The Joe Rogan Experience #80 - Joey Diaz, Ari Shaffir

we love you long time

the first time you heard that jam

you almost lost you fucking damn

how did Eazy E die of aging out those guys

the Joe Rogan Experience



kicking it live

damn these mics are hot as fuck

kicking it live from the Rogan compound with my man Ari

Shafir Ari motherfucker

shafir is in the house ladies and gentlemen A R S H A

F F I R Follow him on Twitter

Joe Diaz Mad Flavor

aka Planet Rock aka Joey Karate

he’s here as well

Brian Rikkel

Brian Redband redbam

whose song is it

what’s going on now

it’s background

music did you make that song Brian no it’s my laptop

yeah we did

we used to put in between

garageband and guitars yeah we haven’t been playing

music I’m trying to clean it up for satellite radio

which may or may not ever happen

hopefully it will looks like it’s happening

whatever bitches um

much respect to the flashlight

our sponsor before we even get

started before we get groovy with you bitches

if you go to Joe Rogan net

what’s that

buddy there is in the corner just that’s one of them

they’re all over the place this one over here too

this house is littered

the Mrs Rogan comes in there the

other day and

looks at all of them she goes is there enough of these

is what she looks at them she goes these

that’s how she looks at them like

this is like

her competition that she has to accept

like little

things that live in her

house that I fuck

this house is full

of baby dolls and male dildos yeah what’s up

that’s filled with

child’s toys and dick toys

big fat box of dick toys

if you go to Joe Rogan dot net

click the link

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type in the word Rogan get 15% off

so I’m looking

out for you bitches you know I’m saying I’m

trying to get you some discounts on your masturbation

holla at me Joe Diaz

you say you

gotta do what you gotta do

if you can save 10 points

and whack off at the same time who’s better than you

haha we had a good goddamn time last weekend in

Vegas holy shit was that fun yeah

woo that was a good fucking time

these guys dropped acid they were up in the

they were up for the stands

watching with big fucking

smiles in the face I don’t know when I

found out that they dropped acid

did I find out

dinner I tweeted you during the UFC

yeah but I don’t get tweets

I mean I mean

text texted me you texted me yeah so that’s how I

found out I was

yeah no it was like the last half hour

right you look you look I

never waved at us

okay then I must have

known you know we’re sitting in the drawer

Ari came over one day we’re talking

about something awesome I go it’s

gonna be great this weekend

and as I’m talking to him I open up a

joint I go Ari look

and there were

7 hits of acid

if we drop the acid

he’s like oh I don’t know and I go

every time somebody

you know gets hit we’ll feel it yeah

so then we were like well what do you think

about Red Band and well

we don’t know

maybe we’re saying

we should fucking do some

yeah maybe we gotta put on some popcorn just

take them for the ride

and then we

said nah because I know it’s hard to have 911 fuck it

that’s my little brother

acid’s a little different you don’t want to dose

somebody with acid no

I’ve made a decision just not

to do it anymore in my life because I’ve gotten to a

point where my

brain I just want to keep my

brain a little bit together

now put it together

stay safe stay safe

about this stuff

this stuff is very mild

that was I’m sure

that was kid

stuff that was

kiddies yeah well if you took 2 hits and you were

still being able to sit there then it had to be she

very mild very mild

it came in spurts and

burst it was very nice

the lights fucked with you

what’s his name

voice fucked with you from time to time

buffer buffer

he really vibrated

is vibrated you

and that video before the

UFC starts oh

that was powerful

there was a part

where Ari looked

over and goes this is the most beautiful

thing I’ve ever seen

the best was

you do a good job

on that thing

what was it

the UFC video when it first

starts was like

they sent it to the who

american teenage hero

teenage wait wait

bob o’reilly’s

in the song yeah

and yeah they set all the beat like all the

punches to the you know

drum hits yeah

you realize how brilliant

something is sometimes when you’re high what is it

about that why

do you why do you have to get high to to realize that

I don’t know it seems

silly when you’re sitting there and you’re straight

at a UFC and it

starts it was

like a zooph

and all that shit

you feel it yeah

we did the acid it was a different fucking

level we felt

everything isn’t that

funny how like

you go to movies

and if you go to the

movies and you’re on acid or on pot or in anything

see bad acting yeah

like that’s why we

watch Domino

that night huh

that’s why we sat there and

watch Domino with fucking

Mickey Rourke and

Tara Nightling

and it was interesting yeah

it was interesting it was from a different

angle you’re

watching acting you

so I’m sorry I

interrupted you so what were you saying you were saying

you guys are

there you’re on acid and then the Bob o’reilly

starts playing

which is if you’ve

never seen it

never been to a live

UFC it’s really brilliant whoever edited it

it’s like some of the highlights of some of the

greatest fights ever

and it’s all put together to the who

it’s fucking it’s one of the

greatest videos

humans have ever seen it’s a perfect volume

to rip you apart like

you can hear it but it

doesn’t really bother you

Dana and I go with it

Dana and I were

watching that the

other day and I go dude I

think I’ve seen this a fucking

thousand times and I

still like I

never yeah I

never stopped

watching it

love it if you’re there live 10 minutes before the

UFC actually

starts you have to be in your seat

it’s so good

to like whoever did it you can tell that guy loves

fights like he just he nailed it

the perfect

beats to the perfect fucking

punches and kicks and

gets you pumped up

definitely man

dude I’m telling you it

never wears out I’ve seen it

hundreds of times

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it

I’ve seen it I mean

every UFC start I’ve done at

least a hundred

Ufcs and you’re there you’re not yeah gone

getting food when that’s happening yeah because between

spikes between

spike nights and regular Ufcs I

think I’ve done over a hundred so been over a thousand

fights well here’s the best when you’re there

and you’re tripping

like I said

when you there as a civilian

and listen it just goes from Bob o’reilly

and it locks down

and also you get

also you just see a

picture and this is Silver saying

when I go in that

thing tonight

I’m gonna knock his fucking

mouth off that’s a

right now yes think

about it on the ass

now his head just came out

and I think it was vito’s

and it was just a fucking head

I thought it was fucking

Marlon Brando

is Superman

then when he got

yes when he had the fucking heads around them it was

you’re going down to New York City cocksucker

and they were judging them and it was just heads

well that’s the brilliance about it

that at one point in the UFC as a civilian

it just gets very dark

it was just a perfect timing

also you see a head pop on go tonight

I’m gonna take them pound them submission you’re

yeah you just go nuts and they keep showing

little tidbits you know then they showed a vet or

then they went to John Jones then they went to

Jake Ellensburg it was just

so well done every time I show a new item

production crowd explode yeah

and it’s and when you watch another

sporting event now it’s so

below that par I went to a Lake A game

last year against Dick

against Wade wade’s team the Heat

Miami yeah it was a fucking great game

but there was a lot of lows in it

there’s a lot of lows at the

UFC when Bruce Buffer says

Do what you got to do

go for 22 fucking minutes I like you have a blast

I like you go get a hot dog

right we are you go get fucking thing

we are now go go now hurry up before the fucking game

starts that’s huge that they tell you

yeah that’s courtesy

and what that is

folks for the folks that don’t

know sometimes we have a certain amount of prelim cards

but then the the main card

starts at say like

you know 7 p m

and if the main card

starts at 7 p m

we have to have if the prelims are all done

sometimes we got 20 minutes for the

fights are supposed to

start so we don’t

start fights

early we have to wait

until pay per view

starts yeah

sometimes you get like 5/1 round

knockouts in the early

fights yeah and they’re just like

yeah and then

yeah we run out

quick and it was

weird because this

particular UFC

started off I

think with Gabe Ruecker

and whoever he fought

and Paul Taylor

and Paul he

got beat up fast

and then Kingsley came out

against Romero

and hit him with violent

Gladiator fucking

these to the body

like fucking Bam

to feel the thrust

and again as a

civilian you can feel the fucking kidney strikes

I can’t have the acid I was I’ve been

defining myself like this and also I looked around

and I just myself

what’s going on

check yourself before you

wreck yourself plus

cause you’re watching

Kingsbury even when you’re not high that dude’s a

specimen oh my God specimen

shredded he’s got like a fucking

solid 12 pack

he’s got a 12 pack on his back

he’s one of

those dudes like you look at his back there’s all these

crazy striations in there he was a

super athlete

yeah those fucking

football players

man they’re on another

level to another

level of athleticism

and Kingsbury

smash that dude

he’s one of

those guys every time you see him it’s like he’s been

training for 3 years

you know he makes

these leaps in a couple of

months and I look

like yeah all those

super athletes man the John Jones

stunt dudes

those guys they make these

giant leaps you

know there’s some dudes that just get so good so quick

you know when you

watch like John

Jones the first

fight that he had

you know or even the

fight with Stephan

Bonner yeah he looked

promising you know

but Bonner made it to the distance you know

I mean he beat Bonner up and

everything like that and did some wild stuff

but you know

people like wow this kid’s wild he’s unorthodox

but then you see him now and you go fuck man this kid

is on another level

dude another the way he handled Branned

Vera and you

know I mean his last

fight was just proved it Brian

bader’s a fucking stud and he just manhandled that kid

he was on top of them

every time there

was an exchange he was on top controlling the position

he was never remotely threatened and

squeezing yeah that kid’s a

beast man Ryan

Bader is a fucking gorilla

dude you just

stand next to that guy he’s one of the biggest

205ers out there

and the fact that John

Jones was able to handle him like that

there was like 1/2

second where there was like a scrum like he

tried to flip

and didn’t get him all the way over and then

John Jones got out of that and it was done

yeah and John

Jones has 2 brothers

and both of them are fucking football player bad


yeah he’s like his

whole family’s got like

super jeans

you know I was

standing there that

night he had 2 brothers that are bigger than I

guess he’s the he has a baby brother whatever

in the 1975

NBA playoffs one of

those years

Daryl Dawkins

member Daryl Dawkins he was 6ft he used to

smash the backboards

right you know he was 6'11

290 I remember

that into a bra with Maurice Lucas

and also they showed

his family coming down from the

stands and he had 2 brothers and a

sister bigger than him

oh my God they

were from fucking Florida you know you

with those motherfuckers oh my God they were just

throwing security at Portland

they’re all nice

white people up there in Portland

these 4 fucking fucking people were just rolling them

just wow huge

6ft 11 that

would love this

price was smashing

fiberglass yeah

yeah unheard of remember

you know I’m saying hang on them just crush them

they were glass

weren’t they were they were

breaking fucking

reinforced yeah

that guy was

fresh out of the jungles of fuck what the

hell what did they do back then

what when the

glass breaks do they stop the game

stop the game

they just roll it out they roll another one get

the fuck out yeah

fine yeah you got fine how much did you get fined

I don’t know maybe 10

grand this time that’s so worth it

that’s how we Know

About you’re a highlight film

but luckily they don’t all do that that

would be so douchey

if they all did it

what type of douchey

was way you can do it by

accident game you

go back we just come up like Shaq

would just smash through it he

wouldn’t be able

to this time you can really try to

break it to shack

smack him occasionally

yeah but not on purpose

he just fucking

it’s fine what’s

so hard down

I’m looking into it okay

he hasn’t done in a

while though when his

first couple

years me dude

I met him a couple of times when I

first met him with the

UFC and I met him

he did an episode of Fear Factor with me

and he did the

countdown you know like shit 3 2

one go you know

standing next to me dude it looked like

it didn’t even

look like I mean look like we were 2 totally different

things you met him in Boston we ran

into him at the

hotel oh yeah that’s true

he’s giant he’s

so big man he’s so big it’s

ridiculous I feel like I like a little child

you know well this dude Daryl Dawkins

played for the Sixes and he got traded to the Nets

and when he

moved to New Jersey got hooked on fucking powder

did he really the

kid that would sell him the powder

was the sneaker kid

he was the ball kid on the Nets at that time

and this kid ran a

tremendous scam

because the players on contract

they take after

every game they put on new

sneakers and they

throw them away

really this kid

would take every

sneaker and take it into the city and sell it

but one of his

jobs as a ball boy was to get Daryl Dawkins powder

that was it

Brian whatever you did

and we all met and I remember one

night he took us at Daryl Dawkins house

Daryl Dawkins

showed me a fucking Rolls Royce

with a 14 motherfucking carrot

dash boy know what

a gold dashboard

that is so financially responsible you have no

fucking idea in those days

his wife died

later on he came back before a couple years there

I went over to his house like 3 times he

lived in the City

Caucus New Jersey

big pimping

with the motherfucking 14 carat

dashboard shit wow

that’s ridiculous

that is ridiculous though you gotta love it though

what is it about

black people and

shiny things I don’t they don’t give a fuck

don’t live in a tent to have a fucking Rolls Royce

with a 14 as

much as a star

as much as rock stars like to

rock it and like to look badass they don’t go that deep

they don’t go diamonds I

heard a theory on that

it’s that black people rappers and

stuff they’re just doing what they thought

about was rich when they were little

so it’s always them holding like a bowl of like

sugar cereal

and cars and hot

booty women

yeah but it’s like oh no this looks like rich stuff

for she was got a

urinal installed in his

house nothing

wrong with that that’s probably a good move

especially one of

those splashless

splash is there

no say in there save

water they have

like a little disc little UFO you piss on

somehow another go somewhere

you don’t have to

just rinse your

water yeah that’s like the the latest eco thing

but it’s been

rejected by

plumbers plumbers don’t like it because it cuts

back on the maintenance so they try to say unsanitary

but in actuality the

other ones are more unsanitary

how weird is that yeah

there’s been studies Joe Diaz

studies on piss

let’s talk about urine

let me tell you something when I was a kid in the first

house I moved into

North Bergen

a nice big one

we had a fucking bidet

really you really yeah that’s banging

shit wow that was about

hand 9 or 10

I used to go over there take a shit in my

mother’s bathroom turn the

bandana hit you in the fucking face you know I’m saying

yeah but then you put your little

muffler on that bidet

you get that little hot

water going that was the

first time I have that that little

cranky a little

muffler but then you

blasted hard

your asshole spotless you can feel it shiny

I was about 10

that’s what my asshole used to shine

I use my bidet

for carrying magazines

you don’t use it though you

never wash you have one

yeah I would use that shit

every day so much

better than wetting toilet

paper and getting

seems so bizarre I am so seems un American Dixie

into the French

what am I doing here

thick they got supporting my own

what am I doing here

what a roll of goddamn toilet

papers not enough for you Rogan

yeah I feel like I’m not supporting my own not only

some French bullshit

but day is nice right

yeah washer

a lot of a commitment

when you wipe your butt it’s like so

slow yeah I know it’s

still stinky and

gross but I don’t mind

wiping my butt

how much of a committee

that had some

fucking soap in that

motherfucker I use baby wipes have

you ever been

about my butt

what have you ever been

about the fuck and realize my ass

stinks right

ladies and gentlemen the power went out

so the last half of this podcast is

audio only just from the power of the MP3 recorder

we were apparently talking

about shit too dangerous for the government

so they shut my whole motherfucking block down

you know what man it’s just

a reality of living life as a rebel

what that’s what it is the government

every now and then will come down and shut you down

and that’s what they’ve done

about that rebelling or some drunk driver hit a

power line or

somebody you know was fucking their washing machine

exploded anything could happen but the point is

powers out feels like Egypt up in here yeah

no Internet up in here we ain’t got no Internet

it’s pretty it’s pretty weird actually

but we’re gonna keep going

don’t don’t give up hope Joe Diaz

Joey Diaz is falling asleep get up Joe Diaz

get up cocksucker

speaking of fucking on a washing machine did you hear

about that Chelsea

Handler tape no yeah

what happens it was a sex tape that we heard

about a long time ago

yeah she talked about it in the air

which is hilarious she goes they offered her $1,000,000

if she gave them $1,000,000 they

would give her the tape back

and she said I’m not worth it

which is hilarious I like that

she good for her so the tape got released

yeah but it had already been released to like

comedy clubs by Chelsea have you seen it though

no I never saw yeah she like gave it out

right like it was like

comedy comedy comedy fucking

bitch go crazy yeah

let’s watch it crazy I mean let’s draw it is

he said he asked in Montreal

I’m not good

at this some club

owner talking

was like I got this tape once and it was

crazy it was

this comedian and then they were just having sex

the manager’s like who was it and the guy’s

like I won’t tell you he goes can I have one guess

yeah one guess of

every female comedian

ever yeah fine I’ll tell you if you get that he goes

Chelsea Handler he goes

you son of a

bitch how did you know that

just cause she’s so

freaky send it out

she’s crazy I love it

it’s hilarious

it’s hilarious they’re trying to blackmail

her with it what a

weird society we have now where

everybody just wants to go run and tell

everybody wants to run and tell

you know and everybody wants to hear

about it to everybody wants to listen

like all these

chicks that fuck Charlie Sheen

not one of those hookers was down

now one of them can keep her fucking

mouth shut all of them ran to TMZ

like right away

all of them

they showed up in a suitcase full of blow

yeah they tell us

why they act

like victims

they win bunch of

crime stopping

these bitches yeah

crime stopping bitches you know in the old days

you give them

2 000 they shut

their fucking

mouth they’d take it in the ass like a soldier

nobody you know what I’m saying

they take a load to the face don’t it’s all Merta

this little dumb blonde was on there saying

that some guy showed up with a suitcase and a blow

and Charlie Shea was fucking

that’s how you get

people arrested stupid

what are you doing

doesn’t Charlie your friend I will

never invite that

bitch to a party

I will never

bitch around me ever again ever

but bro that’s what you get when you hang out with

those fucking filthy hookers then

you get what you reap

what you sow you know what I’m saying

well it’s a

weird society too

where any one of

those girls if she plays her cards

right can become famous

you know they have like a

brief window like all

those girls that fucked

Tiger Woods

that one girl

the one girl that was on Celebrity Rehab

Rachel who should

tell who should

tag he fucking

he always fuck the name of it a

weird way are

you Dick Swanson

you could tell you

should tell whatever it was whatever her name was

the woman got on a goddamn

television show for fucking a guy

I mean she literally did she’s on Celebrity Rehab

well once you get on one of

those shows all you have to do is

start going to red carpet

things make yourself be

photographed and seen and you become a little celebrity

Monica Lewinsky fucked up

she just wanted a

clothing line

yeah well she’s also just a mess too

I mean whatever

that’s just the

worst situation

ever it’s not

just fucking a guy you suck the president’s dick

okay if you fuck

Tiger Woods and you’re that

famous if you fucked the president

or sucked his dick or lives to get

a cigar and

your pussy oh

super famous yeah the

part of what she was

famous for is the fact that she was ugly and fat oh

yeah sad that’s

right it was sad

you know her looking face yeah I mean and

it was just

weird nobody

could believe that he really did it

you know we’d

never had a fucking

freak president like that before

I mean Kennedy was a freak

but Kennedy was like a

freak with a tie on

you know he wasn’t

whipping his

dick out in meetings he probably was yes he was me

there’s just no fucking face

I think he was

smarter now the way he handled himself I

think he was

smarter than that

Clinton has a long

standing reputation

for pulling his dick out

he got barely in the

road though

just pull it

out the president

got the the Poly

Shore moves

yeah got in the

green room if you’re at the back there with Poly

Shore expect his dick out but JFK

never know right

JFK got the hottest

chick possible

in Hollywood he got the fucking Megan Fox

but that’s warm

but I think at that

point in time

JFK was like he was a way smoother

you know I mean he was like

way more like socially conscious everyone knew about

that’s a weird

sort of everyone knew but no one talked

about Birthday Miss

he couldn’t prove it

back then nobody talked and you couldn’t

prove shit he was bad to the bone

how he did it when you go to michele’s in Hollywood

and when you eat downstairs

if you look up you go to the men’s

bathroom up there is a little cave in there that’s

where he used to take it

really up this little cave

right there

where you lock

the doors like a VIP

give everybody fucking 500

you just sign

no way you sign nothing just looking in the eye

cause nobody knows

about this you

understand you

wanna go up there

that’s it back then you

could do that if you were

a star you could go

places and they

would have girls waiting for you I’m

sure Jack Nicholson

there’s a reason why

those guys can never be

married they’re like what are you talking

about I can make

one phone call

right now and they give

me the fucking password to the back room and I’m in

I don’t even know that girl’s name

yeah we just fucked and

these girls just come in on buses from Kansas

just waiting

to fuck movie stars

you know and that’s probably what they did fuck Kennedy

fucked all of them

nobody could say anything and even if they did nobody

would believe you anyway

I mean look

they got away with

shooting Kennedy

get away with fucking war

you know what I mean

they fucking got away

with killing him man you know they blamed it on one guy

and then the

one guy gets shot conveniently by a mobster

who we were recently talking to that

said that they were working on some kind of

thing that had

something to do with the Kennedy assassination

and he was like

the one thing that

I now believe in different is that single bullet theory

there’s more

to it remember we were just talking to somebody

about that yeah

I don’t remember who it was he was talking

about how the

angles they misrepresented the

angles and the angles of

going in and coming out of the body are possible

that’s all well and good but it’s

completely unscientific

the way they came up with this theory

the way they come up with this theory is

cause they had to account for

3 bullets right

and 3 bullets had to have done all that damage

but then a guy

under the underpass got hit with a ricochet

and they had a hole in the curb

stone where it hit

and then he

got hit with it and he had to go to the hospital

and he was fine he lived

but because of the fact that he got hit with this

ricochet they knew that there was another bullet

so that bullet

definitely didn’t hit

there was 3 shots

and there’s all

these wounds so how do you account for all

these wounds

well you say there’s more than one person

shooting you dumb fuck

you don’t try to make one bullet do all this

wacky shit when a

bunch of people have said that they

heard bullets

and heard gunshots

from several

different locations including over and over again the

grassy knoll

and then when you find out all

these people that witnessed it

all these people died in like

weird fucking accidents and fucking

car accidents and fires and parking

their car and

train tracks and shit like that

like the amount of people that

died that were witness to the Kennedy assassinations

fucking crazy

it’s like really

weird and then you look at how this Jack Ruby guy

runs in and

shoots Lee Harvey Oswald

while the cops are handing them there

I mean the whole

thing was preposterous

it looks so set up and so fake

and the to blame this one guy

and to say that he did it

this one bullet a single bullet is so

silly because

if you look at that bullet it’s barely dented

that bullet

had to go through bone and to people’s bodies

and if you’ve ever shot a bullet into something man you

could hit a

phone book with a bullet it gets fucked up

it compresses it looks

jagged wasn’t there pieces

found though yes more

pieces were

found in connolly’s body

then we’re missing from this bullet

right it’s preposterous so all this fucking single

bullet theory

why don’t they just go has there anyone to say what

about that though nobody

would there has been yeah

you know people will

just fucking Ra

it’s called

there’s this

what is it called

confirmation bias is what it’s called

is when you have an idea in your

head and you know I’ve been accused of it many times

it’s a fascinating

thing where you have an idea in your head you

want that idea to be correct and so you only look at

information that confirms that that

that you talked

about that because the philosophers they

would have that idea

and they would say okay

here’s why it’s true

yeah we’re not sure but they

wouldn’t have

I don’t know what’s true let’s just look at the facts

right it’s very

tricky man it’s very

tricky when you get into people’s

beliefs and what you believe and what you don’t believe

there’s a lot

of people that don’t want to believe certain

things and then

the Kennedy assassination is one of them

the idea that

the government actually killed the sitting president

that freaks people out too much are you making

phone calls

mother what’s the

other side though

what’s the other side of them

what’s the other side though

what are they saying by the side

they believe that he

you know even though he wasn’t

known as a good shot and even though he you know

the whole thing is really no for the

single bullet

alone like what did they say

about the other pieces

found in it not matching up I don’t know I haven’t even

heard the who’s the day at this point they probably

dispute the evidence there’s a

bunch of different people man there’s 2 camps oh

there’s like is there someone in charge to like

release this

information like no one’s hiding this information or

who are they asking for well there are

there are definitely hidden papers

yeah but those

papers are set

to be released to like 2025 or something fucking

there’s no one

in charge of that there’s no they’re not like they’re

gonna get someone to admit it

no it’s true and at this

point in time it gets it gets to the

point where is anybody that was you know

live then yeah

4 years ago 50 years ago

our inspector

still alive though

he was part of the Warren

Commission report the people that were on the Warren

Commission report see the reason why I got into this

is the very conspiracy that got me into conspiracies

I read a book called Best Evidence by

David Lipton

and I was in Philadelphia and I was working Andy scar

patty’s Comedy Cabarets

and you know

these fucking

gigs you’d go on the road and you do a Friday and

Saturday and Saturday morning you have nothing to do

and I was by myself I

didn’t know the

other comics I didn’t hang out with them

so I got a book and

a buddy of mine

gave me this book and I read it and I fucking

freaked out

I freaked out to the

point where I wasn’t

funny that night

I didn’t have a good set

you know I had to come back

strong on Sunday I had to put the book down

and on Sunday I

wouldn’t read the book I

wouldn’t read

it all day and I just like went to the gym or something

because I knew I

would get bummed out because I had a bad set Saturday

night because this book

it’s a fucking creepy book man

this guy David Lipton was an accountant

and he went deep into

the Kennedy assassinations he went deep into the Warren

commission’s report

and he read

every volume

and nobody ever

expected anybody to do that

and he was an accountant so he was like very meticulous

about details

and he noticed

all these inconsistencies and all

these irregularities and all

these times

where contradicted itself it’s over and over

again it’s like this is a nonsense report

and he started

looking deep into the Kennedy

assassination because of that and then he

found so many different things

he just it’s a long ass fucking

thing to get into

but the bottom line is

I don’t know

what the fuck happened that’s the reality I don’t know

maybe Lee Harvey Oswald did act

alone but I know a lot of people want to

think that he did and I don’t know why they want to

think that you know what I mean

I don’t know and you don’t know either

but you want to believe you’re

absolutely 100

right to the actor

alone there’s a lot

of employees and employee families at the BP company

yeah the ones that killed Kennedy

they would if they could

people like BP if you don’t

think that in the midst of this gigantic oil

spill if there was one guy that knew something that

could get them fucked

if there was one guy

that was gonna go public and knew something and he was

gonna cost them billions and billions of dollars

what do you think they would do to that guy


Joey ate a pop cookie

and he hit the

vaporizer when the

power went out so did Joey

he needed the electricity in the air

you stopped bro

weird it’s a fucking guy

you’re so high

you’re so high you don’t even know what talking

about BP isn’t

I’m talking

about do you think that what I mean

you know when you look at a

giant corporation like that don’t you assume that they

would do something to try to protect themselves

when they’re assuming that budget

they assume that shit’s gonna happen they just roll

right over it

their job primarily to corporation is to get

what they could

every day even with fines

that’s not what I’m saying I’m saying do you think oh

do you think that they

would kill somebody that had some information

oh fuck yeah fuck yeah yeah of course

make their life

listen corporate

world is worse than any

world you’ve seen before

because it’s the real country

side of life well we talked

about it on this podcast it’s a fucking very creepy

story but it does

bring again just because this subject

Monsanto that

food corporation that’s always suing farmers

the ones that make the genetically modified food

it’s believed that they bought

black water

the mercenary

group yeah yeah

they bought it through some

3rd party company

they can’t confirm or deny but they know that they were

looking at it and they were looking and talks to and

Blackwater was purchased and so

there’s a lot of people that believe that

Blackwater a

mercenary group

was purchased

by the most ruthless corporation in the world

like they have

their own army

wrap your head around that

wrap your head around that because what

black water does in

other countries

I mean when you hear about

the shit that they did the

mercenaries did in Iraq I mean

it’s like there’s no rules

it’s like the

first episode of The Cape

yeah it’s like they can get away

with shit too and they can’t get arrested for things

when they come but

they’re not subject

to our rules

it’s very weird but not subject to

their rules either

no rules nobody’s rules we

bring them back

and they don’t get in

trouble we don’t prosecute them for anything

I mean I’m sure some of you getting

started getting in

trouble the

whole business is insane you know

when I was a kid and you know you hear about like

the Vietnam War like

you know people talk

about how much

money is involved in the Vietnam War

you don’t really realize what they’re talking about

until you see it like with Haliburton

and when you see it like with

mercenaries all this

you see like how much

money you can make

building plans it’s incredible

it’s incredible how much

money there is in that you

think black

water does like

brings out like comedians out there

to just irritate the

troops yeah because that

would be way

better guys

I bet they probably just go with horse

yeah no I am I

heard about this

story about Guy Richie

did you hear about Guy Richie

what did he do guy richie’s

house they fucking squatted his house man

guy ritchie’s house is like he got a £6,000,000

house so I think that’s like 12 million dollars

right on there it’s

yeah it’s pretty crazy

and he has this giant London mansion and

these guys moved into it

and they put signs out hanging from his windows

so it says strike Resist Occupy

and this is a giant mansion

in the middle of London who are they just bums

they’re just fucking kids

so what’s the strike resistance

squatters are weird things man squatters

are right you have to yeah they have certain rights

I don’t get it

do they have rights in America or just

really yeah we’ll take that there because

they’re like possessionists not tensile laws

until we figure out in a court

who’s supposed to be here we can’t kick out

like if I just came to your

front door and said that’s my

house get him out of here like they

wouldn’t do that they’d like well he’s here right now

right so if you want to sue him to get him out of here

right go through the process of the courts

so that’s what these people are trying I don’t know I

think in England

I think in England it’s even more complicated

yeah in England

I mean like if you’re not actually living in the house

I think you

might be fucked

they might be able to just

gank your shit just get it there’s no

what happens

do they just get your shit

it’s pretty

weird man a neighbor who did not want to be

named described the situation as


Jake you think so

these people have these

multi multi million dollar

houses if it’s a neighbor if his

house is worth 12 million

she’s got to be in that neighborhood

you guys are

paying that much

money for a fucking

house and then some kids just move in and

throw the batteries

out your windows

that’s pretty

scary you just gangsta

your fucking

house you can’t come back

oh they’re calling it a

school oh this is creepy

school is doing

it they pretend no they’re saying it’s a free school

they’re opening up his

house as a school

can he go oh my God

I need to read this here this is

fucking fascinating that a big sign

they call themselves the Really Free School

they had been

occupying a nearby address

until Sunday

they invaded Mr richie’s property

near london’s West End

which he has

never lived in but has recently had

renovated so he’s just balling he’s just got

houses all over the

place is he

married to Madonna

still yeah he got rid of that

bitch oh you

bitch get the fuck out

here 1966 oh

yes but nothing

what are you gonna do

about the fucking electric situation here in

about an hour it’s gonna

start getting

dark and you up here with the lines of the fucking

about that shit Mr Howard Burton

of course I am fuck you

gonna do you better do something something get dark

you better call the

fucking in down the corner to see how much a room for

20 fucking people

they will come away

yeah you say

you’re scaring me I’m just hitting you with some

about those are

reality here

before you get involved in true

enough like a Puerto Rican we’re talking

about guy Richie

Brown we gotta figure something out here though

isn’t it funny when you do

bring up anytime you bring up any sort of

conspiracy theories it all automatically goes into that

I just tune out

yeah I’m just like I don’t even care

even me describing it I’m like

bored with it

it’s just it’s like no one knows

no one cares and you know

what sometimes I get

stoned when I

catch myself

thinking of

things as conspiracies yeah

like let’s do even that even that

night at the UFC

when when as soon as I

was gonna fight them

I thought to myself fuck I fucked up

and this is

gonna get beat

and now this is a setup

now they’re

gonna take it to Brazil for anderson’s V

door too that’s what I thought before

you believe

crazy shit like yeah I believe

on the acid you can believe but no no I believe it was

sports because I see it happen

I see the weirdest

fucking thing

happening no it

doesn’t that level

doesn’t happen no but a

part of you

thinks about it

that’s the problem

it might have happened a little bit in

Japan there were some works in

Japan really yeah Coleman

might have been involved in a work

if you guys were in works allegedly

these guys like Takada

takada was a pro

wrestler in

Japan he had a few questionable wins

where people

looked his wins are like this guy just seems like

he’s bullshitting like something feels like acting here

you know he a few few

he got away with

a few of them but that’s it I’ve

never I don’t see any

fights that I

think are fights

where people set

things up no no

no I don’t mean

it like that the US you don’t ever take it

I wasn’t saying

it like that I’m just saying you’re just saying you’re

God no no no

speaking of being high I talk to you about some

this acupunctures for 4 years

right and I really like it

today I went in there she cut me

for me you know she cut me cut when they cut me and

she came back in from the cup and she’s like you know

you were coming here for 4 years

because you were smoking a lot of fucking refill lately

each cup was filled to the fucking brim it

sucked it on my what

spell smoke out whoa no no

like I get these cups you know

so it’s pretty funny like I was sitting for they

leave marks on you yeah can I see a Mark yeah

for like a day just so

you’ll see it’s like a silver dollar size thing

one way over here

back more and stuff

it was pretty funny how

I was sitting there for me

thinking of fire this bitch

it was like

telling me I can’t

smoke so she was

like she’s telling not to no no she goes I think you

smoke a little

bit too much because it filled up the cups like

but filled it up with what fill

up with like the

smoke that’s in your skin

what smoke came

out of your skin

smoke came out of your skin

for a little

while get the fuck out

of here fuck yeah

fuck yeah that’s not the

first time we’ve discussed it

that would be enough

we need to bring in Mythbusters on this

this motherfucker doesn’t believe that

there’s a conspiracy in the Kennedy assassination

I was thinking

about this in 1987

in 1987 I got convicted I got came out on bail

and part of the program you could jump into is

to prove that the court was wrong you’d go volunteer

peeing a bottle flight

35 hours a week

and after like

3 weeks one day the assistant came up to me

let me tell

you something we don’t know what he was smoking

but that motherfucker

that’s why I

used to go to New York and get you all the time we

this is a pure fucking Indica

made by Jamaicans for Jamaicans

and this lady pulled me aside she goes

I’ve been living in Boulder

for like 11 years

your shit was off the fucking charts

and you figure I

haven’t stopped since then

and I’m living in here

living in this town

where at 8 30 in the

morning I can go to a weed shop and the guy says good

morning with a

bagel and a bun

wow and you know

people don’t even realize different it is how open

it is so I think Dr Amy

would you know I love Dr

Amy I wasn’t mad that she just goes Joey

when you know

cause you’ve

been coming here for 4 years

it’s only been like

twice that it’s leaked out of your fucking skin

one time when I went down a

Monday after a long weekend

and today’s doing

area on the podcast

get her take

off oh my God

and I trust

her because

there’s a lot of times I’ve got in there

without me saying

what I’m feeling she’s gone to that spot healed it

I said what’s that needle for she was I

could just feel something coming from your

shoulder or knee or

you’re thinking

too much is this doctor one of your cats no

it’s feet down now

come here come daddy scratch me

well why is

she telling you that you do too much because the

smokes coming out of you

I’m telling

I’m so sold on the

vaporizer now

it’s all I’ve been into lately

it’s pretty good in your

throat that’s a great one

yeah and I don’t feel bad just getting my leg of

it you don’t feel bad you don’t cough

you don’t feel shitty

it’s pure THC with none of the health detractions

like now when I

smoke it I can feel

I’m taking something in my

lungs I shouldn’t be taking in my body I mean it’s fine

it does doesn’t hurt you

but it feels unhealthy well this is what I just read up

about it because I was trying to make sure I got the

right settings for my

vaporizer right

and they were like

certain things combusted a certain

so if you just if you said it’s like a hundred degrees

it won’t get the

T issue out of there right

like I said

whatever they said like 260 and 360

right and so that’s when THC combusts but at

3 like 80 or 400

all the carcinogens combust

and that’s when you’re getting bad shit into your lungs

yeah that makes

sense that makes

sense so it’s

completely free that but you get all the juice

they say there will

still be some that comes out at that lower

level depending on how high you go

but yeah you just get the

stuff you want

out of it yeah that’s the off at all I just blow it out

so fucking you know what there’s a clarity to the high

it’s a different kind of high

especially if you go I went

3 today usually I go to

today I went 3

3 what 3 heads

of that yeah

you get it’s a

clear high even though you’re

super high you’re pretty fucking functional

yeah it’s nice it’s a nice one

yeah I think it’s just way better I

don’t like getting too high and that seems like when we

pass just smoking

those joints it’s like a little

fuck off too

much fuck all

these you know

20 years you were supposed

to join now you follow his fucking thing relax

and you’re another fucking momo with the clarity

that’s fucking Tac

we smoke dope the fuck up the clarity of fucking

fucking fucking Johnny over

shut the fuck up oh yes

dirty fucking this

this is the iPhone the pipes to suck more fucking homo

white gets it to believe this shit

the fuck out of here they got his yelling Jack

look I can Twitter like a motherfucker don’t even

motherfuckers with your iPhones to put it over

you can all suck like dicks motherfucker

don’t be lying on that shit

okay we get

a Twitter can you make calls from up here fuck you

the fuck out of shit he finally not since yeah

Jesus Christ

you better pull the fucking power department

don’t worry about the fucking vaporizer that vaporizing

your life fucking casualty

I got oh no no no no no

that’s why I report the lasted

fell out the front of the fucking

yesterday when I went to my ID

fell out like confetti out of my wallet

me and the fucking ATF department looked at it

what it look like

I’m not have a little piece of acid in my wallet

what is just a square

as I take the airport at the airport a little

piece of paper falls out like confetti on

they know what that was they didn’t fucking know

those fucking momos if they ever fucking took a last

they wouldn’t be checking IDS

loosen the fuck up

tremendous tremendous

just fell down I said I don’t want that

shit it was big as

did it have any graphics on it or is it

a little pink for yeah so

perforations and a think so

will be identical as a drugs

they pick it up

like Mighty Mouse oh my God

right right somebody dropped a piece of paper you know

who gives it nobody’s gonna put that on her tongue

I’ve had enough

that’s hilarious

I’m gonna get some strong stuff it’s hard to get acid

these days I don’t think so they’ve got

a dispensary

you should get a Bible Joe you gotta take

a look of acid

although I bet if you went to a dispensary

you go to the same one all the time

yes they know you

yes I bet if you ask them hey we’re gonna get some acid

I’m not gonna ask them that

would be rude I got a guy but I want to ask them

where to get something illegal

I got a guy in Boulder

but I just didn’t want to buy

30 fucking hits

of liquid fucking ass I’ll make a call like a couple of

those you know

that liquid acid to have around that’s explosive

that’s explosive

because I can hook

10 people up at one of

those UFC will just be

blinking up there

in the Puerto Rican sex and

throwing sidekicks with Jesus

son John Jones got that title fight when you told him

cause I already knew but when you told him

did you know

the day before

that he was gonna get the title if he won

right yeah so I was like I

could see a comment I’m telling you but I

could see a client

let it go who told you he was gonna

I did yeah yeah

don’t tell anybody

but it’s done now but like

but like so I could see what you’re about to tell him

yeah and then he was like

hey we just

heard or shot Evans pulled out you know so we need

could have been

if Ryan Bader won he would have could have been

spectacular but yeah he could have got the title

they needed someone to do it

and Rampage didn’t want to do it because he was

scheduled to fight Tiago Silva and he was heavy

it was like 250

you know I didn’t want to

take 6 weeks and just lose 45

pounds in 6 weeks you know he did that for the Rashad

fight and it fucked him up yeah

you know Rampage almost should be a heavyweight man

I’ll throw this footage up on

your YouTube or something like that I’ve been filming

using this camera

pretty great camera man

Sony sent this to me it’s a Sony bloggy

touch and it’s

pretty inexpensive it’s like the flip cam

but the best part

about it besides the flip cam

is how great the low quality is can you

check that out

like most cameras

would be pretty shitty

right now does it look like that online on YouTube

yeah it looks

great on YouTube

it has the XMR

lens in it which has really good low light

I’m recording with it

right now yeah you record it

and what’s really

great it’s really

good for people that don’t know anything

about internet

are computers and technology

cause it’s set up so nice

where you could just put it on there

set it up and just go alright

Facebook YouTube

it just uploads it to all

these different

places right

when you plug it in oh really yeah and it’s it’s just

super easy to use

they’re gonna have

these new models coming out pretty soon

but I’ve been playing with it for like the last

3 weeks and it was pretty fucking awesome you

ready to report on it

yeah yeah I’m writing a little

what’s really cool dude when you are

focusing on your face it

it makes a square on your face yeah it has face

detection it has face

detection and that adjusts the contrast and also

adjusts the

sharpness something

like that it’s got really good

face detection too

now I wish it did have a light

because some zoom

check out the

digital zoom which

I never recommend fucking with the digital zoom just

watch when you

focus on someone’s face oh yeah it

puts a square on you

yeah how trippy is that

yeah I wish it did have a

flash but the low

light is so good in it that most

situation so we’ll wrap

your head around how

bizarre that is

that you can

point that thing at someone

and all of a

sudden you’re making a

video there pal yeah

you’re the worst cameraman ever

where’s the zoom I’m trying to see the

zoom on the

screen the touchscreen

and you could

forward and back it

but yeah it’s pretty

good it’s pretty inexpensive it comes at different

models they also have like

these really cool attachments

I don’t know if it’s for this one or one coming soon

where you could do a

3D room where

it videotapes like a 360

thing and then

it plays it out in this

weird like panoramic 360

screen it’s

crazy it’s trippy

I talk about the future

no it’s out

right now it’s on sony’s website but I

think that’s just an attachment to

these little bloggy cameras

it’s the fucking future man that’s pretty dope

and eventually that

technology is

gonna make it to your

phone yeah your

phone’s video well

I mean it’s pretty

close right now it’s pretty easy

they actually have been compared to the iPhone

video I know they don’t

no it’s hard to tell

which way you’re

focusing but not in

comparison to the iPhone

video the iPhone does have a

flash which is very key

but the low

light was so good on this that the

picture was way better on most instances

comparing it

even though the iPhone is good

it has this

weird wobble to it

where it’s not really the most

stable video if you really look at the quality

this is way more


that’s the life of the iPhone wow

right now yeah

right now if I

would have the iPhone

right now and the

flash does over contrast

over its face and make everyone look like a zombie

yeah makes you look weird yeah

a little setting for that flash yeah

there’s no battery

you can take out of it though science

but the battery is really good

it lasts about 2

hours of straight video

around there

hmm and that’s that

hey Brian how

about the farts that I was blowing

on the fucking balcony and

how good were

those oh there’s

acid mixed with fucking garlic

yeah good ski

you know what’s

funny is like 10 of

those garlic cloves

speaking of farts a fan in

Vegas came up to me

and was just like

hey Red Band

big fan blah blah and

I brought you a present

and he puts it in my hand it was a pack of

those old glass

fart things that you

throw on the ground

that you crush and

break and it

smells like

stink bombs

what the fuck are you kidding me these

what do you mean what the fuck

exactly the guy I think

would like them

I couldn’t think of

anyone more than

like that than

you you take that

to the comedy

store and throw it at Polly

Shore holy shit

why don’t you keep it next to the fart

spray that you also have right now

oh god oh yeah

I would just

throw it at people

like Pauly Shore

especially like in a contained

place where people

start puking

and the place is so

long you should

let Pauly show it’s

hysterical people

start bar for this shit the best is an elevator

because it’s

crap yeah it’s only

10 people you

gotta smash

Exodus you know I’m saying

you wanna if you’re

gonna throw one of

those things at somebody you wanna

it’s gonna be

like over trade

senate type

shit you know I’m saying

you gotta go for the maximum

bang I can’t remember

the last time I was around some of the tropical

stink bomb yeah it’s great

a couple of times in high

school fucking horrible

yeah it’s pretty bad it is fucking horrible

I wonder if the scientist

who made that stink bomb

thing if he likes the

smell of it like he’s the only one that likes the

smell that’s what I

think about

sometimes is that somebody

went to Michigan


went through school and

studied so that he

could invent

the fucking

stink bottle

or it could have been just an accident

or it could be just a

simple Saudi yeah so there’s a sulfur

mixed with vinegar no

when I was a fucking kid this guy

had these apartment

buildings and wanted to get people out of there

so you could towards the fucking buildings

so we used to go like a Walmart by that sent a

skunk that’s

worse than a fucking dead

sent of skunk you can buy from Walmart like yeah for

like hunting dropped

oh you could oh

they can’t figure it out

you know the

thing about

skunks it’s

they say that the way we

smell skunk

is exactly the same way

dogs can smell us

it is horrible

no not that it’s horrible that we

can see you

see you know a

skunk can get killed like 2

blocks away and you can

smell it like why is that the

mild the worst fart

ever doesn’t

travel that far what the fuck is it

about skunks that really register in your nose

well it’s parts per million it’s

how strong the

scent is in parts per million

skunk is a very very high number

well for a dog

that’s like how they can

smell people

so what’s a

skunk for a dog

wouldn’t it blow

his mind probably freaking

it’s probably so how do they feel and

see it I bet a dog sees it well they

just try to

try to describe

I mean that’s the analogy

so we can wrap our heads around

how a dog could

smell so much better than us

because that’s really the only time that it makes

sense to us

because the

skunk is a weird

thing it’s like it’s so much

stronger than any

other smell

you know it’s one little animal

just a small amount of liquid you

smell on the freeway you

smell it for like a full

minute I love it now it

smells like weed yeah

you better call psng bitch

it’s get dark in the fucking hill do a live

speaker phone update I wonder how far away this is

this is traveling

I will blackout

yeah you’re gonna have to call it fucking

could and you have all

these fucking people that got sick

the at the halfway point

now how many fucking people were there that got 600

7000 70 people got sick of the mansion

no it was between there and another

place the 8 of both places

health off officials

probe reports of mass illness

at a Playboy Mansion event what do you

think happened there

are some bad shitty food

they also said well they also said that the grotto

there might have been some kind

of fungus in

the grotto so if you went into that grotto to have

champagne with John lovett’s that

you might have

got some kind of bacteria infection too maybe

they’re looking it was pneumonia people got pneumonia

oh really yeah

you guys guys I’ve been there

2 or 3 times at a time like this

thing yeah and it’s a fucking man of power

that I am like a feel the fucking A

speed to a Milo

all 3 times I run out of there because I wouldn’t

touch a fucking silver in there

that’s dirty

is filthy fucking people

fucking herpes

and blondes that are confused from Kentucky

that’s a fucking

apocalypse of fucking bacteria that fucking

and sperm and fucking old cunt

James Con came in there

fucking Arabs

mix all that come together with Arab juice

and fucking a couple of yams you got a

bunch of shit dog

can you imagine what’s that’s like and then

can you fucking imagine

I wouldn’t even walk barefoot in there

I’d rather roll in eddie’s fucking gym

than fucking walk around in there how much

would it cost

to lick the comforter of one of the beds inside the

table man you’re

crazy that place is fucking gross dog

that place is

people been

sucking in fucking this is 1960 in a Mexican mops that

place at night

that all that

place is as bad as a fucking peep show in New York City

where people

whack off on the

floor when you’re walking around there

because people have been

whacking off on that disgusting fucking placement

40 45 bucks

it’s amazing this is the

first time that a

bunch of people yeah

because it’s just

it’s just too much mixing it’s like this new super

people are getting staph infections

now that unheard of 10 years ago

you know people

they’re fighting they can’t even the back

they’re antibiotics they’re

applying to people

shit’s not even working

this shit’s getting stronger

so you want to

go out there and eat this foreign ass that you’ve been

and you fucking got

brown shit leaking out of your eyeballs on Tuesday

don’t come coming to me bitch

because I told you so you don’t want to fight

you don’t want

to do none of that shit no more dog it’s a

whole different type of fuck out there Japanese

people walking around with fucking masks and shit

dog it’s filthy out there

let me tell you something

it’s just you might

so listen to what this

thing is this is where it gets real

weird okay it’s a party at the mansion

who was the party for was it some rockstar had a party

was Playboy did Playboy had a party no

700 people from 30

countries attended the Santa Monica Conference

of Internet Businesses so they rent that place yeah

that is not

twice a year that place is the Playboy

700 people for they call it Domain Fest Global

it’s internet businesses

it’s just a

bunch of anime people like we’re at the mansion came

to leave it and they all got sick as fuck

and they were from all over the

place good go back home that’s where every

place meets everybody’s front

adventure very bacteria

those people that wear sandals

everything to me

the dirtiest

skank fuck the filthiest

guy and just came together crazy

that shit grows there

it really becomes like ground 0 and it’s spreads by

28 days later shit

the next spot is that

strip club in Vegas

that’s the next spot people

going there

at 5 in the morning to know people scratching and shit

it’s like the fucking blog

Dustin Hoffman

has to come into your fucking room at the

hotel with a fucking

whole mask on and shit

that’s what’s the

name of that place

the Slippery Cabaret was in

Vegas in Vegas the big one

you’re thinking of the

story that’s how fucking that’s how

that’s how that shit’s gonna spread

the same way it started with a pilot in New York City

but it’s Hefner experimenting with

everlasting life yeah right

he’s on his way out

it’s fucking

nasty did you

hear that they’ve confirmed they believe they’ve

named this new fucking planet

they’ve named a new planet

they’re calling it

Taichi T Y C H E

it’s called Bob

it’s called Pluto

they’re convinced that it’s pretty real now

and it’s 4 times the size of Jupiter

and it’s the furthest one out yeah it’s

the biggest

plant it’s the biggest planet by far same rotation

yeah it’s well they

think it’s sort of like an elliptical

rotation but it’s way out there it’s way out there

15 000 times further from the Sun and the Earth

another fucking planet

Joey is going so

you can only see

when we stepped away when the

power went out and I stepped away to make a phone call

to see what’s going on when

I came back and sat down I looked at him

and he was asleep

that wasn’t asleep that the power going out

was like fucking this is Silver kicking fucking feet on

just you just killed me you gotta just

show on stage with no power oblivion yeah

there’s giant flashlights from the back of them

not my my eye idiot at my chest

this is great Joey question how

much earlier did you eat your pot

cookie than I did because I’m kind of getting nervous

those cookies are too strong

just strong enough

yeah that might be one really strong Listerine

strip I just

now I’m gonna be fucking shit myself on the one on one

2 minutes ago you and Jack her with the vaporizer

that you wrote the fucking

Emperor wears no clothes Joey

you are old school he gets offended if you

use some new device

listen listen

cocksucker I’m all

about joints and bowls yeah

all of a sudden it’s like this new thing

it’s like guys

chee Chen Chan is

alive and kicking and they’ve been smoking for 40 years

leave me alone

leave me the fuck alone I get it I get

it wants to be super weed guy

throw that shit out

throw the high times out I’m old school

I didn’t have but when people I was I didn’t

show your picture I

get the fuck out of my face I’m walking over the bridge

it’s like my mom’s I can learn HTML that’s the

we smoke in the fucking car

nothing like your mom

and we all adjust they done he’s done yeah

who the fuck needs to learn HTML

what’s like

difficult yeah

what’s that should allow

it’s the how you’d construct websites the underlying

you’re not gonna change

it’s super easy it’s so easy it’s so easy

the design a website was trade HTML certain

things you can go through a

thing like how

I do this and it shows you boom boom yeah

for f yes it’s

super easy to

learn it’ll take you like

3 days yeah

I learned it yeah I bet you’ve put together websites

by yourself

from scratch

I used to have to do that whole

time that’s how you do that

class yeah well in that class no

I used to do a pornstar

website when I was like

I don’t know

twenty four

twenty five you

porn stars back in your

24 yeah who you

fuck pussycat Gallery

shit what’s her name I can’t figure

her name was not

Pussycat Gallery

that’s what her website was called

pussycat Gallery she was something cats Michelle cats

she was a Jew

no cats like meow cats

like with a suit

a real name KTZ

katie’s real name

cats that’s a

weird stripper that’s

don’t say that

no but it she used to have a nice butt but

you know that was like

it was crazy

it was crazy she

would always fly out to LA like

every week and I was always like

what why don’t

you just live there but now I get it you know

just go out there

a couple days makes a couple thousand

come back yeah

live in Ohio she was


properly that’s what

she was doing she was making a lot of

videos and now

one video yeah

I checked her on free ones and I think

she’s not doing it anymore yeah

so how’d you meet this broad

I worked at a

movie theater

and it’s her sister

this girl that I know is

sister that work with me

so you were trying to bust a move

no I was just that’s what I used to do for a living

so you were making it for us I was making websites

for a living

I had a website

company back in the day so you

weren’t hanging out with her you just made her website

well yeah I hung out with her too but I didn’t

do anything

for 24 year old

regular kids

she did give me free porn though of hers which was

did you contemplate

like trying to

figure out if you

could hook her

I was her up

yeah I was there

yeah you know what’s

crazy is that I

never thought

about that then

after that whole

thing is I dated a stripper

and you met her

one time we went to a club

and she was working do you remember that

yes yes you had a

girlfriend with you and the girl your ex

girlfriend was a stripper yeah

and she was

stripping when we yeah

yeah well you were like

laughing about it that girl because we talked

about breaking

penises a couple

she has to go

I think she broke my

penis because

we had crazy sex and

there was like a baseball bubble

on the side of my like swollen up

like the size of a baseball on the side of my nose

and we’re not

that as jealous

to her Jack

no and they said that

I went to the doctor

a baseball sized bubble was about

the size of a Jack

glands imploding yeah

he said that I

pinched something or just did something like it’s from

crazy sex and

it was crazy sex

but I thought maybe

maybe I could have

sprained it not

broke my dick but

maybe sprained my dick well if it swole

up it’s probably some

fluid in there yeah it was it

fucking was huge and it

would last like 2 weeks

it was horrible

dude you’ve always had a weird life

even when you’re

young dog that

for breaking

what if we found

you like start choppers of wood things get

the fireplace out it’s fucking hilarious

all right we’re gonna just shut this fucking thing off

Joe GS won’t stop it

he needs to go home and take a nap I get oh no

don’t worry about it

we could talk about we’re gonna start here

if you’re in Los Angeles we’re gonna

start doing it once a week at sal’s Comedy Bowl yeah

and we’re gonna have Wacky Wednesday at sal’s Comedy

Hall starting every Wednesday

3rd is it 23rd sailor

such a retarded New Year yeah it is retarded

that’s why it’s perfect right

what is the fucking you right on


to the ground

you got to know what to walk away from the podcast

so every Wednesday we’re gonna be at

South we call it

wacky Wednesdays most Wednesday

start its most

Wednesday yeah this be some weeks it’s just not

gonna happen there’s still be some solid people

yeah there’s always gonna be some solid people there

it’s look South comedy holes very small

if you’re in LA

mean it’s a very unique place

it’s maybe 80 people

I mean that’s

about as much as it

gets and he’s expanding the back area and it’s gonna be

he’ll have like I don’t know what exactly he’s

gonna do I think I

have 2 rooms in the back

which doesn’t make any

sense to me I

think it should be one big way hey

dream or once

more the slight

difference in the

movement 240 and 280

like do like 80

what is the improv

seat like 2

09:10 to twenty two twenty

so if the improv

I mean that’s

a good size club that’s like the perfect size club

you know that’s the same size as

this place if he’s

gonna have 2 of

those rooms if it’s one room

but one of them is one

50 and the other one is

smaller right yeah 70

I think they were even closer than that

where it’s like

why don’t you really make them different yeah well

we’ll talk to him

maybe hopefully

he’ll listen to us and make it one big room

but the front room is kind of cool

where it is

right now it’s really intimate

and it’s a pole

they needed yeah

there’s a pole

yeah Doug Benzo

is fixated on it

he was barbecued

and he got off

stage he goes

sal’s Comedy Pole

we’re gonna call

sal’s Comedy

Pole and then like you think

about what you’re

gonna say when you’re

about to go on stage

and he’s hit me with the

sal’s Comedy Pole

I was really

stoned the other

night that night and I was

thinking what if they put cameras

on one side of the pole that filmed what you would see

and then have it like

on the other side of

the LCD screen like on the pole

you know what I mean

so like but

it detects from what

angle though or something

how cool would that be

that would be cool million dollar

cameras that

sells totally

down feeding

the perfect

place called a whole 80

seat intimate little Hollywood club when

the owner gets your beer himself the guy who owns the

place is cool as fuck

he’s a great guy and he’ll hook you up

and it’s starting next Wednesday next

Wednesday February

23rd and we have one special

guest I can’t talk

about and Doug

benson’s already signed on

yeah and you know it’s gonna be

basically whoever’s in town you know joey’s in town

of tripley’s in town

whoever’s in town

you know and we’re

gonna just fuck around and and

have a good time there

and it’s a good vibe

it’s a real good vibe right

sal’s a good guy are they

gonna price it

cheap what are they

gonna do with

price yeah I

think it’s like 10 or 15

or something like that and it’s

RSVP right now it’s

sales and just

websites people

fuck around

10 seems plenty for that and it’s a good yeah 10 is

plenty and it’s a good

place to to

write material

and that’s what a lot of people are

gonna be doing there

you know it’s a good workout to be

a gym stuffed

right in the dark

he doesn’t let it go

go get your

shine box not for nothing

get your shine box

this weekend

bray Improvs almost sold out Saturday

night is totally

sold out just a few tickets available Friday

and a few tickets available on Sunday

by the time

you read this it’ll probably be too late and

the more theater in Seattle

it’s on Joe Rogan

net what it would it the exact date is

but that’s almost sold out as well

the more theater is

not on my fucking

song website twitter page it’s missing for my Twitter

page more years yeah

you fuck but have sold out

either way it’s half sold out you

could get it on Joe Rogan net and

so and if you’re if you’re hungry for podcast

brian’s got a whole network of podcasts he’s doing now

he’s going it’s what is the website

death Squad TV

death Squad TV and he’s doing Sam tripoli’s podcast

are sophia’s gonna start a podcast

Tom Sagar and

his wife to a podcast notice I just say his wife yeah

and it’s it’s a cool

thing because it’s

you know all of us

Joey does Beauty and the Beast

with Felicia Michaels and that’s

a hilarious podcast as well you can get that on iTunes

and then of course as our friends like Bill Burr and

Eddie Ift and Jim Jeffries have one called Talking Shit

you know this podcast thing is

where it’s at man

it’s free for us it’s easy to put together

you know we don’t have to deal with a

bunch of producers or

idiots and it’s

just a bunch of our friends

hanging out having a good time

we had Holly

the girl from the hills

right and she

came here came to the interview with a wine inside a

water bottle

wow and she was like

she’s like I just

drink from when I wake up tonight but I do

I maintain it I

never get too high

and I just fucking have like this complete buzz

and it’s an



interview listen it’s Lil

ester’s Pie

little Esters

Pie cast but

when she left

she goes can I get some for the road and

I was like sure and so I just

filled up her

water bottle with more wine

and that’s just like

white wine or

white wine and I

always thought like

The Hills was

completely fake

but like after she talked

about like her and her

sister don’t talk anymore

cause I guess they got in a

fight on the show the Hills but

it seems like there’s

some real shit to it like she won’t even talk to her

we brought up the plastic surgery too

because she’s

broke her nose 5 times

and she was talking

about like she hates her nose

playing basketball

and I was like well I’m like don’t ever

you know don’t ever

touch your nose don’t ever get her surgery

and she goes

trust me I know you know and

she didn’t want to go too much into it

pretty interesting

when you think

about it your sister

you know has


right in front

of you to a different

person and she’s one of the most famous

plastic surgery

freak shows

oh that girl I see pictures

and you know I’m talking yeah yeah and this is

Holly we had

Holly on so they’re both fucked up you

know who did off

heidi’s plastic surgery who

Dr Dave or whatever the guy that died off

with his dog

really off a Malibu

really yeah and

it’s crazy man so she talked

about all this on the

he fell off a fucking side of a road yeah

yeah what did he do

they don’t know they

think he swerved

something was on the road and they swerved something

probably like a deer or something like that or

I don’t know

yeah they found that they

found the definitely

found he wasn’t

tweeting he wasn’t

no and he was like

my Twitter page he was

he was right that

my Twitter page you was

no I mean that’s what I

said a lot of people said that that

yeah I mean it was exactly

what people want to believe there are some hills in

California where you’re just like oh

I’m 3in away from just

dying dude I went over the 101

all the way to San Francisco you ever

do that the PCH I’ve done the PCH all the way up yeah

oh yeah and you want to look at the beautiful scenery

I mean oh God

scary as fuck there’s no

guardrail I mean there’s a

guardrail and then over to the left

is death yeah

is 1,000ft of

death and it’s beautiful you keep looking at it dude

and it’s great car commercials come from yeah

well you remember

where I was living in

Colorado up that mountain

that was a tricky fucking road too

yeah you want to look at that that’s a

cliff to the

right of that road was nothing

it’s dirt road

and to the right is death

your house was like that

scene in the cartoons

where the mule is just

going blind

and just suddenly turning it over the guys

drunk and just turning barely not falling over the

cliff it’s like the

scene in Dracula

when they go to get Gary Oldman

and when they went to get him

they went up to the fucking castle

that’s what it was like up there you better we

gotta get out of

here what’s wrong

speaking of Dracula

and we’re sponsored by

yeah we’re sponsored by Flashlight

go to Joeroganet

enter in the code name Rogan

when you click the link and it’ll give you 15 off

thank you to Joe Diaz who is mad flavor on Twitter

Ari Shafir re

Shaffir on Twitter

redband is Brian Redband and you know me bitch so

we’ll see you guys tomorrow we have one with

Pete Johansson

and I’m excited about that he’s hilarious

that’s assuming there’s

power on here cocksucker this place might be overrun by

vampires and fucking zombies by then Joe Rugby

wow was the power

income back in this game

dog mother Paula

at your boy we love you bitches we’ll see you next week

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