Joe sits down with Tom Segura.

we could go now
but unless you want me to do the audio or that video
first things i take it no i was just do it
just fire it up you got it on your string yes
ladies and gentlemen we’re here
are we here
see if this fuck
i see it ma’am
i can hear the sound yeah i really pick up this the sound works
what’s it on right now
lazy gem
we are not a smooth operation
this is my friend thompsgura fairly flying talented comedian
with drinking coffee we just ate some disgusting food
i had a big fed italian sub that’s terrible for you
but it tastes good shit
a too fast when we knew we had to do this
so we got lunch and then we came down and
you don’t want to hear about our fucking food
you don’t care
oh i’m echoing
turn my volume down like i said
we in a smooth operation
ladies and gentlemen
what’s going on freaks
how the fuck are you all out there
you stream land
times a girl would you do this weekend
what do i do
times grew a hilarious stand up kiridion
if you haven’t seen him before
tom and i met when
i was first doing the
maxim tour with charlie murphy and john heffron
we did this tour
and everywhere we had a different guy open up for us
you know
most of them were guys that were just starting out
or guys that hadn’t been doing it that long
it was like a cool little thing for them to get up and
do some stand up
or it was like the local funny guy there’s like
in a couple times like chicago
there was like some local guys that went out there were really
funny a couple of the places but
tom was the funniest
at all of them
he was the funniest when we were in phoenix and he went up
he’s fucking hilarious i was like god damn this dude is really
funny like this is some funny shit it was like
it was mean spirited but smart and
very good stuff man
and so we’ve been pals thanks man ever since
tom sagura very talented comedian
just you know for comedians
there’s a lot of comedians that are really funny
but you don’t know who they are
and it’s a weird thing
it’s like to be really good as a comedian is almost like
sometimes it’s like the exact opposite mindset to be good at
promoting yourself you know
don’t you think yeah
man there’s like the two extremes
exist right yeah
the guy there’s some guys
i don’t know i just
i don’t feel like i feel like you’re supposed to be
not just focusing on your stand up
but on how to be a great marketing guy yeah
it’s hard to do it’s not my mindset you know
and there’s guys that are
like dan cooks the master at it for sure yeah
but there’s guys that are pretty goddamn good at it you know
that really
are good about
promoting themselves and some of them have a great five minutes
but god damn they can fill up places
you know it’s an art in and of itself it really is
it’s definitely something to be respected
you know i’m always amazed when i find out like
certain guys are like selling
you know ten thousand seed places and you’re like whoa
really holy shit how do i do that
that’s incredible ten thousand people come to see you cool
but is that kenepiary result of doing a
great promoting you think well yeah
it’s definitely a result of great you have to have something
there has to be a product and there has to be great promoting
but i think the very same mindset that makes you
like the really the
really good comics like
guys like david tell
they’re not the best at promoting themselves you know
like these are louis c k
i mean louis c k is a great
professional comic a great writer but like
he just deleted his myspace and deleted his facebook
and they want to deal with anymore so
he’ll still use twitter
just because he felt like it was too much and
it’s like it’s almost like
to be great creatively it’s almost like you can’t really
you know it’s something
it’s almost like they don’t they don’t work together
like you have to re learn it as a comic
like i think you have
to like accept that this is a part of the job
i mean you can’t think of it it like
you know like something you don’t you know you do
or you don’t do
it’s no big deal you have to think of it this is like
an integral part of your job yeah
and it’s hard to but it’s the thing is like it’s hard to
like richard prior being like you gotta come to michael and
tell your friends
you know you don’t picture him
like you just know
like you when you get into combo you don’t like think oh
and then i’ll
recruit people that come to the show you just go
i’ll just work i’ll just try to do this well
and i’ll never actually never even occurs do you think about it
because before you know
you think that every
like club manager is just like
what i do is i make people come here right
right right
like you’re part of the equation too
and it’s a weird thing because now
like with the internet like you have more access to people
than ever before
but it seems like
less and less comedians are like popping up than ever before
too that’s kind of weird
you would think that with
the internet there’d be more new comics that you hear about
how often you hear about some
guy that someone tells you about it’s really funny
and you go to see his clips and they’re really
funny it’s not that often right
you know it’s like
think about how many good movies come out of here
i think about like how many you know tv shows are excited about
and then think about how many comics that you see
you know
it’s such a weird path
you know it’s like no one ever
no one who’s smarter and more
more balanced than a comedian
ever step back
and like looked at the whole process and said listen
you know this is
this is how it should all be done this is how you should go from
you know doing open
mike nights to being a professional
to you know to plotting out your career no
no one ever does not
and that this i got no one does
but this is fat that you’re making me think of something
i have to ask you
do you think that
i’m thinking about like who’s regarded as like great
i’m like how there’s not really
you don’t hear about that many new things
coming up
as far as comics go
do you think there is an age
that somebody like you have to be
to really be
like considered super funny like i’m saying a stand up
is there a cut off age like
because really
like gray comics don’t exist
under a certain age do you think um
yeah i would never say absolutely
because i think that if there can be prodigies and music
and there can be people that are born with the right
neurofrequency to make them like
mathematical geniuses when the children and chest geniuses
i think all that shit is
that’s possible that someone could be like that with comedy too
there could be some smartass kid
who’s like eighteen years old is funnier than everybody else
and just yeah just a bud genius you listen memoring things
though too like just having
you know such a huge memory yes
there’s a certain amount of
most certainly a certain amount of what comedy is is
the more experiences you have the more
information you can draw from
and so when you’re older
your comedy makes more sense it’s more
it’s more complex cause you’re more complex
you’ve looked at the puzzle a little bit longer
than the young kids but
some of the best comedy is not
like that some of the best comedy is silly
you know like look at brian regan’s comedy
that’s some silly shit man but it’s hilarious
he’s like brian rig is like one of the only dudes
that figured out a way to be hilarious for everybody
he’s hilarious like
if you don’t think that guy’s funny like you’re being
you know you’re not in a good mood you know
like he’s saying much
fucking silly shit and it’s like really well delivered
but you could take your grandmother to go see brian reagan
and i kid you could think it’s amazing he figured something out
it’s just him though you know i’m saying like that’s who he is
and if you’re some kid
just some super genius twenty year old kid
who’s to say that
you can’t be hilarious who’s to say you can’t be like a real
you know headliner that i would pay for
i mean i look back
and like when i was twenty one doing stand up
i would like to go back to all those people
and give them their money back
i would like to go out i am so sorry
you had to sit through all that shit
you know i would love to go back to people
that saw me when i was like twenty two
and apologized
i am so sorry but you helped me so much i know it was atrocious
to get through
they’re paying for you to go through college kind of you’re that
if you’re a paid comedian and you really have only
been doing it for like two years and
you’re twenty two years old
god damn your material is gonna be dog shit
you know i mean i had some stuff actually
by the second year i had some stuff
that was
pretty good it’s like good blow job jokes and stuff like that
ones that i could still throw out today if i’m in a hole
at one thirty five in the morning
you know
i need a bit to
settle into what we’re talking about
it’s possible though right i think
some young kid could be amazing
i choked fucked up bro
yeah i guess it’s possible it’s like
do you how often do you find yourself stopping to watch
like a twenty five year old
or something
if it is a twenty five year old it’s a black one
you know if someone tells me
there’s some white kid that’s in here
i’m like how was he twenty five
has he done heroin
you know see that’s what
i’m saying i want to see something that interesting yeah
you gotta tell me what happened to him
was he kidnapped molested
did he graduate harvard early
yes yes to all these okay
all right let’s see what you have to stay
how much
of your early stuff you thought was good though like yeah
when you hit twenty minutes you’re like
i’ve got a great twenty minutes there was
a point in time where i was way ahead of myself
i thought it was much better than i was
and there’s also a point when you realize
that a lot of what you’re doing
with me i realized a lot of what i was doing was just
doing tricks i
had not relaxed enough to let out my own sense of humor
all i was doing was like trying to calculate
how to trick them into laughing
i hadn’t really figured out what was funny
i was coming from a real weird place
i was coming from a place of
what’s the matter
way up yep
did you tweet it as me too yeah
what is it you put it on twitter it’s on your flare right in
okay so we’re on right now yeah on right now
ladies and gentlemen obviously the new world order does not
want us talking about stand up comedy
it’s a very dangerous subject
and the information that we have leaked in this broadcast
this confidential information
may be bad for america we’re back
i don’t know what the fuck happened we got forced off
forced off the air you know
because we’re given out secret information about the government
government came through
they called
tommy what’s your take on conspiracies
any crazy conspiracies that you believe in
is there anything
you believe in the people go what the fuck is wrong with you
tommy yeah like i’ll be like
money makes you happy wow
what a bunch of bullshit that is
i’m not rich and i’m fucking
the happiest guy you’ll ever meet in your life
it’s a very happy guy yeah but i think
you know george carlin
did an interview
where he was talking about the key to happiness is
find something that you love to do
do it well
and have people recognize it for it you know and
it was a pretty interesting interview
because it was dead on the money
you know
i mean that’s that is really like the key to happiness like
even if you
even if you’re making really good money
doing something you don’t like to do it’s not fun
you know i mean
even if you’re making great money like as
a stockbroker or banker
that shit eats away at your fucking soul
nobody wants to be doing that
you can never be thrilled to do that
yeah yeah no there’s like there
i mean there are serial killers who really
enjoy doing that you know i’m not supposedly right yeah so
but who knows what the fuck that is but you know it’s like
to really be happy you know
the real problem is
not everyone can fucking do what they want to do
we’d have a whole world full of air force fighter
jet pilots martial arts fighters
and you know and billionaires and you know what i’m saying yeah
there’s gonna have to be regular folks too
is going to have to be people that abandon those ideas or
families more important than them
or some are incapable either yeah
there’s good that too
but that’s the thing that people don’t want to
look at like
is if there’s like real inherent potential in people
everyone wants to think that everybody’s equal
but there’s not true
i’m very dumb when it comes to math
like my brain it’s like never i never pay attention
in high school
and when people start talking math
i have like a block my brain just glosses the same way yeah
if you know i think part of it’s even self imposed right like
we’re not as bad at math as we think we are
but because
the whole everything that we think of with math is scary we just
you actually try less in math because
you’re already scared of it you know i mean like yeah yes
i tell you every level of math yeah me too
and you know what the funny thing is almost everybody i know
that’s a really good comic because the same problem
bad matthew yeah
i don’t know any comics like math geniuses
it’s like a different mindset you know
yeah i think it is that’s just guessing though you know
because my friend i had a friend
my friend johnny b was a pool player
that guy easily could have been a stand up comedian
he just nobody talked to him
you know there’s a bunch of guys that i’ve met in my life
that could have really
eddie bravo
eddie bravo could have easily been a stand up comedian
there’s a bunch of dudes that are just
real good storytellers
they just know how to make everybody laugh
and all they were
missing was someone talking them into going on stage yeah
there’s so many guys like that
but that guy was a mathematical genius
and he
was a pool player like a professional hustler
and he was he was so good at math you could like
just yell numbers out
like yell three nine two minus five divided by four
times a hundred you go two two
two twenty six we just
have the number
that really freaks me out
it was crazy he could do it he could do with everything
we would sit there
with a calculator and we would fuck with them
and he was
i mean that’s one of the reasons why i so good at pool he was
he was amazing
at judging angles like he could see it geometrically
he would see a pool table
he would see the paths you know
and that’s another mathematical thing
are a lot of good pool players good
met there’s a bunch of guys who are kitchens yeah
the guys who have like a real natural talent for it like
as good as i ever play pool when i was playing pool
like eight ten hours a day
i was always never near as good as like a really good guys
and my friend johnny was like as good as like when he was on
he could play as good as anybody have ever seen really yeah
it’s a talent you know
there’s a certain amount of it is hard work and dedication
but there’s a certain there’s
every now and then whether it’s in music or in you know
in you know sports every now and then there’s hard work
comes along and
runs into a talent
you know when you see someone who’s got something
just some
natural incredible gift and on top of that they work
hard with it you know
that’s that’s like the type of shit that’s the real
amazing thing yeah
somebody is that talented and they’re still working really hard
yeah like fighters like bjpen is a perfect example
that here’s a guy who was super hyper talented
but his big problem was
he’d ever really trained like the most obsessed guys
do i mean he trained hard
no doubt about it but there’s a certain level of fitness
these fucking crazy monsters
these george ap errors
these savages they’re on this insanely high level of fitness
and you know and finally
bj is training just like those guys are now so now
it’s incredible
and you see guy with
talent and on top of the talent now you have dedication
according to it it’s amazing too if you look at like
of all sports and others at least a couple guys in every sport
that some of them
were known for not working hard yeah
but they were so yeah like someone
i think tell me what everybody knows guys like pete sampers
and everybody knows pete sampras
mm hmm like apparently i think it’s him like
if it’s not i’m sorry but i think it’s pete
like they said like didn’t really train
and the guy had like every
grand slam tied that’s incredible he was basically unbeatable
for a stretch of years
he married a chick that i did a pilot for a tv show with
i wish i could remember her name she was super cool
she was an adam sandra
bridget wilson i think this was up no
i thought deck i can’t remember her name she was very nice
though yeah
that guy was a super tennis player and he didn’t train
i think they said that like
it’s not that he didn’t train it’s just like
not a hard work
isn’t it funny like that
black women have made his tenants with the william sisters
when we guys see like yolked up running back
looking tennis players you know
dudes like herschel walker type tennis player who just for bam
just fuck that ball up
you know i mean like those guys are coming
i mean all they have to do is like get into tennis and
all these white guys are fucked
you know i mean that’s just that’s just how it’s gonna go down
if eddie if ever there’s like
a path for inner city school kids to get good to tennis oh
the only reason tennis is a rich person sport man
who the fuck is playing tennis
where is the tennis court right
you know if you go
to tennis court
in the bad neighborhood that’s where people fight
you know i mean it’s not you know
you get black kids really into tennis holy shit it’s over
it’s over it’s a rap it’s a rap
what are you gonna move faster than them
you know what
i wonder why it hasn’t happened for real though i don’t
know it’s funny for somehow another
that’s perceived as being racist
but when you talk about black athletes
like the black athletes are some of the best in all sports
there’s great white athletes there’s greatly george cp air
and you know broccolizer
there’s freak athletes athletes are white too
but man there’s a lot of great black ones holy shit
bobby buckeye says when venus and serena have kids god
venus and serena what kind of imagine
if venus and serena had kids with bobby lashley
you know bobby lashley is
he’s just super yolked up wrestler dude who
is fighting mixed martial arts now
he looks like
looks like like
a like one of those little
he man action figures doesn’t even like a real human
he’s just fucking super yolked
and smashing dudes just
picking him up slamming them in their backs he’s
super powerful wrestler
him and serena williams oh my god
i think it’s even crazier when people say it’s like
that blacks aren’t great athletes yeah that would be
that’s well this guy
i have a little twitter conversation back and forth this dude
last night he said that me and goldberg
ovaries refer to black people as explosive and athletic
when they’re describing a black fighter
and that you know that could be perceived as racist
because you’re not
counting into fact that they’re very technical
as well
that’s bullshit you know
we always count
into effect
whether a guys are technical like when you look at a guy like
phil davis is this wrestler just fought in the last cfc
wasn’t just explosive than athletic he’s like a high level
wrestler you know
his technique was outstanding and the way he took these guys
down was like almost effortless
you know he’s so good at wrestling
and the guy i fought this guy brian stan
had a good take down defense but this dude is so
all around so good
how could you not say he’s explosive and that’s like
that’s ridiculous that is exactly what he is and they want you
it’s not that he’s not technical too but
come on man that guy has some freak gifts
his legs are like fucking ten feet long
they look like like
almost like an antelope’s legs
you know i’m saying like he looks like he could
when he was out there
standing in front of the dude
i’m like he looks like he could jump over him
he looks so powerful
you know and like brock lesters another one
that’s a perfect example of a white guy
how can you not say
that guy is like athletic how can you not say he’s explosive
he’s and he’s white and he’s just a fucking giant
viking dude you know
he’s got viking genetics or some shit in him you know
i’m saying he’s an animal fuck yeah
i mean that’s just that’s just real
like that’s like
the most savage that america’s capable of producing
that’s if you’re american
power genetic right there you know i’m saying like you get
a lot of like especially like
with slavery in america i mean so many
i mean it’s like
something that you’re not supposed to talk
about for whatever reason
but it’s a known fact
that slaves would breed
the biggest males of the biggest females
and i mean how many
african americans in this country come from slavery like
god damn
it’s a real it’s a real obvious thing that’s the reason
why there’s so many
really powerful strong ones it’s almost like genetic engineer
it’s absurd to not recognize
that there are more
explosive athletic but that’s a good
thing like how could that possibly be
but how could that possibly be like
negative like you’re in some ways
people are saying like well
you’re making excuses for them you’re saying
they’re better than people because
of that and it’s not because of technique but that’s just you
you’re putting that in your own head
i would never say that
you know and there are guys that are explosive that aren’t that
technical but you know
that’s just because
that’s how they are and there’s guys that are you know
it’s like you gotta be honest about
when it comes to sports and anything like
everyone’s so touchy feely with this whole black white issue
you know we’re all human beings folks but it’s it’s very obvious
that chinese guys don’t have bigger dicks than black guys
i mean everybody fucking knows it
you couldn’t argue it in court yeah you know
if you
if you pulled out all the black dicks and all the chinese dicks
it would be a simple i would bet every fucking dollar i have
that the black guys would win right
they would be
the white the chinese dicks would be crying every now
and then you think
you got a big dick
until you tune into u porn
and there’s some dude
and i’m not talking fake rubber dicks brian
i know what you thinking
i’m talking real dicks
there’s dudes with real dicks that look like fucking arms
like mandingo yeah
they’re real dicks
they aren’t holding on to it
it’s not strapped on their balls are shaved
this is his real giant dick and he’s fucking the shit that is
poor little white runaway
and this girl with a bad tattoo in her ass and
that’s intimidating from mandingo’s dick actually looks like
a weapon that he could use like in a fight or like
to get you like
give him money like
that guy’s dead it looks like it
looks like a fist have you seen lexington steel oh yeah
this is joked up black dude
you guys got a dick like fourteen inches wrong i just did
we’re talking reality here people
do you see what’s taken over twitter
the new thing no
i was just gonna
talk about john holmes’s dick though it’s very important
the last big white guy with a big dick was
john holmes known for his big dick
who else has been known for
a big giant not like pretty much yeah
it’s not the same
he’s got a big dick
but it’s not ridiculous john holmes was a monster
it was a snake
but the dude could never get fully hard right
it was always like cause all
it was all jacked up on whatever
the fuck he was doing at the time
jeremy that movie that where val killer played him
pretty interesting little bit yeah the guy was a mess
but it was never like a
never like a weapon you know yeah
i know these things look whatever
look black guys
you can run faster and jump higher
and you have bigger scarier dicks
that’s a fact i mean it’s
to say it to act like it’s not true
and those dicks are terrifying
it’s a stereotype tom stereotype yeah
you shouldn’t support those stereotypes because there’s a lot of
black eyes out there with little dicks
and they don’t want to
get along with their woman
pull it out
and have all these higher sure it’s just not the color
like if it was the same black eye would be white
would it just be that creepy river dick
it wouldn’t even be big it would just be a creepy river dick
creepy river what river
what crazy talk what is that
i don’t know i’ve never heard they got too high
i’m gonna have to show this camera off
the settings here did you see the new thing
that it’s taking over twitter
no the google buzz have you been kind of a tester of that yet
no what is that it’s pretty much google’s taking twitter
and embedding it into gmail jesus fucking christ savages yeah
i just started oh my god
it never ends it’s gonna take over twitter god damn it
i was hoping that twitter would be it
i would hope i would hope we could stop but you know what
here’s the thing man google’s taken over the universe
they’re they’re they’re
gonna be internet service providers now
google’s gonna
install their own pipes and neighborhoods
these gigantic fucking
one gigabyte pipes these fiber optics that like get you
you can download porn on the moon
and like you know fractions of a second
they’re doing some nutty shit man they own everything
man google maps
google voicemail google male google everything
it takes over it’s crazy the takeovers begun
could you imagine if we
find out one day that what google was was
everybody was saying well
if there is artificial intelligence
you know
when artificial intelligence eventually manifests itself like
will it even let itself be known
or will people just go about their lives not
knowing that artificial intelligence is alive and conscious
and while our artificial intelligence is trying to plot
what to do and how to take over the situation
well if computers were intelligent
wouldn’t they start up
a company that would just buy up everything
and own own you
have your accounts where you do
your you can do
google purchases we buy things with
a google account and you got google male
google maps shows where you fucking live
you know you got google everything
in your google voicemail
it’s documenting everything that you say it’s making like little
transcriptions of every voicemail that gets left on you what do
you hear that
google is going to try to do their maps
but inside of buildings that’s for next thing
so like if you’re like
i want to know where that pot store is oh
there it is i want to see what it looks like inside
and you just walk through the store and they just announced
a couple days ago that
they have all these ski
thing so now you can go
down ski mountains
on google maps it’s already on google mounts right now gt gt yes
you can go to any google
was really artificial intelligence
slowly consuming society
well the people
at the very top like no one’s met the boss you know it’s had
like the boss is fucking
pay no attention to the man behind the curtain you know
it’s a fucking computer man
could you imagine
this is the bad guy from inspector gadget with a cat like
how does it work
what would you think would happen
if there was a moment where artificial intelligence
became independent
they were able
to operate and sustain themselves without any human
action they had a
system setup of checks and balances
where they could always make sure that they would stay awake
they would always make sure the power was on
they had robusts that they were controlling that could
manipulate everything and do what they wanted them to do
at that point time will when do we find out
how because that’s gonna happen right i mean
if it’s possible already happen
it’s gonna happen
if it hasn’t happened if
you know with moore’s lawn with you know
the exponential increase in you know accelerating increase in
complexity when it comes to technology
it’s gonna it’s not gonna stop right here it’s gonna keep going
it’s gonna keep going in the same direction
that’s going right now
will we be enslaved at that point though oh
don’t do that to my cat
she gets she freaks out when people like like
do weird shit with her like holder in front of things
and she’ll go pee somewhere
all right right right they can’t do that right
she loves attention but
if you fuck with her she’ll shit in your bag
she loves me
do you think that like
it’ll be well
we all be google slaves of
i’m wondering on the man
google’s gonna take over the goddamn universe
how do you use by the way have you used the other
search engines google is skynet why don’t they just change it
i’ve been actually trying to use bingles is it is it good
it’s alright it’s better than yahoo i mean who or who is yeah
what happened
how did google just become such
uber cyber pimps they had the basic color
graphic and that’s all it was
remember when you first went to you yeah
but that’s not why
they’re so successful why are they so successful
in hitting
all these major marvels it’s like they made a brand name
and then once they made that brand name
all the other
versions of what they do were diminished significantly like
i don’t know what the numbers are
it’s like yahoo searches to google searches
but everybody i talk to when you have a question
you go google that shit yeah you know hey
why is this guy red on certain nights when the sunsets
let’s google that shit bam
you know what is that
oh well
that’s the moisture in the air combined with you know the
rotation of the earth and you’re only getting the corona whoa
whoa whoa
that’s fascinating shit man
we didn’t have that weird kids we were just stupid
this is a fantastic time to be alive that’s great
you can ask any question that thing right until google
fuck system the ass
right until google shuts the whole system down takes over
i just really want the next big thing to be
everything you see is recorded
tight thing what
why do you want that brian
you’re freaked out there so many times where i’m just like
like i walked out the other night
and i saw a shooting star
and it was the biggest shooting star i ever saw
and i’m just like
fuck i wish i saw that
i could just show that to somebody else right
but then you would rewind it
and it would get to the part where you were beaten off
early that day
sorry i went too far
and you had two fingers up your butthole and you’re making
scissor motions of your figures and you’re beating it
i have my force to see that too
you think it’s going to be something
like where you’re going to put like these
contact lenses in
that are like
a computer or something that goes over your eyes
there’s going to be some sort of a neural interface
there’s going to be something
that connects people’s minds and the whole system of
recording and consciousness in your mind and connects that
directly to a computer
that’s what’s going to happen it’s
going to be you’re going to have a way to access
other databases and this is what
i think it’s probably
going to be it’s probably
going to be they’re going to come up with an artificial brain
they’re going to reproduce the human brain
and i mean once they get to the point
where they can do that once they get to the point
where they can
they can literally create or recreate a human mind
and and have all its functions mapped out and do it correctly
like that
that seems like nonsense but that shit’s just a matter of time
they’re going to be able to do that eventually
and when they do god damn
they will have
finally something
though that we’ve always wanted like flying cars for then
it’ll be crazier than that
it’ll be one they have an artificial brain
and they know exactly how the brain works
they know exactly how to interface with your brain
they mean it might be possible to interface with your brain
with a frequency that you could transmit through the air well
people have to do anything at that point
it might be like wi fi man
you might not have to do anything
like biologically to your brain
what i’m saying is they might figure out a way to tap
into the very fucking frequency that your brain operates under
you got mad ants it sounds like
what’s cause you need dirty bitch they hate you
i’m gonna kick your ass i do have ants i got ant problem
they’re like all over it it’s carpet yeah well
nobody gives a fuck about that out there in
eastern land pro it’s not fascinating
it’s gonna talk about ants for a while
so you know what is gonna happen that’s the big question
what the fuck is it gonna be what is what is gonna be this
this big change
that takes us from where we are today
i think it’s gonna be something
like that i think the next big jump is gonna be something
where we can directly access information
you know
like you know they maybe they can even try it in a town
you know and one town will volunteer for it
and the whole fucking town becomes telepathic
you know
like they have this frequency they can broadcast it like
like a wi fi type signal
and the wi fi type type signal is hooked to some sort of
some sort of a machine or something
that can take brainways and connect them and
what’s the word i’m looking for translate them
into binary code
into ones and zeros into the information from the internet
and then it can transmit it right back into brain waves
so you could access things
without doing anything
without having any chips in your brain
without having any wires if
they could get to the point
where they could figure out how to transmit something
that your brain could automatically and instantly produce
i think google goggles is a pretty good step to
being able to take a picture of anything
and it’s like google search for photos right
you could just walk around back what’s this bird right
brings you up everything about that bird right
i think that’s gonna be good too because
you have to have like competing companies doing all that shit
though right yeah
happy that we all get it from one sword right
that’s a problem yeah
google has a good reputation though right
i don’t know i think isn’t it but
it also is a really aggressive like company yeah well
obviously shit they’re taking over the goddamn war yeah exactly
i used to really like google
but now i’m getting kind of freaked out by him later really
it’s just about
the information that they have to growing in power you know tan
tan tan
i mean we’re pretty much trusting a website with a lot
of information
a lot almost everything
yeah yeah i mean they know where you live bro
they got a map of your fucking house
it’s really weird right
i have a phone in my pocket that has
me gps everywhere i am in the whole entire world
maybe google maybe google step one
and then you know
step two is you have to buy the certain cell phone
stick it up your ass and go back in time
it is the goddamned armination
i don’t even excited to watch loss i got that shit dvr
i’m not even excited to watch it
it wasn’t a good episode last week board the shit out of me man
last week it was like
we’re going back in time
oh and then the bomb and here we go oh look
they’re this crazy they’re in this time
but are they in that time or this time where are they right
this guy nick yusek said it fast the last episode the last
ninety seconds is all they needed for the whole episode
you know it seems to be like
i didn’t it was a brilliant show that is impossible to keep up
you know it’s impossible to keep people strung
along and fascinated for some of the years do you
but the same people are riding
at certain point time you don’t think the wells dry
no i thought it was dry like maybe the third season well
maybe they’re just setting a bunch of things up
and it’ll be worth it
in the future
i watched the whole first
three seasons whatever the hell it was
i watched them all on dvd so i watched them all in a row
which is awesome
no commercials
you watch two three in a row it’s fun that was great yeah
were you hooked for the first time you saw it
i actually caught up like he did
but i started like at season two
i just went author one
into i get hooked on shows man then i get bored like i
bounced our galactica i loved that show
that show was incredible
i couldn’t get in on that till the last season
the last season i was like oh
okay anymore you know it wasn’t that it was it was bad
it was just after a while it’s like los angeles
did i didn’t have enough invested in it
it’s like you’re if you’re building a show towards
a certain conclusion
you know and then they have a new conclusion all
send them around a planet
okay well
how’s this gonna work out after a while you just lose interest
yeah it’s like you’ve been dragged
the drama’s been dragged out of you
you know a series i think
it’s very difficult when there’s a quest
you know when there’s a quest to find like the new earth
you know it’s good to motivate you through a few episodes but
to keep that going like as a series and
stay interested i think that’s hard to do
i think there’s kind of something like
even though you’re not getting as much
there’s something great about
those series that make like a short season
like some of the hbo
ones you know
they don’t do like a twenty two episode thing right
and they can keep you if their season is
six twelve episodes
you can stay much more hooked
what they’re doing and it raises the quality of those
yeah you know but when you watch like a
a series
you know if you’re watching
like they have twenty two episode seasons
or sometimes more than that
like forty episode season yeah
for some shows
it’s hard to keep that compelling forty who has forty
i don’t know it’s half park maybe actually
yeah but like you know like when you watch did you watch
like the original
miss nine drama obviously but the original
office on hpo look for six episodes i never watched it
you watch what’s good i haven’t watched anyone he is fantastic
it’s really hard for me for whatever reason
to watch comedies like what especially when i’m on my own
like i’m watching with friends or you know
i don’t like sit down by myself and like when i watched a movie
they’re always almost
always monster movies
i’m always watching like
some werewolf movie or some even shitty ones
like i watched steven king’s nightflyer
the other night it’s a terrible vampire movie but i like it
it’s fun stupid yeah
i don’t watch comedies by myself that one was
given to me if i’m alone i’m watching documentaries or you know
or see it like that if i’m gonna watch something fiction
i want it to be completely stupid
i’ve given up on like you know
rt like you told me about the hurt locker yeah
yeah i could watch it no
no i keep like thinking about watching them like
don’t i mean no actually
just because i would like to see what you think about it i just
can’t believe
all these people are praising it the more movies freaking
it’s alright but it’s just like
people love it man
some people love it
people though that i saw pressure save the day yeah
i wasn’t it’s chicks hot right
she’s super hot
she’s super hot
she can wrestle and take some flag she’s
it’s the it’s just like just
the movies basically
oh this sucks back a lot
and then this looks and this sucks
and this sucks and then it ends with the worst thing ever
and you’re like cool this movie
i don’t like that feeling man you know people
tell you that you’re not
deep because you don’t enjoy being depressed you know
you don’t enjoy
i don’t want
to go somewhere if you’re gonna manipulate my feelings
and that’s all you’re really doing i mean are you
i guess some movies raise awareness for certain causes
and some movies make you think about things a little bit
different but i don’t need to be depressed all right
if i want to watch a documentary on something
i’ll watch it but if you’re gonna make some shit up
make it fun for me okay yeah yeah you know
i like i like fucking i
like vampires
i like
werewolves and shit i’m looking forward to benicio del toro
this weekend the wolfman yeah
and i’m looking forward to it i like i like shit that’s fun
you don’t have to depress me with child bullet station
and abuse and
i don’t like that they draw addiction
i don’t like the idea that we have to reward
that really does depress you just because it depressed you yeah
everyone go like this movie is awesome
it’ll depress the shit at you
and then when it does you have to go
you’re right that was awesome
why is that awesome
and yeah yeah what is that
what is that why are those the better ones
how come the ones that make you laugh are like oh
that’s no big deal it’s only making you laugh
but the ones that make you like feel like shit
like i remember i saw
twenty one grams we were talking about this ones
i saw twenty one grams this is a fucking movie where
at the end of the movie i’m like
i don’t want to go to one of these movies ever again
this movie made me feel like shit
was it well done yes
it was well done but why is seeing that good right
why is even i know that that shit happens in real life you know
i’ve watched documentaries
if that’s where i’m going to get my real life from
if i want to get a movie i don’t want to be depressed
i want to have some fun i go to movies i got a plenty of
things going on my own life you know
i want to escape i want to escape in a good way
i want to escape and have some fun sure
i want to escape and see some silly shit
you know i want to escape and see something
fun i don’t want to get depressed about heroin
annex and ugh i know
i know that’s real i don’t care
we can’t fix that five hundred days this summer was another
really popular movie
but it was just same thing it was not a plane yeah
it was like bummer after bummer after what is that chick movie
that is the number one movie here
john dear john from the
notebook maker yeah
that’s number one yeah
i heard it was just yeah
that’s a pretty goddamn good looking couple
those two should go right into porn why you fucking around
you know they should have a
that’s gonna be what happens one day
they’re gonna have two versions of the movie
they’re gonna have the cinematic version and the porn
someone’s gonna go crazy
and they’re gonna make like an avatar with porn
that’s gonna be an option
you can get this to family friendly g rated pg version
where there’s no fucking
or you you can get the full on xx
and then they’re not fucking like
just so that you could beat off
to it it’s not like you know like a bunch of scenes
like a compilation tape no
there’s a story
and then the story they fuck and you’re gonna get to see it
that’s gonna be possible
the first couple like these dear john couple
it’s gonna be some real
real attractive couple they’re gonna do it
they’re gonna make it lists it’s art
it’s the real i was living that life
he was my john he went away he came back we made love
i loved him i was in the role
and then they’re gonna have like
badass that’ll be a great fucking movie this happens
but the rest of it is like still a really good movie
three d sperm yeah
it’s gonna be a three d oh
shooting in you shoot it inside or if you love her bro
this is gonna make it rain no
no no dude
this is not a porno for you to jerk off to this is love
you fucking asshole
you ruin everything
yeah man ruin everything dude
talking about avatar porn the love version
how dare you brian how fuck it dare you that’s why i’d sit here
now let’s see if because i never go to these goddamn questions
let’s see if there’s another day this summer was good yeah
but it was also like the most depressing movie
like why are we watching this
what is five hundred
days of summer it’s some chick flake that i was forced to watch
shuffle store
three new playboys what coming actually
playboy’s not coming anywhere
i didn’t playboys about on the way out
just watching that playboy
reality show you could just tell they’re hurting for money
they have a show did you
hear there was a story in the paper about that that the
stockholders of mad
at mr hathuna
because mr halfnair apparently is
he doesn’t want
to sell the company and even though there’s been
some a couple of good offers to sell the company
he’s an accepted them and he just wants a
it was his life take it to the grave yeah and why shouldn’t
he why wouldn’t he do that he knows the end is near of course
he’s got a few years left
what is he doing he’s going out
having a good time
he’s like fred flintstone he’ll make your bedrock
why is it how dare you
how dare you that was terrible
i wish i had a rock
that was terrible
you know this that whole
hugh hefner thing is such a weird thing man
you know that one
one dude figured out a way how to make like pornography
really is i have to
show their pussies
show everything else don’t show don’t get crazy
you know have her bent over and you can see like a little lip
but nothing no finger spread
you know like you know both pussy shots
why can’t you show the pussy why can’t you show
i could grow the legs pulled back
like looking at shown input why is it okay
if i go only see part of it
you know is the inner part evil
like what do you hiding from me
just dangerous look at terra
reading that last up is the earth ship playboy
we got it dude
it was just like what it was avatar
no it was avatar
it wasn’t even her yeah i was like
airbrush boob dude it wasn’t even airbrushed it was avatar
but why would you pay money for that that’s what
i’m saying is why didn’t we pay money
why is that business it’s still in business well
we were stoned and we were at
the hotel and no
i’m saying what wood people buy because people are idiots oh
we threw a tooth
you have to see that table beat down with your toots
and they buy it
i mean or the articles
that’s the other argument is that they have good articles
but i don’t know if they have good articles
i think that’s a urban myth is it
well at one point in time
they had good articles i know that
because there was a book that i bought
a long time ago it was a bunch of interviews with
a playboy interviews
and it was really fascinating and one of them was sinatra
and i never realized sinatra
was so fucking smart
sinatra was really smart
and i found
out this from this book of playboy interviews
it was pretty fascinating
but it was more abrelate about what
sinatra had to say than it was about the
guy interviewing
i remember my first
dirty chip was from a playboy magazine in the seventies oh
your silly goes
what was it
why is it
why is it girls asshole and pussy so close together
so you can pick them up like a six pack
oh geez
that was in playboys
my eighteen seventy eight or smarty grass are ready to clean up
that’s painful i just think about fingernails
scraping inside of body parts and
that’s just rude
that shit is rude brian
how dare you wait so was terry nut naked in this
she was just basically naked
and she was like
she doesn’t have any
ass her ass was holding an expertection program
her ass was nowhere to be seen her ass
well except for that woman she’s sitting on the table
like trying to squish her
but to make sure she has an ass but i wasn’t buying it
it’s so funny that’s okay eddie bravo showed me that move well
that’s a fever’s move
when they don’t have an ass you gotta sit on the table yeah
we’re talking about that
yeah man i mean it’s like
you know a certain point of time
you know what are you really showing me
that’s not really a picture of someone
it’s not really what they look like
i see what she looks like that’s not what she looks like
why does she look like that scarface
is it like a knife is it really not
her body in the pose
i mean it’s her body but it’s so airbrushed
it’s crazy skin isn’t looking down it’s pores it’s not like
you know and
apparently look she got in shape and she got her act together
and that’s why she wanted to do this that’s what i heard
i totally understand that but you’re
who really wants to see that
who really wants to see
like fake stuff i would
rather see a girl who doesn’t look that hot
but she’s real i could see her skin that’s like hotter
you know a girl that even that isn’t in that good of shape but
she gave that a little roll of fat but you see her real skin
you know what i’m saying that’s hot
like that airbrush shit is not even a little
hot there’s nothing hot to it
you can’t you can’t get past the law you’re being told
it’s like the lies so great
that you looking at it you’re like what am i even
seeing i’m not even getting anything
from this you know it’s like it’s like fake fire
i don’t feel the heat there’s nothing there
you know i mean that’s what it’s like
it’s just they’re fucking much it
really does nothing for you too like when you see that
it just
loses its effect you know like saying the person
and it’s like how can playboys still be in visions also
because people look at that
and then we’ll see what this looks like
see what her photos look like no
look at it at the store i’m like ooooo
i’m not buying that
how hurry people still call you well
they have a big piece of plastic
around the magazine where you can’t do that
it won’t let you look at it
because if you look at it no
one’s gonna buy it there’s always one issue that’s okay
but i know there’s always one asshole like you
have you ever done that beyond no
i’ve never done that i’ve never done that
i think when i was a kid
i used to do it to take like a bonus video
game that they would put in
game game magazines
you know i never
i keep telling people
that i’m gonna answer their questions on my own form
and i never do
so i’m gonna go to that right now just to check it out
because every now and then so i
somebody will have a good question
you guys are going australia next week
do you like your
goat sea
flyer i made did you even notice there’s a goat sea on that fire
no i’m a crocotile dundee oh is it really
it goes
down and there’s little goat sea on the pot oh how dare you
okay a lot of these questions suck
no they don’t suck it’s just
a little too stoned would you ever desire to be a porn star
drill is why desire to be a porn star
steve us says no
i don’t want anybody looking at my penis
i get very insecure
i just i don’t want to think that you’re thinking about you
if the money was right would you ever do porn
nobody would want to see that
i would like to see it i mean i would do something to see
i wouldn’t charge you all right that’s a rap
ladies and gentlemen thanks
we had a good show
we gay with each other
have you brian
there was thought about it at once you know what
you thought about it
at one point well
what’s it like do that
yeah i met a lot of gay porn stars
i met a lot of dudes
i met a lot of dudes who
i held you i’ve ever met a gay porn storm when webcams first
started becoming big i had sex with this girl in a webcam
and this is before
like when it was brand new
and i had it i remember like forty years
what year it looks like a good one it’s like ninety
five ninety six
that’s what all these rooms were just
ninety five something like that ninety five nine
six really so it was like fifty six k
in you were streaming it wasn’t it was probably
faster than fifty six k
by then i think it was bribe like first bride man
like i remember having sex in with this girl
and i was more just so i could have how many people watched it
i think it was like fifty people in it
but i remember i was like doing the camera
i never thought like anyone would be able to record it
you never thought it would have gotten this
crazy like what that was back
then we had such a feeling of innocence back oh
yeah it was so innocent back then well
it was i never do it now just think about
just the feeling of connection
that you have with human beings now just because of twitter
just because it’s shit like you stream
just because it’s shit like this
the connection that we have now is nothing like it was back
it’s really hard to imagine that that was only
fourteen years ago it seems like it was like
that seems like a long jump in
human evolution as far as our culture our technology
it’s a pretty big goddamn jump yeah
you know
i’m this guy doing hever
to shit like this you could just do something like this
just put it on
this little social media site and all these people watch it and
people download it later
and watch it later yeah it’s incredible it
really is fucking nice
i still can’t get over that you had a webcam in ninety five
this is the original geek man
he’s old school
bro he’s old school
how big was a webcam that it was pretty big
it actually was a lie to tech and i think it was like
about this about that pig which is a huge tech eye yeah
yeah dude i had a t one line in my house in ninety eight
yeah i had to get a t one line installed in my house
but i needed fast
enough here’s how fat funny
they didn’t know
about technology when aol first came out with instant messaging
where you could type to your friends
kind of like text messaging
they used to have a guys voice that i’d be like
instant message every time you got a message
oh hi how’s it going hi nice to see you san and i’m good
instant met every single i remember
like the first couple months it was okay
you know but then i got to the poison
it’s it was like no way to turn it off
i learned how to type fast from
typing in like irc when we’re playing quake and playing
quaint quake to learn how to type fast because you know
you’re typing like in real time
and having our conversations in real time right
you know eventually that’s just going
to be straight speech to text yeah
or just straight speech
but the problem is straight speeches
and everybody will be talking over about it
everybody well
that’s not mean like xbox live that’s how
it is you sit there with like thirty people
and people like mom won’t kill that bitch
it’s like it’s great
it’s like a party chapline with a bunch of retards
that’s how it is
you know quake is not like that
at least quake
maybe the new ones will be like that but they don’t have voice
over and i think one of the reasons is because it
would eat up more bandwidth
and it probably
make the game slower does it make the game slower well back
then that would think so
but nowadays you have twenty megabytes right
up your ups ups like two megabytes
two one and a half two that’s still way more than yeah but
you’d quake every goddamn millisecond of ping county
this is geek talk
ladies and gentlemen
is that a game with one of these riches talking about
yeah is that like a lot of people in like well
some games are at like thirty people in our room
and you can talk to each other yeah
yeah well whoever’s on your team right
with everybody talks grind you play xbox live
i don’t play xbox live
i used to have a real problem
quick i used to play quake like eight hours of that so
i’ve been
i played quake
i started out quick too but i actually like quick one better
but then nobody was playing quick one and then
we played quick three with quick three came out that was
that was probably
the most fun one to play that was the hay day
the quick three because quake three was like
more complicated graphically look cooler
it was a combination of one and two
you know those fucking games are so goddamn addictive
because you’re playing live
you log on if you never play quake before you log on
you you know you have all your settings and your
computer for like you know your mouse speed
and all this jazz get comfortable with it
then you log on
and you jump into a fucking three dimensional world
where you have earphones okay
and in these earphones you hear sounds to the right
that means someone’s to your right
dudes are shooting at you rocket launchers
and fucking lightning guns
and it’s a dark fucking
hallway you’re running down and dudes are hiding
and they’re fucking blasting you
it’s fun as fuck
it’s cell phones i’m so surprised that you’re into that
but you’re not
into something like modern warfare to oh
it’s not that i wouldn’t be into it i would love to do it
the problem is i don’t want to get addicted to anything
yeah i had a real problem get addicted to quake
sure it’s incredible quake something
you like even though you get addicted to it yeah
you probably get addicted to it it’s so
amazing i don’t have any time man
i don’t wanna do that i didn’t have time on games was quake
it really is a game system or was it yes
no it’s a free pc for your pc yeah you
you know it’s just
you had to have a real good
graphics card i don’t want to play it with all
the fancy shit on all the lights
but you could play it in a decent where it would look decent
you know if your computer wasn’t as good
but if you had a good computer and a good video card
oh my god it’s staggering good high resolution
dudes would explode you
railgun them and their
body explodes in a spray of blood it’s fucking spectacular
lightning bolts are flying through the air and
the shadows the fucking lightning bolts
create shadows and the walls and shits
that mad modern warfare too you’re in something
that really looks exactly
exactly like lax yeah
you’re sitting there just fucking plowing people down
and there’s that’s crazy i mean
you’re fucking at a starbucks there’s just fucking little
mugs that you could break and change that would rather be a
space station or xbox pc xbox
i think it’s everything everything
i like about quake is it doesn’t even seem remotely real
you know you’re rocket launching you could rocket jump
where you take your rocket launcher
and you pull it at the ground and jump at the same time
you go flying through the air
that was my favorite shit to do
that was my favorite shit to do to go rocket jump
i had rocket jump to fuck i
did it was so much fun
did you do halo
no i played halo for a little bit but again
i don’t want to get a dick today i never got
too much in a halo it’s alright
but modern warfare too is just fucking
you can’t beat this guy says call of duty is way too slow
that’s what i like about quake
it’s so goddamn fast it’s nothing like real physics
like when you’re walking down the hallway
you know how you’re running
if you’re running down a hallway would be like this
when quake it’s a
you’re flying you sorry cat cat up sorry cat
you can fucking run
i mean you can fly
through the air man dudes are flying and jumping left
and writing
see to me that’s just like twitch gaming it’s just like yeah
the fuck’s going on fucking fun man
it’s fun
i like it realistic
i like it you’re going
into this world like you’re going into avatar
road and then you’re just you think you’re playing through this
lax right
and then i come in with my
rocket launcher and fuck you write in the ants
your game is stupid he jumps
a dude from quake
there would be no competition if you fought a dude from
modern duty call of warfare whatever
the fuck you’re watching whatever games these are
you can take a quick space marine
and have a fight with these dudes
the space being take a couple shots bro
they have like a hundred and fifty you know life points
you can’t just kill them with one bullet
and he’s gonna rocket launch you in the fucking head
and you’re gonna explode
that game is dumb the quite games more fun
they’re more durable
they have more abilities their weapons are way crazier
the physics they’re not even on this planet it’s like
they’re running across the moon
that’s so outdated right now
how dare you how dare you say it’s outdated
quake will never die how dare you
quake will never die
quake four is not outdated graphically that’s not outdated oh
yeah compared to today’s games is it really quake four oh
it’s way outdated really
john karmac
my brother please i’m sorry
forgive him for he knows not what he says
no i mean graphic wise really
i don’t know you could be right
i was watching the aliens and predator demo
that they showed the last
ufc was sponsored by aliens and predators the video game
hopefully shit that looks good yeah
but see even that’s like
not considered not top of the shell yeah
god damn the graphics were incredible yes
i remember
when you used to like when anybody used to be able to tell
what was the most advanced shit you know like i’m saying like
an amateur doesn’t really know what’s going on
you’d see something be like oh that’s the newest clearly
but now the levels of it
it’s too advanced where like like
i’m not an expert
but i’m not like somebody who’s never seen video games
i can’t tell all
the differences
i can’t tell like i’ll see something like that looks amazing
yeah that’s o fives really
yeah the ufc game that we’re more than turning into appearing
they do this exactly
what you become i’m not letting you go
i’m child child in me i gotta make sure i’m up with all the shit
when we went to work for the usa
on the video game
then they showed us the video game the first time
they showed us the video game was chuckle del versus rampage
and for one second
i looked at it i don’t remember this footage
like i thought it was a fight for once one second
i thought it was a fight oh my god
i’ve never seen a fight from this angle
i was thinking that to myself
and then when oh shit this is the game
and then once they start
moving i mean you could pretty much tell their video game but
it was so much better than i expected it to be
and that was a couple years ago right
yeah they’re
gonna have some shit that looks just like like a cgi movie
you know some of the cabins almost really look real
what is like what right now is the newest most amazing shit
mass effect two is pretty badass
but is that like a fighting
that’s like a role playing type of fighting game
but the one for ps
three that
just came out uncharted to drake’s fortune that is like a watch
being in a movie pretty much really now
if you look at like avatar
what they did with avatars
they took the actors and the actors made all the faces
and then they
put it through a computer and then created these blue people
they’re probably
gonna start doing that with video
games they already do that with video
games they did that with most video games no
but not like the way they do that with avatar not to the
probably the level that maybe avatar did
but some of their games they map out the facial features
and everything
just started from and started i think from video
games i just played the
tiger was golf ten
but that’s gonna be agreeable yeah like when they
cut to like the him
like his face and then they make they like
if he has a bad like if you have a bad shot
then he goes like
they have his voice layered into it obviously right
so he actually
makes a face he goes like tiger
yeah and you like oh
it looks like the dude right there it freaks you out
like you see the sweat dripping it off of them and everything
i feel bad for that dude there’s very few people
that i feel bad for in public scandals
that are outside of death
very few people i feel bad
i feel bad for him because i think the dude
got drowned on
he got poured on
more than any guy in the history of the free world
there’s so many ways
that want him out of golf because
he’s just destroying the sport because he’s pretty much just
you can’t be tiger you know
so there’s so many people that are attacking he knows that
he’s got so much money
he’s at home fucking washing his face with money and pussy
you know he’s not at home right now
he’s in a sex addiction he’s out of that
when did he get out of that
today’s ago
so you don’t think that that was like painful damn to have this
all the people hate nom i don’t think so i mean
sure i think it’s good this whole life was based on his image
his image was all
they sold it to giant corporations it was so squeaky
his wife finding out
and all that stuff like that but i think if you got in trouble
or if you got all this attention for something
as being a pimp
i don’t think you’re going to be like oh damn
i slept with a bunch of people now
everybody knows that sucks for my wife
i think it was very painful i think you’re wrong
i think i think you’re very much idealizing
and not putting a human being into that situation
put a human being in that situation no
no i mean it sir it sucks
but i mean dude
he’s never had any name he’s going to come back from this
so fast it’s going to retire oh
he’ll definitely jump out
you know golf wants him back more than anything though right
he’s the best thing for golf though yeah well
i think i think he is to a point but i don’t he wins everything
but i said i want everything
he doesn’t mean he’s the best golf forever but
there’s got to eat him
golf needs to make crazy
he’s not superstar i don’t know anything
about golf tell me
this does he lose i mean
what percentage of airlines does he win
he plays his best at the highest ache
but he does phenomenal i don’t know the exact numbers but
he loses right
but he’s the most he wins more than any
he wins he wins more than he ever loses yeah
but i mean he wins more than he loses way more really
i don’t know the exact numbers he loses tournaments all the time
them he doesn’t win yeah
but he win way more
even in pool even in pool the very best guys don’t always win
you know in pool especially
pools tricky like they play like race to ten
race to eleven
like to find out like which guys better
you really have to play like a race to a hundred
you know it’s like
then the stronger player
their definite strengths will
overcome and like whenever you see like
real good guys match up they match up for a lot of mind is this
website called the action report
com i love watching guys gamble on pool
so like one of my favorite things to watch
because i grew up playing pool
so watching these guys in the actionport
com they’ll set these dudes up
and they’ll play for like two or three days
and they have like a race to a hundred
and they’ll you know they’ll bet like twenty thousand dollars
and you know for these dudes that’s a lot of fucking money man
and they play it out and it’s it’s very exciting man
if you like pool but if you don’t like pool it’s deaf
what is it yeah
what is it what is it saying
it’s called the action report the action report dot com
if you guys are gambling on pool
super cool guys too
they banked all their money into putting together matches and
it’s all legal because it’s really like a two man tournament
no you call it gambling well
it’s not they’ve set up it’s a tournament
it’s just a tournament with two guys in it
and they put their entry fee in
and they play for the entry what did they do it from
different places different pool halls different you know
different places twenty thousand dollars yeah
and they sanctioned it as a tournament you know
and you know that way
it’s it’s all
totally legal like you can play pool and tournaments
everybody puts in
you know a hundred bucks
five hundred bucks wherever the entry fee is
they pull all that money together
and they give it to the winner
i mean it really is a form of it’s just like gambling you know
i mean just you have to
report that money
i have friends that make a living doing that max eberlee
it makes a living playing in pool tournaments you know
max emily just won three thousand dollars playing up in
san francisco is playing a big one in
la this weekend
this has got to be boring as fuck for people
johnny boy
o five ten says tiger banged those chicks for one reason
he could
definitely i definitely think that’s the case i mean i think
the truth is most people
that look like that dude
that grew up the way that guy did
and that lived in that guy situation
would probably
be just as nuts as he is
and probably fucked just as many of the girls that he fucked
you would go crazy
he’s an amazing athlete right an amazing game
player amazing at golf amazing
right a very intricate difficult complicated game
if he’s obsessed with things like that
for sure if that guy is that good
that he’s better than all these other people
that are obsessed with the game too
for sure that guy’s nuts
you almost have to be to be that good at something
you have to have a level of
concentration you have to have a level of obsession
that for sure
is going to bleed over into other areas of your life
into your relationships
of a guy who’s a fanatic
you know is obsessed with working out
might also be obsessed with fucking
or might also be obsessed with gambling
you know i mean a lot of pro athletes have like big
big gambling problems
a lot of them
and it’s the same thing it’s that obsession with competition
you know that trying to win
trying to get it you know that that same mindset
transfers over to everything
transfers over to how you approach arguments you know
how how you how you learn you know whether or not you
know you’re honest with yourself
it’s got to be nuts anybody who’s
the best at whatever thing i think is nuts and
i mean not a bad nuts
not like we’re criticizing people for being amazing
we’re just saying that almost everybody who’s like
you know you get to like like
you know the highest levels of any sport there’s something
about those dudes like okay
here’s a perfect example
the everybody thinks the best heavyweight is this guy
this russian guy
fade or a million anko
and what he’s most known for
you know you talk to a lot of people
they’ll say he’s the best pound for pound fighter in the world
i think it’s probably
anderson silva
but i could see the argument for it being him
i think gsp
and bjpen are more likely because i think they’re facing well
it’s a tough argument you know
he doesn’t have
the best competition over there
because he’s kind of in a situation
where the best guys are fighting in the ufc
so the guys that he’s fighting
they’re not really totally on his level
or they used to be in others
slid off a little bit
but he’s known for this insane mindset he’s known for
his ability to just like overcome anything and be super calm
like while he’s doing it you know that like he’s
in this like zone he
doesn’t make any facial expressions you know nothing yeah
do you think he is the best though or no
he’s one of the best for sure
but there’s something about that
the ability to go to war
with somebody with a dead face like dead calm
for sure there’s a discipline to it and for sure
it’s something that he’s learned over time
but also he might be crazy as fuck how about that
how about he he might be fucking crazy
you know i mean he might be so smart and so into
you know winning
and beating dudes at fighting and so
capable of crossing
boundaries that others aren’t willing to cross
that he might just be insane that might be why he doesn’t even
get angry
while he’s doing it he beats the fuck out of everybody
and then he’s super sweet
it draws like cartoons for his daughters and shit yeah
i think that probably
the most vicious guys in business to have the same mentality
like the guys that
take over companies and like
they have like
whoever probably runs google is probably like somebody who is
obsessive and
and has like a killed mentality
well definitely ceo’s for corporations oh yeah
they’re like hit men
he seems like that new show
what a great idea for a show i would take ceos of big companies
and then they go undercover and work for the company like
that guy from hooters
he’s going to
go to all these restaurants and act like he’s a fried cook
and he’s gonna work and he’s just gonna check out everything
and whoa
it’s an awesome undercover show yeah
it’s where they take the ceo of real companies and they
put them in the company undercover boss yeah
undercover boss that’s hilarious what a great idea it was great
that first episode was like
waste management
the biggest waste management company ever is called
wm or democrat management
waste management
and he went down
he was like shoveling shit out of fucking trolley or shit
and did they know that he was that guy
no no idea
he thought he was a regular one and then he came back
and all the guys that were great work
stuff the game raises gave him promotions
fixed everything
they were bitching about
they actually trying to figure out what’s awesome
what is it called undercover boss
it’s on cbs on sundays what a great idea
it was really good actually
that’s what’s wrong with people man
what’s really wrong with harshness and
people being insensitive to other people
people that work for them is that they don’t have to live a day
in their lives
you know you don’t have to if you did
you would you would be you know
much kinder you know it’s so easy to look at like
people that are like starving
in foreign countries
and you know
and all the fucking crazy shit that’s going on liberia
and all these different parts of the world are in
constant chaos and turmoil and starvation
and you don’t you don’t feel it because
it doesn’t affect you because on a day to day
basis doesn’t affect you
but if you had to go over there and live like that
just for one week
live like they lived
my god you know
you would realize
i can’t wait to see this hooter is
the one cause i guess it’s just like a bunch of managers
totally like making
it shakes to a bunch of shit they’re not supposed to do
and stuff like sexy shit it’s bad
yeah like sexual shit well
like the trailer the guy goes
that manages like y’all want to go home early today
i’ll tell those little hula
cooters girls
and they’re like yeah
he’s like you got to play my reindeer games
and then he’s making them
eat out of plates with no hands like a beans
so they like pigs eating out of a trough
just say
the company
is watching he can’t say
he’s playing undercover
he’s a fucking busboy or something oh my god
it’s great yeah he’s like manager’s a real pig
wow that’s amazing
that’s gonna be amazing yeah
there’s some douche bags out there oh my god
that’s did you imagine why would you want to work
a place like that
there’s you want to work at a place like that
if you’re something well
unless it’s a good job you know if you’re like
a bar manager type dude and they offer you
a good job organ i don’t know what hooters pay
so maybe they played really well
but you know
that’s a weird place to go into in the first place
it’s like you want to go to a trip club but not
really and
you might be with your girlfriend
and she’ll come on we’ll go on to be fun you want chicken
you heard the obsession of chicken at the same time
you chase on hollywood and highlands and you sports clubages
open where all the girls are dressed up as like schoolgirls
yeah they’re all dressed up like school girl
did you tell us about this
i feel like somebody told ari told me
there’s a thing man even if you like
even if the idea
of that is like cool to you
all right when you go
if you go somewhere like that you’re gonna be like
i feel like an asshole
you know i mean like having at a bar
where they’re dressed as schoolgirls you’re not going to feel
cool about that i had an idea once for a pizza place
called pizza sluts
all of pizza delivered by grossing bikinis
pizza sluts pizza sluts yeah
i wanted to put it on sunset and have like super hot chicks
you pay them like fifty dollars an hour
and they walk around
and you know and tips and then they get tips
and they walk around a bikini serving pizza
that’s all pez
you can do that
listens out there you can have it whoever wants it
just let me have a
free piece of pizza and it’s all yours
i get sluts
i don’t wanna open up any kind of business people will come up
to me with business ideas and like just stop talking about best
script ideas all the time
remember that one dude that is like a ufc script you know
it’s a
yeah and to get mad if i won’t read it and i go listen man
i don’t have the time to read ninety pages of your shit
i’m not an agent and i’m not acting so i’m not gonna read it
they get mad give me a chance man somebody give you a chance
like whoa dude
you’re asking for an hour and a half of my time
it’s gonna take me ninety minutes
to read this stupid thing
and i don’t even know you and i don’t want to act
so what the fuck is the point of this
everybody wants someone else to help them
everybody wants someone else to get
get you know get them
in the door in hollywood
the crazy thing is i’m not even in the door in hollywood
i barely exist in this world
i do the commentary for the ufc
which is totally outside of hollywood
that’s sports
i’m a fucking sports broadcaster you know
and then stand up comedy
both of them are totally outside
so how am i gonna help you get a movie started what
am i doing you know
what is last time
i acted in that kevin james thing that’s the
only movie i’ve ever i did two other movies
and no one ever saw them
one of them i don’t think it ever came out well
maybe it came out like five years after we did it was terrible
it’s called venus and vegas and another one
forget with it frank bukkowski ci
it was it could have been really funny but
the ceos or whoever the fuck they were
the producers
i remember those dude and cuff links
and his fat rolex like his beautiful expensive
watch and this really sweet cufflinks and he had
what are those straps fuck those things called suspenders
had suspenders on
and this kid who is the lead of the movie is doing the scene
and this guy’s tom don’t do like that do it like this like hey
what do you guys do like he’s giving line readings
this dude was giving line readings
to this kid this really funny comedian
who is the lead in the movie
i was like wow
this thing is gonna go right in the toilet
so it was basically like
all these people put all this money up to make this movie
and then they wanted to have a say in it
because the kid who was
the lead in it was not that big of a name
right and they just fucked it up man
it’s fascinating to watch shit like that
that’s what makes you like really appreciate comedy
you know that nobody can fuck our shit up you just
you write it you grow up you do it
george you know i can tell you do it this way
don’t you appreciate that of course
something else do that though you get good well
you have to work those sometimes was that one you said
what’s that call where is it
pennsylvania pennsylvania yeah
it’s they go like they like don’t curse
and then what’s the place called
juniors juniors and what part of pennsylvania erie erie
junior’s an earie they go no swearing no swearing they go don’t
like whatever
this is a clean show you’re like all right and then like
in case you forgot six more times before you get up
hey man don’t forget and you’re like no
i heard you
the first five times and then like after the show they’re like
but didn’t you
suggest something like
did you make a joke about
like tits or something you’re like no
like somebody said you did
you’re like no i think i said something about like
i just said i look like i have a breast or something
and i’m like oh
okay well you know just try not to lean so like don’t even like
do say something that’s suggestive or could be perceived as
you know and you get a speech about it and you’re like wow
for how much
i get like a hundred thousand for like four seven
damn man that’s awesome
for not a lot
but how crazy is that is that they hire comics and want them
to well i guess as long as the comic like does that normally
as long as like you advertise yourself as
doing a squeaky clean show
then i can understand that well
you’re just they hired this guy to that did they hire you
under those circumstances or under that they hired agreement
asking can he do can he be clean okay
so you took the gate i took the gate i took the gate still
it still wasn’t fun
it was a place that i do when i was starting out in boston
we’re gonna do twenty minutes
i had to be squeaky clean i found it was interesting
it was interesting
but i was like i’m not really
accurately representing myself though i feel like oh yeah
and it’s not here’s the thing i took it
for work to get the work right
but the whole week
at no part is that fun like it’s not fun to do it
not because you can’t say a word you wanna say but because
someone told you like
restrict yourself
sense of yourself like
you don’t feel like you know and they’re watching you yeah
the whole deal about comedy is that comedy’s the best
best comedy comes from like
the loosest mind when you’re loose
you’re not worried about shit you’re not feeling
you know you know thinking that you have to you know
watch your step because someone’s watching you
and can’t say certain things
kinds of fucking disaster yeah
and i asked the
the guy
who runs an ego descent do you ever like have to fire somebody
and he was like oh yeah
because i was like cause this has to backfire
because they’re really strict about it
and they hired you know the he’s a comic the black comic
who was on this last season enthusiasm
you know what i’m talking about yeah yeah
you know his name he’s hilarious yeah
really funny guy
you know his name
really funny guy
well he they hired him and they told him he was like yeah yeah
and then he got up there
according to the manager of the club was like
so then i said to this motherfucker like what the fuck
i like just
that’s hot like
like a hundred fucks in the first ten minutes
and they got off stage and they were like what the fuck man
the gosh and he was like he’s like that’s how i fucking fuck
and they’re like you gotta just fire him like go home center
what’s his name
god he’s really fucking great he lived with larry remember
i haven’t watched that show
he was also
he’s in pooty tang
what is the if you look at pooty tang you’re probably
what is the show
so yeah he has kind of like a like a stage name
right like it’s fuck it’s not his real name remember
they’re all the same to me how dare you
how dare you that’s not funny ryan you’re an asshole
you’re an asshole
well they only show the top five
i stopped watching a while ago i don’t know why
did you hear that dude died from the ice fishing show yeah
yeah yeah
and i want bd
and then
do pooty tank
captain phil harris
that sucks yeah
and then all right if you go down
j b smooth j b smooth oh that dude is hilarious yeah
j b smooth i work with that dude when i was living in
in new york oh really yeah he was hilarious
we did a i got a funny story about him we did
a cause together once and
this is when
i was i was stating this chick and
she just like to complain a lot
and it would really get on my nerves and i would bring her
to gigs with me sometimes
and she would like complain like as we were driving out there
and i was just
i’d get in a shitty frame of mind so we get to
this college
it’s in the middle of nowhere
it’s really hard to get to a new jersey
and i’m listening to chica playing like i’m like you know
you gotta be positive like when you’re negative around me
all the time
it makes me negative and then it’s not funny going stage
you know i’m sorry you know that i’m just expressing myself no
no it’s just so
annoying so we sit down
and they go well the opening act jb smooth is lost
so we’re gonna wait till he gets here so why don’t you sit down
just watch tv for a while
okay okay cool
so i sit down and i watch this fucking documentary on the
malibu fires and there’s all these people
and these fucking kids and the kids are looking for their dog
and they’re walking around these burnt down
buildings they’re like skeletons of buildings
they’re like roscoe roscoe
they’re yelling out for their dog
and this guy is fucking
crying his eyes out this guy worked for the fire department
because he was talking about how everything
he ever had in his world
all his life
he worked towards building this house like this was a dream
he took him you know
twenty years to build it and he builded it by hand
him and his brother
and now it’s done it’s just wrecked it gets gone
everything’s black and charred everywhere you look
rosco where are you and i am bombed ali well
jb smooth obviously is
not gonna come here so we’re just gonna start the show now
and you just you’ll go up
and i guess if he gets here
he’ll go after you i go okay okay okay
i didn’t know
back then that you can’t watch
it like that and just go on stage
i would prepare myself like
now if i was watching something on
stage and it was starting to bow me up da la la la
there’s like i would have to get out of the room
i’m like i’m not gonna
put my mind in this frame you know where these people are
their dog bert to death and
they lost all their possessions their whole life’s dream is
grown man and is fifties without mustaches weeping
and then i went right on stage and just a dick
i wasn’t even a little funny
there was
nothing that i could have possibly said that was funny
i just didn’t think anything was funny
i had a two hour
drive with a chick bitching at me
that i watched
twenty minutes of people crying cause their house is gone
and then i go on stage it was just death
but jb smooth went on right after me and destroyed destroyed
it was like such a stench in the room from my performance
it was so flat and so
un inspired and i was so i so didn’t want
and the people that paid to see me
they were so bummed out because
they had like told their friends how funny
i was because they saw me at naka there was a naka convention
this is like this
association of college campus activities thing where you
you know you’d perform
and then they would send you out to all these different colleges
all across the country was really good money
and well i had done
the conference and i killed i fucking destroyed
and so i got all these colleges for it
and this was one of those colleges
and these people like well
he really killed it naka
yeah i killed it i fucked the sorry i fucked up was disastrous
but jb smooth went on after being
just strong she live out here is he
to comedy out here
i don’t know i think he’s in new york right
dude is so funny
yes got some of the best facial expressions ever rogan that
ice shit was hilarious by the way
i think it’s got taken on its own little
thing it’s ridiculous isn’t it
how fun you know about this what’s that
there was a fight
on spike tv where this dude had
a bag of ice on the dude’s head in between the corner
and the bag broke
and ice went everywhere
and i’m like oh
gee we got a problem like look at this it’s ice everywhere
and these guys start picking up the ice
but they’re stumbling and dropping the bucket and i start
i start doing like play by play i’m like
as a goddamn three stooges
these guys and
apparently you know we’re just killing time
while they clean up ice basically
i’m like let me just entertain
where they’re cleaning up ice let me just make fun of this
and now it’s like this
youtube clip it’s all over the place man really it’s great
what sucks up being in the audience you can’t hear you
so i had no idea any of this was going on
so that sucks you know what next time
i’m gonna get you guys those things
yeah yeah there’s so much you guys those things yeah
i don’t know how those things work
maybe you can you’ll probably figure out a way to improve it oh
yeah this is good here’s the problem put wi fi in there
yeah well
there is a wi fi that’s available in the
these like headphones in the reno yes there
it’s an ear thing like a little like
sort of like an ipod and you sit there
and you can listen to the commentary while it’s all going on
yeah that would be better than yeah
they kind of streaming
it would be so much better if it was on your
i heard that spilled bag ice is talking shit on the internet
i heard you talk a lot of shit on twitter
and ain’t cool bro
that’s not professional okay
yeah it’s got it so yeah
he’s got a spillback advice as a twitter page has got like five
hundred followers
already it’s so there
he is
you should follow brian because
red band is trying to bump up his count
and he’s very upset that more people aren’t
what are you up to him
uh like eleven hundred damn do your way woman what are you guys
like for something
twitter is so hard to get people well
follow tom segora ladies gentlemen does this name down here
point to it come on
where is that thing can you see
yeah like that is a serious delay here yeah
anyway please
ice is commentating at ufc one on amp yeah how
fun is that became such a big deal
pants on the floor
that’s one thing that
does come in hand being a comedian and being
a commentator at the same time when something fucks up
i can at least make fun of it you do that a lot you should do it
well it’s not appropriate you know
i only do it where it’s appropriate
my job is to to represent what’s going on
my job is to represent what’s going on
in the fighting it’s not my job to like stick my personality
into that you know when it’s appropriate
then i do it but
you can’t look for like do you ever watch
when dennis mellow did the monday night football yes
and he would like throw jokes in a lot
jokes that would be funny as if your conversations with mike
kind of like you screw it yeah
no you do it already
sometimes that when mike will say something
you call him out on it but
you know
but if you just kind of did that more because sometimes he says
yeah sometimes i have to let it go though i have to
because like we’re in the middle of moving something along
someone getting into the octagon
you know the fights about to take place
i don’t want to
i like that side talk that you guys yeah i do too
but we got to do it
you know when it’s best when the fights are boring
when you have a boring fight
then you can start talking shit right you know
and you can be like honestly this isn’t the most exciting fight
i’ve ever seen in my life
like i’ll say things like that you know occasion
if it’s a boring one
do you find yourself also trying to find out new
sayings to sit because you always have to sit seems like
he has a heart of gold or something like that you are gold
also just cut your music song
he is a heart of gold
he is the spirit of a tiger i mean do you have a heart like
look there you know a bunch of animals no
i say the heart of a lion because it’s a genuine expression
right you know it’s like
you start making expressions up
he has a warrior spirit of an asian type
you should do that no man nobody wants to hear that
that’s not me though
but there is a dude that’s michael shavello the guy that does
dream he does all the commentary for dream and he does k one
he’s really hilarious because he’ll make stuff up
but it’s really funny coming for him
like when this guy was throwing hooks
goes more hooks than a pirate’s convention
like he says like that
it’s funny
the thing about dennis millers was that his were obscure yeah
that whole style
that whole style of comedy that whole style like
i know much more than you do
and you know you’re gonna pretend that you know
as much as i do you’re
you’re in the inside so you’re gonna laugh at the joke right
exactly that if it’s not even a joke just a reference
you hear brian’s example
of specific one though it looks like the constitution page
i was his idea vink’s big obscure
page two constitution
not a line from it page
it’s really funny if you think about how a few people really
understand or have written read the constitution
i’ve never read it
have you ever read it
i think i might have never read it constitution yeah
i think it had to you can yeah maybe
like do you remember any of it
i mean do you remember anything
about i remember
freedom of speech
i remember you’re supposed to be allowed to have
guns and you’re allowed to take up arms
against the government isn’t that legal something like that
and that like second amendment
bill rights
it’s really kind of crazy if you stop and think about like
how the structure of our country
the whole structure of our country
is made up in a way that very few people have even looked into
you know you’ll talk about it’s unconstitutional but
you know how many people have ever read that shit
it’s got to be like a minus fuel percentage
and it’s so crazy that we stick with these laws that
were invented like so many
hundred years ago like why haven’t we come up with a better way
why haven’t we refined it and made it better
just for the people like when you hear it like
new rulings like this
recent ruling that the supreme court had where
they said that corporations can spend as much
money as they want
on campaigns now they’re just like an individual
could spend as much as they want that’s an insane idea
why would you think that that would be good for the individual
why would you think
that would be good for human beings in general
that’s only gonna be good for the corporation
of course
you’re gonna spend millions of dollars because the politician
who’s gonna get an office is gonna
do shit that he doesn’t really want to do
but you asked him to do
which is why you got him in there
in the first place
you know i mean
nobody gets into office that isn’t playing the game
i mean it’s pretty obvious now you have to work with obama
and obama’s a smart fucking yeah
man you know i saw him that thing that
he was doing where
the republicans were questioning on
shit and saying a bunch of nonsense
and he was just
correcting them
left and right
and made them all look stupid and did it without a teleprompter
and was calm as fuck under pressure and you watched that
guy can’t even change anything
change anything
and everybody’s like a bum’s a puppet a bum’s a puppet maybe
or president it might be that he can’t fucking change anything
it might be that your president is president yeah
it’s just here’s a pup yeah
that’s the whole point
it might be that the president really is i mean
i think like jfk tried to treat the presidency as if he was like
really the president
you know but i think bush
very obviously accepted the position of the spokesperson
very obviously wasn’t paying attention right
very obviously
you know would make like critical mistakes about
shit and the way he promoted things
and the way he spoke about things when he was you know
when he was off script i mean he was not fucking dance
and then you had cheney who was always hiding in the bunker
and his fucking evil billionaire ceo character who was actively
making money off the war actively profiting
i mean that’s some incredible shit
and then when the company that he
used to be the ceo of
then becomes the fucking company
that’s contracted to go to iraq and fix everything
jesus christ and everybody goes well
that’s because you know
there’s the only company that’s qualified like oh
so what so what
so what fire up a new company that’s crazy
the guy can’t make money as the vice president from fucking war
and then obama comes in the office and you gotta go like well
you know it’s like he ain’t fixing shit
you know what is what is he changing
sending thirty thousand more people to afghanistan
you know i mean this whole economic stimulus
when i hear them talk about that
i feel i feel angry
i feel like i am getting fucked right now
and i don’t know i’m getting fucked
like the way they’re talking about this
and the money that gets an effect
the goldman sachs
ceo who just got you know some insanely large bonus
when i was reported online
it was a hundred million dollars or something like that
some insane bonus
because they made so much money in two thousand and nine
they had like that record year
it’s incredible
it’s all incredible
it’s all incredible the whole the whole idea that you know
that they buy out all these fucking banks
because the banks are too big to fail
and where is all the money going
it’s all numbers
it’s all ones and zeros what the fuck is happening
and where is it going
it’s all nuts like the whole system is so chaotic
a system of finance that’s based mostly unconfidence
that’s a big part of it you know because for the longest time
we didn’t have shit
we weren’t producing shit
but everybody was like confident that real estate
prices were gonna
keep going up
so they keep buying them and selling them to keep making money
so everybody’s confident
meanwhile in the middle of all of it nothing is going on
there’s just ones zeros moving back and forth
we don’t even know what the fuck is happening
and it runs our whole life you know
when the financial system that runs the world
it’s like so fucking complex
that a guy like birdie made off can fuck them all and steal
billions and billions of dollars
and nobody do
that’s absurd that’s insane billions and he didn’t steal like
fifty grand he stole fifty billion
and he had that much
yeah over decades
he had that much
money going on and no one knew what the fuck was happening
and he used to be the president
i think of the stock exchange yeah
yeah he’s the guy who’s like
in charge of it all was he the charon or something like yeah
it was some big
big position at the yeah
it’s incredible man it’s really amazing yeah it really is man
i mean i used to think before the market crashed i thought well
i don’t want to spend too much time thinking about you know
finances and politics because
it’s so complex to really study
it appropriately
you would have to spend many many hours every day
delving into all the different issues that are going on
all the different areas that merit attention
it’s like god damn it
it’s more than a full time job and if you have a family
if you have kids if you have a job if you have a hobby
if you have any friends where are you coming up with that time
where are you coming up with that time
are you going to get obsessed with politics
i don’t have it do you have it
who the fuck does that’s incredible so
the system that is running
our whole lives is one that we barely understand
and have it even researched
they have to do nothing but consume information all day
to have even
remote chance to like
really follow the ins and outs
so that’s in the same bucket as math with me yeah
my brain just doesn’t work like that
and math
oh do you think by the way that
like i don’t know i go to for obama
and so i’ve been like you know i wanted to
succeed and do well and everything
but and i don’t here’s how out of it
i am with the politics that i don’t know
if this is a factual or not but
was his campaign part of it that like he would withdraw troops
so is it sending them yeah
at least at the very least
it’s the opposite of what you said you were going no
i think he did withdrawal troops but i think he just
when everyone says he sent that many trips afghanistan
he just withdrew him and moved him over well
everybody knew it was bullshit everybody knew it was bullshit
thirty thousand more now
right now right
i don’t know
i shouldn’t say
everybody knew it was bullshit
but a lot of people
knew that
what he really was gonna do is pull troops out of iraq
and put more in afghanistan
because they were saying that we’re
under trooped in afghanistan for what they’re trying to do right
but you know
it’s kind of crazy that the dude wins the nobel peace prize
and then sends thirty thousand more people to afghanistan right
afterwards that’s just i mean
it’s all even like not
it doesn’t make sense
award somebody at peace prize just on
their image well
you know we gotta pay attention everybody’s like well
you gotta look out for where
you know things are happening you have protect american
you know interest and
protect america from terrorism and all that good stuff
but listen the scariest goddamn threat to america is
the max kin drug cartels
they’re right next door to us you can drive
to fucking mexico now
it’s right there
and if you live in san diego
it’s a goddamn twenty minute drive
and you’re in another country
where they’re murdering people every
fucking day of the week way crazier
victor davila the guy who does the spanish version of my job
he does their commentary ufc
he told me that it’s five times more people have died
last year in two thousand nine
in waras and all the border towns all the murders and
the gun fire that’s going on between the cops and the bad guys
five times more have died than in iraq and afghanistan combined
ever that’s insane that’s insane that’s right there
he said it’s nuts over there
he said you have to drive around at night with your light
your dome light on
so that the drug cartels
they see they don’t wonder who you are in the car
they don’t just gun your car down
just to just to be sure really yeah
he said
it’s nuts man people drive around with their dome lights on
so the drug guys can see inside
whoa that’s fucking terrifying
you’re driving around and they let you live
let him live
let him live he doesn’t have our guys in there whoa
how scary is that shit and that’s right next door man
you know
and the reason why it all happened is because drugs are illegal
that’s the reason why it all happened is
you got all these fucking people that are willing to sell drugs
because all these people want drugs
and the people that are selling
the drugs make billions and billions of dollars
and they don’t realize that a lot of people think that’s all
the biggest import from mexico in the illicit drug world is
marijuana so it’s the fact that that’s illegal
that fuels a lot i’m saying if you made
it legal in mexico united universally
you would you would get rid of a lot of the
violence and things that go on because
the biggest thing that’s being brought in is not coke
it’s marijuana so the fact that these guys have
are doing this because it’s illegal if they just made it legal
you would reduce violence by so much
but you know what they’re not going to
cut down any laws they don’t absolutely have to cut down
and if they ease up restrictions on
marijuana it’s going to take decades
it’s going to be statewide and california first
and there’s going to be some contest to that
and maybe a couple other states adopt
it it’ll never be national
it’ll never be federal because
they always need those fucking people to work
they need those dea guys
those guys are going to make sure
that they’re in a position of power
they’re going to make sure that
they keep a certain amount of jobs every year
and if you close down
marijuana you make marijuana legal you make all drugs
you criminalize all drugs then you’re chopped down like
more than half
more than half the people in prison
today are in prison for non violent drug offenses
which is crazy
when you can go to cvs and get fucked up out of your mind
you got a cvs
you know and they have shelves where they have fucking whiskey
just shelve after
just so much whiskey you could drink yourself to death right
there i go to cvs now to buy the
cheapest beer now it’s crazy
i mean it’s amazing that alcohol kills people
and yet we don’t even bat an eye
at it being right there on the corner in a convenience store
like hard hard shit jack daniel’s wild turkey and shit you know
right there
you know i mean
liquor stores supermarkets right there
beer wine drink yourself to death
but if they had weed
people would freak out
this fucking weed here
there is a difference when you think about it
there’s not one alcohol where you could take one shot
and then and be
out of your mind
panic attacks might check yourself in the hospital for
because you think your heart’s freaking out you know
there’s not one alcohol that will do that
but yet there is weed that you take one hit and you will
think you’re having it
especially if you don’t smoke weed
yeah there was a glass of something you can drink
and like if you had a
a glass of it yeah
i mean the glass of it
eating a whole bag of weed well that’s the reason
it’s good that things are legal is because
when things are legal
they have like really clearly defined portions right
you know a beer you get a beards
twelve ounces
or whatever the hell it is
crack it open there it is that’s a beer
if you have more than one
now you know it’s like when you have two beers right
you have two beers now be careful
you know like with weed
especially when you buy
like edibles you don’t know what you’re getting
you could get like some i’ve had at
pot lollipops where i couldn’t even feel them
like i eat the whole lollipop and
two hours later like i think i got a dud like it was a dud
and then you’ll have a cookie where you eat half the cookie
and you’ll see like
cartoons fucking behind your eyelids like you close your eyes
and you’ll see like these animated cartoons like
wrestling and duplicating and moving back and forth all
you and that’s beyond colors that’s how i felt the last usc whoo
and it was a little bit too strong i thought it was gonna die
we talked about this before
but it’s worth talking about because it’s so crazy
and most people don’t know about it
when you eat marijuana and this is very important for people
who think you know
i got two stone
you can get two stones smoking pot it’s totally different
than getting two stone to eating pot
getting two stone eating pot is terrifying
because your body produces a chemical called
eleven hydroxy metabolite
and when apparently what happens is when you smoke marijuana
this is what i read online when you smoke marijuana
it has this eleven hydroxy metabolite but it’s not psychoactive
but when you eat it
and it’s processed through your liver
and it goes in your bloodstream it’s four
times more potent and thc
four times more psychoactive
so that’s why you get so high
you eat a brownie and you’re just like blitz creaked
like it’s literally like higher than you can get smoking it
you know like it’s a different high too it’s like
it’s almost like mushrooms or something
it’s really self examining
you know
real self examinatory like you really start like is that a word
self examined as a word
sounds like a word
but it sounds like it’s a word
maybe right it should be alright
that’s freaked out i freaked out with a cookie one time woo
i was crying and stuff like a long time too
it was hours and hours now yeah
eddie had a cookie once that really freaked him out and he
was doing this character
was a white rapper that puts black face on
to be more street and he was doing this character
and it was like the ultimate wigger
he was like
trying to claim that he really didn’t have makeup obviously did
it was a pretty funny accent
and he ate the cookie and got so paranoid because of this video
he started to freak out
and he thought the black people were gonna come and get him
and they were gonna hate him
he was racist
and he was like ready to cry
i mean he was talking about it he was like you know
that’s funny
it’s so funny how when you get high
like i got high once that i thought about
some shit i said about steven cigar
i always like making
fun of steven cigar and i was being like really mean
and then i got high once
and i thought about i’m like why am i being such a dick
steve is a girl never did anything to me
like i’m being so personal about it about
my making fun of him like i’m not even doing it good naturedly
you know it made me realize i was like what if i met him
what if he was nice
what kind of a piece of shit what i feel like
you know i mean maybe he’s not nice but maybe he is
maybe i mean maybe i like him
you know i mean i’ve met some people
that people thought were douchebags before
and i liked them
so it made me really examine like
my instincts
just because this guy’s famous just to shit all over him
that’s all i wanted to do i was just i just met riding piper
he was a nicest
old man i’ve ever said riding piper is a legend man
yeah but when you see him though you’re like who is this guy
he was just like off the streets but really yeah
nicest guy ever
well i’m still acting why isn’t he acting
i guess tv shows and shit have you watched the gold show
fuck it awesome
stevens gold shows goddamn i don’t like it you don’t like it
don’t you like me talks black to black
i did it it’s worth that little key what’s going on
what you’re trying to do here we’re going down we’re going down
like he will straight up patronize he goes right to
cause what up cause like right away
these guys are handcuffed is this his gun even real
does he keep real bullets in his guns i don’t need
zany let him have bullets in his gun
i’m so weird about that show just to me it just seems like i’m
getting i mean
i kind of understand okay
he has real martial arts training
gotcha he’s got real firearms training gotcha
he would bring exposure to your police force okay
i see where you’re coming from
i can kind of understand
how they would be willing to have him as a cop
but it’s strange
you know it’s like you think
the people would be smarter you think
the people would be like do you think in israel
they would let some of us just along be a cop
in israel do you think they would let him go
you could be twelve year old and be here
well it would make you
but you know i’m saying do you think they would
take an actor and
i don’t know let him do that no yeah
they might think that listen
they said they’d be like in a game in the movie yeah
they might say no joke how about this the gall is is
an expert in every episode awesome shit that he’s like he’s like
you know i would train a dogs
and then he’s playing the blues really you play the blues well
you know what’s funny
there was a spy magazine article about him
about his background about how
a guy was claiming that his background was fabricated
and that there was a dude who really worked for the cia
in southeast asia
and segal
medam and sergal started telling this guy’s stories as his own
he just started doing this guy’s life yeah
that did a great movie yeah oh yeah well
i do this completely full of shit
but he’s not totally full of shit because he really is like this
high level aikido blackbell
i mean akio is kind of a silly martial art
but he’s really like a high level akioba i do
think that that’s completely true an accurate
and i do believe that he is a little out of his mind yeah well
he’s definitely i was mine
but i mean how many people have you ever met in show business
that aren’t out of their mind no
but when you become an action superstar and i think
he kind of wanted to be
the characters in the movies he was playing like
he wanted to be out for jessica real after he did that shit
and he was like i’m gonna go be a cop
you know
he acts like i just said i’m just another cop no you’re not
you’re fucking six so crazy
i’ve been training eagles to wear hats for twenty years
you got where the ponytail was very disappointed
i was hoping he was gonna rock the ponytail
the ponytail kind of makes it with him man there’s something
about him having that ponytail
it makes him look more like samurai style you know yeah
i like that ponytail i think he should rock that shit
i just realized what it is about his films
the expression that he’d never had in the film and i was always
kind of wondering what he’s never been out of breath
like he never you know i mean his face was always in control
even after finally tendu to turn the last dude
and not be brief well how about the one
with kelly lebrock where he was in a coma
for like years
and then he came out of coma and just
got some fucking acupuncture
and did some meditate next i’m gonna always punch
in bricks and shit and running uphills on back
back in shape like he gets back in shape
after being in a coma for years
he gets back in shape like a couple days you know
he’s punching the makiwar out there in the desert and shed
doing his forms meditating
incense hilarious he’s pleased your show on the air oh
he’s genius man his movies are even better man
his movies are goddamn classic
i ordered some movie called the room
people have been telling me about this movie for years
i’ve heard
so many people recommend it as like the worst movie ever
like the best worst movie ever
my copy comes tomorrow
looking forward to it’s going to the room
i saw the patent nazlon
i don’t want to see that
i’m sure it’s hilarious i’ll see that after i see it
but i don’t want to give anything away apparently this movie is
so bad that it’s like insanity
like you watch it and you start screaming
and you like rewind is rewind
you guys want to watch it yeah and those watch it next week
there’s another one called richard heat yeah
what are you doing on
friday doing anything on friday during the day yeah
do anything friday during the day
right i don’t know
let’s watch that shit
let’s have a bunch of people
over and watch it it’s supposed to be the worst movie
all the time supposed to be genius
geniusly shitty brian can you order richard heat
you guys have to see it richard heat order it
is it on dvd
i think so i’ve seen the trail at the extension of heat oh
you saw
me the preview of it and i laptop was that yeah
yeah that’s hilarious
that’s real it’s a full length film that’s funny
one of you guys gonna broadcast an hd on justin tv
justin tv has hd this roll hard character
on the rogue board says they do he doesn’t have it
they don’t have it for mac
and it’s not
they don’t have it from matt i don’t think it’s really hd
it’s not really hd
but all these guys have better
video quality on pcs really
well why don’t we start running in front of pc
let’s run boot camp and boot camp here
i don’t mind putting boot camp is it that big with deal
it’s not hard right
i had it on this computer and
it was just knocking
brian hates windows
i just don’t want to put windows on my laptop
you’re like a big fan of windows one wrong email my shit’s all
maybe we should get a pc just to do this
should we get a pc just to do this maybe
i might buy a computer for you faggots how about that
what a confusing message daddy sends us
who call us all faggots
kind of a fucking show is this
brian did you have
apples wade like when they were first coming out
were you into them then
like when we were at apples well
i mean elementary school i had i used an apple one to disney
i’m saying where did you like them then
i like them back then but
i grew up with pcs just because i was a broke ass
build my own computers and stuff like that
you build your own computers
i can still do that
and that scares you
i made a couple computers
i built a couple computers from scratch
what the fuck are you guys man well
i mean i’m not
good at it i need someone to help me along the way like
my friend andrew’s
psycho genius and he knows that
he used to make computers for a living
and i could always call him like dude i’m fucked up
i didn’t flash the bios help me tell him what to do here
you know i could get
but it’s not that hard it’s like once you understand
that a motherboard is for a certain cpu
and you know that they match and you know how to put it on
and you have all the pieces
you know where it goes
then you know where the memory goes
then you know where the hard drive goes it’s not that hard
and then the hard part is getting it to boot up loading windows
and then getting all your peripherals you
keyboards on that shit
to sink up at least it used to be back in the windows
you know
ninety five and ninety eight days that was when i started
that’s when i was making computers
but i would make my own pcs
we just go to fries and buy a box
sounds really intimidating it’s not that hard man
it’s really not that hard it’s really plugging
because i don’t know any coding i don’t know
when i would like go into
i knew like command
prompts for certain things in windows you know
i knew how to ping servers and stuff like that but there’s most
shit i didn’t know and most shit was just
things that friends told me all right
read a book on or something like that it’s a lot easier now
to jumper settings yeah
it was oh yeah there was always and you had to have
the memory and the right slot or it wouldn’t boot right
you know
you put the memory in the wrong slot it didn’t recognize it
because they have to start with this one yeah
frequencies cannot match with the video cards can yeah
and then if you got crazy once you really got cocky
you started overclocking your shit
you know you’re like well
you know it says three hundred megahers
but i think i’d get out three fifty and not burn it out
but nowadays i just like max yeah
it’s way easier for creative work
and stuff it’s way easier but
they’re way more expensive
you know as long as you’re not stupid
it really don’t mac mini so
you can get a referved for four hundred dollars that’s way
faster than any
right but if you want to get a laptop man you get a
badass fucking laptop for twelve hundred bucks from windows
from mac you
get the macbook
which is like a thousand bucks and it’s pretty good
man twelve hundred bucks you can get a windows laptop that has
blu ray
and has one terabyte fucking hard drive
you know they have more shit man that
you get more bang for your buck if you buy
a windows one
more shit for your pennies
you know that the quality is not as good
i mean the thing about max is like you get
like one of those power books
like the keyboards badass
like the way it’s the form factors like really
solid like the build qualities excellent
like sometimes you get a pc laptop and it’s like plastic
and it feels like it’s falling apart you’re definitely
somewhat like
sony’s my favorite pc yeah
there’s you know there’s high end companies man
there’s high end companies that make like dope shit
but it’s important to have a bunch of different options man
it’s important for you know
there’d be a windows and a mac and a linux and a eunuch and
it should be more there should be more different
things that people could choose from make these motherfuckers
come out with the best shit quickest you know
look how much better windows is now why because of max os ten
you know
they had to catch up they had to come up with those cool shit
you know all this stuff that looks cool to look at you know
i mean that’s all that is
people think that’s nonsense
i don’t need that i just need a computer to work
that’s all fun
it’s a part of the experience it makes the experience
it gives it more flavor you know
just regular computing i like
the when you go down to an application and it bounces up and
when you load it
it goes doing doing
yeah it’s part of an experience of avenue yeah
it’s fun
you know it’s horrible it was using a pc the other day
and it says you have updates
click here to restart
or it says restart later
and you’re like no i don’t want to restart now restart later
every three minutes that same window will pop up
like there’s no way to just say hey
leave me alone
i’ll restart it when i want to this is not a pc yeah
this isn’t a pc it can’t stop time
no no i forgot how annoying that used to be
is like we start later we start now
you know yeah
it’s like come on i said we start later a million
times they’re definitely not up to where wind
where mac is
but i think they’re a lot closer than they used to be
i think window seven is supposed to get pretty goddamn close
just guys asking about mark emory
a couple people are asking about them
someone was saying the mark emory the prince of pot
arjay leblanc
another guy saying as a canadian
i’m ashamed we’re extraditing mark emory it’s a black eye
he’s a dude in canada that was selling pot seeds
he was selling seeds just seeds on the internet
and seeds you know italy no store
and you sell them all over the world the united states
they wanted him arrested for being a drug dealer
personal seeds personal seeds
now they’re gonna charge like major
millions and dollars in trafficking
you know
there’s all the seeds that could have been turned into pot
and could have been sold
and he’s a drug dealer fucking seeds for a plant i mean
it is so amazing
it’s so amazing that they could pull that shit off
you know
i mean it’s the dumbest thing ever there’s the whole idea
that you can have anything
that doesn’t affect other people and you can make it illegal
you can make anything illegal that doesn’t why why
how the fuck can you tell one person
with a kenneck can’t experience
i mean it’s pretty incredible but yeah you can buy those
it’s mind boggling that this is still going
on i would have thought that with the internet and everything
that this would all be fixed by now
like there’s so much more access to information
there’s so much more transparency we know like how everything
you know supposed to be in place we know the real
history behind pot and
why how is it still here
how’s that still going on tom fix that
do it fix it fix it bitch do it right now
i’m not gonna fix anything tom squirrel got down
it’s crazy it’s like constitution page two page two
two thousand ten
it’s like when are we
not gonna have bad words when are we not gonna have
ridiculous laws
you can’t for sure
you can’t just go and make drugs legal
that can’t happen
then people are going to sell the drugs everywhere there’s one
thing that’s good
about drugs being illegal
the only thing that’s good about it is that it’s hard
for those people to move around
like when you’re talking about
heroin and math and shit like that
it’s hard for them to sneak around and sell that shit
like if you watch that documentary there’s documentary on
oxycontin called the oxycon express
it’s about florida where they have
no database in florida so anybody can just
get a doctor’s prescription and go to these health management
clinics and you get
some oxycon
you can go like a mile down the road to another one gets more
and another one go yeah
they don’t have
a database connecting all these patients together
so these all these people have problems with oxycontins
and they have like
it’s a one stop shop
they have the doctor in the pharmacy right there in the place
so you go in you see the doctor
the doctor gives you a prescription
you go right next door you get some heroin
i mean it’s fun but nuts man you know what’s amazing is that
with weed is that obviously the reason when reason
anything exists is because it generates
cash flow you know people make money off of having something
legal or e legal or why they allow something
because you can make money from it
it makes you wonder
wouldn’t they eventually make more money
with we being legal like
isn’t that something that could be
wouldn’t be profitable for everybody the problem
is you can’t control it
see if you’re selling gasoline
i mean
you can’t just get gasoline man you gotta go to the dude who is
buying it from the dude who’s pumping it
i mean or the one company that’s pumping it
and refining it and then shipping it and
it’s fucking very hard what do you take control
that i’m saying that you know business structure well
the problem you would have is you would probably
have some sort of a deal
that’s very similar to what they have with farmers right now
was like with farmers
like say if you have like corn
you buy like corn scenes from
monsanto or whatever the fucking you know
those companies are that are
you know huge
crop companies
well they own those seeds
man you can’t like extract those seeds
from this year’s crop and then
plant them again next year
no they’ll they’ll fucking sue you if you do that right
like you’re not allowed to use those seeds again
they like lease you those seeds for like a season
it’s really pretty crazy like they patent plants
and the thing about genetically modified
you know foods
like there’s there’s two concerns
people out they could have to concern about diseases
because like these things are immune because
they’re not natural you create them
and what if they get diseases and what if
those diseases are transmittal to humans
or whatever you know
what what if
but if you know there’s
animals that eat them and they get sick and you
know whatever
that’s one concern of people out
but the other concern is that someone’s gonna own
the patent to fucking plants
you genetically modify
like a type of corn or a tomato or something like that
you get those seeds to a certain level you want them
you can fucking copyright those that’s my corn
yeah that’s their shit
that’s unbelievable
so like if someone in another farm
down the road
like you know maybe somehow other seeds got into
his farm and they find that
you know
this guy is illegally growing corn with their seeds
they can put that guy in jail
for fucking seeds
how did anybody allow that to happen
so if
there was weed would there just be too much cross
I don’t know
I mean I just think at a certain point time
the monkey would be out of the cage
if weed became legal
the problem is once weed becomes legal
you’re never gonna get that genie back in the hole
you would have to they would have to have some massive
government campaign of propaganda and disinformation
where people were smoking weed and
jumping off cliffs and
you know and shooting themselves in the head
they would have to do something like that
we’re we’re mass
chaos is falling because the marijuana
today is too strong
and you would have like fucking
dan rather when we talk it is you so love
he’s alive you would have one of those dudes on tv
you know talking about how this
mass suicides or happening all across the country
directly linked to this new
alaskan ak 47 weed being sold in Southern California
in tacos my brother was doing great
then just start smoking weed and
jumped from the biggest car you can find
you waited what you’re standing on the side of the road
I’m like what are you doing man
we could get a run across the highway look not yet
not yet they ran boom so you couldn’t take anymore
that’s how good the weed is
and that’s what we would see night day every day
it was just until
the president got on tv and said
obviously we made a mistake
we need to pull back
we need to gather off our resources
we need to look at this intelligently
we’ve got a situation
we made it we tried it
didn’t work out okay
we know what’s best for our country
we know what’s best for our country
we did make $100 billion first yeah before
but now we’re gonna pull the plug on
I think the problem
is that the money would get distributed the wrong way
you know
we live in a company we live in society right now
that’s controlled by a series of companies
and these gigantic corporations like oil companies and
they have
they’re making so much money doing it this way
that there’s no incentive whatsoever to change
it would have to be a moment where
they knew that we’re on
like peak oil place
you know where
literally we’re running out of
petroleum like there’s no more left in the world
there’s no way we can keep this going
and if we ever got to that space
then they would have to do something
but until they do they’re not going to change shit man
if you
switch to an agriculture based society
that’s running off
you know corn ethanol and you know
and you can make fuel at a hamp too man
you can make all kinds of fuel
you can make oils out of hamp
you can make plastic out of hamp you can make
a particle board that’s like five times stronger than
most wood like hamp that’s like a
really strong wood
it makes incredible paper it makes incredible cloth
and it’s all illegal
it should really be like way further along
with solar power
isn’t that really effective
it’s not as easy as it looks really yeah
it’s hard to extract energy from the sun like that
very difficult
I mean
they’re much more fishing at it now than they were
just a few years ago
you know but it’s still not quite there
it’s very
I know about it because we were looking into it
when I was living in colorado
you can’t quite
power a house on solar power it’s very hard
you have to have a lot of panels
and to go straight solar
it has to be sunny a lot
like if it snows and rains for a few days you know
you ain’t getting any light
my dad had it set up
he built his own
solar collectors and put it on his house and he just
had it just so it heated his water
and he’s gonna
I guess
do it sometime in the future and have it do something
like that word
this is only going to do this you know
but but still it’s like hey heat
you know my friend tom did it in Oregon
and he used windmills
right and he had so much power he was generating
probably selling back
yeah come on
yeah how many more people aren’t doing that
it’s not cheap man
he was a director
he was a director and he had a lot of money and
he had a badass farm up there
and he put it all together
that’s incredible yeah pretty interesting
I have
so much power installing a bag of the power company
he was a smart dude very very selfish he was funny man
he’s one of the few men that I’ve ever met in my life
that does not like kids
had kids and does not like them really yep
I think they start hating them
12 he had kids who said it ruined his relationship
said it wasn’t fun
it goes totally changes the whole relationship
I don’t like kids
he’s got this new wife after he divorced his wife
and you know
the kids are full row and divorce his wife
got some new chicken
didn’t want to kids
he goes in I like her just fine we get a long terrific
I’m not gonna bring in kids and fuck this up
I think his kids just change the whole relationship
the movie director tv director
it’s a character man
but yeah they don’t quite have it to the point we can
be totally self sufficient on it’s just solar power
but couldn’t like
let’s say even if the isn’t I’m saying the wind
you know power
so effective that like at least the government would
invest more and using that like maybe not
every individual person
they would want to use that more because it’s cheaper
I mean then over time buying
I don’t know if it works that way because I think
in order to have enough power from windmills
to power your house and keep all your shit going
you have to have pretty significant windmills
you know
like you can’t have it for an apartment building
for everybody in the fucking building
that’s going to be using all that power
for an office building
it’s like no you need more power than that
you’re not gonna have
windmills are gonna power a fucking office building
you’re gonna need like a whole field windmills you know
it’s gonna be ridiculous
to the point where it’s not economically viable
I guess they have to
they have to consider all that shit
I think the problem is once we have a solution
we kind of like stop looking how to have
you know a different way to do it like
you know people go well
you know
we need to figure out cars that run on anything else
but we got cars to run on gas
they’re pretty badass
and I really don’t really want to fuck with cars that
run on hydrogen
I mean
they only get to the point where they have to do it
I think the future
because it seems like right now we’re having
so much electronics that we’re using more and more
and more and more power
but I think once the future catches up
technology catches up we’re going to have
less and less
we’re not going to have a stereo and a phone in a tv
and we’re just going to have one
thing that does all this shit
we could do it perfect
I think you could have balanced itself out
so you know yeah maybe maybe
but you know I wonder
when they have like electric cars like they have that
tesla you know that tesla electric car
it’s interesting it doesn’t handle that well
one of the reasons why it doesn’t handle that well
is because there’s someone that’s weight in the back
right there’s all these batteries in the back
and in the front
there’s like nothing
battery technology seems to be the one thing that’s
kind of hit a wall completely
but I think
you know it’s just one invention away from going
over that wall right right right
yeah I think you’re right
I think they’re gonna come out with some
fucking crazy new thing
that allows you to get like 1 million times more
information on
a single cell
can hold more at this battery last five years yeah
the battery will never die yeah
you imagine
but if you crack it open it makes a black hole
it eats the end
you will lose your penis
you break this battery
you know it’s covered in the same
shit that wolverine’s bones are made out of it
at mandyum you know
you can’t get through it with bullets
you can run over with a car and it won’t break
if it did break
but whoever invents who breaks that battery wall is a
like that’s the guy
bill gates of whatever it’s like the scene lost
blow up
yeah yeah we’re gonna
we’re there’s gonna be something within our lifetime
that’s gonna be so
mind blowing that it’s gonna change everything
you know and you like
we were talking about this google thing
google buzz that you know was talking about how Twitter
like I was hoping Twitter was gonna be it right
but like
what I didn’t even know about Twitter two years ago
I didn’t know about Twitter I never even heard of it
what’s funny is I knew about Twitter for a while
and I would use it
but then I was not that good
then something everyone started using it
same just caught the fuck on
I think also people realize it’s better to make people
give them a limited amount of characters to choose
well that’s what this google bud
that’s what’s with this google buds it takes away that
it does yeah and it’s like it’s like how
long can you type for I don’t think there is a
I don’t know but
here’s the difference between for the most part like
entertaining videos but people post online
like if someone’s like check out
someone’s like and that’s somebody I know
it’s like and I look
and it’s the time post starts getting up there like
it’s about his 8min shore
I don’t want to watch this right
yeah make it short
this is more like this is more like a Facebook
adding facebook’s status updates I guess to
like mix with Twitter
people are gonna write fucking novels in this shit man
yeah that is a problem
man people fuck goddamn for boats
I get emails for people with no paragraphs just these
floods of information
that they just love to hear theirselves talk
what the shitty thing though is
it takes their
email address and takes all your contacts and makes it
your friends and stuff like that
so what sucks is if you have your
you know of course this only works on some people
but if you have a girlfriend
and then you have your mistress
and you have your mistress mom that will bang in also
and then you have all these three people that are now
friends and reading each other’s Twitter
Facebook pages
and it just automatically does that too
right when you sign up
it’s like automatic
well this is one of the things
we talked about a long time ago is
that we’re getting to a point where there will
be no more secrets
or it’s going to be impossible I mean the convergence
of information
from your life to my life
and all the things that you know
and all the things that I know
all things I’ve seen you’ve seen
we’re going to share those eventually
those things are all going to come together
and there’s not going to be any secrets
we’re going to get to a point
in the not so distant future
where people are
literally going to be able to reach those minds
and it’s going to be great
I think that we’re getting to some strange time
right now in our society in our culture
in our species
we’re getting to some strange time
we’re just dabbling in the edges of
some new crazy great thing
that’s going to change everything
I mean don’t you feel like that when you see the news
you hear about shit they’re doing
like with a large hydrant collider
or you think what all the scientific experiments going
on all the shit they’re doing with harp and
don’t you feel like I always feel like we’re at
kind of like at that fork where we’re either
we’re about to like experience
something great
or like there’s impending doom and like
some awful systems
I mean people have always
felt like that too because we’re so dumb
we will occasionally fuck up and
shatter everything
you know I mean look at what happened in world war ii
look at the fact that we really did
drop atomic bombs on people
yeah I mean that’s so nonspecific
I mean we hit entire cities
I mean we weren’t trying to just go after the military
we drop
giant weapons of atomic destruction on entire cities
I mean that’s putting incredible inspiration
it was like 9 11 for them and for like Hawaii
when they drop bombs on Hawaii that was like 9 11
70 years ago that’s not
I mean most times we talk about that’s nothing great
you talk you know
hundred two years ago yeah civil war and chefs
yeah really racist 70 years ago ain’t shit man
that’s crazy you know
do you imagine
twitters and what it came to wearing back then
of all that
you know what I really interested is when you look into
history and not so distant history
like look into like the 19 sixties
and you see some of the shit that they were planning
like operation northwards
you know if you ever read that operation northwood
they were going to make
fake attacks on american civilians
and they’re going to attack quantanamo bay
and tell people it was the cubans
and so that we get everybody fired up
the world with cuba
freedom of information act it’s operation northwoods
that sounds really interesting
it’s got to be bucks that’s crazy oh yeah
it’s definitely exciting
it was just released recently because
the freedom information act yeah
it’s like
you know like what they were able to do back then
in the fifties and the sixties
like in the fifties
the government did a thing called operation
midnight climax
where they opened up brothels
and they dosed people with lsd that johns
these dudes would go there to fuck these hookers
they would go to these houses
they were run
by the fucking cia in New York in San Francisco
and they would
doubt these guys with acid
and then just like study them and take notes
these guys were on acid in a whorehouse
they just went after work to get their dick socked and
they went on a 12h trip of death and destruction
why are you fucking with that guy
this is one thing incredible
and this is something
that was like a real experiment for cia ran
people send you some people send me things
I learned about some stuff on Twitter
people send me some good show on Twitter
I learned about some stuff from my message board
learn about some stuff from interesting friends that
you know read an interesting article
and they’re like dude you have to check this out
this you know
this guy made a fucking
artificial finger and reattached to him
there’s always something nutty that some
guys figuring out or some study that people are doing
you know
it’s amazing how much shit is out there if you really
start looking
please tell me something interesting
go to my board
you guys see this dog fuck this chicken
yeah you guys see the puppy
puppy grabs his chicken drags it into
his doghouse and so I was fucking the shit out of it
and the chickens are like are you fucking chittin me
and the chicken tries to get away
the puppies like fitz
the puppy grabs and bites them
pulls them back in as I was fucking them
one of my favorite videos out
it’s outstanding what about brian put it up
brian’s gonna put it up and I’ll retweet it
it’s like a little little
could be a lab who knows one of this
what is it a little white dog
yeah it’s like a little
could be a beagle
no yeah looks like
jack brussel or rare maybe I don’t know
who knows it’s a puppy
it’s hard to tell what the hell they are
when they’re puppies
it’s a cheap little fellow though I’ll tell you that
she fell fucking the chicken
you know like that’s what nature is really all about
is another video that I put on my Twitter recently
it was a wall or sucking his own dick
that’s cool
it was outstanding man I hear they will crush
their own young if they see some pussy they want
like on the other side of the beach
really yeah like if
their own young can be in the way they will trample
and crush them oh we get late
that’s how hard
it has to find pussy in the walrus world
yeah man
think about that you’re willing to kill your baby for
something that looks like walrus yeah
it looks exactly the wallace was sucking his own deck
it was ridiculous
his dick looked like dave chappelle’s leg
was like this long
and his walrus is just deep throughout his own cock
I put that on my Twitter as well
it’s pretty fascinating man
all right I just posted the video
the dog fucking a chicken on my Twitter
I think I put it up last
night so I don’t know if I should retweet it
shut is that what is the rule on that
I think there’s ants in my butt orica
I could feel either that or just have an itch
it could be holy coffee cup has ants over
wow I got an ant problem here brian
all right
I’m not gonna retweet that you can find that shit well
it was just for brian and I know what
it has been messing with me all they’re up there
I got an aunt problem
motherfuckers you know what it is
it rains when it rains in la they all come
trying to find dry ground
and then all the ants of their outside
eaten dead birds and shit
now they’re inside
little motherfucker spray raid around or whatever
I will tonight
it’s amazing how it answer like these
little monsters that live in your world
and you allow them to live in your world
because they’re tiny
you know because of ants were big
we would have fucking gigantic problems
could you imagine the ants were like the size of
rag rats
imagine if they were that big
you know how terrifying that would be
ants would rip your arms off if they were that big
advanced with size of rats they’re so strong they
would mangle you
they would
drag you to the top of a tree and drop you off
we would all be dead we would all be dead
and they’re just
that’s just
you know a few thousand times bigger than they are
we just
deal with the fact that they’re in our little world
in these colonies
we don’t even know how to communicate with each other
and they all follow in a fucking straight line
back to the hive
and they got a queen in there
and there’s larva and eggs and that little
fucking cunt she’s shitting out
new baby ants constantly while we’re here talking
somewhere in my house
somewhere in my house I have to find out where it is
and there’s something going on here somewhere under
plates somewhere
can handle how much hundreds of times their body weight
yeah hundreds of times they’re monsters
if ants were like
full size like this is like size of a human or a
dog or something like
that they would literally like a scene from the alien
they would rip people apart and eat you live
they would have no problem killing you
I mean there are heartless emotionless monsters
you know these have to be little monsters
but so are most animals
you know most animals are
I mean you ever seen like
shit chimps will do to each other
you know you see shit that dogs will do to each other
or you know
animals cannibalizing on each other
this shit happens all the time the animal chimps rip
rip other chimps apartment kill the limbs out
got to eat them
and they will if you like chips chips
campbellize their babies too
sometimes are they their babies
yeah I know they’ll peel
they will peel chunks
of skin off of you like it’s fucking bacon strips
man yeah they’re so strong they’ll mangle you
you’re like an old sheet to them
there was
a chimp recently
a bonobo
bonobles were supposed to be the really peaceful ones
they got a video footage or a bonobo female
cannibalizing her dead baby
her baby died she just started eating it
you know
that’s dark dude yeah
that’s dark that’s bloopy shit
all right let’s take some questions here
I think we’re already over the 2h mark
yeah we’re right
how do you do it
we two and a half hours grow it’s so fascinating
such a good talk here and it’s 589 people
we’re up to seven eight
here’s a good question this guy asks
nick tkb 2000
what do you think about hollis gracie getting fed up
hollis gracie is
the great gracie
the greatest gracie ever
supposedly this got hollis gracie who was like the guy
was one of hickson’s original training partners
his son just entered the ufc and lost this weekend
and everybody’s like
real down on the guy because he
didn’t have a very good performance
and his
fight you know
he got he got kind of beat up
and everybody expected more from him
but it ain’t easy man
it’s not an easy fucking sport
you go in there
there’s tremendous amount of pressure on these guys
and it’s hard for people to deal with
you know and some people that they need to be
you know they need to have some bad
bad experiences so that they learn from it
and then you know
either bounce back
or realize this isn’t what I want to do
you know but some people
that they just
don’t realize they are the magnitude of the event
till they actually
get there till they’re under the bright lights
and they’re actually
fight the guy and they’re like holy shit
like what did I get myself into
that’s gonna be so crazy
yeah the adrenaline dump is tremendous you know
he’s so nervous and so much adrenaline pumps out and
that’s why gallic randicoteuro
such incredible endurance
one of the reasons besides the fact
that he trained so hard is that the dude is so relaxed
he’s been there so many times
when he gets in there he’s not freaking out
dumb question cannabis
equals weed yes yes cannabis equals weed
yeah you know the funny thing
when marijuana was made illegal
people think most people don’t even know this
the congress didn’t even know they were making
marijuana illegal
or they didn’t know they were making cannabis illegal
rather cannabis was like a hemp was
used it for fiber
they used it to make clothes and all kinds of different
things and when
it was made illegal it’s because
they started printing in the paper stories
saying that
blacks and mexicans were smoking his new drug
and they were raping white women
and that’s what got people into
that’s how gut people behind the whole anti
marijuana movement
that’s where reefer madness all that shit came from
so I have those posters up on my wall
I’ve got all those videos reefer manic
they’re goddamn hilarious
they’re amazing if you haven’t seen them
you guys see what kind of shit they put out
and they put it out just because
they wanted to make sure that people didn’t
it’s like there’s a lot of bad things that can happen
if you’re in control and people get a hold of pot
and you know there’s good things to keeping it illegal
you know
you can make much more money with pharmaceutical drugs
you can sell people
what you want to sell you can control those drugs and
you know you can’t control shit
marijuana becomes legal it’s something anybody can grow
it’s like real easy to grow
I’ve met idiots that grow bead
you know yeah it’s not hard
you know you can figure it out
people can’t get their life together at all
they can grow some weed
it’s just economics
that’s the real reason why marijuana is illegal
but blacks and mexicans will rate
white women if they do
smug white cops will rate by blown too
oh yeah but not this
same thing grow
reefer madness rocks I agree young man
it was also the paper company yes newspapers
yeah they was william randolph hurst
william randoff hurst owned the newspaper companies
he owned
you know hurst publications but he also earned owned
printing rather paper mills
and so he had like forest filled the trees
when they were wanted to convert everything
over to hemp paper
because hemp makes a much better paper
he did not want to do that
it would cost him millions of dollars
to fucked up his whole business
he would have to
chop all his trees down and start planting hemp
and then he’d be in competition with all these other
people that are making a paper
it was a economic decision
so when he was getting people
ban marijuana they didn’t even know they were banning
hemp this industrial
plant that they
had been using for hundreds and thousands years
it’s really kind of fascinating that
the propaganda that that guy created in
the 19 thirties when he owned all the newspapers
is really still in place today
I mean people still believe it today
it’s pretty brilliant business strategy too right
he was a motherfucker man
I mean that was
the guy that orson welles made that movie
rosebud about
no it was a movie citizen came
isn’t it is that used though
howard hughes
I thought it was william minor first
but yeah yeah yeah it’s hurst yeah so hurst is the one
yeah that’s the guy
I mean he was just like the guy
he was
like the first motherfucker that controlled everything
that is really fascinating
now that it was a paper because I got
I mean it doesn’t really amazing
bro you can chew it up with hands
I think you can relax fella
settle down
it was girls right now they’re yelling at you
girls are telling you suck it up it’s just an ant
you have ants in your asshole
oh damn dude so they said to you
mmm you do have dance in your ass well
I feel like I have at least two
to you and you’re kissing
hmm well this show’s going done how fast
way to go prawn
well it’s over 2h we should never go over 2h
don’t tell me what to do party
this is the groove
we’re in the groove right now to get to point
where it’s just like
you think
yeah that’s when you don’t have to watch it anymore
go tuning to something else
all right we’ll add answer one more question
then we’ll get the fuck out here
because you had almost 3h actually
brian’s getting phone calls
where are you
where are you brian
people who are watching the video
with the wall were suckers on deck
now see I told you
the shit is real homing
the shit is real it’s out there
you gotta watch it now
how come you haven’t watched already
because you’re not on the roman board
watch together
and the puppy in the chicken please
you can watch the puppy in the chicken now
this is the part
that if we were doing a podcast and was an audio
podcast I would say
we should edit out the last 20min
they didn’t talk about jack shit
that’s why I’m saying it should be that way
I think yeah we should time this motherfucker
we should time it for 2h ladies and gentlemen
because this is ridiculous
we’re bored you’re bored on board
so I think we’re gonna end now tom school
any last thing to say to all these nice people
join your Twitter
come on brother on my Twitter thank you very right
right me
come see me ad I’m here at
oh I’m at the nmor theater in Australia
oh shit I’m
at the nmor theater in Australia next Saturday night
thompson girl will be with me at the n more
theatre in Sydney
Australia so I can fosters
well yeah we’re throwing shrimps in the barbie
like a motherfucker
come to my website times cigarette com segura
joe rogan net is mine as he can spell it out on my shit
and am I doing a show in Boston and August
yes most of the time when there’s a ufc
I’ll do a show the day before the ufc
it’s very convenient
so that’s it
ladies and gentlemen thank you very much for tuning in
I know this shit is
haphazard that doesn’t start on time
and it goes too long
there’s a lot of rambling but
you know this is what it is attempts this shit is free
and I do it because I love you
and it’s fun thanks for being here tom screw
it’s always more interesting
right when it’s not just me talking to you
all right my friends
until next week we’ll see you next Wednesday
oh next Wednesday I got a flat Australia
so I’ll probably do this again next Tuesday
so holla back bitches
thank you very much and I’ll see you next week