Hi friends, I did it. I’m in Houston. I fucking moved. I actually
Full-blown ass did the shit. I ran away and I made it and I’m safe and I’m so
Happy I fucking did this. I hope I don’t sound echoey because my closet is fucking
Huge and I’m not trying to sound like a pretentious asshole, but like y’all my closet is massive
I just don’t make no fucking sense. It’s about as big as the damn living room
As you can hear a cat came with me, but let me start off let me fill you in
Let me fill you in real quick. So I got the apartment that I wanted
Yeah, cats happy about it
everything’s gone fucking like
Good with that
But everything else has gone fucking wrong like every little thing that can go wrong has gone fucking wrong
I’ve been here for
Six days now still don’t have fucking Wi-Fi
They tried to set it up and the wiring in my wall is bad
So they have to send a technician out from the apartment complex to repair the wiring in the wall run new wiring
Then the AT&T guy has to come back out and set up my Wi-Fi and I’m just like motherfucker
Because I have to use AT&T. I can’t use nobody else. Like there’s some contract with the apartment, whatever
That’s just the beginning of my fucking struggles. If you’ve been following me on Instagram, I’ve vented on my story about everything going wrong
I just want to do a fucking live so bad on tik-tok and just like
Shoot my shit and like share as much as I can, you know, like I’d like to provide value
I like to be of use and it’s like I can’t do that because my service is not strong enough and then my neighbors Wi-Fi
Doesn’t reach to my apartment. So like I can’t even use her shit. Her name is Amanda. She’s real sweet. She’s cute
But yeah, everyone’s been saying it’s a mercury retrograde and I kind of like don’t believe in that shit
But I kind of do now I’m like yeah now I’m like there is no other explanation
Like I thought I got hexed and y’all know that I swore off like witchcraft and all that type shit
So I like pulled my box of witchy shit out. Yeah, I brought it with me. Of course I did
I didn’t bring no furniture
I brought clothes and cat and I had something just told me to bring my little box of like my witchy supplies and I sure as
Fuck did and I needed them already. Like I had to test if I had been hexed. I have not been hexed
So it must just be the fucking stars being out of alignment
Mr. Mercury registry great because the amount of shit that’s gone wrong is like
Unparalleled and I’m not kidding. Shut the fuck up cat, please. Oh
My god, like I don’t know how to I don’t want to lock her away like outside of the closet, you know
Cuz I’d feel bad like she’s she’s struggling with like adjusting like she’s adjusting
But she’s like being a little fucking weird and she’s being a little needy
I am all over the place with this podcast, but I do have some points
I want to make I’ve had some pretty big realizations moving so far
And I’m gonna do a full podcast episode next week on
Inspiration I think and like self-discipline kind of I’m gonna kind of touch on that
But I think that’s gonna be next week’s episode
But for this week’s episode, I want to talk about like some realizations
I’ve had and just some fucking shit
So I want to start off with the one that I had around finding furniture
And if you listen to last week’s episode, you know the hassle with the goddamn fucking couch
Actually had someone reach out to me and said to call corporate like restoration hardware corporate and see if they could honor it and
Give me the couch at the price that they had it advertised and I had a little hope like I had a little hope again
And I was like fuck it. I’ll call them but I only was gonna call them because
I’ve tried to find other couches and I just don’t fuck with any of them
So I was like, alright, let me just go get the one. I know that I want
Let me just try I call corporate like one of the fucking Karen’s. I’m like, hi
so everybody at the other store keeps dicking me around and I need some help like I need to figure out like I
Need someone higher up to step in and like give me some guidance and help me with the situation
Basically, they told me to go fuck myself and they said no the price is what it is
So the couch is not happening. The cloud couch is not mine. It will never be mine. It’s fine. What the fuck ever? Okay
So this sent me on a fucking hunt to go find new furniture and I needed three things when I moved in
So I bought a mattress in a box so that I could put it in my car and move it
I got that I threw it on the floor. I’m doing great with that
I needed a desk and a chair because I had awareness appointments and like coaching calls set up and scheduled for
Thursday when I moved in on Monday, so I had three days to go find all my shit
Which was I thought was plenty of time. No
So I ordered my desk before I even left Pensacola
To make sure that I would get here on time and it wasn’t a cheap desk. It was like 650 bucks
It was the adjustable one like a tall one that goes like standing and sitting from Wayfair. It was white. It was pretty
It was simple and it came with the fucking crack up the middle. So
My desk was fucked
I couldn’t find any more desks that I liked running around to all the furniture stores and none of them could be delivered that quick
And I couldn’t find a fucking chair that I liked on marketplace
Like I was like, I’m not paying like 300 bucks for an office chair eat my ass
I’ll go find one on marketplace for like 80 bucks 100 bucks, whatever it is and
The ones on marketplace are just not it like for what I just caught a bad timing I guess
With like I’m not finding shit on marketplace
I’m not finding a fuck thing and if I do it’s like four hours away
I go to Goodwill and I buy the chair that I’m sitting in right now as I’m recording this
And it was 15 bucks and it was it’s fucking great
I actually like it a lot like I got it just to get myself by but I actually really like this chair
There was two of them and I wish I bought the other one too because they’re in like really good condition
Whatever besides the point I needed three fucking things
My strain of luck has been very bad, but my whole point about finding furniture is I needed three fucking things
And I couldn’t find the three fucking things to save my life
So I’ve gone into a lot of stores and I’ve looked at a lot of shit and I’m someone that I don’t like
Things that I don’t love like if I don’t love something I’m not buying it
I will not fucking have it in my home if I don’t love it and that poses an issue because
My taste is very specific
And I’m very like picky in particular with what I like and don’t like so it’s a little bit hard to find shit that I’m
Willing to buy and I went to like a lot of fucking furniture places. I went to Ikea which was fun
I went to Ashley furniture. I went to like the little ratchet like
Furniture for less places gallery furniture. I went to all like the cheap furniture places
cheap ish places and also like the
Upper there kind of places not a restoration hardware
But like I went to all ranges of furniture stores
And I could not find a motherfucking thing that I liked and I was just like goddamn
but my whole realization around all this shit Leo get to the fucking point is
I’m looking for something special like I need things that are very specific and very particular and are fucking good
And I don’t typically like what everybody else likes. I don’t like anything in Ikea
I don’t like the shit that other people like I don’t have normal taste
But I kept going
Where normal people go and I kept going to places that have the furniture for people with normal taste
And I kept getting frustrated because I’m like why the fuck can’t I find anything?
It’s because I’m looking in the wrong fucking place
Like I’m not gonna find special in normal places and then that unraveled a full fucking realization about everything
About people about furniture about places about literally that realization just like cracked my brain open and I went to town like it
I was just like whoa
Like all the things I started to realize
About that like you can’t find special in normal places
And if you keep trying to look for special things in normal places, you’re only ever gonna find normal
So what I have to do is look at what’s in my control and that is where I’m going
So if I want special I got to go try and find places where there are special things like I love antique shops
I love Goodwill because it has like antique II type shit if you can find like things in good condition
but I really really love antique shops because they have the shit that I’m looking for and I love just going around and
Looking in antique shops like I’m someone that can appreciate the life of something
so like I see a piece of furniture or I see something and
I think about like who had it before and like the situation that this was like used because I bought some shot glasses from
Goodwill and they were like fancy schmancy fucking like with a stem like they look like a champagne glass
But they were shot glasses like they had like a little stem on them and I was like, oh my god
This is so fucking cute
But like I just wonder like the party that those were used that I don’t even know if they are shot glasses
I’m just running my mouth, but I’m gonna use them as shot glasses. I got three. That’s all they had
But I just wonder like oh, what was the story behind that’s like I try to picture like oh
What did it look like when these glasses were in use like in their prime, you know?
Like I just love thinking about shit like that. I love things with like a little past a little history
I love things that don’t fit the era of now because
There is no fucking vibe of like the
2020s like it’s fucking gross. I like shit from the 90s and the 80s and like
Early 2000s, you know, like I just I like things with a little story. I like things with a little life before me
Just not people. I don’t want nobody I date to fucking have no life before me
I don’t want you to have dated nobody before me
But my furniture and my cups can have a life before me. That’s it. Let’s get clear on that
But yeah
That also like rocked my shit about like finding a partner or like dating or like trying to find friends
You can’t look for special people in normal places
You can find people anywhere but your chances of finding them are very low like me finding someone that’s actually worth the fuck on tinder
Not happening, you know
So just put yourself in the places where you can find what you’re looking for be strategic and like if you’re gonna put your effort
Into trying to find something make sure you’re putting your effort looking into places
That have a higher chance of you getting what you want
Okay, so my next realization is just like my personal thing and I’m gonna kind of vent for a second
so when I’m down and life or like I’m just down and I’m sad or whatever I
Find people on social media and I kind of like attach myself to them and I will stalk their shit like every day
I just look forward to their videos and I’m so happy and I consume everything they put out just because I’m so like obsessed
With them and I look at them as like my new friend and when I’m like lonely, I’ll put on their podcast
I’ll put on their videos. I’ll do whatever just like have them talking in the background
So like I don’t feel alone, you know, but I do this a lot with people but something that I fucking hate
It’s when I’m in like a low point and this person I find is also in like a low point
and then they get a bunch of followers and they get a bunch of money and they move away and they like start over and
They’re like doing great now because I’m still like sad or in the same spot that I was in and like you just left bitch
Like what like I feel kind of like left behind when that happens
I know that’s kind of weird
but I don’t know if anyone relates but people have said that my podcast is like their comfort thing and I know exactly what it’s
like to be on the opposite side and
Need someone for comfort. So like it makes me really happy that I am not for people
But I just wanted to reassure you that I have not changed. I’m not rich
I have not moved away and leveled up like I’m
Doing okay. I just want to reassure you. I’m very much still the exact same person. I have not left you
I’m never gonna leave you and I hope you don’t feel like anything’s changed except my surroundings
Like I genuinely hope you still feel connected to me because when people that I follow at these times
Like when they move and like do things different
I feel like they change so much and not in like a good way because I feel like they’re not relatable anymore
Like I just don’t relate to them because they’re not in the place that I was and we all have to change we all have
To grow but I just want you all to know like no matter what I grow into
I’m still always gonna be the same person at heart. So you’re safe to feel like
attached to me and come along for the ride like you are never gonna lose me like who I am at the core is who
I am at the core and that’s never gonna change and
That leads me into my next realization bitch is there is no rules for life
There literally is you can do whatever you want at any moment
I just got up and ran the fuck away and nobody stopped me. Nothing stopped me
Like I’m totally okay to do that. I’m totally okay to change my life at any fucking second
I’m totally allowed to do anything
I want if I
Wake up and I want to go to a fucking sex shop
I can if I want to go completely run away again and move away again
I can actually I just signed this fucking lease, but I can’t break it and leave so I can move
But I’m not going to
But my point is like there’s no rules for life. There’s no structure until you add it
So like when you think about like going to school when you were younger, that’s the first time you were really like
Shown structure and how things are supposed to go and you were given rules
You were given expectations of like this is what your life is supposed to look like
It’s like you wake up you go to school you this you that whatever
but that kind of like sticks with you until you break that mental mold and
When I was living with my dad I
Was on this weird routine of like my day
Ended when he got home from work
So it was an unspoken fucking thing
Like when I was younger, it was like have your ass home when I get home and it was just like an understood thing
But it never stopped because I never stopped it in my own brain
Like I just knew at five o’clock every day when he got home my day ended
So when he left at 8 a.m
I would wake up and start my day and I would be so rushed and I would be so like flustered trying to get everything
done
it’s because I knew my day like air quote ended at 5 and what I mean by ended is like
I’m at the house now and if he needs something I have to be there like he would just ask me for random ass shit
And like I would have to be there to help him because he doesn’t like
Understand like the computer. He doesn’t understand Wi-Fi
He doesn’t understand most shit like cooking like I’d have to like basically help take care of him, you know
Like but I’d have to be there at the drop of a hat
So it’s like he’d be fine for a couple hours and would all of a sudden need something and like I would have to go
Help him that never ended that never stopped
so like I looked at my day as like my day ends at 5 when he gets home because it’s like then I
Can’t sit down and just focus on anything like I have to be there and like be willing to jump up and help him if
He needs something cuz he’s not the type to sit around and like wait if he asks you to help him
It’s like get the fuck up now and do it and I’m living in your house rent-free
So I can at least give you that, you know
But that fucked me because I didn’t want to record my podcast when I was at home
I didn’t want to do coaching calls when I was at home
So like I just had to live my life very like structured and like set in that time
But after moving out my day doesn’t fucking end. I can literally do whatever I want whenever I want and that freedom
I can’t explain to you. Like I literally live alone
I can do whatever that I’ve walked around naked every fucking day just because I can with the blinds fucking open cuz I don’t give
A fuck if my neighbors see me look at my dick. I don’t care. I literally don’t give a shit
I’m just having so much fun and I feel so fucking free and I know I just made it seem like I
Was really like structured and like my parents were strict and all that but like living with my dad
I wasn’t like not allowed to leave
I just knew like I want to try and be there for him if I have to be you know
I mean like I would still go out and do shit if I wanted to go do shit at night
but what I meant was like my life inside the house ended like at 5 so like my
Day stopped and I had to like be there to take care of him if I wanted privacy if I wanted to go work
On editing shit on my computer. I had to go to a coffee shop because he’d fucking need something
I’d have to jump up and quit what I’m doing. I don’t have that structure anymore. I don’t have shit
I don’t have guilt. I don’t have nothing worrying about anybody else. I literally worry about me
I can do whatever I want whenever I want and I keep saying that because I’m just so fucking like
Shocked by it. Like I’m so happy about it. And I’m just like what the fuck literally
I can leave something on the counter and it doesn’t move. It doesn’t go anywhere
I can leave my shit wherever I want to leave it and not have that
Thing in the back of my head of like oh fuck is that gonna be thrown away when I get back?
Is that gonna be moved?
Like all my shit just stays where I leave it
Because my dad was bad about that
He would throw shit away if he didn’t know what it was or like he would just move shit and I’m like don’t fucking touch
it
but yeah, like there’s so much freedom that comes with living on your own and like moving out and it’s like the realization cracked of
like
you’re free and
That’s what life to like even living with my dad like you’re so free. You just convince yourself. You’re not you convince yourself
You have to be
Structured and you have to do things a certain way like so like when I was in school
I was very like structured around my bedtime. So like I knew I couldn’t do
Things if I had school the next day, like I couldn’t stay out late. I couldn’t do XYZ. Like I just had to be very
Proper to make sure like I was good to go to school the next day and that never left me
Like other people go out and get fucked up on a Sunday and they’re hungover on Monday
I’ve never been fucked up on a Sunday
Like at night because I know I have like work or school the next day like what like I’m not gonna
Do that shit, you know what I mean?
like I just I had that around myself for so long and I was so shocked when people didn’t have like
Boundaries basically set up for their self like they were just free and they felt free to do whatever they want whenever they wanted
And like they didn’t care that they had work or school the next day like they wanted to go get fucked up and have fun
but like me on Sunday night if I have a call in the morning like if I have a fucking a
Coaching call in the morning on Monday morning. I don’t do shit Sunday night. Like I’m done
I’m in the house and I’m ready to like go to bed at 8 p.m
Like I don’t go to bed at 8 p.m
But my point is like I’m not out doing anything like my day ends and I’m ready to like
Schedule the next day, you know
I mean
like I just
locked myself into that because I had done it so long from like being in school and then I did it in nursing school and
I did it when I was nursing. I want to make sure I’m able to function the next day
So I make sure like I don’t do anything but that kind of like fucks me because when I have coaching calls
In the middle of the week, it’s like I feel so anxious for the next day
I’m like, oh my god, like I need to like go to bed. I need to like have everything ready
It’s like girl at 7 p.m. You’re fine, you know, but that was my whole point
you put like these restraints on yourself or at least I do and I have for so long of
Like you have to do this you have to do that and it’s like actually you don’t I
Don’t actually have to like I’m choosing to because I want to be like energized and well rested for my calls the next day
So I behave accordingly so I can ensure that’s gonna happen
But like that’s just me in my own head like that’s what I’m doing to myself and I’m choosing to do it
I don’t have to do that. But that was a really big realization
I went to the gas station the other night and there was these guys sitting on the curb and they had a little speaker and
They were just playing music and they were just sitting there
Chilling on a Thursday night just playing music at the gas station at like midnight and they were just fucking
Chilling and relaxing and just enjoying life and that I fucking love. I wish I
Could do that, but my brain would not let me like I have so much I need to do to get like moved in and
There’s so much I want to do for like my businesses and my coaching site and my social media
Like I want to change everything. I want to amp it up and like put a lot of energy into it
and I
Don’t let myself like rest and like kind of chill or take it easy because I want
To make these fucking changes like it won’t get out of my head
Because I need to like up this shit so I can make an income to like consistently pay my bills because right now I’m just like
fingers crossed praying
This shit works out but like I know it’s in my control and I’m gonna do what it takes to make it work out
But like just looking at the guys on the road
Like they were homeless guys and they were just chilling with their little speaker and like
They don’t have a job to get to in the morning
Like they’re truly free like they’re just chilling at the fucking gas station enjoying the music and just enjoying themselves
They weren’t the annoying almost people that like come up and hassle you they literally were just sitting there
Enjoying their fucking self having a good time and I admired their ability to do that so much and I was just like wow
Like it that’s another thing that triggered this realization was like they don’t have to do anything tomorrow
Like they don’t have to go to work. They don’t have to do
Anything they don’t want to do they have nothing they have to go to they have nothing scheduled and they’re fully free
Like their day is literally whatever they want it to be, you know, like I know they have certain restraints
I get it. I understand that there’s like certain things you can’t do if you’re homeless, but
There are certain things you don’t have to do that make sense
There’s certain things there’s certain stresses you don’t have if you’re homeless
You don’t have to go work a job to pay bills
You don’t have to do a lot of things like that pressure is gone off them
and I just admired them for a second because I was like
that’s fucking nice like them just getting to fully relax and just
be oh
That’s a skill I need to build that’s a skill I need to work on but like I can’t do it when there’s so much
I want to achieve because I have this weird sense of like
Leo what if you die and you don’t get to like offer as much value to the world as you wanted to before you die
so I’m not letting myself sit down until
I’ve got myself
Somewhat stable and I think that’s fair. But yeah
That was my realization around that. So my last one and
This one’s kind of fucking
Weird so hang with me. I’m gonna do my best to explain it. The unknown is good
So everybody’s so scared of the unknown and everybody’s so fearful about the unknown
But it’s like no one’s really scared of the unknown
You’re scared of what you project into it and I get that like you’re scared of what you think is in the dark
You’re not actually scared of the dark. You’re scared of what you think could possibly be in there
You’re scared a little monster that you’re thinking is like in the corner looking at you. Someone’s about to touch you
Oh, it’s like what you think is in the dark is why you’re scared of the dark
So what you think is in the unknown is why you’re scared of the unknown. The unknown is not actually bad. It’s just uncertainty
Humans don’t do well with that and I know that but my version of like the unknown is good is
If I knew
What it was gonna take to get me to where I am now if someone had laid it out in front of me. I
Would have been like fuck. No, I’m not doing that. Fuck that shit
You know like when you don’t know what you’re about to face
Before you start walking down a path
It’s better because if you knew what was gonna happen
You probably wouldn’t walk down it anyway
Like for me to move out if I knew it was gonna be this much of a fucking headache
I don’t think I would have stopped but I definitely think I would have hesitated and I would have been a lot less
Optimistic because I would have been like, okay. This shit is just gonna go wrong
Consistently and I’m gonna freak the fuck out mentally for a bit and it’s gonna be a big fucking adjustment
Like I if I knew that was all gonna happen and every little fucking
Micro-detail was just gonna fuck up and every little thing that could go wrong was gonna in fact go wrong
I would have definitely hesitated and I would have definitely looked at this situation as like a drag instead of like, oh my god
I’m excited because I just didn’t know what was coming, you know
Same thing with my app like if I knew I can 100% say this if I knew
What I was gonna go through with starting my app positive focus I would not have started it
I absolutely would not have started it because it’s still one of my biggest disappointments like I put
20 fucking grand into that goddamn thing and it’s not even bringing in like four or five hundred bucks a month
But it’s like not even that it’s not even that it’s not even bringing in shit. It’s like
The amount of headache I’ve gone through and the things that I’ve like had to deal with with it
It’s not even like oh
You learned so much Leo
It’s like I just look at it like it’s fucking headache cuz I’m good at seeing situations like oh, I learned this from it
I can take this away, but
With my app. It’s just been fucking
Little inconveniences and little headaches out the ass and it’s just been disappointment after disappointment
And I’m just so like god damn. There was a lot of realizations. I had around it and trying to grow it that
Shifted my mindset a lot, which I’m grateful for but I can fucking learn that shit somewhere goddamn else
I didn’t need to fucking go through what I went through with that like I still I’m in the phase where I’m like
I’m just so hopeless around it. You know like I’m just like alright. I guess I’m gonna try advertising again
I guess I’m gonna try talking about it more, but I’m just like fuck like I’m just so beat up and exhausted with that one
That if I could go back
That’s one thing that I would say like if I could tell what was gonna happen
I wouldn’t have done it because I started it in a place where I felt so hopeless
And I felt like I needed something to save me, and I thought it was gonna save me and it did it
So that’s what I mean by disappointment after disappointment like it’s that app like well like I can’t
But now that I have done it
I’m happy I’m kind of happy that I have done it because I know what’s gonna go in the future
But I’m saying given where I was at the time and what I was hoping for I wouldn’t have done it
But now that I’ve done it, and I am where I am now. I’m like okay. I’m kind of happy I did it, but
Now let’s see what happens going forward with it like I’m still a little hopeful
I’m gonna be honest like there’s a tiny sliver of like hope that it could like
Turn into something, but I don’t think it will be quick
I don’t think it will be like fast, and that’s kind of like
Where I mean, I don’t think I would have done it, and that’s just what I’m having to live with
But does that make sense like if you could have like a play-by-play of
what was about to happen for whatever experience you are about to like embark on would you still do it and
That’s why I’m like no like if I knew what I was gonna have to go through with so many things
I don’t think I would have done them like if I knew what was actually gonna happen
I think it would have stopped me
I think I would have been like no I could think of a better way and then tried something different
But that this is the road. I meant to go down so I my new appreciation for the unknown. It’s like thank God
Thank fucking God. There’s the unknown because a lot of shit would have stopped me
And I would not have made it as far as I have and I have not I would not have done as many things as
I have done had I known the disappointment that was gonna fucking come from them
You know like I learned a lot sure, but I’m glad there’s uncertainty now
Because it makes me a lot more willing to do the shit that it takes
to
Make something succeed like with social media if I knew it was gonna be so much of a fucking headache like
God damn like I don’t think I would have been ready for it
But if I would have been looking at the big picture of like these are all the things that are gonna happen
And this is where you’re gonna be for the next year and a half. I would have been like god damn
But the fact that I just blindly went into it which I had to there is no certainty
I just blindly had to go into it, and I just faced each problem as they came up in front of me
I was able to keep going that’s really it because I didn’t see the big picture
I didn’t see that the little inconveniences were gonna keep going so every time I faced one
I just like faced it and kept moving faced it and kept moving
I wasn’t in the back of my head like oh
You’re gonna do all this for the next year and a half and you’re only gonna get this far
You know like that’s my thing
I would be discouraged if I had to see everything I was gonna face at the beginning
So that’s my big realization around that and why I no longer want like predictability and certainty
I do at some extent like I do want to be able to predict certain things like good things
I want to be able to predict certain outcomes
but I don’t want to know about everything that’s gonna happen on the way there because I’d rather just face it when it happens instead of
Know it all to begin with cuz grab would fucking not do it. That would avoid that shit like the plague
So yes, those are my realizations friends so far
There’s been a couple more, but I just don’t feel like getting into it like I’m really just like what the fuck ever
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If you want to keep up with me all of my social media will be linked in the description of this podcast
Also, if you are interested in one-on-one coaching with me, I have now created an application process
So it’s no longer just free to schedule. I’m doing applications now to keep up with the demand because it just got too high
So now I’m screening people
Basically to see who’s a good fit and who’s not because I want to work with action takers
I want to work with people that are serious about transforming their life because the shit that I say y’all know
That’s what it’s for and where I specialize is with the people that have been looking for answers
They can’t find and the people that have been trying shit, and it’s just not working
I’m the person that those people can go to
So if you’re interested in that I will put the link to the application in the description box also
And I want to make it very clear that
You’ve already got what it takes
To get through what you’re dealing with or to improve your life or to reach your goals
And I’ll help you see that and it’s gonna be a lot easier when you got me in your corner because that’s exactly how I
Want it to feel I wanted to feel like you have someone that has your back and like I’m in your corner because that’s what
It is like I’m there for you, and I’m there to do shit with you
But anyways, thank you so much for listening. Please stay safe and take care of yourself, and I will talk to you next Sunday