Aware & Aggravated - 22. Being Insecure & How To Stop

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Hi friends! Today we’re going to talk about being insecure, alright? I’m going to give

you my kind of definition of it, and you know it’s like that feeling, like I’m going to

just go ahead and start this episode off the bat, bitch, we ain’t got no time to waste,

what if we die, you know? Let’s just get into it. So like, there’s a couple different versions

of being insecure, and everyone’s kind of got their own, but like I’m talking about

the insecure feeling of like, you just have something wrong with you, that you don’t know

what it is, where that comes from, and then also feeling insecure with like, all kind

of shit, and what leads to that feeling. I’m not going to give too many tips about confidence

and like how to be more confident, that can be its own episode in itself, but for this

one I want to dig into like the whole topic of being insecure and feeling like you have

something wrong with you, and then how to combat that, and like how to stop doing that.

So in truly old-fashioned, we’re just going to go into how you got fucked up as a kid,

basically. So my whole thing that I’ve learned about feeling insecure was that anytime something

bad would happen to me, I would make it mean that something was wrong or bad about me.

And a lot of times there’s situations where you can’t control what’s going on or you don’t

have an explanation. And when I was younger, I just adopted that. So every time something

would happen, it was just like, oh, it’s my fault. Like, taking accountability, taking

blame for it, shit like that. But also, it was like, oh, it’s because something’s wrong

with me. Like when someone didn’t pick me, or I felt like my parents liked someone else’s

kids more than me, like I would just be like, oh, like there’s just something wrong with

me then, or whatever. But that led into a lot of bad shit. But telling myself it was

about me just became my go-to thought process. Like anytime something bad happened, it’s

like, oh, it’s because of me. Oh, it’s this. Oh, it’s that. There’s just something wrong

with me whenever there wasn’t an explanation. But a lot of the times when I was younger,

I didn’t ask for an explanation. I didn’t know that, like, there was any other explanation

other than there was something wrong with me and that it was my fault. And I know a

lot of people struggle with that. So that’s why I want to open up and dive into this whole

topic with the whole insecurity thing. And I plan to come on here and tell you guys my

theory and what I learned from myself. But I took it a step further, and I googled it,

and I started like researching it and talking to some people. And I realized, this is actually

like a common thing and like a common phenomenon for a lot of people. So when I was younger,

telling myself, oh, there’s just something wrong with me, put the blame on to me. So

like when I didn’t understand why a situation was going on, or something hurt me, or someone

like treated me bad, I didn’t know why they did it. But telling myself, oh, it’s because of

something’s wrong with me or something, I did something wrong, or it’s just me telling myself

that put the responsibility on me. And what that does is gives me a sense of control over the

situation. Because if I’m the issue, I can change, I can figure out what’s wrong with me. And I can

fix it. And then this won’t happen anymore. These bad things won’t happen anymore. People won’t

treat me bad anymore. Because like I’ve mentioned before, like I had a tough childhood with bullying,

and I couldn’t understand why people bullied me and just fucking hated me and wanted to make fun

of me so bad and wanted to like hurt me. So that was a thought process I kind of went for. And

then I turned the blade at myself. And I was like, I’m gonna figure out what the fuck is wrong with

you kid. I was like, we’re gonna figure out what’s wrong with us so that people stop hurting us. And

that right there will make you feel more empowered than facing the reality of people just are

treating me bad, or I don’t have any control over the situation. Like you’re facing powerlessness

when you don’t know what’s going on or someone hurts you or someone does something when you don’t

know why. And you don’t know anything you can do to stop it. That was my only way of claiming a

sense of power and feeling empowered about the situation I was in and the way I was being treated.

And when I said I looked into this, this is a common phenomenon in people that are raped,

and people that are attacked and abused and like beaten. Some rape victims will say, Oh,

it was my fault. I wore a slutty dress. Oh, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have like been nice to

this guy. Oh, it was my fault. I got kidnapped in a parking lot. I should have been more aware of my

surroundings. People that do this are doing the same thing that I was doing. Because it’s easier

to look at the situation like it was my fault, then for someone that’s been raped to look at

the situation and say, Yeah, I was powerless. And someone raped me. That’s a lot harder to face and

accept and deal with. And that will make you like deconstruct your entire sense of safety and

well being in the world and your hope in humanity. Like looking at a situation like you were just

abused, just fucking because like that will fuck with you to try to face that. So a lot of people

do this whole, Oh, it’s something about me, there’s something wrong with me. That’s a common

like, coping mechanism, I guess we could say. But my situation was a little bit different, because

there was no explanation for what was going on with not being chosen, not being treated good,

not being wanted. I just kept saying, Oh, it’s because there’s something wrong with me. There

must just be something wrong with me. I don’t know. And I didn’t have anything to base that off

of. I had no idea what was wrong with me. But I just told myself, Oh, there must be something

because of the way people are treating me. And then that led me to believe that something was

just innately and internally wrong with me. And I’m doomed until I figured it out. And that’s what

led me to fucking myself up and completely losing myself and who I am in any sense of self that I

had from a very young age. So I tried to become everything that everybody else wanted, especially

my parents, you guys see so much range and my personality and range and everything about me,

it’s because I’ve done so much shit, trying to gain approval. And I’ve changed myself in so many

ways. And I’ve become so many different versions of myself. And I’ve just tried so hard to gain

the approval from others, since I can remember that I lost myself. And it got to the point where

I kept telling myself, like when I would become a new version of myself, because I thought that’s

what my parents would want, I would still feel the same, like not prioritized, not really wanted.

And then I would just tell myself the same thing. Oh, it’s just because there’s something wrong with

me. Let me try something else. Let me try something else. And then I got to a point where I was so

frustrated of like, what the fuck is the something else? Like, I don’t know what else to try anymore.

Nothing’s working. So I had to look at the way I was thinking about shit, and telling myself that

there’s something wrong with me. Because that belief served me for a long time, telling myself

that served me for a long time and made me feel better and more empowered about a situation I

could not change. Now I’m able to change it. And then when I moved into this mindset of like,

I do have control, and I can change things. That’s when my belief that used to make me feel

empowered made me feel disempowered. Because now, when something would go wrong, I’m saying now,

but like in the recent past, when something would go wrong, I would just say, Oh, it’s because

something’s wrong with me. And it would make me feel powerless, because I’m like, fuck, like I did

everything right. And there’s just something wrong with me. That’s just holding me back and preventing

me. So I had to reevaluate. And that’s really what it was. I just got up against so much frustration.

And I was trying and it’s like, I had to start looking for other solutions to my problem. I had

to start looking at other shit. And what I mean by other shit is the meanings I was assigning to

situations. So there were some times in my childhood where I keep saying my parents just

because it’s easy to just spit that out. But really anybody in my childhood, my aunt, my uncle,

I was very close with my aunt, like she put herself in my life, and tried to shove herself

in the mom role. And like manipulated me into certain things. Like when you’re a kid, you’re

easily manipulated. And I was very, very attached to my aunt. And then one day I woke up and she had

abandoned me and moved to Pennsylvania. So I’ve had this fucking issue with everyone, even with

friends. Like I’ve said before, in the podcast, I’ve never felt someone’s favorite. I never dated

really, like in school growing up, I never fucking dated until I’m 21. And that relationship was a

goddamn motherfucking shit show, which we will not talk about. But I did have to own up to the way

that I was perceiving situations in the past of like, oh, I’m not good enough. That was also being

clouded by my judgment, because there were situations that were not as personal as I thought.

And I had to own up to that, which sucks. And it’s not easy to do. And it’s kind of painful. But you

have to do it if you want to actually fucking grow and get through shit. But the main thing I want to

say first is the only way out of this and if you have this belief, or if you have a sense of

insecurity, or if you just feel like everything going wrong is has something to do with you,

and it means something is bad or wrong about you, what you need to do is start seeing and looking

for the other possibilities that don’t have anything to do with something being wrong with

you. But I’m going to give you a couple examples of like, straight up real life things that have

happened to me. And then the one breaking point I had where my whole mindset flipped about being

insecure, and feeling like I had something wrong with me, like I had to come face to face with it.

And I’m going to tell you a situation that rocked the shit out of me to make me do that. Okay, so

one of my first small examples, an insecure person, be making every goddamn thing means something bad

about them or just something bad in general, because how I used to be, when like, say I was

texting someone, like I had met someone, and I was texting them, and I was excited to talk to them.

And it’s like, if they were taking a little bit too long to respond, I would start thinking,

Oh my god, they don’t like me anymore. Oh my god, they don’t like me. Oh my god, I’m annoying them.

Oh, fuck, like, I would just start getting really insecure about them even liking me. And I would

start tripping the fuck out just because they wouldn’t text me back. I’d be like, Oh my god,

they don’t like me anymore. They’re they’re ignoring me. Like I would get like that. But then

me now like after growing up and like growing out of that mindset, I’ll throw other possibilities

out to myself like, Oh, maybe they’re busy. Maybe they’re doing something. Maybe they’re in the

shower. Maybe they’re wiping their fucking ass, you know, like you never know what someone’s doing.

So if someone’s not texting you back, don’t automatically catastrophize and be like, Oh my

god, it’s something about me. They don’t like me. Take the me out of it. Start looking for other

explanations that have nothing to do with you. Just stop immediately attacking yourself when

something doesn’t go the way you want. So my next example that’s kind of small is like if you’re

driving down the road, and a car cuts you off. Someone that’s insecure is going to make that

mean something about them like, ah, like they’re gonna take it personal. It’s possible that that

car just spotted you and was like, fuck them. I don’t like them and cut you off. But you don’t

know if that’s the truth. But an insecure person is automatically going to assume that. So what you

need to start doing is looking for Okay, is that the truth? Or could a possibility be that this

person is just in a rush and they’re not looking around. They’re not seeing who’s in their way.

They’re in a rush to get somewhere and they’re just trying to get there. And they’re not worrying

about who’s in their way. And any other car that was in my spot, they would have got cut off to

look for other ways to see situations as not as personal, and as not as like of an attack on you.

Oh, one more little example that happened yesterday. And I’m very conscious of this at the

gym. I read something funny on my phone. And I laughed, like out loud, like I literally laughed

like I was laughing. And this person walking by me, like, look down and got like really insecure.

Because I assume that they thought I was laughing at them. So I pulled my phone up and made sure

they knew I was looking at something on my phone. So from their perspective, if they’re an insecure

person, they’re gonna assume that I’m laughing at them. Because I’m just laughing and insecure

person is going to tell theirself that they’re going to be worried that you’re laughing at them

when you’re actually not. You know what I mean? Like I used to be that motherfucker. Like anytime

someone would look at me funny. I’m like, What the fuck are you looking at, bitch? Like, that’s

what I would think in my head. Or if I was on an insecure day where I was like, sad, I’d be like,

Oh, fuck, what are they looking at me for? Do I look ugly? Do I look bad? yada yada. Like,

it just depended like the mood I was in of how, which way I was going to take it was I going to

get aggressive and secure? Or was I going to get sad and secure and start like nitpicking myself

and being like, Oh my god, do I look okay? Do I look like shit? Is something wrong? But start

looking for things in your environment. Like that guy that thought I was laughing at him yesterday.

Like, if you could have seen my phone in my hand, you could have thrown yourself the possibility.

Oh, maybe he’s laughing at me. Or maybe he’s laughing at something on his phone. He has his

fucking AirPods in. Maybe he’s listening to a funny podcast. Maybe he’s listening to a weird

activity. You get my point. Okay, now I want to move into the fucking riveting realization that I

have the shit that rocked me and like knocked me on my ass. And I literally got this mindset

beat out of me. What happened was with my app. So when I started my app, I was like, okay,

I see what’s on the market. I see the other apps that are like my app that are notification based

and send like positive things. I have the app positive focus. So if you want to download it,

you can I’ll put the link in the description of this. But it’s basically an app for notifications

of like just new perspectives and positive messages to come to your phone every day.

So I wanted to start an app like that. I saw it was on the market. And I was like, I’m gonna top

this easily. Like what I’m about to make and the shit that I could make. And the quotes that I

could share would be so much fucking better. Like this is what I like I could make something that

people actually would feel better with because the notifications I was getting from the other

apps were like weak sauce. They like sucked. And they didn’t really do shit. So I wanted things

that would actually make people think and would actually like help their life. So I was like,

I’m gonna make it so I made the app. And I was trying to get it like out there. I’m like,

obviously, I can see that my app is 10 times better quality of what it’s sharing than these

other apps. And these other apps have like millions of fucking downloads and millions of

users like it was insane. And I was struggling to even get like 100 downloads on my app. So I was

trying all these different avenues of like ways that I could figure out how to gain like awareness

of my app and like get it out there to people. So I was posting about it on my social media,

but I didn’t have near the following that I have now like it was a very small following.

So one thing I was doing was every single day, I was going on to the email lists of different

counselors and psychologists and therapists, and all different cities all over the United States.

And I was sending around two to 300 emails every day to different therapists for two months

straight. And I was sending them an email basically saying like, Hi, just letting you know

that like, I’m the creator of this app. And I’m informing you about it so that you can share it

with clients as a free resource if you want to, like just letting you know this app is available.

Check it out. If you get a chance, let me know your thoughts, yada, yada, like I just offered it

and like made a lot of people aware of it that are in the mental health space so that they could

recommend it to clients and I can help myself grow, you know, like I was trying to be very

smart with the way that I was doing this. And I was just being very genuine. So I was doing that

for two months, I was sending two to 300 emails a day. And my app was not growing. And I was trying

to post about it. I was trying to advertise in other ways. I made a Facebook page, I was paying

for Facebook ads, I was doing everything I was supposed to do, according to the YouTube videos

that I was watching for Facebook ads, but I was not getting shit for fucking like, return on the

ads. So I was getting very, like, hopeless. And I’m just like, God fucking damn, bro. Like,

everything that seems to work for everybody else. I’m doing it times 10. And it’s not fucking

working. Like, holy shit. Like I was running the fuck out of my Facebook ads. And I was sending

the fuck out of some emails to these goddamn therapists and counselors. And my app was just

not growing. Like it just wasn’t cracking any downloads, I was getting so hopeless. And my app

didn’t have anyone upgrade on it for six months. That wasn’t my like, friends or family. So like

they all supported me, but I got no actual like, new upgrades or downloads on my app.

And mind you, I didn’t have excess money to be throwing at this shit. Like I completely

stopped going out and hanging out with friends. I fucking was like a hermit for like, four months.

And I didn’t go out to eat. I didn’t go out to see anybody. And that’s when I like crack down

and lost a bunch of weight is because I had no fucking reason to go out and do shit like I was

okay, if I’m going to eat at home, I’m at least gonna meal prep and eat healthy. So I didn’t

fucking hang out with anybody. I didn’t see anyone. I didn’t fucking do shit. I didn’t spend

money on shit. I didn’t shop. I didn’t eat out. I didn’t buy anything. I wasn’t going out. I wasn’t

buying drinks. I literally was saving as much money as I could. So I could put it into this

fucking app and the Facebook ads. But my whole point with like sending all the emails is like

that’s something that I could do for free. Like I was trying to exhaust everything I could do

for free. Because I didn’t have the fucking money to be throwing at this.

But it seemed like the emails weren’t working. I eventually stopped emailing the counselors every

day because I’m like, this is taking up too much of my fucking time. So I was like, I’m gonna start

getting into Facebook ads and finding ways to really figure out how to do this shit because

clearly learning from these fucking YouTube faggots ain’t working. So I was like, let me

read some books. Let me do some like, let me do a course on advertisement and talk to some people

that are in this space and I can actually learn from it. So I spent some time learning marketing

and advertising, learning Facebook ads. And I still was getting no fucking results. And I was

spending hundreds and like getting up into 1000s of dollars on Facebook ads. And I was getting like

no fucking anything for it. So then I was left in the place of like, okay, I’m doing everything I’m

supposed to fucking do. I’m doing the Facebook shit, right? It’s just not working. For whatever

reason, it’s not fucking working. The therapist thing didn’t work. I sent 1000s of emails over

those two months, and barely any of them got back to me. And nobody like downloaded my app and like,

got it. So I was like, what the literal fuck? Like, I can see logically, I’m doing everything right.

And then that thought came up. Well, Leo, it just must be because something’s fucking wrong with you.

Because I was doing everything that I saw was in my power at the time to achieve the goal that I

wanted. And I was like, well, just for some reason, it ain’t fucking working for you. So you just got

something wrong with you. Like, you knew this since you were little. You like, it’s just been

a thing. So why did you expect it to be any different? And I went into that. And I was like,

bro, what the fuck? Like, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. Like I was at the point

where I was like, no way. I’m like, no fucking way. It’s me, like repelling myself. I’m some

kind of like vibrational repellent from what the fuck I want, like success or whatever. And I was

just like, bro, like I was so frustrated. And it led me to a point of like a fucking meltdown.

And then I started thinking. So I said, okay, the app must not be good enough. So I thought about

adding the journal prompt section to it. And I was like, okay, what are we going to add after that?

And I couldn’t think of anything. Like I made my quotes better. I like added more potent shit.

Like I was trying my best with the damn thing. And then I was okay, I’ll add the journal prompt

section. And then what am I going to do after that? I was like, okay, after I add the journal

prompting section, there is no question of the value of my app. So what does that mean? You know,

like I saw the value of my app in that moment. I was like, once I make these changes,

it’s no longer going to be about the problem of the app. Like, it’s fucking good. And I can

obviously see it’s better than without there. So then I was faced with, okay, if it’s not about me,

something being wrong with me, and it’s not about the quality of my app, because I can clearly see

that it’s great. What the fuck is the issue? So I realized I need to try to find people that are

going to value my app. So I was like, okay, Leo, where are the people that are committed to self

awareness and committed to growth? And I realized in that moment, they’re not on fucking Facebook,

scrolling Facebook all day, where I’m putting my ads. In that moment, I was like, well, damn,

like here I was this whole time, freaking the fuck out. And like, I wanted to just give up,

because I was like, I’m doing everything right. And there’s just something wrong with me. It’s

just not gonna fucking work. Clearly, it’s not working. If I entertained that thought,

and I kept believing that I would have quit. But the fact that I questioned it and came to this

new awareness changed everything for me. Because then I geared my attention toward finding the

people that are committed to self growth. I still don’t know where the fuck to find them. But I’m

doing better than I was. And I’m starting to see a little bit of like a punch up in my app. And I’m

like, finally, like something’s fucking finally working. But it’s taken a lot of time. And it’s

taken like building my Tick Tock audience and making videos and finding the people slowly

that are going to be able to see the value in my app and appreciate it because these losers on

Facebook want the apps that already exist that are just cute little messages that are going to

come to you. They don’t want things that are going to make you think people that are distracting

themselves from their life on social media and just scrolling mindlessly are not the ones that

are going to be able to appreciate the life changing shit in my app. Like they don’t want

to change their life. They want to cope with their life. That’s why they got their phone in front of

their fucking face. And they’re scrolling everything, you know. So that whole situation

really had nothing to do with me as a person or anything being wrong with me at the core.

It was about the way I was going about trying to get downloads and people to use my app. Does that

make sense? So you can lie to yourself and blind yourself from like, the true problem going on,

if you want. But the whole insecure thing kind of like cracked for me in this moment.

And I felt so much more in control. I felt ready to fucking go again. I felt like restarted. It

was like a lawnmower died and you just pulled that fucking string and it just restarted. Here

I go. It’s like I got that refresh and that reboot of like, okay, like I have a whole new perception.

I have a whole new like outlook on this shit. Now I’m ready to go. And it’s made it a lot easier

for me to make things and keep going, knowing that it’s not an attack on me. Every time something

goes wrong, I look for the other possibilities. But something I find funny about this is in the

past, the belief that something is wrong with me made me feel empowered. But now all that belief

was doing was keeping me blind to what was actually in my power and in my control. You know,

just a little thing I wanted to throw in here. Another thing people struggle with a lot. And a

lot of people asked me about is trying to grow their social media and grow their tick tock.

Girl, I don’t know how to work that fucking algorithm. You see me not giving a fuck on

tick tock. I don’t know how it works. I genuinely don’t get it. Like I don’t use sounds. Usually,

I don’t use captions. I don’t use hashtags. I just make a video and throw it up. And it fucking

does what it’s gonna do. I don’t know how that works. I’ve tried to look into it. And it doesn’t

make sense to me. Like, I just don’t give a shit. I’m just like, whatever. And I just go for it.

Because tick tock is very unpredictable. And very like, choosy. I don’t know. I don’t get it. I don’t

know. That’s another situation where you need to catch yourself. And don’t make it mean something

about you. Because you can post a quality ass video, you can post something so funny, or something

so useful and so good. And it just doesn’t pick up on the algorithm for whatever reason. It does

not mean that what you made was bad. It does not mean that what you shared was bad. People just

didn’t see it. People it just for whatever reason didn’t hit the algorithm. It doesn’t mean that

there’s something wrong with you. It does not mean that there’s something wrong with the information

you shared or the video you posted. Because I know a lot of people that post really good content,

and they don’t have a lot of followers. And I’m one of them. Because on my life coach tick tock,

I have like 166,000 followers. But the information I share, I honestly think is 10 times better than

most people that are on there. But I know people that share basic ass cookie cutter fucking

information that have a million plus followers. And I’m like, I know what I’m posting is good.

And for the people that are actually gonna like it, they’ll find it, they’ll find it eventually,

they’ll get to it. And I do what I can, I post every day. But it’s like, it’s helping the people

it’s meant to help. And my content is shit that’s for people that actually want to see their worth,

see their value and see their control. And that’s not always pleasant and nice. The other people

that are really famous are the ones that are like, Oh my god, you should just love yourself.

Oh my god, you’re beautiful. You’re beautiful just the way you are. You need to self care,

you need to take a break, you need to take it easy on yourself. Like they just say that stupid

fucking shit that makes you feel good. Or like the motivation pages. They just say shit for two

seconds that makes you feel good for a minute. And then it does nothing for you. I say shit that

makes you think I say shit that like will change your whole fucking life if you let it. But I no

longer let that affect what I think of my own quality of what I’m posting. Like I know it’s

fucking good. So it’s good. If the algorithm doesn’t pick it up, okay, so be it. If you’re

posting shit, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or something wrong with what

you’re making. The algorithm is fucking weird. It’s a little robot. So don’t tell yourself it

doesn’t like you. It does not know you. It has no personal vendetta against you. It don’t personify

it. Okay, it’s a fucking little algorithm, whatever. But now I’m going to give you an

example about dating and rejection. And when someone doesn’t want you, because it’s very,

very easy to be insecure and try and attack yourself and blame yourself. So when you look at

when you like someone, and they don’t like you back, or they don’t want to be with you. If you

look at that objectively, you do not have to make it mean anything bad about you. You do not have to

attack yourself. Here’s a stupid fucking example, but it’ll illustrate the point and I might do one

that gets a little deeper, but I’m six foot seven. I’m fucking tall. Imagine I like this guy

that’s five foot nine. Okay. And I’m like, Ooh, I like him. I’m really into him. Like, I’m everything

he could want. And I like him a lot. Like he’s fucking cute. I want to be with him. And like,

why would he not want to be with me? Like, I can see all the reasons he would want to be with me,

you know, like, I’d be a great fucking boyfriend. And if this guy comes to me and says he doesn’t

want to be with me, I would ask why one but say he just doesn’t like tall guys. He’s scared of

taller guys. He’s not sexually attracted to really fucking gigantic guys like me. He wants someone

more along the same size as him. That does not mean anything about me. It is simply the fact

that he does not prefer something about me. It does not mean it’s bad. It does not mean it’s

wrong. What someone prefers and what someone likes is their preference. People are allowed

to have their own preferences. It does not mean that he’s attacking me. He’s allowed not to like

tall guys. If he wants a guy his size, that’s totally fine. Same with someone that’s very

outgoing. I’m a very outgoing personality. Some people might not like that. Some people will

prefer someone that’s more of like, introverted and more like a homebody and doesn’t socialize

like me, which is totally valid. Old me would have turned the knife at myself and been like,

you don’t need to be so outgoing. You need to fix yourself. And if another guy didn’t like the fact

that I was tall, I would be pissed that I was tall because I’d be trying to gain the attention

from the person that doesn’t want me based off something I can’t control instead of going directly

for people that would want me for exactly what I have to offer. Like there’s motherfuckers out

there that like tall guys. So if I run across the one short one that I like, but he doesn’t like tall

guys, so he doesn’t want to be with me. Whoopie shit. Like whoopie fucking shit. It doesn’t mean

anything wrong about me. I’m not internally flawed. He just has a fucking preference. Like there’s no

nothing about that. People want what matches their preferences and people value what meets their

needs. So this boy, if he likes short guys has a need of having a short boyfriend. I can’t meet

that need for him. It does not mean I can’t meet other needs for him. It does not mean I’m useless.

That’s just one need that he has that I can’t meet. So it makes us incompatible just because

you can’t meet every need for somebody. It does not mean you’re useless. You just need to find

the people with the needs that you meet. But if you feel the need to go at yourself and change

yourself for someone, that means that you don’t think that there’s more people. You’re operating

from a mindset of lack and that this is the only motherfucker you’ll find that you like. And you

convince yourself this is the only person you could get love from, which is easy to slip into.

But I want to reveal that that’s kind of a reflection of childhood and how shit felt back

then. Because for someone like me, my family and my parents, there is a limited amount. There is a

limited amount of people that cared about me when I was younger. And there wasn’t any go find another

fucking person to take care of you. All I felt like I had was my family. So I was trained with

that lack mindset of like, what you have, you make it work, because there’s no one else that will love

you. And you figure it the fuck out. So like trying to gain approval from my aunt or my dad

or whoever it fucking is, I had one option, which was to change to be what they wanted. And I got

the whole message my whole life that I was fucking useless because I wasn’t able to meet the needs of

certain people. But I didn’t know that there was other people I could meet needs for and that

mindset will follow you until you break it. So if you think the way that I used to, or you relate

to what I’m saying in this, just realize that you are no longer in a house where your options are

limited, where there is only a few people that could care about you. You don’t have to change

for them anymore. You don’t have to change for people anymore. You’re allowed to be yourself.

And I think that’s the biggest gift you can give yourself is to put yourself off the hook for trying

to force every single person to like you and to want you. I get why you did it. But now that you’ve

listened to this podcast, you got to quit it, babe. You got to knock that shit the fuck off because

you’re no longer in a space of lack. There’s so many human beings you could find and access with

needs that you can meet so easily just by being who you are would be enough for them. You just

have to find them. But stop convincing yourself that this one person you like if you’re in a

situation like this is the only motherfucker you’re gonna find because there is plenty more.

So that’s my little point on rejection is just take it in for two seconds. Just hold on. And you

don’t need to change who you are every time someone doesn’t like something about you or they

don’t prefer something about you. Let’s just say that. It’s not that they don’t like you start

looking at it like they don’t prefer this thing. So no matter what it is, whether you got a big

fucking nose, or you have small lips, or goddamn, I’m sorry, baby, if you do. But like, if there’s

just any problem, any like, quirky thing or anything about you, like your personality,

or what you like to do things you enjoy. If someone isn’t okay with the fact that you like

that, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you for liking it. They just don’t prefer that.

And that’s okay. There’s just incompatibility there. If you try to force it and be with them

anyway, that is not going to lead anywhere healthy or good, you will fuck yourself up. Trust me,

I’m speaking from experience, do not try to mold yourself and change into what someone else wants,

go and find the people that want exactly what you have. And I’m someone that was like, where the

fuck am I supposed to do that for so long. And then I made a tick tock, and I started fucking

around. And like I said, I just started being myself. And people loved me just for being me.

And I started my podcast and people enjoy me and enjoy hearing what I have to say,

just to hear what I have to say, because it helps them. Like I’ve finally found some people that

get me and appreciate me for exactly who I am. Now, if I would have spent my time and energy

trying to fix myself and be everything everybody else wanted me to be, I wouldn’t have found you

guys, because I wouldn’t have been spending the time and energy I’ve spent trying to find you

and putting myself out there so that you guys could find me. I’m sure you can think of a ton

of other examples of how this kind of applies. But these are the ones that I’ve got. And I hope

this episode was helpful. And I hope you guys learn something. Because this is the thing that

helped me with my whole insecurity thing. Like just look for the other possibilities that don’t

mean anything bad about you. When you feel negatively about something, or you feel hurt

by something, that is your signal to question everything you are telling yourself in that

moment. That’s the time when you get to reflect and figure out all these things that you’re telling

yourself that are hurting you. That’s when you get to question it. So use the hurt as an alarm bell

to call yourself out and question what the fuck you’re telling yourself. This is one of the most

healing things I’ve ever done for my relationship with myself, one, and one of the most healing

things I’ve ever done for my relationships with other people, because I’m no longer fighting for

the attention of people that don’t want me. I’m no longer trying to prove my worth to people that

don’t want me. Like if you don’t see me, if you don’t want me, bye. Go ahead and go on somewhere

because I know there’s somebody that is. Like once you see that you are valuable, and you are able to

meet needs for people, when people don’t appreciate you, it’s gonna piss you off. Because you’re gonna

be like, then get the fuck away from me then, loser. I know it sounds like a little hateful,

but it is. Like if someone doesn’t see who I am, bye. You have no clue. You can’t even fathom

how much you would benefit from having me in your life, and that’s okay. I’m not gonna sit here and

prove it to you, because I’m not gonna waste my time on someone who doesn’t even see what I have

to offer. I’m gonna go give that to someone that’s deserving, and does see what I have to offer, and

does appreciate me. So yeah, that’s my two cents. If you like this podcast, I just have one request,

and it’s that you go leave me a five-star rating. Thank you so much. If you want to keep up with me,

all of my social media will be linked in the description of this podcast. Also, if you are

interested in one-on-one coaching with me, I have now created an application process, so it’s no

longer just free to schedule. I’m doing applications now to keep up with the demand, because it just

got too high. So now I’m screening people basically to see who’s a good fit and who’s not, because I

want to work with action takers. I want to work with people that are serious about transforming

their life, because the shit that I say, y’all know, that’s what it’s for. And where I specialize

is with the people that have been looking for answers they can’t find, and the people that have

been trying shit, and it’s just not working. I’m the person that those people can go to.

So if you’re interested in that, I will put the link to the application in the description box

also, and I want to make it very clear that you’ve already got what it takes to get through what

you’re dealing with, or to improve your life, or to reach your goals, and I’ll help you see that.

And it’s going to be a lot easier when you got me in your corner, because that’s exactly how I want

it to feel. I want it to feel like you have someone that has your back, and like I’m in your corner,

because that’s what it is. Like I’m there for you, and I’m there to do shit with you. But anyways,

thank you so much for listening. Please stay safe and take care of yourself,

and I will talk to you next Sunday.