The Joe Rogan Experience #85 - Ari Shaffir

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the jog mog experience

ladies and gentlemen

live on a live on a plane productions presents

the second edition of

podcast on a plane

i’m here with

my man the one and only mr ari shafir

we are on a plane

coming back from sydney australia

to la it’s gonna take us 12 hours in space yeah

it’s a fun trip

we had a great fucking time

yeah it was awesome sitting pretty badass

we put on impromptu show last night that was the

highlight of

the trip that was kind of fun yeah that was

a trip after if no one was there

after we did it we

did two shows like an hour outside of sydney

and then they had the

ufc you see

ended like five

so we like let’s just do another show yeah

why not yeah

and we were we did this show in rudy hill

which is like

about an hour outside of sydney

and there was

um you know

it’s like quite a hall

there’s a lot

of people i’m sure that didn’t want to make that trip

you know we didn’t have the opportunity to do like

a place in sydney itself

so to do that on

you know on

sunday night it was pretty badass is good

after the fights

it was fun and we’re both in the same spot

where it’s like i’m too

tired why do we do why

do we do this yeah

worn out yeah

that’s like oh yeah

stand up we like

that yeah and then when we got there you know the

everybody was really cool was a fun

crowd it was it was enthusiastic and everybody

realized that this is kind of

crazy thing that we all

we were all a part of some

crazy thing we all pulled together

in a couple of

hours this is twelve

hours yeah i called jules at nine a m yeah

and we had a show at eight yeah

it’s 11 hours

later it’s pretty

crazy yeah and we did it all through twitter

just all i did yeah

so i know i put it on my message

board too um

but twitter is

where it’s at

it’s a good

crazy little text on

somebody like that not

still a comedy club up in a few

hours you get there

dark night they never

they never open on sunday

you know the fact that you

can do that like it’s so cool that you can just fucking

reach out to people like that you know

dana white is

really into that he uses that a lot with the usc

with tickets i’ve always thought of

going down into his little

he’s a scavenger hunt

you know how does he do that like if anyone can find me

i’m in somewhere in century city and then

they’ll be like i’m at the old navy and whoever

first find it like two free tickets

yeah wow it makes it very easy to stock him

super easy to stop there

is it might

the easiest

stocking target ever

well that’s funny

yeah well it’s fucking

it’s an amazing social networking tool

you know that you can actually do that it’s

there’s never been a time in history where

you know a guy like you

are an independent canadian

can you know put together a twitter list of

you know twenty

thirty thousand people and out of that in any

given city there’s gonna be a couple hundred

say hey i’m doing a show

you know and

two hundred people from austin

show about your show

it’s really that simple it’s an amazing

way of connecting

with people yeah you told me that last week at brea

you were like

couldn’t figure out

what chris rock what

movie that was from

that he was in that he

asked yeah that’s right

they’ll tell you immediately

they’ll tell you

yeah it was we were asking

about there was a chris rock bit

that he used to do in his act that he did in a

movie we couldn’t figure out what movie was

was he wanted

to do to his bargaining let me get one rib

yeah yeah and

we so we put it on twitter and

seconds later

it’s amazing yeah like

twelve right answers and someone else was

wrong and fourteen more

right answers

crazy people just

happy to help out

you know and just that’s all i have to do is

throw it out there man

this is never been a time like this

you know every

other comedian

every other

generation needed

radio stations tv

stations and all that

stuff still helps

but it’s never been like this

where you can just do it all on your own somebody nick

was tell me once it was like they’re

gonna move the big day on

movies from friday to saturday

in terms of like

industry like what it means to

their overall like how much i’m

gonna get because they said

the social networking everyone gets so fast

i’m sorry they’re gonna

forget saturday and make it all friday

because people get the word so fast

it’s like in real time

people are saying it and the word is getting out so


sucks yeah people will know


and saturday

will be dead

that’s an interesting

thing isn’t it

because i mean how many times like back in the day

before there was like internet reviews

did you go see some shitty

movie you just

got unlucky that nobody told you it sucked

yeah no one

who else saw it nobody

their brothers are

it’s amazing when you look at

movies just

just from a few decades ago it’s amazing how much

social evolution you see

how much the

movies of twenty

thirty years ago

they’re so bad like so many of them are so awful

that you say there’s no way

people could not have realized it was this

awful back then

but here’s the deal

they didn’t they didn’t because

things weren’t

it wasn’t the same

standard of judgment that that you

think we all

got smarter

more interesting and

therefore that was interesting back then but now we

can all relate to

that it was too simple

movies are much more sophisticated now

we demand much more

we demand like once you hit like a

movie like apocalypse now

you can’t ever go back to

those 1950s

stupid war movies

where it looked like they were on the set and

those fake palm trees and shit the acting sucked

i had to stay on the

stage as long


acting was corny as fuck it was

never realistic you know

i saw rainman

there and that’s one of the

movies oscar

thing did you watch

it i watched it like a year ago for the

first time it’s horrible it’s terrible

yeah it’s like it’s such an over the top character yeah

i’ve got no ties to anyone

yeah clearly that guy let’s set it up in the

first five minutes i know right

it’s terrible yeah

but it seemed awesome back then

i’m sure back then that movie was a badass movie

you know something’s happened

people have evolved

there’s only a few movies that really hold up

where you can watch them

you know a few blockbusters from the 80s especially not

where you can watch them and go yeah this is

still a pretty badass movie but for the most part

don’t watch star wars

no if you want

if you want to

still love your childhood don’t watch star wars

again will be betrayed so sad

everybody was like why did star wars

three and four why they suck so bad

because the first one suck too yeah

it just didn’t suck back then

suck back then

back then it was awesome dude i saw star wars 13 times

when i was a kid

really dude i was a huge star wars fan

i want to see it over and over and over

again i would go with my friends was the

first movie that i didn’t even heard of

where people would talk

about how many times he has seen it

would have like competitions do you see

star wars ten times

i saw it thirteen times wow

i wouldn’t stop

going oh my

god i don’t remember last time i seen a movie

twice the video

is ridiculous

it’s but it’s

childish behavior

it’s something that my

daughter would do do

you love it

every time yeah

it’s only getting

tired of it

but there’s something to it

where you just for some

weird reason you just want to

watch it over and over and over again

so spastic retarded

sort of a thing

i said i was

gonna do that with inception but then i never did

with inception really

so i gotta watch it

again but then it’s like

i didn’t that

movie was too much for me

there was too much going on

i thought it was a really interesting

movie as really

they took a lot of chances and there’s a lot of unique

thoughts in it

and that the way they set up the environment

where the sky

could fold over itself and backed up

brilliant it was brilliant brilliant stuff

but it was too much of it i was like

okay this is like a

dream like cause this is like working like a

video game every time you point and

shoot the people go down like that’s dumb to me

like this is

i know i’m supposed to

accept that this is a

dream it’s hard with that

dream within a

dream stuff yeah

where you’re like

what does that mean

come on yeah

you lose my

level that and time travel

always like yeah so

what happened there and you go back and forth

you know what

freaks me out man the idea of of

being able to

transport something through the air

you know cause they’re talking

about like that star trek type shit

numbered transporters

one of those

things needs to

beam people up the flow

yeah they’re talking

about that being a real possibility someday

i mean i think they’ve done it with like

quantum objects i

think they’ve done it with with

you know with

almost immeasurably

small things

but i think they were really

thinking that one day you’re

gonna be able to

transport matter

from one paid

place to another place

and hope the

power doesn’t go out in the middle right

yeah that was always one episode

of all the star treks with somebody got lost in the

transport yeah

and that was it he was good

know where they were he’s gone yeah

the dimension that’s so

scary dude i’ll see

that what happened in our lifetime

i don’t know man i’m so

stupid i’m way too

stupid to know

yeah you know i

would just be

guessing at the top

of my ass like yes

yeah the fuck knows

i don’t understand what

would it would take to do that

i don’t understand how far they really are

real thing the real question is

once artificial intelligence

starts taking over

that’s the real

thing because then

things are gonna happen so fast there’s

gonna be so much


that yeah it

could be within our lifetime

because what artificial intelligence is

gonna be is like

they’re gonna have a computer

that can think

much much faster than a person and can

think for itself

and then once

it does that if you decide to have this computer

make new and better computers

it’s gonna make

newer better computers like instant

they’re gonna just like they’re

gonna instantly

start creating and

figuring out exactly how to do it’s gonna

accelerate way past what we’re capable of

so you know

once that happens

i made this

thing on npr

the only reason i mentioned mpr

i guess this is being

smart but um

but they were talking about

super computers that beat this jeopardy guy

oh yeah and the one

to beat the jeopardy guy

so and then the ones that beat

the chess players back in the

eighties right

blue yeah big blue

so you built this big blue to be this

chess player and at first

i think they

would beat him

the second match

was either a stalemate or what’s the name big blue

but they said that

not even a chess master but a regular good

chess player with a

simple computer can be big blue like every

time wow yeah

just some simple to calculate i don’t know i don’t

understand just enough but

kept it odd

to tell me that

they can be any sort of


chess player

i watched some

chess videos online the

other day yeah

just for a goof i was

i was online and just

flipping through different youtube videos

and i saw this

speed chess video

so i watched

these guys do it yeah it was a

world speed

chess championship

it was pretty badass because

the guy lost

cause he ran out of time

have a total amount of time yeah i

think he had two minutes i

think they have two minutes for the full game

and they’re

sometimes they’re moving

ridiculously fast

it’s so exciting because it’s got

that added element of time to it oh my god

yeah somebody

should put that on television

now i’m telling

you because just yeah because i barely know how to play

chess i know

how the moves go i know

which way they mean

i don’t know

nothing i don’t know so i take

stupid chances i get

checkmate at all

you think about this

yeah okay i’m too add

to be i’m not saying that i’m too add

playing when whenever i think about any game like chess

chest to me is just like pool

i’m scared of it i’m scared of anything that i become

massively addicted to

and i see people that get addicted to chess i would

yeah yeah some

great amazing game

amazing game

an amazing game is completely compelling

any more time for any more compelling shit in my life

no i just don’t

i can’t get hooked on something else between

jiu jitsu and pool and comedy

no i won’t let myself

i don’t let myself

i don’t allow myself to play

video games that’s why i won’t

allow myself to go online video games yes

right ben’s

always trying to get me go online like good good luck

we can play together i’m like

when i buy a game now

when it’s only

story mode yeah

you won’t see me for two weeks yeah

until i beat that game i’m not pretty much

going out i’ve overslept spots

it’s like i fall

asleep like 5 p m

like i mean just all

crazy schedule

when i overslept at 10 45 p m

that is truly a

comics life

right there yeah

you know the fact that you

could do that

do that and know how damage it is but

still like me so

funny is that everybody or do we have like

a certain personality flaw that makes us be addicted to

things like

we don’t have any real responsibility

right i go on

stage for myself and to get better overall right but

i mean if i just don’t

right i’ll be in a little trouble i

guess for for

skipping spots but not really what is it

about the games though that make you so addicted

i mean why it’s

really we’re

in danger of someone coming up with an artificial

reality that’s way more fascinating than regular

thanks for this

you know i mean

could you imagine if they figured out some sort of a

you know you know

remember with the always

thought you’d be able to wear helmets and you’d

about have a virtual

reality helmet

yeah but that

never panned out for some reason yeah

that doesn’t mean it can’t pan out still

they can’t they

might just figure out a way to do it just a year

from now or something like that it’ll all come together

it’s not like the idea was sort of

ahead of the technology

but if they do come up with the

technology that’s

in line with the idea and they come up with

amazingly ladies and gentlemen this podcast on a plane

almost never happened folks

it almost fell apart

because my iphone ran out of room

because i got a bunch of

stupid movies on this thing

you know so i had to unsink

my movie collection

because i like watching movies on my phone so

we were in the middle of doing the podcast and

even though it ran out of room it

still saved the file and uploaded it to itunes and

we were just

shocked at how good that was we looked on the actual

phone and it said

this voice memo zero

seconds like fuck did not save it at all we’re like

maybe plug it in

apple’s really good at that usually yeah

like saving stuff that you just

lou for some reason

plugging your fucking they know we’re idiots yeah i’ve

done that before where i accidentally

like let my

power go out while i was writing something and then

you you go back to it and it’s completely saved

every time yeah it’s

never had nothing yeah it’s amazing it’s there like

would you like to revert like yes

because i remember

like windows ninety five man i remember

when you know when

things just would

just shut down the middle of you working and i was it

was gone forever

no everything you worked on was gone so files

don’t you back up like shut the fuck up

back up and when you have to back up

drives remember that

these fucking

stupid one megabyte zip drives

one megabyte it’s amazing how

can a song one megabyte i know it’s fucking

crazy how like what was

what was big just a little

while ago ain’t shit

you know they have

these little cool ass keychains

that are thirty two gig usb

drives exactly

gigabyte usb

drives little tiny things man

those little little

slide in usb

drives they’re so big now

they like thirty gigs

forty gigs computer that i

still was using nine years ago

was a three and a half gig and

six and a half gigs i

added a six and a half gig to get it

i wonder what the biggest

one if there’s a

64 gig like

slide in usb

drive what is the biggest

offer slide in

yeah those little tiny ones little thumb

drives yeah i don’t

oh i know there must

be something awesome

out there for a brilliant

muscle guy the

thing is you just turn your back for a couple of weeks

and they’re you know

twice as big

no it’s weird

you know it’s like

the amount of

data you can save and a little tiny area now is so huge

thirty two gigs my phone is filled with shit

yeah it shut off yeah

but i mean it’s so

my first my

first computer the hard drive was four gigabytes

four and this is thirty two on a phone

you know well

before you know it’ll be sixty four and i was

one of the sixty four i’m hoping that one five

sixty four i bet it will

they sell movies why

would they mean

this is the reason why we have a problem

because i have all these

movies that i bought and it syncs up to it and takes up

space that doesn’t make

sense for them like financially

you think they

would want to have as much room as they can

yeah another one another one

yeah and have some

it would be nice if you had like a

storage drive too

like a little

removable one

a little 64 gig

removable one

are you selling

it out if you

want yeah why not man

they have that

in those droid

phones we have

removable ones

yeah a lot of them do a lot

of people are past

stuff from phone to

phone yeah and

that’s what people don’t like yeah

so you know what they’re

gonna be able to pass the phone

they do that bump

thing now do contacts just by being close yeah

you can’t do anything real big

i don’t think

you do like a big file yet

but yeah you’re

right that’s just a matter of time

and it’s like people know how to pull

things off the

phone put it on a computer and then just

email it to you

i mean remember when

apple got rid of

floppy drives

yes said we’re just not

was not having them

like what do you do what do you mean like

the technology will

catch up we we

should be done with these now

and then it did

you don’t need them at all anymore you need a cd for a

while and now nothing

floppy drives are so stupid

they look like

they look like something from some nineteen

fifty science fiction

you know old disc

that you stick in and there’s data on the disc

what was it one megabyte

was that what it was

you get the

three think

only like word files

were perfect so what was it if that you get

three really

three gigabyte

three megabytes really it

might have been at the end

three megabytes

maybe early

on it was different but there’s a floppy floppy that

would actually flop around so what was a what was a zip

drive was that like a hundred megabytes done

the early ones

maybe twenty five megabytes

fifty megabytes yeah

some like you get a lot of floppy deaf someone

no one ever

would have thought that you’d be able to have

movies online

just download

movies online

yeah nobody really thought that was pretty

quickly yeah

i just moved up to uverse

and it has made my illegal downloading so much easier

oh yeah hnt

uverse it’s like six

it’s like boom

oh my i’m gonna get so much more stuff now

and you have that makes your

phone line your teeth

no phone no tv i don’t do

that no so you just want at

you verse just

for the i got a tv just so i get a special deal on the

setup so they

could wave installation

and then i immediately call and said i don’t want this

wow yeah so like unhook it

so you got no tv no tv

you’re an animal dude

look at you

basic network channels about you

unconnected to the system our

issue i love

it how come

i’ve wasted so much time on that tv

so i had cable

it was crazy

and people like working just look away but it’s like

i don’t know how to explain addiction to you

yeah it’s like some people are more addicted

than others and i couldn’t look away just like goddamn

video games right

i mean that’s what we were getting into this before the

power went out

but what the hell is it

about games that get you so

addicted yeah

and i’m sure there’s people

who can be like no i’ll just play a couple couple

levels of hopefully

for thirty minutes and back to my family

it’s like i can’t

imagine yeah

you get roped in

it gets crazy like

you’re also you you play a lot of poker too

and you go and you know and you’ll play for

hours and hours

and hours sometimes

down the casino

for ten hours man

i got my headphones and my fucking

just listen to albums wow

that’s crazy

super stone

women never

understand that

they can never

understand my

mrs rogan was um

me and max i believe we’re playing pool

they’re playing pool for like fucking

eight hours and

you know she came downstairs

after eight

hours just like you guys are

still playing

like what the fuck you

guys do man

just like your mama come down with a friend

sleeping over exactly

when you get

into pool we get into get like a game of pool

where it’s like this

really precise control you’re trying to

execute you’re trying to

move these balls around and

perfect or you

literally apply

for sessions yeah

i’ve had many of those

that’s not a bending over and like it doesn’t

matter athlete

son you don’t

understand son

well no not really man

did jiu jitsu and cowbells and all that shit

i mean you get

tired at the end

but it’s like you don’t get sore

you bending over you’re supporting yourself on the

table and never bending over really

where you’re not supporting yourself

you support yourself on your bridge

yeah it’s not that

bad i’m pretty flexible so it

doesn’t bother me

but i doesn’t i don’t even think

about that all i think

about is that i’m trying to get perfect on every ball

i’m trying to figure out

exactly how much how much

force i have to exert on the cue to hit the cue ball

collide into the

object ball

and then go a couple rails off

to get in line

for the next ball and becomes an obsession

do you think you’re better six

hours in than you are

twenty minutes a

hundred percent

hundred percent

wow you better

after jose freak

used to say that he

doesn’t even get warmed up

until eight

hours into a game that he

starts there like that’s when he gets a

second money yeah

that’s when you get some stroke

it really is true man

when you play for a long long stretches

you get loose and

you get connected to the movement

like really connected to the movement of moving

a puke to you

and making a ball collide into

other balls you get

the more you do it the more you tune into the

exact force that’s required

you get really accustomed to the cue

so it’s like one of

those things

where you can’t

just play pool for five minutes i mean you can

but that’s not

where the good pool is

the good pool is five

hours real touch yeah

yeah you get in five

hours in man

you know like my friend justin from the action report

a guy that we play pool

you and i about some fucking

sessions till five

in the morning

two pool players keep

going man i

played with

you for a long time before i

played for like four or five

hours never

brian would go

crazy because he’s hanging

out with us

yeah on the road somewhere in denver show an

early stuff

all night you know it’s like why don’t we go to

let’s go this pool bar

it’s like oh

yeah good night

get mad he played pool a couple times for

those now he hates it he’d like

to play two games then you go on no no

he doesn’t well

brian’s very different

you know which is

gonna be interesting

to see what happens to him as a comedian

what kind of a comedian he’s

gonna turn into

you know because he’s got a lot of

the lot of the regular comedian

attributes neurosis

in attributes yeah

it’s interesting because he’s also done this

thing where one

i mean he’s really just

starting stand up but he

started 10 12 years ago yeah and then stopped

it’s like he’s

still in his

brain a little bit yeah

so like you know if you take a week off you

still like worked it

out a little bit not as much as if you

would go on

stage but a little bit

so he’s gotten that

and he started

again four years ago or so

so we can’t so we

still think and then he’s hanging around it’s like

saying some top top

level comedy

yeah you know

with us and around la

yeah so it’s like he’s got the bar set really high

that’s like

that be more interesting than somebody

random just

started well it’s way better than

starting in a bubble in like

you know columbus ohio

where it started

where there wasn’t really that many good

local comics yeah

yeah he’s in

the biggest

i mean there’s arguably

two places where

the best comedians

congregate it’s new york we’re going

to la that’s it

and he’s in one of those and

which one you

think is better

is arguable

i don’t know they’re both

valid responses

there’s a lot of great

comics in la and there’s a lot of

great comics in new york i mean

i think it’s probably pretty equal

i mean i think

maybe the seller is responsible for

like some of the like really truly

great stories

like of new york come out of there where guys

pop in and do sets and kill and cry

like that’s like the number one

coolest place

in new york yeah

the number one cool pop in spot

like where famous people like

you know chris rock will show up and

you know those kind of guys will show up

and do sets

it’s like they call it like the most honest club

that’s like a real hotbed

for sure yeah

but then so is the improv

you know the improv

and i like people

stopping all the time there’s a lot of good

comics that are always working you see people just

going and not even going up

just stopping in for a little bit get a drink

maybe overall i

might give new york an edge

but there’s why i would give

them i give them both an edge i can

work an edge because

the comics once you

start full stand up comedy

two years in you know something like that

where your comic

right they can get up more

they could do more sense

and and to a degree practice makes perfect

right maybe but

the best of the best of new york

moved to la

well not really lucie kiddin

moved to la no a couple did

a little bit louie and

david tells

who knows where

he is but it’s like bill

burr moves and

you move and it’s like all

these people i

moved before i was good

yeah i was i got

successful then

come over i got way better once i came to la i was

half decent but i was

you know six years in the comedy i was clumsy

yeah when i came to

i mean i started out in eighty eight

and when i came to la it was 94

so it was really

that i did not have that much time in comedy

so that’s one of the reasons why like

the best place

to work out is the place

that you have the most time

that’s the best

place to work out

you need a lot of people but

the new york’s clubs

you can get up a lot

but a lot of people are doing like

seven ten minute sets they’re doing

short sets which is

great i mean

they’re very


but i think

when you have a ten minute set

there’s a certain type of comedy that you do yeah you

don’t ramble as much you don’t go into certain like the

real subjects yeah

and there’s some there’s some bits that don’t work

unless there’s a

an understanding of how my

brain works like we’re synced up with the audience

and then once you know

you know you’re gonna have this

sense of how fucked up my thinking is

and i’ll let you in on it

and then when i tell you something else then you’ll

understand why i’m even talking about this in the first

can’t do that in

ten minutes touched on this before he died once

we talk about just like a last time

standing interview

he was saying how this is

on the big on the road

and city company

yeah and it’s like

each one is valid he said and i started thinking

about it like they’re just different

styles stand up almost

like if you would do a full hour for six months yeah

you’re gonna be in a different way than if you’re doing

two fifteen minute sets

every single day

yeah a lot of guys i don’t

think they’re doing fifteen there’s a lot of tens going

on you know

that’s tighter

yeah i think that’s good when you’re

starting to stand up because

you have to learn how to

get a crowd on your side so as many times as possible

learn to get the crowd on your side

but then at some

point you know how to get the crowd on your side

so then it becomes like i need to go over this material

and then the time comes better

and more valuable

i definitely think there’s something

going up in

front of a bunch of different audiences a

bunch of times a day too

you know just re experiencing the opening

over and over and over again which is the hardest part

you set the opening if you lose a

crowd that’s where you’ll lose them almost always

so you’re re experiencing the opening over and over

again instead of just doing one opening and then easing

your way into

good material and then

going on and getting the

crowd and finishing your set

you know when you’re doing

these short sets

it’s like you’re

doing the hardest part over and over and over

and you gotta

think of ways to

cause everyone wants to close

strong so you

gotta keep thinking of ways yeah cramming

how to close wrong

over and over

it’s interesting

crazy art for it man

this but it’s

weird that there’s only like

i guess san francisco’s got a good

reputation too as does austin

those are two

other places

and boston did

at one time but i don’t know if it does anymore

i don’t hear

those are like

clearly like second

level stuff

i don’t hear anything

about boston anymore

you know do you do you ever hear

about guys coming from boston

an occasional guy but it just as much as phoenix or any

other random city you know not like a

scene of people coming out

that’s a crazy

thing to see

i was never like

seattle in portland people they’re

starting to make a presence really yeah

anywhere with his wheat

and seattle

portland is a

ton of weeds

yeah try find a sober comedian up there good luck

i did a show in portland

the tea is here

we like gentlemen

we’re sitting here having tea like gentlemen

what are these two different types of tea

i don’t know

pop it up there

nice i don’t know

what did you

get i didn’t get anything oh you gave me two

one’s peppermint

and one’s english breakfast

peppermint and english breakfast

this is the part of the podcast that sucks

but you get the food

no we’re just talking

about our tea now nobody gives a shit

let me pause is the best thing that

i’ll pause this we’ll be right back yeah

hold on let me say this real quick

fifteen minutes

yeah the best

thing i ever heard

tiger would say is me and when is easy

did a commercial with him

and they instructed us all we had to do is play

tiger woods golf against like ea

sports against tiger woods

right talk some trash

right they told specific rules don’t be dirty

don’t talk about his wife don’t talk

about his dad who just died which we wouldn’t do right

and but they’re like don’t be

dirty and he so he comes in all

right fine whatever he comes in and goes what’s up

bitches ready to do this shit

like who said that to

get dirt it’s just some guys don’t know him at all

but at some point

they offered him like

they offered him like

some tea or whatever he goes no i don’t

drink that or coffee whatever it was his handlers

and then steve’s

like oh me neither i don’t like hot liquids you know

my mouth and

it was because

i got to pop

leave it for your

mouth right here

you’re the coolest guy

muni golf courses of course he’s dirty

he grew up on

public golf courses

public golf courses are just

dirty it’s like it’s a caddyshack

stuff it’s like

the people who work in caddyshack that’s like pool

same kind of

thing if you go there every day

but just like

pools with it some people like it’s saturday night

comes the day to a pool

right be right next to the general gamblers

wow a lot of golfers are big gamblers right yeah

what’s that

about i just

some to make more interesting i don’t know

gambling off lends itself to gambling somehow

you can make handicapped

system that works really well

well i’ll tell

you man when you play in pool nothing makes it more

exciting than even having five

bucks online

yeah when you and i

would play football


give a hard what i give you the

eight ball or something you give me the

seven and the

seven and the nine

seven and nine yeah but

seven wasn’t wild well we playing ten ball or nine ball

nine ball okay so i just gave you the

seven ball yeah

i gave ari the call

seven call seven

for pool players

but it would be

fun we would battle it out for five

bucks i mean the

table time was more than five bucks but

it wasn’t the

point the point was like

we’re really trying to win

you know it’s a

weird thing when you get into a game and you’re really

really really trying to win you figure out how to run

a rack out when

you’re really nervous and sure you’re trying to it

doesn’t make any

sense you something make it

that’s all you need just five bucks

that’s why i say like

watching fights

when you’re gambling on the

fights is so much more

exciting yeah you

know that’s one of the coolest

things about when we used to go to those

fights in vegas

you know when they had the wfa

and a bunch of different

yeah organizations you go bet on a man

that’s that’s the

greatest thing i’ve left

like mandalay mgm

there’s a time is like fifteen minutes so next fight

is like okay

go put the money on this here’s 40 for this and 20

for that you’re like okay and you run down there to the

sportsbook as fast as possible to come running back

i’ve never asked anybody if i’m allowed to

bent on the ufc

because i don’t want to hear the answer

you have no outcome on the fight

yeah i’ve no way to

influence the outcome

but i can’t

influence the way people feel

about fighters yeah

which i don’t ever

try to do deliberately although people accuse me of it

it’s just my opinions

everybody has different opinions you know i

i mean even when my friends are

fighting like george saudiropus is a good friend i’ve

trained with that guy a

bunch of times i like him a lot of hung out with him at

night with him and his wife and he’s a great guy

but when he was

fighting dennis

ever and i’m like dennis

he was a fucking

beast man and

once you’re in there i i i i have to look at you for

what your your flaws

are what your strengths are what your weaknesses yeah

and that was autoropolous

i’m like he’s

gotta work on

his take downs man he can’t take this guy down

and this guy is a fucking gorilla

dennis he was a big fucking

scary gorilla he’s a bad


i’m a dennis heber fan

you know even though

george is a good friend of mine and i’m a dennis heber

fan i think he’s a fucking

monster you know

it’s it’s people

think that you you can

influence the

fight but you really can

but i wonder if it

would be against

some sort of law

if i gamble shouldn’t

be you think they

would tell you

being a vegas

based organization you

would think

right that they

would say this retard isn’t

stupid enough to think you

fucking gamble off

right knows

you can’t gamble right

well i probably fucking

could make some money

i could make some

money i’m pretty goddamn good at picking fights

i would say i’m probably more than 50

i mean with mma

shit you really almost

never know you have an insider

knowledge though yeah

if you’re talking about like

people want to bet on

whichever football team whichever

fighter that they

think is better

you have more of a reason to

think someone’s better or worse

than other people you have a better knowledge of the

right but would

would be creepy as if you knew some shits inside

shit like if you knew

about like a knee injury or something like that

that was the case i

would never

bet on the fight there’s no way

i would bet on something if i had some

freaky knowledge

but if you just like

after the range like you look good yeah then

that’s not inside

yeah yeah but i

think you’ll bet and

against the

fighter when you know he’s jacked that seems to me like

cheating that seems to me like insider trading

right right

doesn’t it i always tell my friends like the

insider trading all i get from them is when they tell

me like what people are saying and sometimes it like

like chuck the

day after some before is the

there’s nothing

with the silva

what is his name

no silva when chuck

adele fought silva

who ran away

mandala yeah

before that and

after the weigh ins

why the fuck

could i not

think of vandalism

is one of the best

syllable for some

reason goes i was trying to think of

i think of him as a one eighty five

pounder now for some

stupid reason

remember every all the

trainers and

stuff that i’m friends with like oh

chuck look good i’m like oh i

guess chuck looks good

then i have no idea how to tell that but then i told my

hey chuck looks good

well chuck always look good

chuck was the the prime years of chuck

now back when he knocked out randy kotor

two times in a row and

knocked out baba lou and

he’s knocking out everybody knocked out for an entire

one he just

knocked out everybody fought man everybody fought

he went in there guns blazing

and blasted him away for like years he was the

first one that was on the billboard of the hyatt

that they covered the

whole side he was the first one of

mma that was on there for like a while

dude chocolate down in his heyday man what a fucking

a warrior that guy was he was a

savage she would just go out there guns blazing

but his style

is so aggressive

that he leaves himself for counterattacks

you know yeah it’s like he’s always

marching forward like he got

knocked out by rich franklin

he was killing rich franklin because he

broke his arm

no the last

fight that’s

right he broke his arm he was

blasting a man

is really her chances and he left an opening

but he left more than that too

because rich tagged him a couple of times before that

i saw him really get to him a couple times before that

franklin hits hard and

he hit him with a couple of big shots

but it’s like chuck’s

aggressive style

was the reason why he was so good

and it’s also the reason why

when your career is over it’s over

it’s over yeah you don’t

get the same opportunities that a real tactician gets

you know not that he wasn’t a tactician he’s

super aggressive

you know but like

the guys who like our

safety first fighters

you know they don’t

they don’t get the people who love him as much though

you know they

get you know they get

they get to not take as much punishment

but people for whatever reason don’t

why are people not liking tim

sylvia after

well but i was like he’s

champion why

should he take chances

that’s when i was

learning mma and

stuff learning

about it not putting it but like

people like

yeah he’s just born he plays a safe he wins the first

you know three

rounds and then

he’s like i’m not taking any chance for the next two

right and then but i was like why

should he doesn’t

seem like a good decision to take chances when he’s up

three or nothing

we’re going down

what is that

noise it’s just a

plane breaking apart


um i take your tea

no no okay yeah um

i don’t know man all

these years of

watching fights

it’s it’s almost like i’ve

seen too many i have like too many stored in my memory

the overloading

i’ve had them

i’ve been doing

ufc since ufc

thirty seven and a half was like the

first one that i worked

i think that’s like way more than a thousand fights

but way more

because there’s all the

ufcs and all the

spike shows to sure

and it’s like at

least nine shows nine

fights per show

at least oh

thousand fights yeah oh and i

was like wait what

and by the way why did i

think that was even a possibility

oh my god my map is like

we do so many this year on

spike tv and so

many pay per views

versus you’ve done

yeah we’ve done so many

fights i think it’s somewhere around a thousand fights

i think it’s more

probably 10 to 12 of each one

yeah most the most is 12 but it’s usually 11

but either way it’s been so many

fights that it’s almost like they

blur like i forget

who fought did you ever go

under card fire

did you ever go to

watch any of the

ultimate fighter

fights i still

haven’t really

missed it this

year i didn’t get a chance this year i was too busy

this year while they were doing it this

season i was

super busy but

don’t you go to

vegas sometimes

during when they’re filming ultimate

fighter yeah but when you’re there for the fights man

i work out and i go do a show somewhere half the time

you know vegas is like the most

common that i don’t do a show you know

you should go roll with

those guys on the

ultimate fighter

some of them

right you should

stop in there one day roll them for a little while

yeah that’d be

interesting because then you get your workout in yeah

especially on some shows you don’t have a friday

night show yeah

go on there i can roll with them a little bit got a

sweat and then

it’d be cool yeah

i bet ufc would like you to do that too

yeah see when they’re

sweating yeah

until i put the

choke to some of those boys

don’t show this

these are punishment

squeeze the neck my friend go to sleep now

the joke is hard what a

crazy way to try to make a living huh

those guys are really savages

jokers people no those guys getting into the ufc and

entering into the ultimate

fighter and getting on that show and being in that

house with a

bunch of dudes that you’re gonna have to fight

what a crazy idea for a show that shit will go on for

a billion years okay because it’s always interesting

there’s always new people that want to fight

there’s always you know

fucking new great

rivalries that get born out of that house

yeah they painted

it in the ufc like six years later

the point that never was you know

some of the

greatest rivalries ever have come from that house

diego sanchez and fucking kenny florian that fight

i never watch that show i never got into that show

that was season one man really they’re both

fighting at one eighty five believe it or not

wow really kenny

was at one eighty five yeah i mean he wasn’t really

but he’s got such

big balls that he fought in the hundred eighty five

pound division when he’s a natural one

fifty five or

so he’s walking like one eighty two

say fucking all fat and shit

walking all fat slung

slung dick and

elbows i like that guy in florida he’s a nice guy

he’s a nice guy and he’s a bad

motherfucker yeah

he’s a really

smart guy i like him a lot

he’s like i know he’s not jewish but i don’t correct

people when they say he is haha you take him as an

honorary joe

you like kenny florian

you’re not a realy joe

yeah he’s a great guy he’s one of those rare guys

that had like a real happy

childhood too

as there is

close to action doctors right

family guy yeah they’re all i

think his father’s a surgeon

yeah yeah it’s like

crazy man he’s like you grew up he just

wants to do it that’s what he wants to do you know

grant hill was

like that his dad was a professional football player

really yeah always

got along with him was like what you want to do play

basketball okay go for it

mma kind of

go for it yeah well that’s a good dad yeah

those those creepy dads that want kids to do what

what you want them to do

that’s terrible you see that suppression

that really fucks kids

heads up my dad was so mad at me when i quit soccer

was he was so mad i didn’t get it till way

later while i was so mad

i just thought he was

teaching me how to not to be a quitter or something

right but really it’s because he grew up playing soccer

wanted me to play soccer

right he did

wow i know it’s so

weird isn’t it if my kid didn’t want to do

jiu jitsu i just have to recognize that

you have to accept it

it’d be tough though

like something else you want to do yeah

yeah you can’t

want your kid

to do something they don’t want to do you’re

gonna create

some angry person the

worst portrayal

of if one of your kids was like i’m

gonna play a team sports

you’d be like

no i wouldn’t

that’s cool

look i like pool

pool is way

more boring to a lot of people than baseball

a lot of people

in baseball is boring

but to me you know it’s fascinating

i mean i don’t you

should be able to like and

watch whatever you want uh huh

you know i i fully

support that

but i just don’t

think that a lot of people

think of kids as being

individual people

i think they

think of them

as an extension of them like they own that kid

so it’s for your dad it’s like this is my son

why isn’t my son playing soccer no

that should be this yeah

i really see a quitter now i’m just

gonna quit things yeah that’s probably seven haha

uncle say something like that

about me like quitting

things and i got

really pissed that i went and talked to him for years

wow this is

silliness man

you know when people talk

about being quitters and

not quitting

you’re saying that

to a kid when you’re like giving them that negative

reinforcement like that what are you

gonna be a quitter

you know that’s not how to deal with it you know

the way to deal with it well the problem is most people

haven’t push

out that part of

one thing like

eight years old and like that’s what i do forever

shit like will

smith we’re just saying he didn’t quit

rap he just

he did it for five or six years

and they did

something else

it’s also you know one person soccer’s another person’s

basketball you just have to find that

thing you know

it for you it wasn’t soccer but

maybe it would have been

you know what what the fuck ever gymnastics you

really want

to do it yeah

maybe there’s something you

gotta find what the fuck you like

can’t be dependent

on somebody else here’s pizza

he was friends with

gretzky because there’s a

he’s a practice player for the kings for a while

wow and he went to like some signings with him

right just like hang out with him and stuff

and he said some

guy was like you know took his son in line to get a

gretzky book sign or

gretzky poster signed

and he goes you know

wayne tell my son how important it is to practice

every day you know

he’s like yeah it’s

really important

to do that and they left and

he turned to

harris and he was like the

thing is when i was his age

that’s all i wanted to do

was play hockey

no one had to tell me to practice

this is all i wanted to do

so i guess technically i was practicing but

i was just playing

you can’t make someone want to practice

yeah i know shit you know

you like it and do it all the time yeah

if you don’t

then don’t do it at all

do something else that you

like doing it do that all the time yeah no kidding man

it just sucks to feel like a pool player

where your sport the

thing you love to do all the time

can net you

five bucks a year yeah

you know professionals

bowling it’s just you’re not

gonna make any

money i know some guys that do like mika eminem

he plays professional pool he makes good money

and you know like

shane bambone

he makes good

money like that

the upper echelon players

but like max you know

max is struggling max is one of the best guys in the

world he just

doesn’t win enough tournaments

places like

third here you know

get like four

three six how much

is the ninety

ninth best pool player in the

world man fuck

compared to golfer

yeah it’s really

ridiculous a

night night method in nba is a starter

yeah professional starter on

makes hundreds of thousands of dollars a year

millions yeah

really this league minimum was like a hundred

twenty five thousand

so the worst guy in the nba makes a hundred

twenty five

and that was like ten years ago

what’s it now i don’t know

leave it on probably

two or three hundred thousand

yeah well they have a

short spirit

period of time

where they can do that that was supposed to

which is the

problem pool is no one’s ever figured out how to

organize and put it on tv correctly

you know what i was saying

about watching that chat that chasta speed chas

it’s almost like they

should do something like that with pool

because that

speed chess was really

exciting man

you know that

speed chess was interesting so like speed pool

yeah it would be

a race to 10

but you also have a clock

as soon as the ball

starts moving you have only so long to

yeah yeah george

as soon as he

starts to climb

every game no matter how much time it takes

to get through each rack all that time is calculated

even 10 ball or something but you

would lose a

certain amount once your minutes go you lose

20 balls yeah i think that

some sort of an

added little pressure

thing would be fun for pool

would get people into it

that makes safety shots so much more

powerful pool

is one of those

things though

that’s only interesting to people that play it

like it’s interesting

to you because you know how to play but to

other people don’t know how to play it’s just like so

stupid like who gives a shit

if that ball goes in the hole hit it already hit balls

yeah it’s a

weird thing

games games

scare the shit out of me i’ve lost

giant chunks of my consciousness to games

giant i remember

being in a driver’s

ed and they said that there used to be a good

judge of driver’s ed

about driving abilities who had the best

grades really

yeah but then they

redid studies and they said that’s it

video games

oh wow it was way more important than bets of

grades dude there’s a guy that

went down to nurburgring

in a race car the nurburgring is a huge

racetrack i

think it’s like

seven miles numb

it takes a really good race car like

seven minutes

and like i think like

i think like

seven minutes and thirty

seconds is what like the corvette zr1

so it’s a long ass

track and it’s got a

bunch of crazy

curves and shit

and so um they

they put this on a video game

and so on the

video game you

literally drive

the exact course

and you go through the

exact same lanes that all

the real racetrack car

drivers would

and they have the

exact same like

like background

so when you

do it you feel like you’ve already been there

so they had this

kid who was like really good at playing the video game

and they took him on a race car around the nurburgring

and he had like this badass time

like he knew how to do it good

because he was really good at

doing the video game

so they just had to

teach him how to operate a race car

show the fundamental

that he could do it

wait hold on a second

this is the

exact plot of that

movie from the 80s

where the guys

super good at

video games and then outer

space they come in

yes alex rogan

his name was alex really

what movie was that

star fighter

some shit like

he’s the best of the

video game but the

video game was just an elaborate

test by the

aliens to see who

would who would

fight for them

yeah what was it called star something

yeah and they did a

south park episode of the same

thing really yeah

it was yeah because the

level 99 and

kenny was like the greatest

level and then they thought

good versus evil hell

versus satan wow

well this guy actually did that

this guy actually did go around the nurburgring

and they said he had a

great time he did really really

yeah you did that yeah

he said he knew when to

break and he knew when to

when they accelerate

out of corners

and those games

the physics of

those games are really pretty life like

they make it really the

others with

flight simulators like that yeah

oh that’s another

thing tiger was that when we were playing

somebody one of us hit a shot up look like he was

going on the

green perfectly

and like a nice shot and

tigers like nah it’s

gonna roll off the back of the sand

like no no it’s safe as fall on the

front and it

starts to slow down and pick

up a little

steam and rolls off the back of his head

like how’d you know that

because because i played that course

like thirty five times

also the course was exactly

just yeah rolls off the back

that’s amazing yeah he’s like you

gotta bounce it up to this

how do they incorporate

those physics into the game well they have professional

or semi like professional level

golfers help design the game

so they go to the courses and make

it like that exactly but how do they know like when

they incorporate gravity like we’re

steeper hills make the ball roll faster yeah

one rolls off to the right one

bring you know

they try to make it just like the

grain and one day they’re

gonna be able to actually recreate the

exact topography

yeah that’s

gonna be crazy yeah

you’ll be able to recreate the

exact topography

of the course you can play pebble

beach in your

home or in your

local like you know

yeah you have like a club

and the club somehow another has some sort of a

sensor on it

it’s like a motion

sensor and the laser tag

place yeah recreate it

every time with

holograms yeah and you do it in like you know in

front of some big screen

i played that golf in or

golf before in

maryland in the winter

you hit a screen they try to

judge the trajectory of the ball but it was real

you know they’re basic

like that and then they tell you

where you are in the

rough what happens to

place your ball either in

rough grass

or in regular

grass which is the fairway

you know or take a

penalty and then on the

green they tell you how

far away from the hole to put it but it was the same

green every time man

i’m so excited

about what the hell is gonna happen in the future

yeah i mean the future of

video games

virtual reality and just

we’re in such a weird time you know

i mean a couple of hundred years ago you

would live your

whole life and nobody ever invented shit

the things you would go but you go

whole like a no new invention would be created

yeah nothing new yeah

no cottage that happened once a generation

yeah you know or even a bit less and it’s like

sure i mean there

might be some things are getting me but the

things that you don’t that you know

about things that actually help and affect your life

not that much but now we

have so many of them

in my life in the cell phone

internet internet

computers in general yeah portable computers yeah

all these things

completely change the way we do a cell phone

not even you can’t even say cell

phone anymore because now it’s the

age of the smartphone

this is a bigger leap

then i mean then just a

phone you know a little

thing that you can get information from from the sky

i mean that

the with the cell phone is now like your iphone

right there and the one that we’re recording this into

these things are

these are little computers

that connect you to the the rest of the world man

i mean we did this this show in

sydney all through

these iphones man

we tweeted it

we tweeted it and packed up on the iphone

yeah yeah all through the air just walking around

click click click

click click

with no wifi signal i just i just

sent a text

to twitter to put this on and they did yeah man

it’s i mean this is that’s the biggest leap of all time

the the ability to get

google on that and find answers to anything immediately

that’s crazy

and plus you can record your surroundings

take photos of yourself

listen to music really

same quality

photos yeah and talk to people

and video conference if you’re near a wifi signal

i videotaped the kangaroo jerking off yeah

the zoo because of this

technology that

mommy at all times

you need a little

upload that to youtube

that you’re

gonna upload it i guess

i should have done something more clear is he

pretty clear obvious

yeah it’s amazing right now

in shazam just the fact that it has shazam on it

it was crazy it doesn’t even make sense what

song it is it’s playing and it’s almost always accurate

wow this is very blatantly

just jerking it

this might get already arrested i

tried to get in this

but then i think he took like an aggressive

stance so i got scared

like here i’ll

tell you inside this no it’s like a walk around area

you can walk nearby

is there a fence in

front of you no it’s a wallaby

you can go up to it

well you’re not supposed to get off the path

you could go

right up to that

thing yeah all

right we’ll have to put this on line

ladies and gentlemen

i got fully scared of the wallaby that’s allowed to go

right up to you

you should be scared yeah

the deal is

there’s no social contract

yeah exactly

i erected his jerk off that’s face

animals aren’t you what happened to the tea

you took it away

i don’t know

i don’t drink

these i thought maybe you only want one cup

this motherfucker you let him take it how high are you

but blitzkrieged

ari and i had an edible

i guess we should take this time to

thank our sponsors and zen

this is our model

zen dispensary

their breath strips are amazing

and you run

i like these podcasts on planes

need to start doing more of these from now on

every time i

travel i’m gonna do one so i’ll do one with tom zagura

on wednesday when we go to louisville

it’s good idea especially long flights like yeah

why not podcast on a plane or phone yeah

it’s interesting

i mean you know

that’s it’s also

an interesting little network that we have of all

these people now

that are doing i mean you’re

starting to do one now too what are you calling yours

uh skeptic tank

the skeptic tank

and of course doug benson has doug loves

movies and we see doug all the time and it’s like

it’s weird it’s like there’s

there’s like this

whole network of people that are

are doing these now we’re all like doing it together

and everybody

seems really cool with everybody people have

other people on each

other’s podcasts and everyone’s like support the

style is like all

right yeah dogs

thing is like i

gotta go talk about

movies yeah that’s fine yeah that’s his

thing you know when you do this

thing that’s what it is

and then you know

ours is you get high and talk

about whatever the fuck you want to talk about

for two hours yeah

and you know everybody’s got

their own little thing

but it’s really

cool how there’s so many people doing it now

and everybody’s supporting everybody

and i listen to

other people’s podcasts i want

to get fun to do yeah the real fun to

do she’s one of the door guys at the comedy store and

eric marino

at this thing

where they just like to talk

about sports like

gonna be on i was like all right

yeah just like yeah we’ll talk

about something for a little while

doesn’t matter if ten people

here if no one knows or with a million people here

we ran into a

bunch of people in australia that listen to the podcast

a lot yeah you know i mean

the podcast is

we don’t know the

exact numbers

but it’s well over two hundred thousand people

are listening each each

individual one wow yeah

you know and then

in time it goes

more and more and more people download the old ones and

it’s pretty

crazy that this can happen

this can happen

you know and then also there’s

there’s so many

different ways to listen to it you can get

use this thing called

stitcher you can listen to it

live where we play on you stream and

watch at the same time you can

listen to it by just

downloading the file from my website you don’t have to

you put itunes you can just download the raw mp three

and then you know

you put it on anything put on any kind of mp3 player

you know and if

you just keep providing people with something that they

enjoy like that you get a kind of like

you know you get a fan base like that’s

like the people that were hanging out with like in

sydney the people came to the shows

we got some cool

motherfuckers that are coming

to the know enough

about you and

about us in general that’s like

if they’re turned

off by the shit we do they won’t come out

right you know

so the people that come out are sort of

your cup of tea

yeah yeah i mean you know everybody’s got

their own thing man you know we’ve been talking

about you know

ari and i were talking

about this once like some comedians will get upset at

other comedians like they don’t like

their act and so they hate them

but it’s so

stupid it’s like

what do you give a shit like you don’t like that

style of comedy

but guess what

there’s thirty thousand people

in his audience so you telling me there’s something

wrong with that yeah

there he’s giving them exactly what they like yeah

even kara tom

even guys like

comics or whatever type of

comics like

that’s not your thing

but that’s okay exactly who the fuck are you to decide

you know what’s good and what’s bad you know let’s just

get it but i got caught up in it

yeah when i was younger for sure i did i did too i

recently let it go and last couple years like

it’s so much better now that you can actually

appreciate the

small things you can relate to in

their ass yes

let me the cable guy on some interview wants on like

leno or one of

those he said

having sex with his pregnant wife was like

was like um

jabbing he said

jabbing taking a

stick and jabbing a

stack full of puppies

and i’m like that’s a

funny joke and if you just

dismiss everything he says and you miss out on

a little joy of life i don’t dismiss him at all i

think he’s funny

you know i was telling you i hung out with him very

briefly way back in like shit like ninety

four or ninety five at the montreal comedy festival

we hung out the comedy works

and this is back when

larry was you know just another

comic that very few people knew who he was you know

he was living as a

cable guy another

is what is it dan whitney is that his real name

oh you still

going the old

no he was the

larry the cable guy there

you know he was he was doing

larry the cable guy

but you know people like they like take

offense to that or you know some people

judge it i don’t get it

it’s not my you know

it might not be my favorite kind of comedy but i

think he’s funny

yeah he makes me laugh

it makes me laugh a

bunch you just let go yeah

hey i’m supposed

to like this i’m not supposed to like that it’s like

you know like there’s all sorts of different

levels of everything

you know i mean

mcdonald’s cheeseburgers you

might not be

into it but obviously a lot of fucking yeah

you can’t say oh that’s terrible really

why is everyone eating it

that’s what i think

about republicans

really they have no

they have no basis to

stand on i don’t know anything

about politics but if they have no basis to

stand on why is

fifty percent of the country a republican

yeah well that’s an interesting way to

look at i think

there must be something

valid people i think

it is a good percentage of the time

when people choose whether or not they’re

gonna be a republican

or a liberal

conservative or democrat they

i think they find

a pattern of

thinking and then they just

stick to it

you chevy ford

seems just so dumb

and i think that’s responsible for a lot of it

that’s a lot of it

team concept

i want to pick a side

to it no matter what

every time yeah and then they you know and then you

especially if like

one of the best

things the republican

party it does

is that they

they really promote this idea of a united

front against

the dumb liberals the weak

liberals those

liberals out there they’re

gonna take away your money

and they propose

that you’re in on this like

it’s a team like when

people call the rush limbo show mega dittos rush

met at mega dittos meaning ditto meaning you i

guess you like you

we agree what

you’re saying i

guess that’s what it means

they call themselves ditto heads

you know i mean they just

they’re into rush

and yeah they want to

smoke the same

cigars that rush smokes

and they want to call up and

agree with him

and they want

and they want to

you know they want to suck republican cock that’s what

they used to be

if you were republican i just thought

you agree with

eight or nine out of ten

things that

other republicans agree with

yeah as opposed to two out of ten

things other publicly

agree with yeah

if you’re a democrat

it’s being a fanboy it’s just like

your fanboy of anything else it’s like

going to see star wars

thirteen times because you’re ten

you know that’s what it’s like it’s the same goddamn

thing it’s it’s

ridiculous behavior

but it’s so common you know

there’s people out there that firmly believe it

these lips are

gonna do this

but then you know

if you look at this

their point

of view when it comes to politics when it comes to

taxes and creating

big government and

everything like yeah man i yeah i

agree they’re

spending too much fucking

money i don’t

think the balance

going the right way

in what i understand and i

clearly know nothing

but i’ll tell you this that i didn’t

think that there was

any reason i told this before

there was no

reason we shouldn’t have universal health care

that’s what i always thought and people who are

against it were like retarded

and now my health care is worse

and it costs more

because of obamacare

and i was like oh that’s the give and take that’s

both sides have a

valid argument

the problem with

universal health care is that doctors get fucked over

you know doctors

get fucked over already by a lot of insurance companies

a lot of insurance companies don’t

wanna pay what a doctor wants to be paid for

you know certain

procedures and when they get to be really good

psychologist won’t take uh

won’t take insurance

why would i

build out a hundred dollars

for the insurance company when i can

build out a 300

that’s what i’m worth wow

so when you go to a

psychiatrist or a

psychologist you have to pay them

out of your pocket

certain ones certain ones are

insurance and the best ones are just not on insurance

i am all for people being competitive i

think it’s good i

think i want the doctor who’s the baddest


who drives a ferrari

because he’s the one who can

fix your fucking

brain tumor that’s the

guy you want you want this bad


you know you

want this dude is like intensely devoted to his craft

because he he

makes a lot of fucking

money from it

there’s a lot of reward and so there’s a lot of

reason for him to go chase

after and be

the best surgeon you have a life there that i

heard once i like but you were telling a

somebody about a bit

different vaporizers

one of your friends was like trying to buy a vaporizer

and he was like which one and you were like

the way you told sir i was like go with the broken

school thought

just get the more expensive one yeah it’s always better

it’s almost always better

nine point nine out of ten

better so just

i use that for almost

everything yeah

you have the

money to do it go with the better one

yeah the one that cost the most is usually the best the

reason why you go the same

prices for jessica ronaldi

yeah it’s like

why do you think for jessica

cost more yeah

it tastes better yeah don’t be

stupid might be

worth a difference but yeah

it is better it’s better yeah yeah

the ferrari

doesn’t cost

a quarter of a million dollars because it’s a

piece of bread

yeah there’s a

reason why people are willing to buy that goddamn thing

greatest car ever invented you know there’s

there’s there’s something to that now

there’s so many certain amount of

things you can think

about in this life

you have to have some methods to

deal with things

that’s my method

try to get whatever it is get the best one

don’t be don’t be

stupid yeah

so i don’t understand people use windows

like don’t you know that shit

people yeah

windows grown

i can build my own computer

i can i can upgrade if i like i

understand i

understand all that

maybe you do all that and i

appreciate that and i

think that’s awesome

but you can get a virus

and viruses are fucking terrible

could you imagine if it’s like no man

i’m gonna stay a

human i’m just

gonna eat acidophilus and a lot of

wheat grass juice and

i don’t worry

about this dark

black plague

or you know you can take this pill and be immortal

i’m gonna stick with it

stick with this

fighting all

virus on the plane yeah

people have windows

they’re being attacked every day

for a while you

can’t even go to websites

you go to websites and

big windows popeye and people

right now are

freaking out people are angry

fucking max

you max and

for the people who were like i was

seven or eight years ago we’re like

this is a new

system i can’t figure it out

you will get it

within a week or two

you will totally

figure it out of regular use if you’re an

idiot it’ll get

it’ll be just as easy as

this you know but some

people are really into like hacking the registry and

they’re really into

building their own

things i totally

get that i totally get that such a spot

slice the real

the real option for

those people is linux

real option is linux or unix

and there’s you know there’s there’s operating

systems that aren’t

virus infested

punk shit and they’re free

like there’s a lot of linux

now a lot of different building

that are available online for free

that are really good man they have a

great graphic interface

they have video players

there’s a few compatibility issues with something

yeah that to me

makes way more

sense than windows

windows i mean

i get it there’s a lot of peripherals that work with it

and a lot of people have just

grown up with it and used to it but

viruses are so

stupid so horrible

suddenly my computers working

worse cause i’m asshole

pranked me yeah exactly what evidence of cunts

you know i mean

if you ever want evidence of people are cunts

the number of

viruses that

exist are staggering

yeah for windows

there must be hundreds of thousands it’s not like the

virus that drains your bank

account and goes to some guy in russia it’s just the

virus that fucks you up yeah

doesn’t do anything for anyone yeah

and i asked somebody once like why do they

build those

viruses people

like mayhem

that’s it this one

create man you know

it’s like it’s like if there’s a room and it was like a

round circle

where women just put

most of their face

through and you can’t see who’s on the

other side and the

other side is all men that are naked it’s

gonna be a few that’ll just jerk off on someone’s face

they just they just want to

be able to affect you and you not know that it’s them

you know you know i mean

i mean there’s people that want to

reach out and

jizz on you

that’s what they want to do

they can find a way to just

whack one off on your face and you

couldn’t stop them and you didn’t know it was them they

would do it

they would do it just to look at it

people were sick

they twisted

i have a rule of

pranks because i

haven’t thought out

theory on them you know and the rules are this no

no monetary damage to anyone

and no physical damage to anyone

those are good

except yourself

those are good you

can put out a thousand dollars a ball

but you can’t make someone else pay too much yeah

those are good rules yeah

because other than that

butts hurt that’s it and you have to only

prank people that you actually like to you can’t be

pranking you can’t be

pranking someone you don’t

like because then that’s like sort of an act of war huh

you know it has to be like an act of

fun yeah because if you don’t like someone and then you

prank them that’s like your you just stepped it up

you know we once had

we got like

12 15 people

to wait for bobby lee

to pull into the parking

store parking lot at the comedy store

with on top of the roof

on the hyatt ramp

behind the garbage cans

all waiting and

choreographics hanging out with

water balloons

oh no yeah just waiting for all filling out this is

gonna happen

right now okay

he’s got a 10 15 spot he will be here at 9 45

and it is go time

that’s hilarious and we all just unloaded

water balloons at him

oh my god that’s hilarious it

was so epic

that’s epic

and the only

thing better was that not one of us hit him

it’s like eighty

balloons and not one person hit him that’s hilarious

dude did you were you there when

some guys got on the roof of the

store with a slingshot

was not there

they had like this sort of a

water balloon launching device yeah capital

had it some

slingshot type deal

and they were hurling

him over towards the

standards and hitting the bounce it was

that’s incredible

when you get hit by a

water balloon

let’s say that ever happens to you yeah

first like what

like okay my mind is

wrapping around its water

right and you’re like that was

water balloon

you get that within a

second or two

right and then you look

where the water balloon come from without

thinking this out it’s instant

people like within

four or five feet

that’s where

water balloons come from

ten feet maybe

you don’t think a hundred yards

up on some roof

across the street

down the block

no one would even consider that they

found out that it was

coming from the rooftop so the cops did come and visit

you know someone

you water balloons in a fucking straight line

straight back pointing

and the roof as

they adjusted for for

yeah accuracy

yeah they nailed somebody i remember they

hit somebody it was like a big fucking event everybody

came running down up

to the bar yeah

cops ran up

as they see

in caprollo

and i think freddy lockhart

and they had to hide

where mitsy’s office was

fuck quick come down here i hear footsteps

they did not

think cops ran

by them and they ran the rest

of the way out

that was i remember those

we did the combat

is easy they had it on the roof

well let’s not say it was

right as easy

because we might not

really yeah

we did it we all did it in la hoya

once in the condo

and it would go i don’t remember that

place at all yeah go over the boardwalk

halfway to the

ocean on the

beach oh my god it

would blow up like a land mine

people sitting there

would go in the sand

you see them

kind of like looking around like what was that

and then another one

would boom oh that’s hilarious

that’s hilarious

yeah that’s some terrorism shit though i

think that’s probably in the

patriot act

it’s probably not

allowed to do

that anymore

oh probably not

it’s a guy calling

you would have one guy pulling it back

right as hard as he can and two

other guys on either side

straight out with the arms

bracing and shaking holding it

steady oh that’s how you

do rubber thing one guy like this

the other guy on the

other side so you use your arms as the

your arms are like the

sticks like the

one guy would be your fingers pulling back

pull back as hard as you can

why not make something instead of that

that works why not

like have like a bow

like some sort of a

something yeah they

wash it for you yeah do like

something is

sticking the dirt

they are something yeah that’d be

great yeah like

maybe you if you were on a balcony

you could just have it like with a clamp yeah

to the balcony

get on it inventors

pranksters beware

this guy caught us once

because we did it way too much in the oil

and it was like at

night we try to get people that were walking with a

stuff and some guy this

black guy i remember from

going to the window like hey you fucking

dick assholes he was like he was like that one of the

southern including the blowfish my

black guys right

it was like hey turds

things like that if it

fit his face

we’re like don’t move

you can’t see us because we all fucking hit the deck

he’s like i see you

right there in the white

t shirt behind the

couch i can

still see you

what the fuck are you doing like he can’t see us

even though it’s describing us perfectly

how did he see you because he can see

right in we

weren’t hiding very well we were

get down here and kick your ass we didn’t move

pussies but that’s what

viruses are

right people like that yeah make little pranks

that that comedy

store la jolla such a strange place

because it’s

in a beautiful area la jolla is gorgeous it’s a real

affluent what

is like the bellaire

hills of san

diego yeah and

right there is this

dirty little comedy club

where it’s hasn’t

changed in thirty fucking years

barry diamonds

try that lines

once a year yeah

are this argus go down there

i think he’s

happy just featuring it’s such an old

school place

it’s a vacation for the

comics yeah

and so many

comics have done so much

crazy shit in that condo

like i can’t even remember

half the shit that’s happened that condo

the amount of coke that must have been in there

i would fill it up at this

point oh my goodness

yeah yeah that

place was that was it and that was a bit of

a first road gear for a lot of people yeah it

wouldn’t be able to get something that you go open for

steep hurdle

a very diamond

you’re like

fuck i don’t want to hang out with the

whole weekend

yeah but it’s like road work

i get to stay at the condo that’d be awesome yeah

i never had to deal with that because by the time she

eventually stopped torturing me and sent me there

yeah i started

going on the road with you

so it’s like no i’m not going

with barry diamond

down to la jolla

no i’ll go with

my friends or nothing stay in the condo yeah

no get creeped on

rusty dooley

used to sleep with a


underneath his pillow

because you’re scared of buried diamonds

wow he’s always on borderline whether it’s

by the way this is all alleged

ladies and gentlemen

yeah we have one nice guy we have no documentation

to prove any of this is true

those old school guys that

were around like barry diamond was in that bachelor

party movie with tom hanks

he had second

time contain he was a big guy at some point

yeah what happened

you know careers come and go

i don’t just didn’t go up didn’t go down

i don’t understand yeah

but i know people used to talk before my time will talk

about him as like the next big thing once he did

after the party

wow that was a legitimate part huge i’m imagining

any friend of mine getting a part like that in a comedy

movie yeah that’d be pretty

impressive how the hell does he not get more movies

maybe at the wrong management or something

weird business huh show business is so strange

that’s why it’s

the best when you just concentrate just on

stand up that’s one of the

things i love

about stand up

i could just

have to worry

about all these

other variables all

these other people

just concentrate on my own shit

just working on my own thing

going up there busting

it out improving it writing new shit

putting it on a dvd

and then repeat the process

that’s to me like the

the most satisfying form of

show business yeah

the work part of it is handled by your agency managers

like yeah how much was my

quote for this

place whatever

but the part of it you have to deal with the

stuff you want to deal with yeah it’s fun it’s

exciting yeah

thank you it’s

exciting to come up with new shit man it’s

exciting to put together a new special

improve a bit

thank you very much

you got some water bitches

first class they just come around and give you

still water they just come around

by the way ari and i are sitting together in

ari’s little cubicle my pod

we’re doing a podcast

it’s a pod podcast

because we’re on qantas

and they have these pods man they’re

fucking delicious

yeah it’s a lot of room there’s two seats in it

everybody gets two windows or

two three really three

out the window and then you have

that’s how much

space it is like lengthwise you have this bed

chair that turns into a bed full

a bunch of movies on a big

screen so i

got a tv that it’s not like

like a little

headrest type deal you have your own tv it’s like

the tv used to have in college yeah it’s like as

good as that or a little bit better it’s probably like

twenty inches right

i don’t know

that that thing

seventeen inches that’s

everything is bigger than that yeah

it’s bigger

than that so it’s pretty and you

could push a button that’ll go away

it’s amazing back

amazing shit

yeah we’re flying

over the surface of the planet

thirty thousand feet over the ocean

the entire trip is

taken over the ocean

if anything goes

wrong you’re

completely totally fucked

there is no emergency

landing it’s not happening

they’ve escaped patches for

first class

with that twelve

hours over the

ocean in the air oh

how odd over

the over the

ocean nothing

around how odd

how odd is this that we can do this

super casual

yeah man this is

some revolutionary

human thing that we’re experiencing here

you know this has only been around for a hundred years

you know this is this is a blank

not even a blink in

human history which is

a blank in the

we already have a plan but it’s like it’s gone to

well they’re pretty goddamn slick now

you know it’s amazing how efficient they are

and how how

they can keep

using them over and over and over

again it’s retired

the discovery of challenger

which i wanted to blow up

challenge challenger

that did not blow up

challenger blew up

i don’t remember discovery is the new one i

think okay who’s the yeah

but one they just retired they have a couple of them

right where it’s like

that’s been in business for 30 years

yeah it works

it’s amazing you know

there’s some new studies that they’ve done

where they’re considering the possibility of

an error or an

eccentricity in the moon’s orbit

that they attribute to

a large planet

that’s outside of pluto they

know this is something that’s being considered i

think it was at cornell

it’s like a pretty serious planet yeah

well it’s not just this there’s a bunch of different

things that are pointing towards

a huge object

outside of pluto

and they’re saying it’s four times the size of jupiter

it’s absolutely enormous

and this is another finding

that’s one of a couple that they’ve come through with

where they’re calculating

that there is something out there

you know so this is like

it’s like a theory they haven’t

quite totally decided on like a lot you know there’s

there’s still some debate on it

but there seems to be several different things are

pointing towards it

they don’t know what it is but there

it could be

you know just some

enormous gas giant you know

be who else could be like

a star that we can’t see like one of those dwarf stars

like what are

there stars that you can’t see

is there stars that you can’t see with the naked eye

the naked eye yeah

i mean like a type of star

isn’t there

i don’t know

i don’t know enough

about yeah i don’t know enough

about that but i’ve heard that

some stars like literally can be hidden

you know they

would have to be like really really far away and hidden

like maybe that’s a star that’s burnt out

you know that’s like

yeah could be i mean

it’s we’re talking

about something that’s so far outside of our

solar system it’s you know

it’s i think further outside of

pluto than pluto is to us

it’s really far

but it’s really big whatever it is

i mean have you ever looked at one of those

really cool

youtube clips where they show you like the size of

the sun and the size

of earth and then the size of

a bigger sun

and a much bigger sun and a much

bigger star

and then around

giant giant

galaxies where they have these

huge you know

i forget the terminology for the stars but enormous

white and red stars that are like

thousands and thousands of times bigger than our stars

enormous monstrous stars

that’s like

you try to wrap your fucking head around going like wow

what how big is this

thing i mean how big does it get how many how many of

these are really

giant enormous things there’s something to wrap it

around infiniti

it’s impossible yeah

it’s like it’s like a fake it’s like

trying to wrap your head around the universe is like

trying to pick up the

ocean with your hands

yeah it’s like okay so we have a god

then what then what

like then another

thing then another

thing another universe it’s like yeah then what

it does end like no it just

doesn’t end it’s too crazy yeah

it’s an amazing

thing man that we are

flying through

space that we are in

space right now

space is above our head

it’s an amazing

thing that gets so little attention

you know if it didn’t

exist and then all of a

sudden it did

it would be the craziest thing ever

if all of a sudden

above us was infinity

like out of nowhere

the roof came off

and we could see infinity

be freaking out all the time

just the idea that there’s enough

nothing from

your head straight up through

to forever just go straight

you know like that

doesn’t even make

sense it’s almost impossible

to think about that

it’s almost impossible to put

every direction

every infinite direction

just keeps going so really this big planet outside of

pluto ain’t shit

really no big deal you know in

comparison to all the other

stuff that’s out there

you know why

would you be

surprised if there’s a big planet out there but

for a lot of people it seems


like there’s people that

just don’t want to believe that there’s

you know anything weird

is any life

that is has a sun

you know with

their own star

and orbits you know with like the same

solar systems like we have

but it’s super

small she’s like

their earth

their whatever version of

earth is probably way closer to

their stars so much

smaller but

everybody’s like

three four five inches tall

wow this little tiny planet because if you

think that that

might be a huge planet with bigger people on it

how small could a planet

get and still be a planet though because pluto

was really tiny

and they stopped making it a planet

or they stopped designating it as a planet it’s now

yeah it’s now like a

kuiper belt

object pluto’s not a planet it was all ice

yeah i think pluto

well i know

pluto is a regularly shaped

i think pluto like almost is like

an asteroid you know almost is like you know

giant asteroid

look at the kuiper belt is a belt of

large objects and

there’s one of them that they

found that was

three quarters of the size of

pluto that’s just outside of pluto

right before they decide the

pluto’s on a planet anyone

there’s like a lot of debate back and forth

it was a fairly recent decision that they made to stop

you know having

pluto as a planet

and the reason why they

made it is like man we’re

gonna have to name a hundred planets

right gang of

pluto’s out there

so what it is is like

what pluto is is

like one of the outer edges when an outer kuiper belt

objects and then

since then they’ve

identified a

bunch of kuiper belt objects

but from what i

understand one of the

first reasons why they suspected that something with

a large amount of mass

was way outside of pluto

because all

these objects

that it gets to a certain

point in it it unnaturally drops off i

think it’s called the galactic shelf

and what they were saying is that you

know the most likely

reason for that to happen is something really big

outside of it with a lot of mass

so something’s flying around out there

wow you know

but that should really surprise us

when we look at all those

you know you look at

half a shit that you see in the sky is there’s stars i

mean not half a ship but there’s stars and there’s

even other galaxies out there it’s not really

you know we

could look into the you know look into the

milky way and see

i mean how many stars if you’re in a country road

you know if you’re in some

place doesn’t have any

light pollution

i mean they’re just clustered and it

literally does look like milk

and each one of them

could have planets around it

most of them do

right don’t most stars have planets

i don’t know

i think they do

i mean they’ve

identified so many planets now

the idea that

you know that

this is the only one that has something like us

seems pretty silly

yeah remember they released that um

telescope but the one they sent out

sick pictures like venus and

mars it was

gonna hit like five or six of the planets over

a hundred years

voyager okay and eventually

get i don’t know if it’s

gonna get near

pluto or not but yeah

send back pictures anymore

i don’t know but in that

in that ship

these are all

scientists and regular people they included

stuff about human

yeah you know

humans in their makeup because they

actually made a gold plate yeah

had drawings on it of the

shape of men

at some point they have to think

guys let’s be honest it’s possible yeah let’s

just in case let’s put some

stuff about us

yeah exactly they had a diagram we

do what planet

we came from in a relationship there’s no reason

to do that if you don’t think

because you’re all

alone it’s true

and what’s really interesting is that the way they

wrote it out you know it really looks like

something it’s really cool

like a drawing of a man and

woman very simple you know

circles that represent the planet

the showing

which planet it came from

and really almost like hieroglyphs it’s really not bad

i guess it kind of is a

hieroglyphs yeah

it’s like this is the

simplest most mathematical

way we can tell

other grace

about us imagine if we really were the only

things in the universe though that’s a real mindful

can you imagine if this life

thing is just a real

weird aberration

30 000 years somebody just comes across that

voyager i was like wait

we found it

would be some

great discovery

like a titanic

what if it is

what if it really is that

human beings like

that we really are

only on this planet and we really do only exist

to facilitate the invention of

some sort of a

crazy universe ending device

like the the

the next stage of the

large hadron

glider or some new type of atomic

power that just

literally blows a hole

for the universe

i mean what if that really is what people here for

what we really do

have some weird

almost parasitic

or symbiotic relationship to computers and

technology once

you get into

if that’s what we’re here for that

sounds like fate

yeah but i can

say what if that’s our inevitable outcome

that’s that’s

one way of looking at it but i mean when you look at

a caterpillar

and what is it here for

it’s here to become a butterfly

i mean that’s it’s not it’s inevitable fate it’s just

it’s that’s what it’s here for it’s

going to become

a butterfly and then what’s a butterfly here for

i probably to be a part of this

huge mathematical program that is life

that incorporates wind and

moisture and

lightning bugs and

dogs and cats and

all these different events happening

all interconnected millions of events

every minute

constantly interacting with each other

you know that’s what

a butterfly is

what a butterfly is is a part of this gigantic system

you know what i mean it’s no more no less

you know what

what is the significance of its

place i don’t know but it seems like

everything is connected in that way

everything is so

what we’re doing for

sure is making crazier and crazier shit all the time

you know me you and i were so fascinated

that this podcast was saved

because of the iphone crashed

and we just booted up to my laptop and it

saved it on the laptop me we were

that we are compelled

and we’re drawn to the newest

greatest shit like oh cool and that does this oh cool

it’s like your

brain is rewarded with that

you know like we were talking

about virtual reality and

video games you know that are so

immersive and that are more

exciting than real life it’s like

you’re being rewarded by making

the more you support

these things like getting better

the more you purchase them

which more drives the

market drives

innovation that’s how drugs are

exactly it is like a drug

is it like will like viagra

like anything it’s like how much

money can we get out of this yes

how much money will get towards research yes exactly no

yeah of course yeah

anything high

blood pressure

drugs that’s all we can get a lot of

money for this yeah

so let’s researcher

yeah get something

so video games the same way they do way more business

than the movies

it’s amazing isn’t it

now now they’re through the roof

you know i mean now it’s like

i mean they’re they’re on epic

levels man you know

games like call of duty

they just they

do like hundreds of millions of dollars you know

constantly selling

thousands and millions of

copies man it’s just incredible

i mean i don’t know how many

copies they sold

worldwide but i mean everybody plays call of duty

it has to be millions

it must be millions of people

yeah it must be

no doubt about it

that’s there’s certain games that are just like mad and

everybody talks

about playing mad and

become people were just

goddamn fucking episodes is that so or

copies is that so

must be fucking millions

every year that comes to new one yeah

get people against what we’re doing with the ufc game

every year yeah

i’m working on that thing oh i put in

some fucking long days dude

doing commentary for that thing doing a

lot of commentary

yeah like i do it sometimes so

i can only do it for like four

hours and it’s

so intense you know

it’s like so you’re so pushing and you

see where it’s like

mostly down time

right well the

ufc you know sometimes nothing’s happening

this is like if action was happening constantly

every minute for four hours

that never happens on the ufc

you know the ufc there’s a lot of time

where guys are moving around nothing’s happening

you know there know

you’re talking

about what this guy needs

to do what that guy needs to do you play that game

i played a couple times

you got go to the ground or not

no i’ve got to

learn the ground

no idea what’s

going on and i’m scared of it

you know i’m scared all

video games

because of my my quick days

i’ll never get

fully into a

video game like i give myself

pool i allow pool

because pool

there’s like a mind body

connection that’s

going on to this is and

state the achieve

that even yeah

and it’s you know

that’s that’s a

to me beneficial

it’s not just

it is not just hurt your body

both video games gets me a

crazy like i remember

walking away from quake

my heart’s pounding

you know my hands are

sleeping you play you

can be like i’ll play one more hour then i’ll go

sleep like no i’m not

sleeping after that level

yeah so much fun man

and they’re only getting more and more

fun and they’re only getting more and more immersive

the ground is

really from the

fighters they say the ground is like

really sort of realistic once you get the hang of it

wow gents pulled

i did an interview for something for

when they put out i

think you’re too yeah

so i did interview people outside a

strike force event

new york city’s like fuck you or

photobombing your

shit oh yes

ask you about it

so i asked jens bulver

about it he was there

and he was like yeah i was playing and

you know i took people down i

would really get all my friends like yeah

definitely have done this more in real life too yeah

you’re good at this that’s

funny yeah that’s funny

yeah jen’s palmers are

real veteran

he’s one of

those guys that got into that

habit of banging with guys you know

standing and banging and making the

fights exciting for the fans you know yeah

he had a real

safety first

style and then he got criticized for it and they

changed the

style became a

champion lightweight

lightweight yeah


i don’t believe it was called

lightweight back then though

i think one

fifty five at one

point in time i

think they called it the panama

championship or

one at a time

i’ve got i need to go look at that i

might be talking out of my ass but i do

think that the names were different

i think the


championship was one

seventy and one time like when pat militage

first won the one seventy

title i’m pretty sure it was called


really yeah

do they go back and change those

when somebody’s

like for all time stats it’s like who’s the

first lightweight champion

they don’t get well i

think by the time

jens palver want it i

think it was


yeah i think it was


back then he i

think he was the

first ufc lightweight

champion though

you know what i’m really this is

sad usually i’m pretty good at this stuff

but for whatever reason

but he was one of the guys yeah well we’re tired too

but he was gents was one of the guys that was

first that was really good with his hands

he is a really good boxer even had some pro boxing

fights oh really yeah he had some he was

little guys those

pioneer guys like from from that era

you know it’s like

boy those guys really blazed a

trail there

was nothing before them you know there was like

a few guys that

entered into the

sport like by the time

chuck liddell got in i mean it was so new

randy couture it was all so new 96

like three years into the

sport being born

created no they were the

first guys to try to like

force their

their their

individual skill sets on

other people

and there’s a lot of them are

still around

today which is the most incredible

thing henderson

still around

today you know

randy still around

today randy’s

fighting in toronto

duties forty

eight who’s

gonna find my

cheetah he’s

fighting the cheetah

once he been

where’s he been though

he just fought rampage and lost a

close decision

that was the

first fight

after losing the

title yeah yeah

forever ago yeah he had a good

fight with rampage

it was real good

fight the first two

rounds were real

close and the

second round the other one

blitzkrieg rampage

dropped them got on top of them was a real

good real good

round for for liotto

but the first two

rampage in a lot of i

guess in the

judges eyes

edged them just edged them

although the

other one the

third in a pretty good

good margin

by good margin

it’s still rampage got the decision

and he won the

first two rounds by the judges

but it was real

close real close

first two rounds you know

right those are

ones are like this

the two for us

go either way then it’s like you don’t know

what’s happening

i think they decided that rampage was pushing

the fight as

the moves away

you know leo

does pretty

practical and

moves away but he still

punched the fuck out of people yeah

i don’t think many

many blows were really landed

clean blows the

first two rounds

then the third round

yoda really

but it’s just crazy that

randy is gonna be

fighting him at 48 years of age

you know he’s a nut

man guys doing

movies and he

still wants to get in the cage

those guys in the face it’s in the box

is the legitimate

top shelf guy

dude this ain’t yeah this ain’t

james tony he’s

gonna fight me machita

leo to machita

yeah you know machita is so fast with his hands

so dangerous

he knocked out

tiago silva

tiago silva is yeah when he was undefeated

yeah yeah they

knocked him out on the ground there’s both

blasting them

got them on the ground and put them away

bam let laser beam accuracy

knock them the fuck out

thiago’s a beast

you know that guy’s a big

tough gorilla

he’s really good

thiago some strong guy

the way he beat the shit out of

brandon bear yeah

beat him apart his nose was fit

that was the ugliest nose break i’ve ever seen

and he got released by the ufc record for that

well apparently

that releases in dispute now

and because thiago silva path

it had two urine

samples and one of them tested positive

so i think they’re like

they’re having another test

but there there

if if it comes in no contest

then brandon bear doesn’t get cut

wait they’ll uncut him

yes i thought they just cut people

because they

make a decision like you know what you’re not

i don’t think they can if you win

really the only

thing i think

that can if you win is if you violate some sort of

ethics code what if

they give like four or five contracts so i have

three or five contracts

but they have like

a certain amount of time i’m sure

i’m sure it’s

whatever it is

you know it’s

at the end of

those fights they can be like yeah we don’t want there

must be something that yeah

but there must be some option and if the

fighter loses

then they have an immediate option to cut them

because yeah because it’s almost always got to get cut

i mean i’m sure everybody’s contract is different

but with brandon

i mean if it becomes a no contest then he’s not

then it would

i i it might be

that contractually

he’s allowed to stay

it might be that because that’s not a loss

i like that that guy’s a cool guy

brandon’s a

great guy he’s a

great guy he’s

having a hard time man i don’t know what happened

somewhere along the line

some things

changed for him he was at one

point in time when he was

fighting as a

heavyweight man he was a killer dude

you know we were

talking about him in

heavyweight for a

while he smashed

frank meyer

he knocked out justin iowa

with a head kick

you know he choked out of suario

silva he was a

beast man he was a dangerous dangerous guy

but something happened

and you know he lost to tim sylvia and

broke his hand and then

lost a febreze super doom

and then he lost to john

jones the john

jones one was a big one

you know but you know either lost a few

fights already by the time that rolled around you know

so it’s this hard we lost to

keith jardine

at his first two

o five pound fight

so what happened there

did he lose to keith yeah

yeah jardine gets

me so pissed he just can’t get back to the usa

you cannot get back to it

yeah i mean guys he’s beating there are in it

you know jardine

i like that guy a lot

he’s quite a character

that’s one of the cool

things about the ufc is all the

weird characters you get to meet

you can get a person

if you’re just

fighting with mostly

you can get whatever kind of personality you want

yeah you don’t have to be corporate

yeah yeah like

donald’s her own

just a fucking weirdo yeah

those people are fucking cool weirdos yeah yeah

yeah he’s a cool cowboy that likes

apple products

he likes those are

cuters that you yeah look

control he’s really he’s

an interesting guy to me too because he’s so adaptable

you know he’s got a wicked

guard and wicked

stand up and it’s hard to take down

and when guys

take him down man he’ll fuck you up off his back

he’s dangerous off his back

there’s some guys you

get him down on the back and they just kind of hold on

you know they have a good defensive

guard maybe they can get up

maybe they could

again back up

but very few guys are really dangerous attacking off

their guard lexironius

it’s real dangerous

off his back you know who’s really good at it i saw a

fight in strike force

it was some like

lebanese dude

okay guard musasa

yeah he was attacking the fuck he was

punching up from his back

raise armenian

i mean whatever it is

you know i mean

yeah he’s punching off that i thought

i thought he was getting the better of that exchange

it’s funny you said that because that’s the

exact same discussion that i had with someone else

a very educated guy

recently who thought you know if you looked at it

i can’t believe it to him

he’s on his ground is bad but

on his back means you’re susceptible to things

not that it is bad but

you’d be more

susceptible you know boss root and won the


championship off his back

really well yeah

blasting kevin reynold

with elbows and

punches and

he couldn’t stop

random and from taking him down but

random and couldn’t

stop lost from fucking him up once he had him down

at the end of the fight

you know boss had

landed significantly more

stuff from his back and so the

referees and the

judges rather

gave it to him it was a big

point of controversy because a lot of people thought

kevin randall was on top he

should be winning

the boss is landing

all these shots

from the bottom yeah but it’s like let’s say let’s say

you have my back

okay which i’m in a really

position let’s you have that for four minutes of around

right and then you

cross your fucking feet and i do one of

those moves

where whatever that is

the foot lock

yeah it’s like

you lost i want yeah so it

doesn’t matter how long you were it’s like you can

say you had a dominant

position but show me

with a win or by beating somebody up scoring an

mma is a very

weird thing you need to get better at that that

annoys me as a fan yeah it does

annoy me too

there was this

nick ring and

ricky fukuta

fight this weekend was

particularly bad kuda

took nick ring

down every round what

what beautiful takedowns controlled top position did

an awesome job of

he’s a wrestler and he seems

doing an awesome job of utilizing his

skills and he got robbed and decision except

a lot of people booed

everyone went

crazy it was real bad one of the

worst ones i’ve seen when

judges are two

rounds off and that one like oh that

could round go either way not like that regular

round and when they’re two

rounds off from each

other it’s like

don’t the players have to know

going to third

round if this

is down one

thing this is one

another example of how badass dana white is

he gave the guy his win

bonus he did yes

gave the guys win

bonus that’s

like the guy got robbed

so we have both of my bonus yeah

yeah he gave

those men bonus

wow yeah i know he did that

once when somebody had to pull out i

think it was

the other armenia had to pull out of a fight

and so who’s so mad that he gave

his opponent

his win bonus

oh really he’s like it ain’t your

fault that he pulled out

right yeah yeah

yeah i remember that yeah like

panic attacks or something yeah

yeah there’s like that you get your

son it’s not your fault you should you can fight

it like that

yeah he’s a very

generous guy when it comes to that stuff it’s

cool to see you know

and he’s right you know that guy won man

you shouldn’t have

got fucked got fucked because these

judges are incompetent like

you’re fucking

his record up it’s not anything you can do about that

so many competent

judges man but i honestly

think they need to revamp the scoring system

we can’t just

leave it open to

subjective interpretation of what is more

worthwhile is it more

worthwhile to take a guy down or is it more

worthwhile to hit him with a jab

is it more you know

if you hit a guy with a jab

and rock him

and then he

shoots for a takedown gets on top of you and

doesn’t do anything

who wins that exchange i mean that’s a good question

i mean i think to me i

think it’s clearly the guy who

blasted you

and they got

taken down but then he took you down even if he’s not

beating you up

like that’s like

a failed submission attempt

does nothing to you

the trip wears you out a little bit

fighting off the rear

naked or something

but like true

well you have to

score it because the guy came

close close yeah

depends but you also have to be

skillful enough

to know what

close really means

because they’ll be

you know i’ll

see a guy when the guys try to get him in a kimora

i’ll say he’s not

gonna get or

he’s pulling in

yes go ahead and try but you’re

wasting energy i know when someone’s wasting energy

i mean i’m surprised

every now and then

but for the most time

most part i know as a

fighters that are

with the weak position no to like on safe here right

some judges don’t know that

some judges

would look at

that and go he almost got him with that guillotine

no we didn’t almost get him with that

i’m telling you

son we almost got him

he was proud

he had he was very close

guys good at that technique no

you have to be a someone

who actually

trains in jujutsu

and trains and

striking and it really

understands the

subtle nuances in

order to judge it

and i think

you know they

think that you can take

these people they

never even box they just

judge boxing and then

teach them how to judge

mma it’s like

there’s too much shit

going on they don’t understand

they’re not

gonna know near

submissions they’re not

gonna know when someone’s totally safe

they’re not

gonna know when someone’s doing a technique

wrong and the guys

never gonna tap

sometimes guys will get

like certain positions and they’ll yank on

a technique and i’m like this is like this

doesn’t work from this position yeah

it’s guys on the

wrong side or yeah

so but but the person who’s the judge

isn’t gonna know

they don’t know that guy’s

waste this time

that when i’m in a crowd

and somebody just laying the ground

like grabbing an arm and we’re just go

you like shut up

nothing you get

upset yeah you’re

super fan quit making me interested

ari’s a super fan

you’ve been in so many

ufcs dude whoop

yeah but it’s so many actually this is the

first one i actually skipped you’ve been the more live

ufcs as a spectator than i have man oh yeah

i got a chance to go to a few of them as a spectator

hilarious it’s true

yeah i don’t get the chance to see very many live

fights as a spectator

i only get to see

you know it’s for me it’s it’s all calling it and and

watching it it’s not the same

you know you can’t can’t get

drunk you can’t get

popcorn yeah you can’t

you know go out

the bathroom

you can’t talk

it sucks we don’t mind

if you talk

while the fights are

going on either because there’s so much action just

don’t stand up

it’s so fun too to

watch it in the audience

everybody’s in it together and everyone’s

cheering together

like no one

understands they do a

great job how

great the entertainment

value that is the

music they get

the everything

they don’t like

there’s nothing they don’t

cover there’s nothing i

would rather see

there’s no movie i

would rather see

that would take

place of me

going to see some live ufc

fights no way

the greatest

movie ever was like

come on man

so i think avatar is awesome

you know but it’s not anderson

silva versus vitar belfort

and i got to sit i got to

watch clay guida fight

diego sanchez

yeah and one of the best flights i’ve ever seen

sitting next to clegued is mom yeah

while i was on

edibles and it’s

and it was the the best fun i’ve ever had in a

fight i was on my knees go i got the fuck

that was at the palm to it was

real and that was the best

things we ever got

were front row

shit everywhere

yeah if you’re ever in

vegas and you’re

you want to go see some

fights in vegas

see the ultimate

fighter finalities

all the ones they do at the palms if you want to

that’s to me the best

experience you know

and if you go live

and the seats are really good

every seat is good every

seat above yeah it’s the best

place but a lot of times

doesn’t have the marquee name

fights though you know unfortunately but the

still it’s fun man

it’s fun to be it’s real intimate i like that intimate

show i like that 4 000 seats or whatever the hell it is

how many is it what do you

think that is

on four thousand four thousand

i don’t even know if it’s not

good online to get checked what a perfect decision

that place is

seats are set doesn’t go in most

places like the mgm mandalay whatever any stadium

yeah it goes back out away from the

thing yeah but this it only goes back like

thirty rows or so and then it goes to the next level

do katt williams does stand up there

yeah at least the limpanel i did too god damn

that’s a lot of the around i guess

is it no no because you know the pearl there’s like

a set up on the

stage so i’ll be backstage yeah that would be backstage

they’ll put curtains up

yeah dude that place is giant

wow what’s the biggest

crowd you ever performed in front of

i think it was this

las vegas crowd i think it was 1700

yeah i don’t think i ever did 1800 i

think we had 1800 seater but we didn’t fill it up yeah

where was that i think the more we got

1500 or something yeah

i think that was the biggest yeah

this vegas one was giant

i think about more than twice that is the palms

more than twice that

is what the pearl

more than twice the

mandalay bay theater

jesus the biggest

thing i ever did is the k rock

april foolishness show

i think that’s

like six thousand people six thousand it’s huge

it’s really huge

you know you get a little nervous for that yeah

so i guess a lot

of people that

might get excited

it was a lot of good people on the card too

jay moore was on bill

burr was on

sarah sudman

was on i’ve done it with patton

oswald i’ve done it with a lot of people you know

it’s it’s awesome man

it’s a it’s a fun show

and those guys are like huge fans of comedy

so they have all

these comics that come on the show all the time

so that the audience members totally get used to

these people

that’s the thing too i remember

reading about this in

a con essential last

laughs thing

just a live event

where they just talk

about whatever happened in the year as performers right

it’s way for them to make money but

i remember people

saying reviews of it and people saying how

funny david

cross was and how

funny carlsmanci it was

and it’s like

those are such varied

tastes like how

can be a fan because like people can

laugh at things

and someone

people say like shouldn’t like

the layer the

cable got same sort of

thing it’s like why the

fans like you and him

right so right

why should they not

right what’s

wrong with that they something

they’re into

well you know there’s always

gonna be a certain amount

of people that liked something that’s terrible it

doesn’t mean you have to be

upset by it

you know it’s

you choose what to be

upset by in life and

what people like

why would you be

upset by what it’s like

but you don’t do it with like

like oral taste

right if you like how you not like tomatoes

well some people

do though with meat man i’ve had a lot of

annoying motherfuckers who are

vegans who won’t

leave me alone

but it’s more of an

after all right

about eating meat

you know that’s why i’ve been saying that on stage like

i totally went

vegan because i

found out that if you don’t kill

animals they live forever and then they cure cancer

i’ve been saying that lately

lately on stage when i do my vegan character because no

because it’s fucking silly man these animals are

gonna die i mean i don’t believe in animal

cruelty but i think you know

you gotta eat animals that i guess

i get if you don’t think

that one’s right i totally don’t

think they should suffer i

agree with you on that

i’m in the game i’ve been buying game lately

it’s been a game

me like venison i love

going to restaurants and ordering venison

i found a place in

new zealand deer okay

deer and elk really good for you i have this theory

never had elk

that’s delicious reindeer elk is delicious

i have this theory

about animals that the animals that are tough to

catch are the ones that are really good for you

like fish fish are hard to

catch and they’re really like high

nutrition very healthy for you you know

unless they have mercury poisoning

from people in their fucking shitty pollution grain fed

grain fried is not

natural cows

it’s not natural for brain for them to be in grain

oh wait what is it when they’re off

when they’re all fat and juicy and marbley

like that that’s that

tastes good it

tastes awesome it’s good to cook on the grill

but that’s not normal for a cow

whichever one free range whatever it is

supposed to be

good for you like it helps

speed up your metabolism and like burnt fat

well free range beef is

grass fed beef

grass fed that’s it

yeah it’s much better for you

when you’re feeding animals

these grain

based diets

they’re only doing it to fatten up the animal

they only do it

and it’s funny because

there was a guy i talked

about this on the

podcast once and a guy who was a scientist emailed me

a really good description he actually works for

a chicken laboratory

and he explained to me how it all goes down

and he said that chickens

contrary to popular belief

it’s not hormones

you know chickens like if you ever

watch food anchoring

those documentaries they get

super huge and they can’t even walk

really it’s just

breeding they just

breed them to get that big

but with cows they pump cows full of all kinds of shit

they pump them up for all kinds of steroids oh really

and he said the

thing with antibiotics is

you’re supposed to like

say if your chickens

me need x amount of days to grow

but when you give them antibiotics you have to cut

like you can’t you’re not allowed to

bring them to

slaughter for like 20 days or whatever the hell it is

it’s got to work for

their system

so when people

are unscrupulous then they they’ll kill a chicken

even though they know that the antibiotics don’t exist

and then it can get in your system

and then you know hormones and all

sorts of other types of

things get your

system from beef and shit

same way it’s

weird people

reminds me of some steps

over park went to france to work on a

winery and they didn’t have enough

grapes to fill up all their

stocks that used

turpentine to

fill up the rest

because these

idiots they will not know

put the lock in

but yeah it’s a weird

thing it’s like

this it’s not

when people

when i grew up people said no you need only

grass fed be

really natural

it’s this idea like naturals better but sort of like a

zeni kind of thing

right spiritual

but it’s like

when you think

about it and

i saw this video it sort of

changed me a little bit

where it’s like no it is

different for your body one is good for your body

this type of beef that comes from grass fed

one is bad for your body that’s interesting i’ve never

heard that before i know it’s lean or protein they said

it helps speed it helps burn fat really

is it that raw almonds but they said not

baked almonds or salted almonds

only the raw ones huh

i need to look into that with

grass fed beef because i’ve

never heard that before but i

my theory about

game is always been that you know deer really hard to

catch elk are really hard to catch

and that like there’s a

great reward for

catching them they’re very

nutritious you know

it’s like a very lean and

high in protein and

i think fish in the same way i mean

i figured out how to catch fish

salmon in the wild are better for you than

salmon when it’s easier to

catch when you’re

sitting there

yeah this is the weirdest

thing they have a different color yeah

they have to put

in salmon they put dye in it to make it pink

because they’ve lost

their color the

light color

the live color that they get from being wild

wild as fuck out there killing minnows and shit

that’s the strong survival

for survival

that’s why they’re so good to

catch because

salmon are so fucking strong

that’s why they’re

so fun now they’re not just delicious

they fight hard you know

salmon fight

hard it’s awesome to

catch them we really got so

excited about

alaska dude we

should i love fishing man

fishing is fun as fuck

i used to love

rainbow trout fishing just you know similar to sam

they fight so hard man

we used to catch them all the time at

i forgot what’s the name of the

place jamaica pond

jamaica plains make a

plain massachusetts we go to jamaica

pond and catch rainbow trouts

fucking big ones too man it was fun

caught a big

brown trout there once was like three

pounds i was like holy shit wow

it was so fun

catching trout trout like

they’re such beautiful creatures trout and

salmon you know

magical colors to them you know

there’s that one fish that we were trying to

catch a time we went in anchorage we cut

salmon for a

while and then we’re supposed to

catch halibut

halibut which

is humongous

and that’s like it’s not like

i got one wait five minutes i got another one it’s like

you go after one

like a while

yeah they can be hundreds of

pounds yeah

and what you even

catch on a line and it’s

wrestling for

tiring them out

just break your line

that’s not crazy

that’s like

pull them out of the water yeah

and they’re delicious too halibut is delicious

you know there’s something about

catching something and then eating it i was in mexico

and cancun and i went to

we got on a boat

and caught these mahi mahi

and then they cooked them up literally

an hour after they were dead we were eating them

maybe two hours after that maximum and it was so good

the nick adams stories is this is hemingway

set of short stories that all sort of about him

but he talks about like he grew up like

on reservations like near reservations

i know the indians all the time

and he was talking about how

every fish he didn’t understand why

fish and fry them up immediately it was so much better

until by later in life he said that’s just the thing

yeah but yeah i guess it’s like

yeah the fresh

layers definitely

catch a trout and then cook it like

get a fire going and then cook it like

right after you catch it

i think fresh water is a lot better for that yeah

that’s a lot of

freshwater it’s very important to eat them fresh

they get gamey pretty quick i think saltwater

saltwater probably you have a little bit more time

maybe i mean maybe i’m just guessing

but salt water is so mysterious to me fresh

water is fun because you know there’s some great fun

fishes to catch like

largemouth bass and trout and stuff like that

but salt water is so

crazy because

you don’t know what the fuck’s out there you

know the ocean man

you know i mean you

might pull up a

grouper or something you know

a big giant bass looking

thing you know

especially if you’re in like florida

or somewhere tropical

holy shit you can

catch anything man

sharks you can

catch sharks

just see bass i mean there’s such a

huge variety

official came up like

twenty yards off our boat

jesus christ

killer whale or a

whale whale just well

twenty yards that’s so close

so close was little baby well but it was a dying thing

just kind of went up and splashed down but like that’s

right there we have our line the same waters happened

it’s weird that we distinguish them like like what’s

smart and what’s not smart

like whales like we discourage people from whaling

and one of the reasons

not just that they’re endangered people like you know

we feel like

you shouldn’t kill them like

they’re intelligent they’re closer to us yeah

in some way it’s

weird because

we have the opposite for retards

they shouldn’t

kill them because they’re not intelligent

it’s true only kill

and kill intelligent people

it’s good point

what is it about

whales in the japanese don’t give a fuck

they just kill the shit out of

like idiots

they’re not as

smart as us okay

relax yeah they’re not us

yeah they don’t fall into that at all dolphins or

whales they fuck dolphins up to yeah

didn’t see it either i

haven’t and i haven’t watched it i’m scared to

watch it because i know what it’s

about it’s all

about slaughtering dolphins

for game for

sport now they did tuna fishermen do it

you know they do it because the dolphins eat their tuna

right you know

i mean look at it

that way i see what they’re saying and they need these

tuna but god damn it’s so ruthless

i’ve seen some

videos online of them killing tunas

are killing rather dolphins are they just

going to talk

hang out and just fucking

start spearing

yeah well the

with the fitted footage that i seen is them cutting a

dolphin’s throat off

on a dock just slicing his

throat things

alive and it’s

dying and kicking and

bloods pouring out it’s really good luck

on the dock

hoisted it up

just got it this cut its neck open

vladimir it’s really hard to

watch man dolphin

meet me good

i don’t know i’ve

never heard of anybody eating it

i know they eat

whale shark

made i know

shark is delicious

alistair overran

eats shark shark and

horse meat horse meat

is that good

that’s always the

like it’s horse meat

filler well

not but is it good

you know alistair

says there’s a lot of protein in and it’s like you

sound strong

as fuck yeah

like you see a

horse racing in slow motion like those are

muscles that will

this just be there’s a

horse down the

street from my house

and it just sits in his yard

it barely moves

just stand still and then they take it for a ride

every now and then and this

thing is swole

yolked super

strong just

naturally super

strong not really

it’s always

in that cage

we think to look like that you

would think that

thing has to be at the gym all day you

but no it’s just

standing there just

giant rippling

shiny muscles

jesus i think we’re

right now it’s kind of late at night

unfortunately it’s

well we’re at 141 which is which means

yeah it’s 8 39

a lot of these people are going to sleep there’s

lights out around us and we’re being loud as fuck

so we will end this podcast on a plane

thank you everyone and ari

shafir’s new podcast will be called the skeptic tank

because of my love for shit

fan suggested it and because i like to


think about subjects

hmm intelligent analyzation analysis whatever anyway

it’s connected to the death squad

podcast chain

that brian has put together so if you go to

deathsquad tv i

think brian has them listed up there is that what it is

deathsquad tv

and then he also a

deathsquad on itunes if you go

to itunes through your you know

to the itunes store

you know it’s for free and you can find the

death squad podcast and just find ari’s

and you can listen to those individually and

alright so that’s it folks thank you for tuning in

oh i have to thank the flashlight even though

i don’t have one here

and this is an impromptu podcast

they do sponsor us and we appreciate them

so go to flashlight com and we can

use that on the airplane bathroom

yeah i’d use an airplane bathroom

but i’d have to warm myself up before i did it and i

think that would stretches

i would have to be no i’d have to be like

three quarters hard at

least before i got out of my seat

you know and then

in walking to the bathroom i’d probably lose at

least half of that so it’s like

and then i’d have

to go in somehow with some sort of a bag hiding this

enormous flashlight

but yeah i would use it

i’ve jerked off in

bathrooms and

planes before

how many times

for a while it was a

sport for me i was trying

to see when they say we’re not flying over arkansas

like oh arkansas

don’t get over that

so i try to run to the bathroom you know

a little check

map everything

and on that note

so if you go to joerogane

net and click the link for

flashlight you can

put in the code name rogan and you get 15

off and we got a

bunch of podcasts this week

tomorrow which is

monday duncan

trussell will be on and then friday we got

brian cowan

and then next week we’re

gonna try to do ari and joey again

cause the last time we did it the

power went out

so that’s it

thanks everybody

thank you everybody that came out to

sydney we had a

great fucking time

yeah awesome

thank you very much guys

and holla at your boy love you bitches

this special

edition of the joe rogan

experience like all of the episodes

of the podcast is sponsored by the number one male

sex toy the flashlight

if you go to joerogane net

click on the banner on the

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