The Joe Rogan Experience #42 - Duncan Trussell

road to cpms are

okay okay

love with me

so what did you say they’re saying

thumb in the nose at every what they’re

thumbing their nose at every victim and hero

victim in here they’re thumbing their nose

as we’re saying

before we were rudely cut off

rudely cut off

we started earlier but we didn’t have any sound

something was going on with the you

stream feed so we decided to redo everything and

you know saying this is a very strange song

well i mean it’s

strange that anybody would actually record it

i think that there’s something sad

about it i mean there’s something kind of pathetic

about the passion in the guy’s voice

you know what i mean like he

sounds like it’s like a baby

he’s like an infant

like he’s believes

everything that guy believes

everything and he’s like you know i’m

gonna do my part i’m

gonna make a song

brian what the

fuck are you doing i just fucked a couple


brian sit up

that was mad complicated

yeah we fucked up

folks we had a serious issue

we couldn’t get any sound

it was ugly and

brian pulled

it together somehow another we had a swap laptop so i

think my laptop sound port

might have shit the bed

fucking max

how fuck man amazing

it’s cause you’re fucking mac queer

shut that song off before it rots my brain

i’m here with duncan

trussell patriot

ladies and gentlemen

a true true patriot

a man of the people that’s

right and a big support of the

flashlight is that correct duncan and the tea party

yeah you support the tea party as well yeah and the

flashlight upside down real quick so

this is our sponsor

this is our

commercial part of the show here

the flashlight ladies and gentlemen

if you’ve never used one

i don’t recommend you jump

right into the butthole version

start off with the dick one

what no don’t do that

but you can keep this in your refrigerator nobody would

think you’re a pervert it’s like a little beer can

who keeps a beer in the refrigerator you don’t

what are you

doing you want a beer oh i thought you said freezer

i really heard you

say freezer

that’s weird

i swear to god i heard

freezer duncan trussell

stand up comedian

good pal former roommate

he’s on the show

today duncan

thank you very much for coming aboard

thanks for having me on i’m

sorry we were

so fucked up put your headphones on so you can

sound what you sound like

i’d rather not

i want you to though

i hate my voice

i hate the way my voice

sounds let’s try

you can’t hear it when you’re hello

look at you

hello hello

here we are

so for people who don’t know you duncan

duncan trussell

tru two ss e2ls com

they can find out

all kinds of shit

about you yeah sort of

find out about your bio

you ever get

chicks that

have seen you online

like seeing some of the

stuff that you’ve done and say

and like send you an

email like wow i think

you’re really creative

yeah it’s the best it happens once

every equinox

at the most but on occasion

yeah anytime you get

really creative

yeah i really

think you’re cool

i like your website by the way it’s very

trippy and crazy it’s really fun to get

stoned and explore your

website did you

put it together

yeah i built the

whole thing did you really yeah

it’s cool i love the choice of

music oh calypso

yeah john denver

and do you have to do you have do you have

rights to use that

music or just

throw it up

until anybody tells you how to take it down i’m

just waiting for the cease and desist

from well he’s dead yeah so fuck man it’s not

gonna happen

his shit should be free

it’s real if you’re dead you

should be free yeah like michael jackson we

should all be to

sell and make

money off of him can i give a

little no not make

money off of him

but you should be able to just listen to his

music you shouldn’t have to pay he’s dead

do you know he’s dead can i give

some john denver trivia sure

supposedly and you know i don’t know

where i heard

this from but it seems like it came from a good source

his corpse when they

found his corpse was being

eaten by starfish

whoa yeah so

starfish yeah

so he crashed in the ocean he

crashed in the

ocean and he was being i

guess anyone who

crashes in the

ocean it’s gonna happen but somehow

there’s something either really beautiful

about that or really really fucked up but

starfish were devouring his corpse

wasn’t he in some sort of a

it was some sort of a test plane or

it wasn’t it was like what was it what kind of

plane was it

it was one of those

planes that kills rock stars

it’s like what the fuck

is it with rock stars that they get in the shittiest

planes and fly over

bodies of water it’s like

you know that’s how you know you’re

gonna die if you’re in a

little plane with a band

oh yeah there’s like

a one in four chance you’re dead well if you’re filming

videos like in the bahamas

and shit like that that’s just how you

gotta roll you

gotta get in one of

those propeller planes

i know in one of

those a couple years ago we went to lanai

lanai you land

in honolulu and then you take a little puddle jumper

yeah it’s fucking

spooky man it’s the

worst that’s some old

technology son

but it’s like god waits for

their bands to

get in those little

planes and then

strike some down you

should know that that’s the living stevie ray

vaughan how many guys how many

guys went down from

planes and helicopters and shit

if you’re on

a puddle jumper with the pesh mode you’re dead

just fucking

forget it cause you’re gone

been very horny to

think about how

many fucking people how many people big bopper and um

buddy holly right yep

they died um

leonard skynyrd right gone

steve ray vaughan

helicopter yeah

rocky marciano

plane crash

i know he’s not

but i’m throwing him in there anyway

kurt cobain

it’s the same idea

it’s the same idea

get off those foot but for real if you’re yeah

what about j lo

kurt cobain and

courtney love

what do you mean

lisa left that didn’t

he get in the plane

no courtney love killed him

what the fuck you talking about

that’s not even what we’re talking

about we’re talking

about people

dying in planes dude i know lisa

lazy i sent what was her name

brian i forgive

brian i used to

think there was something

wrong with brian but then

brian told me the

story about how he was living in this apartment

and they were pumping

carbon dioxide from the furnace into his bedroom

for like two years

and it made him half retarded

totally for real

it’s really it’s totally true it’s totally true

wait you really

think you have like

something happened to his

brain in there

yeah they cooked his brain

with carbon monoxide i

think it made him a

superhero dioc

dioxide or monoxide

no he’s a superhero it’s like that when the spider bit

uh spider man it’s carbon

is it carbon monoxide why do you

think i can make retarded

videos the nice

carbon monoxide

he’s been poisoned he got is it monoxide

or dioxide dioxide is what you breathe out right

dioxide you breathe out monoxide is what makes you make

great viral videos

right you could

dress cats up

do you ever look back to the days before you

lived in that place and

what would i have been like no because i was my

i was tripping and stuff

you know before that so

so you just cooked your brain

right from the get go

totally but i take

a lot of resveratrol now so i should be fine

right do you think that resveratrol is really the shit

oh i totally love it

i believe in it so much do you think

maybe it’s partly placebo effect probably probably

duncan you taking any vitamins these days

yeah can you tell

yes i can no i haven’t you know

i took i was telling you i took

this reishi infused

yeah yeah tell me about that

these are marijuana drops right yeah

there’s never a fucking lack of creativity in these

crazy weed chops

they’re always coming up with new things so

tell what exactly is this

this is a this is

ratios and i’m probably

mispronouncing it but how do you spell it

r e i s h i

and it’s apparently the super healthy fungus

that when i read on wikipedia what it does

it somehow helps you if you’re having

chest problems or chest pains i

guess it supposedly helps you this

is chinese herbs who the fuck knows if it’s real but

tastes like

shit tastes like echinacea

but the infused part of it is awesome

so they infuse it with thc yes

so you get is it what is the difference between that

effect and the regular

thc drops effect that when

you take it you’re like ugh this is fucking awful but

you feel like you’ve earned it

cause you’re like suffering through it like

you’ve got a mini

ayahuasca trip

yeah exactly like but

you know i don’t know i mean it’s all

placebo by the way

the placebo

effect is underrated

because fuck yeah it

is the placebo effect is

powerful man it really is

so when you’re you know normal so

when you eat pot

as anyone who’s eating pot knows it’s very

strong and there’s like a chance

somewhere in that trip that

you can go a little dark or get a little paranoid or

things can seem weird

but if you’ve been taking

an herbal chinese

super medicine with the drop

then when shit

starts getting

weird you can think no

i’m on rishi

i’m on a chinese herb that’s healthy

and then it kind of banishes the

demons a little bit

really no it’s not true that

wouldn’t work with me didn’t help at all i

was kind of making out because i took it

and went snorkeling

on a reef oh my god

yeah it was fucking how deep did you go how deep

like say if

we at the bottom of the pool like how high were you

high i was fucking high i was

i was bottom of the pool

bottom of the pool

chartered boat

i’m sitting

there because we were like you know what we’re

going snorkeling

let’s go hunter

s thompson style

just and i was

drinking it i wasn’t

dropping i was like

i remember like it was

streaming down my face into my beard i’m

drinking it

and so like

you know that thing

when you’re eating pot and you’re kind of

jolly and you’re

underestimating its

power you’re like yo

fuck it let’s just eat it let’s go nuts

and then like

45 minutes in son

you’re like

oh why did i

do that i was on a chartered boat

and i started

and everyone’s

happy and there’s kids wandering around it’s in hawaii

everything’s beautiful

and i’m like oh

well you’re

gonna be the

first person who goes insane on this boat

the first time anyone just

started raving

and ranting on a boat and there’s kids around i’m

thinking you’re gonna ruin these kids vacations oh

my god i look they were like

you know hawaii is beautiful

and these fucking red cliffs and i

swear to god i looked up

and i thought i saw like you know raiden from

mortal kombat

like i thought

i saw like this like person wearing one of

those cone hats and like kind of

blending oh

my god oh my god you’re seeing hawaiian gods

that’s like some hawaiian guardian

spirit that’s

aware of you and

doesn’t want you to be there

cause you’re a honky

have you ever

taken mushrooms and seen like

aztec imagery

seen like mexican imagery

i’ve taken lsd

and have seen

when i was like

i was sanskrit

but never aztec i’ve i’ve seen i’ve

taken mushrooms and seen like

like mayan language and like you know that style of

you know ancient

mexican culture the mayans and

you know all the their

crazy language

it was like little drawings and little images

i’ve like seen that shit in the sky

sure and when i’m on mushrooms yeah i’ve seen like

you know all this

crazy mayan imagery

now i don’t know if that’s because i had seen it before

and my imagination was running wild

and i was like you

know just creating

images that i’ve already witnessed

and creating them in the sky

that’s very possible

it’s very possible that’s what was going on

it’s also very possible that they made

those images because they got fucked up on mushrooms

and they saw that shit in the sky and they drew it

that seems to be even more likely can i

throw out another possibility sure

whoever out there is smart and listening to this

please correct me but i think it’s

chomsky is a linguist noam chomsky is a linguist and

there’s basically

theories of where language comes from is language

something you

learn or is language something encoded into your brain

because some people think that language is something

that’s already kind of

built into your

brain and it’s like

waiting to flower according to what

culture you get born into and who you’re around

because it’s such an incredibly complex thing to learn

people wonder if like

is the brain a blank slate

when you’re born or there are already

these things sort of in there waiting to come out

so the idea is that when you are hallucinating

these symbols

it wasn’t as

though you were projecting something you’d already seen

and it wasn’t as though the

aztecs were hallucinating or like oh we

should use these symbols to

is our language it’s more

like that’s already deep inside your

brain and when you’re

tripping it kind of comes out and you’re seeing like

an uber language you know or some kind of like

original primal language like

fucking hebrew look at hebrew that’s so psyched

that’s such a psych yes

it is isn’t it yeah

maybe maybe you’re

right i mean i don’t know but

one of the things that i’ve seen many many times

in psychedelic

states like

especially even just eating pot when i

close my eyes

is cartoon like imagery

like cartoon like strange

morphing type of imagery and

what strikes me

about a lot of the mayan shit

is that all

these you know

is it pictographs is that how you

i don’t know

exactly what you’d call it but all

these different images they look very cartoon like

yeah you know the dragons look very

silly and cartoon like

everything is almost like


so these people were living in real danger

but yet they had the

peace of mind and the

creativity to draw the dangerous

things and almost like

lessened your

worry about them

you know it’s a

weird thing that cultures do

with predators i mean we still do it today with like

polar bears

polar bears are some of the most dangerous bears you

could ever come across

but we have them selling

coca cola and klondike bars and being all silly and

sliding on the snow

and they’re fucking vicious

murderers that live

in the coldest part of the

world you know

we do it because we have a

separation from them they’re not a part of our

daily lives they’re not

infiltrating the cities if they were

we would want to

kill them all and we

wouldn’t ever think of them as being a happy thing

but these fucking people were living in the jungle man

they were living in the jungle around jaguars and

snakes and all these

they were doing so much drugs they were drawing

everything in cartoons

right these people were

tripping their fucking balls off

when people say

that the mayans

had this answer and

the mayans had this calendar that can

predict lunar eclipses and

i go you know what so do we

we can predict all that shit too

and we don’t know the fucking future

you’re telling these people would never invented

shoes these

these people

figured out the future they figured out how that the

age is going to end really

you know come on man

more likely

they were stone

age people who did a fuckload

of drugs and came up some really really cool shit what

about the um

cargo cult theory you know that what is that

you know what a

cargo cult is no

so again brilliant person out there correct me

cause like i kind of remember

things and then i fuck them up

in my translation of them but

during one of the wars

maybe it was

world war ii

in the south pacific i

guess they would like parachute

supplies down

right and so the supplies

would come down and they land on

these islands that had primitive people who’d

never seen this shit before

and so what would happen is a cult would emerge

based on trying to figure out how to get

those supplies to fall out of the sky again

so this really great shit that you’ve never seen

basically from an

alien if you’re a south pacific islander

and you’ve been slurping coconuts eating fish

eating bananas

that’s the extent of what you

understand and all of a sudden this giant fucking thing

on a parachute

comes zooming out of the sky filled with


maybe a radio

fabric it’s roswell

it’s like an alien impact and it changes your culture

because it’s like shit you’ve

never seen you have no way to explain it fell

out of the sky so that’s

a cargo cult

is something that emerges around that event

where you try to

reenact whatever you were doing at that time when the

thing fell out of the sky so if you were like

cutting fish or doing so

whatever you know having a certain

celebration or if it happened during cutting fish

whatever seriously that’s what

they do that’s what they do they cut do all day it’s

a big part of they were very

smart i mean that the window

of what they do is you know yeah hunting and gathering

so you look at

those fucking pyramids right and

and you look at them you

think like maybe they were

visited by egyptians

i think no no

i think now

this is not something

you know they do believe that africans came to

earth or came to

north america a long long time ago

the olmecs the

olmecs they don’t

understand much

about the olmecs at all

they know it’s a

civilization that goes back i

think it’s like thousands of years

and they were the oldest


they know advanced


north america and they know nothing

about their language they know nothing

but they have african features

they have these omac

these carved heads these

giant carved heads

from they don’t know

where they drag the fucking

stone from the

stones are gigantic and they’re perfectly carved

like really

detailed african faces big

thick lips african features

no i don’t think it’s there or

visited i mean

i first thought that is i mean look the olmecs

came from africa

most likely

and came to

north america

i mean they

were there they were there they were in mexico let me

throw my theory

out and it’s just a theory

i don’t really believe it but i like

thinking about it

what if ufos

looked like

those pyramids

and fucking ufos landed for a little

while and gave them all

their advanced

technology and gave them all the crazy shit

and then flew off

and so she’s just

going deep into the what if drawer

yeah this is deep

in the what if drawer

this is way

underneath a lot of

other what ifs

but like so

if you think about it

those fucking pyramids

kind of look like they could be

spaceships like whenever i think of

spaceships i think

why wouldn’t it look like a pyramid it

could be a pyramid so maybe

maybe fucking they were

visited by advanced


that looked

like those pyramids but

still the problem with the pyramids is not

that the problem with the pyramids is the incredible


equations that are required

to create something so perfect

there’s 2 million

300 000 stones in the pyramid of

the great giza pyramid

great pyramid of giza

that two think

about how many fucking

stones that is

the last stone they

weighed between

two and 80 tons and some of them the ones from

the king’s chamber were cut from a quarry that was like

500 miles away

i mean it’s amazing man and

they’re perfectly put in place

you ever seen the king’s chamber

where in the

great pyramid it’s insane

they don’t have any idea how they built it

they have no idea how they got these

incredibly large

stones cut so perfectly

and so smooth

and they found

literally they

found bore marks

in the sarcophagus

that is from a diamond bit

drill right

so it’s like shit that we have today

what’s that called i’m

sorry to cut you off

just because it’s another fascinating aspect of the

stuff you’re talking

about which is

shit there’s a name for this kind of archaeology

where people will find cryptos no

crypt it’s like

you’ll find batteries

you know what i mean or you’ll find yeah i

think of cryptozoology but yeah i know

yeah i know what you’re talking

about you’ll find like a

it’s something that there’s no way that it

should exist back then it almost indicates

time traveler well have you ever

well not time

travel but have you ever looked

into graham hancock have you ever read any of his

stuff no i know that

i want to give you fingerprints of the gods before you

leave it’s one of my favorite books

and this guy graham hancock is an archaeologist and

he traveled all over the

world looking in all

these ancient

civilizations and ancient

structures and

studied all the

different cataclysmic event

stories that

every single

religion seems to have that are in the area

of gilgamesh

in the bible

and what he believes is that

somewhere around

10 000 years ago there was some event on

earth and there was a

super advanced

civilization that

existed before that

and we have been around a lot longer than we think

and that what the pyramids are

literally is people rediscovering some shit

that a super

super advanced


that had been reset

many thousands of years ago

what we see like when you see like the

great pyramid and

the sphinx and all

these things that they can’t explain the fink’s

enclosure what we see is

the proof that there was some sort of a

super advanced


many many many thousands of years before

where the archeologists currently date

to be the time they

built the pyramids

there’s a guy

named john anthony west that has

dedicated his entire life

to trying to let people

look at egypt in a different way

and he believes that the egyptian

the drawings the

depictions of pharaohs they go back over 34 000 years

but for whatever reason conventional


are unwilling to look at that kind of evidence

they don’t want

to look at anything that makes it seem like

everything is all fucked up and there was

some sort of an event that hasn’t been documented and

the people that we

think of as egyptians

maybe never even

built this in the

first place they

might have been like the people that

moved into all this shit and

like this conversation we’re having

about the pyramid

the egyptians were having it too

sure what the fuck is that

right right

where the shit come from

exactly people been saying that for a

while exactly

exactly we found it like

second hand they

found it first and

well this guy graham hancock has

traveled all over the

world taking all

this footage of

these incredible

structures that

people have made that map out the cosmos that

match constellations and

all these different societies

yeah like machu you know machu picchu

that fucking thing

they don’t even know how anybody got anything up there

these guys got these

giant fucking

stones up there

where there’s no air

and they built

these incredible structures

many many many thousands of years ago

they have no idea when and they

think that it

might have even been at a time where

water was up there

it’s fucking nutty man

when you really find out how much

of these ancient

structures and

ancient civilizations how much evidence there is for it

but when they

start bringing this

stuff up to conventional archeologists

they always say well

where’s the evidence for these

cultures like that’s what they said

about john anthony west when they brought up the

water erosion marks on the

sphinx are you familiar with all that

the water erosion on the

sphinx is due to thousands of years of rainfall

the problem with that is the last

time there was rainfall in the nile valley it was like

7 000 bc yeah

so that puts it like way way

way out dates it way past what we

think of as

egyptian civilization

egyptian civilization we

think of around like 2

000 3 000 bc

they’re talking like 7 000

4 000 years

earlier than that

you know what i mean

i mean this is a pretty incredible shit so

these guys have discovered all

these different

things that

point to the fact that it’s much more likely

that there was a far

older civilization that disappeared

and so the archeologists are all like

where’s the evidence for the


it’s fucking

right there

what else is

going to be left

what else is

gonna be left

after 10 000 years man

you’re gonna get some

stone that’s it

a car would dissolve into the

earth a building

would fall apart and crumble

everything has to be made out of stone

that’s the only shit that’s

going to survive have you seen

the and you know

about wanting to rub you but

you know when they

first found

these sphinx in

the forget which fucking pharaoh they attributed to

the guy who

supposedly they think

built the sphinx

but it’s in

the hieroglyphs it

literally says that

he was told in a dream

that if he uncovered the sphinx

he would go on to rule

egypt he had to uncover it you know why

because it was

covered in fucking sand

they had to actively dig it out of the sand

it was up to its head in sand

not only that the head has been altered

like they know that the head used to be far larger

and was much more likely the head of a lion

and then some fair i was like

i don’t like that lion i’m on my face up there bitch

and so that’s when they put his face up there

and more likely it was one of the african

pharaohs because he has a face of a nubian

the nubians conquered egypt

in the end of the

egyptian empire when

everything fell to shit yeah

the nubians conquered and

their pharaohs were much more african looking

yeah there’s a

it’s the point is

where we’re both saying is

there’s older than

the way older

this graham hancock guy’s a fucking genius man

and his his books are brilliant on this shit and he has

his wife’s a

photographer so he has

these incredible


of all these different

things from all over the

world and it will

absolutely convince you that

at least this

should be considered as an option and it’s not

right now right now everybody wants to

think that everything they’ve been

taught in school

and everything they’re

teaching their students

right now is the information

and it’s very difficult to get them to re look at shit

these motherfuckers that won’t look at the

sphinx i mean

there’s water erosion

every single geologist who looks at that says

this is water

erosion from thousands of years of rainfall

and then they have all

these other

guys that are like no can’t be it’s impossible that’s

never been a problem

for me imagining that we’re a

super right

but for them they’ve been

teaching this shit

they’ve been

teaching tutmosis

iii did this at this time and he

built this pyramid and

they don’t know though

that the fucking

they really don’t know

it’s guesswork there’s a shitload of

guesswork yeah that’s always really

amazing to me when

archaeologists get very specific

about something that was

a really long time ago and then he said to his troops

how the fuck do you know what he

said i can barely remember what i

ate yesterday after

lunch exactly

how are you fucking

how are you

diagnosing this shit it’s impossible i talk

about this when i talk

about on stage when i talk

about how little we know

about human beings if i’m in a club

that it has like

two hundred people in it

i’ll say you know there’s two hundred of us right here

what we represent if we

lived our entire lives birth to

death and we

added them all together

we represent

twenty thousand years

just us right just the lives

of 200 people if you add them all together birth to

death that’s 20

fucking thousand years yeah

that’s way more than we know

about human history way way way more

according to like conventional

teaching or conventional thought

like 20 000 years ago we were

basically cavemen

right i mean

we wore animal skins and shit like

when they find

those frozen dudes

how old are

those dudes i have no idea it’s like

30 000 years ago

they’re like wearing skins and shit and throwing

spears with

rock tips like that’s as good as it got back then

20 000 years just 200 people’s lives

that’s incredible man well

do you buy into the

stuff that we came from mars

no no i don’t buy into

any of the mars imagery

i see all that richard hoglen documentary

i see all these guys

talking about it and you know what i see

i see a bunch of guys who are trying to find a

bunch of shit that’s not necessarily there

you’re making

connections with this rock to that rock and you’re

using this fucking

really fuzzy geometry

to describe the regions

there’s some interesting

structures there

there’s some interesting

structures that may

or may not have at one

point in time been a building

but it’s up for debate

what’s up for debate

it started off as the

lightning bolt hitting the plasma

it is storks

look it’s very possible of course it was a storks

brian we’re talking about

before the storks

it’s very possible that life

existed on mars

it’s very possible it’s very possible that if you think

about the fact that life

has existed on earth

for billions of years right

okay and we know that at one

point in time you know there was lizards running shit

and it was a tropical jungle and there was dinosaurs

everywhere and we didn’t evolve

until all those were

wiped off the face of the planet

right according to

eddie griffin

they were not

wiped off the planet they went

underground and learned to

shape shift please tell me he didn’t say that on

stage he didn’t say it on

stage he told it to me buying the comedy

store has he ever told you that how bruce lee died

story no bruce lee fought a thousand niggas

this crazy thing

like he was

standing there and he took

about nine hundred of them out

until one finally got the death touch on his ass

fucking death he

will he will he will tell a fucking tail

eddie griffin would be the perfect guy to hang out with

drunk in a pool hall

yeah like a friday night and he’s talking shit

that’s his best kind of humor man this

crazy story is fucking hilarious anything he says

he’s so funny

but what was funny very talented

guy man he told me that was the

first time i’d heard the reptilian theory

when he told it to me he said it

he was so filled with passion and the

truth of it that it was like an eerie moment

oh he’s so crazy it was really

hypnot he hypnotized crowds man

i saw him he’s very charismatic even though he’s

crazy i saw him do like two and a half

hours at the comedy store once

and at the end of his show

the crowd got up and

surged towards him

are you serious and they all were trying to

touch him like they were like he had

hypnotized the entire are you

serious yes

especially if you get really dumb dumb people in there

woo he’ll get em

you know it was amazing

you know he said

once he said

what a lot of people don’t know is that the twin towers

below them was fort knox

where all the gold was kept

and the trains kept running 24 hours a day yeah

like what what are you talking

about that there’s gold underneath

there’s gold underneath the twin

towers and the trains hey

what do i know does he still play the

story lot i

would go see

him i don’t i don’t know i saw i saw him at the

store once but i don’t he’s a

friendly guy to man i’m always always

happy to see that guy he’s really cool

he’s a very talented guy man

he’s always been really

crazy and everything but he’s very talented

he had a funny fucking joke

about the dude who invented telephone

he goes alexander

graham bill had to be on coke

who the fuck gets so hot he like

i want to talk to somebody who isn’t even here

that’s a great

joke man that’s one of my favorite all time jokes

especially in that voice yeah

that’s one of

those jokes

where you go damn i wish i thought that

one yeah shit

god damn isn’t

it kind of like there’s two kinds of jokes

there’s jokes

where like man that joke sucks

and then there’s jokes that are like man why didn’t i

think of that

there’s no in between

well you know what really always like humbles me

when i see a

dude who can make jokes out of shit that i probably

would have dropped

you know who impresses

me with that

pat naswalt

patton will go on this killer five

minute bit about

a fucking bottle of

water you know i’m saying he’ll like

any premise

he’ll find it and

squeeze the

funny out of it

and i always go damn that dude is like

he knows how to like really write like

even for like obscure shit that you

wouldn’t think

would be funny

and he does the old

trick where he makes it seem like the easiest fucking

thing on the planet yeah

makes it seem

like it’s just not comfortable just comfortable

easy it just

happens that brilliant jokes are always there’s a few

people like that yeah

awesome to watch man it is don’t you

still like watching

stand up yeah

still the most fun

right if you ever get

you know if you ever get

stuck or get

stand up block and

all you got to do is

watch the great

comics and it’ll

give you inspiration to work on more jokes

yeah yeah man i’m do you

still have a puppet duncan do you

still do the little hobo i don’t do it anymore he got

stolen did you hear

about this joe

someone stole little hobo

hobo got stolen in san jose

what who stole him

if i knew that then

somebody stolen from like if i knew that i’d be in jail

duncan used to have this

like little puppet that used to bring on

stage that was like satanic

and it was very funny

funniest bit

he used to do this thing where the puppet

that killed his grandfather

the puppet was

channeling satan

the demon it was

great it was

great man so did you leave lil hobo in the lobby

and then somebody stole it or

what happened well it’s an interesting story

the weird thing is i’d been up in nevada city at

a little film comedy festival you’re saying you

loved it up there

nevada city’s amazing

where is it exactly it’s north of sacramento

and i’m not really sure about how the pot


and distribution

works but i know that nevada city plays

a pretty important role in that

it’s like there it’s like a big it’s like a big part of

their economy and

how do i know this

i’ll tell you i was buying a burrito from a hippie

and he was commenting on how he likes the festival

because it’s almost the business picks up to almost the

level is when the cutters are in town

and it was like whoa holy shit you guys have a

cycle based on

harvesting the crops and stuff

and nevada city is also

the yuba river runs through nevada i wouldn’t

wanna live there though man

there’s too many

creeps i would i

would say especially

right now with the climate it’s not like it’s a

legitimate marijuana factory that’s you know

everybody gets dental insurance

and shit and they all work there the communities

happy that’s not what’s

going on it’s

most these guys are selling illegal shit

well here’s the

thing this is this was the really fascinating

thing that that someone there said to me they said

they don’t want

in november they don’t want pot to get legal

because it’s

gonna crash

their economy yeah that’s so

crazy that’s

crazy cuz that’s saying

you know i’m more important than

the cause yeah let’s just put

people i can’t adjust

i can’t adjust no it’s saying i’m okay with

people going to jail

every year so that

i can buy more hummus that’s

so douchey that is douchey that’s the most fucked up

thing and i didn’t

think of it till i walked off i

would have said something but yeah it was really yeah

i’ve heard the argument

i’ve heard the argument

from a few people but there’s some people that are just


and they just want to argue

about anything no matter what you

bring up if they didn’t

think of it

first they’ll come up with the opposing

point of view oh i hate

those people

so annoying

those are those are conversation

vampires yeah there’s a

bunch of people that

every conversation they have is just

some sort of an act

where they want you to walk away impressed

you know i mean

there’s a lot of people like that

oh yeah you know they’re not listening to a goddamn

thing you’re saying

they just wanna art

to a lot of douchebags like that you get

angry at that it’s a very

annoying man because it’s not

a real conversation you just want to throttle up yeah

it’s like we’re only having this conversation

because you’re insecure and fucked up there’s a lot of

comics that are like that a lot of comics a

lot of comics

no matter what no not most of them

but there’s

quite a few there’s

quite a few that are looking for arguments

yeah oh god the ear beaters

where they just get in and just start

you gave me that word i use that word so fucking much

that’s joe diaz

just joe diaz such a

funny word joe diaz

getting an ear beating over here you


he would say that joe diaz has the best fucking lines

about everything no matter what it is

well he’s the best man you

gonna walk on ice you might as well

dance you know what i’m saying

you know how you could become a fucking billionaire

if you could make a joe diaz application

where you could have joe diaz in your phone

no you know how to be a billionaire is if joe diaz

let me do him in a cartoon

we draw a joey diaz cartoon

about this jelly guy goes around

smacking people and talking sensitive

kids great idea

i want a joey diaz

soundboard though i want one that just goes oh no oh

point wait a minute that

would really be a good show a joey diaz show

where he gives like real logic to high school kids

where joey diaz

like high school kids will come to him for lessons

about life and joey diaz will break down

let me tell you about the first time i ate ass listen

get over it you’re gonna eat ass no he’s

got four jacket cokes you’re in there cocksucker

part of it sounds

so lost soyudi

it’s part of his parole

it’s part of his community service

okay so we do with college college kids right yeah

never sign some papers

i was thinking 18 but you’re

right high school isn’t really 18 college is 18 or

like he comes to their orientation and gives a speech

about college

wear a rubber cocksucker trust me

can’t even take care of yourself cocksucker you’re

gonna raise a baby

stupid we can film him

say a little house in the prairie

we can film them

we can film them separately

like film just

joey diaz like

screaming at nothing

and then have like a

scary clown and then put you know

with a little girl and just have the girl crying the

whole time as the

scary clown and just put the two together you know

take out the

clown and it’s the

thing about people like

joey diaz is almost

any situation you put them in it’s always gonna be

funny yes there’s always gonna be a

swirl of comedy

that video used to do

you fuel tv do you

still do stupid face

no there was one with joey diaz had

he edited joydes on top of a

what was it like he was like a little

micro fisherman

or something like

that oh yeah yeah yeah

galaxy cap galaxy cap yeah adam is

a he was a villain that lived in

it’s a long

yeah he lived in someone’s head or something he

lived in someone’s neck on a little boat

and he was called the fisherman

that’s the best one you can find it on youtube

or on your website

it’s the best thing

that you’ve ever done

in my opinion i mean you’ve done a lot of

great stuff but

one of my favorites cause i did not know it was you

until i started

watching it

was drunk history

when you talked

about nikola tesla yeah

first of all i loved it because

you and i are both huge

tesla fans and we’ve talked so many times

about how fascinating that guy was

with the fact that you did that video where you got

super duper fucking drunk

or just going off about

it what did you say about

can we play that because it’s

great you played

drunk history because

it’s really fucking brilliant it’s episode two right

the most recent one and if you go online if you want to

watch it online look for

drunk history what on youtube

drunk history

drunk history

tesla just look

under duncan

trussell to

d u n c a n

trussell is

t r u s s e l l and it’s fucking hilarious so we’re

gonna play the

audio of it

but you should

watch the video of it too because

john c reilly’s in it and he plays

tesla chris

and glover yeah

no yeah john

t reilly plays

tesla and chris v and

glover plays

edison it’s fucking brilliant

awesome how cool was it to have

shit you did

and have fucking john

c reilly doing your words well it was like

cause i was looking

i was like wow that’s what i’d look like if i could act

you can act dude i

know acting is just

about getting comfortable you

are very good at committing to

weird shit yeah

you remember that one time that we did this

weird backstage

thing where

brian was filming it we were pretending like we were

gonna film a documentary i

do remember that

yeah that was fun man but i’ll tell you this acting

it’s not is this it

right here yeah

here’s drunk history with duncan truffle

and how drunk were you when you did this blacked out

blacked out drunk what did you drink

absinthe in

a six pack of beer

oh my god how much absent half a bottle of oh my god

yeah that stuff gets you so weird i

could have died

really nikola

tesla oh my god

nikola tesla

was the father

of western technology oh my

everything we know is like

modern electricity tesla

invented that

he also invented wireless

technology he invented the radio

supposedly one day he was taking a walk in a park

and he suddenly experienced this tremendous flash

and he saw in

his mind the perfect blueprint of an engine

that would create something called

alternating current

and that was in his like

i have to go the united

states to meet edison

i’ll meet edison

so tesla sailed across the ocean

found edison

who at the time was like the king of electricity

edison it was like oh all right

well i guess you

you can work for me

and his job was

like his job was digging like ditches for edison

and from this guy westinghouse gave him money

to start working on his idea of alternating current

so edison didn’t like the idea of

alternating current because he owned all the patents on

direct current

alternating current was the

only too drunk

i can’t do it yes you can look at you dude

i’m gonna start puking

did you get all the details

right even though you’re so hammered i

think tesla

won the contract to supply all the electricity to the

world’s fair

and this pissed edison off he was like fuck this

alternating current is bad

alternating current will only cause massive deaths

and so he started this campaign to prove

that alternating current was like the

worst current he could use what he did is he

began to like publicly

electrocute animals

edison was an asshole he was like

taking like

sheep and being like look what happens when the

sheep touches the

alternating current

oh it blow it

gets electrocuted

look what happens when a cow

comes in contact with the alternating current it dies

tesla was horrified

and you’d be like this is

awful i am inventing electricity

and you look like an asshole

you look like a fucking idiot

i’m gonna throw up

i can’t do it good good night thank you everyone

tesla i discovered

the energy to run the world’s failure

and at that moment tesla

became an international figure

worshipped by everyone

so tesla had like a laboratory like

mark twain and like everybody who is

famous in the world come to the laboratory

do it like do things like make electricity

shoot around his body

people will be watching like look at him he’s on fire

mark twain will be there crying

the new idea was that

i don’t think you necessarily need

to have like power plants for there to be electricity

i think that you can take electricity from the air

this was directly opposed to

all of capitalist society

so he was basically ostracized from society

how did this come out of my body

they’re pieces there’s pineapple pieces

like i know i chewed it

he went crazy

you know but his

greatest pleasure

as he was getting old was feeding pigeons

and he fell in love with a specific pigeon

what’s going on brian internet just stopped

did it yeah it’s not loading up the whole video

oh okay well they can watch yeah you know

all right just go on youtube anyway yeah

well i think that was pretty much the gist of it but

did you have to

study for that

yeah i read a book on

tesla and i watched a documentary on tesla

so i had all my facts straight but you knew the whole

story beforehand because we’ve talked about

it many times

we both i didn’t know the extent of it

until because i knew enough

about it to know it would be a cool drunk history

and i’m friends with a guy who does that

derek waters and i was like you

gotta let me do tesla you know

tesla was another

one who believed he was in communication with the

with the aliens yeah

but see this is a

he believed he was receiving signals

right here’s an interesting point

that i think we

should talk about

cause you know you can use the term

aliens or whatever but

where do your jokes come from

yeah sure the ether

i’ve always said

that at my most creative i’m merely a passenger i’m

watching it all come out and i just

keep my own bullshit

from getting in the way of myself

from getting in the way of the idea like last

night like i was

in the middle of the writing and this is you know

you know when i’m

especially like late at

night i always find like

reasons to get distracted sometimes when i’m writing

so i’m in the middle of writing

and while i’m

thinking about something i

think wow look at all this

crazy shit i wrote

where is this all coming from

like all of a

sudden it’s me you know

thinking like in like this list ego way

like look at all the work you’ve done look at all this

and then the idea whatever i had

whoop slipped out of my head my head

it was just like hey

stupid you know it’s not

about you dummy it’s not about you

like getting any accolades are

you patting yourself on the back for fucking sitting in

front of a computer

punching keyboard

for five minutes

or five hours it

would it what it’s about is

what comes out that’s what it’s

about it’s about the

final result the

final product

and when that’s what you’re

thinking about

it’s really not even you

it’s like it’s just coming out of the air

yeah in fact

yeah the less

you that’s involved the better it’s better to

and that’s the hardest

thing because it’s like

trying to catch

those thoughts are trying to put yourself in the

right position

where those thought

where you’re

catching them and the

static’s gone

it’s fucking hard man in

fact is you

can’t force it and that’s the zen thing

if you try to catch it

it runs away from you

and if you don’t try to catch it

that’s when the thoughts

start popping into your head and usually

it’s like happening at times when you’re

not expecting it

you can’t you

can’t make it happen do you ever read the war of art

uh yeah as a

matter of fact yes yes i have yeah i love that

book i give it to people do you have a copy of it i do

thank you yeah

i give it to people they don’t have it

cause it’s such

a fucking amazing book when it comes to writing

but that dude stephen

pressfield he talks

a lot very openly

about the idea of a muse

you know that

like he shows up and does his work and the mew

shows up and

gives him the ideas i mean that’s like this ancient

idea and ancient thought but

it really does feel

like it’s something else besides you well you know the

we were talking

about this earlier

so john lily

the father of the flotation tank

um he sort of

breaking he openly says he had contact with

extra dimensional beings he used to

shoot ketamine and

climb into the tank yeah

he used to jab himself in the leg intramuscularly

with ketamine

a fucking cat tranquilizer

is that what it’s for cats

what does this

mean i thought

horses it’s for cats

i thought it was

horses i always

heard it was cats and he would

fucking go for a trip

they say ketamine is supposed to be one of the

weirdest psychedelic


mckenna had a very interesting way of describing it

he said ketamine is fairly recent as far as

like fairly new as far as like

human use and

mushrooms are around for

thousands and thousands of years document to human use

he said when you take a mushroom trip one of the

things that you’re taking in the trip is the idea that

you are embedding yourself and all the

other trips that happened

with all the

other mushrooms before

you engage in one big

joyous you know

interconnected experience

and that’s one of the reasons why mushrooms you

know it’s like it’s such this

powerful incredible

experience like

you’re having the

experience of everyone who’s ever had mushrooms

right whereas with ketamine he said ketamine is like

like an empty

office building

i must have not did

enough cause

that’s not what it was for me when i

had dream yeah

you’re talking

about special k

right yeah you have to

shoot it oh well

you can snort

it but if you want to

see the aliens

see the aliens

to me it was the

exact opposite it wasn’t like

loosen it it was just like oh i can’t walk up

these stairs

you know you can

watch youtube

videos of people on it

ketamine and

he’s a bad good

yeah ketamine is not one that i would

be really down with i

wouldn’t really be down with trying anything i have to

shoot in my fucking leg with a

horse needle

yeah duncan

trussell’s gonna go for a piss

this is the

duncan weak

bladder trussell

i’ll be right back right after it urinates

lucky it’s in the same room

we don’t have to miss him for long

yes i’ve never tried ketamine man i’ve

never tried anything that you can get addicted to and i

heard you can get addicted to ketamine

except alcohol

obviously caffeine

caffeine yeah

but vitamins

are healthy so you know you’re pretty addicted to them

i do know that

if i don’t take them i don’t feel as good

alright that’s that’s

definitely so you’re

addicted to him

you’re addicted

to it makes you healthy maybe

are you addicted to sleep

shut the fuck up

don’t look at that over sleeping

definitely yeah

so what have you done if you’ve done ketamine

you snorted it

yeah how much

did you do do you know

i don’t remember

quite a lot

a couple lines

along with the lines

like an instrument

line you don’t even know

how much you’re doing finger size just taking a shot

like a cd size

you know how

crazy are people in drugs they just go snorting

something they’re not measuring it i don’t know the do

stupid young kid

the only reason

i did it because i was on acid and i wasn’t

thinking right

oh you kidding

while you’re already on

no you kidding

okay so you’ve done that and what other like

harsh stuff you tried crack right nah

you didn’t i know this guy looks like me allegedly

might have done

it this guy that looks

like you that allegedly might have smoked crack

right what did he say about it

it’s just like doing cocaine

kind of it makes you feel kind of

i don’t know

it has such a gross

smell that to me it was just kind of like i’ve focused

focused my all my shit on that

smell and just like being like

gross like really

gross feeling dmt has a funky

smell to dmt sounds like it

smells like something you should not be smoking

right but then the aliens come

right and take you away

yeah i think the coolest shit was definitely ecstasy

and that was

candy flipping where you do acid and

ecstasy that’s

dangerous man when you fucking mind drugs

like that you don’t know the

exact results of the

the two of them together

that can be

funky man some

weird shit can happen

yeah mckenna told a

story about doing

i think he did

i’m sorry a lot of whippets

have you done whippets

joe have you done

whippets before

yes i did whippets when i worked at newport

creamery but i

did you really i

found them to be quite weak

i didn’t like

it did you have like silver around your lips and they

found you in the freezer

no we worked at a

creamery and they had

those big whipped

cream things

get high off

those yeah used

to buy and buy the case get the

crackers with the balloons

you know and just sit there i only did it once

i did it once it gave me like a head rush

i didn’t like

it i love it

duncan you love it don’t you how do you not like

whippets i know you

gotta love whippets hippie

crack man didn’t i was unicorn

gas brother

didn’t like it

unicorn gas

unicorn gas they superheat unicorns turn into nitrous

oxide i remember

there was a way to do a whip it

where you attached it

to a bong somehow so the whip it was taking a bong hit

i think it’s like you pull it you

put it in and

then you put it on the end what i was saying

about combining

drugs before i forgot was that mckenna told the

story once of taking he took

ayahuasca and he took mushrooms at the same time

i think he took

or he took an

m a o inhibitor in mushrooms it might have been that

it might have been that he took an m a

o inhibitor like he took harmony

and he took mushrooms at the same time

and he said it just

fucked him up to the

point where he was

watching his memory dissolve inside of his

brain and getting

chewed up like in the gears of a machine

like irreplaceably he knew he

would never get

these thoughts and ideas back

that just took him like the longest time to feel safe

that he was really at one

point in time of trip convinced that this is it

you are never

coming back from this like you’ve gone so deep you’re

never coming home that you know what that reminds me of

this is fascinating because i thought of this recently

so the inventor of lsd

albert hoffman

he was the first person to take lsd

took it in the

laboratory and when he took it

you know they call it bicycle day

right you know the whole

story did you call it bicycle day yeah no

the day lsd was invented oh

really bicycle day because

he took and he went for riding his bike and

he looked down as flying over the mountains and that

started the 60s well it was the 40s so it was a little

while but so anyway he

when he took that lsd

he took a huge dose

and he did not know that it would stop

like if you’ve ever taken lsd

and you’re having like

maybe not the best trip

there’s always a friend nearby to be like don’t

worry you’ll be

fine a couple

hours relax

hoffman he didn’t have that

he couldn’t put on any pink floyd

there was no tie dyes to stare at

there was just him in bed

with his wife giving him milk

they were giving

him milk and he said he was being attacked by

demons in his bed

the first person that ever did anything

psychedelic like that or a first

experience like that when there’s no information the

worst must have been so terrifying the

worst trip every time

cause someone will find a new one

cause this is the

thing i was thinking

you know the amazing

story of how

dmt or iowasca comes from like you’ve told me this a

zillion different herbs in the

jungle and how the fuck did someone figure that out no

no this is what i think

you know most of the planet is ocean

so there’s gotta be


plants under the

ocean there’s

gotta be some kind of

crazy mix of shit that someone’s gonna find

and take and there’s

gonna be a new

psychedelic drug i’m not saying it’s

gonna come from the sea but

there’s gonna be a new

there’s gonna be a new drug that comes out

eventually that has the same impact that ls snorting

you really think so

i hope so give

her snort stimulus

well the thing is

everything that comes up they throw the

water on it

everything you know

salvia there’s no reason

to make salvia illegal no one’s died of salvia ever

but they’re

pulling it off the

shelf i have a reason to make salvia

illegal why yeah

because the retarded

internet videos it produces

brian did one

there’s just two men

i’m not yours your yourself your

videos are great

i’m talking

about all the

other ones i just can’t stand

watching someone turn themselves into someone with

ms it’s the

worst it’s not

exciting it’s like

watching britney

spears videos

like tmz you

still like car accident

wanna watch

this yeah well

sort of but

for someone okay let’s just say this is we are you know

men who have

lived longer than

others and we have

experienced more than others

but if you’re

living in fucking indiana and you’re 17 years old and

your friend just did salvia and you’re

gonna watch a

video and he told you it

changed his fucking life and he’s re examining the way

he looks at the world

and you watch that

video i mean that can

be kind of a trip

so we’re looking at it like saying all these

morons are doing this but

you know from your

point of view they’re morons

let me just say i don’t

think a lot of them are

morons let’s be real okay they’re

morons but here’s the

thing though

i was a moron

at god thank

god there was no youtube when i was doing drugs for the

first time you know but

fuck yeah but here’s the thing

the problem with when i see

those videos

inevitably here’s what you’ll see in the

background outside of viewers

what you’ll see in the

background is

a baby crib or

you’ll hear

they’re listening

the xbox is on full

blast or like

the opposite

things that you would

wanna have in the

background as you’re

trying to access a


state are happening

cause these kids

they don’t know how to take the


you gotta heat the oils

i just hate because there’s

such shaman

you know it’s really a fucking a

travesty that

we don’t have people that have experienced

these things

that are like

like reputable

you know they’d be some

sleazy shaman that are just trying to get

their dicks off

yeah some creepy dudes

which there are

while right now

which there are now there’s a lot of

those dudes out there now in the


community that are like kind of like fucking

fake wise men

there’s a lot of fake

wise members

yeah there’s a lot

of people that are trying but you know half of them is

fake you know how

about the old

when someone’s telling you

about some deep

heavy thing and then it’s like

cigarette so many of them

so fucking many of them

i swear to god dude i was in

front of the improv

and a guy started telling me

about how dangerous chemtrails were

and then lit a

fucking cigarette

it’s like dude

you’re sucking

poisonous gas intentionally into your

mouth why are you worried

what the fuck are you

worried about

chemtrails for

you’re doing this 10 times

worse you’re making chemtrails

could you imagine if

babies could

smoke cigarettes

if babies had

cigarette smoke pumped in their

lungs the way this guy i

think they should have well

if chemtrails are bad if chemtrails

are really that bad is really that bad for you

what he’s doing i mean

it’s not as bad

cigarettes are not as bad

no i pointed it out it’s fucking way worse

he felt bad

about it you know

babies are doing fine getting

blasted by chemtrails

what i’m saying is if you gave baby

cigarettes they’d be fucked

oh yeah right

right yeah you don’t seem a lot of fucking

you yeah you don’t see like

angry babies you do though if you watch them

videos from thailand

yeah two year old from thailand smoking cigarette

thing ever i’m sorry

a kid smoking is cute

it’s very strange

they don’t give a fuck over there it is cute

it’s adorable

i don’t know why but there’s something adorable

kid gets mad when he

doesn’t get a cigarettes

oh yeah those temper tan

freaks yeah when you’re two or three or whatever he is

you got no self control

nicotine fits my both you guys have kicked

cigarettes brian you’re back on cigarettes right yeah

i was first

back you quit for good

okay so i’ve never done the cigarettes

tell me what is the pull why is it so difficult to quit

what is it well it’s

one of the most addictive substances on the planet

according to scientists

it’s fucking horrible

here’s the thing here’s the

thing so you’re

hooked on here that’s what they say that’s this

thing they always say

let’s say you’re an ex heroin addict

and you’re in the program you’re

going to na and you’re working on your life

heroin’s legal

right so every time you go out in public

and walk to go get your groceries

there’s a chance that when you go into the grocery

store there’s a guy with a belt around his arm

shooting up before he goes to get milk

going deep so just

everywhere you go yeah

you’re getting

triggered with you

with cigarettes

it’s like with

cigarettes you’re

hooked on the most addictive substance

but everywhere you go there’s

going to be a couple of people smoking

triggering that addiction

and forcing you back into the cycle and

the reaction is you’re not

going to die for having that one

cigarette you’re

going to actually feel relaxed

and exactly what you

want you know you’re not

going to be like

i had a cigarette and i had a

heart attack and died you know

it’s incredible it’s incredible how widespread it is

it’s mostly

for stress you know it’s mostly for relaxation

it’s just like any drug but very mild compared to

every other drug i was very

lucky that i had friends

when i was in high

school that had

already started smoking

cigarettes that already were hooked

i was like this is incredible they’re

seventeen years old and hooked on

cigarettes this is just fucking insane

and so i made sure that i

never did it i

tried i think i

tried it once i

tried a cigarette at a

party when i was like fifteen

i didn’t like it was discussed but here’s the but my

point is like if you see somebody smoking

cigarettes man

the smoking

cigarettes is

gross you ever see someone that that’s heroin guy

you ever know anybody that’s got

heroin problems i’ve

never known

well i guess i’ve

known a heroin

junkie here and there but i’ve

never been close with them

have you ever been around someone

right after they did it

no there’s this guy

named buffalo bill when i used to play pool in

white plains at

executive billiards in

white plains new york

there was a lot of action there a lot of gambling that

place used to

stay up till like four or five o’clock in the

morning the guy who owned it his name was guy hamilton

his cool motherfucker his actual name was guy azaridi

but he was a professional

piano player and he thought azaridi

sounded too guinea

so i went with guy hamilton

i think it sounds more professional

anyway they used to have

these tremendous

pool matches that

would go on dudes

would bet thousands and thousands of dollars and people

would bet in the

stands i mean it was

some of the most fun times of my life

watching people gamble

and there was this one

guy he used to come into play there was a dude named

george the greek

there was this

local house guy that had a ton of

money and he’d like to bet high he

would always fuck come on you cocksucker

you got no hot

you bet 5 000

and he always wanted to bet guys and so guys

would come in from out of

state to play

him and this dude buffalo bill

otherwise known as

water dog that was his

other nickname

and he was a heroin

junkie and what

would happen was he

would shoot heroin

and then he

would come out of the bathroom and sit in a seat

like this for a half an hour

i mean like this like a star

like his paws limp

like the double gay limp thing

and just sit there and his head

would like half

and then he

would get up

after like 25 minutes of that

he would get up and

start fucking

firing balls into the hole

with no fear really he

could not miss

he could not miss he was

one of the best players i’ve ever seen play and he was

blasted out of his fucking mind on heroin wow

i watched him run

100 balls he was playing straight pool

i don’t remember the number but it was always

several thousands of dollars

he was playing a game of straight pool

the dude ran

100 balls and out on a

table with these

tiny ass pockets

the pockets were not even four inches it was like

three and three

quarter inches

standard is

five inches the pros play on four and a half

these are like

three and three

quarter they were tiny ass

if you didn’t hit the ball perfect

it would jar in the pocket and

drive you fucking

crazy this dude

would fire them through

the fucking meat of the pocket like the pocket was a

swimming pool

and he was rolling

a golf ball into it he was a fucking master

and there’s dead

babies walking

around on heroin

black dead rattlesnake eyes

he might as well have been a fucking shark

his eyes were dead he was just heroin

to the gills

to the gills you’d look at him you saw no one in there

you saw no one in there

but he knew the rules of straight pool

and he would

fucking set up that

break shot and

smash that rock and be perfect on every ball

it was infuriating

and georgia

greek would get

crazy because he knew the guy was on the island

he goes he’s on the fucking shit

i wanna win this

money i gotta get this cock suck off the shit

i’m starting

up playing these fucking junkies anymore and he get

crazy and he

starts yelling he’s smoking

cigarettes i’m

gonna fucking

these fucking junkies

these fuck you didn’t hear a

word that guy was saying just firing balls on the whole

didn’t even look up

george is like you

literally yelling and

screaming because he’s

about to lose his

money and the guy didn’t miss a ball just

didn’t even pay attention

it’s just something that you know like with heroin

you know obviously it seems to

engender some kind of creative state

for music it certainly

works but i

never thought there was like

eye hand coordination associated with it

you know what it is no his eye and

coordination is already he’s been playing pool for his

whole life this guy is a i mean

water dog was

this guy that had played all over the fucking

world i mean

he was a killer

he was one of

those dudes

would come into a pool hall

you know there’s a lot of pool halls all across america

where people are begging

for some guy to come in and challenge the

local player

cause they think fucking

danny’s playing good

he’s got some

money we’re

gonna mince

money if any fucking road guys

think they’re

gonna take the

money off danny

well he’s one of

those guys that

would slip into

these towns

where they would

still do to this day pool halls

a real action pool hall

those are fun fucking

places if you like pool

and the fun

part is when someone comes in and wants a gamble

so this guy

would come in all

dirty hair looking big fucking bald head

big stupid fat face

didn’t look healthy at all looked all fucked up and

you guys want to play

does anybody want to play

and people would look at him

going this guy had a fucking hustler he can’t even walk

he had this terrible limp

because he was in a bad car accident

always heroin

down always heroin

down and he

would just get in and just

fire on people

just when he was

if he had his mixture

right i’d seen

him fucked up before when he didn’t have his heroin

there was one time

where he wanted me to

sponsor him this is all back in

california when i

first moved here

i ran into him at hard times

billiards and he wanted me to put him in the tournament

yeah i’ll put you in the tournament

goes i gotta get my shit to be

right i go you

gotta get your shit okay

we’ll go get your shit he goes i need a ride i go where

compton get the fuck out of here

like i’m not driving a compton

i’m on a sitcom dude

i’m not trying to

driving a compton so you can cop heroin

so you can play pool petter

so he didn’t

get his heroin that day and he played like shit

he would have to get his heroin

perfect get his mixture right

he’s a very talented player though man he just

unfortunately got

under the grips of that shit but when he was on it man

he didn’t care how’s he

doing now he’s dead

that’s the thing

about heroin dudes they don’t

really last that long no that’s not a healthy drug

you know it’s not one that you know

but when they’re on it man they can yeah

it’s not one that

you come out

great i mean

it’s always the question

would jimi hendrix would have

he been jimi hendrix if it wasn’t for acid

if it wasn’t

for mushrooms

for you probably a lot better

can you imagine

if he was off it he was just like

jimi hitriks times 20

no way could

you imagine by the way

here’s the thing man i’ve got a friend who

argues that

that retarded argument that you another

contrarian you

would be better

if you weren’t on

whoever it is if they

weren’t on air and if they

weren’t on the mushrooms

weren’t on acid

they would be better and that is crap

where’s that coming from

has he never done anything

no he has but he’s like a jazz person and he’s

pointing out that like

miles davis was great

before he got in heroin

and it doesn’t

look yeah but

miles davis was always smoking weed

elvis presley

never did drugs all

those guys smoked weed

i guarantee

miles davis smoked weed too

they’re fucking jazz musicians

man it’s like

comics i mean there’s a few

comics don’t

smoke weed there’s a few of us

but for the most part

unless they have health problems why

wouldn’t you like you know

philip k dick

dedicated one of his books to all

these people who had gone insane from

uh psychedelics wow

and he had a

he had i can’t remember how he described it

but the way he described it was like

he described them as like i can’t

remember the brilliant person out there knows it was

at the end of that awesome animated waking lifestyle

movie they did

what’s that

what was that

scanner dark yeah

scanner dark but

it’s like kind of like

the risk involved in

deciding to do

psychedelics or do whatever it is to enhance

your art there’s a certain risk involved because

sometimes you aren’t

gonna come back

sometimes like when

mckenna makes the

mao inhibitor

and the whatever and his

mind is getting ground up

he there’s a chance he

might not have got

some people don’t make it out

like some people you run into him they at some

point in their life they’re probably brilliant

they had it together they

were there but now they’re like borderline personality

well it’s also i

think how you handle the trip and what direction

you decide to let your consciousness go into yeah

i mean there’s parts in a trip

where you can let go and

everything could be okay or you can

fight it and you’re fucked

but i think that’s also the case in real life i

think after the

experience is over

there’s there’s an adjustment

period when you have a really intense experience

where you come back to reality in regular

everyday life and it seems pretty

lame and it seems fake and it seems

slippery you

know one of the last time i did dmt was a few years ago

and i didn’t do it

again because

the for like a couple of weeks

after the experience like life in my

inept way of describing it became slippery

i felt that reality was very

slippery the idea that this

insanely intense much more powerful

experience than everyday life was available that easily

that it was just three puffs away and

boom you’re in this new dimension

that was too crazy to me it was really hard to go

and apply anything that i might have got from that

experience positively into regular everyday life

because it made regular

everyday life seem so transparent

it’s tricky it’s tricky because it’s not useful

if you can’t enjoy this life

like the last thing you want to do is

enjoy only the psychedelic world

and then you’re just

fucked up on a new thing

every single day and

never you never interact with people here and it

doesn’t enhance here it

doesn’t enhance this consciousness this

state of consciousness also

any cause there

people who are advocates of psychedelics

some of them

i think take

a bit of a delusional approach by making it seem like

these things

are always gonna be safe you’re always

gonna be fine

it’s like any

great thing

has an inherent risk

the ones you’re

gonna be fine

for the most part though are the natural ones

don’t hear about people

dying from peyote

or mushrooms or dmt

no i don’t think

you’re gonna die and i even even go

crazy you hear the

great crazy from acid

crazy you hear from acid you hear you hear

brain damage from

mdma i’ve heard that i’ve

heard dudes i

think you can

get brain damage from

mdma as far as

going crazy from

lsd it’s like

the bottom line is your

brain is the

organic computer

right and whenever you’re putting some kind of external

thing in it that’s

shifting the way the operating

system works

and then rebooting it and

bringing it back online

just like any computer there’s some chance

that when that you

lose a program yeah too

there’s a big question mark in your dock yeah exactly

there was microsoft word what the fuck

yeah because you know i

laptop loses

sound yeah yeah

i wish that it wasn’t that way but if

you know sometimes if you

for example

go look at a

video of timothy leary

late in his life

you know what was he like

pull up like a timothy

leary well no we

don’t have to just describe what he’s like he’s lucid

no he’s no he’s not losing

he fucked up he’s a little

little fucked up man

maybe he was always like that but it seems

that there is some sort of

neurological impact the

vast amount of

psychedelics he’s done

it’s a negative

neurological impact well mckenna is the you know the

great bard of the

psychedelic movement

right yeah and you know he died of a

brain tumor

yeah i mean and he did say

no the doctor said there’s

never been a case of mushrooms causing that

but it’s not just mushrooms he was doing he was doing

well not only that the doctor

might not have ever

known anyone to take as much mushrooms as mckenna

yeah i mean you’re talking

about a really special case

i mean there’s a guy who took a lot of fucking


all over his life

the guy died of

a mushroom shaped

tumor i mean

literally had a

tumor that shaped like a mushroom in

his head he that must have been so embarrassing for him

do you really

think so why did it have to be shaped like a

mushroom no

he actually

he actually was fairly open

about it and he said

that a shorter

intense life worth living

if that is the cost of the experiences that he’s had

it’s absolutely

worth it but

it’s like if you are a masturbation advocate

and you’re like it’s totally

fine it’s healthy you can jerk off all the time it

doesn’t do anything

and you went

got a brain scan

and it looked like there was

a tumor shaped like a jar of vaseline in your

brain and a

huge dick yeah

it would suck

why would it be a jar of vaseline

i don’t know it

would be a dick

tumor you tried to get

obscure there

she said like a dick a dick

so many other

things it was just

too obvious

was vaseline ever really a way to masturbate

because i tried to use it the other day and was like

kidding me it’s not the right way

i did it once when i was in high

school and i was like that

definitely feels better than you just using my hand

but not worth the effort so i did it once

vaseline and ben gay is

awful master and also

i still have frozen in my memory

i went to this really lonely guys

apartment once

he was editing something and like

on his fucking

desk was an open jar of vaseline with puma

oh no it wasn’t yeah you like forgot to clean oh

it’s not funny

it’s like ugh

or he just didn’t care he’s like yeah it’s my vaseline

that’s my dipping jug

that’s gross

i watched this incredible documentary

with it was a show in the uk with eddie izzard

did you hear about it marathon man

no the reason why i’m thinking

about vaseline is

he ran these marathons

and one of the things he had to do was put like

vaseline or some

lubrication all over his

sack and his balls and his

dick and his nipples he ran

some insane number

of marathons in a row like over 40 in a row to raise

money for this

thing and he’s not in

shape and he

doesn’t didn’t have a history of running

and he just

started running

marathons he was running them like he ran a thousand

miles he ran all around the uk did it in like a

month it’s fucking incredible man

it’s incredible because he’s not even in

shape he just did it

for sheer willpower

i couldn’t imagine if i had to run

26 fucking miles a day over and over and over again

i mean he was having all

these problems like

today is my 11th marathon

he gets to the fucking finish

11th in a row

dude in 10 days he ran 11 fucking marathons

or in 11 days rather he ran 10 marathons

and he kept

going he kept

going he would take a day off

every now and then when they

literally told him you can’t walk

today your feet are so fucked up

you got blisters

i mean they were cutting

blisters off and

draining them with needles and he’s wincing

and then he

would just run

another marathon the next day it’s fucking incredible

incredible i

never would have

expected it

you know i always saw that guy on tv

you know and

he had some pretty clever material and he’s

wearing a dress and i was like okay i

guess that’s his shtick

whatever i don’t give a fuck

i never really paid attention

but after watching this documentary i’m like wow

like that guy’s a

powerful motherfucker

that was a brilliant thing

i mean the the

the fact that he was able to push himself to run

some like forty something fucking marathons

over a thousand

miles he ran

i think was a thousand one hundred

miles or something

crazy like that

he ran all around the uk

it’s fucking amazing and he’s

like you know he’s

a fat guy who’s 47 years old

he just willed himself to do it he’s

never been a competitive athlete he’s

never done anything

like that in his life yeah it really shows you

where you’re setting

the bar in your life because like

yesterday i was like willed myself to

carry my groceries up my steps

i was like this

is pretty good he didn’t take the elevator

by his house

somebody had

glued pubic hair to the

just the crossing button

you know where you push to

cross i had to

press it and you

get pubic hair

no i mean that’s

that’s a that is a

i don’t know how it applies

but yeah somebody

in my neighborhood

in my neighborhood is

filled it’s a hipster hive

and it’s like

filthy hipsters

someone had the brilliant idea of clipping

their pubic hair

and using rubber cement to glue it

on the button you have to

press across the

street now how does the hipster

community get started

how do hipsters

take over a neighborhood

i know how puerto ricans do it

i know how chinese people do it

it starts with disagreeing with

their country

and then they only say

that goes one language

they meet together

they form a community hipster

high town the word hipster is like a new word for like

the subculture and the subculture gets pushed

basically it’s like

but is it really the subculture it is

monstrously huge

it’s like the idea of alternative

music it’s not

alternative when it’s selling millions of copies

it goes like this here’s the way it works there’s

there’s like

on the very fringes of society

they’re the artists

like the real artists the people who are getting like

alien transmissions or whatever you want to call it

they’re getting super

inspiration and they’re creating amazing

things and usually

these people are not

like the mainstream

they’re way different they’re usually

crazy or off or they’re not

they’re not

in the same dimension that

most people are

right right

dude if you put this up to your

mouth it’ll be better

you’re varying a lot

because you keep turning away from the microphone

is that better yeah it’s very


people get annoyed at this shit

sorry guys we

could put condenser

microphones up but then you’d hear my

dogs barking and you’d hear the fucking

water running

so so hipster

theory hipster

theory so you get the artist

and the artist’s got a

group of friends right

the group of friends are really

annoying and

everyone cool moves away they’re kind of artists no

they’re kind of artists

and they start imitating

whoever this charismatic figure so you get that

group of friends right

and so that

group of friends there’s

the first group of people that goes and moves in

the shittiest


where the rent’s low

cause they’re all artists they don’t have a lot of

money now you’ve got a pretty cool

group of people

cause you got the guy who’s

using the weird

stencils at the

baby holding

the bomb and the flowers and he lives downtown

and everyone knows he’s a genius and

his friends

live there too so let’s go move downtown so what

maybe we’ll get beaten up or mugged

a couple of times but we’ll be around banksy the

super artistic i was living down a shitty part of town

so then what

ends up happening is you get

following the

group of friends another

group of people who are friends with the friends

and these are the

posers and then

those are the people who

start filling up the neighborhood

and that’s when you get a hipster neighborhood because

you get one really

crazy guy who’s like

you know what

today i’m gonna

dress like the

front of sergeant pepper out

i’m gonna curl my mustache out and wear bell bottoms

what’s it feel

like to live in the center of the hive though

is there anything

cause i know you watch em

through binoculars at night and

study them so

is there like it’s

a lot of parties with the depeche

mode but like backwards

or something you like it do you like living with all

these hipsters

i’d rather live there than west hollywood or live there

with like people who are

who are you know

taking authentic pleasure in riding the bullet

saddle ranch you know

i’d rather live there than like

around a group of people who love karaoke

yeah i don’t like to be i like to live around

know people

that’s why we

were thought to be suburban at all

have you ever thought to move to like

a burbank or is like a more suburban neighborhood or

you kind of

like being in no i’m we’re looking for a

place right now we’re

trying to get the fuck out of there we’re looking for

place well we

wanna move near me man we

wanna live in that area

right here this is mars

i was telling you

you don’t even know what mars is you

should have

lived with me

or come to visit me when i was living in colorado

when i was living in

colorado i was living on the top of a mountain

3 000 feet above boulder

150 acres eight

miles up a dirt road into the woods that was mars

that was literally you

would see the sky at night

just filled with stars too

soon too soon

too soon too soon

move up there after

move up there

after the israelis

start bombing ira

no listen man

the only problem up there is having

babies having little kids up there and having a wife

doesn’t have

driving the snow if it wasn’t for all that shit i would

still be up there

right it was incredible

it was like

you’re living around the most incredible artwork that’s

ever been created by anything and it’s natural artwork

these mountains it’s not a painting

it’s a natural

three dimensional gigantic

super beautiful

thing that’s

right in front of you all the time

and it’s humbling and majestic and i

would drive up this fucking road

to the mountain

and as you’re turning

and you’re seeing the snow cap peaks in july there’s

snow on them

and it’s just

staggeringly beautiful and the sky is

just crisp and

clean there’s not a hint of smog

it’s incredible incredible

if you can live in a

place like that why

wouldn’t you

but it’s hard

i think that’s we have

babies and your dog gets

eaten by a fucking mountain lion

it’s not easy i

think that’s the

isn’t that the plot of the shining no

well it kind of is yeah

dude was already nuts man i’m not nuts that’s the

point no no fuck

by the yeah he is joey

what the fuck

are you talking about

i am trying the

truth is joe

ate the dog

here this means i am driving

joe ate the dog actually there was no mountain lion

dogs talking shit if you read

the book the shot

the dog was

talking shit

too many barks

while i was writing i got crazy

joe what are you doing out there i have to

write when everyone’s asleep man don’t you

when do you

write can you

write during the day

i just have to be alone

i don’t feel like i get the same


i don’t feel like i get the same

connection to the universe it

sounds completely retarded

but when more

people are asleep i feel like there’s less interference

you know oh

i seriously i really

one of the reasons why and it

sounds totally hippie

you know go wear a crystal you faggot it

sounds like that but

one of the reasons

why i like living way far away from people

is that i’m very sensitive

to people’s energy

i’m very sensitive to people’s intent

i’m very sensitive to what’s

going on and i

think even if i don’t want to tune that in i think

there’s a certain amount of really like low

low frequency


that you get from people

where you’re

around them all the time like if you’re around a

bunch of negative douchebags

even if you’re not interacting with them i

think they’re affecting the

frequency of the environment yeah

sounds silly

no it doesn’t but it

doesn’t if you go to new york city man

you feel the energy of the city

what exactly are

you feeling you’re feeling all the fucking people man

you’re feeling something that’s

intangible and also you know it’s like if you think

about it we

to survive when

back in the days

when it was common to get

eaten by a tiger and

stuff you had to be

completely in tune with

the tribe that you were living and the

tribe wasn’t in tune with each other

you were dead and

your tribe is

gluing pubic

hair to stop

yeah that’s my

tribe that’s your

tribe that’s what

you’re around that’s our tradition

that’s what you’re

around them well i know what you’re saying i feel less

influenced by

that level of

when it’s that far away but

it’s more like

the group of people that you

really hang around with like the person you live with

the people that you

drive around with

those are the people who are really shaping you

what if your wife

or your girlfriend

was the one that did that though

if you found out that she was the one that

glued the pubic

hairs to that’d be one of the happiest days of my life

my bitch is a

freak every fucking crazy

like why are you wandering around gluing pubic hairs oh

you just got horny and

crazy i don’t know i just it seemed like the

right thing they’re not even

pubic they’re actually my butthole hairs

wow i’ve been collecting them for 10 years

since i was

12 if i date

a girl with butthole hair and have to talk to her

about it no like have to yes

if my girlfriend had butthole hair no you

wouldn’t say anything you just deal

yeah well what am i gonna

say i would much

rather deal with that

once she had butthole hair

way back in the day and

the butthole hair had poop on it

oh i saw it

was hitting it

oh my god i was

i was only 21 too

so i totally went limp

i just could not keep it together

it was just too much i had

did you guys talk

about it no

i don’t remember what i said i don’t remember

i think i just

just fucking made an excuse and ran out of room

i dated this girl that had such

so much butthole hair that sometimes you put it in like

fuck her and it

would pull her butthole hair and

so you had to like

push it out the way before you

and really no

you useless motherfucker what the fuck

how dare you you can’t just make

you don’t belt

shout something like that

that’s what he does all the time he

thinks it’s cute fucking m night shamble and you guys

m night shamble

how unappetizing

do his movies look

dude that new preview

every time it comes on everyone goes

it says m night shyamalan

people go oh get the fuck out of here

you can only rape my mind so many times sir

he’s got to change his name i’ve gone to two

movies where

that preview came on and both of them had that same

exact reaction yeah

people are sick of that dude

people are sick of that dude we’ve done some podcast

rants already

the fuck you m

night shamalama ding dong podcast

we’ve already done them so we can’t repeat it but

he’s one of

those guys where you know

there’s people that have accused him of

stealing the idea for the

sixth sense to

apparently there was something else that had the

exact same idea and was written very similar

does he keep getting

money to make movies

hollywood’s filled with retards man

maybe he’ll hit it

again who approved it

if he gets it this time man

he’s back he’s back look at

sixth sense he won the

oscar he won an

oscar or something

yeah i think

so that means that’s amazing though you make

one good thing

all you have to do is make one good thing

and you get like

seven bombs that you can do well he’s had some

that weren’t

that bad like unbreakable wasn’t that bad i didn’t

enjoy it i mean i

enjoyed it but i didn’t

think it was the

greatest thing in the world

but and then the village was kind of

goofy but it wasn’t atrocious

but i heard the one with marky mark the

plant one when the

plants come

alive and kill everybody

that was awful i’ve read it so bad

i’ve read it so bad it’s an unintentional comedy

what about this

new the new like what’s his name

i’m not there

i’m still here

what the one with the guy who did the

prank who went on letterman and kind of acted like

he went yes you did joaquim have you seen this joaquim

phoenix yeah

it’s a whole two year

prank that he was doing is it good acting

crazy no no i don’t

know everyone knew that he was doing a prank yeah

i don’t care

no one was fool

like everyone knew that he this is a

that means nothing to me

i don’t like

when people pretend to be something they’re not

unless it’s

brilliant right

you know you got to be borat okay yeah

if you can do that that’s that’s

funny to me

but just pretending you’re crazy

who cares it’s

yeah you wasted two years of your time

right i don’t care

about that guy at all

why would you even care about this

great actor he was

great and johnny cash

yeah but would you care about him

i mean it just

doesn’t seem like a good premise

for most people

it’s hard for a dude to do johnny cash in my eyes

and pull it off oh my

god you’re gonna do johnny cash

you’re not johnny cash

yeah why are you pretending you’re johnny cash

you’re gonna do johnny you got to be a bad


johnny cash

and he did it

pulled it off perfectly

i bought it hook line is a

great actor it’s brilliant

it was great and gladiator too he’s fucking fantastic

but i know creepy

relationship with his

sister that dude

that idea for that the prank

i know what it came from

it came from cocaine

really that’s a cocaine

idea he was doing blow with what’s his name um the guy

calling just

answer talking

he was doing blow

he was he was doing cocaine with a

who’s the guy did the

who produce the

movie colin

hanks colin

fuck off shyamalan

who was the guy who did it was i

have no idea oh

casey affleck

casey affleck

and joaquim

were doing blow you

think so and they that’s a

strong statement you just you just outed them

well i mean is that a surprise

it just feels like a coke idea it feels like an

idea okay this is just

purely your opinion

this in no way reflects the

opinion of the joe rogan this is not my opinion either

well you’re saying it though so

what happens now i don’t know i

think a lawsuit

i feel like a lawsuit’s happening that

would be funny

you said allegedly

no you didn’t

it’s my theory i don’t

know if it’s true the mic just same

picture so why did you why did you

think that why do you

think that because

it’s an ego idea it’s like an idea that like

you think you’re

gonna do this new brilliant

innovative cutting edge thing

and you’re gonna

diverge away from what you’re already

great at and

and then you just end up putting out this

thing where no one’s

tricked and everyone’s mildly annoyed

it’s just it’s like

it is so stupid

that’s so poignant

you nailed it just do what you’re good at

don’t because

this always happens it always happens for a really

great actor

or someone so you

think it’s an ego

thing yeah it’s an ego

thing why is it an ego

thing because he wants to see that

if he can pull it off

yeah because

he wants to see if he can pull it off and he

thinks he’s important enough

where the entire country

is going to oh my god

joaquim what’s happened to our dear

wife no one cares

three months down the road you forgotten

about the guy

yeah it’s like a bit

disappointing because he was a good actor

he’s still a good actor he’s still

a good actor

mickey rourke went nutty and

stuffed some shit into his face remember when he had

fake cheekbones what was that he went nutty

it went nutty

but they took him back

they took him back well

i hope they take joaquin

back do you

yeah you don’t want him to lose his position

no i love his

movies he’s a

great actor

right he’s a

great actor what

about his hip hop

not impressed love it

love it that’s the only good

thing about that

movie is the music he’s

great this is my new song tell me what you

think today’s

i seen your girl’s butthole

dude don’t just give that stuff away

have you copyrighted that

i seen your girl’s butthole

it’s really good i was

searching late last

night you should make a movie

about that song

there’s several people that i know in my life that i

would love to

do one of those

windy city heat things

just have them convinced that we’re really

shooting yes a

movie with them

totally really doing a document have you ever seen

i haven’t seen

windy city heat it’s amazing

awesome i still

haven’t seen it i

still don’t watch

check it out so good

the idea for people don’t know is they convinced this

crazy guy that he was famous

allegedly allegedly crazy he’s crazy

yeah oh yeah allegedly

is that you really have to say that you have

to legally say that

i keep flesh like you get in trouble okay allegedly

you don’t want to hurt the

flesh no i can get in trouble

that’s not to do what i’m saying

don’t be you know i’m just very

i’m just very concerned my

legal advisor

shut up wait

wait hold on hold on wait you’re not my legal advisor

wait you’re saying that because joe

said that the main character

scary perry

in wendy city heat was crazy now

that place could not have

existed or that guy could not have existed

without the comedy

store the comedy

store is like

the magnet for the craziest fucking people

from all over the

world would be

drawn to that

place do you remember some

of the nutty

fucking people that we met at that place

how about that fucking hooker the

crazy hooker that was on camera just telling me about

she puts an ad in

craigslist and just shows up at guys

houses and fucks em and

that’s the old

way to do it nowadays you just become a porn star

is that what they do yeah

pornstar hookers it seems like everyone’s a pornstar

well it kind of makes

sense it’d be like good

advertising if you really wanted to be a hooker you

would do porn

and say you know you

could be used

they’d be fucking this right now

and then they

put an ad out you know that’s

crazy is that there’s this one porn star that’s pretty

well known i’m not

gonna say who it is

and i searched her and

found her on

one of those hooker

review websites have you seen these

where they review hookers

and they it’s like

it’s like it’s like amazon

where like that you know the girls

pussy smell

but like she did put out you know and was good and

you know anyways i

found her on there

and you could like it gives her rates and reviews

and it also gives her mobile cell

phone number so you can just call her up oh

i was like this is

ridiculous what is this website

what’s the name of

fuck i can’t remember that’s a good

thing for people to know

that is insane i

can’t remember i’m sure people are gonna start i

think reviews are always hilarious when you go on yelp

and someone’s taking the time to write a serious

free paragraph review

about a cafe

thoughtful thoughtful review like

there’s siskel and ebert and they’re reviewing like the

sherman oaks starbucks

i think some folks have like

they have aspirations like

hey i’ll start out reviewing shit on yelp and then i’ll

start a blog because

people enjoy my yelp reviews

and next thing you know gq will hire me to be their

resident critic

because of my

snarky reviews

sad sad pass i’m so snarky

i really know how to

cut you down

yeah cut you down to size no you know the

snarky reviews suck

but what’s even more unnerving

is when someone gives

a passionate

positive review for a shoney’s

or you know what i mean or someone like shoney’s

like denny’s

you know what i mean or for like

if you go on yelp you can look at reviews for like

office depot

or staples i yelp

i’m a yelp elite

are you a yelp

elite yeah how many times

they actually you did two things

today you made fun of him this is

the second one the salvia videos and the yellow

he’s a salvia

video and he’s a yelp retard i’m sorry i don’t mean to

i’m not talking about you

his reviews are great

i see your reviews are hilarious

look sometimes you get

you know something that you hate and

you want to make sure that if people are driving around

going let’s go to a restaurant

bam oh this is something

you know for the most part this is four stars you know

your reviews are different

i like access of information

you have to come off the ledge come off the ledge

yeah but would you take your

sweetie to a restaurant

if you looked at the reviews and it says

chef farts on every

plate before giving it to him

maybe it was

one review that said that yes i would be tempted

and if there was a restaurant

where a chef farted on the

plates i might go the best is when you go to people’s

if you follow that

stuff if you go to their review site where

you look at all their reviews and they’re all negative

they’re just

a rotten cunt

going everywhere

angry at everything they see

everywhere they go i like it

especially for dentists and everything

dentists and doctors so

if this doctor has

9 000 reviews all positive and except one negative i’m

going to go to that doctor you know

well there’s people that would complain

about it so duncan when you take these

harsh hits to

me it really hurts because you’re not really

thinking it out

i didn’t think that he’s helping man you’re helping the

world thank you how many reviews

do you have on yelp

i don’t know a lot

i love yelp yeah

i just girls

do girls ever

yelp you they send you yelp messages like i really

loved how you reviewed that taco bell

oh i have a lot dude i

would i love your writing yelp

yelp actually has parties for all the yelp

elites and then so you go there and goes

bomb on you dude it’s

like 40 people like 39 of them are

asian girls

and then there’s

so it’s like what

where did they have the party

we had it last year

when you walk in the room

we had a christmas

party at the viper

room last year

that would suck that 40 help

reviewers in your establishment because one

of them is gonna

leave a shit

brian walks

on totally purple leisure

shoot and you get served better

because you

like make you

print out a yelp

badge and put in

your wallet

and then you can like flip it when you go to the

hostess stand

and they automatically

serve you better and try harder

and cook your food but i’m just kidding i don’t do that

that was okay

you went too far with that one son you

should have bailed on that one

earlier you knew it was a stinger

do you believe it

how many how many

asian chicks have you met from

these things

not many i accidentally

i’ve only gone once a few

have you dated any of

these asian

chicks no really why

not just fuck them whoa

hey this is a family show

you’re gonna fuck up your but

you look at it and

you go hey i’m a single man now i’m out there yelping

nothing nothing makes me feel better

after i get out of a bad relationship than

right writing a yelp review you know i’ve

been yelping along

weed stores lately i’ve been yelping oh yeah yeah

that’s i mean it’s cool because like you go you read

these reviews and go hey

these people you know have

a cash machine they do credit cards i do review yelp

i mean i read the reviews but i do not review things

and that’s really

selfish for me i’m a fucking one way

street man yeah you’re like


torrance and

not sharing

i enjoy your reviews on yelp

but outside of red band

it’s just to me

like when you read some of the impassioned yelp review

where someone’s really

that pissed off that they’re like writing an angry

yelp review it’s always some of them are so dumb

you know what bothers me when they

start complaining

about the prices

and it’s so overpriced

and this and that and that and this and i don’t care

how good the food is 39

for a steak is ridiculous

well no it’s not if the guy goes to the butcher mart

himself and make sure he’s only getting

grass fed beef from very specific

organic cows

and he brings it to his restaurant this is the whole

point of what

he’s serving you he’s like the very best shit

from all over the world

and you’re complaining that it costs a few dollars

more like do you not

understand what he’s doing here how

about the old

the reason i gave this

three stars instead of

four stars is because when we came into the restaurant

it’s just like

the hostess was eating

you know her own meal

and had to finish her

mouthful before she could

speak to us

i got in trouble for one review because i

was so pissed off that i went home and did one of these

really bad reviews that you guys are talking

about gave it one star posted the

photo as being a kid with like hair missing

from his head for some reason you know like a

patch of hair

and i got in

trouble for it

why did you get in trouble

just because of the what i wrote

who did you get in

trouble from what did you write

what you want me to read a little bit no i don’t

i wrote well it was a

seven dollar haircut

and the guy fucked up your hair in the

picture that wasn’t

really you with fucked up hair and said it was you

yeah so you did a douchey

thing no no no no she just acted like she’d

never like cut hair in her life

like i was telling her

things and she

would like cut

start cutting the

maybe she was

hypnotized by your beauty

but anyways

maybe you should have busted a move

the worst thing ever

maybe that’s what it was man

maybe you just put the

spell on that

bitch she was

maybe it was your pheromone

like i really thought that she got her like

barbershop license

from like she thought the warranty card for the

clippers was like her you know that’s all she needed or

something it was that bad like she

never cut hair she

a frowns pun you see him

right there

brian frowns

frowns upon the prime

shiva is not happy the

dance of destruction not

happy isn’t

shiva supposed to be the god of cannabis

isn’t that like the yes yeah

yeah there’s a city in india

called varanasi

where they cremate

this is the city on the ganges

river where they cremate

all the bodies

and i went there

and marijuana’s

legal there because apparently

at the end of the

age of kaleuga

as shiva is beginning to destroy the universe

which is now this is khaliyu’s

age explain that before you get into anything because

a lot of people don’t know what the fuck we’re talking

about but the hindus

believe that there are these ages

it’s like you know

it’s like the

cycles of time

and i don’t

know the names of all the ages but the one we’re in

right now it’s

basically based on

the idea that

it’s almost

based on like devo’s premise

which is that we’re

de evolving and not

evolving so

like that’s devo’s premise

yeah devo de

evolution that’s what they stood for

oh that’s hilarious i did not know that

until right now yeah so

i thought they had cool music

no man they’re the de

evolution people

yeah it’s cool

but gates of

steel man so kalyuga

is what we’re so

basically the idea is this

when you have

fresh fruit

over time it

kind of rots when you have a flower it wilts

humanity’s the same way there’s a

cycle there’s a golden

age when that started

humans were

super intelligent

supertuna of the universe

and were just wilting and rotting

as we reproduce at massive

rates we’re diluting the gene lines and we’re now

apparently in the middle of the

age of kaleuga

or at the very beginning of the middle of the

age of kaleuga

and the symptoms of the

age of kaleuga are


like people are lazy

and so technology

what we consider to be a sign of

things advancing

is actually a sign of

things collapsing the fact that we need

technology and that our focus has turned towards

all the different things that people

think are important now

only shows that we’ve gotten really really

stupid when

in the beginning

of time when there wasn’t that many people

um language wasn’t necessary it’s kind of like

there’s an anarchist what the fuck is that guy’s name

i shouldn’t have said his name

he’s really intense

and he shares a similar viewpoint

someone out

there’s got to know this guy’s an anti technologist

and he believes that um

language and

symbols and

paintings and drawings and all of

these things are


and that before

the very act

of translating the universe into a

symbol is a lie

because you can’t

translate the universe into a

symbol and so

when people

started doing cave drawings to depict the universe

this was the beginning of the

collapse of society because

you’re interpreting

reality in a way that isn’t really reality

you know the

thing when you’re in a

conversation with somebody and you know you both agree

you can’t find the language to express it

and so you just stay in a fight

even though you know

underneath it all is

something that’s like

you both are on the same page somehow right so

anyway the whole

point is as

in the golden

age people didn’t have language they

didn’t have a written form

they didn’t need it

and then as

things began to collapse the written form

evolved and all the variants of it and

now we’re in the

age of kali ugaware

everyone’s completely

you know forgotten

everything so how many times did they the hindus

think that these

cycles have repeated themselves over

that question

because the way they

the way they explain it

is they say to know how many times this

cycle has happened

again and again

which is the idea is it’s

the creator

of breathes the universe out

and then sucks it back in it’s the pattern of breath so

the number of times that this has happened imagine

the himalayas

and imagine that once

some people say a year some people say

every hundred years a dove

flies over the very top peak of the himalayas

with a scarf

a silk scarf and the silk scarf

touches the very top peak

imagine the number of times

imagine that

that the himalayas had been ground down into a valley

that’s how many times the universe

has been born and destroyed that number of times

the amount of times it would take

a dove carrying a

scarf to erode it

of course this is not

precise math ideas

the idea is it’s infinite

literally it’s

literally possible

to put a number yeah it’s impossible to

understand so that this is

these ages have been anticipated over and over and over

again yeah and so do they believe

how long do they believe that

human beings have been here

i don’t know they do have a number for

it so they don’t believe that

human beings are

a few hundred thousand years old

or a million years old

they think we’re way way

older than that and they think that

this is the millionth version of

human beings and

that the universe is teeming with life

wow now what about the

vedas did you read

about that did

you read those

explain what that is so

the vedas are the

the collected

there’s different

the collected works of

hinduism which are

which is filled with like

references to flying

saucers and

space people

yeah yeah well i mean you know

yeah exactly it’s it’s

they use the

term gods or demigods and they believe that

when there was flying

things through the sky what did they call

those things i don’t know

about that i want to say vishnuz no

well they had no there’s like

i can’t remember

the name there are like flying chariots and stuff

like that yeah

but i mean that’s in that’s in

every that’s in almost

every religion there’s like

reports of flying

weird flying

things like

the book of ezekiel the prophet

is obviously

a ufo if it’s anything it’s someone talking

about a ufo is that the

wheel within a

wheel yeah yeah yeah

but yeah we’re in the

age of kali yuga

and this is the

age of disintegration and everyone’s dumb and everybody

thinks the most important thing is

like fucking and reproducing and what happens next

i suppose what happens next is the apocalypse where

you meet your what is

supposedly in according to the hindus

what is the next state like we go through this this

you know current

age so there’s the depiction if you look up kali

who is sheevah’s consort

then you’ll see this image of this like

crazy wild haired woman

crazy bitch we’re in the year of the crazy

bitch yeah and behind

i would never call callie that but

just out of pure superstition but behind callie

is humanity

so you see fire in all of humanity and there’s an

apocalypse happening

and colleagues wearing

around her neck a garland of heads and

those heads represent the gods

so she’s literally decapitated all of the

gods and carries

their heads around and is wearing

their heads

and she’s holding weapons in her hands but in one hand

she’s holding a flower

and that flower represents the next phase wow

so it’s like the idea is like

kind of what’s happening right now

which is holy shit that’s cool we’ve gotten so

smart that now we know of course

there’s not a god with a beard

and there’s not a

blue skinned god with forearms and there’s not i mean

there could be

super intelligent life but by now we know that the

symbol systems that

you know ancient people are

using to describe divinity

or just that

symbol systems

we’ve deconstructed it now to the

point where we’re

starting to

understand that

these things

the way that they were described that’s kind of like

a fairy tale

do you subscribe to the idea that most of

these people that have described all

these incredible

experiences really

stumbled upon


do you think that a lot of

these people were

tripping and that’s

where all these

things came from or do you

think it’s like ufos

what do you

think is the basis

for all these different religions

especially like the hindus

when you get to

stuff that gets really

really like

a science fiction e almost

i get into the multiple

histories of the universe theory and the idea that

we’re existing

right now there’s a

infinite number

of parallel universes that are all happening

around us and i

think that this

would create some kind of like

there’s like an actual

this sounds

crazy but i

think if you were

smart enough you

could map it out with coordinates

like all the different alternate realities

is it possible though if they’re infinite though how

could you map them all i

think you could to some certain degree

i think that there’s certain

levels of experience that have been

mapped out and

have been encoded in the form of religion

and those levels of

experience are encounters with divinity

and so when and i

think mckenna said this you know when you get into the

whole ufo thing and the

alien thing and the higher intelligence thing

the extraterrestrial

and the inter

dimensional being kind of become the same thing

so to me it’s very easy to believe that there’s life on

other planets and i

think that’s a very high

it’s impossible to not believe that in fact

based on what people

say about the expansiveness of the universe

but i also think that

outside of that

existing around us at all times

are other levels of

experience and we know this because we know

about the spectrum of light

you hear it over and over again

radio waves that if you

could tune in you could listen to

rush limbaugh

right now but

i think just in that way

there’s also

that you don’t see in

touch but they’re there there’s higher

levels of experience

other than that now

you have talked about

your dimethyltryptaman

experience and

other people have reported this experience and

when they talk

about it there’s two possibilities

there’s two basic possibilities one

the human mind is so fucking powerful

that somehow

under the influence of this drug

it can actually construct an alternate dimension

with super mathematical geometries that

are almost impossible to describe and so potent that it

apparently makes people feel like they’re going

to die from astonishment

as terrence mckinnon

says and i believe you’ve said the same thing

that tells you

they literally tell you to relax

they tell you to

relax and try to take it all in and do you

think that that’s your subconscious

trying to tell you that you can find an

experience here that you could take something from this

and you should learn how to

let it happen or

do you think

that something’s actually communicating with you that’s

where it gets

like really who the fuck knows well see that’s the

funny thing

about it is it’s like this whole

that people

have said i’m

sorry to interrupt

people have said

about that experience that

they could never have thought that up on

their own so they know

that there’s something

communicating with them

but i say that’s bullshit

like you could know

if you were

under the influence of a drug like

maybe your brain becomes

superpowered and your

creativity becomes

so powerful that you manifest

something that you actually believe is a real thing

and it’s only because something in your

brain is getting jabbed with some new chemical

i mean nobody

wants that possibility to be real

everybody wants

the idea of the more romantic vision is that you’re

tuning into another dimension

and communicating with

aliens but it’s also just as possible that

your imagination is fucking insanely

powerful because

you’re supposed to be able to create all sorts of

things that

allow people to

change the world it’s the iceberg theory of the

human mind we

the very tip we only use 10

of our that’s all bullshit

though that’s all been proven to be just ignorant

sure you can’t say

we only use a certain percentage of our

brain but you know there are percentages of our brain

that get used for different things

you can certainly make the

brain work better and do different

things if you add

electrical charges

to it if you add chemicals to it you can

get it to do

weird things

well i’m more of a theist than you are and i do

think that there are

i think there are higher

levels of intelligence that have their own

consciousness that you continue to i’m

open to that idea

i’m open to it but i also see no evidence of it

so i’m open

to it i’m a hundred percent open to it but i’m not

gonna commit to it i

would never say that that is what i

think is real

my problem is i think

when you start

thinking like that when there’s no evidence it gets

silly it gets

slippery but it’s

not looking for shit it’s not that yes i

agree you could be very

sloppy with this kind of stuff

but you’re not

sloppy i know you you you you

do come from

a very real

place it’s the

logic man it’s like

so here’s the logic the

logic is okay

the first question is

do you believe

that we are

the only intelligent beings in

an infinite universe

and so there’s a

group of people

who believe that

they’re foolish

right off the bat

you’d have to be foolish

to believe that you’d have to be foolish to know why

would you say that you

could ever have

the knowledge

it’s impossible at this current

stage of the game

that is an open answer

you cannot answer it

you should never say do you believe there is

intelligent life in the universe i have no information

i have nothing but it’s all just speculation yeah but

for me logically

just because the universe is

apparently infinite

in space whatever that means it’s a very big place

and just because we’re

you know every day they come back with like

we just found another

we just found another

planet that’s

a planet around a sun

and they have the idea

the goldilocks region

which they call the

perfect place next to the sun

where you need to be for life to exist and

based on just the few that they found

that implication is that there’s

obviously and you know this backwards and forwards

there’s millions of planets

surrounding suns and

based on that

there is an extremely high probability

that there’s

other life out there

right but it

could be other life that’s so

alien to us

that we can’t even recognize it we don’t have the

senses to depict it

it doesn’t have to be carbon based they

could be beans made of

light they could

be intelligent life made of air

made of a gas we

don’t know super

gigantic beings that are

the size of our galaxy

i mean we might be experiencing that

right now i mean

what i always use is what i call the fart theory

that if you didn’t have a nose and someone farted you

have no idea you’re sitting there in someone’s stench

how do we not

know that there are not an infinite number of

senses that we don’t possess

to detect an infinite amount of

things that around us all the time we just don’t have

any senses for

we don’t have the ability to tune into it

that’s possible

the only thing that

limits that is our own


if space can be infinite

so can possibilities

if the universe

literally is an infinite

place or as

close to infinite as is possible

then so are the possibilities

so are the possibilities of all sorts of different

things you know

about the hitchhiker’s

guide of the galaxy the improbability

drive no what is that have you read the hitchhiker’s

guide of the galaxy no

it’s very funny is it

good yeah it’s pretty good i mean

to be honest i

haven’t read it since

i was in high

school so it’s

probably a little cheesy now if i read it but

i still think

about it from time to time

the device that

drives the spaceships

or one of their

spaceships is called an improbability

drive and it

basically came into

existence on

its own because it was so improbable that it

would come into

existence so it sort of manifested itself

which is funny because

in the idea of in the idea of time machines

one of the ways that they think it

might happen is it

might just sort of come into

existence on its own if you just create the

right circumstance for it anyway the

well it makes

sense all you

have to do is you don’t have to really have to

create a time machine you just have to create a portal

for a time machine to use well you know the mit

and the time

machine will show up from the future you know the mit

experiment that they did no

so mit had this idea

which is like okay

if there’s time

travel why haven’t we seen time

travelers yet and so

what they did is

the theory was

we’ll create a

press conference

with shitloads of scientists almost like a party

where a time traveler

can come to this

moment and communicate whatever he needs to communicate

to the world

and so they

threw this big

thing where they had cameras and scientists and

all this shit

because the idea being that at whatever

point in the future that time

travel was invented they

would know about this they

would know enough that back to

this year what

year was this they did this

i think it was like the 80s

the 80s nobody showed up they didn’t know

shit back then

nobody showed up no scientist showed up either no time

travel no time

travel but the

science also showed up i

guess we know

that yeah the scientists showed up

well what they believe

is that none of this is

you know they is

might as well be talking

about fucking the x men

you know i don’t really know who the

fuck they are

using that word

but what scientists believe is that when the

first time machine is invented

that will be the moment that all

other time travelers from now

until eternity

get to come back to that

point at any

point in between they’ll be able to

flow freely through time

once the door has been open

and until that door is open there will be no time

travelers when we

first started hanging out

you gave me

a marijuana lollipop this is like

right at the beginning of our friendship

and i didn’t know anything

about eating pot or how

strong it was or whatever

and i i still remember this eating it

and then i you would just

started let

let me open up for you on the road

and i think it was

after so we’re driving back

and i’d eat one of

these things

and i’d never

heard you say

that idea before and i remember you saying that

and right at that moment the pot

started kicking in

and i was like

oh jesus christ

it was so intense man i thought i saw

alien heads

floating in the sky i was just so

freaked out

the idea is so

crazy but what’s really

crazy is look

just like the atomic bomb

the time machine

is not just possible it’s inevitable

if they’re going to keep

searching if

technology keeps increasing at the exponential rate

that it always has been increasing at

with its complexity with

innovation they’re

going to get more and more information

about matter and the

universe and time and they’re

going to get more and more power

more and more

ability to process

things i mean they just figured out a new

some sort of

a new chip that operates on

lights some quantum

leap in chip

technology and that

computers are

going to be infinitely more

powerful soon than they are now i

think time machines the

first time machine is actually

going to be invented in your head meaning they’re

going to program your head

to go back into the 1940s you

know before they actually will go back and forth dave

i think if you can

think of it it’s possible

right that’s a cool

idea though you know it’s

gonna open up your mind

it’s gonna open up your

like a hubble

telescope for time

you can peer back in

time or something and

watch it maybe

no you feel

like you’re in it you feel like you’re back in 1940

you know but your

brain’s just making you

think you’re in 1940 i’ve been talking

about time machines a lot on

stage lately

man i’ve been doing a lot of time machine material

now i just think the idea of the concept

is so fascinating and the grandfather paradox is so


that it’s such a

stupid reason

for people to believe that a time machine can

never exist

there’s a true

story that i tell on

stage that actually really did happen

where a guy came up to me and said that

your time machine joke is

funny but time machine is impossible

the guy wanted to

argue that time machines could

never be impossible because of the grandfathers oh

great you know the grandfather

paradox sure

the paradox says

if a time machine was real

you could go back in time and kill your grandfather

before your father was ever born thus

you could never been born to make a time machine

just like the most

ridiculous logic ever

like just because

first of all just because you

could go back in time and kill your grandfather and you

would cease to exist

just because you

could do that

doesn’t mean you

wouldn’t do that

it means you

could and maybe people

would and yeah they

would cease to

exist and yeah it

would break time

i mean yeah it’s possible that if people

could really go back in time they

could break time you know

about john teedor

that’s nonsense but no

it is nonsense of course but

the way that he dealt with that

paradox which i

think is really

smart is that

when you’re

traveling back in time you’re not really

traveling back in time

you’re traveling into an

alternate like

multiple universe

it’s similar to ours

and the further back you go

which is a really smart

thing that he

added to the hoax because

it made it so that his


could be off

a lot because they’re not in this

dimension because they’re not in this dimension but

the further back you go the more the timelines kind of

start splitting

apart and diverging so events

don’t line up exactly the same way

so it’s a great

idea of infinite universes saddened

people you know

when something looks that big it makes people depressed

you know when

you tell people like

maybe there are infinite lives that we are all living

you know all consecutively all

right next to each

other and they’re all

completely different

the idea that was like

it’s like i am just barely getting through the pack

the fact that i’m

living here in america

on earth in

2010 i’m barely

barely wrapping my

head around that

the idea that

there’s billions and billions and then that we’re

gonna redo this

every 15 billion years is

gonna be a new big bang

and people are gonna

eventually evolve

out of amoebas and fish and fucking lizards and

rabbits and

monkeys and and humans

really it just keeps

going over and over and over and over and over and over

again can i tell you my new theory of reincarnation yes

and it’s really

intense because i thought of this and it

freaked me out it’s pretty horrible

so it’s like

the common idea

of reincarnation if you subscribe to the theory

is that you die

and you’re born

again you go through your childhood

you grow up

and then you die

maybe you get born as a cat

maybe a butterfly

maybe an amoeba

this is what i was thinking

cause i had a dream once

and in this dream

i was a kid

a little girl

and my mom was rubbing my head

and i knew i was dying

but i didn’t know what that meant

except i knew it was bad

and i could kind of feel myself fading out

there was this

white sort of

thing happening and then i woke up

out of the dream like fuck what a shitty

dream so i was

thinking like oh fuck

what if that’s what reincarnation is

what if when you die

you know when you’re driving home one night

you’ve had too many pot lollipops

you’re listening to

coast to coast someone says something

shocking that makes you look away from the road

you swerve off you slam into a tree

you wake up

you’re here back in your

house like ah fuck what a shitty dream

but you’ve really died you just reincarnated

again into an

alternate reality in an alternate reality so you

literally can’t die

there’s no break

this just goes on forever and ever and ever and ever

no break no stopping no new age

going into the

light and seeing

your parents and your family and taking a

going to some new

age cosmic spa

where you get to

shake off all your shitty karma

it never stops

it just keeps happening

again and again

maybe like right now there’s an

earthquake and the ceiling collapses

and all of a

sudden you’re just some daydreaming

cabby in boston like wow that was fucking weird

just imagining i was a comedian in la but

you know what i mean well that’s

bizarre you’re

gonna change lives you

just snap into

another alternate life you

become the guy who rides this body out yeah you snap

into an alternate life with all your memories embedded

everything already embedded in there because it’s an

infinite it goes

on forever what if your consciousness is living a

bunch of different lives simultaneously

you just can’t see them

it’s like an

office filled with cubicles and no one’s poking

their head over the top of the cubicle yeah

right they’re all

rolling at the same time yeah or like the way i thought

about it is like

if there was like something this

sounds really crazy but

imagine that each of your fingers this

sounds insane

but imagine like each of your fingers had

their own personality and their own

consciousness or something

it’s like and you

could stick them

through some kind of hole where they

would forget they were attached to your hand and they

would just think that they were

their own individual

selves you know what i mean

maybe that’s what we are we’re just like little fingers

protruding into this dimension from some infinite thing

but the product of protruding

into this dimension is we get instantaneous amnesia

and part of like dealing with the

shock of coming into this dimension

is we forget our true

identity and replace it with our ego

structures wow

well one of the

things that

yeah son one of the

things that

you did quite a

bunch when you were my roommate

duncan lived with me a few years back for

a few months happy

happy it wasn’t a few

months it was like

three weeks

two or three weeks it was

you were so awesome

anyway duncan

one of my best friends

great guy and

came over and was

getting the tank all the time

so for me it was fascinating because

i’ve offered the tank

to so many of my friends i’ve offered to so many people

but there’s something

about it that

weirds people the fuck out you

know very few of them

when tate lived here he barely got in that thing

and i was like how are you not in that

thing every day

we have the opportunity

to literally that is a

gateway to the center of the universe that’s a fucking

spaceship right there

that’s a spaceship to

inner space

you climb in that

thing you’re

gonna get rocketed into interspace it’s

right there it’s in the basement you’re

gonna use that shit

but for whatever

reason most dudes are scared of it you jumped in that

thing man you were in that

thing a lot

well because

at like for a very long time i wanted to go in

one of those

things because i was

you know i knew

about john lilly and also of course the altered

states the movie

where the guy turns into a monkey

always wanted to want to go

i want to go on that one now

that fucking

thing if you

haven’t seen

his tank it’s

evolved when i was

when i was here

you used to pee in his old tank didn’t you

when you used to go in it you said you did

i didn’t pee

you’re an asshole i

never i’ve met brunch

but the old tank was like it was cool looking

but this fucking

thing looks like a holodeck down there some steel

giant weird

things like a refrigerator

yeah it’s this that’s the that’s the

mothership man

that thing puts you into

right shoots you into

inner space

i mean really

it’s really what it is i mean

what is space

space is you’re

supposed to be flying out into the infinite

well there’s no

space like the fucking

space in your head because that

truly is infinite

you don’t have to

worry about

running into asteroids or there’s nothing out there

i mean it’s just free open energy and no

your body is not connected it’s just the line

well when i was staying with

you it was because i’d been living with a girl and the

whole thing collapsed i don’t want to talk

about that but

it was really cool to go into the so

when i moved into

burt with joe

he was very

kind and he’s like you have unlimited access

to my weed my flotation tank

which was a super

i mean if you’ve ever been out

just gotten out of a shitty relationship

that is like an incredible gift to give someone

but the combination of the weed

and the flotation tank and just

just everything collapsing around you when you go

into when i went to the tank the first time

you know there’s like a period

where nothing’s really happening you

gotta learn to

relax you gotta

relax but all of a

sudden the big

experience i had was

all these like

memories of the relationship

started appearing in

front of me like

and this sounds so like a seminar

like when you know when you do a

multi chat on apple

you know what i mean i

swear to god it was like

oh that’s when we were at the beach

oh that’s when we first met

and it’s all playing out in this like

with such great detail that uh

i my normal memories

never works like that but it was you

could just see these

things happening

that you never noticed before

and you would just come out of the tank

after having

these vivid memories

completely depressed like great

thanks tank

thanks for walking

me through my miserable relationship that was

you know if i had more

time machine

i’m sure better

things well you know what it is is

those are the

things that are bothering you

those are the memories

that you’re suppressing

those that’s the pain the fact that

you were deeply in love and you were in this beautiful

a place and now you’re without it

now it’s been

taken away from you

like a limb

like a limb that you miss like a part of

one of your

organs or something

a part of your soul

and the tank wants you to be

aware of that the tank wants

all the things that fuck with you like i can’t have any

secrets in my head and go in the tank

there’s no secrets

anything you don’t want to talk about

tanks like hey

what’s that

right there

let’s get this out in the

front let’s pull this out in the

front and get a spotlight on it

you know it’s like

anything that’s fucking with your head it’s the key to

i don’t want to say enlightenment but the key to peace

the key to peace

with the human mind

is dealing with all your issues

anything that’s

bothering you anything that’s you’re not doing

right anything

the tank exposes all that shit very

psychedelic in that respect

whereas it’s very

introspective like

deep and sort of

somewhat kind of abrasive and disturbing you know it

forces you to

look at yourself well it always is i mean that’s the

thing it always

anything you’re trying to ignore is always

it’s always disturbing it’s like puking

right but a


experience drags that

stuff out always and that’s why people are always like

no i would never

i don’t like

smoking pot because it makes me nervous it makes me

anxious and it’s like well yeah

yeah really it’s not making you anxious it’s like

the fact that you’re

deeply in debt or your

whatever the millions of

things you’re trying to pretend

aren’t happening in your what you’re an alcoholic

whatever all the

things are trying to deny that

right under the surface

when you get

stone that comes

it comes up

and you have to deal with it

you can’t have any

secrets you can’t hide your

secrets from weed

weeds too smart

and the end

ladies and gentlemen

i think that’s the end of the podcast it is now

648 so that’s probably two and a half

hours right

awesome long ass fucking time

thank you very much to the flashlight

our sponsor

as always we hung out with

those guys in austin you

gotta check out duncan’s

podcast by the way it’s fucking hilarious oh yeah

what is your podcast plug your podcast

the lavender hour

and is it on itunes

yeah it’s on itunes the lavender hour yeah

check out with you

and natasha

me and natasha

was here and

you know you can see duncan

duncan do you

have a calendar up on your website or on your twitter

there’s no calendar up but i go up at the comedy

store pretty regularly

for people listen

to that factor

a lot of people don’t know by the way the itunes

folks this is all

these episodes

that you listen to on itunes are also available on you

stream if you wanted to

watch you can

watch them i don’t know if you’re just

bored you want to

watch something

a lot of you i know listen to this

stuff in your car on the

train on the way

to work or something like that but if you ever want to

watch it they’re all available on u stream

and if you were

watching on u

stream you could see duncan’s twitter address

which is duncan

d u n c a n

trussell t r u s s e l l

and you can find them

on twitter and you’re always doing gigs around town

right around la

most of the

time you go on the road with natasha sometimes

how did you go to

you went to denver

right no we’re

going to denver we’re

going to dania

i don’t remember the date

it’ll be on my i’ll put a dates

thing on my website i

should have that i’m

stupid to not do that

yeah get on the date son the fuck

am i doing utilize that internet but anyway dude always

always cool talk google

search by the way

google search


kidnapped one of the funniest

videos he’s ever done i think

okay duncantrustled

kidnapped and the

other one was

drunk in history

drunken history number

just look up

drunk history

tesla and i’ll pop

out drunk history

tesla anyway

thank you duncan

always cool

to see you my friend i’m glad to

have you on for the longest time

thank you everybody and

we will be the next one will be this

thursday we’re doing doug

stanhope stanhope’s

gonna be here on thursday

that’ll be fun and we’re

gonna go to stanhope

show wednesday night

if you’re in town

he is at the irvine improv

and as of yesterday at

least a few tickets were

still available

so snatch those bitches up because

stanhope is

he’s a fucking he’s the real deal

he’s the real shit you know

there’s you

know there’s a few guys that

i go out of my way to see when they come in town louis

ck is one of them

and stan hope is another one you know i

think he’s one of the very best out there don’t

you think oh yeah he’s awesome and he’s a

great fucking guy and we did a shitty tv show together

anyway thank you everybody

and we’ll see you on

thursday love you bitches bye

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