Aware & Aggravated - 14. Why Nice People Finish Last

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hi friends this long-awaited episode is finally here why nice guys be finishing

last but I really want to put emphasis on the friends when I say hi friends

because I want you to know that we’re friends and I’m only gonna tell you

everything in this episode because you need to fucking hear it okay but we’re

friends we’re besties bestie for the resty but I am gonna hurt your feelings

if you are someone that thinks they’re a nice person and you’re just like

frustrated with why nobody likes you babe I’m about to bring you face to face

with what you need to hear please don’t think I’m attacking you I love you so

the whole nice guys finish last thing this can be for girls too so this is for

anybody that considers their self air quote a nice person that isn’t picked

and why like nobody wants you basically the phrase is just why nice guys finish

last but it could be guy or girl or they or them okay whatever you like

make it work there’s a lot to unpack with this but I’m just gonna start at

the first thing that comes to my mind which is respect if someone does not

respect you they will not want to fuck you they will not want to be with you

they will not want to date you they will not want to talk to you get that like

really get that and take that in for a second because that’s something a lot of

people don’t really talk about nowadays is respect anymore and I’m not saying

like oh you need to show me respect it’s like no you need to be respectable so no

one is gonna watch you if you’re not respectable so let’s unpack that real

quick because a lot of people are running around nowadays like toddlers and

want people to like them like people don’t not like you because you’re nice

it’s because of other things I should have started with that I should have

started the whole fucking episode with that people don’t not like you is that

the right thing people don’t not yeah that’s right people don’t not like you

because you’re nice so throw that out the fucking window you got other shit

wrong with you really you just got other shit going on there’s other qualities

they don’t like it’s not the fact that you’re nice I’m gonna use myself as an

example so when I look for a partner I don’t I’m gonna be single for the rest

of my life I hate all people but if I was gonna look for someone I want

someone that has their own thoughts their own opinions their own life their

own personality their own shit to do I don’t want someone that is just gonna

completely mold to me and agree with everything that I say and want to do all

the shit that I do and be waiting around all day for me to hang out with

them and me to talk to them like you need to be busy doing your own shit so

let’s unpack the respect thing really fast a big thing that the nice guys do

is they allow people to disrespect them and I’m talking in little tiny ways like

when someone says something you don’t like and you just let it go they just

big dick to you so it’s like if I’m straight and I like a girl and I’m

trying to like pursue her if she says something that I don’t like or she

talks about fucking another dude or liking another dude or another dude

being cute in front of me and I just pretend I didn’t hear it or I pretend it

doesn’t bother me she just big dick to me she just took the upper hand for me

someone like me is gonna say I don’t want to hear about nobody being cute but

me okay like you got to call people out on their fucking shit like if someone is

interested in you and you’re interested in them and they talk about somebody

else that ain’t gonna fly you need to draw that line very quickly but that’s

gonna make the other person respect you when you make people fucking behave

they’re gonna respect you they’re gonna like that people are gonna test you

people are gonna push you people are gonna see what they can get away with

and what kind of person you are they need to see if you’re someone that they

can walk all over or not and a lot of people will test you subconsciously so

if a girl talks about another boy being cute excuse me motherfucker

oh you’re talking about me yeah that’s what I thought like check them don’t let

no shit slide and as soon as you start letting shit slide boom you’re

unfuckable you’re not respectable like that’s fucking gross that’s a turnoff

that will dry a girl’s pussy up sorry that’s the truth so kind of like how I

just threw that into the conversation like you set the boundary but you do it

in a funny way like you’re not supposed to be a fucking asshole every time and

like prove your point and set your boundaries and draw these lines in a

mean way you need to do it and like I’ve read like a like a respectable way where

it’s like my point got across but I’m not ruining the entire situation like if

you’re out somewhere having fun you got to draw a line without ruining the mood

of the night like you can do it funny how I just gave the example like who the

fuck you talking about being cute besides me you know what I mean like

make it a joke but make it very clear that you don’t want to hear about that

shit anything that can be taken like disrespectfully to you don’t let it fly

don’t let it slide that is rule number fucking one for a nice guy is speak the

fuck up don’t let nobody walk all over you because like I said you’re instantly

unfuckable you’re gonna be a pity fuck you’re gonna be someone that I call late

at night when I’m drunk and I’m like oh I know they’re easy they’re there they’re

accessible I’ll call them and fuck them you’re a pity fuck you’re like a last

option you’re something like and you’re there like I guess I’ll throw you a bone

like I have no other option you know that’s what you’re gonna turn into if

you let someone walk all over you you don’t want to be that if you listen to

this podcast you are not gonna fucking be that you’re not gonna be one of my

followers and one of my listeners and one of my friends because whoever

listens to this podcast is my fucking friend like I start every episode hi

friends you’re not gonna be my friend and be behaving like this okay so take

your fucking notes from this podcast so the second part kind of to when I said

speak up like if you’re a nice guy you need to speak up you need to let people

know you have your own thoughts and opinions if you’re interested in someone

like you’re supposed to bring forth your personality it takes two people to be in

a relationship it takes two people to like push and pull and lead and follow

like you need to be able to flow with that easily it’s not just all about them

they’re not the only one with thoughts and shit to do and opinions and plans

and decisions to make like you make decisions too you have a personality too

you have a life too you have opinions too and people need that people want

that people don’t want someone that’s just like a fucking lump on a log that

has nothing to say so the speak up part is speak up literally like if you like

something express that you like it if you have hobbies talk about them if you

have shit to do talk about it if you want to do certain things then make

those decisions and invite the person you’re interested in like incorporate

that person into your life make them feel like you already have a life and

you want them to be a part of it not that you need them to be a part of it

not that you’re sitting around waiting for them to make you a part of their

life that’ll turn a motherfucker off in two seconds and don’t just agree with

what someone says like don’t always just agree and be a yes man like be open and

be honest when I talked about expressing the way you feel in the

podcast episode expressing how you feel you need to do that but also with other

shit so like you need to express the positive and the good things and also

the bad things because it makes someone feel safe with you if someone only ever

hears positive shit coming out of your mouth because you’re air quote the nice

guy if you’re always just trying to be nice and not hurt their feelings they’re

not gonna trust you they’re not gonna feel safe around you and whenever you do

say something positive they’re gonna believe it because if someone just tells

you you’re pretty you’re pretty you’re pretty you’re pretty you’re gonna stop

believing them when they say it their words are gonna hold no weight but if

you walk out for like if you see them four days in a row and they’re like okay

you look pretty you look pretty I don’t like this outfit and then the next day

you look pretty they’ll learn to trust what you’re saying because they know

you’ll be honest because I don’t trust the motherfucker that’s just a yes man I

don’t want you to spare my feelings I want you to be considerate of my feelings

but I want you to tell me what I need to hear if I look like shit tell me you

don’t like that outfit tell me I can do better tell me something constructive

not critical so that I trust when you give me praise when you tell me I look

good I’ll believe it and kind of bouncing back really quick to the

disrespect thing I didn’t talk about this but if someone is like testing you

and they say something that they know like they wouldn’t be cool with like if

they talk about someone else being cute and they know that you like them if you

just let that slide in the back of their mind they’re gonna make a note of that

because they’re gonna be like okay I just said this and they just let it go

like I know it was hurtful I know that would have hurt their feelings and like

you just hiding it immediately makes you untrustworthy because the person

that said it is like this should have hurt their feelings and they’re acting

like it didn’t so either it didn’t hurt their feelings so they don’t like me or

it hurt their feelings but they’re hiding it and hiding your feelings makes

people not trust you it’s like you take your arm out and you want to like push

them away because they’re an unknown now they’re a mystery they’re scary they’re

like a ticking time bomb because you just did something to hurt them and

they’re not letting you know and it’s like oh fuck you’re like anticipating

their response and when they don’t have one you’re like oh fuck and they just

saw that you just swallowed the way that you felt even though like you would have

gotten out about something but you just pretended you didn’t get mad so

typically with those people they’ll let things bother them and it will build up

until they explode so like the nice guys are usually only air quote nice guys

until you piss them off or until you step on them one too many times because

they hide the way that they feel they pretend like they’re not bothered by it

but if you say it four or five times like mentioning another guy on the fifth

time they’re gonna pop and cuss you the fuck out but like I said in the other

episode you have to express the way that you feel or you’re a fucking asshole

when you explode but the nice guys do that so straight girls already have this

idea of like this guy’s only being nice to me because he thinks he has a chance

to fuck me but as soon as I turn him down he’s gonna call me a whore or he’s

gonna call me ugly like they’re anticipating a negative response already

so they’re already standoffish but I’m talking about that dynamic and most of

the times if someone assumes you just want to fuck them they’re gonna be

hesitant to even engage with you because they know what your motive is and they

know how people are like blowing smoke up your ass nice to you one minute and

then as soon as you reject them they attack you because they can’t have you

like it’s just so much going on in the brain and I told you guys there’s a lot

to unpack with this but I’m trying to make it make sense but when you just let

something go that it’s obvious that should have hurt your feelings if it did

hurt your feelings and you don’t speak about it you’re immediately like pushed

away because they don’t trust you now like why the fuck did you not speak up

what are you planning what are you doing why are you bottling it up what’s about

to happen you know and then someone will probably subconsciously like keep

testing you to see if you will pop they want to see like when are you gonna

speak up what is your breaking point where you can only hold in so much

because people that hold shit in I don’t like to be around them I want you to be

honest with me and tell me what’s going on because I don’t want to have to deal

with walking in the door one day and all of a sudden you just pop and freak the

fuck out because something set you off because you’ve been holding in certain

things I’ve done and said for the past few months you know like the anticipation

of a negative reaction will make someone want to push you away so if they think

they’re gonna get that they’re gonna push you away and that’s what allowing

someone to disrespect you will do it will make the other person scared okay

so the next layer of this that kind of stacks is you need someone that cares

about how they feel and typically nice guys don’t care about the way that they

feel they care about everybody else’s feelings and they want to make sure

everybody else is happy they want to make sure they don’t hurt anybody like

nice guys I see you I see your intentions are good I was a nice guy one

time I had to learn all this in sixth grade this girl fucking like broke my

heart and I’ve been yelling fuck these bitches ever since and then I gained

some self-awareness and now here I am but I get it I you have like pure

intentions you just want them to like you you probably had a childhood where

you were taught to disregard the way you felt so that your parents loved you and

accepted you and you had to prioritize the way that they felt over you I get it

but I’m telling you now the reason this is off-putting so when you have a

partner or someone you’re interested in you need to care about the way that you

feel because if you don’t care how you feel then you’re gonna make me

responsible for it and that puts me in a position to have to like care take you

like a fucking baby I also need you to care about what you have going on I need

you to care about your hobbies and your life and the shit that you like and what

you have like your own life is important and I want you to care about that I want

you to prioritize your goals your boundaries your feelings I need you to

care about yourself in order for me to feel safe to care about you if you’re

willing to just throw away everything of yours to make sure that I’m happy

you’re gonna resent me for it you’re gonna make me responsible for the way

that you feel and I’m gonna have to like consider you way too much if you’re not

considering yourself like you can’t just throw all that on to me if you’re gonna

date me so let me give you a couple examples let’s say you have this thing

that you’re working on and you’re supposed to go work on it at a certain

time and me and you want to hang out with me and like I message you or

whatever the fuck like we’re supposed to hang out but you have something that you

want to do if you just throw it away and then come hang out with me that’s not

hot I need someone to prioritize what they want so I would rather someone say

look I really want to see you but I want to get this done or I already

committed to plans or I have this thing to do like I need to be working on this

but I really want to see you let’s reschedule I want you to reject me and

not always be available that’s a whole other topic but it’s a good example I

want you to not always be available I want you to reject me while also

reassuring me that you like me because if you’re just like no I have to go do

this I’m gonna think you don’t like me but if you say it how I said it like

look I want to see you but I have this thing I need to go do or this thing I

want to I’m really excited to work about on this thing can we hang out another

day well something like that reassure me you motherfucking like me all right you

always need to reassure me you like me okay Leo it’s not about you like I want

you to fucking wake up reassure me every breath you take reassure me I mother

but Leo I like you I like you I like you I still like you I still like you I

still care about you like I need it non-stop but we ain’t gonna talk about

me we that’s I’m a special case like don’t even try to unlock my file bitch

like you cannot I’m unworkable like I said in the beginning of this I will be

single for the rest of my life I’m undateable like I have too much it

makes me sad it really does like I’m not gonna open up no we’re not gonna do that

we’re not gonna get vulnerable Leo’s not gonna date ever again okay he’s too

fucked up in his own little way and no back to you if you have something that

you really want to work on but you’re like the nice guy and you’re like you

have an internal conflict of like I really want to go work on this thing but

I really want to go see this person they’re finally giving me a chance to go

see them you need to prioritize yourself it’s gonna be so hot to the other person

I promise I promise but if this person knows that you really want to work on

this thing and they know that you skipped doing that to go hang out with

them they’re gonna be like oh fuck you know because they want to feel

comfortable like you’re gonna prioritize your own happiness and what you want to

do because they don’t want to have to do it so it’s like if I invite you hey

let’s hang out and you have the thing that I know you want to work on if I

know you actually want to work on it you’ll tell me look Leo I want to hang

out but I really just want to work on this but if you don’t do that you’re

like oh I’ll work on it later and I’ll just come see you like if you’re gonna

come see me I’ll like it the first time and then after it happens a couple times

I’ll be like wait like you’re neglecting doing the thing that you want to do to

come see me I’m instantly gonna like push you away like the push away thing

I’m gonna stick my fucking arm out I don’t like that I need some I need to

know that you’re prioritizing yourself your happiness and what you want to do

because that puts me in the position of like okay I know you want to go work on

this thing I asked you to come hang out with me but now I have to be hyper

considerate and be like no I’m not gonna invite you or I’m gonna tell you to go

do that thing and I’m just gonna stop inviting you to shit to hang out with me

because I don’t want you to sacrifice what you’re doing to come see me you

know I want to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself so I don’t have

to take care of you does that make sense I really really hope this is clicking

because it makes sense in my brain a lot of things do but when I speak them

they just don’t fucking work but the same thing with feelings it goes the

exact same way if I keep doing something that bothers you I want you to fucking

tell me I want you to nicely acknowledge it bring it up not everything has to be

a fight you can have altercation confrontation you can have conflict and

not have it be aggressive and mean and attacking each other you can have a

fucking conversation it takes a certain person to be able to do that it takes a

certain level of maturity to do that but it’s possible the way you feel is not

annoying the way you feel is not gonna cause a fight I promise like with the

right people and people that are understanding and people that get it the

way you feel will never be a fight and that is not gonna make you on attractive

it’s not gonna make someone not want you you having feelings or being upset by

something is not gonna make someone not want to be with you or like you anymore

it’s not unattractive when you find the right fucking person but I cannot

emphasize enough how important it is for you to prioritize and care about your

own feelings care about the way that you motherfucking feel and make people

around you feel comfortable that if you are uncomfortable you’re gonna speak up

and you’re gonna do something to change it because I’m gonna feel like an

asshole if you’re uncomfortable and I don’t know and then I find out you’re

uncomfortable and I’m like oh my god like I would have done so many things

different like I said in the expressing your feelings episode you need to

express the way you fucking feel to give me the chance to accommodate you but I

also need to be able to trust you that you’re not just gonna suffer for me I

don’t want you to be uncomfortable and just suck that up just to be around me

or be near me or be with me I want you to speak up because I don’t want you to

suffer and I don’t want you to suffer for me because I’m gonna feel guilt no

matter what you do like if I find out that you were just suffering for me I’m

gonna fucking feel bad that’s how I am and that’s how a lot of people are

receiving you if you’re a nice guy that is doing this shit I don’t want you to

be upset I don’t want you to be uncomfortable I need to trust that you

don’t want yourself to be uncomfortable either that you will speak up and that

you care about how you feel and that you’ll make a situation better for

yourself with me you know what I mean like we can work through this we can

work on it but I need to trust that you can own yourself that you can take care

of yourself because if you can’t do that how the fuck are you gonna be able to

take me into consideration you’re not even taking yourself into consideration

that’s a huge red flag but people don’t know how to break that down in their

brain how I just put it into words people just feel all these things and

don’t understand why they’re pushing you away but they are and that’s it that’s

fucking it so someone might not be able to communicate to you why they don’t

like you you just make them feel all these things and pressure oh my god like

it’s the way it’s the nastiest sucking feeling it and I’m like if you could see

my body right now I look like a fucking flamingo like one leg is up my hands are

perched out like chicken hands like I’m like you like get back up uh-uh

Mitch I was really just standing like a fucking flamingo one foot so you being

able to care take yourself in this way and prioritize your feelings your

happiness and trusting that you will take care of yourself and like not make

yourself suffer for me that’s huge because imagine you don’t do that the

pressure it’s gonna put on me to have to take care of you like I said like a

toddler I’m gonna feel like I now have to consider myself my own life and then

take care of you that’s why so many women wear the pants in relationships

with men because men don’t know how to fucking do this like if a girl wanted me

all she would want is for me to be so strong in my sense of self and

prioritize myself so much so that she could choose to do it if she wanted to

she could choose to add on to it she could choose to do things to help me and

make me feel better but she doesn’t feel like she has to it’s not like she has to

look out for me and her like she wants someone that will like own their self

and stand next to her that’s it and that’s really for anyone in a

relationship that’s gonna be a healthy relationship I’m talking for healthy

shit if you don’t do any of this that’s talk not toxic but you’re slippery slope

bitch slippery slope and the people that don’t want this it’s not a healthy

relationship in my opinion I’m not a fucking psychologist but I goddamn

should be I just don’t want to go to school I just have to throw in in my

opinion on something so everybody gets off my dick and doesn’t try to attack me

cuz y’all motherfuckers are so opinionated just like me but y’all be

wrong oh fuck okay someone messaged me about my laughs in my podcast and y’all

I pissed myself laughing all the time and I edit it out like I edit out my

laughing because I’m like no one wants to hear that like shut up and just get

to the point but this girl was like oh my god I love it when you laugh and she

said please don’t edit out your laughs so like I’ve been leaving them in this

episode girl I fucking die I piss myself recording this podcast it is so much fun

for me but tell me if you think I should leave the laughs in or cut them out

cuz they make me nervous so another little point I have to go along with the

whole have your own life thing and prioritize yourself and your own feelings

and shit what’s attractive to me is seeing someone with their own life and

their own shit like I like somebody that’s busy but for them to add me into

it to prioritize seeing me and hanging out with me because that reassures me

that they care yes they’re busy yes they’re gonna make sure that they get

what they want but they are gonna find a way to add me into that and add me into

their life that is so fucking hot that will have a girl’s pussy fucking soaked

and that has my dick hard when someone does that oh my god it will make someone

insecure like it makes me insecure cuz I need the constant I’m not the type to

have a healthy relationship but I’m the type to teach about it coaches don’t

play bitch alright I could teach you everything you need to know about having

a healthy relationship but am I ever gonna be in one no I don’t operate like

but someone to add like to add me into their life that’s so fucking hot but I

would need constant reassurance but like I said it ain’t about me this applies to

everybody like you will become an object of desire if you have your own shit

going on like if someone can walk up to you and walk away from you and you’re

gonna be the same regardless and still have your own shit going on that is so

fucking hot when you’re not needed when you are wanted that is so safe for

people and there’s this thing called enmeshment trauma and I really want you

to look it up if you consider yourself a nice guy it’s gonna teach you a lot

about the way that you are and there’s gonna be some things that you can

probably look up to like work through it and some of those tendencies and you’ll

learn some behaviors you adopted as a kid to keep yourself safe that are now

biting you in the fucking ass that I have mentioned in this podcast so like I

said being prioritized and being wanted makes someone feel safe if someone feels

needed it’s gonna make them anxious as fuck like literally if I think that you

can’t function without me and that your life is gonna like deteriorate if I’m

not in it and I’m not like tending to you and I’m not with you I don’t like

that I don’t fucking like that at all so that’s another reason I’ll push a

fucking nice guy away get the fuck from me I don’t want no fucking text if I

want to leave you up I’m gonna do myself shut the fuck up do not I need to calm

down because this is a very sensitive topic but do not ever fucking send

nobody that text friend if you’re listening to this podcast you’re my

friend and friends don’t let friends look stupid don’t you ever fucking text

somebody if you leave me I’m gonna kill myself let them fucking leave you’re not

fucking going nowhere call me bitch you ain’t killing yourself over

no fucking body and you are not dropping your ego like that to tell

somebody if you fucking leave me or you break up with me I’m gonna kill myself

no that is you like getting on your fucking knees and like taking away any

any sense of self any ego you have like I’m a tight friend that will snatch you

the fuck up and make you stand up like you’re not gonna do that you’re gonna

have dignity you’re gonna walk the motherfuck away and you’re gonna be just

fine whoo that makes me so fucking bad I understand that feeling personally you

have me to relate to but in your fucking moment of high emotional

feelings of whatever it is do not ever fucking do that ever don’t ever send

nobody a video you crying either I called that out on the red flags but

don’t you dare don’t you have some ego have some fucking dignity all right

don’t you ever fucking belittle yourself like that to make someone like no no

there’s other ways to manipulate and I will teach you them there’s other ways

to hurt people I will teach you them oh I just had some water I had a fucking

breather I need to go have a cigarette because that one just made me mad okay

but my point with the whole feel wanted and prioritized not needed that’s a

pressure that people will avoid like hell and people with enmeshment trauma

so I talked about that that’s gonna be the nice guys but nice guys that’s also

gonna push you away like nice guys you’re chasing people that don’t want

you because that feels safe there’s someone that doesn’t need you but if it

flipped and they all of a sudden needed you you would run the fuck away you

would think it was fun in the moment you’d be like oh my god I finally got

what I wanted yay and then you would run like hell because you’ve already had the

enmeshment trauma it’s gonna trigger your fucking shit that you didn’t deal

with and girl I’m telling you you’re gonna freak out you’re gonna freak the

fuck out like it’s all fun and games when you’re chasing them but as soon as

they start chasing you you’re over it you’re done because they’re about to

lose their self in you and that’s what enmeshment trauma is it’s like you lose

yourself in the other person and no that’s a little piece of awareness for

you guys to learn about yourself the nice guys is you think you want it but

you’re just as repelled by it as you’re enticed by it it’s a hard thing to

explain so please look it up like please just look it up and it will all make

more sense because someone with enmeshment trauma does not want to be

needed I’m someone that I do not want someone that needs me I do not want

someone that can’t function without me I don’t want to be responsible for the way

that someone feels and making sure that they’re doing what they like I don’t

want you sacrificing shit for me the sacrifice is not love sacrifice is not

showing that you care prioritizing the way that you motherfucking feel is how

you show somebody you care because you’re providing a sense of safety to

them safety to be with you safety to be around you and safety to love you it

sounds so backwards I know we’re all taught so backwards from that but the

most loving thing you can do for others is love yourself and I’ll do a whole

podcast on self-love cuz y’all are not ready for that oh my god like though the

internet might burn down I’m dead ass like the shit that I have to fucking say

about self-love y’all are not gonna know what to do maybe I write a book bitch

please hey right no goddamn book this podcast is my book I’m too like vocal to

be writing a damn book I’d much rather talk it out and fucking giggle and

chuckle with you guys I say you guys like you’re here bitch I feel like I’m

hanging out with my friend every time I record this podcast I feel like we’re

just like hanging out oh I do want to go back and touch on the whole being

available thing if you just have your own shit going on you’re gonna be less

available like you’re they’re gonna feel prioritized so anytime that someone wants

to hang out with you that you’re interested in let them know that you’re

not just sitting around waiting for them like make some shit up bitch even

if you have to make it up just make it up don’t make it seem like you’re just

sitting on your ass waiting for them to text you or ask you to hang out like no

don’t do that okay so moral of a story is people do not like assholes people

are not attracted to assholes like I said in the beginning people don’t not

like you cuz you’re nice people don’t like assholes but I’d rather have

someone that’s an asshole than someone that is an air quote nice guy because I

feel safer with an asshole because the asshole is gonna speak the fuck up like

yeah they might be a little bit mean yeah they might be dismissive but I

don’t have to deal with the guilt of them not being taken care of because an

asshole is gonna make sure that they’re good so I’d rather be getting cussed the

fuck out and all I have to worry about is myself then deal with trying to baby

somebody and make sure that they’re taken care of and myself you know what I

mean there’s so much more to that but no one likes anyone passive that’s

another thing don’t be fucking passive don’t do not be walked over like don’t

oh my god I don’t I even know how to explain it like if you get it you get it

if you fucking get it you get it if you don’t get it good luck

oh another good point I just thought of the spotlight does not always need to be

on them it’s not always about them it’s not all about them and making them happy

and making them a center of attention like people do not like to be the center

of attention for too long you need it passed back and forth if you leave

sunlight on something too long it will burn it you need to have periods where

it comes off so the spotlight basically needs to like rotate back and forth

between you two it needs to be about me that needs to be about you it doesn’t

need to just always be about you that gets boring that gets fucking boring and

people don’t like that pressure like if it’s always if the ball is always in my

court god damn I’m annoyed uh I don’t want to fucking be having to start every

single game bitch like you do something push and pull give and get like you do

some pick up some slack ho don’t always be looking at me to entertain you and to

carry the conversations and to decide where we’re gonna go eat and decide what

we’re gonna do and decide when we’re gonna hang out like motherfucker take

some control take some goddamn initiative take some goddamn control

okay get the spotlight off me it’s burning me but people don’t enjoy that

people don’t enjoy constant attention trust me they might seem like they do

but nobody enjoys it constantly even celebrities that have the fucking

spotlight on them all the time it gets exhausting they’re tired of it they’re

sick of it nobody wants that pressure because having the attention be on you

is pressure another pointer is do not act like they are blessing you every

time they want to see you talk to you or hang out with you like you’re sitting

around waiting for their texts no I’m someone’s worthy of texting to you think

I’m gonna be sitting around waiting for someone to text me yeah if I like you

but you’re also getting the chance to talk to a really cool motherfucker too

so if I’m texting you you’re excited about texting me and that’s something I

forget a lot or I used to and I’ve had to kind of grow into that is to realize

this person is getting a chance to be with someone cool too it’s not just

about them they’re not the only one with value to contribute and like shit to

offer I am too you have to see what they’re getting out of you also and

realize and reassure yourself that it’s fucking good like if they like you yeah

why would they not don’t be cocky but acknowledge and see where you add value

and what value you do have honestly I don’t even need to say it don’t be

cocky because nice guys are not cocky they’re the most insecure bunch so for

me to try and kick it up and like tell you to tell yourself why would they not

like me that’s gonna blow your head up just to the right amount okay so you

need that like why would they not want to text me why would they not want to

hang out with me don’t act shocked oh my god like oh my god they wanna hang out

no bitch yeah yay cool let’s hang out I’m excited to see you but don’t act

like they’re like blessing you and they’re a God’s little gift to earth

like and if you are gonna act like that do in your own fucking head okay don’t

let them know that don’t let them know that you’re like oh my god like you’re

what is it called like a pigeon like you’re a pigeon like waiting for them to

throw you some breadcrumbs like oh my god no you’re not gonna behave like that

you’re not gonna be like that do not set up that dynamic because once you feed a

pigeon the pigeon can never flip around and be the one feeding me like once a

pigeon always a pigeon like you’re the one being fed you want to be the one

that feeds okay that’s how this goes but like once you’re in the role of the

pigeon you can’t flip it so like once they get the upper hand you’re fucked so

don’t be a pigeon I don’t know where this analogy just came from but it works

oh when you’re texting them don’t always just let them leave you on read like

don’t feel like you need to keep shit going leave them on read I don’t have my

seats on that’s petty but like don’t be the one to always be like the last word

let them sometimes be the last one to talk or the last one to say some shit

you don’t need to always like every time like don’t be the fucking pigeon like

every time you’re there they might throw you a like a piece of bread you’re like

you’re like standing there ready to get it like no don’t fucking get up and get

ready to get it like don’t don’t fucking do that if you don’t want to get the

breadcrumb like just fucking look at them but okay like if you throw it man

I’ll see if I feel like getting it don’t always be the one like responding to

their shit like you’re so excited to talk to them and I get it and listen to

episode 2 of this fucking podcast okay but when you’re the one that’s like oh

my god I’m so glad that they text me I want to keep talking you have to know

when to cut the conversation because if you just keep going for nonsense like

bullshit they’re gonna like they might just be responding to be nice but like

don’t let them pity text you like if the conversation is not holding anything of

substance let it die don’t respond you know if you have something fucking

important to say later text them again but if something is just like stupid and

meaningless if you’re not really interested in it let it die I know that

you’re like idolizing them and you’re excited about them and you like them but

picture having this conversation with your best friend if it’s some

meaningless bullshit and you wouldn’t respond to your best friend don’t

respond to this person you’re interested in like if it’s just stupid fucking shit

stop responding like make them know like come to me with something good to say or

like no you know like I enjoy talking to you like alright I’m busy I’m gonna get

back to yadda yadda like talk to you later like cut the shit cut it off or

just don’t respond like cut the conversation if it’s pointless bullshit

you know like don’t waste my fucking time come to me with some substance or

get lost one of the biggest power plays you can do from going from a simp to a

goddamn pimp I don’t know what to call it but like to flip out of the simp

position okay so if someone has you like kind of in their back pocket and you’ve

been like very attentive and you’ve been like there to like talk every time

they’ve wanted to and you’ve kind of been like the pigeon waiting for the

food one way that you can flip it is to yank their safety blanket out from under

them start being inconsistent so if they’re always able to text you and you

always respond stop responding stop being so consistent all the time like

start having other shit to do stop watching their stories stop being up

their fucking ass like if you’ve consistently given someone attention and

you’ve given it given it given it nothing is gonna change if you keep

giving them more if you give someone more of what they already don’t

appreciate it’s not gonna make them appreciate it so stop if you’ve been up

their ass giving them so much attention and then they’re used to that they have

a safety blanket kind of so snatch it from them start being inconsistent stop

being at their beck and call take away their safety blanket because as soon as

they realize oh shit like this person is not simping for me anymore they’re gonna

start doing things to try and get your attention again because they didn’t

realize that they liked getting your attention until it got taken from them

so or it was like less often and less consistent like they’re gonna want that

consistency back but that kind of goes into the intermittent reinforcement

addiction pattern that I warned you guys about in episode 2 so if you’re gonna do

that be fucking careful because you can get someone addicted to you and they

will be fiending for your attention and if you don’t give it to them they will

key your car and show up at your fucking house so like I said be careful but

that’s the best like power play you can do but don’t make it look intentional

don’t make it look like it’s petty like stop swiping up on their stories stop

eating their fucking ass stop always complimenting them like stop if you’ve

been in the simp position this is how to get out of it this is your only chance

to get out of it is to completely like withdraw all the attention you were

giving them that was unprovoked like if they text you okay text back but like I

said if the conversation is boring pull it kill it let it die but stop doing all

the unprovoked shit stop swiping up on their stories stop telling them they’re

pretty stop commenting on their shit stop liking their shit you get what I

mean okay so pull back anything that’s like

unprovoked or like not them reaching out first and if they do start reaching out

there’s your shoe in there’s your fucking signal that they just realized

oh my god this person stopped responding or like whatever they probably looked

you up and they wondered what you were up to look busy bitch start posting

shit start doing other shit like look busy and then when they text you that’s

your reminder and that’s like your acknowledgement that yo they like they’re

looking for me now because you took the attention away so if they don’t ever

message you girl just go ahead and move on okay but if they do message you that

is them like showing they’re looking for you they like the attention and they’re

wondering where it went so be very careful when you start giving it to them

again be like standoffish act unimpressed like this is really really

bad fucking advice because this is not gonna lead to anything healthy this is

like some toxic petty play a game shit I’m really good at this like I’m really

really good at playing games that’s why I don’t like to play them it’s like a

chess master gets bored of chess okay like girl I know so much about

psychology and the human brain and how to toy with people I’m bored like I

don’t like to do it and then like I get my own feelings caught up in it and girl

I’d be freaking the fuck out but yeah this is not really like the best advice

for something healthy but it could be it could go either way so I’m not gonna

like shoot my advice down it’s good fucking advice but I’m just saying is it

gonna lead to something healthy I don’t know but if you are in a simp position

and you want someone to like recognize you gain a sense of self that’s the

answer stop being at their beck and call stop being the pigeon looking for

food okay go find food somewhere else there’s plenty of people throwing it

there’s plenty of people throwing fucking bread all right I think that’s

enough for this episode if this was helpful please message me about it I

really want feedback and I want to know if this was helpful or not and if you

did like eat like if you liked it a whole bunch leave this podcast the

five-star rating that would make me very happy thank you so much if you do

want to like get to know yourself better and do some self-discovery shit I have

an app for it it’s called positive focus it’s positive notifications to your

phone and like positive quotes you can scroll through when you having a bad

day or you just want a new perspective on something and then there’s journal

prompts where you can go in and fully like going on a topic and start

questioning yourself and learning about yourself and why you do things it’s like

a kick in the ass for awareness about whatever topic is listed that you need

help with so if you want to discover yourself and you want to like get deeper

with shit go check that out let me know if you like that if you do get it and

you like it leave the app a five-star rating that would make me fucking bust

tonight okay but yeah I will leave the link to everything in the description of

this my Instagram the app everything you need will be in the description of this

podcast I hope you liked it I hope you learned something remember I love you

we’re friends we’re besties for the resty everything I said in this was to

help you not hurt you okay I promise Sunday service is over thank you for

coming I will talk to you next week