my dad wasn’t in love i’m right

no ain’t that shit

yeah go to my chair your little boy

you help me wear a job like that’s

a

shame

begging stealing like cheats

trying to keep you trying to seizure

spend the love with your ass keep nice

i really hate your ass right now

no wait that’s shit

chicken

why why why why

i love you i still love you

no wait that’s the shame

damn that was

awesome that’s a good goddamn song that is the

first time i

heard that song isn’t it great the

first time i

heard it and it got me i love it

even just the

video if you ever see the

video it’s just words

it like it’s just words but yet you get into the words

you know what

i really a masterpiece i’m not into soulful

music like that

usually but that’s a good song i’m already

thinking about

like remix it into like a disturbed or prom

remix or something why

would you wanna fuck that

ladies and gentlemen this podcast sponsored once

always every time

by the podcast

by the flashlight

and it’s saturday

this is an impromptu

podcast we decided to put together and

brian just threw on that song he said you have

to listen to it it was so good just listening to the

first couple

seconds of it that we had to play the whole

thing i fucking love that dude remember when he

first heard this

song crazy yeah that was bad

oh shit that’s

god damn see

whatever his name i remember when bj

penn i forget who he was

fighting i think he was fighting matt hughes

but he came out to that crazy song

and i was like

god damn that’s a good song

cee lo green is his name from gnarls barkley

i guess you know i wonder what the edited version’s

gonna sound like are they just gonna bleep

are they just gonna bleep it out or change the words or

something you know what i don’t

think they need to do that anymore

radio’s dead yeah

you know i mean the people that are on radio

right now a lot of them are doing podcasts

and it’s eventually

gonna go to that regular

terrestrial radio

they’ve just fucking

they’ve gotten

so busy with it and fucked with it so much that they’ve

crushed it there’s

no you can’t fuck around on the

radio anymore you can’t have fun

you get sued

so it’s like

why can’t you

say fuck you you remember the the who song

remember what was the song that had fuck in it

i i don’t remember who are you now

who the fuck are you

right they played that shit on the

radio when i was a kid really because it was the who

wow because who

are you hoop

hoop you know

that you get to the

point goes who the fuck are you

they kept that on the

radio right

you can’t do it now but

with this song you

could probably just put like

hat sounds instead of

fuck and would

still work i listen

like but i listen to that

who the fuck are you song i listen to that who song the

other day and they did get it was on the

radio and they did get it they

got fuck they

twisted the fuck they

took like a pace out of the fuck

so how the fuck are you

you know there’s

it’s it’s sort of there but it’s not there

right you can get away with it hmm

that sounds

so good fuck

it man just let it get on the internet get it

become mp3s and playing clubs it’ll be gigantic

a satellite

radio you know

eddie how much

money did you

spend last night on junk food

two hundred

and fifty dollars

but it wasn’t all junk food that was some

that was a two

twelve packs of water

wow so that’s like six dollars right

you had you had a

picture on your twitter you guys got to

check it out

where it’s just like junk food tons and tons of

junk yeah that was no i didn’t set that up i decided i

realized it’s i

never go grocery

shopping ever

and but when i did back in the day

you never do it

stoned and hungry because you end up buying a

bunch of shit you would

never eat it just

stacks up and just stays in your

house everything

sounds good

like you know what

i’m gonna get some fucking

hamburger helper you know

get every flavor

all this shit you

would never eat

so i ended up doing that last

night and spent

250 bucks on just

shit pitcher’s

great you feel so bad

about yourself

after you yeah

bought a lot of cereal

a peanut butter captain crunch i mean

that was the big box of

lucky charms a huge box was 2 99

how the fuck are you

gonna turn that down i ate

three krispy kreme donuts in one sitting the

other night

the big ones chocolate

cream filled

oh they were so fucking good

they were so good but it’s

right away as soon as you’re done you feel like such a

piece of shit oh yeah you

never feel good

at done to my body always you’re

always feel like shit you just throwing

sludge in the

machine it’s like fucking a fat

chick you never

gonna feel good

after after you feel like jumping out of lover

if you love her

eddie well if you’re in love with her

and cause she’s only fat

cause she got pregnant

maybe you’re fat

too and that’s what you can get

you gotta do what you gotta do

with some dudes it’s not

worth it for them to get

skinny to fuck a

skinny girl they’re like you know what

i like being fat i’ll just fuck a fat chick

yeah that’s good thank god

well there’s everybody’s got different

taste man some

some girls like

really heroin looking dudes that’s like a look

like fat bitches are

angry enough man

we need to talk they’re banging the shit out of them

calm them down

some of them are

angry dude some are just sad

they just lash out

how would you like it

how about the fat

chick that’s hanging out with three hot

chicks at a club

how about that chick

monster the pack

killing it for everybody just destroying the

night to crush the night

i used to do a bit about them

about girls cock blocking

back i don’t think i recorded that

god damn it cock blocking is so acceptable

so except for women it’s accepted

like if you don’t cock block then you have like no

honor almost you know

but for guys if you cock block

you can get punched

but you can cock

block another guy if he’s trying to fuck your

girlfriend that

seems to be acceptable i’ve seen a lot of that

where a guy’s hanging out with a girl but they’re

just friends and the dude will try to cock buck anyway

i’ve never seen that happen

that again explain

dude is friends with the girl say you are a

young single man out in the town and you meet a

young lady and she’s attractive

and she’s here oh these are just my friends

and she’s with a

girlfriend and a guy friend the guy friend

like will almost always cock buck

unless he’s like super cool

and thinks you’re super cool

most guy friends hanging out with a girl

are just dudes who haven’t

really been successful in fucking that girl

they’re gonna be very upset if you are

and it’s usually if she’s pretty

for sure if he’s around or if he’s young

what are the odds he has his shit together enough

that he’s cool with her being attracted to

other people other than him

if he’s handsome and she’s pretty what are the odds

it’s fucking zero the odd zero

they’re just there’s some twisted

love triangle with her friend and

he really wants to fuck her but he can’t no whooped

watch friend

it’s cool some

dudes will be friends with chick so long

like hot one

i’ve done that too for decades

i was i was friends with the chick from

like nineteen

ninety four and i finally fucked her in two

thousand it took me

six years of detail

and i wanted to

the whole time i wanted i was waiting

but she was so

funny and so cool we actually i

like hanging out with her well there’s a and eventually

i broke her

house a game afoot with some

smart women some

smart women just

they’re so tired

of the bullshit that guys do that they will fuck with

you and will drag you around if you want to fuck them

they just want to see how much

effort you put it how long you willing to

stick around and to them it’s like

it’s almost a commodity they’re giving up

like if you fuck if she fucks you now you’re not

gonna take her seriously anymore

you’re just

gonna be like one of the

other girls that

she fucks but if she just strings you around forever

then you’re her little plaything you’re her little

buddy and we kiss

every now and then what’s the big deal

we’re friends who kiss well how

about if you

haven’t kissed and then you

think like fuck i’m

gonna make that move

after being

friends for four

years on you make a move and she turns you down damn

that’s brutal

yeah we’re friends yeah you mean this

whole time you’ve been trying to fuck me exactly

i go crazy i was in the moment

yeah that’s never good

you go out there

and you try to kiss and she just turned she

doesn’t turn her head all the way just a little bit

it’s like bam she just gives you the jaw

it’s always right

there that moment you’re like damn she didn’t respond

the way i wish she would

have it’s always a

weird thing with

human beings when one person

wants to be with the

other person whether

it’s friendship or whether it’s sexually and the

other person’s not into it that’s the worst

it’s the worst

thing to watch in a

movie it’s the most uncomfortable

thing to watch

it just makes you ah

when you see a friend of yours that’s getting fucking

just done over you see it coming

man i gotta just

watch this happen shit

yeah it’s the worst

it’s like if you love a

check and all of a sudden she

doesn’t love you anymore

there’s nothing she can

steal from you that hurts more than that

you could light my fucking

house on fire now i’ll be like there’s a hotel

i’m gonna be

okay i’m a little disoriented i can’t believe my

house is burnt to the ground

but i’m gonna be okay and

pull that fucking

deep love away and then give it to someone else oh

did that have

babies with someone else

the last time that happened was 1995 and it fucking

crushed me i

wrote a terrible

song oh and put her on a cassette

and left it on her doorstep

begging her

to come back

to me and it

was darkness

dark dude i

would i had to

sleep with valium

during this to get it over she just left me

aren’t you glad she didn’t have a twitter back then

can you imagine like oh my god

check out on my this facebook just left

on my facebook

doesn’t have a

limit is much of a limit

can write a lot of shit when people

break up on twitter

stupid thing

celebrities

break up on

fucking twitter because they come together on twitter

and they’re back on

that’s a good one babe oh

sweet baby love you babe

and they go back and forth

while the whole

world is watching him go back and forth

who does that all the time who

tito and jenna

jameson that’s what i’m talking about

back and forth all the time and then when they

break up they have to make an announcement

you have to say something because they’re not

tweeting together anymore

they’re not hooking each

other up in the tweet

so then they have to announce that they’re no longer

going out that’s

fucking hilarious

really strange

speaking of twitter what happened to

steve age’s

twitter he just deleted his

whole entire account and it was like fuck twitter

and i’m deleting my facebook also

and then the

other day i’m like why haven’t i

heard from him in a while

and he just got it

back on the twitter like a

month later

or something he’s like i had to get back on twitter to

talk about this

movie i just saw

and now he has like 2 000 friends but didn’t he like

have like like

a million yeah something like that he just deleted all

those why did he do that he did twitter suicide like

but why did

he do that was there a reason i don’t know that’s

there’s some

people that feel like we’re too connected man

there’s some people that don’t like it they resent it

they want the old

school way where people

just like you they like you they like you you know

when i have to talk all day i don’t have to be fucking

tweeting back and forth from you

i’ll do a johnny carson interview

and sit down with them and if you

like me or like me you know they don’t want to get into

the whole social

media thing

i i disagree with that i mean well i

think i disagree

with it too but for some people it’s like

their privacy

is just um there’s people that aren’t on

twitter i know

people that are not

fucking barely on computers

they are not even on the goddamn computer they

still you could live that life if you want

you could totally

disconnect sure my mom

doesn’t even know how to get texts

i sent my mom a text

like a month ago

and she finally just responded

omg i didn’t know i got texts

my mom doesn’t get text messages

my mom just figured that out like last week

she’ll send the same text

twice cause she’s not

sure how maybe you didn’t go through let me send it

again right right

maybe didn’t go

through it let me send it

again it’s like a fucking letter my mom’s scared of the

price i’m like mom it’s 5

for like 500 text messages you

could just do

that plan and she goes no i just can’t afford 500

five dollars a

month i’m like mom

think of all the

stamps all the cards you

saved me five dollars a

month she doesn’t

understand it she has

to have a text seminar to go to or something

yeah some people just don’t give a fuck

about technology

so maybe that’s what it was

maybe he just felt like too compressed

you know maybe too

to attach to people it wasn’t too long

where it was all

about fucking fan mail and like opening up like

mail and going

for whatever reason that

stuff always

creep me out

but but this does not

creep me out like

communicating with people on an even

level and message boards and

you know and twitter and

stuff like that i like that that’s fun

it’s fun yeah it’s interesting

you know i mean

you can’t respond to everybody it’s impossible it’s

virtually impossible

some people get mad because of it and i

understand you getting

annoyed but

there’s no way i

could respond everybody i

wouldn’t have time to do shit i

wouldn’t have time to

write anything

wouldn’t be able to work out

wouldn’t have time to get anything done there’s

just no fucking way you keep up there’s just no way

but it’s still

it’s a fun way to

give what you can give you know and it’s a fun way not

many not that that’s

anything you’re giving it’s so special but

you know just

to be able to communicate with people and just

the amount of information

that you get now it’s just so much different than when

our parents were growing up there

was nothing like fucking ghettogaggers com that someone

could just click a link

to you remember when that guy did that to me on twitter

some guy goes hey is this triangle okay

this guy doing this triangle okay i

click on it and

this little

skinny white dude

who’s got this

chick i saw

she’s like this really ghetto looking

chick and he’s fucking her

mouth and there’s a whole

site dedicated

to skinny white dudes

fucking the shit out of

these ghetto

black chicks there’s a whole site

there’s not nothing to

call what’s

no gaggers dot com

you know email me that yeah

it’s the strangest fucking

world i can watch it

it’s like watching

dolphins get harpooned and shit

how hard shit like that was for your dad to see

how shit like that my mom

for my mom to see

how hard that was when they were growing up

to get a ghetto gaggers

photo it was impossible

you couldn’t find it

and if you tried looking for you’d probably get

arrested you probably get locked up in some fbi sting

you know i mean

how hard was it to get

really obscene

shit it was

really hard

every time i

think that then you see

these historic

photos of bondage

houses from the 1910s have you ever seen that they

did shit they

still did shit but i don’t

think it was easy

to see it i

think you had to get deep into that

world before you got into the bondage

houses you had to be

trusted into the

circle of fucking

freaks and weirdos willing to tie each

other up and fuck

their faces and do whatever they do

it’s probably

a lot of drawings back then of that though

they would have to be made

before before 1835 there was no cameras

right so there was all drawings yeah there were

stacks and stacks of drawings

maybe it was just all talk

maybe it was just all written word you know

i know they did they did have like some sort of

light porn like literature

can you imagine how

happy people were when they invented morse code

they must thought that was like magic right

remember when we were kids that’s like alien

super technology you know what i mean

they sent a wire in the old west remember that shit

that’s crazy you send a letter by wire

how crazy is that

i wonder how complex smoke signals got

was there a language there

i mean how many

symbols are there can you make with

smoke well there’s this dude that lives in alaska

there’s this dude that lives in alaska

and he was on a

jack corralt

show on the

road whatever it was called what was it called

you remember that show no

it was caught on the road

and it was like a cbs show scout

would go to all

these different places

and he went to alaska to talk to this prospector

and this guy

spends like five six months

alone by himself in alaska

and then comes back into town

and he says

when he comes back into town he can read people’s minds

it doesn’t last forever but he can do it for a

short period of time

because he’s not talking to anyone out there

and he learns how to tune into thoughts

hmm what the fuck

can he prove this yeah right

i mean no i would

like to yeah

i know this dude

in the woods again

yeah i mean it’s ridiculous

but i think there’s something there

not that this guy can actually read your mind

but i think

there’s obviously something else

going on just besides words

he needs to be on that show

stan lee’s superhumans

try to describe

what it feels like when you know someone’s full of shit

we know when someone’s

lying to you

you know that

weird feeling when someone’s

lying to you pantomimes

yeah yeah but even not even pantomimes

just something

just something

you just a hunch

you know just a

weird vibe a feeling

you’re tuning into something you know

what is it that you have to do to get really

super sensitive to be able to do that all

the time though is there like exercises that you can do

to try to tune in paranoid

more paranoid

seriously if you’re

paranoid you’re watching

every single flinch of

every single move something else is making you know

cause you’re paranoid

about everything you’re

watching every hand

motion you start getting overly sensitive

you know yeah but that’s

not good but i’m saying is to be able to read it like

all the time to be able to tune into it all the time

it’s got to be something that people getting close to

you know a long

time ago i was reading that there’s this one guy

i forget who he was

some saint character and

he was one of the

first guys that knew how to read without talking

and that was

one of the ways that they thought this guy was divine

because he could

look at the

scripture and he

could close it and then

speak of the words

and they were like well this is

proof this guy’s divine because he

doesn’t even have to read it aloud

and what it was is he was just the

first guy who figured out how to read

without talking

to us it’s like a totally normal thing

we think that’s what we always do

but a long time ago

you know thousands

of years ago i mean who knows how long

that was like really hard to do

like you couldn’t just look at something and just like

think in your head oh that’s a poster for the

ultimate doom

you would have to say the

ultimate doom

you’d have to

spell it out

how strange is that

it’s ridiculous that’s like a technique

that’s a technique somebody figured out

we just take it for granted

just reading

you imagine if

everywhere you go people had to read aloud

how goddamn annoying would that be you’re on a

plane and everyone’s got their own book

and you gotta tune in

to whatever these fucking people are reading stupid

romance novel you’re trying to read your shit

you know what i’m thinking

i’m thinking of like

when was toilet

paper invented

and what did different

cultures use to wipe their ass over the centuries well

the bidet is considered the way to go

everywhere but here

now i’m talking about ancient england ass wiping

ancient ass wiping well they must use rivers

sticks rocks twigs faces

maybe nothing you have to shit by a river

there wasn’t a river nearby

and no one did you have a shit ass maybe the

whole reason why people wipe it all is because

they want someone to eat

their ass we’re the only animal who

understands how good that feels

that’s why we keep our ass

cleaned we used to drag them by the hair don’t you

think they would make it

would make them clean your ass you know

clean my ass you know that’s how the cavemen

probably wipe their ass

brian you know

like i mean they used to

drag went through caveman

would force they were tools they were tools

to the women were tools yeah the

women were tools that’s why they were

dragging by the hair they didn’t care

i don’t think that

was the first guy to wipe his ass

it was some caveman

he was a gay guy who’s gay caveman

just trying

to let me just clean this

place up it’s such a mess

you ever walk it

lather it up palm

flounds and shit you ever walk into a public restroom

and think it’s

were part of like a gay joke

you know because like

why do we all have to pull out our dicks

you know everyone is so

no matter how old you are

if you’re standing next to a

bunch of people and you pull out your dick

it just there’s

still there’s a little

there’s a touch

of insecurity

right just a little touch

there’s a touch of

weirdness i got

this like why can’t we have compartments like

well the weird

thing is that you know for sure that dudes have sucked

other dudes dicks in these very bathrooms yeah

we play our dicks gay dudes must love going that’s what

public restaurants are such a turn off

don’t you think that’s why they’re doing

about because

dudes are pulling dicks out

dicks out everywhere

yeah for them it’s just like if you

could go into a

chick’s room exactly oh

that’s what i’m thinking is a big fucking gay joke

gay dude designed the

first public restroom yeah but don’t you think

locker rooms are worse way

worse because at least peeing you have something

to do locker rooms are just kind of like getting

dressed and talking about

clothing same yeah locker

rooms are bad too i mean you

should have your own

private booth some

urinals have walls

where you can’t see

other dudes dick

than some brand new

stadiums the

brand new stadiums and

you have a trough

everyone’s pulling out

their dicks

there was this dude that i used to do

taekwondo with back in the day and he was a male dancer

and he always used to

creep people out

because he would be like he

would get he

would take a shower

and then he

would just like

stroll around

the bathroom with his

chest out like this

stroll around sometimes you

would stretch out

naked he’d be fucking

naked bro and this company

stretches legs out

and his fucking his dick

i mean he probably had like a hundred fat

chick suck it a day and some guys

you know i mean this guy was a male dancer

and he definitely had guys that

that asked him to dance

because he told me that’s the best way he

could make money he

doesn’t like to do it i don’t like to do it man

that’s where a lot of

money so this

guy’s like just

straight around

straight around the bathroom with his elephant dick

he looked like an elephant’s

trunk just flop it it was like three

quarters hard all the time

this dude just

walk around nothing’s gayer than that that’s what

about that owl that you posted on twitter the

other day that

in the mexican

that was a witch they talk

about that shit that’s just

crazy yeah apparently it’s some

crazy owl it’s

a bunch of different names for it i think

someone said it’s a frog owl and someone said it’s a

thorny owl or something like that i

guess it’s a

what are you talking

about it’s from australia

i posted some

video up on my twitter

some dude sent it to me

it’s a mexican news

story about

this animal they don’t know what it is and they

think it’s a witch

and it’s just this crazy owl

it’s it’s a really

weird looking it’s like a

flashlight here let me

pull the bird

i’ll pull it up on my twitter

while we’re talking so you can see it

cause it’s just so strange it

doesn’t look like a real animal

less like bird it looks like a little dragon from a

harry potter movie

like a half lizard half bird

that’s come to life and it’s like you know finding you

flashlight should make one of

these birds a

totally legit

picture oh you know it’s a

video man it’s a real animal

and there is there’s

videos of them

oh they found

more than one

oh you know it’s an

animal it’s a real animal in australia it’s just this

freaky looking owl

it’s called like a

tawny owl or something like that and people

why was it in the mexican news because i

guess they didn’t know what it was whoever it was

i mean it’s you know the mexican version of like some

local you know news

story where a

bunch of yahoos are

out there with cameras like we have cappedia which

look at this fucking

thing they’re holding it down

but let me let me pull it up real quick

he’s like why i

gotta be mexican man

eddie got very sensitive eddie

brown was a mexican

i don’t know if you i

don’t appreciate some of

those remarks dude the tone you

know i used to

think you were joking with me when i

first moved here used

to always tell me you were mexican and i was like haha

that’s his joke

you really never

believed it well what’s really

funny is when he meets

chicks he tells him he’s half japanese

and half eskimo he says yeah majapaho

the story is always different

it’s always like

you know my father was

you know a soldier his father was in

world war ii

this always

makes him crazy

as a kid i always

used to tell people i was half japanese

half eskimo

really is it

kind of like

sweaty and jabber

sweat this brian can

you i don’t know why i did strange reptilian bird

found in mexico

put your microphone on it

no but it better if you do it though you know you

can plug into it remember yeah

i thought you meant

no just so the people can hear it because eddie

speaks spanish he’ll know what

they’re saying it says mexico

yeah yeah no it isn’t mexico

i thought you

said it was an australia well it’s just an animal

i mean it lives in australia and someone

found one in mexico

oh shit i mean animals that live in australia

can survive must have

gotten a cargo boat

yeah probably something like that right

yeah it’s amazing how many different animals come from

everywhere there’s

so much of sparrows in hawaii that aren’t from there

all the pigs in hawaii they’re not from there

okay got it

okay here we go

so i know what she’s saying what she saying was big

i think it’s a witch

his eyes are whatever

i don’t understand the newscasters at all but

regular people they speak

to correct really

i only understand ghetto spanish i don’t understand

proper spanish that well dude you keep it so straight

you know what i mean give you props to that form

you know what i’m saying

there it is there it is look at this thing

this is the bird

i mean it really does looks like a lizard

it looks like yeah it looks like a flying lizard

but it’s called a i think it’s called a

tawny owl awesome

it’s a real bird man

freaky ass looking bird i wanna see it fly

i put a hat on it look at it it’s pretty dope

i mean it’s what’s really funny is i put i put it up on

twitter alright kill it brian

i put it up on twitter and dudes

most people like what the fuck was that

and then some

people had an answer for what the fuck it was

would you fuck one of

those if it was drugged up and not it

wouldn’t bite you probably

frogs figured it out

it was really drugged up have you ever seen people i

mean frogs am i say yeah

none of them

fucking the frogs

in the chimp

that’s what i meant

frog fucking

i can’t find how smart are

fucking chimps

if so he wants to twitter this

while we’re live here so he wants to it is

tell me what the fuck that owl is so i can look it up

because it’s not a

tawny owl it’s something else

coney owl is just a pretty normal looking

owl but i know it’s some kind of fucking freaky owl

that we didn’t know

existed right

throw that shit up on put it son how

crazy is it the chimps figured out how to fuck frogs

and chimps are

super smart chimps smoke

cigarettes man you ever see that no i

haven’t seen that at all chimps

smokes cigarettes you give chimps

cigarettes they like them you see the

video the other day somebody incredible

somebody else of it

somebody dropped a game boy

into a chimp cage in san francisco and there’s like

video and photos of like just chimp just

sitting there playing game boy and like the baby chimp

leg sitting on the

border watching

god they’re like really

really really really really really really

stupid people

yeah but way

stronger way more violent

way more violent

they’re like nine year old we can’t even

understand how

strong they are

apparently like oh a hundred

and fifty pound chimp

is as strong as a five hundred pound man

just try to wrap your head around that

what a five hundred

pound man would feel like

it sounds stupid that there’s no way all depends on

those five hundred

pounds like muscle

or five right

brock lives

what’s the biggest

body shoulder

has there been like a dude all yoked

no fat totally

shredded and four hundred pounds

i’m sure there must be really yeah i

would imagine at this

point but not fat

not powerless i

would imagine there’s somebody that’s doing that

like the biggest bodybuilder ever i’m sure

we can find it will google it

brian google the biggest bodybuilder ever

we’re gonna find this out brian

it’s totally possible

biggest and what is it like

the average

competitive bodybuilder when they’re competing

are they what 5

body fat what’s the average

to be totally ripped

you got to be really good like

5 2 3 3 when

i was when i was doing taekwondo

and when i was cutting weight to make

i was fighting

at 140 pounds

and i really didn’t weigh 140

pounds and i was really

skinny i was very thin

at the time to a very lean low body fat i

was four and a half percent body fat when they told me

like this is getting kind of low like

you know you can’t really get much

lower than that

and be like competitive in anything well one place

those guys steer

those guys don’t do anything though they’re not

you know i’m saying they’re just posing

so they can get really

low like unhealthy low they get to like 3 i think

they’re like

about to pass out on yeah

they do pass out they pass out all the time

those guys are dehydrated as fuck man

it’s like it looks

i mean i’m not into the bodybuilding look it’s a little

ridiculous but you know

as just an aesthetic

just like looking at it like it’s like

like wow look

what that guy’s done with all his work and

sculpted his body it’s kind of fucking

freaky that’s quincy

taylor that was 2009’s

largest one at least

and how much is it

one ten no

doesn’t three hundred

and forty pounds whoa with a five percent body fat whoa

that’s probably

that’s probably the biggest right there

pretty big well bump sap was what was he like 375

it was bob’s

happy to speak

he was about 375 350

but he had a lot of fat

he was never shredded

well he wasn’t and when he first came out and fought

no gear i would not say he had a lot of fat

he wasn’t shredded he had a little bit

but he was so swole

dude do you remember

how big bobsapp was fuck yeah for people who hadn’t

who don’t know what we’re talking

about there was a dude

who fought out of seattle

washington and he only

had a run of only a few years because it was just this

chemically fueled fucking

suicide mission there was no way he

could keep it up

there was no way

no way you could be that big for that many years

how long can you keep that up he was

he was a fucking nightmare for a

while 375 18

months it was a bob zap

gonna take over the

world he was

so big he crushed ernestohus

twice in a kickboxing match

straight kickboxing he beat

ernesto houst

that’s how strong he was

that his sheer

might was enough to bully

houston to a corner and just

smash him he was more feared

than brock lesnar is

today yeah he

was before that car went fight

he was feared and it was cool because he would lose

you know he

would come really close to

smashing guys like no guerra

and then he

would gas out no

guerra got that arm body like

oh shit without

no guerra fight

remember we

watched it here we had a

party here yes

and we were all oh no no no it was we were all at

larry’s house it was

larry’s house

we were watching this shit live

and right when that

started i was just no way

right when he was getting his ass kicked in the

first 45 seconds i’m like no way

no guerra is

gonna win he’s too big

he’s too big

he’s done he’s too big i said that like 50 times

he’s just too big

he’s too big we were

freaking out it was the craziest

fight ever because here

noguerra was the

pride champion at the time

noguerra back then was the number one

heavyweight in the

world nobody had beaten him yet

he was strangling everybody in the jiu jitsu

community fucking

loved him it

was exactly exactly here was this guy was a big

heavyweight 23240

pounds and he was strangling

like high level

wrestlers like mark coleman

off his back

no guerra was the

first big guy

to have a very dangerous

car yeah he

started jacking he was

the first two

and he can take it

he can take it son

nogueira was the

jiu jitsu savior

how about nogueiro crokob

how about that

fight takes it for that

first round takes

it takes it

where’d he brought

took before it was a 10 minute

round bro this is the

pride system is a 10

minute round

wasn’t unusual rules was it that was a regular 10

minute round

right yep and

and nogueira

before no gareth

busted out the

whole like the general consensus in the

mma community was

the guard ain’t shit no

more you can’t you can’t have guys

off your back yeah people still

believe that people believe

that the guard

is dead people actually said that they believe in a

large percentage of the

population did you see the wc

yes dude anthony pettis how

about pettis is that fucking

trying mother

fuck how about

those jackie

chan yes he

touches the ground he’s doing jet

league yeah

yeah in the cage yeah

no he does it’s

effective that a lot of guys don’t like to do it

is that double

roundhouse kick

shogun does that

sometimes you see

me do that that’s crazy

that’s a python don’t move that’s an old school

saying a lot of

styles have it but that’s

always thought to be like really flashy

but it’s kind of high percentage

if you can touch him with the

first kick if you hit the guy with the

first kick the

second kick is

right there i

just most guys don’t want to do that in

mma because they’re

gonna get taken down

god doesn’t give a fuck anthony pet

is is amazing his

fucking guard is so

nasty it’s so quick

like how he

throws up that triangle like every time

shane roller had his harm in their pets

threaten with a triangle

real tight real tight and

shane roller

is no joke no joke

strong as fuck

and shane roller

tested him to he clipped him a couple hard times

and chased him down but

pet has kept his

shit together

just fought

smart didn’t get in any

silly brawls

when he got tagged he moved away

you know it was a

great fight

they didn’t show it on the card

but it was on the

undercard i don’t know why they didn’t show it

hobby vasquez

against the

mackins what

happened i don’t even know what happened dude

hobby vasquez is

gonna tear some

ass i’m telling you so

he’s gonna tear some ass

hobby vasquez

and me grew up

you know in the

southern california

jiu jitsu scene

he was the most feared guy

in my division to my category we were

rivals i went

against him four times

and he beat me all four times

he was amazing

one of those four times i

think i won

you know it’s the

the match and on my dvd

but he technically won on

points but whatever

but anyways

i always knew i knew

explain what do you mean why did you

think you won when he won

well that was the

match where

i pull i pull

guard and he passes my

guard and puts the knee on the belly

so that’s five nothing right away

and then i recovered guard

then i put him

right into the

truck now he’s caught in the twister

you know i was

he was up 5 nothing but

i’m in the truck

so you had him and

for folks who don’t know

when you’re in the

truck when you’re in the twister

you’ve got the guy in a very vulnerable situation

it’s the position it’s like there’s a few positions at

jiu jitsu where you’re in a lot of trouble

when a guy has your back when a guy has your

mount for anybody

doesn’t know jiu jitsu

one of them that’s really

weird is this position called it was

originally the guillotine from wrestling

right yes but

eddie has turned it into a pretty high percentage

submission move for guys who don’t

understand the position

hobby understands the position but

the referees and the rules were not set up to

think that that was a dangerous spot

exactly and

so he’s up five nothing because he passed my

guard and put me on the belt

then i from him passing

he over committed i took

i went put one hook in

how many times does a guy have

to get tapped in that position before they recognize

that that’s a dangerous position for someone to be in

if i’m trying to get

to a position that we call

at 10th planet

jiu jitsu we call the truck

and this is a step

right before you lock a guy up in a twister

how many times do guys

have to get

tapped from that spot before they recognize that or

do you think that if there’s

a lot of old school

shit going on

where they don’t

want to add any new dangerous positions

it takes a lot of time to add the

truck to your game

and to master it

it takes a lot of time

the only way you’re

going to master it

is if for some

personal reason you fall in love with it and you

just attach yourself to it and you just want to do it

or you got to have an instructor

shoving it down your

throat in a in a curriculum

that eventually

you know he

understands is all about

numbers that’s

for someone developing but what i’m talking

about incorporating it into like if you you have a

jiu jitsu competition why are

why do they not recognize that position as

its position

because not enough people are doing it

but still if you

tell if you explain to them what you’re trying to do

it seems like

jujitsu community

should be the they don’t

understand the

position they don’t

understand that’s

silly right

not that many people are doing it it takes

that’s what i was talking about

very few people are good at

right but if i didn’t

spend the time but it’s

commonly acknowledged at this

point that’s a

significant

submission move that’s a real move

everybody knows that

twist is a real move

you know what it’s

starting to get

legit now because katsumura in

japan he just

twisted somebody

and there have been four or five

twisters i think now in m and m i

think everybody’s

kind of acknowledged that it’s a real position

yeah and once you acknowledge that it’s a real position

here’s another one how

about when matt

hughes got ricardo almeida in that schultz

headlock you saw that right

and put him to

sleep we talked about that

now if a guy gets

that now that head and arm if he knows that position

he’s like at a near submission

if he’s like a matt hughes type character that was

never like a near

submission position

that was like a position of control that

front headlock well

there’s a lot

of things you

could do there

front headlock i mean you

could switch

dars in anaconda

yeah there’s a lot of shit there but that’s a new one

but again for that

move to really take off i mean you’re seeing it you’re

smart guy you see it it’s legit

but to get to that

legitimacy personally

with that move is

going to take a lot of practice and

people especially

mma fighters they just don’t have

the time to add to

spend to add new techniques to

their arsenal

cause they’re always

training for yeah they gotta

do kickboxing they

gotta run they

gotta slam tires with

sledgehammers they gotta

roll up hills they

gotta drag logs

all that shit

to add a new

a system to your ground game

you’re gonna have to find some time

and 20 minutes a day

an hour a week maybe

they’re just not doing it that’s all

just yeah i talked to jake

shields about this we had a long interview

for that thing i’m doing for

ufc com it’s a

thing called

ufc ultimate insider

and it’s me

interviewing a lot of guys this week it’s dana

white next week it’s

james tony that one was fucking hilarious

but interviewing jake

shields we talked

about the idea of a

specialist we talked

about the and i said that he you know he’s a specialist

you know anderson

silva’s specialist

crocus specialist

these guys who are really really good at one thing

and then they

start learning the rest of the things

you know and

he said that he believes that that’s the best way to go

what do you

think about that what’s the best way to go to be a

specialist to be awesome at one

thing instead of trying to

learn mixed martial arts

learn jiu jitsu

learn kickboxing

learn wrestling

find one thing get it

all depends

what you want to do i mean

are you trying to

raise a kid

to become an

mma fighter

are you thirty years old

and do you just

wanna do like no no

no no no what what i’m talking

about is what he was talking

about for mma

fighter for mma

because that

he believes that the best way to go is to be a

specialist or something

like he’s like the

level jujutsu that i’m at is what he said

is like you know it’s gonna take

these guys they’re not gonna

reach that level

is basically what you’re saying they were

not with regular

training they’re not

gonna reach that

level so if it turns into a ground game he’s always

gonna be able to dominate them

and you know and with the jake shield

style like jake

shields is a

he’s a powerful fucking dude

if he gets guys down in a

nasty position he can

squash people you know

he’s a powerful

motherfucker the difference between jake

shields and

other wrestlers that we’ve seen come and go

is that he got really good at passing the

guard and getting to the

mount and getting to the back and mastering chokes

he understood that

that’s the way you’re

gonna survive in this

sport you could be a wrestler

and when you know

you’ve been all american

every goddamn year

maybe a champ

every goddamn year if you don’t

learn how to

submit people and pass the

guard you will

never survive

if you don’t

learn how to pass the

guard you will

never survive

if you’re an mma

fighter if you’re not doing

what george st

pierre is doing if

that is the

ultimate game plan

he trains in the ultimate

optimal way

you know if you’re a wrestler

if you’re a

wrestler a college

wrestler and you’re not doing what gsp is doing

after the takedown

you’re never

gonna make it look at you

there’s a school

like a tito or tees

school of thought where

tito just stays in guys guard and

smashes them from

that position and he’s really good at it as far as guys

who are good at beating guys up in the

guard like prime

tito and his

prime he’s one of the very best that

it’s very hard

but if you look at

tito’s a bad

motherfucker but if you look at his

fights he’s not grounded

on anybody in his last he hasn’t

that hasn’t worked well it

doesn’t work well definitely

he’s had some real issues with his health i mean who

knows it’s gonna

be for me back but for me

again what about shao

sun and anderson silva

there’s a perfect example part two or one

the fight yes

that’s a perfect example yeah

lingered in the garden if

kills son and been in the game at least

eight years

if from day one if he would have just

fell in love

with the art of passing

it’s just like the art of takedown

let me propose this just as devil’s advocate what

about guys who say that

a guy’s guard like anderson

said was a very very difficult guard to pass

and chair was pushing a

pretty furious pace

what if he was

thinking that this

would just expand too much energy and worry

about getting caught so he’s not even gonna try to pass

he’s just gonna hold him down try to beat him up

until he finds his opening well if he if

you’re asking what his strategy should have been

at what point and how much

training like if he would actually worked on his

passing and master the passing

and he’s been doing it for five years

if he’s been working and mastering

passing for five years i go dude pass is guard

but if he says i’m

about to fight anderson silva i

haven’t really been working on passing like stay in his

guard if you try to pass you’ll probably fuck up

just if you

could stand half

guard just stay there don’t try

i wouldn’t advise

someone to pass if they

weren’t good at it

right but i mean just for mma

i mean just

for the sake of arguing you get a guy like chelsea

who is this badass

wrestler is a

powerhouse one of the very best guys have

taken dudes down and

beats a lot of guys up like that

first round he stayed inside anderson’s

guard and he beat him up

you know he beat him up from inside there

he worked him over

and he’s really good at that

what if he thinks that he’s

good enough at defending and

he fucked up and made a mistake but he’s good enough at

defending to do that to the very best in the world and

he’s got it down

right now he knows what he’s doing

right now when he

starts adding a bunch of

stuff to it like passing

he’s worried

about you know

maybe this take too much energy i mean just

devil’s advocate

again a five

round fight

again he hasn’t been working on his

this is what i

would do i’d go you know what a rematch is

coming up within six

months you think some

months time

maybe a year whatever it is

whatever it

is well if ever we don’t really know whatever

rematch yeah

well they might they

might not have it okay well

let’s assume

you have to

prepare for it

because he’s out there

people want to see it so you

would say i would

work on passing your guard

if you were

passing a guard

like now and then by the time the

fight happened i

would analyze his passing

and if this passing was

still lacking

within a year i’d go

okay just do the

same shit you did last time we’ll try to pull out so

your thought is that anybody who’s as good as cheryl

sutton is at wrestling

could get that good at

jiu jitsu and be even more dominant

just be a guy who

could if he

could hold you down to your

guard he could really

mount you too he

could really take you back

look what gsp is doing

after the takedown

look what jake

shields is doing

after the takedown

and look what you know even

then there’s

wrestlers that got really good at

passing the

guard got really good at getting to the

mount but they

haven’t really mastered any

submissions yet

and that well

maybe now today yes but so far

sean shirk is one of the best passers in mma

that motherfucker was slicing through

black belt’s

guards he’s a

great passer

he just needs to develop more go to

chokes real simple that

could happen he just got to put the time

and john fitch

same thing john fitch is at

the stage of his development where

he’s getting really good at passing and getting

the back and getting them out

he just needs to keep

going keep working you’re almost there

get two or three moves

put a thousand

reps in each and boom they’re in your pocket it’s

science well i

think he is

doing that i

think he is doing that

development

is getting better at

everything yeah yeah eventually you’re

gonna see john fitch

have one or two really good

submissions that he’s killing people with

and then you’re like damn

it’s coming

along he’s gonna jake

shield is already there he’s gonna be

breaking guys too jake

shield is the furthest

wrestler so far

right now in

mma all the

wrestlers jake

is not only mastered passing

but jake gets to the back beautifully

gets to the

mount beautifully and has some go to shit

his guillotines are badass

he’s got i mean doris from hell he does that

crazy one arm guillotine

where you grab the guy’s chin

and you post out in

front of his head and you pull it up

tito ortiz used that

way back on yuki condo remember that and then jake is

still looking to expand his game because even

at the point

where jake is

the future is

going to be jake standard

after people see it that’s

going to be the standard

and the people that are

going to pop through

are the ones that not only have jake shields

but then they got like

seven eight

other little

transitions that end up in kills too

you know that’s

the future these kids that are

training now like

those ruff o brothers

holy shit those

ruff o’gravory mcdonald’s yeah

there’s a perfect

example there’s a dude who grew up doing mixed

martial arts now

yeah there’s a lot of kids

right now like tori

victor son oh yeah holy shit

holy davila

yeah victor davila the guy

was the he’s my

he does my job for

the spanish broadcast he’s the son coolest fucking guy

he has three sons one of them is

named vanderleigh

he’s the spanish joe rogan

one of them is

named vanderley

his name is victor he’s one of the

greatest guys he’s one of the

greatest guys ever

his sons are awesome they’re just they just worship

mma he’s got

one 10 year old son 30

and then he’s got two

younger sons like

three and four they’re really really young but

before they

could walk they were already

throwing combinations he is raising

three killers and dory

holy shit he’s 10

i’m talking to a 10 year old

and he’s breaking down

other people’s performance and how

like at tournaments he’s

breaking down

other people’s performances

how they missed the electric chair

why the old

school didn’t work

he’s pointing a

chair in old

school or all techniques yeah

yeah and i’m sitting there having

a philosophical

conversation with a 10 year old

he’s very he’s a very good

father and he’s there all the time with his kids and

he’s genuinely enthusiastic

about his kids he takes his son all over the

place he’s a

super fucking cool

human being

he had a great time with that guy

that’s when i got really into mexico

when i got really into all this border violence

when i really really got into it was talking

to him because

when we first met him

victor was living in juarez

which is like the bad town

the bad border town

and he said it was horrifying they have to

drive at night with

their dome light on

so that people

can see inside your car and they know there’s no

enemy in your car

because there’s just all this

drug violence back and forth he said it was terrifying

and it took him a long time to get to the united

states to get to move here

to work for the ufc

he was like working for the

ufc and then

going back to juarez just

fearing for his life yeah like so close

to like the

the perfect fucking gig ever he’s a guy was a huge

mixed martial arts fan well he’s fucked ten

times he’s an

mma fighter a

fighter had a

martial art

school in mexico and he’s rolled it

jim a gang of times

he’s opening up 10th planet in el paso

texas that’s

the spanish

joe rogan is

gonna be the head instructor

10th planet el paso that’s in the works

right now he’s looking for

could not meet a nicer

human being and this guy was living when we met

him he was living in a war zone

essentially

he’s living in the middle of a drug

zone excellent

teacher he translated for me in argentina when i did

a few seminars down there

and we worked together like fucking

abbot and costello

man it was just

fucking perfect i have this that’s awesome you know

cause my spanish

sucks i need

that i would

throw an occasional

spanish here and there but

i don’t wanna go too deep and

sound like an

idiot so i kept it english

but viktor was

right there was like

man we work together like a broadcast team

not stepping over each

other he knew the

the puncture

he would add some

shit that i missed that i was here i’m like damn dude

he’s a bad motherfucker man but his sons

he’s raising some nightmares

yeah but very respectful and very cool they’re not

gonna be thugs they’re just

gonna be little killers

he’s just such a nice guy

and that’s one of the coolest things

about this job working for the ufc

we work with so many cool people man

those road trips are fun as fuck oh yeah

it’s a giant family of like 100 ufc

employees yeah and

everywhere you

go like the

story is i mean

there’s the in the cage everybody sees in the cage

but there’s so much shit going

on and around the

ufc the production and

all the different people that work for

them like when they

argue with each other

i’m online i’m online right now

what the fuck you get your shit together

we going five

i love that shit i love it when the producer

bruce connell

and or the director

anthony jaredona when they

you missed the when

they start fucking with goldie

no when they

start yelling at each

other really it’s hilarious you know they fuck with

goldie sometimes i hear goldie

literally next to me even though he’s pressing

the you know the direct

i can hear his voice yeah

cause you don’t

know you fucking told me i’m fuck i’m here

right now what

the fuck oh yeah

i love those arguments i just sit in the back just

dying of laughter but it’s

everybody’s friendly they’re like they like little

you know wives and husbands

bitching each

other but they love each

other it’s like oh yeah

super super cool relationship

like there’s no one that goes

guys here again

like there’s not one guy like that everyone

super fucking cool the

whole crew is awesome everybody all

those guys in the

production it’s the

greatest traveling road

roadshow ever

i mean we’re like it’s like a carnival

you know it’s like a

traveling carnival now

it used to be a

vegas thing

for the longest time we’re doing most of

yeah man i can’t believe that

i almost walked away from it almost

i’m glad you didn’t

what eddie does if you don’t know is

eddie when the

fights are going on

there’s always like a really important

positional move that we want to show

in the replay

transition transition

setups could be

striking too

cause you do that too

right you don’t just do

no striking

they don’t need me for the

striking i’ll add my two cents on different

angles but they don’t need me

that was the ground

stuff if you

watched like the one that he wasn’t at

was the one

where brock

lesnar fought

shane carwin and the

truck missed

this really important transition

him getting out of the half

guard and going this

is when i quit

i worked for the ufc for

seven years

it’s been wonderful i love everybody dana lorenzo

frank their kids

everybody i love them to

death they are the

greatest motherfuckers on the planet

for doing what they did for

mma in my life

i’ve been working with them for

seven years

you know and then

i thought it was time to move on

and i thought it was time to

leave the production

truck and start

my fire i just wanted to

court you know it’s time

i had guys in the main card and they

started blowing up and i’m like shit

because you got a help

right well we

found a way to let you do both

which is really the

ideal thing because

i quit for one shot

but the play by

the rather the playback

the replays

they were missing like a lot of the

transitions if you don’t

understand jiu

jitsu if you don’t know it

then you’re not

going to be able to pick up what was important

about a series of moves all you’re

going to see is oh here’s the checkmate

but there’s all this shit that’s

going on before the checkmate

and that’s like what makes

mma so interesting

yeah you see

like a guy setting a guy up for something you see a guy

goes for the single and he grabs his leg and this is

where he fucked up he got his arm through

and here he cinches it

and he rolls into

the gator roll whatever the technique you’re looking at

what’s cool is to be able to see

all the steps

especially when it’s a difficult path

to see all the cool steps

the guy had to get through to get

to what the

final submission is

before i started

supervising the replays

if someone got caught in a triangle that’s a

submission move

the replay would be the guy tapping in the triangle

and i just got used to

watching the

ufc i would just rewind it

if you wanted to see the

setup you can’t

wait for the replay you got to rewind it manually

and check out the

setup but when i

started you know

the guys in the

truck they’re awesome guys they just don’t train

jiu jitsu they just

they’re just not

they just don’t

understand yeah

and like other

sports i mean you know like if you’re

watching a boxing

match you really need to see the combination

that finish the guy off that’s what you need to see

yeah well jiu

jitsu it’s like

you’re never sure

where to start it

you know as he

started here

well here’s

where he ends it so let’s just do it a couple

seconds before that and then show the ending

yeah jujitsu

for people who don’t know

it’s one of the most interesting

things to try to

learn and get

good at because it’s one of the most humbling things

where you realize that no matter what you do you’re

never going to know it all it’s impossible

like you can

think you know all the

punches in the world

you can box and

there’s only a certain amount

of ways you can move your hands when you’re hitting

things with your knuckles

there’s a finite number and there’s a

bunch of different combinations

a bunch of different

ways to set people up and to hit people with

things that they’re not expecting

it means no

taking away from the art of boxing

but what jujitsu is it’s so

weird it’s like

there’s so many positions to fuck somebody up

there’s so many ways to

choke somebody to take an arm to

fuck their leg up to

there’s so many different counters

to so many different positions

it’s really

never ending and that

sounds ridiculous when you tell people that it’s

never ending

but there’s always new moves

i’ve been doing

jiu jitsu now

since ninety eight

and there’s

always there shit now

that nobody had then nobody was doing it’s always

changing it’s always

evolving yeah

it really is like

chess it really is like

a game chess

we’re trying to kill each

other it’s like

chess but like the

chess board like

is your buzz

alive and it grew and it

changed and

it always changed and

the shapes and the powers of the different

pieces always

changed and it’s growing in different directions

yeah that’s what jujitsu is like

yeah that’s also it’s like

that makes sense but it

does make sense

cause it’s like

it’s super tactical it’s just

never changes

right it makes

sense yeah you

might always go

with some big

giant wrestler dude you

gotta roll a totally different game

you know you go

against some jeff glover character and you

gotta watch your p’s and q’s then next

thing you’re

going with some

big giant gorilla guy and you kind

of try to figure out how to attack him off your back

totally different moves totally

different people is there new moves in the actual

world of chess

now is there can

anyone’s come up no there’s like certain

there’s right there’s no new moves

and poker there’s no new moves but there’s strategies

i think they probably

they’re they’re creative with

their strategies i

think i don’t know

chess enough to

understand how many different moves there are but i

understand there’s like

thousands if not millions is there different

i just said is there like

newer forms of

chess like it’s like chess

but it’s different and they have different the

pieces have different powers whatever

it’s always the same

it’s different so much

it doesn’t have really a chinese

checkers version of

chess really

or just chinese

super i wonder this chinese

chess times a hundred like it’s

super crazy

super technical and

i watched a video once

where a dude

was in a whole room

he’s that guy that runs that website with

marcella garcia marcel

garcia has that website with that guy josh i forget his

name something fisher

well he was in the

movie searching for

bobby fisher was

based on his life

i forget josh’s last name forgive me

but he’s a brown belt

under marcelo and he’s fanatical

about jiu jitsu

and he talks

about jiu jitsu he was a

chess master

so he talks

about jiu jitsu the same way he talks

about chess

and he was talking

about playing

chess that one time he did a demonstration

where he played 40 fucking games at the same time

there’s all

these people in a room i

think it was 40 forgive me if

i had the wrong number that’s incredible but

a bunch of different

games altogether i believe he said it was 40

and he was wandering around his room playing all

these games like he

would move to the next table

make his move move to the next

table make his move

and he said that all

these things

just kind of flowed together and it all became one

giant big game

so yeah that’s your answer yeah you can

play 40 fucking different people he starts

stacking your

chest that’s a dude who’s taking it to another

level he was talking my

brain just started hurting i just wanted to take a nap

i was listening to him talk

about it i was like i just want to take a nap

i bet that dude has bad breath

i bet he doesn’t

i bet he’s fucking perfect

the guy’s a genius

i bet he brushes

and flosses

he never skips a day

and he’s becoming a jiu

jitsu master now too he’s obsessed with jiu jitsu can i

can i plug is it a

good time to plug my

seminar yeah where’s your child

my next seminar is in rochester it’s

gonna be a ten planet rochester the name of the

mma academies empire

september 18th saturday

september 18th my new websites

up and running 10th planetjj com

free techniques

till october 1st all the techniques for free the

whole world can have them

everything that’s on the website

so that’s till

october 1st

that’s about it for me

this website

or this podcast is always a strange podcast

where people don’t know anything about

mma or jiu jitsu and

we get into these

conversations like the ham sandwich in the

truck and the douchebag

these are all

jiu jitsu moves one of the funniest things

about you know

training at 10th planet is all the moves are

almost all of them are ridiculously named

i mean some of them make

sense you know

but we have quite a few ridiculous yeah

some names that i’m in

control like i’m i

anytime someone says that i’m like damn it

well there’s

crackhead control which has come up in the wec

frank mere how to call it crackhead

control did he

yeah he called it he

said this is what

eddie bravo

refers to as crackhead control

why is crackhead control so bad of a name well how

about when i said rape

choke when i said that’s way

worse everybody got upset

but that’s what it is

yeah why is anything

upsetting if that’s what it is

with crackhead control the reason why we call it the

crackhead control is the idea was that

it’s a very

good position from the bottom we got the guy tied up

good and proper

and that was

it’s a good

position that you’d want to be in if there was a

crazy crackhead trying to beat

the fuck out of you because when you lock him up in

crackhead control he really

doesn’t have any options to beat

on he can’t move he’s

completely helpless so that’s why i was

crackhead he’s tied up tight

so we call it

crackhead control

and then this retard control

if the crackhead control ain’t working right

retard control

and crackhead control probably around the same equal

it’s equal we used to

think that retard was better because of a gable

grip hmm maybe

you know what i

should test

i should test there’s a move that’s

gonna get done

in the octagon eventually called the douchebag and it’s

one of the best ways to take a guy’s arm when you’re

in what we call the spider web when you’re in the

when you’re in side

mount on a guy

and you’re trying to attack his arm

and you got an arm and you’re

lying on your back and he’s

on his back and you can’t get his arm straightened out

there’s this awesome move called the douchebag

where you take your foot

you stick it in the dude’s face like

a douchebag

right is not

on his neck and then you pop it out and it works

great and eventually

we’re gonna figure it out

super hype and

we were gonna see a douchebag in mma

and you know it before it wherever these

and happens i’m

gonna have to say this is i’m

sorry ladies and gentlemen

i’m your kids

this is called the douchebag

and that’s what it is it’s

funny that a douchebag is a bad word that’s hilarious

is it well it’s

kind of unpleasant

considering

china cleansing device

once i clean

someone’s old

yeah it offends

women douche

commercials

right i think it offends some women

some women just don’t want you talking

about vaginas period

dudes are very rarely

upset when chicks are talking

about dicks and dick products and

even if you’re making fun of the

size of dicks

dudes don’t get upset

but any conversation that a man has

about a woman’s vagina it better

either be technical he better be the father of her

children or

you know i’m saying

like you can’t just talk

about chicks pussies

so you call a douchebag that’s something that

cleans out a pussy

that’s a fucking terrible insult

don’t talk about my

emptiness shh

be quiet all of vagina is just

empty there’s no sack there’s no ball there’s a hole

empty that’s a terrible way to look at it

emptiness no it’s

enveloping it’s just love

covering your cock

nothing it’s not nothing it’s getting rid of the

nothing it’s closing in on the deck

it’s not nothing that’s a very significant

thing it’s a trapeze that space

it’s like a

venus flytra

there will be no

space once the

union is made that’s why

a girl with an excellent

pussy is always

gonna need a deck to

that was beautiful i

did thank have you ever put a balloon

like definitely

he’s definitely

standing up for women like

i represented the fucking scumbags yo bro it’s not

empty brother

it’s not empty it’s a beautiful thing

now like fake

poultry on you

it looks like it’s

empty but really it was

everything my

grandmother raised me and she’s

basically my best friend

and i just fucking can’t see you talk

about women like that man

not while she’s still

alive that was a move that dudes would do

where they would

stand up for

women just to be a cunt

when it didn’t make any

sense there was one time

where i was at a bar with a couple

comics and this one dude who wasn’t very

funny but he was very

self righteous

these girls were

drunk as fuck and they were just being really loud and

obnoxious at the comedy show and then they decided to

drive home and i’m like oh check out

these fucking pigs that’s what i said you know that’s

what i felt i felt like they were pigs there were loud

angry mean chicks heckling at the comedy

show and then they were getting in a car to drive home

the guys like hey man

i don’t wanna be around you if you

wanna talk about

women like that

what are you talking

about i’m not talking about

women in general

i’m talking

about these

three shitty

human beings that have been yelling and they’re

drunk as fuck now they’re

gonna drive and

maybe slam into a fucking family

and you know blow a car up they were heckling and you

smashed them

oh yeah well

i don’t remember if i

smashed them

cause these are the

early days of my heckling

my heckling

skills were not that good back then dude

this is 1991

90 91 i’d only been

doing comedy a couple of years what do you personally

think about

cheryl sunns

ability to talk shit

fucking unprecedented

really i’ve never seen

a professional athlete talk as much shit get me to

laugh as much

jails on and made me

laugh more than ninety percent of the comedians i know

when he would

start talking shit

how about when fucking jim rome

jail son says that he

thinks that

lance armstrong

took drugs and he

cheated and you know he

took steroids and that’s why he lost the ball to cancer

so he realizes

after he said that he’s probably

should have said that he’s saying all kinds of

crazy shit to get attention and it’s a fucking

genius ploy

i mean the guy’s a

smart dude right

he’s running

he runs for office as a republican

he says crazy shit like you know i’m a republican

and i don’t lie on my back when a man between my legs

like he says

crazy shit like that and it’s funny

so anyway he says all this shit

about lance armstrong

and then he realizes fuck what do i do what do i do

so he brainstorms and says i’m just

gonna deny it

so he gets on jim rome show he goes i did not say that

lance armstrong and i i’ve

known lance i

worked out with

lance at the nike

training facility

and somebody

plays him for the fucking tape

and she also

goes maybe i have a bad

connection but that

doesn’t sound like me that fella

sounded hispanic

fucking hilarious

he’s a crusher

dude when he when he gets up and does

those question and answer things

nobody’s better than him he’s got prepared material

he’s good wow he’s a fucking

genius man he’s the best shit talker ever if he won

god damn that guy would be rich as fuck

that guy as the ufc middleweight champion

would be the richest the biggest

draw in all of mma

because no one could talk shit like him

brock lesnar is always gonna be the biggest

he’s just fucking larger than life monster character

but chill center would be right up there

with all those sarah palin douchebags all those fucking

crazy tea party assholes you think he’s a

i would hate it

if i had to go into a shit

talking contest with hail son and i was like damn this

might get ugly

this guy got a battle

i got a battle

like wow this

would be on

i don’t know man i

wouldn’t like it i don’t like it that’s a

tough fight

i would like

it is there a

sport like that

where you just talk shit

on someone like you just come at em you just contact

your mom can’t hurt someone

you can’t hurt someone who knows themselves

like real shit like talking like a yo mama show

but you really got into

what shit talking really

is is calling somebody out on something or getting

somebody on some shit that they’re not addressing

but if you’re addressing

everything and you’re honest it’s

very hard to talk shit on someone who’s pretty honest

about themselves

cause you talk shit on

like a good comic

talk shit on a doug stanhope

or something like that doug will tell you what’s

wrong with him

a hundred times

worse than you

could ever tell him what’s

wrong with you and then

he’ll fuck with you

like if you pick on

doug doug will go you know

about being an alcoholic

doug will go

deep into how fucking

crazy he is deep into what’s

wrong with being an outclog

deep into how weak

he feels when he takes that six beer of the morning

he’ll go deep into it and then

will turn on you

you’re fucked because he just took away you’re not

going to say anything better than what he said

about himself

and then he’s

going to shred you

because he’s 100 times

smarter than you and he’s done this

every day of his life for the last 20 years

it’s really like doing

jiu jitsu against a

white belt it’s

like ever take a

break i don’t

think he’s a

monster doug

yeah he takes little breaks

he goes to bisbee

he’s been talking

about moving to austin

texas we’re talking

about doug stanhope

fantastic comedian and

a good friend

of mine and we were co hosts on one of the

worst shows on

television the

second version of the man show

a couple haters on the internet

were on a thread

about my website or something like that

and one guy comes on and says

why don’t you post

his match with leo vera

to watch a real ass

whipping or something like that

how come he

doesn’t post that oh this is your

match with leo

vera yeah and i’m like dude

why don’t you

check out the

intro to my dvd

i showed me getting fucked up i put it on my

intro dude why don’t you

watch that that’s

funny how many people do that

maybe um is

draco lino speaking of

which is fighting tonight he’s on the

strike force oh shit

yeah he’s making a comeback how old is that dude

you know what i didn’t even know i

heard about the rakulin oh

my whole like

my whole jiu

jitsu career i was on

stage someone

nice like forty two

he’s not that old okay

how old john

chuck yeah i

guess john talks

about forty two as well

it’s cool seeing all

these old school

jiu jitsu guys it’s cool seeing all

these good guys and oh and you know what

who the fuck there’s another

fight that just

got announced that it’s a fucking awesome

fight efrain

escadera is

fighting that

that sick jujitsu kid

who’s that kid who just fought recently on versus

the brazilian really young kid 20 years old hot

i don’t know

who this is

what some of

you fucks out there in la

la lands you know who it is put that shit up on twitter

i don’t know what the guy’s name was but anyways

gonna fight a

frame in austin

texas ufc spike

night austin

yeah there’s a couple new brazilians coming out

on the prelims that people don’t get to watch

generally sometimes they

throw them up but

i think i know you’re talking

about there’s a couple yeah

lightweight brazilians that

that are on fire

right now i forget

their names though

yeah i forget the dude’s name i

think one is like

like charles

only that it’s

right yes charles

only that is it that

dude okay that’s exactly the kid we’re talking about

and he submitted who the hell do you

submit i forget

god was good though

he locked him up

quick anyway

dude i’m the

worst fucking

the worst with there’s

so many different names or so many different dudes

i want to give a

quick shout out to matt horowitz for

choking out

tyler’s lateos last week for

those of you who missed it it was

the biggest win of his career

nobody deserves it more than

matt he works harder than anybody i know and he has

you know no one has an open mind like

matt horowitz so

i love you man

if you don’t know who matt horwich is my horwich

is one of the

weirdest guys ever that’s fighting

and he was in the

ufc for a bit

and lost a couple of squeaky

close decisions

got the boot but he’s just the strangest

coolest nicest friendliest guy

and every time you talk

to him is like well the universe is a beautiful place

and stars and

galaxies are all connected together and one

timely pulse all

bring us closer to love

and to the future

yeah and you’re like okay

all right man

like but he believes it like he said

shit like that like that’s really what’s on his mind

the universe is a beautiful thing

fucking who

has less ego than that

guy no one he has zero ego and his ground i mean his

stand up needs a lot of work

still but his

wrestling and his

jiu jitsu especially

is looking dangerous

thing to do

what he did tal’isalatus not just to

catch him and take his back and strangle him but

to put him in bad positions over and over

again and survive when he was in that arm triangle

he had his back a couple times he had him

in jew claw

he did great i think

talus latex

did not expect him to be that good on the ground

i think he underestimated how good his ground game is i

think he looked at some other

fights and he thought he was

going to be able to stalemate with him in the ground

but you know harwich

just attacks he attacks

his fucking

guard looks so good man

when he went to that hit

the hazelet

which is the move off the

oma plaza which is a

shoulder lock

rolling with him is

amazing he calls out

like in every position he’ll call out and we’ll talk

about what’s

going on in the position

what he should do

and what i’m

gonna do well

right now he’s got me in

crackhead control

he’s trying to get my hand to the

mat oh the zombie worked

and now he’s probably

going to try to

clear my neck and get me into

invisible call i

should probably keep my posture up

i mean he’ll

narrate the whole role

it’s incredible

yeah he’s a

he does that all the time i want to give a

shout out to the frog

mouth ow the frog

mouth did you find it

yes the papawn

frog mouth is that what it’s called yeah

did you get a

picture of it p a p u a n

p a p u a n

this is what we’re talking

about early in the show

ladies and gentlemen

this fucking mexican witch

p u what p a p

u a n frog mouth

so if i can give a shout out to tyrone

what does that mean

tyrone oh well there’s the thing okay it

doesn’t really look like that no not really

i mean it looks weird but it doesn’t look nearly as

weird as the one that was in that video look

this just looks like a fucked up looking owl

maybe the one was just an extreme version

of yeah it’s kind of like i don’t know if you saw that

picture that’s

floating around

right now of a pig

that looks like the face is like

gotten in a car accident

but that’s actually what the face looks like it looks

speaking a car accident

heidi montage

plastic surgeon

died this week

because he was twittering

about his dog and he fell off a

cliff that was his last twitter

his last twitter

that was his last twitter

right before he fell off the

cliff yeah he was on top

of a mountain with his dog and he took this photo of

his dog like overlooking this

sweet like hill on pch

and then that was his last twitter

and then he

something happened

where he fell off the

side of the road probably involving a cell phone but

well how do you know

that it wasn’t everyone saying that he was twittering

right when the

crash happened

which most likely

he was twittering and fell

off the cliff

just fall off

exactly the

exact what was moments before he twittered

and then they

showed that so you say no what are you saying

i don’t think he was twittering

while he’s driving as i was fuck

yeah he was what are you talking

about what other explanation do you have for the guy

i’m driving off a cliff

you’re so crazy

brian you just

argued that you don’t even have any evidence

of course he was

doing that what’s your evidence

the guy was

twittering he

drove off a

cliff that’s

the evidence is he twittered when he was in his car

right that means

he was driving and twittering for sure okay

if you’re in your car

and that’s when the twitter goes off and it’s

right before you crash

but he’s saying

he’s saying how do you

prove that the twitter

wasn’t right before he got

that’s what the

news article said

no no i know no so so the

proof is he

drove off the cliff

that’s the proof the

proof is he was

and then moments

earlier he was

put that together like

even if the twitter

making the twitter didn’t

cause him to

drive off the

cliff the type of person

that would be in his fucking car twittering

about his dog

that type of person is not paying attention

and if it’s not that it’s

gonna be something else it’s

gonna be him

trying to make a

phone call or him getting a

phone call or him

changing the station or him

looking for something on the navigation

system he’s a fucking idiot

or he was damn

you have a lot

of hatred for this guy that died that just

might have been

twitter makes me

crazy when i

see people texting and twittering when they’re driving

it drives me nuts

some fucking lady did this

when she was working for one of the improvs and she

was taking me to the publicity she was a very nice lady

and in the middle of fucking the highway

this bitch starts

steering with her knees

two hands on

the texting

i go hey hey hey you gotta stop

like you can’t do it shows i’m really good at this

like the fuck you are

the fuck you really good at this like stop

pull over get me out of the car

there’s no way

you’re not paying attention

that’s nuts

you’re gonna have two hands

off the fucking

steering wheel

you’re gonna be

steering with your knees

while you do this

yeah you know

she’s just touching it with her knuckles

like kind of like

sort of steering like this if you’re gonna test

while you drive you

gotta do it with one hand

come on what the fuck you thinking

you know what i’ll be honest with you man

i’ll be honest with you

i i text through

fucking maholand dude

stop i turn that

man through

going through my

hole and stoned

as fuck stop doing that no

no i’m just listen

to what you

gotta do man that’s what you

gotta do that’s what i do

when i get in my car

i throw my fucking

phone in the seat

i don’t even look at that shit

and if it rings it goes through the boot

system if it rings

i can press a button and talk to somebody

but i don’t fuck with

it in la it’s way

different though

in la it’s way different

the reason you’re like this

probably is because you were

you did it there were times that you did do it

and you fucking looked up and you were on the

other side of

the fucking road

no i’ve never done that

but no never

got to those

points no no i’ve

never done that but

there’s what

i don’t like the

temptation to do it because when i’m at home

and my phone is just sitting there i want to

check twitter

but i’ll find myself

checking twitter

there’s a million

things that i

should be doing

but because i have the access to it and because it’s

right there

it’s very hard to

avoid for me i’m very indulgent like that

so i don’t want

to be in my car like looking through twitter

i know me i

would do it

i would start

replying to people in

ohio though the driving was so boring that you

could read a book

seriously you never

do that because anything can happen i try to tie

some red lights red

lights boom up 12

you can get one out of the red

light that’s

totally off the record as long

as long as you’re not doing it

while you’re actually driving

trying to finish the last

three words

just the last

three words we’re

almost there almost there and then you’re driving dude

it’s it’s very dangerous they

gotta have voice

activated they do

that’s the future

they do the android the new android

system apparently

it works not just for that it works for

navigation works for a

bunch of different

things you can

write notes to yourself

iphone’s gonna handle that shit

maybe well you know what

iphone does a lot of cool shit

that i like i like the fact that you can record notes

the little recording

icon what is it called can i see your notes

the one that’s on the

front page record

voice memos

is that what it is

voice memos

and that shit that’s what it is and

voice memos keys up to your computer so i record shows

and then all i have to do is

stick it into my computer or if i have an idea

i record it on that i

stick it into my computer and i have a record of it

and then i back it up with mobile

me it’s like you can’t fucking make a cd really quick

it’s the convenient

you could have if you wanted to

yeah i mean if you

want to make a really shitty cd and release it for free

no no no cd

for the car

you know you

could drive around and listen to it

unless you got it all yeah

three dollars no

apple does a lot of cool shit

but this google android man

those fucking

things are coming

close man they’ve got a lot of cool new features that

apple doesn’t have yet

does iphone or

apple do they make like a

like a badass car

system that

is no how cool

would that be

an apple car

stereo dude that

would be the shit

well you kind

of already have one it’s called the iphone you know

i didn’t use that the same way

you don’t can’t just

the sound i mean

you can can’t just

tell it like

my lexus i can just

press a button and tell it

where i want to go

i could say you know

irvine well yeah

using gps software on the iphone i have

navigon where you

has like you know but you have to

touch your phone

off just touch a button on the

steering wheel

if we could get it so that

everything was

voice operated

and you didn’t have to take your hand off

the steering

wheel ever that

would be the move the problem with

the iphone is

you gotta fuck around with this little tiny device and

focus on this little

that’s right in

front of you as opposed to

this whole world that’s

headed towards you going 70

miles an hour

that’s what fucks you up

about driving and texting

you focus on this little

thing and then

every time you

look up you have to regain all your bearings

the crazy thing is that

we’ve accepted

talking while we’re driving with

if you got a headset or you got a

system like yours

we’re allowing that

as long as you got your eyes on the road

you can talk because then they

would have to outlaw talking to the guy sitting shotgun

right like you can’t talk in the car

and the worst can

imagine that if you

couldn’t talk in your car the words are too dangerous

when you have it over your loud

stereo systems it’s like you’re in the

world of listening

like so if they’re downtown and it’s like busy singing

you wouldn’t be allowed to sing to a song

i listen to people and i talk to people on my

phone all the time through the

stereo system i don’t

think it’s any different than me having

a person in the car that i’m having a conversation with

what about why

would it be what

about outlawing playing drums on your

steering wheel

who doesn’t do that

right they’re

gonna have to outlaw that shit

right you’re not

fully controlled of vehicle a

cop can pull you over your fucking

listening to

some rock you only have to have two hands on the

steering wheel

right you don’t even have to have two hands

you don’t have

to be ten and two you have to be seatbelt and that’s

about it really yeah i

never really knew that i mean they assume that you’re

gonna control the

vehicle but i don’t

think that you have to control in any

particular way

if you want to get

fruity and have like a little ring that you

stick your finger through and

drive around town like this you can’t wear

shades while you

drive what if they say do you remember the

thing called the suicide

wheel do you remember

thing called the suicide wheel

when i was a kid well

a couple dudes who had hot rods had a little

thing called a suicide wheel

and what it was is like a little tiny wheel

that was on the

steering wheel

and you would

steer with this little tiny

wheel but that

wheel spun itself

so like you this fucking car

would spin all over the

place holding on to this thing

they call it a suicide wheel

that’s crazy

i think that’s a cholo

thing no no

hot rod steering

wheels when i was a kid

you know the little chain

all any of my friends want

wanted was one of

those fucking

stupid old american

hot rods that’s all anybody wanted all my old cars my

first cars my

first car was a 1973 chevelle

and then i had a 68 442

and then i had a

buick skylark and i had a chevelle

all and a barracuda all

my cars were like old hot rods

hey you know all of a

sudden i think them

chain steering walls with the fucking dude

they were dope

those old cars man

they suck like my barracuda

sucks driving it

they handle like shit

they’re totally dangerous

they don’t break as well as rare cars they’re

super super

heavy you know

it’s like a really

antiquated sort of a way of constructing a car but

but there’s something

about it man

there’s something

about those cars do rappers

bling out their

steering wheel ever

oh yeah they

put diamonds

on their steering

wheel they do all

kinds do that

on the steering

wheel man that you

watch tvs on their

watch mtv cribs

no dudes has

steering wheels on

their fucking

with a big like

seven inch screen

where they’re watching

videos on their

steering wheel

illegal now

you driving around some

other joint watching scarface on your fucking

steering wheel assholes

i think it’s bad that eddie bravos texted

this motherfuckers

watching scarface for the one billionth time

those like the best episode of curb my enthusiasm

when crazy eyes killer

remember when larry david met crazy eyes killer

and he had him over the house is

explained his floor

is my floor is made out of some some floor shit

so i’m just playing with a big flat

screen play scarface twenty five

like twenty four seven

have you ever seen the one

where he gets caught with a hooker

and weed in the car no

oh that’s the best one i

saw that one that’s

old that’s a good one

the old ones the best ones

because a genius

it’s not that many dudes like that

just it’s so hard to get really good at making

those kind of comedies

you know it’s like

every time there’s a new sitcom it’s out she’s

i want to give it a shot i want to give him a chance

but how many people are good at that you know

so hard especially on regular tv it’s so hard

to do anything controversial on regular tv now have you

heard bait car

what is that the new show bait car

bait car yeah it’s where they

spell it b ait

c a r yeah it’s

where they take a car

and they set it up they’ve done it in like cops before

where they take it and set it up and then

these people go to

steal it and

everything locks you know what

i saw it’s not

that good it

sounds great it’s

a great pitch but

they can’t um

they don’t want to go on high speed

chases so what they do is they just turn off the car

yeah but that’s kind of cool you

know just be

trapped in cars i like that though

i don’t want high

speed chase yeah

slamming into some fucking kids i want a high

speed chase man

you know what i t

bone middle

because it’s i t i t

watched one i go i erased all that shit i go this is

boring all you

ever tivo steven seagal lawman

no oh you fucked

up it off the air yes you got to get that on

dvd or get it on itunes i’ll get it you got to get it

you got to get it it’s g man seagal

he’s a real cop

steven seagal is a cop

it’s incredible

now what do you think

what do you think

about anderson

silva walking out steven i think as

it was awesome

do you think

that was kind of like it was a cop

like a funny

thing if it was he will

never tell you

he would never admit it

but or is he a

real like a genuine fan of

when i went to interview anderson silva

at blackhouse

anderson silva

i’m not bullshitting

for half an hour was in character as helio gracie

for half an hour i would love

to and they said that he had done it for the last two

hours and he was yelling

jiu jitsu jiu

jitsu is my life

boss wigwad

and he starts talking in portuguese

all these different

things yelling out and he’s doing it no bullshit for

thirty fucking straight minutes

he’s a joker man

he thinks everything is

funny that guy is always playing around so what do you

think steven seagal thought

you thought he was like damn was he

honored like shit he really wants me

i really think that

anastasil has

taken notes why steven

seagal’s telling him how to kick people in the knees

that’s the dumbest

thing in the

world the animus zilba may very well be the

greatest fighter that has ever

graced the face of the planet

there may not be another guy ever that has ever lived

that is on that guy’s

skill level and that’s no bullshit

that’s some real shit

are you really

think he wants to listen stevens to go

tell him to

twist wrist and shit

that’s crazy shit it’s

someone’s gotta walk out with fucking gently

right it’s funny

but i think he probably respects him as a martial

artist maybe

look people can tell you all kinds of

things and they

might be retarded they

might be half

crazy but every

now and then they’ll say something that you can use

you know every now and then

i’ve had a lot

of dumb people say some really useful shit to me

and i just it’s like

a matter of being able to cherry pick that out of the

out of the other

diarrhea they’re spewing

man with all the

crazy techniques that are being proven

that were once thought of as jokes like we were talking

about before

all the weird shit

at first we

never thought that head kicks

would ever work and then you know

marco who was

oh no no marcos was the leg kicks

no i thought leg kicks

would work marco will

ask him prove that

now everyone leg kicks judo there’s no judo before carl

and then there was no

there was no

head was judo i

was the first guy to head

kick everyone at one

point we thought head kicks

would never work

and they would

never work in real

fights like that was all for the

movies no one kicked anybody in the head

that you’re

gonna get taken down

their low percentage

now people are

not getting on yeah there’s a

bunch of different

things and then

the balls the new one is the

kakuda kakuda

kicking with a

front kick we thought

those kicks were jokes like a few years ago and now

we never did because

semi schilt has been taking guys out with that in k1

forever and

i think most people looked at

the fact that he was so tall

like that’s why they were mmm

that’s what i thought i go you know what

he’s so tall

he’s making

these weird kicks work he’s just

gonna poke people i didn’t

quite think that i thought it was real

cause he uses it on high

level guys well most

people thought

bother hari with that

most people

thought those

traditional karate

kicks were a joke

you know there’s

a thread where

people with

fighters only

magazine said that he’s

gonna come back to the

ufc he’s talking

about yeah yeah

i read that i don’t

know if you make

265 and then the latest

huge now you know

that we’ve had turning sidekicks proven turning

like kang lee he’s proving the turning sidekicks are

legit after other

people have done it too but now it’s totally legit

now you got

anthony pettis doing the fucking jackie chan

kicks yeah that

crazy kick that he did he

leaned down

literally where he was like

touching the ground and kicked like a

split over his head

and fucking caught

shane roller it

was one of the craziest kicks i’ve ever seen so i mean

who the fuck knows

maybe let a keto

grab your fucking hand and

twist it and dude flips a keto shit

does that have a chance

people are practicing if there’s people

maybe if you got a guy who is like a real good

wrestler with a real good base who really

understood a keto and

you let him grab a hold of you yeah i bet he

could do it it’s just not that high percentage

grabbing wrist and

twisting them

and flipping people by twisting

is that possible

why not man look if they can do it in a demonstration

if a body can physically move that way in the

right scenario with the

right dude who’s the

right amount of

skill and strength and he pulls it off in the

right dude who’s not suspecting it

and gets caught

and goes with it yeah it can happen anything can happen

do you think we’re

gonna see it in the next couple years

probably not

i think we’ll see some wing chung some fucking

chain fists

some i think

wing chung from the mount

could work like

some trapping hands from the mount

back this from the

mount we really

haven’t seen that because remember

in the mount

everybody punched the same way

back in the day

they punched

with hooks like just

this sloppy hook

wing chung actually makes

sense to practice from the

mount because it’s all that little

close hand fighting

and you can’t move and bob and

weave like you can in boxing you’re really kind of

stuck in a rigid position

while you’re jacking a guy

so it really probably is

maybe the art for it

if a guy was a really badass

wing chun guy

and he got awesome at

jiu jitsu and developed a sick mount

you probably that’s what i’m talking

about wing chung

from the mount

trapping hands for

the mount might work

what if you look

they were like lost records

and that’s what wing chung was for just people just

started doing it

standing it’s

never gonna work

standing if you

imagine we see some dude

mount somebody and just fucking

do one of these they’re

hammer fisting remember then the hammer fist came in

so people were

starting to hammer fist from the

mount no one

did that before

hammer fists to the jaws put people out left and

right all over the place

this jumping hammer fist on a guy that just got

knocked out

those are the deadliest ones

this is something that you tweeted me

about the other day

that i wanted to talk about

you watched that

brian gumble

thing on brain damage oh my god

whoa i didn’t realize how common

brain damage is

the crazy thing is you expect it

from football players because

getting a concussion in football is

totally normal

they you know like steve

young had like five or six concussions

you know troy

aikman they finally

go because they have too many fucking concussions

they go like mma

fighters do

quarterbacks like how many more times can this guy get

knocked out

and then they finally just can’t do it no more

you know and

when they get

knocked out too it’s like they got hit by a bus

yeah but now they just proven this is the

brian gobble thing

they just proved

you would think that you know there’s a lot of

these a lot of football players they end up

losing all their

they get end up

going through a slow paralysis and

it’s the slowest

death sentence ever

steve smith used

to be the running back for the raiders i remember him

he can’t move at all

he stares at a computer and

spells out words

it was amazing

you got a tivo it’s

bryant gumble’s real sports

they finally found

proof of why this is happening

cause every time you get

jacked in the

brain or get

knocked out

there’s some

toxic proteins that form

on your brain and if they leak into your spine

you’re fucked

it’s like lou gehrig’s disease it’s the same

thing i think it’s a a

ls or something like that yeah you

would tell us

you would tell me that lou gehrig

had so you’re

thinking like it

doesn’t make

sense lou gehrig played baseball

like he’s not playing football it’s the most gentle

sport ever but it turns out

that he had

he got knocked out brutally

six different times they reported it in newspapers

brutal concussions

where he got beamed by

fastballs slid into

second base and collided heads with the

other guy where he’s

knocked out for five minutes

they needed

smelling salts to wake him up

six different times

and he never took a day off

you know everyone talk

about they always talk

about his streak

the luke eric

streak where he played like

over 2 000 games straight so

he would come

back from the concussion always play the next game

he never took any time off

so that’s why he died of what he died

he had some protein toxin

stuff i could be

i don’t remember to why a

lot of people get it by the way who’ve

never had we

should just clarify people who’ve

never had impact like stephen

hawking’s stephen

hawking’s has lgbt

and obviously

nobody fucking beat the shit out of that dude

you never know

maybe as a kid he got

smacked around

maybe you dumb

motherfucker

you dumb motherfucker imagine that

smart guy world

you ain’t smart you

think you’re fucking smart

the fuck shut the fuck

up steven go to your room before i beat your ass with

those fucking science books

i will beat

your ass if you read another fucking physics book

he probably got his ass beat

knocked out steven

steve i don’t

think that probably happened

i’m just gonna

state my opinion

you think it did

brian yeah have you ever been

knocked unconscious

no never well

check this out soccer players

from the collisions with like 60 mile an hour balls

they’re hitting him with

their head all the time

soccer players go down left and

right from the shoot

they go through a slow process

with a certain death

there’s no way you can

yeah well what people

need to realize is it’s not even concussions it’s just

repeated blows to the head jarring blows to the head

and the crazy

thing is check

out this coincidence

and how common it really is

there’s this football player who had

the diseases

slowly dying

his best friend

was a boxer a

great white hope boxer that fought all the

greats larry

holmes george ford

joe i forget this guy’s name he had a mustache

famous white boxer that got

knocked out from canada

yes george of all

yes that guy

is best friends is football player

you know he

watched them he fucking

watched him go through the chimney

still not dead

but now he finally can’t move nothing slowly

no no he died

and as soon as he died

this motherfucker gets it

the boxer has it now

yeah he can walk slowly he’s

still walking and

he’s slowly

losing control

of his muscles

that’s crazy

you know they really

need to take that into consideration when it comes to

mma and boxers

mma fighters you know we don’t we

haven’t seen that happen yet we

haven’t seen

the one case of a guy getting really fucked up

but if if people keep

fighting it’s

gonna keep happening there’s no way to

avoid it in

boxing and boxing they get hit so hard in the head

it they just die on the way

after the fight

on the way to the hospital they don’t even go through

lou gehrig’s disease

they just die way

quicker well you actually know what i

mean it’s way worse

actually no they’re unrelated

it’s a different type of ailment when you

the problem with

these guys that are dying is

almost all of them are cutting weight

no but what i’m saying is i’m not saying it’s the same

thing i’m just saying it’s totally different but it’s

worse than the slow

death cause they just

whatever it is from cutting weight and all that shit

that means you die

over the fight no

some guys get the slow

death but the guys get the slow

death aren’t

it’s a different

sort of a damage joe

mcclellan yeah

mcclellan cut what

about that yeah

mcclellan cut

a nasty amount of weight

clown was like

famous for being like one of the biggest guys i

think he was

fighting one

seventy five

right one seventy five

and he was so he was a cronk guy there was this

fight with nigel ben yeah nigel ben he hit nigel

ben with everything but the

kitchen sink but nigel

ben wouldn’t go away

nigel ben there he’s an english

black guy with the

jerry curl remember that’s it

is jerry curls with his

dreadlocks what

no no he didn’t have

dreadlocks it may have just been the

sweat and it looked like a jerry curl

but it looked like he was

fighting with a jerry

didn’t mitch

blood green

fight with a

jerry curl i

think yes i

think he fought

tyson with jerry curls

those are old

school man remember with uh

they had to make that shitty

legal though

right jerry

curls getting in everyone’s eyes

well it’s greasy

isn’t it yeah oh yeah man

yeah that stuff is really nasty

hey eddie have you ever straighten your hair with like

conditioner or straightening

black person hair straightening shit

it’s craziness

i just blow

dried straight

i think it’s dreads bro

i need a yeah

he’s got like dreads

he’s just got like some

crazy natty hair

is that nigel ben yeah

he was a bad

motherfucker

yeah you’re

right it was

dreads he got

knocked down like

shit like he

twice in the

first round

the first round was a war

watch nigel band gerald

mcclellan watch that fucking that’s the the

fight that changed roy

jones style

a lot of people think roy

jones like saw that

fight was like fuck getting hurt

you know watch his

friend get all fucked up this is the guy who’s gonna

fight eventually that was like a

super fight that was being talked about

you know who do you

think had the best defense ever in boxing

pernow whitaker no hopkins

higher than pernelle

witteker yeah i

think hopkins has the best defense

but brunel whitaker

could stand in

front of guys yeah and he

could you know

he could keep from getting hit but

you know what

roll with guys but

he wasn’t doing that to a guy like hopkins

you know what i like

about what i like

about hopkins is hopkins

doesn’t take any

stupid chances

you know a lot of guys

think that certain

styles are boring

you know like

like some people you

know think that

you know like

like the john fitch

style like john

fitch wins ugly takes guys down beats them out

pounds on them

but sometimes it goes to decision

but i think that’s

still beautiful

that guy’s imposing his shit on that guy

and what i like

about a guy like hopkins

he shuts everybody else’s bullshit down

hardly ever gets hit

stands right in

front of you and if you’re like a feliz

trinidad that opens up too much on him he’ll

break you he’ll

break you to

knock you the fuck out

and if you tighten up like roy

jones okay you’ll get the decision

but that guy just beat you you

know and he does that to everybody i like john fitch

but i like him a lot more once he gets really good with

submissions

i’m gonna be a

giant look who’s

fighting though he’s

fighting monsters she fought

tiago alves

tiago is so fucking hard to finish he’s so big and

strong and powerful

you know just even hold that

motherfucker down it’s getting like near impossible

if he didn’t come in overweight and look so fucking

drawn out you know who not this guy’s a

beast man you know

the that fought

cost check that guy’s a fucking savage

you gotta strive

to be if you’re grappling and you wanna

maximize your ground fighting

skills strive

to be as good as

marcella garcia

it’s real simple

marcella garcia is

the greatest

no gi grappler

of all time

no one’s even fucking close

he’s a master of many

submissions

speaking of

which jacquere

is fighting tim kennedy tonight we’re

gonna watch that oh shit

right afterwards we get some

pizza jacquere

another motherfucker but

technically

even though jacquere

beat marcella garcia

he’s just my overall

marcella garcia has more

polished mastered weapons

so everyone

should strive

yeah but it’s pretty

close i agree

but jaqar is

still fucking incredible

jaqar right now

jaqar is awesome

definitely top five in the

world at submissions his heart is

crazy too here’s a guy who got his arm broken by

hydra gracie he

broke his arm and he finished the fucking

match and one arm points

he was willing to let his fucking arm get broken in a

jiu jitsu match

i mean what do they get paid for a

jiu jitsu match

you know nothing and this guy’s like go

ahead snap my arm

bitch free acai

for life free

acai with raw oatmeal

you get the mix

and the top guys get granola

too with that

oh that’s top

not everyone

they’re savages

competing in a fucking

one of the best

sports in the

world that nobody cares about

it’s one of the

weirdest things that people don’t care

about submission grappling you

would think that

boxing is pretty

popular i mean obviously hugely popular on its own

and it’s a segment of

mma why isn’t

submission grappling

why hasn’t someone figured out a way

to promote high

level submission grappling like

jacare like

marcella garcia

jake shields

those type of

dudes who just attack guys and finish them off

that shit’s

exciting well rico

chipperelli

was doing that the professional

submission league it looked great

and he needed

randy couture to

you know be the poster boy

and it would have worked with

randy couture because

randy couture

retired for a minute

and randy couture

said okay i’m retired but i’m gonna

still want to compete

and submission grappling is the way to go

and rico chipper

i was like man i’m

gonna make this guy headline

every show and he did a couple shows

he just needs

a headline you know what rico

rico if you’re

listening out there anybody that knows rico

get marcelo garcia to headline your shit

revolve it around

marcelo garcia yeah but that’s the difference is

randy couture

is huge with the general

population you can have

randy couture

grappling in

the general

populations

you could make it

successful with

marcella garcia you

could but he’s that big yes huge

no but he’s not with regular people

randy couture

successful with regular

human beings

definitely the initial

the initial blow

you know would be from the right

but that the problem is that’s what you need in

order to get something off the ground

you need a guy like that you can’t just

take chances and let people eventually grow to love i

think you run out of money

i think you

could do it

marcella garcia

you can’t you can’t do something you don’t

think so no you have to have something that people are

gonna look at all

these guys that are

fighting in bellator

they got killers in bellator

they got these

hector lumbars

fighting in bellator

crushing people

nobody’s paying attention no one’s talking

about it back

to lumbar if he was in the fucking

ufc would be

in sports illustrated

right now he’s a fucking cuban immigrant

who was fighting for the cuban

olympic judo

team i believe

fucking destroyer 5'9

185 pounds shredded

ridiculous muscles move so fucking fast

blasted jay

sylve out in like six

seconds he’s

crushing people dude

crushing people in bellator

nobody gives a fuck you know why

because it’s bellator and

nobody knows what it is you go

ask a million people on the

street what’s bellator

well he might be there for 10 years

and still people

might not know

where bellator

is and that will be the end of his competitive

prime that’s the problem

you can’t just

say like oh we’re

going to start this

thing and because we have

marcella garcia it’s

going to be huge

because no one’s

going to just fucking pay to see jiu jitsu

they’re not

going to do it if they’re not practicing

jiu jitsu so you’d be

limited to only practitioners

so you have

a tiny percentage of the

population is willing to buy your product on television

much less than we’re willing to buy an mma

fight because

mma you get

the fans you get people who actually

trained in it themselves and then you get all these

wahoos who want

to see people get the fuck beat out of them so

you get the

whole cross section

but if you get a guy like marcel

garcia you’re only

going to get people into jujutsu

initially you know how many stars were nothing one day

and they blow up the next day with them

right the reason the

ufc is huge

is they have the

money for the marketing

and they put faces out there if someone came

along with that kind of

money and that kind of power

marcela garcia

could be an

instant star overnight all

these guys were nothing one day

they’re stars the next day just because they were on tv

but all you got to be

example i’m talking

about guys getting

knocked the fuck

out of course

no one watches that

bellator was on

be on fox sports but if but if bellator

were gonna have grappling

you have to be on what espn to become successful

well is bellator

successful i

guess it’s on

if it’s unsuccessful well then i don’t know why not

you you started off this conversation with saying

submission grappling

should be fucking cute i’m saying

it’s really hard to make something popular

no no i know i say

bella tour success the hard the hard

part is numbers are enough to keep it on

television the hard part isn’t actually getting

the cage and putting the show on the hard part is

marketing like

exactly that’s what i’m

saying market

on having a

great product look at strike

force cantile

tours got a lot of

great fighters i’ve

watched bellator

and there’s some fun

fights to watch

but if you are they getting sued by the ufc

i probably shouldn’t be talking about them

never what i’m saying

did you know the

story you know the

story with ken bavia

that’s fucking strange dude

have yeah i don’t know

what really happened so we probably shouldn’t talk yeah

yeah exactly that

crazy fuck i

don’t know nothing i know nothing all i know is

the ufc fucking rules

yeah exactly you

have some rules and

but i’m looking forward to

strike for tonight

brian you gonna stay over i’m

gonna wrestle

you gonna get in your

underwear sup so

i think i’m

gonna see that movie

date night what

eat pray love my dick son

everything good i

can pick out

after this man yeah everything’s great

actually have you seen the

movie date night

about bill burr’s in

it are you are

you talking to me for real burr’s i seen the

movie date night yeah

i love bill

burr but that’s not

a cop in it i’ve done a lot of shit i’m not

proud of either phil

i don’t know

maybe it’s good

i like the comedy

i’m just kidding it’s just comedy date

night’s the one the

steve carell one

right it looks like it’d be

funny tina fey

i’m only fucking around i saw the

did we talk

about it the fucking

stallone movie

oh no no can you see

it oh yeah i saw it oh

what the fuck is

that i’m black

i’m blanking out my wild hauls

i’m trying to delete it off my hard

drive and look i love randy couture

okay i love

randy couture

and i think randy couture has a

definite possibility for

a giant career as an action star

to do to get out

a real life

plenty good

really plenty good to me i bought it

all i want to see is him beating the fuck out of people

he’s a real badass

he’s fucking

he’s clean and healthy

and fucking looks

great for his

age you guys a goddamn

movie star i

think for sure

randy couture

could be a giant

movie star for sure i

he’s beloved

after that guy retires

if he just decides to

giant fucking action moves what arnold

could act better

shit shit now

romantic comedies

maybe not anyway it

was it was i

think you can do romantic comedy

i love you chicks

wanna fuck him that’s all he needs to just needs to be

funny and how they

wanna fuck him he’s a fucking gladiator

right look at that ear

so the movie was

that said the

movie was wretched it

was disgusting was

it worse than the a team

this is what

i said i didn’t see the a team it was like you took

every cliche

in an acting movie

threw it together

you had a 12 year old

piece it together

and then you just

ground it up and

stuffed it up

stallone’s asshole with like one of

those pastry bags

he just diarrhea splattered onto the

screen i mean that was the

movie it was so dumb i

would never want to see that

again when he

actually blow up

shit tried to

lose more shit than anything

so vest just

alone actually

tried to steal the

script from one of my students

yeah tell that’s

one of the reason why i brought this up

tell this whole

whole story

by the way that

motherfucker

should not be

proud of that script

yeah what the fuck

no no he said

they changed

everything he

said they butchered

him changed i’m sure

they did i’m sure that they hammered ugly but you know

what tell the

whole sylvester

stallone put out his management team or whatever

allegedly yes

allegedly well

they went to

court this is what happened

okay they went to court

you say what

so you don’t get to allegedly just say

allegedly this is what your but

i’m helping you

so that’s just

alone put out an app

he’s looking for

an action thriller or whatever an action movie

sure you had a lot of guys come through his office

dave callaham

you look at the credits he’s

my purple belt

low pan is his nickname on the internet anyways he

writes scripts

he met with

sylvester stallone

they rejected the

script but then for some reason

he decided to

keep the script

and not give

dave callham

any credit and he was

shopping this you know he was

he was basically

going around town saying he’s got a

script he wrote the

script and he’s getting all

these stars make you work and all

these guys to do it and

so he seems like a big shot you know

and and then

dave callaham’s people

found out they took him to court

so russia’s long try to fucking

fight it and

they usually win

according to dave callaham

writers usually lose in

these kind of situations

and the evidence was so

clear that you know

they were in

court or one

in court and

you know yet if you look at the credits it says

original story by dave

callaham screenplay

dave callaham

sylvester did

he get money

from the film also

i’m sure i don’t know what his deal was but

basically sylvester

try to steal his

script you know what killed me when

i read all these people that loved it

yeah i read all

these people online that loved it

and i was like really

like you didn’t see like

everything coming like the

thing with arnold was kind of funny

it was kind of fun with

bruce wilson on what’s his problem

he wants to be president

that shit was

funny that was a

funny line it was good but that’s it

other than that it was like a

bunch of shit that you saw it coming a million

miles away you know

stallones never gonna die

this is ridiculous

when he went

back to save the girl you’re like what the fuck

you should have

saw scott pilgrim

and he went back to save the girl

and he didn’t even fuck her and that’s just un american

gonna go all

the way to another country and risk your life and your

friends lives and she loves you and she hugs on you

you don’t even fuck are you

leave her there on the island

that shit’s ridiculous

you just came back in a

plane with guns

and fucked up everyone in her town

risking your life

rescued her

while her father was murdered you don’t even fuck her

that’s ridiculous that was offensive to me

that was offense that offended me

what kind of a

movie are you making here you

should have fucked her like he

saved her life exactly

that’s fucking communism

man you fly into a country and you risk your life

for the hottest

chick on the planet and she

doesn’t even fuck you when it’s over

you just flew from another country

land in this shitty little island

and get shot at

you don’t even

fuck her and she wants to fuck you pretty sure

she got nothing to live for she got nothing

going on there

get a drunk that’d be a cool

thing to text to your

girlfriend right i’m

gonna fuck you tonight like i

saved your life

wow you could pretend

i tried i tried you

tres it out you

roll rope role play

yeah you ever do role playing

no no yeah i

don’t get that i’m the telephone repair man that that

kind of shit you got like

dress up and shit

some dudes do

it man they go out and buy outfits and shit

wife will wear something crazy

the pretender

shooting a cooking show in the

kitchen he just comes in

he’s crazy just rapes her in the

kitchen i remember when our one friend

that could be hot i

guess i remember one

friend or one friend

i don’t have a

threesome though

little hoboks friend yeah dude

you know to say that fuck

he used to come up to me go hey man

you should really try to put diapers on and get

slapped around a little and he was being serious

yeah we have this one friend that

he talked to me

about how hot it was to ball gag his chicken

whipper yeah he likes to whipper

i go how hard because i

leave marks

and he’s being serious i like

leaving marks and

stuff dude i’m a fan of that i like beating up like

the ass i like beating it all

up beating that

up really you

punch it what are you doing i don’t punch it i just the

the strongest

you probably mutant

fucking iron palm from the shower oh damn you

slap them that

hard in the ass the hard as hard as i can whoa

are you serious

girls like it

girls like it wow some girls

most most girls like it

most girls like that that is a strong

most okay let’s

clarify most girls who are willing to fuck you right

i see you can’t say most

girls i think

it’s natural

i think it’s natural that girls liked it

get you know fucked

rough no girls that

no girls that i fucked do

i’ve never had

i verbally i

verbally wait

they don’t like it really eddie has

eddie has his very specific type that he

dates exactly

he thinks that

that’s like a

generous section of the

population but it’s not oh no it’s not i’ve

tried i think so

no it’s like

it’s yours no i

don’t like it rough

okay some girls do some

girls i’m gonna say

do not i’m gonna say 75

of women like it

rough 75 of

women willing to fuck you yes

okay exactly

but that’s not 70

percent of all

women bro 5

that went to

five i’m just saying

that’s what i think but

the girls that are

attracted to you

there’s certain girls

who you’re their

ideal guy what are you saying

about the girls that are attracted to me i’m saying

those girls like to be

smacked around a little bit yeah

look it’s natural

look what are you there’s wild fucking

musician characters a

train killer

jiu jitsu expert

teaches people all around the

world what do you

think they want from you they want some

exotic crazy killer

dick they want you to do something nutty with them

they want to feel threatened those

bitches are nuts they want to be

stuffed in a corner

when we put a cradle and

force them to suck your dick and

so you’re saying

so you’re saying

a larger percentage of the

population likes it

think about

who the fuck you

want nice and

smooth who think

about who you are think

about who you like it’s all the girls i did like it

smooth i’ve tried

those are the girls you did

you guys are attacking look at

he’s pointing

listen no no no

i’m not attacking you at all i’m pumping you up look

what you are is a very specific type

i’m not attacking you in any way shape

or it’s quite the opposites

yeah but quite the opposite

i’m not attacking you at all what i’m saying is

those bitches want the genghis khan

treatment that’s why they’re coming they don’t

want it with me they’re not

there for the soft peck

guy who’s gonna

watch fucking cats

videos with them they make me scissor

hats i love cats too yeah

they make me scissor

them they’re like just

pull your dick up and scissor

me and i’m like

is that what you do

these scissor

assholes with them

they’re beautiful

they ever get

from they like i like to hold you from behind

no they get like

that i want to take you back they try to take you

away with the hooks

it’s more romantic

you can defend yourself

against a blue belt girl a what

a blue belt girl

if a girl was a blue belt he’s

not sure like like

you see rule

one rules are

ufc jujutsu

no just just jujutsu

she’s just trying to

she’s not even

gonna hit you she’s

gonna try i

think anyone

could jiu jitsu i don’t

i think if you know a little bit

jiu jitsu you’re

gonna be able to

fight somebody that’s a girl

jiu jitsu girl or

boy it depends

on some badass bitches yeah

listen blue

ladies out there

we are willing to give you 20

if you will

engage in a jiu jitsu

submissioning

grappling match at 10th planet jujitsu that

would be all hollywood

against brian this

video no you have to

be this is what you have to do

you have to be a blue

belt with less than two years of

training and

under 120 pounds

no you wanna do it

brian yeah no

there’s no reason to do

that i’ll give you

some lessons

no there’s no reason i’ll give

you some lessons

it’s not brian’s

i’ll give you lessons it’s not

brian’s i’ll play the

ufc video game

against a girl well if you want

look if it was

mma i’m sure you’d beat the shit

out of her because all you’d have to do is punch her

right the real

thing is like but you just

remember when we did that thing with

see more butts

and felicia

remember that

at the old legends yes

oh yes the reality

show felicia

oh who is one of john jacques machado’s

black belts

is a friend of ours and she’s a really really cool

chick and she’s a killer

she’s like 135

pounds she’s

strong as fuck

she’s like oh the kettlebells yeah

she’s crazy

crossfit girl and a serious jiu jitsu

black belt like she will fuck you up she’s the legit

and seymour butts was filming a reality show and

seymour butts is this porno star

he came to he came to the bomb squad and

we had him roll with a girl well

no he came up

he got a hold of me

cause he wanted

you know for the

for the show

i’m gonna go

learn jiu jitsu

for the show

and i’mma go

against the girl or something like that and

they film the reality show at the bomb

squad yes they came down to one of my

classes that’s

where the original ten planet was located in the bomb

squad so we filmed it he

he didn’t want to roll with us

right or he did well he

did he did not know what was

gonna happen what happened is he didn’t use any of it

he didn’t use any of him rolling with her in the

actual show he only came down a couple times you can’t

learn jiu jitsu in a couple

no but he didn’t

i thought the idea was that he was

gonna get humiliated by the girl and that was

gonna be fun but i don’t remember seeing any of that

did they put it on they never

heard it they

never heard it

never she killed she

crushed him

she just strangled him choked him armbarred him she did

everything to him but if there was no

lot rules then he

would have won

no not necessarily

no felicia really no

maybe with a blue belt girl no felicia is a

black belt dude you’re not

gonna be able to do the

odds are in her

favor anything

could happen yeah a big man

can like yeah you

might be in

the future you

know kicker yeah anything can happen you’re right but

the odds are she

put money you put

money on the

black belt check

if you don’t know how to

fight it’s one

thing if you’re a

fighter girls

black belt girls

go through guys that are really good at jiu jitsu

yeah it’s crazy to

watch like blue belts and

stuff a black belt chick

can run through a guy that’s been

trained two or

three years

easily it’s crazy to

watch those

really high end girls like attack dudes

like kira gracie

i hear crazy stories

just like embarrasses

guys all the time

for sure for sure she’s a fucking savage

she’s awesome and she’s hot as fuck

how ridiculous is that

hot as fuck and a

train killer and a gracie

whose kid is that is that hixon’s kid no

it’s henzo’s sisters

daughter henzo

sister henzo

sister flavia is like a

famous actress in brazil uh huh

she had akira

kira the father was

never around and kira

just kept the gracie name her mom’s

she’s a gracie her mom’s a

legit gracie you know her mom’s

super hot too man

when i went to brazil in in 2000

for the moondials is a purple belt

jean jacques

and henzo were

actually trying to hook me up with flavia kira’s mom

oh my god when i was 30

oh my god and kira was 14 at the time what kira was and

ever together we’re all hanging out yeah you shouldn’t

talk about this on

put a hit out on you

you fucking kissing and

telling to the whole why didn’t you

spank that that was out ten years ago spank

nothing ever happened you know what

we she couldn’t

speak english i didn’t

speak portuguese

are the the

attraction lasted for five minutes and then that was it

i think it’s really cool when you go to those

world jujutsu championships and even abu dhabi the

level that the chicks are fighting at the jujutsu

level is really really high

that’s so fun to

watch man chicks become like really dangerous killers

cause jiu jitsu is one of the

things it takes some strength to do

but it really takes technique and practice

and you know a girl can get to the

point where she could fucking kill a man

where she can dominate a man

doesn’t take that much doesn’t take that much

especially when you think about your legs

a girl has legs that are willing to

carry around her 130

pound body all day long

empty pussy

you know cyborg

doesn’t cyborg

doesn’t count

that doesn’t

count so but like shayna baszler i mean she does

count but she’s you know obviously

she’s a broad end of the spectrum

if you had a guess what would you say that’s all about

what cyborg

she doesn’t

you know she she

does everything she can

everything she can

enhance yes her strength yeah

or she’s just unusually very

strong genetically that’s possible to

pride is an awesome

pussy boner you know what’s gonna take to beat her some

crazy samoan chick

another chick that

has another chick that

does the same

things that she does in training some

fucking big german

bitch with big

broad shoulders and shit

you know someone someone from a hardy viking fucking

bloodline something

strong how crazy is

it that a badass

fighter like

uh what the fuck is her name

gina carano

hot and can fuck you hey how

about that’s a rare combination

cause usually the girls that can fuck you up are ugly

yeah it’s never hot

chicks that

could fuck him

except kira yeah

she’s like the only one

that can fuck up a lot of dudes in a

street fight a

standing brawl

street fight

she’ll kick off her pumps and fuck you up leg kick you

punch you in the face you don’t know how

embarrassing with that fucking beat

to get your ass kicked in

front of all

your friends at a club

by some hot chao

by a hot chick

she’ll fucking

ko you too she

could easily

ko a dude hey how

about this man why is it that there’s not that many

black chicks in

mma how many

black chicks are there in mma

every time i

watch strike

force it’s either

cyborg or there’s some

white chicks it’s i mean you don’t see that many it’s

gonna take a

black chick

to beat cyborg

they can for some

for sure classes

that might be it

i mean obviously this

black chicks can afford it but the ones who can

they want to fight

right you know it’s like its it hasn’t

permeated into the ghettos the way it has in

other cultures

in other countries you know in brazil and other

is permeated into

the the lower end people look at it as a way to like

you know and also

you know even

the people who

are educated and like damien maya comes from a wealthy

background he comes

but just the sheer

desire and drive to

fight for him you know so

it became exciting and interesting to him

it’s not necessarily with

chicks it takes a very special

chick to want to go in there and

throw down right now

at the level

the sport is for

women’s mma

right now it’s

so tiny there’s so few girls that are doing it

that like venus and serena

could jump into

mma and fuck

chicks up right away

within a year

venus or serena the biggest one can

fight cyborg

right within a year

did you just

all that bitch they

would fuck up chicks

they’ve been

trained for six years her

legs are like football like male football player legs

make it happen

could you imagine her leg kicking you

just digging in

you know boss root and

style big in that fucking chin in hatash

imagine what kind of damage she

could do the amount of

distance she

could cover so

quickly they

could easily get

tennis they

could easily get

bored of fucking

tennis and do some mma

well you know what they

could do it

could enhance

their training

for tennis it

could make them more explosive

if they decided to get into mma

just into muay thai and shit

just to enhance

their tennis

it would definitely enhance

their movement and then they fall in love with it

that’s the hope

get them into some

mma for training

and then have

them fall in love with it and then someone offers a big

money fight

can you imagine

their knees

their knees

would be like

fucking insane

your grip on that

tennis racket must be

death right

booty juice

grab that shit over the back of your neck and need you

that’s all they would need

if i was gonna

train lego let’s just

start with the knees get really good at the tide clench

get really good

at that and it will expand from there yeah

would you say the

booty clench

booty juice yeah man

can you imagine

the double legs of it

after a year

giant asses

from all that jumping

their double legs

would be like gsp

jesus fucking christ

pick up bitches in

the cage chicks

they would probably be the

greatest mma

imagine if they fought together like

minotaro and his brother do yeah

they would be insane

they would be the

crushers they

would have to eventually fight each

other that’d be the only way

there’s gotta

be some black

chicks out there fine

there’s gotta be there are

definitely are

definitely seen

black chicks

fighting mma

i just haven’t

seen the percentage is much lower than

than girls for some reason

within a white girls rather for some reason

it seems like more

white girls are

doing a lot of spanish girls doing a lot of japanese

chicks japanese very popular right

there’s some badass

japanese chicks magumi fuji

that bitch is bad chung

lee she’s bet what you just making people up

brian you never know what the fuck you’re talking

about chung lee

zolia fosto isn’t she

fighting tonight too

i don’t know

strike force

i don’t know

we could find out real

quick dan is

gonna get mad at

us for pumping up

strike force

so brian what goes through your mind when we’re talking

about all this

you know i always get

something every year i

start liking like i just recently

started liking

iced tea but i

haven’t got to the

grapefruit part

and i just wonder if that’s something that happens

later in life when you

start liking

grapefruits

what cause who fucking likes my dad likes to eat

grapefruits do you like to eat

grapefruits

well i love

grapefruits i

think they’re delicious

did you get a good one i

think did all

your life you like

grapefruits or did it come later

no i kind of like them when i was

young i used to

drink a lot of

grapefruit juice

i heard it was

even higher in vitamin c than orange

juice that might be not true

yeah bobby lashley’s fighting

who’d you say who’d you ask was fighting

zolia frasto

maybe she’s not

fighting i thought you

know i don’t see that i don’t see any girls in the car

andre gal val was supposed to be

fighting makako but makako didn’t show up

who’s gonna

fight him um

oh

andre galbal

damn an awesome thing i love andre caco

and makako is

banister jitsu

that’s a legend man yeah i wonder what happened

is the fight not on at all i

believe it’s not on it’s on the

undercard anyway and there’s no way to see the

undercard which sucks because some of these

songs sing about the ufc too

you could watch them online

after the event is over but there should be a way

that you could just tune in to just the

whole undercard

from the moment the first fight

starts first

fight at four

o’clock in the afternoon show me that shit

why are you saving that they don’t have that like

on a certain channel they have

it on ufc com

which i love the fact that you can always get any

fight you want on

ufc com that’s the shit but

me as a fan

if i find out that the

first fight of the

night is fuckin

two guys that i know i know

their name they’re

not like mainstream guys but i know they’re both badass

like hazlit and rick

story here’s a perfect example

that one aired

right did that air

i don’t remember

okay but if it didn’t

air imagine if that

fight was on the

undercard and it wasn’t airing

i would want to fucking see that

fight man what when it’s happening

i don’t want to go on the

underground and find the results out

after it and i can’t see the

video and they just

like on espn 3d if it’s being filmed in 3d

whoever i don’t know it’s but that’s a good idea

i mean i guess

this this must be a method to

their madness but the reality is man you

could just overdose on

mma if they wanted to show you

everything you

know the people

the people that are putting this together like the

people that are making

these decisions don’t

realize how important all these

fights are to the fans the hardcore fans we want

to see all of them it’s not like box it makes me sick

when i look at this card like this card is

nasty like i’m looking at the card there’s

great fights on the card i’m looking forward to it

then when i look down and i see i know it didn’t happen

but i look down i see galvald

versus fucking makako

i go oh shit that’s a badass fight

venetius magales

dracalin o versus

rocky long i want to see that fight how

come i can’t see it

you know the

crazy thing in makako

most people you know

newbies don’t

understand that

that were mma

soccer where

mma was at that’s

right where

mma was at back in the late nineties

in that the dark area

the dark period

mikako and pale landy

they were considered like

the shit the shit

waits out there they were insane they

knocked out matt

hughes in kuwait remember that you know another legend

valid is my

can i show yes can i show everybody the shirt

what do i do how do i show people the back of the

shirt turn around is a

if you just turn around

i look seated there’s

about this is dude

named waleed

ishmael who is a

legend carlson

grab when i was

training at carlson gracie’s

place way back

in ninety eight that’s when i

first met him when i

started working for the old ufc

he fought takahashi at that

ufc and like

ufc 12 and dolton alabama and

this dude is just one of the all time characters badass

jiu jitsu guy

choked hoist gracie

unconscious

but he’s famous for his

terrible english

he had a feud with high

end gracie this high

end his cock

his faggot his cock

i kill him his cock his faggot

that’s all he would

talk faggot

time gracie

you know i’m saying he’s not a real man

i got to the beach

i just walk with me and my

girlfriend go to beach

i see that cock

that faggot

standing there we need to find this

brian see if you can find this

waleed ismile

it’s no w w

a it’s waleed but it’s

spelled with a w w a l l i d

is hmao is is

i got is is

may i yeah and go on youtube and find like a

famous interview

is like hi gracie while he does mile high end why

you lying gracie

ry and gracie

you gotta listen to this guy talk

cause he’s goddamn hilarious

anyway he’s one of the coolest guys of all time and

a badass jiu jitsu guy

and he’s famous

to you and you

can say whatever you want when i mentioned it

i am gracie

is that cheeky

everybody know i beat him

one minute and a half

no i don’t know

don’t want to talk

about this chicken

you see those guys weak i told you

i told you to everybody well

remember the last time i come here

i say hey this guy is nothing

is a weak you know

everything i say

request everything i say before the fight

happen the fight

i just want everybody remind

everybody remember

everything i say before the

fight happened the fight

you know what i mean

you see i i told everybody

where to fight

i’ve been so hard

i show to everybody

now i can i

feel much better to the rest time much better

because i train

hard you know i’m not go to

party i don’t

no my friends call

me what can

i do i go to train

i just said this

oh let’s go to

no i go train

i’m worried

i need to train in bubble

instead have god

have a good talent

i know i have a heart

no i have a

heart to fight

there’s no doubt

about you see

maybe a lot of guys talk a lot of

no bullshit

serious like this guy hickson

grace hickson

inside the home not to go show up you know what i mean

you know i’m fight all the time

understand i’m fight

no i’m ready to fight

i’m not staying inside my home

because he wait you make mistakes

yeah he talked about she’s crazy i know i’m here

i understand this one guy asking me who guy you wanna

fight this guy up with the fight because imagine a bit

far grace’s i beat

hi and grace hikazi

i beat half grace

his guy his cousin

i beat his grace his cousin

i beat hoist

grace his brother

what are you gonna do nothing

come on man show up

damn he’s talking shit the hixon

whoa over to god whoa

that was a different video actually that was

that one before he talked he went after hixon and now

you talk shit about hixon i can’t believe that

for people who don’t know

hix and gracie

is like he’s like the god of jujitsu if you name

one guy that everybody says is just head and shoulders

above everybody else it’s hixon

no it’s hard to see man

hold on there

it says what it says is

don’t be coward

don’t run off the

fight that’s a one

lead ishmael

t shirt it’s on we got it

don’t be coward don’t run off the fight

then he had that printed

yeah like you sure you want to

spell it this is my friend for you

say don’t be coward

sir but it says don’t be coward

are you understand i know

don’t be a coward no don’t be coward not at a

okay i’m gonna have to have you initial this really

quick for me just put your initials right here

and right there and right there i’m not scared

you wanna take a look at it one more time

one more time

it’s perfect for him he probably

looks at it and goes that’s exactly what i wanna say

don’t be coward

don’t run off the fight

that’s fucking awesome it’s

brilliant i would

never i had one

and i lost it

and i’m so sad that i lost it now does he go home

and just be like

hey han how’s it

going i’m home he’s a

super cool guy

like is that

cool no no no

no no no it’s like a character cause the

camera comes on

he’s playing the camera camera

sort of like chao sun

in he’s the brazilian

chao sun and he’s talking shit in cellophytes

but he’s also talking shit because he’s a bad

motherfucker

this guy show

that he’s really gracie

completely unconscious yeah

caught hoist

gracie in a clock

choke in a jujutsu

match and put him to

sleep this is

after hoist became huge hoist was

giant because of the ufc

and he did this on the

beach in brazil in

front of everybody remember that

exactly and he’s

super nice every

time i run into him backstage at the

ufc and it happens a lot

generous friendly hugs

super super

happy guy i mean

he’s a jiu jitsu

legend for sure there’s

a handful of legends in

jiu jitsu but

waleed ishmael is

definitely a legend

just the fact that he choked out hoist

gracie like that and you know what as a

brown belt he went

against our master

john jacques machado

and he lost but it was a

close match and john jacques was a black belt

everybody was scared of john jacques at that

point no one wanted to step up as a

brown belt stepped up he lost but damn it was a battle

it wasn’t easy

his jujutsu is very

strong he’s just a bull

the bull of a man and he will

not give up and he gets cuts through dudes man he’s

strong as fuck

and one of the nicest guys ever we had a

great picture

it’s still on myspace page

my myspace page is like

it’s like an abandoned playground

but if you go into my

photos is one of us with waleed

who were all

screaming jiu jitsu

yeah it’s on my

myspace too

i got it up there it’s a classic

myspace com

the twister yeah

and if you want to find

eddie that’s

where it’s at damn this show’s been

going on for

an hour two

hours and 20 minutes

by the way joe you

gotta check out pet semon terry

no i don’t yes how

dare you i don’t

wanna know about that

funny or die no it’s not

funny or die you know i’ve been

reading i’m fucking hooked on

stephen king’s son

stephen king’s son is

named joe hill

and he’s a hard writer as well

really fucking good i’m reading this book called the

heart shaped box

somebody put it on the message board

they put that

his son’s a writer

so i said fuck it i’ll buy it on the ipad

i got the kindle

thing on the ipad

a fucking great book man just

like his dad it’s like he inherited

his dad’s brain

i mean it’s fucking

good dude i’m halfway into this book it’s a total

page maybe he

wrote it for his son you

would love it it’s

about a fucking rock star who

is like a goth dude who’s like into all kinds of creepy

weird shit like he’s got like

a head from

a guy who had been tortured and he puts fucking

like pens in the in the

skull sounds like

marilyn manson

exactly that kind of it’s just a

crazy old goth dude

and he buys

a ghost online

someone selling a dead man suit

and this woman is selling it saying that there’s a

ghost that comes

along with it

this guy thinks for a goof he’s

gonna buy this fucking suit and it’s

gonna be kinda cool

but the dead man actually does

haunt them dude

it’s fun man it’s a fucking

page turner it’s a good goddamn well written book

fucking something

about books man

you can get so deep into a

story with a book

that you just can’t get in a

movie i want to see

everything i love

movies i love the fact that it’s like a two hour ordeal

and it’s over

and i’m out of there like that was pretty cool they

wrapped it up nice

but there’s something fucking killer

about books man

i didn’t appreciate that for a long time

for a long time i didn’t

appreciate just

the flat imagination of sitting there reading text

but there’s something cool in that i like

how you build your own characters in your head see

that this person has a certain look to you

in your head that

is your own unique way of

thinking about what this

person looks like yeah and they can make some really

exciting shit that’s just

completely unrealistic for a regular

movie you don’t have to

have giant fucking special

effects budgets and have to be

crazy off the charts

but they’re just describing it with

their words and

creating this incredible picture

in your own head

you know what am i saying reading is good reading is

fundamental

ladies and gentlemen

this show like all shows bitches

brought to you by the

flashlight holla back

if you buy it online on joe rogan

net i believe you get fifteen percent off and

one of the reasons two reasons why we have to

sponsor our podcast one is because

we met with chris

the one of the guys who

runs that we’re gonna

hang out with

in austin we’re

gonna hang out with him in austin

texas when we go there for the ufc

just a super cool

chill dude and it just seemed like

and the other

thing was that i

think it’s a for real

legit good product i use it and

it’s way better than just beating off

and because i

think it’s ridiculous that people think that

there’s something

taboo about it i

think that’s silly

you know i don’t know what it is but there’s something

that i think is

absolutely ridiculous that people

think there’s something

silly about

pursuing pleasure

and we can you use it in the shower

fuck yes totally i

think that’s the

best spot we

should really talk to chris though

about getting a

flashlight owl version of it

could be your own personal

flashlight i always

yeah i was talking

about this book

and this is the book that i talked

about with dane cook and i’ve talked

about it with

other people before

i’ve given this book to a

bunch of my friends i give it to you brent

it’s called the war of art i want to give

it to you i want you to read this shit have you ever

given this book

for creative people it’s one of the best books

and i’m not getting

paid for this this is just my own recommendation

it’s a fucking fantastic book if you’re an artist

if you’re a comedian

if you’re ari and i were just having a conversation

about this today because ari took a

one of those

adderalls he took an adderall

which is why he can’t be here

today because he’s

cleaning up his house

that’s awesome really

yeah yeah ari’s been on a positive kick lately man

we’ve been having

some really cool conversations we had a really cool one

today we was talking

about like burring

like past enemies

like letting old grudges go and he’s trying to be

like more healthy with his mind

and we talked about

how you know it takes like

he is on this adderall

he takes an adderall now he wants to fucking

clean his house up he wants

a lot of material

and he was like it’s so

crazy that if you worked as an accountant

you would want

while you’re at work you

would want to

sneak away and

write jokes you

know but when

you’re not when you’re a comedian you don’t ever sit in

front of the fucking computer and actually

write jokes

it’s like you find a way to fuck off and not do it and

it’s all explained

by this book this book is a fascinating

look into the

psychology of

creativity not just

about writing

but i think it applies to any kind of art any kind of

thing where you’re supposed

to be dedicating a certain amount of time to thinking

about things

it’s fucking fantastic so i bought a

stack of them cause

i wanted to give dane cook one when he was here

and i couldn’t find it so i just bought a new

stack so just

google that shit buy it online i’m telling you it’s a

quick easy read

something like a hundred pages or some shit

it’s not much to it yeah a hundred and sixty

three pages

it’s not that

much and you know you can get a lot out of it just

from a couple of chapters you know you have to read the

whole thing just

listen to what that fucking guy says and just try it

just force yourself to create

there’s a lot of shit

going on that you

distract yourself with that’s not really that necessary

that’s my message for the day

thank you very much that’s my positive message

brian do you have anything to say before we

wrap this up

no check out my video though pets inventory

is it did you make this video yeah

oh okay it’s only a minute long that’s funny or die

one guy one cup sort of a

got in trouble with it already you got in trouble

already getting in trouble

please spell this video out for our friends pet p e t

and then the next word is symmetry but siemen

s e m e n t a r y

siemenary siemenary hmm

and what is it about

uh two young guys finding love

really yeah it’s funny yeah i’m

gonna watch it right now how long is it

put on your computer

how long is it one

minute long one minute long yeah okay we’re

gonna watch this then we’re gonna

we’re gonna give you our thoughts

about this and that’s how we’re gonna end the show

ladies and gentlemen this is on youtube

it’s funny or die

funny or die i can’t i’m not putting on youtube

cause it look good

fucked up what will happen you’ll see

is this illegal am i doing something

no no it’s not illegal at all

but it’s edited to look illegal

let’s type in pet semen terry

pet semen terry here it is we’re gonna watch it

but i can’t turn my volume on all right i can’t talk

while this is going that’s what’s going on

don’t watch it in close

okay what we’re watching

is brian and his friend ari and they’re fucking animals

oh my god

what the fuck is

wrong with you guys

oh my god you should be in jail

you should be in jail for that

alright you gotta see that

ladies and gentlemen that was just

i don’t want you to see this

okay i don’t want you to

watch it because i know you’ll feel less

about brian and i know you feel

you’ll think less about ari

explain that for me why is it pet semen

terry because they were fucking animals and

shooting semen inside of them did you watch the video

semen but it’s like cemetery

oh my god this is strange

you don’t know what we’re talking

about they played that live in

front of the last naughty show do they really

how do people react

people just

went crazy i guess they cheered

oh that people are in disgust

cheering laughing it was just it’s pretty raw

and it’s pretty funny though

tmz was there too it’s really what a tmz have to say

about you didn’t say anything that should have been

naked you almost you’re almost there

did you guys think

about being naked and i should have just done it

no aria actually took it too far like

i just wanted to fuck your cat for real yeah

he went to the bathroom with both the cat and the dog

afterwards and he said

he was just like giving him love and petting him both

shut up brian

i know when you’re making

things up you

can’t trick me

did you pull your dicks

out for real ever now i know i already did put this

is all legal

he pulled down his

pants but he

had box but you

could have hid

you could have hid

your cock with the dog

you know your cock

right it’s all

about anything

that’s eddie’s

lawyer he’s

gonna give you

advice this is how you get away with this it’s all

about editing you’re

going to make sure you hide your cock with the dog

if you saw the raw

video of it it’s

just us like give us love oh yeah love but we’re like

rocking while we’re doing it

when you’re making out with the cat and you got your

mouth over her

face actually was on the side of his

mouth and i was just

feel like you’re doing something wrong not that

we’re just giving him love

just giving him a little loving

that’s almost bestiality

it’s totally bestiality it’s

showtime bestiality

showtime bestiality

i was dating a girl once it was in one of those movies

i dated her and you know we broke we only

dated for a short period of time and then i saw her

on this movie like many many many many many years later

she was on one of those fucking

crazy late night porn

slash movies

where she was getting banged

some dude was

banging her in a bed but the position was all off

you know like

her dick his dick was like way down here i was like

his dick ain’t hitting that

pussy yeah close

but i was like look at this

dirty bitch

what a weird

job those chicks that only do that kind of porn

yeah that’s all they do

it’s like you know it’s just

terrible acting it

never goes inside it

never goes inside

she doesn’t let you go no

penetration

sorry see your pussy

and it’s totally cool dudes just like

grabbing his

taped balls i

think they taped

their dick to the side

i wonder what

dudes get hard

a buddy of mine did one of those

he had to do a

scene like that with the

chick and she goes you can fuck me if you want to

and he was like oh how many times have you said that

that’s all i can think of

you actually

can have sex in

those movies oh

yeah people do it all the time

apparently if you see there was that movie

what was the

there was nine and a half weeks with

mickey rourke and then there was

the sequel velvet violet some

wild orchid

no that’s it wow

very strong

very strong anyway

apparently mickey rourke

and his girlfriend were in that

movie mickey rourke

really fucked his

girlfriend in that

yeah everybody saw it

said but does that how

that happens

it probably

doesn’t happen

too much i know

you don’t notice

very often at all i

think mickey rourke was just

completely out of control then

he was boxing he had his fucking face implanted he was

going crazy remember

remember when he had

cheekbones put in

i can still i

think you’ve

got him removed yeah for sure

he doesn’t look

the same anymore if you go and look at there was

there was a period of time a dark period for

mickey rork he was in this tupac

movie and he was on steroids

it was gigantic

just jacked like a fucking professional bodybuilder

and he was playing like some

street fighter boxing character that was like

the the the bottom

you know he like

completely bottomed out and then came

back and i was in like iron man 2 and shit and he’s in

you know giant

blockbuster

movies and shit he’s like doing awesome

but for a long time he was like off the deep end

crazy after

he was a huge

huge two star huge a list

then went like kiss when kiss he went into

boxing at the end of kiss

where there were a joke

he became a joke

nobody wanted to work with them

and then apparently

robert rodriguez said like

you know i quit tarantino and

those dudes

they like to

bring in like

yeah weird characters john

travolta he

resurrected john travolta

yeah same thing john

travolta was kind of a joke make

you work is a badass actor he’s a bad

motherfucker

fuck yeah yeah we’ve been in this fucking the stevens

the stevens go

on still on

movie which is a

silly movie

even in that

movie mickey rourke

stole the scenes when he was in the

scenes he’s so real

i mean he’s such a

you know there’s

some dudes who are just so good at that acting thing

and he’s one of them

he’s a bad motherfucker at it

but he quit

in the middle of being a

giant movie star to become a boxer

he couldn’t get any parts

was that what it was

i think i think didn’t the

story is who knows if it’s true but the

story is he got

blackballed because

robert de niro

angel heart

they had like such a feud or whatever

that robert de niro

said this is a

story could be all

rumors that

robert de niro said like

basically if

whatever movie company he was signed with

if you work with that dude

again i’m not

gonna work with you so people

what that’s the

story you don’t

have a story like that you

gotta research that shit on the internet

have you heard the

story that’s like the rod stewart

stomach pun

we have to find this out

before we’re

gonna end the show

but before we

end the show we must find out this is true

otherwise we’re

spreading some

crazy rumor

i said about why

you work for i didn’t make that up i know

but let’s find out what the actual it’s like the gerbil

with which gear there’s no i know there is a real

rumor i’m sure somebody actually told it to you

but what is it just someone in the high school

mickey rourke

robert de niro

black ball black ball yeah that’s good

black ball from hollywood

i don’t believe this

what say ye twitter i will let you people answer

cause i know there’s some fucking movie buffs out there

i’m following you

i’m following the twitter feed

right now someone please tell me

if this is true or if this is horseshit

was mickey rourke

really black ball from hollywood ready

it’s not coming up with anything on google i wish

nobody gives a fuck

about this show dude no one’s paying attention

i’m asking for help

of getting nothing

let’s try everyone’s out

yeah maybe the show

ended a long time ago maybe we don’t realize it

but my wifi he’s shitty all week

east guys are ones going out to the bars per right now

to watch strike force

yeah so what’s happening prime it is

strike for starts in a half an hour oh shit

boom boom boom yeah nothing so i’m not seeing shit

no one has an answer for me all right you fucks

that’s how you guys want to do it all right

no one’s helping me man

how many people were watching the show brian

it was 900 last i looked that’s as good as we ever

gotta do ladies and gentlemen

and on that note

anything else to say

what do you got there nothing

joey diaz is

i was just gonna have some indie music for you

what is it is it gay no sounding gay let’s hear it

michael jackson

i was just talking with a

woman today

who says that

she believes that michael jackson was castrated

i believe it

she says there’s no way a man kissing like that

she was like a

woman who would know this kind of thing

like someone who’s very wise and in the business

what she believes he

was castrate

what a great excuse for someone who wants to be a

transsexual

yeah did i cut

my dick off no i’m not gay well do you know that

there’s a thing my

voice called the castrados there’s a type of singing

in in italy like

opera singing

where they castrate the boys and sell them

into like an indentured servitude to work as a castrado

that’s like a real

thing they they

i don’t know the entire details of it

but they take out your testicles

so you can reach higher

higher notes

this is a certain

sound that they have

hit that again

billie jean yeah

i mean just stop and

think about you’re just out there

surfing you fuck i was looking for a different song

this that’s a good one

okay there we go don’t you

think it’s a good one

think about this

if someone told you hey

this is my favorite man

i love how he sings

think about this think about michael jackson

think about this listen to this

think about if you

never knew michael

jackson ever you were raised in a fucking island

and then you come to la

and you hear

about this fucking

singer think

about you’d be

tripping the fuck

who is this

crypt is always a

marilyn manson type pop guy yeah like

marilyn manson they go no no

no he’s not

marilyn manson he’s

good in the bathroom

dude he went through

he went from

black to white in

front of the

whole world on

album covers

the biggest

albums in rock history or

music history he did it

you just put the

album covers the catherine yeah but

that’s that’s a disease that’s he’s got vitiligo

but what the really

crazy thing is he turned himself into a

freak in front of the

world yeah cut his face up

changed his chin he was the biggest

music star ever

bigger than

elvis bigger than

the beatles michael jackson’s number one with a bullet

no one’s been more talented

no one’s been more striking

and the guy became a

freak in front of the

world and he had an excuse

he became a

white guy i

mean look at the nose look at the hair look at the

color of the skin

i know a black girl who has

the same skin

disease she has

she has dark

brown makeup

she has dark

he did a bunch of

crazy shit too

i mean he did

a lot of shit to his face

he would never

admit it he said he only had like his nose

fixed cause it

so he could breathe better

yeah hit like a gang of shit and when he was on barbara

walters barbara

walters was

checking him on

michael what

do you look at what do you see when you look in the

mirror he goes

i don’t look in mirrors

oh my god he

said he don’t look in the mirror

but he was so fucking talented

that it wasn’t enough to

creep people out

people still wanted to hear this guy sing and

watch him dance

nobody ever

you can get away with a lot of shit if you

write good music

look at like

queen look at elton

john you can get away with a lot people would

you get away just being gay

now like a lot of singers are coming out and saying the

game no one cares like fuck that song is awesome yeah

no if michael

jackson came

out before he died and said he was gay some

people will but most people don’t need them most

people won’t yeah

but you know what had never

moved like michael jackson like remember when we

watched that

james brown

video with joey

james brown was

totally on another

place and another

dimension and another

but his was a very

masculine way

you know his was

oh you know there was some

there was sex and masculinity to it

this was like

feminine and beautiful and the way he moved was like so

like so pure like his movements were so fucking

crisp and he would hit him bang like

when you pull his

pants up and go up on the tip of his toes

and be like god damn damn

when he would moonwalk

and when he would moonwalk

he would just

glide so gracefully

i admit it though i had

never been a fan of michael jackson’s music

i’ve listened

all the songs a million times it’s not gonna

grow on me i’ve listened to this song a million times

never been a fan i went to go see that michael jackson

movie this is it

to make fun of it just to

be like i thought it was

gonna be just a

freak show man

i am a fan now of that

motherfucker’s

creativity the way

he commanded that

whole show all

these producers that

they’re just bowing down to him

everywhere he walked

he had command of

everything and

he’s an amazing performer i went in there to

laugh at him

i came out a big fan

still won’t buy any of his cds

it’s just not my vibe that

movie but god

damn he’s awesome

starting something

what is that song you want to be

starting something

which one is that

you want to be

starting something i

think i have that

i think the end of

the end of thriller the end of it he

breaks into this groove live

that’s fucking amazing that i

would take i

would fucking i mean that shit is just

amazing and he played it live i

never heard it before

i don’t think i’ve ever gotten to that

total end of thriller but

i was impressed

i became a fan as a performer he really took

things to like a

crazy place

where you were so confident that he was

absolutely in control of

every move that he made

there was like it was jaw

dropping to watch

it was like the way he

would move was so fucking he

choreographed all his shit

his dancing he

would make everyone

when they auditioned

motherfuckers

they all had to be they told him straight

up because you are an extension of michael jackson

you’re not trying to

bring no flavor

don’t try to

bring your own flavor into this

you are an extension of michael jackson

there’s certain parts of the songs

where everyone’s doing the same

thing he’s doing

and then they go off and then michael jackson has his

he’s got like sixteen bars where he

could freestyle no one tells him what to do he goes

i’m gonna be

right here going off

and then he gets back into the show and then it’s all

quarter ground

and then he comes down and goes

this is just my shit

i’m just gonna do

it was all his shit

he had the craziest

dance style ever no one’s ever

danced like michael jackson to songs and performed them

there’s never been anybody like that one it’s almost

like he had more inside him that he had to let out

so he was so tortured

like that’s what you

sense from his performance like it was so

powerful and

crisp and electric

and it was almost because he had so much

inner turmoil that

that’s how it came out

it came out in his movements it was something

about watching it

where you felt for him

you felt what he was doing

it wasn’t just

a guy dancing and a guy singing it’s like the intense

expression that he was

using to dance and sing

it’s like he was

reaching these emotional

points these emotional peaks

that you’re like fuck man that dude is out there

that motherfucker was so talented

that people were just like you know what he

might be fucking with kids so what

you know what

they put on

his house they

people forgave

his ass eddie

all to clarify something

sleeping over with kids and locking the door

people like whatever there’s no

proof there’s no

video whatever

eddie you didn’t like him up

until watching that

movie though

i never was a fan of his music that

movie is so shitty

i can’t what

are you talking

about this is what is it amazing that

movie is when the dumbest

movies dude you like

nacho libre

so shut the fuck up no come on

you like nacho

libre i never

okay but let’s not get

upset at each

other for liking one

thing the other person

doesn’t like i thought this is it was amazing i did not

watch the whole

thing i watched

a part of it

while i was getting

tattooed and i

found it pretty

fascinating i thought it was interesting

i thought it was an in

depth look at him talking and interacting

with people that you don’t get a chance to see in

real time i’ve seen it like 10 times well

you know like 10

different documentaries in the past

i haven’t but

for me it was you know what

maybe i liked it a lot and you didn’t

cause i’m a musician

yeah you know what i mean and i look

if it was about golf like if it was

about tiger woods and

you know you

might not like it but this golf fan

worshipped it

cause you know if that movie

came out when michael jackson was

alive he would be pissed off

cause that’s how bad that movie was

i don’t know

about that man

a lot of people like it joey diaz

rants and raves

about that movie

to him it was an

enjoyable experience

is that you got to see

that’s a show to

put together

i’ve seen a

lot of documentaries of michael jackson that was the

worst one that’s all i’m saying i

understand it was the

worst you but what i’m saying is

there’s a lot of people that thought it was fascinating

was done very

quickly and slapped together

but i think that’s part horrible

that’s part of the interesting

aspect of is a lot of

i wasn’t looking at the

production i was looking at

like all this lost footage of him backstage and

practicing and rehearsing there’s

a lot of putting it all together in the auditions that

was amazing shit the way it was all put together dude

i may be a retard

but when i left

that i cried a couple fucking times and i was like this

motherfucker is

when he started

breaking down and he’s like i’m like

i can understand why you

wouldn’t like it

brian because you’re not into that shit but i

could also understand why he

would love it because he really

is into this no no no i’m a big michael jackson fan of

every single

album right here on my computer

it’s just that i

found that the most

his poor production and i don’t

have a dog in this race because i honestly did not

watch the whole

thing i only

watched like

maybe twenty

thirty minutes ago

i’m just saying i

like it i was just amazed that

his whole career

that you didn’t like him but then seeing that

movie i still

don’t like his

music i still don’t like the

music what documentaries have you

not liked that i liked was there anything that i really

loved and you hated

was there anything that i really

loved that you hated i don’t think so

we have pretty similar taste

what movies

annoyed you that didn’t

annoy me anything

that you can think of

i know there’s been some

i’m more tolerant for retarded

movies than you are

you know what

movie i just saw for the

first time what

and that i liked

i was shocked

i’m not a zombie

movie fan at all zombieland

no no resident evil 1

oh that’s pretty good dude

i liked it did you

like it i like it

i didn’t like it

i liked it it was the first

it was the best excuse

for zombies did you

watch it i liked it i’m like okay was that did you

watch it with your

check yes did you

did you not see

zombie land

i saw that too it was cool

it was cool

but the excuses for the zombies

like i’d like the

scientific one from resident evil it was like a hot

you know the cutting edge of science there’s only

one there’s only one 28 days

later every

other zombie

movie needs to shut the fuck up

shine of the dead

yeah but that’s kind of

funny that’s not not the same as far as like

scary zombie

movies 28 days

later is this shit

you ever seen that i’m

not it’s the english movie

i don’t remember

the sequel wasn’t bad either not bad yeah not as good

but not bad

pretty fucking good man shoo

it’s a realistic scenario

it’s a biological

weapon that they’re

creating they’re testing out on chimpanzees and a

bunch of animal

rights activists

come in and

break into the testing lab and release the chimps

the chimps attack them and just

start ripping them

apart it’s some new drug called rage it’s a

biological weapon

takes off from the chimps gets into people

anything happens

spit gets in your eye

blood from a

person they bite you they get you’re infected instantly

and you become one of

these fucking

crazy zombies like a

super are they really are they

really really

zombies that their

eyes turn total red

they’re fucking just trying to eat dead

flesh really dude you

gotta watch it

there it’s it’s dope

and it’s believable

if you think

about the diseases that we have just think

about rabies

rabies will turn some raccoon

into some crazy

motherfucker that wants to come to your

house and try to kill you

people have been attacked by raccoons when

they’re on rabies they kill dogs when they’re on rabies

you think that’s zombie though

it seems like it’s just if

they came up with anything look if there’s a way that

you can change people’s behavior through a parasite

through introducing

some sort of a bacteria or disease into

their system

which we know you can

you know we know

about that cat parasite we’ve talked

about that from brazil

sure but isn’t

the definition of a zombie someone who is dead and then

later came back to life somehow that’s the part where

you gotta have

a good reason for you were dead well if a parasite

came in and took over your body

and if it wasn’t killing parasite you’d be dead if it’s

using if it hijacks your central nervous

system and kills your mind

and your mind no longer

exists literally there’s a parasite

living in your brain

connected to all your nervous

system and running your shit

remotely okay if they’re so they’re not

considered a zombie

sure yeah wouldn’t you think

i just have

some questions here

i don’t know the true

definition of

zombie a realistic

possibility there’s a fish that has a parasite

a bunch of fish rather and this parasite takes the

place of the fish’s tongue

and eats the tongue it’s the craziest

thing to look at

i forget what the name of it is but

if you google fish tongue parasite and then the fish

die because the

tongue is eating

crazy thing

the fish stay

alive because

this parasite becomes its tongue

and it helps it swallow food

it literally clings to the inside of its

mouth and takes the

place of its tongue

the fish no longer has a tongue

instead it has a parasite that helps it eat

because it needs it to get food down its

throat so it

doesn’t eat

all the food eats just

some of the food eat some of the food

so the fish

swims around catches

all this food and the parasite eats it with them and

but if the parasite

died or left

the fish is fucked it’s a giant

acidophilus

something but it eats

your tongue and

leaves you with nothing there

so the fish if the parasite decides to

commit suicide

and leave the fish’s mouth

the parasite

doesn’t there’s

no tongue anymore do parasites have parasites the most

it’s it’s an endless cycle

it’s a good question but do

amazonian hot

bitches have vaginal parasites did you see that

imagine that

walked the entire length of the amazon did you see that

i heard about it what the fuck

somebody get that guy a hobby

right there’s a 14 year old girl from holland i think

yeah from holland

who just got

permission to sail around the world

she’s 14 she’s

gonna sail around the world

the fuck is

wrong with people she’s dead

the fuck is

wrong with by yourself by yourself

she’s dead what the fuck is

wrong with people why do they want to do such

crazy dangerous

storm and you’re fucked

well just why do it

if you want

to get over to brazil or if you know you want to get to

china come on

are you getting a plane

why do you want why do you want to go buy a row boat

is that is that really

gonna be more of a drill

on the edge

yeah that’s like that’s

ridiculous fuck a

plane you’re not even

going on a good boat

you’re taking a

boat that has to get there by the wind that’s so stupid

that’s the dumbest you know what i

think is stupid too is

people like me and like you

who fucking hate getting on planes

and we like we hate

we do it so much that

we hate getting on a fucking rocket ship

with the craziest you ever we love

these views from the hollywood hills

houses and from the that

the you know the top of

mandalay bay look at this view

but we can get we get on a plane that

crushes all

those views

smashes them

and we’re like fuck this flight

we get an awesome view for two

people we hate it

because it kind of looks all the same it’s boring

yes it’s boring usually but

i try to retrain

my thought and try to

appreciate that sometimes i’m on a

plane and i look out the window i’m trying to

enjoy i put my ipod on

good music i just

focus on the beauty that you’ll

never you’ll never see

again the way the

clouds are formed

like it’s the

ultimate in

randomness like

clouds will

never be that moment will

never be like that again

the stars in the sun

they’re like

clocks they will always be there

clouds and all you know it’ll

never be the same ever

every moment is

i write some of my best shit in

planes i write some of my best shit in

planes looking out the window because it’s so humbling

yeah something

about the experience

this gives me this little extra

tingle of fear that i

think makes the writing better a

tingle of humility you know it’s just like

bitch you’re in a tube flying through air

above everything how we doing this especially

if you eat like a cookie

right before

before you take off or some straight hash oil

holy fuck i went to

teach a seminar in the uk long time ago and

drank this hash oil

i wanted it to go to sleep

and i had the i was so

lucky i got the

whole roll to myself is like fucking

first class i’m laying down in the

whole roll take this

whole jar of hash oil

like i’m gonna

sleep the whole way

i didn’t sleep

my eyes were closed

but it was the brightest shit i’ve ever seen it was

as bright as this no kidding and man i

dude i came up with the craziest shit

all the way to england just

put together this

stupid movie in my head remember i told you

about gang bang yeah i put

i ended up being a ripoff of mamma mia

but it was like my version of gang bang

and i couldn’t stop putting the

scenes together

putting the whole

story together developing the characters and everything

i couldn’t stop i wanted to go to

sleep but the

movie had to be done in my

fucking head

dude it was amazing dude when you eat something when

you eat weed and you are in a humbling situation like

that like when you’re in the air flying through the

air like that and you’re at high altitude too like i

think when you’re in a plane

it replicates

being in like denver

as far as like

the amount of air that you can get so you get

drunker and you get higher

so if you’re eating some shit and you get on a plane

oh my god i’ve had some life

changing experiences high as fuck on a plane

totally a lot of fucking ideas and decisions get made

hi i’m playing

a lot of life changing

shit dude which we

travel so much and how many times have you and i like

right about to get on a

plane eat a cookie get on the

plane like you feeling this yet not yet not yet

but we go to england dude that’s a must how

about what when we went to england once for the ufc

you gave me some shit like some breath

strips or whatever

and i went to sleep and sometimes that shit

doesn’t hit you for like

eight hours

it was like a delay

i woke up in england

i woke up in england

that’s probably what it was i woke up in england

and while we were

going through customs

i’m like there’s something

wrong with me

i thought there was something

wrong with me

all of a sudden hit

it hit like a fucking two ton brick

that is the

worst time ever to be high

what are you doing here

i’m like i don’t know

i’m not sure

eddie has a past

he got pulled over having a gun in his car totally

legit he was working for

a check cashing store

he was supposed to have a gun he wasn’t a criminal

but just because they caught him with a gun

that shits on his record so

every time we go to canada for the ufc

he gets pulled aside

what happened

what happened

the microphone’s dead

check check one two

your microphone stopped

no this shit’s

still working dude your

microphone stopped

i don’t know

what happened there it goes now it’s back what happened

right i don’t know

hello there we go back

anyway that’s

a good way to end this show this is a fucking

three hour show god damn it god damn it

strike forces in eight

this is officially the longest

of our podcast ever

i’m sorry hope you

enjoyed it um

i give one last

plug in plug it up

a new episode of ten planet kush

is will be out this week

for the next

ufc the boston show

starring joey karate

it’s hilarious

subscribe to my youtube youtube com slash

oh no youtube

com slash i forget

what is your

twister eddie

twister eddie

slash twister

eddie subscribe

the new one we’re

gonna change the name to mma wild

so i keep forgetting that

cause 10th planet

kush is pretty badass i say you keep it

cause people know it yeah you

think so yes

cause you told me

mma wild i had to remember it

three times

but when i go

looking for 10th planet kush i always know i

think it’s perfect

cause it’s got weed in there it’s got 10th planet it’s

everything son

well that’s what

joey wanted mma wild

joey’s trying

to get out of the don’t we don’t need to talk

about we cocksucker

i’m trying to get a sitcom

get something on the discovery

channel you

think that’s what it is

cocksucker the people of disney they’re that close

i don’t want to work anymore

motherfucker i don’t want to get on a

plane i’m 300

pounds i got a breathing

machine haha

any problem

uh i love you with all my

heart but do me a

favor take the fucking push off

take the fucking push off haha

anime wild it’s fucking wild it’s mma

come on let’s do this hey

those of you on twitter land

what do you think

should we keep a

tenth planet

could i should we go

joey’s listening to

agents joey’s trying to do the

right thing joey’s trying to get a gig

that’s who’s trying to do

trying to get a gig he

doesn’t like

brian brian like had some

video him smoking weed what happened with that brian

we have one

video where he was smoking weed in it and he made me

take it down take that down and

and i’m like wait don’t you have a show that you

interview pot

stores and you

smoke weed and pot

stores oh we had them all

taken down and i’m like he had them all

taken down yeah

maybe he’s trying to

clean this shit up

he had them

there’s nothing

wrong with it it’s beautiful

i think he should embrace it only go with it

you know what we

gotta do is figure out a way

to make joey

famous as a comic

you know it’s almost a

travesty when we go on the road and joey

in ari as well ari

should be a headliner too but

these guys are headliners they’re both headliners and

they’re opening for me

you know people

should be paying to see joey diaz

they should be

going and seeing joey diaz

do a 45 minute set

you know joey

doesn’t like to do long sets like that he’s a

monster for like fifteen

twenty minutes that’s what he’s best at

crushes yeah when

he opened when he opened for you

when you taped your last special

spot yeah i

never seen him

dominated if we oh

does anybody

have yeah i have it you have that i have that

where is it at

i told him i

should have been

on your next

on the dvd no no he

crushed this is what we’re

gonna do he wants

to make sure

he doesn’t have anything

except a couple of

showtime specials a little

10 minutes out and shit

he wants to make sure we’re

gonna do something with him i think at

sal’s comedy hole or something like that

but we set up some cameras

and have joey film there like two

nights in a row

and have a killer set and

i don’t think it

would be too hard to

convince dana to

produce like a joey

diaz little special little

spike special man

dude he was

hard to do a

spike special because they need a name

yes he would crush

what he would

crush on is some sort of a

television show

where people

get to know him but to do a one off special you

gotta have a name that’s unfortunately the problem

what we need to

do is get something and promote it through my website

and promote it through twitter and get it out there

you know and get comedy

central to do something with them that’s

what joey is is is rare

down and dirty

out there in the jungle comedian joey will go and do

20 minutes at a mexican restaurant tonight and

kill like joe rogan i got this fucking new

place i’m trying down near pasadena

you know it’s always like this fucking guy

louis alvarez

send me down there it’s the bomb

they got good pulled pork

and you fucking get a free sandwich you go on

stage do twenty minutes

and he’ll do fucking

twenty minutes for

fifty bucks here

although you know this guy

throws me a hundred i go down there

i go to san covina

go down there do a fucking set

he’s a wild man

so he’s like

always working on his act he’s always like hustling

he’s always

going from place to

place you know

joey’s always

putting new shit together he’s always like

piecing this out he’s like

he’s a real hustle

on the ground he’s a

comic hustling yeah he’s doing comedy hustling on the

grind picking up twos and ones and hundreds

fifties and slap it all together with

some fucking residuals you know what they’re filming

someone’s filming a documentary

on them all this week they’re falling to all

these gigs yeah yeah tell me about this

yeah that’s what they

should do someone

should do it he’s a real american original

there’s no dude he

should be gigantic

he’s that fucking funny

let me show you something here

this is what joey looked like when i met him

this was joey when i met him

joey was like 200 pounds

maybe maybe 220

he was a fucking like a thug looking

big pussy looking character

he was like a big football player dude yeah

and in the time that i knew him

in you know ten plus years

he gained fuck almost 200 pounds

and then he lost a hundred then he lost a hundred

which is incredible that’s incredible right now

how many people do that i mean the joey karate

that did the intros to dvd

and the joey karate now

totally different human

it’s half half his size it’s ridiculous

he was ginormous

what an unusual human being that guy is you know i mean

i am one of the things i’m very fortunate about

i mean i’m fortunate

about everything basically i’m the luckiest dude ever

but one of the

things i’m fortunate is all the cool

friends that i’ve managed to meet and be friends with

and keep in my life all the years

you know and you guys too you know you guys are both

good friends

of mine and i want to hug this out and just

be friends brian

pay attention

if you turn on the air conditioning we

could be your friends

oh i didn’t turn on yeah it’s pretty warm in here

but joey joey is one of

those rare dudes

where it’s like wow i

might not ever meet a guy like him ever

ever in my life

or you i don’t

think i’ll meet another you

oh and you ain’t

meeting another me

bitch i doubt

it another me either stupid

brian what is that hat

there’s like some

legend of zelda

what is it legend of zelda

hey did you hear about that guy that is suing

the hawaiian guy who is suing some

south korean game

company because he can’t function

he’s so addicted to this game that he can’t function

i can see that but

just allowing the lawsuit

though i can see that i can see that

but how the fuck can you sue someone

for making something awesome

all you’re saying is

you made something

so awesome that i don’t want to do the rest of my

shit but what if there was some kind of

clause in the

software that’s like okay you’ve been playing for

three days straight

you’re not allowed to

play for an hour let me play

what if i got money

what if i got

money and i have all the time in the

world and i just say you know what i’m

gonna do i’m

gonna play this fucking

crazy game for a full

month and i’m

gonna make a

documentary on it and that’s what i want to do

i want to eat and

sleep and play this game why can’t i do it

well you could get special

permission from the

game makes you’re

gonna make a documentary

but some of

these people are fucking really like

spending weeks out of time

and that’s on them dude if they

weren’t that they’d be picking scabs

or sticking

things up their ass people are crazy

people are fucking crazy

and if you came up with something that’s so awesome

that they just

wanna do it

every day and they forget to eat fuck them

fuck them you can’t sue for that that’s like anti

evolution whoever that judge is

that’s an anti

evolution motherfucker a

judge who allowed that lawsuit

that’s ridiculous well he

might be allowing it to happen just so he

so the video game

maker will win and no one else will be able to do it

is that true it

might be like that that

might be right

but that seems like

you would want to just

throw it out then instead of

pressing it right away

this is not

gonna be accepted you can’t sue someone for that

i mean there’s no legal

but you’re saying something so awesome

that i can’t go back to regular life i can’t function

internet’s getting to a

point though

where it’s like a drug like any

other i went without a dude for five days all i did is

i and you were

jones and weren’t

twitter twitter messages up no i was okay

i was in hawaii i was okay

we’re just fucking hanging out all day

all i did was go

on twitter like a little bit and look at some fucked up

videos and some people say

you know why

you still had to go

check but you know what i did

though i only did it with my ipad i didn’t go online

i didn’t fuck with my forum

i didn’t i didn’t go on i didn’t

it’ll go to

underground a little bit

there you go but

i didn’t do it nearly as much as i do during the day

it is but i

think it’s a good

try to do a week with zero

okay but why

just see if you can do it but i

could do it

i mean people have done it

yeah my grandfather

lived without his

whole life he

never got online

yeah but there’s

to death you’re in hawaii you could

could have done it easily

sometimes you sit down and you go i wonder what’s

going on on twitter

maybe somebody posted something life

changing must have information i must figure out

nonsense ghetto gaggers

calm sign i want to

see the next

thing i’m gonna hire

someone to sue me for being a dick

to do my music

that’s a good

no seven o’clock

strike force is on

right now we’re

gonna end this

go to what is the website

tenth planet jj com

free techniques till

october one all of them are free and if you

never done some

jiu jitsu find a

place near you there’s

tenth planet affiliates all over the

country if you can’t find that find another jiu jitsu

school it’s the fucking most fun

thing it’s great way to exercise

you don’t have to

think about doing boring shit like

going to the gym and riding a bike it makes it fun

brian redband com pet sematary

on funnier day pet sematary it is very

funny it’s very disturbing but brian is a

funny little character and he always makes

funny things and

thank you very much for

tuning in my friends we

appreciate it this is the extended

three hour version

of the podcast

never to be repeated

this is the one time we babbled all the way to

strike force

but i hope you guys

enjoyed it and

as always i love you bitches thank you