The Simpsons - Season 1 E11.The Crepes of Wrath

♪ The Simpsons ♪

-(chalk screeches)

-(bell rings)

(work whistle blows)

-(sucking)

-(register beeping)

(jazzy solo)

(tires screech)

-(tires screech)

-(horn honking)

(tires screech)

-Aah!

-(tires screech)

Froggie, I’m home!

(munching)

Hi, little fella.

I got some nice

juicy flies for you.

Jeez, Louise.

Look at this mess.

I told that boy

a billion times

to pick up his jun–

(indistinct yelling)

I like to play

with you.

-(gasps) My back.

-I like to play with you.

-There goes my back again.

-I like to play with you.

-(grunts)

-I like to play with you.

-D’oh!

-I like to play with you.

-Go get help, boy.

I like to play with you.

(battery dying)

I like to play with you.

Oh, Maggie.

My poor back.

(distorted)

I like to play with you.

I like to p–

I like to play–

-(both gasp)

-Dad!

Homer, what happened?

Oh, the boy.

Bring me the boy.

Bart, if you had

cleaned up your room

when I asked you to,

your father’s trick back

would still be aligned.

So, you’ll pick up

this mess right now.

-(grunts)

-Clumsy Homer.

Everything’s

always my fault.

If he’d just watch out

where he was going.

Hello.

What have we here?

(gasps)

A cherry bomb.

I thought I blew

all you guys up.

People, people, no rough-housing

on the monkey bars.

You there.

Tuck in your shirt.

Watch it. I saw that.

You certainly have done

awfully well for yourself, Spanky.

Mother, please don’t call me Spanky

on school grounds.

Wow! A cherry bomb!

What are you gonna

do with it, Bart?

-Watch out, Bart. It’s Skinner!

-Uh-oh.

ALL: Good morning,

Mr. Skinner.

Morning, boys.

Why haven’t you introduced me

to any of your students, Spanky?

(kids laughing)

-Well?

-Mother, I would like you to meet

Milhouse, Lewis, Richard

and Bart Simpson.

This is the Bart Simpson

you’re always talking about?

-Mm-hmm.

-But he looks so sweet.

-I am, Ma’am.

-Simpson!

Let’s move on now,

Mother, shall we?

-Bye, Spanky.

-(all laugh)

So, you’re gonna flush it?

What can I say?

I’ve got a weakness for the classics.

I think I need to make a stop

at the little girls’ room.

(laughing)

Okay, Mother. This way.

(laughs)

So long, sucker.

(explosion)

-(screams)

-(kids laughing)

Now hold it right there,

you little–

-Spanky?

-Mother?

Oh, Marge, I still hurt. (bell ringing)

Marge. Marge!

Oh, Homer.

How many times do I

have to fluff your pillow?

Actually, I was wondering

if you could make me

a grilled cheese sandwich.

Well, okay.

Make sure it’s squished flat

and crunchy on the outside.

I know how you like ’em, Homer.

And maybe some of those

little wieners that come in a can?

Oh, and some fruit cocktail

in heavy syrup.

-(groans)

-(doorbell rings)

-(doorbell ringing)

-HOMER: Marge.

Marge.

-(bell ringing)

-Marge, get the door!

(Marge grunts)

-(doorbell continues)

-Principal Skinner!

Hello, Mrs. Simpson.

I’m afraid there’s been

a very disturbing incident

at school today.

I’m outta here, man.

Homer, Principal Skinner is here.

Oh. Hello, Principal Skinner.

I’d get up, but the boy

crippled me.

Mm-hmm.

I understand completely.

The disturbing incident I was referring to

happened this morning

when your son flushed

an explosive device

down the boys’ lavatory.

-That ol’ gag.

-Unfortunately, at the same moment,

my mother was in the girls’ lavatory

making use of the facilities.

-Oh, dear.

-Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,

we have transcended incorrigible.

I don’t think suspension

or expulsion will do the trick.

I think it behooves us all

to consider… deportation.

Deportation?

You mean kick Bart

out of the country?

Hear him out, Marge.

Well, perhaps I was being a tad glib.

Let me explain.

Our elementary school

participates in

a foreign exchange program.

Normally, a student

is selected on

the basis of academic

excellence or intelligence,

but in Bart’s case,

I’m prepared to make

a big exception.

And if you’re willing

to play along,

he can spend

the next three months

studying far, far away.

Sounds great.

Although, a kid can’t learn much

in just three months.

Homer, you didn’t even ask

where Bart would be going.

Actually, he’d be staying

in France,

in a lovely chateau

in the heart of the wine country.

But Bart doesn’t speak French.

Oh, when he’s totally immersed

in a foreign language,

the average child

can become fluent in weeks.

Yeah, but what about Bart?

I’m sure he’ll pick up

enough to get by.

And, uh, the whole thing

won’t cost you a dime,

as long as you’re willing to

take in a student of your own.

Wait a minute, Skinner.

How do we know

some principal over in France

isn’t pulling

the same scam you are?

Well, for one thing,

you wouldn’t be getting a French boy.

You’d be getting an Albanian.

-You mean all white with pink eyes?

-No. No, no, no.

A student from Albania.

It’s a country on the Adriatic Sea.

Well, going to France sounds like

a fantastic opportunity,

but I think Bart

should have a say in this.

(sighs)

The life of a frog.

That’s the life for me.

Bart, how would you like

to spend

the next three months

living in France?

France? Wow!

He makes me crazy

12 months a year.

-At least you get the summer off.

-Mm-hmm.

And I get to take a plane

there, wouldn’t I, Mom?

Yes, Bart.

-Wow! And one back?

-Mm-hmm.

Well, Bart seems

very enthusiastic about the idea.

-Yes, baby!

-Way to go!

SKINNER:

Bon voyage, boy.

(kissing)

Good-bye, my special–

my special little guy.

You will write us, won’t you?

-All the time.

-What do you know about France?

I know I’m going,

and you’re not.

I’m gonna miss you, son.

And listen, while you’re seeing

all those great sights,

always remember that

you’re representing your country.

I guess what I’m saying is,

don’t mess up France

the way you messed up your room.

Okay, Dad.

Is one of you going to be

on the charter flight?

-Yes, sir.

-Mm-hmm. Come along.

-Bye. Be good.

-We’ll miss you.

(grunting)

(speaking Albanian)

(indistinct chatter)

Hey, man, watch it.

Ooh! Oh! Ow!

Oh! Hey, man.

It’s me, Bart Simpson.

-Okay, kid. Let’s go.

-Hey!

BART: ♪ Every little breeze

seems to whisper Louise ♪

♪ Birds in the trees seem to–

(whistles) Louise ♪

♪ La la la laa

La la la la la ♪

Ooh la la!

How much longer, sir?

This is where we’re going, right?

Chateau Mah-son.

(speaking French)

(motorcycle backfires)

Eww. What a dump.

LISA: You know, in Albania,

the unit of currency

is called the lek.

(laughs)

You gotta be kiddin’. The lek.

And the national flag

is a two-headed eagle on a red field.

Give me the old

stars and stripes.

And the main export is furious

political thought.

Political what?

MAN (on PA): Trans Albanian Airlines,

flight number two,

Tirana to Springfield,

is now arriving.

MAN:

Welcome to your new home.

MAN 2:

Escape is impossible.

My name is Cesar.

This is my nephew, Ugolin.

You may find life here

at the chateau hard,

but if you shut up and do

exactly what we say,

the time will pass

more quickly.

-He’s right, you know.

-Well, okay, sir.

-MARGE: Adil?

-Mother?

Well, I guess

for the next few months,

yes, I will be your mother.

And this must be

Lisa and Maggie.

And you must be

my new father, Homer.

Affectionate

little Albanian, isn’t he?

(speaking French)

Hey, come on, guys.

Quit being so grabby.

-(both growl)

-Sorry, man. Be my guest.

SKINNER: You may find

his accent peculiar.

Certain aspects

of his culture

may seem absurd,

perhaps even offensive.

But I urge you all

to give little Adil

the benefit of the doubt.

In this way,

and only in this way,

can we hope

to better understand

our backward neighbors

throughout the world.

(applause)

Thank you,

Principal Skinner.

Thank you,

fellow students.

Although I have only been in

your country a few days,

I have already

found Americans

to be most… trusting.

Although, officially,

I am required to hate you,

I want you to know

I do not feel it

in my heart.

(applause)

♪♪ (whistling “Alouette”)

Hurry up, boy.

My grapes are waiting

for their water.

(grunting)

How can you

defend a country

where 5% of the people

control 95% of the wealth?

I’m defending a country

where people can think,

and act and worship

any way they want.

-Can not. Can not.

-Can too. Can too!

Please, please, kids.

Stop fighting.

Maybe Lisa’s right about America

being a land of opportunity,

and maybe Adil has a point

about the machinery

of capitalism

being oiled with the blood

of the workers.

Your father is right.

We should not fight.

Friends?

Well, okay.

Well, now that that’s settled,

I’ll just clear the dishes.

No, no, Mrs. Simpson.

You have been oppressed

enough for today.

-I will clear the dishes.

-Oh. Okay.

Did you see that?

You know, Marge, this is the way

I’ve always wanted it to be.

We’ve become a fully functioning

family unit.

We’ve always

blamed ourselves,

but I guess it’s pretty clear

which cylinder wasn’t firing.

Homer!

Your paper-thin commitment

to your children

sends shivers down my spine.

-May I be excused?

-Lisa!

Oh, she’s just jealous.

She’ll get over it.

And if she doesn’t, we can

always exchange her. (laughs)

-Homer!

-Just kidding.

(speaking French)

Can I have something

to go with my turnip?

Quiet!

When you work like a man,

we will feed you like one.

-Now go to sleep!

-(sighs)

Hey, hey, come on.

Move it, pal.

You leave Maurice alone.

The floor is

good enough for you.

You go to sleep there.

(eating, chuckling)

HOMER:

Nice and cozy, Adil?

Yes. Thank you, Father.

Look, Adil,

you can call me Dad.

All right, Dad.

Aw!

You called me Dad.

Dad, do you think

I could come visit you

at the nuclear power plant?

-You wanna see where I work?

-Oh, yes, very much.

None of my biological kids

ever wanted to see me at work.

-Then I can go?

-Well, I’ll have to pull a few strings

with the boys in security,

but sure, you bet.

Excellent.

Now watch me.

You grab the grape

between your thumb and forefinger,

and gently twist it off

and drop it in the bucket.

Now you do it.

Very good. Now do it

a million times.

HOMER: See these?

American doughnuts.

Glazed, powdered

and raspberry-filled.

Now how’s that for

freedom of choice?

(laughs)

Dad, do you think

I might see your

plutonium isolation module?

Uh… maybe.

Hold on a second.

-Hey, Lenny.

-Hmm?

Does this place have one

of those plutonium isolation deals?

-Yeah, over in sector 12.

-Sector 12?

Third floor,

by the candy machines.

Oh, that sector 12.

Come along, Adil.

Ungrateful swine!

We give you food,

we give you shelter,

and this is

how you repay us!

(camera shutter clicking)

(laughs)

You little shutterbug.

Cheese!

Oh, wait a minute.

(grunting)

Stupid grapes.

Bunch of creeps!

I hate France!

(grunting)

You sure have

taken a shine to little Adil.

Well, he sure makes life

a lot easier around here.

You have to admit that.

Well, okay, I will,

if you admit you love Bart.

Okay. Okay.

I love Bart.

-Well?

-What?

Well?

Oh, Adil’s

a very sweet boy.

Darn tootin'.

(Morse code)

(speaking Albanian)

(Laugh)

MARGE: “Dear Bart,

How is France?

“I don’t know why

you haven’t written.

I guess you’re just

having too much fun.”

-(coughing) Oh, yeah, right.

-CESAR: Silence!

“Everyone here

in the United States is fine.

“We think Maggie may say

her first word any day now.

“Lisa got an ‘A’ in math,

“which I’m only mentioning as news.

I’m not putting you down.

“And your father, well…

“last night, he went to sleep

talking about how much

he loves you.”

(sniffles, sighs)

Oh.

“Remember to dress warm,

“and try to be as helpful

as you can

“to your adopted parents.

TOGETHER:

All my love. Mom.”

Oh.

(sighs)

(speaking French)

(Bart sneezes)

What are you doing?

Get out of here!

Sorry.

On second thought, Bart.

Bart, come here.

(speaking French)

-Drink this.

-No, thanks.

Do not worry.

This is France.

It is customary

for children to take

a little wine now and then.

Yeah, but it’s got

antifreeze in there.

-Drink it!

-Oh! (belches)

(speaking French)

-Ooh!

-(both chuckle)

Oh, Bart.

Oh, no.

(shivering)

You’re a policeman,

aren’t you?

Excusez-moi.

Je ne parle pas Anglais.

But you gotta help me.

These two guys I’m staying with,

they work me day and night.

They don’t feed me.

They make me sleep on the–

(speaking French)

I– (coughs) I don’t want

a piece of candy.

I need your–

Come on, Mister.

Can you help me?

(speaking French)

Oh, forget it.

I’m so stupid.

Anybody could have learned

this dumb language by now.

Here I’ve listened to nothing

but French for the past…

(speaking French)

Honey, I’m home.

Hello, Homer.

What’s that?

Oh, just some blueprints

Adil wanted.

I’m telling you,

he’s such a curious little dickens.

I bet he could build

a nuclear power plant if he wanted to.

MAN (on bullhorn):

All right, Sparrow.

We know you’re in there.

We’ll give you one minute

to surrender.

Oh, my!

Ooh, trouble

in the neighborhood.

Let’s check it out.

I’m his neighbor.

What did he do?

Well, sir, we–

Well, sir, we’ve

been on the trail

of a spy transmitting

highly confidential information

-to an unfriendly nation.

-Ooh!

Mm-hmm. Through the use

of radio triangulation,

we tracked him

to exactly this point.

Wow.

-That’s all I can tell you.

-Aw.

All right. Well, the name of

his country starts with the letter “A.”

-Hmm. Ooh!

-Time’s up, Sparrow.

We’re coming in after you.

Oh, gee whiz. Adil would get

a kick out of seeing this.

-Adil?

-The Sparrow!

(speaking Albanian)

Adil.

Oh, there you are.

Get him!

(speaking French)

-(siren wailing)

-Au revoir, suckers.

So, he’s going

to prison?

Uh, no. We’ve arranged

an exchange

for one of our own men

caught in Albania.

So, Sparrow,

we meet again.

Yes.

Sometimes I think

I am getting

too old for this game.

Okay, kids.

Let’s hurry it up.

Good-bye, Simpsons.

Thank you for your hospitality.

I hope this experience

will not sour you on

the student exchange program.

-ALL: Good-bye, Adil.

-LISA: Have a nice trip.

Good-bye, Adil.

I’ll send you those

civil defense plans you wanted.

WOMAN (on PA): Air France, flight dix-neuf

cent quatre-vingts huit,

Paris to Springfield

is now arriving.

Look, Mom.

There he is!

Oh, Bart, my baby boy.

-Welcome home.

-Hey, where’s the big guy?

HOMER: He means me.

-Hey, boy.

-Hey, Homer.

He brought us gifts.

His first unselfish act.

So, basically, I met

one nice French person.

Bart,

I have something to say

that’s gonna bother me

if I don’t say it.

-It’s good to see you.

-Same here.

I’d love a glass

of that wine

Bart brought us.

Sorry, Marge. Some wise guy

stuck a cork in the bottle.

(speaking French)

You hear that, Marge?

My boy speaks French.

(grunts)

♪♪

-(mumbling)

-Shh!