the joe rogan experience
freaks and geeks lovers and children what’s going on
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the podcast and
our guest today is the one and only mr dave foley
dave foley’s in the house
thank you holla
dave our podcast is sponsored by the flashlight
i don’t know if you’ve ever
utilized one of these masturbatory devices
no i haven’t can i try that
during this interview sure sure touch
it is it a that’s the butthole version
that’s the butthole
i don’t recommend you jump right into deep end
it’s like trying heroin before you try pot
yeah but it’s tighter
i don’t know it’s well yeah but i usually
with a butthole i like
i like someone to apologize to
so i don’t know if this is really
good for me
yeah it might
develop some bad social habits just
force yourself on it just
baby i know baby just let me get through this
what a terrible
terrible thing
what is that what is the
instinct that i don’t know but anal sex is so popular
with the young people
these days i
think that is because of the porn
i think the porn has fucked the kids heads up i
think it’s two
things is the porn and it’s the bush administration
really because
there was actually this study
done they said like
eight years of
of abstinence
only education in the us they got rid of anything
other than abstinence only education
in the schools
so all these kids have
grown up thinking
alright well if they take it in the ass they’re
still virgins
whoa really
yeah so all
these like christian kids in the
bible belt are all having anal sex
because of this it’s like
you know it’s blowback it’s
unintentional blowback there was
always a few girls like that when we were young that
did you know
think that they were
still virgins if they took
in the ass there was like one or two girls that you had
heard about but they were always like a joke yeah i
never i never met a girl
in you know before both my two
marriages not
until after not till i became single
again this third time
have i ever met girls that that
that were into anal sex really
ever you can find them
they’re out there i know but i you know
people that are allergic to peanut butter
you know yeah
it’s not that common that peanut butter can kill you
yeah but you’re
gonna meet them
you’re gonna meet them yeah
especially if you’re out there on the hunt
yes if you’re out there getting
crazy looking to
stick things in people’s butts
well i thought you made it out on the hunt for peanut
allergy people no that’s
cause that is a sexy that is a sexy turn
i love fucking me some peanut allergy people yeah
yeah they don’t have a lot of resistance no no
they give up easy mmm hmm
so um dave and i’ve
known each other
since 1994 when i
first started doing
when i first started acting really
news radio was one of the
first acting things i’d ever done
we had done one of the sitcom before that yeah your
own did this
thing cardboard balls
yeah absolutely terrible
terrible and
i think terrible
is a good good
word you invented
yeah you should
throw a couple
other fs in there yeah
it was you and mike starr
right yeah and
there’s another guy
bruce guy i
think his name is
greenwood he’s always in a bun he was like in star trek
he played captain
kirk’s dad you know he’s
he’s always doing a
bunch of different
things there’s a few
an alley god
was her name
oh fuck i forgot her name
but she’s married to
george stephanopoulos
oh yeah i know i know
what you mean
yeah i know what you mean very nice
girl i can’t
remember her name either alexandra wentworth yes
and yeah it was a terrible show it was really
funny premise and it was written by
these guys who
had written the simpsons and they worked on
married with children
kevin kern and jeff martin really
funny guys but they were very much writers
they were very
quiet guys they were a little socially awkward
and the network just did not
think that they
would be able to handle
producing a show
so they brought in this
ultimate hack
i don’t even remember
his name was bill something or another but he was death
every joke was
death all of his
instincts were terrible it was just the
worst most hacky shit the guy had
never said a
funny thing in his life
so i got to see the worst
aspect of hollywood
and then i was totally
ready to bail
and go back to new york and just go back to doing
stand up but unfortunately i’d
leased a fucking apartment
because i was convinced this show was
gonna be successful like
every idiot yeah
so i stayed around and then next
thing you know
i’m saying news
radio literally
thanks to ray
romano being
fired in rehearsals yeah
so what was that like you were there in the
pilot i was not
what just didn’t work out was just the
wrong character it was weird
i mean cause i
guess ray knew
things weren’t
going well i didn’t really
perceive that he was having any real problems you know
except but he he
would get break
would come up to me like
he man you gotta help me out here you kind of
know i got i
gotta get a joke in here i gotta
i gotta make this
funny somehow
maybe it was just a stench
of nervousness yeah he was like
i panicked i
guess he was
you know and then
knows then i
got the call yeah i got that call from paul
you know saying oh
well we’re gonna let ray go and well
that’s ray though all the time
thinking that something’s going terrible
yeah he’s like one of those guys
always thinks that
things are going wrong there’s a
recent he did an interview on the
green room that paul prevents a show
oh yeah where he said that
still to this day he goes on
stage and the audience cheers and he feels like a fraud
you know he steps out there they love him you
know fucking ten years of a
great sitcom a
great stand up
comic all these people love him
he’s like girl
they don’t even like me this is fake
he gets out there and he just weirds out
weirds out the fact that all
these people actually like him
you know and then there was the guy that did
the part during the pilot and then just
that was it for him they just didn’t use him
after that yeah
i forget his name now bill
i don’t even think they considered this poor fuck
no he was just there as an
interim filler yeah
which is horrible
his position to be in
yeah so i was in my
apartment and i had a deal
with nbc some sort of a development deal
and they said well there’s a show that we
would like you to read for if you’re interested
and then they gave me the tape
and i remember
thinking holy shit this is fucking good like
like there’s no
way i can get on the show like this is like a real show
like the other hardball show at
least it sort of made sense
like why did they
picked me with zero acting ever
to be on this sitcom oh because they’re
idiots and they don’t know what the fuck to doing
you know but all the
sudden this
was like this real npc show and i was like holy shit
you know i can
still remember being there on the
first day of set and like that i’m fucking sitting
right next to phil hartman like how
weird is this
you know i mean i
literally had
when i got my
development deal they made me take some acting
classes so i took some one on one acting
classes with some
crazy failed actress
woman in new york who was
unbelievably bitter
yeah you know and play like weird
psychological games with you they won’t give your
teaching certificate
unless you’re unbelievably bitter i think
she was brutal
and then she was trying to
angle a job she kept trying to
angle a job to play my mother
and i’m like i don’t
think there’s a mom in this fucking
script you know
crazy bitch well if there’s a
thing that comes up to play your mom you’re
gonna use right
oh god yeah
and all of a
sudden we’re on news
radio it’s crazy
yeah yeah that was
because we had well we had a different because it was
the joe character was different and also the catherine
character was
different different actor playing catherine
oh we all that too
yeah so you forgot
about that you and
candy both came in
at the same time wow that’s crazy yeah
i just ran out of
candy recently at the airport she
still looks like she’s 30 years old
yes crazy i know
black don’t crack baby
mm hmm something
about those jeans
it’s amazing yeah she looks fantastic
healthy and vibrant
yeah no survived
in as what is
that csi miami
yeah she bolted from that show too i told her i saw her
oh i’m not on that show anymore
honey yeah yeah yeah
she’s famous for leaving shows
yeah she is gorgeous
yeah she’s a
she’s a wild bitch
she’s crazy
candy alexander is awesome i love her but she’s
legitimately wild like
she doesn’t take any shit
she quit news
radio because
she wasn’t getting enough jokes
i mean she just decided there’s a tv show
in the air and it’s doing really well and she’s getting
you know some
silly amount of money
every week and she’s like no
i’m not they’re not appreciating me i’m gone yeah
and the writers were
completely in denial
about it it was the weirdest
thing you know when it came up
yeah they’re like well that’s not true
right like what
the fuck are you talking
about man yeah
no a bunch of
white guys from harvard
were not able to
write for a
black woman a black
woman well it didn’t even seem like
that it’s almost seemed like they just didn’t bother
yeah they didn’t even try
it just you know
they had her there and if it fit in they
could use her but
occasionally they put the word
honey at the
start of a sentence
when you’re on a show and there’s you know
eight people
sitcom is such a weird environment you know and
eight people are struggling to get their own little
thing in you know yeah
it’s a weird little tense environment
yeah it could be very strange and for her i
guess it was just
disappointing over and over and over again yeah
a lot of people who like that show
don’t know this and this is
a very odd part in history but dave foley literally
wrote half of that show
and half of it on the set
like you were
like an uncredited producer
i mean it would have
never worked the way it worked without you
wow i guess it’s
i’ll say it’s a generous over overstatement i don’t
think it is i really don’t you went over
every scene
you didn’t just rehearse the scene
you went over every scene and you went over the beats
and you came up with alternatives
every single time i mean i don’t think we ever
unless the scene was absolutely perfect
i don’t think there was ever a time
where we didn’t dabble with things
yeah i know we all and
again i can
say everyone did i mean a lot of it was i mean
a lot of the cast you had
you and me and phil and andy
were all used to creating
their own stuff
right so we i
think everyone came into it with that
the ability to
to think on
their feet and change
stuff it was amazing that paul let us
as much as he did
yeah you know he
paul sims who
was a producer of it who also worked on the
larry sander show before that was
you know it’s a really
young guy at the time and just really bright and really
great writer a
great writer and
and just knew
that you know
we could fuck around and make
different things up and
when you’re actually
on the set and you’re acting it out sometimes it
doesn’t come off as the same
as it is on a written page and sometimes there’s an
obvious or not so obvious alternative
but it’s just amazing that he let us do it
yeah well they let
us because yeah we’d rework
stuff during rehearsals and find different
things we thought were funnier
and we’d run it for paul and the
other writers
at the end of the day and if they liked it
it would show up in the
script the next day yeah
it seemed like both of your characters were pretty much
really well written for you guys because
like you two at
least i know
phil hartman
didn’t really seem like that you know in real life i
would imagine but
it’s seemed like you were you and you were you
on that show
which sort of
i mean dave was more innocent and i was more retarded
yeah yeah but you had your theories
and stuff like that well they
incorporated
aspects of our
personalities
definitely i mean
i mean i was
dave nelson’s probably a real mix of me and phil
me and phil
me and paul sims
you know so be
depending on
who the writers felt like mocking more that day
you know it’s like
yeah yeah i was
just a more retarded version of me with special gifts
that i don’t
possess yes
yeah you were yeah you were
a conspiracy theorist with a bit of the fawns yeah
it was a fun gig though a lot of fun
the last year was odd as fuck
yeah but other than that it was it was a lot
of fun yeah
and i’m glad we did the last year because i
would have hated to not see everyone that yeah
that would have been terrified
yeah i always assumed we
would be hanging out all the time from now on from that
point on but it really didn’t work out that way
no no it never does you know
no yeah it’s true cause everybody goes in
such different directions yeah i ran into maura once or
twice i know i ran into her once we had a good time at
one of those nbc functions
yeah and i was on
a news radio
or fear factor and she was on
er and we got drunk together it was a great time
yeah it was like the old days yeah reminded me
ours always fun to get drunk
oh yeah she’s one of the best ever you know
she was the one who convinced me to kick in the
craft service door
because we were all hungry
yeah we had some good times on that set
after the set
after filming we would basically just
drink all night you know
that filming would be done at whatever and
we all have our mini fridges
stocked in our
guest rooms
coolers and we just get hammered
and just shoot the shit and have fun and
laugh and go over dave’s room and listen to some
weird music
a voice had some weird chicks that made you
wanna cry playing
a few of them that you dated
yeah just you know strange
somber women
voices mm hmm
and and then we yeah somebody
would be there till it was time to go to denny’s yeah
right or we would go to
down the street when we were at
sunset gower we would go down to that bar and
what was it
called there was like a like an industry bar like
really catered to people that were leaving the set oh
well right next to the next door
right you know
it was pinot was that what it was yeah
used to be a bar and
grill yeah yeah yeah
yeah be like
all the people from fraser
and that was
weird to be there yeah we
go and it would be
stiff as fuck we
would be hammered
and they would be all
still like doing
their actor
thing you know i thought it was a
marvelous performance i
think he was
quite lovely
did you know that it’s on
broadway now oh
amazing i’ve got to see it
you know they were just all
completely full of shit
and and he would
come in trying to grab everybody’s dick and you know
dave and i would be hammered more be
hammered yeah
julie bean and
julie b yeah we’d all be
laughing and joking around
yeah it was a great
great group of humans
it was one of
the most fun times of my entire life those
it was amazing there was one time i remember we were
about to go
and do it there
was a live audience there and everybody was getting
ready and we were
standing in that little back hallway
where they would introduce us
and i said you know
that this is
gonna be one of
those days where we’re
gonna look back
when we’re older and we’re
gonna go i can’t believe i didn’t
enjoy this more
i can’t believe i didn’t
appreciate how
crazy this is more yeah
you don’t realize
what a random
stroke of luck
it is to get so many cool people all together in one
group yeah the fact that yeah we all wanted to
spend time together
like when work was done nobody
wanted to go everyone wanted to stay
we all had fun
it was a really
weird environment it was a
weird environment too creatively
it’s so rare that a sitcom works
yeah you know i’ve been given
scripts to sitcoms and
fuck i couldn’t get into them i
fucked up at some recent audition
about a year ago i
guess it was
i just i didn’t
even i read it a little bit and then i looked at
him like what the fuck am i
gonna do with this you know it’s just yeah
you just you feel like
like you were there when
lightning hit the ground you know you don’t want to be
you know you know yeah
well with that it was like we were
from the very
first time i
think we were all together on
state it felt like
we’ve been there for years
yeah like it felt like a
group of people have been working together for
for a long time
it was so weird it was such a
weird environment such a
weird experience for me
yeah like i said i had no acting
experience nor aspirations to act
yeah it was
strictly by greed
alone that i
wound up in hollywood because they offered me all this
money to be on a sitcom i was like
fuck really
and all of a
sudden i’m here and then
literally less than you know six
months after that show was canceled i’m on this radio
yeah it was so bizarre
didn’t you kind
of have the same kind of like thrown into it
you were young when you
started kids in the hall
you i was 20 well i was
i was 19 when i
started working with
kevin mcdonald
wow but i was 20 i was 25 when the series
started were you a
comic before or were you doing any kind of improv
before yeah well i
started doing i
quit high school and
started doing
stand up when i was like 17 wow
and then how long did you do it for
just for like just
not even two years
about a year and a half i quit when i was
just around my nineteenth birthday and
that is exactly when you were getting into kids at all
yeah i quit
after when i met
kevin mcdonald and
started doing
stuff with him i stopped doing
stand up so just
focused all your time on sketches and
stuff yeah yeah we’re doing i joined his improv group
um and then
we’re like well theater
sports and it’s taken like
second city workshops and
you know that led pretty
i guess fairly
quickly like within a few years to the
the whole the five men
version of the kids in the hall
that became the tv show
but which they played
non stop in the united
states on comedy central all
the time back in the day yeah
i think we were all they had for a while yeah
that weekend at bernie’s
that was pre south park
yeah oh yeah wrap your
head around that yeah comedy central pre
south park yeah we were pre comedy central i
think we were back when there was
there was the ha
network and the comedy network
is like the jurassic era
yeah and then they
merged and became
comedy central yeah my
first deal with them was on the comedy channel they did
little profiles of comedians and they
would have you do like
it’s where i met
sharon levy who’s the head of
spike she’s one of the heads of programming at spike
she was a pa
and we were in a field
that was on a farm
for handicapped animals
like literally animals that were like like
they had a problem
it’s hard to
laugh at handicapping
yeah you can laugh
doesn’t matter you’re
gonna eat them
when they die
but it was like you know like blind
sheep and you know
a cow with a limp and we were and she was holding the
microphone and i was doing like
stand up to
these animals that was like a campaign
program that they put together yeah
the comedy channel it was
yes god it’s so
funny our time
just fucking
flies by now let’s history
remember alan
yeah sure yeah
allenhave used to
he would be at pino
every now and then or whatever that bar was called
that’s true yeah we
would run yeah he was there
he was doing some show that was nearby
yeah that was the
other thing you’d be like
close by and
we’d also get the feeds from
other other
oh yeah the
other shows
other sets we get to
watch other
horrible sitcoms that was
great geraldo
had a show yeah
that was a good one actually yeah
and so did joey lawrence do you remember that oh i
mostly just remember him sitting in his convertible
playing his own cds really loud
he always had badass cars like
joey lawrence
always had like the newest ferrari or the newest
bentley or whatever
the hell it was but he sit there playing his own
music loud super loud
with a bandana on yeah
okay where is he now man intentionally ripped jeans
he was just in dancing with the stars recently
well i think dave said it best even back then
was that someone needs to tell that
young man that he’s gay
and that’s exactly how you said it too
we stopped and we were looking there
and there was a couple of them
and you just
stopped and paused and said someone needs to tell that
young man he’s gay that’s
we went into work
i mean he would be right you don’t know where
these cars were parked
right directly in front of the building
so you’d open up the door and
you basically be on the set and
right behind that is this fucking guy in his car
blaring his own music from
some insane
stereo system that’s like and if your
music is great
it’s wrong to sit there and listen to your own
music in the car
yeah robert
plant is in his car fucking
beating you know the drums to his
steering wheel yeah they still
be like what the fuck robert really yeah
you don’t get enough attention
yeah yeah but when you joey lawrence yeah
how did you get hooked up with the
south park guys weren’t you the baldwin brothers on the
south park movie i was i met
well i met matt and trey um
before there’s before south park went on the air
i met him they’d done there that the little christmas
thing that was going around yeah
right barnett
yeah brian and santa
and and and jesus which was amazing
and and then
so i’d seen that and then they got their deal with with
comedy central
i was at a comedy central
party somewhere in like
one of the good
parties like the rave parties or no it was pretty
quiet it was in a
small bar it was like a tiny
but they were there i remember because i remember
trey was wearing
a shiny silver jumpsuit
sort of a jumpsuit yeah it was like really shiny
you know it was like super dave but in silver
i fucking love those guys i love that they exist
you know that there’s
these guys that are just so balls out there they
are shit they do it’s just so
crazy when i saw yeah bigger longer on cut
i like you know
at the time i don’t know what the fuck a
south park movie is i don’t know what how
how they’re gonna do this
and i got went to go to the premiere and all i
think was this is the most punk rock
thing i’ve ever seen in my life
this is the most
aggressive thing i
this is the line i shit on your god
you know fuck
it’s amazing
that they got away with it when they had saddam hussein
and the devil
and that whole
thing yeah penis
just when they first cut
remember when you
first heard like cartman
say fuck or something like that whoa
that was huge and then they they took it
with team america
world police they
took it in another direction which
which is fucking
incredible another one of my favorite all time
movies it’s hilarious i mean
they’re just the funniest
that movie for whatever
weird reason
doesn’t make me
laugh the second and
third time i don’t know why
team america
oh yeah i watched it the
other day it was
fucking maybe i’m
watching it
alone maybe i need to
watch it with friends
the first time i
watched it i thought it was the funniest
thing i’ve ever seen in my life by a long shot
the scene where the guy
throws up all over himself and the
throw up just won’t stop and it goes on forever
i was like these
guys are animals like they don’t fuck around
they go so deep
yeah well that was the
scene in the car is going
well first you’re
gonna have to blow me yeah
you’re kidding no i’m serious you’re really
gonna have to blow me
did you ever
see the uncut version when they take a shit
the you know
the girl takes a shit on his
chest and pisses
in his face
no no no the
crazy sex scene between
the two dolls oh that’s
i never saw the
uncut version yeah she shits on his chest
and the sensors were like enough already dude
the fuck wasn’t even
about censorship it
was yeah it was just that it was just oh come on well i
think it’s also they’re very savvy and they
understand the
system that you have to put so many
things in in
order to get what you actually want
so yeah so they feel so the
sensors feel like they’ve done
their job there was an episode of newsradio
about the word
penis and because this episode
this episode had like you know 30 uses of the word
penis in and they
wouldn’t air it one season
and we had to wait
until the subsequent
season before they
started airing it remember that oh
right i forget
and yeah they kept
and then there was
still a negotiation they wanted
the number of
penises removed yeah and
the premise of the
story was bill saying
that you have to say a
bunch of penises in
order to be able to say one or two
you have to compromise
i mean literally they’re like letting
everyone in on the goof
and these fuckers
still do it you know
these network people are
still well you’re saying it too many times
if you can say penis once
why can’t you say it a thousand times what the
fuck is the difference if it’s relevant
if it’s not like what are
you trying to pull off by saying it over and over again
i know well
see i have a problem
cause you know
well you have children and i have children
and my daughter will say well
why is it okay to say poo but not shit
right and my only answer is
cause most of the people in the
world are stupid
there’s no other explanation for it
there is no
other explanation
because they mean the same thing
you know so i’d say like
you know language
you know all words are supposed to just convey
a meaning and if the meanings the
same the words are the same exactly you know we have a
weird really
weird thing
in this country
in this country in this culture
where we’re sensitive to
secret words you know
secret special words we’re very sensitive to yeah
yeah you know whether it’s faggot or nigger
or shit or pits it’s all shit
there should be no
magical words that have you
know they’re
completely imprisoned
of superpower
yeah you know
yeah and then
the fuck word
you know which is like this sort of like
sort of acceptable like not even that bad anymore in
casual conversation you know
this fucking guy or you know
as long as you
don’t use it too much people don’t really seem to care
businessmen
will say it in meetings yeah
absolutely sure but children
children yeah but we
still send them to
school and tell them
pretend this
still exists
there was a
yeah that these words are bad
there was a
photo that i talked
about on the podcast the
other day i’ve been talking
about this on
stage because it’s so ridiculous
it was a mexican drug killing
they chopped this guy up into a
bunch of pieces
skinned him took
his skin off of his face like a mask hung it on a stick
all of this is on the air
and then they cut his hands off inside one of his
hands was his dick and his balls and it was blurred out
see that all i can
think is that
and people say mexicans are lazy
that’s a lot of work
you won’t see a white killer taking the time it’s true
he sent a very clear message
and so did the owners of the website that
balls are scary yeah
not skin skulls and no
hands you know
it’s the same
thing it’s like what is
wrong with us why do we look at things that way like
the other day my daughter she’s
taken to saying shit when things don’t go well
which is what happens when she hears it you know they
imitate their
atmosphere my wife
is horrified she’s like if we stop now she’ll stop to
and i’m like and then what
if you’re just taking a break
just taking a
break for 10 years then she’s
gonna start saying shit
again like everybody else
why can’t you
say it’s cute as hell man i know i’ve just told my
daughter just don’t do it at
school it’s like
there’s no reason
i keep saying it’s not
like there’s any reason for you not to do it it’s cool
other than the fact that
you’ll get grief from people it’s
truly amazing that we grew up knowing they were silly
and now we’re
adults and it’s
still silly and we’re
teaching children and it’s like
this meme takes forever to get out of our
system this forbidden word meme
like why is it still here
it’s absolutely
ridiculous we
could eliminate so much and
still convey the
exact same thoughts
if we had no bad words
yeah you could have cunt on
television and everyone
would just get used to it
and it would
be fun it wouldn’t change the
world you know it
wouldn’t wouldn’t make people
angry it wouldn’t
cause crime
i don’t think you’re allowed to
bring the word cunt across the border into the united
states i think they will
confiscate the word cunt from your lexicon
if you write in the
work you have to have
three different pages right yeah
sir are you carrying the word cunt in your brain
now you’ve just started to do
stand up recently which is
a fascinating
thing to me because i always thought you
would be a brilliant
stand up because you’re a great rider
and when we used to do
those little things in the audience remember when
we would talk to the audience before
you would fuck around with them
every now and then and you
wouldn’t like do
it like phil had a routine that he was doing like phil
actually started doing stand up
because of you know wanting to
entertain the audience so he had a
bunch of bits that he would do
yeah clinton
impressions
were really good and it was like
i was like holy shit dude you know like a real
comic like you’re a standup
he’s like i’ve been
thinking about do it
feels like this really
unusual human being
very very fascinating guy yeah you know
he was the world he was like a
great hobbyist
yeah he would go so deep
he got into flying
and which is actually how i
found out about this neighborhood
yeah phil was taking me out into the valley looking for
different places
where he could
go and have a nice view
we went up in his little single engine
plane but i remember when he first
started getting into the flying
boy he was reading book after book
in between rehearsals he’d be
studying his
pilot’s book like
the dude was up in the little fake broadcast booth yeah
very he was very very disciplined
i always said phil was like a big league
version of mark mckinney from kids in the hall because
martin mckinney was really into his flight simulator
where phil learned to fly a
plane yeah he
loved it he
learned to fly a
plane he learned to sail a boat
he was one of
those guys you know
if only had
learned to duck
yeah well not even if you had
learned to just separate from fucking
crazy people i know had some
we you know we all did i
think had talks with him many times
about divorce
you know like you got to get out of that man
it was one of
those things
where we would have
these parties i mean paul had one
party once and i remember we were all at this
bar somewhere and
phil showed up with the wife and she just
was saying the
creepiest shit and
insulting him and you
know talking
about how she likes pickup
trucks because they remind her of
you know boys
that she used to bang back when she was younger
and just just
torturing him
just torture
talking about oh well you’re not phil you
know phil’s too old and he’s just didn’t he have like
women thrown on him all
the time it seems like if he was that miserable that he
would have just
doesn’t matter man when you have children with somebody
you’re inexorably attached forever phil was yeah
the thought of being separated from his kids
and i understand because
at the time i was separated from my kids yeah
yeah i know you know i
completely see
where he was coming from he didn’t want
a divorce he thought his wife is with all her flaws was
still very good to the kids and
you know and he
felt like he
could work it out
and then he really got in a pot
no that was his
thing he would just get his laser
yeah i was like
yeah you’d be sitting in his mercedes in his parking
space with this one hitter yeah
baked baked
to the gills getting
stoned and you
weren’t smoking weed at the
time imagine
smoking weed with phil
harvey that
would barely you
yeah yeah you didn’t do any any drugs i
would just drunk
that’s all i would do
yeah i was this is
my old thinking i had a lot of
thinking left
over from my martial arts competition days
and it came to drugs
yeah you know and i thought pot was like one of the
worst for motivation i was like
the last thing i wanted in life was to be a
loser the last
thing i wanted to be was someone who just
couldn’t get
their shit together was lazy
and i knew so many people that
were like that with marijuana
so i’d always
associated it with
losers yeah
you needed your
focus dealt a little i did you
helped me yeah honestly yeah
marijuana is here to calm the
savage instincts of man you know
especially certain
men you know it’s very good to me it’s yeah
the best self
medication i’ve ever
found yeah i
guess that’s why me just turns me into a sponge
makes you extra relaxed
we were talking
about this before the show though you really
should try it when you write
you know i should i haven’t like
yeah i don’t think i’ve ever written
hi hot drunk i’ve written a lot
drunk yeah that’s great too you know
boy drunk on an airplane riding is fantastic yeah
yeah you’re
stuck in that seat
can’t go anywhere and yeah
the ideas just come
yeah the sensor shuts down
when you’re drunk yeah
yeah oh yeah yeah of course that’s why
so many great writers are
drunks you know from hemingway the hunter s thompson
so many of them just wanted to escape
or get to it escape from
themselves and get to whatever the ideas were whatever
the words were it’s like
it gives you that window
where you don’t hate yourself long enough
you know before the
depression of the
drinking sets
in but that moment
where you think i’m
brilliant and i’m beautiful
yeah and before the
depression sets in that was always
the news radio set like you wanted to
leave after
three hours
you didn’t want to be there on the fourth and
fifth hour yeah
when all the irish
blood comes to the floor
there’s a lot of irish
blood in that
cast so much
she me and mora and you and all of us
mora was mad at me once for a
whole year for
something that happened when she was drunk
she could hold a grudge
yeah she could hold a grudge
you know and she’s so you know you love her you only
want to make up to her so the grudge hurts i know
yeah i saw more briefly i saw
the one she was
only because she was
shooting pilot for her show
underneath my apartment
that’s what it’s oh really yes yes
pete’s cafe and i live
above i shouldn’t say that on the don’t say that
crazy fucks go find you
girls with white makeup on and black lipstick
waiting for you yeah
i sorry i started shooting
and she over there short hair
her hair was
going back in it’s a single woman now right
yes yeah as she
still i don’t
know i don’t know i don’t know i’m talking all the time
if you’re listening
mora pick up a
phone come on yeah holla at your boy make a call
follow me on twitter
call my agent that’s the easiest way
i know you’re legit
you know how to get ahold of people
so you and you were married at the time
and you were
getting divorced
while we were doing the show
and it was one of the craziest
things i’ve ever
seen in my life and not just the phil hartman divorce
thing you know scared me but dave
things scared me
and one of the reasons why dave’s
things scared me was
you do not want to get fucking
married in canada no
because when you
break up in canada
say you decide you want to get a divorce
you can’t legally get divorced
until you’re separate for a year
right that’s correct
i’m not sure i can’t even remember
i believe it was a year it’s
tattooed in my brain
because i remember
thinking how
crazy this was that you were fucked
and what was happening was
his first wife was
an eccentric character
and she decided to
start taking the children
all over fucking
world her content
on the radio i
would have gone with that yeah so you’re a
great guy and i want to say that
she’s a cunt yeah
well she’s the
mother of your children so
yeah that doesn’t excuse it
that is not a get out of get out of cunt freeze
well she was very odd
and the first
season the guys were together and i believe by the
second season it was over
yeah yeah we split up yeah and
so she started
what she would do is
spend all dave’s money
so dave would be working and she would
spend all dave’s money
i mean by crazy expensive furniture
fly all around the
world all the time
so whenever dave wanted to see his kids
he used to have to get fucking malaria shots yeah okay
so one time we’re at one of these nbc
things and dave’s fucked up on malaria medication
and gin and tonics or whatever the fuck you were
drinking yeah and you get like
like crazy i had to stop dave from beating a guy up
i had a step in between do you remember
the big guy with the long hair with the fucking don
joe over here tony i
quite like yeah
tony carrie
it wasn’t i really like
him it wasn’t that the guy had done anything
wrong it was just the malaria
medication you become a psychotic
it’s a very common
effect especially
apparently when you mix it with alcohol yeah
well and you and then you
added that having made two trips to africa
in a month yes
africa to see his fucking
kids like i had to fly to i had to fly to morocco
at thanksgiving
and so we had two weeks off of it so i
floated flew
to and this
again and she
when we first
celebrated she took the kids we
said we like a somerset mom divorce
where i was like
i need to take
the children to the continent and gather my thoughts
so she like
traveled through europe with
you know a six
month old baby and a two
year two and a half year old for
six months and then
so then thanksgiving
they were in morocco so i had to go meet him in morocco
so i spent ten days in morocco
then another 24
hours flying back
and then two weeks
later we get our christmas
break so i have to fly to zimbabwe
oh my god and there was nothing you
could have done like
taking your
money and like
hey i’m giving it to joe or something like that
no it was like oh money
yeah no you have to be responsible for taking care of
their well being
well at the
time when i like when i made her get into therapy she’s
like i forced her to get
us to get into couples therapy because i was miserable
and and so since we got
i said let’s go to therapy she said well i
gotta go first
and all right you can go see the therapist
at the traps yeah so she goes and
explains to the therapist that i’m an abusive husband
uh you know and then she starts phoning
she actually excuse me being physically abusive whoa
and then she starts like phoning my family
and friends
and saying that i’m physically abusive
okay complete fabrications right so she’s just
creating stories a good friend of mine
steve hibbert when he heard this
said that’s crazy if dave was abusive
she would be dead yeah
you know but
no then i go into therapy and the therapist goes
you know who
is prepared for this abusive husband to walk in
and she goes
it was and she explained me
later that was very
weird because you walked in and
you didn’t match the description of you at all
and she said
when you walked in you and i saw you two together
i immediately
realized that if anyone in this couple was abused it
was it was me
did the therapist
say this to her
i don’t know if she ever said it to her in therapy
did you have a one on one with the therapist i had
one on one with
it we both saw her individually and together
and then after
that’s six months of therapy
my wife when i thought
things were
starting to get better because i was
you know i was able to do
things like go cd
shopping with steve
without get without that being a huge
fight when i got home
you know you know
so that was i got that
oh i’m a little
bit of freedom here i can go out and hang out with
hang out with my friends
for a little bit without there being a huge fight and
but then you like she was diagnosed as
having borderline personality disorder
what is that exactly mean why is
it borderline personality disorder well it’s a misnomer
really i don’t like it
they used to
they used to
think it was because
it was a condition that bordered on being psychotic
and now it’s they
that’s they know
that isn’t the condition it’s not anything to do with
psychosis but
the name is stuck
the problem with my problem with the
name is when you say borderline personality disorder
do you have a fucking personality disorder or not yeah
what is borderline you’re kind of
weird kind of yeah and in fact
cause in fact borderlines
a lot of therapists won’t even
treat them cause they
think they’re just impossible to
treat another horrible people to deal with
you know that they’re incredibly
dishonest the pathological
liars how do you
define it though
how can you define
certain sets of mental illness i mean yeah they
do is it a judgment call there’s like that
was the dsm is that what it’s called the diagnostic
standards manual
something that and it’s got like a
checklist and if you
score a certain number on the
checklist they go that’s a diagnosis
and i think
she had like nine out of ten
on the checklist
for borderline was she always this
way did she change no she was always that way she was
yeah like basically as soon as we became
a couple like before we were couple she was like my um
before she did she was my best friend’s
girlfriend oh shit you know that’s
karma son yeah that’s what happened you know
you got hooked up with karma yeah
so it was like one of the
things were
like did she
break up with him
first and then go out with you or you oh
no no it’s like one of
these things
where i sort of said look i’m
we should stop hanging out so much
because i’m you know
right i was like
feeling bad
about it again i was like 20
years old and at that
point kind of lonely and desperate
and said look i’ve got
these feelings and we
should stop hanging out together
alone really you actually said i have
these feelings and we
should stop hanging out
how many guys
would do that
very few yeah and her reaction that was the
she just showed me her tits and
started kissing me so
oh all right
well i tried you did give it your best
so um so what happens then you go to the
buddy and go hey bro uh i
fucked your girlfriend
again well i
tried to cool it
tried to get out of it and i even was out of town for a
while and tried to stay away from it but
you know he was probably like thank god
thank god yeah well that’s the thing
i didn’t realize at the time
cause i’ve gone
alright i thought
things were okay with them and
and you know it wasn’t till
she and i hooked up like because
again as soon as we hook
because borderlines when they love you
you’re the most beautiful perfect
thing in the world
but then but then
after that like if anything is
wrong then you
suddenly become the most evil dark horrible
thing in the world
and they can’t
they can’t see
the two at the same time they can’t see your flaws
and your and your virtues
how do they treat it
wow i think i’ve
dated somebody
every girl you’ve ever
dated like man i need to
write this fucking
guy you don’t even know he just got
out of a relationship with a penthouse pet of the year
oh real and it was
wonderful for me it was like i had my own soap
opera going on
yeah but it was also just like this
where when shit went down it was
it was on or off it was no like
shits down maybe we can work through this it
was just that’s one of the key signals of a borderline
is that they say it’s an inability
to recognize the good and bad in the same person
wow you know
you can shift from being the most evil person to the
greatest person 100 percent
exactly so with my
first wife before we were a couple
when it was just
illicit you know when it was like these secret feelings
you know when we were friends i was the
greatest guys and she made me feel like i was the
greatest guy on earth
so you thought this is the perfect
woman for me yeah she’s with my friend you know
we have to be
they do right you know
yeah you know and then
but as soon as we became a couple
first thing that like sex gone immediately
whoa we didn’t have sex for eleven years
wow we were together 11 years and we’d have sex
maybe once a year oh my god how did you have two kids
once a year wow
really i have very motile sperm
holy shit we had kids cause she decided she wanted to
get pregnant
and even at that
point i thought
well at least we’ll get laid
you know oh god
but dave where were your friends while this was all
going on well what do men friends always do
it depends on the men friends they
never say anything they just sit there and
quietly hate
and hate her not me man
i’ve learned from the phil hartman
experience i tell people yeah
whenever i think that
my friends in a bad situation i will pull them aside
i’ve offered
which is on risk you
should take for a friend yeah i’ve had
friends stay at my
house duncan stayed at my
house for a few
months after he got out yeah
you know you
gotta tell people like bro
you’re stuck and you
think for some reason
that this person is a part of your life
they’re not
this is a show that you’re
tuning into that you can shut off yeah
and for me it was like this a lot of
guilt about how we
started of course
and then eventually eventually you know
i’m almost as
crazy as she is
after 11 years of no fucking
your brain doesn’t function properly
you know and it’s also 11 years of like
twice a month suicide threats oh
god you know oh my god
you know and then you know that you know i got to the
point where i was so
crazy i thought
well man at
least if we have a kid you know
if we have a kid she won’t kill herself when i leave
you know and look
that’s how crazy i
and look oh my
god within a
less than a
month after
my son was born uh
out of nowhere she goes you know i’ve been thinking
about it and i think
if you left me even with
a baby i would
still kill myself
like you could read my mind
whoa i’ve been
thinking about it
yeah holy shit it’s like really
you make me feel better
about myself dave yeah
it was some really
eye opening moments on that set i
learned so much
about all sorts
of different types of relationships hanging out with
you guys oh yeah well everyone was pretty fucked up in
those days the shower
marriages were in bad
shape yeah yeah
yeah the only one that wasn’t well i guess andy
wasn’t really married
right yeah the
kids sort of
married wasn’t he
with forgotten her name now
lena lena yes
you’re sort of
married sort of i don’t
whatever was they
might have jumped over
a fucking broom like on roots
i don’t know if andy actually made it to the
courtroom in time to sign
papers yeah
but yeah well
you know how many relationships are right
yeah of him are together but i remember being
startled when
we all came back from hiatus
and the only one who was divorced was steve root
that right it was
like what we thought you were happy
i know he got fucked hard too here’s another one that i
learned from when
steve saved his entire life as a working actor who’s a
really an actor but had done like a lot of very
small things and
never gotten any notoriety
until newsradio i mean hebrew is really struggling
i believe he said he had
never made more than 50 or 60 000
an entire year ever
before newsradio
then all of a
sudden he does news
radio and he’s making really good money
and then his wife gets a divorce and
expects to be paid
for half the length of the relationship the
money he’s making now
so she just got instantly used
within a couple
months of this new lifestyle
and he was giving her 10 000
a month and
going fucking crazy
you know i remember just seeing him just
couldn’t really
pay for you know
lived in a small
apartment was
fucking struggling was trying to put it together
i had a look at that time i was like
when tabs and i
split up she was
going through
about 50 grand a month god
damn it and
that was before we had that was before we had
like a separation agreement
half a million a year yeah
my god running
spending it and you have to make a million to
spend a half a million yeah yeah
jesus christ it
would have been so fun though she was
renovating the
house constantly what
to be her to be her yeah
she’s crazy though
she rescape
had the backyard re landscaped
twice because she decided she didn’t like
where the koi pond was
oh my god you know that’s
you know queer
pons are pretty awesome though yeah
that’s the one
thing i’ve always thought
about kelly it’s something
to eat that’s nice you know what you can’t really
raise a child in a healthy home
without a collective
is that was that her argument you know
it’s her argument
it’s all for the kids
yeah the kids need a koi
pond kids need to go to morocco and
worry about getting bitten by poisonous insects yeah
she turned like the
third she kept
renovating this
house like least
spent like another like a half a million dollars
renovating a
fully renovated house yeah
it’s just so
i mean like i’m
married now
and you know i
think about the
legal ramifications of that and
i do have a prenuptial and all that
stuff and i
absolutely think that
marriage is retarded i
still think it’s retarded
but mrs rogan doesn’t
and i love her so i was willing to do it for her
and think it’s
crazy but god
everywhere around me is just
people with
bullet holes in
their heads
and then i’m saying i don’t
think i should put this gun in my
mouth it’s like
trust me it’ll be fine
but it’s just like i just see the remnants of divorce
everywhere just constantly
the legal idea of it is just so it seems so
ridiculous that you
would get two people in a relationship and
force them either to be together
or to distribute money
you know it’s fucking it’s so
crazy yeah i’m terrified to get
married just because my own parents getting a divorce
and just stories like this it’s like i’m scared as
fuck my parents
not getting a divorce was equally terrifying yeah
it was like sometimes more yeah
you know but no
it’s true i mean i’ve been i’m divorced
twice now you know yeah
you went back
on both ends
right you went back into it
after all that you went back yeah
yeah well you know love is a
motherfucker
and again i don’t really i don’t really believe in
marriage either
but the us is not set up for you not to be married
if you’re canadian
or no even i
think even for americans there’s no like real
civil union
no like you know okay so you
worried about
like if you had to go to the hospital she couldn’t
visit you that’s what actually came like
she almost died in an emergency ward once
and i couldn’t get any information
about her and i couldn’t see her
because you
weren’t married yeah
oh fuck you know
and as i after that
this country’s
weird but it’s not
weird because how
would they know if she’s in a coma
that you’re
not just some creepy fuck that put her in the coma
i mean you could be some weird
stalker i mean
unless you’re actually the husband
prove that you’re the current boyfriend you
could be the ex boyfriend and
still trying to get her back yeah
yeah but you can see why in this circumstance
why why if you’re gay you really want gay
marriage not
sure not just some
something similar
to marriage
that’s to me
one of the most fascinating arguments and immediately
labels you a retard
in my book if you
think that it’s a bad idea
gay people shouldn’t be
married i think all
marriage is a bad idea
yeah i agree but gay
marriage is no
worse than straight
marriage like why
would you not want and
people will
start talking about
taxes and not
all i hear is
i’m gay and i’m hiding it or i’m scared of being gay
or i’m humble
that’s all i hear yeah
yeah there’s a couple of
things that somehow gay
marriage is
gonna hurt their
marriage yeah exactly
no that’s like
to value like like you know like well
you’re gonna
flood the market with marriages yeah
not that fox show who wants to
marry a millionaire or anything i mean come on
stories like this yeah
housewives of beverly
hills you know if anything devalues
marriage i mean fucking
they had a reality show about flava
flave getting married you know what i mean it wasn’t
you know nobody nobody protested it this is devalued
married i’d show up at that route
but there was two guy
there’s two guys that i know that live
down the street and
they’re gay and they have kid they have they to
adopt they actually didn’t adopt a kid
they have stopped combined their
sperm together and hired someone to carry their baby
and the first woman
changed her mind
right after they had paid for
everything and took care of her for nine
months and gave her a salary
and the baby comes out she goes i
think i’m gonna keep it and they’re like what
and like they had
spent like hundreds of thousands of dollars they had
given her a
salary for the entire year
and then they had
spent all this
money on medical procedures and taking
care of all of her medical bills and all that stuff
and then at the end she’s like
psych it’s my kid
yeah she just took it and so
they went through the
whole process again
and then had a kid so there wasn’t any kind of like
court thing they
could have done
or contracts or
there’s nothing you can do it’s her baby
it comes out of her body you can’t take her baby
you cannot tell yeah but there
should be like hey we’re giving you this
money shouldn’t
be really you don’t have to pay it back and the sperm
yeah shouldn’t
be yeah you know
you know what it’s
i think what she did was
you know i mean probably
deceptive maybe
but who knows
maybe she just
changed her mind
she was overwhelmed by emotions and couldn’t believe
the idea that she’s
gonna leave this kid behind in the world and
and just go
about she wouldn’t be able to deal with it i see her
point of view more than i see
their point of view well definitely
have did was
shoot a load and maybe
spend some money
you have a baby it’s yeah
ultimately when it comes down to it if you can’t
say goodbye to that baby you can’t say goodbye to the
baby to me seeing my wife
have kids seeing the baby come out of her body
being near the
moment the baby’s born seeing the bond seeing
this moment
fuck man you can’t take a baby away
a baby has to be in
trouble if you take a baby away it has to be some
crazy method or a bad person
i mean that’s the only way she’d take a baby away
it’s like this is a nature bond that’s
i mean it’s
a soul stealing bond
i have a buddy and his ex
girlfriend was a
she was a stripper
when she was like 16 she had a baby and
gave it up for prostitution or for adoption rather yeah
for prostitution
can you do that
besides so early you
did that yeah
you can find
yeah if you find a nice pimp
and she was this poor girl was wrecked
for the rest
of her life she was devastated whenever she would
drink whenever she
would be out
she would just think
about that baby that she had when she was sixteen
yeah now that it’s out there in the
world and that she’s the
mother and she just has this hole in her soul
forever yeah
and she couldn’t make up no matter
what she did she couldn’t fill it up with drugs she
couldn’t fill it up with dick she couldn’t figure out
she couldn’t fill it up it just yeah
there was a
hole yeah i
would so these
poor guys down the
street you know
they spent the
money but they have
money they’re
gonna be fun
yeah you know they got ripped off no big deal yeah
they now they have a kid it’s really fascinating though
cause the kid is
starting to get a little older now
he’s like four
or five you know and now when i see him he’s
starting to go
where the fuck is my
mother you know
everybody else has a lady around them like
these two dudes all the time yeah
you know so i’m sure it’s pretty
weird for him yeah
why is everything so tidy
oh it’s fashion sense
i mean what
happens with gay guys when they get divorced how
does that work i mean how do you decide who’s the wife
you know is it
is it who’s working and who’s not which one
which one’s
butt is tighter yeah
the butt is tighter
the wife looser not me the other way yeah yeah
yeah i’ve never understood the
whole top and bottom
thing that’s a
i was gay i would just i would be versatile
i would be yeah
move it around how do you not have you not
you know give and receive yeah
how do you know i don’t understand that how rude yeah
i think some gay guys like the rude guys though
yeah guys just wanna shut up suck it
smack them in the face and run out the door that’s
what they’re looking for they’re looking for some yeah
weird abusive sort of a situation yeah
i just can’t i just can’t
understand being the
other the guy that does the abusive
do you know
anybody that’s a guy that’s getting alimony um
well isn’t bora paying
is she i think so really still
i don’t know
wow that was that was a
crazy situation
to have more campy on the podcast to tell us
about it yeah i
think she would
she probably
wouldn’t give it up
yeah it’s crazy story
unfortunately
you’re fucked
folks yeah um
yeah i know one dude i know one dude who
married a model and he was a
loser he was an actor
and she’s a very
famous model
and she’s still paying them
and they have kids together as well
and she still has to pay him
sounds nice
i never thought
about that i
might try to do that
tom arnold yeah
tom arnold got paid a fuckload of
money yeah yeah
kirstie alley didn’t she pay out
did she divorce did she she have a
young skippy oh yeah
but she was married to what’s his name parker stevenson
right oh yeah
wasn’t he the guy from the hardy boys yeah yeah
well when it wasn’t cassidy
right yeah what happened to that guy
is what joey lawrence right now
know that guy
play your cds again
completely vanished
yeah i forgot he even existed
until you just said his name yeah
like i might not have thought about him in ten years
and wherever
again whatever happens to dudes like that that
act for a long time and then they just stop and vanish
i don’t know
i just keep wondering if it’s happened to me yet
you are in everything
i don’t know you’re even in one of my favorite
video games fallout
like i do oh yeah i keep hearing
about that i haven’t
such an awesome game i
haven’t played
cause i don’t play any
video games cause
i don’t know how
well for the longest
time you did that poker show
yeah and then so
after news radio what did you do after news
radio did you try to develop something else i had like
three or four development deals after that
wrote like about i
wrote like about five
pilots for different
networks and different studios
and none of them sold and
that was it then yeah then just
doing a bunch of
movies brain
candy yeah well
brain candy was
shot while we were doing this radio
is another lesson i
learned that i have to remember before i forget
that i learned
about the movie business dave had a fucking
great movie called the wrong guy
and it was a
great movie and we went to see it i
think brian callan went to see it with me
and we were fucking howling and i was like holy shit
david’s gonna be a huge
movie star this is
gonna be a huge movie
and i remember
watching it
going like this is
one of the best comedies
i’ve seen in years
and then nothing
yeah disney shelved it
yeah well what happened was how hollywood
pictures was our distributor at disney then
they shut hollywood
pictures down in the middle of
production and then
when we were done they reopened hollywood
pictures but with a new president of hollywood pictures
and he didn’t want to
touch any of the
stuff that the
other guy had started
they always
there like that
because if it’s there if it’s a failure it’s
their failure yeah but if it’s a
success it’s the
other guy’s
success yeah
so they just don’t deal with it
so they so got shelves
for like five years
like they would even
admit they had it and
so it never had a theatrical release
never got theatrical release
so it’s available on dvd
right now get it on
amazon com 10
on amazon right now yeah really well then people
should probably pick that up yeah i’m
gonna pick it up
right now with some one
click while
we’re doing the podcast i’m
gonna buy that
it’s actually
one of the things i’m
proudest of is that movie
like creatively
and comedically it was brilliant you know
there it goes
watch this one
click oh done
it’s that easy people i love amazon com
yeah that was a brilliant fucking
movie was really fun
i enjoyed the shit out of it and i
know i remember you guys all coming out to see it that
screening yeah
yeah and i remember
thinking after is over
after the whole
thing where it didn’t work out and
never i’m like wow well this is a
this business is
crazy like this business
doesn’t make any
sense i know
because we really thought we you know we were
clear because we had you know the big
thing was always well
if you’re doing
an independent film can you get distribution
and we went into it with distribution we had disney
lined up in the script
phase you know
so we had distribution
lined up we had
we even had
we were even in profit in foreign sales
while we were
shooting the movie
based on a trailer
whoa that was
taken to can
so we had advanced sales
foreign sales that put the
movie in profit
while we were shooting
but they were all contingent
on a us release
it seems like you
could get a meeting and talk to the new head guy and go
oh yeah we tried it for years well
thank you we’ll make a big deal we’ll do
press releases and
yeah we tried
talking to disney for years and they just
wouldn’t have anything to do with it now
wow there were
other people even
tried to buy it from disney and they
wouldn’t sell
it really yeah wow because of that it was a
success then they fucked up yeah
wow what a creepy fucking business
you wonder why dave chappelle went to africa yeah
well and it’s beautiful there it is beautiful
especially if you can
get away from the
hippos and shit the
flies are nice
so now you’re divorced
twice and and
thank god my
second ex wife is sane
and decent she was very nice person i
met her a couple times yeah
met her at a fucking a satanic ritual on
on oh yeah i
wasn’t there for that yeah
that date was that it was some 666 show
yeah it was the birthday of the
famous satan
yeah oh yeah
dan zig was there yeah and
duncan did performed with his
satanic puppet our friend duncan
yeah your wife was there as like some devil woman
doing some singing back yeah yeah
yeah and hank williams
iii was there that was a
great show man
watching hank williams and danzig together on stage
hanging backstage
and like i’m hanging out with dan zigg right now
it was very
weird yeah that was
a fun that was a fun gig
yeah it was weird
really hammered around a really high rather around a
bunch of fucking
satanists yeah yeah
very very odd that was a weird
phase that duncan our friend duncan went through
cause for a
while he was taking me to like
graveyards to like
hang out with that antoine
guy it was like doing all yeah
i’d go to these people’s
houses and they
would have like
and like the dolls with like the
whatever we put needles in them and
stuff and i’m like
i was really kind of getting it for a
while i was like oh i get it now it’s kind of like
they’re doing
it almost as a joke almost like you know well duncan
was well duncan
was yeah but
well satanism to
a lot of people
is just a hedonism
it’s just living life
with pleasure and
enjoying all
the rebellion
against christian
you know morality
yeah i mean it’s not really like sacrificing
babies or killing goats or anything
stupid like that yeah
so you have
to put well this is why i brought this up so
i ran into you
on twitter i saw you on twitter and one of the
first things i saw you on twitter
was you talking
about how you had just gotten
the court had just told you you have to pay
three times your
monthly salary
in alimony yeah and i
guess two times left but i
would say is an average
because a lot of
months i don’t have a salary
no yeah they ordered
i have to pay
seventeen thousand
seven hundred dollars a month
or go to jail for ten days
every any month that i’m late
without warning
that’s that was the
the judges ruling jail for ten days so do you have to
bet be exported to canada is that what well that’s the
thing i’m here so
do you know say fuck you i
live here now i just stay here but i yeah i can’t risk
going back to canada
you go to jail yeah whoa
so unless i’ve come up with
seventeen thousand
seven hundred dollars
which in a month where i
haven’t earned anything is a little hard to do fuck
that so how much are
you sending over there you trying to like whatever i
can yeah like i said five
grand this past
month and they
should go crazy
twenty grand
a few in november
they should go
crazy and yell at you like you need more and
she hasn’t talked to me directly
you know really sorry
through lawyers but again
they were trying
through this organization called
the fro the family responsibility office in ontario
that and this this
legal office
is really responsible for hounding
a lot of men to
their death
like there’s
a real problem with like people committing suicide um
after being
prosecuted by
these people and
they they were trying to get me
like in november i was sitting in a
court in like november twentieth i guess
sitting in court and
thinking at the end of that day i
might go to jail for six months
they were pushing for me to go to jail for six
months this is what the fro was asking
six month jail sentence if
i didn’t come up with half a million dollars that day
and an additional 30 days for
every month i didn’t come up with the money
all right oh my god so and i was sitting there
going well the judge if he goes for it i’m
in jail for life they’ll cuff me there
that day take me to
jail oh my god and i’ll go to jail for six
months the end of six months they’ll say you know
well do you have the half million dollars
and plus the ongoing
money that would a crew over the six months
and i’d say no i’ve been in jail for six
months how was i supposed to earn any money all
right that’s another 30 days the end of that 30 days
yeah the money no i’ve been in jail so it’s
essentially a life sentence unless someone gives you
500 000 yeah
how long how much longer do you have for this
well it’s really unending
until i pay off the rears
that i owe right
you know and that’s crazy and then till the kids are
twenty two if they stay in school
so and again and so then the
money just keeps adding up and
i’m chopping my dick off tonight yeah like i mean
don’t you know just don’t
marry a canadian chick yeah i mean in order to pay 17
700 i have to earn
about 40 000 in a month just to pay that just you know
you know with
you know twenty percent commission
thirty five percent tax bracket
you know so i got to earn forty thousand
just to have zero dollars fuck
and it’s someone you hate
yeah yeah and you didn’t fuck me for eleven years
tell what crazy ass laws
now when you tell them that you don’t make that much
money anymore what do they
say the judge who pat who made this ruling
because they were
asking for the six
months right
and the judge kept saying to the fro attorney
you know give me another option
because i’m looking at i’m looking at the
the the financial documents
and i’m seeing
where all the money
all the money that has come in i’m seeing
where it’s all gone
it’s all here in this documents
all the money that’s come in and
where it’s all gone i can see it all in these documents
so i am convinced that there isn’t a half
a million dollars for mr foley to come up with today
so if you insist on that ruling
then i would
send him to jail and your client will
never see another
dime because mr foley’s career will be over
and that’s it
and he kept saying
give me an option that will get your client some money
and the fro
refused to say well
we don’t have the authority from our client my ex wife
to make any
other offer um
so for about two hours the
judge kept asking them to come up with another
so all this time when you’re sitting there you’re
going i’m going to jail yeah and i
might be going to jail
essentially forever yeah yeah
what happened
going to jail for being for the
crime of not earning a million
dollars oh my god so what happens if that actually does
happen i mean we have guys gone in jail with an alarm
some like that and
never come out
i don’t know but people have
definitely gone to jail and
and definitely there’s a lot of people who have
been looking at jail time have just killed themselves
now can you
get the kids and have them stay with
you so that she has to tell you it’s alimony bro it’s
alimony no this is
child support it’s all
child support this is all
child support yeah so whoa 17
000 a month in
child support yeah
steal the kids
what the fuck are your kids eating
uh seventeen
thousand dollars
on iphones they’re eating iphones yeah
that’s incredible yeah
seventeen thousand
seventeen thousand
seven hundred dollars a
month that’s
crazy yeah i
would talk to the kids and be like hey come live with
me we’ll have a tv show together i’ll get you a podcast
and somehow turn the tables
well yeah i mean
get a horse
yeah we get a couple you
thought about being on the real
house husbands of beverly hills perhaps
i’m thinking we can get a reality show off the ground
right well you are you willing to
marry a kardashian
oh my god i look hey
i can’t marry
worse than i have
they probably a lot better
yeah not crazy they’re just ambitious yeah
fuck man so
what’s the solution so you cannot go to canada
and you just send whatever
you have and then you have to constantly deal with
legal payments
because they’re constantly trying to fuck you and i
spent like a year and a half
literally going to
court every single month
with lawyers just
basically go having to go to court
every month just
just stay out of jail
to go and have them put it over till the next month
and the lawyers
you know the lawyers
you know i mean
you know people that do family law
a lot of them are really horrible people
and they just make
money off misery
and even my own lawyers
were just you know extending this as far as they could
until i ran out of money
and like and then quit so when i went to court
for this ruling
i didn’t have
i didn’t have a lawyer and
because i couldn’t afford one so you
went by yourself i was there by myself not only was i
there by myself but all of the documents that had been
piled up all of the evidence that had been piled up
over the course of a year
and a half was sitting in my lawyer’s office oh my god
you know so you had no evidence and no lawyer yeah
did you have
records did you have anything i had nothing i
had nothing god so you’re just going
i have nothing i have no
money i this is all i can do yeah and they’re
asked me questions
about files
that have been
piling up over a year and a half
you know but how do they just
think i don’t know i don’t recall i don’t you
know cause i don’t you know
how do they justify such an exorbitant amount of money
because it’s the the
as it was explained to me by my lawyers was that the
court’s assumption is that the children
should continue to live
at the level they were at
at the time of the dissolution of the marriage
so which is
crazy because if
we were still
married and my income dropped
their lifestyle
would change
right but because we’re not
married anymore
their lifestyle
should never change no matter what i’m earning
well i said the
judge the ruling that was enforced was by another
judge named
justice backhouse
and she’s the one who ruled
about three four years ago
when i went back to try and get it adjusted i went to
have a hearing to have it adjusted to
meet my income
um and she ruled
against me and in her ruling she said my ability to pay
was not relevant to my obligation
so it didn’t
matter to her what i proved my income to be
if my income was zero
she said i was still
obligated to pay
as though i was earning a million dollars
i know a lot of people saying joe rogan this day
fully guys bumming me the fuck out i
feel like yeah
well listen
this some important shit this was my education in
in relationships and the law
regarding relationships as i was growing up literally
i mean when i was on newsrady i was a
fresh faced boy didn’t know jack shit
about the world
and this is how i learned
about relationships this is how i
learned about
the whole gamut
from divorce
to fucking murder suicide
and i learned that all
you are happily
married yeah
crazy what are the odds figured it out
who no no yeah
got lucky yeah
could go ugly for me too
i would do in your podcast
i would probably
seriously just move somewhere like live on a
beach in jeb
loves his kids you
get to see your kids
not now i can’t go to canada so i can’t
so you don’t see him at all
no when was the last time you saw them i was in
november wow
that would drive me
nuts last time i saw i
went to see my son’s play at
school as last time i saw
and was the chick there the wife no no she was
there thank god
so you have no communication with her at all
no not no not in you don’t have to pay any more alimony
no she didn’t seek
alimony she saw it
child support
because yeah but it’s
none of it got to the kids
you know it all goes to her
yeah she was getting you know
it’s all this
money and then on top of the
child support payment which is
she was also getting something called section
seven expenses which is
basically anything she
chose to any bills she
chose to run up
what you know so be like
twenty thousand dollars for summer camp
things like
that anything that was for the kids that she chose
yeah so not just
alimony not or not just
child support but
child support
plus and then
all of her living expenses you know like the
the mortgage and
you know everything medical expenses everything
this makes me sick
it should make you sick
it’s so strange and i don’t know if
there’s a way around it i don’t know how to fix it but
it certainly
should not apply to something as
crazy and transient as a hollywood job
the greatest job ever a sitcom job cause
those only last
a few years and you usually get one of them your
whole life yeah you know
it’s just rare as fuck how could you
i mean in the
stephen root situation was the same situation i mean
he got fucked
based on you know
the fact that
that’s when you know he was making the most
money and that’s
when she decided to get and was good yeah
find the whole assumption that
you know it’s
based on an assumption that’s 50 years old that women
can’t take care of themselves they can’t
you know it’s true
you know they can’t all right
just pray for
just pray for breast cancer believe
it or not i’m
covering this in my
stand up but
humorously wow
there are jokes to be
made good luck with that
yeah i mean
i think it’s much more difficult for
women to take care of themselves
especially women who have children
fucking hard to shit man
how raising
kids you know
people who don’t
think that it’s a job to
raise kids you
never tried to
raise kids you don’t know what you’re talking
about i am amazed that kids
are a lot of work did
so many people
think that it’s okay
or that it’s no big deal to
have a full time job and have children
like i have a friend of mine who’s
thirty six who’s
still wanting to have kids and she’s you know
thinking that it’s not
gonna interrupt her job
and i’m like you work eight ten
hours a day you’re fucking
crazy you’re
gonna have a new
human being
and she’s talking all this craziness about
childcare i’m like listen
it’s an immense
immense amount of work beyond your comprehension yeah
and especially if you’re
traveling through italy
or africa right
with just the one nanny
just one nanny
yeah wow how
could you do that i don’t know she’s
roughing it yep wow
so i don’t mean to bum anybody out and i’m
sorry the order went
so in depth
so in depth
about this we can cut it down yeah no we’re not
going to this
is live and we don’t edit it
no everyone just go by kids in the hall on dvd support
daily does that
money go to you shows
does that money go to you
ah small percentage what
about the wrong guy does that go to you yeah
really well yeah
almost nothing almost no i
think i just gave you almost nothing there
you go yeah
well almost i mean
that rarely ever sells a copy
so tell me this how did you go from doing
newsradium you had a
bunch of pilots that didn’t take off
how the fuck does that not
how do you not
wind up on something else how does that not happen
i don’t know i mean i did a
you know i was in a
bunch of pilots
other people’s
pilots that i didn’t
write none of
those shows went
and then you know then i also like
was it was the judge on
thank god you’re here with on nbc
which would have been a good money gig
what is that it was an improv show
based on australian improv show
oh did like
seven episodes on on nbc but then it got canceled
this is like during the writer strike
um so you know
you know and you know
and then they just becomes you know
the industry is all
about perception then the perception is just oh
well he’s cold oh
you know how weird is that huh you know
and i kind of kind of thought there would be a problem
i mean i remember
talking to vicki
and saying like when news i kept saying when
well when newsradio gets cancelled
i said i’ll probably
be the hardest for me to get work of anyone else
why’d you think that because i was
first in the credits and the show was
never a hit
oh that’s interesting
so that’s how they do that yeah so everyone else was
a supporting
player on a critically acclaimed show
oh that’s interesting
but i was the
you know supposedly the lead character
on a show that
wasn’t a hit so it’d be well he couldn’t
carry a show
wow what a weird way to look at it yeah
people don’t
know a lot of people that don’t even realize news
radio wasn’t a hit but
while we were on the air
we were on the air we
moved nine times
nine times over the course of five
seasons and oh yeah
the guy had the head of programming it it it
of scheduling and nbc hated us
why was that
i don’t know remember there was that
whole thing with
the rolling
stone article yes
but that was
when we were already floundering yeah
but it was also but the guy
this guy but we
should tell people what that means yeah what’s rolling
the rolling star down a girl
paul stanley or paul stanley
yeah kiss paul simms
who was the
creator of the show called
nbc’s thursday
night lineup
which was their big friends lineup
they called it a shit sandwich
called it was really it
should have been
shit was the bun
because the real sandwich was friends
and then you
would have friends on and then you
would have this terrible show
you know that was always on
after friends yeah
and you know obviously nbc was very
upset that paul
was calling sex in the city or the single guy two
pieces of shit
but you know they were they were terrible
shows and then friends
was this brilliant show that everybody tuned into
so they sort of
watched those
other shows just because they were on
but i guess
the guy in terms of the guy
guessing preston
beckman hated our show even when we did the
pilot he didn’t want it picked up
because we were originally supposed to get a
thursday slot ourselves
but this guy who was in charge of the nbc
schedule wouldn’t let us have a
thursday slot
so then he basically kept trying to find a slot that
would kill us
so that’s why they put us on
what we were the leading
we were on with wings and fraser
and those shows were both doing poorly when we came
along he put us on with
those shows and we our show we
boosted the ratings of both shows
well all sudden became like a decent lineup
for for commies but it
it was a different time then man there was no dvrs and
shows couldn’t exist in
a non popular spot it had to be a spot
where people were
already looking well the ratings we were getting in
those we were getting like 10 million people
tuning in yeah
and those ratings in
those days were considered
a ratings failure
like today if you got
those ratings you’re the number one show on tv
yeah it’s weird isn’t it
cause there’s so many channels now at one
point in time
lou morton used
to show up at our writer’s meetings at the
rather at the runtime oh
yeah the table reads with a
t shirt on with the number of whatever we were in
would place we’re in
and he showed up and it was 84
yes we were in 84th place
and we were like what the was it 84 or
88 it was that
that’s when they finally when
they put us up
against drew carey
yeah and then we had
warren littlefield actually came down to a
table read to let
us know that they
still loved us
where they serve
as turkey dinner
oh yeah remember lauren lauren
like it was there carving turkey and
warren littlefield whatever yeah
yeah he was a nice guy he was a nice guy
or a network head yeah he was very nice to us
i always remember 95
warren littlefield dancing on the bar in new york
when we went for the upfronts
and it was like jay leno
had just hit
was the number one late night show
wow and when warren was
standing on this bar doing shots and shouting 1995
oh wow that’s hilarious
was that the one
which one did you guys get
drunk at i didn’t go and you guys get
drunk at every event
but we got kicked out where we
weren’t allowed to go was it the sag awards yeah
these motherfuckers got so hammered
they caused so much damage at the sag awards
we couldn’t go anymore
we weren’t allowed to go i’ve still never been back
here’s a great one
we’re at the emmys and this is
after phil had been murdered
and we’re sitting
there and you know phil was nominated for something and
the nominations go and i
think the guy from frasier
got it david
hay pierce yeah
and dave turns to me and goes
what does phil have to do to win
like oh no you know it was so i know
it was in david
david i pierce
looks so embarrassed to be winning yeah he was
literally up there like his
all the blood
drained out of his face and he was just going um
well obviously
phil hartman
you know he
couldn’t even like put a sentence together he was
yeah i wonder what the choice behind that was that was
weird you know
don’t don’t kill someone and then you know
expect them to win
so the message yeah
setting out to
murder is cheating
it’s cheating
being murdered is a
cheat oh what a
strange strange times so what did you guys do at the
sag awards that got us kicked out forever i
know i think
most you’re just uh
at the time i guess
cause we all thought what a
stupid award show
you know this is the
first year of the sag awards
we said this is
ridiculous why actors
voting about each
other and giving awards
gross saying who’s best
that’s the you know our
union is deciding who is best
and it creates this weird
culture of ass kissing and fakery
yeah they’re
all like what a wonderful project you know and amazing
and i think what we do i
think moore and i found
where the service bar was
and they had like the big industrial corkscrew and
everything so we were
going back there just opening up bottles of wine
and bringing them up to the table and i think you know
and then you know we had andy with this too yeah
which was so who did what
did anybody do anything notable that got us kicked out
i don’t really remember i
think we were just noisy and rude
and stealing we were applauding inappropriately
like there was no malaria
medicine back then was there no this
was just a drink
the malaria medicine when he took a reporter
a reporter came up to him with a tape recorder
and asked him some questions dave took his microphone
stuck it in his drink
and then pushed him no way
yes and that’s when we realized like dave was off the
tracks in the woods
he wasn’t dave anymore
and then dave was fucking
screaming at this tony guy
fucking up my show and my fucking people i fucking were
i’m like oh my god i think dave’s gonna hit him
and i had to get in between him i had
to corner him
in a bar like physically i had a physically cornered
dave to keep him from attacking this
other guy yeah
but we were always the ones to last to leave the bar
the news radio crew was always last to leave the bar
yeah i think we had this idea
felt like we were like the punks
of primetime comedy
well we were the
least bullshitty
of that you know there’s this
whole culture this actor culture
and it’s one
of the reasons why i was willing to do newsradio
afterwards like the
thought of working with actual actors for five years
it’s like somehow or another i had managed to see the
worst case scenario with this hardball
and then slip
into the best case scenario for five years in newsradio
and then it
was like auditions and being around real actors
again i’m like fuck this man what is there
other shit i can do
and he’s ready
it was a cast
where you regularly hear people say
you know what my joke
doesn’t work we
should cut my joke that his joke
is the better joke yes
all the time
you know it was really an amazing environment and you
would also hear don’t put that pencil in my cunt
you would hear things like that i mean people
would just say the most fucked up shit ever i mean
do you remember the time we had the
we actually had to sit down and
they played that presentation for us oh
the sexual harassment
oh i felt so badly for that person what was that
you don’t know the
group of people you’ve just walked in front of
it was so ridiculous
they have to go over this whole
thing of what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate
yeah it would have
meant basically
would have cut down
about 98 of all conversation on our set
i mean we all just sort of
you know just made an
agreement that we wouldn’t sue each other yeah
yeah like okay
this doesn’t this
doesn’t apply right but if anybody
wanted to i mean there’s been many times on sets where
you know especially
women actresses
feel like there’s too much of that shit going on
and they just fucking fuck this i’m getting a lawyer
and then there’s payouts man it becomes like a big
issue yeah you make a lot of
money i know
cause i remember
like you’d have andy
andy would be sitting there to vicky going
they got us want to
stuff your pussy for
leaves and twigs and mud
you know vicky
wouldn’t be
vicky would be laughing
i remember the very
first time i met andy i mean
again i’d been acting for a fucking
month right i
knew no one like that i grew up with
fighters and pool hustlers
those are the two
worlds that i was most
entrenched in and
crazy stand up comedians they’re all nuts right
and then all of a
sudden i’m in this
dressing room with andy
and andy is sitting
cross legged
and he has clogs on
okay and he’s got
these weird
brown corduroy
pants and he’s like
flipping his foot back and forth he goes
do you think you’re
gonna be famous
and i was like i don’t know what do you
think oh yes
i know i’m gonna be
i know i’m gonna be
i’ve already decided
i’m gonna be so
famous i can’t wait
i can’t wait to be really really
famous do you
think this is
gonna be the show for you or
maybe not yeah
i’m like i don’t know man i don’t know
you gonna be
famous oh i’m
gonna be so
famous from this show yeah
i think you
think it’s already happening yeah i
think the arc of your friendship
with andy was the most interesting of the whole cast
i’d only wish i had marijuana back then
yeah yeah i
would have found him so much more
fascinating because i had testosterone and adrenaline
and that was just
every day was just don’t kill andy
don’t don’t kill him
don’t fucking
kill him because he was just so out of control i’ve
never met someone so out of control but on set nobody
enjoyed andy more than you did
love them like doing scenes
like joe had so much
trouble getting through
scenes with andy
because they
would laugh you
bust you up constantly
he’s hilarious
yeah he’s one of the funniest
human beings i’ve ever met in my life
yeah there’s only been there’s been a few
human beings that i’ve ever met in my life
where i was like wow
what a fucking original
joey diaz is one of them and andy dick is one of them
joey’s funnier than andy but he’s a
stand up but andy
fucking christ he was
funny and he’s no
doubt he’s talented
so weird but
he needs to be handled
andy’s one of
those guys that needs a paul sims and crew behind him
or you write for
him and you put him in yeah and he’s goddamn gold and
after that was over i was like how is no one
grabbing him
and doing another one of these yeah
instead he went and done did that
mtv show which was so
and he was on
for a few years on
was it less than perfect
wasn’t he’s on that for
i didn’t even been as long as news radio that
now he’s like living in a garage somewhere
in a shack on his own property
with his ex
wives god i
heard a story
about him the other day
where he went to
like my friend lives in this
apartment building
where it’s just like you know like the
courtyards in the middle
and they heard all
these people
yelling at like 1 am they look outside and i guess
andy was just like
screaming like i need a beer
and some guy upstairs is like hey
are you a hindi
dick and he’s
like yeah and he’s like we got beer up here man
and so he just came up there and
party till like 4 am
with these strangers in his apartment
sounds like
an ending well i got a text recently i was like
asleep thank god
but then i woke
up and i just got this text from a friend that said
that andy was in the bar downstairs from where my
apartment is
and he said
andy dick is
here and he’s making a complete ass of himself
and yeah he was like running through the restaurant
he was like
grabbing the waitresses
tits and he was like
like stealing food off people’s
plates and at one
point he apparently
crawled under all the
tables and was knocking
tables over
and then he went into the
kitchen and
tried to make out with
you know the dishwasher
you know and
how is he gonna
get arrested
he’s been arrested a lot yeah
well but i do a joke
about it in my act
cause it’s so
ridiculous people
go can you believe andy did get arrested
i’m like i can’t believe he
doesn’t get arrested
every day a day that goes by
where he’s not arrested
you could have a tv show
called let’s get any dick arrested and that’s what it
would be just
every day you show up yeah
cause he is
committing a felony
every day probably yeah
you know poor fucking guy
but you know
he needs to be handled but even if he’s handled he’s
gonna go out of control no i mean that’s
again i think newsradio is such a good
place for him because none of us
really would take any shit from him that yes and also
because he never
became famous from that show
yeah you know it was always floundering and it
never really it became a hit
after it was in syndication that’s when
it became a hit
but there were some moments there were some moments
where andy tried to get
crazy you know and yeah
especially you know he would
try not to pay attention or try to you know
force extra attention on himself
rehearsals delaying
things or fucking up rehearsals or
forgetting to show up yeah
yeah leaving his son on the set when he left
drove home and forgot his fucking kid
he sent this comedy now
right yeah lucas
i saw i think i saw him the
other day at open mic oh
yeah give the poor kid a hug
yeah i saw some
i actually did improv
with andy it
improve olympic
wow io they call it out back with
respect when he had the
ankle bracelet on so he was sober
and i was like i you know
it’s like it’s gone wow
it’s weird andy i don’t you know it’s
weird to be around you when you’re not
when he’s not
fucked up yeah last time i saw him he was sober
he came up to the comedy or to the improv rather
yeah took a
picture of him
cause really i’ve always said
about any of those
i never really
understood why
he needs so much like drugs and booze cause
i don’t know what inhibitions he’s trying to release
well that’s not what it is he’s trying to
quell the demons of his past memories
andy and i had a long conversation
about it once
where he told me he
doesn’t remember anything from age like
eight or nine on
anything earlier than that yeah
he doesn’t remember it he
literally doesn’t remember his
childhood why
his no recollection
cause it was a horribly traumatic
all right he
doesn’t know his parents i mean
i think he met them
after he became famous
yeah he’s met them
in the last few years it
was ugly whatever the fuck happened to him you’re not
gonna get the straight
story from him
but you don’t make an andy dick
with love and attention and you
know you only
make one of
those with fucking horrible amounts of neglect
yeah yeah unfortunately
it was an evil geppetto that made
andy dick but it’s
funny how it works that way
well you have to have some sort of a fucked up life
to make a really
truly brilliantly
funny person
yeah like everyone that i know joe
yeah well i was
gonna say i usually say that the childhood
background for comedians
is basically the same as porn stars because
those comedians don’t usually have the abs for porn
you of course go against
that rule i fuck up the
whole rule see you
could do porn
you wanted to
too thanks bro really
appreciate that yeah
back when there was
money in and i thought
about it yeah
i know now this
would be my way out of hollywood
just fucking do a porno and make millions
yeah jeff thought
about directing porn really
yeah do you remember the guy on newsradio
i do not remember his name
but he was a writer that also
wrote for porn
do you know i don’t know
season one because i was living in
north hollywood
at the time
and he took me to a set
and it was i remember you telling you jill
kelly and janine yeah we went to a
lesbian shoot and it was
back in the vivid days when they were making a ton of
money because they were selling vhs tapes okay they
weren’t even selling dvds back then yeah
was 94 right so we went to the set and it was so
oddly clinical
and weird and
girl janine who
wound up marrying jesse
james and having
kids with them
that was the woman
and she’d kept
going i love my job
i love my job
and her job is you
know eating
pussy it was just so weird
no wait a minute i
would love that i
would love that job yeah you
think so apparently
causes cancer that’s what just that yeah
if you get cancer
from eating
pussy you’re a pussy
yeah that’s
annoying though but
if i’m gonna get
mouth cancer rather yet from
from from you know looking pussy
from back and
spitting in a cup what they’re also saying now that the
coloring and coca cola
is causing cancer now
yeah they’re thinking
about why do they need to color coke
can it just be
clear and taste like that well
they really give a fuck
what it looks like great
and my favorite
thing is to
drink coca cola out of a pussy
right so i’m fucked now
why do i even get out of bed yeah
it’s over yeah
so so andy dick
stays out of jail somehow or another yeah and yeah
does that pussy cancer thing by the way does that
same on ass or is it just like the pussy i think
i could switch yes because it’s the pamphloma of
a pamphloma that’s in spain
right pimp what’s the name of the
virus papilloma yeah something like that
yeah that virus yeah
is they this that can give you a mouth cancer oh wow
that’s crazy shit dude yeah
i had a wart on my lip
i got a wart on my lip from the comedy store
because the
microphone of the calming storm i
know this is what it’s from from talking to people that
all these different
guys use it because there’s a certain spot
where the microphone
would always
touch my lip i’d always have the
microphone right here on my lip
and all of a sudden i
started getting
this fucking growth on my lip i’m like what is this
and i went to a dermatologist
and they said
it was a wart and they burned a fucking wart off my lip
that’s disgusting
disgusting from the fucking comedy
store thank god it
never came back yeah but
in that spot the
exact spot right here do you take up wipes now
wipes no i should
wipe i know
you know what i really got into probiotics i really
got into probiotics and i eat a lot of acidophilus and
i drink a lot of kombucha
tea yeah and
i started reading
about it that acidophilus is one of the most
aggressive bacterias healthy bacterias
and that it really is an excellent aid and it kills
other bacteria that it comes in contact with so
it literally coats your skin
so it’s on top of your skin so if any
cold bacteria or any
virus bacteria tries to
fuck with you it attacks it
it’s really like having
your own healthy soldiers that live in your body yeah
and when i was not doing that
cause it sounds
gay when you
say it like that
soldiers yeah
in a good way
but when i wasn’t doing it when i was
traveling a lot for the ufc
and for comedy i’m
traveling all the time i was getting sick all the
time yeah and as soon as i really got on the kombucha
tea it killed it i
stopped i stopped getting sick
yeah i should learn to
stomach that stuff
kombucha yeah you don’t like it
it just tastes like vinegar
yeah i think it
tastes good i enjoy it
well remember it was the and he was into kombucha
yeah yeah and they got
me into it yeah then he was also that
weird garlic diet
remember he
would eat them
yeah whole cloves of garlic yeah
and just smell so bad
the weird thing
about andy was he
would do massive amounts of drugs but he
would also take like
every herb known to man yeah
he would have like this
sorting his vitamins all day
it was incredible
it’s such a contradiction you’re so into health and
know and worried
about you know all
these antioxidants that you’re taking in and yeah
fresh wheat grass
juice and all this
but then you’re just doing heroin
yeah it’s like
he was trying to combat
the drugs yeah
very sad that that dude wind up in
a shed somewhere
he was doing comedy for a
while i’d hear
these crazy fucking stories
yeah he was totally
guess we kept getting arrested
yeah pull your
hands down and yeah
we gotta get him on the podcast no
i can’t have andy know
where i live
we can do at my
studio we’ll do it my students okay
yeah we’ll do it at your now and he’s
gonna know where you live man that’s all
right be prepared to
be prepared for that
three am knocking the door let me in
i got ideas i live too far away from hollywood though
you’ll never be able to walk in
i can’t well
it’s just i
guess but my emotional attachment
though to news
radio is that as fucked up as he is
he’ll always i’ll always consider him to be family
yes you know like everyone from news
radio i always consider
to me everyone from news radio’s
you know it’s
family to me
yeah you know
yeah no doubt it’s
it’s it’s a very unusual bond that we all have you know
i steven root called me
a while back for some
party that he was thrown
and i couldn’t make it i was
going out of town
but i was like wow how good is it to talk to this guy
again yeah i feel like sometimes we won’t see each
other for years you know
but it’s like but it
never feels like
but whenever i see anyone from news
radio it doesn’t feel like any time has passed
you know dude you
should fucking
write something man put it together
be the real producer of a show
and get everybody to go together again yeah
even andy maybe
rescue andy
yeah dude news
radio by podcasting
yeah well there was one time we were
we were talking
about doing something we were on the set was when
brian callan played my brother
and we were talking
about doing something and you doing it we actually had
we talked about it’s been over the yeah
the gorelli brothers yeah but we
never wind up doing anything yeah
which is always how
it’s like joey
yes i would like doing
using the i remember with brad
isaacs talking about
using the news radio cast
as like the
mercury theater players you know like a repertory
acting ensemble that you
would just like do like
you know just do like
independent
movies but it
would only be the cast of news
radio and all
these different
movies that
would be cool you know that
would have been a lot of fun we totally
should have done a newsradio
movie though
but it was never like
as i said it really wasn’t
successful we
thought we were
canceled every
season every
season and that’s why we
kept doing season finale
we kept doing serious
finals at the end of
every season
yeah they were they were so
crazy like the space one
yeah we do these the
titanic one we did a
titanic one
yeah the whole episode of the show
took place in a boat
so we were like
underwater at the end
of the dive
i had to dive
underwater and i have a great
i remember i said that i brought my 3d my
stereo cameras to that
i have this
great 3d photo of you
in the break room set that was in the
swimming pool
like with water up to here and that’s the water
spraying past you
this is you trying to fix this
oh that’s a
great really cool
photo oh wow 3d
yeah to me man
can you email to me does it work like
that yeah i can
probably yeah i can probably scan it and you’d have
i could scan it is like to
side by side images
so you went from that you you
start doing the poker show
you know and you did a
try to do a bunch of
pilots and then you decided
recently to
start doing
stand up again
yeah well actually
right after i
got the court rolling
i thought oh
you know i don’t have any you know i’m not
you know i’m not making much
money these days
you know i’m
still making like
a decent living
but but not when you have to
pay 17 000 a
month i’m talking
about a quarter of what i need to earn to be broke um
so i figured well you know
maybe stand up
at least i can go out and you know
and if i can put an act together and
you know if somebody
told me said well if you got some tv if you got if you
got some name
recognition from being on tv you can go out and
do stand up and make money
you know and i said well you know
i guess you can you
said you don’t even have to be good you just you know
people will come
after a little
while people will stop showing up but true
but i thought well all
right well i’ll see if i can
it’d get the word gets out of you
sought quicker
today than it ever has before
screech really couldn’t have pulled it off if he
started out
today yeah yeah
now back in the day yeah we got the tour bit
steve i was
doing pretty good though he’s just got thrown on
stage but i bet he’s
funny yeah it’s
crazy did you
throw yourself
right on stage or did you kind of do like a
i don’t know like
small places
first i’m still doing that now i’m
still like working up the act i’m not like
going out and playing how long you been doing that
just since before christmas
and you told me friday
night when i talked to you that you were
gonna do 40 minutes i did
yeah i did set it
ucb i did i
guess i did almost
fifty minutes wow and
for how long you’ve been doing comedy
since december before christmas yeah so just a few
months yeah a few
months and you did
forty fucking minutes or an hour
almost but forty
did about i
think they said between
forty five and
fifty minutes holy shit dude that’s incredible yeah
so are you just
doing math and writing constantly no it’s
just like i kept just
going down and
doing like doing some sets of
place near my my
apartment and
bunch of other like
these sort of
alternative comedy shows downtown
and just sort of saying well you know
every time i get up i’ll
do like 20 minutes of new
stuff wow wow
so i’ll try and
write 20 minutes of new
stuff for each time i get up
now when you write do
you sit down and go okay
today i’m gonna write
stand up and do you just like go through the newspaper
or do you have some ideas that you’ve already
developed or you already
considered rather
it be kinda like just i i actually
started like make keeping a few notes as i was like
going through the day or also just keeping
ideas in my head for something that i thought might be
funny sometimes
would be something that came up on the news you know
you know it was
weird but i wouldn’t i kind of
decided that i wasn’t
gonna do what i did when i was a kid i was gonna
write stuff out word for word i was just gonna like
have ideas about things that i
areas that i thought were funny
think it through my head
about what what i would want to cover
i’d have some jokes in my head
and i make notes or
point form notes i wouldn’t let myself write
out the jokes in
whole just point form
and to try and keep it from feeling like i was
like reading a monologue
right yeah like doing a theat
doing like you
know i didn’t want it to feel like acting
yeah that is the
trick of comedy
i very rarely
write out jokes in like you
know so the
other day i’m at the zoo
i very rarely do that i mean i’m almost
never every now
and then i do it as a goof like as a practice
like i’ll sit
instead of right just writing
just random
i’ll sit and go okay i’m
gonna try to
write a bit and i’ve done it i’ve done it a few times
but most of the time i just
write i just sit down
and i’ll write for
and a lot of it might be
depressing and
apocalyptic and then it’ll be one
fucking one paragraph
chunk and i’m like holy shit that’s a bit you know
3 000 words or
here’s this one paragraph that i bet that’s a bit
know so do you do you do that do you just
write randomly or do you
write like specific
like how do you like when you sit down to write
it’s i guess
i’m weird because that just
lot of times the
the german fit will be just something that i’ve said
like in conversation all the time you know i did it too
like something
you know something
says man i’ll just like
i’ll go off and i’ll go off
for a few minutes on something and i go that’s funny
yeah i can work that into something and
you just have to remember it
worse is when
you’re in the middle of a conversation like stop
please don’t talk
i’m gonna write this
down before i forget it you know yeah
now i have to pee can i do that
sure yeah can
i get right in there should i
bring this with me no
go right ahead okay just walk
right down there
you guys go
we’re gonna fill the time
brian actually
has recently
started doing
stand up comedy as well and
our fucking feed
froze on ustream
but what else is new
people are constantly complaining about that
you know i don’t
think you stream
is designed for a couple thousand people at a time
right yeah i don’t know what it is
i don’t really know well we have
brian anyway what i was saying
brian fucking killed it this weekend in brea
you hit a new milestone this weekend new
step give me
some new step up and
definitely figured something out the
saturday show on
we were talking
about how interesting it is that he gets this
weird opportunity to do stand up
where he did
stand up a bunch of years ago and
did the bob hope joke
that we’ve all talked
about on the podcast before
if you haven’t
heard the joke he got up in
front of a room full of old people and said do you
think when bob hope died they flew out his body to
entertain all the dead
troops to iraq
you know and
it bombed so bad he stopped doing
stand up for
like five years more than that actually i was thinking
about that the timing i
think was more
because it was when bob hoped i was was like 200
three i don’t remember but then i didn’t get back
until like this
year so well you did a little bit at one
point in time remember i mean i
threw you up in atlanta
you went up oh
right right
right yeah you got a new
girlfriend and you quit
again yeah that was like for like a
month or two i did it
relationships
would get you yeah relationships
would get you and then you just
wouldn’t have the time yeah well
right now i can’t even imagine
being in that same relationship
cause i pretty much do
stand up once or
twice a night now and i
have podcast on top of it like i’ve been up this is my
second podcast
today i have another one
right after this you seem so much happier too
but not just
yeah not just
being out of the relationship but
you’re getting a chance to express yourself
now in a way that you didn’t get a chance to do before
back then all you
could do is make your
funny videos
right that’s what
and that you know
making those videos
to killed me
i mean that
sitting in front of by yourself editing for
you know till five in the morning every
night just and then you did that all week that that’s
as creative as that is it’s such a slow process
and it makes you just
like i was not talking to anybody i think
part of the problem is that you’re a real
perfectionist you know we just took like some of these
things and edit them together sort of like the way dana
white guy does it for his
video blogs
like we should put a
video together of something like i
don’t know if you saw on twitter i put up
on twitter i put a tweet
video of you going on
stage last night
i think we just need to keep on doing that shit
you know what i
mean at all
i’ll find it and i’ll retweet
it yeah we need to do more videos
when i originally hired
brian that’s what his job was right
a video guy yeah
podcast co host
slash stand up comedian
we’re getting more listeners with podcasts than the
videos way more
but i think you have an immense
talent when it comes to editing
video that you know i mean just not being served
brian has actually
just started doing
stand up himself
he did it a long time ago and took a
bunch of years off and then
got back into it again so
you know that’s why i thought this
subject is very fascinating to me that the
starting of the routine
do you feel comfortable on stage yeah
as i said it’s
weird because
i took 30 years off
doing stand up
you know how
and it is feeling comfortable because
i know in the past when i’ve liked done hosting gigs
i’ve always felt a little phony
you know right
like i’m like i’m
impersonating someone doing
stand up yeah
and so i think coming at it with a looser format
like going on
stage and just
trusting myself to have
areas that i want to go into and
trusting myself to be funny
uh is has been fun
you know it’s been fun
to go up and like find out what the bits are on stage
yeah in a lot of ways
yeah and that is the
thing about
stand up is like there’s a totally different
thing when it’s in
front of a live audience and you’re trying to get
laughs and your
voice is amplified
and they’re all there you feel
their energy looking
at you and you know different synapses fire yeah
well if you were in a social setting
and someone talked for 45 minutes straight without
letting anyone else talk you
would just think even no matter how
entertaining they were
you’d be like what an asshole
you know i talk
about this on
stage it’s the most
ridiculous i say that
stand up is the most
ridiculous job you
could ever want to have i
wanna be the only one who talks for an hour
and i wanna have my
voice amplified way
above everyone else’s and i
wanna be lit
yeah it would be well lit
while everyone else is in the dark
it’s also weird just
cause like growing
up i was always the person trying to make everyone
laugh though i was like
the you know
that was what i love doing is trying to make people
laugh like in my high
school and middle
school and stuff like that so i kind of see like
class clown
comedian type
thing i see that also it’s not
where it’s not like trying to
take over everybody and be on a
microphone stand you’re just trying to make people
happy there’s
most certainly a
bunch of different types of people that become
stand up comedians you know there’s
you know i mean to say that it always comes from one
place that’s not really true like yeah
i had felt it
just never comes from a good
place no exactly
because you
never a huge
vista of bad
places i had always
felt like for a long time like there was something
about me that wasn’t legitimate
that i wasn’t a
legitimate comic
because i wasn’t
the same guy as everybody else i wasn’t
afraid of people i
grew up doing martial arts and fighting
and i went from
fighting you know
to stand up and then it was like this weird
thing like i’m
what am i this weird jock
thing that’s doing comic
who the fuck am i
what is but
it doesn’t just life has to suck
and then you have to make
funny out of the suck
you know your life
could suck in all kinds of
weird ways you know
like joe pete johansson’s life suck was
his father used to beat the fuck out of him you know
and everybody’s as different mine was you know being
abandoned by my father you know everybody does have
their own little
weird thing that you’re trying to make up for with that
exorbitant amount of attention you request on stage
you know yeah
but if you don’t do if you don’t have some fucking
weird need you
never really get there
you know i don’t know anyone
i mean it’s
and i shouldn’t
say this because of course it’s possible
for someone to be a
great comedian with a happy
childhood it must be
i mean if you’re just really
smart and figure it out
but i’ve never met that i just don’t know um
yeah today’s my name
my childhood is pretty good
i mean my biggest problem is bullies and just
shit like that
but even that
is a big issue
family wise yeah dude that’s the
only reason why i got into martial arts i didn’t get
into martial arts because i wanted to risk my fucking
brain cells and go out there i was terrified of
other kids i
moved around a lot when i was a kid and we
moved everywhere
basically every
three years we move to a new place yeah
i did that too yeah
that’s another
thing i mean
you don’t have a stability
you don’t feel
stable so you feel this need to
express yourself exorbitantly you know you have to
you know get more attention than you deserve you know
yeah i had a
drunk dad who
was also diagnosed as borderline personality disorder
jesus yeah fuck
dude i found that
when my wife has play with
that told my mom
well she’s been
diagnosed with borderline personality disorder
mom goes oh that’s what they said your dad had
oh my god really must
so you breach all
these subjects on stage
yeah yeah yeah
i’d say it’s probably
about maybe 25
of it’s like about
my personal life and
stuff another
and then maybe more
maybe maybe 35
if you’re free
and then the rest is about
you know life
about life yeah
that other thing your free wednesday
night and you want to go up to
at the joe show we have oh yeah we’re doing this
thing at sal’s comedy hole
we’re doing it pretty much
every wednesday night in
hollywood it’s a really tiny club this
great guy owns
he’s this guy
he owned a club in new york and then he
opened up a
small one in la
and it got closed down
cause he didn’t have a liquor license
so now he’s got a new one on melrose and
there’s a bakery
behind it and he owns that as well and they’re gonna
close that down and
it’s gonna be a huge
place so right now it’s only like uh
ninety eighty
or ninety six
yeah fucking
great place it’s
right on melrose like
now rose and fuller
so i love you
wanna do that yeah it’s fun it’s
fun i’m doing
yeah are you getting um news
radio fans like what kind of
what kind of people do you guys
well it’s been like yeah it’s been like uh
i mean a lot of this well
most of the sets i’ve done i’ve done unannounced
so far except for
these sets i’ve done at
ucb and when you did that ucb
what was that one the
ocb i guess it was
a lot of kids in the hall news radio fans
definitely that you know they know all
about the show
that must be great a
great environment to like what we were saying
about brian is
brian people know him from the podcast now
so even when he went upstage in
brea this weekend they all
cheer and went
crazy for him
so it’s like even though you’re learning
they like you it’s
good to have that yeah it’s good to have that welcome
yeah i’m cheating yeah
cheat code yeah
it’s definitely good you’re in god mode
you know but
again you know but then
again that last that buys you
about thirty seconds
right it’s true yeah it’s true when i was
on fear factor i
would dread
meeting fear factor fans but always be
happy when someone said they love news radio
yeah yeah it’s like you know
i hate you and your prostitution gig but
you were awesome when you were doing that
other thing no
fear fact it was always just
funny to me because it was all the way through news
radio you always said
next gig i do is just
called joe gets paid i don’t give a fuck what it is
it’s just me blowing it dude i don’t give a fuck
as long as it’s just joe gets paid
i was recruiting everyone i was like yeah
we’re just gonna
drink coffee
and we’re just
gonna run the cameras and it’s
gonna be called joe gets paid
yeah yeah just
ridiculous it really
wound up happening it’s like the secret man
i manifested it
you sent the message out to the universe i did
dude i believe in that man
yeah i believe you can do that
did you have any
experience with people who were hooked on the
secret do you remember when i
became a huge
yeah and not so much it was like
i remember mostly i remember it was like
my well my ex wife chrissy
she went she was like wanted to see the the film and i
said well all right but it’s
and people talk you know people talk about the
well it’s scientific
and i’d have
there’s nothing fucking scientific about it
it’s complete bullshit it’s like
it’s like rodney allen
rippy fucking
power positive thinking bullshit it’s like
you know and it’s like if you really think that so
yeah so every
child dies of starvation
just wasn’t putting out enough positive energy
you know i had an argument with a friend of mine
that was so
into it so into it i go okay you ready for this
babies die in drive bys
what’s going on there yeah are they manifesting the
wrong reality that’s one
they’re not
sending a positive energy to the universe they’re
not they’re not you know what they’re not really
thinking about what they want out of life
it’s so ridiculous and so culty but the fascinating
thing is you know that
it’s confirmation bias like you’re
only looking at what you what what supports your case
yeah and there’s a bunch of people that are
successful and they’re saying well
i envisioned it and that’s how i became
successful yeah
we’re the fucking people
that envisioned it and they’re poor as shit right now
and they’re
going i don’t get it what’s happening it’s like
you’re only
using the people that are
successful yeah
you got to show me a dude who’s fucking starving
and then you
apply it to him and then he goes out in the
world and then you come back
in 15 years and go okay well look the guys are
successful and
you got to show me at
least a thousand
people more yeah you
got if you take a hundred you got to have at
least more than 50 of them
yeah succeed
for it to be
you know statistically meaning one out of a thousand
you know and that one is wants to let you know the
secret that it’s all simple
you just gotta
think positive
it’s like any religion
you know it’s like any religion
where people want to believe
that they can do something
that will give them
power over the rest of
creation yeah
you know the rest of creation is
gonna somehow fall into line with
their wishes
because they prayed to god
or they sent out positive energy
you know i think it’s fascinating
though and it’s very unfortunate that this craze
is so discredited and so
the place where they’re coming from is so illogical
because the concept of
thinking healthy
and positive is very important for formulating
a good life for
figuring out
how to be connected to the
right kind of people and how to send the
right kind of energy out
so that you you foster
healthy relationships and
what you’re doing and
pursuing in life is something that you get
motivation out
of or rather that you get satisfaction out of
yeah i’m feeling
yeah having a positive outlook
is healthy it
is better for you
you know i mean you know
jesus i mean
i think living with my
first wife you know
it was just negative
about everything
everything was negative
it is horrible for you yes
and i’ve been there i’ve been
there many times in relationships and in friendships
i’ve had friendships
where the people were negative and you’re like
you get away from them it’s like you’re
catching your breath you’re like
what is this person doing to me they’re fucking they’re
draining me they’re doing something to me
so it’s definitely positive
yeah being positive that part is
great yeah and
there is science
behind that yes they’re keeping a positive attitude
keeps you healthier keeps your immune
system functioning better
i’ve seen it i’ve seen positive and negative
thinking during a dmt trip
i had a during a
psychedelic trip i had this
weird moment
where i was
thinking all
these negative
things because
psychedelic
trips are just so out of control they’re so beyond
bizarre and they’re so
incredibly like
like self examinatory
if that’s not even a word but you know you’re so
introspective you’re looking at
so many different
aspects of your life like at a million
miles an hour that
you can you can get like
a negative thought and they can blow away and that’s
where bad trips come from
yeah so in the middle of this negative thought this
i saw this dmt is a very visionary
psychedelic
experience and you have a
weird black
dark fucking
nasty dark green and dark
black patterns and
colors and then
in the middle of it i realized
what i was doing i realized that i was being negative
and i took a deep breath and i let go and
i became positive decided to
think positive and
it blossomed like flowers in
front of me and
the colors changed
and they all became bright and beautiful
and vibrant
and it became
light and the patterns became beautiful
and i was like wow this is like a lesson i’m
learning from a
psychedelic
experience about
the real physical manifestation of negative
and positive thoughts that they actually have a real
effect well
fact they said
that if you just
force yourself to smile
you can reduce
depression yeah
like your depression will fade a little not
all the way if you’re really depressed but if you can
force yourself to smile
yeah i really like put on a big demo like
you just keep it there long enough
it’ll help your
brain reacts as though you’re happy
yeah your brain
starts to release the same chemicals it
would if you were actually
happy it’s amazing
and it’s like so it’s like you know
the mind body
connection is true it really is real
what we are is the most fascinating organic
computer that’s ever been created
and we don’t have a fucking single book
on how to use the operating
system correctly
just the bible joe just the
bible yes i mean
we are all we are all raised by people who are
completely clueless as to how to
raise someone
i mean almost
every one of us
yeah and so we develop and you can get in
these patterns of
thinking that your parents have you know it’s like
you know if you grow up around like
mrs rogan has a very negative parents
especially her mom her mom had a very hard life
and her mom is one of
those that you can’t tell her a good
thing well this is just
gonna happen it’s just gonna fall
apart and what happens here
and then what happens there
and you know
and jessica
whoops her name
has managed to avoid it
but for the most part it’s
it’s like if you if you develop in a family a
household that a
bunch of negative
motherfuckers
like that shit can
it becomes like a
like a path that you get on it becomes a
track you know
you’re on this
track i grew up in family
where everyone else might like
actually my
older brother’s not
that way but the rest of my family they’re always like
well whatever you do the
system’s gonna get you
you know it’s like it’s
stacked against you this you can’t win
you know like
that’s you know i
think part of that is my
mother was working
class english
and that’s way that
you know all working
class english
are raised you know
so you know well
try what you
will but you really can’t get away from it you know
it’s all stacked
against you so
goddamn difficult to manufacture an awesome environment
you know it’s been one of my main
focuses as a
grown up as an adult
is to try to manufacture
the most positive
atmosphere possible both
in work and friendships and relationships and
everything that i do
try to like
steer it towards the most positive
place possible
you know and so you can your life
can be really fucking awesome if you do that correctly
and it can suck real bad if you don’t
yeah yeah you know but the secret
not too much is
bullshit well it
sounds i mean i
believe that
anything that makes you feel like you have
any control over your destiny is an illusion because
you know people
think well i you know i make good choices so good
things happen
and i go well that’s
still just pure luck because
every single day you are tied up in a
chain reaction of millions
of choices that are being made all around you every day
and all it has to be is one of
those choices be
someone wants to
shoot you in the head
right and that’s the choice that’s
gonna shape your destiny
yeah so and any day that someone doesn’t
shoot you in the head
you know it’s just luck
or a guy with a vest wants to blow up a cafe
where you’re writing your novel yeah
or somebody
sneezes while dry
thing and goes over the
curve yeah or texas
slams into you and you die
yeah for sure yeah i’ve
been considering this idea over the last few years
especially that the entire
life that we
live is sort of like a mathematical program
it’s like this
giant algorithm that’s
far too complex
for us to really wrap our heads around it
but that all
these different motions and all these
emotions and actions and all
these different
things and circumstances
they’re actually
really like integers that it’s already
a part of something that’s creating
something else it’s like information theory yeah
yeah it was the idea
that the universe is nothing but information it’s just
that the universe the entire universe is just
an information storage device
it makes sense i mean
when you look at the direction that
humanity is in is another
thing that’s
absolutely fascinating to me i’m
completely fascinated with the idea of the singularity
and with the idea of you know i mean even
the idea of end times
the idea of an
apocalyptic scenario you know
you look at like what
human beings are doing i equate
human beings to being some
weird sort of a caterpillar
that doesn’t know it’s
gonna turn into a butterfly
so we are absolutely obsessed with the newest
greatest technological
innovations and
eventually that’s
pushing to a certain direction and that direction is
some sort of a redefinition of life as we know it
yeah i think i was thought that eventually the
earth itself
would develop its own consciousness if it
doesn’t already have you know
yeah it may already there’s actually a theory called
the theory of the noosphere
which is that the
earth is enveloped in a
just like the stratosphere that there’s a noosphere
which is a sphere of knowledge
of information
and that this noosphere
exists around the
earth and that
people can tap into it
yeah well not even
just around the
earth that it’s a dimension around you all the time yes
the idea of the
muse is that what you’re really doing when
you’re being
completely creative is that you are just an antenna
to pull in all this information that’s what
tesla had said
tesla who’s
the greatest inventor ever
was believed that he was receiving signals from
other life forms that were
giving him this information and now of course the weird
thing is that
physicists are
starting to toy with
these ideas yeah
the idea of
entanglement and the idea of
sure the idea
of consciousness being non local
yeah you know
that your entire body is actually a sort of some
weird sort of an antenna
and that you know the hormones and
you know adrenaline and all
these different
things and you run
all the biological instincts
that are there to keep the physical body alive
are no it’s no more than like maintenance
cycles that you have to run on a bmw yeah
well there’s a lot have you read
about the princeton did this huge
multi year study of
mine machine interface
no but basically that attention affects machines
and they did
these studies where
they used a
random number generator oh okay i did hear
about those yeah and they just
had a random number generator and they had people just
focus not anything specific just
focus on the machine itself
the more and the more people
focused on the machine
the less random the machine became it became really
started having non
random patterns
human consciousness is something we
completely don’t
understand there’s there’s there’s
there’s energy that comes out of people sometimes
that is absolutely
tangible we just don’t have a device to measure it well
the other thing they did they set up
these random number
generators all around the world
and so they set them all around the
world and then just coincidentally
9 11 happened
because they had a theory that if
large numbers of people were
thinking about the same event
that that would have a larger impact on
these machines
and they found
the correlation they found that
at the time of 9 11
when you know the
towers fell
these machines all around the
world started
generating non
random sequences of numbers
wow and what does that mean just that
they don’t really
the only know is this is like the men that
their attention
is that just the
effect of everyone
paying attention to the same event
affected these machines
okay so what you’re saying is that all
these people were supposed to be
paying attention to the machines and then the event
of 9 11 happened and because it was such a huge event
all these people were
focusing on that and then the numbers
stopped being
random the event
yeah just all the fact that people were all
focused on the same event
affected these machines
wow it’s crazy
yeah that’s a fascinating shit yeah and they
found it the same
thing they actually also
found out that
in canada was in canada the
prime minister
trudeau’s funeral
from canada
that when his son was giving the eulogy that there was
an effect cause
you had almost
every single person in canada
listening to the
speech you know
you know the idea
is really fascinating to me
you’re familiar with
ray kurzweil
do you know that yeah
yeah similarities near
you know he’s
the number one proponent of the
idea of the intelligent computer eventually taking over
yeah and that’s what he
deems a singularity to be and what he
thinks is that
what immortality is
gonna be is you’re
gonna be able to download your
consciousness into some sort of a computer yeah and
you know it
sounds completely ridiculous
until you start
thinking about the
what the fuck
is consciousness and what if they can recreate it
you know what if you can recreate
and create an artificial version
of consciousness
down to the
point of it being non
local down to the
point of this
computer that you’ve created being
an antenna to tune in
this new sort of consciousness yeah
well it was
i remember once
they were talking about
that if computers continue to advance to the
right they’re doing i don’t
know if it was chris well
it puts forward to it the idea that
that eventually they’ll be a computer
powerful enough to have
stored in its memory banks
every single event
that has occurred
since the big bang
which mean like
every event in
every human being’s life every
every interaction of matter
throughout the universe
could be stored on a single computer
and could be
extrapolated
based on the current events and
and he said that the program itself
would not be able to distinguish itself
from the original
wow so each of us
would be programmed into this computer’s memory bank
and the program
of us would not be able to distinguish itself
from the original
which means that
right now we
might already be that program
a billion years in the future
so we may very well be some sort of a parallel
reality but we
may have lived our actual
carbon based life
a billion years ago
and right now we
might just be
the computer program being run a billion years later
whoa what a mind fuck
i saw a trip yeah
i saw a glitch in the
matrix the other day and this is kind of like this
i was outside and it was the moon and there was
these clouds
going over it
after a rainstorm right
and have you ever seen like on
satellite tv
where darker
scenes like
blacks and grays they’re not just
black or gray that’s kind of like
blocky like boxes
i was looking at that
and it was doing that
and i’m like
why am i seeing blocky
your eyes are programmed
to see that i don’t know yeah
do i see so much computer and tv that i
was doing but it was really like i was staring at going
there’s no reason
those are squares
those are blocks
like the shadowing was off
and i’m thinking wait a
second this
is some kind of glitch my friend
my friend duncan hit me with the
ultimate mind fuck once and that is the theory that you
that your life like as the
world gets more
and more fucked up and more more chaotic and you worry
about the future of the world
that’s really your own mortality that you’re
tripping on that you have created this entire
universe around you
and even though
it seems real because there’s a
bunch of people in your life that also seem real
they exist in your
dream as much as you exist in
theirs and it’s all some sort of a
symbiotic connection
but that you live and are reborn constantly and then
every time something happens to you whether it’s some
sort of a fucking
car accident
some you die in a
building collapse anything that happens
you immediately
forget on forget it and you are
transported into another situation
where you already have this life going on
and you just step in
and just keep
going and then it never ends
and there is no death
and it’s just a constant cycle
until you get your shit together
until you completely and totally evolve and
and that this illusion
that you’ve been around for
you know 40 years or 50 years it’s all nonsense
you’ve been around forever
you’ve been around forever that’s the old soul
notion yeah
we have a very
limited amount of memories that we can access
about this life that we’re pretty sure happened
yeah you know
yeah and none of them that we can
access during the sleep time
just imagine if someone came up with a drug
that would allow you to remember your
sleep and details
remember your
dreams in absolute i
wouldn’t want to see half the
show i went
fucking all
ari was talking
today how he had a
dream the other day
about having sex with his
sister and i’m like oh
see that’s the kind
of shit i don’t want to even know that i’m dreaming
about you know yeah
did he say it was good yeah
he said it came a couple of times
nice so dave if anybody wants to go see you perform
where can they how
can they get a hold of you i know your twitter is dave
s foley f o l e y
yeah and how can
they get a hold of you do you have a website no i don’t
well i’ve got facebook but that’s kind of useless we’re
gonna have to get a day
fully website if you’re
gonna do stand up
right now just the twitter and
and so the plan is to
do some gigs put together
a set and then
go touring and then yeah and then actually
start playing actual comedy clubs
are you ready i mean do you felt like you did this
thing the other
night how it had to go
it went well it was like
i underestimated
the amount of
stuff that i had in my notes
so i was like
about 15 minutes shy
when i got you know then i went all
right and so i
just sort of pulled out some
other stuff
i was working on okay
but i had like notes
that i hadn’t timed out so i decided
well i think this is gonna be
about 45 minutes of
stuff right in
these notes it turned out to be half an hour
yeah yeah and
so then i had to
quickly just
grab another bit that i hadn’t
planned to do as well as i
could remember it
and then improvise a little did you record your set
yeah yeah so
your main motivation
initially was just financial
but now you’re
enjoying it
yeah i’m enjoying it it feels good to
i’ve never been a person
who really craves performing
you know you know i can
enjoy it but i
never like i
never get this
thing oh i got to be on stage
but i’ve been yeah it’s been really fun
especially because it’s been such a dark horrible
year and a half this past year and a half
fuck is you know it’s amazing you saying that because
it was dark and horrible when i knew you in ninety four
and this is
yeah and that
was nothing like this last year and a half has been the
worst year and a half of my life
fuck like really i’m
you know it’s you know it’s it’s i’m
not exactly
gonna say i
if i hadn’t gotten through it i
wouldn’t have been surprised you know
wow you know
it was that so you thought
about oh yeah suicide
oh tons tons times
fuck most of the time
you know well you have my number now yeah
don’t do that oh no i wouldn’t
why couldn’t do it you know the main
thing was and it wasn’t even
like not like
i’m gonna prevent
your suicide
what a ridiculous
you have my number now we
have no more concerns yeah
but really i mean
i have a eight year old daughter
seven year old
daughter she’ll be
eight soon right
is that gun and is that
thing i’ve gone
hurt her so badly oh god
you know and that was that was the only
thing you know my
teenagers i figured they really
wouldn’t care too much
you know do you
do you exercise at all
huh do you exercise obviously not well
i’m gonna start
yeah yeah yeah
well actually
cause i just
you know now i’m actually feeling pretty good
stand up is making me feel better
sure like so
so huge rush
you know and
great just being on
stage and being
funny remembering
the reason i
started doing this the reason that i like doing it is
that it’s fun
it’s fun and it’s you’re creating positive energy and
a positive environment you’re giving someone something
and you’re changing their
state yes and i just booked a
pilot which
is nice nice with a show called how to be a gentleman
nice which is
a good script and
funny and so obviously
the secret does work
i put out some positive energy
and now i gotta show well
maintaining your body is so important your body can
trick you and
your body can
betray you whenever there’s times of stress
all those chemicals
they think you’re
gonna have to
fight off a cheetah or something
you know what i mean
your chemicals
don’t realize that oh you’re just dealing with a
legal entanglement so it’s
like and i’ve
spent most of my life
going okay buddy can you take this you know
if i neglect you and
abuse you this way yeah right
so what do you plan
on doing like yoga or something like that what do you
what’s the idea for working out
just getting on
getting on an exercise like
i actually joined the gym i
haven’t been
you know but i actually have joined like you know
a gym downtown
iphones make
it so fucking fascinating it makes it so much better
put on a podcast and
know a lot of people listen to this podcast
there’s probably
people ironically at the gym struggling through it
right now listening to you
on their iphone i know there are then i’m
sorry about the middle part of this conversation
that helps to
pump harder
i get probably
listen man other people’s trauma
and struggles it’s
beneficial you can
learn from that
yeah you can
learn a lot of
stuff just drink a lot like i did
and hide it
you don’t go through
nothing man
you have a couple fucking cats and a dog you have no
entanglements you have no worries
i’m a single mom what are you talking
about i have to fucking take my
last night i got
pretty drunk and i
had to wake up at 8 am to let my dog out and sit
there with the
worst hangar i felt like puking
and go back to bed
for a while
baby this motherfucker took malaria
medication and went to morocco no
i’m saying i’m saying
like it’s like i’m a full time single mom man
it’s fucking
annoying that’s you’re a
little baby
and you need
to join the marines
you’re a baby and you need to join the fucking marines
right you need to
learn some discipline
yeah i got up at 8 am and i had
to open the
doors my dog can pee
yeah that’s set up there anyone
anyone yeah
no having pets
it really is nothing like having children yeah it is
absolutely nothing like i leave my
dogs outside all the time i don’t give a fuck
you can’t leave that
kid anywhere
no that’s the thing you
learn when you do have kids is like you know
you really realize oh my pets
i love them
but they’re disposable they can die
they can die now and
and i’ll feel bad for a day
you know for that you know
at least it wasn’t me
yeah you know
at least it wasn’t
me or my family yeah but it’s amazing when i see women
just suppressing
that maternal instinct with children but they have a
bunch of fucking cats or dogs or something
like that yeah they
are my children no they aren’t your children they don’t
they have a
flashlight too
yes bitch yeah
we’re out of trouble
you’re talking about
yeah if you lie
still too long they’ll eat you yeah so
if people want to get a hold of you
davis foley
on twitter and you will be updating people as to
where they could see you doing
stand up yes yeah
how often are you
gonna be doing this um
i’m i’m getting
out getting at
least a cup a couple times a week
i’m gonna be doing more come wednesday
getting it more i’d like to do the ones yeah you want
to come with
the fun it’s really supportive
crowd because i’m
gonna do set
i’m doing doug benson show his
doug benson loves movies
oh yeah i’ve done that
before that’s
great yeah i’m doing that tomorrow and then
after that i’m
going out to do a set but i can’t remember
where see that’s
wednesday doug’s
gonna be doing it too
so yeah doug does it all
the time and of course yeah so come by
if you can and anyway
listen i just want to tell you
i’ve worked with a lot of people over my life
over the course
of my life and you were one of my favorite
human beings that i’ve ever met
working with you was a huge pleasure
and i really don’t
think that you get nearly
as much credit as you deserve for newsradio i don’t
think it would have ever been what it was without you
i when i say that you were responsible for half of what
happened on that show i’m not exaggerating i know you
think you i am
but you just don’t remember
you know we were the
secret producer of news
radio you know
and you’re just a brilliant guy and i’m glad you
came on the
you know i love you very much you know
you know so it’s
great to see you you know
you know this is fun
do you love
brian do you love
brian not yet
not yet but i’m willing to i’m willing
to love brian
willing to try we can hate
women together
and i love he
doesn’t hate
women dude i
love a couple of them couple
crazy ones and he hates
their disease
he doesn’t hate them yeah
all right and
thanks to the
flashlight for
sponsoring the podcast if you go to joebrogan
net and click the link
that’s up there you can
enter in the code name brogan you get 15
off we offered to
counts on our sex toys bro that is
great that’s how we rob it
it won’t cost you
money for the rest of your life it also
keeps people from taking this podcast too seriously no
if we offer up any controversial
revolutionary
ideas like yeah they’re sponsored by a rubber pussy
so this weekend
actually i got two shows in
australia at
rudy hill the rsl club
and the first one sold out the
second one i
still think there’s a few
tickets that available so
you australian freaks
get on that shit and then
next week next wednesday we’ll be back at sales
again and gonna
have another podcast this week probably tomorrow but it
might be wednesday
and i’ll keep you bitches informed
so thank you everybody for
tuning in and
thank you for everybody for coming out to brea
this weekend we had a
great fucking time
and that’s it
thank you dave foley
thank you everybody thank you
thank you all you bitches at home love you kisses
the joe rogan experience