The Joe Rogan Experience #37 - Ricky Schroder

what’s your name

again brian brian brian

that’s a good goddamn fucking song

brian you like it you know how to pick them who is that

mike posener

mike posener this is the guy who became

famous over the internet yes wow

that’s pretty goddamn

good we got a well instant messenger

going on in the background

yeah something

i don’t know what it is okay

ladies and gentlemen

thank you very much once

again for tuning into the

to the podcast

as always we’re sponsored by the flashlight

my special guest today is rick schroeder

ladies and gentlemen rick schroeder

thank you like

from a million different things the

first time i was ever exposed to you i was a little kid

and my stepfather took me to see the

champ and i cried like a bitch really oh

that’s a good story

you know i’m remaking that got me so are you

a kid you know i’m remaking that are you doing it

again really

in the world

hopefully your world

in the mma world wow

dana’s got it really wow holy shot awesome yeah

yeah but you can’t have the

death though yeah

he’s never gonna go

yeah they will

he really know why why because

the way i got it written

he has a pre existing condition for motorcycle accident

that’s why he died

oh okay because he takes a blow to the head you

crafty hollywood people

just know how to

trick us the champ

you ever you ever seen one of these things before

no this is the flashlight

and what it is is you know it’s a masturbation

technology device

it’s to make

jerking off better

and and what is

this thing how

you collect

is a collect

nobody’s had sex with

it is it collect the

fluid in the bottom or something yeah yeah yeah this

is a recycle

you release it

cracking of shame

is how i describe it

you go like that it just

slithers out into this

thing shown

fish in the bucket

this is his move this is called fish in the bucket

ladies and gentlemen for you watching on itunes

when you pull this flashlight out

it’s really soft

fake vagina material

and so when you

pull it out of this tube that looks like a flashlight

you see what looks like

you know the actual device is like

it looks like a

jellyfish sort of a thing

wow what is that retail for man i

think it’s like sixty

bucks or something like that but if you

order through my website you get fifteen percent off

supposedly supposedly

we got to figure out how that works yeah

make sure but

hopefully they’re selling them because the fucking

things work man

you know everybody beats off have you

tried it have i

tried it have

you trust your name

did you stutter just like

today i haven’t fucked

today the one why

would you try

you have the most beautiful wife

smelling good son

i know his wife stop getting crazy

let’s just be realistic

you have to be able to use your mind on occasion

you can’t always fuck the same person

you have to fuck someone else with your

brain the flashlight does not talk yeah

it’s not even that it’s just like there’s times

where you just it’s like a maintenance

thing you just gotta

just gotta beat off like you don’t want to have

sex you don’t have the time to get intimate you just

look i don’t need to get rid of some loads here

bam i could

understand that

you know when you’re 18 in the shower in the morning

and brush your

teeth jack off you don’t

understand that as a girl but i don’t

understand that as a four year old it just

i think my hgh

levels crashed oh

gotta start doing squat son

gotta get on them deadlift son

handle bells man rick schroeder just

started doing

jiu jitsu he

is taking it now and you’ve been taking it for like

three days i’ve had

four classes

for four days with

eddie with your

teacher eddie

bob yeah he’s

rick schroeder’s

learning how

to strangle

bitch have you had that ringworm yet how

about that definitely

tell him yeah

listen i got some soap for you i’m

gonna give it to you before we

leave i wanted

to have it out for the podcast but i forgot

it’s called

defense soap

and you can go to defense soap com

i have no affiliation with them

the guy who owns it guy sakos just this really cool guy

who made this

great product

and it’s all

about keeping your skin healthy

when you do

jiu jitsu because when you do

jiu jitsu you’re getting scratched

and you’re rolling around there’s a lot of abrasions

all over your body

and if you don’t wash with like a good healthy soap

you can have like you get infections you

have like ringworm

and people don’t tell you

about it’s fucking really annoying

you have to find out like from

other people that do jujitsu

like my friend already had a

staph infection on his knee and his knee had swollen up

we were playing pool

and he’s walking around the pool

table with this like weird limp

so i go what’s

going on man

and he goes i got a spider bite

and i go oh shit let me see it

so he pulls his

pants up i go dude that’s a staph infection well

he thought it was a spider bite because it was this big

pus filled red mark it looked like he had gotten poison

with something he looked like there was like you know

venom in there or something

so if i hadn’t noticed that it probably

could have got

systemic and he

would have had to have been in the hospital with iv and


antibiotics it’s really really dangerous

stuff what’s the ringworm

thing is that

not real it’s

the funniest

no it’s called

no it’s the same

thing as athlete’s foot it’s really the same

exact fungus it’s just different parts of your body

and what ringworm is it’s like it grows and

it looks like a ring

you know when it

starts to infect

you like a big circle on your body

and that’s how you crop circle your skin

yeah it’s usually in circles yeah there’s some gnarly

dudes at the gym

that you really i mean

you don’t wanna

sweaty guys on top of you

it was weird to get

it was weird at first

it’s weird as fuck man i do

but i do it i

think of it

you know you don’t even

think of it really as a dude you

think of it as like a problem you

think of it as

here’s this

you know there’s

this thing that’s moving around that i have to dissect

you know i have to dissect this guy

i have to figure out how to lock him down

figure out how to hold him in

place figure out how to take his arm

what happened there

made volume

boom would you do that brian

now my volumes gone

your volumes gone yeah you just fucked with something

there you go

that’s better oh it’s sensitive

wow mine’s way loud

that’s better

i’m gonna back off the mic

back off the mic son

so i’m loving the jiu jitsu

yeah so rick schroeder’s out there strangling bitches

you got tapped by your own son though that’s sad

really i could

come on could have got him i

could have got him all

right should have

got him then

i did next time i will tell you something

you have kids you can’t let them tap you

my other son though

my 18 year old son holden

he actually did get me

well holden seems like

he’s a big strong strapping fella

and he’s just

starting to come into that

so he’s like

really into it you know when i talked to him

about jujitsu

i was like dude you

would love it

he would love it and

he needs that gym in salt lake yeah

jeremy horne has a gym in salt lake he’s

going there for college

right yeah he just went there last week

he needs to go well

we’ll get him set up with jeremy because jeremy’s got

a killer gem and jeremy’s like a really good

coach he’s one of the best guys you could ever

learn from because

jeremy has always been

not like a physically talented guy

he’s not like a natural athlete not like

super strong or explosive

just really

smart and really technical

you know that’s what he’s always

been like he’s always been real clever on the ground so

just a great guy to learn from

those are the best guys to

learn from the guys are really strong

sometimes they’re getting away with like

a lot of it is just through athleticism and they’re not

quite as technical as the guys who are like

naturally not that strong

those are the best guys to

learn from jeremy

horn is one of the nicest guys in the world

cool so he’ll love it

he’s gonna be a killer he’s

gonna come back he’s

gonna oh he’s a

beast already

he’s gonna get you he’s already a beast so

what did he tap you with

it was an arm it was an arm bar

you got me arm got me arm well

and and luke got me in a region

think about not tapping

yeah but i know my son and i could feel the emote

like the boys and their dads have this thing

like especially when boys turns like 18 19 20

they have to go through this thing where they like

have to push their dads away

like for some reason it’s part of the natural

transition into manhood yeah really

yeah and he was going he’s

going through there now because he’s eighteen

and i could tell he wanted to hurt me

so i knew i needed to

i know i needed to just that’s so

crazy yeah and

i said i tapped and he goes you can’t tap

i said no i said hold and i tapped

he’s like oh

he just wanted to just wow

he didn’t want you to tap you didn’t want me

to tap that’s

ridiculous why

would he not want you to tap

if he got you

you want to

break your arm

well i don’t

think he want to

break my arm

but that’s what happens when you don’t get to tap

you just want to give me a little more pain

before i tapped out

wow that’s fucking

weird man i don’t know

how i’d handle that i have to beat the fuck out of him

i think i might have to beat the fuck out of him you’re

lucky of girls nothing

i don’t know how to deal with that i

might have to

choke that dude

i’m mad to be like we’re

gonna figure some shit out here

you know damn

you don’t have to go through that

some fucking

young buck run around your

house was chest puffed out i’m not listening to you

uh well you know what you

gotta put the hooks in son i’ve

gotta let him listen

another way i gotta get

through him

just squeeze him out

you gotta be able to consistently squeeze them out

that’s what’s most important

you can’t just squeeze them out

every third time

you gotta be able to squeeze them out

every time you guys grab my goal my goal is

i’m gonna beat the fuck out i’m gonna get eddie’s

mondays and wednesdays for the next six

months yeah and i’m

gonna learn some serious technique you can

and he and i are gonna we’re gonna go at it again

eventually well this is what you need to do all you

need to do is be consistent

be consistent

that’s the most important thing be consistent and

spar a lot and get on some sort of a strength program

get on like

lifting kettlebells are the best

because they’re really lightweight

you can do it with like a 30 pound kettlebell 35

pound kettlebell you get a

tremendous workout i have one workout that i do

it’s just one 35

pound kettlebell you call

it farmer strength yeah you get you’re using

your whole body

and it just forces you

to use everything

like athletically as opposed to like like just

bench pressing

just isolating your

yeah that stuff

doesn’t really enhance your your ability to move things

it’s like when you have

something that you have to control

and you have to balance it

then you develop

a different kind of a strength the strength that

has stability and balance and the strength that the

muscle groups

use and muscles adjust when

things are going

wrong and when you’re getting tired

that’s what’s really important

you do that you’ll

choke the fuck out of that kid just what i’m talking

about get that little


shut up you

gotta be able to get them all the time

it’s very important man you have to

let him know

that every time you roll

you’re gonna

choke the fuck out

of him this is a foregone conclusion

there’s certain dudes that

you just own

like when i

first started doing jiu jitsu

there was this

kid who was this purple belt who was really good

and this dude owned me

every time we rolled he owned me it was a foregone

conclusion that i was

gonna tap i sucked i was a

white belt i didn’t know what i was doing

and he was a really good purple belt he was

strong as fuck and he used to like

to run through me

that’s what he

would like to do just fucking

squash me as

quick as he could

and it was like god damn but

you kept there was an

order yeah well you know

he left and i went to another

school the school that we were at close now

but the important

thing was i knew

every time i roll with that guy

unless i get way way way better

i don’t get way better than i was

that guy was

gonna fuck me up

every time so there’s like

i didn’t want to roll with them

cause he owned me

you know what i’m saying

you gotta own your kid

own that little

motherfucker this

is what you

gotta do get his neck

just shut the fuck up

that’s what you

gotta do dude

a lot of it’s

psyching out too you might

wanna like shave a mohawk and

stuff and start

like spitting on em and

stuff get some

tattoos by the

way that look outside

someone that mike

tyson face tattoos hold your gun sideways

bitches know you ain’t playing

rick schroed is

in town motherfucker

what they say garment didn’t make man equal

smith and wesson did

well you know you were

my fallback

rick is one the

very unusual hollywood guy

you’re not you

know everybody

wants to say that like he’s not a hollywood guy

but you’re not a hollywood guy you’re a dude who had a

ranch out in

colorado yeah

i know you love to hunt

like you love a lot of like

manly shit jujutsu is

right up your rally

totally man i mean that guy

spear gun hunt

yeah you do

crazy he got back from africa

and showed me all this fucking shit he killed went on a

great safari with my son

wow fly airplane taking me we’re

gonna go pig hunting

we just have

to figure out well it’s more than pigs actually we’re

gonna do some

we’re gonna do a buffalo i’m not

doing anything i can’t eat bison you can eat bison

yes bison you can but i’m just saying

you guys kill shit you can’t eat he’s

gonna eat everything

that he killed the only shit that i can’t that i

would kill that i couldn’t eat

is like shit that i

think like coyotes that kill cats and shit i

could kill a coyote

you know like i’ve had cats fuck coyote

yeah i’ve had

you know my dog got killed by mountain line in colorado

when are we

going hunting when are you

gonna when do you have time we’re

gonna figure it out

right after my book

i’m supposed to be done with my book by

october fifteenth

because november will

be time yeah

it’ll be cooler

and we can hunt deer

right we can hunt deer pig deer

dude i like the way deer taste

i want to do

it because i’ve been a meat eater my entire life

and i’ve taken

no responsibility for my desire

to consume meat you know i’ve not felt any remorse

you know from pulling a

trigger and seeing an animal die i

haven’t made a

connection a real

connection between

what you’re doing when you’re eating meat

and i think as a person who thinks

i think that’s actually probably important to try out

well you know what very

important you know hunting gathering was our past

you know with some men

especially hunting gathering

and like the further we get away

from that vibe of hunting and gathering and providing

and testing ourselves like that

i think the more out of

touch we’re

becoming with who we are

do you know why i

think that is

i think the

world and technology have

evolved faster than people and i

think there’s certain reward

systems that are set up

in the human mind to

ensure that we’re

gonna continue to do certain things

like that we’re

gonna continue to wanna fuck

that we’re gonna

continue to

want to hunt like you get like a response from hunting

i know i do from fishing

i’ve never been hunting but i’ve been fishing

and there’s some primal

thing about pulling a big fish out of the

water like yeah

yeah that’s fucking good

knowing that you’re

gonna eat this

thing like you just went out into the wild another

world okay floating around in a fucking

ocean and you pulled something out of that world

and now you’re

gonna eat it that’s

gonna give you life yeah

there’s a little there’s

energy that’s attached to that like you feel good

about it well you know if the

truth is if hunting gathering societies had succeeded

they were they

they haven’t

succeeded because they were placed by mass farm

production societies

will us surplus

changed everything what

changed everything was the ability to stay in one place

people have like this sort of a nomadic

genetic connection there’s a guy who lives in alaska

and they chronicled him on you ever see vbs

tv you ever go to that website no

fucking phenomenal website

there’s a series called the vice

squad or the

vice guide and

they do all kinds of

weird shit like they go to like

africa and they go all over the

world north korea

but one of the

really coolest ones they went to this guy who lives

by himself and his wife in a cabin

out in the middle of nowhere

in alaska yeah i mean he lives around bears and he

all he does all day

is hunt and

bring food back

catch fish and

smoke catch fish bring

it back yeah i don’t know what he does for vegetables

because he’s like you know it’s frozen up there i mean

he’s eating

fucking pine cones i don’t know what he’s eating

i mean i know he gets some supplies

dropped to him

yeah this guy

he never saw 9 11

huh he hasn’t even seen a

photo of it off the grid these are

guys totally off the grid

there’s guys that are doing that out there and

he’s just but he’s like

so off the grid

and he says

he’s extremely

happy and he’s

very articulate

he’s not like a crazy guy

he’s a very

articulate guy

who’s been doing this for a long time and he says that

as man gets further

away from his nature like this hunter gatherer nature

you lose your

connection with the

earth you lose your happiness

and he thought that that’s the reason why people

you know like so many people

are depressed and so many people hate what they do

hunter and get hunter and gathering like that

you’re gonna love that you get it

there’s like a visceral response like your genes get it

yeah yeah and it

clears your mind i mean when you’re out

trying to provide

food for yourself your family your friends

and if that’s really all you’re

focused on then it’s all this

other stuff and

doesn’t sort of add up anymore

you know doesn’t

count doesn’t really matter

and so hunting gathering i mean

it’s really

where we came from but

we’re a dying

breed hunting gathering people so do you

think that that’s one

of the reasons why society i mean it really does make

sense right that that’s one

of the reasons why people in society are so depressed

is that we are living a life like

technology and society

has gotten so far past

where our genetics are

and our genetics

still require some acts

for us to feel good

you know that they have like there’s a set in

you know a reward

system in place for doing

things like sex feels good so that you make babies

food feels good so that you keep eating and you survive

yeah all these reward

systems are set up and if you take a few of them out

without correcting the body

yeah like you’re

gonna have like

these holes you’re

gonna have these problems yeah

these voids are over there and then

they’re filled with

other things that

are probably not nearly as healthy or good

um is that a fascinating idea though that it’s like

it really is like you’re looking at evolution

i mean you’re

looking at it you can you can tune back into it

like if you

look if you look at like the way it’s set up

it’s set up to make sure

that we do certain

things and if you take

these certain

things away

you the body gets fucked up

like it gets like we there’s

things were missing like people don’t have sex

i’ve always said this like

it doesn’t matter

how religious you are if you’re not having sex

you have sexual

organs and you’re not

using like do not

you don’t want to

experience any pleasure you don’t want to

you don’t want to

like exchange

love with somebody

like that you’re

gonna break

you know that’s not good

that’s not good at all no sex is good

then we can

agree all the natural

things food is good

i mean there’s all

these reward

systems that are set up

it’s just it’s really fascinating

that so few of us are

tuned in to the hunter gatherer

thing that you are

yeah man i mean i grew

hunting is like breathing for me

you know it’s

like it’s just part of my life and i bow hunt and

i hunt with shotguns i hunt with

rifles i hunt with blow guns

i hunt with spear guns

i just hunt i just have to and you know

one of the one of the

geronimo i think was the

great indian warrior

when he was finally caught

and put on the reservation they said to him so now

geronimo what are you

going to do now

there’s no more hunting for you and he goes no

we will hunt mice because we are hunters

and we have to hunt

and and that’s just sort of it’s in your blood

hunter that’s a dude that needs a

hobby that shit’s

ridiculous you

gotta go hunting mice how

about you play

chess son alright

settle down

we’re gonna go hunt mice what

leave the fucking mice alone man

it’s not necessarily

always the kill though it’s like the pursuit of

something so do you feel

like when you do it when you when you kill something

and then get to eat it do you feel like did is it

trigger some sort of like a primitive reward system

that you feel

you feel it you know

funny enough i actually

don’t like to eat a lot of what i kill

what which is

oh that’s right we have this conversation you like beef

i eat for dinner

i like beef

but none of my meat that i’ve ever killed goes to

waste i always give

like i don’t

particularly like deer or venison

meat because it’s so lean

right i like fat i like

i like ribeye

steaks that are just

full of marbling so

when i hunt

i mean i do

clean the meat and take care of it and

i always donate it to somebody a friend or family or

somebody that needs it

but it’s it’s really the pursuit

and the capture of the game

that i get the the

reward from not the actual taking a bite of it really

you know i mean it’s

see i get that too but i

think i think there’s something in deer meat

i think there’s something in deer and elk and this is

hear me out that

sounds totally crazy

but i think the

things that are hard to catch

are better for you

i think that if you got a cow that’s

just hanging around being a fat fuck and you walk

right up to him

shoot him in the head

i don’t see how that’s good for you

i mean i mean it is good it

tastes delicious and

everything and i eat

steak like anybody but

i think it’s better to eat deer because they’re hard to

catch yeah the

effort involved when it flees be really

you know when you

want to kill fleas all day then for the same reasoning

oh my god no

cause you’re not eating

them they’re not animals that are prey you psycho

these they’re

hard to catch

they’re hard to

catch what are you saying

they’re not hard you could

squash them you

never try to

catch a flea it’s

hard i don’t

think i’ve ever seen a friend

there’s a thing called free

split free spray

please pray

i can say it

you can fucking kill billions of them with a

stroke of a hand when you’re

ready to go hunting let me know yeah

where we’re gonna go i

definitely want to go hunting

for we’ll do another podcast when we get back when i

lived in colorado deer were

everywhere it was

crazy and all

these fucking

liberals and hippies and boulder nobody

shooting any of

these deer so they’re so relaxed

they’re just

standing there big fucking ten

point bucks

just standing on the side of the road looking at you

and i stopped the car and i’m like really

i roll down

the window and i’m talking to the i go really

really he wasn’t

scared of me at all just looking at me like what

bitch that’s awesome what

the fucking huge man and they have elk

when we went we looked

at some property in evergreen because i was convinced

that that was my move i needed to move to the mountains

yeah that was my i’m trying to get you

to freaking i longer

if i well let’s not talk

about that on the internet or

fucking psycho

stalkers are listening

to pay go wisconsin

yeah what anyway

evergreen oh when we were looking

at property in evergreen there’s a fucking herd of elk

that wandered in

photos they wandered down

this certain path they walk through the fucking main

street in town every year

and there’s like

hundreds of them and they’re fucking huge

like how badass is that like you’re

standing there and as you’re

standing there a herd of elk

just walk through

the fucking town it’s totally not natural though

i mean really i mean

where i hunt elk and deer and

stuff man they’re just wild so

it’s not natural it’s not natural

it’s not natural if not have a fear man

oh yeah of course it’s not

natural it’s not natural yeah well the problem is

somehow or another this town was

built on a path that they always take the

migration thing yeah

so i don’t know i

guess maybe there’s also

there’s more fear of mountain

lions than there are of people so they figure look at

least we’re around these

crazy assholes

one of us is getting shot

we’re not all

gonna get picked

apart by a fucking flock of mountain lions

is that what mountain lions packs packs no

they don’t even they

travel solo anyway packs

maybe they’d be

like spider

spider they found the amazon you ever seen that

there’s a spider they

found the amazon that attacks in packs

it’s the only spider in the world

they attack

thousands of them at once

so they make these gigantic nests

huge spider webs

where like a deer could get stuck and

they kill much larger

things they kill rats and all kinds of

crazy that’s cool it’s the amazon the amazon is

there’s a bbc documentary about the amazon a two part

series that i watched once i still have it on vhs

i can’t find it on dvd like they don’t have it

fucking phenomenal

they go into the amazon yeah and that’s where they show

these these spiders like

there’s shit that’s evolving in the amazon

right now what the amazon was

is it used to be like

fields and then it became a rainforest like overnight

not overnight but really

quickly yeah so a lot of animals got

stuck inside this rainforest

and they evolved

like there’s an antelope that swims

it’s got little

short legs and it swims like up to a hundred yards

underwater and it eats fish

and it’s a fucking antelope that’s

crazy why did do that because it gets

stuck there in the

water and they had to figure out another way to eat oh

yeah there’s a fish that fucking

climbs out of the

water walks

till it finds the next pond and jumps in

that’s pretty sick dude

there’s so much

crazy shit there

it’s all these animals that are

adapting to this

fucked up change in the environment

badass it’s so awesome

but the spider anyway

they found one spider they’ve

never thought spiders did this before

but they found this one spider that acts as a pack

that’s sick like so killer

bees but killer

enormous spider webs

and these little fucking mice get

stuck in them and shit

they just swarm on thousands of spiders you like fuck

you just think what if that was me

what if it’s the middle of the night i’m

going to take a piss

and i still what this is

all fuck ah

sounds like hallucination

of fucking million some people

tracking you did you see that

photo i posted the

other day on

twitter of the spider in my backyard i went

yes back what was that this big you

identify it no it look like the predators face

that’s what it look like yeah you

where’s the

picture it’s on my twitter

yeah twitter dot com

slash red band

yeah could find how how many days ago probably like

a week ago a week ago

i’ll retweet it

good luck i’ll

retweet it tonight you’re asking too much

son you’re asking for research i’ll retweet it tonight

spider scared the fuck out of me man

i found five

scorpions in my living room once

five scorpions yeah there was like a nest

yeah they have

scorpions out

here man really yes i’ve seen them many many many

many many times and the little ones

they’re very dangerous they’ll fuck you up man

hmm tarantulas

right rattlesnake

tarantulas all the time

rattlesnakes all the time we have rattlesnake fencing

you know my my two pit bulls both of them

had gotten bitten

by rattlesnakes when i had them

this fucking rattlesnakes are

dangerous man they’re all over the

place yeah when i

lived in calabasas i always found

snakes all around the ground just like eating my

other animals like

coyotes if you fuck up and step on one accidental

you got to be real careful when you’re hiking

we went running i went running with the dogs and we run

there’s this hill that we run

this dirt road

and when we

were running down the hill i was like oh here we are

running over this log

and as i’m running over the log it’s a fucking

giant rattlesnake

i realized as

my feet were running over it i was like oh my god

dude there’s a rattlesnake as fat as my arm

it is giant

the biggest rattlesnake i’ve ever seen uh

i was like holy

fuck i mean it was fat dude it was fat it was like a

bitch it was like if that

thing got you be like fuck

feel the hot lava of the fucking

venom going into your

bloodstream immediately you

know that those that cult out in um

virginia that actually holds snakes and

that’s part of

their religion

if they don’t get

bit by the rattlesnake

then that means they’re like pure and

stuff oh my god

and so there’s this preacher guy

who’s in prison

right now because

he wanted to kill his wife

so he stuffed her mailbox full of


and she opened it up and put her hand in and got bit oh

for attempted murder oh

damn that’s some

fire and brimstone type shit that’s like a preacher

would think

uncle barry fin

shit yeah but

some fucking evil snakes

like some tom

killed her by putting a moon full of rattlesnakes

she reached in to get the mail

and they snap the hold of her and suck the life out

angela and lansbury

somehow involved with this

whole thing there’s some primal

about doing that getting some evil animal do your

dirty work setting somebody up that’s

like that’s like

that’s like way cooler than just

shooting somebody

you know he said the fucking rattlesnake

wow jackson

when people it’s

always a fucking husband and his wife man god damn i

would like to know

about the percentage

of people that kill themselves or kill each

other rather

what percentage of

husband and wife

you mean just

like that where the

husband kills the wife or the wife kills the husband

is it more that like

what is the percentage

as far as like people getting killed like how

many of them are husband and wife how many of them are

just here’s the guy that works at the post

office that always fucking piss me off so i shot him

and how many of his husband and

wives i don’t

think i don’t

think it would be

as much as you

think i think domestic violence be huge

but i don’t

think it goes all the way i

think we’ve all seen

couples that are just fucking violent to each

other right

yeah that’s

scary shit dude

that must be so

scary for a cop

you know they always say that

those are the

most dangerous calls to take domestic violence cases

it doesn’t seem so like if you

watch the show cops it

doesn’t seem

like it’s that big of a deal to you

that’s true brother in law that was

abused by his ex really

i can’t go into details but

she came out with a knife

she came out with a knife

a few times

he wasn’t fucking her correctly

let me tell you something no

chick i’m fucking is ever coming to me with a

knife you gotta

keep him in check

that would suck

you gotta have control

do you not get

involved in any sort of relationship

you’re not the man if you’re actually a man

don’t get involved in a relationship

where you’re not the man

if you feel like well somehow

with her i don’t feel like

i’m the man and just i don’t know what to do get out

get out you get your souls getting

stolen from you in the

night while you

sleep but you don’t realize you’re with


alpha like you

but it’s not

it’s not it’s don’t

it then whatever

the role is make sure it’s a harmonious one

you know i’m saying don’t let someone

all of a sudden be like

the dominant one and you figure you’re not dominant

anymore like men who get in situations like that

where their wife gets to yell at them and the father

the husband’s always gone okay okay

okay okay that’s just nature’s

that’s their nature

that’s not healthy

there’s a girl out there somewhere

that’s probably nice

and if they

found that girl instead of the one they’re with they

found some chick who just likes to

look at the positive side of

things and she likes

going to cool

movies and eating in fun

places and she

doesn’t require a lot

you know you that goes out there

you don’t have to listen to this fuck yeah but

she’s probably dead inside for that

those very good qualities you know that’s

why she’s giving up on life and she’s like are you

giving up on

life she’s enjoying

things is that what it is when the

chick isn’t

crazy she’s giving up on

life is just

interesting sit down on the

couch just like

i’m dead that’s interesting

so you think that any

chick that’s like no i don’t really i didn’t

really shake this out

i’m just throwing something on the

table there

i thought you were committed to this man

no you sure you’re not committed to this argument

rick doesn’t even know what we’re talking about that

kinda went over my head

staring at us like i took rick

schroeder to his very first ufc recently how was it

it was good but to be honest with

you i wanted to be inside

where you guys were

i was like on the outside

and i was like

too far i was looking up

and i didn’t have a great view

well you guys were on the floor like

floor seats are not my favorite

my favorite is one or two up

yeah on the side

i think you’re right i think the first risers

right first rise is the best spot because you’re

still close enough to see the action

yeah you know but you’re not

yeah you’re not looking up

sometimes life sucks when they go to the ground on the

other side of the cage

if you’re on the ground you know like in tv and

hd because i buy it all the time on pay per view

like i get like the

close ups i hear the sounds more

i was more in the fight commentary where

yeah i i didn’t hear any commentary

right you can get these little they have these little

radio things and

they sell them

ufc fight link i believe it’s called

and you listen

to it and you get to listen to the commentary

they broadcast it unlike a wireless signal like a

radio station

iphone app for that they

should totally right

totally charlie

what the fuck dana

dana get on this shit son

it was cool though man

you have seen a huge ufc fan

just wrote a

movie about it

so we’ll see what happens but yeah i mean

rick schroeder go

chuck norris

talk to me once like 15 years ago

chuck norris hug me is the

greatest moment of my life

chuck norris man was was like

did he try to

start some mma

league well he did

he had a kickboxing league

i think it was called the

world combat league i’m

not sure i’m

not sure if that’s the right name

like 15 years

ago i apologize if i’m

wrong because i’m a

huge chuck norris fan

and he tried to

get me in on that way back in the beginning like really

like let’s build a team in

la yeah that’s exactly what

he was doing he was doing kickboxing teams and they

tried to do that with the ifl

the ifls the international

fight league and they had some really good

fighters but they

tried to do that team

thing too they had

tried to have them

fight in teams

the only two

things will be fun is that

they’re all at once

well you know i thought it was free i

thought you know hey look you know

it’s not the

right way to go but at

least it’s something different and people are talking

about it like it makes for

subject of debate you like this do you not like this

you know it makes it a little

novel but yeah

it’s not the way to do it teams aren’t the way to do it

i would you

know when all

those things were

coming around i was like what are you doing it’s an

individual sport

why try to team

i guess what they’re doing is they’re just trying to

get in on some unique way

you know like

everybody else is doing it this way so we’re

gonna have teams the denver douchebags and the fucking

the montreal

monsters you

know folding

chairs into it let’s really get going

i was just gonna

say it seemed very roller derby

i was gonna say that you went pro

wrestling around the same way

wave like there

yeah it’s i don’t know man

it’s interesting the only way to do it is just do it

you know just have to

stop trying to

dress it up

i do like some

strike force rules

strike forces put rules in when they don’t have

elbows i know

a lot of people like

elbows but fuck

elbows cut people up man

and i know you

should just protect yourself from that

and elbows can stop

fights too they’re very dangerous weapons but

i kind of like

strike force how they just do

punches they don’t

elbow each other on the ground

i think i think

it might make

fighters careers longer i mean

people like

it though and it’s a very effective technique

maybe they need some sort of a pad on the

elbow if that’s possible

you know that

might not be a bad idea that

doesn’t cut yeah because it’s such a

short movement

when you’re on top of a guy in such a fucking

short distance to stop and so much

power you can generate

and it’s just bone on bone just

smashing your fucking face

that’s a goddamn dangerous technique man

make it have like a

sound like a dog toy though

every time they do it it’s like

you feel gay doing it

making a squishy toy noise

i don’t think there’s anything

wrong with elbows i mean don’t get me

wrong i wouldn’t take them

out i wouldn’t take them out either but

i look at the

strike force

rule and i go

maybe that’s the way to go

sometimes i look at it and go i like that that’s around

know what i do like i like that there’s a

comparison we can look at the

strike force

and see see what happens with them with the

punches in the ground like we’ve already done that with

pride the old

pride days they used to be able to

do whatever they wanted man they got soccer kick dudes

while their heads were on the ground headbutts

stomp on them

they did i don’t

think they allow

headbutts and they don’t

think they allow

groin groin

kicks i don’t

think the allowed

fish hooking or any of the

stuff that’s always illegal

they didn’t

allow it but they added

the stomps and

the soccer kicks and the knees to the head to a downed

opponent it’s all really fucking

violent dangerous shit you know

when you see a guy get soccer

kicked in the head that’s when you know you like whoa

like shit this is not

fucking playing around this is a real fight

that guy just

soccer kicked that guy in the face when he’s down

it’s not the best

thing to have in

mma but pocket adds this

crazy element to it

you know when a guy goes down the

other guy’s trying to

stomp him like

literally like whoa

vandele silva

knocked out

i think it was timora

no it wasn’t timora

damn i forget who it was yuki kondo

yes i believe it was

he knocked him out and then he started

stomping his fucking head

while he was down but didn’t

early ufcs and

like have biting and stuff

maybe it wasn’t easy

condo i should i

should find out exactly who it was and

randomly do that before i said

it but whoever it was he was holding onto the ropes

with one hand then kicking the guy in the face

stomping on his head

while he was down it was so violent

i was like fuck

like that took it to another

level yeah that’s the refs

fault though for no no no it’s

legal it’s legal

huh in japan it’s legal

well in japan and

pride it was

legal you were i

think you can

still do it i know you can

definitely still kick

or knee a downed

opponent i think you can soccer kick him

still to and you can stomp them

still too i

think i think

dream the way they do it i mean

there’s different organizations like

one of the things that the

ufc has always been pushing for is a unified

system of rules so the rules we use

everybody uses so that we all practice

the same sport that makes complete

sense totally complete

sense it’s totally the

right way to go but

japan doesn’t give a fuck

they’re like no

we don’t like five

minute rounds we want a ten

minute round

ten minute round

and they have

crazy shit where they’ll come and they’ll take your

money away if they don’t

think you’re

fighting hard enough really yeah dude they get

crazy laws over there

so like say if

and sometimes man dudes

are just taking a fucking breather like it’s a war

or they neutralize each other

nobody can get anything done

and they go stop stop

and they pull

out a yellow card and what a yellow card is

is they take 10

of your fucking purse

so if you’re getting paid

100 grand you just lost 10 000

because some fucking douchebag referee

decided you needed a yellow card

cause you’re not

fighting hard enough at

least it’s just that in

japan a yellow card can mean a lot of

things yeah

they could be

get the eels

and the women

they cut your finger off

right could mean

that’s a p card that’s the craziest

thing ever the yakuza

will they chop fingers off

why like you fuck up you do something

wrong you have to cut your own finger off

that’s your

that’s your

punishment yeah yeah

that’s one of the punishments did you hear

about the saudis

trying to paralyze some guy yeah

did they go through

with it yeah i don’t know if they’ve gone through

with it i know they’re inquiring on whether or not it

could be done one hospital said they

wouldn’t be if you don’t know the

story this uh

a guy hit a guy with a

shovel is that

what he hit him with i don’t know any details

he assaulted this guy in some way and paralyzed him

and under islamic law

eye for an eye

they literally want to impose the exact same

injury to this guy and do it in a hospital

you know one hospital

is like you can’t paralyze somebody like we can’t

just do that another hospital said it was possible but

they did not have the

conditions available they

would have to go to a much larger hospital

so they probably went to some fucking

goat and donkey infested hospital

with chickens running through the fucking lobby

like would you be willing

to paralyze

someone and they’re like well

maybe we can do it here though do this

again south

central to do it for 100 bucks

would you guys

agree with that though eye for an eye

judgment um

man you know what i

think there’s just a certain amount of

cruelty to that it’s not necessary i

think if you want to show people

that it’s wrong kill the guy

that’s what i

think i think

death penalty is a good thing

but you know

i mean you have to know the circumstances who knows

maybe the other guy’s a dickhead

maybe the other guy

threw a rock

first and then he hit him with a

shovel and paralyzed them yeah we don’t have

enough information yeah

maybe that guy was fucking

tormenting them

you know wouldn’t

leave his kids

alone it was

an asshole kicked his dog and you know it’s

building up over ten fucking years

and finally homeboy had enough and he just

did what he’s supposed to have done a long time ago

crack that motherfucker over the head with a shovel

but unfortunately

his little faggot

ass has to go and get paralyzed

and now my man’s in the pokey and they talking

about paralyzing him too

meanwhile all he was doing

just trying to hold his ground just trying to get by

in this world

you know they

trying to they

should have the three

strike rule like the

first time you do something really really bad they come

they take away your hearing then the

second time they take away your eyesight they

shut off your tongue dude you you

might have just

invented that and that there’s people in iran

right now right that

write it down

before the idea

escapes us into the ether

get that dot com yeah

get the dot com get the dot com

i punish that

never solutions

it’s hilarious that is cheaper

i have a code

account there

which i may not

i don’t know what

accent we were there at the end we went japanese we

started off

we have the

worst fake iranian accent ever

i’m an insult to any impersonator out there

okay joe what can i tell

you man without telling me what do you want to know

about back in the day dude

i want to know

everything you know i’ve been friends with rick for

well a few years

for five years now we’ve gotten

more friendly lately

since he got back from spain yeah

since our kids our

bodies yeah

just really

changed since he

said i became a

pussy settled

in like all the

other pussies out there in the world

no i’m you know for sure

i don’t think you can

understand what it’s like to have children

until you have children

and you know louis

ck said something once

about kids i thought was really interesting

said just let it change you

and i had already like

kind of let it change me before i

heard that but

i was like wow that’s like the best way to describe it

let it change you

you know and when you have kids that’s

that really is what happens like you you all the sudden

first of all the immediately what i

started doing

is looking at people as babies

i looked at everybody

i used to just you

know see a guy

who was 30 and i was like oh here’s a guy

hey buddy what’s up nothing

you know normal but now you feel like the

inner child

yeah but now i

yeah i see the

inner child

i see how he

developed to be that guy you have much more

compassion for people

yeah you know

that’s cool i try to keep as much

compassion as possible

while still

avoiding douchebags that’s my ethic

there’s a certain

point in time

where sometimes

you have to go dude shut the fuck up please

leave me alone i know you were a baby once

no one point in time you innocent little

child somebody fucked your programming up i

understand this

you gotta let me go i got shit i

gotta do you know

that’s right

right i get it

but yeah you have a change of time

so i think everybody does

if you don’t change when you have kids you’re a fool

you’d be crazy too

the worst thing in the

world that you

could ever feel is that

you didn’t do your best when you were raising a kid

that’s gotta be the

worst thing

cause i think

your childhood was fucking

completely bizarre i mean my

childhood was

bizarre on paper

but it wasn’t

bizarre in front of the

whole world

you know and

you became a fucking

superstar when you were a little kid

you’re forty now

right right just

for okay i’m

forty three

so when i saw the

champ i think i was

seven what were you like four no no i was

seven so you were ten

in the champ

really yeah

okay my time run

you’re close but

either way either way

whatever i was

seven or ten i was

fucking crying

like a baby and you are even younger than me then

so when i was a little kid

when i was like

going through

live trying to figure out you know what my parents were

breaking up

going trying to figure out like fuck what is life all

about you were fucking

famous in front of the

whole world

like i couldn’t imagine that

point in my life being famous

that must have been

so strange to develop in that but you’re so normal

well here’s the

thing that’s i

think interesting

about like growing up

famous cause

i became famous when i was like

seven so i don’t have any memory

of life before fame wow

so when that happens and you’re forming and you’re

getting programmed and you’re getting created as a

child right

that’s what becomes normal for you

and so i don’t have any

frame of reference like i wasn’t thirty

and all of a

sudden bam became

famous and i had

thirty years of history

of normal life

so fame is normal for me

so because it’s normal

that means kind of it’s not special

because what’s normal

is right is normal

right so that’s kind of

i think a different unique thing

about being a

child actor like i wasn’t

i saw drew barrymore

last night i went

never heard anybody put it that way before

i went to her premiere last

night she’s kind of done the same thing

and her new

movie and gave her a big hug and kiss i

haven’t seen her in 20 years just grab her ass

and no i just

cute girl though give her hug

give her hug in a case

i’ve known her

since i felt good

i’m twelve come on felt good she was

eight as drew

barrymore we

would dance tom

green not got that you

could get that too kid

yeah yeah she picks the

weirdest guys

which is great i love tom

green yeah i

would do his show no i didn’t he does a show like is he

canadian far more sophisticated

yes he’s canadian

but you can trust him

i saw you trust him he’s one of the good

ones did you see the show where he took

animals into his parents

house and had a zoo

he like fucked a moose on the side of the road he’s a

savage yeah

he’s fucking awesome i love that dude he’s a

really cool guy too he’s got

a show that he’s been doing out of his house

he turned his living room into a

studio where he

broadcasts a live talk show from his living room

and it’s super popular it’s really good

it’s interesting you get to see him

changing and of trying different things

when i got to him he was into the secret

who’s like really that book yeah

he’s like had a copy of it

right there

i mean i don’t even know if he was telling the

truth i believe he was but

it seemed like almost it was like it was like it was

trolling he

was just fucking around pretending to be into the

secret thing

yeah but so drew

the same thing

it’s been a few of us have gone through that

like not many

did you very very few

count on a hand yeah

the percentage

of people who go through that and get lindsay lohan

are like it’s like 95 right

yeah more more than 95 it’s gotta be

what do you

think was the difference with you

oh what’s the difference you know i quit the

partying thing when i was

young and i didn’t continue it like i think

some people do

and you know i had my feud wildly

years between 16 and you know 20

but you know i always kept my kind of

stuff quiet and i

kind of kept it

under the radar and

you know wasn’t really public

about it and then i met that was

cause there was no

tmz yeah there’s no internet

there was no

tmz no one in there son

and so keep

it on the dl when i

was here making it rain

how you ever wonder

when i was twenty i met andrea

and that just kind of

changed my life because

i was a dad at twenty two

oh so that’s a big part of it too responsibility very

early on now did you used to hang out with all

those people back in the data like gary coleman and all

those guys like i like were you like hang with punky

brewster and stuff

yeah yeah i knew everybody there i mean

the different

strokes kids were filming

next door the facts of life girls were across the the

other studio stage

did you guys bang each

other who’s the boss kids

did you guys bang each other

you must have

right yeah for

sure yeah it’s

small wonders

my twirlings

to you stream

crowd you stream

crowd knows what’s up

so yeah there was some

drama going on on set you know i mean there was

i told you a little bit

about the todd bridges

thing yeah todd bridges

we had todd bridges on fear factor

and he had a chip on his shoulder i

mean wasn’t a bad guy but had this thought that

everybody was out to fuck him

yeah everybody like we were fucking

him over like we didn’t want him to win oh i see what’s

up you don’t want me to win i was like too but you

the guy the guy beat you what am i gonna say

right come on

man this is

ridiculous well he’s got a new book out so like you

god bless him i hope he sells it and

stuff but well he just you know

he didn’t my

point is he did not get through it the

way you got through no he was chasing me around with a

pistol full of urine

wow water pistol full of urine

he was yeah i mean

he was pissing a

water pistol

and then just say okay i’m

gonna squirt

this again like

the rest of us

should be throwing

water cups at each

other and crap and he took it to the next

level and just

started squirting with his urine

ran him over with her

train dude he was big and he was older

and we were all scared of todd

how old was he

and we were all like 13 14 and he’s all like

18 19 oh my

god he was 18

and 19 he was pissing in little kids faces yeah

and r kelly was the originator of that he had a porsche

right and so he was racing around the

studio and stuff and

i remember i was 16 and i just got my 944 turbo

and he’s like let me take it for a

drive and i’m like

okay so i gave him the car keys and

he’s like this

thing needs broken and right wow

he just abused my car

he brought it back with you know

bald spots on the top wow wow

and you let him do that well

damn you todd bridges

yeah well todd bridges he wasn’t a bad dude though

he’s just a fucking baby that got

stuck into a

weird situation

dana plato didn’t develop

the other sound

dana plato became a drug addict

right yeah she died in vegas

whoo that’s the

place to die if you’re gonna

die with other

drug addicts

that’s what

the disease seagull finds its flock

can i place it this

quote that i was talking

about earlier oh yeah this is

silver spoons

from i love silver

spoons but this is one of my favorite

quotes and it’s so

weird to listen to

right now listen listen

it’s like a recording

yeah this is crazy

see computers are the way for the future

people already playing video games on them

someday people can do all

their backing with computers or

shopping with computers

someday almost

everything’s gonna be done by a computer

what that’s nice but

we need special stories at the pepper

like can you muscle me and bucks with this thing

that was arnold jackson trying to talk

steal money that’s me and garrett coleman

so listen to what you were saying man

you were saying that like what was that nineteen eighty

three that was

season one three eighty two you

what you lost you

what you doing you got done just

shut the power off

i’m back anyway

you you it’s like so you

how did they fucking predict that so well

it’s kind of creepy i know

did you guys get like computer some like

steve jobs or

stuff that they

like because that whole show is

about computers

did you have like the inside word were you like

are you a profit yeah

no i don’t know your mormon you

would be a profit

video games man on set and

stuff so i don’t know

about the computer thing

you know as a kid how

crazy you were

like you were like kid porn for us you were like

dude he has a packing machine he has a

train he’s got

you know you

had every single toy in the

world it was like

we idolized you as kids at our

age group i’m 36 so it’s like

i had a duck

phone i had like

remote control for my

with mr and

gray man if there was a tmz back

aaron gray what

would they have caught you doing

what would they’ve come to do

would you be popping bottles hanging out of

hotel roosevelt

with alfonso and corey haim and corey feldman

whoa back in 1986

though 87 hotel

roosevelt wasn’t nice

really it was a dive

wow what was back then

was a dive club

hollywood you remember club hotel

super cool remember

remember hearing

about club hollywood you know back in the day like

team bop magazines

of hollywood

that was that

that’s so weird man

corey hames dead yeah

nobody saw that coming yeah

so how weird is it that there’s

these kids that

that grew up

with you that didn’t make it through the net how

weird is that to watch

um yeah it’s

i feel really bad for the like when you see kid

like corey haim that you knew when he was a little kid

yeah he was so good too you know dude when he was

the two of them were was that fucking

vampire movie

lost boys lost

boys they were good in

those movies yeah

he was a good actor

yeah so you must have hung over

phoenix michael jackson

and what did he

taste like you remember that kid

river phoenix

yeah i mean he was a real

talent you know fuck that was crazy

dying on sunset

strip you know

what about michael jackson

that used to hang out with him

michael jackson

visited the set of silver spoons wow

what was that like he was friends with alfonso

who was my buddy on silver

spoons you know alfonso yeah

yeah okay who was on the

fresh prince right

after silver

spoon and what’s his last name

again robert

barrow alfonso

so yeah he came to

visit one day and michael jackson and

hang out with alfonso cause

from the commercial

that was when he was the biggest star

ever planet ever

huge yeah huge it was

that was to tell

about my book

that was like

three made me very uncomfortable oh really he’s

bullshitting he’s michael jackson estate

calm the lawyers down

do you think you fuck kids

um yeah you must have

heard stories

i don’t know

about anal but i

i think it might be

it might have been some inappropriate

stuff if i had to

guess like some hand job to

you aside and was like don’t go over

really i heard so many

rumors about michael jackson and why he’s

you know why he was the way he was

yeah but you were actually there

what was he like like

he was very kind

i wanted to i mean alphonse went to the universal

amp theater wants to see him play and we went into his

this was like billie jean

times yeah this is the time so she caught top of the

planet through

this planet you know

the universe

and so we’re hanging out in his trailer and

you know just hanging out really nice quiet shy guy

and so i’m like 16 17 i said michael

what’s you know how did you make it from a kid actor

to an adult

like this you know how did you survive because

i was kind of in the middle of

transitioning from a kid to an adult and

he said you know the

trick was being

inspired ricky because

i had to be inspired to keep it up

and i had to find

stuff that i wanted to work on and wanted to do

and you know i kind of took that advice to

heart you know

but no nothing ever

inappropriate and he

started kissing her nipples nothing inappropriate

happened with me

or that i know of

he’s such an odd

he was such an odd guy just even the way his voice was

and it was very strange that that’s a man’s

voice just such an odd character

you know but

never been a guy who

would so much to get out i mean we talked

about it last week in the podcast like how

crazy was watching him dance

it’s like nobody

ever did anything like that before like the even though

the way elvis

did but he did in a different way

he took michael

jackson’s he had

a weird thing about

sammy davis

he took some from brown

jim brown i mean

james brown

james brown

we watched that

on the podcast a couple weeks ago the opening in zaire

james brown was like manly

the way james

brown was like

it was like more like a

you know what i’m saying

the way that

michael jackson

did it is more like this gliding almost like

alien type character

it’s moving around in perfect

synchronicity it was like the more of a

there was more of a

perfection to michael jackson’s movements

whereas like

james brown was more of

a raw sexuality you know

i had the jet michael jackson jacket do you remember oh

totally the generic

one though i couldn’t

my family couldn’t afford the real ones we got the

generic one at this

store called gold circle

it looked exactly the same

but there was like some kind of tag the real one had

and immediately everyone’s like fake oh

yeah people had fake

things fake members only

i had a fake eyes odd

it wasn’t a crocodiles like something else

right fuck such a lizard

never crocodile

that’s a weird

thing with kids

right yeah they

the need for

brand name shit umbros

spelled with a q

what is that

remember those umbro shirts

shorts used

to be real popular back in the day

same thing they have generic

brands i was like

cuombo tell me

this you wanna talk

about popularity you have

young kids yeah how the fuck is that sagging

thing still in

how the fuck are people

sagging their pants

still it’s just like wearing pajamas

well actually it’s not no they’re pulling

their pants

to half their ass

half their ass and then they’re pulling

their belt on so

their pants stay on

is it to show you like how good they

clean tight jeans

tight jeans

now is back

no dude i’m

telling you but

whatever is back for

tight jeans not not in

style what people are doing

those kids are

still sagging everywhere

everywhere i go i’m meeting kids in the crotch of their

pants is by

their knee and they can’t even fucking walk why are you

laughing joe

what’s gonna end

it’s gonna end i don’t

think it’s gonna

end that’s what i’m telling you this has been around

since i was in high school

and it was one of

those things

where i thought okay

this is bell bottom

jeans this is fucking wearing a visor

this shit is

gonna go away

you know it was back

like i don’t

know people fucking sag

i remember parachute pants

or something

maybe it’s comfortable it wasn’t as many

but it was still

it was like it

it came from prison

though the whole

thing comes from

when you go

to prison they take away your belt so you can’t

choke yourself to death

well you don’t have a weapon either

so your pants are sagging off

and you’re losing weight

because you’re not eating as much as you were when you

first got it

yeah probably or you’re

eating more dick yeah you’re getting that haydes food

anyway that

would suck being in prison

what’s a webster

story what could be worse than getting your freedom

taken away i know i

think i’d rather be dead

what’s amazing

is all the different shit they can put webster

for you know

so the webster story so

so i’m you know at one of these

network junkets

where you go to promote your show and stuff

and all the

other actors and cast are there from the shows and

this little

man black kid this tall is just cute as

could be man is like

i put him on my knee and i

started just playing with him and bounce him around and

he was giggling and

laughing and having a good time and then like

you know i liked kids i’ve always liked kids so i

laid the kid back and i blew like

like in his neck

zerbert zerbert

that’s what bill calls it bill cos

i blew him a couple zerberts and he’s like giggling

like a little like a little four year old right and

i put him away and let

go ahead now you i’m done playing with you

and somebody comes over and says you know he’s sixteen

no no we were

the same age

we were the

same age man oh my

god and he didn’t say anything he just

laughed oh my god

that’s the best

story ever oh my holy

shit you fucking gave the sixteen year old

webster as zerber oh my god

on a one listen

now on a one to ten what was the embarrassment

level when you

found out he was your

age it was it was you i feel really

what did you

think i feel bad

gross oh my god gross

did you apologize to him no i oh my god

oh my god you didn’t even apologize

was he really

laughing that when you did it or was he like

giggling like if we

had to go back and do it again today would you

would you apologize

would i apologize no i just wouldn’t apologize still

too bad too bad there’s no cell

phone cameras

back then can you imagine somebody filming that

dude melissa gilbert was

teaching me to juggle that day too

i looked at a jug

how okay how big was it

he was i thought he was

like four five i thought it was just like a little kid

you know if we can get him can we

film and recreate it

reenact it what exactly happened with you yeah awesome

i met him once of the comedy stories are very nice guy

really nice guy wow

he’s very friendly

was he a nice guy

yeah he was fine he was well you guys would

get off a lot bad start

giggle a lot it tasted like sugar

yeah what did he

taste like remember what he tasted like

it taste like honey

it’s old spice

i only feel bad when i found out how old it was

why does this baby smell like old spice

why is this baby got fucking stubble

baby’s got razor stubble and a tattoo

baby’s got a heart on what the fuck michael jackson’s

glove on his ass

could you imagine

how do you know him well do you know when the

first time he got laid

you know man you

lose no i don’t know well

the gary coleman

story was fascinating he was like forty

virgin led yeah

virgins probably talk bridges wasn’t it

he should have taken that money if i was his advisor

okay and i would say i

would say let’s let’s get rid of the showbiz

aspirations let’s just let it go

we got about fifty

grand the bank i think it’s time to move thailand

it’s time to go thailand

thailand your celebrity

okay you still got

fifty grand will go a long goddamn way

get you get yourself a nice girl

settle down the jungle

learn some learn some muay thai

go fishing okay america’s not for you son you’re

gonna get some fucking

that the chick that did

marry him did you ever see the chicken married him

yeah she took pictures on his deathbed

when she was like

that’s so rough

like just get like a

self porch and he’s fucked up with pipes

tubes coming out of

oh it’s beyond

gross it’s it

it’s one of the darkest pictures

and that’s saying a lot that i

think i’ve ever seen

on the internet it’s true one of the darkest pictures

because it’s just like

there’s such

a lack of love and respect and there’s a lack of

remorse and

she’s not sad that he’s

dying or if she is it’s not that sad

terrible i don’t know i mean who knows how he

treated her you know

of course he

treated like shit

he probably yelled at everybody but you know the guys

again he was born fucked up

yeah could you imagine just

going through life

going there’s no way to fix this

and he was so talented though

when he was a kid

i mean he was amazing if you go back and

watch what do you do if you associate

a guy like that that’s what the hard part is

you know how do you transition

from being you know i mean it’s really

i guess if you

could write your own shit if you

could write your own

thing that’s really good

about a guy who’s in your situation

you know then you

could come up with some sort of a show as an adult

you know it’s possible

right yeah yeah i mean but you got to adapt and

morph and change and

grow at the times and that’s i

think what happens to a lot of

child actors they kind of don’t and

they also you know

they’re used to

being treated

a certain way and getting certain big paydays and

certain big

checks and when they

when it’s time to humble

yourself and just sort of

start working

again for less

or you know

start doing

things that you may not really like

their egos are too big

so you gotta stay humble

i think that’s the one of the

biggest and

aaron gray helps

doesn’t she

aaron grace

how hard is it to be able

to stay humble that is the most hard

thing right to stay

humble the most

confusing thing is when

you know that you’re just a normal person but everybody

treats you like you’re special

because you’re a star

like when you’re

on a set if you’re on a set like a sitcom

it’s so easy to lose your head

because everyone’s kissing your ass

and all the network

people are all walking on eggshells around you and

they want to be really friendly with you and everybody

wants to be nice to you and everyone’s got a big smile

and the show’s doing well everyone’s got a big smile

when kisses your ass it’s like you live in some

weird and then you had a

count and you

got a lawyer that kisses your ass and you publicist

that kisses your ass and

manager and all

these people that you’re employing that are

kind of kissing your ass

that’s why it’s important

you know just to have real people around it’s very

hard to pull off for some people it’s very hard to get

yourself out of that

that spiral

of confusion

your identity confusion like who the fuck

am i yeah but my friends were always outside hollywood

that’s important that’s the most important

my friends were

always just

you know guys that were farmers or

ranchers or hunters or did you just go knock

on the door

hey i’m rick schroeder and i’m looking for you

fellow hunters

wanna play my

video game let me

be your friend

i like frogger i got one in my

house what’s up son

how you proud of dragon’s lair

dragons are on set

you did yeah

dragon slayer was the one

where was a cartoon cartoon

and then you did the right

thing what was the lead characters named

dirt daring

love that that game

would suck your

money i remember i go to west when i was a kid

and i bring like

forty dollars a quarters

right and just sit there and play all

night until i was sweating

and that in mach

3 remember that one

where it was like real jet footage

where it looked like you’re a plane

and you were like

shooting down things

i remember a lot of those mach

three really remember dragon’s lair

that was the best

call of duty is my game now

totally can

i fucking i

play so much

dude when you go through the airport at that one

you know you just

start malling people at the airport

have you played i like to play


oh dude you

gotta do online

no i’ve done the campaign

but i like to play online

against other

people do it

i get addicted you

get addicted i get addicted bad do you play with the

xbox or the playstation i have both

but is that

what you do with console it’s a console console xbox

but i usually

i like pc games i like

with keyboard and

mouse you have much more control

i like first person

shooters i like playing like duels

dude you would love call of duty

fucking freak out right

he just remembers

quake can you imagine going to

quake the call of duty

that’s crazy

i have that showing is a

real addiction

i have a real addiction to games

no it’s quake

quake online

stills the best game

literally 40

40 is the cut off

literally i

found out for what

for like the

video game junkies

oh that’s nonsense listen man

do whatever

the fuck you want you’re not

no one is making

the rules no one’s making the rules you do what you

enjoy doing all

right this is all nonsense you’re

gonna be dead someday

do what you like now don’t do what you like because

you want to pretend to like you because

other people

think you’re sophisticated then you’re

gonna wind up

going to fucking

musicals and shit you know

do what you like

video games are way better than

musicals okay

video games are fun as fuck it

doesn’t matter if you’re 80 years old if you fucking

get some stereo headphones

get a good fast

cable internet line get online play some

quake holy shit

people coming out of the left side and the right side

rockets are flying

at you and you fucking

mowing people down with a

lightning gun

quick i don’t know

you never heard a

quickness you’re showing your age son

shit’s ridiculous

joe i know you

but if you played this game you play on the computer

you can play it on the computer imagine

that times 50 billion well what is okay

well tell me why so

great the graphics one

incredible blow your mind and the weapons

the weapons will blow your mind playing with like

fifty other people at once will blow your mind

and you can hide in trees be a sniper if you want

you know scared

scared yeah

you should you should

take a week off i had a friend that lost his mind once

he was an actor he lost his mind once and this dude had

never been in the military

and called me up to goes

if everything

doesn’t fucking pick up i’m

think i’m just

gonna go to a rackage

are killing people

wow and i’m like what

i go what are you talking about

he’s like you know what man fuck it at this

point my life i’m

ready to join the


okay i can’t

talk to you anymore i stopped talking to him

the last time i talked to him

black one like

i wonder if this dude has just been playing a lot of

video games and it’s like

and he’s like you know fuck it i’ll just get a

good fucking

get fragged

just go over there and end it all

i wonder you know

huh what is it

about i mean do you

think people get desensitized playing

video games to the idea of real war for sure

definitely that for sure

but i don’t

think i make

sense change

their mind like killing people make

has like totally fake

like movement

like the the the physics of the game are not

human physics like you

jump further than you

could ever really jump

right it’s all about

jumping you killing strafe

jump you strafe

jump and you can you really jumping sideways

and you can rocket jump

especially play rocket

arena this the physics are just

crazy wild nutty physics right

i think your games are like more realistic yeah

i’m not interested in that but

you would be

i want to catch a dude in midair with a railgun

i’m talking about yeah

makes a jump i bet

you boom i bet

you if we get it

here and we hook up our computers together

i bet in within an hour

you would be fucking like

joe it’s crazy man

if you shoot somebody

through your head man like the

whole wall behind you

would splatter with blood

and and in the game and the wall will

start to i might

just have to pull out my

flashlight right then and there

if someone’s fucking head exposed behind them i

might just i

might get a viking horn

fucking my flashlight and blowing my horn uh huh

god damn his head exploded

oh it’s splattered against the wall

that’s gotta be satisfying if you’re a bad guy

and you shoot somebody in their

brain splatter against the wall

that’s gotta be upset i mean

you know it’s not there’s no positive carmen murder

but you know you get an a for artistic effect

boom have you been to

i went to the new york

and was doing nypd blue and i went

to do research with some cops there on how to be a cop

and they took me to the morgue

have you ever been to a morgue no

you want something intense they had a wall

like the size of that wall

with polaroids over probably the last 30 years

of the most gruesome

wow killings you’ve ever seen i remember one joe

the guy had put a double barreled shotgun in his

mouth and pulled the trigger

and his head had split perfectly down the middle

and there was one on each shoulder

his head was split and

laying on the shoulder one on each shoulder

like perfect

and it was unbelievable but

anyway um yeah it

should have tweeted those you need a twitter

unbelievable photographs god damn

it was just one this girl we want this one crime scene

the guys didn’t

want to pay this prostitute for the tossed off the roof

bounced off the air conditioners thirteen

floors down oh my god

crazy stuff like that oh my

god real stuff

frigidaire they didn’t want to pay a prostitute so they

threw her out the window oh my

god thirteen yeah thirteen you

can see the

blood smears

like a double

offense against humanity

i mean think

about like how empty

you have to be

to first of all

you’re not just

getting this prostitute that you don’t give a fuck

about but you’re

gonna kill her rather than pay her

yes crazy you’ve

taken someone’s

child and you fucked her

and then you decide you don’t you don’t you’re

worth you’re

worth less than nothing

worth less than nothing row you out the window

and have you die a slow

horrible dead

bouncing off fucking shit on the way down

there’s some animals out there man

it’s chilling

you know one of the

things that i’ve always said

about the internet

that is good is the internet

allows you to see

these things without coming into contact with

these people

i mean normally if you want to get

that kind of an

image and that kind of a visual

you have to either go on

patrol with cops or you have to you know someone has to

bring or you get unfortunate you see it you know

against your will but

is it because the internet you can go and find the shit

out and and see it from the comfort of your own home

and just know okay now i know this shit exist

yeah i know there’s somebody like that out there

cause you in

you run through your normal life you’re not

gonna meet somebody want to blow

his fucking

brains out with a

short blow your

brains out with a shotgun

you need to know there’s guys i got out there right

you know i was

accomplished in a movie

and 18 years old 19 years old brad pitts in the

movie were played runners together this

movie called across the tracks

so i think you know when you’re eighteen you’re

tough so i’m in my porsche

so i’m driving around compton

i stopped at a hamburger

price stop at a hamburger joint this nineteen eighty

eight the crack wars no

crack wars are

going on you were driving

around compton in a porsche in nineteen eighty eight

looking like nwa

this is nwa

days right like yeah

so you’re eighteen you look at your twelve

i look like i’m

14 yet and you step out of a badass fucking car so step

out of badass cheeseburgers

bitch i start

ordering cheeseburger

and this really nice dude comes up to me

black guy and he’s like

you know what’s up

ricky silver

spoons love it man love you and

these really nice

black people always love me

i don’t know why but they really dug silver spoons

so anyway so we’re talking a few minutes

later i go back

because it was the original

mtv cribs i go to back to check

i go back to

check on my car and there’s

three guys in my car

in your car

i didn’t turn the alarm on

my doors are

open my hatches open and they’re pulling the cd

change you remember

back in the day they had like an 80s

cd change was out

so they ripped that out

oh my god now they’re working on my blah punk

on my radio

switch screwdrivers

and so i ran over and they were like

cracked out people

and i said get out of my car get out of my car again

they didn’t even look at me

they like glanced at me and looked

went back to work what

wow literally

that was oh my god

there was nothing i

could do what the fuck was

going through your head you

were helpless

i’m 18 years old

and they’re ripping my blob

on guy with

their with their

screw you don’t have a cell

phone back to any

and you page somebody

no so the guy that was i was in line with

ordering hamburger cheeseburger

really nice guy

he comes around

the corner and he sees my predicament and he goes

ricky what’s

going on i go

these guys ripping my

stuff off and he goes okay i’ll help you hold on

and i watch him go to his truck and

his car he opens the

trunk and he pulls out a shotgun this big

wow with a pistol grip

and he runs up to my car and he

pointed at the

guys in my car and he says get out of the

motherfucker’s car i’m

gonna kill you

and all those guys got

right out of the my car man wow oh my god

i got my car and he said

ricky you better

get out of here you don’t belong around here

imagine that was on youtube

see that’s the kind of shit that needs to be

on youtube wow i

never step foot off the set

again in compton

oh my god holy shit

so they just looked up and

went right back to work yeah

just looked at me

went back to it christ

but that one guy

saved my ass man

yeah that guy did i wonder if he

saved my ass

no he was a gang

member there’s a

world he had

that little shotgun he was a gangbanger there’s a

world of like criminals that if you’re not from the

world of criminals

and somehow now that you fall into the

world of criminals

just accidentally if you stumble into it

like i did yeah you’re fucked me

you don’t understand how

everything is working

yeah the world

of criminals does not work anything like the regular

world of society

no when i was

when i was 21 years old when

i was i guess i was like 23 or 24

i moved to new york from boston

and i started hanging

around with this dude who was a homeless pool hustler

and he was a really

smart guy one of

he became my best friend did he

teach you a lot of pool

cause yeah yeah joe

was great at pool man

you played him

yeah it’s not fair he’s like

playing quake with

him he killed me

and i’m pretty

i’m not bad but

he plays good he plays good

i got a sickness for games and

right now the way

i play pool is nothing like the way i used to play pool

i used to play pool for

eight 10 hours a day

i played it all the time

but i went from

living in suburban boston newton massachusetts to

just mostly doing taekwondo

and competing in tournaments

that’s all i did

throughout my

childhood and

then i went from that to living in new york

and not being around any of the same people and then

hanging out with his homeless pool costler character

and then finding myself in these

fucked up situations with

crazy people like i’m taking him to buy

crack at fucking

three o’clock in the morning

and he’s got

and we’re in harlem and he’s got to like go into this

place i got the

wrong door i want to find the

right place he was

i fucked up

and i was like what am i doing here and then

there was a realization that if i got

busted if we got pulled over when he was making a bust

they would take my car

you know i’m

helping him but i like the guy but i was like

completely out of my element

i was like wow this is a creepy fucking

world that i’m into all of a

sudden i’m into

this weird cracked out you know same

thing happened to me

against what happened to you

this girl used to date her roommate

light crack and so

she’s like will you come with me and him because

his car is broke we need to drive

i’m like okay what are we doing he’s like oh

he’s going to a friend he’s

gonna pick up some

shit and i thought they were just talking about weed

so i get into this

i walk into this

house with these people

and they’re like

get in the basement

get in the basement and it’s a

crack house i didn’t even realize it was a

crack house

so i go downstairs and there’s people like

crack everywhere and there’s just a person at this

table and i’m sitting there

thinking all

right i’m the only

white guy here

except for my girlfriend

and two this is a

crack house and

this is what the fuck am i doing there

of course nothing happened

but i just remembered i was like what it

could have i was

like that’s the end of this hanging out with this girl

remember new jack

city remember

new jack city you got the titties hanging out

remember when they had the

crack factoring

that shit was really going on

places right yeah

they were pretty far


crack this fucky

what was his name

pookie pookie

that was a great movie

fuck drugs are

scary as fuck yeah that’s the scariest

people think that i’m like pro drugs

cause i’m pro marijuana and pro


but i’m pro nothing that they get addicted to

and nothing that can kill you

you know there’s

shit that you

should totally avoid

i tell you one try adderall though

yeah well according to

aria it makes a

good house i

wanna try it

aria hasn’t

cleaned his

house in forever

i’ve gotten one adderall and

half of one adderall and he

cleaned his

whole entire

place from like

amazing like he

found traffic keepers from

12 years ago with the incredible hulk on it because

you know from

a middle school kid that

he kidnapped or something wow

adderall is supposed to be really

powerful shit

robert etkimo

told me he took it accidentally once

ecstasy have you ever

tried that yeah

i’m not really a fan of that i’ve

never tried it i

learned a lot when i did ecstasy

i had a very

powerful positive

experience i

learned a lot from it

but i wouldn’t do it again

i did not like the way it made my

brain feel the next day my

brain was very dull

and it felt like

the way i described it i felt like a

sponge where like most of the

water had been rung out of it it just wasn’t working

right i couldn’t make


right i was in a

like a starbucks

and i was reading a

magazine the next day i was reading a boxing

magazine i couldn’t read the

magazine i couldn’t read it it was a

story i wanted to hear about

i’ve always been a boxing fan

i’m reading this

matchup and

i couldn’t read it i couldn’t put the words together

and i was like

fuck i can’t read

okay whatever i did last

night to have this

fucking loving

you know everybody’s

cool let’s all be friends in this beautiful positive


experience the next day like you pay for that

shit you paid for it

i paid for it

i was like okay i paid once i’m not paying again

i know there’s some shit that

doesn’t do that i know that

it was a positive

experience for me i realized

you realize when you do

ecstasy a lot of what is possible if everybody

dropped the bullshit

you realize

how beautiful life

would be if everybody was

super friendly and

happy to see each other

it would be way more

fun and way more

enjoyable than it is right now

and you realize that you can do your part to kind of

make it lean in that direction

so i think in that way it was very positive

but i think

the elevated

levels of brain hormones

that you give yourself when you take that stuff

there’s a deficit like you go up so then it

crashes and then you don’t have any left

and then your

brain is just like all shitty and fucked up

until it replenishes

everything on its own

i don’t think that’s

smart i don’t

think you should fuck with that there’s

other stuff that

doesn’t do that mushrooms don’t do that yeah

i’m scared to take

strums again i want to so bad but the last time i ship

for like six

hours straight on shrooms and it was the most craziest


worst you know hanging out in the bathroom

should you say shit yeah

sometimes they make you shit because

it’s like you’re eating mushrooms you’re eating poison

well you have

it’s not poison but they do have bacteria

sometimes they do have a lot of them have fungus on

right i’ve heard of

throwing up but not yeah

a lot of people throw up

some people trippy

to some people

throw up and that’s when it really kicks in

which is really kind of strange

dude you were

shit tripping i

remember looking at the ground was like a

checkered pattern i remember the

checkers are

going up and down kind of like text

tetris or something like that like i saw like the

my heartbeat

in the floor and it was

while i’m shitting my

brains out the

crazy thing

about the mushroom

experience is

individuals the

crazy thing is

the feeling that you get like you kind of get it now

and it’s this

fleeting feeling

you know it’s like

while you’re on

the mushrooms you like you get it it all seems to make

sense it all seems to fall into place

it’s like there’s a

familiar yeah familiar but it’s also this like this

enhanced level

of understanding it’s like all the bullshit that’s

going on in your head

all the insecurities all the

false assumptions all the

things that are just like

tripping up the way you think

they all get pushed to the side

and the lights all get turned on you know that’s what

my experiences have been on mushrooms but no paranoia

no mushrooms

had it all the time paranoia

every six times maybe

mushrooms are

annoyed and anxiety and

fucking bad trips and shitting myself well it’s i

think it’s when you try to control it

it’s very humbling sometimes i

think it’s just too

strong or too

like you said

different molds and

stuff so you’re getting

reacts into

a mold yeah you

don’t know who the fuck’s growing your mushrooms too

right or making your lsd

you know some people like you hear stories of like

crazy lsd makers i don’t know

what the fuck they’re doing and you’re just pretty much

fucking your

brain up here’s a

story rick that you

think was fascinating we’ve talked

about this before in the show

the cia used to do

experiments on american

civilians in the 1950s

against their will

we did a thing called operation midnight climax

where the cia

owned a brothel in san francisco and in new york

and they got

these guys are

going to get

laid and they dosed them up with acid and ran

tests on them

that’s how the cia

totally true

can we make that into a

movie fuck let’s do

it son we’re

going to work together seriously

what research

you saw in here

ladies and gentlemen

this is the beginning

what research do you have

a ricky joey


really no it’s true it’s operation midnight

climax it’s the freedom of information act they release

these documents

to see i a random

yeah let’s do it

it’s real shit’s

crazy i know right

look someone needs to do a documentary

on acid because people don’t realize it because it was

squashed out they

threw so much

water in the fire we don’t

all died out so

quickly we all don’t realize people live today

in 2010 what an impact acid had on the culture

of the 1960s

i mean people really were convinced that we’re all one

the flower movement of san francisco the flower

power movement

those people are all an acid what

about disney

can he see i don’t know what

about what about i

heard disney did that stuff

oh a lot of people have done acid i’m

sure he probably did it how the fuck do you call that a

crazy mouse

unless you’re doing acid it’s possible

who knows i mean you

might not have but i

think a lot of people did it because

there were so many people doing it so many people

reporting all

these positive

experiences on it that

all these rich

powerful people anyone in a position that

would get in contact with

these people that are doing it

these artists they

would want to try it

you know ken kesey

and timothy

leary and all

those guys and terrence mckenna

all those dudes that are

doing acid back then

they all wanted

other people to do it

mushrooms between

acid and mushrooms what’s the difference is

man lsd yeah it’s man made i mean it does

exist what’s the difference it

exists actually

in seeds of some

plants a hawaiian

baby woodrose i

think has it in it

or it has a similar

compound in it and there’s another one in morning

glory seeds

morning glory seeds

has like a natural form of lsd you can buy morning

glory seeds

and you do something to them there’s like

directions how to do it online you make like pour acid

on it no no

you like cook them or something

and then you eat them and you trip your fucking

balls off terrence mckenna said that his

first psychedelic

experience was morning

glory seeds

and then he had all this

aztec imagery

he was looking at

fucking mayan temples and shit through the

clouds i heard that with

a lot of things like banana peels licking frogs

no no no but this is real

but isn’t the banana peel

thing right no

no banana peel’s not real

no frogs are real

there’s certain frogs that produce ma5mao

dmt yeah they sell

them on ebay i remember a long time ago i was actually

gonna buy one just

to experiment with they say

do you know how to do it

huh yeah there’s a

whole website devoted to it show you how to do it yeah

i didn’t say that

what i heard is that you have to like

make you rub them on

glass and then

their excretions are on the

glass and then you dry the excretions in the sun

and then you

scrape it off and smoke it

is that what you

gotta do probably something like that

i didn’t actually do it oh no no

i talked to the

breeder and he was just like i’m

gonna have a new

batch soon i was

gonna buy like

three of them

but then i was like what am i doing i’m so stoned

i’m buying frogs off ebay buying

frogs to trip

the fuck out

that five meo

experience is

five meo is

still legal

that’s one of the

weird things when i

first did five meo we

ordered it online

five meo dmt

one of the most

potent than regular dmt

psychedelic drug

and you can just

order it online you can get like a

vat of it and just

smoke your fucking brains out

you know it’s way more

powerful than mushrooms way more

powerful than pot and you

could order it online

you ever candy

flipped that’s

where they take

ecstasy and put on one side is

ecstasy on the

other side is lsd

oh my god what are you doing your

brain so candy

flipping fuck

i can’t handle that

i’d see that goes into

those weird

lose your mind forever

you know trips

i blame the grateful dead

and all that shit

do you think you lost some

brain cells directly

but you know i

think i lost most

brain cells with that one

story i told you

about where i rented this

apartment and then my heat

ended up being carbon dioxide from the gas furnace

blowing on me for two years or a year oh that’s right

i found out the day i’m moving out and

guys like you know

checking over my room make sure i didn’t

destroy it and goes what the fuck why is that uncovered

i’m like what that’s my heat and

it was the gas outtake for the gas furnace

this is carbon dioxide you

could have died oh

there’s many

nights where me and this girl be like

and i’m like okay

luckily it was such an old

house it was

drafty so it wasn’t like airtight or something

dude you were getting poisoned

right i think that did the most damage i

total wasn’t

that one wasn’t that long it was like actually like

eight months or something like that

you open a different person yeah

i totally looking back at that i think i

definitely got some

brain damage mostly with speech

i think you

speech yeah i feel like stuttery

since then oh my

god and i just i

should totally sue this

place but now it’s like what 12 years

later dude fucking

sue maybe the guy hit the lottery

since then and now

you don’t know

you could get paid son i

know who cares go get yours so it made you stutter

yeah kind of i

think from that that’s what i remember

the most shit

well that one

famous tennis player died like that

vedas gerulitis

how did he die in the in

his room by carbon monoxide poisoning from the heater

just a couple years ago

not too long

more reason to live somewhere

where there’s no heat bitch

and have electric cars

how often you need to eat in

california down here

it’s so hot it’s hot as fuck

but what is better hot as fuck or dry

black ice you know that scares

the shit i like hot as fuck i like

hot as fuck

hot as fuck

to me is better than you can’t control your car

cause the fucking the whole

highway becomes

an ice skating

rink that’s happened to me many times in boston

i fucking hate this when i grew up in boston

i drove every day

because i delivered newspapers when i was

fighting doing taekwondo to make

money i would deliver newspapers during the day

then i would

teach classes and

train and then i

would go and compete

so when i would get up in the morning

every morning at 5 am a lot of times

nobody had plowed nobody had done shit

and i would just be on just

i learned how to drive on

skating it was like a rink

like i would

slide around corners sideways on purpose

cause nobody was around like i knew how to handle it

after a while

but you boston bruins here

no i don’t really like

sports you didn’t like

sports yeah

i got bored with

sports when i was young

the moment i started

like doing martial arts i thought

sports were

stupid taekwondo what’s the difference between that and

jiu jitsu taekwondo

is a striking art it’s kicking

kicking kicking and

punching but mostly kicking

that’s what i

that’s what

he does throw

most of my life judo is

throwing yeah we talked

about that last

night i told

ricky how to kill somebody with a

leather jacket just

put your hand

under here i’m telling him that

if a dude does

not understand jiu jitsu

and he’s an

asshole and he has a jacket on that’s why it’s good to

learn the gi

learn how to use the gi in jiu jitsu

because you know a lot of times people wearing clothes

and if some guy is attacking you and he’s got a

leather jacket

on all you have to do is get your hand up in there

under get your

hand on that collar

under here deep in

that collar on his neck and he’s a dead man you’re dead

sounding because i’m

gonna connect on the

other side you

go oh nighty

nighty nighty

that’s all i need to know

i need to know that i’ll

teach you that environment i’ll teach you that room

and then you just fuck with skiers all day bitch

come up here with them big

shoes on bitch

hang out snow lab just

but judo is the scariest

thing if a guy’s got clothes on if a

guy you getting there with like some

fucking jimmy pedro type character some you know

olympic judoka

you grab a hold of your

clothes man you’re going sailing through the air

and coming down on your fucking head on the concrete

it’s that’s no joke man is karate

pretty useless nowadays no

no karate’s

definitely not useless there’s a lot of take if you get

blacked out in karate

though no it

depends on who you’re getting it from and there’s a

ton of different

styles of karate

and even within those

styles there’s

there’s instructors that are much more

they’re much more pure with

their technique they’re better

they’ve competed in like international

world tournaments and

you’re always

going to get

levels there’s karate

guys like machida

cheetah is a bad

motherfucker and his base is karate

and he does the best

things about karate

he’s got a wide

stance he stays back on the outside he

counter attacks

he knows how to leap in and leap out very difficult

the time because of that and very good at like

leaping it almost like a fencer and tagging people he

fucks people up man and that’s karate he’s

using for real

but he’s excellent at it that’s the thing

it’s like karate is not the

best martial art but if you get really good at karate

and then learn the

other shit you

learn muay thai how to

check kicks how to

throw knees how to

take a guy down and

choke him you

learn some jiu

jitsu techniques fireballs

fireball i almost

said fatality

if you learn all that

stuff you can add to it but

the thing about like karate

that makes it interesting is that not

that many people are doing it

so if you get a guy who’s a really good like

really good like

like there’s a

bunch of different styles but

kyokoshin is

one that’s a real good one and shoto khan’s another one

the shotokan guys

tend to be more like leap in and like drunken

drunken monkey

style yeah that shit’s awesome

yeah drunken

monkey kung

fu that’s real that shit dude well the chinese

tried everything man you know

they tried all kinds of different fucking

animal forms and grasshopper and attack like a praying

mantis and fucking poke you with your fingers and shit

chinese were like the most

innovative coming up with different techniques for

fighting what

about does old

school wrestling like

you know roman greck

and greco greco

roman greco

roman wrestling

that like jiu

jitsu though

well it is in the fact

that it’s grappling

it’s it is in the fact that you’re you know you’re

still controlling a person’s body

but the intent is different but there was no end

point it’s back

well it is they

beat the fuck out of you once they hold you down the

thing about a

wrestler is

once they get you on your back you’re fucked

you know they’re used to their

whole life has been

dedicated to holding guys down and putting

their shoulders to

getting them yeah

so when they get on top of you and they’re

punching you they’re holding you down and they’re

punching you and they’re beating the fuck out of you

some of the most dangerous

fighters in the world are

wrestlers because of the fact they have the ability to

dictate where

the fight takes place if

they decide to take you down they take you down

and if you want

to take them down you can’t they’re better at

wrestling than you

so you’re fucked so you have to do what they want to do

if he wants to

fight on the ground you have to

fight on the ground

it’s a huge advantage so wrestling

has a big part

shoot yeah he’s a wrestler yes definitely

wrestling’s a big part of mma

and brock lesnar

was a wrestler wrestler

yeah it’s his number one skill

brock is learning submissions he’s getting better at

submissions he’s a incredible athlete

he’s learning

striking he’s getting better at it but his number one

skills wrestling number one for sure

well so he’s

really good he’s really good at taking guys down so big

powerful fucking athletic guy

who’s got excellent

wrestling technique

he’s learning all the

other stuff

wrestling is number one that’s the base

the base it

sounds like yeah you just gotta

understand jujutsu so you don’t get

trapped you don’t get caught in certain techniques

cause some guys are fucking dangerous off

their back like

eddie eddie’s very dangerous off his back yeah

whenever i roll with

eddie i only roll with him like

you know not that often but

every time i

think i’m safe

when he’s on his back

and he catches me with something

it’s like his legs are so dexterous he

really knows the the insides and outsides of each and

every position

but a lot of guys don’t

have that you know there’s only a few like febreci

over doom the guy just tapped out fade or he’s got

that to even higher

level his guard is nasty

there’s guys

that you just you can’t get comfortable with you

get if you’re on top of them

you can’t get comfortable with

you know they’re always attacking

they’re always setting you up and they’re always

moving one step

ahead of you you zig when you

shoot a zag and all side

bang you got a triangle locked on

motherfucker you’re fucked

right then you’re

trying to battle out of it but he knows

which way you’re gonna go

cause if you go that way he’s gonna

counter you by holding your leg and pulling that up

and now he attacks

your arm then he attacks the triangle next

thing you know you’re fucked

yeah because he’s just got this high

level shit but

unless you’re

fighting those guys

the most wrestlers are

gonna be able to pin a guy down and hold him down

it’s a huge

skill to have

i mean you must outweight

eddie by forty pounds

no not that much

twenty and he’s like one

seventy i’m

one eighty five i

think eddie’s like

one sixty five

i bet she’s one

sixty five so what do you one

one eighty five one ninety

for twenty five

pounds yeah it’s and i’m a lot

stronger than him

he’s big and man i can’t top them i’ve

never tapped them i don’t

think i’ve ever come

close well i’ve

only made him

stronger i’ve made a wing

i’ve never made him like

one day will you

who knows is he ticklish most likely he’ll tap me

again i don’t

put nearly as much time into it as he does he

teaches classes

every day and he

trains every day

you know he’s

training when he teaches

classes four

nights a week

he’s got a knee injury

right now so he’s not

training but

when he does he’s always rolling he rolls constantly

if i’m lucky i get

three days a weekend

if i’m lucky and

teaching too teaching

a lot of guys like there’s a dude

named brent at our

school who was really good but then he

started teaching and he became great

there’s something

about teaching people when you really

dissect the techniques

they say that one of the best ways to improve your

jiu jitsu game is

to teach it to somebody else is that that tall

light skinned

black guy no brent is a

heavy set white guy

ok big really smart dude

and he’s a brown belt

under eddie and

he’s a high

level brown belt when he

first started out he was just a regular guy

just another dude who was

always good

and talented

but when he

started teaching all of a

sudden he started taking off

he’s a handful

very dangerous guy

and every time i roll with them i’m like whoa

is there certain guys that you roll with

where you just

gotta watch your fucking p’s and q’s

this guy’s trying to kill you

one thing i

learned real

quick was you’re

either all in or all out two hands in or two hands out

if you got one hand in you know

if you’re on top

and you put one hand in

they can somehow

try they can

sure yeah grab your left

grab your arm and trap it yeah you got to be all in

right is that true yes but

even all in you got to be careful if you get a guy like

febreze over doom

and he controls both your

wrists you’re fucked you got a lot of problems

because he’s

gonna attack both ways and

as you defend one way he’s

gonna attack the other way

if he controls your

wrist at all you’re fucked

it’s very important you get risk control

jiu jitsu is

such a tactical fun

thing to do because

as you do it it’s very frustrating it’s almost like

remember when you

started doing

stand up comedy

and you said the frustrating

thing is that

there’s no end to this it’s like it’s

gonna go on forever

it’s gonna take forever to get good at it

know yeah it’s just a lot of devotion

to something that

you know you’re

gonna have to go on forever doing and

it’s gonna take

forever and you see a guy you know like joey diaz

how the fuck am i ever

gonna get that

right it’s gonna take 15 years for me i’m too old

for that now

that’s the same feeling with

jiu jitsu when you

first start out you have to enjoy

each little

miniature battle that you win

every new lesson that you learn

but the most humbling thing

about it is

as you do it you realize how little you know

yeah i know

there’s so many guys that are so much better

i’m like decent

but there’s so many guys that

we’re all talking

about marcelo garcia last night

he’s one of the best probably the best grappler in the

world really technical

not like this brutish

powerful guy but just all technique and he’s this

brazilian dude

super super smart dude

super nice guy too and just fucks everybody up

and his videos of him online just

smashing guys

just taking

these really like high

level wrestlers really

tough guys and just running through them

just choking them choking a little fuck out

no jujitsu guy

okay over and over and over again

you know and you

watch this guy just

running through people like

when i’m in full guard like

when somebody’s got me

when i’m above someone and

they’ve got me

is it called they’ve got me in full guard

they’ve got you in the guard they

got me in the guard

i don’t even have a good move yet to

break out of the guard

to get on side control

you don’t know that well you know

i can show you some

stuff there’s a

bunch of different

techniques you have a few go to moves yeah yeah like

yeah by a gun

it’s a game man it’s a game

if you treat

it look if you

treat it like penn and teller did this

thing on martial arts

where they said that

you’re better off saving your

money and then giving it to the mugger

saving the money that you would

but it’s not

about not getting mugged what martial arts are

about is like it’s a very difficult

thing that makes your character

stronger when you

learn martial arts

what you’re

doing is you’re doing this incredibly difficult

thing and when you do that you learn

about yourself

and other things become easier

yeah it’s humbling

yeah it’s very humbling it’s humbling when some guys

that you know

you look at it

doesn’t look like much but man

you’re tapping now

it’s humbling dude it’s a it’s a

freaky feeling it’s a

freaky feeling to have guys dominate you and it’s a

freaky feeling to dominate guys too it’s a it’s a much

better feeling it is better but it’s it’s

weird to feel people nervous and

freaking out and

like when they first

start doing it and shit and there’s like you know they

think they’re tough guys

and they they

realize like you’re closing in like this is getting

to a position where fuck

i’m not getting out of this you know you got the dude

mounted and he’s bucking and trying to

explode all his energy but

every time you do it you

counter nope not

going anywhere

right not going anywhere stay here

squash you and you

start slowly

squishing them and

squashing them

and you feel them

panicking you feel them start to

freak out with it like

they don’t want to

admit that you’re

gonna kill them

but that’s really

what it is they have to tap out and they have to say

okay i give it you’re just

gonna kill me right

thank you for not killing me and then you go again

it’s the craziest game ever

and you guys you get better as you get better at it you

understand that it’s really all about

focus and energy

and trying to put all the techniques together

but then once you get them all together like once you

drill them all

and you get them as a part of your repertoire

then it just becomes this

crazy zen thing

where you don’t

even know what you’re doing when you’re doing it

while you’re

countering and attacking and

everything it’s

like it all plays itself out

it’s like you

drill you drill techniques to a certain point

or when you’re rolling

they all just come out natural then it’s crazy fun

yeah it’s really fun actually

and especially

when you go with another guy who’s really good too

cause you’re just battling

back and forth encountering back and forth about

and you don’t even have time to think

you’re not thinking

about your bills you’re not

thinking about shit

no you’re not thinking

about you know your dog you’re not thinking

about you’re tired that

you’re there in that moment

but like in a zen

way we’re not even thinking

about yourself

yeah it’s so difficult

you don’t have

the time to the wander on your bullshit you have to

keep your eye on this guy’s trying to

choke the fuck out of you

i get out it’s have you been brian

no no i just i don’t

like croquet

it’s not for him

he likes cats

cats and croquet

it’s not for everybody man but i knew it

would be for you i’m glad you’re doing i knew it

would be for you totally loving man

loving it because

especially when you tell me stories

we went to dinner over his

house and he tells me stories about

trying to jack dudes and

fucking backing up into him on the highway and getting

crazy on venice

beach is the

story i told you

about yeah you told me that

story too i’m with

my wife and kids

going on venice beach and

i’m on a bike and this

other kid on a

skateboard 20 years old we kind of bumped into each

other by accident nobody’s fault

and so we kind of untangled each

other from each

other and i decided to go on my way and

as he’s leaving he’s like

you know stupid

motherfucker get out of my way next time

and he’s like

twenty years old

and i’m like fuck you asshole

and immediately he turns around and he’s like

i challenged him i

guess by saying that

and immediately

turns around but he’s got like four friends with him

all twenty years old

and my wife is like

rick what you’re such a dick for

responding to that

and i’m like well

how can i not i mean the kids

twenty years old i’m

forty just you don’t

treat people like that

you know in

the world but you

gotta you gotta recognize

i understand that but you got to recognize that

these kids a lot of them have nothing to lose

and their reputation means too much totally

the reputation means

anything so if you not around kids like that if you

if you challenge a kid like that like he a lot of in la

i didn’t consciously though do it was


just to respond

course man i’m the

worst i’m captain caveman

when i get any

issue like that i have to fight off

every that’s my

biggest weakness

that’s my biggest

weakness actually is natural it’s just it’s

not reacting

instead of like

responding yeah

legally it’s not an

issue i don’t

think because he’s fucking with you

you know he’s

starting with you and fucking but that’s not the

issue but the

issue is your health and

safety yeah

they could stab

you or hurt

you in situations

it doesn’t matter

for sure for sure really not even

jiu jitsu because you don’t want to grapple

with a guy like that

you want to fucking one tomb you want to

put bank yeah put him to

sleep and then charge at the next guy

and just let him know this is how

quick i can put this dude to sleep

i’m gonna get you next yeah

because that’s the last

thing anybody wants is one dude

knocking out everybody

so when they when

if you have

to attack somebody you’re better off way better off

learning how to

strike you don’t

wanna like go yeah

watch me pull

guard bitch

on your back the other

three dudes are fucking soccer kicking you in the dick

you know it’s not the best

thing to learn

some crap if there’s a

bunch of people the best

thing to have is fast fucking hands

they’d be able to just

light somebody up just pop bank

cause if you want to somebody

especially in the street

especially if they don’t know how to

fight when that

punch actually lands pop bam and

their eyes roll back in their head

they’re not even

gonna expect a that you’re

gonna be able to hit them that hard b

they’re gonna be able to do it that quick

like most dudes have

never really boxed they’ve

never really been punched

know so if you can just find one dude and pop

bank just put

that dude to

sleep the other guy’s

gonna go oh fuck this

right and you

can get him to scatter but if you try to do some

jiu jitsu they

should have a

movie like the karate

kid but for

jiu jitsu like the

jiu jitsu kid

where the guy’s just really good at

jiu jitsu like this little kid

could make it more like a

cause jiu jitsu

well jujutsu

and martial art it’s kind of weird

it’s a real

the jujutsu is a real

martial art in the

sense that you can

defeat a much bigger

stronger more

athletic person it’s very hard to do that with striking

but you can it can be done if a guy’s an

elite striker and he’s facing a guy who’s not an

elite striker that’s much like dan henderson

right elite

striker dan henderson is really a

wrestler he’s a very

powerful striker

but he’s not in the line of saying anderson

silva anderson

silva is like an

elite striker

he’s a guy who

really knows

the intricacies

of the stand up game

dan henderson does as well

but you know he’s more

known as a wrestler because

i saw him take out that british guy with one punch

oh yeah well he can

knock anybody out

with one big

spin yeah he’s got

super power in his hands

he can knock anybody he

knocked out vandal

silva with one punch

he’s knocked out a lot of guys with one punch

you know but he’s not

known as a striker

right he’s not

known as like you know a technical

strike what

about chuck

liddell yes he’s not

a striker he’s a

striker is he

fighting again

i don’t know i don’t know i

think he has maybe

you think so yeah yeah maybe

you know it’s

your time becomes up

when it’s up it’s up

you know and

he had one of the

greatest careers of all time

you know i just

think it’s think at a certain

point in time you have to be concerned

about your health

you know you have to be concerned

about how many

knockouts you take and

concern about your

future you have this fucking incredible amazing career

the problem

is you know you have that kind of fire burning

inside you it’s very difficult to turn that shit off

you know very

very very very very difficult to turn that shit off

those guys like you know they’re nuts

their whole fucking

system is wired for competition

whole system is

wired for combat

for the moment for getting to that cage

under the bright

lights and performing

you know their whole

self esteem is

based on you know

their ability to rise to a

place that most men can ever get to

you think they

could transfer that easily there like

start playing a

video games or

start doing something else

i don’t think

listen man i don’t

think as we

as civilians

could ever possibly

understand the highs

it must be when

chuck liddell

fucking throws his arm back and

pushes his chest out and

screams ah after he

knocks people out

like after he

knocked randy kotor

out i mean randy kotor’s one of the baddest

motherfuckers on the planet and he connects

bam and randy goes down and

that high is probably cocaine

times a billion

you know yeah it’s probably insane it’s probably

he probably

never feels more

alive he probably

never feels more

energetic more

you know fulfilled

this incredible

eight week training camp

every day waking

up for this one moment and finally it comes

against one of the baddest

motherfuckers on the planet

in front of 16 000 people in a fucking

arena and everybody’s

going crazy

and your punch connect yeah

they live for that yeah they live for it the iceman

the cow goes nutty and they

strap the belt on them

and then they ask

them you know so what’s next anybody i don’t care i’ll

fight anybody i’ll

fight anybody in the

world i like to fight

it’s hard to step down from that i

think i think that’s a

that’s a well

it’s probably a high like you have in comedy

no not even

close no comedies

more just fun we’re having a good time but aren’t

you as nice as

yes you sure

you have fun it’s a different kind of high though

it’s it’s it’s not nearly as

is crazy it’s not nearly as primal

it’s more fun

enjoyable everybody having a positive

experience together we’re all

partying we’re all having

a good time you know i’m telling you some comedy you’re

laughing we’re

enjoying our time together it’s all fun

fighting is much more

you trying to master something

it just so happens there’s an audience there

watching it but it’s

a totally different

experience very inward

you trying to overcome some guys physical strengths and

pose your will on them and

pose your conditioning and your preparation on them

way crazy different way crazier

comedy is like

everyday normal bullshit

like to me i can go on

stage right now if there was an open mic

right next door

and then you know

while we’re doing the podcast someone said hey joe you

wanna do ten minutes like

yeah yeah i’ll go up come on i’ll go up

i’ll just go up and

start fucking what’s up what’s up what’s

going on i’ll just

start doing

stand up just

going into my act

i couldn’t go

fight you know

couldn’t say hey do you want a cage

fight in ten minutes

right i’d be like no i need like ten months and

i got to talk to my mom

fucking get a

nutritionist man i got to make

sure my strength and conditioning programs in order

fuck who am i

fighting is you a striker

wrestler i got to

prepare my you know what am i

strategy i want to fight a

striker how i get fucked up

you know you

are you way

scarier where you

gonna fight no no why not

because it’s not healthy

yeah because i

you must i love you must want to

fight you must want to

fight to do it

i did a lot of competition martial arts competition was

young where i

enjoyed it but i got out of it without any

complications physically

because of injuries or

knockouts or anything like that

but i knew people who did

i knew people had complications

i knew people who had

brain damage for sure from boxing

it’s compromised

how they talk it’s compromised

how they can

think and make reason

reasonable decisions

i’ve met people like that

i don’t think there’s anything

wrong with fighting i don’t

think we’re not

going to live forever and i

think every man

should be allowed to make his own decisions as

to what he wants to do and how long he wants to compete

how many knockouts

he wants to take and how much risk he wants

to put his body it’s up to you it’s your choice why

is it that you can go and do

motorcycle riding

you can run

between the fucking lanes and traffic and that’s okay

but you know you can’t

a guy can’t get

knocked out more than

three times you can do whatever the fuck you want

but for me i think

i think if you were

going to put yourself at risk there

should be an end

point to it

and to me it’s like what am i

going to do i want to be the best guy in the

world no am i

gonna win a couple of fights

what’s that

gonna prove you know well you know

the thrill of competition yeah

and maybe getting your fucking face broken

again maybe

getting i’ve had my nose

fixed recently

it’s fucking awesome i love having my nose

again yeah it’s

great my whole life i have fucked up jammed up nose i

broke my nose

falling down a flight of

stairs when i was five

and then i’ve been kicked and

punched in the face

i don’t know how many times my

whole life so it was all fucked but it’s cool

you don’t have anything to prove

you don’t need to

because you are

tough but that’s

silly there’s a lot of that

out there that can kick my ass

the needing to

prove thing it

should all be you know

no one should need to

prove anything and if you do need to

prove something to you

you just find out more

about yourself

you know when you need to

prove something

like there’s guys out there that are trying to

start fights or guys that are you know

that have a chip on their

shoulder what they need to do is

get more positive

experiences in

their life get more things

where they’ve accomplished

their emotions

they’ve conquered

their emotions and


a goal that seemed really difficult to do and they

understand more

about themselves

and that’s one of the

things about like mma

fighters like some of the best guys in the

world they’re

super friendly

george st pierre

is one of the nicest people i have ever met in my life

and he’s one of the baddest


pound for pound on the planet insane he’s so kind

and so friendly and genuine

and the reason is he

doesn’t have anything to

prove to anybody he

proves it to himself

in competition he

proves it to himself in

training he

proves it to himself with discipline

forcing himself to do the hard work to become

great and he is

great and recognizes great

so because of that he’s like balanced and he’s like

super healthy

super calm person to be around

a couple years ago i

watched him

fight against that brazilian guy

and it was a

great fight

tiago silva

and i think

it was alves

rather excuse me

yeah and it was a tie

striker yeah and that guy was

strong oh yeah

and he couldn’t

send him a monster

saint pierre couldn’t

submit him knows a

yeah went the distance yeah alvez is he’s a

beast but he has a problem

making weight didn’t make way for his last

fight again

rematch with john fitch

and he didn’t look that good physically he looked like

he looked like he was a little

hurt by the weight cut because he’s so big

in real life he’s supposed to

fight at 170

but he walks around over 200

oh my god so

he’s cutting he’s dehydrating himself like 30 pounds

and then trying to replenish himself

and it just

there’s gonna be a

point of point of

diminishing returns

where you cut

so much weight and you dehydrate yourself so much

that your performance

is gonna suffer yeah

he’s just so big

he was giant

these guys are

giant for 170

they’re gigantic

he’s a fucking bull of a man

you know he’s just got to lose some

weight he’s got to lose some muscle she got too much

what’s so funny

he’s a bull of a man that’s what he is that’s bull

he is a bull

what would you call the raw

power what would you call

i’m very nice gentleman

a nice gentleman

yeah he’s a nice gentleman

of flavor of muscles i saw this

picture of a chimp

carrying fruit it was an old female chimp

and she had

fruit in her hands and

fruit in her feet

and she’s like

carrying like these

things and she’s like flexing

and i looked at him like holy fuck

have you ever seen like a full

grown male chimpanzee or female chimpanzee

full grown how big

their fucking arms are

holy shit that’s

scary is muscle

gigantic her arms were gigantic

and they’re that

crazy sinewy

chimp muscle too

which is nothing like

human muscle

it’s a fucking trippy

photograph when you realize that chimp

could just beat the fuck out of you

remember that anytime she wants it

ate that girl’s face off

that was brutal

talk about chimps

every week my friend

went to sturges this

motorcycle rally joe

the whole time she’s there

at i think like

four or five people died

within like two days and the guys the people at the

thing say you know this happens

every year people die

like almost every day

and the last day she was there

this guy was

doing where they

rev up the engines really fast or whatever it’s called

i forget what

it’s called but it’s like they’re just revving up

their engines really fast

something happened and his

motorcycle blew up

and he got decapitated something flew out of his engine

oh shit son

and you know what i’m

thinking this is how dangerous


are fucking how many people die at this like

motorcycle thing but yet there was a car show

for you know

every day for

the last 50 years in burbank and no one’s ever

had a car well the thing

about those

motorcycle shows is that a lot of

those dudes they get

crazy and they want to show off for each

other right

start they start

standing on

their bikes you ever seen guys surf with

their motorcycle

yeah there was this old dude who’s a

motorcycle maker

i forget his name he’s a

famous guy but he was

famous for being able

to ride his

motorcycle like a surfboard

so he’d get that

bitch on the highway

leveled out

straight it out and then

stand on top of it and he was fucking

standing it and

his feet fell

oh he fell and that’s a wrap son

it was like cod

you deserve what you get when you’re doing that well

no helmet too

oh no helmet

excuse me so

stupid so he’s just

living out there on the edge and he just lost it and

maybe that’s the way he wanted to go you know who knows

i mean everybody kind of

recognized it

people didn’t make fun of him and say oh you fucking

idiot that’s what you deserved

everybody said hey died doing what he loved

i guess okay

i mean what you know really realistically what are you

gonna live forever i think

there’s news why not

cycles that look like

snowmobiles yeah

crazy look what is it one

one in the rear and two in the

front is that yeah

yeah something like yeah

yeah it’s so

weird looking it looks like a

snowman we’ve seen

that i’ve seen that supposed to be wicked fast yeah

yeah you see that

ariel adam ever seen that

thing mm hmm

it’s like a car you ever seen

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