​

I think I can help people if I get my hands a little bit dirtier.

Sounds so unethical.

Your husband is emotionally abusive. Leave him.

Okay.

-I’m worried about you, kid. -[Jimmy] I’ve been grieving her.

[crying]

You’ve been numbing.

[Paul] You gonna let your grief drown you,

or are you gonna face it and come through the other side?

-Coin flip? -Get out of here.

​

[Gomez groans, inhales]

[friend] How are you feeling?

[Gomez] I’m very tired.

[friend] Do you want to do your morning meds?

[Gomez] Mmm.

[friend] I know the answer, but… you should.

-[camera shutters clicking] -[paparazzi chatter] Morning, Selena.

[Gomez] Let me make a promise.

I’ll only tell you my darkest secrets.

December 19.

I have to stop living like this.

Why have I become so far from the light?

Everything I ever wished for, I’ve had and done all of it…

but it has killed me.

Because there’s always Selena.

-[reporters shouting] Selena! -[fans cheering]

[crowd screaming]

[TV reporter 1] Selena Gomez, the lead single, “Good For You,”

was a critical and commercial success.

[TV reporter 2] …recently dubbed the queen of the social networking app.

Hello, Howard.

[TV reporter 3] Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber

-have finally called it quits. -[TV reporter 4] Again?

Really? I don’t feel like a rock star.

-[Jimmy Fallon] And this album, Revival… -[audience cheering]

…people are saying that it– it’s going to be number one,

and the tour starts up soon, right? In May?

[Gomez] I’ll be touring in May.

Oh, I’m actually at the LA Sports Arena.

Um, we have two days till I leave and the tour starts.

I have my hair and makeup team with me, so we’re trying new things every day.

And we’re doing tests and figuring out what– You know,

what we’re going to do for the show. The identity of the show.

-[Gomez] Do we like this? -[chattering]

‘Cause you see through the mirror with the white?

I think it’s just the sequins. [chuckles]

Let me take– I’ll take a little bit from the center. Right.

They even have those little vagina things?

-[stylist 1] Okay. Yeah. -Maybe those flattened ones.

-I don’t know. Just got weird. -[stylist chuckles]

If I was a guy, I could wear jeans and just switch up my T-shirt

-and put a beanie on… -[laughing]

-…and nobody would care. -[dress zipping]

Actually, I think the breasts are good.

-I don’t know. -[designer] You like it?

-I do need a little breast. -So formal, “the breasts.”

[Gomez] It’s my vagina…

-[stylist 1] No, it’s not. It’s just– -…in every freaking costume.

-It’s not you… -It’s–

-…I’m just making fun of myself. -[stylist 2] Wait. Come and look here.

-[stylist 3] It’s not you, it’s my vagina. -Literally. It’s my vagina.

I wanna have the body to wear it proudly, and I want the booty that I don’t have.

-My body’s very young. -[fashion team member] Yeah.

-I don’t wanna be like, “Oh, wait.” -[crew chattering]

Making sure I look like a woman and not like a twelve-year-old boy.

[“Who Says” playing on piano]

♪ I wouldn’t wanna be anybody else ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You made me insecure ♪

♪ Told me I wasn’t good enough ♪

♪ But who are you to judge When you’re a diamond in the rough? ♪

♪ I’m sure you got some things You’d like to change about yourself ♪

♪ But when it comes to me I wouldn’t wanna be anybody else ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, Na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, Na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ I’m no beauty queen, I’m just beautiful me ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ And you’ve got every right To a beautiful life ♪

♪ Come on Who says? ♪

♪ Who says you’re not perfect? Who says you’re not worth it? ♪

♪ Who says You’re the only one that’s hurtin’? ♪

♪ Trust me That’s the price of beauty ♪

♪ Who says you’re not pretty? ♪

♪ Who says you’re not beautiful? ♪

♪ Who says? ♪

[vocalizes]

♪ The dress is too long ♪

♪ And I hate how it opens up ♪

It just sucks.

-[friend 1] What’s wrong? -All of it. It looks so bad.

[Gomez sobs] I’m just like–

I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. [sniffles]

-[friend 2] What part did you feel that? -Uh, from the beginning. [sniffles]

So I get the voice that comes in my head that says that you missed this.

That sucked. That suck.

Oh, you get a glimpse of yourself on the screen.

Wow, that looks pretty fucking shitty.

And then I’m sitting there and I trip over the co– clothes

and, like, this is just–

-Like, it sucks the life out of me… -[friend 2] Yeah.

…and I don’t want to perform. [sniffles]

The pressure is just overwhelming because I wanna do the best I can

and I– and I’m not– I don’t– [sniffles]

I don’t know what John thinks.

I wanna talk to John ‘cause I’m like– I don’t want to disappoint John.

I don’t want him to think that he signed some fucking Disney kid, like–

John was standing there, like,

-smiling ear to ear. -John was excited.

[friend 1] It is in your head.

It just sucks too, ‘cause, like, the whole song thing.

He called me this morning about the song with Justin,

-and I was like… -[friend 1] The DJ thing, hmm?

“Like, when am I gonna just be good enough by myself?”

-[manager] Just don’t worry about that. -Like, when am I gonna be– like–

When am I gonna be good just by myself?

Not needing anybody to be associated with.

-Like, it’s so fu– -[manager] You already are.

[friend 1] Hi, John.

-I’m so sorry. -[Janick] What are you sorry about?

I just, like, I-I don’t want you to ever regret signing me…

-What? -…or feeling like you need something–

-You were amazing. -We were both standing next to you.

The costume looked bad. Everything looked so bad.

You were amazing. I thought it was awesome.

Can I have a hug? I’ll give you a hug. [chuckles]

I thought you were amazing. It was so good.

-[friend 2] Really. -“Me and My Girls” was crazy. Like the–

[friend 1] That’s it. John was standing there like this. John was like–

I was rocking out to it. It was awesome.

[Gomez] Does it feel young?

-It doesn’t feel young. -[friend 2] No.

I do– I w-want nothing more than to not be my past.

And it comes back.

You’re your own worst enemy right now.

When you get all into your head and it’s, like, you can’t let it spiral you.

-Costumes can change. -[friend 1] Yeah.

Lights can change. Sets can change.

You wanna get rid of the stage, you can perform on the floor.

What people like and don’t like doesn’t matter. You have to like it.

You have to feel good about it. It’s your show.

Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s gonna be great.

-John, thank you. -It’s great seeing you.

-Sorry. Thank you. Sorry. -I’ll see you soon.

Thank you. No. It really is great.

Thank you.

-[sniffling] -[friend 1] Aw.

I’m sorry. [sobs]

It’s just too much.

[team member] They’re coming.

[crowd chattering]

-[Gomez] Theresa? -[assistant] Hey, girl.

-Did you bring my blood pressure machine? -Yeah. It’s right here.

[assistant] This is for your lupus, right?

Yep.

-Now do I press it? Just start? -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

-That’s good, right? -Perfect.

[assistant] How do you know?

So, 109 over 78 is really good.

The average, what you would probably have, is 120 over 78.

But when my blood pressure is high,

it’s usually 150, 145 to the bottom number being a hundred,

-which means I could have a stroke. -Whoa.

[assistant] Got it.

-So as long as it stays under 120– -Should we keep this in here for tour?

Like, in your little…

-I mean, maybe on the bus. -Okay.

It probably should be wherever we are, just in case.

[manager] We have a gift for you, and then we’re gonna leave you alone.

-[chuckling] -Can you start with this?

This is from me and Zack.

This is something we’ve collected for you, for tour.

[Gomez] What is this?

Every day, it’s a good luck charm word for that night

and that you’re going to be thinking of…

[Morgenroth] You put it on your makeup table.

…for you. And every show is a different one.

-That’s so kind. -[Gomez] Oh, my gosh.

-So, look at these. -[team member] So sweet.

It kind of made us cry.

Every day you’ll choose one.

-That is so beautiful. -Isn’t that cool?

-Thank you so much. -We love you so much.

[Keshishian] So, my question to you is,

do you feel like you have too many meet and greets?

They have about an hour and a half scheduled.

I don’t think it will take that long.

-What do you think? -Sometimes they milk it.

-It’s my birthday. -It is? Happy birthday.

-Thank you. -How old are you?

-I’m 13. -Oh, Mylanta.

I’ve been celebrating your birthday every year since I was three.

-My birthday? -I’ve had bi–

I have birthday parties, cakes, playlists, everything.

-You’re so sweet. Thank you. -[photographer] Can we get a picture?

-There we go. -So exci–

-[photographer] Three, two. -Yes. Let’s do it.

-So pretty. -[parent] Hey, don’t cry.

[photographer] Aw. Got it.

And can you put, “Bae number one,” right there?

-Okay. -[laughing]

[Gomez chuckles]

Yeah. I got, like, different girls.

-[laughs] -I’m a–

I could be number one?

-Yeah. -Yeah, okay.

-[chattering] -[piano playing]

[team member] These two have heard some really inappropriate things.

♪ …was Hallelujah Hallelu– ♪

Thank you guys so much for how hard all of you worked.

It means more to me than you can even imagine.

This is the most important tour I’ve ever done,

which is why I’ve been a mess every day, so that you know.

I hope we just go out there, inspire people, have so much fun.

And bless our feet, our hands, our instruments, everything.

Our lights, Baz, Melissa, everyone.

-I love you guys. In Jesus’s name. Amen. -[tour team] Amen!

[crowd cheering]

[“Me and the Rhythm” playing]

♪ Ooh, the heat’s a common ground ♪

♪ No matter what’s your history ♪

♪ Be free with me, oh ♪

♪ And everybody wants to be touched Everybody wants to get some ♪

♪ But don’t you play a song about love ♪

♪ When I move my body ♪

♪ I don’t have to talk about none ♪

♪ Let the chemicals do its stuff ♪

♪ Till the energy is too much ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Yeah, all I need ♪

♪ Is the rhythm, oh oh ♪

♪ Me and the rhythm ♪

♪ Oh oh, nothing between ♪

♪ Yeah, the rhythm, oh oh ♪

♪ Me and the rhythm, oh oh ♪

[crowd] ♪ Who said, who said? ♪

♪ Would you tell me who said that? ♪

♪ Yeah, who said? ♪

♪ Who says? Who says you’re not perfect? ♪

♪ Who says you’re not worth it? ♪

♪ Who says You’re the only one that’s hurtin’? ♪

♪ Trust me, that’s the price of beauty ♪

♪ Who says you’re not pretty? ♪

♪ Who says you’re not beautiful? ♪

[crowd, Gomez] ♪ Who says? ♪

-[crowd cheering] -Fuck.

-[shutters clicking] -[fan] Hey, Selena!

-We’re by Big Ben. What’s up? Whoo! -[laughing]

[“Me and My Girls” playing]

♪ Me and my girls, me and my girls ♪

♪ Me and my, me and my Me and my, me and my girls ♪

[mariachi music playing]

-[“Me and My Girls” continues] -[chattering]

[TV reporter 1] There were rumors that she had a drug problem–

[TV reporter 2] Selena parties too much. She’s outta control.

[crowd cheering]

Let’s go!

-[crowd clamoring] -[engine revving]

I am about to go onstage.

-Wish me luck. -[cheering]

[“Sober” playing]

♪ You don’t know how to love me When you’re sober ♪

♪ When the bottle’s done you pull me… ♪

[fan] Selena, I love you.

[paparazzo] Did Justin Bieber make you go to rehab?

[reporter] Justin has a new girlfriend.

[paparazzo 2] Are you jealous, Selena?

♪ I’m so sick of that same old love ♪

Selena. Did you go back to drinking?

-Selena. Where’s the alcohol? -Did you start drinking again?

-[Gomez] Sing it. -[clamoring]

[crowd] ♪ I’m so sick of that same old love ♪

♪ That shit, it tears me up ♪

-I was dying. -[team member] Yeah.

[Gomez] What am I missing? Like, what do I need?

[friend] Everyone was on their feet…

Guys, there’s too many people. I’m so sorry. Too many people.

-[friend] Stop analyzing. -[Gomez] No.

-[friend] Be happy. -I am happy.

I hate it. [groans]

[breathing deeply]

It’s just hard being a fucking girl

and being crazy already.

That’s another thing that pissed me off.

I’m doing the quick change,

then rip goes one sleeve, and then rip goes the other one,

and then all my entire bottom half ripped.

♪ Oh, that… ♪

[reporter] How are you feeling about Justin?

[reporter 2] Are you depressed?

-[reporter 3] Are you tired? -[reporter 4] She’s always tired.

[paparazzi clamoring]

Sometimes I– I wake up, and I don’t really feel like I have it in me.

[reporter] Selena is now on break,

dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.

[reporter 2] There were rumors that she had a drug problem.

[reporter 3] Letting the high life of celebrity and partying

get the best of her and her career.

[assistant] At one point, she’s like, “I don’t wanna be alive right now.

I don’t wanna live.”

And I’m like, “Wait. What?”

And it was one of those moments

where you look in her eyes and there’s nothing there.

It was just pitch black, and it’s so scary.

You’re like, “Okay, fuck this.

Like, this needs to end, like, we need to go home.”

We had to have a serious conversation with her of, like,

“What is going on?”

Her answer was also like, “I don’t know. I can’t explain it.

I wish you could feel what it feels like to be in my head.”

I just remember it being very chaotic and she was hearing all of these voices.

They just kept getting louder and louder and louder.

That triggered some sort of psychotic break.

Selena Gomez has been in dire straits, uh, for a couple of weeks now.

Last year, she was battling lupus, and the kidney transplant saved her life.

As a result of that,

she had a very low white blood cell count in the last week of September.

Purely a medical situation, but it turned into an emotional breakdown.

[reporter 2] She was trying to rip her IVs out.

And it was so bad, they ended up taking her to a psychiatric hospital.

We heard about her mental breakdown through TMZ.

They called me and wanted to know

what my daughter was doing in the hospital with a nervous breakdown.

She didn’t want anything to do with me,

and I was scared she was gonna die.

[Stevens] If anybody saw what I saw

and the state that she was in at the mental hospital,

they wouldn’t have recognized her at all.

And I was devastated

because psychosis can last from days, to weeks, to months,

to years, to life.

You hang on as tight as you can and try to help them with their treatment,

and that’s the hardest thing to do,

to then just go to bed and hope that they wake up the next day.

[Gomez] My thoughts take over my mind often.

It hurts when I think about my past.

I wanna know how to breathe again.

Do I love my own self?

How do I learn how to breathe my own breath?

[breathes deeply]

[Teefey] It’s a miracle she got out…

[voice breaking] …but there’s always that fear that that’s gonna happen again,

and it hurt us so much.

[Gomez] I found out I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

I’m gonna be honest,

I didn’t wanna go to a mental health hospital.

I didn’t want to,

but I didn’t want to be trapped in myself– In my mind anymore.

I thought my life was over. I was like, “This is how I’m gonna be forever.”

That’s why I say to people that I have the greatest friends and family,

especially my mom and my stepdad, Brian.

Because I shouldn’t have spoken to them the way that I did,

and I shouldn’t have treated them the way that I did sometimes. [sniffling]

And then they know it wasn’t me,

so then when I wake up the next day, they’re like–

[stammers] They tell me what happened, but they’re– They explain to me–

They’re like, “Look, we know that that’s not you talking,

and we’re really concerned, and– You know, just know that we love you.

We don’t see anything different from what was– Last night to now.”

But if I talk about it to them,

then I just say it over and over again, you know?

I say, “I’m so sorry.”

‘Cause I remember certain things that I did

and I was really so mean.

And so, like– Even to this day, I keep saying “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry,”

and everything that I do–

And they are always like, “Once we found out everything,

it made so much sense, Selena.

Like, you’re the best that you’ve ever been,

and we’re so happy that we can see that, and we never, ever would give up on you.”

And they haven’t when, in so many times, they probably should have.

[stammers] I’m in a better place, but…

[sighs] I don’t know.

I guess sometimes I can’t explain it, for sure.

[piano playing]

-[playing off-key] -No.

Totally lost.

When I first got out,

I didn’t know how I’d cope with my diagnosis.

What if it happened again?

What if the next time I didn’t come back?

I needed to keep learning about it.

I needed to take it day-by-day.

When I was a kid, I was terrified of thunderstorms.

I grew up in Texas,

and I was so scared that lightning and thunder would mean a tornado was coming.

But my mom gave me these books for kids

that explained storms and lightning and thunder,

and basically said, “The more you learn about it,

the less you’re going to be afraid of it.”

And it really helped.

[toddler Gomez] I love you.

-I love you. [kisses] -[chattering]

[Gomez] You know, my mom was always teaching me not to be scared of life.

-She’s such a powerful spirit. -[Teefey] Your nose? Did you hit the door?

[Gomez] She was so young, still in school,

and eventually tried every job you could possibly imagine.

[Teefey] Kiddo.

She said, “This is what we’re going through, but I’m not gonna stop.

I’m not gonna give up. I’m gonna make my life better than this.”

[Teefey] Oh, here’s one. “Stay at home. $145 a day.

Processing mail for local company in your area.”

-Yeah. Hey, I could do that. -[babbles]

[Gomez] You know, my mom–

She had me when she was still in high school.

[babbling]

Daddy?

[Gomez] My parents were separated when I was five.

My grandparents, my nana and papa, would look after me when my mom worked.

…that song you were singing about grandpa?

[singing indistinctly]

[singing, babbling]

[toddler Gomez] Hi, Daddy.

[Gomez] I can’t imagine the pressure for my dad.

I see.

[Gomez] He has a lot of regrets,

and he would be like, “I’m sorry, mi hija. I just–

I don’t know how to talk to you.” [sniffles]

But he made me feel

like I was the, like, prettiest young girl.

Like I could do anything, and no one was worthy, and, like– [sniffles]

So, I miss him a lot…

but he knows that, so…

Take a picture of her, and you’re gonna take a picture of us, okay?

-[Teefey] Well, get over there. -Hold on, I’m coming.

I’m gonna take a picture.

[both] Friends forever.

[Teefey] Is that all y’all have got to say?

Okay. [whispering]

[Gomez] Priscilla is my cousin,

probably the closest person to me in the world, except for my mom.

We did everything together.

[both chattering, laughing]

To this day, she’s my life. She’s my blood.

Actually we never did. So, we never went back to those.

-[Teefey] Where are we going? -Just don’t–

-Chicken Express, to get sweet tea. -[Teefey] Okay.

[Cosme] If you like rolls, there’s rolls.

No, we’re– [chuckles] I just wanted sweet tea.

-[Gomez] Wait, we’re gonna do three. -[Cosme] Three, uh, large sweet teas–

-Extra ice in one of them. -[Gomez] Please, sir?

[attendant] No problem.

-You can’t talk over me like that. -Well, you didn’t say “please.”

I was getting there.

[Gomez] Every time I’ve come home,

I’ve always just gone to the places that I remember.

It’s because I don’t want to lose that part of me.

[doorbell rings]

[friend] Do you even go here?

-[doorbell rings] -[receptionist through speaker] Beep!

-[receptionist chattering] -Hi–

I need to see your driver’s license if you’re coming in the building, please.

-A driver’s license? -Yeah.

-Okay. -[friend] Here. Grab one.

-For everybody that’s out there. -Oh.

[chuckles] I don’t have one.

Okay, never mind. [stammers] I used to go here when I was younger.

Um, my name is Selena, so I didn’t mean to bother you, but thank you.

-You’re welcome. -Bye.

Okay, bye.

[friend] She does.

[registrar] Do you…

Who all has a driver’s license?

-Everybody. -[friend] We have one.

-[Mingus] She used to go here– -I used to come here

-and I wanted to see– -[registrar] No worries.

[Mingus] Are you a teacher here?

-[stutters] I’m the registrar. -Oh, got it.

Except– Yeah, I work in the office.

[office aides clamoring]

[Gomez] Hi, guys.

Everybody calm down.

You’re office aides? How old are you guys?

[all] Thirteen.

[Gomez] That’s so nice. Do you know I went to school here?

-[all] Yes. -[Gomez] You do?

Okay. So I only had a crush on Dylan Alvarado, um–

Sammy in elementary.

Okay. Elementary was Sammy Rodriguez.

-Then it was Dylan Alvarado, Keith Maupin… -Keith.

Eli was in there somewhere.

Hmm. No, not necessarily. Really?

-Yes. -Okay.

And then Matthew from Danny Jones.

That’s it.

Not one of them liked me back.

-But again, like I said, they regret it. -Yeah, I was just saying. [chuckles]

[Cosme] She was, I would say, like, an outcast, growing up, you know?

Like, in school, she didn’t really talk to many people.

She had, like, her– You know, little two or three friends,

but not a lot of boyfriends, if you know what I mean. [chuckles]

And so I would go in there to get my food,

and I would sit, like, right here, at a long table.

-But it was usually by myself. -[friend] No–

[students greeting]

-Hi. My name is– My name is Selena. -[student] I saw you earlier.

Whatever you think you can’t do,

just know that there’s no one that’s gonna tell you no but yourself.

You have to continue to do what you wanna do.

-Now that is inspirational. -So– Oh, I’m–

-Yeah? -Great. Great.

-[students clapping] -So, kick ass, or– Oh, I’m sorry.

-[laughing, clamoring] -You gotta stay after school.

Hello, students at Danny Jones Middle School.

This is Selena Gomez talking to you.

Thank you for letting me disrupt your classes.

And just– just a reminder, your teachers aren’t that bad.

You just gotta do the hard work. [chuckles]

You have to hug him. He’s gonna cry.

-[student 1] Can I have an autograph? -He’s such a big fan.

[student 2] Oh, my God!

You’re welcome.

-Can I have a hug, too? -[student 3] Can I have a hug?

[students clamoring]

-[Gomez] This is where… -[Mingus] I really don’t know.

…I grew up.

That’s my house.

-[Mingus] It is? -[Gomez] Yeah.

[Mingus] I bet your handprints are still there.

This spot right here–

Poor neighbors, ‘cause some guy would do drug deals, like, right there,

and we would watch through those windows ‘cause we weren’t allowed outside.

-I felt bad for those neighbors… -[Cosme] Yeah.

…‘cause he would pull up his car, it was an old car,

there was a trunk, and… [clicks tongue]

-This was the same door. -Oh.

Hi.

-[homeowner] Hi. [chuckles] -Hi, my name is Selena.

-How are you? -How are you?

-[homeowner] Good, good. Come on in. -Do you mind?

-[homeowner] No. Please. -Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, this is where I used to, um,

-descale fish, right here. -[Mingus] Descale fish.

[Gomez] Yes.

[Teefey] Selena, what’s he doing?

He’s just cutting his blood out.

-So this is my bedroom. -[homeowner] It’s kinda messy, though.

Do you mind if I see if I still have my drawings from this closet?

Oh, they took it out.

-[Cosme] It’s gone? -Yeah.

I used to have, like– I had a crush on Cole and Dylan Sprouse,

so I’d come in my closet, and I would write things down.

-[Cosme] No. -Thank you.

-There’s writing on this one. -Really?

I guess you were really in love with Cole.

-[Cosme, homeowner chuckle] -Oh, my gosh! Stop this. [gasps]

I mean– I’m sorry, Cole, if you ever see this.

[Cosme] I would, like, straddle…

-Um, Christiana? -Yeah?

This right here– My nana can show you the photo.

She’s taking a photo. I’m looking at myself in the mirror.

And that’s when I found out I booked Barney.

-[Christiana] Oh, my God. -[Cosme] You were on the phone.

And there’s a picture of me in here.

Everything looks wonderful, Barney.

♪ She’ll be coming round… ♪

[Gomez] I was seven years old when I got my first job.

I was proud because I got to go escape my life and be in Barney Land,

and just play and sing.

I don’t know, I just fell in love with these escape things.

Then I never stopped. I just kept going.

And then when I hit around 11 and I moved to Los Angeles,

I just wanted to work. I loved my job.

But eventually, after doing this for so long,

I started to feel vain.

It made me feel lonely somehow.

And then when I started touring, it just got worse.

After I got out of the last treatment center,

I knew what made me happy was connection.

This is Joyce.

Priscilla, are we sure?

[Cosme] Yeah. You want me to ask my grandma?

She had this beautiful doll house that I wanted so bad.

[Cosme] Is that why you put poop on her front porch?

-Stop. That was Charlie. -[laughs]

They would always pick on her.

Hi.

-Hi, I’m Selena. -Yes?

I used to come here when Joyce– Joyce lived here.

-Selena Gomez? -Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. [laughs]

Is she here?

Yeah. She’s, uh– Why don’t you come on in?

-Are you sure? -Yes.

Okay.

Do y’all still have that…

-[Cosme] The doll house? -Don’t– Don’t let anyone else in.

-[Gomez gasps] -[Joyce] How are you?

-Oh, my gosh. Hi. Don’t move. -[Joyce’s husband] Thank you.

-[Joyce] I got to move. -[Cosme] There’s the doll house, Selena.

Hi– Is that the– That’s the dollhouse! Don’t– Don’t get up.

[Joyce] I can’t get up, baby.

-[Gomez] It’s okay. -How do you like my bald head?

Yeah, well, you look great.

Got past that, but, see, I broke my ankle twice this year.

-I– I can’t get up. -Yeah, what’s been going on?

W-Well, not much.

Hmm. I’m sorry.

I broke a toe.

So how’s your health now?

[Gomez] My health is goo– Is doing good. My lupus is in remission.

-Good. -And I’m very happy about that.

I got a kidney transplant two years ago,

and so far everything’s going good with that.

-Well, good. -Yeah,

-I just take my medication every day. -You know, lupus is cousin to MS.

Really? I did not know that.

A lot of the symptoms are alike. It’s autoimmune– An autoimmune disease.

-Yeah? -What do you remember about me?

I remember– [sighs] I remember when we’d come over here,

and me and Charlie would give you a hard time.

Okay. [chuckles] Here’s the self-testimony here.

Yes, it is. And I apologize f–

You don’t remember anything else about it?

No, I do. You would let us come in,

we’d have cookies, and I get to go right there, and–

That’s what I was waiting for you to say my cookies.

-Oh, I remember. We’d play with that. -Cookie lady.

-I think it was over here last time. -It was.

That’s right.

-[Joyce chattering] -[Gomez chuckles]

Oh, my gosh. I was obsessed with this, Joyce.

-Well, it was good to see you. -[Joyce] I’m just so thrilled that you–

I once asked Debbie if you’d come and see me sometime.

-And I’m glad I did. -You did.

-Mm-hmm. -I didn’t have to ask.

Nope.

[Joyce] You’re sick too.

[Gomez] Oh, it’s okay. We all get through.

-Thank you so much. -I hope you have a great day.

-I’ll be praying for you. -Okay, thank you.

[Cosme] Bye, Joyce.

-Bye, Selena. -[Gomez] Bye. Thank you so much.

-[cameraperson] Thank you. -[Gomez] It was good to see you.

[cameraperson] Thank you, guys.

[Joyce chattering]

[Gomez laughs] I will.

[sighs]

When I got my lupus, it was really scary.

Then I got out of it and I said,

“I can go and visit these people, because I’ve had this.”

Hi, baby.

And then I had the transplant, and we did a lot of work.

And then when it started into mental health,

and the same thing I said to myself is, “Now I can relate to these people.”

-I think things happen for a reason. -All right. Bye, guys.

[Gomez] Just be who you are, Selena.

Just stop trying.

No one cares about what you’re doing.

It’s about who I am. Being okay with where I am.

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful for my friends.

I am grateful to be alive.

I’m just gonna add three more paragraphs that I wrote.

“I think we are better when we tell the truth,

-so again, and I’m telling my truth.” -[Wright] Yeah.

“I was suffering mentally and emotionally,

and I wasn’t able to stay all buttoned up and together.

I felt as though all of my pain, anxiety, fear washed over me all at once,

and it was one of the scariest moments of my life.

It was the day that– that I found out I was bipolar.”

[Wright] No one thinks that you need to say you’re bipolar.

You’re 27 years old

and you have a lifetime to tell the world that exact thing,

unless you are determined that now’s the time that you want it out.

-Okay. -No one’s– No one’s against it.

It’s just that that becomes the narrative, right there.

And I’m sure that means, like– What?

Like, certain people or directors or something may not wanna work with me?

But then why would I wanna work with them anyway?

-[Marino] True. Whatever you think. -I think I’m gonna say it.

-[Marino] Yeah. -I’m gonna say it. It’s fine.

-And that’s it. -[Wright] It’ll say– Yeah.

[radio host] Selena Gomez talking candidly

-about her struggle– -[radio host 2] …the star shining a light

on her personal battle with depression and anxiety,

and the journey that she says left her…

[groans] Do I have 20 minutes?

-[cameraperson] Are you feeling nerves? -[groans] I don’t feel good.

[Wright] Is it nerves?

[Gomez] I don’t feel good, you guys, like, at all.

-[friend] Is she hungry? -[Gomez] Very uncomfortable.

-[Wright] What? -What happened?

Or nerves.

Makes sense.

What did it do?

-It makes you feel sick. -It burns.

Yeah.

Hi, Raquelle.

[Stevens] Hello, Selena.

[Wright] Raquelle, this is so cute. This is a whole one-piece outfit, or two?

[Stevens] No. It’s– It’s so crazy…

[audience clapping]

[host] It is with great pleasure that I welcome you

to the McLean Psychiatric Hospital annual dinner.

Hi, guys. Um, I’m very happy to be here,

and I might be a little awkward, so I’m sorry. [chuckles]

Um, yeah. I started when, um– I started working when I was seven,

and I quickly learned how to play the part.

I have juggled work and school and relationships

for as long as I can remember.

As great as life was, underneath all of it, I was struggling.

Last year, I was, um– I was suffering m-mentally and emotionally,

and I wasn’t able to stay all buttoned-up and together.

I sought support,

and the doctors were able to give me a clear diagnosis.

The moment that I received that information,

I finally had the knowledge of why I had suffered for so many years

with depression and anxiety.

So I began to face it head-on,

as my mother had taught me to face my fears and challenges when I was younger.

I am happier, I am healthier,

and I am in control of my emotions and thoughts more than I have ever been.

-So, I’m very happy about that. Thanks. -[crowd applauding]

[chuckles]

It actually feels good to say it, because I mean it, you know?

Like, for so many years, I feel, like, maybe I needed to say that,

but it feels really great to be able to actually mean it this time.

Um, I also struggle with my own thoughts and feelings at times,

but this doesn’t make me faulty.

This does not make me weak.

This does not make me less than.

This makes me human.

That was my life and the fact that you brought light to it–

If it wasn’t for someone that was able to put the word out there,

it wouldn’t make change happen.

From the bottom of my heart, your courage is amazing,

and I– I think that you are saving lives. I know that you’re saving lives,

-so thank you for the work that you do. -Wow, I just hope I’m a part of–

I just hope I’m a part of the conversation, you know?

Absolutely, thank you. It’s such an honor.

You guys are the ones that save the lives, but as much as I can use what I do,

-I’m more than happy to be here. -Thank you.

Even just for you to, like, speak publicly about your experience with mental health,

-depression, and anxiety– -Yeah.

Me, myself, I attempted almost three years ago in October,

and I remember just– Oh, thank you. [chuckles]

[Gomez] Being honest that night helped.

I texted Julia Michaels and Justin Tranter

and said, “I think I’m ready to just say I’m sad.”

We wrote the song in 45 minutes. The fastest song I’ve ever written.

It’s about more than just a lost love. It’s me learning to choose myself.

To choose life.

[“Lose You to Love Me” playing on piano]

But also hoping that people can find grace and peace in that too.

♪ You promised the world And I fell for it ♪

♪ I put you first and you adored it ♪

-[crying] Daddy. -♪ Set fires to my forest ♪

♪ And you let it burn Sang off-key in my chorus ♪

♪ ‘Cause it wasn’t yours ♪

♪ I saw the signs and I ignored it ♪

-[song continues] -The song is about knowing

that you completely lost every part of who you are.

♪ Set fire to my purpose ♪

Just to rediscover yourself again.

♪ You got off on the hurtin’ When it wasn’t yours, yeah ♪

[reporters clamoring]

[reporter] Are you still in love with Justin?

[Gomez] Everything was so public.

[paparazzo] Selena, any comment on Bieber’s engagement?

[paparazzo 2] What’s your favorite thing about Bieber?

Can I go to the– Get food, please? Can you not– Wanna go get food.

I felt haunted by a past relationship that no one wanted to let go of.

But then I just moved past it.

And I wasn’t afraid anymore.

-Thank you, everybody. Bye, guys! -[crew member] All right guys. So um,

-that is a camera wrap. -Thank you.

[clamoring]

It says, “Selena Gomez is now projected

to debut inside the top 20 of Billboard Hot 100.

This will make her and Adele the only females in history

-to have the biggest ballad debut.” -[Mingus] Yes.

-[Stevens] Yeah. -I wanna cry.

[fans shouting]

-Was it one of your biggest songs ever? -Yeah, it was.

-It is your biggest song ever, right? -[crowd cheering]

[Gomez] I wanted to be as honest as I could,

and I think that I’m very lucky to be in a position

where I can make people feel good.

I feel like I had to go through the worst possible heartbreak ever,

and then just forgetting everything at the drop of the hand.

It was– It was really confusing, but I just think that needed to happen.

And ultimately it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Janick] And ultimately, so, your message is–

You didn’t hear me say it was the best thing that happened to me.

-[Janick] Sorry. -You just started talking.

-I can’t say it anymore. -[Janick] One more time.

No.

All right. What do you wanna ask me?

[Janick] I just– Was it the best thing that ever happened to you?

[laughs]

It was the best thing that ever happened to me, yes.

So, when do you want an album out?

-January. -[Janick] Okay, cool.

I just need to know if you have to leave,

-or issues, or it– -I have to go to Kenya and London.

-Okay. -[chuckles]

It’s gonna be a fun six weeks.

Do you want to, um, perform at the AMAs this year?

Yeah.

And, um, okay.

-So if we do want to do that… -I do.

-…we’ll get into that right now. -Perfect.

-Okay. -[sighs] My stomach.

-[Morgenroth] Are you hungry? -No.

-[Morgenroth] You all right? -Yeah, I think it’s nerves.

It’s also chilly. Do you want a sweater?

-I’m hot as hell. -You are? Okay.

-Well, then you’re in the right room. -Yeah.

-It feels like the Amazon. -It’s like an igloo.

It is an igloo in here.

-Y’all are gonna kill me, but… -So, let’s start over.

-Y’all are gonna kill me, but I gotta go. -Okay.

-I just feel– Yeah. Oh. -You all right? Sorry.

[Morgenroth] I think it’s the stress of this meeting.

[tour member] Mmm, I think so.

-[tour member 2] Me too. -Okay.

[tour member 3 chuckles] Yeah.

[Gomez] I hadn’t been onstage in over two years,

and I still didn’t know if I was ready.

But what good is having a song if I was too scared to sing it?

After the AMAs, I was going straight to Kenya.

For years, my doctors hadn’t let me go because of my kidney transplant,

but I was finally ready.

So, Raquelle and I were going to visit students at a primary school,

and a college for young women.

Both schools that I helped raise the money to build in Kenya for the WE Charity.

I knew it would be a lot,

but it was my only chance to go before my album came out.

[shouts]

-That’s it. That’s it. -Is it done?

-That’s it, yeah. Well done. -[gasps]

-Okay. -[nurse] Take a deep breath in, and out.

[nurse chuckles]

[Stevens] Ow! Hi, babe!

-[Gomez] Did you do it? -Yeah.

-Good job. -I’m just laying down.

Are you in pain?

Yeah, my arm feels weak.

Oh, Mylanta.

-Now you know what I went through. -I know. You went through more than me.

I was gonna say, “Actually, no, you don’t.”

[chuckles]

-I’m proud of you, though. -Thank you.

[reporter] Selena Gomez’s highly anticipated comeback on the AMA stage.

This is her first performance

in over two years,

post all the Bieber drama and a short break from the biz.

♪ I saw the signs and I ignored it ♪

♪ Rose-colored glasses all distorted ♪

♪ Set fire to my– ♪

[groans]

[coach] The pitch is– The pitch is the nerves.

So if you just let the muscle memory happen,

you get out of your way, it’s gonna just float up.

I need you to trust yourself.

Sel, we’re gonna sing something else right now.

-This one we need to sing. -Okay.

Hit it.

-Crank it! -This isn’t my song.

I don’t even remember all of this one.

Who cares? Just sing what you know.

[Lauren Daigle, Gomez] ♪ I keep fighting voices in my mind ♪

♪ That say I’m not enough ♪

Come on!

♪ Every single lie that tells me ♪

♪ I will never measure up ♪

[sighs]

Jesus help me.

[crowd clamoring]

[“Lose You To Love Me” playing]

♪ You promised the world And I fell for it ♪

♪ I put you first and you adored it ♪

♪ Set fire to my forest ♪

♪ And I let it burn Sang off-key in my chorus ♪

♪ ‘Cause it wasn’t yours ♪

[reporter 1] Selena Gomez suffered a panic attack before…

[reporter 2] Many accused her of being off-key…

[reporter 3] Gomez, who didn’t learn how to sing

after her 10-year-old career, and gets millions for it.

[reporter 4] …in four years. But anxiety, it doesn’t just disappear.

In fact, she says that her lupus amplifies her anxiety.

[Teefey] Hi. She’s up.

-[Stevens] Hi. -[Gomez] Hi.

[Stevens] Aw. How’s it going?

[friend] Hey, Sir Winnie. [kissing]

I got you some soup and that, um… [speaks indistinctly] …thing,

and a ham and cheese.

[Mingus] Aleen asked me, when you do London promo, after Kenya,

you’re there for, like, three days.

And she asked if you can do– If you wanna do Paris for a day and then home.

-Are you coming with me, Raquelle? -[Stevens] Yeah.

Okay.

[Mingus] Yeah? You don’t think that’s too much?

Mmm, no, but I also don’t wanna rush it.

I haven’t done promo in years.

It’s my least favorite thing in the world to do.

[Stevens] But I feel like it’s gonna be great,

because you’re excited about what you’re putting out…

-[Gomez] Mmm. -…and it’s so true to you.

I don’t wanna talk about work anymore.

-[Stevens] Okay. -Let’s put on a movie.

I need a break.

[friend] From everything?

Mm-mmm, no. I have a lot of work to do.

Hunter, do you wanna maybe walk and go in first in–

[Janick] I know you don’t pay attention to your calendar, but you’re going to Africa.

Yeah, ‘cause I’m going to Kenya first,

and then I’m gonna go straight to London, and Paris for promo.

Okay. You feel okay about trying to get everything done

-for the next month? -Mm-hmm. Yeah.

-Okay. -Not worried.

[Janick] Then it’s just the video, the campaign, the song.

Mm-hmm.

-[airport official] No computers in your– -No. Do we take our shoes off?

-[airport official] Yes. -Yeah.

Let’s go. Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

-Whoo! -Thank you.

Welcome.

-We also say it’s a blessing. -What?

When it rains, we say it’s a blessing.

-It’s a blessing? -Yeah.

When it rains here, it’s considered a blessing.

-[Stevens] Oh, I love that. -Ooh! Whoa! [chuckles]

[guide] Take this. We can put this on now. Are you okay with the camera?

-It’s okay. -[guide] It’s fine– It’s okay?

-Hello, everyone. -[student] Hello.

-Hi, what’s your name? -Aneesia.

-Aneesia? I’m Selena, nice to meet you. -Yeah.

Hello. My name is Selena. Um, I have come here with WE,

and I want to honor your– your drive for education.

So, I’m– I’m very happy to be here.

[Aneesia] So, which grade did you reach, actually? Did you finish grade 12?

-Uh, I finished eighth grade… -Mm-hmm.

…and then for nine, ten, 11, 12, I had to do school on set.

To– Like, five hours and then I could work, so…

Mm-hmm. Wow.

Well, it was– it was interesting, you know?

To be homeschooled by a computer. It’s not real…

[student] Wow.

…but it was– it was great for me. It worked, you know?

[Aneesia] Late last year, we had a talent group,

and we were singing, like, your song. Like…

♪ Who says you’re not perfect ♪

-[laughing] -[Gomez] Oh, that’s my song!

-That’s one of my favorite songs. -[student] ♪ Who says, who says ♪

[all] ♪ Who says you’re not perfect? Who says you’re not worth it? ♪

♪ Who says you’re the only one That’s hurtin’? ♪

[Gomez] I was really shy in school,

so I would usually just hang out with two friends.

And, um, my cousin was, like, the captain of the cheerleading team,

and so nobody would pick on me because of my cousin.

My cousin, like, controls everything. Um…

[Stevens] Hmm, okay.

For me, I grew up in a family of eight, like my mom and dad have eight kids.

My mom told me that they want me to be married off,

but, at some point, they said that,

“Since you got a school where you got a scholarship to go and learn,

there’s no need for us.”

For them, they don’t pay any fee.

So they told me I’m not going to be married off.

-[Stevens] That’s very interesting. -Do you believe in love?

[student chuckles] In love?

Do you believe in love?

[students laughing]

-‘Cause I know you love each other. -[students] Yeah.

[chuckles] Love is just a gift.

-[student] Yeah. -[Stevens] Yeah.

Is it something that you look forward to, or you just think–

-You focus on what you do… -[Aneesia] For me–

-…and then it comes. Right? -[Aneesia] Yeah.

Or, like, having a boyfriend or such.

So, for me, uh, I will get one when I’m done with my high school.

[clicks tongue] Love it.

Because I– I don’t want to split my mind.

So, I want to concentrate first here.

Just when the house is being built,

you cannot start building by the roof.

-You start by the foundation. -[clamoring]

So, I don’t have the foundation,

so till I’m done with form four…

then after that, I can now think about that.

[Stevens chuckles] I love that.

That’s really well said.

[speaking Swahili]

[Stevens] Mmm.

[speaking Swahili]

-My name? Selena. -Selena?

-Yeah. -Selena.

-What’s your name? -Uh, Diana.

-Diana? -Mmm.

-Beautiful. -[chuckles] Mmm.

[Stevens] Raquelle.

-Oh yes. She says, “I have a son.” -Oh! Right! Your son– He’s old. Okay.

Do you think he’d like me?

How old’s he?

-[beader] He’s like, 20, 21 years old. -[Stevens] Okay!

-[Gomez] That works. -That might be better,

maybe more for Selena. We’re both 27. Selena likes younger guys. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. What? Raquelle!

I have, in the past.

I’m a little worried my lupus is flaring up.

-Here, will you open this, please? -[Stevens] Mm-hmm.

My hands are still so messed up.

[Stevens] Shaky?

No, they’re– They hurt.

-So, every time I do this, they hurt. -[Stevens] Why?

I don’t know. I went to the doctor and he said he didn’t see any swollen.

Said the only way that, you know, we could find out is if I did, like, a–

-Thank you. -Mm-hmm.

-I had to do a CAT scan or whatever? MRI. -Oh, yeah.

-I think I might when I get back. -Mm-hmm.

My name is Betty Chep, and I’m a student here taking nursing.

When you’re checking your blood pressure, which average…

[Chep] Being a nurse, you’re there with people

when they feel so bad, and support them.

So I felt that’s the best thing that I can do in life.

My dad was my role model.

And he really taught me that…

In this life, you have to show people empathy,

have a chance to give people more than what you receive.

Yeah.

I believe in God.

I always tell myself that no matter what people think about me,

and what God has planned for me in my life,

that is what I will achieve in life. Yeah.

-That’s amazing. -Yeah.

-I believe in God as well. -Wow.

[Chep] I was born in a middle-class family.

But unfortunately, when I was in grade ten,

my dad passed in a road accident.

My mom was not able to raise school fees for me to go to the campus.

So I had to stay home six years.

Just fetching firewood, collecting water, and doing some home chores.

So in those six years, I felt so terrible,

because I felt that I was becoming a burden to my mom and everybody.

So I felt so discouraged and so hopeless.

So I went to the river, and then I felt that…

“Let me just drown myself into this river.

End it here, so that…

I will never see my mother suffer,

I will never see my sisters and my siblings…

Just let me end this.”

And I sat there for some time, and I thought…

“If I end my life now, and I’m the firstborn in my family…

what example will I have shown to my family?”

-Wow. -So I woke up,

took the water, and went home.

After two weeks…

I was called for an interview here at the WE College.

-Wow. -[Chep] Just a miracle.

But look at me now. I’m a role model in my community.

[both] You are.

Some people call me and tell me to talk– to speak to the girls…

and I usually tell them, even if it means doing what you do daily…

Continue doing it, and a miracle will come ahead of you.

-Yeah. -[Chep] Yeah.

That takes so much courage, to think about wanting to end your life.

And understanding that that’s not what you are meant to do.

-Yes. -[Gomez] All by yourself.

And I really relate to that. So when you say that,

I know that feeling where you’re about to do something

-to hurt yourself. -[Chep] Yeah.

And I’m so happy to know you. [chuckles]

It’s an honor for me to know you too. [chuckles]

[chuckles, sniffles]

[thunder rumbling]

[shouting]

Oh. Raquelle! Come on.

[shouts]

[Gomez] One of my, like, goals in life–

I’ve, like, had this in my mind for seven years, um,

-is to create a bill… -Yeah. Oh, wow.

…where it is required to have a therapy, sort of, class

in elementary school on to high school.

I just think, you know, when you’re a kid and you’re in kindergarten,

they ask you, like, how you’re feeling.

There’s, like, a smiley face or sad face, and they’re learning emotions,

and that’s amazing, but then why would we not continue to talk about that?

-Feelings only get more complicated… -Yes.

-…and i-it’s– it gets harder to navigate. -Mm-hmm.

-[host] Can I ask a very odd question? -[Gomez] Yeah.

-What’s holding you back from doing it? -It’s ready to go.

Um, that I’m not able to. That I’m not capable.

[charity member] Mmm.

You know, I’m not good enough.

[charity member] Mmm.

I don’t know. That’s something that I’ve felt a lot of growing up.

-[charity member] Mm-hmm. Yeah. -[Gomez] Mmm.

But it’s the very thing that makes you feel that,

is why you can relate to others.

So it’s the exact reason why you are the perfect person.

[Gomez] The truth is, I’ve never felt good enough.

Even when I’m on stage and in front of a crowd,

I’ll always find the one person who doesn’t like me, and I believe them.

I wanna believe in myself.

The people I’ve met here in Kenya are so giving.

I just want to feel like I deserve to be here with them.

[cowbell ringing]

[Stevens] We can talk more later.

-About what? -About all this.

-About what? Oh, I know. [sniffs] -I know you’re feeling sad.

We should do a trip quarterly.

Like, we should plan this, like, every quarter.

We also need to talk about, like, why you hate going home so much,

why you don’t wanna turn on your phone. Like, that’s–

You shouldn’t feel that way.

Do you know what I mean? So it’s like, what can you implement in your life

that makes you not anxious to turn on your phone,

that makes you not sad to go home, that makes you not hate your job.

-Do you know what I’m saying? -Mmm.

It’s like, what– ‘Cause– ‘Cause you can implement things in your life

that help you get through that.

You don’t have to live your life constantly in that state.

In a way, that’s just escaping r-reality. Do you know what I mean? It’s like–

Or is this reality?

This isn’t reality. This is their reality. This is–

This can be reality a few times a year.

You can come and volunteer and come for a week,

but this is– this isn’t reality.

♪ I just wanna stay here forever ♪

♪ I don’t wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I just wanna stay here forever ♪

♪ I don’t wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I just wanna stay here forever ♪

♪ I don’t wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I just wanna stay here forever ♪

♪ I don’t wanna close my eyes ♪

[cheering]

[clamoring]

[horn honking]

-[Gomez] Who is that? -[crew member] The paparazzi’s blocking.

[Keshishian] Oh, my God. That’s a paparazzi carpool.

[crew member] Yeah, they’re teaming up.

It’s very loud here, Chris.

[Chris] I know.

I do feel, like, a bit of a culture shock.

[Chris] I know.

-[Mingus] Selena? Good morning. -Mm-hmm.

[Gomez] Hey.

It’s 7:00. Glam’s gonna start in a half hour.

[Stevens] Selly?

Oh no, I just had a bad dream.

Do you know, I didn’t have one bad dream in Kenya?

-[friend] I know, and then– -She didn’t have bad dreams in Kenya.

[Gomez] What was I saying?

I only heard a few things ‘cause you were, like, mumbling,

but, like, the one thing was, like, “I got coffee for everyone!”

-And I was like, “Oh, wow!” -She said that?

[friend laughs] And then she was like…

[Stevens] Doing stuff like today,

it allows you the platform to really be able to do trips like that

-and make a difference, you know? -Mmm.

So even though this kind of stuff’s hard, it-it, you know…

Can you order some Thai? That Thai dish?

[Stevens] You want Thai right now? 7:00 a.m.?

-Yep. -Let’s make it happen.

In the studio, it is the one, the only, the absolute queen…

-Aw. -…that is Selena Gomez!

[cheering]

-[host] So, your album’s coming out. -Yeah.

You had a break from music.

What did you get up to on your– on your time off, on your break away?

Some stuff happened in between that was a bit personal and hard,

and, um, then towards the end, it was– it was necessary.

Hello, everyone. I am Selena Gomez,

and I am answering questions from the Internet.

“Selena Gomez eats Oreos with a fork.”

Um, these are just great. I’m doing great things for the world.

Which interview number is this of the day?

Four.

-[Green] Four? -[Maskell] Four already?

-[clamoring] -[Barr] Selena, your single

makes me really emotional, and I want to give you a hug

and wrap you in a blanket and just talk about boys forever.

I think the point of the song is so that I really

don’t need to sit around and talk about boys.

[paparazzo] Selena, for your fans!

Hey, it’s Selena Gomez, and I’m playing the Emoji Game.

But have you got a guilty-pleasure weird food combination?

Popcorn and pickle juice.

[interviewer] What is your favorite color?

My favorite color is red.

Wizards of Waverly Place.

-[Gomez laughs] -Stop.

So it’s one DJ equals one word.

“Marshmello.”

-Fluffy. -Okay. And that’s it. Thank you.

-[cameraman] Thank you. -Thanks.

Oh. Okay, sorry.

[sighs]

[crew member] Those were some weird-ass questions.

[crew members chuckling]

It just seems like such a waste of time.

What am I doing right now?

[friend] Right now, we’re getting up, and then glam is coming in ten minutes.

Sorry, I was asleep. What do I have to do?

-[gulps, laughs] -[scoffs]

The feelings that you feel when you’re jet-lagged–

You never feel them any other time.

-[hair stylist] What is that? -[Marino] Like, combination of all things.

-[hair stylist] It’s not even tired. -[Marino] I know.

[hair stylist] You feel like you are just in another world.

-[Marino] Like, in space. -[hair stylist] Yeah.

[nail technician] Okay, put in.

[beeps]

[sirens wailing]

There’s my ride.

[crew members laughing]

[Stevens] You know we have Marissa’s birthday dinner the night we get back?

[Gomez] The night we get back? No. I’d rather do what I’m doing.

I’m not going to that. I have to do– shoot a music video the next day.

Nice.

-I mean, it’s a lot. -It’ll be good.

No, it is good, but you’re gonna be kind of messed up for a few days.

Yeah, totally. Just thought you would wanna come,

-but that’s just– Mmm. -I would,

-but I’m not gonna have one day to adjust. -Okay.

Do you think that I’m complaining about my job?

Yeah. You felt– You sounded like you were. [clears throat]

Not at all. Raquelle, I was saying I need to get rest.

-Not like it’s a bad thing. Of course I– -[clears throat] No, it’s not a bad thing.

It was the way you said it. Not what you said.

So I was not complaining about work.

I was literally just complaining that it’d be nice if I get more sleep.

[clears throat]

[Gomez sighs]

-You think I’m ungrateful for it– -No, I don’t think you’re ungrateful.

I just feel like you’ve been so ups– like, down, over the past couple days,

so I just– I’m trying to figure out what’s going on.

But we had the most amazing week in Africa–

I know.

I’m just waking up.

You’ve heard me tell everybody how much I love London.

What else do you want from me?

Nothing.

[clears throat]

I just was asking, “Are you good?” ‘Cause you don’t seem happy.

I’m having fun.

Good. I’m so happy you’re having fun.

Like, it doesn’t seem like it to me, so I was just asking you.

-I’m so fucking done. -[coughs]

Mm-mmm.

[chews, coughs]

[French fans clamoring]

Whew.

-Hey. -[crew chattering]

[NRJ interviewer] About your new album, what would you like your fans

to keep in mind with this new project?

So I felt like it was the right time to tell my story

before it’s past a point that it didn’t matter.

I felt like the message I needed to release in “Lose You to Love Me”

was meant to be a song for others.

It’s– It’s meant to tell people that they’re not alone

and that it’s such a complicated feeling,

and the one thing you wanna do is be able to let it go.

You’re a singer, you’re an actor, you worked into production, in fashion.

Uh, is there any other hat you would like to try?

-In future? -Uh,

uh, I gotta say I’ll do a little bit of all of this for a while.

But eventually, when it all slows down for me,

I’m probably going to devote most of my life to philanthropy.

-Okay. That’s good for me. -Yeah.

-[scoffs] Wow. Thank you. -[laughs]

-Appreciate it. -[laughs] Thank you very much.

Felt like you really understood.

All right, are we good?

-[NRJ employee] Yeah. -[crew member] Getting on my nerves.

Can I sit, please?

Yeah, honey.

-Come on in. -[crew member] We’re done.

[stylist] We’re gonna change you.

-Fucking dumbest thing I’ve ever done. -What happened?

I’m done. I can’t do that anymore. That’s so stupid.

Do you know how much– how, like, cheap it makes me feel? I–

-[groans] -Yeah.

She’s asking me questions, like, good ones,

and then she didn’t even pay attention to what I was saying.

I don’t wanna do that ever again.

I feel like a product.

[sighs] Oh, God.

-It was, like, making me angry. -[crew member] Yeah.

You know– You know what it is, is it made me feel like Disney.

[crew member] It’s a trigger.

I don’t– I just– I’ve spent years– years of my life trying to not be that.

I fucking look like a witch,

with the outfit doing it all– like, the wand again.

-Whatever. It’s fine. -[Keshishian] You got it done.

-You don’t have to do it again. -Yeah.

[fans clamoring]

Hi.

[cheering]

[fans shouting] Selena!

-Hi, Selena. How are you? -Selena!

[clamoring]

[fans shouting] Selena!

Oh, I’m going over there.

[fan 1] You’re so pretty. Thank you.

-[crying] -How are you? It’s okay.

-[crying] -It’s okay. You’re all good.

-Everything’s– Good tears, hopefully? -Yes, yes, yes.

Okay.

-Can we take a picture? -Yeah. Let’s take a picture.

[fan 2] Selena, photo, quick!

[cheering continues]

-[bodyguard] All right? -I’m good. Okay.

[sighs]

[grunts]

[Stevens] Do you want to do your morning meds?

Mmm.

[Stevens] I know the answer, but… you should.

-[paparazzi chattering] -[paparazzo] Morning, Selena!

[camera shutters clicking]

[breathes deeply]

[mouthing indistinctly]

Just attach it to the inside or up and under.

[Capital FM employee] Do you know what you’re doing?

-Nope. I work better that way. -[laughs]

[chuckles] Well, we’re gonna leave you in the room, basically alone.

You’re doing it to the mirror. It’s a conversation with yourself.

-Okay. -Um, and then you’ll just hear, um,

directions from– coming from that speaker over there.

-Mkay. -And then we’ll just roll with it.

-All right. -Awesome.

[Capital FM employee 2] Hi, Selena. Could you please open the first envelope?

“A song that reminds you of being in love.”

[clicks tongue] I don’t know if I have one.

[chuckles]

Envelope number two, please.

[clears throat]

“What do you see when you look in the mirror?”

Why are they so deep?

[clicks tongue] I, uh…

[sighs] I see…

Yeah. Still working on what I see in the mirror, I suppose.

These are good questions.

What’s your ultimate dream?

My ultimate dream is that I am able to save…

people’s lives through…

[sighs] …through something,

whether it’s a song, music, or if it’s me, just speaking about the troubles

and the trials and tribulations that I had gone through.

That I could be a voice for others who maybe don’t know what’s going on

or what they’re feeling.

Um, that’s what I hope. [chuckles]

Incredible. Thank you so much.

[Gomez] There is a girl who’s crippled by anxiety

and can’t move when she looks in the mirror.

She smiles when everyone is looking but cries when she’s alone.

She hides because she’s terrified to show herself.

My world is so empty.

My world is so big and cold.

I want joy and hope.

Clean air where I can finally breathe.

What has been is not what will be.

Why is everyone wearing a T-shirt that says “rare”?

[Fallon] Rare is out now. Rolling Stone loves it.

Billboard calls you triumphant.

Variety said Rare’s one of the best pop albums to be released

-in recent memory. -[radio host] This is Selena’s

third studio album and her first in four years.

The singer saying, “It’s by far the work I’m most proud of to date.”

[Gomez] Kenya was like a dream.

When I even asked about boys, just out of curiosity

they were like, “No, no.”

-[chuckling] -“We’re just”–

You know, they giggled. They’re like, “We want to do what we want to do,

and then it will happen.” And I was like, preach.

-[laughs] -That’s awesome.

I mean, these girls were more confident than I was, and it was beautiful to see.

And at times– I’m very, um…

I overthink

and I feel like if I’m not having some sort of aspect of my life

where I’m giving, it’s not– It makes me f– It just makes–

It doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me feel

like I’m just taking, taking, taking and people should give me this

and give me that, um,

even though that’s not my personality.

So now I want to make it a quarterly thing.

I have a dinner with Aleen and Zack,

and we’re gonna discuss, you know,

-my goals. -[Keshishian] Yeah.

Can we talk, for a minute, about the trip and the WE organization,

-and why don’t you start? -[Gomez] Mmm.

Like just tell us a little bit about what you’re thinking.

I would love to find a way to build a curriculum

that can be taught in schools.

There’s so much to be said about being connected with your emotions

and having that intelligence.

You’re kind of like– I mean, you’re kinda fucked

-if you don’t understand it. -You also–

You have no compassion, you have no empathy.

-Yeah. -You have– You have no way

of connecting with people because you don’t even know how to.

This is sort of the thing that you want to be.

-It-it-it’s something– -You wanna do.

Very, very important to me.

[radio host] I want to start today with discussion over a deadly new virus

that some health officials say might affect thousands

or even millions of people this year.

The second US case announced just this morning.

It’s a new strain of what’s called coronavirus.

[newscaster] Major cities across the country

are looking more like ghost towns.

[newscaster 2] Seemingly overnight, much of our daily lives have been

put on hold.

All Americans now trying to navigate what we’re kind of calling “a new normal.”

[newscaster 3] Infrastructure from large private companies

like Microsoft to the Department of Energy

and even the Department of Treasury all hit.

-Lawmakers are now demanding answers… -Hey Sel,

we’re going to take your blood pressure.

[Stevens] Hello, Winnie.

[newscaster] Good evening, and thanks for joining us.

We begin with breaking news about WE Charity,

the organization at the heart of the latest ethics investigation

involving Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

WE Charity is shutting down its Canadian operations.

The charity ran into trouble after the Liberal government

awarded it a sole-sourced, multimillion-dollar contract to run a…

[Gomez] The accusations against the WE Charity

made the work I had just planned to do with them impossible.

[groans]

[Kielburger] The most important thing…

[Gomez] It broke my heart because I had seen their good intentions,

and I had met the women in Kenya whose lives had been changed.

But now it was all so complicated.

[Kielburger] We started the organization back in 1995

when we were kids in Thornhill, in our parent’s basements,

-and, uh, this is our 25th anniversary… -Can’t listen to it. That’s such a bummer.

[Gomez] I was devastated.

I was angry.

The Covid-19 pandemic was beginning to cut us all off from friends and family.

And the purpose I had found in Kenya felt like it had been taken away.

Then just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse,

it did.

[cries] I don’t know. [sniffs]

My lupus.

[cameraman] You’re in pain?

-[cries] -Give me a hug. I’m sorry.

-It’s okay. -[cameraman] I love you.

I love you too. [cries]

[cameraman] It’ll get better.

They’re going to figure it out. You’re going to feel better.

[friend] Is this what it felt like before,

when you found out you had lupus?

[sobs] Yeah, but I was so young.

Like, I have not felt it since I was younger. [sobs]

-Oh, my God. -And so, like, now, it just hurts,

like, in the morning when I wake up, [sniffs]

I immediately start crying because it hurts.

-[friend] Yeah. -Like, everything. [sniffs]

I’ve been having, like, really bad dreams about, like, my past and stuff. [sniffs]

I think my past and my mistakes… [sniffs] …that’s what drives me…

into depression.

It’s like, my whole life since I was a kid, I have been working

and the only thing that I want is, like, a family. [sniffing]

I just, like, wanna be, like, a mom.

And I told Raquelle, I just, like, wanted to quit sometimes,

so I could just be happy and be normal like everybody else. [sniffs]

And she was just like, “I want you to know that I feel like God has given you

this platform not to quit.” [sniffing]

I don’t want to be, like, super famous.

I don’t wanna be all that stuff.

But I do know that if I’m here, I have to use that for good.

I just feel stuck, and I just want to move forward. [sniffs]

Hello.

[Dr. Wallace] Hi, it’s Dr. Wallace.

So I wanted to go over your results with you.

You have a positive rheumatoid factor,

which means that this is a lupus myositis rheumatoid overlap.

We could give you another dose of Rituxan which would probably,

at the rate you handle it,

get rid of your joint pain for probably a year or so.

Okay.

-[Dr. Wallace] Okay, bye. -Bye, Dr. Wallace.

-Bye. -[Dr. Wallace] Bye.

[sniffs]

[crew member] At least that explains some of why.

Yeah, I-I just always feel better when I have answers,

but the Rituxan was really hard to do last time, but I-I–

[crew member] What is it?

Rituxan is a treatment that they give you through an IV,

and it’s about four hours, five hours.

[stammers] It’s really hard on your system at first, but, um, it’s okay.

[nurse] It’s okay.

They gave me something to relax because I can’t stand being still.

My nana didn’t wanna come, because she’s–

she’s just seen me been put through all this.

[Mingus] Don’t put it in your mouth.

[spitting]

[Gomez] Why am I here?

Why am I alive?

[Mingus] There she is, ballerina Thumbelina.

[Gomez] Clearly for something.

[Mingus] Baby’s first bath. Let’s see that rat.

-[screams] -[laughs]

[Mingus] All right, time for your bath.

-Shut up. [laughs] -[laughs]

I love my friends, love my family. I think I’m a great daughter.

I think I’m a great friend. And that means a lot to me.

-What is happening? -[laughs]

But clearly, I’m still here to use whatever I have

to help someone else.

A part of my heart is still in Kenya,

but I felt guilty being there sometimes.

I-I don’t know, I hate that.

I feel like I went, and I filmed, and I experienced.

But it’s just so hard because I feel so selfish.

Yes, it was great. And yes, do I feel like I left an impact? Yes.

But do I feel like I’ve done enough? No.

Talking to someone about mental health in Kenya,

that’s… [stammers] …beautiful, you know.

I don’t know–

I don’t know if I felt like,

“Oh, I did it, and I’m such a great person.”

It’s like, you know, this is the beginning for me.

Hi everyone. I’m Selena Gomez.

And for World Mental Health Day, I wanted to invite Dr. Murthy,

the surgeon general, to chat with me about loneliness

and helping people access the resources they need to support their mental health.

That’s very kind of you, Selena. I’m really glad

that we’re having this conversation.

Uh, what we were facing pre-Covid-19 was already pretty challenging

in terms of high rates of loneliness and depression and anxiety,

and I worry that that’s gotten worse for a lot of people.

How– How do we identify loneliness in ourselves and in others?

And do the symptoms of loneliness always look like being alone?

[Dr. Murthy] It’s really hard to tell.

Even in a crowd, you can feel profoundly lonely.

And this is why the world is filled with so many people

who seemingly have it all, right?

They, you know, are famous, or they’re wealthy, or they’re powerful.

But what really matters is the quality of connections that we have.

-Mm-hmm. -That whenever we have interactions

with people where we feel like we can’t be ourselves,

that actually separates us further and further from other people.

Yeah.

A-And service, it turns out, is one of the greatest antidotes

to loneliness that we have.

We reaffirm to ourselves that we have value, uh,

to bring to the world,

and it doesn’t have to be going to a soup kitchen.

Simply by being fully present and listening to someone.

We can give them something extraordinarily powerful.

Mm-hmm. Right.

And so the journey, Selena, to become more connected to ourselves,

to connect more deeply with other people,

is not a journey to somehow transform ourselves

into something we’re not.

It’s really a journey to return to who we intrinsically are,

-being centered at our best… -Wow.

…and experiencing our greatest meaning and fulfillment,

uh, when we’re giving and receiving that love.

Mic drop. I mean, that was amazing.

Okay.

You wanna come down with me? No?

“Finish the sentences.

Strangers who would describe me as… only I know that I am…”

Strangers would describe you as, like, a warm sort of all-American girl.

And I think people would be surprised,

and only you know maybe how complex you are.

There’s a lot of layers to who you are.

And there’s a lot of different sides of you.

Oh.

-Oh, sorry. -What would you say, Ash?

Yeah, I think that’s a great answer.

[clicks tongue] Okay.

“Do you believe everyone has a calling? If so, do you think I’ve found mine?”

Yes, I believe everybody has a calling.

I think that you know what yours is, but you don’t always choose to walk in it.

Agreed.

What do you mean?

I think that you know the things that fuel you

and give you purpose in life, and the things that make you happy.

But I don’t think you always choose that.

Yeah, that’s probably self-sabotage.

Yeah, tha– that’s exactly what it is.

I think stuff being normal

-or not having chaos… -Right.

…is actually uncomfortable, ‘cause if you think about it,

your life for so long, from such a young age,

has always been chaos.

-Right? -Yeah.

So it makes sense. It’s, like, more comfortable.

-Yeah, no that’s nuts. Oh, it sucks. -Yeah.

But the good thing is that you know. You know the things that fulfill you.

-You know what makes you happy. -[Cook] You’re very smart.

You know what’s not going to make you happy.

Aw. I love you.

She’s a lot calmer, right?

That’s so great. She usually will move her hand.

-[laughs] -[cooing]

I see you, and you see me.

And that’s because I look like your mom.

[gasps] Look at my mom.

[friend] Oh, my goodness.

Do I look like my mom?

Yes.

-What? -[Gomez] Oh, the bangs.

Look at her marrying my stepdad, Brian.

-Yeah, he’s been such a great dad to me. -[Mingus] Aw.

-That is so sweet. So cute. -[Cosme] Aw. That’s awesome.

-Selena? Hey. -Hi.

-How’s it going, girl? -[friend] Good, how are you?

I’m good.

They don’t bite.

Hey. [kissing]

This one’s my youngest.

-That’s my cousin’s daughter… -Oh, my gosh.

…and my other two aren’t here because my son has leukemia.

-Oh, no. -So he stayed in at his other mom’s house,

and his sister wanted to stay with him.

Yeah.

-So we left them there. -[child babbles]

What’s that? Are you trying to scare me?

Do you know who this is?

It’s Selena Gomez.

My name is Selena.

-The one that you hear the songs of? -[laughs]

-Yeah. -[gasps]

-[screaming] -[laughing]

[Gomez laughing]

[screams]

[Gomez chuckles]

-[friend] She’s my dramatic one. -[girl screams]

-Well, that was me. Aw. -[laughs]

[friend] Come here, baba. No?

-Yeah, you’re the alpha male. -I didn’t know she was real.

Yes, she’s real.

-Mommy went to school with her. -[gasps]

She lived right down the street from me.

-[screams] -Mommy grew up with her.

Can I have a hug?

-[laughs] -Yeah. [laughs]

Does that make you happy?

Yes!

[laughs]

-[Gomez] Just wanted to say hello. -Well, thank you. I appreciate it.

-It was good seeing you. -Of course. It was so good to see you.

-I’m glad everything’s good with you. -Yeah.

Went better. Trust me, it was a little scary at that point,

‘cause I grew up with you, I knew. So, to see you go through that was hard.

Yeah. Thank you, I do feel better.

Oh, we love y’all.

-Okay bye, honey. Bye-bye. -Say “Bye.” Say “Thank you.”

[Gomez] When you’re struggling with your mental health,

the essential part of it is knowing what to do

and recognizing that.

It’s something that I’m not ashamed of.

I had to relearn things that completely fell out of my mind.

I-It was like, “Hey, you’re not a bad person.

You’re not a gross person.

You’re not crazy. You’re not any of this

but you’re gonna have to deal with this.

I know it’s a lot, but this is the reality.”

And I found having a relationship with bipolar and myself, it’s…

it’s gonna be there.

I’m just making it my friend now.

I think that I needed to go through that to be who I am,

and then I’m gonna keep going through it,

but I’m really happy.

I’m at peace.

I’m angry.

I’m sad.

I’m confident.

I’m full of doubt.

I’m a work in progress.

I am enough.

I am Selena.

-[producer] Thank you for having us today. -[Gomez] Of course.

I wanted people to understand that what I did for this process

was giving you guys, like, my heart essentially,

and see how you would take my words and put them into a record.

I’ve never done that before. Have you guys?

-No, I– Yeah. -Diary entries, journal entries?

-No, that’s super intimate. -[producer 2] ‘Course.

[producer 1] I’m happy we didn’t butcher your journal entries.

-[all laugh] -No, you didn’t.