the joe rogan experience
is all the right names on the bottom yep ready hit it
wearing bricks and
tell me where is sanity
bridge no more
ladies and gentlemen
welcome to the podcast
this podcast comes just a few days
after the passing of our good friend robert schimmel
hilarious comic a great guy
one of the nicest friendliest guys in in
whatever not even in the business his period
he was just
always fun to be around very witty very
smart just cool guy i really
enjoyed his company i
you know i enjoyed
watching him on
stage i enjoyed hanging
out with them the precious few times i got to and
last time i saw him was
a few months ago in
in california it was a
i think it was
right when i was getting back from
colorado i think i’m not sure but i you know
only i was just
happy that i got to see him
and then i heard this terrible news
i known he had a
bunch of health problems but
this had nothing
to do with that he was in a car accident
and unfortunately his
daughter was driving it’s just a horrible
tragic sad story and
i’m gonna miss that guy and i’m very
proud to have met him and
known him he was a
great guy and if you’ve
never seen his comedy
go just look for it on youtube there’s plenty of clips
just a really funny guy and it sucks
seems like comics really have to go through
other comics dying a lot you know
this is one profession that when
somebody dies it really affects the whole
community you know it’s not like when you’re a
mayor and another mayor dies all the mayors feel sad
about that mayor or something you know what i mean like
it seems like
i’m always hearing about another death of a
comic and that’s like
you’re losing somebody
great somebody’s ideas and
like when mitch
hedberg died that was so horrible for me
it was terrible
well i think
comics especially uh
comics especially really
appreciate other
comics they
know what it takes to get to that spot and they
i mean i’m always
in awe of anybody who’s really good
even though i’ve done it even though i’ve gotten
you know on
television and it
doesn’t matter whenever i see anybody who’s really good
especially if they’re totally different from me
i’m always like
wow look at that how’s that guy doing that
you know even though i do it
i’m still baffled by it
so you’re still
learning yeah
ladies and gentlemen this other
voice to my
right is my very good friend
tyler knight
and he is our
guest for this week’s podcast and very appropriately
tyler is a male
pornographic actor
and a very good dude i’ve
known him for many years
right how many years i know you know
i’m gonna say like two thousand
three two thousand
three we probably met at the bomb squad yeah
it’s a jujutsu gym in hollywood and
oh by the way this this
podcast and all podcasts sponsored by the flashlight
got one in here
i guess i need to pull
these out every time i talk about it
this is just the box
but this is
where it comes in
and inside this is a tube
see right there
you get to stick your
penis in that feels really good and you know what it’s
a lot better than
it’s a lot better than blow up dolls
could you imagine fucking this thing
this thing looks like
a wrap that you get for your pool that’s what it
smells like and feels like
that’s a wrap for your pool
how would you fuck a rat from your pool that
smells like fucking
i wonder if
you really fucking hard if you get a lot of friction
going on and
start to smell like burning plastic yeah
smells like i
yeah don’t think it kind of would
smell like burning plastic if you could
that would be your goal
that’s the joanna and
joanna angel one has all her
tattoos though
nice lisa’s got all her
tattoos you
could totally pretend that you were fucking her
way better off
ladies gentlemen with a
flashlight and if
you have a favorite pornographic actress just watch her
video and pretend make a little pretend
but it’s fantastic
way better than just jerking off
i’m a big fan
and i keep saying this people say
why you push the
flashlight so much they make you
no they do sponsor the podcast and we are supposed to
bring it up
but i am just telling you the
truth if i didn’t have this
thing of it and use it
i would tell everybody to fuck it
it’s way better than beating off and i know you do that
right stop being shy
right you have
your own sex toys
absolutely he’s got his own rubber dick out there son
do you use your own
uh like just flop around the
mouth or something what the fuck kind of
question is that son
now i use the
rubber dick on my finger like you know
football games and
stuff like that
you know number one
tyler is becoming
famous on the internet for his writing and it all
started out on
mixed martial arts com
which back then was mma tv
and tyler is
one of the few high profile guys who’s out there
that uses his real name
in his posts and
doesn’t give a fuck and just talk to anybody
about anything
you know there’s
not a lot of guys that do that anymore it’s it’s hard
you know you
get criticized people fuck with you they insult you
death threats
yeah i’m sure you must have gotten
everything right and
while while this is all
going on he made this thread
uh about uh
did someone make the thread or did you
make it uh someone made the thread i saw it i figured
and then you
start posting it it was all about
what it’s like to be a porn star and
these fucking stories
are so well written dude and riveting
and like so fucking there and graphic
that one that you
wrote about the
bukkake line
about getting paid was it
fifty bucks yeah
fifty bucks i mean this is some of the most intense
shit i’ve ever read like as i’m reading i’m like ah
because he’s not just like saying like hey
you know i’m a guy i’m
gonna go beat on this girl for
fifty bucks when i go beat off on her
no that’s not what he’s saying he’s like
going through the
psychology of
where he is as a man
while he’s in
this line and this is not what he intended or ever
planned just
a situation unfolded itself like this and here he is
stepping on dude’s goo
and trying to
see if he can get a hard on and seeing all
these other guys grunting and
smelling and
whoa and it’s real
you i mean this is real
real shit man
and i know you’re
doing a lot of writing now and you are
you have a blog what’s the blog it’s
tyler night com
tyler night com okay and if you go there he has
all these stories up and they’re fucking
great stories
thanks they’re real i know you really put a lot into it
i know you’ve
been doing a lot of writing lately and man
it’s fun to read they’re
great and it’s you’re
gonna get discovered dude for sure and
anybody out there if you’re some sort of a publisher
and you’re looking for the next
thing you looking for something crazy
you gotta jump on this dude
trust me just go to
tyler night com and read the blog the stuff is
fantastic and it’s legit
i mean he’s a guy he’s a real fucking porn star
you know but also a
great writer and
i think you’re
gonna use that to
transition yourself out of that
world i guarantee you are i know you are
i know you’re
dedicated to it you’re fucking pushing at it
every day and you’re really talented man
thanks brother
it’s really good
stuff yeah it’s
funny when i
started that when i
started posting on that thread on
mma dot tv back in the day it was
really just you know venting just getting shit off my
chest and the
things like 3 000 posts now
just fucking
ask yeah i was on there i remember reading it was
great five star thread
it’s great because
tyler is unlike a lot of you know
there’s a lot of guys that are in the business there’s
a guy who actually just posted on my message
board recently
he just got out of it i’m
i don’t wanna go find the dude’s name but
he he just got out
it was a post it was on like two
nights ago or last
night maybe
yeah anyway this guy done it for five years and he’s
like i’m fucking girls way out of my league and he had
crazy stories about
do it in columbia
is in columbia like
teaching these guys how to fuck like on camera
and that they had
these dudes in the room with
machine guns and shit they were trying to make porn
but they were
trying to they couldn’t get the dudes to perform good
so now they were trying to get
into a porn
better no no
the people behind it were all they all obviously had
businesses and they needed to protect themselves
they weren’t just doing porn
so they had a
flu they flew him in to
teach these
other porn guys how to fuck correctly
so he’s like i
gotta perform in
front of these dudes machine guns
and i don’t even
speak spanish it’s a fucking
crazy story man
jesus christ
those stories are
great man jesus christ you know and there’s a
funny thing
about porn we’ve talked
about porn on the show
a lot you know it’s a subject that
always comes up because to me it’s it’s fascinating
when something that everybody loves to do is
taboo for others to see
and for you to perform in for you to do
it’s like who
doesn’t like
sex if you don’t like sex is probably something
wrong with your body right
so what is the big fucking deal
about having sex on camera and why
why do people trip
about it so hard
well nowadays it’s
it’s like a career move
it’s yeah right
you have heidi and spencer
shopping their sex tapes to viv and what not and
it’s like it’s like what are you
gonna have next like fucking
disney people or whatever you know when
their career
starts to low a little bit when they get old like
25 yes but if we’re
lucky yeah if we’re
lucky we’re
gonna get that
i don’t think there’s anything
wrong with that
i don’t think it’s the next that’s the next
level this who
would have ever thought this kim
kardashian thing
would have ever gotten this far
i know a guy
that does that for a living he has a website that does
hollywood sex
tapes and he tells me the offers he has on his table is
ridiculous like he’s got like 20 lindsay lohans
dude actually i got called a
couple years
just out there
freaking out on camera
high on heroin
sucking dicks on camera all over the world
somebody filmed it with
their trio oh man i
think i i never
watched the the kim
kardashian sex tape
until i watched it the
other day oh it’s great
and i was like this
bitch is really sucking dick on camera
i hear she has this
giant celebrity now she’s on allura magazine
and because it is a
released sex tape it was released
against her will
leaked sex tape
never mind of
course they’re not but because of that it’s acceptable
but if you just go straight into it like
upset at this montana fishburn
this girl who is lawrence fishburne’s
daughter who’s nineteen years old
very attractive girl
everything except for her ass her ass looks
like a shot with buckshot
you see that
it’s hail damage
there’s car repaired
tornado chasers yeah that
bitch got hit with
some birdshot
her asshole
but everybody’s
freaking out
her because she did it on purpose she said i am
going to go do this
i’m going to do this because i seen
other people do it
and they they became famous
which is not the best tactic but
tweaking on her but if it was just a release sex day
i’ve gotten calls dude
of people saying hey
tyler you wanna make a sex tape with i’m not
gonna say the name x y z celebrity whatever you know
you know jump
start a career and i’m like you’re fucking kidding me
right no really really
wow so it’s yeah you’re
right it happens all the time
there must the people who just
wanna be famous like the you know
the the people who out there just trying to find some
angle on getting
famous well
exactly fucking
crazy world that is
or you’re just sitting there calculating
what should we do
should make a sex tape
we should make a sex tape we can fake my death
it’s fake i’m
drowning now
think of all the
other five or six
things on the list fuck that
twenty things in the list you get to before
that comes up to be a viable option yeah
it starts off at applebee’s and goes to
olive garden then it
starts getting
worse than people
not wanting to do the normal nine to five job
what can i do
real quick make
money i can’t be working at the
olive garden i was looking at people
magazine the
other day and they had one of the real
housewives from
new york new york i
think on she’s got
seven of babies like my baby
saved my life i’m like
bitch who are you
what is this your baby
saved your life
this is crazy
i’m sure your baby
saved your life and i’m
happy your baby
saved your life
but really right really
i mean i’m happy you’re a
happy person but
is this what we need to talk
about here in people fucking magazine
you’re just
gonna find someone who just sums someone
some dude just
it’s not even a singer
it’s not like an actor it’s not a writer
it’s just a person
some guy living somewhere
like i always thought that
those magazines when they talked
about people
there was some sort of an interesting fascinating story
but that’s not what it is now
now it’s just people
getting people to pay attention to them
and then they make
money off it
they’re just fucking people
there’s no art there
there’s no singing there’s no dancing there’s no
writing there’s no
craft nothing
there’s not
they’re not
offering shit they’re just being themselves it’s
crazy that that’s that’s really here
well that’s it’s
funny said i mean we’re in a unique time right now
where the american middle
class dream is fucking
shrinking is
going down the toilet right
and at the same time
this this this is happening to the average american
you have this obsession
where you know we
value celebrity for nothing
you know with without merit whatsoever so
it’s pretty
interesting you know i mean what the what does that say
about us you know
i think we’re lost
yeah yeah i
think that’s one of the reasons why politicians
just to find doing crazy shit
they’re like
these monkeys are so out of
their fucking minds anyway look at what
they’re paying attention to look at what we’re doing
we can get them
to do whatever we want let’s just get them get the
money just get the money
take good care of them don’t do anything too crazy
but just get the
money and just they’ll do it they’ll do it yeah those
those common denominator like
generation ago was pretty much the
standard for it is
right now today yeah
and the access to information
and the you know the the internet and
everything is
is offered people more more ability to learn
but i think the
the bottom line is less people are
smart now like
the a smaller percentage
maybe but then we have
thirty years ago yeah but then
maybe you think the internet has made everyone more
smarter by you know
everyone using it everyone
using it yes everyone
using it yes but i
think people are resisting that i
think there’s a lot of people that are resisting that
then a lot of people are not
using the internet to find out information they’re
using it just for gossip
to using it
just to find out what he’s doing that she’s doing
i would like to know like what the percentage of
the internet
is just into people gossiping and bullshitting
about things google will sell you that information for
twenty dollars joe
because when i go to my message board
a good percentage of threads are on you know just
you know silly shit
gossipy shit yes become the new tv the new
get done with your hard day work sit in
front of this
thing and just like turn your
brain off that’s fucking addictive though man you ever
watch the real
housewives dude that
warehouse was atlanta got me
that one got me you know why because they went with
black chicks and
black chicks just made shit way more fun
crazy wig woman
white girl who the
white girl who had a wig on and
black girls who told that
bitch to shut the fuck up they’re always telling
shut the fuck up i even like that song that she did
you like that song i
did when she sang
remixed one i
heard it like
oh damn it i can’t believe it
you know what’s the best
remix ever the
rapist remix song
the rapist you know the antoine
you know that dude who
i think that
whole thing was set up
no no no no it
looks like a really bad act no no no no
it’s like a dude in looking
go find it find it brian
the guy was
god antoine dodson
and look up antoine
dodson he’s so fake
to me no no no it’s not fake it’s just a guy with a
weird personality
cause they interviewed him
the next time they just was hamming up for the camera
anyway some guy
tried to break into
an apartment to rape somebody
and this guy was there
and he’s like
you know we got a rapist
and you know in our
county and and he
starts going off
about we’ll find you
you know don’t worry
about the police we’ll find you and it’s
fucking hilarious
cause the guys like you know
uber femme and like
weird ghetto talk
and this is real
totally real
and then they remixed it and made it a song
you got it for me is this
is this the
remix version
i think so okay let’s see what we got
right now no
this is just an
early this morning
early this morning in the
500 block of webster
drive in huntsville
wf 48 elizabeth
jello caught up with the
victims elizabeth
emotions were running high
and mark the
woman the victim tells us they may leave
your house and
tried to rape
her brother
went in and he
tried to help
her out but the man got away leaving behind though
evidence of his visit
kelly dodson was asleep with a little girl inside their
apartment on webster
drive when i was attacked by
some idiot from out here in the projects
dodson says her attacker used a garbage can to
climb onto the unit’s
ledge open the
upstairs window and then he got in bed with her
he tried to rape
me he tried to pull my
clothes off
dodson struggled with her attacker
knocking over items in her bedroom antoine
dodson heard his
sister scream
and ran to help
well here we go obviously
we have a rapist
in linkin park
he’s climbing in your windows he’s
snatching your people up
trying to rape them so y’all need to hide your kids
hide your wife
and had your husband
because they raping everybody out here the attacker got
no it’s not fake
finger prints
and all you are so dumb
you are really dumb
for real a crime
scene investigator
photographed and dusted for
prints on the
lid of the garbage can and the window pane and ledge
dodson says he’s
never seen the perp before
but sends this warning to whoever
is responsible
you don’t have to
come and confess that you did we’re looking for you we
gonna find you i’m letting you know now
so you can run and tell that oh boy
oh come on now
go to the auto
tune version
police department will have much more
from the victims of that attack coming up tonight
i mean come on dude oh my that’s a real guy out there
oh my god that’s way more fascinating than
anything that’s in a movie man
we only got one channel yeah he’s climbing a window
we looking for you we gon
come on dude that’s fantastic that’s
dude that’s fucking
genius that’s genius
shit man that really is
genius i love the auto tune
shit that song is the best
one though that’s the best auto tunes one ever done
without a doubt
i’ve heard some good ones but that’s the shit some that
double rainbow shit i got into
yeah they’re
pretty good
they were pretty good but there’s
some there’s some an artistic quality to this one
and the way they
chose to put
piece it together
that’s fucking
brilliant man that’s just that’s an interesting
kind of brilliance
where there’s no one paying them to do that
you know no one’s no
no it’s not a big corporation behind that
there’s some fucking creative dudes online
that’s a good goddamn song yes it is i i buy that
you know it’s number eighty nine in the billboard chart
was number eighty
nine in the billboard singles charts yeah
it’s a fucking it’s doing well
the top hundred song
joe why i why i thought that was fake
cause i think it
those people
you don’t know any of
those people that’s what it is no
no no the news
thing that we just saw
why i believe it’s fake
it’s very similar to what a lot of people do
which is something i do
where it’s taking
footage and editing into real news stories
and just making it a little bit off
if you yeah but that
would have come out by now dude this is on the
news people actually saw this and we’re like this is
check him out
it would have gone out by now
maybe so is this dude like on tour or something or what
do the guys know he’s got a facebook page now though
you can befriend him
i’m gonna befriend him what is this antoine dodson
yeah i need to be his friend
seems like a nice guy home home home boy
number eighty nine man
you know the dea
just started hiring
ebonics translators i saw that
how fucking genius are you
serious i saw that yeah
i saw that because sometimes there’s just too much
going on sometimes this is too much dapps and
sucks and you know i’m saying i need one of
those and there’s like
gotta speak
the language man you what the fuck is this guy saying
how we gonna get how we
gonna arrest him
it was da what’s a dap
is the fbi to i
think it was
both of them
it’s pretty interesting
it’s interesting
that it really is become like a dialect
and it could branch off if there was more
separatism between
people that
spoke in ebonics and
it could become another language easily
it’s not but fucking china is
there’s nothing like a
bunch different versions of chinese cantonese
and mandarin
mandarin and
there’s other ones
right yeah there’s like
a bunch of different
right you know what my favorite ebonics is
you remember this
you know dialects
exist even in like italian my grandmother
spoke a very certain dialect
she was i think she was from sicily
you remember this old clip
but other piece some people didn’t know even italian
speaking people what the fuck is this bitch saying
what is this i don’t know it’s not working but
what is it though
the old delta bonix commercial remember that old
like youtube video from a long time ago
delta yeah you talking
about the scene from airplane where the
woman was there and the two guys were sitting there
no no no i’ll find it i’ll play it in a sec
i have it right now but it’s
i watched the airplane the other day and it
doesn’t hold up it sucks
really doesn’t hold up that’s just kind of all
run hold up
doesn’t yeah it does is it
weird how some of them
hold up some of them don’t i just like seeing delouise
he’s funny as hell
dude i saw piranha
3d yesterday oh
how was it why did it get such good reviews it
can’t be good it’s terrible but
i’ve never seen a more blatant
combination of titties and murder
like it was
a cavalcade of tits
i mean if it wasn’t just like one pair of
tits it was like
a full on girls gone wild movie
with monsters
and there was even a guy who played
jerry o’connell
he plays a girls gone wild type
producer guy a sleazy
coked up dude is yelling at everybody
and he’s really rude to
these girls he plays this guy and of course he gets
eaten by the pron
on the pros like a spring
break kind of thing yeah
but it’s like
the whole it’s a girls gone wild episode it’s just
tits everywhere
naked girls
swimming in the water
tits and parasailing tits are
bouncing up in the back of boats
dancing dudes and
girls grinding
tits in three d
and then yeah
tits in three d and
yes the 3d was
awesome okay well that’s true 3d
now i think they’re calling it
some new we
call it some new
thing but god damn it was good it
was really good like the text in the beginning when you
first see when
the credits
start rolling in the
very beginning
the text just jumps out in a way that i don’t even
think they did with avatar
because avatar was like 3d
after the fact right
right they didn’t film it no no no they made
out for 3d oh i’m
thinking of
alice in wonderland yeah right
this is better than that this like jumps out at you
it even seemed
to jump out of you more than avatar it seems cleaner
you know avatar there’s
still some ghosting to it
you know so like even though you’re seeing the guys
floating in the air
what’s this i
found that video
about okay what is it good
see the thing is
if you bout to be
about this bitch
check it delta
we be flying all over this bitch
let me ask you something
you fin to raise up and get your travel on
from the interior
to the exterior
this can’t be real got to get your posterior
in one of these big ass planes
dog you lay in
the cut straight sitting on your ass and getting your
drink on and your
snack on while we
floss and fly this mofo
all over this bitch
east coast west coast
it don’t matter
nia will get you to your hoe and back lickety splits no
then you’ll be back at your crib
chilling with a flat spliff
thinking we were some
crazy ass angel hell
these fat brown
thick vessels
brian this is not real this is dumb
that’s an old that’s an old
famous ebonics
video when it’s not a real commercial no no no
i thought you were showing us a real
no no no no
it was like when youtube
first came out that was like one of the
first videos on youtube
could you imagine if some
crazy like airline or
it could be anything any company just looked out
and decided to
start advertising like that
that’d be hilarious just
don’t give a fuck just wild
crazy shit swearing
why can’t they do that
who knows for airplanes you won’t you don’t want that
right you don’t want anybody that
you want flying you want exactly
seriously exactly you want to feel safe i’m trying to
think of products where you don’t care like maybe like
mcdonald’s or food or something you know
yeah you don’t want
those guys fucking around you wanted to be on
their p’s and q’s man you know
you’re piloting
you don’t want to hear
about smoking splinters i want to hear
nothing what do you got there fella
remember when i said i thought i was gonna die today
yeah you wanted that story
yeah what is that in your hand alright
let me tell you what happened last
night i got home from the airport and i
watched forensic files one of my favorite shows ever
and it was about somebody sending somebody something
and then it was just a tackle box a fishing
tackle box and it blew up when that person opened it
right so then
today i get two mysterious packages in the mail
today and i
don’t know what they are i got sent to the po
box and first
of all how high were you
when you thought someone was
gonna kill you with
exploding packages
well that’s exactly
right but imagine seeing that episode last
night when you
right before you went to bed
and then i opened the
first package and it
has a business card with
blood splattered on it and it’s a knife
and i’m like oh
that’s his business card no
no the business card had
blood splattered
on it his name and blah blah blah and then
the other thing was a knife
and it had like engraved
something on the
knife handmade
knife kind of cool
and then i’m like this
other package i opened up and it’s this box
and i don’t know if you can see this but
it looks like a little tackle box
and i’m like okay this is sucks so
this is exactly
what you saw in csi they had a tackle box
it was a fishing tackle box
okay so the
first package from this guy was at
night have you
open this already yes i’ve already okay that’s good
to know yeah
i’m telling you i know brian
you probably like i didn’t think of that all right
and so i’m pretty sure it won’t blow up i
started praying actually joe pray
yes i actually was like all right if this
you know i said i
started saying lord
something i can’t remember in my head because
i started to open it up and
when i first opened it i see like this little
looks like chrome can you see that it looks
kind of like
what is this metal thing like i’m peeking
so high open this up what is this now what’s in there
and there’s his blood splatter
business card again some notes
and a really
sweet pipe nice
that’s what he left you some guy you don’t even know
left you a pipe he made this pipe look at this shit
how fucking
crazy is this
and then you wait a
minute this guy knows
where you live
huh no i sent it to my po box
what the fuck is this man some
pipe made out of pipe
smoke weed out of
it’s like you’re sucking a
robot’s dick
take this away
yeah so that the guy
his websites pretty interesting
all right let’s not read all that
right you can’t have guys being able to get in
touch with you like this the post
apocalyp that’s
gonna definitely talk
about in the air i thought you
scare me here you ever get packages like that you
think you’re
gonna get blow
open up a bomb it’s
gonna blow up no why
would someone want to kill you man
well why are people sending me
knives oh my god
how are you
where’s the you you need to
go for a walk
i didn’t want to get pulled over and
a samurai it’s like samurai
sword like this big need to take yoga
class my friend no one’s trying to kill you
you’re a nice guy
there’s a lot of people out
there that people trying to kill you’re not one of them
i’m a nice guy i’m one
are people people give you
death threats oh yeah
dude all the time what is it because you fuck a lot of
white chicks yeah that’s ninety nine
point nine percent of god
damn ninety
nine point nine
percent it’s
you read them and you’re like
laughing cause
cause they’re
funny you know
it’s funny to you because you’re of an elevated
consciousness but to a lot of people it’s fucking
fascinating they get all worked up and shit you know
that one one day most of like it is one
thing that they feel justified right
well the funny
thing is one dude most of
these guys are
idiots but one dude actually
wrote a really well thought out argument
of like why shouldn’t
why why should
watch me drop behind this pickup truck
wow for being
white girls and it was i’m reading this i’m like
damn he might have a
point you know what the fuck was he saying what was his
points something
about like race mixing and like how we’re
better off like we’re two separate races and all that
stuff and you know
i’m bringing
both up how i’m shaming both our races and you know
shaming your races both
are fascinating
isn’t it fascinating
the dudes attached themselves with something they had
absolutely no control over
you didn’t ask to be born
white stupid you just born white
what a fucking strange
thing to trip on yeah
and a lot of people do man i know a lot of dudes who
would be real uncomfortable
if they found out
their chick had
done porn with a black eye
my dad would
be really uncomfortable if i had sex with the black guy
me too woody
are you sure
you don’t know
maybe he’s one of
those if you’re just as long as you’re
happy brian
maybe he’s one of those guys
how many how many
death threats have you gotten
uh it’s funny usually it was
usual like this is a normal course i can say usually
that’s not something you want the same sentence with
death threat
right usually in
death threat
but usually like
maybe two or
three a month not that
wow but i suck
it’s picked up
quite a bit because i did a couple of
tiger woods parodies
oh yeah that’s
right you did a
tyler would
tyler would
tyler would
tyler would
and on top of that i did something else for another
company then they didn’t tell me the who the girls were
until i’m on set
and it’s three a
tiger which is mistresses
wow and i wrote a
story about that and then i got like
you know thirty
death threats off that
alone are you serious
piss off golfers
or is it just john daly
drunk doing as for fun
could be who who was like what kind of dudes all
all racist people all
white people
well actually no surprisingly some of them are actually
tigers fans whatever that
are that are pissed
at me for perpetuating and parroting the situation in
you know just
leave him alone and oh come on he’s a sensitive guy wow
it is fucked
up that he’s getting attacked like this but you know
that’s just the way it is it’s important
to accept that dude it goes with the territory
you’re out in the public i’m exactly
i mean i could
be working into cubicles
and it’s not he’s not out in the public
eye like make
jagger or something he’s out in the public
eye with this
super squeaky
clean image and you find out he’s out freak yeah
i mean how can people not trip on that it’s fascinating
it’s fascinating to them when they
think something’s one
thing it turns out to be
absolutely the opposite of what they were you know
what it’s being sold as
he sold as being a squeaky
clean guy and he’s a freak
but you you’re a
known freak
so it’s like it’s okay yeah
i’m cool with the dude dude you’re
very normal for a guy in the business now i’ve known
a bunch of dudes from
especially from jujitsu
it’s always
a lot of porn guys like to do jujitsu
i’ve known guys for comedy too
a lot of them are really cool guys but you’re like
especially normal
oh how the fuck
does that happen it’s uh
dude i don’t know man i
guess i guess the main thing is i
i compartmentalize my life
you know i mean
people i train with friends i meet through
training like you
and that’s one compartment right there
and then there’s the compartment of
my normal everyday home life where i go to escape
work and everything and then just work
and they never intersect
you know that’s the best way i mean it’s
when i leave said i
leave tyler and
i at the door and i just become me regular guy and you
know well you’re
a very calm guy but you do a lot of wild shit
outside of even porn i know you’ve done a
bunch of boxing matches
you’ve done
didn’t you do an mma
fight in a porn
movie yeah really
now tell me tell me what this was all
about what’s it called too
you fought aaron brink as it
was yeah you
haven’t even been
training you know
hardly even
training right no i
think the last time i
train was probably the last time you saw me
so you just fought
aaron brink with no
training yeah pretty much on
three days notice and he had like he was actually
training for yeah another professional
fight and quinn
exactly he was in
good shape yeah
fucking ripped
like two hundred and three
pounds dangerous yeah
so so you actually had an mma
fight with him
yeah the way
it was set up was this because it wasn’t sanctioned and
you know there wasn’t a
three ringside
judges the way they did it was
they had a grappling
round first
right and then they had a
strikey round afterwards
and the winner gets to bang this really hot
chick and the
loser gets to fuck a girl that looks like grimace
and you have like hold her by
flippers and you know
i i get you know those
phone calls you get it like
when you’re just waking up like for us it’s like noon
basically you’re like
still trying to get your shit together and
you know they ask you questions like
so what are you doing
three days from now i don’t know what
you you wanna fight
aaron brink
i guess why not i
didn’t even know what the hell i was that what i was
like okay thanks bye
click and i’m
thinking what the fuck did i agree
a lot of people would have said no
right away well like that
thing about you you’re kind of
crazy yeah they went through like ten people
and that’s so
great and you were the only one who said yes
yeah of course who the fuck wants to fight aaron brink
aaron brink can
fight man yeah he’s good
you know he was a
fighter he was a pro mma
fighter before he ever got into porn
i like the game
show aspect though that’s pretty cool you know
cause you had a chance not to fuck grimace you fucked
yeah it was pretty bad how was that fuck
i was so discombobulated
it really didn’t even matter but it’s pretty bad
your discombobulated from
aaron brink
punching yeah here
feel right here
oh yeah is that broken oh shit you
break your ribs
you feel that
yeah what the fuck is that so like break your rib
ten seconds into the
fight he goes for a double a takedown
i pull guillotine
block with my guard i’m thinking in my head my
inner minor
model looks like
this is so this is too easy this can’t be this easy i’m
gonna choke him out like ten
seconds right
it wasn’t picks me up
stacks me rip pops out and i’m screaming
oh what the fuck oh so like the rest of the
fight was just fucking ugly
ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly man
i was trying i got him locked down in like half garden
trying to pull old
school nothing’s working cause
you know my course fucked
right so when it got to the strike your mind i’m
thinking you know this is just really
gonna suck cause i’m an outside fighter
you don’t wanna
stand in the pocket
even if you have good defense even if you’re fucking
you can’t move well
right and you don’t
want to stay in the pocket with somebody even if you
turn out fucking whitaker you know
so of course i’m
standing in the pocket i have no choice he’s
throwing these punches
only one of the five was getting through
but the fifth one that gets through fucking killed man
and you know i’m
getting all
glass eyed and
googly eyed and shouldn’t
everything and
i think i gotta do i can’t sit i
gotta do something you know
cause like one everyone up
if i was getting through then
it was every other one
and it’s getting
worse and worse and worse
so i just you know
threw off a four
punch combination
he took two steps back
blinked like i hit a fucking
reset button
and came right back at me and then i’m
thinking this is not good
before i can finish the thought this is not good
i’m looking up and the rest
leading over me and he’s
counting and i hear like eight
and i get back up
again and you know i got drop like
three more times you got
wait a minute you guys had a
standing eight
count and mma yeah
wow that’s dangerous yeah
so that is dangerous
standing accounts
allow you to recover and correct
beatings correct especially
good especially
yeah especially if you’re in decent
shape you can recover
the fuck is with the
standing account what was with
getting dropped more than once
did you think
about tapping
no dude i mean you’re crazy
yeah it’s pretty
stupid i have to admit
tyler knight’s a wild man
you had a boxing
match at mario
lopez too right oh
jesus christ yeah
yeah yeah where the
lights on or off mario
actually what kind of oil did you guys use
well we actually we actually shared here probably
mario can box man yeah that surprised
me a really good boxer
my training
my training for that
fight was easter
candy and porn and
you know we both
used to box a wild card boxing freddie wilcher’s place
and everybody’s like yeah they’re
about the same size let’s make him
fight you know
right like fuck
he’s a pretty boy actor this will be easy
first round i’m trying to like
get angles on him and
stuff his footwork is just sick
i’m not afraid to
admit i couldn’t fucking touch him
back in the end of the corner
back in the corner my eyes already fucking
swelling shut and
everything and
my corners like a dude you
gotta you gotta drop because you’re you’re losing badly
wait wait back up back up back up
so before the fight
before the fight even
starts he goes to my
dressing room and he’s like
yeah man i’m hosting the latin
grammys tomorrow and you know it’s gonna be a
great big red
carpet thing
three minutes before we’re
about to fight i’m like why why are you telling me this
and he’s like oh i’ll see you out there
sure enough he’s got a fuck you know
those face masks like
catchers mitts
yeah one of
those one so
after the fight
i’m watching
i’m watching you know
access hollywood
whatever the fuck it is he’s on the red carpet you know
he’s like yeah we fought last
night not a scratch on us and he’s like you know
going this going like this over his face and
everything now
screaming at the tv you wore a fucking cage
fucking ridiculous
so he won those face
guards yeah yeah those
would you wear one if you had the option
nah i mean can’t see out of those
exactly it’s very hard to sing yes it’s a
false security i mean
when you get hit in the head your brain
still rattles around the
skull just to see
it does protect your nose though
yeah it protects your nose and you’re in
your ears no
you know you’re
gonna get fucked up you’re
still gonna get
knocked out
right it’s still easy to you can hurt a guy bad
with cosmetics
but it’s it keeps your nose from
exploding i was so
stoned watching that last usc i thought
randy’s ears look like little baby fetuses like
like six months old they
do look like
they do look
like little
aliens yeah
how confident was chance when you interviewed him
james was very confident but i
think they all are until they
understand what a real grappler can do to you i don’t
think they know
he didn’t get it or he was just
did he get in was afraid to
admit it or what i don’t
think he had good training
i know he did a little bit of work with king mo
and king mo
probably helped him
bit on his grappling
but i think the reality is moe was just
trying to help him and show him some techniques and
learn a little boxing from him i
don’t think he was sparring and
going to war
with really good dudes that were trying to take him
down on a regular basis and that’s what you got to do
and i watched the
countdown show
where they saw his
training and i was
watching him
roll and do techniques with
these dudes and
it felt like i was
watching a karate
you know those old karate demonstrations
where someone
would do something he’d
grab his arm and then go like this to god like ah
right no they
would act like
they were getting jacked and you were like this
guy’s kind of putting on a show for me here man yeah
first you do this then you do that kind of thing
yeah so it’s like they were making
james look like he was this
badass grappler but i felt
like i was being lied to i felt like i was being hosed
and even if you were working with really good guys
dude that’s
randy fucking couture
that guy’s an
elite grappler
if he gets a hold you he’s
gonna fucking strangle you
he’s ridiculously
strong in the clinch
he’s got a grappling strength that unless you
have grappled for years and years you don’t even
understand what kind of strength that is you’re not
going to get it
you might look like a really
powerful guy
and you might hit the bag really hard and
you might have good kicks and you
might even have a good sprawl
if rani kotor
gets hold of you he’s
gonna control you like you’re a little girl
he’s just too strong
so good yes
especially a size me like little
smaller guys like fucking carl parisian
jesus christ gorilla
his whole life
throwing people doing judo his whole life
those guys you know
jimmy pedro was here working on the thing
did the cage in my garage
did you just fucking
shake that guy’s hands is he’s an
olympic judo guy
his fucking hands are like
vice grips you know
his whole body is like this
taut thing he’s
throwing goldberg around you know the
wrestler the big giant dude
in my garage
yeah that’s what i
watched into tosser goldberg no that was goldberg
throwing the
dummy yeah but
jimmy pedro’s practicing
throws on goldberg goldbergs fucking gigantic
and this dude who’s
about a buck
seventies toss them around
well bam bam
yeah man those guys are
strong as fuck
that shit’s awesome
yeah the ufc is
it’s a different animal
these boxing guys boxing is a beautiful
sport and i’m a big
you know fan of manny pacquiao
floyd mayweather
especially i look forward
mayweather because he does it without getting hurt
he knows how to be just conservative enough just
aggressive enough
pick guys apart
and you know and if they open up like you know
ricky hatton he’ll drop em
yeah fuck em up he’ll stop em
yeah if all the
grief he gets for
being clinical
about his boxing i
think it’s freaking brilliant he’s a master yeah
he’s a master you have to
appreciate it what he’s doing is masterful
you know what he did with sugar
shane he got hit with one good
right hand that’s it
the fight against zab judah
jesus christ that was
genius yeah he’s a master
he adapted like that yeah
he really is a boxing
genius you know
you know people like what
would happen if you fought an
mma he’d get killed he’d get
taken down he gets squashed
quickly by a dozen guys
a dozen guys
would kill him
but it’s not
mma you know he’s doing a different
sport it’s a fascinating
sport in and of itself
well i had another
motive to be
happy for tony to lose that fight
he actually
judged the fight
against me and
lopez and the
whole fucking
fight he was bagging on my shoes
gagging on my shoes
what did he say
how did you
understand him
was there subtitles
he would like grab the mic and shit it was like him
exactly exactly
yellow yeah what kind of shoes is this
what kind of shoes were they
they were faggot
shoes there was some old faggot shoes
so like yeah like in the second round i actually got a
clean shot on lopez and i dropped him
and i told him he’s like oh he slipped he
slipped he slipped and
during the fight i’m like
god damn it motherfucker you know
james tony can talk some shit with us
i like james as a boxer he’s one of the best man
yeah it’s like trying to punch a
snake he was an artist as a boxer man
watch his fight if you want to
appreciate like real counter punching
watch his fight with iran barkley cause iron
barkley at the time was a you know he’s a bad
motherfucker beating
tommy hearns he knocked out tommy hearns
serious strong
powerful fucking puncher but
james just hit him with the art
you know it’s just like if you watch that fight
that’s a beautiful
fight if you really appreciate someone
like sticking to
their skill set and their game plan
in the heat of fire and overcoming someone with skill
stands right in
front of them
right in front of them
just fucking slip and shots
covering up slip and shots and blam
blam and those
clean shots just land more and more often till
towards the end of the
fight am iran
barker was just getting jack yeah he’s afraid to
throw a punch
down afraid to
throw a punch
covering up like he’s you know is hitting with you know
munitions are coming in and
james just landed
short sharp
punches on him that’s artistic
i love watching
that better better with that than pretty
a whitaker was i
think yeah and you know what you only
get to see that in boxing you really can’t do all that
stuff in mma
because while you’re in the middle of it someone
will clinch or they’ll try to take you down or they’ll
kick your legs
it’s like there is something to be said for just
watching boxing
because they achieve a
level with their hands that
you know is pretty remarkable
and you only
see it in boxing you don’t really get to see it in mma
guys get you know they land a couple of good shots and
you know guys drop or you
know it gets
mixed up but you don’t get to see like the real
calculated boxing matches
you get to see a little bit of
a little bit of a calculated
fighting in
jiu jitsu in
mma oh yeah
two top level
guys i mean you
still get to
see boxing too but you don’t get to see it at the same
level and even
jiu jitsu you know
if you see two
mma guys doing
jiu jitsu together
you know it’s not really
the same as seeing them just do jujitsu not have to
worry about
strikes you know if you
watch like some guys
are brilliant when they don’t have to
worry about
strikes but then when
dudes are punching them and kicking them and
changing yeah they can’t see what’s
going on they can’t grab a hold of techniques as
quickly and they can’t
submit anybody
there’s a lot of the
guys like that that are killers killers in regular
but you had
strikes and they just can’t finish people
but i still like
watching just straight jujutsu
i want to see just that aspect of it at a really high
level just same
thing with boxing
just that aspect of it at a really high
level is fascinating
but for someone to
think that they’re
gonna do one
thing like that and just jump
right into mma
especially boxing if you’re
gonna be able to do one
thing and jump into
mma it’s gonna be wrestling
that’s the those guys
those fucking ben askren characters those
those olympic
medalist guys
who can just come in and in the they can’t
strike at all
doesn’t matter
just get a hold of you drag you on the ground
punch you while you’re down game is over just
close the distance yeah
so we got you into
training we got you in martial arts um
typical thing when you’re like
twelve years old you go to like a
karate a little karate
studio and like a
strip mall kind of thing and
after watching all the bruce lee
movies i figure you know i’m gonna give this a shot and
you know be another bruce lee get my yellow
track suit my nunchucks and shit and
you know bruce lee man
so but how did you get from that to like boxing mario
lopez and fighting air and breaking a porno
like how does that happen
little choices you make
along the way dude you never know
where the fuck they lead you in life man yeah
are you gonna
fight anyone soon are you gonna ever do that again uh
well the funny the
funny thing is dude
i’m like so fucking far you can’t really see this but
this just like a little
multi smoker and i was like
hundred seventy pounds
right i’m like two o four now so it’s
unless i smoke
crack i’m not you just
haven’t been
training i’ve been
trained i’ve been
trained in like two years i’ve been
throwing a punch
so you fought
this aaron brink guy
who’s a real badass
pro mma fighter you fought him you hadn’t
trained at all nothing not at all
dude that’s
crazy that’s
ridiculous what’s
wrong with you
why don’t you call me before you do show
have you tried the fresco menu
at taco bell
what i don’t
know what that means but it’s that diet taco bell menu
which is funny you
still look it up it’s like only five hundred and
twenty calories do you just have no time to
train these days
cause all you’re writing
uh that plus
i’m a little bit on the
pussy website i’m not
gonna i’m not
gonna lie dude
this is hilarious by the way
you know he’s an active porn
star yeah active like currently working banging checks
well it’s a
trade off me you get to you get to do what i do for a
living and you have a relationship you know you have to
you know this reciprocation you gotta
spend time to make her feel like she’s
right you know special so i
had to cut shit out
training was one of you know so
it’s a bitchy
thing to do but you know i
admit it but it’s
why does she not want you to work out
uh it’s not so much work out as
you’re on set all day and
everything you don’t see each
other and you come back and you
smell like pussy and
you know chicks
chicks kind of take offense to that you know
i just did you know her before you got into porn
yeah we we’ve been together ever since like
the entire time i’ve been in the business yeah and how
many how many years you’ve been in the business now uh
gonna be nine years nine
years instead
so is she in the business too
nope no she’s
civilian civilian
so when you met her had you had already worked or
you weren’t yet working or
i was dabbling in it here and there dab cops
you’d already done that
shit but i wasn’t i wasn’t like for
those who don’t know what we’re talking about we say
bukkaki lines
bukkaki lines what we were talking
about earlier in this book
basically just everybody lines up and jerks off on a
chick’s face
yeah there’s
anywhere between
well it started out as a japanese tradition
and it got perverted
by us americans of course like we usually
do how can you pervert that i’ve seen the japanese ones
which is pretty fucking perverted
i saw this one
where a chick was in
she was in the middle of a
on the front of a
plane like sitting in the middle
aisle and they
show her sitting there
and then they show
all these guys get up from
their seats and step forward into the
aisle and they’re all in
their underwear
and they all step towards her and just
start beating off in her face the whole
plane full of dudes slowly beats off her face to the
point where
she’s fucking
glazed at the end of it i mean it’s
it’s just disgusting
dude some of the
stuff i saw on the
okay just so you know i’ve done four or five
these bukkakis
as research only of course
how much they pay
uh fifty bucks
fifty bucks to
jerk off in a girl’s face i failed
every single fucking time but it didn’t
even matter i was out you’re just there to take a
space does any dude have a hard on oh dudes
every dude of just cold
steel hard on loving it eighty
percent of a man
oh my eighty fucking
percent and you
tried everything
you tried everything yeah
it’s funny i’m looking around like believe me
i’m not saying i’m any better than anyone else i’m just
built differently psychologically
i’m looking around this girl she’s like
glazed head to toe and i’m looking at
these guys and they’re like all into it
and i’m thinking there’s something
wrong with me you know
i feel like a loser
cause like my dick is all shriveled up and it won’t
you know i can’t get hard you
know should have brought your fake dick
just in case that happened
didn’t have one back then this is in the beginning
well actually
days actually
actually i did
actually i did come once you know the part
where like you go from like
flash it to set my
heart to come
in in like three
seconds right
yeah and angels tears what i thought
but yeah dude they have these
some of these things these girls like
flipped over in their back they call them pile driver
where their heads are on the ground their ass
asses and pussies up in the air
and their pus
is a problem with these spatulas or whatever
and you know guys just like dumping
their loads in this back
and the pride open
oh my god and then
there’s the come come bong like they put a tube in it
and they’ll make a bong and shit another girl like
like take a hit
right you know
you know snowballing oh my god yeah
have you ever been a part of a dvd a dude
what’s a dvd double vaginal double anal oh god
like does that happen yeah oh yeah double vaginal
double anal yeah two cocks in the same hole that you’re
never gonna take that with a girl says
oh so tight
just just shut the fuck up bitch
yeah that’s
crazy isn’t my
pussy tight no no it’s not i’ve got a video
two dicks in your asshole and two dicks in your
pussy just stop talking
you can’t take
dirty talk from her ever seriously you know
trey parker and mac matt
stone had a band called dvda
that’s how that’s the only reason i know
about that i
learned something there was
a friend of ours
from the man show
his buddy was dating a porn star
and he was dealing with it for a little while
he was dealing with it for a little
while he’s like you know
you know she just sucks no
big deal it’s what she does you know she’s always done
until one day came home and she was
going over her contract for a next scene
and he goes
what’s airtight
airtight is a dick in every hole yet he was like
check please that’s it
that’s it that’s it i’m done
it’s like we
can’t even pretend this isn’t even like someone’s
making love to you on a
beach and this beautiful
lighting it’s
tastefully done and
no there’s a dick in every hole
guys are you breathing
out of your nose to stay
alive right now there’s a dick in your
mouth one your ass one your pussy
they put dicks in the nose so they
could too they just
shoot infected loads all over your body
just injecting you with their dna
check please
yeah how’s that girl
gonna be the
mother of your children huh
certain lines you don’t cross son
oh come on joe we all have our we all have a
skeleton in our
class we do haha
do cue the music haha
um girls girls in the business
have you ever met cool ones how many of them you
think are cool and how many of you think
most of them have something has happened to them
right you know
from what i can gather and i can only
speak to what my personal
experience is right
ninety percent of the girls are cool
you know it’s
it’s the ten percent that the ten percent of anything
in any walk of life that
stands out and you
think oh you know like say some
black dude cut you off in traffic
all black guys are bad whatever you know it’s the same
thing with our business
you know drugs aren’t anywhere near as rampant
as you think it
would be i mean obviously it
exists you know but it’s not like
i get the set and
i’m skiing down mountains of coke you know and then i
start my scene
it’s you know yes it does exist
people with issues you know
exist in and out of porn and
i don’t know it’s
not as that’s
absolutely true that’s a very good
point we just said people with issues
exist in and out of porn
yeah and that’s
yeah fuck yeah
comic show the beautiful
strippers are
porn stars for sure with
microphone the beautiful
thing is what you do you get up on
stage and you
you you have a cathartic
experience and
everyone else can relate to it and you know it helps
make everyone else feel better
about themselves
even if it’s even if it’s just one for fucking
for one fucking split
second that’s
a beautiful
thing you know so
and a twisted
fucked up kind of way i
guess the people in my business we do the same
thing also i don’t
think it’s that
twisted and fucked up as we’re
saying before in the beginning of the show i don’t
understand it i don’t
understand the the
taboo of it
you know i don’t
understand why it’s
something that we’re supposed to be ashamed of
just like this fucking
flashlight people are supposed to be ashamed of the
flashlight i’ve had a
bunch of conversations with people who didn’t
think that it was a smart move
for me to have the
flashlight sponsor
the podcast
and it’s like they were real conversations like
real intelligent people did
you did you
i want to know the
truth did you really just send them a couple of
flashlights and they were
you’re right it’s
no i wish to
know i’m curious probably
wouldn’t like get this out of my home
no i will not tolerate a rubber vagina in my home
yeah there’s something
weird about the fact that we’re so weird
about sex that if you have sex
even though everybody loves sex dude it’s a what
ten billion dollar industry i mean
huge industry
right there’s only a couple thousand people in the
that are actually
in the industry running the businesses
so i mean that
money isn’t being consumed in
a vacuum obviously it’s being consumed outside of the
microcosm of porn
yes you know so
let me ask you this ma’am because this is curious to me
really fascinating to me
where’s the
money coming from now with all the internet
is it harder to sell dvds now
it must be right
dvds now for the most part are lost leaders
for internet
basically and
how do they make
money off the internet the youtube
channels are what they’re making now you know
like you porn like a lot of
these things like companies own like
streaming youtube
right thing
type stuff now and that’s how
they’re making but how are they making
money no one’s paying for it that was actually
so many sites to
title the threat that
three thousand posts
on the underground
so how do people make
money in porn and it’s
is that the thread that
started you out writing yeah exactly oh
you know so how do they
nowadays it’s increasingly more difficult i mean
without putting
exact figures on it
in the summer of nineteen ninety eight
i earned x amount of dollars
in the summer of two thousand ten i earned a fifth
of what i earned to nineteen ninety
eight wow i mean i’m
still making
living at it but fucking barely man i’m looking at a
point where it’s
it’s steadily
becoming diminishing
returns to whether or not it’s even
worth doing this is supposed to
you know going back to cubicle or something
it’s fascinating because the internet
you can’t be
it’s crushed it’s
crushed that business more than any business
well the government isn’t
gonna step in and intervene like they did with the
music industry in the mainstream film industry is this
funny there’s a
chinese there’s a chinese
act max max
that when your
enemy is destroying itself
get out of the fucking way
yeah so why
would the government
intervene they’ve been trying to you know
put the clamp down on porn forever so why
why if you if you wanted to control society
why would you want
them to not
watch porn they placated
i hear what you’re saying but it but what is it is it
that they have to um
they have to respond to the
the wishes of
their constituents
is that what it is
yeah cause the
other the other
the other is that what it is yeah the
other control is religion
i mean for centuries religions
what do you where’s
when you’re in the business
where’s the pressure come from to
force you guys out
does it come from religious people does it come from
right wing political people what does it come from
not just that we have a lot of a lot of
activists on the left left wing side also that are
that are uh
wrapping themselves
under the guise of
humanitarian issues and you know
thinking that they’re
speaking for
for for the best
interest of the people that are trying the business
right that somehow know they
should get out of it right
right meanwhile they probably watch it
or benefit financially
one way or another from it so yeah
so it’s it’s very fascinating subject
because i remember when they talked
about the porn
bailout there was like
good like people like ask for a porn bailout
yeah and someone
and everybody
laughed it off
like it was just done for publicity ha ha ha
but if that was done
about the music business
which probably
doesn’t make as much
money as a porn business
it’s different because
musicians who makes more
money who makes more money
right but does the
music business
well porn star definitely
probably makes the most
does it make
more than music you
think i don’t
think anymore
well i don’t know
music is struggling too
music is like a lot of artists are making much more
money just doing
their tours now than they are from
their music
well that’s the
thing anybody that can win a
grammy like
musicians or comedians or whatever the
money is going to you
the money that’s being
generating the porn isn’t
going to the to the
to the performers the artist in porn is
going to it’s
going to the companies
basically and it’s disappearing into a vacuum of
of losses because you can’t be free when people
are putting your product that you invest in money in
on the internet a couple of
months later
but i guess a simple way i’m saying is
it’s really not you really
should don’t look at it as how much
money is being generated how much money is
going to the people that are making the product
right you know
but isn’t it fascinating that talking
about that like trying to bail out that industry
even though it’s obviously there’s a demand there’s a
supply and there’s no
victims you talk
about bailing it out and everybody would go
crazy it’d be
it be shoveling
money into a bottomless well dude
you think yeah i know so there’s no way to stop it the
business model
can’t the business
model once the
the internet was the rubicon that you can across
and the ironic
thing is porn has been
has been the one source of
entertainment that’s ushered in new
frontiers entertainment
taking movies from being in people’s homes to you know
movie theaters being people’s homes but the beta
to dvds to you know the
well it definitely pushed
technology right
absolutely that’s what i’m saying
streaming technology
and the same
thing is kicking us in
kicking us in our asses
3d porn though
what about that
pussy farts 3d
yeah oh brian
no i mean i
think that’s a big thing
they’re already filming three d
porn nowadays
so it’s like that has to be the next
thing like really good
three d legs
around you you’re like oh my god i’m in the middle of a
pussy right well as soon as
some sort of
virtual reality
technology as
soon as the
technology comes that that can be you know
for free you
know that scott is
limited all
right here’s an important question
what do you think
about the max hardcore situation
now if you don’t know what this is
max hardcore is one of the few guys in this country in
the last few
decades that has been prosecuted and convicted
for obscenity
for his videos
they violated some laws
his videos are fucked up
you know i at
first i was like this is an outrage
how are they doing this and then i
watch the guys
videos and i’m like man
maybe that should be illegal
yeah but i mean
you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want
i’m not got the guy who want to put him in jail but
i don’t feel bad for him
once you once you
cross that line of love of
taste word is sure
oh yeah i mean someone’s
gonna be offended i’m sure you know
so but as a
human being as a
human being
watching it and seeing what he’s doing it’s all
it’s all humiliation it’s all
crushing girls
self esteem
pissing in their mouths
forcing them to sing
while he’s pissing in
their mouth
yeah and i know that this is all a personal choice and
you know i don’t
think anybody has a gun to that girl’s head
obviously she’s making some
funky decisions consenting
adult but yeah she’s a consenting
adult but dude
then why is that guy doing that
why is he because people
he opened up this
chick’s asshole
okay and held it open with a vice
like you know
pliers or whatever the fuck it was
pissed inside her asshole
and then made the girl drink
the piss out of her asshole
out of her own asshole
this shit got paid for it
by the way that same girl probably does
it all the time to describe that i forget who
maybe some maybe sal in the howard stern show
but just i think that who exactly it was
thinking about that thinking
about someone doing that’s like what the fuck is
wrong with that guy
what’s wrong with that guy why is he doing that
and how is he peeing with a heart on too
pissing a lot like he’s fucking this girl in the
mouth and he pulls out his dick and he’s pissing in her
mouth and then he keeps fucking
and pisses like coming out of her mouth and
pouring down her shirt or
her tits rather yeah
it’s like what
every time i ask that question
to like girls they all
said he deserves it he needs a rotten hell and yeah
every person i know you know girls in the business
right yeah yeah they all say that yeah same
thing it down the line
they all say he’s a
piece of shit just an asshole fucking psycho
there’s there’s those girls man
they’re been there been worse than him
just the way he treats people
who’s the worst
rob black you know
that situation
intimidation tactics
bouncing checks all kinds of things like that you know
borderline coercion he just got out recently
oh really for a very similar situation
what is the
trend what’s up with the
trend in like slapping porn and spitting in girls
mouths and shit
and beating them up what is that all about it’s
it’s not my thing but that being said
you know i mean
there’s a market for people some people
enjoy some people legitimately enjoy
you know being choked or whatever and
you know i some i usually
thought that was bullshit
until i watch sasha gray
yeah some people actually that
bitch off she wants to get her throat fucked
she wants a gag and
throw up and get smacked in the face like she does
like you could see it like that bitch is a freak
there’s some girls that are fake
freaks that bitch is a real
freak and there’s
a lot of people like that that she goes ass
to mouth like a soldier
yeah this girl you ever fucker
no no no do you feel like that’s one you’re missing uh
not really i’m so i’m so fucking you don’t
ever have that like you
never like i used
to get a hold of this new one dude when i was
brand new i’m like
wow i can’t wait to work with this girl i always ask my
age who my fucking now and i was like
alright whatever you know
i’m desensitized man i mean a fucking a midget
sorry little person
you can say measure
hey i’m right here
sorry about that
i don’t want i don’t want get more
death threats
you know a little person little bombs
fuck you up just as well
i mean a midget
unit unit by unicycling or whatever juggling
chainsaws whatever while jerking off to like
whatever i mean that
that’s probably what it takes nowadays
cause i’m so desensitized
cause so you regular porn just
doesn’t do shit dude
no no it’s funny actually it actually comes full circle
now it’s the girl you see at starbucks that you know
stressed normally
and you wonder what she looks like with her
clothes off i mean
right so it’s kind of come full circle
wow so you want to be teased now yeah
that’s cool
that’s fascinating well brian
i like that cool i like that
remember when you were a kid and
used to look at the sears catalog or whatever and the
women of the run i
never did my stepdad was a
freak there’s always
fucking penthouses
so you went straight to like
went straight to point
remember used to find porn in the woods
verifying to pour in the woods
everybody does that
i grew up in boston
where did you grow up new jersey new jersey you
grew up in ohio we all
found poor in the woods
it’s like a university
survived a passage
always something like that i
found it hustlers in the woods i
found a bunch of shit in the woods we used to hide them
hide them in certain places
back in the old days with her natural titties
yeah all natural titties big
bushes too i was looking at some of my old
porn when i was back in ohio recently have i hold old
stack sitting at my mom’s
house and i was
going through it like
oh look at this pam anderson playboy oh
nineteen eighties
pellet playboy i started
going through some old porn the
other day and
i got so turned off because they were wearing condoms
it’s like what the fuck is this remember they
tried wearing condoms for a little
while they tried pretending well they they
should do that man was actually there’s actually an
activist group
right now is trying to make condoms mandatory totally
should do that
as we speak
should you there’s
one company that already does it that’s all condom
based what’s that wickets one of
them yeah wicked
that’s right
still yeah they’re all condom
and i think that’s how it
should be man there’s
well here’s
here’s here’s the
thing there’s some people that do want to
there’s some course
are realistic joe
there’s some point
i want to use condoms but they
can’t voice
their desires because they
never work because
right consumers like us don’t
wanna fucking
see it i totally
understand you not it’s a market
decision i totally
understand you not want to do porn because
they the you know the guys won’t wear condoms i totally
understand a girl making that choice
but you have to know that’s it’s not as
exciting so it doesn’t
stimulate kills the fantasy
yeah i’m like you fucking they’re wearing condoms
yeah how many that
doesn’t feel that good yeah
i’m watching that
i’m like that guy’s like struggling to keep his haha
he’s struggling to keep a hard on
right now right fuck if you
only knew me oh man i don’t know but tell me tell me
jesus how many times you’ve been on set
where your shit just goes limp and you’re done son uh
a lot happened
in the beginning of my career i was like
maybe fifty
fifty no i’m
fifty fifty
fifty fifty was
a roll the roll the roll down
now i’m like ninety five percent
how do you get
called back to work if you fail
you know that’s a good question
at first i didn’t i had to change my
stage name and i went to
the bukkake line
so this is because you failed yeah
but nowadays i mean nowadays kids are
shooting their dicks up with the stuff called cabric
what’s it called cab reject it’s an involved reject yes
it’s embalming
fluid and then you can smoke your dick
afterwards the fuck
wait a minute
wait a minute wait a minute wait a
minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute
they’re injecting and bombing fluid in their desks
to the car yeah who is saying you can do this
20 year old kids that don’t want to go through the
learning who’s telling why don’t they take viagra
doesn’t that
work want to put a little vicks on the balls
that’s like better than viagra
yeah i mean even with i think
even with viagra you
still have to get yourself in mentally
you know i mean dude this you don’t
know it just gets hard exactly
oh i see so some dudes can’t even get it up with viagra
yeah i mean you
could it’s not turned on you
could put me in a room with like my mom and my
grandmom and give me a vigra i’m not gonna get
right right
yet to make the mental leap you know
so camera check
yeah i am you know does anybody ever like get
their dick rot off or anything as
in ever any infections or anything
shooting things in your dick
there’s there’s obviously the open
wound of course when you’re doing
oh it goes further up the risk
what matrix
oh you’re gonna get the
super warts yeah
oh here but you
heard about that one guy that went down to cuba
and did some
porn he came back and give everyone aids recently
no do you know what i’m talking
about like it was
it was brazil brazil brazil yeah i was i was first
generation in that situation are you serious yeah yes
scary times
i was seriously rethinking my life really wow
i direct sex with
the girl that he had sex with that was hiv positive so
right so longest
longest month and half of my life
so the girls hiv positive now because of him
yes now did they what is she taking
things what does
she take for that she disappeared off the face of the
earth man really
no i don’t know
where she is
whoa no one’s
heard of her
whoa so yeah
you can’t fuck anymore
there’s no like hiv positive only porn stars are they
oh they all
work together
because if they did they’d probably give each other
some super aids
the cripple
new stream of aids
my aids mix
with your age
awful porn aids baby
what do you say look out
there looking at their test
sorry you’re only hiv
factor one i’m you know i can’t work with you
factor five hundred they
could only do remakes of zombie
movies no it’s open
wounds and stuff
could you imagine if they had all
terminally ill porn
wow but people who are fucking
probably for the last time ever cancer porn they’re
having a hard time just breathing and they’re fucking
looking at each
other like this so
the last bit of pleasure
they both have
throat cancer
but she does
make a wish foundation
that’s a good way to die
die old right
after you come
your body just taps out
death erection
enough with the death erection
there’s a lot of
weird fucking fetishes man i
think if they’re if someone can
think something like that
about you know terminally
ill porn it’s probably already been done yeah
i heard the
story that was hilarious this girl was a noodle
ain’t doing anal scenes
and so they
were like you have to go into the bathroom there’s
douche and there’s and do
share you know or
whatever your ass enema enema
given enema
you know and come back
and she took a long time and they’re not
gonna die like are you okay and she goes oh
sorry it was hard to
drink that no no
hard to drink it hard to
drink that shit
come on is that true it’s totally true yeah
it’s poor girls
i i used to look at people
any any person that that was like clueless and
lost i used to look at them like ah you fucking dummy
now i look at them like
you’re just a baby that nobody raised right baby
just a baby that got fucked
so i like to
take terrible
hand in life take them into the pool and dip
their little head
it’s hard to
think of people like that when they’re
grown adults and they’re
annoying the
fuck out of you but that’s really what everybody is
just a baby who got fucked over yeah
that’s the thing that
the porn stars that i
meant almost all of them had some fucked up childhoods
but a lot of them are really friendly man
like people always want me to
people always want to hear dirt about
jenna jameson
because her and
tito together and they
cause a lot of controversy but she’s
always been nice she’s a nice person she’s one of the
smartest people i’ve ever met actually
well who the fuck are you hanging out with
i mean i ain’t gotta go that far
look at me she’s a very nice person she has
to take herself a
chance to make
her situation
where most girls have a life career span oh
yeah for sure
you know unsuccessful one of and they
blow you know
couple hundred thousand dollars in making a
couple of years and now she’s she’s set for life that’s
impressive so that’s fucking
impressive but she’s just nice she’s you know
some mean person
but it’s fun
watching chicks
fight on twitter
like she’ll go off on twitter her and
tito yeah will go off it’s
crazy well i’m not i’m not talking
about each other
i’m talking
about her like responding to assholes
right like she’ll go
she’ll respond to haters
like her and
frank muir’s
wife went at it on twitter no way yeah that’s funny
it’s hilarious
man i follow a lot of fucking people that are
angry and you know i still
did you hear that cat stacks
you know cats
taxes she some
chick who fucks all
these rappers then makes
videos and tells on them right
haha and they
still fuck her i guess
they just crazy
but she got soulja boy recently she’s got video of
soulja boy in bed and she’s like rubbing his
chest and she’s showing coke that he did
you know like
what this nigga doing coke look at this he’s like okay
can you see this shit right here
and like it’s a
funny video man it’s
funny that you know she’s already done this before with
other rappers
we talked about all
these different rappers that she fucked and
still these guys people
still let her over the
house that’s
crazy must kiss
a good punadi
man but she’s always
fighting with people on twitter twitter is
just all caps all
screaming fuck you ho
you know i know this
motherfucker did this
right here and i’m
finna tell i’m
gonna follow him
yeah no doubt yeah
it’s a nice
train wreck
there’s a lot of
those on twitter
a lot of people on twitter
that are fascinating to follow
man twitter is my favorite there’s no filter you know
yeah you get them as they are exactly
and it’s really
funny like people
celebrities you get and
singers and actors and
stuff you get
and you get to
find out how seriously they take themselves
did you read that
kanye shit that happened lately
like he just went off and then he
ended it saying
i’m sorry again taylor
you know for
taylor swift at
the what did he go off
about i don’t know i didn’t fall because i was on
in ohio but i just remembered looking and he was just
going crazy and it was on tmz and
everything um
i think that
dude loves attention totally he’s
still talking
about that it’s
still not even talking
about i know what the people that gold digger song was
so good people like let’s just give another chance yeah
you never know i mean he’s obviously
crazy but he can come up with
talent and shit
but the best
thing that he was ever in was that
south park episode
that shit was brilliant
where he didn’t
understand the jokes he beat menci at a
death with a baseball bat
you see that no i didn’t see that oh my god you
never saw the gay fish
south park oh my god dude it’s maybe the most genius
thing that’s ever been on television and
they went so deep and so hard that
it’s just like
you like man
who’s better than those guys
there’s nobody better than those guys
for attacking someone that’s
in the news some some craziness that’s in the news
like pulling what are you doing
oh the song
this is not gonna be cool once you see them you
gotta see the episode
shut it off
that’s gonna make people not want to see it
you have to see the
whole episode for that to make
sense and be hilarious and it is once you see it yeah
it’s on youtube
yeah i’m sure
south park studios com
can you just search kanye episode oh yeah yeah yeah
just do they pull it off if it’s on like
daily motion or something like that they pull
those things down
oh no no it’s
south park’s own thing you can watch right episode
what if somebody
puts it somewhere else they take it down oh i
think so probably
but south park
studios you don’t have to pay for it
right right it’s all
in hd and free how much is that cost to run holy shit
those guys who’s been more prolific than them
those guys abraham lincoln
so much no i
heard abraham lincoln was gay
i heard a lot of things
about abraham lincoln lately man
like what how’d you hear the gay thing
oh some fucking
something he
wrote about
i forget what it was
something about sharing a bed with a man
i’m just picturing
this tall ass
dude back then
with like a fucking feather dipping it in
ink dear john
dipping it back in ink again
well there was
definitely gay people back then
of course the powdered wigs
can you imagine
being around
where we all used to wear powdered wigs weird
clothes those
clothes were so frilly
and roughly
like what was that all about like
crazy ruffles
shirts and yeah the the
wrists were
covered in like frilly
lace and there was like i challenge you to a
sword fight
this is getting out of control and the fucking pop
pieces slap you in the face with
their glove
come on man that’s the gay shit ever releasing doves
and the card
piece to design to draw attention to the package
right yeah i like that
that’s good though
and plus it acts as a cup
you know those
funny pointy
shoes the english
people back in
those states used to wear
basically it
was a phallic
it was phallic advertising
longer the tip
of the shoe and the more curled back into itself
the bigger your
penis is supposed to be wow
so that’s why i always go two sizes
bigger on my
shoes there
you go just to be
loose and i just put
paper towels at the end of it
you stuff you
stuff you stuff
to i snap to your back bro
that’s why i’m always
going like this
i’ve heard a lot of dudes put lifts in
their shoes
fuck that i’m
five ten on a good day i don’t care i’m five
eight i’m shorter than you
yeah but you’re six ten when you
stand on top of your wall that’s all
oh snap son
doesn’t matter dude i love that youtube
video by the way of you when you were younger
that’s weird crazy
weird i was 25
at rascal’s
comedy hour
it’s weird it’s like
weird to watch me do
stand up back then had
nothing to say
about anything
what was your
what was your very
first show like
i mean what was like
getting home
it was like getting on
stage was terrifying
yeah terrifying i was amazed how scared i was
cause i had fought and
probably i maybe a hundred amateur taekwondo matches
i fought a lot of tournaments i fought sometimes
three four times in a day
in these these big
these big tournaments man they would
there’s a lot of people you had to
fight to get the
finals i fought a lot of dudes and it was
scary shit a lot a lot of guys got
knocked unconscious
a lot of guys
get kicked in the face a lot of guys got hurt
i was way more nervous for comedy
wait i was scared out of my mind
for fighting i was always like just
fight smart
keep your hands up make sure you keep moving don’t
do anything predictable don’t be a hero don’t get crazy
go out there do your
thing you know i
could rely on my skills
and i knew like if this guy was really good i
could stay on the outside i can move away
you know i could wait
until he slows down before i attack i had some options
but there was no options for me when i got on that
stage i have to be
funny like they have to
laugh at the
shit that i have to say you know what the difference is
it’s the fourth wall man it’s the
theater term like when you’re on
stage and you’re acting on stage
there’s obviously
stage left stage
right and you know
upstage and downstage whatever
there’s three walls
2020 theater
and what there isn’t a wall is between
you and the audience and you have to put that wall up
and imagine there’s something like maybe a
clock or a door or something
to seal the audience office
still be organic
and use the
whole space
when you’re
fighting somebody
and you’re in that
tunnel visions
mode or whatever basically
you’re not interacting with the audience you’re
focusing on one person
you’re forced to live and die
on how organic you can be with a person when you on
stage you know
and you’re storing
yourself for comedy so i have a lot of respect
matter of fact you know if you remember this but
like was like
back in like january i was all crying like a bitch
so i had to read in
front of like
thirty people
and i’m like i’m scared
and i sent you
a text my dude how the fuck do you do it man just do it
what were you scared of
i had i was reading
a couple of
short stories
in poetry at
a place in the
lower east side in new york and
yeah goes to
those poetry slams and picks up
smart chicks
oh like a poetry
poetry readings
well yeah oh wow so uh
yeah just i was reading his stories
that’s cool
you ever have like the mike myers guy come that goes
woman woman
you know what i’m talking
about no what’s that
you ever see that
movie i saw i
married an axe murder
oh yeah yeah yeah
like nineteen eighty nine
the movie doesn’t hold up so you had some like really
powerful poetry
get you in tears
uh just shit
about real life dude oh that’s awesome
yeah yeah but he was worried
about doing it i was like you fuck in
front of people
that’s cool why was he
worried because it’s it’s
in a closed off environment it’s a totally different
thing you know yeah
comedy is a
funny thing man it’s a
funny thing to interact with people like that and
you know until
one person talks the
other person watches
very very strange thing
and the the
amount of hate that people have for you in the amount
of uncomfortable feeling in the air when it’s not
funny and you’re
still talking and you’re
annoying them
and your set’s
not done it’s not good and you got a lot of time to go
and you got no way to dig yourself out of this hole
cause you’re you know
21 years old you really not
fucking shit to say
about anything
you really shouldn’t even be on stage
yeah you know you’re only
going on there
to get attention try to figure out how to do it
other people’s expenses
bombing is the
worst feeling ever
that’s why everybody’s
afraid to do it it’s a very unsatisfying feeling
losing in front of people like losing a
fight is not nearly it
doesn’t feel as bad as bombing
why is that
hmm i think
my guess is is because when you’re bombing
it’s a little bit of you that you’re putting out there
yeah well losing
is just your performance you know i mean
it’s definitely you
you know it’s one
thing if you lost like a
bitch like if
you you know you tapped out when you didn’t have to
right you know there’s one
thing like you’re
disappointed in yourself like you
you fought you
let the guy have the triangle because you were scared
dudes have done
things like that or you’re just
tired don’t want to
fight anymore yeah yeah yeah or yeah you
should have trained
your conditioning suck there’s that kind of feeling
which is very
disappointing but
if you fight your ass off you
fight your heart out and you lose
this there’s no loss
i mean it’s
you lose but
you fall with honor
you know you you
realize that you have to get better and you’re gonna
learn from your mistakes well that’s the
key i feel like
anybody hates you mistakes are fucking beautiful you’re
never gonna
get better at anything
unless you make mistakes
jesus christ when i
started writing and you’re
gonna laugh in here so i’ve only been writing a year
which which is a joke because you
know there are
guys that are far better than me that have been writing
their entire lives or whatever
but uh yeah but it
doesn’t mean you have
to make mistakes in
order to get better time
is terrible time is not nearly
as important
time is important
but the most important
thing is talent
the most important thing
town is a strange
word because a lot of times people take it to mean that
it comes easy that you’re born with it i don’t
think it’s that there’s a certain intelligence
that people have for different things
some people
have a mathematical intelligence just inherit
they can just
count my friend johnny
i used to be able to
throw numbers at him used to
throw numbers at him and i
would do it in a
calculator and he
would be as fast as a
calculator he was just
he had a mind
for mathematics and he said he had always had it ever
since he was a
child wow yeah his father was a
musician there was some sort of a mathematical
thing in his in his lineage
i don’t have that
but some people have it for different things
and you’ve got it for writing
and that’s what it is it’s just you
appreciate writing you
understand what you appreciate
about it you have ideas and thoughts
and you know how to get
those ideas and thoughts across it’s a talent
you could fucking
it’s like comedy
there’s dudes who do comedy for
fucking decades and they can’t do it
there’s something
wrong they’re not really
getting it they’re not connecting with the audience
they’re not
coming off organic organic they’re not saying
things that people
want to hear they just can’t do it they’re trying hard
they’re working at it they’re just missing
comedic intelligence
a lot of what we do in common is we’re both
you’re telling a
story and we’re both connecting and relating to
other human beings and
i think the
underlying the underlying
thing is the
human condition whether you’re whether you’re an
eskimo you know
looking at the borealis
and your wife just left you for
for the guy that club seals better than
you do or right or whether you’re you know
running around
to the jungles of uganda or whatever you know
and your wife left you for a
guy that blows a fucking blow gum better
human pain suffering love joy all
these things they’re universal
everybody it
doesn’t matter
where you are we all feel
these things the better you can
articulate and relate
these things
and way that another
human being can
understand it the better you’re
gonna be you know that’s that’s what’s all
about do you feel like doing
crazy shit like fighting
aaron brink and you know doing boxing matches and
all this wild shit that you’ve done
has given you uh more of
an understanding
about the the really extreme
experiences of life and that’s one of
things that makes you a good writer
yeah and that plus what you said earlier
about when you’re
twenty one year old kid and just
starting out i’m almost forty
i’m thirty it’ll be
thirty nine a couple of
months had i
started writing when i was younger
it would have suck
cause i had nothing to fucking say
yeah no life
experience i don’t i
wouldn’t have
known what it was like to have a
been with the
girl for a decade and have a relationship and badly and
or you know have someone i really
cared about i
think you would have
still been good
you know you just
wouldn’t have had the same
things to say
about the you
still would have had
things to say
like you know like when i
first started doing comedy i
definitely wasn’t very good
i didn’t have anything to say but
i got good at commenting
through doing that i get good at
understanding the
rhythm of it and the
yeah if you just
started earlier
you would have
still been you
man you’re not giving yourself enough credit it
wouldn’t have
been the same but like i have a lot of writing
on my blog i
started a blog i
think i started in 98 98 or 99
and i’ve been writing
fairly regularly
since then sometimes i’ll go back and read my old shit
and read like how i got
started into writing
and see how it’s
evolved and
grown and you
could see it man you see that
pollution it’s
right there in the writing
yeah i purposely don’t go back and re edit
the older stuff on my blog
would spin up for a year
which is yeah me
too i don’t
cause exactly you
wanna go back and look and see how
far you progress sure it’s a moment in time and people
say that to me
you know hey
i really enjoy
watching the
progress in your writing you see it grow and gain
confidence i want people to see that because
i don’t want you to just see
me at my best i don’t mind you seeing the flaws and the
stuff that’s not so good and
the typos and the
errors that i had from 1998 i don’t need to go fix that
i wish it went back farther where it
would say i like legos and i like purple right
i found an old
comic book that i drew
when i was six years old
nice mom found it yeah i used to draw
comic books i used to make
my own comic book staple
them together and shit
zero fucking nuts man it’s nuts
going back and looking at your life
very very fucking strange
very strange what was your comics
about mine was mostly robot
transformer type stuff
mine was all
monsters from
space really
we should do a joint
comic book sometime
you know we
should yeah we should
you like one page i
write the next
and neither one of us knows what’s
gonna happen exactly we
would just have to figure out who gets to end it who
gets to start
it that’s right
that’s a good idea
i would like i like the idea but i’m too fucking lazy
to draw all
those characters out but that’s hardly
draw anymore
once a week it has
to be something so even if it’s you just some papers
going boom or something
like that my
daughter loves
to draw so i draw now more than i’ve ever
drawn in like years
we’re constantly drawing
things i love it
yeah the best is when
restaurants you can draw in restaurants i always draw
like boobs and
stuff and then when the waitress comes i put the
bread on and so she can’t see it and then when i
leave i take the
bread off and then oh
well they have
those little menus for kids with the crayons they
bring on sometimes too and it
draws tits on them
it’s boobs everywhere for me
yeah you would love piranha
3d really you
would love it coming
right at you
you just wanna see
tits the only
problem i have with is the preview was one of those
movies i was like that looks like the
worst movie i’ve ever seen it wasn’t the
worst movie i like
the original
it was not the
worst movie ever
it’s what it is is
a dumb movie that knows it’s a dumb
movie that’s good so
it’s good for what it is
and the chicks are high
and there’s a lot of special effects
it’s not bad
it’s fun let
me get to know what it is i
guess it takes
place during spring
break or something
dude how strong
how strong is your mind
that’s what i would do
how strong is your how many
how many decapitated
boobs are there in
there oh there’s a lot a lot of decapitation a lot of
everything that’s what i was
guessing it’s the goriest
movie i’ve ever seen
right movie with the most hits i’ve ever seen wow
both together
it’s very strange i
still read it all
yeah yeah rate it out
yeah you don’t ever get
to see pussy
you just the girls are
naked but you know they just do it
right where they
blur out the
snatch and move
things and you know
there’s always a leg in the way
you know even when they’re
swimming don’t really get to see their
pussy is there any part
where there’s genitals on a fish and that yes
is it really yes
yeah i can’t tell you
i don’t wanna i don’t
wanna spoil it
like spoiled fish
just go see this
shit no not fish vagina oh i thought there was like no
no dudes dick
no um it’s a
it’s worth saying
i had fun wait was that
we were twittering
about last night
yeah okay i’m not
gonna spoil it
yeah that was
funny as fuck
did you see
scott pilgrim
yet versus the world
have you seen it yet joe
no no haven’t can i see that too
yeah yeah people keep saying that you said
that a couple times and love you really liked it huh
great maybe
it’s nice when a good
movie comes out man the
tron movie looks really fucking strange that
preview kind of
builds up my excitement
it’s like we’ve seen
john bridges as a
young man again yeah
they cgi to his face
wait wait really
young man i didn’t know that
i thought it was him
no there’s an old him and the
young him in the preview wow yeah there’s him
from when he
first made the
first tron movie
they like they
recreated his face like that and it’s really realistic
the lips are off a little bit
the lips are off a little
bit when he’s talking there’s something looks funky
about it i did not even catch that
oh you didn’t
catch that no
i must be two versions
there’s the old version
old old jeff bridges who’s actually
alive today and then the
young one who’s in the game
wow the guy
first meets his dad he’s like dad
he’s like i’m not your dad you know it’s like it’s a
young version
gotcha but it’s pretty tripping
so he needs a redo altered states
yeah i’ve thought
about sleep
deprivation shit
yeah what the fuck
sleep dep no
sleep deprivation
sensor sensor
see a sensor deprivation yeah jesus
it’s the shit man you wanna you
wanna to explore
your mind you
wanna get really creative
no you cause you’re a
writer scares me dude why it
scares me the shit
the shit the
shit that’s filtered
behind the dam
right now i’m fucking afraid
you gotta get
in there and look around son i need to make a
sequel to dark crystal
no but she needs
to get an isolation tank you need to do it man
for your writing it’ll be huge trust me
where do you live
hollywood hollywood
there’s a place
in burbank you can go to called soothing solutions
and there’s a really good
place you’re serious
oh fuck yeah i got one in my basement
yeah i just that’s my move
i just used the
closet the the sensory deprivation
chamber has been the most important tool that
i’ve ever used for for mine for developing my mind for
thinking for
evolving so i’m not gonna like
think i’m like a half a path are you
probably would
do that too
because they also
should no you
definitely have you’ll
never come back
definitely have
crazy psychedelic
experiences in there
definitely but it is also it’s a very
powerful fear form of
of looking at yourself like
introspective thinking
now you lose it when this is
going on your sort
yeah sometimes
you go in and out
you go lose it and then you know
like you it depends on how much you can let yourself go
the whole thing
about the isolation tank is
the tank is filled with
water the water is heated
to the same temperature as your body and there’s 800
pounds of salt in the
water so the
suspension is
yeah you float
and so you don’t have to
worry about sinking and drowning
so you just
float there and
relax and because the
water is the
temperature of your body you don’t really feel it
after a while once you settle in
in this total darkness because the
thing is closed off sealed
total silence you don’t hear anything your ears are
underwater and how long does it take for this to
start working on
see that’s the important
thing it’s how
much you let go and how comfortable you are with the
experience because there’s like
control and your feeling of trying to control
things in your body and in your mind it’s like
layers of an onion
and when you first
start doing
the isolation tank you can only get a couple
layers of the onion in
a couple skins loose
you can’t really
go to the core it’s too hard it’s too hard
to completely let go who you are
but as you get better
at it and as you get more and more comfortable with the
experience you get better at
actually letting go really letting go letting go from
letting go letting go from the feeling of letting go
letting go from that point okay
i’ve let go no you
haven’t let go more
go more like
little more
and then yeah and then you become
gone you disappear and then
while you’re
disappearing have you been fuck yeah
while you’re disappearing this is this what happens you
start thinking i can’t believe i’m disappearing
fuck then you’re back
again you’re gonna
start from square one
you gotta let go and you
gotta let go and you
gotta let go and you
gotta get to the
point where you
literally completely
relax and your body
gives you amazing energy
your body the tension release
that you have in your body from a couple
hours in the tank is incredible you feel lighter
you feel like
more oxygen is in your body you feel like more vibrant
and it’s just
because you’ve somehow another calmed the tension
now what’s the longest you’ve
been one of
those tanks couple
hours whose fucking phone is near the
not mine shit is
shut your shit up bro
mine’s off is it
dude that’s
fucking fascinating it’s fucking incredible man you
would love it
you would love it you need to do it you’re a
thinker i’m down
for it i’m down for it dude
what it does is
the first twenty minutes or so for me at least
it’s like sort of a seminar in my life
it shows me all the different issues in
my life that i don’t like and then it need to fix and
things that are bothering me
things about my own behavior that it
could have been better and
things that
where i’m disappointed in myself and then
it’ll show me some
things where i’m on the
right track
this is good continue here continue doing this continue
thinking like this continue exploring
these ideas
but then once it gets me done
it’s like let’s let’s let’s
clear out all this bullshit in your life
then let’s think
about the big
picture and then it goes from that to
this sort of relaxing
position where
my whole body is just settled into the
experience and then
it’s just pure thought it’s like the mind
completely untethered from the body
and then i start contemplating
everything i
start contemplating the universe and contemplating
the role of
human beings in each
actions all accumulating together to one specific event
i start thinking all kinds of
crazy crazy shit
but without the body in the way
right without
even us having
this cool conversation here we’re sitting here on a
couch we’re looking at each
other we’re looking at computers and there’s
sounds and noises and there’s a lot of distractions
you know just your body is a distraction
yeah we’re still
self aware the fact that we’re here
yeah man the tank i recommended to so
many people and so few people take me up on it i’m like
man you don’t know what you’re missing you got some
crazy fucking environment that
doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world
and it’s fairly inexpensive to achieve
if the tank was something
where it was a machine
and you would have to
strap yourself in
and they would take you through a course
where you would
learn how to get to the center of consciousness
where your body and your mind didn’t exist
it would be like a ride on disneyland and the line
would be seven hours long
but because it’s this
weird sort of
organic method of doing it it seems strange
like you’re
going to get in this big coffin filled with
water and you
close the lid i get claustrophobic
and people start
coming up with reasons why they don’t want to do it
it’s so important everybody
should do the tank
you will learn more
about yourself than any other way
and if you have an aversion
to drugs which totally makes
sense if you
think that like
drugs are dangerous you get addicted to
things that’s true you can if you don’t
trust yourself you don’t like the idea
you can have very
naturally in the tank
everybody should be doing it
it’s a fucking amazing way to
think and this assault your
creativity a lot fuck yeah
it’s responsible for ninety percent of my thoughts fuck
i my all my
evolution the
evolution of all my thoughts almost always takes
place in the tank because
when i have an idea
or i have a concept or something that i’m working on
two things i’ll do one
i’ll sit down i’ll
flesh it out
i’ll write what i
think about
things just kind of off the top of my head
and then once i’ve done that once i’ve really kind
of exported then i get in the tank and i rethink the
whole thing
and then when i rethink the
whole thing sometimes in the tank i consider
other places
where other
points of view i consider
other ways of looking at it
where i may not have been as sensitive to
another person’s opinion coming from another position
and i look at the
whole thing almost like outside of myself
without your
real life issues getting in the way and
yeah and look at it how
other people
would see it
look at my thoughts and my ideas and my behavior
as other people
would see it
whether they’re biased or unbiased
whether they’re seeing it
for what it really is
or that they’re seeing it for what they
would like it to be because they’re
upset of themselves
and how all that can be
and adjusted and
you can get to a
point where you’re not
annoying people with your thoughts nearly as much
there’s so much
thinking that goes on in that tank there’s so much
evolution that goes on in there that it seems
like it’s almost impossible to do outside of there
because there’s no distractions in there nothing at all
it’s just the thought it’s an amazing environment
it really should be
taught in schools
all university
should have them they
should have them and they
should make them
available to all of
their students one of the
greatest tools ever for
exploring thinking exploring the way you think
and sort of making an
audit of all your own personal thoughts and ideas and
which ones are you hanging on to because of your ego
which ones are you hanging on to because they’re
beneficial to you
which ones are
you hanging on to because you hate your dad
and he put these in your head and so they’re
stuck in there
just it’s so fascinating man it’s so few people do it
i hate to rant on this anymore than i already do
but i just i don’t
understand it i keep talking
about it and people don’t do it i’m like you’re
crazy so think
a lot of it
yeah well i
think a lot of it is probably
price and i’ve been reading a lot of
forty bucks bro how much do people
spend going on the weekend
cheaper than therapy man
yeah forty bucks but that’s what it is
i would say in
california a lot of people
spend forty
bucks on massages and doing
things like that but when you’re in ohio
forty bucks is like damn it’s either
i buy a bag of weed this week or i’m
getting it’s
water you don’t have to
float every week
dude i i tell you man the
experience of
floating is is more intense than weed
do you like hallucinations
yes yes yes some
people don’t
though i’ve been reading i’ve been read like
doing a lot of following
since we talked
about a lot and then i’ve
been a lot of people to say you know like i’ve gone
three times nothing’s ever happened and
i have names for
those people yeah
you know what
those people are they’re
dummies dummies
this is or this
is the deal shitty
places that they’re
going to there’s
water there is not right but
it’s not even i shouldn’t say they’re
dummies what i
should say is people are impatient they want
things to happen right away
it’s a difficult
state of mind that you have to put yourself
into to really connect with the universe in one of
those things
and you have to
learn how to let
everything go and there’s some people that cannot let
things go because
their view of the
world is very distorted and they have to
protect that view and they lie to themselves every day
to protect that view
and then when you’re in the tank and
these thoughts just come
right to the surface
people battle with them and so they have arguments in
their mind about
these thoughts and ideas
and then it’s an uncomfortable
experience and they
never let go so they
never go they’re not comfortable with themselves enough
to actually look themselves
they have to be able to look at themselves
if you can’t do that you can’t get in the tank
but if you can
you just gotta
learn how to slowly
relax that’s all it is you gotta
learn how to
relax and let go
and once you do once you do it for a
bunch of times
and you get
really good at it you become like a master traveler
you become a person like i’ve done it so many times now
and i’ve had them for so many years
that all i have
to do is if i take a couple weeks off though i struggle
i struggle and i have to have introductory periods
where i’m getting back to the
state of mind
it’ll take a little bit
but once i do it
three or four days in a row or
four times in a week or so
you know then it really
starts to kick in see that was my next question is
it i was thinking i was
gonna ask you if it was
a situation
where you do it enough and you
don’t need the tank and you can just get tested a mile
by yourself
i mean you can get somewhere you can put like a wet
sheet on you and no i mean
it’s all about
diving into the mind it’s all
about diving into the mind and
avoiding all the distractions i mean that’s what all
meditation is
about it’s really
about sort of exploring
the inner sanctum of your consciousness without
outside influences without
thinking about all the
things that are
around you in your environment just concentrating on
the thought like a lot of people do it with breathing
you can achieve some pretty intense
states of mind like
buddhist monks
meditation but you can get
right there
where it takes
them hundreds of years or whatever the fuck it takes
to you know sitting in them
you know a monastery with
robes on with your fucking head shaved you can get
right there in a tank in like a week
you know like you don’t you don’t have to do all that
crazy go to the mountain top shit
the tanks way nuttier
if you ever
heard of like
audio chirping
where you start chirping by listening to different
audio you know i
tried it out once
and it does i did get really relaxed i
never went to
you know all
the way or anything like that but there’s people that
that believe in that shit
will totally make sense of
music affects your mood absolutely
i mean it’s
a vibration in a good song like gives you like a
crazy charge it’s like weird
sounds though
some songs make you cry man you know
you know some songs
especially when you’re younger
it’s funny how you look
back at songs that you thought were fucking incredible
back then yeah
today you just like
you know the song captain jack
captain jack
i could find it
billy joel you know that song
well how’s it go
oh you got you got a
plan i can’t say
yeah i used to be that way with
the jump from the
pointer sisters oh
i really got you
it really got me
every time i heard it
it’s a message of joy
it’s a message of joy
all right hey yo captain jack
that was billy joel
billy joel it doesn’t look like billy joel but
it looks old it’s gotta be billy joel this might be
no no no no no no no you gotta find billy joel captain
jack billy joel maybe that’s not the name of the song
here we go okay this song
made me cry
when i was a kid we don’t have to play at all
why are you
going live stop that stop that
never go live never
kill it
never never go to live performance so it
sounds like shit
you better get in a fucking
soundproof box and sing dude
here you fucking singing in front of an
arena from the thousands of people if i’m not in that
arena save it yeah the energy doesn’t
translate yeah i mean
it’s cool to see people perform live don’t get me wrong
but watching live performances
live too you fucking homo either i live
brian it’s out there i swear to god it is
my pointer video for it i don’t know
maybe that’s why that’s probably
gonna be a video for fucking billy joel you think wow
all these are live really yeah
okay why don’t you go to itunes then
okay something like some mp3
thing we can just stream things
we suck at internet
i’ll try to find it
so how long have you kept this blog up
started in july of 2009
how many hits you
getting on like a regular basis you get a lot of hits
it’s it’s funny i was only getting like
maybe 30 40 hits a day
until of all people
fucking tucker max came across my blog and he
started a writing thread on his
form for me
really and just
just like that
it was up to like fifteen thousand a day just god
damn overnight and
it did sold a lot of fucking books you know so
yeah it’s got a pretty loyal
rapid fan base
that’s fucking awesome of him yeah he
uh he did that
very i mean look at he
he uh you know he had nothing to gain
from you know taking me taking me aside and you know
telling me that i
should pursue and actually
have something and he had nothing to gain whatsoever so
it doesn’t happen that
often in this
world you know
it doesn’t so
yeah it doesn’t
where people have
power and they
reach out and try to help people with it yeah
so i respect that
no strange so yeah i mean it’s dipped off
it’s dipped off
quite a bit
since then but you know it’s
this is it
this shit used to make me cry
keep it going that’s just the preview that’s it yeah
well you buy the song
fuck i don’t have an account on here how dare you oh
dear wonder you don’t got depressed fucking junkies and
closet queen that’s a good goddamn
song billy joe could sing his fucking ass off
billy joel the young billy joel was a bad motherfucker
but then billy joel got that christy brinkly
pussy and that shit just wrecked him
that christie brinkley like having like a
super hot wife like that and being super rich
whatever dude
after that it was uptown girl
she’s been living
yeah that was good if you had a lobotomy
it’s not the same music man the other shit had passions
soul more commercial the other shit was
black and white while the rain going on the
background you know the other shit was brilliant
how come you can’t connect so we can hear it through
some working earlier
try it again because these speakers suck dick
you just pull out everybody’s speakers
turn it down a little bit
this song used to depress
the fuck out of me when i lived in boston
i’m a grown man in
the lyrics of depressing me this song is
to me this is when i was like 14 15 years old
convinced that i was gonna be a loser
sitting in my fucking bedroom
snowing outside nothing to do
not knowing what the fuck my life is all about
sucking at school
hating every second of it
seeing all these idiots around me what year was this
me for me the song was a long lot
earlier than that but for me
this represents like nineteen eighty one to me
this is why i used to cry listen this shit
in the closet please
and i don’t
like the way you singing this it’s not as good as the
studio version keep it
going though fuck it
because it’s such a badass song
hear that crowd going nuts
man what a rush that must be huh
what he knows he’s got a badass
lyric like that captain jack will get you high tonight
take you to your special island and the
place goes fucking bananas
just rewind back to where he says that
rewind back to where he says that
it’s not working
flash will not allow you to do that joe what
does flash suck that bad of course it does
oh he’s killing me here kill it
yeah when he was younger there was like a purity to his
voice there
was like a purity to his intent when he was saying
these things like you really believed it
then that like as he got
older it’s like he’s singing it
probably like the
tenth song in his set too
well yeah and then
you know he
sang that song
a fucking hundred million times and loses meaning
after a while
but man when he was
young that shit was deep
fuck it’s the
first time i’ve ever
heard it and i’ve
been that guy you know that he’s singing
about you know
the same fourteen year old kid you were
i mean we can all relate
to that shit that’s why it’s a good song you know
how much depression is
there in the porn business there’s a lot of depression
going on that business huh
yeah you know the
funny thing it’s it’s
people deal with it in different ways man i mean
people deal with it in different ways i happen to be an
introvert so i go into my little
world and i sit behind my
stupid little keyboard and i vent
and i that’s
therapeutic to me you know so
but yeah i mean
you’re in a situation
where you’re doing
your career and even if you’re the best in the fucking
world at your career
the best in the
world you know
you’re still
less regarded
than a guy that picks up the garbage on tuesdays
so that’s that’s
yeah people must
like wives want to
avoid you they don’t want you around the house
yeah and you have to be
you have to like temper conversations
about people less than
i mean it goes back to mass loss hierarchy of
needs i mean you need to feel like you’re accepted and
loved by other people i mean i don’t care how much of a
loner how much of badass you
think you are
acceptance is one of the
pivotal key
things that makes us human
right and when you can’t
be accepted for who you are what you do you know it’s
it’s fucking
tough man that
alone even if it wasn’t you know chugging cock or
slinging cock or whatever
even if you were
a food taster and you know food tasting was somehow
right you know
a taboo profession whatever it is you know
so i mean i
meter maids man
meter maids get depressed as
fuck oh my god
hate on you all
that case in
point they probably get
attacked all the fucking time
it’s a fascinating
thing man i will
never understand i mean i do
understand obviously
you know people are embarrassed and people want
to project morals on our society and they
wanna adhere to a certain
standard of behavior and they don’t
think the girls
should be out there wild and fucking in the streets
i understand why
they’re trying to not promote that like they don’t want
their daughters getting involved in this they want
these cd people involved
but i don’t i don’t
understand all the hate i’ve
never understood all the hate
uh could be coming from a
place from within
where they’re
not comfortable with themselves in some areas
maybe they’re repressed
which should be amazed how many
people actually repressed and they and they take the
exact opposite of uh
like being outwardly
aggressive about and
everything i mean you see this all the time when
you know form so like you know you post all the
time you see people that are seriously regressing this
repressed and they’re
aggressive against
other people they’re doing what they wish they
could be doing or whatever
right right
right dude you
gotta sign up to my
board i did last
night did you i did
i did last night
yes what’s your name on there
tyler knight cool
he’s tyler knight
everywhere son
it is not the fuck
i didn’t know if he’s
gonna be like username for to nah no
why would he
when he’s got
a lot of people don’t do that yeah but it’s
smart to me he’s trying to promote his
shit you know
trying to get people to read a shit
so um do you have anybody that’s interested in
publishing you right now
i just finished
ninety thousand word
novel which took
forever to write what’s it
about um it’s a romantically
novel basically it’s
a character strongly
based off of myself and my
experience in the business
the stories on my blog
are for the most part
stories that i fictionalized i
changed names and you know
slightly off the situation so i don’t get like
trouble live rat anybody out
all vampires yeah
fucking real life is stranger than fiction yes sparkly
sparkly porn stars yeah
real life is
changing the fiction man so you know salami
right you know
salami yeah we used to roll together
yeah of course
salami invited us all to his
porno party it’s one of my best blogs that i ever wrote
you could find it online if you just
google joe rogan
net porno party you find on the blogs but it was
they had an outdoor showing
of one of salami’s porn films
and invited like a bunch of dudes come down and
watch it one of the fucking strangest
things i’ve ever seen in my life
we’re all standing around though they have this
giant projection stream
watching chicks get fucked
yeah it’s a little uncomfortable so uh
what do you talk
about you know
well what we talked
about is the girl who was in the scene she actually
i talked about this before so
briefly there was a girl who was in the scene
who was on a date
and she did
not tell the date that she was a porn star oh shit
and so she brings the date to the
screening and this is outdoor in this
giant parking lot they’re blowing up on a building
and we’re out there and
she’s just getting gorilla fucked
19 feet tall
yeah ass to
mouth ass to
mouth blu ray
gagging gagging
while he’s fucking her mouth
this guy just fucking the shit out of her
and the kid
gets out of the car with her
and this is the first
thing that he sees he looks up and he sees the screen
and this guy’s
going ass to
mouth on her
now have you noticed
jesus have you noticed anything with
like blu ray like everyone
saying like hd now is different you know jay lino
has to worry
about makeup now are you concerned more
about your asshole
now you’re like oh my god yeah you see
shit you don’t want to see
right yeah jay
leno has to
worry about makeup
well you know like nowadays like tv actors are all
freaked out because
they have to have like better makeup and it’s close to
you don’t look perfect god damn it
yeah yeah so the real
problem is with actresses
i think with a lot of
makeup on they look great
and you know a non hd but then you see an hd you like
this fucking makeup this
bitch has gone on what the fuck do you really look like
the mirror of
truth man that’s why i’m glad i’m at dude the pressure
to oh no look a certain way so much easier
so much easier for a dude all dude as dudes be
successful that’s the biggest
after you say
in the world man
yeah for chick man what a
grind man trying to keep up being sexually
attractive forever
and that’s the only
thing you’ve got
yeah that’s why there’s nothing sadder than old hookers
there’s nothing sadder than like some old
chick that’s
still trying
to get guys to be sexually into her it’s like
she never made the
transition to the next
stage of life she never
figured out a way to develop
a personality
it’s so funny you said that there’s a book i just read
for like the
fifth time it’s called last exit to brooklyn
by hubert selby jr he
wrote a record
for a dream
he wrote that okay
and there’s there’s
it’s a series of
short stories one of the
short stories is
about a hooker
who was really beautiful during like
world war two in brooklyn
and she was you know servicing
sailors and
stuff like that
and instead of taking her
money and getting out she stayed
and like this is in the 70s now or whatever 60s 70s
and she’s still hooking
and she’s not the
fifth of the
woman she used to be and it’s really fucking trust now
oh this it’s it’s fiction but she was like well
in like her fifties or whatever and
still hooking in
it’s a weird
thing for women because they go from being not just
attractive but
magnetic yeah
where men will do anything for them and
stumbling over them
they go from that to eventually being a monster
being something that’s
completely unattractive
and they’re repulsive
and they go to
touch a man he’s like shrieks can you imagine
think about this okay
can you imagine if you know you have your you have your
success you have your fan base now
can you imagine if your
if you’re talent as a comedian
was something that deteriorated over time
while she was
there for women
and how would that affect you psychologically you’d be
crushed you’d be
crushed it’s amazing
it’s amazing
more of them don’t jump off bridges that’s why
you go right to baby
yeah well for
women then it becomes a different
state of consciousness as it becomes taking care of the
babies and being the mom and
focuses off yeah i
never understood that
until i saw it happen
and i’m like oh so it’s like it’s just the next level
of understanding it’s the next
level of thinking you just you become one with this new
phase of who you are now
well let’s let’s look at the very beginning when
the other side of that when did you realize that you
a had something with your comedy
and b when did you realize what
was it that you made you realize when you made it that
you made it as far as your
skill level and you know you’re accepted for as far as
knowing what
be when i could do it
knowing when i had something with comedy
that shit took years there was even when i
would have good sets like many many years and i
still felt like a
fraud you know
cause i’d see somebody
who was really good and i was like fuck you know
and i grew up in boston
which had a
tremendous amount
of really good
strong headliners
that really kind of stayed in the area and
never left they were
just as good as any
mainstream big name national acts like
these guys like don gavin and
steve sweeney and
kenny rogerson
they were like top flight comedians like all over the
world and so i was always comparing myself
to them and i was like i fucking suck you know come
on doing here
you know yeah i’m getting some
laughs and i’m
doing okay i’ve been doing comedy for two years now but
the reality is i suck
i suck compared
to them so it took years and years and years and years
till i felt like i was like a real
comic it took like ten years
takes a long ass time it’s the 10 000 hour
thing that we were talking
about earlier yeah
you know you really have to do something and
by no means was i any
expert at comedy
at 10 years in i just
understood how to do it better
well it’s hard
to be objective with yourself also i mean
you need a little bit of detachment to be able to yeah
it wasn’t my best in like my
first cd was i’m
gonna be dead someday
which i did in 1999
i listen to the delivery
right now and i go
delivery is like forced and i
think i was a little too
excited i got too loud and too many
places and i don’t
think the delivery is as
smooth as i
would have done it
today but the material is good stuff
it’s like good funny
silly shit and you
know for me
it was my best
thing that i had ever done up
until then it’s like
so i had 10 years of comedy and then boom i put out my
first cd was that a turning
point where you realized that
everything started
clicking for you
no not really
cause i was already on newsradio when i did
that i had already been on newsradio for five years the
tv show yeah
sorry it had the tv show
as a comic it was the
first time that i really put comedy together
when i got on the tv show man i got real lazy for a
while i didn’t
write any jokes for
fucking years barely performed
and i would perform
i wouldn’t be into it as much because i’d be working on
the set all day and i got lazy and i got a part of that
but then somewhere in
i kind of had
a couple bad sets and one time i had a couple bad sets
where some of the writers from newsradio came to see me
i had one bad set in
front of them and i was like
all right i
should not be having
these bad sets like this i’m having
these bad sets because i’m fucking lazy
because i’m
not writing anything and i’m not being enthusiastic
about it now i’m embarrassing
myself people come to see me and i’m not funny
so i felt bad
about that and then i really geared up
after that and started
spending a lot more time working on my set
you know like they say losses help a
fighter bombing helps a comedian for sure and you you
learn a lot
about what you’re doing wrong
you learn a lot
about like how people
reacting to you the
wrong way and that you
never want it to happen again so
so that that that that woke me up and then within like
two years i did the cd
you know so that was the
first time i
was ever like okay i’m like a real comedian now
like i really have
a cd on warner brothers like this is like real shit
right but i
still didn’t feel like i know what i was doing it
was always like
it’s always a struggle to this day being
22 years into it
there’s still to this day
it’s always
like you’re on a surfboard you better fucking balance
bitch cause if
you think you could just
stand up and you know what you’re doing
you’re gonna fall down you
gotta adjust you
gotta move you
gotta keep going
it’s a constant
state of motion
yeah complacency is
definitely uh
a bad thing
with everything
right with your writing to
and how how
much you see you told me you’re writing like
eight hours a day
right well yeah the
funny thing is as the business is
going down the toilet
it the porn business yeah the pimp
yeah the porn business is
going down the toilet the the only benefit of that
is i’m working just enough that i don’t have to like
you know sell
crack or whatever
to you know make up the difference
but it gives me all this free time to
write and it’s
that i’m getting the ten thousand
hours instead of having
spread out over
a decade i’m getting it in a really intensive
short period
someone would be
crazy to not publish a shit i really
think that it’s this is we’re
gonna have this conversation a year from now and you’re
laughing and you’re
a successful
writer no i’m telling you man i’m telling you it’s good
stuff it’s really good
stuff thanks man
again it’s hard to be objective you know i’m just
i know i don’t
i know i don’t
suck and then i like
you say when you when you come across someone who’s
who’s the top level the
craft that you’re in
right and like martin
amis i was reading
money and i’m like
jesus christ i
should just stop writing right now
right right
i know how you feel man
you know you
gotta just be inspired by that just see
the the the economy of his words and the the perfect
you know choice
of sentences and adjectives
and nouns and all put together in a beautiful
like a poetry of words yeah
you know when that’s really
when someone really
nails it with writing and it really connects so you
wanna like go back and read the
whole passage over and over reverse engineer it exactly
just like when you do a joke
you find out why it worked
why the delivery not just the writing of why the
delivery the timing
of it and you get like a feeling a
sense of it and it just inspires you makes you better
you know when people talk
about plagiarism and
stuff like that
plagiarism is obviously disgusting
and you were telling me that you’ve been victimized
yeah to to a to a lesser extent uh
uh people are always gonna copy
other people’s work but everyone’s inspired by
other people’s and that’s why i couldn’t
that’s a compliment
you get it isn’t it isn’t
he’s he’s really just rework
i mean bullshit he’s just a dummy
look i steal from
other people all the fucking time
stealing in a sense
right i take what
works for them
and like what kind of stuff
i’ll give you an example
chuck pollani
for example i
see what he does well
with his minimalist
style of writing called dangerous writing how he
doesn’t make
doesn’t make judgments for the reader he he shows
human condition he shows
human condition without saying this person is
you know mean
evil you know whatever and he lets the reader make his
own own decisions
by showing this person through
their actions
and his word economy is just fucking brilliant and
you know even if you don’t
you can read a thousand of his stories and
think it’s just good commercial fiction and
never see the
craft and what he does
and that’s the sign of good writing
right there is when the
craft is invisible and when it’s seamless
you know just like
which sucks you in yeah
just like with i’m sure
the comedy whatever the guy
might be a good
writer but you see him performing instead of him
you know being live
and in the moment and with the audience you know yeah
i remember the
first book that i ever read
where i was
like okay this guy is writing in a way that i’ve really
never heard anybody
write before was bret
easton ellis american psycho
yeah i read that is
a couple of
way back in the day i was an open
micro back in the day
and i remember
remember reading
and being like obsessed with it like what a fucking
crazy book that was yeah
it’s a stream of consciousness
and first person present tense
point of view
which is one of the
things about the
school of minimalism called dangerous writing is
you write about what’s
called dangerous not because you know the writers
gonna get like a
chain song like
come to your
house and you know attack you run around your
house whatever
it’s dangerous writing because you
explore what scares the fuck out of you right
and if you’re scared if you’re scared to
write it and if it makes you feel uncomfortable if it
makes people reading you feel uncomfortable that’s fine
but if it makes you uncomfortable as a writer you’re
going there and different parts of your your body
your your mind your
psyche that’s
where you should be
going you’ll get your biggest
breakthroughs there
and he did that and he talked
about you know
fucking hallucinating to the
point where he sees a
cheerio on a talk show and
atm machines asking to feed cats and running around and
you know slicing girls up and that was that was one
thing but it was it was really brilliant how we use
those as tools to show that he can know
head to toe what you’re wearing you know this
watches by gucci this
jackets by prada
and not know the person’s name and he works the person
every single day
right so with any
great art whether it’s whether it’s
literature whether it’s film
comedy whatever
the best art is a
mirror that’s
held up to the person that’s observing it you know
that’s the best art there is you know
hmm so and that’s what that’s why i thought american
cycle was fucking awesome
it was definitely unique
it was definitely unique and interesting
i always whenever i see something that’s
crazy or depressing i always wonder why is this
entertaining and is it
or is it something that i’m just getting sucked into
like the other day i
started watching the road
you know that
it’s the what’s
this dude’s name
cormac mccarthy
wrote it yeah but who’s the guy who’s the vigo
mortensen thank you
vigo mortensen
is the main star and it is
very depressing and i got to the
point where he was showing his son how to blow his
brains out and i
shut it off
mike check please
i don’t need to
watch that i don’t need to get that’s
depressing as fuck to me
i understand
that it’s very real and you’re capturing a real moment
and it’s like
there’s some art in that but
fuck man i don’t
think i want to get depressed
watching your
movie you definitely
don’t want to be at the book then the book was actually
yeah ours was just reading and our
fear was just reading and
saying it’s pretty intense
yeah it is good
fucking these
mccarthy’s mccarthy
mccarthy is a master
craftsman my
yeah bottom line he’s a master craftsman
i i think i
could handle reading it better than i could
watching it
there was something
about him holding the gun up to the boy’s
mouth and like showing the boy how to blow his
brains out i was like okay
you know it
wouldn’t be better to because he
paints pictures
in your mind and your imagination is far better
than what someone’s
interpretation of what they got oh it is
script in the book or whatever and putting on a
screen but for a book i know that shit ain’t real
i’m watching
when i’m watching a
movie and a dude actually
sticks a gun in his
mouth and shown his kid how to blow his
brains out i’m like okay what the fuck man
you can change your
focus and see there’s a
frame around the
screen and there’s a tv and yeah
i didn’t even get to the
point of it all that end of the
world shit freaks me the fuck out anyway
i just know how
fragile our life really is and society really is and
earth really is and
yeah it takes
being put in a situation that you really get to
appreciate what life
really is yeah situation
was close to
close to death yeah
you know there’s an interesting
study that was just released
that psilocybin
is being used to help
people who are terminally ill
transition into
the the next
you know phase of life to die and
to relieve their anxiety
about this horrible
reality the fact they’re
gonna exit this planet
well they give people psilocybin
they give them mushrooms and they’re like oh shit
gonna be okay
that’s my of course it does dude that’s my that’s
i don’t have a lot of fears in life
but i’ll share this one of my
greatest fears is what
motivates me to try to find to do something with this
writing is i don’t want to feel like my entire life
was a fucking
waste you know
life is fine i
could be i could i
could die you know
getting into the car and driving away from this
place i mean and
i want life to mean something you know i mean it
i don’t subscribe to this
nihilist bullshit that life is here for no
other reason than just to live it
and you know you take it as for what
it is that’s bullshit i mean the odds of you being here
of you being here of all the
sperm that came that were competing to
fight fertilize the egg
at that exact moment in that
month or whatever of all the eggs that came
before and didn’t get
fertilized and all the eggs that go
afterward i mean it
it can’t be just
random shit
why can’t be
why can’t it be just
random why can’t it be that you just
think it’s not
random because of your own
ego and your
bodies need to survive and your own instincts in order
to procreate and keep moving there’s a bunch of
systems that are set up
checks and balances
rewards and rewards for certain behavior
and a lot of it is set up and give you
these certain
powerful feelings
just to make sure that you keep
breeding and so you
could get this delusion of
grandeur and this idea of ego that
while i’m here
for a purpose this is all for a purpose i have to
but that may
be just because your ego wants you to survive and
otherwise there’s no
other way of rationalizing it
yeah that’s that’s that’s definitely
that’s definitely
you guys going deep
yeah well i
think the idea of us you know the idea of a person like
your thing being
important like what you have to give is important
i think in a
sense that’s missing something
and i think that the greater
thing is not that you are here to do something
and i am here to do something and we are here to
contribute i think
we’re all a part of something way bigger
i think it’s that it’s not the
individual it’s not
the incredible emphasis on
the goals and
the accomplishments of the individual
that all of us together
are producing something we’re all together working
as a society as a unit as a as a race as a gigantic
super organism
we’re working towards something and
if you’re not
doing the part that you feel compelled to and
drawn to then you feel very unfulfilled
and a very unfulfilled life
feels like a life wasted
and how does one know what that
particular part
and or path is you know because you’re doing
it you know because you feel it you know because it’s
creativity it’s doing
things that
other people enjoy
i’ll tell you this
absolutely 100 a fact and
a 100 true i
um have zero worries
about what i’m doing
i have no worries
that i’m not doing what i
should be doing or that i’m not
on the right path of none
i’m 100 convinced and sure
that i’m enjoying myself and doing exactly what i
should be doing
and because of that i have so little stress
it eliminates
a huge amount of stress in your life that stress of
of needing to
prove yourself
or needing to find your way if you find your way
once you’ve
found your way then it’s all just about
about being inspired and working hard
and creating and
the relationship that you have with the people that are
enjoying what you’re doing
you are putting
effort and because of that
effort and because of your focus
you’re putting out this positive energy
in the form of something that you’ve created that
other people can enjoy
and so they all tune into this and then they give
you praise and they give you encouragement keep going
and this in turn
boosts you up it
fills your fucking
brain with awesome chemicals you feel
more vibrant and healthy
and it’s like a reward
system set up to keep you creating
and then you go back to your discipline
you go back to sitting in
front of the computer and putting
these long hours
and you are getting
a positive response from it i mean that’s why you’ve
driven yourself so hard so
quickly into writing
not just because you recognize that you need
some way out of a sinking business in the porn industry
but because you
experience a lot
of positive energy in regards to what you’ve done the
stuff that you put out on the
the stuff that you put out on your blogs how
tyler max is
responded to it a
bunch of people respond to your
stuff that way
so that positive energy keeps you going
but i think
it’s all a part of one big
giant thing
i think it’s very hard for us to see
because we have egos and we have all
these natural instincts that are in
place to make sure that we keep doing what we’re doing
but i think all together it’s a part of something giant
we just can’t see it
it’s too complex for us to see
completely or
understand even if we did yeah
i think there’s a lot of freedom though and not
thinking of yourself as like you know
a person who matters
who has to make his mark and do something important
i do what i’m doing even if no one
read a single word
that’s beautiful
i know you do believe me i have no illusions of like
and this is not me being like
self doubting or anything like that or
being negative
nancy i just understand
you know how the economics work and everything
i’m not doing this because i see myself
trading in my
shitty mustang for like a ferrari or something and
that’s not very fulfilling to begin with even
if it did happen but
you don’t get rich by writing
novels you know just
doesn’t happen you know
such what you can get rich by writing novels
you know i mean there’s a
bunch of people that have that that’s silly
you know think
about all the people
that dean koontz fellows the stephen king’s and okay i
should put i
should rephrase that you don’t get rich by writing
literary fiction you get rich by writing commercial
fiction like
genre fiction that
um isn’t that chuck
pollen that guy isn’t he rich
haha isn’t he
he’s one example
in soul dude
don’t think like that you can
everything like that but the
point is it’s not for the
money that’s right yeah
no but you can get rich too dude
you should get a
fucking lock your
brain around that son
get that paper
yeah as king muller likes to say
what’s that noise
airplane airplane
so that’s a message from god
that’s what it is
that’s the airplane is a
trailing is
trailing a big
streamer that says that’s a rap son i
so this is what i want
from you my friend i want you to try an isolation tank
and i want you to
start smoking
weed before you write
try both of
those things
and just give me a report just try it
once for me you don’t have to keep doing it but sativa
sativa is the shit sativa
very important i
smoke weed before
every writing session may i do occasionally
write without smoking weed but
embalming fluid in sativa
so embalming
fluid in the cough you put
embalming fluid in your butthole no you dip
that shit up dip it
up whether not
we would like to
thank the flashlight
flashlight dot com
oh this weekend
i’m gonna be at the ice
house in pasadena right
yeah this friday and saturday two shows
if you want tickets it sells out very
quickly it’s a very small
place it’s a fucking
super cool place for comedy though
very intimate very small
i think it only seats like
180 people or something like that it’s all tight
packed in there and the shit
one of the best
places in the country
so i’ll be there and
i will see you bitches
thank you very much to my friend mr
tyler knight
thanks for being here my friend
thank you for
i should say and
your website is
tyler knight com
and on twitter it’s
tyler knight xxx
that is correct
so follow him on twitter
um if people
wanna get in
touch with you what is the best way to get in
touch with you if some
literary agent or someone wants to get in
touch with you
uh tyler or
tyler knight dot com there you go son
that’s how this
doesn’t give a shit
he just gave out his
whole email on the internet
fuck it actually
filter am i
filter for my
email for like saying like die you know
and work whatever so you have a filter for nigger yeah
i love you niggers
yeah you’re
gonna get email from all over the world buddy
we’re number one in canada
by the way thank you canada we love you bitches
all right thank you everyone we’ll see you at the ice
house in pasadena
thank you brian redband aka rico
you can catch him at redband com
and that’s it
what is this
some going away music okay let’s go some going
joe rogan net who is this
guess ben folds what is it ben folds and folds
but this is the special version
why is it special
because it’s no instruments all voices
oh it’s someone doing a beatbox in the background
this is my favorite part coming up
about this ice cream play
sure it won’t allow me if you call me that
but you get it done yesterday
singing some crazy shit
supposed to be in a happy place yeah yeah
sounds with your
voice that make other people feel better
yeah that is a beautiful thing it’s crazy
ben folds is a powerful vibration
been thinking a lot
i like it i like it as a little gimmick
yeah i don’t
think i’d like to buy an out
whole album of no
music though his
regular versions of that song amazing that’s just like
you know all
voice versions
of it yeah that was good
the beautiful ability to inspire
tyler knight inspires every day on tyler knight com
thank you very much ladies and gentlemen
we’ll see you dirty bitches next week later
red bun