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In true Leo fashion, I’m gonna start off the first episode of my podcast with a
motherfucking trigger warning, okay? I’m making this podcast to talk about real
life, real shit, the real struggles and what everyone’s actually dealing with
and what no one talks about, okay? So if you like the fake bullshit you see
online, you’re not gonna like this. Go live in your fake reality and stay in
your little bubble over there because I’m gonna pop that motherfucker, alright?
I’m not playing that. I don’t like the fake shit. So all you little trigger
warning weirdos have been warned. No future episode will come with one, so get
the fuck gone now, okay? And for all the people that are staying, love you. Okay,
let’s get into this because I want to start off my first episode. I’m just
gonna dive right into it. I want to talk about one of the main reasons people are
dissatisfied with their lives and it’s because social media paints a narrative
of how things are meant to go or be or look, okay? So no one posts what is really
going on in their life. They post the highlight reel, okay? We know this. People
have talked about this before, but no one talks about and I don’t think it’s been
going on long enough for people to study the effects of it and how it’s fucking
people up. But when people are posting a false reality online, you are
subconsciously and even consciously sometimes comparing yourself to it and
your life. Like you’re comparing everything you do and everything you are
and how you look to this narrative that is being shoved in your face every time
you get on your phone. And there’s a lot of bad effects to it, but the
dissatisfaction with your own life is like one of them because the like the
subconscious part of this like we don’t realize how bad and how strong that is.
Okay, I’m gonna give you a couple examples and they’re gonna get a little
bit more intense as we go. So let’s start out with like examples of eating and
dieting because we all see fitness influencers with their fucking assholes
out. They all look great and we want to look like them. Yeah, sure, fine. They post
their little what I eat in a days and they’re eating all this healthy bullshit
and they make it it just looks so easy. Like you have your little berries in
your fucking oatmeal then you have a little protein shake and I know you’re
not satisfied, but they pretend to be. Okay, they pretend that they’re full. They
pretend that they’re happy eating like this. Sure, the long-term benefits of
being happy, taking care of yourself. Yeah, sure, fine. But nobody talks about the
struggles of when you’re doing it. So what I mean by that is like no one talks
about when you’re starving or when you’re fighting off the urge to binge or
you’re depressed as fuck and the last thing you want to do is eat a goddamn
bowl of oatmeal. Bitch, you want a cheesecake. Like no one shows that they
even have the urges or the feelings that are not pleasant. The narrative that’s
being pushed online is not human. Like the people online that we see don’t have
feelings. They don’t want to binge. They don’t get hungry. They are satisfied with
the way that they eat in the same fucking thing every single day. They have
no issue with it. So that I just realized that right now like my fucking problem
with what online is like portraying is that you’re not meant to be human or
like the human side is left out of it because everything is just perfect and
pretty all the time. But yes, like with working out, do you think these
motherfuckers want to go to the gym every day? No! I hate going to the gym.
Okay? No, I love it. I do, but like no one shows the days when they’re in their car
having a fucking mental breakdown and they have to pick their self up, dust
their self off, make their self go into the gym and work out. And then there’s
days that no one shows. Well, I have them. I don’t know if these fucking fitness
freaks do, but I do. Where I don’t know what kind of fucking asshole said
getting to the gym is the hard part. Bitch, that’s the easiest fucking part
because I show up to the gym all the time and leave. Working out is the hard
part. So whoever tells you getting to the gym is the hardest part, they’re a fucking
liar. Tell them to eat a dick. Actually, don’t. Just swipe away. Don’t comment any
hate. But yeah, none of these hot influencer people, none of these people
you’re looking up to and trying to take advice from are real. No one expresses or
shares or vlogs those fucking day in my life’s. A day in my life where everything
is going fucking wrong. A day in my life where I’m human. A day in my life where I
feel like dog shit and I don’t want to work out and I ate a full cheesecake to
myself. Like no one shows that. And then now I feel guilt because I ate the
cheesecake but now I feel like an imposter because I have to get online
and post how hot I am but I can’t post the picture that I take today because I
look bloated because I ate the fucking cheesecake. So I’m gonna lie and post a
picture from a month ago so everybody thinks I’m still hot. Okay, like as you
become aware you’re gonna start being able to read through shit so easy and
I’m so frustrated. So let’s move on to the next topic because this is this one
hits a little home to me with the eating and the working out. Alright, that
one pisses me off because it does make you feel lonely. Like I feel like I’m the
only one that struggles this fucking hard with eating clean and working out
and being strict and having discipline with myself. Like it’s not fucking easy.
It is one of the hardest things you’ll do. I swear. Like breaking that habit
that you eat in and like counting calories like I fucking dread it. I hate
counting calories. Like I just want to go back to the days where I could just sit
down and just binge whatever the fuck I wanted to binge okay and not even think
about the goddamn calorie count. But now I can’t not think about the calorie count.
So I’m like yeah if I sit down to eat a whole cheesecake I don’t know why that’s
still my example for everything but I love a cheesecake and I cannot have one
as you can tell I’m fiending. Like if I sit down with a whole cheesecake I’m
like bitch that’s like 3,000 calories and I can’t get that out of my brain and
it makes me not want to eat it. So blessing in disguise short but like the
whole being responsible thing not being able to leave my brain pisses me off.
Okay next topic because I’m over that one. Starting a business. Okay everybody
online is always on about fucking Amazon FBA. Fucking start a business. Start this
start that. Sell t-shirts on Amazon. Fucking twiddle your dick on fucking
OnlyFans. Like everybody talks about starting businesses. Crypto. I don’t even
know what the fuck crypto and the stock market is. I have no interest. But
everybody’s pushing that shit. No one explains how actually difficult and how
many roadblocks there are from when you have an idea to start something. To start
taking your first steps and then getting that thing made to completion. No one has
made. I’m gonna fucking do it. But no one has made that I’ve found that has like
completely revealed everything about starting their business. From how they
got the funding. From how they got the idea. All the struggles they went through.
How they got through certain things. Did you have the permits? Did you have did
you get sued? Did someone steal something from you? Like I want to know everything.
How many companies tried to fuck you? Because when I was making my app I
almost got fucked like three times. Like you have to be paranoid. You can’t trust
anyone. Like my hand. I have tattooed on my hand. Trust no one. For a reason. Because
every time I look down I’m fucking reminded. People have their own best
interests at heart. Okay? I need to remember that. I’m someone with like a
genuine heart and I care about other human beings just because they’re human
beings. Okay? But other people don’t. I want to hear your stories where you
interact with these fucking people that try and fuck you in business. That try
and ruin you. That will copy your ideas and then pay they have more money so
they can advertise more and it will beat yours. That’s what they do to me with my
app because there’s bigger apps that have more money. I want to know how you
handle all that shit. I want to know all your fucking the doubt you had in your
mind. I want to know how you second-guess yourself. I want to know that you’re
fucking human. You know? Like I want to be able to relate. I’m done with social
media with like trying to look up to people and shit. Nah. I want someone I can
relate to. I want something that’s some real-life shit. I’m tired of like getting
on my phone and entering a whole different reality. I don’t want to
leave my reality anymore. I want to be in it so I can fucking change it and love
it and enjoy it. You know what I mean? And social media is just taking me out of it
so I’m fucking sick of it. Okay so moving on to the next thing. Just another
example. Drugs. Everybody glorifies the fuck out of doing some drugs. Okay? Even
just drinking alcohol. Like no one talks about the next day how you wake up with
the goddamn Sunday scaries and you’re anxious and you’re texting all your
friends. Do you hate me? Are we okay? Like you don’t know. Like you just feel
like everyone’s mad at you. I’ve not seen one person fucking talk about that. So
that’s where I’m sitting here. I’m like am I crazy? Because I’m the only one that
feels this because no one seems to talk about it. So I’m sitting here left like
am I fucking nuts or is this normal? So if more people would fucking talk about
it we could all relate and we would all feel better because we know it’s normal.
That’s a fucking after-effect of drinking alcohol. Anyway drugs. Okay? No
one posts the come down. No one posts wanting to fucking kill
their self for three days after they do drugs. I just I wish more people were
open and honest about the way that they feel but I understand it’s not like
it’s like people don’t want to post shit that’s not happy. Positive positive
positive. Like yeah I have positive focus but I talk about real shit too. Like I
talk about all of life not just the positive aspects and I think people are
afraid if they post what they’re feeling and it’s not happy happy like chipper
happy dick. Like they’re gonna they’re scared they’re gonna lose followers and
people aren’t gonna like it or whatever. Because I feel like that sometimes too
like when I’m in a really long negative headspace like it lasts for a long time
I’m like alright slow it down with the fucking sad posts. Like I get them not
wanting to post it but people need to know like what’s up like what’s actually
up and what’s actually going on. But my whole point with that was not like
telling people to post that they’re doing drugs. Post about how you feel. Post
that you’re sad. You know what I mean? Like it’s okay to be sad but not these
fucking tik-tok bitches where they make that their only personality trait. I’m
talking about genuinely express your feelings. Oh speaking of feelings I gotta
bounce back to that. But genuinely expressing your feelings. Like these
little fucking girls I mean it’s mostly girls there’s a couple gays that do it
too piss me the fuck off. But they make like being sad and depressed and like
having a hard life like that’s their fucking personality trait. Like and
you’re like I don’t want I don’t do this I don’t say this often but bitch your
life ain’t that fucking bad shut up. I don’t like I know you’re just I can see
when people are doing it for attention or someone is just being genuine and
expressing their authentic feelings. But circling back to the feelings thing. I’m
expecting a lot of people because in order to be able to express how you
actually feel you need to be in touch with how you feel and a lot of people
are cut off from their emotions. They don’t understand what the fuck they’re
feeling. Like I used to be one of these people before I had my whole like
awakening and whatnot but I would only feel anger. Like that was my only emotion
I could feel. It was anger and happiness. I could not feel sad. I literally went to
therapy because I was like I haven’t cried since I’m like 12. I want to cry. I
have sad things happen like devastating things happen to me and not a single
fucking tear. Goddamn desert in my eyes. Like I want to be able to tap into these
emotions and then I had to go to therapy and wake up and you have to like get in
touch with how you feel. My point in that is it’s a very complex process for what
I’m asking of people by sharing their authentic feelings. You need to be in
touch with the way that you feel. Okay great. And then you need to be able to
articulate that. So you need to be able to put it into words which is very hard.
That’s a skill. And then you have to have the fucking courage and the balls and
not be wrapped up in your ego and the image you’re trying to portray online to
express it. So you need to feel it. It’s like step one you need to feel it. Step
two you need to recognize it. Okay you need to become aware that you’re feeling
it. So feel it. Become aware that you’re feeling it. Put words to it. Understand
how to express it and then have the balls to express it. Like it’s a very
complex thing and I just feel like it’s a very basic thing for myself because
I’m at a certain point of like my emotional development that I get that.
But I need to like I’m looking back right now like damn I sound like an ass
because I’m expecting a lot of people but at the same time go the fuck up. Go
the fuck up. Get in touch with how you feel and goddamn talk about it because
I’m sick of the world the way it is. Okay my next topic I want to talk about. I’m
gonna rant about this shit for a while. Going out. Okay you and your friends are
getting ready to go out. Nobody posts the real life. These fucking bitches will
post a pregame. I’ve been bitches before okay. So like I’m guilty of it but I
don’t I don’t like I just don’t post shit really anymore. I just keep it to
myself. I save it to my memories. I like to have the memories. I don’t need to
share it because when I get drunk I be sharing too much. I think shit is just so
funny and it’s not and I wake up in the morning like mortified about what the
fuck I post. You know it’s not way that bad I’m just a hard judge of myself. But
anyway back to the bitches going out. I always say bitches like usually it’s
girls doing this but like guys do too. Like when the girl like say they like
getting ready with like just a bunch of group of friends guys and girls
everybody’s getting ready to go out okay. So you’re getting ready for the pregame.
Nobody shows the fucking mess that everybody makes getting ready. Nobody
shows the chaos of everybody trying to squeeze into the fucking mirrors and
everybody trying to get ready okay. You add that okay. Then you get to the
pregame. Everybody’s like trying to bum off of everybody else’s alcohol. Like I
always show up with alcohol because I’ll be damned if I’m gonna go without okay. I
always make sure I come prepared. Like I try to take care of myself but I bring
enough for everybody. That’s just how I fucking am. I’m Albanian alright. But
there’s a fucking wreck. There are so many cups. There’s so much shit that
people bring out and like fuck up for a pregame. There’s shit left everywhere and
oh now we’re running late. Everybody’s running late so we don’t have time to
clean the house. So we don’t have time to pick up after our fucking self. So when
you get home the house is a fucking wreck. Where’s my phone? Where’s my keys?
Where’s my shoe? Like bitch you fucking should have cleaned up and you’d know
where all your shit was. So go like the pregame okay. So everybody’s posting they
look so hot at the pregame. Everybody’s having fun. Everybody’s cheersing and
then everybody wants to fight over who wants to order the uber and who wants to
try and squeeze 20 people like a fucking clown car into one car because
nobody wants to pay for the uber. Alright I’ll pay for the fucking uber. Let’s just
go. I’m sick of dealing with everybody. No one posts the actual frustration. You
got the one bitch that’s running late. Got one fucking titty out. Still trying
to get ready. You got the other one that’s like already too drunk at the
fucking pregame and then you got the other one that’s like in the car like
fighting with her boyfriend. Okay so now everybody’s in the car. We’re going to
the club. Everybody’s at the club okay. The one bitch that was way too drunk
fucked up her outfit. She spilled shit all over. She threw up. Whatever she’s
doing. The other one that’s fighting with her boyfriend wants to go home early and
she wants to leave. This other one’s got drunk and now she’s sad and she wants to
go fuck her ex. Like it’s just a shit show. Like nobody posts that. All you see
is all these people at the club looking hot, buying shots, drinking their drink,
taking their fucking selfies. Like all you see is everybody looking hot. You
don’t see what went into it. You don’t see what’s actually going on. You know
what I mean? So that sets up a narrative of like okay so when I go out it’s just
gonna be hot and fine and then when you fucking go to get ready to go out and
it’s a goddamn disaster you’re left subconsciously comparing. This is just a
stupid example. But like you get what I mean? Like everything online. Like all
these fucking people on TikTok. I love the New Yorkers. Like the trust fund New
Yorker kids that go out and all they do is party. I fucking live for them. Okay?
But I cannot imagine how boring they are. You know what I mean? Oh my god here
comes Kat. She’s lonely. You hear her? She’s just like me. She needs attention. I have a
black cat and her name’s Kat but it’s spelled with a K. Okay back to the New
York kids. So watching them all party and go out it’s like if like honestly my
favorite nights and the nights that I’ve had the best time I have no footage
and no pictures of it. So it makes me question how much fun are y’all actually
having if you have time in your night out to take your phone out and take
multiple clips and make a fucking collage of your night that’s pretty cute
everyone looks hot everything looks fun. I just really they’re the most boring
fucking people. Like they look so cool and I eat their videos up. Okay? Such a
vibe. Such an aesthetic. But like I would hate to be there. I would hate to party
with those people. You know? Like I like to get ugly. I like to have fun. I like
when no one has their phone out because I don’t want to see what I looked like.
You know? So that’s just my little two cents about the little party shit. Okay
so the next topic I want to talk about is how it’s so forced that everyone
needs to make it on your own. You need to have it on your own. You need to be
successful. Like you need to have this image of like you got it all figured the
fuck out and you’re doing fine financially and you did it all yourself
yourself mate. So the reality is people are living off fucking credit cards and
people are helping them out financially but they’re playing that fucking role
online. Like they’re having the fucking nice-ass dinners. They’re going out and
they’re ordering drinks non-stop. They’re partying almost every day of the
fucking week. They look cool. The image is upheld. But babe how are they
affording it you ask? Most people are having help from their parents or
someone else that is funding them or they’re living off of a credit card and
a credit limit. Okay? None of their shit is actually paid off. They’re not
actually paying for any of the shit that they’re doing. You know? Like people
buying designer clothes and shit they put on a credit card because you only
have to pay the minimum payment before you get charged interest. But even if you
get charged interest you already spent the fucking money. So you have what you
have. Like I don’t know I don’t know how to explain this but like they’re
spending money that’s not theirs that they can’t pay back but they don’t give
a fuck. That has never sat right with me. I’ve never once carried a credit card
like balance in my life. Like that would… I’m a rising rogo so perfectionist. Like
it drives me fucking insane. Okay? I have a really bad relationship with money and
I have a lot of anxiety around it and I like to make sure my shit is paid off
and I don’t owe nobody nothing. It stresses me the fuck out. Anyway these
people are spending out of their means. They don’t even have means. They have a
fucking credit card limit and they’re spending it. Just because you have the
available limit does not mean you have the funds to cover what you spend. So
don’t fucking spend it. But they have this image they need to portray that I
made it on my own. I’m self-sufficient. I’m successful. Like bitch you’re not.
You’re fucking in debt. Sorry. Okay so back like let me lean off of like talking
shit on these people. So let me give you an example of like the comparison thing.
So if I see someone that’s my age and they’re out and they’re spending a
hundred, two hundred dollars on dinner three to four times a week and they’re
always out having fun, drinking alcohol, doing all this shit, spending all this
money and I’m sitting here like well I can’t afford to go spend two hundred
dollars on dinner three to four times a fucking week. Like what? How are you
saving money and still doing all this? Like it makes me frustrated because I
assume the way that I manage my money everyone else’s. And that’s where I go
wrong is because I think that the way that I put a certain amount of money
towards savings and I have a certain amount that I spend, I think everyone
else does that. When in reality everyone is spending, not everyone, but these
people I am comparing myself to could possibly be spending their entire
paycheck and all the money that they do make on these dinners. They might not be
saving anything. They might not be managing their money well. They might
just be spending it as they make it. So the comparison shit really like fucks
with me sometimes and I have to catch myself and I have to like pull myself
out of it and make myself aware like hey I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t
know if their parents helped them. I don’t know if they have a sugar daddy. I
don’t know what the fuck their situation is. I don’t know if they’re just like
living off their paycheck but not saving anything. I don’t know how they’re
managing their money so I’m not gonna compare it you know but it is very
frustrating to see people doing shit where you’re like how the fuck do you
afford that? Like at my age I’m 23 like how the fuck are you 23 affording XYZ
you know because you can compare that to anything. But like it causes frustration
for me personally because I look at my own life and I get frustrated because
I’m like what the fuck like it’s like a subconscious why am I not there? How are
they doing that? How can I do that? Like it makes me feel less than because I’m
not doing that sometimes. So like the people aren’t gonna post oh yeah I don’t
save any money and yeah I have $20,000 of credit card debt but I go out to eat
four times a week. Like no one is gonna share the real life but that’s another
example of the narrative that I’m talking about that everyone’s painting.
Like it’s a false ass narrative and it makes everyone feel like dog shit but we
don’t know why we can’t stop looking. Like social media is so fucking
addictive like what we’re seeing makes us feel like shit so why do we keep
looking at it? You know what I mean? I can’t figure it out I’m not a scientist
okay I’m not running an experiment don’t ask me somebody else can fucking do that
okay like I’m just I’m gonna sit in my lane over here and just fucking vent on
my podcast. Alright I think this is it for my first podcast episode so if you
made it this far I hope you enjoyed it thanks for listening leave it like a
rating if you want and you can leave in the comments like if you do a rating
five stars please preferably but you can leave a comment and like leave a comment
of a topic you’d want me to talk about if you want me to talk about something
but I’m gonna go deep into everything like how I kind of did with this like
I’m not gonna just scratch the surface with little bullshit and I’m not gonna
paint like a false reality and I’m gonna start sharing a lot of my own
experiences so people can relate and not feel like ass about their self so yeah
that’s it thanks for listening