Aware & Aggravated - 13. Recent Realizations

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hi friends it’s time for Sunday service once again happy Sunday Pastor Leo here

I think it’s funny as fuck some of you guys have been commenting that on my

tick-tock you’ve been calling me like Pastor Leo and shit I think that is so

funny but anyway I need to tell you guys I have two tick-tock accounts a lot of

people don’t know that like some people just find my not Leo for legal reasons

and then they just assume that’s the only one I have I have another tick-tock

but anyway this week I want to just ramble and talk some shit about some

recent realizations I’ve had I swear realizations just hit me out of fucking

nowhere I was just making tuna the other day minding my business and I don’t know

if it’s my spirit guides or the universe or whoever threw me a fucking curveball

of awareness and it like smacked me in the face I’m like bitch I’m cooking

right now I’m not thinking about that why are you just throwing thoughts in my

brain I don’t like it I don’t like the random realizations I like the ones

where I sit down and I like journal it out and I try to figure out what’s going

on those are the realizations I like I don’t like the ones where I just get

like a random fucking download when I’m like cooking tuna or I’m at the gym you

know I just want to ramble and share these with you because honestly if I

gotta realize that you do too bitch so the first one I want to talk about is

cat so I have a black cat and her name is cat but it’s spelled with the K so I

was just sitting there the other day observing her I was just looking at her

and I like love her like my love for her fucking like flipped into overdrive

because the little bitch is not bothered by anything like I admire that about her

this sounds so stupid but I’m gonna get into the full realization like just bear

with me don’t rush me I’m the only one here I’m losing my mind I’m losing my

fucking mind I am the only one here recording this podcast and I’m like

don’t rush me bitch shut up so yeah I was watching cat and I had this full

fucking like revelation that the bitch just does not let anything bother her

like she was walking around and following me from room to room so like

I’m assuming she was like needy and she wanted attention and she wanted to like

be near me and I was like busy running around doing shit so I walked to the

laundry room to my room and then I walked to the bathroom and then to the

bathroom in the guest room and I was just like beep bopping around doing my

shit and cleaning and cat was following me like she would just show up in the

room I was in and just look at me and then I would go to the next room and she

would just follow me it was the cutest fucking thing but I admired that about

her because she was lonely she wanted attention so she followed me and then I

sat down at my desk and I was on my computer and she just came and sat next

to me and that’s when I realized I was like yo she just has something and does

it like she feels needy she wants attention so she just comes and gets

near me and I loved it like I personally would never oh my god like I’m so I

don’t want to be annoying like how she just followed me room to room I thought

it was the cutest fucking thing but if I was needy and I like wanted to be around

somebody I would think that walking to the room they were in and like following

I would think I’m being annoying like I would be so scared for them to perceive

me as like annoying and be like what the fuck like get away from me you know but

like she didn’t care she does not have that thought like she was lonely and she

wanted to be around me so she followed me around she came and sat down next to

me at the computer and just sat there like wanted to be near me so she came

and got near me I love that I’m inspired by the fucking cat because now if I want

to hang out with somebody I’m just gonna go hang out with them if I want to go

be around I’m gonna go be around them like I know that sounds so childish but

we really need to get back to that level of simplicity but with cat another thing

I realized about her like this little bitch I love her so much more now like I

loved her before but now like oh my god she’s like my little teacher I was

laying in bed and like she does this thing where she’ll she’s weird she’s

just like me she’s very detached if she’s very clingy like when I want to

when I want to be petted pet me when I want you to hang out with me give me

attention but when I don’t leave me the fuck alone so when she wants attention

when I’m like laying in the bed getting ready to go to sleep she’ll like do this

thing with her paw where she like scratches me and like not scratches me

but she’ll like try to pull my arm to her to pet her but it scratches me and

every time I’m like ow you fucking rat and then I’ll just like pet her but like

that’s how she gets my attention when she wants to be petted she’ll get it she

doesn’t care oh maybe I’m gonna piss him off maybe I’m gonna scratch him like

no he’s gonna pet me like she doesn’t consider she’s being annoying and she’s

like she wants to be petted so she’s gonna be petted and I love it but when I

get annoyed or aggravated she doesn’t make it mean anything about her she’s

not like oh my god I’m annoying like he just got mad at me and yelled at me

because I scratched him because I wanted attention she doesn’t make it mean

anything about her she’s just like okay he’s not gonna pet me so she’ll just lay

down like she doesn’t take anything personal and I do I am the most take it

personal ass motherfucker you will ever meet like my feelings are hurt 99% of the

time no one just ever knows I’ve gotten a lot better at it but I just love that

about cat because when she wants attention she’ll go to get it like

she’ll go to the place or the person to get it and if they don’t want to give it

to her she doesn’t get upset about it she doesn’t get like oh my god I’m

annoying oh my god she doesn’t make it mean anything about her and I’m so

inspired by that like I fucking love that like it’s just so simple like cat

makes it so simple and I love it like if she’s hungry she’ll go to her fucking

little food bowl she’s not worried about anything else if she needs to fucking

get some water she’ll go to her little water bowl like if she wants attention

she’ll come to me and try and get it if I don’t give it to her she’s like okay

and she’ll walk off and lay down and whatever she’s gonna do like she doesn’t

take anything personal yo like I have a whole new appreciation for her and pets

in general because babies are like that too like little kids before they’re

socialized and fucked up like kids are like that kids are so simple kids are so

just like I have a feeling I have an urge and I go do it cat when she wants

attention is not like oh my god I don’t want to be annoying oh my god I want to

piss him off like she’ll just come find me when she has an urge for attention

she doesn’t get in her head and try to convince herself no you shouldn’t want

that you shouldn’t want to go be petted like no don’t be an asshole don’t go do

that because it’s gonna make him mad at you like she doesn’t get in her head she

doesn’t overthink she doesn’t hold herself back from what she wants she

just goes for it like it’s been in front of my face this whole time but I just

now realize this you know just I was just looking at her I was just staring

at her while she was sitting next to my computer this day that I’m talking about

all this she was just sitting next to my computer looking real cute and I just

looked at her in her little face and it all hit me at once and I was like oh my

god I fucking love her even more so of course I can’t just let it stop there I

had to take it one step further and I kind of flipped it like I see another

perspective now of people that take shit personal they are so annoying to be

around it is so draining to be around someone that takes everything fucking

personal and takes everything as an attack on them I used to be one of these

motherfuckers like I still am but I just do it to myself in my head like I don’t

I’m not annoying to other people about how often I get my feelings hurt I talk

to myself in my head like I’ve sorted out with me and if I need to involve the

other person I will I’m good at seeing other perspectives if every time a cat

went to like touch me and like wanted to be near me if I knew she was gonna make

it mean that I didn’t like her if I didn’t pet her I’d be like fuck now I

got a pet you because I don’t want to hurt your feelings like that’s when

people being needy is annoying is when they make it mean something personal

about them like it’s it’s fucking draining and I’ll be annoyed with you if

you make me feel guilty for not doing everything you say and everything you

want when you want it like if cat comes up to me and I don’t want to pet her

right now she’s not gonna be like oh my god he doesn’t love me oh my god I get

like upset like she doesn’t give a fuck she’s like okay I’ll come back later and

then she’ll come back later and I’ll pet her later and she’s happy and fine like

I know this is very simple and this can easily be taken out of context but you

get my point and you get how simple it is but the people that make shit mean

something about them like every time it’s like bro give it a fucking rest

like it doesn’t mean anything about you like cat it doesn’t mean I don’t love

you I’m busy babe you see I’m on my fucking computer I’m busy I’ll pet you

later I’ll play with you later don’t bite my fucking laptop screen I’m gonna

smack you in the head like she does that shit but she doesn’t take anything

personal so I feel comfortable being around her and you can translate that to

people too like if someone is busy like if I’m busy and someone calls me and

then I don’t answer the phone and they get all like pussy hurt about it like oh

my god he doesn’t care about me he never answers and then and it’s like bitch I’m

fucking busy but you should just tell yourself in your head okay Leo didn’t

answer my call he’s probably busy whatever and then fucking beep bop on

your way like oh he’s probably busy like self soothe yourself reassure yourself

that you’re not the problem all the time something is not always wrong and I know

that’s so hard to do because I grew up there was always something fucking wrong

so now when there’s not something wrong with me or someone’s not mad at me I

don’t know what the fuck to do but like the person calling me if I know that

every time you call me and I don’t answer the phone you’re gonna get upset

by it I’m gonna get really fucking annoyed I’m gonna feel pressure to

answer the phone every time you call because I don’t want it I don’t want to

hurt your feelings it’s like you make everything hurt your own fucking

feelings but I’m the one responsible for it I don’t like that that’s draining all

these realizations hit me at once just because I looked at fucking cat okay if

you ever want to know why I’m always alone and why I’m like if you ever catch

me like staring off in space in public something just hit me and it’s

non-fucking-stop dude but a lot of times with my realizations I’ll have like a

half realization and then I’ll have to sit down and fucking like figure the

rest out and that’s what my app is for here I am plugging my app but it I

actually use it like I use it for myself it’s a tool I created but I’d be using

the bitch my app is called positive focus it’s positive quotes and

and then there’s a whole section of journal prompts and it’s full of

basically like questions to ask yourself for shadow work or if you’re having some

realization and you need to fully figure it out and you don’t like understand it

yet the questions in my app will help you understand it better and see shit

from more perspectives like the realizations will just expand and get

deeper if you ask yourself the questions that are in my app and there’s a bunch

of different topics for different questions but I’ll link it in the

description of this podcast if you want to download it it’s called positive

focus it’s on the Google phones and the Apple phones and everybody phone

everybody can get it it’s the blue icon with the eyeball so if you just want to

search it you can but back to the phone call thing I feel like I need to like

drill this even further because the people that listen to this if you’re

like me you’re sensitive just like me and you’re the motherfucker that gets

butthurt when they don’t answer your call because that’s still me but I’m

better at now being like oh they’re probably busy does that make sense like

you can see both sides now how you being needy is not annoying you having

needs is not annoying but you making everything mean something about you and

making everything be hurtful to you is fucking annoying you assuming that

people are mad at you or don’t care about you is what’s annoying sorry I

need to hear that too that kind of hurt my feelings a little bit okay so my next

realization is a little bit deeper and applies kind of more across the board I

mean that one is very across the board if you make that fit to your fucking

life if you got the point you got it but this one is more about you assuming that

everyone is doing better than you and handling things better than you or that

they are better than you because they have a certain title or they have a

certain amount of money or they are this certain thing you automatically assume

something comes with something else so because someone has a certain amount of

money so if someone is rich or someone is a doctor they hold a certain title we

assume that certain things come with that we assume they’re gonna be a

certain way given what they have or given the title that they are does that

make sense so when you look at a doctor you wouldn’t think a doctor is out

shoving his nose full of coke on the weekends but most of them are most of

them are drugged out most like doctors are like little children emotionally

like they’re so smart with what they do but they’re emotionally stunted as fuck

when it comes to like their real life and their really their personal

relationships or like someone rich you would not expect them to be insecure I

don’t know why my brain just automatically assumes that but like

bitch you got too much money to be insecure shut the fuck up like ooh when

I’m rich you are never gonna be able to tell me a fuck thing sorry you’re not

gonna tell me shit when I’m a fucking millionaire but my point is just because

someone has something or is something like they have a certain title it does

not mean anything else it does not mean they are instantly smarter or better

than you in other ways like they might have a leg up in one area but not others

it’s like when you see these fitness people and you see these people in

really good shape the way that they take care of their body and how much

effort they put into their physical appearance you would assume that they

care about their health and that they’re taking care of their health and that

they care about their self but the reality is of most of these little

fitness influencers and people that are in really good shape they treat their

body like hell they do drew a lot of drugs they’ll do steroids duh but they’ll

eat like shit they’ll drink a lot and they will fuck anything that walks like

they have little to no standards because they’re insecure but you looking at them

and their perfect body and their cute ass face and they’re clean they’re

hygienic they have a nice car you would assume that they are a certain way

because of the way that they present but it doesn’t mean anything else just

because they work out it doesn’t mean they’re smart well one way I can prove

this is Paige Hathaway I love her I have followed her for like eight years

she is so fucking like pretty and like I love her little personality but the

bitch is a ditz like she is not that right and like if someone says this to

her fuck you you rat but to if Paige ever listens to this love you bitch like

I love the fuck out of you but you’re my perfect like example for this because

she’s so smart with what she does but she is not the smartest on anything else

like she’s just a dunce she’s like a little bit dumb and I love that about

her but you’d look at her and assume that she’s the full package when like

it’s just the way that she looks that’s making you assume that but like with the

fitness people I wouldn’t assume that they’re out like degrading their self by

sleeping with like hundreds of fucking people I personally look at that as

degrading because you need to be picky with who you allow to have access to

your physical body you can’t just let anyone touch you and fuck you that is

like that’s a conversation that this generation is not fucking ready for but

you’d expect them to hold their self to a higher standard and they don’t like

just because someone presents a certain way it doesn’t mean that they are that

thing a perfect example is someone that I know of that is a psychologist and he

literally works all day as a psychologist and he’s a fucking predator

like he’s not an actual predator but I look at him like he’s very creepy very

predator vibes every time you go out you’ll see him with some guy that’s like

20 like early 20s and he’s like in his 40s he’s got money he’s got his little

psychologist title and you would assume that he’s a certain way he’s a fucking

weirdo he’s out fucking young kids kids like young guys he’s gay obviously but

he’s like out fucking young guys and like behaving a certain way and doing

this shit that like 20 year olds are doing like why are you still running the

fucking bars in your old age like you’re in your 40s like why are you still

trying to fuck 20 year olds why are you doing that every weekend like I get

having a little phase but bitch you’ve been doing this a little bit too long

but that’s my point is like you’d assume he would behave a certain way and not do

certain things that he is doing because he’s a psychologist like does that make

sense like you just hold people to a certain standard based off of what they

look like or what they do and if you ever see them behind closed doors they

will fall short of that standard a thousand times out of ten I’m just

constantly like let down by people because you see that they are a certain

thing or they are a certain way and you’d expect like certain attributes and

character traits to come with that and it doesn’t like there’s so many people

that are like oh my god it’s so frustrating I don’t know how to explain

it like I hope I explained it enough where you guys get it in this but like

it just it doesn’t make sense to me I get let down a lot because I expect

people to be a certain way and they’re fucking not like they’re mad weird and

they don’t respect their self or they’re actually fucking dumb like a

psychiatrist like what are you fucking doing weirdo why are you taking advantage

of little fucking I want to say little kids but like 20 year olds are fucking

children in my mind if someone is in their 40s and they’re trying to fuck

with someone that’s in their 20s they got some shit wrong with them I am

someone who used to fuck with people in their 40s since I’m damn 18 so I have

plenty of experience with these people and they lack serious mental capacity

like they lack so much emotional development and like mental anything

like they have shit wrong with them and that can be an entire episode where I

unpack that but bro like these people should not be doing this fucking shit

people that are young do not have the mental armor and the mental maturity and

the knowledge yet to be able to protect their self from someone that is older so

for you to be going at someone that’s 20 when you’re fucking like 45 that is

weird that is fucking strange that you see something that can’t really protect

itself mentally they’re easily manipulated like you have so much

knowledge they don’t have that like it’s not fair so the fact that that

turns you on you have some serious fucking control dynamic issues you have

some issues with power you got a lot of shadow work to fucking do all right and

you’re a fucking predator with a victim mentality and I can read that shit right

through your face I guess it’s just my expectations like what I assume comes

with certain roles or types of achievements I don’t know like I just

expect people with a lot of money to behave a certain way and when they don’t

I’m like you or I expect certain people with certain titles to behave a certain

way and I’m like you what are you doing another example is people in

relationships I expect certain respect to be like there but like between the

couple like I know I joked about this in a tick-tock but I really wasn’t

joking when I said for someone that’s in a relationship like two guys are dating

and one of them follows me on Instagram I don’t like that shit that’s

disrespectful to their fucking partner like why are you following a boy that

you find attractive you’re in a fucking relationship what the fuck are you doing

I don’t like that like that shit stresses me out because I know if I was

dating a guy and he was out following other guys I’m beating you the fuck up

like I’m literally like I said in my tick-tock when you walk through the door

put your hands up I’m fucking swinging on you on-site bitch as soon as I see

you I’m knocking you the fuck out for that disrespectful fucking shit okay

like no I’m very big on disrespect and I’m very sensitive to it so people that

do that type shit like I have certain expectations for everyone that’s in a

relationship and when they don’t match that like it makes me uncomfortable

another example is open relationships people that an open relationships that

could never be me if it works for you I’m happy for you go do it but that’s a

dynamic I personally can never understand I’m too insecure I’m too

territorial I’m too everything under the fucking Sun that’s against that shit

that it could never work for me like cuz if I see you enjoying being with someone

sexually that’s not me and we’re supposed to be together I’m biting

something off all right whether it’s a limb or your fucking dick I’m biting

something off of you because like no no it’s gonna hurt my feelings we’re not

gonna do that okay on to my next realization and it’s about social media

you can’t really judge people off of their social media whether they have a

lot of followers or not because certain people don’t put effort into having an

online persona and like putting their self online so someone like me I’ve

taken the time and put in the effort to make videos and to create a tik-tok

account and have an Instagram like I’m putting in the effort to make a presence

for myself online but I’ve met so many people who are so fucking cool in real

life that have no social media none so just because someone doesn’t have

followers or they don’t have much posted it doesn’t mean they’re lame like they’re

probably really fucking cool but I just realized like not everybody online is

everybody online there’s so many people in real life that shit on the people

online like they like the people online are such losers compared to the people

in real life with no social media I’m not saying that’s everybody but like

I’ve said before and I will die on this hill social media makes people that are

fucking nobodies think they’re somebody but a lot of somebodies are not on

social media and we kind of forget that we forget that it’s not just the same

fruitcakes we keep seeing online and one example is like the blue-haired bitches

okay and what I mean by the blue-haired bitches are the ones that are like very

one way in their views and they’re there the they them’s and all that shit I

don’t give a fuck about pronouns call yourself what you want but don’t get mad

at me because I don’t know what the fuck you are okay like bitch you don’t even

know what the fuck you are changing your goddamn pronouns every other day that’s

a different topic but my point with the blue-haired bitches that’s just what I

call them that’s all you see online typically like you never see someone

with another opinion because they’ll be canceled if they fucking speak of

anything other than what these little blue-haired bitches have to say so when

all you see is like online shit for a while you’ll start to think everybody’s

like that and then when you go out in real life and you see that there’s

opposing opinions they’re just not spoken online you’ll realize you’re not

as alone and the things that you think and like social media just kind of has a

way of getting you convinced that that is reality when it’s not social media

and everything on your physical phone and behind the screen is not reality it

feels real because it looks similar it’s just a big mindfuck and I catch

myself a lot and I have to remind myself that’s not all that there is there’s

more out there like there’s way more information than what is online but it’s

just in real life like that’s not all that there is that’s not all the people

that are there that’s not all the potential friends you can make and

people you can date and information you can learn and jobs you can have because

if you do a job search it’s limited there’s not really it’s not gonna tell

you all of the possible jobs that actually are there it’s like their

search results and the shit you have access to online is limited I know it

seems weird because the internet is so vast and it’s so big and there’s so much

possibility but what you’re limited to seeing it’s insane like you don’t see

all that there is one online or two that there is in real life like there’s

so much more in real life than you fucking realize and I have to remember

that I have to remind myself of that constantly but like people to learn from

if you could try to go learn about finances or stocks or anything if you go

google it or go on YouTube you’re gonna run across the same like four or five

fruitcakes talking about these topics there’s just this certain handful of

every like demographic and topic you can think of and it’s the same few people

making the same fucking shit with the same stupid ass tips over and over again

you can only learn so much from these people but it’s like that’s all you’re

being shown you’re not shown the smaller creators that have a lot of useful shit

to say because there’s a lot of people in the mental health space and the

self-development space that don’t say shit compared to what I say and I know

I’m not as like professional with it and I say fuck and I give personal

experiences and I give it to you the way it is and they’re all a lot more

professional with it but the shit I say makes more of an impact in my opinion

like they’re marketed like they are they have a whole teams to make them blow up

and advertise them and make them like appeal to the right audience the

audience that I’m gonna appeal to is very small so like people are not gonna

find me I don’t have a team promoting me to be found so it’s like I’m one of the

people that if you don’t know about me you’re not gonna know what I have to say

you’re just gonna think that there’s only people like fucking Jay Shetty and

they’re stupid ass shit that they post oh my god can you hear cat hi honey you

want attention I know here I’ll put you see she wanted attention she came and

found me she’s the fucking star of the show with this one but yeah the

information you can find online is kind of limited because I know that there’s

the whole algorithm shit and then there’s like filters on search results

and everything you do and say and watch is being tracked you just don’t know but

you’re only being shown certain things that are the most profitable for the

companies that provide what you’re looking at so you’re not seeing the

truth of what’s actually there the only way you can see the truth of like what

you need to know and what can actually help you is in real life and I’m not

saying everything because there is a lot of useful information and good resources

online but you need to get out in real life you need to like you need to remind

yourself that that is a resource real life is a resource for everything you

need want and could desire people have been doing it without social media for

fucking centuries and we’re over here the first generation with social media

and we are beyond fucked up like it helps in a lot of ways but this is just

my little reminder that there’s so much more to life than you see on your phone

okay so my final realization for this episode so I’m the type person that I

like to plan for things I like to prepare I don’t like to be caught off

guard I don’t like for plans to change I like when something is set it’s gonna go

this way like so if we agree on something it’s gonna go this way and if

it doesn’t go the way that I planned for I get fucking pissed like I get

actively physically fucking mad but I just recently had something happen where

I agreed to do something with people and it got changed like the plans got

changed and I got extremely fucking mad and I was by myself so I like sat down

with myself and I tried to figure it out like I was trying to understand why is

this so hurtful like why is something not going the way that I planned for it

to go so fucking hurtful and I realized there’s a lot of things that I made the

situation mean and I definitely want to do a full podcast on the meanings you

assign to things but I revealed that what I was telling myself in my brain

subconsciously was I’m stupid for even trying to plan or hope for it to go good

or go right like I was telling myself I was fucking dumb and then I was telling

myself the effort that I put in to prepare was worthless it was pointless

and then that everything just went wrong so something went wrong so those are the

main things that I was telling myself so that I’m stupid for even hoping it could

go right the work I did to prepare was worthless and pointless and I’m a

fucking idiot for even doing it and that the situation not going the way I

planned for it meant that things were going wrong and something was working

against me basically so then I got the chance to look at each of those things

and I’m like okay let’s back the fuck up like I have to like check myself all the

time so when I decided I wanted to do something I wanted to plan for it

planning is smart planning is not stupid having something that you want to do and

then doing things and thinking of things to help make sure this process goes as

smooth as possible is very smart so that immediately invalidated that belief I had

so I let that one fucking go because it doesn’t mean that I’m stupid because the

plan didn’t go how I wanted it to I was actually being smart it just didn’t go

that way that doesn’t mean anything about me and this kind of goes back to

the cat thing making shit mean something about you so making it mean that my

planning was worthless is the second one how I went through that one and kind of

like deconstructed that was I’m someone that cannot do something without

planning a little bit or thinking ahead a tiny bit so if I agree I’m gonna go to

a concert or go on a trip I plan for it that helps alleviate my anxiety it makes

me feel like I have a little bit of a sense of control I know what to expect

some sort because I don’t like the unknown so planning for me helps me feel

safe secure and like comfortable to go forward with it because if I didn’t plan

I would just be sitting there an anxious fucking wreck hoping shit just like went

right but planning helps me alleviate that anxiety so my effort to plan was

not worthless because it made me feel better like the effort that I put in to

plan for this thing I can still use a lot of what I planned for but I’m saying

even if there’s a situation where I plan for something and then everything I did

literally is useless and I can’t use it it’s still not useless because it helped

me feel better in that moment it made me feel better to plan for this thing

versus just sitting there and doing nothing so it wasn’t worthless and then

my last thought about the experience not going the way I wanted it to and the

way that I planned for it to meant that something went wrong or that something

is working against me so holding that belief is gonna hurt the fuck out of me

like I see where my frustration came from with all this I see it and then

reworking all these beliefs is what made me feel better so with assuming that it

meant something was going wrong I had to get very objective I’m like okay so what

just happened on a black-and-white straight-up strategic like analytical

standpoint what just happened I plan for something to go this way and it didn’t

does that right there in that moment mean something went wrong no something

changed so I had to go catch my assumption that I threw on top of that

which was a change I made it mean that something went wrong just because it

didn’t go my way and the way that I thought it would go and the way that I

hoped it would go it does not mean something went wrong and then I was

looking at it like okay so if something went wrong that means something is

working against me like God for fucking bit I try to do something to make myself

happy or to have a good experience like God for fucking bid right so I went down

that whole rabbit hole of emotion so I ended up at a crossroad and I faced the

decision I can look at this from the standpoint of something is working

against me or seeing how this could be happening for me and in that moment I

got to choose I have nothing to go off of with how to see if something’s

happening for me like I have no way to I can’t just sit here and tell myself this

no it’s happening for me but I can open myself up to seeing how it is happening

for me because I’m the type person I’m very like real I’m not what’s a person

to just say some bullshit affirmation y’all know that I’m not just gonna be

like oh no something’s not working against me it’s happening for me it’s

like no how is it happening for me I’m opening my eyes up and I’m opening

myself up to seeing the ways that this just changed for my benefit I lined up

with this realization because this happened the way that it did so that’s

one thing but by going into this I realized I faced the choice of I’m at

the crossroad and now I’m gonna go down the road of seeing how it happened for

me because I already just went down the road of how it happened against me and

that didn’t feel good I didn’t fucking like that so now I’m trying out the

other route and it completely alters my perspective of this experience because

I’m still gonna go but I no longer I’m holding the belief of something’s

working against me so neck if there is another hiccup or another inconvenience

or something else changes with this experience I’m not gonna immediately be

triggered and pissed off and get angry thinking something is working against me

I’m walking down the road of seeing how this is happening for me and I kind of

translated into my whole life but I’m just gonna keep it there with this

situation but you get my point all right are you tired yet because I

feel like that’s a lot of realizations to throw at you if you like this podcast

make sure to leave it a 5-star rating whether you’re on Apple podcast or

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for coming to Sunday service I will talk to you next week