okay
granulate goddamn dj mix master character
recording no no
calm down fella calm down
keep it together son there we go making noises here
we going yes is it for real
early 90s another cut to move oh yeah
another beat that’s so
strong hold on and
i get wicked in this song stir up shit is the weakest
wisdom people
coming up i’m straight up
pro black and it ain’t no joke
coming straight
from the pro
black and it ain’t no joke bitches
how we doing here
this guy was good man whatever happened to paris
he went to paris he’s done
i need to get a paris t shirt respect
hey just released a new
album looks like in two thousand nine oh really
one sixteen point seven
somebody tell me is paris on twitter
can we find this man
we perhaps resurrect
what was what was once at much greater heights
what can we do joey
we’ll put them on tour with orange juice jones
orange that the fuck joe
right there orange juice jones
paris and somebody else
how many songs did
orange juice jones have though
half for one
he didn’t have a whole song he
would just open up then and
paris would take that thing over
yeah you have to have him open
the audience
how about a round of applause for the soldiers you know
all that shit
kill time a round of applause for the wait staff
how about a
round of applause for all the sex and ladies in their
house there’s a lot of black dudes like to do that in
their act a lot of people like to do it a lot
of people like to do that give big rounds of
applause where’s all the party people who’s drinking
who’s got hiv go fuck yourself
bust this motherfucker
out thank you did you hear the
thank you please
thank you for being here welcome
to joe rogan
experience flashlight
as you fuck as know was sponsored by
flashlight you
don’t need to fuck your hand no more you can fuck a cup
that has hair in it or whatever it
looks like a big
gulp and i seen the blue one and i finally watched
pieces avatar now i knew what the blue one was for
i didn’t watch the
whole avatar yet here it is
that’s a little asshole
one you know what i’m saying i wonder if they’re
gonna get away with this
whole blue alien
pussy thing
people like that i
think they already did
they got away with it
how’d they get away with it well it’s just a blue
alien you guys are the
ones that are making
reference to
that but didn’t they have like images in their site
that looked like
that that was from a movie
porn parody
and did they
sell that porn parody with this
no i don’t i
think that was just they were
in conjunction with it like
you know they were
i think they were selling it
really yeah
i don’t know
maybe they were in conjunction but either way
i mean it’s certainly implied
well i have no
issue with it
i think it should be accepted
under the laws of parody
you know if you can make a parody of something you
should make
a fake pussy or something too
a double clip
pussy is a goof
parodies are
weird to me i don’t
understand how
it works like there was a bobblehead recently that was
steve jobs bobblehead
and only like 300
were made or something like that and they
put a stop to it because it was a likeness of somebody
you know and that but it was a parody
it wasn’t it didn’t look
exactly like him it was like a big head bobblehead but
i guess that was considered too much of a parody
or something
using your likeness
that’s a weird line
right you can goof on someone
but if you’re selling
things when you’re goofing on them
what happens like if you do
like what if you were like
jim brewer and jim
brewer did that joe pesci impression
remember you do that
impression all the time
right and he
started selling t shirts
that said like joe pesci
says go fuck yourself and it’s him with
that expression
that parodies are parodies though
and they’re making
money off of it but yet
you can’t sell a bobblehead that looks like steve jobs
well that was
steve jobs cause he’s
steve fucking jobs got more
money than god he shut them down yeah
but avatar has more
money than god
maybe they’re just not
maybe they’re seeing avatar
as like a fake
character that someone has constructed so it’s
you’re allowed to have a parody of that
and not of a guy who’s not an
entertainment
absolutely figure
cause he’s just a person yeah
but then how did they do like george bush shit and like
i don’t know i
think maybe
it’s public domain when you hit like a certain height
like when you get to be like george bush
famous maybe you become public domain
maybe you could just sell bush sucks
t shirts with his face on it
i don’t know how does that happen
do you think they do them and then just get shut down
like they just the
state department comes
after him just say stupid
you can’t sell george bush
t shirts asshole
well then we’ll
close up shop
the state department won’t say that to you what
those motherfuckers do is
put an audit on your ass you know what i’m saying
did you hear
about that fucking
guy in iran that went to jail for like i
think it was six years
because he made a movie
about the corruption
during the elections
mm hmm it’s fucking sad story man
you know anybody complains
about america and how fucked up america is
all this wikileak shit
right yeah it’s fucked up but
it’s the best of the fucked up
places you know you can make a
movie about
insurance or you can
make a movie
about fucking bashing people here but in other
countries that don’t fly though
yeah they really didn’t fly
they lock this fucking guy up
with that whole election man you remember all the
riots that they were having i don’t know the
exact particulars but it was
it’s very clear that
this is serious
corruption the corruption
levels in those
places is just
so mind boggling
yeah go vote but the box is already
stuck with ballots yeah
you know what i’m
saying it’s like that one yeah it’s so fucking corrupt
you know so
those places are
so bad people
live in hell anyway
so this guy that got put in jail he knew that there was
gonna be consequent
he just thought he was fucking cute
you gotta be careful though yeah
well yeah he thought
he was cute and he was trying to make a change but
i don’t know if that’s how changes gets made i mean i
guess it is
man i mean it has to be the overwhelming
will of the people to bend back a corrupt government
i mean it takes an incredible amount of
effort to bend
back a really corrupt government the key is to
never let it get too corrupt
because people like
all the laws are in
place i mean what’s really important
about them is to keep shit from getting out of hand
because once
it’s get out gets out of hand it can stay out of hand
people get really used to anything
you know the people in liberia
just like the people here
they’re just growing up in this fucking insane
war zone chaos cannibal environment with
fucking warlords and guns in little kids hands
and they’re just
shooting people and
you know they get used to that though man
you get used to
that it’s very difficult to turn that into this
the key is to
never let this become that
because if it does become that
then that becomes the norm it
would take hundreds of years to turn light
barrier around
yes it would take
hundreds of years you can’t
just you’re not
gonna go in there with a regime and just we’re
gonna stop you’re
certainly not
gonna go in there with
boxes of rice and fix
everything you have to fix
these people as
human beings you have to
the influence of all
these people who have experienced murder
i mean that’s
just through it permeates through the entire
culture all
these people have experienced
horrific murders in
their lives
when you have a
whole culture like that you have this guy
general buck
naked you ever
heard of that guy story
he’s from liberia
general buck
naked used to
take off all his
clothes and fucking
fight naked
and go shoot
naked and he
would find a
an innocent
child of the
enemy and then they
would kill it and eat parts of its body and drink its
blood what an asshole
no bullshit okay
and this guy you know
this guy was
just running through
these countries or
these territories having
these fucking
horrific wars and they all saw this shit and
everybody’s seen like terrible terrible
things happen in
liberia and
if you try to take that guy or
try to take any of
those people
and try to turn them around and make them like a normal
everyday person
it’s virtually impossible the guy
shoots people fucking
naked yeah you know he’s got a 12 inch dick he’s
black he’s running down the
street shooting
other fucking
people and you know you can’t i mean it’s a terrifying
story different
environment
these people are cannibals
those people fucking at them and they’re used to it man
and this guy’s become like a crusade
christian it’s really kind of
crazy cause he’s
still out you
know i mean
even though everyone
i mean he admits to all these
crimes and all the shit that he’s done
he’s still just kind of
walking around and everybody’s like well shouldn’t we
lock this guy up he ate
babies right
and there’s a
video of him talking
about eating babies now
the cannibalism that’s done there like
that and that type of
is the cannibalism done
for some of it for
hunger and the
other part is to kill the spirit so
you conquer that
motherfucker yeah there’s a lot
the whole of it
just there’s a lot of that you just i’m
gonna kill brian and eat his fucking hey here
yeah we never
could come back to get me ever
again that’s part of it you know what they’re talking
about he’s an ill is
motherfucker
it just shows a
certain amount of ferocity
you know a certain amount of ferocity
you want to kill someone and eat and eat them yeah
i mean it just
i mean what they’re doing is they’re participating
in the most ferocious war zone in the world
and in this war zone in africa man
some of the fucking
civil rights violations some of the horrible
things that happened there
when you read
about i think they call them the hutus
and the tutsis there’s
two these two warring
tribes that have been
after each other forever
they participate in machete attacks
where they go into villages
while everyone’s asleep and they hack them to
death with machetes
i mean dude
there’s some
crazy apocalyptic shit
going down in africa
and it’s been
going down for two thousand
fucking years and that’s a
mother the problem
is it’s already happened it’s too late it’s like
the culture’s so fucked up
everything’s so
crazy it’s like
how do you stop it from ever getting to that spot
that’s what we got to make sure
and every little fucking
creep of corruption
every little grip that we lose
every little time that something fucking gets away
every time that the corruption gets
worse and worse
we get closer to that
that’s the ultimate
the ultimate end of
the horrible
attitudes and ideas of society is that eventually
society degrades to some fucking
crazy mad max type situation
and that’s why
that’s such an appealing theme in movies
because we know that
everybody just got to keep it together so that this
doesn’t happen because this is a real possibility
but let me tell you something i don’t know
about mad max i seen
that fucking
movie with denzel washington the un and
about oh eli
because he’s the
worst fucking
piece of shit
i watch 15 minutes of that
denzel you shot your low with man on fire
thank fucking god
is that whatever i don’t even like
those movies
it don’t make no
sense to me
road warrior was good
i could see
fighting for gas and
stabbing motherfuckers on the 101
that i don’t mind
killing somebody on the 405
that cuts you off in a fucking bad car and shit yeah
well brian to
build me one of
those helicopters and shit
but that shit walking around and out
the baddest
motherfucker with guns and
knives and it was
and wasn’t he
blind to was i don’t fucking
blind he was horrible with the swords
get fucking
blade to go in there
teach how to stab a
motherfucker
blade badass
motherfucker
when he was in there with the
sword by the way he’s doing time
is he in jail
right now yeah he’s he had a report
i believe he’s in jail
anybody know
where they have
you gotta pay your
taxes ladies and gentlemen i don’t give a fuck if you
think it’s a scam
it seems like it is it seems like man this is
the mob i’m getting worked over why do i have to pay 48
cause you do
alright just
throw in everybody has to
throw in yeah it’s
kinda corrupt yeah we’re not exactly sure
where it all goes yeah
it’s kinda crazy that you don’t get to vote on
where your money goes but
throw the fucking
money in you
crazy asshole
forty eight percent is what keeps this
from turning into f
yes yes always remember that that 48
and even then i mean people
getting hookers with it you know that congressman
getting their dicks up then whatever but
just put it behind you and pay your
taxes cause that’s something that
people don’t
concentrate on too is like as far as like government
a big part of what government is is providing jobs
there’s a lot of people that need jobs
and if you’re
gonna get that tax
money the best way to get that tax money
is to make more government jobs make more
unnecessary jobs
so you give
money to people now here’s something
you better know
about this wesley snipes
pissed somebody off
well he looks to
somebody you can’t not pay your
taxes for like
seven years when you’re a huge
movie star you
can’t that’s terrible
it’s what happens after that
the government
doesn’t want to put you in jail when you make
those type of
yeah but they
do if you’re you’ve taken a
stance he took
some crazy stance
he wrote something on the letter
he also sucked his dick they took my bill
that’s what they did
no they go out
yes he did he did they
go after you
big time do you know this happening
yes no this is a true
story he wrote
something like
road suck my dick
like something when he
made he didn’t
think he had to pay
taxes he was
like in england or something whoa
it’s something
stupid that’s
crazy listen
listen let me tell you i didn’t pay taxes for
after ninety one i got divorced and i became a
comic and that was my
point was to become a fucking outlaw
so i didn’t want to pay
taxes and i was scared shit
i didn’t pay
taxes from ninety one
to two thousand
four i walked in that building
when you said that outlaw
if we were on the ball we
would have had some clinics with movie
sound playing in the back no no
no no you know
when you when i
first read the lenny
bruce book and i like that
whole patois
to me it seemed like he disappeared
he was a comic that disappeared and i like that idea
just disappeared
like you used to say he’s gone
i don’t know
where he is we can’t get a hold of him
and i always like that so i stopped paying
taxes i wouldn’t make any
money those years
i think it was one year i made money one
went down there
the government
was very nice to me they gave me a payment plan
they took the ten years i didn’t pay and said don’t
worry about it
or you gotta go back in
seven years and not till
today i pay a
monthly juice
every month
how much you know
i owed after
everything i
think i got up with 8 000
i knew a lot of
comics and i had problems with
taxes in boston because in boston they got paid in cash
so a lot of guys for years
they just lived
high on the hog and
never did anything
about it and they just figured out
oh they’ll come get you they’ll
knock on the door eventually
i know so many comments
they always
knock on the door you know that
when you win the lottery and they were making good
money there was a time
i wasn’t at that
level but the the
when when i was coming up like
right as i was coming up when i was like just barely
starting to get paid work
the headliners in town could do
there was a next comedy stop
they would do i
swear to god they
would do five shows a
night man they
would go from one room to the
other room they had
two rooms downstairs and one room upstairs and would
shuffle people in all night
and the fucking shows
would be packed
these guys were making
crazy money and it was all cash
they were all just
raking in the cash and they just
never put it aside
never fucking put
those taxes aside they just
spent what they had
and they just didn’t do anything
about it and before you know it they were fucked
you know they
owe a hundred thousand dollars or something
crazy oh they send you a bill that’s
oh they send you
a bill to make your head go
out of the fucking road yeah you don’t realize america
you make a reality a hundred
grand a hundred grand
you know a few years in a relic a lot of
these guys are making
you owe a lot you owe a lot of money
you owe a lot of money
that’s when when you
start working for yourself
you really start noticing like what
taxes really are you like wow what a
giant chunk
but if i would pay it
willingly happily
if i thought that we were all working in the
right direction
and then everybody was trying to clean the
world up and make people nicer
and stop all the douchiness
and clean out all our fucked up laws and i
would pay it all fix the streets
if you’re doing the right
thing with it i’d be more than
happy to give up half my money
but i don’t
trust you fucking cunts
that’s the problem you can’t
trust them the people that want to be in positions of
power should
never be in positions of power
anybody who wants to be the president
what the fuck is
wrong with you
you wanna run everything
really fifty thousand a year and you got kids
and you got kids is that what the president makes two
fifty yeah i mean i
guess i get the idea of on
paper something it’s five i think it’s five hundred
maybe less so brock
leslie got half of that for catching a beat
he got two hundred thousand
he got well he got two hundred thousand on
paper yeah well
everything sort of
he has like pay per view deals and
right when it’s a
thousand on
paper yeah i don’t know how they work the the pay
scale it’s very very tricky
they do it i gotta tell you something
well we came here
today cause you always say to me
every fucking time you come here
you always have a fucking
story i don’t even know
where you get it from i don’t know
where you get these stories
incredible i’ve
known you my
whole life and you keep
coming up with
new stories we came in tonight and i seen your family
and i was really nice to see him when i seen your wife
it was funny the
first time i met your wife we met in
vegas at the riviera
and we were sitting there
having a great time
you know what’s coming oh yeah and some chick
it kept talking to us and she was really
annoying and
it turned out to be a guy that had become a chick
and was part of that theater
group and next to the
dirty show where
women take their
clothes off she showed us
but she showed us
but back me on this she
was beautiful she looked good she looked like a girl
and then they sued her
because or she got
fired because they
found out she was a man
before that and then she
tried to sue the riviera
or whoever it was and there was one
point at night
where i go you know
at that time i was really
crazy i had no blow and i’m like come on show me a
monkey and she showed me and joe her pussy
and she just had a
whole board
like they took
where her dick was cut it off and took a
board drill
and took that
piece of meat out and then they took artificial
turf and they
put it around this hole
and it had no clit to it like the clit you
can see was
stitched on
and here’s the
funny thing like i thought
about this i took it to my room
afterward to get high with it
and you know what if i
would have done coke and
drink i would
have had to suck my dick just not a general purpose
for the story you know saying
cause she look
great guys she was a
trans you she was
the best description for you said
it looks like a bat with its
mouth yeah with his
mouth open it look like this fucking you
she went back to your
hotel room though
after we were all hanging out there was a
bunch of comics hanging out all
right somebody
said do you have weed or whatever and it was me
the guy from schni glitz
hey what’s that what’s that kid’s name
that he was with us that
night he was big what is
schni glitz
show no he did that he was
the riviera has a couple different rooms
and it was me and you in the
dirty room and the big room
was that kid that beat
it was good friends with
harris pete
he lived in montana
and he did that oh rich schneidner
rich schneidner
something like that no
no no no no
no and you’re not talking
about southern
black children no no
bub rich hall
rich haul yes and then
i remember we were sitting there you left
and we’re sitting
there both very
funny guys and nobody
on yeah nobody had weed and i go you know the girl goes
obviously she had weed
you know right
she’s like i
smoke in the fucking
hotel these
motherfuckers can’t do nothing to me
you know i’m
suing them and me her
and rich hall
went up to the room and i
remember all of us smoking dope and i’m looking at this
chick going
if i had coke
they suck both of your dicks didn’t
i watched this show
and i don’t remember what it was it was some sort
of a documentary but i remember being really high
and then i stumbled upon it
and the show was
it was all these drag
queens like a beauty contest for drag
queens in vegas
it was all transsexuals
like a full
transsexual beauty show
i was like wow this is the strangest
fantasy ever
these guys a lot of it was like some
weird fantasy thing
like this guy had he was a fucking man bro
he had this big manly ass face and manly fucking
shoulders he’s taking hormone shots and he’s
waltzing around on this
stage like a ballerina
and i’m like
this is the craziest shit i’ve ever seen in my life
this guy wants to be a
woman so much he
chopped his cock off
he’s willing to go through
hormonal replacements
you know where they
they make you actually grow
tits that’s it’s
like really like a lot of people do that more than you
would think that hormonos
thing like there’s
tons of people that do that they become
like for sex yeah i want to be a boy i saw report the
other day on it like how many people
are fuck up
yeah she started looking like ralphie may
she looks just like ralphie may
she looks just like
ralph it’s hysterical i met her once
i met her once in the sunny and cher show and
although she was pleasant
she had a very strange energy
sonny and cher show
not not sonny and cher show donnie marisha donnie and
marie did i say sonny and cher
that’s funny i was thinking
about that because of her
yeah i was on the sonny and cher show when i was one
but no donnie marisho
i don’t know how i got this too confused
but she was on it and i
was on it was me and dave foley and i remember you know
her saying hi but this being this
weird thing
like i did something
you know you ever
meet somebody and they
look at you like you did something all the time you
like i didn’t do anything what the fuck did i do yeah
like like a decline
go down what are you yeah
i mean this i mean i was not even
a notorious
person and i hadn’t done anything i was just
just an actor
just fucking
there to promote our sitcom that’s it
but there was this
weirdness you know
and it might mean nothing it
might be my own personal insecurities
it could be
but it could be that she’s this
bitch is crazy
and when it goes from there to i don’t
think i’m a
woman i’m a man and i need to okay
okay well now i
understand what that look was all about
hey let me ask you some
crazy let’s
go online i don’t know
about 10 15 years ago
they did a special on one of those
2020s about
where people go for that surgery
for what surgery
the sex change
the biggest
place is a place in colorado
and the doctor that does in
southern colorado you
gotta look this up i don’t know the
whole particular
but the guy who does it only does it on the weekends oh
jesus because during the week he’s like a farmer
what and on the weekends he does the trend
sexual oh my god i’ve seen that you’ve seen
this i saw that it
does it but it does
the operations in like a fucking a
motel room there you go
there you go it’s like
an office fucking
crazy that you
would let another guy
cut your dick off and slit you home
in a hotel room in colorado
i figured for that you either
go like israel
or hong kong
or with some
smart people you know i’m saying
but you’re gonna go let a farmer
fucking cut your dick off and tuck it in
and what it is this guy have like
a good reputation
haven’t seen this
maybe it’s just a bad
motherfucker works i know he was
booked fucking
solid oh my god he was booked solid
you had to make but it’s a process you have to go to
psychology and pills it’s not just
i want to get my dick cut off i
could do it in six
months and should you
imagine the
weirdness that you
would feel if a guy had remorse that you
cut his cock off he’s like can you go back and fix it
like whoa no we can’t we can’t we
tried those
you can’t be pissed
out of your asshole that’s a wrap son
it’s a wrap
so you’re a chick now
there’s a lot of
chicks go through life as a chick
is leather made out of animal skin
like is it animal skin
state animal
skin and you can live off eating skin for some time
right i don’t
know that’s a good question i don’t know if there’s any
nutrition in leather
i guess they’re probably some really crude
protein and
fiber i mean like you
could eat chicken skin and live off
yeah but it’s
i think it’s
a difference in the way it’s processed a lot of
points that when a letter
becomes leather i
don’t know someone out there will answer this question
i’m always thinking
like if you know you’re really poor you
could probably eat
shoot your shoes if they’re
leather shoes
people could
i think they did that in
depression i
think that was like you know
a common story
see i always thought that was just like
i say boil your fucking
shoes rice and shit potato oh come on
what the fuck
is wrong with
you back in the
depression man that must have been fucking crazy
nineteen twenties they’re all walking around you know
shoes and shit
was it the twenties
was that the
depression was
i don’t know what was
depression the
great thirties
thirties hey
man you just
gotta hunt to
catch any possums and
this creative ways to cook a fucking
rabbit you’ll
learn how the hell to do it you know
going to the see charlie chaplin tonight and
bringing two boots yeah
nineteen twenty nine
and it lasted
until the late nineteen thirties
or early 40s wow
11 years so that
shit was 11 years oh my god
that’s a lot
man famous footwear
would have been
banking dude that’s
scary as fuck man when you hear shit like that
great depression
right now because even
the title of it
a great depression that shit’s depressing man
you’re fucking bumming me out yeah
why couldn’t they pick a better name for it like the
super happy time the economic
down period
you know call it the economic down everybody’s
broke but we’re having a good time
depression is a fucking terrible word that’s just
gray film that’s what i see i see
black and white
movies with crying and
blood and suicides
did you see
that fucking guy try to commit suicide in the roman
i think was
roman parliament or something like that
the guy fucking swan dives in the middle of this
he’s in the middle of this you know
this assembly room
and he gets on top of this balcony and fucking jumps
and he lives
wow cause he only fell like 30 feet
he falls and slams into these
chairs and gets
fucked up i mean he gets
fucked up dude
and he doesn’t even try to
catch himself he’s trying to commit suicide
while he’s doing it just
lived when i
was a kid a guy at the bar i hung out with he
tried to kill himself his name was johnny reid
he jumped off like a
building he landed a construction dumpster and lived
oh my and his head
still and he
would fuck he was just
he was just retarded one day i showed him my dick
well that was like eighteen i put it on the
chair next to him i tap them on the
shoulder wow
and that was together
they never talk to me
again johnny read
it was romania
bathroom it was a
romanian parliament
sorry sup dog hmm
brian big pimping
over the holidays look at him you get you
should see it sling and
thinking give us
bubble because
it’s really crazy
the guy says
you killed our future
and then fucking swan dives
it’s nowhere near high enough to kill him
i don’t know what the fuck he was thinking
just attention i can
never imagine trying to keep
could commit suicide and
fucking up and you
gotta be around your friends and shit you
wanna see this guy
not i wanna see that fucking momo
she jumps off a
building and lives you
should be shot and fucking hunk
they should arrest you for felony
stupid when you do that shit
hilarious how committing suicide is
against the law
is it sure in america too of course
what happens to you if you commit suicide
and you fail you can’t help someone either i mean look
at that cavorkian
people who want
to die you can’t help them you can’t help them
kill themselves
even if they’re
dying even if they’re in horrible horrible
pain you’re not allowed to help them kill themselves
that’s ridiculous
there’s a certain
point in time when people are not
gonna come back
you know there’s a certain
point in time when someone’s in
terrible terrible agony
help them you know give
them some shit so they don’t have to fucking feel that
why is that so hard to do
well how can you lock someone up for that
you know but then you find out
about cavoorcan
that he was really kind of a creepy fuck
he used to draw like
these horrible
this horrible artwork like
about murders and shit really like
something like really morose
about but think
about it joe rogan
if i call you
at two in the morning you sit here your little stone
should look
down you’re watching a
movie and i call you up and say joe
i don’t want to live no more i come up by your
house i want to kill myself
you would say really come on up
i’ll help you no he’s
loose i’ll push him for the
traffic there’s
a motherfucker that
clearly doesn’t know me
ladies and gentlemen
if it’s three o’clock in the morning i see joey
diaz’s number of the call id i
go oh fuck that motherfucker that
crazy asshole what is he doing i’m going to
sleep no joey
what time did you go to bed last night
using my pool
what time did you go to bed last
night i almost called you
it’s always like four
i’ve been worse lately i’ve been like not being able to
sleep till like 5 30
that happens
you swing a
dog you up every night you
slinging dick you know i’m saying you going to parties
for me is writing
you know i get my best writing done
late at night
you know i just can i can
think better when the world’s asleep
you know there’s just something
about i can go deeper into my head
you know say i go the opposite way i gotta go to
sleep and you got up early do you
yeah i like to get up at
three like monday i got up at three
last night i got up at like three
thirty and wrote for a little
while i think my craziest shit at
night but then i get two fucking
stones i gotta go back to bed
i get so fucking
stones at three four in the morning you know
yeah and i try to keep under control like one bong hit
another one and i will lay the little coffee joey we
gotta get you in that tank
you would fucking love it
you would fucking love it yeah i like all that
piece you need to get in the isolation tank
they got one i think
they can fit in there the kid emailed me
the one you can go to the one in burbank
too there’s one kid fucking email
me your buddy what’s his name
craig crash crash yeah
what is this
float lab venice
by this okay
yeah he’s he’s the master now
after you leave the master
how do you feel can i
drive back oh fuck yeah you don’t feel
drunk or anything no
you’re a hundred percent sober
you’ll feel so
relaxed you know when i go to acupuncture
i leave acupuncture on tuesdays and
thursdays that night i don’t plan not because i don’t
but i know how
this is why i say i know how you love to get blasted
you like to get high as fuck just
blasted by myself
while you’re there you’re
eating cookies and shit i’ve had conversations with you
with this is a typical conversation with joey
like any any
given eleven p
m evening dog dog
i just ate this banana
bread i’m fucked up
i’m fucked up
i hide from my wife are you fucking
fucking doing i
say joe rogan are you fucking kidding
me are you fucking kidding me
are you fucking
so fucking blasted sometimes
you would love
an isolation tank man because when you get that
blasted and then you
climb in the tank you go on
these journeys man it’s like the most insane amusement
park ride ever
you can go on
these journeys in your own mind
like you go on
these fantastic adventures
when you’re super big
especially if you eat it
something about eating it and getting
in the tank holy shit i have hallucinations man i see
a lot of animated
things a lot of
weird cartoons play out
a lot of like
weird fucking i
mean really but really repeated
shit like it repeats itself the same sort of themes
over and over again
and a lot of
it is like animated characters it’s almost like some
crazy fucking gonzo dimension that you can peer into
when you’re super high
when you’re
super super fucking
orange suit here what are we doing i’m
taking what fucking
part time for
southwest we’re looking for nasa
you don’t even know that’s a good jacket then
ryan gave it to me for christmas
what you get it from i
gotta wear it out of respect
what you got it
from retro store and
studio city that’s just like an old
retro clip clothing
store plus when i want to say
silly things
i feel so much more comfortable saying
silly things look like this
you know i think we
should do a
whole podcast
where we just have goggles on
we just start talking crazy shit
i almost lost an eye the
other day for my cat by the way
motherfucker cats were chasing each
other i was laying on couch
cat jumps down and claw hits me
corner of eye
other corner of eye and right
below on hitting my eyelid
stuck like that
in just like almost ripped
like it was your cat’s a cunt
micro is your cat
can jump on you he was getting chased by the
other cat and listen
man you catch it
never think i
can jump on your face right
i think it was like a more of a fall jump you
gotta learn how to
smack your cat in the ass
oh dude it was so you
gotta make sure that your cat is
treating you like a
bitch your cat is saying i
don’t have to run on your shoulder
and be considerate i’ll run on your fucking head yeah
cause my comfort is more important to me than you yeah
your cat punked you bro i know that’s bullshit that’s
crazy out of nowhere
i almost this
is what you do you
gotta grab your cat
by the back of the neck
you gotta grab your
cat by the back of the neck and look at him in the eye
and say listen hooker
this shit ain’t
gonna fly okay
i’m the one who comes
with the food i’m the one who comes with the massages
you don’t claw my fucking eyes out shithead
and then put him down i’ll
never do it
again yeah make
sure you got the goggles on when you say that yeah
i’m saying so
he won’t fucking scratch you
again the eyeball he’s just
paying me back for my rodeo cat
videos i’ve been doing with him have you seen that no
this thing where he sits on the back of the
chair i just
start shaking it
and he just holds on as tight as he can
until he falls off but he loves it he just
jumps back up and he’s like do it
again do it
again oh so it’s like a game you guys
play yeah it’s
cool it’s like earthquake
so you have little
agreements with
cats like games that you’ll play with them
like i have one cat like i there’s an
agreement when i get her on her back and i
shake her stomach then
she’s allowed to bite me and kick me
then we’re playing
they’re playing like bite me and kick me yeah you
know it’s like we know we both know what we’re doing
you know she
doesn’t really bite me hard and she’s really
kicked me hard and we just like oh why you i oughta
you know it’s weird
you know what i mean you get like little
agreements with cats
you know like when it’s time to play and dogs too yeah
you know they know like you
they’re like
they know we’re playing now oh here we’re
gonna do this
thing that we always do like they don’t even know
a word of english they have no idea how to talk
but yet they
understand how fucking amazing are pets
i love it how
fucking amazing they’re
great if you take care of them man
they’re great if you love them and take care of
them if you love your pet and it’s just amazing
that’s the most
excitement i get at
three in the morning
because my kurt my cats they’re so alert at
three in the morning
they’re out
and i can feel they’re
nocturnal right i
could see them
fucking around and how they get and i get up and
and i’m like
the pope of the fucking neighborhood with the animals
i walked my wife to the
train at seven
i walked back i stopped by the two cats in the corner
biggie and choco and then
these two old
ladies have a dog and i fucking walk around the block
do you really walk a
dog man yeah cause
i’ve always loved
oh i fucking love animals
every time i come over my
house joey’s more
excited to see my dogs than me oh my god it’s
it’s something they give you
and once you have that
understanding with them
even the throw this at this is
the the dog i walk
walks around with a
muzzle thing
yeah and i just went up there one
day fuck you and your
muzzle bitch
you don’t intimidate me
right bite me
i’ve been bit before
and she’s like you can see it’s she’s like one of
those shirt
shepherd mixes
yeah and once in a
while they get
hit in the head with a hammer when they’re youngest
and they don’t come back
those shepherds
those fucking nazi dogs
those dogs can be very mean this dog she
even says it the owner even says to me she’s i can’t
understand what you have with her
i’m a criminal i know
these fucking dogs i’m an
expert on fucking dog that was a burglar jack
you gotta know dogs you know and
i have no gotta
love them and stand your
i have no fear of dogs i had a dog bite me in the face
i had a dog paw
me i’ve been bit all over my fucking body
i have no fear of dogs
i’ve been bit by a fear
of dog i got bit by
water day by a dog
did you really yeah this
i went over this person’s
house that have two dogs
that that kind of
they stay outside to guard the
house you know like there’s a fence
going around the
whole entire house
but they’re mean they’re
they’re dogs that
their family dog but they they live outside for the
majority of the time
and this dog was
barking are they big
how big are they
they’re pretty big
about your size of
well no not
like i don’t know 70
pounds yes a
little yeah big
dog big dog
and it was one of
those things
where i was supposed to go around
the back and i was trying to go through the front
and the dog sitting
here barking like
i’m like hey i’m like i
guess i’m not
gonna go through the
front and then my friend
called me goes no no go around back i’m like okay
so go around back and he meets me at the gate
but right when he opens the gate the dog just
lunges at me and bites me
right in the nipple
whoa and it hurt
and it was sore and there was like a little
you know bruising
over there but do you have
a thick jacket on yeah
i had like a
like a sweatshirt on or something like that god but
it hurt i mean it didn’t puncture skin
really but it was all
bruised the next day yeah what the fuck is
wrong with this dog yeah
i mean then
after a second he was like hey
that’s a fucked up dog because
the owner was there
and the owner and you were communicating
that dog didn’t realize that you’re a friend that’s an
idiot that dog’s retarded
but then a few seconds
after i was in there the dog
realized oh it’s friends and then was nice get a look
at your dog
no i just lick it
bitch you heard it
lick it you fucking hurt me that’s not a bad
that is cool man
it’s not cool and it came out of nowhere i always
think that was your face man
right i always
think like oh dog
lunges at you you’re
gonna be like oh you know
or something like no i was just like what the fuck oh
that’s the opposite
that’s the other side of pets man
they are animals even your cat
if your cat wanted to attack you man you
would be fucked
yeah you know
i had a feral
cat for a while
and when they’re mad and they get
crazy and they get nutty they’re terrifying
and they’re little tiny
things i’m gonna tell you
something i tell all your viewers at home
in three or four years as a burglar
i burglarized
houses with
pit bulls dolman
pinch and one
german shepherd the german shepherd ripped my hand open
brian look at the scar
look at the scar with a bob wire went
right through the fucking
thing and it ripped it open
jesus the worst
animal ever and any drug burglary any burglary ever had
was a siamese cat
really friend’s house
i didn’t i didn’t go into the
house i was outside with a gun
because i didn’t
wouldn’t let him come down he wanted to come down
all i could hear was this cat go
when he was attacking the shit out of him attack him
he come to the back and
throw the jewelry off and the cat was on his head
pulling this like till this day that guy still has
like a claw
in his head that had just grew over the skin grew over
from burglarizing
that colombian drug dealer she was a colombian
chick and and she
would always go in the room and
weigh the coke we didn’t know why why
i didn’t know i didn’t know why i kept
saying why did you go in the room
bring it out here
she would always go in the room
and that’s the
reason why she had a cat that she couldn’t let out
whoa the door was always locked
and i never seen the cat but when we’ve tried to
break into house my
buddy seen the fucking cat
so it was an attack
siamese cat attacks i
skinny one of those
skinny ugly
motherfuckers that
he was on his head at one
point he was looking
over the balcony he’s like i’m coming down the cat
will i throw the coke down he’s
throwing the coke down the jewelry
watch by watch
the cat was on his head
pulling upward
and i’ll never forget that he had the cat
bite its neck trying to pull it off his fucking head
and the cat had all four claws
into his head it was
classic i remember
going to the pawnshop to sell the jewelry
and he had blood all over his face
it’s hard to
kill a cat it’s hard it was fucking high this was the
worst animal
attack i’ve ever seen
and you think
about how strong cats are and they’re so
small you know it’s so
scary and they’re so
small imagine like a big cat
imagine a big imagine getting jacked by a mountain lion
what the fuck man
you can’t get
those you would shit your
pants if a fucking mountain lion
can they’re so
strong too that’s what everybody always says
about them too if they’re fucking monsters
the power that
everything is just too much what a
bunch of crazy assholes that keep them as pets
you know it’s not that hard to get
licenses for shit like that like in nevada mike
tyson had a
bunch of shit
he had like a
if he had a lion if he had a
bunch of shit like that
there was some dude who got arrested
in you know you didn’t get arrested he died excuse me
he was in i think he was in harlem
and he had a tiger and a crocodile
and like a bunch of shit in his apartment
dude had an apartment with a tiger in it
he had a tiger in a cage in his fucking apartment
did you hear about that
fucking did you hear about that bus recently in la
there was that bus with all the cats there was like 240
240 cats and like this
woman had like one of those in one
house storage storage
storage like you know where you rent storage
with cats filled with 240 some 50 cats
half of them were like dead and she had like
some kind of
sickness where she had to take care of all
these cats oh my god it was
crazy i was in california like two weeks ago yeah
right down the corner here yeah fucking pomona one of
those places two hundred and forty fucking cats
that’s fucked up
is it is it ever gonna be possible
to fix people of that
is it ever gonna be
are we ever gonna have a society
where there’s no people who have
250 fucking cats
dying and shit
all over themselves in a storage container
no cause that’s just is it possible
watch orders
just watch fucking
orders right but
every week what’s the difference between them and you
the best the best episode of horrors
is when they pull some up and go oh what’s this
and they pull up like a dead cat and lady goes
that’s what happened to kitty
like wait a second
your cat disappeared in your fucking house
four years ago
and you didn’t
smell it you didn’t see it it’s just
i mean you gotta
watch i don’t
watch it every day
but if i’m switching channels and hoarders is on
i fucking watch
human beings have a horrendous
smell when they’re
dying wow please
i was a kid we
lived in an
apartment building and this lady died
she just died in her
house old lady
and she was
a fucking mean cunt to by the way this old lady
and nobody was happy
happier than me she like when she died like
she was creepy creepy old lady
anyway she she died and we were walking by her
house or apartment and just stunk
the smell is so specific
and it goes
in your nose that stays that goes in your
throat it makes you
wanna get horrible it’s
worse than any
other animal smell dead
i’ve smelled a
bunch of dead animals it’s nothing like a
human humans
we got a very
particular reiki oh
god from a block away funk ass
from a block away
smelled of dead
human listen dog
when i was a kid i was about
eight or nine
i was about
eight or nine
ace living 205 west ada
treat during the week with the jews nice
white people
right in amsterdam
where your boy lives
but then in the summers i
would go to
148 to my godmother’s house
and it was two dimensions the kids on
88th street were nice kids they played wiffle ball and
organized you went up to
1480 the first
those motherfuckers
said to you
you want to see a dead body
and we go on the george washington bridge
we take our bikes to go see a body that we weren’t
gonna report
holy shit yeah we didn’t report nothing
those days that body was there for fucking weeks oh my
god i remember being
eight or nine then
come on let’s go we ride our bike come on well
here we go fucking kids and all
sudden there you go and they put
boards on top of
from a block away you can hear the
flies the flies
you can hear it oh my goodness it makes the
flies go fucking nuts and then
in 94 i had a buddy
god bless us all
working with a dump
in lynnhurst new jersey
and he made like fifty
grand of the year but he made another hundred
grand of the year
every month somebody put envelopes in this fucking
thing because they they don’t really
they don’t really
break up the recyclables
right they just dump them all
into one that’s what the mob was doing
he was working at a dumpster as part of a city job
and i’m in my way
borrowed his car wants to do come he goes dog you
wanna see a foot
like a dead body
and it was under rubble like garbage just
going into fucking that elizabeth
all that shit jersey with the garbages
so that you come off that exit
it smells like ass
you just get used to it he was used to it
you know i just walk
up to me go come on you want to see fucking a dead body
you go out for
miles there’d be rats running
right in front
of you and he’d be talking to you like it was nothing
i see a rat i shit my
pants there’s
spots where you
drive through new jersey where it
smells so bad you
know how the fuck can
this be legal
what are they doing
what the fuck are you doing that
everything smells like shit
there’s one
thing with cows that happens with cows
have you ever been by a cow farm
yeah yeah when
dairy farms and you know
where there’s a lot of cows man
my family used to live in pennsylvania they lived in
wilkes barre
like out in like kind of the
and with the row
who else had there’s a one dude who had a
whole bunch of them he’s got
patty and he’s got patty
so i would drive to go
visit them i had to pass through this
whole area where there was cows
and fucking
a it smelled bad for like a half an hour
driving for a full half an hour it just
smelled like shit
i grew up in that shit you
start getting used to it but isn’t that
okay i get that you
would get used to it but
aren’t you taking something into your body when you’re
smelling that
i mean it’s not as simple as you’re just
smelling it
right you’re
smelling that there’s particles in the air
and you’re breathing that in as well
if it’s that insanely offensive to your nostrils
isn’t that some sort of a warning
that your body’s not supposed to have it
inside of it or it’s some kind of nature’s way of
trying to get you to produce
smelling ass and so now you wanna fuck
cows or something
you know what i mean
i can smell
the ass you know how
animals way trying to
trick you you know how like animals when
they’re trying to breathe they
smell each other’s ass and
stuff like that like dogs
smell each other’s ass and like animals
smell each other’s butts
right maybe there’s some kind of
weird hidden
try never mind
you were you were talking from the sense of
fuck i did i
tried to listen to you on that i
tried to go with
you you’re talking from the
sense of like that
movie where they showed that every
i’m saying it’s
just particles
but you’re smelling this
shit has to affect
you it’s going in your body man
it’s not just
i mean it’s a fine shit messed in the
air is what it is you know i grew up by the metalines
that’s what people say
to me you should
smoke from a
humidifier bitch
i’m from the middlelands
the fuck you been a fire
that’s better for your
lungs bitch i
swear with the hudson a
humid i swear
with the hudson
did you really swim in the
hudson when i was a kid you go over there once and
twice and you jump in
and you see a seal
and you fucking come up with a with a
with an eel on top of you
you know and a foot bad as i know
it’s hard this is
twenty years ago when there was a
place towards
under the bridge like nobody goes
fishing in that
right no no isn’t
that hilarious
that that’s just accepted
it’s accepted that there’s
gonna be a certain amount of pollution
and that we’re just listen fuck this
river we’re just
gonna dump our shit at this
river there’s seven
fucking billion people living on this one
tiny island fuck the
river you can’t fish in the river
it’s accepted that that’s
pollution i
wouldn’t fucking go in there but i tell you what’s
crazy those days
puerto ricans
are coming from the bronx on the weekends there
must be someone who fishes in it
no they’re definitely people listen to you
really people will fish
but the puerto ricans are come down with a volkswagen
and take 90 people out there the conga
drum on the couch
have you ever drove by a
paper mill before yes that shit’s disgusting that is
the worst smell wow there’s a whole
association the hudson
river fishermen’s association
sounds hot is that hudson
river strike bass new york harbor
where’s that
i wouldn’t fucking swim
drink that water
nothing even that
plane that landed fucking it’s all rusty now
stop playing little
sully landed
that motherfucker
they tried to take it on a
wheel fell out that
should eat right guys
are fishing in new york harbors
that is that
right there they fish down by
the like by the village down there like over by by by
they do they do by wall
street that be fucking six
bucks that which
fish out there
by we go statue of
liberty wow
very strange
i wouldn’t need any i did see
my friend mike
astley’s one time
get an eel out of the hudson
slit it open and eat his fucking heart
what something
crazy was like
those eels look like little
snakes but he
ate an eel fucking one time
and eel’s head oh yeah they got some serious fucking
problems here
oh please pcps
chemicals discovered the
other dude talking
about all the different this is like way back
listen bro let me explain some to you
you got the
bridge you got the bridge
you got the bridge you got
new york city harlem and you got new jersey
northern new jersey you got that bridge
every day a cop pulls a kid over the kid
throws the drugs out the window
if that’s happened every day for thirty years that
waters fucked
that waters disgusting that
with george washington was there
and he shot
cannonballs at the indians across the fucking
don’t doesn’t the sewers
empty out into that to
the sewers empty out into the oceans
no what happens there
when i was a kid
there was the charles river
it’s in boston there was
a branch of it was by my house
and we used to go
there and hang
out and we were walking across this little area
and i saw something
bubbling up in the water and
and i looked
at it i was like what the fuck is that it’s
like something is like a broken something like a pipe
cause there’s like a flow of
water that’s coming up
and i see all
these things
floating in it
and then i saw a condom
and then i realized what it is i saw lumps
of shit i’m like oh my god like this is shit water
that just pouring directly into the river
it’s coming out in a big flow
like i don’t know if it was a broken pipe
or is just how
they dump it off that’s what they do i don’t
trust water no more
first of all
it was disgusting i don’t even
trust that shit in the bottle
i trust the bottle
we’re all listen bro we’re all fucked
bullshit what’s that what your buddies
penn and teller did the best show ever
about water yeah
about this water
where it comes from san antonio from some fucking
geyser and the
people say it comes from alaska but the best
was when they went to beverly hills to a water bar
and they were in there they
would take the
water from a hose
and and giving it to
these fucking momos in beverly hills
oh my god this
water is watering my
body water bars
and these idiots are like oh my god this
water i can feel the nuttiness
from france
bitch it comes with my
hoes from fucking la that’s the nuttiness from france
you know my wife is a big
water filter
300 dollar every month for
filter right
i tried to prove a
point i got a
glass of water
i filled it i left in the
cabinet for two days it was fucking
green two days later oh
did i tell you what happened to me i had a
water cooler one of
those you know like hot cold
water coolers with the chug jugs
had it for like
three years you know
never thought anything of it you know just replaced it
every time i emptied
it whatever
notice the other day
it had like this
green tint to it
like the sun was shining through the window at the
right point and i was like what that looks a little
green and i poured it in a
glass and looked at him like no it looks fine
then i went
somewhere on
the road with you came back and it looked a little bit
greener and i’m like what
that is green now
so i took it out looked inside the tank
everything looked
clean and stuff
i was starting to
freak out it
started tasting and
smelling a little weird
finally i called
the company up and i’m like you know what’s
going on here it seems like it’s getting a little
green but i look inside and
everything is fine they’re like oh you have to
clean those out like
every three
months you know that
right and i’m like whoa i’ve had this for
three years
never cleaned it at once
they’re like
they’re like yeah take it
apart so i took it
apart and just
green mold underneath the
thing just has been i’ve been
drinking swamp
water for the last there you go 15
a month and so then they’re like they’re
like no you must wash it out with bleach and all
this crap so i fucking washed it out with bleach yeah
or like put
bleach in there
what is this product
again like a
water cooler you know how like
you would get the jugs like arrowhead
water and put it
on the thing
that one of
those things you have to
clean the insides of it yes you’re supposed to
clean that i
never knew this you’re supposed to
clean that thing out like
every three to six
months is what they told me
i’ve had mine for
three years with bleach
yeah they said like a cup of
like a little
tab of bleach and mix it with
water run it through a couple times
i started running it through a couple
times and whatever happened like the bleach somehow
started eating away at some of the metal
so then i put another jug on i thought it was all
cleaned out
pour my glass of
water i look down this time there was like all
these little
black dots in there
i’m like what are all
these black spots
i found out
that the bleach had like
disintegrated something or
i don’t know
what the mold disintegrated something and now i was
drinking like
metal so i just
threw the fucking
thing out now i’m like fuck what do
i do i don’t know if i want to go back that way bottled
water seems like the way to go you know
drink it and
throw it away it’s really interesting for my
sleep apnea
machine it has a reservoir
where you put
water in it so it’s a
humidifier so it keeps your
throat moist
at night it
won’t snort it’s so
weird i’m supposed to put distilled
water in there
right and i put distilled
water in there all the time the machine’s
great i clean that once a week with bleach and the
whole thing
when i go on the road i don’t use distilled water
and it’s very interesting but i
could tell you
where who’s got the dirtiest fucking waters
after i come home from the road
really like arizona is disgusting
fuck that tucson trip we took when we go for the
ufc just last
month we went down there for something
not arizona
state yeah yeah we did the wednesday
night that no austin
austin austin
the fucking filter
was disgusting when i got back so not arizona austin
texas gray is
shit really when i went to arizona that’s why one time
i went to arizona this year when i came back it was a
three night trip
the fucking machine was gray
water so i could tell the
local water
and even if i buy bottled
water it comes back
clean but sometimes it just the
local water from the bathroom
i could tell
you just from that machine who’s got the good
water and dirty
water arizona
test recently
there was some some
study that was published that showed 31
different cities
have elevated
levels of certain chemicals that they believe
might be carcinogens
that are in the
water 31 cities
elevated levels some of them like 200 times the
level that they
think would be appropriate
and they all have prescription drugs in them yeah
yeah all prescription drugs in them people
flush their shit down the toilet right
so our dicks are
gonna get harder we’re all
gonna have we’re
gonna get headaches pregnant
think about that man
i mean they’re not
levels though
are they levels that you can
i don’t know but what if
cause like one of the
there’s no psychoactive levels of drugs that
have ever been found in the right really
isn’t it why not i think it’s like parts per million
what if it gets to the point that
birth control starts getting into the
water too where everyone who drinks
water cannot get pregnant anymore
well tony’s whores to stop
flushing their birth control pills could you imagine
if you’re such a whore you have so much
birth control pills
that when you flush them nobody can get pregnant
that’s what a whore you are you fucking pig
how about just lay off the dick
you have to take a billion pills and keep
stuff and cox in your clam
cause what they’re saying is like the prescription drug
gets in the water and it can’t get out of the
water they can’t take it out of the
water anymore can they
no so the more the longer we live the more
that chemical is gonna be put into the water to the
water to the
water side well i don’t know about that i think
it must break down over time
or does it get worse
no i would imagine i mean
if something you know it’s
gonna be getting filtered somehow or another i mean the
population of earth has doubled since what the 1950s
and so our water might be being fucked
it might be
getting fucking like we don’t even realize that our
water at one
point we’re not
gonna be able to
drink it because if we
drink it and you’re allergic to penicillin
you’re gonna
break out in hives
and everything’s made out of water
that’s filthy
scary thing they recycle
you take a shower you come out you
smell like somebody else that’s fucking
dirty water that’s recycled
when you’re drinking
when you’re eating pasta
you know and you boil
water you know that
water still that funky water from the fucking
sink yeah you know so even if you try to
drink bottled water all the time are
you really making spaghetti with bottled
water i do do you
really is that the move
probably is the move right
well they say to boil water anyway right
if you boil water comes back pretty clean and
yeah pretty clean but not everything you don’t kill
everything you don’t kill a lot of chemicals hmm
fucking water
fucking water man how does it work they need
to find a substitute for
water but anything that would be a substitute for
water would be made from
water joey do you know anything about the juggalos
what’s the juggalos do you not know anything
about insane clown
posse nothing
this is a crazy move
gonna learn you it’s a crazy movement
there’s fucking millions of these guys
following the insane clown
posse all around the country
wearing makeup and shit
and they’re all like this motley crew
of unfortunate
tattoos and
just fucking
strange dental
structure and yeah
they’re a trip man
it’s a giant fucking movement now why did you bump into
these people
i didn’t bump into them i’m just like seeing it online
it’s one of
those things that like kind of
snuck up out of nowhere
so what do i have to do to become a juggalo
i gotta get
my fucking two
thousand you
gotta be into the insane
clown posse
now that’s a rap band yeah
that’s the one that dante had people
make fun of them honestly dante had a
fight with him one of
those guys i don’t know dante from hollywood
dante which dante dante
black dante how
many dante really
we know too
the comic too
okay i’m talking
about black dante
black dante
he got in a
fight with the insane
clown one of
those guys and we were telling you too
i don’t remember this tell me a
story look i don’t know the
story i don’t know i’ve
heard too many stories
now they hang out in hollywood
these people correct
i don’t know
i don’t know i don’t know much
about them this
is this happened five years ago with dante
and dante got in a
fight with one of them
dante is a big boy yeah you
gotta see him now that’s not a good move to get in the
fight with dante
he’s getting
ready for football
so he’s been running i see him football
is he forty
he plays semi pro football get the fuck out of here
when did he
start playing again
five years ago really yeah
how old is he
i think he’s
about 31 his football
he’s only 31
his bullet hole
his bullet wound is healed
that’s one of the funniest
things you could ever say he’s
ready to play his bullet wound is healed
you got shot away
how good is this c two o
this coconut
water and stuff love
it they sent me a whole case of
it i’ve been drinking that shit for two
three years i was playing this
is awesome this is the best one i’ve ever found
i like the zico
zico is good too
that was very good yeah
i’ve been buying
those in like the cartons now at the grocery stores now
carry them like almost like in milk carton type
things yeah
and then it’s like
it’s 3 99 but it’s pretty good but i
still like c2o better i just wish
you know i like this because i like it’s a big can
17 ounces what you
gotta do is take it out of the can and put it over ice
yeah that’s the patois
that’s the i like that
way it is no no no
put it over ice and you’ll see what
no no no it’s like coke one ice cubes has got fucking
cyanide in them coke
one coke one is okay but with ice cubes you
think you’re fucking
drinking coke
so you drink bottled water ice cubes too
you do that sometimes yeah sometimes yeah
i like that too my dad’s been making dacuries with it
with coconut
water his dad gets fucked up dude
my dad has a happy hour
every day he sits in the backyard
they both retired
and so so he just gets hammered every day
every day at five six o’clock they’ll sit
about have a
couple drinks not hammered but like two or
three drinks yeah gets lit
every day wow
you have take care
of yourself
huh does he take care of himself
oh yeah he works out every day
that’s why i thought it was funny
your dad’s a very
smart guy right yeah
very smart he’s some sort of inventor character yeah
engineer inventor trying to
break perpetual motion in his basement type kind of guy
kicks down a window
if he wants to
build a greenhouse and
he’ll be like i’m
gonna build a
greenhouse and just
smashes a window out and
builds a greenhouse with a hot tub in it
your car breaks down he’ll take the engine out
throw it on the ground
it’s crazy how
if the internet was
around when he was growing up
he would be a mad programmer he
would be a huge computer nerd
which is crazy because he
would have lost all those
skills you know like
building cars and tearing down walls because he
would have been addicted you could tell he
would have been addicted to the internet wow
do you ever try to get him into it now
yeah but i mean he has the same computer i got him like
seven years
ago do you ever ask him like how come he’s not into it
i think he is into it but i
think he just
i mean it’s
weird like people
having a laptop is
completely different
you know like if you had a computer in a computer room
you’ll probably
not use it as much as if you had a laptop on the
couch laptop in bed i
think the laptop is the
crack for people
once they get a laptop well your dad probably
doesn’t know
where to begin
probably doesn’t know
i mean but that’s why it’s so curious
to me that your dad is so intelligent and so curious
that why wouldn’t he be like all over the net why
wouldn’t he be online
every day like reading new
things i think
he does document i
think it does to a
point he just
doesn’t take it to the advantage because
you can’t get hooked on this shit dog there’s other
things to fucking life too
no i understand just
cause you’re
smart but you
gotta sit on this fucking
thing all day either
no no what i’m
saying is you read
something once
and why you move on with the guys like it’s a
whole life out oh no i understand
all fucking life the guys a
super curious guy that’s all saying
we’re all saying
but when you’re a guy like
brian and his dad is
a lot like brian
like you would say like man
like you don’t
know what you’re missing a lot of people they did it’s
never how was
your father
sixty something
that means that
means he’s getting one foot in the
grave on a banana peel by the time he
starts learning
about it’s like me why i didn’t take acid i
why i didn’t take ecstasy
because i was
already hooked on coke i got enough problems
with coke i’m
gonna open up a fucking
thing of ecstasy now
same thing with his dad he’s
smart enough
you don’t need to fucking look at computers
he wants to sit in the back and
drink coconut water
he just equated
a man looking to computers as to why you don’t yeah
60 something fucking years old
you think he’s got time he don’t want to be like
he wants to get his dick sucked
you know what i’m saying before he dies that’s why he’s
drinking daiquiris
and having a good time on the balcony
you want him out there with a fucking
thing like this fucking momo
playing on the
thing taking
pictures of the cats that guy’s got
one i think
did die i understand that i
think that reading
things on the
internet makes life more interesting oh i read shit
every day but i’m not
gonna live on man fucking
you know you
gotta do all this shit well
i mean yeah
for sure you have to live your life
i mean fuck that shit
being on it all the time is not the move but
not at all it’s not the
movie either no
but you can’t believe
everything you fucking read on there anyway
gives a fuck i’m
gonna sit there and
watch these documentaries
everything get the fuck out of here i’m living life
i’m doing my own
motherfucking
documentary i believe you like what’s his name my my
what’s his name the guy
that tina turner’s husband
like turn we’re making our own
movies you’re writing our own books fuck
these bitches you know i’m saying
you gotta be there
on the other day
about the simian fucking who gives a fuck
it’s raining for days out there that one
on one’s backed up the pieces
give a fuck
about some fucking
now joey when are you
going to eventually
move off of my
space because i’ve noticed you
still do your blogs on
my i’m never
going off my
well here’s the deal if my
space goes away
then it goes away then i’ll burn that they’re
gonna take away all your blogs
i got them on i got on my wordpress don’t you
think it’s dealing with
some fucking novice relax
what’s with the question you
ready for the
school fucking paper
it’s christmas go on fucking
watermark com
brian why do you care if he’s on my because
i tell you why i don’t want to go on two different
things i tell you guys why
because my twitter people
a little fucking
crazy and i like you
motherfuckers that’s why i put the blog on twitter
after i do it on myspace
my facebook people got family
people on there they got people have kids on there
and they look at a lot of shit so i
gotta be careful what i say
which is perfect
that’s why myspace i’m proving the fucking
point that we
gotta stop being
sheep people
you gotta stop jumping on the next big fucking thing
you know by the time
by the end of the year we’ll
have 10 fucking gs on an iphone you got all of them
you gotta relax you
gotta control yourself
this is what i’m gonna
stick to for a
while i’m just
gonna say that
i’m just gonna say i thought
i didn’t know you had it like too
bad because my
space in my opinion one day is
gonna go way oh
please it’s garbage
it’s garbage and i didn’t want you
to lose all
your shorts
gonna go away
dude it’s pretty bad they’re
i mean people back hands off
they’re just
drowning in loss right now
really money
isn’t that incredible
that they used to be so huge just a
short period of time ago
that is the most fickle
thing i think i’ve ever seen but that’s
society nowadays i know we’re on something for six
months and we move on
that’s not good anymore
who fucking told you it wasn’t facebook
starting to go down a bad path though lately
have you noticed that i’ve been getting like spam
from fucking
comics and bob
levy or whatever his name is called leaving land
i think i’ve
blocked the guy
i’ve unfriended the guy
but somehow i’m
still getting
fucking two messages a day
about leaving land
usa and i’m like all
right this is impossible
no that’s cause
bob levy’s my friend i go
into your settings and i fuck yeah you probably do add
i got him every time
but that’s a perfect
example is bob
on here oh no
he got rid of bob
put him back in
here that was the beginning
stages of myspace
if every fucking week we come
out with a new fad and a new fucking thing
we gotta put the foot down joey i’m just
proud of you that you’re online
i remember when you
weren’t even online
i remember when you
wouldn’t make text messages i remember you i
still don’t do text
you tell him
i have a phone
the page is fine
page is fine i don’t need a
fucking phone
no fucking phone
i want people calling
me and telling me shit so you stop text messaging
yeah i cut it out
what happened
because people too much stupidly
text message me
if there’s a dollar bill number at the end of it yeah
don’t text message me some
stupid shit i’m waiting for you
under the light just
call me don’t text message me some shit that makes me
think you just
need a hug yeah i don’t need that shit my way
you know somebody sends you a message
it’s like on facebook i love facebook i love twitter
but somebody says they
wanna have a conversation on that i don’t wanna have
a conversation on facebook
tell me what you
gotta tell me
i’ll tell you and move on with your life
then they write you back
thank you for
what the fuck
let it go move on to the next fucking momo
you say how long do you want a
city i can’t do that i can’t do that at all i don’t my
ad you don’t type that well either
right so i type
you know i type i’m better than i was before
i took type in
two years of typing in high
school but that was
twenty years ago and
thirty million fucking joints you know
i did it from
mavis baking
teaches typing i used a computer program that’s how i
learned it’s fun
they make it like a game
you know that’s how i
learned it i’m not that good though
i’m decent i know you’re really good i see you
you’re very good i just
you know i’m having a good time with the computer i
write a lot on the computer but no more text messaging
not too much
they abused
it right those
fuck listen
i just don’t like people that they use this business
that’s why i didn’t like i didn’t
like you know if you
think you want me to do your fucking show call me
hey are you available tuesday
the eighth i just
hurt my ear
tuesday the eighth
this is business i don’t want no mix ups
you know what i’m saying
right i understand
yeah i understand that yeah i
agree just call me
you said something a couple of weeks ago
that i don’t
understand you told
me you told me you go you don’t
understand joe when you get busier
the computer bitch
when you were doing news
radio there was no computer you were getting
sus was calling you direct
direct call me
bitch right well
text me you can
definitely get more
things i know
because call me
i’m sick of calling me
i’m almost if i
could take that as an option out i will probably do it
there’s certain
things though that you have to get done yeah
conversation yeah i don’t like
but for the
majority it’s like
certain conversations
i get in conversations on a message
board and i
go fuck what kind of can of worms and i open up here
because this is
gonna take a long
time to really
truly explain
a very very involved subject
that’s too wild i can’t i don’t have the time man
not only it’s not even a time
thing i don’t have the
effort i’m too
focused in too many different areas like i try to
on message boards
especially i try to put in as much time as i can
and talk about stuff
and go back and forth with things but
fuck man i got so much
other shit to do it’s like it’s really like
it’s counterproductive to me till i get into any
really deep
discussion those
things become a huge pain in
the ass but
also when i’m doing something i’m in a mindset
you know and the
phone rings and
i’m just like
fuck this i can’t
answer this
cause it’s gonna ruin my thought process
that’s why i like texting
cause when i’m done with something i’ll just go like
okay yes no blue purple vagina
right well that’s when you want like trivial
subjects on a message
board you want to go you know they just cured
aids with stem cells
whole and you want to look at that and just type
holy shit we can fuck with condoms with no condoms now
you know i mean it’s like you know
i’m saying like you know you don’t get in some gigantic
debate about something
you know just something fascinating and interesting
but the ones when you get
drawn into a man
those go on
for days and days
because it’s such an ineffective way to communicate
you write something out
and then i write a response and i wait for
you it’s like fucking god damn that’s time consuming
i like twitter
because 140 fucking words get
out of there
and i’ll tell you what if i see
six seven in a row
that someone sends me
and they just oh you’re
crazy click
blocked you
can’t you can’t just take up my
whole thing just trying to communicate with me about
every fucking
thing you can
think i hate it
yeah it becomes annoying
but the beautiful
thing is that you
could stop that you
could stop people from just clogging it up
and i just i
just ban people i’m
like if they
start like just acting a fool
then i just but there’s plenty of cool people in it too
people are always
sending me cool twitter links
and they’re always
sending me interesting stories and interesting you know
interesting
videos i get
great music
music that shit
cool music last
night somebody sent me
i hadn’t seen in 15 fucking years so what was it the
bruce lee the bruce lee
chuck norris
fight from the
from the coliseum
seems trivial to you but if you
haven’t seen it in 15 20 years you’re like wow
yeah that’s fucking
great that’s a
great classic
he starts boxing them
and the cats are running around if you know anything
about the roman coliseum
they got a million
cats walking around that sorry
did they film that at the coliseum
i don’t know because the first
scene is a set
and they turn the
camera around it looks like the coliseum they’re there
or they did some footage there but it’s so
weird like if you know anything
about the coliseum they have like i said they have
20 million fucking
cats walking around it’s just infested
with generations and
generations of
death i’ve never been there man
i want to go though to rome yeah
i want to go
yeah i want
to go to rome and i want to go to athens i want to see
the parthenon
the acropolis i want to see all that
crazy shit you
know that was an amazing time man
it’s amazing that they were so advanced as far as
the incredible
buildings they were creating but then
nobody even bothered fixing them
nobody even bothered keeping them up
like society had crumbled so far
that they became rubble
some of the most incredible
structures like the people that built them
you got to go what happens
when the people that made this incredible quality of
building what happens when
they just die off what happens
when no one can do that shit anymore what happens when
you go through a few
generations and no one knows
how to fix the ceiling anymore because no one’s like
a carpenter
to the level that
these people were back then
then they just
start rotting out
and then it becomes nothing
pretty fucking nuts
when you think of like look at the
houses that are around if you
look at the surrounding area of rome or of athens
they’re all normal
modern houses now
but yet here’s
these insane
stone structures that have
stood the test of time
over here from a thousand years ago in this
amazing architecture and
incredible you
know precise
craftsmanship
all just a thousand years ago
you know it’s pretty amazing
stuff genius
and it all fell apart
all fell apart
you know what’s crazy bro
going back to that thing
about cannibalism
because the foot
no no because i was
thinking last
night or the
night before there was a show on
apl about the history of cats or something
and they were talking about
egypt and all that with the tombstones and what was
going on people were
dying right
and what they
were doing is let’s say somebody died there was
their favorite cat
they want the cat to go on the journey with well
shit dogs they
would take them in they get them
mummified yeah
but before they mummified they
break their neck
to make sure that they
would never leave
do you follow san anthea so once you went to
the life the soul
would go that life with you uh huh but if you
broke the cat all the cats next
that will mummified all the cats that were mummified
their necks were broken
how do you know that’s just not how they both
i guess that’s what they
what they were talking
about on the show last night
well that’s what they were doing
if somebody had a favorite cat and they died the cat
lived uh they
would kill the cat so you
could take the journey with them
oh and they would
wrap them up and shit like that
egyptians were
like really into cats yeah really into
cats too much but they it makes
it lips your eyebrows
about what the fuck were they really
thinking about
they were such a
smart civilization and so genki and shit
but they knew something like if your cat died
in those times and you had
before you buried your cat
you had to take him to some guy in the neighborhood
if that guy thought you abused a cat they’d kill you
what a fucking
they had the
records of all the cats in the neighborhood
it’s so crazy that they worship cats
you know two tut common
king tut and
his father akhenaten
they were both like deformed
they both had like extra long heads
they both had like these
weird physical
like some sort of a deformation of
their head they had like extra long heads
when they found
his dad and
all the depictions of them look like that too
i think his name is akanan
and and and two
ton comment if
you look at all the images of them they all have like
these weird kind of long heads
it’s really a trip man
i wonder if like
there’s a few instances of people
back in those days i mean if you look at
what egypt was able to accomplish
i wonder if there were like some
super fucking rainman
motherfuckers just a few
super rainman
motherfuckers that just
defied all the current
you know current
like iq level iq levels
intelligence
levels just
just a few fucking
freaks a few
weird freaks
you know like
every now and then there’s a dude who’s born lexis
and lexington
steals dick
you know dude’s got like a 14 inch dick
that’s not normal
but it’s so far
above normal it’s like what happens there
you could can a
brain be born like that can you get a 14 inch dick
brain you know
cause if you can
could you imagine
yeah but was he just really good at like i
could build
shoes better than this person you know that he was just
smarter for
that time period you know what i mean yeah i don’t know
i mean i don’t know what akhenaten accomplished or what
t tu tut common
he died when he was really young
most people died when they
were like yeah
some of them did
how old 35 40 i
think it was
i think it was tut
moses one of them
lived so long
that by the time he died everyone that was
alive had been born during his
tidal reign
and they were so
concerned that when he died that
the world would end
they had not
known life without this guy
i forget which one that was
not really big up on
my pharaohs
it’s too much to
think about man
i’ve watched these
egyptian documentaries like
magical egypt’s fascinating shit
but it’s like six fucking
hours at least six
hours of dvds
and it’s like you’re trying to pay attention and keep
track and you’re like whoa
if you really wanted to
lose your mind
get into egypt get into
studying age in
egypt because it’s so complicated and so surreal
that you like look at
these people they drew these
their language consisted of nutty
stick figures
and they were all
about stars and
transcending this life
and yet they made the most insane
structures ever
known to men like they were like a
super psychedelic culture
where’s pompeii
i don’t know
india right
that’s bump
wait bombay
pompeii pompanos in
pompeii let’s find out
why just no because i seen that pink
floyd to the concert and
they put on dvd like you
know 1970s in
italy pompeii
it’s in italy pom
p o m p e i
p e i yeah it’s in it’s a province
of naples playing
floyd live upon
pay fucking
tremendous they set the
equipment out there the dark side of the moon
i wonder what it’s like
going back to the old country and hanging out with
those italians i bet they’re
fucking freak
breadsticks in the
olive garden
i bet there are
freaks i heard the best foods in spain
really foods off the chain yeah
really yeah i heard from
yeah it’s like
places like that right like the passion places like
spain and france and italy
and like these
they’re considered like real passionate
you know like passionately european
countries for us
we just go over and have a good time but german
is not oh my god we went to italy
and it was just
i love it when you do that but it’s interestingly
german is not considered passionate
they’re not they’re considered cold and calculated
and their food kind of sucks
i mean yeah the
wiener schnitzels and shit like that and there’s a lot
of sausages it’s okay
but doesn’t
compare to like italian food
like italian cuisine like the
depth of italian cuisine
like german food is like
it’s okay it’s amazing
it’s very cut
and dry number one ethnic food in the united states
fucking delicious
italian food
every night and any
other it’s all comfort food
i mean think of what italian food is it’s all
pastas lasagnas and meat
sauce and it’s all just comfort fucking
delicious yeah it’s the best spaghetti and meatballs
that this is something
about the whole
culture that that comes out of you know
it says a lot
about how the people are living like
it’s healthy but you know the fuck
it’s not made for health it’s made for
taste tomorrow
night’s one of the
nights i would love to be home because tomorrow night
those fucking guineas
they do it right my friends in jersey they do it
right though they do
the night of the
seven mars the seven fish
seven fucking fish you gotta eat
seven and it
starts with
those skinny little
little what’s the
smelts and they go to
then they go to the
clams then they go to the mussels
then they go to the fucking shrimp
then they go to the
clam they put the
bread i miss i miss
sausage and peppers
sausage and
pepper sub fried
for breakfast i get it down here at cavaretta
but it’s with tomato
sauce they have
it with sauce
that’s how they do it out here
know it’s good it’s
great it’s delicious i’m
happy just to have i had this morning
but i like this
the fried kind
right from yoga me and my wife were we
gonna yoga at 8
30 how many
points is that a million
sausage of peppers i
think i gave it like
14 i had the
small yeah if that
i had yeah sausage
not a lot of
points six not
one sausage
down one sausage
it’s not you eat
92 but weight
watches change the point
system change the
fat people are fucking at arms me
i just stuck to the old
points because that’s all dude i like the new
points the new
points you can
understand you
can eat i don’t fucking
understand well pretty much the new
point systems now you can eat
as much vegetables and
fruit right
which i did
always i did
always i never
counted my points on
fruit anyway
but they doubled up on the
pasta and shit
well that makes sense like
there was some like there was too many like
like you should not be allowed to eat like two point
cheese it’s all day you know
like you should not be able to do that there was
things like that like like
it just hadn’t been updated in so long you
guys with all
these explain if you’re talking
about this you
gotta explain what the fuck this all means weight
watchers are
weight watchers is a
point based
system it’s usually it used to be
based bosley
on calories dietary fat
fiber and fat
grams and the
more fiber the
least the point
right right
you add up all the
points all the vegetables you want all the
points yeah i
never counted my
points of vegetables of
fruit because i knew it was a scam it’s all
water scam and i was
right the new
systems the new
system is way more accurate
just based on
recent finding like
that goes little fucking milk one of
those little cheese that come with the
the thing like
like a triangle strike or
blue mugga move
fucking one
point those cheeses yeah
with four crackers that’s
three points i’m full on one of
those fucking thing yeah
that delicious you come home at
night from doing
a gig i don’t have to eat a big meal no more
i need an apple and a
piece of cheese how many
points you get a day
it’s just it’s
based on your it’s
based on your
thirty nine
it’s based on your weight and height though my
points are in
his height i
mean is fifty
those little cheese cheese
fuck up my whole
day new booze
or something blue but they got blue cheese and swish
that two for six dollars and
fucking wraps i got a week
i eat one a day in between meals delicious
there’s so many little
things but the
every calorie is a
for every for
every 60 calories it’s a point
okay so like when i go to the gym and work on the bike
let’s say i burn 600 calories on the bike at six points
so now you can eat all the
fruit and vegetables you want
right the new
systems too but i always did
which is how it should be
because in the past it used to be like
fuck i’m so hungry
i only have four
points left
i’m just gonna eat two of these
you know two
point snicker bars or something like that like
it should been like oh no i’m just
gonna eat a
bunch of vegetables and
fruit and i have to worry
about that i’m hungry
you know you
should be allowed to do that that’s how it
should have been
anyways every week i go i go to the farmers market
sundays i get
strawberries i get blueberries i get raspberries
i got a cantaloupe
i got a pineapple i chop it up i put in containers
and you eat if you’re more than 300
pounds you gotta eat
more than we
gotta eat fruit
seven times a day to lose weight
seven times a day you gotta eat
fruit to lose fucking weight
really now the
sugar from fruit
it’s not bad for you
not like the
sugar that you put well let me tell you something
is it because it’s attached to fiber
it’s natural
it’s i mean like
sugar’s not bad for you eating a shitload
of sugar yeah
yeah drinking
six cans of coke
right yeah it’s
probably worse to have a diet coke than a fucking
brian has always scared the shit out of me
because brian i was always fucking putting down
those packages when i have coffee
like i’m always scared
equal and all that shit yeah and then
so now i read
i oh i read
man you suck
i read last week that fucking
sugar isn’t really that bad feeling ten days ago
they say there’s
the amount that you have in the day that’s bad for you
it’s not that
that day you know if you have 16 cups of coffee with 16
tablespoons
sugar it’s gonna fucking kill you you know
hey you know what sucks
is how popular rainbows are
lately there was a double rainbow yesterday in burbank
and it was at staples
and all the cashiers and everyone ran outside to take
photos of it and i’m sitting here
going i just need to
check out i’m late i need to i need to
there was nobody in the
store and they’re all
going double rainbow my god no
how is either people
hey man it’s just like you just can’t
appreciate nature man
it’s like maybe you need to fucking
relax man okay
all this bullshit
that you see here okay this is man made all right
the real beauty is in nature it
doesn’t matter man whether or not you fucking
get checked out in time
right here’s the
spoon right there phil
oh now i’m looking for the stevia
joey diaz just had it
yeah but it’s like before that
video props to dan
quinn before that
video there was no like
freaking out
on rainbows that was like oh look a rainbow there
now it’s like people running outside to take
photos of it for
their twitter just people are
goddamn sheep brian
it’s like we were talking
about earlier with
about liberia
people get used to
things being a certain way
and then that’s the way they are
the way they are now when you see a rainbow you
freak out i know
if you live in portland oregon you seen a rainbow
every day of your life like
yeah another one whatever it’s fucking constantly
raining it’s hot you see a rainbow
every day of
your fucking life you know what i’m saying i’m
gonna run outside it was
weird though with that rainbow yesterday
it was the closest
i ever thought i got to the actual end of a rainbow
i don’t think it’s
possible no i don’t
think it’s possible to can you get
to an end of a
random i don’t
think it is
it’s like an optical illusion
right of course but there was this was the first time
where i actually was like dude it looks like it’s
right there
the end of it and it was like a trader joe’s yeah
i think it moves as you move yeah like the oil
like oil like in a desert type
thing or you know oasis
and oasis i mean yeah
maybe perhaps
but it was so
weird because like
it looked like
literally like
on the other side of this
building is the end of the rainbow i’ve
never seen it that
close before it was fucked up hmm
maybe you ever chased a rainbow
maybe everyone just
doesn’t know brian
maybe there is some rainbows that are different than
other rainbows and when you get to the end of them
you find gold
so i heard and you have to fight a leprechaun
i heard somebody got a higher primate tattoo
yeah posted on the forum yeah some dude on
on my facebook page
he’s got a higher primate
tattoo by the way those t shirts
are they’re coming out with new designs
right or something’s coming up yeah we’re gonna
watch new shit come out i that was one of my favorite
t shirts like the one that i have i love
that t shirts like fits perfect and everything this
tattoos really
not that terrible just eyeballs a little off but he
could fix that easy yeah
um yeah it’s um
it’s a good
good they’re really
cool man the guys who designed them they’re badass yeah
we got some
new shit coming out we got one coming out with shiva
gonna work on that one
powerful are prima sheba
i’m branching out son
i sold over a
dozen of them shirts
i’m a goddamn
entrepreneur
entrepreneurs
some dude sent me this
email hey man
i want you to consider stop saying cocksucker
because you stopped saying faggot
now i’d like you to consider to stop saying cocksucker
and all i could
think of is you
i’m like how am i
gonna do my joey diaz impression
if i can’t say cocksucker
i’m going home
what the fuck cock sucker
somebody i don’t
understand look up
there’s nothing
wrong with sucking a cock and it’s not
it’s not even a bad thing
you know i mean if you want to suck a cock you
should suck a cock
it’s like if someone called you a pussy eater
it’s really the same thing
would i feel bad that you’re calling me a pussy eater
shut up it’s dumb i don’t even call
cocksucker like that call it more as an expression
exactly it doesn’t
even mean it’s an expression of love when i
call you a cocksucker if i don’t call you a cocksucker
but you should really
think about
where we fucking
stand joey diaz will call me
anytime of the
night and go
what’s going on cock sucker
or cock licker sometimes it’s cock
licker sometimes it’s cock licker
cause sometimes you
still look like a cock
you know saying
you got a sweet i don’t take none of that shit
it’s nothing
wrong with it it’s nothing
wrong with it i know that sometimes it
annoys people
but it’s not even a derogatory
statement but it’s still
i am if you can’t you’re talking about an
you’re talking
about an act you’re talking
about sucking a cock it’s not even a bad person
you can’t keep making
that’s not the
solution and the solution is not say less
things the solution is be nicer
the solution is not
stop saying cocksucker that’s
silly you’re missing the
whole fucking
point you should be able to
say anything the only reason why you don’t say anything
because a bunch of people are
bunch of fucking
sensitive cunts and you can’t just keep explaining
yourself over and over and over and over and over again
we live in a
very politically correct society half of us
the other half a
while fucks like me and
you know what this days i listen to
i listen to a cat podcast
and the guy is as
white as a republican
as tight ass as he
could be but i
enjoy it you don’t
curse at all and i
enjoy him well i don’t you don’t have
to you don’t
have to curse i
enjoy some things
interested in
what you’re saying
you don’t like cocksucker
go hang out with fucking gaffigan
or something like that i don’t give a fuck will
you go hang out here’s the deal we all know there’s a
bunch of different words and we can use
yeah they just
use whatever words you want
what i want to know is who are you as a human
and if you you know and
if you’re judging someone by the words they’re
using and not judging them by who they are
you know come on man like really you care for guy
swears you care for guy
you know talks
about certain subjects that you know
might be a bit controversial
like when you get people that are like
super sensitive
about shit like
that it’s just like come on man what’s the
point even talking
i have never left a place
even though i’ve had a bad
experience with it
and i don’t
think it’s time i don’t think no
place is worth
going home and writing a letter
i went to a restaurant
last week that was fucking horrible
i you know whose
fault it was
mine yeah you
know what the
usual want i
think shit like yelp
if you’ve had
some bad situations and you know you can go
to like yelp
and you look and there’s like one star
how many times did you go
to commister and you walk to the back to get your check
and they gave
you a hand and you a letter you’re like what’s this
and this is a letter of fan wrote
that you insulted somebody you said the word cunt
sucker if you’re
gonna go home and
write a letter
because i said some honest to god i don’t
think you have a fucking life
i have bad experiences a lot of times
i went to home buffet
in burbank two weeks ago
well this is that is it
again i was
starving i was
starving applebee’s was packed i went
shopping in that mall there
and i go how bad is hometown before
you get a salad
worst thing i can get a
salad you can’t get a fucking
salad somewhere
brian when i tell you the
salad dressings the
salad was brown okay
but why wouldn’t you be able to why
shouldn’t you be able to talk
about this on a yelp ad
mark wouldn’t you make a little
will my fault
for fucking
going there no it’s not i’m an adult
i’m a fucking
adult i know better no
i say to people
this why when people come up to me
especially people who live in california
especially you two fucking momos
when you come
up to me and some of you want to see a
movie that sucked
i want to stab you
because you
see behind the curtain
you see behind
see behind you
just want to go to the
movies didn’t you just
watch that movie the
other day that was
awful though
what was the one we were just talking
about the beginning of the podcast
you watched
riley or though
what the movie he said he was
watching at the beginning of the podcast you
watched a movie the
other day and was awful
i don’t remember the
show i did say that but i didn’t
watch the whole movie
the island of dr moreau
with denzel
no no no no
book of eli book of eli
i turned off
in 15 minutes
but i didn’t get my fucking car
and drive the
fucking malibu
no i would never take somebody else’s opinion
listen if you want
to see that
if you went to see that fucking
movie with angelina jolie
and that other fucking momo who i love donnie brasco
you’re a fucking
idiot you left
there and said that wasn’t what i thought it was
you should be shot hung
and thrown under the jail
and then fucked in the ass by a
bunch of runaway fucking
slaves because you’re a fucking
idiot you know
where they have slaves
huh where they have
slaves anywhere the
slaves around they live in houston they got
those little chinese
women they bring and they suck your dick
and they got to pay money to get their
uncle out of fucking
whatever immigration
status is some shit you know see that fucking csm
oh the drifters
yeah no the drifter girls in houston you have
a drifter called the
human trafficking yeah
human trafficking is very big in houston
very big in a couple and so you
think they should get fucked by
human traffickers if they what
if what movie they like
any movie that you go see you
like i read a
tweet of the other day i want to see
tron it was horrible
what would make you go see that fucking
movie i saw tron it was terrible he
liked it he liked it you
think it was that bad it was kinda interesting
why would you go see that movie for the 3d
what 3d the
whole concept to me was fascinating if you got really
baked joey and you saw a 3d movie it
might be awesome it’d be like
i don’t it’s not for me it
might be for you you like pink
floyd the wall you know it was really
wack i didn’t like pink
floyd the wall the movie
i like pink
floyd the wall of life
thing that you have
to wear 3d glasses
did you see tron brian
no i’m waiting for
the madness to die down a little bit we’ll see half of
those shit movies
and people realize that 3d is the shit
well what the fuck is wrong
it’s fun man
listen dude it’s just like
watching a goddamn
comic book to me i like
comic books i liked it when i was a kid i looked like a
comic book movie
and that’s what i tron
was tron was a comic book
movie you like
comic books i’m telling
you you like
comic books fuck yeah
i used to be into the fantastic four i had a place
bobby something he used to collect
things that we used to go up there buy
comic books from them and rob
the good ones and take them to the city and sell them
bobby the call
i like things
i like things that aren’t realistic
i think they’re fun
you know i don’t mind
to the suspension of disbelief or
comic book movie
doesn’t bother me
i love to be
taken away for two hours
but tron don’t take me away the
whole time i’m
thinking why
the fuck did i come to this shit
it wasn’t the weed
store buying a bag of dope or
something it kept me
occupied it
wasn’t terrible see
absolutely more than
listen bro that hangover there you people
think it’s fucking
great i watch
it i like that
movie and it was bro
stevens is in that
movie i love that
movie it was no
classic that
movie was fun as
well it was no
fight wasn’t it bro please
because there’s nothing to put up next to it
that’s why there’s nothing
going on it was
annoying i don’t
know i enjoyed it it was an
okay movie okay
it was not a groundbreaking subject a
bunch of guys get fucked up and
what did we do last
night i mean it’s not
but i thought it was well
we’re in a shitty fucking society that’s weak
and that’s why
these movies go over now they
wouldn’t go over 20 years ago when you hot
had a high quality of
movies bro these
movies wouldn’t
go like that new one that fokker
three looks like diarrhea
that is it the
third fokker movie
that looks like
warm diarrhea
right there one of my idols that got me into this
whole thing was when i seen deer hunter
well i seen fucking taxi driver
and i seen deniro put that gun through his head
and do all that shit i knew i wasn’t
gonna end up here
but the narrow
you gotta stop it and stop
sir now you
have to suck at
sir now you are
fucking hard anymore
and the choices you’re making you
might as well
do one on you
and shoot yourself yeah
tales of yania
just shoot just tales of yanya
he did the one with the show
it’s a fake narnia it’s a
quilting it’s a
quilting trinity i
don’t want to
i love you to
death but let it go
yeah let it he’s almost
playing a character from himself
now and it’s gross
what was that what was that narnia movie
chronicles of
jania whatever the fuck that
narnia yeah yeah
tell me what it is brian yeah yeah shit
because of narnia no but he wasn’t in there
no he was in the other one
he was no michelle fight the princess in the
fucking some shit i would
watch that if you fucking held the gun to my head
just cause i got better things to do my fucking time
why would you
watch that i’m done with him and i’m also done with
you know what’s
weird and this is off subject completely off subject
but i want to know what that movie was
chronicles of yeah yeah
let me tell you this is the
first one stardust
if you’ve heard that’s it that’s it
read this bad with michelle
oh my god look at
the movie theater that that came up
that came out
friday 11 30 and the
movie got released
this looks like some shit that was made by
some saudi arabia
trillionaire yeah like
royal family member
listen this is what we’re
going to have we’re
going to have ancient time erin
what about the
yeah yeah no no chronicles in
yacht may like this
is something
different man this is
yeah that was stardust
who was in it read the cast the hero
michelle pfeiffer
oh i don’t know
and they tried to get pacino for a scarface reunion for
yeah yeah for that whatever they just
shows those two on this
somebody else that
will be to it
so gross stardust
that green hornet looks fucking bad too oh that looks
awful that carl’s
jr commercial
look fucking
oh bruce lee
is in his grave
making a comeback
after he’s seen that fucking
piece of shit
that’s a piece of shit
the kid didn’t even know what the fuck it’s
about so let’s just
why the fuck are we doing
this what do you mean the kid didn’t know that
fucking idiot
rogan monster
green fucking horn seth rogen
those nothing they got some fucking filipino to pay
bruce lee i got nothing
against filipinos got my people
you know i’m saying
but the guy was fucking chinese you know i’m saying
have you guys seen the
musical that
trey and matt
are doing in new york city it opens like next
month it’s a musical
about mormons
it’s called like oh no dude
one of my favorite
things about
trey and matt the guys that do
south park is that they’re
musicals like
you know south park was
a musical and he’s had a cannibal
musical and stuff
this is a whole
play based on mormons and it’s a musical
fucking yo stardust got
seven point nine stars
yeah out of ten yeah
right right
by it i have to
buy it i have to
buy it i have
to buy it ian
mcclellan’s in it
yeah that’s
damn they came with the long cast they got in
robert de niro
michelle pfeiffer charlie cox
kate mcgowan
they got some respectable people in this
i wonder who they got
first that they
connected everybody else to probably de niro
we have robert de niro
this is a good
movie what about
the spider man playing
the show beautiful
that’s a fucking idea oh did
you hear about the
what’s his name that did that twitter
and he got in
trouble for saying it
fuck what’s his name he said something did you hear
about the spider man guy no
there’s a play on new york
a spider man play yeah didn’t aren’t people getting fed
up to this play yeah this
stunt man fell four times
and they got bono and the
other fucking momo the
storm you know
oh yes we’re
gonna julie
tamar we’re
gonna pull this off
first of all it’s a million a week
to keep the doors open
yeah so what economy
a week ticket
thing about
sixty minutes
three weeks ago
publicizing it
a million dollars for
production a week for a play in
new york city what is this this is spider man the play
what the fuck are they doing
just because bono god
you mean bono and the
storm rewrote it
wait a minute bono like the guy from you two he wrote a
we live in a coen brothers movie
we fucking do man listen to what you just said
there’s a fucking play it involves
spider man and it’s on
broadway and
it cost a million dollars a week to keep on
production bono and the
storm wrote the
music for it
and they’ve had four shutdowns already four
people fall down
because she wants to do like a thing
where it’s a play
so do they do
flips and shit flips rings people flying across
lights but it’s
gonna cost a deuce
on a tuesday night
to go see this
in this economy a million dollar
production now
after five people fall in and all the setbacks
they’re still like it’s
gonna go on
they’re not
gonna have the co creator of los damon
lindoff or whatever his name said with
great power comes
great response wap
bam crashed
you know he said that and i
guess the stuntman that
did that is like in serious condition made of a walk
again or something like that
so we got a shitload of heat and so
he retweeted
last night i had no idea the
stuntman was so injured
seriously injured bad
taste honest regards and hopefully a
speedy recovery but he got
fuck like people were pissed at him for that tweet
it’s funny how tweets
nowadays you can just say a
tweet and it
could change your
whole career
who was really
who was really yeah you can say something douchey
this is like
watching cnn
showbiz report they’re like
listen come back what everybody’s talking
about who’s talking about it
what fucking momo’s talking
about the stuff
that the guy
that he tweeted who’s talking about this
who’s talking
about who gives a fuck
i give a fuck who gives a fuck we’re
talking about
inquiring minds are talking
about on tmz
people fucking
stuck in some hole
under a cave and talking
about it because they got nothing better to do
in a jail cell
people with lives don’t give a fuck
people with bills and mortgages don’t give a fuck
that’s the book of mormon that’s
their new musical
when does it
come out new york city a previous february 24th opens
march 24th but
those guys are awesome
thank god they’re alive
i know for real
nobody has entertained me more than the
south park guys over the course of
their careers no one no one even comes close
those guys have been putting it out for
over a decade
strong it was like when i
first heard
about them i
first watched the
brian boytano
what would brian boytano do
that was like
shit that was like
it seems like
that was like 98 or something like that yeah
that was so long ago
a long ass time ago
it seems like when i saw it was somewhere around then
yeah what would
bamblatana it
might even been before 98 man because i
think i was living in encino
are you playing what would ryan boytano do the craziest
thing was i did that
yeah which movie did you do baseball not
that i give a fuck
oh yeah that’s right you were in baseball like
you have no idea what are you talking about
yeah he played one of the rugby cool
okay you know
fuck they’re bad motherfuckers man i’d be very happy
with those guys well you know whatever
especially after that karlsmanzia episode
look how old school i was
and i just want my mom to stop fighting everyone
or when they all be inactive in two
cause that’s what my boys are
like my avocado
do someone say my name
look at you you little mess up
so what do you got to line up for the
rest of the week
nothing just maxing
and relaxing kicking back i’m going out to lay in low
what are you
doing with john lovett’s tonight in the morning
are you felipe
spas a couple other guys that was saying one
tonight and
tomorrow yeah well damn you doing a christmas eve
show damn it’s
gonna be crazy at
that universal
get there early
let me tell you something last year
fucking they said that last christmas eve or last no
no gabriel did last christmas day
and he did four
shows in the last show he took everybody to eat
and he had them
out till five in the morning gene simmons included
he had the whole play he took them all out to eat
really show
everybody he took the
whole crown out to eat the
whole three
flowers of that
fucking holy shit
where where the fuck did they
fit everybody in something
daddy somewhere
and they fit everybody in yeah
wow well half the people went
whole fucking he took that’s hilarious fucking nuts
that’s hilarious
so it’s they said
might be crazy including gene
sims so gene
sims is a big comedy fan huh
yes four new episodes coming out of his show by the way
who gene simmons for new episodes about what
i don’t know
his his reality show show
you watch it
no i don’t watch i just saw
i’ve been watching celebrity rehab at
eddie bravo’s recommendation and my
god is it good yeah it’s the best
this isn’t even a good
one get into that show this isn’t even a good one
oh it’s plenty this
isn’t even a good
season it’s
plenty you care
about any dick
i don’t care
about any of
those andy dick was on yeah
oh you missed a good
season this is i’ve
lived with any
dick for five years not
lived with him
but worked with
him nothing i don’t need to see that show
i hope andy’s
we’re just talking
about 100 grand
for 21 days and then they’re
gonna heal you
dude let me tell
you something man this episode’s getting me man or this
season’s getting
me if this isn’t a good one
yeah i know it’s
you got it eric
roberts is fucking fine okay
eric roberts is surrounded by
these maniacs and nuts and all he’s hooked on is weed
yeah okay so
every day people are
going through dts they’re
shaking lifeguards trying to fucking fix he’s like i
gotta get out of here i
gotta get out of here
i gotta get out of here i
gotta get out of here
meanwhile eric roberts
has got his reading
glasses on he’s
drinking a cup of
coffee looking through the
paper like a gentleman
there’s nothing
wrong with that guy
eric roberts if you’re out there if you’re listening
listen to me man you don’t need to stop smoking weed
you just need better people to
smoke weed with
that’s what your problem is you’re
freaking out you’re by yourself okay what
about the billionaire
kid that could be a
fuck poor kid
that poor kid man that
poor kid is in a terrible situation
where he’s raised by
some fucking cunt bag that didn’t pay attention to him
this dad was
never know i like last
season it sucks
man it sucks but you know that’s how you
raise a shitty kid i’ll be
a mess man you
could tell suck oh oh
i just gotta
tell her she’s got it
she looks like she’s a
dirty what about the
model you know
her eyebrows were
freaking me the fuck out though
her eyebrows were not
where they were supposed to be
and it was driving me nuts
well they’re not
drawn on man they’re just pulled up way and like
she’s not that old man
she’s a young girl she’s pretty enough like she
doesn’t have to keep fucking with herself
it’s like girls
they get to a certain
point where they’re trying to continually
tweak things
you gotta realize that any guy who
would give a fuck
about those minute
differences that you’re trying to sort out in your face
that guy’s a douchebag or
shoes yeah come on just fucking let it go so you’re
gonna get a line in your forehead
we’re all gonna die you’re
gonna be fine
let that fucking line grow on your forehead what
about the line that kid
dropped last week
that was the
greatest popular
line of all time in a reality show
what was an
argument that the kid actor from the hills goes
i’ve been at
eight rehabs
i’ve never seen anything like this i’ve
never seen anything like this
eight rehabs and you’re
still trying
and he’s like fucking
mook and he’s like 25
eight rehabs
eight rehabs and you
haven’t figured out
fuck it i’m
going for broke
how old is that dude he’s been to
eight rehabs
you know how
many how many
one because they made me go on the halfway house
because i came back hot for
weighing cocaine
as it goes through your skin when you wait on the scale
oh so i came back hot
so they said you we put you back in jail for six months
or you have to go to rehab and i
found this rehab and boulder
all you had to do
is go from two to six and you’d be healed in four weeks
but they they ate it
right up really you’re
gonna go to
and they want like a
grand and that said i had to go from two to six
and i would go down i got a little
chick that was there her name was
patrice twine
from michigan
she would suck my dick
every afternoon
and during the
break like from two to four and then for four to
four twenty we have a single break
and she’d suck
my dick i do a line with her at the fucking
empty thing
i appreciate
i appreciate rehab for some people i
think we both know people that just cannot do things
they just whatever
the fuck it is when they do a bump or they
smoke a joint
or they do a shot they are
gonna go off on a goddamn
blackout adventure of death and
here’s the real problem you know this
cause you have
addicted personality to games and pool we discuss this
say gays or gays
it’s really
weird and brian knows as we’ve all discusses
but you go to
fifty fucking rehabs
and unless you’re
ready to quit you ain’t gonna quit yeah it
doesn’t know here’s the here’s the real
issue here’s
here’s the real issue
they’re not using
all the best
methods that are available it’s very simple
if you look throughout
human history
as the number one most effective way
to get over an addiction
it’s eyeball
gain eyeball
gained the super
psychedelic drug that’s illegal in america
people have taken that
stuff and it’s got
some insane rate of healing people from addictions like
in the 90 and you’re talking about
when you’re talking about 90
of people that are addicted
like god and a lot of them have to go back to the
same environment a lot of people are impulsive but it
it’s such an insanely
introspective experience
you see all of your wiring and
where things are
going wrong
with the wrong
connections
we don’t allow any eye opening shit here you know why
because it makes no
money because if we did that there’d be no rehabs you
know we gonna wait
watch well no it’s not
even that we
gotta wait watch
you can’t and here’s the
funny thing
about weight watches
it’s a corporation for you to lose weight
but they don’t want you to lose weight guy
guy it’s not that they
don’t want to heal you that
they haven’t thought
about it this far in advance it’s that there’s no
money in the cure i begain
whatever it is it grows it’s the same
thing like marijuana but it’s 4 000 for the treatment
to get the doctor in your room with the
blood pressure
to check your
blood pressure the
street days of
sweating and
psychological trips
and one whole
thing we can open up rehabs
where people go into that paid 8 000
and get healed and
never have to go back
the rehabs that were around the open now they get
money from repeat business
they want you to get them healthy
right they don’t
really want you to get healthy yeah but
i really believe i think i really thought they
were involved in
treatment or trying to help people
i really do no they’re trying to help people
they really are i’m trying to help brian
but the fucking odds the recidivism rate i don’t
think they know
i don’t think they know
about ibogaine i
think there’s
a very small percentage of the people
that are involved in any addiction
behavior counseling
like you know like if
you look at like like dr drew like he does he would not
even consider
a psychedelic drug trip
to cure you of addictions he would
never consider it
meanwhile if you but hold on a
second if you look at it on paper
if you look
at the people that have actually experienced
these things like
it looks like there’s
something there and it looks like it was not just like
with actual studies they’ve done on
everything i read
about it is positive
very positive
everything i read
about it positive
if i come to you
right now and say joe rogan
guess what you’re not
gonna have to
ever go on the road and do comedy no more we’re
gonna build this
stage right here
and you’re gonna do comedy of this a new
system and we’re
gonna do comedy
with the computer
and people don’t even
need to leave the
house anymore
to leave the
house you know to
watch comedy
right watch comedy
from the house live
well this is
sort of an extension of that’s
gonna take well oh no you’re not seeing
where i’m going with that
that’s gonna take a piece of
money out of your pocket it is if i
avoided comedy clubs
and just started doing
thing on the computer people
could see it for free
and you couldn’t
tour that’s what i’m trying to say to you
if they bring this eyeball gain in
you’re only
going to come to my rehab one time and get healed
the percentage rates are
gonna be lower
so you’re taking
money out of my pot i don’t want to hit
right you know
i don’t i don’t
think that’s
the case i really don’t i don’t
think that these rehab centers don’t want
to heal people and they want to keep people i’m not
saying that i’m not saying that i don’t
know in reality in reality they know
about it the
fda will not approve it yes and it would ten
years the fda
improves it they won’t do it ten years away
twenty fifteen years away from the fda approved
but it’s so
even though
because you know
they thought in the
seventies like carl sagan
talked openly
about how easily marijuana
would be legal within a decade
they were like it was just inevitable it’s not
gonna be legal for another two or
three years
marijuana yeah we’re not i don’t
even believe that anymore
after this stupid law if you can’t pass in california
come on man this is the
if you don’t
this is that law
the apex of the information
age was it yeah
that sloppy was
completely i don’t think that
was completely
thrown together
sloppy okay
like i don’t know
there was like a bunch of
things like
it that law
would have passed it so it was legal to
smoke weed at work
you know as an example and
stuff like it was just thrown together really
bad come on
yeah that’s what a lot of people who are
against it we have to look this up you can’t say this
unless we know for sure well that’s one of the things
i know but we have to be careful
we have to be careful
we have to be
careful you
can’t say it
proposition
19 but there was
things like that thrown in there like multiple
things just
like that that were thrown in there that were just
sloppy and even people that wanted that
legalize marijuana
they didn’t
like it because it was just fucking thrown together bad
but if anything
it showed that it was you know the next time it’s on
if they have some more time to
write it better and
stuff like that it probably will pass i
think the word was that the
gross was saying
don’t vote yeah
well you go into pot shops don’t fucking
vote you go
to pot shops and
people would say not to vote for it
yeah because then they
would go under
that would be the problem is that
first of all no one
would have you
wouldn’t have to go to
these places to buy your pot
no but that we
wouldn’t have to be
licensed not necessarily because
these are medical
places right
totally different reason for selling and because
you can’t mix
the medical
places with you know with
places that are just for profit only
i’m sure you have to have different laws
maybe but it
would allow pot smoking at work
group claims is this true
that’s the dumbest shit i’ve ever
heard yeah like i was saying this law was
stupid i mean it was
sloppy and stupid
that’s why i didn’t pass it wasn’t a good
written law
somebody was
stoned when they
wrote that law they didn’t
think it out you know
california chamber
of commerce
claimed in legal analysis released
thursday that proposition nineteen
would lead to more workplace accidents
by forcing employers to let workers
smoke pot on the job see
these fucking
greedy stoners you
greedy cunts it’s a retarded
oh my god it’s amazing
i thought that had to be wrong
i was like i bet he’s
got it like only if it’s a job that you don’t operate
certain things
i love you man
come on dude
i do have faith but occasionally nice
we both know you say
you say some crazy shit
occasionally
don’t you but no you never
go all the stuff i say there’s there’s some truth to it
i’m like alex jones to don’t
know i saw alex going crazy the other day
i saw some fucking thing where he’s talking about deep
population and it’s happening it’s all going on
just wanted to go grab the guy and go get him a
drink come on
did you ever see him dressed up as the joker
no youtube that alex jones
joker he’s dressed up as the joker with like the
blood on his we should talk
about alex because the videos coming out this week
right we’re gonna have it done this week
i love alex jones like people
think oh joe rogan doesn’t like alex
jones thinks alex
jones an idiot
but i love that guy he’s fun he’s my friend
is he right
i don’t know he’s right
look i got more important things to think about
i’m worried about the universe okay
ladies and gentlemen i’m worried about aliens
bitch i work for nasa okay
i’m worried about really really interesting
things to me whether or not alex jones is
right about everything
that’s interesting as well i mean this the
study of the
human race the the the fall of room seeing all this
crazy shit go on
seeing how much of it is just nonsense and
crazy talk like
they’re gonna put
chips in your
corn flakes and it’s
gonna you know
come on how much is that’s real i don’t know
but i do know he’s
right about a lot of things
there’s a lot of shit
going on man
we’re seeing
we’re seeing
much more exposure
of all the corruption
in all levels of government
you know much more exposure than anybody
had ever had access to before and the government
doesn’t give a fuck that we know
yeah they don’t give a fuck
they cannot
do anything about
it no we can’t
you know think
about alex jones is that he’s great
and exposes us to a lot of
things and some of it
is useful some of it isn’t but at the end of the week
there’s nothing we
could do about it
there’s not a much we could do
about it because nobody’s
gonna even fucking get together the sign not
gonna put none
together well here’s reality here’s reality and this is
where it’s gonna get
sound really strange
this is what we can do about it
there’s not there’s nothing we can do
about it as far as
going out and
i mean look
obama thought he was
gonna change
things so how many got in office
guy wins the fucking nobel
prize then sends
thirty thousand more troops
to afghanistan
if he really thought that he was
gonna be able to do anything differently once
you get in office once you get in there you kind of
understand you’re
dealing with a machine that is just fucking
beyond your
comprehension so intertwined with corruption
but this is what you can do
what you can do is what we’re doing
what you can
do is what anybody out there is doing who’s showing
a more positive example and giving you
a more fun and
happy way to live your life
you inspire people
to potentially live
along those same lines
and that’s what you can do
that’s what you
could do with art and that’s what you
could do with with writing that’s what you
could do with any form of expression
and that’s what you can do
if you express yourself and let people know that that’s
how you’re living and this is the fun way to do it man
you don’t have to be a cunt you don’t have to be
a douchebag you don’t have to be out there raping the
world like that’s not the
right way to go about it
it’s not fun
you just need a lot of people to recognize that vision
and see it and realize hey we are only here for a
short amount of time
if you go around saying it’s all
about me living
life like a fucking douchebag
when it’s all over
you’re gonna have just
a wreck of a life you’re not gonna be
enjoying yourself you’re not
gonna be having a good time through this fucking
thing if we
could all recognize that we really
could put this
place in a different
frequency we really could
make human beings
respond and behave on a better
level than we’re doing now
the only way that we’re
gonna do this
to electrify the young
you gotta you
gotta get in
their head you
gotta inspire
these people
there’s people out there that
are hearing some of the shit that you’re saying the
shit that brian saying
some shit that duncan
says on this podcast they’re hearing all the shit
and it’s ringing in
their mind they’re hearing
eddie’s stories
when eddie starts talking
about jiu jitsu and
breaking down life and
breaking down
his own ability to figure out things
people hear
about shit like that man it gets you
thinking and you
start questioning
how have i been
managing my life have i been doing the same thing
i will now be inspired
to manage my life in a similar fashion and live in a
happy positive way and don’t get
stuck in some fucking trap
i don’t think that this
thing is it permanent
cause it’s not permanent
if you go around living like
you know you can just keep up
with this shit bag life and eventually someday you’re
gonna get a nap
you know you’re
gonna get a
point in your life
where you can settle down and
relax but that
point’s not fucking happening man
that’s not gonna happen
shit begets shit and it’s just
gonna get worse
cause your health is
gonna fail on you
keep it together bitches
very cheerful
to read those it is a
cheerful message because the reality is
the only way to do it is to really
if you really want to change the world
you have to inspire
young people
that’s how you change the world
the world is in people that
don’t have mortgages the
world is in people that
can still create new
things the world is in people that can
still take chances because they don’t have to
worry about coming home
to take care of
their kids the
world is in chances man
you can still inspire chances you can
still inspire
thinking you can
still inspire
positive energy
mad flavor is all up in this
bitch right
the fuck are you talking about
what the fuck i’m talking
about an orange fucking
suit on with goggles you know what i’m talking about
you’re fixing the world
we’re fixing this one guy at a time one tree
at a time but i
gotta compete with
paris hilton
you follow me you ain’t
doing shit for fucking nobody
i’m not looking to save the world
i’m just looking to get a few fucking laughs
smoke a few joints get healthy love my wife and my cats
and be able
to have a good time when i’m hanging out with you
motherfuckers
and part of
doing that is inspiring
other people part of doing that is making
other people laugh
when you’re
doing that and you’re inspiring people and making
other people have you are
literally creating a
better environment you’re forcing people to be happier
not forcing
them but you’re helping people to be happier
and you’re moving them
along in a good direction
that’s the future that’s the only way that we’re really
gonna have a future we
gotta work together
brian it’s your move uh
do you like
comic books
brian’s just
gonna masturbate watery
sperm onto his
i’m going to disneyland for christmas
i’m kind of nervous
never been to disneyland last time i was at disney
world was like
11 years old or something like that disneyland
is really fun when there’s no one there
right why would you want to go on a day what’s
gonna be you
think it’s gonna be mobbed
is disneyland
mobbed on christmas i thought
wouldn’t be
wow not really bad
stay home just
listen if you wanna go
what you’re supposed to do is go
while the kids are in school
right you don’t need to go on a special day son
you know that day’s not real that’s not
that hasn’t really even jesus’s birthday okay
jesus is like born in june or some shit
right this is fake
you get in the hotel room too
no no i was just gonna drive up
it’s like 45 minutes the pagans man it was
their holiday it was the winter solstice man
and like you know in
order to get
the pagans to be christians they combine holidays
whoa that’s
sad don’t go dude
go on like a tuesday day
you want to get there
early i just
for some reason i thought it
wouldn’t be
crowded oh you’re
crazy is always
crowded i heard two weeks ago it was
crowded on a saturday
he said it was the most
crowd he’s ever
seen in his fucking life really you don’t
appreciate disneyland
until you have little kids
oh my god when i take my little
daughter to disneyland i have
never had this much fun in my
grown life that i can remember
just taking her around and just
get on the teacup rides and then we’re
gonna do this ride
then we’re gonna do this ride
like so excited
at every turn
giant joyful
smiles and you see
these kids running around
you go now i get it
i didn’t get it before but
yeah but i always
thought of it as like it’s a pain in the ass my parents
were yelling at me don’t go anywhere get over here
where you going you know
i came here by myself when i was 10 and 11 and shit
really i just come out here my uncle
would drop me off at disneyland solo
and i’d spend the fucking
day out there and fly back to new york a week later wow
die yourself huh
don’t you meet friends there and fuck friends
i was living in new jersey
people from new jersey i’ll go to fucking disneyland
mugging kids and
those days yeah
drop me off one time he took
candy canes
out of his mouth
the next day he couldn’t go so he just
dropped me off and
they were like hundred bucks
i did some blow in the teacups
fucking teacups
it wasn’t a
small room for me
yeah you never seen anybody have fun you don’t
experience joy like joy
through a little two year old that’s your two year old
and she’s running around
park having a good time on rides like i totally
understand it all now man
i used to like
look i swear to god i used
to like look at people that had kids and look at the
things they were doing with kids
and i would say yeah you know
look at this guy loves this kid and this wife loves her
kid but here
they are hanging out at disneyland they don’t
wanna be in fucking disneyland
like they wanna they
wanna be home
i did i never really
understood that when your children are having fun
and they’re
laughing you like
laugh with them you have fun with them i
never kind of got that
until i had kids
very you know what i mean
it’s like i always said well you’re
happy for them sure
like you know they look at the kids
happy oh i’m
happy too that’s
great but it’s not that man it’s your happy too
you’re with them you’re like one of them like when they
get excited and jump around and laugh
you get like this charge through your body it’s like
the furnace of
whatever the fuck that’s in you your soul your spirit
is like the door opens to the furnace
and like winds of pure
oxygen blow on it that’s what it feels like it’s like
everything fires up
and it’s like
you just have this
insane feeling of love and happiness
watching his little kids
have a good time
laughing and joking around and cackling
and just having so much fun and
you know putting on a little princess
dress i am a princess i always thought that
would be annoying
but you don’t realize it’s not even a little
annoying it’s awesome
yeah you know it’s it’s a
crazy thing man
i always say
that having children is just like having mushrooms
if you haven’t done it shut the fuck up
cause you really don’t know
you really don’t know
having children is a strange trip man so strange
plus have you ever been around children and
watched pink
floyd the wall anyway hey
by the way if you’ve been to filthy jewish terrace com
what is that it’s a awesome web
org i’m sorry
filthy jewish terrace
org is a great website
one of my favorite websites and i just noticed that
ra shafir is on the
front page of it
he’s a terrorist
was it a comedy
no it’s a racist
jew ari shafir
posing as a
racist kkk clansman the jews are the most vile
racist creatures on the face of the
earth look at this jew
going around the hood somewhere deep in the
black neighborhood in the
inner city ghetto deep in the united
states of america
the jew attempts to
pose like a clan
member while making races into
your little that
marie marx rocket or
yeah hate that word
it’s good work man
but anyways that’s
crazy i just
wow filthy jew terrorist
org why don’t
maybe we shouldn’t want to promote that no i
wouldn’t promote it this is
awful we already said it
fuck you doing man
now are he’s
gonna get all this hate mail i’m
sorry my mom is
gonna told me
about this website it’s great
yeah don’t tell ari
about it all
right actually you have to tell him
about it now it’s on the podcast you fuck oh
how come you didn’t tell him
about it yet
you decided to broadcast this shit all throughout the
world that a bunch of
people who hate hate him
sorry ari bunch
of haters and you’re giving them all this props
ladies and gentlemen if you have any
self control
please do not go to that website do not support
these terrible people
they need jewish
flashlights
what’s the difference i think
there’s a different kind of vagina that the jew has
teeth and house teeth
stinky whoa
how many jewish girls have you had sex with your
whole life total
three three and how many of them stunk
one one stunk
and did this this one have a reason for
stinking that you
could discern
i don’t know she was just a
vegan just always was like a
dirty hippie at heart you
know what it
stink like it
smell like a butt
smell just like
cheese poor
showering poor
showering okay
no more comments
no more comments from mr
rico how rude
i’ll tell you what man
i’ve done some kissing
and telling back in my day but what are you talking
about not nice this is like ten
years ago i stopped this was ten years ago i stopped
a long time
ago when you realize it hurts
their feelings this is a
ten years ago there are
things to talk about
definitely i don’t even know who
that was in ohio too
there’s a different kind of
smell they come from
it’s the cow milk or the
better milk
that grass out there
they’re more hardy
they get more cow antibiotics in
their diet yeah what the fuck joe diaz look at him
he’s looking at me he’s like
poor kid he’s lost he’s lost
it’s a man boy these guys a little
he’s a man boy
be look out that calf and at his beard
well they say that when there’s a
i think i got this right
when there’s not as many
men around men
start shaving their head
their face and start
getting more feminine
but when there’s
more men around men start growing facial hair
really yeah
it’s almost like to let all the men know that they have
testosterone they grow the facial hair to let them know
and when there’s an abundance of women
and not that many men then men get all fucking girly
they start shaving
wearing cologne and shit
you wear cologne
joe dear like
fuck out of here
right that’s what i’m talking
about spring
give me some of that man that wears cologne i don’t
trust i don’t
trust him either hide some
especially if you wear some rappers cologne here’s a
fuck are you here’s
a tip most girls
that i’ve met
love cologne
they’re the ones that buy it for
me here’s a tip so i’m not
trying to hit on you
broken bitches yeah but i’m not trying to hit on you
i don’t care if you don’t like the
smell that i
spray on me but
i spray one little
spray and that girl
smells it they like
those girls are broken
those girls are broken
it’s like shoes
like i don’t give a fuck
about shoes
but if i buy
a certain kind of shoe a certain one you know
what girls like that they like what
smells like the inside of a cage
that’s what they like
they like wood odor
musk yeah like that’s
like we’ve just been running through a forest trying to
catch them and fuck them that’s
what they like that that’s the
smell they like you know
glade like the
kitchen glade
shit they have this new
kind that smells
musky it smells like a persian
nightclub and so now
the other day my friend
sprayed it in my
house and it now
it doesn’t smell like
lysol it smells like
persian nightclub
and it’s made by the glade company
axe body spray
lysol it’s oh that’s
awful weird
is it like some bachelor scent yeah
is it really yeah
it’s like a cologne form but
what’s it called what do they call it it’s called
oh kitchen sensations or something
stupid like
oh you just spit on sorry
it’s like a porno man yeah it’s
in sensation
sounds like the name
of a porno it’s good as fucking porno
could you imagine
could you imagine if that was some fucking cia
shit if they came out with some
stuff that made people
fuck like mad dogs
and it was one of
those plugins they
stuck on the wall
like they just wanted to do some
population studies
so they can just up the
population in a neighborhood
so they start selling in a very controlled
market like cleveland or some shit
they start selling
these little glade air
fresheners wicked
cheap yeah start
giving them away you know
oh you buy a fucking a
futon you get a free glade
you know hard on
air freshener
they start sticking
these things in the wall and people just
start going
crazy just fucking the shit out of each
other the glade hard on
listen man they
could have something
like that that affects your behavior
you know when they were when the iraq war
first start jumped off
they were seriously
considered trying to figure out how to make a gay bomb
they were trying
to figure out a way to drop something on
these guys that
would be like some sort of
ecstasy concoction
that would just make them
super horny
and loving each
other and start hugging and we kill
morale and they
would just their army
would just fall apart
that’s how devious
the scientists we have working for us are
hey do i gotta blow this pop
stan this is over this fucking shows over
five o seven february fourth
mandalay bay theater buy your tickets bitches
they’re going
quickly sussman
sussman’s probably calling me right now
god damn it is it
it ain’t me
18 take a look at these dummies
i don’t like voicemail though
that’s the problem so i don’t
hey come to my show sunday at
sals comedy club on mill roads i’m having open mics
six starts at six i
could come down
sunday sunday it
starts at six o’clock what time’s it go to
like whenever that’s
all well and good but this is what you know bitches
need to know
february 4th
mandalay bay theater
joe coco diaz
joe rogan ari shafir
redband confirmed
dirty terrorist
isn’t he a terrorist
know what they say
he’ll be happy to know
you’re going
brian ari shafir
shaffir on twitter
brian redben
will be going
what you’re filming
bitch oh really some shit’s
going down february 4th
mandalay bay theater
go to joebrogan
net you could buy the tickets
it’s available
there you know what else is available
you get a discount on the
flashlight baby oh shit son
if you think beating off is good oh
you don’t know what you’re missing
ladies and gentlemen
what a cd subject to be talking about
where’s my blow up the outside
world you fuck did you get it
yeah i’m waiting
for you to stay i don’t want to hear this man
whatever you’re playing
what is that
orgasmo theme song oh okay
i thought it was real metal
i love you guys
merry christmas
we love each and every one of you bitches
even the people that like metal
we love i love
that metal i love
everything cock suckers
we love the people that love everything
what with a
facebook check yourself before you wreck yourself
you know the word you know the rest of the fucking song
about something
you can’t take a joke get on the subway big
dicks in the ass
is bad for your health
cocksuckers
stay black cause that’s the most important
thing twitter
facebook hit me up the video
from austin is almost completed
brian how many more days you think
not long i just
got a little bit too involved editing some
music into the end of it
and now it’s taking too long so how many days
three four yeah
monday not that long
monday let’s
count on monday let’s make it a
monday’s our
grand launch
28 for austin
next week is new year’s
ufc in vegas
holla at your boy
mandalay bay
again february
4th buy tickets online you get them on joeroganet net
and that’s it
thank you to the
flashlight go to joerogane net and
click the link get 15 off
tonight tomorrow
night john lovett’s come by and see me say
merry christmas
and philippe
two shows and philippe
sparza win the last comic
standing and john lovett is
edwin san juan the filipino we’re all
gonna be down there tonight
john lovett’s club is universal city it’s 10
o’clock tonight and tomorrow in the city walk upstairs
it’s my last
place and brian’s at
sal’s melrose on
sunday and i’ll be there wednesday with brian too
thank you everybody for
tuning in stay
black love you
appreciate it love you bitches bye
i never know how to end these things
what happened is it ended
i never know how to end these things no
don’t end it don’t end it why you don’t want end it
cause i wanna hear this song alright goodbye
no no no don’t end it
i’m going to you gotta keep this going first hold on
end it bitch
just joe diaz
joe diaz needs to hear blow up the outside world i
gotta pee we’re playing blow up the outside world
what’s up baby
that’s it folks
i love you i love you
say my name