the joe rogan experience

is all the right names on the bottom yep ready hit it

wearing bricks and

tell me where is sanity

bridge no more

ladies and gentlemen

welcome to the podcast

this podcast comes just a few days

after the passing of our good friend robert schimmel

hilarious comic a great guy

one of the nicest friendliest guys in in

whatever not even in the business his period

he was just

always fun to be around very witty very

smart just cool guy i really

enjoyed his company i

you know i enjoyed

watching him on

stage i enjoyed hanging

out with them the precious few times i got to and

last time i saw him was

a few months ago in

in california it was a

i think it was

right when i was getting back from

colorado i think i’m not sure but i you know

only i was just

happy that i got to see him

and then i heard this terrible news

i known he had a

bunch of health problems but

this had nothing

to do with that he was in a car accident

and unfortunately his

daughter was driving it’s just a horrible

tragic sad story and

i’m gonna miss that guy and i’m very

proud to have met him and

known him he was a

great guy and if you’ve

never seen his comedy

go just look for it on youtube there’s plenty of clips

just a really funny guy and it sucks

seems like comics really have to go through

other comics dying a lot you know

this is one profession that when

somebody dies it really affects the whole

community you know it’s not like when you’re a

mayor and another mayor dies all the mayors feel sad

about that mayor or something you know what i mean like

it seems like

i’m always hearing about another death of a

comic and that’s like

you’re losing somebody

great somebody’s ideas and

like when mitch

hedberg died that was so horrible for me

it was terrible

well i think

comics especially uh

comics especially really

appreciate other

comics they

know what it takes to get to that spot and they

i mean i’m always

in awe of anybody who’s really good

even though i’ve done it even though i’ve gotten

you know on

television and it

doesn’t matter whenever i see anybody who’s really good

especially if they’re totally different from me

i’m always like

wow look at that how’s that guy doing that

you know even though i do it

i’m still baffled by it

so you’re still

learning yeah

ladies and gentlemen this other

voice to my

right is my very good friend

tyler knight

and he is our

guest for this week’s podcast and very appropriately

tyler is a male

pornographic actor

and a very good dude i’ve

known him for many years

right how many years i know you know

i’m gonna say like two thousand

three two thousand

three we probably met at the bomb squad yeah

it’s a jujutsu gym in hollywood and

oh by the way this this

podcast and all podcasts sponsored by the flashlight

got one in here

i guess i need to pull

these out every time i talk about it

this is just the box

but this is

where it comes in

and inside this is a tube

see right there

you get to stick your

penis in that feels really good and you know what it’s

a lot better than

it’s a lot better than blow up dolls

could you imagine fucking this thing

this thing looks like

a wrap that you get for your pool that’s what it

smells like and feels like

that’s a wrap for your pool

how would you fuck a rat from your pool that

smells like fucking

i wonder if

you really fucking hard if you get a lot of friction

going on and

start to smell like burning plastic yeah

smells like i

yeah don’t think it kind of would

smell like burning plastic if you could

that would be your goal

that’s the joanna and

joanna angel one has all her

tattoos though

nice lisa’s got all her

tattoos you

could totally pretend that you were fucking her

way better off

ladies gentlemen with a

flashlight and if

you have a favorite pornographic actress just watch her

video and pretend make a little pretend

but it’s fantastic

way better than just jerking off

i’m a big fan

and i keep saying this people say

why you push the

flashlight so much they make you

no they do sponsor the podcast and we are supposed to

bring it up

but i am just telling you the

truth if i didn’t have this

thing of it and use it

i would tell everybody to fuck it

it’s way better than beating off and i know you do that

right stop being shy

right you have

your own sex toys

absolutely he’s got his own rubber dick out there son

do you use your own

uh like just flop around the

mouth or something what the fuck kind of

question is that son

now i use the

rubber dick on my finger like you know

football games and

stuff like that

you know number one

tyler is becoming

famous on the internet for his writing and it all

started out on

mixed martial arts com

which back then was mma tv

and tyler is

one of the few high profile guys who’s out there

that uses his real name

in his posts and

doesn’t give a fuck and just talk to anybody

about anything

you know there’s

not a lot of guys that do that anymore it’s it’s hard

you know you

get criticized people fuck with you they insult you

death threats

yeah i’m sure you must have gotten

everything right and

while while this is all

going on he made this thread

uh about uh

did someone make the thread or did you

make it uh someone made the thread i saw it i figured

and then you

start posting it it was all about

what it’s like to be a porn star and

these fucking stories

are so well written dude and riveting

and like so fucking there and graphic

that one that you

wrote about the

bukkake line

about getting paid was it

fifty bucks yeah

fifty bucks i mean this is some of the most intense

shit i’ve ever read like as i’m reading i’m like ah

because he’s not just like saying like hey

you know i’m a guy i’m

gonna go beat on this girl for

fifty bucks when i go beat off on her

no that’s not what he’s saying he’s like

going through the

psychology of

where he is as a man

while he’s in

this line and this is not what he intended or ever

planned just

a situation unfolded itself like this and here he is

stepping on dude’s goo

and trying to

see if he can get a hard on and seeing all

these other guys grunting and

smelling and

whoa and it’s real

you i mean this is real

real shit man

and i know you’re

doing a lot of writing now and you are

you have a blog what’s the blog it’s

tyler night com

tyler night com okay and if you go there he has

all these stories up and they’re fucking

great stories

thanks they’re real i know you really put a lot into it

i know you’ve

been doing a lot of writing lately and man

it’s fun to read they’re

great and it’s you’re

gonna get discovered dude for sure and

anybody out there if you’re some sort of a publisher

and you’re looking for the next

thing you looking for something crazy

you gotta jump on this dude

trust me just go to

tyler night com and read the blog the stuff is

fantastic and it’s legit

i mean he’s a guy he’s a real fucking porn star

you know but also a

great writer and

i think you’re

gonna use that to

transition yourself out of that

world i guarantee you are i know you are

i know you’re

dedicated to it you’re fucking pushing at it

every day and you’re really talented man

thanks brother

it’s really good

stuff yeah it’s

funny when i

started that when i

started posting on that thread on

mma dot tv back in the day it was

really just you know venting just getting shit off my

chest and the

things like 3 000 posts now

just fucking

ask yeah i was on there i remember reading it was

great five star thread

it’s great because

tyler is unlike a lot of you know

there’s a lot of guys that are in the business there’s

a guy who actually just posted on my message

board recently

he just got out of it i’m

i don’t wanna go find the dude’s name but

he he just got out

it was a post it was on like two

nights ago or last

night maybe

yeah anyway this guy done it for five years and he’s

like i’m fucking girls way out of my league and he had

crazy stories about

do it in columbia

is in columbia like

teaching these guys how to fuck like on camera

and that they had

these dudes in the room with

machine guns and shit they were trying to make porn

but they were

trying to they couldn’t get the dudes to perform good

so now they were trying to get

into a porn

better no no

the people behind it were all they all obviously had

unscrupulous

businesses and they needed to protect themselves

they weren’t just doing porn

so they had a

flu they flew him in to

teach these

other porn guys how to fuck correctly

so he’s like i

gotta perform in

front of these dudes machine guns

and i don’t even

speak spanish it’s a fucking

crazy story man

jesus christ

those stories are

great man jesus christ you know and there’s a

funny thing

about porn we’ve talked

about porn on the show

a lot you know it’s a subject that

always comes up because to me it’s it’s fascinating

when something that everybody loves to do is

taboo for others to see

and for you to perform in for you to do

it’s like who

doesn’t like

sex if you don’t like sex is probably something

wrong with your body right

so what is the big fucking deal

about having sex on camera and why

why do people trip

about it so hard

well nowadays it’s

it’s like a career move

it’s yeah right

you have heidi and spencer

shopping their sex tapes to viv and what not and

it’s like it’s like what are you

gonna have next like fucking

disney people or whatever you know when

their career

starts to low a little bit when they get old like

25 yes but if we’re

lucky yeah if we’re

lucky we’re

gonna get that

i don’t think there’s anything

wrong with that

i don’t think it’s the next that’s the next

level this who

would have ever thought this kim

kardashian thing

would have ever gotten this far

i know a guy

that does that for a living he has a website that does

hollywood sex

tapes and he tells me the offers he has on his table is

ridiculous like he’s got like 20 lindsay lohans

dude actually i got called a

couple years

just out there

freaking out on camera

high on heroin

sucking dicks on camera all over the world

somebody filmed it with

their trio oh man i

think i i never

watched the the kim

kardashian sex tape

until i watched it the

other day oh it’s great

and i was like this

bitch is really sucking dick on camera

i hear she has this

giant celebrity now she’s on allura magazine

and because it is a

released sex tape it was released

against her will

leaked sex tape

never mind of

course they’re not but because of that it’s acceptable

but if you just go straight into it like

everybody’s

upset at this montana fishburn

this girl who is lawrence fishburne’s

daughter who’s nineteen years old

very attractive girl

everything except for her ass her ass looks

like a shot with buckshot

you see that

it’s hail damage

there’s car repaired

tornado chasers yeah that

bitch got hit with

some birdshot

her asshole

but everybody’s

freaking out

her because she did it on purpose she said i am

going to go do this

i’m going to do this because i seen

other people do it

and they they became famous

which is not the best tactic but

everybody’s

tweaking on her but if it was just a release sex day

i’ve gotten calls dude

of people saying hey

tyler you wanna make a sex tape with i’m not

gonna say the name x y z celebrity whatever you know

you know jump

start a career and i’m like you’re fucking kidding me

right no really really

wow so it’s yeah you’re

right it happens all the time

there must the people who just

wanna be famous like the you know

the the people who out there just trying to find some

angle on getting

famous well

exactly fucking

crazy world that is

or you’re just sitting there calculating

what should we do

should make a sex tape

we should make a sex tape we can fake my death

it’s fake i’m

drowning now

think of all the

other five or six

things on the list fuck that

twenty things in the list you get to before

that comes up to be a viable option yeah

it starts off at applebee’s and goes to

olive garden then it

starts getting

worse than people

not wanting to do the normal nine to five job

what can i do

real quick make

money i can’t be working at the

olive garden i was looking at people

magazine the

other day and they had one of the real

housewives from

new york new york i

think on she’s got

seven of babies like my baby

saved my life i’m like

bitch who are you

what is this your baby

saved your life

this is crazy

i’m sure your baby

saved your life and i’m

happy your baby

saved your life

but really right really

i mean i’m happy you’re a

happy person but

is this what we need to talk

about here in people fucking magazine

you’re just

gonna find someone who just sums someone

some dude just

it’s not even a singer

it’s not like an actor it’s not a writer

it’s just a person

some guy living somewhere

like i always thought that

those magazines when they talked

about people

there was some sort of an interesting fascinating story

but that’s not what it is now

now it’s just people

getting people to pay attention to them

and then they make

money off it

they’re just fucking people

there’s no art there

there’s no singing there’s no dancing there’s no

writing there’s no

craft nothing

there’s not

they’re not

offering shit they’re just being themselves it’s

crazy that that’s that’s really here

well that’s it’s

funny said i mean we’re in a unique time right now

where the american middle

class dream is fucking

shrinking is

going down the toilet right

and at the same time

this this this is happening to the average american

you have this obsession

where you know we

value celebrity for nothing

you know with without merit whatsoever so

it’s pretty

interesting you know i mean what the what does that say

about us you know

i think we’re lost

yeah yeah i

think that’s one of the reasons why politicians

just to find doing crazy shit

they’re like

these monkeys are so out of

their fucking minds anyway look at what

they’re paying attention to look at what we’re doing

we can get them

to do whatever we want let’s just get them get the

money just get the money

take good care of them don’t do anything too crazy

but just get the

money and just they’ll do it they’ll do it yeah those

those common denominator like

generation ago was pretty much the

standard for it is

right now today yeah

and the access to information

and the you know the the internet and

everything is

is offered people more more ability to learn

but i think the

the bottom line is less people are

smart now like

the a smaller percentage

maybe but then we have

thirty years ago yeah but then

maybe you think the internet has made everyone more

smarter by you know

everyone using it everyone

using it yes everyone

using it yes but i

think people are resisting that i

think there’s a lot of people that are resisting that

then a lot of people are not

using the internet to find out information they’re

using it just for gossip

to using it

just to find out what he’s doing that she’s doing

i would like to know like what the percentage of

the internet

is just into people gossiping and bullshitting

about things google will sell you that information for

twenty dollars joe

because when i go to my message board

a good percentage of threads are on you know just

you know silly shit

gossipy shit yes become the new tv the new

get done with your hard day work sit in

front of this

thing and just like turn your

brain off that’s fucking addictive though man you ever

watch the real

housewives dude that

warehouse was atlanta got me

that one got me you know why because they went with

black chicks and

black chicks just made shit way more fun

crazy wig woman

white girl who the

white girl who had a wig on and

black girls who told that

bitch to shut the fuck up they’re always telling

shut the fuck up i even like that song that she did

you like that song i

did when she sang

remixed one i

heard it like

oh damn it i can’t believe it

you know what’s the best

remix ever the

rapist remix song

the rapist you know the antoine

you know that dude who

i think that

whole thing was set up

no no no no it

looks like a really bad act no no no no

it’s like a dude in looking

go find it find it brian

the guy was

god antoine dodson

and look up antoine

dodson he’s so fake

to me no no no it’s not fake it’s just a guy with a

weird personality

cause they interviewed him

the next time they just was hamming up for the camera

anyway some guy

tried to break into

an apartment to rape somebody

and this guy was there

and he’s like

you know we got a rapist

and you know in our

county and and he

starts going off

about we’ll find you

you know don’t worry

about the police we’ll find you and it’s

fucking hilarious

cause the guys like you know

uber femme and like

weird ghetto talk

and this is real

totally real

and then they remixed it and made it a song

you got it for me is this

is this the

remix version

i think so okay let’s see what we got

right now no

this is just an

early this morning

early this morning in the

500 block of webster

drive in huntsville

wf 48 elizabeth

jello caught up with the

victims elizabeth

emotions were running high

and mark the

woman the victim tells us they may leave

your house and

tried to rape

her brother

went in and he

tried to help

her out but the man got away leaving behind though

evidence of his visit

kelly dodson was asleep with a little girl inside their

apartment on webster

drive when i was attacked by

some idiot from out here in the projects

dodson says her attacker used a garbage can to

climb onto the unit’s

ledge open the

upstairs window and then he got in bed with her

he tried to rape

me he tried to pull my

clothes off

dodson struggled with her attacker

knocking over items in her bedroom antoine

dodson heard his

sister scream

and ran to help

well here we go obviously

we have a rapist

in linkin park

he’s climbing in your windows he’s

snatching your people up

trying to rape them so y’all need to hide your kids

hide your wife

and had your husband

because they raping everybody out here the attacker got

no it’s not fake

finger prints

and all you are so dumb

you are really dumb

for real a crime

scene investigator

photographed and dusted for

prints on the

lid of the garbage can and the window pane and ledge

dodson says he’s

never seen the perp before

but sends this warning to whoever

is responsible

you don’t have to

come and confess that you did we’re looking for you we

gonna find you i’m letting you know now

so you can run and tell that oh boy

oh come on now

go to the auto

tune version

police department will have much more

from the victims of that attack coming up tonight

i mean come on dude oh my that’s a real guy out there

oh my god that’s way more fascinating than

anything that’s in a movie man

we only got one channel yeah he’s climbing a window

we looking for you we gon

haha

come on dude that’s fantastic that’s

dude that’s fucking

genius that’s genius

shit man that really is

genius i love the auto tune

shit that song is the best

one though that’s the best auto tunes one ever done

without a doubt

i’ve heard some good ones but that’s the shit some that

double rainbow shit i got into

yeah they’re

pretty good

they were pretty good but there’s

some there’s some an artistic quality to this one

and the way they

chose to put

piece it together

that’s fucking

brilliant man that’s just that’s an interesting

kind of brilliance

where there’s no one paying them to do that

you know no one’s no

no it’s not a big corporation behind that

there’s some fucking creative dudes online

that’s a good goddamn song yes it is i i buy that

you know it’s number eighty nine in the billboard chart

was number eighty

nine in the billboard singles charts yeah

it’s a fucking it’s doing well

the top hundred song

joe why i why i thought that was fake

cause i think it

those people

you don’t know any of

those people that’s what it is no

no no the news

thing that we just saw

why i believe it’s fake

it’s very similar to what a lot of people do

which is something i do

where it’s taking

footage and editing into real news stories

and just making it a little bit off

if you yeah but that

would have come out by now dude this is on the

news people actually saw this and we’re like this is

motherfucker

check him out

it would have gone out by now

maybe so is this dude like on tour or something or what

do the guys know he’s got a facebook page now though

you can befriend him

i’m gonna befriend him what is this antoine dodson

yeah i need to be his friend

seems like a nice guy home home home boy

number eighty nine man

you know the dea

just started hiring

ebonics translators i saw that

how fucking genius are you

serious i saw that yeah

i saw that because sometimes there’s just too much

going on sometimes this is too much dapps and

sucks and you know i’m saying i need one of

those and there’s like

gotta speak

the language man you what the fuck is this guy saying

how we gonna get how we

gonna arrest him

it was da what’s a dap

is the fbi to i

think it was

both of them

it’s pretty interesting

it’s interesting

that it really is become like a dialect

and it could branch off if there was more

separatism between

people that

spoke in ebonics and

it could become another language easily

it’s not but fucking china is

there’s nothing like a

bunch different versions of chinese cantonese

and mandarin

mandarin and

there’s other ones

right yeah there’s like

a bunch of different

right you know what my favorite ebonics is

you remember this

you know dialects

exist even in like italian my grandmother

spoke a very certain dialect

she was i think she was from sicily

you remember this old clip

but other piece some people didn’t know even italian

speaking people what the fuck is this bitch saying

what is this i don’t know it’s not working but

what is it though

the old delta bonix commercial remember that old

like youtube video from a long time ago

delta yeah you talking

about the scene from airplane where the

woman was there and the two guys were sitting there

no no no i’ll find it i’ll play it in a sec

i have it right now but it’s

i watched the airplane the other day and it

doesn’t hold up it sucks

really doesn’t hold up that’s just kind of all

run hold up

doesn’t yeah it does is it

weird how some of them

hold up some of them don’t i just like seeing delouise

he’s funny as hell

dude i saw piranha

3d yesterday oh

how was it why did it get such good reviews it

can’t be good it’s terrible but

i’ve never seen a more blatant

combination of titties and murder

like it was

a cavalcade of tits

i mean if it wasn’t just like one pair of

tits it was like

a full on girls gone wild movie

with monsters

and there was even a guy who played

jerry o’connell

he plays a girls gone wild type

producer guy a sleazy

coked up dude is yelling at everybody

and he’s really rude to

these girls he plays this guy and of course he gets

eaten by the pron

on the pros like a spring

break kind of thing yeah

but it’s like

the whole it’s a girls gone wild episode it’s just

tits everywhere

naked girls

swimming in the water

tits and parasailing tits are

bouncing up in the back of boats

dancing dudes and

girls grinding

tits in three d

and then yeah

tits in three d and

yes the 3d was

awesome okay well that’s true 3d

now i think they’re calling it

some new we

call it some new

thing but god damn it was good it

was really good like the text in the beginning when you

first see when

the credits

start rolling in the

very beginning

the text just jumps out in a way that i don’t even

think they did with avatar

because avatar was like 3d

after the fact right

right they didn’t film it no no no they made

out for 3d oh i’m

thinking of

alice in wonderland yeah right

this is better than that this like jumps out at you

it even seemed

to jump out of you more than avatar it seems cleaner

you know avatar there’s

still some ghosting to it

you know so like even though you’re seeing the guys

floating in the air

what’s this i

found that video

about okay what is it good

see the thing is

if you bout to be

about this bitch

check it delta

we be flying all over this bitch

let me ask you something

you fin to raise up and get your travel on

from the interior

to the exterior

this can’t be real got to get your posterior

in one of these big ass planes

dog you lay in

the cut straight sitting on your ass and getting your

drink on and your

snack on while we

floss and fly this mofo

all over this bitch

east coast west coast

it don’t matter

nia will get you to your hoe and back lickety splits no

then you’ll be back at your crib

chilling with a flat spliff

thinking we were some

crazy ass angel hell

these fat brown

thick vessels

brian this is not real this is dumb

that’s an old that’s an old

famous ebonics

video when it’s not a real commercial no no no

i thought you were showing us a real

no no no no

it was like when youtube

first came out that was like one of the

first videos on youtube

could you imagine if some

crazy like airline or

it could be anything any company just looked out

and decided to

start advertising like that

that’d be hilarious just

don’t give a fuck just wild

crazy shit swearing

why can’t they do that

who knows for airplanes you won’t you don’t want that

right you don’t want anybody that

you want flying you want exactly

seriously exactly you want to feel safe i’m trying to

think of products where you don’t care like maybe like

mcdonald’s or food or something you know

yeah you don’t want

those guys fucking around you wanted to be on

their p’s and q’s man you know

you’re piloting

you don’t want to hear

about smoking splinters i want to hear

nothing what do you got there fella

remember when i said i thought i was gonna die today

yeah you wanted that story

yeah what is that in your hand alright

let me tell you what happened last

night i got home from the airport and i

watched forensic files one of my favorite shows ever

and it was about somebody sending somebody something

and then it was just a tackle box a fishing

tackle box and it blew up when that person opened it

right so then

today i get two mysterious packages in the mail

today and i

don’t know what they are i got sent to the po

box and first

of all how high were you

when you thought someone was

gonna kill you with

exploding packages

well that’s exactly

right but imagine seeing that episode last

night when you

right before you went to bed

and then i opened the

first package and it

has a business card with

blood splattered on it and it’s a knife

and i’m like oh

that’s his business card no

no the business card had

blood splattered

on it his name and blah blah blah and then

the other thing was a knife

and it had like engraved

something on the

knife handmade

knife kind of cool

and then i’m like this

other package i opened up and it’s this box

and i don’t know if you can see this but

it looks like a little tackle box

and i’m like okay this is sucks so

this is exactly

what you saw in csi they had a tackle box

it was a fishing tackle box

okay so the

first package from this guy was at

night have you

open this already yes i’ve already okay that’s good

to know yeah

i’m telling you i know brian

you probably like i didn’t think of that all right

and so i’m pretty sure it won’t blow up i

started praying actually joe pray

yes i actually was like all right if this

you know i said i

started saying lord

something i can’t remember in my head because

i started to open it up and

when i first opened it i see like this little

looks like chrome can you see that it looks

kind of like

what is this metal thing like i’m peeking

so high open this up what is this now what’s in there

and there’s his blood splatter

business card again some notes

and a really

sweet pipe nice

that’s what he left you some guy you don’t even know

left you a pipe he made this pipe look at this shit

how fucking

crazy is this

and then you wait a

minute this guy knows

where you live

huh no i sent it to my po box

what the fuck is this man some

pipe made out of pipe

smoke weed out of

it’s like you’re sucking a

robot’s dick

take this away

yeah so that the guy

his websites pretty interesting

all right let’s not read all that

right you can’t have guys being able to get in

touch with you like this the post

apocalyp that’s

gonna definitely talk

about in the air i thought you

scare me here you ever get packages like that you

think you’re

gonna get blow

open up a bomb it’s

gonna blow up no why

would someone want to kill you man

well why are people sending me

knives oh my god

how are you

where’s the you you need to

go for a walk

i didn’t want to get pulled over and

a samurai it’s like samurai

sword like this big need to take yoga

class my friend no one’s trying to kill you

you’re a nice guy

there’s a lot of people out

there that people trying to kill you’re not one of them

i’m a nice guy i’m one

are people people give you

death threats oh yeah

dude all the time what is it because you fuck a lot of

white chicks yeah that’s ninety nine

point nine percent of god

damn ninety

nine point nine

percent it’s

you read them and you’re like

laughing cause

cause they’re

funny you know

it’s funny to you because you’re of an elevated

consciousness but to a lot of people it’s fucking

fascinating they get all worked up and shit you know

that one one day most of like it is one

thing that they feel justified right

well the funny

thing is one dude most of

these guys are

idiots but one dude actually

wrote a really well thought out argument

of like why shouldn’t

why why should

watch me drop behind this pickup truck

wow for being

white girls and it was i’m reading this i’m like

damn he might have a

point you know what the fuck was he saying what was his

points something

about like race mixing and like how we’re

better off like we’re two separate races and all that

stuff and you know

i’m bringing

both up how i’m shaming both our races and you know

shaming your races both

are fascinating

isn’t it fascinating

the dudes attached themselves with something they had

absolutely no control over

you didn’t ask to be born

white stupid you just born white

what a fucking strange

thing to trip on yeah

and a lot of people do man i know a lot of dudes who

would be real uncomfortable

if they found out

their chick had

done porn with a black eye

my dad would

be really uncomfortable if i had sex with the black guy

me too woody

are you sure

you don’t know

maybe he’s one of

those if you’re just as long as you’re

happy brian

maybe he’s one of those guys

how many how many

death threats have you gotten

uh it’s funny usually it was

usual like this is a normal course i can say usually

that’s not something you want the same sentence with

death threat

right usually in

death threat

but usually like

maybe two or

three a month not that

wow but i suck

it’s picked up

quite a bit because i did a couple of

tiger woods parodies

oh yeah that’s

right you did a

tyler would

tyler would

tyler would

tyler would

and on top of that i did something else for another

company then they didn’t tell me the who the girls were

until i’m on set

and it’s three a

tiger which is mistresses

wow and i wrote a

story about that and then i got like

you know thirty

death threats off that

alone are you serious

piss off golfers

or is it just john daly

drunk doing as for fun

could be who who was like what kind of dudes all

all racist people all

white people

well actually no surprisingly some of them are actually

tigers fans whatever that

are that are pissed

at me for perpetuating and parroting the situation in

you know just

leave him alone and oh come on he’s a sensitive guy wow

it is fucked

up that he’s getting attacked like this but you know

that’s just the way it is it’s important

to accept that dude it goes with the territory

you’re out in the public i’m exactly

i mean i could

be working into cubicles

and it’s not he’s not out in the public

eye like make

jagger or something he’s out in the public

eye with this

super squeaky

clean image and you find out he’s out freak yeah

i mean how can people not trip on that it’s fascinating

it’s fascinating to them when they

think something’s one

thing it turns out to be

absolutely the opposite of what they were you know

what it’s being sold as

he sold as being a squeaky

clean guy and he’s a freak

but you you’re a

known freak

so it’s like it’s okay yeah

i’m cool with the dude dude you’re

very normal for a guy in the business now i’ve known

a bunch of dudes from

especially from jujitsu

it’s always

a lot of porn guys like to do jujitsu

i’ve known guys for comedy too

a lot of them are really cool guys but you’re like

especially normal

oh how the fuck

does that happen it’s uh

dude i don’t know man i

guess i guess the main thing is i

i compartmentalize my life

you know i mean

people i train with friends i meet through

training like you

and that’s one compartment right there

and then there’s the compartment of

my normal everyday home life where i go to escape

work and everything and then just work

and they never intersect

you know that’s the best way i mean it’s

when i leave said i

leave tyler and

i at the door and i just become me regular guy and you

know well you’re

a very calm guy but you do a lot of wild shit

outside of even porn i know you’ve done a

bunch of boxing matches

you’ve done

didn’t you do an mma

fight in a porn

movie yeah really

now tell me tell me what this was all

about what’s it called too

you fought aaron brink as it

was yeah you

haven’t even been

training you know

hardly even

training right no i

think the last time i

train was probably the last time you saw me

so you just fought

aaron brink with no

training yeah pretty much on

three days notice and he had like he was actually

training for yeah another professional

fight and quinn

exactly he was in

good shape yeah

fucking ripped

like two hundred and three

pounds dangerous yeah

so so you actually had an mma

fight with him

yeah the way

it was set up was this because it wasn’t sanctioned and

you know there wasn’t a

three ringside

judges the way they did it was

they had a grappling

round first

right and then they had a

strikey round afterwards

and the winner gets to bang this really hot

chick and the

loser gets to fuck a girl that looks like grimace

and you have like hold her by

flippers and you know

i i get you know those

phone calls you get it like

when you’re just waking up like for us it’s like noon

basically you’re like

still trying to get your shit together and

you know they ask you questions like

so what are you doing

three days from now i don’t know what

you you wanna fight

aaron brink

i guess why not i

didn’t even know what the hell i was that what i was

like okay thanks bye

click and i’m

thinking what the fuck did i agree

a lot of people would have said no

right away well like that

thing about you you’re kind of

crazy yeah they went through like ten people

and that’s so

great and you were the only one who said yes

yeah of course who the fuck wants to fight aaron brink

aaron brink can

fight man yeah he’s good

you know he was a

fighter he was a pro mma

fighter before he ever got into porn

i like the game

show aspect though that’s pretty cool you know

cause you had a chance not to fuck grimace you fucked

yeah it was pretty bad how was that fuck

i was so discombobulated

it really didn’t even matter but it’s pretty bad

your discombobulated from

aaron brink

punching yeah here

feel right here

oh yeah is that broken oh shit you

break your ribs

you feel that

yeah what the fuck is that so like break your rib

ten seconds into the

fight he goes for a double a takedown

i pull guillotine

block with my guard i’m thinking in my head my

inner minor

model looks like

this is so this is too easy this can’t be this easy i’m

gonna choke him out like ten

seconds right

it wasn’t picks me up

stacks me rip pops out and i’m screaming

oh what the fuck oh so like the rest of the

fight was just fucking ugly

ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly man

i was trying i got him locked down in like half garden

trying to pull old

school nothing’s working cause

you know my course fucked

right so when it got to the strike your mind i’m

thinking you know this is just really

gonna suck cause i’m an outside fighter

you don’t wanna

stand in the pocket

even if you have good defense even if you’re fucking

you can’t move well

right and you don’t

want to stay in the pocket with somebody even if you

turn out fucking whitaker you know

so of course i’m

standing in the pocket i have no choice he’s

throwing these punches

only one of the five was getting through

but the fifth one that gets through fucking killed man

and you know i’m

getting all

glass eyed and

googly eyed and shouldn’t

everything and

i think i gotta do i can’t sit i

gotta do something you know

cause like one everyone up

if i was getting through then

it was every other one

and it’s getting

worse and worse and worse

so i just you know

threw off a four

punch combination

he took two steps back

blinked like i hit a fucking

reset button

and came right back at me and then i’m

thinking this is not good

before i can finish the thought this is not good

i’m looking up and the rest

leading over me and he’s

counting and i hear like eight

and i get back up

again and you know i got drop like

three more times you got

wait a minute you guys had a

standing eight

count and mma yeah

wow that’s dangerous yeah

so that is dangerous

standing accounts

allow you to recover and correct

beatings correct especially

good especially

yeah especially if you’re in decent

shape you can recover

the fuck is with the

standing account what was with

getting dropped more than once

did you think

about tapping

no dude i mean you’re crazy

yeah it’s pretty

stupid i have to admit

tyler knight’s a wild man

you had a boxing

match at mario

lopez too right oh

jesus christ yeah

yeah yeah where the

lights on or off mario

actually what kind of oil did you guys use

well we actually we actually shared here probably

mario can box man yeah that surprised

me a really good boxer

my training

my training for that

fight was easter

candy and porn and

you know we both

used to box a wild card boxing freddie wilcher’s place

and everybody’s like yeah they’re

about the same size let’s make him

fight you know

right like fuck

he’s a pretty boy actor this will be easy

first round i’m trying to like

get angles on him and

stuff his footwork is just sick

i’m not afraid to

admit i couldn’t fucking touch him

back in the end of the corner

back in the corner my eyes already fucking

swelling shut and

everything and

my corners like a dude you

gotta you gotta drop because you’re you’re losing badly

wait wait back up back up back up

so before the fight

before the fight even

starts he goes to my

dressing room and he’s like

yeah man i’m hosting the latin

grammys tomorrow and you know it’s gonna be a

great big red

carpet thing

three minutes before we’re

about to fight i’m like why why are you telling me this

and he’s like oh i’ll see you out there

sure enough he’s got a fuck you know

those face masks like

catchers mitts

yeah one of

those one so

after the fight

i’m watching

i’m watching you know

access hollywood

whatever the fuck it is he’s on the red carpet you know

he’s like yeah we fought last

night not a scratch on us and he’s like you know

going this going like this over his face and

everything now

screaming at the tv you wore a fucking cage

fucking ridiculous

so he won those face

guards yeah yeah those

would you wear one if you had the option

nah i mean can’t see out of those

exactly it’s very hard to sing yes it’s a

false security i mean

when you get hit in the head your brain

still rattles around the

skull just to see

it does protect your nose though

yeah it protects your nose and you’re in

your ears no

you know you’re

gonna get fucked up you’re

still gonna get

knocked out

right it’s still easy to you can hurt a guy bad

with cosmetics

but it’s it keeps your nose from

exploding i was so

stoned watching that last usc i thought

randy’s ears look like little baby fetuses like

like six months old they

do look like

they do look

like little

aliens yeah

how confident was chance when you interviewed him

james was very confident but i

think they all are until they

understand what a real grappler can do to you i don’t

think they know

he didn’t get it or he was just

did he get in was afraid to

admit it or what i don’t

think he had good training

i know he did a little bit of work with king mo

and king mo

probably helped him

bit on his grappling

but i think the reality is moe was just

trying to help him and show him some techniques and

learn a little boxing from him i

don’t think he was sparring and

going to war

with really good dudes that were trying to take him

down on a regular basis and that’s what you got to do

and i watched the

countdown show

where they saw his

training and i was

watching him

roll and do techniques with

these dudes and

it felt like i was

watching a karate

demonstration

you know those old karate demonstrations

where someone

would do something he’d

grab his arm and then go like this to god like ah

right no they

would act like

they were getting jacked and you were like this

guy’s kind of putting on a show for me here man yeah

first you do this then you do that kind of thing

yeah so it’s like they were making

james look like he was this

badass grappler but i felt

like i was being lied to i felt like i was being hosed

and even if you were working with really good guys

dude that’s

randy fucking couture

that guy’s an

elite grappler

if he gets a hold you he’s

gonna fucking strangle you

he’s ridiculously

strong in the clinch

he’s got a grappling strength that unless you

have grappled for years and years you don’t even

understand what kind of strength that is you’re not

going to get it

you might look like a really

powerful guy

and you might hit the bag really hard and

you might have good kicks and you

might even have a good sprawl

if rani kotor

gets hold of you he’s

gonna control you like you’re a little girl

he’s just too strong

so good yes

especially a size me like little

smaller guys like fucking carl parisian

jesus christ gorilla

his whole life

throwing people doing judo his whole life

those guys you know

jimmy pedro was here working on the thing

did the cage in my garage

did you just fucking

shake that guy’s hands is he’s an

olympic judo guy

his fucking hands are like

vice grips you know

his whole body is like this

taut thing he’s

throwing goldberg around you know the

wrestler the big giant dude

in my garage

yeah that’s what i

watched into tosser goldberg no that was goldberg

throwing the

dummy yeah but

jimmy pedro’s practicing

throws on goldberg goldbergs fucking gigantic

and this dude who’s

about a buck

seventies toss them around

well bam bam

yeah man those guys are

strong as fuck

that shit’s awesome

yeah the ufc is

it’s a different animal

these boxing guys boxing is a beautiful

sport and i’m a big

you know fan of manny pacquiao

floyd mayweather

especially i look forward

mayweather because he does it without getting hurt

he knows how to be just conservative enough just

aggressive enough

pick guys apart

and you know and if they open up like you know

ricky hatton he’ll drop em

yeah fuck em up he’ll stop em

yeah if all the

grief he gets for

being clinical

about his boxing i

think it’s freaking brilliant he’s a master yeah

he’s a master you have to

appreciate it what he’s doing is masterful

you know what he did with sugar

shane he got hit with one good

right hand that’s it

the fight against zab judah

jesus christ that was

genius yeah he’s a master

he adapted like that yeah

he really is a boxing

genius you know

you know people like what

would happen if you fought an

mma he’d get killed he’d get

taken down he gets squashed

quickly by a dozen guys

a dozen guys

would kill him

but it’s not

mma you know he’s doing a different

sport it’s a fascinating

sport in and of itself

well i had another

motive to be

happy for tony to lose that fight

he actually

judged the fight

against me and

lopez and the

whole fucking

fight he was bagging on my shoes

gagging on my shoes

what did he say

how did you

understand him

was there subtitles

he would like grab the mic and shit it was like him

exactly exactly

yellow yeah what kind of shoes is this

what kind of shoes were they

they were faggot

shoes there was some old faggot shoes

so like yeah like in the second round i actually got a

clean shot on lopez and i dropped him

and i told him he’s like oh he slipped he

slipped he slipped and

during the fight i’m like

god damn it motherfucker you know

james tony can talk some shit with us

i like james as a boxer he’s one of the best man

yeah it’s like trying to punch a

snake he was an artist as a boxer man

watch his fight if you want to

appreciate like real counter punching

watch his fight with iran barkley cause iron

barkley at the time was a you know he’s a bad

motherfucker beating

tommy hearns he knocked out tommy hearns

serious strong

powerful fucking puncher but

james just hit him with the art

you know it’s just like if you watch that fight

that’s a beautiful

fight if you really appreciate someone

like sticking to

their skill set and their game plan

in the heat of fire and overcoming someone with skill

stands right in

front of them

right in front of them

just fucking slip and shots

covering up slip and shots and blam

blam and those

clean shots just land more and more often till

towards the end of the

fight am iran

barker was just getting jack yeah he’s afraid to

throw a punch

down afraid to

throw a punch

covering up like he’s you know is hitting with you know

munitions are coming in and

james just landed

short sharp

punches on him that’s artistic

i love watching

that better better with that than pretty

a whitaker was i

think yeah and you know what you only

get to see that in boxing you really can’t do all that

stuff in mma

because while you’re in the middle of it someone

will clinch or they’ll try to take you down or they’ll

kick your legs

it’s like there is something to be said for just

watching boxing

because they achieve a

level with their hands that

you know is pretty remarkable

and you only

see it in boxing you don’t really get to see it in mma

guys get you know they land a couple of good shots and

you know guys drop or you

know it gets

mixed up but you don’t get to see like the real

calculated boxing matches

you get to see a little bit of

a little bit of a calculated

fighting in

jiu jitsu in

mma oh yeah

two top level

guys i mean you

still get to

see boxing too but you don’t get to see it at the same

level and even

jiu jitsu you know

if you see two

mma guys doing

jiu jitsu together

you know it’s not really

the same as seeing them just do jujitsu not have to

worry about

strikes you know if you

watch like some guys

are brilliant when they don’t have to

worry about

strikes but then when

dudes are punching them and kicking them and

changing yeah they can’t see what’s

going on they can’t grab a hold of techniques as

quickly and they can’t

submit anybody

there’s a lot of the

guys like that that are killers killers in regular

but you had

strikes and they just can’t finish people

but i still like

watching just straight jujutsu

i want to see just that aspect of it at a really high

level just same

thing with boxing

just that aspect of it at a really high

level is fascinating

but for someone to

think that they’re

gonna do one

thing like that and just jump

right into mma

especially boxing if you’re

gonna be able to do one

thing and jump into

mma it’s gonna be wrestling

that’s the those guys

those fucking ben askren characters those

those olympic

medalist guys

who can just come in and in the they can’t

strike at all

doesn’t matter

just get a hold of you drag you on the ground

punch you while you’re down game is over just

close the distance yeah

so we got you into

training we got you in martial arts um

typical thing when you’re like

twelve years old you go to like a

karate a little karate

studio and like a

strip mall kind of thing and

after watching all the bruce lee

movies i figure you know i’m gonna give this a shot and

you know be another bruce lee get my yellow

track suit my nunchucks and shit and

you know bruce lee man

so but how did you get from that to like boxing mario

lopez and fighting air and breaking a porno

like how does that happen

little choices you make

along the way dude you never know

where the fuck they lead you in life man yeah

are you gonna

fight anyone soon are you gonna ever do that again uh

well the funny the

funny thing is dude

i’m like so fucking far you can’t really see this but

this just like a little

multi smoker and i was like

hundred seventy pounds

right i’m like two o four now so it’s

unless i smoke

crack i’m not you just

haven’t been

training i’ve been

trained i’ve been

trained in like two years i’ve been

throwing a punch

so you fought

this aaron brink guy

who’s a real badass

pro mma fighter you fought him you hadn’t

trained at all nothing not at all

dude that’s

crazy that’s

ridiculous what’s

wrong with you

why don’t you call me before you do show

have you tried the fresco menu

at taco bell

what i don’t

know what that means but it’s that diet taco bell menu

which is funny you

still look it up it’s like only five hundred and

twenty calories do you just have no time to

train these days

cause all you’re writing

uh that plus

i’m a little bit on the

pussy website i’m not

gonna i’m not

gonna lie dude

this is hilarious by the way

you know he’s an active porn

star yeah active like currently working banging checks

well it’s a

trade off me you get to you get to do what i do for a

living and you have a relationship you know you have to

you know this reciprocation you gotta

spend time to make her feel like she’s

right you know special so i

had to cut shit out

unfortunately

training was one of you know so

it’s a bitchy

thing to do but you know i

admit it but it’s

why does she not want you to work out

uh it’s not so much work out as

you’re on set all day and

everything you don’t see each

other and you come back and you

smell like pussy and

you know chicks

chicks kind of take offense to that you know

i just did you know her before you got into porn

yeah we we’ve been together ever since like

the entire time i’ve been in the business yeah and how

many how many years you’ve been in the business now uh

gonna be nine years nine

years instead

so is she in the business too

nope no she’s

civilian civilian

so when you met her had you had already worked or

you weren’t yet working or

i was dabbling in it here and there dab cops

you’d already done that

shit but i wasn’t i wasn’t like for

those who don’t know what we’re talking about we say

bukkaki lines

bukkaki lines what we were talking

about earlier in this book

basically just everybody lines up and jerks off on a

chick’s face

yeah there’s

anywhere between

well it started out as a japanese tradition

and it got perverted

by us americans of course like we usually

do how can you pervert that i’ve seen the japanese ones

which is pretty fucking perverted

i saw this one

where a chick was in

she was in the middle of a

on the front of a

plane like sitting in the middle

aisle and they

show her sitting there

and then they show

all these guys get up from

their seats and step forward into the

aisle and they’re all in

their underwear

and they all step towards her and just

start beating off in her face the whole

plane full of dudes slowly beats off her face to the

point where

she’s fucking

glazed at the end of it i mean it’s

it’s just disgusting

dude some of the

stuff i saw on the

okay just so you know i’ve done four or five

these bukkakis

as research only of course

how much they pay

uh fifty bucks

fifty bucks to

jerk off in a girl’s face i failed

every single fucking time but it didn’t

even matter i was out you’re just there to take a

space does any dude have a hard on oh dudes

every dude of just cold

steel hard on loving it eighty

percent of a man

oh my eighty fucking

percent and you

tried everything

you tried everything yeah

it’s funny i’m looking around like believe me

i’m not saying i’m any better than anyone else i’m just

built differently psychologically

i’m looking around this girl she’s like

glazed head to toe and i’m looking at

these guys and they’re like all into it

and i’m thinking there’s something

wrong with me you know

i feel like a loser

cause like my dick is all shriveled up and it won’t

you know i can’t get hard you

know should have brought your fake dick

just in case that happened

didn’t have one back then this is in the beginning

well actually

days actually

actually i did

actually i did come once you know the part

where like you go from like

flash it to set my

heart to come

in in like three

seconds right

yeah and angels tears what i thought

but yeah dude they have these

some of these things these girls like

flipped over in their back they call them pile driver

where their heads are on the ground their ass

asses and pussies up in the air

and their pus

is a problem with these spatulas or whatever

and you know guys just like dumping

their loads in this back

and the pride open

oh my god and then

there’s the come come bong like they put a tube in it

and they’ll make a bong and shit another girl like

like take a hit

right you know

you know snowballing oh my god yeah

have you ever been a part of a dvd a dude

what’s a dvd double vaginal double anal oh god

like does that happen yeah oh yeah double vaginal

double anal yeah two cocks in the same hole that you’re

never gonna take that with a girl says

oh so tight

just just shut the fuck up bitch

yeah that’s

crazy isn’t my

pussy tight no no it’s not i’ve got a video

two dicks in your asshole and two dicks in your

pussy just stop talking

you can’t take

dirty talk from her ever seriously you know

trey parker and mac matt

stone had a band called dvda

that’s how that’s the only reason i know

about that i

learned something there was

a friend of ours

from the man show

his buddy was dating a porn star

and he was dealing with it for a little while

he was dealing with it for a little

while he’s like you know

you know she just sucks no

big deal it’s what she does you know she’s always done

until one day came home and she was

going over her contract for a next scene

and he goes

what’s airtight

airtight is a dick in every hole yet he was like

check please that’s it

that’s it that’s it i’m done

it’s like we

can’t even pretend this isn’t even like someone’s

making love to you on a

beach and this beautiful

lighting it’s

tastefully done and

no there’s a dick in every hole

guys are you breathing

out of your nose to stay

alive right now there’s a dick in your

mouth one your ass one your pussy

they put dicks in the nose so they

could too they just

shoot infected loads all over your body

just injecting you with their dna

check please

yeah how’s that girl

gonna be the

mother of your children huh

certain lines you don’t cross son

oh come on joe we all have our we all have a

skeleton in our

class we do haha

do cue the music haha

um girls girls in the business

have you ever met cool ones how many of them you

think are cool and how many of you think

most of them have something has happened to them

right you know

from what i can gather and i can only

speak to what my personal

experience is right

ninety percent of the girls are cool

you know it’s

it’s the ten percent that the ten percent of anything

in any walk of life that

stands out and you

think oh you know like say some

black dude cut you off in traffic

all black guys are bad whatever you know it’s the same

thing with our business

you know drugs aren’t anywhere near as rampant

as you think it

would be i mean obviously it

exists you know but it’s not like

i get the set and

i’m skiing down mountains of coke you know and then i

start my scene

it’s you know yes it does exist

people with issues you know

exist in and out of porn and

i don’t know it’s

not as that’s

absolutely true that’s a very good

point we just said people with issues

exist in and out of porn

yeah and that’s

yeah fuck yeah

comic show the beautiful

strippers are

porn stars for sure with

microphone the beautiful

thing is what you do you get up on

stage and you

you you have a cathartic

experience and

everyone else can relate to it and you know it helps

make everyone else feel better

about themselves

even if it’s even if it’s just one for fucking

for one fucking split

second that’s

a beautiful

thing you know so

and a twisted

fucked up kind of way i

guess the people in my business we do the same

thing also i don’t

think it’s that

twisted and fucked up as we’re

saying before in the beginning of the show i don’t

understand it i don’t

understand the the

taboo of it

you know i don’t

understand why it’s

something that we’re supposed to be ashamed of

just like this fucking

flashlight people are supposed to be ashamed of the

flashlight i’ve had a

bunch of conversations with people who didn’t

think that it was a smart move

for me to have the

flashlight sponsor

the podcast

and it’s like they were real conversations like

real intelligent people did

you did you

i want to know the

truth did you really just send them a couple of

flashlights and they were

you’re right it’s

no i wish to

know i’m curious probably

wouldn’t like get this out of my home

no i will not tolerate a rubber vagina in my home

yeah there’s something

weird about the fact that we’re so weird

about sex that if you have sex

professionally

even though everybody loves sex dude it’s a what

ten billion dollar industry i mean

huge industry

right there’s only a couple thousand people in the

that are actually

in the industry running the businesses

so i mean that

money isn’t being consumed in

a vacuum obviously it’s being consumed outside of the

microcosm of porn

yes you know so

let me ask you this ma’am because this is curious to me

really fascinating to me

where’s the

money coming from now with all the internet

is it harder to sell dvds now

it must be right

dvds now for the most part are lost leaders

for internet

basically and

how do they make

money off the internet the youtube

channels are what they’re making now you know

like you porn like a lot of

these things like companies own like

streaming youtube

right thing

type stuff now and that’s how

they’re making but how are they making

money no one’s paying for it that was actually

so many sites to

title the threat that

three thousand posts

on the underground

so how do people make

money in porn and it’s

is that the thread that

started you out writing yeah exactly oh

you know so how do they

nowadays it’s increasingly more difficult i mean

without putting

exact figures on it

in the summer of nineteen ninety eight

i earned x amount of dollars

in the summer of two thousand ten i earned a fifth

of what i earned to nineteen ninety

eight wow i mean i’m

still making

living at it but fucking barely man i’m looking at a

point where it’s

it’s steadily

becoming diminishing

returns to whether or not it’s even

worth doing this is supposed to

you know going back to cubicle or something

it’s fascinating because the internet

you can’t be

it’s crushed it’s

crushed that business more than any business

well the government isn’t

gonna step in and intervene like they did with the

music industry in the mainstream film industry is this

funny there’s a

chinese there’s a chinese

act max max

that when your

enemy is destroying itself

get out of the fucking way

yeah so why

would the government

intervene they’ve been trying to you know

put the clamp down on porn forever so why

why if you if you wanted to control society

why would you want

them to not

watch porn they placated

i hear what you’re saying but it but what is it is it

that they have to um

they have to respond to the

the wishes of

their constituents

is that what it is

yeah cause the

other the other

the other is that what it is yeah the

other control is religion

i mean for centuries religions

what do you where’s

when you’re in the business

where’s the pressure come from to

force you guys out

does it come from religious people does it come from

right wing political people what does it come from

not just that we have a lot of a lot of

activists on the left left wing side also that are

that are uh

wrapping themselves

under the guise of

humanitarian issues and you know

thinking that they’re

speaking for

for for the best

interest of the people that are trying the business

right that somehow know they

should get out of it right

right meanwhile they probably watch it

or benefit financially

one way or another from it so yeah

so it’s it’s very fascinating subject

because i remember when they talked

about the porn

bailout there was like

good like people like ask for a porn bailout

yeah and someone

and everybody

laughed it off

like it was just done for publicity ha ha ha

but if that was done

about the music business

which probably

doesn’t make as much

money as a porn business

it’s different because

musicians who makes more

money who makes more money

right but does the

music business

well porn star definitely

probably makes the most

does it make

more than music you

think i don’t

think anymore

well i don’t know

music is struggling too

music is like a lot of artists are making much more

money just doing

their tours now than they are from

their music

well that’s the

thing anybody that can win a

grammy like

musicians or comedians or whatever the

money is going to you

the money that’s being

generating the porn isn’t

going to the to the

to the performers the artist in porn is

going to it’s

going to the companies

basically and it’s disappearing into a vacuum of

of losses because you can’t be free when people

are putting your product that you invest in money in

on the internet a couple of

months later

but i guess a simple way i’m saying is

it’s really not you really

should don’t look at it as how much

money is being generated how much money is

going to the people that are making the product

right you know

but isn’t it fascinating that talking

about that like trying to bail out that industry

even though it’s obviously there’s a demand there’s a

supply and there’s no

victims you talk

about bailing it out and everybody would go

crazy it’d be

it be shoveling

money into a bottomless well dude

you think yeah i know so there’s no way to stop it the

business model

can’t the business

model once the

the internet was the rubicon that you can across

and the ironic

thing is porn has been

has been the one source of

entertainment that’s ushered in new

frontiers entertainment

taking movies from being in people’s homes to you know

movie theaters being people’s homes but the beta

to dvds to you know the

well it definitely pushed

technology right

absolutely that’s what i’m saying

streaming technology

and the same

thing is kicking us in

kicking us in our asses

3d porn though

what about that

pussy farts 3d

yeah oh brian

no i mean i

think that’s a big thing

they’re already filming three d

porn nowadays

so it’s like that has to be the next

thing like really good

three d legs

around you you’re like oh my god i’m in the middle of a

pussy right well as soon as

some sort of

virtual reality

technology as

soon as the

technology comes that that can be you know

disseminated

for free you

know that scott is

limited all

right here’s an important question

what do you think

about the max hardcore situation

now if you don’t know what this is

max hardcore is one of the few guys in this country in

the last few

decades that has been prosecuted and convicted

for obscenity

for his videos

they violated some laws

his videos are fucked up

you know i at

first i was like this is an outrage

how are they doing this and then i

watch the guys

videos and i’m like man

maybe that should be illegal

yeah but i mean

you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want

i’m not got the guy who want to put him in jail but

i don’t feel bad for him

once you once you

cross that line of love of

legislating

taste word is sure

oh yeah i mean someone’s

gonna be offended i’m sure you know

so but as a

human being as a

human being

watching it and seeing what he’s doing it’s all

it’s all humiliation it’s all

crushing girls

self esteem

pissing in their mouths

forcing them to sing

while he’s pissing in

their mouth

yeah and i know that this is all a personal choice and

you know i don’t

think anybody has a gun to that girl’s head

obviously she’s making some

funky decisions consenting

adult but yeah she’s a consenting

adult but dude

then why is that guy doing that

why is he because people

he opened up this

chick’s asshole

okay and held it open with a vice

like you know

pliers or whatever the fuck it was

pissed inside her asshole

and then made the girl drink

the piss out of her asshole

out of her own asshole

this shit got paid for it

by the way that same girl probably does

it all the time to describe that i forget who

maybe some maybe sal in the howard stern show

but just i think that who exactly it was

thinking about that thinking

about someone doing that’s like what the fuck is

wrong with that guy

what’s wrong with that guy why is he doing that

and how is he peeing with a heart on too

pissing a lot like he’s fucking this girl in the

mouth and he pulls out his dick and he’s pissing in her

mouth and then he keeps fucking

and pisses like coming out of her mouth and

pouring down her shirt or

her tits rather yeah

it’s like what

every time i ask that question

to like girls they all

said he deserves it he needs a rotten hell and yeah

every person i know you know girls in the business

right yeah yeah they all say that yeah same

thing it down the line

they all say he’s a

piece of shit just an asshole fucking psycho

there’s there’s those girls man

they’re been there been worse than him

just the way he treats people

who’s the worst

rob black you know

that situation

intimidation tactics

bouncing checks all kinds of things like that you know

borderline coercion he just got out recently

oh really for a very similar situation

what is the

trend what’s up with the

trend in like slapping porn and spitting in girls

mouths and shit

and beating them up what is that all about it’s

it’s not my thing but that being said

you know i mean

there’s a market for people some people

enjoy some people legitimately enjoy

you know being choked or whatever and

you know i some i usually

thought that was bullshit

until i watch sasha gray

yeah some people actually that

bitch off she wants to get her throat fucked

she wants a gag and

throw up and get smacked in the face like she does

like you could see it like that bitch is a freak

there’s some girls that are fake

freaks that bitch is a real

freak and there’s

a lot of people like that that she goes ass

to mouth like a soldier

redonkulous

yeah this girl you ever fucker

no no no do you feel like that’s one you’re missing uh

not really i’m so i’m so fucking you don’t

ever have that like you

never like i used

to get a hold of this new one dude when i was

brand new i’m like

wow i can’t wait to work with this girl i always ask my

age who my fucking now and i was like

alright whatever you know

i’m desensitized man i mean a fucking a midget

sorry little person

you can say measure

hey i’m right here

sorry about that

i don’t want i don’t want get more

death threats

you know a little person little bombs

fuck you up just as well

i mean a midget

unit unit by unicycling or whatever juggling

chainsaws whatever while jerking off to like

whatever i mean that

that’s probably what it takes nowadays

cause i’m so desensitized

cause so you regular porn just

doesn’t do shit dude

no no it’s funny actually it actually comes full circle

now it’s the girl you see at starbucks that you know

stressed normally

and you wonder what she looks like with her

clothes off i mean

right so it’s kind of come full circle

wow so you want to be teased now yeah

that’s cool

that’s fascinating well brian

i like that cool i like that

remember when you were a kid and

used to look at the sears catalog or whatever and the

women of the run i

never did my stepdad was a

freak there’s always

fucking penthouses

so you went straight to like

went straight to point

remember used to find porn in the woods

verifying to pour in the woods

everybody does that

i grew up in boston

where did you grow up new jersey new jersey you

grew up in ohio we all

found poor in the woods

it’s like a university

survived a passage

always something like that i

found it hustlers in the woods i

found a bunch of shit in the woods we used to hide them

hide them in certain places

back in the old days with her natural titties

yeah all natural titties big

bushes too i was looking at some of my old

porn when i was back in ohio recently have i hold old

stack sitting at my mom’s

house and i was

going through it like

oh look at this pam anderson playboy oh

nineteen eighties

pellet playboy i started

going through some old porn the

other day and

i got so turned off because they were wearing condoms

it’s like what the fuck is this remember they

tried wearing condoms for a little

while they tried pretending well they they

should do that man was actually there’s actually an

activist group

right now is trying to make condoms mandatory totally

should do that

as we speak

should you there’s

one company that already does it that’s all condom

based what’s that wickets one of

them yeah wicked

that’s right

still yeah they’re all condom

and i think that’s how it

should be man there’s

well here’s

here’s here’s the

thing there’s some people that do want to

there’s some course

are realistic joe

there’s some point

i want to use condoms but they

can’t voice

their desires because they

never work because

right consumers like us don’t

wanna fucking

see it i totally

understand you not it’s a market

decision i totally

understand you not want to do porn because

they the you know the guys won’t wear condoms i totally

understand a girl making that choice

but you have to know that’s it’s not as

exciting so it doesn’t

stimulate kills the fantasy

yeah i’m like you fucking they’re wearing condoms

yeah how many that

doesn’t feel that good yeah

i’m watching that

i’m like that guy’s like struggling to keep his haha

he’s struggling to keep a hard on

right now right fuck if you

only knew me oh man i don’t know but tell me tell me

jesus how many times you’ve been on set

where your shit just goes limp and you’re done son uh

a lot happened

in the beginning of my career i was like

maybe fifty

fifty no i’m

fifty fifty

fifty fifty was

a roll the roll the roll down

now i’m like ninety five percent

how do you get

called back to work if you fail

you know that’s a good question

at first i didn’t i had to change my

stage name and i went to

the bukkake line

so this is because you failed yeah

but nowadays i mean nowadays kids are

shooting their dicks up with the stuff called cabric

what’s it called cab reject it’s an involved reject yes

it’s embalming

fluid and then you can smoke your dick

afterwards the fuck

wait a minute

wait a minute wait a minute wait a

minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute

they’re injecting and bombing fluid in their desks

to the car yeah who is saying you can do this

20 year old kids that don’t want to go through the

learning who’s telling why don’t they take viagra

doesn’t that

work want to put a little vicks on the balls

that’s like better than viagra

yeah i mean even with i think

even with viagra you

still have to get yourself in mentally

you know i mean dude this you don’t

know it just gets hard exactly

oh i see so some dudes can’t even get it up with viagra

yeah i mean you

could it’s not turned on you

could put me in a room with like my mom and my

grandmom and give me a vigra i’m not gonna get

right right

yet to make the mental leap you know

so camera check

yeah i am you know does anybody ever like get

their dick rot off or anything as

in ever any infections or anything

shooting things in your dick

there’s there’s obviously the open

wound of course when you’re doing

oh it goes further up the risk

what matrix

oh you’re gonna get the

super warts yeah

oh here but you

heard about that one guy that went down to cuba

and did some

porn he came back and give everyone aids recently

no do you know what i’m talking

about like it was

it was brazil brazil brazil yeah i was i was first

generation in that situation are you serious yeah yes

scary times

i was seriously rethinking my life really wow

i direct sex with

the girl that he had sex with that was hiv positive so

right so longest

longest month and half of my life

so the girls hiv positive now because of him

yes now did they what is she taking

things what does

she take for that she disappeared off the face of the

earth man really

no i don’t know

where she is

whoa no one’s

heard of her

whoa so yeah

you can’t fuck anymore

there’s no like hiv positive only porn stars are they

oh they all

work together

because if they did they’d probably give each other

some super aids

the cripple

new stream of aids

my aids mix

with your age

awful porn aids baby

what do you say look out

there looking at their test

sorry you’re only hiv

factor one i’m you know i can’t work with you

factor five hundred they

could only do remakes of zombie

movies no it’s open

wounds and stuff

could you imagine if they had all

terminally ill porn

wow but people who are fucking

probably for the last time ever cancer porn they’re

having a hard time just breathing and they’re fucking

looking at each

other like this so

the last bit of pleasure

they both have

throat cancer

but she does

make a wish foundation

that’s a good way to die

die old right

after you come

your body just taps out

death erection

enough with the death erection

there’s a lot of

weird fucking fetishes man i

think if they’re if someone can

think something like that

about you know terminally

ill porn it’s probably already been done yeah

i heard the

story that was hilarious this girl was a noodle

ain’t doing anal scenes

and so they

were like you have to go into the bathroom there’s

douche and there’s and do

share you know or

whatever your ass enema enema

given enema

you know and come back

and she took a long time and they’re not

gonna die like are you okay and she goes oh

sorry it was hard to

drink that no no

hard to drink it hard to

drink that shit

come on is that true it’s totally true yeah

it’s poor girls

i i used to look at people

any any person that that was like clueless and

lost i used to look at them like ah you fucking dummy

now i look at them like

you’re just a baby that nobody raised right baby

just a baby that got fucked

so i like to

take terrible

hand in life take them into the pool and dip

their little head

it’s hard to

think of people like that when they’re

grown adults and they’re

annoying the

fuck out of you but that’s really what everybody is

just a baby who got fucked over yeah

that’s the thing that

the porn stars that i

meant almost all of them had some fucked up childhoods

but a lot of them are really friendly man

like people always want me to

people always want to hear dirt about

jenna jameson

because her and

tito together and they

cause a lot of controversy but she’s

always been nice she’s a nice person she’s one of the

smartest people i’ve ever met actually

well who the fuck are you hanging out with

i mean i ain’t gotta go that far

look at me she’s a very nice person she has

to take herself a

chance to make

her situation

where most girls have a life career span oh

yeah for sure

you know unsuccessful one of and they

blow you know

couple hundred thousand dollars in making a

couple of years and now she’s she’s set for life that’s

impressive so that’s fucking

impressive but she’s just nice she’s you know

some mean person

but it’s fun

watching chicks

fight on twitter

like she’ll go off on twitter her and

tito yeah will go off it’s

crazy well i’m not i’m not talking

about each other

i’m talking

about her like responding to assholes

right like she’ll go

she’ll respond to haters

like her and

frank muir’s

wife went at it on twitter no way yeah that’s funny

it’s hilarious

man i follow a lot of fucking people that are

angry and you know i still

did you hear that cat stacks

you know cats

taxes she some

chick who fucks all

these rappers then makes

videos and tells on them right

haha and they

still fuck her i guess

they just crazy

but she got soulja boy recently she’s got video of

soulja boy in bed and she’s like rubbing his

chest and she’s showing coke that he did

you know like

what this nigga doing coke look at this he’s like okay

can you see this shit right here

and like it’s a

funny video man it’s

funny that you know she’s already done this before with

other rappers

we talked about all

these different rappers that she fucked and

still these guys people

still let her over the

house that’s

crazy must kiss

a good punadi

man but she’s always

fighting with people on twitter twitter is

just all caps all

screaming fuck you ho

you know i know this

motherfucker did this

right here and i’m

finna tell i’m

gonna follow him

yeah no doubt yeah

it’s a nice

train wreck

there’s a lot of

those on twitter

a lot of people on twitter

that are fascinating to follow

man twitter is my favorite there’s no filter you know

yeah you get them as they are exactly

and it’s really

funny like people

celebrities you get and

singers and actors and

stuff you get

and you get to

find out how seriously they take themselves

did you read that

kanye shit that happened lately

like he just went off and then he

ended it saying

i’m sorry again taylor

you know for

taylor swift at

the what did he go off

about i don’t know i didn’t fall because i was on

in ohio but i just remembered looking and he was just

going crazy and it was on tmz and

everything um

i think that

dude loves attention totally he’s

still talking

about that it’s

still not even talking

about i know what the people that gold digger song was

so good people like let’s just give another chance yeah

you never know i mean he’s obviously

crazy but he can come up with

talent and shit

but the best

thing that he was ever in was that

south park episode

that shit was brilliant

where he didn’t

understand the jokes he beat menci at a

death with a baseball bat

you see that no i didn’t see that oh my god you

never saw the gay fish

south park oh my god dude it’s maybe the most genius

thing that’s ever been on television and

they went so deep and so hard that

it’s just like

you like man

who’s better than those guys

there’s nobody better than those guys

for attacking someone that’s

in the news some some craziness that’s in the news

like pulling what are you doing

oh the song

this is not gonna be cool once you see them you

gotta see the episode

shut it off

that’s gonna make people not want to see it

you have to see the

whole episode for that to make

sense and be hilarious and it is once you see it yeah

it’s on youtube

yeah i’m sure

south park studios com

can you just search kanye episode oh yeah yeah yeah

just do they pull it off if it’s on like

daily motion or something like that they pull

those things down

oh no no it’s

south park’s own thing you can watch right episode

what if somebody

puts it somewhere else they take it down oh i

think so probably

but south park

studios you don’t have to pay for it

right right it’s all

in hd and free how much is that cost to run holy shit

those guys who’s been more prolific than them

those guys abraham lincoln

so much no i

heard abraham lincoln was gay

i heard a lot of things

about abraham lincoln lately man

like what how’d you hear the gay thing

oh some fucking

something he

wrote about

i forget what it was

something about sharing a bed with a man

i’m just picturing

this tall ass

dude back then

with like a fucking feather dipping it in

ink dear john

dipping it back in ink again

well there was

definitely gay people back then

of course the powdered wigs

can you imagine

being around

where we all used to wear powdered wigs weird

clothes those

clothes were so frilly

and roughly

like what was that all about like

crazy ruffles

shirts and yeah the the

wrists were

covered in like frilly

lace and there was like i challenge you to a

sword fight

this is getting out of control and the fucking pop

pieces slap you in the face with

their glove

come on man that’s the gay shit ever releasing doves

and the card

piece to design to draw attention to the package

right yeah i like that

that’s good though

and plus it acts as a cup

you know those

funny pointy

shoes the english

people back in

those states used to wear

basically it

was a phallic

it was phallic advertising

longer the tip

of the shoe and the more curled back into itself

the bigger your

penis is supposed to be wow

so that’s why i always go two sizes

bigger on my

shoes there

you go just to be

loose and i just put

paper towels at the end of it

you stuff you

stuff you stuff

to i snap to your back bro

that’s why i’m always

going like this

i’ve heard a lot of dudes put lifts in

their shoes

fuck that i’m

five ten on a good day i don’t care i’m five

eight i’m shorter than you

yeah but you’re six ten when you

stand on top of your wall that’s all

oh snap son

doesn’t matter dude i love that youtube

video by the way of you when you were younger

that’s weird crazy

weird i was 25

at rascal’s

comedy hour

it’s weird it’s like

weird to watch me do

stand up back then had

nothing to say

about anything

what was your

what was your very

first show like

i mean what was like

getting home

it was like getting on

stage was terrifying

yeah terrifying i was amazed how scared i was

cause i had fought and

probably i maybe a hundred amateur taekwondo matches

i fought a lot of tournaments i fought sometimes

three four times in a day

in these these big

these big tournaments man they would

there’s a lot of people you had to

fight to get the

finals i fought a lot of dudes and it was

scary shit a lot a lot of guys got

knocked unconscious

a lot of guys

get kicked in the face a lot of guys got hurt

i was way more nervous for comedy

wait i was scared out of my mind

for fighting i was always like just

fight smart

keep your hands up make sure you keep moving don’t

do anything predictable don’t be a hero don’t get crazy

go out there do your

thing you know i

could rely on my skills

and i knew like if this guy was really good i

could stay on the outside i can move away

you know i could wait

until he slows down before i attack i had some options

but there was no options for me when i got on that

stage i have to be

funny like they have to

laugh at the

shit that i have to say you know what the difference is

it’s the fourth wall man it’s the

theater term like when you’re on

stage and you’re acting on stage

there’s obviously

stage left stage

right and you know

upstage and downstage whatever

there’s three walls

2020 theater

and what there isn’t a wall is between

you and the audience and you have to put that wall up

and imagine there’s something like maybe a

clock or a door or something

to seal the audience office

still be organic

and use the

whole space

when you’re

fighting somebody

and you’re in that

tunnel visions

mode or whatever basically

you’re not interacting with the audience you’re

focusing on one person

you’re forced to live and die

on how organic you can be with a person when you on

stage you know

and you’re storing

yourself for comedy so i have a lot of respect

matter of fact you know if you remember this but

like was like

back in like january i was all crying like a bitch

so i had to read in

front of like

thirty people

and i’m like i’m scared

and i sent you

a text my dude how the fuck do you do it man just do it

what were you scared of

i had i was reading

a couple of

short stories

in poetry at

a place in the

lower east side in new york and

yeah goes to

those poetry slams and picks up

smart chicks

oh like a poetry

poetry readings

well yeah oh wow so uh

yeah just i was reading his stories

that’s cool

you ever have like the mike myers guy come that goes

woman woman

you know what i’m talking

about no what’s that

you ever see that

movie i saw i

married an axe murder

oh yeah yeah yeah

like nineteen eighty nine

the movie doesn’t hold up so you had some like really

powerful poetry

get you in tears

uh just shit

about real life dude oh that’s awesome

yeah yeah but he was worried

about doing it i was like you fuck in

front of people

that’s cool why was he

worried because it’s it’s

in a closed off environment it’s a totally different

thing you know yeah

comedy is a

funny thing man it’s a

funny thing to interact with people like that and

you know until

one person talks the

other person watches

very very strange thing

and the the

amount of hate that people have for you in the amount

of uncomfortable feeling in the air when it’s not

funny and you’re

still talking and you’re

annoying them

and your set’s

not done it’s not good and you got a lot of time to go

and you got no way to dig yourself out of this hole

cause you’re you know

21 years old you really not

fucking shit to say

about anything

you really shouldn’t even be on stage

yeah you know you’re only

going on there

to get attention try to figure out how to do it

other people’s expenses

bombing is the

worst feeling ever

that’s why everybody’s

afraid to do it it’s a very unsatisfying feeling

losing in front of people like losing a

fight is not nearly it

doesn’t feel as bad as bombing

why is that

hmm i think

my guess is is because when you’re bombing

it’s a little bit of you that you’re putting out there

yeah well losing

is just your performance you know i mean

it’s definitely you

you know it’s one

thing if you lost like a

bitch like if

you you know you tapped out when you didn’t have to

right you know there’s one

thing like you’re

disappointed in yourself like you

you fought you

let the guy have the triangle because you were scared

dudes have done

things like that or you’re just

tired don’t want to

fight anymore yeah yeah yeah or yeah you

should have trained

your conditioning suck there’s that kind of feeling

which is very

disappointing but

if you fight your ass off you

fight your heart out and you lose

this there’s no loss

i mean it’s

you lose but

you fall with honor

you know you you

realize that you have to get better and you’re gonna

learn from your mistakes well that’s the

key i feel like

anybody hates you mistakes are fucking beautiful you’re

never gonna

get better at anything

unless you make mistakes

jesus christ when i

started writing and you’re

gonna laugh in here so i’ve only been writing a year

which which is a joke because you

know there are

guys that are far better than me that have been writing

their entire lives or whatever

but uh yeah but it

doesn’t mean you have

to make mistakes in

order to get better time

is terrible time is not nearly

as important

time is important

but the most important

thing is talent

the most important thing

town is a strange

word because a lot of times people take it to mean that

it comes easy that you’re born with it i don’t

think it’s that there’s a certain intelligence

that people have for different things

some people

have a mathematical intelligence just inherit

they can just

count my friend johnny

i used to be able to

throw numbers at him used to

throw numbers at him and i

would do it in a

calculator and he

would be as fast as a

calculator he was just

he had a mind

for mathematics and he said he had always had it ever

since he was a

child wow yeah his father was a

musician there was some sort of a mathematical

thing in his in his lineage

i don’t have that

but some people have it for different things

and you’ve got it for writing

and that’s what it is it’s just you

appreciate writing you

understand what you appreciate

about it you have ideas and thoughts

and you know how to get

those ideas and thoughts across it’s a talent

you could fucking

it’s like comedy

there’s dudes who do comedy for

fucking decades and they can’t do it

there’s something

wrong they’re not really

getting it they’re not connecting with the audience

they’re not

coming off organic organic they’re not saying

things that people

want to hear they just can’t do it they’re trying hard

they’re working at it they’re just missing

comedic intelligence

a lot of what we do in common is we’re both

storytellers

you’re telling a

story and we’re both connecting and relating to

other human beings and

i think the

underlying the underlying

thing is the

human condition whether you’re whether you’re an

eskimo you know

looking at the borealis

and your wife just left you for

for the guy that club seals better than

you do or right or whether you’re you know

running around

to the jungles of uganda or whatever you know

and your wife left you for a

guy that blows a fucking blow gum better

human pain suffering love joy all

these things they’re universal

everybody it

doesn’t matter

where you are we all feel

these things the better you can

articulate and relate

these things

and way that another

human being can

understand it the better you’re

gonna be you know that’s that’s what’s all

about do you feel like doing

crazy shit like fighting

aaron brink and you know doing boxing matches and

all this wild shit that you’ve done

has given you uh more of

an understanding

about the the really extreme

experiences of life and that’s one of

things that makes you a good writer

yeah and that plus what you said earlier

about when you’re

twenty one year old kid and just

starting out i’m almost forty

i’m thirty it’ll be

thirty nine a couple of

months had i

started writing when i was younger

it would have suck

cause i had nothing to fucking say

yeah no life

experience i don’t i

wouldn’t have

known what it was like to have a

been with the

girl for a decade and have a relationship and badly and

or you know have someone i really

cared about i

think you would have

still been good

you know you just

wouldn’t have had the same

things to say

about the you

still would have had

things to say

like you know like when i

first started doing comedy i

definitely wasn’t very good

i didn’t have anything to say but

i got good at commenting

through doing that i get good at

understanding the

rhythm of it and the

yeah if you just

started earlier

you would have

still been you

man you’re not giving yourself enough credit it

wouldn’t have

been the same but like i have a lot of writing

on my blog i

started a blog i

think i started in 98 98 or 99

and i’ve been writing

fairly regularly

since then sometimes i’ll go back and read my old shit

and read like how i got

started into writing

and see how it’s

evolved and

grown and you

could see it man you see that

pollution it’s

right there in the writing

yeah i purposely don’t go back and re edit

the older stuff on my blog

would spin up for a year

which is yeah me

too i don’t

cause exactly you

wanna go back and look and see how

far you progress sure it’s a moment in time and people

say that to me

you know hey

i really enjoy

watching the

progress in your writing you see it grow and gain

confidence i want people to see that because

i don’t want you to just see

me at my best i don’t mind you seeing the flaws and the

stuff that’s not so good and

the typos and the

errors that i had from 1998 i don’t need to go fix that

i wish it went back farther where it

would say i like legos and i like purple right

i found an old

comic book that i drew

when i was six years old

nice mom found it yeah i used to draw

comic books i used to make

my own comic book staple

them together and shit

zero fucking nuts man it’s nuts

going back and looking at your life

very very fucking strange

very strange what was your comics

about mine was mostly robot

transformer type stuff

mine was all

monsters from

space really

we should do a joint

comic book sometime

you know we

should yeah we should

you like one page i

write the next

and neither one of us knows what’s

gonna happen exactly we

would just have to figure out who gets to end it who

gets to start

it that’s right

that’s a good idea

i would like i like the idea but i’m too fucking lazy

to draw all

those characters out but that’s hardly

draw anymore

once a week it has

to be something so even if it’s you just some papers

going boom or something

like that my

daughter loves

to draw so i draw now more than i’ve ever

drawn in like years

we’re constantly drawing

things i love it

yeah the best is when

restaurants you can draw in restaurants i always draw

like boobs and

stuff and then when the waitress comes i put the

bread on and so she can’t see it and then when i

leave i take the

bread off and then oh

well they have

those little menus for kids with the crayons they

bring on sometimes too and it

draws tits on them

it’s boobs everywhere for me

yeah you would love piranha

3d really you

would love it coming

right at you

you just wanna see

tits the only

problem i have with is the preview was one of those

movies i was like that looks like the

worst movie i’ve ever seen it wasn’t the

worst movie i like

the original

it was not the

worst movie ever

it’s what it is is

a dumb movie that knows it’s a dumb

movie that’s good so

it’s good for what it is

and the chicks are high

and there’s a lot of special effects

it’s not bad

it’s fun let

me get to know what it is i

guess it takes

place during spring

break or something

dude how strong

how strong is your mind

that’s what i would do

how strong is your how many

how many decapitated

boobs are there in

there oh there’s a lot a lot of decapitation a lot of

everything that’s what i was

guessing it’s the goriest

movie i’ve ever seen

right movie with the most hits i’ve ever seen wow

both together

it’s very strange i

still read it all

yeah yeah rate it out

yeah you don’t ever get

to see pussy

you just the girls are

naked but you know they just do it

right where they

blur out the

snatch and move

things and you know

there’s always a leg in the way

you know even when they’re

swimming don’t really get to see their

pussy is there any part

where there’s genitals on a fish and that yes

is it really yes

yeah i can’t tell you

i don’t wanna i don’t

wanna spoil it

like spoiled fish

just go see this

shit no not fish vagina oh i thought there was like no

no dudes dick

no um it’s a

it’s worth saying

i had fun wait was that

we were twittering

about last night

yeah okay i’m not

gonna spoil it

yeah that was

funny as fuck

did you see

scott pilgrim

yet versus the world

have you seen it yet joe

no no haven’t can i see that too

yeah yeah people keep saying that you said

that a couple times and love you really liked it huh

great maybe

it’s nice when a good

movie comes out man the

tron movie looks really fucking strange that

preview kind of

builds up my excitement

it’s like we’ve seen

john bridges as a

young man again yeah

they cgi to his face

wait wait really

young man i didn’t know that

i thought it was him

no there’s an old him and the

young him in the preview wow yeah there’s him

from when he

first made the

first tron movie

they like they

recreated his face like that and it’s really realistic

the lips are off a little bit

the lips are off a little

bit when he’s talking there’s something looks funky

about it i did not even catch that

oh you didn’t

catch that no

i must be two versions

there’s the old version

old old jeff bridges who’s actually

alive today and then the

young one who’s in the game

wow the guy

first meets his dad he’s like dad

he’s like i’m not your dad you know it’s like it’s a

young version

gotcha but it’s pretty tripping

so he needs a redo altered states

yeah i’ve thought

about sleep

deprivation shit

yeah what the fuck

sleep dep no

sleep deprivation

sensor sensor

see a sensor deprivation yeah jesus

it’s the shit man you wanna you

wanna to explore

your mind you

wanna get really creative

no you cause you’re a

writer scares me dude why it

scares me the shit

the shit the

shit that’s filtered

behind the dam

right now i’m fucking afraid

you gotta get

in there and look around son i need to make a

sequel to dark crystal

no but she needs

to get an isolation tank you need to do it man

for your writing it’ll be huge trust me

where do you live

hollywood hollywood

there’s a place

in burbank you can go to called soothing solutions

and there’s a really good

place you’re serious

oh fuck yeah i got one in my basement

yeah i just that’s my move

i just used the

closet the the sensory deprivation

chamber has been the most important tool that

i’ve ever used for for mine for developing my mind for

thinking for

evolving so i’m not gonna like

think i’m like a half a path are you

probably would

do that too

because they also

should no you

definitely have you’ll

never come back

definitely have

crazy psychedelic

experiences in there

definitely but it is also it’s a very

powerful fear form of

of looking at yourself like

introspective thinking

now you lose it when this is

going on your sort

yeah sometimes

you go in and out

you go lose it and then you know

like you it depends on how much you can let yourself go

the whole thing

about the isolation tank is

the tank is filled with

water the water is heated

to the same temperature as your body and there’s 800

pounds of salt in the

water so the

suspension is

yeah you float

and so you don’t have to

worry about sinking and drowning

so you just

float there and

relax and because the

water is the

temperature of your body you don’t really feel it

after a while once you settle in

in this total darkness because the

thing is closed off sealed

total silence you don’t hear anything your ears are

underwater and how long does it take for this to

start working on

see that’s the important

thing it’s how

much you let go and how comfortable you are with the

experience because there’s like

control and your feeling of trying to control

things in your body and in your mind it’s like

layers of an onion

and when you first

start doing

the isolation tank you can only get a couple

layers of the onion in

a couple skins loose

you can’t really

go to the core it’s too hard it’s too hard

to completely let go who you are

but as you get better

at it and as you get more and more comfortable with the

experience you get better at

actually letting go really letting go letting go from

letting go letting go from the feeling of letting go

letting go from that point okay

i’ve let go no you

haven’t let go more

go more like

little more

and then yeah and then you become

gone you disappear and then

while you’re

disappearing have you been fuck yeah

while you’re disappearing this is this what happens you

start thinking i can’t believe i’m disappearing

fuck then you’re back

again you’re gonna

start from square one

you gotta let go and you

gotta let go and you

gotta let go and you

gotta get to the

point where you

literally completely

relax and your body

gives you amazing energy

your body the tension release

that you have in your body from a couple

hours in the tank is incredible you feel lighter

you feel like

more oxygen is in your body you feel like more vibrant

and it’s just

because you’ve somehow another calmed the tension

now what’s the longest you’ve

been one of

those tanks couple

hours whose fucking phone is near the

not mine shit is

shut your shit up bro

mine’s off is it

dude that’s

fucking fascinating it’s fucking incredible man you

would love it

you would love it you need to do it you’re a

thinker i’m down

for it i’m down for it dude

what it does is

the first twenty minutes or so for me at least

it’s like sort of a seminar in my life

it shows me all the different issues in

my life that i don’t like and then it need to fix and

things that are bothering me

things about my own behavior that it

could have been better and

things that

where i’m disappointed in myself and then

it’ll show me some

things where i’m on the

right track

this is good continue here continue doing this continue

thinking like this continue exploring

these ideas

but then once it gets me done

it’s like let’s let’s let’s

clear out all this bullshit in your life

then let’s think

about the big

picture and then it goes from that to

this sort of relaxing

position where

my whole body is just settled into the

experience and then

it’s just pure thought it’s like the mind

completely untethered from the body

and then i start contemplating

everything i

start contemplating the universe and contemplating

the role of

human beings in each

individual’s

actions all accumulating together to one specific event

i start thinking all kinds of

crazy crazy shit

but without the body in the way

right without

even us having

this cool conversation here we’re sitting here on a

couch we’re looking at each

other we’re looking at computers and there’s

sounds and noises and there’s a lot of distractions

you know just your body is a distraction

yeah we’re still

self aware the fact that we’re here

yeah man the tank i recommended to so

many people and so few people take me up on it i’m like

man you don’t know what you’re missing you got some

crazy fucking environment that

doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world

and it’s fairly inexpensive to achieve

if the tank was something

where it was a machine

and you would have to

strap yourself in

and they would take you through a course

where you would

learn how to get to the center of consciousness

where your body and your mind didn’t exist

it would be like a ride on disneyland and the line

would be seven hours long

but because it’s this

weird sort of

organic method of doing it it seems strange

like you’re

going to get in this big coffin filled with

water and you

close the lid i get claustrophobic

and people start

coming up with reasons why they don’t want to do it

it’s so important everybody

should do the tank

you will learn more

about yourself than any other way

and if you have an aversion

to drugs which totally makes

sense if you

think that like

drugs are dangerous you get addicted to

things that’s true you can if you don’t

trust yourself you don’t like the idea

you can have very

introspective

psychedelic

experiences

naturally in the tank

everybody should be doing it

it’s a fucking amazing way to

think and this assault your

creativity a lot fuck yeah

it’s responsible for ninety percent of my thoughts fuck

i my all my

evolution the

evolution of all my thoughts almost always takes

place in the tank because

when i have an idea

or i have a concept or something that i’m working on

two things i’ll do one

i’ll sit down i’ll

flesh it out

i’ll write what i

think about

things just kind of off the top of my head

and then once i’ve done that once i’ve really kind

of exported then i get in the tank and i rethink the

whole thing

and then when i rethink the

whole thing sometimes in the tank i consider

other places

where other

points of view i consider

other ways of looking at it

where i may not have been as sensitive to

another person’s opinion coming from another position

and i look at the

whole thing almost like outside of myself

without your

real life issues getting in the way and

yeah and look at it how

other people

would see it

look at my thoughts and my ideas and my behavior

as other people

would see it

whether they’re biased or unbiased

whether they’re seeing it

for what it really is

or that they’re seeing it for what they

would like it to be because they’re

upset of themselves

and how all that can be

manipulated

and adjusted and

you can get to a

point where you’re not

annoying people with your thoughts nearly as much

there’s so much

thinking that goes on in that tank there’s so much

evolution that goes on in there that it seems

like it’s almost impossible to do outside of there

because there’s no distractions in there nothing at all

it’s just the thought it’s an amazing environment

it really should be

taught in schools

all university

should have them they

should have them and they

should make them

available to all of

their students one of the

greatest tools ever for

exploring thinking exploring the way you think

and sort of making an

audit of all your own personal thoughts and ideas and

which ones are you hanging on to because of your ego

which ones are you hanging on to because they’re

beneficial to you

which ones are

you hanging on to because you hate your dad

and he put these in your head and so they’re

stuck in there

just it’s so fascinating man it’s so few people do it

i hate to rant on this anymore than i already do

but i just i don’t

understand it i keep talking

about it and people don’t do it i’m like you’re

crazy so think

a lot of it

yeah well i

think a lot of it is probably

price and i’ve been reading a lot of

forty bucks bro how much do people

spend going on the weekend

cheaper than therapy man

yeah forty bucks but that’s what it is

i would say in

california a lot of people

spend forty

bucks on massages and doing

things like that but when you’re in ohio

forty bucks is like damn it’s either

i buy a bag of weed this week or i’m

getting it’s

water you don’t have to

float every week

dude i i tell you man the

psychedelic

experience of

floating is is more intense than weed

do you like hallucinations

yes yes yes some

people don’t

though i’ve been reading i’ve been read like

doing a lot of following

since we talked

about a lot and then i’ve

been a lot of people to say you know like i’ve gone

three times nothing’s ever happened and

i have names for

those people yeah

you know what

those people are they’re

dummies dummies

this is or this

is the deal shitty

places that they’re

going to there’s

water there is not right but

it’s not even i shouldn’t say they’re

dummies what i

should say is people are impatient they want

things to happen right away

it’s a difficult

state of mind that you have to put yourself

into to really connect with the universe in one of

those things

and you have to

learn how to let

everything go and there’s some people that cannot let

things go because

their view of the

world is very distorted and they have to

protect that view and they lie to themselves every day

to protect that view

and then when you’re in the tank and

these thoughts just come

right to the surface

people battle with them and so they have arguments in

their mind about

these thoughts and ideas

and then it’s an uncomfortable

experience and they

never let go so they

never go they’re not comfortable with themselves enough

to actually look themselves

they have to be able to look at themselves

if you can’t do that you can’t get in the tank

but if you can

you just gotta

learn how to slowly

relax that’s all it is you gotta

learn how to

relax and let go

and once you do once you do it for a

bunch of times

and you get

really good at it you become like a master traveler

you become a person like i’ve done it so many times now

and i’ve had them for so many years

that all i have

to do is if i take a couple weeks off though i struggle

i struggle and i have to have introductory periods

where i’m getting back to the

state of mind

it’ll take a little bit

but once i do it

three or four days in a row or

four times in a week or so

you know then it really

starts to kick in see that was my next question is

it i was thinking i was

gonna ask you if it was

a situation

where you do it enough and you

don’t need the tank and you can just get tested a mile

by yourself

i mean you can get somewhere you can put like a wet

sheet on you and no i mean

it’s all about

diving into the mind it’s all

about diving into the mind and

avoiding all the distractions i mean that’s what all

meditation is

about it’s really

about sort of exploring

the inner sanctum of your consciousness without

outside influences without

thinking about all the

things that are

around you in your environment just concentrating on

the thought like a lot of people do it with breathing

you can achieve some pretty intense

states of mind like

buddhist monks

meditation but you can get

right there

where it takes

them hundreds of years or whatever the fuck it takes

to you know sitting in them

you know a monastery with

robes on with your fucking head shaved you can get

right there in a tank in like a week

you know like you don’t you don’t have to do all that

crazy go to the mountain top shit

the tanks way nuttier

if you ever

heard of like

audio chirping

where you start chirping by listening to different

audio you know i

tried it out once

and it does i did get really relaxed i

never went to

you know all

the way or anything like that but there’s people that

that believe in that shit

will totally make sense of

music affects your mood absolutely

i mean it’s

a vibration in a good song like gives you like a

crazy charge it’s like weird

sounds though

some songs make you cry man you know

you know some songs

especially when you’re younger

it’s funny how you look

back at songs that you thought were fucking incredible

back then yeah

today you just like

you know the song captain jack

captain jack

i could find it

billy joel you know that song

well how’s it go

oh you got you got a

plan i can’t say

yeah i used to be that way with

the jump from the

pointer sisters oh

i really got you

it really got me

every time i heard it

it’s a message of joy

it’s a message of joy

all right hey yo captain jack

that was billy joel

billy joel it doesn’t look like billy joel but

it looks old it’s gotta be billy joel this might be

no no no no no no no you gotta find billy joel captain

jack billy joel maybe that’s not the name of the song

here we go okay this song

made me cry

when i was a kid we don’t have to play at all

why are you

going live stop that stop that

never go live never

kill it

never never go to live performance so it

sounds like shit

you better get in a fucking

soundproof box and sing dude

here you fucking singing in front of an

arena from the thousands of people if i’m not in that

arena save it yeah the energy doesn’t

translate yeah i mean

it’s cool to see people perform live don’t get me wrong

but watching live performances

live too you fucking homo either i live

brian it’s out there i swear to god it is

my pointer video for it i don’t know

maybe that’s why that’s probably

gonna be a video for fucking billy joel you think wow

all these are live really yeah

okay why don’t you go to itunes then

okay something like some mp3

thing we can just stream things

we suck at internet

i’ll try to find it

so how long have you kept this blog up

started in july of 2009

how many hits you

getting on like a regular basis you get a lot of hits

it’s it’s funny i was only getting like

maybe 30 40 hits a day

until of all people

fucking tucker max came across my blog and he

started a writing thread on his

form for me

really and just

just like that

it was up to like fifteen thousand a day just god

damn overnight and

it did sold a lot of fucking books you know so

yeah it’s got a pretty loyal

rapid fan base

that’s fucking awesome of him yeah he

uh he did that

very i mean look at he

he uh you know he had nothing to gain

from you know taking me taking me aside and you know

telling me that i

should pursue and actually

have something and he had nothing to gain whatsoever so

it doesn’t happen that

often in this

world you know

it doesn’t so

yeah it doesn’t

where people have

power and they

reach out and try to help people with it yeah

so i respect that

no strange so yeah i mean it’s dipped off

it’s dipped off

quite a bit

since then but you know it’s

this is it

this shit used to make me cry

keep it going that’s just the preview that’s it yeah

well you buy the song

fuck i don’t have an account on here how dare you oh

dear wonder you don’t got depressed fucking junkies and

closet queen that’s a good goddamn

song billy joe could sing his fucking ass off

billy joel the young billy joel was a bad motherfucker

but then billy joel got that christy brinkly

pussy and that shit just wrecked him

that christie brinkley like having like a

super hot wife like that and being super rich

whatever dude

after that it was uptown girl

she’s been living

yeah that was good if you had a lobotomy

it’s not the same music man the other shit had passions

soul more commercial the other shit was

black and white while the rain going on the

background you know the other shit was brilliant

how come you can’t connect so we can hear it through

some working earlier

try it again because these speakers suck dick

you just pull out everybody’s speakers

turn it down a little bit

this song used to depress

the fuck out of me when i lived in boston

i’m a grown man in

the lyrics of depressing me this song is

to me this is when i was like 14 15 years old

convinced that i was gonna be a loser

sitting in my fucking bedroom

snowing outside nothing to do

not knowing what the fuck my life is all about

sucking at school

hating every second of it

seeing all these idiots around me what year was this

me for me the song was a long lot

earlier than that but for me

this represents like nineteen eighty one to me

this is why i used to cry listen this shit

in the closet please

and i don’t

like the way you singing this it’s not as good as the

studio version keep it

going though fuck it

because it’s such a badass song

hear that crowd going nuts

man what a rush that must be huh

what he knows he’s got a badass

lyric like that captain jack will get you high tonight

take you to your special island and the

place goes fucking bananas

just rewind back to where he says that

rewind back to where he says that

it’s not working

flash will not allow you to do that joe what

does flash suck that bad of course it does

oh he’s killing me here kill it

yeah when he was younger there was like a purity to his

voice there

was like a purity to his intent when he was saying

these things like you really believed it

then that like as he got

older it’s like he’s singing it

probably like the

tenth song in his set too

well yeah and then

you know he

sang that song

a fucking hundred million times and loses meaning

after a while

but man when he was

young that shit was deep

fuck it’s the

first time i’ve ever

heard it and i’ve

been that guy you know that he’s singing

about you know

the same fourteen year old kid you were

i mean we can all relate

to that shit that’s why it’s a good song you know

how much depression is

there in the porn business there’s a lot of depression

going on that business huh

yeah you know the

funny thing it’s it’s

people deal with it in different ways man i mean

people deal with it in different ways i happen to be an

introvert so i go into my little

world and i sit behind my

stupid little keyboard and i vent

and i that’s

therapeutic to me you know so

but yeah i mean

you’re in a situation

where you’re doing

your career and even if you’re the best in the fucking

world at your career

the best in the

world you know

you’re still

less regarded

than a guy that picks up the garbage on tuesdays

so that’s that’s

yeah people must

like wives want to

avoid you they don’t want you around the house

yeah and you have to be

you have to like temper conversations

about people less than

i mean it goes back to mass loss hierarchy of

needs i mean you need to feel like you’re accepted and

loved by other people i mean i don’t care how much of a

loner how much of badass you

think you are

acceptance is one of the

pivotal key

things that makes us human

right and when you can’t

be accepted for who you are what you do you know it’s

it’s fucking

tough man that

alone even if it wasn’t you know chugging cock or

slinging cock or whatever

even if you were

a food taster and you know food tasting was somehow

right you know

a taboo profession whatever it is you know

so i mean i

meter maids man

meter maids get depressed as

fuck oh my god

hate on you all

that case in

point they probably get

attacked all the fucking time

it’s a fascinating

thing man i will

never understand i mean i do

understand obviously

you know people are embarrassed and people want

to project morals on our society and they

wanna adhere to a certain

standard of behavior and they don’t

think the girls

should be out there wild and fucking in the streets

i understand why

they’re trying to not promote that like they don’t want

their daughters getting involved in this they want

these cd people involved

but i don’t i don’t

understand all the hate i’ve

never understood all the hate

uh could be coming from a

place from within

where they’re

not comfortable with themselves in some areas

maybe they’re repressed

which should be amazed how many

people actually repressed and they and they take the

exact opposite of uh

like being outwardly

aggressive about and

everything i mean you see this all the time when

you know form so like you know you post all the

time you see people that are seriously regressing this

repressed and they’re

aggressive against

other people they’re doing what they wish they

could be doing or whatever

right right

right dude you

gotta sign up to my

board i did last

night did you i did

i did last night

yes what’s your name on there

tyler knight cool

he’s tyler knight

everywhere son

it is not the fuck

i didn’t know if he’s

gonna be like username for to nah no

why would he

when he’s got

a lot of people don’t do that yeah but it’s

smart to me he’s trying to promote his

shit you know

trying to get people to read a shit

so um do you have anybody that’s interested in

publishing you right now

i just finished

ninety thousand word

novel which took

forever to write what’s it

about um it’s a romantically

novel basically it’s

a character strongly

based off of myself and my

experience in the business

the stories on my blog

are for the most part

stories that i fictionalized i

changed names and you know

slightly off the situation so i don’t get like

trouble live rat anybody out

all vampires yeah

fucking real life is stranger than fiction yes sparkly

sparkly porn stars yeah

real life is

changing the fiction man so you know salami

right you know

salami yeah we used to roll together

yeah of course

salami invited us all to his

porno party it’s one of my best blogs that i ever wrote

you could find it online if you just

google joe rogan

net porno party you find on the blogs but it was

they had an outdoor showing

of one of salami’s porn films

and invited like a bunch of dudes come down and

watch it one of the fucking strangest

things i’ve ever seen in my life

we’re all standing around though they have this

giant projection stream

watching chicks get fucked

yeah it’s a little uncomfortable so uh

what do you talk

about you know

well what we talked

about is the girl who was in the scene she actually

i talked about this before so

briefly there was a girl who was in the scene

who was on a date

and she did

not tell the date that she was a porn star oh shit

and so she brings the date to the

screening and this is outdoor in this

giant parking lot they’re blowing up on a building

and we’re out there and

she’s just getting gorilla fucked

19 feet tall

yeah ass to

mouth ass to

mouth blu ray

gagging gagging

while he’s fucking her mouth

this guy just fucking the shit out of her

and the kid

gets out of the car with her

and this is the first

thing that he sees he looks up and he sees the screen

and this guy’s

going ass to

mouth on her

now have you noticed

jesus have you noticed anything with

like blu ray like everyone

saying like hd now is different you know jay lino

has to worry

about makeup now are you concerned more

about your asshole

now you’re like oh my god yeah you see

shit you don’t want to see

right yeah jay

leno has to

worry about makeup

well you know like nowadays like tv actors are all

freaked out because

they have to have like better makeup and it’s close to

you don’t look perfect god damn it

yeah yeah so the real

problem is with actresses

i think with a lot of

makeup on they look great

and you know a non hd but then you see an hd you like

this fucking makeup this

bitch has gone on what the fuck do you really look like

the mirror of

truth man that’s why i’m glad i’m at dude the pressure

to oh no look a certain way so much easier

so much easier for a dude all dude as dudes be

successful that’s the biggest

after you say

in the world man

yeah for chick man what a

grind man trying to keep up being sexually

attractive forever

and that’s the only

thing you’ve got

yeah that’s why there’s nothing sadder than old hookers

there’s nothing sadder than like some old

chick that’s

still trying

to get guys to be sexually into her it’s like

she never made the

transition to the next

stage of life she never

figured out a way to develop

a personality

it’s so funny you said that there’s a book i just read

for like the

fifth time it’s called last exit to brooklyn

by hubert selby jr he

wrote a record

for a dream

he wrote that okay

and there’s there’s

it’s a series of

short stories one of the

short stories is

about a hooker

who was really beautiful during like

world war two in brooklyn

and she was you know servicing

sailors and

stuff like that

and instead of taking her

money and getting out she stayed

and like this is in the 70s now or whatever 60s 70s

and she’s still hooking

and she’s not the

fifth of the

woman she used to be and it’s really fucking trust now

oh this it’s it’s fiction but she was like well

in like her fifties or whatever and

still hooking in

it’s a weird

thing for women because they go from being not just

attractive but

magnetic yeah

where men will do anything for them and

stumbling over them

they go from that to eventually being a monster

being something that’s

completely unattractive

and they’re repulsive

and they go to

touch a man he’s like shrieks can you imagine

think about this okay

can you imagine if you know you have your you have your

success you have your fan base now

can you imagine if your

if you’re talent as a comedian

was something that deteriorated over time

while she was

there for women

and how would that affect you psychologically you’d be

crushed you’d be

crushed it’s amazing

it’s amazing

more of them don’t jump off bridges that’s why

you go right to baby

yeah well for

women then it becomes a different

state of consciousness as it becomes taking care of the

babies and being the mom and

focuses off yeah i

never understood that

until i saw it happen

and i’m like oh so it’s like it’s just the next level

of understanding it’s the next

level of thinking you just you become one with this new

phase of who you are now

well let’s let’s look at the very beginning when

the other side of that when did you realize that you

a had something with your comedy

and b when did you realize what

was it that you made you realize when you made it that

you made it as far as your

skill level and you know you’re accepted for as far as

knowing what

be when i could do it

knowing when i had something with comedy

that shit took years there was even when i

would have good sets like many many years and i

still felt like a

fraud you know

cause i’d see somebody

who was really good and i was like fuck you know

and i grew up in boston

which had a

tremendous amount

of really good

strong headliners

that really kind of stayed in the area and

never left they were

just as good as any

mainstream big name national acts like

these guys like don gavin and

steve sweeney and

kenny rogerson

they were like top flight comedians like all over the

world and so i was always comparing myself

to them and i was like i fucking suck you know come

on doing here

you know yeah i’m getting some

laughs and i’m

doing okay i’ve been doing comedy for two years now but

the reality is i suck

i suck compared

to them so it took years and years and years and years

till i felt like i was like a real

comic it took like ten years

takes a long ass time it’s the 10 000 hour

thing that we were talking

about earlier yeah

you know you really have to do something and

by no means was i any

expert at comedy

at 10 years in i just

understood how to do it better

well it’s hard

to be objective with yourself also i mean

you need a little bit of detachment to be able to yeah

it wasn’t my best in like my

first cd was i’m

gonna be dead someday

which i did in 1999

i listen to the delivery

right now and i go

delivery is like forced and i

think i was a little too

excited i got too loud and too many

places and i don’t

think the delivery is as

smooth as i

would have done it

today but the material is good stuff

it’s like good funny

silly shit and you

know for me

it was my best

thing that i had ever done up

until then it’s like

so i had 10 years of comedy and then boom i put out my

first cd was that a turning

point where you realized that

everything started

clicking for you

no not really

cause i was already on newsradio when i did

that i had already been on newsradio for five years the

tv show yeah

sorry it had the tv show

as a comic it was the

first time that i really put comedy together

when i got on the tv show man i got real lazy for a

while i didn’t

write any jokes for

fucking years barely performed

and i would perform

i wouldn’t be into it as much because i’d be working on

the set all day and i got lazy and i got a part of that

but then somewhere in

i kind of had

a couple bad sets and one time i had a couple bad sets

where some of the writers from newsradio came to see me

i had one bad set in

front of them and i was like

all right i

should not be having

these bad sets like this i’m having

these bad sets because i’m fucking lazy

because i’m

not writing anything and i’m not being enthusiastic

about it now i’m embarrassing

myself people come to see me and i’m not funny

so i felt bad

about that and then i really geared up

after that and started

spending a lot more time working on my set

you know like they say losses help a

fighter bombing helps a comedian for sure and you you

learn a lot

about what you’re doing wrong

you learn a lot

about like how people

reacting to you the

wrong way and that you

never want it to happen again so

so that that that that woke me up and then within like

two years i did the cd

you know so that was the

first time i

was ever like okay i’m like a real comedian now

like i really have

a cd on warner brothers like this is like real shit

right but i

still didn’t feel like i know what i was doing it

was always like

it’s always a struggle to this day being

22 years into it

there’s still to this day

it’s always

like you’re on a surfboard you better fucking balance

bitch cause if

you think you could just

stand up and you know what you’re doing

you’re gonna fall down you

gotta adjust you

gotta move you

gotta keep going

it’s a constant

state of motion

yeah complacency is

definitely uh

a bad thing

with everything

right with your writing to

and how how

much you see you told me you’re writing like

eight hours a day

right well yeah the

funny thing is as the business is

going down the toilet

it the porn business yeah the pimp

yeah the porn business is

going down the toilet the the only benefit of that

is i’m working just enough that i don’t have to like

you know sell

crack or whatever

to you know make up the difference

but it gives me all this free time to

write and it’s

that i’m getting the ten thousand

hours instead of having

spread out over

a decade i’m getting it in a really intensive

short period

someone would be

crazy to not publish a shit i really

think that it’s this is we’re

gonna have this conversation a year from now and you’re

laughing and you’re

a successful

writer no i’m telling you man i’m telling you it’s good

stuff it’s really good

stuff thanks man

again it’s hard to be objective you know i’m just

i know i don’t

i know i don’t

suck and then i like

you say when you when you come across someone who’s

who’s the top level the

craft that you’re in

right and like martin

amis i was reading

money and i’m like

jesus christ i

should just stop writing right now

right right

i know how you feel man

you know you

gotta just be inspired by that just see

the the the economy of his words and the the perfect

you know choice

of sentences and adjectives

and nouns and all put together in a beautiful

like a poetry of words yeah

you know when that’s really

when someone really

nails it with writing and it really connects so you

wanna like go back and read the

whole passage over and over reverse engineer it exactly

just like when you do a joke

you find out why it worked

why the delivery not just the writing of why the

delivery the timing

of it and you get like a feeling a

sense of it and it just inspires you makes you better

you know when people talk

about plagiarism and

stuff like that

plagiarism is obviously disgusting

and you were telling me that you’ve been victimized

yeah to to a to a lesser extent uh

uh people are always gonna copy

other people’s work but everyone’s inspired by

other people’s and that’s why i couldn’t

that’s a compliment

you get it isn’t it isn’t

he’s he’s really just rework

i mean bullshit he’s just a dummy

look i steal from

other people all the fucking time

stealing in a sense

right i take what

works for them

and like what kind of stuff

i’ll give you an example

chuck pollani

for example i

see what he does well

with his minimalist

style of writing called dangerous writing how he

doesn’t make

doesn’t make judgments for the reader he he shows

human condition he shows

human condition without saying this person is

you know mean

evil you know whatever and he lets the reader make his

own own decisions

by showing this person through

their actions

and his word economy is just fucking brilliant and

you know even if you don’t

you can read a thousand of his stories and

think it’s just good commercial fiction and

never see the

craft and what he does

and that’s the sign of good writing

right there is when the

craft is invisible and when it’s seamless

you know just like

which sucks you in yeah

just like with i’m sure

the comedy whatever the guy

might be a good

writer but you see him performing instead of him

you know being live

and in the moment and with the audience you know yeah

i remember the

first book that i ever read

where i was

like okay this guy is writing in a way that i’ve really

never heard anybody

write before was bret

easton ellis american psycho

yeah i read that is

a couple of

way back in the day i was an open

micro back in the day

and i remember

remember reading

and being like obsessed with it like what a fucking

crazy book that was yeah

it’s a stream of consciousness

and first person present tense

point of view

which is one of the

things about the

school of minimalism called dangerous writing is

you write about what’s

called dangerous not because you know the writers

gonna get like a

chain song like

come to your

house and you know attack you run around your

house whatever

it’s dangerous writing because you

explore what scares the fuck out of you right

and if you’re scared if you’re scared to

write it and if it makes you feel uncomfortable if it

makes people reading you feel uncomfortable that’s fine

but if it makes you uncomfortable as a writer you’re

going there and different parts of your your body

your your mind your

psyche that’s

where you should be

going you’ll get your biggest

breakthroughs there

and he did that and he talked

about you know

fucking hallucinating to the

point where he sees a

cheerio on a talk show and

atm machines asking to feed cats and running around and

you know slicing girls up and that was that was one

thing but it was it was really brilliant how we use

those as tools to show that he can know

head to toe what you’re wearing you know this

watches by gucci this

jackets by prada

and not know the person’s name and he works the person

every single day

right so with any

great art whether it’s whether it’s

literature whether it’s film

comedy whatever

the best art is a

mirror that’s

held up to the person that’s observing it you know

that’s the best art there is you know

hmm so and that’s what that’s why i thought american

cycle was fucking awesome

it was definitely unique

it was definitely unique and interesting

i always whenever i see something that’s

crazy or depressing i always wonder why is this

entertaining and is it

entertaining

or is it something that i’m just getting sucked into

like the other day i

started watching the road

you know that

it’s the what’s

this dude’s name

cormac mccarthy

wrote it yeah but who’s the guy who’s the vigo

mortensen thank you

vigo mortensen

is the main star and it is

very depressing and i got to the

point where he was showing his son how to blow his

brains out and i

shut it off

mike check please

i don’t need to

watch that i don’t need to get that’s

depressing as fuck to me

i understand

that it’s very real and you’re capturing a real moment

and it’s like

there’s some art in that but

fuck man i don’t

think i want to get depressed

watching your

movie you definitely

don’t want to be at the book then the book was actually

yeah ours was just reading and our

fear was just reading and

saying it’s pretty intense

yeah it is good

fucking these

mccarthy’s mccarthy

mccarthy is a master

craftsman my

yeah bottom line he’s a master craftsman

i i think i

could handle reading it better than i could

watching it

there was something

about him holding the gun up to the boy’s

mouth and like showing the boy how to blow his

brains out i was like okay

you know it

wouldn’t be better to because he

paints pictures

in your mind and your imagination is far better

than what someone’s

interpretation of what they got oh it is

script in the book or whatever and putting on a

screen but for a book i know that shit ain’t real

i’m watching

when i’m watching a

movie and a dude actually

sticks a gun in his

mouth and shown his kid how to blow his

brains out i’m like okay what the fuck man

you can change your

focus and see there’s a

frame around the

screen and there’s a tv and yeah

i didn’t even get to the

point of it all that end of the

world shit freaks me the fuck out anyway

i just know how

fragile our life really is and society really is and

earth really is and

yeah it takes

being put in a situation that you really get to

appreciate what life

really is yeah situation

was close to

close to death yeah

you know there’s an interesting

study that was just released

that psilocybin

is being used to help

people who are terminally ill

transition into

the the next

you know phase of life to die and

to relieve their anxiety

about this horrible

reality the fact they’re

gonna exit this planet

well they give people psilocybin

they give them mushrooms and they’re like oh shit

everything’s

gonna be okay

that’s my of course it does dude that’s my that’s

i don’t have a lot of fears in life

but i’ll share this one of my

greatest fears is what

motivates me to try to find to do something with this

writing is i don’t want to feel like my entire life

was a fucking

waste you know

life is fine i

could be i could i

could die you know

getting into the car and driving away from this

place i mean and

i want life to mean something you know i mean it

i don’t subscribe to this

existentialist

nihilist bullshit that life is here for no

other reason than just to live it

and you know you take it as for what

it is that’s bullshit i mean the odds of you being here

of you being here of all the

sperm that came that were competing to

fight fertilize the egg

at that exact moment in that

month or whatever of all the eggs that came

before and didn’t get

fertilized and all the eggs that go

afterward i mean it

it can’t be just

random shit

why can’t be

why can’t it be just

random why can’t it be that you just

think it’s not

random because of your own

ego and your

bodies need to survive and your own instincts in order

to procreate and keep moving there’s a bunch of

systems that are set up

checks and balances

rewards and rewards for certain behavior

and a lot of it is set up and give you

these certain

powerful feelings

just to make sure that you keep

breeding and so you

could get this delusion of

grandeur and this idea of ego that

while i’m here

for a purpose this is all for a purpose i have to

but that may

be just because your ego wants you to survive and

otherwise there’s no

other way of rationalizing it

yeah that’s that’s that’s definitely

that’s definitely

you guys going deep

yeah well i

think the idea of us you know the idea of a person like

your thing being

important like what you have to give is important

i think in a

sense that’s missing something

and i think that the greater

thing is not that you are here to do something

and i am here to do something and we are here to

contribute i think

we’re all a part of something way bigger

i think it’s that it’s not the

individual it’s not

the incredible emphasis on

the goals and

the accomplishments of the individual

that all of us together

are producing something we’re all together working

as a society as a unit as a as a race as a gigantic

super organism

we’re working towards something and

if you’re not

doing the part that you feel compelled to and

drawn to then you feel very unfulfilled

and a very unfulfilled life

feels like a life wasted

and how does one know what that

particular part

and or path is you know because you’re doing

it you know because you feel it you know because it’s

creativity it’s doing

things that

other people enjoy

i’ll tell you this

absolutely 100 a fact and

a 100 true i

um have zero worries

about what i’m doing

i have no worries

that i’m not doing what i

should be doing or that i’m not

on the right path of none

i’m 100 convinced and sure

that i’m enjoying myself and doing exactly what i

should be doing

and because of that i have so little stress

it eliminates

a huge amount of stress in your life that stress of

of needing to

prove yourself

or needing to find your way if you find your way

once you’ve

found your way then it’s all just about

about being inspired and working hard

and creating and

understanding

the relationship that you have with the people that are

enjoying what you’re doing

you are putting

effort and because of that

effort and because of your focus

you’re putting out this positive energy

in the form of something that you’ve created that

other people can enjoy

and so they all tune into this and then they give

you praise and they give you encouragement keep going

and this in turn

boosts you up it

fills your fucking

brain with awesome chemicals you feel

more vibrant and healthy

and it’s like a reward

system set up to keep you creating

and then you go back to your discipline

you go back to sitting in

front of the computer and putting

these long hours

and you are getting

a positive response from it i mean that’s why you’ve

driven yourself so hard so

quickly into writing

not just because you recognize that you need

some way out of a sinking business in the porn industry

but because you

experience a lot

of positive energy in regards to what you’ve done the

stuff that you put out on the

underground

the stuff that you put out on your blogs how

tyler max is

responded to it a

bunch of people respond to your

stuff that way

so that positive energy keeps you going

but i think

it’s all a part of one big

giant thing

i think it’s very hard for us to see

because we have egos and we have all

these natural instincts that are in

place to make sure that we keep doing what we’re doing

but i think all together it’s a part of something giant

we just can’t see it

it’s too complex for us to see

completely or

understand even if we did yeah

i think there’s a lot of freedom though and not

thinking of yourself as like you know

a person who matters

who has to make his mark and do something important

i do what i’m doing even if no one

read a single word

that’s beautiful

i know you do believe me i have no illusions of like

and this is not me being like

self doubting or anything like that or

being negative

nancy i just understand

you know how the economics work and everything

i’m not doing this because i see myself

trading in my

shitty mustang for like a ferrari or something and

that’s not very fulfilling to begin with even

if it did happen but

you don’t get rich by writing

novels you know just

doesn’t happen you know

such what you can get rich by writing novels

you know i mean there’s a

bunch of people that have that that’s silly

you know think

about all the people

that dean koontz fellows the stephen king’s and okay i

should put i

should rephrase that you don’t get rich by writing

literary fiction you get rich by writing commercial

fiction like

genre fiction that

um isn’t that chuck

pollen that guy isn’t he rich

haha isn’t he

he’s one example

in soul dude

don’t think like that you can

everything like that but the

point is it’s not for the

money that’s right yeah

no but you can get rich too dude

you should get a

fucking lock your

brain around that son

get that paper

yeah as king muller likes to say

what’s that noise

airplane airplane

so that’s a message from god

that’s what it is

that’s the airplane is a

trailing is

trailing a big

streamer that says that’s a rap son i

so this is what i want

from you my friend i want you to try an isolation tank

and i want you to

start smoking

weed before you write

try both of

those things

and just give me a report just try it

once for me you don’t have to keep doing it but sativa

sativa is the shit sativa

very important i

smoke weed before

every writing session may i do occasionally

write without smoking weed but

embalming fluid in sativa

so embalming

fluid in the cough you put

embalming fluid in your butthole no you dip

that shit up dip it

up whether not

we would like to

thank the flashlight

flashlight dot com

oh this weekend

i’m gonna be at the ice

house in pasadena right

yeah this friday and saturday two shows

if you want tickets it sells out very

quickly it’s a very small

place it’s a fucking

super cool place for comedy though

very intimate very small

i think it only seats like

180 people or something like that it’s all tight

packed in there and the shit

one of the best

places in the country

so i’ll be there and

i will see you bitches

thank you very much to my friend mr

tyler knight

thanks for being here my friend

thank you for

i should say and

your website is

tyler knight com

and on twitter it’s

tyler knight xxx

that is correct

so follow him on twitter

um if people

wanna get in

touch with you what is the best way to get in

touch with you if some

literary agent or someone wants to get in

touch with you

uh tyler or

tyler knight dot com there you go son

that’s how this

motherfucker

doesn’t give a shit

he just gave out his

whole email on the internet

fuck it actually

filter am i

filter for my

email for like saying like die you know

and work whatever so you have a filter for nigger yeah

i love you niggers

yeah you’re

gonna get email from all over the world buddy

we’re number one in canada

by the way thank you canada we love you bitches

all right thank you everyone we’ll see you at the ice

house in pasadena

thank you brian redband aka rico

you can catch him at redband com

and that’s it

what is this

some going away music okay let’s go some going

joe rogan net who is this

guess ben folds what is it ben folds and folds

but this is the special version

why is it special

because it’s no instruments all voices

oh it’s someone doing a beatbox in the background

this is my favorite part coming up

about this ice cream play

sure it won’t allow me if you call me that

but you get it done yesterday

singing some crazy shit

supposed to be in a happy place yeah yeah

sounds with your

voice that make other people feel better

yeah that is a beautiful thing it’s crazy

ben folds is a powerful vibration

been thinking a lot

i like it i like it as a little gimmick

yeah i don’t

think i’d like to buy an out

whole album of no

music though his

regular versions of that song amazing that’s just like

you know all

voice versions

of it yeah that was good

the beautiful ability to inspire

tyler knight inspires every day on tyler knight com

thank you very much ladies and gentlemen

we’ll see you dirty bitches next week later

red bun