Aware & Aggravated - 4. You Look Better Than You Think

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Hi friends! So in this week’s episode I want to talk about something I used to

struggle with really bad and it was hating myself and my body and criticizing

the fuck out of it and not seeming to be able to stop. So I’ve gained some

awareness around why I did that and how to stop doing that and that’s what I

want to share in this episode. And I do want to clarify, because I’m gonna talk a

lot of shit on social media, I do want to clarify that by me talking my shit I

I’m not like degrading everyone or like trying to talk down on people. Everything

that I say there’s a point behind it, there’s a bigger reason behind what I’m

saying. So keep that in mind, my intention is not to degrade anyone or like just

genuinely just talk shit on people, it’s to bring light to certain things. And if

it sounds a little mean then so be it, okay? So when it comes to social media

there’s a lot of things that you are not aware of, there’s a lot of things that do

not meet the eye or shit that you don’t see, like it’s behind the curtain. I

touched on a lot of this in my first episode of this podcast, but this episode

is just strictly on body image and I’m gonna just poke fun, for the first part,

at some of the shit that I notice and that I have to remind myself of when I

see really hot people on Instagram. Like the little secrets that they’re hiding

and the little tricks that they do to look as hot as they do. I’m gonna poke

fun at that real quick and then I’m gonna get into some bigger realizations

towards the end. So my first one, like social media is constantly throwing hot

people in your face. I swear to God, you open your fucking Instagram, even if you

don’t intentionally follow people that are extremely hot, and I call them the

people that like look hot for a living, because it’s like their job to look hot.

So that’s what I call them on Instagram, like if it’s their job to look hot, it’s

that type of influencer. Even if you don’t follow that type of influencer, you

click your explore page on Instagram, boom, there they all are. There’s

the 10 out of 10s, with not a thought behind their eyes, but they all look

fucking hot, like there they all are. You can’t escape them, especially on TikTok.

Like everybody on TikTok is a fucking 10 out of 10. There’s a couple like 9s

out of 10s, but 8 out of 10 is usually as low as it goes.

Nobody’s fucking ugly on TikTok or Instagram anymore, and if you are seeing

ugly people, send them to me please, because I need to feel better about

myself. Okay, so getting back on track, with these hot-ass people that you see

on Instagram, let’s just use Little Miss IG for the first example. You see

pictures of hot-ass people. The way that they are posing is not the way that they

stand in real life. So when you see these fine motherfuckers on Instagram and

their pictures, look at the way that they’re standing. Are they standing

normal? Like when you get in the mirror, and when you look at yourself in the

mirror, are you comparing yourself standing straight normal to them doing

some weird-ass pose? So the fitness influencers are never standing straight

or normal. They’re flexing something. They’re poking their ass out. They’re

poking their fucking chest out. They’re flexing their traps. They got their

fucking lats spread to look wider than they are. They’re not just standing there

normally. No one actually looks like that when they’re just standing there. So

that’s one thing that you need to like remind yourself of when you see really

really hot people on Instagram. Check the way that they’re standing. Do they

actually look like that? Do they actually stand like that? Fuck no. Like Kylie

Jenner. She’s a perfect example of someone doing some weird-ass poses, and

I’m kind of gonna go in on the whole BBL body for a minute, and I’m sorry to

anybody that likes her. I like Kylie. I think she’s cool, but I just gotta like

peel back her curtain real quick and give you guys some shit to remind

yourself of. The way this bitch poses, like get real, okay? She looks good for

the way that she poses. Have you ever seen her standing straight up? Have you

ever seen her standing normally or caught off guard by like paparazzi?

That’s two different bitches. That is two whole entirely different fucking people.

But you don’t see the one that stands normal. You only see the one where the

body looks perfect, and the whole BBL body style and like body type, if you

don’t know what a BBL is, it’s a Brazilian butt lift. So if you look at any

other Kardashians or Jenners, but not Kendall, her little skinny ass, they all

have the procedure, like a BBL is where they suck the fat out of the parts of

your body you don’t want it in, and then they inject it into your ass and your

hips to give you the hourglass shape. That’s like the ideal body type for

girls online, and I say ideal because those are the bitches with the most

followers, so don’t try to fight me on it. But all of these girls look super, super

hot online. Their bodies look good, but if you ever see them caught off guard, they

look fucked up. They look like misshapen, and I don’t mean that in a bad way,

because the angles that they have right, like Kylie Jenner, the way she fucking

looks in the angles where she picks them, like damn, like she knows how to look

good, and like she knows what she knows her fucking angles, that’s it. But when

you see her standing off guard, or you see her standing straight on, her hips, yo,

like I’m not one to body shame and talk shit, but they don’t look as good in real

life as they seem online, and that comes back to like the posing thing. So not

even Kylie Jenner, I’m talking about everybody now, anybody on social media

will look good in a certain pose, but what do they look like standing up

normally? What do they look like naturally? Because that’s what you’re

comparing yourself to when you’re standing in your mirror looking at your

fucking naked body, looking at things you want to change. You’re comparing

yourself to a bitch that looks good sitting down, or with half her body

twisted in a certain way. You’re not comparing yourself to that same person

when they’re standing there just caught off guard, or standing like a normal

human being. So that’s an unfair comparison, and stop doing that to

yourself. Now the second thing you got to keep in mind is lighting. Lighting can

change fucking everything. Face structure, the amount of muscle it looks like you

have, the definition in your body, like lighting can literally make or fucking

break you, and no one can change my mind on it. That’s why I always say take

pictures of me in the dark. I look better in the fucking dark. If you put the flash

on, I can tone down. You can’t tone up a picture. You can tone it down. So if you

put it on the flash and it’s too bright, bitch, we can tone it down and look fine. If

you can see too much, we can blur it out and we can make it darker. Boom. Perfect.

Done. Go on my Instagram, most of my shit’s in the dark. Sorry about it. Like I’m

fucking honest. Lighting can make or break you, but if you look at fitness

influencers and specific guys, but like girls deal with it too, like the male

influencers, when they’re trying to show off their abs or their muscles, they

usually catch a downward lighting because it casts shadows. So like your

pecs underneath will have more of a shadow. Your abs will have more shadows,

your shoulders, everything has more shadows. So you look way more defined,

like literally lighting. I swear to God, I love the trend on Tik TOK where it’s

like, this is me in perfect lighting with a pump versus me in real life

because having a pump also can change the entire fucking way that you look

because everybody knows how you look normal. And then when you go to the gym

and you get a pump, that’s two different people. I swear to God, it’s the best

feeling. You will feel so good about yourself when you have a pump and that’s

the state people are in when they’re taking these pictures of themselves.

They got the perfect lighting and they got the pump half the time. They got

fucking oil on their self to make their self look sweaty and shiny and look

better for their picture. I’m not shitting you. I’ve literally seen

motherfuckers in my gym with a can of Pam, spraying their self to take

pictures. I’m not shitting you. Like you, that’s the thing is you also don’t

think that normal Joe Schmoe ass people are doing this. They are. A lot more

people put a lot more effort into their pictures than you think. So even though

they don’t seem like a big influencer, they’re still doing what they can to

look their best in their photos. Another thing, professional ass cameras. They all

have them. I swear. Because who the motherfuck is taking this good of

pictures on their iPhone camera? Okay, I have an iPhone 12 Pro. My pictures don’t

look as good as these people online. So I fucking, I’m going out on a limb and

saying that they all have professional cameras. Because my cameras don’t be

taking pictures like that. It’s not like I have a fucking iPhone 8 and I’m over

here like, why don’t my pictures look like theirs? Nah bitch, I got the newest

and best phone. I know how the camera is. My camera don’t be looking like that.

Even if it’s someone insanely hot and like I’m taking a picture of. Bitch, they

don’t be looking like that. So y’all’s pictures are not off an iPhone and you

bitches can fight me on it. I swear to God, these people that you’re following,

they’re not taking pictures on a normal ass camera. Sometimes they might. Okay,

we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt once in a while. But if you notice someone has

like really, really good pictures non-stop, that ain’t their fucking phone.

Okay, so you’re comparing your pictures to something you’re taking on your phone

because you think it’s easy. You think you just pull your phone out and take a

picture. That’s not what they’re doing. They make it seem like that. So when you

pull your phone out and you take a picture and it looks like dog shit, you

compare it to people that you think do the same thing. When in reality, they got

a professional ass camera. They got good ass lighting. They got people teaching

them how to pose. And they’re probably taking other steps to look a certain

way. Whether it’s an outfit that it emphasizes certain things or like I said

with the Pam, like spraying their self with like cooking spray. That’s what Pam

is. I should have clarified. Spraying their self with spray to look a certain

fucking way. And then they’re gonna filter it and edit it. And there are

filters to make shit look natural. There are adjustments you can make to a photo

to make it look natural, but it will be edited out the fucking ass. It just

doesn’t look like it. And that’s the whole point. It’s like girls and their

fucking no makeup makeup look. Like they put on makeup to look like they don’t

have makeup on. So the way you’re comparing yourself to all these people,

it’s not fair. But these are the things that you need to remind yourself of when

you see these really hot people online. There’s a lot more that goes to it.

There’s a lot more behind the scenes than you realize. People are not just

throwing up their phone and taking a fucking picture of their self like they

make it seem. Another thing is a lot more people are on steroids than you think. A

lot more people have cosmetic work done or fillers or lip injections or Botox or

whatever you want to talk about. That shit is so much more common than you

think. That’s why that industry makes so much money. Because so many people are

having that shit done. And people that you wouldn’t even expect. Because there

are people that get cosmetic procedures or injectables to look natural. And there

are people that take steroids to look better, air quote, natural. Like they’re

trying to still look natural but they’re taking enhancing drugs to achieve that

look. Or they’re doing cosmetic procedures to achieve the cute natural

look. I get Botox in my upper lip. So my top lip does not move symmetrically. Like

one side pulls more than the other. And I get Botox to help make it move

symmetrically. It still pulls a little bit more but not as bad as without it.

But also getting Botox, it’s called a lip flip, getting Botox above your lip makes

your top lip look bigger. That is the tiniest procedure you can have done. It’s

a little needle. They stick you four times and you’re done. It takes fucking

20 seconds. Hurts like a bitch. But it takes 20 seconds and it lasts a few

months. It’s the tiniest thing but it makes a huge difference. And you would

never know. Like it’s made to look natural. It’s made to look normal. But I

have something in my back pocket that’s giving me an upper hand to look better

than I normally would. Just no one has a fucking clue. I know people in my life

that have taken steroids or are currently on steroids or some kind of

performance enhancing drug that look like they are not on steroids. They look

good, sure. But the typical, what you say, the motherfucker that you think is on

steroids. The typical idea for what someone on steroids looks like, just a

name that everybody knows, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Like he is the ideal for

like a motherfucker that looks like that you know is on steroids. But that’s just

what the publicized and like mainstream idea of what someone on steroids looks

like is that. There are so many normal Joe Schmo motherfuckers on steroids that

look average as fuck. Like there’s been so many people that have told me they’re

on steroids and I’m like huh. Like I don’t mean to be rude but like okay cool.

I’m like shocked in the back of my head. Like you bitch. Like you be honest. I

would not claim that. If I looked normal I would not claim that I was on steroids.

You look dumb. Or you look like you’re doing the wrong shit. Like I will get on

steroids later in my life. I haven’t taken steroids before. I’ve not taken any

performance enhancing drug. I’ve done fucking creatine. That’s a goddamn

supplement you could buy at the store. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m

talking about like actual steroids. I’ll do them eventually. I’m educated on like

your hormones and your chemicals in your body. I don’t want to fuck mine up while

they’re still leveling out. I’m 23 so I got some time. I think when I’m about 26

to 28 I’ll start fucking around with steroids if I’m not happy with the way

that I look and I want to look a certain way. Then I’ll start doing it. But I’m

gonna wait. But I’m open and honest about that shit. If I was on the shit I’d say

I was on something and I would tell you what I was on and my dose. I love that

now in the fitness community everyone’s open about it and talking about their

steroid use. Like you didn’t just lie about it for five fucking years to get

famous. You were the 18 year old that could lift 600 fucking pounds David

Laid and you made everybody think that your physique and your strength level

was attainable at your age for so long. You’re a fucking liar and you portrayed

this false image to people and gave them false hope. Like I’m the same age as him

and I grew up watching him and I was always like kind of jealous that I

didn’t look like that. The motherfucker’s been on drugs his whole fucking life.

Like no shit I didn’t look like that. I was comparing myself to an ideal that

wasn’t real. So of course I was dissatisfied with the way that I look

and that kind of ties into everything I just told you guys about people looking

a certain way on social media. You’re comparing yourself to something that is

not real. You’re convincing yourself that these people look like this in an

effortless way. They don’t. They’re putting so much more effort in than you

realize. So don’t don’t criticize yourself and like beat yourself up

because you don’t look near as good as they do. No shit you don’t. One thing you

need to realize about most of these people that are really hot on social

media is it’s their job to look hot. That is their job. That is their nine-to-five.

I mean it never really ends if that’s your job. But these people that look

freakishly fucking perfect, they don’t have a normal job bitch. They’re not

going to a real nine-to-five. They’re not dealing with the stress of having a

normal job. Their job is to look hot. They spend all their time of the day and

their energy in their appearance and the way that they look. So of course they

look better than you. You have shit to do. You live in real life. You have actual

worries and concerns and bigger shit to deal with. Not to worry about only the

way that you look. Oh my god one more thing I wanted to talk about was skin

and people’s skin texture and stretch marks and acne and all of that. Everyone

on social media has perfect fucking skin and it pisses me off. I have stretch

marks like a motherfucker. Like in my arms and like the typical ones on like

your shoulders and your chest. Like when you start working out I have them on my

forearms. I have them on my hips and like my stomach area because I was like fat

as a kid. Like I wasn’t ever like huge but I was like a chubby little shit as a

kid. And I’ve grown really fast. Like I’m 6'7". You don’t just fucking get this

tall without any signs of like wear on your body. Like I had to stretch very

fast and like I have stretch marks on me. They’re not that noticeable but

they’re there. And sometimes I’ll get like an ingrown hair or I’ll get like

acne or on my face or my neck. Like when you shave and you get a fucking razor

bump or an ingrown hair. Like shit happens. Like I’m a normal human being.

I’ll get like a pimple or whatever on my back or my shoulder or whatever every

once in a while. Even I used to get them all the time but it’s like I’ve grown

and I’m out of that stage of like puberty where my shits a little bit more

balanced so I don’t break out as often. But people online don’t break out. People

online do not have fucking acne and they do not have fucking stretch marks. I

swear to God it’s the most frustrating shit. Everybody’s skin look like milk.

Everybody’s fucking perfect and it pisses me off. And something I realized

about this last night. I went and saw the movie The House of Gucci with Lady Gaga

in it. I know y’all heard about it. That fucking movie was so good and that

fucking piece of shit Maurizio Gucci got what the fuck he deserved. Okay. It

got revealed in the trailer so I’m not like spoiling anything. But Lady Gaga’s

character hired a hitman to kill her husband which is Gucci. Like fuck him.

What he did to her. That’s what he he fucking had it coming. Alright. But anyway

that’s not the point. It’s a good movie. You should watch it. But my point with

that is there’s a scene in it when Lady Gaga is in a hotel room with her husband

and they’re getting into a little fight. Whatever. But she took her shirt off and

she was like changing clothes. And it showed in that scene the lighting like

reflected off of her arms and her back. And she had like you know those tiny

little bumps on like your skin. I have them. Like a lot of people have them and

it’s like a normal thing. It’s like the tiny little bumps. Like you know when you

get chicken pot. Not chicken pox. What the fuck is it called? Like chill bumps. Like

when you get like a chill and like you get a little. What the fuck is it called?

Goosebumps. Goosebumps. The goose and geese bumps. So those like on your arm.

But like they’re not that bad or that severe. But there’s like little dots all

over your arms. And the lighting like in that scene showed it on her shoulders

and her arms. And I was like oh my fucking God. Like she’s a normal human

being. I got so excited that I related to Lady Gaga. Like someone that is not shown

and like celebrities are not shown in the light to have flaws. So like to see

that she doesn’t have like perfect skin like every fucking body else. That made

me so happy. Like I felt like I related to her and connected to her in that

moment. I was like holy shit. Yeah I be getting too deep into everything. Leave

me alone. But that made me realize so much about myself. Because when I was

like very insecure. When I would see people online. I would immediately look

for their flaws. And even people in real life. Like whenever I felt intimidated by

someone or I felt like someone was better than me. I would immediately just

start looking for their flaws to make myself feel better. So like if someone

had a stretch mark. Or if they had like the bumps on their arm like Lady Gaga. Or

if they had like weird shaped thumbnails. Like fingernails. That’s one thing that I

like made myself feel better about with one guy. He was like super fucking hot.

But he had like club fingers and I was like ha. When I was really insecure I

used to do that. And I never knew why I did that. I would never voice it to

people. I’ve never left a hate comment in my life. I’m not the type of person to

point that shit out. But in my brain I would always look for people’s flaws. Or

shit that was wrong with them. Because it made me feel better. I never knew why it

did. But and I didn’t know why I ever did it. I didn’t know how to stop it. But I

realized last night when I watched that movie. Like I don’t look for people’s

flaws anymore to feel better about myself. Like oh look at them. They’re like

fucked up. I look for people’s flaws now to relate to them. Like when I saw Lady

Gaga had the bumps on her arms. I got so excited and like happy that she’s human

just like me. Like it’s normal. Like it’s not. Having bumps on your arms is normal.

Some people just fucking have them. Like that’s just how it is. Oh my god. Like it

made me so fucking excited that the bitch is like a human. And like I look at

people now when I see that they have like an air quote flaw. Or if they have a

sign that they’re a real human being. That social media does not show. I get

happy because I relate. Because I have it too. It’s not like oh I need to find

what’s wrong with you. So I don’t think that you’re that much above me. It’s like

no. Now I can relate to you. So I guess the whole mindset shift of like looking

at people as how are we the same makes me feel a lot better than just trying to

rip people down in my brain or make myself seem less ugly. I don’t know how

to explain that but I hope that made sense. But just start looking for the way

that you’re like the same as other people and you’ll start feeling a lot

more connected to them. And you’ll start feeling a lot less alone. Oh but back to

like social media. A lot of people deal with that shit. A lot more people have it

than you think but they blur it out. Or they’ll smooth their skin in pictures.

Now you do have the people that will post about their stretch marks or their

acne or acne scars and I love that shit. Like I love when people are vulnerable

and real and honest because just how seeing Lady Gaga made me feel like less

alone. Those posts make people feel less alone. Another thing that I’ve realized

about myself in specific is I’m not photogenic. Like it’s very like I’ll get

a good picture of myself every once in a while and then I’ll hang on to that

fucker like it’s the golden ticket to the goddamn Willy Wonka Palace. Like I’ll

just hold on to it for a while. I’ll just use that picture. Like that’s my go-to

picture. That’s why I don’t post a lot of selfies because bitch they’re a dime a

dozen. I don’t take good pictures very often. But I realized I look like shit in

my phone camera and like on camera like I just don’t feel like I look good

because I see myself in my mirror and I’m like damn I’m fucking cute and then

I try to take a picture of myself in that mirror and I’m like god damn I’m

actually ugly. That right there. You need to stop thinking that shit cuz I know

y’all do the same thing. The way you look on camera is not the way you look in

real life. I promise you. And because I saw this one TikTok and it made me like

really believe this when this girl said you know when you take a picture of the

sunset and it never shows up as good on your phone? Like it looks way better in

real life than on your phone. Your phone can’t capture the actual beauty of the

sunset. You’re the same way. And since seeing that bitch’s TikTok it’s really

changed me because I’d be feeling like I am ugly as shit in my phone camera. Like

when I take a selfie, ugh. I’m like god woof. Like holy shit. But then I look at

myself in the mirror in real life and I can like see myself more 3D and like I

can see myself the way that I move. You know? I know I’m looking at a mirror and

it’s 2D shut the fuck up but I look 3D in it. Okay? Don’t attack me for that. I

know it sounds stupid. And also another thing. When you’re looking at yourself in

a certain mirror. Remember when I said lighting is important? You need to look

at yourself in other mirrors too. Whenever you get the chance, go to a

different mirror. Look at yourself in different lightings, in different places,

in different atmospheres, in different mirrors. You will appreciate yourself so

much more because you will see that you look a lot different than you think. Like

when you get used to looking at yourself in just one mirror and one lighting like

in your bedroom or your bathroom, you don’t see certain shit. Like not every

mirror will show you the same thing. It sounds fucking wacky but start looking

at yourself in other mirrors and you’ll start seeing shit you didn’t notice

before. You’re just used to looking at yourself in one place. That’s kind of a

confidence boost but some of them, goddamn, do it when you feel yourself

because if you try and look in a different mirror when you like don’t

feel your best or you actually look ugly, oof, it’ll hurt your feelings. Also, look at

yourself from the side in the mirrors. Like move around, like turn around and

look at yourself in different angles because when I look at myself head-on

I’m like you’re a fucking whale and then I look at myself from the side or I

turn a little bit I’m like okay that’s like doable, you know? So move around a

little. Like actually if you’re gonna look at yourself in the mirror, check

yourself the fuck out. Do a little spin for yourself. So one of the big

realizations that I’m so excited to talk about is the one about social media

creating a certain norm and an idea of what is air quote normal. Big fat fucking

air quote around what’s normal. So when you look at your phone, okay, and you get

on social media whether it’s Instagram, TikTok, whatever fucking tickles your

fancy, even if you don’t directly follow the fitness influencers where it’s their

job to look hot, the ones that I talked about before, they will come up on your

explore page. They will come up on your fucking for you page. They’ll find a way

in front of your face, I swear to God. Like the hot people, they just, their pages

just get pushed by the algorithm into everybody’s goddamn face. So what this

does is when you’re shown incredibly hot people over and over and over again, you

start to think that’s more common than it is. So if you’re constantly seeing

bitches with BBLs for girls or if like guys, like if you’re constantly seeing

people with perfect bodies and abs and looking hot, you’re gonna see it a whole

bunch, but subconsciously you’re gonna think it’s a lot more common than it is.

Because you’re seeing this shit daily, multiple times a day, multiple different

people. So when you start seeing this as common and it happens way too long,

you’re gonna start subconsciously seeing this as like normal. This is the normal

way to look. This is the normal way to be. And this becomes a major fucking

problem when you don’t match that and you don’t fit what is air quote now seen

as normal by the subconscious in your mind. So now when you look at yourself in

the mirror, you’re not gonna see the good things about you. You’re not gonna

see the things that you have to appreciate. You’re immediately gonna

start seeing the ways that you’re not what you see on social media. It’s gonna

be subconscious. You’re not gonna know why you don’t like your body. You’re just

not gonna fucking like it. And you’re always gonna see what’s wrong instead of

what’s right and what you like. That takes effort. To look at the positive and

to look at what you like takes effort. Your subconscious is just gonna do it

for you and it’s always what you’re lacking. Because your brain automatically

compares. So if you’ve got this idea or this image of what is normal and you get

in front of a mirror, you’re already subconsciously comparing. And when you’re

comparing and contrasting and you’re seeing, no I’m not built like Kylie

Jenner. Or I’m not built like Arnold Schwarzenegger. If that’s who you people

you’d like to follow like the fitness influencers. I just use him because he’s

a very known name. You’re only gonna see what you need to fix. So I realized this

when I was at a hotel pool a couple weeks ago. So I had been dieting so

fucking hard for this trip. I like isolated myself. I quit going out. I quit

hanging out with people. I quit hanging out with friends. Like I literally just

like hermited myself like a hermit crab and fucking worked on the way that I

looked. Because I was so excited to go to this pool. And I was like oh my god I

want to finally be confident for once and the way that I look going and taking

my shirt off somewhere. Because I never have. For the first time in 23 years I

finally felt confident without my shirt on at a place. And this was before I went

to EDC because I took my shirt off there and I felt really good too. But

anyway I was dieting really hard because I was so excited to go and spend the

weekend by this fucking hotel pool. And when I got there like I didn’t think I

was gonna look that good like compared to everybody else. I’m like I’m gonna

look good but I’m not gonna be the best-looking one at the pool. Like I’m

sure everyone’s gonna be fucking hot but I don’t want to be like cripplingly

insecure when I’m there. So I’m putting all this work into my body you know. I

want to look like as good as I can even though I know I’m not gonna look the

best. So when I get to this fucking pool I realized what the fuck? Like I’m the

best-looking one here. And in my mind I was like I don’t even look that good. So

how the fuck am I the best-looking one here? Like this is sad. And the reason I

didn’t think I looked that good is because I was comparing myself to what I

was seeing on social media. And the guys that I see there and the fitness

influencers that I was following at the time. I was comparing myself to that. So

comparing to them, nah I didn’t look that good. But comparing myself to the real

life and real people and real bodies that were at that pool, I looked fucking

good. Half the people there were fucking hippos alright. If you’re fat and

sensitive, I used to be fat too I’m allowed to say it shut up. But I was so

shocked. Like I was the best-looking one at the pool. Me? Like I like I was so

shell-shocked by that. And that is what made me realize yo what I’m comparing

myself to is not fucking real. Because where are all these fucking fruitcakes

that I see online? None of y’all was at the motherfucking pool. None of y’all was

at that casino I was in I was at. Like all the ones down the street like where

the fuck were you guys? Where were all these hot ass people that I was seeing

online? Nowhere to fucking be found. Nowhere to be found. And I have traveled

a lot of places. And I’ve seen a lot of like air quote Instagram hot people in

real life. A couple of them look hot but a lot of them just look really

uncomfortable. But they don’t really fucking look like that. Like they look

good like I said in their one pose, under their certain lighting, and their

certain little outfit they had for Instagram. That’s when they look good.

They don’t look good in real life moving around and breathing. They don’t look

good as a human. They look good as a fucking little picture online. But yeah

going to that pool shocked the fuck out of me. And it made me realize like how

mean I’ve been being to myself. And this idea of what I’m supposed to look like

that’s been served to me by social media. And I went through and I unfollowed all

the people that were like super fucking hot. None of them have personality

anyways. All they are is they’re fucking what I eat in a day. And their macro

split and their workouts and their exercises that everybody fucking does.

How many exercises can you do that I haven’t seen before bitch? Everyone knows

how to fucking work out okay? So these people like that’s another thing I

realized. And it’s these really really hot people online. All their personality

is is being hot. All these little fitness boys. If you take any of these fucking

faggots out of the gym, they’re losers. Like in the gym they know what they’re

doing. They know what they’re talking about. They have their little friends in

there. But you take a fucking fruitcake that spends all of his time working out

and eating chicken and rice. You take him out one night stiff as a board,

uncomfortable, can’t make a conversation, doesn’t know what the fuck to do with

himself or his hands, seems like a like a newborn fucking baby giraffe, doesn’t

know how to walk. Like walks like they have a stick in their ass because they’re

trying to like flex their muscles. Like keep flexing your muscles Jordan. You

look like a fucking imbecile. In the wise words of fucking Margot Robbie. Like

these motherfuckers, you’re comparing yourself to people that you see them in

their prime, in their element. Like these little fitness people. You see them at

the gym. Of course they look good. Of course that is their specialty. It’s like

a doctor. If you talk to a doctor in the hospital, they are on their shit. They’re

intimidating. They’re scary because that’s their field. That’s where they

know everything about. You talk to a doctor in a real life, half of them have

no fucking social skills because they’ve spent so long of their life with their

face in a fucking book. Yeah, they know what they’re talking about in the

hospital, but that’s it. They don’t have much, what’s it called, range with their

personality. They know what they know and that’s it. Same with these little fitness

boys. They know how to be cool in the gym. They know how to lift. They know how to

look hot, but they don’t know how to socialize. They don’t know how to have a

conversation that’s not about fucking lifting or eating chicken. There are

exceptions to the rule, but I’ve had to learn about myself. The least important

or interesting thing about me is the fact that I work out. The most

interesting thing about these people that are fucking hot is that they work

out or that they’re hot. So that’s another thing you need to remind yourself

of is these people you’re comparing yourself to, it’s very shallow and no

depth and no range. So if you are funny and you’re like mildly cute, boom, you

already win. Because these motherfuckers are stiff as a board. Light as a feather,

stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. I’m gonna start levitating in this fucking room right now.

I need to stop with the witchy shit. But yeah, take any person that you’re

intimidated by or you think is like super cool and take them out of what

they know and see if they can still survive. Because if you have a resilient

personality and you have like a personality with range, you can survive

in any social setting. I’m one of those people, thank God. I’ve had to put a lot

of fucking effort into myself to learn about a lot of different things so that

I can hang in different social situations. Like doctors, talk to them

anything about other than their field and they’re a fucking little toddler.

They’re an idiot. They don’t get it. Like talk to a fitness boy about anything

other than fitness. Try it. Try to have a conversation. See how one, they have

nothing to say or two, how they try to find a way to resort it back to fitness.

Another great example of this, I know the audio switches and it sounds different,

is because I’m recording this later, I need to throw these little two cents in.

An example of this is people on TikTok, like the little thirst trappers. The ones

that just look cute or like do certain little weird shit and they look really

hot while they’re doing it. They look super fucking hot in their TikToks. They

know what they’re doing, they know their angle, they know their transition. They

can construct that to make their self look hot as fuck and to portray a

certain image. But if you take them out of TikTok, they ain’t shit. And that’s a

whole topic in and of itself, is social media making nobodies feel like they are

somebody. But just because someone can make a little video of their self and do

it really well, it doesn’t mean that they have any other valuable skill sets or

that they are a certain type of person in real life. That may just be all that

they’re good at, you know? But my point is you’re comparing yourself to someone

that is really good at what they’re doing. If you make a TikTok and you’re

not skilled at it, of course it’s gonna look like ass. It’s not gonna look as

cool as theirs. You’re gonna think they’re a lot cooler than they actually

are. They’re not. They just have certain skills that you don’t. If you put them in

a place where you have a lot of skills, they would struggle. You would feel like

you had the upper hand. So you got to remind yourself of that. As you have

skills too, you have value too, just not in the same areas as them maybe. But even

the areas that they have the value, when they look cool, girl, it’s social media.

Who even gives a fuck, you know? Okay, I’m gonna polish this off with a

realization that I have like half realized and it was a couple days ago.

The realization is, what for? That’s it. Like, that’s the fucking realization.

People spend so much time and energy going to the gym or working on their

body to look hot. Okay, cool. Like, I understand the motive behind trying to

look hot is trying to find a partner and like trying to be attractive to

others. Okay, great. I get that. But like, for what? Like, why are you going to the

gym every day to pick shit up and put it down? Have you seen any fitness person?

Like, I hate that they call it a sport because, bitch, all you’re doing is

working on the way that you look. Like, you’re not able to do anything. You’re

able to pick shit up and put it down. You’re not learning a skill. You’re not

training for a sport. You’re not training to do an activity. You’re not training to

be able to like do gymnastics or some shit. You’re going to the gym to be able

to move heavy things and to look cute or like look big and muscular. What more? You

know what I mean? Like, what more is there? Like, I’m over training just for looks.

I mean, I’m like, I recently started picking up like calisthenics and like

being able to do certain shit with my body and I really want to get into like

gymnastics and be able to do some freaky ass shit because I’m pretty flexible but

I want to like get there. Like, I want to be able to do them little handstands you

could do from like sitting down to doing a handstand. That shit’s cool to me. I

want to start training to be able to like accomplish more than just looking

good. I want to be able to do shit. Like, I want to have more to show for my

effort and my like training than just looking cute because like what the fuck

for? Like, that’s boring. I’d rather be able to do cool shit like flips. That was

just a random realization I had of like what for? Like, I need more from working

out now. I just look at it as so superficial and like a waste of fucking

time. Like, it’s kind of selfish too. Let’s not get on to that topic but let’s

honestly let’s just do it. Like, it’s selfish. You spend this much time and

energy just to look good. For what? You know, you could be doing something way

more productive for like a better outcome. I just look at it like there’s

so much effort for so little outcome because I guess, oh that’s what it is, my

values now about looking good are a lot different. Like, I don’t think looking

good is the point of life anymore and trying to be cute and attractive. That’s

not what does it for me anymore. That’s not my goal. That’s not what I think is

like the most important. So now I look at all the time and effort and energy put

into just solely looking better as a waste and don’t try to come for me and

say, I do it to be healthy. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. You don’t fucking go to the

gym to be healthy because you eat like shit. All right, if you think you’re

getting all the nutrients you need from some chicken and some rice, you’re not.

Okay bitch, so don’t try and come at me about trying to be healthy. Shooting

fucking needles in your body with substances that you don’t know what they

actually are because you bought them from some guy in the fucking gym. You

don’t give a fuck about health. Shut up. That ain’t why you’re working out. You’re

working out to look cute and it’s okay because me too. I’m just saying like

these are the new ideas and perspectives I’m taking on about this

topic and I’m just looking at the shit like for what and what can I do more

because this is not fulfilling for me anymore. You know, I want to start doing

some cool shit. If you see me doing a headstand and like climbing buildings

and shit like spider-man, mind your business. That’s my new goal for my body

now. Be able to do flips and like handstands and shit. Maybe I should get

into training to like fight. Like fair fight because I can street fight. That’s

why I don’t like fair fighting because it’s too many fucking rules bitch. That’s

why I don’t like MMA or like boxing or anything like kickboxing and shit. Like

it’s fun and all to train but like girl I don’t know how to fucking fight with

all these goddamn rules. I’m not thinking of that. Like when I’m in the zone to

fuck somebody’s shit up, I ain’t- I’m not gonna be like having my adrenaline going

and trying to go through the rulebook in my fucking head of how I can and can’t

hit you. Bitch I’m just gonna hit you. You trying to hit me? Now I’m just

rambling at this point. So that’s all I got for this episode about social media.

I hope you guys liked it. Leave this show a 5 star rating if you don’t mind. I

appreciate it a whole bunch. And send me on Instagram topics or things you want

me to discuss on a podcast or shit you just want to hear my hot take of. Like DM

me. Feel free. Let’s talk. And I do really want you guys’s opinions because I’m just

talking about topics that I think are helpful and things that I’ve learned

about certain things. So I want to know what everybody else wants to hear about

too. Also if you’re gonna send me a hate message or something rude, I will be rude

back. Okay? Be constructive. Be nice with your criticisms. Okay? I’m open to that.

Alright let me go before I keep running my mouth and fucking get in trouble. I’ll

talk to you guys next Sunday. On Jesus’s day.