road to cpms are
okay okay
love with me
so what did you say they’re saying
thumb in the nose at every what they’re
thumbing their nose at every victim and hero
victim in here they’re thumbing their nose
as we’re saying
before we were rudely cut off
rudely cut off
we started earlier but we didn’t have any sound
something was going on with the you
stream feed so we decided to redo everything and
you know saying this is a very strange song
well i mean it’s
strange that anybody would actually record it
i think that there’s something sad
about it i mean there’s something kind of pathetic
about the passion in the guy’s voice
you know what i mean like he
sounds like it’s like a baby
he’s like an infant
like he’s believes
everything that guy believes
everything and he’s like you know i’m
gonna do my part i’m
gonna make a song
brian what the
fuck are you doing i just fucked a couple
brian sit up
that was mad complicated
yeah we fucked up
folks we had a serious issue
we couldn’t get any sound
it was ugly and
brian pulled
it together somehow another we had a swap laptop so i
think my laptop sound port
might have shit the bed
fucking max
how fuck man amazing
it’s cause you’re fucking mac queer
shut that song off before it rots my brain
i’m here with duncan
trussell patriot
ladies and gentlemen
a true true patriot
a man of the people that’s
right and a big support of the
flashlight is that correct duncan and the tea party
yeah you support the tea party as well yeah and the
flashlight upside down real quick so
this is our sponsor
this is our
commercial part of the show here
the flashlight ladies and gentlemen
if you’ve never used one
i don’t recommend you jump
right into the butthole version
start off with the dick one
what no don’t do that
but you can keep this in your refrigerator nobody would
think you’re a pervert it’s like a little beer can
who keeps a beer in the refrigerator you don’t
what are you
doing you want a beer oh i thought you said freezer
i really heard you
say freezer
that’s weird
i swear to god i heard
freezer duncan trussell
stand up comedian
good pal former roommate
he’s on the show
today duncan
thank you very much for coming aboard
thanks for having me on i’m
sorry we were
so fucked up put your headphones on so you can
sound what you sound like
i’d rather not
i want you to though
i hate my voice
i hate the way my voice
sounds let’s try
you can’t hear it when you’re hello
look at you
hello hello
here we are
so for people who don’t know you duncan
duncan trussell
tru two ss e2ls com
they can find out
all kinds of shit
about you yeah sort of
find out about your bio
you ever get
chicks that
have seen you online
like seeing some of the
stuff that you’ve done and say
and like send you an
email like wow i think
you’re really creative
yeah it’s the best it happens once
every equinox
at the most but on occasion
yeah anytime you get
really creative
yeah i really
think you’re cool
i like your website by the way it’s very
trippy and crazy it’s really fun to get
stoned and explore your
website did you
put it together
yeah i built the
whole thing did you really yeah
it’s cool i love the choice of
music oh calypso
yeah john denver
and do you have to do you have do you have
rights to use that
music or just
throw it up
until anybody tells you how to take it down i’m
just waiting for the cease and desist
from well he’s dead yeah so fuck man it’s not
gonna happen
his shit should be free
it’s real if you’re dead you
should be free yeah like michael jackson we
should all be to
sell and make
money off of him can i give a
little no not make
money off of him
but you should be able to just listen to his
music you shouldn’t have to pay he’s dead
do you know he’s dead can i give
some john denver trivia sure
supposedly and you know i don’t know
where i heard
this from but it seems like it came from a good source
his corpse when they
found his corpse was being
eaten by starfish
whoa yeah so
starfish yeah
so he crashed in the ocean he
crashed in the
ocean and he was being i
guess anyone who
crashes in the
ocean it’s gonna happen but somehow
there’s something either really beautiful
about that or really really fucked up but
starfish were devouring his corpse
wasn’t he in some sort of a
it was some sort of a test plane or
it wasn’t it was like what was it what kind of
plane was it
it was one of those
planes that kills rock stars
it’s like what the fuck
is it with rock stars that they get in the shittiest
planes and fly over
bodies of water it’s like
you know that’s how you know you’re
gonna die if you’re in a
little plane with a band
oh yeah there’s like
a one in four chance you’re dead well if you’re filming
videos like in the bahamas
and shit like that that’s just how you
gotta roll you
gotta get in one of
those propeller planes
i know in one of
those a couple years ago we went to lanai
lanai you land
in honolulu and then you take a little puddle jumper
yeah it’s fucking
spooky man it’s the
worst that’s some old
technology son
but it’s like god waits for
their bands to
get in those little
planes and then
strike some down you
should know that that’s the living stevie ray
vaughan how many guys how many
guys went down from
planes and helicopters and shit
if you’re on
a puddle jumper with the pesh mode you’re dead
just fucking
forget it cause you’re gone
been very horny to
think about how
many fucking people how many people big bopper and um
buddy holly right yep
they died um
leonard skynyrd right gone
steve ray vaughan
helicopter yeah
rocky marciano
plane crash
i know he’s not
but i’m throwing him in there anyway
kurt cobain
it’s the same idea
it’s the same idea
get off those foot but for real if you’re yeah
what about j lo
kurt cobain and
courtney love
what do you mean
lisa left that didn’t
he get in the plane
no courtney love killed him
what the fuck you talking about
that’s not even what we’re talking
about we’re talking
about people
dying in planes dude i know lisa
lazy i sent what was her name
brian i forgive
brian i used to
think there was something
wrong with brian but then
brian told me the
story about how he was living in this apartment
and they were pumping
carbon dioxide from the furnace into his bedroom
for like two years
and it made him half retarded
totally for real
it’s really it’s totally true it’s totally true
wait you really
think you have like
something happened to his
brain in there
yeah they cooked his brain
with carbon monoxide i
think it made him a
superhero dioc
dioxide or monoxide
no he’s a superhero it’s like that when the spider bit
uh spider man it’s carbon
is it carbon monoxide why do you
think i can make retarded
videos the nice
carbon monoxide
he’s been poisoned he got is it monoxide
or dioxide dioxide is what you breathe out right
dioxide you breathe out monoxide is what makes you make
great viral videos
right you could
dress cats up
do you ever look back to the days before you
lived in that place and
what would i have been like no because i was my
i was tripping and stuff
you know before that so
so you just cooked your brain
right from the get go
totally but i take
a lot of resveratrol now so i should be fine
right do you think that resveratrol is really the shit
oh i totally love it
i believe in it so much do you think
maybe it’s partly placebo effect probably probably
duncan you taking any vitamins these days
yeah can you tell
yes i can no i haven’t you know
i took i was telling you i took
this reishi infused
yeah yeah tell me about that
these are marijuana drops right yeah
there’s never a fucking lack of creativity in these
crazy weed chops
they’re always coming up with new things so
tell what exactly is this
this is a this is
ratios and i’m probably
mispronouncing it but how do you spell it
r e i s h i
and it’s apparently the super healthy fungus
that when i read on wikipedia what it does
it somehow helps you if you’re having
chest problems or chest pains i
guess it supposedly helps you this
is chinese herbs who the fuck knows if it’s real but
tastes like
shit tastes like echinacea
but the infused part of it is awesome
so they infuse it with thc yes
so you get is it what is the difference between that
effect and the regular
thc drops effect that when
you take it you’re like ugh this is fucking awful but
you feel like you’ve earned it
cause you’re like suffering through it like
you’ve got a mini
ayahuasca trip
yeah exactly like but
you know i don’t know i mean it’s all
placebo by the way
the placebo
effect is underrated
because fuck yeah it
is the placebo effect is
powerful man it really is
so when you’re you know normal so
when you eat pot
as anyone who’s eating pot knows it’s very
strong and there’s like a chance
somewhere in that trip that
you can go a little dark or get a little paranoid or
things can seem weird
but if you’ve been taking
an herbal chinese
super medicine with the drop
then when shit
starts getting
weird you can think no
i’m on rishi
i’m on a chinese herb that’s healthy
and then it kind of banishes the
demons a little bit
really no it’s not true that
wouldn’t work with me didn’t help at all i
was kind of making out because i took it
and went snorkeling
on a reef oh my god
yeah it was fucking how deep did you go how deep
like say if
we at the bottom of the pool like how high were you
high i was fucking high i was
i was bottom of the pool
bottom of the pool
chartered boat
i’m sitting
there because we were like you know what we’re
going snorkeling
let’s go hunter
s thompson style
just and i was
drinking it i wasn’t
dropping i was like
i remember like it was
streaming down my face into my beard i’m
drinking it
and so like
you know that thing
when you’re eating pot and you’re kind of
jolly and you’re
underestimating its
power you’re like yo
fuck it let’s just eat it let’s go nuts
and then like
45 minutes in son
you’re like
oh why did i
do that i was on a chartered boat
and i started
and everyone’s
happy and there’s kids wandering around it’s in hawaii
everything’s beautiful
and i’m like oh
well you’re
gonna be the
first person who goes insane on this boat
the first time anyone just
started raving
and ranting on a boat and there’s kids around i’m
thinking you’re gonna ruin these kids vacations oh
my god i look they were like
you know hawaii is beautiful
and these fucking red cliffs and i
swear to god i looked up
and i thought i saw like you know raiden from
mortal kombat
like i thought
i saw like this like person wearing one of
those cone hats and like kind of
blending oh
my god oh my god you’re seeing hawaiian gods
that’s like some hawaiian guardian
spirit that’s
aware of you and
doesn’t want you to be there
cause you’re a honky
have you ever
taken mushrooms and seen like
aztec imagery
seen like mexican imagery
i’ve taken lsd
and have seen
when i was like
i was sanskrit
but never aztec i’ve i’ve seen i’ve
taken mushrooms and seen like
like mayan language and like you know that style of
you know ancient
mexican culture the mayans and
you know all the their
crazy language
it was like little drawings and little images
i’ve like seen that shit in the sky
sure and when i’m on mushrooms yeah i’ve seen like
you know all this
crazy mayan imagery
now i don’t know if that’s because i had seen it before
and my imagination was running wild
and i was like you
know just creating
images that i’ve already witnessed
and creating them in the sky
that’s very possible
it’s very possible that’s what was going on
it’s also very possible that they made
those images because they got fucked up on mushrooms
and they saw that shit in the sky and they drew it
that seems to be even more likely can i
throw out another possibility sure
whoever out there is smart and listening to this
please correct me but i think it’s
chomsky is a linguist noam chomsky is a linguist and
there’s basically
theories of where language comes from is language
something you
learn or is language something encoded into your brain
because some people think that language is something
that’s already kind of
built into your
brain and it’s like
waiting to flower according to what
culture you get born into and who you’re around
because it’s such an incredibly complex thing to learn
people wonder if like
is the brain a blank slate
when you’re born or there are already
these things sort of in there waiting to come out
so the idea is that when you are hallucinating
these symbols
it wasn’t as
though you were projecting something you’d already seen
and it wasn’t as though the
aztecs were hallucinating or like oh we
should use these symbols to
is our language it’s more
like that’s already deep inside your
brain and when you’re
tripping it kind of comes out and you’re seeing like
an uber language you know or some kind of like
original primal language like
fucking hebrew look at hebrew that’s so psyched
that’s such a psych yes
it is isn’t it yeah
maybe maybe you’re
right i mean i don’t know but
one of the things that i’ve seen many many times
in psychedelic
states like
especially even just eating pot when i
close my eyes
is cartoon like imagery
like cartoon like strange
morphing type of imagery and
what strikes me
about a lot of the mayan shit
is that all
these you know
is it pictographs is that how you
i don’t know
exactly what you’d call it but all
these different images they look very cartoon like
yeah you know the dragons look very
silly and cartoon like
everything is almost like
so these people were living in real danger
but yet they had the
peace of mind and the
creativity to draw the dangerous
things and almost like
lessened your
worry about them
you know it’s a
weird thing that cultures do
with predators i mean we still do it today with like
polar bears
polar bears are some of the most dangerous bears you
could ever come across
but we have them selling
coca cola and klondike bars and being all silly and
sliding on the snow
and they’re fucking vicious
murderers that live
in the coldest part of the
world you know
we do it because we have a
separation from them they’re not a part of our
daily lives they’re not
infiltrating the cities if they were
we would want to
kill them all and we
wouldn’t ever think of them as being a happy thing
but these fucking people were living in the jungle man
they were living in the jungle around jaguars and
snakes and all these
they were doing so much drugs they were drawing
everything in cartoons
right these people were
tripping their fucking balls off
when people say
that the mayans
had this answer and
the mayans had this calendar that can
predict lunar eclipses and
i go you know what so do we
we can predict all that shit too
and we don’t know the fucking future
you’re telling these people would never invented
shoes these
these people
figured out the future they figured out how that the
age is going to end really
you know come on man
more likely
they were stone
age people who did a fuckload
of drugs and came up some really really cool shit what
about the um
cargo cult theory you know that what is that
you know what a
cargo cult is no
so again brilliant person out there correct me
cause like i kind of remember
things and then i fuck them up
in my translation of them but
during one of the wars
maybe it was
world war ii
in the south pacific i
guess they would like parachute
supplies down
right and so the supplies
would come down and they land on
these islands that had primitive people who’d
never seen this shit before
and so what would happen is a cult would emerge
based on trying to figure out how to get
those supplies to fall out of the sky again
so this really great shit that you’ve never seen
basically from an
alien if you’re a south pacific islander
and you’ve been slurping coconuts eating fish
eating bananas
that’s the extent of what you
understand and all of a sudden this giant fucking thing
on a parachute
comes zooming out of the sky filled with
maybe a radio
fabric it’s roswell
it’s like an alien impact and it changes your culture
because it’s like shit you’ve
never seen you have no way to explain it fell
out of the sky so that’s
a cargo cult
is something that emerges around that event
where you try to
reenact whatever you were doing at that time when the
thing fell out of the sky so if you were like
cutting fish or doing so
whatever you know having a certain
celebration or if it happened during cutting fish
whatever seriously that’s what
they do that’s what they do they cut do all day it’s
a big part of they were very
smart i mean that the window
of what they do is you know yeah hunting and gathering
so you look at
those fucking pyramids right and
and you look at them you
think like maybe they were
visited by egyptians
i think no no
i think now
this is not something
you know they do believe that africans came to
earth or came to
north america a long long time ago
the olmecs the
olmecs they don’t
understand much
about the olmecs at all
they know it’s a
civilization that goes back i
think it’s like thousands of years
and they were the oldest
they know advanced
north america and they know nothing
about their language they know nothing
but they have african features
they have these omac
these carved heads these
giant carved heads
from they don’t know
where they drag the fucking
stone from the
stones are gigantic and they’re perfectly carved
like really
detailed african faces big
thick lips african features
no i don’t think it’s there or
visited i mean
i first thought that is i mean look the olmecs
came from africa
most likely
and came to
north america
i mean they
were there they were there they were in mexico let me
throw my theory
out and it’s just a theory
i don’t really believe it but i like
thinking about it
what if ufos
looked like
those pyramids
and fucking ufos landed for a little
while and gave them all
their advanced
technology and gave them all the crazy shit
and then flew off
and so she’s just
going deep into the what if drawer
yeah this is deep
in the what if drawer
this is way
underneath a lot of
other what ifs
but like so
if you think about it
those fucking pyramids
kind of look like they could be
spaceships like whenever i think of
spaceships i think
why wouldn’t it look like a pyramid it
could be a pyramid so maybe
maybe fucking they were
visited by advanced
that looked
like those pyramids but
still the problem with the pyramids is not
that the problem with the pyramids is the incredible
equations that are required
to create something so perfect
there’s 2 million
300 000 stones in the pyramid of
the great giza pyramid
great pyramid of giza
that two think
about how many fucking
stones that is
the last stone they
weighed between
two and 80 tons and some of them the ones from
the king’s chamber were cut from a quarry that was like
500 miles away
i mean it’s amazing man and
they’re perfectly put in place
you ever seen the king’s chamber
where in the
great pyramid it’s insane
they don’t have any idea how they built it
they have no idea how they got these
incredibly large
stones cut so perfectly
and so smooth
and they found
literally they
found bore marks
in the sarcophagus
that is from a diamond bit
drill right
so it’s like shit that we have today
what’s that called i’m
sorry to cut you off
just because it’s another fascinating aspect of the
stuff you’re talking
about which is
shit there’s a name for this kind of archaeology
where people will find cryptos no
crypt it’s like
you’ll find batteries
you know what i mean or you’ll find yeah i
think of cryptozoology but yeah i know
yeah i know what you’re talking
about you’ll find like a
it’s something that there’s no way that it
should exist back then it almost indicates
time traveler well have you ever
well not time
travel but have you ever looked
into graham hancock have you ever read any of his
stuff no i know that
i want to give you fingerprints of the gods before you
leave it’s one of my favorite books
and this guy graham hancock is an archaeologist and
he traveled all over the
world looking in all
these ancient
civilizations and ancient
structures and
studied all the
different cataclysmic event
stories that
every single
religion seems to have that are in the area
of gilgamesh
in the bible
and what he believes is that
somewhere around
10 000 years ago there was some event on
earth and there was a
super advanced
civilization that
existed before that
and we have been around a lot longer than we think
and that what the pyramids are
literally is people rediscovering some shit
that a super
super advanced
that had been reset
many thousands of years ago
what we see like when you see like the
great pyramid and
the sphinx and all
these things that they can’t explain the fink’s
enclosure what we see is
the proof that there was some sort of a
super advanced
many many many thousands of years before
where the archeologists currently date
to be the time they
built the pyramids
there’s a guy
named john anthony west that has
dedicated his entire life
to trying to let people
look at egypt in a different way
and he believes that the egyptian
the drawings the
depictions of pharaohs they go back over 34 000 years
but for whatever reason conventional
are unwilling to look at that kind of evidence
they don’t want
to look at anything that makes it seem like
everything is all fucked up and there was
some sort of an event that hasn’t been documented and
the people that we
think of as egyptians
maybe never even
built this in the
first place they
might have been like the people that
moved into all this shit and
like this conversation we’re having
about the pyramid
the egyptians were having it too
sure what the fuck is that
right right
where the shit come from
exactly people been saying that for a
while exactly
exactly we found it like
second hand they
found it first and
well this guy graham hancock has
traveled all over the
world taking all
this footage of
these incredible
structures that
people have made that map out the cosmos that
match constellations and
all these different societies
yeah like machu you know machu picchu
that fucking thing
they don’t even know how anybody got anything up there
these guys got these
giant fucking
stones up there
where there’s no air
and they built
these incredible structures
many many many thousands of years ago
they have no idea when and they
think that it
might have even been at a time where
water was up there
it’s fucking nutty man
when you really find out how much
of these ancient
structures and
ancient civilizations how much evidence there is for it
but when they
start bringing this
stuff up to conventional archeologists
they always say well
where’s the evidence for these
cultures like that’s what they said
about john anthony west when they brought up the
water erosion marks on the
sphinx are you familiar with all that
the water erosion on the
sphinx is due to thousands of years of rainfall
the problem with that is the last
time there was rainfall in the nile valley it was like
7 000 bc yeah
so that puts it like way way
way out dates it way past what we
think of as
egyptian civilization
egyptian civilization we
think of around like 2
000 3 000 bc
they’re talking like 7 000
4 000 years
earlier than that
you know what i mean
i mean this is a pretty incredible shit so
these guys have discovered all
these different
things that
point to the fact that it’s much more likely
that there was a far
older civilization that disappeared
and so the archeologists are all like
where’s the evidence for the
it’s fucking
right there
what else is
going to be left
what else is
gonna be left
after 10 000 years man
you’re gonna get some
stone that’s it
a car would dissolve into the
earth a building
would fall apart and crumble
everything has to be made out of stone
that’s the only shit that’s
going to survive have you seen
the and you know
about wanting to rub you but
you know when they
first found
these sphinx in
the forget which fucking pharaoh they attributed to
the guy who
supposedly they think
built the sphinx
but it’s in
the hieroglyphs it
literally says that
he was told in a dream
that if he uncovered the sphinx
he would go on to rule
egypt he had to uncover it you know why
because it was
covered in fucking sand
they had to actively dig it out of the sand
it was up to its head in sand
not only that the head has been altered
like they know that the head used to be far larger
and was much more likely the head of a lion
and then some fair i was like
i don’t like that lion i’m on my face up there bitch
and so that’s when they put his face up there
and more likely it was one of the african
pharaohs because he has a face of a nubian
the nubians conquered egypt
in the end of the
egyptian empire when
everything fell to shit yeah
the nubians conquered and
their pharaohs were much more african looking
yeah there’s a
it’s the point is
where we’re both saying is
there’s older than
the way older
this graham hancock guy’s a fucking genius man
and his his books are brilliant on this shit and he has
his wife’s a
photographer so he has
these incredible
of all these different
things from all over the
world and it will
absolutely convince you that
at least this
should be considered as an option and it’s not
right now right now everybody wants to
think that everything they’ve been
taught in school
and everything they’re
teaching their students
right now is the information
and it’s very difficult to get them to re look at shit
these motherfuckers that won’t look at the
sphinx i mean
there’s water erosion
every single geologist who looks at that says
this is water
erosion from thousands of years of rainfall
and then they have all
these other
guys that are like no can’t be it’s impossible that’s
never been a problem
for me imagining that we’re a
super right
but for them they’ve been
teaching this shit
they’ve been
teaching tutmosis
iii did this at this time and he
built this pyramid and
they don’t know though
that the fucking
they really don’t know
it’s guesswork there’s a shitload of
guesswork yeah that’s always really
amazing to me when
archaeologists get very specific
about something that was
a really long time ago and then he said to his troops
how the fuck do you know what he
said i can barely remember what i
ate yesterday after
lunch exactly
how are you fucking
how are you
diagnosing this shit it’s impossible i talk
about this when i talk
about on stage when i talk
about how little we know
about human beings if i’m in a club
that it has like
two hundred people in it
i’ll say you know there’s two hundred of us right here
what we represent if we
lived our entire lives birth to
death and we
added them all together
we represent
twenty thousand years
just us right just the lives
of 200 people if you add them all together birth to
death that’s 20
fucking thousand years yeah
that’s way more than we know
about human history way way way more
according to like conventional
teaching or conventional thought
like 20 000 years ago we were
basically cavemen
right i mean
we wore animal skins and shit like
when they find
those frozen dudes
how old are
those dudes i have no idea it’s like
30 000 years ago
they’re like wearing skins and shit and throwing
spears with
rock tips like that’s as good as it got back then
20 000 years just 200 people’s lives
that’s incredible man well
do you buy into the
stuff that we came from mars
no no i don’t buy into
any of the mars imagery
i see all that richard hoglen documentary
i see all these guys
talking about it and you know what i see
i see a bunch of guys who are trying to find a
bunch of shit that’s not necessarily there
you’re making
connections with this rock to that rock and you’re
using this fucking
really fuzzy geometry
to describe the regions
there’s some interesting
structures there
there’s some interesting
structures that may
or may not have at one
point in time been a building
but it’s up for debate
what’s up for debate
it started off as the
lightning bolt hitting the plasma
it is storks
look it’s very possible of course it was a storks
brian we’re talking about
before the storks
it’s very possible that life
existed on mars
it’s very possible it’s very possible that if you think
about the fact that life
has existed on earth
for billions of years right
okay and we know that at one
point in time you know there was lizards running shit
and it was a tropical jungle and there was dinosaurs
everywhere and we didn’t evolve
until all those were
wiped off the face of the planet
right according to
eddie griffin
they were not
wiped off the planet they went
underground and learned to
shape shift please tell me he didn’t say that on
stage he didn’t say it on
stage he told it to me buying the comedy
store has he ever told you that how bruce lee died
story no bruce lee fought a thousand niggas
this crazy thing
like he was
standing there and he took
about nine hundred of them out
until one finally got the death touch on his ass
fucking death he
will he will he will tell a fucking tail
eddie griffin would be the perfect guy to hang out with
drunk in a pool hall
yeah like a friday night and he’s talking shit
that’s his best kind of humor man this
crazy story is fucking hilarious anything he says
he’s so funny
but what was funny very talented
guy man he told me that was the
first time i’d heard the reptilian theory
when he told it to me he said it
he was so filled with passion and the
truth of it that it was like an eerie moment
oh he’s so crazy it was really
hypnot he hypnotized crowds man
i saw him he’s very charismatic even though he’s
crazy i saw him do like two and a half
hours at the comedy store once
and at the end of his show
the crowd got up and
surged towards him
are you serious and they all were trying to
touch him like they were like he had
hypnotized the entire are you
serious yes
especially if you get really dumb dumb people in there
woo he’ll get em
you know it was amazing
you know he said
once he said
what a lot of people don’t know is that the twin towers
below them was fort knox
where all the gold was kept
and the trains kept running 24 hours a day yeah
like what what are you talking
about that there’s gold underneath
there’s gold underneath the twin
towers and the trains hey
what do i know does he still play the
story lot i
would go see
him i don’t i don’t know i saw i saw him at the
store once but i don’t he’s a
friendly guy to man i’m always always
happy to see that guy he’s really cool
he’s a very talented guy man
he’s always been really
crazy and everything but he’s very talented
he had a funny fucking joke
about the dude who invented telephone
he goes alexander
graham bill had to be on coke
who the fuck gets so hot he like
i want to talk to somebody who isn’t even here
that’s a great
joke man that’s one of my favorite all time jokes
especially in that voice yeah
that’s one of
those jokes
where you go damn i wish i thought that
one yeah shit
god damn isn’t
it kind of like there’s two kinds of jokes
there’s jokes
where like man that joke sucks
and then there’s jokes that are like man why didn’t i
think of that
there’s no in between
well you know what really always like humbles me
when i see a
dude who can make jokes out of shit that i probably
would have dropped
you know who impresses
me with that
pat naswalt
patton will go on this killer five
minute bit about
a fucking bottle of
water you know i’m saying he’ll like
any premise
he’ll find it and
squeeze the
funny out of it
and i always go damn that dude is like
he knows how to like really write like
even for like obscure shit that you
wouldn’t think
would be funny
and he does the old
trick where he makes it seem like the easiest fucking
thing on the planet yeah
makes it seem
like it’s just not comfortable just comfortable
easy it just
happens that brilliant jokes are always there’s a few
people like that yeah
awesome to watch man it is don’t you
still like watching
stand up yeah
still the most fun
right if you ever get
you know if you ever get
stuck or get
stand up block and
all you got to do is
watch the great
comics and it’ll
give you inspiration to work on more jokes
yeah yeah man i’m do you
still have a puppet duncan do you
still do the little hobo i don’t do it anymore he got
stolen did you hear
about this joe
someone stole little hobo
hobo got stolen in san jose
what who stole him
if i knew that then
somebody stolen from like if i knew that i’d be in jail
duncan used to have this
like little puppet that used to bring on
stage that was like satanic
and it was very funny
funniest bit
he used to do this thing where the puppet
that killed his grandfather
the puppet was
channeling satan
the demon it was
great it was
great man so did you leave lil hobo in the lobby
and then somebody stole it or
what happened well it’s an interesting story
the weird thing is i’d been up in nevada city at
a little film comedy festival you’re saying you
loved it up there
nevada city’s amazing
where is it exactly it’s north of sacramento
and i’m not really sure about how the pot
and distribution
works but i know that nevada city plays
a pretty important role in that
it’s like there it’s like a big it’s like a big part of
their economy and
how do i know this
i’ll tell you i was buying a burrito from a hippie
and he was commenting on how he likes the festival
because it’s almost the business picks up to almost the
level is when the cutters are in town
and it was like whoa holy shit you guys have a
cycle based on
harvesting the crops and stuff
and nevada city is also
the yuba river runs through nevada i wouldn’t
wanna live there though man
there’s too many
creeps i would i
would say especially
right now with the climate it’s not like it’s a
legitimate marijuana factory that’s you know
everybody gets dental insurance
and shit and they all work there the communities
happy that’s not what’s
going on it’s
most these guys are selling illegal shit
well here’s the
thing this is this was the really fascinating
thing that that someone there said to me they said
they don’t want
in november they don’t want pot to get legal
because it’s
gonna crash
their economy yeah that’s so
crazy that’s
crazy cuz that’s saying
you know i’m more important than
the cause yeah let’s just put
people i can’t adjust
i can’t adjust no it’s saying i’m okay with
people going to jail
every year so that
i can buy more hummus that’s
so douchey that is douchey that’s the most fucked up
thing and i didn’t
think of it till i walked off i
would have said something but yeah it was really yeah
i’ve heard the argument
i’ve heard the argument
from a few people but there’s some people that are just
and they just want to argue
about anything no matter what you
bring up if they didn’t
think of it
first they’ll come up with the opposing
point of view oh i hate
those people
so annoying
those are those are conversation
vampires yeah there’s a
bunch of people that
every conversation they have is just
some sort of an act
where they want you to walk away impressed
you know i mean
there’s a lot of people like that
oh yeah you know they’re not listening to a goddamn
thing you’re saying
they just wanna art
to a lot of douchebags like that you get
angry at that it’s a very
annoying man because it’s not
a real conversation you just want to throttle up yeah
it’s like we’re only having this conversation
because you’re insecure and fucked up there’s a lot of
comics that are like that a lot of comics a
lot of comics
no matter what no not most of them
but there’s
quite a few there’s
quite a few that are looking for arguments
yeah oh god the ear beaters
where they just get in and just start
you gave me that word i use that word so fucking much
that’s joe diaz
just joe diaz such a
funny word joe diaz
getting an ear beating over here you
he would say that joe diaz has the best fucking lines
about everything no matter what it is
well he’s the best man you
gonna walk on ice you might as well
dance you know what i’m saying
you know how you could become a fucking billionaire
if you could make a joe diaz application
where you could have joe diaz in your phone
no you know how to be a billionaire is if joe diaz
let me do him in a cartoon
we draw a joey diaz cartoon
about this jelly guy goes around
smacking people and talking sensitive
kids great idea
i want a joey diaz
soundboard though i want one that just goes oh no oh
point wait a minute that
would really be a good show a joey diaz show
where he gives like real logic to high school kids
where joey diaz
like high school kids will come to him for lessons
about life and joey diaz will break down
let me tell you about the first time i ate ass listen
get over it you’re gonna eat ass no he’s
got four jacket cokes you’re in there cocksucker
part of it sounds
so lost soyudi
it’s part of his parole
it’s part of his community service
okay so we do with college college kids right yeah
never sign some papers
i was thinking 18 but you’re
right high school isn’t really 18 college is 18 or
like he comes to their orientation and gives a speech
about college
wear a rubber cocksucker trust me
can’t even take care of yourself cocksucker you’re
gonna raise a baby
stupid we can film him
say a little house in the prairie
we can film them
we can film them separately
like film just
joey diaz like
screaming at nothing
and then have like a
scary clown and then put you know
with a little girl and just have the girl crying the
whole time as the
scary clown and just put the two together you know
take out the
clown and it’s the
thing about people like
joey diaz is almost
any situation you put them in it’s always gonna be
funny yes there’s always gonna be a
swirl of comedy
that video used to do
you fuel tv do you
still do stupid face
no there was one with joey diaz had
he edited joydes on top of a
what was it like he was like a little
micro fisherman
or something like
that oh yeah yeah yeah
galaxy cap galaxy cap yeah adam is
a he was a villain that lived in
it’s a long
yeah he lived in someone’s head or something he
lived in someone’s neck on a little boat
and he was called the fisherman
that’s the best one you can find it on youtube
or on your website
it’s the best thing
that you’ve ever done
in my opinion i mean you’ve done a lot of
great stuff but
one of my favorites cause i did not know it was you
until i started
watching it
was drunk history
when you talked
about nikola tesla yeah
first of all i loved it because
you and i are both huge
tesla fans and we’ve talked so many times
about how fascinating that guy was
with the fact that you did that video where you got
super duper fucking drunk
or just going off about
it what did you say about
can we play that because it’s
great you played
drunk history because
it’s really fucking brilliant it’s episode two right
the most recent one and if you go online if you want to
watch it online look for
drunk history what on youtube
drunk history
drunk history
tesla just look
under duncan
trussell to
d u n c a n
trussell is
t r u s s e l l and it’s fucking hilarious so we’re
gonna play the
audio of it
but you should
watch the video of it too because
john c reilly’s in it and he plays
tesla chris
and glover yeah
no yeah john
t reilly plays
tesla and chris v and
glover plays
edison it’s fucking brilliant
awesome how cool was it to have
shit you did
and have fucking john
c reilly doing your words well it was like
cause i was looking
i was like wow that’s what i’d look like if i could act
you can act dude i
know acting is just
about getting comfortable you
are very good at committing to
weird shit yeah
you remember that one time that we did this
weird backstage
thing where
brian was filming it we were pretending like we were
gonna film a documentary i
do remember that
yeah that was fun man but i’ll tell you this acting
it’s not is this it
right here yeah
here’s drunk history with duncan truffle
and how drunk were you when you did this blacked out
blacked out drunk what did you drink
absinthe in
a six pack of beer
oh my god how much absent half a bottle of oh my god
yeah that stuff gets you so weird i
could have died
really nikola
tesla oh my god
nikola tesla
was the father
of western technology oh my
everything we know is like
modern electricity tesla
invented that
he also invented wireless
technology he invented the radio
supposedly one day he was taking a walk in a park
and he suddenly experienced this tremendous flash
and he saw in
his mind the perfect blueprint of an engine
that would create something called
alternating current
and that was in his like
i have to go the united
states to meet edison
i’ll meet edison
so tesla sailed across the ocean
found edison
who at the time was like the king of electricity
edison it was like oh all right
well i guess you
you can work for me
and his job was
like his job was digging like ditches for edison
and from this guy westinghouse gave him money
to start working on his idea of alternating current
so edison didn’t like the idea of
alternating current because he owned all the patents on
direct current
alternating current was the
only too drunk
i can’t do it yes you can look at you dude
i’m gonna start puking
did you get all the details
right even though you’re so hammered i
think tesla
won the contract to supply all the electricity to the
world’s fair
and this pissed edison off he was like fuck this
alternating current is bad
alternating current will only cause massive deaths
and so he started this campaign to prove
that alternating current was like the
worst current he could use what he did is he
began to like publicly
electrocute animals
edison was an asshole he was like
taking like
sheep and being like look what happens when the
sheep touches the
alternating current
oh it blow it
gets electrocuted
look what happens when a cow
comes in contact with the alternating current it dies
tesla was horrified
and you’d be like this is
awful i am inventing electricity
and you look like an asshole
you look like a fucking idiot
i’m gonna throw up
i can’t do it good good night thank you everyone
tesla i discovered
the energy to run the world’s failure
and at that moment tesla
became an international figure
worshipped by everyone
so tesla had like a laboratory like
mark twain and like everybody who is
famous in the world come to the laboratory
do it like do things like make electricity
shoot around his body
people will be watching like look at him he’s on fire
mark twain will be there crying
the new idea was that
i don’t think you necessarily need
to have like power plants for there to be electricity
i think that you can take electricity from the air
this was directly opposed to
all of capitalist society
so he was basically ostracized from society
how did this come out of my body
they’re pieces there’s pineapple pieces
like i know i chewed it
he went crazy
you know but his
greatest pleasure
as he was getting old was feeding pigeons
and he fell in love with a specific pigeon
what’s going on brian internet just stopped
did it yeah it’s not loading up the whole video
oh okay well they can watch yeah you know
all right just go on youtube anyway yeah
well i think that was pretty much the gist of it but
did you have to
study for that
yeah i read a book on
tesla and i watched a documentary on tesla
so i had all my facts straight but you knew the whole
story beforehand because we’ve talked about
it many times
we both i didn’t know the extent of it
until because i knew enough
about it to know it would be a cool drunk history
and i’m friends with a guy who does that
derek waters and i was like you
gotta let me do tesla you know
tesla was another
one who believed he was in communication with the
with the aliens yeah
but see this is a
he believed he was receiving signals
right here’s an interesting point
that i think we
should talk about
cause you know you can use the term
aliens or whatever but
where do your jokes come from
yeah sure the ether
i’ve always said
that at my most creative i’m merely a passenger i’m
watching it all come out and i just
keep my own bullshit
from getting in the way of myself
from getting in the way of the idea like last
night like i was
in the middle of the writing and this is you know
you know when i’m
especially like late at
night i always find like
reasons to get distracted sometimes when i’m writing
so i’m in the middle of writing
and while i’m
thinking about something i
think wow look at all this
crazy shit i wrote
where is this all coming from
like all of a
sudden it’s me you know
thinking like in like this list ego way
like look at all the work you’ve done look at all this
and then the idea whatever i had
whoop slipped out of my head my head
it was just like hey
stupid you know it’s not
about you dummy it’s not about you
like getting any accolades are
you patting yourself on the back for fucking sitting in
front of a computer
punching keyboard
for five minutes
or five hours it
would it what it’s about is
what comes out that’s what it’s
about it’s about the
final result the
final product
and when that’s what you’re
thinking about
it’s really not even you
it’s like it’s just coming out of the air
yeah in fact
yeah the less
you that’s involved the better it’s better to
and that’s the hardest
thing because it’s like
trying to catch
those thoughts are trying to put yourself in the
right position
where those thought
where you’re
catching them and the
static’s gone
it’s fucking hard man in
fact is you
can’t force it and that’s the zen thing
if you try to catch it
it runs away from you
and if you don’t try to catch it
that’s when the thoughts
start popping into your head and usually
it’s like happening at times when you’re
not expecting it
you can’t you
can’t make it happen do you ever read the war of art
uh yeah as a
matter of fact yes yes i have yeah i love that
book i give it to people do you have a copy of it i do
thank you yeah
i give it to people they don’t have it
cause it’s such
a fucking amazing book when it comes to writing
but that dude stephen
pressfield he talks
a lot very openly
about the idea of a muse
you know that
like he shows up and does his work and the mew
shows up and
gives him the ideas i mean that’s like this ancient
idea and ancient thought but
it really does feel
like it’s something else besides you well you know the
we were talking
about this earlier
so john lily
the father of the flotation tank
um he sort of
breaking he openly says he had contact with
extra dimensional beings he used to
shoot ketamine and
climb into the tank yeah
he used to jab himself in the leg intramuscularly
with ketamine
a fucking cat tranquilizer
is that what it’s for cats
what does this
mean i thought
horses it’s for cats
i thought it was
horses i always
heard it was cats and he would
fucking go for a trip
they say ketamine is supposed to be one of the
weirdest psychedelic
mckenna had a very interesting way of describing it
he said ketamine is fairly recent as far as
like fairly new as far as like
human use and
mushrooms are around for
thousands and thousands of years document to human use
he said when you take a mushroom trip one of the
things that you’re taking in the trip is the idea that
you are embedding yourself and all the
other trips that happened
with all the
other mushrooms before
you engage in one big
joyous you know
interconnected experience
and that’s one of the reasons why mushrooms you
know it’s like it’s such this
powerful incredible
experience like
you’re having the
experience of everyone who’s ever had mushrooms
right whereas with ketamine he said ketamine is like
like an empty
office building
i must have not did
enough cause
that’s not what it was for me when i
had dream yeah
you’re talking
about special k
right yeah you have to
shoot it oh well
you can snort
it but if you want to
see the aliens
see the aliens
to me it was the
exact opposite it wasn’t like
loosen it it was just like oh i can’t walk up
these stairs
you know you can
watch youtube
videos of people on it
ketamine and
he’s a bad good
yeah ketamine is not one that i would
be really down with i
wouldn’t really be down with trying anything i have to
shoot in my fucking leg with a
horse needle
yeah duncan
trussell’s gonna go for a piss
this is the
duncan weak
bladder trussell
i’ll be right back right after it urinates
lucky it’s in the same room
we don’t have to miss him for long
yes i’ve never tried ketamine man i’ve
never tried anything that you can get addicted to and i
heard you can get addicted to ketamine
except alcohol
obviously caffeine
caffeine yeah
but vitamins
are healthy so you know you’re pretty addicted to them
i do know that
if i don’t take them i don’t feel as good
alright that’s that’s
definitely so you’re
addicted to him
you’re addicted
to it makes you healthy maybe
are you addicted to sleep
shut the fuck up
don’t look at that over sleeping
definitely yeah
so what have you done if you’ve done ketamine
you snorted it
yeah how much
did you do do you know
i don’t remember
quite a lot
a couple lines
along with the lines
like an instrument
line you don’t even know
how much you’re doing finger size just taking a shot
like a cd size
you know how
crazy are people in drugs they just go snorting
something they’re not measuring it i don’t know the do
stupid young kid
the only reason
i did it because i was on acid and i wasn’t
thinking right
oh you kidding
while you’re already on
no you kidding
okay so you’ve done that and what other like
harsh stuff you tried crack right nah
you didn’t i know this guy looks like me allegedly
might have done
it this guy that looks
like you that allegedly might have smoked crack
right what did he say about it
it’s just like doing cocaine
kind of it makes you feel kind of
i don’t know
it has such a gross
smell that to me it was just kind of like i’ve focused
focused my all my shit on that
smell and just like being like
gross like really
gross feeling dmt has a funky
smell to dmt sounds like it
smells like something you should not be smoking
right but then the aliens come
right and take you away
yeah i think the coolest shit was definitely ecstasy
and that was
candy flipping where you do acid and
ecstasy that’s
dangerous man when you fucking mind drugs
like that you don’t know the
exact results of the
the two of them together
that can be
funky man some
weird shit can happen
yeah mckenna told a
story about doing
i think he did
i’m sorry a lot of whippets
have you done whippets
joe have you done
whippets before
yes i did whippets when i worked at newport
creamery but i
did you really i
found them to be quite weak
i didn’t like
it did you have like silver around your lips and they
found you in the freezer
no we worked at a
creamery and they had
those big whipped
cream things
get high off
those yeah used
to buy and buy the case get the
crackers with the balloons
you know and just sit there i only did it once
i did it once it gave me like a head rush
i didn’t like
it i love it
duncan you love it don’t you how do you not like
whippets i know you
gotta love whippets hippie
crack man didn’t i was unicorn
gas brother
didn’t like it
unicorn gas
unicorn gas they superheat unicorns turn into nitrous
oxide i remember
there was a way to do a whip it
where you attached it
to a bong somehow so the whip it was taking a bong hit
i think it’s like you pull it you
put it in and
then you put it on the end what i was saying
about combining
drugs before i forgot was that mckenna told the
story once of taking he took
ayahuasca and he took mushrooms at the same time
i think he took
or he took an
m a o inhibitor in mushrooms it might have been that
it might have been that he took an m a
o inhibitor like he took harmony
and he took mushrooms at the same time
and he said it just
fucked him up to the
point where he was
watching his memory dissolve inside of his
brain and getting
chewed up like in the gears of a machine
like irreplaceably he knew he
would never get
these thoughts and ideas back
that just took him like the longest time to feel safe
that he was really at one
point in time of trip convinced that this is it
you are never
coming back from this like you’ve gone so deep you’re
never coming home that you know what that reminds me of
this is fascinating because i thought of this recently
so the inventor of lsd
albert hoffman
he was the first person to take lsd
took it in the
laboratory and when he took it
you know they call it bicycle day
right you know the whole
story did you call it bicycle day yeah no
the day lsd was invented oh
really bicycle day because
he took and he went for riding his bike and
he looked down as flying over the mountains and that
started the 60s well it was the 40s so it was a little
while but so anyway he
when he took that lsd
he took a huge dose
and he did not know that it would stop
like if you’ve ever taken lsd
and you’re having like
maybe not the best trip
there’s always a friend nearby to be like don’t
worry you’ll be
fine a couple
hours relax
hoffman he didn’t have that
he couldn’t put on any pink floyd
there was no tie dyes to stare at
there was just him in bed
with his wife giving him milk
they were giving
him milk and he said he was being attacked by
demons in his bed
the first person that ever did anything
psychedelic like that or a first
experience like that when there’s no information the
worst must have been so terrifying the
worst trip every time
cause someone will find a new one
cause this is the
thing i was thinking
you know the amazing
story of how
dmt or iowasca comes from like you’ve told me this a
zillion different herbs in the
jungle and how the fuck did someone figure that out no
no this is what i think
you know most of the planet is ocean
so there’s gotta be
plants under the
ocean there’s
gotta be some kind of
crazy mix of shit that someone’s gonna find
and take and there’s
gonna be a new
psychedelic drug i’m not saying it’s
gonna come from the sea but
there’s gonna be a new
there’s gonna be a new drug that comes out
eventually that has the same impact that ls snorting
you really think so
i hope so give
her snort stimulus
well the thing is
everything that comes up they throw the
water on it
everything you know
salvia there’s no reason
to make salvia illegal no one’s died of salvia ever
but they’re
pulling it off the
shelf i have a reason to make salvia
illegal why yeah
because the retarded
internet videos it produces
brian did one
there’s just two men
i’m not yours your yourself your
videos are great
i’m talking
about all the
other ones i just can’t stand
watching someone turn themselves into someone with
ms it’s the
worst it’s not
exciting it’s like
watching britney
spears videos
like tmz you
still like car accident
wanna watch
this yeah well
sort of but
for someone okay let’s just say this is we are you know
men who have
lived longer than
others and we have
experienced more than others
but if you’re
living in fucking indiana and you’re 17 years old and
your friend just did salvia and you’re
gonna watch a
video and he told you it
changed his fucking life and he’s re examining the way
he looks at the world
and you watch that
video i mean that can
be kind of a trip
so we’re looking at it like saying all these
morons are doing this but
you know from your
point of view they’re morons
let me just say i don’t
think a lot of them are
morons let’s be real okay they’re
morons but here’s the
thing though
i was a moron
at god thank
god there was no youtube when i was doing drugs for the
first time you know but
fuck yeah but here’s the thing
the problem with when i see
those videos
inevitably here’s what you’ll see in the
background outside of viewers
what you’ll see in the
background is
a baby crib or
you’ll hear
they’re listening
the xbox is on full
blast or like
the opposite
things that you would
wanna have in the
background as you’re
trying to access a
state are happening
cause these kids
they don’t know how to take the
you gotta heat the oils
i just hate because there’s
such shaman
you know it’s really a fucking a
travesty that
we don’t have people that have experienced
these things
that are like
like reputable
you know they’d be some
sleazy shaman that are just trying to get
their dicks off
yeah some creepy dudes
which there are
while right now
which there are now there’s a lot of
those dudes out there now in the
community that are like kind of like fucking
fake wise men
there’s a lot of fake
wise members
yeah there’s a lot
of people that are trying but you know half of them is
fake you know how
about the old
when someone’s telling you
about some deep
heavy thing and then it’s like
cigarette so many of them
so fucking many of them
i swear to god dude i was in
front of the improv
and a guy started telling me
about how dangerous chemtrails were
and then lit a
fucking cigarette
it’s like dude
you’re sucking
poisonous gas intentionally into your
mouth why are you worried
what the fuck are you
worried about
chemtrails for
you’re doing this 10 times
worse you’re making chemtrails
could you imagine if
babies could
smoke cigarettes
if babies had
cigarette smoke pumped in their
lungs the way this guy i
think they should have well
if chemtrails are bad if chemtrails
are really that bad is really that bad for you
what he’s doing i mean
it’s not as bad
cigarettes are not as bad
no i pointed it out it’s fucking way worse
he felt bad
about it you know
babies are doing fine getting
blasted by chemtrails
what i’m saying is if you gave baby
cigarettes they’d be fucked
oh yeah right
right yeah you don’t seem a lot of fucking
you yeah you don’t see like
angry babies you do though if you watch them
videos from thailand
yeah two year old from thailand smoking cigarette
thing ever i’m sorry
a kid smoking is cute
it’s very strange
they don’t give a fuck over there it is cute
it’s adorable
i don’t know why but there’s something adorable
kid gets mad when he
doesn’t get a cigarettes
oh yeah those temper tan
freaks yeah when you’re two or three or whatever he is
you got no self control
nicotine fits my both you guys have kicked
cigarettes brian you’re back on cigarettes right yeah
i was first
back you quit for good
okay so i’ve never done the cigarettes
tell me what is the pull why is it so difficult to quit
what is it well it’s
one of the most addictive substances on the planet
according to scientists
it’s fucking horrible
here’s the thing here’s the
thing so you’re
hooked on here that’s what they say that’s this
thing they always say
let’s say you’re an ex heroin addict
and you’re in the program you’re
going to na and you’re working on your life
heroin’s legal
right so every time you go out in public
and walk to go get your groceries
there’s a chance that when you go into the grocery
store there’s a guy with a belt around his arm
shooting up before he goes to get milk
going deep so just
everywhere you go yeah
you’re getting
triggered with you
with cigarettes
it’s like with
cigarettes you’re
hooked on the most addictive substance
but everywhere you go there’s
going to be a couple of people smoking
triggering that addiction
and forcing you back into the cycle and
the reaction is you’re not
going to die for having that one
cigarette you’re
going to actually feel relaxed
and exactly what you
want you know you’re not
going to be like
i had a cigarette and i had a
heart attack and died you know
it’s incredible it’s incredible how widespread it is
it’s mostly
for stress you know it’s mostly for relaxation
it’s just like any drug but very mild compared to
every other drug i was very
lucky that i had friends
when i was in high
school that had
already started smoking
cigarettes that already were hooked
i was like this is incredible they’re
seventeen years old and hooked on
cigarettes this is just fucking insane
and so i made sure that i
never did it i
tried i think i
tried it once i
tried a cigarette at a
party when i was like fifteen
i didn’t like it was discussed but here’s the but my
point is like if you see somebody smoking
cigarettes man
the smoking
cigarettes is
gross you ever see someone that that’s heroin guy
you ever know anybody that’s got
heroin problems i’ve
never known
well i guess i’ve
known a heroin
junkie here and there but i’ve
never been close with them
have you ever been around someone
right after they did it
no there’s this guy
named buffalo bill when i used to play pool in
white plains at
executive billiards in
white plains new york
there was a lot of action there a lot of gambling that
place used to
stay up till like four or five o’clock in the
morning the guy who owned it his name was guy hamilton
his cool motherfucker his actual name was guy azaridi
but he was a professional
piano player and he thought azaridi
sounded too guinea
so i went with guy hamilton
i think it sounds more professional
anyway they used to have
these tremendous
pool matches that
would go on dudes
would bet thousands and thousands of dollars and people
would bet in the
stands i mean it was
some of the most fun times of my life
watching people gamble
and there was this one
guy he used to come into play there was a dude named
george the greek
there was this
local house guy that had a ton of
money and he’d like to bet high he
would always fuck come on you cocksucker
you got no hot
you bet 5 000
and he always wanted to bet guys and so guys
would come in from out of
state to play
him and this dude buffalo bill
otherwise known as
water dog that was his
other nickname
and he was a heroin
junkie and what
would happen was he
would shoot heroin
and then he
would come out of the bathroom and sit in a seat
like this for a half an hour
i mean like this like a star
like his paws limp
like the double gay limp thing
and just sit there and his head
would like half
and then he
would get up
after like 25 minutes of that
he would get up and
start fucking
firing balls into the hole
with no fear really he
could not miss
he could not miss he was
one of the best players i’ve ever seen play and he was
blasted out of his fucking mind on heroin wow
i watched him run
100 balls he was playing straight pool
i don’t remember the number but it was always
several thousands of dollars
he was playing a game of straight pool
the dude ran
100 balls and out on a
table with these
tiny ass pockets
the pockets were not even four inches it was like
three and three
quarter inches
standard is
five inches the pros play on four and a half
these are like
three and three
quarter they were tiny ass
if you didn’t hit the ball perfect
it would jar in the pocket and
drive you fucking
crazy this dude
would fire them through
the fucking meat of the pocket like the pocket was a
swimming pool
and he was rolling
a golf ball into it he was a fucking master
and there’s dead
babies walking
around on heroin
black dead rattlesnake eyes
he might as well have been a fucking shark
his eyes were dead he was just heroin
to the gills
to the gills you’d look at him you saw no one in there
you saw no one in there
but he knew the rules of straight pool
and he would
fucking set up that
break shot and
smash that rock and be perfect on every ball
it was infuriating
and georgia
greek would get
crazy because he knew the guy was on the island
he goes he’s on the fucking shit
i wanna win this
money i gotta get this cock suck off the shit
i’m starting
up playing these fucking junkies anymore and he get
crazy and he
starts yelling he’s smoking
cigarettes i’m
gonna fucking
these fucking junkies
these fuck you didn’t hear a
word that guy was saying just firing balls on the whole
didn’t even look up
george is like you
literally yelling and
screaming because he’s
about to lose his
money and the guy didn’t miss a ball just
didn’t even pay attention
it’s just something that you know like with heroin
you know obviously it seems to
engender some kind of creative state
for music it certainly
works but i
never thought there was like
eye hand coordination associated with it
you know what it is no his eye and
coordination is already he’s been playing pool for his
whole life this guy is a i mean
water dog was
this guy that had played all over the fucking
world i mean
he was a killer
he was one of
those dudes
would come into a pool hall
you know there’s a lot of pool halls all across america
where people are begging
for some guy to come in and challenge the
local player
cause they think fucking
danny’s playing good
he’s got some
money we’re
gonna mince
money if any fucking road guys
think they’re
gonna take the
money off danny
well he’s one of
those guys that
would slip into
these towns
where they would
still do to this day pool halls
a real action pool hall
those are fun fucking
places if you like pool
and the fun
part is when someone comes in and wants a gamble
so this guy
would come in all
dirty hair looking big fucking bald head
big stupid fat face
didn’t look healthy at all looked all fucked up and
you guys want to play
does anybody want to play
and people would look at him
going this guy had a fucking hustler he can’t even walk
he had this terrible limp
because he was in a bad car accident
always heroin
down always heroin
down and he
would just get in and just
fire on people
just when he was
if he had his mixture
right i’d seen
him fucked up before when he didn’t have his heroin
there was one time
where he wanted me to
sponsor him this is all back in
california when i
first moved here
i ran into him at hard times
billiards and he wanted me to put him in the tournament
yeah i’ll put you in the tournament
goes i gotta get my shit to be
right i go you
gotta get your shit okay
we’ll go get your shit he goes i need a ride i go where
compton get the fuck out of here
like i’m not driving a compton
i’m on a sitcom dude
i’m not trying to
driving a compton so you can cop heroin
so you can play pool petter
so he didn’t
get his heroin that day and he played like shit
he would have to get his heroin
perfect get his mixture right
he’s a very talented player though man he just
unfortunately got
under the grips of that shit but when he was on it man
he didn’t care how’s he
doing now he’s dead
that’s the thing
about heroin dudes they don’t
really last that long no that’s not a healthy drug
you know it’s not one that you know
but when they’re on it man they can yeah
it’s not one that
you come out
great i mean
it’s always the question
would jimi hendrix would have
he been jimi hendrix if it wasn’t for acid
if it wasn’t
for mushrooms
for you probably a lot better
can you imagine
if he was off it he was just like
jimi hitriks times 20
no way could
you imagine by the way
here’s the thing man i’ve got a friend who
argues that
that retarded argument that you another
contrarian you
would be better
if you weren’t on
whoever it is if they
weren’t on air and if they
weren’t on the mushrooms
weren’t on acid
they would be better and that is crap
where’s that coming from
has he never done anything
no he has but he’s like a jazz person and he’s
pointing out that like
miles davis was great
before he got in heroin
and it doesn’t
look yeah but
miles davis was always smoking weed
elvis presley
never did drugs all
those guys smoked weed
i guarantee
miles davis smoked weed too
they’re fucking jazz musicians
man it’s like
comics i mean there’s a few
comics don’t
smoke weed there’s a few of us
but for the most part
unless they have health problems why
wouldn’t you like you know
philip k dick
dedicated one of his books to all
these people who had gone insane from
uh psychedelics wow
and he had a
he had i can’t remember how he described it
but the way he described it was like
he described them as like i can’t
remember the brilliant person out there knows it was
at the end of that awesome animated waking lifestyle
movie they did
what’s that
what was that
scanner dark yeah
scanner dark but
it’s like kind of like
the risk involved in
deciding to do
psychedelics or do whatever it is to enhance
your art there’s a certain risk involved because
sometimes you aren’t
gonna come back
sometimes like when
mckenna makes the
mao inhibitor
and the whatever and his
mind is getting ground up
he there’s a chance he
might not have got
some people don’t make it out
like some people you run into him they at some
point in their life they’re probably brilliant
they had it together they
were there but now they’re like borderline personality
well it’s also i
think how you handle the trip and what direction
you decide to let your consciousness go into yeah
i mean there’s parts in a trip
where you can let go and
everything could be okay or you can
fight it and you’re fucked
but i think that’s also the case in real life i
think after the
experience is over
there’s there’s an adjustment
period when you have a really intense experience
where you come back to reality in regular
everyday life and it seems pretty
lame and it seems fake and it seems
slippery you
know one of the last time i did dmt was a few years ago
and i didn’t do it
again because
the for like a couple of weeks
after the experience like life in my
inept way of describing it became slippery
i felt that reality was very
slippery the idea that this
insanely intense much more powerful
experience than everyday life was available that easily
that it was just three puffs away and
boom you’re in this new dimension
that was too crazy to me it was really hard to go
and apply anything that i might have got from that
experience positively into regular everyday life
because it made regular
everyday life seem so transparent
it’s tricky it’s tricky because it’s not useful
if you can’t enjoy this life
like the last thing you want to do is
enjoy only the psychedelic world
and then you’re just
fucked up on a new thing
every single day and
never you never interact with people here and it
doesn’t enhance here it
doesn’t enhance this consciousness this
state of consciousness also
any cause there
people who are advocates of psychedelics
some of them
i think take
a bit of a delusional approach by making it seem like
these things
are always gonna be safe you’re always
gonna be fine
it’s like any
great thing
has an inherent risk
the ones you’re
gonna be fine
for the most part though are the natural ones
don’t hear about people
dying from peyote
or mushrooms or dmt
no i don’t think
you’re gonna die and i even even go
crazy you hear the
great crazy from acid
crazy you hear from acid you hear you hear
brain damage from
mdma i’ve heard that i’ve
heard dudes i
think you can
get brain damage from
mdma as far as
going crazy from
lsd it’s like
the bottom line is your
brain is the
organic computer
right and whenever you’re putting some kind of external
thing in it that’s
shifting the way the operating
system works
and then rebooting it and
bringing it back online
just like any computer there’s some chance
that when that you
lose a program yeah too
there’s a big question mark in your dock yeah exactly
there was microsoft word what the fuck
yeah because you know i
laptop loses
sound yeah yeah
i wish that it wasn’t that way but if
you know sometimes if you
for example
go look at a
video of timothy leary
late in his life
you know what was he like
pull up like a timothy
leary well no we
don’t have to just describe what he’s like he’s lucid
no he’s no he’s not losing
he fucked up he’s a little
little fucked up man
maybe he was always like that but it seems
that there is some sort of
neurological impact the
vast amount of
psychedelics he’s done
it’s a negative
neurological impact well mckenna is the you know the
great bard of the
psychedelic movement
right yeah and you know he died of a
brain tumor
yeah i mean and he did say
no the doctor said there’s
never been a case of mushrooms causing that
but it’s not just mushrooms he was doing he was doing
well not only that the doctor
might not have ever
known anyone to take as much mushrooms as mckenna
yeah i mean you’re talking
about a really special case
i mean there’s a guy who took a lot of fucking
all over his life
the guy died of
a mushroom shaped
tumor i mean
literally had a
tumor that shaped like a mushroom in
his head he that must have been so embarrassing for him
do you really
think so why did it have to be shaped like a
mushroom no
he actually
he actually was fairly open
about it and he said
that a shorter
intense life worth living
if that is the cost of the experiences that he’s had
it’s absolutely
worth it but
it’s like if you are a masturbation advocate
and you’re like it’s totally
fine it’s healthy you can jerk off all the time it
doesn’t do anything
and you went
got a brain scan
and it looked like there was
a tumor shaped like a jar of vaseline in your
brain and a
huge dick yeah
it would suck
why would it be a jar of vaseline
i don’t know it
would be a dick
tumor you tried to get
obscure there
she said like a dick a dick
so many other
things it was just
too obvious
was vaseline ever really a way to masturbate
because i tried to use it the other day and was like
kidding me it’s not the right way
i did it once when i was in high
school and i was like that
definitely feels better than you just using my hand
but not worth the effort so i did it once
vaseline and ben gay is
awful master and also
i still have frozen in my memory
i went to this really lonely guys
apartment once
he was editing something and like
on his fucking
desk was an open jar of vaseline with puma
oh no it wasn’t yeah you like forgot to clean oh
it’s not funny
it’s like ugh
or he just didn’t care he’s like yeah it’s my vaseline
that’s my dipping jug
that’s gross
i watched this incredible documentary
with it was a show in the uk with eddie izzard
did you hear about it marathon man
no the reason why i’m thinking
about vaseline is
he ran these marathons
and one of the things he had to do was put like
vaseline or some
lubrication all over his
sack and his balls and his
dick and his nipples he ran
some insane number
of marathons in a row like over 40 in a row to raise
money for this
thing and he’s not in
shape and he
doesn’t didn’t have a history of running
and he just
started running
marathons he was running them like he ran a thousand
miles he ran all around the uk did it in like a
month it’s fucking incredible man
it’s incredible because he’s not even in
shape he just did it
for sheer willpower
i couldn’t imagine if i had to run
26 fucking miles a day over and over and over again
i mean he was having all
these problems like
today is my 11th marathon
he gets to the fucking finish
11th in a row
dude in 10 days he ran 11 fucking marathons
or in 11 days rather he ran 10 marathons
and he kept
going he kept
going he would take a day off
every now and then when they
literally told him you can’t walk
today your feet are so fucked up
you got blisters
i mean they were cutting
blisters off and
draining them with needles and he’s wincing
and then he
would just run
another marathon the next day it’s fucking incredible
incredible i
never would have
expected it
you know i always saw that guy on tv
you know and
he had some pretty clever material and he’s
wearing a dress and i was like okay i
guess that’s his shtick
whatever i don’t give a fuck
i never really paid attention
but after watching this documentary i’m like wow
like that guy’s a
powerful motherfucker
that was a brilliant thing
i mean the the
the fact that he was able to push himself to run
some like forty something fucking marathons
over a thousand
miles he ran
i think was a thousand one hundred
miles or something
crazy like that
he ran all around the uk
it’s fucking amazing and he’s
like you know he’s
a fat guy who’s 47 years old
he just willed himself to do it he’s
never been a competitive athlete he’s
never done anything
like that in his life yeah it really shows you
where you’re setting
the bar in your life because like
yesterday i was like willed myself to
carry my groceries up my steps
i was like this
is pretty good he didn’t take the elevator
by his house
somebody had
glued pubic hair to the
just the crossing button
you know where you push to
cross i had to
press it and you
get pubic hair
no i mean that’s
that’s a that is a
i don’t know how it applies
but yeah somebody
in my neighborhood
in my neighborhood is
filled it’s a hipster hive
and it’s like
filthy hipsters
someone had the brilliant idea of clipping
their pubic hair
and using rubber cement to glue it
on the button you have to
press across the
street now how does the hipster
community get started
how do hipsters
take over a neighborhood
i know how puerto ricans do it
i know how chinese people do it
it starts with disagreeing with
their country
and then they only say
that goes one language
they meet together
they form a community hipster
high town the word hipster is like a new word for like
the subculture and the subculture gets pushed
basically it’s like
but is it really the subculture it is
monstrously huge
it’s like the idea of alternative
music it’s not
alternative when it’s selling millions of copies
it goes like this here’s the way it works there’s
there’s like
on the very fringes of society
they’re the artists
like the real artists the people who are getting like
alien transmissions or whatever you want to call it
they’re getting super
inspiration and they’re creating amazing
things and usually
these people are not
like the mainstream
they’re way different they’re usually
crazy or off or they’re not
they’re not
in the same dimension that
most people are
right right
dude if you put this up to your
mouth it’ll be better
you’re varying a lot
because you keep turning away from the microphone
is that better yeah it’s very
people get annoyed at this shit
sorry guys we
could put condenser
microphones up but then you’d hear my
dogs barking and you’d hear the fucking
water running
so so hipster
theory hipster
theory so you get the artist
and the artist’s got a
group of friends right
the group of friends are really
annoying and
everyone cool moves away they’re kind of artists no
they’re kind of artists
and they start imitating
whoever this charismatic figure so you get that
group of friends right
and so that
group of friends there’s
the first group of people that goes and moves in
the shittiest
where the rent’s low
cause they’re all artists they don’t have a lot of
money now you’ve got a pretty cool
group of people
cause you got the guy who’s
using the weird
stencils at the
baby holding
the bomb and the flowers and he lives downtown
and everyone knows he’s a genius and
his friends
live there too so let’s go move downtown so what
maybe we’ll get beaten up or mugged
a couple of times but we’ll be around banksy the
super artistic i was living down a shitty part of town
so then what
ends up happening is you get
following the
group of friends another
group of people who are friends with the friends
and these are the
posers and then
those are the people who
start filling up the neighborhood
and that’s when you get a hipster neighborhood because
you get one really
crazy guy who’s like
you know what
today i’m gonna
dress like the
front of sergeant pepper out
i’m gonna curl my mustache out and wear bell bottoms
what’s it feel
like to live in the center of the hive though
is there anything
cause i know you watch em
through binoculars at night and
study them so
is there like it’s
a lot of parties with the depeche
mode but like backwards
or something you like it do you like living with all
these hipsters
i’d rather live there than west hollywood or live there
with like people who are
who are you know
taking authentic pleasure in riding the bullet
saddle ranch you know
i’d rather live there than like
around a group of people who love karaoke
yeah i don’t like to be i like to live around
know people
that’s why we
were thought to be suburban at all
have you ever thought to move to like
a burbank or is like a more suburban neighborhood or
you kind of
like being in no i’m we’re looking for a
place right now we’re
trying to get the fuck out of there we’re looking for
place well we
wanna move near me man we
wanna live in that area
right here this is mars
i was telling you
you don’t even know what mars is you
should have
lived with me
or come to visit me when i was living in colorado
when i was living in
colorado i was living on the top of a mountain
3 000 feet above boulder
150 acres eight
miles up a dirt road into the woods that was mars
that was literally you
would see the sky at night
just filled with stars too
soon too soon
too soon too soon
move up there after
move up there
after the israelis
start bombing ira
no listen man
the only problem up there is having
babies having little kids up there and having a wife
doesn’t have
driving the snow if it wasn’t for all that shit i would
still be up there
right it was incredible
it was like
you’re living around the most incredible artwork that’s
ever been created by anything and it’s natural artwork
these mountains it’s not a painting
it’s a natural
three dimensional gigantic
super beautiful
thing that’s
right in front of you all the time
and it’s humbling and majestic and i
would drive up this fucking road
to the mountain
and as you’re turning
and you’re seeing the snow cap peaks in july there’s
snow on them
and it’s just
staggeringly beautiful and the sky is
just crisp and
clean there’s not a hint of smog
it’s incredible incredible
if you can live in a
place like that why
wouldn’t you
but it’s hard
i think that’s we have
babies and your dog gets
eaten by a fucking mountain lion
it’s not easy i
think that’s the
isn’t that the plot of the shining no
well it kind of is yeah
dude was already nuts man i’m not nuts that’s the
point no no fuck
by the yeah he is joey
what the fuck
are you talking about
i am trying the
truth is joe
ate the dog
here this means i am driving
joe ate the dog actually there was no mountain lion
dogs talking shit if you read
the book the shot
the dog was
talking shit
too many barks
while i was writing i got crazy
joe what are you doing out there i have to
write when everyone’s asleep man don’t you
when do you
write can you
write during the day
i just have to be alone
i don’t feel like i get the same
i don’t feel like i get the same
connection to the universe it
sounds completely retarded
but when more
people are asleep i feel like there’s less interference
you know oh
i seriously i really
one of the reasons why and it
sounds totally hippie
you know go wear a crystal you faggot it
sounds like that but
one of the reasons
why i like living way far away from people
is that i’m very sensitive
to people’s energy
i’m very sensitive to people’s intent
i’m very sensitive to what’s
going on and i
think even if i don’t want to tune that in i think
there’s a certain amount of really like low
low frequency
that you get from people
where you’re
around them all the time like if you’re around a
bunch of negative douchebags
even if you’re not interacting with them i
think they’re affecting the
frequency of the environment yeah
sounds silly
no it doesn’t but it
doesn’t if you go to new york city man
you feel the energy of the city
what exactly are
you feeling you’re feeling all the fucking people man
you’re feeling something that’s
intangible and also you know it’s like if you think
about it we
to survive when
back in the days
when it was common to get
eaten by a tiger and
stuff you had to be
completely in tune with
the tribe that you were living and the
tribe wasn’t in tune with each other
you were dead and
your tribe is
gluing pubic
hair to stop
yeah that’s my
tribe that’s your
tribe that’s what
you’re around that’s our tradition
that’s what you’re
around them well i know what you’re saying i feel less
influenced by
that level of
when it’s that far away but
it’s more like
the group of people that you
really hang around with like the person you live with
the people that you
drive around with
those are the people who are really shaping you
what if your wife
or your girlfriend
was the one that did that though
if you found out that she was the one that
glued the pubic
hairs to that’d be one of the happiest days of my life
my bitch is a
freak every fucking crazy
like why are you wandering around gluing pubic hairs oh
you just got horny and
crazy i don’t know i just it seemed like the
right thing they’re not even
pubic they’re actually my butthole hairs
wow i’ve been collecting them for 10 years
since i was
12 if i date
a girl with butthole hair and have to talk to her
about it no like have to yes
if my girlfriend had butthole hair no you
wouldn’t say anything you just deal
yeah well what am i gonna
say i would much
rather deal with that
once she had butthole hair
way back in the day and
the butthole hair had poop on it
oh i saw it
was hitting it
oh my god i was
i was only 21 too
so i totally went limp
i just could not keep it together
it was just too much i had
did you guys talk
about it no
i don’t remember what i said i don’t remember
i think i just
just fucking made an excuse and ran out of room
i dated this girl that had such
so much butthole hair that sometimes you put it in like
fuck her and it
would pull her butthole hair and
so you had to like
push it out the way before you
and really no
you useless motherfucker what the fuck
how dare you you can’t just make
you don’t belt
shout something like that
that’s what he does all the time he
thinks it’s cute fucking m night shamble and you guys
m night shamble
how unappetizing
do his movies look
dude that new preview
every time it comes on everyone goes
it says m night shyamalan
people go oh get the fuck out of here
you can only rape my mind so many times sir
he’s got to change his name i’ve gone to two
movies where
that preview came on and both of them had that same
exact reaction yeah
people are sick of that dude
people are sick of that dude we’ve done some podcast
rants already
the fuck you m
night shamalama ding dong podcast
we’ve already done them so we can’t repeat it but
he’s one of
those guys where you know
there’s people that have accused him of
stealing the idea for the
sixth sense to
apparently there was something else that had the
exact same idea and was written very similar
does he keep getting
money to make movies
hollywood’s filled with retards man
maybe he’ll hit it
again who approved it
if he gets it this time man
he’s back he’s back look at
sixth sense he won the
oscar he won an
oscar or something
yeah i think
so that means that’s amazing though you make
one good thing
all you have to do is make one good thing
and you get like
seven bombs that you can do well he’s had some
that weren’t
that bad like unbreakable wasn’t that bad i didn’t
enjoy it i mean i
enjoyed it but i didn’t
think it was the
greatest thing in the world
but and then the village was kind of
goofy but it wasn’t atrocious
but i heard the one with marky mark the
plant one when the
plants come
alive and kill everybody
that was awful i’ve read it so bad
i’ve read it so bad it’s an unintentional comedy
what about this
new the new like what’s his name
i’m not there
i’m still here
what the one with the guy who did the
prank who went on letterman and kind of acted like
he went yes you did joaquim have you seen this joaquim
phoenix yeah
it’s a whole two year
prank that he was doing is it good acting
crazy no no i don’t
know everyone knew that he was doing a prank yeah
i don’t care
no one was fool
like everyone knew that he this is a
that means nothing to me
i don’t like
when people pretend to be something they’re not
unless it’s
brilliant right
you know you got to be borat okay yeah
if you can do that that’s that’s
funny to me
but just pretending you’re crazy
who cares it’s
yeah you wasted two years of your time
right i don’t care
about that guy at all
why would you even care about this
great actor he was
great and johnny cash
yeah but would you care about him
i mean it just
doesn’t seem like a good premise
for most people
it’s hard for a dude to do johnny cash in my eyes
and pull it off oh my
god you’re gonna do johnny cash
you’re not johnny cash
yeah why are you pretending you’re johnny cash
you’re gonna do johnny you got to be a bad
johnny cash
and he did it
pulled it off perfectly
i bought it hook line is a
great actor it’s brilliant
it was great and gladiator too he’s fucking fantastic
but i know creepy
relationship with his
sister that dude
that idea for that the prank
i know what it came from
it came from cocaine
really that’s a cocaine
idea he was doing blow with what’s his name um the guy
calling just
answer talking
he was doing blow
he was he was doing cocaine with a
who’s the guy did the
who produce the
movie colin
hanks colin
fuck off shyamalan
who was the guy who did it was i
have no idea oh
casey affleck
casey affleck
and joaquim
were doing blow you
think so and they that’s a
strong statement you just you just outed them
well i mean is that a surprise
it just feels like a coke idea it feels like an
idea okay this is just
purely your opinion
this in no way reflects the
opinion of the joe rogan this is not my opinion either
well you’re saying it though so
what happens now i don’t know i
think a lawsuit
i feel like a lawsuit’s happening that
would be funny
you said allegedly
no you didn’t
it’s my theory i don’t
know if it’s true the mic just same
picture so why did you why did you
think that why do you
think that because
it’s an ego idea it’s like an idea that like
you think you’re
gonna do this new brilliant
innovative cutting edge thing
and you’re gonna
diverge away from what you’re already
great at and
and then you just end up putting out this
thing where no one’s
tricked and everyone’s mildly annoyed
it’s just it’s like
it is so stupid
that’s so poignant
you nailed it just do what you’re good at
don’t because
this always happens it always happens for a really
great actor
or someone so you
think it’s an ego
thing yeah it’s an ego
thing why is it an ego
thing because he wants to see that
if he can pull it off
yeah because
he wants to see if he can pull it off and he
thinks he’s important enough
where the entire country
is going to oh my god
joaquim what’s happened to our dear
wife no one cares
three months down the road you forgotten
about the guy
yeah it’s like a bit
disappointing because he was a good actor
he’s still a good actor he’s still
a good actor
mickey rourke went nutty and
stuffed some shit into his face remember when he had
fake cheekbones what was that he went nutty
it went nutty
but they took him back
they took him back well
i hope they take joaquin
back do you
yeah you don’t want him to lose his position
no i love his
movies he’s a
great actor
right he’s a
great actor what
about his hip hop
not impressed love it
love it that’s the only good
thing about that
movie is the music he’s
great this is my new song tell me what you
think today’s
i seen your girl’s butthole
dude don’t just give that stuff away
have you copyrighted that
i seen your girl’s butthole
it’s really good i was
searching late last
night you should make a movie
about that song
there’s several people that i know in my life that i
would love to
do one of those
windy city heat things
just have them convinced that we’re really
shooting yes a
movie with them
totally really doing a document have you ever seen
i haven’t seen
windy city heat it’s amazing
awesome i still
haven’t seen it i
still don’t watch
check it out so good
the idea for people don’t know is they convinced this
crazy guy that he was famous
allegedly allegedly crazy he’s crazy
yeah oh yeah allegedly
is that you really have to say that you have
to legally say that
i keep flesh like you get in trouble okay allegedly
you don’t want to hurt the
flesh no i can get in trouble
that’s not to do what i’m saying
don’t be you know i’m just very
i’m just very concerned my
legal advisor
shut up wait
wait hold on hold on wait you’re not my legal advisor
wait you’re saying that because joe
said that the main character
scary perry
in wendy city heat was crazy now
that place could not have
existed or that guy could not have existed
without the comedy
store the comedy
store is like
the magnet for the craziest fucking people
from all over the
world would be
drawn to that
place do you remember some
of the nutty
fucking people that we met at that place
how about that fucking hooker the
crazy hooker that was on camera just telling me about
she puts an ad in
craigslist and just shows up at guys
houses and fucks em and
that’s the old
way to do it nowadays you just become a porn star
is that what they do yeah
pornstar hookers it seems like everyone’s a pornstar
well it kind of makes
sense it’d be like good
advertising if you really wanted to be a hooker you
would do porn
and say you know you
could be used
they’d be fucking this right now
and then they
put an ad out you know that’s
crazy is that there’s this one porn star that’s pretty
well known i’m not
gonna say who it is
and i searched her and
found her on
one of those hooker
review websites have you seen these
where they review hookers
and they it’s like
it’s like it’s like amazon
where like that you know the girls
pussy smell
but like she did put out you know and was good and
you know anyways i
found her on there
and you could like it gives her rates and reviews
and it also gives her mobile cell
phone number so you can just call her up oh
i was like this is
ridiculous what is this website
what’s the name of
fuck i can’t remember that’s a good
thing for people to know
that is insane i
can’t remember i’m sure people are gonna start i
think reviews are always hilarious when you go on yelp
and someone’s taking the time to write a serious
free paragraph review
about a cafe
thoughtful thoughtful review like
there’s siskel and ebert and they’re reviewing like the
sherman oaks starbucks
i think some folks have like
they have aspirations like
hey i’ll start out reviewing shit on yelp and then i’ll
start a blog because
people enjoy my yelp reviews
and next thing you know gq will hire me to be their
resident critic
because of my
snarky reviews
sad sad pass i’m so snarky
i really know how to
cut you down
yeah cut you down to size no you know the
snarky reviews suck
but what’s even more unnerving
is when someone gives
a passionate
positive review for a shoney’s
or you know what i mean or someone like shoney’s
like denny’s
you know what i mean or for like
if you go on yelp you can look at reviews for like
office depot
or staples i yelp
i’m a yelp elite
are you a yelp
elite yeah how many times
they actually you did two things
today you made fun of him this is
the second one the salvia videos and the yellow
he’s a salvia
video and he’s a yelp retard i’m sorry i don’t mean to
i’m not talking about you
his reviews are great
i see your reviews are hilarious
look sometimes you get
you know something that you hate and
you want to make sure that if people are driving around
going let’s go to a restaurant
bam oh this is something
you know for the most part this is four stars you know
your reviews are different
i like access of information
you have to come off the ledge come off the ledge
yeah but would you take your
sweetie to a restaurant
if you looked at the reviews and it says
chef farts on every
plate before giving it to him
maybe it was
one review that said that yes i would be tempted
and if there was a restaurant
where a chef farted on the
plates i might go the best is when you go to people’s
if you follow that
stuff if you go to their review site where
you look at all their reviews and they’re all negative
they’re just
a rotten cunt
going everywhere
angry at everything they see
everywhere they go i like it
especially for dentists and everything
dentists and doctors so
if this doctor has
9 000 reviews all positive and except one negative i’m
going to go to that doctor you know
well there’s people that would complain
about it so duncan when you take these
harsh hits to
me it really hurts because you’re not really
thinking it out
i didn’t think that he’s helping man you’re helping the
world thank you how many reviews
do you have on yelp
i don’t know a lot
i love yelp yeah
i just girls
do girls ever
yelp you they send you yelp messages like i really
loved how you reviewed that taco bell
oh i have a lot dude i
would i love your writing yelp
yelp actually has parties for all the yelp
elites and then so you go there and goes
bomb on you dude it’s
like 40 people like 39 of them are
asian girls
and then there’s
so it’s like what
where did they have the party
we had it last year
when you walk in the room
we had a christmas
party at the viper
room last year
that would suck that 40 help
reviewers in your establishment because one
of them is gonna
leave a shit
brian walks
on totally purple leisure
shoot and you get served better
because you
like make you
print out a yelp
badge and put in
your wallet
and then you can like flip it when you go to the
hostess stand
and they automatically
serve you better and try harder
and cook your food but i’m just kidding i don’t do that
that was okay
you went too far with that one son you
should have bailed on that one
earlier you knew it was a stinger
do you believe it
how many how many
asian chicks have you met from
these things
not many i accidentally
i’ve only gone once a few
have you dated any of
these asian
chicks no really why
not just fuck them whoa
hey this is a family show
you’re gonna fuck up your but
you look at it and
you go hey i’m a single man now i’m out there yelping
nothing nothing makes me feel better
after i get out of a bad relationship than
right writing a yelp review you know i’ve
been yelping along
weed stores lately i’ve been yelping oh yeah yeah
that’s i mean it’s cool because like you go you read
these reviews and go hey
these people you know have
a cash machine they do credit cards i do review yelp
i mean i read the reviews but i do not review things
and that’s really
selfish for me i’m a fucking one way
street man yeah you’re like
torrance and
not sharing
i enjoy your reviews on yelp
but outside of red band
it’s just to me
like when you read some of the impassioned yelp review
where someone’s really
that pissed off that they’re like writing an angry
yelp review it’s always some of them are so dumb
you know what bothers me when they
start complaining
about the prices
and it’s so overpriced
and this and that and that and this and i don’t care
how good the food is 39
for a steak is ridiculous
well no it’s not if the guy goes to the butcher mart
himself and make sure he’s only getting
grass fed beef from very specific
organic cows
and he brings it to his restaurant this is the whole
point of what
he’s serving you he’s like the very best shit
from all over the world
and you’re complaining that it costs a few dollars
more like do you not
understand what he’s doing here how
about the old
the reason i gave this
three stars instead of
four stars is because when we came into the restaurant
it’s just like
the hostess was eating
you know her own meal
and had to finish her
mouthful before she could
speak to us
i got in trouble for one review because i
was so pissed off that i went home and did one of these
really bad reviews that you guys are talking
about gave it one star posted the
photo as being a kid with like hair missing
from his head for some reason you know like a
patch of hair
and i got in
trouble for it
why did you get in trouble
just because of the what i wrote
who did you get in
trouble from what did you write
what you want me to read a little bit no i don’t
i wrote well it was a
seven dollar haircut
and the guy fucked up your hair in the
picture that wasn’t
really you with fucked up hair and said it was you
yeah so you did a douchey
thing no no no no she just acted like she’d
never like cut hair in her life
like i was telling her
things and she
would like cut
start cutting the
maybe she was
hypnotized by your beauty
but anyways
maybe you should have busted a move
the worst thing ever
maybe that’s what it was man
maybe you just put the
spell on that
bitch she was
maybe it was your pheromone
like i really thought that she got her like
barbershop license
from like she thought the warranty card for the
clippers was like her you know that’s all she needed or
something it was that bad like she
never cut hair she
a frowns pun you see him
right there
brian frowns
frowns upon the prime
shiva is not happy the
dance of destruction not
happy isn’t
shiva supposed to be the god of cannabis
isn’t that like the yes yeah
yeah there’s a city in india
called varanasi
where they cremate
this is the city on the ganges
river where they cremate
all the bodies
and i went there
and marijuana’s
legal there because apparently
at the end of the
age of kaleuga
as shiva is beginning to destroy the universe
which is now this is khaliyu’s
age explain that before you get into anything because
a lot of people don’t know what the fuck we’re talking
about but the hindus
believe that there are these ages
it’s like you know
it’s like the
cycles of time
and i don’t
know the names of all the ages but the one we’re in
right now it’s
basically based on
the idea that
it’s almost
based on like devo’s premise
which is that we’re
de evolving and not
evolving so
like that’s devo’s premise
yeah devo de
evolution that’s what they stood for
oh that’s hilarious i did not know that
until right now yeah so
i thought they had cool music
no man they’re the de
evolution people
yeah it’s cool
but gates of
steel man so kalyuga
is what we’re so
basically the idea is this
when you have
fresh fruit
over time it
kind of rots when you have a flower it wilts
humanity’s the same way there’s a
cycle there’s a golden
age when that started
humans were
super intelligent
supertuna of the universe
and were just wilting and rotting
as we reproduce at massive
rates we’re diluting the gene lines and we’re now
apparently in the middle of the
age of kaleuga
or at the very beginning of the middle of the
age of kaleuga
and the symptoms of the
age of kaleuga are
like people are lazy
and so technology
what we consider to be a sign of
things advancing
is actually a sign of
things collapsing the fact that we need
technology and that our focus has turned towards
all the different things that people
think are important now
only shows that we’ve gotten really really
stupid when
in the beginning
of time when there wasn’t that many people
um language wasn’t necessary it’s kind of like
there’s an anarchist what the fuck is that guy’s name
i shouldn’t have said his name
he’s really intense
and he shares a similar viewpoint
someone out
there’s got to know this guy’s an anti technologist
and he believes that um
language and
symbols and
paintings and drawings and all of
these things are
and that before
the very act
of translating the universe into a
symbol is a lie
because you can’t
translate the universe into a
symbol and so
when people
started doing cave drawings to depict the universe
this was the beginning of the
collapse of society because
you’re interpreting
reality in a way that isn’t really reality
you know the
thing when you’re in a
conversation with somebody and you know you both agree
you can’t find the language to express it
and so you just stay in a fight
even though you know
underneath it all is
something that’s like
you both are on the same page somehow right so
anyway the whole
point is as
in the golden
age people didn’t have language they
didn’t have a written form
they didn’t need it
and then as
things began to collapse the written form
evolved and all the variants of it and
now we’re in the
age of kali ugaware
everyone’s completely
you know forgotten
everything so how many times did they the hindus
think that these
cycles have repeated themselves over
that question
because the way they
the way they explain it
is they say to know how many times this
cycle has happened
again and again
which is the idea is it’s
the creator
of breathes the universe out
and then sucks it back in it’s the pattern of breath so
the number of times that this has happened imagine
the himalayas
and imagine that once
some people say a year some people say
every hundred years a dove
flies over the very top peak of the himalayas
with a scarf
a silk scarf and the silk scarf
touches the very top peak
imagine the number of times
imagine that
that the himalayas had been ground down into a valley
that’s how many times the universe
has been born and destroyed that number of times
the amount of times it would take
a dove carrying a
scarf to erode it
of course this is not
precise math ideas
the idea is it’s infinite
literally it’s
literally possible
to put a number yeah it’s impossible to
understand so that this is
these ages have been anticipated over and over and over
again yeah and so do they believe
how long do they believe that
human beings have been here
i don’t know they do have a number for
it so they don’t believe that
human beings are
a few hundred thousand years old
or a million years old
they think we’re way way
older than that and they think that
this is the millionth version of
human beings and
that the universe is teeming with life
wow now what about the
vedas did you read
about that did
you read those
explain what that is so
the vedas are the
the collected
there’s different
the collected works of
hinduism which are
which is filled with like
references to flying
saucers and
space people
yeah yeah well i mean you know
yeah exactly it’s it’s
they use the
term gods or demigods and they believe that
when there was flying
things through the sky what did they call
those things i don’t know
about that i want to say vishnuz no
well they had no there’s like
i can’t remember
the name there are like flying chariots and stuff
like that yeah
but i mean that’s in that’s in
every that’s in almost
every religion there’s like
reports of flying
weird flying
things like
the book of ezekiel the prophet
is obviously
a ufo if it’s anything it’s someone talking
about a ufo is that the
wheel within a
wheel yeah yeah yeah
but yeah we’re in the
age of kali yuga
and this is the
age of disintegration and everyone’s dumb and everybody
thinks the most important thing is
like fucking and reproducing and what happens next
i suppose what happens next is the apocalypse where
you meet your what is
supposedly in according to the hindus
what is the next state like we go through this this
you know current
age so there’s the depiction if you look up kali
who is sheevah’s consort
then you’ll see this image of this like
crazy wild haired woman
crazy bitch we’re in the year of the crazy
bitch yeah and behind
i would never call callie that but
just out of pure superstition but behind callie
is humanity
so you see fire in all of humanity and there’s an
apocalypse happening
and colleagues wearing
around her neck a garland of heads and
those heads represent the gods
so she’s literally decapitated all of the
gods and carries
their heads around and is wearing
their heads
and she’s holding weapons in her hands but in one hand
she’s holding a flower
and that flower represents the next phase wow
so it’s like the idea is like
kind of what’s happening right now
which is holy shit that’s cool we’ve gotten so
smart that now we know of course
there’s not a god with a beard
and there’s not a
blue skinned god with forearms and there’s not i mean
there could be
super intelligent life but by now we know that the
symbol systems that
you know ancient people are
using to describe divinity
or just that
symbol systems
we’ve deconstructed it now to the
point where we’re
starting to
understand that
these things
the way that they were described that’s kind of like
a fairy tale
do you subscribe to the idea that most of
these people that have described all
these incredible
experiences really
stumbled upon
do you think that a lot of
these people were
tripping and that’s
where all these
things came from or do you
think it’s like ufos
what do you
think is the basis
for all these different religions
especially like the hindus
when you get to
stuff that gets really
really like
a science fiction e almost
i get into the multiple
histories of the universe theory and the idea that
we’re existing
right now there’s a
infinite number
of parallel universes that are all happening
around us and i
think that this
would create some kind of like
there’s like an actual
this sounds
crazy but i
think if you were
smart enough you
could map it out with coordinates
like all the different alternate realities
is it possible though if they’re infinite though how
could you map them all i
think you could to some certain degree
i think that there’s certain
levels of experience that have been
mapped out and
have been encoded in the form of religion
and those levels of
experience are encounters with divinity
and so when and i
think mckenna said this you know when you get into the
whole ufo thing and the
alien thing and the higher intelligence thing
the extraterrestrial
and the inter
dimensional being kind of become the same thing
so to me it’s very easy to believe that there’s life on
other planets and i
think that’s a very high
it’s impossible to not believe that in fact
based on what people
say about the expansiveness of the universe
but i also think that
outside of that
existing around us at all times
are other levels of
experience and we know this because we know
about the spectrum of light
you hear it over and over again
radio waves that if you
could tune in you could listen to
rush limbaugh
right now but
i think just in that way
there’s also
that you don’t see in
touch but they’re there there’s higher
levels of experience
other than that now
you have talked about
your dimethyltryptaman
experience and
other people have reported this experience and
when they talk
about it there’s two possibilities
there’s two basic possibilities one
the human mind is so fucking powerful
that somehow
under the influence of this drug
it can actually construct an alternate dimension
with super mathematical geometries that
are almost impossible to describe and so potent that it
apparently makes people feel like they’re going
to die from astonishment
as terrence mckinnon
says and i believe you’ve said the same thing
that tells you
they literally tell you to relax
they tell you to
relax and try to take it all in and do you
think that that’s your subconscious
trying to tell you that you can find an
experience here that you could take something from this
and you should learn how to
let it happen or
do you think
that something’s actually communicating with you that’s
where it gets
like really who the fuck knows well see that’s the
funny thing
about it is it’s like this whole
that people
have said i’m
sorry to interrupt
people have said
about that experience that
they could never have thought that up on
their own so they know
that there’s something
communicating with them
but i say that’s bullshit
like you could know
if you were
under the influence of a drug like
maybe your brain becomes
superpowered and your
creativity becomes
so powerful that you manifest
something that you actually believe is a real thing
and it’s only because something in your
brain is getting jabbed with some new chemical
i mean nobody
wants that possibility to be real
everybody wants
the idea of the more romantic vision is that you’re
tuning into another dimension
and communicating with
aliens but it’s also just as possible that
your imagination is fucking insanely
powerful because
you’re supposed to be able to create all sorts of
things that
allow people to
change the world it’s the iceberg theory of the
human mind we
the very tip we only use 10
of our that’s all bullshit
though that’s all been proven to be just ignorant
sure you can’t say
we only use a certain percentage of our
brain but you know there are percentages of our brain
that get used for different things
you can certainly make the
brain work better and do different
things if you add
electrical charges
to it if you add chemicals to it you can
get it to do
weird things
well i’m more of a theist than you are and i do
think that there are
i think there are higher
levels of intelligence that have their own
consciousness that you continue to i’m
open to that idea
i’m open to it but i also see no evidence of it
so i’m open
to it i’m a hundred percent open to it but i’m not
gonna commit to it i
would never say that that is what i
think is real
my problem is i think
when you start
thinking like that when there’s no evidence it gets
silly it gets
slippery but it’s
not looking for shit it’s not that yes i
agree you could be very
sloppy with this kind of stuff
but you’re not
sloppy i know you you you you
do come from
a very real
place it’s the
logic man it’s like
so here’s the logic the
logic is okay
the first question is
do you believe
that we are
the only intelligent beings in
an infinite universe
and so there’s a
group of people
who believe that
they’re foolish
right off the bat
you’d have to be foolish
to believe that you’d have to be foolish to know why
would you say that you
could ever have
the knowledge
it’s impossible at this current
stage of the game
that is an open answer
you cannot answer it
you should never say do you believe there is
intelligent life in the universe i have no information
i have nothing but it’s all just speculation yeah but
for me logically
just because the universe is
apparently infinite
in space whatever that means it’s a very big place
and just because we’re
you know every day they come back with like
we just found another
we just found another
planet that’s
a planet around a sun
and they have the idea
the goldilocks region
which they call the
perfect place next to the sun
where you need to be for life to exist and
based on just the few that they found
that implication is that there’s
obviously and you know this backwards and forwards
there’s millions of planets
surrounding suns and
based on that
there is an extremely high probability
that there’s
other life out there
right but it
could be other life that’s so
alien to us
that we can’t even recognize it we don’t have the
senses to depict it
it doesn’t have to be carbon based they
could be beans made of
light they could
be intelligent life made of air
made of a gas we
don’t know super
gigantic beings that are
the size of our galaxy
i mean we might be experiencing that
right now i mean
what i always use is what i call the fart theory
that if you didn’t have a nose and someone farted you
have no idea you’re sitting there in someone’s stench
how do we not
know that there are not an infinite number of
senses that we don’t possess
to detect an infinite amount of
things that around us all the time we just don’t have
any senses for
we don’t have the ability to tune into it
that’s possible
the only thing that
limits that is our own
if space can be infinite
so can possibilities
if the universe
literally is an infinite
place or as
close to infinite as is possible
then so are the possibilities
so are the possibilities of all sorts of different
things you know
about the hitchhiker’s
guide of the galaxy the improbability
drive no what is that have you read the hitchhiker’s
guide of the galaxy no
it’s very funny is it
good yeah it’s pretty good i mean
to be honest i
haven’t read it since
i was in high
school so it’s
probably a little cheesy now if i read it but
i still think
about it from time to time
the device that
drives the spaceships
or one of their
spaceships is called an improbability
drive and it
basically came into
existence on
its own because it was so improbable that it
would come into
existence so it sort of manifested itself
which is funny because
in the idea of in the idea of time machines
one of the ways that they think it
might happen is it
might just sort of come into
existence on its own if you just create the
right circumstance for it anyway the
well it makes
sense all you
have to do is you don’t have to really have to
create a time machine you just have to create a portal
for a time machine to use well you know the mit
and the time
machine will show up from the future you know the mit
experiment that they did no
so mit had this idea
which is like okay
if there’s time
travel why haven’t we seen time
travelers yet and so
what they did is
the theory was
we’ll create a
press conference
with shitloads of scientists almost like a party
where a time traveler
can come to this
moment and communicate whatever he needs to communicate
to the world
and so they
threw this big
thing where they had cameras and scientists and
all this shit
because the idea being that at whatever
point in the future that time
travel was invented they
would know about this they
would know enough that back to
this year what
year was this they did this
i think it was like the 80s
the 80s nobody showed up they didn’t know
shit back then
nobody showed up no scientist showed up either no time
travel no time
travel but the
science also showed up i
guess we know
that yeah the scientists showed up
well what they believe
is that none of this is
you know they is
might as well be talking
about fucking the x men
you know i don’t really know who the
fuck they are
using that word
but what scientists believe is that when the
first time machine is invented
that will be the moment that all
other time travelers from now
until eternity
get to come back to that
point at any
point in between they’ll be able to
flow freely through time
once the door has been open
and until that door is open there will be no time
travelers when we
first started hanging out
you gave me
a marijuana lollipop this is like
right at the beginning of our friendship
and i didn’t know anything
about eating pot or how
strong it was or whatever
and i i still remember this eating it
and then i you would just
started let
let me open up for you on the road
and i think it was
after so we’re driving back
and i’d eat one of
these things
and i’d never
heard you say
that idea before and i remember you saying that
and right at that moment the pot
started kicking in
and i was like
oh jesus christ
it was so intense man i thought i saw
alien heads
floating in the sky i was just so
freaked out
the idea is so
crazy but what’s really
crazy is look
just like the atomic bomb
the time machine
is not just possible it’s inevitable
if they’re going to keep
searching if
technology keeps increasing at the exponential rate
that it always has been increasing at
with its complexity with
innovation they’re
going to get more and more information
about matter and the
universe and time and they’re
going to get more and more power
more and more
ability to process
things i mean they just figured out a new
some sort of
a new chip that operates on
lights some quantum
leap in chip
technology and that
computers are
going to be infinitely more
powerful soon than they are now i
think time machines the
first time machine is actually
going to be invented in your head meaning they’re
going to program your head
to go back into the 1940s you
know before they actually will go back and forth dave
i think if you can
think of it it’s possible
right that’s a cool
idea though you know it’s
gonna open up your mind
it’s gonna open up your
like a hubble
telescope for time
you can peer back in
time or something and
watch it maybe
no you feel
like you’re in it you feel like you’re back in 1940
you know but your
brain’s just making you
think you’re in 1940 i’ve been talking
about time machines a lot on
stage lately
man i’ve been doing a lot of time machine material
now i just think the idea of the concept
is so fascinating and the grandfather paradox is so
that it’s such a
stupid reason
for people to believe that a time machine can
never exist
there’s a true
story that i tell on
stage that actually really did happen
where a guy came up to me and said that
your time machine joke is
funny but time machine is impossible
the guy wanted to
argue that time machines could
never be impossible because of the grandfathers oh
great you know the grandfather
paradox sure
the paradox says
if a time machine was real
you could go back in time and kill your grandfather
before your father was ever born thus
you could never been born to make a time machine
just like the most
ridiculous logic ever
like just because
first of all just because you
could go back in time and kill your grandfather and you
would cease to exist
just because you
could do that
doesn’t mean you
wouldn’t do that
it means you
could and maybe people
would and yeah they
would cease to
exist and yeah it
would break time
i mean yeah it’s possible that if people
could really go back in time they
could break time you know
about john teedor
that’s nonsense but no
it is nonsense of course but
the way that he dealt with that
paradox which i
think is really
smart is that
when you’re
traveling back in time you’re not really
traveling back in time
you’re traveling into an
alternate like
multiple universe
it’s similar to ours
and the further back you go
which is a really smart
thing that he
added to the hoax because
it made it so that his
could be off
a lot because they’re not in this
dimension because they’re not in this dimension but
the further back you go the more the timelines kind of
start splitting
apart and diverging so events
don’t line up exactly the same way
so it’s a great
idea of infinite universes saddened
people you know
when something looks that big it makes people depressed
you know when
you tell people like
maybe there are infinite lives that we are all living
you know all consecutively all
right next to each
other and they’re all
completely different
the idea that was like
it’s like i am just barely getting through the pack
the fact that i’m
living here in america
on earth in
2010 i’m barely
barely wrapping my
head around that
the idea that
there’s billions and billions and then that we’re
gonna redo this
every 15 billion years is
gonna be a new big bang
and people are gonna
eventually evolve
out of amoebas and fish and fucking lizards and
rabbits and
monkeys and and humans
really it just keeps
going over and over and over and over and over and over
again can i tell you my new theory of reincarnation yes
and it’s really
intense because i thought of this and it
freaked me out it’s pretty horrible
so it’s like
the common idea
of reincarnation if you subscribe to the theory
is that you die
and you’re born
again you go through your childhood
you grow up
and then you die
maybe you get born as a cat
maybe a butterfly
maybe an amoeba
this is what i was thinking
cause i had a dream once
and in this dream
i was a kid
a little girl
and my mom was rubbing my head
and i knew i was dying
but i didn’t know what that meant
except i knew it was bad
and i could kind of feel myself fading out
there was this
white sort of
thing happening and then i woke up
out of the dream like fuck what a shitty
dream so i was
thinking like oh fuck
what if that’s what reincarnation is
what if when you die
you know when you’re driving home one night
you’ve had too many pot lollipops
you’re listening to
coast to coast someone says something
shocking that makes you look away from the road
you swerve off you slam into a tree
you wake up
you’re here back in your
house like ah fuck what a shitty dream
but you’ve really died you just reincarnated
again into an
alternate reality in an alternate reality so you
literally can’t die
there’s no break
this just goes on forever and ever and ever and ever
no break no stopping no new age
going into the
light and seeing
your parents and your family and taking a
going to some new
age cosmic spa
where you get to
shake off all your shitty karma
it never stops
it just keeps happening
again and again
maybe like right now there’s an
earthquake and the ceiling collapses
and all of a
sudden you’re just some daydreaming
cabby in boston like wow that was fucking weird
just imagining i was a comedian in la but
you know what i mean well that’s
bizarre you’re
gonna change lives you
just snap into
another alternate life you
become the guy who rides this body out yeah you snap
into an alternate life with all your memories embedded
everything already embedded in there because it’s an
infinite it goes
on forever what if your consciousness is living a
bunch of different lives simultaneously
you just can’t see them
it’s like an
office filled with cubicles and no one’s poking
their head over the top of the cubicle yeah
right they’re all
rolling at the same time yeah or like the way i thought
about it is like
if there was like something this
sounds really crazy but
imagine that each of your fingers this
sounds insane
but imagine like each of your fingers had
their own personality and their own
consciousness or something
it’s like and you
could stick them
through some kind of hole where they
would forget they were attached to your hand and they
would just think that they were
their own individual
selves you know what i mean
maybe that’s what we are we’re just like little fingers
protruding into this dimension from some infinite thing
but the product of protruding
into this dimension is we get instantaneous amnesia
and part of like dealing with the
shock of coming into this dimension
is we forget our true
identity and replace it with our ego
structures wow
well one of the
things that
yeah son one of the
things that
you did quite a
bunch when you were my roommate
duncan lived with me a few years back for
a few months happy
happy it wasn’t a few
months it was like
three weeks
two or three weeks it was
you were so awesome
anyway duncan
one of my best friends
great guy and
came over and was
getting the tank all the time
so for me it was fascinating because
i’ve offered the tank
to so many of my friends i’ve offered to so many people
but there’s something
about it that
weirds people the fuck out you
know very few of them
when tate lived here he barely got in that thing
and i was like how are you not in that
thing every day
we have the opportunity
to literally that is a
gateway to the center of the universe that’s a fucking
spaceship right there
that’s a spaceship to
inner space
you climb in that
thing you’re
gonna get rocketed into interspace it’s
right there it’s in the basement you’re
gonna use that shit
but for whatever
reason most dudes are scared of it you jumped in that
thing man you were in that
thing a lot
well because
at like for a very long time i wanted to go in
one of those
things because i was
you know i knew
about john lilly and also of course the altered
states the movie
where the guy turns into a monkey
always wanted to want to go
i want to go on that one now
that fucking
thing if you
haven’t seen
his tank it’s
evolved when i was
when i was here
you used to pee in his old tank didn’t you
when you used to go in it you said you did
i didn’t pee
you’re an asshole i
never i’ve met brunch
but the old tank was like it was cool looking
but this fucking
thing looks like a holodeck down there some steel
giant weird
things like a refrigerator
yeah it’s this that’s the that’s the
mothership man
that thing puts you into
right shoots you into
inner space
i mean really
it’s really what it is i mean
what is space
space is you’re
supposed to be flying out into the infinite
well there’s no
space like the fucking
space in your head because that
truly is infinite
you don’t have to
worry about
running into asteroids or there’s nothing out there
i mean it’s just free open energy and no
your body is not connected it’s just the line
well when i was staying with
you it was because i’d been living with a girl and the
whole thing collapsed i don’t want to talk
about that but
it was really cool to go into the so
when i moved into
burt with joe
he was very
kind and he’s like you have unlimited access
to my weed my flotation tank
which was a super
i mean if you’ve ever been out
just gotten out of a shitty relationship
that is like an incredible gift to give someone
but the combination of the weed
and the flotation tank and just
just everything collapsing around you when you go
into when i went to the tank the first time
you know there’s like a period
where nothing’s really happening you
gotta learn to
relax you gotta
relax but all of a
sudden the big
experience i had was
all these like
memories of the relationship
started appearing in
front of me like
and this sounds so like a seminar
like when you know when you do a
multi chat on apple
you know what i mean i
swear to god it was like
oh that’s when we were at the beach
oh that’s when we first met
and it’s all playing out in this like
with such great detail that uh
i my normal memories
never works like that but it was you
could just see these
things happening
that you never noticed before
and you would just come out of the tank
after having
these vivid memories
completely depressed like great
thanks tank
thanks for walking
me through my miserable relationship that was
you know if i had more
time machine
i’m sure better
things well you know what it is is
those are the
things that are bothering you
those are the memories
that you’re suppressing
those that’s the pain the fact that
you were deeply in love and you were in this beautiful
a place and now you’re without it
now it’s been
taken away from you
like a limb
like a limb that you miss like a part of
one of your
organs or something
a part of your soul
and the tank wants you to be
aware of that the tank wants
all the things that fuck with you like i can’t have any
secrets in my head and go in the tank
there’s no secrets
anything you don’t want to talk about
tanks like hey
what’s that
right there
let’s get this out in the
front let’s pull this out in the
front and get a spotlight on it
you know it’s like
anything that’s fucking with your head it’s the key to
i don’t want to say enlightenment but the key to peace
the key to peace
with the human mind
is dealing with all your issues
anything that’s
bothering you anything that’s you’re not doing
right anything
the tank exposes all that shit very
psychedelic in that respect
whereas it’s very
introspective like
deep and sort of
somewhat kind of abrasive and disturbing you know it
forces you to
look at yourself well it always is i mean that’s the
thing it always
anything you’re trying to ignore is always
it’s always disturbing it’s like puking
right but a
experience drags that
stuff out always and that’s why people are always like
no i would never
i don’t like
smoking pot because it makes me nervous it makes me
anxious and it’s like well yeah
yeah really it’s not making you anxious it’s like
the fact that you’re
deeply in debt or your
whatever the millions of
things you’re trying to pretend
aren’t happening in your what you’re an alcoholic
whatever all the
things are trying to deny that
right under the surface
when you get
stone that comes
it comes up
and you have to deal with it
you can’t have any
secrets you can’t hide your
secrets from weed
weeds too smart
and the end
ladies and gentlemen
i think that’s the end of the podcast it is now
648 so that’s probably two and a half
hours right
awesome long ass fucking time
thank you very much to the flashlight
our sponsor
as always we hung out with
those guys in austin you
gotta check out duncan’s
podcast by the way it’s fucking hilarious oh yeah
what is your podcast plug your podcast
the lavender hour
and is it on itunes
yeah it’s on itunes the lavender hour yeah
check out with you
and natasha
me and natasha
was here and
you know you can see duncan
duncan do you
have a calendar up on your website or on your twitter
there’s no calendar up but i go up at the comedy
store pretty regularly
for people listen
to that factor
a lot of people don’t know by the way the itunes
folks this is all
these episodes
that you listen to on itunes are also available on you
stream if you wanted to
watch you can
watch them i don’t know if you’re just
bored you want to
watch something
a lot of you i know listen to this
stuff in your car on the
train on the way
to work or something like that but if you ever want to
watch it they’re all available on u stream
and if you were
watching on u
stream you could see duncan’s twitter address
which is duncan
d u n c a n
trussell t r u s s e l l
and you can find them
on twitter and you’re always doing gigs around town
right around la
most of the
time you go on the road with natasha sometimes
how did you go to
you went to denver
right no we’re
going to denver we’re
going to dania
i don’t remember the date
it’ll be on my i’ll put a dates
thing on my website i
should have that i’m
stupid to not do that
yeah get on the date son the fuck
am i doing utilize that internet but anyway dude always
always cool talk google
search by the way
google search
kidnapped one of the funniest
videos he’s ever done i think
okay duncantrustled
kidnapped and the
other one was
drunk in history
drunken history number
just look up
drunk history
tesla and i’ll pop
out drunk history
tesla anyway
thank you duncan
always cool
to see you my friend i’m glad to
have you on for the longest time
thank you everybody and
we will be the next one will be this
thursday we’re doing doug
stanhope stanhope’s
gonna be here on thursday
that’ll be fun and we’re
gonna go to stanhope
show wednesday night
if you’re in town
he is at the irvine improv
and as of yesterday at
least a few tickets were
still available
so snatch those bitches up because
stanhope is
he’s a fucking he’s the real deal
he’s the real shit you know
there’s you
know there’s a few guys that
i go out of my way to see when they come in town louis
ck is one of them
and stan hope is another one you know i
think he’s one of the very best out there don’t
you think oh yeah he’s awesome and he’s a
great fucking guy and we did a shitty tv show together
anyway thank you everybody
and we’ll see you on
thursday love you bitches bye