Aware & Aggravated - 18. The Truth About Self Love

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hi friends today we’re talking about self-love and why you ain’t got none

not really I’m gonna debunk this shit for you okay cuz everybody online be

preaching all kind of you just need to love yourself you need to love yourself

but they don’t give you steps of how to fucking do it okay and they don’t even

know what they’re talking about half the time people that’s just a good thing to

say it’s like a politically correct answer like when someone comes to you

with some fucking problem you just say you need to learn how to love yourself

like bitch fuck off so I’m gonna debunk all that and then I’m gonna give you

like a step-by-step guide kind of of like what to do how to do it you’re

gonna see you’re gonna like it a whole bunch I promise but I do need to

acknowledge I’m sick I’m sick as a fucking dog right now okay I’m like I’m

really upset no bitch I’m just sick I have a cold like going to this festival

I just went to I went to Okeechobee last weekend and girl I’m still sick and I’m

fucking annoyed by it okay like all my friends when we go to festivals they be

like depressed and upset and like they’d be a little chemically imbalanced cuz

we’d be rolling and shit but that’s all they got to worry about I gotta have a

fucking cold on the end of it like bitch I’m depressed I’m upset I’m sad and I’m

fucking full of snot are you kidding me like everybody else just seems to like

recover so fast but my weak-ass immune system be tearing my ass up like how

embarrassing is that like how pussy is that of me to always be getting sick

that’s embarrassing also I have officially turned 24 my birthday was

March 7th and I hid it I kept it a secret I didn’t tell anybody it was my

birthday cuz I didn’t want no like theatrics and shit online or like people

posting like yeah like it was sweet a couple people did but I just didn’t want

to make it a big fucking deal you know like I’m upset I don’t want to be 24 I

still feel like I’m 15 what the hell is this you know like you I don’t want to

fucking grow up but yeah I’m 24 now so I changed all my bios which hurts my

heart every year like all my social media bios I gotta change it now I’m 24

not 23 y’all I’m stressed like growing up is like some bullshit this is a

gimmick okay I like it doesn’t feel right it doesn’t feel like this is

supposed to be happening you know like I don’t feel like an adult but like I’m

officially like adult now like these are adult years I’m in and I still feel like

a fucking child you know like I know a bunch of things I’m real smart but I

still feel like a kid anyways let’s go into this self-love topic okay so first

thing I’m gonna say about love and like loving something to love something is a

verb it’s an action to love okay a lot of things online and a lot of people

make it seem like self-love is just this thing that you have or don’t have it’s

just this magical feeling that pops out of your fucking ass of like oh my god I

love myself and you just feel this certain way towards yourself and like oh

that’s self-love no scratch that that ain’t fucking true that ain’t real don’t

base your opinion of yourself and if you love yourself or not off of that it’s

not fair okay because you’re gonna be striving for that you ain’t never gonna

get it sorry but that’s not what it is so it’s like people are teaching you

this like false idea of what the fuck it should be it’s not so like I said to

love something is a verb so what you need to look at is your actions is the

way you treat yourself loving or is it not loving is the way you live your life

loving or not loving toward yourself that’s the way I want to like help you

reframe your mindset on it because I used to be the person that was lost and

was like confused and I didn’t understand what the fuck everybody meant

by this self-love shit online so like I’m just sharing what I’ve learned and

how I’ve had to like reconstruct it in my mind to actually feel better and to

actually feel like I love myself you know and like make the changes that are

necessary but the first thing I want to make clear is it’s not this magical

feeling it’s not just this thing you have or don’t have okay to love

something is an action so base it off of that are your actions self-loving am I

acting in a self-loving way so the other thing that you kind of get off the hook

with with looking at it like this is the definite do I love myself or do I

not when you look at your actions as self-loving or not self-loving there’s

no way to say I love myself or I don’t love myself because it’s not an

all-the-time thing it bases off your actions and how you act and how you

treat yourself so you it’s like if you do ten actions that are self-loving and

then you do one that’s not loving it’s not like oh I love myself and then oh

now I don’t love myself it’s you took actions that were self-loving and then

this one might not have been self-loving and that’s another thing you can’t

fucking be loving toward yourself all the time like it’s unrealistic to expect

that of yourself all the fucking time and especially if you’re someone that

feels like you don’t love yourself or you don’t know how to love yourself you

can’t just expect yourself to fully flip and like do everything right going

forward it’s it’s unreasonable to expect that from anybody even the people

that have practiced this for a long time there’s there you can’t get it wrong

okay you can kinda but like if you can’t get it right you can’t get it wrong and

if there’s no absolutes then you’re fine so it just depends on your actions and

how you treat yourself so I keep running on about that but I have 12 areas or

kind of like circumstances where things could be like self-loving or not and

these are like the areas that I’ve come up with for my life that I kind of gauge

if I’m loving myself or not so these are gonna also be like the step-by-steps of

how to love yourself if you don’t like this is the the mindset shifts you need

to make and these are the shifts you need to make in your actions so I laid

this shit out for you babe all right let me get to my note it’s on my phone so if

you hear me like tapping around on my phone that’s what it is usually I write

this in a notebook but I was like real depressed in my bed last night and I

did not feel like getting up and I was trying to think of like what I was gonna

do for this fucking podcast and I just did it in my phone so that’s what that

is and one more thing I need to bring up before we run into my little 12 steps

like but girl I did not realize it’s the 12 step program no no we’re not

alcoholics anonymous we are not narcotics anonymous this is self-hate

anonymous is that what the programs are is it 12 steps do I really have 12 oh my

girl I really do have 12 steps I did not mean it to go like this I just realized

this oh well the thing I wanted to say was if you feel like you don’t love

yourself or if you do things that are like damaging to yourself and you’re

just like annoyed with yourself or you beat yourself up a lot or whatever it is

if you feel like you don’t love yourself at some point in your life loving

yourself led to negative consequences okay you had to learn to stop loving

yourself in order to stay close to the people around you now this could have

started when you were very young or it could have been in your teenage years

whenever it was but at some point in your life loving yourself led to

negative consequences so you stopped considering yourself led to

disconnection or you were scared it was gonna lead to disconnection and like

losing people so you learn to discard yourself that’s a that’s another way you

can kind of break it down is looking at it like considering yourself and

prioritizing yourself doing that in the past led to you being hurt so you stopped

so have a little compassion for yourself be a little bit understanding and look

at why you stopped so once I once you get through listening to this fucking

episode of all the things my 12 steps look at why you stopped doing these

things I like what point in your life did you stop doing them and why did you

stop why did it not feel safe to care about the way that you felt and

prioritize yourself and consider yourself and make sure you were taken

care of okay you’re gonna see that it led to negative consequences but I’m

just kind of like throwing the answer at you but I really want you guys to like

think about it for yourself and that negative voice in the back of your head

so like the critical voice in your head that’s like won’t shut the fuck up and

is always mean to you if you look at why that voice is there that voice has your

back that voice is looking out for you the only reason that critical voice in

your head is so mean to you and is so on your fucking ass is because it’s trying

to make you better but why is it trying to make you better so that you can be

loved that’s the only goal behind that voice in your head that sounds like it

fucking hates you and is always on your ass and is always like doubting you and

second-guessing you and is like pushing you and is like way too hard on you

that’s the goal behind that voice is to make sure you stay connected to others

and make sure that you can get love so take a second to shift your perspective

of how you’ve been looking at that negative voice in your head because it’s

there to help you in a twisted fucked up way it’s just trying to make sure you’re

okay okay now let’s move on to my 12 steps not really steps like my 12 areas

of places to check yourself and how you can start to love yourself so the first

one is your own happiness what is your relationship to your happiness and the

things that make you happy and bring you joy do you make time for those things do

you prioritize those things do you make those things important to you or do you

forget about them and discard them for other things or other people like if you

know that there’s something that you want to do that will make you happy if

something else comes up with somebody else are you gonna throw away what you

want to do to make sure that they’re happy you know what I mean are you gonna

sacrifice yourself are you gonna sacrifice what makes you happy so that

people don’t get mad at you my point with this one is your happiness do you

prioritize it does your happiness matter to you does what makes you happy matter

to you I hope that was correct English because I just be talking shit because

someone that loves their self is gonna prioritize what makes them happy they’re

gonna prioritize making sure that they get to do what they want to do if

something brings them joy they’re gonna make sure they get to do that you know

they’re gonna make time for that they’re gonna make that a priority they’re gonna

make their happiness a priority and I’m not saying like that whole term of

happiness that everybody beats into you on social media and online is like not

that stereotypical fucking happiness definition I’m talking about anything

small that you enjoy doing do you make time for it or do you throw it away for

others and if you do throw it away and you do discard doing what makes you

happy why do you do that look at why what are you scared is gonna happen who

are you scared you’re gonna lose because I guarantee you it leads to some sort of

disconnection that’s what you’re scared of but that’s for you to figure out okay

so number two my second area my second step of our 12-step program is the way

that you feel does the way that you feel matter to you does the fact that you’re

upset or sad or uncomfortable bother you when you feel uncomfortable do you take

action to try and feel better and to try and change something or do you just make

yourself shut up and deal with it do you discard the fact that you feel

uncomfortable or do you make it important to you because you don’t want

yourself to have to deal with that does that make sense someone that loves

their self is not gonna let their self remain uncomfortable or if they’re upset

they’re not gonna just brush that off or try and tell their self it’s not

important they’re gonna take that into consideration they’re gonna take the way

that they feel into consideration they’re not gonna make their self do

things that make them feel negatively you know there’s a difference between

being self-disciplined and doing things that sometimes you don’t want to do

versus doing things that hurt you or make you feel disgusting and

uncomfortable like hanging out with certain people if you don’t like hanging

out with certain people because they don’t make you feel good or they talk

bad about you and it makes you feel bad about yourself someone who loves

their self is not gonna let their self hang out with those people someone who

loves their self is gonna prioritize the way that they feel and say fuck no I’m

not letting you go through that they’re gonna like care take their self if you

kind of got to look at it with like as two people and I like to bring up my

inner child into this it’s like I wouldn’t tell five-year-old me to go

deal with certain things if it made him upset like I would want to look out for

him and take care of him I wouldn’t tell him to go deal with that shit like I

would grab his little hand like no we’re not hanging out with them fuck them like

you know what I mean you have to be the same way with adult you you have to be

the same way with yourself you have to care about the way that you feel and

make that a priority that’s loving yourself okay so my third point is look

at the attitude you have toward yourself so are you judgmental of

yourself are you fucking mean to yourself and I’m not talking about the

critical voice in your head like there’s like a critical voice that you can’t

really control and there’s one that you can control you know so what’s your

attitude toward yourself do you like beat yourself up for shit or do you try

to understand why you just did what you did so if you do something that seems

self-destructive or seems like bad are you just gonna start beating yourself up

for it like you’re a fucking idiot you’re a fucking dumbass like are you

stupid like how dumb can you be to do that are you gonna act like that towards

yourself or are you gonna look at yourself and be like okay why did you

just do that are you gonna try to understand what you were feeling and

what caused you to take that action or are you just gonna criticize yourself

for it because someone who loves their self is gonna try to understand why they

just did what they did and you are the only one that can fully understand you

you can experience firsthand the feelings you’re feeling no one else can

so no one else can understand you as well as you can but do you even take the

time to understand why you feel the way that you do why you take the actions

that you do or do you just judge them as good or bad right and wrong do you like

self-soothe yourself or do you attack yourself because that criticism shit

will only get you so far like you if you’re gonna be critical of yourself you

also need to give credit where it’s due and someone who loves their self is

gonna give credit to their self so even if they don’t achieve what they wanted

they’re gonna give credit to how hard they fucking tried because they know how

hard they tried they’ll look at ways to do it better in the future they’ll look

at ways to improve but they are also gonna give credit where it’s due and not

just beat their self up you need to have both if you’re gonna be critical you

need to be appreciative of yourself and congratulate yourself and like what is

it called like you need to be rooting for yourself and you need to hold

yourself accountable to like the good things you do if you’re also gonna hold

accountable to the bad things you need to have both you can’t just beat yourself

up all right my fourth point look at how you handle yourself when you’re upset do

you get annoyed when you’re upset are you mean to yourself when you’re upset

are you gentle with yourself when you’re upset like how do you respond when you’re

upset do you look at it like it’s annoying do you look at it like it’s a

bother like the fact that you’re upset right now it’s like oh god damn it like

can you just fucking not like is that how you respond to yourself because

someone that loves herself doesn’t do that like I said with prioritizing the

way that you feel people that love their selves are understanding when they’re

upset they understand why they’re upset they understand that it’s okay to feel

upset they understand given what we just went through if you’re upset and

you’re crying right now that’s understandable someone that loves

herself is gonna validate the way that they feel not fight it or criticize it

they’re gonna try to understand what led us to feeling this way you know and I

keep saying us because I look at myself like two people sometimes I have to so I

can like properly caretake myself but are you reassuring to yourself are you

sweet to yourself when you’re upset when you’re sad when you’re even fucking

angry like are you able to self-soothe are you able to be there for you

emotionally like do you hold your own hand do you give yourself encouragement

and another reason that I look at myself like two different people is because

there’s like an observer self and then there’s part of you that is upset so the

part of you that is upset when it’s upset it’s crying it’s whatever it wants

your presence it needs your presence it needs you to sit there with it do you

abandon yourself when you’re upset or do you give yourself your attention that’s

what’s really going on that’s what really needs to happen is you need to be

present with the part of you that is upset you don’t need to discard it you

don’t need to beat it up you don’t need to look at it like it’s fucking annoying

even though it might be in a bad time it that part of you still needs your

attention it still needs you to be there with it and if you truly love yourself

it doesn’t matter when it’s upset you’re still gonna care that it’s upset and be

there for it that part of you which is you think about if you were there for

like the person that you love the most if you were in like a really important

moment and that person just got really upset you would be there for them like

it doesn’t matter what you have going on when you genuinely love someone and care

for someone you prioritize how they feel you care about how they feel and if

they’re upset you’re not okay so you the you being present with them and you

being there for them when they’re upset is what makes you feel better because

someone that you genuinely love cannot be upset and you just sit there and be

okay that’s detachment if someone that you truly love is like heartbroken

upset and you can just look the other way or you can be annoyed by it you

don’t actually love them you don’t actually care about them you’re not

taking them as part of yourself and that’s what love is because if I truly

love you you can’t be upset and me just be okay with it I can’t just go on my

merry way and know that you’re like breaking down and you’re really upset

you know that’s not love that’s disconnect because like I said I

wouldn’t be able to do that if I saw you as part of me that’s why I’m very picky

with when people say that they love me like I let people say it but if I tell

someone I love them that’s some deep fucking shit and that’s very important

to me I don’t like people’s definition of love because people mislabel love a

lot they think that it’s like this just intense feeling that they have towards

someone like oh my god I love you it’s like no that’s not it if I genuinely

tell someone I love you I take you as part of me your best interests

everything about you is now part of me and it’s important to me me making sure

you get what you want me making sure you’re okay the way that you feel what

makes you happy all of that is now right there next to everything about me I’m

gonna prioritize us both that’s what I mean when I say I love you because the

people that want to run around and just label that feeling that they have as

like they have like this really strong appreciation towards you they want to

label that as oh my god I love you they’re the same people that can cause

you in a serious amount of pain and sit there and watch you cry and just look at

you and just wonder why you’re crying because they’re disconnected that’s not

love I don’t let people say they love me if they do fucked up shit like you

don’t get to say that you fucking love me if you’re able to do this you know

you don’t get to go hurt me like this and then say you love me eat a fucking

dick but anyway I think you get my point with number four number five when

it comes to your best interests and your goals do you make decisions in line with

these so do you prioritize your goals do you prioritize what’s in your best

interest do you take into consideration what’s best for you do you act in that

way so like with your goals if you have a goal say let’s you you want to go to

the gym and you want to eat healthy and you want to eat clean when someone

invites you to go out on Friday night do you throw away your goals do you throw

away eating clean and going to the gym on Friday night for going out and

drinking alcohol or do you make the decision to do what you said you’re

gonna do and go and do what’s in line with your goal you know which one seems

more self-loving and I’m not saying going out and drinking is bad I’m saying

you need to prioritize your goals and what’s in your best interests first so

if you’re gonna go out and go drink go to the fucking gym before eat clean all

day maybe do a little extra cardio so that you can have extra calories to

spare so when you go drink you’re not like throwing off your goals like you

can do both you can have a balance but don’t just throw away your goals and

throw away what you want because you want to go do something else that’s not

self-loving there’s a way to do both like I just said but someone who loves

their self is gonna make sure they get what they want and if they’re working

toward a goal the loving thing to do is stay accountable with that goal you set

that goal for a reason it’s because it gets you to something that you want are

you gonna prioritize getting what you want or you’re gonna prioritize oh I’m

gonna go run out and have fun with my friends real quick no that’s not

self-loving I told you guys this self-love shit is a lot different than

you think it’s not as easy as people make it seem and it’s a lot more complex

like just little shit like this like people don’t think of it this way but it

is all these things okay so number six this one’s about the way you let people

treat you and speak to you someone who loves their self is not gonna allow

their self to be disrespected repeatedly by the same person without saying

something they’re not just gonna sit back and let their self be bullied or

disrespected or not considered someone who loves their self is gonna stand the

fuck up take their self into consideration and not deal with that

they’re gonna choose better for their self they’re not gonna be around people

that make them feel like shit or that treat them like shit or that put them

second and don’t consider them and that discard them and the way that they feel

someone who loves their self is gonna want better for their self they’re not

just gonna make their self endure it and deal with it and put up with it you can

always find a way to justify it and to make it seem okay to yourself to stay in

a place where you get disrespected say it’s a job oh well my boss disrespects

me and treats me like fucking shit and I don’t make piss for money but I have to

stay in this job because I have bills to pay babe you can easily go get another

fucking job you can get out of that shit like I said you can justify it it’s like

with your partner like you can tell yourself all the reasons why you

shouldn’t leave them and why them disrespecting you is okay you just have

to put up with it but that’s not self-loving the self-loving action is to

get the fuck out of there the self-loving action is to prioritize the

way that you feel and make it important and get out of a damaging environment

you wouldn’t tell a five-year-old to stay in that you wouldn’t tell a

five-year-old that they need to just put up with being treated like fucking shit

so don’t tell yourself that all right number seven this one comes to like

health and eating habits and shit like how do you treat your body okay do you

act like you care about it the way that you eat the way that you exercise the

way that you treat your body do you act like and treat your body like you care

about it and I’m not saying you have to eat fucking perfect all the time

everybody binges everybody has a bad fucking day everybody eats a little ice

cream or a cheesecake or whatever the fuck they want it’s not wrong to have

these things you don’t have to eat like a perfect diet all the time you don’t

have to work out every single fucking day but for the most of it do you take

into consideration the health of your body do you treat your body like you

love it like you care about it do you care about the well-being of your body

and number eight kind of tags off that so that one is more about sex and

people’s habits for sex someone that loves their self is gonna be aware of

and take into consideration that by having sex with another human being

there is a potential to catch an STD STDs are a real fucking thing they’re

rampant and they’re very prevalent and they’re a lot more common than you

realize but looking out for your health and watching out for yourself and making

sure that someone you’re about to hook up with is clean is important and a lot

of people get mad and like get defensive if you ask their status and if you ask

what STDs they have motherfucker get mad if you want to but you’re entitled to

protect yourself like I will never hook up with someone that has a negative

reaction to me asking their result one and I will never hook up with someone

that doesn’t also ask my results before we hook up like I need someone that’s

just as paranoid as I fucking am because I don’t have nothing and I don’t plan on

catching nothing well nobody does you know but being cautious is the thing

like I’m paranoid I take it to a new fucking extreme but being cautious being

preventative and protecting yourself and your sexual integrity and your sexual

health like that’s a big fucking thing that’s something that is not very

on-trend anymore like people try not to hurt people’s feelings and I don’t know

why all of a sudden it’s offensive to ask someone if they have an STD that’s

their fucking issue to deal with if they’re offended by it you ask ask

anyone before you hook up with them and make sure that they’re disclosing if

they do have anything so that you can protect yourself like you deserve that

and anyone that loves their self is gonna do that they’re gonna take that

into consideration they’re gonna put their self and their health above

potentially hurting someone’s fucking feelings by asking them a are you about

to transmit something to me this is a very touchy topic but it is a huge one

that I felt like I needed to include for the self-love thing because hookup

culture and sex is like no big deal and people are so run by it it’s like

pathetic and I don’t get it I don’t relate to that there’s instances where I

can relate to it we’ve all had a ho phase you know we’ve all fucking slutted

it up but I just don’t get the whole like disregard for your own health

that’s something I really don’t understand I’ve always been very

paranoid I’ve always been very cautious I have had people lie to me about shit

before and they got their motherfucking asses beat but luckily I didn’t catch

anything they caught a beating I caught nothing I’m glad about that like I’m

happy and I’m fucking relieved that I haven’t contracted anything but that’s

something people tend to forget like they forget that STDs are a thing and

everyone’s like oh it’s not gonna happen to me but it’s like bitch it can and

someone that loves their self is not even gonna leave that shit up to chance

they’re gonna take steps to make sure that they’re okay there’s no way to

fully ever know like if you take a motherfucker to the clinic before you

have sex with them and you get them tested sure get a blood test if you’re

ever gonna do that get a blood test but there’s no way you can like actually

fully be sure you know and I get that and I’m not saying you have to take

everyone to the fucking clinic but do take steps to reassure yourself and kind

of put your mind at ease that you’re like putting effort into making sure

that you’re safe because that’s the loving action to make sure you’re okay

to try and protect yourself as much as you can even though you can never fully

like a hundred percent know that nothing’s gonna happen like it’s always

a risk it’s always taking a chance when you have sex or hook up with anyone so

just taking a couple preventative actions and taking a couple like safety

measures and precautions that’s self-loving and before anyone gets

offended about what I just said refucking listen to what I just said and

check yourself because I didn’t say shit that was offensive I didn’t accuse

anybody don’t fucking try it come at me saying people that have contracted

things don’t love their self no bitch that’s not what the fuck I’m saying

don’t even try it not with me so even if it doesn’t seem like it’s cool or even

if you’re scared to hurt their feelings I’m reassuring you right now you are

fully fucking justified and entitled to know the status of your partner before

you fuck them ask for their paperwork ask when the last time is they were

tested and asked to see the fucking results like asked to see it don’t be

shy like fucking do that for yourself you owe that to yourself okay number

nine spending and money okay your budget do you have a budget are you reckless

with your spending habits do you take into consideration the potential

consequences of spending too much money like are you are you just like carefree

just spending whatever the fuck and not caring what happens are you worried

about putting yourself in debt do you take it into consideration do you have

something set up where you know you’re not gonna be in a financial bind which

is a budget you know like do you have like safety money put away do you buy

stupid ass fucking shit you don’t need are you looking out for yourself

financially basically because that’s a self-loving thing to do because fucking

yourself up financially can fuck you up in many aspects of life so that’s

something to definitely take into consideration that most people don’t

think about but yeah having a budget and watching your spending is a

self-loving thing to do because it’s preventing a like a future consequence

of like something negative happening you know like you’re looking out for

yourself all right number ten do you make sure

you’re taken care of this is just the basic one of like do you make sure

you’re taken into consideration do you make sure you’re prioritized do you make

sure that you’re comfortable do you make that important to you and I’m talking

about all kind of shit so do you make sure that you’ve eaten do you make sure

that you have food do you make sure that you’re clean do you make sure that

you’re taken care of in like any aspect you can think of if you pay for

something do you make sure that you get what you pay for or are you just gonna be

like I fuck it if it’s wrong and just deal with it no you need to make sure

you’re getting what you paid for you need to make sure you’re taken into

consideration and that you’re taken care of that’s a really fucking big one okay

number 11 y’all might get mad at this one too but do you do what you tell

yourself you’re going to do are you able to rely on yourself can you trust the

words that come out of your fucking mouth when you tell yourself okay I’m

gonna do XYZ do you do it do you actually follow through with what you

say you’re gonna do do you keep your word to yourself keeping your word is

something that is so much more important than people even fucking realize and

it’s so much bigger of a component to self-trust than people even know so do

you do what needs to be done do you push yourself do you hold yourself

accountable do you do what you say you’re gonna fucking do that’s it

because someone who loves their self would and the self-loving thing to do is

be a person you can rely on for yourself and part of that is doing what you tell

yourself you’re gonna do which is fucking hard sometimes it’s really hard

especially when you don’t feel like it it’s if you say you’re gonna set a goal

of like okay I’m gonna go to the gym for like five days this week are you

actually gonna go do you push yourself to go do you push yourself to do what

you said you’re gonna do do you push yourself to meet your goals even when

you don’t feel like it you’re not always gonna fucking feel like it but are you

able to rely on yourself even when you don’t feel like it are you still gonna

push yourself are you still gonna be there for yourself and do it anyways

all right number 12 and this one is the biggest one of them all do you hide the

truth about yourself because that is the opposite of loving yourself there’s so

many things I can talk about when it comes to that but basically being

authentic do you hide anything about yourself you’re sending yourself the

message that something about you is bad and wrong and is embarrassing and that

it should be hidden that’s not a loving way to focus towards yourself toward any

part of yourself and I had to deal with this when I finally came out and stopped

hiding that I was gay that happened because of this whole self-loving

journey shit ah it’s so frustrating but that’s something that happened as the

result of this because you can’t say you love yourself and be like oh I love

myself me and be hiding yourself at the same time it’s a contradiction you can’t

tell yourself something is bad and wrong about you and feel good about yourself

at the same time any part of you that you feel like you need to hide whether

it’s the vulnerable part of you that’s sad or the part of you that’s scared or

the party that actually doesn’t like something or the part of you that does

actually like something all these parts of you are parts of you and there’s

nothing wrong with them and they don’t need to be hidden like I said turn

toward the attitude of understanding it try to understand why it is the way that

it is try to find a way to accept the way that it is and notice I didn’t say

find approval for it because that’s the next step you first need to accept the

part of you that is what it is or is how it is you need to accept that it is that

way or it is that thing you need to just accept the truth of it first it is

that way not trying to change it not trying to anything just look at it and

find a way to fucking accept it it is what it is it is a part of you then you

can move into the whole like process of approving of it and that’s a whole

different fucking bag of worms I don’t want to open cantaloupes bag of worms

bitch I’m thinking of gummy worms but yes the most loving action you can take

is to stop hiding parts of yourself is to bring the truth of yourself and who

you are to the front and showing it and sharing it with people it’s not

self-loving to hide any part of you so I’m gonna end this podcast off on that I

hope this episode was helpful because everyone was fucking on my ass about the

self-love self-love self only okay here it is

send me your thoughts on Instagram I’ll have my DMS open so you guys can message

me whatever you want I really want to know what you think of this episode my

Instagram is Leo the elbow I’ll put it in the description of this podcast so

you can look it up I’ll also put my tick tocks and all my other shit and my app

too if you want to download my app it’s called positive focus but definitely

send me you guys’s opinion on this episode because this is what I’ve

learned this is some of the shit that I’ve had work for me because I’ve tried

I’ve read over 50 self-help books okay and I still didn’t fucking know what to

do after them and this is the shit that I came up with this is the shit that I

just had to learn from experience and like just figuring it out on my own

because everything else has fucking failed me that’s really what this

podcast is is me sharing what I’ve learned because nothing else goddamn

works so hope it was helpful hope you could take something from it and I hope

this inspires you to start taking more self-loving actions and stop beating

yourself up because you don’t air quote love yourself like bitch it’s a process

it’s a fucking way of life it’s not a goddamn thing you just feel or don’t

feel so thank you for listening if you made it this far I love you all to death

and I will talk to you next Sunday