Aware & Aggravated - 6. Dating Apps Are Damaging

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Hello friends today, we’re talking about dating apps and all the issues that I think are wrong with them

Which is a whole bunch

And I’m gonna list them all and get all in depth with every single one because I genuinely believe that

Dating apps are fucking us up worse than anyone realizes

Also, no offense to anyone that is on dating apps or likes dating apps. I’ve been on them

That’s how I have all this information that I’m about to spit at you

But I just hope this episode makes you think of some things and take some shit into consideration

Because I’ve got some new perspectives for you and I say new because I know you haven’t thought of all of this

I know it cuz nobody overthinks like me

What’s funny is like I joke about that, but y’all don’t realize I don’t watch TV. I don’t watch Netflix

I don’t know what’s going on. What shows are good what people are talking about every time I like have you seen this movie?

No, I have no clue what you’re talking about. I haven’t even seen the fucking Lion King

I’ve been busy since I’m little like I don’t even know most movies people talk about

But my point is any free time I have I spend it over analyzing some shit

I don’t do what normal people do and like distract myself with stupid mindless bullshit

I’m too anxious to do that. Like if I’m not constantly working towards something or learning something

I feel like I’m not doing enough but that’s a whole other topic

We’re not gonna get into and like sometimes it just be no point, but I spend all my time

reflecting and overthinking and

On tick-tock because I love a tick-tock shit is so funny

But anyway, let me walk you through

Every issue as I see it getting on a dating app. Okay. So the first problem you run into is when you’re making the profile

You’re trying to represent yourself through pictures and for someone that is as complex as me

That is very very hard. I’ve got like 12 personalities. Okay, and that’s being

Lenient with that’s like a low number. That’s a low guess. I don’t know how to

Portray that online in a couple of pictures. They all dress different

I don’t actually have like split personality disorder, but I’d be five different fucking people

Okay, like you’ll see a picture of me in one setting and be like, okay

I get it have one opinion of me and like what I could be and then you’ll see me in another picture and be like

That’s two different fucking people. Like I look the same but my vibe and the outfit

I’m wearing is two different people because there’s like 12 living up in my brain

Okay, whichever one wanted to express itself that day did like if you see me day-to-day normal

I look like one way if you see me at the gym

I’m another way if you see me at the club, I’m a fuckboy. I’d be showing up gold chain snapback. Hello

How you doing, you know?

There’s a whole nother element to picking pictures of yourself to put on a dating app because pictures only show so much

There’s a lot of things you don’t see about people and things

You can’t represent like the way that you move the way that you walk that can make or break somebody

I walk nice. I feel I have like cool mannerisms

And you can’t portray that through some fucking pictures on a dating app

But like if you see this profile and this motherfucker is like super cute

But he walks like a duck like that’s the deal-breaker for me

It might not be for you

but for me that is but that also works against you because if you have good mannerisms and you have a nice walk and

The way that you move your body people can’t see it

Like that’s that adds hot points that adds a lot of fucking hot points

You got height. You got the build of your body like the way your body is

Bill are you like top heavy? Are you bottom heavy?

What you got going on because you can pose in a picture and cover all that up. Like if you are built really good

Sometimes it doesn’t come across in pictures. So that’s another that’s pretty points

You’re losing because you’re trying to represent yourself through some goddamn pictures. You can’t represent your personality

That’s another thing you can’t put in the picture

People be trying too hard to wear certain clothes to express their personality and they just look like a fucking weirdo

Like they have the cool like what they think is cool socks

Like with the cartoons and shit on them or they’ll wear some kind of like weird fucking bowtie or like a tie

With their like dress clothes or they’ll just they try too hard to like express their self

And they look like a fucking dweeb like you try and put my personality on a fucking dating app

You can’t you cannot represent my personality on a dating app and that loses hot points for me because I’m half

Personality like if you the people that like my personality love it the people that don’t hate me. So my personality is

Hot points. Okay, like those are hot points that I’m losing out on and that pisses me off like you I’m not the cutest in

Pictures, but when you see the way I carry myself when you see my personality you be like, oh fuck

Like but if you just judge me off the way that you see me in pictures, it’s like eh, you know

Another thing you miss out on and you can’t put in pictures is the way that you interact with people

The way that you talk to people. Are you fucking insecure? Are you socially aware? Do you hold the door for people?

Are you aware of who’s around you? You can’t represent that in

Pictures, but you can’t some people are really insecure and weird and look like a fucking deer in headlights

When there’s other human beings around them like that’s unattractive. Are you confident?

Are you like sure of yourself? Not a cocky asshole. Are you afraid to speak up? I don’t like that shit

I need someone that will speak up another thing that works both ways that you can’t

Portray on your profile through your pictures is the way you smell now the stinky motherfuckers gonna slide on this

They get a free pass that like they get to hide that but the motherfuckers that smell good me

I lose hot points because the way that I smell dude, like

One of my biggest fears is to stink so I am like a one on my hygiene

I always have on deodorant like an excessive amount

I always have on a shit ton of cologne even when I go to the gym

I have a separate cologne for the gym. I have a gym cologne. I have a running errands cologne

I have a going out cologne. I got different smells for different things

I want to do but my point is I fucking smell good because I’m terrified to stink. But anyway, that’s hot points

I lose I miss those I don’t get those

Like you’re literally only getting half of me not even you’re getting like a third of me

Through my profile if I try to get on a fucking dating app, so you’re gonna miss out but we’re gonna get to the part

Where for someone like me it will make you insecure

We’re getting there, but my point with the whole trying to choose pictures of yourself. You can’t grasp

Who you fully are as a person through pictures, even if you don’t even talk like you can’t grasp

Someone and their energy that’s another thing you cannot show online is someone’s energy if you meet me in real life

The people that have met me all of my friends everyone in my life

Says I have a safe

Protective and calming energy like people just feel safe with me. They feel good about their self. They feel okay

They feel protected. You can’t portray that online. You have to meet me in person. You have to experience it

You have to like feel it. I know some people don’t believe in the energy shit, but you’re a fucking idiot. Wake up

It’s a real thing. The way someone makes you feel is

Huge because some people can make you feel gross. Some people can make you feel uneasy

Some people can make you feel like like your skin is crawling

You want to get the fuck up and get away from them?

Like people just have that aura that energy whatever you want to call it about them

So the people that have really good energy, they can’t show that online

That’s and that’s more that’s not even hot points that is like marriage points that’s like motherfucker

I don’t never want to lose you points is if you make someone feel good. We miss those two

So with this people can create any kind of facade they want they can make their self look any way that they want to

Online they can make their self look taller look cooler look smarter. They can fucking fake a personality and

Make it seem like they are the funniest person in the world on a dating app when you give someone control over the way that

They portray their self

They’re only gonna put their best foot forward like they’re not gonna put any of the real shit about them out there

like they’re gonna try and

construct the best version of their self or construct the best image of their self they can create and

That sets you up to get fucked not physically

I mean you probably will want to fuck them when you see them online

But like when you meet them in real life, you’re like, ooh, no fucking sidearm stiff arm

Get the fuck from me taser. So that means they can hide things. They can hide anything. They don’t want you to see

There’s motherfuckers that have kids. There are people no offense to handicapped people, but I saw a motherfucker with one leg

Have a tender and I seen him in real life. So I knew he had one leg

I knew he was like, I knew what he had going on on tinder. He looked fully

legged I

Don’t know how to word this but he made it seem on his tinder that he had two legs

But that’s not something people consider like you just see him in normal clothes doing normal shit

You wouldn’t think oh does homeboy not have a fucking leg like you can hide it really well

And nothing against him or people that do this, but that’s something that I feel it should be disclosed

This means they can hide whatever they want to hide. They’re not gonna put anything that makes them look bad on their profile

You’re gonna see all that shit in person. You are only looking at online

the best

Constructed version of their self they could create and this makes you think people are greater than they are

And it really sets you up to fail like when you meet them in person. You’re like, what the fuck is this?

I do have a little example

I was not gonna pull any examples from my own life

But I feel like I need to there was this boy. I

Met on tinder

Like a year ish ago. I don’t know when the fuck it was. It was a long time ago

Don’t quote me on the day. I don’t fucking know and he was a fucking 10 out of 10

His pictures dude were so fucking hot

like Instagram model

I was

Instantly trying to find his Instagram cuz I’m like this dude is like Instagram famous the way that he fucking looks like get real

And I look I finally found his Instagram. He only had like 2,000 followers. I was like what?

but his pictures dude, like

He was a 10 out of 10. The body was on 12 not even on 10. The body was on 12

The face was on fucking 13

everything was just like

Perfect his attitude he had in his fucking pictures like he was tough stuff and he didn’t give a fuck

He was not insecure at all. He was so cocky

He would fucking spit at you if you were uglier than him, like that’s the way his pictures looked online

Let me tell you how fucking disappointed I was when I met up with this boy

So we talked we bullshitted then we agreed to hang out when I got to his house

He opened his front door and I thought uh-oh

That’s all that’s all I could think was uh-oh cuz I knew it was him

It wasn’t enough of a difference for me to be like is this your fucking roommate?

Like I didn’t get catfished, but I was like, oh, so this is you in real life

Like this is really you and I was thinking that in my head. I didn’t say nothing like I was like, okay

Maybe he’s fun cuz he seemed really fucking fun

His personality seemed cool like the way we had chatted like on the like messages like he seemed cool

So I was like, let me just fucking hang out with him. See how it goes

So I walk in we start hanging out this motherfucker

Was like talking to a loaf of bread. No a loaf of bread will absorb information

This motherfucker was like talking to a brick. He was so

Stupid stupid is like being generous

No personality flat as a board

Was extremely insecure

Like when he was making us a drink this motherfucker was shaking like a salt shaker like he was so

Nervous he fucking spilled some shit like I get being nervous

But like the image you had portrayed of what you were and the way you were talking before I came over

This is not

Who you are?

You know that shit pisses me off. He was very insecure

He had no personality at all. His body did not look like how it looked

it was one of those phases for him like when you’re in a cut like when you’re working out really hard and you cut down and

You take like really hot beach pictures

And then you put a little bit of weight on because it’s like not healthy to maintain such a low body fat percentage

Like he had like porked up a little

Not bad, like he still looked good, but he did not look like his pictures

That’s a turnoff for me. Like I would rather you downplay yourself and then be

Better than I even imagined in real life. That’s what I do

With everything even when I’m about the fuck. I’m like now my dick is small

I’m like just to prepare you my dick is little and then when people go down there like oh my god

Like it’s funny, you know, like I like to play it down. I like people to be pleasantly surprised not fucking disappointed and

Let me tell you

about this guy’s breath

Bad breath is something you will never catch me with in my entire life

I have like three packs of gum on me at all times. I don’t fucking know bad breath

I’m very conscious about it. And that’s one of the things I cannot stand is someone with bad breath

This fucking dudes breath was so bad. I’m surprised

I walked out of there with eyebrows and eyelashes still on my face. I’m surprised it didn’t burn them off with that hot ass breath

That’s something else people can hide and like I said, we were drinking

He made us drinks alcohol was in his mouth and it didn’t kill whatever he had going on in there

He got close to my face one fucking time and that was it

Wrapped that shit up and got out of there like it was so stupid. It was so fucking stupid because when I was

Talking to him and like messaging him

I was so excited to like go meet up with him and like I was putting effort into what I was saying

Like I was so

Trying to like put my best foot forward like this motherfucker had me nervous. This motherfucker had me like

Watching what I say like and then to get in real life and it’s like you’re a fucking goober like for real

That shit was so upsetting and like that experience made me

start digging into tinder and like all these fucking issues because people are never as cool as they seem online and

Social media

Gives people that are nobody’s the opportunities to look like somebody’s because they get to construct an image of whatever they want to look

Like so something about tinder and about the human brain that is working against you is

When I was on tinder looking at this boy when I was looking at his pictures your brain sees what you want to see

Your brain like sees shit better than it is

It’s kind of like the whole mask phenomenon when everyone’s wearing a mask and all you see is like their eyes and up

your brain will

Construct a cuter image if the rest of someone’s face is a mystery like your brain will make them hotter in your own head

Then they actually are that’s why you’re so disappointed when someone pulls their mask down and they’re ugly because you thought they were gonna be

Cuter like you just always assume people are gonna be cuter if you can’t see

Everything you know

But also your brain when you see a picture of someone online it already starts projecting everything you wish and hope for in

That picture like the person that you could see anything that you could potentially want your brains gonna start thinking of it and it’s gonna

Be subconscious. Okay, because how many times have you seen a couple of pictures of somebody and like there are four pictures?

They’re like fuck. Yeah, you’re like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it’s like they’re the vibe that you want

And then that fifth picture

Ruins it like they got a fucking pink t-shirt on or they got some stupid shit on and it were like ruins the vibe

That you had just created in your head like they didn’t match up to it

that’s what your brain does to you like it will hope it will show you what you’re hoping for and

You will see in pictures what you’re hoping for and you won’t see the bad shit

It’s like these hot people that have messy rooms in the background half the people don’t even notice that the room is messy

I do cuz I’d be looking for shit like that

But people don’t see the messy room because they’re looking at the hot person your brain makes you blind to what you don’t want to see

Now your brain is a fucking asshole because it does the opposite when it comes to you

When you look at pictures of yourself, you are nitpicking and seeing every fucking thing wrong with it

You see everything that you don’t like

Okay, when you see somebody else, it’s like they you your brain gases them up

I think fair like I’m realizing this is not fair what your brain does

But like your brain gases up to other people but like when it sees the picture of you

It’s like ripping you apart. Your brain is only gonna see where you’re inadequate and how they’re great

So this is immediately gonna make you insecure. You don’t know this is going on when you’re getting on tinder

But this is what’s going on. So you’re already set up for fucking failure with this

I know I’m not the only one that does this

But you know how when you’re swiping through a dating app and it’s like average people or like ugly people and you’re like, nope

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope, and then you find the hot one like one little fucking unicorn comes through and you

halt every

motherfucking thing you’re doing and

So you swipe right or you like them whatever direction that goes for you like you like this person you like give them a little

Heart or their thumb up whatever the fuck. I don’t know how dating apps work

I’ve only ever used tinder and grinder, but you like the person

Okay, you do the interest button you’re interested and then immediately

You run to your profile to look at it again. You’re like, oh my god. What the fuck pictures? Do I have up?

Do I look hot enough? Do I need to add new pictures? Do I need to change something?

It’s my bio stupid you see someone hot and you

Immediately get insecure and start trying to make sure your shit is perfect before they see you

Because I do it all the time or did when I was on these fucking apps

So this is where things get really complicated when it comes to dating apps is

You’re being judged off of the way that you look in pictures

You are being subconsciously sent the message

your only way of attracting someone is

Through the way you look if you are not hot

You will not catch anyone’s attention. No one’s gonna give you the time of day

You’re gonna get swiped on no one your interest is gonna like you if you’re not hot

This is gonna start making you think that where your value lies is in your appearance in the way that you look

You’re gonna stop seeing all the other things

about you that make you valuable because the only thing that is being reflected to you by these dating apps is

Your only value is in the way you fucking look

Your brain is gonna start adopting that your brain is picking up on that

Like I said in the beginning of this all the great things that you miss out on and all the really

important things that you can’t portray in pictures

All of those things you’re gonna stop seeing as good things about yourself. You’re not gonna recognize those anymore

You’re not gonna look at oh, hey the way that I walk is actually kind of fucking cool

No one cares because the way that you’re gaining attention and the way that you’re getting approval is through a dating app

Where none of that plays a role all it is about is the way that you look in pictures

This is very dangerous territory when it comes to having any kind of self-esteem

I would really like for someone to try and fight me on that one because there’s no getting around that

You can’t portray yourself fully online. All you can show is the way that you fucking look

You might be able to throw a funny little one-liner in your bio. You can’t represent your personality on there

So what are people looking at you for not your personality?

So this is what’s going on subconsciously that you’re not realizing then you get

The motherfuckers that are only on there for sex like if you’re actually on there for like dates and like a relationship good for you, babe

But then there’s other people that are only on there for sex and they’re gonna objectify you even worse

And that’s gonna reinforce these beliefs and these thoughts that you’re already having

It’s gonna make you even more blind to other things you have to offer

You’re gonna be seen as you’re pretty you’re worth talking to because you’re pretty I’ll swipe you because you’re cute

Then people are gonna send you the message of I’m only gonna swipe you because I want to fuck you

They’re looking at you

For sex they’re looking at you for your body what they can get from you. They’re not interested in getting to know you

They’re not gonna validate


Good about you any good traits you have they’re not seeing them. They don’t care. They don’t give a fuck about your personality

They don’t care about

The way you interact with people your mannerisms the way you walk

They don’t care what kind of heart you have

they don’t care if you have

Empathy and compassion or if you are a deep person or if you know a lot of things if you’re knowledgeable if you’re smart

none of that

Matters to these people that are trying to get your attention

Dating apps put you in a whole different world, and it’s not real life. I know the whole social media

It’s like talk shit on that, but dating apps are a whole different beast like that’s a whole different

Alternate reality and it really can fuck you up mentally it will ruin your self-esteem

It will make you blind to anything good about yourself

That is not the way you look or what you can offer sexually and that will lead you into feeling worthless

Into not feeling good enough into feeling like you have nothing to offer people feeling like you have no value

You’re not gonna respect yourself if you don’t feel like you have anything to value you’re gonna get into situations and relationships

That are so much below what you’re worth because you don’t see your value

Dating apps are meant to keep you cripplingly insecure so you stay on them

So, you know when you’re on a dating app and you’ve like gone through all the people in your area and you’re like, oh

well fuck I guess I gotta

Like expand my radius so I can go to like a 50 mile radius or 100 mile radius instead of fucking 10

Because I’m out of people I’m out of people that I could possibly like they’re all ugly or they didn’t swipe me back or whatever

The fucking issue is you start to think that this is all that’s out there

So once you’ve gone through all the people in the hundred mile radius and you’re out of fucking people to swipe on

You’re gonna be like damn. Are my standards too high?

Do I maybe I should just go back and just see like maybe I should just like I can swipe on a few people

Maybe I missed a couple people. Maybe I was too harsh

It’s gonna make you start thinking that there’s less out there than there actually is which makes you insecure

About having high standards, you’re gonna go back and you’re gonna start lowering your standards

You can be like, oh, maybe I could give them a chance. Maybe this could work. Maybe that work. I guess they’re cute

That’s where you fuck yourself because these are the type people that should not have access to you. Your standards keep you safe

As soon as you lower them you open yourself up for low quality experiences

It’s just a cycle of that

It’s a constant cycle of keep swiping through to lower your standards

And then maybe they’ll get low enough where you’ll start matching with people and you’ll start

Liking some people and you’ll get some reassurance off the app that you’re fucking cute again

But what you’d forget to realize is not everyone that is single is on a dating app

There are so many more people in this radius that you have picked out

That are open and actually looking for a relationship then you can even fucking think of

They’re just not on the app, but you get convinced that

They’re not you get convinced that oh

This is all there is and the ways that these dating apps are developed are to fool the fuck out of your brain

So if you’re convinced, that’s all there is you’ll keep swiping. You’ll stay on it. You’ll lower your standards or keep swiping

They want you to do that

But you need to remind yourself what you see on these apps is not all that there is there is so much more I

Guarantee you there’s ten times what you’re seeing

Maybe even 20 that exists in real life the people that you’re looking for the people of quality

I’m sorry to say it are not on these fucking apps

Every once in a blue fucking moon, you’ll get someone that’s worth the fuck that’s desperate enough or too busy

So they’ll get on one of these apps and you’ll find them

That is so few and far between I wouldn’t even bother wasting my fucking time

Because like I said, there’s too much to sort through


so someone can look cute but when you meet up with them and they walk weird or they’re actually short or

They don’t look like how you thought they would or they don’t have the attitude that you thought they would that they were portraying online

It’s just a waste of fucking time. You can knock all of that out

Just by meeting someone in person start going places to meet people if they walk weird

You’ll see it immediately. You’ll know not to fucking talk to them. Don’t approach them

They walk like a fucking duck. You know what I mean? Like you can narrow it down in real life and one of the most

reassuring and like

uplifting things is when you’ve been on the dating app and you feel so fucking ugly and

And then you go out in real life like say you go to a bar or a club or you go to a fucking yoga

Class because you’re into yoga and you start seeing the people there and you like meet more people

You’ll realize you’re a lot cuter than you thought

Dating apps make you insecure. They’re fucking meant to so you’ll stay on them. I

Just think there’s too many problems with dating apps and too much bullshit to sort through that it’s not even worth

My time that’s why I’m not on them. Now if I get to another point where I’m I’d be bored and I have like

Free time and I want to go do all this and take the chance then I might I’m not bashing dating apps

I kind of am not really I’m just making you aware of what the fuck is going on

So you can protect yourself mentally if you choose to get on them. You need to be smart. You need to watch out for yourself

And you need to realize how these things are fucking you up mentally without you realizing oh

And one more thing I want to mention is how?

Disrespectful it is

When an ugly motherfucker swipes you or like super likes you

What the fuck is that? That is the most like

dehumanizing experience

Bitch you thought like it starts making you think like am I fucking delusional or are you like?

What did you think was gonna happen? Did you think you had a chance? You know, like I’d be getting mad

I’m like you really looked at you and then looked at me and was like, yeah

What bitch?

I’m sorry, what?

Run that back turbo rethink that through bitch. Cuz did you really think or were you just like

Taking a shot out in the wild, you know, like were you just like I guess he I fuck

I guess I’ll just seen him that like just in case like what was the what was the race head, you know, I

Just think that is so disrespectful and I be getting my feelings hurt when ugly motherfuckers

Swipe me or like me cuz I’m like you really thought like you thought he was the same caliber, huh?

And another thing talking about disrespect is people on these apps got big fucking balls. Okay, they’re all tough stuff

And they say a lot of shit that they would not say in

person like they wouldn’t dare test you the way that they do online and they would not be as

Slick with the shit that they say if they were face to face and that’s just the internet in general

But I just need to reassure you that about dating apps because people are so goddamn sensitive and people are so goddamn stupid

So my last thing I definitely want to bring up is you need to keep in mind a lot of the times

People forget that it’s actually another human being on the other end of the phone

When they’re communicating

When they’re swiping or not swiping what they’re saying to you when they message you

It’s like it looks like a game like on your phone

It looks like a game and when you do it so much and you swipe so many people you get

Desensitized to it and you kind of forget that it’s a human being and they have feelings too

Like the person that you’re talking to and the person that you’re swiping

That’s a human and a lot of people forget that so their actions are not gonna be

the best when it comes to like what they say and what they

Do and how they handle shit like if they just ignore you

They forget that it’s another human being like they lack consideration

So that’s all I want to say about dating apps

But I do want to make an entire episode about hookup apps like grinder or whatever the straights got for like when they want

to fuck each other

That is a whole like five hour podcast of things to unpack

So I’ll definitely do that soon

But in the meantime if you have anything else you want to hear me talk about you can leave a review of this

podcast five stars preferably

Five I’m holding my hand up like I’m gonna backhand the fuck out of you

If you don’t give me five stars like don’t say nothing if you’re gonna give me one star or like anything less than five

Just shut up and just don’t talk to me. Okay. Bye

But if you’re gonna give me five, I would love to hear what you have to say

So if you want to like comment a topic you can leave a review and then you can add a description to it or you

Can message me on my Instagram?

I’ll put it in the description of this podcast because I’m not gonna try and spell it all out

You can message me on there

Anything you want to hear my hot take on or you want to hear my perspective on I?


Hope that you got something out of this podcast if you did like it share it

Maybe tell your friend about it. Tell your friend that’s addicted to dating apps about it. Maybe maybe they need to hear this

All right. That’s all I got. Thank you for listening and I will talk to you guys next Sunday