and action ladies and gentlemen in response to your

complaints about the horrible

audio quality we figured it all out

folks we have

first of all we have these mics you have to hold we’re

gonna hold them this week next week we’re

gonna have these little clip on things

but we have a mixer now

and we’re listening to headphones and

we understand

your complaints

see the problem was these things

these microphones were in

stands and they

were over here and it makes a huge fucking difference

how it sounds here

and here it’s not me buddy

it’s you fella

we are someone always has the laptop on the volume on

but we’re live and someone always has the laptop on

what is that

it’s not me fella it’s you oh it’s my

we had two computers that were on hold on one second

yeah

so how’s it sounding guys that are in there

it should be nice and loud i would imagine

much much better okay

we’re back sorry

sorry for everything being retarded

i’m drinking coffee that came out of an animal’s ass

oh that’s one of

those ones where they filter it through like that yeah

something it’s called

kopi luwak that’s the name of the coffee

and um is an animal called a palm civic

and this animal

eats these coffee beans

eats the the bean

itself you know like it looks like a little fruit

shits it out

and then they take them

and clean them i guess hopefully clean them

and they make coffee out of it

and it’s smoother coffee it’s like a

like a different

it’s just sort of a different

flavor to it because it went through this animal’s

digestive tract

now now if the animal

ate a lot of berries and

stuff does it have like hints of

other different

things in it you know

it doesn’t it just

tastes like coffee i mean

it’s really kind of

gross when you think

about it but

i was curious i had it once before

remember tate and i

were in florida

and they had it at a restaurant and i’d

heard about it so we

tried it out

apparently it’s

the whatever the stomach acids or whatever it is

inside the civic’s body

changes the actual chemical

structure of the coffee

and it just makes it much smoother

and it’s okay

you know i mean it’s not really

is the price

a lot more expensive fuck yeah it’s

super expensive

it’s way more expensive than regular coffee

way more cause i remember the restaurant was like 90

a cup something

stupid like that yeah mmm

animal butt how’s it

sounding for everyone what’s the people saying i

think it sounded good i think

we’re golden with this thing

this shit is

so much louder cool

seems louder yeah it’s way way way better

so um anyway

sponsored by flashlight by the way i haven’t oh yeah

talk that it’s sponsored

were sponsored by a rubber vagina

yeah do you ever fuck the asshole one no no no i don’t

think that’s necessary well it’s just tighter it

might feel good it doesn’t have to be you know

well actually it’s tight enough yeah

i think it’s good

i don’t think you need the butthole one

unless you’re just a freak

and your wife won’t let you have the butthole

you can have a rubber butthole

you know she should be happy

you get your butthole fantasies out of the way

did you know about the bottom

that it unscrews and it’s like a suction

cause like i didn’t know the first time i fucked it

it was like this really

suction like

crazy blowjob

and it was like

too much too intense

couldn’t take it because

brian’s got a giant hog

it’s hitting the back

brian’s got a fucking oatmeal

quaker oats box

that’s his dick and

and so i unscrewed it and i

guess that adds like air to it and makes it

a lot better

so you get to fuck a slut

yeah so it’s either a tight girl

or a slut or a big giant slut

right and by the way it was awesome i fucking love it

what’s crazy though is is that at

first i started out putting a bunch of

juice in it

and then it was

juice or whatever that oil is

okay lube the lube

i’m like what are you fucking oranges and shit what

are you doing

i wasn’t that impressed i was just like

this is just too much you know this is like fucking but

then you took the lube

down took it

down a notch and now it’s fucking fantastic perfect

so you have a formula

to use how many

squirts of lube

just a teeny bit around the lips of it

really yeah

that’s it just it’s all you need yeah it’s that their

water get the party

started right

give a spit on it if you’re feeling dirty

fucking whore and they

stick it right back on there

no but you know i

tried warming it up in the microwave

oh you’re not supposed to do that are

you no no the

juice there oh liquid

stuff i put in a cup was like you

gonna melt it and

stick your dick in there it’s

gonna fucking

fuse to your dick that hot molten

plastic you be screaming

third degree burns all over your dick

could you imagine

somebody must have

somebody must have

nuked something

got it too hot fucked it and ruined their dick

that’s happened totally totally if you thought

about it it’s happened you know

it’s like i was

saying i put this

picture up on my twitter the other day

somebody sent me this twitter

hey joe have you ever seen a triangle like this before

so i click on it you know

thinking that

it’s probably a guy caught somebody in a triangle

well it sorta

what it is is this

site called ghettogaggers com you know that site no

it’s a site

that is dedicated to it’s all

white guys like nerdy white guys

and they’re making these

black ghetto

chicks gag from fucking

their mouths

what and so i

tuned into this picture i

clicked this link this guy sends me

and it’s this

white nerdy dude with

these pale skinny

white legs with

black socks and

black sneakers on

and he’s got a no arm triangle like this

around this

chick’s head

this chick’s head is like right here

and she’s shoving his dick in her mouth

with his triangle

and she’s like literally

throwing up

all over his balls and his asshole and i’m like

it said so much to me though that what

kind of a strange

world do we live in

where it’s so normal

to just click a link

and it takes you to a guy

stuffing his dick into some

chicks mouth and she’s

throwing up all over his balls and asshole

and all i do is giggle

all i do is go haha you got me a fuck

you know what i’m saying

i mean if this was just ten or

twenty years ago

that picture

would fucking

freak you out

there was no

pictures like that

when i was in high school

the most you got is like hustler

where they spread

their pussy lips

apart you’re like wow this

bitch is crazy

dirty like they

weren’t even allowed to show penetration

they would show like a guy

they would have like a sex

scene and the guy

would be like

grabbing his dick to try to keep it hard

and looking at her and it

would look totally fake and posed and

it didn’t look like real sex at all

they you know it was hard to find

pictures of of fucked up

things but now

click what’s the link what’s the website

ghetto gaggers

ghetto together

if you just

go to twitter dot com

slash joe rogan

and look at

my past tweets

you’ll find

it a few days ago i forgot how many days ago it was

but this motherfucker got me with this

picture it’s just so

crazy that that

it’s so easy to find images like that

there’s so many out there

kids today dude

they’re growing up in a totally different fucking

world a world

where you can

click a link i mean

how many kids subscribe to my twitter how many kids

click that link

and went to that guy

stuffing his dick in that ghetto girl’s

mouth and she’s

throwing up all

of it’s not fair and i wonder if it’s

like because

i mean i got off with like sears catalog looking at

underwear ads and

stuff like that

and now you can just see the inside of a girl’s asshole

you know in

time yeah i used to be able to beat off to like

like a like a workout

like vhs cover

you know like

girl bent over you know trying to look sexy and

right you used

to be able to beat off something like that like you go

dirty bitch

but now it’s like

these dudes are desensitized man

these kids are

gonna grow up and not

gonna be able to get off

unless like somebody like

goatsies them and like shits in

their face and

stuff like that you know what i mean because they’re

starting off some people do get to like really

crazy points

where the only

thing that gets them off is like really fucked up shit

there’s porn

that caters just to

those dudes

i told you about the time that

tate and i went to see a porno being taped

we walked in

we walked in this is dude

salami that we

stood jiu jitsu with

great guy and he was

he was directing porn

and i told us come on do the shot come by

check it out it’s all

right we’re on our way back from a gig

land at the

airport we go before we even go home let’s go

check out this fucking dudes

go to this watch this dude’s porn

we walk in and there’s this

one guy fucking this girl in the asshole and the

other guys fucking this girl in the

mouth and they’re spitting in her

mouth everyone spit in her

mouth both guys

and the director

and he was a

grabber by the hair took

spit in her

mouth and this guy spit in her

mouth i mean it was like

it was fucking

it was rough man

the guy the guys fucking her in the asshole

and then he

stuffs it in her pussy

and he goes yeah i went from the asshole to your

pussy that’s real fucking healthy

i’m like whoa

i remember what

kind of porn is this

man i remember

watching porn and then

first seeing like how

people spitting

on the girl’s crotch before fucking in it so i

tried it with

my ex girlfriend back in the day she

said did you just

spit on my cat it looks

funny i was so

drunk i think i goobed on her crotch

i didn’t just spit

i was like i was like

and then i’m like oh i’m

sorry and it’s

yeah there’s something dudes

like that when girls spit on dicks you know like i love

those pornos with girls

spit on a guy’s dick mike

that’s just showing me there’s like

anger there or something that’s like craziness that’s

you don’t need to spit on

it you know you want to lick it you want to get it all

sloppy wet that’s all good that’s all good

you don’t need to get crazy the

worst is when they spit in a girl’s butt and it’s like

it disappears

they see little bubbles and

shit like come on

people will never

find the end there’s no end

you know it’s just advancing and escalating

and it’s the more exposure to this shit that we

have the more it desensitizes people like regular sex

girls are taking it in the ass left and

right now there’s like reports

about it like

all these doctors

are having problems girls having like butt vd

yeah they’re shitting themselves by the

age of 30 you know like

it’s fucked up

it’s fucked up get yourself a rubber butthole from

a flashlight if you

got that butthole

thing inside you

so i tried to warm up the

juice so then

i had to do the microwave

thing i went into the bedroom

put it and i didn’t have a boner anymore

cause i was like doing like

kitchen shit

then i had to like

get myself hard

again by looking at some porn

and then i went over and the

juice was not warm anymore and it was just like

so i’ve reached the

point in my life

where if my dick is not hard i’m not

gonna even try to get it hard to jerk off

i do not set aside time to jerk off i don’t like

sit down and my dick’s not hard i go i

should jerk off and

start rubbing myself

no i gotta be

horny to do it now you’ve

never done that

i have in the past for sure dude

i’ve had days

where i jerked off like four and five times in a day

which is just

you don’t even know why you’re doing it it’s like this

doesn’t even

feel good anymore like why do i keep doing this

you’re doing it just because you’re

obsessed you know just because you got a wacky bug

you know and you just want to keep jerking off

you know it

relaxes me i feel like

you know it’s like when you say like when you talk

about how you

take a big shit and then you’re like i can’t believe

i had this shit me that’s how i feel like the sperm is

controlling me

no for sure but not when you do it five times

for one shot yeah one shot

a day even two shots a day make if you’re feeling crazy

you know you you just got a

text message from your ex

wife and she’s having a hard time with her husband and

you think i

should fuck this

dirty bitch you know i hate her and took all my

money and just beat one off real

quick you know you

might get a

second one out of it it’s

exciting right but

other than that

one is one a day is all you need when you

start jerking

off five times a day you’re just a fucking weirdo you

know what do you do i used to get blisters on my dick

from jerking off

and i really

would just hold it another way i

would figure

out another way

no i did man i did

on two separate occasions in my life

i jerked off so much that i developed like a little

sore spot on my

dick so stupid

there’s no way you could be

enjoying that

like why you jerking off that much yeah

cause you’re fucking

crazy i mean that’s what it is it’s like

you just get it in your head that you have to

jerk off when i used to fuck pillows what was so bad is

because i never used my hand i

would fuck pillows

the worst is

watching my mom like

you drool so much when you sleep

and i’m like what are

you talking

about she’s like go in the laundry

room and she’s like taking off pillow sheets that were

sticking it

to it and you just look at my pillow

and it look like you know fucking

raindrops has for

sure touched your load oh totally how does that feel

i don’t know i just can’t believe how this how

weird is that your mom has touched your semen yeah

well she made it

that’s true it all

came from her

right she cooked it up inside of her

if it wasn’t for her you wouldn’t be

alive you wouldn’t have any sperm totally

and jesus i just got a 3d tv one of those new

yeah you were telling me

about this and you

watch porn on this yeah i watched how does this

work so explain to me this is what company makes this

this is a samsung tv

cause i saw sony but

the sony said it’s not even out yet the sony’s not out

until summer it was

very impressive though

right yeah that samsung what it does is

i got a 3d tv and a 3d

blu ray player

and it converts

first you could

watch anything

on tv any show any tv and it will convert

it into 3d if you want to how the fuck does it do that

you know it has like a

smart technology

where it detects what a

background is and what the main character is

and it tries to layer it

and it does a really

good job actually i was so impressed i thought it was

gonna be like bullshit

but it was like i

watched bill and

ted’s excellent adventure and it looked

like it was made for 3d that’s insane

yeah it’s pretty crazy

you wear goggles

yeah you wear

these little

glasses and what

are they gonna fix that well supposedly that they

were already invented the

technology to do it and what it does it’s like this

great that goes over your tv

and it detects

where you’re sitting in the room

and it kind of like

splits the images up for you like from left eye to

right eye and it makes it 3d but it’s too expensive

right now they said that in the next five to

eight years you’ll

start seeing

it coming out and then it will be integrated into

television right

a part of it

right and what’s weird

about it is

is that you

using the 3d you immediately get it

like i get it like

you’re going to have a tv that’s

gonna be three

dimensional soon

where it’s gonna look like you’re a window but you’re

gonna be able to

kinda you know

it’s crazy when you

start really getting it

now just tvs themselves are insane we’re

just so used to it

the just the idea of capturing image

capturing any image

and i mean you’re literally

taking a snapshot of what’s in

front of you and somehow or another you can send that

yeah you can put it in a

and you don’t even have to connect it to anything

it goes from your

phone and it can go to the

whole world you put it on flickr

and someone in

nicaragua can look at it

not to mention that tvs are like this

skinny by the way yeah

and so pretty soon you’re just

gonna have a

look at an ipad 3d

how nuts is that those

things are fucking crystal clear yeah

those didn’t

really awesome image

it’s this little

skinny ass thing like a

piece of paper yeah you know it’s like a couple

pieces of cardboard

stacked together right

fucking nuts man tvs today

you know you go and look at

these tvs and just

think about

how long ago it was that you know you had like this

stupid looking like

rounded circles

rounded edges on the corner and it was big

as fuck and you had everybody had to help you move it

did you have

those when you were

did you remember what my

grandmother used to have like

where it used to be a record player on the top

and then the

speakers on the side

cabinet yeah

and it would

open it tv oh

yeah and it was

black and white and it

was tiny it was like

fucking smaller than your laptop

right it was like a

piece of furniture

you know it was a coffee

table that was

super long yeah and

that was just a lifetime ago

i mean that’s what my

parents grew up with my parents grew up with that shit

that shit’s bananas it is

it’s pretty fucking insane

where technology is headed

but it’s just as insane just thinking

about where it’s gone

if you ever wanted evidence of evolution

its evolution seems to be a pattern that

everything follows

you know people wanna get

angry whether or not evolution

exists and whether or not

evolution is real and

very few people even

truly understand the argument it’s

a very very

very complex argument but the argument really isn’t

is there a god

the argument is

everything seems to evolve

every single

thing seems to change

and human beings are

the clearest example that just

based on our culture

if you look at just the shit that we have now

in comparison to the

things we had a few years ago

and the movies if you like

watch movies

and listen to songs from like the 40s and the 50s

and then you listen to some

new shit even if you don’t like most new shit or you

think it’s stupid or you think it’s

i’m with you on all that but

just the technical

level that they’re able to

the kind of

music they’re able to make now

it’s very very different

it’s incredibly

powerful you

might not be into pink

listen to a goddamn pink song

and then try to go like

back in time

and listen to some jefferson airplane

and shit and see the like the how they recorded it

even if you love that song it’s like the

they did a terrible job of like putting it all together

you know like

the evolution of

music the evolution of

television shows

like try watching father knows best

try watching any of

those fucking

stupid movies from the 50s

those goddamn

things are terrible

they’re terrible

it’s like everybody

falls in love immediately the bad guy

super obvious

everything happens it’s so corny and phony and now

it’s very clear that

things are moving in a certain direction

but everything is not

everything though like when you go to a gas station and

you prepay for like 20

bucks in that last

dollar slows down slows down

why does it do that

because they want to make sure it

doesn’t go over you

think they need

technology to

fix that no because when you undo it yourself you

could just turn it off like that and it’s like

three cents bam

you know what i mean

they didn’t want you to go over because if you go over

just a little bit and everybody goes over just a little

bit and you add that little bit all together it’s

probably millions of dollars no but there

should be a

technology where it just turns it off at this time

well really the problem is

the the real

technology issue is that this fucking fuel

issue the real

technology is the gasoline

thing we need gasoline to make

every single

thing on this

earth and we need gasoline to move

now that’s the real technological

that’s the hurdle the hurdle isn’t

your last dollar

when you’re pre paying for gas

the hurdle horses

the real hurdle is the fucking oil

you know that’s some frightening shit man

what there is

things what my

point was there is

things that you’re just i’m amazed

that you know

such things are so different

you know from 20 years ago

other things like that is just like come on gas pumps

well yeah i hear you but

i don’t think overall i don’t

think it’s important for that

there’s no innovation as far as like the fuel that’s

you know eventually they’re

gonna have to come

up with something new and then when that happens then

then then we’ll

reach some new

point where you know we have to abandon

gasoline entirely but they’re

gonna have to make some

gigantic discoveries

but that’s so possible man

people don’t even

think about how possible that is they

could come up with

some new way to fucking make hydrogen tomorrow and it

would change everything

you know or some

other new type of

new way of making

batteries that makes batteries last longer

they could figure out some

weird shit man and then instantly

everything changes

yeah battery

technology is

slow as fuck i mean mac just released a new

refresh of their macbook this week

and it added

two or three more hours

to the last model

so that’s x8

that’s pretty

good that’s pretty good

but usually they do that by

making the batteries larger and making it so you can’t

pull them out yeah but they didn’t with this one really

it’s a replaceable

no this is the same size i mean oh okay no i mean they

didn’t change anything yeah the new macbooks can get 10

hours supposedly yeah nine and 10

hours i have

this 17 inch macbook

pro whatever it is

but this thing

doesn’t get nearly as much

as they say it does if you were like actually using it

i got this one

which was a last

model you know

and this gets

it’s supposed to get five

hours i get two

hours and this is a

brand new battery

yeah well it’s like you have to like turn the volume on

the brightness on the

screen way down

you know that saves a lot of it

you can’t be

cranking volume you can’t be watching

movies if you use wi fi

it eats it up if you have a cellular card it eats it up

but yet the

ipad seems like you can do all that and not even take a

dent to that amazing

that’s a fucked up battery

what’s up with that battery

that battery is

crazy dude i use that battery for a

whole weekend

it says like 50

i know they

should just get like

three of those batteries and then

yeah when i’m in a

hotel dude i sit with that

thing i get on the net

and i’ll do it for

hours you know

i’ll read i’ll even

write some shit on there

write like little notes

and then i look at it it’s like 96

batteries i’m

still liking

that ipad by the way it’s a pretty cool little

thing man that’s the future son

the future is some new fucked up

thing that’s even

easier to transport around than that cause that

right now is

the portable typewriter of the future

you know it really is

god i miss typewriters

did you type on a type oh yeah i had to do it for

school and you know

you make a mistake

and you have to like take that white

marker thing

you know and go over it and

what a fucking pain in the ass must have been to

write a book back then yeah

yeah actually

click click

click click

click click

click click

that tv though has this that new

three d tv i got has this

thing called two hundred

forty megahertz mode it’s auto motion plus mode

and it is the most fucked up

thing what it

does is it it’s so fast that it actually makes up

frames in between frames

and what the outcome is is

awful it makes any show or any movie look

completely fake

like when you watch

if you take titanic

and if you sit there with a

movie camera and film titanic

it looks like a

movie because it’s a

movie camera

you take it that same

scene and record it with a

video camera

it would look fake and

kind of like cheap and

stuff right

that’s what this does though to

every show so you sit there and watch lost

or anything

you get pissed off because it looks like a soap

opera isn’t that kind of

weird that video

like people that don’t use video for

things and one of the reasons is because it makes

stuff look fake

yeah i make

stuff look it

doesn’t look as cool

but what it means is it

doesn’t look as good yeah

exactly it’s not as

clear an image

right it’s it’s

not as foggy yet it’s also that you can

focus like in film you can

focus on the guys in the foreground

whereas video kind of just captures everything

right and that’s what this tv does is it takes each

frame and makes

everything in focus

so it makes

everything seem

really phony

like if you

watch loss it looks like a soap

opera from mexico

i mean it’s fucking

great it ruins everything

so i don’t know why if

samsung made that mode

but i want to get

that now i want to make

everything look fake that

sounds awesome

pretty bad man i want that though

oh yeah it sounds like

more fun what’s

great is doing it and not telling somebody and

going dude what’s your favorite

movie godfather

okay let’s watch it okay

this doesn’t seem as good as i remember

it like it will make you free

even a godfather

oh yeah old

movies like that any movie

so it’s some sort of a software

thing it’s a it’s a it’s a

it just takes every

frame makes it a hardware

conversion yeah it’s a hardware in the in the

tv so the tv

is actually making you

could take an old

movie and it will add

frames to it and make the

it makes it look

it speeds it up

to the point

where it adds

extra frames

it’s kind of like a really fast monitor

you know so it

doesn’t look fast or anything but it looks

crisper and

clear and it looks crazy

how much time do you

think there is before

they make movies just

completely artificial that look like real movies

where it’s like

you know like a

video game like video game

style like what was that one

movie they did

where they did a

whole movie like that

final fantasy

final fantasy

is that what is a sci fi movie

but it looked kind of fake

you know kind of

goofy looks really fake now too

yeah now it looks

stupid as fuck right

but back then it was like wow this is kind of

impressive what they did

yeah not really good enough though to warrant making a

whole movie right but

how many more years are

gonna go by before they can make like humphrey bogart

movies yeah

like make a fake

humphrey bogart

movie recreate his voice

recreate his intonations is

you know that’s

gonna happen

right yeah i

think it’s only a few years off they’re

gonna be able to make porn

with anybody

they’re gonna

be able to make any

sarah palin

hillary clinton

are gonna have

lesbian porn

they’re gonna fuck each

other and fist each

other fuck yeah

that’s gonna be a

video game choose your character obama

it can look so realistic

but totally be unrealistic

like it could look exactly like hillary

is just armpit deep

into sarah palin’s

pussy just punching

it i mean you

could make that

splattering just pussy

juice all over the wood

whoops i killed a mic

splattering pussy

juice all over the wall

you’re gonna be able to recreate that yeah

yeah biowolf

was another one that somebody just said that beowulf

yeah it was terrible

i liked that

movie it was alright but it didn’t look real

it didn’t look real at all

but it was cool it was a fun little fantasy movie

i think they

should have

done the lords of the rings that way actually

the lords of the rings like

gollum is fake

but everybody else was real it’s like

there was some fake shit there

that was hard to swallow even though they were awesome

movies don’t get me wrong

i think it would

be even cooler if the whole

movie was kind of fantasy

i don’t need real actors you know

plus real actors look too

human to me

i want a hobbit to be fucking

weird looking i wanted

to you know

i don’t want you just be some dude wearing like

furry shoes

right that look like feet but yeah i just watched

alice in wonderland last

night and that was actually kind of cool how they

took real characters but they distorted them

made their heads bigger and

smaller yes

that was cool yeah

the the main

the queen of

hearts who was that lady what’s that lady

helena bottom corner

yeah she had the big

giant fucking head that was pretty

trippy i love

that cat too yeah the cat was badass but that was a

movie to only go to see if you’re really high

you know it wasn’t

okay it wasn’t that

good it was not good

it was interesting

cause i was

barbecued i

ate a pot cookie

like an hour before i went to see that

movie so when i went to the

movie i was just by the time the

first frame

started to film i was

full blown i was like

which is completely

blown out so it’s fascinating

that the cat was really interesting

but like as

like a plot and

everything it was like

so he didn’t

give a shit he didn’t give a fuck what happened

but yeah getting really baked and watching that

your favorite

movie get fucked up by that motion plus

thing you should check it out it’ll creep you out well

i can’t change my tv

that seems really

now that’s what the tv for back here is usually

3d one i don’t want to do it

and but you know what’s also cool

about it is how this tv

is so connected to the internet

like i hit a button

and it tells me like yahoo

news my gmail

my flicker i hit another button

and i got netflix and i got amazon

video on demand all through my tv remote like it’s yeah

yeah mine does that

vcr mind vcr

my dvd player

can download netflix it can

store things on netflix

it can stream things

it can go to youtube and

watch youtube clips yeah it’s pretty

crazy yeah i like it

yeah it’s the future son

the future is you

know shit like this i mean probably

there’s somebody

right now that can

watch this there’s probably

some sort of an application some sort of a way to

watch this on your actual tv

oh totally totally

i mean you can do it on your iphone

if this isn’t a real tv show

by the way i was

right here this

would be called dead air

and people would be yelling at us you’re

boring as fuck right now son

i was watching you guys last week on top of a waterfall

and it was so

weird it was like i’m in the middle of nowhere

in portland oregon

watching you on an iphone

did you do any

mess when you were out there in portland no

no but to tell you what man portland oregon

i was in a costco

and i always like to play this game when i’m

out of town

and i was like alright i have

15 minutes to find one person in this

store that i

would fuck you know

you get to fuck one person in the

store who would it be

and i could not find

one person in that

store not even like

like a mediocre person

until right when i was

walking out one of the employees she looked like an la2

and i was like okay i’ll pick her

cause i have to pick an

la2 yeah i have to fuck that one

wow well you

maybe have really high standards

no no i mean

it’s every single

person in portland

is fat there

they look very depressed and sad

they just and yeah i guess it’s the meth capital of the

world but yet nature

everywhere beautiful

everywhere you go amazing hot

people that live in portland don’t feel bad yeah i’m

sorry for that

brian doesn’t want to fuck you i didn’t meet

i did not meet you

yeah you might be the shit he

might have just got to a real ugly spot

kinds of armpit hairs on all the

chicks what do you think though about all the

not only that i’ve heard a lot of leg hair too

this is something i’ve read on forums where

women were complaining saying

you know that men should know that women have hair on

their legs and armpits this is silly yeah

i went to a sushi place

first sushi place i’ve ever been to

where they gave you forks

and then i was like wait wait where’s the chopsticks

and i had to go to the hostess

stand and they had to look for chopsticks

at a sushi place

like they were like oh you want america son

i know but you want to fucking go back to

china you can use those chopsticks

that’s what kind of

sushi place they have there what do you think

about all those people that get depressed

and want to kill themselves because it’s you know

sunny five days a year

i believe it i

lived in ohio

and it was like that

every day and i wanted to kill myself and

i just wanted

to go to work and get done

with the day and go back home and play on the internet

and that was because it was

cloudy it’s just disgusting

outside it was gray

every day the sky was gray

you know how many

days a year

i’d say 50 60

of the days were gray the

other were partly

cloudy to sunny

but 60 was like gray sky

like nothing just

death yeah i’ve been there man i’ve been to columbus a

bunch of times doing

stand up and that’s what i found it’s

just real gray there there’s a

bunch of parts of the country that

are just real gray for like a long part of the year

that shit ain’t good for you

no it sucks

it’s weird right we’re kind of programmed

you know the

human body needs

a certain amount from its environment one of the

things we need is sunlight we

literally need

sunlight for vitamins we need it for vitamin d

but we also need it for happiness there’s something

about skies

that are gloomy that are depressing

and it’s like encoded

into your dna it’s like your dna is telling you hey

you’re living in a

place where it’s

gonna be uncomfortable

you’re gonna get drenched you’re not

gonna get that vitamin d that you need

but if you can get past that

you’ll be okay if you can go to the sun and get the

sunny parts then you’ll be

happy like you can literally

literally changes your

state to be in different weather

you know like physically changes it

and if you live in a

place where it’s just

you don’t get that sun you don’t get enough of that sun

yeah and it’s also

different people have different needs too i

think genetically

you know i bet if you’re black

i bet living in a place

where it’s never

sunny is fucking terrible i bet it’s terrible for you

cause like the

whole dark skin the

whole dark skin is supposed to be

in response to

bright sun and

you know living in hot climates

really yeah dark skin like brazil

you know they’re dark skinned and that’s supposed to

be because they have to deal with the hot sun and you

know in that kind of a climate

and if you go to

places like siberia people are pretty fucking white

it’s because no one’s ever outside in the sun

you know what i mean it’s like

you get you grow accustomed to it so

maybe if you’re a person that like

you know is like

got super pale skin it

would be way easier to live in a

place where it

doesn’t get

sunny you know

maybe there’s like genetic needs hmm

very possible

right yeah i mean i wish i knew

about those

lights before though when i

lived in ohio like there’s the sunlight

lights have you

heard of those and those

their artificial lighting

yeah they have

alarm clocks that have that

built into them

really i was

thinking about getting that’s a

trick though

it’s a trick

how the fuck

would that be as good as

going outside on a sunny day

sunny days are awesome because everybody else is

happy too right

i guess that’s the

trick when i

lived in boston

i appreciate the fuck out of

those sunny days

but now in la you’re just so used to it it’s like

sunny days are just what you get

every day it’s actually the opposite

today it’s cloudy and

you get fired up when it’s

cloudy you get oh we’re

gonna get some nice rain

because it literally is sunny here

360 days a year almost

i mean it’s fucking

crazy how many days a year i’m exaggerating

but it’s maybe 320

yeah right it’s pretty high

definitely there’s sometimes there’s like a

month though that it rains like every day

sometimes like

every other year tears

yeah it’s fucked up

you can you can get used to that

but it’s terrible for your skin

you know in

australia when i was in australia they have all

these ads for skin cancer

cause australia

doesn’t have a fucking ozone layer

remember when there was the big hole in the ozone

layer worry

well it’s all over australia

and apparently australia

doesn’t give a shit

but they have all these ads

everywhere you go about um

being careful

because if you

go outside without sunscreen on you

could get skin cancer so they have

these really

graphic skin cancer ads

on the side of buses with stitches and shit you see big

pieces of meat cut out of people

i hate that like

where when you get

cigarettes in

like canada and it shows like some guy with

throat cancer on the back of your box yeah

just like that

england’s rough

about that too

you see people smoking

in england they have big

giant warnings in the back of

their cigarettes

but you need that son look at you you got illnesses

right now you’re

ready to die

brian’s been shitting blood no

it’s sitting

black it’s blood

right isn’t it

blood stomach ulcers

brian’s got a stomach

ulcer he’s fucked

it’s great i have this doctor then

i was talking to him

today and he’s just like so what

your stool is

black and i’m like yeah so last

night i felt like i was gonna

throw up i haven’t

ate in 24 hours

and i feel really

lightheaded and my stool is

black he goes

man we need to get you to the emergency room quick

all right i’m

gonna call you back and

schedule an appointment

and i’m like okay okay and he’s like and you’re not

gonna be able to

drive home i’m like all

right that’s cool

four hours five hours

later he hasn’t called me back so this is going on

right now as we

speak i might

just die right now what kind of a

trooper is brian

this dude is

bleeding out of his butthole

and he’s just hanging out with us

it might be stomach cancer

somebody just said it

might be cancer

i don’t think it’s cancer now you don’t

smell like you got cancer

you smell like you got some also

where’s your dogs at you

should let your dog

smell me growling

at you growling

at your asshole like angry

imagine a dog locks on your asshole

yeah oof it’s happened

it’s happened before

there’s dogs that can

smell cancer

they can take test tubes

and align this

like you know they do this

test with them

where they just have this big

giant like 20 yard line and

down the line

there’s a different test tube and you know at

increments and each different test tube has a different

thing in it and that they’ll go

right to the ones with cancer

and they bark that’s

crazy that’s nuts they can

smell fucking cancer

i love that i love that

whole thing

where there’s

stuff we don’t know

about things like dogs and like that or

just that do they know that and like

earthquakes

just the fact yeah

they know tsunamis are coming they go run

i mean in the thailand

tsunami the

last big one that happened very few animals died man

if any i think the animals all escaped

they all saw it coming and got the fuck out of

dodge like way way in advance

because they don’t have a language

i think that the

earth itself probably has some sort of a language

and if you have a language yourself you know like

human beings

do we have this ability to communicate we’re so

wrapped up in communicating with ourselves

that we don’t

receive any communication from animals or from

plants or from the world

you know i’m not talking

about like words like dogs talk to you

but you ever

meet a dog and you know you can’t fuck with this dog

you ever meet a dog and you’re like what’s

going on buddy

and you’re looking

at him and he’s looking at you and you’re like okay i’m

gonna get the fuck away from you

that dog is sending

somehow or another i mean

it’s not even

his demeanor he’s not growling at you

but he’s just

giving you a look and you’re getting a message

he’s communicating with

you but you got all sorts of shit inside your head the

stock market and your divorce and your fucking homework

and this and that and language and english and i’m

learning spanish and

you got all this shit

going on your head

i bet the earth itself actually has

some sort of

a way of communicating with beings and with animals

that don’t have languages

like they can tune into shit that we can’t tune into

you know that’s how dogs can smell

things and tune into things and

i mean they have a

super super

super powered senses

if they can

sense that they if they have cancer you know

right well that’s

maybe they can you know

maybe we don’t they just

can’t communicate yeah

you know but dumb dogs you know

it’s funny when the doctor was asking me if it was

black and i’m like i don’t know it’s like

very dark dark

brown he goes well dark

brown and black is

completely different

and i’m like it’s not really different

i’m like do you want me to take a

photo of it and he goes no that’s not necessary

well are you talking

about 10 000

difference like if i say no it’s

black are you gonna

make me go to the hospital and do all this shit

that’s why i

just don’t get doctors you know that’s like

well he’s just probably

tired of people man yeah

every day deals with people that are broken

could you imagine what that

would be like

that’s like psychology

i was a psych

major for a

while in college

and i was thinking like

maybe i should be a

psychologist i give people good advice

and then i thought about it

and i was like you’re

gonna be dealing with fucked up people every day

every day you’re on fucked up energy

the best you can do with

these people is make them not fucked up

you know that’s the best you can do

but you’re not

getting any fucking happiness and joy and

excitement and

all powerful feelings all day

creativity you know

you’re just dealing with fucked up people and some

people want to do that some people want to help you and

good on you good on you

but man that

would have to be a fucking drag

and also in la i

think it’s completely

worse like if you’re in columbus so

self indulgent

out here yeah and plus there’s so many people

so many people

and so many people trying to do something

completely unrealistic

how many people out here want to be famous

you know and i live

out in the burbs and you run into people and you don’t

think that they’re the type and then

as you get to know them you find out oh i came out here

to be an actor didn’t work out then i got into plumbing

you know hey

you know i always want to be an actor

always want to do this and how’d you get your spot

i always want to do that man

how’d you get on that show

i just wanted to do that and you find out that like

literally like

you know the

percentage of people that move out here for

even in the back of

their head they have some

weird show biz

dream it’s like fucking

sixty percent

you know that’s a

completely unrealistic number if you think

about how many

people there are out there that actually become

famous from acting

especially acting man

i mean it’s fucking who

who’s to say

you’re a good actor and how the hell do you get good at

pretending to be someone you’re not you know i mean i

guess there’s some methods to it and i guess

you know it all depends on your personality

what kind of energy you’re packing inside of you but

then somebody has to

agree to put you in a

movie and somebody has to

agree they like you and

what are the odds that’s

gonna happen

fuck man so

those people are all

they have these unrealized

dreams and that fucking

chips away at them

and then the reason why they wanted to be actors in the

first place a lot of them is

because they’re fucked up

because they didn’t get any attention as a child

oh i coughed up i got

i was kind of

broken up with the story

they didn’t get any attention as a

child which

is the same reason why people become comedians and you

know any kind of extreme attention performer like that

you know so then you’re dealing with like

so many people with that

so many people with problems

so many people that need to be fixed and

just give him some pills

just give him a fucking pill and shut them up

you know after a

while i think

these doctors

could just tired

just tired of dealing with shit

could you imagine being

the guy who has to deal with your problem every day

every day someone

comes to him and he’s got some sort of an ulcer

or something

especially when it’s like a butt doctor

you know can you imagine

what that is like seeing buttholes all day yeah you

gotta fix some

you gotta fix some yeah

nobody’s coming in with the perfect

butthole and you’re like i have good news for you

your butthole is perfect yeah

now if you’re

going to see

the butt doctor you got a butthole problem yeah fuck

you could be

dehydrated it depends what

color your shit was do you

drink a lot of

water yeah i had two

gatorades already

today so i’m not dehydrated

that’s not one and did you know that you

could pinch your hand and you

could tell if you’re

dehydrated if your skin goes back slower you know

did you know that

that’s a good way to tell if you’re dehydrated i’ve

heard about that from dudes that

cut weight yeah

yeah when they know that they’re

ready to die

yes they cut so much weight that

their their

bodies failing on them

well a lot of guys who cut weight

get really crazy with it like

they’ll go down from like you know

there’s dudes that go from well over 200

pounds and they go all the way down to 170

yeah like thiago

alvez you’ve seen that guy before

right he’s huge

when i stand next to that

guy i cannot believe that that guy gets to 170 pounds

he’s so much bigger than me i

weigh 185 pounds

and that guy is

way bigger than

me he is gigantic and somehow another he

dries himself out totally

to one seventy

gets on the

scale and then rehydrates

and gets to like two hundred

pounds by the time

it comes to fight

it’s crazy i don’t know how they do it yeah

i don’t know how they do it

but it’s dangerous

and when dudes are

like at that last

drop you know i mean

tiago’s never looked bad

but i’ve seen some guys look real bad it’s like

travis looter once

didn’t make weight for the anderson silver

fight and he was trying to try to try but he

could not cut the weight for whatever reason

and he’s walking towards the

scale and he was

shuffling because he couldn’t even pick his feet up and

and his cheeks were all

sunken in he looked like he was

gonna die his lips were all chapped and broken

and i was like whoa

this dude looks

like he’s in a goddamn concentration camp this is crazy

all just to be bigger than the other guy

what are you doing man

in the head you’re gonna die

losing composure son

pull it together

pull it together boy so um

we wanted to talk about that

the miss america

the miss usa you don’t want to confuse them because

apparently ones legit

mrs rogan was telling me that one of them is

legit one of them is important

and the other one’s silly yeah

which one’s

trump owned

they’re the fucking same

thing to me

right i don’t see how miss america

or miss usa but i

guess one of them is like the cooler one

and like miss usa

wishes she was

miss america or miss america wishes she was

miss usa right

and the other one is like cheesy

yeah one’s like hooter

girls i heard

one of them i

think has you have to like talk

and give like a

speech and shit

and the other one you just fucking

flare your baton

and miss america

what’s it called flip your

what’s the word flip

your for batons

flip your lid

all they are is who i’d most like to fuck contest

and the fact that we still give a shit

who wins the who i’d most like to fuck contest in 2010

that’s very strange

you know and this one is very controversial

because the last

woman you know who is in the big controversy

was that carrie prijan

check who hated gays

or didn’t want him to get married or whatever

she didn’t hate gays

i mean i’m just putting words in her

mouth she was just upset she

only thought regular

marriage she wasn’t she was opposed to opposite

marriage or she was opposed to

the same sex marriage but she

supported opposite sex marriage

let’s say that’s how she

described it like opposite

marriage here’s a train wreck

well she was just a dumb

chick who’s hot you know

if you’re a dumb chick and you’re hot

how hard is it to have your shit together

virtually impossible

you know you’re around people that

tell you’re

awesome all day long everybody wants to fuck you

you have you don’t even know what

color the sky is

what the fuck do you know you know

could you imagine one of me must be like like

how hard is it to be enlightened and to be free

and to be like

without ego if you’re a hot

chick in like your twenties

dude everywhere you go everyone

treats you like you have the willy wonka golden ticket

everywhere you go

guys are willing to

leave their

wives they’re

tripping over themselves they’re trying to buy you

things or trying to take you out

everywhere you go

it sucks dating

those girls too

why does it suck because

then they’re so used to a certain way that you’re

you know what i mean i could say

gotta keep the pin

pants strong son you

gotta fuck em

right and then don’t call em

just make em

make em know

the game’s different now okay

i’m not that 60 year old man that bought you a ferrari

alright i’m here to give you some dick

and then we’re on

equal terms

we’re not getting crazy

i’ll have to buy you

things settle

the fuck down

they’ll get mad if you don’t buy them

things though right yeah

you don’t care the last boyfriend cared

look what he bought her he bought all

these diamonds

you bought her all

these things and

they get to

walk around with them and the walking around with them

is very important it’s more important than having them

they want everybody

to see that someone loves them so much they

spent all this fucking money

so that miss

usa check that

she was a big problem because she

didn’t like the gay so the fucking christians got all

crazy with her

and they were like yes you’re on our side

then it turned out she did some porn

she had made her own home

movies with a big

dildo and shit she

had a dildo

in her ass or something there’s all

these different versions of what actually happened

but she went into sue

she was trying to sue miss usa and she was like talking

crazy lawsuit talk

and they’re like really

let’s just sit the fuck down

we’re gonna show you this

video of you with a big

black rubber dick in your asshole

or whatever happened

strap on i don’t know

we just should clarify for the broadcast

we don’t know what exactly was on that tape but

apparently it was some

some shit that

you’re not supposed to do if you miss usa

which is hilarious

you’re in a who

i’d most like to fuck contest and it can’t even be a

video of you out there fucking

we can assume that you fuck but if you capture a video

that’s that’s in violation and you’re gonna

attract undo attention to our cause

our cause of

the miss who i’d most like to fuck contest like

what what the fuck is

wrong with people

when i was in high school i

would go to hooters

and just be

complete assholes we

would let go all right

since it’s called hooters we’re allowed to look at

their hooters so we’re just

gonna go in there and stare at

their hooters and not even look at

their face as a joke let’s

do it how old are you guys this is like 15 16 years old

and so we just go there and like the

whole time just staring at

their tits and they’re like

how rude dude

i hope you feel bad

about that now i do feel bad

about it when you get really

stoned does it

haunt you yeah

does when you eat like a brownie

chicken wing

you ever eat a

brownie and your

childhood haunts you you

think i did some douchey shit when i was in

yeah eighth grade

there was like this baby cardinal once

where it was like fell out of his tree and was hurt and

stuff and i just remember being a kid

throwing rocks at it and i’m just like

and it haunts me like that little cardinal

yeah me and

my friend tim

we went hunting for squirrels

and i was my friend

david we went hunting for squirrels with slingshots

and we tagged the squirrel

and he fell out of the tree and then we killed him

and i was like what the fuck

are we doing like why are we killing the squirrel like

why did the squirrel

do shit to me

you know just like we wanted to see if we

could do it and we did it you know

yeah we played squirrel baseball

throwing baseballs at squirrels on

power lines oh dude

it’s fun it’s so fucked up the

things you do

like you’re so inconsiderate when you’re 15

you know and then

i don’t think i was even 15 i was 14 and i

never did it

again i was like god i was like one

thing i was eating that squirrel but

i just killed

that squirrel with a marble i shot him with a marble

like for what

how stupid is that

you know you

learn from those

experiences and then

you learn from that terrible feeling and you

never do it

again but god i wish i didn’t have to do it in the

first place to learn that

you know some people are so fucking insensitive

like some people like how many people do you see just

throwing cigarettes out the window we were talking

about that all the time all the

time that’s that i mean so inconsiderate man it’s funny

i used to do it though

that really sucked when did you stop doing it when it

moved to california

really yeah

it’s like a

california thing

i think why did

california make you stop doing it

cause in ohio

it was normal

it was normal

and then california

i mean cops

would do it

you know whoa

really yeah cops

would be smoking a

cigarette while they’re writing you a

ticket and just

flick it on the ground you know what

the fuck is that

what is it about smokers that makes them

think that the

world is a garbage

because up to recently that was normal

you know right but why is that normal why is it normal

and i had a friend who used to do it he was

hey fucking

taxes they paid to

clean the streets

like that was his

thing he would

smoke he flick it on the ground

and i go why

don’t you just pick that up why do you have to

throw that on the ground he’s like hey fucking

taxes this guy

does his job

is it because it

decomposes is that what it is does have like compose no

oh man there’s a fucking there’s plastic in that

thing who knows what the goddamn

shelf life is on a

cigarette filter

cause i mean like

you know how you can like

throw like a banana out the

window and that’s not that’s a fucking organic thing

a cigarette

filter is not an organic

thing i mean there may be biodegradable

cigarette filters but

how long does it take them

how many of them are biodegradable

and how long does it take them to dissolve

flicking your

cigarette out the window creates jobs

yeah that’s what my friend’s argument was

someone saying that on twitter

that’s what my friend’s argument was

yeah he’s a fucking guy justice for a living

this is what he does just

clean it up

his argument was that

like there’s somebody gets paid to do it so it’s like

cleaning up at a restaurant

why should you clean up

you know you don’t

clean up the waitress is there to

clean up that’s her job

he thought the city streets

were there to be

clean so he

would just flick his

his ashes everywhere

yeah i just one of

things i guess i

never got i

never understood i just did just did

because everybody else did yeah

what did you

start to feel bad

about it you’re the one that made me feel bad

about it when we were at the comedy store i

flicked on the ground and you were just like pick

that up what the fuck are you doing and i’m like what

what are you talking

about you just don’t

throw it on the ground and it was

you who were like i was like really i’m being serious

yeah man i have a thing

for you were the

first person to say it though like

really ever no one ever told you not to litter that’s

crazy ever not from that cigarettes

no really yeah ever you’re the

first person to ever do that

i’m very i’m very sensitive about like

mess like believing

a mess like i don’t ever want to inconvenience

other people because i’m lazy and inconsiderate

so it’s like

i’ll never like

throw garbage on the ground

if i drop something i’ll

chase after a little receipt

cause cause i

wanna make sure that i pick that up and

throw it out

you know i’m very sensitive

about that shit i just

think that that’s a

gross fucking

characteristic of

human beings i don’t ever

wanna see that myself

that inconsiderate

like lazy litterer

you know it’s just a

gross characteristic

like we need to fucking move past that

i see people in fucking hybrid cars all the time

flicking cigarettes out the window that

tries me nuts

there was talking

about that we i did a

whole thing

about it like a year and a half ago in san francisco

yeah i was screaming

at them because i saw like four of them in a day

four guys in hybrid cars just throwing

cigarettes out the window it’s like

this is this is

ridiculous like what

what the fuck are you doing

what makes you

think that that’s okay and you’re you’re

fighting the oil companies you’re

trying to be conservative and you know with you know

gasoline and

everything like that and make sure that you

leave a small footprint and you’re throwing

cigarettes out the window

it’s weird i’m like that with a lot of

things where i’m like

i’m ashamed of myself of how i act like

especially when i’m in a

hotel room and i like

flick come on the walls and

stuff i’m like yeah fuck this

come on the wall do you do that yeah i don’t know why

you do that

still yeah i do

it all the time oh you’re

gross that’s what

deal is the

reason why hotel room has so many washcloths okay

it’s supposed to come in a few of those

you’re not supposed to be

flicking around i

think it’s because i can’t do it at home

oh you know what i mean

i went through my come

everywhere if you’ve ever seen those

television shows like inside edition

or whatever the fuck they are you know they 2020

when they go to

hotel rooms we’re

gonna take you into

hotel rooms find out what’s really going on

and they use like

black light and they find jizz

everywhere to

jizz and then on the

glasses i guess those

glasses they don’t really

clean them it’s just like that

the woman like

rinses it out and then puts

like a thing on it

so i guess they did it they

swabbed all these

glasses and like 90

of the glasses like

fecal matter

dude they took

the fucking

black light to this one

comforter and it looked like a jackson pollock painting

it was just all jizz

it was just

dried jizz all over this fucking

thing it was like a goddamn constellation it

it was disgusting there was just loads all over it

and they were like talking

about what the different

things was this is

blood this is

proud and they

were saying that it was one of them was period

blood they were very specific

this is menstrual

blood most likely

this is this is

sperm like what the fuck

you know if you think

about it that’s what you’re

sleeping in you know

what all the loads that you’ve

blown on hotel sheets and

those sheets just get washed they probably do a shitty

job what’s crazy is they don’t even wash the comforter

you know like

once a month or

something like that that’s the

thing yeah that’s

where all the loads are that’s what they

literally found the show

it was the comforter

and the headboard

you know especially

those those beds that have like a

cloth headboard

fucking boom

it’s just like like

like the back windshield and pulp fiction

josh walter

shut that dude that

that’s what

it is just loads all over that fucking headboard

what was that dude’s name kenny

i forgot you just shot

kenny in the head

that was the really uncomfortable

scene where quentin tarantino

tried to be down

and said the word nigger to

samuel jackson

and kept saying it i got a dead nigger in my

house like why do i have a dead nigger in my

house right

and it was like what

who the fuck talks like that yeah

you know who

there’s not even gangsters

even there’s no

white guys that’s that

talk like that to black guys

why do i have a dead nigger in my

house i mean that

scene was so fake

and it was so like

him living out some weird

white boy fantasy

where he wants to be able to say nigger to a

black guy because he

wrote it in a script

yeah you know

i used to be a big quentin tarantino fan but you know

when i see i saw that

tmz video you ever see that

where he attacks like the cameraman no

and he just came off such a

like a dick and i was

i’ve seen him come off really cool in

interviews i’ve seen him come on off like a dick but i

think he’s a volatile

god because he’s a creative guy and he’s probably

super fucking busy all the time and a lot of stress

and if you catch him at the

wrong time and you’re trying to talk shit to him and be

stupid he’s very likely to talk shit back to you and

come off all douchey

but you gotta

think what’s the situation

it’s not him forcing his douchiness on someone

it’s someone wanting to

videotape him when he does

wanna be videotaped

someone coming up

remember but i

think it was just somebody

damn i wish i

could find that link

right now i

think it was somebody

going hey a big fan of your

movies and stuff like that

he was just like

really yeah i

think it was something like that i remember

thinking wow

maybe just has a huge aversion

to all that

tmz shit you

know maybe that just

drives him nuts

i don’t know you

know i’m a big fan of pulp fiction i love that fucking

movie but then i read all that shit that

roger avery said

you know roger avery who’s in jail

he claims that there was like a movie that

quentin tarantino did

where he was a star in the

movie where he had this

whole scene

about top gun do you remember the

scene no he had a

it was a whole

scene in this movie

about top gun being a gay story

and this is why it’s gay and like

you know and

like he goes into this

whole rant well

apparently that was like

roger avery’s rant

roger avery

yeah roger avery wrote

killing zoe

which is an awesome

movie if you’ve

never seen it really interesting

cool crime movie

and he wrote pulp fiction with quentin tarantino

and you know they

would collaborate on things

and then you know he

would tell he

would say tell me as

these stories

he’s pushing slapped him

yeah well maybe that guy needed to be you

okay let’s play the

audio put it play the

audio and put it up to

microphone and it’s called

tarantino slaps a cameraman this is what it’s called

let me pause this real quick and

okay let’s play it

so he’s walking through this parking lot

what’s going on

here what’s going on here put that down what’s

going on here what are you doing

what are you doing can you not talk to me just for just

what are you doing don’t do that again

that’s that’s just hold on just keep going

are you so you know she’s not just a guy from

you’re actually paparazzi guy

yeah you know you can

yeah cuz you’re filming

yeah but if that was off i’ll be

whooping your ass up and down this tree yeah go

oh man

that’s interesting

and if you look at the

so if you haven’t seen it

it’s tarantino slaps a cameraman on youtube

and it’s some guy who gets douchey with him

i’ll put it in your chat on the u stream

but if you look at the the the the

other videos like the related videos like quentin

tarantino spits on some guy

on a reporter

well he doesn’t like to be fucked with maybe

that guy just came up to him with the camera and he

wouldn’t tell him what it was

about he just

sticking a camera in his face and

maybe he felt like he was

being violated and he felt like that guy was a dickhead

you know i mean look

i could see his

point you know look

when someone’s fucking with you like that you know

they don’t always

catch you in the most

perfect of moods

you know i mean he

could easily be involved in some big stressful fucking

thing with some

movie he’s doing and he’s in the middle of the shit

and then he steps outside some guys got

a camera in his face he’s like what are you doing man

why are you doing this

and the guy won’t say anything to

him or the guy won’t explain it to him and he gets mad

it’s possible

maybe just sense the guy was a douchebag

we’re not seeing the guy with the camera you know

i just posted it on my twitter redband com or redband

tarantino’s a bad

motherfucker well pulp fiction was an awesome

movie but i don’t know you know the the whole

roger avery thing is

that’s unfortunate

roger avery says that that

whole top gun rant was like his rant

and the tarantino

he said it in

front of tarantino and tarantino went and put in a

movie with tarantino

that’s what he does kind of like with his

movies like a lot of his

movies are like old stories that he kind of like redoz

right yeah well

you’ve talked about

earlier about the hurt

locker how that guy’s suing the writer of the hurt

locker saying that he took a

article that he did for playboy

i guess about his time in the

the bomb squad and they rewrote it into the

movie the hurt locker

and it’s really similar like the guy had

like blonde hair blue eye came from a trailer

the whole deal like his

story is exactly that story

but in their defense like how many guys in the military

are blonde hair blue eye come from trailers

it’s probably a lot you know

oh totally but the fact that he was actually a bomb

you know specialist

right detonation

specialist and this guy was as well

yeah and what’s

crazy even is

the creator of those movies

are supposedly

going to sue

thousands of

bittorrent users people that have downloaded the

movie illegally on the internet

and they’re

gonna go after all

these users

which i thought was

very metallic

y metallica

yeah like the old

now very mars

earlage yeah very douchey

do you think that that’s douchey i

think it is douchey well if it’s his

movie right

right if he’s losing

money because all

these people do you

think he’s really losing

money from it i don’t know i mean that’s an argument

right there it is an argument but it’s you know

look no one has a

right to it for free

that’s an argument as well

you don’t have a

right to be downloading someone’s work

these guys worked they did all this

you know time

pause time put all this effort

made a script

cast it got funding the

whole deal and all you do is just

press a button

on bittorrent and

you got it on your desktop and you

watch it for free

there’s something fucked up about that

it’s not like a band

you know like if you go see

a band you know like say if you download a band’s mp

threes and you got them you know offline

wire some shit

and then you go well i’m

gonna go support

these guys i’m

gonna see them you know in concert i’m

gonna buy the cd because i like so much

you know i’m

gonna become a fan of this band because i downloaded

their shit for free

is that really

gonna help you with this guy with this movie

i mean when’s his next movie

a fucking year from now or something like that

i mean are you really gonna be

excited to go see his next work is it advertise

him is it does he get any

of you stealing a shit depends if he was how good this

movie is and how good of a director is

if he was quentin tarantino

doing pulp fiction i downloaded that i’m like holy

shit i’m buying that shit on blu ray i’m following i’m

watching every

movie this guy does

you know what i mean

oh i see that argument

or you might just decide to

steal his next shit

right like oh

his next shit’s

coming out like you really do you support them

do you do that like if

you download something and you like it do you support

the yard absolutely

absolutely yeah i do too i

think that’s important man

it doesn’t happen

quite as often that it

should though i don’t

think you know like

do you do that with

movies like if you download a

movie and you

really like it do you buy oh yeah yeah totally totally

beowulf was one of them i download beowulf and how does

that work what if you have

a legal copy in your house

and then you also have an illegal copy on your computer

oh it should cancel it out but i don’t

think that’s how it works it

should totally

right yeah you

should be able to have a copy as long as you’re

not putting it up on some sites or something like that

if you have your own copy

what the fuck is

wrong with that yeah you know it

would be cool

if you got in

trouble and you’re like alright you’re

gonna go to

court for 100 000

but you have 24

hours to buy this

movie on dvd

yeah yeah that’s actually a good move

right that’s a

great move yeah

just sue everybody

but you have to buy it on blu ray in 24

hours it’s a

tricky argument man

it’s a tricky argument because you

know what’s

going on on the internet now

is that anything

can be broken down to ones and zeros i mean

these images

these videos

these song files

audio files

it’s all just ones and zeros flying through the tubes

and you know anybody

can put it up there and anybody can pull it down

and when you can convert a

movie and you know you do all the time

into something digital that’s downloadable it’s like

how the fuck do you control that

you know you have to just hope that you make enough

movie enough

money when the movies out

and that enough people get

excited about it to buy the dvd for all the

extra features and all that shit

but then people take the dvds

after their release they put

those up what i don’t get is a friend

of ours actually just got a letter from their isp

saying that um abc has

caught them really downloading a

bunch the joe

that abc has caught them for downloading a

bunch of shit and

and they’re

like this is just a warning nothing’s happening

right now but we just wanted to

let you know that abc sent us this letter and they know

about you downloading so

chill the fuck out

and what was

crazy is it wasn’t anything

it was tv shows

free tv it was like

lost and stuff like that it wasn’t even a movie

so but was he

downloading it illegally

yeah he was downloading them illegally you’re

not supposed to do that because

they have their own sites and there’s pay services

i know i just thought it was

crazy that they caught him for

free instead of

him getting caught for avatar

and did he do this through

bittorrent is

that how he did it yeah wow

they busted on that but

you know he’s one of those guys

yeah but you know he’s one of

those guys i don’t know if you do this either

but he’s one of

those guys that downloads a movie

and then keeps it seating for like two months

you know oh

really you know what i mean

cause i’m one of

those people like

he does that yeah

oh that’s probably what they caught him doing they

probably caught him

seeding the

video right yeah so that’s why they caught him

but see but

i am one of

those guys like once i download

seconds download

delete torrent

file you know and

i wonder how many people like do that like they look at

their shit and they go okay what how many

you know where were all

these coming from they’re coming from this one

and what is

this guy doing oh look at this he’s put up all these

things that we have

and it’s coming from this one user

let’s find out who this isp

belongs to i

think a lot

of people don’t even know how to use the torrent

system so like you get a lot of like

young kids or

moms that are like downloading sex in the city

and they just keep the torrent

going for life

what do they

do they get your ip from that or they find out your isp

your isp is your internet service provider

and the internet protocol is your specific

number that

everyone that gets online if you don’t

know this you have a very specific number it could be

static or it

could fluctuate it

could fluctuate if you have dial up like

every time you do it you get a different ip right

right so what it is it’s

these movie

places putting out

their own torrents

and seeds and collecting ip addresses from

like they’ll put their own

movies out really

so they put their

movie out on purpose to see if you download it i

think that’s how one of

their ways they are doing

it dude that’s the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard of

that should be

but see what they’re doing is

entrapment i

think that’s

a lot of it though

is if you download like i downloaded eminem cd once

and it was like all

these songs were loops

and i think it was like oh

it was like bait

so they put out shitty versions of it

well that’s ridiculous

didn’t madonna put out one

i wish i got a hold of that one i

would love to see that

because madonna put out one

where it was like her

music like her new cd

and she’s like if you fucking download

music i’ll kick your ass

something crazy

about that if you download

music illegally i’ll kick your ass

um speaking

that to me sounds like

you know just the fact that they’re doing that

putting out bogus versions of it or versions of

their shit where they can

track you from

you know it sound

and that’s that’s that’s

ridiculous they’re just

trying to arrest people and

scare people now

okay i think that’s dumb

think putting out versions of it to

track people like really

that’s like

that’s like

you putting out the bait you’re putting it out there

you know even if people are already down

you’re actually

putting it out there hoping people will do

things illegally with it

but it’s out there because of you

that seems to me to be fucked up

there’s a funny

story man about these

undercover cops

that arrested

other undercover cops

there was this

whole drug deal that was set up

between these

undercover cops that were posing as drug dealers and

these other

undercover cops that were

posing as as

fires to the drugs yeah

and these fucking

dummies they

they went to arrest each other

that’s so awesome

man i want to see that on video

they’re both

undercover it’s a

i don’t know what

state it’s in i want to download that the

erdel county

i don’t know what that is

i should find out just so everybody knows but the

story is that these guys

they went to

their superiors and they said hey

we’re about to make a

north carolina

they’re about to make this bust

so they said they wanted to find out if

they had anybody

else if somebody had anybody working undercover

and they always say no to that shit because they

could be dirty cops

and the dirty cops

could pay off drug dealers

so the drug dealers find out that

these guys are

undercover and they kill them

so they always say no

right do you have anybody

undercover no

so they say okay

these are not

undercovers we’ve

approved it let’s arrest them so

they use all

these resources

and the whole

thing is them

they’re the drug dealer

they’re the drug buyer

they’re fake

fake drug dealers and fake drug buyers arresting each

other we should get that

money back we

should find out how much that costs

right to do all that that you just did

i think rosco pico

thing you know

that’s a ridiculous cluster fuck

that’s one of the dumbest cluster

fucks of all time

undercover cops arresting

undercover cops

wow yeah it’s hilarious

what’s hilarious is that

volcano it’s like taking all those

planes and grounding

planes you know oh yeah

still right yeah and what’s

great is lindsay lohan was

out of town and she’s supposed to finish all

these alcohol

classes by tomorrow

and she’s just like had four more to do and she was

gonna come back

today and do

four classes in one day

she got grounded

because of that so now she’s

going to jail

really she’s

gonna go to jail because

she had to be here for that she’s supposed to be

here tomorrow and she’s supposed to have had all these

classes done and she can’t even get home to do it so

there’s that many planes are

still being grounded because of that volcano yeah whoa

yeah fucking

by the way when i was in portland how

crazy was it driving down the highway seeing that

mount whatever rush more rush more

what’s the one

what’s the one that blew up oh gee no

mount st helens you fuck

yeah mount i have

so crazy seeing that

thing in the

middle just this huge volcano yeah it’s fucking

crazy people died from that one right

i think so and they had

to is that an oregon or is that in washington state i’m

in washington

state but you

can see it yeah well

we were at we were on the corner of

i guess portland

and washington is like

right next to each

other so because we’re

going to washington

over this bridge back and forth all day long

i was watching a show on

tsunamis we were talking

about the pacific

northwest and how many

times over the last thousand years it’s been jacked

you know but

civilization

there is so recent we don’t even realize it

civilization on the pacific

northwest of the united

states has only been the last 300 years

you know so

unless you know i mean

before that

there was indians of course but i’m talking like big

buildings and shit

so like you know the

cycle of them getting hit by

giant tsunamis i mean this it happens

every thousand years or so the

whole side of the country gets hit with some fucking

one thousand foot high wave and

everything gets

crushed wow

i guess what

would tyler

dirten do com

looked up flights

and there’s tons of flights

still going on so she was lying

so she’s just

so she’s fucked even more oh the

dirty bitch

she’s probably

dylan coke didn’t want to fly he’s lying

sources say she can’t get a flight back to the

states because of the volcanic ash from

iceland airports all over europe are jam packed and

it’s impossible to get a seat is what she’s saying but

delta has five non stop flights from

paris to new york city

and like i guess they just went through and

found all these flights so

so the flights not only

there are flights but they’re not booked

i guess so that’s what did

tyler durden do

what would tyler

durden do he says that

the whole thing is very

funny that people even give a shit follow this you poor

young kid that’s all fucked up on drugs

you know and everybody

thinks it’s a funny

deal you know

do you know what you

would be like if you were hot and you were lindsay

lohan you’re 23 years old and you’re a

multi multi fucking millionaire

just out there doing drugs getting

stuffed every

night you know

he’d be fucking crazy too

who the fuck

would not be crazy i

wanna know what person

could keep it together as lindsay lohan

who who could who

could live that girl’s life

twenty three fucking years old looks like she’s forty

been doing drugs

and she was a little kid i mean who the who

could keep it together

you know became

famous as like a child

she went from

basically from like junior high

school to fucking

superstardom

multi millions of dollars totally unrealistic life

in the told the

whole time we’re supposed to developing

so you’re supposed to be growing as a

human being and

figuring yourself out being insecure and

establishing yourself in the

world what the

whole time that’s all supposed to be happening

she’s getting

millions and millions of dollars for being

famous and for pretending you know

who the fuck

could do that and do it right

the jonas brothers

miley cyrus yeah right

those are ticking time bombs my friend

those are guarantees

those are social guarantees

no no doubt they’re

gonna be fucked up

corey haim and corey feldman neither

one of them

could stop from being fucked up

even together they weren’t

strong enough brian

together you know he

lived by me

i didn’t know that when he died

yeah he that when

all they like people were like

mourning him outside of this

apartment down the

street for me i’m like oh shit he

lived there oh really

yeah that dude had it bad yeah

drugs are a

motherfucker

people thought i look like him

growing up really hmm

i don’t see it no

no don’t say it

do you see it

i did back in the day really

so back to this this fucking

miss america

because what i want to talk about

is how many people are upset

that this miss america

chick is she’s

armenian i guess

something like that

lebanese sorry

armenians would be pissed right now karl

parisian was right here bro bro

bro you can’t fucking say

lebanese and say armenian bro bro

but this this chick

the most important

thing is that she’s american and she’s hot as fuck like

that’s the dumbest thing ever like

you you can’t be from another country you

you know your family can’t be from an arab country

and you can’t be considered an american

just because we have issues with arabs in

other parts of the world like

guess what fuck it

those aren’t the same people like what

how dumb are people that becomes an issue and that

these these are there people that are actually debating

whether or not she got this

job she became miss usa

because of political correctness

and the open

border nazis like look at some of the shit that

these people have said

like this check

right wing pundit

right wing pundit and fox contributor

michelle malkin

ranted that

the girl’s name is fucky

fucky f a k i h

i don’t know how to say her name fuck he’s

cheerleaders are too busy

touting the

identity politics horn

to care what comes out of her mouth

and that the miss usa

pageant didn’t

want to risk the wrath of the open borders mob

what the fuck are you talking so

you’re saying that one of the

other chicks

should have won the who i’d most like the fuck contest

and you’re upset that this chick won

because the reason why she won

is because everybody’s

super sensitive and wants to support arabs

like really

like how dumb is it that even miss usa becomes like a

topic of debate with

these fuckheads oh shit

like a political correction

topic of who

cares she’s fucking hot she can

be a terrorist she’s hot as fuck and she she grew up

going to catholic

school man i mean

how the whole

thing is so fucking poorly

researched and

you’re not even making any

sense so you’re saying that anybody

even someone who grows up and goes to catholic school

they can’t be on the team because

somewhere and

their past there’s someone

who lives in some

other part of the

world and those people are

still there and really

is that how we’re rolling in 2010

i mean america is a gigantic

group of immigrants

and this chick and her family obviously wherever they

lived sucked and that’s why they came here

and the fact that they

would actually

argue that she

doesn’t deserve

the win the who i’d most like to fuck contest

because of that i mean

if she was fat and disgusting

you know she was like some

susan boyle looking

chick and it was totally

ridiculous then i

could see the argument but

how the how the fuck

could you argue that that

chick’s not hot

you can’t what

else do you have to do to win miss usa what is

the what is the

i don’t know do you have to

dance do you have to talk

what do you have to do i

think you have like a bathing suit contest i

think you have to do like some kind of like

we definitely have to talk

because that’s how perez hilton

busted that carrie prijan

check she he

asked her about gay

marriage right

so you have to talk i

think you’re only allowed to have like

small nipples you can’t have the big areolas

you have to have like a certain

breed look kind of like a dog

this other chick gretchen carlson

bunch of hating bitches

bunch of hating bitches and all on fox news

fox news is awesome

why is fox news

still around yeah they’re awesome they’re awesome and

their stupidity did we already talk

about why how is

it that they are

how is it it’s news

how is it that

they’re allowed to call it

news but how is it that they’re so like

like that but yet they have some of the most

edgy cartoons and tv shows on

their shows you know like simpsons and family guy

and yet their news is so like

you know right wing

where rupert murdoch is

super super

super fucking rich

and when you

get that rich there’s only one way to be that rich

the way to be that rich is

you know you got to be a ruthless

motherfucker businessman

and that’s what he is he’s a ruthless

motherfucker businessman and when you’re like that and

super shrewd and ruthless you want conservative

politics you want people that are protecting your money

you know to be able to do

things that are

gonna earn you

money you don’t want to have to hear

about liberals and

wininess and fucking environmental

freaks and all

these assholes are gonna

stop you from you know

making a good return this

quarter you know and that’s what it is

when you get to be that

super rich and very few guys like ted turner

that are that rich you know

ted turners like this you know

humanitarian and

you know it’s

always like giving you charities and you know very

liberal and his network is

thought of as like a

liberal network cnn is like the only

i mean that’s the one that

i guess msnbc is pretty

liberal too right

but you know

you don’t watch

any of those new

shows cartoon network and that’s got it

i like fox news sometimes man i like

it just to know that there’s people out there like that

when i hear bill o’reilly in his fucking dumb smugness

i’m like there’s really a guy out there like that that

is that satisfied with himself and he’s fucking dildo

that got busted

leaving a message on his assistance machine

about how hot she is he’s a

total hypocrite

he’s a fucking

creep and you

know and yet he’s somehow another he’s

found this this

this niche on tv

where people

enjoy watching them this

niche is that what you

say nice and

these people

enjoy watching this fucking buffoon

rant and rave and yell

at people who go on a show and have dissenting opinions

you know did you ever see that one

where he went on

about some kid whose parents died in 9 11

and he was saying that it was

the kid was saying that this is bush’s

fault and the reason why they’re attacking us

and he just fucking went off on the kid

the whole thing was just so dumb

he kicked him out of there and it’s like

the whole the

way he has conversations he just fucking infantile

and you got to wonder whether or not it’s like is he

doing an act or is he that much of a douchebag

is it a combination of both and why the fuck is it so

entertaining

you know it’s like listening to christian

radio when you’re driving you know

it sued a lot of people like that bill o’reilly guy i

think this cause there’s a lot of

douchebags out there and douchebags want to hear from

other douchebags

you know one of the

things he had richard dawkins

on who is this

renowned intellectual and atheist

and he wrote

the god delusion

and a couple

other books

about religion

and he thinks that religion is bad and so he was saying

to richard dawkins now you can’t

prove that god

doesn’t exist

so i’m throwing in with god

like he literally said it like that

like you know

if it’s true and there is a god i’m

throwing in with god

you can’t prove that there is no god

which is like

you can’t prove there’s no

cheshire cat you can’t

prove there’s nothing

there’s nothing you can’t

prove anything

you can never not prove

you know especially

when it comes to like

things like people like science is

never disproven

you know the

existence of christ

you can’t disprove

someone’s existence

it’s impossible

like how the fuck do you know who

existed and who didn’t you know

science isn’t there to disprove science is there to

show me some evidence if science finds evidence and

they examine the evidence that’s what it’s all about

when there is no evidence and there’s no

way to determine one way or another you can’t disprove

you know you

could take something like the shroud of turin

and you know

they say oh this is

jesus’s burial

cloth it’s sacred and then you

could do well okay let’s take a little bit of this

cloth and find out how old it is

oh look it’s only

500 years old how

could it be

jesus’s cloth

you disprove it that way but

he’s fucking

dummy so this guy

you know has a huge presence on that network and

he’s got you know he’s like got the number one show on

cable and it comes to like

those kind of

stupid new shows

it’s a huge show

and it’s retarded

it’s so bad

don’t watch it is nancy

grace on that is she on cnn

or she yeah she’s on cnn

right i don’t know her she’s brutal

you know you fucked up if

nancy grace is talking

about you if nancy

grace is talking

about you there’s a dead baby

or you know you you

drowned your wife or something

right it’s something serious

there’s some serious shit and she will

hawk on the same subjects for weeks

waiting for the next disaster to pop up the news so she

could switch gears

she talked about

tiger wins for two weeks

can you imagine being poor fucking

tiger woods

just trying to tune in some cnn

find out what’s

going on in the world

and you got that hatched

face old cunt just talking shit about you

for two weeks

like you would have figured well she talked

about me yesterday she’s done no chance dude

she’s not done she’s not done for weeks she’s

gonna keep going

target see the

blonde hair girl yes

she any girl

she any girl

she’s a woman

blonde hair

whole she’s a

woman she’s an

older woman

i don’t know i mean not not that much

older but she’s older

she’s not that’s one

thing that fox news does well

they put on a

bunch of hot chicks

there are some hot bitches hot

angry mean bitches

fox local news

no i’m talking

about fox news period no

all fox news

the fox local news they’re straight up hookers

really talk to me tell me what’s

going on dude i have

collected a

bunch of clips about the

local fox news channel and not only does the weatherman

dance like every time he’s

given the weather

he does like a straight up

dance like he’s dancing

yeah it’s pretty hilarious

i guess they’re on my facebook i can’t yeah

you sent one

you put one of those on

the message

board and it’s

funny cause

i have about one

every time he does the weather right

and then like

i was out with that

why not right

why not let him fucking

dance but it’s so

funny how bad it is like there was the

other day something like it’s

gonna be wet outside there you know a lot

about wet don’t you tina and she’s like

oh that’s disgusting and really what they go there yeah

it was just like are you really

have you seen that

video clip where the

black guy is sitting with

these three

white chicks and they’re talking

about some new

grafton berg spot shot

it’s like a shot of collagen they

shoot inside a

chick’s pussy

they with a needle they jabber

fucking snatch and

stuff this liquid up there and

apparently it makes sex

feel better it like in hot

it in in it makes

the enhances the g spot wow and so they do this this

whole thing

and um the the

black guy goes well

so i guess she’s enjoying

penis now more

like he said that

and all three

chicks were like

uh yeah okay

yes she’s enjoying

sexual relations

again like you know she

tried to somehow know that

cleaned it up

even though

he used the

right terminology

i mean he used the medical terminology and he didn’t

say anything really inappropriate i mean that’s what

sexual intercourse is

right she’s

enjoying his penis

but somehow

i know the fact that he mentioned it it was like

he said fucking

candyman three times or something you know so and she

enjoys penis

and he’s black too

and so there’s this

black dude with

probably a half a hard on

three white

chicks talking

about their g spots getting pumped up

i bet he fucks them anyway that’s probably what’s

going on it’s probably

trying to keep it together but really fucks all

three of them

ladies let’s talk

about what happened on the air today

once you meet in my locker room

they go in his

dressing room

he’s got candles lit and shit pulls out that big

black fucking snake

and they all just go ass to mouth with them

i don’t like when you talk about cock

while you’re staring at me

you’re like

looking deep i wouldn’t be staring at you if you

weren’t looking away uncomfortably i’m

watching it on the webcam and i’m like oh my god he’s

really close to me

if that is that not the worst

thing that can ever happen when

chick breaks up with you

starts getting drilled by a black eye

there could be a lot of good scenarios might you know

this for a lot of dudes man that

black male equals

just sexual prowess that you will not reach

you know they they equal

big black dick and just athleticism and just just

just gorilla fucking your woman just doing it right

doing things to her that you can’t do she’s

gonna like it

she’s gonna love it she’s

gonna get addicted to that just getting stuffed

just you’re just gonna

stick your little fucking three quarter hard

sad little depressed boner in there and

thinking about getting

going to therapy and

maybe i should take antidepressants

maybe i just need to start yoga and jogging

he’s not thinking

about that he’s got a big giant black hard

monster dick

and he just and she’s so

fucking wet she can’t believe how wet she is she’s just

she’s leaving a big puddle in her

her dna is crying for that big giant dick

he’s fucking the shit out of her

and he does he ignores her

and doesn’t call her and so she gets sad

until she calls you up and

i’m sorry what happened it was a lot of it was my

fault and you know

i just we don’t have to look i know we can

never be together again but

could we just talk

could we just get together and talk

and you like hey what’s

the harm i ain’t got shit to do tonight and you go over

house and next

thing you know you’re on the

couch together you

start making out

and she grabs your dick and she

starts kissing you and she

squeezes your

dick a little bit like she’s looking for more

where is it

where’s the rest

is this what is it

and she stops

and then she goes we shouldn’t do this

because we shouldn’t do this

and then you look over on a

nightstand there’s this

fucking hulking

black guy in a

picture frame

that guy that’s

been delivering the dick to her for the past few weeks

and you just go who’s that

it’s nothing can’t they

fix that nowadays

isn’t there

technology to fix that like a gas pump they

haven’t fixed that

can you take like an

ankle out of your foot or something to

grow your dick yeah they cannot fix dicks

they can’t extend it they can take something

out of your butt and put it in there what they

can do though they can make a fake dick if you’re a

chick apparently chasity bono

who used to be shit when she is

still shares daughter

but now she’s a boy

because she went through a

sexual reassignment

and they give her a

bunch of hormones and they make her a dick

but i don’t think it feels the same

i don’t think it shoots loads

it’s gross is when they take the dick and make it a

pussy where they split it out like an apple

i’ve seen that what’s that you

really have man how

fucked up is your wiring

that you you don’t even like your parts you want to

switch to a girl part

you’re embarrassed you really wish you were a woman

do you think that they really are

women trapped in men’s bodies or do

you do i do believe that

but what about the possibility that throughout

their life they’ve just experienced

so much sorrow

and and so much stress

and so many fucked up situations and so much like

trauma in their life and on top of that

they’re probably gay

and they’re probably or at the very

least bisexual you know their orientation naturally

so it’s like this natural

sexual orientation

that leans towards homosexuality and massive

depression and craziness and

they just decide that they

wanna be a girl

that’s possible too right yeah

too much ibm nami

edamame makes you yeah

i think is there’s either or i

think i don’t

think it’s either or rather i don’t

think there’s any

one scenario but i

think with some people they become

you know it’s a man who becomes a

woman just because they’re fucked up and when

those people

late either yeah there’s fools

get some dicks from me

trick people

and then from

others i think

others are just you know less they just

i mean look

there’s a broad spectrum of

human behavior

it’s very very very very very likely to me

that somehow or another just someone gets a

wacky jean and they just shit why don’t i have a vagina

you know what the fuck

they just they have this feeling like

they’re missing something because they have a penis

but that’s a goddamn commitment

that is a goddamn i don’t remember what the

movie was but there were some movie

where there’s

this guy in a

tranny were yelling each

other you know

and and you know and she’s like

into the tranny was yelling at the guy and the guy goes

you don’t even have a dick anymore you’re so fucking

stupid you chopped off your dick

i just like

i didn’t chop up my dick i fucking turn into a pussy

and the guys like that’s not a pussy

that’s a dick

that’s a dick that’s been cut in half what

movie was that

i don’t remember but

we’re paraphrasing obviously because i don’t remember

where it came from but

some movie or something

but god damn that’s

gotta burn those words

you don’t even have a day you

chopped your dick off

yay yay yay

there was a guy who was a lady boy in thailand

it was kicking a lot of ass it was a tie boxer

and he would

go out a lot of lady boys in thailand

apparently and

this guy was a tie boxer go out there and fuck dudes up

you know and it was a lady boy

wear fucking

dresses and shit

but it was a dude so we get in there and

throw down fuck guys up it was a badass more tie

fighter but then he went to the operation

when you guys balls removed

and when you guys balls removed that’s a wrap son

no more testosterone a baby

the flow stops completely

he shriveled up and got a

woman like and

started getting fucked up

yeah i don’t know

how many fights he had as a woman

an actual woman

after they took his balls off

once they took his balls

off he was useless they beat the shit out of that fool

well that’s what makes you a man when you get

ball cancer and

stuff like that you automatically start

getting more

woman like i wonder

that’s a good question

you know i think with

some guys they wind up supplementing the testosterone

because their balls don’t work

you know i’ve

heard of bodybuilders

having to do that like bodybuilders get to a

point where

they shoot so much test into

their body that

their balls just shut down for life

their balls won’t come back

right so they have to like

give themselves testosterone shots

i was watching that

china porn the

other day oh

i was looking

for a video and

it just happened to come up and i was like oh i forgot

about this video

would you do that that’s like that mexican

drug dealer getting his head cut off did you see that

same thing to me

she has a huge dick

yeah yeah that’s a dick it’s a dick yeah

well that’s what i was saying

they can grow

you a dick and when they give you testosterone

your clit grows to the size of a thumb

it grows big like how big

would you think

her her dick is like two

inches long yeah it was pretty big it was like a thumb

yeah like two inches long

right she had a pierce too if i remember

oh no she didn’t really she did if i remember

dude she was on fear factor

and she completed this this

stunt and and

after she completed this done she flexed

and she goes

who’s the man

no way yes she did

that’s a ringtone

right there

yeah she said who’s the man

what bitch are you crazy

how crazy are you

would you have sex with her

if i had to yeah

yeah if i lived in michigan or some shit

standards lower

you know like

you lived in ohio you had lower

standards right yeah it happens

lived in portland

your standards would drop son oh

dude portland would be impossible really

you want to suck a chick with hairy legs

uh sure i’d

shave em but that was you shave em

first before you fuck

yeah that wasn’t even the problem though

there wasn’t even

like hot chicks with hairy legs it was no

chicks it was

fucking weird there was no mexicans or black what if

she refused to let you shave her legs

what if she’s like listen you have to accept me as i am

can you think you

could fuck a chick or

would you go

olivia newton john on our mega poop leg warmers on

i guess i don’t mind too much

if it’s like

light hair but like

dark hair like what’s that

that precious chick

her legs just make me want to fucking

throw shit monique

yeah i just want to

throw shit at her you want

throw shit at her like a monkey

what the fuck’s

wrong with you

splatter shit

it looks like tree trunks too

her fucking

husband that’s just like i like this shit yeah

sure you do dude just

like not working yeah

yeah you just like the money

makes money

you’re ridiculous

we’re talking shit

people everybody likes

everything yeah there’s people that like

things but man

if you if your girl

doesn’t shave her legs what does she do with her

pussy in her butthole

that’s the question

what kind of a fucking environmental hazard is that

thing what kind of a

wasteland what what kind of

odiferous reaction are you

gonna get when you get near her panties

all the the

funk of the nineteen

seventies of a fucking

just just animal hair just

fur butthole

and the inability to completely

clean everything

cause there’s hair all around your butthole so

every time you’re fucking

it just a slight

smell of shit

every single time

especially when

sweat starts dripping down there

and those big fat meaty thighs

start heating up and

body wants to cool them

down that perspiration

drips down to her butthole and just

waffs up some

fresh new fumes

and it’s pussy funk and old butthole hairs and fucking

toilet paper

dingleberries and

your nuts slapping

against it all and just

like your fan in the fires

and then right when you’re

about to bust a nut you look down her hairy feet oh

your dick goes soft

and her china

dick you gotta

close your eyes

and plug your nose the same time try to regain your bar

remember that

right that’s happy

happy pussies got to be so

gross we ever talked about that when we’re at the

strip club and i thought the young chick was

behind me and i was so drunk that which trip comes

remember oh my goodness

this is like 2001 in

brian’s defense this is a long long time ago

we were at a strip club and brian was happy hammered

and there was a woman who sat next to

brian and brian started making out with this woman

well let’s first talk about it

there was a cute waitress that

brian was flirting with this is what happened first

there was this cute waitress that brian was

flirting with and she was coming talking to him

and she gave him a drink and

and she said i’ll be back to talk to you in a minute

and brian was so shit

faced that he leaned back and closed his eyes and this

haggard old

wizard woman

this witch this this this bitch

just appeared out of nowhere

and the whole deal

attacked me or something like yeah like in her 50s

okay and not like well kept

like ragged

ragged in her 50s with

bad tattoos and a cut off

shirt like where her stomach was exposed

and there’s

stretch marks

from the 1930s on that fucking in her weathered

old leather

saddle of a stomach and her

voice with cigarette

oh right just

stinky breath

she didn’t have all her

teeth either man she was missing a couple of

teeth i mean it was

ridiculous so she sat down next to brian

and brian leans up

against her like this

when brian leans up

against her she grabs his head

and he turns towards her

and they start making out

i thought it was the way to

i’m like i gotta get this fucking kid out of here how

drunk is he this is ridiculous

like this bitch just

saw him hammered

and by the way we’re at a

table we’re at a private little table

so we didn’t

know her she just came over and sat down at our table

and no one knew her and she just came over

sat down like

she’s like a

monster and she

saw a victim

and she saw that he was weak

she saw that he was like so sloshed

he couldn’t

keep his shit together and he was leaning back

and when he

closed his eyes and leaned his head back

she just moved in for the kill

she made the physical contact

and he didn’t know he thought it was the girl

and she had an arm on him

like this so he just responded to the physical contact

thinking that it was his hot waitress

next thing you know they’re

hung in each

other oh and you have it on

video too oh yeah i got it on

video somewhere

don’t fuck around son

we both have shit on each other

so he’s tongue in this

chick and then

he looks at

her and he looks at her and he goes like this

in the middle of it in the middle of it he goes

he looks at her

and then he just turns away

and she’s like

touching his face and everything

and just goes like this

i gotta go to the bathroom and you get

up and go to the bathroom and she got up and walk away

and you came back and go

did i make out with that old lady

and we were like

what the fuck was that about you

dude i thought it was the waitress

i totally thought it was the waitress

like oh why didn’t you stop me

we couldn’t stop you how the fuck were we

gonna stop you

she sat down next to you you lean towards her and

that bitch just

planned it perfectly

how many times has she

done that i don’t know but the next morning when i was

driving her back to her hotel

she never moved in

again right she realized that you realized that

she took off right after that was her thing you

freaked her out

because you freaked out and she was like

she was like what the fuck did i do

like she realized that she had

tricked some poor young man dude

this is how

gross it was that the

chair i was on at a

strip club was a cloth chair

and i wanted to scrape the taste off my tongue so i

started licking and dragging my tongue on the

chair of a strip club

to get the taste of her mouth off of my tongue

is that bad

why don’t you just use liquor

i don’t wash just like

oh you were so horrified

it was hilarious it didn’t even seem real

it seemed like you were punking us

like you were doing a

sketch like you would hire this actress

to come in to make out with you

just to freak us out i remember looking

at your guys’s faces and you were recording me for one

i’m like why are they recording me that’s kind of rude

but then you guys were all

freaking out and i’m like

i just remember then looking at her like backing up

alone look at her and just

what an awesome strategy on her part she

recognized that you were ripe for the taking

you know she like

she smelled blood in the

water and she just plopped herself right next to you

took great goddamn story

actually deleted it

you did yeah oh

you tell i told you i would delete it you you’re

freaking out dude whatever you have that in your

private no no no i don’t have my

i did flashlight

you you freaked out

you the next

day you like we please delete that i said i’ll delete

it don’t worry

i showed it to you though

i remember i

showed it to you and you really didn’t even

watch it you

watched it for a couple

seconds you went no

god i hate that

typed up and looked away

dude that’s the

worst feeling the next day when you wake up from

being drunk and you’re like oh

it is the worst feeling

slap on the forehead well how

about like eddie bravo when

he gets really hammered

there’s like a couple times a year like two or

three times a year

well he will not remember the night

he really does not know what happens

every time i was like

every week at least

i don’t know i don’t

think it’s every week that he gets out a lot dude

i don’t know how many times he

blacks out when

you ask him he says it’s a few times a year

i believe him

maybe sometimes he forgets he

blacks out yeah he

blacks out about the

black and out

the best eddie bravo

blackout story i told this in my blog

this is a total true story

it was like

eight o’clock in the morning

our car was picking us up at nine we were in germany

and i get up someone get some breakfast so i call

eddie to see if he wants to get some breakfast

and he goes what’s up

that’s how he answers the phone

i go what’s i go are you

drunk he goes oh yeah

it’s eight in the fucking morning he’s hammered

so i go okay dude i go our car is

gonna get us in like an hour are you

gonna be ready this dude i’m

ready i’m just gonna

power to i’m fine i’m ready

so i alright alright i’ll see you in an hour i’m

gonna get some breakfast

so i go and get some breakfast

hour goes by

i call him he’s not answering

i call his hotel room not answering

i i have someone go

knock on his

door not answering he’s not in his fucking room shit

and i’m like did he

never come home

did he get lost

what the fuck is happening

god damn it

so i’m calling him he’s not answering i go outside

and i said well let me just

throw my luggage

in the car so i say to the the valley guy

i go there’s a car here for rogan

and he goes

joe rogan and i go yeah that’s my

worst german accent ever

that was german

what is that what was that indian or something

jorgen jo rogan

i’m now colonel clank

anyway this fucking guy

he goes joe rogan he goes

joe rogan just left i go no no i’m joe rogan he goes

no a guy said he was joe rogan

and got in your limo and left

i said what does he look like

he goes long hair and

tattoos i’m like that motherfucker

cause i knew is eddie

right there’s not that many long haired

tattoo dudes in germany right so i go fuck

so i call him up and he answers the phone

i go what are you doing what’s up

i go what are you doing you’re in my fucking car what

and he’s looking at his watch and

he just sir

where are we right now and the driver says we’re on

way to the airport he goes

i guess we’re on way to the airport

come back and get me

he goes how

close are we

to the airport he goes five minutes he goes

dude i go how long you been in the car for

he had been in the car for an hour wow

it’s like an hour ride was he sleeping

when i got off the

phone with him at 8

00 in the morning

he went down there the car was already there

just told the guy he was me

got in the car

and woke up

like an hour into the

drive on the way to the airport

woke up without any memory of the

night whatsoever

woke up in the car

with his phone ringing

it literally oh my god old man

he literally had no idea what happened he

doesn’t remember a fucking thing

about the night wow

that’s crazy

how terrifying was that be

to have like some like just like

litter of behavior

around you and you don’t even know

what you did like you created all this problems and

cause all these people to get all fucking

angry at you and shit you don’t even know what happened

you were just shit faced

blacked out gone

and then he had

to get on a flight like a really long ass flight all

the way back home with that hangover it took

fucking 11 hours oh that’s in germany

being drunk and hungover on a

plane is probably the

worst thing ever

and i hate it so much

what is it though

cause you just sleep

what what’s

the big deal well is it harder is it really like do you

feel like you’re at a high altitude when you’re on a

plane obviously you’re at high altitude but the

cabinet is pressurized

is there the same amount of oxygen there is

if you’re at

high altitude obviously not because like when you’re at

thirty thousand feet that’s like

mount everest like

you could fucking die up there there’s no oxygen

so that’s a

stupid question

all right so there’s obviously way more oxygen than at

thirty thousand feet

that’s a dumb question i can’t believe i asked it

i blame the weed

but when you’re in a

plane does your hangover feel any worse

to me it always does

and it’s usually

of course i have acid reflex

and all this shit that’s fucking with me so maybe it’s

worse you got a gremlin in your asshole

sorry gremlin my belly

yeah there’s something about planes man

even if you sleep on a

plane even if you you know you go and you come back

there’s something about just getting up there

traveling and coming back that

leaves you feeling fucked up

you just definitely feel a little off

what is that what is a

plane do you i think it’s the change of

pressure the pressure

i mean is it just getting in this tube with

you know recycled oxygen and everybody’s breathing

their own air is that what it is i don’t

think it’s that

because i actually saw a report saying that those

that recycled air is some of the best air

and it’s actually just like an

old wise to

tell that it’s

bad for you that’s actually the filtering

system in those

planes are so amazing that’s

really so what

the fuck is it that makes you so

tired from flying

because that shit jacks

you dude there’s no getting around it it jacks you

what i always

like to do when i land somewhere if i have the time

i always have a hard workout one hard workout seems to

reset everything

but if you don’t have that hard workout man

you’re gonna be fucked up for a couple

of days it takes a couple of days to feel normal again

what is it mmm

it’s not good

you know i was talking

thinking about this the

other day and it’s kind of on subject but

about workouts

where you say like how you know

how you can’t even imagine like to me when

jimmy kimmel was talking about this the other day

when he gets done working out

he does not feel great

he feels awful he wants to go

sleep he feels sad

he hates it and stuff like that

but when you work out you have the

exact opposite feeling you feel like fuck yeah yeah

you know you’re fired up and

feel great and you feel great and like a natural

i am like jimmy kimmel though

like when i work out

i’m not happy i’m like miserable

after i work out well why do you

think that is there’ll be two reasons for that one

cause you’re out of

shape and working out as painful

and then recovery is even more painful

you know but even when i was

inner shape

better in shape

and that would work out i

never have a were you ever in really good shape

yeah really yeah

i’ve been in shape

a couple times in my life like pretty good

shape so were you working out and you feel

i was working out every day

you know six days a week five

days a week but when you’re working on like what kind

of exercise you doing how much exercise you doing like

45 minutes to an hour of cardio

and then like

10 to 15 minutes of

that was my prime was

45 minutes no

you like really fucking

sweating and heathen and oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

but i never

never enjoyed it and always hated it

after it was done you don’t have like

a runner’s high when it’s over no wow

see i was just wondering

cause like i’ve

heard you talk

about it before

and then kimmel was talking

about how it is the

exact opposite form and i’m like yeah

same with me well no

one can tell you how your

body works everybody’s body has its own different thing

you know everybody’s body

works differently at different

levels of efficiency

some people’s

bodies need extreme

amounts of exertion they need exercise

and mine could be because i grew up doing it

because you know my whole life

i mean there’s

never been a time in my life

except like in between

surgeries there’s

never been a time in my life

where i didn’t have some sort of extreme exertion

whether it’s kickboxing or jiu jitsu

or lifting weights or something or boxing for a while

everything was always just explosion always

there’s my body’s

always been forced to behave a certain way

and when your

body is forced to behave like that for over 20 years

you know it becomes accustomed

to it and when i take a few days off or i take

three or four days off

i have this

buildup of energy where

my body is used to producing a certain amount

of energy see

i don’t get any of that energy

zero that energy

i actually have the opposite like i

think it’s because hired 99

never really been in the kind of

shape that kind of shape like

explosive yeah

i think for me and and it’s different bio mechanics

or not biomechanics bio

bio rhythms rather

biochemistry different people need different

things out of life

some people need extreme exertion

some people just need a walk some people feel

great when they just walk up a hill

they just go for a little walk around

their neighborhood

and they feel refreshed they don’t need that

extreme physical

exertion me

i need to hit the bag

i need to do

jiu jitsu i need to do some

kettlebells i need to do it and when i do it it’s like

like i can be myself again

it’s like i blow it all out

and then i’m myself

but if i don’t it

builds up and if i

builds up for one day it’s tolerable two days

it’s a little less tolerable

three days a little

less and then by the time four or five days go by

where no workouts at all

i start getting very edgy

you know i feel

it like people are talking to me and they’re not

they’re not talking

quick enough

i’m like rude i’m like okay

okay okay i get it i get it i get it

because my patience

is gone i just have no patience it’s

weird caveman genes yeah

i’ve got way

too much caveman in me you know there was some sort of

study recently

that about people that have neanderthal

genetics and they have a certain percent

fucking for sure i do

right for sure

if there’s people out there that have neanderthal

genetics in

their system i’ve got some of that shit for sure

somewhere in my life somebody fucked an ape man

you know somewhere away

way back in my family’s

ancestry someone fucked

one of those little

crazy eight men

where i’m like a lesbian

trapped in a man’s body you are

very feminine

you’re very feminine but you like girls what’s that all

about i’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body

but you like fucking them i know i’m

lesbians like fucking chicks to

do they yeah do they put

strap ons on and just get sad

i would get fucking sad

if i was a chick and i wanted to be a dude and i’m

putting this rubber dick on i’m like how

great would it be if i really fucking had one

i could really just fuck the shit

out of you with my real dick instead of this rubber

thing i gotta

tie on and strap in

place and it wiggles and does it

but yes this

is scissoring

would probably feel good because you open sores rubbing

against each

other the most

sensitive part they want to get

stuffed they’re missing a hole

they’re missing something in the middle

they wanna get

stuffed dude

yeah but i mean you can

throw a fucking

dildo in there probably feels the same or bad i don’t

think so i don’t

think so i don’t think so

flashlights they feel pretty fucking good

i mean i don’t know how

lesbians vagina feels but i

think heterosexual

women desperately need to get stuffed

that’s why dudes desperately need to

stuff it in them and it just makes sense

what feels the best to you the

magical fucking promised land

to get your hard

super sensitive dick inside

that wet pussy and

that’s nature

that’s the great reward the

great reward is

this intense pleasure because that’s the way you make

babies so for a

woman the intense pleasure has got to come from getting

stuffed it’s the only

thing that makes sense

from getting a big fat dick to

shoot goo inside you

you know that’s what it is i mean

it’s a staple of our life and it’s this big

important part of our desires and our

motivation to do things but

really it’s just a

trick to make people

you know and that

trick has got to be set up correctly i mean

people have

been around for a fucking million years in this form

trick is good they

got it down and if it’s if it’s down they got it good

then that means

chicks must love

big fucking

dicks inside them and if they do then scissoring is not

gonna be enough it’s

gonna feel good it’ll feel good

but the reality is that pushing once

you get filled up it wants to get fucking stretched out

with cock son cock

ah you and looking at me and talking

about cock all day

long all day

try to make you uncomfortable son

try to make you uncomfortable

whoa damn what was that that’s me laughing

it was an earthquake we have much better sound now

so when i’m

laughing and

what used to not be annoying now would be annoying

this week we’re using

these microphones but next week we’re

gonna have some clip on jammies because this is

ridiculous you don’t want to be standing here

like a stand up comedian

i do kind of

like it though for the fact if i need to like

drink water or do something i

could go like this yeah

yeah maybe we

should just

leave it like this because

right

yeah we could totally do that

but i just don’t want

anything that

knocks around

as long as we have the headphones on that’s the move

because for

the longest time we were doing this and it just

look we’re a couple of retards and we

shoes string this shit together but now

it looks pretty killer we got

look we got a mixer

board and shit i’ll show you guys all this

stuff by the way the auto

focus is not

something that you can turn off

it isn’t it

doesn’t look like it

here we got all this shit here

we got a soundboard now connected to the

two laptops

connected to this

high level mp

three recorder jammy

and it’s all just mismatched in a fucking

sea of wires and that

all creates this podcast

hopefully that’ll be enough so now that we have the

sound issues out of the way eventually we’re

gonna have to deal with this goddamn

green screen

that’s step two

there’s a couple

different options to do it but all of them seem

super fucking complicated and a pain in the ass no i

think we just do a tv get a 3d tv we can

check shit out we can turn it on the problem is

things that do it

we couldn’t do it through this u

stream producer

if we’re gonna do it right

what the great

the caster the fucking

tricaster i

think you can does

it go through that i

think you can do it through that

so then we would have this entire the same

audio setup

i think it’s just way overkill to do a

tricaster through a you

stream producer though it just seems

weird well i don’t know

folks on twitter if anybody knows

give us a simple way

to do a green

screen if you know if anybody knows

throw me up

some message or

a link on twitter at joe rogan there’s got to be some

tech audio visual wizard out there that knows how

you stream involved

we should tell you

stream what’s the best hookup

i don’t think you

stream knows

now they stopped doing

those ads they have

these ads that

would pop up

every 30 seconds

remember there’s a

bunch of people they’re complaining

well it was

it wasn’t just an ad that popped up it was like

took over the

sound and audio and

that was ridiculous

who was it for was it

macy’s or something

like that macy’s

which why would

macy’s want to have anything

to do with me too because they have fucking i’m talking

about ghetto gaggers

you know did you hear

about that dildo that was discovered

28 000 year old dildo

did you hear

about that you know how did

they know though it was a dildo not just like an ear

cleaner or like a ear massager

how big is your fucking ear son

you know what i mean because it looks like a big

stone dick really and it’s

eight inches long

maybe that’s the preferred size

it was used for something else

what it was

it was used to

strike flint’s too

they had all

these marks on it from someone

striking flint’s

but that just

could have been the husband

like give me that fucking vibrator

give me your give me your dildo i need to make a fire

he got all angry and shit he was attacking the dick

you know it

could have been that

that’s the reason why he use it as a dual purpose

instrument but that’d be a

smart move to have you

know i mean if

you don’t want to have that many

stones laying around the cave you

know why not use it

for dual purposes

i was in portland and they had the

the biggest

wrecks with all the bones

the best collection

no t rex oh

t rex oh really i had the biggest

collection t rex

and it was like i forget how many like 70

real bone whoa

like the whole

thing was up

and it’s so

weird sitting there by that skull

of this dinosaur

and just thinking wow that used to be a fucking

monster you know that was a real

thing that’s so

weird that you’re allowed to

go up to it and

touch it and

see it i wonder how many

things existed that there are not fossils of

because one of the

things when you start

reading things

about fossils and about

archeologists and all

these different people trying to

dig up the past

is that it’s really difficult to make a fossil

like fossils don’t

just happen all the time like an animal has to get

trapped in mud

they have to die in

some sort of a landslide or something

they have to be somehow another preserved

which usually

doesn’t happen

usually when someone dies

they rot and

their bones get

eaten up by animals and their

tissue gets

eaten up by animals and bacteria and then they’re gone

they dissolve

how many fucking

things existed that aren’t in the fossil record

you know probably

the majority

probably the

majority you really think so

i would imagine

you would think though

that species around for millions and millions of years

right most of

them you know they’re around for a long period of time

and then eventually they

die off and before they die off for whatever reason

we’ve had a plenty of opportunity for at

least a few of them to get

stuck places

right right

we know so little it’s so

crazy that we try to reproduce the past

or figure out what happened in the past

by studying what was left behind it’s like a giant

crazy puzzle

wouldn’t it be more wouldn’t it be incredible and

maybe this would be possible someday

if they figure out

say if they make a model

of the earth

they know what

existed as far as

if you could do a core

sample of the earth

you can determine what

the temperature

was like what the environment was like what animals and

plants existed

and what if they

could put all this data into a computer

what if they

could put core

samples and what we know

about climonological change on the ship

put it into a computer with

all the known animals that

exist today

and literally

run a computer program that goes backwards in evolution

and takes us to what existed

tens of thousands of years ago 100

000 years ago a million years ago 10 million years ago

and you have to account for known

asteroid impacts

known craters

known things that probably

wiped out almost

everything they’re

going to get to a

point in time

computationally

scientifically technologically

where they are

literally able to recreate the past with a computer

totally what the fuck son

what kind of crazy

world we live in they won’t see it will be dead

you think so yeah

i don’t think

so i’m not that confident

we might see the beginning i

think we’re

gonna see some

crazy shit dude i

think you with your bloody butthole you

might not me i’m

gonna live to be a couple more decades for sure

i got a few decades

sylvester stallone

is 62 years old looks like

a fucking he’s a stud yeah

if he’s alive

he’s alive i’m not

gonna last till next pellet to cast you know

when do you

think when you

think you’re gonna go

sunday sunday

don’t say that i’m

gonna miss you oh whatever

don’t die i’ll be reborn in your new child wow

that’s creepy

really creepy because i’m

about to have a new

child you don’t even know

if brian died tomorrow and my daughter

woke up or came out of the

pussy and looked at me like this

i went hey make out with me in the

strip club yeah and

started saying

things like that

brian says like

first words like shit

brian says all the time don’t lie

we find a way to do it

don’t come back as my

child that would be just rude

be rude let my wife suck

sucking on my wife’s tits

that’s creepy

fucking weirdo

why would you want to come back as a baby

a baby girl

start this party

it’ll be gross can

man just coming back as a baby girl

and you have the mind of a man

34 year old man

trapped in a baby girl

has fake dicks

oh brian oh

brian with your fake TikTok

let’s go to the chat see

if there’s anything interesting that anybody has to say

i’m gonna urinate

you now this is this is what’s

wrong with the internet

what’s for me link

what the fuck is that guy saying

if you survive the next 30 years

you could possibly immortal

through cell regeneration yeah that is possible or

it might even be weirder

the ray kurzweil

idea is that we’re

going to be

able to download consciousness into a computer

that’s a very possible idea

you know if they can

figure out a way to make some sort of a reproduction of

the human mind

like some sort of a computer that

actually whether it’s a software or a hardware issue

where you reproduce all the functions of a

human brain and then

somehow or another

download consciousness into that computer you could

use that and replicate

it and you could

literally exist in a

bunch of different fucking computers

that would be very strange

if it was all happening like

say if you downloaded your consciousness into computers

but your consciousness was

still attached to

those computers

so instead of

you being able to

live a different life inside this computer what if like

that life is

going on at the same time i can echo in your head and

everything you do is like

doubled and tripled and it’s like

you go fucking

crazy because your consciousness is in a

bunch of different computers and all

these different things are

going on at the same time but it’s all inside your head

and you can’t fucking get away and you ruined it

so you gotta find the computers that

have your consciousness in it and fucking kill them

just to stop the madness in your head

cause there’s a fucking crazy echo

cause you’re living a thousand

different lives all at once inside fucking computers

my dick smell like

pussy i forgot to take a shower this morning was ew

it is awesome how bad

is it good is it smell good

i love that pussy’s not supposed to

its pussy has two smiles none are awful

you’re not supposed to smell

pussy just that slight pussy

where you had slight pussy yeah

i think you’re thinking that it’s a

slight pussy but really it’s your dead loads

that’s what i think it is i think you’re getting all

excited smelling your own loads

that’s what it is it’s your own lows are

trapped in your underwear

you might be right i think that’s what it is man

probably my butthole i smell ew

ew

these rampaid

versus rashad

who’s gonna win

listen ladies and gentlemen i’m never

never gonna answer

i don’t know who the fuck is

gonna win that’s why they’re fighting man

that’s the whole deal

i’m not doing comedy

when i’m coming to

vancouver this time because i was supposed to the red

robinson theater but

apparently they have some

sort of a corporate

thing that they booked out for

three days in a row and they can’t cancel it and

that’s the only time i’m

going to be there

and they didn’t

want me doing another club because i always do

their club i sort of have an agreement

is a big theater

so this time i’m not

gonna be doing shit so i’m

gonna go find bad

bobby i’m gonna go eat

steak like men

he’s showing around vancouver

all right other questions here see talk

about ovreme

you don’t even know ovreme is

you only follow

ufc right you didn’t see the

strike force on showtime

you poor fool you missed out on

everything i don’t have showtime dude

alstar over him

is a motherfucker he beat the shit out of brett

rogers brett

rogers that guy that fought fade or last

you don’t care

don’t give a fuck i care

about some things

not that not that

fight bumper

sticker idea real catholics fuck kids

wow okay fella

boy there’s a lot of bad questions here in this chat

do you know mark emory is

you know that guy’s they’re

extraditing him or have

extradited him to america he’s gonna

spent five years in jail

for selling seeds seeds that make people

happy pot seeds

meanwhile his own country

not only the not prosecuting him he was

roaming the streets free

you know he was fine in his own country he was fine

and they’re

extraditing him

because they know

they’re saying he’s responsible for millions dollars

of sales of seeds here in america and you know he’s

ran a drug empire

by selling these seeds you know what i pretty fucked

up yeah it’s fucked up but you know i don’t feel bad

about because that’s the risk you

take when you have to do shit like selling seeds and

stuff like that you know what i mean

you don’t feel bad

i mean i feel

bad but also like if i was selling marijuana seeds i

would know that hey there’s a

slight chance that i

could be fucked somehow but in his country there’s not

in his country it’s totally

legal the problem he was

shipping them to america

if he never ship them

to america and just sold them in canada he’d be golden

sounds like he’s dumb for canada they don’t give a fuck

i mean they do when they have

to they deal with shit but the reality is like it’s

like it’s not really

legal in vancouver but it’s

legal i mean

they tolerate it they just let it happen they had

smoke shops and shit

just like amsterdam up there

where you could just go and

smoke weed and this

motherfucker was just out

in the open with it and selling

seeds to america

and now they’re

extraditing him he’s

gonna have to do five years in jail and he’s not a

young man that’s

a long ass fucking time to be locked in a cage

for a plant that makes you

silly you know

the fact that that’s

still even debated in

2010 that would be wasting any resources at all

prosecuting

anyone for pot

i mean even a little bit even if

you know they’re saying he

broke the law so what the law is fucking

stupid it’s a dumb fucking law the law is

stupid but he knew what he was doing

so what it doesn’t matter the laws

dumb it’s a

terrible then

do it yes but no he

should be able to do it i

know he shouldn’t

be able to put a guy in jail for that that’s ridiculous

that in 2010

we got so many

discrepancies

so many fucked up hypocritical situations in our

culture how

about gambling how

about the fact

that dudes are getting busted having poker games

you know that

people are getting busted like they’re

breaking open

private poker games and cops are coming and taking

money and shit

i’ve read a

bunch of stories

about shit like this happening

where people are getting in trouble

for gambling

playing poker with

their own money

i mean that’s one of the reasons why you have to go to

these goddamn

indian not that there’s anything

wrong with any casino

but you have to go to indian casinos you can’t have one

you can’t have a casino

like down the

street from your house like

it has to be in certain places

and you only play certain games in them you know

i mean there’s

a lot of them in

california and there’s

bellflower and there’s a few

but in most parts

of the country it’s very difficult to find casinos

and you can’t play poker online because it’s illegal

so if you want to play online

you have to go through like a

third party

and it’s like you have to like send your

money to some

place it’s fucking all

cryptic and

weird and you don’t know what the fuck is happening

and it’s all probably illegal anyway if you got in

trouble for doing

it the way you’re doing it even if you do it through a

third party

you could probably

get some sort of a

fine or something for it i mean i don’t know what they

could do to you

but it’s illegal you

know but meanwhile the government has a fucking lottery

i mean the lottery is the

worst odds available ever for gambling

you ever be

stuck behind someone who’s a lottery addict

some poor fucking lady was in

front of me the

other day at the gas station and

i’m getting a gatorade

with my gas

it was gatorade

themed day notice that you had some

gatorade and i had some

gatorade again a

gatorade and this poor lady

orders like 10 of

these things

and she’s furiously scratching at

these tickets

you’re like this lady’s

addicted man

look at her she’s

playing the

worst odds ever

she’s bought

10 tickets what are the odds that any of them are

going to be any good

pretty fucking low have you ever won anything from

those before

no i’ve won like 10

bucks i want a free

ticket once i played

the lottery i won

a free ticket

i played that free

ticket i lost i was done

that was it

never played

again but the

the fucking

the odds are

astronomical and the you know the the hook is

that if you do win it’s so much money

oh my god you could

do a dollar a dollar a dollar for a hundred days

then all of a

sudden you win five thousand dollars whoa

and they put a hundred dollar investment in but it was

worth it and then once you get that one

five thousand dollar hit you like oh you get addicted

coming to win the

super fucking

powerball jackpot

four hundred million dollars be set for life

you know so the government

is the the biggest fucking dealer when it comes to

addicted gamblers

you know the government’s dishing it out you can you

could you could gamble lottery in

every fucking

state probably right

is your state

where you can’t gamble

a state where you can’t go to the lottery i don’t

think so how

about the goddamn

stock market that’s a fucking gamble

that’s a gamble and it’s legal

why can’t you fucking play poker

it’s ridiculous

we live in a goddamn

nanny state

it’s a nanny

state brian mmm

so you think you’re gonna die

okay you look like shit it’s getting worse

is it i don’t know if it’s just because i haven’t

eaten in 20 you haven’t eaten in a long time man

this is a low energy show and that’s why

this guy won 500

and got a new flat screen tv

well congratulations quit now and you’re way

ahead that’s a good move

taxes taxes taxes

yeah but here’s the problem with the idea of

taxes taxes taxes when it comes to poker

just make people pay

taxes just like strippers have to pay taxes

they’re not always right

you know i mean you know you just

make people fucking

make them accountable you know if you really want

the whole tax situation is

pretty disgusting as it is you know

especially if you’re in a forty

eight percent tax bracket like a lot of people are

it’s gross the government should

never get half your

money that’s fucking completely ridiculous

you make a hundred bucks they get fifty or forty eight

bucks that’s stupid

that doesn’t make any goddamn

sense and you got to protect yourself

set up a bunch of different shit

so that they’d only take a small slice out of your pie

you know you gotta move to nevada or

open a corporation or do a bunch of different

stupid things so that you can have

less money out there that they get to

steal from you you know

or you just

taking an ass like me and just give them all the

money that you got audited you got

audited like a

motherfucker what happened son

to make a video

about the irs no

and it sucks

they’re gonna audit me

again this year

well you did it because you used one of

those programs and you

tried to take a lot of different

things off right

turbotax and then i used

home office and

blah blah blah and then

they just don’t

like it when you have a home office i guess

they don’t like it when you have a lot of exemptions

is that what it is well i

would like write off like you know

like electricity

write off like gas and you

know driving

because it’s a home office yeah and

stuff like that you know whenever i buy batteries and

stupid stuff like that right but

i thought it

might cause i buy

everything online so

what i was thinking is like oh

i have receipts for

everything as i use credit cards and i buy online well

visa and mascot and all

these guys decided to hey we’re not

going to save all your

stuff we only

saved the last year

so they changed it

where it used to be like

you could go back

i was able to go back like

three years and

check out my

statements like

three years ago

but they stopped

it so now it’s only one year so i just lost

all my receipts

so then when so you

never kept anything in hard form

everything was

online yeah so i got kind of got fucked by that

i wonder if

they did there in cahoots that’s what i’m saying

the irs like

contacts mastercard

says listen you don’t have to keep that shit

twelve year

twelve months that’s enough dude

you don’t have to hold shit for ten

twelve years fuck them

they should have fucking they

should have files it’s not your responsibility

i agree it’s

not ours i mean we’re just providing the service and

yeah man fuck them fuck the records burn that shit

what are they running out of hard drive

space over a bank of america

that’s ridiculous

twelve kilobyte

file you cunt

fuck you fucking in bed cunts

the irs in itself is supposedly illegal

and all these

wacky people that don’t

think you should pay taxes

good luck with that

where the fuck does the

money go that’s the

crazy thing when you really look at

taxes there’s no

there’s no receipt

it’s no like hey mr johnson you

spent thirty thousand dollars in

taxes this year and this is what

we did with your money

we you know spent this

x amount on your

your local middle

school and x amount on this and

you know x amount went to that no

you don’t get a fucking receipt they’re not accountable

that’s the problem

that’s why when you hear

about like crazy

no bid you know

contracts and you know that they’re in bed with

these fucking

halburton and all

these different companies that are

getting these

crazy fucking contracts and then

money winds up missing and it’s like

they can’t account for

billions of dollars and it’s this is mad

cluster fuck of

money and a big grab

like who is

stealing when it comes to this like bank

thing this whole bank bailout thing

when you look at the

money and you

talk about seven hundred billion dollars and all this

money flying left and

right and people

still getting

bonuses and

is there is it really

they have an accounting

system for all this

i mean can we really tell like

where your tax

dollars went to this bailout and how it was used

they don’t even have to fucking tell you

they don’t even have to tell you

but yet if you file a tax report

motherfucker you better have receipts for everything

you better have receipts for

every goddamn

thing you want an exemption for

but when you ask

them like what did you do with all my tax dollars what

you used it to get

these bankers

wait a minute

these bankers set it up do you know that they were

shorting they

were making sure that they were protected on both ends

they were selling clients a certain

stock and then

gambling that that

stock was gonna fail

you should probably not talk

about the irs

too i should probably be

quiet right

it’s amazing

duncan trussell to give me the best advice don’t talk

about the ir look

it is i’m talking

about the whole

system man man man man

it’s incredible that it’s set up that way and that

politicians don’t do a goddamn

thing to change it

obama was swearing before he got into office

that he was

going to end no

bid contracts and he just gave

the former company

known as halibut and i

guess they changed

their name to something else but he just gave them some

500 million dollar no

bid deal exactly what he said he

wouldn’t do

that motherfucker

we’re up to two

hours and ten minutes joe well that’s what

brian is saying

that his vagina is hurting his buttholes

bleeding and he’s a

tired man everybody

saying wake up people are saying wake up red van

it’s not dying

wake up people are sad

50 goes to the military does it really who the fuck

knows does anybody know what the actual numbers are of

money going to the military

all right let’s take a couple questions we’ll go to the

board see if anybody has anything interesting to say

and this is a tron hoodie by the way

is it yeah i mean the movie tron look at you

you really are fucking nerd huh

you’re for real so a lot of dudes fake and nerd them

right yeah i’m real nerd

stone cold steve austin and

bruce buffer we’re on sure dog

radio today whoa

good times good times

ladies and gentlemen

i think we went

through the entire broadcast without me saying bananas

i said it i

tried to say like as little as possible as well

cause like that’s

annoying like man

is the feed usually

choppy how many people are on this

stupid thing

a thousand people

that’s all we ever get that’s

what we’re good for we’re good for a thousand people

other than that people are

going to bail out eventually

these guys are just don’t even have anything

planned they’re just reading questions now

it’s been going on for two hours

this guy says

oh he’s quoting me

twice in my life i’ve developed blisters

on my dick from jacking it my suspicions are confirmed

there are others

what does that mean

other suspicions

just trying to say

what do i think about e

cigarettes i

think the chemical they use for the smoke

dries out your throat

and causes your

throat to get fucked up

does it yeah i mean i was spitting up

blood from using e

cigarettes so

but that’s you dude

you had a weak cut but

if you google it the chemical

that they use for it is the same shit they use in

it’s an fda

approved chemical but it’s used to make fog in

nightclubs and one of the

things it does is dries out

your throat

and my shit

started getting jacked up and i was spitting

blood i was like fuck this i’d rather

smoke a cigarette

than this nonsense

really yeah so

so they’re not good but don’t they they help you quit

because they know what

you quit just

just fucking get

patch that’s helps me quit

did it yeah and

wear it one day two days i’m good

two days is all it took

now you were smoking for a

while before this new

girlfriend you had

the old girlfriend mm hmm

you wanna talk

about that no okay

i don’t mean

about your situation i mean she smoked right yeah

now i live with somebody that doesn’t

smoke so it’s easier

hmm but yeah when you live with somebody that

smokes it’s

impossible to stop smoking when that

other person’s smoking

yeah i could imagine

you know if

i get addicted to certain

things like for a

while i was addicted to

cleaning out my ears with q tips

i fucking love it feels so good

to get in there

sardines i was

but i wasn’t really addicted to sardines

but the q tips man it’s

hard for me to walk by a box of q tips and not want to

stick one of my ear

you know but if you live with someone they’re all

cleaning their ear making moaning

noises like mmm

then it makes it even harder you know

like i’m trying not to fucking

my doctor told me not to be

sticking shit in my ear i’m trying to do the

right thing

and you over here

digging in your ear moan and ahhh

one time for real though i did put

two q tips in my ear at the same time and i took a shit

wow it was the best feeling ever

it was one of the best feelings ever

my ex had one in her ear and then she answered the

phone and she went like this

oh my god q tip shoved into her ear and

pierced her eardrum and

blood well she’s retarded

yeah that’s a dumb thing to do

but yeah i could feel it

that’s painful

ooh puncturing your eardrum i’ve heard of dudes getting

their eardrum punctured in fights

ruptured you know from getting head kicked or

punched in the head and punched in the ear

you know your ear ruptures and then

you can’t hear out of your ear and it’s got to heal up

and they sometimes have to do surgery on people’s ears

guys have fucking ear problems from

jiu jitsu too like that

cauliflower ear barf

sometimes it actually goes

the bleeding and the

swelling goes

inside the ear and the inside ear can get infected

this dude dave tyrrell

guy fought for the

ufc for a while

and he’s a very

very accomplished grappler

he’s had like some serious problems with his ears

where he’s actually had to get his ears

cut off of his head

they actually had it like peel his ears back

fix whatever

the fuck was in and then sew them back on his head

yo barf yo that

things like that make me not want to

stick a q tip in my ear

but i couldn’t imagine if

you know i had a

cigarette thing

if i had a cigarette

thing and i

was living with someone who’s smoking all the time

especially when they’re stressed out

and they fucking fire that

cigarette up

and you see the relaxation come across

their face i’ve seen it with you dude

i’ve seen does he talk about it on your face

really really wow

i’ve seen that look on your face many times

where you’ve been freaking out

someone’s been driving you crazy and you

and you take that

god it sounds delicious right now

and i see the relaxation just the calmness

wash over you

what an evil trick

and you know what the calmness actually is

it’s actually just satisfying that

monkey on your back that’s really all it is

it’s not like

cigarettes make you calm

it’s that the lack of

cigarettes makes you tense

and when you get that cigarette in your

system then you become calm like what a terrible trick

like it’s so goddamn addictive we’re not talking

about something

that’s so addictive you have to do it once a week

you know that’s

addictive you know some people are addicted to certain

things and they have to do them like once a day

we’re talking

about every 15 20 fucking minutes man

that’s crazy that’s

crazy it’s like twirling your hair

it’s nuts that it’s so popular

how many people in america

smoke cigarettes like 40

it’s a big fucking number

and not a single politician ever says a goddamn thing

about stopping it

whatever do what you gotta do

ladies and gentlemen that’s my that’s my advice to you

next gig i don’t have

anything coming up to be honest with you in america

my next gigs are

june 17th in saskatoon

canada june 18th at

grand prairie

alberta and june 19th in winnipeg

so those are

those are my next comedy gigs

and then the next one the next big one in america is

well in june i’m at the the improv

irvine but brian

doesn’t have that up on my calendar it’s on

the eastern

counters not been a

fucking you

stream calendar updated

son but that’s

towards the end of june i’m at the

irvine improv

i remember twenty something something something

and then july

second i’m at the

house of blues in las vegas

if you want to find out the actual full

schedule you

can go to joe rogan dot net and get it there

they found a hole in

space this guy says

what are you talking about son

you can’t just say

things like that in capital letters they

found a hole in space

do you mean a

floating vagina

what do you mean

is it a monster butthole

why do you need to wear headsets

why do you care

why do you care if i wear headsets sir what’s

wrong with you

what is this hole in space sir

can i google hole in space

and will you will you be vindicated

or will it be some fucking snopes debunked article

where there really isn’t a hole in space

huge hole found in the universe

2007 well things take a while to get to this guy

maybe he’s in ohio

the universe has a huge hole in it that

dwarfs everything

anything else

of its kind

the discovery caught astronomers by surprise the hole

is nearly a billion

light years across

it’s not a black hole

which a small

sphere of densely

packed matter rather

fuck that old news look at that what

san diego huge

earthquake just hit

really that

maybe a five

point something it looks like that’s not huge faggot

five point that’s nothing

that’s the cow

is that the

california nevada

font line yeah exactly

where i was telling you

last time how it was just a million look at all these

earthquakes so don’t move to san diego no

fuck san diego whoa

that is pretty nutty

they say the pacific

northwest is due too they were talking

about that in some

paper i read

about oregon

that oregon’s due for another fucking gigantic

blast anyway there’s a fucking hole in the universe sun

the universe is

populated with

visible stars gas and dust

but most of the matter in the universe

is invisible scientists know something is there

because they can measure the gravitational

effects of the so called dark matter

voids exist

but they are

typically relatively small

this fucking void this

gargantuan hole

was found by examining

observations made by

using the very

large array the vla telescope in chile

funded by the national science

foundation yeah there’s there’s some shit out there

folks there’s

so much more shit out there

then we have

mapped out and understand

it’s one of the reasons why we tune into fox news

it’s one of the reasons why we’re fascinated by who

tiger woods

is fucking because the universe itself is too

scary and too much of a just

gigantic reminder

that we ain’t shit

and with that note

ladies and gentlemen

thank you very much for

tuning into the podcast

fleshlight com

yeah go there and buy something and fuck it it’s

way better than your hand and i don’t

think it’s that expensive

how much are

those things like

69 79 bucks is that really all it is

yeah it’s worth it totally if you

think about how much money you

spend on dates

with girls that

you don’t like hoping that you can fuck them

when you could save that

and you can reuse that

flashlight over and over and over

again it’s people who

go to clean it it’s

really not that hard no no you just hook it up to that

put up to the faucet turn the faucet on your come

squirts out

squirts out the back

no problem it’s

not hard at all and then you get like a little

squeegee in there and

ram it and or just like

how’s the book coming the book is coming good

it’s it’s it’s doing very well it’s

it’s weird and it’s

taken a long time it takes a long time to

write to actually

write something out

it would have been probably way easier if i

tried to transcribe it and just talk

but use like maybe a

dictation program or something like that but i don’t

think it’ll be as good

i think it’s better

it’s a slow process to

write things out but when you do just write

things out you’re forced to edit them you’re forced to

go over them again and see the poetry of

of each sentence

it’s much much better for reading i

think if you actually

write it out if you actually just talk it

sometimes you’re you know

it’s not going to be as smooth

as if you’ve reviewed it

it won’t be done

it’s due in october that’s when it’s due

takes a long time to these fucking things

a lot longer than i thought blogs are easy you know i

put a blog up the most it’s like 2 000 words that’s a

giant one you know and that takes like six or

seven hours but

it doesn’t matter because no one’s paying me to do it

i do my best i do what i

think it is and i throw it up there whereas

this i’m trying to put more

attention and focus to

so that’s it

you know my twitter it’s joe rogan

you know my

website joerogane net

and i told you

about the upcoming dates in june

in canada and in the irvine improv and then july

second in las

vegas at the house of blues will be a fucking party

looks like sam tripley is doing that with me

should be fucking

crazy sam tripoli if you’ve never seen him hilarious

very funny guy

shout out to maddie kersch alright

folks that’s it for this week we will see you next week

same bat time same

bat channel it’s almost always around the same time

which is 3 p m pacific

thank you very much