Welcome to armchair expert.
We have a guest that a lot of people been asking for for two reasons.
I think a they’re just interested in him, which is very natural.
But even I think more pronounced is the desire to hear the two people who look most alike on planet Earth, sit down and talk to one another because for many years now, go over a decade.
Zach Braff often gets asked if he is Dax Shepard and and I always get asked if I’m Zach Braff.
And people on Twitter like to remind us of the similarity every few minutes.
I think, I think we’ve both had a fun journey of accepting that embracing it.
We will talk at Great length about it.
Zach Braff, you know, from Without a Paddle, Punk’d Zathura parent.
Oh wait now Zach gravity know from Scrubs and Garden State.
He has a brand new show called Alex ink which is premiering right now or just came out, so please sit back and enjoy.
Boy, this in-depth exploration of two?
Can I be pluralized?
I don’t know.
Maybe Monaco effect.
He’s an object.
Greenlight chips, because I’m not going to not work for the neck, right?
Two years or whatever but I thought that was the Apex of our similarity is that we were.
And I remember seeing you on.
I was, I remember seeing you on the lot and let me introduce you.
Sorry, Zach around rolling.
We will be, it’s like looking in the mirror.
Zach Braff welcomed to the armchair expert.
I think this is for many folks who like one hand or both of us?
This is this is a long time in the make it happen.
The America wanted this where I don’t think, I don’t think.
America is ready for us to be visually in front of them.
At the same time, all the picture, the picture that you’re going to.
We’re going to take is going to blow people’s mind.
I think you, and I both talked publicly about the fact that Kristen wants took out one of those face swapping photos of you and I and to switch her face and you genuinely can’t tell whose faces.
It’s really weird though.
Because I mean we even the tired I think you have there are get bomber, isn’t it?
That’s all right, but I mean, we’re actually the same age too, right?
I’m 42 about 40 43.
I’ve Been Told I look like so many people throughout my life.
But I feel like as we’re aging we are aren’t we are merging in our looks getting even closer and also, you’ve gotten way more successful and known.
And it’s changing in really annoying.
Good, good good, good, and I really want to go through the history of the whole thing.
Yeah, you let me start because my for earliest memory of it is, is Kristen taking that faceswap picture.
It was long time ago.
It was at, I think the so has her some some event, some fancy things.
I’m fancy a valley, would eat some Hollywood.
And I remember all that is funny because we do kind of look alike.
That was the first time you had heard that.
No, I think I’d heard it.
And so I I knew why she was doing it, but I think it wasn’t it wasn’t everywhere right now it now it comes in my life every two days.
Yeah, I think both of us have had tweets where we said like if someone doesn’t point that out to me after like a day, I think Twitter’s broken.
Like, I think that actually is not functioning for people.
It’s funny that on Twitter.
People are like, has anyone ever thought that like, yeah, people have thought it.
It reminds me of out.
We’ll go Places and moms will say to Kristen.
Like, I know this is crazy.
But my daughters are obsessed with Frozen.
It’s kind of like, well, yeah, made a billion for I assume some girls are out.
Yeah, let me tell you what hurts my feelings when they find out.
I’m not you.
This is how usually goes down, because we have so much in common.
What’s bizarre is not a.
We look alike.
We have so much in common.
And one of the things is that we were both on a show that mixed drama and comedy.
So I will have people come up to me in ago.
I did a holding their heart and then I loved your show and I go thank you so much.
You’re so sweet, and they’ll go on and just the way that it would go between comedy and drama.
I know that was all Bill Lawrence and no, I’m not gonna say, I didn’t improv a little and, and they’d be like and your wife is the cutest.
I’m like, oh, I don’t have a wife.
Let alone a cute one.
Welcome to my world where my I think most Compliments are just a conduit to tell me.
They like, my wife.
It’s like, you gotta get through the part where they act like, they like me, just of Italy.
Christians, Fame is really made things difficult for me.
Well, let me tell you from might because you are successful before I was in the very first time, this was brought to my attention, is my uncle called me.
Oh my God.
I thought you finally got a show.
If you’ve seen the show Scrubs.
I’m like, no, you go.
This guy’s identical to you.
And, you know, generally when people tell you, you look like somebody I never agreed.
Yeah, the other people I’m like, I don’t see it, people tell me I look like Tom Petty.
I do I get Tom Cavanagh.
Do you get Tom?
Cavanagh know you get Ray Romano?
I do together where we diverges that.
I don’t look anything like Ray, you know, you do look like a little bit.
Our Venn diagram overlap said John Ritter, I think.
I’ll take that.
Let me both look a little like a young.
Yeah, I get the guy a lot from Kreuger.
Chruch a cougar’s.
Do you like a Gordon?
I’m not gonna get the chat right now.
It was better when you were both.
Of us when your hair was more blond.
Yeah, I think you should go.
Is there some sort of why are you open to dying?
I used to get highlights because my hero Brad Pitt got highlights.
So I did too, and yeah, I’ve just fallen off a bit.
But so my uncle says, you know, watch this show Scrubs and I tune it in.
And I gotta say, I was like, oh my God, that is me not just the physical stuff like the nose and the mouth but the way you talk the way your lips moved.
I was like, this is very tired.
Well, that’s new though a night.
His remaining for you.
I had, I always had this.
Oh, you did.
I just thought it was sort of my complexion and then the makeup artist sound shows are always trying to cover it up.
I’m like, that’s not going anywhere.
Should we go in for like, maybe we could sue for one?
Because basically, once they draw the, you know, the template on one face, they can just replicate.
So it’s funny.
You once said to me and I always tell people this story because we come from such different backgrounds.
And you said, look, let’s get this.
The movie sells itself.
We were separated at Birth twins.
Identical twins, identical twins.
You said I You were raised in the South.
Yeah, or like, you work on a ranch or something.
And I’m like East Coast, Jewish guy.
Yeah, and for some reason, we have to go to the opposite.
I have to go work with the hillbillies.
Yeah, and you have to go to the bar mitzvah for the Goldbergs.
Well, you know, be great is just a body switching comedy with you and I cause we know, so there’s no snakes.
There’s absolutely no Stakes.
It’s like, oh, no, I look just like me and I do the same thing.
What will I do?
No more like that movie, Dave.
Yeah, yeah, we looks exactly like the president.
And so they put him in as a front for the president.
But my pitch to you that that movie was called nature versus nurture and it was the movie was, you know, in a comedic way was going to tackle.
What does your upbringing do to you?
Could it make you a Jewish guy on one side and a hillbilly on the other you started as the same.
This is nice.
I know where I’m.
I’m one tickets, sold for that movie back.
I don’t know why I haven’t pitched it yet.
But so first I saw, you know, scrubs and then I got to tell you my personal feelings about Out were oh great.
I’m not going to ever work anyways, and certainly not now because there’s already a me work.
They already got me.
They don’t need a second one.
So I was jealous of you for sure.
And then the next time it happened was puncta dared.
I Do Without a Paddle, I’m in San Francisco.
With the other two boys, Matt and Seth, and where they’re promoting it.
And a guy comes up to me, on the street.
Oh my God.
I’m so fucking excited to see your movie.
And I’m like, oh, thank you.
Because Garden State, and without a paddle came out.
Within the same summer, I believe.
I was dating one of your co-stars.
Just a just make it weirder.
I do remember that.
It was the exact time God.
I forgot all about that, cuz I would make those jokes in New Zealand like easy to get confused.
No one would blame you.
But that was the first experience.
I was so, you know, same shit.
He, oh my God, I can’t wait to see your movie.
I’m thinking great.
People are going to see without a paddling.
Oh my, it looks so funny.
I’m like, yep, it does look funny and they do that thing where you’re like standing in front of the wallpaper with the same shirt, and I’m like, well wrong guy.
Yeah, that’s a little disappointing.
You have your big moment kind of stone.
Especially the very beginning.
Yeah, I understand.
And I’m going to play armchair psychologist.
I just have to imagine if I’m you.
Okay, and I’m start getting compared to a guy who’s on a reality show, Punk’d.
I’m not pumped about that.
It’s not like they’re saying, you know, you look like Richard Gere.
Will you please pledge?
If you’ve always been very fit.
Oh, so I always assumed that they thought I was muscular.
In fact, I was laser, but that my dog go this way.
Dr. Literally yesterday, I walk in and he’s really sassy doctor.
He likes to be a wiseass.
It’s part of his shtick and he goes, I gotta tell you something.
I just saw this movie on the plane and I go going and styles pretty good.
Because no, no, no, it was a guy who looks like you.
I’m like Dax Shepard Giggles.
Chips on the plane.
You really really look alike.
I know he’s, he’s a really good shape.
I got and I gonna know he works out a lot.
I think, obviously, and he goes, no, but I mean, like he’s really, really good shape.
I don’t know.
I got and I got everything.
We’re doctor to meet.
Oh, listen to goes One Step worse.
So I know I got it.
I got it so that he was going to go to room to.
I’ll be in a second, comes in a room to he goes.
I mean the dude is like ripped.
Are you guys?
Okay, take out de sica’s.
Take off your shirt and we’re gonna take some blood and I take off my shirt.
Yeah, you look nothing like enough.
That’s my doctor.
I’m like, you’re such a dick, but, but, but again, back to the potentially emotional stuff, you write of it.
I’m sure expert because I feel like it again.
This is my own.
This is my own perspective and I’m sure it’s very warped by my own insecurities.
Yeah, but my perspective was that you did not enjoy that.
For now, you rather than it.
Yeah, I didn’t think at all.
Okay, you’re from New Jersey.
Is that accurate?
I’m from South Orange, New Jersey.
How close is that to Manhattan?
It’s about 45 minutes.
There’s a commuter train that will take you there in 20 minutes.
And what did your parents do?
My dad was a trial attorney?
Hmm, corporate litigation.
My mom raised four kids and wasn’t was a nurse and then decided she wanted to go back and get her PhD.
And whilst raising four kids.
She went back to school at nights.
And got her PhD and became a psychologist.
Yeah, it’s pretty amazing.
So your mom is a very strong kind of major term and amazing and so smart and you find that you’re attracted to non deadbeats exclusively know my mom.
I was, I was I would date someone.
I married my mother for sure.
Why would you want seems Powerhouse?
Oh, she’s strong machine work workaholic company started as a janitor built.
This great company very inspiring and When I had girlfriends, I was like, what, what are you up to today?
I’m just gonna, and I’m, like, I’m out.
If you’re not like tangling lying above those of that.
I think I often end up with women who don’t have the most Direction the opposite.
And what do you think that is in some weird way, a rejection of your mother or I think it’s Hollywood.
I’m just around.
I’m not to blame it on.
The town was my I think we’re on my own responsibility.
But you know, there’s so many people in our industry that are sort of aimless.
And that’s who I’m around.
But most often, as you said, you date women, who are like, what you doing today?
Like I don’t know.
I’m probably gonna, I might work out, and then I’m going to read Instagram.
Yeah, I might have Instagram but it, but it could be.
It’s also I think an easy trap, if you have the lifestyle that you have where you’re working weird hours, and then you’re on locations.
And then you also live in New York.
So the less someone has going on, the more conducive, it is for them to join you for the ride. 1000%.
And that’s what gets in the way.
When you when you know, last person I was exclusively, was she wasn’t?
Business, but she had a child and was sort of based here and that definitely makes you go.
Oh, well then, how do I continue to?
How do you go on location for six months or how you know, it’s like especially when you’re directing your there longer.
And so anyway, it’s just that’s why of course, that’s the that’s one of the trophy reasons.
Why actors often date other actors just because they have all that sort of Lifestyle.
Yeah, and your dad is clearly a bright individuals.
Yes, trial attorney.
Yeah, and he’s the reason I got in the business actually because his hobby was he loved theater more than anything.
And he did the community theater plays.
He was always the star.
Oh really good.
And so I would go as a little kid and watch him and be the star of the local production and have people cheer for him.
And I was like, I want Ms. Yeah that looks like it tastes good.
Yeah, and I was on the stage crew.
I would be like the little kid helping out on the sets.
Moving the sets and then little by little, I’ve got to do it.
And my stereotype of a trial attorney as someone who’s pretty Agro.
It was he was the alpha in nature.
No, it wasn’t Alpha is for sensitive, you know, lover, I’m a big hugger of a guy, uh-huh.
Just accidentally said, my dad was a sensitive lover.
But what I meant was what I meant was that he’s a patient lover.
I’m is intend to never, you never rushes.
No, I meant that he meant is that he is a big softie Huggy kind of guy and no, I mean it was a tough attorney.
I’m sure when he needed to be but he was he was a great dad and they stayed married.
No, no, don’t be ridiculous.
Don’t you find out?
Someone is someone who knows?
And what age were you when they got divorced?
I was eight.
That’s pretty rough because you have the whole nuclear family experience for quite a while.
I did in that, it sucked.
And then they they both meant well, but what they did was they did joint custody a week in a week, which is not something a lot of people do know, that’s bizarre.
But but I don’t recommend it.
You can’t build a life and either place, right?
Pretty much you would be sad on Sunday when you move and then throughout the course of the week you’d get used to the other rhythms of the I’ll see you used to the other parenting style and then bout Friday, it feels right.
Yeah, and then on Sunday, you’d move again.
That’s good for me to hear because, of course.
My woe is me.
I had my dad did every other weekend, but on that weekend usually dropped us off in my grandparents.
And man, are we went to the bar with him?
So I’m like, oh, well, that’s as bad as it gets.
Well, I think but I heard it’s also some room between is ideal.
Maybe that’s the way.
Yeah, I mean they he meant well because they were going through divorce, whatever it happens, but he wanted to be as involved as possible, but I don’t think it was it was good for Our mental health and a very time-consuming job lawyer, right?
Probably the worst hours of any occupation.
Yeah, a lot of pressure work a ton.
He worked a ton.
We had that we had a babysitter when we pretty much all the time V.
I’m a Haitian woman who taught me Creole.
Could you say anything to us?
Or is that a cultural appropriation?
Will we get in trouble for?
I don’t know.
I think so.
We got Monica, you’re asking three interesting.
You’re asking a minority woman do that.
So, I mean, that’s my, I think It was mozzie curses.
She’d yell at her daughter Cynthia, my because I figure what kinda been more cheese salad, which pretty much means like, came here.
I’m gonna break your face coming to eat you.
You slut perfect sentence for you to learn.
It is what she would be.
She would be for a person with who daughter.
She would have this, he had the cutest little daughter and she would scream in her in in Creole and eventually you’ve got all the research we like what are you saying?
And he’s like, you don’t want to know but we We’re running around me like because if you go your Haitian, listening audience is shocked.
That I know this the really excited.
I will say you just far exceeded my expectations.
Well, how about you Monica when I said do you know any and then he kind of looked down and I could see he was trying to recollect, lemons are one of the best.
He’ll get one word.
I was trying my search my brain for a phrase that she would yell my because they figure I’m gonna I think it means I’m gonna break your fucking face.
So Monica was just on vacation with Chris and I in Turks and And of course, the very first thing I do is I’m picking up some of the words that the guys that work their use.
And then, of course, I’m insisting on using them to, and it’s of great embarrassment to Monica.
When I’m saying Wigwam was that the thing?
They’re probably they’re probably used to tourists coming and trying to be cool.
It’s a sickness.
I have where I can’t have a hard time not being a part of any group that I’m around the notion that I won’t be.
Included, is insufferable.
To me pretty gregarious guy.
It seems like tool fault.
It seems to be one.
Will you place we differ since we have some of the same DNA, you are very gregarious and outgoing and popular and popular?
Like, well, you have a lot of friends, don’t you?
I think I know who the guy is very, so you’re very social.
I love have.
I think the one thing that makes being on planet Earth worthwhile is being as having friends.
And so you and your wife, you often, when you’re not working going to that people’s things and events.
Well, that were not I mean, I will say that’s probably misleading because obviously the only time you are, I see each other is at an event.
That’s rest assured.
That’s probably the one event we went to.
I mean, we’re very like body.
Oh, yeah, but were super social.
We’re always at someone else’s house with each other, friends and family were kids.
And we have kids and when you have kids, you’ll see like everything right?
It’s all about making getting them preoccupied so you can so you can like a dream or something.
So Mom, she continued to practice psychology.
She had a practice and patience.
My mom fell in love and moved in with a My stepfather.
They got married and then they both would see patients in the living room.
Yeah, and we were kids.
We would East drop, you know, I feel like in the Bible in the basement, like with my model trains, like like listening.
I can’t believe that what they’re fighting about and like it would be the most intense.
Yeah, therapy stuff.
Is it is that good or bad to hear as a kid?
I remember the first time it happened.
There was a couple arguing in the living room.
They were crying and screaming as couples.
Couples therapy to goodness.
Will eventually my parents.
Figured I’d like a felt like I was going to say, like, my parenting style is like, this is close to mr.
As you can get, like they hear the goddamn truth.
If she asks, how baby comes a penis in the vagina, Jackie lid on the ovum, like, I don’t, I don’t shy away, but you can make it, not say a jacket.
And say there’s a magic sauce, baby batter know, I probably cleaned it up a bit.
But even if with my stance on this, I don’t know that, that’s the ideal scenario, but Maybe it is welcoming you to what the world really is, which, I don’t know.
I think it was traumatic at first and then they got a little bit better about picking the hours because at first, it was like, you know, after dinner, like gonna see a married couple in the living room, but then they started figuring it out and scheduling the mostly during the day, but you’re hearing about people’s sex lives are no, I was questionably, right?
Because that’s usually a big problem and I relationship.
I don’t mean to say that I was sitting there with my ear against the wall.
What I mean to say, is that when it would Crescendo like, well, they were the living room with the door closed.
Uh-huh, but whenever Crescendo like, fuck you, Bob Yeah, yeah, then you’d hear ya or when some woman was was weeping.
You’d hear it.
Yeah, it’s hard to address the HO train tracks when when someone’s crying above your head.
And do you think that your mother did you ever at Times?
Feel like she was psychoanalyzing you sometimes, but I would say more often than not, it was good.
It was a good thing because they were she was my mom is an amazing listener.
And actually, you know, it started as you start to get older.
Wait a minute.
This is free therapy.
Yeah, if you dig it, I’m well, I did.
And then I eventually I’ve been to therapy.
On my own, without it, being a parent’s out, your mom which is better.
I’m sure there were times where I was like, oh my God, stop analyzing me, but I think they were more times than not than not that.
It was like, wow.
She’s such a good listener.
She’s really sitting there and being patient and letting me voice my feelings.
Yeah, that part’s great.
Well, first, I should say, I’m very Pro therapy.
So I think it’s a great resource.
But I’ve also heard this stereotype that generally, you know, people that are drawn at their psychology as a major, you know, pretty fucked up themselves and then this cycle.
I heard that, you know, that’s not my experience.
My mom was not that way and maybe more delicate about that.
So you’re searching for some healing and because you have some trouble and you go, oh this place has some answers.
I’m attracted to finding out those answers.
I don’t mean to say it in though, they’re fucked up and then they go into psychology.
But clearly if something ails you and there’s a solute potential solution.
I could see where it would funnel in people that were feeling a little bit.
Well actually interesting.
My mom was the this is crazy.
But my mom she was a psychiatric nurse first.
So she was the Night Nurse.
Nurse at the VA psychiatric ward.
Star, New Jersey.
Yeah, so that’s a ground zero.
That’s a really really intense job at night.
And and by the way, she had four kids, I think was so dedicated to helping people and was so blown away by what she saw.
In this VA hospital that been, she was like, I really want to get my PhD and I want to be a doctor.
I don’t want to see honors.
Stay tuned for more armchair expert.
If you dare.
And what order were you in these four Kid last?
Oh you were yeah, huh.
I’m not super familiar with what that is supposed to be.
That provide the perfect for you being an armchair expert.
I’m a middle child.
So I know all about and I’m very familiar with what a firstborn does.
But what is the last form do?
I think it would say you’re spoiled, right?
I don’t know.
I mean, they’re kind of like will give you whatever you want at this point and you have a little bit longer leash because they’re tired of micromanaging.
Yeah, you and your siblings that are In you.
Yeah, and also, you know, I think they are and a lot of The Kinks with the first 3.
So things they were doing that.
We’re not working by the time they got to me they were like, let’s try it this way this time.
Yeah, and I think they were probably more patient with me and and more support may be more supportive of what I wanted to do.
And how spaced out where you guys roughly.
Every, my eldest brother is 10 years older than me.
So, and then, my brother is viewers are going to him.
And then my sister, I don’t know, like roughly 2 or 3 each and did you idolize any of those, all of them?
You did all of them at different times?
Is my brother, Adam came out to Hollywood, you went to UCLA and then he was out here working in Hollywood and I would come out and I just, you know, I so want to work in the movie even as a little kid and I just he would bring me on sets and and I just thought it was the most exciting thing.
So did he pursue something?
And he started in the art Department?
He went to art school at UCLA and then he got in got into the union and started working in the art department on TV shows and movies as a set dresser and was kind of working on really big shows and then he started writing and they’re actually my last movie that I’m 8 not before going in.
I was called Wish I Was Here inspired by our family and I wrote that with him.
Yeah, the very good writer.
But yeah, that’s so my point is, as I was a kid coming out here.
He was bringing, he would bring me on these amazing sets and bring me these prop houses and it was just so excited.
Anything at that.
I’d ride is like anything that’s getting close to the businesses.
No, I had no other interests except entertainment didn’t know interested in sports, had no interest in.
I mean, I liked girls and I liked being an actor and a filmmaker.
That’s all I wanted to do.
And did you act as a kid?
Yeah, my first part was Actually in a pilot for CBS and it was Gwyneth Paltrow’s first part as well.
Oh, no kidding and nothing ever became of her.
We were not pilot for CBS called high about a high school and she was the beautiful cheerleader and I was the nerdy freshman.
Okay, you know, ensemble, cast High School show.
Did you date in the show when we didn’t?
But I remember thinking as a 14 year old boy, that type of beautiful human being.
I have not yet seen in South Orange, New Jersey.
Yeah, because she’s nine feet tall and blonde.
She was just his quest Paltrow met at 17 18, and she was the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life was before you.
And I never see him.
Did you tell me personally, or did I see an interview with you?
But did you used to go to Camp?
I went to a theater Camp called stage-door, Manor!
Which is when you when you’re a kid and you like acting and you really want to take it.
Seriously, you go.
Yeah, and it’s why I got scouted by by agents and that sent me on auditions for that.
But when you go there, I’m assuming you’re the king of Camp.
Like not only are you like the quarterback of the football?
Well, well what happens is yeah, because I mean I’m not to toot my own horn, but I was a kid actor.
I was pretty darn good.
Uh-huh, and you’re not terrible looking are not terrible looking and I love that when you when you say it is so fun and you’re fucking hot.
Well, that’s that’s what we didn’t cover.
I should have said that our friends that I hate the way I look.
So I don’t know how to do you love how you look?
I don’t hate how he lied know.
I, when I, it’s funny because I we both direct ourselves and and we have to always have to look at the Monitor and you’re usually Thing with like, you know, Kate Hudson are now only Portman and it’s like, oh my God, its beauty and the fucking beast.
All right in.
It’s hard not to so it makes it worse, right?
When you’re in these movies with these beautiful people or just fucking on a 5-foot tall screen.
It’s not you know, right the flaws come out and I kind of read the somewhere, some famous actor was like the second.
You can let all that.
Ego should go the happier, you’ll be, but I’m 42.
I haven’t yet.
But anyway, so I and also a lot of the young boys there were already realizing they were gay.
Yeah, so that It even more Utopia because you’re going through puberty.
I was like 13 years old, you’re in this camp with all these beautiful girls and I’m, you’re 13 years old, like really going through the changes.
Yeah, and things are happening, half.
The population is gay and you’re, and I’m getting the leads in the show.
So it was a bit was like, yeah, and then, when you would return to, did you go to public?
Yeah, then I returned to public high.
School were like the lacrosse.
Kids were cool.
And I was just a dork.
It was, it was a real mindfuck.
I would really be so depressed when I came back.
Yes, I am a joke.
Side, I would really go through a depression when I came back because it was like, you’d been to Heaven.
Yes, and I’m not all the gates.
I mean, I’m joking.
I mean, obviously the girls part was one of it but was really like, here acting as cool and here performing as cool and here you don’t have to hide who you are.
Yeah, and then I’d go back and oh, I got about the public school have to act like, you know, I have to put on all these all these layers back on.
It was a mind.
I sent my mom a picture me yesterday, an old picture.
I’d found she goes.
Oh my God.
Why do you look so sad?
And I think I said I think is the day.
I was leaving.
Camp literally just texted her this yesterday because I, you know, was it was like being, it was like being yanked out of Utopia.
I don’t know if you’ve had this experience.
I’m sure you’ve met a ton of successful people in this business.
And what’s interesting to see what happens is, some male actors, is they were a nerd in high school and then they enter Show Business, and then they are brilliant at that.
And then they become a leading man.
And then they are in the world’s eyes, the quarterback of the football team, but they have no experience.
Koreans with that, it from their childhood, or their teen years or anything.
So they’re really trying on an ill-fitting jacket.
I’d own a bunch of different guys who basically women love them.
They have every option at their disposal yet.
They had none of that in their childhood.
It’s just a little confusing.
I’ve seen it kind of warp and weird ways.
Have you witnessed that at all?
Do you know I’m talking about, vaguely.
I mean, II had a lot of things.
You just said, what I’m suggesting is that you did have those windows where you were this thing that happened to you later in life for girls, obviously.
Like you and I weigh more than they should.
We’re people that are way out of our league now are somehow in our league that can be very confusing.
But if you’ve had at least this experience in childhood of going to this camp where you’re kind of the stud a little bit of that.
And also have a, I wasn’t, I wasn’t, I was nerdy and I was nerdy and into the a.v.
I mean, I literally member I remember as it mean taking pride in like I’m the one who gets to set up this projector and is motherfuckers wish but they knew how to put these reels.
Share the bulb went out.
I just I just remember thinking like they must think I look so cool.
Sending you the projectory.
Yeah, like a guy from NASA came in.
I just remember feeling like just like a badass.
So I was nerdy in that way.
I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t crushing in high school.
I’m not even saying that.
That’s what I meant.
Is, there isn’t one time.
I’m telling you an ingredient that I did.
That, that some of the examples you did that, you mentioned might not have.
And that was, I did learn to adapt by come becoming the class clown.
I learned that.
I’m not going to play.
I’m I’m going to get that cute girl, that Captain the soccer teams getting.
But I’m going to make friends and at least finds some females who are semi Anatomy by making them laugh.
And so I sort of developed being the class clown and being outrageous and beings doing stupid shit.
Yes, and did you learn to dance because I was another tactic I employed.
I didn’t you didn’t I wish I did.
I was watching this girl dance hip hop style on HipHop.
I sound so old dancing, the hip-hop sold and white.
It was like I couldn’t decide what you sounded more older white.
Hip-hop club scene.
I was watching this woman date and dance in the hip hop style and I was like, wow, I wish I could dance like that and with her because she looks so good doing it.
Yeah, I think if you married being funny and good dancing together.
Yeah, like Justin Timberlake he’s doing okay.
Yeah guys, he’s alright.
He’s a jerk.
I was fully prepared to support him as an amazing singer and Dancer when he crushed that saying live.
I was like we get it.
Yeah and not leave a little for the rest of us, right?
I know, but I just want to go back to this point because if I can Timberland, this isn’t you.
But I bet you more than seventy two percent of the country wants to date him.
That’s a damn certainty.
I’m looking at a thing on decks as wall.
It says, they asked US Weekly people has really happened.
Would you, would you date Dax?
And it’s, and there’s a picture of Dax and it looks a lot like me as you as, you know, and then questions, maybe they thought they were voting on you fucking asshole.
Would you date Dax?
And then it says, 72 percent Said No, by the way, are these women?
Did you date Ashley Olsen and Kate Hudson?
Or is that just us week?
Or you know, how to talk about that?
I did date both those people.
Coughs weakly, got someone, they were all wonderful folks, both of them.
But the thing I’ve seen that’s happened a couple times with actors.
I know ton of women love them in their success.
It’s weirdly made them a little misogynistic because it’s like, they don’t trust it.
It’s like well fuck that you only like me now you like me because I’m this, you know, I’m saying like there’s like a distrust in that.
I think you can weed that out by the time you’ve had enough experience.
Obviously, when you first get famous and you can’t believe a pretty girl likes you just because you’re famous.
Yeah, it’s very intoxicating.
But at 42, especially if you’re like, I assume are similar and that were like, we weren’t tens.
But we certainly had an appetite for that.
And so we’re doing everything we’re juggling and spinning every plate possible to get.
Well, I don’t know about you, but I was fucking girl crazy my life.
I mean, to Mandy Moore was my biggest crush, and then I, and then I dated it for two and a half years.
I mean just doesn’t exist as an example of your point.
No, no, but But here’s what happened to me on an emotional Journey.
You know, I was trying to get girls that were by my estimation better than me.
And if I could convince them to like me, then I thought I would be able to believe that I was desirable or attractive or all these things.
I thought that somehow if they liked me, I would start to maybe like me, right?
Well, that’s pretty standard.
I think for anybody.
Yes, and I’m wondering if you had this experience with Mandy War.
I had gotten to a point where I thought, It will love this person likes me.
It’s a done deal.
I really am.
And I woke up next to this person.
I’m like, I still feel like a piece of shit.
Well, I was that expression wherever you go.
There you are.
Yeah, and that’s a weird.
First of all, it’s, I guess.
I’m very grateful to have had that experience because it did teach me, wait a minute, like dated Chris, then you found Kristen did you, but Kristen, and I can say this, by the way, still thinking she’s the most Sensational person in the world, but I didn’t know who Kristen Bell was.
So, I met her at a dinner party.
She this was a girl.
I She was an actress because she had just finished some movie and she was talking about that.
But I was like she was talking about some deal.
She got at Target and she was so enthusiastic about the savings at Target and I found.
Oh, this person is very cute and interesting, right?
So it really, I will say it didn’t do anything for my ego.
At that moment.
I wasn’t like oh if I can get this girl’s famous pretty if she likes me then maybe I’m a good deal and I’d already had had the realization just before that where I’m like, okay that you gotta try another strategy for self-esteem because it’s not going.
To come from someone else.
And so you’re saying, did you have a similar feeling?
I think, of course, I had that experience.
Oh my goodness.
I can’t believe this person likes me.
And not just with Manny with other, with other women.
I dated it was like, wow, this is what’s wrong with them.
Well, that Monica, and I have talked about this a lot and now there’s a line.
And here’s my sickness.
My sickness is this person’s better than me.
I get them to like me and then instead of me feeling better, I go.
Oh, this person is more of a looser than I thought they were, because they like me, it actually D values them, instead of valuing line.
When Helen says, I would never want to be a part of any club.
That would have me as a member.
Yes, which I think is a marks.
Yeah, he’s quoting someone else’s.
Yeah, one of the Marx Brothers, I think.
But I do.
I always related to that like that, that sort of like, what the okay, you get this girl to like you and then they like you and you’re like the hell’s wrong with her.
Yeah, 100% It’s a Madness, right?
It’s crazy to realign erotic that.
The self-esteem thing is an inside job.
It’s not an outside job.
It’s not a car’s not going to give it to you a job.
An award a page.
A check, right?
They will temporarily make you feel healthier in that regard.
Since you’ve had this realization.
Oh 100%, you know, did you read Siddhartha when you were a kid?
Well, the story of Siddhartha is, you know, he’s on this journey for enlightenment.
He ends up finding it through excess, weirdly, you know, and I have found in my own life that I’ve been lucky enough to get all these things.
I thought were going to heal me and then they didn’t, and then I went.
Oh, it’s something else, right?
But had I not been given the things.
I would still be on the endless pursuit of it.
I feel the same way.
I mean, I can I can report that my times in life, when I’m completely down, have not gone away from having enormous success.
And yeah, and luck in certainly, right?
If you tell, if you go back in time and you find Zach at 20 years old, you went to Northwestern, right?
And you go.
Hey, guess what, dude, you’re going to be making this much money and be on this network and blah blah blah.
I’m certain that the 20-year old.
Zach would be like, oh well, then I’m going to be the happiest guy on earth.
Right, right, right, which would be awesome.
If that’s all work, it’s all relative to, you know, wherever you go, there you are.
And so that brain and and the things you worry about and obsess about in an erotic about are always with you and where you, where you are and how much money you have and yeah, you know, I’ve met miserable billionaires.
I’m sure you have.
Oh, yeah, there was as you know, you listen to stern.
I know you’re a faster but you ever hear Mike tight.
He’s my favorite Mike Tyson, anytime he’s uncertain but I have but I remember what it’s turns obsessed with the fact that he lost 500 million.
I was like, you know, how do you even go to sleep at night?
And he goes how would I have friends at the billionaire that killed himself?
I have something.
Money can’t buy and I’m like, I believe him.
Yeah, and what a fucking healthy play.
Still living in this town.
You met a lot of very, very, very successful.
Oh, wow, and that, and by the way, that’s been another thing.
I feel grateful about is I’ve met some of my heroes and I’ve seen that the success didn’t help in that capacity, you know?
That they didn’t like themselves more.
They weren’t necessarily happier.
I met some of the richest people in the world.
Sultan of Brunei who could not be more successful at what they do, who are, who are more miserable.
So do you think that your mother gave you some tools?
I had to learn all this in a.
A if I hadn’t become a drug addict.
I wouldn’t have picked up any other stuff.
You were sober and I know you didn’t and I mean, a drinking Joe.
I’m sorry, still angry about.
I’m flattered jokes.
I’m very Pro many years.
You been drinking 13 years.
I mean, it seems better.
I feel like that’s a good thing.
Don’t you feel so much more productive.
I do, you know that I can tell you the singular goal.
I had after a few.
Sobriety I said to myself, I want to figure out how to be 12 year old Dax, who was just a so excited to walk outside in do something.
Like I wanted to recapture my enthusiasm for being unplanned or that I didn’t need to put something in me to get that enthusiasm.
And for years.
I was pessimistic.
I was not gonna get that back and I will say around seven or eight years.
I found myself like fuck.
What are we doing?
We’re going to go off-roading.
We’re going to like, I’m pretty on fire to be on planet Earth, which was something I had lost for many, many years.
And that part’s really exciting.
I’m reading this amazing book about habits and breaking habits and has a whole section on AA.
And I was learning so much about it that I didn’t know they sort of before, its time.
Figured out how to break habits.
It’s like 1950.
I think is around when it when it started, they’re going on.
Yeah, nothing there.
The vented it out of thin air.
There’s no, there’s nothing scientific about.
I know that was so interesting that they the whole chapter in this book.
About analyzing what’s amazing about what works about it, and this sort of science.
Hind changing your habits, which I which I which I found really fascinating.
Are there specific habits that you’re attempting to change?
I mean, I think you can came secret but if there’s some other some private but there’s one, I would say is I’d like to be more productive.
I get really inspired by people not necessarily in our business, but just by talking to just super smart successful, people in all several different Industries and met some really fascinating tech people recently.
And I just feel like I could, I could be so much more productive and not Not be what I think is lazy.
Well what, what is your motivator because you are an, I are both writers and writing is the worst thing.
Someone can do it is it’s very hard.
In fact, it’s funny because Bill Lawrence.
Who’s one of the reasons.
I have a career who created scrubs and is one of my best friends.
He hates writing.
Yeah, and he’s like, he’s like, this guy is like one of the most successful TV show Runners.
There is, and he’s like this, this nothing worse than having to write and there’s nothing better than having written.
Houston quote, Lawrence Kasdan is writers are people who have agreed to do homework for the rest of their lives.
So I feel that way about all my God.
I’m gonna I gotta remember that because always nagging right?
It’s always in the back of your mind.
Well, I thought just like I should be writing and I have things that I want to write.
This is one of the habits.
I want to change.
I know people that write every day and I have never been that person.
I mean even Garden State was in, was in pieces all over my house for a long time and in sort of various stages.
And then I got scrubs and I quit my waiting tables job and then they told me, oh by the way, we’re not going to start shooting for four months or maybe or maybe was I we shot the pilot and there’s gonna be a four-month window before we found out if we were going or we’re starting.
Anyway, the point is, I had four months read, nothing to do and I went, this is assigned, you are such a fucking idiot.
If you don’t sit down at your at your dining room table, you’re gonna have your first big break and if you don’t have that screenplay ready, you better fucking sit down in the dining room table and put together and was like this the sort of berating myself.
That finally made me sit down.
Dining room table and put it all together.
Yeah, for me.
It’s that way.
Every time you just it’s it’s very very hard to get my ass in the chair.
I remember it’s great.
Memory of my mom.
I was I knew I was so proud of of the script I’d written and I remember reading scenes from garden.
Say to my mom, like, almost like a kid being like, Mom.
Look at my art project.
Yeah, and I just remember this just as great pride at myself, like, look what I made.
I named him and no one Finance to get.
It was just like, look what I did.
Look, it’s 120.
And I was just so behold.
The thing there was this feeling of just process such Pride.
So, you know, it doesn’t happen often.
But if someone does ask me advice about writing my big trick is, I give myself permission to write something terrible.
That to me is the big hurdle because the, the the daunting this of having to sit down and write a great scene, is that it’s very daunting.
But if I go, all you got to do is sit down and type out for Pages, they can be shitty.
You’re allowed to just go ahead, write something shitty.
I like that inevitably.
It’s not a, it’s not DPL rewrite it and it’ll become something good.
But it’s for me.
It’s just going.
You’re allowed to be bad.
Just go be bad.
I think that’s all.
That’s part of the problem is, is that when it has on occasion, worked your now comparing.
Sure to that.
Yeah, my well, this this isn’t going to be that pilot.
You sold this isn’t going to be that movie that people liked.
Yeah, this is shit so far.
Yeah, but I really relate and I wonder if you have a similar desire, which is I have almost only been productive out of a place.
Of fear, so either I’m terrified.
I’ll end up penniless.
I won’t work again.
I’m telling myself.
I’m a lazy piece of shit.
I’m a coward.
I would, I would love to be able to write from a place of love and happiness, and excitement to create.
And I just, that’s not where I work from.
No, and she still discipline.
I think, when I talk about habits and changing habits, just just finding what I would like to get in the spirit of like I’m having this response to Zach.
Why don’t you go write for an hour?
Like I would love to change what’s happening in that chain.
That’s making me go find brain going find anything else.
Jerk off for me is usually high on that lurk.
Let’s just get this jerk-off out of.
Let’s get me a wink.
Once I jerk off.
I’ll be able to write.
I’ll clear my head, but I was so good.
Now to go back to your mother, but you’re gonna, yeah.
Yeah, that was natural are good.
You are good at this.
So I had to go to a but I’m wondering or I like to believe that you might have left.
The House was some tools that an average person doesn’t get having had a mother whose I think all.
And also my my stepmother was a, or is a therapist.
My stepfather was a psychologist.
I had it all around me.
And lots of self-help stuff.
Not just, not just traditional psychology.
Lots of self-help books.
Lots of self-help courses, and what are some of the things that you used or continue to use?
I took a client.
Had me take a class called the for the landmark for Oh, yeah.
Yeah, our good friend.
Jess went to all of them and he’s pretty much downloaded all of it to us.
And I love it.
I got a lot out of it.
People are like, oh that sounds culty.
But for me, it wasn’t at all.
It was like a worksheet was a through was a three-day Workshop.
My stepmother was super into it used to be asked back in the day.
Yeah sort of like that which is a little more intense and I mericans you might have seen it on the American I didn’t.
They do ask the American baby idea.
Well, this is sort of a 2018 version while course I was doing it years ago, and I there’s tools I got in that Workshop that I think of All the time.
And I recommend that to people actually because I definitely got more out of it than I had that I had in the equivalent amount of therapy sessions.
Yeah, it will because it’s very, it is my understanding of it.
By way of Jesse’s that it is very action-oriented.
It is very pragmatic, you know, the deals with a lot of stuff with the voice in your head, right.
And the racket.
Yeah, that and I think anyone could benefit from some apparatus, some lever to manage the voices in our heads.
And, yes, and I was very practical and also I’d seen it Work on my, my stepmother had gotten our family into it.
So I’d seen it sort of helped my dad.
I’d seen it help other people.
And I did it when I was fresh out of college and it really was a good set of tools for me and other things, you know, she they were always giving my books and and saying, and just even quotes and and just things to try to help motivate me.
And a lot of it, you know, is what put a fire under my ass and got me to, to accomplish the things I’ve accomplished.
Was it hard to get into Northwestern.
That’s a phenomenal school.
Did you ever?
My grades I didn’t I didn’t, I mean, I had good grades.
I didn’t crush the SATs and I thought that I did, okay, but I thought that that would prevent me from getting him, but one thing that’s cool about Northwestern.
One of those good schools that will look at the whole thing.
Aha, because I cannot even get considered by like, brown or Yale unless you have a high enough score, but Northwestern at least in 1993 prided themselves on saying look we was your extracurricular.
Do come have an interview.
Let me read your essays.
Let me look at everything.
Let me look at the whole package.
I went and interviewed and I had really interesting extra curricular activities because I was doing a lot of different things.
I was on a I was on the rescue squad.
I was, I was in a Woody Allen movie.
I had done a bunch of outside the box stuff.
So since you entered College having already worked, did you kind of just proceed with?
I’ll continue like I just to give you an example.
I find that this huge difference between Chris and I my Panic level about number working versus hers.
Is she’s always work.
She worked in.
Egan where we’re both from is like a 15 year old, you know, then she had to drop out of college to be in a Broadway play.
So her only experience with pursuing, this is, you know, success.
Even if it wasn’t gigantic.
It was a steady little stream of success.
So, do you think having had some success back in New Jersey?
You didn’t approach us with a ton of fear.
I always approached with fira, wasn’t cocky about it.
But I but I went into Kyle put it this way when I was cast in Manhattan murder mystery and, you know, I was raised on Woody Allen in Annie Hall and as any Hall was sort of like, you know, religion in my family.
Is it fair to say?
He’s the Jewish Michael Jordan.
Well, not right now.
He’s but then in 1993, but as a child, he was, you know, he and Mel Brooks and Neil Simon.
We’re godheads in my family, Jewish Jewish New York Comedians, and we would go see all their plays and we go see all their movies and my very first role is these are my scene Partners in my first movie role, Diane Keaton, Woody Allen and Anjelica Huston knots and I’m in one scene in Manhattan, murder mystery, but so I got that part and that was 18, it was like well, are you going to stay in New York and ran use this and ride this?
Yeah, as it would be, you know, it’s pretty dope thing to use and I said no, I really wanted to film someone make movies.
So I had to sort of confidence to go.
No, I’m not going to do that.
I want to go to school.
I want to, I want to get better.
I want to learn how to act.
I want to learn filmmaking.
So I sort of stopped right after my biggest break and went to school to learn.
That’s a unique decision.
I don’t think I could have make made that decision.
Don’t have been like, oh, yeah, let’s not.
Yeah, devil has this it’s a fork.
The road where an agent might say you just got, you know, you just played Woody Allen, Diane Keaton son.
You’re going to leave town.
Yeah, I was like, yeah.
What am I was?
I was wide-eyed.
I was like, how am I gonna make movies and Was northwestern?
Just heaven was in the most.
Wonderful question was great.
Yeah, I really liked.
It was cold.
It was too cold for me.
Not to sound like a cranky Jew but I don’t like cold weather and you know that I took the tour in the spring big mistake.
Gorgeous God Evanston in the spring.
If you want to go to a beautiful place, go to Lake, Michigan.
Yes, and then you know, yeah, and it’s amazing.
I mean, that’s no belt, you know, I grew up in it and then and then I got there at my dad dropped me off.
And he took me to Eddie Bauer and they said, you know, these coats are rated to - 65.
Why would anyone need a code related to - 65?
Yeah, it’s the fucking window.
It was horrible.
I mean, no, at the school.
I had a great time, and I did jewelry made amazing friends.
And I fell in love for the first time and I made a lot of student films.
And I was it was Heaven.
I was in, I was, I had a Had an acting teacher that changed my life and what was your summer camp experience, but it lasted for years.
I would imagine.
Yes, except more straight boys to compete with our bomber.
Yeah, the rain.
They were like, there’s athletes and stuff.
Well, not well.
Yeah, I didn’t see them at Northwestern.
Yeah, there was only so they have like, a good rowing team.
Surely had a handsome.
Yeah, that’s super strap deltoid.
They do those things with a crew group, like yogurt in the Facebook movie.
Yeah, Rob Lowe.
Yes, I fucking love it.
He’s had sex with his friends mother.
What’s that movie?
Love that movie.
That really hit home from catching up to maybe one of you guys can Google.
It Monica fact checks the whole episode and we do it live.
So everything you say that’s erroneous.
We will expose you and mostly it’s just me.
So she’ll go back to the office and go down the wrong.
Yeah, just go you guys talk.
What’s the call Fox forever?
That was what my sister.
A Loves movies and those 80s movies and she would have VH.
She would have all her VHS.
Labeled and they were, you know, all the gold standard, Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, you know pretty and pink everything I use on the pantheon, you know, but Oxford Blues was in the rotation.
I always saw Rob Lowe rowing and banging.
That might, they’ll be mixing up the story line between that and what it was in a movie called class.
And that’s where he had sex with.
Oh, you’re right in the elevator.
Can you look in fact check that run?
What movie does Rob Lowe bang.
Someone’s Mom in an elevator?
Yeah, which, at my age.
I was like this.
Is a great fantasy.
Do you remember seeing the first movie?
We were like, I should not be watching this and I’m feeling things in my loins for the first time.
I can tell you two things, one.
My grandfather took me to 10 when it came out and I was five.
He also took me to Scarface when I was like 6 and they cut a guy up in the fucking shower with a chains on.
I was like, oh my goodness humans, behave this way, like the world got so scary for me.
But the thing that I will say that, as funny as his, my dad had one poor now, Insatiable and my brother who is five years older than me, he would watch it regularly when my dad was out of the house and I would come downstairs.
And I would see this porno at like 10 years old and it looks like a homicide tonight.
It was so scary and weird.
It look like that.
They were killing somebody and that’s my argument for like you don’t have to worry too much about kids.
Like when they come online, they come online until they do.
It’s just the grossest weirdest thing.
I remember a babysitter taking us to see Revenge of the Nerds.
And she was a Teufel babysitter.
Of course, I always think of this story.
No, no really what I think she was really beautiful period but also I the time thought she was a month before going to run.
So we go to see Rena standards and that scene where he has sex in the fun house with Betty wearing them the the Darth Vader mask.
Yeah, and they’re saying like we’ve got ma for something like that, right?
He says something like all those jocks think about a sports but all us nerds think about is sex or something like that their secret weapon.
Because he has this.
Darth Vader mask on.
I think her name was Betty.
She didn’t know that.
She thought she was having sex with her handsome jock again today, that movie comes out.
All right, dude, they were mentioning the other day.
How wrong Revenge of the Nerds?
Has they put it?
He’s hidden cameras, in the sorority house, and they’re all sitting around all day.
Watching the sorority girls shower.
I mean, we have ma for we have Beaver, whatever the fuck they say.
I think it’s time for a re-examination of Revenge of the Nerds and just the notion.
Yeah, that they tricked the girl who thought she was fucking The Jock, and then we’re all like, yeah, you did it.
She deserves it.
Here’s the best parts.
So, I felt horny horny.
I really, let’s call it.
What it was.
It’s one of the first times in my life.
I was like, oh my God, what are these feelings?
Yeah, and in all frogs and purposes, in my intense verbs, in my mind.
I was on a date.
Sure, of course, you with this beautiful, blonde babysitter.
So, we go into like a Rite Aid or CVS next.
Movie theater after the movie and I remember thinking I need to find something in the store that will impress her.
This is what I want.
That’s your manly.
Exactly like a razor or something.
Ugly head to the hardware.
I’ll oh, and I remember I’ll never forget as long as I live.
There was a battery.
It was like, I was like, not I know exactly what you’re talking.
It wasn’t used to sell them a lot.
They were like Lantern batteries, right?
Brings on the top.
Smaller than a car battery are everywhere.
Yeah, so I see that in my brain.
I have no idea what it was course not and I can she comes because what he’s doing in the Harbour line.
We have to go.
What are you doing?
I go see this.
And this is all because I think this is going to make her go, you know what age restrictions be gone.
I am an.
This is a man.
I’m with absolutely.
I think this is.
He - I’m young boy.
I’m taking the cheese thinking.
I’m not attracted to this little boy yet.
But if but if you were into something manly, yes, like let’s say a lantern battery, exactly be needed to illuminate an area.
I honestly, remember even tried to make my voice a little lower.
I went to see this.
This is what I want for my birthday.
You couldn’t even buy in the moment and you’re both trying to be manly and asking for a present for your birthday.
So like, but in my mind she was thinking, like fuck, this guy has manly absolutely wonderful.
God knows what he’ll hook either, don’t have ever told that story to anyone.
So you’re there you go.
I’m president’s close.
Yeah, my very first sexual thought or feeling was I walked to school in elementary school and I would pass this very big rock that was at the corner of two roads every day.
And I had a dream where I got my first boner and in my dream, I just was walking by that rock and I had this boner and I didn’t know what to do with it.
And I just I grinded myself up against this Rock, The Rock.
I humped a rock.
Yeah, and I woke up with this nagging boner and I just was like a so, Used by the whole thing because probably I was humping my mattress.
I’m guessing while I was asleep.
So I woke up with some strange feelings down there and then I would walk by that rock in real life.
That I had a second shot and I would just try to channel the feeling I had in the dream, but I couldn’t, it was just a rock in real life, but I would stare at it.
Like, why aren’t I arrived?
I don’t think getting that.
I thought you were saying that you were like, shy around the rock.
I brought the rock flower, another funny, masturbation story, I was a kid actor, and I was up for a born on the fourth of July.
Now the Tom Cruise now at the in the movie 14 July.
If you recall, you follow young Tom Cruise through several areas of his childhood before.
He’s Tom Cruise.
And I don’t know what age, they switched the real Tom Cruise, but let’s say a teen years.
I’m sure whatever there was a masturbation period of his life and where Tom’s character figured out exactly what we’re saying.
Where he’s humping everything.
He’s humping two trees, humping a basketball, and I got calm experts.
I did this in front of Oliver Stone.
Oh my God, I have an act like I was When you’re a child, I was a child holding the Mastery from Oliver Stone.
And I’m going of all people to.
I remember going, I’m in the lines like, oh God.
I’m so because he is very religious.
He’s like, I’m so sorry, but it just feels so good and he was like asking God for forgiveness while he was masturbating and and humping a tree, you’re still off book and so impressed.
If you’re a director hiring, I just want to know how long I can hold on to the line.
But you know, when I’m now looking at you, my first thought was like you playing young Tom Cruise does.
But then I don’t know you guys have almost the same nose, right?
Well, I didn’t have this nose at the time.
This came later.
Okay, if you look at me at, like 12, I had a little button nose.
Yeah, I mean, my dad is Eastern European Jewish, but my mom was Protestant, so that’s why I have blue eyes and but it but a larger knows I’m saying it is word.
Shiksas, shiksa goddess, Jessa.
She was a shiksa shiksa goddess.
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, I didn’t get this nose till 9:00.
Yeah, didn’t when you piss when I came in I was I tell Monica this all the time.
If I said I’m growing, if I could relive any year in my life over and over again.
It would be 7th grade.
There was one year where I was like, I’m killing it.
I look fire rate and then all of a sudden all but no son.
You’re like, why is that still growing?
Yeah, we’re good.
We got enough knows.
Hey brain, we’re good with nose.
Yeah, we should compare caricatures, that have been drawn of us over the years.
Well, I, whether the exact same, how we compare in high school like 9th grade, I was so, In gangly and weird-looking in ninth grade.
It was a very rough stretch.
But anyways, you leave Northwestern.
Yeah, you, you get a degree in what they’ll make.
It was a Bachelor of Arts in radio, television and film.
Okay, and you made a student film.
I was mm.
Yeah, I did.
Is it good?
Or is it bad?
I think it’s pretty good.
It’s pretentious as there are.
As all good student film should be yeah.
If you’re a student film and it’s not pretentious you’re doing something wrong.
I was really able to forgive yourself for that kind of thing.
I winced a lot of old stuff.
I’ve done, but I was obsessed with Jean-Pierre Janae at the time, his most famous movies Amelie.
He made a movie when I was in college called Delicatessen.
And yes, I’ve seen that that’s a great intensity of lost children.
And there was like these Mo.
Yeah, they’re like, it’s like Terry.
It’s a French Terry Gilliam.
Yes, I learned.
He was in film school.
So when I look my look back at my student film, I go.
This looks like a student filmmaker who’s obsessed with Jean Piaget and is trying to make his own city of Lost Children delicatessens, but I think it’s pretty decent.
I got a guy, I applied and got a grant.
To make it and I’m empty is that you studied that because I did anthropology and then I had some electives to burn before graduation where I was like I could take anything I wanted and I took some film history classes at UCLA and they have a Nitro projector and all of a sudden watching Casablanca, Nitro print and all this and I’m going holy fuck I could have done this for four years.
What was it?
Like I didn’t have the balls to try, you know, to just go mow.
My degree is going to be warped, mind you and throw degree is worthless as well.
But yeah, I just had a hard time.
I’m going like.
Oh, I’ll wait.
So, how did you get wearing your life?
Did you get punked?
I think it.
Punk toes like 28 years old.
Oh, this is when you were, I was here for 10 years auditioning for tampon commercials.
But did you get any?
Why were you in a tampon commercial?
And seem to be worried about, you’re the boyfriend, the boyfriend is like, honey.
You’re the newly?
All over the living room.
No, I think this It’s always the boyfriends always, I guess you’re not pregnant.
Always putting a backpack on and he’s like, honey.
We’re late for the canoe trip.
Like he’s always in citing, some supervisor interest.
It’s always water base, honey.
We’re gonna go swimming in the, in the, in the clear blue water.
I probably only audition for one or two of those, but I like to say that that in diarrhea medicine, those were the work.
My specialties is going in on those.
But yeah, an interim I have gone to UCLA and went to the Groundlings and did all that stuff.
Yeah, so you come out Here immediately after Northwestern I came out here immediately.
After Northwest know, I went to New York.
Okay, I went to New York and then I got, I got cast in a production of Macbeth with Alec Baldwin and Angela Bassett and you have a horseshoe up your ass.
What are you talking about?
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
You just went back to New York and you got cast with all those people.
Well, I was getting I don’t care if you’re the most brilliant actor a lot besides continue are I was going to continue bragging about the cast Liev.
Okay, Michael City Hall.
Do you say?
Burger or Shriver.
Liam Shriver Liev.
Is it in Ferber?
It sounds weird spur.
Okay, double check.
What can you school that place?
Oh, yeah, be shy.
Well, no, I just know the guy.
So it’d be weird if I’m pronouncing of the embarrassed name forever.
Yeah, who else so Michael City Hall?
Yeah, decks Dexter.
We have Alec Baldwin, Angela.
It Abe Lincoln know there was somebody else who George Washington.
Who’s Albert Einstein.
See wolf who you might not know but is it a mega a theater?
Director directed it?
And this was my they I gots the first part.
I got ya.
How can you not say that?
That’s a horseshoe, up your ass?
That’s in fucking credible.
It was incredible.
I mean, you’re a good actor, but that’s, that’s knots kind of.
I’ll tell you, one thing.
I can, I had a great Shakespearean acting teacher at Northwestern and so I came out Some sharp sword.
I just really liked it and embraced it and I’m, you know, it’s like, it’s like Dead Poets Society.
When you have that teacher, that just opens your eyes.
You’re like, oh my God, I get some Eureka, I get it.
Yeah, and he did that for me with Shakespeare.
So when I came out and wasn’t dropped it in New York and auditioning for things when they needed the young, the young looking Ted Cruz, the young Tom Cruise, who was gonna beat off on the tree.
I was kind of, I was kind of like a sprinting out of the gate out of college.
So I mean, I don’t know why I’m trying to rationalize my own.
On great part.
I got I don’t know.
Well, I’m just you’re causing me to rationalize.
I got a good role.
I don’t know.
Well, I’m just saying it’s a very fortunate.
It was it was.
I was it was a it was a big deal.
I prayed for it.
I like I I would walk by the public theater on Lafayette in New York and like, give the building energy is like, doing anything.
I could to get to get it to will it?
You got that.
And you did that play.
I did that play.
It was, it was the other thing.
I was really cool about.
It was all those people and was only enough 300-seat theater at the public, and that was really a great.
Because there was some great actors in it and and Liev in particular, is one of the greatest American Theater actors.
There is so watching him was education is also a bowl, which I like about him how.
So he’s a beast of a man.
He’s a strong fucking Eastern European descent.
He’s a badass.
He’s such a good actor.
And if you ever get a chance, if you’re listening to this, we’re recording, right?
No, we’re going to hit record in about 10.
If you ever get a chance to warm when you so pissed, if he was like fine.
Is that all the time again?
Anyway, he’s great to see him theater and I learned a lot from him.
That was my first job as out of school.
Then I got an indie, Greg berlanti cast me in an indie movie about gay boys.
Okay, and you were one of the Gabe.
I was one of the gay boys, Tim Olyphant and I love him too.
Loved him all fuck.
Got with boys, always implied that I had gay sex on ketamine.
Hmm, Special K.
Special cat tranquilizer.
It’s a great ride a horse.
Do You Wanna Wake up sick?
Hours later, not know what happened.
I can’t recommend it.
If you like Amnesia, you’re gonna fucking love, special cat.
Well, my character in the peace that Jesus, anyone actors say my piece, the piece, I’m particular, or you know what?
I hate it, when actors go.
When the actors talk about their character in the third person, you know what I mean?
Like, well, she’s a very faked person that doesn’t exist.
You can zap, you know about them?
Let me tell you about Jerry.
He’s so funny because at first, you think, oh, this is gorgeous.
They’re describing himself.
I got to, I just got to love him.
Like they talk about a third person.
I guess there’s something.
I just and then once I found him, I just got to love him.
Yeah, you have to love the characters your mind.
So yeah, when I played Jeffrey Dahmer, I had to find a way to love.
Don’t you hate like when you see, when you have to do those junkets and you have to talk for, for today’s nauseam.
Two days straight and you can never watch it back because the things you said an hour 48, you’re like, oh my God.
I sound like such a douche.
Well, my big issue with it is I feel so fraudulent after I answered the exact same question, the exact same way for the fifth time, but I am selling it.
As if it’s the first time I go, you are such a fraud itself, a gonna see this and you put a giggle in like, oh, there’s a funny.
I just told 11 other people so you get out to you.
You have a little theater stand.
I don’t mean to belittle it by using the word little but you have a good very, very successful rides.
I got a little Broadway.
Yeah, and then what makes people go to California.
A girl, okay?
Always a girl.
It’s always a girl, not my case.
But yeah, I went to Sundance with this Greg berlanti movie called The Broken Hearts Club.
And there I met a girl that I was just I was Head Over Heels.
I was like love at first sight.
I was infatuated with her.
This is Bonnie know this body was.
Mine was the next girlfriend ninth girlfriend.
No, she would Bond.
Even my first girlfriend post this girl.
Okay, and she was here.
I was there.
I had no money.
My parents loan me?
Five thousand dollars to buy a car.
And I came out here and bought a nice on you.
Used Nissan 240SX.
Oh, that’s a good pick.
It was perfect.
Yeah, it’s not nerdy.
It’s very dependable.
I would highly recommend that car rear wheel drive very strange configuration and it was stick.
Yeah, which I love driving EXO.
Give you a little more, get up and go with that small and it would really was a great car.
Yeah, I I really approve of that know.
I’ve never had a computer.
I know you’re very you’re very Auto knowledgeable.
Yes, and I like that, you can appreciate the Nissan 240SX.
I sound like I’m doing an ad for it, but You have to find one that was a the Vintage.
I know they’ll sponsor us.
Oh, I would loan Nissan 240SX.
That’s all you a smart car.
That hasn’t been made in 20 years.
It was a great car.
Yeah, and then they made not that you care.
But then I made a model based on that only available in Japan, which was The High Line, something right.
Doesn’t matter is a big drifting car, you know your shit.
So I moved out here is waiting tables at a place called La.
Colonia was a French Vietnamese restaurant on the corner of Robertson and Beverly but since now the like is store, okay, you know.
At like, uh, store is on Beverly.
Well, never go.
If your west of Western.
Well if you’re in Hollywood and you see a like a store, well, actually it’s probably the only like a store in Hollywood.
That’s what West Hollywood, that that’s what it was.
A beautiful restaurant very fancy.
It’s inspired thickly.
What’s in the beginning?
Well, you you wove that well, like a good host.
It is exactly the beginning of Garden State, and that was my experience there and tie even more beautifully together.
The American gay man, who is yelling at me as my manager is the famous theater director, George Seawolf that I asked to do a cameo.
Oh, that’s nice because you really have to wear makeup while, you know, and I didn’t, and I didn’t wear an earpiece, but we did wear beige tunics.
And I did get yelled at.
And they would say, if you’re late again, and they would hold up head shots because it was something bizarre that happens in Hollywood, is people come and they try and get a waiting tables job and they’re actors, obviously.
And they want to they want to show off that.
I’m cute, you know, so they’ll they drop off their head, shot with their resume.
A to try and get the job.
And so the manager always had this stack of headshots and she would say stuff like if you’re late again, this guy from his release Minnesota is getting a job.
Who knows, gymnastic, right?
Yeah, Special students, who knows the conversational.
So, how long, how long before, arriving, in La before you get scrubs, had you done other Pilots?
Not since I have addition for so many things and got nothing and I was kind of thinking about like, you know, I was I was really I was second-guessing the move out here the girl when I broke up.
And, and I was waiting tables.
I was in that movie, the movie that Greg berlanti made with the, with the, with the boys, broken hearts club was out at the sunset.
Five people would come to the restaurant after the movie and I’d wait on them.
That’s not human.
And they’d say, we just saw your movie and I’d say, oh, thank you know, you were great.
Thank you so much.
Let me tell you about our specials.
We have a seared albacore.
It was so awkward.
And I would have other experiences where I would like going like talk to a manager and be like, oh my gosh movie at Sundance and it so much going on and then and then at that, At night, they’d come in and I’d be like waiting on them and and like, neither one of us would say anything.
It’s good to have a look, a Melody like that.
And so, I did that.
I don’t know.
Like, probably like a like a year.
Okay, and then you got scrubs.
Yeah, so you’re young when you get scrubbed, right?
How old are you?
24 or something?
If you had given me Dax Shepard scrubs at 24.
Yeah, it would have not been a great thing for me.
I mean, partying was, we’ll just the attention, the approval.
My ego, the money, it would have all been very dangerous for me.
How did you manage at 24 being the face?
On the billboard around town?
I think it was definitely shocking.
Did he get away from you at all?
There’s plenty of there’s people at the time.
Well, not not early on, but I think when when Gardens didn’t Garden State head, that’s a one-two punch.
I had a one-two punch in the ego.
Got, I’m sure there’s people around that time.
That would say I was drunk on the Kool-Aid.
Listen as how can a human not get, drunk on the Kool-Aid.
Hey at the well, we’ve all seen people really drunk the Kool-Aid and I’m older and wiser now but yeah a twenty five six ish after the one-two punch of those two.
I’m sure I was because as your mind now it’s to see.
Here’s what would happen to me.
I would that would happen.
I’m crushing and TV then I’d foray into films.
That’s a darling critical.
Everyone loves it.
My-my, the projecting part of my brain won’t go.
I’m going to be directing Godfather in a couple of years.
I mean, I would just think it’s got to just this this this trajectory.
Three has to continue.
Yeah, and the only place next is something fucking enormous.
Well that or down a bomb.
Did you even think that though at the time I hadn’t had a bomb yet.
So I didn’t know what it felt like but again a human just Gathering data.
Right in the dad, are your Gathering now.
The deck can be a little misleading.
Yeah, the data I was gathering what?
And also by the way, both were preceded by a zillion nose.
So every I’ve been auditioning.
So I was 13 and I hadn’t really gotten anything.
I got a little things as I mentioned, but scrubs was like the, you know, giant NBC head.
Yeah, then everyone in town past our movie.
Everyone said hell, no, hell.
And then then we make it and it goes to Sundance and becomes this mini phenomenon.
Yeah, and so it was a little extra even more.
So because I was like, I have you ever been to KI was Vindicated.
It might expect a very dangerous.
Any of us.
Yes, I think that’s what happened to M Night, Shyamalan.
That’s my armchair opinion on.
What do you mean?
Well, I imagine that.
He as all directors do they fight a lot of battles to get the movie made.
They want to get made and when it turns out to be 6 cents, You no longer have to listen to anyone.
And that’s not a great place for any of us to be.
That’s very wise.
I think, I think I quickly did.
I know that experience for long because then I made a movie, I was so proud of and it didn’t do well, and it will won the last kiss.
Oh, but you didn’t direct that movie?
Did, you know, a lot of things I did, but I didn’t I didn’t think that it doesn’t have the signature ZB.
Well, Tony V.
Tony Goldwyn directed.
I did do some writing a Paul Haggis is an Italian adaptation.
To the objection before he was Paul Haggis and Tony Goldwyn directed.
I did the soundtrack and I was the lead and I really believed in it and it was my first bit of humble big-ass piece of humble pie.
Yeah, that’s um, it’s a unique experience.
I’ve had it several times.
So tell me what ya walk me through.
Let me through the pain.
Walk me through.
This is a Saturday morning because you know, by Saturday morning you go and you convince yourself in that moment that everyone in the world is aware of your failure.
At least I do I had done so much in the movie too because this was At the beginning of who is your co-star in that the most famous well-known names are were Casey Affleck and Jacinda, Barrett, and Rachel Bilson.
Yes, it was.
So it was you and Rachel and as a love story between you two and Blythe Danner was in it and and Tom Winston, Churchill, Abraham, Lincoln Tom Wilkinson.
Sorry, Enrique firm.
Schreiber was a big but it’s a love story between you and well it was at.
Here’s the thing.
It was It was one of the most popular movies in and Italian Cinema history.
It was a really honest talk about lust and infidelity and the Italians could handle it.
Yeah, Americans don’t like they did Elena not like very puritanical.
You find out.
Well, what we are is or at least will be were at the time last kiss came out, was they mind and In fairness, they marketed as, like a romantic comedy, but it was a pretty raw.
Look at male lust and envy my child.
My character cheated on a pregnant, his pregnant girlfriend with Rachel Bilson.
Okay, because People don’t like women.
Don’t like that.
No, it’s fine.
It was in our just like the Italian version.
It was fine to fucking hate the character you’re in.
But in more of an Italian way, they were able to hate their protagonist at the time and an American audience was like, thank you for the giant fight.
I got in with a mic with my girlfriend on the way home.
Fucking a yeah.
You just wasn’t Garden today. 50 bucks to fight.
This wasn’t a love story where you walk off with Natalie Portman.
This was like a greedy horrible.
Ation on lost an infidelity.
Thanks a lot.
Yeah, but but but you hadn’t written it and you hadn’t directed it.
So is any part of you at least at that moment, your ego still salvageable, I imagine because you’re going.
So acting-wise maybe I can’t open that movie.
But when I do my thing, when I write it, wrecked it, I bet I’m still in the saddle, right?
The problem was not a problem.
But well, the conundrum was that I was on Scrubs, so I don’t really have time to be writing and directing mother.
One thing I’m really curious about movies is that Garden State was so successful in so many ways.
Yeah, my assumption on the outside was that you were had to been given the Keys of the Kingdom at that point, were believe it or not.
I’m sure you can relate to this.
They were all the exact same movie.
They were all like, if you want to make a movie about a guy who comes home for a funeral.
Uh, I lived.
I really remember one having a plane crash in it was like, literally like a movie.
Yeah, and it’s because I was, I was contracted to be on the show and the show was really doing well.
Yeah, so I did.
A lot like 24 episodes a year or something need 20 tuition.
And, and for nine years, right?
Where is Garden, State and had been locked and loaded and ready to go like like set up one year shot, then Hiatus released that you know it all been strategically done.
We’re starting from scratch and sitting something off the ground.
I could never, I suppose I could have, I could never find my footing with and could you feeling that I’ll try to adapt something?
I had this adaptation, I did.
I was working on and I had plenty that I was trying to get set up.
I would get them set up.
I, you know, I once had this movie that was an adaptation of a Danish film.
And I one point had Sean Penn and Michelle Williams, and it was all Jesus.
It was all happening.
And then, of course, like somebody meets do it all fell apart.
And so it was.
And could you feel the clock ticking?
Like, man, the further I get away from hard and stay the are less easy.
This is going to get, of course, because in this town, there isn’t much interest in what you did two years ago.
No, that’s true.
That’s absolutely true.
So, I He’s aware of that.
But but thank God.
And I was lucky enough to be on this popular show.
Yeah, so I mean, Holly is I sound like I was a years.
I like I was safety.
Net was pretty goddamn.
Oh, yeah, and I love the show.
I mean, I wasn’t trying to escape the show.
I love the show, but I was a little bit mind-fucked and and kind of Tangled in knots about how to make another movie that I’d written.
And did you have, did you have any fear of like, you know, it’s like a band that makes a great first album, of course, they’ve been writing that album their whole life and then they have a year to The next one, of course.
Well, that’s kind of what I do with my life.
I finally did make myself more effort was wish I was here and you know, I felt I felt it was totally a sophomore album kind of thing.
And in that you’re trying to in a very different era, make something that has a lot of what people liked about, what was weren’t, active tissue, connective tissue, but also say, hey, it’s this many years later.
I’m going to make some exciting.
I’m older movie.
The Audience is what audiences like is different.
I would like.
And I’d like to bring in more people to this fold and I just try to do it.
Dance of, of all of that and I think tripped on myself.
Yeah, so I have to imagine there’s a ton of comfort like chips did poorly financially but I can walk away going.
I did make the movie.
I was dying to see you and that really helps a way that helps the blow.
So did you walk away from from Wish?
I Was Here.
I, well, I was, I was very, I was really bummed about it because it did not do well, but, and I and, and critics did not like it.
But I and I This, I can understand some of the critique of it, but I definitely felt like you just said about chips, like I feel if I had nothing to do with that.
I would love it.
That’s all you can do.
And the greatest thing ever happened.
We can I tell you?
Yeah, Larry David came up to me.
And a restaurant and I know.
Oh my God, he’s headed towards me.
My boy and I he’s a hero of mine.
Sure, especially when it comes to the commies replaced for us.
The other guy.
It was - yeah.
And he goes and I got no.
There’s no inkling.
In my brain.
That thinks he’s Gonna Know Who I Am, of course, not.
And he starts to talk to me and he says, how’s your wife Kristen Bell, if you wish you wrote that, come on and I go yeah.
With my brother Adam I did.
He goes really you wrote that.
Hmm, and it was like the nicest thing that came.
Yeah, and then he smiles like that was a good movie and he’s smiling.
I was like, I was like, you know, what?
No one saw the movie Larry, David liked it and I feel, okay.
That is silly as it is.
Things like that can help and of all things he was complimenting.
The writing of it.
He wasn’t saying like anything other than like you were good in the movie.
Were it was like saying this this one of my favorite writers was saying with shock.
You wrote that.
Yeah, you wanna hear my one that goes like that.
So might yeah, let’s bring to each other.
Let’s plug each other since we liked each other’s work.
I my all-time biggest crush in life is Brad.
Pitt me to fucking love him.
It’s I could go on for hours about it.
Kristen I go to the Academy Awards, few years ago.
And I’m walking back to the seed.
I’ve gone PP and as I passed Kristen, she starts pulling really chaotically on my leg and she goes, he’s talking to you.
He’s talking to you, and I go.
Because I, my back is to the, the rose further down from us, I go, what you Brad Pitt is talking to you, I turn around.
Brad Pitt is standing up in his row and he goes, we loved your movie and I go.
Because, in that moment.
I sincerely forgot that I’ve made.
Run, I forget, I’ve made a movie.
He goes, we love, and he makes the heart sign your movie.
And I have never been more elated by something, and then I sit down in my seat and you were getting like a school.
Girl, you’re gonna love the punch line of this.
The second, I sit down the show resumes and it’s the in memory in my, how do you say that?
Were clorium in memoriam?
And you got it.
I’m smiling ear to ear to the point where christening was honey, honey.
They might cut to us.
It I’m a fucking can push your face, though.
I’m like, going through is too good to be true.
I’m thinking he might be talking about Garden State.
I mean, who knows what?
I just can’t believe it.
And then, as we’re leaving, we leave early.
And I just spend on him and I just can’t tell you how much I complement means to me.
He goes ice, buddy.
We fucking laughed.
Our asses off at some a movie and I was just, yeah.
No matter what had happened was after that.
I was like, this is a big big win in my life.
I’ve loved him too.
By the way and in the spirit of things we have in common, I feel like he’s I know, he it’s weird to say is underrated because he’s not underrated by anyone, but I think that he’s so talented.
He really is and you can’t, I like seventh one of my favorites.
Oh my God, he calls her dingleberry.
I just love your own recalls Gwyneth Paltrow a dingleberry.
But I remember just like, how amazing their that scene with Morgan Freeman at their dinner table.
And yeah, that’s when he called.
Yeah, that’s the moment and he’s super embarrassed that the L trains going by and its really close to.
Yeah, and it’s just such an I mean in the movies.
Is so many good things in it, but that bird that scene was just, he was just so natural and great.
I’m a man and he allowed himself to play really embarrassing, because he’s really eager.
And he goes, no.
No, this guy’s probably don’t fucking jerking off in his grandma’s Underpants and he’s such a dork.
Like you lets himself be such a dork in that.
Anyways any so hot and so fucking hot.
I can’t stand.
Yeah, I would I literally am sincerely.
I literally had a fight, a picture of him in Fight Club on my gym wall Ms. Inspiration.
Yeah, that actually made me.
Leave the gym.
Well, that’s unobtainable.
I think I’ll just it’s been a running joke with my, with my, in my in my my trainer.
Like I’m just like I point to his abs in Fight Club and he’s like, dude, you’re gonna have to really change your life if you want to.
But like that’s a lot of work like public.
I do like half that.
So my last Garden State question is.
So one thing I was always jealous and resentful about you was that you were taking the Dax Shepard role.
There was no chance for me to work because they already had one in scrubs.
And then the only thing, He that ever equaled.
My love for Brad.
Pitt is my love for Natalie Portman.
And I had a photo of her on my toolbox.
I, you just my thought, my heart would fucking tear open.
Yeah, I mean, I’m sure and me too.
And then you got her in your movie.
And I just remember thinking this guy must’ve hated me.
I was like, he’s with my girlfriend.
I felt the same way about her.
Yeah, it’s just walk me through and did you.
I would have gone into that with just thinking if this movie doesn’t rap with me.
In her, I have failed.
Well, she was attaining, gaël garnell, geodesy 18, fucking Burt Reynolds.
I want nothing would have convinced me, that anything short of dating, her would have been a failure.
I honestly, of course, I had such a crush on her my whole life.
I’m I saw a dude that Diary of Anne Frank on Broadway and during the curtain call eyes.
I swear that we made eye contact and I was like, oh, that’s it.
We’re in love now.
That’s like getting horny and Schindler’s List like the Seinfeld episode feel right?
And for sorry.
I wasn’t a horny for Anne Frank.
I was, I was, she was her acting was so amazing and she’s so beautiful.
And then, I mean, probably didn’t make eye contact, but we, but she looked at me and I had my mind, and I was like, oh, that’s it.
I never been told now that story, but I always, I never thought that she would say.
Yes, when you’re having those casting meanings.
You say, it was always like someone like Natalie Portman.
It was like, you know, you always get when your director, you always giving archetypes to to producers and casting directors and someone in the spirit of Natalie Portman.
Now, you know, you sort of like, doing kind of like a Natalie Kind of like a armed guard.
I was you’re going to you’re going to laugh at this but I was doing Shakespeare in the delacorte theater in New York City on a Hiatus from Scrubs.
Not predict with Liev, Schreiber production of Twelfth Night with a lot of cool people.
And actually, interestingly enough total side note with a guy who is my scene partner in so many of my scenes was Sterling K Brown.
Oh wow, and then he had to drop out of the play because he broke his leg and David Harbor. /.
Oh my God, took his part.
He’s my favorite and I, so that was that moment and then my whole career I’ve thought, where is Sterling came around.
That guy is so talented and and I remember him even broke his leg in that production of Twelfth Night and man, someone why is no one hiring strong around.
Boost it, he figured it out.
No, he broke his leg on stage.
No eating, bring it onstage.
Oh, that’s like not jumping from the balcony of the shooting line.
Now, he didn’t shoot Lincoln a couple of stuff.
Okay, sorry, so my encouraging It is because the cream Rises to the crop.
If you’re as good as Sterling came round, it may take some time and it might be frustrating as fucking hell, but if your Sterling K Brown, good, you’re going to work and you’re going to and you mean you might not be as successful as drilling Campground is currently, but you’re going to work.
Well, similarly I was I came up through the whole Groundlings with Melissa McCarthy.
She never heard of a good buddies.
We had a terrible comedy troupe that no one came to see our shows.
And then she gets Gilmore Girls and she’s just kind of like the fourth lead.
She’s not doing the things she can do, and I’m God, this is a weird blessing and a curse because she’s good and she’s getting a paycheck but got no one, even knows and then it happens and it’s like oh thank fucking God if she had gone unwitnessed that would have been tragic.
So Natalie Portman, we love someone tells me or I realized that Natalie was at the same theater the delacorte theater, which is Shakespeare in the park you’re doing.
I believe it was the seagull and and it literally you been in these same dressing rooms, and I thought this is my in so I sat in the dressing room on it because when it Rains and taking the park the shows off.
So you’re like roofers.
You got the day off.
So it’s raining and we are some sitting my dressing room going.
I’m guessing the shows off.
This is the time to write my nanny letter.
So I write her a very heartfelt letter saying, I’m sitting in, what was your dressing room at the delacorte theater in the middle of Central Park?
And I wrote the script and I know this biggest long shot in the world, but please read it.
I would love nothing more than for you to consider.
I get it to her and how do you get it to him, you know, get it to the right agent.
I’m not had an At the time I was I was with I was with you haven’t you got to woo her agent, right?
Because a lot of people are writing her letters, right?
But I think we were the same age and see and you know, I was on Scrubs already.
So I think that people were taking my calls.
Still she’s like, you know, yes, she’s not really at that point to she’s like his yeah.
Sweet spot of her career, right?
Yeah, but I also kind of got a sense that she was looking to do something totally opposite than Star Wars.
Right to ya office, that, I mean, to offset all that.
So then that’s over.
I’m back in LA and they said now he wants to meet you for lunch.
So I met her at.
What was that place?
Armies Arby’s, Natalie wants to meet the target.
Best story ever told, he wants to meet you at Arby’s in a back in the back booth and see if she’ll be having a roast beef, a double roast beef, beef and cheddar with extra Horsey.
Sauce there, any Arby’s left there is there’s one on.
Today up on Sunset.
I have a next to the Home Depot.
Have an obsession with RVs when you bring it up a lot.
And I’d spit on Jon Stewart used to do a whole thing about our be so he did.
Yeah, I think he hated RBI challenge Chuck Norris to a fight at Arby’s on a talk show on time.
Just like into camera while I was shooting something.
Whatever, doesn’t matter.
So do you want to meet you and where are you?
What’s the name of that restaurant across from the ivy?
I think it’s gone now, but it was a it was a health food restaurant.
No, I news newsroom.
Yeah, Natalie wants to I think she’s a health food.
Not that sounds like her.
Yeah, that’s yeah, that’s Newsroom.
My Newsroom on Robertson.
Yeah, and we had a great conversation.
We hit it off.
She couldn’t have been sweeter and we just clicked.
And I said, look, we don’t have any Frills.
We’re going to make this movie in 25 days.
I know you’re used to fancier stuff.
We’re not going to have too much fancy stuff.
But if you’re down to do this, I think you’d be amazing and she was driving cross-country with a friend, to go to Harvard.
So she left and she got in the car.
And I’m so sexy.
By the way drive across country to go to Harvard.
You just decided like at the height.
If I can go to Harvard, what’s more amazing than your?
Yeah, you’re beautiful movie star and you’re like, you know what?
Let’s take some time off.
And go to Harvey.
I’m also smart as fuck.
So I need to also nurture that I got a water that plant.
So she said yes, so so what?
So then I said, oh my goodness.
She’s driving cross-country might have to wait so long to hear if she says yes or no.
And like within like a couple hours, her agent said she loved the meeting.
She’s in awesome.
So that was really cool.
And then, during the filmmaking process.
Do you fall in love with her?
Well first, I mean your typical person isn’t there was a cool story sarsgaard.
We had to like we had no time for rehearsal and she was at Harvard.
So I called Peter sarsgaard.
And I said do you want to go up too hard with me because now he can’t really leave Harvard.
So, why don’t mean you got the harbor romantic.
It’s like a Mike Nichols moving.
It is in there was there were some of those rowers early there.
So you go to Harvard was like those rowers.
And the river, rip backs and Natalie, Natalie Natalie, Peter sarsgaard, and I went to went out and partying at Harvard.
Aha how fun and there they don’t have fraternities, but they have like these Society clubs or something social network social.
Yeah like The Social Network.
So we I remember we all in bone.
Remember we were out drinking at those things and then we hung out in her apartment and read through the movie like sitting on the floor with buzzes with hangovers.
Oh, hangovers the police, I hang around with they did but and there’s, there’s no point at during the process of making.
We were like, I’m pretty sure she’s falling in love with me because that would be, no, no, never want to be honest.
I I know you want a different answers this but I really was, I couldn’t believe I was so you’re super, professional sounds like of course, but also, I was so in shock that she said, yes.
Yeah, that I was so professional.
And so grateful and like holding my heart.
Every time I talk to her, like I couldn’t, she was there.
Yeah, and she was so cool and 0 Diva, anything and we were you know, we had no money.
We made the move it to an a half million dollars.
The idea of like on today’s the day I make my move was not on my radar and look I’m not.
Condoning that you hit on someone that you’re directing.
I’m only wondering, are you guys having fun and clicking to the point where you start thinking?
Oh, I think she might be in love with.
I knew she was dating.
A guy L.
What is it guy?
Alan Garcia Garcia at the time.
I’m not scared and he visited set.
So what’s bringing on Garcia?
He’s very handsome.
Yeah, if you’re into him, you’re not aware.
You’re not in our look.
I don’t know.
How many will I can have a conversation with that, where I can say, you’re not in our look.
If you’re into him, there’s been numerous times while you’re telling stories and specially.
If you look up, Up to the corner of your eye like this.
A remember something?
I get is my favorite scrubs.
Go to a fantasy look like this.
It’s really good.
It’s your eyes for me.
You’re getting lost in your own eyes.
What I am getting is, I think I’m looking at myself, occasionally.
Have you gotten it all with me?
I’ve got a I’m Rock Bar.
Don’t get me wrong.
It’s your autoerotic.
That was my last question.
No, but I have a couple times got lost.
When I see your eyes.
I’ve seen my own.
Does that happen to you at all while we’ve been talking, it’s trippy.
Yeah, but you have a really evil blond beard which I could never grow.
So I listen, I’m trying to be respectful of your time and there’s only two more things.
I really want to talk to you about.
Our, you do edit these down or is America getting out of that whole thing, but people listen to two hours God Blossom Blossom.
Yeah, it’s again, like, just like I say, you got.
You can only make a movie, you want to see, I like podcasts that are two hours.
Only make the one I want, and I feel like you and I could talk for days died.
This is gone very well.
The, I literally I have more things.
I want to ask you, but I’m gonna I’m gonna I’m gonna this is like Reddit AMA, ask me anything.
I want to tell people and I pray that they’re familiar with this reference and they’re probably not, not everyone’s seen it, but there’s a, there’s a moment and Shaun of the Dead, which is just in a spectacular movie.
You would agree.
It said, go.
Yeah, where you’ve been with this group of characters.
There’s four or five of them, you know, them very well and they’re they’re escaping.
The zombie apocalypse, and then they come across the group that is identical to themselves.
You remember that moment.
They’re like running in its exact every archetype as them, right?
So about 10 years ago.
I’m in a A restaurant in New York City and I’m with Malin Akerman and a couple other people.
It’s like boy girl boy, girl boy, girl, and this restaurant, the way it’s laid out is there’s Busan one side of the wall, and then there’s moose on the other side, and then there’s a walkway in between.
So it’s a mirror image of the Boost, right?
I’m sitting in the middle of the booth with my arms out a waiter passes and as the waiter clears frame, I lock eyes with you.
You’re in this same.
Act boost across from me with Bill Lawrence.
The gender dispersement is identical.
You’re in the middle.
Like, I’m in the middle and I want to say that maybe is the first time we actually, met face-to-face.
I had just had a meeting with Bill Lawrence about doing Fletch.
So I knew bill, but I didn’t really know you, but we were sitting in Mirror.
Do you remember this?
It was damn, I could tell, was it.
That was like a downstairs.
You went downstairs into the place.
I dive vaguely.
It was that moment in Shaun of the Dead where I was like, oh, Horse, this is the first time I’ve ever seen this guy, of course, he’s eating with the exact same.
I’m meeting with and, of course, we’re sitting the exact same in an, in an opposing booths.
It was about as surreal as it gets and then I said hi to Bill and then that was really that, that’s funny.
I wish you would remember that.
My last question is I because I’ve never been able to answer this for people, and I do get asked this pretty regularly because I was on the first season of Punk’d people seem to think, I know everything that happened on Punk after I left, which I don’t, but I get It asked all the time.
Did Zach Braff punch somebody on Punk’d?
Yeah, you know, I get asked that a lot.
I’m course, you know how to do it if you get asked that a lot yet because I it’s, I would start with.
Did you punch somebody?
No II tried to.
Okay, I’d like that’s honest.
I think it’s approaching honesty.
Well, there’s two categories of people.
Okay, there’s people when you just got a brand-new car and you’ve learned that a teenager has Tagged and ruined the brand new car.
In this case.
It was the car that was on a poster in your wall when you were a kid.
Yeah, a Porsche 911 for S.
Uh-huh, and there’s people that would go fuck you, man.
And there’s the second of people it was a go fucking man and then try and punch the person.
I’m in that latter category.
Yeah, so I tried to but I, but I was, I was just, I was screaming, I was so I’m seeing red.
I was seeing red and I was held back.
Who are you held back by Donald Faison.
I went on a talk show and sort of exaggerated the store because he on Punk’d you know, they like to use 18 year olds.
That looked young.
Yes, and I told him exaggerated funny version of this story.
So then it became a bit of a meme like Zach Braff.
Punched a kid on Punk’d.
Okay, but if you Google it, he was an 18, year-old.
I never landed a punch on him.
I was just wanted to kill him.
Well great that Clears things up and I feel like I can relay that now to people who ask me, which again and happens more often than you would think it does that.
They ask you because we look alike and now just the punk thing.
Oh cause you worked on because I was on Punk’d.
No I live.
They legit convinced me that they had ruined my brand new car and I was like, got me mad.
Yeah, and then this age, you probably would go this fucking blows.
I have insurance.
I don’t want to lose my money by punching somebody, right?
Right, but I wouldn’t you No, you’re 28, then as well.
I’ve never, I’ve never had anything luxurious in my life.
But I had this brand-new Porsche.
I was so proud of it.
Literally was the picture on my wall and I was a kid.
Yeah, and what are your trappings?
What is that?
We are suckers.
You had a fucking sweet.
I don’t want to put you on blast.
But you have a perfect color to really good selection.
I like cars.
Yeah, it’s great.
Do you have more than one car?
I had a, I did have a 911 for us for a for Long time, I just got rid of it.
Okay, so you’re just down to the our am just telling the art and if you have to go I’m not a collector like you right?
I want all the cars.
You could never end.
I live, I’ll be driving a new car home and I’ll be thinking of another car.
I will Madison sickness.
Imagine your card been tagged by an 18 year old.
Yeah, you would freak out even though I would have, yeah, it would have gone very bad.
It would have, it would have not been good.
So yeah, I’m not the least bit judgmental of your Reaction.
Well, no, I don’t I don’t think I should have acted like that but I still went.
I still went.
I’ll sign the contract and Kutcher contract.
I was like, all right, look like an asshole.
That was nice.
I like that about you.
Well, I mean, there’s plenty people that as you know, that didn’t sign Gap is can’t because they felt they’d look like an idiot and I definitely went.
I look like a douche, but you know what?
I deserve to look like a dude.
I am logged that I really do.
Yeah, it would probably be hard for me to sign that.
Is good for people to be called out when their own, they’ve been a douche and I, he got me.
They got me good.
So I was like, all right, fucking Ashton.
Here you go, the signature, everyone this round, you won this round Ashton.
You should just tagged his car, you know it.
But I knew if I realize, I realized a little bit towards the end of it, that it was fake.
That the punk thing was fake.
Because they were, they were acting weird.
They were, they, they were getting a little too crazy with their performance.
Yes, and so then I had to serve a Eureka moment and I reached down the car and with my thumb.
I just just went like that on the, on the fake, on the paint and it came off like, it was like, that’s tough teenagers.
Put on their cars at prom.
Yes, and I went, oh, and then I went.
Okay, there’s two routes here.
There’s there’s call this whole thing off as broun their whole production.
But, but as a director, I was like, oh my God, they’ve spent so much money.
Yes, and, and they’ve hired these actors and they there’s a lot of choreography.
This is it was an elaborate production.
Yes, and I remember having that thought and then I went.
All right, and you just yelled at these teenagers.
See it look like such a douche.
Yeah, and then oh, wow.
This is a very peculiar situation to find yourself.
So, what are you doing to my conscience for production?
Exact was like, don’t blow their fucking budget by being like Ashton, fuck you and give fingers to the fucking vans that you now.
And, you know, start noticing.
Oh, there’s a lot of mirrors around.
The second you have, the The moment he hates.
It’s like those scenes in the movies.
It’s like, Keyser Soze being like, you know, like, oh, yeah, insert insert.
So I saw the Vans and I saw all these people that were not act and Abel’s in the ground was the most well-lit fucking parking lot in Hollywood.
And I was like, we’re Donald go because Donald disappear, another funny story about Punk that that never gets told is that, you know, they shot a whole thing.
When we’re in liquor store.
We walk in and Donald is the accomplice, right?
So, he walked And the first thing we see is a giant rack of porn magazines.
And I go to Donald like I know I like pointed some girl.
I oh my God, look at this groaning man, you know, I don’t look at that Ah-Ha and I’m like you since when do you not?
Look at that guy with 26 kids?
What do you tell me?
Haha talking about.
So then I’m eyebrow cutter.
Frodo’s like the fuck’s going on and then he goes because we were there to get beer because we’re playing In poker, we do have poker night at his house, were there to get beer.
He walked kind of strutting around the liquor store.
Should we get some Crystal?
Oh, I don’t like Cristal.
I’m gonna drink since, when do you drink Cristal?
Don’t drink Cristal?
Yeah, so he’s like, you know, I love Crystal.
I like, why are you strutting like spreading through the aisles?
Yeah, like like you kind of like I was ridiculous.
He told me code.
Switched on you little bit.
Yeah, he didn’t he didn’t handle it, right?
And then when we get out there and and and and I’m fucking screaming at these kids, he disappears.
So then I was that’s what?
And that’s when I was another clue when I was doing.
He would have bet you guys are very good friends.
He’s my best friend.
He why, by the way, I said 27 kids.
I just want to clear up.
I think that he is one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met him a bunch of time.
Literally has his says, you can make it.
But anyway, so that was another close like well, where did, where did he go?
Where did Donald go?
Why would Donald the left?
Pop that Kristoff, huh?
And burn all those porno mags burning the porno mag.
So no one could appreciate them.
And then pouring Crystal on the fire.
Well, listen Zach, as I was about to say, I do set it all.
We were busy.
Yes, you’ve said it all.
We I do think we are positioned to dislike one another.
I don’t think I never felt that.
Oh, you’re saying that we’re position to position 2 because we look alike and people are constantly saying we look alike.
They could easily lead to like well, no, I don’t fuck that guy was talking about Zack Ryder going blonder.
I’m growing it out.
I can’t do anything.
What am I gonna do?
Say that we could get some high and low light but you could look more like that that picture with the well, I’m also fucking 31 in that picture. 43 nouns, but it should be going gray soon enough though.
Yours hasn’t gone.
I got a couple streaks.
Do you find the after you direct a movie?
You have more Gray’s, it’s so great.
You just said that because after chips crisps and I went to go look at a house.
We look at this house.
We get back in the car.
The sunroof happened to be open.
I glanced in the rearview mirror to go in reverse and I go oh my fucking God.
I didn’t have a single gray hair and all of a sudden I had about 100 gray hairs in the top of my head.
It really Fucking ate.
That’s something that happened.
I mean, it’s funny.
If you look at Obama like two months after the inauguration.
He’s at full gray, but I it’s like they showed him the secret shit and he went like gray overnight, but I feel noticeably after I’ve directed three movies now and after each one, I my beard is gotten now.
It’s almost all gray.
I didn’t notice anything after the second, but after each Suitor after chips, I was yeah, fulgor stressful ages you, it really does.
And it’s not the stress of shooting for me.
It’s like when you then get back into that editing room, it’s time to make something out of That’s Where It’s At.
For me, it’s the stress of everything, like, try not disappoint everyone, and and everything that the burden of all this money that you have on your shoulders, this huge crew, you have on your shoulders Studio, you don’t want to let down the fans.
You want to let down?
It’s like I just go gray and there’s only one person to point to I know and there’s no one else’s fault.
Oh poor us.
No, I’m not saying that at all.
I’m just saying.
It’s we’re blessed to be able to do it but fuck it’s a lot of pressure and every aspiring filmmaker out there.
I’m sure knows that it’s all on your shoulders.
Yeah you Get all the glory and then you take, you get all the glory and you get all that when it’s when it bombs.
It’s all your fault.
I’d be bratty, right?
I’d come home.
And I’d be like lamenting about whether or not they shorten my post period or whatever thing I was going to lamenting about and then I would say out loud like yeah, it’s the job everyone wants.
So of course, it’s fucking hard.
Like, yeah, it wouldn’t be the job.
Everyone wanted if it was.
No, it’s an amazing job, but it is it is definitely the most stressful.
It’s the greatest most wonderful job I could ever dream of Doing and it definitely is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done in my life.
So before you go, just tell us the name of your show.
Ties into my new show because my show is about a podcast in.
Did you have to become that?
You like, brush up on podcast, is really know more about it than I use my podcast voice.
Oh, it’s great.
This is how I talk like my are you doing a Dax Shepard?
This is my Dax Shepard.
I’m sure expert voice.
Say it again.
What’s the name?
It’s called, Alex ink, Alex.
Thank it’s on ABC, on Wednesday, the 28th.
And Arch of March and Wednesday is going forward after the Goldbergs at 8:30.
That’s a good lead in, it’s very good.
Yeah, and it’s about it’s a true story of a guy who had a very popular podcast called startup Alex blumberg and he documented he wanted to start a business and he knew nothing about starting a business.
So he documented like a reality show his whole life of leaving his job with his wife and kids and starting this business in his company became very successful became gimlet media, which is a podcast.
Yeah, we know gimlin so His story, We optioned the rights to, to season one of startup and turned it into a show about a family and starting a business.
Did you direct the pilot?
Yeah, you did.
I drink it for the 10, we made 10 of them and I directed for the 10.
Yeah, and did you love it?
I love it.
Yeah, it’s so it’s so what I love most doing, I realize is, you know, I had one scrubs over.
I had to take a break because I was totally burnt out.
And then I loved so much of what I’ve done.
But well, the thing I get the most pleasure out of is like, Going and half hour, comedy.
Riffing working with great writers, doing it in an insane five days schedule.
Where you just cranking it out so fast, I like and and you’re deliriously, you’re making up.
We’re even weirder shit on set.
I think it’s really funny and really quick.
Do you do cross shoot at single cam.
We don’t we cross you when we’re at a time and sometimes with the kids we do that but I do.
I try and II feel like the lighting and the cinematography and the style will always be better if I have the time to shoot it did.
You ever see Parenthood?
No, you should watch an episode.
I’m sorry that it’s entirely cross shot and three camera and it looks amazing.
So some DPS that do it and then your life is he was handheld.
Yeah, and I see, that’s the thing.
We’re not here a while.
Well, we do, you know Ali, well, the cameras, a character, you know, I mean, obviously, we’ve been held as a character to but we’re not doing that sort of, it’s a fake documentary, right?
There’s some Middle Ground Zach between.
I don’t even, I don’t mean to say that all you paranoid.
People don’t send me hate mail.
I hear, it’s amazing.
What you just said?
Invigorated my mobile.
I love the handheld documentary-style.
But when you can sways your cross you, when you’re doing that style, obviously.
Yes, by the way, because I haven’t watched the show, but no, it is loved by many.
It was inspired by the movie, right?
I loved the movie.
Did you ever see Friday Night Lights.
Do you like that show?
I never saw anything.
Oh, my God.
Are you missing the boat?
Like, I’m not offended.
You didn’t watch Parenthood, but I’m very finish.
You haven’t been trying?
So I should watch Friday Night Lights.
Yeah, that shows.
Unbelievable, and that’s Jason katims who also bended Parenthood, but the movie was the jumping off point, the movie was and Berg Berg did both the move.
No, I mean, apparently.
Yes for the wrong parents.
Have been very young.
Yeah, Ron Howard directed Parenthood, who directed The Pilot for Parenthood.
Oh, no, Stan Sam.
Yeah, he’s fancy.
Yeah, he’s the greatest what a name right?
I’ve been watching The Ron Howard Master Class.
Oh, I’ve been wanting to check that out as a grain.
I’ve never watched a master class before nor by but I saw it when I saw Ron Howard who I’m been a fan of her many years did when I thought it could be interesting.
Yeah, and you can always continue to learn from from, from great Masters.
Like, I’m doing an ad for magic that she’s actually get money from them.
So, check out the Ron.
Howard masterclass, getting your 240Z XD widely used for voice over work.
I used to a bunch Albin Irene commercials.
You’re on Samsung commercials.
Well, I was yeah, I’ve always wanted one of those voiceover campaigns, big-time the audition for them.
Never got them.
My problem is I live with someone who’s one of the best in the entire.
Our world at voiceover.
So by comparison.
I feel completely inept and terrible at it.
But you have a good voice.
I’ve got a break on a bunch of them, you have?
I want your campaign.
Remember the Cottonelle toilet paper puppy.
It was you early.
That was you.
I was really cute.
Golden retriever puppy.
It’s the best secret source of income in the world.
And that also G member pure water filters.
Hey, do it for me.
Hey, it’s me water.
That’s what you would say.
And I’d be like, this piano, man.
I didn’t connect it to you, which is weird.
It’s me, water.
And then I the Cottonelle.
Puppy was like, no disrespect you, but I feel like anyone could have done that.
Would you agree?
Because you just go.
Hey, it’s me.
You got kind of a cute thing upper register.
All, I was also known.
I was also, you know, turns out I couldn’t.
I was making the copy work.
Okay, you sure.
And then I was like, Cottonelle, toilet paper puppy, who was her.
Being soft has its advantages and disadvantages.
Oh, so you did a full carat weight.
I do character voices to I was Chicken Little.
Oh, that’s right.
You never asked me.
My work on is chicken little while.
You know what I know about Chicken Little, is it fucking eviscerated.
My movies of Thera.
We came out for days after Chicken, Little.
Oh, this Chicken Little movie is not going to be big.
This is a great day when she can little was a juggernaut.
Well that wasn’t my fault.
I didn’t direct that.
I would yeah, The Voice still Like, you don’t blame.
Don’t blame it on me deck.
Separate the best movies ever in it.
Tanked largely because of you.
Got Jon Favreau on that.
Interesting tract and it really did.
Yeah, - Josh.
I can ask you.
How, did Jon Favreau?
But maybe we’ve seen made.
Oh, yeah, one of his best movies that I don’t know.
If anyone’s has seen besides hardcore, Jon Favreau fans, very few.
People saw it, but I’ll tell you the really fascinating thing about made.
I find is that the first time I saw it, I hated it because I hated Vinson.
Because in this is the power of story.
He was so frequently foiling.
They were trying to do that.
I couldn’t enjoy it.
Like I wanted them to succeed but he was favreau’s character are not fabric.
Vince Vaughn’s character in.
It is such a bumbling idiot, right?
That I’m afraid that he’s going to fuck up.
I saw I’m like, I don’t think I like it, watched it again on an airplane.
Now, I know everything turns out, right?
And I’m like, oh my God, that’s Vince.
Vaughn’s best role of all time and I loved it and it’s so crazy how something can turn.
Once you know, everything’s going to be okay.
I loved it because he for me was trying to thread the needle and do something so hard, which was matched the magic of swingers.
But make a different movie.
Mmm, and I was like, what?
The same to League?
And both playing the same sort of foil for each other.
And I’m like, how that’s impossible.
Like and I then I am, but I went oh my God, he did it.
I love this movie and its own way.
Anyway, I always wanted to ask John even though I only know him as an acquaintance.
How he then went from made to the thorough.
No, he went to Al.
Oh, elf, that’s the job.
Is the Breakthrough because nothing makes $187 zero expectations.
Will Ferrell hadn’t had a huge hit yet.
And it’s a Will Ferrell vehicle.
So, they don’t really care who directs it.
So, you know, it’s a great thing to hop onto and then he makes it’s much better than it should have been, right?
And then he could make any movie want it, then he made Zathura and then I think he demonstrated he could do things with a fax.
Everything was practical and that got him into Marvel world.
Yeah, and he’s did.
You see fucking Jungle Book.
Yeah, it’s amazing.
It’s really cool.
I actually went that would u 1 s about a movie like that, like, I couldn’t do it.
I did attention span.
Because every year during the one conversation, one of the only conversation of inhabit them.
He said I was at this fancy director dinner with with with with him and Sam Raimi and and sand and Damien chazelle.
It was just really, really was a birthday party for something.
We’re all sitting around the table talking and it was before he was while he’s making the movie and he said, basically the movies been made and now for a year I will approve effect shots.
Mmm, and I thought that is so interesting and cool.
I don’t know if and I’m and you fucking a.
Are you good at it?
I don’t know if I could do that.
Well, and also he makes the movie four times.
So there’s a line sketch version of the movie, right?
And there’s a previous version of the movie.
Then there’s a more detailed version and then they go and shoot the movie with the actors.
So he does make it three or four times, right?
Again that level of interest in something I think.
I think is beyond me for that duration.
I hear you.
And also, I would think that what the cool thing about that is by the time.
And obviously, this is what Disney does.
So, well is, by the time, by the time that movie comes out, it better be good.
Oh, because yes, spend $19 on it.
But also you’ve made it a bunch of times.
And yes, headed.
Because I, when I was in Chicken Little, I remember, we would, they would do.
They were line-drawing versions of the movie.
Then why are your make, my doing the voice and they for years?
Yeah, and then they rear, I mean, I know this is longer than Jungle Book but for an a like, a 3D animated movie.
Then they would rewrite the movie as we were, as we were, as we were as they were animating it.
Yeah, so the work on it for for you to writing it for years.
Whereas where we write a script and we’re like, all right, let’s make it or not.
And that’s what it is.
Well, I directed Scooby-Doo for a year that animated movie and it wasn’t for me.
It’s the process is so slow.
You can’t really For Me.
Maybe other people have certainly Fabric and do it.
You know, there’s so many layers between you and the product that, you know, the illustrator.
Are such a unique thing and they’re your actors basically and learning how to talk to them.
And yeah, it’s yeah, it was, it was I loved the opportunity but at the end of it, I was like, this is not what I’m good at.
I excel best when I get there and we find out we don’t have our location.
I don’t like, how do I, how do I salvaged?
And I’m a great on the day, Salvage person.
Anywho, you’ve said it all.
We’ve said it all ha.
Thank you for having me.
This was a lot of fun.
As long as they have therapy session.
I feel like that’s the goal.
I’m a little concerned because I do have to pee and there’s no door on the toilet.
Yeah, we don’t need one.
What’s going to happen while I was everyone going to hang out while I pee?
I feel like a nice lovely woman.
Should probably be not not bad.
Not only am I going to stay?
You’re going to listen to you.
Want to know if my stream is as good as yours.
Yeah, and I’m gonna try to then build a mental picture of your penis based on how thick and ropey.
I think your urine stream Rosie.
There’s no one wants to hear the term row gauge.
How about that?
The gauge I’ll try to deter Mike.
Also go in the yard, if you’d prefer I have a porta potty in the yard.
I don’t want to use the porta potty.
Well, we’re gonna step out.
You can use the toilet.
Thank you so much for coming.
You’re a wonderful guy.
Everybody stay tuned.
If you’d like to hear my good friend and producer, Monica Patman point out many errors in the podcast.
You just heard Monica, are you prepared this e banging on your computer ways, prepare and Reckless, abandon your you’re very hard on that thing.
I get angry.
I have to let my aggression out somewhere.
Yeah, is it fair to say that you have a little brat streak?
You want me to say that?
Well, I do.
I sure do my parents would say so yes, whenever Monica troubles home for an extended period of time and she comes back and I asked her for kind of a progress report.
There’s always a couple dark spots.
The week, right?
Kind of go to your bedroom and stuff.
All right, when I get too intimate, Christmas has some bedtime time for variety.
You kind of hit out for a minute and your room.
Yeah, like a teenager and I put my ear up against the door to hear whatever and was talking about.
I wish there was a job.
That was the best part of the whole story is that you’re you’re mad at them, but you were eavesdropping and what they’re saying about you.
I wasn’t going to go down there and talk like an adult.
I’m a kid there.
All right, you ready?
So you said Frozen made a billion for Frozen made one point two seven, six billion dollars off by 130 million dollars, which is a lot.
It’s more than a lot of movies.
Make more than any movie.
I’ve been on in maybe even believe it one point two seven six billion dollars.
I don’t even think of and that’s nothing, that’s nothing.
Just dwarf that theatrical number.
That’s where it’s at guys.
Thinking about making a movie, think about the toys in the outfits and the merch.
Yeah, that’s what we got to do, matters, the area.
We’re going to start selling.
Let’s quickly just pitch that idea.
So we’ve some people have expressed some interest in armchair expert mugs.
Rob came up with it on his own.
He’s got a great aesthetic, beautiful.
And what robbed Dude, that was weird.
Is that ours?
Are there virtually left-handed mugs?
Because you got to hold it in your left hand for the for the artwork to be see you.
Yes, which works for me because I’m left-handed, but we decided if we do order, mugs, will order them in the correct setup.
Yeah, most people are right-handed and then you had the brilliant idea.
Go ahead, hit him.
We’re going to sell the left-handed mugs.
We have about 10.
Mmm, and these are worth a lot because these are the bugs that we use here in the In the Attic, uh-huh, the ones that live by the toilet.
And hit him with the price.
They’re going to cost a little extra.
Because they’re special.
So give or take two thousand dollars a mug.
This is great.
And the theory behind this is which was really well articulated by I think our friend Troy, I guess Hooters used to offer like a bottle of Dom Perignon young and some wings or something, for some exorbitant price and then it was kind of a talking point.
So we Added.
Maybe this no one will ever buy one for 2000 but we’ll just advertise them for 2,000 just as something fun to talk about.
Like, can you believe those assholes at armchair expert?
Get 2 Grand for a mug?
And you know what?
Someone’s gonna buy it.
I hope some.
And we’re going to do something special for these mugs even extra special, our DNA will be honest.
Yeah, we’re going to use them.
Ha ha ha.
And then you’ll have a little piece of us with you.
Well, you can really put a price on that.
Well, you could potentially clone Us in the near future.
You said Gardens?
A and without a paddle came out within the same summer and they did come out with me.
Oh good, July and August 2004, the Annie Hall.
I would never want to be part of any club.
That would have me as a member Groucho.
Marx, said that great.
What I say the singer Richard Marx, you just said one of the Marx Brothers.
Yeah, it’s Groucho and he’s good for a quote or to the exact quote is I don’t want to belong to any club.
That would accept me as a member.
Well different than the Annie.
You said 72 percent of women would want a date.
Action to help.
All right, I couldn’t really do anything.
I could really do any research but I think you’re right.
Yeah, and I actually think that’s low-balling probably that’s got to be in high 80s of single 90s 90s for.
Okay, although he’s starting age himself out a little bit.
Certainly like still very relevant.
Yeah, but An 18 year old wants to date a 40 year old man.
Yeah, if it’s him probably right you might write you might transcend age.
Brackets isn’t a super people danced his way into any age down Rod.
Yeah, he dances like an 18 year old with the agility in the energy of an 18-wheeler diem.
Okay, Zack said, he’s reading an amazing book about breaking habits.
I’m not sure if this is the exact book, but there is a very popular New York Times best seller book about breaking habits called The Power of Habit.
By Charles, duhigg D.
Okay, duhigg duhigg good.
And I think our friend Jess is reading it currently.
Oh, that makes sense because there’s they both went to Landmark Forum as well.
Yeah, let’s just skip to Landmark Forum.
Okay, landmark forum just for a little context in case anyone’s interested in going to this which I guess I would recommend because well, we don’t condone or condemn it, right?
Because we have no experience.
We’ve no Yes, but we have a good friend who had very positive experience there.
So if you think you are in need of some breakthroughs, yeah, sure.
It’s a three-day long course and then he had mentioned.
Best chance for Erhard.
And it’s big.
It’s big storyline in Americans.
So you said Northwestern probably has a good rowing team.
And they don’t.
Okay in Christ.
They do, they not even have romantic.
They do have one.
Okay, but they’re not even in the top 20.
Wake us up when you break the top 15.
Yeah, and you know, what’s also it was a Harvard is 16th.
Yeah, and they’re acting like they’re number one on those social networks movies.
They do a great job branding because my eye my head, they’re number one.
I think originally it was like Yale and Harvard and that was the There’s five, colleges.
Okay, which movie does Rob Lowe bang?
This is tricky because in both movies class and Oxford Blues, he does have sex with an older woman.
Oh, so that’s why it’s confusing but it’s actually class, right?
That is his friends, his mom Burrows.
Yeah, and it’s like revealed.
He has a know that when he’s sleeping with her like edible, like What’s this Shakespearean?
He sleeps with this.
You’re supposed to know this stuff.
You studied theater.
What is it?
No, it’s not but but it came.
Someone was told they’re banished.
And when you’re going to end up sleeping with your mother and killing your father, something right, which is edible, Lear Macbeth.
You don’t have to just know you don’t have to just list.
All the Shakespeare plays that, you know about, I was hoping it was something specific.
Okay, onward and upward in Revenge of the Nerds.
You said they’re screaming.
We have muff or we have Beaver brush, but it’s we’ve got Bush.
Oh, it’s Bush.
Yeah, that is Skate me on the day.
But now I’m remembered.
We have blush.
Okay, much much.
Classier got we got Bush.
That could have been a bumper sticker.
Like you got milk.
I’m glad it wasn’t.
We have a network.
It’s an already, an uphill.
By the way, just Outside.
No, no one can get Bush much anymore.
It’s not it’s out of Vogue.
Not as popular people aren’t?
Yeah, they’re not.
They’re not growing a big bush.
I wonder if that’s to my knowledge.
I’ve been off the market for a long time, but I think it runs the Gambit.
Okay, some people still good for them.
I applaud them.
So you guys refer to a shiksa.
That’s in the new said.
I like that.
Okay, that’s a derogatory term, but it’s from Jewish people against us.
Me included you and caucasoid Gentiles.
Yeah, that’s fair.
It’s a disparaging term for a non-jewish woman.
Yeah, I like when other groups are making fun of us.
I embrace it.
Some of the names are cute like honky and cracker, you know, they almost sound like cartoon characters.
I can live with that.
None of them.
They’ve never really been able to hang one on us.
That is as hurtful as most of the ones we cannot what I mean.
Yeah, cracker, come on.
Shiksa sounds like some kind of warrior.
Well, then he called her someone call.
You looks like goddess.
Here you go, six on.
You be like, hey, thanks for the install.
It make you feel good.
You said, you got punked when you were Twenty Eight.
So the first episode came out in 2003 and you were 28, but you probably then got punked when you were 27, at least, but that starts bumping up against my claim that I was unemployed for 10 years.
So my story is not as good.
When you point that out.
Maybe I got it.
Just you had a quick video or cries.
You like it.
I’m an I’m like scared to do this one, correct.
I just don’t know anything about cars.
This is the Nissan.
Oh, before you say it.
I went home that night.
I went to sleep and I like Skyline was the vehicle.
I was trying to remember that was only available in Japan.
You said Highline?
Yep, it’s not highlighting.
It’s a Skyline.
Okay, maybe it clear up what you were about to say.
Well, not really, I couldn’t find too much.
Just said, the 240SX is closely related to another s platform-based vehicle such as the Japanese Market Sylvia.
So 180sx mmkay.
Does that ring?
Did I trust you over me in this case?
Okay, good, but it’s the Sylvia Sylvia.
You said, Zack was 24 when he got scrubs and scrubs aired in 2001, so he would have been 26.
But again, he might everyone’s playing fast and loose but I don’t think it’s intentional.
I don’t think there’s any malice.
Like, I just think generally, we don’t really know what you’re saying.
You guys are so old.
I understand right?
You’ll start losing dates, pretty soon and then he refers to Kaiser.
So say mmm, that’s from the usual suspect.
Yeah, people should know that if they want to watch it great movie, great crime.
Twisting turning movie.
Gritty Benicio del Toro is Easy, that’s his breakout role.
This is gonna fucking give her a haven’t seen it.
So is it flip you have left you for real if lab you you flip you for real?
Okay, I didn’t want to I brought this up already.
Okay, I want to bring it up publicly.
Okay, so I think it’s a problem.
Okay, that because masturbation is a through line in this episode.
Okay, comes up a lot and it’s just interesting to me that that there are a many The movies of young boys coming of age.
Choking their chicken, correct?
Yeah, masturbating and it’s fine.
It’s just part of Boyhood.
We do not see enough of girls doing that right at a young age.
And I suppose if you’re a young writer body, girl, you think you’re odd?
Yeah, and I can’t speak as an authority on this because I’ve not done any polling but I think two things are true.
I think one thing is it’s Always, that it’s been a patriarchal society for a long, long time.
And men are afraid of women’s sexuality.
I think, because they ultimately are afraid, they won’t be able to pleasure a woman or that someone else could pleasure her better.
I think that’s the wet wood gives rise to all these really crazy misogynistic laws around the world.
And so I think one is that just fear of female sexuality and that you won’t be able to control a woman, right?
Or even Freud.
He thought, you know, if you were horny or you were You had hysteria.
Yeah, that’s one element of it.
I believe second is you these all these movies were referencing are written by men, male leads.
Its, they’re telling their childhood.
Yes, and there’s a lot of jerking off going on when you’re young boy, but I also would propose that.
I bet the the rate is lower for women.
I don’t think that, I think this chemical that takes over your body testosterone.
When you’re a, teenage boy is a stronger.
Then whatever is making females horny.
I don’t know when kids are little.
Yeah, I see no difference in the little kids.
I’m around the girls and the boys, exploring their bodies pre-puberty pre-puberty, but I’m talking puberty jerking off in your teen years.
I know but I think that I think that is a result of society.
I’m just I can speak on that one point.
You couldn’t have put a wall of fire between me and beating off.
It was gonna happen.
The girls still do it, but they’re not going to be talking about that.
Are you pulling out their vaginas in front of their friends?
That’s not acceptable.
It is totally acceptable for boys to do that.
But then you just saying that you think the number is last.
You don’t know.
Well, no, I know here’s what I do know evolutionarily, the male species gets to procreate with great fecundity.
There’s no there’s no expense to it.
So I’ll males in all species.
Can knock out.
Thousand women if they’re capable of that and spread their genes, right?
So that’s been vastly rewarded.
Where’s there’s a huge time commitment for raising a child as a woman.
You have to precede a lot differently.
So that’s just a part of our Evolution.
So that’s kind of undeniable.
So as a result of that, the the mail hard wiring and the The Reckless motivation to just procreate and have sex is higher.
Yes, that is true, but I think Bertie for both sexes is what’s it get personal?
I was very personal.
How often were you masturbating as a teenager?
Okay, this is a good example.
I don’t want to answer that.
Okay, because I feel that makes me really uncomfortable, sir.
And you feel fine talking about it, right?
So why don’t you break these societal chains and let some young listener out there know that it’s just finding was very helpful.
That’s a whole reason.
I brought this up.
I don’t write but I just know my.
I just thought maybe we could compare frequency as maybe some data set.
We could go.
Yeah, must have been a.
How about this.
I’ll just say yes or no, was it?
Daily every single day you had to do it.
I don’t think so.
So for me, it was and I think most boys it is.
Well, it was when I discovered it.
It was when it first happened.
You’re like, what’s look at this new thing?
Yeah, okay, but then in Peter, don’t ya?
Then it Peter but I wasn’t like oh, this is something that everyone does and great.
I can keep doing this every day.
Yes, and although I agree with you that it’s ever present in media.
I still felt all this shame about it as I think a ton of boys did.
I was trying to quit all the time.
Like it was it was it was a big preoccupation of mine to stop doing this and I don’t know why we weren’t even in a religious house.
There’s something about it was like you shouldn’t be able to feel good On Demand, right?
I don’t know where that comes from.
But I could not resist.
It was, you know, yeah.
I just think it’s more acceptable for boys, 100%.
And that shouldn’t be the case.
It shouldn’t be the case and like, all these things.
Maybe the middle is also true, you know, maybe it’s those things plus maybe the drive isn’t as intense, but you don’t want to concede about that’s fine if it’s not but that’s not even what we’re talking about.
Okay, who cares.
If the drive isn’t as intense, it’s still should be allowed.
And it should be presented in the same way.
It is with boys.
Were, this is something that happens and it’s fine.
Yeah, just may not be as much but who cares?
That’s not really relevant.
Over quantity is what you’re arguing.
Well, thank you for bringing this up.
And, and thank you for being as honest as you are comfortable with.
And I apologize if I put you on the spot.
I just felt like we’re we’re beating around the bush here, where we do have some data in this room.
We could at least look at anecdotally.
I love you.
I love you tremendously me too.