Aware & Aggravated - 54. Realizations From Traveling Europe

🎁Amazon Prime 💗The Drop 📖Kindle Unlimited 🎧Audible Plus 🎵Amazon Music Unlimited 🌿iHerb 💰Binance

Hi friends, I’m in a bad mood. I

Don’t know why don’t fucking ask me. I

Was two seconds away from recording this episode on the couch like that ass. I was gonna fucking get my mic

I was gonna unplug it and I was gonna go make this

Handheld and like go sit on the couch and just like veg out while I talk to you about Europe, but hi friends

I’m officially back from Europe and I have a lot of realizations. I want to share with you and just like things

That’s it. I have some things I want to share and then next week

I’m probably gonna do an episode about

Losing friends not losing friends, but like outgrowing people outgrowing friends and how to navigate that

But I needed to talk about what I learned in Europe because I learned a whole bunch like Leo was

Going the fuck through it. So I’m gonna just give you like a

Background and when I say I was going through it, so we got in that fucking fight in Berlin

We got jumped cool the number one

Then we go to Romania and then we’ve me and my friend both catch a cold and we’re like fighting for our life

Not really. I were like coughing shit up with like a typical cold. You just don’t feel good

You want to sleep and then we leave there and we go to Rome and when we get to Rome

We’re there for four days the first night. We get food poisoning and

I’m literally sick in bed throwing up pissing out of my ass for like the four days straight

So I literally flew to Rome ate some pizza. That wasn’t good. Apparently from his hyped-up pizza place

Don’t don’t fucking take recommendations offline. I don’t trust nobody’s judgment like y’all think y’all say things are good and it’s not good

It’s never good

I’m done. I’m done listening to y’all like every time I try somebody’s Starbucks drink that they recommend. I’m like poo. It’s fucking shit

But the same thing with food so like no more recommendations for goddamn restaurants, but we go to this fucking restaurant

We get food poisoning. I’m sick of shit in Rome. Like it’s our oh my god. It makes me so mad

It makes me so upset. I literally saw nothing in Rome

I saw the inside of my Airbnb and the pizza that I ate

That’s it. We didn’t see shit else. We didn’t do shit else

Like I was literally just sick for four days and I’m the type I’m like, I’m a little tough stuff

Like if I’m sick, I don’t go fuck I can still function

I can still like get up and be fine

Like when I had my cold I was like, okay, and I can be sick and still do things

So that was not the case with the food poisoning bitch

I was sick in a big day

Like my body would not get up like I had cold sweats like body aches shit show absolute literal shit show

And then we finished our trip off in Madrid, which was pretty it was real nice. It was cute

I’m glad we went because I didn’t get to see a fuck thing in Rome. So I have some realizations

I want to share with you about all of that

But I kind of I was gonna go a different route

But like after giving you the background of this like I have like the five little like points

I want to hit on

But I really think I’m just gonna jump into the one I learned about being sick in Rome so

When we were in Rome, we were in the perfect location

Like our Airbnb was like it was the most expensive one of the trip and it literally makes me fucking writhe with anger

That I paid all this money to go to Rome and I didn’t get to fucking like it wasn’t worth anything

Like it was a waste of money

Oh, I literally I just saw the inside the Airbnb like I didn’t want I don’t want to be positive and be like

Oh like yeah, I was sick, but at least I had a nice place to stay. Fuck that

I’m still upset that I wasted money and didn’t get to see nothing in Rome, but that’s the point

That’s part of the realization when I was in Rome

I was in the perfect Airbnb in the perfect location could walk to anything. I had money to spend

I was ready to have a good time

But I did not have my health and if you don’t have your health

You don’t have shit and I learned that like firsthand and I’ve had run-ins with this before like working as a nurse

I saw a lot of shit very young and I understand like if you don’t have your health you have nothing and I’ve

Been with people at the end of their life. I’ve seen all of that. Like I’ve seen everybody’s biggest regrets

I’ve seen people my fucking age

I was 19 and I was working with the kid that was 18 and he didn’t have his health and he was dying like

he was stuck in the hospital with cancer and

Couldn’t leave but I could I’m getting chills talking about this

But I was 19 at the time and I was like

This fucking kid we are the same age and his life is about to end like if you don’t have your health

you don’t have a fuck thing but going to Rome was a nice refresher of that, but

Seriously, like we all get so caught up and like oh, I need to make more money. I don’t have enough money

It’s this it’s that like there’s so much stress, but it’s like

Money didn’t matter when I was sick. I didn’t give a fuck like I it didn’t matter what location I was in

I could not get up and go explore

I had money to spend finally in the time of my life

I’m like, I finally have money to spend and I can’t fucking spend it because I don’t have my health. Everybody’s after

everything and everybody’s chasing everything but

Health and it’s like there’s this weird dynamic with money

It’s like I’ll worry about my health once I make money at least that’s how I’ve been like most of my life

I’m like, I’ll worry about my health once I have money like once I have everything taken care of

I’m gonna neglect shit and like discard it until I feel like I’m at a place where I like can

Worry about my health. Does that make fucking sense or not? Like make sense to me, but that was a big thing

I was like, I’m not worrying about my health till I have money. It’s like once I have money, I’ll eat right?

I’ll do this. I’ll do that. It’s like

You have to start taking care of your health before that and I learned that like for real and money comes and goes

But I would have paid

Anything to fucking have my health back when I was sick like that shit rocked me

Like I’m no, I’m not new to a stomach bug, but like grow that shit got me good

Like I was like damn, but the whole realization was like it doesn’t matter

How perfect your circumstances are you have money you’re in the perfect location a beautiful place in the world

You have a place you can go explore. You’re with someone that’s fun. Like you have a friend. It’s like me a

Couple of years ago like I didn’t have anyone I was friends with like close with like that

I didn’t have like money to go travel and do shit

It’s like all I wanted was like money because I was like money a friend

Take a trip see the world and it’s like I finally got all of that and I got everything I wanted

But I didn’t have my health to enjoy it like having friends doesn’t fucking matter

Having money doesn’t fucking matter being somewhere and new in the world having beautiful things around you doesn’t fucking matter if you can’t go

Enjoy it. Like I could not get up out of the bed. Like my body was like not having it

It was like I was nauseous. I was sick. I was dizzy

I had a fucking headache from hell like my head was killing me

like I couldn’t get up and go like see anything and even if I did like

Force myself to get up and get out of bed. I would have not been able to enjoy any of it

I would have been like I just want to go lay the fuck down

So with that realization my biggest thing was like don’t take shit for granted like your ability to just get up and walk outside

is a lot and

You have so much access to like beautiful things like just walking outside

I sound like a fucking goddamn hippie don’t I like a fucking tree hug, bro

but for real like to just be able to walk outside and like

See things go see a fucking tree to just be able to get up and like leave your house

Like that’s just such a big thing

You don’t realize like we all take it for granted like the little moments the little things we take it all for granted until you

don’t have it so my big realization with that was like motherfuckers start taking care of your health like start taking care of yourself and

Really make sure you’re able to enjoy life because money doesn’t fucking matter people don’t matter nothing matters

If you can’t enjoy it like your health will fuck you up if you don’t take care of it

So that was my big thing and I’m still gonna have fun with life. I’m still gonna have a cigarette here and there

I’m still gonna fucking do a little like

here and there

Like when it calls for it like a festival or something like I’m still gonna like have fun with life

I’m still gonna indulge in things even if they’re bad for me, but like

I’m done eating bad food

I’m done eating like bad shit and that’s the other thing I wanted to talk about one of my other realizations was like

It’s so much easier

To eat good and like it’s easier to like lose weight in the US because there’s no fat-free low calorie anything

There’s no sugar-free shit. Like you have a sugar-free coke and that’s it

If you ever go to Europe Romania is the only place that had them actually it’s diet Pepsi, but it’s mango flavor

Bitch, oh my god those ten out of ten

But my point with this is you you can’t like find sugar-free anything. You can’t find shit and

The food over there like I saw a very like I saw poor parts of the world and I experienced a lot of shit with

That but like we’re just wanting to be able to eat right and like nourish my body

It was a little bit more difficult in these places. So like coming back home. Like I’m happy to fucking eat clean

I’m happy to be like on my meal plan and be doing my shit

Like I have just so much gratitude and I’m an ungrateful fuck. Okay, and this is gonna lead me into my next realization

I’m an ungrateful fuck. I don’t like the whole

Trying to like force yourself to be grateful make a gratitude list like you’re fucking shit every morning like three things you grateful for

No, I don’t fucking like that. I hate that

I hate having to put effort into trying to be appreciative or grateful

Okay

I know I have a lot and I have a lot more than most and I have a lot of things me appreciate it for

But I don’t like to fucking put effort into appreciating me like I don’t want to fucking sit here and write it down

I don’t want to sit here and have to force myself to be grateful for shit. It just feels like I don’t like it

It’s exhausting. I’m tired of it. I don’t feel good doing it. I’m gonna grateful. Fuck. All right

I always want more bigger better faster

but it does feel good to be grateful and

If you’re not gonna intentionally try and do it

I found kind of like a cheat code

To be more grateful and feel more appreciative and like I don’t feel like life is hard up anymore at all

Like after seeing all these different ways of life and how people live I thought I was struggling bitch

I thought I had something to complain about fuck. No. Okay. No, I have no room to complain

I have no room to do nothing. Like I’m like born again. I’m a new virgin

Born-again virgin like I’m a grateful fuck now, but the thing is I don’t have to intentionally try to be grateful

I kind of like hacked the system

You have to go experience the lack of things that you didn’t even realize you appreciated in order to feel grateful

And it takes no effort

So like me traveling to these countries and I couldn’t access certain things or I couldn’t do certain things and live the way that

I wanted to and do things that made me comfortable

I experienced the lack of a lot and it made me so appreciative

Without having to try like I’m just such a happy dick now

Like just like being back in the US and just like living day-to-day life. I’m a happy fuck. I have my health. I

Barely have any money left. I spent all that fucking trip

But I have like so much

To be appreciative of and I’ve it’s like taking no effort to do it

Like just experiencing the lack of so many things

health food resources

Experiences like things that make me comfortable

Gyms that are decent like experiencing the lack of all that made me realize how fucking good I have it and it’s like I just

Walk around now with every little thing. I’m just so appreciative of it without having to try and

That’s my little like hack. I found was like don’t try to force yourself to be grateful go experience the lack of things go

Experience other shit and it’s not like I intentionally took this trip and was like, oh, I’m gonna be so much more grateful afterward

I had no clue what the fuck was coming. There are so many things. I didn’t realize

That is a luxury. I know that sounds so fucking stupid like these realizations sound just like dumb like they get better

I think I don’t fucking know

But this is just like the things that I realize and they sound so small and so stupid

But like I said, I’m an ungrateful fuck until now like I don’t like to intentionally have to try and be grateful for things

But this made it so easy

Like I don’t have to try and like make a fucking list and like write down things. I’m grateful for like

I don’t have to none of that like just experiencing a way of life and living a certain way for like a month

Made me a happy dick

All right. I’m put a little chapstick on and then we’re gonna go into the next one

Oh, I just got pissed off reading it. I

I’m a mess over here. My biceps keep like twitching cuz like I haven’t I didn’t get to work out very much in

My little Europe trip. So like I went back to the gym today

I did back and biceps and like I haven’t trained my biceps in a minute

So like they keep cramping or like doing like this like they’ll cramp real bad and they’ll like do that move. Oh my god

Okay, so the one that’s gonna piss me off I’m gonna hit it real quick

I’m gonna give you my tip of how I like

Stop being so angry all the time and then I’m gonna get into the next one about the pace of life of Europe and like

Enjoying small things and how living is not like a waste of time to them. But the airport I

Fucking despise

People at the airport. I love flying. I love the experience of going to the airport, but the motherfucking people are so

stupid

situationally unaware

Fucking inept like they’re just goddamn idiots. Like I I don’t know why the airport brings out the worst of people

It brings out the worst of me because people are so goddamn stupid

But going to the airport anytime I had an interaction with a human being especially like other passengers

And also people who didn’t know how to do their fucking jobs that work at the airport

Oh that pisses me off, too

I was so angry so often when I was traveling like I had to catch a lot of flights and I’m like

I just kept getting so angry in the airports and I was just looking around like anytime someone would do something

I would get so fucking pissed. I’m like you’re fucking stupid and that is like

When I checked myself, so I was okay

Leo looking around that everybody and telling yourself when they do something and consider it that they’re just fucking stupid is

Pissing you off. So what’s the thought that could make you feel better?

Okay, what else could you say besides they’re a fucking idiot that will make you feel better about

this experience and like take off some of this anger and its aggression and this rage because I was ready to just fucking swing like

when you’re walking through the airport and

motherfuckers just stop right in front of you in

The middle like the walkway when you’re driving you dumb shit. Do you just stop in the middle of the fucking road?

No, why because you’ll get hit

Okay, move your fucking ass people that just stop in the middle when they’re walking

Oh, it gripes my ass and makes my fucking ass itch. I

But

Instead of looking at these people and be like Leo. They’re just fucking stupid. I was like, okay

What’s the thought that would make me feel better to think it?

Okay

I was trying to like be the positive Polly and like make myself feel better and I decided to start saying they’re just

distracted

Instead of saying they’re fucking stupid because when I look at people and I’m like you’re fucking stupid being stupid is a fucking choice

Being situationally unaware as a choice being inconsiderate is a choice

People can educate themselves people can look around a fucking room and understand

Okay, I’m walking down a heavily fucking trafficked hallway, basically, and there’s a lot of people behind me

Maybe not stop walking in the middle

Maybe fucking not like you have the ability to become aware and to be considerate and to be smart and educate yourself

That’s your fucking choice to be stupid. So that’s why it was making me so angry

I’m like, how are y’all so fucking inept? So looking at people and saying, okay, they’re just distracted

Like maybe they’re trying to like they get on their phone and they stop walking. Whatever it is. You got on your phone

You’re distracted. You’re trying to figure out what gate you’re at. You’re distracted. You think you just went the wrong way

So you stopped whatever but I just flipped it instead of looking at people and being like you’re fucking stupid

I would just think to my I was not saying that I was thinking it in my head couple people I did yell at but

But in my head, I would just think

Okay, they’re just distracted and it made me feel so much better

Like it made me feel so much more calm because I didn’t feel like it was a personal thing

Like I wasn’t so like what’s it called like ignited by it?

I wasn’t like fueled with like rage and like get pissed off

Because people are just dumb like just walking around the world looking at people like they’re fucking dumb

Like it’s gonna piss you off. So just looking at it and saying, okay, they’re distracted. They’re not stupid. They’re just distracted

That made me feel a lot better

So I wanted to share it and I know it kind of sounds like small and like a stupid thing

But it really did help me like it made me feel a lot better inside. So I wanted to share it

I hope that it isn’t like dumb though. Like are people even gonna give a fuck about this episode Leo?

Are they?

We’ll see

So something else I want to talk about that kind of goes with like a realization. I don’t know

It’s the pace of life in Europe versus the United States like Europe

People don’t look at you

Like you’re a waste or that you are wasting your life if you are living like if you’re just

Experiencing like being alive in the u.s

It’s like if you’re just alive and awake and you’re not doing anything

People look at you like you’re a fuck-up like you’re a waste like there’s this pressure to constantly be doing shit all the time and in

Europe people don’t have that

they don’t have that pressure on them all the time and they don’t look at each other like

They’re a fuck-up or that they’re like not good or like they’re just something’s wrong with them

And they’re just like lazy if they enjoy

Living life like I’m talking the little moments like literally this is a stupid example, but walking outside to have a motherfucking cigarette

People in Europe smoke cigarettes people don’t vape in Europe

you want to know why because they don’t look at walking outside and

Having a cigarette for like five minutes as a waste of time

The u.s. Is so up your fucking ass about don’t waste time be efficient act fast

It’s like everything is like go go go

You have to be moving all the time and like you your biggest fear is like wasting time and looking like a fuck-up

And that’s kind of like the theory I have around vapes like vaping. It’s so accessible. It’s easy

You can do it as you work. It’s like you can it doesn’t slow you down like to vape

It doesn’t slow you down at all to go take a break walk outside

Smoke a cigarette like that’s a whole like little experience, you know

So vaping and like in the u.s. It’s so popular here because it’s just it makes you it feels more efficient

It’s not an inconvenience

It’s like you’re allowed to stay on track and not like waste time or be a fuck-up

Because you go smoke a cigarette so like I love in Europe that they just take a minute to go do anything

Like when they eat

They’re just in the moment

They hang out like when you go to a restaurant

The waiters and waitresses are not in a rush like they’re they’ll get to you when they fucking get to you and I kind of

like it like it’s annoying when I’m ready to fucking go, but

it is nice to just

Relax and just like not feel that pressure of like the go-go-go fast fast fast

Everything has to be like not a waste of time. Like that’s a stressful fucking thing like a stressful way to live but

people in Europe

They just focus on living and they don’t look at it like it’s a waste

so like the joy in the little moments of life like to sit down and have a cup of coffee or like

sit down and enjoy your meal and talk to the people that you’re with or go outside and have a fucking cigarette like for

45 minutes you just slow down and you just live in the moment and it’s normal and that’s like

It’s weird to not do that. It’s weird to be so fast and stressed and like chaotic but in the u.s

It’s weird to exist and that’s a big realization. I had I was like, you know, like we really over

giving stupid

And another big thing I realized is people in Europe are not distracted like in the u.s

It’s like I said, there’s such a fast pace. It’s like you constantly have to be doing shit and everybody’s so distracted all the time

But in Europe people are not distracted because they’re living in the moment

Even if they’re playing on their phone or like doing something they’re doing it

They’re not like their brain is not divided and split in 500 directions

So like when you talk to somebody they’re present and it’s a nice feeling like it’s the weirdest fucking shit

And I didn’t think it was like that big of a deal until I’m like back in the u.s

It’s not a bad thing

But I’m like that like I’m very like a mile a minute like fucking go-go-go all the time

Split with my focus in every fucking direction and I’ve realized after coming home from Europe like take a fucking second

You know, like it’s not a waste to go just like chill for a minute. It’s not a waste to be present

It’s not a waste to anything like being present with any moment is

Like a big thing like even just driving down the road or like fucking having a cup of coffee like it’s not a waste

It’s you don’t always have to be looking for how you can be most efficient with your time to not waste it

Like you’re not a fuck-up. You’re not a piece of shit

You’re not a failure because you aren’t running a thousand fucking miles an hour all the time in every direction

Like it’s just a nice freedom and to go like for me to talk about it’s cute

But to go experience it like I highly recommend like going to a different country go experience different cultures different shit

I’m gonna incorporate that into my life. Like I am smoking cigarettes again

I have the whole thing about like I quit nicotine like I quit vaping

but

going to Europe

Bitch, I have a cigarette now, but I don’t use like I don’t smoke cuz I’m like fiending for it

Like I kind of like brought back the ritual from Europe and I like I don’t smoke inside

I’m very paranoid and like

Conscious about the way that I smell. I don’t want to smell like a fucking cigarette. I don’t want to stink. So

Whenever I’m like doing shit, like I’ll just take a little break

Take a minute go outside and just slow down

Just have a cigarette and fucking just chill for a minute. Like I just like

Cuz I can’t smoke inside so it’s inconvenient like vaping you can do everywhere

You can fucking do it in the shower like you can literally do that anytime any day

But like to go just take a break for a second go smoke a fucking cigarette like oh my god

I’m not telling you to do it

I’m just saying like for me I just slow down for a second and it like regrounds me and I just feel fine

It’s not even that it’s the cigarette

It’s like just taking that break and not feeling bad for it and just like coming back to myself in the moment

It’s like my meditation like I fucking meditate with cigarette

Y’all sit down and close your eyes and do your little shit. I go have a fucking cigarette and that’s my meditation

But it’s just like a minute to just chill and relax

So I think I’m gonna do a podcast episode about my whole like a nicotine experience like quitting nicotine

Like it’s really not that fucking hard. And after I quit for like three weeks. I was like

It’s not as hard as I thought it would be I did it like there was no withdrawal

It was not like this fucking giant task

I thought it would be and I have the self-control where I can like have a cigarette here and there if I want one

So like every day I like I’ll have like one or two and I just enjoy that little moment

If I get out of hand with it and I’m smoking like 10 a fucking day, I’m gonna like cool it

You know like a pack. I’ll like no we’re not doing that

Like I’ll have like one or two cigarettes a day, but it’s like there’s intention behind it

It’s not like oh, I’m gonna I need to go smoke. It’s like I need a cigarette

It’s like I’m gonna just go chill for a second. Take my little break. So

Yeah, I just I just wanted to talk about that. Like I love the whole like slower pace of life

Everybody’s still moving. Everybody’s still doing things, but everybody’s present and I guess that’s the thing that I like the most

And they like experience in it. It was just so fucking nice

Okay, this episode is not long enough. Oh my god. Okay, I guess I don’t want to talk about this last one

But I guess I will

Okay

so

Going to different countries. I don’t want to talk about it

Leo just fucking telling your story you hooked up with somebody. Okay, so be it

So I hooked up with someone when I was in where the fuck was I Madrid?

The boys there is fucking delicious

Alright, like I did get tired of walking around in public though

Cuz like I’m like a decent looking person for like a normal place, but like in Madrid everybody was cute

So I didn’t like going out. I was like why everybody hi

like I’m fucking insecure, but

On some real shit. I hooked up with someone and the realization I had around hookups

it’s like I knew I was done with hookups before like I haven’t hooked up with a with anyone in like

Four months since August like however many months that’s been it’s like August to now

it was like that last one I told you guys about in my hookup culture episode like I haven’t hooked up with anyone and

I wasn’t really like that into it bad like even then but like I hooked up with someone in

Madrid cuz I was like fucking I’m out of country I could do me

So like I just hooked up with someone and it was great

It was fun. The guy was hot as shit. Like it was a great hookup like everything physically like went good

But

mentally

Check the fuck out like I just was not into it. I was not with it like the more aware you get the less

Pleasure the least the less is that the correct English?

But the more aware you get like the less pleasure you get out of things because you’re aware of what’s actually going on

Like I tried to be in the moment and just enjoy it for what it was like

It was just the hookup, but I’m someone that oh my god

It’s so annoying to say this but like I’m someone that

Values sex more now, like I don’t like to be sexual with someone if I don’t know them one or two

I don’t have any kind of like attachment or like connection with them. Like I have no

Desire really I can force it. Like I can fucking get it up and have a good time, but I’m just like

Like this is it but I realize with hookups like they’re not it like it’s not fun

Like it’s they’re empty as fuck and you don’t really get anything out of it

And you just get like a little bit of headache. Like that’s really all that comes from it cuz it’s like I

Don’t fucking know dude. Like I thought I was done with hookups before but it’s like I had to like check

I had a hookup and it’s like now I know

I’m

1000% just like over it. Like I have no

Desire or interest and like even when I was going to hook up with the dude like I wasn’t even that fucking excited

I was like, okay, I guess I’m gonna go do it. Like I’m in a new country. Fuck it. Like I’ll just go for it

but

I’m just it ain’t it ain’t it no more like it’s really not

shits and like that’s kind of like sad to realize cuz like

All the things that people derive so much pleasure out of I don’t find

Pleasure in anymore, like there’s certain things. I used to find pleasure in like hookups and like drug

but now

Like I’ve become so aware it’s like I understand everything for what it is like

Service level deeper and then even at the core of it. Like I understand shit just I’m fucking annoyed cuz it’s like

Everything that everybody says like this is what you should want. This is what you should this will make you happy

It doesn’t it doesn’t make me happy

I don’t enjoy it like the things that people derive joy from I don’t it doesn’t work for me

Like I see how empty it is and it makes me sad to engage in it and

Then be disappointed or like not feel anything

It’s just like damn like you kind of feel like defective or like flawed cuz I’m someone that’s not run by my sexual desires. I

Don’t put a lot of like value into sex or like getting off

It’s like the more I’ve waken up the more I’m like, I’m unimpressed. I’m indifferent

Everybody is so run by it like sex is so fucking fun to so many people and so many people love to go out and

Fuck and I’m just like I feel disconnected from people cuz I’m like, I don’t share that with you

I don’t feel that I don’t have those urges. I don’t like value that

I guess that’s it

Like I don’t value things that other people value and that’s kind of like the hard part about growing up too fast

Like I’m I just don’t get it

like I can’t relate to people anymore and it’s kind of like isolating when you aren’t someone that’s run by sexual desires, so I

Don’t know. That’s that’s kind of a realization with that

Like it’s there’s a lot more about why I’m done with hookups than just like oh, I’m just not feeling it

Like it’s it’s kind of like a disappointment. Like I said, it disconnects me from people. I can’t relate to people

I don’t understand that side of other people like I get it. I’ve been there

I used to like be run by that shit. Not really like kinda I

Always had self-control

but I did make some like stupid fucking decisions and I was like just so horny and feeling it when I was like 18 19 where

I was like, ah, fuck it. I’ll drop my standards and go fuck. It’s like I

Don’t do that anymore because I’ve developed myself and my awareness and my like mental capacity and all this shit. It’s like cool. I

used to

Do that like I understand why y’all do it

But I guess I’m just kind of disappointed where I’m like y’all haven’t outgrown it

Y’all haven’t like moved past it

like you still think there’s something in that like I see how empty it is and I see so many people chasing it and I

Think that’s where I’m just like I don’t get it

I just kind of I’m standing there and I’m just

Like y’all don’t see it

Y’all still revolving your life around that like you’re fucking up your experiences and doing all this shit just to go. Fuck like I

Don’t know

Why am I getting sad?

I think I’m gonna leave it off there. So that’s all I got for this episode

I will talk to you guys next week about

outgrowing friends and shit like that if you want to keep up with me all of my links to everything that I have and everything

I do will be in the description. Check it out. I’m gonna go have a cigarette and then edit this

And then see what the fuck’s going on. But thank you guys for watching. Leave a comment

Let me know what you thought like if you liked any of this really y’all

Let me know if you liked it because I don’t fucking know like I don’t know what this one like this one was like

The shit I’m talking about seems like cookie-cutter and stupid but like it was big to me. I don’t know

I don’t know y’all tell me if it was good or not

Cuz I really don’t fucking know what this one usually I’m like, alright, that was a good episode. But this one I’m like

Was it?

Just leave me a little comment for a little mental reassurance

But everybody stay safe. Be careful. Take care of yourself, and I will talk to you next Sunday