Aware & Aggravated - 49. How to Not Get Attached to People So Fast

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Hi friends! So this week I’m going to give you all my tips for how to not get attached to people so fast.

Because my Pisces ass, please. I used to get attached to people like that.

Like it was so annoying how quick I would like plan my future with someone.

Like I’d meet them, I would see them across the room and be like, boom, we’re dating, we’re married.

I found the one! Like I used to get so attached to people so goddamn quick.

And I would hurt my own feelings a lot because I would like get excited by a situation or get excited by a person

and then it wouldn’t work, you know.

So I’m going to give you all my tips on how to not get attached so quick.

Because a lot of you guys deal with that and a lot of you guys have written in and asked me to cover this.

So I’m going to do it.

But I have a little announcement to make.

I made a Facebook community for all of us.

So I made a page on Facebook.

It’s like a Facebook group where all of you guys can join it.

It’s going to be free.

But all of you guys can join it and it’s going to be a private group.

So anything you post in there or I post in there, it’s like only for the group to see.

But I wanted to make a little community so that you guys could go in and like talk to each other, make some friends, one.

But two, if you ever need advice on something or you just want to like get another opinion on a situation that you’re going through

from someone who’s not in it and from someone who fucking gets it.

Because if you listen to this podcast and you’re like me, your brain just works right, babe.

Love you for it.

But I made the Facebook group so that you guys could go in and talk to each other.

So if you have a situation or you want advice on something, go in and post in the Facebook group.

And like comment back to each other.

Shoot shit back and forth.

Like give your two cents.

Help people out with their situations.

And like when you’re going through something, feel free to go in there and vent and like get advice.

It’s like we all get it and we can all be there for each other.

I’ll go in and I’ll be like commenting back and shit too.

And I wanted to give you guys a sense of belonging and feel like you have somewhere you can go and someone you can talk to at all times.

Because there’s a lot of you guys that watch this and follow me.

So I wanted to give us all a space where we can like belong and like be friends.

So I’ll put the link to where you can join the Facebook community in the description of this podcast.

Just click the link.

It’s going to be on Facebook.

I know we don’t like Facebook.

Facebook’s kind of weird.

But I feel like this is the best place to do it because it’s easy.

I don’t want to make a fucking discord.

Like that’s too goddamn difficult.

Like a little chat room.

No, this is not fucking kick.

So the Facebook group just makes it easy.

But I’m really excited about it.

And I hope you guys are too.

So go join as soon as you see this.

And start posting, bitch.

Don’t be scared.

Don’t be scared to post in there.

Don’t be scared to comment back.

It’s a safe goddamn space.

And if I see a little fucking rat in there running their mouth or being rude, I’m booting you the fuck out.

It’s a privilege to be in our little community.

So be polite.

Check each other politely when you need to be checked.

Like if someone puts a situation where they’re the asshole, politely let them know.

But if someone’s in there just talking shit or dogging you, I’m going to boot them the fuck out.

I’m not playing no bullying shit.

And most likely we’re going to bully them back.

Because it’s our community.

We can do whatever the fuck we want.

But like I said, don’t be scared to post in there.

Don’t be scared to be vulnerable.

Don’t be scared to be vulnerable because it’s just a community of people who fucking get it.

Like we’re all there for each other.

We all understand our emotions.

We understand how to be there for each other.

We all know how to comfort people.

We all listen to this.

Like all of you have like an advanced level of awareness.

So I want to make a little place where we can all hang out.

So the link is in the description to join it.

Go fucking join it.

Thank you so much.

And post in there.

Shoot shit.

Make some friends.

Talk to some people and give some advice.

I love that.

And I’ll be in there too, like I said.

I’ll be watching you.

Okay?

I’ll be watching for these little motherfuckers that want to bully people that I care about.

Because you’re done for.

But anyway, let’s jump into how to not get attached to people so quickly.

Because I’ve got you.

I’ve got a list of tips and some situations and some things.

And I’m going to have to be vulnerable and share some of my personal shit.

But I’m going to do it because it’s going to benefit you.

It’s going to embarrass the fuck out of me.

But it’s going to benefit you.

So I’ll share it.

So with not getting attached to people too fast, it’s totally normal to get excited by someone new.

Whether it’s a friend or like someone you’re interested in to date.

It’s totally normal to be excited about it.

And be like, oh my god, like you’re going to feel a lot of things.

And my punk ass used to take it too fucking far.

Like I said, like I would be attached to you immediately.

And then I would feel like a sense of betrayal when someone didn’t like me back.

Or they didn’t like live up to the image I just like made up in my head of them.

And like what we could be.

Like I would hurt my own fucking feelings all the time.

Like I’d feel betrayed.

Like how did you not like me this much?

Like we were supposed to be together.

Like as soon as I decide that I like you, whether I told you or not.

I don’t want you talking to nobody else.

Not a single soul, bitch.

Don’t look at nobody but me.

Don’t talk to nobody but me.

You better only love me.

I’m kind of kidding, but like I’m kind of not.

Like I still am very like territorial.

And like if I like you, I’m going to get upset by every fucking thing you do.

But these are my ways to kind of like knock this out.

So my first two little tips.

The first one is be realistic.

What is the situation at hand?

Like what is going on right now?

Like let’s say I just met some person.

And I like feel all these things about them.

And I’m like, oh my God, they could be the one.

Like you know how your brain just kind of like flips into like overdrive

and starts convincing you of all this shit and makes things bigger than it is?

This is going to help you stop that and like re-let the fuck back in.

Because don’t go too far.

You’re going to hurt your own feelings like I do, okay?

Just trust me.

Get realistic about what the situation is at hand.

So let’s say you meet someone and you’re super attracted to them.

You’re super interested in them.

You feel very drawn to them.

You like them.

You’re obsessed with them.

Because that’s how I get.

Like I will be obsessed with someone in like ten seconds.

I would say five.

But ten seconds.

It takes me to know if I’m obsessed with you or not.

And I have a weird thing where like I can feel people.

I don’t know how to explain it.

But like I can just feel someone’s heart.

I don’t know if it’s their energy.

I don’t know if it’s their heart.

But I know intentions and I can feel it.

Like I can feel who people are at the core.

And it’s like if I look into someone’s face, I can see like the wall.

And then I can see what’s behind it.

Like I see people for who they are and it scares the fuck out of people.

Like my friends, when we have like deep conversations, and any of the people that I coach one-on-one,

like they understand I just know shit I’m not supposed to know.

And I see things I’m not supposed to see.

Like my friend Randy and me had a talk the other night.

And I was like looking in his eyes.

And he’s like, can you stop looking at me?

I feel like you’re looking into my soul.

I just have this thing I can do that.

Like I just like see past everything and then I see everything unfold.

Like when someone describes a situation that they’re in or what they’re feeling,

it’s like I can automatically just like see everything that unfolded to get them there.

It’s the weirdest fucking shit.

I don’t know if it’s intuition.

I don’t know if it’s clairvoyance.

But I love it.

It’s fun.

But it hurts my feelings a lot.

Because like I said, I can see through people.

But back on track with being realistic about someone.

Let’s say you meet someone and you feel all these things toward them.

Like you’re obsessed with them.

You like them.

You’re like oh my god.

They’re like everything you want.

You enjoy being around them.

Get realistic with the situation.

What is going on currently?

Like I just met someone.

I see a lot of things in them that I like.

I’m interested in them.

I care to get to know them.

But I don’t know them yet.

Like you feel all these strong emotions toward somebody.

You still don’t know who the fuck that is.

I know that’s weird.

And it seems kind of like mean to say.

But you can meet someone and feel some things there.

Yes.

But to immediately be like I love you.

I care about you.

You don’t know them to care about them.

You can care about their well-being.

You can be interested in them.

You can like things about them.

You can appreciate things about them.

But you’re not just in love with them.

You don’t immediately just care about them.

And they don’t immediately just like have a grip on your heart.

I know it feels like that sometimes.

But I want to set your mind at ease from that.

Like get realistic with the situation.

You’ve just met bags.

All right.

Like step one was a situation at hand.

You met this person you feel strong feelings for.

You feel like you appreciate a lot of things about them.

You’re attracted to them.

You like them.

You want to get to know them.

You feel drawn to them.

That’s all fine things to communicate.

Like that’s what’s going on inside you.

That’s all the shit that’s like running around in your brain and in your little heart.

But getting clear with the situation at hand is going to help you kind of like get back in the moment

and detach your brain from like going forward and like running with the fucking story of like,

oh, my God, what this could be.

Because it’s like if you just let yourself meet someone,

you meet them a couple of times, whatever it is,

and then you automatically start assuming like, oh, my God, we’re going to date.

We’re going to this.

We’re going to that.

And then you find out they’re talking to somebody else.

It’s like stab in the heart.

Bitch, I know it.

I’ve been there.

Like you can’t assume shit.

So that’s really what it does.

It’s like getting clear on what the situation is and like speaking it to yourself of like,

I’ve just met this person.

I feel these vibes.

Cool.

It like knocks out all of your assumptions of how things are going to go,

and it kind of removes your expectations of like what’s going to come from the situation.

Because if you immediately meet somebody and you like them a lot

and you like convince yourself of a certain thing or something’s going on

and they don’t behave accordingly,

it’s going to fuck with you.

Like when I like somebody and I haven’t said anything yet,

but I really like somebody at a party or some shit,

like I meet someone out and I really, really like them,

and they don’t know me yet and they’re like talking to other people.

They’re floating around the party.

They’re doing whatever they want.

Old me would have secretly been like, what the fuck?

Like pissed off, like butthurt that you’re not like coming up to me.

Like, don’t you know that I love you?

I wish I was being fucking dramatic, but I used to get attached to people quick.

But that’s a big thing is just get in the reality of the situation.

What is actually going on right now?

Not what could happen, not what should happen,

because your expectations are going to get caught up into it too.

Like you’re not going to expect them to behave a certain way or do anything.

So it’s going to keep you from feeling betrayed.

Like so just get clear what the fuck is going on right now.

My next tip, tip number two,

is once you already like are getting to know someone

and you feel like you’re getting attached very quickly,

this is my go-to fucking tip to check myself.

And I have one of these personally.

And what I’m about to talk about is a boyfriend scoreboard.

I literally have a fucking scoreboard for every guy that I meet

that I might be interested in.

I have an entire list of every single trait

that I would have in my ideal partner.

Like everything I want in a partner,

I have, it’s a literal like three or four page word document.

And it’s long as fuck.

And what I do with this document is every guy that I meet,

I’ll make them their own copy of it.

And then I’ll put, like it’s in a table.

So like everything that I want is listed here.

And then their name is at the top.

And then there’s a blank checkbox on the side.

Everything that they are, I’ll check it off.

Like I’ll put an X in the thing that everything that they are.

And having the scoreboard with like everything that I want in a person,

when you feel like you like someone a lot

or you feel like something’s like going on very strong,

you’re like, oh my God, this is going to put you in the reality

of who the fuck is in front of you and what you’re dealing with.

Because your emotions will misguide you.

They will make you feel like you’re up this person’s ass.

Like obsessed with them more than you actually are or should be.

So this is a good like a reality check.

So I literally will score each guy I’m potentially interested in

against my scoreboard.

And I see how much you fill in.

And I have a promise to myself,

I will not trip over somebody who does not fill out the scoreboard.

I’m not going to let myself get upset over them.

I’m not going to let myself freak out because they’re not what I want.

I’ll entertain it. I’ll have fun with it.

I’ll see how much they fill it out.

If they fill it out most of the way,

eh, we’re going to take some leeway.

We’re going to like go for the bitch.

But I’m not fully going to let myself like freak out

or like bug out over someone

who doesn’t at least fill in like 90% of my scoreboard.

Because there’s a lot of shit on there, girl.

But doing this will help you see the person in front of you.

Because you’re going to be convinced

and like blinded by your emotions

thinking that they’re so great.

But when you put them on paper next to everything you want in a partner,

you’re going to see,

oh fuck, like they don’t actually match up

as much as I thought.

And it’s going to kill some of that excitement,

which is good.

Because it’s going to make you hesitate

with feeling so attached to them.

And I know that’s kind of like fucked up

and like, what’s it called, cynical?

Is that the word?

It’s kind of like putting a negative nelly.

Like it’s putting a damper on things when you do that.

But it’s a good reality check

when you feel yourself getting attached too quick

or you feel like you’re moving too fast

or you feel too strongly.

It’s a good reality check because it’s not being negative.

It’s being realistic.

What the fuck’s actually going on here?

Because you can sit here and play in your emotions

in the way that you feel all you want.

It’s going to fuck you up, alright?

So put the motherfucker next to your scoreboard.

Make a full list of everything you want in a partner

and then score them against it.

Or a girlfriend’s scoreboard.

Or a VVM scoreboard.

Whatever you’re fucking into.

Make a little scoreboard and score this person up

against everything that you want in a partner.

And the next tip I have about reality of something

is what I’m going to talk about.

A situation I recently went through

where I got a crush on a straight boy.

So after you face reality,

you see what the situation is for what it is.

You make a scoreboard.

Even if you don’t make the boyfriend’s scoreboard, whatever.

Assess the situation.

Tell yourself what is actually going on.

Get in the reality of it.

And then you have to assess,

are we actually even compatible?

What actually could come from this?

Because I met someone a few weeks ago.

And upon meeting him,

I was obsessed with him.

I loved everything about his energy,

his personality. He was fun as shit.

He was cute. I was like, hell yeah!

I was down with the get down.

I was like, what the fuck?

People like this don’t come across my path often.

So it caught my attention a lot.

I love the fuck out of this man

from the moment I’ve seen him.

So I felt this extreme and very intense

interest in this dude.

I was like, oh my god. I was so fucking excited.

But I had to give myself

a reality check with

asking if we’re actually even compatible.

Because the motherfucker

was straight.

Number one. Number two.

He does not live in this country.

So with those two things,

what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

You know?

You gotta get in the reality and see if you’re actually compatible.

Because one, you’re straight.

You’re not interested

in me. And two,

you do not fucking live in this country

like they were visiting.

Being realistic, where do I actually think

this will go? Bitch, it’s gonna

stop here. It’s not fucking going nowhere.

But the way I used to be is I would

still get hopeful. I would still get excited.

I would allow myself to

start thinking I had feelings

for this person and get so involved

and then break my own heart

when I faced the reality that

he was fucking straight. Girl,

face that shit at the beginning and save yourself.

Get your emotions in check

and reel it in.

You have to accept things are what they are.

You really just have to accept

the situation for what it is and acknowledge

it up front. Because if you just

feel intensely towards someone and you just

put blinders on and you don’t want to face reality

and you just go forward into it,

one day you’re going to get too far down the line

involved emotionally

and then you’re going to take those blinders off

and you’re going to have to face the reality of

the motherfucker’s straight and don’t live here.

And then it’s going to feel like a fucking dagger

through your chest because you’re like,

it’s going to fucking hurt ten times worse.

It’s just a matter of when do you want to face the reality of it.

Do you want to do it after you’re already emotionally

invested or do you want to go ahead and fucking

rip the bandaid off in the beginning

and face it for what it is so that you don’t get

hurt. And I’m not saying this is like an

avoidant thing, it’s just a realistic thing.

Like don’t be scared to like people

and scared to like

fall in love and stuff. I’ve never been in love

so don’t fucking ask me about that.

This is not an avoidance thing. This is just

a reality thing. Because you can’t

let your emotions run wild. Like you can’t

just like put your blinders on and like go

with shit. It’s going to hurt you

and it’s not going to lead to anything good.

Trust me. Been there.

Done that. Plenty of times.

That’s why I’m here.

And another way I kind of help myself with this

process of like accepting what it is

and like accepting the compatibility is

like play the tape forward.

Play the tape forward of the situation with

this person. What the fuck is it going to

turn into? Like think

into the future. Not about you

with them. Okay? Not you together.

You separate. Like just look at the situation

and play the tape forward.

Add time to it. What

is the likely possibility like going to

come out of it? And

I’m someone that like even

if this motherfucker like

questioned his sexuality and turned out

to be gay and wanted to come out,

I’m not willing to get with

someone who is freshly out. You gotta

go fuck around and explore and go

get in touch with yourself and do all that.

I’m not being no one’s fucking like hand

holder and like leading them through this

shit. They need to go experience

things and then want to settle down for

a relationship. Like to live your life

hiding with your sexuality and then you finally get the

freedom to explore it and expect to just jump

into a relationship with someone is unrealistic.

I’m not willing to take that chance.

Depends.

Cause I don’t ever know who’s going to come across my path.

And if you write one motherfucker, I’ll do it.

But I will fucking hit you.

But play the tape forward. Even if he did come out,

I wouldn’t want to go for it.

Like you need to go do your shit and explore

and experience things so that you know

what you want in a relationship, one. And two,

know what your type is. Know what you’re into sexually.

You gotta go play around. You gotta go try

all that out. And then you can come back.

We’re not compatible. It’s not going to go nowhere.

So adding time to the

situation and adding like other possibilities,

I saw that in reality it’s not going

to work. There’s like not really any chance

for it to. So even if he is straight

it ain’t going to work. Even if he is gay, I’m

not into that. I’m not going to go down that

road with you if you’re

just discovering your sexuality.

Like I’m too grown for

that shit.

I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

Like is it that I’m grown or is it just that I

fucking know better? I don’t know.

So my next tip with not getting

attached to someone that you’ve just met.

Like this is someone that you’ve met recently

or you don’t know that well.

Right there. You don’t know them that well.

You don’t fucking know them.

So get to know them.

Don’t just start assuming that they like

you as much as you do. Don’t just start assuming

that you’re compatible. Like if I meet a dude

and he’s gay and he’s my type and I’m

his type and it’s like great, okay.

There’s still so much to explore

about each other to see if we’re

actually compatible. What are you like

emotionally? What are you like physically? What are you like

sexually? There’s so much to discover.

There’s so many things that can make you

incompatible besides just like

sex, sexuality, and like

physical appearance. There’s so much more

that you have to discover about a person.

If you have like some weird quirks or if you snore,

no, it’s not happening. I’m not

sleeping with earplugs and I’m not dealing with no

in my fucking ear when I’m sleeping.

My sleep is very important to me. Don’t fuck with it.

But there’s so many different aspects

you need to assess and evaluate

if you actually are gonna

work out with this person. So

if you’re getting to know someone, you have to

understand you have to get to know them first.

They’re a fucking stranger.

You have to realize that. I don’t care how

strongly you feel about someone.

They’re still a fucking stranger. They’re still someone you have to

learn. Like my best friend Alyssa.

I met her when I first moved to Houston

and from the moment

that we fucking met. It was like me, her,

and my friend Randy. It’s like we’re the little trio.

Like we met and we all

meshed so well.

So fucking fast. Like we became

so close and we were so

comfortable after just spending like

10 minutes together. It was like I knew them

my whole fucking life. Like my nipples are hard and I

have the chills talking about it because it freaks me the fuck out.

But we’re so close

so fast and we felt so comfortable

with each other so fast.

And that’s something I hadn’t

experienced before and my like

red flags and like my trust issues were not

flaring up. Like typically they do.

So it was very weird to me

that I felt so trusting

of these people I had literally known

for 24 hours. It was the strangest

fucking experience. But we’re all very tight

today. Like they’re my two best friends. I have a lot

of other close friends but like

the closeness shit that happened.

Why y’all moving the trash can right now?

Why y’all gotta move the trash can right fucking now?

I’m making a podcast.

Thank you for doing your

job. It just wasn’t a convenient time for me.

Okay.

Back to my fucking little thing. I felt so

close to these people so fast.

But I had to remind myself, Leo

yes you’re friends with them.

Yes you feel very close with them and very

comfortable with them. And you guys

work together so well. All your energies

blend. Like they’re socially aware.

They’re emotionally aware. Like they just fucking

get it. And

I had to remind myself, yes you feel

this way toward them but at the same time

you don’t fucking know

them. Though I talk about testing

people a lot. I test everybody.

Like I test a lot of different things.

I do things to test if people are gonna steal

from me. I do things to test their intentions.

I do things to test what type of person they are

and their character. Like I have all kind of tests.

And I’ll probably do an episode about like ways that

I test people because y’all need to start doing it.

But I still have

to get to know

Randy and Alyssa. Like I have to get to

know them even though I feel like

so close to them so fast. And the same thing

happened with my friend David. It was fucking strange.

So that’s what I’m saying. You still have to protect

yourself and watch your own fucking ass

and just understand you have to get

to know this person. I don’t

care how good you feel about them. You don’t fucking

know them. Alright?

And being too trusting

and being too like

hopeful and having too good of a heart

will fuck you.

It will.

I wish that wasn’t

true. But I have too many experiences

of

giving people the benefit of the doubt

and they fuck me over.

I have no experience

of giving someone the benefit of the doubt

and them doing me right.

So I don’t know if that’s

my own situation and my own experiences

and my own like limiting shit

like my perception of the thing but

you have to watch your own fucking ass and I don’t

care how good you feel about somebody. You have

to get to know them first. I’m just gonna leave it there

because if you haven’t had that experience

I’m happy for you and I don’t want to speak like

fear into you but

I will speak reality at you

of like you don’t know people regardless

how good you feel about them or how much you feel

like you know them because I felt like I knew these motherfuckers

my whole life. But I didn’t.

And I had to remind myself of that. Of like okay Leo

you got the feelings but you have to have

the logic too. You have to CYA

cover your ass. And this whole

get to know them situation applies

to people that you’ve also

already known. So like let’s say you’ve been

friends with someone for a while and you guys are

pursuing a relationship or you’re pursuing something

more than a friendship.

Who you know of them is who they

are as a friend. You don’t

know who they are in a relationship.

You don’t know how they are in a relationship. So

that’s another thing you have to check yourself on.

You might know this person

but this is a whole other side you’re going to have to

get to learn if you’re going to take it farther than a friendship.

You have to get to know who they are in a relationship

how they’re going to treat you, what’s going to change

what’s going to shift. They’re a whole different

fucking person. So I want you to look at it

like that. So you don’t go into it

thinking of like certain expectations

you have of them as a friend and then throw

it into the relationship because it might set you up

for disappointment. But you have to

get to know people in the new

role. So like if you have a friend that you’re switching

to a relationship you have to take on

the attitude of like I’m getting to know this

new side of you. I’m getting to know

what it’s like to experience you in this way.

So that’s another reminder.

I don’t care how long you’ve been friends with someone

you have to get to know them in a relationship also.

So just keep your eyes open with that and

like remind yourself you have to get to know them

so you’re not as attached as you feel.

And with

me saying you’re not as attached as you feel

bitch look at the time

look at the fucking time

of how long you’ve known this person.

Like when I met Randy and Alyssa

and we hung out for like the first weekend together

I knew them two days.

And I felt so strongly connected

to them and I was like oh my god

if I lost them I’d be sad.

But if I lost them would

I be that fucked up and that

damaged by it? No girl.

I knew them for two fucking days. Luckily

we’re still friends. We’re still

friends. We’re all very close. We’re all very good. But

my point is like the time thing. You have

to check yourself. Like

how long have you actually known them? How long have you

actually had a crush on them? Like

look at this shit like for real.

Like be fucking for real. BFFR.

Leon what the fuck?

So my next tip for not getting too attached too

quick is do not tie anything

up with this person. Like

make their ability to live your

life seamless

and easy

for a good while. I want

to say like six months but

I know people are going to freak the fuck out if I say that

but like I’m not saying do this

as like an avoidant attachment

style thing. Hi.

But do this to protect

your own ass and like to cover

your own bases.

Like don’t get too

enmeshed and like legally

associated and like

involved. Like don’t be making

no fucking commitments of like getting a

house together. Getting married. Signing

a fucking lease together. Don’t mesh

anything that’s going to bind

them to you and make shit difficult

if you guys do agree to leave.

Because like I said you’re still getting to know each other.

You still have to assess so many things

if you’re compatible or not. So if you’ve

committed to a fucking lease and you’re going to move in together

and you’ve moved into an apartment after three months. That’s how

the gays work. We move fast.

But if you commit to all that

and then you realize okay this person’s not actually

like who I thought they was

or I’m not actually as into them as I

thought or we’re not compatible.

What you going to do now bitch?

Now leaving is going to be ten times harder.

So I’d say give it a minute.

You’ll know when. Because a

situation you won’t be making a decision

off of your emotion. You’ll be making a decision

off of logic. And those

are the decisions to make. Like if you’ve

known someone for a month don’t fucking

buy a house with them. Unless it’s a sugar daddy

and they’re putting it in your name. Let them buy you a house.

But don’t fucking

go get yourself like tied up with people too

quick. That’s going to make you feel a lot

more attached a lot quicker. Because

when you move quicker and you do a lot of

important things it makes you feel more attached.

Like you’re setting this foundation of like

security and stability with a motherfucker you barely

know. That’s going to trick your brain into

thinking you’re way more attached and you care about them

way more than you think. So slow it down

bitch. Hold the voice. Okay?

I’m one to talk though.

Because I like to move quick.

But I’m very certain and sure.

And I know how to judge people’s character

and like you know. Well it’s not about me.

It’s really fucking not. Let me shut up.

But let me just reiterate my point. Make it

as easy as possible for you to

walk away for at least the first

like six months.

Three or four if you can bitch.

Okay? But you still don’t know someone that well.

Like you have to see a lot about a person

to decide that you actually know them.

So don’t get involved

with them. Don’t do shit too quick

that’s going to bind you to them. Allow for the

potential of you guys splitting to be as easy as

possible. Just remember me saying that.

For like a little bit.

So the next thing I want to talk about is before you do

something for the person that you like

you gotta cut all the

strings that you have attached to it.

Like you don’t want to do something for someone with hidden

expectations or hidden hopes or like

anything like that. So a way to weed

that out is ask yourself

before you buy them a gift, before you

book a trip with them, before you do

anything for them or like

with them.

Ask yourself. If we

were to split up and break

up after this, would

I still feel comfortable doing it?

And that’s how you’ll know if you actually want

to do something and if you feel comfortable doing it.

Because a lot of people only like to do

shit with the thought of like, oh, I’m

investing in the relationship.

But you have to see

are you willing to invest in the person

not the relationship. Don’t do

anything for them if you’re not willing

to do it for them and their well-being

and their happiness. Don’t invest shit

or do shit if you

wouldn’t be comfortable with them still having

it if they walk away or if you guys

split up. Like that’s just a thing to

protect you and also to protect

you from doing things that will lead you to feeling

betrayed. Because if you do shit

expecting like you guys stay together

and then you don’t, you’re going to be pissed.

So that’s a good way to know

like if you should or shouldn’t do something. Am I still

comfortable doing it even if we break up?

Am I still comfortable with investing this energy,

time, money, gift, whatever it is

into this person even if I don’t get to share

it with them. And that’ll bring you a lot

of clarity if you should do something or not.

Oh God. Okay, this next one’s a little

controversial. I

personally can’t do this.

But what I’m going to say is

don’t cut off all of your options.

Like play the field a little. Like if you

find someone that you like and you go on a first date

and it goes good, like don’t immediately cut

off everybody else that you’re talking to

or interested in. Because it’s going to help you not

like fixate on them.

Like if you meet this one

person and everything goes good

for like the beginning and you’re just like,

you have nothing else going on, you’re just going to be fixated

on them and you’re going to put all of your hope

and effort into like making that work.

And if it doesn’t work, it’s going to feel a lot more devastating.

But I personally cannot

do this. I don’t talk to people

like that. If I find someone

I’m interested in, I’m 100% there.

I don’t like to split my focus and my attention.

But a lot of people like to date around.

So if you’re someone

that’s comfortable with like dating around and having

a lot of options, do it

until it gets to a point where you’re ready

and certain like, okay, this is the person. Then cut

everybody else off. Don’t do anything disrespectful.

But if you’re not the type

like me to

have a lot of options at once,

I want you to stay fucking

busy. And that’s my next tip is

stay busy with what you’re doing

in your life. Like keep

yourself and your goals your priority.

Work on your own shit.

Go to your fucking job. Do what you need

to do for you. Take care of yourself. Keep going with

your fitness goals. Keep going with whatever goals you

have, whatever you like to do. Stay

consistent with it and keep doing it.

Like maybe do a little bit more because

when you find someone that you’re really interested

in, if you hyper fixate

on them, every little move they

make is going to fucking hurt. It’s going

to like hurt your little heart. Like God

forbid they don’t answer your text fast enough or like

they don’t answer your text all day

because they got busy. It’s like, oh my God, what have I done

wrong? Like I get it. I get it, bitch.

I was like that. So staying

busy and staying in your own shit is going to allow

you to not like hyper fixate on

every move that they make. Like every little action

that they do, if you don’t have anything going

on for yourself and anything that you’re doing, all

you have to do is sit here and overanalyze

everything and it will hurt the fuck out of you if you do

it. Stay busy with your own shit.

Don’t overanalyze every text,

every move, every everything. Like by being

busy, you have less effort

to shove into them and like

watching every move that they make and

like how they might not like you and then oh they

do like me and they don’t like me. It’s like

don’t go through all that mental fucking turmoil.

Stay consistent with what you’re doing. Stay busy.

Allow yourself to have other things to

focus on and not just them. It’s

totally fine to be excited by them. It’s totally

fine to go for them

and like put your effort and energy into them, but

like have other shit you’re doing that with also

so you don’t one, lose

yourself and two, hyper fixate

and get hurt by every little fucking like

slight change in behavior.

And my last tip, my last little point

I want to make is enjoy liking someone

and enjoy the heartbreak of it.

Enjoy getting your feelings hurt

bitch cause nothing makes me thrive more

than getting my feelings hurt.

Like when I like someone, I get

like a boost of energy to be

better, to do better, to look better, to get

more serious about myself, to improve myself

more. Like I get that nice

boost and like rush and inspiration.

So enjoy that.

Like it’s very rare

that I find somebody I like, but when

I do, I feel so good.

So enjoy that while you’ve got it.

Like tap into it. Use it to your advantage.

Use it to level yourself up. Like enjoy

having someone there. Enjoy having

someone that you’re interested by

and that you’re like enamored by and that you just want to look

at and like touch and squeeze and hug.

Like it’s so fun. So just enjoy

that aspect of it and then also enjoy

the fucking heartbreak. Enjoy that shit going south.

Enjoy losing them

because everything that you

lose in that person is going to give you clarity

about everything you want in the next one. So

even if you lose one, you gain insight

about what you truly want out of a person

and like it’s going to be

good. It’s going to be a good learning moment, but enjoy the heartbreak

because that’ll give you that motivation

of like finding the next one

and like leveling yourself up and improving yourself.

Like be a selfish prick like I am.

Like use it to your advantage

because I love some emotional

like fucking willpower.

Like when I’m upset or sad and I go

work out or like I start working on something, I’d be

heartbroken like

getting so much done like fucking

opening new businesses and shit

and fucking like working out like hard as hell because I’m

like lifting out of pure emotion. Like put on some Lana Del Rey

and fucking cry. Put on a little Ethel Kane

and fucking just like rage. Like that’s

the best shit. So literally just

enjoy the process

of it, even if it doesn’t go anywhere.

Like with the boy that was straight that didn’t live here,

like I just enjoyed being

in his company and just I enjoyed the

fact that I liked him. Like I just enjoyed

that sensation of what it’s like to

be enamored with someone.

And then it ended. Like homie left

and I’m fucking on my own shit now. Like

just enjoy that feeling when you’ve got it because it’s

nice. Okay, so now let’s jump

into what would Leo do. So that’s where you

guys write in and ask me for advice on your

situations about what I would do if I

was you. So the first

one is how can you

stay consistent in the gym

when your family doesn’t support you?

So what I had

to understand when I started getting into

fitness is other people are not

going to get it. Your family’s

not going to understand. And they don’t

have to. People do not have

to understand what you’re doing for you to do

it. People do not have to support you

for you to do what you want to do.

If you have a goal, don’t expect

people to understand. Don’t expect people to

support you. It’s nice to have support.

But if someone doesn’t want to support you, don’t

try and force them to. You don’t need support.

And you don’t need people to understand

for you to do what you want to do.

So what I will say is set boundaries

around what your goal is.

So if you have a fitness goal

like you’re talking about, if you have

a certain time you’re going to go to the gym,

or going to the gym is a non-negotiable

for you to get to where you want to go,

make it clear that you have a

boundary around, I will be spending

this time every day at the gym. On

holidays, if I decide to go to the gym,

I’m going to go early or later so I can still

spend time with everyone. I used to do that.

I was in the gym every fucking holiday.

Because my family didn’t really celebrate holidays.

But I didn’t give a fuck. Even if it was someone’s

birthday. Bitch, I’m still going to the fucking gym.

I’m still doing my own shit. On my own birthday,

I go to the goddamn gym.

Just set boundaries around what you’re

going to do. So if working out is

something that you want to do, set a boundary

around it. You’re going to do it. It’s not up for

fucking discussion. You have a goal. You’re going to

work toward it. Same with eating and diet.

If you have a certain goal for

how you want to start eating, set that

boundary. Make it a non-negotiable.

People will offer you food. You don’t

have to take it. You don’t have to eat

what everybody else is eating. And I’m Albanian.

So I know what that fucking

shit is like. My parents love to try and

force-feed me. My cousins be eating

like crazy. Maybe, do you want some? Eat some.

Come on. Come on. They give you a guilt trip

for not eating. I love it. I appreciate

them. But you have to have self-discipline

and self-control to say no.

You can politely say no. I appreciate it.

Thank you. I’m eating clean right now. Whatever it is.

And after you say it a few times, they’re going to

fucking get it. And they’re going to shut the fuck up

and stop offering you shit. Because my friends be offering

me cookies all the time. And I’m like, I can’t

do it. But that’s it. Just set

boundaries around what you’re doing.

And don’t ask for people to

support you. Tell people

you’d like their support. Sure.

But you don’t need their support. You’re going to do it

regardless. All you need people to do

is respect your boundaries and not give

you shit. So they don’t have to support you

but they can shut the fuck up and let

you do what you want to do. You’re not hurting them.

You’re not ruining anything for them. You’re not making their

life difficult. You’re doing your own shit.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. And I’m fucking proud of you.

And it’s going to be difficult, but

you got this shit.

I’ve been through the same thing.

At 12 years old, I started getting into dieting

a little bit. And then 14, I started P90X

and working out. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.

But my family was trying to feed

me certain shit. And I’m like, no, I’m going to have a salad.

I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.

But I got a lot of judgment from everyone around me.

But I still just did it anyways.

Because I was the one that had to be fat, not them.

So I wanted to fix it.

And another thing with that,

and then I’m going to shut up and move to the next one,

is when you are around

people who are not doing what you’re

doing, they’re going to make you feel weird as fuck

for it. So me with my diet and

exercise, I’ve always felt weird

and other people just don’t get it.

Until I started hanging out with people and being friends

with people who get it. All of my

friends now are into fitness. They’re all into

meal plans, working out, dieting.

They’re all about that shit.

And I don’t feel weird

at all. And when I go to their

houses, I can actually eat shit when I’m there

because it’s all healthy shit. It’s all the same shit

that I eat. As soon as you get around people

who are doing the same thing, you’ll feel

supported. You’ll feel understood. They’ll get

it. But people that are not doing

it, you can’t expect to feel like

they get it or understand

or going to support you.

That’s all I’m going to say on that. It does get easier.

I promise. So our next situation

is another one about a fitness-y lifestyle.

Someone said, how do I eat on my

meal plan and not miss going out

to eat with friends and family?

That’s something that I have to deal with a lot.

Everything is about going out to eat.

Anytime you’re going to hang out with someone, it’s like, oh, let’s go

get food. Let’s go get drinks. Let’s go this. Let’s go

that. Everybody has to be eating something all

the time. And when you’re on a meal plan, it’s very hard

to do that.

I’ll give you a couple of tips that I use.

One is if I go to my

friend’s house to hang out, I’ll take a meal

with me so I can just eat it when I’m there.

Another thing that I do

is I’ll eat before

I go hang out with people.

Or if my friends invite me to dinner,

I’ll eat before dinner so that

I have my meal in and I don’t have to worry about fucking it up.

And then I’ll go to dinner with them

and I’ll just get a water or

get a Diet Coke or whatever the fuck and just hang out.

I’m there to share the experience.

I’m there in the atmosphere. We get to hang out.

You don’t have to eat just because you’re at a restaurant.

People might look at you like you’re fucking weird,

but fuck up. Let them mind

their own goddamn business. You can go still

hang out with people and be around them

and not

fuck up your goals. But another thing that

I do with going out to eat, because it is

a little weird to sit there and just

not eat.

Something that I’ll do, and I do this all the time.

You can ask anyone that fucking hangs out with me.

I will go eat at a restaurant

with a friend, but

I’ll take two protein bars

with me. Because that’s 40 grams of protein.

So I’ll literally go to the restaurant

and I’ll eat the protein bars

at the restaurant. And I don’t give a fuck that people look at me.

I don’t give a fuck that people think it’s weird.

Yeah, I bring my goddamn protein bars to the restaurant.

Leave me alone. But I’ll order a salad

and I’ll get like whatever

salad that they have, but I will get

the dressing on the side.

And I usually ask if they have like oil and vinegar

and I get that on the side because vinegar

has zero calories. I don’t put the oil

on it, but I’ll put vinegar on it. But I get a salad

with no dressing, no

croutons, no cheese. It’s literally just a plate

of fucking vegetables if you do that.

And then I’ll put vinegar on it. And then like a little

salt and pepper. Whatever I want. And I’ll

eat my protein bars, and like I get the experience

of going out with

people, hanging out, getting to be in like

the restaurant atmosphere, because I love a restaurant.

But I don’t have to fuck up

my goals. Like I still get to go and

eat something, and I still get to like stay

on track with everything. There’s a way to balance it.

I promise. People might think

it’s a little fucking weird, but

who gives a shit?

Because you’re the one you have to answer to.

You’re the one that has the goals.

And your goals don’t give a fuck about who’s

judging the goals. It’s like you have to do what it takes to get

there, so do it. Even if people

think you’re a little wacko. Because bitch,

see something, say something. Yeah, I’m eating

protein bars and a salad. Who gives a fuck?

Okay, so the last situation

for what would Leo do, is this

person is dealing with phone addiction.

And when they’re studying, like they can’t

get on their phone. Like if something gets hard,

or they get bored, they just get on their phone.

And they get on their phone non-fucking

stop. And they can’t like get off of it.

And it’s fucking with every aspect of their life.

So there’s a whole emotional

side you can go touch on

with addiction, and like phone

addiction and distraction from like something that you

feel. I get it, but it sounds

like you just need more self-control

and like things

to navigate having more

discipline around it. So I’m going to give you those.

If you’re interested in learning about the emotional side of addiction,

look it up.

I would do a video about it, but like

I don’t want to touch on that subject.

Like addiction is like

so touchy, and people are going to fucking try and attack

me for it. But my tip for studying,

if you’re trying to study or do

school work, and you keep getting on your phone,

babe, put your phone in

another fucking room while you study.

It’s going to feel uncomfortable. You’re literally

going to have times, like when I used to have to study,

I would have all my books and shit in front of me, my laptop.

And then I would have like my phone

usually sitting here. And once I would start putting my

phone in another room, I would catch myself

like reaching for my phone and it wasn’t there.

Like my body was just so used to being in the

habit of doing it. You’re going to feel uncomfortable.

It’s going to feel weird. But as

you do it more, your brain’s going to start to

associate study time. Your phone’s

not in the fucking room, and you allow yourself

to focus. But if you have your computer in front

of you too, watch it, bitch. Don’t be playing

on other shit. You need to fucking study. But another

idea for like social media addiction on the phone

is you can set time limits

on your apps. So you can set

a certain amount of time that you’re

allowed to like be on social media apps throughout

the day. So you can set like one hour,

two hours, five hours, whatever you want to set it

as. Like let’s say you’ve been on Instagram for

like two hours today, and your time limit is two

hours. It’s then going to

lock all of your other social media

apps, or whatever ones that you add into the restriction.

And every time you go to open

the app, it’s going to come up with a

screen with like a little timer on it and be like, you’ve exceeded

your screen time for the day. You can

click OK, and it will close it, or you can click

Ignore, and it will let you open the app.

And what I found that to be so useful

for is a lot

of the times when you’re on your phone, you’ll just click an app

like out of habit, but

that screen puts a buffer,

and it puts like one step

extra in front of

your habit and your pattern of like just clicking

onto Instagram on your phone. It’s like if you ever move

shit around on your phone, move the apps around,

your brain’s going to naturally just click where Instagram

was, or click where TikTok was, just by

habit. So having that screen flash

up with the screen time,

it like breaks that moment of like

OK, that was just autopilot, and it puts you like

OK, hang on. But even if you want to

ignore the time limit and get on the

app anyways, I want you to realize

and remind yourself when

you see that screen, and you click

Ignore, I’m choosing this

right now. Like put yourself

in a place of power whether you choose it or

not. That’s my same idea with binge

eating. Put the shit in front of you

and choose it. Don’t just be like

Oh, I’m so powerless to my emotions.

Like don’t take an unempowered

action. Reminding yourself that you’re

in control puts you in a place of power

and you’re free to choose it if you want, but you get

to avoid that guilt. It’ll also make you more

accountable and disciplined because if you look at

it like OK, here’s my screen time limit.

I’ve already exceeded what I’ve wanted to be

on for the day. I can choose to

do it or I can choose not to. You’re not

just powerless to it. Like oh, I just can’t stop

scrolling. It’s like nah bitch, you chose it.

So what now? Like why are you

going to complain when your actions are right in front of you

of why you’re not getting the results that you want?

You see? Another tip I have

for social media addiction and like spending

too much time on it and just scrolling is

unfollow accounts that you don’t

fucking like. And unfollow

accounts that just distract you for no fucking reason.

Like I follow a lot of quote pages and I follow

a lot of people that are like my friends and influencers

that I like, sure. But

I unfollowed a lot of pages that was just like

mindless bullshit. Like I love a meme though.

I be having tons of memes. But

I’m able to like control myself

so I’d say if you feel like you can’t

unfollow a lot of pages that are just

mindless distraction. If it’s not like

a motivation thing, a quote, or like something

that’s going to help you feel better

then don’t

watch it. Don’t like have

everything that you enjoy so much

readily available to you. Like just kind

of like cut back on it because you’ll start

opening your phone and be like, eh, I’m bored. And then you’ll close

it. And then you have to find something else to do.

And that’s my next tip.

Is if you’re going to set a time limit for how much

you can be on your phone, do not

just expect yourself to quit doing

something without something else to

like fill it in or take up your attention.

Because if you’re used to spending it on social media

and then you have nothing to do now

and you’re just sitting here like expecting

yourself to be fine with it, you’re most likely

going to jump back into it. So have something

else planned that you want to do. Get busy with something

else. I don’t want to say read

because that’s so fucking cliche.

But like go read, go do something like

go watch a different type of YouTube video.

Go watch some self-development shit. Like go watch

something that is going to help you

with what you’re doing and not just

be mindless social media. Because you can use

social media to learn things. Like there’s

certain YouTube videos where while

I’m eating, I love to watch a YouTube video.

Every fucking meal of the day, I like to have

a YouTube video and I like to watch it while I eat. I’ve

been like that since I can remember since I’m little. I grew up on

YouTube. But, oh my god,

I’m on YouTube now. Hey, if you’re eating.

But

when I’m watching videos on YouTube, sometimes

I like like mindless shit

and then sometimes I like things that

are like business related or like coaching

related or like psychology related.

And I’ll allow myself to watch these videos

and I don’t beat myself up mentally because I’m

learning something from them. So I still

get to be on social media and like be entertained

but it’s not useless

like mindless social media.

So that’s another thing that I would suggest.

But also give yourself something else to do

or watch and like something else to do with your

time. Like studying or like whatever you

need to fucking get done. Go to the gym. Go on a god damn walk.

Listen to some music. I don’t know.

Give yourself something else to do to occupy your

time because you

have a known way of

filling like voids and

like empty time slots in your

day. So if you just remove

that, you’re going to be faced with what you’re

running from. So have

something else that’s like more productive or more

healthy that will help you

to do.

That’s all I got for What Would Leo Do. If you want to be

featured on next week’s episode or a future

episode, you can submit your situation or whatever

you need advice on. In the description below

I have a link of like the What Would Leo Do

submissions. You just click it. It’s completely anonymous.

You just type your situation and send it in

and I have it all in one spot so I can just like

run through them. Also the link to the Facebook

community that I made for all of us will be in the description.

So go join that right now. Don’t forget.

Go fucking join it. Even if you don’t need advice

right now, like go play in it. Go post something.

Go post a hot. If you found

this episode useful, send it to somebody.

Send it to a friend that you think could benefit or like

share it to your story. I like Instagram stories

because like you guys share it and then I get to share it on mine.

It’s so cute. But I also have a donations

page set up for this podcast. So if

you want to support me and help me keep going with this

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plug. One is my social media. So go

follow me. TikTok and Instagram and all that.

I’ll put that in the description too. And my accountability

templates, like the worksheets that I use

to stay disciplined and accountable. I’ll also

link those in the description where you can download those and

get a copy and see how I’m able to

be so disciplined and accountable and get

so much shit done. Last thing, if you want

to download my app, it’s called Positive Focus.

It will send you positive notifications

to your phone all day long. Nice little things

that you need to hear. It’ll like boost your mood.

Shift your perspective from like what’s going wrong

to like things that make you feel

better. Like what’s positive. Positive Focus.

You see? It’s like a positive mindset shift with like

notifications. Real easy. And I also

have journal prompts in there. So like it’s

Shadow Work journal prompts, but also just like journal

prompts to help you like process

things and get to the root of like what’s going

on. So the link to download that will be

in the description also. It’s available for iPhones

and Androids. So both of those links

are down below. And that’s all I’ve got

for this episode. I hope this was

helpful. I hope you learned something. Leave me

a comment with your feedback or like DM me on

Instagram because I love to get you guys little messages.

I love to hear what you guys have to say. But

join the Facebook community goddammit.

And I look forward to talking to you next Sunday.