Hi friends! So this week I’m going to give you all my tips for how to not get attached to people so fast.
Because my Pisces ass, please. I used to get attached to people like that.
Like it was so annoying how quick I would like plan my future with someone.
Like I’d meet them, I would see them across the room and be like, boom, we’re dating, we’re married.
I found the one! Like I used to get so attached to people so goddamn quick.
And I would hurt my own feelings a lot because I would like get excited by a situation or get excited by a person
and then it wouldn’t work, you know.
So I’m going to give you all my tips on how to not get attached so quick.
Because a lot of you guys deal with that and a lot of you guys have written in and asked me to cover this.
So I’m going to do it.
But I have a little announcement to make.
I made a Facebook community for all of us.
So I made a page on Facebook.
It’s like a Facebook group where all of you guys can join it.
It’s going to be free.
But all of you guys can join it and it’s going to be a private group.
So anything you post in there or I post in there, it’s like only for the group to see.
But I wanted to make a little community so that you guys could go in and like talk to each other, make some friends, one.
But two, if you ever need advice on something or you just want to like get another opinion on a situation that you’re going through
from someone who’s not in it and from someone who fucking gets it.
Because if you listen to this podcast and you’re like me, your brain just works right, babe.
Love you for it.
But I made the Facebook group so that you guys could go in and talk to each other.
So if you have a situation or you want advice on something, go in and post in the Facebook group.
And like comment back to each other.
Shoot shit back and forth.
Like give your two cents.
Help people out with their situations.
And like when you’re going through something, feel free to go in there and vent and like get advice.
It’s like we all get it and we can all be there for each other.
I’ll go in and I’ll be like commenting back and shit too.
And I wanted to give you guys a sense of belonging and feel like you have somewhere you can go and someone you can talk to at all times.
Because there’s a lot of you guys that watch this and follow me.
So I wanted to give us all a space where we can like belong and like be friends.
So I’ll put the link to where you can join the Facebook community in the description of this podcast.
Just click the link.
It’s going to be on Facebook.
I know we don’t like Facebook.
Facebook’s kind of weird.
But I feel like this is the best place to do it because it’s easy.
I don’t want to make a fucking discord.
Like that’s too goddamn difficult.
Like a little chat room.
No, this is not fucking kick.
So the Facebook group just makes it easy.
But I’m really excited about it.
And I hope you guys are too.
So go join as soon as you see this.
And start posting, bitch.
Don’t be scared.
Don’t be scared to post in there.
Don’t be scared to comment back.
It’s a safe goddamn space.
And if I see a little fucking rat in there running their mouth or being rude, I’m booting you the fuck out.
It’s a privilege to be in our little community.
So be polite.
Check each other politely when you need to be checked.
Like if someone puts a situation where they’re the asshole, politely let them know.
But if someone’s in there just talking shit or dogging you, I’m going to boot them the fuck out.
I’m not playing no bullying shit.
And most likely we’re going to bully them back.
Because it’s our community.
We can do whatever the fuck we want.
But like I said, don’t be scared to post in there.
Don’t be scared to be vulnerable.
Don’t be scared to be vulnerable because it’s just a community of people who fucking get it.
Like we’re all there for each other.
We all understand our emotions.
We understand how to be there for each other.
We all know how to comfort people.
We all listen to this.
Like all of you have like an advanced level of awareness.
So I want to make a little place where we can all hang out.
So the link is in the description to join it.
Go fucking join it.
Thank you so much.
And post in there.
Make some friends.
Talk to some people and give some advice.
I love that.
And I’ll be in there too, like I said.
I’ll be watching you.
I’ll be watching for these little motherfuckers that want to bully people that I care about.
Because you’re done for.
But anyway, let’s jump into how to not get attached to people so quickly.
Because I’ve got you.
I’ve got a list of tips and some situations and some things.
And I’m going to have to be vulnerable and share some of my personal shit.
But I’m going to do it because it’s going to benefit you.
It’s going to embarrass the fuck out of me.
But it’s going to benefit you.
So I’ll share it.
So with not getting attached to people too fast, it’s totally normal to get excited by someone new.
Whether it’s a friend or like someone you’re interested in to date.
It’s totally normal to be excited about it.
And be like, oh my god, like you’re going to feel a lot of things.
And my punk ass used to take it too fucking far.
Like I said, like I would be attached to you immediately.
And then I would feel like a sense of betrayal when someone didn’t like me back.
Or they didn’t like live up to the image I just like made up in my head of them.
And like what we could be.
Like I would hurt my own fucking feelings all the time.
Like I’d feel betrayed.
Like how did you not like me this much?
Like we were supposed to be together.
Like as soon as I decide that I like you, whether I told you or not.
I don’t want you talking to nobody else.
Not a single soul, bitch.
Don’t look at nobody but me.
Don’t talk to nobody but me.
You better only love me.
I’m kind of kidding, but like I’m kind of not.
Like I still am very like territorial.
And like if I like you, I’m going to get upset by every fucking thing you do.
But these are my ways to kind of like knock this out.
So my first two little tips.
The first one is be realistic.
What is the situation at hand?
Like what is going on right now?
Like let’s say I just met some person.
And I like feel all these things about them.
And I’m like, oh my God, they could be the one.
Like you know how your brain just kind of like flips into like overdrive
and starts convincing you of all this shit and makes things bigger than it is?
This is going to help you stop that and like re-let the fuck back in.
Because don’t go too far.
You’re going to hurt your own feelings like I do, okay?
Just trust me.
Get realistic about what the situation is at hand.
So let’s say you meet someone and you’re super attracted to them.
You’re super interested in them.
You feel very drawn to them.
You like them.
You’re obsessed with them.
Because that’s how I get.
Like I will be obsessed with someone in like ten seconds.
I would say five.
But ten seconds.
It takes me to know if I’m obsessed with you or not.
And I have a weird thing where like I can feel people.
I don’t know how to explain it.
But like I can just feel someone’s heart.
I don’t know if it’s their energy.
I don’t know if it’s their heart.
But I know intentions and I can feel it.
Like I can feel who people are at the core.
And it’s like if I look into someone’s face, I can see like the wall.
And then I can see what’s behind it.
Like I see people for who they are and it scares the fuck out of people.
Like my friends, when we have like deep conversations, and any of the people that I coach one-on-one,
like they understand I just know shit I’m not supposed to know.
And I see things I’m not supposed to see.
Like my friend Randy and me had a talk the other night.
And I was like looking in his eyes.
And he’s like, can you stop looking at me?
I feel like you’re looking into my soul.
I just have this thing I can do that.
Like I just like see past everything and then I see everything unfold.
Like when someone describes a situation that they’re in or what they’re feeling,
it’s like I can automatically just like see everything that unfolded to get them there.
It’s the weirdest fucking shit.
I don’t know if it’s intuition.
I don’t know if it’s clairvoyance.
But I love it.
But it hurts my feelings a lot.
Because like I said, I can see through people.
But back on track with being realistic about someone.
Let’s say you meet someone and you feel all these things toward them.
Like you’re obsessed with them.
You like them.
You’re like oh my god.
They’re like everything you want.
You enjoy being around them.
Get realistic with the situation.
What is going on currently?
Like I just met someone.
I see a lot of things in them that I like.
I’m interested in them.
I care to get to know them.
But I don’t know them yet.
Like you feel all these strong emotions toward somebody.
You still don’t know who the fuck that is.
I know that’s weird.
And it seems kind of like mean to say.
But you can meet someone and feel some things there.
But to immediately be like I love you.
I care about you.
You don’t know them to care about them.
You can care about their well-being.
You can be interested in them.
You can like things about them.
You can appreciate things about them.
But you’re not just in love with them.
You don’t immediately just care about them.
And they don’t immediately just like have a grip on your heart.
I know it feels like that sometimes.
But I want to set your mind at ease from that.
Like get realistic with the situation.
You’ve just met bags.
Like step one was a situation at hand.
You met this person you feel strong feelings for.
You feel like you appreciate a lot of things about them.
You’re attracted to them.
You like them.
You want to get to know them.
You feel drawn to them.
That’s all fine things to communicate.
Like that’s what’s going on inside you.
That’s all the shit that’s like running around in your brain and in your little heart.
But getting clear with the situation at hand is going to help you kind of like get back in the moment
and detach your brain from like going forward and like running with the fucking story of like,
oh, my God, what this could be.
Because it’s like if you just let yourself meet someone,
you meet them a couple of times, whatever it is,
and then you automatically start assuming like, oh, my God, we’re going to date.
We’re going to this.
We’re going to that.
And then you find out they’re talking to somebody else.
It’s like stab in the heart.
Bitch, I know it.
I’ve been there.
Like you can’t assume shit.
So that’s really what it does.
It’s like getting clear on what the situation is and like speaking it to yourself of like,
I’ve just met this person.
I feel these vibes.
It like knocks out all of your assumptions of how things are going to go,
and it kind of removes your expectations of like what’s going to come from the situation.
Because if you immediately meet somebody and you like them a lot
and you like convince yourself of a certain thing or something’s going on
and they don’t behave accordingly,
it’s going to fuck with you.
Like when I like somebody and I haven’t said anything yet,
but I really like somebody at a party or some shit,
like I meet someone out and I really, really like them,
and they don’t know me yet and they’re like talking to other people.
They’re floating around the party.
They’re doing whatever they want.
Old me would have secretly been like, what the fuck?
Like pissed off, like butthurt that you’re not like coming up to me.
Like, don’t you know that I love you?
I wish I was being fucking dramatic, but I used to get attached to people quick.
But that’s a big thing is just get in the reality of the situation.
What is actually going on right now?
Not what could happen, not what should happen,
because your expectations are going to get caught up into it too.
Like you’re not going to expect them to behave a certain way or do anything.
So it’s going to keep you from feeling betrayed.
Like so just get clear what the fuck is going on right now.
My next tip, tip number two,
is once you already like are getting to know someone
and you feel like you’re getting attached very quickly,
this is my go-to fucking tip to check myself.
And I have one of these personally.
And what I’m about to talk about is a boyfriend scoreboard.
I literally have a fucking scoreboard for every guy that I meet
that I might be interested in.
I have an entire list of every single trait
that I would have in my ideal partner.
Like everything I want in a partner,
I have, it’s a literal like three or four page word document.
And it’s long as fuck.
And what I do with this document is every guy that I meet,
I’ll make them their own copy of it.
And then I’ll put, like it’s in a table.
So like everything that I want is listed here.
And then their name is at the top.
And then there’s a blank checkbox on the side.
Everything that they are, I’ll check it off.
Like I’ll put an X in the thing that everything that they are.
And having the scoreboard with like everything that I want in a person,
when you feel like you like someone a lot
or you feel like something’s like going on very strong,
you’re like, oh my God, this is going to put you in the reality
of who the fuck is in front of you and what you’re dealing with.
Because your emotions will misguide you.
They will make you feel like you’re up this person’s ass.
Like obsessed with them more than you actually are or should be.
So this is a good like a reality check.
So I literally will score each guy I’m potentially interested in
against my scoreboard.
And I see how much you fill in.
And I have a promise to myself,
I will not trip over somebody who does not fill out the scoreboard.
I’m not going to let myself get upset over them.
I’m not going to let myself freak out because they’re not what I want.
I’ll entertain it. I’ll have fun with it.
I’ll see how much they fill it out.
If they fill it out most of the way,
eh, we’re going to take some leeway.
We’re going to like go for the bitch.
But I’m not fully going to let myself like freak out
or like bug out over someone
who doesn’t at least fill in like 90% of my scoreboard.
Because there’s a lot of shit on there, girl.
But doing this will help you see the person in front of you.
Because you’re going to be convinced
and like blinded by your emotions
thinking that they’re so great.
But when you put them on paper next to everything you want in a partner,
you’re going to see,
oh fuck, like they don’t actually match up
as much as I thought.
And it’s going to kill some of that excitement,
which is good.
Because it’s going to make you hesitate
with feeling so attached to them.
And I know that’s kind of like fucked up
and like, what’s it called, cynical?
Is that the word?
It’s kind of like putting a negative nelly.
Like it’s putting a damper on things when you do that.
But it’s a good reality check
when you feel yourself getting attached too quick
or you feel like you’re moving too fast
or you feel too strongly.
It’s a good reality check because it’s not being negative.
It’s being realistic.
What the fuck’s actually going on here?
Because you can sit here and play in your emotions
in the way that you feel all you want.
It’s going to fuck you up, alright?
So put the motherfucker next to your scoreboard.
Make a full list of everything you want in a partner
and then score them against it.
Or a girlfriend’s scoreboard.
Or a VVM scoreboard.
Whatever you’re fucking into.
Make a little scoreboard and score this person up
against everything that you want in a partner.
And the next tip I have about reality of something
is what I’m going to talk about.
A situation I recently went through
where I got a crush on a straight boy.
So after you face reality,
you see what the situation is for what it is.
You make a scoreboard.
Even if you don’t make the boyfriend’s scoreboard, whatever.
Assess the situation.
Tell yourself what is actually going on.
Get in the reality of it.
And then you have to assess,
are we actually even compatible?
What actually could come from this?
Because I met someone a few weeks ago.
And upon meeting him,
I was obsessed with him.
I loved everything about his energy,
his personality. He was fun as shit.
He was cute. I was like, hell yeah!
I was down with the get down.
I was like, what the fuck?
People like this don’t come across my path often.
So it caught my attention a lot.
I love the fuck out of this man
from the moment I’ve seen him.
So I felt this extreme and very intense
interest in this dude.
I was like, oh my god. I was so fucking excited.
But I had to give myself
a reality check with
asking if we’re actually even compatible.
Because the motherfucker
Number one. Number two.
He does not live in this country.
So with those two things,
what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
You gotta get in the reality and see if you’re actually compatible.
Because one, you’re straight.
You’re not interested
in me. And two,
you do not fucking live in this country
like they were visiting.
Being realistic, where do I actually think
this will go? Bitch, it’s gonna
stop here. It’s not fucking going nowhere.
But the way I used to be is I would
still get hopeful. I would still get excited.
I would allow myself to
start thinking I had feelings
for this person and get so involved
and then break my own heart
when I faced the reality that
he was fucking straight. Girl,
face that shit at the beginning and save yourself.
Get your emotions in check
and reel it in.
You have to accept things are what they are.
You really just have to accept
the situation for what it is and acknowledge
it up front. Because if you just
feel intensely towards someone and you just
put blinders on and you don’t want to face reality
and you just go forward into it,
one day you’re going to get too far down the line
and then you’re going to take those blinders off
and you’re going to have to face the reality of
the motherfucker’s straight and don’t live here.
And then it’s going to feel like a fucking dagger
through your chest because you’re like,
it’s going to fucking hurt ten times worse.
It’s just a matter of when do you want to face the reality of it.
Do you want to do it after you’re already emotionally
invested or do you want to go ahead and fucking
rip the bandaid off in the beginning
and face it for what it is so that you don’t get
hurt. And I’m not saying this is like an
avoidant thing, it’s just a realistic thing.
Like don’t be scared to like people
and scared to like
fall in love and stuff. I’ve never been in love
so don’t fucking ask me about that.
This is not an avoidance thing. This is just
a reality thing. Because you can’t
let your emotions run wild. Like you can’t
just like put your blinders on and like go
with shit. It’s going to hurt you
and it’s not going to lead to anything good.
Trust me. Been there.
Done that. Plenty of times.
That’s why I’m here.
And another way I kind of help myself with this
process of like accepting what it is
and like accepting the compatibility is
like play the tape forward.
Play the tape forward of the situation with
this person. What the fuck is it going to
turn into? Like think
into the future. Not about you
with them. Okay? Not you together.
You separate. Like just look at the situation
and play the tape forward.
Add time to it. What
is the likely possibility like going to
come out of it? And
I’m someone that like even
if this motherfucker like
questioned his sexuality and turned out
to be gay and wanted to come out,
I’m not willing to get with
someone who is freshly out. You gotta
go fuck around and explore and go
get in touch with yourself and do all that.
I’m not being no one’s fucking like hand
holder and like leading them through this
shit. They need to go experience
things and then want to settle down for
a relationship. Like to live your life
hiding with your sexuality and then you finally get the
freedom to explore it and expect to just jump
into a relationship with someone is unrealistic.
I’m not willing to take that chance.
Cause I don’t ever know who’s going to come across my path.
And if you write one motherfucker, I’ll do it.
But I will fucking hit you.
But play the tape forward. Even if he did come out,
I wouldn’t want to go for it.
Like you need to go do your shit and explore
and experience things so that you know
what you want in a relationship, one. And two,
know what your type is. Know what you’re into sexually.
You gotta go play around. You gotta go try
all that out. And then you can come back.
We’re not compatible. It’s not going to go nowhere.
So adding time to the
situation and adding like other possibilities,
I saw that in reality it’s not going
to work. There’s like not really any chance
for it to. So even if he is straight
it ain’t going to work. Even if he is gay, I’m
not into that. I’m not going to go down that
road with you if you’re
just discovering your sexuality.
Like I’m too grown for
I don’t know if that makes sense or not.
Like is it that I’m grown or is it just that I
fucking know better? I don’t know.
So my next tip with not getting
attached to someone that you’ve just met.
Like this is someone that you’ve met recently
or you don’t know that well.
Right there. You don’t know them that well.
You don’t fucking know them.
So get to know them.
Don’t just start assuming that they like
you as much as you do. Don’t just start assuming
that you’re compatible. Like if I meet a dude
and he’s gay and he’s my type and I’m
his type and it’s like great, okay.
There’s still so much to explore
about each other to see if we’re
actually compatible. What are you like
emotionally? What are you like physically? What are you like
sexually? There’s so much to discover.
There’s so many things that can make you
incompatible besides just like
sex, sexuality, and like
physical appearance. There’s so much more
that you have to discover about a person.
If you have like some weird quirks or if you snore,
no, it’s not happening. I’m not
sleeping with earplugs and I’m not dealing with no
in my fucking ear when I’m sleeping.
My sleep is very important to me. Don’t fuck with it.
But there’s so many different aspects
you need to assess and evaluate
if you actually are gonna
work out with this person. So
if you’re getting to know someone, you have to
understand you have to get to know them first.
They’re a fucking stranger.
You have to realize that. I don’t care how
strongly you feel about someone.
They’re still a fucking stranger. They’re still someone you have to
learn. Like my best friend Alyssa.
I met her when I first moved to Houston
and from the moment
that we fucking met. It was like me, her,
and my friend Randy. It’s like we’re the little trio.
Like we met and we all
meshed so well.
So fucking fast. Like we became
so close and we were so
comfortable after just spending like
10 minutes together. It was like I knew them
my whole fucking life. Like my nipples are hard and I
have the chills talking about it because it freaks me the fuck out.
But we’re so close
so fast and we felt so comfortable
with each other so fast.
And that’s something I hadn’t
experienced before and my like
red flags and like my trust issues were not
flaring up. Like typically they do.
So it was very weird to me
that I felt so trusting
of these people I had literally known
for 24 hours. It was the strangest
fucking experience. But we’re all very tight
today. Like they’re my two best friends. I have a lot
of other close friends but like
the closeness shit that happened.
Why y’all moving the trash can right now?
Why y’all gotta move the trash can right fucking now?
I’m making a podcast.
Thank you for doing your
job. It just wasn’t a convenient time for me.
Back to my fucking little thing. I felt so
close to these people so fast.
But I had to remind myself, Leo
yes you’re friends with them.
Yes you feel very close with them and very
comfortable with them. And you guys
work together so well. All your energies
blend. Like they’re socially aware.
They’re emotionally aware. Like they just fucking
get it. And
I had to remind myself, yes you feel
this way toward them but at the same time
you don’t fucking know
them. Though I talk about testing
people a lot. I test everybody.
Like I test a lot of different things.
I do things to test if people are gonna steal
from me. I do things to test their intentions.
I do things to test what type of person they are
and their character. Like I have all kind of tests.
And I’ll probably do an episode about like ways that
I test people because y’all need to start doing it.
But I still have
to get to know
Randy and Alyssa. Like I have to get to
know them even though I feel like
so close to them so fast. And the same thing
happened with my friend David. It was fucking strange.
So that’s what I’m saying. You still have to protect
yourself and watch your own fucking ass
and just understand you have to get
to know this person. I don’t
care how good you feel about them. You don’t fucking
know them. Alright?
And being too trusting
and being too like
hopeful and having too good of a heart
will fuck you.
I wish that wasn’t
true. But I have too many experiences
giving people the benefit of the doubt
and they fuck me over.
I have no experience
of giving someone the benefit of the doubt
and them doing me right.
So I don’t know if that’s
my own situation and my own experiences
and my own like limiting shit
like my perception of the thing but
you have to watch your own fucking ass and I don’t
care how good you feel about somebody. You have
to get to know them first. I’m just gonna leave it there
because if you haven’t had that experience
I’m happy for you and I don’t want to speak like
fear into you but
I will speak reality at you
of like you don’t know people regardless
how good you feel about them or how much you feel
like you know them because I felt like I knew these motherfuckers
my whole life. But I didn’t.
And I had to remind myself of that. Of like okay Leo
you got the feelings but you have to have
the logic too. You have to CYA
cover your ass. And this whole
get to know them situation applies
to people that you’ve also
already known. So like let’s say you’ve been
friends with someone for a while and you guys are
pursuing a relationship or you’re pursuing something
more than a friendship.
Who you know of them is who they
are as a friend. You don’t
know who they are in a relationship.
You don’t know how they are in a relationship. So
that’s another thing you have to check yourself on.
You might know this person
but this is a whole other side you’re going to have to
get to learn if you’re going to take it farther than a friendship.
You have to get to know who they are in a relationship
how they’re going to treat you, what’s going to change
what’s going to shift. They’re a whole different
fucking person. So I want you to look at it
like that. So you don’t go into it
thinking of like certain expectations
you have of them as a friend and then throw
it into the relationship because it might set you up
for disappointment. But you have to
get to know people in the new
role. So like if you have a friend that you’re switching
to a relationship you have to take on
the attitude of like I’m getting to know this
new side of you. I’m getting to know
what it’s like to experience you in this way.
So that’s another reminder.
I don’t care how long you’ve been friends with someone
you have to get to know them in a relationship also.
So just keep your eyes open with that and
like remind yourself you have to get to know them
so you’re not as attached as you feel.
me saying you’re not as attached as you feel
bitch look at the time
look at the fucking time
of how long you’ve known this person.
Like when I met Randy and Alyssa
and we hung out for like the first weekend together
I knew them two days.
And I felt so strongly connected
to them and I was like oh my god
if I lost them I’d be sad.
But if I lost them would
I be that fucked up and that
damaged by it? No girl.
I knew them for two fucking days. Luckily
we’re still friends. We’re still
friends. We’re all very close. We’re all very good. But
my point is like the time thing. You have
to check yourself. Like
how long have you actually known them? How long have you
actually had a crush on them? Like
look at this shit like for real.
Like be fucking for real. BFFR.
Leon what the fuck?
So my next tip for not getting too attached too
quick is do not tie anything
up with this person. Like
make their ability to live your
for a good while. I want
to say like six months but
I know people are going to freak the fuck out if I say that
but like I’m not saying do this
as like an avoidant attachment
style thing. Hi.
But do this to protect
your own ass and like to cover
your own bases.
Like don’t get too
enmeshed and like legally
associated and like
involved. Like don’t be making
no fucking commitments of like getting a
house together. Getting married. Signing
a fucking lease together. Don’t mesh
anything that’s going to bind
them to you and make shit difficult
if you guys do agree to leave.
Because like I said you’re still getting to know each other.
You still have to assess so many things
if you’re compatible or not. So if you’ve
committed to a fucking lease and you’re going to move in together
and you’ve moved into an apartment after three months. That’s how
the gays work. We move fast.
But if you commit to all that
and then you realize okay this person’s not actually
like who I thought they was
or I’m not actually as into them as I
thought or we’re not compatible.
What you going to do now bitch?
Now leaving is going to be ten times harder.
So I’d say give it a minute.
You’ll know when. Because a
situation you won’t be making a decision
off of your emotion. You’ll be making a decision
off of logic. And those
are the decisions to make. Like if you’ve
known someone for a month don’t fucking
buy a house with them. Unless it’s a sugar daddy
and they’re putting it in your name. Let them buy you a house.
But don’t fucking
go get yourself like tied up with people too
quick. That’s going to make you feel a lot
more attached a lot quicker. Because
when you move quicker and you do a lot of
important things it makes you feel more attached.
Like you’re setting this foundation of like
security and stability with a motherfucker you barely
know. That’s going to trick your brain into
thinking you’re way more attached and you care about them
way more than you think. So slow it down
bitch. Hold the voice. Okay?
I’m one to talk though.
Because I like to move quick.
But I’m very certain and sure.
And I know how to judge people’s character
and like you know. Well it’s not about me.
It’s really fucking not. Let me shut up.
But let me just reiterate my point. Make it
as easy as possible for you to
walk away for at least the first
like six months.
Three or four if you can bitch.
Okay? But you still don’t know someone that well.
Like you have to see a lot about a person
to decide that you actually know them.
So don’t get involved
with them. Don’t do shit too quick
that’s going to bind you to them. Allow for the
potential of you guys splitting to be as easy as
possible. Just remember me saying that.
For like a little bit.
So the next thing I want to talk about is before you do
something for the person that you like
you gotta cut all the
strings that you have attached to it.
Like you don’t want to do something for someone with hidden
expectations or hidden hopes or like
anything like that. So a way to weed
that out is ask yourself
before you buy them a gift, before you
book a trip with them, before you do
anything for them or like
Ask yourself. If we
were to split up and break
up after this, would
I still feel comfortable doing it?
And that’s how you’ll know if you actually want
to do something and if you feel comfortable doing it.
Because a lot of people only like to do
shit with the thought of like, oh, I’m
investing in the relationship.
But you have to see
are you willing to invest in the person
not the relationship. Don’t do
anything for them if you’re not willing
to do it for them and their well-being
and their happiness. Don’t invest shit
or do shit if you
wouldn’t be comfortable with them still having
it if they walk away or if you guys
split up. Like that’s just a thing to
protect you and also to protect
you from doing things that will lead you to feeling
betrayed. Because if you do shit
expecting like you guys stay together
and then you don’t, you’re going to be pissed.
So that’s a good way to know
like if you should or shouldn’t do something. Am I still
comfortable doing it even if we break up?
Am I still comfortable with investing this energy,
time, money, gift, whatever it is
into this person even if I don’t get to share
it with them. And that’ll bring you a lot
of clarity if you should do something or not.
Oh God. Okay, this next one’s a little
personally can’t do this.
But what I’m going to say is
don’t cut off all of your options.
Like play the field a little. Like if you
find someone that you like and you go on a first date
and it goes good, like don’t immediately cut
off everybody else that you’re talking to
or interested in. Because it’s going to help you not
like fixate on them.
Like if you meet this one
person and everything goes good
for like the beginning and you’re just like,
you have nothing else going on, you’re just going to be fixated
on them and you’re going to put all of your hope
and effort into like making that work.
And if it doesn’t work, it’s going to feel a lot more devastating.
But I personally cannot
do this. I don’t talk to people
like that. If I find someone
I’m interested in, I’m 100% there.
I don’t like to split my focus and my attention.
But a lot of people like to date around.
So if you’re someone
that’s comfortable with like dating around and having
a lot of options, do it
until it gets to a point where you’re ready
and certain like, okay, this is the person. Then cut
everybody else off. Don’t do anything disrespectful.
But if you’re not the type
like me to
have a lot of options at once,
I want you to stay fucking
busy. And that’s my next tip is
stay busy with what you’re doing
in your life. Like keep
yourself and your goals your priority.
Work on your own shit.
Go to your fucking job. Do what you need
to do for you. Take care of yourself. Keep going with
your fitness goals. Keep going with whatever goals you
have, whatever you like to do. Stay
consistent with it and keep doing it.
Like maybe do a little bit more because
when you find someone that you’re really interested
in, if you hyper fixate
on them, every little move they
make is going to fucking hurt. It’s going
to like hurt your little heart. Like God
forbid they don’t answer your text fast enough or like
they don’t answer your text all day
because they got busy. It’s like, oh my God, what have I done
wrong? Like I get it. I get it, bitch.
I was like that. So staying
busy and staying in your own shit is going to allow
you to not like hyper fixate on
every move that they make. Like every little action
that they do, if you don’t have anything going
on for yourself and anything that you’re doing, all
you have to do is sit here and overanalyze
everything and it will hurt the fuck out of you if you do
it. Stay busy with your own shit.
Don’t overanalyze every text,
every move, every everything. Like by being
busy, you have less effort
to shove into them and like
watching every move that they make and
like how they might not like you and then oh they
do like me and they don’t like me. It’s like
don’t go through all that mental fucking turmoil.
Stay consistent with what you’re doing. Stay busy.
Allow yourself to have other things to
focus on and not just them. It’s
totally fine to be excited by them. It’s totally
fine to go for them
and like put your effort and energy into them, but
like have other shit you’re doing that with also
so you don’t one, lose
yourself and two, hyper fixate
and get hurt by every little fucking like
slight change in behavior.
And my last tip, my last little point
I want to make is enjoy liking someone
and enjoy the heartbreak of it.
Enjoy getting your feelings hurt
bitch cause nothing makes me thrive more
than getting my feelings hurt.
Like when I like someone, I get
like a boost of energy to be
better, to do better, to look better, to get
more serious about myself, to improve myself
more. Like I get that nice
boost and like rush and inspiration.
So enjoy that.
Like it’s very rare
that I find somebody I like, but when
I do, I feel so good.
So enjoy that while you’ve got it.
Like tap into it. Use it to your advantage.
Use it to level yourself up. Like enjoy
having someone there. Enjoy having
someone that you’re interested by
and that you’re like enamored by and that you just want to look
at and like touch and squeeze and hug.
Like it’s so fun. So just enjoy
that aspect of it and then also enjoy
the fucking heartbreak. Enjoy that shit going south.
Enjoy losing them
because everything that you
lose in that person is going to give you clarity
about everything you want in the next one. So
even if you lose one, you gain insight
about what you truly want out of a person
and like it’s going to be
good. It’s going to be a good learning moment, but enjoy the heartbreak
because that’ll give you that motivation
of like finding the next one
and like leveling yourself up and improving yourself.
Like be a selfish prick like I am.
Like use it to your advantage
because I love some emotional
like fucking willpower.
Like when I’m upset or sad and I go
work out or like I start working on something, I’d be
getting so much done like fucking
opening new businesses and shit
and fucking like working out like hard as hell because I’m
like lifting out of pure emotion. Like put on some Lana Del Rey
and fucking cry. Put on a little Ethel Kane
and fucking just like rage. Like that’s
the best shit. So literally just
enjoy the process
of it, even if it doesn’t go anywhere.
Like with the boy that was straight that didn’t live here,
like I just enjoyed being
in his company and just I enjoyed the
fact that I liked him. Like I just enjoyed
that sensation of what it’s like to
be enamored with someone.
And then it ended. Like homie left
and I’m fucking on my own shit now. Like
just enjoy that feeling when you’ve got it because it’s
nice. Okay, so now let’s jump
into what would Leo do. So that’s where you
guys write in and ask me for advice on your
situations about what I would do if I
was you. So the first
one is how can you
stay consistent in the gym
when your family doesn’t support you?
So what I had
to understand when I started getting into
fitness is other people are not
going to get it. Your family’s
not going to understand. And they don’t
have to. People do not have
to understand what you’re doing for you to do
it. People do not have to support you
for you to do what you want to do.
If you have a goal, don’t expect
people to understand. Don’t expect people to
support you. It’s nice to have support.
But if someone doesn’t want to support you, don’t
try and force them to. You don’t need support.
And you don’t need people to understand
for you to do what you want to do.
So what I will say is set boundaries
around what your goal is.
So if you have a fitness goal
like you’re talking about, if you have
a certain time you’re going to go to the gym,
or going to the gym is a non-negotiable
for you to get to where you want to go,
make it clear that you have a
boundary around, I will be spending
this time every day at the gym. On
holidays, if I decide to go to the gym,
I’m going to go early or later so I can still
spend time with everyone. I used to do that.
I was in the gym every fucking holiday.
Because my family didn’t really celebrate holidays.
But I didn’t give a fuck. Even if it was someone’s
birthday. Bitch, I’m still going to the fucking gym.
I’m still doing my own shit. On my own birthday,
I go to the goddamn gym.
Just set boundaries around what you’re
going to do. So if working out is
something that you want to do, set a boundary
around it. You’re going to do it. It’s not up for
fucking discussion. You have a goal. You’re going to
work toward it. Same with eating and diet.
If you have a certain goal for
how you want to start eating, set that
boundary. Make it a non-negotiable.
People will offer you food. You don’t
have to take it. You don’t have to eat
what everybody else is eating. And I’m Albanian.
So I know what that fucking
shit is like. My parents love to try and
force-feed me. My cousins be eating
like crazy. Maybe, do you want some? Eat some.
Come on. Come on. They give you a guilt trip
for not eating. I love it. I appreciate
them. But you have to have self-discipline
and self-control to say no.
You can politely say no. I appreciate it.
Thank you. I’m eating clean right now. Whatever it is.
And after you say it a few times, they’re going to
fucking get it. And they’re going to shut the fuck up
and stop offering you shit. Because my friends be offering
me cookies all the time. And I’m like, I can’t
do it. But that’s it. Just set
boundaries around what you’re doing.
And don’t ask for people to
support you. Tell people
you’d like their support. Sure.
But you don’t need their support. You’re going to do it
regardless. All you need people to do
is respect your boundaries and not give
you shit. So they don’t have to support you
but they can shut the fuck up and let
you do what you want to do. You’re not hurting them.
You’re not ruining anything for them. You’re not making their
life difficult. You’re doing your own shit.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. And I’m fucking proud of you.
And it’s going to be difficult, but
you got this shit.
I’ve been through the same thing.
At 12 years old, I started getting into dieting
a little bit. And then 14, I started P90X
and working out. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
But my family was trying to feed
me certain shit. And I’m like, no, I’m going to have a salad.
I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
But I got a lot of judgment from everyone around me.
But I still just did it anyways.
Because I was the one that had to be fat, not them.
So I wanted to fix it.
And another thing with that,
and then I’m going to shut up and move to the next one,
is when you are around
people who are not doing what you’re
doing, they’re going to make you feel weird as fuck
for it. So me with my diet and
exercise, I’ve always felt weird
and other people just don’t get it.
Until I started hanging out with people and being friends
with people who get it. All of my
friends now are into fitness. They’re all into
meal plans, working out, dieting.
They’re all about that shit.
And I don’t feel weird
at all. And when I go to their
houses, I can actually eat shit when I’m there
because it’s all healthy shit. It’s all the same shit
that I eat. As soon as you get around people
who are doing the same thing, you’ll feel
supported. You’ll feel understood. They’ll get
it. But people that are not doing
it, you can’t expect to feel like
they get it or understand
or going to support you.
That’s all I’m going to say on that. It does get easier.
I promise. So our next situation
is another one about a fitness-y lifestyle.
Someone said, how do I eat on my
meal plan and not miss going out
to eat with friends and family?
That’s something that I have to deal with a lot.
Everything is about going out to eat.
Anytime you’re going to hang out with someone, it’s like, oh, let’s go
get food. Let’s go get drinks. Let’s go this. Let’s go
that. Everybody has to be eating something all
the time. And when you’re on a meal plan, it’s very hard
to do that.
I’ll give you a couple of tips that I use.
One is if I go to my
friend’s house to hang out, I’ll take a meal
with me so I can just eat it when I’m there.
Another thing that I do
is I’ll eat before
I go hang out with people.
Or if my friends invite me to dinner,
I’ll eat before dinner so that
I have my meal in and I don’t have to worry about fucking it up.
And then I’ll go to dinner with them
and I’ll just get a water or
get a Diet Coke or whatever the fuck and just hang out.
I’m there to share the experience.
I’m there in the atmosphere. We get to hang out.
You don’t have to eat just because you’re at a restaurant.
People might look at you like you’re fucking weird,
but fuck up. Let them mind
their own goddamn business. You can go still
hang out with people and be around them
fuck up your goals. But another thing that
I do with going out to eat, because it is
a little weird to sit there and just
Something that I’ll do, and I do this all the time.
You can ask anyone that fucking hangs out with me.
I will go eat at a restaurant
with a friend, but
I’ll take two protein bars
with me. Because that’s 40 grams of protein.
So I’ll literally go to the restaurant
and I’ll eat the protein bars
at the restaurant. And I don’t give a fuck that people look at me.
I don’t give a fuck that people think it’s weird.
Yeah, I bring my goddamn protein bars to the restaurant.
Leave me alone. But I’ll order a salad
and I’ll get like whatever
salad that they have, but I will get
the dressing on the side.
And I usually ask if they have like oil and vinegar
and I get that on the side because vinegar
has zero calories. I don’t put the oil
on it, but I’ll put vinegar on it. But I get a salad
with no dressing, no
croutons, no cheese. It’s literally just a plate
of fucking vegetables if you do that.
And then I’ll put vinegar on it. And then like a little
salt and pepper. Whatever I want. And I’ll
eat my protein bars, and like I get the experience
of going out with
people, hanging out, getting to be in like
the restaurant atmosphere, because I love a restaurant.
But I don’t have to fuck up
my goals. Like I still get to go and
eat something, and I still get to like stay
on track with everything. There’s a way to balance it.
I promise. People might think
it’s a little fucking weird, but
who gives a shit?
Because you’re the one you have to answer to.
You’re the one that has the goals.
And your goals don’t give a fuck about who’s
judging the goals. It’s like you have to do what it takes to get
there, so do it. Even if people
think you’re a little wacko. Because bitch,
see something, say something. Yeah, I’m eating
protein bars and a salad. Who gives a fuck?
Okay, so the last situation
for what would Leo do, is this
person is dealing with phone addiction.
And when they’re studying, like they can’t
get on their phone. Like if something gets hard,
or they get bored, they just get on their phone.
And they get on their phone non-fucking
stop. And they can’t like get off of it.
And it’s fucking with every aspect of their life.
So there’s a whole emotional
side you can go touch on
with addiction, and like phone
addiction and distraction from like something that you
feel. I get it, but it sounds
like you just need more self-control
and like things
to navigate having more
discipline around it. So I’m going to give you those.
If you’re interested in learning about the emotional side of addiction,
look it up.
I would do a video about it, but like
I don’t want to touch on that subject.
Like addiction is like
so touchy, and people are going to fucking try and attack
me for it. But my tip for studying,
if you’re trying to study or do
school work, and you keep getting on your phone,
babe, put your phone in
another fucking room while you study.
It’s going to feel uncomfortable. You’re literally
going to have times, like when I used to have to study,
I would have all my books and shit in front of me, my laptop.
And then I would have like my phone
usually sitting here. And once I would start putting my
phone in another room, I would catch myself
like reaching for my phone and it wasn’t there.
Like my body was just so used to being in the
habit of doing it. You’re going to feel uncomfortable.
It’s going to feel weird. But as
you do it more, your brain’s going to start to
associate study time. Your phone’s
not in the fucking room, and you allow yourself
to focus. But if you have your computer in front
of you too, watch it, bitch. Don’t be playing
on other shit. You need to fucking study. But another
idea for like social media addiction on the phone
is you can set time limits
on your apps. So you can set
a certain amount of time that you’re
allowed to like be on social media apps throughout
the day. So you can set like one hour,
two hours, five hours, whatever you want to set it
as. Like let’s say you’ve been on Instagram for
like two hours today, and your time limit is two
hours. It’s then going to
lock all of your other social media
apps, or whatever ones that you add into the restriction.
And every time you go to open
the app, it’s going to come up with a
screen with like a little timer on it and be like, you’ve exceeded
your screen time for the day. You can
click OK, and it will close it, or you can click
Ignore, and it will let you open the app.
And what I found that to be so useful
for is a lot
of the times when you’re on your phone, you’ll just click an app
like out of habit, but
that screen puts a buffer,
and it puts like one step
extra in front of
your habit and your pattern of like just clicking
onto Instagram on your phone. It’s like if you ever move
shit around on your phone, move the apps around,
your brain’s going to naturally just click where Instagram
was, or click where TikTok was, just by
habit. So having that screen flash
up with the screen time,
it like breaks that moment of like
OK, that was just autopilot, and it puts you like
OK, hang on. But even if you want to
ignore the time limit and get on the
app anyways, I want you to realize
and remind yourself when
you see that screen, and you click
Ignore, I’m choosing this
right now. Like put yourself
in a place of power whether you choose it or
not. That’s my same idea with binge
eating. Put the shit in front of you
and choose it. Don’t just be like
Oh, I’m so powerless to my emotions.
Like don’t take an unempowered
action. Reminding yourself that you’re
in control puts you in a place of power
and you’re free to choose it if you want, but you get
to avoid that guilt. It’ll also make you more
accountable and disciplined because if you look at
it like OK, here’s my screen time limit.
I’ve already exceeded what I’ve wanted to be
on for the day. I can choose to
do it or I can choose not to. You’re not
just powerless to it. Like oh, I just can’t stop
scrolling. It’s like nah bitch, you chose it.
So what now? Like why are you
going to complain when your actions are right in front of you
of why you’re not getting the results that you want?
You see? Another tip I have
for social media addiction and like spending
too much time on it and just scrolling is
unfollow accounts that you don’t
fucking like. And unfollow
accounts that just distract you for no fucking reason.
Like I follow a lot of quote pages and I follow
a lot of people that are like my friends and influencers
that I like, sure. But
I unfollowed a lot of pages that was just like
mindless bullshit. Like I love a meme though.
I be having tons of memes. But
I’m able to like control myself
so I’d say if you feel like you can’t
unfollow a lot of pages that are just
mindless distraction. If it’s not like
a motivation thing, a quote, or like something
that’s going to help you feel better
watch it. Don’t like have
everything that you enjoy so much
readily available to you. Like just kind
of like cut back on it because you’ll start
opening your phone and be like, eh, I’m bored. And then you’ll close
it. And then you have to find something else to do.
And that’s my next tip.
Is if you’re going to set a time limit for how much
you can be on your phone, do not
just expect yourself to quit doing
something without something else to
like fill it in or take up your attention.
Because if you’re used to spending it on social media
and then you have nothing to do now
and you’re just sitting here like expecting
yourself to be fine with it, you’re most likely
going to jump back into it. So have something
else planned that you want to do. Get busy with something
else. I don’t want to say read
because that’s so fucking cliche.
But like go read, go do something like
go watch a different type of YouTube video.
Go watch some self-development shit. Like go watch
something that is going to help you
with what you’re doing and not just
be mindless social media. Because you can use
social media to learn things. Like there’s
certain YouTube videos where while
I’m eating, I love to watch a YouTube video.
Every fucking meal of the day, I like to have
a YouTube video and I like to watch it while I eat. I’ve
been like that since I can remember since I’m little. I grew up on
YouTube. But, oh my god,
I’m on YouTube now. Hey, if you’re eating.
when I’m watching videos on YouTube, sometimes
I like like mindless shit
and then sometimes I like things that
are like business related or like coaching
related or like psychology related.
And I’ll allow myself to watch these videos
and I don’t beat myself up mentally because I’m
learning something from them. So I still
get to be on social media and like be entertained
but it’s not useless
like mindless social media.
So that’s another thing that I would suggest.
But also give yourself something else to do
or watch and like something else to do with your
time. Like studying or like whatever you
need to fucking get done. Go to the gym. Go on a god damn walk.
Listen to some music. I don’t know.
Give yourself something else to do to occupy your
time because you
have a known way of
filling like voids and
like empty time slots in your
day. So if you just remove
that, you’re going to be faced with what you’re
running from. So have
something else that’s like more productive or more
healthy that will help you
That’s all I got for What Would Leo Do. If you want to be
featured on next week’s episode or a future
episode, you can submit your situation or whatever
you need advice on. In the description below
I have a link of like the What Would Leo Do
submissions. You just click it. It’s completely anonymous.
You just type your situation and send it in
and I have it all in one spot so I can just like
run through them. Also the link to the Facebook
community that I made for all of us will be in the description.
So go join that right now. Don’t forget.
Go fucking join it. Even if you don’t need advice
right now, like go play in it. Go post something.
Go post a hot. If you found
this episode useful, send it to somebody.
Send it to a friend that you think could benefit or like
share it to your story. I like Instagram stories
because like you guys share it and then I get to share it on mine.
It’s so cute. But I also have a donations
page set up for this podcast. So if
you want to support me and help me keep going with this
bitch, drop a little donation. The link’s in the
description also. I have a couple more things to
plug. One is my social media. So go
follow me. TikTok and Instagram and all that.
I’ll put that in the description too. And my accountability
templates, like the worksheets that I use
to stay disciplined and accountable. I’ll also
link those in the description where you can download those and
get a copy and see how I’m able to
be so disciplined and accountable and get
so much shit done. Last thing, if you want
to download my app, it’s called Positive Focus.
It will send you positive notifications
to your phone all day long. Nice little things
that you need to hear. It’ll like boost your mood.
Shift your perspective from like what’s going wrong
to like things that make you feel
better. Like what’s positive. Positive Focus.
You see? It’s like a positive mindset shift with like
notifications. Real easy. And I also
have journal prompts in there. So like it’s
Shadow Work journal prompts, but also just like journal
prompts to help you like process
things and get to the root of like what’s going
on. So the link to download that will be
in the description also. It’s available for iPhones
and Androids. So both of those links
are down below. And that’s all I’ve got
for this episode. I hope this was
helpful. I hope you learned something. Leave me
a comment with your feedback or like DM me on
Instagram because I love to get you guys little messages.
I love to hear what you guys have to say. But
join the Facebook community goddammit.
And I look forward to talking to you next Sunday.