The Joe Rogan Experience #31 - Mayhem Miller

sam ladies and gentlemen we are live god damn it

we are live with the man

jason mayhem miller yes of

strike force fame

well bully beat down fame oh

bully beat down fame for sure man i can’t go anywhere

well strike

force fame too man you fought for the fucking

title yeah it’s true but you know like

strike forces in the process of

building like i could feel them like

getting the ball rolling before we even talk we have to

thank our sponsor we’re sponsored by the

flashlight i will

be taking all that’s the butthole version

i think that’s what other version is there

there’s a mouth version and of a jj version

now do the mouths come in different races dude

that’s a fucking excellent

point because i was saying how come there’s no

black ones cause all the vaginas are pink

if you go to the website

we’ve got to talk to them

about that and the funny

thing is the dude who hooked us up

the dude who started this whole deal our friend chris

seems like he’s of mixed heritage

right doesn’t he he seems like he’s like he’s got a

bunch of things going on

a little bit of black little bit of white

someone’s had some

black something somewhere along the line

let’s represent he’s a spiritual

traveler you can tell by just talking to

that guy he’s a cool dude

i can’t believe he

doesn’t have like indian dick

we’re gonna have him on the podcast if he’ll do it

i like that guy

who actually makes the molds of you

know cause they make

them out of girls vaginas

like porno stars

they literally mold

their vagina like the outside they stick a

flashlight up in her and take them

no but there’s no

i guess they put something on it

you know and they make an

impression of it yeah but not

every one of

those is an official vagina

or maybe there’s just some fat

chick who’s got her vagina

she’s like some designer

she went to art

school for three years and then she goes

puts the stuff on there like

now everybody will get

some of this my

point about the

flashlight has

always been it does not have to look like a vagina

cause i’m not looking at it

i’m just shoving it on my

dick you know what i got a

free i got a free fake vagina one time

you stare at it

while you’re

fucking it like wow that looks like a real vagina

there’s no way you’re

gonna be turned

on if it was a real vagina okay why is it by itself

where’s its fucking body

you know what i mean that’s creepy

have you just fucking a vagina like

someone took an

apple cord or some chick just

pulled it off and then

personality wise most

chicks that i’ve ever

dated are pretty much

you know just a vagina

i just see that part

oh you’ve had some cool

chicks well yeah

that’s true but you know i’ve gone through a rash of

psychopaths but

well there’s not

that’s the lifestyle though you know that’s

how you’re living you’re a fucking wild

man like professional there’s a lot of people out there

claiming wild man

jason mayhem miller

is a real fucking wild man alright i can’t help it just

shut the fuck up you’re talking

about a dude who

as long as i’ve

known him has been living in hotels

he doesn’t even he’s now he just got a fucking

house now he has to he’s a goddamn tv star

yeah yeah well i have to just because like i feel like

when you’re

like i’m damn near 30 like

i better like buy a house

well you’re a tv star now man you’re a

legit tv star you’re the host

bully fucking beat down

that’s true that’s a

giant show man that is a

popular fucking

show cultural

thing like i’m just waiting to get made

fun of like i’m like please yeah somebody saturday

at live make fun of this

it’ll happen it

should i mean look they can

we they could do that

to anthony bourdain they can do that to you you go to

any like mtv

parties where you have to hang

out with the hills nah yo

nah they don’t let me around those guys

and they separate me from jersey

shore dudes

i really think they separate

you from but you

might smack them all right yeah

might be like ah

they all just

ruined my career because i’ll be

this is the

thing about mayhem

like i’ve known mayhem for a long time now and

mayhem is one of the coolest guys i’ve ever met he’s a

down dude he’s totally straight

you never know

there’s no there’s no

guessing where you coming from with mayhem

but that said

homies got a switch

and every now and then

he just decides to

he just decides

to hit it sky bar sky bar

this is exactly

what i’m talking

about we got talk we were at the sky bar what’s this is

classic mayhem

and granted this is years ago before he had matured

you were very

young about that

you know what

it was i got

bored so easily yeah well you get

crazy you get hyped

you know and there’s nothing

wrong with that that’s what makes you a

great fighter but

when you got

we’re at the sky bar

and we’re just having

a good fucking time alright we got a buzz on we’re

laughing and telling jokes

it’s like mayhem and

brian is there and

ari was there no it was just me and you and a mayhem i

think there was one

other no no no

cause ari was

there and me and

you hid around the corner and

was like oh my god what the fuck i thought we had one

other dude with us

you sure ari

wasn’t there no no it was

just me and

you okay anyway bottom line

okay say it’s all just us three

so we’re having a

great time laughing our asses off

and mayhem gets hyped

and decides to skydive on this bed

filled with people drinking

these people

they have these like the way sky bars

sky bars wine

it’s got this killer view

right it’s at the montreon

it’s got this killer view and they have

these beds laying around

and people just

chill on these beds and they lie down and drink

well these people are just

lying down feet up

hard day at work you know i’m saying

all girls all

girls all girls

let me tell the story okay

you got the basics

rogan told his version

here’s my version in my head okay

i’m standing there

we already been to the skyboard

the day before

i went with you the day before and i had a

blast like it was like

girl this time

it was like some people there but it wasn’t popping off

right we’re talking to having a good time

but it wasn’t like

it wasn’t like the hollywood

party that you

you imagine

right and i

never been to hollywood

that was like my

first time okay so

i wanted the hollywood

party like i was like

where’s all the hot bitches you know like

what is this so but you know

you guys are used to it so you were like whatever

me i was getting

bored like i was like man

where’s the

chicks yesterday

where i was talking to chicks

and then i looking around and like and then

as i’m looking

around there’s a lull in our conversation

and i look over

and there’s a hot chick

and she’s looking at me

from the bench

now be it i was on the

second level of this little area

and we’re sitting

there talking there’s a lull in our conversation

i look back at that

chick she was smiling

something in my head said

jason she wants you to jump on there

now i have extensive

experience jumping on a

couch i had a little

sister all growing up

i could run and jump perfect and land perfect on the

couch as i ran

and jumped in midair

i went damn this is a bad idea like why did i do this

but too late i

could not take it back

so i jump and

smash into the all

these hot chicks like

model chicks

like a bunch of rich dudes wearing rolexes

one guy with

spiky hair he had the faux

hawk before people had faux

hawks and i

smashed it knock the

drinks everywhere

and whatever and man

i popped up like

bruce lee like jump back up like whoa

and i was like

that was stupid i saw

bouncers running and i just went

i know i know i’m

sorry i know i know

and then so this is my

first hollywood

thing and i was hanging out with the

famous joe rogan

and i was like

damn joe rogan’s

gonna hate me man

joe rogan’s

gonna hate me

i i his my phone rang

and i saw joe rogan and i was like oh god

i answered the

phone and he

said you were

laughing so hard

that i was like oh

cool it’s cool

that was awesome you

gotta know the difference

between someone

someone who’s capable of doing crazy shit

but is a cool dude

and someone who’s just fucking

crazy and annoying

and there’s a huge difference

and you’re just a dude who’s a cool dude who

will do some crazy

shit you get

labeled in with the

other group all the time

underestimated in my opinion

you know and it was really

funny the as a

fighter as well

the ea game

they put you out a really

a low skill level

really and it was a fucking hilarious

video no no

no that’s on the internet

is a hilarious

video of him

on the internet

punking the ea guys

he pretends that

he’s fucking pissed off because they put him in a low

level of skill no

way it looks so good

dude it’s so good

what find it

find it on youtube

google it what is do you know the name of the

video i don’t know

oh just mayhem

mayhem sports ea

sports whatever

mayhem freak out something like that it’s on the

okay here it is

super quick

ryan you gotta echo man

a little bit so here i am whatever so

it just talk us through this for the people

a lot of people just listen to this on itunes

this is the setup whole deal we went to ea sports

we went to ea sports and it was like

cool like they had a ball pit

in the middle of the joint

and actually one of the this developer

is in on this joke okay so you

know you’re doing so so if you notice in this video

he gets fucking slap around

here goes here now he starts realizing

he’s realizing his characters are low skill level now

you know we watch the act no man what the bro

but speed what’s wrong no charges watch the build up

big deal to video game no no go back to my shit

man no man you that’s what you think that’s what you

think you think you think

my coach

no disrespect no disrespect i’m just with you

there was one okay

there was this one dude

who was there was this one dude who was talking who

was really he sounded really freaked out

when he got violent and physical he wasn’t in on it

oh my bad no no he wasn’t in on it

that was real there was like his

freak out the whole floor of people came to the door

and everyone was like acting like they’re

gonna do something i’m like whoa listen to that guy’s

voice can you rewind it to that one spot

where that one guy wigs

this guy this is some primal shit dude

you got to listen to his

voice that the terror in his voice

but speed what’s wrong

it’s a video game listen for the no no

man no man you that’s what you think

you think you’re

laughing you think it’s hey motherfucker

that guy that guy

that guy sounds like a dude is getting

attacked by a bear

yeah well you know i mean

and i never think

about it you know and i have no

like fear of physical altercation

oh sorry is that bad

i have no fear of physical altercation so

to me like i’m like

okay whatever

it’s a dude you know like and i don’t really

think about the consequences anyway like i’m like

well if i get beat up i get beat up you know like

did you think well the designer wasn’t

gonna be up

for i mean you

would even attempt that

for because you’re mad at him for that

yeah you think my game sucks fuck you

like what you

think is gonna attack you that’s ridiculous

no you had no no dogs in that race no worries

that was very funny though it was very funny

i enjoy the shit out of it

mayhem miller

i enjoyed the shit out of it

now we can’t have you on without talking

about that strike force brawl

oh yeah that is the most

ridiculous shit i have ever seen on television

this is one of the problems and we talked

about it on the show

right after it happened with

organizations that they don’t have enough

experience yet there’s little

things they haven’t covered

little things like

watching the doors like you can’t just let anybody in

and the ufc knows that so they have people

watching the doors because

trying to get into the cage

ufc man yeah

but there’s just like a little

hole missing in their game

and the whole missing was

you gotta wash

the door you can’t just let anybody in the cage

they just fucked up well you know and i thought

it was an appropriate time to get into the cage

oh yeah this is

smart oh yeah for sure what’s the

worst that could happen

well the worst that happened so

well it wouldn’t have been bad

it wouldn’t have been bad

what happened was you came in and

yeah you like interrupted in the middle of a

speech yeah

here’s the here’s how that went he looked at you i

saw what happened

he looked at you guys

made eye contact and then you just went with yeah well

because it was like awkward at that

point because i

i didn’t mean to step into his frame

and then he looked back at me and me and

me and shields kind of had made

peace already because

we’re both cutting weight

at the same

time and we’re in the same area and we both like oh

and we’re like we kind of looked at each other like

yeah we’re doing it

again like what’s up dog like that like we’re like

all right it’s cool yeah you beat me in that last

fight give me

those shot now

you know i’ll kick your ass next time

you know there’s

mutual respect

right right

and he respect me

and and and so we kind of made our

peace and at the way in we

still were cool like what up

then i won my

fight and knocked the guy out

which this would make a lot more

sense if on the video

i mean on the cbs broadcast they showed my fight

but they had 5 25 minute

fights and went over

their time slot

anyway they went way way way way

way over their time slot

they went over by like over an hour

right wow an hour

this is bad

again you know

they’re just

you know they’re just

new at the yeah

it’s a new thing for them anyway

so i go in there and i didn’t mean to step into

frame i stepped in a

frame oh whoops

i’m already

and he noticed me at that same moment i was like

well i gotta talk now

right and he cause he

asked me what you want your rematch now

and i was like i said that he said that off the

off the mic

and i went yeah

where’s my rematch buddy

whoops because then i just

proceeded to get

to stockton dog piled

and the funniest part is is imagine

if i just want to fight

and my camp was in there

okay my crew

if we jumped on somebody

they would be fucking hurt

i got up like hahaha

oh my god like

i didn’t even get

hurt on that how did i not even get hurt you know i was

shocked i didn’t even

have a scratch on me and

and during the little

scrub i shot a double egg on somebody

because i was like man let me

just take someone to the ground and then i can probably

you know get my way out of this

and cause i was

thinking at this moment you

gotta understand

when you fight

and my adrenaline

had already been pumped up

earlier that night

wasn’t even

hype when that was happening i was like whoa oh my god

and i get on the bottom of a dog pile of like oh

i’m getting jumped on national

television i got

kicked in the head and

i didn’t feel that

and i i and then

as as i’m thinking in my head

man i’m getting jumped on national

television the

freaking idiot

goes johnson goes

gentlemen this is national

television i’m like haha no shit

yeah what’s up

with that dude

that dude is

he to me is like best commentator in the fucking

you either a

you’re entitled

to your opinion

sir you’re damn

right you know

what joe rogan

got nothing

mike shivello are you fucking kidding me

that guy sounds like

gus johnson

all day he sounds like a dude who’s in a mold

he just fits

into a mold

starts talking like a

sports guy i

think ma’am just got me pregnant

a little hype i

wrote a preface for a book this kind of like a college

textbook yeah

it’s a great book it’s a

i can’t remember

about what anyway it’s about

the mentality of fighters and he did case studies

law interviews with gus johnson did this but no no no

not gus i’m talking about

so how’s that guy gonna write

a friend of mine

he wrote this book

and what’s the book called

i don’t know wait a minute wait a minute

wait it’s coming to me

it’s too complicated that’s the problem

if it was just like

fighting or

fighting in art

you know it was about

it’s actually you know

a good book

i don’t know look it up red band you know how to so i

should write

book and google

and what else fighting and

i’m sure it’s on amazon or

something like that mayhem preface is on amazon

you never know man

white cloth

i wrote this thing

we’re at the

beginning and i i drew the parallel all but mass gator

probably my

dog come here

we have a technical difficulties

with the wiener dog

come on hot dog dog yeah you

got a my cats in the room everybody my cats hide in the

closet i know

we know dog

found them oh

we got goddamn

problems what kind of a fucking professional

studio is this yeah but i had the

buddy you can’t go down there come on get her hey

i’m gonna fuck

could you little

mother call

peter ladies and gentlemen we apologize

but anyway mid

story no but i

you know it’s

got to be a pretty big coincidence if he just he just

sorry guys you know turn my

level so much better

like this yo yo yo

check it out

about the broken podcast son i just

hold it but

we are the white so

anyway for the people who

haven’t seen this is what happened

there was a

the the fight is over

people do google

google number one there’s people that

listen to this podcast

that have there’s

people that listen this podcast that don’t know shit

about mm oh

my bad there’s

there’s most of the people that listen this podcast i

would say probably 50 at least

i know i love it no no that’s

not what i’m saying

they’re more

i know people driving to work this i just

just for the people who are not

mma fans we just have to

clean it look

get her get over here

this is very distracting anyway sorry

why don’t you guys talk for a second i’m

gonna shut this door yeah please shut the door

by the way remember that couch

story we were talking

about the sky bar yeah that was like my

first month

in la oh really

and it was like my

first time at a la bar

and then i meet you and then when that happened

i just remember it turned into bullet time

where i just see girls

like fucking

glasses of wine

everywhere i like to call that saving private ryan

like you’re like looking around

everything is that

black and white in slow motion yeah

and then i ran

around the corner and me and joe hid from you i oh cool

no man i knew it was

going down in midair

in midair i’m like damn i’m an

idiot man i do

stupid shit all the time but this is really stupid

i was like man

i finally have a

famous friend in my entire life

and i tell him to fuck off you

see exception

oh not yet everybody says awesome see you joe

we gotta keep talking

before we change i

think you know you’re

ready i’m go see it tonight though for sure do it

we’re not done i know

could you know why partially because

at red band

tweeted like

man he was stroking himself

while he was writing this review like 140 characters of

oh inception

oh god before before we get before

we got to go back to this little

strike force

thing before your dog

my cat sorry

we had issues

we got a fucking wild kingdom

going on up in this bitch

so the strike

force thing so

for the people who

haven’t seen

it this is what happens one guy wins and this guy

who won jake shields

mayhem and jake

shields had fought in the past very

close decision as a matter of fact at the end of the

second round

was the second or the

third i don’t know

at the end of the second or

third he had him

locked up in a rear

naked choking

homeboy was

going to sleep

the only reason

i didn’t hold him

after the bell

was because my last fight

i illegally kicked jack ray in

his head yeah and i was like oh i don’t want to get the

everybody hates me because i’m a dirty ass

fighter you know so i didn’t even hold on to it

beyond the bell because i was like

i’ll get him he

would have went

to sleep he

was a couple

seconds away from

going to sleep it was

dead lark time

anyway so the point is

they had a big very

close fight it was very it was

exciting and

mayhem doesn’t feel like he did his best

which no fighter ever does

so he wanted to have this rematch so when jake

shields won in a big victory over dan henderson

mayhem says well this is a good way to hype this

fight up this be a big name

fight you know i’m mayhem miller from mtv

and bully beatdown and we’re on fucking cbs right now

you know i’m i’m a famous

mma guy you’re a famous

mma guy you just had a huge victory

let’s make some money

yeah let’s make some fucking

money yeah that’s exactly right

that’s exactly

come on let’s get crazy

come on let’s hype this up you

gotta get mad at me but

the the problem is everybody took its street

everybody went

goofy like come on man

you guys have to have some sort of an

understanding that there’s a certain amount of shit you

should be able to talk before you

throw down because it’s good for business yeah

it’s good for business

what’s not good for business is

punching people in the head when you’re down

i understand

where you’re

coming from you want to back up your boy but

you can’t do that on tv

you got to realize that

a lot of this

disrespect and this shit talking it’s not real okay

a little bit

a little bit

like i said

me and him are in

lock room we suffer together but

this reality like the reality is you know it was a

great fight

the reality is you know you

would like to get back in there the reality is you know

you think you can beat him you came

close to tapping him

so there’s a

lot of real hype to it but there’s always respect like

all the bullshit and the shit talking and

everything like that

what people have to

understand is that makes you

money that sells the fucking

fights that’s a big big

thing like we’re shot in rampage man

if neither one of

those guys said a word to each

other there

wouldn’t have been half the emotional two

black guys fight who cares

but i’m just saying

they hyped it up yes they made the

talking smash

there were some

realistic yes there’s some reality to it but

they kept the shit together

they got so

close on that ultimate

fighter show man when they got in each

other’s face and they were

like touching

noses story

in australia

i’m friends with both guys

i’m friends with both those

as a mother

because they’re cool guys they’re both

great guys and i grew up with rampage

basically when i

moved it to

california in my damn van

i like but i i

i lived in the parking

lot down the

street from his

house and would

drive to go pick him up to take him to another gym to

train every day

we hung out

every day in

which one conversation

that he remembers i went

man you should be mr

t on on the a team wow

and then he

started spitting that

i pitiful what i was

like that and i was like

hold my you’re

see i told you and

magic mayhem

five eight years

later definitely

law attraction type shit

son yeah exactly anyway

maybe i’m just

magic joe rogan

maybe he’s just

black might be

magic to really

they have just

blessed me i

think i got

some magic you to

me and shit

hey anyway up so

we’re not australia and

those guys are both

out there and i’m kind of kicking with both of them

going around to australia’s

nightlife and

i’m but i’m kind of hanging out more with rampage i

known him for

a way longer and whatever and i kind of you know i

haven’t seen him we were

catching up

and anyway he

though these guys

suddenly i’m in the

nightclub with some hot

chicks i’m looking around like wow hot

chicks cool this is what life supposed to be right

and security

starts running past me and i’m like

where’s rampage

and i looked over at

where rashad

was sitting

where’s rashad

and i was like dude they’re not here

and those guys are running

i run down to this little tiny hallway

where the bathroom was

and who’s standing there

face to face in this hallway that i can barely fit down

they are face

to face in this

thing oh just

black guy talking like

motherfucker like

all i can hear is motherfucker treat me like a bitch

treat me like a bitch

treat me like a bitch here we go i was like oh and dude

these these security is like locked that they know who

these guys are they know what can go down right now

they’re just like ah ah

fuck could you imagine to the rest security

at a fucking club in australia and it’s for the

people are cool

as fuck yeah like yeah people are nice here

how hard is it to be a

bouncer you know no big deal

and then one day two fucking cage

fighters came in and

one of the biggest

rivalries in the history

of the ufc and

these two guys are in each

other’s face in your bar are we

gonna do something but yo

to the rescue

i sprinted down

in there got in between them and explained to them

in the language that i’m accustomed to

black guy because i talk

black guy talk

about guy oh for

you give us

you give us an

exact interpretation of what do you

mean my normal

black guy is this

black guy like ii

my formative years were

spent with all

black guys right mike

from 12 well

i moved to a less

black neighborhood when i was 12

and whatever it was still

still hung out with

black kids because

i was already used to that like i was just like

you know that

was just my normal guy what’s it feel like so

you know what i mean hey get out of here

so anyway i get in

these guys face and i like hey man

let’s do this on tv huh

why you guys

gonna waste it right here

cause international incident

they kind of like

broke off and kind of like

laughed the fact that i’m

screaming about an international incident right and

disaster averted

but like they were

serious yeah they were

like i was like you guys are really

couple drinks

these guys get

fired up well there’s

the psychological advantage of not getting the

other guy you know not backing down at all

it’s so important to

those guys and they

understand that yeah i mean it seems

stupid and i

think it is kind of dumb

you know but

i understand it 100 and

you know look

when people get heated into each

other’s faces and you

know and there’s this

especially with two guys that are

about to fight

that these little tiny battles are real

these little tiny

psychological battles

like who gets to tell who to go fuck themselves last

you know who gets to say the last word

you know it’s like fuck man we

might be here all day i’m not

going anywhere fuck you i don’t

get in that road man i am

so not why would you want to get yourself

there well it’s true it’s true but if you’re a cage

fighter it’s a different situation because

psychological warfare

it’s very important it’s very important your mindset

as opposed to

where their mindset is

when the fight

starts you can fuck someone’s head up in a pre

fight but there’s a lot of

fighters that are awesome believe in just like i love

you yeah that’s all nice and good but everybody’s got

their own style

you can’t hate on someone’s shit talk and

style because it really works man

there’s some

there’s some

shit man when you get inside someone’s head

and get them emotional and all riled up

start talking shit

about their girlfriend

talking shit

about their kids

talking shit

about their life

you you start fuck with and

look some people

can take it some people talk shit on them and they

think it’s funny

and it doesn’t hurt them but some guys go

crazy look at fucking

frank meyer when brock

lesnar got in

frank meyer’s face

after he beat the fuck out of him

after he beat his fucking face into the ground

to smashed him then he gets in his face

talk some fucking shit

well use that for motivation

that was real man that was that was a real

anger you know

that guy got fucking furious

because that it backfired

on him but it works on other guys

what do you talk about backfired

well i mean you think that people got sad they

no no no no

no no i mean as far as his performance roxanne

as far as his performance all the shit talking that

right here did

that fire well i just think that brock yeah

brock was gonna beat him just bigger and

i agree but

what i’m saying is it didn’t do any good

it actually got him more of a beating well you know you

know what i’m saying i mean and he got really he got

that was real

if i rather

the anger behind it beat the shit out of me then

let me off easy you know i want it if i lost i’d

lost i want to lose

i don’t want to like oh you hugged me into

the damn bat i want to like yeah did you see the ifc

the josh barnett

geronimo do

i didn’t see you

quick stop it

man i mean josh barnett was

crushing them no don’t get me wrong you

i mean it’s

definitely just

but i was thinking like wow

i don’t know i

think brock

lesnar took more shots than this guy

and the guy got up and he was

really pissed and he protests he was like what the fuck

and granted barnett was killing him don’t get me

wrong barnett looked awesome

i mean he barnett’s fucking

solid barnett’s

solid here’s the

thing as i love the officiating and the

lesnar fight

let him go right you know

i’m a super carwin fan i

love carwin as well

he’s the best guy look i’m a fan of anybody who can win

and brock lesnar

showed his character and coming back for that

second round but he took a lot of shots where

i was looking at

big john who i

think is the best of the business i

think big john and herb dean are the very best

and big but big john stopped that

fight in australia and i was like i wonder who

would have stopped the

lesnar fight

people would have stopped it yeah

totally josh

rosenthall is the shit

that guy is one of

the best rosenthal

he’s the guy

rosenthal is the shit he’s a real fan he

trains he’s a

brown belt in jujutsu what

about herb dean

what herbdine is the shit he’s my

i felt like


coolest motherfucker on the planet who both guys are

and you know

but i don’t

think either one of

those guys could have stopped it

maybe herb herb

might have stopped no i don’t

think he would have

but somebody

might have no one

from that matrix is

gonna stop that eve levine’s a

great referee but he

might have stopped it

yeah you know i’m saying yeah yeah i mean

there’s a few

but all i’m trying to get at is that

moments like that you realize how important a

referee really is

well here’s the

thing is i don’t

i don’t think you

should have been stopped because

he was taking a beating for sure

but if you look at the athlete’s face you have to like

pay attention

to their facial expressions

there and there

if they don’t look like they want out of there

right why stop it

right you know

it’s like i

never once can remember

i remember get my ass kicked a couple times like

like getting kicked and i like remember thinking

don’t stop this

fight like don’t stop it i’m

still here don’t

worry i’m still here and keeping my faith

but if i had

to that’s an

extra thing to

think about

right well yeah

but i just know in my head don’t stop the

fight because i

could tell in a couple

fights i’ve been in

but i’m like getting my ass

whooped i could tell like i’m

like whoa i’m getting kicked i’m getting my ass kicked

right now i

gotta hurry up and get out of this situation

and i but at the same time thinking

don’t stop please don’t stop the fight

cause i’m still here

have you talked

to the diaz brothers or gilbert melendez

or anybody that

was involved

with strike

force brawl

yeah i talked to melendez

he’s cool like

being a melinda

has been cool and buddies on and i was actually

kind of friends with

nate diaz despite

me and nick

never getting

along because do you

think you guys can all

squash oh you don’t get

along with nick and fuck nick

diaz wow whoa

words yeah i said it

anyway what is your problem with nick

diaz no because you know what

i feel like he was a driving factor

in that whole

thing he’s the

first guy to

throw a punch

he started that

whole thing

and it it’s almost

not his fault because he’s retarded

but at the same time

he embodies this cultural

shift that we had

and we really really

started with dr dre

selling us and wa

and it did and sell us this

culture of gangsters

is cool right yeah

gangster is cool in a way

to watch a movie

but being gangster

is just being a little kid

you know what i mean

and starting a big brawl

because what

i talked some shit to your homie

that is just ghetto

and that that that

thing embodies what’s

wrong with the america

right now people don’t take it

like when they asked

about it i came out and apologized

right after that

whole thing went down

cause i was

wrong i stepped in the cage

but no one stopped me i figured

and they won’t

mind it’ll be cool there’ll be a cool way to hide

their own thing what are

you doing and then

come on what are

you doing to the

sound man you’re

freaking this out

sorry anyway so

you know i got in there

they jump on me

that’s not the proper response

like you know you don’t act like a damn savage

brian come on it’s

hard i can’t

you interrupt just

having a thought

yeah so i mean you you had

talked to nick in the past though you guys know what

was is that nick

well after one fight

i did fuck him up pretty good because

after one of

these one of his

fights i was doing the post

fight interview

i’m jason mayhem miller with big deal

that’s usually i did

i didn’t know

setup it was like a

silly it was

just a joke like

he didn’t get the joke though that’s the problem right

i’ll just fuck with he’s like a serious dude yeah all

you know he’s like

i nobody’s bitch yeah dude

you don’t need like that

but what is that

surprising look i like nifty

as a lot i’m a big fan of him as a

fighter i’ve

always been

cool with him as a person

i thought he was

great you know

listen but what is

it what is it

about him that hold no no fun

no fun and games i know

that’s that’s a

weird way to live

right yeah because he just is

he’s i don’t know he’s just

angry with himself so he just he takes but

it’s rare that someone is so disciplined

like as disciplined as he is

i mean nick diaz is in

tremendous shape

just running

and you know

he’s a cardio

guy and works really

hard obviously he’s so good now too man his last few

fights man the fucking

scott smith

fight i was really impressed

frank shamrock i was like god damn he’s like

he’s fucking putting

it together he’s putting it on people i like the

whoop his ass but

but as like a dude like that

whole like always

angry and always

fighting it’s you know it’s unfortunate


way of looking whatever you know

that’s just the

mentality of some people and i

think that you know it’s

weird you see that in someone who’s so good at that

well i mean

what do you mean

you just go to the gym

every day yeah

but to be smart

there’s there’s a certain amount of

there’s a certain amount of

power over your mind and over your will

there’s a certain amount you have

or have a will man yeah whatever dude listen

you have to have a will and discipline

to get that good i got

uncles who are dumb as shit who

would just go to

their construction

job and work hard as hell

every day it

doesn’t take

no listen nick diaz

might not be like

you might not

think he’s the socially

most inept guy in the world

but physically

that guy’s very intelligent look how good his

jiu jitsu is look how good he

fights that takes intelligence it’s just

if he’s not

focusing in

other areas

of his life it

doesn’t mean that he’s not intelligent

there’s no doubt that guy

when you’re that good you’re

super intelligent

i mean i understand

where it all comes from i mean

it’s a programming that you get when you’re really

young and you

think that that’s the way to behave and act

but i think you’ve got a real good

point you know you got a real good

point about

i don’t want to drag

culture i like to have fun

and i act back

wild i do crazy

stuff but you are always cool to people i’ve

never seen you picking

fights for no reason

what’s the point

never seen you

start arguments for no reason

you i’ve always been cool to people i’ve

never seen you

bully people or fuck with anybody

which is really

funny that you

wound up getting this anti

bully show yeah

no no listen

the same job that i’m doing now

man i did the same

thing all growing up it’s so

funny that i got

cause i played this role

my entire life

because every time

there’s a big kid picking on a little kid

i can remember like

three incidents

so you yeah i

would be like

cause i like to

fight i always like to fight

since i was

three years old like i just like

that my dad was in an army and box and

stuff and he

he like so you

weren’t afraid

of it you wanted to get in there and do it yeah

it was weird

and then the

women were talking shit

and bullying somebody yeah

some guy was

bullying another little kid i remember walking

seeing it going

down and he was pushing the little kid around

and i was like

i remember i like i don’t know i

guess i was like nine or eight

i walked over there

and got in between them

and then i beat this kid up

but but did you

start bullying

bullying bully yeah

no absolutely because

maybe you were

bullying oh here

bullying bullies though

is a very common practice

yeah a lot of

righteous people do that i

bullied a bully the

other day using

bluetorcher com my

bully in high

school he used to always fuck with me so what 15 years

later i made a website

where i used to take listerine

strips and put them in animals

mouths but i

would photoshop

like them have blue lips and

stuff like that and

peta or whatever got so pissed off

that they’re like we’re

going to go to this

person’s house and protest them

so i found my

bully’s address

and made this big flyer like got five new puppies

gonna give them two hundred listerine

strips live on on the internet

and here’s stop

right now stop

right now don’t be

admitting this on the internet

what’s wrong

with you huh

stop what you talking

about no it’s fine

i’ve already

admitted it many times on the internet

well not on this fucking podcast

nobody else listened to it sorry peta

sorry peta didn’t mean to do it i’m not talking

about that i’m talking

about the guy huh the guy

doesn’t matter i got

the wrong address

okay well whichever

address you

got you said psychobeat

of evil to some

random person’s

house yeah even

worse dude let’s stop talking

jesus christ

legality no let’s

while we’re on that subject

tell me mayhem the

story of your assistant that did you wrong

and justice

which i think is a hundred times

worse than wait

get out of here

no it’s not because you dude you gave aways

where someone lives huh

that’s where someone

i was just thinking

about peta okay

yeah that’s

where someone

sleeps this is just a

phone number

a phone number is not nearly as bad as the

place where you sleep

the rest of the

story was what was

weird about it is that

he was arrested the same week that this happened for

torture to an animal he left his dog in his house for

weeks at a time

while he was out doing

other bad stuff

and so it just happened at the same week

which made it a million times better

without doing other bad

stuff or yeah bad

stuff and he’s

the way he speaks

i well i’m trying

i’m trying not to get the guy in

trouble or okay

adam all right well we could

move on to the subject revenge was served

so you don’t have to

worry okay good so now we can all sleep

knowing that you won’t be

no it was weird because actually he was

abusing animals the

whole time it is

funny if someone

tries to do a scam and gets busted you know

an interesting

story is the guy who

you know people always ask hey can we take a picture

where you get me in a choke

or i’ll get you in a

choke and i say we can’t

because the ufc

specifically tells us we can’t because

two guys were sued

chuck was sued and matt hughes were sued for taking

pictures with dudes yes

but then why did jim

norton just get choked out the

other day on opiums a video

the video is totally

different because a video

no no no listen a

video is very obvious what’s happening

you know and

by the way it’s jim norton jim norton’s not

gonna sue randy

couture he’s just

random fans that thought they

could make some money

and they pretended that

chuck heard him they pretended

matt hughes heard him

well the guy who they pretended matt hughes

heard him apparently

they investigated this because there was all

these people that said like come on man it’s bullshit

matt’s a nice guy who’s taking a

picture with you you

asked him to do it

this guy turned out he was a dirty cop

oh and they

started investigating him and

found out some shit and now he’s in jail

wow he’s doing

a long stretch he’s doing like 10 years or something

you know why because matt hughes is a christian and

jesus did it

jesus fucked that dude the ass that’s what happened

right there my god

jesus came the

worst thing ever said on a podcast

too bad yeah

that’s the worst

thing to get raped by

imagine getting raped by

jesus not man

she even the destroyer that’s a way better

guys got your

feet and shit

right yeah so

uh tell us what happened with this

this mayhem is uh

like i said

one of the nicest

guys i know totally down loyal dude

but he had an issue with

i had the worst

assistant ever

like literally like i be like

eddie take a

right on ocean and a

right on california all right

right on ocean

right on california

just make a name for this guy

yeah his name is

how about mike is mike good enough

and now mike’s my dad’s tonya

harding tonya

harding okay let’s no

no don’t say tonya harding let’s just call him tanya

okay tiny other time

just take a right

oh no shouldn’t take a

right on california you got it

and he’s like oh

and my friend goes it’s a big yellow building

so i walk to the

the building i told him to go to

and i’m waiting for 15 minutes

and i’m like

what the hell finally i call a guy

what are you doing i

uh i i he’s just

stupid like

okay we’ve established he’s very

poor at his job okay so then he comes but so well then

when he did

fuck you over let’s get on track

this guy fucked you

set it up so you know what i was dealing

with here okay so i’m keep giving him another chance

every time like i’m like okay so

he can’t pay my credit card bill it take me

two two minutes to do it

he has all the information

still couldn’t do it

he can’t figure out

travel velocity

he booked me an hour away from

my family reunion like he’s

he’s terrible at his job okay

okay so he then

goes to one of my

close friends

and just lies

about everything like

like it’s a girl okay

you one of your

close friends yeah this this guy

found her information and contact he with

somehow he got her

email on an email

mostly because

he had to be hating there’s only one

reason why a guy does that guy goes and talks to a girl

and talk shit

about you yeah

that’s a hater yeah i know well don’t

worry i’m well

aware of that so

you know this guy

freaking calls her and just

starts making up

ridiculous stories

the girl believes it like she’s like

believes it totally like

believes it and then it’s like

totally i’m like what the hell

where so he says a

bunch of bad shit

about a bad shit

about me yeah you’re very emotional i can

understand you

have a hard

time getting this out they are yeah they are

yeah it’s fucking

that sucks man sensitive

sensitive but anyway very sensitive

fuck you over

yeah fuck me over

finally i get the

story out of her

she’s tells me why

i’m like what

like he has made all that shit up like really

she buy we make up he

told me she told me all that

i’m like man i suffered for like a week or two

where she was just giving me the boot like no reason

and i don’t

know what and you didn’t know what it was and i didn’t

know what it

was that all stopping you in the back the guy that i

fired the week before

because he’s inept at a job

and i was totally cool with them too so you had already

fired him and then he did all

this i fired him and then he did

all this oh i was confused i thought he did all this

while he was working no

okay so then

so you fire him

he talks shit

about you to this girl that

he’s probably

in love with yeah and then what do you do you put

oh no i was talking to my friend dane cook

and i i aim drop

i totally knew i was talking to my friend dane

cook well you were talking on

twitter right on twitter and i


posted that

guy’s number dude i did that i thought i did that

i did my own number i saw that i saw

you did that so i

was like yeah call a guy anyway and talk to him

so you thought you were

making a direct message to dane cook yeah

you were really just twittering it public

that happens because

i heard they needed an

assistant i can’t figure out how to delete the phone

don’t worry

there’s nice

people on twitter

they’ll delete

leaking your

phone number so intense if my

because that’s like something that

you have so many like a hundred people that know your

phone number and once you leak that like dana

white just leaked it on twitter the other day

you’d lose that

phone number thing

i did with his office number

so they’ll change his office oh that’s not bad

but your cell

phone that’s pretty huge dude you saw what

going on my yeah

that number for a long ass time

you’re gonna

forget how many people have that number when somebody

down the line you’re like

talk good i

think this is

pretty resetting

just reaching

back and trying to grab a hold of people from the past

let that shit

go son it’s kind of fun

when you lose a number i like

gotta go i liked it

now i can’t even turn the

phone on i turned the

phone on it just reboots

because it gets so many texts

cause i turn it on like

every day and when i turn it on

it allow like 5 000 texts

so it just reboots

and then and i can’t use it i try to make a call

or i get calls in on it

i try to answer the call

and while i’m answering the call it’s just constant

buzz buzz buzz of text coming through

buzz buzz or so what you’re

saying is they both

calling in on the

other line and then it reboots

is that red band is

basically turning the

phone on and sitting on it

i’m putting in my flashlight that’s what he likes to do

but so unfortunately you put this guy’s

phone number online but i don’t

think anybody’s gonna call it

no nobody will call his number right

why would there yeah it’s not like it’s my

phone number yeah and it’s not like you’re like this

loved guy and that guy fucked you over yeah

you know i’m saying it may sound like there’s

anybody nobody loves to bully me down well i am

an official mayhem monkey i’m a member of your

fault you’re like number 420

that’s cliche as they make it

folks i had to take it

perfect right yeah bro come on somebody had to be for

yeah mayhem has a call called the mayhem

monkeys yeah i’m down with that shit so

it’s easy you know what i got a mayhem monkey t shirt

two of them i feel like you’re like a like

at least a general

thank you monkey army i mean at least i can’t wait

prime minister well you know what i’m saying how

about this how about

i have a cult you have a cult and

will be like fucking favorite nations and shit we are

you think about it i just want my cold to be

people were

of the same mindset

right you are because we’re all monkeys

spin around a rock in space

right yes i mean that’s what it

is tubes and tunnels

tubes and tunnels

that’s what we have

boys have tubes girls have tunnels

yep oh my god wow

i love brian you know why cause

brian is a grown man with a beard

but he thinks like a 14 year old

so great i like it you have to

i love that personality man

that’s a unique motherfucker right there

did you ever get your mayhem

monkeys all together for kind of like a roller skating

party or anything like that probably

i’ve done that with the rogan board members

it’s almost always awesome

but there’s almost always one dude

that’s creepy in real life

right one dude that

just jacks the parties remember when we did houston

back in the day yeah

who was a good example of that where it

was a couple dudes i don’t remember the names but

i don’t know

what anybody did i

wouldn’t even say it

after meeting them

they stopped they just drop off the the

right board they stopped coming to the board

and there’s been

there’s been members that wives have

found out that they came to

these circle jerks and

memory there’s been affairs there’s been yeah there’s

deaths yeah

i mean our friend outlaw

that was a legitimate friend of ours

that died yeah

he had a heart attack who’s overweight

overweight dude

yeah that’s a business

long as a cool


we knew that guy from like

2001 was when we

first met him in houston right

and he was always on my message

board just a

funny dude just a cool dude

so you can meet

cool people off the internet but the problem is man

for every cool dude

for every 10

cool dudes there’s one or two just creepy fucks

that it’ll show up for your

little thing that’s percentages

on the planet

yeah it’s pretty fucking good

i think you know you

get to know people very well from reading the shit they

write on the internet

that’s why twitter’s awesome because you get to see

is this person a negative person

positive funny

you can see through their

tweets because

they can’t help it they

put themselves out there you know who i love i love

black dudes that give

motivational talk yeah i like

that too i like that too

you know tyrese the actor

that dude who’s always like women

stand up for yourself at all caps

you know make that man respect you baby boys

love yourself before someone else will love you girls

like you like say all this like

crazy super positive

love pimp shit

you know he’s just

slinging his i’m a good guy game

you know what i mean it’s like

i his fucking avatar on twitter

is a him making out with some

check dude is

built like a fucking

greek god he’s a

movie star sexy


i mean i don’t

hate him i’m not hating but but i find it hilarious

when he’s talking all this

superpower pro god love game

like you could tell when someone’s

throwing a game

you know what i’m saying

you can tell when someone’s real

and that’s who they are you can’t

but a lot of people are not as bright as you are joe

rogan but isn’t it fascinating when you see someone’s

throwing a game and

other people aren’t seeing it oh yeah it’s like


you know like anything like that like

i had this neighbor who was a cool guy i

still love the guy and

where i used to live

and he was talking to me

about buying this

piece of property

and then i said well i can’t do it

right now but i really want to pick this up

because my wife is

about to go clear

so i go what are you talking

about he goes

yeah well we’re in

scientology and she’s

going to go

clear and it costs 50 000

otherwise i

would pick this

piece of property up

i go whoa whoa whoa

i go what is

clear like what are you talking about

you know as a comedian automatically i want to

start laughing at them and mocking them

but then my

heckler skills are taking me give him

some rope let’s talk here let’s find out what we got

going on here

so i’m listening

to him he’s telling me that his wife is

going to become

someone who cannot be

influenced by outside forces

dude i’m not fucking with you

what did they get them to the

point where nothing

negative that anybody does to them or says to them

can affect who they are

it’s really fucking some

pretty strong pimp

shit if you think

about it you know someone tells you

that they’re

gonna fit you so nothing’s

gonna come in

what’s uncomfortable

about is you

start thinking you

could do that too you

start thinking i

could do that to people i could get

start writing shit like this no i’m not

i’m talking

about easily easily

easily man it was

a crazy feeling though

knowing that i’m

living next to some dude is just getting raped hey man

we can go down that you know

what i mean

they were taking 50

grand from him man 50

000 the wave of

magic wad nadia i’ll do 50

000 to do some

goddamn voodoo

ceremony on his wife so that she

won’t get affected by

bad buju anymore did

you ever see the

south park episode without the

whole scientology thing

about the crazy

one of the best oh yeah i know when they went over the

whole myth right

yeah oh my god it was genius

south parks the

greatest you know what

though but here’s

the way it is though okay

the way it is is my friend

has a grandma from japan

lived in hawaii but

basically had for the last

thirty years been in the

house cleaning the house

she’s the nicest lady

she got one

of her friends from i don’t know whatever old japanese

ladies do she doesn’t

speak english

but so they go to a japanese church

at a christian church

and they go

they are telling the

story of the virgin

birth and she

suddenly has a

freak out she’s 80 years old she’s kind of

like an old lady like

you believe this

then she went

you in the middle of the

sermon like

you all believe this

this is what the

cause that’s the her

first time in a christian church she didn’t ever

she never heard

about it really she didn’t know the

story oh no it’s not you know she

freaked out she was like

did you guys believe

and fucked up the

whole sermon

and left in the middle of it but

if you draw the parallel

it’s the same thing

it’s kind of hard to yeah i mean i hate

yeah but the

scientology is the same

thing as christiana well

it’s just it’s the 2 000 years younger

yeah it doesn’t matter

anybody telling

you they’ve got all the answers they don’t yeah

no we have this

weird hunger

to figure it all out

but i just good though it’s good because

now we got these


you know science oh

sorry science

not scientology scientists

real scientists and i

think it’s messed up


put it in there to

sound i know

right that is kind of fuck kind of because

their cult was science because

people who don’t want to go to church go

uh wait cyan

sounds better yeah you know but anyway

it has not do with science science

and cotton and

psychology together it’s meshed up

exactly but

but you know

we we all we all have this need to know

everything that’s cool

these smart scientists are

figuring it out

you know they know

the world around because they

shot they definitely shot

here’s the reality here’s

the reality

they’re figuring out

things about matter

they’re figuring out

things about the nature of reality we figure

but there’s way more

the real big question isn’t like how does this work

what makes this

explode what makes an atom what makes the big bang

the real question is what the fuck is all that

that’s the real question

that’s impossible

with just science

it’s gonna take

evolution in science

oh yeah definitely

the real thing that’s

going on is that we have all this incredible

power right now as a

human race but we’re

still in this

crazy adolescent

stage of figuring out how to behave and think and

raise children to be normal humans

you know i mean

it’s a fucking very strange time when you

think about the

power that people have

to change the fucking

world that we live in like with

explosions and all kinds of

crazy shit that people have invented

and how dumb people are as well at the same time

so many dummies

well yeah but you know that i mean that’s the way the

world is you know there’s

smart people out there

and those smart people boss

idiots like me around but has

there ever been

as big a disparity between people who are intelligent

involved and the people who aren’t all living in

the same time there’s actually a lot of right so

scientists are talking

about how things are

gonna go in

which direction they’re

gonna go and they’re talking

about the elite

class of people the

smart people

sometimes some

scientists say

we’re gonna evolve

yeah evolved

just like the time machine

there’s gonna be some goods

and there’s

gonna be the

super smart like

crazy genetically enhanced

robot people i don’t know why people

wouldn’t think that’s possible

you know people want to

think somehow

under the human beings what we are

right now it’s what we’re gonna stay

nope and we’re not we’re

gonna become something else

you know we’re

gonna move on to something

else man who knows what the fuck it is but it’s not

gonna stop right here

i just hoping i get

robot arms up and if you look at like

other animals

like they all a

bunch of different kind of subspecies

where they branched off and the

humans themselves

we at one point in time are related to some

other kind of primate

the same primate that the chimps were

related to and they all went in different directions

like who the fuck are we to assume that

it’s gonna stop the branch that’s

gonna stop here no we’re not

i don’t think anybody is

anyone think that though

some people yeah

no what are you talking

about man most people think that

we’re here this is how we’re stand

when they can’t even see that

the chinese

chick i dated

her parents like

super short

and she just sprung up to like five foot eight

you know out of nowhere

well guess what she’s

eating this chemically processed food

and all of a

sudden she get huge and she had big

boobs i’m like

what your asian your mom is super flat

your dad is like a scrawny you got

a woman you know you’re having more

babies now there’s more twins

oh yeah that’s like some chemicals they pumped in

her though like some

female steroids yeah that was on purpose to yeah

projected embryos

in her well that happens all the time that

people like they can’t have a kid you know they’re like

i just want to have a baby and they eject the lady

with a bunch of hormones

so she’s super fertile

then he put

he drops his

blood inside of her

and all of a

sudden you pop out a litter of puppies

you know that

and they even put embryos that’s what i’m saying

i mean actual embryos

you know like old

women who no longer have any eggs and their body

and bodies are

starting to get used to having like

12 kids at once is now

would a body be able to have 12 kids

10 years ago well i’m

just hoping to see the turtle

woman who like has all her kids on the

beach and then

covers them up with sand

i think it’s a disturbing idea for people to

think that there’s

gonna be two

groups of humans

intelligent ones and more on ones and

they literally be two different species because

people were

worried that they

would be in the

moron group

that’s what it is everybody’s like i don’t even

wanna talk about this this is not real

no bullshit people are

gonna evolve together

we’re gonna help each

other stop thinking like that you’re a pessimist really

watch the fucking news

really you don’t

pay attention to some of the

crazy shit that you hear people do

you hear about people fucking

their kids going into

stores with machine guns and

you don’t think

that there’s somewhere it’s somehow possible that that

might be a separate subspecies of people eventually

completely unrelated to bill gates

like so totally different yeah well

it’s just a matter of time man

ah you know what i’m cool with being on the

lower end i’m like whatever i’ll be like the

smartest dumb guy to be awesome

like that act sweet and

savage i’m like

what 7 eleven

give me the food you

might be having

more fun and you

might be getting more

chicks because the

smart chicks

it’s hard to get them to commit to a relationship

they’re very wary of you

they want to like i don’t you seem like a guy who’s

gonna abuse my emotions

the dumb chicks like oh you’re hot jason

the dumb ones

are sometimes it’s more fun if you want to party

partying with dumb people sometimes is a lot more fun

and partying with

smart people want to fucking cry

talk to you

about your ex

husbands and shit you wanna

smoke a joint

and then fucking yeah cry

about your ex

husband fuck

do you i mean

think about it if you’re just a guy trying to have

a good time you have two options one is a girl who’s 23

just got out of college

she’s out with all of her best friends and they’re all

drinking okay there’s that or

she’s thirty one she’s smoking

cigarettes she just

broke up with her boyfriend she thinks she

might be pregnant

you know who the fuck you

gonna talk to who you

gonna talk to oh yeah you

wanna talk to the

smart chick who just

graduated from

college and she’s not exactly sure what she’s

gonna do with her life and like

hey hey hey

i just wanna dance

can we just have a

drink and have some fun no

no so you got

maybe have a point

if you want

to have some

fun just fun

studies studies disagree with you because

right at from age

27 and 45 is like a

woman’s sexually

already hardy

for sure sexual prime

all i’m saying

telling me a

23 year old is not blowing you

know we’re talking

about dumb and

smart oh that’s all i’m talking about

i’m not talking

about necessarily the the age

i think the

chicks are hottest when they’re in their 30s

because they became

women and they know each

other i’m just saying

in our theoretical

world of two different subspecies

you might be better off being king of the retards

because you get a lot of hot

tricks that are just like

really easy and fun to hang out with

whereas opposed to

you hang out with a lot of

smart chicks like they’re

gonna want a lot of commitment

i think we’re

gonna have to have a relationship we have a

black president we have a

black president

it is the future now

and i am the king of the retards

i’m chubby enough in

texas that i’m a

supermodel yeah in

texas you fit

right the fuck in fucking dude

girls like a

man with a gut yeah

girls like a man with a little gut in texas

that’s a man who’s living biggers better

look in the old days man fat bras were

attractive that’s why

those old paintings like fat

man yeah yeah

like she’s so luxurious look she gets to get fat

nobody else got fat man

when you look at those old

pictures of fat

bitches you’re like why is that sexy what the fuck was

wrong with them

what was wrong was it was hard to get food

that was their bling

they were bling

bling and look at all this titty look at all this shit

right here i got all fat

hanging off my arms and shit that’s how much food i got

bitch i don’t

think they talk like that mr

peters those

pictures were

the that was the

equivalent of dub magazine

that was the

equivalent of

mtv cribs they were showing their

bling this is my

bling look at all my fat

i just been eating shit pigs and shit all day i mean

pigs yeah you

could be fat and fucked up and you looked like royalty

whereas everyone else was

sinewy and they fucking worked all day they were

built like mayhem all so you’re

saying if i go back in time i want to plow some

some hood rats

that you’re saying

well you go back in time you know

maybe fat chicks you’d

fall into a

whirl the fat

chicks were

made maybe the only reason that guys

could get fat

chicks is because they had

those gay powdered wigs on and then only fat

chicks would bump

off the same era

i don’t think i’m

not sure well i heard

wigs powders

went a long way

going off with i

think it was getting out of that when jerome

was painting

people didn’t wash back then

yeah who care

they wash like very rarely

well you wash your armpits and your junk you do like an

irish shower real quick god

damn how much did people

think back no way

but i think

though but i

think that’s how we’re supposed to be

yeah we’re always

trying to kill our pheromones off of each

other do you

think that if people just walked around all day

funky that you get used to know

no i think you

might you guys like getting used to

the cat litter box i

smell it every day i still love

bro listen bro

when you do

jiu jitsu you get used to stink

i don’t mind

it at all you don’t mind it

dude i locked up with this guy the other day

and as soon as we

started rap on his

shirt smell like pneumonia

maybe they always

leave their shit

when people

leave their gee

in there in

their bag and then they put it on

again a second time it’s got that

smell uh huh

this guy is rash

guard for sure he wore it

twice you know

that’s what happened some some dudes do that they

bachelor’s and shit they don’t have

any laundry they don’t have the time to do it they work

you get used to it

i got yeah i actually i

like listen

bro you say

that but you

would but i

smell cat litter for the last 10 years

that it smells like assholes yeah yeah you

would smell

like aspirate

that’s why it’s not

human it’s not

human it’s not human

listen human

body works i hope this

is actually

dangerous for you

it’s like you

have a bacteria that can give you disease yeah

that’s why it’s so repulsive

to you had to explain that to this guy

right now it’s a big difference between it

explain this she’s very

smart just a little stone

sorry i’m just

saying shit is bad for you just so you know

how rude this is trying

no but i like

stinky people i don’t

even mind stinky people

unless what

about stinky

pussy though

not if it’s negative you could

smell the negative

smell however

man every girlfriend i’ve had

whether she knew it or not

i smell her armpit

hard really yeah

every time i can’t help if my nose

doesn’t work that good sometimes

when i get warmed

up it works just fine isn’t it amazing how repulsive

stinky pussy is oh man

and this is not

a woman hating

statement at all i

understand it’s like no one’s

perfect it’s just a health problem it’s all it is it’s

a bacterial infection or whatever it is

it’s nothing

wrong i mean it happens to people but

the smell itself is such a warning sign to men

whatever the fuck it is

pussy always

smells awesome

when you get down there you

smell the hormones and

the moistness of it it has like this

glazed fucking

scent to it like you just

barely pick it up

you smell a

woman through her

pussy i mean

a clean fresh

pussy is a fantastic odor

but when it’s

nasty when she’s got some sort of a

yeast infection or something

it’s horrifying

like all of your synapses are firing

all of your

senses are going

get the fuck

away from that

the last thing you wanna do

i mean i will eat a girl’s ass

after she gets back from the gym

way quicker

than i would ever even

think about

going down a girl as a

yeast infection

has anybody ever gone down a girl as a

yeast infection

absolutely cottage

cheese is delicious but you know it’s really

you know it’s bad also is so pussy

where they don’t

clean out the

soap enough and you’re licking you’re like this

tastes like i’m fucking washing my soap out

rather be licking a dial factory than i

would a yeast factory

i like i like the

muffler of you ever

have you ever gone down a girl when she had a

yeast infection

well i mean i sure i have

like you know do

at what level does it become a

yeast infection i mean at the one

point it’s like

getting there and then beyond it then it stinks

but i’m sure

you know it’s got this period

blood this period

blood bug you

it depends on the

girl i found

like real blood

i’m now the girls

i’ve recently been turning into

brave are you know putting fucking

stripes underneath my eyes fucking

drinking that shit i

think if you turned on enough you don’t give a fuck

yeah for sure

that’s what it is like whenever i hear like

girls will complain they will tell you stories

about their you know

their boyfriend won’t fuck

them when they’re on the rag and he’s disgusted by it

yeah like that guy’s not that into you

right let me

tell you something if a guy wants to fuck you

he doesn’t care if

your pussies red

that’s that’s nonsense

what is the difference if it’s it’s it’s

slippery and red or

slippery and

clear i don’t

know it can have a

order i don’t give a fuck that’s just blood

if i’m horny

and that’s it you’re on your

period oh there’s

gonna be some

blood but it

works a shower

it’s fucked

by more bleach not just

blood dude it’s like

dude i don’t care clots eggs yeah all of it

embryos i don’t

give a shit chew it up like a country breakfast

when my shit is

ready to go and i go into gorilla mode i don’t

give a fuck about you

i don’t care

about you you’re not

gonna bury your

face in are

you kidding

i would now

fuck yeah i

would i would eat a

pussy yeah red wing

time twenty

right now yeah

if mrs rogan is on her period i’ll eat that

pussy i don’t give a fuck

i like it i don’t care

i’m not scared of blood dude

i got this werewolf

fucking fixation yeah

i’m not i’m not

but i don’t like

those when i feel

to wash it off and then you have like that cocoon

shell on your dick the next morning

where you pull it off like a locust

you forget yeah

yeah you can all be a

crusted and scaly

you gotta pick it off a tree yeah

it’s got its little legs still

like locust

skins it fluffs off like a

oh wow we just took things away

somebody’s turn it’s a good turn man because

that’s a primal

thing these are all like primal messages

that nature gives you these are all good things

that’s good for the chick it’s good for you

you know when you go down on the

chick and you smell her and she

smells awesome and you wanna eat her pussy

that feels good for her too that’s like

extra excitement

like you’re into it she loves it

and there’s just

burst of positive energy that’s all good stuff man

there ain’t nothing

wrong with that

you know and the fact that somehow or another

you’re not supposed to talk

about this or

it’s supposed to be something that’s you know

discussed behind closed doors

that’s just

cause people are afraid yeah

they’re afraid of

their feelings

they’re afraid of emotions they’re afraid of looking

ridiculous well that’s our

whole culture too

we have like a

whole like crash

stop on sex like

oh my god sex like

yeah whoa what do you draw like how come you can’t talk

about one of us is here

because two people

fucked yeah

that’s the how

come you can’t talk

about eating

pussy on the

today show why can’t i go on a

today show and just respect because you

don’t want to

see those what

katie curry

getting horny

you don’t want to see that you’re trying to protect you

they’re trying to protect you from

gross women getting

horny if i caught

katie couric

ten years ago

and we got drunk together in a

hotel corner

right now what are

you talking

about i was a single

man you still you record

record record

come on katie

current if you want some

if you want some

if you ever had some athlete dick

you ever had some

mma fighter dick you ever have some gladiator cock

jason mayhem miller is ready to

throw down do

you want to be mayhem

monkey number four two one you want to see our

rope positions available

you and me in the record books yo our roper

with a boner doing the weather do you want that

why would al roker get hard do you

think al roker

would get hard from

katie kirk fuck yeah

that’s like his

sister that gets more

money than him dude you know they all

but they hate each

other they all fuck each

other in the

dressing room

you are fucking hogging up my

screen time

i bet they get all shitty with each

other i don’t like the way you

threw to that

piece fuck you

katie you made

fifty million dollars this year you fucking whore

they probably yell at each

other shit how

you you read

the fucking weather what do you do what do you do you

pointed shit

you think you’re talented

you think you can

have a conversation you’re

better i’m a conversationist

you’re a fucking sideshow

people tune in to see how much weight you lose

get out of here you

know that their managers do that not them

do you think they bang

could you imagine

katie kirk and that’s

how all bang

secrets are being exposed

because of the internet i mean look at this mel gibson

thing oh my god no gibson is on

this oh my god i love

it more than george w bush

like the best

hilarious guy ever i love him more than i’ve ever

loved a male celebrity

he is hilarious

because he’s a

train wreck

he’s a train

wreck but everybody gets to see it so he can

i’m sure he must have

been a fucking nightmare to be in a relationship with

but i don’t

think we’re

getting all the fucking details out of her either i

think that bitch is fucking cuckoo

and cocoa puffs oh

natalie because

the chicks always

eggidood on

how is she she said

that’s why because she’s already done all the work

now she’s collected

dividends by recording

of here’s the deal

ladies please

if anybody talks to you like that

don’t talk to them

never just hang up don’t ever

engage and i

understand she’s got a kid with them

but let’s be realistic

this shit didn’t

start yeah but this shit didn’t

start recently

those kind of

screams that

motherfucker’s been ramping up for years

yeah that’s years worth

of build up to get to that

point where

that kind of

crazy is acceptable

you know what i mean

you can’t release that kraken on the

second day of the relationship

right to get that kind of crazy

you gotta get to know each

other for a long ass time

to the point

where you feel like you

could just be

completely insane with her

you fucking cunt whore

i hope you get

right by a pack of nuggers he just

starts talking

super crazy talk what

that’s been

building up

what it was like a sex

thing between them and

it was like

role playing and that she took the recordings of

and this is like that’s a good you

know what i like

you fucking

bitch you the

whole time is

master made

that’s why he’s out of breath going

you know what he

could say if he was like a jacqueen phoenix type dude

he could say this is all performance art yes yeah yeah

that’s all he has to

say he could say it’s

like my ea you

know what he

could say too he

could have a public apology

and say none of this was ever meant to get

get out and i

definitely took it too far

and i definitely

think i got too into character

and said some shit that was offensive

and i never wanted people to hear it

and all i was

doing was exploring this character that i was creating

for a new role

about a guy

who was this very wealthy man with a russian

bride who was trying to kill him and he went crazy

so i was exploring this character i apologize

and she took its way out of contacts

and mel call me we

could work this

shit out son

katie mayhem called me i

wanna fuck mayhem and i got it dude we’re

gonna meet you in malibu

we’ll get some

sushi at nobu holla

dude i know

i know a guy that sushi

fk my friend k works there at nobu

we’ll get you together

bro mel we got you dude back twittering this is exist

mel this is all just a misunderstanding

this is a character you’re working on i know

mayhem knows for sure we got you

didn’t it though as a

crazy person mayhem

didn’t it make you

happy that someone was way crazier than you yeah

like i was like whoa i would

never say some shit

like that like i get banana sandwich something like

fucking flip my lid

but i would

never like i don’t know maybe

it’s just not my character though like i don’t lie

like i wouldn’t say anything

racist cause i

would say some

crazy shit but i

could never

bring it to that level

where you’re like shit whore

cut then again

i don’t have any kids

so baby it made him

crazy like when a dog has a baby it

starts to get

super protective well dr drew says

and i don’t know if dr drew is

right but dr drew says that he

thinks that what it is is an imbalance he

he thinks that mel gibson is something

wrong with his

brain yeah for sure bipolar

well because

if he’s getting hammered all the time and then

yelling at cops

about that was the other

thing dr drew said he was talking about

recovery and the fact that

mel was in recovery for alcohol and then he might have

fucked up and fell off the wagon

so he might like

legitimately be

crazy yeah you know

sounds like it

sounds like it

right like cause that’s not normal guy psycho

he would hung up

after he set his piece

brian you ever

met anybody that crazy

yeah it’s usually thyroid

conditions and shit like that but

maybe he just got so

stuck into the like lethal

weapon you met

somebody that crazy

huh you mess up you who do you know that’s that crazy

i made a stripper

that you don’t have to say names and x

yeah okay okay no not

just a person just a girl i know that used

to work with okay oh that girl

that the one the one with the hair yes that girl

and that girl

would get that crazy huh

well you could tell it was a

irritation brought on by you know

of chemicals chemicals

stuff you know yeah

and you could tell it was just one day was awesome

other day it was like

the worst storm and

people that don’t have any medical issues are so

quick to dismiss that shit

right you know the bottom line is man

the body fucks up and sometimes

doesn’t produce the shit it’s supposed to produce

right totally

i just think

anytime somebody has

you know whatever a mental condition

and then he

and then exacerbates it with alcohol

alcohol drugs or whatever it

means popping them adderall so you know

that’ll make you say a lot of guys who write

do adderall

apparently yeah because you sit

there super

focused and right i tried that

and i had a flip out like that

because the doctor said oh you have add

oh really i’ve add

i’m just hyperactive really

and then he gave me that

stuff and for a while i was writing blogs on mayhem

or right or whatever

man out of nowhere to start flipping out like

losing my mind well

it’s like speed

it is speed it is methamphetamine

salts that’s what it’s called

they didn’t even

hide the name in a different name it is methamphetamine

salt yeah that’s what it’s called the generic

you get generic it’s methamphetamine salts

generic for adderall

like whoa they’re selling this to kids

brian look that up

no i’m not no

i believe you but

i want to cause

after i may be

crazy i was

a chemical termist that’s insane yeah i have a friend

what should i google

adderall adderall

and make you

psycho name

chicks take it all the time

at all i’ve been in wikipedia probably i know

two model chicks who take that i

have as friend

of your appetite

yeah they just walk around

super scrawny and

ripped up oh my god that’s so

crazy how much

b twelve do you take per day

i probably take a five hundred milligrams

are you sure

about that why

just wondering you

just being what brian

i found that adderall i like niacin

better i have a

buddy who’s

a comic who’s on the adderall

and he says it helps him


says before

yeah well he’s a dude who

doesn’t take care of himself his body

he’s in his 40s

and he looks like he’s falling

apart he’s just one of

those dudes that’s just

never been real health conscious

and he was having issues with energy and focus

and they got him on this adderall shit and now this

motherfucker just works his ass off

he could just sit in

front of the computer 10

hours at a stretch and

write books

hey man hitler

gave it to the

to the fighter the soldiers in his army

hell what do you call

her what am i

talking about

there’s greetings there’s greedy’s

in the vietnam era

the greetings the guys are taking it and

going on ruck marches for like two or

three days well i thought

the japanese invented it i thought they invented it

and then they tested it out on kamikaze

pilots that’s what i had read

or maybe i had seen a documentary

remember totally

but it was something on

the creation

of methamphetamines and it was connected to kamikaze

pilots that that’s how they talked

those guys into

going crazy and

slamming their

plane into boats

is that they were all methed out of

their heads

which totally makes sense

yeah i don’t imagine being in war

you imagine

being over there always

army being in war

and being methed out of your fucking mind

surrounded by

other dudes

methed out of

their fucking

mind and everyone’s got guns yeah but you know what

jack dudes are like real serious i

lived over there they’re like very like

focused on everything

they’re probably like warrior

culture huh yeah yeah

i love it over there man

it’s great i love it

you’re a huge

star over there too

you’re a much bigger star in

japan than you are i wish that i

you know they i

could fight over there more

but right now they

kinda these

fuck animals love you over there oh man

it’s true you know why because i make an effort

and actually my

riotron and

miley you know my best

buddy i call maniki

that means like big brother

and he’s like my guy and i

lived over there and i

like because of the

limited japanese i can speak


with japanese

fighters and i

would just be me

and you know

18 japanese

fighters eating at a sumo restaurant

like that is me and

bunch japanese dudes

and i kind of got used to

their culture

right i kind

of got into it like i was like fan i’m a japanese dude

right now they’re so serious man you know i

hope that’s not

true but i don’t mean

about not joking around

i mean about like

their their

their energy like

their warrior

spirit they’re so fucking driven with it you know it

it’s such an interesting

culture the

culture that

really appreciates the effort

like dudes will lose and get

so many fans

you know dudes will just

fight like a warrior go

out yoshi show

heart in losses

you become more and more popular look at sakuraba

it didn’t matter how many times he lost

nobody ever gave up on him

it’s like boxing like if

dale hoya gets

knocked the fuck out two times in a row nobody’s

gonna go see him

fight everyone’s

gonna say hang it up

dale hoya but

sakuraba dude it

doesn’t matter how many times he got his egg scrambled

people showed up to

watch him fight

again and they

cheered him like he

was they respected him because yeah it’s a bit of those

lesser versions

where he’s getting his ass kicked and come back and win

i love japan just for k1

i just love that they put on k1

cause if it wasn’t for japan

like real high

level kickboxing

especially in

those big heavyweights and shit

there’d be nothing man

where the fuck

are anybody putting on shows in america i mean

there are multi

shows and shit like that but there’s nothing televised

there’s nothing that people

like had that

steam built like the ufc from

their negative side

where no one had that

steam built

about kickboxing

that anybody cared

kickboxing was like a

stupid movie was amongst

my level guys though man it’s so fucking

exciting i know the pka

that pka karate

shit in the 80s

ruined kickboxing in america because everybody got the

the concept bad

brad hefton

and shit throwing

flippy kicks and yeah it’s like

super like d

level athletes

doing this and

there’s such a big difference between

kickboxing above the

waist and kickboxing with leg kicks yeah you add

those leg kicks it changes the

whole for you got to be way

stronger like you have to be like a strong

tough dude who

yeah mentally

could take it because

yo my legs are sore

right now from this morning’s

training and how

we took like two with

with shit pads on did you see the his

oh shamrock fight

last weekend

paid for himself

no shamrock

yeah i didn’t see that can

shamrock got

smashed oh come on he

stood up though

but he finished him with a leg kick

yeah the final leg kick he’s

so it is so hard to

watch man you

watch you just go ah

because you

could feel pedro

with those tree trunk legs

just the bone just slams into ken’s leg and you look on

ken’s face for years for years

yeah so the

randy couture

fight randy had a rehab

his legs for six fucking

months i know he has like a

weird vein sticking

out from that

fight so does randoman

from hit pedro hiso

both guys from his oh

chop at you so hard

with such good technique and he’s so fucking big he

would jack guys legs so bad

they would literally

never be the same

again i’ll tell you you know you as a fighter

one of the rare

awesome things i’ve seen in my life like

i just remember the

first time i kick somebody

real good in their ribs

i kicked them hard

with my shin bone

was one of the most amazing feelings cause i

never knew boy tie

i moved to california and

train boy tie for real and kicked the pads real hard

and then i remember the guy came and he

threw a left he

threw a jab

and i turned and kicked

and when my shin

with like it went

into his ribs i could feel

everything move

right in there

man almost unreal feeling my life because i felt

his body changed

because what i was doing

and i was like

man and he was

after that point of the

fight he was

kinda done like he was like

and he let me beat him up

cause i kicked him i got him a good one in the ribs

and he was done

after that because

you know your body

your body is

to go that way muay

thai is the way to go there’s some kicks from

taekwondo that are really effective that guys are

using now like

kang lee’s bringing back the turning

sidekick in a 360

dudes spart

would piss me off

they’re like

that you learn how to kick

where you’re like what

about like it’s a hard one but it’s so fast

right and it’s not the same as a boy tie kick

where you digging through with the

whole body yeah

there’s fast hair

it’s faster

yeah the guys

will piss me off just

kick me across the face real

quick the best guys

are the guys who have the combination of both types of

styles they

have the ability to

throw like taekwondo fast kicks

sidekicks and

turning sidekicks but they also have the muay

thai leg kicks

and the muay thai

defense is important too you know

you gotta know how to fucking deal with

those shins

slamming into your arms

was those pka

guys they never got kicked like that

very rarely did a guy get his arm broken the pka

but in like k1 labana

broke his arm i mean

frank shamrock got his arm broken because

you have to be

aware of the leg kicks too yeah

so like you’re like

worrying about all this guy’s

gonna kick me in the leg

were you right

prime range from to kick

your arm off its side it’s that but it’s also the shin

you know those

other guys just did not

understand the

power the shin everybody was

going in step i

understand the power

yeah but you know here’s what that if you take away

a boy tie guys leg kicks

right and make him by pk

that style of

above the waist

lends itself for like slap

fights yeah it

doesn’t turn into like a real

kickboxing match

where you got

another huge element when you add knees and you

add those leg kicks oh

that huge huge

huge element because you know why i’ve thought

about a lot and i visualized it a lot

and i always like

in my fights i always feel

then okay this is the end of my

range with my hands

and i go i feel

about with my legs i go

okay that’s the end of my

range with my kicks

and i figure that out in the

first minute or two

and i go okay that’s

where i can play

okay so then you know i

with that kickboxing thing

you gotta stand so

close to each

other and what not you can’t really

get a good dig

you know you can’t really get

there wasn’t

exciting knockouts it was like

a lot of times guys standing

like rocket

soccer robots just

up kicking out

i mean there were some

exciting fighters like

don the dragon wilson was really

exciting at it and

i was like a little kid

who wants that

dennis alexio he fought

when they had leg kick style

that was that was leg kick stop yeah but that was

a transition

where they were trying to put like

leg kick fights on tv i remember don

wilson fought alexio on

tv what yeah

i don’t remember man was back in the day son

but don don

the dragon wilson fucked up dennis

alexio with leg kicks yeah that’s how he won that

fight yeah so but once you take that away

there’s not a big

spot where you

could set up

to make a hard kick to the

up aren’t you surprised though that someone

hasn’t figured out a way to do some sort of a k1

thing in america

i know k1 has had a few

fights in america but

how the fuck is that not on tv so

like whenever that shit’s on like the k1

grand prix i get

fired up see

like butter hard

all the time

they put it on there but

you know it’s one of

those things that has broken

over thank god

for mark cuban and that ht

net man i watch more

mma because of ht

net that’s a

great network

i’m just surprised that no one’s got a kickboxing lead

i think kickboxing

chuck norris got a kickboxing

i went to that

shit son i got a hug by

chuck norris yeah one of the

proudest moments of my life and i was

so pissed i didn’t want to go back and say can i take a

picture with you and be all cheesy

but chuck norris when he met me

he reached out his hand and gave me this big

giant hug and

he like slapped me on the back i’m like i’m in

um and do you

understand me i just got love from

chuck norris do you remember

any details from that day like that certain smell or a

like a love

i remember love was in the air no dude

we were at vegas

and we were at a wcl one of those

world kickboxing leagues or whatever

the name of it was it was

vegas or atlantic city i

think it was

vegas i’m not sure anyway

i just went up and i said

to one of the guys that was working there said do you

think i can meet

chuck norris

and the guy goes yeah i’m like fuck yeah come on man

and he just brought me over to

chuck norris and i was just

gonna say sir i’m a huge fan very nice to meet you

and but chuck norris

fucking opens his arms gives me his big

giant smile

and says joe what’s

going on here

man give me this big hug

joe rogan so awesome

he got a hug

from chuck norris

and lived to tell the tale

it is beard

scratch your

cheeks i wish it did

dude i was for real man

as a kid i was a huge quarter

chuck norris fan

and to the dragon that

fight with bruce lee

all the fucking

missing in action

movies i mean as dumb as they were

what was that lone wolf

mcquaid that was a shit son come on man with a little

david carradine

extra points

lomo of okay dude

chuck norris was the fucking man

so for me to have

chuck norris recognize me

and give me his big hug and call me by name

i was like oh

shit it’s like the best birthday present ever

game has morpheus

morpheus do

what no you don’t want to

audio no that

would be fine

i don’t want to talk about that

i don’t care

stalker character

i don’t want to give him fuel you know i’m saying

i see you baby

shaking that

ass shaking

an ass your dogs giving up on trying to kill

yeah he’s good he settled

just want to kick it

he was he was

ready to fucking engage yo man yo he hates squirrels

birds and cats

like he will fuck some shit up

if it’s if he can get a hold of it he’ll run

i’ve seen him run into this into a busy

on fairfax and

libre i mean

fairfax and third

he ran out into the

street after a bird

let me ask you this what do you think

about strike

force do you like working for them

yeah so cool

everyone’s cool i mean

yeah you know i feel like they just have

some certain

problems that

will be fixed

as time goes on

but you think if it wasn’t for this battle

with the diaz brothers this this

thing in post fight

thing with gilbert

munda is anything

do you think you

would be challenging for the title

right now because

jake just abandoned it

i mean you had

the toughest

fight with him your

fight with him was

way tougher than henderson’s fight with

you know i guess

i guess you know what i shouldn’t say that

that’s not really fair

because dan came really

close to putting them out the

same thing is dan

came closer to

putting them out really

jake is such a damn good

fighter he like

jake you up

as fuck yeah he went

fuck it i’m just

gonna keep going

but from that

point on it was a route

yeah i mean it did one

close i was like it

seemed like dan was having a

hard time making way it didn’t seem like the normal dan

oh really yeah

i think i think 85 is

hard for him

he looked he looked like kind of

run down yeah

dan’s a thick dude

i think him making 85

hello i disagree with you i know this because i

train really

he like walks around like 197 but he

doesn’t like cutting that weight man well of course

cause dude he’s fucking

40 years old you

know yeah but that’s what i’m saying i’m saying at that

age you know you

get over it i’m sure you get over it you know he’s been

making weight

since he was what like

brian what was it

what are you doing nothing

like eight years old i know but

when you get

to be 40 that’s really hard to do yeah for sure but

dan if he catches you with that fucking

right hand oh god

damn you got problems we all know that

that dude’s got

one missile man

let me knocked out vanda

way vandala

was left oh he’s

got a strong core and yeah

oh yeah super hard

punch yeah you got fucking problems you know

i mean he’s not like

you know a masato technique

striker yeah

yeah but god

damn he’s got haymakers but uh you

know yeah maybe i

kinda gave strike

force a black eye

you know i brought some attention to us

but i gave strike

force a black eye a little bit by

cause of that

whole drama

but did you

cause it you didn’t want to start a

fight i didn’t want to

start a fight of course i want to go on their ass

you wanted to hype up a rematch and

everybody’s on cbs let’s make some money

let’s get everybody

fired up and enthusiastic

about this and everybody wins

it’s not like you were

going in there with

an angry mean face on

looking to fight him

right and there

what it was was

it’s like i don’t know the cbs not get it

everybody was mad at me and i’m like guys

what happened

negative here

i got jumped on i didn’t get hurt

i totally did not

understand why you were getting all the

blame for that i know

the people who

should have got the

blame were the people who let you in

no one should have let you in that was an oversight

they know that now it’ll

never happen

again that’s what

running a business is all

about no one’s perfect

but once that said

what it was

was there was too many fucking people in the octagon

there was you who was

an unwanted person in the octagon

and you were


with someone who was getting

their glory

the whole thing was just badly run it was

chaos you get a

bunch of fucking dogs together okay

and dogs start growling

and shit happens

you can’t get mad at the dogs

you just can’t

look i think those guys

should have done that but

fuck man you know emotions run high

after victories

things happen people get crazy

and what’s the

worst that happened

they have got

jumped on tv yeah you got fucking kicked in the head

while you on the ground

i got fined

for it and it’s suspended i’m like

how long they suspended for

three months

three months and but if i

would have argued with it

it would have been like

you can’t win because

if you win it sets a precedent i know yeah

when is the last time anybody ever

tried to get a

fight overturned or

protested something ever

and it came through

any steroid tasks anything radical

protest is some

stoppage or something and it worked

no it didn’t

never works nobody

yeah benji radic protested the

scott smith fire wasn’t it wasn’t it

yeah i think was a

you thought it was stopped too soon

you know what man that

people fuck up and it’s a terrible

thing that people

fuck up but once they fuck up it’s very rare that it

is like look

straight to the future with the positive mindset

and usually you know works out for me

so who do they have

lined up for you in

october i’m not sure

we’re trying to put big diaz together

oh goodness yeah little grudge

match so so

guess what i

started a grudge match

and it ended up

now they’re

gonna use it you know what i mean like

okay now we got a grudge

match well that

would be a hyped up

fight you know

so that would be in

october do you know

where it’s gonna be at

nope no i don’t know anything i don’t know

if it’s happening yet but you know i like to rub my

mouth off and hopefully make it happen

are you bummed out that you don’t

fight for the ufc

no no you’re

fine with strike

you know i got a good deal and

whatever and cool yeah the

ufc’s the biggest show in town and and i

understand that and

like when you see like

you know like jail sun and

challenging anderson for the

title you look at that shit and

said god damn it that

could be me i wish yeah

i wish i could

fight anderson

yeah it’s like one of those

things like

like right now at this

stage of my career cool

if something gets worked out

where i could

work with them in the future okay cool but

you know right now i have a contract

and you know i’m

generally pretty

happy and you know

whatever how cool

are you with dana you and dana cool

i don’t know

i don’t know

about but she

doesn’t say hi to me

so i’m like oh

well damn did say hi to me like what

but i don’t know you

think you’re

crazy man me were

you thinks i’m

crazy i and i don’t

blame them because my

i’m crazy but but not the pretty

controlled and if you

if i get on the same page as somebody

we could be

crazy i’ll be the crazy guy

and you make some money

we’ll both make money

how long do you

think bully b town is

gonna go on

man the way too long i

think i’ll be old

man really yeah dude it’s

it’s juggernaut

god i thought it wasn’t and then i did the third

season i recorded it all

and it’ll be released that you

know how crazy it

would be if you were on

bully beat down and you’re the

ultimate fighter at

the same time

bro i already have too much tv time as god as it is

right now you can’t take it yeah

no i like it

i don’t mind

but what i’m saying is i don’t know people

get sick of me

no one’s gonna get sick of you mayhem

don’t worry

about that fella all

right we’re here for you all

right just take a little bit less b12

yeah no man

what is it about the b12

gives you energy you

think too much b 12s

know what i

did this girl nice

and fucking

freaks me out man

huh nice oh

man you burn your

whole body your

whole body man

you know what i got used to it now and i like it i like

it like it’s burning my

whole body but i like it

i did this girl got me all the

vitamins and what not and man i’m like this is the best

thing that happened to me

that’s very

important man supplements it’s amazing nobody yeah

i you know what i just

started taking supplements like this year

i never took supplements i was just like whatever wow

that’s crazy

it’s stupid

to what it is because i yeah you need


yeah i didn’t

think that it was that important but man i feel

a market difference well you know what it is is it’s

market it’s

marketed rather if you

listen to people

like doctors

tell you all you need is a multivitam and all that

stuff is nonsense

you know why

it’s because it’s not fda approved oh it’s not approved

well it doesn’t mean just because it’s not approved

doesn’t mean it

doesn’t work

right there’s a lot of anecdotal

evidence for people that are taking it that are having

pretty positive results there’s like

nootropics that i take that make your

brain work better

there’s a whole

bunch of yeah

yeah give me some of that yeah i got some i’ll

write you down a list of all the different charities


you know what it is

but there’s a

bunch of different

things that are designed

new tropics designed just to increase cerebral

activity you know you’re talking

about that and

i think that we live in a

culture where

it’s not about living better really it’s about

just living

above the death line

like nobody wants a

nobody wants to

know we really think

about it yeah nobody wants to be

fantastic yeah

yeah it’s like you know i had

no feeling fantastic is bad and

wrong that’s why you’re not allowed to smoke pot

anywhere but

california well there’s that you know

how about men

how much does it drive you

crazy when dudes

who don’t work out will talk shit on exercise

and the importance of keeping your body

healthy yeah

it’s the best


ignorant view

where a lot of people are ignorant

and then they take

pride in their

ignorance yeah

it’s like dude when your body works better your

brain feels better it all works better the

whole thing flows better so true

but nobody wants to

admit that that’s

their issue

nobody wants to admit that

their lack of exercise and

everything no

no no no i don’t need nobody needs to work out

i don’t want to

comics are fucking

famous i know that kind of shit

comics are always

bitching and whining and they just want to

sleep till three and don’t do anything

constantly that that shit is so important for you man

yeah well i just

think the people

in general it’s easier to be lazy and then

bitch about it because that’s

funny and you get positive reinforcement

from people

laughing at that like oh

yeah i hate

working out yeah

yeah there’s a little bit of that

misery loves company

but i had a

conversation with a dude once we was talking

about like what’s the

point in exercise and what’s the

point working out

i go all right

if i could give you a pill

and this pill

would give you a super

powerful body like

ridiculous much more

powerful than normal person you could

literally take the normal man and strangle him at will

you could take him

manhandle him

treat him like a girl and

choke him to death

if i gave you a pill that

would give you that

wouldn’t you take it

wouldn’t you want to have that

power i mean

would you want to have this

superpower i give you a pill

and it turns you into an assassin

and i’m like well you can have that stupid

all i have to do is work out

if you train

and you do some kettlebells

wait wait wait

wait wait no

it’s not for

you working as a salesman

at 24 hour fitness

i don’t understand that

legends in hollywood

they got me

they got me

under the tech

planet jiu jitsu

affiliation program i’m trying to sign people up you

enjoy working out though

where a lot of people don’t

enjoy you know what i

enjoy i enjoy

jiu jitsu because

jiu jitsu to me is like

it’s an awesome distraction i got so much

going on in my life

when i get into jujutsu

and i’m rolling with

some dude and we are just trying to kill each other

i’m trying to

choke him he’s trying to choke me

we are battling

we’re pacing ourselves

i know what this

motherfucker’s doing he keeps

going for the deep half

sweep i gotta keep that

underhook i

gotta stop him

there’s like this battle

going on and when that battle’s

going on man i don’t think

about shit else

i’m not thinking

about i need to

clean my office i’m not

thinking about

i need to call that dude about this

thing i need to get my shit together and

write this new material

no i’m just

doing jujitsu

i’m in that zone because it’s so

difficult to do it puts you in the zone

you know and it’s like a fun fucking game

yeah why we’re on it you need to

clean your office bro a little bit right

yeah if you only had the passion with

cleaning yo yo give

those i love windex pine

sol yeah that’s a new show dude the fucking aggro

cleaning guy

i fucking hey

you’re telling me that mr

clean’s not on

juice look at

that guy he’s lost all his hair yo jack he looks

like kryta zinski

he does he does

right with no

tattoos no tattoos all

swollen shit

kristoff is a fucking

sculpted specimen

yeah he is right

like how the hell do you look like that goddamn

specimen cool

motherfucker too

him and his girl

hung out with them in england cool shit

krystoff was on the ultimate

fighter for people who don’t know

super nice guy

that’s the thing about

mma that people

don’t realize is how many nice people there are

that are involved in it and in martial arts in general

like some of the nicest

people i know

are dudes that have fought

and dudes that

trained because

you have like a better control of your ego

you’re like you know

you used to getting your ass kicked

used to finding out your real

boundaries by

breaking yourself down

you know by getting to the

point where

you know you

literally can’t fucking breathe you

literally are in

class and when

everyone says time

and you drop to your back you know you

literally you’re broken

whereas other people they hardly ever

experience that

they don’t experience

the boundaries

of their of

their drive the

boundaries of

their discipline

you know so like the people that i’ve met that are like

fighters like some of the coolest

fucking people you ever meet in your life you know

they have to show

their ass the

world man it’s

definitely a

you gotta drop you gotta

whoever you are

comes out in the

cage like you have to really be yourself for a second

and you have to deal with the pain

they’re like oh my god

i don’t want to be a bitch and

dad you never

loved me and

shit like that goes through your head you know

like it’s not you know you you have to confront

these real fears and real

you have to confront everything

and i say all of you guys out there at

cyberspace be a cage fighter

just for a day and

there’s growth

in that there’s growth in that


when you understand your

boundaries and you hit them

you get to know yourself better

you get to know yourself better than the average dude

who doesn’t do shit with his body

you know there’s something

about doing something really difficult

will power wise with your body like

training and

especially training in

jiu jitsu and shit well

there’s battles man sometimes

guys got your

back and you’re defending and you know you

could just tap out and this is

gonna be over but

the other side of your

brain is going no we’re gonna

gut this out as long as we possibly can

and there’s that

fence that you’re dancing on

where you’re like let me just tap

right here fuck this

but it’s so

uncomfortable and so difficult to get through

but your willpower

allows you to survive

and then you get through and you’re like

motherfucker i got through that i thought i was gone

i thought i was gone and now i’m on top oh shit

and now i’m passing

it’s like this overcoming of adversity

a lot of people

never experienced that

especially physically

where your mind

has to control your body through some uncomfort

you know yeah i know

i guess you

could get the same

effect from like

i don’t know run a marathon or

do something physically

where you have to push your body the mind

and the willpower have to control the body

i think it’s much more

difficult when you’re doing it in a competition like

mma or anything like boxing or

jiu jitsu anything where it’s

a dude is trying to kill you you

know then it’s much more difficult

yeah definitely

but shit man think

about the kind of willpower that’s involved in a tour

de france i know


those guys are just

pedaling just

pumping their

legs just doing the same movement discipline

damn when i look at like

lance armstrong

i go that must be the most boring intense

motherfucker alive

you know he

does some boring ass shit he’s just

pedaling i mean

it’s not boring

i mean obviously they’re racing and it’s

awesome countryside and shit and

all this attention and all this energy but

doing the same

thing for days

yeah that shit

takes days it’s like who’s the most boring

intense motherfucker on

earth let’s find out everybody get together

get on a bike let’s

we have the same

thing for like accounting or something the

fucking accounting olympics guys just adding fucking

bills up for fucking

six days straight

yeah there’s something

about that like sheer

test of discipline

that are so uncomfortable for me

you know i have you know because because as a fighter

i have like you know

some serious discipline

to get inside

the room and

fight with other guys

for you know at

least an hour like i’m doing that for at

least an hour a day

and pretty much my entire life i’ve done that

the other side

i can’t fill out a fucking form

without getting distracted like i’m like sitting there

house application

was the funniest

thing i’ve ever done

cause i’m sitting there like

motherfucker if you put one more

paper in my face

i’m gonna slap your fucking notary public face off

you know i i like god

it’s like all day just sitting there i hate i hated it

that’s funny

yeah it’s a

different it’s a different it’s a

different so i

look i’m very

like when i look at a lawyer or whatever i’m like wow

you fucking look at

papers and read shit

all day like dude i am the

exact same way i’m a retard

when it comes to like filling out forums and shit

and i get on

like page 10 i feel like someone’s hitting me

someone’s drowning me like stop this is boring

and i think what it is is like you don’t want to

you don’t want to put your brain

on that low an

rpm where you yeah

reading this and reading that sucks

making sure this is okay and making sure that’s okay

tell that to

every teacher that i fucking

have worked with you know

square pegs and

round hulls man that’s what it is

the big fucking problem with

teachers is they’re trying to turn everybody into a

robot that assumes a job out there in the world

and there’s people with unique personalities that

could be artists and no one recognized that

whether it’s

a martial artist or a fucking singer or a comedian

no one looks at that as a viable path for

a job you know so

teachers want you to be able to get a job they want you

to do you know what it takes to

get a job at

some company and move on well let’s be honest i

most people

that’s what you have to do

you can’t cater

you can’t cater most

schoolwork to anyone who’s an artist but there

should be some way to recognize when someone’s unusual

there should be some way to recognize

and part of

it is that the kids don’t have any discipline

and that’s why they’re fucking

going squirrely and that’s why they can’t read and

it’s probably

their home life

but you’re not

gonna fix that okay

you could try to

square out that fucking

round peg and

shove them into that hole

but you’re only

gonna get so far you know

but and you’re trying to say okay let’s take all the

wacky kids and put them in a special

class take all

these kids who are definitely

gonna be construction workers put them in this

class no i don’t

think that i

think there should be

other opportunities there

should be like some people don’t want to be comedians

you know some

people don’t want to be singers

but there should be some sort of

an avenue that you find

is interesting

and you can go towards it in school

you know what i’m saying

but there’s no viable option for

class clowns

no viable options for disruptive kids

but disruptive

kids have something there’s something there

first of all it’s a terrible thing

it’s undisciplined it fucks up the

school for the rest of kids and

it’s because one kid is imbalanced

because one kid probably

didn’t get enough attention at home or one kid had an

abusive family and this is the way he

learned how to get attention by

lashing out and

focusing attention on himself

that said you got a kid who’s willing to do some

crazy shit that

other kids aren’t willing to do now yeah

okay so you’re not

gonna fix him

you can teach him

about you know the consequences of him doing that

and how he’s fucking it up for

everybody else and that creates bad energy and this is

where we’re gonna

focus your energy

but you’re not

gonna take away that energy

that crazy energy that some people have

it just needs to be

fair that was me man i was the kid in high

school that was like

if you just

applied yourself jason

if you just

well i did i

heard in a completely different direction

i did fighting

for writing but

that’s what

people don’t

understand you

apply yourself in that way

somehow or another that’s not valid

like because you know some

aren’t there

like for me

yeah for me it was art i used to draw a lot

and martial arts

so those were the two

things and neither one

of them seemed like any sort of a viable career option

there’s no money in mars

you didn’t think of animation being a cartoonist

because that’s what i thought either a cartoonist or

doing radio so the

whole time i’m going to

school i’m like you know i don’t fucking care

about math history

i’m just gonna

sleep because i don’t care

about any of this i’m

never gonna use it i kind of knew that the

whole time i don’t

think i ever thought

about animation no

why’d you think

about animation because

i was like a huge disney fan cartoon fan oh really

yeah me i was more

comic books i love

comic books yeah

comic books too that’s how i got into it yeah

i definitely had aspirations to be a

comic book artist we talked about this

on one of the

earlier podcasts but i just had a really douchey art

teacher in high school

and he had me convinced that i was

gonna have to draw like diaper ads and shit and that

things were

gonna be boring and he

got some bad

teachers so many

people have bad teachers

i mean he wasn’t a bad

teacher he’s just a bad socially

he was a beaten man with no spine

he had a weak will

and he didn’t

like being around me i was this martial arts fighter

this kid who was

fighting in

taekwondo tournaments i always had like taekwondo


t shirts on i was

so proud that i won all

these taekwondo tournaments i

would wear taekwondo

shit everywhere

that was the

first thing i was ever any good at you know what

in high school i knew that kid he was the

karate champion

bro i begged that when i was like 16 i begged him to

spar hey man

to spar and i didn’t realize that i was scaring him

cause he like

i was like yeah yeah

no we’re gonna

fight you just you can kick me and use your karate

and i know how to

wrestle i’m

gonna try to fight you

and then we’ll see who wins and i’m telling

this to this kid who’s sitting there like me like

fuck that i

found out the future of

mma when i was 15 years old

when i was a sophomore in high

school actually i

think i was 14 my friend steven

arduino was

on the wrestling team

a good wrestler

and i wasn’t

wrestling i was just doing taekwondo

and we were really good friends we were always talking

about like if you

fight i’ll just fucking take you down and

punch you in the face

i’d be like

bitch you can’t take me down and so

we went out in the

grass and this

motherfucker took me down over and over

again it was so sad

because it was so easy for him to take it

down i had no

wrestling at all i had no i’ve

never even thought

about wrestling someone

except like

fucking around my friends

and he just

would fucking

stand in front of me

put his hand in my face

shoot a double

bang i’ll be on my back you kept

trying to kill that

stuff no no no

no it was just me stopping we’re friends it was

just me stopping him from taking me down whatever bro

you know how i got a big martial arts right

my fat chubby friend

named pierre

showed me the ufc

the early ones with the fucking head butts and

everything and

showed me like valentino brazil

and he’s like and show me the newer

ufcs at the time like is 90

i don’t know 95 or six

he showed me

those and like pedro or

marco who os

versus paul varlin

oh and i was like yeah

yeah exactly so i was like

man i was like oh i

could do this and he’s like

do you want to

spar me and i’m like

you mean fight

in the backyard and he’s like

yeah yeah yeah we’ll

spar you know we’ll wear

production and

it was this kind

of martial artists

i’m gonna kill you

like i’m like

i thought are you you know bubba

i beat bubba’s ass in the

front yard is

giant fat black kid he’s like 300

pounds like the

scariest dude

i beat the shit out of him because i knew how to fight

like i would i

would always

spar around with my dad

so i knew how to box and

stuff and whatever

he we go out in the backyard

we said i had this

break dancing

mat that i had we laid that down on top of the

grass so we had it some padding because i knew

i was gonna fuck them off

man we squared off

in our taki

chest protectors

he fucking spin kicked me

in the fucking

in my bread

basket i’ve

never been kicked like that i was like oh my god

so i went to the miller

the miller standby

and it’s the move i always did my dad

taught me it

it worked all the time one

two and if that doesn’t

knock him down on the ground

you grab his head

which i did and

threw him down on the ground

i did that and

started fucking

wailing on him like i was like i’m winning i’m winning

he starts wiggling around and shit

and the next

thing i know

he locked me up

i’m fucking waking up

in my backyard looking at the trees like quietly

and he’s looking down at me and i like

oh my god he’s like

wow that was a triangle

choke that i

learned that gracie

jiu jitsu that was the

first time i ever did that to somebody i’m like

fuck i gotta

learn this shit

he’s tiny he

beat my ass just decided to

fight yeah my

dad was looking out the window

laughing at me like

you fucking

idiot i like man

was sleeping you know like i was like i never

i never knew that there was some

magical shit went once were on the ground

i just figured it’s

like i wrestle a little bit in high school

and i figured you know

until i realized you have to wear

those tight ass

pants and i quit and then

i was like wow

did he just

he beat me he

was on his back i was winning i was winning

and i saw that

i saw hoist

gracie do it

but i was like yeah

right it’s just

cause he’s wearing the

stupid pajamas it’s

a fun thing

to be able to do to people you don’t realize how

powerful jujutsu

oh you don’t know how crazy

wrestling is

when you get a

nightclub altercation

and you like push somebody off balance like oh my god

they like they look like bambi on the ice

their feet are all slipping

especially kind of

like leather

shoes on oh

man you’re on the

floor those

leather shoes are so

ridiculous like wearing

leather shoes is

just going out like in handcuffs i wear like pro

wrestling boots when i go out to

the club yeah

no doubt pro

wrestling all day at

least up to

the beat wait a

minute for real

no get out of

here pro wrestling

shoes no i wear i call it pro

wrestling boots because dude

they’re called

jump but you

weren’t know the

thing about that

their tennis

shoes their

tennis shoes

but they look like

classy ass shoes

and they lace up to like super high

chicks love them when i was

young i was so

stupid every time i bought a pair of

pants i would have to make sure that i

could kick somebody in the head

with my pants on

i would like practice taekwondo kicks with my fucking

pants on just to make sure if some shit goes down

i want to make sure

you know yo

you know my old man he’s in the army for years

20 years stuff like that

and he was like a really

legit motherfucker like went to war and kill people

whatever he’s like

kind of bad he’s an old fucking fat bastard now

but but he and he went to korea

you know to like i don’t know whatever

training or whatever and he had a

post up at the korean border

you know like they do that over there

he sees there he tells me

when he comes

back and i’m like eleven he’s telling me this story

boy i was in a bar out there

this little chinese guy like that you’re in korea

little chinese guy

got into it with me

kicked me in the fucking face i like what

what do you mean he fell down he’s like no he

kicked me in the face he bought me a taekwondo uniform

you need to practice this

and i was like

i don’t know like 10

and i went to taekwondo

because of that

story my dad got kicked in the face by taekwondo guy

yeah i imagine your dad looking out the window

laughing while your uncle

over the sink

over the sink

and he’s laughing at me hahaha

and i’m like damn

but you need a dad like that to become a

jason mayhem miller

regular dad

a regular dad is not gonna make

a guy like you i know it’s

not possible you know what i remember the brazilians

when i was doing tournaments all time when i was really

young 18 19

brazilians got a

crazy story of me because i

would always tell

these stories

or me and my dad will

fight whatever and

we’d get into it and or we’d

spar around

and we’d get

start off as a joke and they

would get real like we’d fucking really fight

and i would tell

those stories to the brazilians and then it got a

story like man i heard that

jason miller

he’s his dad

would hit him with beer bottles to make him

tougher that’s like the most american indian

sound in brazilian accent ever

oh really fucking

tonto and shit

the great winter

eagles take from

north my bad

my accent sucks

but you get the

point the guy was like yeah

everybody thought that my dad beat the shit out of me

he did but like it was a lot of times it was like

i remember we were like

getting into it that in the kitchen

and i was like fucking

fight with them and then he

grabbed me around and like

it was we didn’t call real

nigga choke it was a

sleeper hold he got me in a

sleeper hold

i was like choking and i

wouldn’t quit

he’s like boy tap out boy tap out you know

and i was like

fourteen fifteen

and i was like

he’s choking

me and choking me and i was like fuck that i’m not

gonna tap out

you know and and

i just remember finally he let me go

cause he’s like that’s enough

but it was too late

i remember reaching for

the refrigerator handle

and then waking up in

condiments like i put me out i like

covered in like the fucking mayonnaise

and shit mustard i like

and he’s laughing because i

my mom’s like what are you doing and i like

that took me out

like that he was laughing

was this an actual

fight fight or was it like

no no we’re playing

as playing we’re playing but listen man in redneck

culture you have to

understand that

if there’s a line that’s

drawn like your plan

and then you’re not really playing anymore and then

it comes from one step for somebody biting somebody or

something like

that that’s how

people get shot

yeah exactly

you know and i can

understand that i’m

proud i’m proud

that it came from such a strange

background like

i don’t care like

i’m a professional

fighter i’m not a goddamn kindergarten teacher

one time my dad

threw a jolly

rancher at me and hit me in the eye

god you’re homosexual

in the fact you eat it

no that hurt

you fucking cry

no i didn’t cry

just eat it

while you’re crying it’s stung

look him in the eyes and eat it

while tears

what did you do to get a jolly

rancher to the eyepiece fucking stung

he missed he totally overthrew it and hit

wait he was

throwing it to you

oh god his story is even worse

no there’s no even

abuse in this story

his dad’s got a hard on you

heard stop so

vicious this is

wrist action like

you play softball in college right


you ever see those

chicks that

throw away yes

you ever see the

rubber band

thing that makes them

throw harder

yeah i saw on late

night tv yeah always

who the hell

why are softball players

watching espn how fast

do they throw that underhand

i don’t know probably like 60

miles an hour but the

thing is they

could do it all day

it’s like a

way more natural movement than like a regular

pitcher like a pitcher

that shit blows your shoulder

out because

we are your

shoulder out at all

i don’t know if it’s that

they’re throwing it harder

i think it’s the mechanism

are you saying

that there will be some kid from little league up

who’s been taught

underhead and

think about this

with a big juiced out arm

he could throw that shit

super hard wonder i wonder because it

doesn’t seem like girls can do that shit all day and it

doesn’t blow

their arm out

but i think there’s something

about throwing like that

that’s i think you can get more

velocity no

especially naturally but i can’t no it does

i have like

flexible tendons

and shit like a real flexible

when i throw a fucking baseball

my arm feels like it’s

gonna blow out of its socket

my dad the same thing

he got out of ranger

school he didn’t make it through ranger

school he couldn’t

throw the fucking grenade

right same shit

wow the bad

shoulder and when he talks

about flexible tenons

you could see that shit online if you

watch his fight and

was a super raw all my

fights man all my

fights but he

twist my arm backwards i was like oh my god he’s

gonna break it off and i just

kept it out

and then i and i

and then i got up

and i was like

oh it’s good

and i just went and

bashed the guy with that same hand that he was twisting

it’s the most

ridiculous kimora

defense ever

you ever see it was rolled

how many times did you roll

bad so many i was

like i didn’t even know you can anyway

you can anyway who’s this badass just

two black belt bad

motherfucker yoked

is legendary

when i was like

damn this guy’s a

legend you fought him in hawaii and

when they hated me they’re like telling me to die how

he died oh but dude you know hawaii is a

crazy ass place yeah

by people ever

hawaiians yeah

hawaiians are all just

about love and

aloha and they’re like hippies in

that live in

their own islands

very lions beat the fuck out of each other

they do it they do in movies

no no no there’s

videos in real

life there’s definitely

definitely parts

of people but the hawaiian community as a

whole i think well

people are friendly but that

doesn’t mean

that they don’t

beat the fuck

out of each

other people beating

the crap out of

you know everything

no no no what i’m saying is hawaii

people in hawaii are notorious for wanting to fight

it’s like a part of

their culture

if you go online there’s all

these backyard

fights or hawaiian backyard

fights dude

there’s so many of them there’s

thousands on beach

fights and backyard fights

where dudes meet

after school kids meet

after school

and they just have mma

fights bare

knuckle they just duke it out on the

grass in hawaii

yeah but would you

would you say that if you talk

to most people like how was your trip to hawaii

they brought up i mean you’re

going to the

resort and you know it’s

i’ll tell you a

story about the

first time i fought

super brawl here’s a perfect example okay

the first time i fought

super bro i got cut

above the eye and i was walking around like kiki

and some kid was like

hey man you that guy huh

from super bro huh

and i was like

yeah yeah yeah what’s up dude he’s like

oh bro what’s up oh man i’m

yeah man i’m

tough i’m tough

and i’m like oh

cool bro he’s like sixteen years old fifteen years old

some fat white

taurus is walking down he’s like what bra

what he watch this and he walks over

and bends down like he’s

tying his shoe and he’s

like look at his peripheral vision see this guy walking

he stands up and the guy bumps into

him oh sorry man

this hawaiian kid

starts beating the shit out of them

because you know he’s

young he’s so

young that it’s not really hurting them like

not really hurt the guy but the guys like oh stop

and he’s got a

buddy with them

doesn’t help him at all

the kids starts

in in hawaii

and you call it

false cracking the guy that it’s a sucker punch

he like gets up it’s sucker

punch the guy goes

ah he grabs on his backpack and

starts jump kicking him jump kicking him jump

the guy starts running up he goes

this is my first trip to hawaii

i think oh my god hawaii people are

crazy remember forgetting

sarah marshall

think so the movies forgetting

sarah marshall there was the bartender who was

super cool yeah that was part of the movie i

was talking about

afterwards maybe from the movies

that’s what i was talking

about no but

afterwards the

guy kicks his ass that’s that’s like real life yeah

well i mean why is that i’ve

never heard any of my anyone

ever say go i went to hawaii dude it was fuck fight

you’re talking

about going to hawaii

where you go to resorts yeah people are

the nicest people ever

but i go up to

tijuana i bet you they’ll try to gut me yeah dude

when you talk to bj penn

like bj penn talks

about growing up in a wire

it’s always says there’s nothing to do everybody just

fights i’m just saying if you’re in that road it’s

definitely more

you know in your face than

you like if most people going to the

store in a suburban neighborhood in

hawaii you know or something like that

dude no one’s saying that hawaii people are douchebags

no one saying that there’s a bad time

to live no no

i can explain i

live there too

it’s kind of the

culture that oh wow

you want to

throw down so i

and there’s a

mutual like let’s

fight nobody

shoots each

other right right it’s

like let’s fight

will fight and it will end it out all he kicked his ass

and then you get the coconut wireless

everybody knows about it

he kicked his ass yeah and

that’s you know it’s just the

culture you know

and i think that that’s

where bj pen came out of

bj penn came out of that sort of you know

that kind of competition is what

started his

mma career that he was this bad

motherfucker that

would step to anybody and

fight anybody

he took pride in that

and that’s why he became

an mma champ

when you’re

stuck on a fucking island like

the big island

and they ain’t that much people

and everyone’s just jammed in together on this rock

you know tensions run high oh

man i live there too it’s a strange strange different

place because you you’re on this tiny island

and it’s small

because even though it’s million people whatever

that you whatever circles you run in are tight

knit because everybody knows everybody

right it must be a

lot of bullshit between like dudes and girls oh my god

epic about like

i would imagine because

everybody knows everybody like that dudes fucking her

like when someone

breaks up they break

she goes out with

someone you know

that went to high

school with

that other guy

like so weird

yeah it’s weird that

causes tensions painful

and you lived on the big island or no you live in

a wahoo yeah

it’s like the main

island isn’t it

crazy that though the

smaller it’s not a big island it’s not that big

it’s like the boat i don’t know why

it was the the biggest one that developed

quickest it’s so weird

most of the

times when i got on hawaii i went to the big island

i went to maui

i went to kauai

but when i went to

oh i went to

what’s the other one there’s a little

small one i forget

what you got

lanai lanai

but when i went to honolulu i was like

god damn this is like a city it is

it’s america it’s america on

wheels it’s america america

is paradise though

america it’s the

weirdest city ever it’s like a fucking

blade runner movie

it’s like here you are in this city

with this incredibly

beautiful weather with this amazing ocean

like you are

right there

it’s a city somehow another but it’s not that

polluted yeah

you know the

oceans not that polluted

it is washing off

fucking did

you say kawaii is the best kawai

kawai is like

jurassic park yeah it’s all like

it’s like lost

you know yeah you know like lanai was gorgeous too

lanai is really small

yeah well i imagine

lanai has even

less developed the kwai

could kwai is like yeah

there’s one road

i think goes

everywhere i

only has like 3 000 people that live on our 30 000

or something tiny it’s a

and it’s all like

all throwing down

they did look a little

fucking spaced out when i was asking for directions

there’s fucking

three roads and this

bitch couldn’t tell me how to get to the hotel

it’s just like oh no i think

what street is

that you know what here’s the

thing is that

about that when i

lived in hawaii

bro i can’t tell you what

street to turn on

i could tell you

to get to the waikiki

you gotta go down there’s

a there’s a 7 eleven at the end of this one road

you take a right there

you keep going down it turns to one way

and you take a

right at zippy’s

and then there you’re in ytc

you know it’s not you nobody knows the road names

cause they’re

mala kaliki maka and kana

mahohay like what

like who the

fucking nobody even knows the name of this road how

crazy is it that hawaii is a part of america

but it’s five

hours away on a fucking

plane alaska hey man

alaska’s not as

crazy at least it’s landmass you can

drive to alaska right

but there’s something in the middle of it

he’s like there’s land in the middle of that makes no

sense totally

ridiculous yeah

we got attacked

we got have our ass

covered on all sides and all

for sure but i mean it’s

it’s incredible that we can call that america it’s five

hours away on a fucking

plane and then

guam is like sort of america yeah

pete so is puerto rico

buddy yeah puerto rico

is like sort of a

man like support of

puerto rico is like

considered america though they don’t pay

taxes so they don’t want to be part of america

but are you allowed to be from puerto rico and just

immigrate to america

how’s that work

i think so too right

that’s why there’s so many puerto ricans

you know especially if you go to new york

oh yeah oh for sure don

gavin is this fucking comedian from boston

old school legend he used to have this joke

about he’s just like a real fast talking man

boston guy he’s like i

went to puerto rican that didn’t

didn’t like puerto rico

too many fucking puerto ricans

i don’t even know how they afford

it so expensive

mayhem you’ve been doing

stand up comedy lately

how’s that going

where’s the

great mayhem doing

santa i don’t

know i know you did ari show at the improv

i did already

start you know what

ari’s doing a show

today i’ve been arrested a

bunch of times he didn’t ask me to do the

i fought the law

crash that bad

just crash it

ours probably listening right now no he is

no he’s not

now he’s not he

might be jerk off that guy who doesn’t

come on fell

the flashlight ladies and gentlemen

bringing us back to our final sponsor

the flashlight if you want to masturbate this is your

oh my god flashlight com nervous looking at

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too if you go to my website there’s a link you get 15

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that’s dope

that’s the weirdest sponsor

ever i got it’s the best

sponsor come on my show’s fucking nuts this

whole thing is crazy

that’s why i’ve got

crazy people like you on

nobody else

would have got

this kind of an interview out of mayhem miller

we had to put it together that’s not an interview man

i feel like

we’re hanging bro

don’t do that

why did you fuck the no i haven’t fucked

oh that’s awesome

it’s queefing all over the mic feel

it like feel how natural it feels

not doing that it’s so much smells terrible now

it’s just rubber

smells terrible after all the

dirty pussy and asshole we’ve been talking

about see if it’s salty

imagine if your mom walks in the house like that

if they were the tester like tested by number 407

there’s a guy going this is good

this one make my cock feel so yummy

yeah right imagine if some dude did fuck it because he

was going he had to

imagine if you knew what’s

going quality insurance

yeah i mean you can’t have a

faulty face

imagine that job but

that was your job you have to do that all day long if

you’re boners like want oh

good that’s

ridiculous good

oh my god there’s probably a job like that

i’m appalled at this podcast

i think we’ve reached the bottom

yes we have this

is it this is the end of the line

you have a website

right mayhem

miller on twitter

yeah mayhem miller all across the

board mayhem miller

everywhere you don’t use

myspace anymore do you

i feel bad like i like

you know i know that there’s

chicks out there that want to bought me on myspace

i don’t even go

on there i can’t even go on there i got

is when you

see a girl that’s

still on myspace like this is my myspace

the that might be a girl that’s retarded oh sally

lower percentage for sure something’s

wrong with her you’re eli if

you’re not on my

unless unless she’s picking up the

she’s king of the

scraps yeah but you know

she might be there might be like dude

i am the most popular person on myspace yeah

she’s like the new

tela tequila part 3 i’ve got 4 000 friends

four thousand

four thousand active friends a lot of girls

claim four thousand friends yeah by

really yeah i got no bots not

mine yeah who the fuck is left on myspace only people

whose computers i’m gonna go back long

it’s so old they can’t even work facebook our friend

our friend just quit myspace he used

to work there and now i could finally get rid of my

myspace i don’t feel bad because i only held on to it

i think for him

i’ve hoped that myspace is

gonna make a comeback cause i

back in the comedy

store days myspace packed that fucking

place all the time that was responsible for

getting you

know it’s harder to promote

on facebook

no no no the best is twitter

twitter is the best

yeah twitter’s fun dude

i like talking to people i like people send me some

shit and i send it back yeah you know what i’m pissed

off about is your

fans are way

smarter than mine

cause you always get cool shit sent to you and i’m like

what the fuck well i said

cool shit to them too though whenever i find any you

video online

i always tweet

it i always

tweeted so they

tweet shit like that back to me but i find out all

about a lot of

cool articles and cool

science developments and shit i find out a lot of that

stuff by people

on on twitter

you know what i

manage out because of you usually

like i like

that chain of

information we all sharing i know i’m like stoked

every time you come up with

oh cool joe rogan

put an article and i

click and read

it there’s always so much cool shit on the internet man

have you seen the deepak

chopra sam harris

debates oh yeah

i’ve seen someone with them

i forgot the dude’s name and deepak chopra had this

crazy cat lady with him

and they’re debating god and it’s

some brilliant shit man sam

harris is a brilliant brilliant


he wrote that

really good book letters to a christian nation

he’s just like

skeptic atheist

character but a really reasonable

have you seen dawkins versus

i can’t remember

he did a few

where he was like kind of he did one

with geepoch

chopra but i didn’t like his arguments

against deepak and it was very

short the clip that he used online

or in his documentary is very

short it was just mostly mocking deep

rock but then when deep rock talked to him deep

rock was actually pretty reasonable

about what he was saying they were talking about the

states of mind and mood and the ability to help

diseases and

cause diseases like bad

states of mine

which i definitely think i

agree with yeah i

think negative people

like negative energy is manifest itself in stress

stress manifests itself in misfiring so i’ve had

injuries before

where the injury

keeps i don’t even notice cause like

i just got caveman

brain where i get hurt

and i just ignore that part of my body

right i’ll step

on something to have a bloody foot and just keep

ignoring it

until i have to go to hospital you know

and then so i kept doing that but

i didn’t realize

the put stress on your body

and then i got

super sick and i’m like why am i sick

and got a hurt knee

it’s because

you get in this mind

state of being just totally feeling bad and

irritated and hurt

and then your body

breaks down

yeah you need positive energy and a good feeling of

enjoyment of your life appreciation for

everything all that good

stuff makes you feel better makes you

lighter it makes you have to work less hard

makes life less taxing when i’m

going through a lot of bullshit in my life man i’m

tired all the time you know

it’s a lot of energy gets you

used up by that don’t you find that like if you’re in

like a bad personal situation

do you fucking

tired all the time oh totally it’s

depression easily

you know i mean

it’s depression

it’s depression but it’s also energy just

bad feelings

somebody hates you someone’s mad at you yeah

yeah well at the risk of

sound like a hippie

yeah energy that yeah

yeah it’s totally

sound like a hippie the problem is hippies

fucked up a lot of cool shit i know yeah hippies

connected a lot of

bullshit is because

the thought of a hippie

okay because i’ve met

awesome hippies yeah okay

but the thought of a hippie is this

silly week yeah

like just like

the all he does like to lay around in the

fields and smoke

a lot of hippies

in boulder when i was in boulder i got

annoyed with a lot of hippies

this idealistic

stupid point of

view like to

trespass on your property

and go are you denying us access to the woods i’m like

you fucking douchebag this is my yard get out of here i

bought the wood

yeah it’s a big yard but it’s my fucking yard

how about use the woods over there

where it’s just the woods you douche yeah well

this i open the

north trail this is an awesome trail

yeah that’s why i fucking paid

sixteen thousand dollars a

month you shithead you know

smithers mr

smithers yes

release the hounds

no man it’s like you want privacy man

look you got a bull

mastiff tearing

apart hippies in the fucking yard

my bill mastiff

is a nice dog

he’s cool i mean

he lets you know when people there but he’s not like

scary i like the red

bulldogs my pit bulls when i used to have pit bulls

that was like having

monsters that

was like i kept

monsters as pets you know i was running all

right so i was in hawaii on the

north shore

and this dude

house i was going to

apparently he was like a

famous drug dealer or something

i know something like that

and my friends went

ahead of me i forgot my swim

shorts and i got it

and i walked in by myself and across this

giant yard a fucking

giant pit bulls

sprinting at me

and i was like fuck and i was already in the gate like

there’s i couldn’t run out run

about this point i was like fuck

so i got i got like

a fuck what i do what do i do and i was like stay calm

and i wait fuck it how it

like that you barked at him he stopped in his

tracks and barked at me

we were best friends

after that like

we i it was

weird sometimes

they bark at you they just want to get

close to you and

make sure you’re okay yeah and then they’re friendly

and that’s what it was i barked at him

he barked at

me and then

i went here’s pit

bulls are some of the

smartest fucking

coolest dogs as pets but it’s such a pain in the ass

because they just want to

fight other dogs like

they’re always

it’s like hanging out with a

crazy dude trying to be

alpha just get your butthole and let them

smell your finger it works also

oh brian you did it again

how dare you that

doesn’t make

sense yeah it’s like

smelling the ass of a dog

if you let them

smell this so you’re telling me the

asshole you normally

respect whenever you see a

pet dog you figure

blast your own

ass like this

smell this okay cool

what if he decides to attack

and bite your hand it

never happens

they go into

smell well i mean

first of all they’re not

gonna bite yeah it’s crazy

so you’re being honest yes

like actual advice totally totally

try it out you see a pit bull

charging at you

fucking grab your asshole

put a finger in

let it smell it make sure it’s working i

think your theory is

faulty and you need to try it on some

other dogs what do dogs do when they see

other dogs how many dogs have

tried to attack you you

might have got

lucky you’re just used to

smelling all right

i’m just don’t do it don’t

grabbing his

ass in the room

oh he did it

oh he licked it

this fucking show is over

ladies and gentlemen

that’s the end this is the end of the line

dog i can’t even believe

he made a dog

smell his butt

from his own

fingers go wash your hands son you’re

touching the

microphone what

the fuck brian

oh this is so nasty

ladies and gentlemen

thanks for tuning in

right thanks to our buddy

jason mayhem miller

for coming on and

being one of the best fucking guests

you’ve ever

had on the podcast thanks man

god damn outstanding

good stories he’s a real dude you can

catch him on twitter mayhem miller on twitter

mayhem miller com of course

bully beat down

how many seasons

after the third now

going into the

third season

ladies and gentlemen

dvr that shit you know you’re

gonna watch it

and look for him in strike

force in october

against some unknown victim

we’ll see what’s up

jason mayhem miller representing

brian rikkel

for for everybody

thank you very much for

tuning in and

we’ll see you sexy bitches next week love ya

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