♪ The Simpsons ♪

-(chalk screeches)

-(bell rings)

(work whistle blows)

-(sucking)

-(register beeping)

(jazzy solo)

(tires screech)

-(tires screech)

-(horn honking)

(tires screech)

-Aah!

-(tires screech)

(chattering)

Now class, I don’t want

this field trip to be

a repeat of our infamous visit

to the Springfield State Prison.

So, I want you all

to be on your best behavior,

especially you,

Bart Simpson.

Mrs. Krabappel,

I didn’t unlock that door.

-(tires screech)

-Uh, sorry, little dudes.

Party hardy was tardy.

-All right, children. Count off.

-One, two, three.

-Hey, Otto. Hey, Ottoman.

-Hey, Bart dude.

Any new tattoos, Otto?

Oh, funny

you should ask, man.

This morning I woke up

with this one.

Cool. I want one.

Huh. Not till you’re 14,

my little friend.

Bart! Bart Simpson!

Take your seat, Bart.

Oh, please, Mrs. Krabappel,

not next to Wendell.

He pukes on every bus ride.

No offense, Wendell.

Oh.

Be that as it may,

it’s the only seat left,

-so get in there!

-(laughing)

Please try not to shake

the seat like that.

Now, class, remember.

Do not stick any part

of your body out the window.

We all know the tragic story

of the young man

who stuck

his arm out the window

and had it ripped off by a big truck

coming in the other direction.

-And I was that boy.

-(laughter)

Uh, Bart Simpson, sit down!

I’ve had just about enough

of your tomfoolery.

Oh, I don’t feel so hot.

(chattering)

Look, there’s our school again.

-Otto, are you sure you–

-It’s a shortcut, Mrs. K. Trust me.

Mrs. Krabappel!

Mrs. Krabappel!

Bart, not another word out of you,

or I’ll subject you

to the humiliation

of making you sing

in front of the class.

-Can I pick the song?

-No.

The song will be “John Henry

Was a Steel Drivin’ Man.”

Oh, no.

We’re gonna make you sing,

Bart Simpson.

Yeah, Bart Simpson,

we’re gonna make you sing.

That’s it, Bart.

Oh, why can’t you be

more like, uh, uh–

Us, Mrs. Krabappel?

Yes, Sherri and Terri.

They know how to behave.

BART:

Da, da, da, da, da, da. Whoa!

♪ They took Bart Simpson

to the graveyard ♪

♪ And they buried him

in the sand ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, and every locomotive

that comes rollin’ by ♪

KRABAPPEL:

Bart. Bart!

♪ Says there lies

a steel-drivin’ man ♪

Okay, Bart. Enough!

Hey, Wendell,

you made it, buddy.

(vomiting,

children groaning)

And so, this plant harnesses

the power of the atom

so that we have the energy

to run everything from

your favorite video game

to yummy

cotton candy machines.

(chuckles)

Let’s learn more about

nuclear energy, shall we?

Lights.

NARRATOR: When most people

think of nuclear energy,

they think of this.

(children yelling)

But when we talk about

nuclear energy,

we really mean this.

But what exactly

is nuclear energy?

I don’t know,

but I know someone who does.

-Smilin’ Joe Fission.

-Hi, there, energy eaters.

I’m Smilin’ Joe Fission,

your atomic tour guide…

to the strange and exciting world

of nuclear power.

And these are rods

of uranium 235. Hi, Rod.

TOGETHER:

Hi. Hey. Good to see ya.

Hey, you guys look hot.

-Of course we’re hot.

-We’re radioactive.

Uh-oh. Well, how ‘bout

a dip in the pool?

TOGETHER: Yeah!

Last one in’s the rotten rod!

The rods make the water

so hot it boils.

Ow! Ouch! Ow!

FISSION:

And the steam spins turbines

that generate energy.

KRABAPPEL:

Bart, sit down.

Uh-oh. Whoops.

Looks like there’s a little leftover

nuclear waste. No problem.

I’ll just put it where nobody’ll find it

for a million years.

(sinister laugh)

So, now you know the whole true story

of nuclear energy,

our no longer

misunderstood friend.

So, keep on smilin’.

(cheering, applauding)

Now, let’s have even more fun.

And, uh, over here is

our thermal regulator.

To your right, if you look

through this window,

you’ll see where our water rejoins

the rest of nature’s biosphere.

Hey, Bart, our dad says

your dad is incompetent.

What does incompetent mean?

It means he spends more time

yakking and scarfing down

doughnuts than doing his job.

Oh, okay. I thought

you were putting him down.

You know, I defy anyone

to tell the difference

between these doughnuts

and ones baked today.

My boy’s supposed to be here

any second on a field trip.

They been through here yet?

Come on, Simpson.

If they wanted the kids

to see you sitting around

on your butt and stuffin’ your face,

they’d take them

on a tour of your house.

You’re right.

I gotta get where the action is.

Comin’ through!

Hey, there’s my dad.

Hey, Dad! Yo, Homer!

Woo! Woo! I’m up here!

Oh, hi, boy!

(siren blaring)

All right.

Who’s responsible for this?

(gulps)

I might have known it

was you, Simpson.

But, sir, I–

I don’t want to hear

about it, Simpson. You’re fired!

-Oh, hi, girls.

-Hi, Daddy.

(groaning)

Here’s a good job

at the fireworks factory.

Those perfectionists?

Forget it.

How ‘bout this?

Supervising technician

at the toxic waste dump.

I’m no supervising technician. I’m a

technical supervisor.

I’ve never done anything

worthwhile in my life.

I’m a big, worthless nothing.

There, there, Homer.

You’ll find a job.

You’ve caused plenty

of industrial accidents,

and you’ve always bounced back.

-Yeah, Dad, you can do it!

-Yeah, go for it, Dad.

You’re right! I’m young,

I’m able-bodied,

and I’ll take anything!

Watch out, Springfield.

Here I come.

Don’t give up, Dad.

I’m just a technical supervisor

who cared too much.

-Moe’s Tavern.

-BART: Is Mr. Freely there?

-Who?

-Freely. First initials “I.P.”

Hold on.

I’ll check.

Uh, is I.P. Freely here?

Hey, everybody!

I.P. Freely!

Wait a minute.

Listen to me, ya lousy bum.

-(Bart laughing)

-When I get a hold of you, you’re dead.

I swear I’m gonna

slice your heart in half.

You’ll get that

punk someday, Moe.

Ah, I don’t know.

He’s tough to catch.

He keeps changing his name.

Oh, I think I’ll have

another– Oops.

Oh, I’m a little low

on funds.

Do you think you can

cover me just this once?

No, sorry.

W-Why not?

I think after all these years

I deserve an explanation.

I don’t think you’re

ever gonna get another job

and be able to pay me back.

-Oh.

-Don’t worry.

We’re still friends.

♪ I fall to pieces ♪♪

(mumbling)

-All you all right, Homer?

-I’m fine. I’m just thinking.

Well,

I’ve been thinking too.

You know, Homer, you’ve always

been such a good provider,

but when we got married,

Mr. Berger promised I could

come back to my old job

anytime I wanted.

You think you can

still do that kind of work?

Sure. You never forget.

It’s just like riding a bicycle.

(horn honks)

Hey, Mama,

where’s my fries already?

-(growling)

-(horn honking)

Dad, eat something.

It’s got mustard on it.

All he does is lie there

like an unemployed whale.

I don’t know

what else to do.

There’s only

one thing we can do:

take advantage of the old guy.

You gotta sign

my report card, Dad.

(yelling on TV)

ANNOUNCER:

Loaftime,

the cable network

for the unemployed.

We’ll be back with more tips

on how to win the lottery

right after this.

ANNOUNCER 2:

Unemployed? Out of work? Sober?

You sat around the house

all day, but now it’s Duff time.

Duff, the beer that makes

the days fly by.

♪ Can’t get enough

of that wonderful Duff ♪

-♪ Duff beer ♪

-Beer.

Now there’s

a temporary solution.

There must be

some beer here somewhere.

Ah. Maybe in here.

Damn! I need money!

(moaning)

(snorting)

Oh, no.

What have I done?

I smashed open my little

boy’s piggy bank, and for what?

A few measly cents.

Not even enough

to buy one beer.

Wait a minute.

Let me count and make sure.

Not even close.

(thinking)

Dear family.

I am an utter failure,

and you’ll be better off without me.

By the time you read this,

I will be in my watery grave.

I can only leave you with the words

my father gave me:

“Stand tall, have courage

and never give up.”

I only hope I can provide

a better model…

in death than I did in life.

Warmest regards.

Love, Homer J. Simpson.

(grunting)

(squeaking)

(grunting continues)

(sniffles)

(grunting continues)

Nothing’s easy.

Oh, looks like young Simpson

is going to kill himself.

Well, maybe not.

Maybe he’s just taking

his boulder for a walk.

Oh.

-Mom! Mom! Wake up!

-We’ve been robbed!

-What?

-Someone swiped my piggy bank!

(gasps)

Your father’s gone too!

-Look what I found.

-(gasps)

(grunting continues)

Almost there.

(horn honking)

Hey, you idiot!

Watch where you’re going!

Well, live and learn.

There he is!

Don’t do it, Dad!

Boy, this intersection

is dangerous.

Someone ought to put

a stop sign here.

(gasps)

Oh, Homer.

How could you think

of killing yourself?

We love you.

-Yeah, Dad. We love you.

-Yeah.

Kill myself?

Killing myself is

the last thing I’d ever do.

Now I have a purpose,

a reason to live.

I don’t care

who I have to face.

I don’t care

who I have to fight.

I will not rest until

this street gets a stop sign!

Next on the agenda.

Police Chief Wiggum

will give us an update

on our graffiti problem.

Well, it’s no secret

our city is under siege

by a graffiti vandal

known as “El Barto.”

Police artists have

a composite sketch of the culprit.

If anyone has any information,

please contact us immediately.

Cool, man.

Tough customer.

Ooh, wouldn’t want to run

into him in a dark alley.

And now, new business.

Homer Simpson, local resident,

has something. Mr. Simpson?

Don’t be nervous.

We believe in you, Homer.

(clears throat)

Ladies and gentlemen,

esteemed councilmen,

boys and girls, retired people

with nothing better to do.

Danger comes in many,

many forms,

from dinosaurs that tormented

our caveman ancestors to the–

Simpson, get to the point.

I think we should put a stop sign at

“D” Street and 12th.

-The other–

-All in favor?

-Aye.

-Approved. Meeting adjourned.

Coffee and maple logs

in the lobby.

Wow. They listened to me.

-All right, Dad!

-Way to go, Homer.

You did it, Homer.

If they think I’m gonna

stop at that stop sign,

they’re sadly mistaken.

(camera shutter flashes)

Oh, Homer,

I am so proud of you.

Proud? Proud of what?

Well, everything.

Your dip sign, for instance.

Now people won’t be

caught off guard

by that little “mm-mmm”

in the road.

Ah, what a great family,

but come on.

We all know

this is small potatoes.

There’s a danger in this town

that is bigger than

all the dips put together.

-What, Dad?

-I’m talking about that.

You don’t mean you’re going

to take on your old bosses.

-Wow.

-Gee, Dad’s a hero.

-What’d ya say, son?

-Nothin’.

That’s okay.

I’ll just assume you said

what I thought I heard you say.

(cheering, yelling)

He also brought you

the speed bump–

-(cheering)

-The dip sign,

the 15 miles per hour speed limit

on Main Street.

I give you the man whose very name

is synonymous with safety.

-Homer Simpson!

-(cheering)

-Homer! Homer!

-Thank you.

Unlike most of you,

I am not a nut.

Just a good, honest American

who opposes wrongdoing…

and especially carelessness

wherever they occur.

(groans)

Look at that man.

He has the crowd

in the palm of his hand.

Ah, haven’t seen anything

like it since Jolson.

Who is he?

That’s Homer Simpson, sir.

He used to work here

in the plant,

but we fired him

for gross incompetence.

Oh, so that’s

his little game.

Get this Simpson

character up here right now.

But Mr. Burns–

I said do it! Now do it!

Do it! Do it!

Our lives are at the hands

of men no smarter than you or I,

many of them,

incompetent boobs.

I know this because

I worked alongside them,

gone bowling with them,

watched them pass me over

for promotions time and again.

-And I say, this stinks!

-(cheering)

Hey. Hey, Simpson,

Burns wants to talk to you privately.

-Privately?

-Yes.

Stay here.

I’ll be right back.

(cheering)

Ah, Homer Simpson,

at last we meet. Same here.

Simpson, I want you to rejoin

our power plant family.

-Sorry. No can do.

-Hear me out, Simpson!

I don’t want you to come back

as a technical supervisor

or supervising technician

or whatever the hell

you used to do.

I want you to be in charge

of safety here at the plant.

-Safety?

-But, sir, if truth be known,

I actually caused

more accidents around here

than any other employee.

There were even a few doozies

no one ever found out about.

The generous offer I’m making

is good for exactly…

30 seconds, Simpson.

(thinking)

Me, in charge of safety?

This place could blow sky high.

Nah. I’ll concentrate

on my work now.

Gee, this guy’s desk

sure is big.

I can’t let Marge support

the family.

This guy’s got the cleanest

shirt I’ve ever seen.

What should I–

Simpson, time’s up.

Mmm, what the hey.

I’ll take the job.

Excellent.

Your first duty will be

to step out on the balcony

and tell that crowd

this plant is safe.

-What?

-Go on, Homer.

Homer! Homer!

Homer! Homer! Homer!

-(cheering, applauding)

-MARGE: Yeah, Homer!

LISA:

Go, Dad!

Ladies and gentlemen,

this plant is–

Oh, sit tight.

I’ll be right back.

(cheering)

I can’t do it, Mr. Burns.

You mean, you’re willing to give up

a good job and a raise

just for your principles?

Mmm. When you put it that way,

it does sound a little farfetched,

but that’s the lug

you’re lookin’ at!

And I vow to continue spending

every free minute I have…

crusading for safety!

Of course, I’d have a lot less

of those free minutes

if you gave me the job.

Mmm. You’re not as stupid

as you look or sound…

or our best testing indicates.

You’ve got the job.

Now get to work!

I’ll get to work,

but first I have to say

good-bye to some friends.

(door sliding open)

-(cheering)

-Friends,

you have come to depend on me

as your safety watchdog

so you won’t scrape yourself

or stub your toes

or blow yourselves up.

But you can’t depend on me

all your life.

You have to learn that there’s

a little Homer Simpson in all of us,

and I’m going to have to live

without your respect and awe.

The only reason

I’m telling you this is…

I’m going to be leaving you.

-(gasps)

-But don’t worry.

I have just been appointed

the new safety inspector

at this very plant…

with a big, fat raise!

(cheering)

Hey, that’s my pop up there!

Dad, watch out!

(screaming)

Whoa, easy!

Don’t drop me.

-Be careful.

-Homer! Homer! Homer!

♪♪

-(mumbling)

-Shh.