ladies and gentlemen joe rogan
experience podcast is brought to you by the flashlight
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this could have been a way better commercial
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the joe rogan experience
ladies and gentlemen before we even get started
our last podcast sucked
i’m gonna be honest with you
yeah that was nervous it
sucked so much that
after it was over i was like you know what
we might have lost a bunch of listeners
cause if i had just turned in this thing the first time
i’d be like what is this nonsense
nonsense fucking mish mash of of dumb talk
this is what we did
our friend daryl
was supposed to
be over the podcast and daryl’s an interesting guy he’s
a guy went to jail for
shooting a crackhead
and now he’s out there on the
grind as a stand up
comic and he’s a
young guy and i like
i like very
funny guy very
funny guy and i like interviewing
young guys that are coming
up and i just want to see what it’s like you know
i mean i i i
enjoy the stories i
enjoy like you know hearing about them
you know out there trying to get something together
there was a little bit
self defeating but
he’s a good guy and he’s
funny yeah he’s very funny
stand up comic
and he brought over his friend
and unfortunately i don’t
think his friend had ever done a podcast before
his friend didn’t know that he was
gonna do this one
and he went into like
performance on
stage get a
laugh mode or something
oh really like running bits kind of
thing well he was like
he was like
in the beginning it was like trying to like like
be like edgy
and like angry at
things that didn’t make any
sense like people asking him for
money and get on a bus and was like
it was this
weird thing
where like here’s what kills me man he just was like
it just did not work and
brian and i were high as fuck
and they were sober
and it was like this dumb talk
and then trying to like
smooth it off like hey hey everybody relax
and you know it was like an
inner monologue his
inner monologue didn’t work anything
he would normally
thought of when people were talking he was like in the
background going
because you always
remember saying
something so i had to turn down his
microphone half the time i don’t think he
understood how podcasts work and you know people think
when they do a podcast they
think like they have to get something in
you know it’s
like when you do it you like if you’re not
i’m not heard
i’m not doing my part
i’m gonna get my
stuff in i’m
gonna get my stuff in
i mean how many times have you ever done
radio with a
comic and they just like so like
it’s such a fake conversation
cause they’re just trying to shove in
their bits and
pretend they just notice
things and it’s like fucking kind of
gross that actually makes me shut down more too oh yeah
then i just kind of sit there and they’re like are you
gonna talk i’m like not really no
no this is already
a disaster yeah and that i almost felt like doing that
on the last podcast
and brian’s a good guy don’t don’t get me
wrong he just he wasn’t
ready for it and didn’t know he was
gonna do it yeah probably
doesn’t know the vibe of the podcast
and you know
just wanted to
just wanted to do well you know
and unfortunately
this was a cluster fuck
first of all four people on a podcast is
tough action anyway yeah
you know you have to have
the fourth person has to be very good at not chiming in
like i listen
to opie and anthony a lot i love opie and anthony but
sometimes they’ll have like five or six dudes in there
and it becomes a disaster
it becomes like
comics stepping on
comics and talking in the middle of
punch lines and
inserting their own
punch lines into someone else’s
story that’s when you pretty much have to just
play with the
microphones and go alright this person’s talking this
you know that’s what i had to do it was
it well you had to do it too because he
would talk like
while other people were talking
it was real
weird i cannot wait to listen to
he’s a good dude
he’s a good dude
so what would you do how
would you handle that you would be like hey man
i would be like if i was talking try to talk
right now so i would be like so
anyways i was talking anyways and then
yeah that’s what i call your microphone
brian’s got the master switch back
there bro i just had to oh i had
i had i was
listening and i was getting fucking heart palpitations
because it was too many people talking yeah
the stepping on yeah i had to tell them
i had to tell them you guys can’t talk over each
other like it was
wasn’t that good podcast and you know unfortunately it
could have been really interesting if
brian came excuse me if
daryl came by himself
cause daryl stories of a prisoner fucking weird man
you know i mean that guy stories
about everything yeah
that guy has some stories and it would it
could have been real interesting and i couldn’t get
him to get comfortable because his friend was sort of
it was just a
it was a big cluster fuck
so i apologize to anybody and i
normally i’m very good at controlling who comes on
you know i mean we’ve taken
a few chances before with
young comics like
little esther and
allison and allison and then we went
great it was fine
you know it’s it’s just
i just thought this kids trying to be a comic too
yeah he’s out
there doing it like fucking give him a shit
give him a shot sit
down maybe he’s cool
maybe he’s interesting yeah
just didn’t work out it’s probably just
nerves too right i mean
i could see someone
being really nervous
yeah it was a
bunch of shit
wasn’t prepared
he didn’t think he was
gonna do it all of a
sudden he’s doing it nerves
and maybe he’s not the
right kind of
comic for a podcast anyway
i mean you know there’s a lot of dudes who
like first of all you
wouldn’t want to see behind the curtain
you don’t want to see that like steven wright
would you want to see steven wright sit down and talk
about things no
who’d ruin his
whole act yeah
wouldn’t it yeah
it would totally ruin his
whole act because his whole
act is just weirdo
who thinks he’s strange
things yeah
it’s like when
you see have you talked to gilbert godfrey off stage
yeah and you’re like what
like he’s the
sweetest like oh really is he really
oh that’s funny
because when he does
stern he does
he’s gilbert
god he’s in he’s in character yeah he
never breaks
character ever yeah backstage though he’s just like
that’s very
sweet of you and i
really i’m looking
forward to doing that you’re like whoa really
like so he is the fucking
thing about cunts and then
you’re like what
it is a hundred
eighty degrees away from that complete opposite when
yeah when he gets up there man he’s such a strange act
you know bizarre
and hasn’t like he’s
never i don’t
think he’s ever
dropped that
you know facade
whatever a character
in front of anybody i mean
i’ve seen him on
television for what
twenty years or something more
yeah and like it’s never
and then i did caroline’s one time and he was
backstage and i was like oh i’m
sorry he’s like oh no that’s fine
like would you like something to
drink and i was like sure
like staring like
so so you’re normal
yeah and he was like i
think he was his wife was
about to have or the
girlfriends
about to have a baby
oh i’m sorry
you know what’s real
weird dude um
is when you get
comics like that and they become their act
you know like that happened with kinesin
that happened with dice
you know a lot of people don’t we’re
gonna try to get dice in the podcast i’m a big dice fan
i know dice from way back
but at one point in time
that dice man character was only a part of his act
his act was
he was andrew silverstein
and he would go on
stage and do all
these characters and then
the dice man was one of his characters that he would do
i had no idea he
would do a john travolta
impression he does a killer john travolta
impression he
does killer
impressions
so anyway he
would do this
and then he
would do his dice character but the dice character got
crushing laughs
and so he just
dropped everything else
fucked it fucked
everything off
put everything else aside
and just went straight dice man
and then he
sort of became that guy then like
when you see him he’s always wearing like this
crazy leather jacket
with like studs in it yeah yeah
fucking weightlifting
gloves i mean he is that guy
and talks like yeah fuck that shit know what
he gave me good advice man he was the
first guy you
should do the road
should do the road
like okay thank you yes yeah because you’re a good act
you should all be
dead doing the road
you sell five
t shirts each one yeah that’s
what he told me
we’re hanging out at the improv
this is hilarious he goes
yeah i sell
t shirts now
you know what i do
i auction them
i make them
i make them auction at the end
he goes and i have them up there
i might have ten
shirts that’s it
oh it was just
two thousand people
sorry ten shirts
how much you
wanna give me for we got an auction
yeah he goes i sell shirts a thousand
thousand and five hundred for a fucking
shirt i love it
he loves his laughing
he was doing shows where he would charge
at least a hundred dollars a ticket
yeah i heard about it at a comedy club
and sell them out
you know and it’s like i don’t
wanna do no big fucking room
it goes i do like this i make my money
that’s awesome a hundred dollars a
ticket to go to a club to see that that’s amazing it’s
worth it yeah i would go
if yeah if i had
the cash yeah if i had the cash and it was a hot date
you know taking some
check out i’m
gonna pay a hundred
bucks for dice tickets
dice and having a
great time yeah
he did it the
punchline atlanta i know he did it a few
other places too that is yeah
what’s his name also did that with the act though
right the persona was larry
because he was dan whitney
larry the cable guy he
would just do phone ins
right that was just the
phone in thing and then
he became his act and then he
started like five stations were like call in every week
as this cable guy
thing and he was like alright you do
here’s the fucking
thing about when he
doesn’t curse
right right
here’s the thing
about that yeah
and then in get her done and all that shit
and then they’re like keep keep calling in with that
every week and it just
build build
build he was like i’m just
gonna go on
stage like that and then
i think foxworthy
took him to be his opening act
really yeah jeff
oxford was like you can you be my opening act
and then everybody at that show was like
we went and wore that guy
with the sleeveless
shirt i want to see him that’s
funny man you know he
by the way we have you mentioned this is tom
sagura talking
about you that’s
right we just
started talking
everyone’s like who is this you
gotta check your ipod
who is this guy talking it’s family
yeah he became that guy his name is dan whitney
right yeah yeah from oklahoma
and he came i mean there’s you can go on youtube
and look up dan whitney
and he’s like wearing
white sneakers and khakis
and like a blue button down
shirt yeah i
mean like his regular
stand it back from like the evening at the improv
yeah looks like like early on
yeah and you’re like what that’s
larry the cable
he does arenas dude he does football
arenas massive
i mean you think dice is
crazy for charging 100 a ticket
i don’t know what they charge
those arenas but it’s probably
close to that 60 minutes did a piece
on larry the cable guy
couple years ago and his manager was like look
he will not
breathe on a microphone
for less than a
quarter million dollars
what that’s his
that’s the opening what
bid for like
larry to show up and be like get
the fuck and
then your mama and your cousins
right like that
he won’t do
sal’s will do
sal’s will do
sal’s comedy he’s not
gonna be at
sal’s ron white
would do sal’s yeah
i hung out with that guy run why we do sounds
everyone says that
i mean i don’t know him but everyone says that larry
dan whatever is
super nice so you know i don’t know what he does i bet
he is but money wise that dude is
killing it man
quarter million
quarter million
every time he tells a joke
that’s incredible it’s amazing with that redneck comedy
that how popular it is the
other what’s the
other guy that does it kind of like
bill ngel and
jeff foxworthy
right yeah or the guy that the comedy
store guy that got the dodge
commercials and the
henry john reap
yeah just from doing
those those commercials for whatever
he’s been selling out just because it like a
chevy commercial
yeah no it’s hemi
the hemi commercials yeah
thing i have got a hemi in it
right yeah yeah well
he does really well in a lot of markets
john reap does he’ll sell
yeah he seems like a guy who’s not
marketed correctly
like it seems like there’s so much potential in
that like why
doesn’t that guy have some big comedy
central special
why is it he does have a special
yeah when’s it coming out
i think it already did it already did
but how come that didn’t get huge that
should be huge
that’s more the question
and i think that guy
should be more of like a well
known name yeah
yeah he’s been around a long time now yeah
so it’s quite
weird when you see like
these larry the
cable guy type
guys and not you know not many meaning to
focus entirely on him but
he’s playing a poor guy
right you know
right he’s playing
a guy you know who’s like oh i’m just simple
yeah yeah it’s not even
every man it’s
below every yeah
yeah he’s playing
poor man with
who doesn’t even have
sleeves right
you know i can’t buy a full
shirt man yeah he’s
buying he’s wearing
a shirt that has its
sleeves cut off
his armpit hairs
flowing out
i’m assuming that one ripped
and then he said well i’ll just cut them off both up
right here i don’t care i’m an easy
going guy yeah meanwhile
he won’t even tell a joke for a
less than a
quarter of a million dollars yeah yeah
it’s weird man you know numbers like this like this is
where people get into that
weird socialism argument i had a
discussion online and i had
i had to just walk away from the
the computer because it was a
ridiculous discussion
where this guy was like no one
should make
an exorbitant
amount of money ever
no matter what you do you should
never be able to make an exorbitant amount of
money because that’s
where greed comes from that’s
stupid well
his idea was that there
should be a
threshold and you couldn’t go over that threshold
so everything you did was
virtuous if you did
art you did it for the sake of art if you did
work it was because it’s your chosen
profession it’s what you love
to do and you don’t make any more than a certain amount
because when people get too much money
and too much
power it it it
it becomes out of control
and it it starts to be unfair
and that’s why people look like this
larry the cable guy
thing and you go well
this guy is doing
like he’s got to be making more than a
quarter million dollars when he does a football
arena oh yeah i bet he’s making like a half a million
probably i think you’re
right yeah i mean
he does football stadiums like 50 000 people man so
for some people that are out there
clawing and scratching
they see something like that and they
go that’s not fair that’s too much in one direction
it may move too much in that
direction that’s the argument for socialism yeah
i see that guy’s
point to a degree but it’s a very generalized
statement it’s also a very
idealistic way of viewing things
you can also argue that
having a lot of money
gives you the freedom to do
other things that you
wanna do and open new doors and opportunities
and provide opportunities for
other people
yeah will they have a lot of
trickle down economic
sure i mean
you can fund
other things you
know if you’re a guy with a lot of money
i’m really interested in
you know it
could be something from the arts it
could be from the environment it
could be science i want to fund this and you are doing
that because you’ve accumulated so much wealth right
pete johansson was on here
once and his argument was that when people get too much
money that what happens is
it breeds like a
class of elitists
it breeds like a class that
like he didn’t even believe in inheritance money
he’s like you
wouldn’t you
shouldn’t be able to get all your like if your
grandparents die and
leave you ten million
bucks you don’t get that
didn’t think she
had that that’s crazy yeah
he’s crazy but
but it’s that that
same attitude that looks at people that are doing well
and and go well this
system’s fucked up
i do think there’s something to be said
i do think there’s something to be said
about inheriting
extraordinary wealth really i do think
i mean i’m not saying there
should be a rule or law about it
but i do think
if you inherit
and i’m saying like
you inherit
50 100 million like
these really
extraordinary amounts of money
that that can
definitely and probably
do always will have an
effect of like
you may not go
after the thing that really inspires you your passion
and you might not ever get a
sense of accomplishment because
really the real
world and your
dreams and stuff are
scary in a lot of ways and
going after them can be a
scary thing
if you have the comfort of like
dude i have two hundred million dollars
that my grandfather who
started gum
or whatever you know
fucking left me
then you can
i mean you can buy a
great house
you can take
great trips you can
live on your yacht and
you can just be like dude life is awesome and that’s
great but what
would your life have been
if you had a time machine
and there was a guy that you really hated but he was
super successful
best thing you
could ever do to him and have a
clear conscience
is to make him win the lottery when he was
twenty one yeah
yeah yeah so
you just won the lottery ha ha ha
he’s like yeah man i’m a winner i just won the lottery
no you don’t
you just lost at life because you won the lottery
totally that’s the true that’s that really would
like if i look back i play the lottery a
bunch of times
when i was a kid if i
had hit it and i had actually won like a couple million
bucks or something
yeah i would have been a
loser for sure yeah
i would have missed the
whole purpose of the
whole thing
i think i think so i
think i would have totally
been a total disaster if i’m 21
yeah yeah i almost have actually i know i have more
like sympathy for a lot of
these athletes
they turn like they get
drafted and
their basketball football players
and they blow
it’s like they don’t know what the fuck is
going on man they’re
they turn twenty
and they got here’s a thirty
eight million dollar contract or whatever for you
yeah and then you hear like they blew it it’s like well
that dude has never had
more than a hundred dollars in his pocket before
he has no idea how to manage money
he has no idea what to do with money
like he’s just like everybody can have
money i got so much
money like this
but at least his
money came from something that
he did yeah
but they just don’t i mean i feel like a lot of
those athletes have no
yeah they don’t control
no and not only that
they’re you know you’re living off your body
which breaks
which breaks yeah it
breaks all the time you’re running and
bouncing around on shit falling down and
you can get hurt man they just show this uh you ever
watch real sports on hbo
sure yeah it’s really well done yeah it’s
great and they had this profile on
these football players
oh my god some of them were
in the league like thirteen years and they’re bankrupt
like no no money
all gone and the profile was financial
and they i mean he’s got one of the guys was a
like a defensive tackle for i don’t know how many teams
just had multiple
million dollar contracts
we know the
other issue is
those guys getting concussions
all the time that is terrible for your your ability to
think yeah your ability to make rational decisions and
you know concussions like they just did this one
thing on real
sports where they were talking
about lou gehrig’s disease
well apparently lou
garrick had been
knocked out like a gang at times like he
lou gehrig’s disease you say well it’s just some
weird disease that this poor guy got
you know he was a baseball player and they
loved him so they
named it after him
no he didn’t just get it
he got it from playing
sports he got it from getting hit with pitches
and colliding
with people sliding into bases and getting knocked
unconscious oh yeah he got
knocked unconscious like a gang at times and
he would just go
right back into the game
and that’s where lou gehrig’s disease come from
when you have any sort of
when you have like
some severe brain
trauma when
your brain rattles around you get knocked
unconscious apparently
what it does is it produces like
whatever the fuck
it does it eventually leads to a deterioration to the
point where your
whole body like shakes
and you don’t have control of
things and your body just stops functioning
right it just
breaks down
and which would happen in lou
garing that’s actually what stephen
hawking says
really yeah he is
hawking yeah he has lou gehrig’s disease
but it doesn’t
does it can it be hereditary
does yeah it
could but they don’t know i mean he
actually was a boxer when he was younger too
there was a
lot of soccer
or did he play soccer one of
those soccer
is actually very bad he was a boxer if i was a boxer he
might have been a boxer
but it could have been from that and it
could have also been from soccer
yeah people forget
like they don’t
think of soccer like you can get
crushed in soccer they run into each
other a lot and they
all say they’re in the head sometimes you know
that ball the impact over and over again of
using your head on the ball
it seems like nothing
cause it’s just a ball but apparently
over time you know
they’re practicing that all the time and
they that had your heads a fucking weapon
you you’re taking shots man you getting tagged you know
i think in luke eric’s era like
there was no
batting helmets either you had
this leather
stupid hat you would wear
looking at yeah
it’s just like
ninety miles an hour you know
every ball had
a rock in the center of it tied around with a rope
you know that’s
incredible yeah
i mean what are
those fucking baseballs made out of
it’s a ball of of
of string what do you
think of that nfl argument they said
like when this
stuff when they really profiled it this year
a lot you know all the people were leading with the
crown it’s called
right the top of your head
right and so
people were like that is like a fucking missile
come yeah it’s a guy who runs like a four
three who weighs like two
twenty five going
and then just launching it into you
so like what can we do what can we do
and a bunch of people were like why don’t we go back to
like 1940 style
no face mask
no face mask that way
you will have
the incentive
is there like
the fear of like that’s how they played
right they played for years with no face mask
so you’re not
gonna risk your face
you’re gonna tackle the way you’re supposed to tackle
right and not
ruin your entire face it’s football is a tricky
thing man because you can’t un brutalitize it
right i mean i mean it’s a brutal fucking game
yeah these guys are huge the biggest
scariest athletes in the
world they’re running
full clip at each
other and smashing into each
other that’s just inherently violent yeah that’s true
it’s like what are you
gonna do you
gonna make it
slightly less violent by them not having a face cage
or you know or i’ve
heard the argument too that they
should be playing without helmets like rugby
players yeah
in a rugby player rugby is
apparently less dangerous
but the problem with that is once you already
start playing with helmets on
there’s a style of play totally
this tag you
can’t you’re not
gonna change the way you play
boxers found that out when they
first started
fighting in mma
it’s harder to
fight bare knuckle
it’s trickier because when you’re boxing if you have
those padded gloves on
you can fuck
up and hit the guy on the top of the head and it
doesn’t matter it’s not
going to hurt your hands
but a good punch to the top of the head
might break your hand it’s very possible to
break your hand
when you’re
punching a guy with bare
knuckles you want to make sure you’re getting his face
you want the soft
tissue around
the face and jaw that’s in your eye his eyes his nose
his jaw’s face you don’t
wanna be hitting him up here
you can break
things and so
they had to adjust
their style
know guys had to realize that you know
you can’t have your
hands up the same way either because there’s no padding
right you can’t just block
punches like that you have to like really cover up
and you know
you have to you can’t play rope
a dope like ali
style you got
to get out of there you take too much damage with
those little
gloves on yeah
so they would have they
would have to be some sort of adjustment period but it
wouldn’t be football anymore
yeah that’s true
they took those helmets off
a lot of those boxers though they thought
they really thought that they
had it right they were like well i’ll just go in the
yeah mms dude man he’s
got no hands we’re
going in showing some hands
you don’t get a chance to show hands
guys who have
never grappled
literally have no idea how helpless they are
and the helpless feeling they get is so disheartening
cause they’re so fucking helpless
that they don’t
wanna roll that’s what happens with a lot of
strikers a lot of
strikers they get into the game
as you know they come in i’m
a four time muay thai
champion looking to fuck some people up in mma
and they’re like you’re a bad
motherfucker come on in
take our wrestling class
boom over and over again
boom there’s no way he can stay off
of his back this guy just gets launched through the air
every time a
wrestler wants to
he gets a single turns
the corner bang he’s on his back he cannot stop it
and then he goes in a jiu jitsu
class what happens there
strangulation
over and over
again he’s getting manhandled guys are like taking
breaks with
their knee on the
belly relaxing
cause they have him pinned down he
bucks and kicks and moves and then just take his back
choke him and tap him four five six times
it’s humiliating
and that’s not who he is who
he is is a bad
motherfucker
right so there’s like a there’s a
graveyard full of
fighters that never
learned how to get over
their ego and
learn how to grapple
yeah the whole shitload of them
they just decided they’re just
gonna sprawl
i’m just gonna develop a good sprawl and i’m
never gonna really
learn jujitsu
and they just
never they never
could deal with getting tapped out
sure you know so all
these guys man
you know it’s
the whole idea of
fighting in and of itself the idea of you know
going in there and and and fucking
taking over another man with your body
you know it’s
gonna become a
point in time with that just like football it’s
gonna be too brutal
for for where we are now
yeah you know what
i mean i mean we we’re the more we find out too yeah
like the more we discover like no this is directly
correlated to that yes yeah
eventually i mean
right now they’re both great
but a thousand years from now or
whatever the next
level of humanity is
we were clearly
human beings are evolving
i mean there was an
article that i had read
just yesterday i believe it was
and it’s all about
human our dna is mutating as we
speak we’re developing
twelve strands of dna
you know there’s this there’s all sorts of fucking
crazy evidence that’s
going on right now
there’s like some
child that was born with an
extra strand of dna and it’s a terrible
birth defect poor kids all fucked up
but you know
the idea of
of evolution and the idea of mutations is that
sometimes a mutation is good and it
sticks and then
things move forward and that’s
literally how
things have gone
from being simple
organisms to being complex organisms like us
well as we get more and more complex man we’re gonna
there’s a lot of shit that we like
right now that we’re
gonna abandon
you know and football and
mma and you
know race car driving and shit
we’re gonna be like whoa whoa whoa
what the fuck are you doing
so like people
there’s that argument now like i’ve
heard people like
you know that are
upset about mma
and you know i’ve
read criticisms
about me online because i’m involved in this
oh sure but i
think in this
world that we’re living
right now in this this life in this
existence it’s okay
this so this
existence it’s not really it’s
this is what it is you know yeah
it’s not the
whole thing is
chaos it could
would it be different man if we didn’t have mma
if we didn’t have football does it make society more
aggressive and more violent
i don’t necessarily
think so i think
if anything the way we are
right now so
close to monkeys i
think it’s a release for us i
think it helps us get it out of our
system without
going to war i mean
if you look at like
human history like just
10 000 years ago is a tiny
blink of an eye
but 10 000 years ago
there was nothing but barbarians
there was nothing but
savages there was nothing i mean
we were basically cavemen
that’s just a
blink of an eye
and throughout history all the
brave heart years and all the
there’s just war man the
roman empire the
greek empire
the the the the fucking
cretes the the
the persians there’s there was so much war
going on man it was constant war yeah
and you know now
for the most part
things are pretty
civil except
weird things that we do in
other countries
where you know the wars are going on
where we ship people over there to
fight them yeah but in our society
things are like way safer
way calmer than
they’ve ever been before yeah we’re pretty
civil sophisticated
especially considering that time
gabby that you’re talking
about yeah i mean
we have a brutal
brutal history i’m saying as just
human beings
to each other
dude like the way that
just the way that that
fighting was done or even
150 years ago i mean you’re talking fucking jabbing
bayonets and the people gutting them open like
it’s just a brutal way of
like that’s not
compassion for the person you’re
fighting you know what i mean like
now it’s all
about kill shot kill shot kill shot
there was a
someone tweeted me something
about the the
the end of the
civil war was recently
and the guy said that two percent of the
population died
wow wow two percent
yeah that’s incredible
yeah that’s amazing
stop and think about that
that’s fucking nuts man yeah
and the way they died
is just so awful i mean most of
those guys got shots died and slowly bled out yeah
horrible fucking infections are taking
place and you’re not dying
it’s like i watch this
anthony bourdain
special and
not special his show that no reservation is
one of my favorite shows i love that show
and one of them he was in arkansas
they were talking
about how many murders happened
after the civil war was over
because people
would say you know they
would recognize on this
motherfucker killed my brother
because like
the north and the
south like right next door
his fucking
you know you
drive a hundred
miles there’s
where the enemy lives you know
and so these people were like
settling scores
like for years and years
afterwards i
never thought
about that yeah
they’re still
severely you would know
about it my brother died in like
greenville south carolina
or whatever and at that time they’re like there’s
there’s five hundred people or whatever you know like
you just ask questions
like yeah no shit no tony
oh yeah he’s over there
i’ll go handle that shit
what a fucking
weird war when you having a war
that’s like
north korea versus
south korea
i mean that’s a fucking
crazy place
right now man
they’re looking at each
other across this you know yeah this divide
yeah and they hate each
other and they look exactly the same yeah same people
yeah i mean
it’s nuts and one of them is run by a complete
total fucking psychopath
total maniac man
how great was that team america
that they did
did kim jong il
little fucking
you breaking my balls
you breaking my balls man my balls fucking giant
glasses on says the guy hans why you breaking my balls
you imagine
man just shitty roll the dice you’re born in
north korea oh it’s the
worst i think
about that shitty roll the dice all the time yeah
oh my god do you mean
think about even
in living in
being born in botswana right
yeah botswana
one in four people
no excuse me one in five
one in five
twenty percent of the population
is hiv positive
wow that’s insane
and you just you did nothing but just
you were born there and that’s your
you know what i’ve
heard though
when in relationship
to aids in africa you know there are always statistics
about how many people get aids in africa
that a lot of it is not even tested it’s just
their t cells hit a certain
month they don’t even test for hiv antibodies because
those tests are very expensive
and that a lot of what they call
aids is just people that are incredibly malnourished
and sick oh really so yeah and
the argument was was an
article online that
if people are
gonna call it aids and connect it to hiv
that there needs to be more stringent testing
because otherwise
you’re confusing people as to why this one area where
just coincidentally has an incredibly low
nutrition rate means people people are malnourished
that sick yeah
all sorts of
other diseases and pathogens and
you know poop
fly poop all
kinds of shit that fucks with you over there yeah and
a lot of people are really sick i mean it’s a
super unhealthy
place to be oh my god yeah
yeah it’s a malaria
everybody you know fucking malaria
larry is a little
problem got
george clooney
how about yeah
that’s right yeah we almost lost almost lost george
well if you get
lyme disease
that shit stays with you forever forever man you
never cured you
never cured
right and i don’t
think there’s a vaccine is there a vaccine for
lyme disease
i don’t think so
i think you get it you’re fucked it’s just one of
those things man
and malaria he must have had his malaria shot
right everybody gets malaria
shot before they go you have to get a
bunch of them
you can’t just get one
you have to get a few
yeah george
dave foley was on the podcast and we had a
story about dave and he didn’t even remember it because
that poor fuck when he was getting divorced
he was married to this crazy
broad who decided to take her kids all over the world
to try to torture him so when he was working
he would have to you know call bangladesh
and she was there and then he’d have to fucking fly to
egypt and she was there he’d have to
fly over the
world to meet his kids
oh my god yeah and so you had to take malaria
medication well you’re not supposed to
drink when you take malaria medication
and he took malaria
medication it
affects different people in different ways and he went
fucking loco
i think he day
fully nicest
calmest sanest guy ever like super
super sweet
i had to keep him from attacking a producer
like physically attack him i had to hold him in
place he was
going to attack somebody
and i was thinking what i was
doing like man of all the fucking people i thought that
would be stopping from hurting somebody
i was thinking
if dave wanted to hurt somebody i’d be wanting
i’d be i’d have his back you know i’d be jumping in too
yeah there’s somebody who
got dave so mad sure dave
wants to assault him
boy that guy has to be a real
piece of shit yeah he was just
whacked on a malaria
menace and you
didn’t know it at the time oh i knew yeah you did know
okay yeah i knew there was something really
wrong he was just acting
completely crazy
he took these reporters
microphone the reporter
asked him for a
quote about news
radio and he
grabbed his little tape recorder and
stuffed it into his drink
to shove it into his
drink he goes there’s your fucking
quote wow yeah
he was a fully
against that
he didn’t even has no recollection this he
might as well been
under a witch’s spell
i mean so great
he didn’t have any idea what was happening
that stuff fucking wax you out man
because i think
the way i don’t know the way malaria
vaccinations go but with most vaccinations you know
you have to you’re getting a little bit of the inner
you know disease yeah
right yeah i mean if you get
vaccinated for smallpox
i mean isn’t isn’t that how it works when you get
vaccinated for the flu
i know that’s how it works oh
all vaccinations yeah you’re
taking like a strand of that is that always the case
i believe so
for vaccinations that’s the only way that you’re
it’s tricking
your system
into developing an immunity
for it i think so yeah that’s why i like when they
would when they
would do the big
thing you know
what is it like 70 80 years ago
was polio right
right and they
would give people inadvertently
polio when giving them the vaccination sometimes yeah
sure what percentage
oh very small
but it would happen and you were taking that risk and i
guess you do
take that risk with
every vaccination
really no i don’t
think so i think
so i think that’s
why they’re filled with mercury and all sorts of
other shit really
i remember when that h1n1 vaccination
was out some
people get sick from the well they were just like
hey by the way like
right before you get it like this isn’t 100
i mean it’s up to you you want to make sure you
definitely well
no vaccination i
think is 100
but also what it does is it weakens your immune
system a bit
because it makes your immune
system fight
things off and then you’re vulnerable to
other things that aren’t protected by that vaccination
that’s also possible
the human immune
system is pretty fucking badass when you
think about it
but what’s really
weird is that
you don’t think about
what these colds really are it’s like there’s a wars
going on is like when you’re sick or calm
down on the
floor you’re
dying right
you’re in a battle to stay
alive right now because you’re losing your health
and that sniffles and coughing
it seems like
no big deal because you’ve been there before and you’re
going to be fine
but the reality is
it’s a fight
you’re having your organism is having a
fight against a team
your team is trying to take your body down yeah
it’s really
kinda creepy when you
think about
it man you know that like you can only there’s all
these strands of colds
and you only get
one of those strands each strand one time
really when you get a cold
and you get a cold like the next year
you’re getting a different strand
of that cold
really that’s
weird so you
defeat a cold
and you won’t get that cold again
but there’s
hundreds of strands
of the cold
and that’s why
there’s no like that’s why the common cold like
there is no yeah there’s hundreds of strands of that
but it’s always you know that your immune
system is compromised in the
first place
right like if
there’s a hundred people that get exposed the same
thing usually
it’s a hundred of them that get it oh yeah you’re
right yeah yeah
and a hundred
of them won’t get it it’s fascinating yeah
it totally is and i
think it’s fascinating like how
we don’t even i don’t know i
never question a lot of times what i’m taking
to fight stuff you know
antibiotics
oh my god antibiotic
any type of
medicine you
gotta be real
careful about antibiotics you know
do you take the full when you take them do you take
the full ride like if it says 10 days you don’t quit
after five days do you no i mean i used to but now
everybody used to
yeah i used to
yeah that’s the
worst thing you
could ever do man let’s just take the full
thing not take
it not take it not take it
yeah because that’s when those
superbacteries rise
cause just like we
fight off immune
system our immune system
fights off colds yeah
well bacteria are the same way they
fight off anti
you know um
medication is trying
to to kill them
so when you um when you
what is this the type of
medication that you give you what was it
like what we call
the zpag exactly
yeah when you have those
apparently they get used to it
right so if like if you like for five days so you
take it for five days and then at the end of five days
you like yeah fuck
these e packs man i’m feeling pretty good i don’t like
those things give me the creeps
but when you put
those aside
the stuff that didn’t die becomes like
supercharged oh and then
if you try to hit it with the z pack it’s like bitch i
have that shit
oh wow yeah it survives it yeah
so the idea of being
ten days of antibiotics is that
you know when you get through all those
things like
everything that shouldn’t be there dead yeah
and including a lot of the good
stuff good stuff yeah you can like your
your endurance is terrible when you’re on
antibiotics antibiotics
really bad man i took antibiotics because i had
staff yeah and
i was the staff was gone it was only like some little
prickly things on my legs
yeah and i was like it wasn’t like a big
issue it’s very
small but within
two three days i
would go to
the gym you know and i couldn’t do shit yeah i
couldn’t do shit i was just exhausted it was like i was
drunk like i was hungover yeah
you know just
breaks your whole
system down it fucks you up
yeah and you have to take
stuff you have to take probiotics to
counteract it you know i didn’t know that
yeah yeah that you’re supposed to you
but they’re supposed to tell you that you
should take acidopolis
you know drink yeah
drink milk eat
yogurt anything
where you have milk
culture acidove
was healthy bacteria
there’s a bunch of different kinds of healthy bacteria
dude this is the
first year in the years
where i got a cold
and i just let my body
naturally beat it like over
ten days oh really
yeah i’ve never done that
what do you usually do i go
right to the doctor like give me some pills give me
something to take
care of this
like i hate i use i had
such bad allergies as a kid like
especially as a
teenager when we
lived in florida
and i would get like
horrible sinus infections
and it makes me
just it’s so miserable
not like it’s more miserable
than anybody else’s but like i just feel so miserable
that whenever i get like some type of sinus
thing going on i’m like i
gotta cure this somehow
but this year i just
went through the
whole process and it was like i’m getting
worse i’m getting
worse i feel like shit and then
you kind of
you know you make
the turn then you’re like i feel a little better today
and eventually
just by drinking tons of fluid
and you know
vitamin c or whatever just
taking care of myself sleeping
ten days it took me to beat a cold
so for normal a cold you
would go to
a doctor for a cold oh yeah if if i if i have a sinus
like clogged and i’m like
there’s any like
color at all in my mucus
dude i call her
hey can you see me
right now like can i come in
right now wow yeah you
sound like a
pussy yeah i am
i am i’m a big old
pussy i don’t
i don’t i just i always was just like if
i was always told like if you have
color in it like
yeah it’s an infection yeah so i’d see a little bit of
color and i’m
like i’m gone i’m like i’m taking care of this
do you take vitamins and even
everything never
i should right
nah do you take a lot about you take
yeah yeah yeah vitamins are good for you man you’re not
gonna get enough for your
unless you’re super diligent
about your diet
you’re not gonna get what you need from your food
you just not
it’s gonna make a big difference
there’s a shit called
pepsi ac that it used to take a lot that’s for
what is it like for like heartburn
stomach acid and
stuff like that and recently for the last couple
months it’s just been gone
and so like there’s this whole weird thing
about it where
there johnson and johnson
saying that there was a couple packages during the
during the manufacturing that were punctured by mistake
and they had to
do a mystery or they had to pull all the packages you
know recall
but it’s been months
and people are like not buying it because
you know if something happens and use it like that it’s
cold but you know they make it and it’s
throwing back out
so then i was talking to this
other person
whose doctor said that it’s been
if you take
pepsi to see it
blocks something
important like
what’s a potassium or something fucked up
i’ve been trying to find it online i don’t know what it
blocks but they were saying like
no they found out it did something
really fucked up and so they pulled it from the shelves
i personally have not been able to find it for like
three months
you can’t find well what did they say in that
article what does it say it does
well this article i’m reading now is saying
serious disappearance of pepsi desi
complete and it talks
about like what they are saying to recall
but then they’re also saying dude something’s not
right somebody’s fibbing
about this whole
thing and there’s like this
whole conspiracy
about pepsi desi
so i don’t know what the whole
story is but
i’ve been hearing
things left and right
and i know if they had a manufacturing problem
it’s not gonna be
gone for three
months peps a day’s
eve is like it’s a lot of
money they’re losing yeah
how long do you
think they can
keep up that though if there’s something up
right you know
you can’t what are you doing over there well i guess
sorry i guess
what i guess
i guess i was
reading something i
guess johnson
and johnson do this phantom recalls all the time
where they actually hire people to go into
stores and buy all this shit
you know that’s in a
store like they’ll hire
companies to go into a
store and buy everything
oh as opposed
to doing a public recall
it’s called a phantom recall that’s
whoa that is some gangster fucking crazy
shit whoa i
never heard of that
before that
should be illegal that
definitely should be illegal
hey politicians
these same fuckheads that made
online poker
put down all
those sites this week
unbelievable
you fucking incompetent cunts
the fact that
those bankers are running around
after i watch that inside job
movie i’ve been
crazy for the last month
the bankers are
running around with hundreds of millions of dollars in
bonuses for banks that failed
but yeah let’s go
after people playing poker
you know there’s a lot of people thousands of them
in this country that played online poker for a living
that are fucked down yeah
yeah i know it’s insane man it’s
crazy fucking criminal and
do you know
about this um i forget the the
exact terminology but do you know that
like we obviously we have this horrible deficit
right and it’s insane i don’t even
understand it it’s so massive
do you know that like a bunch of
corporations all the major ones
they do this
thing and somebody will probably find it like
it’s called like the irish
some irish loophole like
irish is in the term somewhere
will they if you funnel it through it’s
legal it’s totally legal
if you set this up
then you don’t pay
taxes on that money
what and if they just made that
that practice
like not legal then
all of each of
these massive
companies would be
obligated to pay
billions more than they do
but because this
thing is set up and they go
it’s legal you can do it
there’s no objection to it
they just what is this called
irish some irish loop
tax if you type in irish
tax loop well
you know general electric
you know the
story the uproar
about general electric general electric made
who knows how many fucking billion dollars fourteen
point two billion
in profits in two thousand ten they paid
zero in taxes
that’s amazing it’s insane
doesn’t make any
sense and then
we go like well how can we how can we get
money to pay like
why don’t i’m not even saying to
to rip them off how
about just making them pay whatever
the minimum is for
you know in
taxes for that kind of problem here’s what’s really
crazy this is
where it’s really criminal the ceo
of general electric this guy
named jeffrey immelt
i m m e l t
he advises the president on business oh yeah
like what the fuck
this is insane these
these fucking people this is what gets really crazy
these fucking people that are involved in regulation
and this is what you
learn from that
movie inside job
from matt taiibis articles
these people that are involved in in
in regulating all these
these you know
trust funds and
these these
bankers and all this
all this corporate bullshit that’s going on
they eventually get jobs working in that industry yeah
which is incredible yeah that
whole documentary shows you all
those people that you’re like what like they’re all the
right hand men to the
the presidents and
then when they’re done
serving the public
they go to be lobbyists
who for corporations that will pay them
crazy money who they can now really use the inside
connections
that they have from having been in public do you
understand lobbyists do you
understand how that works
i mean on a very
basic level
and i wouldn’t say that i’m
yeah me too
it’s one of
those things
where i don’t even look into it because it makes me
upset i look and i go it sounds
so like the
basic description just
sounds so creepy
and you know
manipulative and illegal
it’s hard to believe that it’s legal
it’s just the
weirdest fucking loophole in the
system ever if
you pay these people yeah and you
look the ufc has had to deal with a lot of
lobbyists in trying to make mma
legal and i’ve had some conversations with dana
white where dana
white you know
pulled me aside he goes if you fuck this is
exact words
if you knew how this fucking
system really worked
you’d want to jump out a window yeah
if you knew how corrupt it really is
it’s fucking nuts
and it’s nuts and it’s everyone
you know most people are ignorant
about it they don’t understand
i mean me and you i mean we’re talking
about we’re here complaining
about lobbyists
i mean if i had to give
a speech right now on what a
lobbyist is
you know sound a little clunky
check this out from 2007 to
2010 just google alone
save 3 1 billion
in taxes by using the double
irish tax loophole
which is it takes its profits
through ireland
and then through the netherlands and then off to a
haven in bermuda
and it saved it
goes down to its foreign tax rate down to two
point three
percent that’s it’s
basically saying like they’re getting the tax benefit
of like not being an american company is
essentially what it
sounds like it’s called double
irish or dutch sandwich it’s in
do you realize that’s three
billion dollars that
essentially they should have paid in
taxes yeah that
we’re saying you don’t have to because you funneled it
and it’s totally legal and
google is one of
hundreds of companies that do this
dude that’s
basically the solution
like in it in
to our deficit is like
no it’s not that there’s not i know
but it’s like it’s a huge yeah
should be something yeah
microsoft’s also done it it says
facebook is moving in this direction also
and apple oracle ibm they all do it
that’s a lot of money the
system is so fucking corrupt
that’s a lot of
money i don’t what is the fix
how do you fix
something that’s so it’s entangled in bullshit
like the whole
foundation of the financial system
that we operate
under the whole
foundation is
bullshit it’s all
i mean it’s not even based like
money’s not even
based on a thing anymore
it used to be
your dollar was supposed to represent a dollar’s
worth of gold now it’s just like
confidence you know
what how do you how do you fuck do you fix this
it’s it’s like you said the
system is such bullshit it’s almost like fixing
the political
system like
you had any
faith in politics
you know i mean then you you get
older and you kind of
you hear the same
thing you’re like oh this is all
a huge bullshit
show you know
common sense laws
there needs to be a guy
going seriously this is bullshit
i know it’s a law but fuck you google pay us this
money you know there has to be like a common
sense law where it’s
voted by just ten normal guys going
yeah that’s fucked up
you know what i mean yeah
that the thing is the reason
that these things
become law and you go that’s impossible that’s legal
is because somebody has worked
to essentially pay off in in
in a way like i’ll give you
these benefits if you make this
legal and then
a politician
we who legally goes goes
about making that practice
legal you know i mean like it
common sense tells you that shouldn’t be legal
but enough people
surround these guys and
here’s the incentives
that you’ll get from this there’s some incentive
going back to them
and then you make this illegal thing
it’s crazy man
it’s crazy but if you
could fit what do you do to fix it
i mean look
obviously there has to be some sort of financial
system there has to be some sort of a
system of government that runs us
how the fuck this
how would you fix this thing
you would you
would almost need
like somebody
who had extraordinary wealth and power
to be like i’m gonna
to go about
things like i’m not
about making
it easier for my
my level to get more rich and
powerful i’m gonna
i have a good
conscience i’m gonna do
what’s right
which is like
becomes a fairy tale
clean house
and they would
shoot that guy
right in his fat
stupid head sure they would
and then they
would have an orgy in money
didn’t you use his
blood and they
would pour down the
mouth of hookers
while they bang him in the ass yeah
chop their heads off and go bowling with them
once he was dead they
would go crazy they
would come over so yeah they
gotta be dead immediately didn’t i what were you saying
like i had kind of like this
i was sort of
almost fantasizing in a way
when obama was
gonna take office i was like this is like
a different
this is gonna be a new thing
i thought it was kind of awesome it’s the first time
i actually registered
to vote for during the elections i
never voted
in like before that yeah
and you know i mean
the reality is that you go oh
no it’s the same like they
were always the same
practices he’s played more golf
in one term in his
three years
than bush had in
eight years
maybe bush wasn’t golfer
i think one of the big criticisms
here’s one of the
things that i fucking hate here’s one of the
things that i hate
all these democrats that aren’t saying a fucking word
about us going to afghanistan
us bombing libya and us
you know all the
crazy shit that we’re doing overseas
they would be
screaming bloody
murder if there was a republican in office
people would be losing
their fucking mind of course they
would be calling him a killer they’d be
camping out on his lawn
but because of the fact that he’s a
black guy and
because he’s a democrat for some reason people are
disappointed
but they’re not
speaking up it’s all
about empire
is in in motion
it’s all playing
those teams man that’s been
like that’s what this
this presidency made me realize is that it’s just
you know he’s
gonna say whatever he’s
gonna say his
everyone who’s on in his
party is gonna support it
and that i i hate equally
the bullshit criticism you always hear
from another
party no matter what choice is made
right whatever he said that day like
of course president is just full of it
again the russians
of the world man like this is
here we go again with a dog and pony show and
there’s always yeah and
people love to have an
ideology that’s easy to follow
you know people love to have
you know like a megadios rush
megadidos you
know like you’re a part of this
whole thing you
think a certain way you
smoke a cigar you
play golf you do
rush limbaugh type shit
there’s something appealing
about that a
lot of people
so these fucking cunts you know that’s how they make
their living they make
their living appealing to a weakness in
human nature
to wanna be a part of a pack
that whole world is so depressing to me
to be like the
the talking head like
rush limbaugh
or and culture
like that whole
world is like oh fuck and
culture depresses the shit out of oh my god man you
sold hawk looking
evil cunt she’s a she’s a horrible horrible
human being with
you i don’t
understand how so many good people like her
like bill maher likes her my friend and
culture like
whoa what do your friend is responsible for
putting out so much negative energy hatred
yeah hatred
and negative energy and yeah
you know and it’s just
in the way she does it it’s like she’s a professional
troll you know she says a
bunch of shit that she
doesn’t even really
believe just to try to get attention that’s the thing
and then that becomes so depressing that you’re like
oh you figured out that like if you say
really awful shit
it’ll grab headlines
and then you go
instead of like
going back to what you
think you go i’ll just say more awful
shit like yeah well the kids who have
cancer love having cancer and you’re like what like
what kind of
crazy shit are you talking
about she’s
just saying that yeah just to get a headline
yeah i mean i
think once you make a million
bucks enough to keep doing that stupid
if you don’t have anything else to say then you know
then you’re useless you’re in the way take some time to
write something meaningful
come back speaking
of horrible shit and writing something meaningful
tommy buns got in
trouble in melbourne australia oh yeah
tommy buns was
over there for the melbourne comedy festival
yeah and when we
tommy and i did sydney
um two years ago it’s about two
years yeah it was o nine yeah
what a fuck
great time we had there
that was goddamn
good town shut that shit down shut that shit down
we went into a bar
we got there
two days early
right so we didn’t have the show the first day
we got there
we went to the
movies that was all good went to the
apple store that was fun
and then someone
along with let’s just go get fucked up
let’s get fucked up and we decided like we decided
which is go get fucking
smashed yeah so we pulled up to this bar
we went to this bar and i just
started buying shots for everybody i spent
thousands of
dollars just buying shots he says everybody i mean
literally every
human being
is in like a fucking five
block radius i was high
five and people
you want in on this you want in on this come on
motherfucker
no yeah they
loved it man we had a
great time yeah
it was fun for
hours and hours we were
laughing and
fucking dancing and singing and doing shots
blitzkrieg the next day
that was very hard to do the show the next day oh yeah
my head was a
sponge i bet yeah that was
rough and not to mention
we would go to like
first of all you have
the jet lag the craziness of flying over there yeah
we stay out till like
six or seven in the morning
and then the next day he had to be somewhere
maybe weigh ins or something
a few hours
later a few
hours later
and then we did the same
thing after the show
yes we’re eating
street food and it was fucking
great though we had a great time
so anyway when we get there
tommy we’re
laughing and
we have the breast trip on the plane uh
i don’t remember
maybe well either
way by the time this rolled around by time showtime
rolled around we were fucked
okay and tommy
starts laughing
about how there’s so so many
white people here and then he comes up with this joke
yeah he does the joke on
stage what is the joke the joke is
basically that the flight is so long
that i thought i had died like
the flight goes on so long i was like i
think i’m dead feels fake yeah feels fake like how
could you still be fine i
think i’m dead and i
asked joe or am i dead
he’s like no you’re not dead
then we walked off the plane
i saw all these
white people and i was like well if i’m dead at
least i know i’m in heaven
and and the
crowd was totally
into it too you know and it’s a pretty like it’s
i don’t know it’s a joke that i
would never
think you have to explain to somebody like
like you get the joke
right like it’s not
right so crazy that you like what
what do you mean like you know it’s it’s pretty
black people
that’s the joke right so
you know anyways i
i did we did the show in
sydney i’m back a year
later i open with the same joke
right except i don’t say joe
cause you’re not there that
would be weird
but i i do the joke
people laugh
it gets a good response
and then i do a
second joke and this joke is definitely
harsher haha
but but no but i
think you the
okay the the next joke was that
uh unlike the
other yanks they were
gonna see i’ve prepared myself
for my time in australia by
immersing myself in your
culture before i got here
so i’ve been
drinking fosters
i’ve been going to outback
steakhouse for authentic
australian cuisine
and i’ve been talking to mexican people
i said i think mexicans are our equivalent
of aboriginals well they
drink a lot and they’re
super lazy is that the
right thing
just like that right
everybody’s like that that gets more of like a ooh
which when i did a version of that at your show it got
an applause
break that like was like ten
seconds long
okay like a
crazy applause
crowds different crowds but
regardless the joke there is not
that i’m like it’s not me saying something mean it’s
the joke is i know that’s your opinion of them
that’s the joke
right right like
it only makes
sense because i know
as white australians that’s what you guys say
about aboriginals that’s the joke
right like that’s how that works right so
anyways it gets like a oh kind of like that’s
crazy and then
right away whatever back to the set
everything goes fine
great crowds
i get off stage
and we have like a
like a festival
show like a handler who like works for the staff
and she’s like hey can i talk to you
like for a second and i’m like
yeah she’s like so
that was pretty
crazy and i was like
what was pretty crazy
like i don’t know what you’re talking
about she’s like
the aboriginal thing
whoa i was like
are you serious
right now she’s like yeah
like that’s a very
sensitive subject here
and i was like yeah
i mean i figured
i figured as much and she’s like well
you know like you
could really divide the room and i’m like
yeah like i know how jokes work
you know like i i i know exactly what i’m
what went on there and like
like i got like a boot or something you know like it’s
it’s pretty
standard to do a joke like this she’s like well
if you could
you know i don’t know if you
want to keep doing that and i’m like are you serious
right now like this is like the first time
there’s somebody
i feel like i’m explaining myself for a joke
since like high school
like when high
school when a
teacher how old
was this chick that you were talking to
older than me
in thirties
and like late 30s
maybe and was she just like
super liberal
yeah and i could tell that she it
was coming she was like reporting
for like a higher up that became kind of clear
and i was like
like you know
when you’re not in comedy
or something and you say something like that then
you kind of have to explain yourself like you’re like
yeah sorry like
you know i mean
like you like that’s just how we talk or something
but like i’m at a show i was just on
stage i wasn’t buying a
drink at the
mall yeah it’s a joke like
that was i thought that was over and they’re like well
if you could uh
it would be
great if you
didn’t do that joke and i was like are you serious
right now and they’re like yeah and i was like
i was like you know i know
how to do these like there’s an inherent
risk in saying
a race joke
but like you know
there’s like
a tension moment and then if you have a joke
like that’s the
punch line like people
understand that
it’s a joke
like 99 of people
have done jokes way
harsher than that and people don’t go
why’d you say that like that
you understand in the context
of performing
it’s a joke
right so i’m like
alright uh yeah i
guess i mean i didn’t that
night i was just like you know i didn’t even say that i
wouldn’t do it
again i was just like yeah no
you know i’ll think
about it and they were like uh
okay and then
afterwards i see the
the festival people
and i can tell
that they’re like
they’re not
happy with me
but you can just tell if you by reading body language
like they’re just kind of
flicking you off they’re just kind now they’re just
kind of like
hey and then they see the
other people like hey what’s up
like to the people on my show and i was like
hey they’re mad at me
and they’re like also they’re
going out of the way to
be nicer to people around yeah
right in front of me
right in front of you and i was like this is
weird like i’ve done
clubs obviously
where like they
might not be a hundred percent
on they might not be fancy
but they always
have like your back you know they’re like
right say whatever you want like you’re a comic
these people were like
you know just kind of like looking down and like just
blatantly letting me know that like
not on board with what you’re doing
right now and i was like this is crazy
so the next day i go and like we’re
about to do the show and they’re like ah that’s
great so you’re not
gonna do that joke
right wait a
minute all that’s
great that’s how she
starts off the no just just like just like hey how’s it
going um my
great like so you thought
about like not doing that joke
i was like look
i won’t do the joke
tonight okay i’m
gonna do a different
opening and i’ll just do a different
different series of jokes
and they’re like okay
and then when i get off
stage they’re like
that’s so great and we’re so
glad that you’ve
dropped it from your set
and i’m like
i didn’t make the
agreement i just
didn’t do it on this show we have ten more shows to go
but they were like no no no it’s great
that you’re done with it
we’re so glad
that you’re done with it and i was like really
then there was
a newspaper
article after the
first show did you
bring it yeah that’s we got
right there yeah there’s a
but like this just shows you like how the different i
think there’s a huge difference between
like what we’re used to seeing
comics say and do on stage
especially regarding race i feel like race is like
even though
every country has
their own issues with race
we’re way more comfortable
in comedy clubs
with comics doing race
as a subject matter you know we’re around it
some guys are really like
harsh with it but the actual topic is
like more open here
so the day after the
first show this guy wrote
tomsker opened with some essentially racist material
with which he
might have been deliberately attempting to offend
if the audience was offended they soon forgave him
blah blah blah some have topics were hacky um
what was hacky the
midget gag he wrote yeah
then he goes but he has a
nasty edge rarely seen in australia
so you’re like all right
then he further
comments in the comment section of his own
article like
yeah he’s still doing um i hope i’ve
heard that he
may not be doing the bigoted material anymore
and i’m just like
the guy clearly
didn’t get like
that either of
those were jokes
like they took them yeah but you saying
like it’s a joke
and that all of a
sudden that forgives you from the sentiment of the
statement you know i mean just because it’s a joke
doesn’t mean it’s
still not offensive it is a joke
you you is still offensive it can
still be offensive
but i think that
he also didn’t understand
that the joke really is more like
every comic that i told it to there was like you
should keep doing that joke
every and then i
spoke to like friends of mine that were
locals that are not comics
and told them like
the one about lazy and they’re like oh that’s so
true that’s so true because that’s what we all say that
about them it’s more like they’re not
accepting the fact
i mean not the audience that the
staff was more not accepting the fact
that i’m saying something
that is true and that that
could hurt feelings
but it’s true
like you’re
well you’re saying true in that they’re lazy no
not that they’re lazy
but that’s the
reason yeah
right but it’s that’s also a very
racist perception because you
did if you know the history this is
i didn’t know this
until i did um rudy hill
when i did the
last shows that we did in australia the woman
who worked for the booking agent
explained to me why people are so sensitive
about aborigines
they used to
steal their babies
used to take their babies from them and make them
raise them with
white families
steal their fucking children to try to incorporate them
because these people were not adapting to the
australian way of life
that the white people were living
and then like
these poor people they don’t
know what the fuck they’re doing so they went and took
their babies man
they did this shit for years
these poor fucking people grew up without
their own children
that’s horrifying it’s terrifying yeah
but it’s like they’re just like american indians in the
way that you know american indians being displaced by
you know the
white man moving in
and taking over the old ways of life what they do they
wound up being defeated and drunk and
i mean that’s like the
classic stereotype of american indian
being drunk and
angry well that’s exactly what’s
going on with
these aboriginal
people yeah but i’m not arguing that like
it’s anything
other than the fact that they’re trying to tell me
that i’m just
being racist
like i’m like
that’s the part that i take
issue i’m not taking
issue with any other part
of that not that it’s you know you
should laugh at it or that it’s
funny or that it’s
insightful but
the fact is
that they’re getting upset
that i’m saying something
about their perception
of their own people
and they’re
you’re saying it is if it’s a
whole country like they all have that perception like
it’s like saying the mexican
so us but yet to me i
might not have any problem with mexicans or i
think they’re lazy but you’re saying is
problem is that is it’s a
widely held perception
and they’re not acknowledging
that i’m offended
when they’re
talking that with me
just because no no i
don’t necessarily
agree with that because i
think even though
it’s not that they don’t acknowledge it they don’t
agree with it
they don’t think it’s something that you
should be talking about
and picking on
those people
you know i could see their
point of view man i really
i mean i kind well
it’s a joke i know it’s a joke it made me
laugh i thought it was
funny when you said it
look i don’t mind
offensive jokes i like them i think
they’re funny
i mean i love
i love guys that say shit
that i know they don’t even believe but they just say
norton is a perfect example
that half of his act is
horrible insulting you know
racist or not i
should say racist
it’s not really racist
but it’s that it’s horribly insulting shit but
i know that’s what he’s doing but i take
issue with the fact
that i’m being that
they’re sort of
classifying this as what i said
as the equivalent of
uh you know an in no
brand don’t bother shutting that door
while you flush the toilets it’s fine to
break through the
microphone to be interesting
there’s a background noise
they’re qualifying what i’m saying as
as like the
equivalent of
hey here’s a
here’s a racist
like internet joke like i’m shitting on them
but i do feel like
that the joke
is really more
about i i don’t i’m not saying you can’t you do not
agree with the
with my perception of it but the
the joke is that
it’s not that i’m
using i’m actually being making the joke
on the mexican person that’s not fair to them
but the equivalent i’m saying is you guys
think that of
aboriginals and you can say that well not all of us do
but it’s a widely held
perspective
among white australian
right okay how is that any different than doing a
black people or lazy joke
um how is it any different than
black people yeah cause
mexicans don’t have
feelings how is it how is it any different like
you know what what you’re saying is you’re
implying that
these people are lazy
right like i’m trying
not trying to
break down the material but if someone
said a really
racist joke
about black people about
black people being lazy and welfare and this and that
it’s basically the same
thing it’s a
racist joke and it will appeal to some people it
doesn’t mean that it’s a widely held belief
it’s just that
it’s acknowledged that there’s a lot of people that
do feel that way and if you say some really fucked up
racist joke
there’s a certain percentage of the
population is
gonna laugh at that
how is that any different
than making fun of
these aboriginal people
well i mean again like
in the joke that i said
i’m saying that like i
spoke to mexicans i
think they’re like aboriginals well they
drink a lot
and they’re super lazy
cause i know
that’s your
right in my mind that’s your perception of them right
so it’s more like i’m highlighting to you
some true perception of them
right but for me
i’m saying that like
that’s the truth that i see in you
about those people
so i don’t see it as
i guess in my mind i’m not seeing it as
hey i’m calling them
lazy and drunk
i’m saying i know that you call them lazy and
drunk well look
here’s here’s my point i
i think it’s
funny and i think you
should keep saying it because
guess what a
lot of them are fucking lazy and a lot of them are
drunk right
they think it’s sad
and they think it’s it’s
racist because
these people are downtrodden
and it’s really fucked up situation and they’re
right too they’re
right too but they’re also like hey don’t joke
about that thing that we
feel bad about
right is kind of what what i’m being
is what i feel like and then
well the other the
second part to this is that
like five days later
the same guy who
reviewed me
that first night
wrote an article
called racism
or political correctness gone mad
and it’s an article
where he writes
he’s like he
starts off talking
about an episode
oh well he says
i can’t hide from this relationship
it’s my responsibility to deal with it i mean
what kind of man
would i be if i ran off now
well you’d be a black man
that’s the answer
and it’s from an episode of the family guy
so he starts writing that
like the joke is like stewie’s like saying you know
if you left now what
would you be i’d be
black like a guy that
doesn’t take care of his kids
right so that was the joke and then he
starts examining
like that type of material and then
he brings up
yours truly
by saying um
he’s like i came to mind last week when the
time secret open the show by declaring how
great it was to be in melbourne
because there are so many
white people here
which is not what i said i said it was like heaven
and then he
went on to making a joke comparing aborigines
and mexicans
which i won’t repeat here
and then he says
the audience gasped but
still seem to
enjoy the rest of his set
where he ranted against
stupid people about
what surprised
me the most was that a couple audience members i
spoke to afterwards had
completely forgotten forgotten
about the opening mind
opening line
because they
apparently didn’t
hold on to that as much as he wanted them to
but to his mind
i was deliberately trying to
shock the audience from the outset
i don’t believe he’s actually
racist but i
think he was doing something
that’s considered fine on the us comedy circuit
so are we too sensitive here in australia
jokes on race are probably the last remaining
taboo in australian comedy
it’s a free for all for pretty much any
other thing pedophiles incest jokes
and then his own take is that
in some parts of the us namely new york and california
they seem to move into a post political correctness era
while milk america is
still stuck in pre
political correctness
um and he also
goes on to talk about
the right to free speech
and playing
a part and aren’t doing this but i don’t really think
that writer
sounds like a
moron yeah i don’t
think that’s accurate at all
but i do think that
the article at least
asked the question that i kind of wanted
the other people
like on the
staff to ask
which was like
are we being
hypersensitive to something like i
clearly touch the
nerve in a few people that work there
with that joke if you can’t
touch nerves in comedy then what are you
doing you’re taking that you’re taking so much off the
table if you can’t
touch nerves i
think so too it’s like saying i
wanna go see a
movie but i want no violence and no sex
please tell a nice
story yeah it’s called
ready g you mean
look you know i
enjoy a good violent
movie right
and rappers have had this argument
for years like how is what they’re doing different than
the movie scarface
yeah you know they
they’re not providing fictional
entertainment that’s what they’re saying
they’re saying they’re providing
entertainment
they’re giving you an outlet for this kind of shit
you know and
and it’s just look man
especially when you got a couple of
drinks in you
some inappropriate
you know ridiculous
off colour jokes are hilarious sure
yeah what’s
wrong with that kind of
entertainment it’s what makes me
laugh it’s like i mean and i
gotta say like i don’t just do
race material but i always do
something usually like involving race
like it’s just part of something that i always find
inherently interesting
and funny and
i usually i feel like
the context of it being in a joke though does make it
somewhat different like i joke
about it on
stage i joke
about it on twitter
i joke about it in real life
and there is a line and there’s definitely
a hateful line i feel like and a line
i mean it’s everyone’s own line
it’s subjective
but i just feel like that
there is a place
to say well like
that these are jokes
do you feel like as you get more
famous and more
known for your comedy that
maybe you’re
gonna have more of a responsibility to balance it out
yeah like you’ll have like a
black joke but you better have some
white people jokes in there too oh yeah
well the thing that i’ve
found the most is that
when i go out and i do like a full show full hour show
i’ve never had anybody
really say anything
cause usually what people say is like
hey when you shit on whatever
i would have gotten mad but you give it out so evenly
like i feel like you know
you made fun of
mexicans in yourself too
and myself so they’re like
yeah you made fun of
everything therefore it’s cool
if you do a
shorter set
you’re much more like
i mean you think
about it we were only doing
twenty minute sets
in this thing
the twenty minute set
those two jokes that i told you
uh one of them i mean the
white with the
white people
one is like it’s it blows my mind that somebody
would be offended by that like that they really
couldn’t get that that’s a joke but
those two things took 45
seconds to tell
and they still
stood out this is
again i don’t
think that it’s not
that they can’t tell that it’s a joke it’s just they
think that the sentiment is mean yeah
no that comes across to me
yeah racism
doesn’t exist
for one but do you
think do you
think this is something that terrei
told us last week
not for tickling player
do you think if you
would have done the jokes you
would have been
fired from the tour
if what if you
would have continued
to do the jokes all ten shows do you
think you would have been
fired from oh dude
listen the the way
the thing that
stood out to me the most isn’t even this article
or or anybody’s review or anything
it’s that that that
that staff was
so disapproving
of what i had said well there are
two types big time
the festival people
yeah i mean rt
festival type people man that’s that’s always
gonna be something
to answer your question
yes i think
i would have been
asked to leave
that’s a fucking
comedy festivals are a hard time to man because you
never know what they’re into the people that they
might be into alternative comedy and they
might think that
you know the type of
stuff you’re doing is too crass or too mainstream and
you know a lot
of people who are comedy nerds like really and i mean
it’s like people who are only into the pixies yeah i
mean if i’m in your car you put on the pixies i’m
gonna go what
the fuck is this and why are you making me listen to it
you know what i mean what you’re too cool
for the doors
yeah yeah you’re too cool for
would you have done this
continue to do
the joke so they
would have said the same
thing to you i
wouldn’t have done the joke in the
first place
it’s not my
style of comedy
right i would have done
it i would have done something different
and if i felt like i liked it yes
yeah i would have done it yeah for sure
and there’s a lot of people that i like
that have jokes that i
laugh at but i
wouldn’t do that’s one of them
have you recently
had a club or anything tell you like hey
we don’t want that
that shit no way
after you move
tickets dude
you sell tickets
like hey you want to jerk off
i’m not causing
riots yeah no one’s
lighting the
tables on fire they don’t care but
it’s been a long time
since i had anybody mitzishaw
was the last person to tell me not to do a joke really
yeah it was a joke
and nicole smith
i used to do this joke
about anna cole
smith’s husband
yeah hilarious
cause she married this
one my closing bits
yeah cause she
married this billionaire
and everybody was like oh it’s so terrible
like she’s just
using it for his
money and like don’t you
think he fucking knows that
this guy made a billion dollars from scratch
chances are he’s a tad
crafty yeah
this whole bit about
him getting her to do the most ruthless shit for her
money like you
know because he was just
dying on his
deathbed and mitzi
did not like
it because he was an old man and she’s an old woman
she just didn’t like the
idea of old being so disgusting she’s like that joke’s
terrible you
gotta stop doing that joke
i go minty it kills it’s my closing
bitch goes i don’t like it don’t do it
she literally told me not to do it did you not do it
again i didn’t do it when she was in the room yeah
you know she was there
you know i don’t have to do it
i used it as an exercise it’s alright good i’ll
close with something else because she’s here
for the record i love aboriginal people
for the record i have no idea what they are
no i should tell you this though because this
sounds like you know the
whole story of australia it’s really fascinating
it is a fascinating story it’s
about them being a prison it is
yeah that’s a
story it’s an amazing beautiful country
but only along the coast the center is
really the center is just poisonous
snakes and fucking crocodiles and
it’s an enormous geographic
country if you look at the size of it right
right 20 million people live in australia wow
really it’s a continent right yeah it’s a continent
yeah yeah i mean it’s really a country but it’s
enormous yeah
yeah it’s huge but it’s all people around
the edges so there’s nothing in the middle there’s
no deaf deaf
but anyway these
these aboriginal people were there
first and when the americans or the english rather
when they sent over their
their prisoners
you know then
these you know
these new people integrated
it’s really fascinating when you there be like
you look at all
these incredible
buildings like
this all started off with some fucking
poor people on some boats
yeah you know some poor shithead some outcasts
you know sent out of england and they
yeah to a way better spot yeah
way better than england
i mean what were they
thinking man they sent people to something
the weather is
gorgeous the views are incredible it’s beautiful
i mean england is just fucking dour
and grey and
rainy in seattle and
yeah no you go there
isn’t australia have like the most
strip clubs per
capita or whatever like there’s tons of
strip club i
gotta tell you this though
the people there
are awesome and i’m not just
saying like
the i mean on the
streets wherever you go everybody is canadian like like
super helpful
very friendly yeah
yeah and they
the audiences
like you know from doing the audiences
we did like
twelve thirteen shows
amazing like they were
literally just
the best audiences you
could ask for
yeah was every
night every
night was just like
holy shit that was fucking awesome
yeah every show
like that every show
really great
sydney you’ve only been there
twice but both times are fucking incredible
this is in in
again it’s not just
going there and and you know
not even just a show just the people in general yeah
white people they’re great haha
australia is pretty
sweet it’s a nice spot it’s a it’s one of those few
places outside the united
states where i would think
about living really yeah
yeah it’s just some fucking
crazy nuclear meltdown here in america somebody
launches off a dirty bomb
you know you can do
look arge bark is counted over there in australia he is
fucking christ dane cook over there
yeah he’s their version of dane cook he was doing uh
i got to hang
out with him a couple times he’s doing like
the thing about that festival is you do like a run
right like you do
this many two weeks that we did two weeks
and there was two
other and there was another show that
replaced ours from the remaining two weeks arg does
like the month he does the
whole festival
fifteen hundred seater
like twenty five shows in a row
with like a day off like twice
and that’s incredibles out like
fifteen hundred seater
that make like
twenty five times in a row
that’s incredible that’s amazing
yeah he just hit over there somehow or another he’s
huge i mean then you see him on like on the
plane when you’re
watching movies on the way it’s orange
parker comedy specials yeah i saw that yeah you see him
in if you’re in your room you turn on the tv see arch
it’s amazing how a guy
would just become
super popular in another country like that yeah
eddie if does really well in australia he
does yeah but it fucking bites him in the ass man he
doesn’t like it
he doesn’t like not that he
doesn’t do well over there he loves that
but that he’s
for some reason he’s not like that over here
right like it drives him
crazy sure you know so he’s over here now he’s
spending a lot of time over here trying to put he’s a
funny guy totally yeah you know but
i think it’s fascinating fascinating
that jim jeffries
right super
funny massive
in the uk massive in the uk
big here does
really well does a lot of you know sells out
venues all the time
doesn’t even go to australia
which is his home country
and he he did
they told me he did a gala they do this gala
a big show to launch the festival
so they do is they have like
twenty eight comics
everybody has
three minutes and they broadcast it nationally
like like a
quarter of the
population of the country sees this
this gala event
and jim did one
where he did
he just did a
three minute
thing and his opening joke was
about like how he got in the car with a girl
and the girl was like
hold on one second
i can make a
phone call she
calls she’s like hey yeah i’m taking this guy
home what was your name
again he was like it’s jim jeffrey she’s like
i was jim jeffries
so if anything happens to me jim jeffries
jim jeffries okay
and she’s like
sorry just had to do that because i don’t
really know you and he goes well that’s fine it’s just
gonna make this rape a little awkward
that was like the joke or some something
along those lines the
place went like
silent like fucking
deathly silent
and then they were like
totally turned off by him
and he had like a terrible run
and he just
doesn’t even go back
to australia
from one show
i don’t know if it’s just that
i’m saying i
think he had a bad he’s got a
complex he’s got a bit of a complex
cause i was talking on
where at the improv
and he’s like i can’t even fucking sell tickets
in australia he was really mad yeah i was really mad i
think i mean a lot of that has to be the fact that he’s
oddly enough more
successful in the bigger markets
like uk united
states he’s bigger so what the
australians don’t like him for that you
think i i don’t know what it is but i i think
maybe now like if he
he’s become more of a name outside he can go back
and do well
but i just find it interesting that like
that’s clearly the third
market in that tier
in that group
and you would
think that like
a guy who’s had the
success that he’s had is
really huge in the uk
and like you know it’s a
pretty big name here
that he doesn’t go back
can’t go back there who the fuck knows what people like
you know it’s probably the
whole usa is
super cool thing too
going on you know like
where you have like an american person
going to the australia that’s what’s popular
about it because
they’re american
you know american comic
you know kind
of like how japanese people like levi’s you know
it’s not because
levi’s is awesome it’s like american
i wonder because arg lives there now
yeah you know
he like moved
down you know
tommy wake up
sorry you motherfucker
was reading something you keep doing that that just
twice brutal sorry
tommy tommy
come on now we’re in the middle of
breaking down the arj
barker scenario
arj barker i think that
jeffries is hilarious but he’s
funny dude maybe
they find him embarrassing over there
really it’s too much of what they are
maybe they don’t like it you
know mirror on themselves russell
peters or not
russell peter
what’s the guy that’s
married to katy
perry russell
brand is russell
brand big in the uk
yeah yeah yeah yeah he does like the o2
arena you want to see some bad stand up
watch his dvd
oh really oh
pretty bad oh
he’s gonna open my
car i couldn’t believe it i mean repeating
punch lines and shit like you already said that
yeah and wasn’t a good one in the
first place like
punchlines that were like
right out of like
some evening of the improv sketch
which is not good comedy man
he’s a great actor he’s really
funny and he’s a
funny actor
i loved him in that
sarah marshall
yeah he was
great in that that’s the problem
that’s every character is that character you know
that’s what i hate
about it like
every movie he’s in it’s the
exact same character
you think he’s the same in
every movie
ninety percent of the
movies you like
love it love the character yeah
me too yeah
i don’t mind him i don’t
mind of being the same guys if he’s really awesome at
yeah he’s awesome no
clit eastwood how many times did you play the same guy
hundred he’s awesome at it yeah
doesn’t bother
me yeah that russell
brown guy’s awesome at
it he’s hilarious
yeah stand up sucks a bag of dicks though ooh
i heard his book is awesome really really yeah
he’s got stories that’s the guy who has fucking stories
yeah yeah he’s
quite a character
yeah you know
i don’t i don’t know what the fuck it is man between
americans liking english people and english people
liking americans is it just something different i
guess it is right yeah
you always look at the
grass is always
greener you know do you are you a big fan of british
comics no no not me but music
music you do i like a lot of british
music yeah yeah
but like british comics
doesn’t work with me for some reason it
doesn’t it doesn’t hit there’s there’s something
about i don’t know
i can’t break it down
but there’s just something that like the
majority of british
comics just don’t
even though like this guy is fucking amazing just
doesn’t what
about british comedy shows
there have been some
fantastic ones i
think that i
still think that
the british office
is just like
perfect television yeah
amazing my favorite
british comedian is jeremy
clarkson and he’s not even comedian
oh really guys hilarious he’s the guy who’s the
the guy on top gear
oh yeah the main guy on top gear yeah fucking hilarious
he’s really
funny that’s
funny that’s the guy that reviewed you no
that’s the guy
no i had to
i think that’s the name right
yeah that’s who they used
they compared me to him
really because
he says a lot of rude shit he said that shit
about mexicans on his show
you heard what he said what do you say
about mexicans on his show oh yeah
they got in
big trouble big trouble
what happened they said they were reviewing a car and i
guess the car
was yet to be
made or something and like it’s coming it’s
gonna be from mexico
and he was like well
i’m sure that car will be like a real
piece of shit
because you know mexicans just sit around they’re
super drunk
um and they don’t really do anything so that car
will probably be just like that people like oh my god
and like mexican consulate was like
you need we’re
gonna fucking pull our
embassy out of there like you guys need to apologize
that’s hilarious
i support you jeremy
sensitive yeah wow
i mean his was
it was kind of i
think it was like kind of went on a little bit
right like he kind of hit the
point a few more times this weekend i was in solvain
which is north of
santa barbara it’s like a wine country and there was no
black people there like none zero
and we were talking
about the whole weekend how
crazy we were
actually trying to play a game to try to find the
first black person there
and we’re just
sitting there in our car and we’re kind of buzzed and
stuff and suddenly this
black guy just
knocks on my door i’m like oh shit here it goes
what the fuck why is he
knocking on my window and he goes
excuse me you have a tree branch
under your tire let
me get this for you
i’m like oh thanks
so freaked out
wow you’re a mess
you don’t see him for a
while yeah yeah pop out and
knock on the window this is what jeremy
clarkson said
about mexicans in his column
mexico doesn’t have an
olympic team because anyone who
could run jump or swim is already across the border
but what did he say on that show
you got this out there
says there yeah but here’s some fucking wack ass shit
some comedian attacked them
some comedian named
steve coogan
you know he’s a big british
comic is he
yeah yeah he attacked them
calling them a
bully because of what they said
about mexico
that’s weak shit
right there this is one
other thing i
gotta tell you
this is and this i feel like is a hundred percent true
that’s an example of it it’s only
white people that are ever offended for people
like i’ve said offensive
things at shows before
that in my mind whatever
it’s in the context of the joke or whatever and like
the same joke that a
black guy has hugged me for i’m
gonna give you a fucking hug
after the show
that shit was hilarious man
i’ve had white people
uh approach me
right so you can say jokes
about white people but
black people won’t get offended at you saying
those jokes
about white people
but if you say jokes
about black people
white people will get offended
right if you say jokes about
black people
white people will get offended for them and that same
black person or mexican person whomever
was will be like that was a
funny joke maybe
maybe some one or two
right but the point is
you can’t you
could say a joke
about white people yeah
black people
never come up
to you and go that you’re fucked up oh you
should have
never done that
never never
never yeah tricky
right and most of the time though when you do jokes
about race so it is
a minority person
that is not offended by it
right like that
that applauds it in some way like
whatever that
here’s that you know i got the joke i like the joke
white people though
love to tell you how offended they are
for that group
you know i’m so i’m so
that that’s not okay like really
you’re telling me that
you have some
vested interest in
defending a
group that you are not a part of
you’re gonna you’re offended for
this steve coogan guy
annoys the fuck out of me
what do you say this is what he says the lads talking
about jeremy
clark’s jeremy
clarkson and james may
and richard hammond on the show who
they’re funny guys man they say funny shit
and they shit on each
other they call each
other idiots and imbeciles all the time
like you know jeremy
clarkson was driving a car like look at him he’s
basically a baboon
you know like they’re constantly shitting on each other
that’s the show
so this is what this moron says
this is this
this coogan
crap character who just
called him a bully
he said the lads have this strange notion
that if they are being offensive it bestows upon them
a kind of anti establishment aura of coolness
in fact like
their leather jackets and
jeans it’s uber conservative
which isn’t cool
the fuck are you talking about
what you you’re saying what’s cool and not cool
first of all shut up
stupid yeah
you know you’re you’re
telling people what’s cool and what’s not cool cause
anti establishment because they
they like to be offensive
they like to be offensive
cause it’s funny
stupid yeah
that’s a whole
thing and if you’re not offensive you’re
not offensive at all yeah i bet you’re not funny yeah
i bet you’re not i bet if this is what you’re attacking
a funny joke
about mexican
swimmers jumpers and fucking runners
you’re gonna
write an article
about this to defend mexico
you fucking shit bag
it’s also like inappropriateness
is why is is what’s
funny you know all
the time yeah of course i enjoy it
i enjoy it and i’m a nice person
but i enjoy a good mexican joke
but just like i
enjoy a good
white people joke
yeah you know look if you got some
funny shit to say
about anybody
yeah come on with it anything is cool you know
calling someone a
bully he’s a
stupid looking fuck took look at them
and the picture says unimpressed
steve coogan
oh no i know i’m unimpressed with you dummy
getting mad at jeremy
clarkson you fuck he’s the
greatest fucking export you people have ever had
jealous he is jealous
he’s trying to get attention and he got it he
got it from everybody including me i’m a fool i played
right into his hand
god damn it he knows what he was doing
i just man i
have a real hard time with anybody who has like mock
anger you know yeah
mock upset you know
i got into a real fucking serious like almost i got a
fight with this bartender in new york once
because he was trying to
pretend to this woman
you know that he was like some
super fucking defender feminist
sort of a guy
and it was about
oj simpson you know they were talking
about oj simpson
and you know and
we were sitting around
talking and it was me and the waitress were talking
and the bartender kind of chimed in and cock blocked
to shut me down
but you know she
was saying how well he beat the shit out of his wife
i go well i go he was
he did something
where they had a restraining order
against him
i go but that
doesn’t mean anything when people are
breaking up people do nutty shit
yeah you never know
and then so the fucking bartender comes over
leans over the bar like he’s
scolding me
and said he pleaded
no contest do you
understand what that means
that means he beats women
and he did it like out of nowhere like we
weren’t even having a conversation
all i’m saying
is that sometimes when relationships go bad man
people accuse people of all kinds of
crazy shit to get custody of the kids to get more
money to get
you know to put the balance of
power on their side and when it comes to
the legal proceedings
that’s all i was saying was that like yeah
you never know what the fuck’s
going on with two people
break up cause i’ve seen some naughty shit myself
this motherfucker
leaned over the counter
to like to scold me
to be captain save a hoe in
front of this girl
i was like wow
if you’re really
upset at you know at me over this like
there has to be something else
i have must have done something to you before
which i hadn’t i
never even saw the guy
or your captain save a hoe
you’re that asshole that’s what you’re
gonna do you’re
gonna pretend that you’re really
super sensitive and cool and that’s why
people like you yeah
yeah that that that
being super sensitive
is not helping anybody man
that shit ain’t helping anybody i
i actually kind of subscribed to the idea too that like
there is i don’t really believe in
at least comics
being offended by
things like
finding things offensive in jokes like on stage
i i i have a kind of a problem with like
like you know there was a joke there where like
somebody told another joke
about like a separate
thing but the person was like i
wouldn’t be cool with that and i was like
well you’re
essentially when you say that you’re saying like
everything else is cool you can talk
about all these
other things
but you can’t talk
about that i
think it’s more uncomfortable with fat jokes
just because it seems like that
cause you’re fat
well no because
i’ve seen people in the audience
no no i mean
cause i have i have fat jokes and
i say i feel uncomfortable saying it is what i’m saying
yeah because
cause there’s
i’ve been in audiences before
where i’ve seen
the audience just sit there and just like hold
their head like they’re fucking sad
because they’re thinking
about how fat they are
oh right yeah
you’re a lot of shit on fat people way too easy
yeah i mean it’s a
it’s obviously
their own fault
cause they’re the one who
ate the food
right but still
you know you’re you’re
still it’s like
how is it any different than shitting on poor people
yeah that’s sort of
their fault too
right they have been
alive on this
earth x amount of years it’s
their job to accumulate enough
money to not be poor yeah
but yeah you know you shit on poor people it’s very
very poor taste you know it
feels awful
you know but you shit on fat people it’s like
they’re both people who have you know
been in a bad circumstance and made bad decisions
probably you know but yeah fat people
are they don’t nobody backs them up
yeah i i don’t like doing it i
guess i just i
think like i mean
if you’re across the
board some people
don’t like jokes that they feel like have a mean
edge or nastiness behind them
but some people are like are fine with like let’s say
i don’t know a mexican joke that they
were like that’s cool
but then they’ll be offended by
you know the
fat joke or something like that or abortion joke
abortion is a huge one
right but it’s like
really you’re going to
like so that
should the show cater to you
like is that
essentially what you’re asking for
are you gonna
dictate the terms
of the show now
well that’s a real problem
people don’t know who you are before you go up there
yeah if you
if they get into the tom
segura mindset
and they listen to your podcast devoutly and then they
is that a word
and they come to
they come to see you
at a show and they know
what they’re getting they’re there for the fucking tom
segura show
right you know they know your
style of comedy
if they have no idea who the fuck you
are and you just do some show somewhere and you show up
then it’s like well who’s this tom
seguru guy why is he shitting on aboriginals
right right yeah you know
yeah yeah exactly i mean and i
think the big
thing was like
doing like i said
or can you do like a full show
and people almost are never
upset because they see the full
thing they had the
whole meal you know what i mean
right right
i see what you do
like you said
you make fun of yourself you make fun of all these
groups it’s kind of like
you can’t really say like i’m offended cause
you’re being selective
about the one thing
right you give
it evenly you give it across the board
yeah yeah and and you sort of
see that there are
not no sake there’s nothing sacred no subjects
are sacred yeah i mean you have to have people that get
fucking heated with
things that you say
right all the time
i mean not necessarily i really pretty easy going
yeah i mean i’ve had a few people get
upset at me at
some of my gay jokes
you know oh really that’s a big one
but i i used to have this
whole thing
about defending
it like i have no problem with gay people
but you can’t tell me it’s not
funny when guys
wanna fuck guys
it’s just funny
upset about that yeah well i just did this
whole bit about
brokeback mountain
that is one of my favorite
unintentional comedies ever
because i i fucking and this is true i
laughed my ass off in that
movie i thought it was really
funny all the
yeah and you know and people were you
know i’ve had people tell me that that it’s
the the bit is
homophobic and i’m like it’s not
homophobic cause
homophobia is
phobia it’s
like you’re you’re saying you fear gay people or you
have a hate towards gay people yeah it’s a lot of times
interpreted that way
it’s not it’s not saying that you don’t
think it’s funny
yeah no i have no fear no hate
right but you can’t tell me
things aren’t
funny look yeah
everyone’s funny you know
your physical
defects are funny
i have a friend who’s
seven foot tall when i
stand next to him i look like a
child that’s
funny it’s funny
it’s funny it’s
funny because i’m short
i mean it is funny
i mean there’s no getting around that
when i watch two guys kiss each
other i think it’s fucking hilarious
i don’t think you
should stop doing it because i
think it’s funny
and i’m not
gonna mock you openly
i’m not gonna roll down the window get some
more you fucking
queer i’m not
i was in i was in
hollywood leaving the comedy
store and i was
going towards
santa monica boulevard was
going down to
jerry’s deli to get some food
and you know that area
where la sienna
is and santa
monica is like boys town yeah yeah yeah
everything to the
right everything west
yeah everything west is is gay as can get man
and there was
these fucking two guys and they both had
their hands
on each other’s belt loops
like crisscrossed
you know he had his hands on one guy and the
other guy and i’m sitting in the car
and they’re
rubbing crotches together and like sort of leaning back
and brazing each other
by rubbing dicks together and i’m like wow
and then they
started kissing
and i swear to god
i had to roll up the window man
i had to roll up the window and i’m biting my lip
it’s hilarious it’s
funny doesn’t mean you
should stop doing it right
enjoy the fuck out of it do whatever you want to do but
you can’t tell me that all sorts of
things are funny
all sorts of things are
funny even if they make you feel uncomfortable because
you don’t like the fact that people think it’s
funny that you have
to fuck guys
right but it is
funny man it is there’s a
funny video you need to
watch you’ll
laugh your ass off it’s called
vampire boys it’s a
movie about
these vampires
and they’re all gay
but i don’t
think that they’re supposed to be
a hundred percent i don’t know but
i saw the preview the
other day on a
movie and it was just
the most hilarious thing ever
they’re not supposed
it’s not a gay
movie i think
because there’s one
point where the two
vampires do kiss but i don’t think
they’re all supposed to be gay but
i think all the actors they picked are gay
wait a minute the
vampires are men and they kiss yeah
they are supposed to be
gay here’s the poster of it
it’s a goddamn gay porno
brian these
guys they’re all like
chip and dale’s dancers
their shirts open up and shit
it’s so fucking hilarious did
you watch it
i just watched the preview and i
laughed my ass off the
whole time did you get hard
just slightly a little bit
a little bit
what about the
midget joke do you ever feel bad telling the
midget joke
cause you and i have talked
about your midget bit before
you asked me once when we
smoking a little
bit of weed
you know you
smoke weed to get real sensitive
yeah when you said to me do you
think i should stop doing that joke
you were like it is pretty like
you like it is kind of mean like it does they can’t
help it they can’t help it yeah it’s not like they’re
stupid or it’s not like they you know they’re they’re
cheap it’s not like they’re they’re making some
stupid choice
you know i’ve
never gotten
i have gotten
uh approached
about it before
um and i did have a family
breakdown one time at a show
uh the regular size people
came out to me and the
woman was crying
hysterically
because their son
was a dwarf
wow like destroyed them and they tried
watch the rest of the show and they couldn’t and like
the manager was like were they just too
short to see the
stage no they they
you know they
should guide
yourself there you
should have thought about saying it and go
it’s not really that funny
the guy came up to me
after the show
and he goes can i talk to you for a
second i was walking to the back
of the room and i was like what’s up man he was like
that’s very funny
said you really
funny i was like oh
thanks a lot man and like the
set had gone really well
i thought somebody
was like i just like you a lot and i was like cool
and he was like
oh just one
other thing
i was like what’s that he’s like yeah my son is a dwarf
and i was like ah
that was like
yeah and i was just looking at him he just
stand there looking at me and i was like this guy
gonna hit me like what’s he gonna do
i was like yeah he goes um
i go i get it man
like it’s offensive
to you and he goes no it’s not offensive to me
it’s offensive to him and who he’s gonna be
i was like all
right he’s like i know what you’re
thinking like they
all become doctors or lawyers or whatever like they’ll
make a good life for themselves but
what and i was like i’m not
gonna say it
it’s all become doctors or lawyers that’s what he said
and then he goes
first time i’ve ever
heard that maybe that’s what he uses at work
but then he goes he says that and then he goes kids a
midget yeah they all become doctors and lawyers
what kind of fucking criminal you got at
least he’s not a faggot
he goes but anyways really funny
stuff i’m like huh cool like he had to tag it with
but you know i’m a fan and i was like
alright and then i kind of
linger in the back and then like ten fifteen minutes
later i see the same man and a
woman who i have to assume is his wife
and she’s a fucking
falling to the manager i see the manager like
nodding like
and she’s like he’s a fucking asshole
and i was like that’s
about me so i just
dipped out and then
god you’re a heartbreaker to the guy
the guy the manager told me he’s like yeah you know
i offered them free tickets but then as they’re
about to leave i go oh by the way
i can’t guarantee you the next guy
won’t do something like that too
like he had to remind them that
like i don’t have like a
midget calendar and a non midget calendar
like to know like who’s coming to town and what they’re
gonna talk about
i was like you should have just
given them tickets to see brat i would have fucking
solved everything yeah that’s true yeah
but brad williams
brad williams who’s a little person little person
so i that’s you know
that was pretty like
but do you think about not doing it after that
i think about not doing it like just because i did
it once in australia and they also included that like
about how mean it was
and the guy was like
kinda hacky so i was like i’m just not
doing it the rest of this trip so i just didn’t do it
again there
and now it’s to the
point where
i do get bored i
close with it for so long that i’m just
bored of saying it
so i’m not closing with it anymore
i just do something else so for me
i don’t really feel bad about it
i just feel
tired of saying it
would you do it in a room full of midgets
if it was just
midgets just
midgets no one but
no one but if you got
like full images
if you guys were like in the wings like do it i
would do it
but notice how tom made us the enablers
but just i don’t
think i would do it just to
if i had a room full of just
midgets just i mean you know it
would be fun like
be a fun story
to tell about the like the brawl
afterwards or something but
i don’t know if i
would do that i have one joke
that i do edit if certain people are in the audience
and it’s a fat joke
really yeah i did this line
about vegas
that you know the
thing about
vegas is you gotta know
oh yeah sleep
the moment you must go to bed is when you see the
first fat girl
walking barefoot
carrying her
shoes yeah yeah
funny everything
after her is a mistake you had to edit
could you see that i see
him and i feel
bad and i’ve said big girls i’ve said big girls but
i should just stop
saying it i said
black girls too and he gets an empty
of different laugh
yeah see the first
black girl walking barefoot
carrying their shoes
right i know
you’re like what
do you know you what are you saying i’m just trying to
get around this show you around a fat joke
i’ve actually you know it’s funny i’ve
i’ve had fat lines before and i’m fat
and i felt bad
right like i’ve
seen somebody just who’s like way fatter than me
why just go you say that you’re fat though
joke about it in this
particular joke no and so i’ll just kind of like
i’ll just jump around it like i just
cause i’ll feel bad like i can
cause i’ve said it before
and seen like a really obese
fat person right
and i’m like man they i just
crushed that person yeah
and they can’t even be like fuck you you’re fat
like you’re six hundred pounds
right like you
ready you ready for
yeah you got your comeback line
yeah like i kiss
so i felt bad for that it’s
eddie bravo
in the falcon line remember that oh
what’s that
eddie got mad at joey
diaz once cause joey
diaz is the master of the one liner
yeah you know and
eddie had this
you know eddie like
changed his look over the years and became much money
focused on his
music became much more rock and roll
style and he had this big bracelet on it was a
leather bracelet yeah
and you know
they’re stylish people like wearing whatever
but joey diaz is
what are you waiting for a fucking falcon to land on
i remember i laughed so hard but
guys eddie got mad
eddie goes fuck you you 300
pounds and we were like whoa whoa right to a fat joke
yeah we had to like go come on man
yeah come on he just joked on your wristband
and yeah you’re all you’re getting all
upset and going right after his weight
do you know what by far by the way
got the most backlash ever for me by far i mean
of all the negative response i’ve ever gotten 90
of it is from my bike riding joe
really but i mean oh and i saw that online
i saw that online a lot of people were
angry they wanted
to fucking kick your ass oh my god dude i
gotta eat like tons of
emails and your joke is
about how arrogant people are
with bikes a lot of bike riders they do are arrogant
yeah and i mean
look it’s the
that’s just the
statement i make and there’s a joke that
elaborate with it
one of the things i
imply in the joke is like
essentially
hitting somebody with my car right
right but it’s one of like
a lot cause it’s a bit it’s like a
three minute bit
right what dude
i’m talking like you fucking
piece of shit
like you deserve to die i bet you
can’t even ride a bike you fat fuck like all these like
i mean like
dozens of emails of like you’re the fucking
worst person ever
like i was i didn’t realize
a how big that
like the eighth that
would strike a
chord at all
but then there’s this whole
cycling movement yeah community hardcore
yeah that also feels threatened by
car like drivers like that’s a real
issue i didn’t realize i was hitting on
a real issue i was just talking
about the way that like
i’ve had cyclists i’ve had
cyclists kick my car when i’m
driving down the
street because they felt like i
veered into the lane or you know i mean like
just like shit
where i felt like
you know they’ll
shut off an intersection and and
we’re driving the middle of the
street make you
drive like i just feel like some of them drive ride
their bikes arrogantly
i feel like they
could be more
aware of like
the surroundings and
the way that like people in cars have to be careful too
and it’s more a commentary on that dude
so much fucking hate mail
so much hate it was a new comedy central special
right but it didn’t air
in the special it only aired on the online promotion
really so they just aired a clip
were you responsible for the editing of this
special no they were they were yeah
so the clip is online
and the clip got me
i was hundreds so
happy that i was
responsible for the editing of my own special oh yeah
that would suck if you couldn’t edit your own shit
how come they didn’t work that in for you
they let you when you get off
stage when you do a half hour an hour
half hour when you do a half hour you get off stage
you get to go
you have a meeting with a producer
right away like
right immediately off
stage right like
they’re like what you know
what did you like the most what did you like the least
how many sets did you do just one oh just one yeah
that’s rough
they give you a fucking i mean
in their you
know defense they give you
a really hot room
a really hot crowd
but they have
to do it one set if it’s a half hour and they’re doing
how many did do a show
they do two per audience and they ship out the audience
but they give you a lot like they’re like you know
if you fumble your lines like
we’ll go back
you can go back
you can do go back to something you thought didn’t work
right you can try saying it again
they try to help you you say it
again well i didn’t
but they offer
that too they
offer that they offer they’re like if you go
you know i was whatever walking into the
store and you just like slip up you guys
there’s the
store and you sound
stupid right
you can be like i want to take that from the top again
and you say that to the audience yeah
yeah that’s so
weird it is
weird but the audience is so coached
and so on board with the concept
that it’s not
like you’re doing it at like a club or something like
they’re like they
understand that they’re there just for you to do this
uh it’s looking
more and more like i’m doing my next one in vancouver
that’s the fucking best
yeah i’m looking i’m trying for june
we’re working on all the details
right now but if i can make it happen
yeah i got a
venue and it’ll probably be on thursday
night in vancouver
so that the weekend of the
ufc is there
it’s not it’s not set in
stone i’m definitely
gonna be doing shows there yeah but uh
most likely and the tickets will be on sale
by this weekend hopefully
we’re we’re working on that
right now we got the
venue secured but nice
one of my favourite uh
cities definitely and
top for me top three
comedy city in the
world vancouver
i love it i’ve done awesome
there i’ve done a set at the
the red rock
or whatever it’s called the red
robinson casino
that i’ve done a set there but i’ve done the club
uh the comedy mix
which is on barrad
street downtown
multiple times and that is one of
my favorite clubs if you live in vancouver that club is
awesome i only did yuck yucks it’s the same venue
okay they just
that they just
use that name the one that’s in the bottom of a
hotel that’s it
that is the shit remember that how
awesome that was
we just go downstairs from your room
and boom you’re in the comedy
they they have like six
i think six
nights a week they have shows
it’s small too right
capacities two fifteen i think
maybe two ten two fifteen
and i would say
i mean for a weekend there
like like the friday saturday i think you
thursday friday saturday something like that
like almost
every show is
sold out if not like ninety percent capacity and then i
found out that all the comments were like oh no
tuesday wednesday
like it’s always like eighty at
least eighty
percent full so it’s called the mix now it’s called the
comedy mix the comedy mix and there’s no more yuck yuck
certain yuck yuck
is in yolk yuck yuck is
still there they
essentially they were
licensing the name
okay so they were just
using the name
it expired and they’re just like we don’t
wanna license your name anymore
yeah why do it you don’t need it yeah so they’re an
awesome name
awesome name that
scott is so
great it’s a fucking amazing club
that’s where we met
pete johansson
we did a bunch of shows with him there
yeah that was
that’s a great fucking town for
everything i’ve only done
i’ve done the red i’ve done that
and i’ve done the red
robinson there at
least once i
think twice and i did another room that was
just like a half an hour outside of town that’s
another casino but
i’ll be doing a different
place this time and
i’m looking to do two shows two shows on a
thursday night
and that’s awesome it’s
they’re just they
it’s like one of
those things
where it’s just like the audiences are
fucking awesome there like they’re just
great comedy savvy
and their high as fuck
their highest fuck high as fuck
which makes for a way better crowd
anytime you go to a
stoner crowd
like portland how awesome is portland
amazing super
stoner crowd you done the helium in portland now now
oh my goodness one of the
greatest clubs ever oh nice
dude we i’ve
never been handed more weed
after a show never
portland is the undisputed
champion that was philly
fucking awesome
philly fucking awesome oh yeah it’s helium too
right we did two shows on
thursday we did
two shows sold out
every show two
shows thursday two shows friday two shows we
did a full weekend yeah
thursday friday saturday
me joey diaz and orange fear
nice fucking that’s
hot food was eaten
oh yeah we went off we had a good goddamn time it was
chaos and that was
philly such a fucking wild town too
it’s so crazy because when
philly everything’s one way
because it was all designed for
horses it’s like
these little
narrow ass streets in this big fucking city
you know half the streets
these little
tiny and it’s like
the traffic and getting around is so difficult you know
parking is ridiculous it’s impossible
what a fucking
great town now
you watch parking wars
parking wars on a and e
you had a joke
about that would you say
i said parking wars
on a and e should be renamed when
black people act black
they fighting over parking
is that what it’s
about show that show is
great what is it
well they just follow meter maids
like meter maze
in philly so the
philadelphia parking authority wow and and like
basically it just follows them like they take you on
their beat and
then they’re writing tickets and the people are like
fuck you man like just yelling shit to them
all the time
talk like you know i was here with my like
i just ran in to do this
so there’s always always confrontation always conflict
and then cars getting
towed or booted
and i mean the
conflict gets really the confrontation is really
escalated like
has anybody been attacked
i’ve seen like
i’ve seen a guy oh i’ve seen a guy who
was getting the boot put on his car you know the yellow
thing that keeps
your car can’t
drive after it
right they had like half of it on a guy got in his car
and drove with it like half on his car dragging
push the car in
front of it and
everything like
people lose
their minds when they’re
about to lose their car
and also when they go to get
their cars that were towed
like fucking just
freak out man like
cause then when you go pick up your car
if it’s been towed
you have to you have to get square on all your
other stuff that
maybe had nothing to do with getting towed
so you had parking tickets oh
you gotta show registration and current insurance oh
you don’t realize how many people are not insured
so they’ll be like oh i got yeah and they’re like
where’s your current insurance and they’re like
i have it and they’re like alright we need them to fax
us like that you have insurance
and then people just fucking
there’s so much yelling on that show
it’s really
is it good yeah oh my god it’s so and it was like
it’s on a and e it’s called
parking wars yeah my latest obsessions that show cole
coal coal what’s that show it’s
about coal miners
it’s on spike tv
it’s all following
these coal miners into
these fucking mines oh that shit’s crazy
dude the mines this is how they work it it’s like a
building you know how you see
buildings and there’s beams inside the
building to support the
structure of the building
and then inside
those beams is rooms
that’s what they do in mountains
they cut in
they’ll cut out a room
and then they take a left turn they
leave like pillars
yeah and then they cut out this room
and they leave a pillar
and they do
that through the entire fucking mountain but
you know you’re talking
about some incredible amount of weight that’s being
distributed
who knows how much of it is even and how much of it is
you know air pockets or
water or coal
as opposed to
heavy stone and
dude they fucking
collapse on people all that some guys missing just the
other day there was some
minor and i believe it was idaho
we think about
that missing
thing right like how horrifying
it’s terrifying yeah
scary shit man they were down
there how long two
three months
a long time man
they were down there a long time yeah
yeah it’s scary
but the mind thing the
creepiest part
about is that they’re they’re
under like they’re in
these rooms that are like
three feet tall
so you’re hunched
and it’s all darkness and shit then
you’ve got this machine that’s just chipping away
and pulling out the coal
and there’s
and there’s nowhere for the dust to go
i mean it goes
right in your fucking lungs man
i mean they’re
breaking this
stuff down like
you looking just like
man what if
you were living in west virginia what if you had no
other options what if you know your
family was coal miners and everyone’s just stupid and
by the time you’re 18 you’re already hooked on
oxycontin since
before you know it
you’re fucking
chipping away at the side of the mountain yeah
yeah it’s a
freaky fucking show yeah that’s
i gotta watch that it’s a good one on spike
yeah it’s a
good one check that out it’s a
good one just for the claustrophobia factor yeah i was
watching now saying
they should make a
movie where
there’s a monster
movie inside a coal mine
oh yeah like the scariest
movie ever would be a
giant dick with
shark teeth
that chases you around a coal mine
that would be that’s so
homophobic of you joe i know totally
a lot of my act a lot of my act is very offensive
offensive make it
black so he hides in this
let’s just end this bitch
we’ve been doing this for two
hours we’re doing this about two hours right yeah
all right ladies and gentlemen
where tom’s go where can people see you
let’s see next i will be
uh next week i’ll be doing a few spots at the comedy
magic club in hermosa beach nice
and then i go the first weekend in may to the improv
in fort lauderdale
at the hard rock casino and is it thompsgard dot com
it is thompsgard com follow tom on twitter
t o m s e g u r a
again we’re sorry
about the last episode but we hope we made up for it
in this one subscribe to tom’s podcast yeah
your mom’s house or just subscribe to death
squad on itunes we’re gonna do on wednesday yeah doing
on how many of them you do in a week
i’m trying to do
one a week or
two last week and you do when mrs
sagurin it’s called your mom’s
house yeah as many i mean
we try to do when we’re together as much she did one
at his studio why your mom’s house
i don’t know i just like i’ve always
you know i want to open a restaurant called your mom’s
house so if you ask me
where i’m going i can really say i’m
going to your mom’s
house i don’t know
i just think it’s
stupid and funny okay
we had mary carry on
today on the
naughty show podcast was it funny
it was pretty interesting man she told some
crazy stories is she
still working
in the business
mary carey for
folks who don’t know ran for governor of
california at
one time she’s
some good ideas
she’s does girl girl in solos now she does
feature dancings but she told some
crazy stories
about like baldwin
today and about this
basketball players
she’s sober now yeah oh
she’s serious she was on
celebrity reality we had we were
on the airplane with her me and ari shafir
and she had a
bottle of pills and she’s pouring xanax into her hands
she’s going one two
three four shit
do you guys have any xanax
did you really yeah she had
eight xanax
in her hand she was like
it’s not enough
wow and she said
i was like yeah
joe said that
he was on the airplane with you and he goes oh yeah
those pot brownies or something
like a problem
yeah those pot
brownies pop
fucking with my xanax
alright folks we will be back tomorrow
tuesday same same bad time
channel hundredth episode tomorrow’s the big one
it’s probably just
gonna be me and
brian because that’s how we roll
snowflakes with snowflakes and and and
we’re gonna get high as fuck all
right we love you guys
thank you very much peace
the joe rogan
experience podcast is brought to you by the
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