the joe rogan experience
what what bitches
are we here yeah
brian cowan ladies and gentlemen
the one and only good to be here good to be here very
excited one of my favorite favorite fucking
human beings
to ever walk the face of the planet
thank you sir and he’s here to join us
at the fucking
birth of the apocalypse
as it’s happening right before our eyes indeed
build your canoes
what the fuck is going on man
building a canoe i live in venice bro so i’m
gonna i gotta have a canoe on the top of my roof there
are you really
thinking about getting
something like that i don’t know i don’t know if a
canoe is gonna save you
think about all that
stuff by the way
yeah you should
i’m always thinking
about worst case scenarios well you live by the
water when you live by venice
you really must take into account that we just like
japan are on a fault line
and that shit
could happen here
that’s a fucking nine dude a nine
a nine we can’t
even wrap our heads around what that means a nine is so
crazy i saw a
video and i
couldn’t believe how long it lasted yeah five minutes
five minutes five minutes that’s ridiculous
five minutes at nine
what people if people don’t know the richter
scale how it works
every one point is 100
stronger than the
point before it
so a 72 100
stronger than a 71
this was a nine
so crazy this is the only like no
human beings
have ever that are
alive have ever experienced that before it was the
biggest on recorded history no not
the biggest in recorded history but the biggest that i
think anybody that’s
alive has ever experienced yeah
and i believe it’s the biggest
japan i guess
it’s the fifth or
sixth biggest
earthquake in history and it’s
the biggest one
japan’s ever
i don’t trust
although what
happened what are you doing with the vines buddy
what you do you just change the volumes
is that right
yeah what you do i just turned on the headphones you’re
just too high no i turned on the head
hey joe i turned on the headphone volume because it’s
super loud in my headphones and the only way i can
i turned down my headphones as if i turned down
your voices look at him denying
oh all right got a little
tense really
quickly you know how
tense he got
i think i’m sure
i think i’m surewing right now
i think you
are too just keep it together
buddy everything’s fine just don’t freak out all right
don’t freak out brian is that a bat
the most important
thing to these things just let it happen
just go with it buddy
by the way have you shroomed lately
it’s been a few months
i haven’t shroomed in like
eight years cause the last time i shroomed i violently
was shitting and puking at the same time and
tripping in the bathroom
for like six
hours it was a horrible experience
so i have been kind of nervous to do it again
ate them last night
most beautiful thing in the
whole entire road
like amazing
there was parts i was with my friend
where i was
looking at them
and like their faces you
could just feel the energy coming from
their face like visually
it was amazing
how much were you on
how much did you take only
ate half an eighth and made it into a tea
and did the tea process where you boil it and then you
drink it and then you let it sit for like another
whatever 30 minutes or whatever and then you ate
those shrooms and
it was awesome
so you drink the tea and
it was so clean
did i ever tell you my
shrooms experience
the last time i did shrooms
cause i was never a
seasoned drug addict
i was with patty remember
patty sure so
i take mushrooms and i eat a lot of them
cause man i was like let me see what these are like
cut to me i took a four hour shower
and had i wept
i laughed i reassessed my life
and then i saw
started seeing myself from the side
i just started seeing my profile
and i was sitting on a wall looking down at me you
know my profile and i was like here’s a couple problems
my legs are way too
short for my torso
oh and by the way
i’m a coat hanger i’ve always wanted to be a barrel
chested samoan
i’m a coat hanger from a long line
peasant and i
irish stock
we were used to
being persecuted running
knobby knees the
whole thing was a disaster
genetics are not fair
no man you look
at some fucking football players some of those
giant goliath
you look at a guy like czech congo
like when you’re
standing next to czech congo
genetics are not fair
there’s dudes
that are born like your friend that we were talking
about in the
kitchen your friend your
doughy small
effeminate friend
that guy just
gotta roll the dice
looks like he looks like an overgrown baby
just a roll the dice man
he could have been
checked congo i know
motherfucker i know
if i could be
built like any
if i could have any gene
i’d want samoan
jeans samoan just big
they can take
a punch too man
jesus christ mark hunt he’s
a k1 champion he’s now and he’s
fighting the
ufc now just won his last
fight and he’s
famous for it
dude’s head kicking up and he just fucking
wobbles a little and then straightens
right back up he
keeps coming
they did a thing on if you are samoan you are 55
times i believe this was the number
and it was on 60 minutes
and i believe they said
if you’re samoan
you are 55 times more likely to play in the nfl
than any white guy on the planet
they’re so fucking
strong tongins the
maoris and the samoans they’re just on another level
giant bones like
wrists like
elbows and fast yeah
like a lot of fast twitch muscle
not this endurance muscle remember david tua
oh yeah david tua
could have been like i knew his trainer
dude he was so badass but for whatever reason
never really totally got it together
lennox lewis beat him
and that took
a lot of wind out of his sales because linux
tagged him a couple times pretty hard well
i know the guy that trained
tua for that
fight for the linux
lewis fight i’ve actually worked out with him
and he said that the
first time tua had ever done he
never done a squat
and i believe
i don’t want to misquote him but then he said
he put 420 on his
shoulders and
he did a deep squat he went all the way down to
where his ass is
touching his heels
and came back up and the
trainer was like who’s a
power lifter
that’s the craziest
thing i’ve ever seen in my life you’ve
never squatted
he goes no man
by the end of it he was like
they had to
attach two horses two dead
horses to a bar you know dude
he’s one of the scariest
heavyweight
boxers to come
along in a long
time he wasn’t able to beat the best guys he
could never beat
lennox lewis
but he could
put anybody to
sleep did you ever see the
fight when he fought john ruiz
no he caught
john it’s on youtube he caught john ruiz burrough
is a very big man
tough dude too
you know burly guy
didn’t john ruiz
fight holyfield like
three fucking times
yeah yeah i
think he did didn’t he
yeah he was
rough david too
put him to sleep
dude just jumped on him early
hit him with
those gigantic
ham hawks fix
hit him with like
he tagged him
early and then just put him away
put him completely
asleep well you know you wonder as more and more
money ventures into
mma some of
those guys who are playing some of
those herschel
walkers and
and michael vicks they’re gonna
start coming to mma yeah
some of the guys who don’t want to they don’t want to
be playing for a team they’d rather fight
also ironically way more dangerous
for you crazy right
than is any mma
career that’s so
funny that people dispute that but
everyone looks at it in
an emotional way you don’t look at it in a contact way
look at these people are running at each
other and at 50 years old take a look at
their heads yeah
i mean it’s not
even it’s not a little bit more dangerous
it’s way more dangerous way
more dangerous
those fucking poor guys
like that kid was his name chris
henry the kid that fell off the back of a pickup
truck and died
remember he was chasing
after his girlfriend receiver yeah yeah
really talented athlete right well
young kid i but i
think he was only like
twenty five
twenty five or twenty
i think he was
twenty five
anyway they
it’s fucking massive
brain damage
when they did an autopsy on him
you know the concussions that he’s had
since playing football
he actually
shrinks and all kinds yeah you get
dementia i mean that’s what lou gehrig’s disease is all
about i mean
a lot of these guys are getting it it’s all from
head impacts and just
irreparable damage i used to think
yeah because the als or lou gehrig’s disease
they used to
think was a function of
toxin they had all different kinds of theories but
they’re starting to link
they think they’re
starting to link
some of the
stuff to the als
syndrome whatever to to
head injuries
yeah there was a whole
bride gumble special
about it it’s
scary stuff man people take that real
lightly you
know they take head
trauma real lightly
i’d say well
we don’t we’re
learning more and more i
guess now and now
you know that really
raises a huge question which is
if indeed you can
start to prove that
four concussions or
three concussions cause
brain damage if that’s the case or and and and
if they’re able to actually measure this
mm hmm it will
put a real onus on the nfl to figure out
a way to either change the rules or make helmets safer
but then you don’t have football
right you know
so it really it kind of it does it raises
isn’t rugby
probably safer because they don’t wear helmets
they probably don’t
smash each other yeah i
went to a rugby
match recently actually in the
south of france with i
think it was like the basque team
with these god
i’m attracted to you now
you international
travelers i go
to soccer and france well
it’s a summer in the south of france of course i play
france france
france yes and
i wish i could speak that way
i would be that really pretentious man
well you know
compared to a lot of people what you just said was that
yeah i didn’t
hear me i’m so i’m talking about
going to a soccer game in france
like what two
things i don’t
need no rugby
tight shorts and
soccer rugby
okay so one
thing i noticed was that
they’re just
as they’re huge men a lot of samoans
just huge dudes
rugby players are studs by the way real you ever
seen that thing that they do
that that strong
that strong
dan no that
dance they do
yeah the haka that’s the alt
holy shit dude that’s the new zealand
all blacks is my favorite
thing did you see ever see the
black and white one there’s a black
and white one
every one of them
i’ve seen every one of them
more than it
does it’s like
an adidas ad is that what it is yeah
fuck it’s good
have you ever seen that no if
you’re listening to this go to
haka dance new zealand all blacks
and there are
so many of them and take a look at that it’s a war
dance and they’ve been doing it
since the 1800s and it’s
carried on as a tradition and they take it pretty
fucking dope
you would think it’s
stupid like what is this dumbass
i got a really good one you see this one do freaks
he just he just
literally just
freaks they worked themselves into a frenzy man
yeah dude it’s a fascinating
thing to watch
it’s fun it’s real
you know what i mean like
they’re going
crazy but it’s not like
i don’t feel
like you’re faking it i feel like that’s what they’re
thinking that’s in
their heart
right it’s that
moment yeah
yeah i believe him
jimmy burke
by the way our dear friend
jimmy burke
from new york
got in a fight my friend got in a
fight with a guy
cause he told the
guy he looked like a combination of rudolph nurev and
he was this big guy walks out he goes he was
drunk goes dude you look like rudolph
nureyev and some
other old actor and something like
i don’t know like
clark gable or
and the guy’s like oh and he goes
and then he comes
back and he goes what’d you say i look like rudy rudy
as he walked out
he goes get rid of nerd he was a gay dancer gay dancer
i think he’s that amazed but anyways
the point is
and the guy goes
looks back and then he comes back and he goes
who’d you say i look like that’s gay well he goes rudy
it’s rudy anyway the guy takes his jacket
let’s go outside right now
so jimmy goes out there and my buddy jerry is with him
and he says to
jerry whispers he goes do everything i do
it’s like january he takes his
shirt off he’s got no shirt on it’s freezing
and he starts doing the hakka dance at the dude no
but he’s not looking at the guy
and the guy starts to flip and the
bouncers are holding him back and jimmy
never looked at him and just did the hakka dance
but made it really
sexual hakka dance
and he was like
and he’s not looking at him and flexing
basically posing we have to explain this guy
jimmy burke for this
story to really work
you tell this
about a normal person and you’re
gonna be like what the fuck are you talking
about that doesn’t even
i can’t even make
sense out of that like that someone
would use jimmy burke is 50 years old
we call him the national treasure
he’s got a very
long neck he’s got very red skin he’s got no eyebrows
and very very one of my favorite fucking
jimmy burke lines ever
he goes i ran into her accidentally
she thought i was
stalking her she goes are you
stalking me i’m like believe me
honey if i if i was
stalking you
wouldn’t be caught me
and i have stalked her
fucking funny
this guy funniest craziest i had it for the
impression at the beginning but then i lost it
i need to be around him more i need to see that guy i’m
gonna be in new york
and i got his number you remind i will he’s very very
he’s enthusiastic he really moves his mouth
and by the way by the way
he’s in very good shape
very good shape
holding and you hold that mouth position
very good shape
and wait for your reaction you’re like
you know what he does
you know what he does he makes children cry
no babies he goes
he loves kids he’s like hi baby
and sure you’re not
even babies like four year olds are like
he’s like and then he looked at me one
time he went down to the baby and i was playing he’s
going oh yeah
sure enough i’m like one two
three takes
three seconds
i look like skeletor
i look like a red skeletor
and he looks in the mother
he goes i’m so sorry
his face looks like it’s plasticine
even when he
says that if you know him it
doesn’t make you uncomfortable but
if god if i didn’t know him
and there was a guy like that i’d be like
this loose cannon
i can’t predict what he might do he
might do something
nutty well he did this how about this
i’m saying this podcast i hope he’s listening
i literally
he first of all
he rides his bike everywhere
he’s 50 he owns a bicycle and a tv and that’s all he’s
and that’s all he wants he’s like how he’s
always been he’s a monk he’s a true monk and
and he’s in better
shape than anybody in the world
he says come downstairs i’m on 57th and
between 8th and 9th and my
mother’s apartment
he goes it’s
literally 12 at night
in new york city
on like christmas eve you know
around christmas you know
where everybody’s on the
street you know to everyone he goes
come downstairs i have to show you something
come down in five minutes
click i go all
right that should be good
throw on my coat i go downstairs i’m
standing with
the doorman outside i hear from a long long way away
with boys a party on
tears and he’s rides by me in a down jacket
cowboy hat and no pants
and no pants
and he’s riding he’s popping with his ass in the air
and i see this this dead
baby bird this
this pet it looked like
a large boy
he’s hung but
it’s just that no hair
on he’s got little red hairs on it it’s a disaster the
whole thing is
and this white body he sees
neon white neon
like irish like
lost the pigment
like golem lost
the pigment lottery he gets in the sun he
starts smoking
literally he’s like a
vampire i swear to god
so he’s got this incredible
and he just
and this woman goes
he’s coming this way he’s coming this way
and he goes
merry christmas
merry and literally i just see
he bites by his
ass and i see his two balls his 50 year old balls just
swinging like a pendulum
outside and
a woman goes
he’s coming this way he’s coming this way he goes
merry christmas
and screams at him and he goes have a
great time turns back around and
tries back a block
in new york city
jesus christ
he’s a streaker man
what is he doing for a living these days he still
training only
acts and you know he said
he does he does
funny job he’s
got really rich friends to all want him around
so please come
come on the trip it’s a
private jet will take you anywhere he’s like all right
that’s the thing
about james
very few people in the
world especially when they get to their names
can do this can be like
dude you wanna go to
tibet all right
there’s no plans nothing nothing nothing makes you go
and what does he do just call his clients hey i’m not
gonna train you this week or not
or not he just goes to tibet
it doesn’t say anything to that
and they show up at their appointments plus his dad
know jimmy’s are so he goes all over the world for free
he’s such an odd duck man this
i’ve always
admired how how what a free spirit he is but also like
how like you always think like guys like that are
gonna you know some point in time
at least make an attempt
to appear to have their shit together no
he’s an amazing guy and i’m gonna tell you
the other thing he is he’s
truly made peace
with like with he’s a true atheist like a real atheist
he’s truly made
peace with the fact that he
is only here for a
short period of time and he’s
dying to him
is not something he’s afraid of he came down with
tuberculosis
but they didn’t know what it was
because he had
been exposed to it by his grandfather when he was
three years old
so he starts
going to the hospital
and they i get a call my
buddy says they’re looking at they
think it’s lung cancer or that disease that
those 911 firemen
get that where your
lungs disintegrate from breathing all that stuff
either one they’re both fatal
so and they’re looking for
it and they tell him look this is probably what it is
and i was with him when
shortly after he knew all that you
would never have
known and it’s not the nile
he said to me he
goes he told me what the a prognosis was and i was like
jesus my best friends i was like this is the
worst thing
and he said
i said how do you feel you seem so normal he goes bry
first of all if i’m
gonna die i’m gonna
treat it like it’s a comedy
and oh by the way my funeral
better be a good time and you better make people laugh
oh and by the way i’ve made
peace with my life i’m not afraid to die
and i saw that
firsthand which i thought was just you
know he’s just an amazing guy
he’s got a good grip on
things in a
weird way yeah he reads
everything he knows i mean he knows so much he’s
very very bright guy that’s why it’s so strange that
guys like that almost always
in somehow or another
they fall into
some at least
semblance of normalcy
you know you know what i mean like
they’re not 50 with an
apartment and a tv and a bike right
you know like
you try to get your shit together you run a
house somewhere yeah yeah we’ve got a house now
you’re looking to buy
but you know we don’t
know what anymore or
you’re ambitious which
he never was he’s never
and it’s not like anything
self conscious
about either no
is this guy ticklish
um i don’t know let’s find out
brian i don’t know
brian you got some time this weekend
hey did you see what gilbert godfrey said
about japan yeah
what do you guys
think about that
have you seen it
well let’s read the
quotes read the
quotes gilbert godfrey
yeah to me it was like all
right that’s
that’s not even trying to be like
edgy or like i don’t know what he’s
thinking like it’s pretty funny
yeah i mean but
still i don’t even
think that’s even to me
yeah too soon well what
did you think
what did you
think about
what he said
i just thought
definitely does he realize how many people died
you know how many kids died how many
fucking you know
seriously there’s time
where you should just not do anything and there’s
definitely i
think a time period
you know yeah
i don’t i don’t try to
say anything like that you know
i mean that’s what i felt i’m not fucking raising flags
and protests i
think that’s fair
to be i think we
should all be more conscious
of people’s feelings this is what 50 cent said
50 cent said
look this is very serious people i had to
evacuate all my hoes from la hawaii and japan
are you serious
i had to do it lol
he gets points up
until the lol
yeah that’s right
first of all because lol
lol especially when you have just the
first letter capitalized
and then the next one not that looks really fucking
stupid dude
all right that looks dumb either you
going with all caps
or no caps with your lols
okay second of all are you a girl
no then what’s with the lol
okay listen
that’s for girls and retards
that’s what lols for
girl but the
the idea behind it you know that you just
start immediately
making jokes about
all these poor fucking people that got hit before i
think that’s a defense mechanism
i think a lot of men have that as
defense i don’t have a problem with people making jokes
about it why wait you know
i think what he said was hilarious
i’d evacuate all my hoes
i mean come on that’s fucking funny 50
cents one was fine with me what did
godfrey say
okay you had a much more gilbert godfrey let’s
see what his tweet said
gilbert godfrey’s
tweets were
oh they’re not even showing them man
they covered them up
well it’s not in this one what was one
was like a lot of stories where they’re not one was
kind of like hey my girlfriend broke up with me
don’t worry another one will
float by soon or something like that yeah
i can’t find them unfortunately
i think sometimes when you’re trying to be
funny sometimes things can go awry
yeah well i mean he’s just a silly guy you know
he’s a silly guy who
who’s funny in the doing yeah but
that’s something you say to your friends maybe
i hung with him a couple times and i’ve
laughed harder with that guy
we did an episode of csi together
we just had the most off
color fun in the world but you also
you also got to
understand the mentality of the new york comedian
newer comics are always trying to over insult
you to the point of being you just
completely outrageous like
jim norton told a really funny
story on opie and anthony
about louis
ck and him hanging out
in the in the village
and lucy k just walks up to him
and slaps his
pizza onto the ground and says your mother’s a cunt
like out of nowhere
and and and jim norton is
laughing while he’s telling us and he’s like i was a
juicy slice of
pizza to i was so mad
but it’s like i’ll read you the text that will status
sends me because we have a relationship like that
where he just we try to
insult each
other the worst we can
he started calling me a mule
and just and he sends me the most outrageous text
i can’t even describe
those those
relationships with
friends like that are fun like people don’t understand
you try to get like
eddie bravo and i do that shit to each
other all the time
but anyway gilbert godfrey is in
you know he’s a comic
and when you’re a
comic you mean sometimes you
write shit and
you’re writing shit really for people like you
and for fucking gilbert
if he was at home
and he was reading someone’s twitter
and he started saying all this shit
about japan he would be
laughing his fucking ass off
it doesn’t mean that he’s not a sensitive guy it
doesn’t mean that he
doesn’t feel
you know bad for all
these people it’s just it’s also
funny well i call them one
time i was doing yeah but have you ever seen a little
asian girl cry
so adorable now times that by millions
and then little gilbert goffier’s
going over there
oh listen man i don’t
think it’s right to say
those things
but i think
it’s funny to gilbert
it’s funny stuff i mean it’s
funny to me too
look i feel terrible
about what happened in
japan but those are
still good jokes and you know he’s yeah
they’re good jokes but not good jokes
maybe depend
on your twitter
i wouldn’t say that
no listen i
wouldn’t say them
i wouldn’t say him for a
bunch of reasons that says i
wouldn’t want to say anything that
would hurt anybody’s feelings like that
especially someone who just
randomly got i don’t care how
funny the joke is yeah i don’t
think i don’t think
that’s yeah i don’t
think gilbert is the kind of guy whoever
he’s not got no sacred cows to him
he’s gonna say the joke and he’s
a good guy he’s not a bad guy
it’s just that he’s looking for the
laugh there’s a
laugh there and he sees it
and as a comic he just goes for it
and then people
freak out and get upset
about it i’m sure
he probably
never expect he’s from the
age of no internet
you know he’s from the
age where you
could say anything you wanted so
you know those guys they
developed that way you
forget how many people are not into what you’re talking
about you know
and that’s what it becomes and that’s okay
yeah it’s okay
the problem
the only problem was that he’s
commercial artist as well
he does commercials
and that what that’s what
fucked him they pulled him off of a campaign because
you know look
obviously this is a terrible tragedy
you know and no one’s no one’s trying to make
light of that no but can’t you can’t you both
mourn for the people and
laugh too is that
possible and i was
gonna say this is what i was
gonna say is that
you you know
for the most part i
think in tragedy that’s exactly what you need
the last thing somebody is
going through a
tragedy needs is a
bunch of other people acting really somber around that
right and suppressing happiness and
laughter and
i’m not saying that
you should be
happy that that happened of course not
but shouldn’t
you know shouldn’t we
try to be the happiest we can at all times always
absolutely and i
think there’s always room for humor
and it does take some of the sting out of it if you
it’s very soon but
think about how a lot of times you do deal with
with things you
start marking
when you’re actually over something by
how easily you can make fun of it
and how easily you can take those
sometimes you’re pushing that too
quickly obviously and i
think there is a
time to reflect and be safe
personally i
think but you know i agree
but there’s something to people
about making a joke
about a situation
as to not being
able to feel for the people that are in that situation
and it’s not it’s just that god it’s so far removed
you know it’s way over there
that he doesn’t even
think about it he
just says the joke
right i don’t
think i mean i
would never do it and i know you
would never do it but
he’s just a
comic man that’s what they
do and a good one and he’s
a comic that’s like
known for saying like the most offensive yeah
like one time
i do every year i do the
doris roberts children
with aids benefit so
we do stand up
kevin james does it sometimes it’s a good time
sarah silverman
and we got up and we do
20 minutes in this big thing
and i called gilbert to see if he wanted to do it
and gilbert
gilbert’s a
great you know and i know him and
he just kept
going fuck the children
and i go no but listen this is a benefit
fuck the children
i’m not doing whatever
he wouldn’t stop saying that
until i fucking
finally had the hang i was like oh fuck so
he seems like when he’s on howard
stern that he very rarely has a real conversation
right what if
this would be
funny what if the
same shit happened in
california though listen
you’re right and then he did a joke
about how morning we lost half
our friends you’re
right you’re
right you’re
gonna be totally different no no
no you’re right
brian there are guys in
japan and in england
everywhere else that
would be saying i mean
yeah i agree with you that it
would hurt yeah
but i don’t
agree with you
that he shouldn’t be able to say it no you
should say it but you should
put on your twitter and
openly almost brag like look i’m being
fucking edgy
i think he made
you know you’re pushing it in your face like
almost like
i think gilbert
you miscalculated and made an
error and judgment that’s
twice he did it
twice or three times he did
three different
tweets he did a
bunch of them
yeah all right he took them down unfortunately i don’t
think it’s the mother
on tmz if anyone’s looking for him there on
tmz’s website i think the
second or third page
i mean you know
i like gilbert and i don’t
think he means what he says and i
think he was just being a comic
and probably just pushed the envelope a little
we’re apologist
so let me read yeah he’s really good on jam
here’s here’s what will sasso
wrote to me
this is literally
like i just i’m just doing minding my own business
and i get this
text from him and this is our relationship and
speaking of
of kind of being able to joke around he goes
you’re a fucking meat
pod i go what
what’s a meat
potty is a fucking anthropod made of meat
you’re a fucking
you’re a fucking all fours walking meat puppet
hey meaty meaty mule
ready to hang your
slack face through
much town while
you i can’t
you mosey around on all fours turn the mule
go round hey mule get over here and lick
these mites out of my ass
you guys sound like you’re
queer for each other yeah
let me read this
gilbert godfrey
japan things
sorry you’re like a little
child over there here’s one
japan is really advanced they don’t go to the
beach the beach comes to them
i just split up with my
girlfriend but
like the japanese say there’ll be another one
floating by any
minute now wow
that one’s fucked up
you know but whatever man
you know if you’re
gonna want these guys to say fucked up shit
about other
things you’re
gonna accept it when it’s something that you know that
either is close to home or hurt your feelings or
or you feel and i feel bad i
absolutely feel
bad for the people that had if they had to hear
those jokes and they lost someone over there
absolutely terrible
but you know
fuck is it worse
the joke does
the joke actually make the idea of i mean how
could you hurt anybody
worse than losing a
loved one there’s nothing
worse the joke is not
gonna make it worse
especially you know
i was thinking
about that just have
your children whatever just washed away
just washed away dude i
watched some of
those videos
it’s so terrible some of
those videos there’s
the initial
video where it
breaks the wall
and you see
these boats
come over the top of this wall the sea wall and
start smashing through houses
and it’s like
whoa man like that is
it’s unbelievable it’s such
heavy duty fury and then he realized
how much fucking
water is there out there it’s an ocean
god damn it why
would you live so
close to the ocean
you know like i was in malibu this weekend we went to
the there’s a
place called malibu seafood real
nice place for
you know like
this is like a good little
fresh seafood
place in malibu
and as we were driving i was looking at all these
houses that are like
right on the beach
and they’re
ridiculously expensive
you know for a little tiny ass
house it would be like five six million bucks
like they’re really expensive you talk
about in malibu
yeah in malibu
and i’m like wait a
minute they’re on the beach
like what kind of
trust do you fuckers have i
don’t you got
trust that that shit’s
gonna stay there
like i remember the
first time i ever
was in a car high
eddie bravo was driving
and we were in redondo beach
and we were
going over this edge of this hill
and i look off to the left hand side and i see the
ocean and it was the
first time it ever
occurred to me
how much fucking
water that is
just sitting
right there
what we saw
the japanese thing
was just a little
it was just like it
moved in its
sleep like the ocean
just really amazing was
those videos by the way like the
house is just
i mean incredible
it makes you really realize what
could happen if say there was a
like an asteroid impact or
the canary islands
the east coast has to
worry about the canary islands because
apparently there’s
a volcanic shelf
that if it drops off and it will and it has in the past
drops off into the
ocean it will
cause a fucking
tidal wave that will
drown everyone
a mile in on the east coast
the whole northeast
coast is just gonna get
fucking slammed
with this insane amount of water
you know what’s
weird is that
when i watched that wave come through
i thought the
houses could withstand it sort of i mean they just go
under walk you know what i mean
but instead it got all just
up even like telephone poles got up
the mass of that
water is something i don’t
think pushing
debris yeah
exactly pushing
it’s like a huge
like like the
thing like the mob or whatever that that
right right right yeah
yeah absorbs
everything yeah
yeah it’s it’s got
fucking cars in ours
yeah it’s like a huge like a
meat mush of
stuff and there’s so
much energy behind it i mean didn’t they say that the
tsunami wave was
traveling something like 500
miles an hour i
think when once they get an
earthquake on the on the
bottom of the
ocean the ripple
effect can be as fast as 6
so i guess yeah
astronomers i can
start underwater that fast like
fuck man it’s just energy i guess
he said it created
a breach that was
or i don’t know what the word they used to describe it
but 50 miles wide and
270 miles long
that’s how much
moved on the bottom of the
earth’s surface crazy
that’s like
those rogue waves when you’re on a cruise
oh i’ve seen those
sometimes fuck a cruise ship dude fuck that
fuck that i hated when i was on a cruise ship too
that scares the shit out of
me not only that here’s what i think
about on cruises
what a perfect way for a maniac to
randomly kill people just
throw people
off the boat
i’m just gonna
jump you off the boat
do you think
they don’t i’ve been on cruises
at 12 at night nobody’s
on that deck and nobody’s stopping the boat they don’t
what’s that shit called
what’s that shit called
where they say that people on boats sometimes like
gaze out into the
ocean and just jump off
for some reason like there’s like a term
for it no no no
no they call it like oceans
dream or something like like they get transpired
by it almost
yeah and it’s
probably i always thought like it’s probably doesn’t
exist that condition is just people getting murdered
and there’s
no ocean mermaid kiss
remember in the
odyssey when
odysseus tells the sailors not to look at the sirens
or not to listen to the sirens
cause if you listen to them
you’ll jump in the water and try to
you’ll try to follow them and then you drown
and a lot of the men didn’t
cover up their ears
yeah it was the sirens
and isn’t there a celtic myth
about something like that as well
what was that oh brother where art thou
when the women in the water are they sirens
is that what they were they were mermaids aren’t they
no they were like temptresses i love mary
that was a great fun movie that
comes from the coen brothers are the best man
i forgive them even for movies that end with no ending
cause i loved when they just do
weird shit they just take chances
maybe barney barton fink
yeah it was such a
great movie with john goodman and john tutorial dude
fargo man still holds up go back and
watch raising arizona oh yeah elf
what the fuck bro
elf is good i watched that last night that
doesn’t have anything to do what we’re talking about
i’ve never seen an elf i can’t can’t comment on it i
haven’t will ferrell’s hilarious
you know what i did see i went to see red riding hood
because of a fucking completely fixated on
werewolf i’m friends with i’m friends with the director
of red riding hood
really really your friends with the
chick who directed twilight
yeah are you wearing a tampon
or anything
i don’t know i’m
good friends
with her with her
with her boyfriend what jamie
we play cricket did you guys talk twilight and
did you ask her serious questions and pretend you
enjoyed the movie okay now
do you think that they really love each other or
for me like i felt that but i just he’s a vampire
making this together
please tell me that you got an insincere
conversation with the
woman who was the director of twilight
about how great the movie was
no we actually ended up playing running charades
please tell me
that you i wish i had she’s cool man she’s really cool
i actually watched the first twilight
and i didn’t have a problem with it i was like well
it’s not a bad movie but there’s been way worse movies
it’s not for me it’s not my
generation it’s for children what do you think
i saw the second one
the books are amazing come on
try live the book
anyway go on i got to
i think it was the
second one i was like all
right this is getting fucking dumb
yeah this dropped off
first one was pretty good
a good job capturing that teenage angst yeah
that achy love yeah it’s like an achy
love sort of horror
movie was kind of like a key love but more
exciting than the usual whiny bullshit i
fell in love with her to kristen
stewart i don’t know what it is
about her but i just wanted to
you know she’s my friend john’s daughter
really yeah john stewart was the the
i guess i don’t
know his actual position assistant director i guess
on fear factor
he was the guy who
organized everything on the set he’s a
great super pro
he’s one of
these guys talks like this we got you over there
buddy have a seat will we get you in five
tn5 just always on the ball
juggles the
whole set like a fucking
champion we had a
bunch of people that did that job
and they all
stumbled and
fucked up and people it’s just too much work
but this guy’s like an old pro he’s been around forever
and he was telling me
about his daughter doing some
movie with jodie
foster i’m like yo why you letting your
daughter act i know
what’s that about
and then meanwhile listen to me i mean his
daughter now is
one of the most
famous actresses in the fucking
world and you
know she’s probably
made enough
money to retire
for the rest of her life she’s making a lot of
money she’s so pretty something
about her i just find so
like she doesn’t try
she doesn’t really even wear makeup she just is
i just say you know there’s so much to be said
for people who can just be present and not
not try to do anything and not try to be
but before we
start in any conversation
about a girl
i have to tell you that you know that you are
always attracted to girls that look like they may cry
you are you are the guy who comes over
and the girl is standing out in the rain
and you and she looks like she’s
gonna cry and you’re like hey look what i found
let me get in my
horse and ride over there
yeah you love that that’s
the best that’s the funniest and best way to describe
that’s you buddy
you and i have talked
about this many times
i’ve had to rescue you a few times
yeah you have i had to
and i actively
ignored you a couple times a
couple times and a lot of
money there was one time
where i ran into brian and
brian and i were in hollywood and he said i’m gonna
bring this girl by the time i’m dating i
would love to see her and
she goes hi nice to meet you
and i shake her hand i look at him i go come here for a
second and i go
i take him outside i go listen to me
i go she’s crazy she’s fucking crazy
i have like the most ridiculous
crazy radar
and when someone when there’s something really
wrong with someone
my body goes on red alert well
guess what she was on meth
when she met you yeah meanwhile
i didn’t know i didn’t know what the hell i knew
i just thought she had energy and she was
squirrely as fuck
as soon as she came over dude she was so
off the charts bizarre
and shaky and weird
and she’s saying
hello to me
i pull him aside all she said is
hello nice to meet you
and then i go whoa
come here for a
second i take him outside and i go she’s fucking
crazy listen
let’s get out of here
right now let’s get out of here
right fucking now
just you don’t have to say goodbye to her
just call or tell you
never gonna hang out with her
again anyway
the long end of the story is
chaos all sorts of
things happen he
breaks up with her and then many many years
later how many years
later was it that you saw her walking
tell the story
walking on the
street about a
year tell the
story keep it
kinda okay okay
okay that’s
we’re on the
dl we never name any names
yeah i know no it’s just you
dated a hundred methods
that’s true
it could have
been any one of them it used to be my thing
nothing really good comes out of that hole
that whole drug man
if nobody ever said hey i did meth and then
everything worked out yeah there’s
problems and i did some meth and
everything just i got a new house
and my body looks great
you know it looks
what’s tricky is that adderall stuff
which is kind of like a
speed right
i mean isn’t it cocaine
it’s cocaine
is it it’s just cocaine
that’s what it is
is it probably that’s what it
feels like to
me when i did it just felt like i was on cocaine
well that’s probably because most of the cocaine
you got was cut
with arrow with
speed oh yeah yeah so i
think it’s like a
speed yeah speedy
yeah because
the late great
robert schimmel
god bless him
rest his soul
and all that good
stuff great guy
he he told me once
i ran into him just
randomly he told me
about accidentally taking someone’s adderall
he thought it
was something else he thought it was like his
blood pills you know he had a
heart attack
right and he thought it was
a and he had cancer yeah he’s a
hit a lot of fucking serious health problems
makes makes you
maybe didn’t have a
heart attack
maybe just had cancer
anyway he had some serious health problems and he um
he took this adderall by mistake
and he called his doctors like holy shit i
think i took adderall by mistake what do i do
he said you can’t do anything just kick back and
enjoy the ride
yeah it’s gonna be with you for the next 12
hours but you’re
gonna be fine
he goes for 12
hours i just organized all my notes
he goes i just
started right he goes i got so much shit
done is that what you take it for to be more
clear yeah some people
take it in it like
add people usually take it yeah
buddy mine’s on it he’s on it all day
you know him too we’ll talk
about it off the air
but he’s on it all day
he takes it all day
every day he’s prescribed by a doctor
really yeah
i don’t know
what specifically they said he needed it for but
man he’s a fucking workaholic now
it’s like that fucking
movie that’s coming out with bradley cooper
yeah you know limitless
limitless where you take a pill and all of a
sudden this pill makes you like super focused yeah
i’m sure they’re
gonna come up with stuff that’s adderall bro
i mean there’s a lot of fucking people on adderall
i found out
about adderall when i was on fear factor
because there was pas
production assistants
and the production assistants
were all like college kids you
know they were
all like doing it like a lot of them were
you know they’re doing it for
you know just getting out of school
first gig and they’re doing it you know as
part of their classes
and they would
start talking
about how they
would take adderall
while they’re in school
so i was like you know kids are taking an adderall
like what are you doing
and they’re like oh my god i can’t even go to
school without adderall
i was like what
like what are you talking
about that’s what i thought was interesting
about did you see that documentary bigger faster
stronger yes
and you know
people say well you’re taking steroids
and then they’ll be gene doping and all kinds of
things and pretty soon
they’ll have nanotechnology that kind of oxygenates
your blood but
they said you know
steroids are illegal but yet performers can take beta
blockers for
example that actually keep them from getting nervous
the debate really can they really they’re
allowed that’s
legal well i mean you know
apparently i mean an orchestra
one of the guys was an orchestra
violinist and he takes beta
blockers because it helps him
he otherwise
doesn’t get nervous he’s much better at playing
the issue is
that is a performance enhancing drug
you could you
could make the argument right
and right but that’s like
the diversity
violins and steroids
pretty well
but it brings into question
but but but the debate still is
they’re both performance enhancing
drugs one make sure muscular because that’s what was
required in your
particular endeavor
right whereas the other
makes you focused
you know your fingers are more
relaxed whatever it might be
it’s just an interesting debate you got
where do you draw the line
i say personal freedom is
where you draw the line
i think you
should be able to do whatever
you want to do if you want to take adderall and
write books all day good for you
why would i give
individuals the choice
it’s like when
bloomberg in new york
mayor bloomberg
made restaurants were not allowed to
provide foods that had
trans fats i believe i don’t know if that
law went through but that was the that was the what
exactly are
trans fats i
think trans
fats with penises no i think
just knocked it out of the park
there it is
that’s why he’s here folks
i think it’s like
a partially
i think a partially
hydrogenated
oil something
whatever it is it’s not good but delicious
you know what man i want to be able to eat not
good but delicious in terms
if you’re gonna make a trans fat illegal let’s go
let’s make up two things let’s take white flour and
sugar how about
fucking cigarettes man yeah
before they even
touch that where do you draw the line that’s
yeah white flour and
sugar make some delicious donuts that’s
where you draw the line now if you eat too many of them
you’ll get diabetes
but give me a break you know
you’re gonna make it
you can’t you gotta figure out
where to draw the line you make people weaker
people should be able to make their own choices
based on the information
that they can and nowadays everybody can get
information i’m always amazed that so many people don’t
spend more time taking a look at what they put in
their bodies but
some people
worry about like
access to children this is like the big
worry yeah yeah i hear that
about adults but what
about my kids i
want my kids to
worry it’s never been
it’s never not been a worry
that the answer to that is not to take away
adults ability to choose
things for themselves
it doesn’t make the
world a safer
place you want to try to make the
world a safer place
let’s take one example
lower the speed
limit to 36
miles an hour
it’ll save lives
i can measure that for you mathematically
you want to
lower the speed
limit no we’re
gonna have it
at 55 65 because that’s the way life that’s
the pace life moves at
and by the way people die at that pace
but nobody’s
gonna slow down
cause the slow down
is ready not worth it
so you’re putting a
price on human life
which we do
every single day as a society
and we have to
that’s interesting way to put it you
could spend more
money on airlines you could
spend actually more
money to really really
triple safeguard
planes you could actually do it
wouldn’t be worth it
because price
for everybody
would go up
and you wouldn’t be able to fly that way
we make these decisions subconsciously and consciously
every single day
my friend johnny used to said
why don’t they put a big parachute at the top of the
plane right
it’s like such a
smart thing
great i thought
about that i’m like god damn it that’s like some
genius shit
right why don’t they nobody even talks
about it no i like when they find that
when they find that black box
i was like why don’t they just make the whole
plane made out of the same shit did this
that was hacking 87 it sure was
why don’t they at least give you parachutes per
you know like underneath your seat just in case of you
just last you’re fucked anyway bro that’s
500 miles now
they don’t fall out of the sky usually most
plane crashes happen on takeoff and landing
so that’s that’s so you’re a pair of parachutes are not
gonna do shit it’s not like you’re in the air and the
what you need is some sort of
adamantanium
the shit that wolverine’s bones is made out of
right like a
shield that you put around you on impact what
matter because in fact the percussion your brain was
maybe you maybe you
or just my brain would be fine bro
we’re just a huge shot of heroin with bubbles and stuff
i got padding in my
brain maybe you bro whatever joe’s getting competitive
with you he’s getting competitive
who can take more impact this is just a
stupid conversation
i hate this podcast
yeah last night when i was
strumming and went outside and looking at the stars
when you’re sherooming is the most fucking amazing
thing in the
whole entire
world they were just
pulsating you
sound like you’re riding a dolphin
right now dude
with a unicorn
blowing him
and over a lot
right now right
now unicorns licking his ass always got
hay around his asshole all the unicorns look at
as i frolic through
i want to shure
him every day
i don’t think that’s good for you bro
i think that’s
what happened to the mayans that’s my latest
i have this bit
about the mayans
but the mayans you
know the reason why they came up with this end of the
world shit see
they were fucking doing mushrooms and like staring at
space all day
like there’s a certain amount of mushrooms you
should stop at
and then whatever the fuck the mayans did
cause they disappeared
you know the people the mayan people are
still there that’s what’s weird
when i went to chichen itza i went
and went on the tour of the ruins and
everything like that
there’s people there that look like
those mayan
sculptures there’s
people there that have
those mayan features and they’re really tiny people
it’s really bizarre
so the mayans it’s not like they all died off
but whatever the fuck they were doing was so crazy
that it got to a
point with human sacrifices
the whole thing just fell
apart you’re doing
human sacrifice i’d call that pretty
crazy and raiding
other villages and
might have been a lot of it
might have been that they were just
getting fucked up on mushrooms all the time and just
going to war on mushrooms and we know the vikings
went to war on mushrooms
they would become
berserks the scots they
call them berserks yeah i don’t know what mushroom they
took i’m sure someone on twitter will tell us but i
think it was the amanita muscaria
which is the one that’s linked to siberia and
santa claus
and cause they
would get naked
they would get
naked and they say they’d cry blood
yeah well you
know listen man if you fucking put yourself on the
right mixture
you know and you
gotta go to war you put yourself on some
crazy i do it next dimension mixture
you know you have to go to war
we think of war as something to be
avoided but when
you’re living in 1 ad
there’s no avoiding it
there’s dudes with
swords and they’re coming on
horses and we
gotta get a
spear and the
weird thing is
the way they
would fight is that
like the way
they would fight i always
think about this if i was in the front
line you want me to charge into all that all
those blades
and just fight like that
i’d be waiting i want to be the sniper
wanna be the there was no
avoiding that
that shit happened i’d
learn the bow and
arrow quick
yeah but even that man eventually someone’s
gonna run up on you and hack your leg off
it’s a bad way to die what a
crazy way to go to war
those fucking
braveheart movies but
you know what you have
two armies they meet across a
field and they just run at each
other i know
did they really rock it like that
i hope not i
wouldn’t have
done that at
least they had anesthesia and antibiotics back then
right i wouldn’t have
stopped them
finchers i would have stopped to bend over to tie my
metal shoelaces
do you know how sucky it was to live back then
you died of
things like
tetanus diphtheria
whooping cough
smallpox how about
starvation and
animal attacks
starvation animal attacks
other other like
countries coming in and
going hey we’re
gonna kill you and enslave your kids and rape your
wives you know what people have forgotten
about man wolves
cause all this talk
like we gotta save the wolf
the wolf are amazing majestic
creatures yeah
wolves used to eat fucking kids man
there’s a reason why all
these little red riding hood with that
movie that i saw all these
three little pigs you
reason why there’s
wolves in all
these children’s doors
cause wolves
would fucking eat your kids
they’re out there man
and they’re getting
stronger and bigger
did you hear
about the wolf pack in siberia or
somewhere in the soviet union
performance or
wherever you
know russia
whatever it’s called oh they
found meat 400
they found meat
they had found bear
dna in their feces they were killing bears right
well no that’s not what i’m talking
about i’m talking about
a pack of super
wolves there was 400
wolves in this russian town
and they were killing
horses they were ganging up because it got so cold
apparently that all the animals that they prey on died
so they started
breaking into
places and killing horses
and there’s 400 of them acting as a super pact
first of all living in siberia in the wintertime
and they’re like
i’m not sure if it’s siberia
it’s somewhere obviously incredibly cold in alaska
because everything died
everything froze to death
this has been a lot of
freezing to
death lately man
or in vietnam
7 000 fucking
i think was
oxen oxen or
some wild cow or something or
whatever the fuck it was but 7 000
large animals died
wow with all
these massive die offs
that’s happening
this year i mean all of them together i don’t remember
any die offs
i think they
always happen i
think you think so
yeah i think in nature you
always have diabs and by the way you also always have
viruses that come in and wipe out for example
wild dog of africa
that dog you
know a lot of from what i’ve read and seen i believe
they get one of them gets distemper
and then the
whole pack dies you
know they just
spread it back and forth i had a dog that had distemper
it was scary as
fuck yeah it’s
scary at a rescue dog he was a doberman
and he was real sweet
and then all of a
sudden out of nowhere man he just
started snapping at me and
growling at me and i was a little kid i was like 11
one of the great
things we’ve done
as human beings in the 20th century is
really checked most
pathogens most diseases like that
we have come up with
an ability to really make them slim to vanishing in our
everyday lives
when was the
last time you knew anybody who died of a disease
and if you read any kind of
literature any
literature pick up any book
from even 1948
even if you
watch plays
there was always
everybody had
dealt with different kinds of plague whether it was
influenza in this in
the worldwide
influenza that hit this country
very very hard
in the 20s or
or polio which put
countless children thousands of children
on iron lungs they died and then they lost
their ability to walk
and our own president
i mean our own president of the united
states got polio
and was in a
wheelchair now
think about that you know
when he was governor of new york
theodore roosevelt i’m sorry
franklin roosevelt was you know
i think he was governor of new york yeah
but he was basically
walking and
standing and then he got polio
when he was at the height of his power
and at the height of his
power is when he caught it yeah
yeah then he became president
yeah there’s no
doubt that it’s
the safest time to live ever there’s
never been a time like this
you know with all the violence that we have
think of the
population the population has dramatically increased
when people say well
things aren’t like they were in the 70s
motherfucker do you know how
many more people there are than they were in the 70s
in the 70s there
was probably only 3 billion people in the
world or something
but we also have
what the other
thing is amazing is we’ve figured out ways to harness
food like you know
india wide swaths of
india and southeast asia and
especially like china
went through terrible
famines and
never had enough to eat and a lot of that a lot of that
stuff is a memory
thank god it seems to me though that
these things are happening much more
frequently i
would like to
think that it’s just because of our access
to information that we have with the internet and
twitter and all
these things so we find out
about disasters
whether it’s in chile
whether it’s in
china whether it’s in new zealand
we find out
about them in real time
but i don’t buy that man i feel like there’s more
i mean i guess someone
should do the research or
maybe someone
already has and i just need to find the site but
i think more
things are happening now than i can ever remember but i
think i think i’m trying to be objective no i
understand but i
think we all have a tendency
as human beings also number one to
first of all i don’t
think there’s ever been
a time in history
when people
weren’t predicting
the end of our race sure
and i’m talking about
first century
the first century’s pharisees i mean you know and
or the essenes i mean that the
in the bible that’s what they talk
about they were apocryphal you know yeah and and
that is that is so
much a part of our nature i
think not only to always
imagine disaster and
prepare for disaster
but to predict
disaster and i
think that the one
thing that’s for sure is that you will always deal with
these what they call
black swans these
sort of aberrations
that come out of nowhere and take the whole
chess board
and throw it
the air and that is as much
about the human
experience as
anything else
and i think that if you
always keep in mind that all this can be
taken away from you
or can change you
or can throw your
what what your your
whole contract that you came to this
table with in
rip it to shreds you that’s
a problem no one’s read that contract
this is the real problem with
human beings
we all just
exist and we don’t really
think about what the fuck is
truly going on
until something nutty happened that’s
right and by the way remember a lot of
psychiatrists will tell you that all of us come to the
table with a contract
like we all
make deals with ourselves we say if i work really hard
i’m gonna get this job
if i work really hard i’m
gonna get famous
i work really hard
i’ll make a lot of money
and a lot of times
life doesn’t work that way for a
whole myriad
of reasons a lot of times by the
way it’s because people aren’t honest with themselves
and don’t realize what they’re actually good at
versus what they want to be good at
we see that a lot with acting and all
these things but i
think you see it everywhere
but at the end of the day most of us
it’s really
interesting the social scientists because they’ll say
a lot of times we have a contract
come to the
table and we say this
is what happens we get
older it doesn’t happen
but human beings
are also really really good at creating what they call
synthetic happiness
they can they can assess what they got now
versus what they did want
and they realized
it didn’t work out and then they’ll just
start to really love what they like
this social scientist did a really interesting
study between people who won the lottery
and then people who became
paraplegics
and he measured
their sort of happiness on a
broad sort of scale
a year later and
found that they were both in the same place
because the people in a
wheelchair had done such a good job
of embracing
their new reality
and that just means a lottery
winners are retards
that’s all that well yeah i’m
saying but it’s crazy
but you got no if you won the lottery dude you’d be way
happier than you’d be in if you were in a wheelchair
unless you’re an
idiot well but i’m just saying
human beings human
it’s more a comment on the people in the
wheelchair yeah who are able to come
what i was saying man when i was saying
that the people
aren’t exactly
aware of what’s
going on here’s the deal we live in a society
that was collected
over the course of hundreds of years of innovation
it’s created
off the work of millions of people that you’ve
never met and all
their combined
efforts and discoveries
have allowed
you to live this really simple and easy life
and that’s what we’re all doing
and we are all raising children
with the same
ignorance that we have
about what this is all
about in this country in this country in all countries
no one knows what the next
stage of this
existence is well i
think for example if you look at
india and you look at
china and especially
india india is
becoming a real hotbed of
innovation and
those kids work
they’re slaves
no they work
i call them when my dell computer
doesn’t work
but they’re
smart and a lot of that
innovation is coming out of india
i’m sure there is man
i’m sure it is what i’m saying what i’m getting at is
no one has earned this life that we live
right now no one that’s
alive has it’s a
collective effort
but as individuals
very few of us
are even putting into perspective
normal things like our own mortality
the mortality of
our very climate
the mortality of the
structure and the
shape of the continent i
think because
in a lot of ways we’re more comfortable
today than we ever have been plenty to eat
you can go away
from biology
you don’t worry about
these diseases you don’t even really have to worry
about war for the most part that’s new in our country
remember in
2011 if you take even 1985
half the world was
under communist
dictatorships
who had their missiles
pointed directly at our
major cities
that doesn’t
exist anymore there really is for all intents
and purposes
one superpower one military
superpower in the world
and russia is no longer a threat
think about that
we now have nato most of the
eastern european
countries that
were our enemies are actually part of nato now
who do you talk
about north
korea and iran
may be significant to an extent
but certainly nothing like the threat that the soviet
union was so i
think people you’re
right i think people for the most part
are a lot more
relaxed and
feeling a lot more secure
everything is better now people are
smarter now people are nicer now people are more
aware and informed now they’re more
aware of their own mental and
psychological problems we’re fatter now
bigger asses now the
question becomes
the question becomes what’s the amount like
how much discomfort do you have to
experience to be great
cause i think
greatness does come out
to a large extent out of
doesn’t come out of comfort and luxury i
think it doesn’t
seem like it
does but sometimes it can just come out of discipline
well they’re struggling that discipline
if you can be the type of person really
you know you don’t have to be
living a terrible life
that’s right good
stuff you know you
could be living a
great life as long as you’re disciplined and you really
tune yourself into it as you’re
right yeah you know but you were talking i thought
i had a thought you were talking about how
you know genetics suck and pretty soon you know we’re
gonna be able to kind of choose our genetics
but the question becomes
you know i think of myself what
would happen
well but the problem with that is that so much
i’m worried that we’d lose our
color cause so much of what i
do and what drives
me worried really
is it white
color no no
no no color like
color flavor flavor oh
nice recovery
not color i mean like our flavor our i think
because because because so much of what we do
so much of what i do what drives me
is that i’m compensating
for my inadequacies or my perceived inadequacies
that’s why i
worked out that’s why i did martial arts that’s why i
wrestle i felt like i was
sort of but it’s always from the
childhood wow the
place that a performer comes from yeah me too and
you know and everyone we know everyone we know that’s a
comic there’s always
but what i’m saying is in some ways god
bless a dysfunctional
childhood yeah
and no because you’re one of a hundred that didn’t
you know there’s a hundred like you that
smashed on the rocks on the way up to the top of the
cliff you managed to bite through vines with your
teeth and get to the top and you took a deep breath
and now you’re okay
but you didn’t have
to be okay and neither did i anyone with a fucked up
childhood like the idea of
encouraging a fucked up
child to create an interesting
child no no no
really i mean that’s really what you’re saying but the
trick of life
isn’t the trick of life
it isn’t the
trick of life to turn
to turn that
which is bad into something good yes it is the
trick but some people fail at that
trick and then we have criminals wandering through the
streets that are dangerous and emotionally different
human beings it’s very easy to destroy a
human being yes
it’s not hard at all man just
raise them terrible
you know i mean
it’s always like some feral
child in russia you hear
about raised by dogs you know like holy fuck
you just stop and think
about it like what the fuck
that kid’s been eating dead birds and shit well that’s
that’s the thing
about getting raised by dogs but like poodles
or something like that
that’s the thing about
that’s the thing
about what’s so weird
about contemplating like disaster like the one in japan
any disaster any
anything has a ripple effect
and and the
crazy thing is that
that sometimes
to one person’s loss is another person’s opportunity
it’s just that
dance that constantly goes back and forth and there’s
one side something terrible happens
and it opens up a whole new
world and opportunity for a
whole other
group of people
you know whether it’s
somebody opens a
i don’t know
a company that provides
quake relief
and now he’s employed 60 people who can feed
their kids whatever the case
right it’s just this constant dance man
and whenever you try to pinpoint
or treat life like it’s a noun
you’re you’re in
trouble and by the way your relationships are a verb
everything is a verb
yeah everything is always moving
everything is in flux
yeah you are too
you know everything
is the whole
thing is there’s nothing
static but that’s what everybody looks
for that’s the problem with the contract everybody
looks for that
golden years
they look for that moment
where they can stop
no man i think that
i think if you keep growing
and you keep yourself
so you keep surprising and
shocking yourself and
maybe even scaring yourself
which is hard to do but you if you
sound like an actress
right now to
sing a song to
my song you
sound like some new
chick the next
blockbuster
no way the fuck out
of me i am beautiful
the worst earthquake
you know everyone’s talking
about what gilbert gottfried said
no one is no one said dumber shit than what sharon
stone said well
after the chinese earthquake
you remember that
she said maybe you know
i’m friends with the dalai lama
you know maybe this
earthquake in
china is karma because they’re of the terrible
things they’ve done for tibet
wow i remember that what like
you think innocent people thousands of them
thanks a lot sharon
you’re an act
crushed by rocks
all that you know and she’s a name
dropping little twat
i’m friends with the dalai
lama i’m sure
i’m sure he
thinks about you all the time
i’m sure when
he’s doing his montras he’s like sharon
stone sharon stone
you know sharon
you know the girl who
basic instincts
actresses etc
no excuse me you mean the girl from
above the law the
steven seagal
debut movie all actors including me look
the fact that we worship actors is the funniest
thing in the way if an
alien came down they’d be like wait a
minute you’re worshipping
these people who are
basically good at being emotionally available
and pretending
is that really something that it’s a skill
it tells a good
story what’s more
impressive that or golf golf golf
golf takes a lifetime
yeah but i like
movies and tiger woods probably can’t act fuck golf
i don’t know man because
i think both are equally ridiculous
i’ve always said that it’s one of the funniest
things in the
world that people
think that a guy’s a hero
because he hits a ball into a hole in the ground yeah
but you know what i like
about golf it seems so silly but
i like about any
competition like golf or any game
is that it requires
when you want to win at that game it requires you to
basically do all that
self examination
you gotta face up to all your obstacles
you gotta deal with your performance
anxiety you know how it is to try to get better you
see minors to
choke that’s the
point of competition i probably
would love golf that’s why i’m terrified of it
but i play cool
you know dude
don’t ever pick up a golf
don’t ever take
gulf i’m not going to
i know how you
won never say
never i’m not
going to i won’t play
chess either
for the same reason but
for those of you guys
who don’t know this
about joe rogan
i always said most of the public actually
knows very little about joe
for example
he can draw really well he’s
a notch below pro pool
player he is he is
he knows more
about pool and
he’s actually a really good
draftsman you can draw like really really well
that’s what i wanted to do when i was in high school
before i got into martial arts
i mean but what was
your comic book you’re a
great marsh
you’re a real martial
artist you’d be a nightmare to fight
you can draw really well
and you um i’m
short balding
you’re short balding you hum
like a donkey
my asshole’s
never clean are you not wearing pants
i was that dirt
underneath my fingers
but wait there was a
point i was making and i’m too high to remember damn it
pool playing games oh yes
but the problem is
that you’re so intense that once you pick something up
it’s like that game
quake when you played for 50s
and passed out
as you were leaving your
he drags me to
store and he’s getting these
handles and
he’s like 30
he’s getting
his handles and all these like
weird things
it’s and i was like what are you doing what’s all
these what are
these grips and
stuff he goes
it’s for quake i’m playing somebody in sweden tomorrow
i will crush him
i was like whatever with a thousand yard stare dude
you play connect to
you you have no idea how
we’ve talked
about this in the podcast way too many times but
quake is too fun
quake is even more involving than pool
i won’t allow myself
to those games because i’m
yeah they’re too good now like years of war like we
cliffy b put up epic games put up the
unreal 3 engine
the new engine
they put up a demo
fucking hey
man it just
doesn’t it looks real it looks like a fucking
movie man it’s so
i do this joke now about
about how we’re
fighting wars now like that you know like what yeah
and stuff guys in nevada and florida think
about that you’re killing
75 000 miles away but it’s a
video game and you’re actually taking life
you wonder what that does to you psychologically
when you come home and you’re eating dinner but
my joke was like in 20 years the war hero is not
gonna be the grizzled
guy with the shaved head and the scars he’s
gonna be the chubby dude with huge
thumb muscles
who smells like doritos weed
you know what i mean
well that was the
movie starfighter remember
the movie where the kid had to get really good at a
video game and
when he got good at it they came down and took him to
fight in the galaxy that’s what it’s
gonna be well
these pakistan drone
things are fucking frightening because it’s such a
great area too it’s like we’re not really in pakistan
we are in the sky
above pakistan
but there’s no one in the plane
and and you don’t hear it yeah
when i was in afghanistan i
watch those things
taken off all the time i was like look at that thing
it’s it’s not even
it’s not even
manned it just takes off dude hell fire missiles
that’s all you need to know
what are you doing bro see this
cliffvb’s epic games
infinity blade video game
they go through
they go through like that hellfire missile i
think i believe somebody told me
can go through like a foot of
steel or something
like a foot of
steel the idea behind it is so
crazy that you can just
pilot something from halfway across the
world in real time
trust it to just
you pull the
trigger it’s only the beginning how much of a
delay is the lag there has to be some lag
well i don’t know you can actually
watch that on the internet because
that’s a big thing
about playing online when you play online it’s all
about your ping
and if you have like
one ping or two ping like you’re in the server you’re
local to the
server anymore though ping isn’t internet
like so fast no
it makes a big
difference ping is in
milliseconds it
absolutely matters
i mean it’s the
guy with a higher ping than you can
still beat you
but you definitely have an advantage when you’re local
like say if
this is like say if we set up a server in my
house right
and i set up
a server and i’m here connected to the machine
but other people have
to connect and get the information through the internet
so they’re paying say if they’re down the
block at the lowest they’re
gonna get is
maybe a 10 this is back in the day i don’t know if it’s
changed you
get like 10 ping if you’re lucky
but that’s because you’re here
but if you’re in sweden
or somewhere like that
no doubt about it you’re
gonna have a
slight delay it
might be 150
milliseconds
might be 200
milliseconds
it won’t be a full second
that’s unbearable you can’t do that
250 milliseconds is
where it gets squirrely
like you can’t really what’s
weird about this is a
human reaction
can get to the
point where you can’t
like you can barely measure it like when they do
sprinting you know how the olympics you
know when they
shoot the gun they
shoot a gun
but that’s for effect
they actually if you’re running the 100 like usain bolt
and you’re in a race
they have that
they shoot that
sound off behind you why
because it’s got to
reach all the guys at the same time you shoot
it like this the guy at the end is the last to hear
about it and they’re so fast off the
blocks that
the other guys
already already
gonna win the race
you didn’t hear it in time so they
found that when they shot back in the day they’d be
shooting it here
the guy closest to gun
would always have this advantage
and so now and even when they send that
sound off now behind these guys
the problem is the
sound dissipates to here
so it starts you know
you gotta have it you
gotta have it have it originate somewhere
how do you get it to all of them at the
exact same second
cause they’re so fast off the blocks
you’re actually giving the guy
who hears it first
an advantage
and they win
it’s like it’s like the guy
and check this out
you know the difference between
fourth place and
first place in the downhill ski event was
in in you know
whatever it was
it was two blinks of an eye
can’t can’t
is it ready
gold gold gold
nothing gold
nothing whoa
nothing that’s fucking nuts that’s why
swimmers trim
their fingernails
that’s why i mean don’t don’t
they try to keep
their fingernails long
why the act is like little paddles no so that you can
touch because it’s you’re dealing with hundreds of a
second what
yeah they grow
pimp nails you
try to it’s all computerized the minute you
touch that the
minute you touch
that so if you were
built like kusamar palhara as you’d be a terrible
swimmer because you
wouldn’t be
able to have that big reach
those guys are albatrosses
my green nails
that’s fucking fast so that’s how fast
human being
okay let me ask you this
how many of
those guys do you
think are doping
how many of
those guys in
olympic competition i don’t
think it’s possible to compete in a lot of
olympic sports without doping and without doing drugs
yeah like cycling
there’s no way why do you
think all of them why do you
think all of them get caught all of them
the biggest it’s the biggest joe i mean you know but
but but they’re
going after
lance armstrong bro i’m sure
they’re going
after him this is
which is weird
it’s like they get him online
which is a very strange thing
it’s like wait a
minute if you’re
gonna put people in jail for lying
how about most of the government
you know you can’t
stand a lie nobody ever
went to jail
for taking steroids but people have gone to jail for
lying to the government
about listen if they take him
his money away or if they take you know say that you
know you did some
stuff that was
against the rules and you know you
should be fined and we can prove that
that’s one thing
but they’re
going after him to lock him up man
they’re going
after him to set an example and lock him up for
something that everyone’s doing everyone is doing it
especially in
cycling but remember he
wouldn’t be arrested for doing steroids they
wouldn’t lock him up for that they
would lock him up for committing perjury
yeah it’s a big difference
weird right that’s how they got al capone
that’s how they get
everything right
or no they got
him attached that’s what
the case against
barry bonds is
the case is you perched yourself on the
stand right how
weird is that like
you have to tell us the truth
and if you don’t it’s a
crime well you don’t know
you have the
right to take the fifth
right but you can
say nothing which is
one of the great
things about
our system you can actually
you can choose
to not incriminate yourself
i refuse to
speak cause i don’t
wanna incriminate myself and that’s
right but don’t they lock people up when they do that
you can be locked up if you are
given i believe now i’m not a
legal scholarship
i mean i’d be doing that all the time what
i believe you can be locked up is if you have evidence
and the government
subpoenas that evidence
and you refuse to speak
if you say i’m not telling on my friend
you can go to jail for that
they can put you in jail for that
and they have
they put a journalist in jail
because she
wouldn’t divulge
her sources
and i believe that was in the valerie
claim case yeah that’s creepy
shit she said i’m not
gonna divulge
who told me
that this person was a cia operative or whatever
and she went to jail and then
scooter libby
i’m not sure if i’m getting all my facts right but
scooter libby
it turns out was
pardoned by the president
later on but convicted of
telling divulging
an agent a us
agent’s identity to
a non authorized person
which is a crime in this country it’s so
bizarre how many different people we have all over the
world that are in military bases and you know
that are government operatives of the united
states that we have
positioned all over the
world to kind of keep an eye on
everything we always have
and it comes from the cold war and it’s a dangerous
place but the real
issue becomes what is
the us strength has always been
not that its
power comes from the barrel of a gun
the us has always been
it’s influence
innovation but mostly it’s a beacon of hope
where you can come here
and if you got the
stuff and you got the
medal you might just be a millionaire
that is something that resonates throughout the entire
world and always has
i wanted to ask you this because you’ve got some
experience in the middle east
what do you
think is happening
with all these different
places with
saudi arabia
with egypt i
think it’s a
beautiful thing and it’s a
human thing and i’ll tell you what i
think mostly most of all
i think that you
heard a lot of
analysts and professionals and people who follow this
stuff and people who are so called
experts and i used
to always hear something they used to always say this
democracies not
synonymous with
islam you’d hear that all the time
and i think what this
proves is that democracy and
let me define democracy
the desire for
representative government let’s just take that
the life liberty and the pursuit of happiness
just let me pursue whatever it is
those kinds of
things being able to
speak my mind being able
to petition my government being able to say something
against my government
being able to all the
things i take granted
those are human
rights and they
are not american
rights they are
human rights
and this proves that you can say whatever you want
about islam or anything else or any
other religion
human beings want a better life for
their children
human beings
would choose to have
represented government over a
dictatorship like jose
mubarak or a
dictatorship like
the royal family
essentially is in
saudi arabia
don’t tell me any
human being wants to live that way
and i find it very inspiring that one man in tunisia
lit himself on fire you want to talk
about a ripple
effect lit himself on fire because they took away his
license i believe he was selling fruit
and he said enough is enough
he was so desperate
and he said i’m
going to make an example this is my protest
you want to take
everything from me
i’ll light myself on fire
and i don’t
think that’s a good move but that was a
spark that called that
said we don’t have to be
afraid anymore
we don’t have
to be we don’t have to cringe and saying that in
these governments
like egypt in both
places where they have
where the military and
secret police come in
and do some pretty
awful things to you
that takes real guts so i
think it’s a real
i think this is
an incredible time in the sense that
the middle east is
changing it really is
changing and
it really is the internet nation of
course it is you can’t
keep information
away from people you can fool the people sometimes
you can fool all
the people sometimes you can be some of the people some
all the time
you can’t fool all the people all the time except
north korea
who said that i believe that was abe lincoln
right did he say that
who knows what the fuck abe really said
you know abe
lincoln was a racist
he was trying to encourage
black people to move to
south america because they
wouldn’t get
along with white people
it’s actually more complicated than that but i think
it’s more complicated than that of course he is
so he slept with dudes too hey
slept with dudes they slept in bed together stay warm
wow it’s no big deal
you gotta do what you gotta do man you live in
a fucking prairie
for res anders days
out somebody’s cock flies out of a speedo then you’re
gonna call me gay wasn’t abe lincoln a wrestler
he was very
strong he was
about six four and he was very very
strong they said he used to be able to hold an
axe like a one of
those big wood chopping axe
out for like longer than anybody else
with his arms straight like that he was a real wiry
strong dude
hold an axe
straight with his arm what a
weird competition that well that back
in the day they did all this
hopscotch hard they
did all those
weird things
right like you know
let’s see a whole
hind quarter of a mule up
above your head you know
there had to be a
first guy back then to try to
wrestle a bear too
i always think
about that stuff
who wrote a bull
who said i’m
gonna hey you know what
throw a testicle cinch on that bull i’m
gonna get up on him and see how long it
takes what country does that originate
in is that an american
tradition i believe that well i probably started in
spain they were like
knocking like a
rider i’m just
gonna kill it with a sword
it’s pretty badass
yeah you know what bothers me
about that though man there’s a
bunch of other dudes helping out well
because you know the madeira
bull i think it’s called the madeira
bull hemingway
wrote a book called
death in the afternoon
and he kind of
brings you through
what a fighting bull is about
you’re not allowed in spain
and some of you guys are listening to this
just check this out you’re not allowed in spain
to approach a
fighting bull on foot
you must approach it on a bicycle
motorcycle or car you know why
why because bulls figure out the way you move
and if they
watch you walking
around all the time and running around
when you put them
in the ring
with the matador
that matador
doesn’t have a chance
cause they figured you out
the first time a bull ever sees a
human being on two feet
by law in spain
is when he’s
put out there in
front of that matador
and by the way
by the way they
gotta rub his eyes with pepper to keep him a little bit
blind they gotta
the piccadil
has come in there
and stab him in the back so he can’t lift his head
so he’s got
these spears and
it’s pretty brutal
they gotta disable that bull before a
human being has any shot
any shot of
fighting it
and they still die
they still die when they say when you’re at matador in
spain that’s who you are forget girls forget
music forget
everything else
your life is
about the bull
fuck is there a lot of
money in being a manador
um there’s a
there’s huge glory and
money and you’re you’re a national hero if you’re good
and and by the way it’s probably like the ufc you
start with like you know guys are
fighting yeah
kind of with
blunt horns and then
all the way up to the big show
but but um but
you know when they used to pit bulls with bears
guess she used to always win
oh i would say the ball yeah i
would say every time they’re so
strong man this is
strong you guys
have you ever
touched one you ever been on one or
anything yeah if you’re
ridden a ball no but i’ve touched it i’ve been to
saddle ranch
same thing sort of
totally same thing
when we were doing fear facts
we made people ride poles one day it was the scariest
it’s ever been
any any day of filming this is one day
where i felt like we
crossed the line
i was like what are you doing
those are dangerous
yeah they are not they’re like
they’re bulls they were this was the
their argument these are
training bulls they’re not as aggressive
what does that bull know he’s a fucking
training ball
i didn’t know you were a bull
mind reader
where’s the
where’s the bull
whisper is he around
i love when people
think they know what an animal is i love
when they like
no strand this
tiger won’t bite you well you were talking
about it to me in the
kitchen we’re talking
about that grizzly
trained bear that tore the
i think is just
trainers brother cousin or something
and it killed him in a couple of
seconds it was horrible
which is so
weird because
that’s a 1500 pound bear
grabbed the hold of an
end for no reason and
shot them lazy in a lazy
way and the poor guy
i guess he’s pretty aggressive
yeah obviously
the guy must have
i don’t know
what it represented to the bear but
it represented some sort of a threat
well apparently
though he was doing what he was supposed to do and i
guess the guy didn’t have his arms up or something and
the bear ended up
grabbing onto
his neck and his instinct took over and he
said oh i’m gonna
shake you to death
which is tears you’re supposed to have your arms up
i don’t know i don’t
the bears gotta
stick em up
pose my bear
wrestling and i’m a white belt
still i’m still
so what do you
think the fuck is
going on with all these mass
deaths there’s
a million fish die in
the redondo
beach harbor
all these animals that have dying
birds that are falling from the sky
i think it’s
i don’t know but i would
imagine we have a very polluted
environment and probably is a combination of all
those chemicals
in the environment
and chemicals are being made
we’re very good at coming up with synthetic
material and
synthetic chemicals and
what we’re probably not as good at and what the fda
could never do
is figure out how all
these chemicals when put together
interact or how they
what they do
to mitoplasma and i like
using big words but like what they do to our bodies
on prolonged
you know when we
drink them when
we’re around them all the time look at your house
all these new products that come out that have huge
advertising campaigns they’re probably very safe
on their own
what happens
when you mix six of them in the perfect combination
what is that doing to your genetics
what’s wi fi doing to you yeah who knows what the fuck
that’s doing i
think we’re always
we know that
sonar gets in the way of
whales migratory
fucks whales out
right yeah so so
it’s always this constant
dance of how you know in
china now what they’re doing i
think is really
interesting is a lot of the architects when they plan
these cities
they’re building
gardens on the roofs so you can
plant food and grow your own food on the roof of your
building you know china is
self sustainable
there’s a billion people there
they don’t import food
they make their own food
which is again very
which is a very recent development for
china it’s pretty amazing
do that with a billion people
but when you do that you
gotta eat bugs
well we’re getting
better but we’re getting better and better
at figuring out ways to grow
plants for example that don’t need pesticides
that are much higher in protein and different nutrients
sure but then you’re getting
weird because
things are genetically modified
and monsanto owns ours
you know monsanto is
scary as fuck
it’s a thing when you say it’s fine if you want to
cross pollinate
to wheat the
strains but when you take
the gene from a
jellyfish put it in a
strawberry so that my
strawberry doesn’t freeze when i’m
shipping it across the country
that’s a little
weird man or
when you’re you know
when all of a sudden
my oranges are square because it’s easier to pack
them well have you seen all the wikileaks documents
leading to genetically modified
food so they’re trying to push it all across the world
they’re trying to push
in the countries and
they’re putting imposing sanctions on
countries well what they
do also what
you can if you plant one
field over here it’s genetically modified and
it flies in the air
yeah and then they sue
those people and
those people have to either
close up their farm or
it becomes a fucking disaster
i think i think you know i’m a
capitalist and all that but
i think that
we are paying we have to be very careful with how
everything is
becoming these conglomerates and how
things are becoming
so corporate
look at radio
every time i
travel this country you and i both
travel this country
everything is so homogenous
we’ve paid a price
you people want
efficiency but why in the
world when i go to most cities can i only eat at a
corporate chain
is there a why
i’m surrounded by
i was gonna say
clear channel
i’m surrounded by
beige walls whether it’s kmart
there’s no continuum there’s no like history
nobody feels connected to anything
everything around me
is everybody’s trying to sell me something i don’t need
and it robs
every city of its character
it’s like the
death of the american city
what happened to main
street with the mom and pop shops i want that
go to ohio in
porto there
but these cities used to all have it
and i understand that you have to go to
small places to get that
you’re dealing with
large volume of people
small places like that becoming
it’s an offshoot of globalism
and it was a
price we had to pay we’ll probably
swing back but
we pay a price
for what do you
think what do you
think about all
these people that believe that you know and if you read
almost every ancient religion has some
story of a great
apocalypse or a
great catastrophe and
almost every religion has some
story about a previous
existing society that was advanced
and that was almost
wiped off to face the earth
you know when you hear shit
about all these animals
dying and fish dying this
sounds like religious scripture
how fucking
crazy would it be
if we all really have been all through this before if
human beings
have literally gotten to the
point of where we are now
like this sophisticated
if we died off
today how much of this shit
would be around
in 10 000 years or so how much
would we be able to find and recognize
anything that isn’t
steel i think
it’s a great question
i do think that
what the answer
may lie in somewhere in the area if i were
to answer that questions what i don’t know but i think
that there is a
human beings
are still faced with the same problems as
human beings so whether or not
i was living 3 000 years ago
the big questions
that one has to
wrestle with
that answer the question of what am i doing here
who am i really
what am i supposed to do
what does this all mean
those are questions you can
never run from and so
within that context i think we’d
still be trying to answer
those questions we’d
still be trying to go beyond our biology
we’d still be trying to get more pleasure out of
than pain we’d still be
trying to figure out how to keep our children alive
with better food better
health care
and but we’d be competing with resources and we’d
still have wars
so i think in a way it makes
sense that we keep repeating ourselves this is the
human experience but what i’m saying is do you
think that it’s ever gotten to this
point before when you look at some of the
structures that
exist that that are unexplained
that are many many thousands of years old
especially like the pyramids and
yeah you go i mean
unexplained in the
fact that they’re not exactly sure how they put that
all together there’s a lot of theories and there’s also
old dynasty and new dynasty
and there’s old
kingdom and new kingdom there’s a lot of
structures that they believe are far far
older than the traditional
we thought like the
pyramid of giza or
the great pyramid of any
well i think what separates
human beings from
animals as far as i know is that we have imagination
and that we seem to be always moving toward
the limits of our imagination
but what freaks me out is there’s a
bunch of shit that they can’t figure out
how it all got done
and one of them is dogs
do you know dogs are a
great mystery you know
when you look into the dna of
dogs it turns out that all of them descend from wolves
they thought it was
gonna be a bunch of different wild
candids and you know different and they’re all
from all from fucking
wolves actually domesticated
wolves so and
we don’t know how the fuck that was done
thousands and
thousands of
years ago we do know that people have always bred
their animals
whether they’re
horses or whatever sure even farm animals to eat
so long ago
it goes back so far
that it literally predates society
and that’s why it’s squirrely
because you’re talking
about 10 000
15 000 maybe even deeper and deeper into
the history
of breeding dogs
yeah and i think the answer
maybe also is the fact that
this world is way more
much older than ours we are probably much older
human beings are
probably much
history is one
thing but real
human history is another and
and you also wonder
evolution i always
think about that
what’s interesting to me is
if indeed you know
there’s a lot of sense that
we evolve from apes
or chimps or whatever it
might be it’s
you know people say well
we kind of seem to have stopped
evolving physically then if that’s the case didn’t we
no we moved in a different direction look the
doubling of the
human brain size is the giant
the biggest
mystery in the entire fossil record and that’s what
changed us from
this you know
beetle eating fucking
freak monkey
to human beings and
whatever the fuck
caused it why is
that i wonder why
mckenna believes it was mushrooms
you know some people believe it was the
throwing arms some people believe it was fish
that we started eating
but that doesn’t make
sense to me because bears are
stupid as fuck
and they eat a lot of but it goes beyond that
i’m saying why you know chimps have always been chimps
right human beings have continued to evolve
just at least an hour or so
in that we do really amazing
things you know i joke around
about people being from
monkeys and chimps but the real lineage is there’s a
bunch of different primates that evolved
next to each
other for some reason
we evolved in
a far more sophisticated way than all the rest of them
in the sense that we’re always trying to go beyond that
which we can
measure and we’re always contemplating what
that would be
how would you ever measure for example
the fact that a great
i don’t know mozart or baccanada
makes some people
feel profoundly sad and overjoyed at the same time
why do we even have that
stuff yeah it
sounds good to our ears
but think about the
genius of great jazz like
louis armstrong hey jazz
like why in the
world would that
guy apologize
i’m just saying
i’m just saying i’m using
it as an art form like
why in the world
would we come up with these
brass horns and
plants all those
things that
are sort of what we stay alive for
it’s interesting it’s like
what are we supposed to be doing with that
what are we supposed to be doing with the fact that
most religions all religions talk about
well love each
other that’s the most important
thing love each
other and then by the way
what do you
do with that relationship what do you try to make the
world better
what do you do when you come together
as social animals why
and what is the
point of that that’s
the big question that we’re always dealing with that i
think it seems that there’s no point
it seems that the
point is to
enjoy it and to be nice to people that seems to be the
point the idea if you’re temporary you’re a
temporary being and all your descendants are temporary
beings we just
evolving in a tide of ever
changing temporary beings
then the only
point is just be nice but then why
but then we just be then i
guess be nice have fun
write it out let’s see what’s next
is there a group
of people that were
affected by in a positive
way do you think there’s anything to be said
about bob going beyond that in the
sense that are we supposed to evolve and continue to
understand more and more
until we until our
lives were so
short it’s like it’s the same
thing we talked
about before but the
human experience
what i’m saying is we keep jumping on each other’s
shoulders what
i’m saying right yeah
sure so you know even newton said that he said i’ve
stood on the shoulder
giants you guys all talk
about me being
i invented calculus
not bad isaac
who said by the way as big as a compliment
was lifelong celibacy
not not calculus
he was like my biggest compliment
wasn’t that i invented you know the
concept of gravity and spatial relationships it’s
a that i was
celibate my
whole life that’s
pretty cool
yeah i was like really
yeah if one
chick sucked his dick
would have ruined
everything right right
you have to be
the father of modern
physics you know
modern science but he said
that’s why i hate
math so much
we all stand on each
other’s shoulders it seems that we are
evolving in our
understanding of more and more of how even animals
think and of course
yeah we’re certainly
evolving so
there must be a
point to this
evolution i hope i always have said that i
think that we’re probably
becoming something through
technology and that
human beings are probably just
like a caterpillar that becomes a butterfly but just
doesn’t know what it’s doing
while it’s doing it
all our natural instincts towards materialism and
greed and selfishness and you know
all these monkey instincts
that we have left over perhaps working in a natural
order to move us
towards this
ultimate goal
of some sort of
technology coming
along with all the
technology we’re making
for example yeah i mean that’s
what kurtzwell believes he believes that you know it’s
gonna be some sort of an artificial
technology and artificial intelligence
that we can download our consciousness into
and that you will
exist forever in perpetrude in this
artificial environment
how does yeah
there you go that’s a
classic what
does that mean
it’s the matrix i mean
you’re talking craziness not only that you’re talking
about if you can duplicate your consciousness you
could duplicate it in an infinite amount of times
and it will
exist not here in this physical
space but it will
exist in some sort of
cyber world
where you will constantly be in
a replaying life
not only that
an infinite number of
them and not
only that we will
ultimately and
truly be connected
and our experience will be
everybody else’s
experience we are now
it’s in a weird way and i
think the reason why it’s set up in a
weird way is to encourage competition
you know the thing that
bugs people the most
is losing you know the thing
losing anything losing a person
losing you know
losing your job losing losing losing in a
fight losing in a game
frustrating for us
we’re designed for competition some people so much so
that you beat them at pool and they get mad at you you
ever been around that guy
you beat him at pool
but see i like to
ask the next
question though like
defining that really actually i
think in some ways
isn’t just losing your power
in a way losing is to be left alone
in a way to be sure
you’re not special
you’re not special
and people leave you they
leave you yeah
and so i think that’s
ultimately why
people hate losing so much it’s that memory of feeling
alone it’s that but there’s also a
strong desire
for competition amongst most people how many
comics do you know that when
they see someone
else get something something big they actually get
upset that’s right
but it’s not happening to them
you’re the only
successful comic
i’ve ever heard
comics not talk bad
about that’s
ridiculous people have talked bad
about me lots of people not really not comics
go talk to mark baron
no no no you don’t hear
comics say bad things
about you i’ve
never and i’m
the point i’m making is that you’re
right i mean for the most part i’m saying that you’re
right people
when somebody actually
does well if it’s a
comic they get
a lot of times
yeah a lot of
times different deserved sometimes well
especially when you’re
young and scrappy
and you’re all coming up in the same
order you know like you’re all like 22 23 and one of
these 22 year old guys gets
some radio show
where he’s the morning dj guy like oh fuck
you know he’s a morning dj
guide ktla now or whatever you know what i mean
like and then all of a
sudden you like dudes feel like that
could have been them
you know and then what they have to
understand also by the way is that
this is not a linear
process right
this world is made of a
whole bunch of non linear luck
and mathematics
well you say that because you’re
a very experienced guy and you’ve gone through so many
things and so many different projects
i mean you’ve gone through the tour de
force of television
you did a sketch show in mad tv you’ve done
family shows on
those warner brothers networks right
you’ve done fucking
everything you did sex in the city
you know you’ve done
yeah you’ve done so many different things
really had a
broad like view
of the whole
entertainment
scene that a lot
of people just don’t get yeah they don’t get that full
frame so when you’re
young especially
like all you know is i wanna
fucking make it i
gotta make it i
gotta pay my bills
fucking freaking out
shit he got it
fuck why didn’t he i remember
that by the way i remember being terrified i wasn’t
gonna make it i remember
thinking that’s not an option for me
yeah like it wasn’t an option
not to be working
well all of us i
think anybody who actually became a
comic you had
to deal with the fact that man if i put my eggs in this
basket this shit might
turn out terrible
right i might just live in rotten
eggs that’s
terrifying it’s terrifying
it’s completely terrifying
but my point is that
in show business
the whole idea of
pursuing it and
going after it
it is absolutely of course uncertain
like it has to be uncertain
it’s uncertain
because that’s the only
where like real
creative that’s
where adventure and
creativity comes from something blossoms out of that
uncertain if you knew it was
gonna happen
and you had it all plotted out
would be boring as fuck when you got
that that’s boring for you and it’s boring for them you
would have to do drugs you’d have to
start doing coke i
think that’s why people
like when they take a gig for the
money for example like
they go well you’re
gonna give me 7 million to do
a talk show a game show
they really you pay a
price for that yes
you gotta keep the
uncertainty dude i paid a
price for fear factor for sure
i love doing that show and it was a lot of fun and i
loved making all that
money and i’m
happy i did it
but man there
was a lot of days that i didn’t want to do that
and i thought you
know this is hokey or this is
silly or this is like god this is like
it became a job
there’s nothing
wrong with that
you know that’s
why i always
say don’t make fun of whores
we’re all whores in some
ways we’ve all whored before is what i’m saying sure
but my whole
point about it
whole competition thing
about it’s like i
think that all
it’s all set up that
way on purpose and then like showbiz competition and
stand up comedy
competition even martial arts competition
like these guys when they start
trash talking each
other on the internet
you know how i look at it when i look at like two
fighters are
about to trash talk each other
i look at it like birds that are squawking
at each other
like one birds is on the fence
and then the
other bird like fucking flops its wings and gets
close to it
it’s like this natural
thing that they’re doing like they have to do this
to in order to
motivate them to be great
in order to push them all to the next level
you have to feel the
jealousy well what
about floyd
patterson who
said you know i always wondered who ali was talking
talking to and he said i’m the
greatest and
then i realized one day he was talking to himself wow
yeah he said
to me because you know i’m scared to
death every time i step in that ring
but i get myself worked up
and by the time i’m in there
i believe what i’m saying to myself it’s the saddest
thing in the
world that muhammad ali is the way he is now
great out and that you know it’s parkinson’s and he has
trauma related parkinson’s what’s amazing also is he
doesn’t hide it from the
world to get the guy holds the
torch the olympics he just gets up in
front of everybody here’s me you know
it’s weird listening to mike tyson talk
these days have you
heard mike tyson talk
he’s got a reality show now yeah
he got interviewed what’s his reality show on
on pigeons when he got interviewed at
this there was a showtime
boxing match recently no yeah
the pay per view
match between
miguel kodo and
we caught him
iorga and it was a good fight
and they interviewed tyson
kodo did he stopped him in the last round
and they they talked to tyson
about it and
tyson like you know it was like he was
laboring to talk
you know and i was listening to it i was like wow
maybe he’s just
tired and maybe they caught yeah you
might have been high as fuck
that’s true
cause when they catch me i
might look like i have
brain damage
especially if i’m at a fight
you know what i don’t have to do commentary god i love
going to fights when i don’t have to do commentary
cause these guys
whenever we go to the ufc
brian and ari and joey
these guys take pot cookies and get blitzkrieged
so they’re sitting up
last time was acid
so they’re sitting up in the in the
stands having the fucking time i
gotta come with
joey diaz does the commentary
right joey diaz is like in the middle of fights
he’ll start just
rants and raves
about this happening that happened
so get your
pineapples bj pen
so especially if somebody gets
knocked out or somebody
gets submitted i don’t what the fuck did i tell you dog
he’ll get up and go
but i don’t get to see that anymore i do you know
but when did you
you know when did you
really truly feel comfortable calling a
fight in the ufc
when did it really
start to jail because it just comes out of you now
you know the
first couple times i was
self conscious
about it you know it’s
weird you trying to
a good job but you don’t want to be there’s
a lot of ego
involved in commentary that’s very unpleasant
like you hear people talking too much
about themselves or you take yourself completely
out of what they
would do well i have to
first of all i’m completely
illegitimate
i mean i’m a
brown belt in jiu jitsu
and i fought in some taekwondo and some kickboxing but
i’ve never fought any mma
fights at all so
what am i gonna say i
could do better than this no
i mean it’s just silly i’m
completely objective
about it but
it took a while for me
to be comfortable with like how i should
you know what i
should talk
about what i shouldn’t talk
about and when to talk when not to talk and
you know how to how to like
be as respectful as possible but yet be as objective
and analytical as possible
about what’s happening
you know so
you have to
walk a fine line between critiquing
fighters and criticizing them or
obsessing patterns
that you see in movement and critiquing behavior
and training
regiments and shit like that
so it’s tricky it’s
tricky but i always do it from a
place of respect
and i always do it from a place of
as objective as i’m capable
yeah you’re very good at doing it it’s fun to do i
think goldie
is a poet that dude
it’s just amazing well
what a lot of
people don’t know is like they’ll say goldie phil
you gotta fill here
gotta fill here they’ll say they say that they’re
here headsets
so goldie will
start just going off about
this fucking
arena that we’re in that was
built in 18 fucking 12
and he’s off the top
of his head
and he just does it
perfectly you know
i never heard
a guy 18 12 yeah
he might have
stumbled once in the thousand
fights that we it’s like he wrote
those lines out and they’re just perfect sometimes he
doesn’t say
the correct
thing when it comes to like the technique or something
like that but that’s okay because i can correct him and
he’s just trying to get
things going
like he’s just trying to
you know who
is by the way i don’t know if you’ve ever seen
you know who’s the best improviser
i’ve ever seen in my life and a guy who can take a
topic and do
30 minutes of
stand up on it and do whatever it
is adam corolla
oh yeah i don’t he’s
a ramble pro that’s why he’s so good as a pacha
a podcast host
that guy you give him a subject
here’s the thing okay
i’m all for you having your coffee
and he’ll just like have
some fucking
20 minute rant
about what’s
wrong with like
you know he did something
about twist ties
about twist
ties like well it
was like twist
ties like how
strong are these
things and they
should be you
like they should cover up
those soldiers in iraq with twist
ties that’s what i mean he just he’s amazing at coming
up with just like free form and like entire jokes
i said when we got off i go
i go we did a
movie together
and i go we’re on set and i go
you know what
i said i’ve decided your
your you might be the best in the world
at what you do
and he goes what do you mean
i said i think you’re the best improviser and
the best guy i’ve ever seen at improv
the way you do your improv i’ve
never i think you’re the best in the
world he goes
i don’t know i go
somebody’s got to be the best
so you’re getting the
trophy i’m getting to you
so he goes like this he goes
so apparently has a podcast and they say
you know i know i like that guy brian cow
that’s a good guy
he told me i
might be the best improviser in the
world and i thought you know why not so i
got home and i looked at my wife and i was like hey how
come i don’t
smell any pot
roast why is my dick in your
mouth for christ’s sake i’m the best guy in the
world at improv
he’s like recognize
honey brian
callan said it so it’s true
yeah he’s a guy who’s really found
success with this
whole podcast format
he’s also a
great guy yeah he’s a
great guy he’s a good guy he’s an interesting
dude he’s really into cars man he’s got the dopest
garage man is he
very good box you ever box with him
no but i’ve
heard guys who
fight like guys
he’s actually a ringer you’ll get in a ring and
really yeah it was a real i believe it he’s good at
everything he’s a
great carpenter
he like fucking
remodels his
house and shit
builds additions on
his own he’s a real american
he is a real
american brad
for before he went
crazy and and
and this guy
might be my friend adam
corolla has the dopest
garage man he’s got like one of
those garages
yeah but mine was
built for a tv show you gotta pee
but adam corolla’s garage is like
he’s got like a fucking ferrari there like a
classic bmw m3
he’s got a mustang back there he’s got a
lamborghini back there i
think he’s kind
of like you
know like a
classic lamborghini
he was just like
really fucking into like machines and cars and shit
what’s going on with
kevin smith what’s this talk on top of i don’t know
he said he wanted
to get together and do a podcast and he said we should
smoke pot and talk
about news radio i’m like fuck yeah i’d love to i’m in
so i messaged him but
when you get and here’s the
thing with people say how come you
never message back who want you
never message me back
i’m not on twitter all day i
tried to go on
and and post
things when i have time and
but a lot of times i’m fucking busy
and when you have like i
think now i’m up to two hundred and
eighty three thousand
bitch shh what am i
look just because you don’t have that many
excuse me 283
982 so almost 284 000
there’s no way i can keep up with the replies
if you don’t look at it for an hour
there’s 1700 replies
and so what do you do do you read them all
i can’t i don’t have the time someone just
give me some of
those people
listen bitch
you gotta earn them that
would be cool
if you could listen the shit my dad says he’s not he
doesn’t have a podcast
how’s that guy
get so famous
wouldn’t it be cool though if you
could give him like
i’ll give you 50 000 people on twitter
yeah and then i’ll also need to be getting your
goofy ass dude i got
traded i hate cats what’s
wrong with this guy
this new ipad by the way fucking awesome
i think you’ll use it more
why are they using
more camera
camera the camera shit is so badass
just fucking sitting there doing facetimes
and shit like that or
he is a thirteen year old girl
i know a little girl
looking at my face
you could we could
transplant your
brain into a thirteen year old
lesbian body so easily
it’s hot the
cameras badass
you’re loving it
right i’m loving it
but the other one was good but
the no camera
thing just really made me
never want to
use it that much really yeah that was a big
part at all man
i only use it for
watching things
like when i was getting tattooed
i use it to
watch tv shows
and i use it for reading books
yeah i don’t use it for anything else what’s that ipad
yeah yeah i don’t have one i’m just
gonna get the airbook because i
travel but do i need an ipad
nah what’s an
airpod you don’t need one that’s a little macbook a
little tiny
air i’d say
light light
what are you
a pussy bro
i get a 17 incher and i
carry that shit
over my shoulder
i don’t even bother putting the backpack on dude i do
squats i do kettlebells on a regular sun
step step i remember one time
you said to a bus full of
fighters aaron
mcmores like
back in the usc
literally when
randy couture
fought v tour
bell for is like back in
those days like
20 you know we were in tennessee or
baton rouge or something
right and we remember walking to the
venue remember that like how ghetto
was back in the day
like just and randy
we were actually
anyway but um
you go they were talking about
training techniques and you were like
i like to get into
horse dance
and put my balls inside my body and read
nietzsche and i
think emmanuel stewart was there
like people like
everybody’s like all
these fighters no
sense here but they all look at
you like this
they’re like
what is he saying
what are you saying
because you
weren’t really that
famous yet you were
like i like to get in a horse
dance push my balls in my body and read niche
it’s a good
thing everybody’s like
is he fucking serious
cause you were kind of squatting
they didn’t
laugh at me at all
i got into a squat position too i got into that
horse dance
i was fucking
dying yeah there was no room for
humor in those early ufcs
no man that was and i was
i was also the post
fight interviewer i wasn’t a commentator so
no one got to see my
sense of i know
when we were with tank and we were all
those guys and you were just like
be careful don’t be a jackass
around tank i don’t
know dude tank will
implode your
skulls beat you up
just beat your ass
you know you’re like you know
brian don’t be don’t be like hey tank
hey hey let me
tweak your nose
like bad news
tank will put you to
sleep where i remember
he put you to
sleep go to jail like normal kill you yeah you might
definitely change the way you look at the
world i remember shaking his hand
and and it felt i’ve
never felt the hand that
strong this is
he was just a
bruh how about thinking
about dude like we were talking
about how badass mayhem is
you know you were
fucking around with mayhem
and i said well i want
to show you a
video of who
some are paul
harris emitting mayhem
just think that
someone can do that to a guy as good as mayhem
as good and as
strong as mayhem is crazy
there’s just
levels there’s
levels upon
levels i’m a baboon
that guy’s a silverbacker
that’s how it is
you know i’m a
saluki imagine the
first dude that fucking stumble across gorillas
cause that did happen by the way as far as western
humans then you know as far as
white people that’s
right that that like that were
gorillas were a myth
until like the 1800s
right in indonesia a guy had
woke up a male
orangutan up
woke him up
and the thing
fleet flipped out and
grabbed him by the hair i got kind of long hair
thick in the knees
grabbed my hair and just
yang and scalped him
they took his just ripped
and scalped him like
he freaked out like
pulled his hair off and
then ran up into the trees oh my god so he had no scalp
that’s right
so what they do they have to like skin graft
you’re fucked onto his head you’re fucked
in indonesia
i’m not sure
but he’d probably just die of staph infection back
in the day i was surprised
like you know i
think the crazy
thing is gorillas
are the biggest but they don’t even eat meat
they’re all vegetarian that’s
right it’s called genetics my friend
if you ever
watch them go to
the san diego
zoo and watch
those gorillas you can
stand right next to them because
it’s plexible
watch them wrestle
all they do when they’re little is wrestle
all they do is roll around and they have arm drags duck
unders i’m not kidding headlocks
guillotine’s i
swear to god
they put you in
their guard i swear
so i’m telling
you that the man who invented jujutsu was his heli
on gracie helio well sort of i mean there was
the japanese i
wouldn’t be surprised
of course of course but he you know after he
could find heli
on carlos i
would i wouldn’t be surprised if one day they were
watching gorillas role
watch them play
it is they’re so
they are the perfect
wrestlers they’re so efficient for wrestling
they’re so efficient it’s just so
weird that they’re so big and that they eat
plants why because
silverback is not six feet tall
maybe six feet tall and weighs 600
pounds fat free
ladies and gentlemen
no fat on this
giant fucking
monstrous arms
but what is all that for is it all just to keep
things from fucking with it it must be
i don’t know man
cause they don’t kill anybody
they don’t really
swing through trees they just
and they’re not really aggressive
they have little dicks
yeah and they
have little dicks i have a bigger dick than a 600
pound gorilla
shazam son shazam
so but think
about that though
600 pounds that’s a lot of weight and then and then
there’s the
polar bear yeah
which would eat a gorilla
yeah what the fuck do you
think a polar bear
could eat a gorilla
yeah really yeah well do i
think so i don’t know they’ve
ever done that aren’t they 15 to 16 to 1700
pounds is that what a
polar bear something
that was pretty goddamn bad yeah they
stand they stand 10 feet or higher
they’re bigger than a
basketball go to a
basketball hoop
try to touch the rim
and they’re bigger than that when they stand
on their hind legs
yeah they take down
things like elk with
their mouths
yeah what’s the killer
whales you ever seen them eat
pilot whales through the ice
i’ve no doubt do
polar bears have big penises
i don’t know
no it’s good question but they’ll kick the shit
out of question brian
solid question
good question brian
thank you hold that question for a
second we’ll put that on the wall
yeah polar bears are
scary as fuck if you’re in alaska
if you see one you better run biggest it’s the biggest
carnivore biggest
biggest land carnivore
it actively
targets human beings and yes
they will eat a
human being they will make a
bee line for you there’s a terrifying
story that i read once
about these guys that were in a boat and the boat hit
an iceberg and the boat
started to sink
so they sent out a distress signal
and they climbed off the boat onto an ice shelf
you heard the
story yeah i know all
about it there’s a few
researchers i forget the number but there was more than
three terrible
story and this
polar bear saw them
and kept diving off one ice
sculpture to the next getting closer and closer
sizing them up
until finally he was on the one ice
culture they
were jumping around
yeah they were
screaming the yelling the
polar bear didn’t give a fuck he’s like
make yourself hard to swallow
time to eat some of you bitches
and he came over and he was on the ice
ice sculpture of the ice island
right next to them
jumped in the
water got on
their side walked calmly up to the
first guy could get a hold of they scrambled everybody
stumbled over each
other trying to get out of the way
grabs a guy
kills him right there instantly
grabs his limp body
jumps off the ice
ice island into the
water swims over to the
other one just
starts eating i’m
right in front of them
yeah and so he
ate that one guy and then help
came and help came when the next boat came when the
the you know this stress signal
was answered
by the time they got there
this guy was just rib cage popping out of his fucking
his jacket yeah i don’t want i’m not really interested
in dying that way thank you
cause you’re not doing anything that’s a bear
good luck and a polar bear
polar bears and fucking
oceans but then you know what
to do they grab you by the neck and i did they just
shake a couple times i
guess sometimes sometimes they just
start eating you they
start eating you from
the legs up like
that guy from grizzly bear yeah
seven minute
audio tape that’s a good time
there goes my legs
oh those are my feet i know
i won’t release that shit
those are my calves yeah
jesus christ
that’s my femur bone
ah my femur bone thigh
eating just taking
chunks out of your thigh
ruthlessly ever see that youtube
video of the
woman got too
close to the
polar bears cage oh yeah
breaks her leg
yeah brought her in yeah
hannah soccer
yeah they’re mean they’re also fast
well they have to be they living in fucking
the frozen north
what a crazy
place to live they’re like the
clean up agents of the frozen north
you can’t put a baby
polar bear or even a
smaller polar bear
like an adolescent
polar bear into a cage with a big
polar bear or
is what it’ll eat it
whoa yeah jack
females will keep their cubs
they’ll run away from
a male will
chase a female
under cubs for two days
trying to eat those cubs
jesus fucking
christ they’ll
follow a female running
and keeping her cubs going
to get away from a male
who sees them and says i want to eat your
babies i mean baby
fuck so she goes guys we
gotta run let’s run now
but why is he
still chasing us i’m
tired mommy shut up this is that’s the
school of hard
knocks by the way
yeah you think
and you know and ellie both
fucking cubs too they won’t just eat one
let the other one free no he’s
gonna kill that one and run
after the next
one the other one is you know
yeah they have to store up
they have to
store mom’s not doing a
thing she’s
gotta just go
randy couture
asked me to go hunting with them
i’m gonna go hunting with
randy couture
and we were
gonna go bear hunting
but i’m like i don’t
wanna eat a bear man
i don’t wanna eat a bear and
it’s i couldn’t do it anyway i had to cancel some
stand updates
so we’re trying to figure out another day to do it
but i’m like
let’s kill something that i can eat
black bear or grizzly bear as a
black bear you can eat
black bear oily me
taste like shit though
right say it’s really good it’s oily really yeah
what does that mean oily me they say it’s a very thick
that’s what i call my dick
can you imagine
going gay bear hunting with randy
bear hunting
like let’s find some bears
find some jean jackets on
you got your hunting gear here you just
end up in like the city you’re like what are we
doing dude why are we
crying this guy’s
dressed like
bob seger let’s take him down dude why do you
smell why do you
smell like cologne and why are you wearing eyeliner
and why am i
why am i sucking your dick yeah
randy couture is the manliest man ever
he’s all in
the balls and
running through the
woods he was doing the eco challenge when he stopped
fighting for a while
you know just
running through the fucking forest of the pacific
coast he doesn’t need it he
doesn’t need a bow and
arrow or anything else he
just does it he just runs so bad
motherfucker but
he’s a big hunter he loves hunting so he’s
gonna take me somewhere we’re gonna go
there’s a hunting tv show to do it with
whenever i’m around i’ve been around
randy couture
a couple of times and
and i whenever i’m around a guy like that i always feel
a combination of just awe
and just i feel a little bad
about myself
well i always feel like
jesus you know
i always say we people say why don’t you put in with me
first of all
because i don’t want to and to because i’m old
and then like and
brandy coutures
five years older than me
five years yeah don’t be a
pussy joe there has been
never been combat athletes
into their late 40s before ever
never you never saw
that you never saw a
48 year old
guy it’s a combination of a lot of
things a lot of its genetics too
because the guy’s
never injured
which is crazy
you know you think
about all the
different kinds of cancer
their camps
sports science did a
thing where he’s able to take the vo
like his vo
max is much higher like he’s able
to assimilate oxygen and his muscles much better than
than most people
well it makes
sense he’s a lifelong athlete and he was always
known even in the
early early days of competing of just
breaking guys wills
and that’s what he did to vitor
belfort he just imposed his will on vitor
and broke him
well that’s one
thing he fucked
up for a long time
he’s relentless he keeps you go for the
double leg and a single leg
then and he
beats you up
against the cage to this was this machita fight
in toronto is
very interesting
because he really firmly believes
that machita
is fights on the outside but you can
grab a hold of them and when you grab a hold of them
randy thinks he’s just
gonna pin him up
against the cage and beat the shit out of
randy coutures fighting
fighting machida bro
meanwhile he’s doing like the expendables to he’s doing
movies he’s a
crazy fuck dude and he’s trying to get hunting trips in
let’s go kill a bear
i’m such a girl
it’s good to be around
those guys it’s good to know
that there’s
levels of manliness
out there well it’s good to know that’s why
sports for a
young man are very important
because it teach you how
tough you’re not how
tough you’re not how
tough you are
but also how
tough you’re not
and you need to know both
sides and you
need to know what
other people are willing to go through the
kind of pain that some people are willing to go through
you gotta watch
a real life strength and conditioning program
you tell me you want to be an
mma fighter
go to the gym with sean shirk
just watch him do that once
first of all
i don’t need to
cause i was 17 and i went to dan gable’s intensive
wrestling camp with
the hawkeyes
and i remember limping
for two weeks i limped
wake you up at five in the morning and you run
sprints for an hour and then you do live
wrestling and
that’s why i didn’t want to
wrestle in college
cause i went
if this is college athletics i don’t
wanna do it and what happened was i’d
smell a mat and i’d get my back would
start to hurt
i got a psychosomatic injury
all right my body was like
don’t do that i limped
the only time in my life i kept looking at my plane
ticket and i was
gonna fake an injury so i
could go home
high school
wrestling making a fucking man out of you
they closed
that camp down
because you had to
graduate and like a
third of the camp
would drop out
and literally
they closed down i believe the next year or the year
after that well
they also were really encouraging people to lose a
tremendous amount of weight
which was terrifying and really
fucking terrible
for you your
young body you
know when you’re 14 15 years old and you’re in high
school and you’re
coach and you
already lean and they’re telling you to lose 10
pounds of water
and you had to
wrestle that day
too it’s not like the
ufc i did it too
it was awesome
i did it for taekwondo tournaments too it’s terrible
my friend did it his whole high
school career
like really
short where everyone else in his family is tall
he’s five six
and everyone
else in his family is like six foot six foot two
starving yourself yeah he
starved himself all
through high
school through
every fucking
season because college is
worse man yeah and he
went to in the off
season he went to camps
and like he was like really trying to make it as a
wrestler boxers don’t lose as much weight do they
cause they gotta go 12
rounds you also have
to take head blows
it’s much more dangerous when you take your head
blows yeah that’s when people get really real serious
brain damage
like gerald
mcclellan is a perfect example of that
he’s a guy who used to
lose a lot of weight
to make his division i
think he was
light heavy weight
he was a big guy and he
would dehydrate himself really bad
and didn’t go
about it the
right way and
i don’t know if they used ivs
back in those days to rehydrate
now they’re pretty sophisticated about it
they always give guys bags of iv
like some guys will take six
seven eight bags oh really
yeah they have to rehydrate and they piss like crazy
but they feel much better much
quicker and you
gain a tremendous amount of weight in like
24 hour period like there’s a guy
glace and t bow
fights in ufc i don’t know how
he loses the weight i don’t know what he does but this
motherfucker fights at
155 and he looks like he’s like 190 he’s fucking huge
well it’s like
what’s the guy’s name
anthony johnson
yeah he walks two
fifteen yeah he’s
two fifteen
i wonder he was
fighting one seventy
again fuck one
seventy when i was i was doing a
movie with him in pittsburgh and he walked around with
these shoulders
i was like this dude and he’s to i said how much you
weigh goes two fifteen i go
how are you
gonna get out the one
seventy he’s like i’ll make
no problem got it
done with science i was like i don’t know how the
fuck his head’s that big he’s
enormous his bones yeah
he’s a super athlete that guy is
fucking that’s a guy when you
stand around you feel like just such a wimp you just
yeah and he’s an interesting guy too because he’s a
wrestler but he’s really been working
primarily on his
striking you
know and he’s
knocking a lot of guys out
that was a big
victory for costcheck when costcheck beat him
i think a lot of that guy’s problem is that he
gets really depleted making that 170
i think he’d be better served at
185 i think a lot of guys
would i think
a lot of guys lose too much weight and i
think over the
long course of a career it’s very dangerous
that’s very unhealthy
i don’t know if you’re allowed to say but is there
gonna be a gsp
anderson silver fight
they want to do that but gsp has to get through jake
shields which is no fucking cakewalk
jake shields is dangerous as fuck and he’s a winner
and his jiu
jitsu is top notch
jake shields can
submit anybody
but did gsp has proved that he is
still far in a way
he’s a bad motherfucker no doubt
about it but
you can’t discount jake
shields gsp’s
never fought jake
shields i’m telling you
jake shields look he
might be it gsp
might be able to keep the foot on his feet
and if he does
gsp is more than likely gonna
like be far better on his feet
he’s got way better
striking way better hands way better kicks than jake
jake is just all
about closing the distance
getting a hold of
you and drag you to the ground and if you can’t do that
yeah he’s in some
trouble he’s
gonna get boxed up but
but if he can do that it becomes very interesting
it becomes very interesting cause
jake shields has competed at the very highest
levels of the game in grappling
and submitted
guys in fact in abu dhabi that submitted gsp
his level of
jiu jitsu is
quite a bit higher
but george is so
smart and he’s so defensively
intelligent and he’s
never been submitted in
mma before no so
at least not he’s
also punching
yeah and elbowing you and he’s
strong as fuck and his
wrestling is
outstanding too yeah they say i’ve talked to guys who
train with him and they say that
he’s just he’s really really
strong yeah that’s
super him well he’s got
great strength and he’s also like really
smart and he does
things correctly and he’s like
super driven like
i told you we worked on that turning sidekick thing
he talked to me
afterwards like
joe i practiced it a thousand time
i was on this set they were like this guy’s crazy
i’m kicking the bag i’m telling you man i’m
gonna get it like he was
like obsessed with it like if you show him a technique
he’ll go over and go over and next
thing you do it
he’ll probably be doing it better than you who
taught him you know what’s funny
about that is
you see these people who are
great and they do
these things and you
think it’s magic they just work harder than
everybody else
obsession and repetition
and you know the same desire that gets you
far in life with that
can also fuck you up if you get addicted to everquest
you know it’s the same sort of obsession
can wind you up in a
ditch if it becomes something that’s not productive
for me i have
to and i know you’re probably the same way i
have to manage my addictions i have to be real careful
and keep an eye
on i’m not as
intense as you are that way
you’ve always been really really
obsessive well it’s a problem
it’s not even a discipline
it’s more of an obsession i’m disciplined
kinda i mean i get
things done i’m disciplined
but what i really am is driven
there’s a big
difference if i find something like
i’m not good at doing
things i don’t want to do
you know like
i’m not good at taking out the garbage i’m not
good at remembering to do errands
things that i’m supposed to do i’m not good at
but if there’s something i’m excited
about there’s something that’s
motivated about
then i become obsessed with it and then i become driven
to get good at whatever the fuck this
thing is so it’s not even like a discipline
thing it’s almost
like it’s fine i just know how to turn on
the crazy switch
yeah you do you’re really really good
but you gotta manage that shit man
there’s a lot of people that don’t
they get into gambling and then they become fucking
crazy with blackjack or poker
i’ve always been really
grateful that i didn’t have the kind of wiring that was
predisposed to
the kind of
negative obsessions like that
well you’re
self deprecating enough to the
point where you
don’t have to constantly be the best guy in the room
you know you
don’t you can have a good time no matter what no
i’ve always
enjoyed my friends
successes i’ve always thought yeah i’ve always
found it more inspiring than threatening i
never i just
think it’s like intelligence it’s
like trying to compartmentalize anything you know well
that’s why you’re a healthy dude too that’s why but
it’s like courage
you know some people say well i’m a coward well
you’re a coward
maybe you wouldn’t get up on
stage and do
stand up you’d
fight six guys in a bar
and intelligence or
talent it’s all the same
stuff you’re good at
you know some
people you just have to find what you’re good
at find your
shit what’s your role
it might be to
support talented people
it might be to be the one on
stage it might be the one who comes up with a
microphone that you use
right there’s club owners there’s
managers there’s
agents comics if
you have children
i think your job is to try to nudge that
child in the
direction of what he’s supposed to do anyway
yeah whatever his primal impulses are you
know you contemplate i mean you have kids now are you
actively thinking
about that are your daughters
my daughter
and what i try to do with my
daughter is provide
two things one
is love unconditional love so she’s not messed up but
i also believe
that a large part of my job is
to stand out of the way not
to be a suppressive overwhelming personality for her
i don’t want to be too much of an influence
and the reason i don’t want is i want her to
ultimately i think a
great deal comes from having to
be independent and also feeling free enough and not
ashamed of whatever it is you are
and so much of my
childhood and it’s not nobody’s fault
but so much of my
childhood is
when i think back on it even my
young adult in years is
full of kind of but what i
would describe is
shame i mean describe certainly as confusion but also
shame just also
god i feel so different than most people
i’m a fuck up and i got to get my shit together
well no i didn’t
i actually had to just go deeper into that and so
well to be a
performer yes but if you were a car salesman yeah you
would have had a problem sure but i’m saying yeah
you know i mean it’s like
we’re lucky that this avenue
exists absolutely
i’m just saying you
gotta find whatever your avenue is
and i think
that you know people say well everybody has
a path i don’t know
about that but
your job as a
young adult as a
child is to try
maybe everybody
could have a path
it’s not that everybody does
maybe that everybody
could yeah but
you also you said something really profound i’ve been
thinking about a lot
lately that i thought was really cool you said it’s one
thing to be really accomplished and you’ve accomplished
things you know
we can go through all the stuff but
but the one
thing you said that you’re the most
proud of is accomplishing your
peace of mind
and that is a very separate
separate endeavor
from trying to make
money and trying to make a name for
yourself trying to be significant trying to be original
but actually
getting to a
point where you have
peace of mind
i think is equally as important
as anything it’s more important than anything it is
i’m happier now than i’ve ever been at any
point in my life and
i’m also nicer to people now than at any
point ever in my own life
and more conscious
about biological
maintenance
making sure
i work out on a regular basis making sure i’m healthy
all those things together with my life
i figured out a
way changed in some
ways your personality in a way i mean you’ve changed
you’ve actually made
fundamental changes
in how you relate to
other human beings i’ve seen that in you
a lot of that is
psychedelics
and the tank
the tank whatever
it is it’s a combination you did the tank recently
yeah it was awesome tell me about this
we’ll end with this
cause we’ve been talking for a long time but
tell me what your
experience was like i got into
the salt water
and it was really dark and
i just by the way
for people don’t
know this is a sensory deprivation tank we’re talking
about yeah and i thought two
things i thought one i was
gonna go restless and i thought the
other thing i was
gonna get cold
and then i thought i was
gonna sink and on
and in fact
i started to just
focus on my breath and
sort of it was very easy for me to kind of disappear
for real and
i think i stayed in there for two
hours but i
could have stayed in there way longer
way longer people say you know
he said i think the guy said
you know 15 minutes
you know you
might be in there for an hour but it
might be hard
for me i could have
i could have just stayed in there
it’s an amazing environment isn’t it
yeah you need to get one of those
we all need that
well you live
in the area
so you can go yeah you can go to that
place all the time but
man having one of your
houses is this shit how
often you change that
water you don’t have to you don’t have to
it’s only me that goes in and it’s 800
pounds of salt nothing can live
in there that’s amazing yeah it’s like it’s so dense
yeah it is just like that
it’s the most valuable program ever
or the valuable tool ever
for reprogramming your mind for looking at yourself
and in a truly objective way and to be tethered
untethered rather from your life untethered from
your personal
experiences and able to look at them
literally when
you’re inside that tank it feels like you’re not there
it feels like
time has essentially stopped
you’re not getting any input
it might be
going on without you all
rambling free in the
world but in your life
your life is all
about how you relate to
everything that you see in your environment
so having a
chance to be out of your environment the only
opportunity
that you have in the
world that’s
the only environment on the planet like that
where you can go and separate yourself
literally from your life now
watch yourself
if you don’t know what we’re talking
about we’re talking
about a sensory deprivation tank
which was created by a
psychedelic
pioneer from the 50s name
john lilley
who was this
brilliant scientist
who was incredibly eccentric and one of the
things he wanted to figure out was
how to detach
himself from his physical
inputs of sound and feeling and and seeing
things and how to figure out how to get the mind
literally away from any
input of the body
he realized that life is very distracting and that
conversations
that you’re having if there’s a bus driving by
right next to you it’s hard to have that conversation
the bus is distracting
things input is distracting and
when you are in the tank you are
literally dealing with no input
you have no hearing because your ears are
underwater and it’s a
heavy door that’s shut and it’s pretty soundproof
you have no
scene because you’re in
total blackness
you total complete darkness
you don’t feel anything because the
water is the same temperature as your skin
and the water has 800
pounds of salt in it so you
completely buoyant
and it’s the
most amazing environment man it goes into that really
was that i think therefore i am right
descartes yeah
but that’s always been disputed in the
sense that because you can imagine it
doesn’t mean indeed that
it’s actually there well then because
the question is
what is the imagination
this is the real question is what is
the imagination and our thoughts really non local and
are you really just a
biological antenna that like
picks up entropy in the air that picks up
creativity and ideas and
things and these are
literally woven into the fabric
of time all around us you know what that
great mathematician
when the fields
medal said right he refused the
fields medal
which is a million dollar
prize i believe and it’s like the nobel
prize for mathematics they couldn’t find him
found him in siberia a
year later and he goes why are you giving me the prize
you should be giving the equation
a prize i just
have i just have antenna i’m
wired a certain way
and i was able to channel
the answer i
think it was a
350 page answer they’ve been looking at
they even the problem had been
conjectured in like 1806 and they were trying
the actual problem
then he came up with the answer and all
these mathematicians
were like this guy actually figured it out
after 300 years
and he’s just incrediably
and he goes yeah yeah but
what are you
you’re giving the prize
to the radio
you should be giving it to the
music they all say that
every artist says that
every great writer says that they tune into the
muse i love
that that’s
what makes me
believe in any kind of god or whatever you
wanna call it
a higher benevolent
force of some kind or at
least something of beauty
i don’t know
yeah what was my point
that we what is imagination
well what yeah
thank you this is
my point was
the idea of
imagination is very strange because you have this idea
you have this
thing that comes to your mind wait a
minute if i do this and combine it with that holy shit
i just made a new invention
this is gonna be
this is gonna revolutionize
what you’ve done is
with this thing in the ether
you have pulled it out of that and now it manifests
itself in a physical form and alters human life
it changes life like all the
things that people have invented they had to initially
think up whether it’s the car whether it’s computers or
this had to
be a thought in someone’s mind a creative idea
or a conglomeration of
other ideas that have
existed before that’s
a combinatory
thing and they combine it and make some new creative
thing whatever the imagination is it eventually
manifests itself as an actual thing
so we don’t look at that for
some reason
it’s frivolous
imagination is also
way more important
than what you consider intelligence or amassing
information imagination is what moves history forward
it gutenberg innovation
well gutenberg when he came up with a
printing press
even freud when he came up with the concept that you
could figure out how the
human mind works einstein’s theory of relativity
newton’s calculus
these guys who were
these seminal thinkers
who came up with
even karl marx for that matter i’m not a communist but
these guys who came up with
these sort of seminal concepts of
how to restructure
our society how to restructure our biology
how to restructure our minds how to look at our minds
all those things
from the imagination
it all came
from imagination and we leapt
forward in some ways not in a good way in some
ways we came up with the atomic bomb well yeah i mean i
split the atom but
it’s all the same
thing right it’s all people and you know whatever
branch of study that they choose to pursue
you know they
they create
things that’s
right and it
becomes an actual physical
thing but what
is the imagination that’s making that happen
is it like a life form and what’s the
point yes and also what’s the
point is it the diagram
the map of the universe that we’re supposed
to follow we brought this podcast full circle cause
we started with that question
and we end with that question
who knows better
to have imagination kids this is our message
folks just be fucking nice
to people if we all were cool if everybody was like
the people in this room
right now if the
whole world was made out of us
and we just ran into us
everywhere i mean
that’s so egocentric and
ridiculous to say
but the mindset
of what i’m talking about just
be cool to people
just be nice you know what the problem is
sometimes competition
is the problem not only that sometimes
jelly has an idea that they
think is better for you
so example the
board of the board of
certain people in kansas say
let’s start
teaching intelligent design
and not evolution
and we’re gonna
teach your child that
for his soul
and all of a
sudden you go wait a
minute you’re trying
to be nice to me but i don’t want that kind of nice
yeah that’s the
wrong kind of nice
that’s not what i’m talking
about i’m talking
about people not fucking with
other people don’t
try to control
other people
worry about yourself
there’s just so many of us
there’s so many of us it’s hard
to get this all across but i firmly believe that we
right now are more
advanced more in tune
more tuned in
than any other
generation that’s
ever been before and a lot of it is because of
stuff like this
a lot of it is because of the podcasts internet
things you can read
the access to information all
these things we’re communicating in a way
with twitter
and with facebook that no one’s ever done before i
think we’re connected the way we’ve
never been before
in real time yeah
these things that we’re all
pushing together
it’s a fascinating time and i
think human beings
culturally are
evolving at
an incredible race
at an incredible pace rather exponential in a way
technology certainly
is yeah that’s
the nuttiest
thing about all this
2012 nonsense is fuck
everything’s
pointing towards that being real
everything’s
pointing towards all
these fucking events happening and people
changing and technology
accelerated at an incredible pace and we talked
about earlier
about the center of
every galaxy being a
black hole and we were talking about that
well that’s what they’re trying to do with the
large hadron collider they’re making
black holes
so if the center of
every galaxy is a
black hole and inside that
black hole is
a universe and then they’re making universes
that’s very good yeah
like what the fuck somebody put the
breaks on that we are butterflies
and we are on our way to being the next
thing you know
there was a caterpillar that became a butterfly
and that is the
human being
if you want an actually
great lecture on that it’s called homo evalutis
and it’s by one enriquez
and go to ted com
and one enriquez
will take you through a
lecture called homo aveludice and he talks
about how we’re coming out with
for example eyes
that right now can see
shadow and light
but they’re
gonna pretty much
presume be able to see
underwater and in dark for a mile away
and eventually here’s that can hear a mile
away just close all that
stuff and we’re
gonna become
we’re gonna
start to become machine
part machine as we come
up with biocompatible components way faster than we’re
gonna ever evolve into the
whatever else we’re supposed to biologically
i know people already that have artificial hips
i know a couple
people and dude my hip
starts clicking now your hips
are fucked up
my hip on this side really hurts sometimes when i move
the wrong try being a top
every now and then
game out and
all that game
for you the greatest
thank you very much for being on the podcast
again always the most fascinating intriguing in
depth conversations head
spinning shit
i’m gonna have
to go back and review it because there was a lot of
stuff that we talked
about that i’m like wow
i really need to consider this and i apologize for any
inaccuracies it is the
we just start talking we just start
always always an
honor always a pleasure please you’re the best
man brian and people can follow
brian on twitter it’s b r y
a n c a l l e n
follow him on twitter and follow redband
please and by
the way and by the way i’m doing the palms
i’m doing the palm
stand up this weekend oh this weekend
in vegas seriously
he’s one of the funniest most unique
human beings on the planet
responsible for
one of the three funniest
things i’ve ever seen in my life
the gay jujitsu
sketch that you did in a
hotel room in vegas
between that
and joey dia
showing his balls and duncan
trussell’s new
video duncan
trussell’s new
video so good isn’t it
i have seen it
it was duncan and
his girlfriend natasha
no one seen it yet you can only
watch it on his computer
it hasn’t been released yet
when it does get released i made a
video on my iphone talking about how
great it is like you people are
gonna freak
it’s gonna get like a million hits in the
first week it’s fucking
great it’s fucking
great fucking
hilarious this is
his thing his
greatest accomplishment it’s
genius his dunkin
in a nutshell and natasha in a nutshell together
all right this
weekend gotham sold out next weekend there’s a few
tickets left for the more theater in seattle but that’s
going fast too
and then we’re in portland
the week after that
at helium in portland
it’s all on joewrogan net
and this wednesday we are at
sal’s comedy hole
got some funny fucking people on there too who’s on
steve renezisi
freddie lockhart doug
benson and brett
ernst yeah it’s a good lineup
ladies and gentlemen
so you don’t want to miss that shit and
sal’s comedy hole is only like
80 or 90 people and we do it pretty much
every wednesday
every wednesday no one in town
we fuck around we come
up with new material we have fun we you know it’s a
great environment you’re
gonna see a lot of cool
comics it’s like a vip show
right now like
these 80 people are getting a
crazy show i mean
sarah silverman did it last week
with doug benson
you know sledgett
you know we always have like
top notch guys come down and fuck around and
it’s like a really good environment it’s a really fun
place you doing anything wednesday
brian callum’s on the show
i’ll actually be in
i have to do brea
at 8 o’clock
what time have you done
what time’s your set
are you closing you’re closing yeah i
think i’m closing
okay you won’t be done in time
all right yeah we
started at nine
well any wednesday we do it
every wednesday
eight we saturday
eight o’clock
8 p m south coming home
hey dude dad i
wanna come yeah you coming you’re coming it’s the
greatest it’s the new hangout it’s the new
greatest place
to fuck around for
stand up everyone
super supportive everyone that works there cool as fuck
sal is an ace
he’s just a
super warm friendly
happy guy yeah
so he’s got a new
place it’s on
it’s on melrose now oh
great i’d love to
it’s a real
small place
vip part or
vip service now or
valet service now
starting this wednesday really yes
because the parking was a little give some
foreign dude your keys and make sure he doesn’t
steal your wheat
yeah all right
listen bitches you know we love you
and we’ll see you tomorrow with joey coco
diaz none other
than the other one of the
other funniest
human beings
funny experiences
you know what the fuck i’m talking
about bitches
all right i love you guys winning