The Joe Rogan Experience #62 - Duncan Trussell


the joe rogan experience

that’s that’s the

music that’s the opening music

because uh me and duncan trestle

are flying to the fucking sky

right now ladies and gentlemen hello hello

we are uh this is worth attempting to do a podcast

from a plane

and we were just having this intense conversation

we dropped an edible about an hour ago yeah

about an hour ago

and i think it’s just starting to kick in

and the conversation was

mostly about the origins of creativity and the

the the sort of non

local feeling when

when you come

up with ideas when you really tap into ideas how

you’re not it’s not really you doing it it’s like

you’re you’re an antenna

right yeah it’s like you’re you’re

tuning into something that’s out there

what’s the word for no i’ve

heard this weird new

age word for it too and i can’t remember

one that uses one that everybody likes to use for

creativity no some kind of like universal library

or something there’s a name for it some kind of like

there’s like some universal

matrix of information

that’s non local that

mystics tune

into and channel and that’s kind of the source of

i don’t know the

majority of like the real religions out there or what

causes religion

well we got on the subject because duncan has

plans for an isolation tank in his new place

and we were talking

about how the

thing about the tank one of the reasons why you

could be so creative in there

is that you really kind of lose the

whole idea of you

when you can’t see yourself

you know you don’t

nobody else sees you

you’re in total darkness and

total silence

and you can’t feel your body and you have no sensory

input coming in

it’s very difficult to

think of yourself

as oh i’m a red sox fan or you know hey you know

you know me

i’m a democrat till i die

you know you

start you start

thinking you

start and instead

kind of considering the ideas and considering life

you know for what it really is

there’s something

about it just to being

alone like that there just

strips away all the bullshit you know yeah everything

in your waking environment

is an affirmation of whoever you

think you are

you know like when you look at people’s isn’t that the

weirdest thing when you go to someone’s house

and you see all this

stuff on the wall like it’s like

to remind themselves of what they are like

pictures of

their family like they’re

gonna forget that or like

someone will have like an oil

painting that’s the

worst thing i saw

i went to someone’s house

they had an oil

painting of them

with their wife on the mantle

but it’s like what do you need to do you need

to be reminded of what’s happening or what’s the idea

why are you doing that i can see that they just want

to like see it and get a good feeling of

their loved ones on the wall

i could see both ways i

could see that being like sort of a positive

thing like they

appreciate those people

and so they get a little

positive feeling

every time they see him on the wall

but i could also see it’s like

they do it because

everybody else is doing and look at my beautiful

house look at my

how did i get here

we we’ve got a picture of

on our refrigerator one picture

of someone’s

daughter i can’t i don’t even know

who she is now but it’s just this one little girl on an

empty refrigerator it’s the

creepiest thing ever

but yeah we’re

gonna we wanna put

on our cause we have a

space that’s like a mantle area

and we’ve been trying to figure out what to put there

cause we just

moved in and we’re

gonna put one of those like

cheesy football posters that say

pride or discipline

just to confuse everybody

cause it just

doesn’t make

sense why we

would have that

those are awesome

those are so off faith

yeah believing

what is they always had this i was at a weed

store the other day

and in the back room they had ten of them on the wall

and i couldn’t read them

but it was all like passion

and it showed like a guy

running near a mountain you know it’s like what


there’s an eagle coming in for a kill like

but i mean i get i

get the idea of you wanting to be inspired and you know

i enjoy being inspired

but there’s something

about people that only post

cool shit that

other people say

like god damn

it don’t you have any cool shit of your own

with your own

thing yeah i like

i like when someone post a cool oscar wild

quote or something like that

but at a certain

point in time like i need you to say something too

i need to know who you are you’re not just

a jumble of

quotes oh i deserve to get

oscar wild quote uh

success isn’t enough

friends must fail haha

oh oh how many people are like that

i i a lot a lot of people like that man

there’s a lot of people that

secretly want you to

crash into the rocks oh yeah you can always tell

cause their ears perk up when you talk

start talking about something bad happening to you yeah

yeah there’s people when you

start talking

about some disaster that happened in your life

they’re like a dry plot of land that’s getting

water for the first time just soaking it in like yeah

come on go on oh that sounds terrible

what else happened

and they can’t wait to go home and tell

their girlfriend

about your failure

and eventually

she’ll go and

break up with you and then she’ll be talking

about how you got into talking

about everybody’s failures

but you wouldn’t deal with your own bullshit

over and over and over

again and on and on and on

until you rot of cancer you fuck yeah

called the evil eye

it really is that’s real man

that’s what it is the negative energy is so real when

it comes from people like the whole idea

sounds so hippie

but i’ve been

around so many times i’ve been around people

where i felt shitty

because i was around them

cause i knew they had bad thoughts i used to

i was trying to animate this cartoon once called box

bleach friend

and it’s like

boxed leech friend yeah box

leech friend and it’s like this

leech you can order

and it goes on it get rock

like a pet rock and you put it on your arm and it just

compliments you

while it’s sucking your life out of you

you’re really

great hold on a

second we might not want to put this on the podcast i

think you could actually sell this

i think you shouldn’t release this on the podcast

i think a leech as a friend like

goth kids would totally be into that

like i guarantee

you dude i guarantee you if you got in with the

right crowd you can

start selling pet leeches

for sure i don’t

come on that’s

not preposterous at all i’m totally being

serious i believe i believe you i believe that you

could sell real leeches

they won’t kill you

a leech is not

gonna kill you and they used to use them for medicine

yeah all that has to happen is like

marilyn manson

has to put one on his face and everybody i

wanna do it

yeah you if you

could get them if

marilyn manson

started putting them on

and then selling them

like marilyn manson like showed up at

some red carpet event and he did something on his arm

and if what’s that on your arm marilyn

it’s like that’s a

leech i sell them

yeah yeah but you

could get them

colored or put like

you could be dazzle them

bedazzle your leech

what do do you

think are are

there is there any danger

like why did they use them for what is i don’t i’m

ignorant as to like what the

medicinal uses were what

do they use when people had poison or something to draw

blood like yeah

i think the idea was it’s like your

when you remove the

blood it forces your body to make new

blood i they they thought i

think that your

blood was infected

and so you like you know you remove

blood from your body new

bloods made the new

bloods clean

you know until you heal

imagine how

much it sucked to have a broken leg like a hundred and

fifty two hundred years ago

oh that was it

oh you’re fucked that was it died

right yeah it was it was pretty much over

i mean you were

you you might you

might you know you would

you would either have a limp you couldn’t

really do anything you’d have to get an amputation

amputation was just like a leather

strap in your

mouth maybe some

some form of opiate

and then a saw

covered in the dried

blood of all the former patients because they weren’t

smart enough to figure out

about germs yet

they were idiots dude

you know they used to

think you know

where they used to

think flies came from

where they thought that

flies just magically appeared like if there

if you ever notice how like

your dog shits

and it’s something that’s always astounded me how

quickly flies get around the ship you

haven’t seen

flies anywhere

so i guess flies just hide out in

grass and they like wait for a shit and i like go go go

but like back then

they thought that

it was called i

think it was called spontaneous

generation or

spot they have

a name for i don’t know you guys can let us know but

it’s where just like a fly

would appear out of nowhere

they just believed

if you had like disease fly just kind of

popped in from another fly universe or something

i don’t know that this is

i heard this a very long time ago in one of my

classes so i’m sure i’m

butchering it well

the whole idea

about mushrooms

i mean john

marco legros

work on mushrooms

and i don’t know

there’s an arguments

about whether or not he got the

what is etymology

etymology the word

right but what his

his his work what he was saying was that

the word christ

traced back to a cimmerian word

that meant a mushroom

covered in god’s semen

and that what they believed

since they didn’t have

microscopes and they couldn’t see

spores when

mushrooms just popped up out of nowhere and they didn’t

think there was any seeds there they

understood seeds

but they didn’t know how

these mushrooms

could just exist so quickly

and then of course

you know you take them and you have

these intense


experiences so they

would think of course well this is gifts from god

you know that was a supposition

it makes sense i mean

if you were living 3 000 years ago you didn’t know what

spores were and you

ate mushrooms

and you saw god well that is really what happened

you really did see god i mean

back then there were

if there is

no science and there is no measurement there are no

spores and there is no

origin of you know

of of rain and the

clouds and if there’s no knowledge like that well then

guess what that

experience exists on its own

and if that

experience exists on its own with no context

that really is god

yeah absolutely it’s

it’s like less shit becomes gone because we

understand it more

until we understand

everything and then

everything becomes

god that’s it that’s what’s happening

it’s like i was

thinking like

you know about the

shockers you believe in the shockers

yes yeah i i

think it’s possible i i know

vaguely what the what the thought behind it is but

anything that’s been around a long

long time and is connected to yoga

i always give it some

validity because

here’s something that i read or i

heard actually i

heard mckenna say this

i think he was quoting somebody else but

what the quote is that

um yogis and


all swim in the same water

it’s just that the yogi has

scuba equipment

oh that’s badass

well i think there’s something to all of that stuff

i think what yoga really is at the

heart of it besides being

a method for

tuning into cannabis

because all

those yogi smoked

crazy amounts of hash and we still do

still do in

india you see them smoking weed all the time they’re

baked man all the time

yeah it’s like part of

their you know

their thing is like

taking pride in how many chillums you can

smoke yeah they

are dude how

stone do you have to be

to grow dreadlocks

sit on a mat and

cover yourself in the

ashes of cremated bodies

you are so hot

when that start makes

that that makes sense

and they do that

you can look on youtube

it’s a form of

yoga they hang out it’s shy bites and shiva worshippers

hang out in

graveyard the

adults i think they

carry a little

skull around with them

there there

they’re like totally

about getting as

close to death as you can to try to

merge with the

consciousness through the

death energy

but they also get

really high

yeah i think um

the times that i’ve done yoga when i really got into it

i’ve um i’ve done yoga and been

completely sober and at the end of it

absolutely been high

like no doubt

about it like

had like a real

feeling of intoxication for sure you get

mean really high i’ve walked out of yoga like

super stoned or and not i

haven’t smoked anything and

yeah it’s because

you’re you know you’re dealing with like

these energy

systems that

haven’t been

somehow been missed by western science

which is kind of

weird i mean

think of like

what’s it called chi gong

or like what’s that what’s that called or tai chi

that’s dealing with like this

slow chinese

martial movement and it’s like this energy

system that like

i think acupuncture has something to do with it

i i know people who’ve like

cured smoking from acupuncture

that could also though be that they thought they were

gonna cure smoking from acupuncture

you know it’s like the the

power of the mind like the placebo

effect is an unquestionable thing

it really works on a lot of people if they believe

that you know the

sugar pill is gonna

cure cancer

or help them do something they will i mean they’ve

proven it with a

bunch of different

things even athletic performance people

you know it’s not everyone

doesn’t work on everyone some people are skeptical

but for for people that are true believers

the mind has some

weird untapped ability to do

things and we don’t know what it is

we we don’t

know why we don’t know why you can’t just say hey

um i have a problem with my body

what i should do is just think

about it and heal it

well you can do that but

it’s way easier to pretend that you know this pill is

gonna heal it

and also your body just does it on its own

it’s so weird how your mind can be

your enemy or your best friend your mind is like

if you you know in the bag of akita

they compare

the mind to

earth the human body the mind

senses to a chariot

like the greatest and most

powerful chariot

that there is

but if you don’t have control of

those forces

you are dead meat

yeah if i dropped you in a

you know i’m saying i

dropped you in a chariot with

super powerful horses

and was like

have fun and you didn’t know how to control

those horses

you you’d have like a zero lifespan

well you know what i

think it’s part of it is like it’s

kinda like a

self fulfilling prophecy thing

that’s related to your ability to create

because of your ability to create positive

things you can also create negative things

so if like you know the

whole idea behind the

secret is that you can manifest your own

world and you create your own destiny well

to a certain extent yes

to a certain extent if you really

truly believe in

things things can happen for you

but if you really

truly believe in shitty

things then shitty

things can happen too

so you can create your own

reality just with your paranoia

just with your negative

thinking like

you just as

it’s just the same thing as

that you can

create a positive reality it’s that creative energy

you just don’t have a hold of it well

i’ve just been reading this awesome

physics book

and the chapter i’m on

right now is

about reflection

and it’s when you

start thinking

about the concept of reflection

it’s really mind blowing because

everything you see

and everything you hear

is a reflection

of a certain waveform

bouncing off of matter

and going into

your optic nerve or

going into your ears now

if you think that that just stops with

light and sound you’re

crazy right

there’s so many

other things that are being reflected for example

your actions in the

world get reflected in the direct

result of the way or

get reflected in the way people treat you

and the way your life is this is a

direct reflection of how

you’re behaving you’re reflecting so much more so

the secret and all that

stuff it does make

sense when you

think yeah if in your

brain you have

awful thoughts and you’re radiating this

foul energy

that energy is bouncing

right back to you through

other people and events and circumstances

so it makes sense with

stuff like yoga

what that stuff is is really like

sort of a method

for controlling your body and

directing your life

it’s like all

those ancient

meditation methods all

those like even tai chi

it’s a method for utilizing the the

vehicle of the body

yeah that’s it and it’s

that yeah people

spent a long time

figuring this shit out yeah

like yoga didn’t just wasn’t just some like

indian dude is like i’m gonna

stretch out

stretch guys

yeah i like i watch pain

tellers bullshit and i like that show

but i felt i thought it was so offensive

when they’re dismissing yoga

as like oh look

i’m just stretching like he’s stretching

and i’m like whoa man are you discounting discipline

are you discounting

the ability

to transform you and

control your body and to get a hold of your mind and

get a hold of

your consciousness because you’re no longer

negatively influenced

by a stressful fucked up body you’re discounting that

by saying it’s stretching

like come on man you’re a fat

fuck you’re a fat fuck is not taking care of your body

that’s it yeah he’s just shoving

steaks down his mouth

he can barely bend over what yeah i’m just

like come on man you can’t you can’t talk to me about

what the benefits of yoga are

after you stretch for five minutes on a

television show that’s that’s

that’s disingenuous and that you know i

that drives me

crazy i know that the

whole idea is that

everything is bullshit

on that show

but that guy’s too

smart for that

you know yeah that yeah they do take some

artistic liberties in that show

there’s something

about yoga that is it does something

amazing for your mind

it calms your mind and centers your mind

like they’re calling it centering

like there’s a reason why everybody uses that term

it’s a balancing

issue i saw a

video on the internet of a yogi

taking cloth

if you ever seen this and swallowing it down his i

should say by the way that i love pen tell

and tell her

i love both of

those guys and i feel like

a douchebag for just shit on i’m calling him a fat fuck

he’s a super cool guy and he had me on his

radio show and i love the guy but

you know it is what it is sorry

i love you buddy

yeah me too

yeah you’re

angel that’s the coolest he’s just you know you’re just

wrong about that

and and you also wrong

about martial arts

that was another show they had

they were saying that

you you should

you’d be better off

taking the money that you would

spend a martial arts

lessons and giving it to a mugger

oh that’s stupid

ridiculous and also if you’re

telling beat your fans not to do yoga you’re kind of

tricking them into being unhealthy what’s that

that’s dumb

well dunk trussle just

got a nice salad look

heirloom tomatoes look at this this is no joke here

first class in air canada bitches look at that

fresh lettuce

that’s a nice looking

salad right there

that’s for as far as

plain salads go

that’s a goddamn nice salad

yeah especially cause like

the last six

months i’ve been traveling

what do i say in the last six

months the last

many years of my life i’ve been

traveling in the back in the

slave quarters

this is insane man i feel like fucking

little or fannie

up here when

you’ve been flying in the shit section of the

plane and suddenly they plop down a healthy

salad in front of you

i wanna piss myself with joy right now

i wonder how many people get annoyed by this podcast

people in the on the plane

maybe we should cash it in yeah i don’t think so

you want to take a break and eat your salad yeah okay

so this is part one this is the end of part one

thank you for tuning in and

as always we love you bitches bye

that’s the music

for take two episode two the podcast the

first one just a nice

20 minute one

and then duncan had his delicious

salad and then we got online

and got very distracted because we’re online

so we decided to

fire it up again

because i listened to the

first one for a couple minutes so the

sound is good i was

worried about that that it

would be it

would drown it out but

we actually

could put this online yeah it’s

really awesome but

what’s awesome is that

edible kicked in yet oh yeah

that’s an amazing mix they

should give

those out to people when they get on the

plane yeah fuck

drinks you don’t want to

drink this is doing to the plane

what ecstasy does for a rave

like when you go to a rave if you’re not an

ecstasy it kind of

doesn’t make

sense or if you’re not

tripping out

it kind of doesn’t make sense on a

planes make

sense to me now

yeah i made a

whole blog entry

about how i like to get high

and then get on planes

and i’m like i’m not operating

heavy machinery i’m not hurting anybody

i know i’m gonna be in a seat for like four hours

and i know if i take a cookie at the airport

and i get on the plane

you know you

gotta time it

right take it

right when you get out of your car

come tom chomp eat it

doesn’t want to

carry anything with you on the plane

you get on the plane

and an hour and

twenty minutes

later you’re in the air

and you’re gone

yeah you’re just rocketing through

space and when you listen to an ipod that’s like

when you have good

music like synced up on your ipod

and you know you have like a surround

sound headphones like a

strong headphones like the

i got these beats dr dre beats they

sound so good man and they

their noise counsel canceling

so they cancel the outside bullshit out and just hear

crisp clean sound

and your barbecue

i wrote this

whole blog about

it makes it a

mundane boring tiresome sort of a

chore it turns into like a really fun time

the only thing

about it that sucks

is they don’t supply in

first class

a whip that you can run through the business

class whipping people with

yeah you’ve become

like very quickly a snob

snob i feel like a roman emperor you’re an elitist

i know i feel like crucifying one of the i feel like a

roman emperor

this is incredible guys

if you don’t for me this is like

i don’t do this but i’ve got my computer

plugged into my spacious console at the front

i just had a delicious salad

i’ve got my ipod

charging i’m on wireless

this is incredible it’s pretty intense

cause you know

one one thing that is helping the

strips is the fact that

we’re in like we’re out front

yeah i don’t know if

these trips

will be so useful if you’re back in the business

class inhaling the farts of the poor

i think george carlin

said something like that in a joke so that’s an end for

theft it’s not theft i remember

yeah now i know what he meant

so a bunch of people are

tweeting us

because we’re on wi

fi so i said hey you guys got any questions and we like

fifty right away

but a lot of them are

about wikileaks man

a lot of people have

questions about that and yeah i know

you and i were talking

about this yesterday we had to go we had like a real

quick conversation with the

phone but the

whole case is very fascinating

first of all the fact that there was this

interpol warning

to go get this guy or notice to get this guy and

he was just

it was charged with having sex

that’s all he did it wasn’t even rain

it was sex without a condom

which is just incredible i mean

how can you

drag someone into

jail for another country for that i mean that that is

so transparent how many

trains how many countries

would you be wanted in joe

uh just one really

i’ve never had condomless sex anywhere else oh really

i try not to

actually yeah that’s probably right i

wanna be bringing some first of all i mean for kids

funk back that’s a good point

um julian assange

he’s probably i

think he’s an amazing guy and i think he’s do you

i am torn somebody farted somebody farted in this plane

stop me it didn’t come from the front it’s

motherfuckers came from the back

nasty ass bitches

that’s why you need to run back and lash them

anytime a fart wasp

you should have

a strap you can grab

flashing to the back

anyway this wikileaks guy

i think the

whole thing is

you know it’s obviously

they’re arresting him for release

those documents

they’re just what they’re doing is they’re

sending a message that we can get you with anything

the woman has been linked to the cia and there’s a

bunch of stories

about that and she’s a

crazy feminist who actually has a website that’s

dedicated showing people

how to get back at men

you know showing people how to get revenge

who who’s buying this shit though

is there like what there’s like

four geriatrics in new jersey or like he’s a rapist

like everyone is like a

lot of people

there’s people on my message

board that were saying that um

this one guy

had i believe was a history

teacher was telling him that this

was that this guy was a rapist

she was saying this

those are the words she was using

and the guy in the message

was like well that’s

not what they said they said he had sex with a condom

and she you know was just like completely

resolved this

this conclusion and this guy is a

rapist and that’s it and that is the end of

story and he’s a bad person and

i guess the best time

to commit rape is

right before you leak shit

loads of information because

then you can be like

yeah like i raped

it’s obviously a setup

or they would

paint you what

they’re doing with this guy the saying that he’s a

liar well yeah that’s and that’s the

truth he’s it’s

clearly the whole

things fixed

no i don’t have any question

about that it’s amazing it’s like okay

he’s a rapist

and if you call someone a

rapist all right immediately that person gets

locked in this subhuman

shitty category of people who don’t give a fuck

about other

people and they’re a hundred percent out for themselves

to the detriment of all others

but the problem is

you can’t use the word

rapist for shit that’s not rape

like having sex consensual sex without a condom

oh yeah consensual sex when a condom

broke i was talking to a friend of mine

who went to law

school and he was

you know telling me

when you can’t use the word right

you can only use

the word in

court in court

yeah so they’re not

they’re not

using an acceptable way in

court but yet they have said rape

and they’ve said

there’s a bunch of different versions of

the stories that it’s gotten out but i have read rape

well um one

thing he said is

for example

having sex with a prostitute

and then not paying her

that is not rape

that is consensual sex

but a lot of times a prostitute

will get ripped off and

claimed that she was raped it’s so

rape is non consensual

sex so when it’s

consensual but then you don’t pay what is that is that

fraud or it’s not because it’s not


it’s just jacking that pussy

exact it son

oh i mean what do you call that because it’s a crime

and you you know you’re admitting

you know that you were you committed a

crime and selling your body for sex

this guy didn’t pay you

for your criminal deed

like you don’t really have a stake

you have that’s the problem with

you don’t have a case

illegal you can’t report somebody

like you have to take matters into your own hands

yeah how annoying is that man

you have to become remember

that hbo show a long time ago

avenging angel

about the prostitute that killed people

no it was a

whole terrible series

like a prostitute went

crazy with shotguns don’t

watch it i don’t i can’t believe i just remembered

horrible enough to watch like like

like showgirls and i only

watched it when i was a kid because they like the

commercials were really racing seem like something you

could masturbate to

totally how old are you how long it was

i don’t remember the exact age maybe

i don’t know

fourteen thirteen i don’t know the eighties right

how old are you when you start


me it was definitely high school

i had actually had sex before i’d ever masturbate

yeah i did yeah crazily

just by some way i just met a slut real early

i took acid before i

drink alcohol yeah

i just said

the word slut and the lady behind me flinched

we gotta be careful we’ve got some sensitive

shit either words are

tricky word man

well the lady behind us is

not an executive class

where’s the

straw oh no she

heard that too by the way

how dare you

i just say i’m totally kidding i’m not melidas is just

excited for me i’ll be in business

class for the next

decade back coach

this is that

class actually pretty good

yeah i’ll be in

coach for this is bad

karma i’ve got

coach karma coming my way

yeah it is kind of

weird that they’re

allowed to do that have good seats and then seats suck

well yeah an airplane

doesn’t an airplane just kind of

embody society

you got like

run at the airport

where everyone’s like eating organic

salads and plugged in

and happy and

everything spacious

my god are stewardess

i’ve never experienced a woman

like she’s like

two steps away from being in a harrow

it’s incredible

that’s what society’s like there’s like a

small group

of people up

front or like

so much nicer

to you up here it’s

like this is the nicest anyone’s been to me yeah

when you’re in the back a lot of times the stewardesses

are kind of shitty with you they get a little douche

with you oh yeah they’re just

pissed man i mean

you’re lucky if you can get a napkin the

whole flight yeah

no back to this wikileaks guy

um he supposedly has some incredible payload

that he’s gonna release

if anything happens to him

right isn’t that the word

what is oh yeah he’s got an insurance policy that’s a

super encrypted

pdf file that

has within it

what is attorney described as a thermonuclear bomb

which you know who knows what that

could be but

it’s got to be something

about september eleventh

you think something

like that i mean it’s got to be some or nothing you

could be bluffing

something like we didn’t land on the moon

yeah something like

all the the

secrets of why we actually really got into


and how much they’re making and selling heroin and i

think that i think

that i’m afraid of is that they

could just release it he’s

gonna give the code by the way

how much poison

how much poison is julian assang

slurping back in that prison right now

like yeah like

that that guy he turned himself in it’s like

are you kidding look at what happened to lee

harvey oswald and he went when you get in there custody

why would you do that you

think he had to and i

think the pressure

of being on the run was probably unbearable

you know everybody knows what he looks like

all over the

world all over

magazines all over newspapers on the

cover of time

magazine right now

who was this guy

before he was this wikileaks guy do you know he was um

well he’s australian

and he was into political

activism i saw

there’s a really good interview with him on ted

um that you

could look up

where he talks

about his past but he’s

had a very interesting life he’s really into

um activist

journalism or what

is just real

you just doing real

journalism it’s a real journalist

that’s what real

journalist used to do that’s the

power of a real

journalist is like

they create

giant waves through society the

journalists we have now are just

i don’t know what they are do you

when when the wiki league came out that

hillary clinton had

ordered us to spy on members of the un

on the front page of cnn

i remember it

it was it’s rosa

parks birthday

and then next to that was something

about lindsay lohan

meanwhile a

cable had come out

from hillary clinton

saying gather

biometric information

on the members of the united nations

and this is directly

against um um international law

you can’t spy on members of the un

you’re not supposed to do that

that’s what julian assang said he said well

if she’s in violation of this she

should resign

and the people in the united states

should be saying

why isn’t hillary clinton resigning if she’s

breaking international law

why isn’t george

bush being held accountable when in his book

he says he authorized

uh uh actions that go

against the geneva conventions

why aren’t we holding our leaders to the law

and the very fact that we’re not is why

we have to go

through seven

you know seven different security

systems at the airport and get our balls

squeezed people

wanna blow us the fuck up

because our leaders aren’t

sticking to the law you’ve got to

stick to the law

if you’re in the

front and you don’t

stick to the law god i’m

sorry i keep quoting the bag of akita because i’m

gonna sound like a dick but

no it’s true

it says in the bag of akita

what a great man does

others will follow

and if you’re at the

front of the fucking ant parade

and you’re not

going in the right way

but you’re telling all the

other ants to go in the

right way it

doesn’t work

and then we have chaos and

the degradation of society and

then the next

thing you know julian asan

just being arrested for nothing

and everyone knows it but no one’s doing anything

that’s why one of the uh

more popular conspiracy theories

theories have always been that the government creates

drama so that we have to take away your

rights to protect you from this drama

you know whether

especially things like

faceless things like terrorism

you know there’s been

so many claims by all

these different

groups i don’t know if there’s any

validity to it but there’s so many people talking

about it you

gotta wonder if this has ever been a real strategy

and that strategy is

to attack people and

blame it on terror

so that you can change laws

so that you can move around easier

you know and it

sounds like

something there’s no way that we

would ever do

it sounds like some horrific terrible thing

until you go back and you just review american history

you know you have

review why we really got into a

bunch of different wars

and it had nothing to do with protecting people and

everything to do with economics

so if if there’s a way to make more

money and there’s a way to move around easier

and all that way requires is

you have to create some drama

and in that

drama you’re

gonna be able to change the law

and that’s gonna help but you can

justify that even if you’re really not that terrible

you could say we need this to protect

people it’s the reality of the business you know

it didn’t or will say something like that about

you know what wasn’t it didn’t have some

quote about

people sleep

in their bed

safe at night

because hard men are out there doing you know

terrible things something like that

terrible paraphrase

but that was his

it was you know his

thing it’s like

like the only way to be safe is if

we you let us take care of it all

you know and we promise you

we’re going to protect you

from all this

other stuff

there’s a lot of other

stuff and you can’t know about it

yeah it’s the it’s like the

government taking on the figure of your your parents

and it’s like

and then you’ve got

the constitution this will probably piss people off but

it’s like the constant

basically like everyone goes back to the

great founding here with

those things no

everything i’m headphones on

and i was like god


muffled i forgot i had headphones

i had ear plugs in

if you like

you know like everyone goes back to like what would the

founding fathers do

and we must

never change anything in the constitution or

our government is

clearly the constitution

is not functioning

in the way that it was intended to function anymore

the founding fathers

intended i imagine

democracy to work in a way where

votes meant something and leaders

weren’t being

manipulated and controlled by massive corporations but

people get hooked on the past

and they don’t

wanna take matters into

their own hand

so what you have happening

right now is

something that’s

a pale reflection of what may have been intended

when you know in the

the idea being that each

human being in america

they’re supposed to be seeking out their

greatest happiness

which is an incredible idea

that is not what’s happening anymore

and so what you have is this anaconda

effect happening

on anaconda

kill kills people

yeah so that

it’s constriction the way an anaconda kills people is

what it’s awful

you breathe out

the anaconda

squeezes in

you know what i mean you

you let air out the anaconda

squeezes in

so you can’t take as much air in the next time and

every time you breathe out the anaconda

squeezes in and in and in

so what you have happening now is these

awful attacks

happened or whatever they were who the fuck knows very

suspicious events happen

and all of a sudden now

we go to the airport

and we just have to take it for granted

that we’re going to

you know get ladies

and gentlemen

i’m going to be closing up the duty free within

the next fifteen minutes what do you want to duty free

selling your bullshit

duty free booze

for alcoholics who want to not pay taxes on their booze

how much taxes

i don’t know i never understood it’s weird

listen to that french as you can show

what a great language man

it’s a good one

so what we’re saying my point is

it seems like what’s

happening and what’s really disturbing is it’s like

everything that

everything that’s done

in fascism or

every anytime

anything’s done

that’s bad it’s

never done on the surface like this is a bad

thing it’s always

done for a really reasonable justifiable cause

and in that same way it’s like

what’s happening at the airport security

it’s very dangerous because soon that’s

going to spread to the subways and then that’s

going to spread to the

in greyhound

stations and pretty much anywhere you want to

do you think it’ll ever get to a

point where it’s in cars

where people will

be able to stop you get out of your car and then just

search your car

well i mean i

think that’s cops

yeah but i mean like a true

like a line

like you just

drive somewhere

and you have to stop get out

of your car they have to go look around it and then you

drive on well yeah like what happens when you

drive into the airport they stop you give you a

quick look over and let you go through

did you say that

about israel it’s like that in israel

yeah it’s like that in israel they

and you know in israel it’s like

there you kind of

understand it because

they they went through that period

where cafes were just getting

blown up and and

every day like suicide bombs were

going off and

the united states

these events

they’re not happening and

i know people are like they’re not happening because of

those security

measures but really no the security measures

are only at the airports

they’re not

at the hardware

stores where

anybody who’s got a

minor understanding of chemistry

could probably whip together a bomb and

stick it somewhere and kill people

the secure i just i heard that

more people’s lives

would be saved if

they were giving

measuring people’s hearts

for irregular

heartbeats when they were

going through airport security and telling them they

might have a problem with

their heart

and scanning people

that’s true but

if there was no

scanning in this climate i

truly believe that someone

would try to do something

stupid again

i don’t have a problem with scanning

i know a problem with

scanning cause i don’t have a bomb on me

and i don’t want anybody else to have a bomb on them

i don’t see it as a problem because

there’s a meme out there and that meme is

blowing up airplanes and people been doing it already

and it’s become a part of that

you know the the terrorist culture

i mean whenever they

wanna get a lot of attention they know

everyone’s terrified of flying so it’s like a bonus

it’s like terror times ten

you know cause terror

on a bus is like well i’m not scared to be in a bus

but when i’m on a

plane i’m thirty thousand feet in the air

everyone’s afraid that

plane’s gonna go down and that’s how they’re

gonna die that’s a big

giant fucking visceral fear that people have

cause they know we’re not really supposed to be up here

you and i are

right now we’re

thirty thousand goddamn feet in the air

going five hundred

miles an hour

and that’s scary

and if you add someone blowing that up it’s like

double blow up

you know it’s it’s more

scary so because of that

i like scanning i don’t have a problem with it

i think everybody’s

freaking out

about everybody

grabbing their balls and

everything but look

look just go through it’s not that hard

why why are they

freaking out why are they a pain in the ass why they

aggressive i’ll tell you why

cause their job sucks

and because nobody wants to go through this bullshit

so people are complaining all day

so they’re in a negative mood

their job sucks

but really i

in this climate in this day and

age of underwear

bombs and shoe bombs and fucking what else bombs it’s

gonna be next

what’s next you know

fucking breath machine bombs and you know

bose earphone bombs i mean come on man

it’s like they can keep

going on and on you gotta

check shit out you

gotta i mean

there’s just too many nutty people

and it’s not our

fault that our government is doing all this

crazy shit all over the world

because it’s pretty obvious no matter who you vote in

you know obama promised that he was

gonna get out we

voted him in look what happened nothing

nothing’s changed nothing’s

changed in fact more people are in afghanistan

more people than ever

so it’s not that’s not

gonna fix shit

it’s not our

fault we don’t know what to do

okay don’t blow us up

cause we don’t know what to do

cause we’re just as much of a

victim of this

crazy fucking machine as everybody else

we human beings you and i we are

look we are the people that they

would be attacking this

we’re us we’re a part of this

whole crazy

group and that’s

where it gets

ridiculous because

whatever you say

about the united

states doing fucked up

things over the

world it’s not us

it’s not us

yeah we’re not with this

group we’re just born here okay

that’s the problem though is like

that yeah you

can’t what i’m saying is like

the average person is not really

going to be able to fix this by voting

it’s obvious

well no it’s not by voting i mean it requires like

hardcore activism like what assange

is doing like

that’s the only way to fix it people aren’t

gonna fix this by

i mean right before we rushed into iraq and

started attacking them in

the illegal war that happened

remember that

hundreds thousands of people

that were protesting i went to one of the protest man

people swarming through the streets

nobody wanted that to happen

and it happened

so that what that says is okay well that

style of protest

doesn’t work

the voting style of protest

doesn’t work

obama just voted to

extend the republican um

the bush era

tax cuts that he was railing

against so so

it didn’t matter that he said he was

gonna stop those because he just kept them

going so voting

doesn’t work

protesting doesn’t work

what does seem to work is one

pale little albino

it doesn’t like wearing condoms

and it’s pouring

the truth about

the way our government actually works out into the

world that worked and look what happens

the way you know what you’re doing is working

is because you’re either a

in jail and you’re not getting out or b

you’re clutching your

chest realizing you just got assassinated

that’s how you knew you were on the right track

that’s it any other

stuff as they call it slack division

which i’m quite guilty of

you’re not doing the right thing

until you’re getting waterboarded

when you’re getting waterboarded you probably

stumbled onto something until then

oh oh forget it

dude that’s brilliant

if you’re getting

waterboard you probably stumble out of something

yeah yeah but meanwhile i gotta tell you

sitting up in first class ain’t so bad

i’d like to get a cup of coffee and watch me

press this button

even the charm

what up dog

even the chime is angelic

how about that dog you can request

i have a request for

a cup of coffee

to try to stimulate my mind

i got a little bit too much eleven hydroxy metabolite

flowing through the dome

could i have a cup of coffee with a cream please

would you say hi to everybody on our podcast

hi how are you

she’s very nice what is your name

marcela she’s a very nice lady

thank you would you like anything a coffee please

say we really are on a plane

it would be an elaborate hoax

if we tried to pretend that we weren’t on a plane

she’s the best she’s

the best that she’s got a beautiful accent she’s so

sweet she’s wonderful she’s got a

motherly quality to her yeah and she’s very attentive

she has a nice

scarf tied around her neck

this wiki wikileaks thing i’m a but i’m a very

i’m very guilty of being a

spectator in a lot of

world events

like it takes a lot to like charge me to the

point of even talking

about this but

when when i saw yesterday that the

whole condom

thing like that’s when i really

started getting into it was the other

set yesterday the day before

and that that’s when i really just went okay i can’t

leave this alone like i have to look at this

cause this is insane

i get i’ve never seen a case more


where they’re

bringing someone to justice

quote unquote

for like a more

ridiculous charge consensual sex

where the condom

broke and you didn’t say anything

and how does he

how you know

who’s gonna

prove that like the

judge should toss that out of goddamn court

they should be like hey honey

shit happens don’t buy

cheap rubbers get the fuck out of my courtroom

it shouldn’t be

let’s get an interpol

thing out there

and drag this dude in from another nation

you know ps

what happened to that bin laden guy

yeah the most evil guy in the

world is the one that’s exposing murder

that’s the most evil guy in the

world meanwhile bin

ladens and some

sweet and saudi arabia

laughing his fucking ass

off or in like this like a hole in a mountain like area

fifty one style

and you go in there into the fucking palace they

built him deep into the mountain

yeah that’s it that’s it yeah

he’s yeah he’s like getting personal performances

from stevie wonder yeah and he’s got a lake

above his house

with a glass bottom that’s

where he gets his light from

comes through the

water and that’s what

lights up the way it’s a fucking palace

and then just

shipping in afghani

chicks just left and

right and left and

right and it’s an

probably no afghani boys

and it’s just a crazy orgy

it’s just littered with like the dead bodies of

oh you got ice cream

thank you very much

thank you what you say

the coffee she

whispered that the coffee is being brewed

she just brought some ice

cream by as well oh haagen

dazs little

small haagen dazs

i’m on that shit son that does

sound really flavor

would you go for

cause i think i’m

gonna go for whatever they give me

i think that’s what i’ll take i i’m

i it’s hard to not cry

every time she asks for something i’ve been

i feel like a kid who’s been like molested

by a foster parent that loves you

business class

i mean coach

you’re getting molested back there you’ve got like

your legs are getting

crushed into

your body and if god forbid you have a middle seat

you walk out with scoliosis for the rest of your life

you’re trying to see

it’s horrible back there

i’m gonna we should

i don’t know

this is great though

anyway back to this wikileaks dude

i think it takes a certain type of hubris

you know it’s not

the average person is not

going to do this

they probably

never thought someone

would be so bold as to do something that

would most surely get them

arrested and they

gonna be very little public outcry

this guy’s gonna get locked up for a long ass time

and there’s gonna be a

bunch of reasons why they’re locking him up and they’re

gonna rot him out they’re

gonna rot him out and sell somewhere

illegal access to sensitive data top secret

information they’re gonna

it’s gonna be

yeah espionage espionage

well is it espionage when you’re not a us

citizen what is it

well no he’s

apparently it isn’t like there’s all these basic

laws that govern

these things and

and if it was espionage and if it what

truly was espionage you

for certain the united

states this next day it came out

would be like we’re arresting him

right but the united states now i was like

probably an entire warehouse full of lawyers

looking through

every line of

law desperately trying to cobble together a reason

they can legally

bring him back into the empire

but it’s so

dangerous because all the information is out now and

so much has been

learned about the way

the government interacts with

other governments about

how they feel about

other countries

about all this

secret information that they have access to

there’s a lot of shit that got out man

you can’t close that up you know

and also that

little thorn in the lion’s paw is that insurance policy

you know you know

that is that is drawing some beads of

sweat from the heads of many reptilians

right now like

what could it be

you think he’s telling them you

think he’s told them yet what it is

i think he’s probably

given him a hint or two

weird code words

green dragon

can they kill him at this point

after all this can they kill him

well i think

i think that

that’s why that’s to me the thing

about if you did turn himself into me it’s like man

well you better not be

drinking the water

because it’s like

if you really trust

that they’re just giving you like

whatever the normal

salami sandwiches

they’re giving prisoners and they’re not giving you

a patty of spam

that’s composed of nano bots designed to swim into the

score of your

brain and explode in five years

that’s what you think and the guy’s got a little

a little like widget on his computer

clock till junior

down down still a scientist head explodes in the cia

knows exactly

clocks on everyone’s computer and he they’re all

gonna be there when it happens

they’re gonna invite him somewhere

it’s gonna be like he won the lottery or something or

stand there

trying to collect

big fucking stupid

smile on his face

and that his

head will explode it’ll be when he wins the nobel

prize and it’ll happen on the fourth of july

it’ll happen oh look at this she’s coming by with this

oh my goodness

i wish we could keep this podcast

going but she’s coming by with ice cream

and cookies

yeah yeah ice

cream and cookies yeah

whoops thank you

oh my goodness

and with that

ladies and gentlemen that’s

gonna be the end of part two

these are short podcasts

if you if you only commute to work and it’s like

twenty minutes

is a perfect podcast for you

we did this just for you we’ll be back we just

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