The Joe Rogan Experience #93 - Eddie Bravo

the Joe Rogan Experience

brothers and sisters

lovers and children

Brian Redman and Eddie Bravo are in the building

what’s up hello

much respect to the Korean Zombie

Eddie Bravo is wearing a Korean Zombie shirt

and what this means for you

non MMA people

there’s a guy named Chan Sung Jung who’s the

they call him the Korean Zombie

that’s his nickname

and this weekend

on Saturday night at the UFC against Leonard Garcia

he pulled off the first twister ever in the UFC

and the significance

of course is that Eddie Bravo

our guest today actually invented the twister

no I didn’t invent it

well you invented the wrestling setup

the setup the setups

yes the finishing move

no you call it wrestling mode

but people used to finish people with it in wrestling

you can but did they do it your way

with the S grip on the forehead

I thought that was all

like your your innovation to turn into a submission

uh no no no

people were cranking

I don’t know if they were cranking it

exactly the way I crank it

but I’m pretty sure

did you had you seen other people get submitted with it

before you ever started doing it

we would like to

in high school

I wrestled a couple years

and I wrestled in Santa Ana High

and in 9th grade

a guy named Jesse Barrios

and another guy

his buddy is the one who showed me

I can’t remember his name

I couldn’t even remember it for my book

but Jesse Barrios is his friend

Santana High School 1985

if anybody out there is from that

there’s Jesse

vario’s friend

the other leg rider on that wrestling team

fuck I don’t know what his name was

anyways he showed it to me

and both of those

and in wrestling

leg riding is for weak people

and all that means is is we need

we’re so weak

we need to use our legs

a lot more than the big

strong dudes who were wrestling

and and hitting the weights

and had big chest and shoulders

those guys really didn’t rely on their legs

as much as the weak guys like me

I would skip rest

weightlifting practice

I was in the back

where I was hiding

I was weak even back then

I was a terrible athlete

I’ve never been a great athlete

so I had to rely on using my legs

and I thought you know

they came to me

Jesse came to me

and I go dude

you’ll be perfect for this

you know because they knew I’d just get smashed

if I try to go

a heads up with people

so it’s a pinning move

that I learned in wrestling and

I got I got pretty good at it

I would that was my shit

even in high school

that was my

that was the thing

I always tried

I got some cool ass stories that maybe one day

I’ll talk about them

but I have some cool wrestling stories

but anyways I sucked at wrestling

I only had one take down 2 fucking years I sucked

so I just totally relied on leg riding and

and using the it’s actually called the guillotine

it’s actually not called the twister

it’s called the guillotine

but when I started doing it in jiu jitsu

Higgin Machado

and Jean Jacques Machado would just call it the twister

because the guillotine already existed

there’s a lot of people out there that

that think that I’d like took this wrestling move

and I said I’m gonna try to fool the world

and change the name and say I invented it

there’s thousands of people that think that

it’s hilarious

in my books

from day one

I it was it was the

you’re being a little bit modest

because you invented all these setups

and turned it into a very high percentage finish

yes you invented a lot of setups

from a lot of different places

where it became

I mean none of that stuff existed

but this is the transition

so I ended up quitting wrestling the

work the work ethic

you need to be a good wrestler

something that is just not in my body chemistry

I was not made to work really hard physically

I just I hated work

regular jobs

I knew that’s why it was all about Rockstardam

or playing football

I just wanted to be

like a famous dude who just played for a living

and got paid and was a fucking adored by everybody

that’s what I wanted

I didn’t want to work

I hated work

of course who doesn’t want oh my God

work actually killed me inside

so it drove my artistic side

so once I realized that Mexicans don’t play football

I’m like oh my God

I was in 9th grade

and I was the slowest motherfucker out there

and that was it

you know I had these dreams of playing football

or making into music

that football was crushed in 9th grade

once everyone starts growing

you know what

Junior All Americans American and peewee football

that’s fucked up

I played defensive lineman and middle linebacker

in football

I actually thought I was gonna be a defensive lineman

and a middle linebacker

because when you’re 8 and you’re 9

everyone’s the same size

and you know

there’s some brainwash going on

that really thought I was gonna be a football player

I really thought I was

until 9th grade

shit oh man

when I was in 6th grade

I was supposed to make the football team

cause in my neighborhood

in my neighborhood

I was pretty

I was a pretty good football player

around Mexicans from like

a really poor neighborhood

I was pretty badass

but when you go to school

when you go

when I went to 6th grade

and in junior

all American

when you know football

peewee football

I was pretty

I was pretty good

but once people start growing and start changing

in 6th grade

I went to 6th grade

and I didn’t make the football team

they cut me

I was supposed to be the football star from the

I was so embarrassing

but it was flag football

it wasn’t tackle

so in my head

I’m like wait till 9th grade

when I get to high school

i’mma play some tackle

i’mma show you

what the fuck’s going on

so that’s what I was thinking that

I go fuck this year

fuck 6th grade

so 7th grade

I transferred myself to a far

a school far away

that I only went to cause

there’s another story

there’s more stories

where I was driven away from my junior high school

so I went to another school

tried out for the football team

in the 7th grade

I got cut again

but it was flag football

but I was so embarrassed

that I told

I told my friends growing up

all my kids

I told them that

yeah I made the team

second string quarterback

but you know what

I got in a fight

so they had to cut me

man it sucks

that’s the story

I told them

I told the kids that

I grew up with

thought I made the team

but I got cut

because I got in a fight with a dude

that’s hilarious

I kept that going

that’s so I was so embarrassed

that I didn’t make the team

I was so embarrassed

and then in the 8th grade

one of my the guys that I grew up with

went to that school too

he made the team

he was awesome

I didn’t make the team again

he never brought up the fact that

he never asked anybody

didn’t he make the team

last year that

never got brought up

they never humiliated me

maybe they were talking behind my back

like like I don’t know

I No one ever brought it up

but I did lie about it

and I’m coming clean with it

now I totally lied about it

don’t you think for dudes

that competition like that

any kind of competition

whether it’s football

or wrestling

or anything

is it so important for kids

and they’re growing up

to know how hard it is

if you really wanna get good at something

oh yeah yeah yeah

you gotta tell Mexicans

listen if you’re Mexican

and you think you’re gonna be a football player

look at reality

listen to me

look at reality

there’s not that very

there’s one Mexican

and he plays quarterback

you think you’re gonna be him

get out of get out of football

get that shit out of your head

if you’re Mexican

unless you got some tall motherfuckers in your family

there’s a couple Mexicans out there

but what are the odds

can go ask us

could easily made it

as a maybe maybe

you think maybe

dude that could

there’s a lot more than just being an athlete

everybody’s an athlete

in football

you gotta have some serious skills

and serious magic

yeah he could have just been a really strong

athletic guy there

look at Matt Mitchell

strong and athletic

not Mitchell

is a fucking athlete

right you know

he didn’t so

do you think that

if those guys

came over to the UFC

those super athletes

those NFL dudes

do you think that

like that’s what we’re seeing with

like John Jones

because that’s the talk

that you know

John Jones has 2 brothers

I believe that

are playing

football right now

I mean yeah

that’s incredible

I mean he’s a

super athlete

and there’s dudes that are

super athletes

that are in maybe

other sports

and we’re starting to see him in the UFC

that’s like

a big topic of discussion

like how much

of a difference does like

serious athleticism make

it makes a huge difference

hell yeah John

Jones has been

a fucking doing

he’s been doing

mixed martial arts

for only 3 years

before that

he was a wrestler

I mean that’s incredible

we’re gonna

you know what

it’s already

happened in boxing

just look at

what happened

with boxing

culturally look

what happened

it’s interesting though

that football

and I guess

it’s just where

the money is

that the high money ones

like football

and basketball

they get the best athletes

yes I mean even though

the ufc’s been

around now for

you know since 93

it’s not been like

a real accepted you know

mainstream thing

but for like

the last 5 or 6 years right

wouldn’t you say

yes yes you know

it’s the super athletes that start

jiu jitsu early

wrestling their whole lives

and striking early

they put it together

like the Ruff o brothers yes

it’s the best athletes that start off

like the Ruff o brothers

you know I mean

it’s some people can start off with jiu jitsu

in wrestling and striking early

and achieve so much physically from it

but still they weren’t born with the athleticism

you know what

I mean you gotta be a natural

it’s gotta all come together

you gotta have all the pieces together to make it

in the big sports that we see today

I mean like

you can’t start playing football when you’re 22

and make the NFL

if you do it may have happened once or twice

some African guy

I don’t know

it may have happened

you know what I mean

you know one of them

Matumbo Mckenbey

guys that started playing basketball for 18 months

and he’s in the NBA

you know what I’m saying

every now and then

you get those freaks

but generally

98 of the time

look at what’s going on with all the sport

did they just go and find that dude and say hey

you want to play basketball

I don’t even know

I’m just picking

it up how weird is it

one of those dudes

one of those dudes

I’m sure minut

bowle accumbie matumbo

I can’t even say his name

but one of those dudes

I’m sure started playing basketball late

do you imagine what it must be like

living like Manute Ball

it’s like you’re living in dollhouses everywhere

everywhere you go

they’re dollhouses

everyone’s building is built for dolls

you have to hunch

everywhere you go

at what height

not naturally for girls

for girls taller

guys naturally

the taller you are

the more attractive

you are naturally

but what what

exactly what

size 6 8 6 7

does it become a turn off to girls

cause there must be a turn off point

or are they turned on by guys that are 7ft 3 do that

does a guy a girl

look at a guy 7ft 3

and it’s totally attractive

at least 7ft 3 so rare

I love him so much

or is it like hmm

that’s too tall

I don’t like them that tall

it’s ridiculous

yeah you know what I mean

what is it well

they would also worry

I think evolutionarily about that

is this real

is that a real word

about the baby

getting too big inside of them

and get stuck

coming out of their pussy

and just blow it all out

if you got a 7ft 3 dude

imagine how big is fucking babies are

if it’s half his baby

you know you got a 15

£20 baby inside your hooker you know

what I will say this though I am not attracted to do

like that I’m not attracted a real tall chicks I’m just

yeah that you know and especially when they get fucking

ridiculous of a girl 6ft one

usually they

gotta be they gotta have really pretty faces and

usually their bodies start to

get out of whack you know what I mean it’s just like

but I have looked at big tall ass

chicks and when you see him in public

the thoughts will race through my mind like damn

that’d be nice just to pump a load into her and

see what my baby would see what my boy

would turn out like you know what I mean

how proud would I be of that fucking kid

you know what I mean he’s 6ft 3 and that’s my son

can you imagine

he’s 6ft 5 and that’s my son and he’s beating ass

tod Duffy looking dude oh that’s my son

that’d be cool dude how cool would that be

imagine that’s

what you look for in a girl that’s how you who cares

what she looks like

I mean just

keep on 2 conversations of the same

imagine that’s how you

found girls that’s like how you went to go

date girls just by looking at them as a

mother to a

child I like a

super athlete like you only

wanted that’s what um

that dude who Zulu

remember Zulu

the guy who fought Hicks and Gracie

he has this

story about

the way he described it

was a large negress

and that he knew

that she would make

great babies for him

so he found her

and he described like

what he did

how he shot loads into her

to make a boy

that he knew that

the way he was doing it

was definitely

to make a boy

he had some method

and then Zulu came out

dude I would pay 50 bucks

it’s a great story

I would pay

50 bucks right

now if you said

I got the DVD

the documentary

of that I would go

I’ll give you 50

bucks for that

I would even go

75 bucks but

I’d go your

that’s a lot

but God damn it

I’ll still pay for it

that’s an awesome story

imagine how much of a pain in the ass it must be

if you’re a kid

and your dad

was some fighter

and you’re supposed to be a

fighter too

you like goddamn

really I can’t

just have fun

I can’t just go

hang out no

I gotta go in a

fight oh shit

or like any Zulu

like his son

his son didn’t

really seem like

he wanted to be

doing that right

you know I mean

it’s almost

like I mean

you almost have to

if your dad is

Zulu you know

your dad is this

famous guy who got in

a bare knuckle cage fight

with fucking

Hicks and Gracie

back in the day

yeah maybe he

maybe he wasn’t into

and he kind of

got just like

you know what

I don’t want to work

a regular job

I got a name

I can actually fight

but he did do

jiu jitsu though

he was all right

as you didn’t

he was like

a purple belt

back when he fought

so he was doing

jiu jitsu so

in a weird way

Zulu like jiu

jitsu beat Zulu

but zulu’s son

was into jiu jitsu hmm

that’s pretty

cool right yeah

do you remember that

Hixon Gracie footage

for those who don’t know

hixon vs Zulu

is one of the very

very first like

no rules fights

you know that was

like where they

planned it out

they had a whole arena full

people in Brazil

checking this out

and a young

Hicks and Gracie

he was like 18

I think he was

a representative

of jiu jitsu

fought this giant

super athlete

black dude named Zulu

and this guy’s just yoked

he’s just slamming him

and Hicks and eventually

gets his back

and strangles him

and it’s one of

those all time

great videos

where people

watch it like

jujitsu guys

back in the day

he was like

this is proof

man this is

proof like look

if you get a good jiu jitsu

you can overcome

a guy like this

and he’s only 18

it was like

a big fucking deal

and the footage is so bad

but it looks cool

it’s like 50th generation

all that footage

it’s dudes taping it

off VHS somehow

I got the DVD

and then a copy

and it already

started off as

terrible footage

now it’s like

like silhouetted

kind of it’s

like a yellow

and black and orange

type thing but

it’s classic

one of the coolest

things that

I ever got out of

being famous

was I got to have

dinner with Hixon

that was one of

the coolest

things ever

I had dinner with Hixon

and then we went

over his house

and we watched fights

and he broke down

what dudes were doing wrong

he was watching

Mario Sperry

fight in Coliseum

and he was just talking

about space

he was talking about

I give no space

I give no space

he was talking

about so like

such an intense dude

you know like

he was talking about

you know like

his philosophy on jujutsu

very simple

we started 0

and from 0 we’re

going to one

and we’re not

going back to 0

and then from one

we’re going to 2

2-3 to checkmate

that’s where we’re

going to go

I was like god damn

you get the chills

talking to him

like I’m sitting here

talking to Hixon

motherfucking Gracie

and he’s giving me like

some intense

life philosophy

on how he strangles dudes

you know he’s like

he’s into it

you know when we were

watching all

these fights

he’s breaking

the shit down

and he watched

the Funaki fight

with him and Funaki

those Hixon

fights man god

I wish there were

more of them

so annoying man

so annoying

that you don’t

get to see the

the best supposed


ever of jujitsu

at the time

fighting those

guys you know

finding all

Mark coleman’s

and you know

all the fucking guys

that everyone

was scared of

Mark her and

all that shit

how fascinating

would that have been

man yeah fuck

that would have

been awesome

damn that would

freak me out

it really would

it would freak me out

to sit and hang out with Hicks and Gracie

he’s cool as fuck

that would freak me out

he’s a super nice guy

his son is cool as fuck

nobody else in jiu jitsu

they would freak me out like Hixon

you know what I mean

marcella Garcia to me

marcella Garcia is the number one jiu jitsu guy

that’s ever lived

I think Marcella Garcia

is the number one guy that’s ever lived

you know but Hixon would is the most

mystical and rock star ish

yeah you know what I mean

he’s like motherfucker

was an Incredible Hulk

you know what I mean

you know the Incredible Hulk with Ed Norton

when Ed Norton

is learning how to calm and control himself

Hicks and Gracie slapping him in the face

that’s that’s the man

yeah I would freak out if if

if like me and Hixon would just sitting there

talking to jiu jitsu

I mean it’s not out of the question

that might happen in the future

for sure it might

it might not

I would love it

I would that would be a fucking dream of mine

to hang out and talk jiu jitsu

and break shit down to the core

for the people who don’t know the history

Eddie Bravo tapped hixon’s brother

Hoyler and Abu Dhabi 2003

and this giant upset when Eddie was a brown belt

and he caught him with a triangle

so there’s like this perceived animosity sometimes

because of that

but there’s none exists

you’ve never been anything

but respectful of any of those guys

you know it’s just there’s

I know that they were trying to do some sort of

a rematch with you and Hoyler

but yeah I guess that was what would happen

is a promoter called or emailed me last

October right

October or November

and it was a guy that I’ve done privates for

I know who he is

and he’s really high up in jiu jitsu in the Middle East

in Abu Dhabi

and they’re putting together

they were putting together a No Gi

World Championship in Abu Dhabi

they never had a No Gi one

they’re doing Gi World Championships out there

but the No Gi ones

they wanted to have one in April

and they asked me if they wanted to have me and Hoyler

as a super match

but they never contacted him

they told this is what happened

then I emailed him back

and I’m like

you know me

I’m down to rematch Hoyler anytime

I’ve always been down

I’ve never been the one denying it

I want one more match

any other fighters

still working on my music

you know there’s

there’s a lot

of stress but it’s all good stress there’s so much

going on there’s so much on my

plate right now there’s so much shit that i’m doing

you know if i’m

gonna put that all to the side

we’re off the air

yeah yeah you

stream crash

you stream you

dirty bitches back on now

you stream silly

they can’t get this shit together

yeah it’s it’s

i know one of

the biggest problems people have been having lately the

uh where you’re trying to

watch it back and it stops

and then starts back up

again then stops what’s that from

it’s uh they’re

adding new servers they’re

switching the

servers to new servers so that

should be fixed

pretty soon

complaining this is all free your

dream is fun i mean it’s it’s a nice

most the time we concentrate on the

audio version of this thing but

but i don’t mind yes

you should turn

on i think it’s

fine just when

eddie hides from the

bottom line is i’m down

anytime to that

i’m not the one turning it down

eddie i saw you

do your live show your

music a couple

sundays ago and i have seen you i

think all the last

three or four

times you’ve done the viper room and this last time

fucking amazing man you guys have really tightened

your ship and it was really

entertaining like it was

pretty legit

this time that last time around

thank you very much

the secret was

you grease the

sound guy and the

stage manager 100

bucks each and they

treat you like

royalty exactly they really made it

sound really good getting

usually those guys get paid 10 an hour

they’re like next

another fucking shitty band another shitty band

they’re just like not feeling it

at all they don’t want to hear anything yeah it was a

perfect day but

that 100 that wakes

their fucking

asses up yeah

that was good man

it does you guys

gotta stay alive

it’s like tipping

a stripper a hundred

bucks that’s deep

you tip a stripper a hundred

bucks you’re

gonna take her to her maximum

whatever that maximum is

you tip a stripper

100 bucks she’s

gonna go to the maximum

absolutely that she can get away with at the club yeah

are you doing that

like on a regular basis now are you

gonna be doing it

every month and a half two

months or anything

we’re just playing and having fun and writing

music and just producing shit

you know we got a lot of fucking new

stuff it’s taking forever to put this together

cause i’m a busy


right i wish i

could i moved closer to my recording

studio i just

moved to sherman oaks

the reason was to get closer to that

studio cause i need

now start shit’s

pumping you know i got a couple songs on the

never back down to soundtrack

one of them’s the theme

song dropped is the theme song oh really yeah i

never gonna

use they were gonna use

originally the

jiu jitsu song

they thought i mean when michael j

white the producer

heard that he wanted that as a theme song

right away like

like that second we

gotta get michael j

white in here

yes yes he was

sure he’s awesome he’s a great guy

he was you know who he is who is

tyson in that

movie tyson and

spawn too yeah spawn

super fucking

cool guy like one of the most down normal guys you

could ever hang out with

just so like

but like no bullshit he’s got like no bullshit

about him yes you know what i mean like

super like even normal

cool dude yeah

like the guys like

he’s a movie star man i mean he’s

he’s fucking

spawn you know

but you’re hanging out with him he’s like totally cool

totally normal you know

it’s got some

great fucking stories been a lifelong martial artist

he fights kyokus in


still yeah he

still goes in there in

those fucking bare knuckle

punch the check

chest leg kick head kick

tournament dude michael zhang

is no joke no joke dude i mean he no

biggie is huge

he’s like six foot

three six foot four

235 pounds of

super super

i mean and he’s explosive

i mean holy shit

i mean the stuff he does

that he does some like never back down to

first of all never back down one

as if you don’t know is the first

mma movie to go mainstream that was the biggest mma

movie to date but it was terrible

they made it into like the fast and the furious mma

and it was terrible

but the one thing i remember anything is

these days right

everything seems to have the same sort of tone to it

these young

is like they’re letting you know and like

these fast and furious

never back down

any of those kind of movies

they’re letting you know we’re

never gonna get real deep like we’re all just

we’re agreeing to this

right off the bat what it is is like a music

video what it is is

the people that can make movies and put them right in

the guys that have that power

they really don’t know that much about

mma they just got into it

and they’re like i’m gonna make an mma

movie i’m gonna make them

fighting movie man

like this tap out stuff

and they’re the guys with the power

they’re not gonna let the guys that

could really put together an authentic mma

movie how are they gonna get their movie

this movie company can only

is only pushing

three movies a year

this one’s only pushing ten

you know what i mean you’re

gonna get yours on that spotlight

well someone did

and obviously there were a bunch of

knuckleheads that put that movie together the first one

the first one’s really bad

the story is always like the new guy in town

you know he’s really handsome

and all the

other guys that are bad guys in town

there’s gotta be hot

chips sure oh

and he meets the

girlfriend and you know the guy

doesn’t treat her good and this new guy does and

it’s the same formula with a

we could do a

scary movie

we can do an

mma movie now we need to do a race car

movie with that

we’re gonna do a dancing

movie where they like

dance off same

story though

it’s the same guys

the guys with the

green light

power they’re not idiots

they’re not

they just don’t know the

sport that well that’s a

they don’t know how

the little things that an mma

expert can just like

pick it apart

like the little

things like they’re

fighting and

they’re fighting in like in the circle of people

standing like

this it doesn’t happen you know

what i’m saying

when steven

seagal had become really

famous they started

like a search

like different

studios were having

searches of martial artists

all across the country find the next steven seagal

and so they met with me in new york

and i don’t remember what

studio it was

about but i

said the number one problem with martial arts

movies is that a real martial artist is

gonna look at that shit

and go that’s not real

that can’t happen

that’s unrealistic and they were like

he got arrogant with me they’re like that’s

ridiculous no

who’s gonna know you and like a few

other people

believe me it

doesn’t matter yeah yeah it does

get arrogant

he was really arrogant

about it i’m like i’m telling you

as a person like

if you’re a guitar player okay and you’re

watching some fucking

movie about the

buddy holly

story and there’s a guy playing guitar

and you know he’s not really playing guitar

that would drive you

crazy if you saw some guy

and he’s doing this and the

music is coming out but you know this

motherfucker is not playing that music

that’s the game plan

as a musician

wouldn’t that

drive you fucking nuts totally you

could pick that out yeah i

was crazy yeah

they always

check the technique

yeah and i was telling

these guys i’m like look

there’s some badass shit that you can do that’s real

that really does work and i can show you

i can show you some badass shit that really works

but all this

flying double scissor

kick two dudes at the same time that’s

silly nonsense

this is silliness

yeah like you’re doing silly

stuff i remember walking out of

never back down one going

okay it sucked but at least

they got the

mainstream used to armbars and triangles and at

least they got them

used to looking at

fights movie big movie

fights do you

remember there’s a triangle in an armbar that’s kind

of lethal weapon

whore yeah that

was a triangle yeah corey

and gracie was a

fight coordinator for lethal weapon

but in movies like that you see

stuff like that

every now and then sprinkled in but

like in and

never back down

they explained it they’re

training it it’s like a new

like a secret weapon so they

focused on it like an

lethal weapon he

gets him in a triangle but they didn’t say wow

look what he’s actually doing at the brain

most people

didn’t even know that was a technique they’re like oh

he had him between his legs

like they don’t even see the technique you know i can’t

think triangle without

thinking about

rampage jackson and

arona whenever anybody even mentions the word triangle

all i think

about is that fight

because that

was the craziest end to a triangle attempt ever

yeah rampage picked him up like a pillow and

slammed them

do you remember we were over here

watching that shit

do you remember how

scary that was

that was scary

look if you put that in a

movie you would say bullshit

that could never really happen

but you know what i mean

it hasn’t happened since and

you said this i’ll

never forget you said ooh

he might be dead

yeah we were

watching this and you went oh he

might be dead like

that was the cra if you’ve

never seen that slam

he’s trying to get

arona is trying

to get rampage in a triangle and rampage defends it

by picking him up over his head

and slamming them down full

force onto the ground and then head butting him

they collided heads accidentally just from the impact

it was a double wham

but if that

would happen on concrete

he would have been a vegetable

if he was lucky

you know what i

mean he was

lucky he was

you’re probably

gonna be dead but if you’re a vegetable like damn

yeah at least you kept him alive

that’s how hard his head

hit his head

it would have

exploded i wonder

i wonder if that’s affecting his career now and oh

for sure it is

you think unquestionably that was a fucking violent

knockout man

that was an unbelievably violent knockout

and then right

afterwards so

could you knocked him out remember

so that was two in a row

you know when you get bombed out like that

so could you one was brutal too man

so could you out of the gate you remember how

scary that guy was out of the gate

out of the gate

knocks out noguera

hogerio noguera

and then arona two in a row

and does it like he’s just gonna

steamroll everyone yeah

looks like a mad destroyer

jesus and and then someone told me you

gotta watch

a fight of his

against glover to shera

you know who was one of the guys from

chuck’s camp

from sll do you remember that guy

yeah big really

strong light

heavyweight but he had like visa problems i think

but a really

scary dude dangerous dangerous dude and

he fought sokojo and broke him

he fought socojo

and stopped him with strikes

and then you know that this was all

after that that was apparently

early early on

he said something like one of

those guys that almost

maybe got thrown into the deep end too

quick yeah it’s

never too late for so

could you so

could you just focused on

on getting really good at jujutsu and not and not

end up like

one of those fighters

you know one of

those olympic

wrestlers that

never learn jujitsu you know

if he falls in love with jujitsu

continues to progress with the striking

he’s gonna be a

force but he’s

if he doesn’t

learn jujutsu if he

doesn’t fall

in love with jujutsu his chances are very slim of

getting to the top

it’s real weird when you see you know

you always like to say well

there’s certain amount of losses a

fighter has and then they’re done

but every now and then there’s a guy who comes

along that just defies

that shit that like loses a

bunch of times but then gets it together and then

starts winning

jorge santiago

he’s a good example of that

anderson silva was just running the mill

leota machida

for a few years

that were like ah he’s all right

so the fighters

right now that you

think yeah but i mean i’m talking

about losses i’m talking

about bouncing back from losses

machita you know only

bounced back from the

shogun loss

but like alistair

alistair overran

i think he’s been stopped nine times

bobby hoffman stopped him you know

he got submitted by verdoom

haratanoff stopped him

chuck stopped him

a lot of guys stopped him

and if you looked at him on

paper with all

those stoppages you

would say well how is this guy ever

gonna be the best

but then you look at him now

shit he’s one of the best man yeah

and his jiu

jitsu is good

he’ll kill you with a yeah

and his his

striking is

no one’s close

that motherfucker is the

strike force

grand prix champion

and or the excuse me the k1 grand prix

champion and

the strike force

champion and the

dream champion and

who the fuck

has ever been able to do that do kickboxing

at the highest

level and mma

the thing that saves

ovary is that

he mastered the guillotine

anybody try to take him down

you gotta take him down i mean

most people aren’t

gonna try to

stand with them there’s

gonna be a couple

you know brave

motherfuckers out there that try to

stand with them

there will be an

mma but usually

they’re gonna try to take him down

they got to

worry about that guillotine yeah his guillotine’s

death he’s fucking cemented

veto over there

this is good

and his ground game is good too because his brother

valentine ovarimu

he hasn’t had

a successful

career as of yet he’s

still fighting

but he’s a real

smart guy and is in love with

jiu jitsu valentine

ovarim’s jiu

jitsu is really really good and that’s his brother

so it’s rubbing off on him because

overream i was to one

he run the abu dhabi european

trials didn’t he

something like that i

don’t quote me on it but i know

his jiu jitsu is good

that’s the key

all you guys out there i know i

never fought

but in my opinion i’ve been in the business

getting paid

since 2000 that’s a getting

paid watching

fighters come and go

watching fight camps come and go

meeting all

these guys and get to i’m like i’m

experiment like i go through

their lives

and it’s never too late

to get your career together

you have to fall in love with jiu jitsu

of course you need like the mental

state together

you gotta have

you can’t you know have a fragile ego

and you gotta

you gotta have a warrior’s mind

but if you have a warrior’s mind you love to

fight you love to

train you have a

great work ethic

please fall in love with some jiu jitsu

fall in love with it

then you become dangerous on the ground a wrestler

who is not interested

in learning how to take people out

that’s like a

basketball player not interested in like

shooting the ball

i just wanna

dribble i’m just

gonna dribble

i don’t need to

shoot the ball i’m just

gonna dribble look at me i’m a

great dribbler

yeah your dribbling is awesome

you gotta get good at closing the show making some

points how could you be a

wrestler and not be in love

with choking necks

fall in love with it

study marcelo garcia

he’s got a website 30

bucks a month if you’re in

mma right now

and you’re not

studying marcelo garcia

you’re behind the times

he’s the number one guy in

jiu jitsu number one and no gi

jitsu no one’s better than him

if you’re an

mma fighter

fall in love with

marcella garcia that’s a

great start

jeff glover

another great

start if you

fall in love with jeff glover and

marcella garcia

bone both of them

you know what i’m saying

and bless of course you

some dude just likes to stand

yeah that’s good too but

you’re gonna go so far

in what i’ve seen

working backstage at all

these goddamn shows for

the ufc for

eight years

that’s what i see

i see the guys come and go

come and go

and the main

thing at the very top

at the very top

even if you’re a brazilian jiu jitsu

black belt and you won the moondials a

bunch of times

what i see i see

the prelims for the last

eight years

a lot of people don’t see

what’s going on in the prelims

just getting signed if you’re

under 170 and you get signed to the ufc

that doesn’t mean shit you

gotta get through the prelims to get to the main card

you know how many

fights you gotta win to be

on the main card and your 170

pounds they’re

gonna put you on the main card

you gotta win more than two

fights and you better be exciting

so getting signed to the

ufc is like

and i’ve used this before

it’s like those turtles that

they’re born they’re hatched in the

yeah you’re born yeah you’re

alive but now you got to get past the seagulls

and all the

crabs attacking you good luck making it to the ocean

the main card

good luck it’s really hard

my point is

i see a lot of guys come and

never make it to the preli

there’s been a lot of brazilian jiu jitsu

black belts out there

i don’t wanna say any names

a lot of them coming through

and they just get

smashed by wrestlers no one ever sees it

no one ever talks

about it it’s not on the


and they just disappear

there’s been a lot of them

there’s been guys that rise and are stars like

charles oliveira

and that rocha guy i like

those guys i want them to

you know their

submissions look

slick no gi

but there’s a lot of guys

that get they can’t get

to the main card because they couldn’t get past the

elite wrestler

even though they were a black belt

in the ghee

they’re on their back

the guard is okay sometimes

things catch

but overall

i see a lot of guys lose decisions because

they’re on their back

against some average

college wrestler

they couldn’t get passed by

i see that a lot

that’s what i’ve seen

unless i unless i

dreamed it or it’s

like i’m having delusions

that’s what i thought i see

i see a lot of guys come through

they don’t have the answer for the

elite wrestler

if you haven’t

wrestled your whole life

if you haven’t

wrestled your

whole life guess what

most of the guys at the top have wrestled

and you better have the answer for them that’s your

worst nightmare you better be

training for that wrestler

right now because that’s what you’re

gonna hit and

every year more and more

wrestlers are quitting

their job at fucking home depot

and they’re

watching the

ultimate fighter

going i could be

famous too i

wrestle twenty

three years

fuck this life they got

three kids they hate their wife

there’s a lot of

these guys coming they’re coming

they want to be

famous too there’s a new celebrity in town

and it’s the

mma fighter

and these guys they’re a

bunch of them the judo guys are

going should i

could do it too

i almost went to the olympics in judo

there’s all

these guys coming out

what are you

gonna do to them

these guys are used to being on top they’ve been

wrestling since

you’re gonna

start wrestling now if you

haven’t wrestled your

whole life your

guard better be amazing it better be ninja

when they talk

about your guard you

think you’re

gonna make it to the top of mma

and you haven’t

wrestled your whole life

if they’re not talking

about your guard like it’s fine

fucking phenomenal so dangerous stay away from his

guard it’s amazing

if they’re not saying that

about your guard

your chances are slim that you’re

gonna get past the

elite wrestler

cause you’re not

gonna be on top for sure

and it’s a 50 50 beat em strike

if you beat em striking

you know you

might win a few

these new young guys man all of them are

super equipped

like this michael

mcdonald kid that fought this weekend you see that

fight i didn’t see that

fight oh my

god what a fight

edwin figueroa

michael mcdonald they fought at a hundred and

forty five prelim

one forty five or one

thirty five i

think it was one

forty five forgive

me if i’m not sure yeah it was one of the prelims

it aired on like facebook or you know one of

those things

maybe a spike i

think it was facebook though

this fucking kid is

super talented dude

super talented and both of them are the figueroa

took the fight on six days notice and cut

twenty pounds

to to make the weight

class i’m pretty sure was one

thirty five

either way um

uh figueroa cut all this

fucking weight and uh was getting his ass kicked in the

first round

but then just gutted it out and

starts going

after him in the

second round and the

third round dude it was just a

crazy fucking fight

but this kid

mcdonald had him in

a triangle armbar combination he had his back he just

it was it was sick sick display of

striking and

jiu jitsu together

at least fucking 20 years old man

all these new guys that are coming up they can do

everything they can wrestle

they can do

jiu jitsu they’re good off their back

they’re all good off their back

that you have to be

that’s the next

stage there’s no getting past that there’s no way

ultimately being

having an average

guard like most

typical mma

fighters just

that average

guard that we’re seeing now

if you have that you’re gone well i

felt that the days of a guy

not being good at any of the aspects of

mma are on the way out there’s not that many

room there’s not that much room left

it’s like every

other sport man

it gets broken down to its bare essentials

and everything

gets exposed and now that we know the bare essentials

it’s real simple you have to have all of them in

place you have to have

wrestling you have to have

striking you have to be good off your back it’s

a science it’s a science and

we’ve both of us have worked backstage and we see

these guys come and go

it really is a strange perspective for me

i’m getting to see

what every fight i see in the

truck for the last

eight years

i’m analyzing what works and what

doesn’t i’m constantly

doing the research

and talking he’s got see him come see him go

i could put careers together like charts

you know and there’s a

weird arrogance to not wanting to

learn some aspects of this more yes

that’s the problem basically

if the people you roll with

this you know if you’re an mma

fighter and the people you roll with

aren’t talking

about your jiu

jitsu like it’s amazing

man your chances are slim

that’s why people eventually

you see these stars rise

and again this is all coming from a guy

assigned to

studying charts

backstage i’ve

never fought i’m not a badass i’m not an athlete

i’m not this tough dude

i just noticed

things that’s all

i noticed things

on a hyper level

and i noticed

that the fighters that come and go

the ones that come

if you put them i can’t name names that’s the problem

you see them come and

then you see them go

if you put them all together

they their jiu jitsu was

never discussed one common denominator

was their jiu

jitsu was probably

never discussed as something lethal

at their own gym

you know what i mean

probably not

i could go on that

level there’s a lot of guys who can get away with just

wrestling and really good

striking for a

while for a

while yeah if you can keep the

fight you gotta be good at

everything and people are leaving out razor

sharp finishing jiu jitsu

they’re leaving that out there’s a lot of guys that are

spending most of

their time working on the

striking which is

great but i

think the main concern is you know what i’m

gonna be as

tough as i can

i don’t wanna be exposed i don’t wanna get

knocked i’m

gonna do everything i can

to not get knocked the fuck out in

front of the world

so most people

focus on the

striking i totally

understand that

but you have if you want to make

if you want to

fight if you want a long career

you want a long

successful career

you have to fall in love

with jiu jitsu and that means you have to get into

you have to

study the top guys and the top guys are marcelo

hodra gracie

and jeff glover

just the most beautiful

jiu jitsu just watch that

and you gotta

start getting into that if you’re not into it

and your career’s not

going that great

ask yourself that question

think about

think about what i’m saying

i’m you know

you got to fall in love with

jiu jitsu you have to

not just striking and wrestling

especially if you want look if you like

fighting you’re

gonna wanna have

a career that’s long and you’re gonna

wanna take as little damage as possible

and if you don’t have like a really good

submissions if that option isn’t

in your toolbox at all times

you know you’re

gonna engage in longer

fights than necessary you’re

gonna get more damage than necessary

you know there’s guys that

would see you know you know that have

equal striking

but one guy will see an opening for a

submission and jump on it

even though he’s

striking with the guy

because he recognizes it’s the correct

thing to do that it’s there

but for some

guys they don’t have that option in the toolbox

and if you don’t

have that option in your toolbox you’re

gonna have a longer you’re

gonna have longer fights

they’re gonna

have they’re

gonna be more brutal you’re

gonna take more damage

and you have less options

and overall

whoever has the less options is gonna

do not as good

it’s just science and if there’s more time

fighting there’s more

time you’re getting hit there’s more chances you’re

getting hurt it’s that simple it’s really that simple

if you want to lengthen

your career you want to be as effective as possible

and if you want to have

the most dynamic career you want to be as effective as

take whatever the fuck is there

that’s why george

saint pierre so good

just george

saint pierre

never commits to doing anything

i mean he might be

he might be

he might decide the game plan is to box you

but if you take him down

it’s not like he hasn’t been working on his

guard it’s not like he hasn’t been working on getting

right back up to his feet and it’s not like he’s not

really comfortable

strangle you on the ground if it’s there

he’s not gonna

stand up and let you

stand up and

start banging it out with you

again if he sees an opening he’s

gonna take it he’s

gonna strangle you

are we ever

gonna see george

singing pierre be put on his back

did he fight some guy that just putting him on his back

at will and we’re

gonna have to see how good george

st pierre’s

guard is this

fight i think that’ll ever happen this

fight easily

could be that jake

shields could easily get a hold of george

you think so i

think yes i

think stand up wise

stand up wise george is very

fluid he’s much more fluid

he’s more capable his jab is nasty that

he does that superman jab too and fucks you up with it

he’s nasty on

his feet man who leg kicks george oh for sure

he’s nasty yeah so he won

kickboxing contest with

diego alves basically

i mean there were some take downs in that fight

but the kickboxing part of it the

stand up part george won that shit george is a beast

so jake is at a significant disadvantage

standing up

but jake is a

motherfucker dude

if he gets a hold of him

if he gets that fucking double

under hooks on george and really squeezes

if somehow another he finds himself in a position where

you know george ziggs when he

should have zags or he

somehow another gets him pressed up

against the cage and actually gets a hold of them

things get real interesting man

things get real interesting

it’s all about how they’re gonna

match up i mean

i could see it two ways i can see

jake shields taking

maybe ninety

seconds to pass george’s

guard and then he finally passes

and then within

a minute he sinks in a rear naked

choke or some guillotine

and then puts them out and you’re like wow man

he took his time but he sort of went through george i

could see that maybe

or i could also see

him not being able to pass george

st pierre’s guard

george st pierre’s guard

might be insane

like by this time the last time we saw it i

think it was

maybe carl prison or something

i forget the last time we saw it but

he was on his back

i don’t think he did that much

but now who knows

yeah he’s preparing for

maybe yeah maybe his

maybe jake shields can’t pass george

or he passes the half guard

and then he passed

the side control and then he recovers like damn he’s

gotta pass again

one of those battles one of those

chess matches

and if it’s like that

maybe later in the

rounds george

saint pierre has a

child a tired jake

shields jake shields

is able to get like one take down out of

three or four

attempts he’s able to get him drag him down but

damn now he can’t pass his guard

he’s getting

tired now he’s got a

stand and he’s tired

that could happen too

or he could go through them fuck

who knows it’s a

total mystery it’s a

total mystery it

could go both ways and i’d go

oh damn it went that way i’m

super excited for

that one man who knows i’m

super excited for that

another scenario

is jake shields cannot take down george same pair

not even once

that’s another scenario sure

i mean if that happened i’d be like damn

his wrestling wasn’t good enough

cause if you look at josh koschek man josh koschek

on paper was a better

wrestler than

jake shields on

paper he did more in college he was like

an all american

maybe a national

champion once i

think i think he was the best uh huh

chuckle delton and josh costcheck was the best college

wrestler at

all fast yeah

and so he couldn’t fuck with gsv

yeah what if jake

shields can’t take down gsp that’s possible

that’s possible too fuck yeah it’s possible or

maybe he takes him down

super easy or

maybe it looks like

if you were you know an interesting thing

with the phil

davis no gara

fight was phil davis

could not take down little nog in that first

round and it looked

it looked like

for me if i was phil

davis’s coach i

would have been like man you can’t take him down

but you know what phil

davis kept doing

he kept trying

and in the second

round he just kept trying

and then he finally

got him down he

switched it from doubles a single

yes he did that and

he just kept

fucking plugging away with the wrestling

yeah a lot of

wrestlers at that

point would have just

said fuck it i’m gonna

stand with them and take my chances there well phil

davis is so confident with his

wrestling yeah he just

stuck with you here his post

fight interview

he had a lot of physical problems coming into his camp

apparently yeah he got injured a couple times and

he was having some real problems

where he wasn’t sure he was

gonna go through the fight

you see how fast he

flicks up those head kicks dude yeah holy shit

he landed that

front kick to the face like harrison

does too that’s

crazy his legs are so

powerful and so fast he just springs up

you know god

damn he’s got the most

ridiculous mesomorphic build ever

yeah you know

as far as like you look like the

classic mesomorph you know

where there’s different body

structures ectomorph

was it what

was the other one

i don’t know any of

those morphs

mesomorph ectomorph

endomorph endomorph

endomorph is like it

never tend to be overweight

ectomorph is like really

skinny and mesomorphs are like

really wide

shoulders heavily muscled

like really like

super athlete builds

and he’s got a perfect mesomorphic

build his like

his his hips are like really narrow

but then it

flares out like big shoulders

you know he’s


like like the way he looks like he’s like a

bulldog yeah but no it’s like looks like like a fucking

like a comic book

superhero isn’t it

weird that it’s kind of

it’s like like on the on the fence of being

racist kind of like

if you bring up that you know

that the african

american build huh

oh they’ve after you

bring up the african american

athlete this like

just takes over all

sports is like

you know what i even

talk about is guys who are

look guys like phil

davis and john

jones they work

fucking incredibly hard this is not just

a matter of guys who

are just genetically gifted and they don’t have to try

no no the thing

that both those guys have in common besides being

black and besides being

super athletes

is they’re both

super fucking driven they work really hard

and they’re both really intelligent guys

who know what

they have to do and go throughout and didn’t do it

so when anybody questions what they’ve done to get

where they are they’re like well fuck you

you know you know you

have no idea how much work i put in this is not easy

but they’re

still better at it than

other people i mean

yeah it’s like they got all the ingredients like

you can’t have you can’t be a natural gifted athlete

and not work hard that’s not good enough now you

gotta have both you

gotta work hard

and the edge

is the natural

stuff is the edge i’m no

super athlete but when i was doing taekwondo

i know there

were certain people that i had physical advantages over

that they were undeniable

just having

larger bones for my size being able to hit harder

you know there’s certain certain

things that you

know you know

isn’t that weird how it’s kind of

racist to talk

about that shit i

could talk about it myself though because i’m italian

look you know joey diaz was talking to me

about this on the

phone the other day

he’s like your

whole family they’re fucking masons

masons from italy

those guineas

those guineas make good masons

because everybody else

tapped out everybody else is like fuck this i’m not

carrying rocks

the guineas like fuck you i’ll

carry these fucking rocks

and that’s what i mean it’s

no different in a racist

way than the idea that

you know african americans were at one

point in time

slaves and they were bred to be larger and stronger

you know why is that why is that

racist is that

people got fired

jimmy the green absolutely

isn’t that like been a proven fact

is it is it a proven fact

i don’t know

it’s like it’s

like a racist you

can’t bring yeah it’s totally like a

racist to say that they have the fucking

greatest bodies of all time yeah

why that i wish is to say

they’re the

greatest athletes ever

michael jordan i mean

could you stop

who the fuck is a

greater athlete than michael jordan

you remember when we were kids

used to see

those pictures of him flying

through the fucking air

what was the last time a white guy

was flying through the air in a

basketball game like that

i mean he could fly

you remember

those photos

in sports illustrated

where you’re like there’s no way that’s real

there’s no way that guy’s that high in the air he

could fly it’s like

it’s the reason it’s like

it’s they think i

think the people that

think it’s racist

see it as when they say if you

bring it up it’s almost like

yeah you’re a better athlete but

you know is because we owned you

you know what i

mean it’s a direct

you know what i mean it’s that kind of feel

like well i

could see that yeah

all my relatives are

from italy and ireland so

nobody owned anybody in my family so

you might be half black joe

well i’m mostly sicilian

so if you follow the

movie true romance

there’s a lot of

black in my past it’s such a beautiful you know what

if i could add a time machine and i can go back

and i could

mess with parallel dimensions and universes

i would choose a life where

i was in a world

where all the mexicans were enslaved

and they got created

like amazing athletes and then i was

a product of that

i wouldn’t like for me

right now i

think that would be that’s a cool

background i

think people were enslaved you know

for me i don’t

understand the

like you know cause

i’m not black so

they have a

whole different feeling i

think if i go back into my history if i

could get a time machine

jean and go back to the history of my dna

i think a long

evolution you know

if evolution is real and if one

point in time we were actually

lower hominids and we

evolved to become

humans and these hairless apes

i think there must be

stages along the way you know

and i think at one

point in time

one of my great great

ancestors fucked a

monkey probably shouldn’t have been fucking anymore

you know what i mean

it was like

one crazy monkey that was probably

gonna die out one

crazy wild monkey

and this more

evolved monkey was like goddamn but i am horny

and he shot a load of that crazy

monkey and that

monkey became like this hybrid

and that’s where i

that’s my genetic lineage

i definitely came from

i definitely have just a hair more

monkey in them than the regular person

there’s no doubt about it

there’s no doubt

about it i mean if we if you look at evolution

you know you look

at like evolve people you know who looks evolve to me

asian people do

asian people

they have less hair

they’re fucking awesome at math

they’re incredibly hard workers

you know they’re talking

about having these

these they’re

gonna have this this

thing in japan

where the the nuclear

power plants have melted down dude

a bunch of people more than fifty are

gonna die for sure

cause they went in there to

clean that shit up

like they sacrifice themselves

yeah that shit would

never happen

if with my people

anybody in my family

anybody with my genetics that’s not happening my

culture that’s not happening we’re not

gonna do that who’s

the japanese to me

that seems to be the most of all so that’s

racist against me

and i think i’m closer to a

monkey than japanese people are i’m a racist

against myself

speaking of fucking animals have you seen that

vice guide to

where they fuck donkeys

in colombia

holy shit yeah

that i didn’t think they

would actually show it yeah or show like a 12 year old

that was trolling what if they’re

trolled us it was all invented

they would be in

trouble they would be in trouble

already when that the 12 year old goes like i

i like to spread

the pink pussy

apart and it’s so red

i love the fuck did

donkey pussy

fuck donkeys

yeah it’s so disturbing

who are they just

these get colombians yeah they

catch these guys fucking donkeys it’s like there’s a

whole bunch of them fucking donkeys

in this part of colombia

if there’s people

fucking animals anywhere it’s happening in all cultures

with this part of colombia it’s kind of well known

in their society that your first

sex is with a donkey

like it’s normal like

how weird is it that that is

going on the

exact same time

your neighborhood is

going on or your neighborhood

is going on you know i’m saying

like you know you think

this is all

happening at the same time on this planet there’s

parts of this planet

that are in a totally different

frequency than we are

right here yeah if i

lived in columbia in some

third world country

like that i’d probably be fucking a donkey

every now and

then for goof

fuck it what else is there to do

there’s probably not enough chicks

all the good ones get

taken up by the dictators

yeah you know what i

mean they all get the best ones they get em swooped up

do you imagine how

much it must suck to be born into some really fucking

crazy little

small country that’s

super poor and has dirt roads

and you don’t even realize how fucked up

everything is

until one day you go somewhere there’s a tv

and you look at the tv and you see like manhattan

and shit and

buildings and skyscrapers and people eating dinner and

juicy steaks you like what the fuck

like where’s all this happening

and you’re stuck with no

shoes on you get your

shoes are made out of

water bottles

ever seen those kids

they make flip flops out of

water bottles

have you seen that shit yeah that’s

going on right now man

going on right now in the world

they also said that in that document

that there was

like sometimes there’s like that one slutty donkey

that’s just walking around the streets

and sometimes i was so horny i

would not even use a condom and now fuck

the neighborhood donkey slut oh

jesus christ

you know fucking

cheap is huge

you know yeah

sheep fucking yeah

remember that

sheep vagina pit

that mockumentary

for the band

show that was

never even close to

getting made yeah what was it

well we’re talking

about a sheep

vagina like

maybe sheep pussies like way better than regular

pussy like yeah

it starts leaking supposed to be though

it’s supposed to

sheep pussy supposed to be like

way like as realistic to a real

pussy as possible but it gets

so good and

the bit is it gets so good

it’s a it’s a

twenty twenty mockumentary

like like this is already what’s happening put

sheep pussy is so good that it leaked into the city

people started

sneaking you

know living with

sheep in the city and it got

it got to be

a big problem and everyone’s fucking sheep and

that’s it no there was like violent murders and

stuff there was

remember oh there was a sheep problem that was a

sheep sheeps

would start murdering other sheeps

yeah because they could they

smell you jealous they feel

great they felt

way better than a

female vagina so everyone’s oh

into it everyone loves their sheep everyone’s got

sheep at their houses everyone’s got

but if you cheat on your sheep

if they smell sheep on you

they’ll attack you and

eat your dick and just kill you like

a chimpanzee

dude’s got murdered

it’s becoming a problem so they’re outlined

sheep vagina and they had we had sheep sheep gang war

where the sheep would go into the next door neighbors

fucking house and kill their sheep

if you had to fuck one animal

which one which kind of animal

would you you would just

seems like just go with the flow man yeah i

think they’ve already figured it out you know

and all that shit

giraffe no you wanna go crazy

no no alligator not worth it they’re settling on

sheep for some reasons

a reason you

let them do the groundwork

i believe him listen if they tell you that

those peppers are hot

trust me it’s because somebody

ate them you do joey just discovering that he just

started fucking

sheep pussy and he’s like telling you how

great it is just listen cocksucker

forget forget that fucking flashlight

whatever that nonsense is listen to me

sheep there’s a reason why

those fucking farmers in mont

montana and up in butte

those dudes with

leather faces looks like fucking catches

mitt smoking marlboros and fucking sheepdog

all day long that’s what they’re doing

and those guys they know

about new york they go fuck you

i don’t wanna leave

i’m good i’m good i got my reefer i got my sheep i’m

gonna shoot a fucking bear this afternoon

listen cocksucker

sheep pussy it’s

where it’s at

they got it right they living by

streams while we here

like fucking animals in burbank

took me an hour in traffic an hour in traffic

dog to get the fucking la an hour

it ain’t right it ain’t right

that guy’s got it nail

these fucking

sheep smoking joints

from his mouth to god’s ears

i think i would go

crazy and fuck a dolphin

if i had to choose

or just go really

crazy and fuck like a dolphin or

like a bullfrog

let me tell you something

about dolphins

the dolphins

gonna fuck you son

okay no i’m saying

any of these animal

hundred pounds no

i’m saying any

animal corpentine muscle

i’m saying any animal like like you

could have a

tiger if you wanted to

they would like

sedated enough get it you know some roof oh you want a

roofie and date rape a

tiger yeah that’s good you can

date a dolphin

would date rape any animal is what i’m saying

yeah because

dolphin what you

would actually have like a spiritual

connection they’re so smart

enemy slimy

look that dolphin in the eye you’re like

man like you

could actually fall in love with

it does all

these fucking

tricks for you

it sucks your dick

sardines you’re like holy shit a dolphin sucking

in the water

you’re barely feeling the

teeth oh careful mr

dolphin careful

with the teeth you

could fuck him

and he can take you for a ride so imagine

you know with

giving you a gentle dolphin blowjob with

those giant

in scissors with all the

crazy people

on this planet you know there’s been

one fucking dude that worked at

the world to try

to let the dolphin

suck his dick come on there’s gotta

be one or two

i think by the time

two thousand eleven all you have to do is think

about it if you think

about it so we think someone’s ever fucked a dolphin

apps a fucking if you can think about it

it’s been done a thousand times dude a youtube

video of that that’d be amazing well they

would pull it down those pussies

they’d have to put it on a

daily motion

is there a website

for bestiality

that’s illegal

right you have to be hosted in another country

it’s illegal

can fbi come to your

house if you’re watching animals get jacked well

i think federally it’s

illegal but

statewide see the weird thing with

states laws is that’s how that movie zoo got made

in some states it’s still legal to fuck animals

and let animals fuck

you dude can you imagine getting busted by

the fbi for having all this like bestiality porn but um

but like how many guys out there were like

fighting it like this was a joke this made me laugh

i wasn’t into it

all the people

that downloaded it i don’t

think yeah like this i don’t

think you go to jail if you

download it but but you go to jail if you put it online

and like you know have it on a website oh

if you download you don’t go to jail maybe no

because you

can always say man your honor

i thought this was hilarious

my buddies would

watch it all the time i don’t

think i don’t

think as long as

it’s a victimless

crime as long as it looks like it’s a

grown adult

i don’t think that you get in

trouble for that i think damn

you’re not supposed to be in

possession of it but i don’t

think you would actually yeah there’s

gotta be a website

like who you know if you

think you fucked like the craziest

weirdest creature

put it online and have a

judge and have

a contest there’s

gotta be a contest dude

like fucking

every single

breed of dog

or the wildest animal if you can get a polar bear

you know anytime to figure it out anytime

there’s any sort of a controversial

thing like this

the fbi will

infiltrate these fucking groups

dude can you imagine that they want to fuck animals

it’s like well you know it

you know right when the dice

guy’s gonna stick out

there’s a donkey

freeze fbi what

motherfucker you got me this donkey

it’s like an american idol

thing so you

could fuck the craziest animal

what do you

think about

setups like a chihuahua

what do you

think about

setups like that like

dogs wouldn’t even be in the ball punch

that people

would get into

like trying to get bears and shit

know what i mean the oddest ones

trying to get like a


you got a rope around its neck

dude if there was a 5 million dollar

grand american idol prize

see you fucking crazy on video

five million dollars all we

would need is

a couple nuclear meltdowns in this country

lower the price of life

and then for sure that

could be a real show

who can fuck the craziest animal

next on spike after top

196 top season

196 because you know what that

first season is

still the ufc


champion cause now they

have genetic engineering he’s fucking 200 years old

the first year

a koala bear the

first year they

wouldn’t get the

crazy wild animals

have to build

they’d have to

build like by the

third and fourth season

you you know

what i mean they’re getting crazier and crazier

like the craziest

would be like a fucking

killer whale so

realistically there’s not much difference between the

human beings of

today and the

human beings

that we’re having people fight

tigers in the

roman empire

we’re the same fucking people

the only thing

is that we’ve managed to not have a

giant natural disaster between then and now

so we’ve accumulated a

bunch of data on how you shouldn’t act

that’s the only reason why we don’t have people

fighting tigers

in the middle of a fucking

arena today

cause if somebody put it out today

we would there

would be a bunch of people that

would be into it

and if anything ever happened to the people today

there was some fucking

asteroid impact

that killed off half of us

and the people survived it was all fucking

chaos and made

for sure within 100 years

people would be fighting

tigers in an

arena again it

would start

all over again and

when what year did they

get that bad

how did that come

about cause

they had come a

point in time

where they’re like

dude we can’t be

we can’t having

it all died off the empire died off

that was the i mean

i think you know probably

today somewhere

if you got enough

money you can get a dude to

fight a tiger

you know yeah was it the fall of the

roman empire yeah yeah

definitely they didn’t have it they didn’t like

move it to greece or

you know to england

why not i think the

romans were

the ones who were into the coliseum and all the

crazy fights that they

would set up

they must have been the


family ever to take over

you’re the head of the

roman empire

you’re the fucking emperor

of the greatest

like ancient empire

the romans dominated all they

smashed everybody

and you’re the emperor

you’re having fucking orgies

you’re having

people fight lions in

front of you

you know what that

must have been like back then there was no internet no

television and this guy was the king of rome

the emperor of

board is fuck

stand up and he

would fucking give

speeches to the death

and that was the words thousands of men raising

their spears

cheering for you

i bet that had something to do with getting

elected like this

motherfucker he comes with the

crazy shit at

first it was gladiators

fighting each other

then animals

fighting animals then guys

fighting animals like

that’s like a new campaign to get

and i think the

whole royalty

thing probably all

started off because everybody

wants to think

that they’re the man everybody wants to think that

they could be

the guy running shit

if you think you’re around like a regular

dude you’re like this dude isn’t better than me i

could be better than that guy that’s like the

classic male ego problem

but if you get someone

who’s elevated to the

point of royalty

like you can’t even question you can’t get to know them

you are not allowed to get to know them

so you never get to

crack the puzzle

you can’t be sitting

right next to them going this


crazy you’re running shit

why are you running shit

hey everybody

get over here

so this guy we’re calling the king

this guy’s a

crazy asshole

this guy’s banging his daughters

and he’s fucking killing people for a goof and

having his wives

executed he’s

crazy we gotta stop letting him run shit

he’s just a regular person

you know but they

never got a

chance to say he’s just a regular person you can get

close to him

that’s the only way a person can really rule

they have to rule

as if there’s something outside of the human race

they have to rule like a deity they have to

rule like they’re a god they have to rule like they’re

you can’t even come

close to them

you gotta get on your knees sire

thank you for hearing my words

you know you have

to get on your knees and not make eye contact with him

and then when he put his hand out you

would kiss it

what the fuck

it’s like you had to have that trick

to keep an empire together

you couldn’t have access to information

it’s like the

ultimate example of how

those empires

the more access to information the more you

realize that the guy in charge is just fucking crazy

the less likely

it is to be able to have something like that

that’s why all

these fucking

empires are falling

apart all over the

world man that’s what

egypt what’s

going on in

egypt with mubarak

and while in libya

they’re trying to get rid of qaddafi

i mean i’m sure there’s a

bunch of american

black ops involved as well there’s a

bunch of cia shit that

you know forcing

these people out because they’re probably sitting on a

giant pool of oil

you know what i

haven’t listened

to it because

information because they’re getting information

i haven’t listened to the alex

jones version of what’s

going on in

libya i’m sure there’s a

whole different version

i’m very interested and i just

haven’t had time alex i

haven’t heard it either i haven’t

heard it either i can’t when shit is really happening

when real shit is

going down that’s

the last time i want to listen to alex

cause he’ll get you distracted

it’s eugenics

what they’re doing

right now is they’ve got fema

has black plastic

coffins outside of

dallas i’ve seen them

ladies and gentlemen i have the


and there’s

two hundred billion of them

they know there’s not even two hundred billion people

so that’s we’re talking clones now

clones of people life extension

we’ll be right back buy gold

you need to buy gold

ladies and gentlemen

2012 solar impact

gold will protect you

i like that little we will be

right back we’ll be

right back that

was good so that’s what he does we’ll be

right back folks that’s slick he’s

gotta run a show he’s out of his fucking mind alex

jones rules

he’s awesome he’s awesome

but he’s out of his mind

i think alex

jones is dead on the

money like 70

of the time that’s what scares the shit out of me

all the crazy

stuff that he

throws in there

i mean maybe he’s

right i don’t know seems

crazy to me

but the real

stuff that he’s dead on the

money about

it’s almost

cheapened by all the

other the histronics the craziness he knew

that with the

japan thing

he knew about

those explosions like

days before they

would announce them

they were not

admitting shit

he would get shit like somehow

could have been

a lucky call

give it a lucky call

but reactor four

just blew up it’s like damn

i got a one in six chance

oh shit for him

for him oh shit

yeah that’s fun alex you did it well

he’s a fucking news junkie and he has access to shit

i don’t know

why he’s still

alive how come they

haven’t tried to kill him

so powerful man

you know you look you don’t have to kill him for what

he’s not stopping anything

no one stopping anything

and you know what things the

things that get exposed they’re supposed to get exposed

he’s like the perez hilton

of the fucking

the the the political

world that’s what it is

it’s like you know he’s exposing shit that

you know what you fucked up anyway

you shouldn’t have been doing it this way anyway stupid

you know this is wrong

and everybody

is in government it’s not like everybody’s

evil in government

but there’s a lot of fucking

stupid poor choices that get made

and the better they get exposed the better it is for

everybody even the people that are governing the people

they need to be

checked too

it’s not like everybody in government is evil they

have to be evil they don’t necessarily have to be evil

a lot of people

go into government with good intentions but

along the way

they get stifled by corruption and bullshit

so this is all good for everybody

this is good for everybody when shit like this happens

but some of the

stuff that he says

is terrifying

like one thing that got

passed by everybody that you

never hear discussed was during the

world trade organization meetings in seattle

you remember

those imagine

where the people were stopped from protesting

this is what happened there was

peaceful protests

it was a long time ago i

think it was like

i want to say 2001 but i’m

just oh yeah

i just pulled that out of my ass i

think it was actually before that no it was before that

because it was before 9 11 it was

quite a bit

where those

the protesters were

actually cia guys yeah well the protesters were cops

they were paid anarchists

there were people that were sent in

to go in and

cause chaos and

break windows and they all wore

ski masks and they all wore military

issue boots

and they weren’t

nobody knew them they

weren’t involved in the rest of the protest

the protest was

peaceful and inconvenient

because all

these foreign delegates and all

these people were coming

these representatives of foreign

countries were coming to that one place

and to have all this protest around

was embarrassing

and it was disturbing and it was

causing a lot of press

like they were having to

answer a lot of questions about it

so they turned it into

a violent display

they turned it into a violent

process that

being the government

they came in

with guys that were in military outfits

and they would wear ski masks on and they

broke windows and they

smashed and alex

jones documents

every single aspect of it including these guys

going into a safe

house and being

allowed to negotiate and eventually all being released

he documents all this and

he does it with news reports

and he does it with

video footage

and it’s pretty fucking crazy

because what they did is they shut down a protest

they sent some fucking goons in

and they shut down a protest

and this isn’t nazi germany

this isn’t the

roman empire

this is the united

states of america

that’s crazy it’s fucking nuts and it’s 100

it’s not like this is a conspiracy theory

they stopped people from walking through with

things that said wto with a red line on it

how fucking un american is that anything is possible

after that yeah

you’re saying that you can’t go in with a pin

that says world

trade organization

that you’re opposed to it

you can’t have an opinion

that’s not even offensive

that’s not there’s no

swears no curses it’s not something that

would hurt children

you know you just have a wto

with a red line

through it and you’re telling me i can’t go to work

they wouldn’t let people into

buildings they had cops there with guns

they were telling people you have to take that

shirt off you have to take that pin off they have

videos of this in fucking america

they created a no protest zone

so just for the

stuff like that that alex exposes

whether or not he’s right

about a missile hitting the pentagon or any of that

other stuff shit i don’t know man

there’s not enough time in the

world to be

dwelling on all this shit

but he’s right

about enough he’s wrong

about a couple

things but if

you’re gonna

judge a guy

based on like

oh he was wrong

about this so he can’t know anything else

you know then none of us

would have any opinions that mattered

he has fucked up a little bit here and there but

man i believe the shit he tells me i believe

i’m confident

with in the 90 tile

i’m confident

well he’s a fun

guy too i enjoy his company he’s a

great guy i love hanging out with him yeah yeah

it’s pretty surreal hanging out with alex jones

right yeah that’s cool man we took him to

vegas we took him to ufc

we’re all hanging out have a good time

you guys i’m really

happy brought me out here

i need to relax you know

fight a new world

order man it’s fucking

crazy you know you

heard now then you get a little

crazy he’s got

a cigarette

he’s stressing me out i love it i love it

cause all he

he loves talking

about all the it’s like

he could go two ways you

could be a guy like please don’t talk

about conspiracies

like any way

let’s talk about

normal living

but no not alex

jones he’ll go

donald rooseveld was the one who

he’s the one

who got that pass through to diet coke

that’s how it got in yeah okay

i feel bad for

that stuff he

needs to calm down he does

but he does turn

off he does but

he doesn’t that’s him yeah

let him you know you let you

be you let him be him

imagine if they made the

brian redband conspiracy

show you’d be like hey guys i mean

who knows i don’t know you know why are we fucking

freaking out

about this i will be

right back after

these words for the

flashlight not be the

brian red van

conspiracy radio show

he be like i

think we’re all getting a little

carried away here okay we don’t know shit

i don’t know

what’s happening in japan but

guess what that’s way the fuck over there forget it

god everybody

relax that’s you

fema has three hundred thousand


with beds in them

ready to go they can stay in the air for up to

three days okay

solar charged helicopters

in case of an asteroidal impact

it’s recommended that they

he’ll just fill your

brain up every day with more information

about doom and the

apocalypse i love it i love it i have so many questions

he has answers to all my questions the craziest

thing is he’s always selling gold

i think that

motherfucker just needs to step up and

start selling gasoline and bullets

stop fucking around with this gold

cause you know if some shit goes down gold’s

gonna be useless

all right unless the anunnaki

land again we

gotta give them gold to let them

take us aboard the ufo

unless that happens

gold’s gonna be used i

think gold is like

it’s universal no matter what in mad max times gold is

still gonna be really

yeah i think it is no matter what that’s the one

thing we all

agree on in this planet we don’t

agree on shit

every country

even the same religion

it all depends on whether or not by the time the

apocalypse hits we’ve created artificial people

if we created like whores

artificial whores

you know soulless mindless

robot whores that you

could just fuck the shit out of

and they love you

and they’re so

happy and they just shut off

and wait for you to come back

and when you come back they talk to you perfectly

it’s just like

blade runner

except they don’t have a soul

why would they shut up they

should be clean your

house technology

in your house

no no you got one of

those two bro you

gotta you got one you got this dude

crazy looking tongan

woman with face

tattoos she

cleans your

house she’s a

clean house

slash bodyguard but

i wish you can you fuck that

that house robot

no no you better off getting a dude

house robot

with no dick a eunuch

he’s built like he’s

built like like the incredible hulk except

downstairs it’s like ken

i’m never gonna have that

face is all fucked up

he has one eye like one big

cyclops like

there’s no way

there’s still like girls now he’s got

three eyes he’s got

three eyes because you don’t

see everywhere

so he can protect you

imagine when in the

first eight years

to be your protector yeah you know

that’s when

technology ends

cause all the guys

building this shit they’re

gonna have harems dude

think about

it the nerds of the

world they’re

gonna have like

10 chicks around them at all time

they’re gonna be

going on date after date

after date from

monkeys for

monkeys who what

monkey would ever think

about having a pet dog

they’d be like what the fuck are you talking

about you can’t

trust a dog

they’re gonna kill you man

you can’t have a fucking pet dog

how are you

gonna be able to control a dog

well when humans evolve to a certain

point we’ll be able to have pet

things that we’ve created like pet monsters

like pet giant

your house will be

guarded by like

superheroes like juggernaut will

guard your house

like you’ll have your

own genetically engineered man that’s way better than a

robot fuck yeah he

never sleeps a

robot will jump

over a building

he fucking leaps over

buildings and plans on shit

try to break into my

house bitch i had

superheroes garden this

you crackhead

crackhead with a

screwdriver you

gonna get past the

superhero yeah

yeah what the what

i am so fascinated by what the fuck ever is

gonna happen

when things keep going

you know i watch all

those ray kurtz wheel

lectures and

you know i’ve

read some of his

papers and some of his articles

about the singularity

and the idea of artificial intelligence and

it’s all gonna happen

we’re not gonna stop i mean we’ve created

so much between now

and just a couple

hundred years ago the difference between our life now

and like i was

watching the unforgiven the

other day on a plane

still badass bro

still badass from like

1990 whatever the fuck it was

that movie is awesome the clint eastwood is the shit

especially in that

movie that’s the best western movie ever

but i looked at the way

these fucking people were living and i’m like

my god that’s less than 200 years ago

less than 200 years ago

and they’re riding

horses and getting rained on and shit

and they’re

going into these

places and the

houses are made of wood and they’re leaking like

crazy because of the rain

they didn’t even know how to make roofs

right back then

that’s just

that’s just

you know that’s

probably also just like dramatic

scenes in a

movie don’t you

think back then

if you had a leaky roof like you’d be on that

thing not the shower

and not jean hackman

the sheriff

you know what the fuck there’s nothing else to do

there’s no fucking internet

fucking bothers like oh i have a leaky room

movie geeks

right now like that

was part of the character development of gene hackman

who’s supposed to be incompetent but yet cocky

and that was the

whole reason why it was so satisfying

the kleenes

would killed him in the end okay dude

i know i know we’re just having fun here you fucks

you wouldn’t

wouldn’t you think that

like mcdonnell douglas or like

one of those

come by hughes aircraft or someone be like involved in

the number one product on the planet

would be like a real person

that you could find

that you could

control yeah

you control

that would be the ultimate a

robot that looked

the best robot

would look exactly

human could you imagine if you had just

you had a robot

woman in your house

and you come home and your wife like lit it on fire or

she was fucking it oh yeah she’s having a eater asshole

see you come with a what is fucking

robot’s breath stinks

your wife’s just we

gotta change it

smells like circuits

shitting in that

thing’s mouth

while you’re at work

you come on she’s coughing and your

robot’s coughing

and choking and she got shit caked in her mouth

like what the fuck have you been doing i shit in her

mouth can you imagine the first

gay robot you

have that fucking

robot whore in my house

i’m gonna shit in her

mouth every day

you wouldn’t even feel bad

cause it’s not a real person

you know if you were shitting in like your slaves

mouth you’d be like well that’s kind of rude but yeah

do that get


robots oh shit you know what i read the

other day that’s

i need to verify this of course because

every time i

don’t verify something that i read people go incorrect

disinformation i get so many

angry tweets

relax everybody

relax but this is what i read

that more people are in the sex

slaves today

than were slaves

back when slavery was legal

how crazy is that

the second one

is number that’s more people are sex

we should we

could choose to that’s one of

those numbers

too is like how the fuck do they know

yeah right you know i mean sex

slaves live

in basements and they can only come out when

they’re hungry for cock

you know it’s like

who counts that guy

are they just

guesstimating that

every block well

i think they

do it the same way

they do it the same way they do about

mexicans all

right just take a wild guess yeah

they don’t know because

you know they don’t have any idea

they have no idea how many mexicans there are there’s

sneaking in here left and right

my gardener i shouldn’t say this i can’t i can’t rat

them out no

i got a cool house gardener

and he knows a bunch of illegals he’s legal himself

but he knows a bunch of illegals

he’s got some great stories

about dudes going back or forth

it took him a few tries

when he came back

i don’t know

they don’t know man

this dude’s going back and forth is fucking

three guys in arizona with

white pickup trucks trying to guard

a million miles offense

good luck boys

you’re on your own good luck

you know how many fucking mexicans get through there

it’s crazy a lot of them do

grandfather came to this country

illegally he snuck over the border

how about came to alaska’s dad’s

story he walked

all the way to sacramento twice

that’s craziness

yeah i was picking grapes i think

it was actually

oxnard or something like that

that’s a long motherfucking watch his

hips are all

fucked up yeah he’s apparently all fucked up

yeah i think maybe he took rides everywhere

they had some one show where they

watched his family

sneak across the border they followed him

from sneaking

across the border to trying to

get someone to take them in in phoenix

they were trying to get someone to let them

sleep in the garage

for the night because they had just snuck in and

people were

like man you can’t be here you can’t be here

and they were talking spanish to him it was really

crazy it was like

these mexicans that had

snuck through

did not want

these guys that hadn’t

to be staying in the garage

they just wanted a

place to sleep for the night

before they made it to town

they were literally like going into

knocking on people’s doors can you help us they

didn’t have anything they had no food they had no money

like wow you talk

about taking chances

you know it’s

really moving man like this couple this man is

woman they’re holding hands and they’re trying to

get across to america and try to get jobs and they’re

you know talking to him in spanish

about you know what they’re

looking forward to when they go into america and

you know they’re trying to make some

money and they’re

gonna send money back home

it’s like whoa this is like

why can’t they just come over

what the fuck is that

you know why can’t they just come over here

you know can’t we just like have like a

screening process to see who’s nice

and if they’re nice let them over here

yeah was that

ridiculous perfect

road would have be no borders every

place was the

exact same it just seems i mean people get

crazy like listen bro

that’s chaos there’s a reason why this border is

the reason why

this border patrol they’re there to protect

you you can’t have no rules you fucking hit beats the

old fucking

yeah but if everybody was nice

wouldn’t it be possible to have no borders

right yeah what the fuck is keeping it

you know that’s the real

issue at hand it’s not more borders

it’s like how do you make everybody nice how

do you smooth it all out

that’s the real

issue it’s not borders there’s

gotta be a map that you can get before you make

the trip like a map of all the home

depots and all the

strawberry fields you just

gotta go to

move forward so you’re actually talking into the

microphone that’s why he had to turn it up

there’s got to be a map of what pump up the ball

that would be valuable a map with all the home

depots and all the

strawberry fields in

southern california

yeah right like one of

those maps of the stars

like cause you’re

gonna get a job for sure

you show up to a

strawberry field

they’re gonna give you like

20 bucks or something you’re for sure

gonna get work there that’s

the bottom of the barrel how

crazy are those maps

those stars

those are so disgusting man when

you see some dude sitting there with

a pile of names hey this is

where this guy lives go fuck with him

this is where that guy lives go stare at him while he’s

sleeping have you ever done one of

those no no that’s so

crazy yeah so creepy

it’s like what are

these guys thinking that they’re like you know

handing out like free

stalker guides

like this is the easy way to find

where someone

lives how easy is it to just make shit up

yeah fucking

neil diamond lives in that fucking

house and fucking

brad pitt yeah he lives up

there with angelina they’re fucking

crazy oh they’re fucking

right now they’re

crazy they steal each

other’s blood

you come out they’ll come

out just wait for them they love their fans

like how would you know it’s like

yeah how would you know it’s

like there are certain

there’s certain types of people that would

you know they’re catering to

the same people that

would buy that

fake weed that you see in like high times

that was always the most

disappointing shit ever

about high times

they would always

be down for legalization as down

meanwhile you’re

selling fake weed you’re ripping people off man

those are the

sponsors yeah but so what

your sponsors are crook

you don’t have a problem with your

sponsor only praying on retards

i mean that’s what the

sponsor did

if you bought that

stuff you had

to be like a 10 year old boy or a retarded person

there should be something

wrong with you

dude said that

that’s how high times

survives is with our

money because it’s like

every other page there’s like i refuse to

admit i refuse to believe that in a nation

of 300 million and who knows how many pot smokers

is there 30 million of us

let’s say 30

million pot smokers in this country i refuse to believe

that you couldn’t produce a quality

magazine that was interesting

and that had to do with people who

smoke pot who

engage in different

activities and show how much marijuana enhances

their life instead of the same old

stupid shit that they have in

those magazines every week

every week there’s a girl in bikinis she’s got

a bud in her hand whoa look at the bud it’s crazy and

look at the

picture in the middle

amazing leave a

picture of the bud

you’re not saying

anything different it’s all the same goddamn shit

and magazine industry so dead now that’s

the reason why they have to sell this fucking fake weed

shit that fake weed shit is insulting

you that is like

you know you’re

allowing someone to

steal from your fans

you’re allowing someone

that’s like if i had this

thing and if the

flashlight wasn’t our

sponsor and i decided to

get some other

like big dick pills

you know a big dick

what a hypocrite

what a creepy person i would be

if i was allowing

these people to get ripped off by something you know

allowing i was

promoting something

that’s what they’re doing man

they’ve got pages of this shit

these fake fucking buds

have you ever tried that

no i haven’t

tried it i’ve

heard it actually works get

the fuck out of here that shit

doesn’t work i actually

heard it works no the

stuff that k two

stuff that they made illegal that

stuff works

but that shit they’ve been selling in high times

you know that’s the shit they

smoke in movies man

that’s the shit that mitch hedberg smoked with

peter frampton remember that joke

mm hmm you remember that joke when chadberg did

he goes how does

mcedberg do it he goes

i once smoked fake pot in a movie

with peter frampton

he goes that’s way better

than smoking a real pot

with a dude who looks like peter pan

i’ve done that way more times

that’s hilarious

fucking mitch

he was awesome man he was amazing

that’s a guy that man when he died i went shit

like that that really was like god damn it

we lost a good one do you know what’s so fucking weird

about you saying that

whole entire

story because the person

that told me last that that shit worked and she was

his ex oh well

then then well

maybe she was talking

about that k2

stuff that stuffs are

legit how weird that she’s talking that’s how

weird is that just recently

yeah it was like a

month ago guarantee you she’s talking

about the the

synthetic marijuana

which does work

that stuff they’re making it illegal

everywhere because it does work they’ve just

modified it

somehow or another so that it’s not technically

the same thing as marijuana it just

becomes you know

they can do that that’s what

they also did with

those bath salts

things remember we thought it was bath salts

but it really was is they were selling it

as bath so they

could sell it in it

but it really was just amphetamines you know

they can change the chemical components of

something and make it something that’s not classified

like you know like oh

well here’s this new

thing what is this this isn’t even illegal

so that’s why

they have also

some laws in certain

places where

things become illegal if they’re related

to other things being illegal

so that’s why five meo dmt was

never classified as a

schedule one but it’s the most potent

form of dmt

and you used to be able to buy it online man

you used to

be able to go to american chemical company all

these different

places and just buy dmt online

but then because it’s

related to an end dmt

which is illegal

they made it

illegal and they stopped people from selling it online

and they made them very

aware that there were consequences

even though it’s not technically an illegal substance

so what would

happen if you got arrested in for it i don’t know it’s

tricky you’d be able to

fight it probably

see the real

thing with all these

schedule one substances is the last

thing they want is scrutiny

they don’t want anybody looking

at them they don’t want to make a new one illegal

because then people

start looking at

what makes it illegal

and what is

legal and then the argument

comes up well how can that be illegal when this is

legal and that’s illegal

and this is sold at

every pharmaceutical

company all across the

country it’s been shown to be incredibly addictive and

this destroys your

liver but doctors prescribe it like

candy you know

they would open up the doors of scrutiny so what they

would rather do

is threaten people

close all these companies down that are

selling all this shit and not change any of the laws

just go hey shut the fuck up sit the fuck down

this is the government here

and that’s what they do

because they don’t

want everybody looking at it because if you look at it

at a certain

point in time when you’re a

grown man i am a

43 year old

grown man okay

and if another

grown man my

age or god forbid even younger

is telling me what i can and can’t do with my body

that doesn’t hurt anybody

and they don’t even have research to back it up

it’s not like

i saw that movie

limitless the other day

pretty fucking interesting

movie is that the one

where he opens up his mind yes he uses

it’s a bradley cooper movie

pretty interesting

i didn’t enjoy the end

spoiler alert

is it hug your ears

effects the

idea pretty

sweet though i thought yes

the end was wack

the end was like oh he’s awesome

all the time now

sorry the end i win you lose

it was so stupid what

about sucker

punch hold on

hold on a second

but the thing

about that is that there were massive consequences

like he would like lose time

it became got people were

dying from it

it wasn’t just as simple as you take this thing

it accelerates you and then you just

live like an awesome person for the rest of your life

there’s consequences now if you can’t

prove consequences then

you have zero

argument and that’s the real argument the real problem

with psychedelic drugs being illegal

you have all

these people saying that they’ve helped them all

these people that are

going and taking that

ibegain like

ed clay our friend

ed clay who

changed his life who

changed who he is

and became this really fucking

warm open person

after going on

these ibogaine

retreats and that’s illegal

why is it illegal there’s no

study showing it harms you

there’s only studies

showing that people have benefited from it

and so many people talk

about it glowingly

and yet you have

other grown adults

telling you

what you can and can’t experience

then they’re the same

age as you that’s

ridiculous that’s nonsense

there’s a lack of reality

and a lack of openness

when it comes to discussing

these things

these things are

never discussed

in politics

these are huge issues

the issues of

being able to control your consciousness is a

giant issue

and the fact that that’s not discussed ever during

presidential campaigns

show us how infantile we are

at the very least

occasionally it gets breached

mr obama did you ever

smoke marijuana

and if so did you inhale

yes i did i thought that was the

point that’s it

that’s the in

depth version

of the discussion on marijuana

obama admits to

smoking marijuana and inhaling

says that was the

point amazing oh

and everybody

it’s like we’re little children it’s like as a nation

in our entirety

we have the attitude

about drugs

about marijuana

about psychedelics

that an 11 year old has

that’s how we

treat it like

what are you doing with that

what are you doing with that bad

boy yeah we’re

little fucking children

it’s one of the biggest issues i

think as far as consciousness goes

that is in the

world one of the number one issues

the ability to control your consciousness

the ability to seek personal

evolution through

psychedelic experience

these are huge issues

these are issues that

radically transformed you

radically transformed me

radically transformed you you we’ve all been


by psychedelic

experience a guy named

kelly mullis

who won a nobel

peace prize or

i guess it is a nobel

peace prize for

work in dna

discovery no science nobel science yeah he was the guy

founded on lsd right

yes yeah yes exactly he did it

while he was fucked up

on what yeah

i don’t remember what the the the finding was

but that guy actually is a bad example

because something

about the intern

crazy when he got

older really yeah became like real belligerent getting

crazy arguments with people and became a nut case

yeah there’s

a lot of weird

stuff about him

another interesting one is francis crick

francis crick

apparently this is all

hearsay because

the article says very explicitly that francis crick

told this man that if he

printed a word of this he

would sue and they

printed it obviously

after crick

died but crick

the guy who

he said that

he came up with the idea of the double helix for dna

while he was on acid

but again this is a guy who says that crick

said that the problem is with

anything like that is that people are full of shit

why would they lie i don’t know but they could have

and they do a lot you know people fucking lie like

crazy man we were talking

about that game show in my head episode that i did

i told you about this shit when we had people

talk about ufos on

video we had a

pretend news camera to tell you

about this the stunt

this is what

we did the game show in my head was a fun ass show

and what was interesting

about it was there was a contestant and i had

a microphone

and i would talk in

their ear with a little earpiece

and i would tell them

here’s your

stunt this is what you

gotta do they didn’t know what was

gonna happen they didn’t know

where they were

we had them in a van

and then we

would open the door and say walk to that mark on the

floor and then joe will be talking to you in your ear

they would walk to that mark

i go all right dude you

ready to do this he goes yeah here’s what we got

you are a news reporter

okay there was just a ufo

sighting right here in hollywood

it was huge a

giant flying

saucer was here

and it took off

now you lost your witness

the witness was

gonna go on camera

and he was gonna tell everybody

about this ufo experience

and now you’re

gonna look really

stupid because

you’ve got the camera here and there’s no witness

so you’re gonna try to ask one of

these people to pretend it was them

and that was

their stunt

and every person they got to do it

i think if they got

three people to do it

they won 5 000 bucks

awesome dude

people did it instantly

they did it instantly

they started goes

hey i wonder

if you could do me a

favor there was ufo here

earlier apparently

some people saw it and it was witnesses but i

i guess they chickened

out with the

cameras here like i don’t know what to do i mean

do you think you

could pretend that it was you yeah man

yeah but you

could be on a tv

right now yeah yeah yeah okay

people would just

start talking what happened

oh man it was a

black bright light and

then the ufo came and

they just started talking

it was incredible

we were all sitting in the

truck what was happening we were shaking our heads

going wow how full of shit are people

people would just

start talking about shit

that was my

point i mean it’s like i don’t know

if francis crick

story about dna was true yeah it was a lot of fun man

you were talking

earlier about

ed clay yeah

the way that

changed his life

ed clay was

a very successful


who got you’re

smart guy great guy who got very driven

you know he did jujutsu he

had he has an

mma academy

he was always hurt so

like a lot of

mma athletes

he got addicted to pills

he got it was really bad it really was was a

fucking up his life in a big way

he heard about eyeball

gain and eyeball gain is like the african version

of dmt in a nutshell

it’s and what

i will gain does

ayahuasca apparently

cures alcoholism

and ibogaine cures

in a high percentage rate

ibogaine cures addiction a certain pills

and ed clay heard

about it he went it’s illegal in the united

states he went to mexico

there’s this ibogaine retreat in mexico in the city

that they’re all

trippers and they’ve all done iboga

and they’ve done a

hiawatha all of them

and it’s just like a city

where there’s

music always said there was music

twenty four

hours you land in mexico city

you drive four

hours you’re in this village everyone’s playing

music there’s artists

everywhere there’s

music constants

twenty four

seven you hear

people like singing and dancing and there’s

music and and

he went to this

place he did

the eyeball

gang treatment

which takes

takes you on a trip

it’s like ayahuasca that last

like two days

or something like that last for a long time and it’s

it’s you know

you get to see yourself and you get to see the

world for what it is

and what it does is

somehow it does something to your

brain receptors or something

it’s a realization of who you really are and it

resets your

receptors in some

weird way i don’t know the details but it

changed his life he came back to the states

so it said his

receptors as far as addictions

yes yes so it’s not just

psychological healing it’s actually a physical healing

yes exactly wow

that’s incredible he changes i mean

how many people does i work on do you know he’s

dedicated it’s a high percent

it’s like 80

he dedicated his life

to i will gain

and all the

money that he’s had from

other businesses he sold one of his businesses a big

mma company he sold it

and he’s dedicating his

whole life to

saving as many people from

addiction to pills as possible yeah

it’s amazing that we have this

issue in this country

where that thing

which is so helpful

is illegal and

these things that are so

damaging and so

scary are legal

and they lied

about how addictive they are when they got them through

when they made

fucking oxycontins

legal there’s a

bunch of documents that show that they

weren’t being honest about the

possibility of addiction that

stuff’s heroin man

that stuff gets so many my friend

i don’t wanna say his name

cause i don’t

wanna be the public

about it but someone someone i know

very recently died of it he had a pill problem

you know and

it’s it’s scary shit man

you know i i’ve

known people that

immediately became

pill zombies

i’ve known i’ve

known two people very well

that became pill zombies

while i knew them

and some scary shit man

scary that the government

doesn’t stop

that if you’re out there and you have a pill problem

or you know somebody that has a pill problem

look into ibo game ibo

g a i n e i

think ibo game

ed clay if you look him up

um he’s he’ll he’s doing

everything he can to to help as many people as possible

you know it’s really

funny that i will gain was the drug that got hunter

s thompson and in

trouble when he was a

journalist when he was

covering the

hunter s thompson was such a fucking

genius writer and such an interesting guy

and what he did was he was

covering the elections

like 1970 something whatever the fuck it was

and he just decided to

start making shit up

so he started making shit up

about these

candidates and one of the

things that he said was that

ed musky brought in a brazilian doctor

and because he’s addicted to ibogaine

and he shows like all the symptoms

of ibogaine addiction and he put this shit and this is

printed in the rolling stone

so everybody thought this was real

everybody thought

so they started asking him

about it and the guy slowly

started breaking down

the guy started going

crazy publicly

like the pressure got to him

and he would give

these public

speeches and everybody

would be accusing him of being on some crazy drug

and so hunters thompson

like literally

drove this guy insane by writing that he was on drugs

the guy there’s

video of the guy

in the movie gonzo you see

this video the guy

breaking down at a campaign speech

just loses his mind it was ibogaine

that’s what

thompson had said that

he was addicted to and then another guy was addicted to

so he made up a name of

speed called wallet

some exotic

brand of speed

imagine that you’re

fucking running for president back in the seventies

and that shit happens

you know you get this

crazy asshole

just making shit up

about you and

there was no internet there was no nothing

you couldn’t you couldn’t go on tv and talk about it

and it was really

funny man it’s fucking

interesting shit he goes why didn’t i goes there was

there was a rumor

going around milwaukee

that he was addicted to ibegain

and i was one

started to rumor

he’s like all i said was there was a rumor

he goes i was actually pretty factual

in my i described it

it’s very funny man did you see a sucker

punch at all not yet

i heard it’s awesome though

no it looks pretty

badass so bad look you know it’s

great did you see it did you see it no i

haven’t seen it but i only saw i guess the

the teaser preview

yeah in the

past i just saw like the real preview holy shit i

never saw the

whole preview

did you go to see that

movie and you’re not

stoned you should go to jail

why is that

movie not in 3d though

that’s why i’m pissed it’s not i don’t

think it’s in 3d

really yeah it’s

an imax but it’s not an imax 3d you know what man i

gotta be honest

the movie has to be

super special for me to be into it in 3d

i’m annoyed wearing

those stupid

glasses those

things bother me

really yeah

i like the visuals i like the

glasses i don’t care

glasses bug the shit out of me

i don’t know but

you know i shouldn’t say that because it

doesn’t bug me in every

movie because in avatar it was so

spectacular that it didn’t bug me

i saw battle la and that was the biggest

picture how was that

movie oh my god

it looked like

it looked like to me

it was you know from the

point of view of a

bunch of marines

fighting getting called to

fight these

aliens that landed on in la and they’re

fighting them through la

it looks like a video game

like infomercial kind

it looked like a

trick it’s like

the plot was so bad it was so bad

it was so bad the gears of war

would have a way better plot oh man the way they got

the way they won and they beat the aliens

oh don’t even tell me i don’t

even know it’s just what we were talking

about earlier with the mma

movie the fast and furious

the same thing

there’s a bunch of people making dumbass movies

here’s the reason

why man this is what you don’t realize or

i don’t realize sometimes either

i like to go on mma

tv or mix martial arts com

i like to go on there because it’s a fun

place to talk

about jiu jitsu and fighting

and talk about

mma and ufc shit

but it’s also fun to see how fucking dumb some of

those people are

one guy put

a big post about movies or

when the expendables came out

they were going off dudes were

going off talking

about how great the

expendables was

mixed martial arts com oh okay

okay they were

going off about how

great the expendables

were i thought this has to be ironic

like this has

to be irony like they couldn’t have actually

enjoyed this

look i like a good fucking blow em up

movie more than anybody but that was one of the

worst movies of all time

and it was unbelievably bad

and as i’m watching them like

holy fuck is this bad

but then i go online and you read people talking

about it and they’re like

it’s just a fucking amazing

movie i’m going to see it

again this weekend with my cousin

and i’m like are they 15 or

is that what it is yes

you gotta remember about

age groups like i keep on forgetting

about this but half

these people on twitter that

that have the bad language

skills and stuff like that

they’re probably 12

cause if i was 12 i’d be talking

shit non stop all day long yeah very likely but anyway

what was my point

but the guy in the message word

battle la exactly and they were talking just

about battle la the

other day about how fucking awesome it was

five stars amazing movie

and then it would like

four or five dudes would say that i’d be like

i’d be like squeezing my head together and go really

really and then one guy would come on and go

you guys are all retarded that

movie sucked a million cocks you listen

yeah and i’ll go that guy’s faster

right now but that’s also probably the guy that talks

about shit about your music and

about my comedy

you know the guys who are negative man

they’re not always right

negative all the time

but when it comes to movies man

it’s very difficult to find like a good

group that you agree with

they were the dumbest

aliens ever

once they got on the ground and they got like these

these tall ass

robot aliens like terminator

they were like dumb

like you got

you went across the fucking galaxy

and these guys are hiding behind a bus

twenty yards away from you

and there’s a

scene that last five minutes and they’re behind the bus

and all around on these

aliens are fucking everybody up with

these soldiers have like

this little girl

and the fucking cat

and they’re like i’m like

how long is this

scene the aliens are

still trying to walk they were

totally retarded you

know what looks really bad is that new arthur remake

oh seen that preview of that

it’s just like the

exact one why

would you remake that in two

it’s just like they’re just adding like oh

xbox live instead of dude

he’s funny though i like him man i

like him i like that did you like get him to the greek

i did like that

movie dude i

did like that

movie it’s a

movie called the man from earth

this is one of the dumbest

movies that people have been recommended to me lately

there’s a movie called the man from earth

about a guy who was a fucking caveman

who survived

until today

and he was jesus

and it’s like a play like they’re over this guy’s

house he’s leaving he has to

leave cause he

doesn’t age

and he doesn’t want them all to get

suspicious so

every ten years he has to up and leave

it is so bad

it’s so stupid and the acting is so dumb

but yet all

these fucking people like dude you

gotta watch this it’s amazing

so fascinating so intriguing

you know and

like mike how

could you be intrigued by this dumbass

movie about a caveman who was

jesus who’s

still alive

today really

really oh that’s

why he came back from the dead because he’s like

super you can’t die he’s like


battlex had me for like 35 minutes the beginning

the beginning of battle la

it was good i was like fuck man

okay they’re doing a good job

20 minutes into it i’m like

okay would they

haven’t show the aliens yet

the once they

started fighting with the

aliens they couldn’t figure that one out

like to make it realistic

you really think there’d be a battle there’s like these

these marines that survive

and they’re finally pulling them out of the city la

because they’re

gonna nuke it

they’re gonna nuke it

we got out in time they’re

gonna do nuke it

they go drop us off

one dude drops off he goes i’m

going back oh

no back and then another

michelle rodriguez

comes down she goes

i’ma go with you she wants some dick

they’re dropping

off back in la

and they went

four of them

four of them i

wanna hear about that

you know what

i wanna hear

about this you know what sucks though is

that battle la on rotten tomatoes got like a 34 percent

ron today’s is pretty

accurate sucker punch

twenty one percent

okay fuck you i’m not

going then i’ll trust them

that’s the beautiful thing

about the internet man back in the used to

have to listen to

roger ebert

roger ebert didn’t like gladiator

he didn’t like the unforget

who is like a bunch of

movies that he didn’t like that were fucking awesome

gladiator how the

fuck do you not like gladiator

yeah i would like to see his top 10

dislikes that you know that

ended up getting

oscars or something yeah

he got in a little hissy fit with

fucking charlie sheen online on twitter

was interesting recently

yeah we were talking

about it in one of the

post fight video blog or the post podcast

video blogs

it was like

he wrote something

about charlie sheen

i could do what he’s doing but then my wife

would leave me

and then charlie

you know and then i

would be lonely and depressed just like him and he

and charlie

writes back to roger

david you’ve ever had five girls at the same time

you know someone on

those lines

that ain’t lonely

stupid you know

and i’m like i can’t believe

roger ebert is going

after charlie sheen

like roger ebert’s like almost dead

he lost his jaw to cancer

he can’t talk he can’t eat he has to eat through a tube

and yet he’s shitting

on charlie sheen for getting hookers and whores

really value of the dolls

what is that he’s that’s a

movie that wrote

that movie he wrote

and it’s all

about dolls

or like corn

chicks isn’t it

is it who wrote it

roger ebert

maybe he lives this

whole different life we don’t know and he’s just some

crazy old per

yeah he said

he said it sucked

i saw that the due date

movie that have you seen that yet

tv i like to see

brody stevens at the beginning of it

yeah yeah i’ll watch

that golf gnocous

in anything about

i watch that guy in anything

he’s talented

he’s so talented

they don’t even make him shave the beard

yeah every movie

no that’s his look man i know they won’t

it helps though

because he’s so good

he’s so good if he was a regular dude

we’re gonna need you to shave it for this character

it makes him look like he’s that strange guy i mean

that helps you hear

about brodie stevens also hbos

picked him up for a new tv show what is it

zach alphonakis is

going to pretty much make a show

about brodie

like a documentary type

thing oh that’s brilliant

that’s amazing yeah it’s

brilliant fucking brodie stevens blowing the fuck up

good for him well

brody is always just needed someone to sort of like

direct people to what he does you know

he’s amazing you know he’s one

of the funniest guys i know he’s so interesting man yes

he’s such a fucking unusual dude

he could talk

about anything

okay and for whatever reason he’s fascinating

you know will ferrell

just got the role of the office too i mean

is that let’s i

think that’s only for like

three episodes

oh is it yeah

i’m pretty sure

that guy’s too fucking busy bro i was

gonna say that’s awesome if he’s doing that

yeah okay i mean stupid

what what

why’d you even bring that up

welfare on the office because that’s pretty crazy that

that’s big that’s huge is it

will ferrell i don’t watch

those sitcoms i fucking love welfare

old man i never watch sitcoms

i mean i get around the office i get around to

south park every now and then if i’m gonna

watch something that’s funny

but i don’t you

spend too much time

watching oprah i need to you know no

dude it helps me bro

it helps me

it helps me understand those people

that’s why i listen to

conservative talk radio too

i mean i listen to conservative talk

radio because

i don’t know anybody like that i want to know how

those fucking people think

and when i have

those you know

what the libs don’t know okay i’ll tell you

right now here’s what the libs don’t know

obama doesn’t like you either okay

obama’s one of

those elitist

and i like listening to that shit because

this fucking guy believe this he’s selling this

i was listening

to glenn beck this morning i stopped in my

driveway for five minutes

just sitting there

shaking my head listening to glenn beck this morning

just like this is

crazy asshole that

thinks that

the reason why the fucking

tsunami and

earthquake happened

is because we’re not following the ten commandments

that crazy asshole actually suggested that

you know so

i listen to everybody so oprah’s on the list too man i

gotta i gotta listen

i gotta find out what she’s up to


you got too hot no

i just don’t even that’s like seems like a

bunch of serious

stuff to watch i guess i don’t

well i mean i like if i’m

gonna watch anything serious it’s gonna be like

talking cops or murder

stuff so i can you know at least

get learn a

skill trade if i’m

gonna murder

somebody how i can get away with it intervention

is always the best

you ever feeling down

about yourself intervention

you ever wanna

know that you’re

gonna be okay

watch intervention what celebrity rehab

no intervention

is that one of

those things

where people

are falling

apart and then people have to go and rescue them

people are doing

crack and heroin i love that

that’s the best part of celebrity rehab that’s

my favorite show my favorite part of celebrity rehab is

fucking what’s his name eric roberts

yeah he’s the best

yeah that guy was

on on celebrity

rehab for weed

yeah it was hilarious he

never had a problem

people were falling

apart all around him

he’s in the back reading it like on the side

reading a newspaper with his

glasses eating a sandwich

he never had a

story i mean he did have like a rough

childhood that’s the

problem with that show and he

cried once he cried once

but like a dr drew talks so much shit on weed that

did when eric

roberts came

to him he’s a celebrity he needs a celebrity man

not very many celebrities will go on that show

they go we got eric

roberts goes what’s it here for for weed

what are you

going to tell him

i mean he tells every

doctor who tells everybody that weed’s bad for you

so he’s gotta admit him

when really he has no problem

that was the craziest part

he has problems he had nothing to do with the weedling

yeah it didn’t

well he was

using weed as an escape from his life

and it just happened to be weed it

could have been cough

syrup no he

could have found some

other shit to escape

from yeah yeah i

guess but i

think it was just

i think it was

a way to blow up eric

roberts and he

doesn’t look bad i mean what an easy way to

rejuvenate the career celebrity rehab is fucking cute

you know what

he didn’t he didn’t

look bad at all in

the very first day when i analyzed them

he said doc

i smoke from a

vaporizer they show him

it’s healthier he’s talking about a

vaporizer i was healthier

and he doesn’t

smoke that much at all

and he said

when i smoke

everybody loves me i’m in a great mood

you know i flow

but when i don’t

smoke i get

in a cranky mood and i’m pissed off

that’s what he said the problem was that dr drew

goes hmm we

gotta work on that

he showed him that he smoked it out of the

vaporizer so i think that

eric roberts would go this is a perfect way

well no for dr drewman there’s no solution

other than sobriety you know

i retweeted something

i think i forget someone tweeted something

about pot and i retweeted it

going suck on that dr drew

you know like to him

i’m thinking that

i’ve been friends with that guy for years when are we

gonna get him on the

yes he got mad

at me whoa i’ve been friends with him for years

he’s like hey joe i’m

sorry i’m killing your high what the hell man whoa yeah

you know whoa yeah you know attacking me

or something like that i go whoa dude i’m just a joke

i thought you knew my sense of

humor you know i love you

and he writes back i love you too so it was cool

made it all wind up cool but he thought

that i was like really like fuck you dr drew suck it

some guys you can’t joke around like that you can’t

like you could text me something and say suck on that

bitch and i

would be like ah

i would laugh if you

could do it too

with dr drew

apparently you can’t text dr drew

and say suck on it

bitch you texted him or

emailed him

twitter did you think you

never did oh shit on twitter

i twittered it so then everyone saw

yeah but come on man it’s

funny hey so so um

the fuck do you

think he would ever

do the show

no but i’m gonna do love line

i’m gonna do love line

maybe he was kidding

maybe he was

kidding mike is on

dancing with the stars

right now what exactly did he say

again maybe he

no no no he wasn’t kidding

he got a little

upset he thought i was actually upset

when i was saying

stuck on that he was like i’m

sorry i’m killing your high with the helmet

it seemed like

he was hurt like his feelings were hurt like i

attacked him okay this is the only

discussion that

he and i have ever disagreed on

i think that he’s

absolutely right

about how much

abuse goes on and

he can nail it when he’s talking to people

about what’s

wrong with them

what i think is

he discounts

that there are

very healthy people that can benefit from marijuana

and that’s the difference

people that aren’t sick

that don’t have

addiction problems that don’t have substance problems

they can benefit

greatly for marijuana

and the problem is he’s dealing with a completely

tainted pool

everyone that he’s dealing with is fucked up

he has very

few people that he’s dealing with that aren’t

he’s an addiction specialist

he’s by the time they get to him

their life is

in the goddamn toilet they’re fucking falling apart

he’s not necessarily

sitting down with people that can say hey dr drew

listen man marijuana has made me a

better person i’m a different person because of it okay

so what do you

think it is he’ll be

you could be a

different person anyway it’s either one of two

things either

he actually

doesn’t know

that weed is good for you

or he knows but

because he’s a doctor he

doesn’t want to hurt his

reputation no

look he’ll tell

you it’s better for you than alcohol for sure i mean

but does he know the

truth medically he’s very honest

about it he

doesn’t know that he

doesn’t know he believes that it’s bad for you and

he believes that

it’s addictive whether it’s physically

addictive or


it’s really no

you know when people say there’s no

marijuana is not addictive

everything you

fucking do can be addictive if your mind is broken

if your mind gets wacky

i’ve seen people

you know anybody that’s a gambling addict

you ever met people like that

i know a few people personally yeah it’s a nutty

thing right they can’t help it man

whatever it is you can call it


addiction whatever it is they are connected to gambling

they can’t stop gambling they do it all the time i know

a bunch of people from the pool world

my days of playing pool

i met so many people that were gambling

addicts that’s an addict addiction to man

marijuana can be addictive absolutely

anything can be addictive if your mind is broken

but that doesn’t mean that people like us whose

brains aren’t broken shouldn’t be allowed to use it

that’s where it gets

annoying and

when anything

to benefit you and

when you tell

him that it does

there should be some sort of a test

and we tell him that it does

that’s the only

thing that ever annoys me

about dr drew is that he’s

not willing to sort of take that into consideration

he’s pretty

rigid on his

stance when it comes to

psychedelic drugs

into it that’s the only part that i can’t

stand is he

doesn’t know the

truth about marijuana

i thought maybe he does know

but he’s just trying to save his job and he can’t talk

about it because technically it’s

still illegal so i can’t promote it

i thought it was that like he did know the

truth but either way that

would still be

something that i

wouldn’t be

happy with i’m like

do the research

get on the internet

dr drew you’re a doctor come on look into it it’s gonna

you’ll actually benefit from it you yourself

you will benefit

from it most certainly if dr drew

started smoking weed

every now and then

your life would change in a better way dr drew

and you don’t even know it

and you’re a doctor and

you’re on tv man i love you i’ve been listening to you

from love line from back when i

in 1989 back in the day

i love dr dre i love 90

of what you say

but the 10 about the

you not knowing the truth

about marijuana that burns me

inside well tom mccormick

schooled him on love line years ago when he was talking

about it you know

he’s definitely not

not objective when it comes to that

but hey you know whatever

that’s him that’s what you know it’s the path he’s on

it’s unfortunate

i think you

would i think all people can

learn from psychedelic

experiences if you’re not fucked up

if there’s not

something wrong with you

medically there’s not something

wrong with you psychologically

where you really can’t go on trips

you know even just trips of eating weed that shit

benefits you

greatly in brazil where

ayahuasca is legal

the people that are part of the

ayahuasca churches and they’re just

normal loving people

they give ayahuasca to

their kids when they turn 14

to make sure they don’t become alcoholics

as iwaska at that

age right when they’re hitting puberty

it sets their

brains straight somehow

and iwaska if you know what it is

it’s the key

to the other side to the

spirit world it really is

and when you see the

spirit world at 14 somehow

it keeps them

from being alcoholics they do that in brazil

it straightens you out man

when you’ve had

experiences like the dmt

experience which

if people don’t know

ayahuasca is the dmt experience

ayahuasca is

an orally active version of dmt and the reason

it’s orally active as opposed

to the regular version is that dmt when you eat it

is broken down

your stomach by something called monoamine oxidase

and monoamine oxidase

is produced by your stomach and it kills it so

when you eat it nothing happens

so what these people have figured out how to do and

there’s hundreds of thousands of different

plants in the amazon

they’ve figured out how to take

the root of one tree

and the leaves of another

and they combine them and one of them has dmt and the

other one has a natural

m a o monoamine

oxidase inhibitor

so it inhibits your stomach’s

production of monoamine

oxidase and it

allows the dmt to get into your

bloodstream orally

or and it takes a long time it takes like five or six

hours for the full trip

and it’s it’s like a ride through to the

other side it’s like it allows you

during that

brief amount of time

to tune into the

spirit world

which is all around us all the time

and you know it’s

a huge part of

their culture and it’s been

something that has

been passed on from

generation to generation

and it’s a really

incredible discovery because they figured out at all

those plants

they figured out how

to take this a little bit of this a little bit of that

mix it together boil it

strain it out drink it

throw up it

tastes like dog shit

tastes terrible it’s a long ass process to make this

but they figured out how to do this

it’s really amazing discovery

cause they didn’t

figure out anything else they have dirt

floors and shit they don’t even have shoes

yet they’re out there

making ayahuasca

connecting to the

spirit world on a regular basis

and you know and you

think you say

well we’re advanced

you know those

are those poor people they’re not advanced

they’re way more advanced

yeah yeah they don’t have

supermarkets but

guess what they live in a

place where food is

everywhere okay

and they go to the

spirit world all the time

like they’re

completely connected to the afterlife

if anybody realizes

this is all just a bullshit good time and just try to

enjoy it as much as you can they do

those fucking people are

knocking on the door

every day they’re

going back and forth all the time

they’re not lost in the jungle they’re completely

aware of western

civilization and

technology they know all about it

once you go to the

other side apparently

you realize all that matters is being harmonious with

mother nature and

once you see the spirit

world and you see it so clearly

like all the materialistic

stuff in the world

apparently seems to

not be so important anymore your

priorities change up and

you know it

i didn’t do

ayahuasca i did the real

i smoke dmt with

that’s the 10

minute version of an

eight hour trip

well it’s actually

much it’s very very difficult to get the full

dmt experience when you’re

drinking ayahuasca it’s a long

experience but it’s not a slow

mckenna always described it as

like you know iq you compress a file

and then you download it and then you

uncompress it on your hard

drive and it becomes fucking huge

you know he’s like that’s what dmt’s

like it’s like you’re downloading something that’s just

gonna explode in your brain

yeah and and you

know and and

unhinge and

give you the full

effect in 10 15 minutes as opposed to the

ayahuasca trip it

changed my life

you know i don’t want to get into change

mine too and we’ve talked

about it a bunch of times

i have done it a

bunch times to me it confirmed you know

i grew up very religious

and then at 10 when i

found out that

everybody wasn’t

catholic i thought everybody was catholic everybody

in my neighborhood was catholic we had a couple


in the school

i didn’t know what that was i was a little confused

and then we

had a couple jehovah’s witness and i was like hmm

but mostly everybody was catholic

all the sitcoms that the kids

watched back then

coincided with catholic

holidays so we see christmas specials and we see easter

so i just thought everybody was catholic

you know i was

an alter boy i’m like i can’t wait to get to heaven

cause my life sucks

once i found out that

there was jews out there and i

found i’m like what’s a jew is that a person

oh no it’s a religion and there’s

other religions then

i became atheist once i

found out there

was a thousand religions and i went oh it’s just

muskly all be bullshit

so then i became

super atheistic

started writing songs about

satan i didn’t believe in

satan but i’m like i don’t believe in anything and i’m

gonna scare all

these christians and i’mma

write about

satan killing priests and

stuff didn’t

i wasn’t atheist

i mean i was didn’t believe in god at all

and then when i was

21 i had an

experience that made me

realize that there

might be some

stuff out there

should i tell the

psychic story

oh tell whatever you want man

well that’s an interesting

story i went from atheism to

being an agnostic at 21

i just moved to hollywood to be a rock star

walking up sunset boulevard passing

the roxy and my

buddy john was like 10 15 yards

ahead of me

and in front of the roxy there’s his hippie plan

he’s playing guitar and he has this sign

about the amazon

rainforest getting

chopped down and all this

stuff and he’s just a

dirty hippie to me

and i passed by

and he’s all tree hugging

and i looked at him

and in my mind i’m like you know

take a shower but i didn’t actually say that

and as if he read my mind he stopped

playing walked up to me looked me in the face and said

if i guess your birthday

will you listen to me

and i’m like yeah

right and he looked at me in the eye and said

he said may

may 15th i’m like holy shit

i said john john come here i waved my friend over and i

as if that wasn’t enough

he had to do it

again for the confirmation

i said guess his birthday

and john didn’t know what that was going on

he looked at john and said march

31st mate mate mate mate it’s the probabilities yeah

if you look at probability probability theater

probability theory

remember that conversation

we had a conversation

with a friend of mine yeah at that

point he was telling a

story and the

guy goes mate it’s probabilities probability theory

if you follow probability theory

there’s a way

to do that you can figure out someone’s birthday

what the fuck are you talking

about man you can’t just guess

one day and then another guy comes over you

guessed that day too

no that’s insane

that’s not probability theory

probability theory says it’s very unlikely that you

would be able to do that yeah so

he started talking

about the rainforest we just

stood there with our jaws

dropped i didn’t listen to anything he said

all i kept thinking

about is how the hell did he do that

i was amazing

so i came to a conclusion

it’s got to be one of two

things either

he could somehow

read thoughts and if you

think something

there’s people that

could see the thoughts

somehow it’s like a

weird other

sense or there was some

voice whether it’s an

angel or a demon or a spirit

or whatever

or the akashic records

it’s something telling him

and then he

so to me i became agnostic

which met i’m like okay

maybe i don’t know what the fuck’s

going on and

how old were you when this happened i was 21

so what do you

think happened you

think that dude was doing ayahuasca

and he just tripped all the time and had some sort of

a constant connection to the

spirit world

he’s running around

being selfless

only trying to help people and looking like a bum

because if he’s

dedicating his life to saving the rainforest

he’s got like

she’s super

over active when it comes to

like loving the planet like he loves the planet so much

that he’s dedicating his

whole life he’s not taking showers

he’s on the

sunset playing guitar

he’s dedicating his

whole life that guy

that guy nobody loves the planet more than that dude

you know i was listening to a mckenna

podcast i forget

psychedelic cafe i

think is the name

of the podcast and it had a terrence mckenna speech

where he was talking

about everybody so concerned

about the rainforest and everyone so concerned

about the environment

and pollution and toxifications of the ocean

but if just one

just one of

these things that has hit the

earth so many times in the past

came here from outer space

you wouldn’t have to worry

about anything anymore there’d be nothing left

you know he’s talking

about the meteor that hit the yucatan

and how that within the first

second and a half it was five miles deep

into the earth fuck

the first second and a half it was five miles deep

and that’s fuck the ozone layer fuck the

rainforest fuck everything it’s all done

and those goddamn

every planet is littered

with these giant craters

they’re all over jupiter

we’ve seen them hit in our lifetime

there was an

amateur astronomer very recently in australia

that caught a big impact in jupiter we’ve seen it in

we’ve seen them hit jupiter before with

there was one big one i believe in 94

you know shoemaker

levy i think it was a big comment that slammed in

i mean look it’s some

scary ass fucking shit

and there’s so many of them out there

there’s so many of them

that didn’t

that incident didn’t make me become a tree hugger

but it did make me

it did put me on a quest

to find out

like i just instantly became fascinated

at how we did

that what do you

think i mean you had to be you had to

think about that guy

that’s what i said it was either to me it was either

he could read thought

either what whatever did you ask her

no i didn’t ask whoa

either either he

why didn’t you ask him

i don’t maybe i did and he said don’t worry

about it you know

well what a cock

sucker i just know

hold him back on the ability to read

mind i just know i

heard a voice

or something

so to me to me he did it

it didn’t matter how he did it i

wouldn’t even

let him talk anymore but come on bitch

yeah spread that shit around

i wanna know numbers

i just knew that

there had to be

something that we don’t

understand there

has to be like another dimension or something

so i became

obsessed with finding out

what life really

is you know i’m just always been on that

quest that’s how i became a conspiracy theorist

that’s why you know i’m you know

fascinated with ancient

cultures and what they did

i’m oh i have

stacks and stacks of dvds just like you

stacks of dvds of conspiracy theories and you know

um documentaries on ancient

cultures and

you know the government

and how the government works and all this stuff

that set me on the course

right there to find out

uh what’s really

going on is there an

afterlife i mean

that’s important it became important to me to find out

if there is

if is there some kind of

higher power

you know so

that set it off

so i became agnostic and through dmt

and all the the

things that i’ve been through

to me i feel i’m pretty certain there’s an

afterlife that

we don’t just die and just we’re just done

i believe that

there is the akashic records and

the ancient indians believed

from india they believe

they dubbed it the akashic records

in the after

world there’s a

river of infinite information that

you can have access to the answers to

everything and

through meditation and just

through controlling your own frequency

people have done it

it’s been done

there’s been

the most famous

on in the west was

edgar casey

he had the knowledge to tap into this information

and no one can figure it out

he has like thirteen or fourteen thousand documented

readings he got huge the president came to him

he was you know

he was a guy with a

third grade education

but when he went

under in his

medium state

he had the answers to everything

he was like this

like this this man

in a in a different voice

and would just have the answers to

everything it was yeah what was it

if anybody debunked

edgar casey or

read any of that shit you can’t debunk him really he

smashes just look into him he smashes

he knew in 1920

he knew like the function

of every gland

and no one knew if he was bullshitting

cause they didn’t even know

back then we’re finding the shit he’s saying

we’re finding out

the shit now

if he was right

he would rattle off

the pituitary

gland and give you

what vitamins you need to take

what’s its function

going through all the glands and people thought he’s

crazy but he had documented

mds are going back and studying

his readings

and going holy shit

there’s you can’t debunk him he had the

power he had the

power to reach

and he’s not the only one there’s a lot of people that

could do you

know meditation helps

you yourself have even said through

meditating in your tank

that you feel like you have access to information

well i definitely feel like

the closer you get to being

at peace and in the

right frequency

and then you can

direct your

frequency i really do believe that

i believe that with

the tank and with

especially if i go into the tank

under the influence of the sacred plant

and i get into that groove of

completely totally letting go

and trying to abandon

all that is

about me and just try to be

empty and just tune into it

there’s a place that

i get to it’s almost like i go on this little journey

and i gotta keep it together

while i’m going on this journey because

sometimes when i’m on it it

could get a little

weird i start

thinking about myself or

about my life or

about anything else

and then it interrupts my progress

but if i can tune in

and stay in long enough it’s like i go through a tunnel

and then when i get through the

tunnel if i can keep it together

i get through the

tunnel and then i

break on through to the

other side and when i

break on through to the

other side it

literally is like i get to another place

and so i go through this tunnel

this tunnel

of it’s almost like

tuning my mind into the perfect

frequency and whether

or not i’m willing to let go of all of my control

all my control of my

thinking and if i can

if i can it’s

literally like a

magical event man where

i pop through this

tunnel on the

other side and there’s this

beautiful incredible


world over there


world of patterns and communication

and it’s like a mushroom trip it’s like a dmt trip

yeah so either

a that’s imaginary

and it’s all just in your head it’s a trip or b

it’s actually some place

well you know the

real one i don’t

think there is anything that’s imaginary this is my

thinking about the imagination

this is what i think man

your imagination you’re a very creative person now

think of all the different

things that you’ve thought of whether

you were writing

shit for the man show or whether you’re creating

jiu jitsu moves

whatever it is you think it

and then it manifests itself in a real form as a real

thing a solid

object it was at one

point in time just a thought like

the ability to put something in a can somebody had to

think this up how to make a fucking can and then

figure out how many coconuts

you’d have to squash

to get all this

coconut juice into this can there’s a lot of work

involved in that but you someone has to create it and

think it and

so the imagination

allows you to

think of these

ideas and then they manifest themselves in a real form

so the real question is

what the fuck is the imagination

what is when you’re

thinking things up

and someone comes up with the idea of nuclear

power i mean

granted there’s a

bunch of steps

along the way a

bunch of other discoveries have to be made a

bunch of things have to be

pieced together to get to a

point where you’re

you know making a nuclear

power plan or

an airplane or fucking anything really complicated but

the bottom line is all of it has come out of nothing

all of it every idea ever

has come out of the air

it’s the imagination

so you’re saying

what is it so you’re saying be it’s someplace

and if you look at the ancient indians and

is there an akashic records

is there proof

yes there’s lots of

proof but the undeniable

proof you look at

edgar casey he

proves that

you can somehow

under hypnosis

or in a trance

or in meditation

you can tap into this infinite knowledge

these answers that came from somewhere else

so if there is this infinite

river of knowledge or

what the hell is it who created it

what’s it for is there

is there consciousness behind it

did something create it is there

do we when we

exist in the spirit world are we like this

super infinite

i mean cause if you listen to the mystics and

ancient cultures

the mediums

if you look at all the things they all agree on

they all say

and even terrence mckenna has said this

that in the afterlife

in the other dimension

there’s no time there’s no past there’s no present

there’s just now

everything happens at the same time

no human can actually

understand that or

understand what that feels they can’t wrap their

brain around it

i can say it but i don’t really know what it feels like

but that’s what they all say there is no time

and this dimension that we’re living in

is an illusion of time

we see time moves in a

linear fashion so

we perceive it as time and like

what does that really mean

this is an illusion

really like what could it mean

and if there is this

river of infinite knowledge god damn it

whatever created that for sure is

there’s some intelligent design going on

like that’s what i’m coming that’s the

conclusion i’m coming to

that’s not just some natural

phenomenon where there’s infinite knowledge and

certain people

under meditation could tap into it

that sounds like there’s

some awesome shit that created that

for multiple dimensions

right if it exists

and then you backtrack that it exists

yes there’s lots of

proof that it is there

people are taking information the guy who

guessed my birthday and my friend’s birthday

he tapped into this

infinite river of knowledge

that ancient

cultures all talk about

do you believe

us do you believe in god

man of course there’s

good but you can call it not like the bearded man a

lot no creator

like there is a higher power

there is intelligent design

there is this is

if this is of what we know is it

that’s embarrassing for this universe

if we’re the smartest

nobody knows shit on this yeah

but that’s not embarrassing because at one

point in time it had to be

lower than us if

the big bang actually created the universe

at one point in time like a day old

was the universe like god you

should be embarrassed with yourself this is it

you don’t even have worms yet you fucking

loser well the

whole universe

if everything evolves

i mean at one

point in time it has to be in a low form

what we are in this

if this is a universe if this is a dimension and

whatever you want to

classify this

space that we dwell in

know whether

you think it’s one part of the

great beyond

it’s all attached together whatever the fuck it is

this part is at this

stage this is

where it is

as embarrassing as what we are right now

this may very well be as far as it gets maybe

i mean if we

think that there are aliens

and we think that

aliens at one

point in time used to be

like us and then they

evolved and became much better than us

that means they had to be like us at one

point for sure somebody

the fucking

top of the line the

front of the line

had to be like us at one point

there’s no argument for evolution

maybe it’s us

it might be us i believe in

evolution and

higher power and intelligent design at

the same time how trippy

would that be though

we really were

the top of the

line as far as intelligence goes as far as the universe

what if we really are the only one

that would be a trip man that

would be ridiculous it

wouldn’t be incredible

it would i mean

sounds it sounds

ridiculous i mean the

odds that we

oh we’re number one we’re lucky

but here’s the

thing it had to happen somewhere once right

if it happens here

right if we are the ones

and we’ve gotten to this point

then just because it

i’m not saying this

right but because it’s happening here

doesn’t mean that it’s happening somewhere else

it might literally only be happening here

i believe in evolution

absolutely i mean there’s so much

proof of it

but there’s also

like these inconsistencies

with it too and like the missing link

and the chromosome i

think a lot of that is just a lack of

understanding on

honestly i believe in both i believe that there is if

there’s an akashic records if there’s an infinite

river of knowledge

there’s there’s

definitely in my eyes the

the conclusion

would be that

there’s a higher power with

higher intelligence

than what we’re at

someone else we’re not creating that shit

somebody created that we can’t fucking make an infinite

river knowledge

where we could just grab it like a


we’re still on laptops

i’m saying that that

proves that

there’s something

way beyond us

way beyond us it

might not be that simple it

might be something like we’re moving towards

becoming that

it might be that

it might be that there is no god and

there is no one who’s at the

wheel of this whole

thing but that the whole

thing is moving in a direction the way

to move in the correct direction is to move towards god

is to move towards love is

to move towards friendship and happiness and that’s why

when you crack through to the next

stage when you

have that dmt trip and you go over there it’s like

what you’re trying to do is to get there

what you’re trying to do is to tune in to how they’re

tuned in you

know and then it’s not even that there’s a

thing behind it but you are it you are that

thing we all

are that thing

water molecules in the ocean

that’s one of

the conclusions and theories based on

all the shit that i’ve heard

it seems like the

afterworld is like an

ocean it is like god is one god is

ocean but we’re all part of it we’re all

like a water molecule we’re all affected it’s the

ultimate mind fuck it’s the

ultimate mind fuck to

think about

and your own biology is sort of betraying you

into thinking that you’re an individual

and that you’re not a part of some gigantic fucking

thing that’s all happening

but one of the

things that you’ve realized

and i’ve realized over the course of our friendship

i mean eddie’s been my best friend since

i think 2000 we

started hanging out in 2000 and

it comes back to the

story of the

twister because

we became good friends

i was getting

private lessons when i

first started doing

jiu jitsu i was a

blue belt under

this dude i won’t say his name he’s a very nice guy

but i’m gonna say something negative and

because i was getting

private lessons from him all

the time he was the only guy that i was rolling with

and i wasn’t really

learning nearly as much as i thought i thought

like if you’re kickboxing and

you say if you get a chance to work out with rob cayman

it’s way better to work out with

rob cayman one on one than it is to go to a private

class like he’s

gonna correct all your technique

so i thought that

would be the case with

jiu jitsu like i

would get real good

going to class

anything like that

eddie was the

first person to tell me and

eddie came to

one of the private lessons that i was

having with silvio and we rolled around a little bit

and right away he got me in a twister

and i had no idea what the fuck he’s doing

all of a sudden he hooks my

knee with his left leg and his left foot goes under his

right knee and he

rolls forward

under his left

shoulder and i’m

spinning around like a top

the next thing you know he’s got my arm

wrapped around his neck

and he’s fucking pulling on my

neck like this i was like what the fuck did you just do

like i had been

doing jiu jitsu for two years

and i had no idea what the fuck you just did to me

and i was like god damn and you’re like i’ll

teach you all this shit i was like dude

teach me this shit

and that’s how we became friends and that’s also

how i started smoking pot

you know i was on the mark marin

podcast the other day

and this came up

you know i thought that marijuana

and all that

stuff was for

losers i thought that it just made you a loser

you’re just

gonna become unmotivated you’re not

gonna get anything done you’re

gonna be a dummy you just sit and watch tv

that’s not what i wanted man i wanted to make sure

we’re like our friend bud

we have a good friend bud who’s like super

fucking go get her

you know bud is a

great guy he’s the one who put together the tv show to

build that car the parakuta

he’s also the one who did

my garage like an

mma garage he’s always got a

bunch of different tv shows going on

and he’s a fucking go getter

and you and i are always like dude

please just let us get you high

how many times

more than anybody more than dr drew

more than anybody how many

times have we been having this conversation with him

and he’s always like

after i make my

first million

then he makes his

first million like i’m

still i’m like i

wanna slow down now

like he just does not

wanna slow down

and we’re like it ain’t

about slowing down man

it’s not about i’m not slowing down i

haven’t slowed down at all

i work more now than i ever did before same here man

i’m a busy motherfucker that’s not an

annoying goddamn stereotype that potheads are lazy

we get a lot of shit done dude

i’m doing two

podcasts a week i’m writing a book i’m writing my

stand up comedy i’m performing

stand up comedy

and i’m doing

stand up i’m doing the commentary for the number one

mixed martial

arts organization in the fucking

world and i’m

training jiu

jitsu and i’m doing kettlebells

and i’m raising kids

and i play pool

every night

and i gotta surf the internet and i

gotta beat off there’s a lot of shit

going on man there’s a lot of goddamn time

i’m not lazy at all i squeeze it all out every day

so when people say that potheads

you know that it makes you lazy

it’s just a

stereotype man and that was a stereotype that i thought

before i met you man

i do sleep till

about 10 45

every day so

what what time you go to bed

what time you go to bed two or

three yeah that’s like

eight hours that’s what you’re supposed to get man

most of these people are in bed at 10 o’clock at night

that’s why when they get up at six o’clock

in the morning they’re all impressed with themselves

yeah bitch i

slept till 1 30 in the afternoon

but where were you at 5 am i was writing the

greatest bit i’ve ever written in my life

okay that’s why i

write my best shit

i was in the fucking isolation tank

traveling through the universe all right

that’s what i was doing

while you were

sleeping so don’t give me a hard time because

my time is different

than your time like somehow another

you know you’re fucking doing yoga at 5 a

m so you’re the king fuck you

stupid and it’s all

based on farmers anyway

it is based on you’re

right it’s based on

you have to fucking get up

early that’s nonsense

asleep the crazy

thing is a joe and i before we start

smoking weed

we were totally

against it we were bag on

stoners and we thought it made you stupid

i would talk so much shit on

stoners that at 28

that’s when i

found out the truth

that’s when i reap the benefits of marijuana

and then when i met joe he was so funny

i thought this guy’s got a

smoke pot he’s so

funny like i’d go see him

you know do

stand up at the comedy

store and i’m like that’s that dude

who trains at

john jacques machado’s

he trains at my

school hey what’s up dude i

train at your school

and i was like

watch him do comedy i thought he was great he’s

gotta smoke yeah

eddie and i had a

bunch of fortuitous meetings just

out of the blue

before we became friends at one time

eddie’s eyes aren’t so good

and one time we were

at mel’s diner

and it was late at

night man it was like one o’clock in the morning

and i’m like yo eddie

eddie yo eddie

he’s like man who’s this

motherfucker talking to me man i’m

gonna have to

fight this dude in

front of my chick

oh that’s remember

that oh my god you remember that yeah you thought

i was like some dude who’s just fucking with you

i i had it thrust

down i’m like

i thought you were

cause i was with the

chick and i

thought you were saying something to the chick

yeah you didn’t hear what i was saying and you can’t

see that good so you couldn’t see me from a distance

so by the time i came up to your

table you’re like who’s this


and then you’re oh hey dude

i didn’t watch newsredo and at that

point it was before fear factor so

i never watched news radio and

so i was like okay i hear he’s an actor or something

like i barely remembered

but then when i saw you

at the comedy show that was by luck too

you didn’t come

there with me you just came there yeah i

was just acting

i would go see come

cause right when i

started smoking weed

i began to appreciate comedy way more because

it’s way better all of a

sudden my mind

figured out how to

write comedy

right when i

started smoking weed

i never under i was fascinated with comedy

but i never

understood how they put bits together i didn’t

understand the

setup i didn’t

understand the

structure of comedy

but as soon as i

start smoking weed

i’m like i know

where they’re

doing i know what they’re doing now they’re doing this

and they’re taking that

and then doing so i

understood the

basic formula

so i just became fascinated

and then i saw you i’m like

that’s that dude from my

jiu jitsu school

he’s an actor

and you killed me you were just

you were all nothing but dick jokes

and like relationship jokes

chick jokes dating joke

but you were killing it

and then when you came you walked off

stage like hey dude

what’s up dude

i know you fucking were awesome

and then we then

that’s when

he invited me to give him a private or something

that was after

you at when i was taking

privates with that dude yeah and then you came down to

class and then and then the pot smoking

began that was it

yeah you know it took me

it i thought you totally smoked weed so

last year let’s not tell

about the story

because it’s kind of

illegal oh one

thing the one part

about the story

it’s on me it’s not

going to be you know i’m saying

yeah but it’s

legal now it’s legal now

yeah yeah yeah yeah totally

your life that’s

cryptic shit

for you bitches listen this goddamn podcast been

going on long enough

if it wasn’t for

eddie bravo i

would have never got into jiu jitsu

it wasn’t for

eddie bravo i

never would have become a stoner

he’s one of my fucking favorite

human beings to walk the face of the earth

you can find on twitter

e d d i e b r a

v o on twitter

and your website is

tenth planet jj comm

right yep i’m on the forum

every day the new beer forum

and brian redband you can

catch him on twitter at redband

redbam and please follow him

he’s getting very insecure he’s got such a high death

squad itunes rating it’s like number 13 and shit

blowing the fuck up

but yet his goddamn twitter is so minuscule

well i’ve just surpassed the 300 000 mark bitches nice

can i say one more

thing before we

go for sure yeah

we were talking

about michael jai white

earlier i just

wanna say that the

never back down two

michael ziwit was a producer

star director he wanted to make sure that it was

mma authentic

so and not be anything like the

first one so

never back down to

you know he brought me in as a consultant

i ended up getting

a little part i got a couple songs on the

soundtrack but we did our best to make it

to fill all the holes to make sure that a hardcore

mma fan could come to them and

watch this movie

and couldn’t poke any holes

and there’s a

twister in there too i

choreographed a

fight where he gets a guy at a

twister and

it seemed at that point like

you know like there was no

twisters in the

ufc so i could

see like the producers as i’m putting it together like

are you sure we’re

gonna do this

i mean this is legit

are people gonna

isn’t this like a double flip kick and

thank god the korean zombie pulled off a

twister so now

it legitimizes that part of the

movie as well

nice so there’s rubber

guard in the movie

which we did our best with it man

i saw a rough cut of it i

loved it so

cool alright this weekend

portland i’m there with joey diaz

thursday friday saturday

at the helium

comedy club this shit is all almost sold out

if you want tickets you

gotta jump on it right now

because there was very few left as of today

so get in there

thank you everybody for seattle

the moor theater was fucking sold out and it was

crazy and the

voodoo chicken went on

stage for the very

first time it was

absolutely spectacular

seattle you guys are the shit i had a

great fucking time

and when i said

how many people listen to the podcast like 99

of the crowd went crazy

and it’s all podcast people now these

crowds are all podcast

crowds it’s nuts

thank you very much for the

flashlight to the flashlight

if you go to joerogane

net and click on the link

that says flashlight and

enter in the code name rogan you get 15 off

so that’s it

freaks wednesday

we’re doing joey diaz

joey diaz will

be on the podcast wednesday and then wednesday

night will be at

sal’s comedy hole in la all

right bitches you know i love you

saturday night or saturday the saturday 10 planet

springfield i’ll be there

teaching assembly

springfield massachusetts no

no springfield missouri missouri

springfield missouri this saturday

get on the new bureau forum

get the details at

tenth planet jj com alright bitches

we will see you guys on wednesday

i think are over bitches

i did one more it

sounded artificial that last bitches

i take it back

comments powered by Disqus