Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Anna Faris

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Hi, this is Dax.

Welcome to armchair expert.

Today on a ferris stop by and I just really like on I’ve done her podcast.

I’ve bumped into her over the years.

I just think she’s so supremely talented, as a comedian an actor, but a clip seen all that is her willingness to be vulnerable and honest.


And if you find that you want even more that after listening to this, you should check out her podcast unqualified.

Which again, I repeat.

I’ve been on once and I think I’ll go and do it.

In its wildly successful and well deserved without further Ado.


I guess you should I should say you should watch her on Mom’s to let’s plug that.

And now without further Ado on a ferris.

He’s no one asks about that.



No on a welcome to the armchair at expert, you’re asking about a picture of a dog that’s behind.




I am.

Can you confirm or deny?

That was your question?

That was my question.

Is that a canine?

That is a canine?

I think it’s a, I think it’s a great dane, and it’s very Regal, right?


It’s like an oil.

Well, it’s a print of an oil painting.

I imagine some much Lord than I am.

Yeah, like a lord of a Manor commissioned this for his dog that he was in love with, right.


A Lord that loved Romanesque architecture.

Because there’s also a column columns.


We don’t like columns, do we?

I don’t know.

Do we?

Like we establish this.

Well, have you ever read The Fountainhead?

Howard Roark hated column.

So I then I hated them.

Because Howard work, knew everything about architecture and I know nothing.

Well, I wish I could say they yes, of course, Dax Over The Fountainhead, uh-huh, and I hate Collins too because they stand for up a tree articles.


I can I admit something very embarrassing to you about why I read The Fountainhead.

Yes, this is so revealing.

Can, I guess, can I guess.



Yes, you had a crush on a girl.

Very close.

You had a crush on a guy, huh?


A very famous guy, huh?

Who in an interview?

Yeah, Paul Ryan.

That’s Paul.

Ryan’s favorite book.


Pitt was obsessed with since a young age in an interview set is very favorite.

Book was The Fountainhead and I thought, I need to read this book ASAP and I can’t really evaluate how much that impacted my reading of it, but I will say it is one of my Favorite books as well.


What was it about?

Like, what was your first like, Brad Pitt Crush experience?

I think but I could be wrong.

Yeah, you’ll get it.

Okay, so it wasn’t Thelma and Louise.

No, that’s that’s where women discovered him over, right?


It’s got to be a fuck.

What is it fucking called?

Oh, I’m gonna be so mad at all of the Yeah, run his character’s name in it.

Yeah, Tristan the punching movie Legends of the Fall, legends of the fire.


Thinking Fight Club.

I was actually thinking of True Romance.

Oh, yes.

It’s very tiny role in True Romance.

He’s funny Stoner.

Handsome guy, really?

Good really good.

He went against type on that one, but later revealed in type, but regardless, at that time against type.


Thank you.

A rebel by the way.


So I have in my fridge, an assortment of Beverages and in sugar-free Red Bulls, one of them which I I’m not allowed to drink.

I drink it on vacation, disgusting and delicious while the same time.

It’s like drinking a 9-volt battery.


It’s just chemicals, and it’s a great way to put it.

Yeah, it is.

You’re so right.

It’s like if you were to chew into a battery in my wife’s very disappointed when I drink these so is this is my little clubhouse.

So I keep them here and And I will only drink one of a guest does.


And so, thus far have not been able to have one.

And you now allowed me, you gave me permission to have one with you.

Good for you.

Thank you God, but I want her like me.

She’ll she still likes you.

Regardless a Mite.

Can I text you tonight at 1:00 a.m.

When I’m regretting.

This decision.


Yes, please.

Okay, great.

Do you have trouble sleeping?

Yes, you do.

I went.

I wonder why?

I wonder.

Why do you take stuff?

How do you get to sleep sometimes?

Oh, that’s an interesting question.

Do you ask that?

Because Trouble sleeping.

I have a terrible time sleeping.


Yeah, I’d say it’s my number one complaint about my biology.


And do you think that that because it seems to be such a Common Thread in people in our industry and is it because like your brain to be?

Feels like it’s on a hamster wheel.

Because you’re constantly worried about being out of a job or in or like the the sense of creation or like, I don’t know.


What the fuck.

Yeah, for me.

It’s not is like I don’t want to Belittle that by saying lofty but for me, this is a chicken or an egg thing.

I think I’m doing the thing I do because I was already cuckoo that way.


Brain was way too active and I needed some kind of really excessive output for it.



I think I think you’re right in that there is a trend in the 20 years that I’ve lived here, that I feel like I’ve noticed mmm, you know where people creative people Hustlers, have to say, they have a different, a little bit of a different wiring, Maybe.


Yeah, there’s circadian rhythm.

Is that what we call it?

It’s fucked up.

But part of it is just so gross.

Like, if I were listening to myself right now, I would be like, fuck you bitch about what those mean actors.

I’m sleeping.

All who are like super creative.


Believe me.

My favorite is when actress call themselves artists in the lot of them are certainly.

But I my thing is, I the lifestyle.

Itself is not conducive to sleeping.



So you, you have weird hours and they’re never the same.


So, you’re on a TV show and I have to assume sometimes you’re working 14 hours and sometimes you’re working three hours and you never really get a great predictable schedule and then and then it changes every nine weeks, right?



Yeah, and also, I think there’s when I have and we have the most amazing writers on Mom.

But the reason I started a podcast was also Independent creative expression.

Yeah, and so I think that that also like I love interpreting and trying to like solve the puzzle of other people’s words and trying to do a face and a voice or whatever minimum fuck.


I’m supposed to be doing.

They probably do not do that.

Well, but they would have fired you a while ago, by the way, if you weren’t doing well.

Well, no, it’s my cheeriness some very cheerful.

That’s my strategy.

You think so.

Oh, yeah, you think just your backdoor politics is what’s kept?

You implied that cleavage.


I don’t think that’s it.

But it is still in like willing to do the job that, you know, the other actors won’t I think that if like the writers were like, okay, let’s have Allison like Abba, massive, fit of diarrhea and Allison’s like, Mom.

I don’t know if I want to do that.


And my character would have diarrhea.

Give it to Anna.

Be like, okay, I guess this is what I gotta do.

Haven’t you felt that way too.

Sometimes, especially being in the world of Comedy.

Well, yeah, it was A lot of things contribute to that one was I was so hungry to get a job.



So many many years of auditioning nothing and then Punk comes along and they’re like, you know, will you be naked in a store with Jessica Alba?

My absolutely.

I will be naked, you know, servicing other naked people, whatever is required of me.

I will do it and it gets tricky because that that’ll bring you to the party.


But then you kind of got of all, which is hard to evaluate, right?

Because that’s what got the door open for.

You is like a willingness.

Us to jump through play glass.

I think after I got the first scary movie, I found out, but like 80 like name, actresses passed on the leaf.


Ha ha ha.

They didn’t want to be sprayed to the ceiling with sperm.

Wait, I think that’s there’s a chapter in an actor.

Prepares worse stanislavski goes into great detail about how one can mimic means sprayed to a ceiling with semen.


You’re from Washington?


There’s a lot of good folks from Washington.

I’ve had some of them on why.

Dated a girl for nine years.

I think I’ve told you this that was from Everett or Marysville, which is very close to the Germans, your North right?

You’re probably right in between between uh-huh.


See their little pocket there that everyone loves Bellevue.


Bellevue people, live in Belgium.

Okay, but fuck, but we don’t want to talk about Bellevue.

We wanted to make them smile.

Be your place.

That’s cool.

Oh, is it?

Yeah, that’s where Bill Gates lips, right?


I saw him once they’re at a Wendy’s.


I threw in his Porsche and I had heard that they catered their wedding with Wendy’s.

And I thought that’s preposterous that has to be a fake story.

But then I saw him at the drive-thru in Bellevue at Wendy’s in his Porsche.

And I was like, this story has legs.

I’m confused about the listen.






Bring it.

But Bill Gates.

Driving, of course, just feel a little slick for my own Hometown bill.

Yeah, I can see.

You would say that but I think as someone who’s just very interested in Machinery in the complexity of apparatus.


I I think that that car in particular, the one he was driving dream car.


I didn’t mean to cut you off.

This is like, this is what happens when you like fucking have a another podcaster, know, it’s a glorious.

Wait, but yeah, wait, tell me finish your sentence.

Then I’ve got to ask you about your dream car, red apples.


All right, so that was the end of my conversation.


What was your question?

What is your dream?

Car and you have it, you probably have it.

It changes in Monica and I were just talking about this today.

She hasn’t Monica looks fascinated.


She’s love this conversation.


Look at her Monica’s obsessed with going to The Grove.


She lives very close to the Grove.

The Grove is a huge outdoor mall.

She can’t get there often enough.

I enjoy it.


What do you like about it?

You know, when I first, when I was visiting La before I moved here, uh-huh.

I went to The Grove and I was like, this is where did you move from?


I just, you’re just okay, Atlanta.


All right, so no girls there, but they’ll start their starting up though.

I’ll tell you that.

That’s true Babylon.

I’ve been there.


Yeah, they shit.

Wow, I don’t think the Avalon is hitting the high water.


Mark, that the Grove, is it?

No, it’s nice.

It’s like the Grope literally plant, I think maybe based off of the grow.


Anyway, so before I moved out here, I came out here and I went to The Grove and I was like, oh, this place, I had this big dream and then it was it was coinciding with the Grove.


It was like Disneyland.

I had all these, you know, I just it was so sparkly to me and then I moved here and I had no money and no job and no nothing.

And then I would go to the Grove and I would feel that I would feel this way.

The safety.

Yeah, would feel like oh these G of America shil.


This is a special place and I’m lucky to live here.

And now I live steps away from that grand still Justice and she’s gainfully employed.

So she often goes there and picks things up that she may or may not know I need.


I can buy shit from The Grove here.

We wait for, I could because that’s what was always the thing.


It was, like, people go to the Grove for the safety.

It’s like this weird outdoor park, but does anybody actually?

We buy anything.

I do Monica.

Do you buy clothes?

Mainly Craftmatic?

You bath mats?


Okay, that seems reasonable.

But where do you like a truly?

I don’t know Nordstrom.

Okay, guys, this is getting gonna get embarrassing.

Yeah, a little.


You’re right about the Barney’s.



Barney’s Nordstrom made.

Well, have you ever ridden, the trolley there?







That’s on the line at the tracks.

An obvious move could pitch to To the people that run the Grove like like a mayoral competition.

Like okay Jax and I could run for mayor of Arrow, The Grove competing against each other because it is such like you just imagine like a jolly man with a tiny top hats like and I mean a character from Monopoly.


Is that what your picture?

I feel like that’s what you’re picturing.

The guy that says Pasco and you don’t present to do like we’re going to run for mayor.

Grove, if I could review Jax, I’m gonna fucking win this shit.

Well, first of all, unlike Monica, I can’t stand the growth.

It’s all my nightmares come true.



Hannah crowds.

It’s a ton of stores that make me really drowsy like shopping.

Makes me so drowsy.

I can’t stand, its of the lighting know cuz if we’re like notion that oh, I need clothing, but I don’t know what clothing so I’m going to look at all the fucking clothing and hope that some of it pops out to me that the exhaust.


And I thank the stores that put couches in it for husbands where we can hang out and look at our phone and whatnot.

But yeah, so I would probably concede the mayoral campaign to you the power, the trolley power.

Well that we don’t cry go shopping.


You gotta deal with like the greetings and farmers market and giving ding ding.

Like, it’s gonna be awesome to be the mayor of the Grove.

Yeah, again, if you could rule with an iron fist, like a Russian Tsar that The Guppies everywhere.


If I had a gulag that I could they have published everywhere at the Grove already because they do a lot of adoption Monica.

I know, I am I am the movie star TV star.


It may have only been Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 bar, did you do for?


I did for you.

If we ever become like, very, very good friends.

I’m talking like, we, we do two decades of great friendship, and you, and I are on a porch in the South were retired.

And I say, To you, would you make on the fourth one?

Will you at that time?


Tell me well, oh fuck.


Oh great.

Great, great.


That to me is worth putting in the 20 years not enough.

Hmm, not enough.

Yeah, because of course, from the outside.

My assumption is you made a 100 could billion dollars for number four.

I think that was the thing.


That of course.

It’s a fucking shit ton of money because you make in this town is essentially a fucking shit ton of money, but then, you know, all of the between taxes and like all the Whatever it does feel like, oh, I should probably put this in the bank because I may never work again.


Mmm, like I guess, maybe, maybe athletes feel that way.

I have no idea, but, but it did also feel like there was definitely, it was definitely impressed upon me.

Mmm, that I was replaceable.


Oh, really?

Yes, which is fucking bullshit.

By the way, there’s no way that you are replaceable in that.

No one can get sprayed to the ceiling, like honest.

There’s can you, let me represent you in future negotiations, please, I’m all good.

Like, fucking I’m gonna comment.


Oh, and I’m going to read Trump’s book, The Art of the deal.

That’s what I’m that’ll be what I do to prepare, but I will certainly I would not accept the explanation that you’re replaceable.

I think that would be ridiculous.

Oh, but this would bring up.

This is a great opportunity to talk about something that what is very topical and I think we’re talking about which is the pay disparity between men and women.



First of all, there is a huge pay disparity.

Not arguing that secondly, it’s completely unfair.

Okay, now third and this is where I’m going to get provocative.

The way that roles in movies are negotiated.

It’s a very male testosterone driven negotiation, because ultimately, you have to to get paid what you want to get paid.


You have to walk away at a certain point.

You have to quit.

You have to say I’m cool.

I don’t need Scary Movie 4 and I think it’s more and males nature.

Sure to be confrontational and bullheaded about that and do that than it is women.

I think they’re more prone to compromise, which is their gift and it’s a shame.


It’s not rewarded but it is part of this issue.

Do you would you agree or disagree with that?

I think the angle is a little bit different.

I think that most female characters are written sort of with, you know, a bit of interchangeability about ali.


Oh, sure.

So the studio is like, okay.

Well, if you were, you know, We don’t want to pay that much.

We only have this much budgeted for the role and we can get so-and-so because usually, you know, there’s like four male characters to everyone if even that’s accurate.


I don’t know.

But so there’s that hunger.

It’s a great elements to bring up because you’re right the a there’s less roles of importance even on the table are kind of interchangeable.

Like, there’s some rules where you’re like, oh my God, we have to get Dax Shepard.


We have to get Seth Rogen.

We have to get like somebody.

Who, you know, fills this perfectly with a lot of female characters as they’re written, it does feel like, okay.

I am the bounce card but, but Anna Anna be agreeable and I’ll be like, oh, wow, that guy’s fucked up.


But do you like him?

I don’t know why.

Yeah, that that is definitely true of a lot of young attractive actresses.

That’ll be in a drama where the guy’s wife.

Totally agree on a ferris is a very, very, very A unique performer, you’re one of the funniest women to ever be in movies and you are very much not replaceable.



That’s just, no, that’s not me.

Fluffing your pillows.

That’s a fact.

You have one of the most unique specific, comedic tones, and you’re pretty on top of it.

And so, you’re not replaceable.


And your wife is fucking stunning.


He’s not replaceable either.

I’ve been cast in movie.

These where it does.

Feel like, okay, this is the comedian that the male leads project and role because that’s usually how most comedies get made.



It’s a vehicle that’s been created.

And so then there’s there’s an under written female role and that was when my man.

And so, sometimes I’ve been hired in the past where I felt like the expectation was that I could singularly could elevate a We put all sin, also honor the man and like, crush on him fucked up, dude, then, you know, no reasonable woman would ever crush on and because comedy wasn’t always in my nature.


I never, I never felt very comfortable negotiating those Waters.

So that’s why I started to call it, like, oh, I’m the bounce card.

Like, all right.

I’ll like look at this guy with adoring eyes and maybe then the audience will, right?

Do you?


Know what I’m saying?

I do know what you’re saying.

But I also think I don’t think you were very good at evaluating your actual Worth to project because you do something.

The first thing I think I saw you in was was it just friends?


Just, yeah, Santa, right?


There was just very there because friends favorite experiences because I got to be insane and I can’t remember even how I ended up at that Premiere or something.

But at any rate, I was like, holy smokes.

This Um, woman is a comedy swear - yeah, you know, I’ll say fucking stuff.


Okay, up.


I’m trying to Pace myself because by the end, it’ll be motherfucker.

This motherfucker.

That’s okay.

I just didn’t know.

Holy smokes was like, so this is fun.

I wonder why he whizzed accent.

You say that a lot.


Give me another conflict.


It’s just something you say a lot.

Okay, that’s right.

You were trying to censor?


I was just wondering if I was trying to like soft.

Pedal because I was talking about how good she was.

I said, fuck or shit.

It would seem, I don’t know.

It was that was the any time I’ve been able to play an extreme character and I’m sure you must feel the same way.


There’s so much delight in reward.

Just well.

What I was going to say that you did with that role is Burt Reynolds famously, you know, even though he was wildly successful, he did at his height, have a little bit of a chip on his shoulder because and I own a Playboy magazine, When he was on the cover of and I have the interview and I’ve read it several times.


But in that interview, he’s kind of complaining or lamenting that he’s done movies, like Smokey the Bandit, which was like the second biggest movie of that year.

They had a 30 page outline and he went away.

And he made this movie.

That was the second biggest movie of the year.

And yet, Dustin Hoffman would do this movie Midnight, Cowboy, and he gets nominated, but he had a great material, and a great director, and all these things in Burke.


Always kind of felt underappreciated that he was basically in things that should I’ve never worked.

He’s in a fucking movie called Gator, where he’s driving around a fan boat, like, that movie should not work, but because of Burt Reynolds appeal, it works, and I think you’ve been in a ton of roles.

Where as you say, there’s nothing there for you to do on the page per se, but you turned it into something incredible and I don’t think scary movies if they don’t cast you, I don’t because that thing is not written by Lawrence Kasdan, and it’s not directed by fucking you name it.


So it’s all on you.

You like that movie lives.

Dies on whether you’re good or bad.

And so I think you’re such a huge part of the success of it that is preposterous that you wouldn’t that you would have been replaceable.

In fact, I wish they tried to fucking replace you and then did it.

Well, they did what they did right, but that was just because you didn’t want to do it.



Oh and how did Scary Movie 5 due to old?

You were too old?


You’re very old.

I’m glad they made that decision.

How did Scary Movie 5?

Do listen?

I’ll find out and it’s you’re gonna be okay.

I’m sure you don’t want to publicly celebrate that it sank, but I’ll probably celebrate that.


It stay tuned for more armchair expert.

If you dare.

Going back to the idea of sort of the value of a woman or like a value of a talent, or something.


And, and those are oddly, as, you know, in comedy, comedy is so difficult.

And, and doing spoof is incredibly difficult because you this relies on your sincerity which also relies on the idea that you have to, as an actor.


Because be Lee, okay, with the idea that the audience is going to think that you are as dumb as your plane, right?

There’s no like, no winking.

There’s no like, you can’t.


And, and, and that, and that, you know, I was somebody who has a little bit of Pride every now and again, yeah, not much, but every now and again, so your parents are super duper smart.



So it’s a thing that’s valued in your household.


Yeah, so and then you’re gonna go play something that’s opposite of everything that was championed at home and playing something one-dimensional is really.


It’s, it’s easier to play somebody who were, there’s like more clues to who they are.


And women are also saddled with a lot of exposition.

Yeah, story along, like, Michael, if you fight for a third time on, December 7th, but you don’t understand if you don’t push the button before the thing runs out.

Then the thing is gonna go in the world gonna be fucked.


No, but we don’t even get to say that part.

Then put it in there then they say something, then Vin Diesel, so good.

Yeah, fuck that.

Although I have been doing push-ups.

I don’t want to get way off track.

But I just happen to checkouts Fast and Furious, maybe seven or eight and there was a line in the movie that Vin Diesel said, he said they go like, what are you gonna do?


If you catch him Vin, I don’t even know his name is in the movie, but it needs like they hadn’t even invented the word yet for what I’m gonna do to him.

And I was like, oh my god, did, there was a writer that lazy that they Actually wrote I can’t think of a great thing to say.


I mean, it’s not even metaphorical.

He goes, they hadn’t even invented a word for what I’m gonna do to them.

It was so you when you started acting as a kid and did you want to be a dramatic actor, a serious actor is it was that the trajectory to do you want to do?


How do you put this in quotations?

And also can I tell you Dax?

This is really fun for me to get to be interviewed by.

Oh another podcaster.

Oh good.

Why did your show?

And I had so much fun?

They were amazing.

You’re so fucking hysterical.

It was really great.


And it was in part of the reason I wanted to do this.

I was like that.

Those are so fun.

She’s doing it at our house.

This seems doable.

I’m going to be obnoxious.

Yeah, you’ve always been a very handsome man.

That is our.

You’re like one of those guys that gets more handsome as they age.


Do you think so?

Yes, that’s good news out that it’s not just the red box.

There are four pretty, we’re pretty shit-faced.

Right now and Red Bull.

Well, we told we told this story on your pocket.

So we let’s get it out there right now because I think it’s relevant.

Yeah, so I saw just friends and I was like, you are so talented and then you and I sat next together at a Premiere, and I was single, and you were single.


I don’t even know if you were single, but I remember what I thought was giving you some pretty good action, you know, I was there was some open-ended questions.

I was like, I would definitely like to take this for Sunday and then I, from my point of You that door was bolted.


It was a dead bolt shut door because I think my I married or something.

I think, my first husband may have been sad.

That would explain a lot.


Well then, well, then, let me applaud how you behave publicly because even in front of Kristen, if someone’s giving me Rhythm I will like entertain it for five minutes.


There’s no, I totally remember that.

Okay, but like, we like we’re sharing popcorn and laughing and then I just like got a bunch of grief later.


Okay, that’s it.

That’s my hazy memory of it.

Okay, that must have been like 2005.

I don’t know.

So, you were, you were married at that time?




I liked you don’t like to think about it.

Or you just want to talk about it.



It was, it was a young.

It was a useful, you know, well the whole thing people need to put that into context you so you did Scary Movie when you’re 22.

Yeah, that’s insane.


So I can’t imagine being the lead of a movie at 22.

You live in LA.

Your money in that the whole thing is for anyone to navigate that did live above arrow and right next to the Grove before the Grove was built.

Oh, wow.

You predate the grow.


Oh my God, Honda Accord 1994.

Pearl Jam CDs, duck in the CD player of a Honda Civic.

Honda Accord, Honda.

I’ll have, you know, yeah, that’s a mid-level.

Yeah, maybe you guys could make a site appointment so you could ask her to describe.



When they were constructing the growth because you must have seen them.

Break Ground full history.

I didn’t know what it meant though, right?

I didn’t know you didn’t know.

I didn’t know what it could have tripped on the Ark of the Covenant, like the pilot season.

That’s now, get these fucking trucks out of here, but your 22 in.


So that’s that that’s a lot for a 20 or at least would have been for me.

My parents are still married and they have this amazing marriage.

And I think my brother and I have talked about this a little bit Brothers, the sociologist.



Yeah, UC Irvine, UC Davis, UC Davis, and and but we’ve talked about like the, the idea of the like they could because you would think that having successfully married parents would like increase your odds for sure all.


But what we’ve how we’ve Justified it the whole thing is that we trying to make something work when we weren’t sort of picking up the clue.

Lose like it for me.

It was sort of like checking it off the list.

If I get this part solved then I felt like I’ll like do career and everything.


I’ll have this base at home.

Yeah, and also I think I was very intimidated by dating and Ela and and not and not feeling like I fit here with a glamorous people and sort of felt like that Stoner dude that I knew back home were just easier like and Less pressure.


Wash your guys here.

I was.

I’m like, I’m I don’t know.

I’m that guy.

So this person made you feel safe.

Yes, but also that truly just getting it settled made me feel like, okay, I can now make it was a loose end.

That needed tying up.


Yes, and I worked really hard.

Is that?

Because you think your is super goal-oriented.

Are you kind of secretly Taipei?

Fuck you.

Probably fucking right?


I don’t know like And then where you like a good girl, did you get good grades and your parents were proud of you at all times and oh overachiever.


Oh, no.

No, okay.

You are a disappointment.

I was a bad girl.

You love to Jesus and horses.

It was sort of mixed, you know, I lied a lot to my parents.


I wanted to experience.

I just wanted to experience a bigger world.

Like I’d like all of us do, right.

Or in high school like isn’t there more than this?

But just really quick that to me is a clue.

So if you felt compelled to lie to them, in order to cover up these things that were you would think were undesirable in their eyes.


That to me, kind of says, you were conscious of the fact that I’m supposed to be a good girl.

I’m supposed to be a, an overachiever, right?



I don’t like my mom was very much like you’re gonna fuck up.

You’re gonna get arrested, just don’t get someone pregnant.

So the bar like I felt very encouraging.


Oh, I love Dit.

I hope to raise my kids the same way.

She was like, life’s fucking messy.

It’s gonna get messy for you.

And I’m going to be the person that’s never going to scold you for.

And I’ll come pick you up.

You know, I’m very grateful for that.

If I had two of them, perpetuated, some image of myself that I really wasn’t.


That would’ve been hard for me.

Yeah, and then ultimately, I think it leads to whatever level of honesty you have as a person when you leave home because if you were in a, you’re in an environment, where you’re basically forced to lie, then you Develop that skill set, and it’s, that’s how you navigate the world.

But if you grew up like I did, like, we’re honesty is not, you know, shamed or or scolded, then you’re not afraid to be honest.


It’s that, like, you’re looking at it.

I love.

I love you, Mommy and Daddy, but did that make you more monogamous than some of your peers?

No, absolutely not.

I, you were in a series of long term relationships.

I’m a Serial monogamous, but I had a girlfriend for nine years before.


And I which have been together for almost 11 years.

The nine-year relationship was an open relationship.

What is that?

Like, here’s what it’s like.

We met cheating on are boyfriend and girlfriend, huh?

We loved each other.

I said, I’m 21.

So it’s like a party.


I just need 20 good Vision.


It was a party.

So it was a party in Hollywood.

I was with my friend, Nate, tuck we meet these two girls.

Julie and Brie.

They’re amazing.

They’re both from Everett.

Yeah Breeze.

Hyper-intelligent right away girls are fucking rad.


And I would say it was one of a couple times that I felt like it was love at first sight, and I had a long-term girlfriend back in Michigan, which we had already kind of talked about.


Well, this is hard.

I live here you live here.

We’re not.

We’re going to like be realistic about this and I think that was maybe the training ground for me to get comfortable with all that and so we met.

She had a boyfriend.

I had a girlfriend.

We started dating the her boyfriend lived in another steak.


Wait, I want to know.

But that night though was she like sitting on your lap like Touching the back of your neck.

Look, what’s happening truth be told that was the first night I ever did crystal meth.

So I was on crystal meth.

So it was heightened.

I’m sure everything was like this.

This person was like fell out of the fucking sky in my opinion.


And yes, we talked for hours.

We danced.

It was in a little Hollywood house like a little Bungalow around Jenice, you know, and they’re 21.

I’m 21 and I live in LA and I have no money and I’m not succeeding and I’m lonely.


And this is wonderful.

This is like the best thing that could happen to me.

So yeah, in so quickly into US dating, I said, let’s just be realistic about this.

We met cheating on our boyfriends and girlfriends.

I love you.

We’re 21 in 20.


I don’t think we’re making it to 50 with us.

Neither of us.

Cheating on one another.

So, I personally would like to not set that as an expectation of this relationship.

I’m not, I’m telling you.

You don’t know that to me.

I don’t want to see you about it.

I don’t want to know about it.

But you don’t do that to me.


So you don’t have to that doesn’t have to be something you fight forever because I want to ultimately be with you in long term.

Imagining this conversation happening at 6:46 a.m.

Hollywood house.

The birds are chirping.


You, you’ve been there, you have to have a very nice mind.

You this conversation, didn’t happen that night.

It happened.

As we started daily.

Okay, but if I said there are many 6 a.m.


Morning that we were going to sleep as we both love drinking and then that I won’t tell her side of it, but she was resistant to it at first and then so Mom, she came around to it and then we had that Arrangement so no, I was not monogamous to answer your question.

And nor was I in high school but shamefully work though.


Like I mean not like you don’t give me the chance.

I can give you all the logistics like emotionally wasn’t way more complicated.

I’d yeah, so we slept together, we Live together.


I came home together, every single night.

No one ever went out on a date.

We live together.

We were in love.


We spent, you know, we slept in the same bed every night when she went back to Washington.

I don’t know what happened, nor do I care, she hung out with friends, from high school and things may or may not have happened.

I would go back to Michigan.

I travelled for work, you know, things happened and we both decided that hearing about the experience would never be joyful for us.


It’s not like I would ever enjoy hearing what happened with her and some do And so I was like, I just don’t ever need to know about it.

If I die.

Never knowing I’ll be fine, but I can tell you how it evolved.

Yeah, it evolved in this way in and I had to admit that it was a very convenient policy for a dude at a certain point.


She goes look, this thing that’s been going on for years.

You’re getting what you want.

You a guy wants to sleep with a girl.

I want to go out to dinner with someone.

Who wants to hear about the book.

I’m reading is super interested in mean has never met me.

Like, that’s what I long for.

That’s the thing that I miss about being.

Single and I said, so basically you’re saying you would like to go on dates and she goes that would be fair.


That would be you getting what you want and me getting what I want.

And I said that’s a pretty sound argument.

Okay, and then when I was out of town, I assume she went out to dinner with people and told them about what book she was reading, but I never at any moment during any of this thought that is not as Washington girl that I never at any point thought, this girl doesn’t love me isn’t super in love with.


And whatever thing happened, I never felt like that had impacted anything between us.

The reasons we broke up, weren’t related to that.

So did you guys like stipulate any kind of like safety?

Like yeah, we’re on.

Yes, the the stipulate the understanding was yes, if you do something, you should be wearing a condom.


It’s so.

But do you think that this is a workable relationship for people?

This is what I think.

I worked for us for 9 years.

That was a lot longer than most of my friends who had girlfriends at that time that they liked had in their 20s, to go through your whole twenties, was someone was to me, semi-successful, a lot of people cheated on people and then they had lies and then they had lies on lies on lies and I didn’t envy that.


So, in that way, it work, but I’ll tell you in the way that I learned that it can be very destructive, at least, in our case.

It was, I think the sexual relationship between two people in a relationship is the hardest thing in the world to maintain it requires that the most amount of vulnerability.

The all your biggest deepest, fears are that you’re not enough for somebody or you’re not sexy enough for something.


So knowing that it is, it requires so much vulnerability and work in it so hard that when I had an option to do with someone else and not do that work.

I didn’t do that work.

So suffice to say it definitely took an impact.

It took a toll on our sexual relationship because we both were fulfilled in that way from other people.




And so that was very destructive.

I don’t know how one would navigate that aspect of it, maybe.

My age, I could try to do both.

I don’t know.

Well side note.

I can’t do that any of that.

Anyways, because I’m a fucking addict and if I’m going to do it once, I’m going to do a thousand times.

So but that’s a separate issue, but this is about you.


So tell me though because you were, you were married.

And did you feel a huge sense of Shame about having to get divorced because your parents had made it work.

I and your brother divorce.

Is that?

Why you’re having that conversation?

Yeah, and I think I think, I mean, it’s, there’s, there’s a lot of layers.


The first thing that just popped into my head, was kind of the idea of embarrassment of hopefulness of optimism.


And sort of the public Declaration of leg.

I know what I’m doing.

Yes, I know I’m young, but I got this.


Yeah, and then I’m an old soul, trust me, but you know what?

I think what you realize in time is that people for the most part are so there.

They’re wrapped up in their own shit.

They’re also more understanding than you think was that something that hit like tabloids and stuff.


Not too much.

Not too much.

You weren’t Ultra famous that.


And so that aspect wasn’t terribly, you know, I think the people that loved me were, you know, we’re probably saw, you know, you know, there’s that thing that happens when like a major change in your life happens.


And suddenly people are saying like, oh my gosh, you seem so happy.


When you didn’t realize Before that, you hadn’t been projecting that.


Yeah, that so that was happened.

And that’s what Blues always of comfort.

It was like, oh I wasn’t doing.

I mean I didn’t think I was all that habit, but I wasn’t doing a good job covering up.


I thought that I was, but was it hard for you to call your parents and say, I’m gonna, we’re gonna end this, it wasn’t, you know, it was hard.

The first time was, it was hard to call my parents and and tell them I got engaged.



Yeah, that was Because you were what, 20?

How old were you?

I was 24 25.

Yeah, maybe to it.

If I remember thinking, like, why am I having a hard time calling?

My parents should be a red flag earlier.


Yeah, and I remember that very specifically, like, did you have that moment when you were walking down the aisle?

Where you thought?

Oh, I don’t know.

Or were you 100% on that day.

At least.

I don’t.

I’ve never romanticized marriage, even though I said, Parents had like, have this beautiful marriage.


I was never planning your wedding day or any of that.


No, it confuses me when my friends would talk about that or think about that.

And so I the first time I got married in a bikini in Tahiti, no covered in salt and like it was a great day, but it was lucky not.


We fed sharks stingrays.

Oh, really this fucking ride.

Yeah, but during the boughs, you didn’t have any second.

Thoughts or oh, oh.

Oh, I think I did.

But I think I was kind of, I think I’m pretty good at convincing myself that because I am romantic.


I am a romantic.

I believe in a partnership.

I believe in companionship.

I just don’t know if I believe in the ceremony wedding necessarily.

As I just married my friends.

Oh, you did.


Yeah, you like performed.

I did.

Oh Jesus.

You have to learn scripture and stuff or no.

I just They gave up a you guys like each other.


Yeah, Mardon.

Do you think that’s a little bit of a product?

Because Chris and I felt the same way and that is because we already have an abundance of attention in our life, you know, like you’re already kind of celebrated on red carpets last thing you want on your free day.



Come stare at me.

I didn’t ever have that need for like this day is going to be about me.

Yeah, because I get a few of those days.


And then at work when it’s not about me I make sure that I make it about me.

Sure, but yes, I do think that has something to do with it that I think, I don’t know.



Do you think I feel like I’m treading starting to try to dangerous territory in terms of stereotyping women, but I do think that I make a lot of generals.

I feel pretty conditioned to feel the need for like a big Valentine’s Day.


Mother’s Day, you know the wedding and can I just say?

I think they’re a little patronizing because it’s such a He, right?

And you guys are so shit on, historically, that we’re like throwing you these crumbs of these fucking gonna give you this great wedding, but then, you’re going to be my slight, You’re Gonna Be My indentured servant.


Raise my children while I go have fun career, right?


I’m giving you these little, these little scraps and that way, I think, yeah, as as women rightly become more valued in our society.

Probably the need for Valentine’s Day, will dissipate a little bit, right?


I’ll fucking hold Valentine’s.

Day is also based in the guys.

Sends flowers or the guy, you know, when so limos is you it’s still all in the hands of the male, even though it’s like, it’s sort of promoted as it’s like female intensive.

Great Point.

Yes, but would you even look at, look at the difference between Father’s Day and Mother’s Day.


So in my experience and in my circle typically on Mother’s Day, the moms have lunch with their girls or their boys in the whole family goes through a lunch or a dinner and it’s a day about Mom with her kids and her father’s day.

Where I grew up is Dad goes golfing or six hours to get the fuck away from everybody and I just think, doesn’t that sum everything up about the low expectations and Dad’s that’s like, Father’s Day.



I’ll see you guys in eight as though like as though the Assumption and this goes back to like a lot of like female guilt issues too.

But as though, the assumption is like that, all we want to do is just have a peaceful day with our children.

Eat some chocolate and a heart-shaped.


God, take a Calgon bath.

An Eggo waffle in bed.

Yeah, right.

That’s like your scrambled eggs.

Yeah, like the kids shouting side of it, raw bacon, burnt toast, and shells and eggs.



I don’t know it yet, but you’re completely right.

It’s totally patronizing.

And the like, the the, the posturing of the show because it’s like I don’t know your friends.

Maybe ask you like, what?

Did he get you?

Oh, yeah, the pressure.


Yeah, or even this whole like even the even the thing that happens with women with the ring.

It’s like surely the ring is right.

Like I’ve never had a dude.

I’ve never worn a wedding ring been married for years.

No dudes.

Ever asked me where my wedding ring even is, you know, yet if you’re a female your friends are like, what did he get?


You is it, you know, I’m part of the problem is most guys have terrible fucking taste but But but yeah, there’s this whole thing.

Like, here’s the proof of how much he loves me.

It’s this many carrots.

That whole thing is so busted.

I know so many women who’ve got who, like have anticipated the engagement and then they’ve gotten their nails.



Aha, because they know they’re going to be showing off their hand for the next.

However, many months to every single person who to contact and the surprise thing.

I have a whole side issue, surprise.


You’re stuck.

Your fucking life.

Yeah, like what when did that ever give to the blue?

The conception of the surprise engagement?

It’s like, ah, okay.



Now, so do you do you think for you know, it’s that’s so true and honest and real.

And do you think that for you just now globally?

You think marriage?

Not for you or still for you?

I need to Figure out what the purpose is, right?


Like is it safety for your children?

Is it like convention?

Is it?

So other people, respect your relationship more?


Is it for, you know, from me?

I’m just not quite sure where it fits.


And especially when it’s feels so easy, of course to get married.


Yeah, and then there’s like the untangle like, in terms of like the state being involved, that was always my issue.

I was very against marriage.

I was when I was with Chris and I was like, I’ll have 100 kids with you and I will die with you.

But the idea of proving in the state of California.

I love.

You feels Preposterous to me and then also having to be granted permission to separate from you someday, if we decide to go our separate ways that seems crazy to me.


But I did it because, you know, I knew for her it meant something and that’s fine.

I can do that and it does bigots because there is the importance of how other people then treat you as a married man, as opposed to a man with a girlfriend.

Like even if the They got your girlfriend.

You have several kids.


I do think it is important.

How other people respect a relationship.

Okay, great.

So, you’re onto something really good, which to me?

That’s a terrible reason.

The ultimate motivator is fear that my spouse will cheat on me with someone else.

Doesn’t seem like a healthy.


No, I totally agree with you.

I’m Jin saying between a relationship.

She’s saying like that other people not coming on today.

That’s what I’m saying.

That seems to be motivated.

I have like let’s let’s short.

Sup, let’s put a motor on this and then women will know you’re married and mental know.

I know it’s a good reason.




Yeah, it is like it’s certainly a reason if it’s of having that label of being married.

Have you had infidelity issues when you were younger?

Oh, yeah.

I felt like I was such a kind of an ugly duckling growing up.

Like I was, I just wasn’t all that cute.


But so if we’re really quick, can you can you explain it?

Because for us, that’s hard to imagine.

Agents, that’s very trivially Monica.

Do you not?

You’re not looking at her going?

I can’t imagine.

But I do know people who are not cute in the grown up to be beautiful.



And you know people that you think are cute but they don’t think they’re cute.

Like I have a low opinion of how I look whether you know, so whether that’s right or wrong, but I’m wondering I’m wondering.

Do you think you just had a low opinion of yourself or do you actually think, you know, I think if I should just some pictures you be like, all right.



Had a few, did you fall down stairs?

Just before?

This photo was taken at a fisheye lens.

They’re using.

Well, you are boy crazy.

And you know, yes, okay, that is so that is.


So if an attractive guy liked me, I was just dizzy.

Same here, you know, just like could which is not to say because I got, I had girlfriends growing up in a lot of them are way out of my league.

So I would get these girls that were way above my own opinion of myself.


But yeah, the power they had over me like Like, I remember getting a junior high and this 8th grade girls, Sasha liked me and I just, I was fucking drunk.

I was like, plaster drunk with joy for weeks over this.

I would have liked robbed a fucking frat house.

Top to bottom.


When did this start happening that?

We’re boys were liking you and you were like, oh, yeah, seeing senior year of high school.

Sort of when it felt like I had my you know, I got my first boyfriend and he was a good-looking guy and Just couldn’t I just truly, couldn’t believe it.


I was.

And so, I think it’s, I was possessive and jealous.

Yeah, but also very proud.

I was still that was, that was something.

My mom gave me was definitely because sense of Pride, so I would you wouldn’t expose that.



I’m sure I’m sure he did but I attempted to talk to but it is sort of informed everything in terms of acting for me.

So I’ve been acting for a while and at least I had the The Confidence from that Avenue.

You were good at that, from a young age and that was a source of self-esteem.


Yeah, and I was working with adults that was really gratifying.

But do you think I meant in terms of being a mom?

Like, I was think God.

It’s so important that you help your kid, find the thing that can give them some self-esteem.

Yeah, I do.

And I want to make sure that Jack our son is like, I don’t want to put him through like a ton of torturous activities, the right to find out.



Were you like him?

I’ve done a bunch of different.

I was single mom, three kids.

She worked her ass off to support us.

So I did play soccer for a minute.

But like there was no one around it.

Throw a ball with me or anything.

So soccer, I played for a little bit.

But that was I got into skateboarding all the sports you could do by yourself.


BMX riding skateboarding, kind of alternate.

So you were kind of a loner like a lot of actors are, or at least a lot of people in Hollywood, right?

Like, yeah, why was, I was a anyone who listens associate coming here saying this, but yeah, I was also going to like special ed classes.

I couldn’t read, I was this.


Sekai, there was, I had a lot of things that made me not stoked to be a kid, you know, I thought I was struggling a lot, you really angry as a kid, you know, I wouldn’t have described myself that way for a long, long time, but it’s funny because I have many memories of bullies, right?


But then, as I get more honest, the I also have beat kids up, I shouldn’t have like, I am certainly for some kids, a bully and I had bullies and I just lived in a house where I was powerless and I had older brother who My ass and I got to school and like I finally wasn’t powerless and I probably was a terrible kid to some kids which is terrible, but that’s a fact that’s a really frequent quality of bullies.


My brother’s a specialty is bullying.

Oh, really?


And sociology.

Yeah, so he’s done a lot of research anyway, but the need to feel powerful when you’re feeling powerless.


And I have a question that I just want to make sure gets asked, you’ll probably going to ask it but I wanted to make sure how big are your?


Oh no, what’s your bra size?

Pre or post?

Okay, know since you grew up feeling, unattractive, physically and then you became famous and you’re getting like, a lot of attention, probably a lot for being beautiful and having this like physical, you know, you are on the idea.


You’re on lists of prettiest Yvonne shit like yeah, that’s a new commodity is was that like a weird thing to reconcile?

I don’t think that I Of reconciled.

Like, I, I believe you.

By the way, I don’t think.

I don’t think, you know, how hot you are at all exam.


Oh God.


Yeah, that’s nice.

Yeah, with those fucking lists.

It’s like I’m what 73 on Maxim’s.

Like top 100.

When you can be like, I’m sure that it was a struggle for them to come up with a hundred names.

Oh, nothing much.


I’ve never been on one of those ways so we can be done.

You can compile the list without everyone in Hollywood.

I It doesn’t maybe answer your question fully but I love it so much that as I get older and I bet Kristen does as well has have so many female fans because it feels like you know, we’re hard on each other and I value it so much.


The young women like some of the work that I’ve done or that feels like they can relate to me.

And when I was in my 20s, I did feel resentful that I was in the car.

The world a bit, which wasn’t very arrogant place to be in my mentality because I, because I should be always fucking grateful to be working in general.


But at that time, I remember thinking.

Why can’t I be somebody’s Muse or like whatever.

By the way, we’re all victims of that.

I mean, Brad Pitt probably wants to be in Pearl Jam like there’s nobody writes who doesn’t aspire to be doing something.


I think it’s just a human.

Owen condition.

And I was curious about that because I assume especially if you started out in an acting conservatory and you were taking it very seriously and then all of a sudden, you find yourself on this comedic path and then you were in some movies to that.

Had a claim like you were in Lost in Translation, which we were, you were great at and where their moments where you were, like, frustrated, that that wasn’t going more in that direction.


And now that you’re older, you’re going like, oh my god, dude, it’s so awesome to be any of the things.

Oh, yes.

It did feel at times like tough, especially because I Doing like all this super serious theater and my moms like you need to be Amelia Earhart and instead.


I’m like, I’m cyndee Campbell getting sprayed to the ceiling Mom.

I’m sorry.

Sit next to your dad at the premiere that movie my mom.

I don’t know.

It was like, please go to the bathroom like right now, I think I so appreciate how difficult comedy is.


I feel so lucky.

See what it’s given me as a person in terms of How It’s Made Me able to laugh at myself.

I think it’s made me a little happier.

And also I think there’s more there’s longevity and being a part of the world of Comedy.

But Monica is far as like the sexiness question.


There are times when I I do feel sexy, but mostly that’s I think I like to think that this is me being obnoxious.

I liked I think that sensuality and sexuality are a little bit different.


Like I like to think that I’m more.

I don’t know if sensual person.

What the fuck am I talking about God?

A lot of guys, no masturbating in the audience, but that shouldn’t alarm, you know, stay tuned for more armchair expert.


If you dare.

Is there a whole thing?

People on the podcast have been talking about sometimes, how masturbating for like guys is more satisfying than sex.


That’s very common.

Isn’t it?

Not in my experience?


Other than the pressure of Performing that certainly is that what it is?

Because I wonder if young men have because they’re so exposed to so much porn.

It’s a pressure.

Do I know those guys are fucking like, for an hour, if they wait and the girls Howling, as, you know, it must like, fuck up their the sense of what it’s like to actually just to have real is that yeah, they’re also have their porn is like you can have exactly what you want down to.


Like you’re gonna have a girl that’s five foot it with the hair down to her boobs.

And with blue eyes and you can like get so precise and specific that.

You just have to drive me Monica.

Like super sensual blue eyes.


Really gonna get sprayed of this alien.

No, but I do think.

Yeah, your point when you’re young in your dude.

This isn’t true for all guys, but certainly was for me and other guys.

I knew Holding Out for more than a few seconds that is a challenge, right?


And then so it can lead to all these other things.

Like I remember when I searched first started drinking and having sex.

I was like, oh, this is awesome.

Now I can be in the saddle for way longer.

That’s fucking And then when I got sober, I was kind of, like, wait.

I’ve been fucking drunk for 15 years.

What am I going to do now?


And then certainly drawer in the saddle.

Sorry greets.

You Google go on.

I think, either whoever’s in reverse, cowboy.

Anal can be.

Is that go on?

When you’re on drugs, what happens?



So the and then when certain drugs, then your lasting even longer and you feel way more in command of the whole thing.


And then weirdly your now love for that drug, is not just the experience of being on the drugs, but then the powers that it gives in the bedroom and then, Then ultimately, for me.

I don’t know.

It’s different for other guys.

This is why I don’t super respond to prostitution simply because I’m an approval.



The whole reason I’m doing it is that I’m hoping to God, you think I’m the best lover that ever lived.

Like, that.

That is the Everest.

I want you to is that he the master thing or because I don’t know.

I hear you on that.

But it was that an everybody think.

Well, it can’t be.

And everybody think is guys go to prostitutes and I don’t know how that is.


That wouldn’t be scratching the itch.

I have.

I also like they fall in love with him.

Sometimes did you receive Vegas show, you know, on HBO.

Oh, yeah.



Bunny ranch, or the Canon EOS.

Oh, yeah, uh-huh.

It’s called cat house.

But yeah, guys, fall in love with those girls.


But again, I think, in that case, there is someone who has very, expertly assess what it is.

They need to hear and they tell him that and so they’re in love, but but this is why I’ve never really enjoyed strip clubs, even though I’ve been to them and, you know, in a pinch, if you’re born in a town.

Sure, I’d probably go again.


Bob perkey, exactly.

How did you fucking know that?

Yeah, I gotta say I probably have a strip club eight times in my life.

Five of the times were in Albuquerque.

There’s new El down town.

Yeah, if you’re shooting night.

Well, there’s two.

There’s there in the one downtown I think was younger.


No drinking but younger and then the one on the outskirts was drinking and then they have more clothes on.


I was the downtown when I was shooting nights and there’s nothing open at night in your days off her like Saturday and Sunday.

Yeah, and I’m like, okay.

I’m up at fucking 3:00 in the morning.

What am I going to do?

But anyways, I don’t like being in there because I’m a customer.


That’s very clear.

Like I am a customer to these people and then everything I would I would want to win them over.

I’d want to make them laugh.

I wouldn’t trust a thing that they were giving back to me.

And so that doesn’t, I have no desire to do that.

So to that point.

Yes, I can see where sex is daunting, especially if your goal is to be very good for that other person.


And it’s very hard to be very good when you’re young.

So I guess.

Maybe, in that case it would be easier to just jerk off.

I still would have always preferred to have sex as a young young person.

I didn’t know if it was like, I don’t know.

For some reason.

It makes me sad the idea.

So on be so afraid, they’d rather just well.


I just read this piece in the New York Times.

I don’t know.

Listen to me.

I just so letter is that?

Our young people have access all this porn and they, they don’t know, like what the fuck is going on, you know, I mean, that not that I fucking to, but yeah, I’m always hesitant to believe all that stuff.


Because I do think the undercurrent of America that our number one.

Thing we’re still afraid of is like sexuality still, so weird for We won it.

Yeah, so threatening again because I think it triggers our biggest biggest fears, but there is still a very puritanical vibe in this country that I just can’t wrap my head around.


And so when I read those pornography things, it’s like sure.

It’s certainly fucking up some dudes.

It’s probably saving some marriages.

Well, it’s probably like, you know, who knows what the net result of it is.

But I have a very hard time thinking watching people fuck is really a bad thing.

I think, you know, I just I think it’s a some residual, you know, Quakers settling.


Albania or something?

Oh, I agree with you.

But, but because it’s the, the weight of it and because it’s sort of forbidden as any kind of discussion topic in any format.

So it’s like, you know, you’ve got like this 15 year, old girl who’s like my boyfriend wants to do anal because he saw it on the thing.


What do I do?

Like, how do we not have any kind of discussion or dialogue?

You know, yeah, I’d be very in favor of that.

You know, that we have Very Frank real conversation high school.

It’s like hey, this is not unlike a Marvel movie or the dude flies.


So you fucking a girl in the ass and she’s coming a thousand times.

Probably not going to happen in your lifetime nor you going to blow up a building in New York City.

Like it’s fine to fantasize about that.

But then, let me also tell you what’s real, right?



Get really muddy when that’s the what they’re exposed to so yeah, conversations would be helpful.


Yeah, and again, parents.

Everyone is so awkward about this thing.

Um sex, so of course, they’re being informed by that because no one’s pulling them aside and you’re embarrassed among your friends to not know what’s going on.

So you have to go find out on your own, and that’s all that’s available.



Yeah, so, I don’t think the thing in and of itself is bad or whatever.

I think it is.

How it’s used why it’s using all that, that gets pretty dodgy or dicey.

So then my assumption knowing what you’ve told me now by yourself is that you would be in a relationship.


A good conversationalist.

Thank you.

You to you.

Have a podcast that’s wildly successful back to you dick.

Would you be in a relationship and then someone that you thought would never like you would give you attention and that just was irresistible that approval.


I mean I wasn’t I wasn’t.

You were faithful.

Yeah, I definitely.

I’m a Flirt.

Okay, which I think you both have probably picked up on here.

Oh sure.

Take your sure.


All right.

It’s a good one.


But no, with the exception of a couple of pécs here and there.

Okay, I was the one being cheated on and I was so naive.


I’m proud to.

So, was an odd combination of, when sort of a putting the pieces together.


It was like, I still felt like, well, yeah, that fucking sucks that hurts.

But kind of the better one.

I think the end of the day not not that I meant physically but like how I felt like I was always pretty good.

To destroy your self esteem.



Well, it’s more that I know.

It’s like I, you know what?

I haven’t really thought this answer through yet.

I think it was more that I felt like, fuck this noise.

I am I like eventually there was the realization of like, oh, I’m stronger than this.



I want to be valued more.

Yeah, is, it’s always underestimated.

Is it something you ever tried to work through?


No, so, if someone cheat on you, that was a wrap on them.

Well, hmm.

There was definitely some Denial on my part.

Okay, like willful.




Yeah, but clearly he’s buttoning his shirt as he exits this.


Yes, but and that’s why I was so naive because if a guy would tell me like, oh, you know, she tried to kiss me, but I said, no, I’m in love.

I’d be like, oh, that’s romantic.


Okay, maybe.

That’s because it wasn’t in my personality trait, necessarily to to do a lot of, I don’t know you.

Is I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking.

And now I love it.

That’s the best part of you is that you you’re only sincere and then you’ll get to wonder.


Like I don’t know how to wrap this up and I’m just gonna say that but no, I would believe people.

Okay, but you started saying something and then I probably interrupted you or you went on your own tangent, but you were about to tell me what you and your brother determined was how your parents perfect.


Marriage backfired somehow for you guys.

I think it’s the thing of like You witness your parents and you think, okay.

They got married 21.

They love each other.

They made this whole thing work.

I can trust my own judgment at that age as well.



What’s tricky is of course that things have changed and my parents raised, ambitious kids, and that getting married at 21, 22 is incredibly difficult.

If you want to move to Hollywood and try to make it as an actor.


And hmm.

I think it’s difficult for every single person no matter What they do.

Unless you’re my grandpa and you went to a work at a bakery every day in or around, only men your entire life.

The only woman you saw in your whole life was a Grammy Olas, then it’s pretty management.


But also, you know with my first divorce, I did think a lot about like if people had in my life that I you know loved and respected had said to me.

Hey, I see that you’re not the happiest.

Have you thought about this or you know, like like it seems like you guys Eyes are having some rough patches.


I don’t think I would have listened to them, and I write about it in my book about how an actor in a movie that I did towards the ends in 2007 who didn’t know that.

But without well, he was like, Anna.

What the fuck?

Like, what’s going on with this relationship?


Oh, really?

Yes, and it was such a light, was a cold water being dumped on my head.

It was like, you’re so fucking right?

And three days later.

I was like I’m done.

There’s no going back from that.


Yeah, because I needed I needed to end to credit my parents and family and friends.


Like I wouldn’t have heard them.

You know, I wouldn’t have I wouldn’t have taken it in.

I would have been well, yeah, it would be such a source of embarrassment from the people.


And just like I got rid of of you.

I got this.

You don’t get it.


I got this.


I do you read a lot of this stuff on your Twitter.


Like do you read the stuff people write to you?

How many of my Twitter followers are going to be listened to?

I have no idea.

No II can only hope, all of them.

I have been very resistant and terrible with social media.

Okay, I feel about it.


Oh, I have a trillion opinions that would take us three hours to go over but I did.

The specific thing.

I’m wondering about is I do read the mentions on my Twitter feed, you know, especially if I have something like chips where I work so hard to write and direct and took two years of my life.


If someone says something nice about that to me, like I want to say, Thank you for that, right?

Yeah, if I’m on something, I have really nothing to do with, like, maybe Parenthood where I’m just saying, Jason katims, wonderful words.

I don’t feel much ownership over it.

So, I’m probably not as inclined to thank them personally.

So, you know, depending I guess what I have out in the world is kind of how dialed into it.


I am.

But the thing that I have read, I can’t tell you how many thousands of times is, you and I are both in a relationship or you were in a relationship, and I was, I am still here.

Are people that they liked you guys so much together?


Yeah, and they like us together and I so often would see your name with mine in?

Like a hashtag couples goals, right?

I’m telling you thousand times, right?

And so, I found out about you and Chris by my Twitter feed was so riddled with people who are like know.


It’s you and Kristin and it’s Chris and Anna.

So many people were writing.

Oh my God.

Now if Jax and Kristen separate, love is dead, and I kept saying to Kristen.

So sorry, I don’t know anything about either of your situation nor do I want to know, but I felt so compelled.


I wanted to publicly just say to those people.

You guys that does not mean Love Is Dead.

That does not mean that you guys didn’t love each other more than anything.

And that doesn’t just mean that life is fucking a very complicated and very hard and it’s only Amplified by all the trillion things, you guys having going on.


I just felt this weird compulsion to defend you in something way.

Thanks Chris, and I did talk.

Talk about like, oh boys, like we’re gonna let people down, right?

Yeah, and and yes, and yeah, it, we got like on the Twitter feed, you know, yes, the like love is dead and relationship goals and you know, and and I think what we were also guilty of although we had an unbelievable marriage.


Yeah, and we have a great friendship.

Now, we love our son to death sin and I’m really proud of that because I’m not sure I did that.

Well, the first first, Yeah, but I do like, I think, you know, we obviously cultivated something.


Yeah, I do.


And it was rewarding for a while.

It was like, oh, people seem to think that we are got all this shit.

All right, like, nice.

But even then, even when times were good, did you feel a weird pressure?

Because I do, I sometimes will read that stuff and I go.

Oh, man, when I fuck up, which, in some point, I’m going to or I’m gonna do something.


I’m going to be breaking all.

Like there is a weird.

Pressure to it as much as it is fun.

Like, even if I was an asshole to her and we’re in a fight for two days.

And then I’m reading those comments of like, oh my God, I need to find my Dax and I’m like, I feel guilty.

Like, no, you don’t X is being an asshole right now.

He hasn’t talked to Kristin in a 36 hours, but whatever it is.


Yeah, like yeah.

Yes, a completely.

I’m not Savvy enough to handle that Arena.

Well, so instead, you know, it’s like, okay.

I’ll just like be silent on social media for a while.

Okay, followed around for a while, was there an Cement though.


Like, I feel like I would be embarrassed, if that happened to us is if I like, oh, God, these people are going to think.

I sold them something disingenuous.

When in fact, whenever it was that we did something that you liked that was genuine in that moment and it doesn’t negate it.


Now that later down the road.

I mean, won’t want to go another way.

I don’t know if embarrassment is quite the right word, something.

Akin to that.

I think there was a little, like the, I had a little bit of a childish, feeling of like, oh, come on, fuck.

Grow up.

Oh, yeah.


Like a little anchor.


Yeah, sure, but that we did with 60% of America does.

Because I cultivated it though, like, you know, we intentionally cultivated the idea of like, look at this beautiful family and there were so many moments that were like that, but of course, just like anything on social media.

You don’t post like, yeah.


Chris is at a hotel tonight or whatever is sleeping in his friends.

The Nate’s tonight.

So yeah, I think it’s a very hard Forum to be genuine and I think it does a disservice to people to to not be I guess.


But at the same time I keep like posting but I feel like our very unflattering photos of myself, but I also don’t want to get wrapped up and sucked into the idea of like duck lips and less trying to to emotionally invest.



I don’t know.

I don’t know Dax.

Well, we, um, you know, well, no, I had bail on this same podcast, was the first episode, and we talked a lot about that.

I said, you know, are we part of the problem?

I think social media gives this idea to other people that everyone’s living a great life but themselves.


And I think to try to counteract that her and I have always been dead honest that we’ve been going to couples therapy since day one, you know, she’s got fucking depression is on pills.

I’m a fucking recovering alcoholic like there’s a lot of shit going on.

I have both things.

Yeah, have you wrestled with that depression?



Yeah, I think so.

Probably undiagnosed.

I come from a family where that’s not widely acknowledged.


It’s just just sort of that old-school, mentality of like, but there isn’t really anything wrong.


Right, right.

And it is, you know, or that you could fix it yourself if you tried hard enough, right?


Right, right.


So Kristen, one of my favorite things about her is she’s super open about it and I think has helped that’s wildly any shame at all.

Tall which is important and I tried as sure at ad nauseam talk about getting sober for me, you know, because I think it’s probably it’s in the half of us are this way, you know, it’s not like it’s 5% of us.


It’s all of us.

You know, this Human Condition is challenging and I think why it’s useful for someone like you to say it is if I’m back home in Michigan, still.

And I look at your life and I see a picture of your house.

And I know you’re TV, I have to assume those things we’re going to solve my issues of course.


And I think it’s relevant to go like, you know, those external things.

They are great.

Please don’t take them from me.

I’m grateful for them, but they didn’t fix any of the things that were fun.

They amplify.

Don’t you think?

Or like, maybe, maybe, not, maybe I’m incorrect.

Beginning for me.

Yeah, there’s because because you’re right, because you do assume that there’s this is a fix.


This is like, okay.

I’ve got the car.

I’ve got the thing.

But the other thing and you can lean on it, so when you’re feeling depressed, you can go well, but I do have this house and I do have this job, you know, and other people can’t do that.

So in a weird way, that can also be a trap, because you can be lying to yourself, but that’s why I wanted to talk to you.


When I was driving over here, about why you started a podcast.


And how it must be like, it is for me, therapeutic.

Mmm, having conversations with people who clearly want to be hurt, but This format where it’s intimate.


Do you find that?

That, that it is therapeutic?

Yes, in this way.

I thus far have been lucky enough that I’m, I’ve talked to mostly people have a lot of respect for.

There’s this trick in a a where they tell you early on, like identify somebody who has what you want.


And that doesn’t mean a car.

That means that person seems to like themselves or that person seems content or that person seems to be able to accept the world as it is isolated.

A who for you, is that person and then copy them, you know, learn what they do.


Why, how is it for me?

It’s this guy.

Jeff like, Jeff or my friend Tom.

How is it?

You’re managing your two daughters in your marriage and all these things.

And you seem to be doing it in a way that I could benefit from, in that way.

This podcast is an opportunity for me.

And that’s why I’m so interested when people comment finding out, like, how do you get out of the struggle?


That’s what I want to know.

How do you find self-esteem when you go to a public divorce and you still gotta show up for work?

Work on Monday and be funny.

And, you know, every person on that soundstage knows your business.

Like, how do you fucking navigate that?

That that is, what is an opportunity for me to learn from?


I think, you know, oh God, I think because I had felt distant for a while.


And I had so much, like I have so many wonderful friends and such an amazing team of writers.


And And crew and everything that the like degree of support was overwhelming, and also it felt a necessary.

It was like, definitely like a week where it was like, please don’t pay attention to me.



Is it hard for you though to be vulnerable and accept help?

Yes, and to accept a compassion.


Yeah, that’s very hard for me.

You know, what’s harder that what an odd way when not so much in the last couple of years, but early on when Allison Janney, And I just fucking love her so much and we’re dear friends.


But when when like she would win Emmys and I would feel like this wave of like my dick Monica knows where I’m going.

It would feel like this, like this wave of looks like everyone’s like eyes, like sort of landing on me, like it’s and I was great.


I would just feel like I had no idea how to react in those days want to scream like I’m fine with this.

I’m like, yeah, this is fucking bad.


Yeah, like give me my money.

Yeah, but but but sort of like so yeah, I’ve definitely had I mean, well, I guess, you know, when you’re an actor and eyes are on you, it’s you go through those waves of things and it and it’s funny too because it at work.


I know that some people are You know, get Snappy and Moody with other people, but I don’t see any of it.

And as a person who feels like very much a team member and like, this is my show, like, I want to sit not have to see it.


But I want to, I don’t want to be protected and and I don’t want to feel precious and anyway, mmm, and so those moments are the ones that make me feel precious.

And I don’t know.

I don’t want to feel, I don’t want to feel those things.


Yeah, that makes sense.

It does.


Mine is if you’re helping me obviously I did something wrong, you know, like I need the fact that I need help.

I also think as I told you I come from a family with three kids, one working parent, the way you showed each other, you loved each other was to not be a drag on them to be very self-sufficient.


Like I would be mom.

Look, this is how much I love you.

I I got ready for school.

I cleaned my thing.

I even cooked you breakfast.

I know how hard this is.

So now in life for me.

To be a drag on people or for me to need Kristin.

It’s almost impossible for me to ask, think, actually, so intuitive.


She has shown up times when I didn’t either, but I could have never asked it.

Almost feels like I’m telling you, I’m being selfish and I don’t love you.

You know, I’m saying?

Like it feels like a selfish act to require help.

Okay, and you just can’t get through life.

Without help.

Like I couldn’t have gotten sober, I’d be dead right now.


If not for the help of all these men over the last 13 years, who helped me, but man it’s so hard for me to be vulnerable.

Durable enough to say, I do need help.

It kills me.

It’s like the hardest thing for me to say, Well, it also, with what we do.

We’re essentially like our own, you know business, right?


So, we’re hustling All Around Town.

We’re selling ourselves.

Just ourselves were moving from job to job or trying to get shit made and everything’s kind of temporary.

We don’t know when we’re going to work again.

We don’t know if something’s going to work it is, it is sort of built into whatever personality thread that that is is built in.


Into our industry.

It’s actors, but weirdly like Chris and I had share almost none of the same issues.

They’re almost polar opposite.

And we have the same job.

She’s better at than me.

But whatever.

We have the same job.

I have to imagine were you and Chris, you are different.



No, you aren’t.

You are very similar.

I think so.

I mean, I, yeah, I do, I think so.

I mean, we grew up in neighboring towns, very, you know, similar sense of humor similar, although, I will say, I think that He was always naturally very popular.


Oh, well.

Yeah, he’s a jock in high school.


Use a stud.


So we do have those that difference there because I wasn’t.

Yeah, just sort of a just a natural leader like and just always very Alpha.





And, you know, people were drawn to her to him.

It was the first time I dated somebody that was popular is this I want to end on a high note, so Does this is where I dig down?

No, no, so like I just, you reminded me.


I try to downplay how lucky all this is, you know?

Yeah, but the truth is, there are many times where it’s preposterously lucky.

And we’re so spoiled one of those times was 10 years ago.

Kristen got invited to Hawaii and the deal was come to Hawaii.


We will fly you.

And your boyfriend first class, and you all have a huge suite at the Four Seasons and your obligation.

The one thing she I had to do was to go downstairs out, certain point and eat a piece of chocolate.

I mean, it seems like if you saw it written in a movie you go.


No way.

This isn’t how crazy his seasons in Maui Wowie.

Yeah, and then the other buffoons they wrangled into this, were you?

And Chris like, you and Chris were there.

And, and Kristin.

And I were there, and I think we’re all pretty Suli dating.


See you guys to look like you’re here to we, I gotta eat some fucking chocolate, too, because you don’t know.

It might be Octomom, like, she might be the other popular person they’ve invited and that’s who you’re going to be standing and photos with while you eat this piece of chocolate.


Luckily it was you guys which was so fun and we kept bumping into you guys throughout the, the resort, right?


And I think we were all so appreciative of how stupid this opportunity was that we were all.

We were all four of us were pretty giddy with how Preposterous this was, right?

Yeah, and then you had bought Chris a pair of, remember you bought him a pair of Speedos that were like either.


American flag or Americana as we call them.

So I think that was the first time I met him and he is on the goddamn Beach and a pair of fucking American flag Speedos prancing around.

There’s photographers.

He doesn’t give a fuck.


No, that was amazing and he was posing.

I know it was so it was so fucking great.

It was really spectacular and then is I remember and tell me if you have a different memory.

You guys were partying.

We Weren’t we were I was sober and then she just simply wasn’t drinking, but you guys were and you were pretty bombed.


By the time, it was time to eat a piece of chocolate.


Is my American girl like me what the fuck Dax?

I just remember, we, I want to say we took the same elevator down or something.

Oh boy, and you were bombed.

Oh, fuck.


And I remember thinking, I don’t know if she’s gonna make a deep.

This piece of chocolate Bowl, did.

I don’t know him.

This is a mystery.

I want solved.

We left, I haven’t been invited back to the festival.

So that’s not a great sign.


But I think we left that vacation pretty certain that you weren’t able to fulfill your obligation of eating this piece of chocolate.

I had a movie there.

Okay, so you had you fulfilled other obligations?



Thank you Dax.


Oh my God, maybe even a short film.

But to me, that’s the best punch line of the stories.

Like, all right, so all You got to do to fulfill all this is eat this piece of chocolate.

We’re doing.

Anyone could do that then notion again, whether it’s true or not.

I prefer my memory is that you may maybe didn’t eat the piece of chocolate.


You know what?

I don’t know.

Monica for the sake of the story.

No, I remember you guys.

Been obsessed with crossword, puzzles on that trip.

Yes, we used to race each other.

That was always impressive to me.

We had the same book and then we would, we shake hands, and we say good.


To you.

And then there’s no G and then we would get right into the rice.

You remember, Brad Garrett in the pool.

By the way, I do.

Yes, I do.

I wonder if that’s a trip.

Was Eddie Murphy at that hotel.

To Willie was the whole Maui Film Festival.

Oh, so maybe he was.




Those people I don’t think we’re there to eat the chocolate.

I think that was his you guys in us.

But again they did they had no interest in meeting the chocolate.

When it came time to eat the chocolate.

They didn’t hand me any they want to just they wanted bailed.

Eat that piece of chocolate.

She was only Blonde that got maybe they were smart enough to get some of you in case, one of you dropped out from some midday drinking.


Hey, I don’t know malli.

That’s just my assumption of what happened on a.

Thank you so much for making time.

I know you’re busy.

Busy busy.

Thanks so much and love to your sweet.

Little boy.

You’re amazing.

And I’m so glad that you’re doing this and I and I’m going to come on yours again, please do.



We’ve like kind of tapped.

I’m gonna have to like bullshit.

No, you’re right.

You’re right.


Yeah, yeah, you’ll learn what town.

I’m from this time.

No, that was a Mel.

You’re not going or what time?


Well, I love you.

Thank you for everything.


Thank you so much.

Stay tuned.

If you’d like to hear my good friend and producer, Monica Patman point out, the many errors in the podcast, you just earned.

Monica badman tie at MD honeydew, your Twitter handle MD.


Well, it’s weird.

It should be MLD.

What is it D?

Why are you saying be because I fucking dyslexia.

What is it?

@M l pad, man.


Well, that’s still confusing.

Why am l in there?

That’s my middle name Lily.

Yeah, but that’s not widely known.


I don’t think anybody just in the word.

The D was coming from you kept saying Daddy and I wasn’t sure.

Yeah, there’s a d and Padma, that’s true.

There is It’s a strong D2.

I wish it was MD.

That would be cool a bit.

Dr. Woodley.

Yeah, that’s my father’s initials were Dr. S in on his golf bag.


It’s a Dr. Shepherd.

I think intentionally people thought that they were golfing with a doctor.

They were amidst a doctor.

A medical professional fact.

Check me.


Well first I just wanted to congratulate you.

Oh, because you said Smokey and the Bandit was a second biggest movie of the year.


Year and you learned this from a previous fact-check time.

I got it this time.

You got it, right?

Because you said it wrong once before.

So congratulations.

I’m glad that you sandwich that and I also fucked up.



Well you did a good job, but then reminder will need content.


That’s true.

That’s true.

But you did a good job.

Okay, you said scary movie wasn’t written by Lawrence Kasdan and wasn’t directed by quote.

You name it unquote.

Okay, Lawrence Kasdan.

Just for people who don’t know is Very very famous one of the very best writers of all time.


Yes screenwriter.

And he wrote.

Do you know any of the moves?

I don’t think he wrote Jaws.

Okay, Indiana Jones.

Yeah, he wrote he wrote, he Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The lost.

I didn’t see job on thing, but I would have seen it.


I think I was wrong.


Big Chill.

Force awakens return.

A lot of the Star Wars.


Sorry Wars.

Any direct body.


I think he directed that one.

Very sexy movie.

Can I say something?

We had a we had a wonderful guest on a few minutes ago.


Mmm, I can smell him.

Oh, really?

There’s remnants of Keith Morrison’s.

Yes, in a great way.


Mmm-hmm definition of a silver.

Michael loves boys.

She do.

It’s scary movie is written by wait for it.


Shawn Wayans Marlon, Wayans, Buddy, Johnson, Phil Bowman, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

Congratulations, Lotsa guys, and it was directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans.

Oh great.

Yeah, and then you asked, how does Scary Movie 5 do?


Mmm, that was on without her a correct.

Yeah, that made seventy eight point, four million.

Lot of money pretty good before that.

It did really well.

You can’t ask these things post.

No, but you know, what’d be great.

Maybe Rob can just be doing this in the meantime because I would like to see if the previous one made, let’s say 100 and then they didn’t pay her 15 million.


They they screwed the pooch.

They should have ponied up because it would have come out in the wash, right?

Let’s look Scary Movie 4 178. 178 I can save twenty million dollars on her paycheck, but then it costs them.

A hundred million yet.

No bad, but it is, don’t you remember why?


She said?

No, she said it was because she was too old and I looked this up as well.

And she was too old did.

She was too old.

She was 36.

When that movie came out.

Oh, gives a shit to the still show that she looks super young anyway, so it should have been her.


You’re right.

You said that, you checked out fast and the furious Maybe.

Seven or eight when you were quoting Vin Diesel.

Yeah, and I believe that was eight.

It was the last one fate in the Furious.


I think right now I well, I didn’t see the eighth.


I know I didn’t see the one with the submarine racing cars, but I know when you told me that sty, I know I saw the one where there was a tribute to Paul Walker at the end, which I believe the 70 that was seven.

And sadly I didn’t stick around for the Paul Walker tribute, and I really regret it because I heard it was beautiful.

Hmm interesting.



I just remember when You told me that story that you saw it, but I thought you had just seen it because it was in the theater when you told me that.

Oh, really?

Yeah, so that was confusing.

If it’s all, I’ve been telling that story since I saw it two years ago or whatever it was banana and I went, oh, so I was seven.


I haven’t even invented the wood yet, for what I’m gonna do to him.

I almost tried to watch them to see if you’re saying the quote, right?

But that seemed like couldn’t be done.


I didn’t want to do that.

But you say you didn’t know his name in the movie and it’s Dominic Toretto.


Dom you claim that you guys were shit-faced on Red Bull and I just wanted to you can’t do that.

Okay, you aren’t just any underage.

People are trying to give I wanna Red Bull.


Okay, you said most guys have terrible taste but I don’t think you can say that really no.



You think men are generally known for their good style as a stereotype.

No, right?

And it will.

You’ve walked into a lot of mail apartments in your life?


She was a call girl.

Yeah, and did you find that they were, generally Tastefully decorated, or were there like a picture of a Porsche on the wall and Scarface poster, and of terrible black leather couch, gets more age.


When when boys get older, they get gain more taste.

I think those posters come down.

Normally, I’m gonna stick with my claim.

I don’t you guys generally.

Ali are great home decorators.




Well now I don’t know guys listen this podcast.


This is something I was hoping would come up, you know, I’ve come to the conclusion and I’m trying to make peace with it.

I just in general.

I don’t think guys like me too much.

No, I mean I think guys in real life like friends of mine, real life.

They are real life.

People like me, but just the general public, I think men don’t like me.


I’ll fact-check, I guess.

But I don’t think you’re gonna pull.

I want to do a poll like the one that’s on the wall?


I don’t think that’s true.

I think I don’t think they don’t like you but I think women actively like you I think maybe men just aren’t turned on to you.


Yeah, or maybe turned off know.

I don’t that’s I don’t think something.

This is a pattern.

I’ve recognized it from junior.

High on boys, in the older classes really hated me.

The strong personality and wipe.

I don’t know my place.

That’s probably my fault.


I also kind of dressed.

Maybe a little funky funky.

I wore like a hair band in my hair with my triggered some homophobia or something.

I don’t know.

I don’t know what it is.

But I’m just coming to terms with the fact that maybe look, it’s rare where there’s an actor were got women and men.


Love them like Chris Pratt has it right?

He does.

So does Channing Tatum, right?


Yeah, like guys like them.

Yeah, girls like them.

That’s true.

And it’s kind of rare, you know, Joe.


It seems to be a little polarizing one way or another.

And I just am finding that I, you know, I’m not Chris Pratt or in a host of ways, but that’s just one of them.


That’s interesting.



So you guys both brought up the Bunny Ranch for people who don’t know what the Bunny Ranch is.

The Moonlite BunnyRanch is illegal licensed brothel in Nevada.

Um, yeah.

Yeah and you’ve been there.

Well, I pulled into the parking lot of there.


Oh, yeah.

I’ve never partaken.

Not that.

I’m against it or for it.

Just I pulled in the parking lot because I was driving a car for work from Vegas to Reno and that’s on the way.

And I just sat in that parking lot and I ultimately thought I don’t want to walk into a mobile home where there’s a lot of sex happening it just for whatever reason, it seemed it just and it takes a lot to trigger - yeah, I’m surprised very high tolerance for grow dienes and just to me, felt a little Grody.


Is it a mobile home?


It’s a series of mobile whose voltage.

Yeah, right.

It kind of can be pulled up and it was like gumption.

Yeah, Sultan’s Palace or something.

Yeah, that’s what I was picturing.


I think all of us.

Yeah, we hear Bunny.

Ranch you go of marble fancy, Moorish architecture.


And then you guys were talking about the strip clubs and Albuquerque.

That was really funny that she had been to them as well.

Yeah, and I’m going to list them.



Okay, Knockouts.


Wow, Lotus.

Knockouts is the big one.

I don’t want to get sued by Knockouts.


But there’s a lot of reasons that that’s a dodgy name for a strip club.

Oh, no, I see what their meaning I do you like?

Oh, she’s a, she’s a knockout.

She’s a KO.

Yeah, but it does have a little bit of like spousal abuse wife, battery kind of interesting.


I didn’t even think about that fights.

Yeah, Lotus.

Nightclub and VIP Ultra Lounge.

That sound.

Sounds exclusive is an Lounge just Lounge.

Anyway TD’s.

Gold Club?


TDS North Show Club in fantasy world.


None of this ring a bell.



I think I feel like you guys were talking about Knockouts and Lotus Nightclub because those are the two downtown you referred to downtown.


This one was weirdly more towards the Costco.

We were filming.

And so is it was a bit who’s a little bit north of the TDS Gold Club?


That sounds good.

It’s not like, I like that name.

Name a lot fantasy world.

Like I play a strip club like Jr.’s.

That’s a great name for a strip club.


Well, that’s a pancake house.


Just sounds like nuts and bolts operation.


Yeah, not too lofty.

Not not a extreme lounge, or whatever.

He said, ultralight.

Social Lounge.

Yeah, just nudity.

This is garden-variety nudity.

Well, if anyone’s looking to go to any of these, we should help them.

Well, I do want to help.


I do want to say that knock out.

This is an unexpected position.

You’re taking.

Knockouts is for dollar signs on Yelp.

Oh it is.

That’s all right.

That outrageous.




Um, so you might know but you know, if you’re on a budget that knock out those objective though.

Can I just tell you?

I I can’t imagine you frequent it.

A lot of strip club in do feel.

Oh, yeah.


So, you know, there’s a Bargain way to do it and then there’s a there’s a very expensive way to do it.


And if you’re just going to take in the nudity and have a cocktail or two, that’s affordable.

Yeah, but if you want to go in one of those sticky boxes and I have a stranger dance on your lap.

That’s gonna you’re going to rack up some charges quickly.

Yeah, if you’re going to eat at the buffet, that’s where you literally and figuratively.


That’s where you’re gonna get better for dollar signs.

For sure.


You never leave that that private room.

Well, I’m doing my part.

The piece in the New York Times about porn that honor referenced is called what teenagers are learning from online porn Maggie Jones.


Did you read it started to and then we had to come here?


That’s what I want to.

I want to it.

It’s it was interesting.

Generally speaking the New York Times articles or pretty Dependable.

Yeah, really interesting.

I find them to be Y Bar of Journalism.


You said that there’s a puritanical you say this a lot, but there’s a puritanical vibe in this country.


Regarding sex.

Yeah, and I think that’s all relative.

I don’t think that’s true.

Well, yeah, I should be more specific in comparison to other Western Nations.

Like France, Germany, European nation, European nations.


Yes, thinking of Western Civ when I say Western.



I’m assuming that in Tehran, probably just as beautiful or more, but I do think like, it doesn’t take much to just Travel to France and pop on the normal broadcast television.


You see nudity and sex yas’m the rating systems different.


I mean, I guess yeah, if you’re talking about specifically European if you’re comparing to that but and we were settled by Puritans in Quakers and a lot of kind of extreme religious sects that were escaping England, right?


Yeah, but I’m just if you’re comparing us to The current world.


I was.


It’s not.

That’s right.

There’s many more people in the world engaging in Behavior.

That’s far more buttoned up than the United States.


You’re dead.

Right now.

I’m dead.

Wrong spectrum of 10.

Maybe I’ll give France in a u.s.

Of five and I’m afraid to even say what I think.

Some of the Middle East countries are because I don’t want to fall on my head.

I don’t want you to have one but I do think was it.


I really think that Something that is these wrote, but maybe it was these on sorry, or maybe it was something.

He said, don’t talk show.

I’m pretty sure it was him who had travelled to India and then he had, he had noted like, this massive difference.


Just how pervasive it is here, how, like on all of our Billboards?

I mean, the Equinox.

Billboards are two people, two naked people.

I mean, it’s that’s it for a gym like me.

Yeah, Jim ad.

So it’s just, it’s Read.


Yeah, that’s fair.

Anywho on a mentioned.

Her book, her book is called unqualified.

Oh, that’s a very appropriate.

Yes, and then her podcast is also called unqualified.

Should I ever pain a book?

Maybe I’ll call it armchair should people will be able to remember it much easier.


It was smart of her divorce.

You said, 60% of Americans do a current rate is I said that I don’t know what that number is.

I’m, I’m embarrassed.

I took a stab at it.

Okay, 50.


Something if there’s one that’s a very misleading.


Figure much like life expectancy figures.

I think when you hear people lived under 30 years old and the 1500s, there are also counting infant mortality rates which were off the chart, right?

And so as that infant mortality rate comes down the the median age could stay the same, but the, the number changes dramatically and likewise with divorces.


So, aw, so many of the divorces are second and third divorces.

So the people who are getting divorce, get divorced a lot and it really affected.

Is that number?




You said Chris Pratt was a jock in high school.

I think he’s a wrestler.


He was a wrestler.

Yeah, they just wanted to.

He’s okay a little more specific.

He is a man among men wearing that singlet.

Oh, he’s big.

He’s got a real sturdy build.



I’d like it’s like he looks strong.

It’s not like he was cut on that beach per se.


But like, huge trapezius, very pronounced.

Do you know what it might be?

Do you know?

That why he might be appealing to everyone.


Because he’s not gorgeous.

No, I wouldn’t say that.

I wouldn’t be caught saying that but he’s not threatening.


Yeah, at all.

Even though he is this very masculine Alpha, man.

He’s not a threat and he seems, he seems very relatable and nice.

This is nice.




So does.

Anning exactly, they both tables are that way in real life, which is, yeah, annoying.


So maybe that’s the key.

Mmm, and then you called it a pair of Speedos I did.

But I think if you’re wearing a speedo, it’s just a speedo.

I think.

Oh, Harry Dean situation.

A a pair of underwear.


I know.

I don’t know because I were on the floor.

I know.

But I don’t, because I have problems.

Maybe have singers.

No, I just don’t think it’s I think it’s factually incorrect because a pair is to you.

Think it’s because there’s two leg holes.


I think that’s why G people say that about genes to like, get yourself a pair of jeans.


The know, get yourself a just one gene or genes.

You save just genes, which is also stupid because that’s plural.

But you mean a singular?

You either singular jeans, they’ll go out and treat yourself right here.


So my really expensive Jean.


I’m going to start saying that.

One pant people you’ll lose friends faster than you can count.

I don’t need them.

That’s all.

Oh, that was not, not bad and we’ll dive deeper into whether or not men hate me or not.


You know, this maybe you’ll be an evolving ongoing.

We agree occurring.

Oh, this is, um, I just want to throw out there for no real reason, but I have a, I have a few different reoccurring dreams, and I’ve shared them with you.

Mhm, one’s been one about Robert Downey jr.

Since I was like, 12 years old, I just A dream bottom.


Once a month is open, after you’ve met him, you still think they kind of stopped.

They did became friendly with him.

And also I’ve sworn to never tell him this as I told you like you said, did you ever tell him that you dreamt about him every single month?

And I said, no, I think that’d be a weird thing to hear from somebody.


I’d like to know I would too.

Yeah, but I’m not Robert Downey, jr.

But I have a reoccurring dream where I’m in a room.

I’m in a house and I can’t get out.

And there is a lion in the room or sometimes more than one.

Like I’m at someone’s house and I discovered they could Collect exotic big game cats, right?


And these dreams are fucking terrifying.

I’m just, I can’t escape them this week.

I had a dream and I think I told you there, I went into someone’s house.

Of course, they had a tiger like a full-blown Bengal tiger gigantic, 600 pounds, and it tackled me on a bed that was waiting for it to eat me and then I realized it was being a little bit playful and I said, oh, are you, are you just trying to play and then the tie going?


And it had this really sweet cute, high voice, you know.

Oh, can you understand English?

And the Tiger goes?



I just answered a bunch of questions and it just kept saying Yeah, and it was so cute.

And then I just kind of wrestled with it and snuggle bit and I feel like that might be some weird breakthrough.


Like whatever the cat represents maybe in life.

I’ve conquered that fear.

And now the big cat is a friend in my, in my Lumber.

Yeah, I wonder if.

Well, first of all you haven’t had that dream since write him a note was earlier this week, but you haven’t had that again.


I haven’t had a second positive dream, right?


Or - you haven’t seen the tiger again.

No, okay, but when did you first have this dream?

Do you remember?

I can’t remember but that certainly would be a clue to what it represents.

Yeah, because this is what I think happened.


I think you had this dream when Kristen was pregnant.


Really good theory, but it can I tell you something.

All right.

I am.

I’m a lifetime.


The one thing in my entire life that I’ve never been pessimistic about, was both getting pregnant the pregnancy.


And then having the kid I had the best feeling about all of those.

I’m like, I’m gonna get you pregnant first shot.

It’s gonna be a great pregnancy.

The kids going to be healthy and everything’s going to be great.

I just had the most positive feeling about it.

Yeah, but I don’t think, I don’t think it’s pessimism and I don’t think it’s outward.


That’s Why you’re dreaming about it, but I but people, there’s no way you didn’t, you didn’t have any anxiety.

I had no.

And I think that’s largely become because I was not, was I still am almost seven years older than Carly my sister.

And so I took care of her a lot as a little kid, I cared for her and I changed her diapers and I fed her a bomb.


So I had done that.

I had that experience.

So I didn’t have that fear people have when they’re coming home from the hospital and they have this little baby in their own little Jesus.

We got to keep it alive.

I was like, oh, yeah, I did that at seven.

I’m sure I can do it 32.

That’s true.

But I think you’ve seen me parent more than any other person other than my wife and Carly and they and the kids themselves.


And I’m not anxiety-ridden about him.

Well, I feel like I have a path and I know you’re not you’re not but I do and I don’t think it has anything to do with knowing what to do with a baby.

I had also had a little brother and I babysit every kid in Los Angeles.



Yeah, but I would still have anxiety.

Not like, how do I feed a baby or how do I do that?

But just parenting, that’s a different level of anxiety of.

I’m now responsible for a human for the rest of their life.

And what percentage, though of that is just a financial like, oh, fuck now till 1990.


So that’s 0.


No, just just the idea that this the bottom line is, we got to get you pregnant ASAP.


Let’s test it out dreams about tigers and then we’ll know definitively that that’s all.

Mine is but we’ll just make sense because now this now you know, like now that tiger is telling you in a very cute, Delta sized voice that she’s nice and there to play.


It’s not that.

I imagine.

It’s more career-related.

That’s my heart.


All right.

Well, I love you and let’s do this again shortly.