Aware & Aggravated - 45. How To Trust Yourself

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Hi friends! So this week I want to talk about trusting yourself. And we’re gonna

start off talking about how to actually repair the relationship with yourself

and how to actually trust yourself. And then I’m gonna dive into learning how to

trust your own judgment so that other people’s opinions don’t fuck with you.

I’m gonna teach you my tricks that I’ve found for that. Because a lot of people

be hurting my goddamn feelings all the time. Well they used to. Now I’m

impenetrable. You can’t hurt my goddamn feelings. So I’m gonna give you all my

hacks and all my little cheat sheets for that. And then at the end I have three

scenarios for what would Leo do. And that’s where you guys write in and you

ask for advice on your situation or whatever you’re going through. So it’s

like what would Leo do? I give you advice on how I would handle what you guys are

going through. Like my little hot take on your situation. So that’s coming at the

end. But first we got to talk about trusting yourself. And the first thing I

want to do is flip your perspective around this for a second. Because a lot

of people are like well how do I trust myself? Like you don’t know what to

fucking do. Because that’s where I was for so long. Y’all I’m never making fun

of you. Okay? Because I used to be that motherfucker. But the way that I can flip

this perspective for you and the thing that helped me the most was looking at

okay if you want to trust yourself and you don’t really know how to go about it

look at what would it take for you to trust someone else. Like what would

someone else have to do? How would they have to behave? How would they have to

treat you in order for you to feel like you can trust them and rely on them? This

is gonna give you a whole new awareness about how you need to fucking behave

towards yourself. Alright? And it’s not gonna be fun. It’s really not. It’s gonna

become like a full-time job for you to repair your relationship with yourself

if you’re someone that doesn’t trust themselves. So it’s a lot but it’s

manageable. And what I tell you in this episode is gonna help you a whole bunch.

But don’t get overwhelmed. But like you do have to understand you are in a

relationship with yourself. And you have a relationship to everything. You have a

relationship to money. You have a relationship to food. You have a

relationship to friends. You have a relationship to your job. You have a

relationship to having relationships. Everything in your life is about

relationships. So that’s realization number one. But that’s the main thing

that I do when I coach people one-on-one is I repair their relationships with

different areas. So some people need their relationship with themselves

repaired. Some people need their relationship with money repaired or

their joy or their feelings. Like there’s so many relationships that you need to

acknowledge and fix in order to notice a difference. But the main point I want to

hit on for saying what would it take for you to trust someone else and then

flipping that towards yourself. If someone made a promise to you, you would

want them to keep it no matter what. You wouldn’t feel like their excuse was

worth shit if someone came to you and was like, oh I went back on my word or I

didn’t do what I promised I was gonna do to you because I didn’t feel like it.

Because I was upset. Because I was this. Because I was that. You’re gonna start

being able to weed through a lot of your bullshit fucking excuses because you

wouldn’t be comfortable with someone breaking a promise to you for something

small. They best have a big fucking reason. They best have something

substantial to give you as explanation for why they didn’t keep their promise

to you or you’re not gonna trust them. So that’s step one is you got to be able to

like call yourself on the bullshit excuses you give yourself and stop

giving yourself excuses. So if you make a promise to yourself and you say you’re

gonna do something, think of what would I be okay with someone else breaking this

promise to me and what would I not? Like what would not be a valid excuse for

someone else to break this promise? And that will kind of give you a guide of

like how to call bullshit on yourself. Like because you didn’t feel like it, you

was tired, okay? You didn’t do what you said you were gonna do because you were

tired. You didn’t eat clean because you were hungry and you just gave in to the

way that you felt and you just discarded a diet. You said fuck that, fuck eating

healthy, fuck your fitness goals and you just ate how you wanted. If you agreed to

be somewhere at a certain time but you’re just like, eh, like you didn’t

prioritize your time good enough. Like there’s no excuse really. So my tip with

keeping promises to yourself basically is just look at when I am about to not

do something I told myself I was gonna do, would I accept that excuse from

someone else? So the next part of trusting yourself more comes to when you

fuck up. Like when you say you’re gonna do something or you say you’re gonna

behave in a certain way towards yourself or like whatever it is you make a

promise and you break it, you have to make up when you fuck up. So if you do

something against what you said you were gonna do, what would you expect

someone else to do that hurt you or broke a promise to you? You would expect

them and would hope that they would put effort into fixing whatever damage they

caused or put effort into showing you that they care that they hurt you or let

you down. You’d want someone to show effort. So when you fuck up with yourself,

show yourself by putting in effort to make up for it. Like if you fuck

something up, make up for it. Like make it up to yourself that you fucked up.

Because when this happens there’s two parts of you. It’s like if you have a

goal, there’s part of you that wants that goal more than anything and then there’s

part of you that’s like, like I guess, like I want it too but like I want to do

other shit too. That’s like conflicting with what it’s gonna take to get you

there. So if you do fuck up and you don’t do what it’s gonna take to get you to

that goal, there’s part of you that still wants to get there and feels betrayed by

you. But if all you do is just comfort this part and tell yourself, oh it’s okay

that you fucked up, oh it’s alright, it’s fine, you have to stop comforting

yourself when you fuck something up that you want. Because you’re basically

comforting this part and saying it’s okay that you just betrayed this part

that needs you to get to where it wants to go. Parts work is a very tricky thing

but I hope this is all making sense because it makes sense in my brain but

I’m trying to formulate it into words and it always is like a little different.

So like I said, when you do something that you know you weren’t supposed to

fucking do, if all you do is comfort yourself and tell yourself it’s okay,

it’s fine, you’re basically saying it’s okay that you just betrayed yourself and

what you said you were gonna do. You’re never gonna feel like you can trust

yourself. What you have to do is own up to the reality of the situation and be

like, okay I said I wanted this thing and then I acted in this way. That’s not

gonna get me there. I fucked up. So what am I gonna do now that I am aware that I

fucked up? Like I’m not just comforting myself and telling myself it’s okay.

Don’t beat yourself up for it but don’t overly comfort yourself. Like sit in the

discomfort and face the reality that you just fucked up what you said you were

gonna do. So like I said, when you fuck up, make up. And don’t just discard this

part of you that desperately wants this goal you have because if all you do is

comfort this part of you and say no it’s okay that you betrayed that part, the

likelihood of it happening again is very high. So I’m gonna give you a couple of

examples of this dynamic. So like the one thing that relates to me right now is

like diet. Alright I’m on a very strict meal plan right now because I have goals

for the way that I want my body to look. And when I go over my calories or like

if I just have like a moment where I’m like fuck it like and I eat something

like extra, what I’m doing right there is like putting myself at odds with myself.

Okay I ate more on my meal plan than I should have and I’ve just thrown my

goals off. So given this situation, given I have to face reality of what my

actions just did, I just fucked this up. What can I do to repair it? I’m gonna go

get my ass on the fucking treadmill and do some extra cardio to burn off the

extra that I ate. There’s a way to repair it and you need to do it. You can’t just

become okay and allow yourself to consistently fuck up. You have to make up

for it but the only way that you allow yourself to consistently fuck up is by

not facing the consequences of your actions and just ignoring it and acting

like it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal because my whole thing with my

caloric deficit that I’m eating in, I’m eating less so I can like lean down. I

have to be in the deficit for like over the week and if I fuck up and I eat 500

calories extra one day, that’s just fucked up like a few days worth of work.

So if you do that consistently, I’m not gonna lose weight. If I just shovel shit

into my mouth, it’s gonna totally conflict what I’m doing and like negate

it. Like all my work is gonna be for fucking nothing if I can’t control what

I put into my mouth. So if I run into a situation where I have a moment of

weakness where I eat a little too much or I’m like fuck it I want a cookie, I’m

gonna go get my ass on a treadmill afterward and burn the cookie off. One, so

that I feel better. I don’t have that guilt. I don’t have that like fuck I just

fucked up all my goals. Like you have to face reality of like you did just fuck

up what you were trying to work toward. So you can choose to sit there and bitch

and whine and be like oh my god it’s fucked up there oh my god way or you can

look at what can I do to rectify it. Can I correct this in any way? And then

putting the effort into correcting it shows yourself you can trust yourself.

Because if you do fuck up you put the effort into mending that. That’s how you

trust someone and that’s how you’ll trust yourself. So sure it’s totally fine

and it’s totally normal to have moments of weakness. Nobody’s a fucking robot.

Nobody’s perfect all the time. But like I said the relationship with yourself you

have to show yourself that you care about what you want and your actions

are gonna be in line with that. So if you fuck up make up and I’m gonna keep

saying that. Another example for this is like if you have a to-do list of a lot

of things that you know you need to get done and you push them off and you fuck

off and you don’t really like put effort into getting them done you’re like eh

whatever. You have to face the reality of like you had that checklist of things to

do because you are trying to achieve something in a certain amount of time.

Whether it’s a goal or whether it’s just like you need to fucking clean your

house. There’s plenty of reasons why you’d be doing something but the whole

thing is like timing. You’re slowing yourself down by not doing what you know

you need to do and what you’ve agreed to do when you made this list. So at the end

of the night if you fucked off all day and you didn’t do your to-do list do

whatever you can do on that list or the next day make sure you get everything

done because if you don’t if you just like slack off you’re slowing your

progress. You have to face the reality of your actions. If you do not do what

you said you were gonna do to track it you’re gonna slow yourself down and are

you gonna allow yourself to be slowed down or are you gonna rise to the

occasion and fucking fix it? And if there’s ever a situation where you can’t

create repair or like fix damage that you’ve done like with eating or like

fucking up your to-do list that’s totally fine. There’s ways to make up for

that but there are situations that you can’t make up for like let’s say for

example you see someone out in public that you’re really interested in you

like them you’re like oh my god like they caught your attention but you’re

too nervous you’re too shy to go up and talk to them. If you don’t go up and talk

to them and you just leave wherever you’re at there is no undo. There is no

command Z. There is no retry. There is no like make up for that situation. If you

wanted to go talk to this person and you just didn’t like it’s just a stranger

you’re never gonna see them again. If you didn’t talk to them and you leave very

unlikely you’re gonna see them again but sit in that panic for a second and

that guilt of like fuck like I should have just went and talked to them I’m

never gonna get the chance to do it again like you’re gonna notice you’re

beating yourself up for not taking the action you’re gonna feel like shit

you’re gonna feel discouraged you’re gonna be like damn it you’re gonna be

kind of disappointed in yourself. So in that situation there’s nothing you can

do to fix it but what you can do is realize in that situation how you’re

feeling and commit to yourself. I’m not letting you go through that again. So

next time you see somebody in public we’re going to go up and talk to them

because I would rather you get the peace of mind and going to talk to them than

going home after because you didn’t talk to them and beat yourself up mentally. So

when there’s no way to create repair in the exact situation you’re gonna have to

wait until another situation presents itself for you to rise to the occasion

and step up and do it but the first situation had to happen so that you

could feel that fucking shit and be like all right I’m not gonna let myself

feel that again I’m gonna wait for the next opportunity and then I’m gonna act

on it and then once you act on it the next time it comes up the next time you

see somebody attractive in public and you go talk to them you’re gonna trust

yourself like oh my god you didn’t make me go home and fucking wish and what if

and think and like feel like shit and disappointed like you’re gonna learn to

trust yourself of like you’re not gonna allow yourself to feel those negative

states when it’s in your control like you going up to talk to somebody is

fully in your control so do you want to choose to go have peace of mind that it

could have worked or could have not worked or would you rather go home and

be like what if for the rest of your life if the motherfucker at Trader Joe’s

would have been like the one okay so my next tip for trusting yourself is you

have to act in line with your best interests and what you want so to sit

around and be like oh I want this thing I want that thing cool bitch like if you

just sit around and say you want this you want that okay cool like but there’s

no trust that’s gonna come with you or with anything that you feel like you

will actually get what it is that you want if all you do is ever just sit

around and ask for shit and say that you want shit you have to stack your actions

with it so when you discover that you want something you need to put your

actions in line with getting it you need to put effort into getting what you want

that will build so much trust in you than you even know to say I want

something and then to see yourself actually working toward it that’s so

self-esteem boosting and like that builds so much trust in yourself of like

you’re not gonna be scared to want things anymore because a lot of people

are like scared to like want more and desire more like a lot of people hate

that the fact that they want shit but if you would just flip it and start

realizing okay when I have a desire I can change my actions to put me on

course with getting that and then you will be shocked by how much you achieve

by actually going for it I know it’s scary I know there’s a lot more that

goes to it but when you say you want something show yourself that you’re

gonna prioritize and try to get it like try to fucking get what it is you want

take it into consideration take the fact that you want something into

consideration and put your actions in line with it even if you don’t know how

to get there motherfucker just start walking in a certain direction and

you’ll figure out am I getting there am I not getting there but just doing

anything in your control that will allow you to get to what you want it’s gonna

build yourself trust so much okay next we’re gonna talk about feelings

because that’s my favorite I love emotions I love feelings really I

fucking hate them but I’m a Pisces so I feel all of them I have fucking plenty

you want some you can you could take some off my plate that’s totally fine

but you have to care about the way that you feel that period point-blank done

like nothing further than that you have to start caring that you feel certain

things you have to care if you feel upset or hurt or uncomfortable or

disappointed and you also have to care if you feel happy or not like you should

want yourself to feel happy so it’s not about just caring about the bad things

it’s caring about the good things too like you care that you get to feel the

good shit and you’ll do things to make sure that you get to feel good but

definitely with the negative emotions with the feeling uncomfortable with the

feeling upset you have to care that you feel upset you have to put your fucking

brakes on like back the truck up and be like hang on why did I just get upset

what just bothered me don’t just breeze past the fact that you’re upset by

something look at the situation for a second and be like okay the fact that I’m

uncomfortable does not sit right with me like hang on let me look at this

situation what just caused me to feel this way and what am I gonna do about it

like just genuinely taking an understanding of why you feel the way

that you do and not just attacking yourself or dismissing yourself so if

you have a situation happen and you get upset or you get sad instead of just

being like I’ll quit being a fucking bitch like sometimes you have to do that

but look at wait why did I just get upset by that even if it seems small or

seems stupid take a genuine like curiosity standpoint and try to

understand what just happened there why am I feeling upset because as soon as

you see why you’re upset you’ll see that it’s very much valid and you’ll be able

to move forward but if you just ignore the fact that you’re upset you’re never

gonna trust yourself ever because when you get upset you just sweep it under

the rug you don’t give a fuck how you feel you’re never gonna trust someone

like that you would never trust someone else who just discarded the way that you

felt and did not care that you were upset like if someone so walked in and

saw you fucking bawling your eyes out and they just walked in and was like oh

and they went in the kitchen and started making food like they’re just not gonna

acknowledge you or like anything it’s like are you done yet like if they’re

just gonna look at you like that and dismiss the fact that you’re upset

you’re never gonna trust that person you’re never gonna feel like they care

about you you’re never gonna feel good around them but if they walk in the door

and show concern that you’re upset but what happened why are you upset what’s

going on that’s a whole different energy so you have to have that toward

yourself too you have to care that you’re upset or that you feel anything

and with that comes my next point about trusting yourself which is if you’re

uncomfortable show yourself you will change something and that can take a lot

of fucking forms all right and also it’s like standing up for yourself but I’ll

get to that in a second like you have to show yourself that when you’re

uncomfortable you care about that and you want to change that you have to

show yourself no I want you to feel better in this situation I don’t want

you to just sit there and suffer but then the standing up for yourself part

comes in with showing yourself that you care enough about the way that you feel

to take on the consequences of you making a change so this is just a stupid

fucking example I don’t know if I’ve talked about it before on the podcast

but before I started my whole like caring about myself journey like when I

would be on a flight like on a plane I like to sit on the inside I get like

away from the aisle like by the window one I’m very big I’m 6 foot 7 so I’m

very broad so like when I’m in the fucking aisle seat people be bumping

into me and putting their shit all over me I don’t want to fucking be touched

and I like a little window yeah I like to just look out the window and like see

things so whenever I get on a plane I’m in the inside seat so someone’s always

sitting next to me so if I want to get up and do anything the other person has

to get up cuz like I said I’m 6 foot 7 I there is no squeeze by bitch it’s like

my ass is gonna be in your fucking face if I try and just go in front of you so

anytime I need something out of my bag or I have to go to the bathroom I would

have to inconvenience the person next to me and be like hey can you get up and

like I would have to make them get up and I carried so much guilt about that

for so long but the realization hit me one day I was sitting in a seat and it

was when I started to care about the way that I felt I was like okay I have to

fucking piss right now like I have to fucking piss bad I think I was on like a

four-hour flight and I had like two hours left and I was like Leo just hold

it and then the new part of me was like nah I care that you’re uncomfortable I

care that you’re like borderline in fucking pain right now and you have to

pee so I was faced with a decision of choose to force myself to sit there and

suffer and feel good that I didn’t inconvenience this person or simply ask

them to get up so that I can go pee it’s basically me or them but it’s not

even like me or them it’s am I willing to suffer to not look like an asshole

but I thought like inconveniencing anyone in any way was like being an

asshole but it’s really not because if I had someone next to me that had to

fucking pee I would have no problem getting up like at all it’s like okay

hang on like let me get my shit like if I’m eating my little meal or whatever

it’s like hang on like I’ll get up like I would not want someone next to me to

sit there in pain just because they don’t want to like make me get up like

I’ll gladly get up but I just carried so much guilt for so long to like

inconvenience people so a lot of times I would just sit on planes having to

fucking piss like a horse and just hold it like I would just make myself hold it

but carrying how I felt started in that moment I was like uh-uh like you’re

gonna sit here and suffer for no fucking reason or you can show yourself

that you care that you’re uncomfortable and ask them to get up so you can go pee

are you gonna take the actions that are in support of you feeling better and my

whole like shift happened when I started doing that like yes I am gonna show

myself that I don’t want myself to be uncomfortable I’m not just gonna make

you sit here and fucking hold your pee and fucking like have your stomach

fucking hurt so now I ask people to get up and like allow myself to go pee and I

know that sounds like a stupid fucking example but it’s so important and like

my trust in myself built so much after I started doing this because it’s in the

small moments it’s in everything little like it’s such a huge thing it’s not

like these giant moments where you’re gonna be like yes I trust myself it’s

the small moments where it builds and you show yourself shit like that like

I’m not gonna let you be uncomfortable whether it’s in a relationship and I’m

gonna leave your fucking ass or I’m gonna get up and go pee cuz I gotta pee

but then also with a situation like that you have to take on the consequences of

what’s gonna happen when you try and stand up for yourself so I’m lucky where

I’m very strong and I’m I have no problem standing up for myself when I

feel justified like as soon as someone dismisses me or hurts me I’m going to

literally stand up for myself so hard you’re gonna feel like I’m attacking you

it’s like if I say hey can I go to the bathroom real quick do you mind if I

say something like that and I’m being polite and they want to cop a fucking

attitude now I’m gonna look at you and say now get the fuck up before I throw

you at this goddamn seat okay like I’m gonna try and be polite but if you try

and like back me down or something and like you’re not gonna take me into

consideration like I was being polite to you I just didn’t tell you to get the

fuck up like I was being sweet and letting you know like I didn’t like want

to bother you you know what I mean like if I’m gonna show you consideration show

it back to me but if I ever feel like there’s a consequence for me standing up

for myself I’ll fully face that shit whatever comes along with it but I do

have that protector aspect of me that I told y’all came out when I got bullied a

lot and he just he takes over and he just takes care of everything but yeah

you have to face the consequences that come with standing up for yourself and

wanting to make a change when you’re uncomfortable so even if someone thinks

you’re fucking crazy or they think you’re rude or they think you’re an

asshole or they’re like pissed off at you so what so fucking what do I care

that miss little Betty boop next to me on the plane is like pissy that she had

to get up excited to pee shut the fuck up bitch get over it we’re all human we

all got a fucking pee I’ve never had someone like have a negative reaction

I’m just trying to give you an example with that one of like you’re gonna have

to face the consequences but one more example I want to give around like

standing up for yourself is if you’re gonna pay for something you have to show

yourself that you’re gonna stand up for yourself and make sure you get what you

paid for like there’s no reason for you to not get what you paid for and I used

to be like I will take what people give me I don’t give a fuck I’m not being an

inconvenience I’m not being that asshole that will like send food back or send

drinks back like if I was at Starbucks or something and they made my fucking

order wrong I would not say shit like I would just take it like thanks like if I

ordered a coffee and they gave me some green tea bullshit I’ll be like oh

thanks cool and just pretend like it was fine because I felt like such a fucking

like asshole to God forbid stand up for myself but the whole mindset shift

happened where I was like I paid for this thing and I’m not an asshole for

making sure that I get that like if the barista barista whatever you are like if

they ordered something at an establishment they would want to get

what they paid for too so if I order a coffee and you hand me some fucking

green drink I’m not a dick for actually correcting it and asking for what I

ordered like letting them know politely like hey like that doesn’t look like

what I got I got the coffee whatever the fuck like whatever you got politely just

help them recognize that there’s been a mistake and you didn’t get what you

ordered you’re not a fucking dick for doing that and so much shifted in me

once I started being like this like I am on people’s fucking ass now like bitch I

fucking paid for something now give it to me I know when it’s like you act like

a dick and you’re entitled I’m very polite and I’m very like cool but I

don’t let nobody fuck on me like you’re never gonna fuck me around and like toy

with me like bitch you’re gonna come correct or you’re gonna make up for it

like I ordered a couch like two months ago and it said it was gonna be delivered

in five to seven days that fucking couch did not come for a month and a half and

you know what I did every week I was calling them where is my couch where the

fuck is the couch and then after a month like I gave them they said it was

gonna be delivered in like basically one to two weeks and after four weeks I

called them and said okay so what I ordered what I paid for and what I

clicked checkout on what was advertised was I’m getting this couch in one to two

weeks five to seven days but I’m giving you extra if I say two weeks but like

five to seven days is what I ordered it’s been a month so what you guys

advertised and what I chose to pay for is not what I’ve received the product is

separate from the time you made a promise on time and a product you did

not uphold what you promised on time so what are we gonna do to correct this

because now I’m unsatisfied now I’m like piss the fuck off like y’all have fucked

me around for like every week they would tell me oh three more days three more

days three more days like I was three days to death like motherfucker where is

my shit where’s my goddamn couch so I asked them what can be done about this

like what compensation can it be had like what can go on about this and I no

longer felt like a dick for it because like I waited the time that I was

expected to like get like I waited the two weeks I waited the four weeks and

then I demanded something like I’m not just gonna make myself get fucked on

like that and make myself take it like nah bitch what I got is not what I paid

for so somebody’s gonna correct it like I’m not just gonna make myself swallow

that and sit here and be pissed off and secretly resentful at my couch because

of the whole process like they sent me some money back and now I feel better

I’m like cool I got the couch it took two fucking goddamn months but they

corrected the situation like I feel better about the situation it’s like if

you have something go on and you feel negatively don’t make yourself leave

that situation feeling negative so that’s where I’m gonna leave that that

was a whole fucking around the bush and a lot of examples but I want to reassure

you you’re not a fucking dick for making sure you get what you pay for like it’s

expected anybody else in your shoes would do the same thing like you’re not

an asshole you’re not like inconvenient you’re not wrong to give you paid for

something make sure that you get what you pay for don’t just make yourself eat

the loss like fuck that that especially is gonna show yourself that you can

trust yourself like you’re not just gonna be at the mercy of everyone and

everything like if something doesn’t go right like if they keep fucking up your

drinks or you keep buying shit and they’re sending you the wrong stuff

like show yourself that you’re not at the mercy of anyone and you will have it

fixed so that you make sure you get what you want okay so now let’s jump into

learning to trust your own judgment of things so that other people’s opinions

don’t hurt your feelings okay so the first thing is you have to look at and

decide what you like and what you don’t like like you have to look at what you

think of things check in with yourself first check in with your own opinion if

you’re comfortable with something if you like something or if you don’t like

something I’m gonna give you a stupid ass example but like a vape okay it’s

green it’s like if I say okay I like this color this is a nice color of green

that’s not weird like okay you have an opinion that’s good you like green I’ve

already decided I like this color and now it’s like if someone comes up and

says that’s the ugliest fucking color I’ve ever seen in my life they’re

allowed to have their opinion you don’t have to switch yours all of a sudden

just because someone disagrees you’re allowed to disagree with someone and

still not lose them and that’s a lot of people’s biggest fear with like

disagreement and they just want to people please and go along with shit but

you’re allowed to like green okay you’re allowed to like this color even if

somebody else fucking hates it but the whole point with like touching in on

what you like first what you think first allows you to still have a sense of self

and a sense of identity and a sense of preference with other people involved so

like if someone says that’s fucking ugly if you decided you like it well I like

it if someone says that you’re fucking stupid like are you blind that’s the

ugliest fucking color ever be like okay girl like I fucking like it I think it’s

cute it’s green you have to look at your own reasons for liking something so I

have my own reasons for why I like this fucking color and somebody else might

not but checking in on like why you like something or why you don’t is up to

you it’s like my opinion on open relationships I’m so fucking against

open relationships personally if other people want to go do them go do them

someone I’m dating is never going to enjoy someone else sexually while I

breathe I will cut a limb off of you motherfucker like it’s not happening I

don’t know how people do it but other people have an opinion that open

relationships work great for them and they like it they’re totally fine to

have that I have the opinion of I would never fucking be okay with it and I

would never like that and I’m against that like if you want to do it do it but

like I personally would never before that neither of us are wrong but I have

my own opinion of what I think about open relationships I know myself I know

the way that I feel I have my own reasons for having that opinion other

people might have a different opinion but when you look at your own reasons

and you check in with yourself of like why you do or don’t like something when

someone else comes up like I’m against open relationships when someone that is

for open relationships comes in I’m not immediately just gonna bend to their

perspective and agree with them and go along with them because I want to be

accepted like I have my own reasons and I’m gonna stand in them like I’m not

mad at you for choosing that but we can agree to disagree like we can totally

respect each other’s opinions you don’t have to just give yourself up in order

to be close to people you don’t have to just give up your opinions nobody likes

a copycat nobody likes someone that goes with the fucking flow and doesn’t have

their own opinion that’s one thing I know a lot of people are scared of like

isolation so that’s the whole part about like just molding to everyone else’s

opinion but as soon as other people come around if you throw away all your

beliefs all your likes all your dislikes all your thoughts all your opinions

you’re never gonna trust yourself around people you’re never gonna trust yourself

period because what you’re gonna be looking to is the outside world to

determine what you like and don’t like like you’re never gonna feel a sense of

stability or a sense of safety with yourself you will never trust yourself

so when you have all of that on your own you’re more stable and you’re more

secure because you trust and you know what you think what you feel and what

you believe so the next kind of part with that is like you have to be able to

hold space for other people’s opinions without attacking yourself for having a

different one like you’re allowed to have different opinions than other

people that’s totally okay and you don’t have to bend your opinion just

because someone else has a different one like you’re allowed to have differing

opinions and you will one day come across someone that does not attack you

for not agreeing with them like when people don’t agree with me I don’t care

cool bitch like if you don’t agree I don’t mind like you’re allowed to not

agree but if you try and attack me for my opinion I’m gonna tell you to get

fucked and shove it like I don’t want to fucking hear your mouth I’m not over

here preaching my shit on to you it’s like people that are religious shut the

fuck up shut up about what I’m doing what I’m doing is against what you

believe what I’m doing is not against what I believe you think you’re right

and I don’t give a fuck okay so like I’m so against like people trying to push

their views on everybody just shut the fuck up let everybody do what the fuck

they want to do like if I want to be gay leave me I don’t want to be gay but how

you gonna tell me I’m going to hell for being gay bitch I didn’t fucking choose

it okay so if I’m going to hell for that so be it I’m gonna be in my window seat

on the plane like I talked about so I’m gonna give you an example personally

because I have my own opinions of things and getting on social media has made me

a very strong person because I have people talking shit on me non-fucking

stop anyone that disagrees with me make sure to let me know and they make sure

to let me know that my hairlines fucked and I’m ugly and I have one crooked

tooth it’s like girl okay okay cool like do you feel better

peewee that I fucking said something that triggered you so hard that you felt

the need to attack me leave me the fuck be I don’t care I literally don’t give a

shit like I’m impenetrable now you can’t fuck with me and the way that I’ve

gotten to this point I’m gonna give you the process that I go through with this

shit so I had some fucking dumbass and I’m gonna emphasize dumbass comment on

my green flags podcast episode and say Leo like all I learned from this is that

you’re fucking immature I would never take advice from you you have a lot of

growing up to do you’re toxic you’re this you’re that and they like discarded

everything I said in the episode because they didn’t agree with it now at first I

was like oh my god like it made me like hesitate I was like wait that I post a

bad episode like that I say some fucked up shit or what so instead of

immediately attacking myself and being like and like freaking the fuck out and

thinking that this person was right I said hang on let me go rewatch my

episode and I’m gonna assess my own judgment of what I said so I went back

and I rewatched my episode and there are certain things that I understand would

be triggering for people I get not everybody’s gonna agree with everything

that I say and you don’t have to this is just what you watch me cuz you want to

know what the fuck I think what the hell but I rewatched my episode and I was

okay there’s things I could see people would disagree with but a lot of the

things that I said were like next level fucking mature and next level awareness

like people aren’t spitting the shit that I fucking spit on YouTube or on the

internet these people are fucking dumb they read a fucking self-help book I

think they know it all I’ve been through real life I went to the school of

fucking life again your shit fucked up with no one to help you when you have to

save yourself is when you know what the fuck I know so I was watching my episode

back and I was like okay I can see how he would disagree with these things but

all the rest of my episode like it was such good information I’m like okay so

clearly he’s just a triggered little fucking bitch that needs to discredit me

if you’re gonna say I disagree with some of the things you said fine but the fact

that this dude took it upon himself to say your entire episode was toxic your

entire episode was immature right there I cannot trust your judgment you’re

fucking idiot cuz like I said I understand a couple of things you

disagree with but to try and write off my whole episode as fucked up and toxic

and immature grow the fuck up bitch cuz if you actually listen to that episode

there’s so much wise shit in it so that’s where I immediately threw that

comment out of my mind and I was like he can go fuck himself like I didn’t let it

affect me anymore because I assessed the episode and watched it and with my own

logic and my own reasoning and my own opinions I decided okay it’s not a bad

episode and for him to make a claim like everything I said was immature it does

not make sense because I spit some of the most mature shit you can do in a

relationship and so for someone to throw a fucking label on the whole thing wipes

out their opinion completely and that’s how I let it not affect me like I have

people talk shit on everything I post like every single thing I post on the

internet someone is running the little rat fucking mouth about it and I have to

reassess everything I post all the time like I am aware when people have valid

points like I get it bitch like sometimes people is right I’m a lot more

right but I do fuck up sometimes and I do say some shit where I’m like all

right like my last episode like I was so aggressive about checking people’s

phones but after thinking about it I was like okay I understand where people are

at when they don’t want to go through someone’s phone like they are scared of

what they’re gonna find and people are not like against going through people’s

phones because they’re stupid or immature they’re scared of what they’re

gonna find they’re genuinely terrified and they’re scared to get hurt so for me

to be screaming and flailing about and yelling that you’re fucking stupid

that’s not the best approach because I can see where they’re at like I’m aware

when I fuck up I’m aware when like I’m too harsh but with that I’m also aware

when I’m fucking right and like the situation with this dip shit commented

on my green flags video like now I just think it’s so funny and I hope you’re

still watching me bitch I hope you’re still fucking watching that’s weird to

me why my middle finger is still up like for you to have someone you disagree

with so heavily and you’re watching all my shit you need to go get checked out a

screw is loose probably multiple you might even be missing a few because

that’s weird fucking behavior I’m not gonna watch someone I hate I’m not gonna

spend my time on this earth watching someone that I fucking despise you got

issues babe and that’s beyond your fucking awareness but like I said if

someone says something address it for yourself assess what they’re claiming

before you immediately assume that they’re right like you can’t trust

people I know I always say don’t trust nobody but I trust no one it’s tattooed

on my hand for a fucking reason in this life you’re meant to like learn to trust

people older than you and like you’re supposed to be able to rely on other

people’s opinions but people have their own fucked up shit like they don’t want

what’s best for you they’re intimidated if you’re better than them they will

guide you in the wrong spot people have ill intentions like there’s so much you

can’t trust and people are fucking stupid sometimes and sometimes they don’t

have the mental bandwidth to even grasp what the fuck you’re talking about so

their opinions not gonna be relevant their judgment is not gonna be relevant

so you can’t trust other people’s judgments and that’s like a sad thing to

learn because like the typical thing is like you trust your elders you trust

people who are older than you because they can guide you but I’ve surpassed a

lot of fucking older people than me like I’m 24 operating at 54 mentally

like I was in shit where no one could help me and I learned that you can

really trust no one just because someone’s older you still have to

evaluate what the fuck they’re saying so don’t just automatically assume

everyone is right about anything do your own research come to your own opinions

but certain situations listen god damn it like the doctor like go listen to

the what the fuck the doctor says go to like five don’t ever just trust one

opinion from a doctor go to like five and get like a consensus but there’s

certain areas where you need to just trust what people are saying but when

someone is criticizing you evaluate that first why would someone need to be

saying this and is it even fucking true cuz like I said the whole episode was

not shitty there’s just parts you didn’t agree with and you didn’t know how to

deal with yourself cuz you were triggered not my fucking problem all

right now let’s jump into what would Leo do I’m gonna read three situations that

y’all wrote in and I’m gonna tell you what I would do and give you my little

guidance on it so the first one is a girl who feels really stuck in life and

she’s wanting to move somewhere else and she’s working in real estate and she’s

like overwhelmed by all the shit she’s got going on and she feels stuck cuz she

wants to move and like make a transition and like level herself up but she’s

worried about everything going on and she feels really stuck in life so my

advice to anyone that’s stuck in life where you feel stuck number one is the

awareness you’re not actually stuck and I know it’s a lot easier said than done

cuz like I could choose to jump out this fucking window right now but I’m

choosing not to like if I feel stuck but I could just jump out right now like

you’re in control you have free will you can do whatever you want at any moment

but that’s kind of fucking stupid to say like a lot of people just act like

that’s the answer it’s not the fucking answer because it doesn’t feel that good

but the reality of the situation when you feel stuck is you’re standing in a

place where with any move you make you feel there is gonna be negative

consequences for it so you don’t move it’s like it’s safer to just not decide

because you get to avoid the pain that’s gonna come with either decision so like

with this girl for her to go for her career and move she’s gonna have to

leave her family and move away from them who she’s very close to but to stay with

her family she has to choose to limit herself in her career and what she wants

for her life so if you truly want to get unstuck I want you to make a list of

everything that’s gonna come with any decision that you make any fear that you

have any worries that you have literally write it down in a list cuz when you get

shit out of your head and you can look at it it’s a lot less overwhelming so if

you have a full list of like the pros and cons of each decision you can then

look at okay which list of consequences am I more willing to choose because you

have to choose you have to pick one universe ain’t gonna let you stay still

but also in order to build trust with yourself you have to see you’re in a

position where you’re very uncomfortable you feel stuck and it’s not an enjoyable

sensation like you’re holding yourself back from either Avenue which is not fun

so in order to show yourself you can trust yourself you have to make a move

you have to make a decision because not making the decision makes you sit in a

place of indecision until something is chosen for you by whatever happens

whatever circumstance that’s gonna switch and you’re forced into one of the

other that’s not a situation where you’re gonna build self-trust the way

you build self-trust is taking an action and choosing your action and choosing

your consequences and not just allowing some like greater force or different

circumstances lining up where it one’s no longer an option you don’t just wait

for shit to happen to you you choose it and you propel yourself forward in the

direction of what you want and doing that puts you in an empowered place and

you’re gonna feel safe with yourself and you learn to trust yourself okay so

situation number two there’s a girl who is in nursing school and she’s very very

busy and she swore off relationships but this guy came along and she said don’t

mind if I do so she’s pursuing this guy and she’s been seeing this guy but she’s

extremely busy and she’s not able to see him more than like once to twice a week

and she’s concerned and worried that her inability to see him all the time and be

super attentive is gonna make him want to leave her so first thing I’m gonna

say is valid concern it’s totally normal to feel scared about that it’s totally

normal to be worried about that but first thing I would do in your situation

is address that concern with the guy be like yo like I look I know I’m super

fucking busy but it makes me anxious and it makes me concerned that like you’re

gonna pull off or like you’re I’m not gonna be able to be as present as you

want me to be like I have a concern that you’re gonna like up and leave so first

thing is talking to him about it and then in order to repair the relationship

with yourself I want you to look at what about you makes it hard for you to just

discard why is it hard to leave you so why would someone be willing to only see

you once or twice a week what about you would make them be able to say yes like

I’m willing to see you a little bit less as long as I get to see you I want

you to go on a scavenger hunt for all your positive traits and all the needs

you can meet for someone that will make them want you enough to not get to see

you all the time so basically look for what you’re worth holding on to for why

are you worth holding on to and I want to set your mind free with that and just

let it run wild let it feed you anything you can think of and that’s gonna flip

the situation from feeling very insecure like oh my god he could leave me ah and

being like anxious to solidifying your self-esteem but okay I see my value I

recognize it I understand why someone would want to be with me and that’s that

and you’re gonna have a lot more empowered sense of moving forward than

like the shaky one of like oh my god he could leave me if I like I don’t see him

more than like twice a week okay for our last situation for what would Leo do

this week this girl is realizing that she self sabotages with relationships so

when she has someone that seems like good come along she’ll fuck it up she’ll

leave or she’ll like just abandon the whole thing but if you meet someone that

you think is like too good to be true or you think that they’re better than you

or whatever it is they see something in you that you just might not be seeing

you’re worth their attention you’re worth being cared about by them because

you’ve been lined up with it for a reason so number one is you got to

become aware of that like open yourself up to discovering the ways that you’re

actually a match to this person and you’re kind of like equal like what are

you able to contribute them like do the scavenger hunt that I talked about for

the last girl but with the situation of meeting someone that you feel like is

better than you or is like on your level and it intimidates you what you’re faced

with in that situation is feeling like you’re a little bit beneath it and you

get to decide you can run or you can rise to the occasion and improve

yourself and level up to make this work because your relationships are your

biggest teachers your relationships people are your biggest fucking teachers

from the universe from God whoever you want to believe in yeah but like

relationships are your biggest teachers they’re your biggest mirror of self

awareness and what you need to become aware of what you need to fix and change

and like they’re your ticket for improvement so next time you’re faced

with someone that you feel like it’s better than you if you notice you feel

the need to run away it’s because it’s the safer option you don’t know if

you’re actually able to rise to the occasion or not so give it a fucking

shot but I want to give you the reassurance of you would not be a match

to this person if you weren’t ready for it like if someone is pursuing you and

they’re ready for you and you feel like you’re not you’re being faced with all

the things that you know you now need to do and change and improve to feel ready

for it like just start leveling yourself up whatever you’re insecure about start

flipping it if you’re insecure about how much money you make start trying to make

more insecure about your body fix that shit start eating right go to the gym

you’re worried about your intellect start reading start educating yourself

all the different levels you can level up yourself is gonna be reflected and

it’s gonna come through insecurities so any insecurity you notice pop up use it

as fuel to flip it and change it and rise to the occasion to fix it and

strengthen it instead of just seeing something that you desperately want and

then running from it because you don’t feel good enough look at yourself and

say okay we can do this we can rise to this occasion and then do it if you want

to be featured in a future segment of what would Leo do you can leave a

comment on this YouTube video or you can DM me on Instagram my Instagram is the

Leo Skeppy so just send me your situation and I’ll give you my hot take

on it like this it’s always anonymous it’s always gonna be anonymous I’m never

gonna rat you out I’ll let nobody know your fucking business I just go general

so that I can give you the advice but if you enjoyed this video leave it a thumbs

up and if you want to be more aware and less aggravated hit the subscribe button

god damn it and if you’re listening to the audio version of this you’re not

watching me on YouTube if you didn’t know I’m on YouTube hi here I am but if

you’re listening to the audio version of this leave me five stars and also if you

feel like this episode would be useful to anyone you know just send it to them

just send it to them and help them gain a little awareness help them be more

aware and less aggravated honestly send this to someone that you would like to

see repair their relationship with their self this is the tool to do it but thank

you all so much for watching take care of yourself be safe implement all this

shit so you can trust yourself more and I will talk to you next Sunday