just give me like a Right now
we’re on the U stream right now
oh my God we’re live
ladies and gentlemen Joe Rogan Experience podcast
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and with that said buckle up bitches here we go
Joe Diaz is in the motherfucking house oh yeah
a lot of people been complaining that
this is lame music
a lot of people been saying you know
this song is just not befitting of such a
fucking dynamic podcast
why you got some fucking Fruity
Tooty tunes playing there
why don’t you got some
because we don’t want
first of all
we don’t want the song to overshadow the show
what if the song is better than the show
and you like
why don’t you fuck
stop talking
play some more that groovy music
you were just hitting me with
Joe Diaz is in the motherfucking house
bitches baby
that’s all you need to know
forget about that goddamn opening music
don’t be tripping
don’t be tripping
people don’t get your shit together kids
the best is when somebody complains about that song
and then they send you their like
keyboard oh
there’s Songs of Death
and they’ll send it to you a thousand times in case
just like case you didn’t get it the first 50 000 times
when I send it this is a new one
I’ve put some echo to the drums
it’s a little bit different now
that’s great
I’m ready to leave Joe Diaz
if this fucking earthquake comes
I’m gone baby
back to the mountains with the full posse
load them up in the Lexus
leave everything behind
hollow back locations still get in this country
you got San Francisco Oregon
California and Nashville
what are the points
is the fault on that
we well there’s other faults
there’s a fault near New York right
there’s a fault near New York
yeah there’s a bunch of faults man
it’s like here’s the deal
honestly we know what moves on a regular basis
but that doesn’t preclude things from moving on
a unique basis
there could be some fucking new shit
that happens anyway
we don’t have this shit wired
we don’t know what the hell’s going on
there’s some recent study
where these scientists are gonna drill into the Earth
mantle all the way through the fucking core
it’s gonna take 5
they try to figure out how to do it
it’s like they’re like little kids
it’s like well
we know we can’t use a regular drill
cause it’ll melt
so they’re trying to figure out how the fuck
they’re gonna get a drill
that drills all the way down to the mat
and you ask them why
what are you doing
is there leprechauns down there
they’re gonna give you gold
what’s going on
is there aliens down
there they gonna suck your dick
what are you doing
why are you drilling down to the mantle
because people are silly fucks
and we just wanna see what’s up
we just want to see what’s up
we want to try what’s up
sometimes you gotta dig a hole to find something
yeah but what the fuck man
what if they dig a hole through the Earth mantle
and the Earth becomes like a fucking balloon
with a hole in it
just goes flying around the galaxy
what if it lava shoots out of it
like like a balloon
you know how you go and you blow up a balloon
and you let it go
how about that
what if the Earth becomes like that
like a balloon
that doesn’t does not tied off at the end
and the Earth flies around the galaxy
I’ll fucking haphazardly
like a balloon
what if we find out
the earth is really made out of rubber
this whole mantle and all this other bullshit
this is just outside the balloon
this is like the decoration on the balloon
but if you pop that motherfucker
it will just fly around
yeah we slamming a Jupiter and shit
we slamming other planets
that is the most fucked up thing about space
is that occasionally planets hit each other
god damn son
could you imagine
what kind of chaos there would be in this world
if we saw a planet coming our way
if you saw Mars
like for sure
Mars is coming
it might take 5 years
but it’s gonna hit the Earth
and we’re fucked
and there’s not a goddamn thing we can do to stop it
there it is
you see it in the sky
gets a little bigger every night
by the time it got real close
people would be losing their fucking mind be a party
would be fucking great
it wouldn’t be a party
you know what
it be like warrior with knives and stabbing people
it would be like that scene in Event Horizon
you remember that movie
Event Horizon
with Lawrence Fishburne
you don’t remember that
badass fucking science fiction movie
sam Shepherd
and I think it’s Sam Shepherd and Lawrence Fishburne
and it’s about a spaceship
that punches a hole through a wormhole
they travel to a distant part in the galaxy
by folding the space and time together
like 2 pieces of paper
punching a hole through it
and arriving on the other end
but when they did that
they didn’t realize that they actually went to hell
so these guys get to this Event Horizon ship
it comes back
everyone’s dead
and they get a video of the crew
and the captain and everything
like they find out later in the movie
what happened to them
and they’re pulling their own eyeballs out
and screaming shit in Latin
and killing each other and biting each other apart
cut each other open
that’s what it’s gonna look like
it’s not gonna be like everyone’s like
we’re gonna be fuck it
you’re not gonna be fucking okay
when there’s Mars
it’s like a hundred times bigger than the moon
would you kill yourself
maybe a thousand
I don’t know what the fuck I would do
I think I think I would fucking kill myself
I would kill you
I would close my fucking eyes and wish for the best
I’m not tapping out that fucking easy
can you pull up that song
dream Weaver
can you pull up that song right now
you’re not pulling that song
it’s too early for that shit
we gotta establish the show first
you gonna hit him with this gay music
no I wanna hear you
I wanna hear what you would do
I wanna hear what you would do over that song
no I don’t wanna do nothing
first of all that shit wouldn’t happen
we have no fucking problem
if I see shit coming
I just go home
stock up on some fucking herb
get some good books and wait for the shit to drop
what are you gonna do
you gonna get on the 4 o 5
with these fucking idiots
and you know what are you gonna do
get on the one 10 guys with helicopters
who just be pissing on your head
out of their helicopter
laughing at you where you’re stuck in this stupid grid
there won’t be no fucking helicopters
is haters in this
fucking city
you gotta don’t like those helicopters on
yeah I’ll be shooting you down
we’re going
we’re going
we’re going
it’s gonna be fucking chaos
yeah you know
it’s interesting
people didn’t really learn about human behavior
from the Rodney King riots
but that’s what should have taught you
this is what’s possible
with something so simple as a verdict
for someone who you don’t even know who you saw
get beat up
and they let the cops go
and these motherfuckers were going crazy
throwing rocks at white people
smashing the fucking
and yeah yeah yeah yeah
it was a racially charged issue
I understand
people have this feeling of an unfair society
and it said
get out of orange county be the fucking road warrior
again when they killed everybody they’ll be fucking
crazy you don’t want to be here
you want to be in the mountains montana yeah not even
colorado anymore it’s too many fucking momos and
the fucking
money came in the fake fucking
money and what the hillbillies out
the real motherfuckers that you needed
in case you gotta go like woody
creek to find those people like you gotta go
woody creek is that
still fucking amateurs to really
bunch of fucking boozes up there you really
you got to go deep
deep in the mountains of gunnison and shit like that
find those crazy
gunderson gunnison
brian you got the volume on
we’re echoing
gunnison gunderson
gunnison where’s that
that’s down south
what do you think
about all that shit
about the denver airport do you know anything
about the conspiracy behind the denver airport
where is it now
the denver airport
first of all they
moved way more dirt than they needed to
and so there’s this
all this thought that there’s some sort of subterranean
tunnel system
it’s all based on the end of the world
and shelters
they fucked
up staple to the airport was a brilliant airport
it was like
burbank you could
smuggle a fucking dead fucking kilo coconut
nobody said nothing
and all of a
sudden they came up with a bright idea
let’s fucking make an airport ninety
miles farther out by kansas
so when it snows we really get fucking buried
we have no protection
that’s a bunch of cowboys bro making decisions and
trust me they’re too
stupid to even know what a conspiracy theory is
the people that
built it maybe but if the government was really
truly behind it like all these people think
what it is is that they
made an airport there
but in constructing the airport they also
built some sort of underground safeguard
three more strongholds there so there’s
gotta be some kinky shit yeah
well you know if it’s
close i mean that
would be a move right
build an airport and then
build some shelters i mean that airport is like fucking
kansas when you go out to kansas
they were a dick out there that’s what they call it the
it was easy man when i lived in denver or in boulder
it was easy to drive there how small
was the drive fucking hour nothing
never any traffic
be 25 minutes
here’s the deal though bro
there’s no traffic out that don’t matter used to be
twenty five minutes with no traffic
on some fucking tunes crack the window a little bit
they built this
monster to spend money yeah they
built this monster this monster to to to just
you know like when i went to fucking newark to see the
fights with you
they we did knew it they
built the soccer stadium
right fucking soccer stadium and newer
they’re spending
money left and
right but they
still can’t put a left hand turning signal
so if you got to make a left
29 fucking miles of people got
well they’re trying to keep up
their reputation as the car jack capital of the
world and if you got like some left
turn signals you got some outlets people can escape
can escape the
drama fucking
amazing that’s the thing
about that it’s like
you know they
think that’s
there’s something really
going on inside that denver airport there’s all
these documentaries
dedicated to it
and one of the reasons for it is because
there’s these
crazy murals that they’re
painted up in the denver airport
and they’re really disturbing man
they’re apocalyptic
like one guy’s got a fucking gas mask on
with a giant
sword and there’s like
pictures of children and coffins and there’s
in the background have you ever seen that shit yeah but
yeah we’ve actually talked
about it on this podcast before we did yeah
but do you think that has anything to do with
with that and
you putting the two
together i don’t
think that it does
definitely but
it’s interesting
you know i mean i’ll have opinion
one way or another i’ve listened to the people talk
about how it’s a some great
escape base and that
2012 is gonna be
you know fucking
asteroids gonna hit that they’re
tracking it’s
gonna kill everybody
except the people that are in this
underground bunker
i don’t know man
i watched a tv show on
those dudes
those dudes that have
they’ve bought like
fucking condos
out in these
shelters out in like
death valley and shit
have you seen those
people have
space in death valley and so they have like a condo
inside this
underground bunker
thing it’s out in the middle of fucking nowhere
you have to
drive and you go out there
and they had
these shows i forget who was the host of the show
but they took you on a tour of
these fucking but
might have been
jesse ventura
no it wasn’t him
because they had a
sense of humor but
whoever it was was like really
and they take on his fucking tour of these
underground bunkers that they have set up
where they can survive a fucking nuclear bomb
i mean these guys are like
half a mile deep in the fucking
earth so you survived the bomb now it’s you and
eight fucking momos
eight assholes
looking at each
other listen
just live your fucking life
these people that dig into that shit and
just live your fucking life
we get hit by a bomb the best
thing you could do is move on to the fucking next life
pray to god it’ll be fucking better you hear that doors
music dude yeah
what the fuck is
wrong with people
i’m gonna live in a bunk
you imagine
being living
your life consumer what happened was a bomb drops
at the 1960
those people that shit wore off
in the 60s they all
moved into buildings with
underground drops
little fucking
sandwiches that’s how tang was fucking invented
where did they invent the tang for
so when we go in that fucking
tunnel of doom
and after the russians
fuck everybody in the ass
we could come out
where we got
vitamin c from the fucking tang that’s what
tang was invented for
but guess what
our fears aren’t the russians anymore
it’s a lot bigger than that and whatever’s
gonna hit now
right now there’s a
thing going on in japan
well we don’t fucking know they’re
lying to the people just like
everything else
they’re lying a 20 mile radius that shit’s horrible
that shit is horrible radiation is fucking horrible
and the best is all
these people are raising
their hands now
we have radiation in key west don’t
blame it on fucking
japan don’t
blame it on
japan now that’s not
japan’s for you guys bad radiation on your own
you greasy motherfuckers down there off the
coast of florida
you filthy cocksuckers
now you wanna
blame on the poor fucking jobs they’re
walking around with fucking mask and
his radiation
in florida that’s primarily
poked up whore that
jerking guys off
and creating heat in the air
sperm that they put in the fucking beach
during csi miami
you see all these
chicks brazilian
jumping up and down with that ass
that’s what that fucking is
pussy fucking
nasty radiation but is something
extra dirty
about porn that you get from
miami you ever
watch porn from miami
yeah cause it’s
almost like they’re like retarded people fucking
yeah you know
i mean and they’re always oiled up to yeah
oil dropping
and just something
about it like you can’t relate it’s hard to even jerk
off trouble joe rogan
never mind the martians and what’s going on
fucking trouble
this thing in
japan is a lot
worse than what they’re saying
you think so
fuck yeah what makes you say this
just i just know our society and that
scares wait till
those fucking japanese
start coming
out with six fucking eyes and you don’t know
which ones looking at you
then they’re
gonna say what is that better so you can see better
maybe you know
maybe that’s
2012 that’ll be our next mutation
an adaptation to radiation
this is not
are there any animals besides
roaches that are really good with radiation
roaches is supposed to be the best at it right
yeah you guys
live through anything but is that is that even
is that even just like a
wife’s tale yeah i don’t know
someone should do us a
favor now we know that the
japan is fucked
send a box of
cockroaches over there with a webcam on it
let’s see what’s up
you know if you love america go over there and do that
stupid fucking
water all that
oil and they don’t know what the fuck’s
going on and you know what now
besides that we’re all
spread out we’re in libya
we’re in this fucking
place what the fuck
are you fucking
crazy are you fucking crazy
these guys are just sitting there waiting it’s like
it’s like you’re just waiting
for us to wear out before you fuck us in the at home
what’s that
guy we’ve been looking for for 11 years something
yeah he’s just sitting there
going all we got him now
just spread out like
motherfuckers
we’ll just light a fire
in kansas cnn
breaking news i get cnn
breaking news
sent to my phone holla
us intelligence
source cia is operating inside libya
to help us increase military and political
understanding
what that means somebody’s
about to get jack bitch
what kind of
horse shit quote
is that oh the cia
is there to increase
military and political
understanding
no this is what we want you to do do you understand
okay here’s the political
understanding
we got the bombs
bitch okay we got fucking
robots that we can operate from nevada
okay you don’t even see them cause they
blend in with the sky
and they don’t make any
noise cause they’re fucking
solar powered
and they can contain hellfire
missiles hellfire
that’s what i decided to name them
not you know the beautiful flower missile or
lick my asshole missile
no hellfire
hellfire missiles and they’re
shooting them from another fucking part of the world
imagine the lag they have
they must have to really plan a shot in advance
just like playing
quake online when you got lag if you have
a 56k connection
and there’s some asshole you’re playing
against you got a
cable modem
you know he gets to move
quicker than you because his downtime is pain time
between connecting to the server and back is much
quicker so you’re fucked
so these guys must have like super lag
listen dog in 1985
we went to see rambo to and that
motherfucker took an
arrow out on an explosive at the end
and when he shot it all of us lost our
mind nobody like the
black people
black people love
arrows with explosives
i’ve seen that movie
178 i never seen
black people
crazy in my life when rambo came
out of the mud and his eyes opened up and choked the
motherfucker
black people went but not is
they’re like yelling we
should have thought of that what is it
about black dudes
they love watching
martial art love it they love anything
special like a dude doing some
crazy shit like
oh that motherfucker got a gun in his shoe
check that shit out
there’s something
about a dude pulls his shoe off and
guns down the bad guy like oh shit no he didn’t
what is that what is i mean they’re just very
vocal they’re excited
the best thing
about this is that was 20 years ago
the shit we got now has bombs and
stuff off the
charts we got a bomb that comes
at you as a car that follows you to the gas station bro
and while you’re pumping gas it turns
into a bomb a guy pops on tops you on the shoulder
says goodbye
that’s the shit we got
we got shit that comes to your
house dressed up like a cake
happy birthday
and when you go to blow out the
candles it just fuckin blows up we got some shit now
you know when i saw that was really
crazy they got this rover
this remote controlled
drone rover that’s movin around
that can jump in the air
it gets up to a fence
and i thinking go like
eight or nine feet in the fucking air wow and
it moves up to the fence and then it just goes doink
and flies through the air and lands the other side
and it looks like it
basically looks like like some sort of a flat box
you know where all the
electronics is
with like two tractor two rubber tractor
things on the side of it i guess
and the fucking
thing flies through the air
i mean what
what’s next
you know that’s the other
thing that people are
thinking about
a lot of the shit that’s
going down in afghanistan
a lot of the shit that’s
going down in the middle east period
is that the cia
he’s got all kinds of shit
going on all kinds of little kinds of little
drones and explosives
blowing up in convenient spots to
spark anger and
you know that’s what they do
that’s what they do
spark war and get you know
they’ve always
done that and with the bottom line of this what do you
think is really
going on they figured
some libyan doctor
figure out a way how to grow
fifty kilos of hair
in your bathtub
and the united
states find
out that jack that
motherfucker
khadafi’s got an army of
motherfuckers around
this guy with missiles and explosives but the united
states is jacking this guy’s got some do it h
it’s got something
to do with fucking why we’re over there in the fucking
first place
the whole nucleus of this
thing people are
dying in detroit from heroin
yeah this fucking war and we’re
still now we’re
gonna take over libya
boxes of money
bro is it amazing how many people who
think you’re
crazy when you
start talking
about the fact they’re in afghanistan for heroin
people go what are you talking about
they’ll look at you like you just fucking
just ate a bowl of shit they look at you all your
ridiculous person
yeah we’re at war for heroin
where do you
think that money is
going man where’s that
money going
what is you know much
money we’re talking
about they can ignore that you’re fucking
crazy we want
to take over a country so we can eat better
gyros that’s what you’re telling me
go fuck yourself
we’re taking over a country so we can take
over that fucking loot dog
yeah that’s the bottom line
it’s a lot of
bottom line there’s all
sorts of loot over there
and there’s
all sorts of loot in libya too i mean it’s it’s
is it a fucking coincidence
that for whatever
reason we decide to attack libya instead of
going to mexico
and straight now that bullshit
that’s right next door
but all mexico’s got burritos
burritos and hookers and donkeys and tequila
it’s not a lot of shit to offer
mexicans getting
ready though
but listen got some
crazy motherfuckers down there
well they gotta
clean up their problem
they got a big problem and it’s because of the united
states it’s a big part of it
they wanted to make
everything legal
they wanted to
you know they did do you know that
here’s a little known fact
mexico has decriminalized everything
small amounts when you’re not selling it
everything’s
legal now you
could get acid in mexico
you can get mushrooms in mexico they
decriminalize everything
just because they had to allocate resources to
fight these fucking drug lords
i mean that’s a
that’s a gone country that country’s gone the country
doesn’t have a government anymore it’s
right next door
right next door
right next door
right next door the fucking
drug army is it’s like
going to war with someone who lives in your country
it’s like if we were
fighting al
qaeda but al qaeda had billions of dollars
and was way more armed and
they were living here
that’s what it’s like
that’s what it’s like being a
fucking cop
in mexico here’s the
crazy thing mexico
is coming back to get what’s theirs
bitch california
california in
texas and rock
you can’t take
texas no it’s not
it’s can’t take taxes
even the mexicans will they go around
texas and jack wyoming
jack dallas
dallas our cannon
shit they’ll give them a beat
no you can’t
the outskirts of texas
still come out of
their hunting
blinds and kill you
i don’t have a chance
he already lives there
ted nujitt lives in waco now yeah you can’t fuck
yeah fuck yeah he does
he’s got a high fence i’ve always admired
i think he’s a retard
but i think he does a lot of
things that i really
agree with and one of the
things that i
agree with is
when he lived in michigan he had this badass
compound we had 2 000 acres or something like that
and it was all fenced in
and he had all
these animals
living inside his compound
he would just go and jack him
and that’s where he got all his food from
he got all his food from hunting on his own property
and i’m like god damn
it that’s fucking brilliant that’s how i want to live i
would love to live like that just eat what you hunt
yeah that’s one of the reasons why i was into moving to
colorado one of the reasons why i was up there was like
look at the shit hits the fan
living in the woods you
know there’s a lot of animals out here in the spring
water that comes
in fucking shooting a pig
yeah cook under the fucking cave with your kids and
cave just giving them all fucking silverware
and living in a tent with fucking heaters and
if the shit ever went down and
got kinky can you imagine that
kinky kinky
dog kink shit gets kinky dog in that game with my
you motherfuckers
so i’m excited
about oregon oregon’s one of
those yeah we’re
gonna have a good fucking time
organs one of those
states that’s
been on the grid for years but nobody knew
about they kept it hush hush
used to get
some good weed in oregon 15 fucking years ago yeah
pass ashland
eugene bend oregon’s a hippie
fucking foundation over there
but portland’s a pretty hippie
place too is a very hippie
place up there girls have
dirty feet yeah
they have dirty feet
gotta make them put cut
socks on i fuck
socks and put
socks on and
don’t breathe in my mouth
portland was the place that
i went to last year
and we were
trying to find the most
attractive person in a costco
for like a half hour meeting the girl i was with
who would you fuck yeah and we couldn’t find anyone so
costco though dude go to a costco and burbank
again with a
bunch of cripples
there too i know but that’s a packed
costco i can
find one string
you need to go to a better
places so there’s a
smaller amount
smaller amount of people you’d want to fuck
that’s okay dude
you’re gonna
be okay i’ll be okay
you gotta live somewhere
if this place falls apart
there’s too many
humans here you know
too many yeah but we keep on saying that but we’re not
doing anything
about it i did
i did i fucking
moved man the only reason
why i came back is because mrs rogan got pregnant
because the dog got
eaten by a mountain lion
it wasn’t for that
suburb then
that’s my next move
what are you talking about
it’s not like i’m already talking to real estate agents
oh snap you don’t know she’ll
let you talk all that nonsense
this is the
move the move is you go and you get a summer place
and you try it out and live there for a summer then it
becomes like
be super nice
while you’re there so it becomes all nostalgic you
know so i just
every time we’re there i’ll just
bring home flowers
and shit and
then we come back to la
and then it’s all
jiu jitsu and loud
music and too much pot smoke so
ellie’s negative
yeah daddy’s
crazy in la
daddy just wants to
fight and smoke pot
and he’s walking around naked
no in colorado
daddy wants to go get ice cream
and daddy’s
bringing flowers home see
you just train them bro is the problem you
got blowing
farts on earlier i
love you to
death i love you to death
here’s the problem joe roland’s got
joe rogan’s got a great wife
and joe rogan i went to his home last week
and that was one of the
first times that mrs rogan was home a couple times
so i’ve been up there
like four times mrs roland likes to rock the
house mrs roland i like to sit at home
and the problem is all
up where you live now all you
gotta do is go down the hill and she get the
party started
where you put it before
motherfucker that’s a witness relocation plan
she had to drive 90
miles before she even seen a denny’s dog
there was another 20
miles she was from all the
way up in boulder
the first mall that she cares
about is cherry fucking creek
you know i’m saying so you had a
two floors at
denver yeah you
had too far away from the mall
you gotta keep a closer to the mall
you had a ninety fucking
miles dog and i
slipped on the you know what i love the most
ahead up there
what i love the most living up there was that
there was a
small amount of people man
boulders only
got a hundred thousand plus people not that much man
and people are friendlier like that there’s
a more relaxed vibe and i
think that shit is healthy
i think there’s something
exciting about living in a big city
especially if you’re
you know you’re involved in the hustle and bustle
and you’re really trying to make something happen and
you know it’s
i don’t know i can’t
believe that
if you got divorced
you probably get
married again
after a week you dumb
fuck you talking a real ticket
are you really talking to a realtor
is gonna shut
that party up
you gotta figure out a way to get a fucking car for her
to the mall
where he actually i
could do that don’t
worry about
that you gotta move a little closer
that was too
yeah a little
close and you just need to move to
texas texas is
cool this is the answer too i like austin
i’m a big fan of that austin
texas i’ll tell you that i’d live there
if i was gonna live but
more land still
weed is not
legal there
the thing about
colorado is just like
california you
could just go rock weed
everywhere and people
moved to austin
no not yet not yet
the shit hits the fan anything can happen you know
when the shit
hits a fan then everybody gets scared then you
start making
survival choices
you can live in
kansas you know you’d rather be healthy in
kansas you know
but the wheat
stores in colorado were just like out here bro
it’s just how they’re everywhere
there’s one
place in denver
where there’s fucking
seven of them on a
street bing
bing bing bing bing
is it easier to get a license
though the same
same deal i get headaches
okay bang prescription son i didn’t
know it was like we don’t want you to have a headache
20 minutes away from me when i was
shooting that
movie last year
right in the mountains they had
nice like a doctor oh yeah there’s a
place that i
used to go to in the mountains it was like a gift shop
and they were
doing they were struggling they were doing terrible
and you know the fucking they were
about to lose
their business
and then they
started selling weed in the back of the gift shop
legal they got a
legal license
boom now they’re balling
now they’re
about so their one
place they open up in boulder is
supposedly i don’t know if it’s open yet
but they were talking
about it was
gonna be thirty thousand square feet it was gonna be
three floors
i don’t know if they
went through with it i need to find out if they did
because that’s just the most
ridiculous shit i’ve ever heard
that’s a goddamn
shopping is a walmart of weed yeah a walmart of weed
yeah but they had
great spots there man they had
great spots we can get weed
i got some fucking weed
two days ago in hollywood it’s
thirty one percent thc level
you don’t even this
day even necessary
what time was it
again it’s matt oh
i’ve been smoking mat
since two thousand six
and you got to figure that
every year gets a little
strong it’s that trade
week they pay this girl
i forgot to
bring a but
it looks like one of the martians from independence day
you can see
this a team
and they could
going around it
it’s like a hybrid
fucking beautiful
what if i tell you i have a joint of that
right now did why we give it to you
huh now i went and got it no you did yeah i did
go get that shit son
do you really have some
what’s it called
max number one og
bring it back in spock
it kid oh that shit is fucking
strong yeah
i had to go to the gym i was up
sounds good dog
slot oregon is
gonna be fun last time we have
i went to eugene oregon with jody furtie
and we had a saturday
night there for a one
night if a tribble
but it was the same
night that there was a convention for like the
american association
of retarded children i don’t want to say it wrong
but it was like the children that you know
special olympics
right and they had a lot of little retarded
kids running around so when i go to
check in i’m high as a
motherfucker there’s all
these kids with balloons
and i’m just freaking
cause oregon
got some deep weed
you know i’m saying
right right
right we got some at the gas station
brian you’re
gonna love this shit so i got a lighter
we check into the
hotel in eugene and joe this is not 10 or 15 of them
this is six hundred children you know special olympics
two hundred retarded ones and
their parents
well so i go to my room you know we
smoke we do the show
the show is in the
hotel but on a different part they’re having a little
dance you had
to see this they were all holding hands little balloons
and the disco and it was very cute to see
but what the
story that a lot of people don’t know is
retarded guys boys are the strongest
motherfuckers in the
world that most perverted really
oh i’ve heard that
before todd
boy they go fucking nuts if you see them
if you show them your pussy
so listen to me we’re in the fucking comedy club and
often they switch it at 10 o’clock they
switch it to turn into a disco
and jody’s got a couple cocktails in it she
started dancing she got big titties at the time
and there’s this little retarded boy who
breaks away from the fucking pile
and goes into the
dance and he starts to look at jody
and you could see joe rogan
that he’s losing his fucking mind oh no
and finally he goes on when the
dance was starts dancing with
he started dancing with and he starts
grinding when the joey thinks it’s cute
and all of a sudden
they come in there like there he is there’s little
david and they come to grab and
david fucking snaps like one of
those fucking gorillas in the zoo
right now they had three black doormen
that were trying to tackle little timmy
little timmy was throwing them around like brock
lesnar throwing around fucking john fitch
just picked the
whole offensive line of the
giants couldn’t held his little retard down
three fucking
black gorillas and he’s just pushed him huh
andy dee dee
i’m not no no no he seen
those titties he went fucking ape shit
he’s pushing the counters came
down to throw them on the fucking
floor and put his hand
and then and then
he seen them titties he
was fucking a shit dog
whoa those little cards go fucking bananas when
you show them this little what cards
and it was just titty can you imagine if it was the
monkey who would have jump bro these
these this is the
university of eugene
these are big
black football players
they couldn’t control this little
twelve year old he was banging them
throwing them around like
he was only
twelve twelve or thirteen just
throwing these fucking
black guys around
and i never
forget that that they had to put them on the floor
handcuff them
shoot them tranquilize them
this little fucking poor
kid seen titties and he went fucking bananas bananas
that’s crazy
i wonder if
they’re just doing what everybody wants to do but just
doesn’t have the ball
they had they don’t have the walls that that to
break down yeah you know what i mean yeah
what if that’s what people like
instinctively want to do
you think like
that way yeah retards can’t be like
extra more horny right
no they probably not
extra horny
i put that fan of them
sweating like joe rogan’s
house without the electricity
you know i’m saying you’re killing me here whoo
bro this kid went fucking bananas he ripped that’s
scary cause
you can’t even beat them up
what do you do
you can’t drop a bomb on the
funny thing was that they
built like a wall at
first make a little map
they asked me to
leave and he was like the
built like the
black guys got
shoulder shoulder
right and he was
grabbing their
shoulders huh
wow i mean it was fucking
scary they don’t know they look bad
you know that’s one of the
weird things
about people that are retarded or down
syndrome or whatever
they don’t seem to know
you know they
just kind of are they just behave they don’t like girl
why am i so fucking
stupid you’re so smart
no they’re not like that
they’re just themselves
you know what i mean
it’s like that must be a strange strange existence
where you know that’s part of being dumb
is that you’re
too dumb to realize you’re dumb you know and if you
i’m not saying dumb like
they’re lazy like they have an
issue there’s a mental issue
mental imbalance
whatever the fuck it is but i mean
they’re impaired
but they’re
so impaired they don’t know they’re impaired
like they’ve
lost the ability to see that they’re impaired
you know what’s a strange
thing what if they all have an inner
voice that’s
completely normal
but they can’t take a to b
like you know what i mean
so the whole time they’re just like
i can’t believe how much they
treat me so horrible and i wish
i you know but they can’t
when they try to say it it’s like
no no no no no well
there’s probably a lot of that yeah i
think there’s a
bunch of different
types of you
know being fucked up
right you know for sure there’s that too
you know it’s not it’s not just simple as yeah amen
there’s some of there’s varying degrees
yeah there’s varying degrees
along the way that
are you know i mean it’s fucking
crazy thing man
to have your mind impaired you know and like
look our minds are impaired in
comparison i was
watching this fucking
twelve year old kid
his autistic kid with a hundred and
seventy iq doing
his take on the theory of relativity
and he’s writing out equations on this fucking window
and i’m watching this kid i’m like this kid
might as well be a fucking alien
alright i don’t know what he’s doing i have no idea
he’s explaining
this like this is all simple simple shit
when this is so far beyond my capacity
to him to this artistic kid i’m retarded
okay i am this guy who he has to
humor because i can’t
understand a fucking word or letter a single
part of his equation i don’t know what’s
going on up there
it’s chaos to me
but to him it’s so
clear it’s a language it’s like well
quite simply you have to move this and this becomes x
equals y equals to
we are the retards
to that kid
hmm you know maybe like
maybe like you know people with down
syndrome they feel bad with people don’t have down
syndrome maybe
it’s just like us we feel bad with people have autism
right my gosh
poor kids got
autism man he can’t engage in all the normal
emotional things that we do
meanwhile this
motherfuckers you know
counting to a billion in his head
while he’s talking to you
about how a
television is conduct constructed
you know maybe we’re retards to them
maybe you know they look at us and they go
these poor fucks
they can’t even do math in their head
they can’t see through walls
they can’t read people’s minds you know
well but some people are just
i had a kid in the eighth
grade his name is michael ala
greta sicilian kid
he had been
fresh off the boat in the fucking
sixth grade
by the eighth
grade this motherfucker
spoke three languages oh my god
i like to do
all that sicilian
shit but he picked up spanish
he picked up english
and i used to just sit and look
at him off you know i’m saying like he was such a cool
motherfucker that
i just wanted to hang
with him he was so and he was a nerd we used to play
when you when
we used to play hockey we hit him in the chins with the
with the hockey
stick and he go oh
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
so i would die he was
never gripped to the back with my dog michael alas and
he but this kid knew nothing when he came off a boat
january in the
sixth grade by the eighth
grade he knew
three fucking language he
would talk to me in spanish
talk to you in english
like nothing
and get a’s you know some people
work ethic too
some people just they have this insane work
ethic and people that get a chance to come to america
it’s so much different than being born in america
we don’t have any fucking idea
you live you know you’re living in fucking guatemala
or some shit you know
your opportunities are fucking few and far between
you know you’re
living in some
place that’s impoverished you’re kind of fucked man
but when you’re in america dude holy shit
so these guys you know
their family gets them together look we’re
gonna move to america one have a better life and
you realize you’re leaving
everything behind you’re putting all your fucking ship
and cargo planes and
you’re all sitting together crammed in coach and
you know eating
fruit out of your mom’s
purse and you know
just hoping that when you get there
things are gonna
be better and you don’t know anybody there and how
scary is this
so when those
motherfuckers get to
school they come out guns blazing
you know they
appreciate the fact that holy shit
i used to live in italy
now here i am in the land of the free the home of the
brave you know i’m in america and i’m in
school and i’m
learning english
and i’m just
gonna go fucking
crazy over here
they’re just so
happy and joe welkin
that’s the one half of it
because i didn’t
leave cuba crying when we
moved i woke up on 89th
street and riverside drive
i had all the fucking
things that a rich kid
would have right
and here i was walking
around this fucking city but i didn’t know english
and all you
wanna do in your
heart is just fit in
and you have no idea this is not
trying to fit in when you’re in grammar
school and you
should get a
tattoo or long hair
all you wanna know is
for them not to know that you came from somewhere else
i can’t describe it to you i can’t even fucking
start to tell you
like sometimes i have this
anger at me that’s
cause i i we
were so lucky
we were so lucky any
three of us
could have been born one of those
black kids and fucking haiti with
flies on you yeah any
three of us
and we have so many fucking opportunities
and sometimes i wake up in the
morning this really hits me sometimes i go how fucking
lucky am i that my
mother came here
and here i am sitting here smoking dope i
gotta go mug somebody
you know i’m saying like
think about that’s what an immigrant was like
you know i’m
telling you for a long time i’ve been writing this
thing and that’s how it
starts with it
did you know
i don’t remember anything i don’t remember the
plane ride from cube i remember nothing
all i remember is
crossing the fucking
street on eighty
ninth and broadway up to ps one c six
sixty six and
thinking to myself finally i’m
gonna be a fucking american
what does that mean
looking at that flag
really believe in something dog
it’s not just a
piece of fucking rag
looking at that flag and going
what the fuck
like looking at the wind blowing that flag and going
what the fuck
that flag is
the answer to all my fucking problem that’s the answer
right there
but even at that
age i knew my
mother was fucking crazy so
i knew i was in a full fledged american
but looking at that flag
when you look at that flag and you just come here
they have a
scene in the
beginning of scarface when they’re on the boat
and they finally
see land and they show the american flag
and the director
whoever the guy is brilliant enough to show
he showed it from a different
angle what that flag looks like it’s not just
we overlooked that flag
every fucking day
we overlooked that flag
you don’t know what it is to look at that flag when you
first come here
and to know that that’s your fucking that’s your
magic carpet
it’s the highest
ideal in the
world it’s the highest
ideal that’s why it’s
so infuriating when politicians are fucking corrupt
that’s why it’s so you know people say
you know why do you criticize
what america does overseas don’t you love america
yeah if you love it you want to tell the fucking
truth about what it’s doing
you know if you love it you’re supposed to
stand up and go what the fuck is
going on it’s like
you don’t love it by letting it get away with
stupid shit
because there’s some corrupt
cons at the wheel
that’s not it
doesn’t mean you don’t love the idea
of america i fucking love the idea of america for sure
always remember we only see the one side of that flag
we never see both sides together gentlemen
and that’s the point we
only see that one side of the flag
right now you’ve discussed that the cia is setting up
things in libya
what are they setting up they’re
starting a war they’re
starting business yeah
they’re getting
things going
that’s the other side of that flag that we’re
never able to see we
only see one
side he put a
mirror on the
other side of the flag you know
i’m saying that’s the one side of the flag that we have
since we accept this side of the flag
we gotta accept that side
yeah the only way that side
this side is possible
where it’s easy to
drive around
is if they’re doing all this creepy shit you
gotta bring
unless we bring the
whole world together in on everything
and that’s just not
gonna happen and we’ve done creepy
fucking shit as a
man they’re
gonna do creepy shit too and we
can’t trust them
you know you can’t
trust people to be cool
you know look the
natural instinct if someone can get into a position of
power is to be qaddafi
that’s the natural instinct
the natural instinct is to get botox when you’re eighty
have this big
stupid looking rubber face
wear goofy clothes
and just be running shit
even though you’re this old cunt
you know living in some fucking castle with billions of
dollars why is
he doing that job can you tell me why is he doing that
maybe we put that billions
of dollars for money
that side that flag is
money joe rogan that’s a lot of people
never had comprehend but
that’s the reality of it
stand up is a beautiful
thing to do
yeah some guys are brilliant
some guys aren’t doing the millionaires the other
four between the crack
the other side the
stand up it’s a business
yeah it really is
a fucking business guys and it’s like anything else the
other side of that flag
is a business guys
and the same way we want social security when we’re 65
our country has to do sell a couple kilos
every once in a while
to replenish
those fucking funds you know i’m saying
right and that’s
a side the american public don’t want to know
that’s the side that included kennedy
that’s the side that alex
jones talks about
whether it’s
true or not that’s the side we’re not supposed to see
we’re supposed to be
focused on the other side
on what that machine is supposed to mean to us and
for guys like
you and i i like looking behind the curtain but i don’t
i don’t because i grew up in a corrupt
hometown i seen what politics is
out of my new
level i can’t even
dream of what it is in the national fucking level when
i’m taking political contributions but i’m
gonna pass your fucking bill so you could
pass that law that’ll
make people’s hands grow back
but they’re also
gonna give him cancer in the eyeballs
that’s part of it
it grows when
i grew up in it when it was in the micro
process ice
now it’s in
the national
level of corruption is in a
macro process
and it starts with little
things and townships
where is a macro
smaller than my yeah
micro macro
a little high i’m
sorry guys but you
understand i know exactly what you’re saying yeah
it’s very interesting
corruption if not
checked grows it all just keeps getting
bigger it’s not like they go hey we got to cut the shit
i know we’ve been making millions of dollars on the
sneak tip but everybody’s
gotta stop right now
and i’m not kidding
why are you
still making money
these wikileak
things are pretty cool for the country i think
in general that’s why
these assholes
wanna put that guy in jail they
wanna say it compromises americans
no it doesn’t
he did exactly what the new york
times was supposed to do if they got that information
they should have
done that on
twitter though can you imagine if there was just
like this twitter address that everyone followed that
everyone well
they have no
tweet twitter by the way jfk
here’s pictures of jk
so and cocaine too well
dude wikileaks has a twitter and they really
should on twitter they released it on
twitter they released
some an article about how
different parts of
the american economy are
influenced by
genetically modified foods and how we are trying to
force them on
other countries and we’re
fucking with
other countries
if they don’t go into the genetically modified food
they don’t start growing like monsanto corn and
shit like that
you know these
giant companies are way too embedded into the political
system they’re not doing
stuff for the
greater good of people they’re doing
stuff for the profitability
of giant corporations that
moved them into position in the
first place
the whole thing has been corrupted
like to sit down and pretend
that that that it’s real
it’s insulting
it’s like a
it’s like a
stupid argument
it’s like people
argue about pro wrestling
you know it’s like what are you arguing
about this is a fake nonsense process
if you can’t
notice that from
obama obama’s
gonna pull all the
troop out of it
oh he’s not
obama won the nobel
peace prize
and then he sent 30 000 more fucking
troops to afghanistan
i mean come on man thank you
look at all the shit that he’s done to
allow these cunts to get away with
stealing all that fucking
money and that bailout
i watched that inside job movie
dude that shit is disgusting disgusting
it’s disgusting
how deep the corruption is the financial
the whole financial sector
it’s scary dude
they have the people that are regulators
eventually get jobs with the banks
like how the fuck
you’re telling
me you work as a guy who’s working for the sec
and you’re looking
into banks and corruption and shit like that
and then when you quit you get a job with the bank
how the fuck are you not in jail
how the fuck are you not in jail
you were the one
responsible
for looking over these
motherfuckers
while they were doing all sorts of
crazy shit betting on
things failing and
betting three times more than a business is worth and
speculatives and bedding
again fucking
forcing clients to buy shit they knew wasn’t good
like they did a lot of
crazy creepy shit and got away with it
and the only one who got popped is that bernie made off
those motherfuckers
should all be in jail
they should be a mass jailing
and they’re not they’re not jailing anybody
then it’s bullshit
then it’s all
bullshit it’s all bullshit that they’re not
you you gotta like hold them the most
accountable you can and it’s barely at all people’s
dreams people’s
dreams when you
steal people’s
dreams that’s the
worst thing in the fucking
world you sixty
three years
old also somebody calls you and says you’re not
gonna get your
your money at
sixty six to
sixty seven all that
money you put away
that happens
those guys a lot to
tap into a lot of fucking people people
sixty i just
watch them by the
month ago people
seventy one
getting part time fucking jobs now
the sixty nine
this fucking
movie showed
i believe it was
iceland how they went in and jack the icelandic economy
in like a couple of years
these banks went in and just fucking
just created bubbles and
started making
crazy money
spending in access
and then it all failed
and people are fucked
they had like the most
stable the most
normalized economy
like it was a beautiful economy
everything was running smooth
people were hard workers people got shit done
they lived a life of you know relative prosperity
now they’re fucked
everybody lost
everything everyone’s fucked
everyone’s pissed off do you
think that i
have in the
states i think it already has
there he has what is this bailout what is this
how do you how do
these people get money
when their banks failed
well they have
bonuses in their contract
bonuses how the fuck do you get a
bonus when the bank fails
like the idea
that you have to respect them and that they can’t lose
that’s just
it’s so corrupt
have you seen the
size of bonuses
millions and millions
of dollars and this is from banks
where we had to pay them
we gave them
money and they’re giving out money
either way if your bank fucking fails
you can’t get a bonus
you can’t get a
bonus i’m sorry
the bank fucking failed
do you take no
personal responsibility
like who takes responsibility
somebody and it shouldn’t be the guy that
stands to make a
bonus if the bank does well that
should be the guy who takes personal responsibility
so when the bank fucking fails
you don’t get your
bonus cunt face
it’s it it’s that simple
why why the fuck can’t the president say that
instead he’s like
we’re gonna you know load
limited to half a million dollars half a million
fucking dollars
for a bonus when your bank fails
what do you want
these motherfuckers are so not living in reality
and most people’s reality
these cunts cost
so many fucking people
their life savings
and they have to get their
bonuses in the
president’s like well we have to give it to him
what the fuck are you talking
about you have to give it to him
you can’t just step in go cut the shit
are you fucking
crazy no you can’t get
thirty million dollars
after your fucking bank fails
no in the middle of a
crazy downed economy where
billions of dollars from taxpayers
money been funneled to fucking banks
to keep them afloat
no you can’t get a
bonus fuckhead
you’re lucky you have a job you’re
lucky your head is attached to your fucking
shoulder not
gonna get in ninety fucking years yeah you’re
lucky you’re not in jail forever in haiti
can i ask you
a question have you followed what’s
going on the city of belle
bell was bell bell
california is a city that the fucking guys just jacked
what happened like the fuck you
gotta get up
early in the morning for this
cause they talk
about like ktla
it’s a city here
of bell off the six o five or something
and all the may everybody it was as corrupt as can be
they’ve been jacking millions
so if it’s at that city of bell
if the corruption is that deep the cops were having
ticket contests
really oh this is
every day on the news they come up with more
should the guy just got reindicted
this is old
school jersey shit like really school
where is bell
bell california
it’s i think like
more than 30 minutes from here so
really yeah
30 45 it’s close yeah
they just been having this shit in there
lately it’s a shit
store they all
they will all
steal it all five guys are
stealing big boys
i don’t understand how they feel like no one’s
gonna get caught
it’s like good
fucking trail
remember good fouls and
roberts you
know how to
start killing people because you’re
spending too much
money yeah that’s the same goddamn
thing man that was a
great scene wasn’t it
when you realize the guy
came in his wife had a fucking beautiful fur coat on
it’s like what the fuck are you doing
and then they
did they know they have to kill this guy and then this
photos of him and his wife shot in the car
what a great goddamn
movie that was on the other
night and i walked in the park with her at the
mother’s house
and they borrowing the knife
but you got to
think of that
whole scene they’re borrowing a
knife to stab this guy in the car
meanwhile while they’re eating the guys in the
trunk of the fucking car
yeah reading like it’s the fourth of july yeah
they’re eating eggs and
bread and fucking telling stories remember the
painting yeah
that is that
was for me such
that is such a sick fucking
movie right there it’s a
great movie
what do you want from me
there’s not that many of
those there’s very few of
those that ever get that good
you know there’s very few
movies that ever like hit that
that’s like a perfect movie
good fellas is like a perfect fucking movie
everything about it
especially when you see it 20 years later
when she was
screaming at ray liotta and he
starts laughing and runs away
cause gacked out of his fucking mind
she’s screaming at him and he’s laughing
and when they were packaging up the coke
and his girlfriend was getting pissed off
you know she’s got her just fucking
making coke for him now he was banging her on the side
still with his wife
and he’s got her packaging coke for him and then
you know he leaves
laughing and she fucking
throws the coke
at the door you remember that shit is the craziest
thing ever like i’m
sorry is the
craziest thing ever
when he gets to that scene
and i did coke for 30 years when he gets to that
scene and he snorts and he pops his head up
and his eyes dilate
right in front of the camera
that scene is why i turned the movie off
really it bothers
me to know when you know why bothers me because he
steals it though
he taps into the coke when he’s
standing there with his arms
watch it again when she’s
weighing it
and he’s standing there with his arms folded
how many times you seen with my arms fold that means
that means your potential energy you’re
ready to explode you can’t even take
watching that fill that bucket envelope
when he sees the fucking
the helicopter
and you know it’s behind you
the chitta chatter
they have that’s paranoid talk
why can’t we go to your
mother’s house
when they drop
the guns off you imagine joe what can we go to your
mother’s house and drop off guns
they had this chitta chat
when he gets out of jail and he’s feeling for the coke
and he comes
home he’s trying to tell her that he wants it for
money he wants to get high
i’ve been there
karen karen what you do it was what i was all we had
karen that whole to the chat
look at how high they are
he just passes up they just passed out
perfect yeah they just pass out from the
fucking side
that’s all we had
sixty thousand dollars
in the fucking
thing he had in the ceiling what i
wouldn’t have found it
great fucking
movie but it’s amazing when
he’s looking up at the helicopters and he’s driving
so fucking yes
yes when he’s in the car he
thought it was over
and he’s getting rid of guns
right wasn’t he yeah
you have no
idea what it is to get coked up in this little room
look out that window
by the blonde and
there’s like there’ll be a
what do you call
those things a fire hydrant uh huh
but it’s your mind that becomes a dog
could you imagine
if you got like osama
bin laden coked up
could you imagine
if you got someone someone like gaddafi
coked up right now
how paranoid he would be
they just go
like he probably does it
you think he does coke of course
you’re a fucking terrorist you’re probably fucking
fucking hookers
doing daffy’s not a terrorist
he’s a dick or
i mean let me know some
he’s but i mean
yeah he’s the same
thing there was a bad bad person
right enemy
bad person there was a guy called
carlos something
that was part of the meddling cartel in the 80s bad
motherfucker the one that was in charge of
bringing up all the blow he got so
crazy not an a deer
carlos yeah what’s his last name
he wasn’t a deer carlos
i don’t know yeah he was the one that did blow up i
might have made that
up blow was the guy on the island that he went to visit
johnny depp
the guy with the blue eyes right
we had the machine guns and shit this guy
his name is carlo
lay there yes it is laid
there lay there
carlos lay there
carlos laid there got his sentence reduced
he got like nine hundred years
knocked off a sentence he
still got fourteen hundred more to do
he’s the one that went
to the government and said no i gave for the envelopes
face to face
wow and carlos they did how they nailed them was
he was actually getting cameras like ryan does
setting them around a room
he get a plate
blow he sit there
naked with a towel on
and just do bumps and
every once in a
while he go like this a chicken coming suck his dick
smack about
he do more blow
he just tell poetry all day
and finally they got the
melanie cartel got
their hands
on this and they were like this can’t happen
get bush on the phone bush
we got something for you
right i’ll tell you
exactly where he is we’re
gonna email the tape to you
really that’s
the only cartel gave him up
really exactly yeah because they couldn’t take that
this guy was folding he’s making videos
of himself naked
sweating with his eyes this big
doing blow for
twenty four hour pops
fuck charlie sheen this guy is naked
doing bumps and
and you know saying talking
about la luna
you know stars in the mountains
and then he would go on and a
chick would come and suck his dick and he would like
shooter they would just
shoot around tape and they just keep
you see him pulled up by her
ankles and shit he’d be bleeding something
that he’d do more blowing i wish i was lying to you
this guy was killing people on tape doing blows just
sweat not eating for days oh
brilliant shit and then they
stick one of the million
cartel got this near like we can’t have this
wow they went and got him and brought him back they
still have those pictures of him on the plane
next to the marines
he’s just looking
around like what the fuck do i do he knew
exactly turn them in holy shit
did you see
you saw cocaine cowboys
right yeah you know that
woman what’s her name
zelda zelda she’s out
she’s back in columbia man
they get pictures
of her in columbia at the airport hanging out free
and this the
movie just detail
after detail how many people she had killed wow
that bitch the godmother i
think they called her griselda
she made so much money
hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars in coke
money man she was killing people left and
right they got this guy who’s her hitman
who’s in jail and they interview
him in jail and he’s just telling them
all the different times griselda
have made me
kill this guy so i had to go do some business
and i killed this guy how to do some business
and i said i
wouldn’t do that because they wanted me to do a
drive by and there was a baby in the car like whoa
it was fucking colombians they used to
shoot anything bro
this is a picture of you go on daily news
archives 1984
columbia family in brooklyn got
slaughtered
well the kid the room for the wake was fourteen
bodies and there was
twelve kids
oh my god they
sat the kids down
two to twelve and put bullets
in their fucking forehead oh my god the
pictures just they don’t show the
bodies but they show the funeral parlor
and just a roll of fucking
bodies these colombians
and over nothing this is in the
eighties when they were
shooting you over two dollars just to make that point
you know you always
fucking money will
shoot you that was the big
thing about them
right the columbians were
always thought to be the most like columbian necktie
they go cut
your fucking
throat out pull your tongue out
they wanted
they wanted an intimidation at the maximum
get out of the fucking
savages that’s
right next door to us buddy
that’s that’s just like what’s
going on in mexico
that’s happening
right now in a bigger even bigger scale you
know because the colombians even though they had like
they were selling drugs and they were
bringing drugs in
they weren’t getting that much resistance from
their government
you know i mean
it was kind of corrupt the government was part
of their action
yeah it was kind of corrupt but in mexico it’s
not the same man mexico they get a lot of resistance
but it doesn’t matter they’re
still doing it they’re
still doing it so it’s scarier because it’s more like
it’s more militaristic you know
what’s the expression in spanish
blu mo blow mo or plata
that’s the expression bro
that’s a silver of cash
that’s a finish from the rubber guard blow mo or plata
no this call either bullets or money
which one did you show up which ones bullets
blow more plum
oh is bullets yeah block that is cash is cash so
they just show up at your
house put a gun there with an envelope
blow more platter that should be a new rap song
which one you want to choose
your call bitch that’s how they would go
that’s it this
poor fucking girl who was
remember that girl was trying to be a sheriff
in some town and near juarez
remember that shit she was 20 years old
there’s a big
story because this
college girl
decides she’s gonna fucking get
a job as a sheriff and try to clean up the town
within months this poor girl is trying to seek
asylum in america
because they’re trying to kill her i’ll
slice your fucking
throat i’ll
cut you up a little you’re either in or you’re out
no there’s no coming back there’s no no
no that’s a different society this isn’t
terrifying man this isn’t
it’s terrifying shit you know it’s terrifying that
it’s terrifying that we’re not doing anything
about it but yet we’re fucking around in libya
hey bro 1984
december 12th 1984 i was minding my business or 83
i was minding
my business at snowman’s village i didn’t know nothing
about nothing i was just
snorting coke and
going to school at
night and i just had an electrician’s job
and i heard this baboom
and i didn’t know what happened i just went to bed
the next day they
would tell me a
story about this drug deal
named stephen gray bow
he got in a fucking car went to
start it up
they put a bomb on there’s fucking car and aspen
colorado damn some
white dude and i
asked around and then the
papers he was
about to go on
trial for tax evasion
a jewish guy
that was in with the columbia
crazy you don’t want to be here
you want to be in the mountains
Montana yeah not even
Colorado anymore it’s too many fucking momos and
the fucking
money came in the fake fucking
money and what the hillbillies out
the real motherfuckers that you needed
in case you gotta go like Woody
Creek to find those people like you gotta go
woody Creek is that still fucking amateurs to really
bunch of fucking boozes up there you really
you got to go deep
deep in the mountains of Gunnison and shit like that
find those crazy
gunderson gunnison
Brian you got your volume on
we’re echoing
gunnison gunderson gunnison
where’s that
that’s down south
what do you think
about all that shit
about the Denver airport do you know anything
about the conspiracy
behind the Denver airport what is it no
the Denver airport
first of all they
moved way more dirt than they needed to
and so there’s this
all this thought that there’s some sort of subterranean
tunnel system
it’s all based on the end of the
world shelters
they fucked
up staple to the airport was a brilliant airport
it was like
Burbank you could
smuggle a fucking dead fucking
kilo coke in
there nobody said nothing
and all of a
sudden they came up with a bright idea
let’s fucking make an airport
90 miles farther out by Kansas
so when it snows we really get fucking buried
we have no protection
that’s a bunch of cowboys bro making decisions and
trust me they’re too
stupid to even know what a conspiracy theory is well
the people that built it
maybe but if the government was really
truly behind it like all
these people think
what it is is that they
made an airport there
but in constructing the airport they also
built some sort of
underground safeguard
stronghold there
so there’s got to be some kinky yeah
well you know if it’s
close I mean that
would be a move right no
resin airport and then
build some shelters I mean that airport is bike
fucking Kansas when you
watch Kansas
there ain’t
dick out there that’s what they call it the airport
it was easy man when I
lived in Denver or in Boulder
it was easy to
drive there how
often to drive fucking hour nothing
never any traffic
be 25 minutes
here’s the deal though bro
there’s no traffic out that don’t matter used to be
25 minutes with no traffic
on some fucking tunes
crack the window a little bit
they built this
monster to spend
money yeah they
built this monster
this monster to
to just you
know like when I went to fucking Newark to see the
fights with you
they we did Newark they
built the soccer stadium
right fucking soccer stadium and newer
they’re spending
money left and
right but they
still can’t put a left hand turning signal
so if you got to make a left
29 fucking miles of people got
well they’re trying to keep up
their reputation as the car Jack capital of the
world and if you
got like some left turn signals you got some outlook
people can escape
can escape the
drama fucking
amazing that’s the
thing about that it’s like
you know they
think that’s
there’s something really
going on inside that Denver airport there’s all
these documentaries
dedicated to it
and one of the reasons for it is because
there’s these
crazy murals that they’re
painted up in the Denver airport
and they’re really disturbing man
they’re apocalyptic
like one guy’s got a fucking gas mask on
with a giant
sword and there’s like
pictures of children and coffins and there’s
in the background have you ever seen that shit yeah but
yeah we’ve actually talked
about it on this podcast before we
did yeah but do you
think that has anything to do with
with that and they
keep putting the 2
together I don’t
think that it does
definitely but
it’s interesting
you know I mean I’ll have opinion
one way or another I’ve listened to the people talk
about how it’s some great
escape base and then
2012 there’s gonna be
you know fucking
asteroids gonna hit that they’re
tracking it’s
gonna kill everybody
except the people that are in this
underground bunker
I don’t know man
I watch the TV show on
those dudes
those dudes that have
they’ve bought like
fucking condos
out in these
shelters out in like
Death Valley and shit
have you seen those
people have
space in Death Valley and so they have
a condo inside this
underground bunker
thing it’s out in the middle of fucking nowhere
you have to
drive and you go out there
and they had
these shows I forget who was the host of the show
but they took you on a tour
of these fucking but
might have been
Jesse Ventura
no it wasn’t him
because they had a
sense of humor but
whoever it was was like really
and they take on his fucking tour of these
underground bunkers that they have set up
where they can survive a fucking nuclear bomb
I mean these guys are like
half a mile deep in the fucking
earth so you survived the bomb now it’s you and
8 fucking Momo
8 assholes looking at each
other listen
just live your fucking life
these people that dig into that shit and
just live your fucking life
we get hit by a bomb the best
thing you could do is move on to the fucking next life
pray to God it’ll be fucking better you hear
that Doors music dude yeah
what the fuck is
wrong with people
I’m gonna live in a bucket you imagine
being living
your life consumer what happened when the bomb drops
at the 1960
those people that shit wore off
in the 60s they all
moved into buildings with
underground drops
with little fucking
sandwiches that’s how Tang was fucking invention
where did they invent the time for
so when we go in that fucking
tunnel of doom
and after the Russians fuck everybody in the ass
we could come out
where we got
Vitamin C from the fucking Tang that’s what Tang
was invented for
but guess what
our fears aren’t the Russians anymore
it’s a lot bigger than that and whatever’s
gonna hit now
right now there’s a
thing going on in Japan
well we don’t fucking know they’re
lying to the people just like
everything else
they’re lying a 20 mile radius that shit’s horrible
that shit is horrible radiation is fucking horrible
and the best is all
these people are raising
their hands now
we have radiation in Key West don’t
blame it on fucking
Japan don’t
blame it on
Japan now that’s not
japan’s for you guys fed radiation on your own
you greasy motherfuckers down there off the
coast of Florida
you filthy cocksuckers
now you wanna
blame on the poor fucking Japs they’re
walking around with fucking Mask and
his radiation in Florida that’s primarily
poked up whores
jerking guys off
creating heat in the air
sperm that they put in the fucking beach
during CSI Miami
see all these
chicks Brazilian
jumping up and down with that ass
that’s what that fucking is
pussy fucking
nasty radiation but there’s something
extra dirty
about porn that you get from
Miami you ever
watch porn from Miami
yeah cause it’s almost
like they’re like retarded people fucking yeah you know
I mean and they’re always oiled up to yeah oil dropping
and just something
about it like you can’t relate it’s hard to even jerk
off trouble Joe Rogan
never mind the Martians and what’s
going on we’re
fucking trouble
this thing in
Japan is a lot
worse than what they’re saying
you think so fuck yeah
what makes you say this
just I just know our society and then
scares wait till
those fucking Japanese
start coming out with 6 fucking eyes and she don’t know
which ones looking at you
then they’re
gonna say what is that better so you can see better
maybe you know
maybe that’s
2012 that’ll
be our next mutation
an adaptation to radiation
this is not
are there any animals besides
roaches that are really good with radiation
roaches is supposed to be the best at it right
yeah you guys
live through anything but is that is that even
is that even just like
a wild tale yeah I don’t know
someone should do us a
favor now we know that the
Japan is fucked
send a box of
cockroaches over there with a webcam on it
let’s see what’s up
you know if you love America go over there and do that
stupid fucking
water all that soil
and they don’t know what the fuck’s going on
you know what now
besides that were all
spread out were in Libya
were in this fucking plan what the fuck are you
crazy are you fucking crazy
these guys are just sitting there waiting it’s like
it’s like you’re just waiting for us to wear out before
before you focus in there yeah
what’s that
guy we’ve been looking for for 11 years something like
he’s just sitting there
going all we got him now
this spread out like
motherfuckers
we’ll just light a fire
in Kansas CNN
Breaking News I get CNN
Breaking News
sent to my phone holla
US intelligence
source CIA is operating inside Libya
to help us increase military and political
understanding
what that means somebody’s
about to get Jack
bitch what kind
of horse shit
quote is that
oh the CIA is there to increase military and political
understanding
no this is what we want you to do do you understand
okay here’s the political
understanding
we got the bombs
bitch okay we got fucking robots
that we can operate from Nevada
okay you don’t even see them cause they
blend in with the sky
and they don’t make any
noise cause they’re fucking
solar powered
and they can contain
Hellfire missiles
hellfire that’s what I decided to name them
not you know
the Beautiful Flower missile or
Lick My Asshole missile
no hellfire
hellfire missiles and they’re
shooting them from another fucking part of the world
imagine the lag they have
they must have to really like plan a shot in advance
like just like playing
Quake Online when you got lag if you have like a 56k
connection and there’s some asshole you’re playing
against you got a
cable modem
you know he gets to move
quicker than you because his downtime is pain time
between connecting to the server and back is much
quicker so you’re fucked
so these guys must have like super lag
listen dog in 1985 we went to see Rambo
to and that
motherfucker took an
arrow out on the explosive at the end
and when he shot it all of us lost our
mind nobody like the
black people
black people love
arrows with explosives
I’ve seen that
movie on the 78th
street I’ve never seen
black people go
crazy in my life when Rambo came
out of the mud and his eyes opened up and choked the
motherfucker
black people went bananas
they’re like yelling we
should have thought of that what is it
about black dudes
they love watching martial arts
love it they love anything
special like a dude doing some
crazy shit like
oh that motherfucker got a gun in his shoe
check that shit out
there’s something
about it dude pulls his shoe off and
guns down the bad guy like oh shit no he didn’t
what is that what is it
they’re just very
vocal they’re excited
the best thing
about this is that was 20 years ago
the shit we got now as bombs and
stuff is off the
oh a lot of charts we got a bomb that comes
out as a car that follows you to the gas station bro
and while you’re pumping gas
it turns into a bomb a guy pops on taps your shoulder
says goodbye
that’s the shit we got
we got shit that comes to your
house dressed up like a cake
happy birthday
and when you go to
block the candles
it just fucking blows up we got some shit now
you know what I saw that was really
crazy they got this rover
this remote controlled
drone rover that’s moving around
that can jump in the air
it gets up to a fence
and I thinking go like
8 or 9ft in the fucking air wow and
it moves up to the fence and then it just goes doink
and flies through the air and lands in the side
and it looks like it
basically looks like like some sort of a flat box
you know where all the
electronics is
with like 2 tractor 2 rubber tractor
things on the side of it I guess
and the fucking
thing flies through the air
I mean what
what’s next
you know that’s the
other thing that
people are thinking
about a lot of the shit that’s
going down in Afghanistan
a lot of the shit that’s
going down in the Middle East period
is that the CIA
he’s got all kinds of shit
going on all kinds of little kinds of little
drones and explosives
blowing up in convenient spots to
spark anger and
you know that’s what they do like that’s what they do
spark war and get you know
they’ve always
done that and with the bottom line of this what do you
think is really
going on they figured
some Libyan doctor
figure out a way how to grow 50 kilos of
heroin in your bathtub
in the United States find
out that Jack that
motherfucker
kadafi’s got an army of
motherfuckers around this
guy with missiles and explosives but the United States
is jacking this guy’s got something to do with H
it’s got something
to do with fucking why we’re over there in the fucking
first place
the whole nucleus of this
thing people are
dying in Detroit from heroin
yeah this fucking war and we’re
still now we’re
gonna take over Libya
boxes of money
bro isn’t it amazing how many people who
think you’re
crazy when you
start talking
about the fact they’re in Afghanistan for heroin
people go what are you talking about
they’ll look at you like you just fucking
just ate a bowl of shit they’re looking
like you all you’re
ridiculous person
yeah we’re at war for heroin
where do you
think that money is
going man where’s that
money going
what is you know much
money we’re talking
about they can ignore that you’re fucking
crazy we want
to take over a country so we can eat better
gyros that’s what you’re telling me gyro
go fuck yourself
we’re taking over a country so we can take
over that fucking loot dog
yeah that’s the bottom line
it’s a lot of
bottom line there’s all
sorts of loot over there
and there’s all sorts of loot in Libya too I mean it’s
is it a fucking coincidence
that for whatever reason we decide to attack Libya
instead of going to Mexico
and straighten out that bullshit
that’s right next
door but all mexico’s got burritos
burritos and hookers and donkeys and
tequila there’s not a lot of shit to offer
Mexicans getting
ready though
but listen got some
crazy motherfuckers down there
well they gotta
clean up their problem they got a big problem and
it’s because of the United States it’s a big part of it
they wanted to make
everything legal
they wanted to
you know they did you know that
here’s a little known fact
Mexico has decriminalized everything
small amounts when you’re not selling it
everything’s
legal now you
could get acid in Mexico
you can get mushrooms in Mexico they
decriminalize everything
just because they had to allocate resources to
fight these fucking drug lords
I mean that’s a
that’s a gone country that country’s gone the country
doesn’t have a government anymore it’s
right next door
right next door
right next door
right next door the fucking
drug army is it’s like
going to war with someone who lives in your country
it’s like if we were
fighting Al
Qaeda but Al Qaeda had billions of dollars
and was way more armed and
they were living here
that’s what it’s like
that’s what it’s like being a
fucking cop
in Mexico here’s the
crazy thing Mexico
is coming back to get what’s
theirs bitch
California Texas
rock you can’t take
Texas it’s not
gonna happen
you can’t take
even the Mexicans will they go around
Texas and Jack Wyoming
Jack Dallas
Dallas our cannon
shit they’ll give them a beat no
you can’t the outskirts of
Texas they’ll come out of
their hunting
blinds and kill you
I don’t have a
chance he already
lives there
ted Nugent lives in Waco now yeah you can’t fuck with
Texas fuck yeah he does
he’s got a high fence I’ve always admired
I think he’s a retard
but I think he does a lot of
things that I really
agree with and one of the
things that I
agree with is
when he lived in Michigan he had this badass compound
wheel at 2 000 acres or something like that
and it was all fenced in
and he had all
these animals
living inside his compound and he
would just go and Jack em
and that’s where he got all his food from
he got all his food from hunting on his own property
and I’m like
god damn it that’s fucking brilliant that’s how I
wanna live I
would love to live like that just eat what you hunt
yeah that’s one of the reasons why I was into
moving to Colorado
one of the reasons why I was up there was like
look at the shit hits the fan
living in the woods you
know there’s a lot of animals out here in the spring
water that comes out
and fucking
shooting a pig
yeah cook them in a fucking cave with your kids and
a cave just giving them all fucking
silverware and living in a tent with fucking heaters
the shit ever
went down and got kinky can you imagine that kinky
kinky dog kinky
shit gets kinky dog in that game
with my you
motherfuckers
so I’m excited
about Oregon oregon’s one of
those yeah we’re
gonna have a good fucking time oregon’s one of those
states that’s
been on the grid for years but nobody knew
about they kept it hush hush
used to get
some good weed in Oregon 15 fucking years ago yeah
pass Ashland
Eugene Bend oregon’s a hippie fucking
foundation over there but portland’s a pretty hippie
place too is very hippie
place up there girls have
dirty feet yeah
they have dirty feet
gotta make them
put cut socks on
fuck socks and
put socks on and
don’t breathe in my mouth
Portland was the
place that I went to last year
and we were at
trying to find the most
attractive person in a Costco
for like 1/2 hour meeting the girl I was with
who would you fuck yeah and we couldn’t find anyone so
Costco though dude go to a Costco and Burbank
again with a
bunch of cripples
there too I know but that’s a packed Costco I
can find one string
you need to go to a better places
so there’s a
smaller amount
smaller amount of people you’d want to fuck up
that’s okay dude
you’re gonna be okay
I’ll be okay
gotta live somewhere
if this place falls apart
then I went to the there’s too many
humans here
no there’s too many
yeah but we keep on saying that but we’re
not doing anything
about it I did
I did I fucking
moved man the only reason
why I came back is because Mrs Rogan got pregnant
because the dog got
eaten by a mountain
yeah it wasn’t for that suburb
that’s my next move
what are you talking about
it’s not like I’m already talking to real estate
agents oh snap
you don’t know she’ll let you talk all that nonsense
this is the
move the move is you go and you get a summer place
and you try it out and live there for a summer then it
becomes like
be super nice
while you’re there so it becomes all nostalgic you
know so I just
every time we’re there I’ll just
bring home flowers
and shit and
then we come back to LA
and then it’s all
jiu jitsu and loud
music and too much pot smoke so
la’s negative
yeah daddy’s
crazy in LA
daddy just wants to
fight and smoke
pot and he’s walking around naked no
in Colorado
daddy wants to go get ice cream
and daddy’s
bringing flowers home see
you just train them bro is the problem you
got blowing
farts on earlier I
love you to
death I love you to death
here’s the problem Joe roland’s got
Joe rogan’s got a great wife
and Joe Rogan I went to his home last week
and that was one of the
first times that Mrs Rogan was home a couple times
so I’ve been up there
like 4 times Mrs Rogan likes to rock the house Mrs
Roland don’t like to sit at home
and the problem is all
up where you live now all you
gotta do is go down the hill and she get the
party started
where you put it before
motherfucker that’s a witness
relocation plan
she had to drive 90
miles before she even seen a denny’s dog
it was another 20
miles she was from All Weapon Boulder
the first mall that she cares
about is Cherry fucking Creek
you know I’m saying so you had a 2
floors at Denver
yeah you had too far away from the mall
you gotta keep a closer to the mall
you had a 90 fucking
miles dog and I
slipped on the you know what I love
the most the
head up there
what I love the most living up there was that
there was a
small amount of people man
boulders only got 100 000 plus people not that much man
and people are friendlier like that there’s
a more relaxed vibe and I
think that shit is healthy
think there’s something
exciting about living in a big city
especially if you’re
you know you’re involved in the hustle and bustle
and you’re really trying to make something happen and
you know I don’t know I can’t
believe that
if you got the
voice you probably get
married again
after a week you dumb
fuck you talking a real to get
are you really talking to a realtor
is gonna shut that
party out you
gotta figure out a way to get a fucking car for her
to the mall
where the action I
could do that don’t worry
about that you
gotta move a little closer
that was too yeah
a little close and you just need to move to
Texas Texas is
cool this is the answer
I like Austin
I’m a big fan of that Austin
Texas I’ll tell you that I’d live there
if I was gonna live but
more land still weed is not
legal there
the thing about
Colorado was just like
California you
could just go rock weed
everywhere and
people moved to Austin
no not yet not yet
the shit hits the fan anything can happen you know when
the shit hits a fan then everybody gets scared then you
start making
survival choices anyway you can live in
Kansas you know you’d rather be healthy in
Kansas you know but
the weed stores in
Colorado are just like out here bro it’s just out there
everywhere there’s one
place in Denver
where there’s fucking
7 of them on a
street Bing
Bing Bing Bing Bing
is it easier to get a
license though the
same same deal
I get headaches
okay bang prescription son I didn’t
know it was like we don’t want you to have a headache
20 minutes away from me when I was
shooting that
movie yeah right
in the mountains they had
nice like a doctor oh yeah there’s a
place that I
used to go to in the mountains it was like a gift shop
and they were
doing they were struggling they were doing terrible
and you know the fucking they were
about to lose
their business
and then they
started selling weed in the back of the gift shop
legal they got a
legal license
boom now they’re balling
now they’re
about to open
their one place they open up in Boulder is
supposedly I don’t know if it’s open yet
but they were talking
about it was
gonna be 30,000 square feet it was
gonna be 3 floors
I don’t know if they went through with it I need to
find out if they did yeah because that’s just the most
ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard
that’s a goddamn
shopping in the Walmart
yeah a Walmart of weed yeah
but they had
great spots there man they had
great spots we can get weed
I got some fucking weed
2 days ago in Hollywood it’s 31% THC
you don’t even this day
even necessary
what time was it
again it’s Matt oh
I’ve been smoking mat since 2006
and you got to figure that
every year gets a little
strong it’s that trade
week they pay this girl
I forgot to
bring a But
it looks like one of the Martians from Independence Day
you can see the sativa
and liquor growing around it
it’s like a hybrid fucking beautiful
what if I tell you I have a joint of that right now
why we give it to you
huh no I went and got it no you didn’t yeah I did
go get that shit son
do you really have some
what’s it called
max number one OG
bring it back and
spark it kid oh that shit is fucking
strong yeah I had to go to the gym but I
was fucked up
sounds good dogs
like Oregon is
gonna be fun last time we
have our time
I went to Eugene Oregon with Jody Ferdy
and we had a Saturday
night there for a one
night at for Triple
but was the same
night that there was a convention for like the
American Association
of Retarded Children I don’t want to say it wrong
but it was like the children that you know
Special Olympics
right and they had a lot
of little retarded kids running around so when I go to
check in I’m high as a
motherfucker
there’s all
these kids with balloons
and and I’m just
freaking cause Oregon
got some deep weed
you know I’m saying
right right
right we got some at the gas station
Brian you gonna love this shit so I got a lighter
we check into the
hotel in Eugene and Joe this is not 10
or 15 of them
this is 600 children
you know Special Olympics
200 retarded ones and
their parents
well so I go to my room you know we
small we do the show
the show is in the
hotel but on a different part they having a little
dance you had
to see this they were all holding hands little balloons
and the disco and it was very cute to see
but if a lot with the
story that a lot of people don’t know is
retarded guys boys are the
strongest motherfuckers in the
world that most perverted
really oh I’ve
heard that before like
a retarded boy they go fucking nuts if you see them
if you show them your pussy
so listen to me we’re in the fucking comedy club and
often they switch it at 10 o’clock they
switch it to turn into a disco
and jody’s got a couple cocktails in it she
started dancing she got big titties at the time
and there’s this little retarded boy who
breaks away from the fucking pile
and goes into the dance and he starts to look at Jody
and you could see Joe Rogan
that he’s losing his fucking mind oh no
and finally he goes I want to
dance with starts dancing with
but he started to answer with and he starts
grinding when the Joey thinks it’s cute
and all of a sudden
they come in there like there he is there’s little
David and they come to grab and
David fucking snaps like one of
those fucking gorillas in the zoo
right now they had 3 black doormen
that were trying to tackle little Timmy
little Timmy was throwing them around like Brock
Lesnar throwing around fucking John Fitch
just picked the whole offensive line of the
Giants couldn’t held this little retard down
3 fucking black gorillas and he just pushed them on
and they did they
are they did the
no no no no he seen
those titties he went fucking apeshit
he’s pushing the counters came
down to throw them on the fucking
floor and put his hand
and then and
then he seen them titties
you were fucking ape shit dog
whoa those little cards go fucking bananas when
you show them this little what cards
and it was just titty can you imagine if it was the
monkey who would have jump
bro these these
this is the University of Eugene
these are big
black football players
they couldn’t control this little
12 year old he was banging them
throwing them around like
it was only
1212 or 13 just
throwing these fucking
black guys around
and I never
forget that that they had to put them on the floor
handcuff them
shoot them tranquilize them
this little fucking poor
kid seen titties and he went fucking bananas bananas
that’s crazy
I wonder if
they’re just doing what everybody wants to do but just
doesn’t have the
ball the wall they had they don’t have the walls that
that to break down yeah you know what I mean yeah
what if that’s what people like
instinctively want to do
you think like
that way yeah retards can’t be like
extra more horny right
no they probably not
extra horny
I put that fan on them
sweating like Joe rogan’s
house without the electricity and I’m saying
you killing me here woo
bro this kid went fucking bananas he ripped that’s
Jerry you can’t even beat them up
what do you do
you can’t drop a bomb on a
funny thing was that they
built like a wall at
first when they
threw him out
first they asked him to
leave and he was like they
built like the
guys got shoulder
shoulder right and he was
grabbing their
shoulders huh
whoa I mean it was fucking
scary they don’t know they look bad
you know that’s one of the
weird things
about people that are retarded or Down
syndrome or whatever
you don’t seem to know
you know they just kind of are they
just behave they don’t like God
why am I so fucking
stupid you’re so smart
no they’re not like that
they’re just themselves
you know what I mean
it’s like that must be a strange strange existence
where you know that’s part of being dumb
is that you’re
too dumb to realize you’re dumb you know and if you
I’m not saying dumb like
they’re lazy like they have an
issue there’s a mental issues
a mental imbalance
whatever the fuck it is but I mean
they’re impaired
but they’re
so impaired they don’t know they’re impaired
like they’ve
lost the ability to see that they’re impaired
you know what’s a strange
thing what if they all have an
inner voice
that’s completely normal
but they can’t take A to B
you know you know what I mean
so the whole time they’re just like
I can’t believe how much they
treat me so
horrible and I wish I You know but they can’t
when they try to say it it’s like
murmur from
Tater Tots well
there’s probably
now though there’s probably a lot of that yeah I
think there’s a
bunch of different
types of you
know being fucked up
right you know for sure there’s that too
you know it’s not it’s not just simple as you know
there’s some of there’s varying degrees
yeah there’s varying degrees
along the way that are you know means fucking
crazy thing man
to have your mind impaired you know and like
look our minds are impaired in
comparison I was
watching this fucking
12 year old kid
his autistic kid with a hundred and
70 IQ doing
his take on the theory of relativity
and he’s writing out equations on this fucking window
and I’m watching this kid I’m like this kid
might as well be a fucking alien
alright I don’t know what he’s doing I have no idea
he’s explaining
this like this is all simple simple shit
when this is so far beyond my capacity
to him to this artistic kid I’m retarded
okay I am this guy who he has to
humor because I can’t
understand a fucking word or letter
a single part of his equation I don’t know what’s
going on up there
it’s chaos to me
but to him it’s so
clear it’s a language it’s like well
quite simply you have to move this and this becomes X
equals Y equals to
we are the retards
to that kid
hmm you know maybe like
maybe like you know people with Down
syndrome they feel bad with people don’t have Down
syndrome maybe
it’s just like us we feel bad with people have autism
right my gosh
poor kids got
autism man he can’t engage in all the normal
emotional things that we do meanwhile this
motherfuckers
you know count
counting to a billion in his head
while he’s talking to you
about how a
television is
constructed
you know maybe we’re retards to them
maybe you know they look at us and they go
these poor fucks
they can’t even do math in
their head they don’t
they can’t see through walls
they can’t read people’s minds you know
well but some people are just
I had a kid in the 8th graders name is Michael ala
Greta Sicilian kid
he had been
fresh off the boat in the fucking 6th grade
by the 8th grade this
motherfucker
spoke 3 languages oh my God
I like to go do
these all that Sicilian
ship he picked up Spanish
he picked up English
and I used to just sit and look
at him off you know I’m saying like he was such a cool
motherfucker that
I just wanted to hang
with him he was so and he was a nerd we used to play
when you when
we used to play hockey we hit him in the chins with the
with the hockey
stick and he go oh yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
so I would die
he was an immigrant
to the back with my dog Michael alas and
he but this kid knew nothing when he came off a boat
January in the
6th grade by the 8th
grade he knew
3 fucking language he
would talk to me in Spanish
talk to you in English like nothing
and get a’s you know some people it’s
work ethic too
some people just they have this insane work
ethic and people that get a chance to come to America
so much different than being born in America
we don’t have any fucking idea
you live you know you’re living in fucking Guatemala
or some shit you know
your your opportunities are fucking few and far between
you know you’re living in some
place that’s impoverished
you’re kind of fucked man
but when you’re in America dude holy shit
so these guys you know
their family gets them together look we’re
gonna move to America one have a better life and
you realize you’re leaving
everything behind you’re putting all your fucking ship
and cargo planes and
you’re all sitting together crammed in
coach and eating
fruit out of your mom’s
purse and just
hoping that when you get there
things are gonna
be better and you don’t know anybody there and how
scary is this
so when those
motherfuckers get to
school they come out guns blazing
you know they
appreciate the fact that holy shit
I used to live in Italy
now here I am in the land of the free the home of the
brave you know I’m in America and I’m in
school and I’m
learning English
and I’m just
gonna go fucking
crazy over here
they’re just so
happy and Joe Rogan that’s the 1/2 of it
because I didn’t
leave Cuba crying when we
moved I woke up on 89th
Street and Riverside Drive
I had all the fucking
things that a rich kid
would have right
and here I was walking
around this fucking city but I didn’t know English
and all you
wanna do in your
heart is just fit in
and you have no idea this is not
trying to fit in when you’re in grammar
school and you
should get a
tattoo or long hair
all you wanna know is
for them not to know that you came from somewhere else
I can’t describe it to you I can’t even fucking
start to tell you
like sometimes I have this
anger at me and it’s
cause I I we
were so lucky
we were so lucky any 3 of us
could have been born one of
those black kids and fucking Haiti with
flies on you yeah any 3 of us
and we have so many fucking opportunities
and sometimes I wake up in the
morning this really hits me sometimes I go how fucking
lucky am I that my
mother came here
and here I am sitting here smoking dope
I gotta go mug somebody
you know I’m saying like
think about that’s what an immigrant was like
you know I’m
telling you for a long time I’ve been writing this
thing and that’s how it
starts with it
you know I don’t remember anything I don’t remember the
plane right from Cube I remember nothing
all I remember is
crossing the fucking street
on 89th and
Broadway up to PS One C 6 66
and thinking to myself finally I’m
gonna be a fucking American
what does that mean
looking at that flag
really believe in something dog
it’s not just a
piece of fucking rag
looking at that flag and going
What the fuck
like looking at the wind blowing that flag and going
What the fuck
that flag is
the answer to all my fucking problem that’s the answer
right there
but even at that
age I knew my
mother was fucking crazy so
I knew I was
in the full fledged American but looking at that flag
when you look at that flag and you just come here
they have a
scene in the
beginning of Scarface when they’re on the boat
and they finally
see land and they show the American flag
and the director
whoever the guy is brilliant enough to show
he showed it from a different
angle what that flag looks like it’s not just
we overlooked that flag
every fucking day
we overlooked that flag
you don’t know what it is to look at that flag when you
first come here
and to know that that’s your fucking that’s your
magic carpet
it’s the highest
ideal in the
world it’s the highest
ideal that’s why it’s
so infuriating when politicians are fucking corrupt
that’s why it’s so you know people say
you know why do you criticize
what America does overseas don’t you love America
yeah if you love it you want to tell the fucking
truth about what it’s doing
you know if you love it you’re supposed to
stand up and go what the fuck is
going on it’s like
you don’t love it by letting it get away with
stupid shit
because there’s some corrupt
content the
wheel that’s not
doesn’t mean you don’t love the idea
of America I fucking love the idea of America for sure
always remember we only see the one side of that flag
we never see both sides together gentlemen
and that’s the point we
only see that one side of the flag
right now you discuss that the CIA is setting up
things in Libya
when are they setting up they’re
starting the war they’re
starting business yeah
they’re getting
things going
that’s the other side of that flag that we’re
never able to see we only
see once you
put a mirror on the
other side of the flag you know
I’m saying that’s the one side of the flag that we have
since we accept this side of the flag
we gotta accept that side
yeah the only way that side
this side is possible
where it’s easy to
drive around
is if they’re doing all this creepy shit you
gotta bring
unless we bring the whole
world together in on everything
and that’s just not
gonna happen and we’ve done creepy fucking shit
and they’re
gonna do creepy shit too and
we can’t trust them
you know you can’t
trust people to be cool
you know look the
natural instinct if someone can get into a position of
power is to be qaddafi
that’s the natural instinct
the natural instinct is to get Botox when you’re 80
have this big
stupid looking rubber face
wear goofy clothes
and just be running shit
even though you’re this old cunt
living in some fucking castle with billions of
dollars why is
he doing that job can you tell me why is he doing that
maybe we put that billions of
dollars for
money that side
that flag is
money Joe Rogan
that’s a lot of people
never had comprehend that
that’s the reality of it
stand up is a beautiful
thing to do
yeah some guys are brilliant
some guys aren’t doing the millionaires the
other 4 between the crack
the other side the
stand up it’s a business
yeah it really is
a fucking business guys and it’s like anything else the
other side of that flag
is a business guys
and the same way we want Social Security when we’re 65
our country has to do sell a couple kilos
every once in a while
to replenish
those fucking funds you know what I’m saying
and that’s a side the American public don’t wanna know
that’s the side that included Kennedy
that’s the side that Alex
Jones talks about
whether it’s
true or not that’s the side we’re not supposed to see
we’re supposed to be
focused on the other side
on what that machine is supposed to mean to us and
for guys like
you and I I like looking behind the curtain but I don’t
I don’t because I grew up in a corrupt
hometown I seen what politics is
out of my new
level I can’t even
dream of what it is in a national fucking level when
I’m taking political contributions but I’m
gonna pass your fucking Bill so you could
pass that law that’ll
make people’s hands grow back
but they’re also
gonna give him cancer in the eyeballs
that’s part of it
it grows when
I grew up in it when it was in the
micro process
now it’s in
the national
level of corruption is in a
macro process
and it starts with little
things and townships
where is a macro
smaller than my yeah
micro macro I’m a little high I’m sorry
guys but you
understand Mike I know exactly what you’re saying yeah
it’s very interesting
corruption if not
checked grows it all just keeps getting
bigger it’s not like they go hey we got to cut the shit
I know we’ve been making millions of dollars on the
sneak tip but everybody’s gotta stop
right now and I’m not kidding
why are you
still making money
these Wikileak
things are pretty cool for
their country I
think in general
that’s why these assholes
wanna put that guy in jail they
wanna say it compromises Americans
no it doesn’t
he did exactly what the New York
Times was supposed to do if they got that information
we should have
done that on twitter
though can you imagine if there was just like this
twitter address that everyone followed that everyone
well they have
no tweet twitter
by the way JFK here’s
pictures of JK
SO and cocaine too
dude wikileaks has a twitter and they really
they really should
on twitter they released
it on twitter
they released
some an article about how
different parts of
the American economy are
influenced by
genetically modified foods and how we are trying to
force them on
other countries
and we’re fucking with
other countries if they
don’t go into the genetically modified food they don’t
start growing like Monsanto corn and shit like that
these giant companies
are way too embedded into the political system
they’re not doing
stuff for the
greater good of people they’re doing
stuff for the profitability
of giant corporations that
moved them into position in the
first place
the whole thing has been corrupted
like to sit down and pretend
that it’s real is insulting
it’s like a
stupid argument
it’s like people
argue about pro wrestling
you know it’s like what are you arguing
about this is a fake nonsense process
if you can’t
notice that from
Obama obama’s
gonna pull all the
troop out of it
oh he’s not
Obama won the Nobel
Peace Prize
and then he sent
30,000 more fucking
troops to Afghanistan
I mean come on man
thank you look at all the shit that he’s done to
allow these cunts to get away with
stealing all that fucking
money in that bailout
I watched that Inside Job movie
dude that shit is disgusting disgusting
it’s disgusting
how deep the corruption is the financial
the whole financial sector
it’s scary dude
they have the people that are
regulators eventually get jobs with the banks
like how the fuck
you’re telling
me you work as a guy who’s working for the SEC
and you’re looking
into banks and corruption and shit like that
and then when you quit you get a job with the bank
how the fuck are you not in jail
how the fuck are you not in jail
you were the one
responsible
for looking over these
motherfuckers
while they were doing all sorts of
crazy shit betting on
things failing and betting
3 times more than a business is worth and
speculatives and
and betting
again and fucking
forcing clients to buy shit they knew wasn’t good
like they did a lot of
crazy creepy shit and got away with it
and the only one who got popped is that Bernie made off
those motherfuckers
should all be in jail
they should be a mass jailing
and they’re not they’re not jailing anybody
then it’s bullshit
then it’s all
bullshit it’s all bullshit that they’re not
you you gotta like hold them the most
accountable you can and it’s barely at all people’s
dreams people’s
dreams when you
steal people’s
dreams that’s the
worst thing in the fucking world
you 63 years old or somebody calls you says you’re not
gonna get you
your money at
18:-6 all that
money you put away
that happens
those guys a lot too
tap into a lot of fucking people people at
60 I just watched them
about a month ago people 71
getting part time fucking jobs now
the 69 this fucking
movie showed
I believe it was
Iceland how they went in and Jack the Icelandic economy
in like a couple of years
these banks went in and just fucking
just created bubbles and
started making
crazy money
spending in access
and then it all failed
and people were fucked
they had like the most
stable the most
normalized economy
like it was a beautiful economy
everything was running smooth
people were hard workers people got shit done
they lived a life of you know relative prosperity
now they’re fucked
everybody lost
everything everyone’s fucked
everyone’s pissed you
think that guy’s in
the States I
think it already has
there he has what is this bailout what is this
how do you how do
these people get money
when their banks failed
well they have
bonuses in their contract
bonuses how the fuck do you get a
bonus when the bank fails
like the idea
that you have to respect them and that they can’t lose
that’s just
there it’s so corrupt have
you seen the size of
bonuses millions and millions of
dollars and this is from banks
where we had to pay them
we gave them
money and they’re giving out money
either way if your bank fucking fails
you can’t get a bonus
you can’t get a
bonus I’m smiling
the bank fucking failed
do you take no
personal responsibility
like who takes responsibility
somebody and it shouldn’t be the guy that
stands to make a bonus
if the bank does well that
should be the guy who takes personal responsibility
so when the bank fucking fails
you don’t get your
bonus cunt face
it’s it it’s that simple
why why the fuck can’t the president say that
instead he’s like
we’re gonna you know load
limited to half $1,000,000 half 1,000,000
fucking dollars
for a bonus when your bank fails
what do you want
these motherfuckers are so not living in reality
and most people’s reality
these cunts cost
so many fucking people
their life savings
and they have to get
their bonuses
in the president’s like well we have to give it to him
what the fuck are you talking
about you have to give it to him
you can’t just step in go cut the shit
are you fucking
crazy no you can’t get
$30,000,000
after your fucking bank fails
no in the middle of a
crazy downed economy where
billions of dollars from taxpayers
money been funneled to the fucking banks
to keep them afloat
no you can’t get a
bonus fuck head
you’re lucky you have a job you’re
lucky your head is attached to your fucking
shoulder not
gonna get in 90 fucking years yeah you’re
lucky you’re not in jail forever in Haiti
can I ask you a
question have you followed what’s
going on in the city of Belle
bell was bell bell
California is a city that the fucking guys just jacked
what happened like the fuck you
gotta get up
early in the morning for this
cause they talk
about like KTLA it’s a city here
of Bell off the 6 o 5 or something
and all the may everybody it was as corrupt as can be
they have been jacking millions
so if it’s at that city of Bell
if the corruption is that deep the cops were having
ticket contests
really oh this is
every day on the news they come up with more
should the guy just got reinvited
this is old
school Jersey shit like really school
where’s Bell bell California
I think like
more than 30 minutes from here so
really yeah
30 45 it’s close yeah
they just been
having this shit in there lately it’s a shit
store they all
they will all
steal it all 5 guys are
stealing big boys
I don’t understand how they feel like no one’s
gonna get caught
it’s like good
fucking trail
remember good
fellas and Robert you know how to
start killing people because you’re
spending too much money yeah
that’s the same goddamn
thing man that was a
great scene wasn’t it
when you realize the guy
came in his wife had a fucking beautiful fur coat on
it’s like what the fuck are you doing
and then they did they
know they have to kill this guy and then this
photos of him and his wife shot in the car
what a great goddamn
movie that was that
movie was on the other
night and I walked in the park with her at the
mother’s house
and then borrowing the knife
but you got to
think of that
whole scene they’re borrowing a
knife to stab this guy in the car
meanwhile while they’re eating the guys in the
trunk of the fucking car
eating like it’s the 4th of July yeah
they’re eating eggs and
bread and fucking telling stories remember the
painting yeah
that is that
was for me such
that is such a sick fucking
movie right there it’s a great
movie what do you want from me
there’s not that many of
those there’s very few of
those that ever get that good
you know there’s very few
movies that ever like hit that
that’s like a perfect movie
good Fellas is like a perfect fucking movie
everything about it
especially when you see it 20 years later
when she was
screaming at Ray Liotta and he
he starts laughing and runs away cause
gacked out of his fucking mind
she’s screaming at him
and he’s laughing
remember when they were packaging up the coke
and his girlfriend was getting pissed off
you know she’s got her just fucking
making coke for him now he’s banging her on the side
still with his wife
and he’s got her packaging coke for him and then
you know he
leaves laughing and she fucking
throws the coke
at the door you remember that shit is the craziest
thing ever I
gotta tell you
is the craziest thing ever
when he gets to that scene
and I did coke for 30 years when he gets to that
scene and he snorts and he pops his head up
and his eyes dilate
right in front of the camera
that scene is why I turned the movie off
really it bothers me to know
when you know why bothers me because he
steals it though
he taps into the coke when he’s
standing there with his arms
watch it again when she’s
weighing it
and he’s standing there with his arms folded
how many times you see with my arms fold that means
that means your potential energy you’re
ready to explode you can’t even take
watching that fill that fucking envelope
when he sees the fucking
the helicopter
and you know it’s behind you
the chili chatter
they have that’s paranoid talk
why can’t we go to your
mother’s house
when they drop
the guns off you imagine Joe what can we go to your
mother’s house and drop off guns
they had this
chili child
when he gets out of jail and he’s feeling for the coke
and he comes
home he’s trying to tell her that he wants it for
money he wants to get high
I’ve been there
Karen Karen what you do it was what was all we had
Aaron that whole
to the chat
look at how high they are
he just passes up they just
passed out perfect yeah they just pass out from the
fucking that’s all we had
$60,000 in the fucking
thing he had in the ceiling what I
wouldn’t have found it
great fucking
movie but it’s amazing when
he’s looking up at the helicopters and he’s driving
so fucking yes
yes when he
was in the car and he
thought it was over
and he’s getting rid of guns
right wasn’t he yeah
you have no
idea what it is to get coked up in this little room
and look out that window
by the blonde and
there’s like there’ll be a
what do you call those things a fire hydrant uh huh
but if your mind becomes a dog
could you imagine
if you’ve got like Osama
bin Laden coked up
could you imagine if you got someone
someone like Gaddafi
coked up right now
how paranoid he would be
they just go
like he probably does it you
think he does coke of course
you’re a fucking terrorist you’re probably fucking
fucking hookers
looking daffy’s not a terrorist he’s a he’s a dick or
I mean let me know some
he’s but I mean
yeah he’s the same
thing there
was a bad bad person
right enemy
bad person there was a guy called
Carlo something
that was part of the meddling cartel in the 80s bad
motherfucker the one that was in charge of
bringing up all the blow he got so
crazy not an A deer
Carlos yeah what’s his last name
he resonate dear call
his name I don’t know
yeah he was the one that did blow
about I might have made that
up blow was the guy in the island that he went to visit
Johnny Depp
the guy with the blue eyes that right
who had the machine guns and shit was
guy his name is
Carlo lay there yes it is laid there lay
down lay there
Carlos lay there got his sentence reduced
he got like 900 years
knocked off a sentence he
still got 1400 more to do
he’s the one that
went to the government said no I gave for the envelopes
face to face
wow and Carlos they did how they nailed them was
he was actually getting cameras like Ryan does
set them around a room
he get a plate
blow he sit there
naked with a towel on
and just do bumps and
every once in a
while he go like this a chicken coming suck his dick
smack you do more blow
just tell poetry all day
and finally they got the Melan
Cartel got their
hands on this and they were like this can’t happen
get Bush on the phone bush
we got something for you
right I’ll tell you
exactly where he is we’re
gonna email the tape to you
really that’s
the only cartel gave him up
really exactly yeah because they couldn’t take that
this guy was folding he’s making videos
of himself naked
sweating with his eyes this big
doing blow for
24 hour pops
fuck Charlie Sheen
this guy is naked
doing bumps
and and you know saying talking
about la Luna
you know stars in the mountains
and then he
would go on and a
chick would come and suck his dick and he would like
Shooter they would just
shoot around tape and they just keep
you see him pulled up by her
ankles and shit he’d be
bleeding fuck
that and then he’d do more blowing I wish I was
lying to you
this guy was killing people on tape doing blows just
sweat not eating for days oh
brilliant shit
and then they
stick one of the million
cartel got this nearly we can’t have this
wow they went and got him and brought him back they
still have those
pictures of him on the plane
next to the
Marines he’s just looking around like what the fuck
do I do he knew exactly who turned them in holy shit
did you see
you saw cocaine cowboys
right yeah you know that
woman what’s her name
is Zelda Zelda she’s out
she’s back in Columbia man
they get pictures
of her in Columbia at the airport hanging out free
and this the
movie just detail
after detail how many people she had killed
wow that bitch
the godmother I
think they called her Griselda
she made so much money
hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars in coke
money man she was killing people left and
right they got this guy who’s her hitman
who’s in jail and they interview
him in jail and he’s just telling them
all the different times griselda
made me kill this guy so I had to go do some business
and I killed this guy how to do some business
and I said I
wouldn’t do that because they wanted me to do a
drive by and there was a baby in the car like whoa
it was fucking Colombians they used to
shoot anything bro
this is a picture of you go on Daily News
Archives 1984
Columbia family in Brooklyn got
slaughtered
well the kid the room for the wake was 14
bodies and there was 12 kids
oh my God they sat
the kids down
11:58 and put bullets
in their fucking forehead oh my God the
pictures just they don’t show the
bodies but they show the funeral parlor
and just a roll of fucking
bodies these Colombians
and over nothing this is in the
eighties when they were
shooting you over $2 just to make that point
you know you always
fucking money was
gonna shoot you
that was the big
thing about them
right the Columbians were
always thought to be the most like Columbian necktie
they go cut
your fucking
throat out pull your tongue out
they wanted they wanted an intimidation at the maximum
yeah the fucking
savages that’s
right next door to us buddy
that’s that’s just like what’s
going on in Mexico
that’s happening
right now in a bigger even bigger scale
you know because
the Colombians even though they had like
they were selling drugs and they were
bringing drugs in
they weren’t getting that much resistance from
their government
you know I mean there’s kind of corrupt
this was part
of their action
yeah it was kind of corrupt but in Mexico it’s
not the same man Mexico they get a lot of resistance
but it doesn’t matter
still doing it they’re
still doing it so it’s scarier because it’s more like
it’s more like militaristic you know
what’s the expression in Spanish
blue more blow mo or Plata
that’s the expression bro
that’s a silver of cash
that’s a finish from the rubber guard
blow mo or Plata
no this call either bullets or money
which one did you show up in which ones bullets
blow more promo is bullets yeah
block that is cash cash so
they just show up at your
house put a gun there with an envelope
blow more platter that should be a new rap song
which one you want to choose Plata
and your call bitch that’s how they would go
she just this poor fucking girl
who was remember that girl was trying to be a sheriff
in some town and near Juarez
remember that shit she was 20 years old
there’s a big
story because this is
college girl
decides she’s
gonna fucking get
a job as a sheriff and try to
clean up the town
within months this poor girl is trying to seek
asylum in America because
they’re trying to kill her oh they’ll
slice your fucking
throat they’ll
cut you up a little you’re either in or you’re out
there’s no there’s no coming back there’s no no no
that’s a different society this isn’t
terrifying man this isn’t
it’s terrifying shit you know it’s terrifying that
it’s terrifying that we’re not doing anything
about it but yet we’re fucking around in Libya
hey bro 1984
December 12th 1984 I was minding my business or 83
I was minding
my business at snowman’s Village I didn’t know nothing
about nothing I was just
snorting coke and
going to school at
night and I just had an electrician’s job
and I heard this baboon
but I didn’t know what happened I just went to bed
the next day they
would tell me a
story about this drug dealer
named Stephen Gray Bow
he got in a fucking car went to
start it up
they put a bomb on there was fucking car and Aspen
Colorado damn some
white dude and I
asked around and then the
papers he was
about to go on
trial for tax evasion
he was a Jewish guy
that was in with the Columbia
the place but he was making so much money
he couldn’t fucking
clean it it was 1984 it was too fast wow
and they fucking blew can you imagine that getting
blown up in a fucking pipe bomb that’s when you know
somebody and he didn’t die right away
the metal went up in his ass he stayed away
for fucking hours the metal
went up in his ass from the plate
under the jeep and shit they all have those
crash plates in colorado they all have those plates
those plate squirts work
against you and you have a bomb under your fucking car
so the plate went right in this fucking cooley
so he was just bleeding oh my god
that’s fucking
crazy when somebody kills you with a car bomb
that means you did something bad
they slice your fucking
throat you gotta be a ghost after somebody slices your
throat you’ll never rest
yeah can’t rest in fucking peace
you got to be something you know ghost
haunting the woods
forever wanting
somebody hunting colombians you hunting fucking
brian red band what’s up brian michael
do you believe in ghost joey diaz
fuck yeah do you really fuck you
i don’t believe
it i seen i seen something at the comedy
store one thing not
didn’t see the
door ringing i didn’t see nobody walking with
not a head on i mean i’ve
heard a lot of stories in the
comics book
and then i’ve been around people who pass
spirits as a
young child
in fact i went
to see the lady when i went home last week yeah
i was a kid i seen to do some wild shit what you do
when i was about
when i was about eight
you know my
mother had a bar and all
these people coming to
shake it down you know cops are coming nice guys
just white guys
come in that’s part of the business when you have a bar
you know somebody gets
stabbed you want the cops there first
you got to give an envelope
you know and then
after about
three months this guy
started coming he was a cuban guy look like serpico
but he would come in and
break the cubans balls
he went after cubans
he went after cubans and
seventy six and
seventy five he went
after him heavy
and he would come into my
mother’s bar and insult
them and fuck you
motherfuckers i want
a bigger envelope next time i come that type of shit
so when that went in there after
school and he was yelling and
screaming in there
i didn’t like
this fucking guy he was younger and he had a beard
he was a weightlifter type dude
so a couple weeks later
i go to the barn it’s all
these cuban
guys they had a bar on
thirty eight
street had to
bring these
these are all cuban
bookmakers that my dad knew my stepdad know my mom
nice fucking people
and it was this lady i played
basketball with the kids the kid was a boxer
his name is jose
torres bad is
their uncles the fucking dude
that’s their
uncle the killer
jose torres he’s a boxing ref or something big boxing
official that’s
their uncle this is their
nephew the puerto ricans
so that was the guy that was he was a
light heavyweight
champion right
you know he’s
something big with boxing this is his nephew
i grew up with that nephew they were
basketball players i
think that’s what i’m talking
about isn’t anyone that
wrote the book
about mike tyson
kind of grew up with mike
tyson and kind of like
wrote a tell all book
about him was kind of like kind of shitty
no no this is the joe torres
yeah that’s this is jose
torres the referee from the 70s i’m
thinking of the
wrong guy i
think this guy even ref like
he was he was the one that did our fight
when they were trying to stop it duran against
when they were trying to stop it he’s the we
gotta look it up duran
against who
to ran against that
fight when he
killed the guy in the ring then the guy died two weeks
later but he took his
spirit away
what’s the fight we always talk
about when dora
and davey more davey
more yeah i
think he had to
do that died years later
in a car accident
the fucking jack fell on top
yeah yeah car
crashed but he
duran took your
spirit took your
spirit yeah that happens to guys man
julio caesar chavez
when he fought
magic taylor
there’s no question
about that fight
magic taylor got his
spirit taken
chavez took his
spirit he he
heard him bad too physically like he was
never the same physically
but he was also
never the same psychologically
to go through that
crazy ass war
and to be boxing the fucking ears off the guy at first
then eventually the
guy just slowly wears you down slowly wears you down
and then boom stops you in the
twelfth with like
seconds to go
they stop the fight
like that’s a
crushing blow
a devastating blow
you know to have the referee
look at you when there’s like
was there like two
seconds left in the clock
and the referee
shakes him off and chavez
wins like what what
that’s like a
spirit crusher
we’re talking
about the fucking
spirit with those
so we were kids
and once a month this lady
would pass a fucking
spirit in the
house you go
she was a mom now this lady was a mom i used to
watch her she was a mom she used to
drive her kids around to different
basketball games and shit
husband and her were separated she wasn’t a boozer
she never really cursed i
would go in the daytime and she
would make sandwiches for you and
stuff like that
she would take the kids to church on
sunday so i used to
watch her but my
mother once
told me that said that lady passes a fucking
weird spirit
once a month or some shit and people go over there
you bring her
money or gifts or whatever the fuck you bring it
and she talks to you
so one night we went
talk to yeah
the spirit so one
night we went over there
now how long you know me
look at me i don’t fuck around look at him joe
shut the fuck up
brian i don’t fuck around
you don’t fucking when i talk to you from like a
man i talk to you like a man this is fucked up what i’m
gonna tell you
i’m about eight or nine
so this one last time i went to the bar
and he had them all up at the bar like popeye doyle and
had those people in fucking
the french connection memory
goes in he said everybody
against the wall is like last time i went in there
and now these fucking cubans are pissing
my mom’s pissed so like we
gotta figure something now i knew eventually my dad was
gonna shoot this guy that’s the
i just had a
funny feeling in my stepdad or somebody’s gonna
shoot this fucking guy
cause he was
going over his
bounds they felt that he was abusing cubans
which is even
worse when you’re cuban
if he was a
white dude or a
black dude hey it’s part of the
turf you fucking cuban
we’re gonna get your ass
so i knew about this and i just turned the
other way one
night we go to this fucking lady’s house
and she’s talking to
these people and she’s got the
spirit now i’m
watching this lady would
drink fucking raw alcohol what’s that
what’s that fucking
album shine
no the shit that people
drink that’s a hundred and
forty proof
oh ever clear ever
clear ever clear
drink it and
talk to you and
smoke a fucking cigar
oh my god and
she was supposed to be a
black african fucking slave
but she was really a puerto rican
woman and she talked to you
and she drink the fucking shit
and she was talking to my
mother and she came over to i was a little fucking
kid dog and i remember looking at a shit in my pants up
and she took a dish
and she showed it to my mom is a white dish
and she took a fucking
candle and she took the dish and she put the candle
under the dish
she took the candle she
threw it down she showed the dish to my mother
she said this is what’s bothering you lately
and it was just some fucking thing
it just look like some candle design on the
thing right
she took the dish she
smashes she goes
done seven days
i went home dog i
never thought
about this shit
again i was
eight or nine i had gi joe’s
i was trying to look at my dad’s pornos
you know i’m saying
right i don’t believe this hocus pocus
right well one day i get out of
school and i take the bike and i go to my
mother’s bar when i get up there they’re all fucking
drinking and having a good time at
three thirty
and i go what happened i go they know that fucking cop
they shot him to
pieces last night
and they shot him up by this
place rapid
oh taxi was the
first cuban taxi cab
company in the 70s
that would deliver
blown the taxis all
these geniuses that the
genius is not yeah all right
the cubans are doing that the 70
union city they
would go over the bridge
you call from the city deliver the
studio fifty four
taxis would deliver the code come on dog this is
seventy four
seventy five
come on dog and the name of the company was
rapid old taxi
you know what rapid
old means in spanish what
quick bitch
quit floppy
little quick
quick quick
yeah quick so i
took my bike joe rogan
joe rogan i
went up to this fuck this is this is really so
was the taxi a real taxi company
was a real taxi
company but they deliver
fucking blow that was
that was the purpose that we
think they made
money on a three dollar toll
they make money delivering the fucking goody good to
studio that so did they run a real taxi too
real taxi you thought you could go
in there and
take it from
supermarkets and
then you go on the way home can you get me some coke
right no no no
on the way home you got
to go to the city they just put a kilo over the city
and they don’t get pulled over you got
a ride in the city
why are you pulling me over officer i got
joe rogan in the back of the
car i’m sorry
go right ahead we thought you were doing something
else meanwhile there’s
fucking a bag of fucking blowing the
trunk and the cops must have been in on it too right
how many of the cops were in on it back then
i don’t fucking know
had to be some right
new york was a different animal
new york was a different
fucking animal right
new york was a different
fucking animal then but you got to remember that
it was just a
toxic nobody thought
about that new york back then that was
twenty years
ahead of that fucking time when
when new york
sneeze bro everybody else called a fucking cold
let’s get down
that ten years behind over here
these fucking
savages this is you know this is a totally different
place socially than new york that’s for sure
right don’t you think
people are more on the ball there
there’s more like
there’s more
con artists and shit there’s more clever people
don’t you think
there’s more fucking douchebags
everywhere there’s more
stone people out here i
think yeah there’s a lot of that
but i think that
i always say that there’s something
about the weather man
you don’t have to deal with the weather you get soft
you know your
brain doesn’t have to
think think
quickly because you have to survive
you know when you’re in boston
and it’s fucking
zero degrees out and you get in your car and goes
fuck fuck
and you don’t have a cell phone
stupid there was no cell phones back then
so what are you doing oh my god i gotta
knock on someone’s door so i don’t freeze to
death you gotta wake some people up
because you
might freeze to
death i’m sorry
my car broke down can i use your
dude you gotta think
quicker when you’re in that kind of an environment
in california
you know your car breaks down you just
sleep in the car
until you know
the cops come and then the cops tell you hey what’s
going on oh my car
broke down and they get you a tow
truck and you’re fine
you don’t have to
worry about
dying outside
you know living in boston you gotta
worry about dying that’s like some real shit
and that’s why they’re a little
quicker a little quicker on the take that
sound that sound that you made for doing the car
i was just imagining
i was imagining that’s what it
sounded like when joey diaz had sex
do you think so
no joey what’s it sound like when you have sex it’s
yeah yeah i was good dick
did i tell you i’m giving you good dick
i’m giving you good dick
don’t get me started red band
i have you know who here in 20 minutes
bitch slapping
motherfuckers
you know i’m saying who you have here what the fuck is
this plan what’s plan b
you know who
i don’t know do you know he knows who
so my dog twixie vixen
got raped again by a girl by a girl
dog and the
person whore
the person was like i gotta pee
while you tell the
story the person i was with joey
everyone’s leaving me
this is my twixie vixen story are
so the person
i was with i own the dog they were like my dog has
never a humped anything and b
my dog is a girl dog so i don’t even know why
it’s like trying to hump your dog’s ass because it
doesn’t have a dick
so joey what what do you
think about rss feeds
i have no idea what they even fucking up
here to pick
up the line
you don’t know anything about computers yeah
what they’re designed to
pump out a like if you have a website
it’s designed only
for we’re mostly for
sending out your website so
other applications and other websites can
add it to their website
and their applications
but if you don’t
want to do that you don’t have an rss feed
so i could see you wouldn’t want an rss feed
i know nothing
about it talk to me about something i fucking need you
can play like
oh is that real that’s real bitch
see now that’s why you agitate you don’t talk
look at your
boys walking right into the fucking fucking
i had to pee i’m sorry ladies and gentlemen i apologize
i was working on that video game all day today
smells like gyros i kidding
i was working on that
ufc video game
today and i drink tea when i work on that show
the video game is like it’s very
it’s like a script and
i have to pretend that fights are going on
so it’s like for hours and hours and
hours you’re talking at that like really intense
fast and you know
your voice gets really tired so
i had to drink a lot of tea
so i could not hold in my urine so
what you were saying
before i left so rudely is that your dog’s a whore
such a whore that
lesbians are raping your dog no
yeah exactly and like
do all dogs
have just the intuition
to get on top of another dog and hump it
even if they don’t have a dick because it
doesn’t make
sense no it
does my dog used to do that she was a female pit bull
and i had a male pit bull that was a puppy
and she used to get on
top of them and hump them just like rubbing pussies and
no no it’s a dominant
thing it’s like what she’s doing
is saying that if i wanted to fuck you in the ass i
could i can get to the position
where i’m on top of you
i’m stronger than you
they jockey
for position
you have to almost like
it’s a social thing
it’s like for
a dog to be able to get on top of you and dry hump you
it’s not just that he’s
horny it’s also
that he’s trying to let you know he can do that
he can impose himself on you
like my two dogs they have very
clear rules
like johnny’s a mastiff he’s a big fucking dog
and you know he’s got this
giant fucking head and he’s a
sweet heart of a dog
but the other dogs a bulldog shibu
inu bix and the
other dog doesn’t
get no saying shit that’s just the way it is they don’t
fight they don’t argue
but when i open up the door
johnny walks in
first every time
every time the
other dog will stop and let johnny go through first why
cause johnny’s a hundred and forty
pound mastiff he’s fucking huge
you know so there’s just
clear rules
if johnny wanted to hump brutus
he could get away with it
but if brutus
tried to hump johnny they
would be chaos
it would be like what the fuck
brutus probably
would growl
and snap a johnny if johnny
tried to hump them but the
point is the
other way is
absolutely preposterous it’s
never gonna happen there’s like a this is
with animals there’s an alpha
and then there’s the the ones who give into the alpha
and your dog
clearly is like the most beta dog ever
i know it’s
so much on me dog say
that we give it
is that what it is
so i guess the way it works is that they just
feel her submissiveness
and they want to
mount her their instinct is to
mount her and dominate her
this the old
dog i used to have was always a bad dog and
every time it was bad i would
just like kind of put her in between my legs
and my arm and kind of get in like a crouching position
and kind of just like
put her in between me and like hold her
and so i was
kind of like on top of her i wasn’t like fucking her
right you know she was just like on like
underneath my
belly like a little cave
i would make
i would just sit there for like ten minutes
and you could tell the dog at
first trying to get out
and then finally just kind of some
submissors are
you know just kind of lays down
and it gives up
dog is just fine
you know just walks around
weird i don’t
think you’re supposed to do that i
think you fucked up your dog’s head you like
rape your dog
every time it shit on the carpet
every time it shits
on the carpet you rape it well no no it’s something i
learned kind of from caesar
oh really like is that what caesar does he fucks yeah
after showtime that’s
after night’s showtime version of it no
that’s his secret
that probably
would be the best way to do it yeah
well he didn’t say it like that he said that you
should grab it
by the back of the neck and like hold it down
for a while
that’s pretty much
what i was doing i was pretty much getting on top of it
and just kind of
getting like yo
i am the master here
the whole dog
thing is crazy man
do you have
these animals that listen to you
right now like what the fuck or what’s
wrong with us
there’s not
another animal that keeps animals that they love
right you know
it’s weird and we’ve got them engineered to be like the
sweetest nicest
things ever
i mean look at your dog dude your dog is
ridiculously affectionate
right i’ve never seen a dog that
not just affectionate
but so needy
to her it’s like
every breath
but taking a breath
she needs that much
attention like it’s like as much as she’s breathing
she needs someone
touching her
as much as she needs to take in air
she needs someone to
touch her it’s like that
extreme it’s like a stripper or something way worse
way worse than
is there any animal that has pubic hair
i was thinking the
other day i was like
wouldn’t it be cool if like animals had
pubic hairs and
like you like trim them
or you could just get a full bush
you know like if your cat
well the animal
would have to have
nothing else around it i mean they have pubic hair over
their whole fucking body that’s
basically what’s
going on kind of
sure but i mean like even like bald
eagles if bald
eagles had bushes
those are feathers but i mean like why don’t they have
what are you talking
about like bald
eagles have
penises right
yes why are
humans the only ones that have
pubic hairs
because we don’t have hair on
the rest of our body there’s very few animals that have
exposed skin
very few animals that have exposed skin
that ain’t shit dude if
you were a coyote
i would take you to the vet
i believe this poor
thing is dying
because all its hair is missing what
you think is hairy is only hairy to a hairless person
you know i’m
covered in hair too that’s not
harry is that’s your
hairless you just
you have a little hair compared to the
other hairless
folks why don’t
monkeys have huge bushes
they do man
they do they have pubic hairs
they do they don’t get long and
crazy like ours
because they just have different kind of hair
but they have hair around
their dick and balls
the fuck is
wrong with you son
you gotta do some research before you come up with
these crazy pubic hair theories
well i mean they
don’t have bushes like we do that’s what i’m talking
about why do we
have them because
we don’t have it anywhere else
joey if it like it would be
weird if like animals you know
i mean there’s
only the only animal
that’s like us that is hair and certain parts of his
body is like some
some dogs and i
i just wish all
enough experience in why
i don’t give a fuck
about animal pubic
is worried about people
dying of radiation poisoning in japan and
fucking why are we in libya the ca
involving our life
i’m worried
about animals do
you think peta
would exist if animals have cares
ryan don’t make me get bill
burr here fuck
you fuck you in the ass with his laptop
with fucking brock lesnar
right now bill but
get you put give to the microphone bro
me i’m all right i’m straight
okay my voice is fucking too big i’ll blow the speakers
don’t make me call brock les
all right all right what’s going on
bill burrow did a video
where he fucking
talked about the
thing that there’s a video on youtube sony’s made it
six minutes long
he talked about the argument on his own
for another six minutes
and at the end of it he goes yeah and i was right
that’s the point that guy that little computer
guy he doesn’t know about computers
and they’re trying to rip you off and take the
money for the artist they never have
money for the artist
fucking rss feeds
you know what
you know what the thing that bugged me the most
six minutes this is the
experience you talked about this is the
thing that bugged me the most i’ve met him like
four times five times before right
he even did
we did a comedy show the following night or that night
that night we did a comedy show and
he was the following night the following night
and i was like
the host of the show and i’m like he knew that i’m a
comic also he knows who i am
right and if he’s nice
fucking whatever
so he on the beginning of the video he goes yeah and
so there’s that guy that little
guy that whatever that the male assistant guy the guy
turns the not
fucking male assistant to something over there yeah
yeah this guy
whatever the fuck he is hey fucking give me a gyro
yeah come on
but but fuck in
the thing that bugs me the most is
and i i was pretty
baked when that argument happened but the
thing that bug me the most
about everything
was my whole
thing wasn’t that i’m like yeah what
stitchers doing is a hundred percent
legal know what
what i was saying is
if you have something on your website
that that you put on your website
right that is only put on your website if you
wanna broadcast your stuff
you don’t want that then take it off your website it
doesn’t change anything
my whole argument is like
why do you have an rss feed on your website
why what what
what why did you put it on me are we really having
this conversation what are you doing no but i mean
so my art yeah but
but my argument
that i’m just saying i know what your argument was you
brought it up
here we go again
but no no no
here we go i know
what his argument is i know what your arguments i’m
aware of the the general details of the disagreement
i know but how is
what i’m saying is that’s not a
wrong or right
thing that’s just
a question actually i don’t care
anymore i don’t
care anymore what’s way more fascinating to me
is how involved you two got
that was way more fascinating and
when you’re getting a actual
issue the actual issue
the actual issue
the actual issue was
minuscule compared
to how psychologically captivating it was
and how he was genuinely getting
upset and you were getting upset too
and i was trying to mediate
because i generally did see both sides
i genuinely did but what i couldn’t
understand is how you guys are getting so goddamn
upset and then
when i would
bring it up
building oh this is a fucking new spa
joe rogan the joe rogan from 1994
would a fucking stab somebody by now
we didn’t even know each
other back then man you’re just
assuming you’re
assuming i would have done that
well you know what it was just to me it was like
i’ve already said the same
thing five times i can’t say anything else
about that i
couldn’t get you guys to stop it was fascinating
you like two dogs shut up
stop and there also
also comes to a
point where
you are like feel like you’re talking to your mom doing
email that’s how i get
about certain
things well you must have saw his
point a little bit
no i see what he’s
saying but that’s not what i’m saying i’m not saying i
agree with him or disagree with him
on that he wasn’t
willing to listen to what you were saying
about the whole concept of an rss
which stands for
really simple syndication
right and what’s syndication mean you want to syndicate
yeah what’s that mean
you want to
spread it out to as many people as possible absolutely
available on your website
absolutely but
the real problem was
the problem is itunes
numbers and that’s what he really wants to say is that
stitcher was helping it hurting his itunes numbers
and probably that he
doesn’t know
what an rss feed it why it’s on his website
if he wants people to go to his website
take off your rss feed that’s all you have to do
make don’t make your rss feed public
just give it to itunes only
hide your rss feed
and then everyone will come to your website
and you’ll have your itunes only well
we do one better than that we
allow people to download it not just on
stitcher but i
allow people to download it directly
so the moment it goes live i have a download link so
i don’t want you have to wait
so my itunes numbers will be higher
to me all that matters is that you get it out there
you don’t get cookies for being number
three or number four
you know it’s cute it’s nice to see the number
but what’s important
to me is just that it gets distributed
to as many people as possible as easily as possible
some people don’t like fucking with itunes
right some dudes who love the zoom
you know i heard the news is pretty badass i
think they stopped making them bro oh did they yeah
i lied out my ass turn it
i mean to some people that have just little
mp3 players
those little
flash mp3 players are like a little
you gotta have it available for
everything and anybody
yeah droids and
i especially when it’s it’s if it’s a free
thing that you
just want to get out your podcast to people
you know you’re not you’re not doing like doug benson
when you’re charging
money you’re just trying to get your podcast
calling out doug
benson i can’t believe you i mean
what the the honest
thing is the future of podcast how are podcasters
gonna make money
what doug is doing is pretty
interesting he’s charging
money now for like certain shows
i don’t think it’s
every show i
think it’s like he has like certain shows marin
does that too yeah it’s like
something where you become like some
super member or some shit
right i mean
i honestly think
the only way really to make
money is to get sponsors
you know yeah i
think the way you got to get a lot of
a lot of listeners
and get sponsors that’s the way to do it
right i agree
i think because i
think we’ve just reached
this time on the internet we have to look at the
music industry
we have to see look the
music industry has
changed it’s not that people
started stealing
and taking shit from the
music industry
that happened and
there was no way to stop that
so the music
industry has to reorganize re figure out how they do it
and that’s gonna happen with
everything and you can’t fucking
stop it you just
gotta go with what you
think is going to happen
and that’s like podcasting
no one knows what’s happening with podcasting
but you have to pretty much go with what you can do
right now well we
also have the luxury
thing we also have the luxury of doing
other things
i have the luxury of not having to rely
completely on my podcast
the ufc and we’re doing
stand up especially we’re doing
stand up right
because the podcast
definitely enhances the
stand up insanely
and also just look at philly
i mean philly you just sold out all philly
right yeah it’s sold out in two
weeks from now i mean how
when was the last time that happened so
it wasn’t happening like that before it’s like that
everywhere yeah
pulled seattle last weekend was fucking crazy man
eighteen hundred people
and when i asked him
i like how many guys listen the podcast it was like the
whole crowd it was
a hundred percent of the crowd
do you get that
now joey i get people yelling out do joe diaz mark
has changed
completely and with
music what’s really
going on with
music is that
they had to give it away
so now you you make
money performing
but these bitches can’t perform
yeah there’s a lot of them they’re faking it
sorry they can’t perform
that’s the music
that’s what
happened the music
music got real auto tune over their
voice and shit
you know the allman
brothers could show up with
three white guys and fucking rocket
so can let its get it there’s no way
they can’t do it
the organ is
shit don’t come through that good
you know that
shit don’t come through that good
i want to go see fucking the
black eyed peas to
sing songs for fucking people to sing one fucking song
boom boom boom boom
boom boom but really
80 fucking dollars for the
worst ticket to see that nonsense
there’s no musicians dog
there’s not that many the
black keys are pretty fucking bad
i can’t even
listen to the
black keys yeah but they can’t do fucking love the
black keys seriously i can’t get
enough like anything they do i fucking love the shit
they’re on the
right frequency they’re on the real
frequency well they really
listen the real musicians
the got listen the king of the musicians
right now is the guy dave grohl
there’s no better
musician that’s lived its
spirit and his band the band of the foo fighters
there is bad
because they’re students of the fucking game
yeah prince went to
vegas two years ago and did
us a show of requests really
can you imagine anything you hit prince with he’s
gonna play wow
willie nelson
to fucking billy idol so people yell it out in the
crowd and we just do i want you to take it god
damn come and yell
bitch aerosmith
and people going performers at the end
started flying out there
just because i
wanna get on
stage this motherfuckers
going what do you wanna hear
come together the beatles
ready one two
three four bam
now now now
that’s that’s
fucking that’s why he was getting nickel fucking
ticket or get
these tickets are outrageous now for
these bands princes
the real deal he’s a real
musical genius you know
he put out a lot of bad songs unfortunately
he there’s a lot of his songs that i just midnight
he was experimenting with
yeah but world they
still he was sucking his fucking and he was damn
idea yo he had some
great jams bro jam
yeah there’s i mean good chances
so the some of them
didn’t come out of a chance and some of them is very
self indulgent
so his style is
you know and
sometimes he gets caught up in what he’s doing but
when he hit it
erotic city
come on son
come on come on
son that’s a
great goddamn song
that was my
during high
school there was a
they were trying to get that as our high school
senior song
erotic city
we were it was a write in
you know so we’re all trying to like
organize it and then someone listen to it
someone who works as cool as it do it
that was the end of that do do do
it’s fucking amazing he’s done some
great shit and that’s what’s really
going on now
so everybody’s
adopt all my
hang ups have gone but
it’s amazing that somebody told me this two years ago
and i really experienced it last year in
irvine last year in irvine was when i seen the fruition
of what you’ve been doing
somebody told
me that now because of the internet and twitter
and all the podcast that
people want the full experience
and i didn’t
really see it till last july if you notice last july
when i changed
everything about my twitter
my facebook
i changed everything
about it because i paid more attention to it
how come i understand now
where you were coming from
there’s no more i see what
ralphie mays doing i see what you’re doing he’s wasting
his fucking time
when he flies into a city a week before two days to do
radio that’s a
waste of time that’s old hat yeah so you’re
staying at home
you don’t have to do that
the thing about this game is to
to make the most
money for the
least amount
of work that’s why i don’t like flying well it’s not
just that it’s not just that it’s but
communicate with as many people as you
can but you have a wife you have children
i don’t want you in nebraska on
monday doing some
radio show for what
but i never did that anyway no i
understand i
would never do it but
look what you do with a
blink of a fucking button yeah
you added an
extra show in australia
three weeks ago
with a blink of
yeah in a couple
hours a couple
hours yeah we put together a show on a
thursday night or
whatever and
i seen different
you’ve been talking
about it for years
it all came
fruition with the podcast the blog the twitter and
you know i’ve become an
expert now at
the twitters now i know how to do it more you
gotta give me something and then
tweet something
yeah give him some
not every fucking
stupid joke that comes out of your fucking mind
because everything
if you’re a biologist you’re
gonna die on twitter
right because you
gotta sell the fucking joke if you’re
gonna make a mind joke on twitter
it’s not gonna go nowhere sometimes
where you talk
about your situation on twitter and then
talk about a free show
or show within your situation
it’s different i answer
every fucking body on twitter
i try to fuck with people on twitter
you know my twitter is a lot
on facebook i got more christians i got nephews on
this i can’t
think i still
throw out the
blunt of life
you know me i don’t give a fuck get over it
every now and then you hit him with it i
gotta hit him with something
every morning just to wake them
up and they got a look at your shit
little thirteen year old
go ask them
look at uncle joey
wrote on his twitter
today mommy
what’s the blunt
you ain’t hide
by two in the afternoon go fuck yourself that’s the
truth that t
shirts by the way
folks they are being
printed right now
the if you ain’t
high by two in the afternoon go fuck yourself always
sophia told me we
ordered up a couple thousand
feet of no joe diaz he was
still bible because this
shirt is that cool it’s so
strong it’s a
strong have you seen the
photo i seen the
photo such a
strong shirt
so saying is so
strong yeah
the whole when you said it
we repeated
it like four times because it was so something
and it was the
weirdest thing because the guy i’m
gonna tell the
story that the guy was smoking
would have won an oscar
for fucking
three d and shit for star wars
his name is dykstra
oh yeah and i did spider man to
it dykstra was that the guy
charge of all the fucking
crazy three are
three d guy the special
effects special
effects his name is
not not three
three d whatever was yeah
he’s a genius
he’s a fucking
genius when you talk to him
and he has a little
daughter if you
watch spider man two after i
stick up for spider man there’s a little girl on the
train that says me too
that’s his daughter
and his daughter was telling everybody
on the train to suck a dick
suck my dick though that’s my father shut up
sit down for you
but the only way
she dug was me because i
would give it
to her you know something like what’s up sit down
who you think you’re talking to joey bananas
so raby i was so big
that they wouldn’t put me on the
train they just go check in
so i come into spider man i
check in and then i go eat
and go to my room they put me in a room not even the
trailer so i
would go to my room and
smoke pot i told you
about this i go get
ready i go rainy
somebody keep smoking
dope in my room you make it to the bottom of this
you go joey i don’t know and it was me the
whole time so one day
dykes you’re figured
out because there’s nobody smoking
you think you getting over on him it’s fucking me
where is it
so that’s hilarious like what’s behind the
building so we go behind the
building like one day was smoking we go behind the
building again the one they were smoking
the third day comes
some fucking pa
comes you know how they get sometimes
like an older
woman like right
forty two she came
back to she seen this and she goes
let whatever they’re looking for you
are you smoking pot
what’s wrong with you and i sat like for a
minute i got all like
there is something
wrong with me
what’s wrong with me what’s
wrong with you
if you were fucking high you
would be worried
about us not
smoking high it was like 10 15 in the morning
right to say
it’s 10 o’clock
in the morning how the hell can you be smoking pot
you really smoking pot
why wouldn’t you
and that’s what we came up with that thing from
fuck what’s
wrong with you
fuck is wrong with me what’s
wrong with you
bitch you ain’t
high that’s the
fucking problem you were high you
would worry
about me smoking dope
yeah it’s a
weird thing
where people
want to stop you from doing something because they
think it’s an indulgence
you know that you’re being weak
you’re indulging
you know my
wife said to me two days ago she goes you know what the
funny thing is
at five thirty in the morning i can hear the
alarm go off
but i heard you do a lot bomb hit
that’s what you know that’s hilarious
my wife told me tuesday morning she goes you know how
to hear the
alarm but i
definitely heard your bunk head
you got a bong in the bedroom
i got a bong in the office in the office
so you step off into the office and fire it up
oh when i get up i
brush my teeth
i piss i put the coffee on i feed the cats and i go
right for that i pray
for 10 million
you wake and bake like a
motherfucker not
right i used to wake and bake that fucks up your
whole now you wait five minutes i got
balance out
the body a little cantaloupe to balance out the ph
yeah to get the fucking bowels moving
cantaloupe hmm
i think it does fuck
me up if you
take it yeah you
can bake it for
the whole day fucks you up your
whole day i
mean up your
whole day once you
smoke weed you’re pretty much out
for the rest i’ve
done it a thousand times i’m the king of it i ain’t
gonna lie to you
but by 11 o’clock you like i fucked up
would you call the doctor’s office you like i ain’t
gonna happen
did you how many days you take off on a regular
from what take off what yeah
fuck for what i
went to prison that was long enough
eight fucking
months without smoking weed out of pop
acid and fucking
sneaking around
so you you’re addicted to it
i’m not addicted to it i just can’t i’m
ahead dog i’m the real deal
i’m ahead i like the smoked up
that’s my bag some people alcoholic some people like to
drink i can’t imagine a life without weed
i’ve been smoking
since i was fourteen
have your thought
maybe because
you can’t imagine because you don’t remember it
no i can’t imagine it not the
first all red man i’m the real fucking the i remember i
know you’re the real deal so so
i just like smoking weed the people i grew
the type of person i grew up with when i went to
colorado i was around a lot of heads
they like weed they
enjoy weed when i got home yesterday i said that
that thing was
thirty one percent i
tweeted it and ten people got back to me that said go
drive up in san
diego that’s ahead
that’s not a kid that says
oh my god i got the
what’s the name that we play like express no
there’s certain weed that’s got a name that you just
smoke it to be cool
then there’s this what’s this
stuff again
called call matt
number one og
matt’s number one
og look matt like some
famous growers no
no matt is the guy that owns kush mart so when he took
he bought that
brand and wanted to grow for him
and this is a hybrid
it’s a hybrid
that he’s got the
snoop dogg that’s a 28
that’s this
stuff might be the perfect weed
i might be the
greatest weed
ever i smoked it and i realized when i smoked it the
other day i’ve been
going i know
cc and i’ve been buying 50
fucking eights
and i realized that the pot was good
and some days when i buy
gram like by six o’clock half the
gram was gone
i’m smoking too much bottle in a bomb that’s too much
when i hit weed and i remember that how i
started this diet
was it matt’s og
when you smoked in the morning the sativa
would take over your mind so quickly
that i have to get out of the
house before my head blew up
and i would have to get on the bike and i
would just get on the bike and
pedal because i put somebody chasing me
and that’s how i lost a hundred fucking
pounds on that bike smoking the max og
because it’s a
teva wouldn’t
speed you up by cocaine
it speed you up at a grad
control you
and it went from being a sativa into
methodically like an indica
was the weirdest
thing people don’t
understand the
sativa actually makes you ambitious people think that
it’s people who look at
pot and look at people being
you know potheads being like unambitious and lazy
sativa makes me way more ambitious it makes me
aware of the consequences of not
working as hard as you can
and how you feel
you know it makes me
super sensitive
to my own actions positive or negative so it makes me
super sensitive to doing
things that i
should be doing
as far as like getting work done as far as like
writing and performing
and doing podcasts and
i don’t ever cancel podcast man you know
i’d have to be sick as fuck and i don’t get sick very
often so we do them you know it’s like
sativa makes me
know hyper aware
and when i’m
hyper aware i’m
more diligent
you know so i
think it makes me more ambitious
but do you guys
think if you had if you wanted to take a
month off do you think you
could possibly easily do it sure i’ve done that
and i haven’t
taken a month off but i’ve
taken weeks off
i could take a couple days
off but why
just to see if we can
do it i don’t see the
what is this fear factor
here’s the purpose
here’s the purpose
i’ve tried i’ve thought
about it you
smoke a shitload of weed you have to be
spending a shitload of
money i smoke a shitload of weed
and the people around me
smoke a shitload of weed
i get it dog
it’s really
weird that the people around me are into it
like i’m into it like the type people well we all have
fun together and
what people don’t understand
about marijuana is that they
think it’s some sort of an escape
it’s an enhancement
it’s not an escape we’re living in the same
world you’re living in man
it’s just more fun when you’re high
it’s really that simple and it’s not ruining your body
it’s bullshit
and i’m not saying
you steak no
it ain’t for take
take can’t smoke weed
you know stan hope
doesn’t like
weed there’s a lot of our friends don’t like weed
that’s all well and good man
fine yeah you know i don’t like
i mean i’ve been smoking weed so much that i mean i
could take a couple days off i could take
probably a week
i’ve probably
taken a week off recently but but
that the idea of taking a
month off is so
weird foreign to me that i almost
want to do it just to see what happens like you must
talk about it do she you’d become a republican i
watch bill o’reilly i have no idea he’s
right we do have to be afraid of mexicans i’ve been
stop smoking weed
since fourteen fifteen i tell a
point in my life of my weed career
i can’t write anymore when i get really high
really you like when i get up in the morning
i get high it’s to go on twitter and facebook and
make adjustments
here and get my day
ready right
but like now when i
write i try to be a little straighter
really when i work out i got a
blaze dog if i
could get an edible
i gotta get an edible
me i love working out stone
that is my life that was how i did
thirty years ago
i love not remembering what set it is and i know my
shoulders on fire
you know i’m saying i love the fact that
if i get if i don’t get high i’ll
still work out an hour
and i still do a good job
but if i work if i get high i work on an hour forty
it’s just a little tighter i concentrate
on my kicks i concentrate
on the form
yeah i know what you mean i try to do
everything i
when i kick the bag on them how usually i don’t
what a great
feel i don’t
usually i kick the
pole holding the bag by mistake i won’t
but i like getting on the bike stone yeah
think about it i like
the elliptical
the elliptical
stone is a fucking different world
you know how many people roll stoned
jiu jitsu oh you have to everybody does no no no
especially eddie’s classes
eddie’s classes like you walk in the room you
smell reefer
you some everyone
smells like reefer there’s like half
of his fucking students are high as fuck when you take
you eat a piece of banana cake and you go to yoga oh
yeah my god
would you know that that’s mckenna
used to say that that’s what yoga was invented for
what yoga was invented for was
maximizing cannabis it was
these people
would be eating cannabis
and when they were eating it they realized how good
it felt when you hold your body in certain positions
with no fucking
idea so they came up with this like
connection to spirituality
through eating cannabis
and holding
these poses
these difficult
poses fucking amazing
yeah cause something i don’t know what it is
about the energy of the
pose that makes you go into some
state when you’re high as fuck
but it really
does even if when you’re sober man i’ve done yoga sober
and after it’s over i felt high well the breathing
the breathing
intent the breathing that’s
going through your body is
focusing so much on the breathing
when i go in and i
ate a little
piece of banana
bread cause it’s
eight thirty in the morning when i
gotta go to you oh my goodness so i gotta
start blazing the
seven thirty but by the
time how long does it take to for a banana
bread to hit you
twenty minutes
twenty minutes
twenty five minutes i kick a little jaffa j to get
everything going
by ten afternoon
i’ve been downward dog i’ve been fucking
pigeons i’m in fun
and it’s and it’s you think
about your breathing
is so beautiful when you’re high
i want you to go in the water
and you have like and you
could hear your breathe
like right now yes
yeah when you
do yoga you can hear if you hear that you’ve reached it
right you reach that
level in that position
right and with the weed it makes it a lot easier
for me i’m a
loser i know ain’t
gonna lie you know you ain’t a
loser what you
talking about man really
like i said that’s what the reason why
yoga may have
very well been invented according to mckenna they
believe they were they invented yoga to maximize
the the effects of eating cannabis
it’s some i’ve gotten high play
basketball i’ve got high lifting weights
there’s nothing like eating
a little bit of weed and
going to yoga even if it’s a
basic class
just to focus on your breathing i do it
every tuesday
tomorrow i can’t i
gotta rush and then go to the airport
but i’ll do it i’ll eat an
edible in the morning
cause i have nothing else
and it is just fucking brilliant my body
randy parsons your good friend
ryan ryan parsons was at
the gym one day at justin’s and there was an argument
going on between
trainers and
these guys were
white guys they were in heads
the guy was saying that he’s been telling all his
clients to if please
after their workouts
their weight workouts to
smoke a little reef
because it’s
anti inflammatory
and it works better than anything
else even like the lettuce and shit it pulls the acid
out of your muscles lettuce
like lettuce when you
eat lettuce it pulls the acid out of your muscles when
you work out something like that
acid does something
lettuce does something
after you work out okay the
acid out of your muscles
so they can recover or something
okay well this guy was talking
about that weed
does that weeds an anti inflammatory yes really
and that they’re
scared to tell people because we’ll go fucking crazy
well it kind of makes
sense if it’s a pain killer if people
enjoy it for pain
it kind of makes
sense that it
would also be
you know for
inflammation he said it’s
really good for your joints yeah do something with the
well that’s one of the reason
they prescribe it for arthritis arthritis
yeah people a lot of people that have chronic arthritis
like i’ve talked to people that said that they they
literally couldn’t move
and then they would
smoke weed and then all the
sudden they
could walk around like they
could function
you know it allowed them to be mobile
i don’t know man it makes
sense i mean
it helps a lot
of people in a lot of different ways it’s just a
shame that we have to pretend that something
wrong with it
and people want us to
think it’s not a big deal like why do you guys talk
about weed all time fucking
losers first of
all we’re not
losers and don’t be mean
and second of all
it is a fucking important
issue man it
is important we know ourselves how it affects us
we know ourselves how much more aware
thank god you turn his mic off right
still get here and still get
that’s i wanted from
what i wanted from we
twenty years ago
is not what i want from we
today you wanted to escape
twenty years ago
i like that i have an only child
so i love living in my head guys you give me a fuck
you let me get my head you’re a dead man
really say yeah you let me get my
only child i’m
breaking fucking
down in no time i know it is to be in a
closet playing gi joe’s making up your home world at
disneyland is outside your fucking closet i’m
an only child
i know how to get the
party started by fucking head that’s why i like being
alone do you notice that
you give me weed
and an ipod you go fuck yourself
never mind two o’clock you go fuck yourself
i’m one of those guys joey will vanish sometimes
i could go on an island solo i like i
enjoy i don’t
i don’t creep out in my skin
well listen man that’s a beautiful quality in
comparison to the alternative
the alternative is someone who
needs people around
them all the time and needs attention all the time
and everybody knows how goddamn
annoying that is
i love where
that someone says extroverted as you but also
i guess it’s just a balance to yin and yang
right you need that down time too i really
enjoy my i never
enjoyed this throughout my life i always thought
you had to be moving when that’s what kills people
people don’t make enough time for themselves
themselves and what’s that not a trip to jamaica
one hour well people
don’t don’t
make enough
well it’s hard you
gotta manage
your life correctly to to get to a position
where you can
enjoy things
cause some people are just scratching
every week man
every week is scratching
trying to get
ahead can’t
get no fucking traction trying to figure it all out
that’s a tremendous amount of stress
you know last night
how we came over we’re smoking the mets og
and it was ten
after six or something
and we heard this bell bing
bing and it’s the mexican ice
cream man and it is the best ice
cream you’ll ever have it’s dairy
queen vanilla ice
cream and he makes a delicious banana split
i’ve been there for a year not one
brown spot in the banana
fresh mint and it’s
funny that he said to me you get so much
enjoyment from that ice
cream truck
your life is what you make
enjoyment i’m
not filthy loaded but i get off on that fucking ice
cream man coming
when i went to get
off on the ice when i went
to new york i talked to
ralphia he’s in this
hotel in the city and
i got this and that let me
fucking for we have the drop how come
ralphie doesn’t use the internet
because he feels that his clientele
doesn’t use the internet
what i don’t know that’s the answer that’s the most
ridiculous thing ever
he’s found the 1
of the population that isn’t online
i mean who the fuck is it online that’s so
silly it’s just really
weird who’s
online now that
expression is so true
that expression
is so true one man’s chicken is another man’s gumball
yeah the other
did a show in the city all my friends let’s go to
chinatown let’s do this long fucking
chinatown sucked
that place sucked
my place in richfield park chance dragon in
still the pound for
pound leader in old
school chinese food
you gotta eat
for egg roll
shrimp and lobster
sauce those has the pork in it
old school the noodles old
school dog old
school 30 i’ve been
going there
since 1979 to get
steak on a stick when i was a sophomore
steak on a stick
that’s in the cup
they have one of the best poo poo platters in the new
chinese food
so good on the east coast
it’s china closer and is
right the east
also to new york
must be you can get
great chinese food out here but it’s not consistent not
everything is good i go to a
place that the pork
fried rice you
think in the bronx
don’t get the
shrimp and garlic
sauce a lobster
cantonese you feel
like you’re eating it with a
white dude named chance lobster cantonese
nobody knows that
stuff to kill on
it last week come on
respect lobster cantonese a rare one
don’t get that
everywhere some people got to eat pasta
at rails you and i both know you take a little
train to fucking the bronx and you find the mountain
pop store for 14 95 you’re
gonna spaghetti and clamps
oh get hard
a hundred bucks you
could sleep in the back for an hour
yeah i know this
when i lived in new
rochelle we used to go to
frank and john i
know this so
frank and john’s in new
rochelle this is
when i lived in new
rochelle this is old
school italian place
that the fucking food was so good
it was right down the
street from me i
never ate anywhere else
i barely could afford to eat there every day
but i scraped by
every day barely affording it
are you drinking more
you’re fucking
we’re gonna finish this
what you need to do a
blackout cast oh yeah
let everybody know portland
oregon baby
where it’s all
the shows are almost sold out and we’re there
thursday friday and saturday
at helium comedy club
and it’s gonna be fun as fuck
i can’t wait and i’ve
never done like a long weekend
in portland i’ve only done like one
night there with air for a
ufc i did one
night in portland so i’m
gonna have a good
fucking time this
great food this gets
great strip clubs we got no
radio so we’re
going out yeah we got no
radio and helium
helium is the shit solid
and we gotta run this house
non stop comedy
non stop jobs
comedy tonight
brian cowan
it’s gonna be down there at sal’s
doug benson doug benson’s
gonna be down there at sal’s
sal’s comedy hole in hollywood
which is this really you’re gonna see it and you’re
gonna go really are we in the right fucking place
it says vienna
cafe outside doesn’t even have a sign it says
sal’s comedy hole it’s
the most low rent ghetto setup ever but it’s growing
and eventually he’s
well he’s doing construction he’s
gonna have the back room
it’s gonna be much better and bigger and
this is just a spot he had a nice spot in the brea
and he’s a cool guy and he was always cool to comics
and so we did you record to see it’s gonna be great dad
would you ever do
with that cd they recorded there i couldn’t
use it no there’s garbage no what happened was wrong
it was really
weird joe because
if you notice
after that i
changed everything
i hate listening to myself or
watching myself let’s get this out of the way
i got boxes of shit at the
house people give me
a but i taped you i don’t want to see myself not at all
and i thought there was a problem and one that i
watched that johnny depp on let him in
and let him
set them so
after the thing is no no no no
after i shoot
it’s over i don’t
watch myself because really i
felt okay i’m not the only retard i don’t like nothing
about that that’s why i
never listen to myself doing stand up
i can’t take my voice
but after i take that
special and i listen to it i was so ashamed of myself
that i made notes and shit
really help me and i
still i bring the ipod on i tape myself on
short sets during the week
i’m up to like six minutes and i got to shut it off
you know i can’t listen to the
whole thing and some
it’s hard to listen
to yourself but it’s good it’s good
because like what you said
how you you
force yourself to really
yeah five years
twisted you
got to do that man you got to do that you can’t
just take it on the audience’s reaction you got to
judge it as if you’re a comic
listening to another comic too
you know when i listen to my
stuff i go hmm
what how would i feel
about this is this
funny to me
you know i listen to it and i you know
forget about
how the audience is
laughing what does this make me
think does this make me do i
think this is the
right way to do this bit
should i shorten this part
this to verbose is this to this is this to that
and when you do that man
everything gets tighter and
stronger you
focus on it
it’s uncomfortable though it’s a terrible feeling
you feel like you’re
it’s a weird thing man
because the same the energy that
brings you to be creative
the energy that
brings you to
smash it on stage
that is not a
selfish energy people
think it is
because it seems like it is
cause you’re on
stage going what the fuck cocksucker
and everyone’s laughing
but to do it
right to be
tuned in to
those people
really you have to be almost
selfless you
have to be tuned in this crazy way
where it’s all just
about this fun that we’re having it’s not
about me it ain’t
about me you know i’m saying
so it’s like
the opposite that you
would get from
like someone who like listens
to themselves like yeah i’m the shit listen to me
i’m the shit
it’s almost like you know that that’s the poison that
thinking like that is the poison that takes away the
magic because if you
start thinking you’re the shed you
start thinking you know
that you’re something special and
you lose your
whole connection with the
magic you know
so that’s one of the reasons why you feel uncomfortable
you don’t wanna listen and
you don’t wanna be that guy who wants
to get get in my car listen to my new
my set last
night tell me
tell me what i did you know
you ever been in someone’s car and they make you listen
to their fucking routine
tell me about this new bit is there anything you
could add to this
like oh jeez i
wrote this joke i want to try oh no
yeah yeah don’t try i’ve
never tried i don’t try
yeah you say it or you don’t say it
you know if you just the idea that you’re trying it out
look it ain’t a fucking weapon all
right it’s goddamn joke doing a
stage do it on a
stage take your goddamn chances
and the more
you do that the more you know what the fucks
gonna work in the
first place you don’t have to talk to people
about stuff like that you know it’s
crazy because with
me i have a hard time writing if i’m not in the zone
hmm well i’m with people like i like
getting pissed off to a degree before i go on stage
like i like get a little
pissed off is
something i make yeah you get mad you get like
fake arguments with people i want to do that one time
eddie bravo we were all in
the back at the
house of blues
he’s like you guys with your fucking bullshit
you fucking
me and he’s like why is joey getting
upset i’m like
just gotta put himself in that place
he’s not really mad at us
no i’m not mad at nobody but
he’s i need
something i need something you
fucking guys i need
fucking oh i need to use a
vaporizer listen
cock sucker
i was smoking weed with an
apple when i was five
it’s just really
crazy how when i’m around you guys
sometimes just being mad makes me
say something you like joey you got a fucking say that
yeah and i’ll forget for a
month i’ll forget
you guys like joey did you say the fucking
stage yet i’m like
you guys gotta
force me i’m
like your records keeper i’m always telling
you about that shit
did you do you
still doing that thing
about a dead dick you
still doing that thing
yeah about the soldier yeah
don’t say anymore
these people must see that on stage oh
when you did that we have that video
still do you have that
video you gotta
do something with that
video but just even if it’s for internal use only
i need to see that set
give me that set please
brian i thought i sent it to
you already no you didn’t
you didn’t get me that set joey from from brea
it was last
night right it was
sunday night
yeah jesus fucking christ
i’ve never seen anybody kill harder than that
the only thing
that was closer to someone killing harder than that
was when you killed in
vegas at the
mandalay bay theater
holy shit when you were doing that bit
about fucking
having that fist
fight with the nun
holy shit i
might not have ever
laughed that hard at anything ever in my whole life
it was the funniest
thing i’ve ever seen you know we missed a comedy store
and that’s the bad
thing because during the week that’s what you enjoyed
laughing at each
other laughing
at each other and
that really
took away from my career because you see bill
burgold on a tuesday yeah
and wanna die you know he don’t care he’s so confident
that you want to try different things
you know we always get into conversations nostalgic
about the store and
at the end they were constant
whatever but
you know i don’t take away the
truth from anything
that’s what’s really lacking i wish we had and the
sounds is becoming sounds is
becoming that we just need some more people to go
down there support i’ve been out of town on wednesdays
we’ve got a
plenty plenty of people bill burr was by last week and
sarah sylvan
was by the week before
and it’s doug benson’s coming down all the time
steve renezez
he came and
crushed it really
i need to meet that dude i
still never met that dude
i don’t know
i’m a big fan of that dude that dude makes me laugh
he makes me laugh like
very few dudes he’s one of my top favorite guys to
watch that was like if
someone sends me a clip
someone sends me a clip and says
hey check out this katt williams clip
that fucking
thing where he was
going after
steve harvey
oh shit that’s funny
and one of the
things he’s accentuate something
and as they accentuate it he
slides across the room
like he’s kicking someone in the nuts
and as he does it he goes i’m a little nigga i
fight dirty
and he slides
slides on the stage
with his little
foot up in the air like he’s kicking somebody
in the balls
he’s a wild
dude man he makes me
laugh hard we were talking
about him a nerve
yeah you have no idea the numbers he does oh he does
crazy numbers
he goes you know that
place where we go to the ufc
he does that he does the
pearl at the palms that’s like 5 000 seats
that’s a big ass
place they have
big bands there katt william sells that fucker out man
and there’s
pictures of him in
the casino with like fur coats on and shit and diamonds
he’s hilarious man
that dude really makes me laugh
cause he’s just
going for it all the time
he’s not trying to be anything
other than he is
he’s just trying to be
funny he’s just
going for it all the time
going for the funny
going for the funny
and he’s fucking good dude
he does a funny thing
about fucking shaquille o’neal trying to be a cop
dude it’s fucking hilarious
it’s about how
shaquille o’neal’s
three year old was his height
it’s oh oh oh dude
it’s so funny
that special and that
thing that he did on michael jackson that made him a
storm when you
watch that bit on youtube
you watch that and you see the
black people
they don’t even know how to act because he’s saying
the truth yeah see the
truth is a motherfucker when you say it the
right way on stage
even if it’s
wrong what he was saying
where’s michael jackson
he’s probably
smelling little
baby’s booty holes or
something that is a
classic fucking line and he just runs from
there with it guys yeah he runs with it he attacked
when was the last time you seen michael jackson with a
woman not never
because all that
crazy shit brother that shit was that made him
a star that little piece
of him being himself
just that little
piece that comics pray for that utopia to come
one day it’s important to have guys like that out there
i like guys that are just
going for it
you know i like guys are out there just fucking
going for it
there’s a lot of people that
think the comedy
is you know comedy is
about the respect of your peers and creating the proper
clever joke with the
right wording and
it’s not man it’s
about entertainment
value it’s about your
stand up comedy
and to these
these days man
you comedy doesn’t even nearly have
to be that deep anymore if you want to get deep man
why you tell you know
you can you
could do a podcast and get deep you could
write a blog and get deep you know you could you
you can have a conversation with an intelligent person
you don’t have to get that deep beer comedy
the shit that makes me
laugh is cat williams sliding across the floor
kicking some dude in the ball
i’m a little
nigga i fight dirty
and when he does it’s so natural
it’s so funny man
ah that guy kills me man he’s got some great shit
i i and you know what he had
he actually had some real good advice too that i took
he said that
he listens to
he has on his ipod he has like a playlist
of all music that he listens to
right before he goes on stage
and i’m like damn that’s a
great idea because i have just like a
group of like some of my favorite songs
on my ipod that i just i
throw on it’s on my iphone too i’ll
throw them on like when i’m
at the gym or whatever but i don’t have a specific list
just for stand up
but that’s a good fucking idea
it’s a real good idea so i
started doing that
i started doing that just
based on that
because i know
music if you listen to like
the right kind of music
the right kind of
music can fucking get you in a good groove
man you know
especially if you haven’t
sometimes when
you listen to
music too much you lose its
power you don’t
have that feeling anymore it just loses its impact
but every now and then a song will just
jack you and let you know what’s possible
remember when we were at the brea
improv and we were in the parking lot
and i had that nissan truck
and you got out and had that crazy
sound system in
and you got out of your car you like joe rogan
joe rogan put this fucking cd in
right now in the summer down to summer
hot stuff you put on hot stuff
sitting here eating
my heart oh it’s a
good shit on that
greatest hits
some music drives you fucking nuts
i love music i love music
i love love it skinner
listen to let it skin it lately oh shit
i love that
skinner i love
almond brothers from the 70s leonard skinner
i love that vibe man there’s
something about that time like
if i’m in a pool hall and
sweet home alabama comes on it’s like
like your girlfriend just comes over and rubs your neck
you know i’m saying
it’s like someone comes over and gives you a hug
like that’s like don’t don’t
you know that you
oh sweet song
what a great song
this guy blue
what’s up and
they’re singing it they’re singing it man we doing
why do you like
your get your finger on the
trigger what are you doing over there
what are you doing
just waiting for
to get out of
here how long
we’ve been doing this
it’s seven fifty
well we just
we’re gonna be late for a show
whatever so we’re a couple minutes late there’s a
whole internet out there
but i’m running the show yeah
yeah which is even better
because they can’t go there without you being there
i can’t start it
i gotta go we did it two guys
this is it this is how we’re
gonna end this fucking
thing that’s it
this is the end
my my only friend
the end down down down
thank you to the
flashlight if you go to joe rogan
net entering the code name rogan you will get 15
off the flashlight
we will see you
this weekend in portland oregon at helium comedy club
thursday friday and saturday
it’s mad flavor
aka joe diaz
aka planet rock
no sharp with no wag weed
only the best
motherfuckers and
brian redband will also be performing on
stage that’s
right we’re
gonna rock it this week
thank you very much for
tuning in and we will see you guys
stay black next
week either
monday or tuesday we’re trying to get
kevin from attack of the show he
should be on
yeah how about
oh burke christ
is gonna be on yeah what