I've Had It - Stick Figure Families

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I would like to welcome everyone to this very special bonus episode of I’ve Had It podcast

with myself, Jennifer, Angie, we call her Pumps.

Pumps, I have a little something I want to share with you that you can put in my file.


File it away.

To pull out whenever you want to browbeat me.

Oh, good.

I love these kind of files.

I’m going to make myself vulnerable and share a little embarrassing moment I had.

I cannot wait.

So some girlfriends and I went to the pickleball courts Thursday morning and we were playing

an open play, which means you play with people you don’t know.

So my friend Kim and I played with a gentleman named Robin and his wife named Donna and they

kicked our asses.

Robin’s 79.

Oh my gosh.

Donna’s 76.

Boy, that hurt.

It was 11-6.

They beat us by five points.

That was-

Your pride, man.

That hurts the old pride.

It was rough, rough, rough.


Do you think they were tennis players before or just really good at pickleball since they

were retired?

The thing is they hang out up at this gym all the time.

After they kicked our ass, they’re like, bye, we’re going to our 11 o’clock exercise class.

And they just hang out at the gym all the time and exercise, which I think is a great

retirement plan.


Good for them.

They’ll live forever.

They were in great shape.

But anyway, as you know, on these bonus content episodes, we like to hear from our listeners

and we want to hear what you’ve had it with.

So Kylie’s loaded up some voice memos that our listeners have sent to us via Instagram.

Let’s see what she got for us.

The first one is Kendra H.

I have had it with people and their goddamn cell phones on speaker.

I do not give a shit about your phone conversation.

Nobody gives a shit about the show you’re watching, the movie you’re watching, the conversation

you’re having.

No one.

We don’t care if you are on a two-way call with Oprah and Beyonce.

We don’t want to fucking hear it.

Get some earphones or go the fuck outside.

But do not sit around in public places with your fucking speakerphone on.

It is my absolute biggest pet peeve.

I mean, Kendra has had it.

She has had it up to her eyeballs.

I love it.

I love it.

It is so good.

But it’s true.

It’s so true.

When she said that, I was like, I’ve seen people FaceTime other people at restaurants.

And I’m like, what the fuck?

It makes no sense.

She’s 100% right.

Nobody cares.

It’s rude.

Go outside.

I think the one that gets me the most is when you have like John Q. business.

He’s at an airport.

He’s in a restaurant and he’s got, you know, his work attire on and he’s got the ear pods



And he’s talking way louder than you would on a normal phone conversation.

Telling everybody at the entire gate that’s departing for San Francisco how goddamn busy

he is.

And important.


And it is just, I’ll tell you what, you know, I think we offer 3 million and then we shifted

over here and escrow and it just goes on and on.

And it’s like, here’s the deal, John.

We get it.

You’re hot stuff.

You can speak loudly.

You can talk about big numbers, right?

But nobody gives a fuck, right?

No one.

No one across the board.

Probably even the people you’re talking to don’t give a shit.

They’re just so excited for you to get on the plane.


So they can’t talk to you at all.

Now, cell phone etiquette is something that definitely needs to be explored in just a

full episode unto itself.


But, you know, I think, remember, did your boys do cotillion?

Dylan made it halfway through and hated it so much.


That for this up and coming generation, like our kids age, which is that Gen Z?



The Gen Zers should have to have a phone etiquette cotillion.

Here’s the deal.

Old boomers are terrible.


They are huge offenders.


With technology.

You’re right.

I mean, so let’s start with the boomers and then backpedal.

The Gen Zers don’t even know how to make a phone call.


Much less abuse it screaming.

It’s these boomers that are out there screaming on the phone like crazy people.

Yeah, that’s probably right.

I think you’re probably right about that, but they’re never going to change.


I mean, I was 25 when cell phones were invented and those were in the car.

I forget how old you are.

You were the biggest bitch on the planet.

It’s true.

I’ve had it with you being four years younger than me and being five decades.

I mean, I was a lot younger than you when cell phones came out.

That’s a fact.

You were in college.

I was in law school.

That’s not that different.

I was in high school.

Oh, that’s bullshit.

I was in high school.

I remember it specifically.

I don’t believe that.

I’m calling Linda after this.

Like she’s going to remember?

Listener, Linda’s my mom.

Okay, Kylie.

Well, first of all, I want to say, Kendra, we agree with you.


We have had it.

You get five gold stars for your presentation and how well you portrayed.

I could feel the rage and I share it with you.


Love it.


We should do a whole episode on cell phone etiquette.

That’s a great idea.

Thanks, Kendra.

I’m chock full of great ideas.

It was Kendra’s idea.

All right.

Fuck off.

All right.

Kylie, what’s next?

Up next, we’ve got Matthew H.

Oh, a man.

I have fucking had it, had it with people who are spelling their kids’ names.

Totally fucking stupid.

Like Brooklyn.

Like I’m seeing B-R-O-O-K-L-Y-Y-Y-N-N-N.

What’s the fucking point?


Why can’t it just be regular as Brooklyn?

I don’t understand what’s going on, but it’s getting ridiculous.

I could not agree more.

That’s a huge problem.

Huge problem.

And I think it’s like the parents think that they’re, oh my gosh, this is such a cute spelling.

Da da da da.

I’m like, as an adult, no one wants to spell their name that is easily spelled the other

way all the time.

Matthew, I could not agree with you more.

These parents think they’re being cute and creative, and they’re totally dicking their

kid over.


They’re totally dicking their kid over.

Like Jennifer.

I have a friend whom I love.

She’s Jennifer with a G, one N. See, I mean, that’s ridiculous.


And here’s the deal.

If you’re a Jennifer, which you can just say Jennifer and everybody knows how to spell




But then there’s also like Christy.

There’s C-H-R-I-S-T-Y.



Lots of different spellings.


It’s a fucking minefield, Christy.

Christy is a minefield.

Christy is a total minefield.

I think the Christys, though, I don’t think there are any new Christys being born.

I think it’s all like Riley, Kylie, Biley, Briley.

I mean, just all kinds.

Did you just insult Kylie?

I’m not insulting her.

I’m just saying that’s what the names are going, the L-Y.

But let’s tackle Kylie.

Sorry, Kylie.

But there’s K-I-L-E-Y.



See, the Y where the first vowel should be is just ridiculous.

And that’s what he was saying, Brooklyn, you know.

And Matthew, it’s a hundred percent, a hundred percent, a huge problem.

Huge problem.

are dicking over their kids because it’s one thing.

It’s assumed you have to spell your last name at most places.

But if you’re pregnant right now and you’re listening to this podcast and you have your

baby name list going and you’ve got some spelling that you think is so cute, it’s so unique,

you’re only abusing your child for the rest of their life.

It’s child abuse.

I don’t know that I’ll go that far, but it is stupid.

It’s stupid.

Like, Emily, E-M-I-L-I-E-G-H, like that’s, no, that’s not even right.


It’s stupid.

Yeah, it’s dumb.

It’s dumb.


Matthew, excellent.


Minnie had it.

Love it.

And I love we have a male listener.

I do, too.

I have to tell you how one of my friends spells Kylie.


Capital K-Y, apostrophe.


Capital L-E-I.

But see, that’s not her fault.

That’s her stupid parents.

And that’s dumb.

That’s dumb.

Why would anybody handicap their kid like that with a name?

I want to say to capital K, little Y, apostrophe, capital L, little E, little I, I want to tell

you I’m sorry.


Sorry that your parents did that to you because for the rest of your fucking life, everybody’s

going to misspell.

Your name.





I hosted a baby shower once for my friend, Shelly.

I sent out the invites, and it was like a shower for Shelly, S-H-E-L-L-Y.

And then she’s like, hey, I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but it’s with an I.

So I reprint the invitations, S-H-E-L-L-I.

Come to find out, she didn’t tell me the third time, it’s S-H-E-L-I.

So I sent them out, and they’re all misspelled, and she’s a friend of mine.

It’s too much.

It’s too much.

It’s too much.

Somebody needs to, we need to have oversight over these names.

The Department of Vital Statistics needs to have a kickoff button.

Like if you spell your kid’s name weird, they’re going to kick it off, you have to try again.

That’s a great idea.

Maybe you could spearhead that department.

I should.

I should.

You could be the committee.

I could be the committee and the kicker offer.

That would be so fun.



All right.

I like it.


All right.

Who’s next?

Up next is Chelsea R.



Hi, my name is Chelsea, and I have had it with bumper stickers, specifically ones that

say your child is a honor student.

We do not care if your child is an honor student.

Also the ones that list their kids’ names on the back of their car with which each activity

they’re in.

We don’t give a shit.

That is such a great one that I haven’t even thought about ever.

But when you’re sitting behind somebody and they have like the husband sticker, the wife

sticker, you know, four kids.

The stick figures?

The stick figures.

And then like three dogs.

It’s like, shut up.

No one cares.

I have had it.

I can’t believe you’ve never thought about this.


I mean, as in I’ve had it since we’ve been doing the podcast.

That’s a great one that I have when I sit behind that car.

Well, I mean, and here’s the deal.

Instead of the bumper sticker saying, proud parent of an honor student, you know, at Joe

Blow Elementary School, I think the sticker should say, I am the asshole parent raising

an entitled child that I’m trying to peak in high school.

You know, I mean, like.

It might be a little long for a bumper sticker.

It probably is.

But it really, I’m just like, shut the, everybody’s kids are special to them.


All of our kids do stuff that warrants a bumper sticker to us, knock it off, get it off the

back of your car, and then just the stick figure families.

I mean, I have had it.

They are terrible.

I have had it with the stick figure families.

I’m like, I don’t even think it’s clever, eh?

We all learn how to draw a stick figure when we’re two, right?

And then it’s like a child drawing.

I was like, why?

Out of all the things you can put on the car, you live with all these people.


So what’s the point?

I don’t know.

I mean, I guess it’s just like a humble brag that you have three kids.

Like nobody cares.

No one loves their animals as much as I do.

That’s probably true.

I mean, there are very little things that I wouldn’t do to ensure that my dogs know how

special they are and how much I love them.

And it’s kind of crazy.

It’s bananas.

It’s fucking ape shit off the wall.

There’s no doubt about it.

But if Cha-Cha and Tebby came to me and wanted me to put a sticker on the back of my car

with like mom and the two Frenchies, we could have a lot of problems.

That could be a real divider in that family.

No, these stickers are a huge, huge, huge problem.

Yeah, agreed.

I’ve had it.

That’s a great I’ve had it.

Chelsea, we have had it.

Kylie, who’s next?

Your last one is Kaitlin H.


I’ve had it with parents at sporting events.

I’m talking about the unsupporting parents who coach from the sidelines.

They’re yelling at their kids.

They’re yelling at the other kids.

I’m talking about middle-aged men and women who are demanding to see birth certificates

for the kids on the opposing teams.

You would think that this YMCA team flew in a foreign transfer from Manchester United

to help them win this soccer game.

Okay, these parents are public enemy number one, and I have had it.

That’s a fantastic one.

She’s 100% right.

And it never fails.

It doesn’t matter what sport it is.

None of that matters.

You’re going to find the yak mouths screaming at their kids.

It embarrasses me when in high school play, I mean, middle school, it’s bad, but in high

school, when the parents are standing up yelling at their child during like a basketball game

so the whole gym can hear him.

Do you not realize how humiliating that is for your kid?

So Kaitlin, I totally agree with this.

And I have a personal story I can share about this.

And it involves Josh Welch, my husband, who is a fucking psycho, right?

He’s part of the problem.

So when Roman was in about fifth grade, he plays AAU basketball and he’s on this team

that’s really good, really, really good team.

They’re nationally ranked.

So we’re at, you know, playing in some league tournament.

And I just want to remind the audience and remind you, we’re talking fourth or fifth

grade here.


So Josh proceeds to get in a fight multiple times with the ref regarding the calls.


This ref is much larger than Josh and appears to be a lot more street fight savvy than Josh

Welch with the great hair and his Tom Ford suit appears to be.


I mean, like Josh would get taken under in about two seconds by somebody with crab.

So about third quarter, Josh keeps on with the trolling of the ref and the ref says,

when I’m finished here, I’m going to take you outside.

Josh continues, continues badgering the ref, screaming at everybody, acting like a lunatic.


Well, the game ends.

The ref takes off his referee shirt where he’s a white T-shirt on underneath.

And I’m literally think he’s going to take Josh out and beat him up.

And part of me thinks he kind of deserves it.


But the belly aching that you’d have to live with.

The other part of me thinks I don’t want him to get injured.

But then I’m also like, why the fuck are we even in this position?


Needless to say, another dad kind of got with Josh and we separated the ref and Josh.

But I mean, it was going to be a fucking throw down.

And these dads are psycho and some moms get in there.

Oh, my gosh.

They act like they’re not.

The women always like you see them and they’re so into it.

But then if they get called out, they’re like, no, I’m not as psycho as my husband.

I’m like, oh, yeah, you are.

Oh, yeah, you are.

It’s too much.

It’s too much.

And these parents, if you’re a psycho sport parent, we just want you to know that there

are as many of us that have had it with you.


And everybody talks about you behind your back.

And everybody thinks you’re a nut.


And it’s true because every fucking psycho sport parent, you and I totally, totally trash

behind their back.




Everybody hates you.

With that being said, if you would like to be featured on I’ve Had It podcast bonus episodes,

please DM us a voice memo to at I’ve Had It podcast on Instagram.

Did you say voice memo?

I did say voice.

But thanks.

Eagle eye.

I know.

I was kind of spaced out there for a minute while you’re talking, so I wasn’t sure.

Tell the audience.

See you next Tuesday or Thursday.

And we love, love, love getting your direct messages that are voice memos on I’ve Had

It podcast Instagram page.

Fucking nailed it.

Nailed it.

Jesus Christ.

You’ve got a career in this.

Yes, absolutely.

All right.

Bye, everyone.

I’ve had it with that.

I’ve had it.

Had it.

Had it.

Had it.

Had it.

Had it.

All I can say about that is I’ve had it.