Aware & Aggravated - 10. Why Mental Disorders Are The New Trend

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Hi friends, it’s time for Sunday service, and I’m gonna start this Sunday service off with a trigger warning

Yeah, I know in my first episode. I said I’m not gonna give another one, but I’m treading in

shark infested waters today

Because I’m gonna be talking about the mental health field and why all of a sudden everybody seems to have some kind of fucking disorder

Whether it’s anxiety or depression or ADD ADHD

Whatever people can come up with they just throw on their self now

and I’m gonna share my two cents and my realizations I’ve had around all this and

share some shit that people are not seeing and

What comes with that is people having to take accountability and see their self and they’re not gonna like it

So I’m gonna piss some people off with this one, but if this fits you Cinderella if the shoe fits

Reflect a little okay get past your little being triggered and fucking reflect and think about it

That was the meanest trigger warning. I could have ever

But I’m just giving you a heads up. I’m gonna be talking about some heavy shit

So the first thing I need to get off my chest this dumb bitch came on my tick-tock

I made a couple of days ago and tried to discredit me

Because she said I had no training in the field of psychology and I didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about

And what I was saying didn’t hold weight because I didn’t have training or a title and I just want to bring something to people’s awareness

Not everybody feels the need to flash their title to feel credible. I know what the fuck I’m talking about

Okay, I don’t need to go and tell everybody. I’m a registered nurse

I’m a whole ass RN bitch. I have training in psychology. I have training with mental health disorders

I’ve taken extra courses on it

A lot of people don’t know that I’m a nurse because I don’t feel the need to throw that out

I don’t need to prove that what I say is valuable because I went to school and got a degree

That doesn’t fucking matter any Joe Schmo can go get a title and go get a degree

It does not make you any more or less credible

I mean it does give you a little more credibility

But a lot of people have titles that are dumbasses like they’re dipshits have no clue what they’re doing

Like just because someone is a therapist it doesn’t mean they’re a good one just because someone has a job

It doesn’t mean they’re gonna do it

Anyone can read a book and pass the test

because a lot of the people I went to nursing school with we’re goddamn idiots and I’m shocked that they passed but

Getting a certification getting a license getting anything like that is all about your ability to read information

Memorize it and then take a test

Any Joe Schmo can do that. You don’t have to be fucking special to have a title

That’s why I don’t think titles hold weight

that’s why I don’t feel the need to go throw my title around if you don’t want to listen to what I have to say

I don’t care and

honestly, anyone that’s a human being has

Experience with psychology because we’re all living it dumbass like oh my god

This girl just got me mad like she tried to discredit me

Because she thought that I was not qualified to talk about what I was talking about little did she fucking know I am

I’m not a therapist

I’m not a psychologist, but I have training and I have knowledge and experience

with this field

personally and also professionally

That is the worst thing you can ever do when it comes to me is try to make me look stupid

Because I own where I’m deficient. I own it if I don’t fucking know something and you never know

Everything there is to know about me

Sorry, so now that I just put out the fact that I’m a nurse now

You ain’t got shit to say bitch

But my whole point in that was don’t let someone big-dick you

Because they have a title and you don’t there are certain times where a title is important and I get it

but the people that feel the need to flash their title and

Try to discredit others because they don’t have a certain title. It’s some pussy shit. Okay, that’s some insecure


So asleep you’re snoring


so let’s move on to the popularity of

Mental health disorders, so there’s two standpoints. I’m gonna go at this from I’m gonna go at it from the standpoint of the medical field

And why diagnosis are being thrown out so easily now

And I’m also gonna go about it on the standpoint of why people want to be diagnosed

That’s a perspective people don’t consider but I’m gonna do both. Here I go

Okay, so from the medical side of it when people are trained

They’re usually trained to diagnose and treat

So when you’re trying to diagnose you kind of have this underlying tone of like I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with this person

Because typically you have a list of symptoms and if they fit it then they have this problem and you treat this problem

So you’re looking at people like they have a fucking problem. You’re trying to diagnose if they do or don’t a

lot of practitioners think that just diagnosing something and throwing a medication at it is

Useful and they also think that when you look at a list of symptoms and someone fits that list that that’s what the person has

That’s what the person is suffering from and then they’re gonna try and go about treating that

So a lot of practitioners think it’s really cut and dry. I know that there’s a lot that are helpful

There’s a lot that are like a way more aware, but a lot of them are fucking asleep

So they think that if this person fits these symptoms they have this problem now, let’s treat this problem

And then they try to treat it

Every single person is different. So one-size-fits-all is like the worst approach you could fucking take

But who has time to do that from the perspective of the therapist or the psychologist?

Who the fuck has time to get to know and get to learn each person individually to be able to properly treat them?

Nobody, it’s a rushed fucking system. The healthcare system as a whole is

Absolutely fucked but the mental health side

No one has the time to actually dive into each

Individual patient at the level that it would take to truly figure out what was going on. They throw a medication at you

They’re like, okay, you have these symptoms these symptoms relate to a chemical imbalance. Here’s the medication

That is the chemical you’re missing or the chemical that’s gonna balance you out. Hope it works. You’re handed a coping mechanism

Medications are coping mechanisms. That’s it

It doesn’t matter what they are if there is a condition and you are using a medication for it

it is to help deal with certain symptoms a

lot of the staff in this field are

In it to help people like they want to feel like they’re helping but like I said, a lot of them are asleep

So they’re not actually trying to help like I don’t want to say it’s money base

But that is a factor and they like to feel like they’re helping but they don’t want to put in like a lot of effort

So being able to just throw someone like a quick fix air quote cure or something to manage their symptoms

They think that they’ve helped this person

When they actually did it they just masked the problem

I actually was one of the people that went into my doctor and was diagnosed as clinically severely depressed

Everything makes sense looking back

But my point is I walked in and I was given a fucking sheet and I filled out certain symptoms

I checked if I had them or didn’t and then they just used the number scale of how I answered the fucking test

Basically diagnosed if I was depressed or not, like it was fucking pathetic and they put me on Zoloft, which is an antidepressant

I never took it, but they prescribed it to me and I was just like

All right

The way that they just so quick just threw the fucking medication at me made me laugh and like disgust

I was like what the fuck like y’all didn’t even take two seconds to actually ask what I was going through what was going on

Like y’all just threw a medication at me. Okay, cool

And I know people are gonna come at me not everybody’s experiences like that

I get it

but too many people’s are and the prescription of medications and the diagnosis of certain disorders is

Just thrown around like it’s no big deal

So something else that definitely needs to be taken into consideration is how complex human beings are

there is so much shit that we don’t know about

Why we are the way we are and why and how we operate the way that we do. There is so much like

Confusion because no one’s the same. Like I said trying to figure this shit out. Good luck

There are so many things that science still has no explanation for there’s so many things that happen and there’s so many elements to

Human beings as a whole that no one can fucking explain

so I will cut the field of psychology some slack because

There’s so many things you can’t explain

There’s so many things that we do not understand and in a world where everybody wants immediate results and immediate relief and to feel better

Fast they kind of have to deal with it

They kind of just have to throw out what shuts people to fuck up because it’s an overwhelming amount of people that are like running

for help

But you want to get into marketing a lot of the reason that people are constantly frantically looking for

Cures for the way that they feel is because they’re being taught that the way that they feel is wrong. Look at marketing

Marketing is meant to poke a hole in

Everything that you think you should be going on

so by marketing and social media and everything going on in like the new age of like this generation is

Fucking everybody up mentally because we’re being told we should feel like this. We shouldn’t feel like this

We should have all of these things accomplished by this age

And if you don’t something’s wrong with you one size fits all does not work. No one fucking knows what’s good for anybody

Like you have to figure that out for yourself

Like society as a whole has failed itself

Like I want to say like society has failed me, but I’m part of it like society has failed itself

Everyone is just trying to make money and their marketing shit to make everyone feel bad about the way that they feel

So they’ll buy their product little do they know it’s just causing so much pain to people like yeah

You made your money, but everyone is fucked up in the head now

Like I feel so bad for the people that have to grow up in this day and age like

Holy shit, dude

I don’t want to have kids like I’ve always wanted to have kids

But I’m so scared of what the fuck the world is turning into

like I don’t want to bring something into this world and

Bring it into this shit show and then God forbid something happens to me and I fucking die and it’s stuck here by itself

oh my god, no, like I would lose my fucking shit and

Science is very behind because in order for something to be scientifically figured out and proven it takes time

So we’re over here experiencing shit as it’s happening and science isn’t catching up for years

So all the research and all the cures and all the shit that we think we know is years behind

But besides that nowadays you got access to any information you want. So

When you feel like something’s wrong with you if you’re experiencing something that you feel is off you can look up shit

You can go online. You can go to doctors like everything is so advanced that

People experience something and then go hunting for a solution and a quick fix

whereas if you didn’t go running from yourself and running from what you’re feeling and

Experiencing you might be able to find something that will actually work. So

Running away and trying to find all these solutions is taking you away from yourself

You’re distracted and you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with you. Wake up, babe. There’s nothing wrong with you

It’s understandable

If you would just look at why you are the way that you are and why you do the things that you do

You will see that you had to adapt certain behaviors at a certain point in your life to survive

Whatever you were dealing with you had to learn to be or act a certain way or

Cope in a certain way that helped you when you’re no longer in a situation that you had to cope with if you still do

The coping mechanisms that helped you with nothing to cope with it’s gonna start to hurt you

So you just got to try to understand yourself and why you do what you do. There’s a fucking answer to it

It just lies inside you not outside of you

So when you’re out here hunting for the solution, you’re fucking yourself

something people genuinely do not understand is

when you grow up in an

Invalidating household where your emotions are not seen they’re discredited

They’re invalidated that it will fuck you up. That seems so small, but it is the cause of so many other things

So an example is borderline personality disorder the diagnosis

You’re supposed to have five out of the nine symptoms. I used to have eight of them and so did my sister

We were never clinically diagnosed

But upon looking at all the behaviors we were exhibiting and all the shit that we thought was wrong with us as soon as we went

Into why are we doing what we’re doing?

How is this how did this come about if you look at a certain behavior you have and you play the tape backwards?

How could someone end up at this place doing this thing or thinking this way?

You will start to see all the things that happened for you to get there

So the invalidating household thing whenever you were feeling a bad emotion if your parent looked at you and was like

There’s no reason to be upset. Why the fuck are you upset? Boom? You’re instantly invalidated. So you’re still gonna feel sad or upset

Regardless of what everybody else around you says so when you’re little you are dealing with the contradiction

So you feel a certain way your parent tells you no, you shouldn’t feel that way or no, you don’t feel that way

So you’re dealing with the way that you feel

Plus now you have to deal with the contradiction that you feel your inside does not match your outside

Your reality is a contradiction


most of your time is gonna be focused on dealing with the contradiction and

Trying to get away from that or trying to like figure out a way to cope with feeling like shit and also having to function

This is a very important time for you to be learning how to regulate your emotions

But you are not ever gonna be in the position to learn how to regulate them if you don’t even believe them or everyone’s

Invalidating them. So with borderline personality disorder, it’s basically you lack the skills to

Regulate your emotions and it is understandable. I know that sounds insensitive and it’s like a simple quick fix

It is so complex, but at the root cause of it, that’s it

constant invalidation and gaslighting

That never allowed you to learn how to fully deal with your emotions. You were just dealing with the constant contradiction and

Trying to fight the way that you felt

So when you have these emotions that you feel and I was an adult and you don’t know how to fucking deal with them

You’re gonna exhibit the behaviors of borderline personality disorder. Hello

With anxiety people do not know how to regulate their emotions. I know that there’s so much more to it, but hang on

Anxiety is not fucking bad. Every human being feels it it becomes debilitating when you do not know how to control it

By sitting in it and working with it. You will learn to control it

You will never learn how to surf if you don’t get in the fucking water

If you don’t go get in the fucking waves, you will never learn how to ride them

So when you have all these emotions come up and this anxiety come up and all these anxious thoughts if you keep running from

Them you will never learn how to surf them

Go get in the fucking water get in those thoughts. It’s gonna be uncomfortable. It’s gonna hurt like hell

You’re gonna freak the fuck out like learn how to control yourself

Learn how to control your emotions as much as you can after you’ve done that or if you need help doing that go get it

But trying to get a fucking Xanax just to shut it up. That’s not the way to go, babe

Oh and a little fun fact about anxiety

You know how when you wake up in the morning and you’re like stressed out or you feel like a little bit of like panic

Your cortisol levels are higher in the morning

That’s why you feel stressed out when you wake up

And some mornings you do sometimes you don’t but when you do wake up and you’re stressed out

That could be a cause of it. So that’s just something for you to know

And no, I will not be talking about eating disorders in this episode because i’m gonna make an entire

Podcast episode about eating disorders and then i’m gonna make another one after that with my diet tips

And all the shit i’ve learned about weight loss and gaining muscle and all that

But eating disorders also kind of apply to everything i’m saying in this

but that’s such a fucking

Big cookie to try and crumble that i’m gonna give it its own episode

Oh my god, that was a terrible analogy

I am not making a fat joke talking about crumbling a cookie


So now let’s flip this into the opposite side of you’re the patient going in

Okay, like I said the psychiatrist or whoever is going to diagnose you is going to look at you

With the tone of like you have a problem and i’m trying to figure out what your problem is

Because you’re walking in and saying I feel

This way this way and this way

And they’re immediately going to be like, oh no, that’s not good

We’re going to try and figure out how to fix that

So immediately right off the bat you are being reflected

That there is something wrong with the way that you feel and when you walk into a practitioner’s office

They are kind of in the place of authority. So you’re going to them you trust them

You trust their judgment and if they’re looking at you like this and basically trying to figure out what’s wrong with you

You’re going to feel like you have something wrong with you

It’s a whole different taste when someone tries to understand

Why you are the way you are versus trying to figure out all these problems you’re having to diagnose you with something

And this whole process kind of demonizes your emotions and makes them bad

Because when you walk in and say i’m feeling sad or i’m feeling hopeless

The practitioner is going to look at you and be like, oh no, that’s not good

Let’s figure out how to not feel that most of the times they’ll ask you why?


Once they hear what you’re going through that’s made you sad. Okay. Well to help you deal with this

Here’s a fucking antidepressant. Here’s some xanax for when you start getting anxious. You know what I mean?

All of us feel like we have something wrong with us

We do like it’s just the fucking base of it and we all struggle with feeling like we’re not good enough

I swear to god. It’s all of us. You’re not alone in that

But when you walk into this practitioner’s office and you are feeling this way

And then they give you a diagnosis

Of you have this problem. This is what’s wrong with you. You feel validated. You just got confirmation that the way that you feel

Was right like you felt like something was wrong with you and they just confirmed that

You’re gonna be relieved because you’re gonna be like, oh fuck finally. Yeah, it makes sense because i’ve been feeling like this

So it feels good to have that diagnosis. You finally have an explanation for the way that you feel

That’s what you think you think that’s the explanation for the way that you feel you think the depression or the anxiety

or the adhd is the like cause and that’s what

Is the real reason you feel the way that you do

And then you stop looking you stop looking for the real reason of what is causing it

Which is a very lengthy process

It’s so fucking long and so many people throw the responsibility of figuring it out onto their practitioner whoever’s trying to help them

They’re there to help you sort shit out

You’re supposed to be doing the reflective work on your own and going to them when you hit a block or when you need

A new perspective or you need help. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help

but I think a lot of people throw the totality of their healing and their

reflection onto whoever’s working with them, which isn’t

Feasible like they don’t have enough time in the fucking day

To learn about you and all of their other clients to the level that you need to to actually get to the bottom of it

Like you’re responsible for the most of it. You’re responsible for like the

Heavy part of it, which nobody wants to be everybody would rather just hear a fucking

Diagnosis and run with it. So I get it like it totally makes sense why people do

So now I want to move into why a lot of people claim their disorder

So fucking hard and make it their personality trait because that’s very common on social media right now

From what i’m seeing and i’m not going to be as mean as you would think about this one

Let’s use depression as an example for what i’m about to talk about. So let’s say someone is going through life

And shit is just really

hard for them

Like they’re constantly disappointed. They try everything that everybody else does but it doesn’t work out for them

Like shit just seems to be more difficult

For this person

Than other people like they feel like they’re at a disadvantage somehow because shit’s just not working

It’s hard and they can’t really find an explanation for it. I rhyme a reason like they’re just pushed to a point where

They feel like no matter what they do

It’s like pointless. It’s not going to work. It’s not going to help them

If someone is feeling this way

And they are diagnosed

with a condition

That is their savior. So daily life. Everyone’s going to expect this person to operate normally

If there’s no indication physically that something’s wrong


You’re expected to perform and you’re expected to function and you’re held to a certain standard. So this person that is feeling

Like at a huge disadvantage and is so fucking disappointed by everything and shit’s just not working for them. They’re expected

to still

Perform air quote and like function despite how they’re feeling

So normal life is going to seem more difficult for them because they’re battling something that other people can’t see

And other people don’t understand because typically when you try and talk to someone about shit you’re going through

They’ll be cool with it the first couple times and then they’re going to get to the point where they think that you’re bitching

And complaining and you’re just going to be seen as like a whiny motherfucker

And things are not going to make sense. Like most people are not aware enough

To actually be able to conceptualize of what you’re going through when you go to them and say I feel hopeless

So if someone’s feeling this way and they’re having these experiences and they go and they get diagnosed they’re like thank fucking god

like finally

Everything makes sense. I have something wrong with me and then they can tell people. Oh, i’m depressed

I’m clinically diagnosed as depressed. I’m clinically diagnosed as anxious

I have adhd. That’s why I can’t focus on anything

They have something now where they can tell it to people and be cut slack

if someone says

I am clinically depressed

They’re immediately

Like no longer held to the expectations of a seemingly normal functioning person

So they get relief

That’s totally understandable. Like why the fuck would you want to function if you’re feeling all of these things?

If you feel like no one’s cutting you slack I can see where someone would want to go seek out

Something to help them be cut slack

And a lot of people don’t realize that they’re doing this

and we’re gonna get into

How these diagnoses like help you avoid responsibility in a minute and i’m gonna have to like show some tough love

But just my point with this of like I can understand and see why someone would want to flaunt

they’re like

mental disorder

Because it it makes people see hey something’s wrong with me. So like when someone is handicapped

You can physically see that they’re missing a limb or they’re in a wheelchair or they have some kind of deformity

You know immediately not to hold them to a certain standard, you know immediately like you have to cut them some slack and be more

Understanding so when someone gets a clinical diagnosis and keeps bringing it up, that’s them waving their little white flag

That’s them letting everybody know. Hey, i’m in a wheelchair. I have something working against me

So don’t expect the same things you’d expect out of a normal person

This can also be used as a form of protection

from criticism

Because people are not going to criticize someone with something wrong with them

Then they’re immediately the asshole like if you go make fun of someone for being handicapped

You’re a fucking dick

Like what’s wrong with you honestly what the fuck is wrong with you to unprovoked go make fun of somebody as it is


The people that throw out their diagnosis

are less frequently


And criticized and bullied and shit because it’s like an instant way for people to feel bad for you

So they don’t criticize you and this also makes total sense

But I do want to go back to the depression thing really quick

um, if you are having experiences where

You’re at a place where you feel hopeless

So if shit is going wrong in your life and you keep trying things and they’re not working

No shit, you feel hopeless

No fucking shit

Given the experiences you’ve had

If you’re at a point where you feel hopeless and like why even bother?

There’s nothing wrong with that

Like anybody in your position that was dealing with that and what you’ve been through would feel the exact same fucking way

So don’t judge yourself for the way that you feel no matter what it is

Because the way you feel is never wrong because the way that you feel

Is based off of the thoughts that you’re thinking and the experiences you’re having and the meanings you assign to those experiences

So if you keep having fucked up shit happening to you

Of course, you’re gonna like just want to give up anyone would

And a lot of people are at the point where they want to

This is so much more common than you think because when you hear of a random suicide

Someone does not just wake up one day and be sad and kill theirself

It is a prolonged and like extended period of time where they’re feeling the same way and they’ve tried and tried and tried

To stop feeling this they’ve tried to fix it. It doesn’t work

Like someone it’s not just a rash decision to kill yourself. Like that’s what people don’t fucking get

It’s you’re suffering with these certain feelings for so long that one day you just have enough and you off yourself

But my point is so many more people are suffering with hopelessness and feeling

Like just fucking for what than you think?

So many people are on the verge of suicide right now that you have no idea about so you’re not alone with the way that you feel

Not at all like so many more people deal with this than you think I deal with it

I’ve been there multiple times. Everyone would just look at me and think everything’s fine

But I have been to that brink so many fucking times

and i’m not saying that for like

Anything other than to make you feel seen

Because you would look at me and think there was nothing fucking wrong like that to that extent

But bitch i’m right here with you

I just had a fucking three-day meltdown about how hopeless I felt and how disappointed I was

But when you’re in those emotional states and when you’re like hopeless and you’re like fuck it for what

That is your sign. You need to do something differently something needs to change

Now you can look for a medication you can look for a air quote cure

to fix the problem

Or you can look for the changes that you need to make there’s two different directions. You can go in

And the mental health community does not typically go in the one where you help yourself

They run to the one of like shove a medication down your throat and do all these different things

They don’t like personal accountability

They don’t like taking control of your own life and helping yourself and making the changes that you need to make so you don’t feel

so helpless

Changing your thought patterns or questioning your beliefs and the meanings you’re assigning to experiences

That shit will shift your mindset in two seconds and it will shift your entire everything

Because the way that you feel about something is based off of your perception of it. So

The way that you’re looking at something is dictating how you’re feeling about it

If you can change the way you look at something it will immediately change the way you feel about it

and when I learned this

I exercise this for like years

Like i’ve been doing this for a long time and it’s helped me so much and that is why I created my app

Because I was at a point where I couldn’t find help

What everyone else was doing wasn’t working for me. It never worked for me to feel better. So

I figured it out for my fucking self


Now I turned it into a resource for other people

I’m not plugging my app right now to plug it

So i’m like, oh people everyone go download everyone go so I can make some money. Like my point is


Found something that worked for me and now i’m sharing it with other people

This is just a very fitting position if you don’t want to get it don’t get it, but i’m telling you personally

From my experience. This is what’s helped me. This is what has gotten me off the ledge so many times

This is what has instantly shifted my reality

So many times is the questions that I ask myself

And the shit that i’ve put into my app like all the journal prompts all the different topics you can go into

There’s questions in each one and they’re meant to flip your perspective about what you’re going through

My app is called positive focus for a reason

I will put the link in the description of this podcast if you want to check it out

I really hope you do check it out because it’s been really helpful for me like I use it as a tool


I can think rationally and I can think logically


I’m, not upset, but when I am upset about something

I actually go into my own app and use it because like I said when i’m in the high emotional states

I can’t think logically i’m not seeing things correctly

So when I go in I already have like the logic and the reason set out for myself so I can use it

You know what? I mean? Like think myself out of shit and think in a better direction

So people always yelling about their disorder i’m depressed i’m anxious i’m this i’m that it’s their immediate way of being relieved of the pressure

To behave a certain way or to do certain things like it’s letting people know

Like the example with the handicap. It’s letting people know i’m in a wheelchair

I’m mentally in a wheelchair like I don’t something’s wrong with me upstairs

And the way that you are able to handle things I have some kind of deficiency

So you need to cut me slack you need to be understanding to me

But the part that I don’t understand

Is when people try to use it as an excuse

That I do not fuck with because I am very big on

Personal accountability and taking responsibility for shit and owning up when you need to

I do not think that these over popularized

Mental disorders and diagnoses the ones that i’ve mentioned in this

Are an excuse or should ever be allowed to be an excuse for blatant disrespect

Or being inconsiderate towards others

I get it. You’re dealing with your own shit

You have your own things you’re worrying about but that’s not an excuse for you to disregard others

And a lot of people use it to not have to take on responsibility like they don’t push their self and make their self actually

Work towards something or do something like they just use it to be able to sit on their ass. I’m like


Because i’m not like that

Everyone wants to get out of having to do shit. I like to do shit

But you can absolutely tell when someone is milking their diagnosis as an excuse versus when they’re not

They’re just letting you know that they have it

And I just want to let all y’all fruitcakes know that do milk your fucking diagnosis and use it as an excuse

We all think you’re fucking pathetic

Because none of us can say it because then we’re we’re we’re the bad people for making fun of someone that’s handicapped

Because when we call you on your fucking shit, you like to flip into the victim role

But we know when you’re milking it

If you use your diagnosis as an excuse to be an asshole eat shit

This is where all you bitches are going to want to fight and tussle

But let’s do it. Like I will totally take into consideration

if someone has

some sort of

Deficiency or issue or something working against them. I will totally

Always take that into consideration

But I will not let you use it as a crutch. I will not let you use it as an excuse when it comes to me

I’m, very fair and i’m very understanding

And I will always cut slack when there it needs to be cut like i’m aware enough to know when someone needs help

Versus when they’re just fucking around

And that’s what a lot of people are doing nowadays on social media

Is they’re using this shit as like an excuse and they’re also doing it for like pity and sympathy

Like I said the whole cut me slack thing people use it to be quirky people use it to be like look

Yeah, well i’m struggling with this thing. Look how strong I am. I’m dealing with this

Look it and i’m doing so good. Look at it’s a weird like fucking dynamic and i’m watching it unfold

And so much in the younger generations and i’m like, oh my god

Like i’m 23 and i’m over here like in the year

I watch it in the younger generations. Like i’m not fucking gen z over here. Jesus christ

I just feel mentally like 105. I don’t get it. I don’t relate to these fucking people these little teeny boppers. I don’t get it

So I do want to offer a solution to you guys because like I said, I recently went through one of these deep like

Pits of like a depressive episode

I don’t know what the fuck to call it or what to label it because it’s I don’t want to call it depression

But I went through this period where I felt this just like

I’m done. Like i’m sick of it. I’m tired. Like i’m just done trying


It just made me so

fucking sad

And it’s just this feeling state

It’s just this wake up one day and you have this all of a sudden like sense of like doom

And you’re just fucking over it. You’re sick of it. You’re ready to just throw your fucking hands up. I have these often like

every few months

I’ll get one of these episodes

every single time

I have one of these like it’s like a roller coaster or like a ditch like if you are walking in a field

And there’s this giant hole in the ground i’m talking like 50 feet fucking down and it’s like 10 feet like diameter

So like you fall into this hole and it’s like you’re sitting at the bottom of it

And you’re like what the fuck do I do you’re meant to go into it

Because there is a treasure at the bottom

Every single fucking time I go through one of these episodes where i’m really really sad

It always leads to me becoming aware of something

Huge I fall into the fucking pit of

I’m hopeless. I’m tired. I’m done. I just want to lay here at the bottom of this hole

Like I don’t give a fuck anymore and then i’ll find the treasure

Which is the awareness or whatever?

I needed to learn will come to my awareness and then I will get

The urge to climb out not that something comes to save me and pulls me out. I get that

I want to go again

Not that i’m hopeless anymore

And then I go with the new realization that i’ve had

And it I pull myself out of the hole and I keep fucking walking forward a few months later. I have a new

Ditch that I fall into

That’s just how it keeps going

And i’ve learned to start getting excited when these happen because I know

I’m meant to become aware of something fucking huge. Like i’m about to make a huge change to my life

Now a lot of people get stuck in these holes because they try to cope their way out of them

I lay in the bottom of them for like three days

I will just sit there in the shitty fucking feelings and the whole fuck it. I don’t give a fuck

I’m done with everything like I will just let myself feel it

And then through venting about it to like my mom or my sister or my friends like i’ll just vent about it

I won’t act on it

I’ll just vent about it and like sit with how i’m feeling and then the realization will come

After as i’m like venting every time I swear

But other people will see their self in this hole and shame their self

Oh my god

Look at how much you have to be grateful for

They find something wrong with the way that they feel and they try to shame their self into getting up

And it doesn’t work

Or they try to ignore the fact that they’re in the hole. They try to numb it out drugs alcohol

They try to numb out the way that they’re feeling

That gets you stuck in the hole. The only way out is through

So if you want to get out of the emotions that you’re feeling you have to go through them

You have to feel them

Let the emotions hang out like just hang out with them sit with them

They’re there to tell you something and teach you something. So pay attention quit running from it. I get it bitch

Let me let me slow it down because I understand the coping thing. I cope everybody copes

Sometimes it’s just too much and you’re like, I don’t want to deal with it yet

But you’ll cope for a little bit and then you’ll be ready to face them and that’s fine

I could do an entire podcast on coping. I’m probably not going to because that’s a slippery fucking slope

Like this one is not i’m over here at the water park with these fucking

topics I keep picking

But yeah, i’ve just learned with the hole every time I get in the hole

There’s a realization to come out of it

but it is really hard to remind yourself of like

There is something coming out of this while you’re in it because every single time I go through it I forget

I’m, really down and i’m just like

This might be it

But every single time I come out of it

And I find a little treasure and then i’m on my fucking way

But that’s the way that i’ve wrapped it up in my mind is like I find a little treasure

But I promise like awareness will set you free. That is the only thing that will set you fucking free

That is the little treasure

So let’s use an example from my podcast episode number eight

Expressing you’re uncomfortable

So remember how I said i’ve never felt considered by people and i’ve always just felt people don’t really give a fuck

That pushed me into a hole one time. I was at the bottom of the hole of like

trying to

Deal with people is fucking useless. I’m always let down. I’m always hurt. It’s just

Pointless like I literally got to the point where I was so helpless. Like why even bother trying to be around people?

Why even bother trying to rely on others or like hope for the best?

Like every time I had tried to have hope I was let down

I got pushed into one of those holes and then I got the awareness


How I was contributing

And how if I want to be considered

I need to express the true way that i’m feeling if I want people to accommodate me and to show me that they care

About me. I have to put them in positions where they can show that and I wasn’t doing that

So that was the little treasure that I got

That made me want to get the fuck up and climb out of the hole and keep running because that’s what I did

I realized that wasn’t as hopeless as I thought and there was things that I could change and the way that I was living

Had to fully shift

But that’s the thing a lot of people don’t want to do

They don’t want to see where they have control and where they need to be accountable

So they stay stuck in the hole

They don’t gain the awareness or if they do gain the awareness, they’ll talk theirself out of it

You can’t really though. You can’t talk yourself out of awareness, babe

Once it hits you and hits your consciousness, you’re fucked

You can make the change or you can die in the hole

But sitting at the bottom of that hole is going to become a lot more uncomfortable once you become aware

You’re not just going to be able to sit there and throw your hands up anymore

Because you’re going to become aware of there are things you can do and there are changes to be made

So then you’re going to be at a part of like well fuck

I just had a realization while I was filming this. I’m a very visual person

So when I keep saying the fall in the hole and the shit like that and like there’s a treasure in it

I’m, very visual. I like images and I see awareness as images and like visuals

So like I said when you’re walking through the field

It’s like you have a map in your hands and you’re following this map and then over time shit just ain’t working

It’s not taking you to the right fucking spots. It’s like defective. It’s not working. You’re frustrated. You’re pissed off

You don’t know what to do. You’re like hopeless with this fucking map. Then you fall in the hole

Then you find a new map. So like the treasure I keep talking about is awareness. So like

You gain the awareness you find the new map of the new route you can take

Because at the point when you had that map and you’ve exhausted all your options, you don’t see any more routes

You don’t see anything else

so your only way to find more is to fall into that fucking pit and find that new map like you’re

Emotions, like I said are meant to teach you something

So you need to go into that fucking pit to find your new avenues for life to find the changes

You need to make to find the new paths to go down

That’s what’s in the bottom of the hole

So get excited when you get depressed bitch and then hang out

And then you’re gonna find the new map in like three to five business days

I wish it was that simple. It’s a lot harder, but that’s the visual I can give you because that’s what it’s like for me

So since I mentioned my app I am going to tell you if you have some kind of mental disorder or diagnosis

You can plug that into the journal topic of pain and injury

Just plug in what you’ve got for that

And ask yourself those questions

I don’t want to spoil it and tell you what I think you’re going to become aware of

But I will tell you

A lot of awareness awaits you with that one bitch like you better get ready and you got to be ready to face yourself

Once you start digging into

Why you have the diagnosis you have and how it’s benefiting you as soon as you flip and start looking at that

Just watch

And another one you can look at if you’re trying to look at old behaviors and old beliefs and like rework those

um is not getting something that you want that prompt will

Really help you become aware of this shit. That is like no longer serving you and what’s actually holding you back

Like I said, i’ll put the link in the bio of this if you want to check it out

It’s available on iphones and androids. It’s called positive focus. It’s the blue one with the eye real aesthetic real pretty

I tried to make it look futuristic like we looking into the future like that’s so raven this bitch

I really did not base it up. That’s a raven. I just came up with that. That’s funny

But yes, the biggest takeaway. I want every single person listening to this to take


There’s nothing wrong with the way that you feel

Start looking at why you feel the way that you feel. What is making you feel the way that you feel?

That’s where the answer lies

If you enjoyed this episode, will you leave my podcast five stars, please?

Thank you so much. Like i’m asking you like you’re gonna respond to me, but just do it


Reviews really help me and if you do get my app

Will you leave that a five star rating too because that really helps with the app like the podcast is like cute fun

But it really helps the app when you leave that one review

And if you have any suggestions of how I can make my app better dm me on instagram

I’ll put my instagram in the description of this also just message me because i’m always trying to improve

And if you guys have any ideas of shit, well, let me hear them. That’s all I got for this episode

Thank you for coming to my sunday service whether you’re listening to this on sunday or not. I put out new episodes every sunday

So this is our church

Oh happy new year, I never said that to anybody like, sorry

I’m an asshole like I never even mentioned it’s a whole ass new year, but happy new year everyone

And I will talk to you next sunday