The Joe Rogan Experience #96 - Kevin Pereira

ladies and gentlemen the joe rogan

experience podcast is brought to you by the flashlight

if you go to joe rogan

net click on the link that says flashlight

enter in the code name brogan you get 15 off

alright and with that said buckle up bitches

the joe rogan experience

brian thinks it’s

funny to keep playing that black guy’s

voice actually totally forgot fake black guy’s voice

it’s much more much more offensive

before we get

started i think i have to say more about the

flashlight i don’t think that’s a 15

second ad it’s awesome

i shoot loads into it

i recommend you do the same can i hop in on this yes

kevin pereira wants to shoot loads into a

flashlight we’re gonna

i want to believe in a

world where i can but as i said i get a wave of

guilt and sin and filth that washes over me

every time i climax and i can’t imagine

saving that into

a fleshy device that i didn’t have to dishwasher

it feels better but it’s more embarrassing yeah

and kevin’s brought wine we don’t do it gentlemen

we’re sophisticated

cheers cheers mate cheers

this is i mean we have wine coconut

water yeah we have coffee

and we’re stoned

and you know i don’t

there’s a thing

i don’t have a lot of obsessive compulsive shit

but one thing i have is if you’re making a toast

you gotta click

glasses with everybody

have to yes yeah what is this like

sort of half assed gesture

some people don’t want to lean across the table

listen you lazy bitch

are we all in this together or what we got clink

glasses and you have to

tap it on the ground

on the table

first before you

drink it oh really yeah you do what’s that about

it’s like a no tag back

thing you just have to do it

i’ve never done that does that signify i’m done my

glasses in yes

my whole life i’ve done them wrong

you’ve been sending mixed messages

to people you

could be getting in

fights and not knowing this is like a

jiu jitsu technique

where you realize you couldn’t finish it

all you had to do was just one little

thing one little

thing different

i didn’t click my

god damn it gentlemen here’s the mulligans

cheers yes mulligans i don’t even know what that means

what is a mulligan

do over i never played got

you got tap joe you just

did you tap mmm

yeah yeah yeah

i never i never tapped

gives a fuck he

never taps never tapped i’m

tapping bitch

how does it i

shook myself out out of all the douchey

t shirts i’ve ever seen related to

mixed martial arts

one of them was tap or snap

it’s up to you

mma fashion has got to evolve man how many

wolves and skeletons and

chains can you wear around your neck

before you’re asking to get in a

fight dude i got this new company it’s

about to break off it’s called

break my dick off in your ass

fight gear this is

this is the

fucking the logos a dragon fucking a pitbull in the ass

covered in glitter

bro i need to get you and dana

whiten on this dude have you got the new tank

top by two knuckles deep

it’s so good

the moment you go two

knuckles deep man you’re

gonna tap it’s a

mute technique all the cuts are too man

goddamn yeah

slain pierre has been training

really mad i did not know that you can get

three knuckles

wow that’s incredible

but then again

bella don is only a hundred

pounds she get a baseball bat that is god bless her

what the fuck is that all

about that should be an olympic

sport gaping

it should absolutely be a

sport or spitting in the gaping hole like a

basketball type

thing for accuracy yeah

right that’s hard to do

especially when you have a

chest cold because it

sticks to the everything

none of this

existed when i was a child

no it did just

i don’t think

people knew

about it do you

think it did do you

think there’s

a lot of assholes

touching there

spitting in assholes

if we had flipcams back

in the 1800s you’d see victorian gaping it’s probably

worse victorian era

there’s some

of it that’s so bad like that guy that max hardcore guy

he went to jail for it

mean you gotta do something really fucking creepy

for them to be wanting to lock you up in jail in

2011 or 10 whether or

maybe it was even nine for porn

but this fucking guy man he was

opening girls assholes up

and with like

like speculums is that what it’s called

whatever medical instrument little

thing that you stretch it

apart with and then

peeing in there

and then making girls

drinking out with a

straw allegedly

the leaky basement

they were talking

about this sal

was talking

about this on the stern show

i don’t know if it’s true but it is

true i don’t

doubt it i don’t

doubt it at

all i’ve seen

a lot of shit

but see i was seeing shit back in the bulletin

board dial up days when i was like 9 10 years old

which explains a lot

oh right and

the russian soldier putting

his foot on a head and cutting a neck open and going

oh it would be

steamy because it was cold outside

like that analysis of fucked up shit at the

age of 9 or 10

so i believe it was all out there but what i don’t get

are how girls are making

money off of non porn

because guys are

sexually objectified by it like

the crushers that will

crush a cell

phone with a heel

or pump a gas

pedal on a car there’s a

lot of fucked up there’s out there they can get i mean

we do a what the fuck segment on our show

where it’s like

girls that get in pools wearing jean jackets

and they make like 30

a month off


cause some dude’s like

oh look at that

dent i’m getting wet

oh mommy would have

spanked me whoa

now i gotta clean my

flashlight or the minion have you ever seen the minion

it’s like a website we’ve talked

about this before

where this crazy ugly

nasty fat guy just fucks

these hot porn stars but who wants

i mean i can see

where it’s like

kinda cool i forgot

about this one but

like who wants to subscribe to that

guy well that was always the detramer of ron jeremy

right right

anybody all the time i kind of

like it was

a girl the beginning was

sort of a normal looking guy but then he became hideous

took time but

clearly he’s in the hideous realm i mean everyone goes

bad eventually

he’s fucking hideous

you know that’s part of the charm

there’s something

about the internet man and

technology in general that has

accelerated porn

to just and

accelerated depravity and just

decadence into just like really fucking intense levels

that have never

existed before i mean at

first it was seen as this bastion of hope that was

going to elevate

discussion and

bring intellectuals together and further

everything and it has done that to an extent

but it’s really just created hardcore porn

like really hardcore porn i

think the thing is

i think it’s

gonna change

young people

before good or bad and probably both

but i think once you’re old

and you already have like a pattern set in your head

it’s way easier

to just jerk off to more and more fucked up shit

than it is to

look at the latest findings on

hypernovas or

look deep into

the real possibilities created by the

large hadron collider

that’s too much man fuck that no pink ladder

that’s where i’m

going exactly

i wanna watch some guy shit in some

chicks mouth

because i can’t

you know i mean there’s guys that like

they’re so angry at women they

wanna shit in

their mouth

like you fucking

bitch you fucking ugh

what could she have done

just exist exist

exist and be unattainable

that’s what it is that’s mom issues

right just dudes

there’s a lot

of weak bitches out there that’s what it is

there’s a lot of dudes mom issues are not you

gotta fucking

look at the

whole world around you

make an assessment look

go on your instincts what is positive what is negative

what is admirable what makes you jealous

go towards that

and i always say

aspire to be the man

that you pretend to be when you’re trying to get laid

okay aspire

to be that guy for real actually become that guy

you know just you

don’t have to use your mama’s issues and all that stuff

get your shit together bitch

that’s why i got an

m three because i want to be the guy that

doesn’t need a personality that’s what i’m talking

about i want to be the guy

are you moist yet plus

they’re the shit and there they handle awesome

i love cars man

i’m so fascinated by the engineering that

i couldn’t possibly

be responsible for myself i look at something like a

m3 or something like that

thinking about all the fucking shit that’s involved

with all the different

settings the

m setting and also the

suspension changes you feel it set a

macro for your car and all of a

sudden it’s like the car is sucking

you by the asshole and just holding you to action

just the engineering

i believe that there’s 30 german engineers

that shed a single tear whenever i put the top down

like i believe they’re so

proud of their work and the time and

all the effort that went into making a

piece of plastic fold

i believe that they’re crying

about it i love that that’s not plastic wow

that’s one of the coolest

things about the top of the

mt3 convertible

mm3 convertible rather

because it’s all one

piece and metal that’s like the coolest

thing and they figured out how to

do recently it’s like a

transform it goes into like

three little

sections you have two sections in the window it’s dope

watch when he does it

it’s amazing like it’s like an orchestration of

mechanical engineering you

hear the foam

you hear them

break easily isn’t there

like oh you know

just more shit you know the more moving parts yeah

but that’s my life that’s everybody’s life now

right we get more shit so that it

could break so

that we can get pissed that it’s shit and it’s amazing

how reliable

those things are

you know the most

unreliable car i ever had was a porsche i had a 911

turbo that broke down five times it was

ridiculous bmws i’ve

never had a problem japanese cars i’ve

never had a problem it’s amazing how many

miles you can put on a car these days

and there’s no problem

like back when you had like a

1970 barracuda

or something like that yo

hundred thousand

miles that thing’s done

all right you get your

bearings are

blown and fucking


gone some missing gears and the engine

smells like shit

i mean you have to rebuild

everything those

things just didn’t last remember

those supras we had with the

lights that popped up and

mine did one of yours

break no i didn’t have that

one yeah i had the one with the

fixed i had a 92

or 93 toyota supra

when they went to that

space shape that was the

first really cool car that i got

that was my newsradio money

but there’s

something about

just the engineering of

these fucking cars

that’s accelerated as well like

the m3 like the m

this m3 that i have is 420 horsepower

well the 911

turbo that i had was like

somewhere around the same like 420 horsepower

but it was all

turbo charged and it was

like all tweaked

down yeah and it’s a different sort of a feeling

well this car is that with a full v8 with an 84 000 rpm

you know rev

limit i mean

it’s fucking incredible is it eighty

four thousand eighty

eight thousand

four hundred

eight thousand

four hundred yeah

but when it hits

eight thousand

four hundred man that

whale it’s like a formula one race car it

sounds awesome have you done launch control yet

no that sounds like it’s

gonna kill the

transmission yeah

well if you warm your engine up you have to

drive for x amount of

miles at certain

speeds or whatnot you can drop it into

first shut off traction control

and if you hold

one of the shifter paddles in

or you put it in neutral

slam on the gas

while holding a

shifter paddle like

a checkered flag will appear

on the dash

and that’s launch control

yeah no there’s

total easter eggs in the software

and then you can use

like your cruise control actual controls to

boost up the

rpm so when you let go

it engages that clutch

when you’re already at you know

7000 8000 rpm

screams and you’ll

break your neck

that’s badass

how’d you find out

about that internet oh it’s pretty common

it’s common

the nissan actually did it for

their gtr and when people used it

it violated the warranty

what they say

the bmw if you do it over

twice apparently it

counts how many times you

do it it violates your warranty test wow that’s funny

that’s ridiculous

make a better

thing don’t give me something that

breaks stupid

the nissan one was


ridiculous because it’s a goddamn race car

i mean what nissan was bragging about was

the 0 to 60 time was

ridiculously low

and the handling of the car is insane

fucking amazing car

i drove it but

there’s something

about it it’s like yeah it’s really fast and yeah

but it’s ugly

it’s like it’s

goofy looking

it’s got some sort of a techno godzilla

thing going on that i’m not really into

it stands out too much

but for all the

like if a ferrari stands out

you know it

stands out but it

stands out it’s like it’s beautiful

that car stands out like what’s

going on our

car stand out

cause they look like baby

sneakers on

wheels it’s not a good stand out

yeah it’s an odd

stand out like i

don’t particularly i

tried to like it i looked around it and stared at it i

tried to like it but

the engineering though is

stunning what

about electric cars like the tesla

they’re not ready

i’m interested in them eventually but i’m not

interested in something that you have to charge for 18

hours after you drive 250

that’s stupid

i’m interested

in the gallons though i get 15 gallons of gas per

you have a big

truck i know but that shit’s

yeah it’s disgusting well it makes you mad when it

starts hitting 4 30 and

i mean what is it now 420 for regular

premiums like i

think 450 at chevron

by my point was

about the bmw is that

what’s really

shocking is how much

better engineered they are just over a few years ago

compared to my supra

like the supra

was a really good handling car was like

but this m3 is like

glued to the fucking ground i

love it it’s on

track first

nice car that i’ve ever had in my life and it’s like

you turn the

wheel and the car just goes yeah it

doesn’t ask questions it’s so connected to the road

so it’s so like

what’s the word i mean precise

you know like the way it handles and moves and

the germans are

known for their precision and shit in

the mouth videos

that’s up with that why the germans into

those scat videos

germans and japanese i don’t you can’t

point fingers now with the internet everybody’s into

everything yeah yeah

mmm they just wanna

but wasn’t at the root

i mean behind

every stereotype

well they just had an awesome word for it

is that what shaza

shaza shaza

point wow and who

wouldn’t like to yell that shaza

is shit that’s what it is yeah shaza

is shit had a good word i don’t know if

shaza itself is or if that’s just an exclamation you’d

make when you’re actually crapping on someone but wow

yeah enough that they had to fucking

label it so

often like there’s one porn when a guy shits in his

mouth oh no no no we have a

whole category of that yeah what

a guy shits on someone’s

mouth and there’s a category

that’s what people are into

well where else do you put it on the

shelf at the

adult video

store you know

yeah there is no more of those

they still exist do

they exist i

went to a sex shop the other day

just a lube run

stand up run to the mill

and feel like we

should be hearing

music why don’t you just go to albertson people

were there do

special taste

no but this guy comes up to the

counter and he buys

like a card he’s like he’s like

five dollars in

the booth and

a dude went and got a plastic card and they had a

whole adult

video arcade back there

and i saw at

least 10 different people come in in the

short time that i was there

to buy video cards to go in the back and beat off wow

and maybe there was something way cooler

maybe there was the

glory hole action or

maybe it was a unicorn ride

i don’t know what’s happening back there

like maybe there was some

crazy shit going on

my friend johnny

god rest his soul he used to go to new york

he’s an addict and he used to

smoke crack

and go to those peep shows

that was his

thing when he would

smoke crack you

would want to go hide and

go to peep shows peep

shows hide in

those places all day and just

give the girl

money tell me

these horror stories

about what kind of

women are on the

other side like showing you

their asshole

do you think like girls

are like in

those glass

boxes like behind like you

know that hotel

where they have a girl in the

glass box behind the

checkout that’s on

sunset have you ever seen that yes

i know what you’re talking

about do you

think standard is the

standard do you

think like that

that’s like the upgraded version of the peep show

girls like oh my god they like they

fight with each

other i work in the box of the

standard this weekend it’s no

people that don’t know what we’re talking

about when you go to the

standard as you go into the lobby

the standard

hotel in hollywood has the desk

where they check you in and

above the desk there’s like a fish tank

like a big fish tank

with a woman in it

and she’s hot and she’s in her

underwear and she’s reading a book or she’s

checking her

email and it’s

weird yeah and she’s not supposed to interact with you

they don’t look at you and

smile and wave

cause that would be so anti la

right in la no

one pays attention to you it’s not like she’s there to

greet you like in

vegas if they were

gonna hire a hot

chick they’d hire you

hello welcome to the casino

nice to meet you

do you need help with your bags yeah in la

she’s in her

underwear reading her

email and you’re like looking at her

i was with doug benson in

vegas and they had one of the same

things but the girls were so

excited to see doug benson they got out of character

and got out of the

glass box to take a

photo with him

awful duck benson

did that end with benson in the box

shaking it for people making out

with glassy

eyed bone neck

i love that dude i’m

so jealous and envious of people that can perform well

stoned listen you’re

stoned right now stop

lying allegedly

stop lying on

those people allegedly

stop lying to america

you know you said something

in your twitter when you were

tweeting about coming here

that you were

worried about ruining your career

i thought that was hilarious not

worried i was

excited by the possibility

of ruining not my current like

i could get

pretty much caught doing whatever i need to on g4

right i mean the audience gets it you know they’re all

young dudes too

but if i’m on the precipice

of either homelessness or


legitimizing myself and

this might be a nudge in one direction

you think so man i

think it’s a nudge towards the

right direction no i’ve always said

i have always said

that if i can’t say or do something that i want to do

i’m in the wrong business yeah you know

or i’m doing the wrong show

well you can

do you can back yourself

into a corner and not even realize it’s happening

you know you get

on a certain show and that certain show wants a certain

standard of behavior

i mean there’s a reason why charlie sheen is

bouncing back like this

he’s like a girl that’s been molested

you know a girl that’s been molested they bounce

back the other way

no it’s not that he’s a

victim it’s like when you do

something that you don’t want to do

and you have to pretend to be some of them you’re not

there’s like

when you get pushed in one way

there’s an elasticity to life

and it makes you bounce in the other way

and it’s like you know like we were talking to dana

diamon and she was talking

about her family was like you know hey

smoke pot do whatever you want but don’t

drink so i will fucking drink

you know there’s a you push someone

in one direction you to controlling one direction

they rebel you know there’s

not agree agree and

and you know

like i said if i can’t say or do

i’ve absolutely lost

endorsement deals

i’ve lost all sorts of

stuff from i’m not

gonna say that i’m not

gonna do that and

well it may have cost me a

short term i

think long term it’s the way to go so if we’re talking

about shizer porn and bmws

so be it cheers

it’s just a matter of time before there is no more

sensors and

standards and all that nonsense like the internet is

pretty much kind of squashed

a good huge

chunk of that shit

i worry you

could put your content out

yeah i worry

about that ending at some

point yeah me too

especially as

the notion of iptv internet tv

and we’ll get to the normal

thing probably at some point but

the notion that

that the distribution method

the way you’re getting the content is

going to matter in five years it’s not

so when people turn on the tv and they’re

watching the internet

there’s gonna be calls for

regulations and

clamp downs just the way there is

you’ll still be able to

self distribute always

that avenue will be there to an extent well there’s no

regulation on

cable you know

cables not just

they’re not

regulated by the expertise

yeah yeah but then

if you don’t use advertisers i mean isn’t that what

motivates it

it’s very difficult it’s

going to be very difficult to rationalize imposing

some sort of standards

would have something really fucked up happening

and that’s what you really have to

worry about and this is fucking

tin foil hat conspiracy theory

101 okay it

sounds absolutely

ridiculous but

if you were the government and you realize that hey

what have all these

rebellions all across the

world have in common

well they have in common

these people

organized on the internet in a way that was

never possible before

okay how do we stop that from happening well

we have to figure out a way that the internet’s evil

and so then

the internet gets used for something or blamed for

something and there’s some sort of a terrorist attack

that was coordinated by the internet

okay there is a way around this and you can

still enjoy your internet but

now you have to log

in i mean there’s

been legislation proposed the internet kill

switch which people were talking

about like mad and it was actually

right before

egypt happened

right and then

they actually discussed it

right as egypt was happening

the main revolt

the notion that up it’s for your

safety security there’s something

going on the

switch is now

flipped and there goes your internet

we have no idea how much of crises sees and political

overthrowing of governors

and you know

fucking warlords and

and and mayors and and

we have no idea how much of this shit is engineered

how much of foreign dictators

they’re getting

overthrown is engineered and engineered by the cia

general wesley clark

was talking

about this was a

video that i was

watching i put it on my twitter a couple of days ago

but he was talking in two thousand seven

okay in detail

about the plans that are in place

to overthrow

dictatorships throughout the

world including libya

gaddafi was here yeah

they were supporting gaddafi up

until that bitter end and then they said okay now we’re

gonna arm the

rebels yeah

so that they

could eventually

become al qaeda and hate us as well once they get into

power the whole

thing is completely

ridiculous but

our reputation

squandered it’s gone

wasn’t there a

point i remember being younger and being told

usa number one and believing that okay that’s what the

world thought they all aspired but now

now we’re a

bunch of scared old men

a bunch of scared old men that want to keep

everybody down i mean that’s what it seems like i mean

this whole country

seems like a

bunch of meddling fucks

you know and when it comes to the rest of the world

if i wasn’t american and i didn’t know that

most of us here are

as much victims as the people around the

world that’s just not happening to us physically

we’re just as

taken apart by this machine and pushed into a direction

outside of our control

it’s not like we want this to happen

the disparity between rich and poor in this country

is far greater than the disparity of rich and poor

in many middle eastern

places well

yeah man listen

we can’t get

started on that

again i’ll go on an inside job

you know rampage

about the financial institutions let’s talk

about fucking into

socks let’s talk

about anything let’s talk

about google

tv i watched

inside job the

other day steven

have you seen it have you seen it

it’s mind nulling it’s also brutal

but what we’ve done

financially is the same

thing we’re doing

with other parts of the

world as far as

with resources and

invading countries and dominating things

what we’re doing

things with

no regard whatsoever to the consequences and

no regard whatsoever

in how we’re viewed

and that’s the thing

about this inside job

all these guys

didn’t have any

problem walking with hundreds of millions of dollars

looking absolutely

ridiculous looking horrible

if they can get away with it they’re

gonna do it and that’s exactly the same shit

that’s happening

with america and

these other parts of the

world what’s

going on in iraq

where no one is mentioning the fact that

literally a million people are

dead over there a fucking million people died in iraq

and we know for a fact there was no real

weapons of mass destruction

we know for a fact

i mean just the

fact that everybody’s like yeah yeah yeah yeah whatever

keep going forward

like we’re not addressing that no

because joe we have to

focus on the important

things killing funding for

planned parenthood

and early education

because we have to do some serious cuts yeah we have to

we can only

drop so many billion dollar bombs isn’t the government

shut down right now is there no

government to

is this a part of armageddon

is this just one more

thing like those

dolphins died

at all in 2012 i thought

like the mines just got lazy and they didn’t want to

count anymore

they’re like fuck it alright much more

common kid than that it’s way more


when i seen

the procession of the

equinox it’s

based on the 26 000 year cycle

but you know it

doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the

world that’s the

crazy thing is

nowhere in the mayan

calendars does

it sends the end of a long count

it’s a new era that

doesn’t mean anything i mean

it could just mean that

you know generally

speaking humanity

develops in

cycles you know

that’s what the

hindus believe too the yugas

the whole idea of the yugas that there was

cycles of humanity and that we eventually

just by virtue of our design

we get to a

point of laziness and sloth once we have it all down

like we do today

and then eventually it

would spiral

out of control and then be the dark ages again

well either we’re heading towards dark ages or like


one of the two yeah

or both right

fucking you hoarding

all the information inside some gigantic electric city

where everyone’s in some hive mind

state just call this ion

barbarians outside the gate i mean

even if you connect to the hive mind i mean

if that does happen this

transhumanism actually does manifest itself

we’re still

gonna have people

that are living in guam

right how are we

gonna get them and put

chips in them

no they’re gonna be used to mine

the materials

necessary to make the

chips that’s how

they go some of them but in the

pacific islands you

gonna go and kidnap them we’re

gonna enslave them is it

gonna be some terminator shit

there’s gonna be some people i

think they’re

still gonna be living old

school yeah

no matter what you do i met some of

those guys i met

a group of ex vietnam

vets in the emerald triangle

that are living in a box canyon

northern california

it’s oh that’s

where baby counties

where they grow the weed dog

so what happened

so i’m up there and i’m chatting with this guy bea

smith who’s an ex vietnam

vet he was the

first guy busted by the feds after

it was like

legal state wise

and he’s growing in a box canyon with like 17

other ex vietnam

vets there’s

only one road in one road out it takes like two hours

to drive it

and they all live

there in a community growing acres and acres of weed

and are they doing it

legit are they doing it like on the

sneak tip dude it’s

and i’ve interviewed so many people

about this and even the most

legit guys have some shady shit

going on it

still seems like

no matter what

loopholes they try to pretend they’re exploiting

we take donations and we’re a caregiver yeah

yeah dude you have some shady

shit in your past and you have two sets of books like

every other dispensary operator out there

so don’t preach holy dude

i think you’re fucking up the

cause here no

throwing these guys

under the bus

man here’s my no one

going any camping trips with

these dudes i love the

cause but i do not like people there’s nothing

wrong with wanting to get fucking

baked there’s nothing

wrong with weed

what is wrong are people that are co opting the

medicinal marijuana movement

and claiming that

they’re just

stoners that are trying to make money

or like getting loaded

and they’re pretending it’s

their medicine

right and i’m like you know there’s no that’s me

are you are you

claiming it’s medicine

oh yeah it’s

medicine i need it

why can’t you just like to

get high i do that too

i do that too but it’s

about but i’m

seeing all these

but you’re right i

agree with you i know what you’re saying i’m

going to these conventions and seeing

these guys that have like new like oh yeah

sativa benoit

balls now it’s the coolest

medication you’ll ever get it’s like

you just found out a new way to get ripped or on high

for your asshole don’t pretend whoa

that sativa benoit

balls is this something you just made up yeah

but i’m sure it is that would

be awesome if it was real

if the dot com is available let’s go down

here this is belladonna’s new

video right

sativa benoit

people find

a way to keister

everything from champagne to

ecstasy to i’m sure there’s a

video online of a

young lady i think

her youtube name is nero soup

and she took dmt up her ass yeah

dmt up your ass

absorbs directly

into the bloodstream

like dmt didn’t get any harm i

wonder if you

could do that if you snorted

i don’t know

you know what i

think that the internet’s

gonna happen like how the government’s

gonna get involved instead of the doing the kill

switch i almost

think that they’re

gonna do what

like web hosts have been doing lately which is

yeah that used to be the old days web hosts were like

unlimited bandwidth unlimited this blah blah blah 20

bucks a month

neutrality yeah yeah

and i think the government’s just

gonna release hey we have internet too

you don’t have to sign up for this internet too

but if you want to it’s like a thousand times faster

but the only

stipulation is

because now web hosts are doing the same

thing it’s like hey

if you switch to

cloud based servers

you still get

everything else but now you have to pay for ram but

the way they’re

gonna do that is

they’re gonna turn the internet

you know now into that with net

neutrality or the lack thereof

so it’s gonna be you pay for the internet you get

premium superfast bandwidth access to the

stuff we want

you to have access to how important is the message

to people that we need to keep the internet free it has

most people’s one of them is

gonna be one

of the most important debates of our time i

agree you know

and the fact

that they were trying like i thought google was

gonna be good on this

i really thought they were

gonna be the good guy in the fight

and the deal that they did with verizon and the fcc

is insane it

basically says listen

your traditional

broadband not

gonna fuck with it bro

net neutrality you guys are good

that wireless spectrum space

we can totally

clamp that down

well how many people believe wires are in our future

none it’s all

going high speed wireless and that’s the way it’s

gonna be delivered

and they’re pretending like

they’re gonna totally

clamp down on that so

you’re gonna pay

for your internet it’ll probably be provided wirelessly

and then if you want

access to really good stuff

so at amp t

and paying more

at amp tm bing for life right well

my concern is censorship my concern isn’t just over

control of bandwidth and

stuff like that my concern

control of bandwidth is it

is you’re right you know

you know yeah the ability to disseminate information as

quickly as possible is one of the most important parts

about it you know

i think that eventually

we’re gonna have to figure out

how much control we’re gonna

allow the government to have over us because

people as a group


have to realize that there has never been

one thing in

human history


for more access to information than the internet

and it’s because of the free nature of it the free

you could put up a website

right now and

just put up the craziest fucking shit you want

and people will go to it and then it gets oh hey

check this out and

virally it spreads

there’s never been anything like that ever in life

except rumors

rumors were the only

things that had

been spread

like it took years

to go from one

place to the

other now it’s instantly

yeah like the richard gear

gerbil and the butt rumor

right that shit

spread over the

whole country

you know that

took it took a long ass time for that to happen

no pun intended yeah

no pun intended

but when you talk

about that’s the only

thing that you

know the the internet anything is

just like the richard gear gerbil of the but story any

literally anything can be

any new item that happens like

literally gets to your twitter like almost instantly

like my twitter is responsible for

like 80 of the

shit i read online

is like someone

tweets me stuff

you know like dude you

gotta check

this out it’s now and i just retweeted back it’s like

people are tweeting me the most fascinating shit

if i lived 30 years ago

this would have

never happened you

would have to

live in a university town and you

would have to either

teach or you’d have to be around students all

the time or you’d have to be in some sort of a really

challenging job

where the other people that around you were like really

creative and constantly reviewing information

right in order to get this kind of a

kind of a richness

in like what comes in

you know we’re so

lucky man and yet

i’d say what 7

of internet users take advantage of that

you know and

that’s the hardest part

and now it’s being it’s so convoluted you have no idea

where that information is coming from

is it remotely reliable

the internet’s just a

it’s a it’s also a clusterfuck it

is tricky because there was one

thing that i read yesterday

it was really fucking there’s a couple that i’ve read

but there’s one

about this this is the fbi freedom of information act

oh that website we can go and see all the

articles that are up there i

printed this one because it’s

ridiculous it’s a guy

named guy hotel

h o t t e l

i believe is his name and

yeah and he put out some fucking

freedom of information act thing

about ufos man

that’s crazy

but listen to what it says

an investigator for the air

force stated that

three so called flying

saucers had been recovered

had been recovered in new mexico

they were described as being circular in

shape with ray

centers approximately 50 feet in diameter

each one was

occupied by

three bodies of human

shape but only

three feet tall

dressed in metallic

cloth or a very fine texture

each body was bandaged

in a major it’s hard to read that

blogging to the

blackout suits used by

speed flyers

and test pilots

this is some pretty crazy shit

i don’t know if this is a hoax

i don’t know if this is horse shit

what year was this

it happened in 1950 40

no 196 roswell that they’re talking

about or yeah

yeah a bunch of

midgets out

midgets trying to take over the world

crashing their shit

i just don’t know if this is

horseshit but

it is on the fbi fucking page it’s on the fbi

it’s the the the

the page on this guy

i mean all saying is that investigator

said right someone said something yeah that’s all it

really says i imagine that if there was if that was

any more concrete of proof it

wouldn’t be out there

still it’s one of my favorite

stories man

the the roswell

stories one of my favorite stories

because it’s pretty universal

that everyone saw something

and there’s so many people like

general philip corso

and the these or

admiral whatever the fuck is

title is but

all these people that were in the military

that saw things and testified

after the fact

and their stories are so similar

you know after like 10 20 30 years go by

who the fuck knows what you’re really remembering

right now who the fuck knows i mean

you pick up a

piece from someone else’s

story yeah i mean you talk to oj simpson right now

that guy didn’t do it he

might have some

crazy fucking

story in his head

where he really didn’t do it i mean who knows

but this new mexico

thing to me is fascinating because they

printed in the paper

that we’ve recovered a

crash flying disc

that the air

force had communicated

to the newspaper we have recovered a ufo

it doesn’t mean it wasn’t some sort of a russian

thing it doesn’t mean it wasn’t

one of their own

things it also

doesn’t mean it wasn’t a fucking flying

saucer either

you know but

who was saying all this like

maybe the reporter just like

asked some dummy that was like

or saw an alien no

i could tell you because i have it in the oh

yeah in the hallway i have the actual law

thing frame

paper article yeah because

it’s fascinating but no it was

a high level

guy and then the next day he had to come out and do a

press release and they brought pieces of

weather balloon wreckage

and they were saying oh

it was just this

i used to do a joke about it

they said what

about the aliens

all those are mexicans

they were up in a balloon they were

drinking some shenanigans took

place apparently they

mistook the balloon for a pinata

nothing to worry about

by the way we

just invented transistors with very little research

yeah yeah you don’t know that one

yeah that was my

the crashed

ufo that they’ve recovered the roswell thing

that was yeah that’s on 99

that’s to go along with my seti one

the seti one is it takes like

three million years for a signal radial signal

reach outside the galaxy

so you send out hello is anyone out there

three million years later what oh yeah yeah

man that’s been a while did you ever do the seti

search at home

where your computer would help analyze data

that they got back i thought

about doing it but i’m like you’re just gonna

hog up my fucking computer yeah

that’s the dumbest shit ever

what are you gonna do

listen if they want to talk to us they can talk to us

stupid you know i mean

that’s dumb

the idea that

we need to sit around monitoring some fucking

radio spectrum

i think that if anything is

gonna be able to communicate with us from that far away

they’re gonna be so fucking far advanced all you

would have to do is be in a different environment

where you don’t have the threat of asteroidal impact

that’s it that’s the big one

asteroid impact in a

stable planet

a planet that

doesn’t have all the crazy shit

going on this planet does with

super volcanoes and

shifting of the polarized caps and stuff like that

which you know we know happen

i do get the

notion of listening though for the same way that we

might be broadcasting something out like if you’re

gonna roll your dice

yes there are probably bazillions of

light years

ahead of us in advanced and intelligent but

least common denominator

maybe there’s another

human being species out there that is

still broadcasting i love lucy episodes and

hitler’s olympic

opening and you can listen for that i get that notion

yeah i get the notion too but i feel like if they’re

gonna get to us they’re

gonna get to us

right not to be

you know it just seems

like i love that

woman who the jodie foster

movie contact

with based on

fascinating that

woman is really doing that she’s

really out there in the middle of the fucking desert

don’t we need an

alien attack

nothing too drastic to happen but just a common

enemy to unite us all so we’ll realize that we are

human beings and get

along if we

could all band together then we

could really research some cool

space travel shit

and teleporters or wells we need

the most trippy

thing would be if we realized that

aliens came from not another planet

but another

dimension oh

from here but in another dimension that they were


travelers and you know the concept

of dimensions is pretty fucking squirrely to people

but i always try to explain it

as if it’s a radio

think of it

life as a radio and we are currently

tuned in to 971

it doesn’t mean there’s not a 1011

right down the dial that’s just as vibrant we just

haven’t tuned into it

we’re just not

picking up that frequency

that’s very possible isn’t that what they were

trying to achieve with the hadron collider is obviously

studying black holes and whatnot but

the notion that they

could control that explosion

like if they

built one in space they

could control the explosion and that explosion

would actually be a portal or a wormhole

wow i don’t know

about that i know that

the black hole

thing was sort of

that sort of residual

effect of trying to create the higgs boson

particle and

what that is

is a particle a theoretical particle that only

existed milliseconds

after the big bang

which is also theoretical right

what they’re

basically doing is seeing what happens in

the extreme

conditions of the universe

and trying to recreate it

it’s a trippy

thing because

you know the idea is that they’re not

going to stop with this

the idea is whatever

findings they

learn from the

large hadron collider will be

applied to the next to the next

giant devices

yeah i mean when they

first came up with

atomic bombs you know that

was the peak of science

and since then it’s

accelerated and gotten bigger and crazier and

there’s some shit i’m sure that they’re working on

right now that we can’t even wrap our heads around like

when you hear

about quantum computing are you a computer guy

i’m a geek squad

member you’re a geek web member

yeah you’re a bad

motherfucker i can fix your modem when you hear

about quantum computing i have

tried to i’ve read

many papers on quantum computing

i take a deep breath and i read them

again and i take a deep breath and i read them

again i try to wrap my fucking

brain around

exactly what they’re saying but it’s so squirrely

it’s like whoa this is getting

awful lot like magic

you know this is yeah

but it’s not

magic that’s the beauty

the notion that

they’re also

going to control

biology they’re gonna

wrangle cells to do calculations instead of

creating artificial

leaves have you seen that

is the latest

thing they’ve created an artificial leaf that actually

has actual artificial


wow that’s amazing future

power and it’s

dude yeah the future i mean

i love that you

know i thought disasters

not to bring this to a much

lighter note but i thought disasters in japan

would lead to

of finely intelligent

adult conversation

although i hate the term

adult conversation

about energy in this country i thought

maybe would get us to solar and

looking into

photosynthesis and

other stuff and it

doesn’t you know what it’s done it’s done

started a scare fucking

scare tsunami

you know this

whole country is terrified

in orange county there’s a

fault line and there’s a nuclear

power pen right there what happened

that’s what everybody’s talking

about but it’s fine

to be scared by nuclear energy that’s

great but channeled that paranoia into

creating positive

technologies instead of relying on coal

and deep sea

drilling see that

would require enlightenment

and we are children

human beings are as

childish as we are allowed to be

you know and i i i see that

everyday i see that in having kids

i see that in just in

human being in lazy behavior people are as childish

and indulgent as they have to be

and that’s why we’re so fascinating when we hear

about some amazon

tribe that goes out and gets

their own fucking water with

you know hollowed out coconuts and

you know they fucking shoot

monkeys with

spear guns and that’s what they eat you know like

you read about that and you go

how resourceful like what a

grind they’re putting like there’s no room for

laziness in that

culture like

these motherfuckers are out there doing it

because we know what’s possible with

human beings

but we also know how we are inclined to sloth

you know it’s like it’s so easy for people just be like

yeah who cares

about japan they’re a

bunch of faggots

you know it’s so easy it’s so easy to

think like that i’m

sorry it’s just i

i have to listen i was

watching a video of a guy

squad on a mason jar and it popped in his ass

what we saying

about we say

that’s the most disturbing

thing i’ve ever seen

one guy one jar

love it right up there with mr hands

it’s right up there

have we touched on

well you mentioned something

earlier that i wanted to get back to about

what will we as a society

accept from our government in terms of control when

you revolt and all that stuff

and i’m still amazed

every damn flight i take

when i look at the tsa

procedures and i see people

just standing in those x ray boxes and

just filling

their bodies with gamma rays to prove that

they’re not a terrorist what do you do do you opt out

no i opt out

really yeah

you got a pat down every time

absolutely wow

absolutely and

there was just a

study recently that they have to retest

a whole bunch of machines because it was like 47

was the number

more radiation was coming out per machine

than what they estimated

i don’t need some dude getting a fucking

image of myself

on some box that he

could send around i don’t

know and i’m a little

dick don’t be lying huh

i would i would

never lie i if i were

if i were hung any better i

would be in jail because i would show it off every five

seconds and i like the way you think

yeah i just what you think

constantly constantly depressed at the sad

state of affairs down there there was a guy with a

micropenis that i got in an argument with

about male feminism

yeah and long story but the point is that you know

it’s become like a point of debate

where like some guys have been upset at me like what is

your issue with male feminism

my issue is the same thing as

women that are masculinisms

you know or masculinist throughout it

i mean any women who’s only into men

like men power and manpower

or even into it to the point where you’re promoting it

just promote equality amongst

human beings as far as the way we treat each other

but there’s something creepy about

male feminists

and that’s why i wanted you to pull up that

video brian and i tweeted this

yesterday it’s by

these guys that call themselves the conscious men

okay and it is like

an apology and

a manifesto

i’ll read the description

an apology on behalf of men or

apology two women

apology to women

and on behalf of men to

women because

they are conscious and they were trying to get in

touch with their femininity

i’ve never seen a bigger group of

what look like date rapists and

creeps and just

annoying fucking weak ass bitches have you been to

comic con no i haven’t

is it different

is it worse

watch this though you must see this

you have to see this

for folks living

living don’t listen to me no matter what i say

listen even if you

agree with me i’m an

idiot listen

listen to this

stand before you

today is men committed to

becoming more conscious

in every way

we feel deep love

great respect

and a growing

by the way the man talking

his name is gay hendrix

we also feel deep sorrow

about the destructive actions of the


masculine in the past and present

we want to apologize and make amends for

those actions today

so that we can move forward together into a new era

of are they peeing on a

spoon what is

that sound of that

you know what that is that’s a fountain bro

they’re calm they’re enlightened

while listen to the music

listen to me

in you and in all of life

i know that we all have access to the full spectrum

of these energies if you

see this guy you realize how fucking creepy this sounds

awareness this has got to be a

viral for skittles

all dualities free

i admit it i can only

think about

kevin ripon

and livian munn

i can work with this big dick

and this was the

music i’d play when i was doing

that look at

these guys look at

these i know

that in order to

truly honor you as a

multi dimensional woman

i must stand

fully present by myself

and owen the gifts

i bought drugs from him

absolutely look at this guy

rapist by inerturing each

other in a conscious way

clearly look at his eyes

he’s got an

ankle bracelet

or two respect

and by worshiping a divinity expressed

in the masculine

and the feminine

that guy’s full of shit that guy’s just looking for

pussy look at his little

smile at the end has

often been unconscious i feel so

these all look like people that went to a camp to pray

their gay away

you know i mean like that

stare the eyes they all

this guy’s reformed he’s totally into

pussy now yeah

whoa what the

is that from wicker man

it’s a woman burning at the

stake they’re showing a

woman burning

it’s like women burning at the

cross here’s what you don’t

understand fucko that burning at the

cross thing was explained

relegated you to subservient chores

force you to hide your faces and even cut off your

organs of sexual pleasure

well that i

i’m getting a little extreme though i’m

aware of the

forces of the


masculine psyche

pouty there

this guy does not have a

masculine psyche

many of the men who have oppressed this guy’s masculine

psyche in his mouth

among the living

many men may

not be able to apologize because they remain shackled

in a prison of anger fear

you’re a shitty poet dude on behalf of my gender

i apologize to you don’t you say shit

on my behalf

i know when we were

angry scared

and then the grip of destructive forces

in our psyche

i choose to no longer

contribute to

those forces

his room smells like it’s wood

paneled and stained

with tears and

blood now he

smells like faggotry

he’s not gonna stop is that

the poker player guy

i acknowledge

is this the most

ridiculous shit ever yeah so what

a thousand years

been mainly

founded by this guy propagated

by men we’ve

often acted as if we

had brody stevens

and god in the spiritual life

now we are present

with an invite to guys

this has got to end with an invite to a drum circle

this be contest

he just got done selling meth

inclusive spirituality

to honoring the stand away

the hard limit

i honor your deep connection

to the earth

as man all right so i have an any now was that

the point all these guys

just crawled back into my stomach all

these guys are willing to roof you domination

we mistakenly believed

that expansion

would protect us from encroachment

and in the process we violated

the sanctity of the earth

okay stop it

i can’t watch it right

i understand that they have

good intentions and i’m sure they’re not really rapists

but you gotta understand

folks you’re all

what we would

classify as

weak ass bitches

and that’s why you’re feeling this way and that’s

why you’re feeling like you need to go out and save the

world and make

these women

look women are

gonna be fine yes but what if they

should all be nice to

women absolutely

other than making youtube

videos they’re trying to look cool they’re trying to

they’re trying to get really broken

women to like them

you know the kind of

women that like they can’t attract

them they’re not interesting they’re probably not

successful they’re not intelligent

they’re not swole

they’re not

sexually attractive

they probably have nothing

going on those guys

have a mistress

that puts them

in a diaper in a cage and whip them i don’t even

think that that

would be too exciting

they have less than that and they i

think they have that i

think they pay for that really out the nose i

think you’re just fucking speculating at this

point well aren’t we all

that’s what the

world is right

let’s speculate away but what they

are is weak ass bitches and we don’t need that what

those men need is

stakes and squats and boot camp

and someone who gets them a fucking interest

whatever the fuck it is man so let’s make an apology

video on behalf of men for them we

should that’s what it

should be we

should dear

weakass pictures of the

world dear women

dear women who have been

you know compromised by these

knuckleheads that try to

pretend that

men aren’t men and

women aren’t

women and there’s some sort of a hybrid that you can be

you can appeal to the

women and embrace your

feminine energy

dude i’m sorry you’ve had a

crate and barrel

magazine humping douchebag to walk over your whole life

but i promise

i will waltz into your bedroom

choke you during climax

and probably spit in your

mouth if you can’t gorilla fuck a

chick you better know some poetry

that’s the reality you better know how to

write some shit down and make it

rhyme you better know what

kind of flower she likes you better be good at massages

and if you’re

lucky she’ll

and she’ll probably barely be wet she’ll

lay there like a bag of sand

she’s not really

into you dude cook her

salmon but her

trainer might fuck the shit out of her

i’ll tell you that her

trainer might fuck her in a parking lot man he

might just whip out his fucking hog in a parking lot

you never know man

right on the pilates machine you know why

here’s why you’re ready you’re

ready we’re animals okay we’re not perfect yeah we’re

evolving yeah

the ideals great

be nice to people that’s all good

but here’s what you also have to do you

gotta be a fucking man if you want

women to like you you gotta be a man

that’s why you

don’t like dikes why do you not like dikes

cause they’re

weird it’s not like

they’re not being a woman

it’s not it’s not even though she’s a woman

what’s not sexy

about it well there’s some

weird thing there she’s acting like a man well

guess what fuckhead

women think the same way

about men who act like

women all right

men want women

women want men

it’s really that goddamn simple

you can’t be some fucking hybrid to fill in the gaps

and and take

you can actually do whatever the fuck you want to do

i mean who am i to tell you

but you know you’re just

gonna get into it science

has evolved to where you

can actually

create the gap for yourself you can’t you can’t do it

you can do it she’s a man now i just got

i thought it was the

girlfriend telling me to shut the fuck up and she said

right on it

i was like okay cool

dude she sent you a text yeah she texted me

oh no i love that how long you been

dating a girl

i think officially

about two years now

two year pimp

music dude so you

never dated olivia

mcmahon you were dating the

whole time to another girl what did you call olivia

he’s got just

mud dicks in his mouth

were you in that apology video i think

a lot of the internet always

was kind of jealous of you that we never dated

you never dated never messed around never did oh

that’s a distinctly different thing okay

if you want to have you’re pretty

lucky that you can’t you cannot mix you cannot

mix those parents

you gotta treat them like they’re your sisters man

i’ve never had a

sister and i swear to god by the end of that run

i was like i know exactly what it’s like to have a

sister yeah

absolutely felt that way what does she smell like

vaginas and flowers dreams wishes burnt salmon

not salmon but you’ve been really

successful over at g4

that whole network

pretty much centers around a couple people you and

extended play

people or whatever it’s called nowadays but

how did you even fall into that because i mean

when i first

moved to california

i had no friends

zero friends and it was when the

screen savers just

moved to la

and pretty much

i had nothing to do i had no friends so i

would just go to live tapings all the time

just for fun because

i was a huge nerd

yeah that was

a cool show yeah so i got to hang out with like

the kevin rose and

yoshi and all them and

it was the only

thing i did

and how did

you were kind of looked as the bad guy i guess

yeah from the tech tv side of things

i was somehow lumped into

the evil empire that came and absorbed this network and

and we explained to everybody who

doesn’t know the history

all right so there was

a network called tech tv

based out of san francisco

which i was a huge fan of super nice

green savers

screen savers

call for help

and what was the dude with the

white hair that

would review games leo

no your tech no

adam sesler

adam sesler

yes yeah he’s

still on g4 he’s on x play

our game show

megan but there was this

weird sort of

buyout of tech tv it

wasn’t like some hostile takeover or anything like that

and unfortunately i

think that at the time

the merger was mismanaged it was sort of like well

i think network interests were buying distribution

and not buying content and that was the problem

and so it was just sort of like

okay we have all this distribution now let’s just merge

these networks and we’ll figure it out let it fly and

so unfortunately i got

stuck in a situation

where they were

transitioning a show that i loved the


into this other show

without thinking that the audience

might not like that

you turn on the

dial one day

and it’s the same time the same kind of program

but it’s a different name with

some of the nerdiest

stuff stripped out and all that stuff

and so it got a lot of bad

blood which unfortunately

still exists

today on the

internet like i get it i always tell people

when i meet them that we’re tech tv fans that go like

screensavers i go listen dude i love that show too

you know and

i hope that people realize now it is a different show

and unfortunately the

transition was

rough and awkward and

i still take lumps

for it all the time when i go out what are they upset

about the most like

you said that the geekier elements were

taken away like what

they took away everybody all the people that we like

one of the coolest

things is that

before it all happened the


used to have webcams they just put all webcams in

and the day it happened alex put on

this image which is

alex saying

goodbye everyone

and pretty much everyone on the internet

found out about it

first what’s

crazy is though i had the same hat

as him and the same

shirt as him

so i put i put

tss is canceled under it

and i had the same outfit and same hat on there

and that got around the internet so everyone thought at

first the screensaver was canceled

and stuff like that and you just do that as a scam

it was a troll as a troll

and then and then

you don’t know

how fucked up this guy is let me tell you one of the

things he did your fortune

he owned he owned

pepsispice com

okay when pepsi

spice came out

pepsi spice was like this

innovative new beverage yeah it’s

pepsi but it’s spicy

well this asshole

found out that pepsi

spice hadn’t gotten their own

domain they didn’t secure the domain

so brian starts a

daily blog on

pepsi spice

about going on a

pepsi spice

only diet and he

starts we’re only allowed to

drink pepsi’s only

to deteriorate your

body it’s fucking horrible tell people

is it still up anywhere

no i took it down

cause i was

pepsi so they’re

gonna sue me or something like that

but it lasted

i said in 30 days i’m only

gonna have pepsi

spice so it

started off

where you know the

first couple days i’m like i’m really hungry but you

know whatever

then it became

like i started getting open sores

i was fucking

pissing blood

and then it got to bad

where my dick is falling off

i was losing like 10

pounds a day or something like by

the way this is like 2000

right yeah this

is this is a while ago

a long time

ago it was probably

like 2004 or something was it 2004 were you here

yeah i was here

when i had nothing to do

except go to the

screensavers no thank

i’ll get it on but what’s

crazy is that i even had

radio interviews they interviewed me on

radio stations because they thought it was real

and then pepsi

started getting in contact and they saying

they’re threatening me so i had to kind of

i made my character die

and i took it down

but you can find it

still in google cache and stuff

but you know the

other thing how does that work

how does google cache

work google cache

is kind of like

rss feeds they grab your website

well it’s not like an rss feed they go out and they

crawl your site

whether you put it out there or not

and so they

crawl your pages

looking for keywords and images or whatever

they’re caching all that shit

so they basically have the

whole internet

saved kind of

to an extent yeah they really kind of to

a lot of broken images though but

sure but yeah definitely

done the internet wayback machine yeah

that’s internet archive

internet archive

yeah way back machine is so fun you can go

that work it

saves kind of a

thing based off the cache

it saves now

shots of sites there’s broken images and whatnot

but you can go back and look at yahoo back in the day

if you had an

old website you can go back and look at it

they can still

do i had a website 98 that was my

first website

thank god youtube wasn’t yeah

i was 10 years

old your old websites on there yeah me too

your old websites on there

but this is a question i wanted to ask because you used

to work with

laura foy yeah

i was her pa

laura slash

laura foy who’s that

really hot blonde

chick that used to be on a really cool show with

scott rubin and tina woods it’s called g4tv com

scott ruben does

live anyways she forgot

one day that her webcam it’s like

right when they put on webcams so i caught her all

these times just sucking her thumb

and she didn’t know the webcam

was on is this

something that

she like openly did around the office because

i even got photos of her when

she found out that the webcam was what

you’re supposed to do dude

what you’re supposed to do dude is not let that out

and find her

and put honey on your dick

what you supposed to do you remember i don’t

think i don’t i

think foy would rather have the the

thumb sucking

photos online yeah

then suck honey off a

member personally oh yeah you don’t know that she

might be really into that i’ve been willing to put

money on it oh you’re so

wrong i guarantee you let’s

in front of a webcam come on dude

she’s hoping the fbi is

tuning into that

she’s sending that message

when you’re frigging

our fucking

thumb you’re sucking a cock

okay if you’re not three

you’re sucking a cock

remember when kat schwartz put out

a bunch of photos and then somebody

learned about the

thumbnail being

saved in photoshop

what are you talking

about who’s cat sports cat

sports used to be also on

the screensaver playboy

like i personally signed pink slips or some shit

that right there

i didn’t see that

used to also

someone’s my fault

yeah he is very

sensitive i just

got what i meant

you are reacting to all the vile

from the internet

i’m actually pretty good friends with

or i’m friends with kat and her

baby’s daddy and

everything baby’s

daddy works for

south park and that’s how is

she the girl that was on she did

playboy or something no

no no this is what she did she released some photos of

herself like

model photos

and there were not not new

rc photos taken

by a friend

but what happens is like

when you put in

photoshop it saves like a

thumbnail of the

photo like inside like the information of

like the data inside the

photo like each

photo has data in it

like a lot of times it

has gps information or it has you know what camera was

taken on with the settings

where there’s

extra data in addition

to just the

image yeah so they

she cropped it before she put on the internet but what

it saved the original as a thumbnail

so when she released all these

photos people

found out they opened it up in

photoshop the preview showed the full original

photo of her naked

and so there was all these

photos of cat naked

which was awesome for it kind of like

paris hilton

to her career

but they were

not some of them were not the most flattering of

so explain this to me

again what happens is the original images were

naked it was like

photoshop to them

photoshop had a

feature where you

could publish

a web gallery

publish it directly to the web i think

it’s been a long

while but i

think that’s how the story went

so it actually published

layers that were shut off and

she had cropped one and

again the thumbnail was sort of

saved of the full

image even though she cropped it within the program

oh so how’d they access it

they opened it up in

photoshop to look at it and the information

transferred over in

photoshop so you can see the preview

and so then she just pretty much leaked all

these naked photos and

sue the fuck out of photoshop

for her own

ignorance i mean

it benefited

her it benefited you know

there was a program that

would look at people’s

photo bucket accounts back in the day and then


changed the file names looking for files that were sort

of hidden or not publicized and so many girls had

private photos that they were storing or sending to

their long distance

boyfriends exposed

just by crawling that

there were so many cool

things back in the day when the internet was

still like people were

still figuring out when the

barrier to entry was high

the internet was fucking dope like

i’ll never forget the bulletin

board days we had to

know how to do a dial out telex program

and call some shady dudes computer in a basement

who was hosting porn and

where’s games and all that

stuff we were talking

about that’s all

well and good

but it’s way better today

that’s all nice

it’s very nostalgic

to go back to

those bulletin

board days on a

14 4 moan on cement

it was pavlovian

pavlovian i

would hear those

noises and immediately get erect

cause i knew that man

porn was coming

right doo doo

doo remember

we were talking

about wetricks how we were both

dreamcast fans but remember

going on aol’s message

boards and stuff and getting all like

every single

video game possible burnt onto a disc

and that was irc for that it was the best for

dreamcast you ever go into irc rooms that

was a real creepy shit yeah well i used to be a big

quake player

so i used to get on the irc all around were you in

the room when they released q test one

yeah no that was

quake one i was a quick

one i came in at quake two

yeah and i followed it

through quake

iii and into

quake iv quake iv

is when i really had to stop and grow up now it’s like

quake arena on a web

browser yeah quake

arena is a shit all of it is fucking fun as hell man

but it’s all it’s just

super time consuming we’ve talked

about it a hundred times on this podcast it’s for the

drinking game

quake quake

quake quake

quake quake haha

blacking out

you’re drunk now bitches

next thing you know

so google tv dude

yeah tell me

about yes please

you need to get in on it explain me this it’s amazing

so we’re in the kitchen

you pop this up and i made you stop talking

cause i’m like

this is too good threaten me with a butter knife

you have to stop we

need to talk

about this on the podcast

google is going to try to own the living room

and it’s going to be them

apple potentially comcast time warner and a few

others that are really

going to be making the play for being the gateway to

media and google is

crushing it

right now basically

google tv you can buy i have the logitech review box

and it has an hdmi pass through

what does that mean that means if you have a

cable box or a

satellite box

you connect that instead of

going directly to the tv or receiver

you plug that into the logitech box

and that goes to your tv and what

that does which no

other box really does is gives you

ability to layer information on top of your tv

all these other

boxes you gotta

switch to another

input and you lose the tv side of

things and it’s a different

experience and then you go back to your tv

this one at any

given time you have an argument about

oh what was that actor in

boom you hit the

search button

on your iphone your android

phone or the keyboard

type it in there’s imdb

up and running while your

stuff’s in a

picture in picture window

you want access to podcasts and

videocasts you hit the home button

go to their spotlight

there’s actually

a website that’s doing an app

where you watch

models go down a runway

and it tells you

about the fashion they’re wearing and if you want you

press ok and it pulls up the website

while the video is

still going you can

order it right from there

on your tv and it’s got a full web the box is a little


it’s like a little netbook in there it’s a little


but this as a step one is

there one that’s coming out soon that’s the

better one or is there a

better google tv than the

other is the sony

one the best i

think the logitech

is a little better than

the sony because of the remotes and the apps themselves

but as long as content providers don’t

completely fuck this platform over

which they’re trying to do left and

right because they’re also scared

it will be amazing

how are they trying to fuck it over by

blocking their content

who’s doing this

i don’t know if i can name names name name says

boycott let’s

start a fucking revolution together

i’ll tell you what i wanted to watch the

south park episode the

other day and i went and pulled up

south park’s website and

now again if i had my laptop

i can pull it up

right there and

watch the full high def

south park episode

sit through commercials or whatever be

right there when i

tried to pull it up on my tv it popped up and said oh

you’re trying to access this from a google tv device oh

sorry wait is that comcast your

block right now no that’s it was

south park so i

think that’s viacom i

think i’m safe

to make fun of them right

but it also did

on who blocks

it so does hulu

which is fucking frustrating

oh that’s so

annoying because

the same ads that

their worry is that the google

experience is too good you’re sitting on your

couch and this content that’s for free on the internet

is easily accessible

and i go well

it’s the same ads and the same content that i’d have if

i turned over here if you had a mac mini hook up your

tv and use my laptop

or use my whatever someone over there is not getting it

i’m willing to sit through the ad i’m willing

to make it worth your while

it’s like when i try to go

watch a movie

these days i don’t know if you

i tried to legally acquire content now

actually tried it the

other day i wanted to

watch jurassic park

so i checked my xbox

i checked my

video on demand

i checked the sony network

i checked netflix

i checked amazon

i went through service

after service

and finally said fuck it i went looked at bit torrent

there was the high def

rip there was the blu ray rip with all the

extras i clicked

and an hour

later i’m watching it on my tv

i tried to give somebody

money for that movie

and was unable to same shit happened to me the

other two it’s

basically the old guard

that hasn’t really accepted the new technologies

yeah it’s this new

thing and they’re scared of it and jurassic park that’s

ridiculous well i mean that’s one

jurassic park that

should be on netflix

streaming that

should do yeah

exactly i mean that

should be everywhere

it’s incredible when you get google tv man

it will satirize

you it’s that good

wow it’s really that good and it’s very

frustrating that people are

blocking content though

super frustrating

i mean look there’s ways around it but

is there a reason do they have a

legitimate argument

well is there a bill burr rss feed

interaction in here no there’s nothing that makes

sense just like that argument

they’re worried that

again the experience is too good

we can’t just give that content away how can we charge

extra for that

content like hulu says they’re working with google

they’re gonna try to charge for hulu plus

on the google tv or something like that

that’s fuckers

it’s nickel and diming left so you’d have to

pay for google tv

do you have

is it a subscription

based service or is it

free see that’s the beauty of google tv is free google

is free it’s terrifying and it’s a

great overlay if

we really found out

that artificial intelligence actually does

exist and what it is is google

and that google

figured out a way to fucking program the universe

and own everything

i mean it’s so weird

i use a government chrome browser

i use gmail

i mean come on man it’s gonna be

apple and google and

that’s gonna be the big

fight for all of your data and all your

media access and all your management

maybe google amazon but

fuck man it’s gonna be

right in there did you see the onion bit about

facebook being created by the cia

as a data mining tool

no fucking brilliant that’s

funny they basically said that you

know facebook was launched as a

secret program and it took off widely

successful they

never imagined that

citizens would give up all

their photos

their likes

their dislikes

their locations

checkouts it’s like imagine

forget google that’s the data set that’s scary

what’s that google long

longitude or whatever

where it just

tracks you all day that’s even

worse to me that’s you

yeah we were talking

about street

view longitude

you know what that is

what is that

that’s where your

phone pretty much so

tells your friends

where you are exactly

where you are you

could track your

girlfriend exactly driving down the street

and it’s just sending it to google

it’s a great idea

right it’s weird

it’s weird how it’s just

creeping up on us if it leads to better ads and my

email cool but it’s just amazing how fucking ambitious

google is they’re so ambitious

i mean that do this and the

browser and cars that

drive themselves

aren’t they working on an operating system

they already have

chromium it’s

based on chrome yeah

and honeycomb for

tablets which is

gonna be awesome

their operating

system is available

right now you can download

chromium for certain

netbooks you can hack

it right now have you

tried it yeah

it’s not where it needs to be net

the idea is that in the future

cloud computing is

going to lead to i mean we’re going to

laugh at the

fact that this has a processor that has a processor

that computer behind you has ram

and chips in it we’re

gonna laugh at that what a

waste of resources it’s

gonna be oh yeah

your phone’s

gonna be streaming

basically yeah

basically all you need

is whatever

technology needs to happen to

stream a high def

signal at 60 or 30 to 60

frames a second to whatever device there is

so the idea is that in the future

you’ll just have a

screen or you’ll walk into a

hotel you’ll sit at a terminal

you’ll punch in your info or it’ll

scan your retina

or you’ll pee in a cup however they’ll do it

and all of a

sudden your desktop appears like that

all of your shit’s on it you

leave you pick up your

phone your desktop appears

on it like that’s the future of

cloud computing


going to be stored

and processed in servers that we don’t see

because it’ll be beamed

quick enough and it already

exists today

and phantom’s

going to bring it to you

phantom phantom

yeah that was a

vaporware console

but like if you look at onlive

which is a gaming service it’s not

quite there

yet but the idea is that you buy one box well

did you guys just geek the fuck out

shit yeah you did

right phantom was

a i just wanna

check phantom was supposed to be a console that

would sit in your living room

and pull games out of the

cloud essentially

and you’d never have to buy a disc or whatever you

could play from the comfort of your

couch and it’s like

streaming video games yeah

and it was fast enough supposedly to be able to play

where there’s no drop in

frame rate where you

could actually you know

and that was all bullshit that was all a

money laundering

scheme so some dude

could crash ferraris down to pan

canyon or whatever oh is that guy yeah yeah

but i remember that there’s a company called onlive

that is one of many there’s another app called iq that

was pretty legit

we used it the

other day and

it’s got its hiccups but imagine when

you log into service you’d see thousands of windows

streaming call of duty and streaming

gears of war and all this stuff

and you can go and

click on it and

those are actually people playing live

and you’re spectating all

their games and they’re all

streaming in real time

and then if

you want to play the game they’re playing you

press a button

it pulls you out of it and launches you

right into that game

wow that exists

today now it’s not

a five out of five just yet what is it now four

three probably a

three two or three

i think is what we gave it

but the promise is there

so that’s what google’s trying to

they’re trying to make this operating system where

you don’t store shit locally it’s all

google docs and google paint and

google image

video editor and all that shit it’s all

gonna live in the cloud

they’re so ambitious

it’s so creepy they’re

right they’re absolutely right on that one you know

like microsoft always

creep me out too bill gates always creep me out like

anyone who’s that ambitious

they’re trying that hard

like come on man

what’s going on

why does that creep you out i don’t know

cause they have so

many different products and they’re so

successful you’re very ambitious

no no not in that

way i don’t want to control anybody else’s information

you know the

thing that always bugs me like here’s a perfect example

like the ipad like

or the iphone

exactly i made a

video a long time ago

where it pretty much

broke down like one of the two

iphones and you guys actually played it on your show

where it remember when i had that

i’m an old iphone and i’m an old cell

phone from three years ago

it was like i have a camera and jessica

did that yeah

yeah it was a pretty big

video and stuff like that but

it was based on

basic things like the ipad

where the first ipad didn’t have a camera the

second one has a camera and

stuff like that

there’s so many

things like do you think

that apple is actually doing that on purpose

is that a part of

their market

totally i mean

they’ll do the research

and do enough

focus groups to

find out what features they have to include to make it

amazing palatable

magical revolutionary

whatever yeah so then they go okay

the next version will have all

these things just like when this launched without

picture messaging and all sorts of

stuff right yeah like

they know what the consumer is willing to put up with

especially those early

adopters that

picture messaging thing was

typing in the code that was the most

ridiculous thing ever

then you’d get

you go to at

amp t wireless

dot whatever and put in this

login in this past and it was a tiny ass little

image too wasn’t the full

image it was ridiculous

what’s ridiculous

to me and not to get on a nerdy

rant but that’s all i really have to offer this world

is the fucking fact that if let’s say i have verizon

and i’m paying 40

bucks a month for

their data plan and at amp

t is no better

and then if i want to

tether that

phone to my laptop

to use this as a modem

i gotta pay an extra fee

but it still

eats away at the bandwidth that i’m paying 40 bucks for

is that because

the fcc and

senators don’t realize that

it’s all the same bandwidth

no i think it’s verizon

making money

yeah well of course

verizon’s kind

of shitty with the fucking

if we get that

changed at amp

t does the same they charge you

extra at a tether but it’s the same bandwidth

that i’m paying

monthly for

verizon is shity

screwed to use that

their data service is not very good

i had a at amp t

phone of iphone and then i got a verizon

iphone recently

and one thing

i noticed is that i’ll have a full 3g signal on verizon

and then i’ll

start downloading something

like an app or something and it’ll kick off 3g

at amp t kicks you off it kicks you

off better than verizon

yeah have you seen their lte

network long term

evolution no

that shit is fast

yeah that’s new

right yeah it’s

where is it

where is it have it

verizon’s is out no

but i mean where oh

can you get it

everywhere i don’t know

about here you can get in los angeles

yeah it’s a

pretty it’s pretty common spotty

spotty spotty

by the end of the year htc

thunderbolt has that right

that looks pretty badass

i mean like we were

even in our little

studio which is like

it’s kryptonite to all signals it’s a little shoebox

but in there the lte

was as fast as a

cable modem was

wow and so the idea is

again the whole net neutrality

thing that i’m

worried about

you’ll buy a verizon

wireless lte router

for your home

and you’ll wirelessly pull down your bandwidth and

share it with everybody else

cause it’s that fast now wireless wow yeah

there’s a lot of

things i have to change a cell

phone so like i have batteries

palm pre plus

i got stuck with the verizon

i went out so bad and it’s

gonna cost me now

350 to cancel

and i’ve had it for a year and

a half almost a year and i just want to cancel i just

yeah that phone seemed real

promising before

it actually came out and i was like well it’s kind of

shitty and wonky they

dropped it dude i got

a new droid a droid 2 global because

i love verizon

service i had a

blackberry before

and i wanted to get verizon

service but i wanted it to be global

so i said oh well here’s a solution

all these people love the droid i mean i

heard howard

stern talking

about how he loves his droid

i got it it’s like

a drunk retarded iphone it’s like

stupid and like

the first time i used it i go to

slide the screen to open it up

and it’s like

shake stutter

shake stutter

shake stutter

i’m like whoa whoa whoa whoa really

this does dude

it doesn’t even know how to harness

how much power it has that

thing it’s scared by its own ability i

played with it for 20 minutes and the battery was half

drained and i was like you

gotta be fucking kidding me i mean that’s ridiculous

like i can’t even fuck around and just

play with it i went online i

checked what it looks like on one website i

checked my email

20 minutes and it was half

dead i was like that’s just preposterous

and people like oh no you

gotta get a

mobile application command

a power command and

shut off this and do this it’s like no i didn’t i don’t

wanna hack my devices anymore i just want them to work

and that’s the

fundamental there’s so many people that have this

thing about

fuck jailbreaking man that’s too complicated

there’s so many people though that have this anti

apple sentiment

you know there’s a real like

these threads come up on a message

board all the time and it’s so dumb

it’s the dumbest conversation ever

everyone’s like

metroverse bags

that’s the number one argument max

if i was a fucking fag and i

could use a

mac i didn’t know how to use a real computer

but if you want to buy a

tesla at the

genius bar you can by swallowing

really it’s a

it’s a little non

what about girls it’s

apple care what

about those girls the genius

alright i’m

gonna swallow them too absolutely

swallow whatever they’ve got

whatever you got

the biggest

shoot the biggest

i’m hardcore unix guy command lines only

switch to windows

i was a network administrator back in the day

when i switched to mac i’m like listen

shit works and if i really want to

drill down and get deep i can

pop open a terminal window and do whatever i need to do

the people that

are anti mac just like the mac people who are anti pc

it’s a team

it’s a dumb team

thing and the macs are the

liberals the macs are the weak pussies and then

for macs the pcs are all

sarah palin’s

same thing with consoles like playstation owners like

fuck you 360 fanboy

xbox owners like

playstations for douchebags

no one wants to be

wrong no one wants to

admit that they

might have bought the

console that has a problem or

spent money on the game

that had a problem they

don’t wanna be

right and it’s like you know what you’re not

gonna be right all the time that’s with

everything so

shut the protestant

versus the catholics

you know that whole

mac versus pc

thing it’s such a strange one though to me

i wonder how

many people like whether they’re politicians or

people trying to appeal to a certain

class of society

will choose

a pc over a mac

to let you know hey i’m a part of the proletariat

like obama saying hey i got an ipad

when he made a big deal out of that

yeah like i use an ipad i’m a president of the united

states yeah must

be right yeah sending

a message this is a higher end president this is

a more connected a

multi touch sensitive

he was the first

president to

bring a laptop to the

white house

are you serious yeah

yeah well i remember he

wouldn’t give up his

blackberry at the time

which i thought

was cool yeah because it wasn’t secure yeah

one thing i wish the ipad had was i can’t believe it

doesn’t have is multiple

users i hate it when people want to like borrow

my ipad i’m like okay i’m logged into facebook twitter

email everything i mean girls

yeah girls why

doesn’t that that seems like a basic

thing that i

should have by now this is what you say listen

bitch get your own

that’s what you

gotta say you

gotta fuck her correctly

okay leave her all

panting and

sweating then she goes can

i can i use your ipad you

listen bitch you know i love you

get your own fucking ipad

and she’ll giggle

haha and she’ll drop it

why cause you fucked her correctly brian

okay is that therein lies the

issue yes or get another ipad you can have mine

and just fucking use it all right deal

give it to her tell her she

could use it as long as you’re looking over her

shoulder because she’s in like a downward dog

position yeah

and you’re behind her

then you can play all the fucking

dungeon raid you want did you

learn to play the drums

using rock band or have you always been a drummer

self taught been drumming for a

while have you been in a band before

several several

shitty bands jazz bands hardcore rap

metal bands

everything yeah really what kind of jazz

you name it i mean we did we

take five what

bands have the biggest percentage of douchebags in them

what music well i mean they all do it just a christian

douchebag you are

christian rock

jars of clarified christian

rock rules dude they

all you’re talking

about they all have

douchebags in them but i mean i think

that’s the number one

issue though with bands

right i mean

eddie bravo has been in bands his

whole life and he said the number one issue

has always been

dealing with

trying to manage

all the egos in the band it’s like hurting cats

and that’s what kills so many bands not cats it is

they’re running around like that

like i heard cats yeah

it’s perfect

and i’ve seen that with many bands that i’ve been

in but it’s just man it’s fucking hard to make music

these days as easy as it gets

with distribution and the tools to make it

it’s still really fucking hard to make good

music these days has that always been your

dream to be in a band or what was you

think i would

quit it all in a

second yeah i’d quit

everything in a

second to go make

music for a living

of life really

theoretically yes but obviously i

haven’t done that yet so how old are you

i’m 28 oh you’re

still okay no

you’re still young

tread on my tires no

you’re young if you were 38 i

would go ooh yeah

good luck of music

you know what

i fancy myself a non judgmental person

but i fucking

judge people when they

look at me and tell me that they don’t

appreciate music

and i’ve met a surprising number of them

recently who

tells you they don’t

appreciate music

i know a lot of people who say

i just don’t get

music explain

give me one

i don’t wanna hear your songs

you want me suck your dick or what

i hear you listening to your

music that’s the kind of hooker

kevin gets to

really really whiny hooker that doesn’t like the house

music i laugh that’s a

crackhead hugh grant type hooker

none of that that girl became famous for a little bit

yeah after hugh grant got that blowjob

so what like

explain i’ve met people that will say they’re not into

music and i don’t get that

cause to me it’s

a universal language just as much math but i think even

more so than math

it’s inherent

there should be a love or a

sense or an

understanding of

rhythm there’s something special

about it there’s something unique

about it that we’re not really addressing

right it changes

the way your physical body feels it makes you more

excited it does

things to you inspires you it makes you feel good

brings you back to moments of your childhood

it’s one of the most incredible

works of art forms of art that we have i agree

it’s so weird and

the science behind some of it

i wanted to know why

house music

was something that persistent thump

got me up and

made me want to move and it seems to move some people

and whatnot

and its lower end

frequencies are

triggered to primal portions of our

brain that we’re

sensitive to hearing

approaching animals and elephant herds and all that

stuff so it

triggers that

oh i better wake up be

alert gotta get

going and so that persistent thump

drives you and keeps you

going there’s so much craziness

going on so tribal

music like literally like fires up shit in your brain

you should wake that up to that morning

i play stampede elephants when i wake up that’s all i

listen to dude you need to get on a podcast with

eddie bravo we need to have you and him together

cause he’s got some

crazy theories

about music and

the 12 notes and the 12 astrological series

isn’t there a 13th

astrological sign i

think we just

found one yeah and it

shifted people

they were like oh my horoscopes have been

wrong i’m like

yeah let me

google that real quick

but i like being a leo i don’t want to be

a whatever i forget what i’m now

if with the new method are you really something

different yeah it

changed a lot of

people you were a leo before of course you’re a leo too

we’re both leo

what’s yours what is your date

august 4th and

your august 11th yeah you’re not a real leo i like to

think mrs leo cut you off

i’m still a leo

they cut you off are you serious

they cut you off bitch

let me say august 10th nope you’re cut off son

through september 16th

you were august 9th is that what you said

august 4th august 4th it’s over bitch i

know right now

like something gay you’re cancer

you guys subscribe to this perfect

oh i don’t know not really

i think miss cleo

got a panel together in her ivory

tower and said listen astrology’s

kinda we’re

using the google

searches let’s create a new sign

let’s check this new

crafty one though

o p h i u c

h u s how’s that

spell what do

you say that how do you pronounce that oh perfect

that’s the new one that’s november

twenty ninth to december seventeenth

so if you you have that crafty new zodiac sign

i don’t know you know how the moon affects

like the ocean

right like you know the

tides the tides and

everything like that have you ever thought that

maybe the moon

changes us because we’re like what 99 percent water

wouldn’t it

fuck with us too

like we would have some own tide and shit

going on and everything

does but but

is that a yearly thing is there the moon cycle

yeah the moon cycles year that’s what seasons is

right the real problem is it would have to be a real

radical drastic change for them to measure it

like it might just

because it changes the way you feel statistically it

might not show a significant jump as far as like

you know like disease or

heart attacks

or assaults or anything

crazy because i don’t

think there’s

ever been anything statistically connected

to lunar activity but

when you hear something like lunatic

you hear like the

expression lunatic

and then it’s connected to

full moons and

lunar that is

lunar that is the moon i mean that is ancient

there’s something to it there’s something to it

and it might be as simple as

when the moon is out people

start freaking because you can see at

night you can see at night

it’s a full moon

great i can see who i’m mugging exactly

i can see who i’m raised to asshole yeah

i could yeah

it could be that easy

they really

could i mean

that’s a big difference

or you grow up with imagery of oh full moon

and you hear that’s when the crazies come out in the

little towel and you go all

right now’s my time well that’s one of the

things i was

throwing off

mma shirts and go

punch them ladies

that dear woman

fucking no explode this dear

woman thing one of the things that pisses me off is the

women they’re not crosses excuse me burning

women at the

stake the witches burning witches at the stake

they’ve connected that to ergot

they’ve connected that to

fungus that grew on wheat because they had a late frost

and then it fucked up their crops

and the wheat

was frozen and then when you have wheat that you know

like if food

you like freeze food and then thaw it out and freeze it

again it’s really dangerous

yeah it’s not good yeah

and all of a sudden yeah and fungus and

one of the things that they’ve shown in

grain samples from that era

from that time the

salem witch trials was that

these fucking people were high on lsd

i didn’t even know it

they were eating ergot

they were eating this

bread that has this fungus on it and it has a massive

psychological effect

so of course they thought there was witchcraft

of course they thought they were

under spell you know

they were so confused they were high as fuck on lsd

probably massive

crazy almost psychotic doses

right well in

daily doses yeah on doses

upon doses of that i mean it’s not like that should

i mean the half life is there but

it’ll compound in your

system and by the way there’s modern

versions of

what the cia

did in france

where they dosed up an entire town

they put it in

their bread

and they monitor

these people and

dude people died they committed suicide they jumped off

buildings i mean

people lost

their fucking minds

some people

never came back and they did this across the

board they did this to children

they did it to old people

so we know that you can cause

mass chaos and

hysteria by just dosing everybody up with acid

and you know back then you didn’t pass on

bread there was no like um

you know gluten no i’m good

thanks yeah

you ate your

bread because

you know you

might not get anything i’m

south beaching i’m

sorry it’s cleansing

do you hate do you go

crazy when you hear people

cleansing i’m coming to

cleanse yeah

it’s not for me i’m not cayenne

pepper cayenne

pepper and lemon juice

that’s all i got

right now and i go to boot camp and then hate myself

but buy a purse and

throw up into it it’s

cleansing just everybody wants to

fix what they’ve already fucked up i did that shit for

seven days where you just

drink lemon

water charcoal

and you can’t eat

eat anything it’s charcoal

wait a minute wait a

minute wait a

minute yeah

charcoal is

one of the things you have to do you have to like

before you do anything you have to buy all this fucking

shit from gnc and one of the

things was charcoal

melt thistle

like all this bullshit

i don’t know why i

guess i would show you so you don’t die and i

think the charcoal maybe

absorbs shit

don’t they make you do that for poison i

think for poison yeah

it absorbs stuff

i remember that for dogs when dogs eat something poison

we’re gonna make them eat a fucking briquette

whenever i’m at the grill i

crack a little one and just pop it just in case like

5hdp you want to have it in your

system is that really good for you

brian i don’t

like it i don’t

think it is

it didn’t seem good for you what happened to

your what did you do with this cleanse

it pretty much made you lose weight

did you lose weight yeah

i was fucking

throwing up you’re eating charcoal

no no you’re just not eating anything except

lemon water

it was like 12 i’m

shitting on the

lever and we’re making dinner what people don’t

understand is that

completely fucks with your metabolism

but when you do something like that and you lose weight

where you’re just not eating anything

your metabolism

gets jacked and then when you eat things

it’s harder to burn them all your body don’t have as

much and it’s

not gonna have it anymore so it’s

it all it just

locks it all up

super lethargic

too but the beautiful

thing about that diet is

is that if you reintroduce food into your system

after 12 days you can find out allergies a lot more

accurately than

if say you just tried

might be afraid of rice or something

like you first start

off but people do it it’s not

doing it to find out if you have an

issue with people

no wait what it

does is it does

kind of it does

reset your system it resets

everything for you so then

you’re slowly introducing food back into your diet

so i think you

start off with rice

and you see and you immediately

could tell if

anything affects you with this rice and then you

bring in like you know whatever and then it’s

kinda cool for that way you analyze your diet

slowly yeah

and then you apologize on behalf of

all men on youtube that’s the next step yeah yeah yeah

i apologize

and immediately on

behalf of all men

for selfish behavior

please take me into your bosoms

it’s just so

ridiculous yeah what

about cunts

buddy what about cunts

cause they’re out there okay and i hope you get one

and i hope she wrecks it

she wrecks the

whole thing

joey should get a

letter and i worship you

oh wonderful

magical woman

sounds like superman’s dad

no the guy that came to kill superman

zod doesn’t he

sound like zod

the unibrow guy

wonderful women

i want to massage your calves with goat’s milk and have

a root for you

massage with yogurt

i want to massage your buttocks on

goats yogurt

i want to weep on your vagina

i’m not ready

i’m such a magical base

i don’t want to fuck you tonight

sweetheart i just want to look at it

these guys stare at it and read it russian poetry

these guys by the way have a

whole bunch of

other videos

where how do men find real

feminism inside them

feminine energy inside them it’s like

it’s edenami

get to a goddamn

powerlifting gym son

quickly think that’s what missing from

their life is

fuck yeah creatine

squats deadlifts someone

someone needs to fucking

tackle you at some

point in your life okay

if you don’t know how easy it is to get

knocked off your feet you need to know that shit bitch

you need to work on your base okay

need to work on your sprawl

get your shit together

all right the

fuck are you doing making youtube

videos for broken bitches

stop it dude

goddamn stop it you got no ground

techniques what you need play the frisbee kettlebells

i got them i’m

gonna make a

video i’m gonna show you guys how not to be little

queens i’m serious apology

video on behalf of

those dudes that’s a good idea we’re

gonna do that we’re

gonna do that

after we’re done

here today rev

in car engines yeah let’s do that

that’ll be our next

video blog we

gotta give a

shout out by the way to cory lost

chuck who did

these two videos

of bobby lee

from one of the past episodes

it’s on joe rogan’s website joe rogan

net he fucking

took like this

audio bobby telling

these two stories

and by the way it’s podcast 76

and fucking

hilarious he did a really good job on this dude

brilliant stuff

i forgot how

funny those stories were

and one of them is

bobby getting in

trouble the very

first day this

girl showed up at work he farted in her face

she’s sitting there reading her script

eating yogurt

and he walks up and

sticks his ass on her nose and farts

right on her face

and she’s crying and

one guy attacks him and

she was gonna sue

him and he had a

buy her a gift certificate

for brooke williams to get massages and shit

i love bobbi

lee’s awesome and the

story is just brilliant it’s so goddamn funny

and this guy put it to animation it’s so good man

he did an awesome job so corey

thank you very much man

check these out

thank you very much dude

those are awesome

and anybody else who wants to do one of those too

fucking get on that shit i know there’s a lot of

really talented people out there and that’s

look like i met

brian off the internet yeah

brian and i met him

yeah craigslist

i’m trying to

stick with my religion

i can’t believe

ja date even

exist like like what jewish girl a guy is

gonna pay for that oh no they will man

they only want jews

i have friends that are jews that only want jews

yeah anything

other than a jew

i mean whatever

the programming that they got when they were

young that shit worked

and they only want jews

there’s also like a gay gangster dating website

that’s hot which provide

hours or call

you have to google it we need to go i’m

gonna pretend

like i don’t have that one up the top of my head

yeah but there is a site just for that

which is great

yeah i used

to work at gateway computers and the day that joe

called me up was like hey you

wanna move to

california and do

videos for a living and all this shit

i was like okay

and so i go

to my boss and i’m like hey giving him a two

week notice he goes actually i need to talk to gateways

closing all their

stores i’m like

oh and he’s like

you’re gonna have a two

month severance pay i’m like oh

so yeah i’ll take

that severance

really well

he was putting up these

funny videos

on my message

board and this is fuck man i was like

was it 200 was

free youtube i was just really good at concumc


that’s all it took back in the day man i made shit

videos on the internet but i knew how to

access to servers from my internet provider that i

started so we just

streamed all sorts of shit on real player

and brian you know

comes off very strange

on the podcast sometimes and some people complain

about them but that’s

the reason for that

is he’s just very

weirdly creative he’s a very odd guy

and these videos were fucking hilarious

we have to put them somewhere

some of them up somewhere

the one that you did were

you there was

a guy who this was

after he already moved here

who was giving him a hard time because this guy

was kind of jealous that he got this job working for me

so brian made this

video goofing on him that

yeah it was like

yeah he had a baby

he just recently had a baby he was

married to this girl that looked like

from the girl from

look like harry potter

and so i just made this pretty much

what two minute

video a minute and a half video that

that just was like oh you want to fight here

i was good at

flash animation at the time because when flash

first came out when it was like

shockwave instead of

shockwave is what it was called

macramedia shock

radio yeah they

loved my videos i did so

some person from adobe used to send me

flash like flash

10 20 like this really expensive software

no one had access to this because it was too expensive

so i used to

learn that shit back in the day so i had to make all

these flash videos

now i can’t even

touch flash it’s so fucking impossible

since adobe

was okay okay

i just went to gaydemon com

is that the

whoa this is that is the best website

ever ridiculous

i’m looking for your gay you’re telling me

about your gay gay

dating site

so i go to gay demon

look at this you you

it’s so ridiculous oh my god

it’s so preposterous and ridiculous

have you seen choa niki

let’s describe to

these people what we’re looking okay yeah yeah

we’re doing this this is

cause this is most people are gonna hear this on audio

and they’re gonna be on

their in their car on their way to the gym or

you know on the fucking treadmill well

tell them to imagine that picture

gaydemon com

there’s the

angel and the

devil the classic

angel and the

devil like from animal house one on each other

well the angel

is on one side and he’s this buff

gay guy and he’s got a guy sucking his dick

and then below him

there’s a guy

sucking that guy’s dick and eating that guy’s ass

and they’re the same

guys doing both no no no

other guys they’re like is a

stack of guys like one of

those cheerleader pyramids

and it’s all

dude a human centipede

sucking guys

and fucking guys in the ass on both sides so the

devil’s getting his dick sucked

and the angels getting

his dick sucked and they’re like looking at each

other like hey what’s up we’re getting our dick sucked

by the way this

whole thing wasn’t so bad

i haven’t even seen any fire

yeah heaven and

dragons fucking

hard there seems

to be no difference they both dragons

fucking dicks

oh yeah google dragons fucking cars that’s a

great website

all fucking car it’s all like

anime of giant dragons fucking cars in the tailpipes

that’s awesome gas tanks

i hung out with the

asian from human

centipede he had a

party and i was invited to a party

stay ever heard

it was the craziest

thing ever you go to his

house he had like all these like

statues of the

human centipede all over his house

it was creepy i wanted to film the

whole thing but you went to win

you went to the guy who created the

human no no no the japanese

or the asian guy that had centipede

human centipede

so he has this all over his

house so he’s

proud of it he had a party

no he had a

party and at his

house he just happened to have all these cool

statues all out through his

house of the

human centipede like i don’t

know there were



or whatever

or plaster molds of himself and a couple buddies

yeah but interesting enough i was trying

to dig and i

think he’s in the

sequel somehow

so i don’t know you

wanna hear something funny

something someone

wrote on twitter

about this conversation

he wrote consumerism with all

these exclamation points

it’s ugly talk

about deeper shit you whores

oh what you know listen you dumb fuck

okay we’re talking

about fantastic

technology and the creation like

human innovation the creation of an m3 or

an apple laptop or anything

we’re talking about

spectacular new

things that are in our

world right now it’s not just

about consumerism

and getting

wrapped up in this whole

hey i’m not into money man

i’m not into consumerism man

like just shut the fuck up okay how did he

how did he send that

tweet yeah did you not

yeah what is your

phone what is it computer stupid

yeah you live in a

house you dumb cunt

i’d like to

see what it’s from

i don’t care

i don’t care he’s a

he’s a piece of shit

i just want to address this

whole retarded

mentality to criticize

other people’s interests

especially other people’s interest when it comes to

things that you can’t attain

so all of a

sudden these

things that you can’t attain become

evil things or bad

things or negative

things we all have fucking

transportation whether it’s a bus

or whether you

drive your own fucking car

we all have

transportation okay no one

unless you are living

in a solar powered

house and you ride a fucking

horse everywhere

okay everyone’s contributing nobody

that’s listening

to this broadcast

right now exactly who

doesn’t have

access to something you got a carbon footprint

motherfucker all

right and this idea that

somehow or another like looking into this

technology and

objects and things

it’s not being obsessed with create or

acquiring diamonds and walking around and

covered in jewels that’s

not what we’re doing what we’re doing is looking at

the incredible shit that

human beings are creating

and how nuts this is and

how different this is in just a few years ago that’s it

all right you

stupid fucks

it makes me it’s not

trolled man

it’s a mentality

that comes up over and over and over

again and it’s

mostly a justification of failure

it’s a justification of either the lack of ambition or

their lack of participating in some sort of

a materialism quest

you know they’re not

in the game at all so they criticize the game you know

i give a fuck

when i see there’s a guy in the hamptons it’s got some

180 million dollar

house it’s the most expensive

house ever and it’s gigantic

you know what

i don’t say

fuck that guy

that fucking

capitalist i go wow

that’s incredible like that guy went for it you know

that’s what i think

now here’s the thing

maybe that guy

doesn’t subscribe to the game

maybe he is capable

of playing this game

but he’s on twitter

criticizing you so

again unless he you sent a

carrier pigeon

to deliver that fucking message

he’s playing

the game somehow exactly he’s just not playing the game

using a fucking computer

you know look we’re all a part of this weird

thing called capitalism

or this weird

thing which

capitalism is just sort of an operating

system that

runs society i mean that’s really what it is

yeah and i might

like apple better and you

might like windows better they’re all operating

systems we’re also

clicking the

same damn icon

i don’t believe that

capitalism is perfect by

any stretch of the imagination nor

do i believe as communism works

i think socialism is a

ridiculous idea because it goes

completely against

human nature

and when you start

criticizing people for

things that they’ve acquired

you’re dumb

there’s things out there that are amazing

a big screen

television is amazing

brian’s got 3d tv in his bedroom that shit’s

amazing oh that was a mis purchase let’s be honest

there’s no way no no no

no here you

wanna have your

throws hold on

i’m gonna roll my

sleeves up step back here’s my conversation

i went to best buy to get tv

i found the tv i wanted

it also had 3d

hot no no just a normal tv

and i was gonna get it then i

checked on my

amazon i’m like how much is this tv and they

didn’t like the tv on there was pretty much the same

but then they were like they had the 3d version for 100

more i’m like

fuck that i’m

gonna get the 3d version for 100

more so i ordered on the amazon got the tv

right then you’ll

never spend

then you get to

spend an extra 150

per pair of goggles then you get to

spend an extra 100

bucks a month or whatever for the special

receiver that can

deliver that amazon had this

had a deal if you bought it it

was for christmas or something like that if you bought

their tv you get free 3d

everything you got the 3d

glasses you got

two pairs you got

and you lose your 3d friends

cause no one fucking cares no no

sorry bob i didn’t charge your oakleys

you get to have a fucking yeah great

you have to charge them yes you do yeah well

i would not recommend a 3d tv is what i’m saying

but if it’s 100

more or something

small then yes

because here’s the cool thing

not people don’t know it makes

everything 3d

if you wanted to but it doesn’t do it well it

doesn’t do it well on

everything i

watch i gotta tell you dude we were at the i have

never seen one i

haven’t seen

his but i have seen one in person at the mall

or at best buy

we went to see and they had

monsters and

aliens playing

i think it might be

worth it just to

watch that movie

dude tronch

that’s the only

movie like when hd

first came out people were like dude you

gotta get hd

why you can

watch flamingos fuck

and the sun rise and high

death and that’s all there was for it

which i get you know your eyes widening

cause you like

watching flamingos fuck

but after three

months that’s

all there was have you played call of duty in 3d

i have played 3d games yeah

it’s cool the on

screen display

is a little further out in

front of your face you still wear

glasses you

still get a fucking headache you

play online

i play call of duty

gives you a headache for some people at

first at first the

first 10 minutes

you have your eyes then you rewire your

brain to go

cross eyed without

giving a headache

and now you’re totally gold

i think it’s more

crazy is this new nintendo 3ds

where i’m watching kids

holding up their 3ds right to

their face with this 3d shit and they’ve already

admitted it in

japan that or dr drew

admitted that that could

cause your eyes to bleed

and like people are already getting

fucked up from it and you know how kids are with

their fucking game boys they’re

gonna put it in their face

hours on end

smash who knows what this is

gonna do to

their fucking eyes man you’re gonna get

bluetooth or some fucking shit at the airport dude

but no no i don’t recommend 3d tv

augmented reality though

that’s that shit

what’s that

would you be able to in the very near future

you know google goggles have you

heard of google goggles yes

amazing so you

point it you

point google goggles at a restaurant or a landmark

and it analyzes what you’re looking at and then spin

gets you out a

search result

based off that so you

point at the golden gate bridge oh yeah

the history

that yeah so


from that that’s

crazy right now for augmented reality stop and

think about that for a second the

translation went up

think about that you

can take a photo of a

building and tells you what the

building is oh yeah

yeah you could create a message

board off of just that

photo it could

translate text in real time you

could have a

check in you

could have a menu

pop out of a coaster that’s

going to be a contact

lens at one point

right so well that’s yeah that’s

shifting 20 or

what but so that is step one

so step two is they have these

augmented reality markers that you can

throw down and look at with a webcam or with a cell

phone application

and it will

make like on the 3ds it makes like a dragon appear

and you can walk around and look at it in 3d and shoot

arrows at it that’s cool

now the next

phase of that is doing that without markers

so imagine this

and i know some people that are working on this

right now and i’m trying to get into space

you launch the app on your cell

phone you look around and it analyzes in real time

in the cloud

it looks at this

table and goes all

right there’s a coconut water

nutritional info do you want to purchase by now

there’s a wine

bottle oh i know what vintage that is from the

fucking thing you can look at the

microphone and tap it there’s information on it

everything that the

barrier between internet and real life is

visual rapidly

dissipated that’s

the next step and it’s yeah but it’s all

gonna have real time

tracking too so imagine hiking up to a

point at a mountain

looking over

a city and tapping it and having information on

that city come out having a communal game pop out of it

all that shit’s happening that’s incredible that’s

gonna be awesome i love

technology and it’s happening now

so fuck you

anti consumerism twitter dick yeah fuck that guy

apologize to

women on youtube

dear woman i thought we’re

gonna talk about mushroom i’m

sorry yeah i thought that was

the mushroom

trip tonight

well we could we

could i got a date tonight

you got going out with the mrs

where you guys

going red lobster

some cheddar

babies too dude it’s only friday

night we gotta

go to red lobster

what do you

think where do you go on a friday

night with the mrs yeah we’re

gonna go out to eat

check out a

movie i heard that that movie

source code is good

her source goes good your highness is great

your highness what are

you talking

about go see arthur what the fuck really no

i mean i like

i do like him

i do like russell

brand why he

entertains me i mean you have to be in the mood for his

quote unquote

brand of entertainment he’s the same character i liked

it so i watched him do stand up

i understand and i was like whoa

i like him whenever he’s a

guest on talk shows i got love to interview

him he seems seems pretty interesting

yeah he’s a fascinating guy

who is your favorite person

to interview like who’s the one person that you think

about all the time that

i can’t believe in the shower

in the shower

do doge i like

james cameron

james cameron i had a

blast check really

james cameron

yeah now a lot of people accuse him of being arrogant

but you know what i think

in order to get that much done as much as he’s gotta be

an obsessed

worker what he did yeah

i mean look at what he’s done but what he’s doing now

avatar 2 is filming all

underwater right

he’s doing the

whole fucking

movie yeah you didn’t know that

avatar 2 filming

underwater with

technology that he created

in order to fucking yeah to

titanic to film

underwater in

titanic i got to hold the 3d

camera that they used on avatar and i held it for about

three minutes and wanted to give out like my

shoulder it’s

crazy heavy and i’m like you held this

thing james like

you’re rich and

powerful enough to hire

40 people to hold this camera for you i was like nope

held it on every single shot ran

down ramps and did all that shit like

he’s gone host serious

but for all the shit that they give

james cameron for being arrogant or

tough to work with or whatever

he came on the show

had a smile

shook my hand was

super nerdy

about everything

and we even had him coming out with a folding

chair and smashing through a

brick wall and hitting

dummies he was

super gamed to have a good time and

he cut his head

on one of the foam rocks that fell the

second time he came on the show

with this big wall and he

burst through it like kool aid

like oh yeah

he picks up a

chair and he’s

gonna hit a

dummy with it and i see

this little spot of crimson on his forehead oh

and our show’s live we have a 10

second delay

so i’m sitting there

interviewing him

and i’m just seeing

thank god it’s away from the camera but i’m

watching blood slowly

trickle out of his forehead

and all i’m thinking

about is the publicist

and the studio and everybody else going like

did you cut

james cameron i

would have brought it up

right away yeah

that would’ve been

cool yeah that

would be cool i

would say dude

i hate to say this but i

think we cut your head

we cut you the fuck open your face

has up here

he’s not in

pain i’m so

well look i’m so

you could kill me

away with it but why

would he do that because he

could what kind of a cunt if you were the type of guy

that kills people because a foam rock fell on your head

you would you have a fucking

trail of bodies behind you like genghis khan

badass you’re really you’re really you’re

crazy he’s not

gonna he’s not

gonna kill you

you’re totally insecure

about this you need to be

more relaxed

about james cameron that’s

ridiculous i do

have an awesome opportunity there

to tell him

that you cut him hey look i

still get my

great interview

and i had photoshops of me fucking the navi so

i was on really

yeah i said like he was like the

aliens have to seem fuckable

is that what he

said oh that was his big

thing for pandora he’s like

i want you to

choose aliens

someone you want to fuck and he talked

about it yeah

i did want to fuck that girl

right when he got down with her i was like okay i

could see it

i could see her being attracted

especially if like

you’re big and blue too you’re like yeah fuck it up big

and blue too

but they like make

with animals with

their braid why don’t you jack his

braid into her

something like that

you have refinement

with your hair

oh madison slash fiction

that’ll hit the net very soon

yeah james cameron

that guy’s doing some

crazy shit right now man he’s

doing some amazing

stuff bummed i

never got to interview mitch hedberg

super bummed

about that and

super bummed i

never got to interview

leslie nelson

cause he shaped oh no

shaped my i just

watched creep show the

other day and i forgot

leslie nielsen was in it and ted

danson which was

crazy but that

leslie nielsen

growing up was one of my faves

i saw naked gun

recently and it was so

weird seeing oj simpson in

cause you forget

how as a kid growing up i

loved oj simpson everybody did you know

especially from that role

that was one of the

weirdest moments in

human history

when this loved man this guy who was like

he played the

game so well was so charming and only even dated

white women

so people didn’t even

think of him as

black it’s like

here’s this charming handsome

black man who

spoke so well

and then all of a

sudden he’s cutting people’s fucking heads

allegedly nah

yeah some of them

go i read the

i was in like

sixth grade or

seventh grade i

think and i had the chris

darden book on that

trial i was fascinated by it i was like this is some

crazy shit that’s

going on i got up

early me and my

girlfriend we were

living in north hollywood my

girlfriend bridget at the time

we got up early

and we sat in

front of the fucking tv

and watched the verdict

right and we both went whoa

we’re both like what is

going on like how is this real

how am i watching this guy get off

and he’s clapping and

it was a racist that’s why

and the glove didn’t fit

it was a little

bit of both

and it was also the

weird thing where

black people wanted

someone to win

on there they

wanted him to get it yeah they wanted him to win

because the rodney

king yeah well

that rodney king

thing fucked everybody up when you

watch a guy get

beat fucking half census with

sticks what

about that all

these youtube and cell phone

videos of like my brother’s a cop

by the way you

should beat that guy half

sense they should have just fucking shot him

like that guy was

crazy methed up asshole

he was high on pcp beating the fuck out of cop he was

fighting them

they had to hit him with

sticks yeah

they definitely got out online yeah they

definitely got a little

crazy but the notion that now you can’t again

i fucking love cops

truly do my brother’s

one he’s one of the good ones and i respect the shit

out of what he does every day

i read teleprompter i read words

he puts his

fucking shit in the line

i know a lot of cops but with that respect

for cops the notion of not being able to film them

when they’re performing

their duties ridiculous

ridiculous and the fact

that people are getting

their cell phones taken away

and getting arrested they’re not even part of what’s

going on they’re

getting arrested for invasion of privacy yeah

that’s fucked up

there’s actual laws against

videotaping cops

while they’re doing their job

this is ridiculous

do you see that guy in seattle that

punched that

chick you ever see that

there’s a bunch of

black women

and he’s a little

white guy and he’s arresting one and

this other black

woman comes

along and she’s

pulling the girl away

and she pulls him away she grabs a hold of him

and he turns around and

blasts her right in the face

and then you know

other people are filming like oh shit no he didn’t

no he didn’t

right like wow

like this is like this is what it this is

chaos what you

filmed here the

eight year old boy that got pepper

sprayed pepper sprayed at

school what and they’re like that’s fucking excessive

force excessive force

and sprayed a cop pepper

sprayed him

and the mom is suing

the cops in the

school district and everybody overnight

the headline of that you go

that’s fucked up who pepper

sprays me but

turns out he like held up a pencil in the

class threatened everybody said quote i’m

gonna kill all of you


the cops came

up they were threatening the cops and doing

everything i’m like

your fucking kid was out of hand if i said i’m

gonna kill all you


at a school and threaten

to stab people

i deserve a little peppers with a pencil yeah

which i mean it was

eight years old though

he was like

eight or nine years old yeah hey i’m

gonna kill you

shut the fuck up

give me that pencil that’s a

trouble kid

you should arrest his parents

that’s what i’m saying yeah you got a kid that’s that

angry and that wants to kill everybody in

class you need

to find out what the fuck they did to him yeah

absolutely i’m

sure the mom was a star on 16 and pregnant

oh that show

is out of control

lately on tmz it seems like

every day there’s a new

fight or a new person in your life what it seems like

just like we were talking

about with porn that porn’s getting

accelerating getting more and more fucked up

reality television

is getting more and more fucked up too to the

point where

how many people are getting pregnant

trying to be on that show trying to be on the show

it glorifies it it says well i’m

16 i live in the middle of nowhere and i have nothing

going for me i know what i’m doing i have a

child that will love me

and then mtv is

gonna give me a

salary to put

every moment of this on the air

oh it’s so scary

and sketch my moments and put my life to a

soundtrack that they can sell on itunes

and i watch it we live in

streams i watch

the shit out of that show

macy’s amazing do you really

watch it white bentley’s

great yeah my

girlfriend makes me watch it

really i totally do

wow without arguing

i watched for the

first time dancing with the stars

what the fuck’s

wrong with you

you know did you see kirstie

alley get dropped no i heard

about it you

should google that and i

heard that the guy was trying to make

excuses like

my knee gave out it’s normal

it has nothing to it’s normal when

you’re dragging a 400

pound woman across the fucking

floor yeah has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a

monster that she has

eaten herself into horrific proportions

she’s a monster

she took what was a hot shape

and for whatever

what is it is it

self loathing

is it indulgence

is it gluttony

she’s just eating herself into a real time

you have to fucking work at getting that big man

that’s shitty

yeah especially a

woman who’s like constantly talking

about losing weight

i mean her whole

thing is like losing

weight that actress

thing too yeah

that was her whole

i love there’s a kid on youtube who was testing

fruit gushers

have you seen that no he does like a

snack review he’s like

twelve and he’s already way too big for his age

and he does like he reviews thin

mitts and gushers and

eats them and then looks into his webcam and tells you

yeah that’s a must buy

hold on a second let

me keep exploring

you gotta look it’s

gushers must buy and it’s this

young kid on his webcam and i’m like

where are the fucking

parents man

that’s hilarious

where are the fucking parents

christy alley just

never got over diane i

think is that what it is yeah

yeah man shit happens dude

it’s a problem when you’re in a reality or

a big hit sitcom

or do you ever

ever have a weight

issue being in

front of camera like being

on camera did it ever get to you and like you have

to look a certain way or feel a certain way to be no

i’m fatter now than i’ve ever been in my life

for sure i could see it in my

fat face and i

could see it in my gut like i can i can

pinch i can pinch

fat around me it’s really because i’m

traveling a lot and i hurt my back

i popped what’s called a rib head

a rib head is a

it’s what connects like

some shit on your back anyway

point is when i did it i couldn’t do

jiu jitsu for like two months

and i didn’t lift

heavy for two

months either

all i did was just hit the bag

and i didn’t even do that all that consistently

so i tried to let myself heal up and in the process i

ate just like i always do isn’t that the

bitch of it yeah like you

you kick your eyes off the

prize one second and

it’s gone yeah it’s gone and muscle memories bullshit

but fortunately for me no it’s not it’s totally

real but not when

you’re in that two weeks recovering from an injury or

something else like

there’s nothing worse

yeah injuries are brutal

but it’s part of the game my

whole back is fucked up and i’m

still training through

it like an asshole really i need to go get it looked at

what’s wrong with your back

great question

yeah when you say

training like what are you doing i

started recently getting into weightlifting

yeah yeah just

heavy weightlifting i’ve

never been in

shape my entire life kettlebells yeah i did

was that kettlebells no

no just traditional

teach you the ways of kettlebells son

but i teach you the ways of men i did one of

those 23andme tests

where you spit in the vial and they analyze your dna

and tell you what your

predispositions are

right you know

and it was like

morbid obesity

was 999 percent

repeating whoa

and that was like a

so it’s a genetic issue yeah

well i mean

i’m predisposed to it obviously


to more but obesity but looky you’re so lean but

i’m kind of the only one

in my family that is though and i kind of developed a

neuroses about it at one

point i’ve always

worked out so much i

never had to

worry about my weight on tv

but you know that idea that

it puts 10 pounds on you that’s complete

total horseshit that’s just

fat girls who don’t know what they really look like

and they see themselves on camera oh my

god have you

ever have you ever seen a

standard death

a standard death

stream stretched out on an hdtv

that will put down

that will fuck you

up real fast that’s like a heart

video but in reverse

you remember

those videos

heart remember this is the

first time they

experimented like how do we get this fat

bitch to look hot

we gotta fucking

we gotta distort her

frame and make

it look like we’re looking at her through like

alice in wonderland

seeing eyeglasses i saw a demo of software now that

for actually you don’t need

tracking markers or any

green screen bullshit but you film an actor doing

their performance like you normally

would and it

kinda does an xbox connect

style analysis of

their frame and

builds a skeleton

and then does

pixel detection

to see where they’re

i call them

renaissance fair arms

where the turkey leg hangs

right it sees where the

ren fair arms

ends right and

where the scenery

begins and you can real time dynamically

slide how fat thin tall or

short a person is

and it will re

render the video

to make actors seem bulkier

to make them seem thinner so

whatever there’s demos of it on youtube

right well that 300

shit what they did with 300

i mean a lot of people they showed the 300 workout

this is what they did to get in such amazing shape

no they didn’t

do you know what kind of a fucking diet you

would have to be on and how long you

would have to be on it and how consistent you

would have to be

the best shape

of your life

it would take years

and years of hard

training to

reach like wow

gerald what is the name gerald butler gerard

butler gerard butler

which if you see him now who did like

snl recently he’s fat

dopey and soft

it’s totally i

showed my girlfriend that i was like that’s

what that ends up like

what spartan looks like he actually got in

shape for that

movie i’m sure no

he did and they

added all that

other cgi shit

to him to make him look better than he really did but

shit shit that guy i’m not into him man i

fucking loved him in that

movie i haven’t seen it yet

i loved him in that

movie and then

everything i’ve seen in him

since then i’m like god man why are you

annoying me

you know how come i’m not always doing

rom coms now and although he did do that what is that

what’s rom com romantic comedies oh my god

you’ll work

how dare you

how dare you

rom com you

just dork out

you dork out

if you have not do i get a ruling bro i’ve

never even heard that i’m fucking industry that’s why i

know if you’ve

never seen a catherine

heigl movie and rubbed her vagina in a theater

oh missing out she’s another one man i liked her in the

first movie i saw her in what was that what was her big

movie the fucking

movie with seth rogen

she was oh that was a

i liked her

maybe i liked her because she was fucking a fat guy

i was like oh that’s really sweet

fuck that guy and then

and then he

never really

got a shit together and did read the baby books and

she’s kind of hot and cool and

at the end that one

night stand

slash pregnancy totally worked out

yeah knocked out

beautiful that’s how it works

you know that

um that other one that she did recently with

josh duhamel

that was his name is

i’m not gonna feel

the guy from vegas

the guy from

vegas very nice guy i did an episode of

vegas he’s cool as fuck

he’s the one who’s

married to fergie

from the black eyed peas

okay anyway

he did some

movie with her and it looks so i didn’t even

watch it i just

watched it on tv

on the movie on the

screen on a plane

i watched on a plane

while i was writing

and i would look up and get angry

angry i get

angry to help my writing

i’m listening to fucking hendrix

i would look up at this

stupid shit

and all these

slack jawed business face douchebags

watching this

stupid ass fucking

movie when you know what’s

gonna happen like there’s not a goddamn

shocker in this

movie it was no

devil wears prada

i always accidentally

watched the porn version of that movie

i’m always with a girl and they’re like oh my god

devil’s wear prada

and then we turn it on

devil’s wear nada

and it’s on like

every day and it’s always the same on what what channel

showtime showtime

always watching that i love that i had an oh man

i was so close to doing one of

those i had an offer to be in one that was

a porn yeah it was like softcore cinemax whatever

and i was gonna play like brad

like the camera guy who gets decapitated in an attic

after getting blown

and i so wanted to do it and just did not pan out

a girl that i dated

a long time ago i saw her once

in one of those

so i was on another date

i was at this

chick’s house i’m

flipping through the channels

and all of a

sudden out of nowhere like a

girl i did like a year before that was on this fucking

this softcore porn

movie it was like so cheesy and so bad

it was so stupid

it was but it was

weird you know

what was the setting was it

tennis instructor

i barely remember

we’re talking we’re

going way back more than 10 years ago

it was probably like

96 or something did

you finish i just

moved to la

so like i didn’t it was too it was a much bigger

much bigger

shock to me

because like just knowing someone and seeing them on

television like

being around

famous people when you

first you know like

moved to hollywood it’s the

weirdest thing like you don’t even

expect them to be real

you think they’re like holograms and

you know and

then when you meet someone in real life then all of a

sudden they’re on television

you know it’s like

still fucking

weirds me out man

now i’m getting used to it i’m pretty used to it now

but back then i was really and it was a girl you dated

then all of a

sudden you’re seeing her in some fucking

stupid movie or she’s making out with some guy

she was a girl that was in a show called

hardball with me

no that’s it i just saw

a preview for hardball the

other day it’s just confused

two stories

just confused

two stories

there’s another one this is another

girl from hardball is not a girl

that i didn’t i’m like i didn’t date that girl

i didn’t date that girl it’s a different

girl but that was another girl that i also saw

around the same time also in a soft car

i’m still waiting to come across like on a

euges or a red tube or something like that i’m waiting

to come across

something in x

and fucking high

school i know you know

i’ve never had this

bound to happen

i know me too they’re

playing the numbers

game and believe me i

watch enough to try to get through that

every day still not

found it imagine if you didn’t notice and you were like

cause like sometimes like you know when if someone

especially as time goes on

like ten years ago you forget people

you forget people you forget

you forget everything

and then you’re beating off

and then like halfway in the middle of the

video like i fucked her real life

oh my god why did

she let me do that to her back then i had a blab

yeah yeah your asshole’s sore

no wonder it’s sore

now i know why

i’m just happy that that

when i used to

like there’s been a couple times

where i fucked on camera before

and it was back when like webcams

first came out

and i’m just

happy that that didn’t that so it got on the internet

you fucked on the internet like

twice well that fucking what about that

thing man that can

and go back in time and it’s not

record that

imagine if it

could though

why that’s not outside

the realm of possibility i was just

drunk and i’m like did you

watch this you imagine if

streaming was

all recorded somewhere because it’s really just one

zero is going through a fucking computer if they

figure out how

to go back in time and

look reprocess your

fbi absolutely

have machines that are taking all the

copies of ones

and zeros that are spitting through the internet

right now so

right now data centers at at amp

t and little garden all that shit

they have machines that are

mirroring all that

damn machines that are i bet

this is true this is not

conspiracy theory

would you think

would you think

absolutely your documented proof

would you think like

15 years ago they were doing that too though like

not to that

level but where do you

think that there’s

going to be

technology to go back and somehow you know

get that somehow

that could be amazing

yeah i mean i don’t believe

i believe from

here on out whatever here is not this year or not

today but there has been there was a turning

point from that

point on all

those ones and zeros

exist somewhere

absolutely do yeah

well the really

crazy idea is that at one

point in time there’s

gonna be some sort of a computer that’s so fucking

powerful and that

computing power and

what’s capable

what they’re capable of extrapolating from any

given circumstance

is that what they’re

going to be able to do is see the

world in every aspect like

every single

thing about the

world today

and literally

put into a computer how did this get into

place how did this get into

place in relationship with that and go back in time

and literally

be able to recreate the entire

model of life on this planet

and life in the universe

everything from the very beginning to end

until they get back to

jesus creating it

which is only

ironically a few thousand years ago it’s that easy

they don’t have to go back very

slow six grand

but here’s the

thing they’ve

already figured out how to record memories

right they can really

they believe they can

put people’s

heads and devices and record those

electrical impulses and see

where they’re

going off in the

brains and then glean

the ones and zero data from that

right so i did not know this

how can you transfer it from you to me

well that’s

where they’re

still working on

they know how to record it

they can gather that data

it’s putting that data back into somebody that’s the

issue so imagine a near future

where you put on a cap

or you have your johnny

mnemonic neural implant and you go

i want to go skydiving

today double

click and you pay 4 99 for that adventure

and it plays back somebody’s memory that was recorded

of them free falling

what’s up what’s up

i don’t remember what you know the one julia yes

that was all

about that where they

put in memories

strange no yeah

strange something okay

yeah remember it’s like a man

like yeah i thought

i never remember johnny mnemonic

which was a

great shot of

netflix someone someone on

twitter i’m sure

knows what the fuck this is come on

it was weird

the whole the

whole idea of the

movie was that that that’s what you do you

would like put memories in

your head and

stuff like that well they can already record them

now the issue is playback so once they have that down

imagine an app

store for experiences

well you know i thought

about that the

other day when i was looking at my iphone strange

days strange days

knuckles bam powerful

i was looking at my iphone and it was

something that my

daughter did that was hilarious and i was

watching and i was like okay this happened

you know it happened five minutes ago now i’m

watching on this

video it’s so simple and so easy like

this is seriously like a time capture yeah

like it’s some it’s a very remedial

rudimentary form of time capture so imagine all the

senses we have

right all the

stuff that we can perceive that this

thing just captures a 2d

image of right yeah so imagine

infrared with sonar with feeling sent

with feeling potentially

right so you’re

gonna capture

scenes but you’re

gonna capture

every aspect of a

scene so that when you

wanna play it back

it’ll be just like you’re living in that moment

because it’ll tap into all those

senses you’ve

done the isolation tank i have yeah you’ve done it

at the same place the

float lab in venice

and because we were talking

about crash the mad scientist down there that creates

these fucking things but

you know he’s working on that

whole screen

setup you know

about all that

right yeah what do you

think about all that no it’s flat concept i

agree with it in theory

for those who don’t know the idea is that you’re

floating in an isolation tank so you’re isolated from

light sound

you don’t know

where your skin ends and

where the warm body temperature

water begins

and because of that your body and your

senses are zeroed out

right so you’re

completely open to everything

and the idea is that there’s

going to be an lcd

screen in front of you that’s projecting

the perfect golf

swing or projecting how to

function like

rocco or how to

drive a race car like andretti

you went rocco dude you went 90s

rocco animal freddy’s

classic that’s a

classic he’s not even

dirty anymore

but he’s still a

classic he tapped out when he did too

the point is

his notion is that you’ll be able to

watch that in a dept tank

and because

your brain is so in

tuned and open to all

these memories

it’s gonna flood

right in the problem is that

that’s not a pure

input method to the

brain you’re gonna be

aware in that moment that you’re

watching an lcd

screen there’s gonna be

light beaming into your eyes

it’ll defeat the

whole purpose

of sensory deprivation yes and no

but it also

instead of just

sensory deprivation it minimizes the sensory

input and allows you to have more

mental resources to concentrate on the

video that is true

now that’ll give so if you

wanna watch


yeah if you want

to numb your

senses and just be

focused into one

thing that’s fine

but i don’t believe it’s

going to somehow reprogram your

brain that’s how it’s

pitched to me that

it will change your

brain to do that it

might make you more

aware of something that’s true

i think it allows your

brain to use more resources

i don’t know

brian i mean i’m not necessarily willing to

i mean look i’m a huge proponent of nothing

of the sensory deprivation tank in and of itself being

emptiness nothing nothing there i don’t want any

input at all i want no hearing no seeing no

touching i want to

untether my body from my mind visually

physically in

every single

way and that’s you know that’s what i’m all

about with the isolation tank

experience but i’m willing to listen

you know i’m willing to like

it might be

maybe maybe i’ll try

here so it just

doesn’t sound

it doesn’t you know i’m not

fully on board for that vision i’m

down i’m going to

wrap that thing in

tinfoil because there’s

still 3g signals and

wi fi hitting your body in there yeah you’re gonna die

i’m not down with this little

screen well i’m down with doing it in some sort of a

large circular thing

where it’s much much larger what i’m

thinking of is

you’re in the center

almost like in like a

giant circular

pod and above you

there’s a screen sort of like

an imac screen

and that is the

input and it’s

large and circular and when

like say if you have some sort of a

video on space

it literally

would become the

whole sky right

you know that i

think is possible and that’s very fascinating to

me i’m waiting for someone to create

technology that beams the

image into your eye

cause that’s the only way you’re

gonna really be able to fully

flood someone’s periphery

right is to beam it in there so imagine like so you

don’t see your own nose you don’t see anything right so

imagine a projector that’s locked in that

can quickly and dynamically response to your eyes

maybe moving around or shifting

but that’s adjusting focal

levels beaming

image a and image b

into your eye giving you that shutter effect

you’ll be able to

completely zone

out on something and your periphery

would be flooded

you don’t want to

get in on the ground

floor of that one

yeah you don’t want to be fucking blind

the nintendo 3ds you don’t want the

first you want

to like see what happens

in six months like the

first dudes who

tried wi fi or the

first dudes who

tried or like microwaves

yes i was just trying to make a salisbury

steak now i have a vagina

that’s weird lasix lasik

surgery the

first guys to get in there and get

their eyeballs cut open

you know yikes

that doesn’t always work

you know i mean

they’re pretty

goddamn good now now they do it in like it’s a couple

seconds right and you get a

video of it you get like a souvenir photo

like like it’s

splash mountain

here’s where we

lasered your eyeball jesus

we corrupted

the lens right

how many how did they figure that out man

how many people did they have to practice on before

they got that technique down they use cadaver eyeballs

probably goats eyeballs and shit yeah

what’s yeah what’s the closest to

human eyeballs in an animal

i think pig

what if you

could transfer pig eyes to people

well they’ve already got now

again it harkens back to

transhumanism where

they can let

blind people see

rough shapes and hard edges with light

you go five years from now they’re gonna have

same site that we do you go ten years from now they’re

gonna have infrared

heat vision for

all that stuff

yeah it’s a matter of

time because then it’s just a lens as long as they can

beam it right into your brain


like where this is all headed

when you look at this whole


thing you say well what happens

if everybody lives forever what happens if there is no

death i mean what happens and what

about the resources man

we’re already at max you know we’re already

are we though

are we really at

max we’re not really we kind of exaggerate that right

well we say we’re at max

based off future projections

you know we’re not at max like tomorrow we’re fucked

we know at the current rate

with babies being born and ozone depleted and

so much oil in the ground

we know that in 15 20 25 years

we might be

fucked so that’s why we need to investigate it’s also

i mean how much of our energy is projected

and used towards making food

and how much of it is towards

fucking war and politics and nonsense and how the ways

we manufacture

food right now are making us sicker and

there’s a whole

thing there but regarding


in 15 20 years from now we’re

gonna be alive

for debates

that would be

previously unheard of

should someone with a

cybernetic implant

be allowed to run in the olympics or run

for office or

should your kid go to the same elementary

school when he’s got

infrared vision and that helps him with kickball

like that we don’t know i have

these conversations with people when it comes to the

ufc when they

start talking

about how do you feel about

banned substances

because so many people keep getting busted

tiago silva just got busted for turning in non

human urine

because apparently he

yeah no way

he’s not a human he

took something

for his back because he hurt his back but he looked

fucking swole

in his last

fight and he was

super aggressive

to its roles on one podcast whoa

dog there’s four crazy

new clothing line that’s

yeah swole it’s

just a cock it’s just

from gaydemon com what i do is i just take the the best

gay cock picture

dude that’s what you need a rip deep v neck

with like a silhouette

giant cock coming out of the

waist like i’ve been

thinking i need

that too and i’m so glad somebody confirmed

you just gesture to it that’s what

the fuck was i

saying before we got in this i don’t know but i’ve got

into my bladder what’s

up good enough

what we just saying

uh gay demons

oh banned substances

sorry what dragons

fucking cars yeah it didn’t pull up man oh here it goes

one of the um

what banned substances anyway

what i was saying

is that what people have to realize is look at this

dragon fucking a barracuda that’s the

first one i’ve tuned into

see now that’s pretty sweet

dragon’s fucking

car start too

look at that pink cock

going in that muscle

so weird man that is

weird that’s really fucking

weird whoever put

those two together i don’t know

people are strange man but

what i was saying

about substances

is what we’re dealing with now is fairly simple

we’re dealing with people putting

chemicals in

their bodies

we’re dealing with people

like did you take steroids did you take growth hormone

they can’t even test for growth hormone

yet they can test for testosterone they can test for

a bunch of different types of steroids that all work

there’s a reason why

barry bonds got better as he got older

there’s a reason why

roger clemens got better

stayed good as he got

older there’s a reason why

there’s a lot of

these athletes that are well into

their 40s that are competing and

it’s chemicals

and what they’re

basically doing is

a low level form of genetic engineering

and what they’re supposed to tell you is that well

depending on what

you’re looking at whether you’re looking at old people

who are doing it hormone replacement therapy a lot of

people have different takes on that and they say well

that’s okay

because what they’re doing is just

allowing their body to operate as if a

young body did

and allows them to continue to compete

that way you get to see

you know guys play baseball well into

their 40s and do well

but then you get

guys who are like okay well this guy’s taking

you know epo

and he’s got

twice as much red

blood cells as the average

person and he has incredible endurance because of that

and then this guy’s taking

you know antivar and he’s got

amazing muscle density and he’s a fucking anime

they’re getting to

superhuman levels and

right now they’re doing it through

chemicals and they’re injecting themselves with things

but eventually

it’s going to be much more complicated than that it’s

going to be genetic engineering

what eventually it’s

going to do is they’re

going to be able to genetically

manipulate the code of a

human being

and they’re

going to be able to create

human beings

that are superhumans

so we have to figure out man

when it comes to

performance enhancing drugs and trying to

level the playing

field so they say

as far as like steroids and sports

what you have

to realize is this is just the beginning it’s

going to get way way way more complex

they’re working on mile stat inhibitors

where they’ve used

these in mice and the mice

live longer and they jump fucking

three feet in the air and they look like superman

i mean this is

going to happen and people are

going to start taking this

stuff and athletes are

going to start taking it because regular people are

going to start taking it too

because he’s like fuck i want to live

three times as long i want to be able to jump over

buildings and if someone came along

and they have a pill

and they say hey

brian would you like to take this

super athlete pill there’s no

you actually live longer you’re

going to be healthier

because of it there’s no repercussions physically

and it’s 100

bucks 250 bucks

and just changes you forever

fuck you of course you take it

we would kind

of first i let

other people take

our first at

first but there

would be a day

where we would do

the podcast

first athletes are on the

forefront of that and trying to

tweak and hack

their bodies yes

slowly disseminate down to the general public

where every day

your grade school is taking a pill because it’s

gonna make them better at

tetherball exactly and you’re

gonna be able to genetically engineer your

child from birth eventually

gambia will say

i want a six foot six you know

super athletic

super mesomorph son

with incredible iq

talk about class wars that is when it’s really

the shit is

gonna hit the fan

when it’s like talk

about the haves and haves not your kids have

everything they’re born with


super speed and

super metabolism

that’s a very good

point how can i

keep up with that that’s a very good point

but people have to

understand that the inequality and

the inequity of the

world is what fuels

innovation and

what fuels people

competing and competition and

it fuels like change it fuels growth and

evolution and in all forms of

art in all forms of

technology in all forms of anything

where people are

comparing their work to

other people’s work and trying to compete

it’s important

i mean i don’t

think it needs to be complete and

total inequality where

some people are

dying of starvation and

other people are eating diamonds

there’s a balance to be achieved

there but you have to realize that in competition

is growth and that’s how all this that’s the

motivation the energy behind all this

i just imagine kanye west

starting the new

trend of yeah i’m eating pure diamonds

i just mix it into my fucking

smoothies from jamba

juice that’s diamonds


that’s what i’m

drinking yeah

he wouldn’t be far behind that

did you hear about

the kids that are

dying off of taking bath salts and plant food

yeah weak ecstasy

it’s called like diamond dust yeah

we’ve talked

about that and

it’s sort of

what they’re calling it bath salts to sell it

we were totally confused

when we first did it we thought that basalts

it was actual

basalts and someone figured out that you get high

out of it yeah

but they just

labeled it that way and

apparently the chemical

structure of it is not technically illegal

because it’s like a cousin of something that’s

illegal yeah it’s off it’s called methadron i believe

but there’s

don’t put meth in the

it even if it’s a ph

don’t put meth in the name

of something if you want someone to really try it but

they’re making

them to get into it they’re making them illegal and

one of the ways they’re making them illegal is there’s

like a law that

allows you to make

things illegal that are

next door neighbors cousins to

things that are illegal

you know they use that with

dimethyltryptamine and 5 methoxy dimethyltryptamine

you know 5 methoxy

dmt nn dimethyltrypdine it was the big one that was

used in the 60s and that was

the army research

lab used to fucking they had buckets of this shit

and scientists were getting a hold

of it and that’s

how a mechanic got a hold of it and a lot of

other people got a hold of it

well when they locked that shit down in 1970

they didn’t know

about 5 methoxy dimethyltryptine

which is actually more potent

gram for gram than regular and you

could buy it online man i bought this shit

from american chemical company i

ordered it online

really many many years

ago would it arrive as a powder or

a powder in

a little vitamin bottle

it’s ridiculous

there’s enough in that

thing to get barbecued for the rest of your life

you could cook your brain how

do you regulate

and make something illegal that your body

naturally produces and

secretes well you know that’s a good point

but you know your body also

naturally secretes testosterone

and there’s the question

should testosterone

be available

for everyone

well like sad

effects for weed

they’re like well

you’ve heard of sativax

right what is that

pharmaceutical form of sativa

and they’ve done

trials with it in the uk and they

find that oh

these medicinal

marijuana yeah we can regulate it and put it in pill

form and we’ll call it sativax and it’ll give the same

effects as smoke in a bowl of sativa weed

they’ve managed to isolate work

yeah it does its

synthetic thc

but they’re managed to

make a naturally

produced product illegal

right and then sell you the pill form of it

which is created in a lab

right how long before monsanto

starts you know genetically

engineering marijuana and making you know its

strains right

you know bacteria resistant

this and then

throwing johnny

apple seeds

out so everybody’s growing it so they can sue you later

so you yeah how

crazy is that

it’s they’re patenting nature

that’s really

bizarre i mean

they’re trying to patent pig parts and pigs and

and human organs i mean that’s next

they’ll find a way to

slightly tweak

modify and then patent the

human genome sure

exactly they’ll own a certain

level of person and this type of person

you know they can call them like artificial people or

yeah if you want a designer baby that’s fine

but if he’s

gonna have blue eyes and be over six feet

you want monsanto a

check every

month that’s

gonna happen

that is gonna happen

right you’re

gonna have to pay some sort of

a some sort of a

royalty a subscription fee

subscription fee for the perfect

child apples

gonna do it to

where is it all end

you know i mean there’s the mckinley

to there’s a

kurtz will do you think so

i hope not do you are you of

familiar at all

with any of

these people like the graham hancocks or

john anthony west to the

world these people that believe that there was

a distant civilization that was

super advanced that somehow or another

everything fucked up

whether it was because of natural disasters

or whether it was because of something man made

and that we’re

literally another

generation or

we have rebuilt from 6 000

plus years ago

right like they sent dna

or sent embryos or whatever and shotgun

blast them out into

space no no no

no no oh i’ve heard that

theory yeah

that’s another theory that’s pansperia i mean

that well no

i think you’re talking

about something differently i’m talking about

stuff that came in on asteroids

but what i’m talking

about by this by this

john anthony west and

robert schock

and all these other

what they’re subscribing to

graham hancock is another one

is that civilization at one

point in time whether it’s ten thousand

five hundred

twelve thousand

five hundred

you know bc somewhere else

was like very advanced

right okay so like we are pyramids

and mayans they figured it out and then they somehow

fucked it up

and we survived out of that well i

think they’re pretty sure that the pyramids were

built at 2 500 bc

but there’s also

some other shit

around the pyramids

that’s confusing

because there’s some

stuff there’s like certain

styles of building

and some of them they’ve

found that are like deep deep

underground that they’ve had to

like dig out

and they were

covered in sand

like you know

the sphinx when they

initially found it

was covered in sand and even back in

the hieroglyph

days sphinx was

covered in sand

like one of the

who it was tut

moses the third i

think almost

had to uncover it

like that’s part of the hieroglyphs

i think what they’re trying to say is that at one

point in time we had achieved

great heights

whether or not

exactly parallel with the way we live

today with technology i mean it

might have been something different

right it might have been harnessing the

power of sun with

mirrors and limestone in a way

that created a nuke blast

as opposed to

or it might have also been a


based society

where we were

much more into shamanic rituals and

communicating with

the spirit world or whatever the fuck that is

it could have been a lot of that too

i think it’s very possible it’s very very

possible our

ancestors could have been

candy flippers yes

that could happen yes well that’s

well there’s a lot of evidence to that

there’s a lot of evidence to that i believe that so

you know when you go to the vedic text and you know

i mean they all talk

about a different

psychedelic bruise it’s pretty

clear they’re talking

about something that you take

you know and look that stuff

existed forever we know that

we also know that ancient

cultures have been worshipping cows

since the beginning of time

and not even eating them even when they’re fucking

starving and that to me

reeks of some deity

why is it a deity oh because we use

their milk and

they plow the

field towards bullshit

you’re getting cow shit and there’s mushrooms that grow

that cow shit and you’re

tripping your fucking balls off that’s what’s really

going on you’re worshipping these cows

the worship that they have is not

indicative of anything

other than the consumption of


it’s like this weird love

for this cow

like to me that’s producing

that door that

allows you to unlock

things in your

brain for that to happen

to me that seems

people naturally

identify with

their own type and are as

cruel to animals as they need to be

and when you’re

starving you need to be

cruel to animals

but yet they don’t

and there’s

this disconnect from

their actual physical needs

and this love that worships on this

deifying this animal

and we also know that they’re big on fucking

psychedelics we know that

their past has lots of

references in the ancient text to

psychedelics and


mushrooms grow better on cow shit than anywhere in the

world that’s the best

power by the way

where’s that on a maui you

wouldn’t know it

right on the island

really you find

them up there you just take the road to hana

and when you’re there like the hana

maori resort

the big old hill you just

climb it at

about 6 00 in the morning

it’s everywhere

you know the entire pacific

northwest of the united

states the entire pacific northwest

literally is like a mind

of spores it’s like

one gigantic organism life form like a base of spores

they’re fucking

everywhere up there

psychedelic mushrooms like

there’s people

that go up there and find them and grow them but

it’s all connected with some i mean

literally if you believe that

psychedelic mushrooms

are some sort of a life form from somewhere else

which a lot of people believe

they believe that

much like they believe that

the pants barrier theory that we were talking

about earlier that

amino acids and all sorts of

water and different

things came from asteroids

hit earth and that started in

seeded life they believe that somehow or another these

spores came from

other planets

you know because

spores can survive in a vacuum and

spores can survive the deep radiation of space and

and to fact that this is like some

something that permeates one entire part of the country

you know i remember

watching or

reading something

about it about

you know like

if you like

connected it all together like you know

the how far and how wide it is

you know and

these mushrooms

keep growing in the same space

the same air and then

just know that they

made me see words come out of somebody’s

mouth once really

that was the fucking

trip of my life

do they look like english words yeah

it was at a moment

i could hear conversations in the

other room i couldn’t hear them but i

could literally see words in

3d text form

floating over the partitions in this guy’s

loft in downtown la

i was like what

and i looked at them like

and i started recalling to my friend who was there

granted this is all

we’re all fucked up

but i’m like they’re talking

about such and such in there

how do you hear that the

music’s so loud

i can see it and went in there

and was literally as people were talking to me i was

watching their

mouths open up

and the words that

they were saying were physically coming out as text

their mouths were warping around it

and so i must have looked like a

tweaker and a half watching

these words go by because i was trying to read it

like a ticker

as they were talking so

the outside

where i was scratching and

going like this

they probably

thought they’d fuck me up did you ask them if you were

right well i was

absolutely right we talked

about it to

this day like i saw words coming out of people’s

mouths and was reading

maybe i was hearing it and it was like some

your head was just

yeah like a synesthesia my

brain was going this is what they’re saying

i don’t know but you

checked with

them about what

they were saying yeah

what were you on

it’s just mushrooms how much

not that much


two couple stems couple caps

really peanut butter

see see what’s weird

kevin is that

lightweight a lot of people

especially that i met through joe

they’re firm believers of like you just

gotta eat a shitload of mushrooms

i’ve never done this my

whole life it’s always been like half an eighth

maybe you know

and i just took a that even

sounds like

crazy yeah i just took like

half of a half of the eighth recently

and had probably the

most hardcore visuals i’ve ever had in my life really

like mushrooms when

i have friends at

smoke salvia

and they’ll see

visual distortions in the room

they’ll look up and the ceiling’ll rip apart and

like snow will come in i’m like

that’s cool that

sounds fun when i

smoke it i go to another fucking dimension to

another dimension

i didn’t do it

right the first time i did it

yeah i only did it once and i didn’t do it

right and i just

did what they did i was like an out of body experience

but you know what you guys are talking about

you absolutely can get a brilliant and beautiful

experience from just a little bit of mushrooms yeah

there’s no doubt

about it but

it’s not the same

experience you

take a lot how do you know that

cause i’ve done both

cause you’ve done a little and you’ve done

a lot yeah but

there’s a point of it’s all

about the mushrooms i think

why are you saying how do you know that dude this is

documented throughout

human history people have been doing it the shamanic

way where they take this

large dose in

silent darkness

and they do it and they have a different

experience than when you take

smaller doses and

they know what they’re doing

i’ve had no

physiologically the different

effects that it has on the

human body but i’ve had

the most i’ve ever had was probably

maybe a quarter of mushrooms before okay but

are you not listening to what you’re

saying because if you’re saying the most i’ve ever had

you don’t have experience

about taking five

grams or six

grams i know you don’t have that

experience no

but i’m saying in a different way

i’ve had a quarter before

and yes i’ve had

a crazy ass shroom

experience i had

half of an eighth the other day

and it blew that shit out of the

water times a million

then it was just different mushrooms it

could be that it also could be

where you are physically

it could be what you had in your stomach it

could be you know

there’s a lot of different

things but that

doesn’t mean anything because you

haven’t had the full

blown experience of the big

to compare it to yeah

but does it even do anything when it gets to a certain

point i was gonna

say for me at some

point i don’t know what’s beyond that because i

would have pissed myself and vomited

one of those

i can’t go any

further than that physically

mckenna did a

lecture once and he was talking

about a friend of his that

who chose to

remain anonymous but he was like this

crazy psychedelic guy who

every time he did mushrooms

his goal was to try to tolerate more

and he would go to like 10

grams and have

these like god knows

what you do is you literally

completely dissolve you cease to

exist and you

make contact

with whatever the fuck it is that you’re making contact

it seems like

at first it seems

like another life form it seems like some sort of a

thing that’s communicating with you and then somewhere

along the line

it becomes like another world

it becomes like

this goes away

and you go into this next

sort of dimension

it’s incredible it’s so religious and beautiful

and when i say religious it’s like iconic imagery

but almost indescribable because they’re

morphing and

changing around you but it’s all like

love and wisdom and

warmth and septance

as powerful

as what it’s not poison the ld50 rate

is ridiculously high

you have to eat like

shitloads of mushrooms to die

it’s not poison to

die yes but probably not i mean mushrooms is a mushroom

it is a poison to your body no it’s not

mushroom’s not poison brian it’s

salt is poison is salt poison

well if you eat a half

pound of salt you fucking die

it’s not salt is not a poison

strict nine’s a fucking poison what

psychedelic drugs are is there something that

allows your

body to tune into whatever the fuck it is to change

the chemical composition of your

brain to fuck with your

neurochemistry to the

point where you

but to be fair some

would define

that as a poison

we would say you’re poisoning your body

but there’s no negative

health effect

everything is

reacting but you don’t but it’s not

he doesn’t wreck

your butt it’s

shocking some

people have

worn out mushrooms and psilocybin

to depressiveness bipolarism

manic states now i’m not yeah

but that’s not good

studies exactly

those people

could’ve easily get

which is why they’re doing

which is psychedelic

hardcore drugs just like they

say salvia killed some kid but

he was having issues and i’m sure

of course so yeah

what i’m saying is

you know i i’m

absolutely with you that

small doses can give you beautiful

experiences but it’s a different thing

than the high doses the high doses are ego

obliterating i’ll

never achieve that

no you scared oh yeah scared

homie from that last time man

i know i had a flight the next day and i

ended up at

lax swiping my credit card from terminal to terminal

in the machines hoping one

would recognize my

itinerary and spit it out

oh this was really unprofessional

i probably shouldn’t have

eaten all those mushrooms the

night before a flight to new york in a

shoot but you figured out how to get there how

could you not figure out how to look at your

phone in your

email that tells you

where you’re supposed

to go one of

those things

i good shit

i had a really

strong dmt trip

which is the last one that i had and i

haven’t done anything

like that in a couple of years

because it was so

powerful that for like

a couple weeks afterwards

nothing seemed normal

i mean everything worked

i could read i

could watch tv i

could have conversations i

could talk to people no one would know

that behind the surface i was like

i don’t believe in the

world anymore i don’t

trust in this dimension

you’re waiting for

morpheus to load a

patch to fly a helicopter to your brain yeah

believe now you’re in the

matrix it was so

it was so humbling and so

crazy and moving and people go

bro it’s just fucking drugs man

just doing drugs

and you get your heads getting all fucked up

it’s all you doing is you doing drugs

maybe maybe

maybe not you don’t know

we’re not really sure what’s

going on but i guarantee you that

changed my life

i can guarantee

you that whatever that is if it’s just drugs

that just drugs

changed me as a

human being and made me reevaluate everything

you know n is

still to this day like

haunted that’s the

thing it’s just religion

it’s just something you believe in that changes

every facet

of your life that

has given you visions and made you appreciate

things in a new way that’s all it is well it’s just the

real it’s the real religion the real religion is the

psychedelic experience

i mean there’s a john

marco allegro book they’re all just israel

that used to prescribe to them

there’s a john

marco allegro book who is

one of the scholars that reviewed the dead sea

scrolls he deciphered the dead sea

scrolls for 14 years worked on it

and at the end of 14 years he said

that the entire

christian religion was a huge misunderstanding

and what it really was

about was the consumption of

psychedelic mushrooms and fertility cults and he

wraps it all up it’s

almost impossible to follow to follow

the origins of the words and

it’s really

trippy shit but

the fact that this guy’s got it locked down

to this one mushroom this

psychedelic mushroom that’s

taken throughout europe constantly

and we know that the vikings

took mushrooms and they

would go on berserkers

you know they

would call they

would get fucked

up on mushrooms and then go attack villages

you know i mean that’s how they were

yeah man they

would get high on

mushrooms i

still maintain i

found my spirituality on salvia

i started with

small doses and then i’ve done

about six times and i don’t

wanna do it

again because the last time i did it was so fucking

powerful and

magical very

similar to your dmt

experience but

salvia’s super potent

i flew out of my

brain you know

and just went kind of can atomic and

i saw parallel universes

parallel dimensions

spiraling out of the corner of my eye

like i was just sort of floating

in this abyss

and i saw it was rotating it was making a

noise it had gravity to it

and it was almost like i

could see wedges of reality

if i couldn’t look directly at it it

would blind me

but out of my peripheral i

could see these

wedges of reality

going by and i was like what is that what is that and

something said just fucking go for it and so

i remember reaching out my hand

what it felt like my hand at the time

and it slowed the

sphere down

and then it sucked me into one of

those wedges and

i felt like i was a kid

running around in what felt like a russian stadium for

whatever reason holding a flag and there was confetti

and i was with a

bunch of other

kids like it was a halftime celebration or some shit

and i was like yeah we

it felt as real

as any other

experience i had in my life and i shotgunned

out of it and then it was rotating and i went

oh what can i do that

again and i reached down and slowed it down

and i went in and i was driving a

it was like another reality

that i could have been living

and it was just

all dimensions and you can’t tell me what

you can tell me it was drugs drugs drugs cause it

totally was to some extent

but you can’t tell me it wasn’t as real as any

other experience that i had when i came to on the couch

i just went holy shit you’re fucking

freaking me out man

did you record all these

like a good

salvia user

well yes yes i did actually

everybody was running it down

i had one in the tank

where i had

eaten some pot

and when you eat a lot of pot

especially if you eat the really

strong shed you can have some incredible visuals man

have you ever

eaten in on a

plane then closed

your eyes and see like cartoons and like

not a pot i

see things just not

too long ago on some edibles

i had a very similar

vision whatever it is hallucination

a parallel dimensions and you have

what mine with

mine they were i was in the center of what it

started out with me what it

started out with is like

with the tank

how many times you done the tank

only like three or four

i’ve never done it high

oh she’s like

what the fuck is

wrong with you

son you met some dude named

crash on the

boardwalk who was trying to tell me

about vibrating my spirit

and then he’s like yeah hop in my tank yeah he’s

crazy but he’s

right he’s right about

but don’t but grudge me smoking pot before i happen to

crash his time machine

i played too many

point and click adventure games to know that

that could end with race with me

it started out it

started out just getting to the center

relaxing letting go

and then once i let

go then it always feels like once i get to a certain

point of relaxation and i

completely calmed my mind

and then it

starts to take

me away almost like as if i feel like i’m in a river

i feel like i’m

awash in so

i’m sort of

invisible yeah

well as i was doing this

i came to a point

where i recognized

my space and then the

space of the planet and then the planet in the

space of the galaxy and the galaxy and the

space of the universe

and then the

whole universe became like this bubble

that was trapped inside some gigantic infinite

like ball of yarn

and each thread

of this ball of yarn

was like one universe

after another universe and they were all together

swirling in this moving ball of yarn

of universes connected like circles connected

even with a tube like they connected them all together

and it was all

luminescent and it was all

i was trying to take in all the information that was

going on all

these different various

worlds but it was all different and all the same

and it was all happening


and as i was trying to figure out

how big this

this ball of yarn is

it got literally too big

for me to wrap my head around then i snapped out of it

and i lost it how long were you in the tank

couple hours couple

hours yeah the deeper i get

the longer i’m in there the more i can

relax and it’s almost like you achieve

different wavelengths different mind

frequencies you know

i mean i know that you do in

meditation and extreme

meditation like they’ve taken

monks and they’ve

done studies i

am so jealous and envious of that shit

monks well just the people that can deep

meditate and get to that

place versus needing to take salvia or needing

some dmt i got

i’m not capable of shutting it all off like that but

if you do that

deep meditating like

every day yeah if i did it

every day and that was my only

existence then sure that it’s fine but

i got a mortgage

yeah dude i got a

cheat to get to

space you want to get laid

okay you wanna watch tv

fuck all that monks i need

netflix and cartoons

i’ll find the universe by smokin it

you can get it there though you can

i had a conversation with my ego on salvia that wasn’t

i found it inside the visualizer of my xbox 360 of all

places that son of a

bitch was hiding

down there i

put that on and

what happened at the time you

could use the vision cam so when you move around it

would make the visuals on the

screen go nuts

jeff minter is a genius

remember the 3

geo when it

get do you remember the 3do

at all you saw the video

the console yeah 3do

he used to come with a

trippy game

where you can control this

kaleidoscope and when i used to be a kid do i love acid

that was like the

first lava okay get to your ego well i

we took a rip and handed the bowl

to a friend was like oh shit and there it went and i

started dissolving the similar

single molecule

oh and within my

couch now my

couch is made of molecules

cool get out of that

projected forth and was like oh the xbox looks pretty

sweet right now why don’t i just fly into that

and i did and there was this

pulsating ball

after i went through all

these little wormholes and

tunnel and it was

pulsating to the beat of the

music that was happening

and i knew that i

could go further but i was like what’s

going on here and he’s like

oh i’m every

issue you have

right now you know exactly what i am

and i was like oh fuck

what’s in my xbox visualizer what’s

going on bro

he’s like you know you need to get an

order you know you need to fucking fix

your shit i was like yeah i know i know he’s like so

relax and fix it

all right we had a

whole conversation and i was like

cool can i go swim around the visuals now he’s like

party on bro like totally

gave you the

permission to go flying around

that’s one of the most amazing and


aspects of any


experience is the work that you do on your

own personality in your mind and uncovering all the

bullshit that’s fucking with you that’s why people have

not everybody

but that’s why

some of my friends have had bad trips

yeah it’s obvious

oh i reached a

point where i felt like i was

gonna die and

i felt like no you were getting deconstructed as a

human being and you

weren’t ready to come to grips with the fact that there

might be something bigger than you

that there might be something real

that you’re

about to experience and you couldn’t let that go

yeah absolutely that

was the issue

paranoia i mean

we had this conversation many times and someone

recently brought this up

on the message

board they were talking

about the people that get paranoia

the people that aren’t dealing with their life

they’ve got some shit that they don’t like

about themselves

they feel fucking creepy

and that’s the reason why they freak out

every time they get high

it’s like the marijuana does not

allow you to have secrets

marijuana turn some

lights on the corner in the attic of your

house and goes

hey what’s going on

what’s all this shit over here

what are you hiding over here was that

kid’s scatter

out through your

mouth and your eyes and


house i had my internal monologue

switched with my external monologue once on

on mushrooms and i remember like looking at

him like why the fuck are you looking at me right now

like what are you doing

is that a red

watch why the fuck are you staring at me

like that right

now and i was saying it all out loud

it was completely

switched for

about 30 minutes people

were chatting with my internal monologue and i was

everything i wanted

to externalize was swallowed inside it was like fuck

like thankfully i’m a decent enough person

to i didn’t

admit to the

bodies in the basement but

that could have been

bad do you believe

do you think that


have you ever even considered

that they’re

agents of human

evolution and that they’re here to rocket

rocket you forward

and rocket us forward and the reason why we’re not

monkeys i mean i

i believe in a mixture of all

those things but i certainly can

understand an animal taking something and

thinking about

a rock in a different way and

going that could be a

spear to kill an animal

right you know like why the fuck not

if i could see

other planets and have a chat with my xbox visuals

why couldn’t a gorilla

in a forest have realized a better way to keep warm

yeah psychedelic mushrooms have been around the current

state for thousands and thousands and

thousands of years long predating what we know of as

human civilization

we know monkeys we eat anything they’ll try shit out

you know they try anything out they’ll pee in their own

mouths in a tree it’s the

greatest video ever

it is pretty good they’ll do whatever

they want it’s almost as good as the one where he

flashlights the frog

oh my god that poor

frog i love it

he goes through

that frog he goes

through like the gorilla sutra like he

tries different positions with it it’s like i’m

gonna sit on my back

nah that’s not enough

i’m gonna teabag him for a

while like he really puts that frog

to its taste

and it’s amazing that people are sitting there

watching too

and they’re

laughing and filming

it and joking around families are there and shit

and this chimp is just

mouth fucking the shit out his front

meanwhile hide your

eyes from real sex and turn your eyes

towards all the slaughter

and murder on tv

yeah you know we talked

about this before but i’ll just

bring it out one more time before we get out of here

a video website that had

this horrific

video of a drug killing in mexico

and this guy had been

chopped up into all sorts of

pieces they showed

everything in

graphic detail

except they cut his hands off

and in one of the hands was his

dick and balls and his dick and balls they blurred it

like what got a

pixel like that we can’t let the kids know

what else a

ridiculous weird

world do you

think that do you

think i mean you hear

about the protests

going on right now in mexico do you

think that’s

about to boil over really really fast what is

going on what are the

thousands of people in the streets

about the drug cartels and the violence

on the same day that they discovered mass graves and

yeah they discovered another mass

grave yeah this is the same

place where there’s 72 people recently this is over

50 people it’s terrifying man but i mean that’s really

close to all of us it’s all happening

right now meanwhile we

gotta go to libya

yeah we gotta

go to afghanistan and keep that we’re on drugs hopping

along so that

we finance all that shit that’s the insane part

it’s all fucking

crazy kevin

it’s all crazy this has been

the uplifting podcast this is a badass podcast this

is chicken soup this is a fun

food podcast listen

man anytime

you want to come on you’re more than welcome

this fascinating awesome conversation

appreciate it

enjoy it very very much

pleasure to have you on and

thank you very much for wanting to be on it in the

first place thank

you so you can get a hold of

kevin on twitter please follow him

for he is in fact the shit

and you can get him on his twitter is k

pe r e i r a

so k pereira

in the house

ladies and gentlemen

thank you very much

thank you sir

what’s attack of the show in g4 yes when is on g4 7 p

m eastern and you can find us online g4tv com and

you fill it

monday through

thursday correct yeah we’re live

every day live

every day you

dirty hoes all right

thank you very much for

tuning in everybody

there’s still a couple tickets left for toronto

april 29th for the massey

hall theater

philly is i

believe it’s totally sold out even though we

added that second show on thursday

if it’s not

second show

thursday is all that’s left

and that is the next weekend and that’s a full death

squad bitches that’s

ari shafir and joe diaz

next weekend in philly and i’m

excited to see you bitches

thank you very much for coming in and

coming in you guys are

gonna come in

the fucking

show’s over

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shooting the shit and it’s

great stuff

and that’s it all

right i love you

freaks where’s my

flashlight oh yeah i’ll get

kevin a flashlight

and go to joe rogan

net click on the link that says

flashlight get 15

off the number one

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world and kevin’s

gonna fuck one tonight yeah

yeah all right

thank you everybody love you bye

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