Aware & Aggravated - 1. Social Media is Cancer

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In true Leo fashion, I’m gonna start off the first episode of my podcast with a

motherfucking trigger warning, okay? I’m making this podcast to talk about real

life, real shit, the real struggles and what everyone’s actually dealing with

and what no one talks about, okay? So if you like the fake bullshit you see

online, you’re not gonna like this. Go live in your fake reality and stay in

your little bubble over there because I’m gonna pop that motherfucker, alright?

I’m not playing that. I don’t like the fake shit. So all you little trigger

warning weirdos have been warned. No future episode will come with one, so get

the fuck gone now, okay? And for all the people that are staying, love you. Okay,

let’s get into this because I want to start off my first episode. I’m just

gonna dive right into it. I want to talk about one of the main reasons people are

dissatisfied with their lives and it’s because social media paints a narrative

of how things are meant to go or be or look, okay? So no one posts what is really

going on in their life. They post the highlight reel, okay? We know this. People

have talked about this before, but no one talks about and I don’t think it’s been

going on long enough for people to study the effects of it and how it’s fucking

people up. But when people are posting a false reality online, you are

subconsciously and even consciously sometimes comparing yourself to it and

your life. Like you’re comparing everything you do and everything you are

and how you look to this narrative that is being shoved in your face every time

you get on your phone. And there’s a lot of bad effects to it, but the

dissatisfaction with your own life is like one of them because the like the

subconscious part of this like we don’t realize how bad and how strong that is.

Okay, I’m gonna give you a couple examples and they’re gonna get a little

bit more intense as we go. So let’s start out with like examples of eating and

dieting because we all see fitness influencers with their fucking assholes

out. They all look great and we want to look like them. Yeah, sure, fine. They post

their little what I eat in a days and they’re eating all this healthy bullshit

and they make it it just looks so easy. Like you have your little berries in

your fucking oatmeal then you have a little protein shake and I know you’re

not satisfied, but they pretend to be. Okay, they pretend that they’re full. They

pretend that they’re happy eating like this. Sure, the long-term benefits of

being happy, taking care of yourself. Yeah, sure, fine. But nobody talks about the

struggles of when you’re doing it. So what I mean by that is like no one talks

about when you’re starving or when you’re fighting off the urge to binge or

you’re depressed as fuck and the last thing you want to do is eat a goddamn

bowl of oatmeal. Bitch, you want a cheesecake. Like no one shows that they

even have the urges or the feelings that are not pleasant. The narrative that’s

being pushed online is not human. Like the people online that we see don’t have

feelings. They don’t want to binge. They don’t get hungry. They are satisfied with

the way that they eat in the same fucking thing every single day. They have

no issue with it. So that I just realized that right now like my fucking problem

with what online is like portraying is that you’re not meant to be human or

like the human side is left out of it because everything is just perfect and

pretty all the time. But yes, like with working out, do you think these

motherfuckers want to go to the gym every day? No! I hate going to the gym.

Okay? No, I love it. I do, but like no one shows the days when they’re in their car

having a fucking mental breakdown and they have to pick their self up, dust

their self off, make their self go into the gym and work out. And then there’s

days that no one shows. Well, I have them. I don’t know if these fucking fitness

freaks do, but I do. Where I don’t know what kind of fucking asshole said

getting to the gym is the hard part. Bitch, that’s the easiest fucking part

because I show up to the gym all the time and leave. Working out is the hard

part. So whoever tells you getting to the gym is the hardest part, they’re a fucking

liar. Tell them to eat a dick. Actually, don’t. Just swipe away. Don’t comment any

hate. But yeah, none of these hot influencer people, none of these people

you’re looking up to and trying to take advice from are real. No one expresses or

shares or vlogs those fucking day in my life’s. A day in my life where everything

is going fucking wrong. A day in my life where I’m human. A day in my life where I

feel like dog shit and I don’t want to work out and I ate a full cheesecake to

myself. Like no one shows that. And then now I feel guilt because I ate the

cheesecake but now I feel like an imposter because I have to get online

and post how hot I am but I can’t post the picture that I take today because I

look bloated because I ate the fucking cheesecake. So I’m gonna lie and post a

picture from a month ago so everybody thinks I’m still hot. Okay, like as you

become aware you’re gonna start being able to read through shit so easy and

I’m so frustrated. So let’s move on to the next topic because this is this one

hits a little home to me with the eating and the working out. Alright, that

one pisses me off because it does make you feel lonely. Like I feel like I’m the

only one that struggles this fucking hard with eating clean and working out

and being strict and having discipline with myself. Like it’s not fucking easy.

It is one of the hardest things you’ll do. I swear. Like breaking that habit

that you eat in and like counting calories like I fucking dread it. I hate

counting calories. Like I just want to go back to the days where I could just sit

down and just binge whatever the fuck I wanted to binge okay and not even think

about the goddamn calorie count. But now I can’t not think about the calorie count.

So I’m like yeah if I sit down to eat a whole cheesecake I don’t know why that’s

still my example for everything but I love a cheesecake and I cannot have one

as you can tell I’m fiending. Like if I sit down with a whole cheesecake I’m

like bitch that’s like 3,000 calories and I can’t get that out of my brain and

it makes me not want to eat it. So blessing in disguise short but like the

whole being responsible thing not being able to leave my brain pisses me off.

Okay next topic because I’m over that one. Starting a business. Okay everybody

online is always on about fucking Amazon FBA. Fucking start a business. Start this

start that. Sell t-shirts on Amazon. Fucking twiddle your dick on fucking

OnlyFans. Like everybody talks about starting businesses. Crypto. I don’t even

know what the fuck crypto and the stock market is. I have no interest. But

everybody’s pushing that shit. No one explains how actually difficult and how

many roadblocks there are from when you have an idea to start something. To start

taking your first steps and then getting that thing made to completion. No one has

made. I’m gonna fucking do it. But no one has made that I’ve found that has like

completely revealed everything about starting their business. From how they

got the funding. From how they got the idea. All the struggles they went through.

How they got through certain things. Did you have the permits? Did you have did

you get sued? Did someone steal something from you? Like I want to know everything.

How many companies tried to fuck you? Because when I was making my app I

almost got fucked like three times. Like you have to be paranoid. You can’t trust

anyone. Like my hand. I have tattooed on my hand. Trust no one. For a reason. Because

every time I look down I’m fucking reminded. People have their own best

interests at heart. Okay? I need to remember that. I’m someone with like a

genuine heart and I care about other human beings just because they’re human

beings. Okay? But other people don’t. I want to hear your stories where you

interact with these fucking people that try and fuck you in business. That try

and ruin you. That will copy your ideas and then pay they have more money so

they can advertise more and it will beat yours. That’s what they do to me with my

app because there’s bigger apps that have more money. I want to know how you

handle all that shit. I want to know all your fucking the doubt you had in your

mind. I want to know how you second-guess yourself. I want to know that you’re

fucking human. You know? Like I want to be able to relate. I’m done with social

media with like trying to look up to people and shit. Nah. I want someone I can

relate to. I want something that’s some real-life shit. I’m tired of like getting

on my phone and entering a whole different reality. I don’t want to

leave my reality anymore. I want to be in it so I can fucking change it and love

it and enjoy it. You know what I mean? And social media is just taking me out of it

so I’m fucking sick of it. Okay so moving on to the next thing. Just another

example. Drugs. Everybody glorifies the fuck out of doing some drugs. Okay? Even

just drinking alcohol. Like no one talks about the next day how you wake up with

the goddamn Sunday scaries and you’re anxious and you’re texting all your

friends. Do you hate me? Are we okay? Like you don’t know. Like you just feel

like everyone’s mad at you. I’ve not seen one person fucking talk about that. So

that’s where I’m sitting here. I’m like am I crazy? Because I’m the only one that

feels this because no one seems to talk about it. So I’m sitting here left like

am I fucking nuts or is this normal? So if more people would fucking talk about

it we could all relate and we would all feel better because we know it’s normal.

That’s a fucking after-effect of drinking alcohol. Anyway drugs. Okay? No

one posts the come down. No one posts wanting to fucking kill

their self for three days after they do drugs. I just I wish more people were

open and honest about the way that they feel but I understand it’s not like

it’s like people don’t want to post shit that’s not happy. Positive positive

positive. Like yeah I have positive focus but I talk about real shit too. Like I

talk about all of life not just the positive aspects and I think people are

afraid if they post what they’re feeling and it’s not happy happy like chipper

happy dick. Like they’re gonna they’re scared they’re gonna lose followers and

people aren’t gonna like it or whatever. Because I feel like that sometimes too

like when I’m in a really long negative headspace like it lasts for a long time

I’m like alright slow it down with the fucking sad posts. Like I get them not

wanting to post it but people need to know like what’s up like what’s actually

up and what’s actually going on. But my whole point with that was not like

telling people to post that they’re doing drugs. Post about how you feel. Post

that you’re sad. You know what I mean? Like it’s okay to be sad but not these

fucking tik-tok bitches where they make that their only personality trait. I’m

talking about genuinely express your feelings. Oh speaking of feelings I gotta

bounce back to that. But genuinely expressing your feelings. Like these

little fucking girls I mean it’s mostly girls there’s a couple gays that do it

too piss me the fuck off. But they make like being sad and depressed and like

having a hard life like that’s their fucking personality trait. Like and

you’re like I don’t want I don’t do this I don’t say this often but bitch your

life ain’t that fucking bad shut up. I don’t like I know you’re just I can see

when people are doing it for attention or someone is just being genuine and

expressing their authentic feelings. But circling back to the feelings thing. I’m

expecting a lot of people because in order to be able to express how you

actually feel you need to be in touch with how you feel and a lot of people

are cut off from their emotions. They don’t understand what the fuck they’re

feeling. Like I used to be one of these people before I had my whole like

awakening and whatnot but I would only feel anger. Like that was my only emotion

I could feel. It was anger and happiness. I could not feel sad. I literally went to

therapy because I was like I haven’t cried since I’m like 12. I want to cry. I

have sad things happen like devastating things happen to me and not a single

fucking tear. Goddamn desert in my eyes. Like I want to be able to tap into these

emotions and then I had to go to therapy and wake up and you have to like get in

touch with how you feel. My point in that is it’s a very complex process for what

I’m asking of people by sharing their authentic feelings. You need to be in

touch with the way that you feel. Okay great. And then you need to be able to

articulate that. So you need to be able to put it into words which is very hard.

That’s a skill. And then you have to have the fucking courage and the balls and

not be wrapped up in your ego and the image you’re trying to portray online to

express it. So you need to feel it. It’s like step one you need to feel it. Step

two you need to recognize it. Okay you need to become aware that you’re feeling

it. So feel it. Become aware that you’re feeling it. Put words to it. Understand

how to express it and then have the balls to express it. Like it’s a very

complex thing and I just feel like it’s a very basic thing for myself because

I’m at a certain point of like my emotional development that I get that.

But I need to like I’m looking back right now like damn I sound like an ass

because I’m expecting a lot of people but at the same time go the fuck up. Go

the fuck up. Get in touch with how you feel and goddamn talk about it because

I’m sick of the world the way it is. Okay my next topic I want to talk about. I’m

gonna rant about this shit for a while. Going out. Okay you and your friends are

getting ready to go out. Nobody posts the real life. These fucking bitches will

post a pregame. I’ve been bitches before okay. So like I’m guilty of it but I

don’t I don’t like I just don’t post shit really anymore. I just keep it to

myself. I save it to my memories. I like to have the memories. I don’t need to

share it because when I get drunk I be sharing too much. I think shit is just so

funny and it’s not and I wake up in the morning like mortified about what the

fuck I post. You know it’s not way that bad I’m just a hard judge of myself. But

anyway back to the bitches going out. I always say bitches like usually it’s

girls doing this but like guys do too. Like when the girl like say they like

getting ready with like just a bunch of group of friends guys and girls

everybody’s getting ready to go out okay. So you’re getting ready for the pregame.

Nobody shows the fucking mess that everybody makes getting ready. Nobody

shows the chaos of everybody trying to squeeze into the fucking mirrors and

everybody trying to get ready okay. You add that okay. Then you get to the

pregame. Everybody’s like trying to bum off of everybody else’s alcohol. Like I

always show up with alcohol because I’ll be damned if I’m gonna go without okay. I

always make sure I come prepared. Like I try to take care of myself but I bring

enough for everybody. That’s just how I fucking am. I’m Albanian alright. But

there’s a fucking wreck. There are so many cups. There’s so much shit that

people bring out and like fuck up for a pregame. There’s shit left everywhere and

oh now we’re running late. Everybody’s running late so we don’t have time to

clean the house. So we don’t have time to pick up after our fucking self. So when

you get home the house is a fucking wreck. Where’s my phone? Where’s my keys?

Where’s my shoe? Like bitch you fucking should have cleaned up and you’d know

where all your shit was. So go like the pregame okay. So everybody’s posting they

look so hot at the pregame. Everybody’s having fun. Everybody’s cheersing and

then everybody wants to fight over who wants to order the uber and who wants to

try and squeeze 20 people like a fucking clown car into one car because

nobody wants to pay for the uber. Alright I’ll pay for the fucking uber. Let’s just

go. I’m sick of dealing with everybody. No one posts the actual frustration. You

got the one bitch that’s running late. Got one fucking titty out. Still trying

to get ready. You got the other one that’s like already too drunk at the

fucking pregame and then you got the other one that’s like in the car like

fighting with her boyfriend. Okay so now everybody’s in the car. We’re going to

the club. Everybody’s at the club okay. The one bitch that was way too drunk

fucked up her outfit. She spilled shit all over. She threw up. Whatever she’s

doing. The other one that’s fighting with her boyfriend wants to go home early and

she wants to leave. This other one’s got drunk and now she’s sad and she wants to

go fuck her ex. Like it’s just a shit show. Like nobody posts that. All you see

is all these people at the club looking hot, buying shots, drinking their drink,

taking their fucking selfies. Like all you see is everybody looking hot. You

don’t see what went into it. You don’t see what’s actually going on. You know

what I mean? So that sets up a narrative of like okay so when I go out it’s just

gonna be hot and fine and then when you fucking go to get ready to go out and

it’s a goddamn disaster you’re left subconsciously comparing. This is just a

stupid example. But like you get what I mean? Like everything online. Like all

these fucking people on TikTok. I love the New Yorkers. Like the trust fund New

Yorker kids that go out and all they do is party. I fucking live for them. Okay?

But I cannot imagine how boring they are. You know what I mean? Oh my god here

comes Kat. She’s lonely. You hear her? She’s just like me. She needs attention. I have a

black cat and her name’s Kat but it’s spelled with a K. Okay back to the New

York kids. So watching them all party and go out it’s like if like honestly my

favorite nights and the nights that I’ve had the best time I have no footage

and no pictures of it. So it makes me question how much fun are y’all actually

having if you have time in your night out to take your phone out and take

multiple clips and make a fucking collage of your night that’s pretty cute

everyone looks hot everything looks fun. I just really they’re the most boring

fucking people. Like they look so cool and I eat their videos up. Okay? Such a

vibe. Such an aesthetic. But like I would hate to be there. I would hate to party

with those people. You know? Like I like to get ugly. I like to have fun. I like

when no one has their phone out because I don’t want to see what I looked like.

You know? So that’s just my little two cents about the little party shit. Okay

so the next topic I want to talk about is how it’s so forced that everyone

needs to make it on your own. You need to have it on your own. You need to be

successful. Like you need to have this image of like you got it all figured the

fuck out and you’re doing fine financially and you did it all yourself

yourself mate. So the reality is people are living off fucking credit cards and

people are helping them out financially but they’re playing that fucking role

online. Like they’re having the fucking nice-ass dinners. They’re going out and

they’re ordering drinks non-stop. They’re partying almost every day of the

fucking week. They look cool. The image is upheld. But babe how are they

affording it you ask? Most people are having help from their parents or

someone else that is funding them or they’re living off of a credit card and

a credit limit. Okay? None of their shit is actually paid off. They’re not

actually paying for any of the shit that they’re doing. You know? Like people

buying designer clothes and shit they put on a credit card because you only

have to pay the minimum payment before you get charged interest. But even if you

get charged interest you already spent the fucking money. So you have what you

have. Like I don’t know I don’t know how to explain this but like they’re

spending money that’s not theirs that they can’t pay back but they don’t give

a fuck. That has never sat right with me. I’ve never once carried a credit card

like balance in my life. Like that would… I’m a rising rogo so perfectionist. Like

it drives me fucking insane. Okay? I have a really bad relationship with money and

I have a lot of anxiety around it and I like to make sure my shit is paid off

and I don’t owe nobody nothing. It stresses me the fuck out. Anyway these

people are spending out of their means. They don’t even have means. They have a

fucking credit card limit and they’re spending it. Just because you have the

available limit does not mean you have the funds to cover what you spend. So

don’t fucking spend it. But they have this image they need to portray that I

made it on my own. I’m self-sufficient. I’m successful. Like bitch you’re not.

You’re fucking in debt. Sorry. Okay so back like let me lean off of like talking

shit on these people. So let me give you an example of like the comparison thing.

So if I see someone that’s my age and they’re out and they’re spending a

hundred, two hundred dollars on dinner three to four times a week and they’re

always out having fun, drinking alcohol, doing all this shit, spending all this

money and I’m sitting here like well I can’t afford to go spend two hundred

dollars on dinner three to four times a fucking week. Like what? How are you

saving money and still doing all this? Like it makes me frustrated because I

assume the way that I manage my money everyone else’s. And that’s where I go

wrong is because I think that the way that I put a certain amount of money

towards savings and I have a certain amount that I spend, I think everyone

else does that. When in reality everyone is spending, not everyone, but these

people I am comparing myself to could possibly be spending their entire

paycheck and all the money that they do make on these dinners. They might not be

saving anything. They might not be managing their money well. They might

just be spending it as they make it. So the comparison shit really like fucks

with me sometimes and I have to catch myself and I have to like pull myself

out of it and make myself aware like hey I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t

know if their parents helped them. I don’t know if they have a sugar daddy. I

don’t know what the fuck their situation is. I don’t know if they’re just like

living off their paycheck but not saving anything. I don’t know how they’re

managing their money so I’m not gonna compare it you know but it is very

frustrating to see people doing shit where you’re like how the fuck do you

afford that? Like at my age I’m 23 like how the fuck are you 23 affording XYZ

you know because you can compare that to anything. But like it causes frustration

for me personally because I look at my own life and I get frustrated because

I’m like what the fuck like it’s like a subconscious why am I not there? How are

they doing that? How can I do that? Like it makes me feel less than because I’m

not doing that sometimes. So like the people aren’t gonna post oh yeah I don’t

save any money and yeah I have $20,000 of credit card debt but I go out to eat

four times a week. Like no one is gonna share the real life but that’s another

example of the narrative that I’m talking about that everyone’s painting.

Like it’s a false ass narrative and it makes everyone feel like dog shit but we

don’t know why we can’t stop looking. Like social media is so fucking

addictive like what we’re seeing makes us feel like shit so why do we keep

looking at it? You know what I mean? I can’t figure it out I’m not a scientist

okay I’m not running an experiment don’t ask me somebody else can fucking do that

okay like I’m just I’m gonna sit in my lane over here and just fucking vent on

my podcast. Alright I think this is it for my first podcast episode so if you

made it this far I hope you enjoyed it thanks for listening leave it like a

rating if you want and you can leave in the comments like if you do a rating

five stars please preferably but you can leave a comment and like leave a comment

of a topic you’d want me to talk about if you want me to talk about something

but I’m gonna go deep into everything like how I kind of did with this like

I’m not gonna just scratch the surface with little bullshit and I’m not gonna

paint like a false reality and I’m gonna start sharing a lot of my own

experiences so people can relate and not feel like ass about their self so yeah

that’s it thanks for listening