Aware & Aggravated - 16. When They Try To Come Back

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Hi friends this week we’re talking about when the motherfucker tries to come back

Whether it’s a best friend or a friend that you cut off because they did some fuck shit

Or if it’s an ex like you broke up with somebody and they want to come back

Or just like a sneaky link or like anything like anytime somebody tries to come back in your life

This is the shit that you need to know and even if you’re like ah Leo. I’m a skip this week

I don’t have anybody trying to come back

Maybe one day you will and maybe one of your friends is gonna have an ex try to come back

And this is all the shit that you can tell them so you could sound real smart. You know

Okay, let’s jump right into it. So I got like a list. I got a whole bunch of bullet points like I have at least

Like 12, so let’s just go with it

So the first thing when someone tries to come back they’re gonna be on there like their best behavior typically like with an ex

Let’s just use like a dating example

When you have your ex try to come back after you left they asked you dusted their fucking ass and now they’re trying to come back

They’re gonna act on their best behavior

And if you complained about certain things

While you were with them and you tried to get them to change certain behaviors or stop doing this that and the other

When they come back if they all of a sudden fix all of the behaviors you had been bitching about previously

That reveals they knew what to do the entire fucking time

They just ratted on their self that they heard you they understood what you were complaining about

They were choosing not to change their behavior when they were with you now all of a sudden they want to come back and act

Like mr. Perfect, so that just they just ratted their self out because they knew how to fucking behave before they knew how to act

They knew how to treat you before but they just weren’t

So that should be your first red flag and if someone does this shit to you

You should cut them off and never speak to them again. Sorry

I’m gonna like pull that card out because motherfucker

You’re gonna gaslight me this whole time

We’re together and pretend like you don’t know what the fuck is going on and you’re gonna make

excuses for the way that you’re treating me and you’re not gonna change certain things when I ask you and

Then you’re gonna come back after I leave your dumb ass and then try and be mr. Perfect. No get fucked get lost

That’s your first

Absolutely cut them off. Okay, and let this be reassurance that it’s okay to do that

Like that’s the biggest fuck you that someone can do is like treats you like shit

And then you leave them and then you leaving them is what makes them treat you nice. Fuck that fuck this individual

Get rid of them. They got some growing up to do

They got some fucking learning to do and don’t reward that behavior because as soon as you take them back or you give into it

They’re gonna flip right back to who they were they it’s called a bait and switch

They’re gonna pretend to be a certain way to bait you and then as soon as they hook you they’re gonna switch up and go

Right back to who they fucking were

Don’t fall for it. And I do have kind of a test that you can do to see if someone is

Actually like gonna change so like if they do some fucked up shit and they come back to you and they try to like apologize

And they try to like create resolve if they genuinely understand

How what they did hurt you?

They are not gonna expect you to forgive them and jump back to them immediately

They’re gonna understand that you don’t trust them anymore. You’re scared of them. They just hurt you

So the test is like if they get mad, so if you’re like, okay, I’m willing to hear you out

I’m willing to like work on things and see where things are gonna go, but I’m not gonna put a label on it

I don’t want to jump back into dating you

I don’t want to jump back into none of that shit

like I want to try and see if we can work this out without like fully getting back invested with you if

They get mad at that

Run, that’s the fucking shit. I’m talking about they’re gonna bait and switch you if they genuinely understand how they hurt you

They’ll be fine with going forward with no label. They’ll be fine with working through what they did and creating actual repair

but if they just expect to come back and be nice to you and say all the right things and

Instantly, you’re gonna just like switch and commit to them again and like, oh, we’re back together. We’re back dating


that’s not how shit works and

They’re not actually like aware of how bad they hurt you or like the reason that you broke up with them

They’re not gonna change. They don’t get it. They don’t see it because they couldn’t expect you

To jump back into a relationship with them if they saw how hurt you were

They would understand you’re like standoffish

It’s like a kicked puppy if you kick the fuck out of a dog and then it acts scared of you to come up to


You’re not gonna be shocked. You’re gonna be like no shit. It’s scared of me

I just kicked the fuck out of it

But if they get mad at you for being a kicked puppy and you act scared of them if they get mad that you act

Scared there’s a huge disconnect and they’re very unaware. They don’t get it. They don’t see how their actions affected you

They don’t see how they hurt you and they’re gonna do it again

So another test kind of for the situation is

If someone fucks up and they realize that they fucked up when they come back to you to like create repair and resolve

They’re gonna be offering to do things

They’re gonna be offering to do things to give you reassurance to feel safe to trust them again

Repairing things with you will not feel like a chore. They will not make you feel like a bother

They will not make you feel like an inconvenience. It will be

like understandable to them and they will want to

Repair things with you so they will want to do what it takes to make you trust them again. They’ll be fine with

Re-establishing trust and building the fucking blocks of it again. They’re not gonna be annoyed with you. I

Don’t want to say they’ll be eager to fix things, but they’ll be very understanding if you want to take it slow

They’ll understand they’re not gonna give you shit. They’re not gonna like attack you

They’re not gonna make you feel stupid for not trusting them. They’re not gonna call you an idiot

They’re not gonna threaten to leave you because you don’t instantly just jump back into shit with them. Okay?

So those are some things to look for. Oh

One more point when they are putting in the effort to repair things with you and establish trust again

They are not gonna be expecting praise

They’re not gonna be expecting for you to like be eating their fucking ass and like praising them like oh my god

It’s like the puppy like the kicked puppy if they kick you and then they come over to you and they hug you and they’re like

Oh my god. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to

You don’t need to praise them for that. You don’t need to be like, oh my god

Thank you for coming over here and consoling me after you just kicked the fuck out of me

Like they’re not gonna need to be encouraged. That’s a big thing. That’s it right there. I just came to my head

They’re not gonna need to be encouraged. They’re not gonna need praise. They’re not gonna need a fucking

Like that’s like that’s what’s expected shithead like when you fuck up you fix it

So you’re not gonna need praise for fixing it

if someone is genuinely fixing it because they want to

Now if someone has the motive of like all they want to do is just get you back

Anything they do that doesn’t make them feel like they’re getting toward that goal is gonna aggravate them

They’re gonna get fucking pissed because them leaving you like even if someone treated you like shit

You are so much more important to them than you even realize you’re giving them so much more safety and security and like they’re attached to

You in a way that you don’t even realize even if they treat you like shit. I know it’s hard to hear but

You’re like they’re attached to you more than you fucking realize

So when you leave them when you finally leave them, it’s gonna make them like anxious and they’re gonna be fucked up

They’re not gonna know what to do

They’re just gonna know that they don’t feel good and they want you back like for whatever fucking reason

so when they come after you all they want back is that safety and security blanket and they want that reassurance that like everything’s

Okay, that’s like some childish fucking

Wasn’t raised properly things didn’t form right in their frontal lobe their reasoning processes like shit just didn’t form for them

They’re probably very immature

But this is what they’re gonna do

This is how they’re gonna behave so it’s that’s the way that you can tell the difference between

someone who’s genuinely trying to rekindle things with you and repair things versus someone who’s like

Anxiously just wants to get you back because they don’t like the way that they feel

After losing you and like I said like someone that comes back and genuinely cares

There’s not gonna be any expectations with their actions like the kicked puppy

It’s like you’re supposed to walk over to a puppy after you fucking kick it if you did kick it back

So you’re supposed to console it you’re supposed to do all that

But when if I accident like when I accidentally step on cat because I step on her all the fucking time

I immediately run over to her and I grab her and I hug her I like make sure she’s okay

And I’ll like hug her and be like I’m sorry yada yada

And I’ll like sweet-talk her little fucking ass because I feel bad. I don’t expect

Anything for that. I don’t expect shit

so if someone is coming to you and

Like behaving a certain way and there’s an expectation behind it like oh, we’re gonna fuck after I say

Sorry, or oh, I’m gonna get like you’re gonna recommit to me after I say

I’m sorry ooh like and then they don’t get that they’re gonna freak out, but someone that’s genuinely

Doing it they’re not gonna expect anything

For them coming to you and trying to repair the situation or say that they’re sorry like they’re just gonna get it

They’re not like that’s the whole thing about why I don’t like people saying. Sorry

I throw around the word sorry and like a joking way, but you will never fucking hear me say

I’m sorry in a serious sense because I don’t need to fucking say that when I come to someone that I realized

My actions affected in a negative way. I’m not coming to you for a fucking forgiveness. I don’t need you to forgive me

I just want to

Explain my perspective and explain what’s going on and share with you that I understand how I hurt you

Like I’m gonna come and share all this shit with you

To hopefully make some kind of repair and to make you feel better

I don’t expect anything for it if you don’t want to take me back. I’m not gonna be mad at you because I get it

Do you see how that’s a fully different energy that’s a whole different feeling

Versus someone coming to you if it’s like I’m gonna say all these things. Oh, and then I want you to get back with me

It’s like no you can tell when it’s genuine because there’s no expectations attached

And if there you feel like there are expectations attached, they don’t get it. Okay, they can hope for things. They can hope that

You will like want to take with him back or whatever, but they’re not gonna expect it

It’s two different tastes in your mouth when you hear it, you’ll know it. Okay, you’re aware

You’re listening to aware and aggravated you get it bitch and the rest of the things that I say in this you’re really gonna be

Able to spot it

Okay. My next point is if someone does something

Severely fucked up to you if they break your trust in a big way if they disrespect you in a big way

If you forgive them and take them back

They will never respect you I’m sorry, I don’t make the fucking rules

It’s the way it is. You can get mad at me, but we both know it’s the truth bitch


I’m here as a friend telling you this

but if someone does something really fucked up to you and then they can come like if someone cheats on you and then they

Come to you and they can convince you

To get back with them whether it takes them a month and you finally like cave and you get back with them or you give

Them another chance or whatever it is. You have now shown them you can be manipulated and you can be fucked on and

gotten back

they’re not gonna be scared of anything because if they can do something severe enough like fuck another person while they’re dating you and

You will still take them back. They have this new confidence that you will never fucking leave them

They will never lose you because they just weaseled their way back in they just got the fuck back in

So you just gave them a reassurance that you will never get from them

Because typically if you’re the one forgiving someone you’re not doing fucked-up shit. So I’m just throwing that out but

If they do something really really bad to you, it sucks, but you have to

Realize that you can’t forgive it. Like sometimes there is no forgiveness. I don’t believe in forgiveness

We’ve talked about that before on this pocket. We’ve talked about it, bitch. I’ve talked about it. I act like we’re having a conversation

But that’s how I feel. I did ask for like I’m talking to like my bestie when I’m fucking making this podcast

That’s why it’s so funny


Yeah, like sometimes people shouldn’t be forgiven

Sometimes people’s actions are too damaging to even be able to create repair and there’s nothing wrong with that

There’s nothing wrong with not forgiving someone

I know that’s not preached in social media and that’s not preached in like this new generation

But forgiveness isn’t always deserved. You don’t have to

You don’t have to forgive fucking anybody for anything if you don’t want to

But the main point I need to drill into people

And I had to do it into myself for a long time is if you let shit go you will never be respected

They will do it again

If you show someone that you will put up with and allow being disrespected

in a certain way

like that’s


Honestly, and i’m able to stand here and say that because I was the pathetic one for so long. I let

so much

fucking shit



previous relationships

I know I said i’ve only been in one but in order to clear myself legally i’m gonna have to say multiple

Okay, let’s just pretend but I

Let so much shit slide I should have never

fucking put up with

I’m, like disgusted looking back on the shit that I let go

Not on like the person didn’t deserve it, but how fucking disrespectful it was to myself. I was disrespecting the living shit out of myself

to continue

In the relationships I was in and with the people I was in even with friendships like I actually can say

Relationships because fucking everybody like the shit that I used to put up with is so fucking degrading like absolutely not

Absolutely the fuck not do not ever

Take someone back that cheats on you that betrays you that does some fucked up ass shit

You will never feel safe with them again

You will never feel secure trust cannot be rebuilt. I’m mad bitch

I’m fucking mad as you can tell but trust cannot be rebuilt from some things

Some things just break it and it’s fucking broken

Trust is like a vase if you shatter the fucker. Good luck

There’s never rebuilding it. There is no rebuilding it

Now if you chip off a couple pieces of the vase you can put them back on that’s saveable

But to fully be able to like have the vase again after you shatter the fucker

It’s not happening some situations trust is too broken to be rebuilt. I don’t care what you do

If you cheat on me once

I will i’m already gonna be paranoid

About everything that you fucking do in every move you make and every person you talk to that’s not me

And then that’s like my fear that you’re gonna cheat. So if someone actually does cheat on me

It’s now been verified like you will do it. You just did it. So for me to try and get back with you

I don’t care if you act right for 20 fucking years when you say i’m gonna go run to the store real quick bitch

I don’t trust you. It’s always gonna be in the back of my head. Are you really going to fuck someone?

It does not matter how long you try to rebuild it

It’s not gonna be rebuilt that little voice will always be back in the back of my head because it’s survival

It’s a you might get fucking betrayed again. That voice don’t shut up for me

That voice don’t shut up for anybody and anybody that tells you that is a fucking liar

Like you’ll never be able to get that back

You might be able to like pretend but you’re always gonna secretly be scared as shit

You’re always gonna secretly be like looking more into things and going through their phone as you fucking should

Okay, you should always go through your partner’s phone. You heard it here fucking first

All right, if someone doesn’t let you go through their phone, don’t be with them

It goes both ways like why would you why should you not be able to go through your partner’s phone?

People spend most of their fucking day on their phone

All of everything you need to know about someone is on their fucking phone

Why would I not want access to that part of you a bitch?

I want to know you fully if i’m committing to you

So go through that goddamn fucking phone. You need to find out anything go through that damn phone

Every part of it, okay

Let me get off that where the fuck even was I with this whole topic? I just got off on a damn tangent

Oh about um, if someone does something really really fucked up, you can’t take them back. They will never respect you

and they’ll get this like

Reassurance that all right now I can do some fucked up ass shit and you’ll take me back like

And they’ll just keep doing worse and worse shit i’m sorry to say it but

That’s what happens when you give someone that level of security with you

They know that they can push it. They know that they can like get you back. They’re gonna be less

Considerate of you in the way that you feel because they know that you’ll always just be there

Or they’ll always be able to manipulate you and get you back

So don’t fucking be that put your goddamn foot down on their neck. Don’t let them back

My next point with breakups or cutting someone off

it’s already really fucking hard like the amount of

Convincing it takes for you to finally cut someone off and then to actually go through with it

To like fully break up or cut a friend off or whatever it is

It’s so fucking hard to already do it

If you cut someone off

And then you go back to them

However hard it was to cut them off the first time it’s going to be harder the next time

So remind yourself of that it’s going to take more from you and it’s going to be way fucking harder

To cut them off the next time and I really need to talk about embarrassment


People are too comfortable running their fucking mouth about the dumb ass shit that they put up with

So if someone is in a toxic relationship and like say you’re my friend, okay?

And you run to me and tell me all the fucked up ass shit that your boyfriend is doing to you


You look dumb, okay?

Don’t run your mouth about your partner to anyone

That’s that’s a fucking rule

Like if someone does some fucked up ass shit and you’re gonna let it slide let it slide in your own head

You deal with that one on your own

Because you’re gonna look like a goddamn fool to everybody else and everyone’s gonna see how you’re willing to disrespect yourself

And it’s gonna make everyone lose respect for you the way that you’re okay with being treated the shit that you’re gonna tolerate

So before you go run your fucking mouth to everybody about how your ex was so bad

Make sure you are not going to get back with them because if you

Go run in your mouth

About this person you just broke up with and then a month later you’re back with them

You’re a goddamn idiot. You look like a fucking fool to everybody around you and I know that sounds very harsh

But you need to hear it

I needed to be told this shit too

But like shut your fucking mouth until you are certain and even if you’re still in a relationship with somebody watch it

Like you’re when you’re with somebody i’m very old school. I’m very old-fashioned with my beliefs about

Relationships like you should never try to embarrass your partner. You should always try to like uphold their

Sense of respect and self and everything. It’s like you want to uphold their image for them

You don’t want to make people disrespect them or look down on them

So watch your fucking mouth about what you tell people

You know what?

I mean, like I don’t like that like people that will just run to their friends and vent about their partner and like talk shit

Like uh, don’t you fucking dare do that?

Your partner doesn’t deserve that one and two you look like an idiot. All right

Like babe, i’m just trying to help you. I’m really just trying to help you. Don’t do that

Okay, i’m gonna hit back on this topic really quick

If someone tries to come back into your life and they’re doing everything right, okay

And they’re like, mr. Fucking perfect understand. That’s the best they’re gonna get

As good as they’re being as the best they’re gonna get because you act on your best behavior

After you fuck up like when they’re trying to win you back, they’re gonna be 10 on 10

They’re gonna be behaving the best way that they fucking can and if you aren’t even satisfied with that you’re done bitch

You’re done

you might not have realized it until I just said that but

They’re they’re gonna try to act like mr. Perfect. And while they’re acting like that if you still don’t even like them you’re done

Don’t even consider going back. Let that be your validation

All right, that ain’t what the fuck I want because even when you’re on 10 for what you’re capable of it ain’t enough for me

And I want to reassure you that’s okay. If someone’s best is still not enough for you. That’s fine

You’re of a different caliber. You deserve more

Re-fucking play that okay skip back right now and listen to that again

Okay. Now I want to give you a couple of tips

and just different perspectives to look at with

these relationships, so

If someone loses you

Okay, why wouldn’t they want you back?

Duh, like that’s a fucking given like no shit. Why would they not want you back?

Why would they not be chasing after you? Why would they not be trying to come back?

Like they realized what they had they realized what they lost like why the fuck would they not be coming back we get that

But you need to ask yourself. Why do you want them back?

Why would you want them back and especially

Given now the circumstance of if they did something fucked up to you and they broke your trust

They betrayed you whatever it is. They were disloyal whatever it fucking was

Why would you want them back now?

And I am gonna hit on okay logically it’s easy to say like I deserve better

But the way that you feel it’s like if you feel like you want them back

That’s understandable because people can do fucked up ass shit to you and you still just care when you genuinely care for someone

You’re gonna have an attachment to them and you’re gonna want them back no matter what they do

But sometimes you have to govern that little voice inside yourself and be like look I understand that you want it and here cry

Break the fuck down. I will let you cry right now, but you’re not going back. Okay, so be sad

But we’re going and we’re getting better for ourself. That’s it. You have to govern that little voice inside you and be logical

it fucking sucks and it hurts but

Why the fuck would you want them back?

another thing to ask yourself

If someone does something or betrays you is how many times do I need to be shown?

Like if they just cheated on you or they just talk shit behind your back about you to somebody else

Or they did something like they betrayed you in some way. They stole from you. Whatever it was

They just showed you

Straight the fuck up. They just showed you

They don’t give a fuck about how you feel. They’re not going to consider you. They’re fine with disrespecting you

What else do you need to see babe?

Why do you need to have it happen again, why do you need to give them another chance to not fuck you over?

They shouldn’t have needed the first one in the first place. And that’s the reason that I don’t fucking ask for forgiveness

I don’t need second chances

I don’t fuck up

Like it’s not hard to be a decent human being so don’t make no excuse for no bum motherfucker

All right, so I have two more little things to say, okay

How are we liking this podcast so far if you’re like in this like send me a dm on instagram. I’ll put my

At in the description of this send me a dm what you think what you think thank and thunk

And if you’re in the middle of this bitch drop me a rating leave me a five stars

For being your like best friend that yells at you and tells you all the shit that you need to hear

But you don’t want to hear

I got your back always don’t worry

Okay. So out of my last two points the first one

Is there are so many more people in the world?

than you can even


And I know when you’re like losing a friend or you’re in a breakup

Everything feels so small. It feels like that one person is just like oh my god

Like that’s it. Like you feel like there’s nobody left for you

Bitch, I can’t tell you how many more people are in the world than you can even imagine

And if you are considering going back to someone that treats you like absolute fucking shit or has disrespected you

Enough for you to want to leave

Don’t give up on yourself yet

Go do what is in your ability to meet new people

Go make friends go meet new partners go travel bitch

Go do anything in your control to meet more people before you sit down and tell yourself

This is it. I should just settle no

You’re so much more capable than you think you deserve so much better than you fucking think

As soon as you start to question do I deserve better you do?

I heard that the other day and I can’t fucking stop thinking about it, but that’s the truth

So do everything in your power

Do everything you can to meet new people

Anything get the fuck up and go do it, babe

Like you you need to go do that for yourself before you sit down

And just accept defeat and go back to this piece of shit. Okay, the one that you left

That’s your last option. That’s your backup plan. Okay, let them be your fall back

Because the way that they just fucked on you

They can be manipulated back into taking you back. Don’t worry

I don’t even care if five years fucking goes by the motherfuckers that fuck you over and betray you

They’re always looking for approval. They always want your forgiveness

They’ll be right there when you want to fucking go back if you want to go back

So like I said go find

anyone else

Go do everything you can in your power to meet new friends meet new people get in a new relationship go fucking do it, bitch

like go

Exhaust yourself first before you run back

All right, so i’m going to close this bitch out with bringing the little you into it


Imagine whatever experience you just had or whatever. You just went through with a friend or a partner or whatever it is

Imagine the child version of you that’s like six or seven years old

imagine them walking up to you right now

And imagine yourself

Telling them

You deserve to be treated this way. You deserve to be cheated on you deserve to be betrayed

You deserve to be fucked on the way that you just were

You don’t matter your feelings aren’t important. You should choose to go be with someone like this

You should choose to go be with this person that treats you like shit. You deserve it kid

Imagine telling yourself that you feel how fucking bad that feels

That kid is still in you

That little child is always a part of you and always will be

So if you can’t find the strength to choose better for your adult self

Choose it for your little self choose to find better for little you because little you is always there

Holy fucking shit

Oh my god, here I am fucking crying

That just hit me

but yeah people

find it really hard to

See their innocence

When they’re grown like it doesn’t matter what you’ve done

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been a fucking prostitute or if you’ve sold drugs or if you’ve fucking murdered somebody you’re still

a child like you you still have that little innocence and that little purity of like a child and

children deserve to be cared for so like

Please just care for yourself and don’t

Put yourself back in a situation that’s fucking bad like just think of little you

Think of little fucking you and what you would do for them

Don’t tell them they deserve that fucking shit because they’re still in you don’t put them through that

Like protect them and choose better for them. If you can’t choose better for the adult you right now

That’s just a really good way to bridge that gap

And to help you stay strong is to realize that there’s more in you to consider than just you now

And there’s so much more about you that is worth protecting and loving

I just have a really soft spot

For children and kids and I will protect them at all fucking costs. That’s just how I am

So this analogy really helps me and I have to envision little me a lot

to kind of like get through shit and

Choose the right thing because I have to choose better for him a lot of the time because me who I am now

it’s easy to just like

Whatever, you know, but when I think of little me, I feel like I have a responsibility now and it’s like I have to parent

That kid and like I have to watch out for him and I don’t want him to go through

Bad shit because i’m fine with going through bad things. I can deal with shit

But to imagine little me having to do it. I want to protect him. So i’m I choose better for both of us

So that’s why I gave this example

But just remember little you is always inside you

So draw on them when you need to like the strength to

Choose what’s good for you

And one more thing it shouldn’t take someone losing you

To appreciate you

Or to realize what they had if they didn’t see it when they had it. That’s not fair to you

That’s not fucking fair at all

So if you leaving them and now they’re like all of a sudden oh my god all these things I miss about you

It’s too fucking late. I’m, sorry

Little you don’t deserve that little you doesn’t deserve to be in a position where they’re unappreciated


Where it takes you being hurt enough to finally leave someone for them to see you fuck that

That person’s not worth you

That person isn’t worth having you if they didn’t fucking appreciate you

All right. I need to end this episode like that was a lot

Emotionally for me like bitch, sometimes I just be talking and I just like fucking the waterworks just be happening

It’s very rare

But this was a very intense topic and it’s something that hits very close to home for me

So I hope everything I said in this episode was helpful. I hope you learned something

I hope you choose better for little you

And i’m talking to everybody when I say that not just for relationships with fucking everything

But if you want to follow my social media i’ll put it all in the description of this podcast

Don’t forget to leave me five stars

Thank you

And then the link to my app is also

In the description of this if you want to get it, it’s called positive focus for those of you that don’t know

It’s on apple devices and android devices and all kind of shit in between

So check it out if you want to better your life shift your focus and fucking live bitch. All right

Sunday service is officially over sunday sadness. It was today god damn

Um, I will talk to you guys next week if you have any suggestions or like topics you want to hear about

Send me a dm on instagram because I have like a list of topics, but i’m always looking for

new ones

See what sparks my interest and what I feel drawn to talk about so

I will talk to you next week. Stay safe until then