♪ The Simpsons ♪
-(chalk screeches)
-(bell rings)
(work whistle blows)
-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
-(tires screech)
-(horn honking)
(tires screech)
-Aah!
-(tires screech)
Froggie, I’m home!
(munching)
Hi, little fella.
I got some nice
juicy flies for you.
Jeez, Louise.
Look at this mess.
I told that boy
a billion times
to pick up his jun–
(indistinct yelling)
I like to play
with you.
-(gasps) My back.
-I like to play with you.
-There goes my back again.
-I like to play with you.
-I like to play with you.
-(grunts)
-I like to play with you.
-D’oh!
-I like to play with you.
-Go get help, boy.
I like to play with you.
I like to play with you.
(battery dying)
I like to play with you.
I like to play with you.
Oh, Maggie.
My poor back.
(distorted)
I like to play with you.
I like to p–
I like to play–
-(both gasp)
-Dad!
Homer, what happened?
Oh, the boy.
Bring me the boy.
Bart, if you had
cleaned up your room
when I asked you to,
your father’s trick back
would still be aligned.
So, you’ll pick up
this mess right now.
-(grunts)
-Clumsy Homer.
Everything’s
always my fault.
If he’d just watch out
where he was going.
Hello.
What have we here?
(gasps)
A cherry bomb.
I thought I blew
all you guys up.
People, people, no rough-housing
on the monkey bars.
You there.
Tuck in your shirt.
Watch it. I saw that.
You certainly have done
awfully well for yourself, Spanky.
Mother, please don’t call me Spanky
on school grounds.
Wow! A cherry bomb!
What are you gonna
do with it, Bart?
-Watch out, Bart. It’s Skinner!
-Uh-oh.
ALL: Good morning,
Mr. Skinner.
Morning, boys.
Why haven’t you introduced me
to any of your students, Spanky?
(kids laughing)
-Well?
-Mother, I would like you to meet
Milhouse, Lewis, Richard
and Bart Simpson.
This is the Bart Simpson
you’re always talking about?
-Mm-hmm.
-But he looks so sweet.
-I am, Ma’am.
-Simpson!
Let’s move on now,
Mother, shall we?
-Bye, Spanky.
-(all laugh)
So, you’re gonna flush it?
What can I say?
I’ve got a weakness for the classics.
I think I need to make a stop
at the little girls’ room.
(laughing)
Okay, Mother. This way.
(laughs)
So long, sucker.
(explosion)
-(screams)
-(kids laughing)
Now hold it right there,
you little–
-Spanky?
-Mother?
Oh, Marge, I still hurt. (bell ringing)
Marge. Marge!
Oh, Homer.
How many times do I
have to fluff your pillow?
Actually, I was wondering
if you could make me
a grilled cheese sandwich.
Well, okay.
Make sure it’s squished flat
and crunchy on the outside.
I know how you like ‘em, Homer.
And maybe some of those
little wieners that come in a can?
Oh, and some fruit cocktail
in heavy syrup.
-(groans)
-(doorbell rings)
-(doorbell ringing)
-HOMER: Marge.
Marge.
-(bell ringing)
-Marge, get the door!
(Marge grunts)
-(doorbell continues)
-Principal Skinner!
Hello, Mrs. Simpson.
I’m afraid there’s been
a very disturbing incident
at school today.
I’m outta here, man.
Homer, Principal Skinner is here.
Oh. Hello, Principal Skinner.
I’d get up, but the boy
crippled me.
Mm-hmm.
I understand completely.
The disturbing incident I was referring to
happened this morning
when your son flushed
an explosive device
down the boys’ lavatory.
-That ol’ gag.
-Unfortunately, at the same moment,
my mother was in the girls’ lavatory
making use of the facilities.
-Oh, dear.
-Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,
we have transcended incorrigible.
I don’t think suspension
or expulsion will do the trick.
I think it behooves us all
to consider… deportation.
Deportation?
You mean kick Bart
out of the country?
Hear him out, Marge.
Well, perhaps I was being a tad glib.
Let me explain.
Our elementary school
participates in
a foreign exchange program.
Normally, a student
is selected on
the basis of academic
excellence or intelligence,
but in Bart’s case,
I’m prepared to make
a big exception.
And if you’re willing
to play along,
he can spend
the next three months
studying far, far away.
Sounds great.
Although, a kid can’t learn much
in just three months.
Homer, you didn’t even ask
where Bart would be going.
Actually, he’d be staying
in France,
in a lovely chateau
in the heart of the wine country.
But Bart doesn’t speak French.
Oh, when he’s totally immersed
in a foreign language,
the average child
can become fluent in weeks.
Yeah, but what about Bart?
I’m sure he’ll pick up
enough to get by.
And, uh, the whole thing
won’t cost you a dime,
as long as you’re willing to
take in a student of your own.
Wait a minute, Skinner.
How do we know
some principal over in France
isn’t pulling
the same scam you are?
Well, for one thing,
you wouldn’t be getting a French boy.
You’d be getting an Albanian.
-You mean all white with pink eyes?
-No. No, no, no.
A student from Albania.
It’s a country on the Adriatic Sea.
Well, going to France sounds like
a fantastic opportunity,
but I think Bart
should have a say in this.
(sighs)
The life of a frog.
That’s the life for me.
Bart, how would you like
to spend
the next three months
living in France?
France? Wow!
He makes me crazy
12 months a year.
-At least you get the summer off.
-Mm-hmm.
And I get to take a plane
there, wouldn’t I, Mom?
Yes, Bart.
-Wow! And one back?
-Mm-hmm.
Well, Bart seems
very enthusiastic about the idea.
-Yes, baby!
-Way to go!
SKINNER:
Bon voyage, boy.
(kissing)
Good-bye, my special–
my special little guy.
You will write us, won’t you?
-All the time.
-What do you know about France?
I know I’m going,
and you’re not.
I’m gonna miss you, son.
And listen, while you’re seeing
all those great sights,
always remember that
you’re representing your country.
I guess what I’m saying is,
don’t mess up France
the way you messed up your room.
Okay, Dad.
Is one of you going to be
on the charter flight?
-Yes, sir.
-Mm-hmm. Come along.
-Bye. Be good.
-We’ll miss you.
(grunting)
(speaking Albanian)
(speaking Albanian)
(speaking Albanian)
(indistinct chatter)
Hey, man, watch it.
Ooh! Oh! Ow!
Oh! Hey, man.
It’s me, Bart Simpson.
-Okay, kid. Let’s go.
-Hey!
BART: ♪ Every little breeze
seems to whisper Louise ♪
♪ Birds in the trees seem to–
(whistles) Louise ♪
♪ La la la laa
La la la la la ♪
Ooh la la!
How much longer, sir?
This is where we’re going, right?
Chateau Mah-son.
(speaking French)
(motorcycle backfires)
Eww. What a dump.
LISA: You know, in Albania,
the unit of currency
is called the lek.
(laughs)
You gotta be kiddin’. The lek.
And the national flag
is a two-headed eagle on a red field.
Give me the old
stars and stripes.
And the main export is furious
political thought.
Political what?
MAN (on PA): Trans Albanian Airlines,
flight number two,
Tirana to Springfield,
is now arriving.
MAN:
Welcome to your new home.
MAN 2:
Escape is impossible.
My name is Cesar.
This is my nephew, Ugolin.
You may find life here
at the chateau hard,
but if you shut up and do
exactly what we say,
the time will pass
more quickly.
-He’s right, you know.
-Well, okay, sir.
-MARGE: Adil?
-Mother?
Well, I guess
for the next few months,
yes, I will be your mother.
And this must be
Lisa and Maggie.
And you must be
my new father, Homer.
Affectionate
little Albanian, isn’t he?
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
Hey, come on, guys.
Quit being so grabby.
-(both growl)
-Sorry, man. Be my guest.
SKINNER: You may find
his accent peculiar.
Certain aspects
of his culture
may seem absurd,
perhaps even offensive.
But I urge you all
to give little Adil
the benefit of the doubt.
In this way,
and only in this way,
can we hope
to better understand
our backward neighbors
throughout the world.
(applause)
Thank you,
Principal Skinner.
Thank you,
fellow students.
Although I have only been in
your country a few days,
I have already
found Americans
to be most… trusting.
Although, officially,
I am required to hate you,
I want you to know
I do not feel it
in my heart.
(applause)
♪♪ (whistling “Alouette”)
Hurry up, boy.
My grapes are waiting
for their water.
(grunting)
How can you
defend a country
where 5% of the people
control 95% of the wealth?
I’m defending a country
where people can think,
and act and worship
any way they want.
-Can not. Can not.
-Can too. Can too!
Please, please, kids.
Stop fighting.
Maybe Lisa’s right about America
being a land of opportunity,
and maybe Adil has a point
about the machinery
of capitalism
being oiled with the blood
of the workers.
Your father is right.
We should not fight.
Friends?
Well, okay.
Well, now that that’s settled,
I’ll just clear the dishes.
No, no, Mrs. Simpson.
You have been oppressed
enough for today.
-I will clear the dishes.
-Oh. Okay.
Did you see that?
You know, Marge, this is the way
I’ve always wanted it to be.
We’ve become a fully functioning
family unit.
We’ve always
blamed ourselves,
but I guess it’s pretty clear
which cylinder wasn’t firing.
Homer!
Your paper-thin commitment
to your children
sends shivers down my spine.
-May I be excused?
-Lisa!
Oh, she’s just jealous.
She’ll get over it.
And if she doesn’t, we can
always exchange her. (laughs)
-Homer!
-Just kidding.
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
Can I have something
to go with my turnip?
Quiet!
When you work like a man,
we will feed you like one.
-Now go to sleep!
-(sighs)
Hey, hey, come on.
Move it, pal.
You leave Maurice alone.
The floor is
good enough for you.
You go to sleep there.
(eating, chuckling)
HOMER:
Nice and cozy, Adil?
Yes. Thank you, Father.
Look, Adil,
you can call me Dad.
All right, Dad.
Aw!
You called me Dad.
Dad, do you think
I could come visit you
at the nuclear power plant?
-You wanna see where I work?
-Oh, yes, very much.
None of my biological kids
ever wanted to see me at work.
-Then I can go?
-Well, I’ll have to pull a few strings
with the boys in security,
but sure, you bet.
Excellent.
Now watch me.
You grab the grape
between your thumb and forefinger,
and gently twist it off
and drop it in the bucket.
Now you do it.
Very good. Now do it
a million times.
HOMER: See these?
American doughnuts.
Glazed, powdered
and raspberry-filled.
Now how’s that for
freedom of choice?
(laughs)
Dad, do you think
I might see your
plutonium isolation module?
Uh… maybe.
Hold on a second.
-Hey, Lenny.
-Hmm?
Does this place have one
of those plutonium isolation deals?
-Yeah, over in sector 12.
-Sector 12?
Third floor,
by the candy machines.
Oh, that sector 12.
Come along, Adil.
Ungrateful swine!
We give you food,
we give you shelter,
and this is
how you repay us!
(camera shutter clicking)
(laughs)
You little shutterbug.
Cheese!
Cheese!
Oh, wait a minute.
(grunting)
Stupid grapes.
Bunch of creeps!
I hate France!
(grunting)
You sure have
taken a shine to little Adil.
Well, he sure makes life
a lot easier around here.
You have to admit that.
Well, okay, I will,
if you admit you love Bart.
Okay. Okay.
I love Bart.
-Well?
-What?
Well?
Oh, Adil’s
a very sweet boy.
Darn tootin’.
(Morse code)
(speaking Albanian)
(speaking Albanian)
(speaking Albanian)
(Laugh)
MARGE: “Dear Bart,
How is France?
“I don’t know why
you haven’t written.
I guess you’re just
having too much fun.”
-(coughing) Oh, yeah, right.
-CESAR: Silence!
“Everyone here
in the United States is fine.
“We think Maggie may say
her first word any day now.
“Lisa got an ‘A’ in math,
“which I’m only mentioning as news.
I’m not putting you down.
“And your father, well…
“last night, he went to sleep
talking about how much
he loves you.”
(sniffles, sighs)
Oh.
“Remember to dress warm,
“and try to be as helpful
as you can
“to your adopted parents.
TOGETHER:
All my love. Mom.”
Oh.
(sighs)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(Bart sneezes)
What are you doing?
Get out of here!
Sorry.
On second thought, Bart.
Bart, come here.
(speaking French)
-Drink this.
-No, thanks.
Do not worry.
This is France.
It is customary
for children to take
a little wine now and then.
Yeah, but it’s got
antifreeze in there.
-Drink it!
-Oh! (belches)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
-Ooh!
-(both chuckle)
Oh, Bart.
Oh, no.
(shivering)
You’re a policeman,
aren’t you?
Excusez-moi.
Je ne parle pas Anglais.
But you gotta help me.
These two guys I’m staying with,
they work me day and night.
They don’t feed me.
They make me sleep on the–
(speaking French)
I– (coughs) I don’t want
a piece of candy.
I need your–
Come on, Mister.
Can you help me?
(speaking French)
Oh, forget it.
I’m so stupid.
Anybody could have learned
this dumb language by now.
Here I’ve listened to nothing
but French for the past…
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
Honey, I’m home.
Hello, Homer.
What’s that?
Oh, just some blueprints
Adil wanted.
I’m telling you,
he’s such a curious little dickens.
I bet he could build
a nuclear power plant if he wanted to.
MAN (on bullhorn):
All right, Sparrow.
We know you’re in there.
We’ll give you one minute
to surrender.
Oh, my!
Ooh, trouble
in the neighborhood.
Let’s check it out.
I’m his neighbor.
What did he do?
Well, sir, we–
Well, sir, we’ve
been on the trail
of a spy transmitting
highly confidential information
-to an unfriendly nation.
-Ooh!
Mm-hmm. Through the use
of radio triangulation,
we tracked him
to exactly this point.
Wow.
-That’s all I can tell you.
-Aw.
All right. Well, the name of
his country starts with the letter “A.”
-Hmm. Ooh!
-Time’s up, Sparrow.
We’re coming in after you.
Oh, gee whiz. Adil would get
a kick out of seeing this.
-Adil?
-The Sparrow!
(speaking Albanian)
Adil.
Oh, there you are.
Get him!
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
-(siren wailing)
-Au revoir, suckers.
So, he’s going
to prison?
Uh, no. We’ve arranged
an exchange
for one of our own men
caught in Albania.
So, Sparrow,
we meet again.
Yes.
Sometimes I think
I am getting
too old for this game.
Okay, kids.
Let’s hurry it up.
Good-bye, Simpsons.
Thank you for your hospitality.
I hope this experience
will not sour you on
the student exchange program.
-ALL: Good-bye, Adil.
-LISA: Have a nice trip.
Good-bye, Adil.
I’ll send you those
civil defense plans you wanted.
WOMAN (on PA): Air France, flight dix-neuf
cent quatre-vingts huit,
Paris to Springfield
is now arriving.
Look, Mom.
There he is!
Oh, Bart, my baby boy.
-Welcome home.
-Hey, where’s the big guy?
HOMER: He means me.
-Hey, boy.
-Hey, Homer.
He brought us gifts.
His first unselfish act.
So, basically, I met
one nice French person.
Bart,
I have something to say
that’s gonna bother me
if I don’t say it.
-It’s good to see you.
-Same here.
I’d love a glass
of that wine
Bart brought us.
Sorry, Marge. Some wise guy
stuck a cork in the bottle.
(speaking French)
You hear that, Marge?
My boy speaks French.
(grunts)
♪♪
-(mumbling)
-Shh!