I've Had It - Weather Woodies and Rain Curtains

One, two, three, that wasn’t my best effort.

Hold on.


Did it again.


One, two, three.

That was good.

That was better.

Why don’t you start us off?

Hi, I’m Angie.

AKA pumps.

I’m here with my friend, Jay Welch, Jennifer.

What’s the name of our podcast?

I’ve had it podcast and to start us off, I got to stop you right there.

You did it all out of order.

First we talk about what we’ve had it with, the small ones, then we’ll do the introduction.

Well then, since you have a rule on how it goes, why don’t you be the starter?


Start clap.

Oh my God.

That just reminded me of a huge, I’ve had it.

Oh, I cannot wait.


One, two, three.

All right.

Tell me what you’ve had it with.

I’ll tell you what I’ve had it with.


This is a true story.


We go to a march, a rally before voting and we marched down to the Capitol, blah, blah,

So Jennifer is the chant leader.

I’m the person that has the microphone, like the walkie talkie.

So she’d be like, okay, tell them we’re doing chant to it.

I’m like, okay, I get ready to do the walkie talkie.

She is in my boob, has grabbed the walkie talkie and is talking to it, into it.

This doesn’t happen once.

This happens every single time, every single time.

And I wanted just to throw it at you and go, you fucking do it.

I am the worst.

I’m guilty as charged.

I thought you were going to start breastfeeding any moment.

I mean, you were right there.

It was attached to my jacket, sitting on one of the dragons.

According to my, um, what was that episode at my horoscope?


Probably somewhat controlling.

And I would, I thought she, they’re not going to hear her.

She’s not doing it right.

So I did.

I’m the loudest person in 15 counties.

You think they couldn’t hear me?

You’re just want to be the sheriff all the time.

Even volunteer work, you need to be a sheriff.

It’s bad.

God, it’s bad.

Isn’t it?

And you know what?

I don’t think I can change.

Oh God.

No, we’re too old to change.


No, I know.

It’s really bad.

It’s a huge character defect.

Well, but I mean, on the opposite side, you are the sheriff.

I mean, nobody gets more shit done and gets more people laid out and how it’s supposed

to roll than you.

So I would rather you be breastfeeding slash calling the chance in a parade rather than

keeping all the other balls in there.

That was a really good.

I’ve had it.

And I just remembered it.

I deserved it.

Well, let me tell you what I’ve had it with.

Lay it on me.

Hulu and HBO.


And I’ll tell you why.


Nobody wants to watch one episode of Handmaid’s Tale at a time like a civilized, normal person

that moderates their life.

We’re way past that.

Netflix has taught us that we can take a show and inject it straight into our veins.

Episode after episode, season after season.

And then Hulu trots out Handmaid’s Tale, which is fantastic.

Love it.

Love it.

And then they torture you with the slow drip.

Same with HBO and Succession or the White Lotus.

It’s not enough of a hit for me and I’m not civilized nor patient enough nor do I moderate

myself enough with television to want to watch one episode a week like a normal person.


I think House of Cards was the first one that you got to binge.

That was the beginning.

And so that was like 15 years ago.

So to take us from we can watch the whole thing in one weekend to spreading it out over

10 weeks, it feels like cruel and unusual punishment.

It really does.

So I want to say this, Hulu and HBO, we have fucking had it.

Because we’re paying no matter what.

We have to pay in.

We have the streaming device.

We’re customers.

So why not just give us what we want?

You could pop out more TV.

Surely there’s an economic reason that they could even crank out more.

I think they’re trying to keep you interested like back in the day when you had to watch


We’re past that as a society.

No, I’m saying we’ve evolved way past that.

We’re way past that.

I agree.

I just wait now until the whole thing’s out.

And then I just watch it.

I try.

I try to do that.

But I am such a successful television watcher.

You have such elite, elite skills.

I have such elite skills that sometimes I finish Netflix or I finish Hulu.

And so then I am forced to watch them as they are presented to me, which obviously I’m very

butthurt about.

Jen and Nealy, do y’all agree that this is – we’re as a society, we’re way past

We’re devolving in this area as a society instead of evolving.

Social media.

Even if you want to wait until everything – but everyone’s posting about it so you

don’t want to miss out or get spoilers.

So you have to watch when it comes out.


It’s a total –


I haven’t noticed that.

Total spoiler alert situation.


If you –

I mean, even like CNN or Variety, like they’ll post about it.

And that annoys me so much.

Oh, you know what we do now?

I would like to welcome everybody to our podcast.

The name of it is I’ve Had It.

And I am one of the co-hosts.

My name is Jennifer.

And my other co-host, what’s your name, my dear?



We call her Pumps.

And we have Jen Morton, Nealy, and Richard who chime in.

They’ve had it with a variety of things.

But I’ll tell you one thing that – Pumps and I are from Oklahoma City.

Jen and Nealy are – Nealy’s from New York.

Jen’s from California but they both live in LA.

And so they have that – you know, fuck you, first of all, for living in California

and having the ocean, mountains, and 75 degree weather all the time.

I mean that is like – that’s why people live there.

It’s showing off.


So we in the Great Plains get weather systems a lot.

So we have this phrase called being weather aware.

And we have to be aware especially in the spring because tornadoes can come.

And so that’s fine.

You know, you’re weather aware.

You have a smart phone that can talk to you and do lots of things.

But there’s a whole dark side to this.

And it is the meteorologists.


They want to grandstand.

Like they’ll see a weather pattern.

They’ll get on their raging hard-ons.

They’re so excited to talk about it, to tell you.

And guess what happens?

Fucking nothing.

Fucking nothing.


I remember a few years ago the weathermen are like, listen up, Oklahoma City.

We are going to get 30 inches of snow.

Get ready.

You’re going to be hunkered down.

The roads are not going to be drivable.

Schools will be closed.

Offices will be closed.

While they’re making this prediction, there’s not a cloud in the sky.



This is like – it’s incoming like 72 hours, two to three days from now.

They cancel school.

So everybody goes and panic buys.


All the grocery stores are completely cleaned out.

COVID style.

Like you can’t find toilet paper.

Any of the – all the good shit’s gone.


They cancel schools.

They cancel work.

Kids are so excited.

Moms are furious.


Because they have to stay home with the kids.

Nothing worse than a snow day.

Wake up that morning that – it’s the worst.

The snow days are the worst.

The worst.

The worst.

You’re in kid jail.

But anyway, I woke up that morning.

Look out the window.

And much to my surprise, there was not one goddamn snowflake.


And so all the schools are canceled.

You’re completely dicked over.

The kids are at home.

You’re having to watch kid shows.

You’re having to cook.

You’re not at work.

I mean, it’s the worst.

So basically, there’s a lot of lying liars.

The thing about it is, which infuriates me, if I was as terrible at my job as they are

at their job, I would be fired.

Everything they say is not true.

And yet we still – listen, like people still like, oh my gosh, did you go to the grocery


Did you have to get in your shelter?

Blah, blah, blah.

When I first came out to Oklahoma and met you guys in 2016 –


It was May.

I remember.

And there was a big tornado in the first couple of days.

I called Jay Welch and I was like, what are we going to do?

She’s like, don’t be scared of the tornadoes.

The best part is you need to come over here and we’re going to watch the meteorologists.

She goes, it’s their Super Bowl.

They love it.

It’s the best day of their lives.

Remember, you were scared though because the tornado sirens, you were like, oh my gosh,

the tornado sirens.

She’s like, oh, we ignore those.

I was scared.

Was that your first time?


I was scared.

We’re not scared at all.


If you’re born and raised in Oklahoma and it’s like tornadoes, I’m sorry.

I didn’t know.

That’s my bad.

I think we need to get into the storm chaser at some point.

What the fuck is wrong with those people?


I do have one kind of funny story.


Let’s hear it.

When your school, they never shut down for snow days.

When we, my kids were little, I remember specifically getting on to see if school was canceled and

then taking so much joy in the fact that you got to take your kids to school.


Today we have a really fun guest, Matt and Jake, the hosts of Reality Gaze.


And Matt is actually an Ardmore, Oklahoma native.

And apparently he is always trying to tell his co-hosts about all the shit going down

in Oklahoma with the weather and he doesn’t believe it.

So let’s have them on.


And we’re going to talk about this fuckery going on with meteorologists.


Hi, y’all.


I love y’all.

You know what?

I’ve been trying to be good, but fuck it.

It’s an Oklahoma show.

I’m having a Dr. Pepper.

Good for you.

Do it.

I’m going to do it.

Why not?

That should be Jake.

I’ll never forget.

I was in a waiting room with my kid one time and somebody was pouring Dr. Pepper into their

baby’s bottle.

And I just thought, only in Oklahoma are we serving Dr. Pepper in our baby bottles.

That’s some Lone Grove, Oklahoma shit that I saw.

Is that where you’re from?

Lone Grove?

Originally Lone Grove.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Grew up there on Lone Grove.

And then Jake and I met at North Texas.

We went to college together.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Jake.

Oh, so like the Mean Green Eagles?


North Texas Mean Green.

That’s where we went to school.

You guys like have your own talk show set up.

I love that.

I know.

We’re not fucking around.

Oh, Jake.

Like you’re in like nice chairs.

Like I expect Oprah to have something underneath the chairs.

There is zero fucking around with I’ve Had It podcast.

That’s right.

One day when I can afford it, Jennifer is going to redo my California house.

I just have to get that house first.

I just need to buy that house.

It’s only a couple million.

I have pumpers as this year.

I quote you all the time because people say, that’s so funny.

I said, I didn’t say it’s pumps.

I say 2022 has been a Lazy Susan of shit sandwiches and I just keep eating them.


I mean, isn’t that the truth?

Sometimes you just feel like you cannot get off the Lazy Susan at all.

That was college.

See, I thought college was fun.

No, I was talking about lying on my Lazy Susan, just being thrown around.

So Matt, you’re from Oklahoma originally.

Went to Ardmore.

I did live in Oklahoma city for about a year.

I started my grad school at OCU.

I lived in the El Paseo.

I’m from South Carolina originally, but I went to school in Texas and I’ve lived in

a town called Pickens or Greenville.

It’s a, if you know, South Carolina geography at all, it looks like a piece of pie.

I’m from the, the tip of the pie where it’s basically inbreeding and moonshine.

So let me ask you this.

Are you low country or high country?

I am high country, but low country food is so much better than high country food.

So what we were talking about before we had you guys on is something that we’ve absolutely

had it with our meteorologists.

A hundred percent.

They are lying liars.

They are complete lying liars.

They get everybody into hysterics.

Everybody’s out panic buying, you know, going fucking crazy, stockpiling shit and then quarantining

all up.

You’ve got, they’ve canceled school and if you’re a parent, it’s fucking miserable.

School is the only thing that is a bridge to sanity as a mother is taking that child

and dropping it off at school.

So it’s a total dick over.

And then you wake up in the morning and guess what?

There’s no fucking snow.


How do they get away with this?

They should be prosecuted.

I agree.

I agree.

There’s no oversight.

There’s an attorney.

There’s no oversight.

Gone are the days of Gary England that you can actually trust.

If you live in Oklahoma, the meteorologists are like big time local celebrities because

they’re gods and we have major weather systems and so you have major weather.

So Gary England was this calm, stable voice that you grew up with your whole life and

he didn’t go bananas.

He didn’t go hysterical.

He didn’t have the weather woody when he was talking about tornadoes because these guys

have erections big time.


They’re way too excited about a tornado.



It’s going to be huge damage.

It’s going to level entire towns.

Gary England had big dick weather energy.

He was calm about it.

You are 100% right.

Big dick weather energy.

Big dick weather.

Whereas, but I have to say Jake and I’ve talked about on our podcast, I guess, are they still

scientists in Oklahoma?

Cause I didn’t live there in 19 years.

Are they still scientists?

Because in California we have weathermen.

It’s weathermen.

Dallas Rains.

Dallas Rains.

They say that’s his real name.

That is an actual person’s name.

He is extremely tan.

When you do weather here, it never, nothing really changes that much.

So like it’s, it is overcast today and people are expecting the end of the world.

No one knows what’s going on.

We were supposed to meet someone later for dinner and I said, I can’t, it’s overcast.

I’m telling you, it’s either Dallas Rains or it’s women who were models with just oversized

huge jugs that had no hooters that they were never taken a science class.

So I don’t, are they still scientists in Oklahoma?

I think they are.


I think they are meteorologists.

Because they roll out big words.

Like when tornadoes are happening, it’s like there is there the rain curtains and the vortex

and what are all the words they use?

That all sounds believable and real.

I don’t agree.

I just ignore them.

So I have no help on that.

No, it’s a, it’s, they trot out and I mean they’re full blown and you can tell they get

excited because it’s like they studied all this stuff and then it’s coming to fruition

and it’s, there is like this sociopathic excitement that they have.

It’s a narcissism.

Trailer homes are getting leveled and they’re like, look at that folks, that’s a mile wide.

South Carolina weathermen are like that because we have tornadoes and in the summertime or

like late summer, it’ll be like, folks, we’ve got an all out barrage going down on Walhalla.

It is going to wipe out most of the county.

We have satellites all over the planet right now.

I can get on Google Earth and basically zoom in on Pumps’s nipple.

And let me tell you, she has some high quality nipples because one of her hidden talents

is she can balance a wire hanger on her nipple.

It used to be a wood hanger, but with age, with age, she’s had to demotivate to a wire


I digress.

You know, I’m gay, so it wouldn’t matter.

I kind of want to see that.

You know what?

I’ll show you off the camera.

I’m totally fine.

Everybody who’s ever had more than two drinks with me in this entire county has seen that



She’ll try to tit out.

I mean, it’s almost clinical.

It’s not sexual.


Like if the party’s like winding down, we got to.

Like shaking hands.


Do you guys want to see the nipple trick?


I’ve seen Jake get naked at three different parties.

I’m ready to throw it out anytime.

Usually it’s parties that a lot of people aren’t getting naked at.

I choose to do it.

So how did you all meet in college?

I’m dying to know this.

We got hired to teach at the same fine arts camp in the Berkshires in Massachusetts.

And Jake was a grad student at the time and I was an undergrad.

So even those programs don’t even mix a lot.

Even though I’m 18 months older than you, do you always make it sound like I’m 30 years

older than you?

Jake, I totally get that.

Jennifer acts like-

I’m much younger than you.

She’s always like, I’m much younger than you.

I’m like four years is not that much.

Think about all the things you had accomplished it for when I was just a little baby.

This is what she said.

So I call her, trying to be nice, a good friend, I’m like, Hey, go get your COVID booster at

the drugstore.

They have them in.

Blah, blah, blah.

She goes, Oh, I’m too young for the COVID booster.

I’m too.

She’s like, you’re such a-

That’s for seniors.

You had to be 50 to get the COVID booster and spoiler alert, I’m still two years shy

of that.

I’m just paving the way for you.

Well, like I’ll know all the tricks in the nursing home before she gets there.

We’re like, we’ve got to go out to the bars.

We drove like 45 minutes to this bar in Western Massachusetts called the Red Door.

And I mean-

No, Club Red.

A Club Red.

The Red Door is a perfume you marry.

That’s true.


We went out to Club Red, which it is not Angles.

This is not a nice gay bar.


This is not like a dance-

Slut Angles.

This is Angles.

Angles is a bar in Oklahoma City.

We love it.


It’s so fun.

It’s closed.

They all have names like that.

Angles, Attitudes.


The Rec Room.

The bars.

Did you, Jake, did you know the 80s shows, Dallas, iconic show Dallas?

J.R. Hewing.


In Dallas, there was-

I knew Dallas.

J.R.’s and then was the big gay bar and then across the street, Sue Ellen’s, which I thought

was so cool.

Oh yeah, J.R.’s.

I went to J.R.’s a lot.

Stand in circles and talk to gay men you had no chance with.

But it’s funny you bring that up, Jen, because Poodle called me after a night of going out

to J.R.’s because that was our stopping ground.

J.R.’s, Sue Ellen’s.

This is a real story.

It’s a real story.

Eddie, my friend and I who lived in L.A. for a while said we’d lived there for like a year

and we’re like, you need to come to L.A. and he’s like, no, no, no.

I’m in school here.

I’m finishing my doctorate.

Like I’m a serious academic person.

I can’t leave.

And he’s like, OK, fine.

And so he called me and he said, this is the morning after and I said, you sound rough.

He’s like, yeah, I got a little drunk last night.

He said, well, I looked around the club and I was talking about seven different people

and I realized I’d fucked all of them.

It’s time to move on.

Well, not all of them, but all of them, at least by proxy, like in other words, I’d slept

with like three people who I was talking to, but those three people had slept with the

other three more than once.

That literally was it.

And I said, I think it’s time to go on to greener pastures.

So that was you’re an academic scholar devoted to your studies and the most unacademic

decision ever leads you to L.A.

Yeah. What was your doctorate in?

Yeah. I did three years of coursework in musicology when I was doing my career and doing

my academic degree.

I was like, this is I don’t think I want to be teaching school like in colleges my

whole life. Either of y’all teach, do you teach at a law school or do you teach interior

design, Jen?

No, but I would rather I would rather paint the interior walls of my house with a Q-tip

two coats than teach a fucking class.

Yeah. I don’t like people.

I don’t like stupid questions and classrooms are rotten with stupid questions.

I would be a terrible teacher.

I don’t have the patience.

If if I told somebody how to do something once and they came and asked me how to do it

again, I would I don’t think I would be compassionate.

Your empathy might be a little small.

Yeah. It might be just a touch off.

You’d be out the first day, Jen, because someone would ask you the same thing four

times in the first ten minutes of class.

I have to tell you this.

Are you sure that you’re qualified to even to advance this far in school?

This far? I have I just want to say that I agree with you on that.

And something definitely I wasn’t planning on talking, but you triggered me.

I have had it with people wasting my time.

And the worst of the worst, if you can’t do something, you can’t show up.

Whatever. Just tell me don’t waste my fucking time.

But the worst waste of time for me is when you’re in a class and someone everybody’s

ready to go. The lecture is done and someone raises their hand and they ask a question

that’s only the most specific question for their own fucking life and has nothing to

do with anyone else.

It drives me insane.

Oh, my gosh. We’re in a simulation right now because we just had this conversation

last night. Like, do not be the person that asks the question specific to you when

everybody’s done trying to get out of there.

My son, my oldest son, was going to New York on a class field trip, OK?

And the teachers were taking the students.

The parents couldn’t go.

So I have to go to this fucking parent meeting.

Right. Which is I mean, it is fingernails on a chalkboard for me to sit down with all

the power moms. So we go through the circle jerk of all the stuff and all the rules and


Exactly. And then we’re at the tail end of it.

And then here comes the hand.

She raises it up.

And here’s the question she asks.

She said, you know, do you all have a backup plan?

In case there is a 9-11 style terror attack

while the kids are in New York.

And I audibly said, for fuck’s sake, because I’m thinking, don’t send your fucking

kid to New York if you’re that worried about it.

Then, yeah, your kid doesn’t go to New York.

I would I would have this was I was teaching in college.

I was a grad student and parents, parents of my students, the college students would

call me. And if I was if I was either if I gave them a

sort of like a grade like, well, you don’t understand.

Jenny’s really she’s been having a rough, rough semester.

And so she hasn’t really been there a lot.

And I never heard any over on the bar.

I know. Doing jealous Jenny for babes.

That’s what her problem.

That’s what she’s doing.

Yeah. Jenny hasn’t shown up for class in four weeks.

She’s last time I saw her, she was getting dragged out of some club.

So you need to worry about your daughter, not her grades.

I had a woman email me and she totally is like, I just I wanted to pitch my daughter to

be an intern for Jennifer Welch Design.

She’s really interested in interior design.

Did the mother send this?

The mother. And I responded, I only hire interns that send their own resumes to me and

are at least a junior or senior in college majoring in interior design.

Thank you so much for the information, signed Jennifer, because I’m just like immediately

not going to hire your daughter.

No, because I’m not going to have your ass up here running around.

Why the fuck isn’t she emailing?

Right. She loves it.

Let me ask y’all a question.

Huge red flag.

Let me. Speaking of red flags, I want to ask y’all a question.

So Pops has a son that’s 22 years old and in college.

And we go to dinner one night and she is like.

Angry, texting somebody, and then she takes a phone call and I go, that had to have been

one of your kids, what’s going on?

She goes, oh, Sam’s mad at me about something that I said in the mom group me.

And I was like, pump the brakes, pump the fucking brakes.

She has browbeat me.

You’re in a mom group me for a 22 year old.

Who are these people and who are these monsters that they are raising?

Because and so I talked to Sam about it and he’s like, please get my mom out of that.

I don’t. Thank you, Jenny.

I’m an adult. I don’t need my mom.

And what do y’all think about that?

Well, Pops, I want to know, why are you in there?

Why are you in there?

I agree.


What keeps you there?

Well, okay.

I’ll tell you exactly what keeps me there.

Like Sam is the worst at saying, okay, like parents weekend is this.

We go to Follies.

You got to buy tickets.

Like there’s no information communicated whatsoever.

And the moms always know like what time, what t-shirt we’re supposed to buy, where

we’re supposed to meet.

Now I understand that he’s too old for that.

I do.

And he doesn’t communicate.

He’s not really in, probably he just doesn’t want me to get involved.

I wonder why he doesn’t communicate well.

I mean, I don’t know.

Can y’all take a stab at that?

Jen is not, she’s not impressed.

I think the whole idea of a mom group me sounds terrifying.

Let me tell you what I have to go through.


My son, my youngest son recently switched schools and there’s this mom group me and

it has, I can look it up right now.

Hang on, hold tight.

Let me tell you how many unread group me, um, messages I have in the class.

I have 150 unread messages in the mom group me.

And you know what’s going to happen if I never read them?

Nothing, nothing, zero.

The last time I was in there, this is why I decided not to check it anymore.

Let’s do a mom get together and we can go to Cosa Bella kitchen where we can all take

a pasta cooking class.

I have several fucking problems with that.

Sounds like hell.

Number one, I don’t like group activities.

If I’m going out for the evening, I don’t want to cook.

I want, right.

I want the cooking to be done for me.

And they’re probably going to listen to this and they’re probably going to think I’m the

biggest bitch, but I’m okay with it.

It probably already.

They’re probably right.

Then they’re going to pray.

Then they’re going to pray over the pasta.

There’s going to be a prayer.


It’s going to be a whole, a whole thing.

I think I’m on some other.

We just want to come to you.

We just want to come to you.

We, we say father.

We just on our shows where you, you have a, you do a father.

We just prayer where you say, father, we just want to thank you or we just father.

We just prayers.

I grew up.

We just, we just want to thank you for this gluten.

We want to keep gluten in America, less this nourishment to our bodies and the other gluten

people who don’t want them need to know what’s up lower.

We pray for them.

How many prayer lists do you think you’re on?

Oh, the sins that I think my family commit, everyone’s praying for all of us and they’re

all kind of similarly bad.


We’re just my brother.

My brother will smoke weed occasionally and like the extended family know about it.

And they’re like, I just, it’s just, he’s smoking that and it’s not good for him.

Here’s what I get from my mother.

You know, marijuana is a gateway track.

A gateway to calming your ass down.

Jake, are you drinking sweet tea?

No, I’m drinking water, but I, I, I grew up with sweet tea.

Let me show you.

Actually, let me show you what I’ve had it with.

Oh God, that has ever happened.

Everywhere we go, she’s got this fucking cup and then she has a backup at all times and

she has to have liquid going in the body all the time.

All the time.

She’s, he’s got a wonder woman thing that pisses me the fuck off cause I can hear it


Oh my gosh.

She just got it.


She just got mad at me before you come on slurping on a.

There it goes.

No, I’m with you.

I’ve had that shit.

I’ve had, I have to carry around large beverages.

You don’t see doing that.

They don’t.

My mama does that.

I mean, here’s the thing.

There’s water right over there, but you never know.

Just go get it.

What if, what if you get stranded in some place and you need a drink and it also, it

keeps it so cold.

I mean, my mother, I mean, people in LA don’t get this, but we talk about like

we’re back where we’re from.

If somebody says they’re going to happy hour, you know, they’re going to Sonic.

They’re not going to a bar because everybody goes to happy hour at Sonic and

my mom, she’d be like, it’s happy hour, baby.

And she’s going to Sonic to get her.

I just put some vodka in it.


Pepper with diet cherry light on the ice route 40, but it’s 44, 44 here.

I’ve had it with all of that shit.

You can drink out of glasses and that’s been good enough for everyone before that.

I agree.

I’ve had it with all of that shit.

Jake doesn’t believe all the stories that I talk about.

I’ve had it with Oklahoma stories, which I don’t believe are real.

He was talking about all the towns he lives like, well, you know, Davis and they all,

none of them sound real.

And this guy, Wayne Payne, he was talking about way pain.

Mm hmm.

Wayne Payne, a toka, a toka.

Yeah, there is a story in the pan.

I mean, a city in the panhandle of Oklahoma that is called hooker and their team

mascot is the hooker horny toads right next door to hooker is beaver and their

mascot are the deep beaver dusters.

No, it is true.

Welcome to the beaver duster territory.

That’s good.

Hooker horny toads.

It’s fantastic.

I was a mascot in high school.

I was the Lone Grove Longhorn, so I don’t know what it would be like to be a beaver


Yes, beaver duster or a hooker horny toad.

I guess that I still can’t believe that high school mascots are still a big, like

you’re telling me in high school, people I heard about when I went to college, people

dressed up as their mascots.

You’re telling you have a whole in Oklahoma.

They have like a whole high school history.


No, it’s a big deal.

Thank you.

I just, thank you.

He went to a mascot camp.

I did go to mascot.

Do you know how much those mascots make?

I about fell over when I found out like a professional team mascot.

Like we have the rumble, the buffalo for the thunder.

Those mascots make about half a million dollars a year.





Hell, I could do that.

Oh shit.

Dress me up as rumble and send me out of a cannon.

I’m your girl.

I once tried to do a, uh, a cartwheel in high school and then the, uh, the longhorn

head came off, I fell over and then children started screaming and saying,

Bruno’s dad, it didn’t go good.

That’s the Cardinal sin of mascot.


You can’t, you cannot talk, you cannot show your head as a mascot.

And people that do, I have disrespect for them.

Cause I don’t have a lot of arrogance about a lot of things y’all, but

I was a damn good fucking mascot.

I love it.

I love it that you guys are so like in tune to Oklahoma.

It looks like we have so much in common.

Who would have ever known?

I love it.

And when you come to Oklahoma.

I feel like I, I feel like I’ve lived there half of my life just hearing the



We are a lot cheaper now.


I remember Arbuckle wilderness because the commercials used to come on in North

Texas, it was still a market and we, and he started singing the Arbuckle wilderness

song and I through like imprinting or something, just, he’s like, come see the

animals at Arbuckle wilderness.

The animals are waiting for you.

And so now all of our listeners, we will sing it.

We’ll go to a live show when we go to, we will sing it.

And this is not an Oklahoma city.

We’ll go to like fucking Seattle and everybody in Seattle will sing.

Come see the animals at Arbuckle wilderness.

And I basically, one of the reasons I started saying it was, it was when like when

stupid people, that’s another thing I’ve had it with.

It was stupid.

People try to engage with wild animals at all and should be murdered.

There’s a reason you were murdered.


That bison gored someone in like North Dakota, cause they were trying to get a


And I was like, you can get gored by a bison at Arbuckle wilderness.

They should just let the animals out of the cages and just have what, have fun

whatever with those people.


If you want your picture taken with an animal, here’s your real picture.

Take this.

They probably got their Christmas show up now, it’s probably very pretty now.

I’m a big person who doesn’t like private zoos of any kind.

Cause I just think they’re ridiculous.

They are.

And it’s weird to own lots of wild animals.


Uh, and I, I, I just like, let it, let it, let the animals go and let them, let

them just like eat the people who had the private zoo.

Let the animals have the last laugh.

Well, guys, we have to go, but thank you both.

We’re going to have, we’re, we’re excited.

We’re planning, uh, we’re planning with Jen, your producer.

We’re going to have you on our show.

All right.

Thanks for having us.

It was so fun.

See you soon.

Those guys are so much fun.


Like I want to go stay at their house and live for a little bit.

I love the Southern accents.

It’s so comforting.


And I love how he tortures the other one with all the Oklahoma stories.


Follow us on all the shit.

Like all the shit.

Say bye to the audience.

Assuming there is one.

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