The Joe Rogan Experience #69 - Bryan Callen

he’s just a bad motherfucker

george is just a bad

motherfucker that’s what makes him so good

smart smart

oh shit old school brian yeah

cursing like a sailor at reset

it must have been a half moon could you get me

at lunch pitch a penny

show i was living like the class

clown pulling all the hoes making all the jokes man

when you young it’s hard to see and it’s long for

no i was still shooting blanks

i was stealing candy out the corner market

until i got my ass wet cause i was 10 years old

doing dumb shit


we gotta have some sort of a clean cut off point brian

we should program that into the beginning of the

first song or first

part of the podcast

i got clean cut off with no music

cause we could probably get

trouble for using people’s music

well that was ice cube doing dumb shit you

could be bought on the itunes that’s

where i got it it’s awesome it’s brian kellen

brian kellen ladies and gentlemen

fresh from thailand

ladies and gentlemen

fresh from i wish i played the

trumpet by the way i just was thinking about that

i should have taken an instrument

our podcast is always a sponsored by the

flashlight and if you go to joe rogan

net there’s a link you click on it

and if you enter in the code rogan you can

masturbate at a discount get 15

off that’s fucking awesome you ever

blast one into one of these things uh

that’s a sin

anyway ryan

playing it clean now that he’s doing films

major films just gotta watch the image

it’s funny when you do

major films for those of you guys don’t know i

think i just came back from thailand

doing a hangover too a little movie

but but it’s funny because when you

and we talked about this man

like you’d finally do the

big film you know you’re doing this big film and stuff

and and you know it

like your whole like

your desire

is to do something that you’ve always

watched so you want to be the guy with the

sweaty shirt with the gun

tears coming down your face on a railroad

track with the wind blowing your hair back

and it’s the

final confrontation when you have the

shootout that scene

that scene in your fantasy takes six days

cause they’re

shooting a half a page a day

that’s what acting

in a film is you’re just sitting around while they

spray your shirt

well is the

sweat isn’t really working it’s

not the same as the shot before we got to change your

shirt give us a

minute that

light’s not working we got

can you stand to the left a little bit brunt

that’s what that’s what doing a big film is really

about it’s fun though because you end up

hanging out

with some fun people on this you can’t really complain

about doing big

movies dude people don’t want to hear that shit sorry

erased it’s an

erasing over too and it sucks

it didn’t suck i had a

great time what’s the best gig in hollywood do you

think it’s a tv show well

the best gig

for like as far as like comfort life comfort

that’s what they

said i think there’s no question

that it’s a sitcom because you work ten minutes a week

and and you make a fortune see for me

doing a sitcom

is cake because then

i can go do

stand up on the weekends and make

tv money doing that yeah yeah

i mean the best gig in hollywood the best

gig in the show business is either being a rock star

or being a stand up comic

and i’m not sure what beats what

but you know there’s nothing like doing

stand up rock stars can

break up the problem is they have to rely on a

bunch of other dudes that’s exactly

right and i

think also you know when you’re like a

major rock star you’ve been singing the same song

for 30 years that’s

gotta get a little

tiring it’s

gotta be a weird

cause it’s totally reverse of comedians

cause with rock stars nobody ever wants to hear

their new shit

nobody wants to hear the new rolling

stone songs

no they don’t

stop do that

start me up song yeah

but with comedy

would comedy

people don’t want to hear old shit they want to hear

some new shit

what’s some new

shit it’s a

magic trick

because it’s like you got to surprise them that’s why

people have

to constantly

to be coming up with new material but isn’t that a

funny thing

it’s like the rock stars get pigeonholed into doing

all their best old creations and we

right we have to that’s why

david lee roth

when they fired him from van halen

he goes all i know is

sammy hager’s

gotta sing jump for the next 20 years

jump that’s

the problem with rock stars man i’m not saying that it

wouldn’t be

awesome to be a rock star but you have to find a

group of people who

agree to hang out and be cool with each

other in the mid

midst of like the biggest ego explosion in

humanity’s history

rockstar you

get it that’s the big that’s the top of the food chain

that’s the top of

the vagina food chain

yeah there’s no

doubt fuck yeah it is are you kidding me

it’s not to me it’s not

john mayer rock

paper scissors

over everyone you’ve ever met in your fucking life

he’s a rockstar with that

huge head yeah

it doesn’t matter

doesn’t matter

he’s got that he’s got

steve jobs rockstar

everyone knows he’s banging everybody and it

doesn’t matter it’s not even

slowing him down he’s the

alpha male he’s a

fucking savage

why cause he’s a rockstar son

he’s singing songs that make them

emotionally satisfied

he’s making them orgasm emotionally saying all the

right shit with the

right tone the

right amount of

sensitivity it’s

amazing what guys will do to get

chicks my man’s a player of epic proportions

truly respect

dude oh he shows up in a

black he shows up in a

black tight tank top what

he’s the only i can get away with that how is he a

black skin top

tank top what

jump in i’d get

punched in the face

but john mayer plays guitar and girls swoon

is just slinging dick and giving out bubble gum

have you seen him do comedy

it’s also about six four i

think too i hate

that guy handsome

brian have you

seen him do comedy

he’s done comedy at the comedy

store i’ve heard he’s done comedy as well

yeah i can’t

some guys look there’s a pecking

order you know i’m the best

silverback that’s all there is to

i’m in the trees

throwing fruit

while he’s taking all my girls

speaking of

which all i

could think of

when i saw this

video was you

the have you seen

those videos of the harpy eagles

in venezuela

yes i have holy

shit the ones that take goats yeah

and that let them

drop forever

no the harpy

eagles do that but the big

thing they do is get

monkeys and

monkeys and

sloths from

venezuela they don’t

basically fucking kill anything

they’re huge

they’re the biggest

eagle yeah the biggest

eagle they’re

enormous and

there’s a documentary on youtube it

is the shit and i’ve thought of you immediately because

you and i are both retards when it comes to animals

i have never had

more dude have you

heard about

these fucking lions

we never had

these conversations with anybody more than with you

because you and i just sync up

and we both kick it to the next

level of retard

i can’t get enough i can’t get enough oh my god

because that you remember the conversation we had

about those lions the

super lions in africa

that eat the

water buffalo yeah

the giant lions yes you know that

i’m talking

about brian

kevin and i were in like retard fever

pitch right

well they used

to always thinker than males

the females are bigger than males they’re

giant muscled lions

we were both like holy fuck this is fucking insane

you just get so worked up

about it that’s why i got so obsessed with

those chimps

those huge 400

pound chimps

those lion eater

chimps they found

leopard meat in

their feces

what oh and by the way they howl

apparently and they fish with

their own bare hands

and they are all gray

yeah you know that they’re big no

i did not see

gray chimps the

older ones they’re gray

look listen

just like in that

movie congo

yeah and let me explain something to you

when you buy

a chimp if anybody wants to buy a chimp i don’t

wanna call here’s the problem

you don’t want something with

seven times the

upper body strength of a

grown man with a

three year old’s

brain that’s prone to rage

because they go for the face

and the genitals fucking

christ yeah that’s what they do

the guy at the san

diego zoo goes

no chimp says

solve everything with violence they go for the face

and the genitals

cause they don’t want you to breed so

they’re pretty vindictive

that’s great

they really are like

a 500 pound man

right that’s what they say a

chimp would

be a well let

me give you an example

they took 140

pound female in the bronx

zoo a long time ago

140 pounds okay

now male chimps get up to about 200

pounds this is

140 pound female

adolescent they

taught her that the

more she pulled with one hand they strapped her to a

chair the more she pulled with one hand

she had the

sweeter the

fruit they give her

an apple and give her a mango

she pulled 1200

pounds with one hand she rode

1200 pounds with one hand now think

about that for a

second dudes who

are who are doing the

upright row with

350 they’re

crazy they’re

monsters they’re huge

1200 pounds

her tensile strength

they did a tensile strength

thing where they

chest your grip

so the 160 pound man has

a hundred and

ok what was it

it was like 300 pounds or

actually 200

pounds of tensile strength

she had twelve hundred

pounds of pencil

strength as well she

could squeeze

you know a ball

i don’t know we are so fucking weak we’re

pussies we’re such i was fleshy

i was shitty

pussies i spent

three weeks in indonesia rehabilitating orangutans okay

i was around

i’m sorry it’s pronounced orangutan

dude you’re a fucking

scientist i’m really

smart you guys holy shit that

means person of the forest in

indonesian you guys

learn a lot this is

about education

too it’s all

about the education yo

yeah but meanwhile the

community is strong

that’s insane man

it’s crazy back to bangkok

and that’s a hundred forty

pound female

uh correct so a two hundred

pound male well how about

four hundred

pound fucking

chart yeah how

about a four hundred

pound male the the huge one

that’s why they

call him lion killers correct they did the

most recent expeditions actually caught one eating a

leopard they

don’t know if it killed it

but they observed them eating

it and they’re very elusive man they’ve actually never

i guess they’ve only seen like a couple in the

wild yeah they’ve only seen a few in the wild and they

sleep on the

ground they nest on the ground just like gorillas who

wouldn’t they don’t give

a fuck exactly

good luck everybody

it’s crazy cause it’s only a very very

small part of the congo

and that part is all

filled with civil war

right now it’s very dangerous so it’s really hard to

explore these guys

and to get to em

you gotta go straight through rainforest on foot

like that’s the only way to

get to em yeah

impenetrable it’s insane

and once you’re in there man

dude good fucking luck

good luck with poisonous

spiders snakes

and insects that

will eat you out from the ear out they will

climb into your ears and eat your fucking brains

millions of them

streams of ass

they take down elephants man yeah

they did have you

heard of those

spiders that

are like that big that are over in like a rack

right now that

you like camel spider yeah

we fed people

those on fear factor that’s

fucked up where it like

none they eat those

they eat them live no yes they did yeah

if it numbs you

i would never be on that show

you gotta grab em the

right way it’s amazing what people do for like

fame i’ll eat

a camel spider and get stung in my face yeah

pretty ridiculous

yeah getting stung on the roof of my

mouth can’t

there was a lot of shit we did with bugs it was

ridiculous scorpions

we made people lie in a

thing as scorpions just get jacked by scorpions

they got tongue and

stuff yeah oh

yeah those big

black ones that look

really scary yeah yeah

those apparently are not as dangerous

the really dangerous ones are the

small brown ones

right some of the

small brown ones

but the big

black ones it’s like a bee sting what were

those fluorescent ones they were like

green caterpillars

that just burst

every time somebody

would chew on them

like there was huge oh

tomato hornworms

yeah those things are

crazy fluorescent

green it was

so if you’re in the wild

if you’re in the wild is there any bug you can’t eat

i’m sure there’s a lot of them

when when bugs are really

bright bright and

colorful you don’t

most of the time that’s a big warning yeah

it’s a big warning that there’s some poison in this


like you know

look at this

bitch bit back the fuck up you don’t

you eat me it’s both of us

yeah suicide bombers

you eat them and that’s really what it is it’s to

discourage predation nature’s pornstar

you don’t want to eat


apparently those are

those really

well that’s

really they’re really bright and pretty

yeah or hornets


all those fucking

things we’re just so

lucky they’re small fuck

would you imagine if hornets were

giant like a horse

if a hornet was the size of a fucking horse

dude we would have

never evolved to this

point because hornets

would just come down and just jack

you bite your fucking head off and eat your body yeah

they would just do that they

would just do that and there

would be nothing you can do

about it we

would never

develop to the

point where

those animals

existed unless we

learned how to ride them

no we would just be

fine as fuck

if it wasn’t

for that goddamn asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs

we would never have gotten to this position

we had to start from scratch

and then have

a new race with the mammals to

try to get to the top of the food chain

if there was

giant flying fucking hornets the size of

horses we would have

never made it this far

i don’t know you’d have to go walk around with a

flamethrower i don’t know if that would work

i don’t know if that works on a regular hornet

those things are no joke yeah man

they would find you if they fond

you like in

a big fucking

swarm of them

found you found out

where the people are

you ever watch that

video there’s

these gigantic hornets

and they’re

japanese japanese i know

about you want to

go to that please let’s go watch

it 50 times fucking you

mean the six

japanese yellow hornets they’re the biggest

member of the hornet family

that came in and killed

thirty thousand bees in a period of three

hours that we

that video heads off

ladies and gentlemen

thirty thousand bees

it would would be the youtube

search for that japanese hornets

just go to kill be i

go to go to go to hornets

versus bees

hornets versus bees

you gotta see this

and imagine

if they were big

and by the way

these things they have

close up on this

thing and you watch

these bees doing whatever they can and the only time

this is what’s so creepy

those japanese

hornets what they’ll do is they’ll send a scout out

and when the

scout sees the hive

it drops like a hormone like a scent

trail on the hive and then goes flying back to its nest

and then and then

the troops come out

and they come out and then they just they just eat

all the bees

now what they do but sometimes what the bees

get they get lucky

and what they’ll do sometimes

is they will actually

when they get when

the hornet’s walking around like it’s doing right now

sometimes the bees will jump on it

and they can’t sting it because

its armor is too thick

what they do is they

start flapping

their wings around it

and they create

so much heat around the hornet that the hornet dies

because it’s

too hot and that’s the only time if you can kill the

scout before he goes back

your your your colony will survive if you don’t

then you’re all dead holy shit

yeah look at how

big it is look

at how big it is you have to see this it looks like a

spaceship and just

wrap your head around what the fuck’s

going on we i

think we discount the insane

complexity of the insect

world because they’re so little

that’s right but if they were big

what a fucking trip

this would be they’re so incredibly organized it’s

ridiculous we’re so

lucky they’re little

i mean it could have easily

turned out that

these things were birds

you know giant birds well

did pterodactyls and things yeah

the dinosaurs were

essentially the birds are

their closest relatives they said so

there’s an interesting theory that i read recently

about dinosaurs

that they believe that the size of dinosaurs

is so ineffective

given our current

atmosphere that they

think that it’s

possibly evidence that there was a different

atmosphere on earth

when a different

density to the

atmosphere on

earth well i imagine they were cold

blooded so it’d probably have to be warmer than it was

right you know

like crocodiles

i mean if you you see that documentary called

here be dragons

where you got

those crocs that actually bite

wildebeest around the midsection and take them

in fucking good

video when the wildebeest

walks up to the pond they’re

drinking and it just explodes

loads out of the pond that’s

right and that’s

i don’t know

like thousands of

pounds but that is that’s a dinosaur

that’s as close to a dinosaur as you get

it’s incredible that that thing is

still alive

they keep living

and by the way they keep growing

there’s this condition with a reptile like that

where they will just keep growing

the more they

eat the bigger they get

where they eat cows

yeah and there’s

a certain sinister quality to the crocodile

that makes it look more sinister than an alligator

like even you know

it’s called a longer

sharper snout

and you know alligators have that

round kind of

round or snout and

they tend to eat fish and

smaller animals tend to but they fucking eat people in

around here too

there was a

guy got killed who was on

running from the cops

he crashed his cars like a dui in florida really

running from the cops

jumps out of his car jumps into the water

just as he jumps into

the wall of the alligator grabs him and fucks him up

right in front of the cops

is that true yeah

i was in i was in

marco island doing

standup and there’s an area in

marco island off of naples that has the biggest

saltwater crocodile

reserve american crocodiles

and there are signs all over don’t go

swimming do not get out of your boat

don’t be careful when you’re fishing all that stuff

if there are crocodiles anywhere in the area

i’m not going fishing no

no no we’re not

going hiking

well all you have to do is tap them in the

snout and they’re walking

fuck out of here

it’s a fucking

time that’s

the that’s the biggest lie when they only talk

about when i when a

shark attacks you hit him in the nose

they kill sea lions with

their mouths

travis like hitting the

chevy on that on the

mouth when it’s coming at you at thirty

miles an hour i’m on the hood of the on the hood

yeah they’re not

worried about

stuff that bumps

their nose please they’re

gonna fuck you up that’s just some

meanwhile there’s

that guy that rides

great whites how

about that guy that rides

great whites it’s a guy who rides great

whites from

south africa

he was snorkeling with

eight great

whites in the

water and then rode a

22 footer shut the fuck up

speaking of

which david blaine

i don’t know if i can say this because he i think it’s

gonna be part of a show but

he does a thing with

great whites that’s pretty

crazy dude you just gave it away i can’t even believe

you did that

no but it’s not it’s nothing it wasn’t

i’m not giving anything away

but he does some he showed me some pretty cool stuff

i’ll drop big names on this podcast

if i want the

whole animal

world man we so take it for

granted because we’ve

pretty much isolated ourselves from it with cities

you know that’s the

first thing that really

struck me when i was living in

colorado was how

you’re connected

to the wild

world there

you cannot remove the wild

world from colorado

like when you’re driving through town in evergreen

there’s these photos of

like elk herds that

mosey through town hundreds of elk

thousand pound

wild animals

wild cattle

basically right that’s what they’re like

and they’re moving

through the fucking forest and walking down the main

street and clogging

up traffic i mean it’s a trip i was in

ohio one time i was

swimming and

i watched these porpoises

like i could i

could hear them because they were probably 50 feet away

and they just passed me

not dolphins but those huge

purple porpoises just

and one of them service went

and breathe through it

and i just felt

so insignificant it was like a locomotive

like just a

bunch of locomotives just

gliding through it was

crazy so i called to them

no the trip

about dolphins is that they’re

so intelligent yeah and they have wars with each

other and you can see it when you’re looking at them

there’s some

weird connection

when you’re communicating with a dolphin

if you’re by

a boat and they’re jumping up and looking at you

and they’re

trying to play with you and have fun with you

one there’s like

you connecting to them somehow or another

i think what’s interesting

about the more

intelligent the animal for example chimpanzees

even certain birds but

especially dolphins

the more organized and more violent they are with each

other like dolphins will wage war on

other dolphin

pods and kill entire pods

and they didn’t know that

until they you know created this documentary on it

where they actually have they sent out

like warring parties it’s exactly like chimps if chimps

have one area of a forest and there’s another

family of chimps in another area

they’ll send males out

that will look for

other males from the

other try and kill them it’s crazy

yeah we’re not

the only ones that do war in animal kingdom not at all

not at all that’s why i’ve

always said to people man you got to be really careful

about wanting the fucking

aliens to land

mm hmm just look at the history

of what every

smart thing has done to

everything not as smart

all over earth

every single opportunity

nature has had

to express itself

the stronger

smarter things

fuck the weaker

things that’s the argument against

technology in

some ways for a lot of computer scientists when you

start creating computers that are

smarter than

we are and they

start making computers

smarter than they are which is

and then they’d

start developing what’s called will

that the question is are they

gonna have respect for

their biological heritage

yeah i mean look all over the what

the intelligent animals that we know chimpanzees eat

monkeys all

right killer

whales eat dolphins they kill and eat dolphins man

and we do whatever the fuck we want to do to

everything underneath us why

are we expecting the

aliens to be so evolved

that they’re past the

whole rule of nature

that expresses itself

over and over

again wherever we are

everything that’s intelligent

takes advantage of

everything that’s not as intelligent

absolutely it’s just the way

we’re not as

strong or not as

powerful and

human beings do it to

other human beings

yeah you know

why wouldn’t we expect the

aliens to just come down here and just fuck with us

i think it’s a will to

power i think it

exists i don’t know

i’ll be ready

brian what would you do if the

aliens landed

what would you do if it all turned out to be real

and that we have been monitored from

space by invisible aircrafts that well it depends

how they come like if they just slowly land and go like

hey i’m in the aliens

i just landed i’ll probably like hey what’s

going on you know but if they just like blow up

it’d be funny if they were really huge

they were really had to come back

hey guys what’s

going on we’re the aliens

and nothing

well what if

they got to a

point where they realized they had

to step in because we were fucking up the resources of

this world so bad

they had to reveal themselves

again it would have to be

their body language

you know if they’re like just coming up to me

going like hey we’re

gonna have to step in here

and then you guys are

too okay i’m like okay i guess

you could do it try it

again try it out go for it

i asked him

to do something about jet

travel you don’t want it to take less time it’s good

right now you know it’s only a day dude

relax everybody

let’s not fucking

start teleporting each

other halfway from here to there

thailand thailand was like

27 hours i don’t know what that was

is there like weird like just

things everywhere you went around there

yeah bangkok’s interesting because it’s like this very

very hot hot tropical city

with a lot of

pollution and a lot of people it’s just chaos

but what’s interesting and if you’re into

underage sex for 60 bucks then

you know more power to you but i’m not

into that stuff

or i am but i feel so guilty

no no but i played

you know the owner of a

strip club so we shot a lot of the scenes in

the sex district the red light district which is

really you play a new person than you were in the

yeah i mean i’m wearing a wig and

it’s very much the same

todd phillips loves that character

and i shouldn’t say much more than that but

but it was so much fun man and i

think i really think it’s

gonna be hilarious i think it’s gonna be just as fun as

it was awesome yeah i mean it was

so they just so went for it

in every aspect i think they’re gonna do the same

with this man i was so impressed with just

watching even the ending

credits were fucking fantastic god

and paul giamatti’s in it now and he’s just hilarious

what was the

deal with that chinese guy that’s not really his penis

ken yeah cgi

you should have him on the podcast by the way he’s a

great guy he

loves you but i’m actually talking

about you but

that is i’m not

gonna make a comment on that i’m not sure if that’s his

issue yeah i’m a big fan of him too and

yeah i’ve seen him talk

about it that he that really was his

penis he’s such a good guy man

is he oh he’s a

great so larry

he’s a real doctor

he was a practitioner

a practicing doctor holy shit in calabasas

or i think that’s

where it was and he’s a straight up doctor

and then started just taking acting

classes and doing

stand up and he’s just hilarious

and fearless

and he just hasn’t stopped working

and he’s so grateful for

where he’s at

it he can’t believe it

he’s like i can’t believe this but he’s fearless man he

doesn’t care

wow he’ll take his

clothes off he’s just

fucking funny

he’s funny fucking funny

so how did he how did he

break out of being

a a doctor he just was like he was

just like i don’t really like being a doctor that much

when he was acting and doing all

these movies he was

still he had a practice

wow he was still doing like you know yeah

yeah he’s his wife is a practicing doctor too holy shit

how many people are like

that they just wanted to do something else but they

fucking never went for it

they got stuck

and then turned it around that much most people man

i know and then

a guy like that who actually says i’m

gonna you know what

thanks a lot for medical

school dad i’m

gonna be an actor what

what are you talking

about you gotta practice

nah i’m gonna

check this in and i’m

gonna become a movie star

he’s good man

he is he’ll be working forever forever yeah

he’s your go to guy yeah for sure he’s

hilarious and he’s really fun to work with that’s the

other thing i’m

starting to

say the guys that work a lot like giamatti

and those guys

they’re just really good people they’re just a

blast they just

they’re just very giving

they listen to you they

react to you they just happen to be there

they’re not cynical

about it kevin

james i did his

movie zookeeper and

his whole staff like

everybody who’s working on the

movie is so friendly oh they’re

great it’s like so nice and everyone is like

really appreciative of everyone

it’s just a nice

fun working environment

and it’s like seamless because of that and it’s been

kevin’s that way

kevin’s exactly

it comes right

it all comes down from him

but it’s like it makes

things so much better

you know you

really like when you’re working with people that

appreciate what’s happening and

appreciate what they’re doing or

appreciate each other

you know it’s a fun

positive environment because it’s called perspective

that’s why reading

history instead of being late not talking

about intellectual but just getting a

sense of what came before you

and how most people throughout all of history lived

short miserable

lives because they didn’t have access to i don’t know

antibiotics vaccines

cat scans all

things that let us go beyond our bodies

running water

i mean it just goes on and on

and so you’d lose

three or you’re like lincoln lost his kid to a fever

how many famous people lost

their children

three of their children at a time to

things like diphtheria and stuff

we haven’t even heard of

and so when you have a perspective of how

lucky you are as just somebody

who’s never missed a meal for example

or doesn’t have to do anything to get what they want

just stay warm

and stay safe and have representative government

there’s nothing to complain about

nothing man

well there’s certainly something to complain

about cause it’s

gotta evolve and get better you

can’t be satisfied with the way it is that’s

completely fucked up

i wanna know what you think

about all this

crazy wikileak shit

you know it’s

a trip isn’t it yeah and the debate

here’s an interesting but before you say anything

there’s an interesting

story that came up from the new york

or rolling stone

magazine said

if the new york times had received the same information

which is basically all wikileaks did

would we be prosecuting them

that’s that’s the

fundamental question is this

you had a private

who made all this information

available and the private was in

direct violation of military

code that when you when you join the military

take an oath and and

that private could be

tried for treason because what he

did is he took sensitive information not top secret but

secret information and he let it and he just

basically deliberately

leaked it now i

agree julia

julian assange

he if it’s proven in

court and this is probably gonna be

the defense’s platform

if julian assange

just said look i was

given this information and i provided a platform

for that information not unlike

and this is exactly what the new york times did

they provide now the new york times what they did was

they actually edited out

certain names of people

that could be put into harm’s way

if it was found out they were helping

the enemy in

those countries so in

other words

if the cia has certain people we pay

to get information

as soon as their names are put out on the internet

they are they can be

their lives can be in danger

because the host country or the country that they

belong to or that they’re betraying or whatever they

would put them in jail or kill him or whatever it

might be so

that’s where the dilemma

really comes when you just dump a

bunch of information out

it can have repercussions did they send to the names of

operatives the new york times did the wikileaks did no

julian sans just took all that info and just let it out

really so he let out names of operatives in different

countries everything he even gave

social security numbers and addresses of soldiers and

stuff like that

and the problem with that is that

there’s one side of the argument that says look

there’s got to be


and if you’re an operative

if you work for the cia there’s always that risk you’re

going to be compromised okay that’s one idea

but the other issue is

we’re all for transparency i certainly am i’m for

transparency of government

that’s important you don’t want to give any

any agency in government too much

power because like any

human beings just

about natural

human issues

they just become

their own gang and they get as much power and

that’s what the brilliance of the

founding fathers was creating

all different departments

that are competing against

each other the

state department has

their agenda and they’re always trying to

undermine the department of defense

department of defense has its own problems with the

executive and that’s a beautiful

thing because it

doesn’t let anybody have too much power

but at the end of the day if you’re

gonna take just a bunch of info

and just dump it

in some ways i think it has

first of all it’s

spiteful and i’m not sure what the

point is if you want transparency that’s one thing

but if you’re

gonna be that irresponsible and put people

lives at stake who are trying to do

good work personal information and they’re trying to do

good work out there you know when i was in afghanistan

those guys most of

those soldiers i was around were

building hospitals

and schools

say what you will

about the war

say what you will

about the motives and things but

and there’s an intelligent debate to be had

about the united

states not getting involved in

other countries

affairs and we’ve

heard these

things but the

point becomes

what are you trying to

accomplish when you dump all that information out there

and what one of the repercussions

might very well be that government

agencies have a

tough time getting information

from valuable sources overseas

whether it’s

in cases of

espionage or whether it’s case of national security

a lot of people now are

gonna go i don’t want to talk to you dude

i talk to you and i

might get leaked

because you have no guarantee that you can keep

these correspondence

secret it’s one

thing to embarrass politicians

it’s one thing that vladimir putin

is called a guy who

doesn’t have as much control over his government all

right we’ll get over that


it’s another

thing when very valuable

sources of information for the united

states all of a

sudden are compromised and then

field operatives

who are trying to make the

world a safer

place all of a

sudden have very

tough time recruiting anybody

because nobody want people like i tell you a

secret man and my name now is all of a

sudden on you know

in the new york times no

thanks or it’s on

it’s on the web and on a website

and my and the people that i’m betraying

that’s the first

thing that’s the

first place they look and they come to my

house and kill me and my family nah

sorry find another guy i’m not i’m not working for you

so that that that becomes an issue

and there are a lot of

other issues i

think that we

haven’t really even

we’ll see what this what this means

these things take time

the ripple effect takes some time

do you think that there’s any

way that the

private the guy who leaked the information the guy who

in effect committed treason

there’s any way that you

could argue that

if he thought that there were

egregious offenses that were being

ignored and swept

under the rug that it

would actually be unpatriotic to not report them

that’s a very good question

it’s the question that was raised with the pentagon

papers it’s a question

when it’s tricky

right well sometimes

your government

is saying that we’re not bombing cambodia and you

start finding out that

we’re doing

exactly that

in violation of whatever it might be

you know this is a


is a whistleblower

it all depends a

whistleblower is always

gonna have to

take responsibility for the fact that there are people

in the government that he’s the betrayed that are

gonna call him

a scumbag and try to prosecute him

i do think i

think that’s a very

very good question i do

think that sometimes you’re in a position

where you are

privy to information that is either unjust illegal

but there are channels

there are also channels in our government to go through

sometimes you think to yourself the press

might be the last resort there are other legal channels

that the military provides

and it’s a good question

it’s a really good question man

i do think that you have a responsibility as a

human being when you see grave and justice

i don’t think in this case that was the case i don’t

think this private

saw anything

grossly injust in

fact do you think he’s just he just was impulsive

like what do you why do you think he did it you know

what the fuck that’s him that’s him let’s ask him

we’re drinking coconut

water ladies and gentlemen you ever had c2o coconut

water i love it

no what is that it’s a

really hard to find coconut water

i like that it’s glute there’s a

there’s amy and

bryant’s to that can be found on

why is this hard to find

i don’t know it’s just really popular

or it’s just

it’s a hundred percent natural new it’s tonics

sorry about that ladies and gentlemen

sorry we’re in the

middle of fascinating fucking conversation my goddamn

phone has to ring

but that’s a really good question whenever you know

you know an institution of

power it’s tricky

right it’s like

you know what is

this what is this nation

founded on the nation is founded on

here’s a very good question

here’s a very good question what is that if you

found it on

truth if we go back to 2003

and you had very very good information that there were

no weapons of mass destruction for example if you had

top secret information

that for example

we have no evidence whatsoever that

there are any weapons of mass destruction yet an entire

a nation is being sold a bill of goods

right let’s just take that as an example

and you knew

for sure because by the way in 2002 nobody had any idea

nobody was really saying even

on the national security council on the united nations

security council nobody was saying

stam hussein didn’t have weapons in mass destruction

they were saying

where are they

that’s what they were saying we

all assumed he had met in weapons of mass destruction

because he’d used them on the kurds in the 90s

okay poison gas not just poison gas but germ

warfare as well

so we had documented evidence and you

know and the united

states united nations corroborated this it wasn’t just

us intelligence

but we had documented

evidence that he had used and killed

a large number of

kurdish men

women and children with

these horrible weapons so in 2002

when you say when

bush was saying look

this guy has the fourth largest army in the world

he’s acted very responsibly started

three wars two with iran one with kuwait

which resulted in a million

people the dead on both sides this guy miscalculates

all the time you tell me what’s to stop him from

dropping a weapon of mass destruction

into an enemy

of ours hands

anonymously like arcade okay it was a very

that was a debate

that they talked

about in the war room

bush says you know what the

guys got weapons of mass destruction let’s make a play

let’s let’s let’s

bring it up in the

to the to the united nations and we’re

going to war if this guy

doesn’t cough them up

now let me ask you something if you’re

what what is going on

just shut up

hold ladies hold

ladies and gentlemen i hope you’re taking notes this

story cause i don’t know what i’m talking

about this story is haunted

dude do you

think coconut water is

gonna become so big that they’re just gonna like

like coconuts are gonna become rare like we’re

gonna eat all the coconuts off the planet no i don’t

cause i don’t think it’s that popular what if it

because i mean is that something that we could run out

i don’t know what happened there

folks i have my volume turned off

there’s obviously a fucking

ghost in my there’s a

ghost in the office ladies and gentlemen

the government’s letting me know

bitch i can turn up your volume anytime i want faggot

is the comedy store abortion

ghost it is but

here’s the final

point here’s the final point we’ll move on

is if you if you were in a position and you

were a field operative you were a cia guy

you were in a pentagon whatever and you knew for a fact

that there were no weapons of mass destruction or at

least there was no evidence

but to devolve

that information

would be to compromise certain

national security secrets

would you do it

my feeling would be that you

should do it my

feeling would be that if you’re

gonna stop a war from happening

cause there’s no evidence

then maybe you

should say something

dude you’re a fucking george clooney movie

right now i’m so

smart you guys

you’re a goddamn george clooney

movie i don’t have enough

hair to be george clooney that fucking you can i did

give you some shit they put some

stuff in there you know what they dust my head

bruce willis

most important thing

bruce willis

shaved his head he

doesn’t give a fuck yeah

i know dude you

could do it man this is the

movie this is the

breakout hit guys

ladies and gentlemen

you’re gonna stop it you’re

gonna stop the war

he’s the guy that talks too much he’s an alternate

world it’s an alternate

world an alternate version of our life

if you had stopped the war

if you had known

there was no weapons of mass destruction you get on tv

and you change

the world would they believe you and then it shows what

we’re really like now in two thousand ten or eleven

eleven i get used to that that’s what’s

funny is if you had all the answers you had all the

secrets and you how would

would people really listen to

think you’re an

idiot shut up

stupid right

well that’s what g they thought

about jesus man

that’s what they thought

about jesus

unless you can provide

produce miracles

right there and then even then they’re like that’s a

trick there’s something


about this looking back to a time when someone

had it all fucking nailed we’ve always done it it’s

weird that’s not

true for the

past what is that it’s called the good old days do you

think that that is because

that there’s been a

bunch of different versions of

civilization that

things have

crashed and gotten terrible and then gotten better and

crashed and gotten terrible

they’ve always looked back

to when things were

great before it

crashed it’s almost like an

ethic it’s almost like the way we

think well you know like

they were talking about this


islamic movement it’s a very new

thing in islam

and this is extreme

extremes who believe that

they always look back when muhammad

created islam and that was the golden

age and it was

where everything was perfect and

stuff like that it’s just

i think that some

maybe it’s i

think sometimes people will look

back started it what

started the the most

the most extreme movement now well

a lot of it came from what they

were a hobby sect of

islam which

was in saudi arabian continues to be in

saudi arabia

it’s a puritanical form of islam but

this is a long

debate i don’t want to say

but i mean certainly i think

one of the one of the things that caused

islamic fundamentalism was

i think i think islamic

fundamentalism like anything else is an idea

that was that was born out of the a

bunch of men who basically

felt lost and


and needed something to make themselves feel

i guess cohesive and important

you know whenever

you look back and this is what i was trying to say

about when you look back

usually when people look back on the good old days

i think it’s a natural

reaction it’s usually

because you’re connected to something that’s trying

to revive something you’re trying to revive something

and when you look back

whenever you talk

about well back in the day with

kong you hear this with martial arts a lot

back in the day

those kung fu masters

could walk on water

they could fly through the air

i think it’s like kind of like before

things were contaminated

but when they

first came out they were pure

and throughout the ages they become

compromised and contaminated

that’s a human

thing we do instead of realizing that

things actually evolve and get better usually

we like to look at

when things

first came when they were first born

there’s a purity to it

and we got to

get back to that purity because we’ve lost our way

and i think

that’s why people look back on history and kind of say

boy back in the day

when the mailman came and the milkman came

and it was just so

great and you can walk the streets without anybody

killing you or murdering you and

it’s all a lie

it’s all horseshit in my opinion

it’s all like

looking back on the good old days when

you know things

weren’t so good

things were actually really

inconvenient and really difficult you didn’t have

things like

the internet

and access to information immediately

sure it comes with its own problems but we live

for the most part

most of us even in the past 30 years live a

much better life and i’ll give you two examples i mean

china and remember china was

and russia for that matter

and most of

those countries couldn’t they couldn’t

leave their own country

those were communist

countries with very

strong central authorities that controlled

everything you did

latin america was all military

dictatorships now they’re all

democracies so i mean

you know when people look back

on the old days i’m always like i don’t know man you

haven’t been

studying history too much because

yeah the old days can suck my dick correct

about that correct

even old car suck i remember

when i used

to whittle yeah an old car with a carburetor

that got like a

block of gallon

and always broke down

they look awesome

they drive stupid

right they just so

ridiculously dumb not to mention

they were really

really dangerous they didn’t have airbags

i mean you went

through those

airbags man

you lost your head

those brakes were bunk son

forget it those

brakes barely stopped

those cars big

stupid drum

brakes on the back

we were just driving around in

death machines

right now we have abs

brakes we got computers we got

everything it’s amazing that people survived

having those

stupid cars they

didn’t most of the time you had kids riding in the

front seat with

those lap belts jesus

fucking hey put on

your lap belt everybody

i’m in the backseat i don’t need my seatbelt

and you’re driving around this huge rectangle of metal

forget it barely

loosely connected to

stupid tires that are screeching around

every corner wait

there goes my

transmission shitty cars

they would take a turn

and you would hear

their tire squeal

yeah because

they’re barely hanging onto the road with this shitty

piece yeah and you

get in an accident all you got to run into is

steel and glass not

even not even like

not even that

crushed glass it’s just like that big shards of

glass cars today

they defy physics

you know don’t really but they feel like they do yeah

ralph nader you can

thank him for that he was the

spearhead for all that

stuff really

ralph nader that’s not

thanking that dude for shit

how about that

ralph nader was like cars are dangerous and i’m

gonna do something

about it he

a lot of people

got pissed off

by that guy when he was running for president

yeah that sort of revealed who he really is

well yeah because

he took away he took votes crucial votes away from you

know the democrats then

yeah there was

that idea and there was also the idea that well

who gives a fuck

about politics

so you think


so you think that

ralph nader is the one responsible for it all

well ralph nader is

ralph nader was the guy who said you know

these cars are i

think he started a

thing called unsafe at any

speed or something and

i think that’s what it was i

might be wrong but

ralph nader

basically said look we’ve got a lot of people dying

needlessly and it’s

ridiculous getting paralyzed and

stuff because cars are not safe they’re dangerous

and there’s a way we have the

technology to make cars safer

you know that mercedes benz

invented the airbag okay

let’s hold everybody so is brodie stevens

was he over there yes he was

yes he was ladies and gentlemen brodie stevens

going crazy over there brodie stevens

going crazy

did he bring his dog

uh he did not bring his dog

he did not bring his dog

but i was gonna say that i

wanna buy a mercedes next because i found out mercedes

invented the airbag

and gave it to every other car company

gave it to them because they realized that was a

moral and ethical thing to do

so you’re gonna buy mercedes cause of that or because

you wanna go big pimpin son cause i wanna go big pimpin

would you buy like

one of those big sled

like mercedes or would you buy like the little two door

i wanna be i don’t know man that’s a good question

maybe i wanna buy

something i wish to

buy something that drives well do you give a fuck

about that or do you think that when something drives

no yeah you don’t care it’s all

about safety for me now i want to drive

yeah that’s the best the smart

safety and comfort yeah yeah

i like an suv so somebody hits me i’m not dying damn

i want a horse i think horses are sexy

talk to me about horse rider

wait a minute this is

funny horse story this horse is in my neighborhood the

other day i’m driving and i

swear to god i’m not speeding i am not even

remotely speeding i am

leisurely driving down the street

and there’s a lady in front of me with the horse

and i’m nowhere near them okay i’m 100 yards away

and the horse

starts freaking

just does it like a little freak move

like a little freak move

and the fucking lady with the horse

and her friend look at me and just start

doing this thing with their arms oh

waiting up and down

slow down slow down

and i swear to you making the horses more i’m not even

going twenty five miles an hour

i’m not i’m not even i’m

going so slow

i’m just relaxing

i’m just driving and this horse just sees a car coming

and starts bucking and these

gigantic man like arms cause the everyone and

women who are into horses they’re all the same

first of all they’re all blonde

they all have cinder block heads

and they all have these squat football player bodies

yeah and they’re fucking

stupid boots funniest

leather boots that go up to

their knees what the fuck are you doing you sure they

weren’t you sure they

weren’t going like pimps up hoes down

no thanks slow

down she was mad at

me i swear to god i was nowhere near this horse

if i had done a douchey

thing i’m a big fan of animals

if i had done a douchey

thing i would admit it but it was

ridiculous it was just me driving

and all of a sudden

hands up the

funniest funniest horror

story i just heard

a couple days ago my buddy

what had they found this

he’s fine now but they

found a benign tumor

growing out of his spinal

cord he had back

problems for

a year so he was like what’s going on

and he was a pro athlete

and they went and they go dude

you got a tumor

growing out of your spine

as since had it removed and it was a really

successful operation and

stuff by these team of really good time but anyway so

he’s all bunched up he’s like a

tumor in my

day like yeah we have to take it out it’s very delicate

procedure you

could have some paralysis

he’s dealing with all this and he

doesn’t know what to do he’s like this is terrible

so he’s driving

in marina del rey

and he’s down this

alleyway and he’s like kind of in a daze

like what am i

gonna do i gotta

this is crazy

thank god i

have health insurance but i don’t know what i’m

gonna do they

gotta cut into my spinal

cord and he’s just

completely out of it

out of nowhere

out of nowhere

as he’s like contemplating his own mortality

he just sees

and these huge eyes and nostrils

and this horse

this massive horse

runs at his car

and he screeches

on the slant he’s

going really slow anyways down and now he stops

the horse jumps over his car

breaks the windshield

but densely does

three thousand dollars

worth of damage on his new car

and then and runs over the roof

go go go go

so he just see his

crush the windshield

runs over his car runs

it was a police

horse that had gotten spooked

it got spooked by somebody who

threw a firecracker

and all of a sudden

the horse wants and he sees like 16

cops like come running around the corner and now

they’re running at him and he’s like what the fuck is

going on and they just

do you see the

horse he goes look at my fucking car

and now he’s

like trying to get them to pay for his you know his

basically his car

it is pretty fucking

crazy that they’re riding animals in

2011 it’s for

crowd control come on

why are you riding

animals of course

this isn’t lord of the rings i have

horse problems

every day because i live in a western district

and so there’s just

horses coming over my patio

like scaring my dog all the time i

mean i live in like

horse world

it’s crazy that’s a

strange thing

how do you get on the

mounted police is that

a promotion

or is that a demotion that you get made fun of by the

other guys on the

motorcycles and

for dudes it’s really uncomfortable for girls

apparently riding

horses can give you orgasms oh yeah you

line it up right

listen i had i had sex with this i had sex with this

horse girl and

in london tough lips

it was good in the

stable by the way

smell the horses and

leather and my dick

holy shit i like saying

you should smell that all together i

smell that hey

that is a perfume my dick

smells like hey inside of

leather so there

you go this

leather and my dick by

brian kelly

sounds like a fuck

sounds like a fucking cologne

listen dude

fifty cents got a

call that’s what you need

horses you smell like

you smell like

horse hey and dick horse

and dick it’s my new cologne

called horse hey dick

hope you don’t mind

sponsoring we sponsored

the joe rogan podcast that

might be the only cologne i’d be willing to wear

you wanna smell

it dick you

wanna smell like

horse hey you

would wear that

i would wear that shit

and i would

counter my natural chimpanzees

i’d spell dick with

three eyes dig

wow actually with a

with a hyphen then

at the end of it

you probably

gently touch the

tip of your

penis through your

pants i don’t know what

you’re talking

about don’t touch it

that’s my favorite you know

the question district i live in there’s

these people that have those little ponies

and it’s like and i’m just like who are

these people that buy these miniature

horses like prance around yeah these little horses

they just walk around with horses

oh they’re show ponies

apparently they’re really affectionate

those little things yeah and they’re a

great fuck what hey wait a minute hey

i’m drunk we’ve been through this before

have you ever thought

about getting one joe’s what i’m asking no i’ve loved

it if you had a little show no there’s a guy across the

street from me that’s kind of horse though

get one it’s kind of a trip

walk by his

house and there’s this

giant animal in his yard

they ride unless you ride them they’re just

gonna be there you pet them and they eat some

that’s the weird

thing they just wander around they don’t do shit

it’s like dogs i have a yard dogs are

they’re always out there

playing and chasing a squirrel or something it’s like

they look like they’re having a good time out there

but if you have a

horse they just

stand there

and look for something to

eat and just move

move a little over here you

could fuck them joe

you don’t fuck horses

didn’t you watch the video we played yesterday

horses fuck you pal you don’t fuck them yeah

you are the conversation killer my brother

the mouth can fuck you

dude there’s some good

luck could you imagine sticking your dick in a

horse have you ever felt it as soft as an ass

it feels like a baby’s butt have you ever it

would be perfect you mean the lips yeah

those those flat grass stained

teeth got a hold of your joint

snapped it off it like the base

it likes carrots just take its

teeth out oh shut the fuck up

great would

crush you just a bone

that bones might

smash you without teeth

even without teeth they would

crush you my mother got bitten by a horse okay

my mother got bit right right right in the

shoulder by a horse thing holy

she was like it was the worst thing she never

out of what for what reason horses by

if a horse doesn’t like you or a horse is fearing

scared or territorial they’ll bite you with those i got

horse teeth

yeah and fuck you up man correct

last time i was on a

horse is because i got bucked and i haven’t been on one

since and that was one of the most scariest

things ever getting fucking a horse is

freaking out and just

bucking you off flying in the you know

i grew up riding

horses i’m still scared of them

yeah fuck big giant animals that you ride

since 2011 i’m

stupid i’m just kidding i hate

horses that’s the best of

my buddy my buddy bob that bet real

tough dude i always tell you about

i said he does everything he rides bulls and

stuff like that and i’ve seen him i have

video of him riding a bull

he knocked both his

teeth out and he was like whatever

stayed on it stayed on it anyway didn’t get off

he plays he plays that poker

thing where

you play poker and a bull they let a bull out and the

last guy to get up though

he plays that he’s always the last guy up

i have video of that he’s the last guy up the

other guys don’t everybody’s like runs and he’s like

he gets up casually like

whatever like that

and i said to him once i go

i go can you ride a horse

he looks at me i guess

i’ll break a

horse bro i

break a horse

dead serious

like he was insulted i

asked him if he

could ride one

he fucking break a wild

horse i got how

would you do that he goes i fucking

ride it till it fucking listens to me that’s how i

could that’s how i do that

i was like you’re a fucking

badass well how does that work

well the horse just gives up and becomes your best now

you have to

break really work yeah you

break a horse on a line

you have it

you teach you

that a run in a circle and you have it on a line and

stuff so if they get a wild

horse they really can

break a wild

horse someone can

you could lasso a wild mustang

yeah but there’s a technique to it you have to you

know you don’t get on it at

first you you

tether it you

tether it to

like a line and you and you and you

teach it how to run you know how does it not just

stomp the fuck

out of you it does a lot of times they will

but you gotta you have a whip

and you keep them in line i mean somebody

really knows what they’re doing

you gotta whip it

the people still do that

in this day and

age you still try to tame wild

horses well you have to

break a horse

where is a wild

horse these days

where you find i

know i want to find

packs of wild horses and

hang out horses

horses are indigenous i believe originally

in the gobi desert of

nepal i mean

of mongolia

so that’s where

horses came

from that’s

where the wild

asses came from

and all that so i believe that the original

the original

horse that’s

where they were originally

from the steps of asia

so do they come

over here on boats they came over here they

think when the

i need to know whether

the bearing straight

or in fact in fact

the native americans didn’t ride

horses right

i understand it

first right

those were brought over by

spaniards by the spaniards

yeah and so

that’s how the

whole deal with the incas

the incas thought

they were gods because they were riding horses

right they thought

they were like this pretty

amazing gods

like they had

no idea what the fuck was that can you imagine you

see somebody riding a huge

horse an animal you’d

never seen you’d

be like what the fuck is that that’s why i always ride

when i ride i always ride naked

just so that they so i look like a centaur

yeah you do look like a centaur yeah

i never know

where to put my balls

i just rested on its fucking backbone went on each side

the first guy to ride a

horse must have been a

bad motherfucker that’s what i mean how

about the first guy decided you know what i’m

gonna ride a fucking bull

who dares me

who dares me

throw a no let’s go further

throw a testicle cinch on that fucking bull and tie my

wrist to it and i’m

gonna fucking

see how long i can stay on it

jesus christ

christ they tie

you gotta tie your

wrist to that fucking thing

that’s why when they fall off and they get caught

oh my god and they’re being

flopped around

like a raft and

stomp have you ever seen him get

stomped out yeah

that’s so terrifying guys

die that way

why do you have to tie yourself on

why do you have to

can you just hold on i don’t know

is that like part of the macho

thing to tie yourself

up no you gotta tie yourself up

cause that’s how you stay on the bull get

the fuck out of here

cause you can’t hold on

you know when

it’s moving like that a body of mind listen to this you

wanna hear some crazy shit

i forget what

branch of whether

it’s a rangers or what branch of the special

forces whatever you have to do

he was talking

about when he

bailed out of the system

and this is what they were

going to have

these guys do

they were gonna tie them

together they honk tie them and

throw them in the

water yeah then you die and then they

die and they

bring you back they do

it with navy seals that that’s what the seal teams do

what that’s

fine seal team 6

dude they want you to be willing to

drown and be convinced that your boy’s

gonna go in

there and dive in once the bubbles stop by the way

okay and no sooner

the bubble stop

you go in pull the guy out he’s drowned

you pump him out and rescue him and give him cpr and

bring him back to life that’s

right they did the seal team seal

teams the seal team six

apparently does that

dude wrap your

brain around that that’s what dudes and

my body was like that was it for him

he was like

you know what this is

where i’m drawing the line

i did not know you guys were

gonna go here

i’ve never known that

they were here’s what we’re doing

today no bench

press no running

you’re gonna die

and we’re gonna

bring you back

trust me fuck out of here

fuck i’ll wake up with you making out now

oh my god could you imagine what must be

going through your head when you just

dive in there hogtide and drown

it’s always that way it’s

back in the remember back

in the day they’d send you out with a lion the maasai

mara the maasai

in kenya and the bantu

they’d send you out with a

spear and go hey

guess what you’re doing you

want to be a man go kill a fucking lion with a spear

and they said the real man

would get the lion to charge him and as a lion

would charge and jump you let it fall on the spear

yeah jesus christ

what if you miss you’re fucking dead i was at the mgm

this last weekend for the

ufc and they have lions

in the middle of the casino dude there’s this big

glass room and there’s this

gigantic apex predator

and it’s got a

ball and it’s

whacking the ball

around and little kids are sitting there staring at it

going look and

pointing dude

what i was doing i remember i was doing mad tv

and i was on the set and they brought a 525

pound male lion

on a chain and

it was the lion

they had done the drawing of lion king over

and they were wondering why i

wouldn’t go near it i was up on the landing

they’re like dude it’s tame i was like

fucking shut up what are you gonna do

what are you

gonna do when it’s dna

kicks in and it looks at me like i’m a gazelle

not a fucking

thing it’s tame

what does that mean

it’s 525 pounds it’s a kitty cat

still got its instincts full intact and your food

your food it’s

one maybe two

generations removed from the fucking jungle

man what are you

gonna do make yourself hard to swallow

no are you sure that he’s

absolutely exercised

to the fullest so that he’s not a little uptight and

tense right

right maybe all this

traveling might be

freaking him

out that’s like

elephants that’s like elephants elephants kill

their handlers

their mahoots

all the time elephants

it’s really interesting when you like

cause when you’re

when you talk

about breaking an animal

they have to

break an elephant and it’s

awful they tie a

small elephant to like

stakes and they

basically beat it

i saw this thing this documentary they’ll

break an elephant’s

spirit problem is

that now you’re riding your elephant and the mahoots in

india it’s like kind of a religious

thing i think in thailand

they will bathe it

they live with it they

spend all the time they feed it they bathe it they

clean it and they get very attached to

their elephants

that an elephant one day just decides you know what

this is ridiculous

you are a parasite on my back

and i don’t fucking

feel like doing what you’re doing so i’m gonna have

and they rage

they’ll go off into a rage and when they get

their handler

they a lot of times will just keep

they’ll stomp them till he’s

jelly and pull them

apart with their tusk

they pull the arms off and shit

and you’re not doing a goddamn

thing until he’s done

making mincemeat

for real out of you

you know that’s why

no chimps no fucking elephants that’s the theme of this

wildcat to animals

elephants dogs and

cats target

humans in some parts of the

world too that’s right

especially if they’ve lost

loved ones to

poachers they come through they come through villages

yeah if they’ve lost

loved ones to poachers

they develop an attitude and they develop a hatred for

humans and they go and attack and

smash people’s

houses just

smash their

houses and pull them out they’re so big and

so powerful

doing a thing your

house is nothing they just walk

right through your

house i mean they

literally just kick down your front door

pull people out stab them to

death it’s crazy they don’t give a fuck no

it’s an elephant

it’s so strange

when you think

about africa

and the quantity

of gigantic

things that can kill you there

india too you know back in the day a lot of people

tigers tigers cobras

a lot of people

die that way in the rural areas it’s amazing

when you look at africa i

mean it’s one of the reasons why you know

african culture

if you look at

the rest of the

world all the inventions that have come out all

these different places

the most dangerous country is africa and that’s the

place with the

least amount of inventions it’s like

you don’t have time

if you’re living in africa you’re actually growing

up and developing in africa you got fucked man you got

dropped off in some place

you’re born

in an area that’s filled with monsters

yeah but aren’t they more advanced than

other monsters like



and stuff like that

maybe well yeah i

mean living

their lives i mean

there was an awesome documentary on the congo

and these talked

about these fishermen that

literally from the time that they’re

young they hang off trees

and there’s a raging

river underneath them they’ve developed this

intricate system of

nets that they create themselves

they make their own rope

using twine from trees and shit like that and

they’re hanging from

these fucking trees over this raging river

and it looks like if they fall in they’re fucked

at the very

least you’re gonna get

smashed you may very well

drown i mean

this is like some serious rapids

and they’re

scooping fish

up as they do it and they’re handing the nets up

really fucking complex

and if you look at it and say well you know they’re

very sophisticated for living in this environment

because if it

was me in that environment how the fuck am i

gonna get a fish

of this raging

crazy sea i’m not

gonna figure that shit out my buddy

lived at the maasai in africa and he told me that

these dudes can tell you the difference between like a

blade of grass

and what it means and

what kind of animal pass through and why that animal

chose that plate of

grass to eat

i mean he said

they have an encyclopedic knowledge

of their environment

and it’s like anything else

human beings

adapt and they use

their minds for what is relevant

to their survival and

they’re flourishing they’re appropriate it’s a

trippy thing

these tribal guys that hire

well americans rather hire them to go on hunts

and they take them to africa like

there’s certain big game hunters

that want one of everything

they’re like oh last time i got a zebra

right you know like they’re shooting zebras

understood that i never understood that

trophy hunting it’s so strange to me very

weird yeah i don’t i don’t on one

hand you know

it can be argued that hunting actually pays to

like when you pay for a hunting tag

it pays to keep

everything healthy

because because it manages

the environment if you put

if you put if there’s a

if there’s a profit

in your environment so if you’re making money

off of hunting

it’s in everybody’s interest to preserve that

did you don’t want to kill the

goose with the golden egg

right you want to keep the goose

alive it goes towards

money goes towards

management and conservation that’s a really

tricky thing

when it comes to hunting even in america like i’ve had

i’ve talked to so many people

about hunting and they have this

crazy fucking

like almost you know disney

movie view of what

what eating meat is and what

meat where meat comes from

like man you don’t want to do that you don’t

want to take some deer’s life you want to do that like

do you understand you’re wearing

leather shoes but

first of all do you not

understand that you have to

do you understand that

unless you want

a nation filled with mountain lions

you have to kill the deer

okay cause otherwise you’re

gonna have no predators and then they’re

gonna be sick

they’re gonna starve to

death everywhere

they’re gonna be hitting them with cars they’re

gonna die miserable horrible vicious

deaths you gotta call her

yeah you have to because

otherwise they’ll just i mean it’s a natural balance

and the way we’ve set up

civilization we’re not

allowing any predators around us you know

which is a pretty

smart thing right

so because of that you know if

you’re not if you don’t have predators and you have all

these deer you have to fucking

shoot some of them

you’ve got to manage it

people they don’t

want to mention though

it’s delicious

it’s delicious

the crazy idea that you’re

not supposed to do that is it’s such a strange argument

you know are

these fucking deer

gonna live forever and cure cancer

like what are you talking

about stupid

they’re gonna die eventually anyway

by the way let’s be honest deer

are food i mean

yeah they’re food

i mean they’re beautiful yes they are

definitely beautiful i’m not saying eat all of them

but you should

shoot a few every year

there’s a reason they’re animals

they’re animals of flight because predators like them

because they’re delicious

would you punch a deer if it

wouldn’t attack you back

dude these are dangerous

deers fuck humans

never gonna

attack you back with you

why would i do that i know

why would i want to hit it i pet it

you would pet if you had a pet deer that

would get you laid

hey you guys girls want to pet my deer

every single girl on the way

oh my god that’s the cutest

deer that is

supposed to be

where you find it

do you have a way with animals

do you remember that

movie beast master yes i do the dude who was like

sculpted abs and no shirt

and he’s just the

greatest he’s just in tune with all the animals

greatest actor

of all time

greatest show of all time there i said it

do i remember the


i fucking lived the


what was his

deal how was he so in tool with the animals

well i fucking

i took his class i’ll tell you we don’t have time

right now i took his workshop dr do

you took what workshop

the beast master works you had a workshop

doctor dolittle

get me really excited

i was like i’ve got to go to this workshop

beast master

well i had those

two goddamn parents that was pretty much and two dogs

and a snake what an asshole i was

you’ve had a bunch of

crazy animals yeah

in my thirties i did

well you know what man if i

could have it

like a gigantic chimpanzee reserve

like in my backyard

i know we’ve talked

about that before

building some

very thick wall

managing it

like a zoo environment just have a huge chimpanzee

enclosure is

gonna protect me like i just

want something on my next to me all the time that just

might you know

turn you up if you

give me a hard time

how would how

would how would

gsp do against a

champ if you

muzzled if you

muzzled it couldn’t bite you with

those fucking

those mouth tusks just

crush it it would

crush your bones

they’re talking

about dude i was i was in i was in the san

diego zoo and i was

watching the mountain gorillas wrestle

they’re the best wrestlers

on the planet

so strong but they’re also

wrestlers they that they grow up

wrestling the the babies

all they do is

wrestle all

day wow and they do good moves like granby rolls

really drags

really gorillas to arm

do arm drags

great bambi

rolls i mean

guillotines it’s amazing bro it’s incredible wow

i was literally

i’m telling you i’m not kidding when i say like

ankle picks

crazy shit veins ducks

it’s at the san

diego zoo go there

and you can go right up

to the glass

and then there’s the silverback

who just sits with his back to everybody

and you just look at this 600

pounds six foot one gorilla 6'1 600

pounds no fat

ladies and gentlemen no fat on it

he’s 600 pounds 6'1

that’s two a brock

lesnar’s okay

i would love to

watch and the all he eats is broccoli

that’s all he eats is fucking

grass and yeah

grass and bamboo sheets i eat

greens isn’t that incredible

yeah that big and that strong

and it’s mostly to keep everybody the fuck away yeah

just stop let me fucking eat

oh just let me sit here

and have some fucking vegetables they were

trying to figure out how

strong a mountain

gorilla is and they couldn’t figure it out

but there was this log that took like

seven men to move because it was part of the exhibit

the mountain

gorilla had a little tantrum and flung the log

it flung it

didn’t just

throw it but flung it you know when

you fling something it means it’s really light like

don’t fling that

bottle at me

it really is a trip that they’re so

strong and all they do is eat vegetables

like what happened to the gorilla

that made it not want to just pick some animal up and

start eating it one day i don’t know that’s a

weird thing

right because they’re just

total herbivores you know

yeah pretty much

right i don’t

think they eat any meat

whatsoever chimps chimps eat a lot of meat

a lot of meat

yeah champs organized hunting parties yeah i

think we’ve talked

about this before on the show you and i have

i’m not sure if we have because it’s a subject we

discuss i never get

tired of that so i

never do either

i can go on forever talking

about chimps talk

about fucking hunting chimps all day

did i tell you went to a fake fog of the

child the other day

a fake one a fake one it’s called like samba

at universal

and folk of the child

if you’ve been there

where it’s like

all you can eat meat like

just come and bring

shou has korea they’re called

so i sat there for a half hour and the only

thing i got was a

guy with a sausage come over

so i’m getting kind of pissed i’ve told

the waitress like

four times all

right i went to picani

i went to some

kind of meat i’ve been here for 30 minutes

right so then they

come over with one

piece of meat and

slice it off and then it goes

boom boom and all

these dancers come out like

these brazilian dancers

that’s not brazilians i love that and all the meat

people run away

and you’re just sitting there

watching this show for like 10 minutes

and then you come back and then

it was the most

like obvious like we only want you to eat a teeny

piece of meat

and then we’re

gonna go over

here and i love

dancing with my

meat i love

i love a little dancing with my meat yeah i wish it

tastes better

i was at a restaurant once and they

started doing that and i just i just

was like no i don’t want to

do this i don’t like

to pull me out of my

chair i’m like no

thank you i’ll take dancers

any day over the accordion

and the guitar

and that that

that singing like

they just kind

of let you know when you’re walking in the door

you know these guys

i was in the

dominican republic

of my family by the way family vacations are the

worst but anyway

yeah but i would way rather have someone play

music than someone try to pull you out of your

chair and make

you dance yeah

that’s what this

chick was doing just like come on it

was just trying to be able to step up a damn trying to

no it was just trying to confuse you

so you don’t realize that you’re not eating meat

so that you

would get stuffed

and then you get this how do

you get stuffed

because you’re eating salad bars

okay so i wanna go

to brazil if you’ve been 30 minutes once yeah

i really love i just like brazilian

why don’t you come down for the ufc

ufc’s in august

um i’m there okay we’re going

really yeah we’re

going to brazil i’m i’m there

i’m saying that now i’m talking

about that yeah

it’s a yeah i don’t

think the card has been put in place yet

because it’s

quite a ways away you know it’s an august

i have to figure out who they’re

gonna believe

i’m pretty sure it’s locked in

coffee better in brazil

coffee yeah brazil’s not

really known for

their coffee no

no i think it’s colombia colombia

hawaii hawaii is the best coffee

brazilians own hot women right

with big asses

yes and toxoplasma that’s the place where

people are infected by that cat oh

66 of the people what

you don’t know about this oh my brother

we talked about it yesterday unfortunately but i’ll

bring it up again cause you’re gonna freak the fuck out

there is a there is a parasite called toxoplasma

and it’s a cat parasite

and it affects rats and

what it does to rats is it gets the rats and rewires

their sexual system

and has them attracted to the

smell of cat piss

so these rats

start going

where cat piss is

and like literally testy

swell the whole meal

the cats eat them

and now the cat has this parasite

and that’s how it

travels from cat to rat

and it gets to

humans and it gets to

humans if they

touch cat shit or if they touch it

when it’s in the field

and when it gets in your

system it does two

things for women

it makes them more sexually


and it makes them more submissive

and for men it makes them more arrogant assholes

and they even have

correlated it to

successful soccer teams

when you look at

countries because it makes you so

aggressive and so reckless

and you look at

countries that are

successful in

the world cup also

have very high rates of toxoplasma in their

population i need to get some time

i want to no you don’t

want because it slows your reaction time

out i can get to it

there was a doctor on

there’s a youtube

video i really forget the guy’s name

go over it again but it was a guy who was a

toxic plasma researcher

who used to work in an emergency room

and he found

that when they tested people food were

motorcycle accidents


amount of them were toxoplasma infected wow

and it made them reckless

it makes you reckless and it may even slow

your reaction time that’s

crazy it’s really strange but

it’s a you know it’s a real

brain altering

parasite that’s affected 50 million americans

i just want to see what in 30 years

when we’ve really kind of got a lot of this biochemic

chemistry down and how our

bodies react and

what kind of pills they’re

going to come up with well

are they going to be able to eradicate something

this you figure out a way to send nanobots

in there to kill all the questions yeah most likely

what the fuck

would they do how

would you kill something that becomes a

brain parasite no

i whenever people ask

these questions you know i just

think to myself people say well you know we’re

gonna we’re

gonna come up with different

things but the

there’s always

gonna be plain old

death and there’s always

gonna be these issues and new

diseases and new mutations and stuff

the body’s time is finite

you just have to accept that i mean

make use of it what you can and keep it as healthy

as possible but you must accept that it’s finite

i know i’m always working out though my

buddy who’s a writer and

doesn’t do a lot of

stuff he’s just a

kind of intellectual guy

he’s always looking at me and i’m working

out and i’m doing my dead list and i’m doing all this

stuff and he’s

like look at the little man trying to stop the clock

trying to slow the

clock down ryan

that’s true but you know what man

it does one

thing for me for sure

it makes me

like it blows stress out

and makes me see the

world it makes me feel

better i love

i think exercise i know everybody

thinks it’s a vanity

thing and a lot of it is vanity

you know there’s a lot of guys what

you know you want to look good you want to look better

you don’t want to be sexually

sexually discussed

i also talk

about like in

this part of my

stand up now i’m just talking

about how i really also think it’s

it’s genetic it’s also like you wanna

do a couple

things one you

wanna look like you

gotta guys bench

press there’s no reason to really

bench press is not kind of a useless exercise you

never really do the

bench press good

for hip escapes

yeah yeah it is but i’m just saying that

usually you’re not in a situation

where you have to hip escape

but i’ve got a hip escape at

least three days a week

but it’s good it’s just a

breeding instinct we want to

fluff our feathers so girls

see that we’ve got that

going we want to look like we can

fight the tiger man

we want to look like

we’re you know that’s

why guys fucking you know you got to look like you

yeah the bench is not really that important

no but it fluffs

you know it’s like your peacock

it’s like birds man

it’s really

funny when you see some dudes that are like

completely disproportionate

like these weird

bodies with chick

strippers like a big

chest i read it in muscle

and fitness bro

there was this one dude at the gym

had this giant chest and

giant arms okay

and then he used to wear

sweatpants okay you

never saw his legs but there’s no way they

could match his

upper body his

upper body was massive

and his neck

was like a small man’s

arm that’s a terrible thing

man you always

gotta look at the neck

you gotta look at the neck and the legs actually

first crazy wobbly

neck i was like this is the

weirdest combination of

like this guy

just decided to just

every day do the same goddamn exercises yeah

flies just packed that blew up his upper body

but there’s probably a complete

disconnect between all three

systems i bet his body works terrible

it’s probably so confused as to why it’s so

heavy on top

that’s why when you roll with a guy like that

a lot of times he’s a bodybuilder and he feels like

you can move

him so well and then you get some dude who just has

got kind of a

thick neck and kind of like a big base and just

big legs and also

he’s a tank you’re like

i can’t even move you well

what a lot of people do that are like bodybuilder

type strength guys they ignore the legs and the back

those are the most important

things for your movement absolutely

absolutely your legs and all the way up through your

upper back you know your core like your ability to stay

and keep your own position and the ability to resist

you know being pushed around

and your ability

to push off your legs that’s the most important thing

so when guys are always like doing

bench presses

and shit like you’re concentrating on the dumbest shit

concentrating on most of the

least important shit yeah i was

gonna ask you

obviously i’m a huge

ufc fan and you talk

about this a lot so i don’t want to talk

about it too much but

one thing i always notice

when i watch it with a lot of my friends we always talk

about how detailed your knowledge is about

the fight game

you know you’ve always been a

fighter and you boxed

and you did a lot of taekwondo and you did and you

wrestled and

jiu jitsu and you continue to

but how much has

your understanding of

fighting evolved do you think it’s

evolved a lot or have you always kind of had it

yeah well you just

watching the

fights it into it evolves

because you see more

things you know you see more

i don’t just

watch ufc i always

watch like k one

like i’m a big fan of k one kickboxing and muay thai

and i like watching but don’t you

think it’s just jelly

brian and the jelly

the jelly the

jelly is good too

but don’t don’t you

hate one jelly

i don’t know what you’re talking

about but don’t you

think it’s but

are you surprised that you’re

watching really

great wrestlers like maynard and

what’s his name

frank actor yeah

watching to

top flight college

collegiate wrestlers

box now it’s like becoming

it looks like it’s becoming

it’s almost like i’m

starting to see why boxing even came

about it kind of like

evolved into boxing

ultimately you know

well i don’t

think so i think what it is with

those two guys is

they’re both really good

wrestlers and it’s really hard to take each

other down so it’s almost like

and they want to

stand and bang because you know it

starts to become

like you know a

thing you know like

you know he’s

gonna meet me

in the center of the octagon and we’re just

gonna sling leather

right you know and right

you know hey if he wants to

stand with me you know

there’s a lot of that so

guys want to

knock guys out it’s the best feeling in the

world i’m sure

and guys want to

submit guys too

and i think both guys are really difficult to take down

and so when you’re really difficult to take each

other down it’s like what are we

gonna do we’re

gonna try to

take each other down and nobody

really wants

to go to the

ground anyway it’s exhausting you’d rather

you know what

i mean well the

quickest way to win i mean if you can’t

catch a submission obviously is win by

knockout and ray maynard has some

heavy heavy hands as you saw in that fight

i’ve never seen anybody hit so many times in the

first round get hurt so many times

and come back and win the next

round it was incredible incredible he dude

ray maynard is a

beast man he rocked him with a left hook and then just

started like

beating on a man i mean it was

anybody else you

seen him as high as one ninety he gets big he gets big

he’s a really

thick kid he’s very very muscular i know he’s got

those lats that go all the way down

his hips he’s one of

those guys that like when he cuts weight he really you

know he has to diet for a long time

he has to know in advance when he’s fighting

he has to diet get his body fat

real low and then

slowly dehydrate himself it’s

like they have it down to a science so when he gets in

the octagon he’s not 155 he’s probably 165 170

somewhere around that

he’s big he’s very

heavy so super

strong you know and

i couldn’t believe that

frankie edgar

fucking take

those shots man it was crazy

he’s just incredible he just kept

going man he

would not quit

it was several opportunities for him to quit

where he was just

getting bombed on that if he wanted to give it up he

could have just

given it up

he never for a minute

i’d be very

interested to see

it very interesting to see how he or manor did

against jose aldo

yeah you talking to me baby

well apparently they’re

gonna rematch

which i think

these guys gonna rematch

which i think is

gonna be fantastic

know i think when you got a

fight that’s that

close god it was so close

there’s so many arguments like you know what was the

first round was it a 10 8

round was it

some guys have said it

could have been a 10 7

you know obviously i’m not a

judge i don’t i don’t really

score the fights that way but i think

you know if

i looked at it you know you looked at it like as far as

rounds one and you know fuck it’s

close it’s real

close the big

thing is the

first round how much damage did you give

maynard in the

first round because a lot of the other

rounds are like

man there’s a few of them that were really close

just incredible that

edgar could come back like that it’s incredible

it’s great what’s

your call on the maynard adjusted really well too

cause he almost

punched himself out in the

first round and

second round

he was having a hard time

then the third

round he got

loose again

so he came right back so you know you

say it wrestling and you’ve been wrestling

since you were that

young and you’ve been

learning how to suck weight and you have to

train that hard

they’re so mentally tough

you know they’re the most

mentally tough

i went to i went

to dan gables intensive

wrestling camp when i was in high

school and they

trained us so

bad so hard i that’s when i decided i’m not

wrestling in college

this is a nightmare i’m not doing this

dan gables got famous

for that well you know dan gable also has like two

hips and two

fake knees yeah that’s

crazy he really

literally wore his body down to the bone

well he does that with his wrestlers

apparently he it’s a mental

thing like he’ll he’ll just wear you down

to the point

where but you know the the real interesting argument

about that is the eastern

europeans they they don’t do it there’s like a bunch of


i swear to god i just it’s the

other phone

i have two phones in my office

holy shit that’s what happens when you’re a billionaire

you know when you’re a kid and your mom told you to

don’t crack your

knuckles because

it makes your

fist bigger

what’s that

do you remember

when you were a kid and your mom told you not to

crack your knuckles

cause they’ll make your

knuckles bigger did you ever hear that as great

i always thought like oh yeah i

might crack my

knuckles so i have a bigger fist i could

punch people better

i think i just started

cracking all my

knuckles to

think that’s how i’m

building my body’s muscle up and i forgot that that

doesn’t really work like

no man i’m just glad i’m not up

i don’t have to

fight for a living that’s a hard life i respect

those guys last of our

phone problems i

swear to god

i disconnected both of them

you get rid of your home

phones who uses home

phone what’s your call

what’s your call on up here there’s no cellular service

what’s your call on the

silver velvet or

and anderson

is an interesting

fight you know vitor is

a really dangerous guy

like as far as like box

like his yeah

his hands he’s really dangerous yeah so fast

you saw a rich

franklin fight

how quick he took out

franklin’s crazy

if he unloads

on you like that and catches you he comes with a

swarm of punches man i know

the only problem the v tours had is in the past

he’s had a harder time in like the

second and third

rounds maintaining the same intensity but

he’s had some mental issues but he had like

a really a lot of like real serious personal issues

like his sister was kidnapped and murdered terrible

yeah a lot of hard

stuff happened the worst

thing to ever go through

yeah and then

he’s such a

sweet person and

you know you have to make a living so you have to

fight so you’re forced to take

fights when you’re not in a good state

and i’m not making any excuses for the guy but


if you watch his

fights he’s very very

strong in the beginning of the

fight the issues that he has is in

second and third

rounds so at

185 the idea is that he killed

those issues because it was before

that he was

carrying around too much muscle

and now he’s much leaner at 185

which is his natural weight isn’t it

yeah he’s probably

a bit bigger than that in real life you know

probably closer to 200

pounds but you know when he’s in lean

shape like ready for a

fight yeah he’s so

ridiculously athletic he always was

super fast like

his reflexes are

incredible right now

right it’s very good yeah

know he’s had

like yeah he’s

had some issues in the past like alstar over

him submitted

him but you

know the reality is a lot of that was probably fatigued

if you’re tired man you

leave your neck out there and a guy like

alstar jumps on it

doesn’t matter who you are

no it doesn’t you know if you’re

fighting an mma

fight you’re not

adequately physically prepared it’s you’re

gonna do some stupid

it’s why to me mma is

is the greatest

sport because it requires

everything it requires like

literally not

just your courage and you have to be in top physical

shape but you know anything can happen the margin for

error is so slim

you make one mistake you get

tired and even the

training you have to go through

to become a really good boxer to become a really good

wrestler to become

and to stay in really good shape

that’s just a full time

job all the time yeah and what happens is you mean

you have to decide

where you’re gonna

dedicate your time is it

gonna be to strengthen conditioning

is it gonna be to work in your

skills cause you only have a certain amount of

hours in a day

a certain amount of resources

in your physical body

exactly you’re

gonna burn yourself out to the

point where you can’t recover

and there’s no

money in it i mean

the other thing is

just in the

beginning of his job man well

at the high

levels there is though

at the high

levels there’s rockstar money

like george

st pierre is balling

that guy’s making

ridiculous crazy

money like brock

lesnar made

ridiculous money

anybody who can sell tickets

chuck lindell

ridiculous money

but it’s the guys who can sell

pay per views

the guys who can

get a piece of the action

guys who are

legit stars what the

ufc’s done that’s so smart

that a lot of people are

upset about is they’ve made the name

ufc bigger than any fire that’s the

smartest thing that daemite’s ever done

yeah the whole

thing is the

brand name is bigger than any fire

and the good thing

about that is everyone in the organization

that’s in there they can get them to

fight each other

and when you have

outside there’s a

bunch of different

promotions the argument for that

against that rather is what’s

going on with

floyd mayweather and manny pacquiao

they just won’t fucking fight each

other it’s like

floyd mayweather just

doesn’t want to

fight him he

just keeps putting it off

you know i want drug testing

i want to take his

blood 10 minutes

before the fight

it’s just fucking

i mean they’re convinced many packets

on steroids

but then you look at his last

fight he was 20 fucking

pounds lighter

so crazy that margarita

dude margarita

is lighter than

margarita margarita

is an animal

and he knew

just a big comeback

fight for him

and walks around at

175 yeah he’s a big dude and has

never actually been

heard i don’t

think margarita

not like that and

pacquiao just

he figures your game out and

sugar shame mostly

by the way stopped him so i shouldn’t say he has

never been hurt that’s not true i forgot

about that fight

that was the fight

where i can’t believe i forgot

about that fight

because that was a fight

where he got exposed for

having plaster in his

gloves no that

was actually the coda

fight no no

no no it’s sugar

shame mostly really

yes absolutely

that’s why he came out

like almost jejected and humiliated and was suspended

and sugar sham mosley beat the fucking shit out of that

fight and that was a

fight where

a lot of people were saying well one of the reasons

why i bet he got his ass kicked he probably felt

super guilty

they got caught with his hand in the cookie jar

that he had been doing that to people

for a long time a lot of people suspected

sure he like

broke up code oh he

broke up a lot of guys yeah

it really that’s really dangerous man i mean

frankly to be honest with you i

would have banned

him for life for that yeah

i mean it’s kind of ridiculous

that he only got a year banned

he’s outrageous if they could

prove that he had done it more

even just proving that he did it once i also

think i also personally

think anybody does that and lets

their trainer

do that i think the

whole campus scumbag yeah

i think it’s just a scumbag that’s

some creepy shit

shitting plaster in

2010 you’re putting plaster in your rafts the worst

wow you know

but meanwhile

what i said mackie manny pacquiao 20

pounds fucking lighter

lights him up

like a christmas tree but he’s nobody’s come

close to this guy

he’s probably the

greatest fighter ever

i really think he’s

greatest boxer ever he’s one in

eight different weight divisions i mean how do you

argue against that right

i mean if you see what he does to

all these different

fires oh by

the way he’s a politician too

oh and by the way when he

fights all of his country all of the philippines

stops to watch

crime goes down

no pressure manny

and he goes in there like hey hey what’s

up everybody hi how are you he’s waving dudes in the

stands before they even

tried to hype up this

fight by talking

about you know how his

training camp hasn’t been

going so good like you

watch the hbo 24 7

man he’s so distracted man he’s so distracted

meanwhile he gets in there

i got this thing

that dude is just

watching fireworks grow off

he’s standing in front of that little fucking little

lightning bolts flying left and right

he’s seeing those

sparks in front of his eyes

every 10 seconds he’s like

roberto duran when he was younger but way better

he’s got similar

he touches his belt he comes in

does that weird he loves

fighting too man even though he has so much to lose

he still loves fighting

he’s a born fighter that’s what i

think is the hardest thing is when you become

that biggest celebrity and you have that many fans

and you get into a ring

you have a lot to lose

and the great

champions can somehow

put that out of

their heads

and he seems like

it makes him

elevate it makes him better you know

he seems like the weight of

these people behind him just makes him better

some people talk

trash it doesn’t work some

other people do like

chelsson and obviously talking trash

away does it helps them it works for him i don’t know

well the thing

about manny pacquiao too is that he seems to be doing

everything perfectly

he seems to be a really nice guy

yeah didn’t you tell me he also

plays a pool like really well like professional level

he plays better than me

he plays professional

level pool that’s crazy

one thing he’s not good at is singing apparently

well yeah he

plays karaoke and shit but give him some time he’ll

probably get good at that too if you really wanted to

we’ll be if you

people talk enough shit

about his singing

he’ll probably hire

voice coaches and just become one of the badass

opera singers of our

generation would

never be able to deny him he’s just a bad

motherfucker him

versus old tyson who

would you sit go with

oh come on he’s a tiny guy i know but if it was

if they were the

same size well

you know that was the most interesting

thing about

tyson when he was

young is that he

moved like a man much

smaller than him

you watch like the mike

tyson marvis frazier fight

that is one of the most disturbing boxing matches ever

cause marvis knew what was

gonna happen

we knew it was

gonna happen

tyson knew it was

gonna happen

the announcers knew it was

gonna happen

they were all talking

about it this is

a lot of people saying this is a mismatch and then

tyson just comes

raring at him

moving in frames

you’re not even seeing all

of his movements because he’s moving so goddamn fast

and all of a

sudden he’s hurling

these left hooks in your direction

and you feel your

rib cage imploding

and before you even

react to it another one’s hit you on the

other side of the head

he was having

trouble finding sparring partners

because he was

crushing people

he moved so fast that was the

thing he didn’t move like ali

where you know

would move with

fancy footwork and

dance around joe

frazier style

but different because

with both hands you know

he would throw

rights and lefts with

equal abandon

you know whereas

joe frazier was a big left hooker and he had a decent

right hand but it was nothing like

tyson’s tyson’s

famous for that

right hook to the body

right uppercut combination

he was a fucking

for one brief moment one

brief period of history

he changed that

whole sport

he changed watching boxing

watching boxing was

never watching an

execution okay

when marvin hagler was

fighting good guys like when he was

fighting john the

beast mugabe

it was like a big fight

everybody got

excited about

it like holy shit mugabe’s a

knockout punch

right and it was a

fight so mugabe

knocked out

terry norris mugabe

is a bad motherfucker mugabe’s got serious power

you know this

could be the

fight for haggar

mike tyson’s

fights were executions

it’s like here’s

bruce eldon

here’s mike

tyson look at

bruce elden’s knee shake

you know all of a sudden

tyson’s charging

after him boom the

fight’s over well you know what they said is

don king used to set up monitors

and he’d have a highlight reel of

tyson knocking dudes out and when you were

gonna fight him he

would always

set the monitors up so the

fighter in the mgm

would have to walk through that

don king was nuts that way and so you’d be

fighting him and you just see

these highlight

wheels of him like

he’s crushing dudes in slow motion that makes sense

some of the monitors pay attention you gotta go

fight mike tyson some of those guys were so intimidated

that’s a huge i met him

one time in vegas

tyson and you just get put on weight but he’s so thick

like his hand is so thick

his his his hips and his head

everything is just so wide you’re like

a different human being i never grow

yeah well he’s

he was just so compact and fast

he was a new model heavyweight

shorter than

six feet tall to me to me to me like if you

would have picked the prototype of what i

just the ultimate like top of the food chain dude

that’s what i’d like to look like i always wear

black shorts and

black shoes

would you remember when he came out of prison

and he was super yoked

like he came out of prison

in prison all he was doing was push ups and sit ups and

dips and getting tattooed

with fucking


peace features

i’ll take down killing

about 40 million people

how crazy is the arthur ash

tattoo it’s like alright

dude i got you okay

is a grace he’s a fantastic


che guevara

he’s got jake

tattooed on him too

doesn’t he doesn’t he

jay and bow

yeah he’s a fascinating

motherfucker man for that

brief moment like i said that guy

he changed the

whole sport

changed the whole

sport he lost his

trainer right right

well lost a

bunch of things there was a

bunch of things that happened

you know fame happened and also

it’s almost impossible to keep up the

level of rpms that

he was operating at you know when he was at the very

top of his game when he was like challenging for the


title and he was

training you

know getting up at five o’clock in the morning

every time running

once once you know

once girls start coming into the

picture and

money starts coming in the

picture and well you know he showed

you know he said to todd phillips

recently and the hangover too and he goes he goes um

that todd told me the

story and it was

funny we were talking

about the power of

women and how

no matter how much

money you make and stuff and

women are always kind of a rush you

know and mike

tyson said to todd he goes

man i’ve had it all

i’ve had i’ve had

money i’ve had fame

but if god invented anything better than

pussy he’s keeping it for himself

that’s good

he’s keeping it for himself

that’s brilliant

oh my god that

might be the wisest

thing anyone’s ever said ever

that’s right man

that’s genius that should be in a book somewhere

someone folks

someone put

that put that as your avatar as your signature

at the bottom you know you want to do that free

screen name

you need that

god damn that’s brilliant

did you saw that guy that we talked

about yesterday i don’t know if you saw

those or not brian

there’s this homeless guy that has this really awesome

radio voice

and he was a bum on

the side of the road and this guy just filmed him and

it was like here

here’s some

money and the guys said

why thank you very much and it was just like the most

creepiest video

anyways a day

after like he’s really yeah

yeah really play it for brian

it’s really quick

i wish i wish i’ve always wanted to have

like i got knocked

the fuck out of here you can do any

voice i always

tell people no but i want a

voice like that’s just

naturally just

got a lot of gravel in it just a sexy kind of

like a lumberjack

voice just a

guy who keeps you real calm and gets you real

horny when he talks

how old are you

are you crazy

are you crazy

are you the love master you’re 17 years old you look

every bit of 20 to me all right

sorry creepy

sorry oh wait no that’s not it

great and now this place is

flooded dude i always tell people there’s two

two funniest moments now the funniest moments ever

one of them

was in the hotel

you and me and

eddie bravo and

larry and a couple

other dudes and we were really

super baked and you went into your

brazilian jiu jitsu

rapist character

oh my god dude

i remember laughing till i

literally couldn’t breathe i’ve said

this is the funniest moment i’ve ever had in my life

is that moment

and the other moment is joey diaz on the alex

jones show those two i

haven’t seen that

you have to say it it’s the most

ridiculous thing ever

joe you know alex

jones show us all camp

trails are taking up our skies oh

yeah keep bio

chips they’re doing it they’re putting it inside

children cereal

ladies and gentlemen

with the elitist

they want to lower the

population and vaccines and you know it’s all like

crazy we need to buy gold you know it’s

he gets nutty and joey

ds is on there

joey diaz comes on because alex is my friend and i’ve

known alex for like 10 years

and he’s right

about a lot of

things i mean he’s really

right about a lot of

things he’s good

and i think the only way to

chase things down the way that guy does is you

gotta be a little

loony yeah so he’s a little

loony but he’s a

great guy alex

jones is a great guy

but he’s got this conspiracy theories

theory right wing

kind of a radio show

and joey comes on it and

we go on to the internet

break but brian

queue that shit up

we go here’s the homeless guy

okay the first yeah play the homeless guy first hey

wanna make you

work for your dollar say something with that

great radio

voice when you’re listening to nothing

but the best of oldies you’re listening to magic 98 9

are you thank

you so much

that’s amazing

so that guy got a job

that was so anyways yesterday that that that video hit

today the was that the colts gave him a

house and a job working for him is it the colts i

think yeah the cleveland colts or whoever the cleveland

cleveland guys

that’s great

find find out who this is

give them props

cavaniares the

cavaliers the

cavaliers the cavs

i should have

are a basketball team

yeah so they picked him up as

their announcer

yeah they picked well they offered

williams a full time job doing

voiceover work for the team

and a free home in cleveland

dude the internet is a

motherfucker i love it

i love it in one day

that guy got a housing

brings us all together

ladies and gentlemen brings us

all together it’s beautiful and it’s a great

story i also it’s a

brilliant pr

move there’s

also a video of

my friend was giggling and showed me this

thing and i looked at it was a man

castrating himself

yeah i’ve seen a few of

those yeah i was like

great that’s what i don’t need the internet for

i watched one

where a guy

tied off his balls with rubber bands that’s what i

detailed every single

aspect of the balls

dying and him cutting off the balls with a

serrated knife

i didn’t see that i saw the hatchet job oh

cry mini cry

mini criminy

there’s a lot of

crazy motherfuckers out there dude goddamn

i wonder if this homeless

shit’s gonna

catch on and all

these homeless people are

gonna start trying to do

voices so now there’s just

gonna be tons of homeless people coming up you

going hey how’s it

going hey can i have some

i think there’ll be like a slow like

incubation period before it hits the homeless people

cause most of them don’t have the internet

right so it’s

gonna take like

six months of

somebody trying to drag him into a library mike you

gotta see this is it heroin

if it’s not i’m not going

and then i’d

say january

two thousand eleven this guy got a job

we need an act

this is like a fred flintstone

movie we need an act

unless they start

fred started barney rubble

unless they

start reading

their toilet paper

you know me like oh

now do you remember fred flintstone and barney rumble

they’re always like there’s always scams together oh

he’s coming out with things

they always had some new scams fred

we gotta come up with our eyes

we’re gonna

start a band

we need something

remember it was always like trying to figure out a shit

and his wife was always cock

blocking and holding him down my

buddy my buddy it has

asperger syndrome

really and he’s fifty

and he’s really

smart but he’s also

completely crazy and we were

driving and he’s fifteen looks me and he goes he goes

i’ve been thinking

about something

i go what he goes

think we should

start a band

and i go wow that’s a really good idea johnny

is he driving or you driving i’m driving he goes thank

god he goes

do you think so

i go i do think so

the only issue is that i don’t

think either

one of us sings or plays an instrument so what

would we do he goes

well you know you’re charismatic so you

could figure something out you know and i would

i do sing i do sing

i’ve always had

music inside of me

i go okay but if you

sing that’s good i don’t i’m a shower singer so what

would i do and he was like

you know like just a tambourine and plus you

could just be the leader of the band

i was like you’re the greatest

human being of all time i’ll do that in a heartbeat

so anyway anybody

wants to join me and johnny’s band please

please give me a call

can they get in and hold you on twitter are you

gonna have auditions

for the band you know i

would but you know for me i just it’s

funny i wish i played an instrument i

never had the patience

what fascinates me is why some people choose certain

instruments like the guitar i get it you get laid the

piano the drums

the tuba that’s

the dumbest fucking instrument like there’s not even

a song really yeah you’re just you need a huge

brass band and

you only play like boom boom boom boom boom you know

there’s no real

like full songs for the tuba or like

what else there’s a couple of like the accordion

certain things that people have a calling for that are

fascinating i always used to love

what was that

movie the spike lee

movie about jazz

with denzel washington

yeah what was that

called better blues yeah

more better blues yeah

and i used to love

watching like

like the part

where denzel washington

would take out his

trumpet and he would

clean it it was like a ritual

and then he

would go through

all his practice routines like he was so desperate


about his practice well

trump explains

how to get out i’m like i

gotta practice

yeah yeah yeah you know whitten

marseaus talks

about that he’s considered by many to be the

greatest jazz

trumpeter you know in the world and

was he the dude that was on the tonight show

or was it his brother no that was his brother branford

but witness

is considered a

real maestro like

in the same pantheon as like

yo yo ma or even

louis armstrong

so he just completely

dedicated to the art yeah

by the time he was 19 he was on a

physical technical

level with the

trumpet that you

know was so far

superseded anybody in the

field almost

and they also say and i’ve

heard this from people like

harry connick jr and

stuff who say that

he does things on a

trumpet you’re

not physically supposed to be able to do like

your fingers aren’t supposed to be able to do that

stuff really yeah

cause he can just move them so

fast i mean

such dexterity in the

things that he does but

he talks a lot about

you know just what practice means

and the kind of

thing that i believe he

still blows on a read an hour a day

which is like a beginner’s thing

but he says

if you know the daily

practice the

daily adherence to practice

is what changes

everything and not only that he also talks

about like when you do a performance

you come off and you got a high and you killed it

that energy

a lot of people go well i’m

gonna have a couple

drinks and celebrate

actually what a guy like that’ll do is go i got

all this new energy

and he goes and shuts himself in the room and practices

even more with that newfound sort of rush that energy

and he talks

about the difference between being

truly great and

truly original

and being like everybody else are those

kinds of things

like pushing yourself to that

level everybody has

their own process of course

but nobody practices as much as he does

you know he was talking

about yeah that discipline

the adherence to discipline is so

attractive you know in my mind it’s like so what i

would like to be doing

you know i stay as disciplined as i can

but i’m so fucking impulsive

there’s so many different things

entering into my interest all the time

and part of me says well that’s

where some of my

creativity comes

from is this fascination with a constant need for

all this new information and new

things and yeah but

it’s also a distraction yeah

it’s massive and i also

think that in some ways like i always

think that you get to a certain

point in your life

where you in a way know everything

that you need to know to create something

perfect and beautiful yeah but it’s not new

it’s new current shit

which is the most fascinating

thing to me and

the crazy thing

about what’s

going on the internet now is every

goddamn day

you get twitter messages and

message board messages on

the rogan board

where it’s all

these new incredible

scientific discoveries

all these new

weird things that are happening around the

world like the thousand fucking

thousands of birds

that have died and fallen from the sky in arkansas

and everybody’s

going what the fuck is going on

you know and i

heard that’s

viral just because they’re filming

angry birds

right now what

that’s just

viral videos are

you serious for the

angry birds movie

are you serious

i think that’s a

rumor that’s

going around there’s no way

you’re gonna kill thousands no

no they think

what happened they actually

think what happened was that’s like the

fireworks in new year’s actually

roused them from their

sleep and they

ran they couldn’t

see and ran into like different chimneys and

everything they just

they stay that

doesn’t make

sense because

there’s thousands of them and they’re over

fields and shit the

thousands of them got scared and fell from the sky dead

that doesn’t

sound right

sounds like bird flu or something maybe it

sounds like they fucking poison them or something

that sounds more like

yeah there’s probably some you know

cloud or something there’s the conspiracy theory

angle there’s a

bunch of people

that are trying to pawn it off on this one guy

i should know this man’s name so i’m

gonna look it up right now

but this guy

just got killed

and he was a chemical weapons expert

and he was tortured and murdered

and i think yeah and they

think there’s some sort of a

connection to it

that the guy

turned up missing and

turned up missing and i

think in delaware and they

found him in a landfill

he had been murdered

yeah and they believe that this guy

was yeah here he is

yes official yeah he

it’s it’s really kind of creepy man

their stories are very

bizarre because this guy was like

he worked under george

herbert walker bush as well

and he’s an

expert in in

weapons in biological weapons and chemical weapons

it’s crazy shit man

and the of course the conspiracy angle

is that they were testing something and killed all

these birds off and he might have protested

or freaked out or you know

i spent a lot of time

reading history and

one of the things i like about doing that as opposed to

even looking at

where we’re headed is how how

little how much changes but also how little changes

in a lot of ways the man’s name is john p

wheeler for anybody who wants to look into the story

john h a o h n p

wheeler w h e e l e r

and just type that into google and i’m sure a

bunch of different stories will come up on this guy

this is somebody printed do all the

websites end with like is

or anything no some of them are

well the ones that are

legit ones that aren’t

claiming any sort of conspiracy

those are interesting

because what they talked

about is the fact that this guy’s

television was turned on full

blast and it freaked

out his neighbors because he was really a kind of a

quiet guy and he was an

older guy didn’t

understand why

television was

blasting like that well

television really loud is one of the ways they hide the

sounds of torture

so they found this guy’s house

and there was a yellow police tape in his

kitchen and they pulled up

floorboards and

they roped off a chair

so the idea is that

it was very possible they

might have tortured this guy before they killed him

they might have tortured him in his own house

and then they killed him and then took him to a dump

damn yeah it’s you know it’s

interesting when a guy has that sort of a background

you know so you know and like i said i’m

not saying by the conspiracy theory i’m saying you know

first of all it’s creepy that this guy got

fucking tortured and murdered

or at least the very

least murdered the tortured part of speculation at this

point but it’s an interesting little thing

i don’t know if it has anything to do with all these

yeah that seems like it’s just

you could pretty much connect anyone from that

story to that

story if you really had

you know typed without

not yeah we’re

just guesswork

yeah sure yeah

i mean basically we’re just making

pieces of fiction we

only know if he’s connected to it

but the idea is

oh dude that was what i want to talk to you

about in abu dhabi this year they made it rain

52 times did you know that

they made it rain

cloud seeding

yeah silver eye

like a strip club they’ve been doing they’ve been doing

cloud seating since

they probably made it rain there more

than 52 times

they’ve been doing

cloud seating for many many years

yeah but this is something that they’ve come public

about in that

abu dhabi is better at

using they’re

using as a weekly strategy

they’re like i

mean 52 times that’s like once a week man that’s crazy

if they choose to

space it out like that why they want to make it

greener they’re very ambitious yeah

how crazy is that

where they getting the drawing

their water from it

wasn’t there

before them

apparently there’s moisture in the air and especially

where they live they’re near a lot of ocean yeah

and there’s moisture in the air and you have to coax

it out but i mean what are the repercussions

what are the repercussions of that i mean what is

i mean how safe is it to be

spraying shit in the

air well they’ve been doing it for many years i mean

they’ve always done

cloud seeding i don’t know how effective

it is and i don’t know how good they’ve gotten at it

i know that that’s been around for

since at least the 70s

i think they’re getting better at it yeah

this abu dhabi

thing was fascinating

because i’ve

never heard it discussed on like cnn com

or you know any major

in major news website but that’s what they

were talking

about abu dhabi is very is is

is i guess from what i’ve read

becoming really ambitious

they really want to become sort of the new arab

that center for the new arab

world you know this sort of

the beacon of

light if you will for

a different way of doing

things yeah they got

crazy paper dude

they got crazy paper

they got crazy

paper but living like that man making

artificial fucking rain showers holy shit that’s crazy

you know it just you always wonder

is that gonna affect something somewhere else

is forcing it to

rain somewhere else forcing like a fucking hurricane to

to grow over here on the

other side i mean

isn’t the sky all somehow or another connected

is the environment

connecting so i don’t

think that no i don’t think that

localized you know rain seeding and

cloud seeding is

over how big of an area it’s also

difficult to do

well but that’s the

thing i don’t

think it’s a

i don’t think you can do it over a large area

it’s hard to do i think so

if they figure out how to do

it all the time and obviously they have they’ve done it

52 times that’s pretty consistent

if they just decide to do that that

would be such a trip

if all of a

sudden we went over to

to abu dhabi

it was like west palm

beach florida

i think that’s

where it’s in a way

we’re headed we’re headed we are

becoming more

and more in control of our environment or at

least trying to be but then

again we’re also losing

some control of it if you

buy into the

whole global

warming you know that’s the

story of the

anunnaki that’s the

story from the

sumerian text

reason why human beings were invented

the zechariah

sitch and craziness you know

about all this

the story was that these

alien beings from another planet

came to earth because they had ruined their

atmosphere with

their technological race and so

they ruined

their atmosphere and they needed gold particles

to suspend in

their atmosphere to protect

them from radiation in the sun and shit like that

that’s pretty

well yeah and that they had done exactly what we’re

about to do

right now hmm

and the it’s the most

ridiculous thing ever

it’s called the

twelfth planet

and he wrote it back in 1970 but what’s fascinating is

the idea of suspending particles in the

atmosphere that had

never been discussed

until like the year 2000

and they had like a global symposium on

protecting the

earth from environmental hazards like

losing the ozone

layer losing

our atmosphere

and that was one of the

suggestions for suspend

reflective particles in the

atmosphere that’s pretty wild yeah you

could do that you could

fill the sky

with silver

and gold particles well gold

the crazy thing

about gold is

that tiny little

piece of gold

can spread out so far gold dust is so fine

it’s incredible we’re moving the

other issues

that you’re actually they just created bacteria strains

from a computer in

other words they

cross pollinated

dna and created

life forms bacteria forms that had

never existed on earth

it’s called

synthetic biology this guy

craig venter and his team if you go to

ted com you can see his

lecture and when

they for the

first time on a printer

they print it out

essentially the

structure for a

completely new life form

and that has far reaching


in the sense that

for the first time

human beings

might very well be able to control

their own evolution

and certainly create

new life form dude

that’s gonna be such a fucking mess

it’s gonna create

rover berserkers in

russia it comes with

great promise but also peril

i’m investing in fire

yeah no shit you can’t get me with your

paper monster what the fuck you’re doing you’re

gonna make new life forms with your computer

how nuts is that fuck things are getting weird

it’s getting i think it’s gonna get i

think it’s gonna get to a point where we won’t

really be able to figure out like

you know like i was thinking i’m reading this

you guys if you ever

just take three

months and do it

or two months i’m reading

blood meridian cormac mccarthy’s


it’s considered by when they reviewed it in

85 they said this is one of the

great feats of language in the past 50 years

it’s the and it’s

about novel

yeah it’s a novel and it’s

about the sort of the

settling of the west and it follows this track this

group of 19 or so

men who are hunting indians hunting

scouts it’s a brutal book what’s it called

again it’s called

blood meridian

blood meridian

and you know we

all know what happened a lot of people may not but what

happened to the native americans and it’s the same old

story of one

group comes in with guns and

they basically decimate

you know not just with disease but with bullets and

everything else but

god i forgot what i was

gonna say but it was about

oh yeah what i was

gonna say is that

and if you look at what happened as they

started settling the west

is that the

the europeans

were killing

not just all the buffalo they were killing all the

other animals as well they got really efficient

at it because as they lay the railroad they

would shoot buffalo

and of course and then they

would lace the

bodies with

strychnine now why

would you do that because all the

other animals

would feed on the buffalo and they would die

of the strychnine

so then you

could skin them and send all

those pelts to europe and to the east

and to the east

coast and stuff

where there was big money

so in a course of 20 years probably

500 million animals died

look at old

paintings and

pictures of the

great plains in america

they looked like the serengeti

and in the course of 20 years

literally we killed all the buffalo and so many

other animals not just the

wolves that fed on the buffalo

after we killed them but

everything else

and so what happened for

a lot of the native americans was

their entire mythology

entire mythology

religions were

wrapped up with

their environment and the animals around them

and in 20 years they were all gone

forget the fact that they were starved

to death but

they’re very they’re very mythology

their very religion

what the cornerstone of

their culture

was eradicated

and you really wonder

you know what psychologically they were

going through as they saw

this true holocaust sort of unfold for them you know

and it’s a stupid when you

think about how

short of a time period that is

right and i always

think are we

gonna come up with a certain kind of

technology that does the same to us

that’s the question i mean

nothing says that our

culture and our way of life and our even lives

are guaranteed by anything

i mean if you’re very religious you believe it is

but for people who tend to have more of a

scientific bent

or have a take a real look at history

it’s very possible that you know

there are threats out there

eventually maybe of our own

design that

could render us extinct or

maybe of our own design yeah

the idea is that life keeps

going in a direction of more

complexity yeah

things getting more and more complicated and the issue

with the indians was

you’re dealing with okay american indians native

americans were dealing with people that were so fucking

crazy they were willing to get in boats

and go across the

ocean and across the

country a better

place to live

oh yeah you know and then just

trekk out on their own

to the middle of the fucking country this

giant continent that was literally

filled with

people that were living like

the rest of the

world they were living

much much much more

modern i mean american indians

before we had introduced

or the spaniards

rather had introduced

horses to them

i mean they were like nomadic

tepee living

arrow shooting

motherfuckers you know i mean

it was really crazy like

they were living just like the people that they find

today in the amazon rainforest they’re

still finding people like that today

they found a

bunch of new tribes

there’s like

i can’t remember the number

but they have this fascinating photo

of one that they

found that’s near the peru

and brazil border

and their skin

is covered with

ink they’re

covered with red ink

and two of them are red and one of them looks like a

black color

and they’re just

covered with like this

crazy war paint

and they’re

holding bows

and they’re pointing

arrows at the airplanes as the airplanes take

pictures of them

these are undiscovered

untouched tribes that are

completely isolated from the rest of the

world that’s wild

so that’s really what american indians

were like native americans were like and unfortunately

whatever the fuck

humanity is

doing here on this planet what we’re trying to do is

more better faster bigger what the fuck

are you get out of my way more better faster bigger

how about a fucking

metal box that rolls on

metal train

tracks and it goes

300 fucking

miles an hour and cuts across the

whole country i mean

we just more better faster more better faster

living in teepees is just getting in the way

what are you talking

about sacred ground

sacred ground

sacred ground like this is

money okay we

gotta kill you we

gotta kill these people we

gotta kill them we

gotta kill them we

gotta kill them they’re not reasonable

it’s the same old

story history is

full of that stuff

the history is full of one

group that comes into another

group and says you guys are in the way man you

gotta either

leave or die

yeah it’s absolutely

wrong i mean

no one is justifying it it’s

absolutely heinous

it’s absolutely disgusting

objectively stepping away from the

whole idea of emotions and

humanity and people in genocide and all that stuff

if you look at it as like you know in

a direction

that humanity is well

the point is

that the unimaginable can happen to people yeah

and it happens to

huge groups of people

whether it’s

the russian the ukrainians in the 1930s

under stalin

or the jews

under hitler

and you know in the

later 30s and up to 45

the unimaginable

the unspeakable

can happen to millions of people

millions of

people can perish and appear to make

the argument

people will

make the argument but that was then and now at the

age of information that’s not possible

look at the i record we’ve not

changed that much

human beings

the one difference i will say

about history thank god

is that it becomes harder for bad men to get away with

things for a long period of time because

there are a lot of people watching

and that’s a very good thing

you know you’re always

going to have if you have an incentive

structure that gives

there are always people in society

who are willing to do what

others won’t do

and those people always

flourish in

chaos they always

flourish in war

when russia fell

apart that’s right

it’s the people that are willing to do what

others won’t do that always rise to the top

in a situation

where there’s no rule of law etc

that’s the enemy

that’s not good

that’s not good

that’s why you have to

fight for representative government you have to

fight for all the

things the founding fathers talked

about because it keeps bad men in check

and so whenever you

start blaming


it’s like kind of blaming the way of the world

we’re always gonna have

you’re always

gonna have bad people

you want a system that keeps them somewhat neutered

that’s very important

and people that want to be separate

people don’t

understand the the

logic of countries and man it’s all

stupid man it’s all stupid

i want to show you a

video and the

video is it’s the hodge on the mosque i know all

about the hodge and

the hodge on mecca

and watching all

those people

mill around that post and go listen if it’s just

you and your

scantly connected

group of friends

and you have some sort of a conflict with a

group that’s as connected as

these motherfuckers

you know they’re willing to do a lot of crazy

shit well you’re

not willing to die but there’s something

quite beautiful

about the hive it’s amazing

and the hodge is beautiful because

the notion is you wear two sheets

and whether you’re a prince or a pauper

you’re in the same

group you wear two sheets when you go on your

pilgrimage to mecca and

every muslim has to do it once in

their life at

least you go and

you fast from sun up to sun down

and usually if you’re

strict i don’t even

think you’re allowed to

drink water

but the notion is we’re all

equal under the eyes of god

so it’s a very


movement so when they make

their pilgrimage to mecca

they wear two sheets and they

are so you can be

right next to somebody who’s

worth a billion dollars and you have nothing

but under the eyes of god when you’re there

you guys are

all the same you’re all eating the same food you’re all

behaving the same way

and it was this

notion that muhammad came up with this notion that look

you always have to go and

basically we

there’s got to be somewhat of a communal

a communal pilgrimage

a humbling pilgrimage

to show each

other that we’re

all the same yeah it’s kind of a unified

movement very important and ritualistic

things like absolutely

absolutely what

is that box supposed to represent that big square

building that i believe is

where muhammad was buried

muhammad i believe was born in medina

and he died in mecca

and medina and mecca and

i’m sorry if you’re

muslim and i’m getting them mixed

switched around but

medina and mecca are the most

they are the most

religious places in

islam they’re the

truly the most religious

places in islam when you pray

you pray toward mecca

so when you go to

hotels or things in

in the arab

world muslim

world a lot of times they have arrows

pointing to mecca

is there a monocratic iphone app

there may very well be i’m

surprised there

was has to be there has to be if there is tweet

yeah if there’s not out there developers

you know what the fuck to do you need to make a

mecha iphone app i need to know

i’ll pay my respects to its mecca

so he was buried there

yes that’s incredible so he’s

under that box somewhere his remain

i believe that’s the stone

he was i believe and i just read about this and i’m

sorry that i don’t know it but i believe

that the stone

was where muhammad received

a message from sort of an angel

about the quran

because remember that the

muslims always believed that there was one person that

spoke through god and that was

muhammad and their

proof was that he was an illiterate shepherd

who over the course of seven years wrote the sunna

wrote wrote

essentially the quran

the quran being

essentially a bunch of poems it’s written in verse

and it’s quite beautiful it’s quite

it’s very very intricate and with

these incredible and stories and stuff

and they said how could one man

write all this in seven years he was inspired he

never learned how to write read or

write but he was obviously had some kind of a

revelation or an inspiration

and so that was what that was

where muhammad

really made his

name and not only did he do that but muhammad

also was the guy who said look

this is a bunch of

tribes a bunch of pagan

tribes i’m gonna unite

the people of saudi arabia

i’m gonna unite these people

these nomads i’m

gonna stop them from

fighting each

other and i’m gonna create one

group of people

under one banner of heaven

and that was the notion

it’s amazing

how fucking radical they are to the gotten to the

point where you can’t even draw

muhammad or you it’s a shame

it’s a shame

because historically

islam was actually

always a religion that was so open to interpretation

and in fact look look look at indonesia indonesia for

until very recently and even

still was always

it’s been a

muslim country for many many many years

and has always been a very very open

and tolerant society remember

that the jews

who were persecuted and killed by the christians

always went to

muslim countries first

muslims were the ones that actually

protected the jews because they were people of the book

the quran upholds

every story in the old testament

it believes that the old testament to be gospel

it’s more of

a rebuttal to the new testament with the notion that

jesus christ

that it considers to be a

great prophet

the notion that christians say that

jesus christ is actually god is

where they take

issue and that was

where the big rift was

but remember that

islam was always a place

for the most

part islamic

countries like the

ottoman empire

was a place

where the jews took refuge and

so that’s why this

rift between jews and

muslims over

the founding of the

state of israel in 1948 that’s

where all of this came from

and that’s what’s so unfortunate

about all of

well at one

point in time

the the the

muslim religion or

muslim people were

responsible for an incredible amount of inventions to

absolutely well look at

the scientifically adventure

you’re talking

about the ottoman empire for god’s

it wasn’t what it is

today and what happened that that that fucked

everything up and

got it to the

point where it is

today where there’s so much

you know it’s like so many

things degrade

and get to a

point where it’s

not what you know i would

argue i would

argue that and

i’m not a political scientist and i don’t know anything

i’m just a goddamn actor but i did live there for

eight years of my life and i

would argue that

the middle east’s biggest problem is not

i think i believe that islamic


was came out of the

fact that the 22 governments in the middle east are not


that they’ve always been monarchies and


and those monarchies and


kept people in poverty

when you keep people in poverty

and you have a

bunch of men that

have no jobs and nothing to make themselves feel good

about themselves

they’re gonna turn to something man

and they’re

gonna turn to something like a religion

because it makes them and

men do this kind of

thing they’d say

again we have historical evidence for that

where people say

look there are christian

fundamentalists there are jewish


they’re all over the place

but somehow

along the way

this became a perverted notion of

islam where

i’m gonna solve my problems with violence i’m

gonna blow myself up and i’m

gonna go to heaven

this is all very new man

and religious

fundamentalism is fairly new

it’s a 20th century invention i’ve

heard a lot

of people and i don’t know if this is accurate but i’ve

heard it from more than one source

where people were connecting the mujahideen

and their fight

against the soviet union and

their work with the cia creating

a bunch of different new

things that happened in the

muslim religion

like suicide bombers

the suicide bombers

were actually notion of

jihad not really because suicide bombers would

they were the

first suicide bombers we were reading

about were the tamil

tigers actually in sri lanka

that’s what who those were

that was in the 90s the

early 90s i mean the tamil

tigers were the ones that

were actually blowing themselves up and nobody ever

heard of that we couldn’t believe it

you didn’t you’d

never heard of any

mother so no one

blew themselves up

absolutely not

absolutely not

and what are they

were the sri lanka guys

are they muslims what are they

the tommil tigers i believe a lot of them are

hindu in fact and not

they’re not

hindus with

first suicide violence yeah

so they were not

they were not

muslims had

such a true self

1990 yeah in the 90s and the tommill

tigers were a fierce

group of people

they’ve been

crushed but they

they were trying they were trying to

fight for their own independence

their own notion of you know what they wanted but

so so a lot of the

stuff if you

look at the inspiration behind it it’s it’s pretty

bizarre you know

groups watch

other groups and

and you know so you

learn what’s the

crazy badass

yeah and you know listen i mean suicide bombing is not

in vietnam i mean you had people who would

a lot of like women

would take hand grenade and jump into a helicopter and

blow themselves up and everybody in the helicopter so

that’s just a human

thing i mean did they really just do

that yes so

there were a lot of cases of that

a lot of kid the

viet cong were a

tough group of people

who were willing to do whatever it took to get the

whole idea being

occupied like that must be so crazy

it is you know

you’re just a normal person living your life in a hut

somewhere and

chilling and

having a good time then all of a

sudden there’s soldiers coming in on metal

boxes for some reason that you don’t

understand they’re

pointing guns at you and

screaming at you

especially like afghanistan i mean

the mujahideen was

a good example because

that they were

basically when the soviets came in

first of all afghanistan’s

never been a country you

gotta understand it’s always

been a group of

tribes you had the puhn

you had the pashtuns

you have the tajiks

you have the hazara

and they all have always competed

against each

other i mean

where did you live when you were there i

lived in saudi arabia in lebanon

in the arab world

but you know did

you live in afghanistan

no no but my

mother had been there

twice and my father had been there

twice okay i thought i’m

sorry i thought you were saying you

lived enough

no i’ve been i’ve got to stop you live

you know you did always do

yeah but that doesn’t mean it now when you’re living in

these these

country how many countries

did you live i was born in the philippines

i then moved to

india where i lived in bombay and calcutta

which is now mumbai bombay

and and then i moved to

lebanon and then i moved to pakistan

and then i moved back

to lebanon i would be so in love with you i know

how do you think i get

so much how do you think i get laid

i thought you were married

oh sorry yeah and

i forgot about that part but then i moved to

lebanon again and the war broke out we got

stuck in the war and i lived in the holiday inn for six

months holy shit

but we really couldn’t get out of the country

oh my god and i used to hear a machine gun and it was

crazy no were you

worried about the holiday inn getting overtaken i

was too young to worry about that stuff you know

gosh i was i think 11 or 12 holy shit and then

we were evacuated to greece

and i lived in greece and then i went to saudi arabia

and then by the time i was 14

i’d never lived in the

states and i came to the states that’s incredible

yeah it was pretty wild

and so you get a very different perspective growing up

and no shit huh yeah and the world and the world

and what happens to the world

makes a difference to you you know

like this pakistani governor

you know in pakistan

there’s called the blasphemy law

and the law is if you insult islam

you will be put to death

now when you say insult islam

there are a lot of ways to interpret

that and people use it manipulated to get rid of

their neighbors and things like that and this

governor of the punjab

which is an area of a

large area of pakistan

basically said

i’m sorry if it’s punjab i thought that was

india but anyway but

he was a big governor and he said

he was trying to get rid of it he was trying to repeal

it he was trying to

he was a champion of

women’s rights and things like that and

sort of a face of the more

modern notion of

not only islam but of pakistan

and he was assassinated

one of his elite

guards filled

him with 23 bullets is this recent yeah really recent

yeah very recent i just thought to myself i thought man

this stuff is

not dead we

still are in living in a

world of ignorance

and of people who are willing to

solve problems through violence how

about this crazy

motherfucker in

north korea man how

about that dude

kim jong il

he’s the biggest a hole in the history of the

world ever he wins biggest asshole of all time

he’s just a dick

the crazy thing

about the koreans is that

north korea and

south korea are at war with each

other basically

and they look exactly the same it’s

crazy shit it’s so bizarre to

did you know you’re talking

about it that’s a monarchy

yes north korea that’s a for real

they yawned

while two million

other people

starved to death in the 90s they just the

elite was like

pass the salt

it’s amazing there’s just

no power to revolt and there’s a massive amount of

patriotism it’s not just

patriotism it’s a religion

i mean the north koreans believe that the dear leader

is a deity man

i mean they’ve done a good job of getting that

isn’t that the same in thailand

don’t they have a no

thailand is actually amazing yes thailand’s king has a

he has sort

of he says semi deity

but what’s really amazing

about thailand

is that they’ve

never been colonized

right and it’s

because they’ve always been really good at

compromising they’ve always kind of been really good at

figuring out a way to kind of just be the

place where you come for a little r and r

fuck war man

that’s in laos and cambodia and vietnam us we’ll just

align ourselves with the us because it’s easier

and you know you can come over and have a good

time and we got pretty girls and they’re just a really

sweet people

man it’s amazing

to have such a badass

fighting style

they have you know most people believe the best

stand up fighting

style in the

world muay thai

maybe man they’re just there

for a group of people that are so fucking nice to you

and so welcoming

and it’s such a safe

place man you walk around you

never worry you

know you just

drive around and you’re like

there’s no crime you

never worry

about it there’s just a lot of really

pretty girls that you can you

know date if you want but you know if you’re into the

but i’m an actor

guys so just so

you know i was always doing my

scenes did you

practice muay thai

while you were there yes i did

one thing i wanted to do is go to

phuket and there’s a

tiger muay thai

thing and do

like i just don’t know if it’s safe enough to

bring my whole family down there

you know i just like i hear it is

i know a lot of

westminers who live down there who love it why risk it

yeah it just seems like a

trippy risk i just want to do it so i could try

everything’s a risk and i

think it’d be amazing for your kids to see a different

part of the

world yeah murder and shit

six flags is

pretty sweet

see some wild

monkeys i think the

us is way way more dangerous in some ways in a lot of

countries yeah

you know sure it’s

and stuff like

that someone

tried to tell me that about

i was talking

about going to mexico

like they were

going to mexico on cabo san

lucas or one of

those places

and i was like

yeah but i mean fuck man don’t you worry

about oh porto

i was like you don’t worry

about like all the violence that’s

going on in mexico

they go well

you know there’s violence in america too you know

go to detroit you probably won’t get caught up in it

i’m like yeah okay

maybe but i know

where detroit is

and also those drug cartels from what

i hear are actually

starting to

target tourists like areas

they’re starting to

target tourist areas because

they’re trying to get resorts to pay them off

because they extort

money from a

bunch of different ways

one of the things they

do is kidnap people that are trying to get to america

and then they go back to

they killed a lot of people from guatemala

and el salvador

yeah 72 men

and these people

were just people that were trying to migrate to america

well they asked for

money i guess

no and they

asked for a lot of

money and they said we’re

gonna kill them

and they do it all the time and

apparently some people

pay and some

people don’t and the people that pay they get that

money and they let the people free

but they kill a

bunch of fucking people man it’s really really

scary so bad

and you see the

videos of these

twelve year old kids that

they’ve hired for assassins and they you know they’ve

completely fucked

these kids had really yeah

and some of them were

american kids they’ve hired the drug cartels have hired

and one of them

got arrested recently and you know the cell

phone video footage of him torturing people

and it got onto the internet it’s it’s horrendous

stuff and they tortured people before they killed them

you know and this 12 year old kid

yeah and you know i mean they so

evil they’re taking violence to a

whole new level

if you look at like what’s

going on in the

world and all this you

know the idea

that we’re over in afghanistan so that we don’t have to

fight it over here

how about what is

right connected to us how

about some shit you can

drive to that’s right okay

cause mexico you can fucking drive to

and that puny ass fucking wall

that’s really not

gonna stop anybody from coming it raises

a bigger question is

would you legalize drugs and

doesn’t that make

sense the only

problem is it’s gotten to a certain

point where i

think you have to

squash the problem before you legalize drugs

because the cartels are so fucking big

it doesn’t seem

like it’s working

it doesn’t seem like they’re not doing it

it’s a war it’s got to be a war

the drug cartels are gigantic now man

i mean look what do i know i’m talking on my ass but

the whole situation came

about for sure

because the drugs aren’t

legal the problem with it being a war

is that the drug cartels are very much in sync with the

power structure

with the government itself

sure it’s all and

the economy

itself apparently

is a lot of

the economy itself is propped up by the drug trade so

so if that’s the case then

how do you delegitimize

how do you figure out

a way to make it work do you legalize they’re talking

about legalizing drugs in mexico itself

they have to


everything in mexico

lsd mushrooms

oh yeah i mean you’re not supposed

to sell it but if you have it you don’t go to jail

as long as there’s a demand

and the risk of

peddling that demand is that high you’re

gonna have people who are badass


willing to do whatever it takes to get that money

scary i mean

we should have learned

about that in this country with prohibition

the 1920s i know you know we’re

lucky that marijuana has the calming

effect that it has

because if it you know if it wasn’t

you know that the

whole stoner

culture and everything

behind it if that’s why

that’s why i’ve always been

i’ve just marveled at the fact that you make alcohol

legal and weed

illegals it’s like goes back to that reefer madness

ignorance like

you know you’re

out of your fucking mind well it’s also an

issue of it’s been illegal for so long

if they come out and say there’s no reason for it

to have ever been illegal now

and you open up a

whole can of worms you

just brought up

you just brought up the biggest and best argument

for any for a

smaller government whenever you pass a law

and i’m not saying some laws don’t

need to be passed but you got to remember one thing

you pass any kind of law

any kind of


say what you want

about the obama

health care

thing i don’t know enough

about it i’m not

going to make a

stand on it

but just know

that when you have a huge government program

and you pass laws around that program what happens is

a cottage industry grows up around that law

and a lot of people develop an interest

in economic interest

in that and

keeping that law active that’s why whenever you

start a government program whenever you

start giving

money to somebody or whatever it

might be it

doesn’t go away

and the democrats themselves said pass just something

because it’ll

never go away and you’ll be able to add to it

and that is it’s not

about being

right or left

you better keep that in mind because

george washington himself said

men will invent

laws to take

their own freedom away from themselves

that’s how people are

you know you want to make the

world a really fucking safe

place you want to legislate

everything i

don’t want to live in a country like that fuck you

i want to take my own personal responsibility for

things absolutely

you know and the real problem with these

government you

know when government grows is that it very rarely

shrinks it doesn’t shrink

it’s expansive it’s ever expansive in its coercive

it does two

things it takes

taxes and it passes laws do you need that yes

the question is what is what

it’s about proportion

how much is too much

that’s the question

this country

was founded

on the notion that government is a necessary evil

it doesn’t mean

you don’t have it but stop telling me that government

and equalizing the playing

field and socially

engineering equality is what makes this country

great no it’s fucking not

i create so much resentment

and whenever you have

social engineering and

you do it for you know like

i think that

affirmative action is a wonderful idea i

think the idea that you know you want to balance

everything out and give

black people a chance to

but whenever you have it set up for

guys testing

for the fire department or something like that

where a black candidate

doesn’t have to

score as high as a

white candidate it’s the

worst thing

that is the

worst thing for any

black person or anybody else

it is assuming and suggesting to a

black person that they can’t compete mentally

what does that do to someone’s

self esteem what does that do to someone’s self worth

that is the most

is the most insulting that’s the most racist

thing i can

think of in fact

well it’s ridiculous

did black people need us to

lower the playing

field when it came to

sports and music

look what they

did with jazz look what they’ve done with sports

jazz is the highest american art form

expression it’s primarily a

black expression

did blacks need government programs for that no they’re

just as capable i think what

they find out

and they believe they do believe that’s an

issue that they

should have

as much as close to an

equal number of people representative

as they do in society if it’s 10

it’s close to as they can

but not look for it when it’s not the argument

is equality of opportunity

you know we know that

what people

who are in the affirmative action camp and i

understand it they’re saying look

we’re looking for we’re

trying to create an

equal opportunity

for people and i

understand that and you do

it is an uneven playing

field it is

but the question is what do you do

about it and you better be

very careful

when government

comes in with solutions very carefully i

think the best solution if possible is to go in

real early go in and have programs for

kids that are developing in single family households

or single parent households

where they’re not getting any attention and they’re not

getting any love they’re not getting any guidance and

their mom has to work they’re doing that in

harlem and it’s

apparently been

very successful god that

would be the

there was a

guy in harlem who said

we’ve got to get

these kids before they even get to kindergarten

that’s the move

and he did and he created a program that followed them

from kindergarten all the way through college and

it’s called a harlem

renaissance project that’s brilliant

and it’s been amazing apparently

that’s really what it takes i mean

you start with someone when they’re 20 man my god

because if you

don’t do that and you have

for example let’s just take the black

issue if you have a disproportionate number of

black men in jail for example

the problem with that is people

think it’s not

their problem you’re wasting a huge segment of your

population you’re not tapping into incredible

incredible potential

that you could be

and so the question becomes

what you’re

right i think you have to get it when

a boy is 14 he’s already lost in some ways

i mean it’s very hard it’s very hard to kind

of figure out how to deal with that damage martial arts

is the best way

yeah whatever

music or whatever discipline

but the thing

about martial arts is you have to

overcome you overcome

great scary

things over and over and over again

and in doing that it develops character and

builds character and you almost

want to make

up for the fact that you know you were fucked

up when you got into this you want to show a big gap

well you know

josh talk josh

waitskin who is the

chess prodigy

he has a school

he does he has a

school where he

teaches children

math no i’m

sorry music

chess and martial arts

and and and

and what he does through

those three

school well

through those

three through

those three venues he

he does he’s not

teaching you even

that the martial arts

music in a chess is secondary

most importantly is your

learning how to learn

and he always says that he

wrote a book

about that yeah it’s a

great book he

wrote i recommend everybody called the art of

learning he’s

trained with

my friend nathan

and my friend nathan got me in contact with him

and we’ve exchanged

emails back and forth

and i wanna

he’s a great

guy to meet

him and train with him

when i’m in

new york i want to get him on the podcast too if i

can i met him

i met him in

new york i had

lunch with him and the people don’t know

he’s the guy

who came up with i mean it

would rather excuse me

the movie searching for

bobby fisher was

based on his life him as a

child chess prodigy

and he went from that to

going into kung fu

he became a

two time two

time two time

push hands kung

fu chamber which is

heavy stuff they do it throws and

and he was the

first westerner in

china to win it

twice two times in a row and now he’s

going to for the

mondials i guess yeah he’s

a fiend with

jiu jitsu now he

trains with

marcella garcia and he

he developed this website called

mg in action

mginaction com mg being

marcella garcia i believe

that’s the url

check it marcia garcia

or marcella

garcia in action if you want to look at it if you’re a

jiu jitsu fan and

what the website is is he’s broken down

jiu jitsu moves

just and study them the way he

would do chess because

chess is so disciplined

just so we’re talking about the

trumpet i mean

chess players

practice constantly

and they go over moves and they go over

strategies and

they have maps out in

their head well what

this guy’s done is put all that same discipline to

jiu jitsu and so he has marcel

garcia’s entire repertoire

of techniques and

all sorts of different sweeps and

arm bars and all

these different

things and in

chains and how they go and he

has like this website we can just sign up and you can

learn i mean

basically like you and your friends

you know if you wanted to you

could sign up for it get an internet

connection get a laptop

and have like a mat in your living room

and you and your

buddy could

learn jiu jitsu from

this website that’s really cool

man it’s fucking amazing man

yeah i mean it’s amazing and

for people that

studied jujutsu it’s fascinating

too because

he’ll go over the finer nuances of

a technique like fuck that’s what i’ve been doing wrong

because a lot of jujutsu is

leverage and it’s not

most of it’s not

about strength it’s

about being in the proper position and much

smaller people can

defeat much larger people because of the technique

but it’s like little

subtle things that technique sometimes you miss

and so these

videos are like

real masters like

marcella garcia this is like a

marcella garcia i

asked josh i was like what’s

it like to roll with them do you ever get them you ever

catch them and he’s like

no i never get him no he’s on another level man

he moves so fast

is that what it is he’s so good

he’s so sharp

you know so sharp

you can’t have any room for error

so with a lot of

jiu jitsu it’s like how much room for

error are you

gonna give me

are you gonna

leave openings for

underhooks are you

gonna slip to your back are you

going to let me

sweep you are you

gonna give up

cause you don’t

wanna fight anymore

and go to your back and try to get me in your guard

it’s like there’s like a little battle

going on like

how much do you have left in the tank

well when you get to a

level like marcella garcia

instead of all that nonsense in your

brain it’s this

super tuned

killing machine that moves so fast you can’t even

literally he’s not even

thinking about his movements he’s

drilled them to the

point where they’re so pinpoint and precise

he has the idea of getting to your

back and then before you know it his hooks are in well

he’s got his

arm across your neck it’s happened in military

josh waits can cause that

chunking where

he’s seen so much that he can

start thinking in

chunks like

he can think in

systems and you’re

thinking move to move and he’s

thinking in a

system like he’s

thinking in

literally like six move chunks

and he’s also

watching you and can

already predict what you’re gonna do

and because

he’s been doing it so long he gets into your mind

so he’s watching you

like do these clunky

here i come

i’m gonna do this and he goes

i’ve seen that i’ve seen that a thousand times and i’m

gonna do this but i’m already

gonna do this

after that and so

so advanced it’s like josh says when he would play

chess with guys who

weren’t as advanced

as he he’s seeing the

whole board

and the reason he’s seeing six or

seven moves

ahead of time is because he’s able to

chunk he’s chunking

he’s seeing

things in in

i don’t know i

guess that’s what he called it he just called it like

five move six move

blocks of time that’s one of the things about eddie’s

style or the way eddie teaches

eddie teaches instead of just

teaching a move

teaches a whole

chain of moves

like he’ll teach a certain pass

to get to a

certain position and then to there and then always to

a finish wow but it’s like four five moves in advance

and sometimes there’s there’s alternate

endings or alternate

branches yeah like what happens if you lose this arm

now you got

to go to this and then you know so in your mind

when you’re

rolling and you get to certain specific areas

you have this already

map he’s already

mapped it out for you

it’s like the way he

teaches wow

yeah i think it’s a really

smart way to do it too

i do that with my

love making

love making

don’t love making tell me more

you hear that echo

dude you’re channeling craig shoemaker

is that what i’m doing be careful

the love master oh really

yeah old school

speaking of stand up i’ve

been here for three hours

we’ve been we’ve been talking for

three hours and i got that long

we didn’t start

going to like 3 30

but it might have been our best podcast ever

thank you to all the people that are listening

thank you very much we really

appreciate it we appreciate

all the kind words on twitter

and all that good shit and

you know we love doing it and i’m glad you guys

enjoy it and it’s

a you know i’m getting in contact with a fascinating

group of human beings through twitter

through the message

board through facebook yeah there’s a few douchebags

slipped through the cracks

but for the most

part there’s a lot of really interesting people and

you know i said that

about what are you playing in the

background crazy

what is that that’s fuck

background noise

it sounds terrible

stop that shit

the bangles walk like an

egyptian is it yeah

stop it brian just stop it

cut it loose

brian anyway

thank you everybody we

appreciate it all very much

and we enjoy doing it and

you know i’m a very

lucky person

i’m very lucky to have people like

brian cowan in my life because you know

it makes life

very interesting to have interesting friends

and i know that there’s a lot of people out there

that you don’t have a lot of cool people to talk to

and i appreciate

everything you get down the podcast

resonates with me

brian callum my friend

thank you very much for coming

thanks for having

me always an

honor always an

honor to be with you my friend you’re the best man

you are my favorite

guest of all time

thank you sir

sorry everybody else

thanks to the flashlight

go to joerogane net and

click the link

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off your masturbation

okay it’s a discount

and you’ll blow

giant loads inside this rubber

vagina you’ll love it did you ever use yours still

haven’t used it man

still haven’t

used it no lies

have you masturbated since then

no you have

never no no no

you saved your

seed i’m a christian

save your seed yeah

and what’s the most times you’ve ever

how many days have you ever

saved your seed i used to do it a lot i used to

when i was doing taekwondo i was like that’s what my

table teacher told me that that’s you know

so i’d like to try to do it but i was like 21

i’d just be like

fucking two hours fucking

that’s my weakest

muscle ever the holding the load back muscle

that’s my weakest muscle so

hard it’s so hard still

still i wanna fuckin

i still wake up with a heart on every morning

they say you’re supposed to go tantrut

to squeeze it you never tighten

up that inner area

keep your tights

not that inner area

keep your tattoo i’m blowing

heavy loads and i’m screaming filthy

filthy when i do it

and on that note

ladies and gentlemen

thank you february 4th mandalay bay theater me

ari shafir joey diaz

the show of the year we’re fucking fired up for it

some tickets are

still available they’re going quick so

get in on it we’re really

excited about it i’ve never

been to this theater but it’s big and it’s awesome

and it’s the day before the ufc

which is february

fifth so there’s

gonna be a lot of

freaks in town

it’s gonna be

crazy i predict a lot of

skull t shirts

a lot of fucking flaming foil

brian redband follow him on twitter

ladies and gentlemen

he’s trying to get over 21 000 what do you have

right now dude

10 000 10 000

ladies and gentlemen we can

we can get him over 21

and brian count on

on twitter it’s brian with a why because it’s it’s just

you know just it’s interesting it’s right i’m gonna

start i’m gonna start being on twitter more

you are you do tweeted all yeah now tweet

tweet like like your act

you tweet like you do on

stage i just tweet like whatever

right if i come up with something

funny i’ll tweet it

that’s it there’s nothing

about me that’s interesting i’m not

gonna say anything that’s

what are you talking

about man you’re one of my most interesting friends

well thank you don’t be

doubting yourself brother all right

so when can anybody see you next

stan i’m starting a new tv show called

death valley on mtv

and it’s a shot like casp we kill werewolves

vampires and zombies in the valley and i play the

chief of police who’s a complete retard

and a complete pervert and it’s a really fun part

it’s called

death valley and it

could be really

funny really

it’s a comedy yeah and

there was cute

it’s comedy

but totally gory and really violent really

yeah it’s really

funny how do the werewolves look do they

look cool amazing man the pilot

looked amazing they picked

12 episodes on mtv

i have i’ll send you i’ll give you my that

sounds awesome that’s

right up my

alley yeah dude it’s

gonna be really cool you play a

crazy sheriff i play that yeah

chief of police he’s an idiot

he’s always has a hand squeezer

wears really tight

shirts he’s a fucking

loser so you’re

happy with it yeah i look like a muscular don

knotts it’s so sad

it’s a good time man it’s a good time and so

it starts on

mtv when when does it

start airing

it starts well we

start shooting

january 31st i’m not sure what the air date is

get a couple on the can and

start airing okay but you shot a

pilot already yeah you’ll show me that yeah

it was for you bitches

yeah it was really i got the inside

scoop funny and

silly and you

know see what

all right we’ll be back

next week we’re trying to get bill burr and bill burr

we might comb we

might yeah we

still have his comb

yeah he’s one of my favorite comedians too

inspirational very very

funny guy and just a cool dude

yep and he’s

he’s in town this week we’re

gonna try to get him in we

might do another one this week

might do another one friday maybe so

other than that

thank you very much everybody

that’s it just mad love to all my bitches hello

and see you guys soon

soon eventually we’re not

going anywhere

we’re gonna keep this shit rolling

we’re gonna keep this shit rolling bitches

oh shit how many

did we have on

right now well people

watching right now there’s

twelve hundred people

hello my friends

that’s usually what we get live and then

afterwards like

it’s always a

twenty thirty thousand or something like that

and then itunes a lot more than that though itunes is

where most of people listen to

it really i’m

still talking

to you people like you’re not there i love

it but you are there and i love you goodbye bye bye

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