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now buckle up bitches here we go
the joe rogan experience
yeah my girl’s back
got rid of that scary fake black eye
he had a guy that was doing the joe rogan
experience that voice
but it was a white guy that sounded like a black guy
you can tell it wasn’t really a black eye oh
right you know what i’m saying
there’s a white
robot that’s
sounding black too freddy
lockhart has joined us ladies and gentlemen
my man freddy freddy and i go
back to when freddy was
fucking cover booth man at the goddamn comedy
store 20 years old and dreadlocked
back in the days
freddy was trying to make it happen out here in la a
fresh faced
young boy and
we became friends and we’ve been friends ever
since that was
fun times man thought it was
now look at me now i’m an old man
freddy is one of those
you know that he’s got some
black in him
but how much how much what’s
going on here are you at
strip joe rogan
right now what are you yet
a dad’s black mom’s wife
standard issue pretty much
powerful powerful
combination genetic wise right
yeah absolutely one of the
strongest combinations of all time
i would say
so you get the body of the
black man and then you get the mind of the
white man all together in
some strange combination
that’s why the
university of arizona won the 1996 national
championship the
whole that doesn’t
by the way mean that
black people don’t have
brains it’s a different brain
don’t get me
wrong what i’m saying is clearly
black people have the superior bodies
you got to be
crazy to argue with that
greatest athletes of all time
you know to a man
except for a few
few fucking
larry birds in there a few
weird white guys that manage to figure shit out right
other than that
i mean let’s get real
you know they’re the
super athletes
we’re trekking down
jimmy the greek
territory right now he was
absolutely right he was dead
right he was dead
right he was just a douchebag yeah he
was just a douchebag and it was just like you know what
everything he said you couldn’t disagree with
right yeah here’s my problem with it it’s not a bad
thing you’re talking
about a positive attribute
why is it racist to say that
black people are the superior athletes
if you just looked at the numbers
the number of michael jordan’s and lebron
james’s and
those guys those superior
super dominant
athletes right
very rare little
white guys make up what fifteen percent of the cop
population american
population less
than that and they make up ninety percent of the nba
with the five hundred
men in the nba come on come on the
white guys are european
yeah you know it’s like
those russians
the european
see that’s another
thing europeans like from
like russians are a different fucking breed
than white people here oh yeah there’s some
hard motherfuckers and some serious athletes too
like you ever see
corellan the
wrestler that’s
seven foot tall 300 plus
pounds guy that would
hurl grown men through the air
only lost once okay
and the reason why he fought
roulon gardner
wrestled roulon gardner
and it was a new rule in greco roman
where if you lost your grip and then had to reattach it
even if there was no
dominance that guy got a point
just cause he made you
break your grip
oh wow it’s the
stupidest rule ever
and it was one that didn’t
exist through
corellans entire reign
we wanna talk
about a fucking
super athlete
i used to call him the experiment
because his parents were like five five and five seven
and he’s fucking
seven feet tall
and enormous
i mean he doesn’t even look like a real man
he looks like some shit from 300
he looks like some shit that the persians
would have with a dog collar on
you know naked with a fucking
a giant iron cod piece
running at you
you didn’t rush in blood
yeah dude on podcasts
training in the snow
giant savage
just eating reindeers and shit but that’s the anomaly
every once in a while
there is a white guy
there’s more pure europeans like that
but pound for
pound in america yeah
the black race is
superior in sports
but here’s the
misconception is that you’re saying that they’re
limited to that and that’s not the case at all
well physically you
know it’s also you got to deal with it’s an economic
issue people from
especially when you deal with
people that are into like combat
sports like the combat one
especially boxing that’s a serious economic one oh
yeah very few rich people
get it become professional boxers right the
it’s always like it
used to be the jews in new york that was like you know
slappy maxi rosen bloom and
all back in
those days like
jews were a lot of boxers were jews
and then it became italians
and puerto ricans and
irish and it
was really mostly immigrants that were poor
and then eventually you
know blacks and
black athletes
but if you look at like
greatest athletes of all time just only a few like
rocky marcianos in the mix
a few guys that were like
super dominant
that were white guys
wayne gretzky yes yeah
but given a
sport that was
dominated by
whites you know
wayne gretzky
yeah like look at
their attributes
gretzky was like very clever
and an excellent skater
but like rocky marciano was
known for being just
ridiculously
durable and just
always in incredible shape
and would get a
hold of you and eventually wear you down and blast you
so it wasn’t like a muhammad ali
where you couldn’t even fuck with him like
you were in
front of him
going what am i doing even in the ring with roy
jones jr right
you remember when vidi pasianza fought roy jones
there was a round
where he didn’t land a punch
it was the only time ever in
compabox history
where they had
scored an entire round
100 lopsided
the other guy
didn’t land a single punch
roy jones just lit him up he
was dancing in
front of him like a cobra yeah he fought from down here
he fought for back here and that jab
would come out
slap you in the face you’re trying to move your
big fat head you can’t get out of the way of it yeah
i use that guy in
fight night
super super and
over ali i use him in
fight night
he’s the man
dude he had some
ridiculous attributes but
he had one fuck up
he developed his technique technique
based and dependent upon his physical attributes
instead of going with traditional technique
like bernard hopkins
evander holyfield
guys who do
everything textbook like
james tony does
everything textbook
instead of doing that
he went with this big wide open
loose style
that almost
completely relied upon his physical attributes
so when he started to slow down he
started getting fucked up
when he fought tarver he got fucked up
and that was coming back from the weight loss
cause he fought
heavyweight and when
he got pumped up and then he came from whatever
legal or illegally
i don’t know what the fuck he was doing but he got big
he got over 200 pounds
and really muscular
and then he drops back down to 170
and you’re looking at him and you’re like
175 you’re like
okay something’s hormonally
wrong here his body looks soft
you know i’m looking at this
i’m like this is a guy who didn’t do this correctly
i bet he jacked his system
when you get on
juice you jack your fucking
system and then
if you get off it if you’re not doing it correctly
you get off of it your body
doesn’t bounce back you’re not producing testosterone
your body shut down because you made it
have all this
extra shit in your
system and your
balls are like what are we doing let’s stop working
so you have to
bring your balls back to life if
you do something like that
what you do it’s like really radical chemistry
and he clearly wasn’t doing that
right he came back and he looked
really soft
and he got tagged and blasted
it was one of
those things
when you get
blasted once man it’s so much easier to get
blasted again
cause then glenn johnson
blasted him
and then it looked really bad it
broke you’re cool and that’s the
thing too it’s not just that he goes out
unconscious yeah like
when the glenn johnson fight
it didn’t even look like that big of a punch
and he went
completely unconscious
one leg up in the air i mean he was gone
which means it’s got
brain damage yeah
i mean that’s really what it is yeah
and so then
it was all because of his
two things because his body coming back from being big
against diaz
what was that no ruiz
big against ruiz rather
john ruiz and then
it was also
those two knockouts man
if you have
knockouts man
you know and people you know
they want to poo poo it like it’s no big fucking deal
you gotta bounce back from that
thing really slowly and really correctly you
gotta know where your fucking
brain’s at cause you
might have loose
screws in there oh yeah you
could be done with
him you could seriously have serious
brain damage
these guys that they get
knocked out once and then
every time they get hit
afterwards they just go
whereas before you used to have iron chins yeah
well that’s the
thing i grown up
watching mike
tyson all the time
and watching that method of coming out
real close to the body how he would just
like a bear
it was like the
swiftness of
when you see a bear hit somebody
and their shoulders popping all that but as he got
older it was kind of like a
genre specific kind of
technique of boxing that
is a little less traditional it seemed
like you said when somebody gets
knocked out once buzzer douglas
who shouldn’t have got the best of them but did
once that that’s opened up that mess with your
psyche and to
top it off if you’re retarded like him already
do you know how
tough he was man the bad
motherfucker
the fucking bombs he took from holyfield in that
first fight before he went out
god damn he got hit with
everything dude
holyfield was teeing off on him
and he was just taking him and his legs
would buckle
when he finally went down then he’s like
searching for his
mouthpiece like holy
shit yeah dude that’s a dude who
could take a beating they say all
he took beating but this dude took beating
the buster douglas one dude that combination that he
blasted tyson with
and tyson still trying to put his
mouthpiece back in
that motherfucker was game to the end
blasted out
and he’s just
scratching around looking for his
mouthpiece yeah
to get back in his mouth
because he’s
gonna fuck you up yeah
he’s gonna get up and he’s
gonna fuck you up yeah
yeah he got
knocked out i
think one time
in a sparring
match when he was a kid like 15 16
something like that and he’s one of
those boxers that goes somewhere and cries
and then comes back and murders you
and he did that
apparently he did that to who
was one of his old guys atlas with somebody like he was
training with some
and the dude got the best of him and a
spar and tyson went somewhere cried shivered
held his knees
and then came out and just
dropped bombs and
never looked back
so terrifying a guy who needs it that much
a guy who needs it so much is everything
about him his entire
self worth entire
self esteem is
just all based on him
fucking smashing you
just running at you and destroying you as a
human body to body
just imposing his fucking physical will on you and he
still has that
thing about him that
i see him on sunset
every once in a
while and just like even if you
catch his eyes
with you here just you know it’s like hey mike
yeah it’s like that guy is just a killer bro he’s a
train killer he’s got the show now he’s got
a pigeon homing pigeons that’s what he does right
like they do in brooklyn and puerto rico yeah
they home pigeons i guess
the whole idea is you compete
against mike
to really is it home
for pigeons i
wouldn’t let him win
i would always
let him win he snaps your pigeons next you know yeah
fuck you dude i’ll let you win man
i’d let him win at
everything but i’ve said it i’ve said
it i’ll take him and mike
tyson’s punch out i’ll knock
him out first
round you mean just
punch out now just
punch yeah just
punch out now i
think he has a new game
i thought he spammed me but
apparently it wasn’t spam
i got a tweet from his account
and i was like oh my god mike
tyson just fucking spammed me and i
wrote that at twitter
and then he said it’s not spam joe
and i was like oh the real
mike i think oh
man i mean it
might be some people that work for it verified
have we said anything bad no
i mean i would
never say anything bad
i’m a huge fan
sorry me too please don’t iron mike
messiah don’t eat my ears yeah
we love you mikey
you want to go back to like ferocious boxers all
those the time when he was a
champion there was no time like that
where you like you were just waiting for this execution
it wasn’t a
fight it was an execution
you know when
sugary leonard was the baddest
motherfucker around
and like oh shit
sugary leonard they’re
gonna have a rematch with
thomas hearns you know like
it was like it was
exciting yeah but you didn’t know who was
gonna win right
you know you knew mike tyson was
gonna victimize somebody on hbo
and you were
gonna watch it you were
gonna pay 45
bucks we saw mike
tyson fight tony tubbs what the fuck did you
you think was
gonna happen
yeah what the
fuck did you
think well you know what’s
funny is my
granddad some old
school dude
loved the friday night
fights and all that and
it wasn’t with mike
tyson at it at all most
granddads weren’t he’s like
he ain’t shit you know talking
all that shit
right wait wait till
larry holmes gets a hold of him
yeah he got a hold of
larry holmes
larry holmes i
think he was
quoted as saying that
man hits harder than anything i’ve ever felt in my life
he was on a totally different
level i would have
loved to seeing him at his very best
against everybody
not saying he
would have beat nali
but man would that have been
exciting yeah you can
never say who can do what but you
never know i’m privy to him
because i was part of that
generation you know
there’s better technical boxers you know
there was better
like lennox lewis
at his best was
a better technical boxer and he was a hard guy to crack
he would have been interesting
when by the time
tyson fought him
tyson was already older
and he had already really lost most of his
motivation he just wasn’t
the same he was trying to get a pay day and he even
admitted it
after the fight
but when he was
younger man that wasn’t the case when he was younger
it was a totally different animal
that would have been it
would have been interesting to see him
at his very best like in
the larry holmes
fight that was at him at his very best he was
a destroyer michael spinks yeah
yeah i would have
loved to see that guy
against ali what
21 he was at his
i wouldn’t say the apex of his
talent it was just that at that when the custom
motto died around then
when he had one he hadn’t
slipped yet as we had it
slipped yet and then when custom
motto died and you’re pretty much in don
kings hands i
think that creates like
now you have the
you know one of the
greatest athletes that ever
lived the killing machines
right if it’s in the
wrong hands
and it’s not fostered
right it’s gonna be
used the wrong way
cause i always feel like he’s
got a great
heart you know what i mean like
he’s one of these guys
who you can
see his emotion you can see him and he was just always
jerked around by the
wrong people
you know well that’s definitely
gonna be the case
in any situation
where you got some
powerful fucking kid that can make you a lot of
money yeah you know you know you
can do whatever they want to do with you and
help you in some ways and support you and
make sure that you make money
but at the end of the day they’re just trying to
trying to push you around may
you imagine how conti
robin gibbons must have been there
when they were
married sha harvard
graduate with mike
tyson remember that fucking interview they did
where she was
throwing him
under the bus
about how crazy he is and the violent
and this is
on tv and he’s just sitting there like what we came
in barbara walters
right and he’s just sitting there
just taking the beam i can’t believe this bitch is
gonna go out like this yeah i
could snap her i’m the
man i can’t believe
this i can’t believe all the
things i’ve done to save her life
head of the
class that’s the best she had done he had
knocked niggas out left and
right and she’s
gonna go in and drag him
under the bus now please
she was beautiful she wasn’t no
that’s the problem when
you get some beautiful manipulative person usually a
crazy person a person that really wants to
pretend to be
something else and then get into your life
and then control it like there’s some sort of a fucking
parasite that’s
you know put a
wheel behind your neck
you know yeah
really that’s what she was
she’s become the little
creature in men in
black who lives in your
brain and drives
with joysticks
women want to do that to
powerful men
there’s a thing that
women want to do to a man that has some
semblance of
success some
power something
where it makes him seem
extraordinary
if she can dominate him with her pussy
that robs him of his
extraordinary ability it takes his
che all around
like a girl that wants to fuck francis ford coppola
to this day
there’s bitches that try to fuck francis ford coppola
he might be 80 years old or whatever
there’s some
crazy hot bitch out there
you know goth and she’s got a fucking
tattoo of a bat
above her pussy
she wants to fuck him
and she’s gonna fuck
him she’s got a cheese
siphoning badge
she’s ready to take his all his
creativity she
loved apocalypse now or
was that his
movie was right yeah
she went loved
apocalypse now and she wants to suck his dick
the batcave yeah so
yeah they’re
out there there’s bitches out there that will
ruin your life just like there’s dudes that will ruin
women’s lives you know
it’s not even a male female issue it’s
a retard issue
yeah it’s a broken
human issue
people it’s
annoying having children too you see this so fucking
clearly like you have a
direct input
on how this
human being develops very
very direct
you know it’s real
clear you teach some good
things and then they repeat those good
things and you see them hugging little girls and
having fun you see like
there’s all this good energy is coming out of your kids
and then you see
these fucking people that are smoking and yelling at
their kid and
their kids beating another kid with a stick
okay kids are little
savages it’s so
clear it’s like
they’re what they are is bundles of potential
yeah but you
gotta fucking raise
the raising a
human being and developing a
human being
is one of the most complex and demanding tasks
a fucking human being can
undertaken and
one of the most important because it
literally the
the the quality
of the fucking society around it is
based on how well
the people inside of this
group are at raising
their children that’s the number one
concern if you are terrible at raising your children
your children will become problems they’re gonna
break into cars they’re
gonna be pains in the
asses they’re gonna
cause crime
the less of
those the more
people that do a good job raising your kids
the better the more
people that immoral the better yeah or if you’re an
idiot at least
yield to yourself and say i’m an
idiot i’m gonna
make my kid not an idiot
how do you write
this chat you know
idiots don’t know they’re
idiots man almost
every idiot
thinks scary
thinks the world’s fucking them over
and they really
should have got a better
break you know
whenever you hear that from a person look
the world fucks everybody over
stupid yeah
every somewhere
along the line of your life
you’re gonna
think you should have got this and it didn’t happen
and this should
want your way
and it didn’t what’s what you
think of it and it’s
all that poor me shit i’m
like you know what take a look what if you looked in
japan what if you look
at you know anywhere else
where it sucked
it’s like get some perspective it’s like
guys will come to you with some stupid
stupid shit like yeah man i can’t catch a
break man i was this girl
you know and
i thought she was the one and i was
ready to get
married and i got the ring
and i came over a fucking
apartment a day
earlier and she’s fucking this guy
and i can’t fucking believe it bro
i mean i can’t
catch a break
what do you mean can’t catch a
break you just got the best
break ever you almost
married that
crazy hooker
right you were
coming over there with a ring and she’s sucking some
other guy’s cock
you got like
clear evidence that
she’s a skank
you this is a time machine bro
you’re able to go into the future see how this
would have turned out
you can nip it at the bud
right here and you
you saved yourself
attorney’s fees in a long lengthy process
yeah you caught an awesome
break you can’t catch a
break you just can’t handle your
break it’s all a matter of perspective you just want
everything to be perfect
right it’s not
gonna be perfect but
you just caught a huge
break that guy
realistically he should
shed a couple tears
and then start
laughing and go god
damn i got off life
think about what if you had kids with this
crazy you work
home with kids and their
happy meals and moms sitting on some so
some cars come
right in the living room hoping to get it done
quick before
her husband comes home but they don’t time it
right and you walk in
like that’s how
crazy that bitch is
your kids are
watching her sucking off some giant
black fucking telephone worker
and then you have to consider this you have to consider
you have to consider
why are you attracting
these kind of
chicks into your life to begin with
are you that
big of a dope that you attracted some kind of
chick like that well sometimes they
trick you just by being hot
that’s a real problem with dudes i don’t know if it’s
a warning girl
being hot it must be the same problem with
girls because girls wind up with jerky guys you know
those jerky guys must just fuck
the shit out of them no yeah that’s probably what’s
going on there
a little bit of
you know a little
bit of you know some sort of a problem in
their personality some sort of a
this weird disorder
where they can’t get someone out of
their life there’s
the people that have that
what do they call that
like they have some kind of codependency
issue yeah codependent
issues yeah
yeah i mean there’s people that have that but
other than that you
gotta think
that guy’s probably fucking
the shit out of that girl
it’s just like i don’t get people who are in
these miserable fucking relationships it’s like i love
my girl i love her
cause she’s fun to kick it with and
i like to hang out with her you know what i mean you’re
lucky if i didn’t like her
i get rid of her
i think here’s two
keys number one you like yourself yeah
that’s huge yeah and
your girl likes herself too so you’re you’re both happy
right and as
happy as you can be
reason it’s not
magical it’s not like
every day we wake up it’s like oh
honey i love you so much
we wake up it’s like don’t even talk
right right but it’s like if you can get
if two people
can live their lives and not break each
other’s balls
not create drama that kind of
thing and i know that
sounds very
nirvana and ideal
it’s possible though but it
is possible because i’m not asking for too much either
right you know what i mean
right you have
to be you have to be reasonable and you have to be even
in like what you
expect out of that
person and you know how you how you deal with them too
and i know who i can be i can
be a real dick
it’s like you know we’re guys girls says something
stupid you’re
gonna be a dick back
especially like if you’re really struggling
if you’re really
trying to put it down it’s hard man you get that
grinding mentality
where you’re always like trying to go go go get
ahead get ahead get ahead
and then when someone trips that up with
i need too much attention i need this i need that
like it’s very difficult to be
considerate
you feel like will you shut the fuck up and
leave me alone yeah i got shit
going on here and then you
start to realize that
after a few years that that
never serves you well
cause now you’ve got a six hour
fight instead of a two hour fight
and you know and you were partially to
blame i always try
to step back
i always try to fix it though i always stay in
relationships longer because i’m like you know what i
should try to work together with something like
a problem because i mean like if it was anything
like if i was sick down the line what is she just
gonna drop me because i’m sick
no you should
right so i always have that
mentality so
i’ve been in relationships where
i lasted an
extra year and a half
and it was just trying to fix
the relationship
sometimes it works i
mean people have gotten
rough patches in
their relationships and they pull themselves out of it
but but it’s like what are you accepting though
you can’t fix
that other person
you know i can’t and that’s the
thing i’m not in it to fix that
other person
it’s like i accept that and then i’ll work on the
things like
myself like i’ll act like my dad sometimes just
clam up and be like a 1950s dickhead dad you know
just reading the
papers smoking and
drinking and don’t even fucking talk to me
you know i’ll be like that then i’ll have to
snap myself out of it because i’d be like alright you
know look at
it from her side who wants to be with this asshole
it’s like knowing a little bit
about yourself
too and working on that plus we’re talking
about girls that just
learned to drive like
three years ago yeah
they still got a
brain that’s like trying to
learn how life
operates and
they’ll take it to the mat they’ll
fight you forever
what do you mean
well you’re talking
about girls
you’re dating we’re just
graduated winners
brian yeah his
girlfriend’s not 20 years old she just turned
27 last monday the fuck
brian that’s a
woman that’s my woman
but i got her when she was 22
nice yeah you got her i got her
with the man i
found her on myspace i was
trolling for whores and that one
found its way in the net what’s the edge difference
four years listen to this fucked up
story because
brian was telling
me this before the podcast so i said listen stop
you got to tell me this
during the podcast if you’re willing to talk about this
so he’s complaining
about his girlfriend
girlfriend getting harassed so listen
to this i wasn’t
complaining i was
anywhere sort of
no i was just saying how
funny is this okay that
she’s filming a
movie in ron jeremy
she’s okay your
girlfriend is a porn star
yeah but she wasn’t this is an important
she’s filming a horror movie
and but everybody
should know for sure
but she’s girl girl so that’s only girl girl yeah
so those are legit that’s legit
so anyways ron jeremy is there and
this has happened
with my ex girlfriend
where like ron jeremy who also was a pornstar
ron jeremy came up and said hey give me a kiss on the
mouth you know and she well
shocking you know this is crazy
but it’s funny the second he walks in he’s just like oh
i didn’t know there was
gonna be any beautiful
women there to hear she’s telling you all this yeah
you think she’s trying to make you jealous
no cause i am the one that asked about it
i like did ron jeremy
do any creepy shit and she goes well no well yeah i
guess he did you know
i kept on trying
to get it out of her she didn’t just come up and go hey
ron jeremy did this
you say creepy shit but that’s like
standard pornstar behavior that’s
what’s creepy
for him though you know that’s not creepy no no no
what’s creepy is
like cause i’ve seen it in my own eyes what he does
with my ex girlfriend
they were cutting a ribbon an event
like it was him and her both
cutting in a ribbon
she’s never
met him before he’s like putting up his arm around her
and like rubbing
her back and she’s like whoa ho you know what the fuck
you know just very
touchy feely
and then saying
like whispering her
ears like you
know everyone wants to see us make out so let’s do this
and she’s like no i’m not
gonna make out with you
why are you hating on his game
i’m not that’s what
you do when you run jeremy
i know but you’re in your head you’re to
think i’m hating
i’m just asking what
do any creepy shit
okay so what you were just like you weren’t
upset that he did it you
expected it
up no not upset
at all your
girlfriend your
girlfriend by the way
we should just say you know we’ve
labeled her porn star she’s very nice
person you know whatever the fuck she does for a living
brian’s girls very nice
but you know man that’s fucking
it’s like the
scorpion biting the frog bro
oh no no i’m not saying my name again
i just wanted to hear a way i would
expect him to
bring a boner
everywhere he went yeah and whip
it out too like hey you guys like boners you know
and he prides himself on not
using viagra
he doesn’t give a fuck oh
cause i don’t use it i don’t believe in it
yeah fucking animal
i can’t believe
i couldn’t imagine him not doing something every
venereal disease that’s ever
existed is fighting
against each
other to the
death inside his body
yeah yeah they’re all just
duking it out
he stays like i bet
if he takes tests he has nothing he shows completely
clean i know
because they’re all
killing each other
it looks like the battle of gettysburg herpes
versus age just
going at it there’s no
antibodies necessary because the
viruses just
fight themselves yeah
the t cells are on the sidelines laughing
yeah everyone’s going
jesus this is just an internal warfare
if someone wins then he’s got a real
issue cause then the host
will get attacked
i guess i i feel somewhat comforted to know he
would act like
that it’s almost like finding out michael jordan
i met michael jordan one time and he talked basketball
and he talked it openly and i was very
happy about that
right i got
to talk basketball
you know you got to talk puss with
with a pus smith
essentially you know it’s like in
ron jeremy and it’s like
you know sometimes you want
somebody he’s
he’s an ambassador of what he does i
think it’s fair yeah
yeah so you want
him to be an ambassador
yeah you don’t want
ron jeremy to be fucking doing yoga and
drinking wheatgrass yeah
exactly banging hoes at
every bus stop
right the that’s what he’s doing it’s goddamn
ron jeremy i actually
found it awesome
at the end of the shoot
he comes up and goes
so if you want to come to the rainbow room
later i promise not to molest you
something like that
you know how many times that got him his dick sucked
about a million
about a million yeah
there was a year ago there was
a celebrity golf tournament that i
think was bret
michaels or one of those guys
once a year
and every hole
there was like a different porn star
or stripper or something
my ex girlfriend was working
like the eighth hole or whatever this golf tournament
and there was
these two girls with them that were just total like
porn stars like
heart like amateur
strippers slash pornstars
escorts or whatever the
fuck show you whatever they did
yeah unfortunate
tattoos yeah they saw
ron jeremy and the one girl just turned
and goes oh my god i’ve got to suck his dick
and just went
right over to
ron and they just
started pouring
going down their
pants sucking his dick
right on the golf course and my
girlfriend at the time is just taking
video like look at this the city
he had sex with her on the golf course
they just blow job but yeah
last time you told me the
story you told me this
sucks i don’t remember
but i just i just thought of it
right now supplemented your stories i
don’t want to say sex if
it didn’t happen i knew
i’m pretty sure you
last time you
told me he bent her over and he was banging her
right there on the golf
course and that’s
what happened but i remember blowjob i don’t
either way that’s pretty cool
ron jeremy being
ron jeremy yeah i
think it’s sweet i
think that’s exactly what he has
to be but it’s just hilarious to me that does it seem
weird to you like what is it like dating some
chick that you know that all
these other dudes
could see her
pussy and she’s
gonna i don’t give a shit
about that dildos in there and stuff
i don’t care about that
doesn’t bother me at all
what is it has she been in a lot of
things like is it
exciting was it
exciting yeah is it
something extra thrilling
about it’s kind of cool because like i love porn
i love i love
women i love
women’s bodies if
she has a nice body it’s not like i’m like
no you guys can’t see this to me
it’s like dude
check this shit
out people really
celebrate porn and like no certain like i’ve always
i love sex big time i
guess i just have a pretty good imagination
i can get one out over something from eighth
grade that i remember
you know and porn’s always
been like fishing to me i love fishing but i’m not
that into watching it i’d rather be doing it kind of
thing right you know
but it seems now that porn has
taken on a real like
there are actually
are more than one stars like it seems like
people really make names for themselves is she in that
yeah yeah yeah that kind of
known circle
yeah she’s a
she’s an award winner it’s
becoming more
she’s an award
winner eyebrows
right she won
she’s an award winner she won the grab your
ankles award
you know the biggest differences
joe is is that if
if i didn’t meet her
like as a normal person and then she got into porn that
would have been hardcore
oh yeah you have to
see i couldn’t
deal with that like if my
girlfriend just one day just like hey i want to
start doing porn how about
right oh right yeah
so you accept
her as she is when you met
somebody who’s already opened up pandora’s box
and i want to help her look dude this is a
crazy world it doesn’t have to make sense it did
just whatever you like if you like it that’s good
if you guys are friendly together that’s
great there’s no worries
all that bullshit about
worrying what other people
think and other people’s judgments
it ain’t gonna last people this shit
is temporary temporary as fuck your everybody is slowly
gonna give out on you
and you’re gonna be left with a
wreck of a life trying to fucking look back at it
going why didn’t i
enjoy this yes
why didn’t i just have some fun that’s why
none of it matters it’s all a joke it’s all a joke
it’s all fun yeah if you choose to go in that direction
if i had a like a
sweet body like if i worked on my body hardcore
a sweet body
like like if i was rocking joe rogan’s body
right here cuz it’s sweet
if i was right
i would totally be
i would not give a shit i’d be showing my dick non stop
i bet you warn
i would be doing whatever who cares yeah
but like i don’t want to be the fucking minion
i don’t want to be like
that the minion
check out my indentment
tootie so for the
folks who don’t know what you’re talking
about there’s a website
where a guy we’ve talked
about on the
podcast for is really ugly and he fucks all
these hot chicks
he’s ugly and fat and he calls himself the minion
what’s this game
it’s just the
numbers game oh is he a porn game yeah i
guess you just pay him they’ll fuck you
you know i mean you ever seen
those amateur
ones there was a girl from arizona
state that got busted she got kicked out of
school because they
i don’t know i
guess they have some sort of a fucking morals
clause you’re not allowed to do porn at asu
yeah whatever it was i mean
maybe maybe i’m reading it wrong
maybe she got
fired from her job there
i don’t think
so though i’m pretty sure she was a student there yeah
and anyways
or maybe she lost her
what the fuck the
story is anyway
this poor girl you know she’s just dumb she got
tricked next
thing you know she’s doing porn and they
put it up on
the internet and all her fucking friends in
school like
oh my god debbie sucking this guy’s dick and
you know it
doesn’t matter
what the guy looks like they just have this set up
this is a lot of them
girl comes in
there’s cameras this is like
most a lot of people’s
favorite type of porns
what is this like voyeurism or
something well
it’s like an interview porn this is what it is
there’s a guy in the room and
you see it from his perspective you don’t see him ever
so he’s got like
the camera on the girl walks in the room and then he
starts asking her questions
where are you from how old are you
have you ever done this before no
you know you know what you’re here for yeah and then
asking a bunch of questions
where’d you grow up blah blah blah blah
blah you know you
married do you have any kids
the whole deal
you here to suck some cock yeah
and then you
know the guy pulls his dick out and the girl
starts sucking pain and you can see there’s like
this weird fucking energy in the air
because they both know that they’re doing this and it’s
gonna get online
right they’re
gonna do this
online i mean they’re not really porn stars i mean
he’s not really a porn star and she’s just some chick
who’s getting
talked into doing this i mean you know they
haven’t gone
to vivid and worked on you talk
about casting couches or yeah
those are all like
you know yeah yeah
no some of them are fake they all
they can’t film it
unless they have already
done a drug test or if they’ve already signed all
their papers like
every part of the country
in at least most
at least unites i mean that’s probably
the rules i bet that’s the rules but i’m sure
there’s people
out there gorillaing they’re pretty hardcore
about it yeah they are pretty hardcore
about it i’ve seen
those what do you mean though i mean
if a girl sucks a guy’s dick on
video they have to get a
yep it’s just to get a drug test
or or not drug test ai
states test
in the whole country in the
whole country are you positive
about that i’m pretty positive i’m not
we should research
that i know at
least okay let’s not talk about that
until we figure this out because this is a
silly conversation that
because that’s the main crux of the issue
right i mean i know a lot of them are fake but
a lot of them like this girl from asu this a
perfect example that’s fake
those are porn stars right
well they’re not
just porn stars but they’re the
whole like the
whole thing you
up the whole
thing’s been
set up right all that one but not all of them
right these gorilla ones
where you don’t even see the guy’s face
yeah there’s got to be some there’s a lot of growth
if it’s on a website that’s making
money and it’s a
legit website
then yes it’s fake
where would we find this out
uh hold on make a phone call
make a phone call
porn rules what
would you google
freddy locker
i was butthole
california std test
rules for taking loads on face on
camera film
porn uh law
no brian this is not true porn stars
could see mandatory std testing
could see they do not have them
right now what’s the date on that is not man
may eleventh
or excuse me
march twenty first
two thousand eleventh
pretty sure
about that i’m reading it
right now bro
on the la weekly
porn stars in
california will see
stricter safety rules on how they do their
thing on set
just like construction
worker has to wear a hard hat they
might have to do don
condoms and cement to tests
they’re saying they don’t have mandatory tests yet
for my understanding it’s already been mandatory
i don’t know really yeah
why they saying this in
la weekly then bro
i don’t know
these bitches
are telling you they’re getting tested and you just
no no because
i’m fucking living off
those tests i’m like let me
see oh cool i don’t have aids
again this week that
la weekly is free
they don’t have any reason to lie to me
yeah i don’t think
la is lying
oh i know that what’s
been lately is the condom laws
where they’re trying to make it so i
think they’ve already made it
sound mandatory bro here’s the deal in porn
world in la they already test
their performers regularly
that hasn’t stopped diseases including hiv
positive scandal for one gay performer last year yeah
apparently it’s not they do it they do it a lot
but it doesn’t seem to be
like a law so the girl at asu
sounds real though i
think that some of my i
think it is real
some of the followers are from asu
i think there’s
an asu mackenzie following me find out that asu well
there’s been a few guys that posted on our board
that were porn guys one of them man
did just really humiliation porn
he would like it was
really kind of depressing
he would tell the stories
about how he roped
these chicks in and how
like you know a lot of them were like single moms and
they needed
money for the rent
and how he would
hook it up and the next
thing you know they
would do be doing like internet porn forum
it’s really
crazy yeah i mean i
would imagine everybody recruiting
especially for the internet porn is
gonna be sleazy
cause you’re gonna go
after who’s weak just like a
you know a military recruiter is
gonna go after
a 17 year old
i just confuse
his stories again
the guy who was the
bringing in the
women and getting and paying for the rent and shit like
that that wasn’t a porn guy he was a guy who used to
write stories
about it he had a website about it
i completely confused it
the porn guys
that’s a different story
damn i hate when i do that
when the stories that you really
never thought
about for years
and they’re somewhere in the back your head
then you combine them together and you’re like wait a
minute you guys stop moving
yeah stay still
what are you doing wearing his
clothes you get over there
you know you fuckers you
tricked me there for a
second let’s say i get that all the time or
you just simply thought you made it up i thought i’d
made i remember in
fifth grade we buried a time
capsule in our school
and i was driving the
other day and
i was like holy shit we buried a fucking time
capsule it was 89
i was like i wonder if they
dug it up so i
emailed the
school that i went to back in 89 i was like hey
my name is freddie lockhart
yeah i said my name is freddie lockhart you
know i went to
school there in 89
i’m curious we buried a time
capsule did you guys find it she’s like
funny enough we did
you know unearth it
and it had some
water damage but
in my mind i thought we
stuck like a game boy in there i
think what i’m doing is just associating all
things 1989 we shoved in there
but in 1989 i don’t
think any kid on
earth would
spare their fucking game boy
for a capsule a time capsule
i think what it just was was like
pictures and
prices of candy bars and shit
but i was just so compelled by just that
that memory popping in my head
i got with that lady and
sounds like she’s probably been there this
whole time too she’s
like it’s always nice to hear from former students
and yes we did dig it up i was like bitch
what was the treasure in there or what it turns out
just papers and shit
no game boy
i thought for
sure i had a game boy in there it was just papers
like you know like newspapers and
things of the day
but to me it’s
like i’m more impressed like i wanted to see
since the technological revolution has gone leaps and
bounds since 1989 to now
that’s what we
should have put in there is like you know some outdated
shit so we could
laugh at it now have you ever thought
about like buying one of
those off of
like amazon or ebay or something like that just
to see what it’s like to play with it now what’s that
some old ass game boy
oh i have all
the old ass game boy that you have all that
stuff i have all the
atari i have all the
boxes i have all
those really
i have no storage why do you
think my office is so crap
i have an old intent
i was telling him earlier
there’s a show
on justin tv this guy
guy called the
angry gamer you
seen it and this guy’s fucking hilarious he says nerd i
guess he’s like in his
early thirties but he reviews old
video games it’s his
whole job he’s got this
whole basement
nintendo games as
far as the eyes can see sega genesis games you name it
he’ll review it but as an
adult an intellectual
adult who curses like a sailor
he’ll review the game
and it’ll take you
back to when you’re nine years old and you’re playing
rygar or something
like how the fuck do i jump over here
he uncovers glitches and he shows you that i was
right there was no way to do that
the whole time but i got to
watching this dude shit like nine episodes
he’s just pissed
about everything
he’s like now i’ll play it on the original game boy
this game fucking sucks
he never likes anything but he
voices your frustrations as a nine year old as an
adult that’s so weird
i think what is it the
angry gamer i
think it’s fucking hilarious
fucking hilarious so weird
reviewing old shit it’s retro
reviews though
but that’s cool shit you know
especially to
go back and really review something from an
adult perspective i thought it was
just a dumb kid i was like ah i can’t figure it out it
doesn’t work
but now i realize
i was a dumb kid
but there was a glitch as well
yeah fucking
retro gaming it’s pretty amazing i bought something the
other day on my ipad i’m like you know what
is it like an old
classic game i was like i
think this is
probably the
sixth time i’ve bought this game oh yeah
like pac man i’ve bought pac man
at least 20 times in my life and who knows how many
quarters spent
on arcade version two
yeah imagine trying to explain
video games to someone in the middle ages
yeah i know it was
where do you
start okay you know what 8 bits are
all right you know how you draw
pictures now
imagine that moving not even
trolling no you control it with a mouse
sounds like
a keyboard yeah
i imagine trying to
explain how to work an iphone to somebody 10 years ago
imagine getting
split yeah right
touchscreen yeah
there was that episode
of the show journeyman did you guys ever see that show
short lived time
traveling series on abc
journeyman i
think it was like 2007
and it was really fucking good of course i’m a time
travel nerd so i was probably the only one
watching it
but he goes back to like 1981 and he gets shot
and he has to go seek medical attention at the hospital
they find his iphone laying on his
chest and this doctors like what the fuck
like scrolling through and i love that shit
just to see
that’s what i
would time travel to go blow
people’s minds with shit yeah if you showed someone
an iphone just 20 years ago they
would really
really fucking freak out
it’s amazing how you
could touch the screen
and it knows like
where your finger
touches like for letters and shit like
that yeah it’s amazing how accurate that is but you
know how long the shits been out though go look like
the first touchscreen
phone was like
sprint or somebody put one out nineteen ninety two
and it was an all
touchscreen
color phone it
was of course it was like 2 000 bucks
like google first
would you remember
that newton
mac newton sure
i remember that
stupid pad the
first ipad my very
first development deal i came over here
this guy who was
this big executive at disney
had one and he was it was showing us all in the office
and we’re like
whoa what the fuck is that he’s like this is a newton
i didn’t know that was
released yeah it was for a couple years
wow this is like 93 94
somewhere around
then yeah they did them 92 93 94 at the end you
could email
from them too
you could fax
email do all that
that’s incredible
that was pc only
that’s so back in the day man it
really is it’s
funny when you think
about it but it’s like all that
stuff it was
they knew they
wanted to do that shit what i want to do is go blow
steve jobs his mind and show him the shit he’s
gonna invent but show him when he’s 20
yeah you know
yeah right yeah no kidding look what you’re
gonna come up with
yeah well you’d probably ruin it all
yeah you would you’d fuck up
everything in time if he knew that he was
going to be that
successful maybe he
wouldn’t work as hard
so in that journeyman what happened is he
leaves his iphone back there
and nanotechnology has now
sped up 30 years because
he left it back in the past so he gets back to his
present and
nanotechnology rules the world
there’s just nothing but like
what is this in
what is this
journeyman it’s called a journeyman it was a
one season on abc
fucking fantastic really it’s on hulu you can
catch all the episodes on hulu and we just
it got cancelled or got cancelled you know it is big
budget time
travel small
brains don’t pick up you know journeyman i never even
heard of it
yeah it was
short it was really good
it was really good it
was done in the way that you wanted it to be done time
travel like they really hit the
things i wanted
to see did they end it like they knew they
were ending it or did they just end it out of the blue
it seems like they
ended it out of the blue it’s probably one of
those things we went to christmas
break really bitches
it’s up in the air
it’s over kids
i was at target the
other day fucking just looking at cameras
cause like my little
digital camera thing
broke and so i’m trying to find like a little
small camera and
all the cameras were out of stock
because of the
japan thing
and then i read the
other day that the new iphone is now
rumored to be in september
instead of june
maybe because of the
japan thing i’m not sure
but i’m just amazed like how
much that fucking shit has affected
you know that’s nothing dude me buying a camera yeah
that’s a tiny
thing that’s a tiny
thing the real
issue is this fucking
the radiations coming out of there now man do you think
japan’s unlivable now do you think it’s
well they’ve jacked it up to chernobyl
level 7 there yeah
they didn’t
think it was
gonna get that bad
they said it’s
still not as bad as chernobyl
because it’s more contained
and chernobyl had ash fires that burned for days and
spread the shit and spread the
radioactive material
but it’s problematic man it’s a big big
issue and they don’t know how much
worse it’s going to get and
they keep getting
earthquakes there too they had another one the
other day a
strong seven
and it never gets better
right radiation you can’t
always gonna be there
right that’s
like deadly for a hundred thousand years right
it’ll be fucked up for so long
fucking asians are
gonna actually have tentacles coming out of them
the idea that we have this i mean
nuclear power is one of the all time
craziest ideas and everybody was like nuclear powers
it’s one of
these things he’s fucking
tie wearing republican cunt bags
these assholes that are always like hey
what’s the alarm
what do you
alarm is these
liberals want to
listen there’s nothing
wrong with nuclear
power nuclear powers clean
it’s safe like outside of three
three mile island in chernobyl
where’s the problems we’ve had nuclear
power for 30 years
30 years is a goddamn
blink of an eye
this it’s nothing
if human beings are
gonna exist
in the future thousands and thousands of years from now
what are we
gonna keep piling up
these fucking toxic rods
until we have one part of the glow
where you couldn’t even fly over it in a
plane or your fucking
plane will melt and everyone will die of cancer
the fuck are you gonna do
how are you gonna
store all that shit
i mean this
thing in sweden i
think it is
where they have a
tunnel that
goes deep into the
earth in this
vault they created that’ll last 100 000 years
just to keep
these fucking
things in it
geez that’s
ridiculous i mean the idea of
splitting atoms to
light homes though and harnessing it and
their man think that we can control
splitting atoms
like oh but what’s the options you look at the grid
look at like
fly over la and look at the size of that fucking grid
look at all those
goddamn lights
look at all those
houses like a circuit
board it’s insane how big it is don’t
you think it
should be mandatory solar
collector roofs or something like that it should be
something for
california 100 man
for well it’s the problem is it’s really expensive you
know people can barely afford to put gas in
their tank right now
i mean now gas is 420 for regular
i saw that yesterday i was like what the fuck is that
420 for regular i mean that’s incredible i
spent 90 bucks filling my tank the other day
dude that’s
wrong really
what do you
drive you know
these fucking
cunts that we have run in this country man there’s
a there’s a
story that matt taibi
wrote for rolling
stone about the
i put it on my twitter
earlier today because somebody
retweeted it
or somebody sent it to me and i retweeted it and it is
mind boggling and it’s all
about the wives of bankers
getting these
the rolling
stone article is called the real
housewives of wall street
and it’s about
these wives of
these fucking bankers getting these
250 million dollar loans
it’s incredible
this story will make your fucking blood boil
they tapped into the
money that was
supposed to be
for the bailout
and the bailout provided a
bunch of different loan options
and it was basically
to re stimulate the economy
fucking multi
multi multi millionaire bankers saw this opening in the
system and capitalized
on it oh my god dude it’s terrifying
and the way
these these
these bonds and
these these
things work is they they buy up
sketchy bonds
and if the bonds fail if
everything fails
they don’t have to pay the
money back but
if they profit they make
money off of it
the whole thing it’s mind boggling
it’s crazy people
it’s so scary
it’s crazy i mean
it’s not admiral it’s almost
crazy how you see
the second something
comes somebody finds a way to exploit it
i mean somebody finds some loophole in there
and shame on
obama’s entire administration ambushes all
these court not
for not putting some literature
in that document saying that you cannot you know
no no profit
should be made off
this you know from the bankers are the bankers wives
250 million well
that’s that’s one
thing but how
about there
should be no fucking the
that the bailout is the way they’ve
structured is
completely insane it’s like free money
there’s no accountability no
accountability
account account for the
money we’re
not getting receipts either when it’s not like
the united states
citizens who paid the
taxes towards this
get to review where the
money went so there’s like an account of it so you can
watch and track it
right no you can’t man they don’t know
where the fuck it’s
going the whole
thing is complete utter
chaos and it’s
completely out of line
these people are getting
giant bonuses man
they’re their banks failed and they got bonuses
they get the rich get richer and the
money comes directly from the taxpayer there is no
money the bank has failed they don’t have any
money so they get an infusion of
money from the
federal government and then they have to pay
these guys money these guys
millions and millions of dollars and it’s amazing that
obama gets away with this
that all of them get away with this
you are supposed
to be the fucking president you asshole
you’re supposed to be protecting people from this shit
this is not supposed to have ever happened
and when this does happen
you’re the one who’s supposed to be us
the one is supposed to step it
and say what
the fuck man you’re
obama you’re 46 years old man
you’re only a few years
older than me yeah you’re a few
years older than me you’re you’re my friend
right and you’re in there with
these fucking cunts you’re not saying shit
yeah you letting these guys
steal money
you’re letting them
steal billions
across the economy
and continue to do business as
usual and the banks get bigger and bigger
because they fucking buy up
these other failing banks
and then they become even more
untouchable and american cities with dk like detroit
and what they helps you get in
power so that’s what’s up like
where is his name
are you gonna
when you get out are you
gonna tell us what’s up
what happens then is he
gonna get maybe he loses this year newt gingrich wins
and he tells us exactly how the fucking
world works yeah
you know is that
gonna happen
please well i’m sure he got in and just like any
other aspiring
man of anybody running for president i don’t really
think it’s been
since kennedy
or someone like that who’s really in it for
you know political reasons and even
kennedy was
grooming for it
you know he was
groomed for he was of the pedigree
but the thing is like
now it’s a corporate it’s a ceo
job you’re not
you’re the top of the company now you’re not like you
said a man of the people for the people by the people
and he might have gone into that
thing thinking he could be
but once you
sit down they sit you in that room look boy you’re the
puppet do you
think that’s true though
or do you think it’s just all bullshit i don’t
think he has any
power and i don’t
think it’s any
worse than it’s ever been ever
i think i think everybody
it gets up in arms it’s like look at nixon look at all
those guys everybody was
how could you not be president and
start to develop some
grandiose ideas yeah but dude you gotta
financially
it’s never been this way
it’s never been
with the deregulation that was passed during the
reagan administration and continued all through clinton
and bush and all this
that has allowed
these financial institutions to
get into a position that we’re supposed to be protected
from after the
great depression
after the great
depression they put all sorts of laws in place
so that banks couldn’t get
risky with your
money and do
crazy shit and then wind up losing
everything right
which they did to us they got rid of all that shit they
get rid of all that shit and then unchecked growth and
spending came because of that and
these guys these
motherfuckers
took all kinds of
crazy chances with people’s money
and then it all fell
apart and then banks collapsed and people lost
their life savings what’s happening too like
you look now the cell
phone companies are narrowing down to two there’s
virtually two banks anymore that’s not that bad though
no one’s getting ripped off
this financial institution
thing what happened with the market
is a goddamn
heist it’s a
giant heist
people made millions of dollars in
front of everyone’s face
after the banks failed and
obama didn’t do a damn
thing it’s a heist
and it went on
he knows it
it went on in
the 80s too the lincoln savings and loan scandal
but not like this this is the
biggest one by far ever that’s ever been perpetrated by
these people
the whole thing is
fraudulent the whole
thing is a scam
from the very beginning
they knew everything was
illegitimate they knew what they were doing was
wrong they were trying to offering clients
like stocks that they knew that they were betting
against they were betting
against these
stocks yet they were offering up to
their clients
the whole thing is sickening man it’s sickening and
obama ain’t doing shit
he’s not saying
anything he’s not doing anything he’s not
freaking out yeah
it’s sickening i don’t
think he can’t i don’t
think he will
i mean he doesn’t want to lose his job he’s
gonna and all
those people
you know they help you get
elected i know but being to do what
what are you
gonna do you are you hold are you holding
the barbarians back at the gate i mean
is there so many
spears and swords coming through that
gate you’re just barely keeping us
alive i don’t
think he’s doing that i
think you are
here’s the idea
of being president to get your presidential library
built whether you
serve for eight years
and to sell your book and to get your deal
you know and to say that you did that in politics
because i bet
you george w bush is having a dandy old life now
and a good old time hey
brian people get real distracted when you start
wandering off when we’re having conversations
i’m actually
just trying to fix the lag that everyone’s talking
about right now i can’t fix lag
ustream is just being itself
it’s just not that
spectacular
yeah i did catch
the charlie sheen
ustream but
it wasn’t the
first one was
ridiculously bad
we had like all
those cronies
you realize wow this is why that guy’s simon
rex i hadn’t
heard that name
since 1996 who is it one of the
dudes who was hanging out with charlie sheen in that
first u stream set
the guy from duran duran he
was not he was a
tvvj and there
was some scandal happen i can’t remember what something
put the kibosh on his fledgling career really
yeah something
come on porn man i
think it involved porn
or something
porn man porn man
porn man sure you like the
naked nickelodeon
simon rex i don’t remember him
so he was one of the ones that
was there so he was one of the hangers on and then you
could tell like the
other dude looked like some out of work jazz
musician it’s like you can tell like
now dude was geeking
off of drugs and i don’t know he was on him but i
think he was geeking off of him
and his judgment was
super suspect that
not already so
i think he was also
swimming in all the love that he was getting from all
these people winning was all over
he had over a million followers almost instantly
and i think he’s like i’m the fucking shit
people i told you
these fucking
trolls they’re
gonna they’re
gonna wish they didn’t get rid of me you know
i’ll you know i’m
gonna have a
the public will
demand that i come back yeah
but man you’re
going out there on some fucking thin branches son
it’s very hard for a guy like him
to take that howard beal
kind of zeal
that he was taking because at the end of the day is
you know howard bill had a lot to say whereas
charlie sheen has a lot of bumper
stickers a lot of
catchphrases and that’s fine
but as you’re seeing as you go out there this thing’s
petering on
fumes now and you’re
starting to realize out baldwin did an
op ed piece i
think like in the huffpost or something a
direct letter to him
being like quit being a douchebag
alex baldwin yeah
and he’s like here’s the
thing you’re going
against douchebags and you’re acting like one you’re
gonna lose don’t
fight the network just apologize go back
and i was like well
apparently alec baldwin
said he acted like charlie sheen during the
hunt for red
october it was supposed to be a
whole bunch of
movies for him
and he didn’t get him because
he was getting all like that too like bigger than the
production oh really
you know at the end of the day
if this thing turned out to be a hoax
i would say charlie sheen’s fucking brilliant
but he’s not brilliant enough to pull off this hoax
this is you know
this is for real and this is sad and it’s a guy who
i haven’t been sad once
watching him i’ve been
enjoying the shit out of it i can’t i can’t
watch those fucking
videos where they show you how they kill pigs you know
how they you know i can’t
watch those i’ve
ignored the
whole entire
thing i have not
watched you
know i’ve watched a couple
seconds when we talked
about it well that and
that one podcast babe i see i’m very into it i’m not
against when
something happens
like a lot of people there’s there’s people something
like that will happen and then there’s the the
whole sec that people like but you know
screw truly sheen don’t don’t watch him
like yeah i’m
gonna watch him just play with it it’s fun
it’s interesting this man’s falling down i like it
i think it’s fun
i think it’s a lot i don’t
think it’s good it’s
definitely not i mean i
wouldn’t go
maybe i would go to the live show for like 10 minutes i
would if they put it online i
would watch it
you know i’d
watch a video of it
if it was somebody else
how strange it was if it was somebody else
maybe i just
never got into
shame like wow i like hot shots i don’t that’s
about it i just wondered
wall street yeah
gordon gekko
that was a long cartoon
1987 and 86
tune best picture went 87
nominated best
picture wall
street 87 the guy had a legit
little run there for a
while do you remember that
movie was it invasion
or something like that
alien invasion what the fuck
six ish yeah
yeah with that
black kid in head yeah
watch it on a
airplane from new york
solid fucking sci fi
flick i was turned onto that by dave foley
we were doing news
radio together
and he came back from the weekend with a big
smile on his face he goes
i saw a really good sci fi movie
they tell me is this without that
movie is good
yeah was it
called was it
alien invasion
i don’t remember what you’re
talking invasion
that people
i think it’s nineteen ninety six it was about
black kid and him that narrows
down but i watch it on a plane
and i think i
watched it on a
plane from west virginia to phoenix arizona hmm
i saw tron the
other day finally 3d
watched most of
it and watched
you know the cgi
was completely horrible for that dude
there’s been
way better movies with better cgi oh i
think i saw your
tweet when you’re
about to get into it some wine some weed and
tron yeah yeah i didn’t see the afters
simon rex in 1993 at
age 19 appeared solo
in scenes for
three masturbation porn films
arrival oh that’s
where and it came
to surface after he
started to get a name for himself yeah
yeah mm hmm
but the cgi
what’s the name
that’s dirt nasty
simon rex is dirt nasty
they’re the same guy
no no why is there a
photo the photo on wiki is so wonky wiki’s so
crazy man see
that’s that dirt nasty dude
it is dirt nasty dude that’s his website dirt
nasty means dirt nasty is simon rex could be
here man i’m sure somebody out there
nasty was like a rapper or
something i thought he is a rapper i
think it’s the same guy yeah i think it is because
simon wax is kind of like like a wigger type you know
makes sense
so yeah the cgi
was a jeff goldblum
that’s in the
movie where they
have like a younger version of him ah jeff goldblum
yeah is that his name yeah
that was so
awful though oh wait
no no bridges
nasty is a moniker employed by
simon rex wow yeah
dirt nasty is
simon rex that’s
crazy don’t know either of them
i’ve saw he
as dirt nasty has one song
that’s pretty fucking funny on youtube
he’s got some good songs man
he was a vj right on mtv yeah i
guess i don’t know him from that i only know him
from dirt recently
from dirt nasty from some of his songs that
some people on my message board
threw up some of the clips on youtube
they’re fucking funny man you know what the matter of
fact is that comedy
yeah it’s like comedy
comedy rap that makes
sense because i think he did refer to him as dirt
nasty in that first early
stream stream they’re fucking pretty good man
it’s funny stuff man
i enjoyed it
like the raps are pretty cool it’s like funny it’s
just rapping about partying
but this charlie sheen thing
we saw our boy kurt fox
do the charlie sheen thing
he did do the charlie sheen thing
he was the guy who but we know the guy
who went up
in detroit and bombed and everybody was booing
we know that guy
that’s a tough go
how many people do you
think were there and i didn’t
feel bad for him
that’s part of life bro you
wanna go out and do that
that’s what you get
things happen i
guess that’s what you’re asking for say love e
you know you’re asking to be a part of the circus
okay someone’s
gotta be the
monkey stupid
i saw an article that says that dennis
quaid wants to open for charlie xing
what hi dennis
quaid but not
charlie what’s dennis
quaid and do what
just be crazy i
guess justin
played the actor
randy quaid
sorry sorry dennis quaid god
sorry dennis
1980 put up pull up
1980 dirt nasty
yeah pull it up on
on youtube i hate that randy
quaid guy yeah he’s
legitimately fucked up but i like him
and national anthems christmas vacations cousin
eddie that’s brilliant
you serious clark
1980 dirt yeah yeah
it’s it’s good man you’re gonna like this
is this a rap video yeah yeah it’s a rap video and it’s
uh tell me when you’re gonna play it because i want to
play in sync ready
these are the chosen few
these are the selected youth
these are the ones that shine upon line meridian
with the fourth level of gondor bye
he’s in a studio
right now for the folks and he’s like rap in this
intertwined my mind upon thy nine caliber
russian roulette stamina tylenol
the fast track of the anomaly that preposterous my
words are meta
firms towards the
shut the fuck up man
what’s wrong with you
nothing man
you know i’ve been doing good quit smoking weed
you know i’ve been doing some yoga
little pilates just
getting more in tune with myself you know getting in
touch with mind
spirit and body
sound like a little bitch
take a hit of this and kick that old dirt
nasty shit about getting your dick sucked
that sounds like faze on love party friends
i got a gold chain
i’m on cocaine
i’m like yo
man he looks like the girl that guy that was married to
jessica simpson nick oh yeah nicoche
yeah this is i like this song man it’s silly i like it
drink box strike three drink i’m in the same box right
i think this is funny man
bring the pain and pop champagne
i got a gold chain i’m on cocaine
i think i’ve heard that before
i like it man i think it’s funny it’s funny
i thought it was good
very both barry silvel esque bc yeah reminds me of john
les joy yeah lesual
i think john’s doing that
yeah john’s hilarious yeah john’s got some
great shit i mean this is i mean i don’t know how many
other songs he’s got but yeah this was his
this is his
debut that’s
funny i didn’t even know he was doing that yeah
i guess i need to
start watching this charlie shane show
well this guy
i don’t know what he does with him i don’t know if
he raps what does he do does he do that i don’t know if
he goes on the road with him i just remember he was on
the verge of
the song the song’s hilarious that
would you know and have the
video playing in the
background and that
would keep the
crowd from yeah
maybe they could
close with it yeah i don’t know
it’s just i don’t know he was in new york
this week this weekend right i
heard he did charlie sheen yeah he was in new york
the charlie sheen report yeah
we’re following him like
he’s fucking bigfoot
it’s working seen in new york
and it’s working
his whole mission
yeah sort of
i mean he’s doing something city to
city it seems to be getting different reviews but this
isn’t new this
is now a lot of celebrities are doing this
thing going on on tour and not being comedians
who else who else is doing that
or have little
experience in comedy steve oh
he’s selling out
he’s doing a
stand up though
right he’s created that but the
thing is i like him
and i’m friends
with him and that guy is actually taking the time
to he really likes comedy and wants to
do it whereas
he’s just been
given a lot
early on because he’s already
famous you know
he’s headlining clubs
but i think he’s finding that’s hard
the way to fill it yeah that’s real hard to get thrown
that’s how charlie murphy did it
charlie murphy was
famous and then he was headlining yeah you hit the boom
you hit it hard because you’re realizing being
famous doesn’t supplement
no experience dude
being an open micer in
front of a giant
group of people that was paid to see you holy
shit that’s too much to
say yeah fuck yeah it is
but you know it’s charlie’s fault for
just diving in there
and wanting to be a headliner
i saw that clip of him
walking off the
stage tearing up the
check walking up well
fuck y’all walking away
i see things like that
and i’m like you know i see like some just you know the
thing like with
kirk and all that but then i see guys
like bill burr who take an audience and turn it around
well that’s
skill veteran
yeah and i can’t say anybody like
should be that good but the
thing is it’s like a real
skill would be
to now get them back on your side you know
yeah man yeah i know what you’re talking
about i mean
it’s it’s the hardest
thing in the
world and you’re
gonna go to detroit
where it’s already
tough times there and they took your
money that’s why then you got
no show for them yeah you’re just kind of like taking
their they’re not
gonna take that shit
and he’s like this is
experiment you know like i
understand it’s an
experiment but when you’re fucking selling out giants
auditoriums like that
like you you
gotta really you
gotta fuck her saying
so where does he go with this though
i don’t think he can keep doing it i
think eventually people are
gonna like wear thin of it and he’s
gonna wear thin of it too like he wanted to be
loved and all
sudden half the
places where he’s
going he’s getting booed
and people are shitting on him and
he’s got the
world’s attention and nothing to say
yeah and this is
not i mean even if he does have something to say like
he did this one
weird video
where he talked into the camera and
all this shit that he
wrote it was like really like produced
and written and that
speech kind of gave losing duh
moving on you know he was talking like
like hunter
s thompson yeah
you know exactly
here exactly and he was like it
was he was doing like
yeah i mean he even said
he was like
he held up his fucking
is you know the
ticket for this
thing was talking
about the ticket he was doing like a
marshall for it
buy the ticket
take the ride
and like use the hunter
s thompson line yeah
the whole idea
behind it is very strange this guy who’s this
huge huge multi
millionaire
super celebrity
and we are fascinated with him losing his job
and he’s trying
to like campaign to get his job back and we’re
paying money to see him talk right
i heard it best describe a lady said i read an
article it said
we’re so fascinated
with charlie sheen because a guy how can a guy
who has so much more than us have so much less than us
and that’s a
great way of putting the best summation of that guy he
does it’s like you know he’s loaded but he’s not he’s
got no marbles you know i’ll keep my marbles
that dude’s gone
and not good gone
marketable gone like i said
now you’re trying to go the folk hero
route you’re trying to go the conan o’brien
route but conan o’brien’s beloved
because he put that
much work into being beloved you know what i mean yeah
but when he here’s a perfect example
when he did his show
right he would go on the road he had of he had a
fucking show
and he’s an
entertainer and the
thing is it’s like now
he’s big enough he can go straight
to the people and say you know what fuck the network
people love me sure but i’ve been doing this since 93
every single fucking night
right you know charlie sheen just
started this it’s like you know
good luck with that i
think he fizzles out
if what’s his
name wanted to if conan o’brien wanted to he could do
arenas all over the country
and he would do like he
would be in detroit one
night and do a show
with no television whatsoever
yeah and higher
comics and higher
you know have
people come on have
musicians play
and do the conan o’brien
show like i say a 90
minute show and he
could do it all over the country and make fucking
ridiculous amounts and talk
about a guy who had real grievances with the network
you know what i mean and
never really aired them in a distasteful way
yeah while that
whole thing is so hard to fucking really figure out
because jay
leno they kept wanting to get rid of jay
leno and jay
leno was number one
yeah why would they want to get rid of them the
whole thing
was really ass handed
the way they did it was so dumb
and really conan o’brien
was better in the
later night i thought so too but they
should have
done i mean everybody wants the tonight show
but i’ll tell you what the conan o’brien
show was his fucking show man
it was his show it was his
there was a
whole culture behind it and the
thing is that’s like the tonight
show you almost need to be a lot more
generic like jay
leno to appeal to the masses
but there was
this is our
thing when you
watch conan late night
when i see someone wanting to leave
their job and go to another job you know that’s an
early i mean i get the fact that more people are
gonna be watching
earlier i get that but
what it says
to me is that guy didn’t get enough respect
he didn’t get enough appreciation from the network
they weren’t
behind him enough
in his eyes
he didn’t feel equal
you know he wanted that
other job that
other jobs the big job
i want the big job right what
about that big job
you know what you mean you’re fucking conan o’brien
man what difference does it make
if your show’s on a ten or if it’s on an eleven yeah
conan o’brien especially
tebow days yeah even
watches tv live exactly
i mean yeah you’re not some people are
gonna miss it because they’re
gonna go to bed
early so fucking what
plenty of people are
gonna watch it
right yeah just just be you just spew at 11
apparently over at
tbs they’re
like if he gets ratings like this he’ll stay on forever
life and at
tbs you get two million ratings
or two million viewers you’re fucking hit
but i went from being a big
conan fan to
having i’ve
watched it once on tvs i
haven’t watched it i didn’t
watch it when he did the tonight show i
haven’t watched
since he left new york
yeah not that i’m
against them it’s just that routine is gone yeah is it
better now is it worse
i don’t think so
i think the reason why i don’t
watch is because the late
night shows what i liked i liked that extra
masturbating bear
the writers were all
funny on that show
they’d come out and do sketch it
doesn’t have
the same writers
i don’t see
those two guys he used to use
these two guys
all the time the preparation h raymond guy
who would come out hand out
for braces still around is he
yeah he kind of looks like ryan o’neal the comedian
and then there was another one with the
curly like simon and garfunkel fro
yeah i think they’re both
still around
those guys were
like almost funnier than conan to me but there was that
whole new york vibe that it’s
it just is missing to me but i don’t know
you think the
vibe is different because it’s in los angeles it
might be but the
thing is i can’t
speak intelligently
about it cause i don’t watch it
i watched conan
from 93 to 2003
mostly cause at
first i was a
teenager and then i
lived in hollywood i didn’t have
cable at the time
it was something to fall asleep to
there’s definitely
a different
funny vibe on the east
coast than there is on the west
coast i find even my sets are different on the east
coast and there on the west
coast i find i have to explain less on the east
coast and i can go off into more obscure
references and not in the way like
super obscure but in the way that
everybody’s following
along and i don’t have to make sure somebody needs to
catch up you know yeah
i think i mean there’s intelligent people
everywhere but there’s more of them in the east
coast sure i mean that’s
where all our
finest institutions are you know it’s no accident
that all our best colleges are on the east
coast our finest institutions
ah yes harvard
so you should have a
cigar in your hand when you say that yeah i did
sound like a real ass
woman ascot as well all of our finest institutions
i’ve been really addicted to camel too lately i think
when the conan left i
started watching camel
and now i’m like
i don’t know once you go camel you
can’t really go yeah this is a fun show he’s got a fun
zoo of a show too yeah i did that show and i was the
second comedian on there and i
oh right i had
heard like nightmare stories when they first
started how hard it was like the
stage was cat
according to
the audience it was new nobody knew who he was
they’re like you’re
gonna go out there and you’re
gonna die kid bobcat goldberg was the director
at the time and i was like oh man oh this is
scary and i went out
and it went really good
and he’s like man you’re the best
comic we’ve had on i’m like how many you
had on he’s like one
i was like ah well
who was the
other comic yeah
and i don’t even remember who the
other comic was but i don’t
think it was anybody
because i wasn’t
anybody so that’s who they were picking out at the time
i think dave rast saw me at the improv
on a wednesday
night doing the open mic i was
twenty three he’s like hey we you wanna you
wanna do the
jimmy kimmel show tonight i’m like i
guess sure what’s that
wow and then shit
and he got me
on so wherever dave wrath is i forever owe him my first
tv break yes
david dave wrath’s good man he’s a very good guy
very good guy he’s one of
those guys that’s been around forever
the comedy business is such a
weird fucking business isn’t it and we were talking
about sleazy
agents and managers and
you know we’re talking
about what it’s like to have one that sucks and
it’s weird you know it’s a
weird thing to
it’s like in
this business it’s like you can have all this
drive but you have to it’s
almost like being in a band you need somebody else to
champion that
drive as well
like i love
music but i
never wanted to be in a band because
i don’t want to have to rely on the lazy bass player
or the coked
head drummer
you know it’s like i want this
thing to happen and
you know when you
got a team working for you like that and they’re not on
board you’re like son of a
bitch yeah that’s a reoccurring theme
with comics you
gotta make sure
you got a manager that knows what the fuck is going on
and if you get a bad one you get some
idiot you get attached to one i have a
bunch of friends
that started out with one manager
and then somewhere
along the line
you know this
manager when some critical decision was to be made this
manager fucked up and they got rid of them and they
moved on and got some bigger manager
and then they got sued and a
bunch of stupid
shit happened you
start off with one guy and that guy turns out to suck
you’re attached to that fucking idiot
right and he feels like he deserves
a percentage of your profits then it becomes like a
marriage and a
sword then you have to
break up with this person exactly
just such a nightmare like i had been
my manager six years and i had to
break up and she was very
receptive and
understanding about it
you know and that made me
think in my mind like oh man this
didn’t go as bad as i thought it would
and then you
start thinking i
should have done it sooner
and all that but it’s just like
you know whatever happens happens but you can’t stay
with somebody who
doesn’t have your best interest
in your heart you know
is that usually
because they have a better client now yeah
they have a
better client
bigger fish
to fry you know i get it in this town that’s the
truth my agent
represents like
jamie foxx and all
these people if
they turn it down
then maybe i’ll get an audition
they want to make sure that you’re a real
money maker before they put any interest
and time into you and you got to go out and
it’s almost like they have you in the
stable and then you got to go out and make
your own shit happen yeah call us and we’ll take the 10
when you booked up
yeah and then they go okay now let’s make you bigger
that’s like getting christmas presents from shoes
i mean the best
thing they can do is just get you in
front of someone
where you can perform yeah
especially if you’re out there trying to do the acting
thing man what a
crazy job that is
gonna go in some fucking room and pretend
that this guy that you’re sitting there with a
piece of paper in his hand
pretend that this is your brother
and you guys are
back at home and
dad just got back from the war and he’s a little shell
shocked really
you gonna do this
right here you
gonna do this in this office
had an acting
teacher like that who always wanted to
he’s one of these
super strange
it was the mizner
technique you know the real like
method kind of
stuff and his
whole goal was to make you cry
and then he
would be like what happened if your
mother got killed in a car accident oh jesus
christ that’s some
awful shit to say dude like i’m not
gonna cry i’m getting pissed at you actually for
thinking that you need fucked up people for actors
if you’re gonna
have actors you want to have really good ones
those people
better be fucked up most of them there’s a few of them
that aren’t fucked up that are really good actors but
mostly few and far between
most of them are a mess
daniel day lewis is a lunatic he’s
gotta be crazy he’s so good
he’s so good he’s
gotta be completely
out of my farm
somewhere in scotland or something man
think about how good that
motherfucker is
remember that
movie where you played a boxer the
motherfucker became a boxer for like a year
trained every day like a boxer
you watch that
movie that is the best portrayal
of a boxer in a
movie where he looks
he looks like a real boxer
not some bullshit
like sylvester
stallone movie
where it looks like he
never threw
a punch at a man in a competition in his life
for you to worry
about being
countered daniel day
lewis is hands up move in
throwing faints he looks
like a real goddamn boxer broken nose and all that
genius is a
genius actor
he just comes out
he comes out in the public like
every four years
grabs an oscar and goes back home
nuts the guy’s
completely out of his mind
but he’s amazing he
is you know
the fucking gangs of new york remember that
jesus christ
what was it bob
build a butcher
build a butcher or something and then and there will be
blood he was
absolutely loony
to get the fuck out of here who can do that oh
who can do that like him
nobody and apparently he stays that way in his
trailer you know
yeah there’s a few guys
there’s a few of
those guys russell
crowe is fat as fuck now i
haven’t seen him in lately oh my goodness here’s a
picture of him
he went on a bike
ride and he stopped and he’s got his bike outfit on his
stupid little helmet
and he’s smoking a cigarette
he is fat as fuck that’s
funny like he’s
just gigantic fat it’s been a couple of years
since he has
had a picture else since
fat when he did
robin hood man he had a cut weight to make
robin hood too
you can’t have
robin hood as a fat guy but he’s one of
those can’t hard
drinking hard smoking actor dudes
yeah he’s a wild man yeah
it’s crazy fucker that’s why he’s so good
i watched a beautiful mind on the way to australia
out of respect because i was
going to australia anyway
and it was on the
plane it was one of
those options
forgot how fucking good that
movie was was that
2000 best picture
2001 i think best picture
i don’t know but it was fucking good yeah
cause gladiator won
2000 and then that one won 2001 he was
cleaning up at that time you know i
watched the
other day that i forgot how fucking good it was
contact oh yeah
i watched that recently on netflix
dude i put it on twitter and all
these people going
hello you contact
sucks contact’s awesome you’re gay
you are gay yeah you’re gay you are you’re gay
the letter u the letter r gay
hello you’re gay contact sucks
no it’s context
great i watched that recently
i love that
you know what you know it’s a horrible
movie but almost
in that same idea it’s
again with dennis
quaid hi guys
and he’s got the cb
radio and he’s talking to the past
oh you know what you’re talking about yeah
jim caviezel
yes son yeah
this is like
one word like what happened to that guy played fucking
jesus christ
and he’s gone and then he’s gone
that doesn’t even make
sense i mean that guy
should have been gigantor
that movie was a huge
movie it was huge but it was one of
those movies i
think where the
movie was huger than who was in it
and here’s another issue
the movie was very anti semitic
very anti semitic i mean
that was argued
whether or not that was historically accurate or
i don’t know
whatever the fuck it is you don’t know you
weren’t there
and the way it’s
depicted it’s depicted to me like the jews were like a
huge problem
which is i don’t know if it’s
me look the
whole thing i
think is fiction
in the first
place i don’t
it just seems to me that the
whole story so
convoluted and
even if there was a man named
jesus who knows what the fuck really went down i just
don’t get why people will buy that and then not buy
other things it’s like
no world’s not
getting warmer no way no no global warming here
but there’s a
story of this guy who came back from the dead it’s like
where are you
where are your
priorities yeah
you know but
jim cavizo playing him was really strange because you
know he got really obsessed with it because he was 33
at the time and
jesus was 33 and
his name was jc yeah
and you know i mean how
funny is it this movie
this incredibly religious
movie that made incredible amounts of money
was made by a
psychopath yeah
an absolute
now that you look at it
in the past and you look at who he is now and you hear
those tapes
he’s you should just shut up
and blow me
just insane
red eyed spider
bit flying out of his fucking
mouth i mean
he’s off the deep end
crazy and he made the most
successful religious
movie of all time
privately funded it himself
and then had to turn that profit too yeah
and built some
incredible amounts of
money because of it
you know you
never saw passion the christ
never saw any
of this i did
actually have a bit
about it that it was a two hour
movie about a dude with
magic who got his ass kicked
and i go that is the last
movie with subtitles i’ll ever see without kung
fu in it yeah
wasn’t that
an aramaic or something like i remember that one yeah
people were coming out of theaters all
moved and crying
yeah i don’t know what the language was it
might have been
aramaic i think that’s what they
spoke at the time
that’s what they
spoke and then
they offered up to subtitles but felon was
subtitles yeah
i’m like you it’s either kung
fu or some swedish
weird film where people are
gonna get killed yeah or some japanese horror
movie yeah ringgu
you know i’ll
watch ringgu
pandora’s labyrinth
people want to believe man they want to believe
and they don’t want you to take it away from them
netflix has just offered up
for instance
stream my favorite tv show of all time
the twilight zone
oh yeah 1959 and 196 they just
added a bunch of shit
and i thought
about you because the very
first episode is an episode called
where is everybody
where the man is
undergoing a sensory deprivation
experiment and losing his fucking mind
doing it is
revealed at the end obviously that it’s a military
experiment but
that’s uh that show
spoiler alert
yeah huge but
it aired in 59 i
gotta pee i’ll be
right back yes i have something on the subject okay
cool yeah it aired in 59 so i figured what the hell
yeah there’s certain shows like that that i love
watching one is that
another thing it’s just like old like
lauren hardy’s
like that i love fucking netflix
yeah netflix
i’m addicted to it netflix has made me this
document documentary
watching asshole like
i’m and i don’t
watch one on like
belly button lint
like did you see that yeah
belly button
have you noticed though like
the other day i just realized that for
cable tv i forget how much i
spend per month for
cable tv but i
would think 95
of the content that i
watch is family guy
like i’ll lay in bed
turn on cartoon network oh family guy
watch it for
three hours go to bed
right but it’s like amazing like how much
i wish that we
could get to a
point of cable tv
where we can
alucard yeah
alucard you know
they say they’ll
never do that though
because it’s like
but cable is offering now like i saw
at my mom’s i had like on demand like you can get hbo
premium like one
thing that aired on hbo
but i don’t turn my tv on hardly ever
yeah i mean hardly ever i watch
everything on my computer and my phone
you know what i mean
and i get the updates who’s got the new documentaries
coming on netflix and all that
stuff and i’ll
watch the most
boring of crap too i don’t care
source code is a pretty fucking good
movie man source code
is the movie
of jake glillenhaal
the new movie
pretty fucking good
movie man it’s
about a guy i don’t
wanna tell you the
whole story
cause i don’t
wanna give it away
but it’s really interesting
and it involves time
travel oh yeah
it’s pretty dope moving
really well
he’s revisiting his time traveling
donnie darko
it was also a time
traveling yeah
yeah no shit yeah true
yeah true yeah that’s a very
well regarded one too yeah it’s a good one yeah
this is very interesting
i don’t know if it’s as good as donnie
darko but i don’t remember because i
haven’t seen donnie darko in a long time
you know movies like they become mythical
like donnie darko
is one of those
movies momento was one of
those movies
memento was badass
badass guy but
there’s some
movies they
seem a lot better because they were a long time ago
and you go back and
watch them you go
yeah that wasn’t that good
or i was just
young and dumb
i remember donnie
darko being
weird it was
weird but it does have
it does hold up have you ever seen primer
that’s the best time
travel movie ever a
great movie yeah
that one is that you got to
watch that one
a few times
really independent
movie very small
budget considered
like one of the best i mean you
know you talk back to the future that’s you know for
layman’s purposes that works great yeah
they they laid the rules for
but primer is one of those
where they really adhere to the rules and the time
the fabric of time and
how you can’t do this and you can
get sick and all that
the things nuances
about actual time
traveling that people have
taken to study
here’s what
would happen to your body if you did that time
travel is the most fascinating subject of all to me i
don’t think of it i mean i
think eventually it’s
going to be breached
it has to be
that’s the end of time
human beings are
gonna figure out everything
we figured out so much so far and we were not
gonna stop and as long as we stay
alive they just
found some they just
found out that the caldera volcano
under yellowstone is way bigger than
previously thought oh really
fucking giant
super volcano that kills everybody
just found it’s even bigger
anyway it’s if something like that
doesn’t happen
people are gonna continue to
innovate they’re
gonna continue to make a faster
phone a faster computer
a car that doesn’t need to be recharged for a
month it’s gonna
be internet through the air
at ridiculous
broadband fiber optic
speeds it’s all
gonna eventually come to a
he’s got to come to that rate kurzweil
singularity that terrence mckenna
time wave zero
point of infinite
novelty it’s
gonna happen man it has to
it’s a thing
where it’s like
you see more and more articles that talk about how
in theory i think it’s
i mean what
einstein proved in theory it’s
absolutely possible
but now they’re really
there’s funding private funding but funding
going towards
actually taking this seriously if we’re gonna take
christ and all that seriously let’s
take this seriously dude it’s just like the nuclear
power issue they
were there the nuclear
power issue
is something
where they they came up with something
and they figured
out how to do it and then they just went
ahead and do it
without having it
completely worked out all
right they went
ahead and did it without
having some
you know agreed upon you know
ability to shut it off
right without having some agreed upon
ability to to
store all the
waste before we
start producing it
they just started doing it they just
started doing it
and they’re
gonna do that with
everything man but they did that with the
space program all that they did
that they do that with everything
they do that they’re doing with the
large hadron collider
and they’re out there you know
smashing atoms making the higgs boston particle
and creating little miniature
black holes they really are not exactly sure what’s
gonna happen
they’re taking some chances and sometimes
things go wrong
and things are
going wrong in
japan right now
and they’re
gonna continue to go
wrong and as well as go right
no matter what
things are gonna keep moving
they moved past the nuclear bombs of the 1940s
to what we’re capable of
today and that’s
gonna be nothing compared to antimatter
weapons that they’re coming up with
right now they’re coming up with some shit
right now ray guns
actual ray guns that work
have you seen the
laser that they shot down
they did a demonstration recently where
a boat was a mile away and they shot it with this
laser and caused
the engines to
catch on fire from a mile away
you know so they’ve got some
crazy shit they’re working on
right now that’s pretty dope
that’s nothing compared to i’m sure a
bunch of their shit
the drones the
drones are the scariest thing man
these fucking
their ability to operate
these little tiny machines that look like bugs yeah
they can get them little tiny ones and fly
them around and fucking make
videos of people and shit dude
have you seen there’s even a
thing for the
iphone now that little helicopter you can fly
they’ve had
their first
friendly fire
incident with
drones as well
there was a
thing today
i retweeted it’s on my twitter if you’re interested
there’s some
drones killed
some fucking people really killed some us soldiers yeah
oh yeah it was off the dredge report
they’re flying
drones in japan to
right now aren’t they to get a look inside the reactor
i would assume they
would do something like that i mean crack
pretty accurate now
it’s really
scary shit man it is
scary you know what
you retweeted that was even better than that though was
kitty kissing a dolphin
oh that was the cutest
thing ever i
could watch that shit all day there was
a cat and a dolphin being all snugly with each other
it was the cutest
thing ever man i wonder
if that’s like one of the
first times
a dolphin has played with a cat that cat was a bad
motherfucker he didn’t care
he’s like hanging out over the
water and he’s not even
tripping yeah you know cats can’t fucking swim they
would freak out if they fell in that that’s instant
death meanwhile he’s like
you know dancing
along the edge
doesn’t care
you can swat
at the dolphin i
haven’t seen that yeah it’s
fucking awesome very cute
especially for a guy like brian
who loves them i
wanna fuck that dolphin
he loves his little kitties
oh you do have kitties you have one of the
smush faces i have too many
kitties i have two cats and a dog and i’m so sick of it
oh i retweeted this the
asu adult film star did not get
she did not go to
she did not get kicked out
she didn’t get suspended no i mean i was
gonna say that’s a pretty
lenient campus
she did not get her scholarship revoked right
it’s not like that’s not you know yeah
party school central there
yeah apparently it was
the whole thing is
scripted she says
i knew going in there it was for sex
she said she was paid 2 000 and
assured the
video would only appear
on the part of the website
people had to pay to see
that didn’t happen the
video found its way onto free porn sites like of course
well she has no case or any
of course of course you’re
welcome to the internet
hey let me teach you
about yeah the internet
says perpetual adequates
there forever
so i guess they just
can let you
the school says go
ahead do some porn
you still have your
scholarship
i mean half the people in
school are we’re asu
it’s amazing
how porn is acceptable as long as it’s an accident
you know like kim
kardashian if kim
kardashian got hired
by vivid and got gang fucked by 50 football players
you know when a shot loads in her mouth
then she’d be done nobody won’t have anything to
do with her
the fact that it was like
her man and she
was fucking him and
meanwhile why is there so many cameras what’s
going on here
these cameras are from
weird angles i
guess people in the room with you okay what the fuck is
going on man there’s cuts there’s
one shots two shots
what kind of a
video is this you know what is it
you know what the fuck was that like but that
somehow or another is acceptable
it’s the most
ridiculous hoax not
just acceptable
it’s fortuitous for them it’s a career
builder i mean she’s who she is because of that
taste she’s
gigantic dude she’s gigantic
yeah she’s bigger than all of us
every every
businessman
everyone gets
into clocks g’s that
bitch is on billboards in australia yeah
she was on cosmos cover of
turkey version yesterday
there’s a big uproar because
turkey put her on the cover of
the turkish version of cosmo and you know
turks and armenians
little bad blood there
oh really and
she’s an armenian and she’s an armenian and
she’s gracing the
cover of a turkish publication
not by her choice cosmo went and did it without her
but it was funny a
bunch of armenians got pissed
cause kobe bryant did
a spot for turkish airlines
it’s like he’s gotten a
horse in that race you know what i mean that i
understand he
should do that but her it’s like that’s a little
weird that’s a little weird
it’s a little weird like
morty salman
wearing a swastika
it’s almost
the way society set up
right now with like
these teen mom shows and the real
housewives of beverly hills
kim kardashian it’s almost like
the scene in the running man
when they have
those ridiculous shows you know
yeah you know that
movie is so accurate you’re so
right it’s almost like it’s getting to this
weird sort of surreal point
where it’s like
wow this is what everyone’s fixated on a fascinated by
16 year olds that get
knocked up have a tv show now
and you see them
scream at their boyfriend get up you fucking lazy fat
piece of shit beat
the hell out of him beeping and
everything’s beeping and the guy
gets in the car and he’s taking the baby and the girl
screaming in his face
big dude getting
what the fuck are we
watching and you wonder why people have lost
their psychic abilities and all that shit i used to
think that when i was doing fear factor
when i was doing fear factor i was like we are
three seasons away from the running man yeah we’re like
right here we’re right here
and they’ll come they’ll line up
we were doing fear factor
and you know
everybody’s like well you know that shows like that
man are designed by the government to keep you soft and
no no they’re not
they’re made by people
cause that’s what people
wanna see but
even the people making them it’s not like they’re the
grand programmers of
the universe and they’ve done this on purpose to try to
lower people’s standards
no this is what you
wanna see man
you really do
wanna see some dumb shit it’s a
reflection of society that’s what they want
it’s a fascinating
thing to be
a part of too because when we were doing fear factor
while we were doing it we were all
going are they really letting us do this
like it was
we know would say okay
we said we’re gonna
blend rats what did they say
they said good we got a
green light you got a
green light on
blending rats
what about drink your own piss
no we just got a red
light can’t
drink your own piss with
every now and then we get red
lights you know
okay how about
eat a buffalo dick
i remember that
green light
green light
eat buffalo dicks
we can eat buffalo dicks holy shit
and we tell
them it’s buffalo dicks yes you’re allowed to tell him
how about balls
yes you can eat balls remember we have boiled balls
giant bull testicles with the skin on them all the
veins around it
you like did
you ever get sick
watching them do that
stuff oh bunch of times
i never threw up on the set i only
threw up at home once
funny enough i
would watch
that show with my nose plug
thinking like just reflectively
i would literally
watch like this
cause i’d feel like i’d
catch a whiff of something
you know it wasn’t the most fun
thing to do
you know because it was really fun sometimes but
other times it was fucking
tedious as hell
but looking back on it like wow i was a part of some
weird part of fucking
television history
one of the most unique
shows ever there’s nothing before or
after that’s like it
sorry it was
so strange to be a part of it i was at the 99 cent
store the other day and they’re
still selling like fear factor
candy like yeah
that’s got a show around the
world still
right yeah yeah i get
emails from people sometimes
in other countries
where just started showing just discovered fear factor
yeah for real
thank you the just
started there you know the country just got it i know
there’s countries who are just now getting like
i guess apparently
my sister’s
boyfriend is from germany he was saying like you know
they showed knight rider
you know like now
there like because
david hasselhoff
david hasselhoff and they
pride him but they’ll
countries will get
stuff that we are done with like that that
wrapped in the 90s that
wrapped in the 80s
but they’ll
think it’s new
and they’ll
dress accordingly
is it weird when a
comic goes to
another country and becomes big in that country
oh yeah that’s
weird that is
right when they did they’re not big in america
but they go somewhere when they become big yeah
that’s real strange
right that’s real
weird especially if it’s
if your native country you can’t seem to find
i mean it’s different with
musicians hendrix did it
you know right a few
other guys yeah
but they came to america and
america’s always been
at the top of the ice
cream pile that’s
where the cherry is that’s the whole
yeah i mean it’s still
it’s the grand
you know the big
stage supposedly
right but for like a lot of
comics like
going to other
countries you become more
successful yeah you
know like arg barker is gigantic in australia too is he
oh my god dude
he’s like richard pryor in australia
no bullshit man
he’s fucking huge how did that happen as
a cartoon or
well i guess he went over there
and kicked ass went on a
bunch of tours did a
bunch of tours over there and they just love him
he lives there now
apparently he
got a house there and he’s like fuck it
he comes on tour in america but
most of the time he
spends in australia
sells out like you know fucking 20 30
nights in a row at
places i was wondering what happened to him because
it’s like around the time like him demetri martin
started getting a lot of attention
that seems like one kind of went the other way
he went to australia and just
started kicking ass good for him
he’s like the biggest comic
in australia i
think pablo
giant is pretty well
worldwide doesn’t
he he does huge in like finland yeah
he’s got some pockets of
out there he’s so
silly too you don’t really have to be
adept at the language to
understand pablo well that’s the
thing is the language
barrier would i think
certainly have to keep me in english
speaking only nations obviously
and even the most
you know americanized ones because it’s like
well a lot of europe
speaks english as well yeah if they come to your show
you know i’ve
done shows in ireland i’ve done shows you know
i’ve done shows in
a bunch of i
never did germany
but i’ve done them all throughout the uk
and you get people that
speak a gang of different languages and english
right french english they
speak it all
it just seems to me like i
watched a documentary what
eddie is heard
learned french to do a set in france
whoa that was
pretty cool and connected with them not as much as he
would want to
but he learned french now growing up a brit
he probably knew his fair
share as it was dude
eddie isard’s a bad
motherfucker
i used to think he’s a
silly man with a dress on
like when i
first saw him like
cross dressing
what is it what kind of
weird gimmick is that
then i saw him do this one show
where he went on a marathon
every day for like 30 fucking days or something
crazy like that
might have been even more than 30 days
something nuts man
this guy ran all the way around the uk
oh wow dude it was
ridiculous they
filmed him they followed him around with cameras
i mean he got hurt man his feet were fucked up
he kept running his legs
would not up he
could barely move he
could barely
shuffle for it what was
he kept going for
i forget some sort
of charity thing yeah i
watched a documentary on him
and they talked
about the address of
cross dressing
issue but by
the time you get done with the film he’s so fascinating
it’s just a little side
thing to the
point where you don’t even
think of it anymore you know what i mean he’s a bad
motherfucker it is a
crosstresting
dude it’s a
crosstressing
thing where it’s like guy who
smokes cigarettes it’s like i kind of need to do it
that’s what he’s
literally like i have to do it
he’s not like i’m not into dudes nothing
like that i just really need to do this once a day
and i was just like wow
and that’s what he
would do when he
would go on
stage like he was really like that
was he was into
cross dressing
right he’s just into
cross dressing there’s no so it
wasn’t a gimmick it’s not a gimmick there was no sexual
thing it was just some
is no sexual
thing i mean it’s probably so he says
he always says
right people know you like but he
did he was so interesting he made you forget that he
dressed like that yeah
yeah he’s a bad
motherfucker
anybody can run a marathon
every day as many days as he did it was it was a
ridiculous documentary
i don’t know why it didn’t air in america
because nbc or someone
should have picked it up
because it was really compelling it is interesting they
should have aired it simultaneously
it was really
compelling i mean if they had room for it anywhere it
would have done
very well because it was really gripping
i started it not
thinking that i was
going to get into it at all so
here’s a fuck about some
idiot running everywhere
you know i’m like this is stupid
you know run everywhere
but then i realized
how much he’s
pushing through this and doing it in like
great spirits and
laughing and this guy’s got a
solid personality
there’s documentaries you’ll
watch like that i
watched one recently called
still bill have you
heard of this one no it’s a
story of bill withers
he’s a soul
singer kind of r amp b guy from somebody who
sang and wrote lean on me
ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
damn but this guy didn’t pick up a guitar or sing or
learn to do any of it till he was
32 years old holy
shit and you wanna talk
about natural ability
this guy picks it up when he’s 32
it writes lean on me
blows up leaves the
music business like ten years
after being in it sometime around the late
seventies just had enough
and just collects his
royalties and mind you makes a
ton of money he’s the nicest
most decent person you ever saw he’s from
slab fork west virginia
has this real country
way of living but lives up in the hollywood hills but
you talk to this guy he’s the most lovable guy in the
world like of course he
doesn’t have to do anything he
doesn’t have anything
smoked but you know the
whole thing is
people have been begging him to come do
tracks come back into the
music industry
for years and at the end i won’t
tell you what happened somebody begs him to come back
and it just shows this guy who is it chris brown
no it’s nothing like that
thank god i would
have never had said that i hate that guy
i feel bad for him
who’s that chris brown
yeah i feel bad for him being him
yeah he hates being him you can tell
it’s a hard
person to be man he’s a mess you can tell that guy has
no you can see it in his eyes so
he came back and
wrote a song and it was horrible can’t tell you
can’t tell you that you
gotta watch it
still bill but it is still bill
still bill one of the best documentaries i’ve seen in
per bobby lee’s recommendation
funny enough
wow and not
funny enough
because sometimes he recommends really good
stuff but other times he recommends horrible what’s the
worst thing he’s ever recommended
the what you call it movie with
river phoenix’s brother
oh yeah i heard that was terrible that was
awful he thought it was brilliant
really it’s fucking brilliant you said
fucking brilliant
fucking bobby lee it’s brilliant it wasn’t brilliant
a lot of his stuff he
forgot you impressions
bobby bobby’s into good pretty good
movies can you do bobby lee can you do
i could do fucking bobby lee
that’s what it is
i’m gonna fucking bomb joe rogan i’m the fucking bomb
they walk in pretty close yeah close that’s a click
as much as can you jesse ventura
jesse the body ventura
that’s now it’s jesse the mind ventura
that’s right come on
joe rogan’s podcast to talk the truth
yeah i think i got pretty goddamn good
i’ve never done that before
911 was an inside job
if you think the latter
you’re the one who’s misinformed brother
you don’t think that rumsfeld knew what he was doing
when he told those troops to stand down oh yeah
mitch almost sounds a little sam elliot
in there too a little bit right dodge ram
if you don’t get any roadhouse
quotes in you
show that man to the door
and if he doesn’t go quietly
what does it use his
fucking head
and buy yourself a dodge ram
pickup with all the torque and you
definitely know how
to stretch his words out the way stretches his words
rocky get on the bike rocky
rocky dennis what was that
thing you did
about iced tea and cocoa
what did you do recently
oh what it was
something the same
tripley show yeah the same
tripley show
baby bowl baby bowl
yeah we did a
iced tea commercial
with a cocoa
a great cocoa
look like maya
maya was that
her name maya did
she look just like coco
for a while she was
built like her she was an anomaly
like this huge ass huge
boobs and this tiny
waist now granted it was all
sculpted that way but it was
still this anomaly
whoa it was
ridiculous it was
ridiculous she
sculpted that way
meaning like operations yeah operations up top i’ve
heard people seen that coco in real life said she’s
absolutely beautiful she is
but yeah we did the iced tea
thing we did the
baby bull man that went over pretty well and he saw it
red band tweeted it
and iced tea
tweeted back
what did iced
tea say what did he say i said
i made a video
what do you think
about this and he i
say it’s interesting
yeah i say it’s
interesting
that’s pretty goddamn good
iced tea that’s like that
iced tea man
that’s dead
that’s a 100
and i’m fighting off
a cold from the past
three days sometimes when i have a cold my
impressions get a little better like i’ve
never done that ventura one before i didn’t know
that i probably
know if you
could do it if you do a good bro call
i left him a good bro call
a tom broker
i mean she’s
nightly news
oh that’s pretty fucking good
all right singers
bombs are probably into all of us
there’s nothing americans can do about it
did you know tom
broke has a pothead 24 hour day pothead
is he really a
rightful pothead that must
be so apparently
i take bong
rips on the
daily i’m broke
i only smoke
indica the sativa
makes me not want to do my job
that’s hilarious that’s so good die nuts
he really does
smoke pot where’d you hear this
you know i read
it somewhere and i just ran with it i didn’t research
it okay let’s research
it you don’t
go to just say yeah say tom
how do you spell
broke off b r o
okay ww that’s boy
roger ocean
saw a family guy last night
where there
was a gang of bro calls there’s like 12 of them no
never did it not interested
never did it was like
experimented with a little marijuana
never like a lot of
other people
you just made up some
shit god damn it
somebody made it up and i wanted to believe it okay i
want to believe
it too i wish i didn’t google it
all right who else
who’s confirming is there some
clearing house
of whether a celebrity is a pothead or not
hey it broke off you’re listening i
think didn’t post give
us a i’ve been working on a john lithgow as well
my girlfriend
doesn’t like it but i do
actually she does like it
hello dex can you do
women can you do
nancy grace she’s my favorite
nancy grace
this is a real problem yeah
dead babies in florida
we are live right now homie
yeah it was a good march was that
the other one of you do that’s amazing is
morgan freeman
morgan free
yeah that’s ridiculous andy do frame
annie dufresne gave me hand jobs
those last few nights talk about your
penis morgan my penis hangs down to my kneecaps
and i’m wearing knickerbocker
shorts you can tell knickerbocker
sure sure why not i do lean on me
quotes what you got in that locker son
my future all right now
and then i take
quotes from from lean on
me and i change them around like and lean on me there’s
this kid he keeps hassling because his kids like yo mr
clock man i’m
gonna move away man i’m
gonna go make
money he’s like you’ll be dead in a year son
he’s like no no man i’m
gonna go work for my
uncle be dead in the year
so me and a
buddy would take it and be like
yo mr clark i got accepted to harvard man
you’ll be dead in a yes son
no i’m going
to harvard in cambridge you’ll be dead in a yes son
well fuck you then clark
joe did a ice cube thing the
other day we were in the
green room baked as hell and
we saw this commercial for a sitcom for ice cubes and
sitcom are we there yet
yeah that’s what
damn why you kids make all this noise
i pick up little chris and put him on the porch yeah
our ice cube’s terrible it’s hard
that’s terrible you know i saw him in concert recently
damn kids you
saw me in concert yeah what’s he doing
caperola bought me the
ticket we went
to go see him and he didn’t do anything off
death certificate
the album i grew up loving that
album changed
my life i was probably not allowed to
what did he do
fresh out of school
cause i was a high
school grant
so there’s a little
ice cube i got it there what did he do stuff from
post 98 i hadn’t listened to anything ice cube
since 95 so i wonder if he
knew shit that
i guess he still makes new shit
and then he brought his son out like i
wanna hear his son i heard he
sounds pretty
good though
his son he has
two sons one looks just like him from 1987
really the thing is it’s like that’s the
thing with second
generation hip hop
dude you better come seriously correct
cause hip hop’s born in poverty
and thrives in struggle
and second generation hip hop
i don’t mind a rich rapper who became rich on his own
but the second
generation thing you know
it’s hard harvard west
lake till i die homie
you know it doesn’t
yeah i’m sure he
still had to
grow up having ice cube as a father with ice cube
got it fucked all
right ice cube i’ll tell you this
at the age of 17
moved to arizona went to a
trade school and
studied architecture before
founding nwa
are you can
check on that
o’shea jackson
his name is
wow so how what
is this kid this kid goes up and rap comes up and raps
about hard times joe rogan
i heard is he rap
hard times joe rogan i
heard he’s good though i
heard he was good he was good he’s got that booming
voice like ice cube has what does he say
about the hard
times i don’t even remember i just wanted to
leave so bad by the time it was over it was at the
house of blues you know the last
time i was at
the house of blues i saw you there
and you ran into me
cause we went to
chewy show yeah why we did that i don’t know that was
great but it was
2001 maybe something like that and we got a
chewy show up
good dude chewy
is good hey i’m
going to the
house of blues bro
you gotta come
dude he’s a
crazy guy and as a
bouncer he wasn’t your favorite guy
but as a band
member that was pretty dope but
he was good man it was weird
chewie was the doorman at the comedy
store like fucking forever
but he was a nice i mean
he had to like you
a nice job he liked me luckily
thank god he
didn’t like
you became a real problem but he always liked me
and he i even
introduced him one time i
introduced him one time at the
house of booze
oh yeah yeah yeah
they’re fucking good man yeah he’s real good
chewie castro and what was the band called
chewie and the
i don’t know i remember the song hey chewie
yeah hey chewie
hey rick james
is gonna play with me bro
yeah remember that rick
james used to come jam with him rick
james used to go on
stage with chili
really and this is back before rick
james was like
immortalized by dave chappelle oh yeah
this was 2000 2001 yeah rick
james was like you
know people
like didn’t care that much that he was there
after the dave chappelle sketches if he went on
stage they would have gone crazy
right but this was i mean obviously he was dead
know but this was
2001 or so he
would go on yeah
dude chewie’s band it was real weird
to know someone from work
and then you
know they say hey we come see my band like okay
here we go here we go but you know i mean
you didn’t really expect
much castro and like the notes the notes
get what the fuck they were
yeah somebody can find that
chewy castro he’s also the bad guy in
james bond right
chewy castro
he dressed up
like that guy that one guy that waited all the time
i always took
my hat off and
cut your head off
of his hat he’s
dressed like that or like somebody from a
clockwork orange or somebody who works at a
mommy burger
i love that cut your head off of his hat remember we
would like hit
sculptures and shit and
knock arms off and stuff
this fucking stupid hat
i bet chewy
could do that well chewy
also had a side job there i forget what it was
great labrad oh shit
how many interesting
people have you met out of the goddamn comedy store
that is like
a whirlpool that sucks all the weirdos
right to it it’s the overlook
hotel from the shining
man it’s just it is it’s a vortex for the weirdos and
have you ever met mickey
mickey yeah
it’s a guy who’s
literally so
funny to watch
cause he’s so crazy
but he’s the most like
it’s funny to
watch somebody interact with them like a customer
con he’s not he’s just some dude who hangs out there
but they’re like the bathrooms here he’s like yeah
like the most difficult person you
could ever run into
if you just want
basic information is this a new guy no
he’s been there
since they got the tinted
glasses tinted
glasses mustache
since the 70s
since the 70s been hanging out
there apparently he’s a
trust fund guy he’s a mystery ding dong guy isn’t he i
think he was a ding dong
guy for a little
while but i
tried to avoid that
don barras freaked me out with all
those people he’d been rough
there were some amazing
characters in that
stuff though that
mickey’s one of them
is there no
greater master of nuts than don
barras the best don is
ring leader we just had on def
squad man he was talking
about the old days when the comedy
store was in our
basement of a restaurant and
oh that was the westwood version
westwood yeah that was the
where kennison
used to rock out of yeah i was talking
about kennison how there was a
bullet hole i didn’t know this in the
belly room yeah
and the sign of the
building yeah
yeah he pulled out a thing was
about him and dice being mad at each
other wow kennison
pulled out a gun and shot a fucking sign wow
that’s craziness
yeah it’s pretty interesting podcast
yeah that’s
you know who else is a
great ruler of the crazies
is rick in room
he always has they always worship him it’s so funny
like how he’s got that
power up the crazier they are the more they confide
in him which is so
funny because he’s the most cynical
motherfucker on earth
you know i mean he just makes fun of him
right to their face they’re like i love you rick
you’re always good to me
it’s like now you know
weird people
in hollywood trying to be seen trying to be
heard trying to be
found find me
yeah what a
weird creepy
place to live
do you ever
think you’re ever moving out of here are you
gonna stay here forever
if i did i’d
move to new york
basically i
could live in new york i can live in la
but i want like to have
somewhere on montana
and i want to go fly fishing and just be left the hell
that’s what i’m talking
about dogs let’s go
we keep saying this man let’s go
this is a good
time to fish
it’s a spring
let’s go fishing
we should have
done we were in portland
we should have stayed an
extra day and went
salmon fishing kind of
going catalina island is there fishing there
yeah it’s ocean though
dude have you ever
watched the
urban fisherman
this guy will show you
where to fish in your city dude i’m a huge
fisherman oh i saw that show
what is that
urban fisherman this guy he’s almost hunting shows it’s
fishing no it’s actually like on
travel i think
and it’s that guy’s
i canelee ross or somebody
i canelli or something his last name isn’t
he does urban fishing he’ll
catch fish in the hudson
river he’ll
catch fish does he
eat them no he
doesn’t eat him he’s a
sport fisherman so he tosses them all back
but he’ll show you if you live in a big city you can
still find great fishing
times a month you know it’d be cool
really yeah that’s
where you go
i go to arizona a lot
i go fly fishing i go bass fishing me and my
buddy scotty g we do the bass fishing at dobson
ranch park dude just
throw them all day
i caught a catfish at
night waiting for my
breaks to be done
i was like i’m
gonna go next door
catch a catfish come back dude i got an emergency pole
where was this this was in arizona
in arizona but not out here you don’t i
catch i gotta do it out here too
where do you go fishing to the
santa monica
pier and fish without a license
you can fish really fish
anywhere yeah in the
ocean you can fish without a
license without a
license on the
santa monica
pier you can fish yeah really
yeah how come
i think it’s kind of no man’s land they
can’t really govern it you don’t really need i don’t
think you need
a license to
ocean fish at all
yeah i think you don’t i
think it’s fresh
water that you need
it’s fresh water and
it’s all that urban
stuff you have to get that
local urban
license and then you have to get the lake
license but
i fish any chance i get it’s so much like comedy it’s a
patience game it’s fun when you get good at it you get
i’m not good
at it i just do it a lot but i’m getting better
i used to fish
all the time when i was living in jamaica
plain i used to go to jamaica pond and catch
big ass fucking rainbow trout oh yeah
yeah we catch a lot of fish there man
and there was a lake
massachusetts is
great because there was a lot of different
places to fish when i was a kid
but there was a lake near my
house in newton i caught a
three pound bass in this little tiny ass pond
it’s a big ass fucking bounce just
dominating shit in this pond i think
streaming and fishing
would sound so good together
just hanging
out i’d get
freaked out by my own bait
i use lures
i have a top water hook
i’d be afraid of it you know what i mean
and i’ve gotten
into lures now like as a kid i was always live bait
but now i’m into lures the
sport the art of fishing and i got
into fly fishing recently that’s some cool shit dude
i used to love i am no
good at it man
catching so awesome
i used to love
catching bass on
floating rapalas
oh yeah cast them out then just
twitch it a
little bit like a little fish that’s fucked up
bass are like torpedoes
held that fucking
thing like they couldn’t they
could not hit it dude you want to
catch bass too
spoons that’s the best way
spoons the silver
things have
clicked dying minnows
against the
stream that was the coolest
thing about fishing when i was a kid you
never knew what the fuck they wanted that day yeah
one day it was plastic worms the next day it was
spinner baits
it was all different
things to catch them with
or they were
smarter and
wiser to somebody and you’d be fishing with somebody
like what did he use and he caught something
and you’d lose all
confidence in what you had on
god damn it i need to get one of those
we go to this place
my buddy one of the
places i go my mom lives next door to a lake
just one of
these community lakes
i go fish there pull catfish out of there i go to my
buddy scotty william lives on tops and
ranch it’s like four feet deep this water
we take his dad’s pontoon
smoke bowls and fucking fish
the whole time like just smoking bowls and
fishing sounds fun and in the sun too
it’s the best time man i like fishing
has given me in my 30s this whole new
it exercises
the patience like i’ve got a lot more patience now
there’s something
visceral about hooking a big fish too man you
know it’s like
something it just goes
it charges up
some caveman instinct and
nature you you
you won that day
you know you won that day and i i’ve been
places where it’s like you know there’s big
whale swimming but they’re not biting nothing
but then there’s
other nights
where it’s like you know you
i was at my mom’s
house when i said i’m
going to catch a fucking fish right now
and i’m taking
hot dog with me that’s how pathetic this is
but i know the catfish they’re fucking lake
roaches they’ll eat anything yeah
i chum the water with a little corn
sure enough two seconds
later i had a bite on that hot dog i used to use
chicken liver
i used to buy chicken
liver at a store near
my grandfather’s used to take me in newark new jersey
which would take me to some fucking lake
and we’d go fishing like late at
night it was so
shifty back then too it
was like so dangerous i’m here with my old grandfather
and it’s late at
night cause that’s when he
would catch the catfish yeah
so he took me to some creepy ass neighborhood late at
night to catch fish
you know casting out
liver into this lake i pulled a 10
pound channel catfish oh wow
all brown and
like a mud catfish
crazy man i do that i go fishing anywhere i
think you might be able to go to echo park
i don’t know
if anybody’s pulling anything out of there i
never eat that little pond over here in calabasas
down you know it’s
like in the middle yeah yeah i know what you’re talking
about it’s a luca lake
i think there’s nothing in there
there’s another
place there’s
a lake lake
shit i forgot
the name of it lake
arrowhead no
that’s the place lake
arrowhead is a big bear right
yeah that’s
that’s what that’s one of the big ones like
are you talking
those places like imagine living like
right there like
right on the lake
a big bear or lake
arrowhead down
he’s so dumb
it’s not just the fishing like i don’t go and get
upset if i don’t
catch like it’s being out there the
smell it’s the
still i want to go
canoeing have you guys ever used to go canoeing
knowing seems
ridiculous what
so fun going into
the lake yes
i’m not into some
white water no
i’m not about
white water i
go fishing out of a canoe
i do that i usually just wade
i like where they drop you
off in the car and you go for like i don’t know like
three hours and then there’s a pickup
point near the end it’s
just a huge
journey of where you go
ohio it’s all over
there’s like
kevin bacon and
whitewater summer yeah
but it used to be so fun it wasn’t
whitewater raffing but there was parts
where it was like oh here’s some
rapids the whole
thing about
buying a shitload of beer and
drinking so we should go
on a boat in a lake is the shit
i got chillin
relaxing floating on that boat
defying nature by being out there in the
first place this is
awesome i do
ocean fishing
once a year with my dad and we’ll go off in sonata
and we’ll do a day trip and that’s fun
cause that’s hardcore
sport fishing you’re pulling out marlin tuna
you name it mackerel 50
pounds like you’re worn out by the end of the day
but lately i’ve gone back to the
freshwater fishing of just
chilling out there
making some dogs i get really
nasty when people come to try to talk
they bite back off i’m out here
alone whoa you
know yes i am
seriously beat it bro i didn’t come yeah it is
annoying when someone won’t stop talking i don’t mind
the common fishing
questions hey how the bite and what are you using
then beat it but not like
don’t drop a
chair bro i left
the city to get away from
you some people just sit in and talk to you yeah my
girlfriend she’s all mad at me i
don’t give a fuck bro
i hope you have face aids let me fish
ocean fishing is pretty dope
but there’s something about
still water
like especially
a top water lure or a fly
they cast a fly on
still water and just give it a little
twitch and that trout comes up and
blasts it and you’re like oh shit yeah
i love that shit we
should go man let’s go fishing let’s do it let’s do it
i’ve been wanting to go hunting
for a long time and i’d set it on my message board
all these fucking
hi vegan fucking weirdo hippie dudes
wigged out you
know what you
would if you had to eat
if i had to eat yeah
i don’t know
if you were living on a
ranch and there’s
don’t be a dick hunter huh yeah
dress it and use
every part of birds
did the bird shit
hunting ducks and
shit fuck that but i used to hunt as a kid i used to
shoot things i just got sick of it i saw
a rabbit out in your front yard
my mind was like
where’s my red
rider baby i really
blast him but i was like did you eat them
yeah you see him yeah
how good is rabbit
pretty gamey pretty lean you know
if you figure
it’s like venison when you eat that kind of
stuff any kind of fast moving animal
is always gonna be very
tough you know
if you have to make a stew or something like that
we marinate
it for about
three or four days and then
ended up yeah making like a stew
three or four days yeah
really like
sitting there
in the crockpot
field dress that throw it
right in there in the fridge and let it sit in that
it was jackrabbit this
same subject came up yesterday when i was on the adam
carolla show we’re talking about
cooking your own food and
hunting and gathering your own food and how some people
are so opposed to it
even though they eat meat
so we’re so
weird as human beings we’re in this
weird stage of
getting past
being an animal
and all the shit that’s connected to be an animal like
killing food
and causing suffering in order so
that you survive
we’re so separated
ourselves from all that shit it’s like
we’ve become some
weird thing
outside of nature
that connects to nature we have
agents that do the nature
thing for us
that’s true
it’s very strange
you see all
these now these
documentaries on exposing how your meat is made i’ve
watched everyone
and it’s just like wow
okay but i still
gonna eat meat
cause i get
it but i won’t eat that kind of meat like now i get
the whole purpose of
going to a ranch
and buying fresh
farm shit i
ate taco bell the
other day and i knew
that study that it’s not even meat but i
still ate it
what is it fillers
they said it’s filled with
cardboard or something you know the
thing is it’s
like i don’t eat the fast food but it’s like
i would be a hunter if i lived out
in montana and i
would field
dress it and use
every part the right way
like a real hunter does i have nothing
against that
right you know what i mean i’m not doing
drive bys on fucking deer and just leaving them out
there well the
thing you use it
right i’m all for it
you really do have to kill them and people need to wrap
their heads around that because
otherwise you’re
gonna have a massive amount of predators and
starvation hunting keeps the
population go to west virginia go to
these places
where they’re like fuck deer
yeah fuck deer
you know you
wait for hunting
season to come
yeah well in
colorado man
you have to be careful
everywhere you drive
especially when in boulder
is in boulder
no one shoots them and they’re in the mountains
so you know you’re in a town
so no one’s
shooting these deer so they’re fucking
everywhere and
everywhere you go you gotta
make sure some asshole deer
doesn’t jump out in
front of the road and slam into your
car you ever been to alaska had that happen with the
moose there no
that’s gonna
be crazy god
i saw moose
everywhere and it’s like sure enough one was
standing in the road when we
were leaving to go to the airport they dangerous well
they won’t attack you but
they’re so tall that
their knees are at europe
basically top of your car
so when you hit them
you’re gonna bring this
2 000 pounds is
gonna come rushing
right in your windshield
they’re perfectly set up to come in and kill you
and that’s what happens is they come in and just
you hit them
and they fall into the cab of your car you just get
crushed they’re
enormous man
it’s like before the elephant falling on you yeah
yeah they’re massive animals i mean
they’re territorial they’ll come
after you if they have to but they’re like deer
a deer will fuck you up if it has to
but nine times out of ten it’ll just bail
yeah do they have like special bumpers that they put on
trucks and shit out there to make sure that they
attract those elk
same idea is like a deer
guard but raised up yeah like
the like the t
guards on the back of a semi i
think same idea but on the top of your
thing do they have deer
guards they do a lot of deer
guards really
a lot of people dude alaska have you been there no
that was a fascinating
place man it was
a very fascinating
comedy there sometimes i
would love to
but doug stanhope decided that the people were too
stupid there oh really yeah that’s all you need to know
if doug will do any goddamn crowd
doug will pull up into a bar there’s not a
chair to be
found in a half a mile radius
everyone’s standing piss drunk and
doug will be up there
no one wants to fuck your kid on myspace
literally going
through his act and he’s got no problem and he stopped
going to alaska
don’t know what the
exact details were but i used to go there and
party all the time i
want to say enough
on per luca palanca
and wheels parisi
we’re doing that gig
oh my goodness
this was probably six
seven years ago but it was a
great gig paid good and i’m sure
there’s a lot of cool people in alaska don’t get me
wrong i met cool people from alaska it
was strange bro
the number of
knuckleheads it was strange it was a very strange
place it was cool like a lot of cool
stuff to do they’re all like
excited to tell you that they all know how to fly
planes they’re all you know they eat
moose jerky they do all this crazy shit
but then they do really
crazy shit like
sniff oxycontin
and look at you like you’re the weirdo when you don’t
you know really yeah like that kind of shit like
a lot of pill heads up there a lot of pill heads it’s
northern exposure
what’s that it’s probably nothing to do there yeah hunt
and fuck and
it wasn’t like
the mother in law of
bristol palin’s baby daddy
wasn’t she in
busted for selling meth
probably yeah i’m
pretty sure
yeah yeah i’m pretty sure
you know what
silla was silla
you know that
crazy bitch i
play knows with
her husband
sarah palin’s husband
who was friends with the guy
who owned the
radio station we did an anchorage
bob bob was friends with him
you played pool with them
played pool with him but i didn’t know it till years
later this was six
seven years ago did he seem like he was gay
it didn’t seem
like anything because he didn’t matter to me he
still had the same kind of like goatee
and hair you know that looked very suspicious
you know like
the look that he rocks
whatever you
think his look was like bison
but with the way he says
suspicious you mean like disingenuous
no very mid 90s very out of
place for the year 2006 as it was yeah off
right i was like either he’s a time
traveler out of
style what do
you do you are you
the type of guy that like when you see a
powerful woman
with some guy
behind her who’s not really talking that much
do you just automatically assume
that he’s a bitch
yeah right yeah
not to be a pig or nothing but yeah i do yeah
i do when i see a really
powerful woman i want to see
what’s this guy like
is he more powerful
or is he less we’ll see
steadman might be more powerful
what oprah’s man what do you
think what are you talking
about i think
isn’t he pretty rich
is he on his own yeah he
can’t be rich like over rich i don’t
think nobody’s over rich i’m so glad we got to talk
about oprah oh yeah
why we talked
about kitties now we talk about opra
i just love it when joe talks oprah
i watch the opra
show sometimes yeah
subscribe to oh
do you like her no
yeah i think she’s interesting i don’t
think she’s a bad person she’s a good person
she’s doing she’s
spreading positive energy and she’s an easy
target would you bang her joe rogan
her or ellen
her or ellen who’d i bang
i’d bang over i
think oprah
yeah because she
would probably dollar
pussy she would probably like it
it’s billion dollars
alan would probably be
angry at me
i mean that is
assuming that oprah is
truly homosexual
heterosexual rather that
would be hot though
you know i was like i don’t want this dick
you’re taking
this dick not me you got a different
thing that turns you on buddy
and he checked it
well you know
there’s two types of
lesbians there’s
lesbians by genetics or
lesbians by circumstance
and lesbians by life you know
lesbians by
abusive men
and those are the
scary ones not
scary but sad i
should say sad
i’ve met a lot of
girls that fuck
they just met so many fucking asshole
men from their father
all the way down to
every fucking guy they’ve ever attracted
and they just like fuck men i need accompaniment
my girl’s always
been there for me and you hug this girl next
thing you know you’re a lesbian
right nothing
wrong with that man
or you know i
think women are much more open to the idea of
experimenting
and then maybe they find that they like
women better
and it’s something that most
straight men
would never
do it’s open i mean even if you’re a girl you’d have to
admit that you know
post a spectacular look
and boobs yeah and
these rubber
dicks i’m sure they you know they’re
happy with that
just dip it in
water hot water
make it warm
shove it in there i
think it’s a real dick
is it gay to show another guy
how much sperm that they made
today like a
picture don’t show
dudes your loads yeah yeah
unless they’re in the business
click click
alright air
quote never
mind that do you send loads
no i took a picture
today’s one
because i didn’t have sex yesterday
and i just to show how much came out
today you want to show
one of your friends your loads no i showed it to my
girlfriend and she was like wow that’s
crazy and it is
crazy and i was
gonna take you a couple
you show it
to her because you jerked off on your own is
oh she was at work and i was like
i was like hey
fellas i was
gonna show you but
it’s gay right that’s gay it’s like that’s
worse than showing your poop
right you need to go to a doctor
it’s just like coming
out of your body just like it’s a gay because it’s
come where i’ve
never show me
pictures of your shit either
unless they’re
spectacular
huge i had a
wrap around this is
huge amount of come like it’s surprising
hmm okay you
eat a lot of
egg whites or something
i don’t know
eating healthy
i don’t know taking zinc no
any supplements
sushi sushi the
sushi will do it there’s a lot of zinc
and a lot of heavy
metals as well though be careful
i believe they
drove german
piven crazy
right you didn’t have to get
out of some sort of a show because of that what you got
mercury overdose
it’s fucking real shit man
i used to eat anchovies
every week i used to eat
five six cans of anchovies
and then i got my
blood work done and the doctor said there’s
arsenic in my
blood not much but a little bit
and i go what
the fuck someone trying to poison me and he was like no
it’s a heavy metal
have you been eating a lot of seafood and i said yeah
i eat a lot of sardines
it’s like don’t eat the
sardines for a
while do another test
i’m clean it’s
arsenic wow
arsenic from from
just like that too
right that’s all the
oceans are so goddamn
polluted man
there’s that gigantic
patch of garbage
that’s floating somewhere in the middle of pacific
there’s not just one there’s a
bunch of them yeah
and it’s underwater it’s not just on the surface
there’s like a fuckload of it
underwater and they’re
enormous now they’re almost the
exact size of the united
states yeah
it’s an inhabitant that’s
crazy it used to be the size of texas
and the latest
one when they said it was almost the size of the united
states that’s
ridiculous it’s insane it’s the scariest thing ever
and you know what all this shit that came from fucking
tokyo was all
added to that too by the way or from
japan rather
all that shit that got washed away
in the earthquake the
tsunami that
stuff’s out at sea
i mean there’s a lot of fucking
debris out at sea
they’re finding houses
actual full houses
floating in the
ocean oh i’m sure and way out there
too oh yeah
and they’ve had what
three seven pluses in
it’s so crazy that someone decided to put a goddamn
series of nuclear reactors on
fault lines like it’s almost like
fault lines on an island
people are so silly
it’s like they like the the earth
could move but then
again it might not
it’s man you
know it’s when people
start to say this god
stuff and they
start to be like look
look at the
and you know it’s like no there isn’t a god it’s just
mother nature
being itself and we went and did something
stupid you know
well that is
mother nature
though we are insanely curious and we have this
weird desire to test
the boundaries to try
limitations
yeah to tame
mother nature and also to pull off the next new thing
to be able to get
power out of this gigantic
building that fills up the entire city
there’s just some
i mean literally they’re harnessing the
power of the fucking sun inside this
facility and containing it somehow or another yeah you
know and the real problem is i mean they’ve made some
you know some safeguards and shit and make
things you know a little
bit they can contain situations a little bit better
clearly they didn’t think of
every possible scenario
they didn’t
think of a nine right
they didn’t
think of a nine that
rattled for five minutes
because when you
think of that and you
think of a nine
you have to consider if you’re putting out a
budget for something how
often does a nine happen not too
often exactly so
we can’t appeal we can’t pay for the
worst possible scenario we have
to pay for a pretty bad one what a colossal fuck up
it’s another reason to get the fuck out of california
cause there’s
all sorts of fault
and there’s
all sorts of fucking reactors there’s one in
orange county anything over an
eight we got a big problem yeah scary
shit man but you know what that’s the cost of living
somewhere where it’s 75 degrees
every day yeah
but it’s not 75 degrees
every day in japan
i don’t know what the deal is over there i’m
not in that
spot i don’t
think the coolest shit that’s why yeah they do have
this yeah this is another subject that we talked
about yesterday on the corolla
show that this is the
exact perfect
place geographically
as far as like climate you can’t get any better
but as far as like
the worth of
human beings because there’s so many of us
it becomes people
becomes less valuable and they become more
aggressive toward each
other and more shitty to each other
there’s way
more cool people because there’s so many of us
because just sheer numbers i mean this podcast
is absolute
proof of that
one of the coolest
things about this podcast to me
is like it reunites me and
makes me realize how many interesting
fucking people i know how many cool friends i have that
i come over and
we have these cool conversations and then
this goes out into the internet and the
whole world gets it it’s like
there’s not that many people that have
you know freddie lockhart and sam tripolis
and all these different characters and duncan
trussells and
you know and
kevin pereira there’s all
these different
cool people and joey and ari
in their life i mean there’s so many of them you
know and part of that is because we’re living in this
giant population center and
it’s very showbiz
centric so you know everyone’s attracted to
spot it’s one of the few
things that keeps me here really
i like i mean it becomes like a way of life
after a while and you really can’t
leave it because when i’m outside of weirdoville
i find the normal people to be extremely weird
you know what i mean
i find the wants and desires my friends when i go back
when i go back to arizona and i
hang out with some of my friends some of them are still
have their youth and they
still have kids and they have family but they maintain
their youth
but most of them just turn into
their parents
right and it’s a really
weird thing to me that like they say depressing
the apex of
their life is over and now it’s just kind of like
going through the motions where i
still like to
think the best is yet to come
well you you
have a different career than that yeah i have a regular
career you’re a guy who
sells buicks
whatever the fuck you are
right but when people add you on facebook how
crazy different do they look like than
you us you know
like people
adding me to
facebook from high
school and stuff i’m like holy shit that looks
like my dad’s
friends now yeah well
those poor fucks have to work for a living
yeah those poor fucks are out
there grinding
just visually
they just look like stress 20 or 30 years
older dude look at
obama look at what he looks like now
as opposed to what
he was yeah dude look at bush when bush
got into office
and then towards the end look at clinton clinton’s
whole head her hair went gray
by the time he was out
i mean that shit ages you any
extreme stress ages
you pick to
your stress
level compared to a guy with a real job it’s
ridiculously low
mine is ridiculously low yeah i
guess you’re right
about that i don’t stress
about a whole lot
to the point
where i’ve gotten
you know i have time to i stress all the time now
even if it’s not an important
strike i don’t
you need to
stop doing that because your life is easy as fuck
even when my life is hard like the difficult shit
about my life is all just requires preparation
there’s no stress
because i actually
enjoy doing it
the real stress comes from something that you don’t
enjoy doing it but it requires an extreme
amount of preparation and extreme amount of time
and you put all this
effort into something you
don’t even like and you’re just doing it just for money
you know if you’re a lawyer and you don’t like being
a lawyer you’re just doing it because there’s a lot of
money in it that will fucking break in i
think that’s what brought us all here is we have that
childlike thing in us that says i want to do this
thing i always wanted to do and
see it through
you have to be completely
childlike to believe you
could actually pull it off
i remember when i was a kid
i was dating
this girl i was 21 she was a really nice girl
her name was jennifer and she was a sweetheart
we were both really
young and really stupid
and you know she was just getting out of college and
i was a psychopath
and her father did not want
her hanging around
with me but she was like he’s trying to be a comedian
oh yeah what are the odds that he’s
gonna make it
like this kid is not gonna he’s
gonna be a loser
and i remember sitting and
thinking about
going wow i
never even considered that right
right yeah i just find
i’m just gonna do this man i’m just
gonna do this like i’m
gonna do it
what if you
what if you fail what if you do
what if you feel
maybe i don’t know
right now i got to just do this
i got a show on peabody
i got a fucking get some
gas in my tank
right i’m not thinking
about not doing it man i
might fuck up i
might fail yeah i’m terrified of being a
loser absolutely
but i’m not
gonna just sit here
dwell on it
i’m gonna go for it
most people would not
be a comedian
they want predictability in
their lives and they want
their lives to be
mapped out for them and it’s like i live
day to day i
literally live day to day
i literally get up and say what does
today offer this is
gonna be great you know
my girlfriend she’s a
sweetheart but she stresses
all the time
always sure
the sky is falling and all that and i have to tell
her fuck it
well we’re all built
designed engineered
by the universe in nature and our own personal
experiences
we’re all different we’re just fucking different and
you’re not supposed
to be a physicist you’re not supposed to be
teaching at harvard
you’re not supposed to be working on
a molecular
you know science and
breaking down the universe you’re not
i’m not supposed to be doing it either
i’m supposed to be a comedian i mean it’s really simple
i mean this is what my personality
gels the best with
and you know some peoples it’s the most terrifying
thing in the world
go on i mean
you know we got shows this weekend all in philadelphia
one of the wildest fucking towns
everything sold out in advance we’re
gonna go there
they’re gonna be fucking
crazy it’s me
joey diaz and ari were
gonna be in
helium and philly
for some people that
would be unbelievably terrifying
the idea that you’re
gonna go there there’s
gonna be this packed show of people
anticipating your material
wanting you to make them laugh
paying to see you talk and they’re gonna be
drinking that’s awesome
but to a lot of people that idea is horrifying
if you went to
any town hall
or town hall
what am i even talking
about go to
any store and take some guy who’s working behind the
counter you know is
a cashier and
say okay we were gonna
you got one day to come up with a
bunch of shit to say
and then you’re
gonna go on
stage in front of
these rabid animals
and some comedy club in philadelphia
that’d be the most terrifying
thing in the
world for you
i’m telling you
as i’m telling you you’re getting this big smile
you’re getting excited
oh man that
sounds like fun yeah look at you you’re thinking
about it but that’s the
thing it’s like yeah we were
you’re supposed to be doing i’ve
been doing this for so long that it’s like that’s super
exciting to me
and it’s like you know i’ll meet people
like they’ll hang out with you before your show or
something but you’re nervous i’m like what what about
about your show tonight and you don’t even
thinking it i won’t think
about my show till it’s time to go to the show
people do they don’t realize that you
would get nervous it was your
first time ever on
stage and you’d
never done it before
but once you do it a
bunch of times it becomes a
thing you do
you get excited
i mean but you make sure you do your preparation
and then you don’t get nervous yeah
granted there’s that flight or flight feeling
right before i go to
space butterflies to let me know i’m a
human and i’m alive
harnessed it and i take that adrenaline and make it
happy time instead of
and i think we talked
about last time that
adrenaline is what prevents you from farting sneezing
having to puke on stage
all those shut down
peeing and you just go
right into fight or flight
where you have to be
focus focus
focus focus
i’ve never had to stop a show
cause i had to pee
never had to pee
never had to poop
never had to
never i’m lactose intolerant
i could be up there
drinking milk and i won’t have to stop the show
everything shuts down
everything a strange way to make a living isn’t it
it is but it’s the only way i know in my entire
adult life and we’re all here
on this west coast
hanging on trying
to make it happen
trying to put that fucking
entertainment
thing together in the perfect way and
make all those fucking
pieces fall into
place and boom
leave your mark yeah
freddy lockhart
follow him on twitter
follow me on twitter f r e d d y not
ie like some fucking run of the mill
freddy douchebag
this is f r e d d y
l o c k h a r t
that’s freddy lockhart bitches
respect the greatest
morgan freeman and iced tea
impressionist in the
world yes how
about that nice
thank you thank you very much
i just said that that’s true that’s
true you’re a hundred percent you’re the number one
no one can fuck with you
we gotta do some gigs together man i like when
joe rogan says
these kind of
things we’re
gonna do some gigs together i’d like them we
gotta fish together
we’re gonna go fishing too we’re
gonna make it all happen
follow freddy
on twitter we’ll be back tomorrow same time
three o’clock
i don’t even know who the fuck are guests
i have to make some calls
we got sal’s
comedy also
tomorrow sal’s comedy hold tomorrow
night at 8 pm
friday night
show up and
i’m doing a lot of road gigs so i
might not be doing it for a
while after that this week
might be my last one because i can’t do next week
freddy’s gonna show up
and that’s it
flashlight if you go to joerogane
net and click the link
and you get 15
off if you enter in the code name rogan
and you get
beat off and save a little
money can i get my new
statement fuck yeah all right
please come out to
stand up scottsdale in
scottsdale arizona
april 21st and
22nd i’ll be headlining there
come out stand up scottsdale
go to standup
scottsdale com
powerful and do you have a website then go to
you have a website and go to freddylockart com
which will take you to my facebook page so
go to my facebook page it’s all on that on my fan page
powerful the
powerful freddy lockhart
as of today there was only a couple tickets left we
added a show
thursday night in
philly and helium
i don’t know
if they’re gone yet but if they’re not hop on it
so we’re there all weekend
thursday friday and saturday
everything else is sold out joey
diaz and ari shafir
it’s a full
death squad
minus brian
it’s gonna be here
shooting loads and taking pictures
and so we’ll see you guys tomorrow thank you very much
tuning in appreciate it love you bitches
thank you later