what’s your name
again brian brian brian
that’s a good goddamn fucking song
brian you like it you know how to pick them who is that
mike posener
mike posener this is the guy who became
famous over the internet yes wow
that’s pretty goddamn
good we got a well instant messenger
going on in the background
yeah something
i don’t know what it is okay
ladies and gentlemen
thank you very much once
again for tuning into the
to the podcast
as always we’re sponsored by the flashlight
my special guest today is rick schroeder
ladies and gentlemen rick schroeder
thank you like
from a million different things the
first time i was ever exposed to you i was a little kid
and my stepfather took me to see the
champ and i cried like a bitch really oh
that’s a good story
you know i’m remaking that got me so are you
a kid you know i’m remaking that are you doing it
again really
in the world
hopefully your world
in the mma world wow
dana’s got it really wow holy shot awesome yeah
yeah but you can’t have the
death though yeah
he’s never gonna go
yeah they will
he really know why why because
the way i got it written
he has a pre existing condition for motorcycle accident
that’s why he died
oh okay because he takes a blow to the head you
crafty hollywood people
just know how to
trick us the champ
you ever you ever seen one of these things before
no this is the flashlight
and what it is is you know it’s a masturbation
technology device
it’s to make
jerking off better
and and what is
this thing how
you collect
is a collect
nobody’s had sex with
it is it collect the
fluid in the bottom or something yeah yeah yeah this
is a recycle
you release it
cracking of shame
is how i describe it
you go like that it just
slithers out into this
thing shown
fish in the bucket
this is his move this is called fish in the bucket
ladies and gentlemen for you watching on itunes
when you pull this flashlight out
it’s really soft
fake vagina material
and so when you
pull it out of this tube that looks like a flashlight
you see what looks like
you know the actual device is like
it looks like a
jellyfish sort of a thing
wow what is that retail for man i
think it’s like sixty
bucks or something like that but if you
order through my website you get fifteen percent off
supposedly supposedly
we got to figure out how that works yeah
make sure but
hopefully they’re selling them because the fucking
things work man
you know everybody beats off have you
tried it have i
tried it have
you trust your name
did you stutter just like
today i haven’t fucked
today the one why
would you try
you have the most beautiful wife
smelling good son
i know his wife stop getting crazy
let’s just be realistic
you have to be able to use your mind on occasion
you can’t always fuck the same person
you have to fuck someone else with your
brain the flashlight does not talk yeah
it’s not even that it’s just like there’s times
where you just it’s like a maintenance
thing you just gotta
just gotta beat off like you don’t want to have
sex you don’t have the time to get intimate you just
look i don’t need to get rid of some loads here
bam i could
understand that
you know when you’re 18 in the shower in the morning
and brush your
teeth jack off you don’t
understand that as a girl but i don’t
understand that as a four year old it just
i think my hgh
levels crashed oh
gotta start doing squat son
gotta get on them deadlift son
handle bells man rick schroeder just
started doing
jiu jitsu he
is taking it now and you’ve been taking it for like
three days i’ve had
four classes
for four days with
eddie with your
teacher eddie
bob yeah he’s
rick schroeder’s
learning how
to strangle
bitch have you had that ringworm yet how
about that definitely
tell him yeah
listen i got some soap for you i’m
gonna give it to you before we
leave i wanted
to have it out for the podcast but i forgot
it’s called
defense soap
and you can go to defense soap com
i have no affiliation with them
the guy who owns it guy sakos just this really cool guy
who made this
great product
and it’s all
about keeping your skin healthy
when you do
jiu jitsu because when you do
jiu jitsu you’re getting scratched
and you’re rolling around there’s a lot of abrasions
all over your body
and if you don’t wash with like a good healthy soap
you can have like you get infections you
have like ringworm
and people don’t tell you
about it’s fucking really annoying
you have to find out like from
other people that do jujitsu
like my friend already had a
staph infection on his knee and his knee had swollen up
we were playing pool
and he’s walking around the pool
table with this like weird limp
so i go what’s
going on man
and he goes i got a spider bite
and i go oh shit let me see it
so he pulls his
pants up i go dude that’s a staph infection well
he thought it was a spider bite because it was this big
pus filled red mark it looked like he had gotten poison
with something he looked like there was like you know
venom in there or something
so if i hadn’t noticed that it probably
could have got
systemic and he
would have had to have been in the hospital with iv and
antibiotics it’s really really dangerous
stuff what’s the ringworm
thing is that
not real it’s
the funniest
no it’s called
no it’s the same
thing as athlete’s foot it’s really the same
exact fungus it’s just different parts of your body
and what ringworm is it’s like it grows and
it looks like a ring
you know when it
starts to infect
you like a big circle on your body
and that’s how you crop circle your skin
yeah it’s usually in circles yeah there’s some gnarly
dudes at the gym
that you really i mean
you don’t wanna
sweaty guys on top of you
it was weird to get
it was weird at first
it’s weird as fuck man i do
but i do it i
think of it
you know you don’t even
think of it really as a dude you
think of it as like a problem you
think of it as
here’s this
you know there’s
this thing that’s moving around that i have to dissect
you know i have to dissect this guy
i have to figure out how to lock him down
figure out how to hold him in
place figure out how to take his arm
what happened there
made volume
boom would you do that brian
now my volumes gone
your volumes gone yeah you just fucked with something
there you go
that’s better oh it’s sensitive
wow mine’s way loud
that’s better
i’m gonna back off the mic
back off the mic son
so i’m loving the jiu jitsu
yeah so rick schroeder’s out there strangling bitches
you got tapped by your own son though that’s sad
really i could
come on could have got him i
could have got him all
right should have
got him then
i did next time i will tell you something
you have kids you can’t let them tap you
my other son though
my 18 year old son holden
he actually did get me
well holden seems like
he’s a big strong strapping fella
and he’s just
starting to come into that
so he’s like
really into it you know when i talked to him
about jujitsu
i was like dude you
would love it
he would love it and
he needs that gym in salt lake yeah
jeremy horne has a gym in salt lake he’s
going there for college
right yeah he just went there last week
he needs to go well
we’ll get him set up with jeremy because jeremy’s got
a killer gem and jeremy’s like a really good
coach he’s one of the best guys you could ever
learn from because
jeremy has always been
not like a physically talented guy
he’s not like a natural athlete not like
super strong or explosive
just really
smart and really technical
you know that’s what he’s always
been like he’s always been real clever on the ground so
just a great guy to learn from
those are the best guys to
learn from the guys are really strong
sometimes they’re getting away with like
a lot of it is just through athleticism and they’re not
quite as technical as the guys who are like
naturally not that strong
those are the best guys to
learn from jeremy
horn is one of the nicest guys in the world
cool so he’ll love it
he’s gonna be a killer he’s
gonna come back he’s
gonna oh he’s a
beast already
he’s gonna get you he’s already a beast so
what did he tap you with
it was an arm it was an arm bar
you got me arm got me arm well
and and luke got me in a region
think about not tapping
yeah but i know my son and i could feel the emote
like the boys and their dads have this thing
like especially when boys turns like 18 19 20
they have to go through this thing where they like
have to push their dads away
like for some reason it’s part of the natural
transition into manhood yeah really
yeah and he was going he’s
going through there now because he’s eighteen
and i could tell he wanted to hurt me
so i knew i needed to
i know i needed to just that’s so
crazy yeah and
i said i tapped and he goes you can’t tap
i said no i said hold and i tapped
he’s like oh
he just wanted to just wow
he didn’t want you to tap you didn’t want me
to tap that’s
ridiculous why
would he not want you to tap
if he got you
you want to
break your arm
well i don’t
think he want to
break my arm
but that’s what happens when you don’t get to tap
you just want to give me a little more pain
before i tapped out
wow that’s fucking
weird man i don’t know
how i’d handle that i have to beat the fuck out of him
i think i might have to beat the fuck out of him you’re
lucky of girls nothing
i don’t know how to deal with that i
might have to
choke that dude
i’m mad to be like we’re
gonna figure some shit out here
you know damn
you don’t have to go through that
some fucking
young buck run around your
house was chest puffed out i’m not listening to you
uh well you know what you
gotta put the hooks in son i’ve
gotta let him listen
another way i gotta get
through him
just squeeze him out
you gotta be able to consistently squeeze them out
that’s what’s most important
you can’t just squeeze them out
every third time
you gotta be able to squeeze them out
every time you guys grab my goal my goal is
i’m gonna beat the fuck out i’m gonna get eddie’s
mondays and wednesdays for the next six
months yeah and i’m
gonna learn some serious technique you can
and he and i are gonna we’re gonna go at it again
eventually well this is what you need to do all you
need to do is be consistent
be consistent
that’s the most important thing be consistent and
spar a lot and get on some sort of a strength program
get on like
lifting kettlebells are the best
because they’re really lightweight
you can do it with like a 30 pound kettlebell 35
pound kettlebell you get a
tremendous workout i have one workout that i do
it’s just one 35
pound kettlebell you call
it farmer strength yeah you get you’re using
your whole body
and it just forces you
to use everything
like athletically as opposed to like like just
bench pressing
just isolating your
yeah that stuff
doesn’t really enhance your your ability to move things
it’s like when you have
something that you have to control
and you have to balance it
then you develop
a different kind of a strength the strength that
has stability and balance and the strength that the
muscle groups
use and muscles adjust when
things are going
wrong and when you’re getting tired
that’s what’s really important
you do that you’ll
choke the fuck out of that kid just what i’m talking
about get that little
shut up you
gotta be able to get them all the time
it’s very important man you have to
let him know
that every time you roll
you’re gonna
choke the fuck out
of him this is a foregone conclusion
there’s certain dudes that
you just own
like when i
first started doing jiu jitsu
there was this
kid who was this purple belt who was really good
and this dude owned me
every time we rolled he owned me it was a foregone
conclusion that i was
gonna tap i sucked i was a
white belt i didn’t know what i was doing
and he was a really good purple belt he was
strong as fuck and he used to like
to run through me
that’s what he
would like to do just fucking
squash me as
quick as he could
and it was like god damn but
you kept there was an
order yeah well you know
he left and i went to another
school the school that we were at close now
but the important
thing was i knew
every time i roll with that guy
unless i get way way way better
i don’t get way better than i was
that guy was
gonna fuck me up
every time so there’s like
i didn’t want to roll with them
cause he owned me
you know what i’m saying
you gotta own your kid
own that little
motherfucker this
is what you
gotta do get his neck
just shut the fuck up
that’s what you
gotta do dude
a lot of it’s
psyching out too you might
wanna like shave a mohawk and
stuff and start
like spitting on em and
stuff get some
tattoos by the
way that look outside
someone that mike
tyson face tattoos hold your gun sideways
bitches know you ain’t playing
rick schroed is
in town motherfucker
what they say garment didn’t make man equal
smith and wesson did
well you know you were
my fallback
rick is one the
very unusual hollywood guy
you’re not you
know everybody
wants to say that like he’s not a hollywood guy
but you’re not a hollywood guy you’re a dude who had a
ranch out in
colorado yeah
i know you love to hunt
like you love a lot of like
manly shit jujutsu is
right up your rally
totally man i mean that guy
spear gun hunt
yeah you do
crazy he got back from africa
and showed me all this fucking shit he killed went on a
great safari with my son
wow fly airplane taking me we’re
gonna go pig hunting
we just have
to figure out well it’s more than pigs actually we’re
gonna do some
we’re gonna do a buffalo i’m not
doing anything i can’t eat bison you can eat bison
yes bison you can but i’m just saying
you guys kill shit you can’t eat he’s
gonna eat everything
that he killed the only shit that i can’t that i
would kill that i couldn’t eat
is like shit that i
think like coyotes that kill cats and shit i
could kill a coyote
you know like i’ve had cats fuck coyote
yeah i’ve had
you know my dog got killed by mountain line in colorado
when are we
going hunting when are you
gonna when do you have time we’re
gonna figure it out
right after my book
i’m supposed to be done with my book by
october fifteenth
because november will
be time yeah
it’ll be cooler
and we can hunt deer
right we can hunt deer pig deer
dude i like the way deer taste
i want to do
it because i’ve been a meat eater my entire life
and i’ve taken
no responsibility for my desire
to consume meat you know i’ve not felt any remorse
you know from pulling a
trigger and seeing an animal die i
haven’t made a
connection a real
connection between
what you’re doing when you’re eating meat
and i think as a person who thinks
i think that’s actually probably important to try out
well you know what very
important you know hunting gathering was our past
you know with some men
especially hunting gathering
and like the further we get away
from that vibe of hunting and gathering and providing
and testing ourselves like that
i think the more out of
touch we’re
becoming with who we are
do you know why i
think that is
i think the
world and technology have
evolved faster than people and i
think there’s certain reward
systems that are set up
in the human mind to
ensure that we’re
gonna continue to do certain things
like that we’re
gonna continue to wanna fuck
that we’re gonna
continue to
want to hunt like you get like a response from hunting
i know i do from fishing
i’ve never been hunting but i’ve been fishing
and there’s some primal
thing about pulling a big fish out of the
water like yeah
yeah that’s fucking good
knowing that you’re
gonna eat this
thing like you just went out into the wild another
world okay floating around in a fucking
ocean and you pulled something out of that world
and now you’re
gonna eat it that’s
gonna give you life yeah
there’s a little there’s
energy that’s attached to that like you feel good
about it well you know if the
truth is if hunting gathering societies had succeeded
they were they
they haven’t
succeeded because they were placed by mass farm
production societies
will us surplus
changed everything what
changed everything was the ability to stay in one place
people have like this sort of a nomadic
genetic connection there’s a guy who lives in alaska
and they chronicled him on you ever see vbs
tv you ever go to that website no
fucking phenomenal website
there’s a series called the vice
squad or the
vice guide and
they do all kinds of
weird shit like they go to like
africa and they go all over the
world north korea
but one of the
really coolest ones they went to this guy who lives
by himself and his wife in a cabin
out in the middle of nowhere
in alaska yeah i mean he lives around bears and he
all he does all day
is hunt and
bring food back
catch fish and
smoke catch fish bring
it back yeah i don’t know what he does for vegetables
because he’s like you know it’s frozen up there i mean
he’s eating
fucking pine cones i don’t know what he’s eating
i mean i know he gets some supplies
dropped to him
yeah this guy
he never saw 9 11
huh he hasn’t even seen a
photo of it off the grid these are
guys totally off the grid
there’s guys that are doing that out there and
he’s just but he’s like
so off the grid
and he says
he’s extremely
happy and he’s
very articulate
he’s not like a crazy guy
he’s a very
articulate guy
who’s been doing this for a long time and he says that
as man gets further
away from his nature like this hunter gatherer nature
you lose your
connection with the
earth you lose your happiness
and he thought that that’s the reason why people
you know like so many people
are depressed and so many people hate what they do
hunter and get hunter and gathering like that
you’re gonna love that you get it
there’s like a visceral response like your genes get it
yeah yeah and it
clears your mind i mean when you’re out
trying to provide
food for yourself your family your friends
and if that’s really all you’re
focused on then it’s all this
other stuff and
doesn’t sort of add up anymore
you know doesn’t
count doesn’t really matter
and so hunting gathering i mean
it’s really
where we came from but
we’re a dying
breed hunting gathering people so do you
think that that’s one
of the reasons why society i mean it really does make
sense right that that’s one
of the reasons why people in society are so depressed
is that we are living a life like
technology and society
has gotten so far past
where our genetics are
and our genetics
still require some acts
for us to feel good
you know that they have like there’s a set in
you know a reward
system in place for doing
things like sex feels good so that you make babies
food feels good so that you keep eating and you survive
yeah all these reward
systems are set up and if you take a few of them out
without correcting the body
yeah like you’re
gonna have like
these holes you’re
gonna have these problems yeah
these voids are over there and then
they’re filled with
other things that
are probably not nearly as healthy or good
um is that a fascinating idea though that it’s like
it really is like you’re looking at evolution
i mean you’re
looking at it you can you can tune back into it
like if you
look if you look at like the way it’s set up
it’s set up to make sure
that we do certain
things and if you take
these certain
things away
you the body gets fucked up
like it gets like we there’s
things were missing like people don’t have sex
i’ve always said this like
it doesn’t matter
how religious you are if you’re not having sex
you have sexual
organs and you’re not
using like do not
you don’t want to
experience any pleasure you don’t want to
you don’t want to
like exchange
love with somebody
like that you’re
gonna break
you know that’s not good
that’s not good at all no sex is good
then we can
agree all the natural
things food is good
i mean there’s all
these reward
systems that are set up
it’s just it’s really fascinating
that so few of us are
tuned in to the hunter gatherer
thing that you are
yeah man i mean i grew
hunting is like breathing for me
you know it’s
like it’s just part of my life and i bow hunt and
i hunt with shotguns i hunt with
rifles i hunt with blow guns
i hunt with spear guns
i just hunt i just have to and you know
one of the one of the
geronimo i think was the
great indian warrior
when he was finally caught
and put on the reservation they said to him so now
geronimo what are you
going to do now
there’s no more hunting for you and he goes no
we will hunt mice because we are hunters
and we have to hunt
and and that’s just sort of it’s in your blood
hunter that’s a dude that needs a
hobby that shit’s
ridiculous you
gotta go hunting mice how
about you play
chess son alright
settle down
we’re gonna go hunt mice what
leave the fucking mice alone man
it’s not necessarily
always the kill though it’s like the pursuit of
something so do you feel
like when you do it when you when you kill something
and then get to eat it do you feel like did is it
trigger some sort of like a primitive reward system
that you feel
you feel it you know
funny enough i actually
don’t like to eat a lot of what i kill
what which is
oh that’s right we have this conversation you like beef
i eat for dinner
i like beef
but none of my meat that i’ve ever killed goes to
waste i always give
like i don’t
particularly like deer or venison
meat because it’s so lean
right i like fat i like
i like ribeye
steaks that are just
full of marbling so
when i hunt
i mean i do
clean the meat and take care of it and
i always donate it to somebody a friend or family or
somebody that needs it
but it’s it’s really the pursuit
and the capture of the game
that i get the the
reward from not the actual taking a bite of it really
you know i mean it’s
see i get that too but i
think i think there’s something in deer meat
i think there’s something in deer and elk and this is
hear me out that
sounds totally crazy
but i think the
things that are hard to catch
are better for you
i think that if you got a cow that’s
just hanging around being a fat fuck and you walk
right up to him
shoot him in the head
i don’t see how that’s good for you
i mean i mean it is good it
tastes delicious and
everything and i eat
steak like anybody but
i think it’s better to eat deer because they’re hard to
catch yeah the
effort involved when it flees be really
you know when you
want to kill fleas all day then for the same reasoning
oh my god no
cause you’re not eating
them they’re not animals that are prey you psycho
these they’re
hard to catch
they’re hard to
catch what are you saying
they’re not hard you could
squash them you
never try to
catch a flea it’s
hard i don’t
think i’ve ever seen a friend
there’s a thing called free
split free spray
please pray
i can say it
you can fucking kill billions of them with a
stroke of a hand when you’re
ready to go hunting let me know yeah
where we’re gonna go i
definitely want to go hunting
for we’ll do another podcast when we get back when i
lived in colorado deer were
everywhere it was
crazy and all
these fucking
liberals and hippies and boulder nobody
shooting any of
these deer so they’re so relaxed
they’re just
standing there big fucking ten
point bucks
just standing on the side of the road looking at you
and i stopped the car and i’m like really
i roll down
the window and i’m talking to the i go really
really he wasn’t
scared of me at all just looking at me like what
bitch that’s awesome what
the fucking huge man and they have elk
when we went we looked
at some property in evergreen because i was convinced
that that was my move i needed to move to the mountains
yeah that was my i’m trying to get you
to freaking i longer
if i well let’s not talk
about that on the internet or
fucking psycho
stalkers are listening
to pay go wisconsin
yeah what anyway
evergreen oh when we were looking
at property in evergreen there’s a fucking herd of elk
that wandered in
photos they wandered down
this certain path they walk through the fucking main
street in town every year
and there’s like
hundreds of them and they’re fucking huge
like how badass is that like you’re
standing there and as you’re
standing there a herd of elk
just walk through
the fucking town it’s totally not natural though
i mean really i mean
where i hunt elk and deer and
stuff man they’re just wild so
it’s not natural it’s not natural
it’s not natural if not have a fear man
oh yeah of course it’s not
natural it’s not natural yeah well the problem is
somehow or another this town was
built on a path that they always take the
migration thing yeah
so i don’t know i
guess maybe there’s also
there’s more fear of mountain
lions than there are of people so they figure look at
least we’re around these
crazy assholes
one of us is getting shot
we’re not all
gonna get picked
apart by a fucking flock of mountain lions
is that what mountain lions packs packs no
they don’t even they
travel solo anyway packs
maybe they’d be
like spider
spider they found the amazon you ever seen that
there’s a spider they
found the amazon that attacks in packs
it’s the only spider in the world
they attack
thousands of them at once
so they make these gigantic nests
huge spider webs
where like a deer could get stuck and
they kill much larger
things they kill rats and all kinds of
crazy that’s cool it’s the amazon the amazon is
there’s a bbc documentary about the amazon a two part
series that i watched once i still have it on vhs
i can’t find it on dvd like they don’t have it
fucking phenomenal
they go into the amazon yeah and that’s where they show
these these spiders like
there’s shit that’s evolving in the amazon
right now what the amazon was
is it used to be like
fields and then it became a rainforest like overnight
not overnight but really
quickly yeah so a lot of animals got
stuck inside this rainforest
and they evolved
like there’s an antelope that swims
it’s got little
short legs and it swims like up to a hundred yards
underwater and it eats fish
and it’s a fucking antelope that’s
crazy why did do that because it gets
stuck there in the
water and they had to figure out another way to eat oh
yeah there’s a fish that fucking
climbs out of the
water walks
till it finds the next pond and jumps in
that’s pretty sick dude
there’s so much
crazy shit there
it’s all these animals that are
adapting to this
fucked up change in the environment
badass it’s so awesome
but the spider anyway
they found one spider they’ve
never thought spiders did this before
but they found this one spider that acts as a pack
that’s sick like so killer
bees but killer
enormous spider webs
and these little fucking mice get
stuck in them and shit
they just swarm on thousands of spiders you like fuck
you just think what if that was me
what if it’s the middle of the night i’m
going to take a piss
and i still what this is
all fuck ah
sounds like hallucination
of fucking million some people
tracking you did you see that
photo i posted the
other day on
twitter of the spider in my backyard i went
yes back what was that this big you
identify it no it look like the predators face
that’s what it look like yeah you
where’s the
picture it’s on my twitter
yeah twitter dot com
slash red band
yeah could find how how many days ago probably like
a week ago a week ago
i’ll retweet it
good luck i’ll
retweet it tonight you’re asking too much
son you’re asking for research i’ll retweet it tonight
spider scared the fuck out of me man
i found five
scorpions in my living room once
five scorpions yeah there was like a nest
yeah they have
scorpions out
here man really yes i’ve seen them many many many
many many times and the little ones
they’re very dangerous they’ll fuck you up man
hmm tarantulas
right rattlesnake
tarantulas all the time
rattlesnakes all the time we have rattlesnake fencing
you know my my two pit bulls both of them
had gotten bitten
by rattlesnakes when i had them
this fucking rattlesnakes are
dangerous man they’re all over the
place yeah when i
lived in calabasas i always found
snakes all around the ground just like eating my
other animals like
coyotes if you fuck up and step on one accidental
you got to be real careful when you’re hiking
we went running i went running with the dogs and we run
there’s this hill that we run
this dirt road
and when we
were running down the hill i was like oh here we are
running over this log
and as i’m running over the log it’s a fucking
giant rattlesnake
i realized as
my feet were running over it i was like oh my god
dude there’s a rattlesnake as fat as my arm
it is giant
the biggest rattlesnake i’ve ever seen uh
i was like holy
fuck i mean it was fat dude it was fat it was like a
bitch it was like if that
thing got you be like fuck
feel the hot lava of the fucking
venom going into your
bloodstream immediately you
know that those that cult out in um
virginia that actually holds snakes and
that’s part of
their religion
if they don’t get
bit by the rattlesnake
then that means they’re like pure and
stuff oh my god
and so there’s this preacher guy
who’s in prison
right now because
he wanted to kill his wife
so he stuffed her mailbox full of
and she opened it up and put her hand in and got bit oh
for attempted murder oh
damn that’s some
fire and brimstone type shit that’s like a preacher
would think
uncle barry fin
shit yeah but
some fucking evil snakes
like some tom
killed her by putting a moon full of rattlesnakes
she reached in to get the mail
and they snap the hold of her and suck the life out
angela and lansbury
somehow involved with this
whole thing there’s some primal
about doing that getting some evil animal do your
dirty work setting somebody up that’s
like that’s like
that’s like way cooler than just
shooting somebody
you know he said the fucking rattlesnake
wow jackson
when people it’s
always a fucking husband and his wife man god damn i
would like to know
about the percentage
of people that kill themselves or kill each
other rather
what percentage of
husband and wife
you mean just
like that where the
husband kills the wife or the wife kills the husband
is it more that like
what is the percentage
as far as like people getting killed like how
many of them are husband and wife how many of them are
just here’s the guy that works at the post
office that always fucking piss me off so i shot him
and how many of his husband and
wives i don’t
think i don’t
think it would be
as much as you
think i think domestic violence be huge
but i don’t
think it goes all the way i
think we’ve all seen
couples that are just fucking violent to each
other right
yeah that’s
scary shit dude
that must be so
scary for a cop
you know they always say that
those are the
most dangerous calls to take domestic violence cases
it doesn’t seem so like if you
watch the show cops it
doesn’t seem
like it’s that big of a deal to you
that’s true brother in law that was
abused by his ex really
i can’t go into details but
she came out with a knife
she came out with a knife
a few times
he wasn’t fucking her correctly
let me tell you something no
chick i’m fucking is ever coming to me with a
knife you gotta
keep him in check
that would suck
you gotta have control
do you not get
involved in any sort of relationship
you’re not the man if you’re actually a man
don’t get involved in a relationship
where you’re not the man
if you feel like well somehow
with her i don’t feel like
i’m the man and just i don’t know what to do get out
get out you get your souls getting
stolen from you in the
night while you
sleep but you don’t realize you’re with
alpha like you
but it’s not
it’s not it’s don’t
it then whatever
the role is make sure it’s a harmonious one
you know i’m saying don’t let someone
all of a sudden be like
the dominant one and you figure you’re not dominant
anymore like men who get in situations like that
where their wife gets to yell at them and the father
the husband’s always gone okay okay
okay okay that’s just nature’s
that’s their nature
that’s not healthy
there’s a girl out there somewhere
that’s probably nice
and if they
found that girl instead of the one they’re with they
found some chick who just likes to
look at the positive side of
things and she likes
going to cool
movies and eating in fun
places and she
doesn’t require a lot
you know you that goes out there
you don’t have to listen to this fuck yeah but
she’s probably dead inside for that
those very good qualities you know that’s
why she’s giving up on life and she’s like are you
giving up on
life she’s enjoying
things is that what it is when the
chick isn’t
crazy she’s giving up on
life is just
interesting sit down on the
couch just like
i’m dead that’s interesting
so you think that any
chick that’s like no i don’t really i didn’t
really shake this out
i’m just throwing something on the
table there
i thought you were committed to this man
no you sure you’re not committed to this argument
rick doesn’t even know what we’re talking about that
kinda went over my head
staring at us like i took rick
schroeder to his very first ufc recently how was it
it was good but to be honest with
you i wanted to be inside
where you guys were
i was like on the outside
and i was like
too far i was looking up
and i didn’t have a great view
well you guys were on the floor like
floor seats are not my favorite
my favorite is one or two up
yeah on the side
i think you’re right i think the first risers
right first rise is the best spot because you’re
still close enough to see the action
yeah you know but you’re not
yeah you’re not looking up
sometimes life sucks when they go to the ground on the
other side of the cage
if you’re on the ground you know like in tv and
hd because i buy it all the time on pay per view
like i get like the
close ups i hear the sounds more
i was more in the fight commentary where
yeah i i didn’t hear any commentary
right you can get these little they have these little
radio things and
they sell them
ufc fight link i believe it’s called
and you listen
to it and you get to listen to the commentary
they broadcast it unlike a wireless signal like a
radio station
iphone app for that they
should totally right
totally charlie
what the fuck dana
dana get on this shit son
it was cool though man
you have seen a huge ufc fan
just wrote a
movie about it
so we’ll see what happens but yeah i mean
rick schroeder go
chuck norris
talk to me once like 15 years ago
chuck norris hug me is the
greatest moment of my life
chuck norris man was was like
did he try to
start some mma
league well he did
he had a kickboxing league
i think it was called the
world combat league i’m
not sure i’m
not sure if that’s the right name
like 15 years
ago i apologize if i’m
wrong because i’m a
huge chuck norris fan
and he tried to
get me in on that way back in the beginning like really
like let’s build a team in
la yeah that’s exactly what
he was doing he was doing kickboxing teams and they
tried to do that with the ifl
the ifls the international
fight league and they had some really good
fighters but they
tried to do that team
thing too they had
tried to have them
fight in teams
the only two
things will be fun is that
they’re all at once
well you know i thought it was free i
thought you know hey look you know
it’s not the
right way to go but at
least it’s something different and people are talking
about it like it makes for
subject of debate you like this do you not like this
you know it makes it a little
novel but yeah
it’s not the way to do it teams aren’t the way to do it
i would you
know when all
those things were
coming around i was like what are you doing it’s an
individual sport
why try to team
i guess what they’re doing is they’re just trying to
get in on some unique way
you know like
everybody else is doing it this way so we’re
gonna have teams the denver douchebags and the fucking
the montreal
monsters you
know folding
chairs into it let’s really get going
i was just gonna
say it seemed very roller derby
i was gonna say that you went pro
wrestling around the same way
wave like there
yeah it’s i don’t know man
it’s interesting the only way to do it is just do it
you know just have to
stop trying to
dress it up
i do like some
strike force rules
strike forces put rules in when they don’t have
elbows i know
a lot of people like
elbows but fuck
elbows cut people up man
and i know you
should just protect yourself from that
and elbows can stop
fights too they’re very dangerous weapons but
i kind of like
strike force how they just do
punches they don’t
elbow each other on the ground
i think i think
it might make
fighters careers longer i mean
people like
it though and it’s a very effective technique
maybe they need some sort of a pad on the
elbow if that’s possible
you know that
might not be a bad idea that
doesn’t cut yeah because it’s such a
short movement
when you’re on top of a guy in such a fucking
short distance to stop and so much
power you can generate
and it’s just bone on bone just
smashing your fucking face
that’s a goddamn dangerous technique man
make it have like a
sound like a dog toy though
every time they do it it’s like
you feel gay doing it
making a squishy toy noise
i don’t think there’s anything
wrong with elbows i mean don’t get me
wrong i wouldn’t take them
out i wouldn’t take them out either but
i look at the
strike force
rule and i go
maybe that’s the way to go
sometimes i look at it and go i like that that’s around
know what i do like i like that there’s a
comparison we can look at the
strike force
and see see what happens with them with the
punches in the ground like we’ve already done that with
pride the old
pride days they used to be able to
do whatever they wanted man they got soccer kick dudes
while their heads were on the ground headbutts
stomp on them
they did i don’t
think they allow
headbutts and they don’t
think they allow
groin groin
kicks i don’t
think the allowed
fish hooking or any of the
stuff that’s always illegal
they didn’t
allow it but they added
the stomps and
the soccer kicks and the knees to the head to a downed
opponent it’s all really fucking
violent dangerous shit you know
when you see a guy get soccer
kicked in the head that’s when you know you like whoa
like shit this is not
fucking playing around this is a real fight
that guy just
soccer kicked that guy in the face when he’s down
it’s not the best
thing to have in
mma but pocket adds this
crazy element to it
you know when a guy goes down the
other guy’s trying to
stomp him like
literally like whoa
vandele silva
knocked out
i think it was timora
no it wasn’t timora
damn i forget who it was yuki kondo
yes i believe it was
he knocked him out and then he started
stomping his fucking head
while he was down but didn’t
early ufcs and
like have biting and stuff
maybe it wasn’t easy
condo i should i
should find out exactly who it was and
randomly do that before i said
it but whoever it was he was holding onto the ropes
with one hand then kicking the guy in the face
stomping on his head
while he was down it was so violent
i was like fuck
like that took it to another
level yeah that’s the refs
fault though for no no no it’s
legal it’s legal
huh in japan it’s legal
well in japan and
pride it was
legal you were i
think you can
still do it i know you can
definitely still kick
or knee a downed
opponent i think you can soccer kick him
still to and you can stomp them
still too i
think i think
dream the way they do it i mean
there’s different organizations like
one of the things that the
ufc has always been pushing for is a unified
system of rules so the rules we use
everybody uses so that we all practice
the same sport that makes complete
sense totally complete
sense it’s totally the
right way to go but
japan doesn’t give a fuck
they’re like no
we don’t like five
minute rounds we want a ten
minute round
ten minute round
and they have
crazy shit where they’ll come and they’ll take your
money away if they don’t
think you’re
fighting hard enough really yeah dude they get
crazy laws over there
so like say if
and sometimes man dudes
are just taking a fucking breather like it’s a war
or they neutralize each other
nobody can get anything done
and they go stop stop
and they pull
out a yellow card and what a yellow card is
is they take 10
of your fucking purse
so if you’re getting paid
100 grand you just lost 10 000
because some fucking douchebag referee
decided you needed a yellow card
cause you’re not
fighting hard enough at
least it’s just that in
japan a yellow card can mean a lot of
things yeah
they could be
get the eels
and the women
they cut your finger off
right could mean
that’s a p card that’s the craziest
thing ever the yakuza
will they chop fingers off
why like you fuck up you do something
wrong you have to cut your own finger off
that’s your
that’s your
punishment yeah yeah
that’s one of the punishments did you hear
about the saudis
trying to paralyze some guy yeah
did they go through
with it yeah i don’t know if they’ve gone through
with it i know they’re inquiring on whether or not it
could be done one hospital said they
wouldn’t be if you don’t know the
story this uh
a guy hit a guy with a
shovel is that
what he hit him with i don’t know any details
he assaulted this guy in some way and paralyzed him
and under islamic law
eye for an eye
they literally want to impose the exact same
injury to this guy and do it in a hospital
you know one hospital
is like you can’t paralyze somebody like we can’t
just do that another hospital said it was possible but
they did not have the
conditions available they
would have to go to a much larger hospital
so they probably went to some fucking
goat and donkey infested hospital
with chickens running through the fucking lobby
like would you be willing
to paralyze
someone and they’re like well
maybe we can do it here though do this
again south
central to do it for 100 bucks
would you guys
agree with that though eye for an eye
judgment um
man you know what i
think there’s just a certain amount of
cruelty to that it’s not necessary i
think if you want to show people
that it’s wrong kill the guy
that’s what i
think i think
death penalty is a good thing
but you know
i mean you have to know the circumstances who knows
maybe the other guy’s a dickhead
maybe the other guy
threw a rock
first and then he hit him with a
shovel and paralyzed them yeah we don’t have
enough information yeah
maybe that guy was fucking
tormenting them
you know wouldn’t
leave his kids
alone it was
an asshole kicked his dog and you know it’s
building up over ten fucking years
and finally homeboy had enough and he just
did what he’s supposed to have done a long time ago
crack that motherfucker over the head with a shovel
but unfortunately
his little faggot
ass has to go and get paralyzed
and now my man’s in the pokey and they talking
about paralyzing him too
meanwhile all he was doing
just trying to hold his ground just trying to get by
in this world
you know they
trying to they
should have the three
strike rule like the
first time you do something really really bad they come
they take away your hearing then the
second time they take away your eyesight they
shut off your tongue dude you you
might have just
invented that and that there’s people in iran
right now right that
write it down
before the idea
escapes us into the ether
get that dot com yeah
get the dot com get the dot com
i punish that
never solutions
it’s hilarious that is cheaper
i have a code
account there
which i may not
i don’t know what
accent we were there at the end we went japanese we
started off
we have the
worst fake iranian accent ever
i’m an insult to any impersonator out there
okay joe what can i tell
you man without telling me what do you want to know
about back in the day dude
i want to know
everything you know i’ve been friends with rick for
well a few years
for five years now we’ve gotten
more friendly lately
since he got back from spain yeah
since our kids our
bodies yeah
just really
changed since he
said i became a
pussy settled
in like all the
other pussies out there in the world
no i’m you know for sure
i don’t think you can
understand what it’s like to have children
until you have children
and you know louis
ck said something once
about kids i thought was really interesting
said just let it change you
and i had already like
kind of let it change me before i
heard that but
i was like wow that’s like the best way to describe it
let it change you
you know and when you have kids that’s
that really is what happens like you you all the sudden
first of all the immediately what i
started doing
is looking at people as babies
i looked at everybody
i used to just you
know see a guy
who was 30 and i was like oh here’s a guy
hey buddy what’s up nothing
you know normal but now you feel like the
inner child
yeah but now i
yeah i see the
inner child
i see how he
developed to be that guy you have much more
compassion for people
yeah you know
that’s cool i try to keep as much
compassion as possible
while still
avoiding douchebags that’s my ethic
there’s a certain
point in time
where sometimes
you have to go dude shut the fuck up please
leave me alone i know you were a baby once
no one point in time you innocent little
child somebody fucked your programming up i
understand this
you gotta let me go i got shit i
gotta do you know
that’s right
right i get it
but yeah you have a change of time
so i think everybody does
if you don’t change when you have kids you’re a fool
you’d be crazy too
the worst thing in the
world that you
could ever feel is that
you didn’t do your best when you were raising a kid
that’s gotta be the
worst thing
cause i think
your childhood was fucking
completely bizarre i mean my
childhood was
bizarre on paper
but it wasn’t
bizarre in front of the
whole world
you know and
you became a fucking
superstar when you were a little kid
you’re forty now
right right just
for okay i’m
forty three
so when i saw the
champ i think i was
seven what were you like four no no i was
seven so you were ten
in the champ
really yeah
okay my time run
you’re close but
either way either way
whatever i was
seven or ten i was
fucking crying
like a baby and you are even younger than me then
so when i was a little kid
when i was like
going through
live trying to figure out you know what my parents were
breaking up
going trying to figure out like fuck what is life all
about you were fucking
famous in front of the
whole world
like i couldn’t imagine that
point in my life being famous
that must have been
so strange to develop in that but you’re so normal
well here’s the
thing that’s i
think interesting
about like growing up
famous cause
i became famous when i was like
seven so i don’t have any memory
of life before fame wow
so when that happens and you’re forming and you’re
getting programmed and you’re getting created as a
child right
that’s what becomes normal for you
and so i don’t have any
frame of reference like i wasn’t thirty
and all of a
sudden bam became
famous and i had
thirty years of history
of normal life
so fame is normal for me
so because it’s normal
that means kind of it’s not special
because what’s normal
is right is normal
right so that’s kind of
i think a different unique thing
about being a
child actor like i wasn’t
i saw drew barrymore
last night i went
never heard anybody put it that way before
i went to her premiere last
night she’s kind of done the same thing
and her new
movie and gave her a big hug and kiss i
haven’t seen her in 20 years just grab her ass
and no i just
cute girl though give her hug
give her hug in a case
i’ve known her
since i felt good
i’m twelve come on felt good she was
eight as drew
barrymore we
would dance tom
green not got that you
could get that too kid
yeah yeah she picks the
weirdest guys
which is great i love tom
green yeah i
would do his show no i didn’t he does a show like is he
canadian far more sophisticated
yes he’s canadian
but you can trust him
i saw you trust him he’s one of the good
ones did you see the show where he took
animals into his parents
house and had a zoo
he like fucked a moose on the side of the road he’s a
savage yeah
he’s fucking awesome i love that dude he’s a
really cool guy too he’s got
a show that he’s been doing out of his house
he turned his living room into a
studio where he
broadcasts a live talk show from his living room
and it’s super popular it’s really good
it’s interesting you get to see him
changing and of trying different things
when i got to him he was into the secret
who’s like really that book yeah
he’s like had a copy of it
right there
i mean i don’t even know if he was telling the
truth i believe he was but
it seemed like almost it was like it was like it was
trolling he
was just fucking around pretending to be into the
secret thing
yeah but so drew
the same thing
it’s been a few of us have gone through that
like not many
did you very very few
count on a hand yeah
the percentage
of people who go through that and get lindsay lohan
are like it’s like 95 right
yeah more more than 95 it’s gotta be
what do you
think was the difference with you
oh what’s the difference you know i quit the
partying thing when i was
young and i didn’t continue it like i think
some people do
and you know i had my feud wildly
years between 16 and you know 20
but you know i always kept my kind of
stuff quiet and i
kind of kept it
under the radar and
you know wasn’t really public
about it and then i met that was
cause there was no
tmz yeah there’s no internet
there was no
tmz no one in there son
and so keep
it on the dl when i
was here making it rain
how you ever wonder
when i was twenty i met andrea
and that just kind of
changed my life because
i was a dad at twenty two
oh so that’s a big part of it too responsibility very
early on now did you used to hang out with all
those people back in the data like gary coleman and all
those guys like i like were you like hang with punky
brewster and stuff
yeah yeah i knew everybody there i mean
the different
strokes kids were filming
next door the facts of life girls were across the the
other studio stage
did you guys bang each
other who’s the boss kids
did you guys bang each other
you must have
right yeah for
sure yeah it’s
small wonders
my twirlings
to you stream
crowd you stream
crowd knows what’s up
so yeah there was some
drama going on on set you know i mean there was
i told you a little bit
about the todd bridges
thing yeah todd bridges
we had todd bridges on fear factor
and he had a chip on his shoulder i
mean wasn’t a bad guy but had this thought that
everybody was out to fuck him
yeah everybody like we were fucking
him over like we didn’t want him to win oh i see what’s
up you don’t want me to win i was like too but you
the guy the guy beat you what am i gonna say
right come on
man this is
ridiculous well he’s got a new book out so like you
god bless him i hope he sells it and
stuff but well he just you know
he didn’t my
point is he did not get through it the
way you got through no he was chasing me around with a
pistol full of urine
wow water pistol full of urine
he was yeah i mean
he was pissing a
water pistol
and then just say okay i’m
gonna squirt
this again like
the rest of us
should be throwing
water cups at each
other and crap and he took it to the next
level and just
started squirting with his urine
ran him over with her
train dude he was big and he was older
and we were all scared of todd
how old was he
and we were all like 13 14 and he’s all like
18 19 oh my
god he was 18
and 19 he was pissing in little kids faces yeah
and r kelly was the originator of that he had a porsche
right and so he was racing around the
studio and stuff and
i remember i was 16 and i just got my 944 turbo
and he’s like let me take it for a
drive and i’m like
okay so i gave him the car keys and
he’s like this
thing needs broken and right wow
he just abused my car
he brought it back with you know
bald spots on the top wow wow
and you let him do that well
damn you todd bridges
yeah well todd bridges he wasn’t a bad dude though
he’s just a fucking baby that got
stuck into a
weird situation
dana plato didn’t develop
the other sound
dana plato became a drug addict
right yeah she died in vegas
whoo that’s the
place to die if you’re gonna
die with other
drug addicts
that’s what
the disease seagull finds its flock
can i place it this
quote that i was talking
about earlier oh yeah this is
silver spoons
from i love silver
spoons but this is one of my favorite
quotes and it’s so
weird to listen to
right now listen listen
it’s like a recording
yeah this is crazy
see computers are the way for the future
people already playing video games on them
someday people can do all
their backing with computers or
shopping with computers
someday almost
everything’s gonna be done by a computer
what that’s nice but
we need special stories at the pepper
like can you muscle me and bucks with this thing
that was arnold jackson trying to talk
steal money that’s me and garrett coleman
so listen to what you were saying man
you were saying that like what was that nineteen eighty
three that was
season one three eighty two you
what you lost you
what you doing you got done just
shut the power off
i’m back anyway
you you it’s like so you
how did they fucking predict that so well
it’s kind of creepy i know
did you guys get like computer some like
steve jobs or
stuff that they
like because that whole show is
about computers
did you have like the inside word were you like
are you a profit yeah
no i don’t know your mormon you
would be a profit
video games man on set and
stuff so i don’t know
about the computer thing
you know as a kid how
crazy you were
like you were like kid porn for us you were like
dude he has a packing machine he has a
train he’s got
you know you
had every single toy in the
world it was like
we idolized you as kids at our
age group i’m 36 so it’s like
i had a duck
phone i had like
remote control for my
with mr and
gray man if there was a tmz back
aaron gray what
would they have caught you doing
what would they’ve come to do
would you be popping bottles hanging out of
hotel roosevelt
with alfonso and corey haim and corey feldman
whoa back in 1986
though 87 hotel
roosevelt wasn’t nice
really it was a dive
wow what was back then
was a dive club
hollywood you remember club hotel
super cool remember
remember hearing
about club hollywood you know back in the day like
team bop magazines
of hollywood
that was that
that’s so weird man
corey hames dead yeah
nobody saw that coming yeah
so how weird is it that there’s
these kids that
that grew up
with you that didn’t make it through the net how
weird is that to watch
um yeah it’s
i feel really bad for the like when you see kid
like corey haim that you knew when he was a little kid
yeah he was so good too you know dude when he was
the two of them were was that fucking
vampire movie
lost boys lost
boys they were good in
those movies yeah
he was a good actor
yeah so you must have hung over
phoenix michael jackson
and what did he
taste like you remember that kid
river phoenix
yeah i mean he was a real
talent you know fuck that was crazy
dying on sunset
strip you know
what about michael jackson
that used to hang out with him
michael jackson
visited the set of silver spoons wow
what was that like he was friends with alfonso
who was my buddy on silver
spoons you know alfonso yeah
yeah okay who was on the
fresh prince right
after silver
spoon and what’s his last name
again robert
barrow alfonso
so yeah he came to
visit one day and michael jackson and
hang out with alfonso cause
from the commercial
that was when he was the biggest star
ever planet ever
huge yeah huge it was
that was to tell
about my book
that was like
three made me very uncomfortable oh really he’s
bullshitting he’s michael jackson estate
calm the lawyers down
do you think you fuck kids
um yeah you must have
heard stories
i don’t know
about anal but i
i think it might be
it might have been some inappropriate
stuff if i had to
guess like some hand job to
you aside and was like don’t go over
really i heard so many
rumors about michael jackson and why he’s
you know why he was the way he was
yeah but you were actually there
what was he like like
he was very kind
i wanted to i mean alphonse went to the universal
amp theater wants to see him play and we went into his
this was like billie jean
times yeah this is the time so she caught top of the
planet through
this planet you know
the universe
and so we’re hanging out in his trailer and
you know just hanging out really nice quiet shy guy
and so i’m like 16 17 i said michael
what’s you know how did you make it from a kid actor
to an adult
like this you know how did you survive because
i was kind of in the middle of
transitioning from a kid to an adult and
he said you know the
trick was being
inspired ricky because
i had to be inspired to keep it up
and i had to find
stuff that i wanted to work on and wanted to do
and you know i kind of took that advice to
heart you know
but no nothing ever
inappropriate and he
started kissing her nipples nothing inappropriate
happened with me
or that i know of
he’s such an odd
he was such an odd guy just even the way his voice was
and it was very strange that that’s a man’s
voice just such an odd character
you know but
never been a guy who
would so much to get out i mean we talked
about it last week in the podcast like how
crazy was watching him dance
it’s like nobody
ever did anything like that before like the even though
the way elvis
did but he did in a different way
he took michael
jackson’s he had
a weird thing about
sammy davis
he took some from brown
jim brown i mean
james brown
james brown
we watched that
on the podcast a couple weeks ago the opening in zaire
james brown was like manly
the way james
brown was like
it was like more like a
you know what i’m saying
the way that
michael jackson
did it is more like this gliding almost like
alien type character
it’s moving around in perfect
synchronicity it was like the more of a
there was more of a
perfection to michael jackson’s movements
whereas like
james brown was more of
a raw sexuality you know
i had the jet michael jackson jacket do you remember oh
totally the generic
one though i couldn’t
my family couldn’t afford the real ones we got the
generic one at this
store called gold circle
it looked exactly the same
but there was like some kind of tag the real one had
and immediately everyone’s like fake oh
yeah people had fake
things fake members only
i had a fake eyes odd
it wasn’t a crocodiles like something else
right fuck such a lizard
never crocodile
that’s a weird
thing with kids
right yeah they
the need for
brand name shit umbros
spelled with a q
what is that
remember those umbro shirts
shorts used
to be real popular back in the day
same thing they have generic
brands i was like
cuombo tell me
this you wanna talk
about popularity you have
young kids yeah how the fuck is that sagging
thing still in
how the fuck are people
sagging their pants
still it’s just like wearing pajamas
well actually it’s not no they’re pulling
their pants
to half their ass
half their ass and then they’re pulling
their belt on so
their pants stay on
is it to show you like how good they
clean tight jeans
tight jeans
now is back
no dude i’m
telling you but
whatever is back for
tight jeans not not in
style what people are doing
those kids are
still sagging everywhere
everywhere i go i’m meeting kids in the crotch of their
pants is by
their knee and they can’t even fucking walk why are you
laughing joe
what’s gonna end
it’s gonna end i don’t
think it’s gonna
end that’s what i’m telling you this has been around
since i was in high school
and it was one of
those things
where i thought okay
this is bell bottom
jeans this is fucking wearing a visor
this shit is
gonna go away
you know it was back
like i don’t
know people fucking sag
i remember parachute pants
or something
maybe it’s comfortable it wasn’t as many
but it was still
it was like it
it came from prison
though the whole
thing comes from
when you go
to prison they take away your belt so you can’t
choke yourself to death
well you don’t have a weapon either
so your pants are sagging off
and you’re losing weight
because you’re not eating as much as you were when you
first got it
yeah probably or you’re
eating more dick yeah you’re getting that haydes food
anyway that
would suck being in prison
what’s a webster
story what could be worse than getting your freedom
taken away i know i
think i’d rather be dead
what’s amazing
is all the different shit they can put webster
for you know
so the webster story so
so i’m you know at one of these
network junkets
where you go to promote your show and stuff
and all the
other actors and cast are there from the shows and
this little
man black kid this tall is just cute as
could be man is like
i put him on my knee and i
started just playing with him and bounce him around and
he was giggling and
laughing and having a good time and then like
you know i liked kids i’ve always liked kids so i
laid the kid back and i blew like
like in his neck
zerbert zerbert
that’s what bill calls it bill cos
i blew him a couple zerberts and he’s like giggling
like a little like a little four year old right and
i put him away and let
go ahead now you i’m done playing with you
and somebody comes over and says you know he’s sixteen
no no we were
the same age
we were the
same age man oh my
god and he didn’t say anything he just
laughed oh my god
that’s the best
story ever oh my holy
shit you fucking gave the sixteen year old
webster as zerber oh my god
on a one listen
now on a one to ten what was the embarrassment
level when you
found out he was your
age it was it was you i feel really
what did you
think i feel bad
gross oh my god gross
did you apologize to him no i oh my god
oh my god you didn’t even apologize
was he really
laughing that when you did it or was he like
giggling like if we
had to go back and do it again today would you
would you apologize
would i apologize no i just wouldn’t apologize still
too bad too bad there’s no cell
phone cameras
back then can you imagine somebody filming that
dude melissa gilbert was
teaching me to juggle that day too
i looked at a jug
how okay how big was it
he was i thought he was
like four five i thought it was just like a little kid
you know if we can get him can we
film and recreate it
reenact it what exactly happened with you yeah awesome
i met him once of the comedy stories are very nice guy
really nice guy wow
he’s very friendly
was he a nice guy
yeah he was fine he was well you guys would
get off a lot bad start
giggle a lot it tasted like sugar
yeah what did he
taste like remember what he tasted like
it taste like honey
it’s old spice
i only feel bad when i found out how old it was
why does this baby smell like old spice
why is this baby got fucking stubble
baby’s got razor stubble and a tattoo
baby’s got a heart on what the fuck michael jackson’s
glove on his ass
could you imagine
how do you know him well do you know when the
first time he got laid
you know man you
lose no i don’t know well
the gary coleman
story was fascinating he was like forty
virgin led yeah
virgins probably talk bridges wasn’t it
he should have taken that money if i was his advisor
okay and i would say i
would say let’s let’s get rid of the showbiz
aspirations let’s just let it go
we got about fifty
grand the bank i think it’s time to move thailand
it’s time to go thailand
thailand your celebrity
okay you still got
fifty grand will go a long goddamn way
get you get yourself a nice girl
settle down the jungle
learn some learn some muay thai
go fishing okay america’s not for you son you’re
gonna get some fucking
that the chick that did
marry him did you ever see the chicken married him
yeah she took pictures on his deathbed
when she was like
that’s so rough
like just get like a
self porch and he’s fucked up with pipes
tubes coming out of
oh it’s beyond
gross it’s it
it’s one of the darkest pictures
and that’s saying a lot that i
think i’ve ever seen
on the internet it’s true one of the darkest pictures
because it’s just like
there’s such
a lack of love and respect and there’s a lack of
remorse and
she’s not sad that he’s
dying or if she is it’s not that sad
terrible i don’t know i mean who knows how he
treated her you know
of course he
treated like shit
he probably yelled at everybody but you know the guys
again he was born fucked up
yeah could you imagine just
going through life
going there’s no way to fix this
and he was so talented though
when he was a kid
i mean he was amazing if you go back and
watch what do you do if you associate
a guy like that that’s what the hard part is
you know how do you transition
from being you know i mean it’s really
i guess if you
could write your own shit if you
could write your own
thing that’s really good
about a guy who’s in your situation
you know then you
could come up with some sort of a show as an adult
you know it’s possible
right yeah yeah i mean but you got to adapt and
morph and change and
grow at the times and that’s i
think what happens to a lot of
child actors they kind of don’t and
they also you know
they’re used to
being treated
a certain way and getting certain big paydays and
certain big
checks and when they
when it’s time to humble
yourself and just sort of
start working
again for less
or you know
start doing
things that you may not really like
their egos are too big
so you gotta stay humble
i think that’s the one of the
biggest and
aaron gray helps
doesn’t she
aaron grace
how hard is it to be able
to stay humble that is the most hard
thing right to stay
humble the most
confusing thing is when
you know that you’re just a normal person but everybody
treats you like you’re special
because you’re a star
like when you’re
on a set if you’re on a set like a sitcom
it’s so easy to lose your head
because everyone’s kissing your ass
and all the network
people are all walking on eggshells around you and
they want to be really friendly with you and everybody
wants to be nice to you and everyone’s got a big smile
and the show’s doing well everyone’s got a big smile
when kisses your ass it’s like you live in some
weird and then you had a
count and you
got a lawyer that kisses your ass and you publicist
that kisses your ass and
manager and all
these people that you’re employing that are
kind of kissing your ass
that’s why it’s important
you know just to have real people around it’s very
hard to pull off for some people it’s very hard to get
yourself out of that
that spiral
of confusion
your identity confusion like who the fuck
am i yeah but my friends were always outside hollywood
that’s important that’s the most important
my friends were
always just
you know guys that were farmers or
ranchers or hunters or did you just go knock
on the door
hey i’m rick schroeder and i’m looking for you
fellow hunters
wanna play my
video game let me
be your friend
i like frogger i got one in my
house what’s up son
how you proud of dragon’s lair
dragons are on set
you did yeah
dragon slayer was the one
where was a cartoon cartoon
and then you did the right
thing what was the lead characters named
dirt daring
love that that game
would suck your
money i remember i go to west when i was a kid
and i bring like
forty dollars a quarters
right and just sit there and play all
night until i was sweating
and that in mach
3 remember that one
where it was like real jet footage
where it looked like you’re a plane
and you were like
shooting down things
i remember a lot of those mach
three really remember dragon’s lair
that was the best
call of duty is my game now
totally can
i fucking i
play so much
dude when you go through the airport at that one
you know you just
start malling people at the airport
have you played i like to play
oh dude you
gotta do online
no i’ve done the campaign
but i like to play online
against other
people do it
i get addicted you
get addicted i get addicted bad do you play with the
xbox or the playstation i have both
but is that
what you do with console it’s a console console xbox
but i usually
i like pc games i like
with keyboard and
mouse you have much more control
i like first person
shooters i like playing like duels
dude you would love call of duty
fucking freak out right
he just remembers
quake can you imagine going to
quake the call of duty
that’s crazy
i have that showing is a
real addiction
i have a real addiction to games
no it’s quake
quake online
stills the best game
literally 40
40 is the cut off
literally i
found out for what
for like the
video game junkies
oh that’s nonsense listen man
do whatever
the fuck you want you’re not
no one is making
the rules no one’s making the rules you do what you
enjoy doing all
right this is all nonsense you’re
gonna be dead someday
do what you like now don’t do what you like because
you want to pretend to like you because
other people
think you’re sophisticated then you’re
gonna wind up
going to fucking
musicals and shit you know
do what you like
video games are way better than
musicals okay
video games are fun as fuck it
doesn’t matter if you’re 80 years old if you fucking
get some stereo headphones
get a good fast
cable internet line get online play some
quake holy shit
people coming out of the left side and the right side
rockets are flying
at you and you fucking
mowing people down with a
lightning gun
quick i don’t know
you never heard a
quickness you’re showing your age son
shit’s ridiculous
joe i know you
but if you played this game you play on the computer
you can play it on the computer imagine
that times 50 billion well what is okay
well tell me why so
great the graphics one
incredible blow your mind and the weapons
the weapons will blow your mind playing with like
fifty other people at once will blow your mind
and you can hide in trees be a sniper if you want
you know scared
scared yeah
you should you should
take a week off i had a friend that lost his mind once
he was an actor he lost his mind once and this dude had
never been in the military
and called me up to goes
if everything
doesn’t fucking pick up i’m
think i’m just
gonna go to a rackage
are killing people
wow and i’m like what
i go what are you talking about
he’s like you know what man fuck it at this
point my life i’m
ready to join the
okay i can’t
talk to you anymore i stopped talking to him
the last time i talked to him
black one like
i wonder if this dude has just been playing a lot of
video games and it’s like
and he’s like you know fuck it i’ll just get a
good fucking
get fragged
just go over there and end it all
i wonder you know
huh what is it
about i mean do you
think people get desensitized playing
video games to the idea of real war for sure
definitely that for sure
but i don’t
think i make
sense change
their mind like killing people make
has like totally fake
like movement
like the the the physics of the game are not
human physics like you
jump further than you
could ever really jump
right it’s all about
jumping you killing strafe
jump you strafe
jump and you can you really jumping sideways
and you can rocket jump
especially play rocket
arena this the physics are just
crazy wild nutty physics right
i think your games are like more realistic yeah
i’m not interested in that but
you would be
i want to catch a dude in midair with a railgun
i’m talking about yeah
makes a jump i bet
you boom i bet
you if we get it
here and we hook up our computers together
i bet in within an hour
you would be fucking like
joe it’s crazy man
if you shoot somebody
through your head man like the
whole wall behind you
would splatter with blood
and and in the game and the wall will
start to i might
just have to pull out my
flashlight right then and there
if someone’s fucking head exposed behind them i
might just i
might get a viking horn
fucking my flashlight and blowing my horn uh huh
god damn his head exploded
oh it’s splattered against the wall
that’s gotta be satisfying if you’re a bad guy
and you shoot somebody in their
brain splatter against the wall
that’s gotta be upset i mean
you know it’s not there’s no positive carmen murder
but you know you get an a for artistic effect
boom have you been to
i went to the new york
and was doing nypd blue and i went
to do research with some cops there on how to be a cop
and they took me to the morgue
have you ever been to a morgue no
you want something intense they had a wall
like the size of that wall
with polaroids over probably the last 30 years
of the most gruesome
wow killings you’ve ever seen i remember one joe
the guy had put a double barreled shotgun in his
mouth and pulled the trigger
and his head had split perfectly down the middle
and there was one on each shoulder
his head was split and
laying on the shoulder one on each shoulder
like perfect
and it was unbelievable but
anyway um yeah it
should have tweeted those you need a twitter
unbelievable photographs god damn
it was just one this girl we want this one crime scene
the guys didn’t
want to pay this prostitute for the tossed off the roof
bounced off the air conditioners thirteen
floors down oh my god
crazy stuff like that oh my
god real stuff
frigidaire they didn’t want to pay a prostitute so they
threw her out the window oh my
god thirteen yeah thirteen you
can see the
blood smears
like a double
offense against humanity
i mean think
about like how empty
you have to be
to first of all
you’re not just
getting this prostitute that you don’t give a fuck
about but you’re
gonna kill her rather than pay her
yes crazy you’ve
taken someone’s
child and you fucked her
and then you decide you don’t you don’t you’re
worth you’re
worth less than nothing
worth less than nothing row you out the window
and have you die a slow
horrible dead
bouncing off fucking shit on the way down
there’s some animals out there man
it’s chilling
you know one of the
things that i’ve always said
about the internet
that is good is the internet
allows you to see
these things without coming into contact with
these people
i mean normally if you want to get
that kind of an
image and that kind of a visual
you have to either go on
patrol with cops or you have to you know someone has to
bring or you get unfortunate you see it you know
against your will but
is it because the internet you can go and find the shit
out and and see it from the comfort of your own home
and just know okay now i know this shit exist
yeah i know there’s somebody like that out there
cause you in
you run through your normal life you’re not
gonna meet somebody want to blow
his fucking
brains out with a
short blow your
brains out with a shotgun
you need to know there’s guys i got out there right
you know i was
accomplished in a movie
and 18 years old 19 years old brad pitts in the
movie were played runners together this
movie called across the tracks
so i think you know when you’re eighteen you’re
tough so i’m in my porsche
so i’m driving around compton
i stopped at a hamburger
price stop at a hamburger joint this nineteen eighty
eight the crack wars no
crack wars are
going on you were driving
around compton in a porsche in nineteen eighty eight
looking like nwa
this is nwa
days right like yeah
so you’re eighteen you look at your twelve
i look like i’m
14 yet and you step out of a badass fucking car so step
out of badass cheeseburgers
bitch i start
ordering cheeseburger
and this really nice dude comes up to me
black guy and he’s like
you know what’s up
ricky silver
spoons love it man love you and
these really nice
black people always love me
i don’t know why but they really dug silver spoons
so anyway so we’re talking a few minutes
later i go back
because it was the original
mtv cribs i go to back to check
i go back to
check on my car and there’s
three guys in my car
in your car
i didn’t turn the alarm on
my doors are
open my hatches open and they’re pulling the cd
change you remember
back in the day they had like an 80s
cd change was out
so they ripped that out
oh my god now they’re working on my blah punk
on my radio
switch screwdrivers
and so i ran over and they were like
cracked out people
and i said get out of my car get out of my car again
they didn’t even look at me
they like glanced at me and looked
went back to work what
wow literally
that was oh my god
there was nothing i
could do what the fuck was
going through your head you
were helpless
i’m 18 years old
and they’re ripping my blob
on guy with
their with their
screw you don’t have a cell
phone back to any
and you page somebody
no so the guy that was i was in line with
ordering hamburger cheeseburger
really nice guy
he comes around
the corner and he sees my predicament and he goes
ricky what’s
going on i go
these guys ripping my
stuff off and he goes okay i’ll help you hold on
and i watch him go to his truck and
his car he opens the
trunk and he pulls out a shotgun this big
wow with a pistol grip
and he runs up to my car and he
pointed at the
guys in my car and he says get out of the
motherfucker’s car i’m
gonna kill you
and all those guys got
right out of the my car man wow oh my god
i got my car and he said
ricky you better
get out of here you don’t belong around here
imagine that was on youtube
see that’s the kind of shit that needs to be
on youtube wow i
never step foot off the set
again in compton
oh my god holy shit
so they just looked up and
went right back to work yeah
just looked at me
went back to it christ
but that one guy
saved my ass man
yeah that guy did i wonder if he
saved my ass
no he was a gang
member there’s a
world he had
that little shotgun he was a gangbanger there’s a
world of like criminals that if you’re not from the
world of criminals
and somehow now that you fall into the
world of criminals
just accidentally if you stumble into it
like i did yeah you’re fucked me
you don’t understand how
everything is working
yeah the world
of criminals does not work anything like the regular
world of society
no when i was
when i was 21 years old when
i was i guess i was like 23 or 24
i moved to new york from boston
and i started hanging
around with this dude who was a homeless pool hustler
and he was a really
smart guy one of
he became my best friend did he
teach you a lot of pool
cause yeah yeah joe
was great at pool man
you played him
yeah it’s not fair he’s like
playing quake with
him he killed me
and i’m pretty
i’m not bad but
he plays good he plays good
i got a sickness for games and
right now the way
i play pool is nothing like the way i used to play pool
i used to play pool for
eight 10 hours a day
i played it all the time
but i went from
living in suburban boston newton massachusetts to
just mostly doing taekwondo
and competing in tournaments
that’s all i did
throughout my
childhood and
then i went from that to living in new york
and not being around any of the same people and then
hanging out with his homeless pool costler character
and then finding myself in these
fucked up situations with
crazy people like i’m taking him to buy
crack at fucking
three o’clock in the morning
and he’s got
and we’re in harlem and he’s got to like go into this
place i got the
wrong door i want to find the
right place he was
i fucked up
and i was like what am i doing here and then
there was a realization that if i got
busted if we got pulled over when he was making a bust
they would take my car
you know i’m
helping him but i like the guy but i was like
completely out of my element
i was like wow this is a creepy fucking
world that i’m into all of a
sudden i’m into
this weird cracked out you know same
thing happened to me
against what happened to you
this girl used to date her roommate
light crack and so
she’s like will you come with me and him because
his car is broke we need to drive
i’m like okay what are we doing he’s like oh
he’s going to a friend he’s
gonna pick up some
shit and i thought they were just talking about weed
so i get into this
i walk into this
house with these people
and they’re like
get in the basement
get in the basement and it’s a
crack house i didn’t even realize it was a
crack house
so i go downstairs and there’s people like
crack everywhere and there’s just a person at this
table and i’m sitting there
thinking all
right i’m the only
white guy here
except for my girlfriend
and two this is a
crack house and
this is what the fuck am i doing there
of course nothing happened
but i just remembered i was like what it
could have i was
like that’s the end of this hanging out with this girl
remember new jack
city remember
new jack city you got the titties hanging out
remember when they had the
crack factoring
that shit was really going on
places right yeah
they were pretty far
crack this fucky
what was his name
pookie pookie
that was a great movie
fuck drugs are
scary as fuck yeah that’s the scariest
people think that i’m like pro drugs
cause i’m pro marijuana and pro
but i’m pro nothing that they get addicted to
and nothing that can kill you
you know there’s
shit that you
should totally avoid
i tell you one try adderall though
yeah well according to
aria it makes a
good house i
wanna try it
aria hasn’t
cleaned his
house in forever
i’ve gotten one adderall and
half of one adderall and he
cleaned his
whole entire
place from like
amazing like he
found traffic keepers from
12 years ago with the incredible hulk on it because
you know from
a middle school kid that
he kidnapped or something wow
adderall is supposed to be really
powerful shit
robert etkimo
told me he took it accidentally once
ecstasy have you ever
tried that yeah
i’m not really a fan of that i’ve
never tried it i
learned a lot when i did ecstasy
i had a very
powerful positive
experience i
learned a lot from it
but i wouldn’t do it again
i did not like the way it made my
brain feel the next day my
brain was very dull
and it felt like
the way i described it i felt like a
sponge where like most of the
water had been rung out of it it just wasn’t working
right i couldn’t make
right i was in a
like a starbucks
and i was reading a
magazine the next day i was reading a boxing
magazine i couldn’t read the
magazine i couldn’t read it it was a
story i wanted to hear about
i’ve always been a boxing fan
i’m reading this
matchup and
i couldn’t read it i couldn’t put the words together
and i was like
fuck i can’t read
okay whatever i did last
night to have this
fucking loving
you know everybody’s
cool let’s all be friends in this beautiful positive
experience the next day like you pay for that
shit you paid for it
i paid for it
i was like okay i paid once i’m not paying again
i know there’s some shit that
doesn’t do that i know that
it was a positive
experience for me i realized
you realize when you do
ecstasy a lot of what is possible if everybody
dropped the bullshit
you realize
how beautiful life
would be if everybody was
super friendly and
happy to see each other
it would be way more
fun and way more
enjoyable than it is right now
and you realize that you can do your part to kind of
make it lean in that direction
so i think in that way it was very positive
but i think
the elevated
levels of brain hormones
that you give yourself when you take that stuff
there’s a deficit like you go up so then it
crashes and then you don’t have any left
and then your
brain is just like all shitty and fucked up
until it replenishes
everything on its own
i don’t think that’s
smart i don’t
think you should fuck with that there’s
other stuff that
doesn’t do that mushrooms don’t do that yeah
i’m scared to take
strums again i want to so bad but the last time i ship
for like six
hours straight on shrooms and it was the most craziest
worst you know hanging out in the bathroom
should you say shit yeah
sometimes they make you shit because
it’s like you’re eating mushrooms you’re eating poison
well you have
it’s not poison but they do have bacteria
sometimes they do have a lot of them have fungus on
right i’ve heard of
throwing up but not yeah
a lot of people throw up
some people trippy
to some people
throw up and that’s when it really kicks in
which is really kind of strange
dude you were
shit tripping i
remember looking at the ground was like a
checkered pattern i remember the
checkers are
going up and down kind of like text
tetris or something like that like i saw like the
my heartbeat
in the floor and it was
while i’m shitting my
brains out the
crazy thing
about the mushroom
experience is
individuals the
crazy thing is
the feeling that you get like you kind of get it now
and it’s this
fleeting feeling
you know it’s like
while you’re on
the mushrooms you like you get it it all seems to make
sense it all seems to fall into place
it’s like there’s a
familiar yeah familiar but it’s also this like this
enhanced level
of understanding it’s like all the bullshit that’s
going on in your head
all the insecurities all the
false assumptions all the
things that are just like
tripping up the way you think
they all get pushed to the side
and the lights all get turned on you know that’s what
my experiences have been on mushrooms but no paranoia
no mushrooms
had it all the time paranoia
every six times maybe
mushrooms are
annoyed and anxiety and
fucking bad trips and shitting myself well it’s i
think it’s when you try to control it
it’s very humbling sometimes i
think it’s just too
strong or too
like you said
different molds and
stuff so you’re getting
reacts into
a mold yeah you
don’t know who the fuck’s growing your mushrooms too
right or making your lsd
you know some people like you hear stories of like
crazy lsd makers i don’t know
what the fuck they’re doing and you’re just pretty much
fucking your
brain up here’s a
story rick that you
think was fascinating we’ve talked
about this before in the show
the cia used to do
experiments on american
civilians in the 1950s
against their will
we did a thing called operation midnight climax
where the cia
owned a brothel in san francisco and in new york
and they got
these guys are
going to get
laid and they dosed them up with acid and ran
tests on them
that’s how the cia
totally true
can we make that into a
movie fuck let’s do
it son we’re
going to work together seriously
what research
you saw in here
ladies and gentlemen
this is the beginning
what research do you have
a ricky joey
really no it’s true it’s operation midnight
climax it’s the freedom of information act they release
these documents
to see i a random
yeah let’s do it
it’s real shit’s
crazy i know right
look someone needs to do a documentary
on acid because people don’t realize it because it was
squashed out they
threw so much
water in the fire we don’t
all died out so
quickly we all don’t realize people live today
in 2010 what an impact acid had on the culture
of the 1960s
i mean people really were convinced that we’re all one
the flower movement of san francisco the flower
power movement
those people are all an acid what
about disney
can he see i don’t know what
about what about i
heard disney did that stuff
oh a lot of people have done acid i’m
sure he probably did it how the fuck do you call that a
crazy mouse
unless you’re doing acid it’s possible
who knows i mean you
might not have but i
think a lot of people did it because
there were so many people doing it so many people
reporting all
these positive
experiences on it that
all these rich
powerful people anyone in a position that
would get in contact with
these people that are doing it
these artists they
would want to try it
you know ken kesey
and timothy
leary and all
those guys and terrence mckenna
all those dudes that are
doing acid back then
they all wanted
other people to do it
mushrooms between
acid and mushrooms what’s the difference is
man lsd yeah it’s man made i mean it does
exist what’s the difference it
exists actually
in seeds of some
plants a hawaiian
baby woodrose i
think has it in it
or it has a similar
compound in it and there’s another one in morning
glory seeds
morning glory seeds
has like a natural form of lsd you can buy morning
glory seeds
and you do something to them there’s like
directions how to do it online you make like pour acid
on it no no
you like cook them or something
and then you eat them and you trip your fucking
balls off terrence mckenna said that his
first psychedelic
experience was morning
glory seeds
and then he had all this
aztec imagery
he was looking at
fucking mayan temples and shit through the
clouds i heard that with
a lot of things like banana peels licking frogs
no no no but this is real
but isn’t the banana peel
thing right no
no banana peel’s not real
no frogs are real
there’s certain frogs that produce ma5mao
dmt yeah they sell
them on ebay i remember a long time ago i was actually
gonna buy one just
to experiment with they say
do you know how to do it
huh yeah there’s a
whole website devoted to it show you how to do it yeah
i didn’t say that
what i heard is that you have to like
make you rub them on
glass and then
their excretions are on the
glass and then you dry the excretions in the sun
and then you
scrape it off and smoke it
is that what you
gotta do probably something like that
i didn’t actually do it oh no no
i talked to the
breeder and he was just like i’m
gonna have a new
batch soon i was
gonna buy like
three of them
but then i was like what am i doing i’m so stoned
i’m buying frogs off ebay buying
frogs to trip
the fuck out
that five meo
experience is
five meo is
still legal
that’s one of the
weird things when i
first did five meo we
ordered it online
five meo dmt
one of the most
potent than regular dmt
psychedelic drug
and you can just
order it online you can get like a
vat of it and just
smoke your fucking brains out
you know it’s way more
powerful than mushrooms way more
powerful than pot and you
could order it online
you ever candy
flipped that’s
where they take
ecstasy and put on one side is
ecstasy on the
other side is lsd
oh my god what are you doing your
brain so candy
flipping fuck
i can’t handle that
i’d see that goes into
those weird
lose your mind forever
you know trips
i blame the grateful dead
and all that shit
do you think you lost some
brain cells directly
but you know i
think i lost most
brain cells with that one
story i told you
about where i rented this
apartment and then my heat
ended up being carbon dioxide from the gas furnace
blowing on me for two years or a year oh that’s right
i found out the day i’m moving out and
guys like you know
checking over my room make sure i didn’t
destroy it and goes what the fuck why is that uncovered
i’m like what that’s my heat and
it was the gas outtake for the gas furnace
this is carbon dioxide you
could have died oh
there’s many
nights where me and this girl be like
and i’m like okay
luckily it was such an old
house it was
drafty so it wasn’t like airtight or something
dude you were getting poisoned
right i think that did the most damage i
total wasn’t
that one wasn’t that long it was like actually like
eight months or something like that
you open a different person yeah
i totally looking back at that i think i
definitely got some
brain damage mostly with speech
i think you
speech yeah i feel like stuttery
since then oh my
god and i just i
should totally sue this
place but now it’s like what 12 years
later dude fucking
sue maybe the guy hit the lottery
since then and now
you don’t know
you could get paid son i
know who cares go get yours so it made you stutter
yeah kind of i
think from that that’s what i remember
the most shit
well that one
famous tennis player died like that
vedas gerulitis
how did he die in the in
his room by carbon monoxide poisoning from the heater
just a couple years ago
not too long
more reason to live somewhere
where there’s no heat bitch
and have electric cars
how often you need to eat in
california down here
it’s so hot it’s hot as fuck
but what is better hot as fuck or dry
black ice you know that scares
the shit i like hot as fuck i like
hot as fuck
hot as fuck
to me is better than you can’t control your car
cause the fucking the whole
highway becomes
an ice skating
rink that’s happened to me many times in boston
i fucking hate this when i grew up in boston
i drove every day
because i delivered newspapers when i was
fighting doing taekwondo to make
money i would deliver newspapers during the day
then i would
teach classes and
train and then i
would go and compete
so when i would get up in the morning
every morning at 5 am a lot of times
nobody had plowed nobody had done shit
and i would just be on just
i learned how to drive on
skating it was like a rink
like i would
slide around corners sideways on purpose
cause nobody was around like i knew how to handle it
after a while
but you boston bruins here
no i don’t really like
sports you didn’t like
sports yeah
i got bored with
sports when i was young
the moment i started
like doing martial arts i thought
sports were
stupid taekwondo what’s the difference between that and
jiu jitsu taekwondo
is a striking art it’s kicking
kicking kicking and
punching but mostly kicking
that’s what i
that’s what
he does throw
most of my life judo is
throwing yeah we talked
about that last
night i told
ricky how to kill somebody with a
leather jacket just
put your hand
under here i’m telling him that
if a dude does
not understand jiu jitsu
and he’s an
asshole and he has a jacket on that’s why it’s good to
learn the gi
learn how to use the gi in jiu jitsu
because you know a lot of times people wearing clothes
and if some guy is attacking you and he’s got a
leather jacket
on all you have to do is get your hand up in there
under get your
hand on that collar
under here deep in
that collar on his neck and he’s a dead man you’re dead
sounding because i’m
gonna connect on the
other side you
go oh nighty
nighty nighty
that’s all i need to know
i need to know that i’ll
teach you that environment i’ll teach you that room
and then you just fuck with skiers all day bitch
come up here with them big
shoes on bitch
hang out snow lab just
but judo is the scariest
thing if a guy’s got clothes on if a
guy you getting there with like some
fucking jimmy pedro type character some you know
olympic judoka
you grab a hold of your
clothes man you’re going sailing through the air
and coming down on your fucking head on the concrete
it’s that’s no joke man is karate
pretty useless nowadays no
no karate’s
definitely not useless there’s a lot of take if you get
blacked out in karate
though no it
depends on who you’re getting it from and there’s a
ton of different
styles of karate
and even within those
styles there’s
there’s instructors that are much more
they’re much more pure with
their technique they’re better
they’ve competed in like international
world tournaments and
you’re always
going to get
levels there’s karate
guys like machida
cheetah is a bad
motherfucker and his base is karate
and he does the best
things about karate
he’s got a wide
stance he stays back on the outside he
counter attacks
he knows how to leap in and leap out very difficult
the time because of that and very good at like
leaping it almost like a fencer and tagging people he
fucks people up man and that’s karate he’s
using for real
but he’s excellent at it that’s the thing
it’s like karate is not the
best martial art but if you get really good at karate
and then learn the
other shit you
learn muay thai how to
check kicks how to
throw knees how to
take a guy down and
choke him you
learn some jiu
jitsu techniques fireballs
fireball i almost
said fatality
if you learn all that
stuff you can add to it but
the thing about like karate
that makes it interesting is that not
that many people are doing it
so if you get a guy who’s a really good like
really good like
like there’s a
bunch of different styles but
kyokoshin is
one that’s a real good one and shoto khan’s another one
the shotokan guys
tend to be more like leap in and like drunken
drunken monkey
style yeah that shit’s awesome
yeah drunken
monkey kung
fu that’s real that shit dude well the chinese
tried everything man you know
they tried all kinds of different fucking
animal forms and grasshopper and attack like a praying
mantis and fucking poke you with your fingers and shit
chinese were like the most
innovative coming up with different techniques for
fighting what
about does old
school wrestling like
you know roman greck
and greco greco
roman greco
roman wrestling
that like jiu
jitsu though
well it is in the fact
that it’s grappling
it’s it is in the fact that you’re you know you’re
still controlling a person’s body
but the intent is different but there was no end
point it’s back
well it is they
beat the fuck out of you once they hold you down the
thing about a
wrestler is
once they get you on your back you’re fucked
you know they’re used to their
whole life has been
dedicated to holding guys down and putting
their shoulders to
getting them yeah
so when they get on top of you and they’re
punching you they’re holding you down and they’re
punching you and they’re beating the fuck out of you
some of the most dangerous
fighters in the world are
wrestlers because of the fact they have the ability to
dictate where
the fight takes place if
they decide to take you down they take you down
and if you want
to take them down you can’t they’re better at
wrestling than you
so you’re fucked so you have to do what they want to do
if he wants to
fight on the ground you have to
fight on the ground
it’s a huge advantage so wrestling
has a big part
shoot yeah he’s a wrestler yes definitely
wrestling’s a big part of mma
and brock lesnar
was a wrestler wrestler
yeah it’s his number one skill
brock is learning submissions he’s getting better at
submissions he’s a incredible athlete
he’s learning
striking he’s getting better at it but his number one
skills wrestling number one for sure
well so he’s
really good he’s really good at taking guys down so big
powerful fucking athletic guy
who’s got excellent
wrestling technique
he’s learning all the
other stuff
wrestling is number one that’s the base
the base it
sounds like yeah you just gotta
understand jujutsu so you don’t get
trapped you don’t get caught in certain techniques
cause some guys are fucking dangerous off
their back like
eddie eddie’s very dangerous off his back yeah
whenever i roll with
eddie i only roll with him like
you know not that often but
every time i
think i’m safe
when he’s on his back
and he catches me with something
it’s like his legs are so dexterous he
really knows the the insides and outsides of each and
every position
but a lot of guys don’t
have that you know there’s only a few like febreci
over doom the guy just tapped out fade or he’s got
that to even higher
level his guard is nasty
there’s guys
that you just you can’t get comfortable with you
get if you’re on top of them
you can’t get comfortable with
you know they’re always attacking
they’re always setting you up and they’re always
moving one step
ahead of you you zig when you
shoot a zag and all side
bang you got a triangle locked on
motherfucker you’re fucked
right then you’re
trying to battle out of it but he knows
which way you’re gonna go
cause if you go that way he’s gonna
counter you by holding your leg and pulling that up
and now he attacks
your arm then he attacks the triangle next
thing you know you’re fucked
yeah because he’s just got this high
level shit but
unless you’re
fighting those guys
the most wrestlers are
gonna be able to pin a guy down and hold him down
it’s a huge
skill to have
i mean you must outweight
eddie by forty pounds
no not that much
twenty and he’s like one
seventy i’m
one eighty five i
think eddie’s like
one sixty five
i bet she’s one
sixty five so what do you one
one eighty five one ninety
for twenty five
pounds yeah it’s and i’m a lot
stronger than him
he’s big and man i can’t top them i’ve
never tapped them i don’t
think i’ve ever come
close well i’ve
only made him
stronger i’ve made a wing
i’ve never made him like
one day will you
who knows is he ticklish most likely he’ll tap me
again i don’t
put nearly as much time into it as he does he
teaches classes
every day and he
trains every day
you know he’s
training when he teaches
classes four
nights a week
he’s got a knee injury
right now so he’s not
training but
when he does he’s always rolling he rolls constantly
if i’m lucky i get
three days a weekend
if i’m lucky and
teaching too teaching
a lot of guys like there’s a dude
named brent at our
school who was really good but then he
started teaching and he became great
there’s something
about teaching people when you really
dissect the techniques
they say that one of the best ways to improve your
jiu jitsu game is
to teach it to somebody else is that that tall
light skinned
black guy no brent is a
heavy set white guy
ok big really smart dude
and he’s a brown belt
under eddie and
he’s a high
level brown belt when he
first started out he was just a regular guy
just another dude who was
always good
and talented
but when he
started teaching all of a
sudden he started taking off
he’s a handful
very dangerous guy
and every time i roll with them i’m like whoa
is there certain guys that you roll with
where you just
gotta watch your fucking p’s and q’s
this guy’s trying to kill you
one thing i
learned real
quick was you’re
either all in or all out two hands in or two hands out
if you got one hand in you know
if you’re on top
and you put one hand in
they can somehow
try they can
sure yeah grab your left
grab your arm and trap it yeah you got to be all in
right is that true yes but
even all in you got to be careful if you get a guy like
febreze over doom
and he controls both your
wrists you’re fucked you got a lot of problems
because he’s
gonna attack both ways and
as you defend one way he’s
gonna attack the other way
if he controls your
wrist at all you’re fucked
it’s very important you get risk control
jiu jitsu is
such a tactical fun
thing to do because
as you do it it’s very frustrating it’s almost like
remember when you
started doing
stand up comedy
and you said the frustrating
thing is that
there’s no end to this it’s like it’s
gonna go on forever
it’s gonna take forever to get good at it
know yeah it’s just a lot of devotion
to something that
you know you’re
gonna have to go on forever doing and
it’s gonna take
forever and you see a guy you know like joey diaz
how the fuck am i ever
gonna get that
right it’s gonna take 15 years for me i’m too old
for that now
that’s the same feeling with
jiu jitsu when you
first start out you have to enjoy
each little
miniature battle that you win
every new lesson that you learn
but the most humbling thing
about it is
as you do it you realize how little you know
yeah i know
there’s so many guys that are so much better
i’m like decent
but there’s so many guys that
we’re all talking
about marcelo garcia last night
he’s one of the best probably the best grappler in the
world really technical
not like this brutish
powerful guy but just all technique and he’s this
brazilian dude
super super smart dude
super nice guy too and just fucks everybody up
and his videos of him online just
smashing guys
just taking
these really like high
level wrestlers really
tough guys and just running through them
just choking them choking a little fuck out
no jujitsu guy
okay over and over and over again
you know and you
watch this guy just
running through people like
when i’m in full guard like
when somebody’s got me
when i’m above someone and
they’ve got me
is it called they’ve got me in full guard
they’ve got you in the guard they
got me in the guard
i don’t even have a good move yet to
break out of the guard
to get on side control
you don’t know that well you know
i can show you some
stuff there’s a
bunch of different
techniques you have a few go to moves yeah yeah like
yeah by a gun
it’s a game man it’s a game
if you treat
it look if you
treat it like penn and teller did this
thing on martial arts
where they said that
you’re better off saving your
money and then giving it to the mugger
saving the money that you would
but it’s not
about not getting mugged what martial arts are
about is like it’s a very difficult
thing that makes your character
stronger when you
learn martial arts
what you’re
doing is you’re doing this incredibly difficult
thing and when you do that you learn
about yourself
and other things become easier
yeah it’s humbling
yeah it’s very humbling it’s humbling when some guys
that you know
you look at it
doesn’t look like much but man
you’re tapping now
it’s humbling dude it’s a it’s a
freaky feeling it’s a
freaky feeling to have guys dominate you and it’s a
freaky feeling to dominate guys too it’s a it’s a much
better feeling it is better but it’s it’s
weird to feel people nervous and
freaking out and
like when they first
start doing it and shit and there’s like you know they
think they’re tough guys
and they they
realize like you’re closing in like this is getting
to a position where fuck
i’m not getting out of this you know you got the dude
mounted and he’s bucking and trying to
explode all his energy but
every time you do it you
counter nope not
going anywhere
right not going anywhere stay here
squash you and you
start slowly
squishing them and
squashing them
and you feel them
panicking you feel them start to
freak out with it like
they don’t want to
admit that you’re
gonna kill them
but that’s really
what it is they have to tap out and they have to say
okay i give it you’re just
gonna kill me right
thank you for not killing me and then you go again
it’s the craziest game ever
and you guys you get better as you get better at it you
understand that it’s really all about
focus and energy
and trying to put all the techniques together
but then once you get them all together like once you
drill them all
and you get them as a part of your repertoire
then it just becomes this
crazy zen thing
where you don’t
even know what you’re doing when you’re doing it
while you’re
countering and attacking and
everything it’s
like it all plays itself out
it’s like you
drill you drill techniques to a certain point
or when you’re rolling
they all just come out natural then it’s crazy fun
yeah it’s really fun actually
and especially
when you go with another guy who’s really good too
cause you’re just battling
back and forth encountering back and forth about
and you don’t even have time to think
you’re not thinking
about your bills you’re not
thinking about shit
no you’re not thinking
about you know your dog you’re not thinking
about you’re tired that
you’re there in that moment
but like in a zen
way we’re not even thinking
about yourself
yeah it’s so difficult
you don’t have
the time to the wander on your bullshit you have to
keep your eye on this guy’s trying to
choke the fuck out of you
i get out it’s have you been brian
no no i just i don’t
like croquet
it’s not for him
he likes cats
cats and croquet
it’s not for everybody man but i knew it
would be for you i’m glad you’re doing i knew it
would be for you totally loving man
loving it because
especially when you tell me stories
we went to dinner over his
house and he tells me stories about
trying to jack dudes and
fucking backing up into him on the highway and getting
crazy on venice
beach is the
story i told you
about yeah you told me that
story too i’m with
my wife and kids
going on venice beach and
i’m on a bike and this
other kid on a
skateboard 20 years old we kind of bumped into each
other by accident nobody’s fault
and so we kind of untangled each
other from each
other and i decided to go on my way and
as he’s leaving he’s like
you know stupid
motherfucker get out of my way next time
and he’s like
twenty years old
and i’m like fuck you asshole
and immediately he turns around and he’s like
i challenged him i
guess by saying that
and immediately
turns around but he’s got like four friends with him
all twenty years old
and my wife is like
rick what you’re such a dick for
responding to that
and i’m like well
how can i not i mean the kids
twenty years old i’m
forty just you don’t
treat people like that
you know in
the world but you
gotta you gotta recognize
i understand that but you got to recognize that
these kids a lot of them have nothing to lose
and their reputation means too much totally
the reputation means
anything so if you not around kids like that if you
if you challenge a kid like that like he a lot of in la
i didn’t consciously though do it was
just to respond
course man i’m the
worst i’m captain caveman
when i get any
issue like that i have to fight off
every that’s my
biggest weakness
that’s my biggest
weakness actually is natural it’s just it’s
not reacting
instead of like
responding yeah
legally it’s not an
issue i don’t
think because he’s fucking with you
you know he’s
starting with you and fucking but that’s not the
issue but the
issue is your health and
safety yeah
they could stab
you or hurt
you in situations
it doesn’t matter
for sure for sure really not even
jiu jitsu because you don’t want to grapple
with a guy like that
you want to fucking one tomb you want to
put bank yeah put him to
sleep and then charge at the next guy
and just let him know this is how
quick i can put this dude to sleep
i’m gonna get you next yeah
because that’s the last
thing anybody wants is one dude
knocking out everybody
so when they when
if you have
to attack somebody you’re better off way better off
learning how to
strike you don’t
wanna like go yeah
watch me pull
guard bitch
on your back the other
three dudes are fucking soccer kicking you in the dick
you know it’s not the best
thing to learn
some crap if there’s a
bunch of people the best
thing to have is fast fucking hands
they’d be able to just
light somebody up just pop bank
cause if you want to somebody
especially in the street
especially if they don’t know how to
fight when that
punch actually lands pop bam and
their eyes roll back in their head
they’re not even
gonna expect a that you’re
gonna be able to hit them that hard b
they’re gonna be able to do it that quick
like most dudes have
never really boxed they’ve
never really been punched
know so if you can just find one dude and pop
bank just put
that dude to
sleep the other guy’s
gonna go oh fuck this
right and you
can get him to scatter but if you try to do some
jiu jitsu they
should have a
movie like the karate
kid but for
jiu jitsu like the
jiu jitsu kid
where the guy’s just really good at
jiu jitsu like this little kid
could make it more like a
cause jiu jitsu
well jujutsu
and martial art it’s kind of weird
it’s a real
the jujutsu is a real
martial art in the
sense that you can
defeat a much bigger
stronger more
athletic person it’s very hard to do that with striking
but you can it can be done if a guy’s an
elite striker and he’s facing a guy who’s not an
elite striker that’s much like dan henderson
right elite
striker dan henderson is really a
wrestler he’s a very
powerful striker
but he’s not in the line of saying anderson
silva anderson
silva is like an
elite striker
he’s a guy who
really knows
the intricacies
of the stand up game
dan henderson does as well
but you know he’s more
known as a wrestler because
i saw him take out that british guy with one punch
oh yeah well he can
knock anybody out
with one big
spin yeah he’s got
super power in his hands
he can knock anybody he
knocked out vandal
silva with one punch
he’s knocked out a lot of guys with one punch
you know but he’s not
known as a striker
right he’s not
known as like you know a technical
strike what
about chuck
liddell yes he’s not
a striker he’s a
striker is he
fighting again
i don’t know i don’t know i
think he has maybe
you think so yeah yeah maybe
you know it’s
your time becomes up
when it’s up it’s up
you know and
he had one of the
greatest careers of all time
you know i just
think it’s think at a certain
point in time you have to be concerned
about your health
you know you have to be concerned
about how many
knockouts you take and
concern about your
future you have this fucking incredible amazing career
the problem
is you know you have that kind of fire burning
inside you it’s very difficult to turn that shit off
you know very
very very very very difficult to turn that shit off
those guys like you know they’re nuts
their whole fucking
system is wired for competition
whole system is
wired for combat
for the moment for getting to that cage
under the bright
lights and performing
you know their whole
self esteem is
based on you know
their ability to rise to a
place that most men can ever get to
you think they
could transfer that easily there like
start playing a
video games or
start doing something else
i don’t think
listen man i don’t
think as we
as civilians
could ever possibly
understand the highs
it must be when
chuck liddell
fucking throws his arm back and
pushes his chest out and
screams ah after he
knocks people out
like after he
knocked randy kotor
out i mean randy kotor’s one of the baddest
motherfuckers on the planet and he connects
bam and randy goes down and
that high is probably cocaine
times a billion
you know yeah it’s probably insane it’s probably
he probably
never feels more
alive he probably
never feels more
energetic more
you know fulfilled
this incredible
eight week training camp
every day waking
up for this one moment and finally it comes
against one of the baddest
motherfuckers on the planet
in front of 16 000 people in a fucking
arena and everybody’s
going crazy
and your punch connect yeah
they live for that yeah they live for it the iceman
the cow goes nutty and they
strap the belt on them
and then they ask
them you know so what’s next anybody i don’t care i’ll
fight anybody i’ll
fight anybody in the
world i like to fight
it’s hard to step down from that i
think i think that’s a
that’s a well
it’s probably a high like you have in comedy
no not even
close no comedies
more just fun we’re having a good time but aren’t
you as nice as
yes you sure
you have fun it’s a different kind of high though
it’s it’s it’s not nearly as
is crazy it’s not nearly as primal
it’s more fun
enjoyable everybody having a positive
experience together we’re all
partying we’re all having
a good time you know i’m telling you some comedy you’re
laughing we’re
enjoying our time together it’s all fun
fighting is much more
you trying to master something
it just so happens there’s an audience there
watching it but it’s
a totally different
experience very inward
you trying to overcome some guys physical strengths and
pose your will on them and
pose your conditioning and your preparation on them
way crazy different way crazier
comedy is like
everyday normal bullshit
like to me i can go on
stage right now if there was an open mic
right next door
and then you know
while we’re doing the podcast someone said hey joe you
wanna do ten minutes like
yeah yeah i’ll go up come on i’ll go up
i’ll just go up and
start fucking what’s up what’s up what’s
going on i’ll just
start doing
stand up just
going into my act
i couldn’t go
fight you know
couldn’t say hey do you want a cage
fight in ten minutes
right i’d be like no i need like ten months and
i got to talk to my mom
fucking get a
nutritionist man i got to make
sure my strength and conditioning programs in order
fuck who am i
fighting is you a striker
wrestler i got to
prepare my you know what am i
strategy i want to fight a
striker how i get fucked up
you know you
are you way
scarier where you
gonna fight no no why not
because it’s not healthy
yeah because i
you must i love you must want to
fight you must want to
fight to do it
i did a lot of competition martial arts competition was
young where i
enjoyed it but i got out of it without any
complications physically
because of injuries or
knockouts or anything like that
but i knew people who did
i knew people had complications
i knew people who had
brain damage for sure from boxing
it’s compromised
how they talk it’s compromised
how they can
think and make reason
reasonable decisions
i’ve met people like that
i don’t think there’s anything
wrong with fighting i don’t
think we’re not
going to live forever and i
think every man
should be allowed to make his own decisions as
to what he wants to do and how long he wants to compete
how many knockouts
he wants to take and how much risk he wants
to put his body it’s up to you it’s your choice why
is it that you can go and do
motorcycle riding
you can run
between the fucking lanes and traffic and that’s okay
but you know you can’t
a guy can’t get
knocked out more than
three times you can do whatever the fuck you want
but for me i think
i think if you were
going to put yourself at risk there
should be an end
point to it
and to me it’s like what am i
going to do i want to be the best guy in the
world no am i
gonna win a couple of fights
what’s that
gonna prove you know well you know
the thrill of competition yeah
and maybe getting your fucking face broken
again maybe
getting i’ve had my nose
fixed recently
it’s fucking awesome i love having my nose
again yeah it’s
great my whole life i have fucked up jammed up nose i
broke my nose
falling down a flight of
stairs when i was five
and then i’ve been kicked and
punched in the face
i don’t know how many times my
whole life so it was all fucked but it’s cool
you don’t have anything to prove
you don’t need to
because you are
tough but that’s
silly there’s a lot of that
out there that can kick my ass
the needing to
prove thing it
should all be you know
no one should need to
prove anything and if you do need to
prove something to you
you just find out more
about yourself
you know when you need to
prove something
like there’s guys out there that are trying to
start fights or guys that are you know
that have a chip on their
shoulder what they need to do is
get more positive
experiences in
their life get more things
where they’ve accomplished
their emotions
they’ve conquered
their emotions and
a goal that seemed really difficult to do and they
understand more
about themselves
and that’s one of the
things about like mma
fighters like some of the best guys in the
world they’re
super friendly
george st pierre
is one of the nicest people i have ever met in my life
and he’s one of the baddest
pound for pound on the planet insane he’s so kind
and so friendly and genuine
and the reason is he
doesn’t have anything to
prove to anybody he
proves it to himself
in competition he
proves it to himself in
training he
proves it to himself with discipline
forcing himself to do the hard work to become
great and he is
great and recognizes great
so because of that he’s like balanced and he’s like
super healthy
super calm person to be around
a couple years ago i
watched him
fight against that brazilian guy
and it was a
great fight
tiago silva
and i think
it was alves
rather excuse me
yeah and it was a tie
striker yeah and that guy was
strong oh yeah
and he couldn’t
send him a monster
saint pierre couldn’t
submit him knows a
yeah went the distance yeah alvez is he’s a
beast but he has a problem
making weight didn’t make way for his last
fight again
rematch with john fitch
and he didn’t look that good physically he looked like
he looked like he was a little
hurt by the weight cut because he’s so big
in real life he’s supposed to
fight at 170
but he walks around over 200
oh my god so
he’s cutting he’s dehydrating himself like 30 pounds
and then trying to replenish himself
and it just
there’s gonna be a
point of point of
diminishing returns
where you cut
so much weight and you dehydrate yourself so much
that your performance
is gonna suffer yeah
he’s just so big
he was giant
these guys are
giant for 170
they’re gigantic
he’s a fucking bull of a man
you know he’s just got to lose some
weight he’s got to lose some muscle she got too much
what’s so funny
he’s a bull of a man that’s what he is that’s bull
he is a bull
what would you call the raw
power what would you call
i’m very nice gentleman
a nice gentleman
yeah he’s a nice gentleman
of flavor of muscles i saw this
picture of a chimp
carrying fruit it was an old female chimp
and she had
fruit in her hands and
fruit in her feet
and she’s like
carrying like these
things and she’s like flexing
and i looked at him like holy fuck
have you ever seen like a full
grown male chimpanzee or female chimpanzee
full grown how big
their fucking arms are
holy shit that’s
scary is muscle
gigantic her arms were gigantic
and they’re that
crazy sinewy
chimp muscle too
which is nothing like
human muscle
it’s a fucking trippy
photograph when you realize that chimp
could just beat the fuck out of you
remember that anytime she wants it
ate that girl’s face off
that was brutal
talk about chimps
every week my friend
went to sturges this
motorcycle rally joe
the whole time she’s there
at i think like
four or five people died
within like two days and the guys the people at the
thing say you know this happens
every year people die
like almost every day
and the last day she was there
this guy was
doing where they
rev up the engines really fast or whatever it’s called
i forget what
it’s called but it’s like they’re just revving up
their engines really fast
something happened and his
motorcycle blew up
and he got decapitated something flew out of his engine
oh shit son
and you know what i’m
thinking this is how dangerous
are fucking how many people die at this like
motorcycle thing but yet there was a car show
for you know
every day for
the last 50 years in burbank and no one’s ever
had a car well the thing
about those
motorcycle shows is that a lot of
those dudes they get
crazy and they want to show off for each
other right
start they start
standing on
their bikes you ever seen guys surf with
their motorcycle
yeah there was this old dude who’s a
motorcycle maker
i forget his name he’s a
famous guy but he was
famous for being able
to ride his
motorcycle like a surfboard
so he’d get that
bitch on the highway
leveled out
straight it out and then
stand on top of it and he was fucking
standing it and
his feet fell
oh he fell and that’s a wrap son
it was like cod
you deserve what you get when you’re doing that well
no helmet too
oh no helmet
excuse me so
stupid so he’s just
living out there on the edge and he just lost it and
maybe that’s the way he wanted to go you know who knows
i mean everybody kind of
recognized it
people didn’t make fun of him and say oh you fucking
idiot that’s what you deserved
everybody said hey died doing what he loved
i guess okay
i mean what you know really realistically what are you
gonna live forever i think
there’s news why not
cycles that look like
snowmobiles yeah
crazy look what is it one
one in the rear and two in the
front is that yeah
yeah something like yeah
yeah it’s so
weird looking it looks like a
snowman we’ve seen
that i’ve seen that supposed to be wicked fast yeah
yeah you see that
ariel adam ever seen that
thing mm hmm
it’s like a car you ever seen