now recording to server we are now playing girl talk
all day all day bitches
now party people in the club it’s time to catch a rug
and load the boots up in the sky just want to shut the
buzz i’m double fisted
i’m just playing what’s up
is this the same dude
yeah this is a mashup of a
bunch of songs by girl talk
and who’s the rapper
that was you know i have no idea
damn that guy’s good
yeah that guy’s really good he’s original too like
the way he flows it’s original i tell you girl talk is
a it’s the guy that matches
songs and if you go to his website it’s been hammered
since he released
this yesterday he just released a new cd
and the best thing
about girl talk
where i find a lot of my music from
is i’ll listen to that and he’ll
match match so much
music and i like a part of a song i’m
like alright who’s song the original part of this song
find out who that is
new artists i like so
girl talks great for
finding out
about new bands
this is a weird time for
music man they can just get
famous by getting
online and having cool people find out
about it and they tell
other cool people and it
spreads through email
so much shit get
there’s just
so many bands man it’s impossible to follow them all
right now yep
it’s the fucking internet bitches
it’s taking over
flashlight that’s
brian that’s
him doing his professional duties to
alert me that we’re supposed to say that
we are sponsored by the
flashlight and
it’s a masturbation
tool implement
we’ve talked
about it a million times i don’t
think there’s
any other ways to describe it
i support the product
it’s effective
it’s quite embarrassing
if you caught using it but
whatever man you got to get over that shit i have
tricked two people into putting their finger in my used
flashlight in the last week that’s not a trick man
you ain’t lance burton
motherfucker you just an asshole i know
but i did it live
it’s a trick i did it live on video why
would you do that man because they just
touched my dick you know how everyone’s pulling out
their dicks and putting on your you
know like all the
comics like hey look at my dick oh hey
you know all that
stuff i found a way around it that’s even
worse you’re touching my dick and cum
dude what is wrong with you why would you want anyone
to do that yeah
that’s like assault we can go to jail for
years years for that yeah do you
could ruin a person’s
night and ruin
their sleep ruin
their performance at work it
could lead to them getting
fired they get
fired their wife is a lot of pressure in the
house she gets divorced their kids
grow up fucked up why
because you decided one day on a critical night
to make this guy
touch your used
flashlight and he was fucking
steaming all
night fucking piss
or they go home and finger
their girlfriends and
wives and i get them pregnant and i
start knocking up bitches left and right
wow could you imagine if that was possible
just stop and
think for a
second i mean i know that’s a
ridiculous notion
but would that be the saddest fucking way to get
did you hear
about that one
woman that got pregnant she blew a guy
and she got stabbed
okay and somehow another in the
knife wound
the fucking sperm
got into her uterus
and fertilized her egg
that is the or her
ovaries right
what kind of kids whatever
wherever the eggs are
what kind of
kid is that
gonna turn into
could you imagine that
well the crazy
thing is i think
there was something
nutty like she was born with no vagina
it was like the
whole thing was a
freak show it was in africa
i think i might be making this up
i think she was born
with no i remember this
she was born
with no vagina and she just run around i just
guess given dudes head the poor
young thing
this sounds like
the birth of a
comic book hero
he was born
in africa to a
woman with no vagina
from a gash in her
ovary at the
bottom on it is that the most like no one can talk shit
if you’re from that situation when you’re at school
you know you
could you know kids
could be like my dad’s a cop
yeah you know guys be like my dad’s fireman
yeah and he
be like i don’t
know one knows she was just sucking dicks and
some loads survived and someone
stabbed her
she didn’t even have a vagina
there was no exit for that oh
my god what a fucking shitty roll the dice
if you really believe in karma
and you really believe that you are the product of
your past lives and who you are and what you what you
learned in those lives and it’s
carrying over and that’s why
not everyone is equal
what the fuck did that guy
do well no and also like who is this vaginaless blowjob
woman in africa what is that yeah exactly
the poor girl
what a shit roll the dice man
who is you know who is that girl
what was she in another life
yeah i know it’s like
it that’s one of the big questions is
cause if you do believe in
karma then you have to like
it’s almost like people use that as a way to like
not not accept the universe
as being like a really brutal
place i get mad when people pretend that they
think they know how this
thing works
you know someone was trying to talk to me
about karma and he was talking to me
about how he
doesn’t worry
about crime ever
i go why he goes because
i just feel like if you don’t put that out there it
doesn’t come back at you i go that’s
ridiculous i go
babies and drive bys explain it
all right the baby putting that out there
is that what’s going on
the baby’s putting
that out there and the baby gets shot
listen motherfucker there’s
random shit that goes down
okay this just because you might
have control over your
you know immediate environment most of the time yeah
doesn’t mean
it’s not you know the
world’s chaos man you can’t tell me you know
that’s like why the
secret was so offensive to a lot of people
you know how that was
going on like you’re telling me that all diseases and
everything that people will
those on themselves really for
real okay someone wills having a foot growing out of
their fucking head
people will you know
twins that are
stuck together with the
brain and share one
skull you know
come on man
it’s such a weak
thing because
the end result of that is it’s like so
when i’m at the
beach and i’m walking down the
beach and i turn and look at the miserable
woman pushing her
baby who’s obviously like severely
mentally retarded and that baby’s got tubes in its
mouth and it’s like
drooling like
i’m supposed to look at that kid and think
you’re getting yours
you’re getting
what you deserve from the universe because in
a past life yeah what the fuck that’s fucked up instead
of having empathy and
compassion for that kid
you can kind of be like no he
he deserved that yes
there’s there appears to be a lot of
randomness man there’s a lot of
randomness i mean
you can’t put your finger on it either way i mean we
might be wrong
it might really be that simple it
might really be that person did something incredibly
fucked up in another life i mean we don’t really know
but it just
doesn’t seem like that’s a nice way to
think no and i
think it’s also kind of a real
you know how
people who say if you talk to someone is
like i don’t believe in god and then you ask them what
their definition of god is
then quite often
the god they don’t believe in you shouldn’t believe in
cause it’s like the guy with the beard and the
whatever and the toga but
for people who
they do the same
thing with reincarnation so it’s like
they turn it into this like
thing where you
were an animal or a person or whatever there’s so many
the thing we talked about once
about reincarnation that’s only one version of it
there could be a million different versions of how
the energy that your consciousness is
travels through the universe you know it
doesn’t have to be through reincarnation or through
through the normal
sense maybe you
come from an alternate dimension before this one some
completely different
place something
where it’s like
octopuses floating around in some ether
that can communicate telepathically
maybe that’s
what you came from why does it have to be from
earth or this planet
that’s retarded
well i’ll tell you one of the
weirdest things
about the biggest dmt experience
that i ever had was
when i did it
when it first popped over to the other side
i said i’ve been here before
it was like a very
clear feeling that i’ve been there before
so the idea is
like maybe there’s like a little waiting room
a waiting room for the universe that’s like
everything all connected and then
every now and then you just get
stuck into some sort of
a situation some
confined existence
where you’re working your way through this physical
world trying to make
sense of it
and then you’ll end this one and
pop out into the main
lobby area in the
waiting room and let’s see what happens next time boom
something totally fucking
completely alien and different beyond your imagination
the confines
of our imagination is
based on what we’ve experienced
our whole collective idea what the
world is is
based on what we’ve experienced
even photographs and
things that we
have an experience but can see
things that are in the galaxy and planets and shit
we use these and we have this
whole map of our universe but that’s just what we see
right now it’s only
limited by our ability to
think outside what we’ve already seen
the universe
could be infinitely
fucking bizarrely
to the point where
every different
dimension has its own laws and rules and
every different universe
exists in the center of
every single
black hole like that
might be all real shit
like it might be so fucking infinite and
crazy and we
maybe can’t see it
well we shouldn’t be
able to see it because it’s so big there’s no way we’re
these little
tiny little bits of
neurology down here on this ball
and we’re supposed to be able to
there’s no way we could
we could reckon with
infinity with
our limited minds but
it’s weird that it’s like it’s a
statement that
if you talk
about it people go oh yeah man space man
if you want to talk
about space man
wait shouldn’t we be thinking
about that what am i doing i’m
piloting this fucking
flesh vehicle
around this
there’s some sort of a dimension filled with other
flesh vehicles
if i didn’t know
what this was if i came from
no judgment whatsoever
just a total neutral
point and i looked at just
human behavior moving around on the planet
i wouldn’t be like
this is the most
psychedelic shit ever
like just us
we’re like the craziest character in a fucking
movie when we landed into la the
other day we flew in from germany
we got in a
metal tube we flew from one side of the fucking planet
where it was 10
hours ahead in time
we flew all the way back to la
landed on the same day to these
lights and shit and
all these other
metal tubes are flying in from
everywhere and i’m like
we are in the future
this is some
crazy fucking science fiction shit it’s
going on right now
we don’t even realize it
this whole world is
psychedelic yeah
it really is man it is yeah
it’s fucking
crazy the craziest
thing is when you like come across flowers or nature
and you look at it and you’re like alright this is a
fucking crazy if i had this
thing painted
right in my living room i
would like have a
panic attack and die yeah and
it’s like the most amazing
thing you could ever see ever yeah
or it’s also funny that
everyone on this planet or
many people on this planet
think they’re living their own
individual lives and they’re
completely free
but then when you go and look at the interstate
and you look at the way people like
move through the city you see it’s just this like
blood stream of like stop go
right left stop go
right left and they’re all
every single
person when you look at cars inside that car
they’re going to see
their girlfriend or going to
their mom just died or they’re going to
well they’re all having these
amazingly complex
and they all
think they’re the most important fucking thing
and yet even in the
midst of that
they’re all operating exactly according to this
bizarre technological pulsation
stop go left
right it’s like flying at
night it’s like flying at
night looks like a circuit
board and it looks like
just lights
going through circuits and
stuff it looks exactly
like beyond the mind’s eye too it really is i mean the
world is fractal
you know what you talked
about when you were talking
about flowers and gorgeous flowers
you know flowers and like beautiful
pine cones and shit they all follow the fibonacci
sequence you
know it’s a mathematical sequence that is like
literally the
order of the earth
right that’s the
golden mean i believe
is what they call that i don’t know what it is i don’t
understand math i’m
a math retard but this fibonacci
sequence they use to describe all
these fractals
beautiful fractals in nature
like like pine cones like certain flowers and trees and
it’s it’s like just like it’s a part of the
structure of of of
everything it’s like
literally like
i mean if you look at what it is it’s like there’s
a code like oh my god there’s a code to this world
and then what’s
the code to that what’s the code to each
individual part of you know
what’s the code to the pinecone what’s
the code to the tree what’s the code to the planet
it’s eventually
gonna come down to we’re
gonna have the code to
everything we’re
gonna stand
understand everything
and we’re gonna be able to recreate it
you know i read this
thing that ray kurzweil said
about how and
it was really fucking intense he said that
matter itself
is like code
like in the computer
your computer
right now is projecting
us or whatever and it’s coming via some sort of code
in the same way like at the atomic level
everything’s just a code
and once computers
have accelerated to a certain rate
they will be
able to send nanobots out that will deconstruct
atoms and reassemble reality in the same
way computers deconstruct and reassemble pixels and
video and that sort of thing so
matter in reality itself will become
it’s just like a
i don’t know what the word for it is
just a raw material
that you can use to
construct things
all you have to do is get like a hydrogen atom and
whatever atom and another atom
we just don’t
have well we don’t have nanobots and even if we did
we don’t have an advanced enough computer that
could run this
swarm in that way
do that sort of
thing you know what i
think the next
thing is going to be
or one of the next
things going to be
it’s going to be the ability to print
things in your
house that isn’t paper
to make things
out of nothing
i think you’re
gonna have machines at a certain
point in time that are
gonna be able to actually
create something like ipods
right like if you
order an ipod
you turn your machine on and this is
gonna be the shit like look we’re
gonna make an ipod
right now and it’s
gonna be a huge
novelty just like the vhs tape was
when the vhs tape like holy shit we
could record tv shows oh yeah
yeah but nobody ever thought you
could stop it
take a leak
come back and watch it
you remember what a pimp you were
when you first recorded your
first tv show on a vcr with the clock
you used the
clock and you
came home and there was a tape waiting for you
and you’re like i’m a fucking genius
i’m a wizard
i’m living in the fucking future
dude that was a big deal
oh i remember when my friend got an answering machine
that was a crazy deal
right what’s gonna be
crazy is that’s how they’ll
start selling
things like they’ll have bigger ones for bigger
things like oh i want a car and
stuff but then you’re
gonna get the hackers
of it they’re like what do you want you want 10 camaros
right now 10 camaros
you know can’t you imagine if we can just we have
the just unhindered ability to just
start printing shit and making
things that’s not a possibility that’s
gonna be what time
travel is somehow
well you know
maybe get printed
travel do a
changing of what
matter is if he
could just recreate matter
i mean you have
to have something to recreate it with the
right you’d have to have raw materials well
no ink that you
would put into a printer you
would have to have i mean if you’re constructing
reality you’re just
building something it’d be dolphin
or something
they’re gonna be like fuck
so we have to use
bunny rabbits
just wrap your head around that
could you imagine you
would have to have
a certain amount
of minerals and a certain amount of carbon
and all these different
things in your house
and somehow or another you
would turn on this machine and
would just bang
print up this tv for you
unless you could
print the the fuel for it
you know like if it’s some kind of mineral
it got so good
you a real pimp you
would have like a room like a big room like a garage
where you just
printed shit all the time
yeah my print me up a jaguar
check this shit out
fuck that i’m
printing up some ecstasy
i meant a cat i meant the actual cat
i didn’t mean a car
i was saying it
while saying i was like what a poor choice of big pack
because it’s a shitty car god that
could be a bad mistake it’s not a shitty car
since i should that’s a bad mistake it looked pretty
cool now jaguars actually look pretty dope now
i like how you have grasshoppers in here that’s cool
homeboys been hit with me for
a day now that’s cool it’s like a little pet for you
i’m gonna let him out eventually but i don’t want to
freak him out when i’m get comfortable he was all
locked up for a
while now it looks like he’s moving
you should feed him what we’re
gonna feed him on a
date leaves
i think they have to eat the
leaves of the
you have to eat specific
yeah i think when bugs
start eating
leaves that’s what they eat you know if they eat
one type that’s what
they eat i think
might be just making that shit up you know
what i missed and they don’t have out here is those
furry caterpillars
you remember the ones like they
look like little mustaches
yeah those things rule i know what they
do have out here a lot though praying mantises man i
see a lot of
those bad motherfuckers
to praying mantises are like
look if they were big we’d be fucked yeah
it’s just that they’re small
that’s it and we
think it’s cute
there’s a picture online
of a praying mantis so big that it jacked a hummingbird
i saw it oh yeah i saw the
video of that dude a fucking hummingbird
could you imagine this hummingbird
is cause they
stand like super
still and they
blend in with the twigs
and this hummingbird was so big
this hummingbird got closely
jacked like a fucking
giant alien
monster from
what’s that movie star
alien was the
movie with the kids and the fucking
was it god damn it
with the big bugs and shit
science fiction movie oh
very handsome man yeah yeah
these richards
spaceship troopers or whatever starship
troopers yes
remember those
big giant ass bugs yeah
that’s that’s fucking praying mantises man they’re just
small i heard that new
movie what fallen
or something like that is the most cheesiest
next movie that you
watched as a comedy
oh skyline skyline
yeah i heard it’s so bad he even beats that
dennis quaid one
yeah i heard it’s really bad too
i want people to see it why can’t people make a good
why can’t people make a good sci fi
as long as i know it’s bad i’m good
when i get upset with a bad
movie is when i don’t know it’s bad
when i think it’s
gonna be good then i go you
like paranormal
activity i got mad at paranormal activity
two what you
think at first yeah that was horrendous
but there is
a girl in it that looks like a certain ex
girlfriend of yours
right she added like
forty pounds right
who which one can’t tell you
i can’t tell you
well anyway she’ll tell me
about your dog brian
that’s what i thought it was
explain explain your dog
story here duncan had
an awesome dog party at his new house the other day
right and i want you to explain what happened so
a lot of my friends were there with
their dogs and all the dogs are having fun
and what kind of dog do you have brian pekingese
brian has this pekingese dog looks like that dragon
from the neverending story
it looks exactly like that that’s
awesome it’s foucour it
looks like foucour
it’s adorable dog
and we look over and
my friend’s dog is
humping it you know whatever that happens at a dog
party no big
deal it’s like get off stop what are you doing
that dog goes back
and like you know
it’s being really insistent so it’s turning into the
whole dog rape
thing and it’s like
digging its fucking
things and y’all that did
like just get
the hook in
it’s locked and just fucking and fucking
his dog not
freaking out at all
relax kind of looking over is your
dog a boy or girl
girl okay so she fixed
yeah but so she kind of thought was like massages or
something no she’s a whore your dog’s a fucking whore
whoa listen
every fucking dog at that party
started fucking his dog
i’ve never seen anything like it
they were fucking her face
and her they were fucking both sides of the same
dogs for fucking my dog dogs
standing in line
i’ve never seen dogs
stand in line there’s a line of dogs
humping face humping back on
two girl dogs oh my
god marty just
screaming in heart
they started taking the dogs away and my dog
looked like it was like wet
and like pre come
all over the
place like it just look like it was
wet its back
oh dog party turned into this orgy this weird
gross amateur porn orgy oh
your dog has no
self esteem man
she wish she didn’t i don’t
think anyone successfully got their dick in her
denial is always
step one they were all the dogs were freaking out like
step one around dealing with a
tragedy denial it’s the
first stage but there was a lot of air humpers
that just like circled around the outside what happens
after denial
they come to grips with it
that’s stage two
i thought it was
anger then anger
anger denial anger
accept it’s
acceptance you’re
gonna get mad that your dog’s a
tramp yeah i you
gotta accept
that shit i made a twitter profile of it now so it’s
it’s like a
tramp twitter dog
listen like willie
d from the ghetto boy says you
gotta let a ho be a hoe
it can’t be out there captain save a hoe
yeah don’t do it
ain’t worth it
it was really
weird that was like your dog puffed out some pheromones
yeah it looked like she
sprayed stuff she
probably likes dick bro that’s what
it is you know you don’t give enough attention you fuck
if you were
maybe petting her a little bit more maybe she
would be out there trying to get dick all over the
place i was
proud of myself bro
i didn’t want to stop it i was like no
she deserves it she’s been a good dog you’re
proud i was like letting her have something let
her get some
rape gang rape
it did go from everyone trying to stop their dogs
to everyone being like
this is fascinating
you just let him go
who was at the
party is a bunch of
comics just a
bunch of comics
yeah it’s just so weird
could you imagine that
you were in
a bunch of squares you know they wouldn’t
oh my god get her away get
her away yeah the one
phaedom comes with his dog and he goes
my dog has never humped
anything in the road you don’t have to worry
about my dog my dog
went right to it he’s like
this is impossible
this is impossible i’ve
never seen this happen i’ve had this
dog for fifteen years he’s like i can’t believe the
bitch is this
submissive let me just
stick my dick
right in your face
right here real quick
no talking just face mounting
there’s certain girls that give you the
green light for that there’s certain girls there that
crazy twixie vixen is one of
those puppies well
now we do want to talk
about the name of this dog
no no okay let’s not talk about
pixie vixen
just it makes my heart hurt
it’s real name
hurts my heart
hurts my heart it’s just a character on twitter
but she has done
it but my puppy now has an amazon wish list
so if anyone wants to buy don’t do it don’t you do it
front line or
macbook pros
no you wonder why your dogs are whore
you’re raising a whore
an amazing little whore dog
amazon wishlist let her
have dog toy whore dog fuck it
that shit that had to have been
an unexpected
thing when amazon
invented the wish list they did not know that
would turn by the way though that made it
sound like i was not in support of girls
using the amazon wish list with his
which is absolutely not true i’m a hundred percent
in support of that shit really because in
for women you
have to say it but you also have to say it for men
you gotta let a ho be a hoe yeah
there’s some guy who wants to go out and buy
this chick tvs and new
shoes and underwear fuck yeah
go get that
money girl yeah
there’s no problem
but the problem
is some of these people on twitter are saying
things like hey
you know you
should give me something
here because i showed you this and i did this you know
a lot of them are
really pimping it out kind of
grossly dude you don’t have to give them anything
huh oh i know only
idiots would give them anything i know
it’s okay no i’m not
against it what do you mean
only idiots would
buy them shit and give them
money look dude
every now and then what i do i’ll follow
like if someone says something and like
a porn star i follow a
bunch of porn stars they say some fascinating shit and
every now and
then like a dude will say something to them and
they’ll rt it
and i go ooh
but that was
fucking creepy you
know blah blah blah is the most amazing person ever
and so beautiful my god rto
thank you lol
and i go okay who’s this
crazy asshole
so i go to this
crazy assholes page
and it’ll be like he’s having a relationship with her
he’s talking
about how ever
since she’s been in communication with him
he just feels so much better and his life is more
more meaningful and
feels like he has a reason to go on
and he feels like she’s an
angel and she sent to this
crazy shit loneliness is so this
oh it’s horrifying so
sad man lonely like when you get that lonely
where you’ve gone nuts
and you can
wake up in the morning and really feel normal
about having a relationship
with an online porn star yeah and no one wants to
hang out with you no one wants to talk to you finally
saved up enough
money and you’re like
today i’m gonna buy
i heard a bottle of obsession
what i think is
crazy is the
world of warcraft couples
where they just play together
all day and all and that’s their
whole life they’ve
never met have hung out with each
other but they’re dating and they play
video games don’t
they get married and
oh yeah they
get married inside the
video games and then
yeah i mean we’ve discussed
video games to
death but it is that is a fascinating
thing this desire to
exist in this two
dimensional online
world instead of the 3d reality
it’s a weird pull
you know it’s a
weird pull to wanna
i mean look i’m guilty of being online all the time
like a lot of
times even when i’m supposed to get work done
i’m such a douchebag
but i’ll just turn on my computer and then i’ll
check twitter real quick
how is this
crazy link somebody sent me some
crazy science
video and i look at that and i go whoa
they found a new
black hole oh shit
and then it’s two
hours later and i never even
started writing
why it’s just
you just get sucked into it man how
can’t you though i mean it’s like you try to get off
me like oh beatles on itunes yeah i mean it’s just like
i can cheat on them
for saying you know why they into the
world of warcraft why am i into my message
board why am i into
going online and reading
cool document or
watching cool documentaries and reading
weird fucking
studies that they
found it’s a fucking
to me it’s a drug i got it
i was badly addicted to
world of warcraft
yeah we talked
about that you had um he would
break the games just i can’t play them yeah yeah i
would yeah i
would fucking
well then i mean i had already gotten over my quake
thing when you were doing this
right it was
i mean the draw
the pull of that
game is so powerful
i finally um
i had like a
level 70 warlock
and i had to fucking
delete the character why didn’t you sell it
that’s what everyone says you
should have sold it but it’s like
how much is that
worth in geek world
i don’t know you get your dick sucked for that
yeah what do
you think there’s some
crazy goth bitch that
would suck your
dick to be a
level 70 warrior
what are you what is he
got what exactly was your
title again you’re a what
it’s called a warlock
a warlock level 70
level 70 that’s huge
you could just fuck people
up right well
i think the
levels are up higher now but back then
it was definitely
fun now if a
chick bought this character
after she sucked your
dick if she sucked your dick and got this character yes
what happens then
does she get to be a warlock does she
get to be a dude can anybody be whatever sex you want
i don’t know
where it is now i
think you can change the way it looks
but i don’t know if you can change the gender but maybe
so she will
be your character she’ll take over your character
you give her like the password
yes yeah and yeah you
would give her all the password and then all of a
sudden she would be infinitely
powerful without having
earned it you probably have to do
with the transfer
of ownership like go to a gamestop and both signed
papers if that’s how you do it
no you think
you do it like that
oh my god well there has to be some
kind of transfer of ownership because then that person
would just say
this is my character yeah
now let me ask you this do they
allow that shit though they
allow people to do this i don’t
think you’re supposed to
but why not
why didn’t you
get prepared before you got on this podcast
i can’t believe i’m kind of happy
that i don’t remember this
why do you think they
would prevent that
i’ve wondered that i think
it’s just another fascinating aspect of it i
guess maybe
because they
would say that they
should get the
money if somebody got the
money but i
feel like if
a character invests all that time into the game and
they can show something
for it and they can sell that something that’s just
going to make the game more popular i knew
somebody who was a
what do you call it
i can’t remember what they call them now the people who
the police of the game
that are kind of inside the game mods moderators
yeah not a much
yeah but in the game they call
something they
have characters and they can they go around
and they can appear and do
oh really yeah
and they’re
but they’re kind of like policing the
place they are like moderators yeah they’re mods like
medicine message
board moderator
yeah it’s the same
thing and they i actually
before i played
world of warcraft god this is i guess it’s
i’m i’ll just
i’m fucking the geek
i haven’t i’m a nerd i before i got addicted to
world of warcraft i got addicted to everquest
i got busted
i got busted in that game
by like a game cop
like i cause like
at the time it was
still kind of like
the wild west and they hadn’t like really figured out
how to like regulate it as much as they have now and so
i don’t know how it is an everquest now but
then you could like try on
other people’s
stuff they could give you
stuff and you
could try it on and it was like i am
i uh there was a guy who
had a really
everyone knew in this game
about some kind of like very
powerful vest
and so i went to that guy and i’m like hey
let me try that vest on to see how i look in it
and he gives me the vest
and i just run into the woods
no yes i did
yes i did i
go racing into the woods i’ve got this little care
a little character
halfling named hair pie
his name was hairpie
and i’m racing into the woods with this
thing and like
the guys like yelling
into the zone is what it’s called like announcing
don’t trust hairpie
he stole my vest of the thunder god
he’s a thief
and i’m running
i’m running through the woods i lost him
and all of a
sudden i hear footsteps behind me
like invisible
footsteps and i’m running and i’m hearing like
and then i’m frozen
it’s a game moderator he’s like
you gotta give him his vest back
you can’t steal vests
i’m like you can’t
steal like that i’m like my character’s a
thief why not and he’s like
read rule four ninety
eight and the tos
if you’re a
thief you should be a thief
you should be able to do whatever you want
i know what i
mean that’s why i can’t
steal as a thief
that’s why that’s why
grand theft auto is so good
if you want to be a murderer you can be a murderer yeah
it’s a goddamn
game you can’t i mean you’re
you like you hear
about it from time to time i just
heard about
somebody claiming that some of
their shit got
stolen on that
i can’t remember the name of the game
second life
there’s a whole economy in
second life
where people
don’t people
pick people pay rent to have shops there and
stuff i know
but then fuck but the moment they figure out
right now it’s just such a primitive version of it like
do you remember
when you first got an
atari did you ever get an atari yeah
shittiest gaming
system of all time
but you felt like you are
on like in star trek when you were playing that fucking
thing like the kids pong
yeah pong looked
breakout remember
breakout yeah
combat adventure with the key the dragons in the key
i’ve been having so many
holy shit that was only x amount of years ago morris
lately yeah
so now just think okay
what is the next version of this
stuff gonna be if you look at what
atari has turned into
and it’s obviously
it’s got to be
implants it’s got to be
plugging in or
transmitting somehow into your
brain i think it’s
gonna be holograms man because
did you see that japanese star that they have now
the singing star that’s actually a hologram what
sells out fucking
oh my god i
tweeted it the other day
it’s amazing you have to
check it out
we have to find it brian
is there a way you can pull it up
because this is something
you guys have to see to believe it is a sold out
brian’s gonna look for it on the ipad
it’s japanese hologram rockstar look up that
dude it’s crazy
it’s an animated
fucking character that’s singing in a computer voice
and it’s a hologram that they have on stage
in front of fucking thousands of people and the
place is sold out and they’re
going insane
they’re screaming and yelling and
cheering for this hologram
i mean it’s like it’s a
super advanced
version of like the opening at a ride at disney wow
but dude it’s a beautiful hologram i mean it’s like
three dimensional
intense the way it looks it’s incredible
it’s like really vivid the
colors are vivid it doesn’t look that opaque
or that transparent rather
look at the fucking crowd
folks if you want to google this prime
would you what is the google japanese
hologram pop star
japanese hologram
graham pop star
motherfucker this is what the new gorillas uh
concerts are supposed they’re
gonna be like they’re
gonna do that too yeah
where it’s walking
through the audience though like this
that’s the new i
think gorillas are like
next week here
in los angeles really yeah holy shit that’s insane dude
we could eat some mushrooms good
oh my god i’m scared
i just got terrified like a little girl
that’s fucking
for folks if you
haven’t seen this if you just in your car you gotta
go home you gotta
check this out it’s one of the
weirdest things i’ve seen in years so
weird man it’s a
electronic voice too i mean
people were
complaining that the backstreet boys were fake
what the fuck
this isn’t even a real
voice imagine this if this
chick was naked
yeah oh she’s
gonna be sucking big
giant octopus dick
starts just fucking
throwing there’s
gonna be for sure some version of that in
japan where they have just
hentai rape and
samurai swords and shit she’s
shooting eels out of her blood
yeah it’s all
gonna happen no
doubt about it man
the japanese don’t give a fuck
that is awesome i
could look this over they
are so advanced
man it’s hot
you know they look at our computer like if we have
our cell phones rather yeah you go over
japan our cell
phones are goofy
they’re cell
phones they can buy shit with them
they go to a
store and they just run
their cell phone buy something and they
can pick it up
they like scan it
and they just buy it and walk out with it
it’s incredible
they can buy soda with it and shit and
plane tickets
yeah scan their
phones are just little scanners
it’s ridiculous
the fuck man
i’m pretty amazed at that yeah gorilla supposedly
they’re making
their next cd they just announced
that it’s gonna be they’re making
their whole cd
on the ipad could you
imagine just 30 40 years ago how
about when elvis was on stage
how about one of
these fucking appears out of nowhere
and is dancing around
right next to elvis
right people
would start
shooting it yeah
you know you know i’m saying let me just back then they
would be like what the fuck is that right
man we don’t even realize how
quick this is all happening
no i mean no i
think that nobody’s really prepared for and the
quicker it happens
the more i used to be like
bring it let it happen let the fucking singularity
pop let’s go let’s do the thing
now it’s kind of like
shit i don’t know
kinda like i’m cool right here
life is so easy
i’m a comic i’m having fun yeah we don’t need to
accelerate that much more listen let’s not get
crazy everybody i’m having a good time yeah
yeah we don’t have to
we don’t have to zap through
we don’t have to all be
one yeah we don’t have to merge
come on man but
i guess there’s just no way to stop it
so i was flying back from
germany and i had this
crazy epiphany
about civilizations
cause i was you know i was leaving germany i
was like it’s so strange when you go to another culture
you know and you don’t have any idea
what they’re saying it’s like god this is a different
world it’s totally alien
there’s songs that they had on
their tv shows
we’re all in german
they have played a lot of american
music though i gotta say
like a good percentage of it like
every now and then you’d hear something with a german
voice or a german dialogue
but for the most part the lyrics
but for the most part it was all american shit
but the people
would talk to
you they’d look at you and bulchner’s not there
and you’re like whoa
like i don’t have a fucking clue i don’t have
i just i have no idea
and they would look at you like come on come on come on
like at the
airport when they’re telling you to go over here
you know they’re saying whatever crazy
and you’re like what where
it’s a fucking strange
thing man and
i’m thinking
about how bizarre
it is that there’s so many different languages and i’m
thinking about how
weird it is
that some of
these cultures have been around forever
and then i start
thinking like
what the fuck happens
to all these different
cultures that have
existed before it pretty much is the same thing
they figure out how to create shelters
then they go from having shelters
to creating a surplus to having a
group of shelters
they all protect themselves from the animals
and then once enough to worry
about getting
eaten then they
start figuring
things out then they
start inventing
things and coming up with
things getting curious
to the point
where they make a very complicated society that hums
along they have
immense structures and all
these cool things and then
all the people that did all this
crazy hard work
have kids and the kids are born into this perfect world
where they don’t have to try to discover anything
they don’t have to
create things because the
things are already existing
they don’t have to develop a
civilization out of scratch and figure out how to be
strong in the woods because there’s all
these resources
they figured how to
write things down so they don’t have to relearn shit
and i’m like wow just people get soft
that’s probably the reason that
every single
civilization eventually fell
apart you know
he talked about like
throughout history whenever
they would talk
about the fall of the
roman empire
the whole theme to it was always the decadence
and the depravity
and the crazy
sexual shit that they were doing
and how life
had just gotten insane for them they were all
living and eating insane amounts
of food and fucking little boys and having people
fight animals and shit
yeah and it’s got to have come from a
place where
those people were weak
those people didn’t have to put it all together
well yeah i
think specifically with the
roman empire
and i’m sure people out there
will correct me on this but
wasn’t rome sacked by the visigoths who are these
brutal barbarians who just
came in and just raped and killed everybody and really
yeah and that brought in the dark ages and
the dark ages
what was bringing
civilization back out of the dark ages was
christianity religion religion was like creating at
least a little bit of order to
kind of like
bring people out of the dark but
all of a sudden the vikings
figured out
that all they had to do was go to a monastery
or a church and they
could just grab all the gold and shit and go off
basically the vikings discovered europe and
they came in and pushed it back into the dark ages
again because they were sacking everything and like
vikings are the most brutal
fucking they were the most brutal
humans ever because like
that one of the stories they told is there was a viking
who had this
funny nickname and i can’t read the nickname but the
other vikings
laughed at him
they thought he was funny
because he wouldn’t kill kids
they thought it was
funny and they had a nickname for him like you
pussy why are you killing these kids it’s fucking fun
and they were just
going in hack
kids and hack
there were these
brutal fucking warriors
and so like you said
you’re dealing
with this kind of well at that time it was
starving people but before that
it’s these lazy fat
people who’ve
never really fought before at
least like fought in that brutal
level and they just got
so they just got
hit at the wrong time yeah exactly
had gotten hit back
when rome was
strong and before
everything fell
apart they probably
would have been able to hold
those guys off
is that the idea yeah and
i think i think that is the idea
i mean i don’t know anything
about the history
other than the
that’s connected
to it in popular myths it’s always gluttony and
orgies of food and
the talk of feathers in the throat and
where they would
throw up so they
could eat more yeah
yeah well that’s the
i mean that usually is what happens is people
i mean really that isn’t
that a symptom of people confusing what’s important
with the material universe
because people
start trying to gratify
their senses
and really that’s
just a distraction from what’s really important and
so when that gets to the extreme
where everyone’s just
focused on buying shit or
well i think it’s a faulty
system that we have
and once the environment gets
super complicated it’s
eventually everyone’s
gonna want to take time off they’re
gonna want to
not have to hunt and gather
they’re gonna want
things easier and
lighter and they’re
gonna want more for
their kids i don’t want my kids to struggle like me
and so then we want a softer
easier world to develop in but the problem with that is
humans ideas and
our best inventions have
come through hard work and adversity like people who
people who have worked very very hard to
think things through and figure
things out and invent new
things well when
everything is
already there and you don’t have to do that
like what what happens then and then you have
kids and they see you then go look at this lazy fat
motherfucker why
should i do anything hard or
try to be anything special or try to
contribute or try to
figure things out or even try to be
happy nobody else is
happy what the fuck makes me
think that i
should be happy
well yeah it’s
it’s it’s you know i really
think that it’s a result
of people losing track of
the greater
truth in the universe and so
i think the moment you
start tuning into that that’s when you
start getting the ideas that lead
to the inventions and lead to the hard work because
fucking hard work like you know
everyone says if you wanna
write a book
you gotta write six
hours a day you have to
treat it like a job you have to fucking
write all the fucking time
and that’s true
but you know
to really do that you’ve got to be passionate
you’ve got to
want to do it you have to be inspired the inspiration
drives you to work that hard
and so right
now no one’s inspired most people have no inspiration
because they’re not connecting to the
thing that brings
those big ideas into your head when
maybe when there isn’t the internet and
technology and all that stuff
it’s more likely that
those ideas come to you or something like that i
think it’s also possibly
a situation
where the hardware has
evolved so quickly
that our life has
changed so radically that our
our physical
bodies just are not in tune to the reward
systems that we’re getting from this society
that’s why we’re trying to
supplement them with antidepressants and shit
our bodies are
designed for some hunting and gathering and fucking
that’s what our
bodies are designed
for and if you don’t exert a certain amount of energy
that’s why people get stressed
people who exercise are way more stress free
than people who
never exercise
because your body just accumulates all this
crazy shit that you’re supposed to be
getting out of your
system you’re supposed to be chasing down elk and shit
you’re supposed to be
moving bales of
hay and if you’re not doing all that
stuff you’re like why do you even have muscle
bitch you just sit around the
house and jerk off
why do you even have you
should have enough muscle to get to the refrigerator
and back to the couch
so you don’t need any
other muscle
it also seems
like there’s a lot more calculations in math
going on too because if you think
about even 15 years ago you’re not
thinking about twitter numbers you’re not
thinking about
facebook numbers you’re not
thinking about online
stuff and bills and news and
you have so much information pumped that your
brain’s constantly
thinking way
more than it was then back in the day was like oh it’s
windy outside
that was ooh
this lemonade it’s good i wonder if someone
could buy us beer
right but you know the
weird difference is that what you’re talking
about the numbers you’re talking
about red band
these are all illusions
people are spending all their time
these fitments
you know through
my bank account number how
much i owe how much did i am what’s the
score zeros are
where it’s not what the fuck
they’re imaginary or the
senator the congress
are the president or the government all imaginary
things that aren’t
they’re just
these ethereal
things out there when it’s like
if you go into your backyard and dig and
plant seeds and grow something
that’s real
right you can look out there and see how many seeds or
plants you have growing up and that’s fucking real
yeah what is the economy
just imaginary
quantitative easing and we’re
gonna buy stock
shares and stock
trades and send them over to brochmanboth and
bimbernaki said he’s
gonna double the quantity
it’s like what the fuck are you talking
about if land
was completely free though that
would be more of the case now
if you don’t
you know pay bills and live at some
place you get kicked
off land and there’s no free land that’s how it all
started is the native
the indians being like
you wanted you
wanna buy this land
what the fuck you talking
about yeah seven
bucks you can have manhattan
indiana you stupid
well you dumb
motherfucker well
the idea to them was
absolutely completely
ridiculous so now the
whole thing
is crisscrossed
all of society is crisscrossed with tiny
weird connections the deed to the
house and the land
under the house and
the certificate
of ownership of the
house and the
property tax you pay and all this it’s all imaginary
shit none of it’s real
we all believe it’s real
not only to believe
we believe it’s real but we’re so
focused on it
that we’ve forgotten
about what israel
which is the material universe
which is the
fucking water
and the ground and the environment
and we’re just pumping shit out into it because that
stuff doesn’t seem real
it’s a leisure
thing you go out for a hike in the woods on a sunday
that’s when you go into nature you
maybe on occasion take the lady for a picnic
you know but that’s how you go to nature
now you know and it’s just it’s like a
novelty well look a tree
look at that tree
dude nobody realized that more than me when i actually
moved to the woods
when i was living in colorado
for those months
almost four months
and when i was living i was
basically living on a dirt road
on the mountain
like in the middle of nowhere like
literally completely
in the middle of nowhere and you see everything man
you see all this shit that’s alive
that’s just running
around out there and i see it out here i see a deer
every now and then out here
like coyotes all the time
and every now and then some will
see a mountain lion in this area
but in colorado
was all over the place
it was like you’re in there
their area like they walked through town
there was this
place called evergreen
and every year the elk
would migrate through town
and you’re talking
about hundreds of these
giant animals they’re like deer on steroids these
big fucking brock
lesnar looking deer
and they’re walking through the middle of town
they don’t give a fuck
they walk right on the streets
hundreds of them dude it’s insane like this
giant migration of them
it’s amazing
and you know what goes with them mountain lions
right mountain
lions follow them ugh
so when they come around you
gotta worry
about mountain lions being around too fuck that
hell yeah anyways
that used to be life yeah one dude
shot one in his backyard
while i was living there
it it gotten into his chicken coop
and was jacking his chickens
you imagine that fucking terrifying moment
where you go outside and there’s a
monster eating your chickens in a cage
and it clawed its
way into this cage and it’s in there now and you gotta
shoot it before it eats you
right cause it
could eat you
it could say oh this is way better than a chicken
let me just eat this old person yeah
that’s real yeah if you don’t get good with that finger
motherfucker you better
get good with that finger
you better have an aim bitch
but like our version of that is i got a parking
ticket you know
what i mean
it’s the same
thing it’s like a negative
force impacting your life sort of but
it’s a much more humbling and beautiful
force that makes you
appreciate your real
place in the circle
you know when i was living up there what i really
loved about it is that i
would go to new york and shit and i was like
when i first started moving there
when i first moved there
i did the open anthony show
and i stayed in this
hotel in new york
at this crazy view
and i looked out the window and i was like how
weird is this that i’m like
right now i’m on the death star
and i live with fucking
grizzly adams up in the woods that’s
where i’m living right now like this is
my new place
so i’m going from the wilderness
cities and wilderness
to la a couple times the wilderness to different
places where i did stand up
and i was like this is one of the fucking strangest
ways to look at
things ever
because now i’m getting at you
i’m looking at the whole
world from the outside i live on dirt
i live on dirt
with trees that’s all that’s around you
and when you’re like that and you’re in this
really tight
little small community up there
there’s very very few people
you get a totally different view of the
whole world
it’s all going on in
saudi arabia
you know in iraq there’s issues
right now with bombs and shit’s blowing up and
they’re starting
the fucking
mecca they’re all making
their pilgrimage to mecca
and all this is all
going on the news
and i’ll just look out and i’ll
still a little chipmunks and shit
chipmunks are just
chilling yeah
chipmunks don’t give a fuck
about iraq and afghanistan
it’s nowhere near here
they’re like what are you
tripping on dude
just relax we’re chipmunks
people are trying to eat us and we’re cool yeah
that’s we’ll see
and so that’s what that’s an experience
with something called health
that’s what it feels like to be healthy
it feels like
it feels like to be we are so connected i
think with our physical hardware our bodies
that are set up for the caveman days
we’re so connected with what our
bodies need
that if we’re like
completely plugged into the system
i think our
whole shit is getting
rewired like in this
weird like super
quick way because
we have to keep up with all the bullshit that you have
to be aware of in life
and you don’t have this
peaceful time
that people used to have
like you know people were hunters and gathers and shit
when when they were fucking made
houses and they
figured out how to make fireplaces and shit
at the end of the night
after they killed an animal in the center on eating it
they were fucking relaxed
you know what i’m saying
they didn’t owe anybody shit
unless they’re stressing
about things that we didn’t stress
about well we’re on
sickness and like oh there’s a
blizzard in our
houses it’s way better to be
alive now i’m not saying that there’s a guy you’re
definitely right
about that there’s a guy there’s
an anarchist that you can look up and his name is
john zurzan
and he’s a fascinating guy is very intelligent
and he talks
about his premises
actually no
those times were terrible
but before that and the distant past before people
started using language
or symbol systems to represent reality
we were in paradise
when we were
i don’t buy that man that’s so speculative and
the problem i have with that is if we were in paradise
why did it all turn to shit
i think people have this romantic way of looking at the
past and i guarantee you if you fucking go to the zoo
and see how douchey chimps are to each
other you know
watch documentaries
about chimps
sneaking across lines and beating the fuck out of
other chimps and killing them
and then coming back to
their little
look man i’m not buying it
we evolved because of competition
that’s for the most part the only reason why
things get better they get better because
they have to because
everything else is getting better around them
so if we were in paradise
why the fuck
would we come up with language and fuck it up i
agree with you i don’t
agree with zur zan i just
throwing it out
there but things get infinitely
more complex as things go
along it’s just
gonna happen it’s
the ethic of the universe
but that doesn’t mean that at one
point in time when it wasn’t as complex it was better
the golden age yeah
they’re crazy
mckenna talks
about that a little bit though
his is psychedelically induced though
which is much more plausible theory the idea
his idea is that mckenna thought that at one
point in time
the monkeys had gone and the climate had
changed and the rainforest had receded to
grasslands so the
monkeys were
climbing out of the trees
and experimenting
with different food sources and one of them was they
would flip over cow patties to find bugs
stoned ape and they
ate mushrooms and they developed
but that one is
based on like an actual
plant that exists
you know i mean
and so like an actual time where the
rainforest did receive this is all fact it’s all
science and they know that
monkeys have
eaten mushrooms man they know
there’s a bunch of different
instances of all sorts of animals eating all sorts of
things that affect
their consciousness
like elephants will get used to like fermented
fruit and they get
drunk off of
it i’ve seen it
happens with monkeys if
they get used to booze
somebody posted on my facebook
a great video of orangutans
david attenborough
showing orangutans washing
socks in a river
one of them is trying to saw a
piece of wood
one of them’s got a hammer and it’s hitting a nail
kind of looks like in
dawn of the dead when the zombies
try to do shit you know like they’re kind of doing it
wrong but they’re
definitely like
they’re imitating
you know and
it’s like look it up
david attenborough
orangutans i’m sure it’s there
but it’s like you look at that
and you see how quickly
the orangutans are adopting
these sort of
behavior patterns from what they’re
watching and you can see how
quickly it would all fucking happen
that’s just a
trick and they’re all
trained monkeys and that
orangutans and they’re like all
right now you’re
gonna be hammering here yeah
that’s what the
first thing he said is
these are not
trained monkeys
they’re just imitating
a liar how do you know
brian i said
maybe he’s a
liar it’s good david
no he’s not a
liar the whole
thing is fascinating man
i think the idea of
evolution happening
right before our eyes is fascinating
there was a lizard that was i fucking forget the
exact story but it’s very
clear evolution and the change of its
stomach because it was on an island for 20 years
they came from one environment they had to
adapt to a new one but they
adapted like
super quick and they’re
still there
alive with like a very
clear difference between the lizards that had come
from the original origin
original source
you know i mean the congo
is another perfect example of that you know the congo
like 2 000 years ago the congo was
grasslands and
the climate
shifted very
quickly and all
these prairie
or plains animals
like gazelles
and even rhinos they’re stuck
in this rainforest it just kind of grew up around them
weird dude the congo
we’ve talked
about this before in the documentary and i don’t
know how to get this the documentary is from the bbc
and it’s not available on dvd i
tried to find it i
can’t fucking find it
is it on pirate
pay might be
isn’t that illegal we
would never do that brian
you do that i own it i own it on vhs
but it’s you
know vhs is just so goddamn clunky not only do i own it
on vhs i own it on vhs that’s an english version of vhs
you know i’m saying
like isn’t there an english version
or is that just dvds
no it’s dvds no there’s
yes right acr’s work or yeah what is it all region
yes power exactly yeah so
i only have the english version this i have a fucking
i bought a vcr specifically so i
could watch this documentary
like i wanted to make sure that i
could watch this documentary so my vcr plays
american shit and it plays
but this fucking documentary is insane man
you realize like this
whole ecosystem just
changed in two
thousand years fish
in the congo
climb out of the fucking
water and walk on the ground
until another pond
and he jumps in the
water and then he gets
eaten by this
crazy bird called the shoebill
holy fuck you
wouldn’t even believe this goddamn
thing was real if you didn’t see it
it’s six feet tall like five six feet tall
giant ass fucking bird
with a huge beak
this big fucking murdering bone
crushing beak that’s what it is
and it just
this fish that’s trying to walk from one
place to another
jumps into the
water and this bird just jacks it
just a murderous
crushing fucking jaw in
these evil eyes man
birds have some of the nastiest
most evil fucking eyes they do
dude if that fucking
meteor didn’t hit
sixty five million years ago we
would have been fucked
we would never become us
would never become us
we would never figured out how to kill all
those lizards
those lizards didn’t die brother
what they went
underground no
mckenna fucked my dog
reptilians reptilian
have you seen the reptilian
videos on the internet they’re
so funny real
proof that what’s his
who’s that crazy guy does interviews larry like
proof that larry king
is a reptilian
oh my god and it always has this dramatic
music playing kind of techno
music this like
and it’s slowed down on larry king
and for whatever dumb reason
larry king licks his lips like
and it kind of looks like a lizard but
right when he licks his lip the
music changes and is like
like this is a proof that fucking larry king
is a lizard you sure isn’t a joke no oh
people believe in the reptilian
they believe
that sound like a till or
it’s yeah or it’s just an ongoing
troll on the internet that you’re falling for no way
b brian that
could be there’s a lot of
trolls man there are so many goddamn
trolls so many people that
think it’s funny to pretend
to be somebody that they’re not oh i know a little bit
about that but i
think that the the the the
these are serious and i told you the time i talked to
eddie griffin
he explained the
whole reptilian
explain at all i gave
him my credit card number
what do you think
he just make it up
how long have
human beings been on the planet
how long were the dinosaurs on the planet
look how much we
evolved in the time we were here how much more
did the dinosaurs evolve yeah he
would hit you with some shit like this we like take a
drink of his
like a little champagne bottle yeah have one of
those little paul mooney champagne bottles
think about this dog
if people came from
monkeys and
monkeys are still here
what the fuck are
monkeys doing
why are they still here
how come they’re
still monkeys if we came from monkeys
shit’s impossible
he’s like a
black joey does
he know like
his own thing when he
talks about you follow
if you follow
joey stories
it makes sense too
he’s funny though man very
funny when i saw in the days we’ve talked
about eddie griffin on the podcast too many times
sorry folks
but just you
gotta let shit go
where it goes
when i first met
eddie griffin was in when he
first just did his hbo special
dude he was so fucking good that hbo
special i don’t know if it holds up i said this before
i haven’t seen it
since i saw it back then but when i
saw it back then i was like this is one dynamic fucking
like this dude was little and
skinny and he was moving around
quick and i was like wow he is just a fucking star
it’s like an undeniable star i was like boom
but i’ve never met a dude so
crazy i know
so much fun
yeah he is so
crazy he’s so
much fun he’s really cool he’s so much fun
he had a cigarette in his hand
and with the backstage of the comedy
store he’s like
i did 12 rounds
today with a kickboxing champion
yeah for the
first six rounds i
admit it he got the best of me
but nigga didn’t
want no more in the last six you know what i’m saying
he didn’t want no more
and he’s like
drinking he’s got a
cigarette home
here’s a movie star
and he’s making up a
story about
fighting a kickboxing champion
right like what
i just think he
would just get
drunk and just see if he
could fuck with you
i just think he was
creating stories in his mind i don’t even
think he was really
lying to you
i think it was just for him i
might have a good time i’m just
gonna talk some
crazy shit yeah you know
it was just
i mean it wasn’t you know
he was he was
like it wasn’t committed to the theory either
you can change him yeah you can change his opinion
you know like we had
a conversation once
about the pyramids
he’s like the pyramids were created with sound
that’s what you don’t know
the pyramids were created with sound
they use harmonic resonance and magnetos
you know he’s making some shit
up and they
moved those
stones into place
and i said they don’t know how they move
those stones into
place but they think they
might have been cement that was poured
so the deal with the
stones is the incredible numbers 2 million
300 000 so i just
start fucking hitting them with all
these facts
kind of being douchey about it
but it’s just one
of my pet subjects and i hate when people talk nonsense
about the pyramids
i go and it
might even been poured limestone it
might not even been cut but there’s
so i tell him all the
schedules but what how many
stones so he goes on stage
ten minutes later
the pyramids
you telling me
two million
three hundred thousand
stones all cut perfectly
he was just absorb
it you just like
you know he just would
change his opinion like
you could tell him that he was
wrong and go okay i’m gonna talk
about that now yeah
and he’s got this very
evangelical quality to him he could talk
about anything it
could happen ten minutes before
and he would go on
stage and he
would just fire off
about it you know
that was one of the fun things
about the comedy
store you know
don’t get me
wrong what i’m saying i mean
like what i’m telling that he does this i mean he does
it’s all most of his own shit
i mean i’m not saying that he’s
taking anybody’s
ideas or anything what i’m saying is that he’s just
fascinating character who would like
he was like he’d move in and out
you know he
would like be brilliant and then be
crazy yeah but when he was brilliant you’re like whoa
where’s this
it’s fucking amazing dude he
would hit some notes
man oh crazy
dude really good i’ve seen that guy destroy
in a way where i’m like wow this
guy’s like really special he’s got a special talent yep
he had some killer jokes
my favorite one is the one
about cocaine
and cocaine
being involved for the invention of the telephone
what is that
girl he goes
he goes because you got to be high like a
to be sitting around going
i want to talk to someone who’s not even here
that’s a great fucking joke
i saw him light that fucking comedy
store original room up with that joke
you gotta be high like a
with a cigarette in his hand
to be sitting around going i
wanna talk to somebody who ain’t even here
and he would just hit them with this perfect facial
expression i’d be like god it was humbling
you know it was like
my early days of news
radio in 1994
you know and i was like my act is like weak i
gotta work on my act i
gotta tighten it up
you see a guy like that
you’d see a few guys that you
would see perform
saw damon wayans
crack some out of the park
damon wayans is one of the most
underrated guys ever
dude when damon wayans did his hbo special
that is a funny fucking special that
still holds up
it’s still pretty
funny yeah his
stuff is always good his
shit talking
about me tommy her
and about meeting mike tyson
mike tyson was mad at him because he was making jokes
about him yeah it’s
funny fucking shit
man it’s good
i don’t want to fuck it up i don’t want to ruin it
but it’s like something i designed
a punch and make you live
a bleed you
think you’re
funny he goes he
started biting me
he said biting him
and i think it was before the evander
holyfield incident
i think he might have made this special before
tyson bit holyfield’s
ear i’m not sure
which is even crazier if he did
but it was a
funny fucking special man this had a
bunch of good shit in it i
watched it the
other day it was on like
is it online
i can’t remember
if i saw it online or if i saw it on the tv but
is he’s underrated man he was one of
those guys that for whatever reason got famous for
movies and got
famous for a lot of
stuff but when he was on like as a
stand up he was fucking
great man he was
great like he was really good it’s just
shocking to me how few people recognize that you know
i’ve never seen it i don’t think i’ve
ever i don’t
think i’ve seen him do
stand up really yeah dude you gotta
watch his i
think it’s called last stand
i think that’s what it’s called
like i said i just saw it the
other day for the
first time in years and it was really good man
i was like this stuff is
he’s just so likable and he’s so relaxed on
stage just he’s just a real comic man
you know it just
doesn’t really
get that credit that he deserves for that i
think i mean
i just you know
contradict myself because i always say
that people get exactly the credit that they deserve
cause you know
no one should you
know people always like you know oh he
doesn’t get
enough credit but he does you know he’s fucking
somehow another he’s not connecting to people you know
he’s not he’s not putting it out there he’s
not getting it broadcast like he’s got to figure it out
you can’t just be good
everybody has to know you’re good you have to
let everybody know there’s something out there that can
hey i like this
guy here you can see what he does on youtube
it’s got to be something out there
to connect to people if you’re not doing it you know
right did you see
ll cool j last
night on conan o’brien
weird with that guy no
why you gotta find a clip or
watch that episode
well he was just acting very
crazy and then like not
anything insane but like you were just kind of
watching him really something’s
not right like
maybe he went too far
in some kind of drug or something
but he was talking
about he was at this play recently in la like a
month ago i did not hear about this
and in the play there’s this part
where this wall falls down or something like that it
starts wobbling
and he saw this wall
starting to fall down and he runs on stage
grabs this woman
tries to get her to protect her from this wall
and the woman’s like you’re ruining my show
in the middle of a play
and he got kicked out and
everything like that but he’s telling this
story and i’m like
this can’t be true
i googled it
and sure enough there was like newspaper articles
about oh cool dude it goes
crazy and jumps on
stage of play
he must have been so hot
he’s like this fucking wall’s
gonna kill the kids oh shit
the lady’s gonna die i’m fucking hella
cool g i’m gonna jump up there and shit
and he’s just seemed very positive
on the cone he was just like i just love
everything i do i like he’s like he was
antidepressants yeah that’s what he’s saying
i gotta see it now pull that shit up son
come on how to find conan o’brien’s episode last night
google maybe
try on google
put it together brian
come on you’re a web genius
do you think it’s available online
if it’s that weird
see somebody probably did it right
oh probably not
maybe it was just me
i don’t know
i’ll find it though if i you
think it was maybe it was just you that thought it was
help wait a minute stop
how high were you when this was happening no i was not
i was not i was not high it’s just like
it was like he was acting weird and then he told that
story and then it was like wow something
really weird is going on we
paying full attention or were you semi masturbating
while you’re watching this
i was laying in
laying in bed
that’s if you
leave a man by himself alone
in a room the tv on eighty percent of his time will be
spent semi masturbating
you know i’m just some out hands
can rub my balls
cause it feels good and no one’s here
so will you
tell the truth no i was just laying in bed actually
that would be weird as fucks on
watching you got nervous watching el cooljay
there’s past
videos you just
created this fucking
dilemma you’re laying in bed with your tramp dog
so was it actually an effect
that he didn’t recognize
was that what was
going on or did he actually
right it was an
effect that he thought was really
happening like a wall was falling down and he grabbed
the actress
oh boy maybe just wanted to try to fuck her real
quick he apologized and he said you know i feel so
he’s like i’m really embarrassed
about the whole situation but i’m thinking
really you’re at a play why
would you ever think that
so in the middle of the play
l how cool j is such a bad
motherfucker and has so much
confidence that he
might have just wanted to fuck that
chick and said well i’ll just rescue her real
quick i’ll pretend to and then i’ll fuck her and then
can you imagine
being at your play and
lo cool j jumps somebody
what the fuck can you imagine doing a play okay it’s
2010 we don’t need that shit anymore stupid
very realistic collapsing walls yeah
that shit’s ridiculous
yeah i don’t
know it’s like morse code we don’t need it anymore
we don’t need that shit
we got way better shit than plays
that’s like cave
painting stupid
stop it you know man
that’s one of the bad things
about living in la
is no gay place no
you will inevitably
get invited to one of your actor friends plays
and it is death i went to
musicals i went to one with my brother
and it was so bad and it was this very serious
it was this very serious part this
super serious part
and my brother
is you know
when you’re with someone and they’re trying not to
laugh and you look over and you see
they’re trying not
to laugh and then you’re trying not to laugh at
the same time
so in the middle of this play
which is about the
witch burnings
and this woman’s doing this very dramatic monologue
about the witch burnings
i look over and my brother’s like
got his fist balled up and it looks like he’s crying
cause he’s trying not to
laugh oh my god
like he was being affected by
it oh my god the worse man
cause he was trying not to
laugh so hard he was actually crying we both were
cause if you
laughed it would be it’s a tiny little
black box and you
would just look like the biggest asshole
brian callan took me to he had this
acting teacher
and this acting
teacher was a fan of musicals
and though he claimed to be married to a woman
i had questions
so anyway that’s neither here nor there
so we go to this show that this guy puts on
and brian says
i gotta stop by my acting
coach real quick he’s got this
thing going on come with me it’ll be fun it’ll be fun
okay what is it
it’s just this thing yeah
it’s like he sings he’s got him
he likes musicals it’s
kinda it’s gonna be cool it’s gonna be cool i’m
going there real
quick i’ll say hi and then we’ll go then we’ll go
okay so i go
i have no idea
what i’m getting into okay we’re high as fucking
paula abdul on the ride home from the pharmacy
having sex with
jesus in space
okay we’re fucking
smashed you know
this is the
early days of my pot smoking too
where i just
would go deep way too many times i
would go like in public just way too high
like i should be
at home under the
covers with the
lights out okay i
should be in my jammies
and here i am just
wandering around
seeing random things
so this guy goes on
stage and he’s wearing
those slip on shoes
i hate like
and i see men with
those slip on
dress shoes with the hard wooden heel
you know those little
you know those little
things yeah they’re almost as bad as the frog
shoes those
sandals i know you’re talking
about they’re
penny loafers and they’re
penny loafers yeah and they’re wearing them with little
skinny black
socks like that is not comfortable
that’s an uncomfortable shoe what the fuck
are you doing yeah why do you have to wear that stupid
thing for business like what are you doing
now you’re out singing and you wear these
stupid fucking
shoes this is just me that’s
weird thing
about people dressing
like you know business
he you know
i’m like this is like you’re trying to like appear
to be something to me so he’s singing he gets on
stage and he
starts singing
and this is what he sings
songs that are in musicals
i mean one of them
fuck one of the lyrics was
he was like singing a song like to
to a little girl like his
might have been a daughter or something like that
and it was like
breathe when you need to breathe
like that was one of the lines
what was brian callan doing we were biting our hands
biting our hands and my toes were curling
under themselves
it was the one of the most bizarre forms of
entertainment i’ve ever seen in my life one man
singing a bunch of show tunes to
his friends
and then his students and his students friends
was it in it was in a theater
no it was in the the the um
the roosevelt hotel
you know the
place in the roosevelt hotel sure roosevelt
hotel where we were doing comedy
remember we were doing comedy there for a while
yeah it was
jay davis’s place
oh yeah i know you remember that
that room was
a really cool room it was interesting yeah
well this is
where the guy so it was like a cabaret
yes yes and it was
one of the fucking
worst things
i’ve ever seen in my life and of course
brian didn’t want to
leave i can’t
leave i gotta just
stay stay stay
really he was too high
he didn’t wanna
we’re just panicking
about going out and facing the outside world
so we sat and
watched this
thing go down for like an hour
how did the guy
get i got the
ll cool j audio by the way oh you do yeah
is it really this interesting
well i mean it’s
you think so
well you could just listen
to a little bit of how positive and drug another
thing is is he’s not sponsored by this cologne but he
brings his favorite cologne
that he’s like i’ve been wearing this all my life
to give the conan as a present
i am so curious as to whether i’m gonna
agree with you on how he’s behaving
it’d be better if you
looked at the video i
guess okay let
me come over
duncan seat for a
second he just seems very
happy drug like
super happy
like it’s almost creepy
we’re playing
musical chairs here people while
duncan has to go and pee
fucking child
duncan’s got a weak
blend bladder
duncan we’re
gonna have to get you one of them new bladders
can everybody else hear this
really hearing it through the microphone
yes my favorite cologne this is your favorite
ah buffering really
colonial and if he is on dom and i got you some
no i just wear old spice
this is getting a little white hair it’s nice
cologne is for faggots carry on
i mean you wear your claw i’m just kidding bearded
women will flock to me now nice but i’m gonna
my steer clear your stinky ass
making out with a little cool
oh god what you say about the bearded woman
no i thought about the bearded woman
thanks so much for being here
congratulations on all your
success your show is a massive hit and we’re all very
happy for you and grateful congratulations to you
thank you we’re having a blast here
and i wanted to i wanted to say no no no no please
it is fresh it’s fresh it’s fresh
the tsa is an eleven huh smell it smell it smell it
this seems pretty normal to me brian
i read about watch the story okay give me the
story i want to see all the nonsense yeah
did he just said i read
about was he gonna lead right into it right there
who wants to try it you bought the portrait
and then you loaned it out to the smithsonian yeah
and it’s hanging in there and i’m just look at this
portrait this is amazing it looks very look at that
that is very cool is that him yeah
he looks like he had sex with biggie smalls
doesn’t it it was all a
dream i used to read word up magazine
story yeah this is wack editing son
i’m gonna get back to my seat
he looks pretty normal to me
i must have been masturbating i forgot
it’s not as cool as i remembered it last night
i just remember thinking
i just remember thinking l cool j is
cracked out and then he tells us
man he sounds totally normal you were high as fuck
son this is evidence you need to get your shit together
you got chemtrails over your
house boy kim trail
fucking with your head it’s a government man
it’s a government brian
kill it brian
hello cooljab met him once when i was on news
radio and seemed like a fine young man
you’re making him out to be a goddamn
crackhead what do you think
about totally normal no except for the
story about him jumping on in the middle of a play well
maybe he was a little high then bro
or maybe he’s just a
super nice guy who likes to do cool shit
or maybe just thought let me just fuck this
chick real quick
yeah billy’s falling coming here
come with me
he’s a handsome man he’s all yoked and shit
maybe he just takes chances
i always liked listening to oh cool j’s old songs
cause he used to
always rap about ice
cream and puppy dogs
do you remember that he’ll just
throw in like
puppy doubles and ice
cream in the middle of a song
i don’t know what you’re talking about wow
his old stuff
he always talks about ice
cream and licking lips and
don’t call woods and mama said
knock you out that’s a
great fucking
song i don’t care
as long as i don’t hear it too often
you know hear it like once
every couple of years that song is the shit man yeah
you know when someone don’t call it a comeback
you know he had like some
angry confident raps you know he had some fun shit
he was good man he’s a really good rapper
you know i enjoyed a
bunch of his fucking songs
so i don’t appreciate you talking shit
about him brian
especially when so poorly researched
you need to
study that shit whilst sober young man
you’re just terrified of anything black
it’s all my talking about
black dicks on this podcast
while staring in your eyes it’s like nom to me
i just see a
black person on the tv and i just
think of you and
black dicks
chasing me down
a hallway with some guy in prison and i’m
ripping its balls off and i can’t stop
oh you’re fucking yeah you’re anti rape technique
anti prison rape of ball
grabbing i got an
email from somebody who
asked me to not say rape rape rape rape
rape why not use rape
rape why didn’t
they want you to
say this is an unpleasant thought
it’s an unpleasant you know
what if somebody
what if one of your
loved ones had been raped
would you still use rape
who the fuck sends that email
well you know
maybe he had somebody that was raped i mean it’s a good
point guess
i mean what is
raping your
eyeballs with that email
is it is it a
point is he send
emails to everyone
who uses that word is he’s i don’t know
maybe i mean i didn’t ask is he trying to eliminate
emails to ask questions
about i didn’t psychia
i don’t know i don’t know though mean what is that a
valid i the idea that you know saying something that
could hurt someone’s feelings when you
could have an alternative word that
maybe wouldn’t be
ideal for the
expression that you’re trying to
if we were doing a show for king rapey
no man for me come on
what percentage of the guy
that sent that email
he’s the worst king
you know what you get at
least i’m like
you know his name is
king hugs and cuddles
he’s a fucking
barbarian he likes to fuck kids in the ass and chop
their heads off when he comes king
no use the word
yeah i mean better to be called that
right so you know exactly what you’re getting yeah
you know what let me go back
to what we were talking
about before when you talk about
this all this pillaging talk
you know when we’re talking
about the vikings and shit
so you think that’s what killed the
roman empire right
yeah well it seems like there’s a
bunch of different empires that did the
exact same thing
right like the
greeks same
thing they had fantastic
structures they
never repaired
them everything went to shit and then
civilizations sort of stayed in the same area
but became completely vastly different right
isn’t that amazing
they got these incredible
structures like some of the most amazing
things that people have ever
built ever right the acropolis
acropolis and the parthenon
here amazing beautiful artwork
there’s sculptures and shit
and then they just kind of stopped doing that
and let it all fall to shit
like they forgot how to repair
those buildings yeah
the same people
you know i’m saying people are
still living there
was never unpopulated
where was like a barren
wasteland a nuclear bomb blew off and people couldn’t
live there for a fucking a hundred thousand years no
people stayed in that same area
but they never figured out how to
fix all that shit they just kind of let it fall apart
and nobody owns it
i mean somebody
owns it obviously mean they have tourism and shit but
you know what i’m saying like nobody owned it to fix it
you know hey this is my shit i
gotta fix this fucking
thing what the
buildings falling
apart you know
okay let’s get some workers to work on the coliseum
no they built the coliseum and then just fucked off
you know i can remember
right when this society we’re in right now
started to kind
of go into this collapse and it was like
the root i don’t remember how
many years ago it was but i remember like sitting in
a movie theater and looking down and there’s
this rip in the seat and i looked over and there’s
a rip and then another seat and i was like you know
that’s different like that
would normally be repaired it was like
things were kind of fraying at the edges a little bit a
while ago and now what you’re talking
about is happening here
much more like
if you look around when you’re out
look at how
dirty the cars are i know that
sounds stupid
but people aren’t washing
their cars like cars are really
cost money to wash a car yeah
people don’t have a lot of
money now and
things are really getting dilapidated you
can kind of see this kind of
this paul is setting over
things that i’ve
never seen in my
whole life i’ve
never seen that ship before well we’ve
never been a part of a recession before
right now we’ve
never been a part of when the fake
system falls
apart then they have to kind of rebuild
but they don’t really rebuild they rebuilding the same
structure of what i call unfixable bullshit
you know the
stock market the economy the political
system that we have it’s all like
you’re gonna rebuild the society on this
fucking house of lies
you know we got to figure out a new way to do
things and when i’m looking at
these other
civilizations like the
greeks and the romans
the ones that risen and fell
like look at the
egyptians same
thing you know when
they discovered
those ruins
those ruins there’s no one living in them
they were just
giant monuments that had been
taken open and they’d been you
know people had raided them and
stolen all the artifacts and
stuff and sold them but there was
there’s no one living in there
those are the most amazing
structures human beings have ever created
and their civilization devolved to the
point where people moved out
that’s a pretty incredible
that’s pretty incredible
the most amazing
civilization ever and it fell
apart so much that there was no one living there
right what the mayans too
right the mayans too yeah the mayans too
very very interesting and similar story
they don’t know exactly what happened with the mayans
they you know the mayans
weren’t like someone said oh
they were killed but no that’s not true they don’t know
they don’t know what happened to the mayans it
appears like the mayans just left that’s why all these
nutty fucking lizard
reptilian believe in people they were in a
spaceship they came and kukla
khan took them to the
on a fiery serpent yes
serpent with feathers
right the feathered serpent
yeah that’s
quacks a quote
yeah what’s a quattle
yeah there was a movie
called otto
there was a
movie called q
yeah and i liked when i was a kid which is
about a quexa
quatta attacking a city it’s really
yeah it’s called q
yeah will you
tell me that’s on itunes i don’t know it’s like an old
school movie and it’s
like i must
google that right now
you yeah somebody needs to make a
fucking movie man
i already gave you you bitches
wolf werewolf on a
plane although i
heard that that
chuck pal on the hook and the
what’s his name
the guy who
wrote fight club the guy who
wrote he wrote
oh i know you’re talking about
famous officers
in a bunch of
great books
apparently he made a
scene and then someone actually sent me the
scene i thought
i was inventing a beautiful moment a guy a girl
i was in on a flight once and a girl had a
seizure and
and i was like what if she turned into a werewolf
holy fuck could you imagine being on a
plane that’s a
great idea yeah
and so apparently
chuck pal and a hook nook whatever
his name is fantastic writer already thought of it
damn motherfucker
that’s yeah
he made it even
creepier because it was a little girl
that motherfucker
really up to me he up to me he’s genius
that was pretty the cool description the way he
described it to
he’s got a really
harsh way of depicting
things where like
it just there’s like
no judgment to it it’s just this is what’s happening
you know it’s like here it is it’s like whoa
you read his
shit i love writers like that but kowski’s like that
fucking love that i just
started watching a documentary on bekalski which one
i’ll tell you it’s on my itunes
cause i was
watching it on the
plane and i was
enjoying it up into a
point but i was like god damn this
motherfucker was negative
at certain points i was like dude
you bring it on yourself bitch
born into this i know
born into this i
had a recording of him reading his poetry
and somebody was
heckling him for whatever reason and all of a sudden
he just stops and he’s like
i’ve got a blade in my pocket
and i will cut you man
like he he was fucking serious
he was serious
drunk he was
totally serious yeah he was like
he was he was like
ready to fight cause he
was a bar brawler yeah he
would brawl with people
and he did it on purpose
his whole idea was that
you gotta live
and you gotta fuck
gotta get drunk
yeah can’t just
fucking shit this out
this really
crazy way of looking at life that you
had he was willing
to like live a wild life for his writing
well he reminds
me of like a zen master like if you read zen poetry
and like this pure
crisp description of reality that’s just
it’s the same kind of
thing but he’s just talking about
filthy horrors
and tenements
and people are like
that’s not good
it’s not good yes it is it’s just not good for
first of all
i ate a pot cookie on the plane so
not the best time to be
watching something
like this this guy’s all negative and
goddamn he’s so
crazy but he’s not
gonna ever get scared of that though that you’re
gonna eat the wrong
strongest cookie ever at one time
it happens many times i’ve
learned some of the
greatest lessons of my life
little surprises
i get scared by
those trips but
those trips
teach me everything
yeah that’s what i learn
totally because you don’t
you listen you
wouldn’t normally invite that onto yourself
but opposite
for whatever
reason you eat too much and then you’re like
going into the fucking grid
or into the
others layers upon
layers of denial and
a good pot cookie will wipe out nearly all them bitches
yeah nearly
all and fucking
shine some lights on some shit you forgot about
yeah and he and it’s healing too it’s like you know
everyone talks about how
marijuana is
medicinal and i
never understood that
until i ate a lot of pot and was was like
laying down and and i really felt as though or like
going through my psyche
and doing a defrag
or something was like put you know it was like um
it was like
cleaning up stuff
and getting rid of the bullshit
and for weeks
after that i felt a million times happier
it really is like
medicine for the ego
it’s like ego tablets
you know your ego’s been
lying to you here take this and you can see what’s
going on oh look
you got all this happening here and now
this is why you won’t do that and you know you don’t
clean your office
cause you don’t
want to come to the consequences of being a
success and you know from
right together and
you let go what your fucking parents did they were
stupid they were
young too okay fuck yeah it’s almost
like a coach
yes it’s almost like a
coach standing
right next to you
try that yeah
in the tank
all right that’s
where it’s at dude that’s
where it’s at
we can have a way better
world if people would just
i need to make a document
it’s not a documentary
thing i need to make something
happen where more people get access to
these tanks and like document it
set these tanks up all over the place
get people involved in
them and get them to get high as fuck and go in there
and get them to reevaluate
their life you
should do it as a
it would be awesome as if you
could figure out a way to do that with prisons
see you get
prisons no no
no make the
water dirty
you gotta you know
now that’s too much work
it’s work but it’s like to me that’s the
i’ve always thought that if they need a
bunch of steps before they get
the isolation tanks you can’t just let dudes fucking
climb in a tank of
water dudes
would be jumping
in there with them and buttfucking them
you’d have to control
water would have way too much salt
in it you have to control it
yeah i’m not in
favor of rewarding prisoners
with shit like that i don’t
think it to figure out a way to
you know counsel them to
to you know
integrate them back in society and i don’t think the
system that they have
right now is the
right way to do it but
if i was a fucking
victim or the family of a
victim and there’s some dude who’s getting an isolation
tank and i can’t afford it i’ll be like fuck you
you know i don’t
think they deserve that shit
it’s just you
have to punish people and you have to set an example
for doing shitty
things as long
as it’s not like drug related non violent crimes
you know like oh he had a bag of pot
on him now he’s in jail you know that kind of nonsense
when you watch locked up raw
and you see the way
these guys are being
treated they’re
freaking out yeah it’s horrible it’s like okay i get it
vengeance and i understand
the desire for
vengeance from the family but
isn’t there like a bigger
picture here
which is that
yeah you want
vengeance but that’s
just part of the same problem is that it is part of
the same problem but the problem is this person is not
gonna get any better if you let them out and they don’t
learn anything from this they don’t suffer
guess what nothing changes
and you leave them in
guess what nothing changes either they
get beat up
i don’t think they
learn anything
from the current way
that they’re
treated but at
least the victims have the
satisfaction of knowing that this person has to pay for
their suffering
which is great
until that fucking person gets let out what if they
don’t ever four
months but a lot of them do most of them do
yeah so suddenly so now you got your fucking
pound of flesh this guy got raped for 10 years
he got addicted to
some weird prison drug
and now he’s out in the streets and he’s
gonna do it again
and then that
spreads more
that spreads more of
disease okay
we’re taking like very
very specific examples
but it’s more important than anything to protect people
from people that want to harm them
that’s the most important thing
so if anybody’s violent if anybody’s
dangerous they need to be locked up and if they don’t
learn or if you don’t
think that they’re
if they have a real
objective assessment they
think this guy’s
going to go back and get revenge
they should
never be let out well i was reading mckenna talking
about how do you
you know diagnose
that how do you correctly
you know make that call
and not improve
and someone for life because you don’t like them but
leary and back in the 60s they were doing
experiments with
i don’t know if it was lsd or psilocybin
with prisoners
and the effect was
tremendous it was
changing them and
transforming them
and so that’s what i’m saying it’s like
that’s a better option
the tank is too complicated
the tank you need too much control of yourself
you need to be able to be calm and
relax you need
to be able to let go to use it
you need to not piss and jerk off in there you fuckhead
you know what i’m saying
you know what i’m saying
you’re right
so you don’t want to
leave that we don’t want filthy prisoners in a
flotation thing i
think we all
agree on that but giving them mushrooms
would be a way
cheaper and way better solution and a really good one
i mean if you wanted to reintegrate them
you could just create an alternate society
where look you can’t ever go free but
how about we only have the mushroom taking
population segmented
off from the rest of everybody else
and we give
you guys a chance to reestablish a community
we have a giant
track of land you have gps trips on don’t try to escape
we’re gonna put the gps
trip into muscully in your body if you cut it
out it will register in a computer you go back to jail
for the rest of your term
plus parole no questions asked
so take the mushrooms
and you live in this little
place in the village like a fucking m night
shamalama ding dong movie
and everybody goes out there by themselves completely
disconnected from society and let’s do this as an
experiment let’s take all
these fucked up prisoners
and make them eat mushrooms
take the most violent the most fucked up the craziest
and let them talk to the
spirit world five
grams all the time all day son
all day son
we’re gonna
watch them evolve
right before our
ebo gain trips
every month
every month they have
scheduled ebo
gain trips these
motherfuckers are
gonna do ayahuasca
we’re gonna give them a full
psychedelic re
evaluation but how amazing
would it be
if instead of having to send them to
their plot of land
what if when people came out of prison
cause we were so advanced and we understood
psychology so well
when people came out of prison
they were like
professors they were
a million times
better and then
they’re helping society the
problem is there’s too many
there’s not enough
money there’s too many there’s too many fucking people
there’s too many people that are so far gone you’re
gonna have to do something special
to make them change
that’s where my mushroom
plantation comes in
i like i like the rogan mushroom
plantation i
think the duncan
trussell lsd egg
is much better
which is an egg
shaped thing that prisoners go in for
many many years
until their ego is
completely erased
they’re reprogrammed with only
positive teachings they learn
about buddhism all the
world religions
and that you pop them back out into society
maybe you start with six seven
but you pop
them back out into society and now instead of
putting the poison back into society
you’re putting
an antidote
well that’s a beautiful idea in theory
but that’s so far away from being able to be done
you know we’re talking science fiction there
i mean it’s
not science fiction i mean it’s not yet we’re not
yet capable of it but
mushrooms are here
right now that’s what i’m saying
that’s what i’m saying this
inducing so
you’re saying this is a mushroom
i lost your
what i’m saying is
you put prisoners in
some sort of
chamber i don’t know what else you’re saying
you inject them with it or something you just have them
it’s exactly the same
thing you said i was just i was
being a little too
weird about it
cause yeah you had created some alternate
reality where you
can erase their memory it’s so
weird cause no
i think if you gave someone enough lsd you
would erase
their memory but
in my mind it’s like
an egg like thing
where you project
this is where you lost
i was like what are you talking
about i don’t know why i see like this but i see
this egg like
thing and you project on the walls
just like morkamania
beautiful images
it’s like a mork egg he came out
it’s like a mork egg
yeah dude it’s a mork egg
just nailed it son
that’s it my man
pulled out look
the greatest all time
reference is a mork egg
i didn’t even remember that a morgue egg was a real
thing until you brought that up well the morgue egg
was i’ve always wanted one of
those morgue eggs
or the bill
cos i gotta
get some knuckles on the morgue egg reference
but you guys both need to follow the
brian redband prison idea
because it was way better than the duncan trestle
prison idea
let’s just make them
bomb sniffer dogs and
use prisoners for things like that
okay we might have a bomb in here oh yeah by the way
we were talking about the the lsd
experiments we were talking about the
mk ultra yeah we were talking
about the shit that they did the cia
that turned ted kaczynski into the unabomber
supposedly allegedly
that the documentary and we talked
about in the podcast before i
think the documentaries called the net
very very fascinating
really interesting shit
so that’s my problem with the lsd
my problem with lsd is i keep hearing
crazy stories about people losing their marbles
you know and howard stearns talked
about it how he took it once and he took too much of it
and he had this horrifying
scary fucking trip
and where he
was like losing his mind and then the drummer from pink
floyd that joey diaz always talks about
did some fucking
lsd lost his mind i don’t remember the dude’s name
sid barrett is that his name
yeah i think you know the whole
story i don’t
think he was a drummer but yeah
i know that
he was a guitar player what was he no
he was like a singer and i
think he was like one of the
founders of it or
something yeah
the story goes that he just they were all
tripping out so much but he
i think he became a
schizophrenic or a shut in
in london or something and then he died
he’s dead but he released some great
sid bear released some and that was
due or they
allegedly believed it was due to an lsd trip
like it was connected oh
yeah they say it was he went
crazy from he did the lsd and just lost
his with see
you know you hear
about that you don’t hear
about that with mushrooms
right although that’s not totally true
cause dennis mckenna
terrence mckenna’s brother apparently
lost it for a long time they had some big
crazy mushroom trip down in central america or
south america
and he was gone for like two weeks
where he was like in this
complete like fit of madness it was just a
shit happens a lot
with mushrooms yeah growing up when i used to do
mushrooms a lot a lot of my friends had the same shit
where like what happened to so and so and like oh i
haven’t seen him for like a week and then
he comes back and he’s like dude i had
a really bad
trip i just sat in my
house for a week and thought
about things
i’ve had that a few times do
you think that is
do you think that that is just an overwhelming amount
of psilocybin and they just couldn’t process it or
do you think that it was a very bad time in
their life when they took it
and then there’s
some sort of an internal struggle between
the experience a
psychedelic experience
which requires
absolute truth and honesty
and all the issues that you
might have not resolved in your
own mind they’re constantly fucking with your psyche
so then a battle takes
place between the
psychedelic truth and
all the shit that you’re trying to keep in the
closet and the dark and all the
douchey behavior and all life and stress and death and
sucking dicks and
airplanes getting hit by missiles
and it all just falls
apart and your mind
literally cannot grab anything
it’s just madness
where just like
defragging before your eyes the information is
crumbling your ability to decode
language it’s all dissolving
like you fuck your whole
brain sideways
and apparently
for like two
weeks he was gone but that’s when you need a shaman or
somebody somebody could talk
you down i’m
gonna lead you through that
cause that means you’re at the
right place
that’s when the healing
starts as they’ve pulled all the fuck they’re
scrubbing the germs of your ego way and all of a
sudden you’re in this open place
and if you’re with someone who knows what they’re doing
who really knows what they’re doing then you can
evolve at that moment and become
something so much happier and more real than you are
it’s just that’s the sad
thing about it is
no one knows how to do that and
kids are like
fucking tripping out on
psychedelics and having rotten trips because
no one knows how
to they don’t know
how to do it and also they’re coming from
you know who knows what
their view of the
world is and how far it is off from reality
and that’s one
thing about all
psychedelic trips is they
force you before we go any further
i’d like to see your ticket
and i’d like to see your ticket is
here is your real life for real
okay so before we go
and talk to any fucking flying blue
dragons it’ll take you into the center of the universe
and show you
the fabric of life that’s
under the hood
of the car of the universe
before we do that
here’s you i
think sometimes the drugs affect
different people in different ways
other than that though like
i think i’ve said this before this girl i knew
she hit one you know
bong once and she just took off running as fast as she
could into my bathroom and hit the tub and fell
against the wall and
stuff but when
she came back to it she was like i don’t remember
doing it i have no idea why i did that and i’m like
what one hit from weed made you do this don’t ever
touch weed ever again
yeah you’re
right man look stanhope
doesn’t like weed
you know he’ll
tell you i don’t like what it does to me yeah
stanhope likes everything
i mean he’s a mushroom aficionado
you know he’s probably taken
30 times more drugs than
i have he’ll help to fucking take anything i heard this
i was reading the
biography of timothy leary
and i can’t remember the name of it now there’s a
bunch of them i’m sure but the one i was reading
there was a reporter who was at the
house where they were all
tripping out and
who was like
watching them
he was like
apparently gonna do a negative
story on them or something
because you know as you know leary
was up in this
house with a
bunch of hippies like
alan ginsberg
and richard albert and like a lot of the beat
people from the 60s so
and they were all
experimenting with acid but
this reporter
apparently snuck into timothy
leary’s office
where under his office in a drawer in a
decanter he had liquid acid
the reporter
thinking it was
vodka or some kind of alcohol poured himself a
drink and drink
oh yeah wow
and oh my god
ingested this
massive amount of acid not even knowing it
and so he started having this
incredibly terrible trip and they say he took his
clothes off he was running around the grounds naked
but they got him to sit down
and fucking
alan ginsberg and i can’t remember who the
other people were they all
started singing hari
krishna to this guy
the hard christian
amaha mantra which is
hardy christian hardy christian
christian christian hardy
got it all mad sing it
bitch sing that shit
you know how to sing it no
come on you know how
to sing first
of all i have a
terrible you
know how to do all this shit look up the beatles on
how to do it
dude you know how to do it you know how to do it well
no you do it all the time you don’t know
the thing about
hearted christian is you can sing it
which is called a cretan right but
you don’t have to sing it
sounds cool you know how to do it it’s cooler
just get it let it go it’s cooler to
chant it okay go ahead
but you all have to
chant it with me okay
tell me what
it does hardy krishna hardy krishna
no don’t play that don’t play that for a
second cause it really is just
serious bro
it’s not serious
it’s fucking serious it’s not serious but it’s kind of
internet is serious business
trying to get you guys
see cats everywhere when i say that
hit me with it
so guys howdy
krishna howdy
krishna howdy
krishna howdy
krishna krishna
krishna krishna krishna
howdy howdy
howdy howdy howdy
rama howdy dama
howdy rama how do
you rama rama rama
rama rama howdy
howdy howdy
howdy so guys
howdy krishna
krishna krishna
here’s an easier one here’s another mantra which is a
is a good one it’s just rom rom r a m so go rom
fast well however you want to do it
i think we’re too high
to be doing a podcast
the fact that we were even
considering that that might be
entertaining for all the people listening shows you a
state of consciousness
where no it’s
trippy and mantras are really it is
weird it doesn’t it gives you a weird feeling it does
because and mantras are
great because
whatever the one is you decide to do
it gives you a chance to
focus your mind
on something outside your thoughts because i do that
after yoga sometimes i do ohms
i did like a long ohm
session in like the
in a lotus position
i do that it seems so
silly and pretentious
while you’re doing it
you’re like what kind of fucking faggot
i am right now
when my friends
walked in on me from high
school like what are you doing stupid
and fucking what are you doing you
gonna suck a couple dicks
after this and eat
some berries you know
it’s not pretentious
it just seems like
of course it’s not pretentious but
there’s a certain amount of silliness
that’s attached to any yoga
even if you say you’re a
vegan or something you’re an environmentalist
anytime there’s anything caring
in any sort of consideration
there’s like a
bunch of weakness attached to it
so if somebody catches you
sitting there in the
low disposition with
your fuck you finger
touching your
thumb going oh
like you silly
bitch what do you do
do you go what do you do do you go om
om or do long i’ll tell
you exactly
that’s what i do
that’s awesome
i do long ones i do that sometimes in the tank too
the tank gets even
weirder because it reverberates to the water
you know i do that when i need to
slow my mind down
i need to like
when i get into the tank sometimes it’s like
there’s an adjustment period of like a few minutes
i’m just trying to
relax and settle in and get
loose and just settle into the experience
and then sometimes i just can’t
this is too much on my mind i got too much fucking
going on too much
real life tm bullshit
you know invading my consciousness
so then i go oh
and i just only think
about my breathing
my breathing and making that noise
and then eventually i stop
thinking about my breathing and the breathing
just comes automatically deep and long and i just
think about hitting the right note
and then i’m like
because there’s like a certain
relaxation to it when you really hit it
when you’re faking it when you’re nervous
about it then you’re like
you know there’s like a break in the way you’re talking
you’re not relaxed enough to let that
sound come out what about the buddhist one
that’s the craziest shit
that’s the craziest shit that shit’s insane boy
yeah dude you sound like one of those instruments
what’s it called an australian thing diggery dude
you’re fucking freaking me out man
you’re fucking freaking me out man
you know what i’ve been chanting lately is uh
for a while now and i love it is
no what is that
it’s like this whole prayer whoa
but it’s from the duncans and alien
ladies and gentlemen you were right i was wrong
aliens are real we have one here with us he just
spoke to us in the code
he just sent the fucking signal to the motherships
i know an embarrassing amount of prayers and
other languages
here’s another it’s nothing embarrassing
about that at all it’s fascinating
yeah i love you that was amazing i’m obviously
fascinated if you look at this
fucking shiva over here
i have shit like this all over my
house i’m fascinated by like hindu artwork
there’s just something
about it to me
you know when i look at there’s something
about like india and india’s ancient artwork all these
women with like extra hands and shit it’s so
obviously psychedelic dude i had intensely i had
an incredible dream once where
it was like
those things whatever those things were in this
dream i was like at a restaurant though but
these things that look like
shiva that the
angelic hindu thing right
they came up to me and
they were so beautiful and so perfect and i was like
looking at them and
for some reason i was like i said
you look like me
and they were like no
you look like us
as though to say like
humans were a reflection
of what they are or like
just an expansion of like
whatever that thing is
wow you know another
this awesome
you know of course in
hinduism the universe is called maya
which means illusion
and the way they describe this universe is
it’s like the reflection
of a forest on a lake
our universe is the reflection
of the true universe like the true universe is so
powerful that we’re this kind of
shimmering weird
reflection of it and we all
think that we’re real
and permanent and constant and it lasts
forever when it’s just nothing more than just like a
i don’t know just some kind of
i don’t know an illusion maya
that’s what they call reality illusion
damn not real at all how
wack is christianity in
comparison to that right
yeah how fascinating that’s like such high level shit
yeah and that’s like
dj high tech
dj high tech
high level shit full flex
yeah that’s what
ninja would say high
level shit next
level shit next
level shit you know what man it is next
level shit right
well yeah i mean
it’s not i don’t i don’t know that i’d call it next
level shit i
would it’s like high level
it’s the next
level just it’s the
level it’s people zooming into the
level and you
know what it is
an interesting
thing about the
hindus is they
ate a lot of hash
and mushrooms yes and mushrooms soma
when yes soma they don’t even know exactly what it is
soma is referenced in many of the ancient texts
right and they think it
might have been amanita
mescaria and psilocybin
cubensis and a
bunch of other shitlift
mixing together there’s a lot of debate on what it is
but it’s very
clear that something that they
ate that made them have
experiences i mean they’re saying
we did psychedelics
we called it soma
we don’t know what soma is
but it’s very obvious from what they
wrote that it’s a
plant there’s
solid isn’t it
mckenna talks
about the rig
veda and the rig
veda is just
hymns to soma to the
and they have all
these ways of describing it
and that’s the oldest known
is that the oldest known
no it’s not the oldest known
written work
that no well no
i don’t i don’t know
one of the oldest well there’s the
upon a shot
right and then there’s there’s the
mahabharat which is what the bhagavad gita comes out of
and that’s the one that has all the what is it called
vimayas what is it called when something
flies to the sky oh yeah i don’t
remember the
name of it i don’t remember the name of it but
that’s a fascinating take on
you know that all the ufo believers
believe that in that book
maha bharata as i say it mahabarat
it means great
india barat
it’s spelled barada but barat means india
and maha means
great isn’t that
weird how we have names for countries
other than the names they use yeah
like germany is not germany
it’s doucheland
really yeah it’s not germany
and same with
like greece
greece is like hollis or something like that really
yeah yeah japan is not
japan let’s just what nippon
it’s totally different word and i ppo
n well it’s obviously in different characters
but phonetically it’s nippon
upon wow yeah
i feel dumb now wonder if russia is a different name
what is it now yeah
what was it before
naming something so
weird naming like a name for any geography a
noise you make with your
mouth that describes a spot yeah
so fucking it’s such an odd
thing the numbers
thing we’re just
keeping track of
everything i mean i
guess it helps traveling
yeah helps gps
kind of need it yeah
gotta all agree
it’s crazy that we all
agree on red being stop and
green being
go that’s everywhere in the
world nowhere that someone stubborn
is like fuck you bitch
i don’t even like red
dude to get back to the
india stuff
i felt like i wanted to tell you this story
but stop me if i already told you
did i ever tell you the
story of when richard alper
gave lsd to his guru in
india that story
i think we did talk
about that but i don’t remember
so this guy was like i don’t know if we talked
about it on the podcast but i know we talked
about it we
could just go
whatever shit overlaps on this
so richard alpert was this guy who was
a psychologist and he was hanging out timothy
leary blew his mind on acid
or i think it was mushrooms
and basically the
thing you were talking
about happened to him
where he like
cause he was really
like rich at the time and he had a nice car and i think
like things were really like
he was like a career
like he was on the up so to speak
and so he took this
psychedelic and saw his
life kind of just
vanish in front of him and he
realized that western society was obviously
a bit of a sham and
he ended up
going to india because he’d
heard these stories
over there richard albert is rom das
right that’s
right exactly he
calls himself the
rom das is his name
you can go to romdas com
he wrote be here now
but so he has this guru he goes to india
and basically finds his gurus this little man in a
blanket and
albert has lsd
with him and
according to his
story this little guy is like you have
medicine here you have
medicine here
albert gave him
you know at the time this is acid in the sixties being
carried around
by like someone who is friends with timothy
leary so this is high
powered shit
albert gives him some he eats it
eats one of them
and then he like motions for him to give him more and
basically eats
all of his acid all of it just gobbles it down
and so alper
thinks oh fuck i have
you know i’ve killed a little old indian man
right and he’s
gonna go insane
according to the
story no effect
nothing happened
no effect no
effect oh my god and and and and he said one
thing he said to him was this
reminds me of a
this reminds
me of something they had in the something valley
like some it was
just it reminded him of something he’s like it’s okay
but so albert
left went back to the united
states mind
blown by this little man because and he’s like he
tricked me right he palmed the
shit didn’t really eat it came back
the guy who albert
swears was telepathic was like
you don’t believe i
ate that stuff
because albert had brought more he took it
chewed it up in
front of him chewed it up in his
mouth opened his
mouth so he
could see that it was in his
mouth or whatever pill form and then
after some time went
under his blanket
and started making
moaning noises
and alvar was like oh fuck
he ate it this time and he went insane
and then he came out of his
blanket laughing
cause he’s fucking with him
and it didn’t affect him
again no effect
he was just playing into what albert thought
it would have done now
which was driven
but he’s so enlightened that he
still plays practical jokes yeah no he’s funny
yeah i don’t
think humor goes away that’s that’s a thing
comedians get afraid of like spirituality or
meditating or
whatever because they’re like i don’t want to not be
funny anymore yes dude i used to
think exactly that
thing yeah i don’t
think that i don’t think it
money goes away i
think it just gets better you guys better you guys
better the more at
peace you are the more
funny you are if i’m
the worst i’m
ever at is when i’m in stressful situations or i’m
upset at someone or said it myself or whatever
you know when you’re in a good
place you’re a happy
place and no stress yeah
always better yeah for sure
i don’t know man it’s
oh speaking of acid this is what i want to talk
about the wild and wonderful whites of west virginia
dude awesome
was that the craziest fucking documentary
you know i wasn’t i watched it i had to
watch it twice
the first time i was too tired when i
watched it i didn’t appreciate it that much
and then the second time i watched it and i was
like way more awake
and i was under the influence of the devil’s cabbage
i tried watching it the first time so
it was a terrible mistake
but watching it barbecued it was like whoa this is
a fucking fascinating family man this is the nuttiest
shit i’ve ever seen in my life
these fucking people
they live in west virginia
and their whole family are criminals
like everyone’s a criminal
they’re all
pill snorting
they crush pills up they get pills from somewhere
they all get prescriptions for
crazy pills too
they all got
money that they
get from the government and they sell pills
none of them have jobs this
is what they
call a mate and call him
west virginia and he
shakes his pills
this is how
you call a girl yeah dude that’s no joke either
that’s real
you know apparently my family
west virginia is another one of
those places
where it’s not so hard to get prescription medicine
right you know like florida
apparently is the easiest
you know that’s florida’s like
those pain management centers but these
west virginia
folks there
you know they’ll fucking
drive down florida to and
get bags and bags of pills
i mean these are all the
whole family are smoking weed and snorting
pills they’re snorting
pills this chick
chick just shit out a kid okay
the kid is in
the hospital she’s in the hospital better pussies all
stoned up with stitches
she’s snorting
pills on the side with her fucking friend
this is a wake up call i need to turn my life around
yeah and so the
child protective services take the baby she’s smoking
cigarettes outside
right after having
a kid you know
she smoked during the entire pregnancy if she’s
taking pills
she did everything thank
god they took the
baby’s okay
so you know
she has to turn her life around she goes into rehab
it’s gripping shit man it’s really getting is so crazy
yeah it’s amazing all of them are on
disability too remember that like the
father got them all in
disability so
they don’t have to work
it’s amazing man remember when when
she’s got pills and she’s like
i just bought
these pills for
eight dollars i’m taking them up the road and
was selling for ten dollars each that’s called hustle
bustle and rustle
what the fuck that’s how we do in
the country that’s how we do it we make sixteen dollars
fucking crazy shit man and then
hank williams the
third would just appear out of nowhere and
start playing the same
songs yeah so
weird oh it was
great he’s friends with them
wow yeah dude it’s amazing and they
asked the mom they’re like
what do you want to happen when you die
oh when you come to my funeral
won’t you blow pot
smoke in my face and
snoke snort
pills off my head
she put first on that comment on youtube
but first yeah i forget what her
exact quote is
can you imagine snorting
fucking oxycontin off of a corpse head
she had this incredible quote too
something like
i don’t know
you know at the end of it she was like oh it all
might be bullshit but at
least they know who the fuck we are
this bitch is
crazy she is committed
they do tattoos in the middle of their fucking
kitchen they’re in a trailer
and they’re tattooing each other
tattoo and not exactly sure how to
spell shit too high yeah it’s amazing with a
prison tattoo yeah
and then jesko the fucking the dancing outlaw
yeah holy shit
presley manson
is on his back is
that elvis presley and charles mann
tattooed on his back
any dances any dances
what a fucking awesome documentary
so good you haven’t seen it yet brian nope
oh my god you gotta get it netflix
yeah yeah yeah yeah it’s netflix
it’s johnny knoxville’s company made it
oh really yeah his company’s i guess it’s called oh
i remember seeing that at the beginning of
cause it all sounded familiar
it was the beginning of jack i said a preview for that
fuck dude how did i know it was amazing
it was amazing
incredible completely believable
oh fuck yeah
it’s real man they’re crying and shit and there’s
everything’s fake
yeah i don’t
think so man they follow
these people
around for a year and this is all the shit they got
dude can i please show you something a
video can i show you an internet
video totally can i get it on this phone
maybe i have a
video i don’t need to show you guys a
video but i’m
gonna talk about it
while duncan looks for this
when i was in germany there was a station
that had a 24 hour camera
that was on the
pilgrimage at mecca
oh cool and for 24
hours a day it just showed
these people
putting on these
white robes
and moving around this square
what is that square man what is the deal with that
isn’t it called the
no the hodge no that’s the
whole thing i
think is called the
hodge it’s called the hodge is like a
pilgrimage right
yeah version
of a pilgrimage yeah
well anyway this thing
is this big box
that’s in the center of this square and
it’s really beautiful like
incredible architecture i mean it’s fucking amazing
and everyone
super well behaved
you know there’s no one getting
in arguments or anything and they’re all like in
close proximity to each other
and they’re
touching each
other and they’re
walking around in a circle around this box 24
hours a day i
watched it for an hour and a half
just sitting there
with my jaw open like what the fuck
and duncan had sent me this
video once of
i sent him a
video of ants
or we both had seen it rather of ants
in a death spiral
yeah what was the reason for it like one of the
queen had died and you tweeted it
and it’s this yeah no the reason is is because like
ants follow each other’s
trail and so
basically they end up
following a
trail in the
wrong they’re
basically just end up
going in a circle following the same trail oh
how does that happen
because one ant fucks up one ant
fucks up or the
queen fucks up or something
and so they follow that so you get the entire nest of
ants all going in this circle
that looks like this beautiful spiral it’s amazing
yeah and it’s available online
it’s called
the ant death
spiral right
well you sent me this video
of them doing that at mecca it was like almost the
exact same thing
yeah it looks exactly the same
except they don’t die
but this desire to go around
in a circle they’re not just walking up that thing and
touching it
they’re walking
around it and they’re walking around it just
covered in robes i mean they’re basically
dressed like they were
dressed thousands
of years ago well there actually there was just a
video on cnn
of this guy who went there with like those with
what is it called the
things edison had
those weird silver
discs they used to record
stuff or cone
things i can’t remember what it’s
anyway it’s like this thing from
a very long time ago of mecca
with the recording
from back then showing like the city around it and
stuff and it was just much more
and less built up but the same fucking
thing man all the
muslims going around that
isn’t it amazing
that they’ve committed to that for so long
i mean that’s a fascinating
thing when i was
watching that i was like if this
this is thousands of years old
right islam
is over a thousand years old
right is it
1500 1500 years old something like that
you know i don’t
know anyway whatever it is it’s very old okay
if this had happened now if this was a new
thing if we were
watching a new
thing and there was a channel on
television that was
dedicated 24
hours to these new people
that wear robes and walk around in a circle
where there’s a sacred box
that they have to come to from all over the fucking
world and they just
spend hours and
hours walk around the circle
to this box
we would shut that fucking
thing down so
quick there
would be arms
fucking men outside with tanks
and jets ready to drop bombs to be like
what the fuck is in the box you freaks
what do you got a time machine there
stupid what the fuck you’re
dressing like you
dressed a thousand years ago and you’re
touching a box
is this fucking
thing gonna
take you back to a thousand years ago tell me why you
dressed like
that and they pray to it don’t forget that they bow
to it constantly
and they always
know where it is yep and they
touch it they move around they want to
touch it and people
pile through and eventually get to the center and
touch it they’re all
touching it all around it and around the people
touching it
is just layer upon
layer upon layer upon
layer of people
thousands and thousands i don’t know how many thousands
just moving
around in a circle milling around this thing it’s
really i’d like to go to it man i’d like to see
it’s just fascinating that how this is what i wanted to
bring up like how does that happen
how does a meme how does an idea become so
powerful that all of
these people like a billion of them all over the
world i mean what is the numbers of
islam is it a billion
something like that i have no idea probably at least
right yeah i don’t know
but i mean let’s say it’s not whatever it is
giant numbers of
humans all around the world
all follow this one pattern
and they really do all want to make this
pilgrimage to mecca and they really do say it’s an
incredible spiritual awakening
it symbolizes so much to them
that even if it’s a
placebo effect
going there and being in the presence of this thing and
touching it
and being around all
these people that are like oh my god i’m at mecca
we’re at mecca
today and it
forces everyone to be holy
forces everyone
to try to follow the tenets of this religion and really
believe in the love that
this group brings everybody together
their religion has so much more
power that it full than anybody else’s
nobody else is willing to make that sort of commitment
so because of this intense bond
this intense commitment they have
this is one of the
things that
makes them the most dangerous don’t they pray
three times a day
i don’t know i don’t know
how many times i pray whatever happened to that kid
that everyone thought was like this born
again god that just like
lived next to a tree remember and they were like
he would just sit there quiet
quietly for
days and not eat and everyone no that’s awesome
he was living in a tree
that was in
india wasn’t it yeah
never having a kid
was it india yeah
i don’t know where i
think it was india yeah
i don’t know for sure but i remember that it was
crazy and then he
went off into
the woods he was getting all this attention
and he said he needed to go where it’s
quieter because he was trying to
do some intense thing
and he was even
i don’t remember the
exact words he said but he’s like
i am not buddha but i am
some sort of
incarnation of the something something it was really
weird creepy
and then he just kind of disappeared
maybe he was
a crazy kid in india
maybe he’s just over
there eating mushrooms talking shit living in the woods
and then when
people come around interview him he just touched
he’s so high he
doesn’t even know what he’s saying
right he just
starts talking about
he’s the incarnation of the buddha
in the islam and
sing me some shit i
am this awesome fucking
professor in college and he got me
he basically
taught me into
going to india i went to
india for several weeks because of him wow
because i took a course called introduction to
southeast asia but
he said in india what happens is
hundred two hundred years ago holy man
someone someone considers a guru drops a glove or
does some little
thing or eats a melon
next to some certain place and
throws it down and then his falls are like oh let’s uh
and let’s enshrine
this place where the seed from the
melon our master8
is and then a temple eventually springs up around that
and so you’ve got
india’s just
scattered with
shrines and temples and all
these bizarre
constructs that come from
very specific
events in the
cause hinduism isn’t just like one religion
one religion
it’s a fragmentation of all
these different ideas people who worship brahm and
people who worship vishnu
people who worship shiva
people who worship demigods
david it’s all kinds of shit it’s not just one thing
it’s like a fragmentation
of of something they make the coolest art dude
yeah i do they’re fucking shiva like this shiva that is
you know someone explain to
me that this is supposed to be the the god of cannabis
that this is
supposed to be the god of cannabis and see that little
thing that he’s
standing on the bottom yeah that’s supposed to be
ignorance right and that’s
why he’s got a sack that he carries that’s his weed
that’s his weed
and this all represents fire
and he’s standing over
ignorance you
would think a
dollar bill you
would think
ignorance would be way bigger
that’s a little baby
ignorance it’s very
optimistic it’s
small ignorance
speaking ignorance can i show you this yeah
yeah what is it
and so what is this
what explain what we’re
watching i’m not really sure it’s some sort of
patriotic musical
it’s called
that’s america to me look it up on youtube okay so
can you see it okay yeah
what is going on dude
is that real oh my god you gotta see this guy
the man saying this song looks like
don fry fucked the kid with down syndrome
that’s america oh my goodness that’s
i want to talk to that dude about the universe
watch this coming up
standing in defense of
oh my god they threw karate kicks this
this is the most insane thing i’ve ever seen in my life
these people for the itunes folks i’m very
sorry these people wearing stars and stripes
shirts and they’re standing in front of a big stars and
stripes thing that says america
third city amanda
this is insane
this is straight insanity it’s insane i’ve
never seen anything like it
these people probably can’t wait for
this song to end so they can just go fuck each other
i bet they just
snort meth and fuck the shit out of each
other and then
they get mad
they’re so repressed
oh jesus i can’t believe i did that jesus
why why the
devil temp it was the last time
it was the last time and then they just meeting
the same thing
look at his head did he just get
brain surgeries
get each other pregnant shit
shoot loads in each other
make no retards
that’s america
this is all what we’re talking
about man this
should happen to the greeks
we have it to the
romans and happen to everybody
eventually the fucking
tribe gets watered down
to the point where there’s so many of these
fuckheads that people want to pay attention to them
and even want to
elect one of
their own to be the king of the
world you know
people like that look at the size
of that audience man there were thousands of people
last time you
had a thousand people for your fucking show
it’s been a long time
joe exactly
this is ridiculous man you need to work that church
angle shit there’s a lot of
money in that
search son you don’t even have to
write good comedy just throw some
jesus in there and hahaha
say gosh and golly
and don’t ever
swear baldwin
that shit even with
terrence mckinnon
his lectures he
could throw lobs
some softballs and
just kill man
or deepak chope or any time you listen to any of
those guys things america
you have to be a
dummy not to see the game
and if you’re all
crazy that’s america that’s america rah rah
god’s gun and government
there’s nothing
wrong with god there’s nothing
wrong with government there’s nothing
wrong with having guns but you get all
three of them together
and it creates this
weird fucking hybrid mentality
that’s america
you don’t have to
think too much
you have to think
about the fact you’re getting fucked by gangsters
yeah it’s it’s
it’s but it’s that
it’s the sappiness of it it’s like yeah
it’s not recognizing what the fuck is really going on
when everybody’s all
god guns and government
that’s all well and good if there was a real bad guy
and if it was a real situation
where we didn’t do anything wrong
but when you run
the country’s run by
gangsters when you just assume some gangster
shit is going down
dick cheney was the fucking ceo
of haliburton before he gets into office
gets into office is
basically running shit right
and all of a
sudden halburton gets
billion dollars of no
bid contracts to fix up iraq
because we just decide to drop fucking bombs on them
and he profits off of it
he has hella burton stock and
if that’s not
gangster what the fuck is nobody does anything
i would say in my act
he shot his
friend in his face and his friend apologized
that’s as gangster as you get
that’s gangster shit
that’s some al capone shit
these fucking people
started a war and made
money off it
and everybody’s like that’s america
so think about the idea of it
we got a problem
we’re gonna just what
if haliburton
first of all there’s
something like 90 billion dollars that’s missing
there’s like some insane amount of
money that’s missing
think about if
haliburton was a one person
if it was one person and they
stole 90 billion dollars
you can’t just do that
they’d be like
where’s the fucking money
but because it’s a gigantic
corporation it’s like oh what happened there’s
paperwork and who knows
we’re gonna see
if we can find it it’s probably around here somewhere
i mean that’s
that’s some fucking straight gangster shit look at
what i like is like
cause we can talk
about it like this and nothing’s probably
gonna happen to us like no one’s
gonna get us
we’ll be okay but
i like watching when someone
in russia pushes
no here when someone pokes the dragon enough
where it tries to snap like that wikileaks guy oh
yeah you know what i mean when they’re trying
to put that rape charge on him yeah the rape charge
and you watch him
he went cause i saw this awesome
lecture with him as he was just
starting to do it and
he had all this life in him and this energy and he’s
like seemed like a hero and then you cut to
four months
later he looks like a
ghost he’s tired
beat down because they’re just
applying the cia pressure
he can’t be with a girl
if he meets a girl
in the back of his head he’s
gotta think
does this girl really like me
right or is this an operative who got sin in
that’s real
shit too that’s real well they did it a rape
charge on that guy that happened to coincide with him
releasing the biggest military leak in the united
states history how hilarious is that
they’re so transparent
that’s like the most
transparent shit ever
unless he really raped somebody
he’s like nobody believe me
yeah i’m such a good guy yeah
going on no he
come on really fuck those
i don’t know that guy but also it
would be weird if he was
like a really good guy in some ways but a douchebag in
other ways well i’m sure
it’s a possibility i don’t know him that’s the problem
i think that
there’s a better chance that they’re trying to
frame it yes much better
chance didn’t he send a pdf out that was encrypted
or something something like that and if he vanishes
or something
weird happens to him then he’s sending the password out
i don’t think it
would change much
i think people
would go wow somebody killed him
oh well what’s paul abdul doing that
crazy bitch
she’s driving
drunk again
i hope people
would find some
new distraction
we don’t do anything
we don’t do anything that’s what’s so fucking
weird about ourselves well the only
way we are gonna do
everything is if we change
and the only way we are
gonna change is if the
introduction of new ideas gets to the people at the top
if the people at the very top of the food
chain that are doing the most fucked up
things in the
world we gotta get them
to have a look at this
we gotta get them to realize
you’re creating this gigantic
volcano of shit energy
and it’s not necessary you don’t have to do it this way
everybody could figure out some way to make this
thing work a lot better take this
right sit down we’re
gonna turn the lights out
that’s right keep
about an hour and 20 minutes i’m
gonna come back in and we’re
gonna have a conversation
you sound like what’s his name from i
dream a genie
what’s his name
space captain what’s that actor’s name
i have no idea what you’re talking about
the lead in i dream a genie what’s that actor’s name
someone’s gotta know that
but there’s
such poorly thought out theory
of giving them
no there’s it no there’s
that’s what he says
there’s a joy behar interview with him
where she springs
said that they should give drugs to politics yes
yes he he’s the
i don’t know
i can’t remember the name of him now he’s like he was
jr that after
i played jr
who is that
but there’s a
jr from dallas right yeah
what the fuck is his name
i can’t fucking
remember now he’s an interesting dude he’s got one of
those green houses
he’s off the grid
he’s off the grid and so joy behar
is interviewing him and it’s a nice interview and
going fine then she ambushes him like so
i hear that you took lsd
what was that like
for the quick
flash he looks at her like you fucking
bitch we were
doing a normal interview now you’re trying to corner me
and he’s like
he’s like well
it took away my fear of death
whoa yeah it was really cool
oh shit then he talked
about politicians should
have to take lsd
do you think that he
definitely knew that she was
gonna do that he seems
authentically surprised like really you know the
micro gesture
where for a
second i was like oh
really you think so
look it up i mean you can look it up
right now it’s on youtube
what is his name
larry hagman it’s
joy behar interviews
larry hagman lsd
joy behar is like taking over man she’s doing all this
crazy interviews
did you see her she walked off the set
because they had bill o’reilly on and bill o’reilly
was talking nonsense and so she walked off the set
i heard about that i didn’t see it but i
heard about that it’s pretty interesting was that with
whoopi goldberg yeah they both walked off
yeah they staged a protest
they said enough we have had enough
like they didn’t know what he was
gonna say they’d been
planning that
thing for days
you think they
didn’t know i mean
maybe they’re just too busy to pay attention
maybe there’s so much
shit going on they don’t have the time
you kind of know riley’s
gonna get on there and say something conservative
yeah he was
lobbing some softballs at george bush i was
watching him interview george bush
and one of the
things that he said i had barney
frank on and i called him
a liar and a coward
he’s bragging to george bush
that he called barney frank a
liar and a coward
yeah bush is like wow you really showed them
i killed a million
iraqis yeah
yeah a million bitch a
million i publicly
admitted to a war
crime and no one’s
gonna do it how about you
when they’re in the commercial
he just leans over bill bill but of course
i killed a million
i don’t want to hear you faggot talk
faggot talking
about you told
a gay congressman
that he’s a coward shut the fuck up you big
giant bitch
you big seven foot tall
bitch i made
rivers run with blood
rivers run with
blood you really
think okay okay
you’re good guy you’re good guy you’re good guy
that guy gives him a grab
above the knee grab
a very sexual almost
like as long as they don’t
go too high they can get away with it
but basically this is
sexual triggers
above your knee
you know a man will grab your fucking knee
that’s like
you’re close to
pulling my dick out
right there
fella what are you doing
george bush’s a knee
grabbing motherfucker i bet
he knows how to intimidate the shit out of you i bet he
grabbed his knees like we’ll have you up at the grove
soon bill no
bohemian grove you think
holy shit do you
think it’s real man
you’ll see malik
crop circles bro
crop circles
that was so
disappointing when they
came out and showed how easy it was to make this
thing yeah but they didn’t really
they did in a lot of the designs
but there’s a lot of designs that are very questionable
i would like to see how they did it because
some of them are incredibly complex they’re fractals
they’re amazingly
precise and they’re huge and they appear so quickly
i’m not inclined
to believe that all of them are done by the same people
i think it’s
very possible that some of them are done by some new
crazy technology
that we have maybe in
satellite form i mean
think about
a lot of them
appeared in
the past but they were not intricate like there’s
a thing about them from like the 1600s i believe it
might have even been
slightly earlier than that
but there’s a drawing of a devil
with a sickle making a crop circle and a lot
of the crop circle people they look at that as evidence
but there was
never anything like they see
today like they’re far more complex like the
mandelbrot set
the fractal
that’s like this infinite beautiful fractal
when they figured it out mathematically on a computer
within like weeks
someone had
drawn it in a crop circle
so it’s like
to me it’s like
oh it’s either
alien saying oh you get it or it’s some
fucking really funny
government scientists with this
crazy ability to
transform matter or
plants on the ground with this laser beam
they can make a design in the wheat
and that’s much
more likely that it’s some sort of a weapon
or not even a weapon or
maybe it was something
that was developed as they were developing weapons
and then they realized that you
could make it was such a
powerful pulsating move
you know this beam
that you can make designs in the
grass with it i mean it’s very possible
you think of all the shit they have that we didn’t know
about for the longest time like
stealth bombers and shit and who knows
the fuck they’re working on an area 51
they could have
somebody at the top of the heap
or it’s a local college and all the art students
every year have to do like
three of them per
class and it’s like this big school
secret well
those motherfuckers deserve some
money they should be coming out and bragging
about it i mean
the circle makers is a guy
the bunch of guys called the circle makers
and they’ve made a
bunch of them
they’ve shown there they’re pretty good i mean
no doubt about it
but the ones that
the other ones that people have not
this is all shit that i’ve read on the internet and
watched in documentary so i’m
not exactly sure if it’s the same
it’s true rather
but the way they describe these
stalks being bent
it’s like they have
these growth nodes
where it explodes like
almost like it’s been microwaved
like it expands out from heat and then blows up
where it bends over
and that these
exist all throughout
these patterns and
those patterns
they don’t really
exist like that during
just stomping them down with boards so
it may very well be that there’s a
bunch of different ways that people have done
these things
the one thing i thought
when i was trying
to believe in crop circles is well if there was a
super intelligent thing
sending signals through space
then maybe they’d figured out that part of
evolution is that whatever the species was
would learn to plant
crops or something
and so they’re trying to communicate through the food
source you know
stamp the food source so that
totally makes
sense i mean
you’re guaranteeing that people are
gonna see it
especially if
they can’t really see us
what if their vision and
their need for vision is so entirely different than us
that they literally can’t see us
but they know where
plants are and
they’re like not even in this dimension
and they’re communicating through some sort of a portal
and the way they
can communicate through this portal is by implanting
these designs onto what they know is
going to be food
because they know that oh
we’ve received a certain signal from this area this
indicates that it’s
plant life and
it’s grown in
large areas that seem to be uniform
which indicates
that someone is growing it on purpose
so it must be their food
so let’s just
leave designs in this food
that’s it that’s it
it could be but it also
could be some fucking
dudes with boards
but some of them are amazing though
i believe that some of them could be
some of them are for sure it’s
things like that though like if you
look at any artist doing something and you didn’t know
an artist did that like if you go out in the middle
of a pyramid and some artists worked on you
know overnight with
making this masterpiece and you just
didn’t think it
would be like anyone had access to this pyramid
and you just saw it
you’d probably
think wow how the fuck was this made you know
to me i look at a lot of
these things
and to me it looks like okay this is something like a
bunch of people
plan this shit out and they just
fucking it’s like graffiti almost
possible and there’s towns that they’re always
found in they’re like poor towns that
their only income is people
going to see these
things that’s good
stuff like that yeah like in england
pop circles that is a good
point right
yeah if you set up like roadside signs and sell
lemonade you get a fucking mint
right you’ll
clean it up yeah
that was an
issue that i had
about the whole ufo
experience too
i’m like the problem i have with believing
ufos is that people are selling books
and people are making money
and when you
start making
money and you’re an author
i was making fun of
what’s the guy’s name
that wrote communion whitley striber
he’s like the
premier guy who’s been abducted by
aliens also happens to be a fucking
brilliant fiction writer
you know he
wrote wolfin
he wrote that werewolf
movie wolfin
which is god one of the fucking coolest werewolf
movies ever
they weren’t really werewolves they were just
super intelligent wolves
and who was the fucking main star in that movie
i haven’t seen that god
damn that movies a good
movie i’m buying that shit on itunes
today bitch
to the wolf
and they better have that i bet they don’t man
you know itunes is just getting the beatles like now
fucking man that’s so old i remember that
thing what is
the guy’s name who is the main star that came out
right around when the howling came out didn’t it
it was even a little like a werewolf wave
dude that’s my shit
that’s another
fucking subject
would beat to
death on this
you talk about the howling
on this book
no we’re obsessed by
werewolves bro
oh werewolves
asked by werewolves no they don’t have it of course not
you fucking clowns
have you been
checking amazon lately i’ve noticed
every time i buy a cd now i just go to amazon
first because
it’s like itunes there was something
the other day
white buffalo
which is a local la guy that’s really good
i went on itunes it was like
12 99 then went on amazon
it was 8 99
albert finney
thing tooth
oh this is dvd two thousand two that’s not when the
movie came out
bitch that’s when the dvd was released
the wolf and whitley
striver paperback
wow that you
still buy a vhs
incredible i wonder when the
movie came out though
i know the dvd came out i own
nineteen eighty one bro i was a
freshman in high
school this
movie was the shit
two day one
click please
give me that shit
i need to watch that movie
dude have you seen the
mandal bulb have you seen the 3d
i have that shit’s
crazy man the fractal
yeah fractals are insane the idea behind fractals is
i mean that’s really probably the fact
of the universe the fabric of
everything is that it is infinitely
small and infinitely
large and it goes at no end
to just keep going and going and going
and it never stops there’s never a
smallest point ever
i don’t think we can wrap our heads around that
we think that well there should be
you know and you know everything gets
smaller and smaller well there has to be some infinite
small point no no
no it just it’s almost like a line
of code like just goes into another line like it is
that’s how we’re connected
like dimension to dimension it just gets infinitely
small and expands out again
that’s intense yeah
you wanna hear intense there’s a big controversy
right now because
obama’s book
obama has a kids book
and in this kids book
he fucking talks about how
great sitting bull is
sitting bull is
he says a medicine man
who healed broken
hearts and broken promises
it’s a it is fine
that we are different
the book whose
royalties go to
helping the children fallen or disabled service members
also says that the lakota chief
spoke out and led his people
against many
policies of the united
states government
he is most famous for his
stunning victory in 1876
over lieutenant
colonel george armstrong cuts custer
in the battle of little bighorn
so basically he’s got a fucking
he’s the president of a nation
and he’s praising a guy taking a side
on you know
a native american
that killed a
bunch of american citizens
like what is that all
about that’s a
weird choice
because i understand that you
think that war is bad and i
understand that you
think that imperialism and
everything that got us here and created
earth or created
america rather
earth it’s your focal
the rest in
front of you
i understand that you
would think that that’s you know
that it’s a wrong
thing that happened it’s terrible that happened but
you know what a
weird choice
to you know obviously
that we won
and that’s what
happened and that’s why people are here and that’s
where the cities
so you’re a part of this that won so
i guess what you’re saying is we won in a terrible way
and we took over the indians in a terrible way
and thank goodness that they got some licks in
and let’s give them props
you know you
just kicked our ass a little
bit and like
bring them back into the fold and say like okay
well this is a man that had a lot of
value to his people
and our people
weren’t exactly
fucked up but let’s put bygones pick them
up bygones and let’s talk
about what a badass this dude was i mean they had like
bows and arrows and they were
fresh new divorces you know what i mean
like they don’t have
horses for like a hundred years or so
and they they kicked ass on custard with his guns
you know i mean they had some guns back then too but
you know they they fucking
trapped the american
citizens they fucking
suck them into a trap
well i can see out like a
black president
would be pretty cool
with somebody who but it’s an interesting choice right
well i get it though because it’s
like i mean it wasn’t that long ago that the united
states government was
enslaving his ancestors
so it totally makes
sense that you idolize it
but they don’t ever say that you know i’m saying
he never comes out
fully expresses himself he
never comes out and says this is what’s important to me
about this i
understand that this man killed american
citizens and i
understand that
if it wasn’t for
battles like this we would
still have problems with indians attacking us and we
could never have the same life that we have now
somebody had to pave the way supposedly to do this
i understand that he
would say that but
you’ve gotta in my opinion at
least you’ve
gotta kinda explain
where your head’s at with all this
you can’t just show
tweedom he’s following you
yeah but you can’t just say
that he was
most famous for his
stunning victory in 1876
what you gotta say is
we have to get past all this
stuff and recognize that even though
america was evil
or we did something that we shouldn’t have done
or you know we took over
their land and fucked them over and
let’s all let that shit go
okay it’s not me and it’s not you
it’s our ancestors
we have learned from this and we are
stronger because of this
but what people don’t like to hear is lakota
you know that name lakota
yeah that’s what they call themselves
but you know what the indians
call them sioux
cause sue means enemy
cause the lakotas
would just run around jacking folks
okay that’s what they did
indians did the same
thing that we did they just did it on a shitty smaller
scale the sun ritual you know the sun rich what’s
it called what’s
that called it’s not the sun it’s called
what the fuck is that called they put hooks in the
chest yeah from was that movie um
the fucking
what is his name
god sundance it’s called the
sun like the sundance festivals
named after it was
called is it really yeah the sundance and what it is
is when you
go think a man called horse
yeah man called
horse and it was an
initiatory phase
where they would hang themselves
from trees or from something with hooks through
their chests and just hang there with
their skin kind
of being pulled out yeah what was the reason for that
i think it was an
initiation thing i
guess i have no idea i assume it’s
i think there’s something to that i
think there’s something to
initiations i
think there’s something to
grand events like this hodge like
the pilgrimage to mecca i
think there is something to that man
and i think that
might be one of the
reasons why people are fucked up is we don’t have very
clearly defined moments
where you have
to get your shit together you are a man now this is it
move on bam you hit the next
stage let’s acknowledge the fact altogether that we are
evolving together we have reached this new plateau
father have gone to the mountain
you got to do some shit
put your hands in the
gloves with the hands in the
gloves with the bullet
ants and get fucked up
you know get past your pain figure something
i think that’s what i said
earlier man
about the greeks and the
romans i think people get soft as fuck
that’s what’s happening
you dirty dirty bitches
richard harris a man called
horse let me see
while i one
click that shit son
love amazon one
click for movies
it’s the most addictive
thing of all time
i had a professor was really into the lakota
and i asked fascinating i
asked him if he’d have you ever done a sun dance
and he was like
that is an inappropriate question oh what a
bitch fuck you i know information’s inappropriate
maybe you shouldn’t be a fucking
professor do that yeah it was
really kind of
shocking to me that you can’t tell
me if you done that or like i’m supposed to know the
etiquette of the lakota
what forgive me
that i never
learned that you’re
not supposed to ask someone if they did a sundance
what is that you’re not supposed to ask that it
no he said that’s an inappropriate that’s educational
dramas that
what’s that that’s educational
drama that’s
drama you know what it was he didn’t have the
stones for it he didn’t want to admit it
that’s what it is yes
he knows that’s
some that’s
a little extra
shit yeah well
maybe he wants you to
think that he did it
maybe he’s like one of
those dudes that
pretends he’s a
black belt and really he’s only
taken karate
a couple of times
my hands are
registered lethal weapons
you know it
might have been one of
those things
right you just didn’t want to let you know
that no of course i didn’t do that that’s for psychos
he wanted to let you
think maybe this indian kind of
psycho it made me feel like a fucking
asshole though man i was like oh why did i ask him
about it cause he’s a douchebag
he’s a douchebag period if he didn’t recognize that
if he honestly got offended
about something that you were
completely and
utterly ignorant about
that means that obviously
he’s a dummy
is it either a
dummy or a douchebag
you take your pick
you know you can’t recognize it people don’t recognize
that this is a nutty
thing to talk about
you know it’s
we don’t recognize that it’s something
sacred to you
fucking hooks
through your nipples you get suspended through the air
i can’t ask you that because it’s kind of silly
all right inappropriate
inappropriate question
why did you ask why
no i didn’t feel like shit
that guy should be fired put your
clothes back on and left didn’t you duncan there
should be someone next to him going all right dude
chill the fuck out
don’t talk like that that’s dumb
you can go back to teaching in
class but we have to let you know
this is real life rules
the idea is you
should be able to ask a professor anything sure
especially i smoked weed with one of my professors
now did you realize i’m right before
class and he even had like
the fucking
spray stuff that
so you won’t smell like weed
that’s smart
smart professor you took a chance with you son
there was a
professor at my college who was an anthropologist
that studied
psychedelic mushrooms whoa
and he was a
fulbright scholar and he said that
missionaries came to i can’t remember
where it was
maybe it was
south america but the mexico
they came to this
place in mexico with all these
bibles that were
translated into
that were translated
into their language
and no one would
touch the bibles everyone was
avoiding the
bibles and they wouldn’t
touch the bibles and
the missionaries were like why aren’t they
touching these
bibles the reason is is because they had
translated the
bible into the word of god
which translated which was
these people’s
name for mushrooms the word of god
was what they called mushrooms in
their language it
translated into
word of god and so
the reason they didn’t want to
touch the bibles
is because if they
ate mushrooms they
couldn’t have sex for like five days before and you
weren’t supposed to eat meat and there was a
purification process and they were looking at the
bible saying oh no we can’t do that
because it means
we have to like we
haven’t gone through the steps that
we do when we eat mushrooms so no sex for five days
i don’t remember at the specifics of it
but there was a purification
they had to
undergo before they tripped out
dude i think
there’s a place in this
world for ritual
there’s something that
we get some sort of comfort
from ritual
even if it’s just a ritual of
going to disneyland every year
there’s something comforting
about it when i was a kid i used to
think that you
know holidays
and shit were fucked holidays who gives a fuck
about christmas
but it was really mostly because my
childhood was
kinda disappointing
you know it wasn’t
cause there’s
something wrong with rituals like it was rebelling
against something that wasn’t fun for me
you know not a
non fun environment growing up
but i think
for most people
significations like that
where this is you are a man now and
you have reached
a point of wisdom
where especially when they would
actually have to work for it
like say what you want about
someone reaching
go into confirmation
classes to get confirmed as
a christian
or a catholic rather or
what you have to do to
be a man in the jewish religion and read the talmud and
all the shit that ari had to go through
that stuff makes them work
it makes them work toward something
and it makes them at least
believe that at the end of the goal
they have created something there’s
something different now they’ve accomplished something
they’ve passed into the next thing
there’s probably room for that that
might be why we’re all fucking lost
you know we don’t have
these like moments of
things happening so
unless you do something difficult
and then learn from it
like you don’t get any growth
you know you just get stagnant like
we’re designed shitty
well and also what
about that there’s like an odd
thing where you’re
not allowed to design new rituals if you’re gonna go
by a ritual you have to go by
the catholic ritual or
but why can’t you come up
with a new ritual why can’t you come up with some new
dangerous because
the the reason why people want to lead people always
is because they want
money and pussy
all right that’s what
it is that’s
the conqueror’s
ethic that’s
really what they’re looking for conqueror’s
ethic yeah so you see like
waco what happens
in waco dudes playing guitar fucking everyone’s wife
and he’s got guns everywhere
that’s what
happens that’s the reality of beginning religion
it’s most of the time
the people that want true enlightenment don’t
wanna lead they just wanna find
it all they
wanna be comfortable
happy they want everybody to be but they don’t
wanna be the man
yeah once you
wanna be the man and you’re fucking singing songs and
you’re sitting around the campfire talking
about how we can create our own
world shit man
you’re thinking
about pussy and
money that’s what you’re doing dude
and it just confuses the fucking message
right that’s the fucking
that’s a confusing
thing i read this essay by
fuck what’s his name
aleister crowley
and he was talking
about the grail and he’s like
the paradox of the grail
which is like
the thing that gives you
eternal life but what he was talking
about enlightenment is that
the moment you get it
you can never
enjoy it you you can’t want it you can’t right
the wanting of the
thing pushes it away
right it only and
by the time you do receive
all the material benefits that it gives you it
doesn’t matter to you anymore
anyway don’t you feel like that’s the same
thing with comedy
yeah i think that
as if you’re looking for comedy if you’re trying to
get someone to
laugh it’s a
weird paradox
where it’s not
about the trying it’s
about just a tuning in
and letting it all happen
it’s the same with everything
like that is that’s the way to do life right
that’s the way to do life outside the ego
that’s the thing man
everything as far as comedy goes
everything for me
fucks up when i
start caring
about it in the
wrong way yeah
thinking about it
under the wrong eyes like trying to impress people
trying to you know make something it’s you know
not just just
dishonest dishonest
is the best word
you have something forcing it not in tune
it’s not real
and there’s
comics there’s like certain
comic that a friend of mine just worked with recently
i don’t want to mention any names
a buddy of mine
he middleed for this guy
and the guy just
ate shit every
night and he
was saying how embarrassing it was this guy
is just his act just
wasn’t connecting it was like it felt artificial
you know and that’s what happens to some guys they lose
their connection
with whatever it is that
allows you to create creative
things in the
first place and then all of a
sudden it becomes
something fake and something that
you don’t know what it is and you’re
using it because it’s worked before
but it’s just like
you know it’s
it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore
cause you lost the fucking
trail yeah there’s a
trail of the
ants in the spot yeah yeah
you’re in that fucking spiral and you can’t get out
and you can i mean you can do that your
whole life if you don’t get slapped back in so
how do you slap someone back in you can’t
right they have to slap themselves in
no i think you
can slap somebody back in but you’ve got to be
you they have to really respect
you and they have to want us change too yeah
but it definitely can be
done and there’s different versions of it but it’s like
i mean that’s what
ideally what a friend does
it seems to me that it’s all a mathematical pattern
it seems to me that from the time the
greeks were around to the
romans and it goes through
the egyptians and the mayans and
every civilization does this
every civilization gets to a
point where people are just soft and fucking
stupid and shit hits the fan
yeah that’s it
then it starts
again and then we
leave the rotting
husks of the society
left behind us as we
start a new one somewhere else
what a great way to end the podcast
ladies and gentlemen
this is by the way folks this is all
nonsense and we are in no way scholars
duncan’s more educated than i
i yeah i only
spent three years at
umass boston
and only because i didn’t want people
thinking that i was a loser
and barely paid attention and
was getting ds in my last year when i decided to stop
going i was literally
completely bored
had no idea
what i was doing with my life all i was doing was like
doing martial
arts tournaments and i was doing this so that i
could answer to people and tell them oh i’m
going to umass
but you’ve read a lot i mean the whole
thing i mean
if you’re reading a lot that’s
the shit that i was reading when i was in
college is nothing like the shit that i’m reading now
it’s much more complex and
interesting now but that shit’s more available you know
ladies and gentlemen
thank you for
tuning in duncan
trussell t r u
s s e l l at
twitter bitch is
thank you to the podcast
to the fleshlight rather for
sponsoring the podcast
you can go to
fleshlight com
or you can go to joerogane
net which is my website and
you can get like 15
off so you can be fucking
this shit coupon
code rogan yeah there’s a coupon code it’s rogan
says it on the thing
and then also
i’m in ann arbor michigan this
friday night
two shows the 10 30 shows already sold out
8 30 shows almost sold out so if you one of
those people
right now that i was
thinking about going
you gotta dive on that shit can i slug
a show yeah
absolutely i’m in denver
this weekend at the
denver comedy works
check it out
denver comedy works one of the best fucking
clubs in the country and one of the reasons why i
moved to colorado
cause i knew that club was there
they have a real comedy community there
it’s one of the reasons why i decided to move there
but then some mountain lions and
babies got in my way oh
well all good things man
except the dog didn’t eat oh i’m
sorry i don’t mean to keep i’m sorry
i have a show at the hollywood forever
cemetery tomorrow
please go to that comedy is dead
info forever
cemetery yeah
these are amazing
these comedy
shows in a cemetery
shows in a cemetery
explain to me what the fuck that is it’s in a masonic
lodge in a cemetery
what there’s
a pentagram hanging from the ceiling there’s masonic
it’s huge you’re always on the road when you doing it
again tomorrow can i do it yeah
done tomorrow
night sun sun
tomorrow night sun
where’s it at
it’s at the hollywood forever cemetery
badass go to
comedy’s dead info it’s all the informations
right there beautiful duncan trussell
one of my favorite people on the planet
thank you very
much doing the podcast you’re a fascinating
motherfucker and you’re always interested thanks
one of my all time favorite podcast guests
holla at your boy
brian redband
on twitter redba
check out my new
iced tea video that
iced tea actually retweeted
really and it makes fun of his wife
and i can’t believe he actually retweeted it
did he really yeah
iced tea must have a good
sense of humor he does he’s like
he’s like i’ll call it
that’s hilarious
dude i hope he doesn’t
smack you he doesn’t pimp slap you when he sees you
she might she might pimp slap you it’s called baby bowl
youtube it she’s got a big ol ass huh
yes what so is this model we did for the
commercial oh yeah i saw the freddie lockhart
yeah it was within the model maya
so that’s it
folks ann arbor comedy showcase with tom segura
this friday night
and then of course is ufc
in detroit holla
i’m looking forward to seeing detroit i feel like i’m
going to rome
feel like i’m going to the fucking
apocalypse i feel like i’m going
going to the land of 33
unemployment rate
fucking houses there you know they have bear problems
right now in detroit
yeah i heard
about that bears
are moving back into the city bro that’s
that’s how abandoned shit is getting
as our society
moves towards
2012 thank you very much for tuning in
love you bitches
and we’re probably
gonna do another one this week we go away on
thursday but i
might do one tomorrow
holla at your
boys see you later
love you bitches
cause i love my face
i ain’t trying to get it cause i broke my back
thinking like clapping with a tool
stop i’m about to get real
i’m doing it right i’m a chicken nigga breaking
i’m doing i’m doing this right
go to girltalk com to download this or just google
search girl talk all day for this music