The Joe Rogan Experience #61 - Cliff Bleszinski

like music and

then you know edited but no we don’t even

feel alive and

dirty it is

dirty dude it’s

dirty as fuck

bam this music

maybe what is this called a

slight pause what’s the what’s the

music called portal

from the portal

soundtrack still

alive we tried to

play this the

other day but

i don’t think i’m high enough

you know you want another hit of this

don’t be scared homie

play this i’m going deeper how do you like that i’m

going forward this is four

i might be too high to talk

stop dancing

cliffy beat often to help out

often to help out if i can’t talk that’s a real pal

problem driving over we started getting a good subjects

like save it no way save

it save it save it that’s the problem when

you get cool people to come out before the podcast

then when you try and recycle the

exact same conversation sometimes it

doesn’t have the

exact fake as fuck so

earlier you were talking about

hide your kids hide your wife

yeah oh yeah

um that guy what happened to him crazy

ladies and gentlemen

joining us in the podcast is the one and only

the real cliffy b

yay cliff bleszinski is that on my

senate right yep

fresh off the plane

fresh off the plane

if you don’t know cliffy b

behind us is gears of war is playing on the big

screen in casa de brian

and that is

one of the masterpieces from cliffy b

and cliffy is

a game designer for epic games and

it’s been my

friend for a long time we’ve been friends for

how long now it’s like ten years now ten years bitches

yeah joe has a

habit of basically

going around to a

flashlight don’t touch it

is this the one you find is it a beer can

that’s the most used and horribly slutty

flashlight you’ve ever ever had

this is the

flashlight this is a

sponsor of our

podcast before we go any further that’s the

flashlight in a can if

you go to yeah and

apparently this one is

not the most effective one if you’re just looking for

something to have sex with

you might as well go with the

standard version the can one is more of a

novelty item

it is a you can’t get it done if you need to

look at it’s dripping with

water you’re disgusting

human being

you are wretched

brian went through a dry

spell he broke up as gross like

you know it’s got excuses oh dude come on man stop it

you fucking

freaking me up

if you go to joe rogan done

if you go to joe rogan

that net don’t

blame it on me man that’s not cool

so not cool

you wipe on your pillow

your dogs gonna oh man we got problems

anyway if you go to joe rogan dot net you

enter in uh

click the link for the

flashlight you get 15

off you enter in the code word

rogan sort rogan

yeah i ask you

every week and i always forget anyway

with that out of the way

cliff bleszinski

lead game designer

for gears of war and so many

other fucking cool games

i’m actually a design director now design director

is that a different

thing yeah i mean it’s

basically like

if you can prove yourself

working on multiple projects then you get to try and

sprinkle a little bit of the

magic fairy dust and all the

of the projects we got bullets

coming on i

don’t know if you saw that one you have what is it

it’s called bolt

storm no what is

that it’s kind of like

you remember

firefly and serenity

those tv shows joss whedon did

it’s kinda like that beats

i sorta like remember seeing the ads i don’t

think i ever you’re like a drunken

space pirate

who winds up

crash landing on a planet and you wind

up using like a combination of

crazy guns in your boot to kind of

fight your way off the planet

oh yeah it’s actually really fucking cool it’s

coming out in february

wow that sounds

pretty fun developed by a bunch of

crazy polish guys

and been working on that a

bunch gotta get

gotta we got our iphone game

dropping this

thursday oh

what is it yeah it’s called infinity

blade it’s like

punch out with

swords wow an iphone

and will you be able to play

against people

not yet first release is just

one player but i mean the beauty of

apple right now is you have

these updates right

right remember in the pc days it used to be patches

yeah and you’re like

shit i gotta get a

patch this sucks

this is broken

now it’s updates

and you’re like

wow i’m getting it updated to gift it’s a

thing that people don’t

appreciate if you came up in the old windows days

it’s seamless

it always works

man i started out with windows 95

i’m sure you probably

started way before that we’re showing her

age dude yeah

windows 95 was the

first pc that i ever had

and i remember one time i somehow another

i did something

somehow or another i installed my operating

system onto

one of those big

drives who are

those big stupid

drives remember

those things

no it was like

another step

above that zip

drive oh yeah

the slow ones

it was a big

one like it was probably like one megabyte or something

stupid it really

wasn’t that big

stone tablet yeah it was

giant this big fucking brick shiz

somehow or another

that became my

startup drive

i installed windows so

that it took

like four days for your computer to boot up

it wouldn’t boot up it was just

chaos and so i had to

bring it into a guy who was a

pc expert who figured out what the fuck i

live retardation i that guy later was

found the geek

squad he’s a billionaire now

yeah meanwhile

the technologies built

okay it’s like money

right like anytime you have something like six months

later there’s a new version that comes up like damn i

gotta upgrade this you know what

they say that but i don’t see it that way i

i think it’s

exciting i don’t

think of like people are good sucks because you

know you know fucking the new shits coming out and they

build it that way

no they’re just trying to

catch up with the ideas

i think technology is moving at such

a fucking insane rate i got guys at work they have kids

right now and my

buddy lee he’s

one of our designers

he pulled his

daughter aside and he’s like look

things have gotten pretty cool in my lifetime you have

absolutely no idea the

things you’re in for

like where the world is

going like the

world in 10 15 years is

gonna be completely unrecognizable yeah i

agree it’s like from

where we were as kids like you can’t even imagine

right like with nanotechnology and

everything it’s unbelievable

and you and i

i’m sorry you and

i’ve had this conversation a couple of times one of the

things you turn me on to is fucking

3d printers

the idea that you’re

going to be

able to have certain elements inside of a machine

and you’re gonna be able to

print objects we talked

about on the podcast before that

you’re not gonna have to go to

stores to buy

things no more than you

have to go to

stores to get a

picture you can download a

picture i already hate

going to the

store now dude like you know you go to big box retail

it takes like 45 minutes to find what you want like

okay so now i use

amazon but if i can actually have a fabricator in my

house that can

print out a pen

like fine right because

you have the like

the wooden type ones

right now that kind of

printed out of kind of like a

like shaved material

right you can

just send them a 3d

studio object and then they have

metal ones where you can just

build your metal

object just

layer by layer

and then eventually it’s

gonna be everything glad

we got a way to manipulate

whatever atoms and molecules to

build whatever you want out of it it’s


and that’s coming online man

and smart dust we were talking

about right yeah

that was another

thing that you sent me hip to

well explain the whole

thing for people who don’t know what

smart dust is at a very high

level because

again i’m a bit of a luddite despite

what i do for a living

it’s this kind of dust that they’re able to sprinkle

out in the battlefield each one has a little bit of a

transmitter on it and

they can detect if anybody walks on it like any sort of

footstep patterns on it because it


creates a little network that then sends back to base

and then what happens is it can also kind of

catch in people’s

shoes and little bits of

their clothing you know

just like little dna bits you

would find with

pieces of hair in a

crime scene

and they can

track whoever actually has that on them

right i mean

you combine where

technology is

going with the connectivity we have in the world

and it’s really

scary right we talk

about the end of privacy as we know it right

how big are

these things

they’re tiny

the size of a

small grain of sand


and i don’t know how many are actually out there yet

right about how much sand you get in your

shoes when you go to the beach

yeah i got a lot

you imagine

could you imagine

if all that’s saying

we already have

transmitters by

that right by the time we know about it

i’ve always said

about by the time we hear

about it that’s been in use for years

when they talk

about clones i’m like by the time they tell you they’ve

cloned a person the guy telling you is probably a

clone yeah i wonder how

they’re actively

in use by the government that if if

your average person knew

about it would result in total

anarchy it’s in

axe body spray

i’ve gotten

it really is

the whole axe line

body sprays only for douchebags that’s why they want to

track douchebag activity

right that’s the first

thing when they step outside

of chimps when they do like medical studies on chimps

test out mascara on them and shit i

notice you’re an old

spice guy there in the bathroom there by the way yeah

i’m an old spice guy or whatever is cheapest

yeah whatever gets a job

done and it has to be

white i need

white deodorant i don’t need

the blue kind

that’s like

you go work

do you do the antiperspirant

yeah i do i don’t

think that’s a good

thing for your body

i think i don’t i don’t

worry antiperspirant

i don’t i know i

stink sometimes but i don’t mind

you know what’s

important to me what’s important to me i don’t clog my

pores up when they’re trying to leak out sweat

if what is that

about you just

gumming up your pores so

you’re not like

sweating them you’re

using some sort of fucking

nasty chemical that jacks your whole

system yeah

how many people

get armpit cancer if i got armpit cancer i’d be like

thank god i’m the

first at something i’m not scared of my sweat

doesn’t bother me i’m

sweaty all the time yeah but you

stink though i do

right yes that’s the whole

thing that’s the

problem once you

start working

smelling an a

bodies i’m so hairy because my

chest is hairy too so it all funks in there

and it gets

you know it’s good to get some sort of a bacteria

like dad had a

with your shirt off

not that bad

i shave it a lot of times too

because otherwise

starts itching and it gets caught in jujutsu

people pull your

chest hair so you

don’t wear deodorant but you do shave your chest

i’m sexy as fuck you’re just dude

when i when i shave my

chest man i look at myself in the man like damn

ready for the french riviera joe

i don’t shave my legs though

i’ve no excuse to shave my legs

i know some dudes who do because it gets you out of


gets you out of

submissions easier jujutsu guys want

yeah you’re

still hardcore

into that yeah

yeah it’s fun yeah what do you

think this was a kraft maga the

the israeli

fighting technique well i

think if you wanted to just

learn it for

self defense

it’s a good

system because what they do is they incorporate

a lot of the best techniques in ground fighting

and they incorporate a lot of the best techniques to

stand up and for someone just looking to defend

themselves it gives you a pretty comprehensive view of

mixed of martial arts in

general you look it up on youtube man

it’s like half the

videos are like how to get out of a gun situation

and half of them are like

legit guys who are fast the other half

would wind up dead

yeah that’s true but you know what at

least you have a chance you know it’s like

if you have an idea of what to do

and someone is trying to

get you with a gun most likely they’re

gonna fucking

shoot you right

but at least you

have some sort of an idea if an opportunity presents

it yeah take control of it or not

right yeah i mean like that’s what the

whole idea of martial arts is

about it’s not that you’re

gonna be able to beat people up you’re

gonna be able to

fight it’s like at

least you’re gonna

know what’s happening

yeah it’s like the scariest thing

about any sort of an altercation is

when you don’t know how to defend

yourself you don’t know what to do and i’ve seen guys

i saw this guy get

knocked the fuck out once and it was

crazy talking

about like it was

a bar yeah yeah it was a bar and they got into a fight

and as they got into a fight

one guy was just

he just went into a full panic

and was just

swinging his hands

he wasn’t even making like a girl

yes yes full panic

swinging his hands

and a car got in

front of me

and as the car got in

front because

people were trying to get out of this parking lot

while this fight was going on

and as the car got in

front of me as the car passed

he was out cold on the ground

flattened out

i don’t know

it was first

but there was a look in his eyes of complete

total panic

he had no idea what to do

he was locked into this situation so

it was on sunset

you understand i mean you doing what you do with

mma and everything and being involved in the

scene like and

i went to my

first mma fight

the one in charlotte right

sitting there

watching ufc and i’m like

i’ve seen it

on at bars and i’m like okay this is cool and seeing

it in person getting a huge amount of respect for the

fighters and how

tremendous athletes

these guys are right but

whenever i you know

living in raleigh and seeing bar

fights which

break out in a regular basis

they’re not as bad as boston by the way we need to talk

about boston

dude that’s the land of savages

12 30 hits of the

witching hour

there’s too

many ugly angry

women and dudes are

pissed the sea hags man

we’ll get there but

whenever i see

a fight in real life dude

unless the two guys who are

scrappers man you see

the one guy who picks a fight with

this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing

i think it’s

really ugly shit man yeah you see act somebody actually

legitimately get hit and beaten up like that before the

staff and get to him that’s

pretty fucked up when someone knows how to

fight and the

other person

doesn’t i try to make friends with the biggest

motherfuckers in town that’s good so

hide behind people man

notice notice when the shit shits

about to hit the fan and know

where the door is

that’s all important you can

smell it man

yeah and the thing

about someone who does

train in martial

arts most of the time you don’t want to fight

because it’s not the same

thing anymore

it’s like a good

bouncer you know to defuse the situation

right you’re not looking to

crack skulls well it’s not just that

it’s not attractive

you know for

some guys the idea of beating someone’s ass is like

attractive but

when you do martial arts all the time it’s not

attractive at all

it doesn’t seem like a

thing to do it seems like

what you wanna do is

avoid all that this is

stupid this

could get you can get hurt

like you don’t have any need to

prove yourself physically

where a lot of people do

and unfortunately sometimes they just try to bluff

you know and they get called out on it

and they don’t know what to do they’re already at step

nine they don’t know how they got there because they’re

drunk right

and then you

know and then they say why

would i fucking hit this guy

and they go to take a

swing and the horror upon horrors

is when you

throw a punch

at a guy and he moves like he actually knows how to

fight and he’s sober

then you’re fucked

cause then you’re

drunk and you did a douchebag

thing and some guy’s

gonna light you up

but next thing you know you’re on the side

of the street

blade and they’re

bleeding from my

experience i mean there’s always

gonna be assholes that do

martial arts like there’s assholes that do everything

but it’s a much much

smaller number

so the odds of someone who wants to

fight actually being a martial artist

most of the

time they’re not it’s a big misconception like

these guys that are

fighting george cpr

he’s like one of the nicest

fucking guys you’re ever gonna meet

and even josh

costcheck the guy who’s

fighting him this weekend

fucking great guy if you’re not

fighting i mean he likes to talk

a lot of shit and likes to like get inside guys heads

but a lot of that’s pre

fight hype like outside of that is a very nice

a lot of those guys beat the shit out of each

other and then

they just the end they’re just kind of like

yeah cause it’s a mutually kind of assumed destruction

right they’re like okay i’m

going into this it’s my profession

right it’s that and some guys get real

caught up in the shit talking and some guys

some guys they

drop it as soon as the

fight’s over and you know you see them they’ll

go out and have beers and shit it’s like you know look

there’s a certain

amount of stress involved this person’s your

target there’s

gonna be some animosity

you know but for the most

part they’d like resolve it way better than boxers do

yeah you know boxers seem to be for the

i don’t know what it is

but there’s

like more douchebags in the boxing community i’m

not i’m not exactly sure about

mma when it was like five

eight years ago and it was

consider that niche

thing and that’s always the way with any sort

of new sport

right look at

snowboarding and yeah

that was all

the skiers look down i’m like that’s a joke that’s

never gonna be big now snowboarding is

freaking huge

right it happens with so many different sports

right well when i was

first involved in mma

it was almost

like telling people that i was involved in porn

really like yeah because i was working on news

radio right

and and by the

way i’m not the only one who said this dana

white said the

exact same thing

he said the

exact he had the

exact same feeling you feel like you’re doing something

sleazy i say

video games dude

no no way dude

when i was okay this is

my story i was on news

radio and i

started doing the backstage

anniversary the ufc

and this was 1997

so this is like we were in augusta georgia

and doth in alabama and

places like that and i

would tell them that i was off to go do commentary

for cage fighting they

would look at me like what the fuck is

wrong with you like this

is terrible for your career

you want people to know that you’re

commentating on cage

fighting you know

it was almost

like i was doing girls gone wild or something

the video game analogy though

i mean it’s not a one to one

but at the same time it was one of the situations like

10 15 years ago

it was like

you want to do that it’s like oh that’s cute

my little son plays that in the basement right

and now it’s one of

those things you look at

everything from the 360 to the wii

to natal and oh i

see what you’re saying

right but it

doesn’t have a negative connotation does it not it ever

used to now it’s the coolest fucking job

it was used to it

was more of a frivolous connotation not a negative yeah

no it wasn’t negative it was more of a

dismissive okay you run

along little

billy with your little

video games

thing because he used to play pong

right right

but now there’s games like call of duty that make more

money way more than avatar and that like

that needs to sink into people’s head they go it’s a

difference of a 60

day one versus you

know 10 bucks

right i mean

it takes you know not as many people to do it

right i mean

getting so good at

building up the hype for

these midnight launches

for all this right

i mean the big

issue right now is how much of that

money you think the actual developers are seeing

i don’t know

not necessarily a lot there’s a lot of controversy

about call of duty i don’t know if you

heard the whole

thing no please tell me

so basically the call of duty guys originally were

these guys from infinity ward

and jason and

vince real good guys and they

had originally

built this brand

after working on

medal of honor because they

built up medal of honor

and then that didn’t work

out for a number of reasons you can look all this up

they built the call of duty

brand up and then

basically modern

warfare hit

made a ton of money they

basically didn’t see much of it and then they were like

screw you we’re

gonna go do our old

thing it’s a very controversial

thing with a lot of lawsuits and

everything like that

i just i stand on the site

generally of

the developers because i believe in developers

rights i believe paying people what they’re

worth and when you create a

multi million dollar to potentially billion dollar

brand you deserve to be paid for it

right so the

issue is that

the people that finance it are getting the

majority of the

money the people

that are the

large studio

activision basically from what i can tell

again this is

second hand knowledge you

know the guys

basically did not feel that they were paid what

they were worth for because when they have contracts

once your studio

is purchased and you’re part of a larger conglomerate

your game can make a billion dollars and they

could just give your studio

half a million to be like fine we own you like whatever

really yeah

and i don’t know what the numbers are but

you’re increasingly seeing in the

video game industry

people getting a lot of representation

people getting

agents people

getting proper accountants and lawyers

and they’re actually negotiating this sort of thing so

people like warren spector who created deus

ex people like ken

levine who created bioshock

they’ve got

deals now they’re making amazing games and they’re

gonna make sure that they and their

staff are taking good care of

right i remember back in the day

when john romero

as how it was

broke off from id software and that was like the

first drama

in the game community

and this guy john romero who’s the game designer

splits from this guy

john carmack

who is this fucking

super genius from another planet

lizard guy yeah

he’s one of

this is very

few dudes when i’m around them i get intimidated yeah

like when i’m talking to john

carmack i’m like why am i even talking yeah well he’s

about talking

what i have to say to this guy did you ever

fucking alien yeah

this whole like

one in a billion type of personality

super genius alien code

right like it’s amazing

on another level than all of us and carmack

would sit in

front of the

computer for people who don’t know who he is

16 hours a day code

and then he

would go make rockets yeah

he’s a rocket

scientist in his spare time

and he was involved in the x

prize he was like trying to win the x

prize yeah that’s his

hobby and when he wasn’t doing that he was

turbo charging ferraris

building turbochargers

for ferraris that’s a big no no by the way

they’re like

it’s like buying a mona lisa and then just

painting over it right

i guess but he just

doesn’t have no reverence for any

objects he’s like fuck you he’s like i’m

gonna upgrade this but he’s an

alien well the

rumor was that like

after he started doing that

that ferrari kind of was like dude what are you come on

like you’re

undermining all of our engineers here

we’ll give you

new ferrari stop fucking with our shit

he was making like

these 12 000

horsepower ferraris you know

fucking nuclear

energy die yeah oh

for sure well he

apparently was

a nutty thrill seeker

he used to really like to go really fast which

is yeah what happened was he not

expect he left id software the guys to do

right so this john romero guy to get back to the

story this john

romero guy was like the playboy character it was like

a rock star

and you know and then they left and what was that

crazy game that they came out with

afterwards when

they did an acronyx and dai katana

guy katana that was the one

so he leaves

and you know it’s like sort of a cult of personality

thing oh yeah you know and it was the big debate was

you know who was

the most important is it the game

designers the guy with the vision or is it the coder

and how easy

it is it to actually design the games

the game designers often the

chaos and the programmer or producers usually the order

yeah right it’s a combination of

those two personnel it’s like saying

what’s the best part of the band is it the singers and

the drummers

and if you get the singer who

could be on

stage would be charismatic you know you get

david lee roth but you don’t have any van

halen backing him up

right right

right you don’t have the magic

right it’s a

perfect example it

wasn’t balance

right yeah he wasn’t van

halen on his own

yeah on his own he was just

david lee robert

well he’s gone on here

he’s doing some cool

stuff now man he’s

great he’s a

great guy i’ve met him i met him at the

comic store it was one of the

fucking coolest celebrity meetings i’ve ever had ever

but my point was that you know

as a group you know

those guys created

some pretty fucking dope games doom

you know doom they created as a group

and the idea was that it was all disguise

so this guy

leaves and he gets this

giant fucking deal is john romero

did you visit the

dallas office no but i

heard it was insane i

heard it was like

the top floor with

unbelievable views just stupid

crazy overhead

right this is legendary gaming history you’re talking

about yeah yeah

yeah well this is how much of a dork i am

about this shit

and he gets

crazy crazy

money and then to just lazy as fuck

and it is barely working man

what would happen

this game like

takes forever to

come out it comes out all wonky and shit and you walk

through walls

that’s an abbreviated version man but i mean the

thing is he assembled the team so fucking fast

and try to be so ambitious so

quick and that was with eidos’s money

this is basically

the lara croft tomb raider paying for this

right and so once you

build a team that

quickly like you can’t just overnight assemble a

bunch of people like in hollywood and have magic yeah

right and so half

not half but a good percentage

of the guys i work with my fucking art director

who’s this amazingly talented awesome guy

bled out of the eyeballs to ship daikatana

and he went to work for romero

cause he thought

romero was a cool guy

he still tells me

stories about having

panic attacks working in

dallas and how he almost killed himself

jesus christ

and so like i always look at that people

don’t realize how much you guys work dude it’s like

you look around a room right

every little bit somebody has to

work and build

every last little bit of it but

we visited you and you were talking

about when crunch time comes and it’s like

right at the end and everybody’s like basically

sleeping at the office

that’s all you

do is you work we all day it’s gotten better than that

we’ve figured out how to

make games better now like you get a producer who knows

his shit and it’s kind of like okay we’re not just

gonna all work really hard hope it turns out

great we’re

gonna actually have a plan

right so if you say when it’s done that

doesn’t mean you really know what game you’re building

right same time you need

to have a little bit of wiggle room because it’s not a

definable process

you’re penning for gold you’re trying it’s comedy

like comedy you iterate

right it’s so comprehensive though i mean people don’t

understand what goes into making a game

that just the amount of

effort i remember we were exhausted leaving

thinking about the

hours that you

guys work yeah but i remember what you’re talking

about remember

but dude you can’t burn through people that much

right you can

maybe get with a few crunches like that so we’re the

point where we’ll do maybe

ten hours a day

twelve tops five days a week tops and then we

we call it we’re like dude if we just can’t

it’s not worth that

smart you know because

people in the industry

over forty dude yeah

they just get

fried right yeah

yeah that’s interesting

i’ll tell you

about that daikatana

thing though even though it was like

a long time it was a fun game to play man deathmatch

deathmatch was

fun on it they had some cool the cool rocket

there was a crazy

weird rocket launcher

they had a shotgun

that had like 18 barrels or something like that yeah

they had some cool shit

romero was supposedly like he was into

first person

shooters and

deathmatch came

it was him and carmack and that

whole crew that just

the genre it’s one of the

lessons i tell the guys if you have a new camera angle

you can create a whole new

genre the first

quake was a fucking masterpiece for like

deathmatch brian

says you still hung up on it

well i’m still hung up on all games

but not really

quick to quick to

never really got me

quake one dude the only

thing that got me about

quake ii was the railgun that was very key because

that’s when accuracy became very important

so was your problem

with quake ii

they actually balanced the weapons

no no i just didn’t like the way it

it felt it just didn’t feel

as good it wasn’t as fast paced it was a little slower

whereas quake one you can move much quicker

it was much more like chaotic he

plays the numbers

slowed it down

it has to be

point seven

seconds and less you

know it’s just my what it is is that i just really love

deathmatch that’s what i really love that’s what

i really love that’s all i playing call of duty yeah

team deathmatch

like anytime it comes up with any sort of

domination or ctf

mike i just want to

shoot people how do you feel

about those

things that hook up to a console and give you

a mouse and a keyboard are those good

i mean they’re

cool and all but do

you i mean the

thing about halo is

he’ll no they

built the game of halo for that dual

stick controller

and if you’re a pc guy

is used to that

level of accuracy it feels like you’re like

drunkenly using like a rubber hose to a

car but if you

build a game for it

it can work and that’s what halo

did goldeneye

did it before that but you look at halo they

basically introduced

genre that was new to a whole

generation of kids i have this

whole 10 year role

where like the kids who played halo

most of them many of them didn’t play a lot of quake

because they were like wait what is this new xbox

thing i’m gonna play this and then

they become hooked

it’s like we talk

about vampires

on the way over it’s like

okay well all

these kids who love twilight don’t know what buffy the

vampire slayer is

right so sad so but if you wait 10 years

right your kid who liked buffy the

vampire slayer

or your person who likes twilight

they were what like you know

six when buffy came out now they’re 16

and so they didn’t know

about that so you can

basically wait

every 10 years

and find something that was old and make it new

and then if you can introduce it with new

technology you

might be good to go yeah

for people that don’t know what we’re talking about

those hand controllers the consoles

when you have a console you have like an xbox or


what they are

most people are

listening on

itunes this ain’t helping okay he’s holding one up

but they have a

bunch of buttons on it and

with pcs when you play with a computer

when you play online especially

what you’re

using is a keyboard and a

mouse and what it is is

for whatever reason the keyboard and the

mouse you can

just control it better you’re far more accurate

you’re accurate with the keyboard as

far as your movement having four very specific buttons

right where your fingers are

and you’re much more accurate with your hand

as far as like aiming

and that’s where it came into play with

games like quake

it was like aim

especially when the railgun

came about aim became very very important

so how do they optimize

these games for

these controllers do they have

auto aim or something

where you get

close you’re in the neighborhood of it a little bit of

auto aim man

one of the things that halo did was they

kind of introduced this idea of friction and adhesion

what you do is if you

when you move

your console kind of

stick over the enemy

the game actually slows down a little bit like

it’s like oh you want to hit him don’t you and then

it provides a little bit of that kind of assistance

right that would

drive me crazy

whole generation loves it right now

those fucks

those lazy cunts

mark that’s what it is they don’t even want to aim

these fucking kids today

self righteous

entitled children

back when we were

kids we we had a

fucking aim it was a

pixel hunt dude

that’s what it was

right yeah your

crosshair was this one

pixel and you had to

shoot that guy’s itty bitty head across the map yeah

except for in

quake one where you had to just hit him

with a rocket launcher that had a radius of half a mile

well that was the cool

thing about

quake ii is a lot of people

would put their own

crosshairs in they

would build

their own crosshairs

quick three they came out of the box like a

bunch of cool ones yeah

like figure out what was the best for you

like i would have different ones

for the railgun different ones for the rocket launcher

it’s all it’s all customization

but it’s insanity is what it is like

it’s a constant subject on this fucking site dude trust

you have a whole

generation of whatever millions and

millions of kids that are perfectly fine with the two

sticks and yeah they’re

gonna grow up pussies

we are we are

entering what i like to say we’re

entering into the feedbackless

generation right

those kids growing up with

those consoles

this is the

last the fall of rome this is when they were getting

drunk and thrown up and trying to

get more food in

dude that’s what it is gluttony

look can’t even touch the

game joe look at

touchscreens look at

touchscreens look at connect

we’re getting to a

point where people don’t need buttons right now

um yeah i hear you

right there’s me is that what’s

gonna happen is it

gonna be like aiming with your fingers and shit like

pointing where you want to go

dude the key is

microsoft thing is

right isn’t it

oh that’s yeah that’s a what is that called connect man

connect yeah you don’t need a controller

and you stand in

front of it and move around i guess

have you heard much

about this this is now

not that much

i know this is

going to trip you out

so it’s a camera

that can track your body movements

without anything on you you’ve seen the motion capture

setups right you know the

tiger wood setup

where it wears a spandex and all that

this is a very

light version of that

where you just

stand in front of the tv

and it can procedurally form your

skeleton and then track that

so there’s a dance game

dance central

which is a ton of fun i was playing with my

niece over the holidays

you literally just

dance right in

front of it it

tracks your movement it can

judge your score

here’s where it gets

weird there’s a vo

like a microphone on it

so it can do

voice recognition

and it’s got facial recognition on it

so once you do the facial recognition

thing which

makes you stay out of the room to kind of

build an aggregate of your face

you then can just walk in the room and it goes why

hello cliff

oh jesus fucking christ

i smoke too much weed for that dude i don’t want

my computer talking

to me you know what i want to see i want to see imax

movies screens

where you walk in and

you’re all sitting there

in the video game so

there’s like 500 people

all joining in playing this huge

video game in

front of you i told

you about heffron

right i told you

about heffron doing

stand up yeah

what’s that

my friend john heffron has been doing

these conference

stand up things

where they’re in

front of it some new technology

where they get him in a room

and he’s got all

these screens in

front of them

and they see him and he sees them live and he does

stand up really he’s like he’s doing a desk in

front of like all

these monitors

so he gets to see the reaction like there yeah

yeah yes two way

video so he’s

watching their reaction they’re

watching him live

it’s like he’s performing on

stage but he’s nowhere near them

which is the shit i

would love that

if i could do shows from my

house and not have to

travel all the time that

would be so i mean you can

judge people’s reactions

right they’re

right there yeah talking

about iteration

right and how much

we pan for gold and we try and find fun and we fail a

bunch before we figure out what it is talk about

jerry seinfeld’s comedian

how much comedy

they go to the little dive bars and they

do a surprise appearance and they just bomb

and then they figure out okay this

joke worked that one didn’t work this one did right

we find it’s the same

thing with game development

i’ve known people in the restaurant business

that try new menus they figure out what works and

doesn’t it’s all iteration

very few people ever actually nail it

right the first time

right right

early and fell

often which i

found is the key to so many instances of

success in life right

well you failed and you find out what you don’t like

about what failed

yep you know and that’s how you

learn absolutely

you have to

learn what you do and don’t like and when you’re doing

something complicated there’s a lot of failure involved

for sure the

keyboard to

mouse man it’s

still relevant but

a lot it’s the market

split man between

iphone between ds between

consoles i think

see no controller is very important i think

like making it so it

could be you

could do just sit there and do that

what i don’t like though is when

a lot of times i just want to sit back and play a

video game in bed or on you don’t have

to get up and run

around come on

i’m just trying to run through the forest i don’t

you don’t want to like

sweat you know you just want

you want to

lay back and just sit there the controller just play

yeah right you don’t have to jump around like an

idiot right

i could say

here go like this though like tron

style just move my hands like do do i’m

going through

they’re working on

any type stuff like

minority report

where you’re

gonna be able to just kind

of like that so you don’t have to like

there’s a certain

percentage of person a lot of them out there

especially girls

if you hand them a current console controller

they act like you handed them a flaming bag of dog shit

really like

really i’m supposed to use this for what like i don’t

wanna play this and

granted there are some

exceptions but most people

parents who you hanging out with cliffy b

that’s your old girl

voice that sounds

annoying that’s your old

girl that’s your girl

i learned that by

watching youtube

that’s your becky

voice oh my god yeah exactly

you’re such an asshole you just play games

we have this

whole theory that there’s a certain

type of girl that somehow gets that

voice pre loaded into her with that bubble writing i

think they just imitate everybody else it’s like

why would anybody have

that fucking horrible boston accent yeah why because a

bunch of other people have and they just imitate it

still it’s i

still miss it though dude

do you really how dare you

i dude i had a

great time growing

up i miss it with as far as dudes yeah

you don’t like the girls no

jesus christ

some of the most

horrendous experiences of my life came out of

a female boston accent yeah

let’s go to the packet

get some beer

just gets too cold

yeah we we added this experience we’re a

buddy of mars

a buddy of ours was in boston

he hooked up with some chicken

while they’re fooling around she goes

you gotta tell your friends

we had a monster

sound and she was just hideous and he’s just fucking

swinging it in i got a

buddy of mine he dated a girl from

long island and they woke up the next morning and he

asked her what she wanted for breakfast and she went

count chocula

dude so i took lauren

back to see my hometown

right like i had

what did you

go north andover

north andover

yeah i mean it’s you know totally like nice suburbs

right like really

like we went up in the falls all the foliage like the

local farm standard

robbed as a kid is like this now like national what

month was this

i was october late october

october’s good

right before it gets

horrible horrible horrible and i’m sitting there and

there’s something about

certain sections of the

northeast that just kind of

take something out of you

i don’t know if it’s the diet

or the weather

but there’s a certain

tiredness that kind of

creeps in man i don’t know what it is so weather

lack of vitamin d that too

lack of vitamin d but there’s something

about the weather too much

comfort italian food that cold yeah

it’s not supposed to be that cold for that long

where it just sucks

well you just assume

that every year for four

months it’s

gonna suck to be outside

for four months you grew up with it

right like i grew up

and i do a paper

route as a kid right

me too and they deliver it

and they deliver it in like

they deliver the

papers in november the snow

would hit and i’d get up at 10 a

m to do my paper

route and they

all be plowed over and

my papers aren’t there i’m like i

guess they didn’t deliver my calling for a refill

sometime around late

march early

april that would thaw

out and i would find the

papers from march

like a time capsule

and i’m sitting here

going is this how it is

cause my dad

loved him dearly but he was

super cheap

about the heat

and he’d like at

night he turned all off and like in

monday morning

getting up and going to

school oh it’s the worst

you like getting to that shower man

oh we used to have to use a hair dryer to

unclog the pipes

oh yeah the pipes

would freeze yep

so my dad had like this opening

underneath the

floor in the basement and he

would have to lift up this opening

and be sitting

there with a fucking hair dryer before anybody

could take a shower yeah

it was brutality it was retarded we grew

my dad decided one year he was

gonna buy a coal

stove that was

gonna like take care of all this right

so he gets it installed and

literally like

one folly is two

tons of coal

put in the basement

right and we

literally have to go down there with a hopper

bring it up there and you have to hold your breath

otherwise you get

black long basically

and we come up and

this thing heated

two square feet of the

whole house

so if you wanted

to stay warm you stayed in the living room and just

hovered right in

front of that thing

was the worst man

yeah we had four i got four

older brothers man growing up with that in one

house and it was a decent sized

house but what

what’s that i’m

sorry i had central air

you’re spoiled how old are you

what are you like

twenty four

fuck is wrong

with you thirty six

no shit huh

one of the houses i looked at in

colorado had one of

those wood heating

stoves in the middle of the living room

they were talking

about how economical it is to use this wood heating

stove to keep the house warm

i’m like what are you fucking talking

about hooker i got kids

and you got a

giant red hot ball of

metal in the center

of the living room that they’re just supposed to avoid

dude i used

to i was a kid i used to take prongs

with the hot coals and take them out aside

like from the living room like through the hallway

and go into the snow like

write my name with the

blazing hot

coal like how did i not like drop this in my foot

burn myself

right i don’t know but in

2010 they should

eliminate that

stupid shit and get a goddamn heater yeah

got a fucking

giant cast iron

fucking square up

in the middle

where i grew

up that was not common at all what you guys are talking

about like i didn’t know anybody that

well columbus

gets pretty cold though man yeah

well they like

i didn’t have central heat or air

they’re like dude what is this like

the technology i guess

old right now

eating and cooling in ohio is better than well

are you guys

well no columbus

doesn’t get

death cold though

right what is

what is winter what is like a terrible day

we got negative

ten okay that’s

real shit that’s cold so yeah i grew up with four

brothers right we had to

share a lot of shit

and so like we have to share

towels in the bathroom we only had a certain amount

we’d all have to go in line and take showers right

and i’m sitting

there one day and i get out of the shower

after my older brother

and i take the

towel and i’m kind of wipe my face and it’s a

light colored

towel oh no

and i realize the towel

smells like ass oh

jesus christ

i pull away

and i’m telling the

story to his

daughter recently she’s like a little

eight year old kid

about her dad

and i look at the

towel and i realize there’s

brown streaks in the

towel oh my god

and i’m explaining to

his daughter

that this is a double fail

cause not only did he not

remember to wash his ass

like he forgot

like wipe right

and i ask my

niece i’m like what’s the what’s the lesson out of the

story and she says buy dark towels oh

i’m like no you’re doing good

how old is she she’s eight

that’s brilliant

like you’re

doing wrong

no follow that kid keep an eye on

her she’s washed

brown and red

towels she’s a

fucking ideal

match for me

i would never thought

of that in a million years have you seen that that’s a

great line it’s a true

story dude it’s a

great line right

they have that

towel you can buy

online that’s like one half is

brown one half is

white and says face and ass

it’s like a

split towel i have it in my bathroom

it’s a good reminder

i would want a brown

towel that looked like a dexter splatter of

blood on it

you know that was the design of the towel

you sure you

could buy that you can actually buy dexter’s

shirt the kill

oh yeah yeah the little

thermal he wears yeah

do you did you did

you did you give up on dexter’s yes i gave

up mrs rogan’s really into it though so i’m

gonna have to try it

again did you see this like

john lithgow

i quit because of john lithgow

shitty rear

naked choke

john lithgow

get some woman

that was your

gave her the fucking weakest

bitch ass rear

naked choke i’ve ever seen in my life

i’m like no that’s not

gonna kill anybody that’s like

me stopping

watching a tv

show because they’re holding the controller

wrong with people

when you try to kill people man they fight

they fight back they clonch

you they kick they try hard

they don’t just lay in the tub and go

why you’re choking them

your little

fucking old

man arms that can’t even put any pressure on that

thing i know what he’s doing

amazing that

season dude and you know

wellers on the

season have you

seen him lately no

he looks like the most i didn’t even read that

again who’s

peter rob robocop

robocop yeah


war fucks carnival

like who started there’s a furthest

and you’re just like oh my god dude i don’t

he looks like this

sleazy amazing like

miami pd guy looks great

it’s still a good show in

spite of the bad

chokeholds okay well

i’ll give it a

second chance you

watch walking dead

no but i’ve

heard that’s pretty awesome

too it sits

the end was a little

but don’t say that then i got nothing to look forward

to frank darabont

fired the entire writing staff whoa

yeah he’s the guy who did

shawshank redemption

green mile right

wow fired the

whole staff

it’s hard to find fucking good writers that one

write your shit you know

yeah good writers want to

write their own shit yeah well let’s say well we

have had people

approach me they’re like hey we’re doing this

new ip and we want epic to make the game i’m like

dude we do our own

stuff man like we can either

create our own

thing like years or we

could do like the star trek the

movie video game

what is gonna happen

right right look

we’re not gonna run inspiring

nobody gives a fuck

about those

stupid movie

video games there’s the occasional

exception that’s a good one

but it’s hard to make like superman

for the nintendo sixty four

game every et

for atari to my face you know that’s very

desert right

they actually oh yeah

that’s one of the craziest story

urban legend you know that

story no it was the et the video game right and that

atari 2600 and they basically assumed it

would sell millions of copies and it sold like five

oh my god decided to like

bury out in the new mexico desert and they actually

still out there

they buried it buried it

why did bury it

because i don’t know i guess they could didn’t

find somebody

better than yeah

whatever disposal the economics

so there’s a huge landfill filled with that game and

it’s that many of them

i don’t actually know you can look it up and we what’s

the what’s the

urban legend though

well people

think it’s an

urban legend but

it’s actually true no but what is the the number in the

urban legends

millions millions

because they hired some programmer

and had to make the game over the course of a

month like oh it’s the

license we can

print it will make

money right

no you actually

have to make a good game like the new call of duty

was done by the

second team

which previously had made a very

solid one a couple years ago and it had made

a one a few years ago that wasn’t as good

but they have really stepped it up this new one at like

i didn’t play the campaign man you did you play it much

no i’ve never played it

it’s true you

should give it a go i know you have dual analog

fear can’t do it

you have to try

you have to at

least give in sometime what’s

gonna happen with all the

shooters are like most

of a fuck i

guess i’ll play pool

you have a table

imagine going like

this and playing pool you don’t even need a pool table

no no no you need a pool

table bro that’s the

whole game and

the whole game is what

you didn’t need you gotta

feel the ball contact the q it’s either

feel the ball

and how much

how much effort you put into your

stroke how relaxed your grip

is keep your shit together wait till you don’t stab

at it it’s got a

stroke that ball son you’ll change the mind you don’t

understand get on

you’ll see tron and you and i

like some different

things all right how do you know like

different things

i don’t know it’s disney so

cost him a hundred fifty

million dude

did you hear

movie hundred

fifty million you know the guy who

directed it is the guy who did the

first gears commercial the mad

world one well really yeah that was a good that

fucking commercial was awesome

dude i remember when that commercial was coming out

before gears came out i saw it on tv and i went whoa

like they just nailed it

that song is a perfect song too that song

was actually one of my like favorite songs when i was

going through

time throw that up on youtube right yeah

trying to pull it up i was

going through a really

tough time at that

point they actually didn’t even know

about that song dude

why don’t you just call me i

would have snapped you out of it that’s ridiculous

don’t listen to that kind of

music when you’re in that kind of mood

that movie that’s a good song

for a good mood to go wow that’s kind of a cool song

the last thing you want is one

depressing ass fucking song when you’re in a shit mood

remember it’s a remake of the tears for fears song

right is that what it is yeah it was a remake

of something i

thought it called a

father i thought

it kinda sad

and then they just did gary jules redid it

was like number

one in the uk over the course of the holidays

when it came out

and then it had another like

rebomp like that put that that commercial

put that song back the top of itunes for like a

month with that

game was the last game that i played with on a console

it’s called last day you play gears to dude no

i played gears one i fucking

loved the way it looked i

loved everything

about it but that fucking

thing was driving me crazy

trying to move around and look with this

stupid controller

and i’m like why is this have a

mouse and keyboard it

would be so much easier like if i had a

mouse keyboard

touch it kick

in some fucking ass up in this

bitch where we

it just it’s

oh just as gay already get this away from me

get this away from me you can’t even

don’t be a gaming dinosaur

i am i’m dude

so the second

one they did was called last day that was for gears 2

ooh i like the zoom

feature that was

pretty cool

he can you zoom in

right left trigger

right trigger

shoot come on this is so ass slow

can you adjust the

sensitivity in the

mouse yeah you can

yeah okay well it looks fucking


you’re missing out on a lot of gaming

i’m missing out a lot of

things man i’m not skydiving

i’m not climbing rocks

i skydived once that was all i needed to do

brian’s got a

great story

about skydiving

no i don’t is

that we tandem

i’ve said it a couple

of times but it’s an interesting story

i’ll tell it because he’s told it

twice his father

had a person at work that was always saying you

should go skydiving with me i go skydiving i love it

she used to go all the time

well she fucking died really she fell out of a

plane and her shit didn’t work and her

second shit caught up in her

first shit that didn’t work that’s and

she fucking went

screaming to the ground from 10 000 feet in the sky

and slammed into the

earth ending her time here yeah

fuck that noise

i’m not that afraid of

death i’m afraid of the

screaming before it yeah

knowing the

words going down

four not even four minutes how much time does it take

terminal velocity 10 000 feet i’m sure you

could just figure it out

380 miles an hour

three minutes

three minutes

of last terror

yeah look up gears of war mad

world on youtube

that’s what it was nobody

it seems like a lot of somebody’s

gonna have it on youtube

it’s like you can just assume

that if something’s out there it’s on youtube now but

dude if you ever

actually want to find try and find somebody’s official

music video good fucking luck

yeah cause what

people do is they upload a

video where it’s like hey here’s what i

think a nicki minaj’s new song

and it’s like

nicki minaj official

video you click on it and they use the

thumbnail to make it look like it’s a

video and then some guys

talking about you’re like

can i actually find this freaking

thing like usually and then the one that’s actually

has millions of hits

is like the last one to actually appear what’s up dog

this is it right here

this is the ad

damn i want to watch it man

tell these fuckers to go on youtube

it changed the game for a lot of

video game advertising fuck yeah dude dude

but also you guys

raised the bar so high as far as the

graphic appearance of game

when we were in your

we came into your office

i guess it was like two years before this came out

and you guys were deep deep in development you had all

these crazy

models and all these

it was mostly just demonstrations of the

technology but

you know i remember

asking you like what are you guys up to like what’s

going on like we’re

about to take a big fat shit on doom

did not confirm or

deny saying that and then i went and i

wow and i watched it and

especially the

light like a

lot of the shit you had was like demonstrations of

how the flash how

many years ago

was that it was wow

it says think

about where

technology is

gonna be in a few years man it’s

gonna be insane like if if

my sony and

microsoft getting around actually making next

generation consoles like imagine what that’s

gonna be like like what is the bottleneck oh

i want it personally i want i want some avatar quality

stuff real time

yeah like that’s

where imax imax

theater imagine that

then there’s no concert

where you’re all

together in a concert

would be no

need to have a real life

world of warcraft

every day everyone

would just plug into

their fucking computer and be some sort of an elf we

just wander through the forest

and we’d all turn into the

apartment on

south park with the wow episode it’s fucking dangerous

thing we’re doing here because we make games more

exciting and way fucking cooler than real life

it gets weird it’s like it’s

a meta brain that’s getting hooked up

right well the

scary thing is what happens when

we can download consciousness into a computer singular

option is to

i want a bliven fucking avatar man

you know well you know

about the whole

thing about the singularity

right sure we

break her as well and all that

right like it’s i

i have a feeling it’s within our lifetime

for those of you that don’t know

brian’s little butter dog is attacking me right now

that dog’s a slut do you know what a butter dog is no

a dog is a serious slut

everything about that joe

no what’s a butter dog i had a

buddy of mine he came in he’s a

photographer from new york one time we were doing a

photo shoot for magazine

and he’s telling me how much he hated

dating in new york city i’m like well why he’s like

well there’s a certain type of girl in the city who’s

given up on the dating scene

and she has what’s called a butter dog

and i’m like what like she’s a good girl but her dogs

annoying no it turns out

that this type of girl this

might be an

urban legend he

might have been fucking with me but it

sounded the peanut butter

turns out that

their boyfriend is

their little

dog with a little tongue and a little peanut butter

and then that’s

their that’s

their boyfriend from there so anybody

from new york can confirm or deny this if it’s an

urban legend i

would love to know

it’s just a regional

thing i it might

be a manhattan

is there message

boards that we can

meet and greet

other people that

enjoy everything

yeah i’m sure there’s a message

board out there for girls who like to get

their pussy licked by dogs have you guys seen

this shit that pirate bays doing they’re like attacking

visa and master card

because this wikileaks

thing yeah they are

they are attack master

hard for not hosting it master

and all the

mastercard you can make a donation to wikileaks

right now they’re all attacking them

don’t do that this wikileaks

thing is fucking

fascinating for people who don’t know and i just

found this out today

ari brought

it up yesterday or day before when we had the podcast

and then was it yesterday yesterday

i already brought up yesterday at the podcast and then

today i went online and

started looking it up

the guy was arrested for

surprise sex

hi buddy the guy was arrested because his condom broke

and he didn’t tell her

that’s the crime and

apparently it’s only a

crime in sweden

like this is nuts like they had an interpol

like they’re trying to get this guy and

bring him in for questioning but this is the charge i

know girls who

try to get married that way

but this woman that he did it with the woman

he had sex with

this chick has published websites

with a detailed list of how to get revenge on men

yeah how to get

this is craziness

i mean the idea that this is enough to

bring this guy into justice

the internet

is gonna stop that man

some shit is

gonna go down from this it’s not

gonna be this

easy it’s really hard for

any organized

system to fight because somebody somewhere is

going to be willing to host something

and how many

places you’re

going to break down and shut it down it’s

on one hand of like wow this is fascinating

there’s information i shouldn’t be seeing that

maybe some of it needs to be exposed and on the

other hand i’m like this

is national fucking security man like we’re talking

about serious

stuff that could really

put people’s lives at risk so

i’m on the fence so that i can see both sides of it i

can see both sides of it too but i can’t see defending

against it you know

i don’t think it’s

right or don’t

think it’s wrong but i can’t see stopping it

from happening when you fuck with people that are that

powerful they

find some sort of way to get to you

i know but that’s what’s fascinating

about this is how

transparent it is

it’s incredibly


that all of a

sudden this

woman who by the way has cia ties

follow my twitter just go to joe rogan there’s a

bunch of things that i tweeted

today when i started


about it and i’m not talking

about i’m talking

about like cnn

talking about

legit news sources and they’re showing

how the connections are

what this guy is actually being

arrested for it’s a fascinating thing man

they’re arresting him for having sex with no condom

this is consensual sex this is

not rape it’s not assault

it’s craziness

and this is something that’s like

there’s an interpol

warning for him

searching for him all over the

place for having sex now you got

extra down oh

that’s insane

did he did he get a shot from london to

sweden yeah

it’s craziness

it’s really

shocked how

transparent these

things didn’t happen sooner i remember sitting there

and i had a friend right

about the time we were working on unreal one this is

about 97 and i went over to his

house and he

was downloading like full high quality like hollywood

movies off of a website and this was 97

wow i’m sitting here going

and now it’s like bit torrent

is everywhere

right like and you have a

generation that

doesn’t want to pay for shit

right right like the

scott pilgrim

movie did you see that

brian yes one of my favorite

movies amazing movie

out of nowhere i can’t

believe they pulled it off i thought it was amazing

edgar wright who did shaun of the dead

right is just

a great movie and what happened was

it bombed at the box office

but at the same time it was like a perfect

movie for the

gamer nerd generation

a hipster generation even right

and i saw somebody tweet

about it they’re like

scott pilgrim is the movie this

generation the problem is this

generation doesn’t pay for shit

right i had a friend

of mine one time she posted on her facebook she’s like

oh i saw the lovely bones it was amazing

and it was two weeks before the film came out i’m like

you’re posting this on your facebook did you get like a

screener from somebody in la or something she’s like

no i torn to that shit

yeah people just

admit it right

just talk about it openly what’s hollywood gonna be

looking at people’s doors like the

music industry

right nobody wants to be the fucking

music industry right now

my words we have

to get rid of currency and make it likes because all

those people

would have liked it and

and so then

you just want to collect likes like they’re not even

money that’s

gonna be the currency in the future just like

sixth grade

do you like him

or do you like me like me yeah but he’s got a

point i mean you know what i mean

because that’s all you’re

going towards and that’s like the new currency

people are almost

everywhere that’s actually a good idea

that’s actually i mean some sort of a revamped idea

have you ever actually

tried to unlike anything on facebook

it’s a nightmare

yeah but that’s how it

should be yeah

actually yeah right

it’s easy to get in it’s like

calm down drama

queen just think

about this for a bit

brian’s used to deal with

crazy bitches

you’re really

just like cupcakes really you know you like settle

down what’s with the

thumbs down

why is there 32

thumbs down and 1 million

thumbs up who are you 32 people

i want to know who pays for like those like

things like gifts what

is that what they’re called you’re paying like 3

for a balloon to put on somebody’s facebook

that was a part

of facebook

are you talking

about like the lidic you got a button or something yeah

buttons that’s what it was dude

virtual goods are huge

yeah i heard

i’m not into it the whole rage

right now in the industry is they call freemium really

the game is free

which is a brilliant idea in a bad economy and so you

start playing it but hey you see that guy who

has the fancy cowboy hat

you could have that for a dollar

let me ask you what do you think

about this what do you think

about games

where it’s like everquest and shit

where they sell the character

they like build up some crazy

superhuman character

and then they go sell it oh it’s

digital farming yeah it’s

great yeah there’s people who

sell it tom

yeah there’s entire

places where they just they busted for

world of warcraft

where they sit there and they will

just farm yeah i

watched that

on tv man there was this couple there was all

about addiction

of gaming i don’t know what the show was

but it was a sad sad couple man because they

weren’t paying attention to their kid

their poor kid was like mommy

daddy they’re like shut up

and play the world

no it was a real tv show

it was and one of the

things that they had is

all these people that were in

i think it was like russia or something like that

that were playing games

for americans they

build up their account they

play all day and then they sell it to them this is the


trade off that you have

right now as you get to the certain

point you realize

people often talk in the industry

about kids versus adults

kids have no

money and all the time

adults have very little time and have the

money and so

which audience are you

right if you can have a person who’s

can get paid you know the

equivalent of five cents an hour and

every hour you can earn a dollar’s

worth of gold

that’s a business

model for somebody

right i don’t

think blizzard’s a fan of that right

but once you have

eyes like i

often talk about the

seven deadly census

game design right

like i walk into this

world and i see you with your

fancy you know two girls one up

shirt on and i’m like oh i want one of

those how do i get that

and then i envy you

right and then i wind up getting

greed so i can collect

money and then i want

getting too many to wind up with gluttony and then

just all these

start factoring into each

other and once you have eyes it’s the way the

world works you see the guy with

a nice car it’s like oh i envy him i want that nice car

you can apply that to the virtual

world exactly as you can apply it

to the real

world you know

blizzard and

world of warcraft

i don’t know the

exact numbers but they had released a pet

whereas it was

like 25 actual dollars or something like that and

their servers

wound up getting

crashed with people lining up to buy it

just for like one little pet that’s

what they figured out how to do is

make it so that

the more you play the game the better you get

the better your life is the more

successful you are the more

powerful you are

the better the

experience is the more you have control of

other people in the game

and that’s like the really

trippy thing

it’s a time thing they

locked you in

it’s a show that you’re totally hooked on

and it never ends

and it keeps getting crazier when

we do new people and

any blizzard

mark my words has created this mold that so many

other people in the position

gonna follow we got

this thing in the new gears and we have a calendar

it’s like you play gears and it’s like oh hey

you know don’t

trade in your game

cause in two

weeks there’s like ticker tuesday or triple xp

thursdays right

and then your friends are playing on that same day

and you wanna keep

going right and

maybe there’s like a

psychology trick there were like you know

you don’t sell the game because you’re

thinking there

might be something coming up

right we’re

dungeon masters we’re always like manipulating that

experience online to have new shit happen

yeah it’s kind of

crazy that it just keeps

going though

but i mean how

much did all

the average person have over their life

right so you

have a world

where you can

start gaining that control yeah

i think the biggest problem

like when you’re young is

figuring out what you want to do when you grow up

right like thankfully i was

lucky and i saw games i was like boom that

right but so i’ve talked to kids are like i’m going to

school and i don’t know what i want to do

it’s like dude pick something and be surgical about it

and decide that you’re

gonna be the best at that

yeah but the

problem is finding something for a lot of kids the real

issue is finding something i mean you got

lucky i got

lucky a lot of people did but

it’s very difficult to find the

thing that you’re into

you don’t wanna like say oh it’s

gonna be this

and then you’re doing it and then halfway into

it you like this fucking blow

okay so it’s difficult to

find what that

thing is it’s like

asking it especially the

young age when you don’t know

you hardly know a lot

about what’s

going on in the

world around you

but at the same time

that opportunity now with the internet is

greater than ever

right like you

could shoot a

viral video you could

start a podcast you

could do anything and if you

start getting better and better at it you could

build community

right if that’s what you

wanna do but what if you

wanna be a carpenter

or what if you

wanna be a painter you know there’s so many

for kids the hardest

thing is finding the thing

finding whatever the fuck it is like

most kids don’t get enough exposure

to interesting ideas between the schoolwork

when you go to

school when you think

about what you

gotta do you

gotta get up at fucking

seven o’clock in the morning

you gotta leave

catch a bus with a

bunch of other douchebags

do a bunch of shit that sucks all day

listen to a

bunch of people tell you you’re

never gonna make anything out of your life

unless you pay attention to them

and they’re like listen

bitch you’re teaching

school i know you don’t make any

money shut the fuck up don’t you love it

oh life was so

great when you’re a kid like no you

know yeah that’s

moments but it sucked so to find something that you

truly love in the

midst of all this like programming is what

school is no more than programming

it is education there is information that you’re

gonna download you’re

gonna remember it

but the reality of what

it is is getting you programmed to get used to doing

things you don’t wanna do

listening to people that you don’t

wanna hear you’re out people you don’t yeah

there’s a buzzer

why does there have to be a buzzer stupid

well this is so important that we fucking

leave at a certain time and get there at a certain time

you’re turning me into a robot

you’re turning me into some worker asshole

that just goes and does the same goddamn

thing every day you’re providing

order for a certain mind that

might otherwise

with the development of yeah

there’s ways to educate people

have you hung

out with any

public school teachers

like my favorite

hobby is if i’m out with friends and

it was out in san francisco with a

buddy and he had a date

who is this a public

school teacher and anytime

i find one of my

polarist i’m like come here come here let me buy you a

drink and we’ll just sit there and pick

their brain for like an hour

above my uncle’s a public

school teacher does he have horror stories

oh of course he does

right teachers in new jersey

yeah like so

you know like

classes that are huge like kids who are

young like super

young hooking up in bathrooms have to call child

in services

it’s a horror

story out there yeah

well you know they’re all doing

crazy shit now too because of the internet

you hear like 13 year olds are talking

about making out with

other girls

there was no

girls making out with girls when i was 13

that shit never took place

they’re all doing it you know

yeah that was

13 year old girls yeah

that was the

when i was 13

i knew a lot of 13 year olds dude none of them

were making out with each

other everybody

would say they were

gonna do something and you never knew

quite what it was

right and there was this kind of like

adult conspiracy to keep like

pornography away from you and

things like that you had to go in the woods and find

points we’ve talked

about this a hundred times on the podcast finding yeah

finding porn in

the woods that’s so

funny everyone’s got the same

story everybody it’s incredible that we didn’t

bring this up

to you dirty

stuff we didn’t

bring this up to you and

everyone has the same goddamn

story you’re in the woods we

should find a

magazine you

should make an

adult bookstore in the woods it’d probably be the most

successful just

don’t even tell have any science

in the middle

of the woods

there’s like a johnny porno seed it looks like

ron jeremy and a thon

going with a

giant sack of porn and it’s like

cherry hustlers

yeah cherry yeah yes

it’s not playboy

it’s the dirtiest

shit you could find it was the bad

stuff we grew

up with oh your dogs there we go it was always

penthouse with a lot of

water damage it was always the girls look like that the

sarlacc pit down there it was horrible

right and your young

impressionable mine is like oh my god i’m supposed to

think that is hot what is

going on here

right it’s terrifying yeah now

click of a button you can see two girls one cup yeah

yeah we’ve talked

about this before

about how crazy it is how

how close all this stuff is

like someone can send you a twitter link and you

click on it and just give it to be the most horrible

thing ever mark my words if i ever have children

like they are not

gonna get a cell phone

until they’re maybe 13

yeah but you know what the

worst thing you

wanna have is an uninformed kid true true

when all the other kids

just talk to them and just

let them be

you know in the same

flow as everybody else

just let him know what the fuck is

going on while it’s happening

as long as that bass is there right

yeah yeah look

you know there’s that old

expression the kids are

gonna be alright

you know and

they are they’re

gonna be alright they’re

gonna be fine just like we’re fine we’re worried

about them you

know and i have

little daughters

and logically

you know i can say this and of course you know

paternally i

just want to protect them and nerf the fucking

world and all that

but i understand where

that’s coming from

these kids are

gonna be fine they’re growing up with other

human beings for

some extent you want them to make

their own mistakes

right i’ve known

parents yes

pad the house

up too much and it’s like let them fall over once in a

while let them

learn have balance

right like well yeah but you know you

gotta be careful

you don’t want them

i mean kids die

you know they fall yeah

and they don’t have a cold

stove in the middle

of the living room yeah

but i mean if you have hard

floors you know like i have marble

floors it’s kind of tricky

you know you gotta

you gotta watch them

but that’s not the

point the point is you know

they’re growing up with

other people and i think

things always

get better and even though it seems like shit’s worse

even though it seems like shit’s

worse as far

as like the economy and all this craziness as far as

invasion of privacy and

you know and

the access to information that

we have and they’re getting inundated with images and

videos and all this shit that we didn’t see

until we were well

mature they’re

gonna be fun

they’re just this is how they’re

growing up now this is just how it is and we’re just

the old people

that are just like our parents like you know kids

these days look at them

kids the same

video games it’s the same

thing it’s just

we’re like kids

these days with

their fucking ass

to mouth porn

you know they got ass to

mouth porn on

their fucking

iphone well that’s just what it is it’s just

this is the new

world and the

world constantly

keeps getting more and more complex it’s a

world of ass to

mouths it’s the

world is always getting more and more fucked

up it’s always getting more complicated more strange

more bizarre

where is it

going to the zombie

apocalypse well i

think it’s always look i

think as long as there’s

freedom of information the way we’re expressing each

other right now

and communicating with each

other people are

going to be able to figure out

things quicker

you know and i

think kids are

gonna be able to figure out this

multi faceted fucked up chaotic world

far quicker than some fucking doofus from 1963

yeah you know you take some kid from 1963 you

could talk him in anything they didn’t know shit

yeah you know

today kids are

gonna be more savvy more

aware more information

nobody needs to ask anybody anything anymore

yeah he was

the fuck it up

you find it

right you know wozniak was complaining

about this actually

there was steve wozniak one of the creators of

apple was doing an interview

where he was

saying back in my day you know

you had a question you had to find a

smart person and ask him

well that’s dumb

why would i

why are you complaining

about that there’s not that many fucking

smart people

but i gotta seek out one dude

that’s retarded i have

to go and talk to the professor

that’s why they’re so goddamn arrogant

about their information

thing about the mayans

right they used to control them by the you know all the

quote priests you know

figured out

science and figured out you know how the you know the

and how everything

would turn out and

like everyone

was like wow how do they know this it must be

magic or like huh

we’re controlling this through knowledge right

yeah well there’s yeah but

now everything

to before the library

of alexandria burned down

i mean that

was the idea as well they kept all the knowledge

they had all this information

about all sorts of different

things that

the delayed person was unaware of

now everybody can get it google bitch damn

we used to have to seek out a tim sweden

era john carmack yeah

right and hang on to them and

write them up to the top yeah

that’s true now there’s just fucking

a computer connection

to the internet and all your questions

answer but it’s not always true dude not always

but it’s getting there

it really is getting

closer and closer it’s getting to the point

there’s a lot of disinformation but there’s also

a lot of information there’s a lot of good information

and i think that’s good

because i think it developed

just like we need to be able to

discern between bullshit and reality in the real world

we need to be able to discern

between bullshit and reality online

and people will sort it all out and figure it out you

know there’s a lot of people that have there’s a lot of

urban myths

about all sorts of different

things if you

drink a coke and take you know

fucking this with it you’ll die

i mean how many different stories have we ever

heard oh yeah

and then you just go online

pop rocks growing up

yes that’s right that’s what it was

it was mikey

from the life serial commercial died his stomach

exploded right

there was the

urban legend

about the girl who

stuck the hot dog in her pussy

and then had to go to the hospital you

never heard that one i

didn’t hear that one that was the other one

all the maggots were

starting coming out of your ass

then there’s the one

about the lobster

that right you

heard that one

right what was that one

the girl apparently took a lot

to boston one it’s the

lobster lobster

put it in her then like lit a mash to make

its tail flip around turns out the lobster had like

like planted a

bunch of eggs in her and

then like three weeks

later she died at the top

and all the

yeah yeah i

could solely see that some

disgusting girl was shit breath telling me that story

it really seems like life is

going towards

having a matrix bubble

where you live in a bubble and your

whole life is like

she was such a whore

she took this lobster

she stuck it in her

pussy right

right she lighted it with a

little fire

it was on fire and a fucking lobster just

dropped all his eggs in a

snatch it was

a lobster fest

and two fucking lobsters

are crawling out of a

pussy what a whore

don’t you think that’s the case that life is

going towards

where we’re

gonna be in a bubble and our

whole life is

going to be some kind of sit like

matrix style

cocoon where we’re all working for the eyes i actually

think the people who actually have

people skills

will suddenly


gonna know how

to be connected and how to get all this data right

but those who actually can interact in real life

will actually do pretty well if

you have the combination of that

we all know

it’s interesting

to try to like speculators to what exactly is

gonna happen but we all know that something’s

happening and that’s the most interesting thing

about this conversation

is that we all are just

admitting like everyone’s saying

no one’s saying

well this is

gonna stop and

everything will

level off and then we’ll just you know go fishing

it’s going faster than ever though exponentially

right yeah it’s moving in a

weird direction when you were talking

about that smart dust

you know and

the ability to

track you and little

particles that can hang on to you and 3d computers and

this whole wikileaks thing

the transparency

of the whole process now

seeing this guy get arrested for

not wearing a condom and they’re

tracking him down like he’s a killer

and that is this main

thing he’s done

wrong he didn’t wear a condom nobody knows what’s

charging nobody knows anybody else involved it

though right he’s the one who’s like willing to

stand up there

and take it on the chin is the face of this

whole operation i don’t

understand the

whole story

i need to look into it more and i hesitate to

anytime anything involves anything political

i always just say you know what

it’s like watching a tv show that’s fucked me over

you know this this show sucks

you’re not getting me

again i’m not

gonna watch your

stupid show

and that’s how i feel

about politics so i when anything like this

is in the news i’m like fuck you my time is valuable

you guys are all

crazy you’re all full of shit

kiss my ass i’m not paying attention

but as this is getting further and further

along i’m getting sucked in

because it’s so surreal

yeah it’s so strange

well you know the only a certain percentage of the

cables were actually

released it was something like 20 000 out of like

300 000 or something they’re fucking

panicking man

these the politicians are

panicking they’re

gonna know all

these other nations are

gonna know what kind of shit we talked

about them you have a hard time containing

data though even in my business it’s just like oh

suddenly something just appears as a

rumor on a website yeah it’s like how the fuck

it’s amazing

it’s interesting

somebody profiting by this like as i

know in the gaming industry if you’re like

gonna leak something to like

you know a video game website you’re not

gonna make money like

right and you

know you’d hope somebody

wouldn’t have two beers

at a pub and tell them something like and then it’s

people run with it

right that’s one of the most fascinating

things about bit torrent

and all this

stuff it’s almost like people feel compelled

to contribute

it’s like there’s like a human

urge to put information and

stuff available online

like before people were getting chased down

people love the idea that you

could go to

their site and get a

bunch of shit yeah

you can get a

bunch of shit from them and they love to be yeah

they love to be distributors of it

you know it was so common there

were so many different sites that had illegal shit

there’s gotta be like a

human nature

thing where you just want to like

share and host and have community

remember where’s

where sites yeah of

course yeah i mean that’s different than bit torn

people don’t know there was these

weird fucking hidden sites

where you can go and download

layers with a z

yeah w a r e z

and you could

go and got this

with suarez

they got all shut down they

figured out how to stop them

but then this

whole peer to peer

thing came up and the peer to peer

thing is too confusing

for people who don’t know

it’s like when

you’re downloading say if you’re getting a

movie you’re not getting it from one person

you’re getting

it from like a hundred people or more even

you’re getting all

these files and

somehow another they’re compiling who’s your computer

yeah but it’s craziness because

you’re taking all

these ones and zeros from like

thirty different places

and then the

final product is illegal

yeah like whoa what are you saying and

how do you track

right where did it come from somebody had it

if the one person

that had it there’s one illegal copy right

and then they’re all illegal but what if there’s one

legal one so here’s the key is to provide

a service that people are willing to pay for why do you

think hollywood’s betting on 3d so much right now

right it’s like okay what are we on

what are we

gonna actually do

i think that’s adding

the third dimension

the key to that is nfl i don’t

think it’s porn

and fell would be dope

we’re filming all the

ufcs in three yep

you have seen 3d

that be genius right

then it’s an event

right like filmed

a bunch of them already

i want my 3d

to be an event i want to go see avatar i want

to see tron in 3d

i don’t want to

go see like meet the fokker 6 in 3d i don’t really care

right in my

house like you know i don’t really need to see like

your average

rental in 3d but when there’s an event there’s a

fight there’s a

the super bowl i will i’ll put my

glasses on and

watch out of my

house or a dope

movie something fucking bad

that some super like

the more i watch

i’m sorry the more

watch tv in 3d though it’s not really

about that i

think why they’re trying to make all the

movies 3d and all the games 3d is to make it to the

point that what we’re

going towards is like walls of

tvs or like i was saying the imax

movie theater

where it’s gonna be

a bubble aren’t you

well it’s at the 360

like i think i

think they’re really

trying to push that that not the 3d part just the

depth part of it so that’s what

it’s going towards a bigger

screen do you

think that they

can do that eventually they’ll be able to create an

image that looks

three dimensional without actually having to have

glasses have you

seen the nintendo

3ds yeah they already have it already have

does it look like remember when we went to that um

i don’t remember where the

place was we went to and we saw some some sort of a big

screen was in an austin

they had a big

screen that was

it it was a 3d

thing they have it now it was

super dope it was in best buy

somewhere in best buy oh yeah yeah

yeah it was best

buy remember

it was incredible we were

watching that

monsters monster vs

aliens yeah yeah

it was insane

the depth was so fucking gripping

i was like this

is like giving me like a mental boner just to

watch it’s like thrilling

you know it’s

so alive with

visuals you know so your

story doesn’t always have to be the most original

thing but if you can provide something so but

somebody’s never seen before that’s why

we play games that’s why we go to the

movies is to get away from the shitty day to day

monday in life

that’s why they’re people

who love avatar so much that are depressed when they

leave it right

cause they created this

whole virtual

world that just wanted to exist

it’s me man i wanted to go there

and i wanted to lead

when i read

about that movie i’m like this was pretty

there’s like

okay so it’s blue people meets fer and

gully and i’m

watching i’m

like oh this is cool that was a perfect example of

depth though when you saw avatar for the

first time how

like that one

scene where they’re

going down there

pulling out something like a dead body or something

it should like that long hallway

you know that’s what it seems like

everything i’ve been

watching regular tv in 3d for like a couple

months now and

even like regular tv shows that

they have like a reenaction that makes the tv

try to make it in 3d

that reenaction

recreation of trying to make it 3d

and even shows like that you’re just

watching tv and you’re like wow this background

this really far back you know so it seems like

everything is

going for just

depth nowadays that

the technology

is going to be like us in a

pod and we’re just

gonna sit there

and communicate

to get used to it that they can’t go back right

exactly that’s what it seems like it’s

so used to it that what

that they can’t go back

right that’s how it is with hd for me

right now right but the

never underestimate how many people don’t have the

money or don’t

miss upgraded

conversation i ever said sorry

we know like we we can

track how many people have hd versus

standard definition

televisions and in our games

right based on

their settings

and it’s actually

not as many people as you

think have hdtv

still to this day really there’s still a

great percentage of rural america that

still doesn’t have broadband

there’s so many

people that lag behind it because it’s just not a

priority for them

you’ll always get your

early adopters

guys like you who have 3d

there’s still tons of people out there

i stream all my

stuff on my xbox

like when i saw the red box you go to the


where i live and like a friday

night near the college

there’s a line out the door

for the red box and i’m like what is this

right and it’s

blockbuster condensed

into one box that you can just rent

right and it’s huge

not everybody has the

broadband and has an xbox

setup they can easily

stream everything from the comfort of the living room

right yeah but

not everybody had electricity 200 years ago

yeah i mean

it’s like it’s all oh we got to keep pushing forward

right it’s all

gonna it’s it’s eventually

going in the same direction

doesn’t matter how many of

these hillbilly

fucks don’t

catch up and we

know broadband

two thousand ten i got no fucking time for you

but that’s silly you need to move stupid

you know you

need to fucking get your family out of the woods soon

come on buddy it’s like there’s not

gonna be carpenters anymore though it seems

like we’re saying like if you want to be a carpenter

like how is this person

gonna find like

his job and stuff

that’s what’s

gonna happen there’s not gonna be

houses anymore we’re

gonna live in pods

will we have gigantic 3d computers or 3d printers

that we set up that

build a house is that what it’ll be there’ll be some no

it’ll be like a cocoon

of a third dimension wall that wraps around your body

like the way

you don’t want to live like that you’re not

gonna be able to live that’s what we’re putting

a bomber style

but what if you’re

young and you

grew up with that you don’t need that much

space and you prefer the

virtual world over the real

world right and you’re

not you’re perfectly comfortable running around a

virtual field over a real one

maybe it’ll be inevitable

maybe it’ll be get so dope that why

would you want to live in the real world

stupid right

maybe the the fake

world will be

so talk about

badass what if you just go and yeah like you

remember when

virtual reality was all the immortals

with a giant dick

eyes that can see through walls there’s no racism

yeah no racism

and you’re like you have all the

money that has ever been

printed it’s all yours

yeah multi penises

and you could

just go to other

worlds you could

travel to other

worlds you could do anything it’s not real

you can make

your own world

right yeah that’s the million dollar

trillion dollar

prize everybody wants to go for for games it’s

gonna be your

dream that you can

ultimately control

so let’s think

about this man i mean what

is imagination imagination is some sort of energy that

allows you to

think up something that isn’t there and create

it and now it

becomes real it manifests itself in the real

three dimensional

world and you can

beat on it with a hammer it all comes from imagination

so imagination is like some real creating force

but nobody really ever knows

where that comes from is it comes

from your environment has come from

what you’re exposed to like what is it

well they also

the concept of the

muse that you’re an antenna and that you’re

tuning into all the energy that’s out there and

you just sort

of some sort of another

process it just like

you know like a

satellite dish pulls it out of the sky

and makes these numbers ones and zeros in this image

but it’s true

i mean when you look at what imagination is i mean

it really is some sort of an energy something that

exists in the mind

and that it’s ethereal

and then it becomes a

solid thing it becomes a miller lite

you know it becomes a computer it becomes a microphone

you know and this

this eventually

got to move

further right so

if the imagination of all

these thoughts

can become a real

thing by someone

getting out and sawing some wood and nailing some

things together

eventually it is

going to become something through code

where you can alter

things not with a hammer and nails

but you can use your mind to create a real world

that could be

100 real your imagination

applied operating

system that

tunes into neural interface and becomes a part of you

and you and this operating

system connect to some sort of a computer

or whatever

the fuck it is whether it’s wireless or whatever

and then all of a sudden

you enter into a tangible

three dimensional

world that you control

then you upload into it

yeah what the fuck man

and we leave meat space

right space

but think about

what happens when the meat dies and you

just rot and then someone has to come along

clean you they have to recognize the hole in the

matrix and see you not find it

weird that is two thousand

ten we still

bury people in the ground

yes damn we

should dress

those people up and fucking

dance them around

like we get

it fall apart

you need to burn them

what are you talking

about stupid

i think that

should be a play it

should be the

the play of this

you go there

to respect for guy and

it’s like six

months long

so crazy you

gotta burn them it’s so dumb and it cost so much

money to bury people man

i was at the the duncan show the

at the cemetery

yeah what’s it called

the hollywood

cemetery it’s got some

weird show he does at the hollywood

say at the gears launch

party yeah yeah that’s

where the gears that sign is from they do

movies and shit

there yeah it’s awesome it’s like a hit really

weird hip cemetery

but they comedy they do a comedy show there

and we were there and so it was the

first time i’d ever been around

uh gravestones in a long time

and like they’re all high tech now

they have like

laser etched people’s faces and shit into the

gravestones they have like video

screens and stuff

no there’s probably

they have posters

of like the sopranos and

stuff like that on the walls and like

harry potter inside

yeah inside the yeah but i’m talking

about where

the dead people are yeah

where the dead people are the headstones

they’re like high tech now yeah

like the whole

place is like just like a trendy

place like that so even there’s like neon

lights around like some of the

graves and there’s

these digital candles that

flick it’s like this like a hip

you know what you do is

ridiculous what

you do is if you die you have a live streaming

thing that has a twitter hashtag with your name

so you can totally

like do shout outs

right yeah totally i

would give a

shout out to

gravestone number

42 you ever

know anybody who died who

still has a facebook

oh yeah that is

weird stuff man outlaw

his wife updates his facebook

all the time i miss you and shit like that yeah

those are weird

i’ve known people and it’s

weird they almost

haunt you on facebook

yeah they keep popping up and like

videos and stuff that aren’t tagged

like tag me and it’s just

you’ll be in the middle of the day just eating your

lunch and it

just pops up you’re like oh man like it’s a

weird sobering reminder and you’re not

gonna delete it it’s like

this weird kind of

ghostly memorial to that person right

yeah it’s trippy

what happens when that person

starts responding

though and it’s not like there’s a twilight zone right

it starts with a poke

right hit my like button yeah

and you’re like i

think the acid’s kicking in

there’s this

article in fast company talking

about how twitter

is kind of taking over in certain ways and how

basically during the vmas this year

they had like twitter projections in the wall

of like the number of hits like each artist got and

their headline feeds what people are saying

about each artist

and so we have a generation

right now that wants to interact 24 7

it started with the remote control

and now like it’s not

enough i know friends who’ve been sitting there texting

other people

and i’ll say something like hey do

you want to go to the

store and they’ll be like did you actually hear

what i just said and they’ll

be like yeah you said you want to go to the store

while they’re in the middle of typing an email

the human mind is

adapting to this kind of

multi task ability

it’s not just enough to sit down and

watch something

you need a ticker feed

we’re playing an online game

and in between

rounds we’re

tweeting at the same time

right you have

to keep doing something and doing multiple

things otherwise the

brain is bored

you know what i don’t

think it affects traffic as much

either because i think

the majority of people that have

the google maps live

traffic view

sorts it out

from people that are just sitting there twittering

their mom and driving slower like it cancels each

other out because now we have better

technology so we know where to

drive better and

where the traffic is

so that equals out the

other retards that are just sitting there

twittering and slowing down traffic a different way

what do you

think about that

do you mount your

phone to the

center of your

steering wheel

what’s that you

should mount your

phone to the center of your

steering wheel no i just did the side straddle

thing i’d look down at the map i’m like okay

i got to turn

right up you’re at the

point where like

you could feel the

tug of your

phone in your pocket sometimes oh yeah

just like i just want to look

you know having a twitter fan base and just

see you post something before you

leave the office or whatever and you’re

driving the road you just want to know what they’re

gonna say right

right and you just want to

respond it’s that in itself is having a community right

that’s incredibly addictive

totally you have an instant

response from

thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people

right like how can you not want to know what they’re

gonna say and

half the time it’s the same

thing and half the time it’s something new

right totally

yeah it’s very addictive

very addictive just want to know what’s

going on because

every now and then i’ll

check twitter and

someone will turn me on to something really amazing and

right you know some incredible fucking

video or something you ever get a little

weirded out by the links though like you just

worry about

clicking on it like hey

check out this

video this cat who farts

while he burps and you’re like mac you don’t

don’t you use a mac no

well that’s the problem

my my the big

the big apple cherry popper for me was the ipad man

oh yeah i love it

yeah you got to get mac

brands the not

clicking on links nowadays who cares

right yeah you don’t

worry about

viruses you don’t

worry about anything yeah i’m

still a pc guy that’s what we develop on a work

right that’s

all nice and good dude but it’s nonsense you

have to have

dessert yeah you

gotta have dessert

like being a person who’s

allergic to peanuts

and you’re eating

everything blind hoping you don’t run into a peanut

you know it’s silly

yeah you right

is this ustream

tv or net tv fuck

i put out the

wrong link on my twitter

did you put it up for you

put out the

wrong like these people i can

take the goddamn

thing oh yeah

piss anytime

you want to yeah get up here just piss in his

mouth yeah so

watch for cables

and he’s been here before man

trust me if you want to pee on my dog she’s out back

she likes it

dogs love pee man you know what’s

crazy about

video games nowadays is that

angry birds game there’s

a game i don’t know if you

heard that’s 99 cents

right now i

think it is

but that game has sold so many fucking

99 cent apps that there’s a group like

spielberg is

gonna be making a

movie with brad

pitt any day now as an

angry bird or something that’s how

crazy i don’t know

what you’re talking about

what is this there’s a game

that you can

get on your iphone you can also get it on the droid and

stuff like that it’s called

angry birds

it has sold

like shitloads

of digital copies

to the point

where that game

is like making millions for a 99

cent video game

it’s gotten so big that now they’re making it

for ipads they’re making it for consoles but now it’s

gonna like there’s even a movie

maybe in the works that’s

coming out so what is

the numbers like how many millions

millions people

millions yeah played it

yeah what would you say

three point

seven million

today just taking

a ralphie may

that’s what we’re

gonna call from

now on it’s a

ralphie may

make up a word

make up a number i’m gonna

ralphie made this

number there’s

five thousand people that died and

remember that

we looked up as two

yeah thousands of people died

he’s as black as cold to

thousands of people died

two thousand dead reagan

you would not

understand this

ralphie’s a great guy and he’s very funny but he

sucks with numbers

you know he’s not well

he doesn’t suck at numbers what his

popularity of that

episode is one of the fastest most popular episodes

oh ralph is

very popular man he’s

funny people love crazy mad

fans you know is

ralphie was the

best ralphi

ralph a this is

ralphie was the one who was the best at

capitalizing on that

last comic standing

show he did it better than anybody man he just ran

destroyed like i said this on the podcast

i watch him destroy rooms like

people just howling

like on the show

yeah on the show

and that’s what made me got into

thinking like wow he is

he is a real comic

right well he’s an animal dude

dude i mean he might be

500 fucking

pounds or whatever he is but he’s working yeah

he’s out there constantly huffing it i

heard he does like three

hours shows to

it sometimes really like he

does ridiculous shows i want to know is like

just doing a

lot of comedy man he’s doing it constantly his feet

his feet must hurt though they must hurt

they must just

maybe he sits down

after a while

maybe he lays down and

maybe what he does is

the audience is on like it’s like one of

those music part rides they all

strap in and they

raise them up

over him so they’re hanging from the ceiling and he’s

lying on his back and that’s how he does his comedy

what if he had a

water bed on stage

and just laid back in the

water bed and

there was this candles all around and then that’s how

that’s how he did his

whole show that’s actually

kind of a cool fucking idea

how about just being in the tub

just in the tub with candles

and comedy oh totally that’s actually not a bad

idea you had your opener in there

with you and they’re just hanging out laying there no

that’s okay

only with girls though you only had girl comedy and

they think that

they say so

you have one person is

funny one person who isn’t

that’s you in that camp that

thinks girls aren’t funny

most girls are not

funny is that not a

classic comedy

thing right like well there’s a

bunch i mean

sarah silverman’s really

funny so i shouldn’t say most girls just

look most comics aren’t

funny either there’s less girls doing comedy so

there’s no esther’s

funny comedians that are women yeah

there’s no esther’s

funny little

esther she’s very

funny she’s a good

comic there’s a

bunch that are really good

comics i mean i have a

bunch of friends that are

comics that are female

to joke but

there’s a lot of

women that are terrible it’s a different

so did they have a different restrictions

they can’t talk

about as many

things that can’t

win sarah silverman does but she’s

such a rarity

you know most that’s kind of

what it takes

right like you look at richard

prior sort of

it has to be you it has to be you and so very few

women actually are that i mean

sarah silverman

the reason one

one of the reasons why she’s so

funny and so brash and

dirty is like that’s what’s

funny to her

that’s who she really is you know

and it has to really be you

and there’s you know

for doing an act yeah for a lot of men that’s always

men 90 of all men talk

about you know

a lot of the same situations and

you know that you can relate

to anyone even if they’re on stage

unless they’re like as extreme as like say joey diaz

or joey diaz will take it into

what the fuck

do rogan the average man really has no

but for most

women you know like

conversations like men don’t want to hear you talk

about politics

men don’t want to hear your opinions

men don’t wanna hear you talking

about you getting laid

men don’t wanna hear you talking

about what the fuck is this bitch

so what are they so they’re

so limited they’re

limited and they can’t be the alpha

they can’t be the one who has this idea that

maybe everybody

should listen to

cause it makes

sense you can’t be that person

the last thing any fucking asshole man wants to do

is be in the audience with some woman

smarter than him that’s making a lot of

sense that’s

you know saying some shit that he

should have thought up on his own

a good luck controlling that good luck

that yeah and good luck with the politics you know men

always oppose

women on political issues

i know a lot of men who

when women think one way they’ll

think the other way just because a

woman thinks that way

it’s just like you know it’s just natural

that’s ingrained

yeah it’s ingrained to not

want a woman to control you so

so many comedians just rely upon the whole like

marriage sucks like unhappy american male type

thing man it’s just it’s sad

well you know what it is it’s like

first of all that is a lot of

what they are

i mean a lot of people

especially if you’re

shitty at relationships you don’t know i mean

we know a lot of people that

have fucking terrible relationships

is what it is

and it’s also

it’s you know

they get programmed into

thinking that that’s what’s funny

you know that

this is this is the

angle this is what everybody does

like oh my life

sucks like that so that’s the way it is and

i feel sympathy for you

right yeah but

some people will come out with it and you know

you know it’s real you know it’s like

you the two people can talk

about the same subjects and

one it works and the

other one it

doesn’t and

the one it works it works

cause this shit is coming from a real

place yeah like that’s like

the most important

thing with i

think any kind of art it’s

gotta come from a real place

to really resonate with people this has to actually

be what you

wanna do you and i

started watching

for about five

seconds on cable the

other night was polyshore is dead

how dare you

did you enjoy it no

no i wonder why

that’s what the

funny thing was is

growing up as a

teenager we

would watch that shit

like we would

watch polyshore

movies yeah

well the polyshore of then is not the polyshore of now

fair enough

life moves on

yeah do you

still go to go are you working at the comedy

store still or no

never never

never never

no that’s the main reason why

that whole carlsman

see a thing that was

the end of it for me yeah i don’t want to bring up a

it was just gross

i mostly do the improv

now in other clubs but

you’re right buddy

hey what is

brian’s moving around

down the butter dog what is fucking dog

way what i miss

about walking around with his dog it’s a suitcase he

said that’s

a purse for it

when the middle of a podcast

you can get

a bedazzled person just walk around you get a dog now

yeah i got a couple dogs kind

well you know my

story about when i was living in

colorado my dog got

eaten by a mountain

lion to tell

you that she told me that yeah yeah

so i have two left

i got a mastiff

and i have a bulldog how big is your mastiff

a buck 40 jesus i’m buck 50 he’s big

super friendly though

yeah they always are dog

the bigger the

dog the nicer they are the meaner there are the

more little shits well there’s some big dogs that are

scary though like

press the canarios

you know there’s some

there’s some

giant dogs that are fucking dangerous

usually the mastiffs and the danes are cool right yeah

great danes

are also really confident they’re really friendly

but mastiff’s like this dog

is the best he’s got the perfect personality yeah so so

sweet to everybody

just a nice dog i can’t do the little dog

thing man i don’t know how you do it

well the little dog’s the one that got eaten

and he’s i had

a cool little dog man he was a pomeranian and american

eskimos and fluffy dog

but he got jacked by mountain lion

did you just vanish one day or you come

crawling home halfway

like this long

story that we’ve told many times i

don’t need to go over

old stuff but

i saw the mountain line

though having you know

having little dogs like that is like you know

they really can’t

protect themselves from anything foxes can jack them

you know i saw a fox with a little baby deer

i didn’t know like everybody was talking

about how foxes are like

sweet and all they’re so cool look at the

things survive too man i saw a fox

dragging a fawn

and i was like oh this is real shit you

ever actually get to be around into the big cats man

well i saw this one mountain lion

that was in my yard

and it was about

sixty pounds seventy

pounds it was like a dog like a german shepherd’s eyes

wasn’t big like

like holy shit this is

gonna eat me

it was big like

whoa that’s a mountain lion

it was like it was almost kind of like

more shocking that it was smaller

because then i knew it was real

and i’m saying like i

expected if i’m

gonna see a mountain lion i’m

gonna see a full

grown mountain

lion walking through the woods

but something

about this small one

and i was like whoa like there’s

small ones too like how many of them are out there i

started thinking like

how many of

these fucking creatures

will live in the woods and just kill things off

i had a cat killed by a guy i

think it was a coyote

out in my mom’s

place in california

one time you hear him at

night right you just hear all the howlings

start kicking in right yeah

they’re in my yard sometimes

where they used

to be i had to fix my yard so they couldn’t get in

but they would

get in and they

would shit all over the place

they would shit over by my pool

and it was creepy man because

i stay up late dude

i’m up to like four o’clock in the morning

so while i’m up writing

you know these fucking

monsters are wandering around my yard looking for

shit to kill yeah but if you’re out there they probably

sense that you’re there and they’ll do

avoid it right

you know yeah

but you know don’t don’t fucking take a chance with a

small person if there’s no one around

you i had a

chance people before

i had a chance to take my brother and my little uh

seven year old

niece of the san

diego zoo or the

wild animal park and kind of go behind the scenes and

check out the

whole cheetah

set up there

and there’s one cheetah

there that was hand raised

my brother and i got to go in and

pet the fucking thing

right and just hearing the

it sounds like a harley

davidson right in person

and you see this

the fur is actually really coarse

and they have a certain presence

about them just like don’t fuck with me right

and i’m at that

point where i’m like okay i’ll go and i’ll get my

photo up and i’m

gonna get the

hell out because i don’t want to have my face

eaten like that baboon in that lady a

while ago right

and then there’s another

one that’s just pacing the cage and when she saw

my little niece

she stopped immediately made eye contact and my niece

could sense

that this creature

looked at her and wanted to eat her and just

completely ran behind my brother’s legs because

the cheetah just saw her as food

right it was just that primal instinct just kicked in

yeah they can’t help it

cheetahs can be domesticated

they’re one of the few animals that you can

successfully domesticate

them they’re actually in the low end of the cat food

chain in africa too

right is that

what it is yeah

so they’re actually somewhat

endangered yeah

yeah and people have actually kept them as pets and

trained them and shit i

guess they don’t kill you

dude i mean

a few animals

i’m still not

gonna trust it

yeah it was a

smart move especially with your niece man

so she wasn’t allowed in with them of course

right it doesn’t matter i mean even you know having it

aware that that’s food if you know it ever sees her

again it was

funny that it’s creepy

that she just realizes it

right and then

wow that’s crazy

he realized

those those

magic moments are like all

right this is something not to

mess with right

that’s some

scary shit dude big cats are the

scariest they say that the reason why we have scared

where people are afraid of

monsters like

every kid is

it’s all just leftover dna from

monkeys getting jacked

yep like cats back when we were you know subhuman

hominoids the primal instinct to avoid

scary stuff man

right and like if

there’s an old stephen king

thing in line i can’t remember what it was from

where he was saying you know the lightning

crashes and the door

opens and you see a 40 foot bug there part of you is

happy because you’re

expecting a 60 foot bug

right like that’s why

alien worked

right cause

you don’t see the full

alien right at the

beginning you see the little bit of the leg a little

bit of the tail you’re imagining like what can this

thing possibly look like

yeah it was the most

screwed up awesome

hr geiger design

ever but at

the same time shit

in your head

it was still out there we rewatched

aliens recently

aliens is good but the problem with

aliens is that they establish an alien

that this thing is

super fucking intelligent

really fast gigantic

super resourceful

very crafty and sneaky

but then the

second one they’re just

shooting them left and

right and they’re dying

that was the

whole movie the

first i mean

they needed one you know it was one alien

versus the truckers

they went too quick

they should have had less

aliens let’s

who the fuck am i

movie designer

characters are

telling them

one of the greatest science fiction

movies of all time

still an amazing movie

but to me i was like wait a

minute you can just kill him that easy

everyone’s just

running around shotguns i like two better than one

one is an exercise

in action one is an exercise in suspense

right one is the

tease of the leg the

other one’s the full on

blown up porno

right and you’ve

watched the rewatch the

things there

was too many

cut the shit

scenes in the

second one like when she was battling

it with the exoskeleton on i was like why isn’t it just

stabbing you in the heart

it’s got this

giant fucking

monster tail why isn’t it just

scooping you out

like your camera and

sat down i want to see a fucking mac

versus an alien

there’s a certain

point of creativity man

where you have to be like you know what

a gun with a

chainsaw makes

absolutely no

sense on it

like even look at the design if

you want to grab the gun you saw your finger off right

but it’s cool

yeah but what i’m talking

about is cut the shit moments

suspension of disbelief

where you make me go in a

place where i

think you got lazy

are you did so why you making me go here

why is this your conclusion

how’s this bitch

fighting this thing

all they had to do is

build a certain amount of but

they hadn’t make it believable you got it you got a

i can’t like have to go oh well i

guess it’s just really bad with its tail

today that’s the same

argument that says

like lord of the rings why didn’t they just grab

those you know

birds at the end of it and have

them fly over and drop the ring into the volcano

right like there’s

always it’s

always possible to find words don’t listen to you

fucking bird they

were riding the birds at the end of the movie man

birds like doing

carrier pigeons

trust birds

birds are cunts

birds are all

forward dinosaurs that became something new that’s

the most evil bird ever is the african gray

the most evil bird you ever see a shoe bill

no there’s a congo documentary from the bbc that

freaked me out once

cause there’s a

five foot tall prehistoric fucking bird with this

giant bill that

jacks these fish

it’s fascinating man the

thing that fascinates me most

about birds

is they really are dinosaurs

they really are you know

and they think

there’s a lot of theories that a lot of dinosaurs

had feathers

you know they just rotted

off and that we don’t see the fossils of feathers

yeah the fossils were just placed there to test our

faith dude there’s a dude that i

argue with on twitter all day

i don’t argue with him all day

but i read his

shit all day what is your threshold for

blocking people

oh i just they’re

annoying just

i don’t just go on instinct if you’re

annoying me i just

blocked i love it when

their dicks

yeah it’s just so easy love it

i read the thing

you fucking

for you do block

block i always

quote that old comedy bit you did about the

disproportionate amount of

racial porn being sold in the

south right yeah

i was like dude like if

you hate me

that obviously there’s something that i fucked up with

my team in the game like that we did something wrong

like how can i flip this to turn

you into somebody who likes what we do it’s just one

switch away

maybe it’s a

it’s a reply saying hey man

sorry the matchmaking

sucked in gears too we’ve been working on fixing it

like something like that to win you over and if you do

then you could wind up with a fan for life

right you would have to go back in

time and stop

that bus driver from fucking them in the ass

and roofing them

and giving them

moonshine you’d have to do that and or find

out why they’re

angry why their mom didn’t love them or maybe

their stepdad

was 36 inch

lcd testicles that the internet provides people

right once you have an amenities

suddenly they get

giant balls

right there’s that but why are they

angry they put

something it’s

not you don’t take a healthy

happy super cool person

who watches a game and

doesn’t really

like it and goes and attacks you on a personal basis

they’re coming from a deep

anger of the

crystal pepsi

it’s a lot of different

things man it’s like

your life not being what you wanted it to be

the unfilled

expectations were all around you

there’s people like

paris hilton and

you know kim

kardashian that are

multi millionaires

driving around at bentley’s and they do nothing and you

drive going

crazy and so you attack and so you

lose fucking your game is for faggots you eat shit

i hope you die in a fire

you know like whoa whoa whoa

we’re in the era of

the art of the meta celebrity man you don’t have to be

famous for anything you

could just be

famous from

being famous

you know what it is

it was angeline

the blonde you always used to have billboards

i’m repeat but

going to the continuation of that

right i mean it’s just like oh you know you just

want to be famous so you are right

it amazes me

right now how many celebrities

can bounce back from

doing anything right now

because america just loves a comeback

story right

you look at

charlie sheen you remember everyone forgets kim

kardashian had a hardcore sex tape out there

you’re like dude really like

there are little

girls out there that are looking up to her

right now i had a

buddy of mine recently who

actually finally

i’m sure this happens in la all the time but he

found an ex

girlfriend actually in a

random porn

video online

no way yeah and that’s

gotta be great

i want it to

happen one day i want to be able to just go my

feelings right

and it’s one of

those things like if you sit there like i say like

porn is like on the internet is like

a man who brought fractal

it just keeps

going and going and you can just keep the

and it’s never ending like when we were

growing up it was like

asia carrera and like a

ginger lynn

and then like

james and and then jannah

can’t you know i was

like the same 15 actors just repeated with different

spoofs of movies right

now it’s like

you can just go on there and it’s like

an infinite amount of girls and you’re like at what

point are you like alright so this is 1 000

and i don’t

think anybody’s ever

gonna see this and

his reaction man i felt so bad for

him and of course i teased him like nobody’s business

but i was like dude you’re getting your

chasing amy type of

girl next door type moment right like

he was just kind of crestfallen

about they didn’t even go out that long right

but the fact that you know at some

point he found this girl cool

thing hung out and then he finds a

video over on some

random internet site doing some bad cheerleader porn

and it’s just like

i’m just coming back who is this you’re talking about a

buddy of mine in town

you see people in a

in la i’m sure it’s a common

thing to like you know date a girl and then find out

later she’s a porn girl or she’s done

stuff like that but you know let’s see it that often in

outside of that

and i had a friend of mine recently happened to you

imagine in the mix of feelings he came

like of comedy of crestfallen

i’m like i’m like dude

did you rub one out to it

and he wouldn’t

admit to it

but the feeling he

would have of the like we were just saying to

brian about the chasing amy

girl next door type vibe

right or just like oh man

it’s kind of funny

i blame joe francis

hey what’s going on with the gears of war

movie they’re

still making that you guys

still making it

sorry it’s goodbye

optimus still working on it

learn a lot about how

filmmaking and how hollywood

never in the business works

right i mean you

really realized that it is very much a business

it’s annoying as fuck

right there’s

so many people with so many different opinions and you

gotta listen

to all of them well and it’s there people who just

might not even have an opinion but in

order to stay

relevant they

throw their money

here i’m only hearing out of one side

one side let’s see

test test oh

you know what i

think it reconnected

i think it’s just the base sorry

so what happens is it’s a business

like any other business

right and people want to make money and

often the people who

make the decisions are

often very rearward looking

like well i’m

looking at the last two years and according to this

movies with

monkeys and them do well so you need a

monkey and i’m not saying that’s my personal

experience that’s exactly what it is yeah

not for this

project but what happened was they had

they’re like okay want to do this big

you know we got

you know len wiseman attached

great guy amazing director

okay well great we you know we have a really good

script you know we

think we can dock this out

they looked at the

budget like okay so this is

120 million dollars estimated

and there’s no real love

story in here

it’s got to be rated r

cause you know if i show up at comic con

and we have a clip that

doesn’t have people getting cut in half

blood flying

everywhere they’re gonna tear

us limb from limb

and then there’s no little kid

jaden smith type

story in there like this just

doesn’t add up like this

has hit all the demographics

and i remember reading

story about

these guys who

kind of created a computer formula for it

where you could

literally plug in

the genre you

could plug in

the actors you plug the time of year it was

released the

various themes that are in it and they could

vegas type betting odds you could bet on whether or not

their production would actually make

money and they they make money doing this

right you’re at the

point where

absolutely yeah

and it’s it’s

and they’re saying well we won’t get the

matrix we won’t get the 300 out

of it but we’ll get you know some sort of will ferrell

comedy that

where he’s got

we’re doing a

wacky sport

and you get to the

point where

creativity sometimes

goes to die in that environment and for

now everybody wants to make a district 9

really like how

can we make something that only cost 60 million dollars

and then blows it out because everybody’s conscious

about how much

money they spent it’s

basic economics right

so i mean we’re

kind of redoubling

it doing something that’s a little bit

smaller we’re

recycling the script

project’s not dead man

but you know

are you doing it with live people

uh tbd man i mean

a lot of it depends on who gets attached as a director

things like that i mean i personally

would like to see live action

as little cg as possible

i would like cg people man

you know why your

people don’t look real

these motherfuckers their

giant heads what are you

gonna get brock

lesnar to play

every role dude

your dudes look like fake dudes they’re

not a lot of

not a lot of

thicknet guys like that that have that

level of charisma

to hold up on over there a two hour i’m

gonna work you

gotta go cgi son

and get some little geek

voices yeah geek dudes who are

crazy like steve

what’s up guys

they’re getting

closer with that but dude did

carry the guys don’t have to be that jack dude

like but your guys are so jacked

in gears of

war everyone’s jacked that’s part of the cool

thing about

it diesel to your average person in

pitch black looks jacked and he’s five foot two

and was maybe what

like when he

is now five two he’s a lot bigger than that

when i’ve seen him he was

short maybe i

think he’s only

six feet tall

i mean he’s friends of rico rodriguez

who used to be ufc


champion i met him at

maybe maybe it

was i caught

him in a bad

angle way bigger than me seems

short when i saw a man well i’m

short but he’s bigger than me

but though the bottom line is dude it’s more

about charisma than is

about muscles you get it’s always


correct look at the hulk

you can’t have a lou

ferrigno doing the hulk in

2010 we want that big fucking crazy cgi

that crazy hug

that fucking smack

dude there’s a huge deal

there’s a huge

deal between

marcus fenix and the hulk

his fists are as big as pickup the hulk’s head is

this big compared to his body

marcus fenix is jacked but he’s not like insanely

jacked he’s not even as jacked as the guy that comes

over muscle and fitness

magazine yeah he is

he’s just as jacked and his head’s

extra super wide

cause he’s a double

alpha the armor is

part of it dude yeah but his fucking head is

giant and he’s perfect

dude why fuck around man

listen dude get some

super duper fucking cgi

pimps on this shit

why you could

do anything man the

monsters and

everything at all

exist in the same world

not insane shit good luck

doing that for 60 million

oh is it too expensive

dude you know much avatar cost

it was insane

how much they cost

here’s a better 200

million plus trod cost

150 million

here’s a better idea that

your in game footage

movies like in your

video game are so good you

should have like sitcoms with

those guys going home

after work like

having a relationship like them at

the bar right

fucking do king of

queens king

of queens yeah

he gets home it takes

20 minutes to take off his armor

right oh god

just do it in game footage

stuff i’ve got

you know like a sitcom with all your characters in it

and they’re all like family guy

style they’re all friends they hang out and get

drunk it was a terrible

movie but it was

the moment you never get

seen a game

right yeah right

it was a terrible

movie but it was an interesting concept it was a

bruce willis

movie where

thing was called surrogate

did you say surrogates yeah it was really recent yeah

where everybody went up to

they they stayed at home

and then they had the younger version of them that all

exist in the

world yeah younger

perfect version they have this full head

of hair and perfect skin it was like kind of weird yeah

i’d him somehow

but they’re getting at the

point where they can kind of

track your body and then kind of cg over

in such an amazing way

right and i mean

you look at what they

were for tron

their recreating

kind of like jeff bridges

young right

yeah i was saying

looks a little bit more like gary oldman

than jeff i

haven’t yet

to see this yeah there’s

the look at all the posters for i mean

i’m dying to see the film man like

jeff bridges to me i thought it was pretty cool

jeff bridges gets cooler looking the

older he gets

have you seen the

trailer for true grit have

you seen him

naked yeah that

trailer looks awesome his face is just

talking about his face very

scary from those

he looks so just like awesomely grizzled right

he just loses

know where the fuck this came from

things sagging why is this bleeding it’s got

like skin tags

it’s just breaking left and

right he’s got did you see the

trailer for true grit though yes i did i did i saw

crazy heart too

yeah that was good yeah that was an interesting

movie man it was kind of cool i like sad

right but dude what’s sad but it was good

i mean there’s

the life lesson of being on the road that much right

loneliness right well it’s also the

partying man you know i’ve met

a million people that have problems with partying

with alcohol

especially but with coke and with a

bunch of different things

people that are performers they’re performing

all the time and they need to get up to perform

that’s the respect i have

i’ve done like the european

press tour for the games

where it’s five

european cities in five days and that just wrecks me

right i cannot imagine doing like

30 cities and 40 days

right like what it takes to

actually pull that off and to sit there and to show up

every night and to command a stadium

what does that do to you

how can you actually show up like that and then

at the end of

every night

there’s an infinite amount of

partying or just girls line up to just do whatever

in a different city and new people

experience all

think you’re gone

you really have to get back to your

hotel because you got to get up in the morning and five

hours go to your flight that’s

those are the ones you’re responsible

right yeah well it’s the reality is

those those two

like i only did one tour like that most of

time what i do with comedy is i go out on the weekends

and then i come home i go

out i go out for a couple days then i come home

but a lot of guys

will go out and they’ll do like you know i can know

while masjir brani

were talking

about he goes

out and he goes out for like a couple of weeks

three four weeks

but one time we did this maxim tour

and we were gone for like a

month yeah like a whole

month of just constantly doing gigs

and it’s a fucking

weird thing man it’s it’s not

how many cities

i think we did

twenty two dot

twenty two cities

twenty two and three days

do you have like a comedy bus or you

both we took a bus some

places most of the time we flew

but it was brutal man it was

weird it was horrible

all you’re doing is traveling

and then trying to get as much rest as possible

and getting on

stage and then

trying to get as much rest as possible and

traveling you

never get a full

night’s sleep

you’re always flying you’re always eating terrible food

it’s interesting

even though it’s fun your comedy gets tight you

should love

the way you

should love the waking up and

going where the fuck am i all the time yeah i’d

still do that

i do that so

often because i

travel so much like i get up to pee

and i go where’s this bathroom

where am i do you know my trick

leave the bathroom

light on close the door

that’s a good because when you don’t know

where the hell you are and you’re

you’re hey you

gotta go like you that

thing will be like this got the light

at the end of the

tunnel is a good

trick you learn

a little transport

motherfucker you

yeah i’ve had that happen that’s the

worst feeling in the

world weird

thing man but it’s a

hotel room you just pee on the

floor me and joe had like a

scare at a hotel

where we both thought we were

gonna die and we’ve talked

about it before but that really

changed the

whole thing for

hotels for me i actually fear

hotel half the

hotel rooms always

check always look out the like somebody

knocks the door always

look out the little law the people and there was a fire

yeah wasn’t it

what you know what the problem was it was an old hotel

it wouldn’t have been

nearly as much of a problem but there was a single file

staircase who

and we were on the

fifth i was on the 15th before you i was like

14th i think and

you know 12

and you could only get one person on the

staircase at a time and people were slow

as fuck and when

someone says

you feel that

you probably felt that people are

about to trample each other

at that threshold

right or just that instinct kicks in i was

like that kidding i’m the fucking head of the pack

i was the one to be running on people’s heads

i was seconds away from

sprinting through

these fucking

people me too

people with

slippers on man all ambient

up you can tell they were fucked up from

sleeping pills

and shit and they were moving slow as shit

and the problem is the announcement

like the lady on the

things like please

evacuate a building

of building a fire has been detected

please evacuate the

building immediately what time does it

have like 3 in the morning 4 30 4

30 yeah and

especially not knowing

where the hell you are it was like a robot

voice that woke

cause i was like attention

attention but it wasn’t i

hate your face it was a

woman it was a

woman talking because

while she was talking she was doing it so robotic

we were trying to

first of all we’re so foggy

and we’re trying to figure

out what why you know if this is really happening it

doesn’t seem like how you

would tell me

that the fucking

building’s on fire what you mean

get the fuck

out exactly

so this this chicks

a fire has been detected in the

building please

evacuate immediately

and i’m not sure if this

sounds like

robot portal

i don’t know if it’s a

robot or if it’s a real person

to evacuate the building

until i hear in the

background we got to get

these people out of here

shut there was a guy in the back behind

her there must have been like you know behind the

counter with her it’s like we got to get

these people out of here

and then what if it was

everybody like it was just a false

alarm and he’s decided

to fuck with everybody like no no it’s on the 12th

floor now we need to get him out i remember

thinking that i was

the same exact

thing as jokes we had talked

about it afterwards and i was

thinking the same

thing like i am

going to have to

start throwing people out of my way yeah

and then i looked at the windows like in the

stairways it was like

you see you

get off a plane

it just it just amazes

you and how

slow people can actually physically move like like that

plane that landed on the hudson a couple years ago like

i would have just crap my

pants over like get me off of this

right so many people dude are barely taking care of

their body barely

yeah they’re just barely barely

been next to that guy in the

plane he gives you the

extra elbow

rest yeah was

leaking over

under your seat mean we were thinking

about that when we were

we had ralphie on the podcast you mean

brian and ralphie barely sat in a

couch together

what happens if you’re on

southwest you

gotta sit next to him

no what’s her saying it’s all

about the lap band now

yeah what the fuck is the

laugh dude it’s

everywhere it’s on

every billboard

they’re so gluttonous

that you know

you know there was a

picture from a long time ago that the beginning of the

the 18th century

or the 19th century there was like a carnival

and they had the fat man

you know in the carnival

like a sideshow

freak the bearded

woman the fat man

and the fat man wasn’t nearly as big as

ralphime and

this guy was a

freak back then

because people had a fucking work

here there’s

not just that it’s moving but it’s also the average

american diet

the average american diet likes

three flavors fat

sugar and salt

right that everywhere you’re

trained we have an entire

generation of kids that will not eat food without

ketchup on it

like they just won’t they just have to

catch up in the end and

catch up chicken fingers

and it’s like dude heaven forbid you take them out like

and i’ll give him some fish or try a

curry or something like this

no no it’s just and then

you think about mcdonald’s

get him young

right yeah well the thing is

about like this lap band

thing what’s really creepy

about is all you’re doing is making the stomach

smaller so that you get full quicker

so all you have to do is just stop eating so much

but it’s not

it’s that simple but it’s hitting your dopamine

receptors and you’ve been

trained for that that’s the only

thing you know

we talk about

can you can

you but does the restaurant get a half portion

please like it’s huge now

right but when

you’re filling up and you have this lap band

thing so you have this tiny baby fake stomach now

and that little

fake stomach’s filling up do you does your dopamine

receptors go off do you get rewarded

those are the chemicals that say i’m

full right and

what do they work and yeah

dude it’s on

every billboard

apparently the

surgery is not invasive enough that it’s the point

it’s gonna be like you

watch people get

their lap and installed in the mall like

laser eye surgery

right like i do that dental

wide and get your lap and

while you’re at it

right you know but isn’t it like a

a shitty fix to a problem that’s obviously

a lifestyle and diet problem somebody saw profit

right and yeah

i mean that’s true i mean obviously it’s like the

shake weight

yeah well huh

what’s so weird though is like when

you talk to somebody that’s like insanely obese they

act like it’s

i know he’s

drunk she’s

drunk slut don’t do that

she’s not really

drinking it she’s just licking the bottle

she licks the bottle

she’s used to

licking cylindrical

things in your home

but it’s like you talk to

these people and they’re always like and i don’t

even know what the problem is it’s thyroids it’s this

that i’m on a diet

but then you hear the

other stories

where like no dude he went to jack in the box and

pretty much

ordered like 13

hamburgers i honestly

think it’s the same

thing as the guy who just works out to the

point where he looks like he’s just comedic

i think it’s an addiction

yeah i honestly

think it is

yeah i guess so but that’s a little more of that’s

a different kind of totally different kind of craziness

yeah you know the

crazy the fat craziness is just like

they’re just trying to die or something

you know i have a friend who just i know

has like a massive

food addiction

and just anytime

he’s around fast food

he can’t drive by a jack in the box

he’s gonna go in and just

cause you’re

trained at a

young age to

enjoy those flavors also man it’s a

stealth calorie

thing also yeah

but he’s got enough

i mean he knows he’s fat he’s out

talks about it he’s trying to do

things and never has done anything and

if you know in your head

that you should

stop doing this and you have a problem

it’s very strange that you can’t rewire your brain

to recognize that like oh this is something i’m

aware of now

now i just need to stop

so once people get set on a certain path

then at a certain

point they just go

right breaking that

cycle is the hardest

thing right but why does that

exist the big question is why is that in our system

why is it the same

thing that allows us to get obsessed with

things and get really good at things

is it like a bastardization how do

we all know what

hoarders are now my grandma was a hoarder when she died

my uncle wound up having to

clean out her

place i remember as a kid

going to visit her

and she would have

stacks of national geographic five feet high

with her goat paths we’d have to

navigate you go to the bathroom to pee

and her bathtub was used

to have bags of

clothes in it she like

never really

we always wondering why grandma

smelled sweaty you know

she wouldn’t didn’t wear deodorant joe my

grandmother was what

your your grandmother didn’t wear deodorant

up clearly not why not

maybe she just didn’t

think it was okay to plug up her armpits with

stuff i’m interested well i wear

deodorant i just don’t wear antiperspirant

right i didn’t

one thing is just

smell i was

just giving a shit man stopping the

my grandmother was

completely crazy

my grandmother when she died was exactly the same

thing they had

a they had a

clean out hurt my

uncle i think it’s control

things our brother

right you ever

watch borders

yes usually the husband obsession

thing the husband some

train wreck and

something’s gone

south so it’s this one thing that

they can control

in their life right

maybe but she was insane

about a bunch of different

things the whole

house was just

stacks of boxes and no one knew

where anything and it’s

never anything

valuable it’s usually just no she had a lot of

money that she didn’t even probably know she had

like 30 000 were

stored in the

house some ridiculous number and they were broke

and it was really because she had

grown up in the recession and

when you grow

up in the recession you’re like constantly

worried that you’re

gonna run out of

money so yeah

that’s that’s

that’s our parents and our

grandparents are always like no you’re

gonna finish that you’re

gonna take that home

yeah and this current

generations like a

screw it i don’t need it

right she had an aneurysm she forgot where

everything was

so she had all

these fucking cans around the

house and nobody found

until she died

she was like 12 years

she was crazy

yeah they gave her 72

hours to live

she had a massive aneurysm and nobody

found her for a long time i

came outside and she was just jacked

and so they brought her into the hospital and

they were like you know

maybe she’s got 72

hours maybe

she lived 12 years wow

sicilian peasant

jeans bro yeah

die harder yeah

karen rocks up hills

for generation

after generation josh ortega he

wrote a gears to had one

point where he was an

apartment manager at

apartment and he got a

phone call that this person had the strange

fluid like that they assumed there was a sewer leak

above them or something like that

dead person yeah yeah

he called in like it was a cop or some sort of

cleaner guy he touched it

smelled he’s like

you got death

above you the

guy had died

and bloated

and actually soaked through boy

and once they took the body out josh actually had to

clean like all that out but you

can’t clean the ceiling you have to cut it out

does it suck through the fucking

plastic that

smell does not go away

right yeah it’s in the wall

board yeah it’s leaking through the wall

board you got a

body and your ceiling

would you live somewhere like a

place that that somebody’s been murdered at

no you wouldn’t no i don’t think i

would and you know one of the reasons why i don’t

think i would

is i really honestly believe that there’s something to

i think was rupert shell

drake who’s an

evolutionary biologist

had this idea that

everything has some sort of a memory

i believe it was his idea

that memory

doesn’t just

exist in the

human mind but that

objects and

things have memory and the

world around you

and that’s one reason why you can come into certain

buildings and creepy shit has happened there

you know people are fucking

flakes man people will tell you they

could read their paw your palm or

i sense you’re

a good person there’s a lot of weirdos that talk

crazy spiritual talk

but there’s

something in

california there’s

for sure right everybody

out here wants to be special without working for it

but for sure there’s something

about feelings

you know there’s some feels that you get for some

places and so many people have had

gone it’s like

a house where someone’s

been murdered and no one even has to tell them

and they feel terrible

about the house and the

house is a nice house

there’s been so many stories

about something like that i

just thought the wallpaper is

so bad that

somebody had a murder somebody in there

dude you know what i

think ghosts aren’t just

there aren’t just


these things that

exist around you i

think it’s like a memory

right as far as a

there’s this awesome game

system shock 2

did you ever play it and

basically you had

these implants

that allowed you to see the memories of people

right before they died and you

come up it was a

great storytelling

thing because

there were ghosts

you couldn’t interfere with the cutscene you couldn’t

shoot the guy before he did the thing

you just saw the last

eight seconds of his life play out

and he came up

this elevator

shaft and this guy in

front of you

standing there with a shotgun he’s like i’m sorry

the space station’s

gone to hell i can’t deal with this you know

ellie and the kids

forgive me you see him put the gun in his

mouth and it

phases out well

they use that throughout

right as an amazing

storytelling technique

right that’s a good idea

it’s classic

stuff man right

that brought it back to gaming

right there did you see that mario kart

started that

with the ghost around the track yeah

that’s exactly what that was

now you compete

against yourself right

exactly dude

now we’re all

figuring out how to

basically have

different type of events happen online you know like

angry birds you were saying now they’re doing like

the holiday

edition right

but they’re handling it

right too man

those people didn’t charge anything

for that game and then they’ve been updating it

you know patching it i would

if i finished

angry birds and then there’s a

screen come up this

came up and said hey you can have 30 more

levels for 30

bucks that would have been like yes yes

my first born please

they’re treating it

right though and i mean is

is that how they do it yeah they make money see

they get it they sold the game

first they’re giving a lot of weight for free

right now but

weren’t you

just saying that they have some like 99 cent

eagle that’ll take out the

whole level for you that they’ve been planning

but they have that and they also

had like the halloween pack and then they also have

this whole new christmas

pack and they’re not giving you can’t just play all the

levels it’s

an advent calendar soon you can only play one

level on each day right

so you can’t just burn through them all in one

night but it’s

such a well designed game that you’re just

gonna keep coming back

right totally

so simple perfect kind of ios

gamers do do do do do

definitely tap and

swipe baby that’s the way to go

everything’s turning into applications too have you

noticed that nowadays

you’re not paying money for

magazines you’re not paying for

money for this

and that you’re now having applications and

apps are just

fancy programs

right that are just

that are just well

maintained well maintained

personal you’re taking

these apps with you on the road a lot of people are

concerned though on the internet

right now that like it’s not it no longer is a

series of linked websites it’s a

siege it’s facebook it’s

these various kind of silos of information

where it’s all

self contained

within that right

the thing that

again i like facebook i

think it’s cool you know i like

stalking people i went to high

school with it’s cool

at the same time

like the fact that

every website i go to now has like

facebook integrated now

right we’re like i don’t necessarily

want somebody knowing i go to one website accidentally

click like yeah

right right

and then it broadcast

cuz you know

and comments you can make comments on these

oh absolutely

and you do it through your facebook

yeah log in your facebook i’m like wait a minute

where’s my password

going how do you know what’s

going on i’ll

never for you connecting

i’m allowing you to connect through

my facebook so here’s a question for you okay if you

could have perfect

memory like day to day you will remember

everything when you were 10 years old

every single day

but it had advertising in it

would you do it

it already did dude

that’s fascinating

that’s a very good question so like you

can be like i

wanna go from august 4th 1974

3 pm they’re like okay this is sponsored by gecko

who you know

go to gecko com and you’re like fine fine whatever

and then you’re like bam

now you have

that day in

front of you like on

video of course for sure

cause we’re all

about memories right

no doubt or that thought at

least you would

definitely but then you

would say well

where is this stored is this non

local no no no

it’s like divvik

circuit city yeah that’s the same

thing there’s a

story on io

mine that pull up this shit on my own

they’re able

to surgically kind of remove certain memories from mice

yeah they’ve

started to come through some of the

technology like

eternal sunshine

of the spotless mind so if you’re a ptsd sufferer

and you have traumatic

events in afghanistan they can surgically remove the

stuff that happened to you so that you could

move on since

right yeah but

what if there’s

some dude that you fucking hate in afghanistan all

sudden you’re in new york and he sees you like

your mother fuck

and you’re like i don’t even know this dude

right you know that’s not cool

yeah this guy

would hate you and he’d

be following you around you’re like what is this dude’s

deal or you

get out of a

bad relationship and you killed everyone he knows man

and he made me make the iron man outfit

right yeah you

get out of bad relationship and meanwhile she

still remembers you and she’s fucking

sharpening up her daggers yeah she’s like

traveling over the country she’s trying to

find you now the condom can

break to get you arrested for

she’s got all sorts of outfit she’s like

blade and shit she’s got a

trench coat filled with weapons

going to take you out

but i mean that

the fact that they’re

starting to make

these breakthroughs right

yeah there’s the

breakthrough nanotechnology that happened i

think it was

about a year ago

where they were able to figure out

how to actually have

cells that were bonded in an ejection that

would actually then melt

a tumor that was a

tumorous growth

without any sort of radiation

treatment or

anything like that

right it’s just

we’re right in the verge

right now right like

of so many diseases and

everything like that like it

might actually happen within our lifetimes and forget

about your kids and it’s not just happening in

technology it’s happening in space

like all the shit that they’re finding out about

space as well are

you following

any of the astronauts in the international

space station on twitter

no there’s that guy who

dig up his name

he’s been just tweeting

photos of like amazing like like sun

or you know

sunsets from from

space from the

space station like somehow

they hooked up you know as an internet

connection up there and he’s like we

have wi fi in space

he does man

he’s like hey look

at this look at

this is names

i guess that you

sound sochi

naguchi it’s a

oh yeah at astro

s o i c h i

he’s got three hundred thousand followers and he’s like

hey look we’re taking off and go to the

space station

and he’s just got this following and like he’s making

space travel cool

again right

whereas you joke

about kids who want to be

mma fighters

video game designers

now this guy’s doing that for the job

right which i

think is really cool

what do you think

about space porn

yeah i actually

do follow that guy i have seen some of his cool

stuff i forgot i follow

so many people i forgot

they compile

it on the huffington post once in a

while you just look at it just

scroll through

just like this is amazing there’s so many

things that are just so

crazy that are

not even understood

about this world

the whole like

arsenic based life form

stuff that came out with three yeah

do you know what they

found out that that was bad science

really yeah that was very poorly written in that

nasa rushed

to try to get this

press conference or this

press release out there before it got

really reviewed by all the

right people

and there’s a

ton of criticism all over the internet

that what they did was

they drew some really unscientific

conclusions and

and kind of

it’s not disproven

completely but it’s not proven either

it’s not ready yet

and it’s kinda like

the edge of

contact where they’re not

really sure if jodie foster really went to the other

world there’s some nutty shit

going on man have you

heard about this new

object that they

found outside of

pluto that’s jupiter sized

and really just out of nowhere

way the fuck out there

probably as far or more

from jupiter as we are from jupiter

or excuse me from

pluto rather as we are from pluto

and it’s outside of

pluto and it’s gigantic

they don’t know what it is they have no idea

where it is exactly

but they know there’s something out there

pretty sure well i know you’ve probably talked

about this in your

because you’re big on aliens the

whole idea of stephen

hawking was saying like

know if aliens actually find us

first then it’s

gonna be a situation

where we’re the native americans

and then it’s everybody else coming over from europe

and that didn’t turn out very well

or were monkeys

we’re not even native americans man

native americans were at

least human

you know i mean if

something is a million years more advanced than us it’s

gonna be like us collecting bugs

like i said

your kids are probably

gonna live to be

150 plus it’s not

to see the city not you

if not you yeah

who knows man who knows what the fuck is

going on the the

breakthroughs they’re coming to live to one

fifty working

video games

would you stress

yeah maybe you’ll just kick back and go jay z

style once you you know

compile all your

money do do do

yeah that’s a problem

because the developers

the people who have the

money are the people who put up the money

and those are the people that make all the

money is that what’s going on

and that it’s

much harder for the developers to go jay z

style it is yeah

well you get to the

point where it’s so hard for one person to really

break out and do something

especially the aaa space

you’re seeing

where used games

and rentals are eating up so much of the market

that for somebody to spend

millions and millions of dollars to

make a game and then to actually launch it with all the

marketing is a huge risk and then so a lot

of people are running to mobile they’re running to all

these different kind of

places right

but i would

think that at a certain

level like your level

when you have a certain

reputation behind you

that it might be easier for a

bunch of people to come to you and say listen man

you’re a proven commodity why don’t you get your team

and we’ll give you guys a

cut of the publishing hypothetically i knew at an early

age that by doing the pr

and being able to have a little bit of a theater

background and go on

stage this stuff

would get me a certain amount of

leverage and then by working with

talent to people and making

great games i have

built a brand for myself

so hypothetically i

could probably go

knock on a lot of publishers

store tomorrow be like just give me a

bunch of money let me

build a team do whatever i want

the problem is

epic takes good care of me

and i work with everybody and i get do the shit i want

and i you know i’ve got a

great setup so

why fuck with

it for something that may or may not work out right

that explosion was

brian fucking around in the background

what do you

think that the

world’s coming to an end

what do you

think the current

lifespan of the consoles are like

until the new we

for the first time ever in

video games we’ve just gotten past the five year life

cycle yeah it seems like i think

a reason yet is

i think for

a lot of people graphics are cool good enough yeah

right and like

what if you were to put something new on tv that’s

what is the current

state of the art

versus the latest

playstation xbox game

would it pass the mom test

would your mom look

at that and go to that looks amazing compared to that

maybe maybe not give it a couple years yes

right so right now

maybe it’s good

enough you know you have all the motion controls and

everything like that they can kind of keep everybody

occupied what do you

think the next

thing is what do you

think is just

gonna be faster and bigger or do you

think there’s

gonna be the 3d

more ingrainally yeah my personal

opinions fast as hell

avatar style

graphics avatar

level of graphics

something that is always connected to the internet

is it ever going to come to a time

where that’s easier to do than it is now

in regards to

technology building it creating it

well there’s

things like

there’s ways that

you can procedurally create content

right like will wright did

spore where

like a lot of

the textures

were automatically created so we figured out what

an algorithm

would be for

grass and wood and

things like that and there’s a huge

not a huge but there’s a subset

of people that work in that

technology like

okay just hit a button and just generate

fifty types of wood for me so we don’t actually have to

build it right

then you get

to the point

where there’s

a certain library of do i really need to remodel the

couch for the

eight billionth time

like work smarter not harder

right figure out ways to use modular architecture

do you really need

fifty columns of

different types or you can just spit them all out right

the key is gonna be

figuring out you know like

how to craft that within a certain

financial model

that’s the billion dollar question

how do you provide

aaa content that makes

sense right like how do you remain

profitable well there eventually you

think would be

software that

makes it easy like the average person can create games

that’s what we do that’s half of our business

you could go to

udk com and download the same

exact stuff we use to

build our games really for free

so anybody can for free go and take your

technology and make

their own game they can

the problem is of course if you

start making

money with it then you have to talk to us

about officially

licensing it wow

that’s pretty fucking that’s how it works actually

never really knew that but

the reason why this is smart

is because you have so many college campuses

out there that want to find a solution how do we

train college kids

to learn how to use this

technology but how

hard is it how hard is your

builder like

is it a hard

builder killed for

these tools when i was 17

yes that they’re not

you know making games hard right like

stuff to know what to do but

if i was myself 17

i would have been able to do such

crazy shit i had to

learn visual

basic and get a programmer

the programmer

i did jazz jackrabbit with back in the day is the

guy who works on killzone now wow yeah it’s just one of

those weird

professor act

magneto type situations right

he’s cool guy

great dutch dude

um but yeah like you can just go download it now and

start building a game so get

these kids to

tweet me all the time

how do we get

the business how do we get the business i’m like go to

udk download it and

start building something

figure out what you’re good at and work your

ass off and be better than everybody else we’ve been

playing that hard shaft

i mean my mine

shaft game that’s on those

holy floridian

yeah slip there brian

kidding fuck is

wrong with you son

a big black dog is it king kong

it’s minecraft right

so have you been playing that at all i

heard that it’s the

first pc game i paid

money for in years really alright so we almost

got through this

whole episode without anybody talking

about big black dick wow

i apologize

that was a horrible slip

that’s like one of

those where

he brought up big

black dicks though it’s almost like it’s impossible

it’s like it’s embedded into our

system yeah

we attract dick talks

weave through

the dna the

black kind so is it

mineshaft how do i okay i’m

gonna go from big

black clocks to minecraft

minecraft it’s not even

shaft so it’s

this game joe this kid

this kid decided to make this game out of his garage

and he’s making god

i don’t even know the numbers he’s making

money handover fist

and it’s basically a

world where you

initially start off and you can

build cubes of different

materials in

front of you

and then build anything you want

basically so imagine

building 3d

pixels and there’s people who have

built like the

earth in this game

right and then there’s

this mode where

night time comes and

you have to eventually figure out how to survive your

first night and

start building like a workbench and

build all these different

things and it

starts getting deeper and deeper i

haven’t gotten

too deep into it but it’s become this kind of

phenomenon he’s talking

about valve

about doing something with it

and what you see

right now is

these kind of little

micro developers who are having

success right

the guy who did

braid jonathan blow you have the team who made portal

was like a handful

of kids who made an independent game that then they

started working with

valve right

the guy who did limbo

the team who did limbo they were at the independent

games festival we saw that and were like this game is

great and then

every time i love supporting

these indie kids

cause you never know

like what’s

gonna come out of them

cause they can

often take risks that we can’t

cause you know they’re

in their garage and they’re

building in how

hard would it be for someone to make a

movie with your game engine

pretty easy

really yeah

wow yeah whoa

they call it machinima

oh yeah mash

ma yeah i’m

going to the awards ceremony

yeah they call it

spell that i always call it mashima

but i don’t know mash

you know it’s the art of

the art of machinima

it’s the art of a

virtual camera

right that’s ch i


ma s s l i t

i’ve seen some old ones

done with old game engines that looked really hokey

that’s good but the game engines of

today they’re so sophisticated

yeah that was what red

vs blue was

right that was that whole web

series that became huge

these guys the

halo characters and they just made him talk of

these incredibly

funny situations

you need to have a sitcom of your characters having

wives and stuff in that form

we will absolutely do that in our

spare time yes no no

you just hired two

high school

and efforts and

it’s hired two high

school kids

to do it yeah

when you give them

supervised a week

they’ll have the

marine guys pulling

their assholes

apart and the goatse

pose you know

the beauty of so many of

those internet memes is i

could sit there eating a

giant bowl of cereal and just

watch it and not even

care because it’s been sent to you so many times right

that’s true

and that’s the other

thing you know we were talking

about kids getting

freaked out by

all the the the

input that they have today

they’re just

gonna get desensitize a little

quicker than us

if you can handle it kids can handle it just

gonna be trickier

trigger in the beginning but i will tell you

bringing it full circle like

every time i see real life like you

know violence in

front of me

see somebody get hit at a bar it makes me nauseous

really yeah

it does my problem is i’m you so used to it

right i see people get beat up and it’s so normal

my wife cut her head

and she opened up

the back of her car you know

the hood and banged her head on it she accidentally

and she that

skull bled no it wasn’t that bad but

started bleeding did i talk

about this already no

it started bleeding

and i just looked it

up yeah it’s

well cut you

no for her it’s like this traumatic thing

and i’m like they’re not even

gonna stop this

fight this is nothing

you know she’s

gonna tap out this is

ridiculous this is barely a cut

like there’s only got

facial wounds

bleed a lot you know i’m like

thinking shit i

might have to

take her to the hospital for this little baby cut

is she gonna

freak out or she

gonna let me

stick like crazy glue in there and glue it together

that’s what i would do

those my head i’d be like just drop some

crazy husband and

husband at least

that shit right here dude

that’s what they do man quit crying you pansy

cuts when you get cuts they put

crazy people

on it they push it together it’s a little one yeah

it’s been some dinner granny

but it’s so funny

my point is i’m so used to trauma

i’m so used to like dudes getting

punched in the face and well you have that kind of

fighting upbringing constantly dude

again it comes back to boston

once there’s that but there’s also working for the

ufc for over a thousand

fights being

three feet away from

these murderers

these fucking

trained killers

punting each

other in the head

you know i mean i’ve

seen so many dudes just get fucking flatlined what’s

the what’s the lifespan of a

fighter with the amount of head damage

everything right it’s

a good question

i don’t think we know no i’m not saying lifespan

i’m saying as far as like how long can you actually

fight before it

starts to become an abuse

have you seen

quite as it

becomes like a visible

issue like you

start to see

things get a little off i have seen guys go from being

absolutely normal to

absolutely not normal yeah

absolutely normal to frightening

i’ve seen that i’ve seen the full spectrum

yeah it’s very shocking

and i’ve seen also guys like

randy couture

who get out of it with not a

not a single problem

you know and

randy is so

it’s super lucid

you talk to him he’s very intelligent very

aware and he’s been

knocked out a couple of times he’s recognized how to

build a brand though right

well it’s also he’s a

smart guy he

doesn’t take unnecessary punishment some guys

they try to be more

exciting so they’ll take unnecessary punishment

they’ll like

they won’t fight strategically

they’ll fight like in an aggressive

style and an attempt to overwhelm

this person with

their physicality

and when you do that you know it makes for

exciting fights for the fans

but it’s very dangerous for you it’s very dangerous

for your long term mental health

that’s a management issue

you’d assume i mean

fighters have

their managers who kind of advise them on

these impossible you can’t tell a guy what to do

there’s no way he’s

not gonna listen to you if he’s the guy who wears his

underwear when

he gets in that fucking cage and they shut that door

he’s not gonna listen

yeah the fighters will

take they’ll take direction as far as

coaching they’ll take direction as far as technique

they’ll take direction as far as you

know they have a guy that they really

trust and he

raises them correctly and

trains them to be a good fighter

they’ll go out there

with a healthy respect for

the art form and they’ll go out there and do it right

but if you get a guy

and he just that’s

how he develops he develops and like this is his style

and then you try to

coach him it’s like

you know good luck

that’s what you

do tricks that

we so see some

fighters and all they want to do is brawl

and they brawl

every fight

and then you see

other fighters

where they skillfully

avoid strikes take the guy down strangle them

you never see

very rarely i

should say i

wouldn’t say never

you very rarely

see someone go from being the meathead brawler

to being the

super intelligent

ultra skilled

technician that

gets through a

fight and takes

no damage yeah imagine you want to be surgical

about it right

you should yeah well you should

treat it like what it is it’s a martial

art and it’s a game and the game is do punishment

without getting punishment done to you be superior in

every single aspect of the game

be able to force your will

on that person

that’s the intelligent part about it

but you know

it’s also when you get

fight of the

night bonuses

and you want to make the

crowd cheer

and get that adrenaline going

and a lot of guys

they love to say they finish

fights they go out there and they

put it on the line and it does make for a more exciting

fight that’s

absolutely true

but i had this

exact conversation with a guy

named john donnaher

who is this

pretty infamous

jujutsu instructor

really super

super smart guy

and he and i both agreed that the most important

thing is even though it’s good to be

exciting as a

fighter it’s good to you know

it’s good to

please the crowd and it makes the

sport more popular and

everything i absolutely

agree with that too but

the most important

thing is to be

very skilled and to be the most

skilled and do the

exact right

thing that you’re supposed to be doing in order to

apply damage but take little in return

and when you

take unnecessary risks and you do something in

an unsmart manner

you’re degrading your art you’re

watering down your purpose you’re doing something

that’s not the

optimal way to do it it’s not the artistic way to do it

you’re not fighting it correctly

you know it’s like riding a wave

when you get off that wave what do you want

to do you want a face plan to the rocks of course not

no you want to

write you want to ride that

bitch and be perfect that’s the way it does

i can’t speak of it man it’s just it’s

a world that set my own

so alien yeah

it’s alien to me and i’ve done martial arts my

whole life but i’ve

never fought in the ufc yeah

you know and being around

over at least a thousand

fights you know

yeah but we were talking about like

guys like you know like being used to

trauma i’m way too used to

trauma yeah

i’m so normal

for me i’ve

been at bars and dudes are beating the fuck out of each

other i’m like yeah

these guys hit each other yeah

keep your hands up dude you know i’m a fucking pussy

that’s the irony

right is like you know we do

these games of these

for your badass guys

just you know tearing arms off be people

death of it and like

you see anything in real life and it’s just like oh

jesus i get some getting sick right

well that’s a good question man so like

what do you

think about this

whole debate

that you know

this this i think it’s

pretty silly and

kind of like not

not well thought out

this idea that violent games make people violent

i don’t think that’s true i think

whatever happened to crazy

first and foremost

right it’s a chris rocks kind of

thing about it

i honestly think it’s a situation

that they relieve more stress than they cause yeah

it’s a cathartic

thing like and there’s a certain

sick type of mind that’s

drawn to a certain type of

entertainment that was just

predisposed to that

right yeah and that person sick period yeah

and you’re not

gonna get it’s always the what violent games was

hitler playing

right that kind of

thing right it’s just like dude i mean

right we cannot create a society

based upon a lowest common denominator of

entertainment thank you

right like a

scene or anything or anything it’s

there’s entertainment for kids is

entertainment for

adults and that’s the way the

world works i mean it

should be that way with

everything access to information you know propaganda

you can’t you can’t like

program society

for the lowest common denominator

well that’s what you’re doing if you’re not

allowing intelligent people are not

going to be affected if you’re trying to restrict

their access to

things like

video games and i personally

think the market will bear

what the market will bear right like

you look at what we do with the stylized violence of

these big giant guys in

space armor ripping the arms off lizard men

if you there’s a game

about a guy

on flatbush avenue with the yankees

hat pulling off the arm of somebody else with the red

sox hat like in it was depicted real like be kind like

but then the violence in

grand theft auto on the

other hand plays very

well because it’s done within the context of the story

or it’s done


where you’re running over a hooker something like that

right it’s all

people if people are

but when you

say that the okay but

but what if

their government

steps in i mean there’s been many times

where there’s been talk about


the content of

video games and making sure that there’s rules

what you can and can’t

do there are already rules though that’s the thing that

people forget is the fact that there’s

rating system

there’s a rating

system there’s a parental restrictions on the consoles

which are very easy to set

and there’s

also the fact that the games cost a certain amount of

money in order to get access to

there’s multiple gateways there that are in

place and on

top of all of that there is of course the parenting

issue but is there a situation like there is with

movies where they tell you hey you can’t release this

unless you cut out

a bunch of shit or it’s

gonna be like x ray it is

that an x ray

it is reviewed right

it is viewed

by the effect

is there an

nc 17 or something

you can get an

adults only rating but it’s the

curse it’s a kiss of

death much like the

nc 17 whereas you know you’re not

gonna be at walmart you’re

not gonna be in

you can mass

effect isn’t that at walmart mass

effect or whatever the one with the prostitution and

add and that was

which will have

mass effect

mass effect

did have some

sex type question it but there’s i don’t know

i don’t think there’s prostitution in any mess now

it’s kind of amazing that you can have

chainsaws in the end of your gun

where you can cut people in half but you can’t fuck

that’s well that’s america that’s amazing

that thing or something like that you think

all right we’re back okay anyway

it’s rough being this cat we’re gonna have to

split this up this audio is

split up i’ll put it together this is the end you’re

a master you know the fuck you’re doing

this is the end dumb dumb

friend the end

the real cliffy b

on twitter thank you very much man

it was a lot of fun like i was saying before we cut off

we covered everything man we

covered the universe we

covered video game development we covered

greedy cunts

black cocks

brian’s hoard

dog what else

anything else i’m sorry

about my hoard

dog what else

angry birds

angry birds the universe

the galaxy fighting bleeding

technology with super glue

and dude come to town once more than

every once every five years it’s tough

to get to raleigh

charlotte you

charlotte it’s

tough yeah well

maybe i’ll do charlie goodnights again yeah

it was yeah but

you know what the problem is too many goddamn hecklers

that’s why i stopped

going there

there’s too many really

you can always handle

them dude it was brutal

the last time

i was there was just people talking just do matt

nade shows i

mean this is a fun club though

great owners too

anyway ladies and gentlemen that’s it

thank you very much

cliffy b flashlight

yes thank you

thank you to the

flashlight for

sponsoring the show you can go to

flashlight com

and if you go to joerogane

net there’s a link that takes you to

flashlight com and you type in

the keyword

rogan the promo code and you get 15

off and then you can beat off like a fuckin

savage like a man

alone in the ocean

trying to figure out how to get by all you got is

cans of dried fish and

some rainwater that you’ve collected

and a flashlight get enough spit

and you’re hallucinating

because your fucking

skin is getting cooked off by the sun

you ain’t got no sunscreen

stupid your dog is just walking all over me so rude

that’s the end of the show

ladies and gentlemen

thank you very much next week

um it looks like we’re probably

gonna get greg fitz

and two months ago on oh cool

um and who knows what we got

still gotta get

brian post saying

i still gotta call bobby lee

we got a lot of shit happening people

thank you very much for

tuning in and we

appreciate all

the positive energy and all the support and all the

i appreciate all the people appreciating the

podcast it’s awesome and all the people on twitter and

facebook and

all you people

out there sucking cock in the streets good for you

good for you

for you wikileaks baby

it’s all gonna get interesting

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