I've Had It - Back to Burning Man

Okay, ready?

One, two, three.

Awesome.

Good.

Hi, Jenny.

How are you?

I’m good.

How are you?

Good.

What have you had it with?

I have had it with the continued idiocy of people that see the sign on the front door

of my office and continue to walk in to suite two looking for other suites.

I’m really anxious to greet one of the people at the door and say, step outside here.

I want to ask you a question.

Did you read the sign and tell me what was the thought process in deciding to read it

and despite reading it to march right on in?

I need to know.

Let me understand what I can put on this door to have prevented you to walk in.

How about we don’t give directions, we don’t give advice.

Come in at your appointment and if you don’t have one of those two, we will call the police.

What if you put, come through this door and I will blow your head off?

I mean, it is Oklahoma.

It could happen.

Yeah.

I mean, Javi could be packing heat behind that desk and just pick people off.

Oh, I mean, I don’t want to go that homicidal.

I appreciate.

I like the intensity because sometimes I feel homicidal, but I don’t know.

When you say that out loud, I think I realize how insane I am, but nonetheless, I’m going

to work on it.

What have you had it with this week?

Okay.

What I’ve had it with, you know, I’m a new Instagram person.

What I’ve had it with is all these advertisements that are on your feed.

So like I bought into it right off the bat.

Oh yeah.

Emily was like, you’re a rookie.

I can’t believe you did that.

But so I get excited about these bras because what I hate about leisure bras is the pads

come out and when you wash them, you have to put the pads back in.

It’s just a hassle.

Right.

So this bra, I mean, it just looked like this will be heaven on earth.

This is what you’ve been waiting for your whole life.

So I order it and I’m spoiled because we live in a town where Amazon lives.

So we get stuff same day sometimes.

This fucker, it was like four weeks on this bra.

Before it came.

Oh, Instagram, it’s a big racket.

It came from like 55 countries away for this bra.

Okay.

So I’m excited about the bra, even though it took me a year to get it.

Okay.

I’m still fired up about it.

Well, so I wash it.

That fucker, not only did the pads come out, one pad went into the other side of the bra.

So now both pads are in one side of the bra and I couldn’t get it out and I had to throw

it away after one wash.

How was it the fit prior to the wash?

You know, it wasn’t bad.

It wasn’t bad.

I probably should have gotten an extra large instead of just a large, but I didn’t put

that on the Instagram advertisement.

I just put that on your boobs are bigger than you want to admit to yourself.

Right.

So that wasn’t so bad, but I just, Emily made fun of me.

Now you’re making fun of me.

You cannot buy shit off Instagram.

I fell for it a few times.

I bought some pajamas that look so cute on the model.

I was like, these are going to be great.

They come in, they’re awful.

Horrible.

Sandpaper.

Not soft at all.

Sandpaper.

The fabric was wretched.

Complete, total scam racket.

Yeah.

It was total a scam.

And I think I pay like $12 for a leisure bra at like a Walmart or Target or Amazon or something.

Right.

It was, this was like $35, which I was happy to pay if I thought I didn’t have to put the

pads back in after the washing machine.

Right.

But one pad migrated.

Right.

It was horrible.

It was worse than any of the other bras.

It was a migrating.

Migrating.

So you had like double protection on one sag and drag and then the other one was just

free-falling.

Bare nipple.

Like your ass on a toilet.

Like my ass on a toilet.

Welcome to I’ve Had It Podcast.

I’m Jennifer.

I’m Angie.

Jen and Neal are with us.

Richard is here.

And it is time, listener, it is time to drag out a dead horse and beat the shit out of

it.

And listener, I want you to understand that for 20 years, Pumps and I never tire of talking

about certain things.

And we call it a dead horse session.

And right now we are about to have our very first dead horse session on I’ve Had It Podcast.

And the dead horse that we’re dragging out today, that horse’s name is Burning Man.

Since we recorded our Burning Man episode, Nealie and Jen went to Burning Man as you

and I know.

What the audience doesn’t know is this fantastic, I mean amazing podcast would have started

about maybe six to eight weeks earlier than it did.

But these two producers, when you get back, apparently it’s like a 120-day cleaning process

to get the dust not only out of every orifice of your body, your bags, your clothes, all

the shit they schlepped to Burning Man.

Like their U-Haul full of shit.

I remember when we called them, we gave them like four or five days after Burning Man because

we’re like, they’re outside, there’s no plumbing, they’re probably tired, you know, obviously.

We get them on FaceTime and we both hung up and we were like, they look like they have

been dragged behind a car.

They looked awful.

For a year.

I mean, honest to God, we thought you were dying.

We immediately talked.

I mean, we all looked terrible.

They looked horrible.

Not a follow-up phone call.

She called me, she said, can you believe how bad they look?

But I’m telling you, you could have gone down the road behind an 18-wheeler for three days

and looked better.

You could have been the poster child for PTSD.

Yes.

I’m serious.

It was bad.

It could have been Google, Siri, show me what PTSD looks like.

And you two on the FaceTime screen could have popped up.

And then like, I mean, then I think we talked to him a few days after that and it was like,

Yeah, they’re still got that Burning Man and they still had that shit packed up and

they’re like going box to box cleaning shit.

I would have to assume that you found sand in places that were never meant to have sand

in them.

We still have sand in a lot of places.

See?

Ladies, how was Burning Man?

How was it on a scale of zero to 10?

How was your Burning Man experience?

I’m going to give it a nine because the weather was terrible.

I mean, it was really hot.

And we had dust storms.

Amazing.

Like in Afghanistan or something?

Yeah.

It was basically, yeah.

But I will say the rest of it was amazing.

Some of the most like creative people I’ve ever seen.

The nights are the best.

You just ride your bikes around and like, look at all the different art installations

and the art cars.

And like, you would be so hot and then you would see this big like car, art car come

by and they would be making like fresh juice just to pass out to people for free.

Or like one time it was a margarita.

I don’t know if y’all have ever been to Mexico, but you can be on the beach and then the waiters

come by and they just pass out stuff to you.

There’s no dust storm.

So like we stayed up one night to watch this DJ that we both love and it was the sunrise

set and we were getting hungry and this guy passed by and he had fresh pancakes and he

was just passing them all around and we were like, this is a godsend.

Playa provides.

Okay.

So you won’t sit on a toilet seat, you have her, but she’ll eat a pancake from a total

stranger with a desk bowl?

Yeah.

Yes.

I need to know.

Did you shit or piss in the bucket?

Neither of us pooped in the bucket.

We did pee in it in the middle of the night.

One morning I wake up to a horrible, horrible smell.

I was dehydrated.

Dehydrated.

I had to jump out of the tent because it was disgusting.

If this isn’t alarming enough.

I think we have to bring our good friend Bob the Builder back.

We have another friend of theirs that was in their camp and his name is Omid.

And so I actually got to FaceTime with Omid while they were on their way back from Burning

Man and I heard probably one of the more alarming stories that I’ve ever heard in my entire

life.

Worse than the pee?

I’ve kept it under lock and key because I want to sit back and watch your reaction live

as he tells you what he told me.

So without further ado, let’s get their playmates, the Burning Man playmates in.

Let’s go.

T-Bob it up.

Pumps.

Pumps, are you excited to see Bob?

Are you excited to see Bob?

I mean, I can’t wait.

He’s precious.

He is precious.

Isn’t he?

But I don’t say you’re trying to hit on him.

It doesn’t matter.

Who cares?

Hi Bob the Builder.

Bob.

Oh, hey, hey.

How are you?

Oh my gosh.

Omid.

Hi Omid.

Hi Pumps.

It’s so good to see you guys.

Okay.

So I have to say Bob, after we did that episode with you, we just full blown changed your

name to Bob.

Bob the Builder.

So if we start calling you Bob, it’s just, you are Bob in our world.

That’s fine.

And I apologize, but that’s just who you are.

But we’ve got to get right to the nut cutting here.

Okay.

I know that since we did our Burning Man episode, you guys have had a lot of fun.

We’ve had a lot of fun.

I’ve heard some rather alarming stories, but Omid, you may remember that I FaceTimed with

you when you were in the Jeep with Jen and Nellie on your way back.

And you told me a story that was incredibly eyebrow raising to say the least.

And I’m going to sit here with my eyes fixated on pumps, and I want you to tell her about

the tattoo parlor at the Burning Man.

All right.

So this was me getting a temporary tattoo at Burning Man.

It’s at a gay camp called Celestial Bodies, which is our favorite place to hang out at

Burning Man.

They have the best cocktails.

But on Tuesdays, they give temporary tattoos.

So there’s a very sexy man with a big beard that’s seated.

And you stand in front of him, and you tell him where you want your tattoo.

And I picked my butt.

It’s really fun.

But he first starts with prepping the area by exfoliating it with his beard.

So he rubs his beard all over your butt.

And then he puts the temporary tattoo on, but while he’s applying the pressure so that

you don’t tip over, he cups you, your junk, and he holds on to you while the temporary

tattoo’s going on.

And then afterwards, to seal the tattoo, he takes a puff of his vape pen and then blows

it very gently all over your butt area, just to kind of seal it all in.

I think that that might be a salt.

Okay, what’s the deal with he grabs your junk?

So that you don’t tip over, because he has to apply pressure to the tattoo.

And you might tip over unless he was cupping your junk the whole time simultaneously.

Could you bend over a chair?

You could.

It’s not as fun.

Bob, did you get any sort of tattoos or ass crack beard exfoliation when you were at the

Burning Man?

I did not this year, no, but I have in previous years.

Have you given any exfoliation with the beard at Burning Man?

I know, but I do do a lot of beard rubs with other good bearded guys.

We like to get together and just mess around.

What’s a beard rub?

That’s right.

Just two guys.

It’s like an Eskimo kiss, where you kiss the noses.

It’s like that one with the beard, and you’re just kind of rubbing your beard together.

Every good bearded man loves another good bearded man.

It doesn’t matter your sexual preference.

We just love it.

He’s got a beautiful beard.

I always touch his beard every time I see him.

Yeah.

He does have a good looking beard.

He does.

I mean, you do.

He does.

Thank you.

I like the specks.

Those are nice looking specks.

Josh Welch would really like him.

That haircut’s nice.

Right.

You have some natural curl, right?

Yeah.

Lots of it.

Yeah.

Her husband.

I have questions.

Okay.

Oh, ask.

Go.

Fire away.

Wait.

Your husband would like a curly headed guy?

Yes.

He’s vain.

He’s incredibly vain.

He wouldn’t like you sexually.

He would appreciate your aesthetic and your sense of style.

And he’d think you were attractive.

He would say, that don’t mean it’s a good looking guy.

I liked his specks.

I liked his hair.

I liked his beard.

I mean, he is comfortable enough in his sexuality to tell you that he likes your look.

You should bring him to Burning Man.

I would rather paint the interior walls of my entire office building with a Q-tip, base

coat, first coat, top coat, then a sealer, then go to Burning Man.

But listen, I’m all swing for the fences.

If y’all like it, I want to know every nutty detail.

I want to get to the deep, dark bottom, inject this shit into my veins.

What other crazy shit did you do?

Okay.

I had a question that I didn’t ask last time, Bobbett.

So in the orgy tent, do you consent, like, do you fill out, like, before you go in, are

you like, hey, I’m all the way, I’m going all the way, I’m doing three ways, but play

all of it?

Or is it like consent is just a little bit at a time?

Consent with who?

Like the other orgy members.

No, it’s like a little bit at a time.

It’s not like what middle schoolers did with those colored bands on their wrists, you know?

In the moment, someone asks, do you say yes or no?

There’s an orgy dome.

And then there is-

Oh, shut the fuck up.

An orgy dome?

Dome.

It’s called the orgy dome.

Oh my God.

They’re wildly popular.

Yeah.

Well, of course.

I could imagine.

Yeah.

I actually went into the orgy dome out of curiosity.

Every detail.

Go.

Go on.

You’re just looking at the pictures in Playboy, too.

So Playboy.

Playgirl.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So I was with two female friends and you have to be either a couple or a morsem to get into

the orgy dome.

Stop.

What’s a morsem?

Stop.

Is a morsem like a throuple?

A morsem is more than a couple.

So yeah, a throuple or maybe you’re in a polyamorous relationship with four people, but you have

to be more than a single person.

Right.

So basically, I think that they’re trying to make sure that single guys don’t wander

in there and just like lurk.

I think the only rule in there is consent.

So you can’t like, you know, obviously.

And then the other thing and the thing that we got kicked out of there for was they don’t

really like lurkers.

They don’t really like observers.

We were just a little stunned and just sitting on the couch and I was with two friends.

Who’s the oversight in this?

Who kicked you out?

Who’s the dome sheriff?

Georgie Dome is an actual Burning Man camp.

And here’s the kicker.

My accountant belongs to that camp.

Shut the fuck up.

Oh, that’s so good.

Did you know he was part of that camp or did you see him?

I didn’t know then.

Okay.

So Bob, tell us about what you built.

This year, Son and I helped build like the kitchen.

We built like a sink that had somewhat of a success, had a shower that also had somewhat

of a success, growing pains.

And then the rest of it was like building camp structures and stuff with the rest of

the team.

We all pitched in for that stuff.

Bob, did you enjoy the dust storm?

I loved it.

One of my favorite moments was like 24 hours of pure wind and dust because it was great.

The entire camp came together to secure stuff, hold things.

And then my wife’s son is running around with like a gigantic handle of a fireball, making

everybody take shots.

So you’re just getting drunk, laughing with all your friends.

It was the best time possible.

We did see a picture of you, Bob.

In the camp.

Which one?

Well, you were…

When I say face…

I was passed out on the ground like that?

Yes.

Face down eating dirt.

You looked destroyed.

Right.

I mean, you looked absolutely annihilated.

For my birthday this year, which is like a month after the burn, my wife had that framed

and it’s now hanging in our kitchen.

I love it.

Yes.

Were you exhausted when you got back?

It still took another two months for me to start feeling really normal at work again.

Okay.

I just constantly wanted to call and quit.

That’s what I want to tap into right there because Jen and Nealey, we FaceTime them and

it is like fucking zombie apocalypse.

Right.

They were the poster child of PTSD.

It was so alarming that after the FaceTime, Pumps immediately called me and she said,

God, can you believe how terrible they look?

I was like, how about we’re just finding out about something.

That’s the first time anything like it.

No.

I mean, it’s like they ate…

It’s like you’ve seen those age progressions, like the meth ads.

Exactly.

It’s exactly what it was, like 10 years of meth in one week.

Let me ask you this.

Are you going next year?

Bob, you go first.

No.

I don’t think we can.

Plot twist.

Because my wife is now pregnant.

Oh, yay!

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Come on, Bobette.

Bring the baby.

Honestly, it’s going to be my greatest success is being a dad.

I already know that.

I’m ready to buy those classic white New Balances and crappy T-shirts.

I’m so ready.

You’re going to crush that job.

I’ve got jokes lined up.

I’ve had it podcast onesie that we’re going to send your baby.

Yes.

It says, yes, not invited to the pool party.

I’m so ready.

It says, yes, not invited to the pool party.

For me, I don’t end up looking like a zombie four days after.

I’m actually the freshest and the happiest that you’re going to get me all year long.

And you get a month and a half of it where I’m just glowing and excited about life again.

And then when work fully sucks me back in, you just see, well, that’s when I turn into

a depressed zombie.

For me, it’s like that’s where I open up and I have finally allowed myself to be who

I fully am.

And I have zero fears about who I am and controlling myself because I have to act and be a certain

way in society.

I can just be myself.

And everyone I’m there with, Jen, Millie, Omi, all of our camp, they make sure that

I am that person when I leave.

They’re there.

They’re my community.

This year was huge for me.

I actually didn’t even see a lot of the city or a lot of the art because I was always at

camp with all of my friends.

That’s all I cared about was being back with my community.

And it made me feel whole again.

And it made me feel excited to just get back into life and to do things.

I hadn’t had it in three years and I needed it.

I need it every year.

That’s really sweet.

I mean, that’s kind of touching, Bob.

It really is.

Omi, what do you love?

Well, he likes the orgy.

So as I’ve been eight years now, I always say it restores my faith in humanity.

I see people at their best.

I think that you guys, specifically, I think Jennifer would really enjoy Burning Man.

My point being that when you interact with someone, you’re probably not going to be your

most unguarded sort of self.

Every year it takes me 48 hours for my shoulders to come down at Burning Man.

So I thought that it was only going to be the first year when it happened, but it happens

every year.

And I think it’s because you have to have some sort of a shield on in the outside world

because it’s just not safe.

People just have all kinds of intentions and you don’t want to be a naive person just sort

of whistling your way through dodgy parts of the world.

But at Burning Man, it really feels so kind and so safe.

And everyone’s lovely.

We always say it’s the best place to have an emergency because people will help you,

but also literally go completely out of their way to get you whatever you need.

Not that you should rely on them, but if you needed them, they would be there.

It’s the best kind of person that goes there.

It is a lot of work prepping, cleaning up afterwards.

You come back completely depleted.

I don’t know.

This year was really, really hard for a whole host of reasons.

If I was betting right now, I would say probably go back.

But I don’t know.

Probably go.

Ellie and Jen, are you going to go?

Yes.

You are going to go next year?

You hope to?

Sana!

Ellie!

Congratulations!

Sana!

Congratulations on your baby.

Sana had to check out the competition.

Yes.

I’m very impressed with your husband and all his industriousness.

She really is.

I mean, it’s shocking how somebody can do that.

At what age will you take the child to Burning Man?

I think six.

I think six or seven.

Six or seven.

Six or seven would be a good age.

I wouldn’t take them any earlier.

You see little babies out there sometimes.

Yeah.

And it’s just terrible.

Their little lungs.

Yes.

It’s a giant playground.

So it is an amazing, amazing place for a kid.

I don’t even want to take a baby to Target.

Right.

So I’m damn sure wouldn’t want to take a baby to camp for eight days.

Let’s do a lightning round.

Did you guys cuddle puddle this year?

Yes or no?

Sana, you go first.

No, I did not cuddle puddle.

I’m not a big fan of cuddle puddles.

I agree.

I like her.

Bob?

Yes.

Had it.

I’ve had it with Bob.

I heard your last episode about, Bob, it was like, were you talking about Pink Heart, the

biggest cuddle puddle on the play?

I actually climbed into that room.

What do you mean climbed?

There’s not a door?

What’s going on with the climbing?

So Bob looked at the room and was like, nope, and turned around.

I was like, yes, and I took my shoes off and went in.

And you have to, so that it’s just like a mess of pillows and teddy bears and people

and you can’t just walk in, you have to crawl in and you can’t, you have to be, you have

to be mindful of your elbows and your knees because it’s like people underneath you.

So it’s interesting to just climb your way through and it smells like a thousand farts

in there.

That’s what I was going to ask.

Like how bad does it smell?

It doesn’t smell great.

There’s real grit at Burning Man and I would say the smell in the Pink Heart cuddle puddle

room is one of them.

Yeah.

What about BO?

It’s gross.

No BO.

I smell more BO at the local gay bar in Silver Lake than I have at Burning Man.

True.

That is true.

Jim, did you go to a cuddle puddle?

No, I did not.

Good for you.

Nellie?

We didn’t go to a cuddle puddle.

Okay, good.

All right.

Okay.

Did you shit in a bucket?

You guys went down a really dark rabbit hole on the whole shitting in the bucket.

I can’t imagine anyone shitting in their tent in a bucket.

Yeah, no.

But we just found out a couple of weeks ago, Pumps, when she’s at a public toilet, most

women hover, you know, you squat and hover and kind of get a good look.

She barebacks it in a public toilet.

She just goes right in and sits down on a bareback.

So you sit-

I would never bareback a toilet seat, ever, ever, ever.

Never.

I would never bareback a public toilet seat, ever, ever.

So I had to get over the Burning Man port-a-potties the first time I went because I had a legitimate

fear.

But the same playa dust that sort of settles BO kind of calms down the situation in the

port-a-potties.

So it isn’t as horrible as you would imagine.

I will bareback a public toilet, but I will not go in a port-a-potty.

I will stand next to it and shit on the ground before I will bareback a toilet.

I would.

I cannot.

Those are gross.

Yeah, they’re disgusting.

Horrible.

They-

Horrible.

I have peed behind, like at football games back in the day, they’d have port-a-potties

set up and people would be in line and I’d just go right behind it and pee.

Are you jealous that Bob is having a baby?

No.

I’m thrilled.

They’re going to be great parents.

Think of all the shit he’s getting.

Think about his treehouse.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

It will be like next level treehouse.

Yeah.

Bob here is going to build a treehouse for him.

I love that.

Well, congratulations again.

That’s amazing.

All right.

Anything else dicey that went down?

I don’t know.

I want the good shit.

Anything else go down in Burning Man that we need to air out?

Jennifer, I feel like I need to tell you some things that might entice you to maybe one

day consider going to Burning Man.

Later.

Like imagine it’s morning and you’re riding your bike, an electric bike, so you don’t

have to work really hard.

I like that exercise.

And all of a sudden, oh, great.

Yeah.

That’s a great breakfast.

But imagine there’s a sign that says breakfast martinis.

And you just stop and you go in and all of a sudden, it’s the most like a craft cocktail

shaken, served in like a chilled glass.

Right.

And all of a sudden, you’re having the perfect martini where like two minutes ago, you didn’t

even know you were going to have the perfect breakfast cocktail.

Let me tell you the flaw on that story.

I don’t drink alcohol because my husband’s a recovering drug addict and alcoholic that’s

been to rehab five times.

And so after the fifth rehab stint, I thought, well, fuck it.

I’ll just quit drinking too.

So I’m already out on the Burning Man martini bar that crashed and burned.

What else you got for me?

Okay.

So you’re riding your bike.

Riding my bike.

Okay.

Let’s go back to the bike.

Riding my bike.

I’m getting great cardio.

All of a sudden, you smell hot chocolate chip cookies.

Like freshly baked.

I love chocolate chip cookies.

And you realize that there’s a tray, like there’s a person with a tray of hot cookies

and all you have to do to get one is to get paddled on your behind.

What?

With like a leather.

Oh yeah.

Like S&M?

Yeah.

For a cookie?

Yeah.

No.

It’s going to have to be a lot more than a cookie.

So you have to get spanked to get the cookie?

Have you guys not ever stayed in a fucking five-star hotel?

You literally, all you have to do is pick up the phone and say, could you please bring

some chocolate chip cookies to room 402?

And they say, it’s my pleasure.

And then a dominatrix.

And then they bring them.

You don’t have to get spanked.

You don’t have to ride a bike.

It just happens.

But you can get a dominatrix at a five-star hotel too.

And someone was going to spank me for a grilled cheese sandwich.

It was nice.

It was worth it.

I have to.

Y’all are getting spanked to get food.

Yeah.

This is what’s another thing that’s going on at Burning Man is you have to get a whooping.

This whole podcast is based on you guys, you know, loving, playful.

Yeah.

And each other.

That’s all Burning Man is.

It’s like, it’s one, eight, it’s eight days of just ridiculous, playful interactions.

And sometimes, like, it’s just really dumb.

Like, you get spanked and you get a chocolate chip cookie.

How long did it take you to get out?

Yeah.

That’s a great question.

Six hours.

Oh my God.

I mean, that’s just torture.

It wasn’t that bad.

I mean, you’re going to deliver a baby in less time than it took you to get out of Burning

Man.

It’s a great point.

Is that a promise?

Yeah.

I mean, that’s…

I don’t want to even do something that feels good for six hours.

Right.

Like, six hours is too long.

No.

We had really fun, though.

We had fun in the exit.

We had fun.

At that point.

I can’t decide if this whole Burning Man thing is, like, shared psychosis or if I am just

a horrible candidate for it.

I think we’re horrible candidates, because I kind of teared up when Bob was talking about

why he liked it.

Like, the community aspect of it.

I didn’t really feel that much.

I feel like I could have…

I’m just going to be honest.

I think it’s sweet that that’s your reality, but it didn’t move the meter.

No.

It doesn’t make me want to go.

I found that the people that resisted the most are the ones that needed the most.

Like, that would get the most out of it.

That’s probably 100% true.

There’s no question that I am stage five, fucked up, cynical, negative, that it could

probably open me up, and I could be a kinder, gentler person.

The problem is I would have to have a lot of interactions with human beings, and I don’t

really like human beings.

But maybe you would if you liked a Burning Man.

I like humanity, but, like, if there was a dog Burning Man where we could go hang out

with dogs, I’m in.

You don’t have to interact with people if you don’t want to.

You could be like, I don’t want to, and just do you, but I feel like you would open up

like a beautiful little…

There’s just still so many fundamental things that Burning Man is lacking for me to be a

good candidate.

And I just think about all the sand in your machine.

I’m open to going, like, a rehab for a while and working on Little Jennifer and writing

letters to Little Jennifer in my non-dominant hand and getting in touch with my inner child.

I’m open to all that shit.

I’d cuddle a teddy bear.

I’d do all this shit in Malibu where normal people go to get in touch with their feelings.

I don’t want to go to the desert and be in a dust storm with goggles.

I think that we could change that.

I think you guys would be so funny.

You guys would be so fun out there because there’s so much to laugh at.

I think you would just have a ball.

You would scream from laughter every day.

But then I’d get sand in my mouth if I scream with laughter.

It’s a minefield.

It’s a minefield of potential issues.

Right.

It’s like, everything’s a good and a bad.

Yeah.

No, my Middle Eastern body has no issue with the dust.

I rarely even need to cover my nose and mouth, you know, unless there’s like a severe dust

storm.

But, you know, I’m from Iran.

It’s so windy in Oklahoma City, my eyes are like swollen after just being like walking

from my car into the office.

Can you imagine?

Well, I’m so happy that you all made it out.

And it looks like we’re not going to have potentially repeat visits in this next calendar

year.

Except for these two.

Except for, you two are going for sure, Nellie and Jen?

We hope to.

Omid’s going to go too.

Jen, Jen.

Peer pressure.

Jen took to it.

You wouldn’t believe.

You know, it’s about having a sense, like, her sense of adventure, I think, is so big

that she just was like, I’ve come home, you know, to the place where I can just have that

infinity.

Like, Jen just having fun.

Well, do you think, has this moved the needle for you at all, Pums, do you think you would

go to Burning Man?

No.

Hard pass.

I don’t like group activities.

I don’t want to do any of those things.

I love the Amalfi Coast.

Love it.

Absolutely.

Do you think you can pamper yourself in luxury while at Burning Man?

Like, just set yourself up really nicely?

Here’s the deal.

I, when I want to be pampered, I don’t want to do that for myself.

What I consider being pampered is having services provided for me by others.

Do you know what I mean?

Well, you could get a spanking and a grilled cheese.

I just would hate for you not to even try it once, you know?

I know.

Just once.

Just once try it.

I would have a lot of hostage demands.

I mean, like, it would be like, I would have a huge demand list.

Who’s the recipient of this list?

Well, y’all are the ones campaigning for me.

Right.

So it sounds like you all are going to be meeting the needs.

I don’t want to go.

Y’all are the ones that want me to go, so I mean, I’ll just provide the list.

It’s going to be you three, you five motherfuckers.

Let me figure it out.

The needle has not moved.

It is my absolute worst possible case scenario is Burning Man.

Like, if you want to tour, you’re very un-Guantanamo.

We just launched our merch page, and guess what one of the shirts is that we’re selling?

Boycott Burning Man.

I don’t mean to be condescending.

Are we condescending?

I don’t really.

I mean, we have a podcast called I’ve Had It.

I think we’re way past being condescending at this point.

Okay.

That’s probably true.

Are there others out there like us that are …

Well, there’s 340 million people in the world and only 70,000 get a Burning Man.

That don’t like fun and creativity.

Burning Man haters.

Yeah.

We hate fun.

I have been that person.

I think it’s normal at one point during the week to be like, what am I doing here?

Yes.

It means really he’s campaigning.

He’s on the public relations tour.

No, I’m saying …

But I want to thank you all so much.

Thank you.

Listen, I know we’re cynical and I know we’re Burning Man haters, but we do love people

and we do love Jen and Nealey and that you all have so much fun together on this trip

and you make all of these memories.

I truly appreciate that and I do think it’s absolutely amazing.

I would love to travel with you guys.

Simply Burning Man is just not an option for me personally.

And I think if I went-

No camping.

You would think to yourself, why the fuck did we campaign to bring this woman with us?

I think that would probably happen.

You’d end up hating her.

It’s fine.

Yeah.

100%.

It’s better this way.

Yeah.

It is better.

And you would really end up hating her.

Right.

She has a party trick.

She would be a million times worse than I would be.

Okay.

So I can hang a hanger off my nipples if I want to.

So that would be my trick for grilled cheeses and chocolate chip cookies.

I would cut that line and be like, move back, motherfuckers.

Watch this.

And I’d be the queen of the whole thing.

She used to be able to balance it with a garment on it.

Yeah.

And now-

Gravity.

Yeah.

Now she can still do just the hanger.

Just the basic wire hanger at this point.

You know.

Probably got about five more years of that.

That’s it.

The nipples are really impressive.

Okay.

Yeah.

They are.

Thank you.

They are.

They’re impressive nipples.

Thank you.

They are.

Thank you.

I mean, it’s like a really elongated pencil eraser that you can actually support something.

And now the death of the podcast.

The last thing we ever say was about my nipples.

We’re so desperate.

We’re dragging out your pony trick.

My pony trick.

My party trick.

All that’s to say, thanks for being on today.

Thank you for being a guest.

Definitely.

It was so fun.

And thank you for being open and vulnerable and sharing in what was probably a hostile

environment for you all.

I really appreciate that.

Never.

And it’s not lost on me that you walk into this hostility and this cynicism and you just

still own your truth.

I love it.

I love that you guys are friends with our friends and I hope that we can go to a five

star hotel together sometime soon.

But not with your baby.

I’m not going to tell you until he’s about 10.

I just don’t like babies very much.

Okay.

I know it’s too late for her.

She’s going to have to go through it.

There’s no way back now.

There’s no way back.

We’ve got to cut, babe.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye guys.

Love you.

Good to see you.

Thanks so much.

Thank you so much.

Bye.

That was…

Was that bad?

Why was that so bad?

I mean…

You’re the bad one.

You’re the one that her people want to come to the pool party.

It’s on a onesie.

I want to say to you guys, I absolutely love your friends.

They’re great.

They’re awesome.

They’re amazing.

I’m so glad that you all have these wonderful experiences with them.

I want to say to everybody, follow us, like us, pumps.

Tell everybody how to find our merch.

I’ve had it dot com.

That was wrong.

That was completely wrong.

I’ve had it podcast dot com.

Yes.

Everybody…

No, you have to do it.

You have to do it.

Okay.

www.ivehaditpodcast.com.

Bye, everyone.

See you next Tuesday.

I’ll tell you what I’ve had it with.

Let’s hear it.

I’ve had it with that.

I’ve had it.

Had it.