The Joe Rogan Experience #15 - Brian Redban

start the recording start the broadcast

what the fuck ladies and gentlemen

see it doesn’t show that it started but i know it has

i know you gotta like refresh it and shit

usually takes a couple seconds it’s bullshit son

ladies and gentlemen

that’s me there you go

every time we do this

i could have sworn i muted it this time

you know when you do it by yourself you don’t do it

you catch yourself

yeah maybe i’m

distracted you do not know no no no

don’t make me make fun of you

you stop alright let me change it

this motherfucker and his goddamn ipad

fucking love it man listen

ladies and gentlemen it’s a little gay but

if it’s good enough for the romans

it’s good enough for the greeks

look at you

got an ipad even though i said i wasn’t gonna get one

i take for you to get one

walk by so you guys got in them bitches

say i said yes and i said okay let’s go

first day yeah

it’s kind of interesting

you know what i am interested in is

what’s gonna happen with these

things like what are these things eventually

gonna eventually these things are

gonna be able to like control your house and shit

you know you could already do that and

if the dragon naturally

speaking is

any good on this do you know if it is it’s alright

it’s good if you have

a headphone

microphone thing

plugged in to it i

tried to do it like in a loud room in it

well i gotta

write a book now and

i just signed the deal

so it’s fucking

official i’m in the middle of writing this

thing and i’m

thinking god damn it takes a long time to

write shit it

might be easier to just talk it out

but i don’t think this

stuff is any good now some

people told me that

voice recognition software is really good on pcs

but not quite there on the mac yet

have you heard anything i’ve never

heard that because like one of the best ones on the pc

is dragon naturally

speaking so

right it’s the same

technology is the same

everything’s the same so there

shouldn’t be a difference but it’s not the same version

because it’s a unix based for

you know the mac operating

system right it’s totally different so

it’s like a different version

it’s the same programming language

i mean it’s like a

xbox and a ps3

i mean it’s the same tech

the programming is the

same it’s just two different ways to play is that true

ladies and gentlemen do

any of you wizards out there know whether or not he’s

speaking the

truth cause

i believe brian

but i also believe that

brian did not know the answer well

i barely use dragon so i could be

wrong i’m not a huge dragon nerd but

to me it makes

sense that if a company makes a kind of software

it would be the same on pc and mac it

might have to get there

a different way but the actual

brains of the software would be the same

the same program yeah

there’s something

about actually writing

things too that’s better than

speaking it and writing it

because like when i write something if i

write a blog i don’t type that fast

so if i’m writing something each word that i’m thinking

about i’m like really

dwelling on it and the

other words that come after it

you know that’s why one of the

things people are always really impressed

about is the ability to speak

without stammering

and have something to say i mean that’s the reason why

obama got elected really is because

not just because he’s black

but because he’s

black and he’s this really good

speaker you know he’s really good at talking and

there is an art form to that it’s a management of your

ability to recognize like what you’re

gonna say next and the inflection you’re

gonna use and

preparation and all that shit it’s it’s it’s

there’s an art to it

but you know

it’s more interesting usually when i read

things that people

wrote and they actually

wrote it they sat down and they really thought

about how this is

gonna be absorbed

you know there’s a

craft there’s a

craft of both

but there’s a real

craft to writing

you know actual writing itself i really

appreciate when i read good writers

don’t you yeah

you know i don’t read that much

but the few books that i choose i pick out certain

things i wanna read

cause i read all day on the internet

so when it comes to a book i’m like all

right i’ve read so much

today i don’t need to read anymore you know

type things so

i’ve actually been reading less books ever

since the internet’s kind of

grabbed me i’ve noticed

yeah yeah definitely

yeah the last good book i read was a book called

early bird highly recommended though it was

about a guy that used to

write for i

think letterman

and he retired this is real a real guy

and he retired

and he went to florida and lived

in a retirement home

and he just

documented his life inside a retirement home

being retired at the age of 35

it was one of the funniest books

and it’s weird how

the retirement village is like high school

you know there’s like the popular old people

and they have like

their clicks and

stuff like that and it’s so

weird you kind of go back to that old

school thing

that’s hilarious

early bird yeah people are

like that man they’re like that no matter what they’re

like that if they’re 80 they’re like that if they’re

180 you know

we’re monkeys man

we have a whole

bunch of instincts that we follow

that really are directly

attributable to our time in the jungle you know

i mean that’s what i’ve said

about human beings that

there’s something fucked up

about us where

you’re distracting the shit out of me with that

thing son not be fucking

browsing online in

time i was actually

seeing if we

could get our live show on the ipad

doing it live

watching you fucking

no don’t sit behind me because i can’t talk to you i

gotta turn like this

my neck hurts from jiu jitsu

hey you fuck

you got me forgetting what we were talking about

yeah me too

god damn it

fucking stoners

we were talking

about talking and writing and

the last guy

who got me into writing or reading and writing really

but i read the

great shark hunt the hunters

thompson book

it’s kind of a compilation book of all of his

his stories

fuck that dude

could write

that dude had some really interesting writing i got you

excited to read more about it

you know and it’s kind of like this weird

blend of fiction and non fiction

that’s one of the

things that was so cool

about hunters writing

is like this guy was just crazy

making all kinds of

crazy shit up

about like las vegas and

campaigns and dudes being on drugs

you know when

ed musky was running for president

hunter thompson

started printing in rolling

stone magazine every week

that it was like widely

known that this guy had an

ebooking addiction

and that he was

bringing in

brazilian doctors like nobody ever done that before

nobody ever done like real serious

coverage of like a political event

and just started

adding nutty shit to it that totally wasn’t real so

literally this guy

changed the fucking course the election

because that guy was like one of the favorites

and because hunters writing

about him having an ebogaine

addiction which is this

crazy exotic drug from africa

you know hunter

wrote this whole

thing about it

and this guy

literally fell

apart on the campaign

trail people were heckling him

and he was doing

these campaign

speeches and just crumpled

just because some

crazy shit that this guy wrote

and when they

asked him about it

and he goes

well you made up that

stuff about

ed muskie having

an ibigadan he goes wow i didn’t make it up

i didn’t print i said it was a rumor

he goes and

it was a rumor and i

started in milwaukee

it’s crazy you just

but he got away

with it and he was just constantly on acid

who’s constantly doing mescaline

who’s constantly doing cocaine

i mean he was constantly getting fucked up and writing

like super uber fucked up

is there a book or a

movie that you

would recommend

about all this yeah well i didn’t even get into him

until i watched the documentary gonzo

gonzo you know i’d like the

movie fear and

loathing in las

vegas and i’d

seen him on talk

shows before and i always knew that he was this kind of

crazy guy you know

older dude was really nutty like to

shoot guns and

you know looked like you know

your friend’s dad but he was fucking

completely psychotic

you know it’s just this guy left over from the sixties

that somehow another

morphed this like a

super violent

fucking drug addled

compound junkie

that’s what he used to call himself you know

i just added it to my netflix

q on my ipad joe good job

good job see that

it’s very good documentary

but it’s a really

well made too so it really gets you into

how fucking

interesting this guy was

and it brings me back to the same

thing that i always

think of man oh my god

when you’re really that good he’s so good

i always wonder how fucking

crazy you have to be to be really good

you know like

in almost everything like in michael jackson

and fucking

sports anybody like

tiger woods you know look how

crazy he is

i almost think that you have to be a certain

there’s to be a certain amount of imbalance to

you to be really the best at anything to be excellent

yeah well that’s why you’re considered the best usually

not in the same

road as everybody else you’re on the side street

you know you’re a little different than everyone else

so that’s most

successful people are not just like a common person

in everything they do not just that but what

i’m saying is that the commitment that’s involved in

order to get to the highest

levels of anything

right like you almost have to be

completely nuts

in order to hit

those rpms right

you know it’s like

with so many things

especially when it comes to the working

world when it comes to like the artistic world

i could see

you know an argument for there’s no

there’s never too much there’s

never too much art that you can

produce because you’re just producing positive energy

but people that

get addicted to

success in the business

world and try to be

the number one guy in the business world

i mean that’s

one of the main reasons why we have all

these problems

today with corporations

how corporations are sort of

these consciousness

entities you know i mean now corporations

basically are allowed to

they’re judged as an individual

you know corporations are a

thing like they have

rights and shit

like they can

contribute to campaigns now as much as they want

they can do all kinds of

crazy shit you know as

a corporation and get away with it because they don’t

think of it as them as an

individual doing it

they think of it as well

you know it’s all business and we’re part of business

like they can do fucked up

things in overseas

countries you know

third world

countries and and they don’t even

think that they’re doing anything bad

because what they’re

doing is they’re just doing business and there’s just a

bunch of people involved doing it

so no one person feels like

total responsibility for what’s happening

you know and that’s like a real problem that we have

and i think one of the real problems that we have

is related to people just being

super competitive

you know that’s the only reason why

these fucking

super crazy billionaire dudes

would keep pushing forward

you know at a certain

point time how much fucking

money do you have to have

you know when you’re one of

those dudes and has like thirty

forty billion dollars and you’re still

trying to rape

third world

countries like what the fuck is

going on like how much

money do you need

bitch that’s a lot of goddamn money

what is that why why

would they not

be able to recognize that there’s something

wrong there

well then they’re

crazy that’s what it is

to get at the highest

levels of anything

whether it’s golf or

whether it’s fucking you know whatever the fuck it is

to get at the highest

levels of anything you got to be a little nutty man

whether it’s sports

whether it’s

singing you know whether

performing writing

you know i think you know to really achieve

those those

those crazy

great highs

like you almost have to like lose your

connection to everybody else or lose control of your

connection right you know

yeah it’s weird because that’s our high

watermark you know

and we’re always aspiring towards

higher and higher

levels of performance and

everything we do whether it’s

you know athletic or anything you do

you’re always trying to do better than you did before

now i mean that’s like a

human ethic

that we had

and it’s very strange man

because there’s

never a point in time

where we ever step back and go

you know hey this is good we’re good right here

let’s just concentrate all our time

right now instead of

making more money

let’s try to

concentrate all our time and trying to make

things better for each other

you know let’s

try to concentrate our time in

dealing with all

these problems that

exist all over the

world instead of trying to

you know fucking

smash atoms and create

black holes let’s let’s settle down

you know and

let’s concentrate on some

other shit we look at the surplus of

money that we have

but they don’t ever

think like that

all they think of is more and more and

more and more and more and more and more like they’re

gonna live forever

and those motherfuckers drop a

heart attacks left and right

those like ceos of big corporation type dudes

those motherfuckers die like crazy

they die all the time

those guys are

you know like dick

cheney’s had a hundred and

fifty fucking

heart attacks

and one of the

reasons is is because he’s just such an evil cunt

you know if you’re that fucking evil

you know you’re

gonna have some goddamn

heart attacks you’re doing some

wicked shit you’re creating so much bad energy

and you’re pushing constantly constantly constantly

yeah you know

what kind of

balls do you have to have to be the fucking ceo

of a corporation like haliburton

and then go from that to being the

vice president of the united states

and then go from that to signing

billion dollar

agreements with haliburton

where billions

literally billions of dollars

were lost like they don’t know

where it went billions in corruption

they have no idea where

like all kinds of money went

and the fact that that

motherfucker profited on it

he had shares in haliburton

while he was the fucking president

i mean he got

money from them

while he was the president

or vice president with

me really was the president

really he was the fucking marinette supposedly

remember the days

where he was always in the bunker

remember they

would like always like they

would always talk

about dick cheney being in the bunker

right where is this bunker

right is this some batman type shit

you know what does he have

what is the dick

cheney bunker it’s just probably like a golf club

it’s another nickname for a golf club

he’s at the bunker

and said the whorehouse

dudes banging dudes

you know that was the big

secret of the fucking

the the whole bush

white house was there was a lot of gay shit going on

a lot of gay shit

that guy jeff

gannon has a reporter

for um the white

house he was a

white house embedded reporter

and he would love these

super softball questions at president bush like

mr bush president bush when

or mr president when are the democrats just

gonna come to reality

when are they

gonna come to their

senses do you

think that’s ever

gonna happen

he would say shit like that

and other reporters like who is this


and so the other reporter

started investigating this dude and they

found out that he had a fucking gay porn website

with him him with like

you know like a fucking bare

chested like a

towel over his cock and shit like

super gay with dog tags on

and it was gay porn

geared towards

guys with military fetishes

no way yes what have you

heard about the

it’s like the tickle guy

have you heard

about that guy in the news recently that

they had tickle parties

he worked all same

thing like he

worked for the government somehow or like the

dude does anyone know what i’m talking

about the tickle guy

they had like ticklers that

would come over and they

would all have tickle parties

well how about that fucking woman

who was the

madam how about that

woman who was the madam

for that big fucking

brothel in washington dc

and this chick claims

she’s got the fucking ins on everybody in washington

all these senators that use to service all

these different people

and then she commits suicide

and she even said she looked at her interviews like

if i commit suicide

they did this to me i am not

going to kill myself

i’m happy i want to live

fucking gone and the

whole case gone

dust in the wind

dust in the wind what about

jesse james

did you see

his girlfriend

oh my goodness

and that’s what happens man people get fucking

wacky about

jesse james or

tiger woods or whatever the fuck it is

this week in the news

and while that’s going on

crime just left and

right they’re just stealing

stealing money and

fucking bitches and

killing bitches who tell they’re

gonna fuck bitches

it’s the congressman eric massa

that had to tickle parties oh


democrat senator

democrats senator

was on the daily show he was on a

daily show talking

about it no i

think they had it on the

daily show that’s

where they talked

about that tickle

story new york times

there we go somebody twittered it look

on the tweets

i know is that the

tweets or the chat

thing this is on twitter

right now people responding to

you on twitter so if you go to joe’s website joe rogan

net click on webcams

you can see the chat we’re talking

about yeah yeah or you can go to my you

stream page you can see the

whole chat on the you

stream page

what the hell is joe

going on about

bitch you can’t just tune in halfway in the middle

we’re talking about

shit the way the

human mind works man that there’s an error

in the way the

human mind works

and that’s the reason why people are doing all this

crazy shit like

trying to conquer the world and

you know and billionaires are fucking

torturing these

third world

countries and

crushing their resources and

doing it all for money

the reason why

is there’s an

error in the human mind

and there’s an error that

causes us to never

have perspective

we’re always

moving in a direction but we don’t have a perspective

like nobody ever stops

and very very few people stop and realize at a certain

point in time like

i would rather

live an easy

going really

peaceful life

make less money

and have less bullshit and less

drama in my life and

you know and just be

happy all the time then be this like super

ambitious you know

gotta go get it typical american

you know and that

that’s a problem man

that fucking typical

american attitude is bullshit because we’re gonna die

we’re fucking

dying all of us

there’s just

this this is totally temporary

so like the the

right thing to do is to try to balance

it all out and have the most amount of fun possible

and the most amount of positive time the most

amount of positive energy during the time that you have

but then there’s the keeping up with the

jones thing this

trick that gets us

thinking that somehow another like bigger

houses or bigger cars or bigger bullshit

is gonna make you

happy so that

most miserable fucks that i’ve ever met in my life

were rich and

famous okay

some of the most miserable fucking

human beings i’ve ever met

rich and famous and living

in a torturous existence

you know like we were talking

about our friend on

the way over here he’s got the the the female problem

you know this

this guy is a very

successful guy he’s like been on television

he’s you know

he’s a guy that people

enjoy they go to see him

his life is terminal

it’s fucking

chaos and it’s just

it’s so it’s a few steps before murder suicide

right it is it’s

right there it’s

knocking on murder suicides door yeah

you know if you got that

phone call in the middle of the

night you wouldn’t be that surprised people

like god damn it

damn should have

done something else yeah but this is nothing you can do

that’s the cold hard fact there’s nothing you can do

at the end of the day

these motherfuckers have to go home

it’s like you have to figure

out what is it that we’re really doing here what is it

and because there’s so fucking many of us

i think that

human beings have lost this

sense of community i

think human beings are programmed

to be in tribes

we’re programmed to be in

tribes of like 50 to 200 people

or maybe more but enough so that you know everybody

and you know when we live

alone we’re fucking miserable like

that’s why we don’t

trust hermits we don’t

trust people that go off into the woods by themselves

look at this

sketchy motherfucker he wants to be by himself

you know we don’t

trust that shit

because that’s not how you’re supposed to be

we’re not program for that we’re programmed to be in

small groups of people

so that we work together and we protect each

other and we support each other

but we’re living in a

group that’s way too big

we’re tricked into believing that we’re a part of some

three hundred million

strong group

you know that’s why like wars work you

know the reason why wars work is because we feel like

well yeah we

gotta defend

ourselves and we all know we have this sort of sense of

loyalty defend ourselves

but at a certain

point it’s like

against what hold on a

second was we

are three hundred million fucking people

and we’re defending ourselves

against what

three hundred million

other people

from somewhere else that we don’t even know

what is going on why are they really

after us like what’s happening

well i’m getting this from you

and i’m connected to you somehow

who the fuck are you and why

these people mad at you

why are these fucking people in this

other country mad at you

why do they

wanna come over

here and kill me because some shit you did

what the fuck are we doing

until you know

what we’re doing overseas

you can’t support it

you can’t be involved

you know there’s a

video that was released that you

haven’t seen yet

that it was on wikileaks

where it shows this apache

helicopter shooting

these hellfire missiles into

these people

and they weren’t soldiers they were mistaken

as soldiers and i don’t know the

us did it i watched it

the us did it yeah

yeah the 2007

covered it up

and then wikileaks got a hold of it someone

in the armed forces

apparently was a

whistleblower and just thought that this was a horrible

situation and needed to be corrected

and these guys were like you know

look i mean if they thought they were insurgents

i could see

how they developed

this antagonistic attitude towards the

enemy because this guy’s

wounded they shot him up

his one guy survives

like just pick up a weapon just pick up a weapon

like he’s asking him to just

pick up a weapon so he can ice up

he’s got these

dirty and they look

they’re the bad guy

and this guy is out

there and he’s in the shit and he’s trying to survive

i mean that’s the attitude you have to have

if you don’t have that attitude and you’re in war

you’re gonna get killed

but what it

shows you is like what the fuck are we doing there

like what what is what are we doing

that our american

friends our people who live over here in this country

are subject to

becoming that guy

or subject to being put in a situation

where they are

shooting at

civilians accidentally and

thinking they’re insurgents they have to live with

these fucking memories

because someone told us

that we’re supposed

to be over there for some fucking strange reason

some fake weapons of mass destruction and now some

fucking democracy

building project

you’re surprised though an 18 year old made a

bad decision i

was an 18 year old

pilots i know but half

those people are so

young that it’s retarded

i didn’t get

smart and i mean

smart with like a z

until like 25

25 27 i would probably say i

started actually

doing making better decisions not fucking

doing crazy shit

no listen no doubt

about it i was retarded

when i was 18 and if i was 18 and i was in war i

would be doing the

exact same shit

i was hyper aggressive

extra violent

and ready to

ready to do

stupid shit

right you know

when you’re an 18 year old man and you are around a

bunch of people

who tell you you are supposed to be doing

stupid shit

you’re supposed

to be violent you’re supposed to be attacking

you’re supposed to be a killer

i mean man you

could program the shit out of us man

if you’re a fucking

angry 18 year old kid you know who has

a need to belong

to something

and this need to belong takes you to another country

and all of a

sudden you’re in afghanistan you’re

fighting for america you feel like

you’re representing some real shit

and then someone’s fucking telling you

you know this guy’s telling you you’re a goddamn killer

you know i’m fucking

proud of you

boys you go out there and go get it you know

like total full

metal jacket

style you know

look man any of us

could have been sucked into that i

could have got sucked into

it you could have got sucked into it

we all could have

but the idea that they’re over there protecting us

man we have to sit down

and fucking talk this through like what are you talking

about you know they’re protecting us

like they’re protecting our freedoms

look if they really were protecting our freedoms what a

noble thing

if there really

was some evil empire out there like like

the the nazis

that were trying

to fucking take out americans there was

millions of them and they’re

storming the beaches and taking over countries

that’s not what’s happening

okay there’s a

bunch of fucking dudes living in caves

and we don’t even have to fucking go in with

what we’re doing now that’s most

successful is

these fucking drones

these these

aircraft they’re

shooting around

total straight

video game type shit

shooting hellfire

missiles into mountains and killing people

i mean that’s probably the best way to hunt

these fucking

dudes anyway if there really are terrorists out there

like the whole

thing is nuts you hear people like michael

moore saying that there’s only a hundred taliban

or a thousand taliban

what he said

living in afghanistan

it was a hundred or a thousand either one of thems nuts

the fact that we got 30 000

troops over there is like what

we just sent 30 000 more

like what the fuck are we doing

it’s all so

scary that we’re putting our

trust into people that are

known liars

you know the idea of

protecting america

the idea of

being a proud

citizen and

standing up for your country that’s all noble

the real problem is

who is giving the goddamn fucking

orders people that totally cannot be trusted

across the board

full of shit

at every goddamn turn

whether it’s the

gulf of tonkin

whether it’s the weapons of mass destruction in iraq

whatever the fuck it may be

you know and it’s not just republican it’s democrat

it’s this fucking crazy

healthcare thing

and this fucking

crazy thing that’s

going on with the bank bailouts

where all this

money is just flying around

and there’s no accountability and nobody knows

where the fuck it’s

going and these

executives that came from these

companies that got

big fucking bailout

checks they’re taking big

bonus checks and saying

well they don’t get

these bonuses they quit like

fuck you what is happening

this is a goddamn money grab

like how is this money grab

going on the

money grab’s going on

cause they’re all corrupt the democrats the republicans

they all owe

favors to people

that got them in office and they suck dick

and kiss ass

and they let this bullshit pass through

so it’s not just the republicans

it’s not just

the people who want war the military industrial complex

it’s fucking all of them

it’s all of them

we live in a horribly corrupt

system that is we’re like sick

we’re like the

human race is sick like there’s something

wrong with the way we

think and behave

and or it’s

right and we

think it’s wrong

we’re supposed to

think that well it

doesn’t know because it

doesn’t have to be this way if you want total

enjoyment for the people that are participating in it

it doesn’t have to be this way

and the way it is

right now it’s

is this way because

too many people are passive and they’re sitting back

and they’re just

allowing this

life to keep rolling forward in the same direction

look it’s going in a certain direction for sure

but it doesn’t have to be negative and it

doesn’t have to fucking involve war

it doesn’t have to involve all this shit that’s

going on in

these other

countries we’re being

tricked into

thinking it does

we’re supposed to be getting past that shit

and we’re supposed to be

evolving in a technological sense

we should be

evolving socially too

and we’re not

we’re still socially the same way we were

thirty forty fucking

fifty years ago we’re

still doing the same dumb shit

where it’s gigantic

groups of people led by

a couple of leaders

will attack another gigantic

group of people

and a bunch of fucking

people that have nothing to do with anything die

and someone is getting

money from it

all it’s that’s all it is

it’s all about resources

every fucking one

that’s ever been fought ever

they’re about resources

and it’s just

crazy that in 2010 we

you know the real problem is we live too long

you know right

now we live to be like fucking eighty ninety a hundred

you live long enough to figure out it’s all bullshit

back in the day

when you were

fighting for the

roman empire

you know you

died of fucking plague when you’re you know nineteen

you know i’m saying

if you live to be

thirty you did a lot of shit you got a long ass life

you know jesus that killed him at

thirty three if he was ever real

you know i mean look at all that

the people that live back then

you know nowadays

motherfuckers live forever

you know you you hear

about some new lady in france

just you know a hundred

twenty six what

a hundred twenty fucking six

smoke cigarettes

drink red wine what the fuck

one twenty six

it’s incredible

people live way long

and you live

if you live past a certain point like

you and i are very fortunate because we’re in the

entertainment industry

so we don’t have a specific job that we have to do

every morning

like we don’t have to go to work and work on

say insurance cases all day

stuff that we’re not interested in

we’re lucky that we get to create and we’re

lucky that we get to do

stuff that we find interesting but it’s all fun

but for most people that’s not the case and when

when it’s not the case and when your

whole day is filled with work

and i’ve been there before and you’ve been there before

you don’t fucking

think too much

you don’t figure too much out

you know when you’re working eight

hours of goddamn

day plus and you try to get some overtime

because you got

extra bills and credit card debt and shit

you know when it gets to a certain

point in time

you know at the end of your day man you don’t

got time to contemplate the universe or culture or

you know why people behave the way they behave

no you just fucking keep going

you know life is goddamn hard

you just keep fucking going

but you and i have way more time by ourselves to

think on our own

than most people

so you get to a certain

point time and you know what by time forty two

by time you like

forty two like fuck man

the whole hustle is so obvious and stupid

it’s like the same hustle that

woulda got me when i was 18 i

would’ve goddamn joined the army for sure when i was 18

when i’m 42 it makes me angry

because somebody my

age is doing this hustle

on someone who’s 18

you know not even my age

older than me

you know i mean it’s like you


should have figured it out already

you motherfuckers that are

older than me that are running the planet

you should be delivering this message you

should have figured this out

you should know that we’re living like retards

that this is nonsensical

that this is no

this is not sustainable

but we could live a sustainable life

and it doesn’t involve

going to countries

where you’ve

never been and fucking up people you’ve

never met it

doesn’t involve that

you know and this fucking argument like

about our boys well you know what do you want our

boys to die that’s how they have to behave over there

that’s stupid that’s a

stupid argument

yeah i know

that that’s how they have to behave when they’re at war

a hundred percent

but that’s not

the argument the argument this is is this is nonsense

they shouldn’t fucking be there in the

first place

it’s not that they’re not

heroes it’s not that they’re not

brave they are

absolutely have to be mean

that’s real fucking

fighting that’s real live killing and fighting

with tanks and missiles and jets and shit

that must be

white knuckle terrifying

you didn’t even like hurt locker did you nope

how come you didn’t like hurt locker

that was boring as fuck

you need to go to a doctor get your balls

checked out son

that movie was

we talked about as a million times i know we did you

gotta get your balls i’ll tell you what sucks

clash of the titans oh

yeah that sucks oh

stupid you see it

oh it was dumb

it was so dumb i mean i

like the special

effects are kind of badass the kraken was pretty dope

when the kraken comes out you like god that thing is i

heard it was like a made for tv

movie the special

effects sucked ass i

heard i just heard

i kind of like the medusa

you know the problem was there wasn’t enough shit

going down you know yeah

yeah i don’t

wanna see it did you see hot tub time machine

um no i haven’t seen that yet i

heard that was

bad too but what is this gentleman saying

i don’t like to respond too much to negative people but

i don’t know what he’s saying of course he’s reading it

all he cares

about is his internet

reputation not even listening


you talking to me

some chick asked me a question on twitter today

it was one of the

it was one of the most ridiculous questions

that i’ve ever like

heard ever so i like look at this

this chick says to me

her name is

taurus spotsy

twelve i don’t know

what the fuck it is it’s on my twitter feed she says

joe you can’t seriously not believe in evolution

you don’t believe in that joe

listen listen but listen how it’s worded

you can’t seriously

not believe

like i didn’t

even know what she was asking i had lost it so i said

if i can’t not

that means i can

right what the fuck

yeah what does that mean

and then i’m saying then i said that

i’m not saying i don’t not i’m saying she don’t know

if i do or don’t know

i was like fucking

did something about

twitter speak and

something about

text speak that’s making people really retarded i know

it’s so much better than cursive man i got a letter the

other day in cursive and it made me cry

i will take

i will take

no no you know cause cursive doesn’t imply

stupid to me

when i read something in text speak like you are

i go god damn yeah but i dudes do it when dudes do it

tries to be nuts yeah but my

brain could immediately skip to and

understand what it

was supposed to say recursive i’m more like

okay that’s a z

that’s y o u apostrophe

r e when you get a goddamn text message from me

you’re gonna get a fucking apostrophe

you’re gonna get a u apostrophe r e

i’m old school son

i’m old school son i prefer a

stick shift there’s just too much goddamn traffic in la

but i really prefer to

shift my own fucking gears you know i’m saying

do you like to shift your own gears uh

not in la now fuck fuck that get a nice fucking

bmw or nine eleven turbo or some shit

i’m done with

automatics i mean manuals i don’t know man for

sports car there’s nothing like it so fun

i have a little bmw little

m three i love that

thing but it’s got the paddle shifters

and the paddle

shifters are

pretty dope in traffic because you really can

shift gears

when you want and you really control the engine

but man there’s something about

pressing that foot

that clutch down

putting that gear in

click click

letting the clutch off

hitting the

gas at the same time it’s like you’re in tune

with the machine man you’re in tune with the machine

i’m just pressing buttons

i’m hitting the gas i’m

pressing buttons and it’s fun i mean

don’t get me

wrong the fucking car is fun as shit

these little cars now they make like little bmws

they handle

so good man

they’re just like they’ve figured it out now

and there’s a

crazy horsepower war now

so like regular cars that you buy are so much more fast

than they’ve ever been before

this bmw old bmw before this one had

333 horsepower

this one has 420

it’s fucking ridiculous

it’s as fast as my old 911

turbo that old porsche that i used to have

that thing was

stupid fast

this thing is

just as fast as that

but handles way better like the balance is like perfect

it’s like you feel like you

could just move it like it’s not even

real it’s like it’s a go kart or something you know

it’s incredible what they’re doing now

those new like

those new mustangs

that the shelby

the the what is it the the gt

five hundred

those fucking

things have five hundred forty

horsepower man

and you can

never buy car


yes but fun as fuck

that’s fun as fuck dude

if you had one of

those mustangs

those really fast one boom boom

that does nothing for me anymore oh

when i was a kid

when i was a kid yes but nowadays i’m like

no i want to live okay what if you had a weekend car

what if you had this and you had it like a mustang gt

five hundred for a weekend car you don’t

think that would be fun

and fucking just just not safely i’m not talking about

going down residential roads going

150 miles an hour

but that merging out to the highway

get to 70 like

that son you feel that fucking roar that v8 those

fat four inch pipes

are you kidding me that’s fun as fuck

that is fun as fuck i

guess i haven’t done it in a

while yeah you

haven’t done it in a while

if you did it if you did it

every now and then you realize that’s fun as fuck man

there’s a you know there’s gonna be a

limit though a certain

point in time like

how fucking fast can

these things go

the new 911

turbo is zero to 60 in

three goddamn seconds

three seconds

one two three 60

miles an hour that’s insane

yeah crazy stop getting text from your girl and fucking

shut that shit off 20

battery level yeah

yeah you faggot

acknowledge me dude please

there i did i acknowledged you dude you’re way behind

ryan pelicia

way behind what are you talking about

it’s this too much

there’s too many people

too much too many people have i ever seen a

movie called falling down with michael douglas yes

great good goddamn movie

i love it and

that’s how you feel when you live in la you know in la

after a while you’re like

you know there’s too many

humans they did

population density studies with rats

they took rats

they put them in a box and there was you know

there’s a certain

population of rats and they were cool with each

other and then they

doubled it and they

started getting a little

crazy and they tripled it

and when they got to like a high number

where the rats were on top of each other

rats develop mental illnesses just like

human beings do

some rats would sit by themselves and shake

and just like face the corner i mean

literally the way

human beings are

is mirrored in

population density studies for

all sorts of animals so

you take us

and you put us in the same the reason why people

yell at each

other on the highway

that’s craziness like why we get so angry and

angry on the highway

just because we were on top of each other just

eating each

other’s energy on the planet

you’re not supposed to live like that

and so that movie

you know that

movie just resonates with everybody i

think when he just went fucking

crazy when you live in a

place like la

la’s got 20 million people in it

i mean that was the reason why i

moved to colorado in the

first place

i wanted to get away

from this heavy vibration of all

these people

you know i don’t

think this is a healthy way to live i don’t

think it’s a healthy

thing to be like this many people

to me i feel like i’m living in a game of

musical chairs

like one day some shit’s

gonna go down and i’m just

gonna have to go further away

you know i don’t feel like i

could stay here no

did you feel that

earthquake the

other day no i didn’t i was in the car

i didn’t feel it either

i was in the car either but it was a mess like a wave

our friend duncan said that

his bookshelf was moving he said it felt like you were

on a boat like you’re waving that said our

friend duncan’s done a lot of acid in his day well i

heard it from a few people same time

same exact wavy motions wow

like three people told me

well it was a pretty big one you know it was a 70

right six point yeah six

point nine or

something would in baja california

and that’s like mexico and then there was isn’t that

where jesse

ventura lives

i don’t know

it’s fucking government and then fifteen minutes

later twenty minutes

later there was like a four

point three

north finders north

los angeles

the governor

tried to fly with me

that’s a bad jessica

winter impression

that’s great

that dude lives in

mexico half the year seven

point two i think that’s pretty cool

seven point two

seven point eight

indonesia two hours ago whoa

is that true

okay i’m gonna have to

check that shit out that’s

ridiculous i might

have to run hide in the basement if that shits real

indonesia sir okay

let’s move that

north carolina yeah right

how cool was that right

north carolina i’ve been

thinking about that lately

massive earthquake rock

southern sumatra and indonesia 78 on the rector scale

whoa motherfucker it’s true

four minutes ago this is on

these websites

god damn i love this little latest results thing and it

scrolls down it shows you all the shit

yeah i love that google is the shit

okay i’m willing to give up some personal liberty

so that google could be running shit

all right see what else we got here son

these podcasts have been a lot of fun

and met a lot of people last week

on the road in new york

and in north carolina and

thank you all very much for coming out and

i’m glad you enjoy the podcast

cause we love doing it man it’s fun as shit we

tesla got fucked by rockefeller yes he did you know the

the best version of that story is

duncan trussells drunk history

i don’t have a link to the

video but i’ll put it up for you guys i’m

gonna find the video for you because it’s so cool you

guys it funny or die duncan trussell

drunk history

they get duncan super super

drunk and yes there it is right there drugs history

i’m gonna put this shit on twitter content reject go

back in terms of you go back to that your

search results there was a video

daily motion stole it fucks

it’s hilarious though yeah it’s amazing

duncan was so wasted it

they get like bottles of tequila and shit and absence

oh yeah absence

right right have you ever done that shit

yeah never did really never did enough to have it

like i feel it or anything i don’t think

i did a long time ago

what is this um what is duncan’s uh duncan trussle

is it one s or two two

what’s that t r u s s e l l tell you right there okay

i have to give my man props on the twitter

it’s hilarious you gotta watch this

drunk history thing it’s really

pretty spectacular

but for the people that are tuned into itunes

right now you ain’t you get no link you motherfuckers

you don’t even know what we’re talking about

duncan trussell

drunk history if you google that

they’ll be a website up

where you can

watch you can

watch the youtube clip you can watch it on funny or die

you can watch it a couple different

places but it’s hilarious and yeah

edison was a cunt

and westinghouse they were cunts and

tesla was a genius but

their defense

tesla also fell in love with a pigeon

and yeah and he had an

issue where he destroyed his sexuality

like he had some fucking

crazy problem

with some actress and he fell in love with her

and you know this is all like really vague

stuff but the

in his own words he destroyed his sexuality

they don’t know

if they castrated himself they don’t know what

there was also a lot of speculation that he

might have been gay or whatever too you know

he was definitely a loon

but again i

think you have to be a loon to be like the fucking

greatest genius that the

world has ever

known i mean that guy was nuts man

that got created all kinds of shit

alternating current and

you know i mean like

literally like

you created

a way to fucking broadcast electricity through the air

you know the only problem with it was that it

would be like free wi fi they

wouldn’t be able to control it like to have it in your

house you’d just be able to have it

but i guess now you

could have like a password

you pay for the password well they already do that

in some cities they have citywide wi fi and it’s free

yeah but i’m not talking

about that i’m talking

about electricity oh

talking about if they

would be able to do that with electricity like and

put a password on it the way we put a password on wi fi

today right either way

nikolai tesla is a perfect example what we were talking

about earlier is a dude who’s like a just gigantic

super fucking genius

it like the

greatest genius ever and

completely bat

shit insane

just just just out of his fucking mind

claim that all of his information he received

um from aliens

that he would

you know he

would tune into

alien signals

and they would tell him i do all the

stuff you know

i always wonder

about that i always wonder

where the fuck ideas come from

what if ideas are

literally like a living organism

what if ideas

are like you know

you know how we think

about like parasites we talked

about this before like parasites infecting a host

right you know

and they take over the host body

like that grasshopper that gets infected by this worm

the aquatic worm grows inside the grasshopper

to maturity

and then when it gets to maturity

it convinces the grasshopper that it has to jump into

water and drown

so the grasshopper

commits suicide so that this worm can come out of it

what if like language and ideas

literally are like another sort of organism

and what if like they

are manipulating our consciousness

you know what if like language and ideas and all

these different

things that people come up with a

creativity and people

when people are creative

about things they pull

these things down out of the air

i mean what are you doing

you freaking me out

why is it i can see it

i can see that dude

we’re gonna do this podcast are you

gonna play on the

phone hey i’m trying to do some tech support here to

see if our you

stream shows

could be yeah we don’t need to see it we can

watch it on here

i don’t you gotta have

a real conversation

because you were not having a conversation you’re not

having a conversation you’re talking

about theories

and i’m listening talk back

then motherfucker i’m not

gonna interrupt your theories i don’t

understand why you’re sitting there and i’m seeing this

flash of your fucking ipad are you

seeing that i am

brian why are you arguing with me i am and

you know what am i lying

no you’re defending yourself

when i’m telling you it’s distracting all right

i’m sorry for listening to you while

looking at trying to do something and doing it more

than once it’s not tech support it is i’m not at

brian stop arguing

with me i’m not asking you to do this all

right okay jesus

that seemed very unnecessary

it’s not unnecessary

brian you’re

distracting me you distract me by web surfing in

front of me and i’m looking at your

screen was i web surfing

whatever you’re doing i’m seeing you fucking

flipping through pages

and you’re not listening

to what i’m saying okay we’re not having a conversation

we weren’t having a fun you’re talking

about theory

about something i’m listening

the thing we’re doing

right here this is

seven hundred

twenty four people i

understand you call the podcast

joe you were doing a theory i was listening to you by

watching you flip through this fucking

thing you’re not listening to

me because i’m trying to do something for the show joe

brian brian

don’t do it i told you not to do it earlier

this weird just had a little gross bat

a little hissy fit

it’s the ipad it’s fucking evil ipad he’s right

guy said the ipad’s evil it’s causing you to do that

to what if i

wasn’t doing

that i would have been like this

doing the exact same

thing we’re talking i would expect that you know

when you’re talking i do the same i

think you know when people are talking to each

other they sit back the

other person listens yeah if you’re doing a

bunch of shit i’m just telling you man i

know a bunch of shit

while i’m talking i know you’re not listening to me

joe joe joe it’s not that if i

were to go off for 15 minutes 10 minutes at a time you

would do the

exact same thing

yes you would not what we’re doing you

would not let me

talk for 20 minutes

right i’m not

talking for 20 minutes

and we’re doing a podcast all right

we’re not having a conversation though ryan

jesus christ

why you defending this because you’re attacking

really simple

not attacking yes

i told you twice

to stop looking at that fucking

thing that is distracting

it will look at this

thing then it’s in

front of us doing the same thing

no it’s not because you’re not

flipping through

things and moving

stuff around i

could tell you’re not paying attention

and it’s distracting me

okay sorry okay damn

have i looked into the illuminati

what if harp

caused the earthquakes shut the fuck up

okay whoever you are

god damn it with your nonsense go read some

david ike books

wow red band’s

the man shut the fuck up joe how dare you

listen we have

moved on you fucks but i have to i have to

set this boy straight

but we got issues

okay let’s go to we’re gonna go to the rogan board

go to my website

and find some of the questions people have there

to try to change gears here

okay let’s get some questions here

can you do this

can you talk

about being more flexible any books you or

eddie recommend on stretching and flexibility

just take yoga

if you really want to

learn how to suck your own dick

that’s why you’re that’s why you’re asking god damn it

you said you hung out with ron jeremy

he was at the party i was at the other day

did you guys hung

did you hang out did you talk

i said hi to him that’s about it

he used to be able to suck his dick

that’s why i had a bit my act about it

but he got too fat

and then the joke was that

that’s how overrated sucking your own dick is

that guy never

just sits at home and watches tv does he

cause that dude’s out

i mean i see that guy at least once a month

yeah somewhere

he’s you know it’s kind of funny

he’s like really into being like a mainstream

like success

you know he would always tell me

about things he’s done like i’m not doing this new

movie with this guy and i’m

gonna do a cameo on this tv show

you know and he’s like i’m

really trying to make it as a mainstream actor i’m like

dude you fucking

ron jeremy okay

do you understand

that you’re like a hero

to ugly fat dudes all across the

world you fuck the hottest

women on the planet

he’s fucked all of them

every single one of them he has a giant dick

and he’s fucked all of them hard

slaps them around fuck some doggy

style nuts in

their mouth and face

i mean he’s a goddamn champion

he’s a champion

and if that was like something that you thought was

gonna be like that you feel like you

could be a champion

about you know

like a lot of people like oh you fuck a 5 000 hot

chicks that

would be oh god i feel horrible you know

what you really

think people

would think that that’s a bad

thing like a

regular guy that

never gets laid that looks like him

to a regular guy that looks like monsters

look like that

that’s true he

was like pretty

fancy back in the day

he was a decent looking guy when he was younger

but he was never like

a hot stud you know

these girls are tens

right you know i mean and now he’s like this

gross fat hairy guy with

great chest hairs yeah and he’s

still banging them

all the new ones all the new ones have to pay

homage to the

staff of the king

right he’s like a

superhero for horn

yeah if you’re a dude who looks like him in jersey

you know you’re a fucking mailman or

you’re delivering sausages to the fucking

local supermarket

ron jeremy looks like you

and he’s banging tens and you can’t get late at all

you know you’re

lucky if you get some

toothless blowjob

from some hunts

point hooker

that just makes you

check your balls every

five seconds for the next

three days looking for herpes sores

you know what i mean

you’re lucky

if that’s you know that’s like as good as you can get

you know that’s

gonna cost you a hundred

fifty bucks it

would fucking cost you

you know this this

motherfuckers just

bang and he looks

just like you he’s banging them all over the place bang

i can’t wait to these

chest hairs turn gray

really they look sexy

do you ever

think about shaving that

i hate it dude

i fucking hate shaving because

what looks better

how like being an animal being a man or having

white little red bumps

everywhere with ingrown hairs and

stubble and you look like

i just think you’re supposed to

let it go supposed to be a man supposed to be an

animal and not true shaving your fucking problem with

jujitsu is if you especially

train with the g on

guys grab you

right here fuck

that they grab your you know your your collar

and when they grab your your

your collar they grab fistfuls of

chest hair it hurts like a


i suppose that gee

man gmad gee

you’re supposed to

have a gee man

yeah but they grab it through the gee

i mean that’s

the gee gets caught up in the

chest hairs

there’s a lot of like

guard passes

where a guy’s on top of you

and he pushes down

on a collar and grabs it they always get a fistful so

people grab your

chest hair you get like ringworm

staff effects and there’s no reason to be doing

jiu jitsu well

it’s definitely hard to justify sometimes you know

think about injuries i mean i’ve gone through

since doing

jiu jitsu i’ve gone through

two knee surgeries

one meniscus

one reconstruction

i’ve had all sorts of fucking back problems and so

why is jit jitsu

not one of the

things like if you

had a stove that

smelled like gas you

were always burning yourself there was always

flames coming out of it

why would you keep on

using that stone why

would they keep

doing it it’s like surfing when the guys

crash and get

scratched up it’s so much fucking fun to keep doing it

jujitsu when

you get good at it is really fun dude it’s really fun

you’re going

basically hand

to hand combat and you’re doing it with good friends

like these guys that i do

jiu jitsu with

you know you would

trust each other with

basically each

other’s lives

when a dude gets my back and

chokes me and i tap

i’m trusting that he’s

gonna let me go before he fucking kills me

cause basically he’s got to a

point where he’s killing me

and that’s the same thing

with you when you get on top of a dude

and you’re finishing

off a choker and armbar or something and a guy

starts tapping

he’s basically

trusting that you’re not

gonna injur him

you know and sometimes people get injured accidentally

but the amount of times that i don’t

get injured it’s way more the amount of times that i do

you know i get injured but i’ve had

these operations and shit over the course of doing

jiu jitsu for 14 years

it’s a long ass time

you know and

the first year or so

first couple years i had a knee issue that

i already had like

the knee surgery on my left knee the meniscus i had the

meniscus problem for years before that so it was a pre

existing injury

so really the only

major one that i had was the knee surgery

but you just get it

fixed then you fucking heal up and you just train

smarter next time

you realize

don’t put yourself in bad positions and don’t

train with spasms

that’s another

thing you gotta make sure you don’t train with

anybody that you don’t trust

you know it’s very important

guys some guys are just like a little too nutty

they fucking spas out on you when you

train and you got to be real careful

those dudes because they want to win so badly

the best guys are the guys who are really good

because guys

are really good even though they tap you out

even though

they can beat you they’re

gonna beat you with technique and you’re much safer

you’re literally safer with a guy who can kick your ass

who’s a black belt than you are with a guy who’s

strong who’s a blue belt

cause that strong blue belt

might fucking dive on your foot and

break it you

might try to get you in a foot lock

and get a hold of it so

quick trying to tap you out

that he hurts you before you can get a chance to tap

you know it’s a very

tricky thing but

doing it good is so much fun dude it’s so much fun

it’s so much fun

and you don’t

think about anything else it really is like a form of

meditation you know when you’re in there and you’re

going at it and you’re rolling with each

other you’re not thinking

about your bills you’re not

thinking about you

gotta wash your car and

your laundry no you’re thinking

i gotta survive here i

gotta get out of the situation

you know i gotta

get into full

guard i gotta pass his

guard i gotta mount

i gotta finish him i

gotta stop him from finishing me

that’s all you’re thinking

about is the moon the moment

and whenever you’re

involved in something like that that sat in tents

it’s like a form of

meditation you know

we don’t you

think that way

about like art sometimes like when you’re at your best

and you’re like with your

video editing or whether you’re creating something

like when you’re

right in the middle of it all

you ain’t thinking

about shit but what you’re doing

you know yeah but it’s always getting

getting it done

it’s never like i’m

enjoying it oh no fuck no

when i’m painting a

painting when i’m editing a

video and i’m doing anything

it’s getting it done it’s not

i’m not having fun

i’m not having fun

while doing it

i’ll have spurts of fun

while i’m like

going oh that’s a great idea

but that’s not like i’m like boner

style going oh i can’t wait to finish this

video really wow

yeah you know is that an attitude thing

you know i don’t know i mean

i guess i consider that

creativity i consider i’m trying to get

something out of my

brain and do

something else as fast as possible

while i have the idea in my head

like i’m trying to

take my ideas and thoughts

out of my head

and put it in a form

as fast as possible before i lose the original thought

right idea so it’s not like

oh i love this

idea i can’t wait to do it mine is just trying to

get what i want

what i thought of out

fast i like

making notes

with the iphone

using that little


but i don’t

like that i have to fucking go in the menu find it

press that press record

i think i’m

gonna get like a little tiny

voice notes thing

and when i have ideas like that

when i’m writing and i have an idea when i’m trying to

write it down

i think i’m just gonna

press it and

say the idea into it so i know for sure that i’m not

gonna lose it

you know i mean

like if you have your iphone that record app you just

open up a program hit record that’s yeah

but i wanna be able to just one press

and it’s recording you know what i mean step two

just that yeah

for real i mean it

sounds ridiculous

but it is i mean it is that

yeah i mean i have

the biggest problem like i will have an idea that

might be the coolest

thing i’ve ever thought of and if i

last or wait like five

seconds 10 seconds i

might accidentally

think of something else and that idea is gone

yeah i have that problem so much and i know it’s mostly

when smoking weed

because lately i’ve been smoking weed maybe once

twice a week instead of

almost every day

and i feel so much

sharper my memory

so much better it’s amazing how much better i feel

already and i’m just from cutting it well you

also don’t exercise that much either that’s a big part

about the weed

you gotta blow that out of your system

you know it’s not

just if you just sit around and just keep smoking weed

every day every day

the weed starts to lose its

effect and then you

start to have to get more weed

to kind of and then you’re like

you’re like

flooding your

system you know i

think that when you

smoke weed you can

shit like if you

wanna do something

creatively you can’t

smoke too much you

gotta have one hit

one hit’s good

if you have two or

three you might lose

track of what the fuck you’re talking

about yeah sometimes it’s fun to have two or three

but for the most part

one it’s a little bit i read that oh this is professor

not read saw this interview once with this professor

was a i think he was a physics professor

pretty sure

but he was talking

about marijuana and he was saying that he

smokes a little bit

he said the key is to not overdo it i

smoke one hit

and i go on walks

and i contemplate my theories

you know and

he says that that one hit he says it’s like

a magical push

like a little boost

just helps gives him gives him

a little momentum a little wind in his sails you know

and then it

starts the ball rolling

you know don’t you ever

think that like

sometimes you’re creating something you’re

trying to do something and you’re not smoking weed

and you’re like god so oh yeah

not getting

anywhere and then you

smoke a little weed and then all of a sudden

bam right but

the main thing i

think it is

it just gives

you a different perspective of the same idea that

you’re thinking almost like you’re multitasking you’re

thinking one way this way and you

smoke weed and you can

think of it

a different way and that’s

one of the only ways you

could ever do that

changing your

brain i mean you’d probably do it on cough

syrup and think of it a different way you know but weed

i think is the most effective and fastest

and reliable because you’re so used to that

other side george

carlin had an interesting take on writing what he

would do he would

write everything

first sober

and then he would

smoke a joint and go over it

which i think is kind of interesting

because he’s got like he put up the

skeleton of the

house first

and then he

starts adding don’t do it the

other way around

there because then it always sucks you know

well i don’t know man

i think if you if you write

to the high

sometimes you can come up with some crazy shit

and then if you go over it sober you go oh this is too

ridiculous yeah and then you can edit it

i think the

combination of the two is what’s important yeah

i don’t know if it’s necessary

which order

i think thinking of the idea sober and then

going off on the idea

stoned always helps i have better odds that way yeah

maybe i think i

might want to do that with my writing i

might want to

label it you know

like st and

so stoned and sober

and like so i’ll

write stso so you know i did it

stoned and edited sober

all right you know sos

i have some funny

stone jokes that i write and

and i look at them and they are fucking

crazy let me see if i

could pick out one real quick

well the bit that i do in my act

that is totally true that i

wrote down something when i was high and then i went

to read it when i was sober

and it’s like a unicorn is a donkey from the future

i looked at him like how

could i have ever possibly

thought that was something that i need to write down

that is for sure a

sure a sure sign that i got way too fucked up all

right here’s one of my

stone jokes

marble marble

industry has to be hurting right now

remember when you’re a kid marbles bomb

what the fuck who does marbles nowadays that’s actually

funny man that really is funny that’s how

that’s hilarious

new comedy tour half the show

stoned half sober

the problem with that is i

would have to like

start out sober and then step off stage

go outside and get high

and that’s when the cops are

grabbing those

motherfuckers twitter be laying in wait the

worst on twitter is when

you find out that you’re following a fake lisa kudrow

you feel ashamed and disgusted

but you’re not ashamed that you are following her to

begin with i follow everybody man

i follow everybody i can

i mean there’s no one that i follow a lot of real

dummies a lot of really dumb celebrities

it’s really annoying

into themselves

i follow people

that like give out like really patronizing advice and

like ridiculous god

quotes and just

really dumb shit you know

tweet some really dumb shit

deepak chopra

some of this

stuff is just like what are you fucking talking

about you know

deepak chopra you don’t know is he’s like some really

famous authors like

he says a lot of brilliant shit

now i’ve listened to

a lot of his interviews he says a lot of brilliant shit

but goddamn some of his

tweets make me want to kick him in the dick

the balance he’s missing the balance my friends

take a brownie at the

start that’s not a bad idea but the problem with

brownies is

brownies and comedy

do not mix my friend if i took a

brownie at the

start of my act

an hour into the act when the

brownie kicked in

i would be so high i

would not be able to function when i get really high on

brownies man i don’t want to be talking

i don’t wanna talk to people

that stuff’s too

strong i can’t

trust edibles

man they’re like it’s like doing small amounts

of mushrooms now to me like sometimes i feel like

i’m really tripping and there’s

that’s crazy that’s too

great yeah yeah

the fucking the eating it is

spooky man and for people who don’t know it creates

something when you eat it called 11 hydroxy metabolite

that’s four times

stronger than thc so when you eat it

literally is a totally different drug

than when you smoke it

that’s why people when they eat

brownies they always

think they got

laced with something

you know so i can’t do that

so that’s the answer that question there’s no way i

could eat a

brownie go on

stage then an hour in the

brownie kicks in

because then i

would just want to lie on my back on

stage start talking

about the universe and you know

some people

might be into it but there’d be a lot of people that

would leave and go that fucking show sucked

it was really

funny for like an hour

and then he just started talking crazy

he’s lying on his back saying he’s connected to

everything and

people would just not

not enjoy it just take a social dose

well that’s what we’re talking

about we can’t figure out

um what a social dose is because you don’t

unless you’re making the brownies yourself

and then even if you make the

brownies yourself you can fuck up the

first time you get it too strong and

i don’t have that time to like be mastering the

right dose of brownies

smoking is the way to go

well i loved you in calgary to jen ab

calgary was the shit that was fun man

that was a good fucking time

a stone universe tour yeah i

should do that you know would really be cool eventually

right now we can’t do it but eventually when i get to a

point where we can do

stone shows

you know like i could do a show

like somewhere

like in amsterdam they have those cafes where they

allow you to smoke weed

if we had a place like that in america

hopefully in november

yeah hopefully in november but i don’t buy it man

i think the

ea is gonna fucking put the gabash on that shit

the problem with

the drug movement is that making drugs illegal

good for business

and making drugs legal

puts a lot of people out of work it puts the dea out

of work it puts private prisons out of work puts prison

guards out of work

it puts parole

officers and fucking police officers

literally 50

of the people that are in prison

are in prison for non violent drug offenses how many of

those are weed

and what happens when we becomes legal

oh it’s a fucking colossal mess

so what they’re doing by keeping it

illegal is really protecting business and it

sounds crazy it

sounds like nobody

would be doing that

there’s no way the governments that fucked up

no it really is it’s that fucked up that

literally is what it is

the reason why it’s

still illegal is all because of money

there’s no one

dying there’s no one getting cancer

there’s no one losing

their fucking mind there’s

no yet it’s

still illegal

when you can go to fucking cvs and buy jugs of wine and

cheap liquor and

cartons of cigarettes and you

could smoke

cigarettes and

drink yourself to death easy

easy you know

literally you can’t die with pot i mean you can’t

i mean i guess you

could do something really

stupid when you’re

stoned and wind up killing yourself but

if you’re that dumb you probably

would have done something

stupid anyway you know

and when they say don’t die a

pod though you

could totally die

if you say start

panicking because you’re

stoned and then your

heart has a

heart attack die i’ve

never heard of that

of you you would

so you don’t

think that ever happened somebody’s got too

stoned started

freaking out

then their heart fails or something

i’ve never heard of it have you

heard of it

no i haven’t

heard of it

because they can’t really

saying that the weed

is like let’s

look let’s let’s google this if you’re a weak ass

bitch weak ass

weak ass i’m

gonna google weak ass

weed yeah heart attack weed

heart attack

from weed let’s see

can marijuana

cause a heart attack

yahoo answers

let’s see marijuana said to trigger heart attacks

this is just wiki answers wiki answers is

stupid because people like answer

that’s how i thought that whales

that killer

whales used to kill people i’ve read this online

in a couple different places

that killer whales used to kill people

until world war ii

and then people were using the whales as

target practice i’ve read this online and i talked

about on the adam corolla show

and even though i said

i don’t know if it’s true i read it online

that after world war ii

after the bombers you

know killer whales stopped killing human beings

and actually started saving

which would be really fascinating hold on a second

but it wasn’t

true it was just fucking wiki answers man some

crazy whaling guy on wiki answers and i had to like

chase it down

on my website

marijuana said to

trigger heart attacks

harvard harvard

university descends

five times the amount of having a

heart attack in the

first hour after smoking pot a person’s risk of

heart attack

could rise almost five times

god damn that’s if you’re a weak ass bitch

okay so or if

you’re just like one step away from having a

heart attack because you eat a

lot of meat you know or something like that be careful

weak ass bitches

i’m gonna write this be careful

yes that’s why when

you say that like marijuana is our killed went true

it didn’t it didn’t poison anybody it didn’t you know

but if you have some

other problems you smoke weed

absolutely you can same

thing could happen if you lick shoes

and you get you know

there might be something allergic on a shoe that could

trigger off

a sinus infection that will

make you die i really don’t know

where you’re

going with this i have no idea

okay so i just twittered that

careful weak ass bitches marijuana can give you a

heart attack if your ticker sucks

and you can read the story

yeah you mean

you really gonna get a

heart attack from weed

because you’re

freaking out

i definitely

think that there’s another problem

though the real problem is that you’re in terrible

shape and you take care of your body

that’s the problem it’s not pot

you know it’s like

the way i’ve

always described pot not being able to help dumb people

is that you can’t you put jet full

jet fuel in a fucking lawn

mower it’s still a lawn

mower you know

right you know you put jet fuel in a jet and it’s

pretty badass but the bottom line is you know it’s all

about what kind of hardware you’re dealing with

and some people just have weak

brains their

brains just suck

i mean have you ever met people when you look in

their eye and

you’re talking to them and you’re like wow

like there’s

no hope for this dude this dude’s just dull

like i’m looking in his eyes i’m not making any

connection it’s like talking to a dog

he’s like a fucking idiot

there are people and people don’t want to

admit this for whatever reason

there are people that aren’t dumb

they’re just

troubled and

their lives have fallen

apart because they you know

they’ve got all sorts of issues and

you know people go all that guy’s a

retard but he’s not really retard you know he’s kind of

smart there are people like that that are just

troubled and fucked up and

you know perhaps they

never figured

out what it is in this life that they’re good for or

should be doing

but there’s

definitely people with weak ass

9 volt brains

that are just supposed to be out there digging ditches

and to deny that it’s just unscientific

if you look at the entire fucking universe man

it’s all about

things improving and getting better

and if you look at

human beings

there’s all sorts of

things there’s all sorts of programs and

things set up

to make sure that the weak can

still survive

they don’t drop off and when that happens you’re

gonna create a

bunch of dumb people

and having those dumb people around

look they all fit their

their purpose

they’re all here for a reason but if you’re

gonna have a fucking nickel eye

tesla if you’re

gonna have an einstein

for sure you’re

gonna have ditch

ditch diggers dudes who are here to

ditch dicks

ditch dicks

you have ditches

it’s probably they’d set the retard

bar so low in like the 1900s that they just

haven’t raised it yet you know there should be

maybe a test or two that we

haven’t been doing

that makes people that are

instead are dumb they’re just retarded you know like

like you know what i’m talking

about like this person’s so dumb

they are retarded

but you know that they’re like one test

or whatever you want to say that because they

want to say oh you know you give people a chance and

i know everyone’s got a chance i think

there are certain people

where it’s very much cultural

it’s very much there

just they’re raised in an environment

where no one’s questioning anything their role

models are all dunces they grow up in a family

where people are

screaming yell at each

other for no reason and they just

they live in this

stupid world and so they imitate

their atmosphere

and they become

stupid themselves there’s people like that

so it’s not an

exact science

but the problem

is there’s a lot of really fucking dumb people man

when you see

those videos of

those people that go to the saran

palin book signings

those tea bagger people

and they’re all up in arms

against the government

there are some

wooden minds in there just some dull


you know that’s

that’s that’s really a problem that everybody

has to have a say like how do you fix that

how do you fix

what we got going on

as far as like the idea of a democracy the idea of

you know half the people

you know or more

have to agree or have to you know have to the mean

the idea of a real democracy

if more than 50 of people retarded

which i think they are

i would say more than

50 more than 50

how the fuck

do you move forward how the fuck do you

the only way to do it is to make

those people smarter

is to figure out a way to educate

those people to

raise the number of dumb

raise the number of uninterested

uninvolved do you think 50

are retarded like

like they have bad

brains or just education environment

you know i have

i know people

that are great people

but for whatever reason

they just don’t

think the same way that

other people my

other friends do you know like

they’re not

thinking about like

putting their seatbelt on because they don’t

wanna get in

a car accident they just get in the car and

just drive you know like

they just don’t have

like a part of their

brain is not working

like like the deep like just

thinking you

think outside the box

thing but do you

think that’s how they were raised is it nature

no i think it’s i

think it’s just

they’re not

using the same parts of

brains their

brain you know it’s almost like

i just don’t

think that they have that in him you know

i don’t know i really wonder how much of that is due to


like how much of it is due to pollution

you know how much of it is due to what your

mother was eating and doing

while she was

a problem totally that totally

yeah that has to have a big effect

you know i mean if you go on youtube and search

me smoking cigarette

you’ll see some

just guy in west virginia just sitting there smoking a

cigarette and you

could tell just by looking at him he’s retarded

but yet he is probably not considered retarded

no and he can vote

yeah and he can vote yeah

like i had a conversation i’ve been having all

these conversations

about religion on the rogan

board lately because all this catholic scandal that’s

going on and i don’t know if you

know the latest but they’ve proven that the pope knew

about pedophiles

and hid the cases

that when before he was the pope that he knew

about these pedophile cases

and he did everything that he could

to shield the information and protect the priests

it’s like how

could you not

think that the catholic religion is a cult at that

point at that

point it’s a cult

right i mean it’s a cult period

definition wise

but at that

point in time like how

could this possibly be good

you know if at the very top this kind of shit is

going on how do people get

tricked into that how how is that possible

you know how how are people so silly

that in two thousand and ten this is

still considered a possibility like

maybe they’re

right maybe

these kid fuckers are on the ball

maybe they’re the ones that we need to follow

you know maybe this

crazy organization

in in italy

maybe they’re the the masters of all the knowledge like

that’s that’s

is that nature is that nurture what is that is it both

i don’t know i

think it’s i

think it’s the same

thing that when you talk to certain people

they don’t get

technology like they

they’re not informed as much as

other people

is that nature is that nurture i mean how

could people

see to me and to you when we look at

gadgets and new

things like

you know we’ll both like

brian like find some new

thing online like holy shit look at this

and they’ll send it to me or i’ll send something to him

you know and you look at it you’re like oh what

are they doing look what they’re doing with that this

multi touch fucking interface like

minority report type shit or anything

anything new thing

that stuff becomes fascinating man

i think the

later the more we kind of kill off a certain

age group of people that didn’t grow

i think the more people are going to

research for themselves

religion and

stuff like that and i

think religions probably

their future of religions probably

gonna be a lot different and then say the next

hundred years and yeah

ever been ever

i think it’s probably more people have

like realize how

ridiculous it is now

than ever before

you know i don’t

think there’s ever been more questioners

and there’s probably

never been more options either you know with


and the moonies and anything

else and new ones that are popping up left and right

there’s all

these new ideologies that are popping up left and

right people are offering like

new alternatives

and it can’t last

it’s just it’s just

gonna be too much

there’s gonna come a

point in time

where we know the truth

we know like

it’s not gonna be something

that we have to like wonder and make a judgment call on

it’s gonna be like oh i know you’re full of shit

oh i know you’re

lying oh i know the information you’re giving me is not

truthful i can read this i can

understand this

we have an intuitive

sense of what’s

wrong and what’s

right and we also have an intuitive sense

of when people are lying

you know when someone is not being honest with you or

or when you

ever be talking to someone and you know that they’re

secretly like hoping that something goes

wrong with you

like there’s some

secret hate

you know you ever

been talking to someone on the internet

every day yeah

yeah but you know you know that feeling

where somebody really is like they’re

being douchey to you like there’s something there

right right and

you can’t describe it but you get a feeling from them

you know there’s instinctual feelings that we have you

know and deception is a big one man

that’s a big one

when someone’s being deceptive and someone’s

lying to you

does that not

drive you fucking bananas

doesn’t that drive you

crazy well yeah

yeah i mean but you have to also think that

the person the reason why this person’s

acting like this or something like that it’s

because it’s something that they don’t like that you’ve

done to them or that something that you do or you know

so then you have to either

but that’s not always the case sometimes it’s their own

shortcomings that’s causing them to be insecure

i mean we were talking

about earlier this girl that’s

upset at this

other girl that you know

i mean think

about that i mean what is that

where’s that coming from

and no one did anything

wrong there

right now it’s like sometimes it’s

their own shortcomings

if people choosing you over another person

right someone seeing

something that someone else has and saying well that

should be me how come this guy

successful how come

this girl is so

happy and i’m not they get

angry right right

i mean there’s

there’s a lot of shit to

human beings that’s not logical

you know and

but we can feel

that when you’re talking to someone and you mean

how many times you talk to a dude i’ve talked to a

bunch of dudes

where i know there’s some

weird jealousy hate

thing when i’m talking to them

i try to just

be as nice and friendly as possible and like

listen man we’re just meeting for the

first time yeah

i don’t really know you okay

don’t make this a personal

issue know you

think you have this

this rivalry

with me because you know you see me on

television and you don’t like

the fact that

i’m doing something you want to do but i’m just a dude

you know you’re a dude i’m a dude

and the reality is

i’m not taking

your job okay the reality is i got this job and the

other reality is you can get something like it too

you know you can become exactly like me

except your own version of it

you know you

can anybody can do it anybody can be

successful in any any area

that they pursue

you just have to figure

out your way through the fucking path it is possible

you know i mean look muggsy bogues was a fucking

basketball player

he was five foot six yeah you know i mean

anything’s possible

you know there’s

just has to be

your own path

you know and i

think human beings

especially have a real problem

being jealous of

other people and being

upset at other people but

my point is that you

could feel that when someone does that to you

and we’re going to be able to tell when people are

lying we’re

going to eventually be

going to be able to tell

that’s for sure

like something that’s

evolving in us

with language and with consciousness

we’re figuring out

deceptive behavior we’re

figuring it out because we

understand it we recognize it in ourselves

and the more

truthful you are

the more easy it is to pick out lies in

other people

and just so much information too

just like twitter

alone has probably killed a million relationships

and a million

rumors too and you

pretty much can’t do anything nowadays

imagine being married

and imagine

going to a bar

and then you meet this girl and you

start talking to her

and somebody goes oh hey there’s that person takes a

photo of you puts it on

their twitter

now you are just being caught

in front of

five million people you

know it’s like

you pretty much have we’re

gonna have to all have to

start wearing disguises like fake mustaches and

stuff and like

yeah you know it’s

gonna be it’s

gonna be like that fucking

movie with tom cruise what was that

crazy movie one of stanley kubrick’s last

movies they

all wear masks

and they banged each

other oh yeah what

the fuck was that

with nicole

kidman yeah with nicole kid

what the hell was that movie

somebody knows stanley kubrick

was that shit

something will

fucking come up with it i’m just

gonna sit here

till somebody comes up with it

this chick says don’t

cheat then how hilarious are you

jenna bbb no nobody knows the answer to this fucking

movie what is this goddamn

movie i was like

thank you sir

thank you very much

yeah yeah of course you shouldn’t

cheat but the problem is dudes want to

and we’re programmed to well it’s not even

cheating like you

could have just met this person at a bar or said hi

you know just

started talking but

you know mr camera

phone behind you took a

picture of you and now

you’re fucking you know it doesn’t

like shit’s all

crazy now you

can’t do anything for sure

but the reality is the reason why

it’s an issue at all is that

human beings

especially men are

wired to try to populate an entire village

right because that’s how the best

sperm survives

you know that’s why all these

crazy conqueror

motherfuckers like

tiger woods you know

these guys that are so over competitive

that’s why i had so many

checks you know it’s like

the guys just doing nature he’s

spreading his seed

if this was

you know 2 000 years ago that

would be totally normal

but it’s like an offshoot

you know guys

it’s an offshoot of

you know a fucking

warrior instincts you know

he’s out there conquering

and then he’s conquering

you know he’s

like doing what he’s supposed to do he’s like

driving forward yeah

women are wired to grab a man

and keep him for

protection yeah that’s true too

yeah that’s

definitely true

sex addiction is

total bullshit it

is it you sex addicted

motherfucker i

would have to disagree because i know

some people that are totally addicted

to sex at a different

level than i am yeah you don’t know man

you never met some friends of mine did

you ever talk

about the ceramra or the

lotion no you

should talk

about it i have a friend

who used to do a

thing called shooting

and what he

would do is

he would get

these running

pants like those

those really thin sort of like

it’s almost like a

nylon yeah nylon

really silky running

pants and he

would literally

rub the crotch

with a fine grit sandpaper and

and then he

would baby oil

his balls and his shit is junk

and baby oil

everything so it’s all nice and slippery

so he takes this

super thin running

pants and he puts them on over his baby oiled shit

and they would go get lap dances

and they would just

shoot in his pants

cause you know

the girl would be hot to be riding on

him his dick

could get hard it was

literally like sex like

and he had he was like obsessed

with his work you know he has his own company and so he

would work like

these long hours

and you know and

he was very successful


you know had the

whole thing

you know big fucking

house in the hills he had the

whole package

and he worked all day he

was so he had no time for relationships

and he like had some bad

experiences with

women so he thought

women were just trying to rip them off and this

chick that he was dating she went up

cheating on him and he like he got his

heart crushed

so he just decided just go

shooting and this

would be his day he would

go to work work all day

then he would

get something to eat

and then he

would go shooting or he

would go shooting on the way home

and then he

would get something

to eat and then go to bed do it all over

again and that was his

all all of his relationships were lap dances

he would just go and he got caught eventually didn’t he

well he fucked up once and

he went and he put too much baby oil on or i think he

used lube and

literally his

pants were soaked and so

the girl sat on she was like what the fuck

would you like she thought

he pissed himself just like

what are you doing

what’s wrong with you he was like oh i’m

sorry he said i was so embarrassed and he left and

he leaves with his puddle in his pants

baby oil and

lube and it’s like dripping into his

socks and shit see that’s a dick that’s

sex addiction

i think it’s kind of like

i mean he’s into massages

he was into like

being rewarded for his hard work

he was into like fine food and massages

and if prostitution was

legal he would just hire hookers like it was like

if it was like an acceptable normal

thing to do like you

lived in you know some foreign country you know

where they were they allowed prostitution

he would just go to the prostitutes and get serviced

and then go home

you know there’s a fucking

you know did

i don’t i don’t

understand how people have allowed that to be illegal

how do you stop that

why do you stop that why do

people health reasons i

think yeah you don’t want fucking aids

going rampant

like hurt everyone having herpes really though

is that but if you go to

brothels they have to

check those girls they test

those girls if you go to a brothel in

a country that’s respectable supposedly they’re testing

those girls just like they test porn stars yeah

you know i don’t

think it’s a good argument because i

think that if you’re paying attention more

it’s a lot safer

then if it’s some fucking


thing where these

there’s probably

a lot of violence that comes with it too though

people going a little bit too far and raping the person

but wouldn’t it be safer if they did it in a brothel

where there’s security

and when people get

screened and they know someone’s not

crazy and there’s security

there everywhere

i mean that makes much more

sense to me

than some poor girl as to put a fucking ad in

some magazine and then show up

you remember

that girl that came to the comedy store one

night we talked to her she said she was a hooker

and she would respond to ads

and she would

she would only go to them right she

wouldn’t let them come to her is that what it works

right yeah she

would go to them

so that she had an address

you know and she

would tell her friend hey this is

where i went so if anything happens to me i don’t

come back you know somebody killed me

you know and she

would you know she

would go to these

places people’s

places and she

would fuck on

those like it’s

crazy to like

super honest

about it you remember that shit

what was it she was meth it was a meth head

wasn’t that

exactly like a meth

head but she told us i don’t told us what you did

yeah i think she said she did meth

you know and you

could if you had like a real brothel

i think there

would be like a lot less

crime it would be certainly way less rapes

if dudes you just get laid

you know and people

would settle down

and you know it’s like

the this when

you really did fall in love and you really with a

woman like there

wouldn’t be this like this like


desire to be with someone just to have sex because you

could always have sex you

could just pay for it if you wanted to

but you know being a relationship

would be a relationship

where you you really

enjoyed being with that person

you know they

wouldn’t like

especially if you live in a

place where it’s hard to get laid

like if you live in boston or something like that

it’s hard to get laid in boston

it’s not easy man

those go what do you just want to use me

you just want to use me and you get me kind

you drive home oh

i didn’t even know

women were nice

until i moved to

california man i had no idea

you know that’s

funny it’s true

totally true such

angry people

on this side

it’s so goddamn cold it’s cold

it’s just a goddamn disaster

you know there’s a lot of

a lot of tension

you know and a lot of people

there all go get them too you know they move their

their immigrants

you know the

grandparents are immigrants

and they move there from another

country that’s that’s some serious go get them shit

take all your

stuff pack it

get in a boat

sail across the fucking

world and start in some new place

and learn the language and

learn you know how to

that’s how go getter

these people were

so the people that

initially came to this country and the east coast

those are all savages

and the people that went west

are all the people that wanted to get away from the

savages all the people were like

these fucking people are

crazy get me out of here and they all took off

and the furthest

they could get was here

that’s why people in

california are like

the most laid back and the most progressive i mean it

literally is because they’re the ones that are the

ancestors of

the ones that wanted to get the fuck away from

where they were

yeah you know

go try the thin running

pants next time you’re in houston um

i don’t think so man i think you probably

still get diseases with thin running pants

but listen it’s a fucking it’s an excellent possibility

i should add that whole story to my house vegas

routine yeah it’s totally true

joe always talks about

2012 new topic who the fuck are you talking about dummy

i keep answering this chick’s

tweets when did we talk about 2012

we didn’t bring that up

i have no idea shut up hooker

shut your mouth

shut your dirty dirty mouth

this guy says i use naturally

speaking 95 on the pc it’s pretty good

i have a little bit of

speech impediment due to my cerebral palsy

you speak much

clearer than i do so you should have no problem

i believe there’s a new version huh

wonder though if that’s the

pc one is better does anybody know if the better pc one

the pc one rather

is better than the mac one or is it exactly

no sense if the pc ones better

used to be that way

it used to be that the

that the pc one was better

it definitely used to be

but i don’t know now that mac users are like

eight percent of ten percent of the

population or something what is it now eight

yeah what percentage is it man i have no idea

there’s a mental game one can play called channel the

alien wherein

one can find the answers

to complex questions simply by visualizing an ancient

alien from beyond pretending to channel the answers

try it sometime

you’ll be surprised

okay so what this guy is saying this holy

chaos 23 is that

you can find the wise answers to things

by pretending to channel

an alien who has the wise answers

what the fuck are you talking about son

why do i even

think about that

where you getting your weed bitch

okay cause that shit is strong it’s a little too

strong for you you’re off the

track and into the woods okay

your fucking

train is knocking over trees right now

that doesn’t make any sense

i guess i kind of see what

you’re saying you know and i sort of do that sometimes

where i say to myself okay if i wasn’t me

how would i advise myself

and i pretend that i’m talking to

a much more

intelligent version of me guiding my life i do do that

but i don’t pretend it’s goddamn alien

you know i just try to

think of what is if objectively

separate myself

from my life and what’s the best advice i

could give myself if i was

smarter than i am

i just thought

about it again and mad at myself for trying twice

that’s funny dumb shit ever

i think i think you’re silly fellow channel the alien


this guy puny

human the reason

red band isn’t paying attention is because you talk

about the same shit every show

then don’t tune in faggot

you don’t have to like it

it’s all free bitch

ron jeremy fucked your roommate whoa

somebody’s roommate got fucked by ron jeremy

i’m glad you like them dude

all right let’s

go to page one see what questions we got here

how do you think the

world would turn out if it were

to be divided by believers and non believers

would the believers eventually

end up just raping and murdering the non believers into

their cult i hate

these questions

yeah um you know

the real problem with believing and non

believing is that nobody fucking knows you don’t know

and nobody knows you shouldn’t be a goddamn believer

we should be a questioner we

should try to figure

things out but

whenever anybody tells you they got the answers

that person is either full of shit or they want your

money period

no one has the answers you don’t know it’s impossible

there’s no way

have i listened to any daniel

dennett’s lectures no

i don’t know who daniel dennett

is do you know who daniel dennett is no

i will never find

that information son

more information

see that dude go off of me

about the last

podcast how

about politics

yeah you know

emailed me he made a threat

about it he fucking

tried to contact me on something i am

it’s an interesting

topic you know because i go back and forth on it and i

agree with you to a certain extent it really is

silly um to

you can waste

so much of your energy

thinking about politics but then

you know the

argument is we’re supposed to be governing ourselves

governing ourselves in this country and that

you get the option to vote and you know you get the

right to express

your opinion you can actually change the world but

i don’t know if you can

you know i’m not

completely convinced at this point

with the amount of

money that they’re able to

contribute to campaign funds the

giant corporations are able to they’re

literally shaping the way people see things

they’re putting ads

and manipulating

people’s thoughts and getting people to believe

things that aren’t necessarily true

also they can

push a certain agenda so that somebody can make

money i mean

this situation is totally corrupt

i mean so much

money is involved in politics now and so much

money is involved in

you know in running the

world and you know just look at what

obama’s done with this

all this fucking

bailouts and this

when you look at this

whole health care system

thing someone has to be making

money there’s no way they’d be putting this much

effort into this

whole health care thing

if it was just about

keeping the

people healthy and making sure that people have

medical coverage it’s not

there’s money involved in it it’s corruption it’s

gonna get crazy

and it’s a goddamn

money grab just like the bailout is

and it’s all very very boring to me

and the real

thing about it is it does get boring

the real thing

about it is you can

never have all the information it’s impossible

and it’s a trap i care

about the things

i want to care about

about the government

if they decided to make a bill

about banning the internet

or that cats are

gonna be illegal

they don’t care

about that part that’s that part of it

but i’m not

gonna sit there and try to figure out

everything from a to z

about our government and

freak out about it because you know what

i’m freaking out

about my mail being delivered

you know i’m

thinking have my own shit that if i did that i’ll just

be an angry person

you know would argue that

shit yeah i

agree with you i see your

point but people

could also argue that that’s apathy

people could say that that’s what’s

wrong with this country that people don’t care

but i say that

until someone

acknowledges the fact that this

system is broken

we need a radical

overhaul of this

system a complete


of the way we do

business in this country it’s called moving to canada

it’s not even moving to canada

cause they’re corrupt too neither

right there’s a big fucking there’s a big scandal

the minister of finance

i believe is involved in a big scandal in canada

people are corrupt

man it’s human beings

people are less corrupt in

places where people are less ambitious like canada

where people are more laid back and friendlier

you know that’s one of the

things that’s cool

about canada people are just like

they’re less

crazy up there they’re a little cooler a little calmer

you know i think that

i think you know you

could waste your

whole life trying to

understand this

system and be a part of it and

argue it and go to court and

it will become

your everything

and it’s a system that we’re born into

we’re born into this

system that we did not choose

we have no control of

and it’s so comprehensive and so fucking intertwined

that just to study

a single branch of it

would take up all of your time

if you just wanted to

understand the

stock market

that shit would take up

every fucking hour of

every day of your life

just trying

to figure out how all that shit worked and even then

look at that fucking guy that that

that that bernie made off


that guy was ripping off people who

understood the business

that guy ripped off everybody

he ripped off millionaires and shit

he ripped off fucking steven

spielberg you know he ripped off all these

really big name people

so that means nobody knows how it works nobody

understands that thing

could you imagine if

your whole life

is dedicated to

studying the

stock market

you’re a supposed expert

people ask you for advice and meanwhile you got fucked

it’s a goddamn con game

nobody understands it fuck politics

it’s not politics we’re talking

about man we’re talking

about the whole system

we’re talking about money we’re talking

about everything

and we’re talking

about this attitude of fuck politics it’s like

what what can

be done that’s the big question what what can be done

to make the

world better if you had any say

in you know trying to figure out what direction we

could go to make

everything easier for everybody what

would you do

have everything be

make a lot more sense

because right now

everything from

the schools taxing

everything about the government makes no

sense to the average person

but if they can have like a website you have to go to

every day and go okay guys today’s

topic of the day do you think that slavery’s legal

yes no and then have the whole country vote

right there make it

super planned out and easy and make it

something like that because right now

no one gives a fuck what’s going on

right we start talking about education and

money and stuff like that

you get into

really complex subjects it’s not that simple it’s like

having people vote because then you run into the same

issue like people just put out propaganda

oh if slavery is not legal

that means the iraqis

will attack us and they’ll rape your baby and next

thing you know

slavery is legal

again i mean people are dumb

yeah i know but it

should be yeah i mean it

should be a vote though

system because

right now it’s like no one gives a

vote but no one knows

what’s vote online

like if there’s a vote online whether or not you

should be killed tonight

right now if people

watch this podcast

maybe 60 of the people

would want you dead obviously

for real that’s how

crazy people are

i know yeah that’s true you can’t like

allow that’s

why all this shit’s all broken anyway

you can’t fix it no matter what me red band thinks

about fucking any of this

doesn’t matter it’s

gonna happen

the way it’s

it’s gonna happen

you just called yourself by your internet name

i know that’s what

that’s from that thread everyone

was calling me like a

third person like

who cares about a red band you know

what red band

was designed for mac computers and cats and

i agree completely

because who the fuck cares i can’t change anything and

even if i could

one person i don’t

wanna devote

my life to see if i

could or not i don’t give a fuck

about that it’s like baseball to me

right the real

problem is it does take away from

everything that you enjoy

and people say well you have to

fight for your rights

do you really

why don’t you just have your rights

that’s the real

goddamn problem the real problem is that i have to

think about this fucked up

system at all

that it’s so broken

you have to keep an eye on it 24

hours a day

because people are just

stealing and getting

us into fucking wars and making terrible decisions

and they’ll

blame it on all

these troubles that are happening in

other countries

but when you

start fucking reading

into it and you find out the shit that we do that

causes all these

troubles know

god damn no

wonder why everybody fucking hates us we got our

dirty little fingers and everything

so it’s like it’s not me it’s not me that has my

dirty little fingers in afghanistan and iraq and

you know and fucking all sorts of shit that goes on

third world

countries and it’s not you either yeah

you should be able to fucking pursue what you

wanna do and the idea that you have to

go over there and kill some people to do that it’s just

damn in 2010

we pretend like you go to australia like

when we went to australia recently

dude people in australia are so fucking cool

they’re so fun to be around it’s such a friendly

culture what

if we decide to go to war with australia how nutty

would that be

all of a sudden we’re supposed to be

tricked into believing that we have a problem

with this continent that we’ve

never been it

probably happened in our lifetime

if it didn’t i

mean it’s because we’re

going to war together as a

group against some

other motherfuckers

i mean that’s really the only reason why we’re not

because we’ve decided to band up and go jack

these fools

and take their shit

but it’s it’s amazing that you know our system

there’s no other

system though i mean when you get

three hundred million people in

place what the fuck there’s no

other model

of how to run a

three hundred million person empire

and to do it correctly

where people

think it’s fair

because people are just

it’s part of life is an intelligence test

and part of the intelligence test is

how susceptible are you to manipulation

you know i mean

literally it’s

like a game it’s like there’s people like these

evangelists that you see

you know at

three o’clock in the morning

that are fucking

talking a certain cadence and

especially that

black guy with

the hot dog rolls in the back of his neck you know the

guy i’m talking about

that motherfucker is always

spouting out some

bible shit but he’s doing it so

charismatic and he’s

sweating like a pig and

everybody in the audience is

going bananas and

it’s an intelligence test the intelligence test is

do you believe this guy is so confident he’s

speaking so clearly

do you believe what he’s

saying because if you do you’re a dumbass he’s just

tricking you by being so confident in what he’s saying

right and that’s what it really is it’s like

this whole world is like a gigantic intelligence test

and even at the highest

level people are failing left and

right if you

start getting in these

the you know the republicans want to control the

house and what the fuck are you talking about

like look what you’re talking

about you’re talking

about nonsense if everybody

just step back and said this is all nonsense this

whole thing sucks

stop we’re not

gonna fucking keep going

with windows 95

shut the fuck up

okay windows 95 sucks

we need some new shit okay

do you have nt

do you have windows 2000

where’s vista

where’s windows 7 you


where’s mac os windows me

oh that was a dark dark time in american history

you know we need a better operating

system and the problem is we don’t we just keep

patching up the same

stupid fucking

system we’ve always had

so what do you do

you just sit back no you don’t move

cause you move they’re gonna be

under control of some

other motherfucker yeah but

how i look at it’s like if you have a neighbor’s dog

that’s barking

you can either sit there and deal with it for as long

but once it gets too bad you have to do something

about it and so that’s how i feel

about it if i

still wake up and

everything’s fine nothing’s really affecting me

on an everyday basis enough

to care about it then i’ll be fine

but if something fucking

crazy happens

like they decide to do something that’s

gonna affect me then

i’ll just be like you know what fuck you i’ll move on

cause i don’t give a fuck

like i’m not like united states

or for the rest of my

life i don’t care you know like i’m sure living on this

when you move

a bunch of times move around a

bunch of times in this country you realize the united

states doesn’t have one mentality

and then when

you move or when you

travel to other

places you’re like god i

could live here

right i can easily

live in it’s a huge planet yeah

dude england

is pretty dope i like living in it the weather kind of

sucks it rains a lot but dude people are fun as fuck i

enjoy it there

i love doing

shows in england england is fucking fun you know you

could live in england

you could live in australia

shit you know

you would have no problem in

sydney dude you’d

have to wear sunscreen that’s it they get no ozone

layered up there

everybody gets jacked there’s

skin cancer runs rampant

they have these big ads on billboards

about skin cancer

everywhere dude it’s a real problem

but do the people are friendly

the weather’s beautiful

you know the fucking the

coastline is gorgeous

it have no problem there you know

the idea that this one fucking place

you know that from one

ocean to another

ocean that’s like so five thousand years ago

right you know that we’re

fighting for our land like

jesus christ

especially in america to think that

when you’re a

citizen in america you are just like

riding in the balls of the dick that’s fucking the

world you’re just

a part of this gigantic machine it’s just bone in the

world you know

two planes come over here and

smash into buildings

and we lose our marbles

and we wind up killing a million

civilians in iraq and justifying

it that we’re keeping ourselves safe over here

it’s fucking nuts man

what’s the answer god damn it

what’s the answer

internet people

what’s the answer

twitter people there’s no goddamn answer there

there’s no goddamn fucking answer it

doesn’t exist

if you lose your marbles you can’t buy new ones

cause they don’t make them anymore yeah

the marble industry is way out of way to business man

yeah pretty soon i

think it’s almost

gonna be like how the internet

kind of like

in the old days i wasn’t talking to people from england

every day in australia

and that kind of

broke that wall

i think in the future there’s not gonna

like when its religion

kind of fizzes out fizzles out a little bit more

i think even just

countries are

gonna fizzle

out more cause we’re probably

gonna be just teleporting to japan

every day you know like

hey i’m gonna go to

japan i’ll be

right back the

boundaries are

definitely dissolving and the only

thing that keeps us in

this one idea is travel

you know that it’s difficult to give in

planes then when you land you have to be screaming

what’s the next plan

plan you know

what’s the next

jet plane it’s probably gonna be

something like that

sending our

brain waste to another body in japan

we have like a backup body and

if we get to a position

where we talked

about before like you know we talked

about like twitter

and facebook and this connectivity that people

share right now it’s like

we’re connected

so much more now than we’ve ever been before

if we really do get to a

place where

no secrets will exist

where everyone will know

everything you’ll be able to read each

other’s mind we’ll be able to access each

other’s information

maybe that’s the only way we’ll ever really have

a real government

when we’ll really realize that we really can’t bullshit

things we need

to have to come clean

about the fact that we live in a crazy


that’s dressed up as a democracy

where these gigantic corporations

are making millions of dollars and we just have to just

just accept the fact that we’re

under their rule the same way

they accepted the fact when they lived

in fucking england they were

under the rule of the king

and all these different

countries that are controlled

by monarchs

they have to accept that it’s

clean and then they know the fuck it is

like in thailand there’s a goddamn

king period that’s that’s what it is there’s king

and you got to deal with that shit you can’t talk shit

about them and

maybe it’s either that

or we realize we can’t do

that anymore we realize we can’t live like this anymore

maybe that’s the only

thing that’s

gonna save us

maybe this technology you know

maybe it’ll get the people who are actually running

things to realize how

ridiculous it is

when everybody knows

their bullshit

i don’t know man it’s a fucking it’s a

tricky situation you know

we are completely headed towards an

age where lies and deception will fade away yet we will

never understand all of everything

i think that’s what we’re just talking

about so that’s

it’s contradictory yeah

yeah it is but we’re just talking

about what’s here

right now and

what may or

may not be possible in the future i mean the idea that

we’re gonna get to an age

where everything is connected

that really is speculation

man i mean we don’t really know if we’re ever

gonna get that far we don’t know if we’re

gonna get hit by a gigantic

meter or fucking polarize

caps or shift or

when you look at the history of the

earth who the fuck knows what the hell’s

gonna happen to us you know

there’s always some new shit

going down you know

you know what the nuttiest

thing about

like i was watching

these solar

system documentaries today

the nuttiest

thing is how

many different planets have been hit by planets

you know like

there was a

thing on uranus

about how they recognized there’s rings around uranus

and they believed it was some sort of a collision

and they were talking

about moons colliding

and eventually

uranus moons

they’re real

close to each

other eventually

gonna slam into each

other like god

damn imagine

if we realize that

earth was getting hit by a planet

it was like a hundred years away

if we saw planets

yeah i mean how long

would it take for a planet to hit us

i mean like i

think they were saying that

uranus is a

year like a year in

uranus is like hundreds of years

i think was a hundred

sixty i don’t remember it was

was a bunch of years

there there winter

alone was like

sixty plus years

i think that’s what they’re saying

how many you know that’s a long ass time

how many years

would be able

to recognize like if a planet was headed our way

like if there was an inter

like an inter

solar system intruder i got like a planet

that’s in another

solar system

it seems like

it would be faster

it just seems like it

would just happen faster for some reason even though

it probably isn’t you know but why

would it seem like that if it takes a year for the

earth to go around the sun

right right doesn’t it

is that what the

whole deal i mean it’s like it’s

i guess it spins it’s like astronaut a

you know we goes around the sun in a year

right that’s pretty goddamn

close it takes us a year to go around

if some shit was coming in from another planet it

wouldn’t come that fast

would it unless

we’re moving towards it as it’s moving towards us

who the fuck knows the

point is that’s happened

that literally has happened to

earth there used to be earth one

which was just

a different planet and then it got hit by a planet

and that created the moon

fucking nuts man yeah

we that that

would end all the bullshit

all the tiger woods all the jesse

james all the fucking

healthcare and

t baggers and you know rush limbaugh and glenn beck

all that shit

would just stop if we saw

a giant planet in the sky that got a little bigger

every day holy fuck

could you imagine

it’d probably be pretty cool if it wasn’t

gonna hit in your lifetime you know

it’d probably be pretty

sweet like look at the

death moon coming

sucks to be you some people

would just die of

heart attacks

and then other people

would just go raping and pillaging

and murdering

there would be a

bunch of different

things would happen there

would be people that

would live like just

savages they would just

commit all sorts of incredible atrocities and

steal and do all kinds of other shit

and then there’d be people that

would just become

total hippies

just have orgies and

probably be more

straight love

yeah i’d probably imagine

really you think so people

would probably

be like nine eleven times a million just being sad and

probably be so many specials on tv

about it and

songs man religion

would pick up like a


oh my god they

would figure out some passage in the

bible that related to this and that

they figured out a way to

now to connect the two of them together god damn that

would be incredible

that would be

that’s so possible

that’s happened

it’s happened in

other solar

systems i’m sure it’s happened here

you know it

could happen in our lifetime

that would be fucking bonkers man

if we saw like it was 10 years away

like we have a real issue

would they even tell us

there would be

rumors on the internet

i don’t think they

would tell us i don’t

think anybody

would talk about it

so what are the questions we gotta open this bitch yes

i think my cat just took a shit in there so it might

smell i heard a lot of scratching

but you’re a cat man anyway

hey mayhem miller 12

when you say joe is

being a dick i’m telling you it’s distracting to me and

it keeps me from being able to do in this podcast well

i asked him to not do it

so you’re being a dick

i wasted my question religious bullshit

marbles are not dead wow the marble

world is still huge apparently

okay let’s go with the questions here

we’re the best substitute for the current monetary

system this dude wants to know who the fuck knows right

yeah you can’t i don’t

think you can have shit out there in the fucking

numbers in computers that can’t

it’s got to represent something

right that’s

the problem with

money is it

doesn’t really represent anything

you know it kind

of represents more ideas than anything it’s not like

one piece of gold

you know is one dollar

and you know and that

piece of gold is sitting in an account somewhere

and you can go

you know cash your 100 dollar bill in for 100

pieces of gold you know

the it has to mean something

you can’t have it just all numbers and computers

because people just can fuck you you know

like you’ve been

going through i don’t know how much you talk

about talk about this

but you’ve been

going through some bullshit with the irs

where they you know they audit you and

fuck with you and

going to your i mean

numbers and like

story numbers and how much numbers did

you put on this and how many numbers went to that and

politics to me

is it yeah my

brain does not care

about any of that

shit but that’s how i’ve always been with that

anything that i’m forced to do almost

i almost don’t care

about you know yeah

yeah well that’s sort of one of the reasons why

people sort of become artistic in the

first place

i think one

of the reasons why people are artistic is because

you know you’re

fighting against a

bunch of shit you don’t like

and you go against the

grain and you

wind up doing something that’s totally unconventional

you know that’s how people become

musicians and comedians and artists and stuff

you know on the side

street yeah

yeah that’s why it’s so

weird when like a comedian

enters into the

world of politics or something like that

yeah that’s strange

but that dude is like a serious historian

you know like that seems like it’s sort of like

a project for him like he really knows a lot of shit

what about our kids

i don’t know what

about our kids man what the fuck is gonna happen

what is gonna happen no one knows man

it’s a strange world we live in

it’s a strange world

that’s the weirdest thing when you have kids you

start wondering like how is this little person gonna be

survive how they gonna be happy and this

crazy world as it gets nuttier and nuttier

and more goddamn earthquakes know

earthquake and baja

mexico a couple days big one in indonesia today

i mean we have an earthquakes

everywhere dude it’s getting really weird

right yeah it’s like that

whoever opened up the treasure

chest from indiana jones raiders of the lost ark you

know seems like some fucked up happen

i know is it

weird how many people want to

think that it’s because of like us government

experiments that they’re creating

earthquakes like how nutty is that

how nutty is that idea that the

us government is like i know we need to do we need to

start causing


everywhere stupid

it’s hilarious

though i mean it’s hilarious how many people

want to believe nutty shit like that when it comes to

anything that’s

happening they always want to find someone some

human who’s pulling the strings and some

gigantic diabolical scheme

you know that a diabolical

scheme with an

earthquake machine that just

pointing at it all

these third

world countries and just fucking people up

like how hilarious is that

what what a nutty ass way to look at the world

you know i don’t

think that’s what’s happening

i think that the earth

is getting very pissed off at us

i think you know it’s

about time it’s shaking us off you know

not really consciously but i think

shit like this just happens

you know i mean look at what’s

going on on the moon there’s

craters all over

the moon and nobody ever did anything bad on the moon

you know the moon is just another little

planet shit happens volcanoes erupt all over the world

earthquakes happen

you know the topography

of lifeless planets constantly changes

you know it’s a

is it is it

that we’re having more


right now or is just that we have twitter

could be that too

could be that

i don’t really know to be honest with you

all i know is what i’m hearing

that i’m hearing

about them more than i ever

heard about them before but i’ve not

looked at it at all i’ve

done no research you know

it does seem like we’re hearing

about it way more than we ever heard

about it before yeah we also

more information pumped through our eyeballs

every day than we’ve ever had in our life

yeah 10 years ago i

would only have

found out on my

laserdisc player

yeah well you know you would have

found out ten years ago if it was really big you

would be a newspaper people be paid blowing up my pager

yeah i found a page of the

other day that i used to have that my dog had

bitten into

it’s all fucked up and jacked it’s hilarious

yeah i don’t know man

you know i got no answers to that i don’t know if it’s

it’s happening

more or there’s more information but there’s

definitely more information that’s for sure that’s 100

whether or not the

earthquakes are happening more

just seems like they’re on man

everybody’s scared

i’m about to lose a shitload of viewers lost starts

well you know what we’re

about it two hours anyway and that’s why

the way we like to end it so we’ll have one more

topic try to end it well

and then we’ll close it off

is it weird that you’re so into conspiracies

but hate movies that have a

twist ending

i don’t hate

movies that have a twist ending

i love fucking

movies with a good

twisty ending that i didn’t see coming

what i don’t like is when

movies fake me out and they say oh it’s just a dream

that drives me bonkers

and i’m not really into

conspiracies i’m into the real conspiracy there’s real

things that people have conspired like enron and

you know i mean

the problem with the

whole term conspiracy theory is

you bring it up like someone

talks about conspiracy theories

and they bring it up


you any rational person any

thinking person

does not want to be associated with conspiracy theories

because conspiracy theories make you seem like a loon

conspiracy theories the way it’s been labeled

make make it seem

like you’re a

silly frivolous person that you believe in

ridiculous shit you know

yeah well i

think if you

just tag it with the conspiracy theory name but i think

you know if you

don’t believe

the conspiracies but you

think that’s

an interesting approach to an idea or something like

people that just

think 9 11 was done by

our own government

and they don’t

think anything else and

stuff like that

that’s a sick way to

think of anything you

should never

put all your eggs in one

basket type that putting all your eggs in one

basket is a real problem we’ve talked

about that before with our friends with certain

subjects people love

for there to be mysteries

that they can unsolve

they love for there to be some hidden information

that they can unsolve whether it’s

about 9 11 or

about anything

but the reality is you know

unless you like really really really research shit

most people are just talking out of

their ass when it comes to subjects and when you do

start researching shit

you realize well

you can’t just

blanketly discount

or discredit

all conspiracy theories just because it seems like a

ridiculous thing because a lot of them are fucking real

the gulf of

tonkin the fucking operation

northwoods there’s

a lot of different shit that the government has done

and different companies have done

cigarette companies have conspired to

you know to hide the facts

about tobacco and

to make sure that

people keep smoking them and people are addicted

this motherfucker’s hook line

sinker with the cigarettes

you’re locked in

how many smoke today

three does that

drive you bonkers

no because it’s

relaxing when i

smoke a cigarette

but you don’t

worry about yourself

every time i smoked a

cigarette and my lips caught on fire then i

would hate it

well what about like our friend that just died you know

stuff like that

thinking about your body just giving out on you that

doesn’t drive you nuts

well i think it does to a

point definitely but i also

think like shit i

might fucking have

skin cancer

right now i don’t even know

about it you know it’s just

you either think

about death

all the time or you don’t so

the red ban approach is just to live life casual

and careful just live

life be a happy person and that everybody else

fight your wars and do battle just

let everyone else stress that fuck

out let everyone stress the

do you ever

worry about your

think rather

about not worry but do you ever consider

your position in this world

or do you just try to just live

i don’t think

about anything like that at all

so don’t think

about life i think

about my happiness and that’s pretty much what i think

about making sure that i’m

happy and people are

happy around me

i just want to be a

happy person

and i want my friends to be

happy but i do

it do i care

about anything else

about like fucking

cancer or anything i got try not to so when the

stormtroopers come you just

gonna pack a bag and run to the hills fuck yeah

i don’t give a fuck

about borders like your own joke

it’s interesting

because people can you

know you can criticize that you can say that’s apathy

you know like this

discussion that we had on the

board but i don’t

think they’re

right i don’t

think they’re

right i think at a certain

point in time

it is a foolish notion to try to control a corrupt

system it’s a foolish notion it really is i

could see both sides of it

i could see people saying

if everybody thought that way there’d be no government

deal this is bullshit you know you have to fucking

stand up i could see that argument

but i could also see yours man

i see your argument

i think you’re

right you know

a lot of people are

already has that same argument are you

says why do i care

it’s not gonna affect me why do i care

and in a certain way

it really doesn’t

but in a certain way it does like social

things like you know

obama not going

after the medical

marijuana that makes a big difference to me

you know that’s big

to me like real

state issues

like legalizing medical marijuana in the

state of california that’s something

worth fucking voting for that was a huge thing

that’s real

that’s a real

issue that got resolved and it

changed a lot of people’s lives

and it changed the

whole climate of california

people are way more relaxed

people are way

chiller you know the access to weed

is through the roof there’s

never been more access to weed in this country ever

than right now

that’s a real

issue that was resolved by voting

so it’s almost like

state voting voting on

state issues like that we can actually pick the issue

like that’s real shit

that’s real

local politics seem to be real

you know this is the reason why

california so in debt

um we got an actor to be the fucking governor

you know we went with a dude

that seemed like you know it was a no nonsense echo

and we took this fucking dude

we was an action film star

and we made him the governor and shit just hit the fan

hit the fan running

you know it’s fascinating

you know because

politics on a

local level seem to be real

but politics on a national

levels yeah yes it’s not

doesn’t seem very fucking real

the end that’s the end of this podcast

ladies and gentlemen

brian’s good for two

hours that’s good yeah

he starts fading

he needs his coffee

and a binky so

thank you very much for tuning in ladies and gentlemen

and don’t you worry about me and

brian in our argument i love this little fucker

and he loves me too

we’re just just trying to make sure that the

the podcast goes well that’s

all it is there’s no hate we’ve been friends for ages

uh thank you for

everything um

we will see you guys next week i

gotta go to abu dhabi this week for the

ufc that shit’s

gonna be crazy

i never been to the united arab emirates before but

should be fascinating

off some pictures and for sure i have some stories

definitely and i’ll see you bitches next week

so thank you very much for tuning in

follow us on twitter

brian only has

a few thousand twitter followers and he’s very very

upset about that

he’s a redband

reb bam and

he’s very upset

about your twitter followers so

upset how many you have right now

actually i just

got like a hundred recent i don’t know if it’s because

of the dvd or what but oh yeah is it on the dvd as well

well my websites on the dvd or my name

right there you go bitches

maybe it is because of that

so right now

brian is let’s see

it’s like fifteen hundred i

think i just went

today i’m so

close to a hundred and

three thousand oh

so close i’m like

sixty five away

it’s hard to get a new twitter followers

man you know

it’s like i don’t know exactly what you

gotta mention it

everywhere and you gotta

tweet a lot of interesting shit

but once you do man it’s so important

like for promoting gigs

and for letting

people know like shit you’re doing like hey i’m

gonna be in this town

like this the best way for people to find out what

you’re doing you know there’s no better way to promote

things you know and who knows what the next

stage of that is easily consumable

easily consumable

ladies and gentlemen

this is easily consumable

hope you enjoy this

this is the end of this week’s you

stream podcast and we will see you bitches next week

thank you love you bye

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