ladies and gentlemen bam
we are live
with my pal
brian callan
ladies and gentlemen
thank callan good to be here
an honor to be here a pleasure
an honor to have you sir thank you brian is a
my longest running friend in hollywood i
think so right
yeah for 20 years yeah we’ve been friends a long ass
time almost 20 years
yeah 94 something like that people still
it was 90 1995
and and people
still come up to me and ask me if
we’re half brothers
you were the
one who used
to say it on wikipedia
that’s right
imdb one of
those it’s a
rumor i like keeping
alive yeah i keep it alive
i never refute it yeah
either do i now i
think you were the one who told me
about gracie jiu jitsu
yeah i remember
that i remember
we connected immediately yeah totally you show up in it
those guys are all just low blood
sugar there’s just a
bunch of actors all of a sudden
this guy i see i’m like wait a
minute that guy looks like me but he’s
thicker and he looks way more extreme
and you had a ten time on you really
can possibly must goes like that guy looks like he
fights you like
yeah i fight i like to
fight i need to
fight i didn’t i need to be in
class otherwise i’ll end up in jail
i was like that guy’s
gonna be my friend forever
we connected so quick
right away with
everything every retarded
thing we love pit bull and and
we both know it’s retarded that’s the difference like
all of my extreme
macho psycho shit i know it’s fucked up
like i know my
tattoos are
fucked up i know my neck is too big i don’t give a fuck
you know i know my car is too loud i don’t care
you’ve always been
you’ve always been my canary in
the coal mine
you as well you know as long as i know you’re
still out there alive
someone’s rocking it the right way no doubt
i remember that time we
spent literally a
whole day we were looking for pit bulls for me
we have to find i was like i want jaws
on a leash i just want a life support
system for jaws you’re like all
right me too
and so we end up looking and
i saw this one and it said there’s no bull in our pits
we get there and this guy
clearly fought his piss
oh yeah that guy do you know where
that guy you
don’t have a dog that killed the goats
killed goats it attacked the baby cow by
the time they didn’t
shoot it to death
meanwhile it was this 35
pound little dog that’s what people don’t know
about pit bulls the really crazy ones
aren’t like the big muscle ones the really
crazy ones are the little ones because they can
pick them up and move them around easier and
fight this thing
looks like a big yeah
they’re bred they’re not bred for like
the bread the fighting weight
classes and the baddest
motherfuckers in these little thirty five
pounders and that’s what he had
the dog did not look like a pit bull
like if you
think of a pit bull you think of this like
crazy muscular
concoction of science and breeding like a flashlight
oh that’s right we’re gonna talk
about this before we get going
we are sponsored by the flashlight
this is we have a
sponsor for
our podcast and if we don’t get we’re supposed to talk
about in the beginning of the show
if you’ve never used one of the
thing these
things i highly
recommend it i know you are a fellow pervert you
feel that i sure am and i have not fucked that you have
not not that
that’s the butthole version
oh that’s the butthole version
and dude it’s way better than beating off i mean
it’s a fucking incredible invention yeah well i’ve seen
these used in porn not that i ever
watch it should
be something that
every man has for real because
look if you masturbate and you do okay everyone does
come on you don’t have 50
bucks laying around
to give yourself some pleasure
there’s a lot of girls who you won’t call
after you fuck off i’m
gonna be honest
with you i’m
sticking my finger in this and it’s
true it’s true
this feels really good
it feels awesome
dude there’s a lot of girls there’s a lot of girls you
would not especially when you’re
young and dumb and you know you just
your dick is totally leading your life that shit
could save your career
that shit could
push you in a positive direction
you know they
have gay ones
where it’s little butts
so instead of like the
cheeks it’s like a little butt
cheeks have you seen that
really yeah we’re
good we’re gonna
flashlight dot com or go to just
go to my website to
click on the
link there’s like a fifteen percent discount you got
i’m surprised
but you know what i would talk
about it anyway just if i didn’t know and then i
found out people need to know yeah
i’m surprised
things are more popular
fantastic but yeah
these are little pit bulls back to
our story yeah i mean you had
you had the craziest little guy he was
awesome well
you had squeaky i remember it wasn’t a
squeaky farm
yes squeaky farm
killed my dog
she was she was a coffee
table i’ve never seen a dog that
she look like an alligator
the reason why i got this fucking dog
this dog was a prison dog
right this dog was in the
like literally in the the la
i got you from the
pound it was there for a
while nobody want this dog’s
crazy little muscular pitbull
and brian calls me with his ex
girlfriend who’s also fucking crazy
patty jenkins who
is the director of that
movie monster
one of the coolest
chicks ever
she’s nuts too
okay so they’re both nuts and they’re both talking
about this pit bull that i have to rescue
so they call me
up and tell me i have to rescue this and i’m like fuck
so i already have two dogs right
and i make the cardinal
sin of bringing a female
home to another
female you cannot do that with pit bulls anyway no way
can’t do with any dogs apparently
why don’t you go to a
pound to get a pit bull
that seems like even because
because his
friend brian
karen took one look at the dog went
i said the patio go
if joe sees this dog
he’s gonna adopt
it he cannot resist
here’s a problem
i’m a retard okay and he’s a retard as well
and all retards
need is another retard to
agree with them and then they just do something
totally normal
that’s how vegas was
started her
mentality just
heard exactly
all right i’ll buy it so just because
it was already in his head like i was so susceptible
i was like yeah really
what you look like
it’s like she’s got a fucking
giant head and she’s so so solid
she looks like an
alligator she looks like an alligator with pitbull
lights meanwhile she was the
sweetest dog ever
but she hated other dogs
hated them they’re unforgiving
unforgiving and ruthless she was willing to
fight for the death
fight to the
death for your
attention well i had two feet i had a female
police dog german shepherd
and a pit bull and they used to get in such bad
fights and for me
i was just looking at sixteen
hundred dollars there another sixteen hundred dollars
there as they’re tearing each
other up for the vet
i got so good though at choking
just right the
problem is not when you’re there the problem is
when you’re not exactly and that’s what happened with
squeaky she killed one of my dogs when i wasn’t here
she’s a crazy dog but she just did
would not tolerate any bullshit and
because the way they
raise them man you know
they’re just willing to
fight to the death the
game ones are the ones that get to
every other animal
fights out of fear of
dominance and
dominance including territorial you
know which is
under the umbrella being territorial
whereas pit bulls actually are bred
to actually
enjoy the fight
and a lot of times in the fight
they’re into it they’re wagging their tail
you know they’re
great dogs if
you raise them
and you’re there with them
all the time they’re
super loving and really
loyal companions
but they’re dangerous as fuck when it comes to
other animals
they’re too crazy
having them
i prefer to not have them even though you know i
loved my dogs they were awesome dogs they were
super friendly and
obedient and
they were really like affectionate
too much man
too crazy too
dangerous you know
other people’s dogs get fucked up by your
dog and you feel like a douchebag you know it’s like
you can’t take him to the dog park
they’re on a leash
my dog bit at someone’s face
someone’s dog’s face
through the fence and
grabbed a hold of it through this dog’s fence
we were walking i totally didn’t
expect it we were walking
and he’s on a leash
and this dog
sticks his head through the fence
and he’s like what bitch
and he’s locked onto
it so fast so
quick he had half of the fence in his
teeth and half of this dog’s face did you have to
choke him off
yeah and pull
away you have to grab his collar and twist it
and yank on him
i had to put him to sleep
i had to put him to
sleep a couple times i had to put him to
sleep when he was trying to kill my cat
yeah he was fucking nuts yeah it was a
great yeah thanks francra
yeah he was a
great dog like with
people but with animals and it was not how i raised him
it just it is
it’s just their genetics
you know i raised him around his cat
i raised him around cats and dogs
the more we
learn was around him all the time
it just they’re just too crazy
the more we learn
about genetics anyway the more we realize it’s so
much it’s a lot less nurture than it is nature we are
slaves to our
dna in a lot of ways there’s a lot of that
going on for sure both
humans and in animals there’s nothing you could tell
me there’s it’s all moving in a certain direction
for a reason okay because this is the best way
that the species stays strong
you know and there’s a
bunch of fucking chemicals and a lot of them are
dictating your
actions all the time and if you’re a pit bull
i mean how much of no no
no is gonna get in your head
very well you know
the reading this book we were talking
about it yesterday where
genetically
for thousands of years
people have
learned how to
crossbreed you
know and whether it’s
plants or animals
and come up with what they want
but now with genetic engineering we’re gonna have
crazy abilities
do this on pinpoint accuracy like combining
an actual like
alligator with you know i mean for real
an alligator with a lion i mean they’re doing
crazy experiments
where they can
cross pollinate
dna that’s totally inside the realm of possibility
yeah you know what’s really nuts man is dogs
no one real there’s no real answer
to how people bred dogs to be so
crazy different
and they all came from wolves
genetically all dogs come from wolves
and that was like a big
shock when they
found that out
because that just
leaves a whole lot of questions like
you know we don’t
you know so
they don’t know
where the delineation
happened how they don’t know they thought it was a
bunch of other wild cannons
and i would have to double check this
article because i don’t really recall the details of it
but i remember that they were
shocked that they
found that dogs dna
was direct from wolves
and that somehow or another a wolf became a chihuahua
you know a wolf became a bulldog
you know they just slowly
how the fuck did that happen well that’s
breeding that’s thousands of years of
breeding that
seems wrong they can do that sources
i know i know it’s
right but it seems
wrong it seems like
if you had a bet
you’d be like how
could that be
right how is that possible
a fucking chihuahua came from a wolf
that there’s no way
how could you make
something but
human beings as they
learn more about the genome
they couldn’t figure out why
aids never became
heterosexual
disease in this country but it was rampant in africa
well what they just discovered was
that when you have a certain mutation on your gene
that mutation if you’re
northern european
anybody really that you know that’s white
or from of european descent
they are the ones that survived the bubonic plague
and everybody else died and the people that survived
that plague had a certain mutation in their gene
that also makes them
hiv resistant
whereas the bubonic plague did not hit africa
africa had its own diseases but that
particular plague
never hit africa
so they never even
they never developed a mutation in
their gene to survive a plague like that yeah
it’s kind of
crazy it’s fucking nuts i’m smart
the just the diversity of it all it’s just
how different
things are happening
all the time there’s different diseases we’re
fighting off and there’s
different things we’re
adapting to and who knows what’s
going on with our
brains right now because of
the different
kinds of access to information that we have now
with the internet and you
know just with social networking
there’s so much more access to information
right now like
who knows what’s
changing in our minds because of that well what
about the fact that
when we create an actual neural web
where we have
where everybody’s
genuinely connected to one specific club
with something in your body
that’s so possible well
they’re all talking
about this already
well they already are they’re already
working on synthetic biology
dna that’s synthetic that actually can grow
in a petri dish
you’re listening to
science talk with
brian callan and joe rogan
did you ever
think when you were doing
that you were in the hangover did you ever
think that movie was
gonna be like
movie of the year
the movie of the line no idea
i remember showing up there and
i went in for the audition for todd phillips who have
known for a
while and i was
planning like a new york guy you know hey how you doing
this is eddie
and he likes when i improvise
so i was kind of improvising and i put a girl there
and when i got to the reading i said you know
maybe i’ll play him like you
know i’m from lebanon
if i make a very good
prize laugh
laugh laugh
so i show up i do my two days of work in vegas
bradley cooper i’ve
known for eight years i’ve
known zach for 15
i just done a
movie with ed
helms before that
and i’m talking
these guys name
dropper yeah yeah
thank you so much name
dropper and
but i remember
saying of talking to bradley i was like how’s it
going he goes i don’t
know dude i’ve done a
bunch of movies i don’t know if anybody’s
watching them you know
wow money i’m not making
and just it was this tiny
movie where none of them were making any
money i turn to todd phillips and i go
how much you make
of this movie i mean
he makes good
money he goes you’re making more than i am
i say what do you mean he goes
i deferred my
salary for a backend and i remember
literally thinking to myself i went
whatever dude you’re out of your mind
no stars it’s a
movie called hangover in vegas also
has to do now is be good
if it’s good people talk
about it just through networking facebook and twitter
and just that’s like find out
about shit but
you know i don’t
maybe you can
maybe you have a theory on why the hangover was
a phenomenal
thing because it was awesome
because it was fun because people went
to see it and they had a good time it’s that simple
yeah it was a really
i mean it was
a really kind of almost like a cliche subject
going to vegas and
going crazy and
partying and
we wake up what happened what went wrong
but it was done so well
every part about it was great
the acting was
great the stories were fun
they were silly but yet believable enough todd
phillips knows how to make a
movie that guy
he basically
wrote and directed bad santa
and nobody knows that
that was him
they gave him a 40
minute like
thing and harvey weinstein
was like you
gotta save this
movie and he
basically went back rewrote and re
did the whole
thing and shot it that guy’s
crazy he’s like
bob thornton
oh oh yeah yeah
i worked for
the nice guy really yeah
nice guy but you
see that interview in canada
he was on this really cool
radio show and i
think it’s in toronto
and the guy was talking to him the guy introduces
him in the band
and just for context
states that this guy’s a
you know academy award winning actor
and just you know to try to like
layer the story that this guy’s a bad
motherfucker
right right
giving him his props
billy bob goes into a hissy
fit because the guy was not supposed to mention acting
so he i love actors take
you make believe
for a living dude
exactly you’re not even
he’s like i’m a
musician do you not
understand i’m a
musician and you know he’s
just like answering
his questions all fucked up and we’re just trying to
throw the guy off
and the guy handles it amazingly the guy just
totally like rational
talking you know
totally calm
makes it through without any
freak outs me
harry’s got this fucking
world famous
you know academy award winning actor who’s
clearly being crazy
like mad at him
because he mentioned that he happened to win an
oscar well he’s been
married i think five times
right i mean
think about that for a
second you know i mean come on guys
how crazy is brad pitt that brad pitt does not look at
angelina jolie
and goes wait a
minute how nutty is this bitch
she fucked this guy
she fucked this guy and she
should take his
blood and wear it around her neck
okay what bumpy
it is what’s
going on here he’s probably really stung like
dude you got
blood around your neck you know like he’s probably i
think she just worked him i
think she came in i
think she’s an alpha
fucking female
vaginal predator
i think she just
grabbed him held him down
and and made a
meter pussy
and that was it she’s
done she just shut him off
you listen that
would have ended
by now i know i
think he’s a
that power goes away
what power her being able to be like oh
no with you she’s
magic maybe
with magic no
you know i was
i don’t mean to diss brad pitt i don’t really
you know have anything
against him but i was listening to
larry king once and
larry king was
talking this guy was like who the fuck is this dummy
and it turned out
to be brad pitt
i was listening in my car
i had no idea who the fuck it was i was this guy’s an
idiot who is this guy
larry king’s talking what is this guy do
we’ll be right back with brad pitt
and i was like wow
brad pitt is dumb
i mean look he’s a fucking actor he
doesn’t have to be
smart and maybe he is
smart nobody’s just
not good at talking nobody ever i always say
it might be
i mean some people come off badly in an interview
i know i have he’s a simple guy i
think he’s a simple guy who
had a certain bone
structure that cut
light well and
his strength
is he’s not afraid to look bad and not afraid
to take chances he keeps trying to be really good
well i think he’s
a really good actor like i thought he was awesome in
an interview with the
vampire that’s
like one of my favorite
roles ever yeah
but it’s also because
he hasn’t become a
victim to his good looks like he’s always
trying to do something
different and
his production company makes a lot of
money and does really makes really good
movies i’m not
saying he really is a retarded i really do
enjoy his acting
just thought a
fight club but
because he’s a movie star
because yeah and
well it’s also
it’s not even
that it’s just usually it’s the ability to project
a lot of times people they can be smart just
they’re not that good at stringing words together
and you know and coming off smart but
but you know
also intelligences compartmentalize you can be very
smart in one area and not
smart at all sure
and i think that was someone like brad pitt
i don’t think it ever made it was ever relevant for him
until probably
read a whole lot
about other things
when you’re a prince in hollywood and you’re
spending a lot of time on set
you can create deficits that way
or not fill in the holes you need to that’s one of the
things that i
loved about
brian when i
first met him was like here
was this guy who was an actor who wasn’t like actors
cause i had only been in hollywood when i met
brian for about a year
and i was just sick of it i was
ready to go back home
i was ready to
quit acting
and go back to
stand up comedy
new york i just didn’t like actors
and then i got newsradio and then i decided to stay
and then i met brian
but he was like the
first actor that i met that wasn’t like an actor you
guys were both on newsradio at one
yeah he played my
brother and
nick depalo
nick depaul
played my other brother that was awesome but
when i first came on the set here’s a perfect example
brian and i
were hanging out in this cafeteria and we were eating
and brian was doing some
impression or something and i was
laughing fucking
hysterically
it was really
funny shit and
this other guy
who was the actor who was on the show with us as well
was trying just to top brian
kept trying to top him
like everything
brian would say
he’d be like nettie be like man
bitch i got your shit
right here it was like really
wowed and trying too hard and it’s like a
sharp f when you’re listening to a symphony
and somebody’s going
with a horn
and you’re like who’s blowing that horn over
there yeah yeah it
doesn’t go so
it was just you know immediately i
could see like okay
here’s an actor
that guy’s an actor that’s what they’re like
you know or
any of those
really creepy needy
hollywood people they
wouldn’t have to be an actor
you know you
could be a comic and be like that you could be
be anything but you’ll be a singer and be like that
but it’s that creepy needy
entertainment i
think it has
to do with not having perspective
and putting yourself at the
center of the universe that’s what a lot of actors do
they actually
think that what they’re doing and what they
think and what they have to say is
historically relevant
and that comes from being
self involved to the nth degree
which in some ways i feel almost unique
sometimes to be an actor it
also is because of the environment on sets
when you’re on a set
everyone is kissing your ass
if you’re the star if you’re
some big guy and you’re on a set
everyone is
relying on you to pay
their bills
your success means that you know
they get to keep
their job and they get to buy a new house
so they’re always kissing you’re
treated like a prince
you’re treated like real
ridiculous you
could you could be
wrong about
things people won’t argue
and you see it you see
it like all the time yeah so people create their own
they create
their own reality and
and then everybody kind of
enters into this mutual
agreement that they’re
going they’re
gonna sort of
keep your reality a reality
especially when you know if you’re working long
hours which
they are in a lot of
movies and especially like a lot of hour tv shows
they work long ass fucking
hours and people get cranky
and when you get
cranky you want to just yell to get
things done
well that starts a precedent
and then they
get used to yelling at people and then it becomes
they’re allowed
to yell at people then it becomes oh here’s that
crazy actor he’s running
everything everybody
quiet quiet quiet
so they get this
completely distorted perception
of where they fit in the real circle of life
well fucking pretenders
but they’re locked in this
weird social
system that like
rewards it have you guys met john lithgow
and what is he like i’m
i have i read i did a
i auditioned
with him once really and he read with me it was kind of
exciting he was on
third rock from the sun when i was on news
radio i got
to meet him at one of those nbc
press junket
things yeah just
he’s a cool dude he’s a real actor he does a lot of
stage still in new york
and very nice guy
really really who’s that
guy from fargo
the guy with joe montagne
who’s that guy
what’s his name
bill oh bill
macy bill macy
hilarious actor
really really really awesome actor
i met him once
and i said hey man i really love that
movie you did with joe montehania
and he makes this
joe montagne
how is his name
joe montana joe montagne
martini yeah
so he goes it’s joe montagne
so he says that to me
and i’m like god i’m that fucking
idiot guy who’s saying
you really like something joe montagne
yeah i mean it’s like one of the few guys that
ever want to meet i mean fargo is one of my favorite
movies ever
so like me meeting
him was like wow i’m really meeting this guy
and he’s like it’s
joe antonio
like oh i gotta go now i’m just such a piece of
shit how many
people go up to joey diaz
thinking he’s the guy from the sopranos oh big
pussy yeah always
thinking joey
diaz is big
pussy from sopranos
that’s funny
well so what
i mean what was it
like for you coming into hollywood and dealing with all
these actor type
human beings because it is
like it really is
for people who don’t know
for people who have
regular jobs
it is shocking
when you’re when you
first get around actors it’s shocking
yeah because they’re telling you two plus two is 16
and it’s just the weirdest
world and they’re all democrats
all of them
because they
believe that there’s such
thing as being able to socially engineer
equality and that washington knows what to do with your
money i don’t even
think that i think they
think that the left is the best they think that
going left and being like this socially
aware person makes you look cooler in hollywood
it’s like a mindset that they
adopt without really considering
any of the different aspects of that mindset it’s just
it’s a hollywood
theme right
i was gonna say
a lot of times i find that
they don’t know that there’s an alternative out there
they don’t know that just saying
just because you’re not a left wing
doesn’t mean you’re a
quote unquote republican do you not go
crazy when you hear wheeze
when you hear like people go like they talk
about the democratic
party like well we’ve
gotta win this
yeah yeah it’s like you’re
thinking like it’s the dodgers well
also it’s a collectivist mindset
which if you look at history has
never really produced any results at all
what makes this country great is
individuals who take a chance and get rewarded for it
coming up with ideas and in a
way that’s actually the best way to create a community
i mean it’s hard to rely
on each other there’s a
broad spectrum
of ideas to lump them into two competing camps is
absolutely ridiculous
especially when people just
jump on either camp and
everything they say is gospel
and you’re a neanderthal if you don’t believe exactly
you said it you said it it’s like team it’s like two
different teams when you
watch the elections
our team versus your team and
any of your ideas be damned because my team’s gonna win
my favorite guy that i know
that i used to know who was a real like
liberal leftist like really like
everything wanted
reparations for slavery for real
believed that he called himself a feminist
i’m not bullshitting he called himself a
fan of us and when he was married
i believe he even
changed his name
he changed his wife’s name
he hyphenated and her name was last oh
what trying to reinvent the wheel
yeah he hyphenated
not not she hyphenated he hyphenated his own name
and accepted hers last is like the
dominant name that’s like the hot tip time machine dude
this guy was like
his body was made of jello
his hands were frail
and tiny and his
hips were odd
he had none
he had none he walked funny
there was like a
funny walked him
he just had
no ability to get out of the way of anything
but that’s his way
of making himself feel significant that was his game
his game was
i am gonna support
your rights as a
woman more than a man
than other women will i will do it as a man yeah
that’s my that’s his rap
yeah it’s real
it’s all it’s all it’s all like
that’s that he
figured out that that got him laid a couple times then
just bought into that’s all he had available what is he
gonna do is either
gonna do that or
gonna collect guns
you know that’s what he’s gonna do
he’s got one or the
other bro you’re
gonna go one extreme
you’re compensating whether you like it or
not your dick is an inch long and you’re made of jello
all right you’re compensating what
a disaster yeah
he was my favorite example of someone
who was just like
this guy was like would
treat you could not
have a discussion
about something
you could not have a
discussion about
war you could not have a discussion
about politics anything
that involved
the democrats and the republicans
could not have
it because as soon as you had an opposing
point of view
well like you don’t
think that maybe it’s a good idea to pay attention
to really radical
groups all over the
world you don’t
think that maybe is a good idea and that’s
maybe kept people safe
you fucking
right wing neanderthal
so he shuts you down oh yeah immediately he
builds a wall around you and so now you’re on that name
calling and
defines you
and it’s always you know
right wing which i’m the last person to be
right wing or
anyway well i always i always reject i always
i’m more of a
libertarian
i’ve just always believed that
i believe that
human beings know how to govern themselves i
think you have to have a certain amount of government
i believe you have to have roads and you have to have a
strong defense you have to have police
force i believe in that
stuff however
i think we are
i don’t want to say we’re headed toward this
trend but i
think that the danger has always been and george
washington said that people will invent laws to take
their own power away from them
there’s always a danger that a centralized bureaucracy
will get enough power become a leviathan
where it just
starts needing more and more resources
and you lose your freedoms
you do in the name of making the
world a better place there’s always a benevolent
concept behind it but
i i think that the the best way to look at things is
when people say you’re conservative well i was
i don’t like that i don’t like when people say
that because what they’re saying is that i am somehow
it has in its connotation the idea that i am
very stodgy and very
strict and very controlling
whereas i’m actually
quite the opposite i believe i’m
you could call me
right wing certainly not left wing because i believe in
maximum personal freedom
i believe you
should legalize drugs because i
think people know
essentially how to
govern themselves and if they don’t they’re people are
gonna do drugs anyway
that’s just one example
but i think for the most part
government should be
treated like a necessary evil
not a huge engine for good the only problem with
legalizing drugs
is that if and
this is i mean
this is an argument and i’m
not exactly sure i support it but this is the argument
the argument is that if you made drugs legal
then big corporations
would step in
and be even more out of control because they
would realize that the real
money is in selling people
these drugs that used to be illegal
and they would package them and make them very
cheap and very available and because of the fact
there’d be so
much of it because there’d be profit in it that people
would do it that
wouldn’t ordinarily do it
i don’t necessarily buy it
but i do think that you have to be really careful of
allowing anybody to make a living or make
money or get rich
off of something that can fuck
other people up
like cigarettes you
consider about
cigarettes now
they’re pimps
the people that are selling
cigarettes right now
look i know there’s
billions and billions of dollars in
cigarettes but
you know what the fuck you’re doing
you know what the fuck you’re doing period
bait anymore this isn’t 1950s with
those camels on
tv you’re putting yourself
up i recommend
camels yeah
you know it’s not that you’re fucking yourself for sure
and you’re making
billions of dollars off people fucking themselves
but don’t you
think that there’s always
gonna be a segment of the
population that is
going to just
abuse themselves i
think that certain
people do drugs and whether or not they’re
legal or not it
would probably raise the
the usage maybe
but for the most part i
think when people who want to get high
they find a way to get high
it’s true but the idea that you can profit off that
i think i don’t think you
should be able to profit
off people are profiting people over people are
profiting now you know the
local drug dealer so
i don’t think that
should be legal
i think you know i’m all for
drugs being
legal sort of as a
statement yeah i’m all for drugs being legal
i’m not for you know
i’m totally for social
darwinism but
i can see this as an argument
that’s all i’m saying i’m not saying that i support it
i’m saying i can see the argument that if you did there
would be more access there
would be more of it and you
would have even more
of a problem than we have already of corporations being
basically sociopathic
you know not caring
is profit ahead of
you know these questions
are getting
only more and more relevant
and deeper and deeper and and
this is the
other issue
we are now coming up with
technology the
genies out of the bottle we’re coming up with
technology that
has the potential to do incredible good but
also be incredibly destructive for example
is scientists are now
learning how to create new life
forms out of
synthetic material that have
never existed and they’re creating
self replicating proteins
what does that mean
that means that
in 20 30 40 years nobody knows but this
stuff is moving exponentially
you’re probably
going to have computers machines whatever
you want to call them that replicate themselves right
what do you do what is the
dialogue and what are the questions that accompany that
what is to say that
these machines
will have a respect for
their biological heritage
you tell me is there a guarantee
there probably is no there’s no guarantee and if
they become intelligent and they develop some sort of a
self defense mechanism
and it’s like skynet that’s
what it really is
that’s what
every computer scientist
that is the conversation that guys like ray kurzweil
and these computer scientists
are talking
about yeah it’s a real conversation that’s not
being addressed anywhere else when people are talking
about lindsay
lohan going to jail
well exactly and
exactly and that’s the
tidal wave that’s
coming that nobody sees very few people see that
we’re gonna i think
our futures are
gonna be so
radically altered in the next 20 years
i don’t think we’re
even i don’t
think we’re even
aware of how radical the changes have been that have
taken place in our life
things are gradual you get used to it
we get used to the fact that we’re doing this
thing right now and
thousands of
people are listening to it live and it’s
going out all over the world
as a podcast hundreds of thousands of people
and it’s through
just a fucking
sitting in a room in my
house well by
the way the internet is just it’s 5 000 days old
the internet is 5 000 days old
people don’t
ever realize put it into context but if you think
about how long it’s been around for 15 years
that’s 5 000 days
a little over 5 000 days
so the internet has just been around for 5 000 days
now what’s gonna happen
in 20 000 days
jesus christ
think about how fast
this stuff is moving yeah yeah
it’s staggering
it’s hard to really wrap your head around
it it’s hard to wrap your head around the fact that
200 years ago
the best way to get around was to ride an animal
200 years ago if
you wanted a
picture of someone you had to draw it
yeah there was no cameras 200 years ago
that’s incredible
just incredible that’s two lifetimes
two lifetimes
and everything’s
radically changed yeah
the internet’s
totally like a drug nowadays they’re
gonna find a way to sell the internet
to you like a drug a little bit you know
i just can’t believe that the government’s not like
grabbing a hold of the internet
and trying to make as much
money as possible they
can’t the government
the problem is you look at it as the government yeah
the government but the government it’s like it would be
great if there was only like ten people on the earth
and there was
like two dudes and they were the government
then that would work
but the same people
that would profit
off drugs then
the same people have profit off
well how would they do that
they would censor it they would
they can’t i don’t think
you’re talking about
first of all the government
the government is a several different
race is about 50 different competing entities
right i don’t
think it’s possible
but i’m just
saying that it’s amazing that they you know
which brings up this subject that i wanted to talk
about hr five
seven four one slavery
this is that yeah
charlie rangale
i think that’s how you say rangle
rangle yeah
he is proposing this
bill that everyone served
two years of service
mandatory service
whether it be in the military or military support
and the reason why he’s proposing this
is because he believes that the war is
wrong and that he wants to
make a point by
if these congressmen
aren’t willing to go themselves
if they’re not willing to send
their family
and their loved ones
then they shouldn’t be supporting this war which is
very fair it makes sense but
the problem is it’s
still it’s like
you can’t even offer that up as an option
as a rational option
you can’t offer up two years mandatory service
fuck you asshole
you know fuck you to make a
point you know if you want to make a
point do with your
mouth don’t propose shit that will enslave people
you know it’s a
throwback it’s not
gonna work but
it works in
europe works
it works here israel
we had it here
for a long time we had a mandatory draft
until the 1960s
yeah but that
was that was a
draft that’s
a little bit different this is mandatory service for
every single person
everyone served in certain
countries yeah
everyone served two years mandatory minimum
yeah but you know good luck charlie i mean
good luck trying to get well
he’s not gonna get it past and i don’t
think he wants to get it passed but by
point he was
making a point but even that
point suggesting that is that’s like fucking treason
i just agreed
it out there that that’s a rational argument
you are lowering the
standards of opposition
you’re saying
if you are supposed to be the
thing that’s protecting us
from the military
industrial complex and the global machine
it’s supposed to be our
elected representatives
and our elected representatives are proposing
that everyone be enslaved by the fucking country
and being forced to do two years of mandatory
service no matter what your job is
fuck you exactly
fuck you by
the way by the way that’s exactly what i’m talking
about government will if you give if you
allow government to and i’m talking
about just any leviathan any huge
they will they will take your
power away from you
history shows that
time and time
again doesn’t have to be
right or left wing about that
that’s just a that’s
open a history book
yeah it runs on momentum
and the problem is
our society is so complex
that 90 of the people
90 of the time are doing shit
that they don’t want to be doing to support the machine
the machine is that big that’s right
it’s so good well
think about when
taxes are 48
in some brackets
or well actually in this country that 38
38 of your day is working for the government you 38
of your time you are working for someone else and you
never see the benefits of that you
think not only
that but your tax
money that you’ve already paid
taxes on it
you get taxed
again when you buy
things your
sales tax exactly
oh and by the way when you
leave your inheritance to your kids you
that gets taxed oh and by the way at 60
that you’ve already been taxed yeah
and your social security if you die
before your social security the government gets that
money your family
doesn’t get that
money so all that
money you’re putting away you better live
till you’re 65 and then you get it in increments
so there are a lot of issues that
but isn’t this the main
issue there’s too many people
that’s the main
issue the main
issue is this
thing is gigantic
and it’s totally
out of control and one of the reasons why
is that there’s too many of us
people have been saying that for a long time and i
think that’s certainly an issue
but i happen to believe that
human beings with
technology and
their imagination will be able to accommodate
the 9 billion
people that are coming in the next 15 years
i mean 9 billion more no
we’ll be at 9 billion in
about 15 years from most projections
in fact most of the
populations including the middle east the mean
age is 35 years old so
a lot of competent
countries are actually have
stable or negative
population growth
even in africa they just did a they just
these invest
like moody’s or something said that africa
african bonds are actually
worth investing in because huge
swaths of africa are now seeing a middle class
360 million of them have cell phones
what comes with that
is less children
because as people
move into cities and away from rural areas
they don’t have as many children
and so what’s
been surprising that nobody predicted in the 70s
when you had
things like the
population bomb that was written in
things is that
population in a lot of countries
especially europe
and now more and more in the middle east
has actually
started to stabilize and decline germany has a zero
population growth
really a zero zero
mexico mexico
which a lot of people
think well that you know they’re
exploding the
population because they have a lot of children here
mexico now is down to i believe
26 children
a couple when it used to be
literally you know
eight nine so people
people as they as they get access to information
say i want more for me why do i want 15
children’s are fucking
crazy with kids man
it’s funny that
that’s like an insult somehow another you know
if you say something
about mexicans you know you say
which got like
eight kids and every
oh what are you racist
like no mexicans
have a lot of kids and kids are awesome
why is it a bad
thing to have a lot of kids
right dude you know i love
kids they work hard i love having kids they’re awesome
like if you got
eight i’m not hating on you
but why is it
funny that if you’re mexican you have
eight kids you say that and be like oh yeah asshole
by saying that asshole
no certain cultural
things are very resilient it’s like
black people with chicken and watermelon
why is that bad chicken and
watermelon are both awesome yeah
you know i love them i love
watermelon it’s fucking delicious and i love chicken
how come you can’t
bring up you know if you get
a black waiter
what would you
like i’d like some chicken and
watermelon like that there’ll be some tension but
a lot of that comes back to you know in the
in the 50s in the
south they would make posters of a
black you know of course i know
where it all comes from but it’s
2010 why are
we hanging on to that yeah man chicken is awesome
right fried chicken
tastes awesome
and watermelon
tastes awesome
how are those back
take the power away from chicken and
watermelon that’s
ridiculous i can’t wait
till they combine the two although i’m not a fan of the
grape soda huh
not really great
crush a great
crush in a bottle
you know you know brennan
city has a joke
where he says that
that brothers are
the one thing that one
place they’re
not cool like they’re usually really way cooler than
white people
and he goes and i
heard i was
watched a bunch of
black guys in the audience just die over this he goes
the one blazed you guys are not cool
is when you when you see a
magic trick
like when they see
magic they’re like oh shit
come around
they jump around they run out of the room
they come back and
stuff it was so
funny brennen hurts is funny
oh god yeah
he’s a good dude
he’s another
dude brett’s a really good guy not like a comedian
no brett brett’s a very normal dude he is that’s
just there’s not that many there’s more
comics that are like that than our actors for sure
comics are much more humbled by life you know
it’s much more difficult
you know i have to be more
grounded i was gonna say
about la when i
first came you know i had been mike
childhood i’d
grown up in
seven different
countries you know
yeah you too
you had a really interesting life i
don’t know how much of it you’re allowed to talk about
you know how to talk
about your dad
yeah i mean you
know no but
no but no but
i was i was
bounced around so many different
countries i mean i didn’t live in the same place
until i was
15 for a year i mean
i was saudi arabia 11 on pakistan greece
india the philippines
constantly bounced around and then
to get me what i know
well i am i’m very
people don’t know is
brian was the other
voice in my
getting pumped
audio clip if you’ve heard it like
stern used to play it all the time
like mikey and this guy were
in the basement
flat come on your ass looks awesome come on
muscular we
we did that it was that was him and i and it was
over at warner brothers with ginger lin
yeah yeah yeah
but you guys need to make a sequel to that
well i wrote
about it i wrote one where they wind up sucking each
other off because they shave each other’s balls
like you know i don’t think i’m thinking
about getting dick surgery like
your dick is awesome it’s huge
you know what
you need to do you need to shave your pubes
like shave your
pubes yeah you shave your pubes makes you
cut why is it
check mine out look at that it’s all shaved
my dick looks way bigger right
i don’t remember what it used to look
like come on let me see what your boom see we got there
he pulls his
pants down he’s got like all this pubes like
i can’t even see a dick it’s a fucking
it’s a forest in here we’re gonna
start trimming
and then he
trims it down he’s like wow that kind of tickles
look your cock looks huge now it doesn’t i
swear to god
i think i would
start gagging if i had that dick in my
mouth come on
and then they start face fucking each
other it’s like really violent but
in a straight way
it was a story that i
wrote about on my blog it’s an absolute true story
a buddy of mine was a director of porno films
and he invited us to a porno
party me and a bunch of guys from jiu jitsu
so we get there
and we’re like we were thinking what is a porno
party gonna be like it’s all porno stars like this is
gonna be a freak show
right we get there no it’s all dudes
it’s all dudes and people who work for the
it’s basically like their rap party
and a few girls show up okay
and oh you went over there that was the one we went to
so obvious thing oh my god so they say
so they say sit down we’re
about to everybody please be seated we’re
about to start the movie
and it’s this movie that’s like it’s art porn
and it’s like real acting and real plots with porn
so it’s death okay i mean the acting is the
worst ever they’re projecting it inside of a
building by the way exactly it’s like really blurry
so while this is going on
this one chick i won’t even say her name she’s getting
fucking plowed on the screen
this guy is
just fucking her face he’s just got her mounted and i
guess that’s her
thing and she likes to gag and shit so
while this all is going on
someone goes she’s here
so she pulls up and a guy gets out of the car
and then she gets out of the car
and the guy
starts walking towards this screen
with this look
on his face like he cannot fucking believe what he
thinks their
first shades
got this this guy’s
going ass to
mouth on her
he’s going ass
mouth ass mouth
and his every time we’d
fuck her in
the ass we’d be like this like hard like you
could hear his balls slapping off of her ass
it was like the way i describe is like two
chalkboard erasers
so he’s like fuck it her ass
and then her
mouth when he’s fucking her
mouth it’s like she’s an otter it’s like
and this dude is just fucking her
mouth fucking her ass fucking her
mouth fucking her ass
i mean it is brutal it’s brutal it’s a hate
fuck he’s spitting in her face i mean it’s fucking
hardcore and this kid is looking at this
and his jaw is totally drop
and i start like inching towards him i’m like i
wanna know if this kid knows
does he know
this can’t be
possible he had no idea he had no idea it was their
first date it was their
first date she told him that she was a makeup artist
and she took him
to a fucking porn
premier but
she didn’t know they’re
gonna be playing her life
no no no she
did not on the side of a
building somehow another she thought he wasn’t
gonna find out that she’s a porno star
so she goes i was
gonna tell you
that’s exactly
how she said it like this
i was gonna tell you
and and then we
grabbed the guy and we interviewed him and i took
pictures of him chair
he held it together dude the
guy was i wonder
if they markably
i think you know immediately the poor guy
look she was hot as fuck
yes and the poor
guy probably thought
wow i got a real hottie
that’s fucked up that she
didn’t say anything well she’s fucked up she’s crazy
yeah but i mean
you know like just
stds alone you
should tell
somebody well
nothing happened i mean she
doesn’t have any responsibility
until they fuck
maybe she wasn’t
gonna get him
our pal who
i can’t name
um had a hot
date with a porn star he thought
he got over to her
place and you know
hey you want to come over
smoke a little pot sure
so he goes over place
smokes a little pot with her
tries to bust a move it’s just like no no no
i just want us to be
smoking buddies
that’s what
she said to him
and so i get you for your
amazing conversation oh
that’s terrible that’s the
worst ever i just
wanna be your
smoking but you’re
right there and that
must have been very similar
to how this well this guy must have felt a lot worse
but he probably felt
like this hot girl
she’s super hot i’m
gonna go to her
party at work
fuck it she’s so hot look at her body my god
and then he gets out of the car
you trying to show me you’re a good girl now fuck
it’s like you were so
close and i fuck
and i’m the one guy you don’t fuck i’m the one guy
dude you bang stranger she’s a living
as fuck he’s beating
after all the time waiting for this
oh yeah we’re gonna have this hot
date we’re gonna hang out can you say who the boys
always knew
gets over place
terrible sorry i just want to be smoking buddy that’s
awful sorry
no sorry tired of sex sorry
this little tiny skirt throw you off and
these ten inch heels did you really
think that i was gonna fuck you
oh my god that makes me mad oh my
god i’m not like that that makes me angry
he said if you’re a
woman and you do porn you have to make it really
clear with dudes that can’t fuck you yeah
i say oh by the way
you can’t fuck me
yeah you know you can’t just say it’s never
gonna work either come on over my house and
smoke some weed at night
oh okay you figure
yeah what’s gonna happen there you want a massage
yeah we’ll stop off
and pick up some condoms oh
squirting lotion
on her back and oh finger my asshole what
finger your asshole
i just want to be smoking buddies
his alarm clock went off
high heels right him up i had a little
work and this is like a real porns the girl guy
porn star oh
fuck yes i don’t remember who it is she’s og
she’s a fucking she’s a talented performer yeah
high heels and
shit my favorite
shit why do guys always why do straight guys always
pretend they’re like
joke around in a gay way it’s so funny
that’s a gross thing my buddy kristalia
sends me pictures sometimes unless it’s funny
yeah you know krystalia right
krystalia where
in the crystal is a young comic really
funny guy and i’ll get pictures on my cell phone
it’ll just be
a picture of his like his
stone washed jeans
with kind of
like just the bulge of his pants
it’ll just be a close up shot
he’s like keep up the good work brian
to some innocuous
thing i’m like what the fuck
or then i get a picture the other day on my phone
and he’s got his heart on
wrapped in a sheet he’s holding
on a sheet like that
and the caption says dude there’s a ghost in my room
i was like what the fuck
dude that’s okay i’m glad we put that in the podcast
cause somebody needs to put that in the
movie oh it was the funniest thing in the
world pay him or put him in the movie and have him i
show up with a laugh actor
i show up a laugh actor
and he’s like hey and he’s got his
phone i walk into his
phone and it’s him
holding his dog he’s got a little fluffy
white dog with glasses on
and half a heart on standing
marching his
chest like that with his dog
i went oh what are you doing
and then he walked by me as i was talking and take his
phone and rub it across my face and
i was like it’s just a strange thing
oh that’s hilarious
if it wasn’t for gay people we would be missing a big
chunk of the fun in our culture absolutely
elton john style sunglasses and they start
the trends they
start the fashion trends man
guys about that’s gay and
then four years later they’re like
where that what’s really funny is like
you know rob halford
is like the originator of all that
like leather
fucking dominatrix type shit
you know the way he dresses on stage
and he was gay
and he got all these people to
dress like him it’s fantastic i mean how many people
dressed the way they
dressed you
know that wanted
to be like rockers because of rob halford
from judas priest yeah
fucking a lot of them he was gay he was gay
gay as fuck
so was pete townsend
pete townsend
did a lot of gay shit
pete townsend i
guess is i don’t know if he’s gay or he did a
lot of gay shit he said he knows what it’s like to be a
woman yeah he said i know and i remember
roger daltrey
heard that and
i thought we weren’t talking about this i
pete townsend
fucked a couple of guys or got fucked i bet
dultry tried it too i bet they all did it i mean look i
think there’s always that college
stuff i think
i was out of a
speedo all of a sudden i’m gay
do we get raped on nas
i didn’t i did not
we have a funny
story that we probably can’t tell
probably tell that story
that was a weird situation
well you were
there so you saw it and i got vindicated in the end
of course you did
and i knew i was
here’s the situation that happened
brian had a friend and the friend
had a lady friend that happened to be an exotic dancer
and we went to told me to go he told him to go to
visit her at her
place of employment and you saw
the girl make a
bee line for me and
dance yeah not just dancing
she was she
hopped on top of brian
and immediately
straddled her vagina
onto his deck
and started
gyrating her
pussy and you’re
saying you’re saying
this girl wants a bang i go i know but i don’t have
clearance for
my friend yet i don’t know if it’s allowed but i
think it’s insinuated but i
still wasn’t
gonna do it because you can’t
it was ridiculous so
um you know i
think you asked me to go with you when you
dropped her off yes you
felt uncomfortable yes
i want you to
come yeah so
you got a headache
i’m out of here i was like dude
you come with me because i’m this is bad because she’s
gonna give me a ride
and it’s my girls
my boys girl
and and it just
doesn’t look good
so i don’t know if he turned into the wolf man
after i left no
no i was at the sheriff this is the but
can you say what she accused you of yeah
she accused me of making like getting
rough with her actually i found it
later i didn’t even know that was the acquisition
shit that i actually got physical with her and
tried to you
know make her
kiss me and fool around with her and
stuff like that
which is kind of like saying the guy
tried to rape me
you know what i mean
at least when people hear that they go the guy’s a
closet rapist
but what happened was
it was the hilton or the sheraton
and i was on the
third floor
which actually means the lobby
it’s on the
lobby the third
floor and so
i said she said let me use your bathroom and she
dropped me off
she goes i need to use your bathroom instead of
using the bathroom in the
lobby i need to use your bathroom
and we go to my room and i go i’m dead
she’s in my room now
right that and
by the way i’m an animal
i’m not i’m not a
saint i’m not a good guy
i mean i i it’s like i’m a 12 stepper i mean you got a
girl in my in my
in my hotel
she’s been dancing on me all
night and nobody’s watching
yeah and by the way
if i do fool
around with my friend better forgive me because
i’m just a guy if he’s like me
right you know
he shouldn’t be attached to her anyway she’s correct
what’s going on correct
but i and you thought
maybe that would have been the
you were thinking like i
think you might want me to fuck
her well yeah why else
would it be
saying yeah yeah
yeah she’s this
crazy exactly but
you know then she’s in my room and i go i
start acting i
start doing
i got nervous so i
started acting
silly i was joking around
and she could tell
cause she wanted
some wine said you have any wine in my mini bar
and i poured her wine
i go this is how it’s
gonna start this is getting bad
i’m already guilty i’m done i’m already guilty
so i start she goes a you’re a
freak aren’t you you’re a
freak or something
like that i go
yeah i’m a freak and i
start doing this
i’m a freak
and she can see that i’m nervous
and she goes
are you gonna go back and tell
such and such that i was in your room
and i go no
no i’m not actually i’m not at all
in fact here’s my last
twenty bucks i
spent all my
money on you
which was really inappropriate anyway and
remember it was
twenty bucks i go give this to the valet
and we’ll just say that you drop me off that
would be way better for me because this is already bad
sorry that situation
she gets up goes out
and the next day
or i guess that
weekend i booked that cbs show but i go back to do oz
and i literally nobody will look at me
and then i got written out and
i was the person that this happened there was a huge
scene he tried to
yeah you tried to attack him but you know he was like
the girl told him
and he was like
you know he didn’t know he thought this guy got what
she was crying
what she didn’t want was
what she didn’t want was
that she came back to your room she had a 12 year old
child she had a meal ticket
and all of a
sudden because she makes this mistake she had to sell
somebody down somebody’s
going down the
river not her
daughter it’s
gonna be me
right and so i
never held any i honestly
never held any resentment
i put myself in that position
i was responsible for it i paid a
price by the way i got
some people just can’t help but be crazy
you know it’s very unfortunate
when you’re talking
about a girl who’s a you
know exotic dancer la
probably on drugs i mean a good percentage well
or she had a
twelve year old
daughter that that was
she went wow i got this chance to be with this guy
could be a star
and i just screwed that up
and i might have just
screwed that up and
you know i gotta silence my
phone i’m sorry i thought i did
so i just never and we reconcile me and the guy
you love well he
found out the
truth and it was fine
yeah i saw him
like right after it happened
i know thank god what a mess
the whole thing was just such a mess
in a bad situation
i felt almost a little bit guilty that i had left her
alone with you
yeah because i
you know i knew you were
creeped out yeah i
was long as time ago
you were really
creeped out and
i was like you’re
gonna be alright
right and so i left i remember
that so well i remember you saying i have a headache
i go just drive
drive with us you know
like i can’t do that i’m
going home i remember that so well
yeah i just remember
when it was all
going down like when we
were at the club i was like this is nothing but trouble
this is a nightmare
this is a first of all she wasn’t even
attractive no
she was not i mean i’m not bullshit no
she was an unattractive
girl she did not have a good body
did not have a good face and
if you were
gonna go get
dances there was a
bunch of really
attractive girls there
and you probably
would have picked someone else
if that’s what you were there for
so it was like she worked you for
money anyway
because you got in there and she
climbed on it wasn’t
like she did she did work she did work because
she kept saying you want another
dance and you kept peeling off money i
remember i told you to sit next to me
so it didn’t look like you
just dancing on
me about dude you
gotta sit next to me because
i i don’t want you know she’s dancing on me the
whole time i even got you a
dance from another girl to
get her off your lap
i remember i paid a pretty girl to go over and
dance with him but you know what
now as you get older
you know what you do you get up and
leave yeah yeah
you don’t go there in the
first place
but when you’re
young we’re such
idiots we were
such idiots
but we were
retarded but
sane enough to know that this was a
giant monster problem
that was just one step
along the way of me realizing that
crazy girls aren’t really fun
used to think crazy
like remember me yeah dude i was the king of that
you dude no one no one
joe it’s joe it’s
sniffing out so fast he’d go
he’d i’d be in this girl i mean dating her and like
he’d go she’s crazy
i go no no no no she’s a good girl
no dude she’s
crazy you need to run now
nah i’m not
gonna listen joe
six months later pregnant what my house
yeah i’ve got
an unusual ability to spot people who are off
there’s a smell that they have there’s a way
that they communicate with me i don’t know what it is
maybe it’s cause i’m a little aggressive
and even though
i’m really nice and friendly there’s something
about me that just puts people on a little bit of an
edge you say i look like i
could be a douchebag
you saved me
but because of that but
because of that like because i have this
weird thing
about me sometimes people get a little uneasy
and when people get a little uneasy just for a
second they reveal who they really are
there’s just something
about people when they know you’re looking at them
they know you’re paying attention to them it’s like
when you’re going on
stage and you’re bombing on
stage you know that
hyper sensitive
feeling that you have of being judged and
watched and you’re falling short
well when people are
crazy and you look at them funny
you know and
you try they’ll just show it to you
that’s very just
like i’m crazy but
sometimes when
you do it to me it
creeps me out like alright this guy’s
gonna rape me
you know it’s not
but used to
keep it together you
keep it together
i don’t snap
crazy people you have to
allow them to pretend that they’re normal
you have to allow them you give them time you know
you have a conversation with them
things get rolling and you go well i’m just
gonna let this guy get away with this all right bob
well very nice meeting you enjoy
indeed you know
but if you don’t do that
i feel like why are you talking to me like that
what’s going on here
are you are you
crazy like what’s going on here right
but if you expose that right away then all the
crazy juice comes flying
out interesting
because you’ve always been so good at that man
always just
i nails a bunch of his
how many i nailed one well you
saved my you
but joe saved
my yeah you
saved my life though with that
i got i was
gonna get married because
somebody got pregnant and yeah
you literally were on the
phone going i’m losing you man i’m losing you
you’re talking yourself into it i know you
this is not the girl you
wanna spend the
rest of your life with you i’m losing you i remember
and i compared her to patty
cause his ex
girlfriends was like super cool
super intelligent like really fun to be around
this girl was just a zombie just a mess it was just
it was all bad energy
and fucking just
bad and then
he was like telling me that this is it he’s
gonna settle
down i’m like whoa you know having a kid is one
thing that’s not in your control but
you cannot fucking
marry this chick
like you should have
run away from her a long time ago yeah
and she was the best
thing i ever did
i was around so many of them
i got to smell them i got to know what they were well
la come on man
that’s the one
place i never got used to i was
gonna say i
lived overseas the
point of that was
i can get used to anything la is the one
place i actually
never really got used to because you ran into so many
crazy people
yeah and people who
live in the rest of the country i don’t
think you really can understand
how nutty it is just
think of this place
and there’s this place
where everyone gravitates to that has a deficit
like really needs
an incredible amount of attention
and we’re both guilty of it you know
i mean look there’s only one way you become a comedian
you have to have a fucked up
childhood where you’re not
loved enough
it’s just this fact
and it freaks my mom out
when i say that and it’s not her and
she did her best
but my parents are divorced and
i don’t know my dad
and you’ve got your issues and i’ve got my issues and
all actors have
their issues all of them there’s no
other reason
there’s a few people
you know who’s cool that dude from
vegas josh duhamels
he’s a good
guy we’re fucking cool as shit like regular down to
earth there’s a
bunch of it like that
mario lopez is like that just regular normal down
there dude very cool
but most people
no most people are
they have this
giant hole and
that’s how they’ve made it to the top of the heap
because their
whole is so needy
that they’re just
stuffing things into it all the time
to try to stay
famous i mean
it’s just a mad sickness and an obsession
and here’s this one
place on the map
where everyone
gravitates to to try
to be the next that guy they want to be tom cruise or
you know and there’s
they outnumber everyone else
and even if you get like out here
where i live like out deep into the burbs
you find them like the ones that have given up
you know they all have aspirations
you know there’s
wives down the
street here they want to be on the
real housewives of fucking calabasas or some shit
you know i mean there’s
there’s all
of them they wanted to be a singer didn’t work out
there’s so many of them it’s like my
buddy was like my
buddy was like why does my dentist have a
screenplay fuck right
or a headshot or a headshot really jesus
you dig a little
bit and you find out everybody came out here oh
dude that’s why you sit through traffic and
how many people try to get
you to read their shit
and we just had a situation
well dude i’ve had so many situations
but guys who try to get me to produce their shit
like i have this idea i just want to produce a
pilot do you
think you can help me like
what are you talking about man
i deal with it
every single day
our favors everyone has favors to
like i need help can you
film this audition for me
or do this for that can you help me get in the comedy
a magic club
like i don’t even know you do can i open for you
on the road it’s like it’s it’s constant yeah and and
and you need
needs never good either
i mean did you ever
email someone and ask them if you can open for them
no especially when you were an open micer i’ve had
open micers that ask
this is one kid
from england
and he sends me this
thing he says he’s
one of the youngest headliners ever in england
and he wants to co
headline with me
next time i do a gig up there
and he’s worked
with this guy and that guy he’s coming to america soon
what the fuck are you talking
about i need you yeah
you know what that’s exactly what my show is missing
i need a co
headliner a
young co headliner just you
would decide that you
would attach yourself to someone else’s show
i could even imagine
thinking like that
like if someone was playing in town like say
if when i was first
starting out you know bill hicks was coming into town
when i was an open micer
you know the idea that you
would call hey can i get
seven minutes on bill hicks a show
like what well i
think it’s a question that a lot of just need a
constant need
and they don’t
understand you gotta earn
things and it takes time
yeah well there’s plenty of
places to get on
stage the time to get on
stage is not during a professional show it’s during all
those bringer shows and
you know and
then you eventually put together an act and then people
put you on your show because they want you on the show
you don’t go like
so listening forward on
other people’s shows but
stand up is also one of
those strange
things like acting but
especially stand up
where you know if you can be an actor it’s like
you can be an actor and get away with it sometimes like
you can be a good looking 22 year old and get a show
and actually make a lot of
money for five years and then that parlay is no another
show and before you know it you’ve got like a big
house and millions of dollars right
cause you know if
you’re somewhat emotionally available and you know but
a stand up is one
thing you cannot fake can’t fake it
and don’t tell me you
wanna get into it when you’re 38 it’s just
gonna be a waste of your time
see you’re not
gonna be willing to do the
things that you have to do
in order to get good at it
you have to live it
you have to be there
every night you have to perform
everywhere you
gotta do coffee shops and shitholes and
dive bars the only way
in is through and
it’s also a
rhythm like i never
i never take
people ask me how come
i perform every week
well because if i take too much time off i lose my
rhythm like
it’s like a song in a way you know and
if you’re not thinking
about it you’re not writing new
stuff either you
gotta come you
gotta constantly be it’s constantly
alive you have to keep it
alive if i don’t perform every week
i’ll go sometimes
where i’ll take a couple weeks off and then i do a show
i always feel it i always feel like a little off
but then when
you do like a weekend a long weekend somewhere
thursday friday saturday
you know by the time
sunday rolls around you just a juggernaut
yeah i liken it to sort of
i was in canada and it was a
sunday i had one of the best shows i’ve ever had and
i likened to it i got this feeling i got this kind of
like kind of i felt like
this warm kind of
cloudy feeling
and i knew i didn’t have to really do anything like
everything kind of took over
you ever feel that way
we’re outside
and you’re riding it i’m coming up with jokes
like they’re coming to me on stage
it’s like that flow
that it’s the
greatest feeling that’s when
you’re tuning in
i mean that’s really what you’re channeling right
it is like you’re
channeling i always say that and i described this on
stage this way
that when i’m at my best it’s like i’m a passenger
it’s like i’m riding it
and there’s a
great story
about this the guy who won the
field medal in mathematics he was a guy
he figured out
a math equation they’d been trying to figure out
since 1806 and the answer was
357 pages long or something like that yeah
gives you an idea so he wins the
field medal in mathematics which is
which is worth
a million dollars
and it’s the nobel
prize for math
basically it’s the fields
medal right
it’s the most prestigious
thing so this
genius he’s the siberian guy
oh i heard about this guy he disappeared the
money yeah he did
well he disappeared
and they found him
in his aunts like
shack fishing shack like a year later
and they were like
you know bbc was like look you won this
feels metal
why didn’t you take it and he said
well you guys are worshipping the
wrong thing you
should be worshipping it’s like worshipping the
radio the receiver instead of the actual
music because
the answer has always been in
the template in the sky i just happen to have a certain
frequency and
wiring that was able to channel it through my body
don’t worship
me for being
wired a certain way
i just channeled it worship
the actual equation i went you know what that’s a
great way of looking at
everything that’s
what a lot of artists
believe you know
a lot of people call it the
muse and they’ve
called it that for thousands of years that
you know something comes to you and gives you
these ideas
you know like the
story you’re
gonna write already
exists what is the guy wrote the
war of art is that
press field
press field
press field
book great book
for creative people
who are into
you know like
something that gives you like inspiration to
write and work
it’s a really good book it’s called
the war for art and he talks
about war of art talks
about war of art talk
about he talks
about resistance
resistance is constant yeah but if you keep showing up
enough it’ll the gods will kind of reveal
yeah in pieces
your story yes
and he talks very openly
about the idea that
you know amuse comes to him
and stephen king i’ve
heard him say something very similar as well
and i always say that i feel like when when my ideas
come to me when they come to me it’s when i’m empty
when i’m empty
and then they’re
just filing in and i’m just sort of sorting them out
along the way
when they come to me on
stage i’ve had bits come to me on
stage full bits
me too me too
just comes to me
it might be two
three minutes long and i’ll keep
going on it
and it’s crazy it’s like inside of the sky
it’s so weird isn’t it
i allow myself
for that to happen on purpose i put myself in
tricky situations
i’ll put myself like
i’ll start talking
about something
where i don’t have any
bit on it i don’t even know what i’m gonna say
and i’ll put myself in that situation so that
i’m on my hyper comedy mode
cause i’m on
stage and there’s pressure
cause people are watching
and sometimes
it works and sometimes it doesn’t
if it doesn’t it
seems like i’m talking
about nonsense for
like a minute
and then i transition
quickly into something that i know is
gonna be funny let me get back but
every now and
then you’ll go down a road and then oh look i
found a bag of gold and there’s just this
and you almost
can’t take credit for that no you can’t
musicians talk
about it like
jazz musicians call it swinging
and when they’re out on that limb
and they’re
swinging they
gotta find their way back in a thematic way
that comes back to the original tune they were playing
and that’s what milton went marseille
was on well you
know that exists in
jiu jitsu and that exists
in even in playing pool
there’s a thing in playing pool you call
where you’re in dead stroke
when you’re in dead stroke
it’s like your arm
is tuned into the
stick which is
tuned into the ball
which is tuned into the cloth
you know exactly how hard you
have to hit the ball to move it in a certain position
you know exactly what
kind of spin in english and it’s all just automatic
you don’t even have to think
you can’t miss
the stuff i
think that’s what i really
what drives me in art or whatever
you call it to
show up you know it’s like
the flannery o’connor is
great writer in the 30s died of
ms whatever
and she said i sit at my typewriter
every morning at 6 30 not to
write but in case something happens
sort of like
it’s an act of
faith you know
well that’s the press
field argument
that he believes that you show up and that the
muse will will
greet you that you put in the discipline
and it will
reward you you need to put in the discipline
the gods have to see that you are
worthy yeah
that was like
but he’s the guy
the first guy that i’ve ever
heard address resistance of the resistance to
right which i have very badly
i think everyone creative
does we all do it’s like getting in the cold
water you know yeah
like you know it’s like
when you just you just like i
gotta get into this cold
water i know my body’s
gonna acclimate and once you
start flowing you’re flowing but
the things i find to do every day
rather than
right like i’ll
clean the dishes
i’ll make every
phone call i can
i’ll read articles on the
web that have nothing to do
with anything feed
off i’ll find incredible websites
i beat off forget
it yeah the problem with the internet is that it’s
right there on
your computer and so when you’re supposed to be writing
i have this awesome
program it’s called right room
check this out and
i have it for the mac
but when you
click on it
and it opens up
you lose everything on your desktop
see that like that
so it’s just green
green print
on a black background
it’s awesome
and that’s how i
write now because i’m such a
monkey i can’t
allow myself
any any possible distractions i’m just too
stupid you’re in good
company so i but
why is it that so many creative people are like that
i mean why is it if you love
the idea of creating and i do
i love writing blogs i love putting them
up and getting feedback i love that people enjoy them
and i’m loving writing this book i love it like last
night i wrote a
bunch of good shit that i really enjoyed
and it’s so
such a good feeling that i
go to and i go to bed like all
energized i feel like wow i did some good shit
but why is it that
like the next day
i will watch you
know 15 youtube
videos on the
2011 shelby mustang
you know and
for 45 minutes
550 horsepower man look at that aluminum
block that thing is the shit
it’s a modern muscle car
meanwhile i don’t get any satisfied i leave
and i go to bed
when i do that feeling like
a loser stress stress yes
cause you haven’t done your work exactly and
i shouldn’t be
you know like really pretend that i’m not disciplined
because i’m pretty disciplined
i get a lot of shit done
but not as much as i
could no i think
adderall i think
is that the key that’s what you need
i don’t need that shit i know someone who’s on that and
i think no pills
gonna take you away from the
human condition and the responsibility
of actually
what i think is neat
about art is that
creating things
usually you’re creating something out of nothing
but not that it’s not connected to
other things and other
experiences
but you’re trying to create something out of nothing
but the other
issue is that i find writing and
as you find your
voice and whatever you’re doing
you’re actually getting down and distilling
who you really are you get down to the core of
who you really are
and it’s way easier in life to pretend man
it’s way easier in life to be a character it just is i
spent so much time
as a kid building
armor around myself because the
world was a dangerous place
and that really wasn’t
where my strength lay you know
but most of us are
there’s a saying i had
a teacher an old
teacher used to say in
order to be all
you can be you
got to face up to who you’re pretending to be
yeah right and really i
think most of
us are walking around man playing a character and not
relieving you ever listen to conversations with people
standup exposes that but acting does not no it
doesn’t acting reinforces that
those shields to get
thicker and deeper
probably i do
think that like someone like daniel day
lewis might be
he said something interesting he
was like why are you guys so interested in my process
i show up on a set having thoughts
that don’t belong to me
and talking like
away and he goes you know why i’m an actor they go why
they go why why
because i’m
essentially ashamed of
being a boring middle
class englishman
i live a boring life so i have to pretend it was so
great but he does in some way tap
into a real
yeah and he taps into a
truth within him i
think like he likes to find
that character within him that actually exists
maybe it’s a past life well i
think what he’s really good at he’s really good at
becoming another
human being
you know and
there’s a real art in that you know what the
art is it’s not judging that
other human being
that’s what the art is i
think you know
just becoming them
yeah like when you play like
robert duvall is playing
stalin and i
think he said well
how do you play a monster
he says he’s not a
monster and they said what he killed
40 million people he goes yeah but the actor can’t
think that and
they said well what did you do and he said
i played a man trying to
solve a problem
and if that problem was too many people in the
ural mountains well i got to get
rid of them i’m just trying to industrialize the soviet
union our problem is we’re in the 1800s
i got to industrial
which means i got to move entire swass
of people over there
and by the way if you’re in my way i
gotta i gotta kill you it’s just easier
and it was really
interesting he said that’s the way you can’t judge
the person you’re playing
those actors
that’s a different
breed that’s a complete breed
apart from what we’re talking
about we shouldn’t even be calling them actors
cause they just
happen to choose acting the nutty people or
we should call them just
energy holes
you know whether they’re actors or singers or
they could be
comic book artists or whatever the fuck they are
it’s just those people that need
they just need attention
there’s a big difference between that and like say a
somebody trying to say something yeah gary oldman
there’s an artist
that’s a guy he becomes different
human beings i
mean it’s a real
craft to it i
would probably be doing it regardless of
the company
or the he’s
driven by by
kind of mining the
psyches of the
human mind yeah
the human psyche
and driven by you know just producing this
really perfect character
and heroin and driven by her
a little bit be honest is he
from what i
understand he likes it he likes his drugs
i guess he’s better now it’s amazing how much good
music has come from heroin
yeah there’s a lot of
people that were in heroin
you know what though there’s a
counter argument
to that and that is this that nick cantu is a rock
journalist in the 60s
wrote a book called the dark stuff
and a lot of people
would say that
what was really really
there was this explosion in
music and with the monterey
music festival and
things like that
where the drug of choice at the time
was weed and
a little psychedelics hold on one
second key up
find it online
voodoo child
slight return
that’s such a great
jimi hendrix is
if i had to choose like one
music to listen to for the rest of my life only one it
would be jimi hendrix songs as and you’d be
right there i’m this guy
was a rabid
heroin user
he connected
to the fucking the vibrations
of the universe here’s what here’s what but this is
what here’s what they find
what they believe killed that
music movement you had this incredible
successful music
what was heroin
and cocaine
it’s because
yeah and so what you had was a
bunch of musicians
in the 60s whose
heroes were who
the black blues musicians
and stanley crouch
wrote this really cool
essay that said
that what happened was guys like janis joplin
jim morrison
jimi hendrix etc
died all coincidentally at
27 was that
their heroes were
these blues
musicians who are doing drugs right
they they wanted to be like
their heroes
they were subscribing
they were subscribing
to an addiction as opposed to overcoming something
whereas the black
musicians who had to come in through the back door
and play for a
white audience
and eat a hot dog and a warm cup of coffee
they basically felt guilty as like survivor guilt
they were making all this
money and they were rich but they couldn’t even play to
other black
people and they were living in the segregated society
so a lot of them went into drugs
as a way of dealing with that guilt
whereas you have
these white 60s
musicians who were like my hero did drugs
i’m gonna do drugs
cause that’s part of being a rock and roller
problem is when
you choose heroin as your drug instead of weed
you’re gonna have a hard time staying
awake to write good
music that is true
what gives you
this inspiration and what connects you to the universe
utterly destroys your body
and makes you
a prisoner of it like cue it to the beginning of this
hit the very beginning
there’s something
about the music
from the fucking 60s
especially like this kind of hendrix
do you know what i
think there’s
something so universal
about it it just lasts
whereas like i believe they
were trying to say something for real and change the
world they were idealistic
to believe that they
could that’s what because
everybody was high we live in a cynical time now
nothing nothing changes anything
right listen to this man
there have been nothing
remotely like this
there’s no one
had done anything like this with a guitar before
have you heard anything even remotely like this
no there’s one
still to this day there’s one guy that comes close
he’s a monster isn’t he
yeah dude it’s just like this music is so good
it lasts for so long well
it’s still awe inspiring now
yeah 40 years later the
layers to it and this is all psychedelic inspired
you know it’s all a bunch of different drugs
and those drugs it’s also 10 000 hours of practice yes
it’s that too it’s that too it’s
the practice
makes the discipline in the practice makes the
human being
the very best
antenna to tune in the magic of the universe
right and when you dissolve the ego
completely like when you do a lot of
psychedelics and you’re an artist like jimi hendrix
you crush that thing
to the point where you just you’re so
open when you’re on stage you
know he’s doing
you know he’s doing something with a guitar in today’s
world who i think is unbelievable is jack white yeah
from the white
stripes i don’t know them enough oh oh he’s love them
i know a bunch of their songs that i’ve
heard that i really
enjoy but i
don’t know enough you got him live no no no he
never plays the same song
twice the same way ever really
he’s a true
i mean if you hear him you ever hear that song jolene
i’m screaming
it totally or
that other song
he does stuff on a guitar that’s
jolene is that
dolly parton song
dolly parton
get the fuck out
of here that is
i mean hit the
queue that shit up red
this is the beautiful
thing about what we got
going on here dude
we got computers
it was like almost like a real radio show
but you know
it’s sad that you know
all these different
greats that got into heroin
all wound up dying
you know really fucked up
dance janis joplin hendrix me so many
great musicians
what it did was
what it did was it kind of it robbed us
of what else they were
gonna be capable
of doing right but is the argument that it would have
never they would have
never been who they were without the drugs
and even though the drugs rob them it’s almost like
the amount of energy i mean
this is a shitty
argument but just for the sake of saying it
like think about what jimi hendrix
has done and the amount of impact that he had in such a
short life i mean i
think was he
28 or something when he died
he was 37 27
think about the amount
the impact that that guy had in
his short time on this
earth hold on
listen to this song
hold on a second
think about the impact that this guy had in a
short time on
earth in a short time
where he was
completely drugged out of his fucking head
it’s like this accelerated
burst of creativity
it’s almost like
he used up all of his energy in one big explosion
well well is
it is that the case or did he already come to the
table before he
started doing drugs prodigiously
talented prodigiously technical on the guitar
and then slowly
eroded that
talent that’s the
other question
there’s a good possibility of that it’s
definitely i
think it’s both
is the wrong song yeah no i’ll find it it’s
these motherfuckers what kind of a
radio show are we running here
ladies and gentlemen
if you are in your car
right now if you were at the gym
if you are on the
train on the way to work
i apologize
for the unprofessional behavior of here we go here
maybe worst recording of all time yeah
okay i’m glad you guys are
just click on this one oh we’ll find it
so this is jack
white and he’s singing jolene
and this is
a dolly parton song that made me cry when i was 18
which i believe is about
her pleading
with her own addiction
which is jolene don’t take my man away
wow i can’t
compete with you
cause you what was her addiction
not this was she’s writing for somebody
who’s into dig
okay we don’t need this part
this is dumb
and we hear some
that’s the worst banter
ever dudes talking to the audience in between songs
i’ve got an awesome one though with paul stanley
it’s a compilation that some dude in
new york did
all paul stanley’s
cheesiest lines ever talking to the audience
yeah i gotta hear that it’s fantastic i’d love to
god damn watch this
when it goes away
okay dude that’s that’s a talented
motherfucker
unbelievable he filled the
whole kind of for me
that that when
kirk abain died he kind of replaced my kirk abain
for me really
yeah i need i need to pay attention more to them
i do he’s a
total innovator and it’s a two man band what is it
about someone
singing a really badass song that just really like
gives you a
burst in your body
it might be
dude it might be honestly to me the most
powerful art form and for that reason yeah you
literally feel inspiration and
energy yeah
this woman karen armstrong
wrote a book called a case for god and
it was like she was like you know people
while you have atheists
who talk they look at a
fundamentalist concept of god and she said look
she goes god is
not something you’re supposed to be able to explain but
i can tell you when you listen to an incredible music
like an incredible
piece of music that’s
profoundly sad
yet fills you with an inexplicable
joy or tabs
of energy or
quickening energy
that inspiration is
every bit as real as what you can
touch in front of you that is
maybe more real and what we stay alive for
and that is
she gives sort of a
she correlates that
with the divine
or the concept of a god or this benevolent
insane good that we can’t really actually
measure or categorize
and it’s kind of a cool book so what
music is is like an energy
source that we create an emotional energy source and if
you put the words
right and the
music right
and the right person delivering it with the
right amount of honesty
it just taps into
the very like
just the fiber of your being well
it just charges you well it’s called harmony
you know the
greeks describe beauty
in one word socrates say how do you describe beauty
and aristotle
and socrates they always used one word harmony
so when you see a
cheater running
you say that’s
beautiful the reason you say it’s beautiful
is because its body is working in such harmonious like
it’s such lockstep with itself
that’s one of the reasons why i call
fights beautiful
whenever dude
smash guys i’m always
i always say look at this beautiful combination
and watch how he ends with this kick to the body
you see his
whole body cave in there’s beauty in that man man
fighting to me
the reason i love watching
fighting and i always love to fight
when i was coming up and young and stuff
was that to me it is one of the purest
things someone can endeavor to do
because when you
fight like on the level like guys like nate
marcore anderson silva
it requires all of you it requires your cunning
your courage your strength your flexibility
people say oh
he’s a horseback
rider you use every muscle in your body
you don’t know what you’re talking
about get the ring and roll
around bro that’s
a different muscle yeah you don’t even have to sparr
anybody go punch the bag for
three minutes
but also if you get
into a ring
and somebody’s trying to kick you and
punch your head
you may not come out the same
you may be dead
you may be a
massive emotional charge connected to your performance
you’re literally
fighting over
your very health your very health long term
not just tonight that’s
right you know if you
fight a really
scary dude you
fight in anderson silva
you have to
think that guy’s
gonna change your
brain well if i
might head kick you and change your
brain it also faces
every man i believe
every man’s
biggest fear is that he’s a coward like if you ask
every man’s
biggest aspiration as he want is to be a hero
and his biggest
fear is that he finds himself out to be a coward
and when you
fight and you put yourself
into a ring
where somebody
might kick and punch
you face up to that
and it’s why i have so much respect for fighters
i’ve always found
fighting to be
when i watch a really
great fight i cry sometimes
because i find
it so dramatic and glorious do you have your pants on
i never wear my
pants i never wear my
pants i always wear a testicle
cinch though to keep myself disciplined a testicle
cinch it’s made of
hemp rope it’s made of hemp rope i can’t go into it
right now but i sell them on my website
what is your website
briankalan com
briankalandak
i don’t really cry but it just
sounds good for chicks by the way
sounds awesome
do you twitter a lot do you check your
twitter first time i went to
brian’s house
first time ever brian had
what is it to kill a mockingbird sitting there on his
coffee table or something
something like probably oh no no
i was laying all the books out yeah what was the book
it was to kill a mock
i had i had shakespeare
out kerouac was out
and so i came over his
house and the first i just immediately
started giving him shit
i like what the fuck are you doing you ain’t reading
these things
i go you throw
these down for when
chicks come over you look like all deep and shit
i called jimmy burke i was like dude i’m a hoax
i’m a hoax i’m laying books around my
room cause there’s one girl i liked
and she was like she’d gone to harvard
and i’m literally
throwing books out
like babbit’s
feast i read
one i don’t even know it
i was like babbit’s feet
i’ve never read this book i hadn’t read any of them
that’s hilarious
screwed them around
sorry i’m a man of letters when i met
brian he didn’t have a lock or a
front doorknob
he lived he
lived in a fucking
apartment he was on
television okay
he lived in an
apartment it just had a hole
and i go what happened i
fucking broke him over
things got crazy whatever
where did you live in venice
venice is fucking dangerous on the
beach he had an
apartment on the beach
which was awesome by the way
which was the
first time i’d ever
known anybody who actually
lived on the beach
like you left his
apartment like you opened a window there’s the
ocean it’s right there
like you would
leave his apartment you just walk
right out onto the
beach it was fucking it was incredible you
wanna come over to my
house i got a
puppy in the
view of the beach
i don’t know if you are you doing anything
right now you
wanna i’m on tv
i’m on tv yeah i was
28 years old you
think i got laid
i’m on tv i got a
puppy and a view of the
beach what made
you live there what made you live
there girls
that’s what the
beach the beach i did
everything i did
everything with that calculation
why do you think i’m an actor well what do you
what kind of a
question is that so you became an actor just for chicks
if you want to
get serious with me now on you want to embarrass me and
well you started well
fine let’s get
the you want to be want to get your we in the
truth here yeah
yeah that’s why i did
everything i
literally started
learning how to
fight so that
i didn’t have to be in a bar with somebody
like hit on my girl and i had to walk away and i was
bad in front
of her i was
like at least
if you’re worried
about your own
safety just worried
about cutting down your
pussy that’s
right at least i look at
least i don’t look like a coward
even though i am at
least i can fake it
and keep the guy busy
for a while and get laid hopefully
later on do
you bust out the hay i was in sex in the city that’s
do i have my reel on me
on a loop when they come into my
house you played
on your iphone you
should have a keyed up on youtube
on your iphone
is that thing on
again this is crazy
you know a lot
of people recognize me from sex and the city but
they really recognize me from being an original cast
member on mad tv
the hangover did somebody just recognize me
i’ll recognize myself sometimes
the mad tv thing was such a strange
thing man yeah you only did how many
seasons you do
two seasons
you got lucky
you escaped
that was the
weirdest environment
ever for like a talk show it was a bit of
yeah it was very weird
there was a lot of like
weird competition
and there was a lot of like
weird energy there yeah man
in a rough place you didn’t like it
right it was cool though i got
to meet artie
lang there too
yeah i didn’t like it i
loved artie
how fucking
great is that guy he’s
great and how sad is his
whole situation man
well i think he
yeah i think artie just
has always struggled with
those demons
if you don’t know he attempted suicide and
stabbed himself
stabbed himself a
bunch of times
funniest guy by the way for me
probably the funniest guy off the
cuff like the most improvisational
funny guy i’ve ever met he was just
and a beautiful person
yeah he’s a
great guy great guy always always
enjoyed running into him you know
and it made me really sad when i
would listen to him on the
stern show and i’d hear how
he’s fallen
apart it’s just
very depressing
it’s very depressing to see him that big
you know see
him not take care of himself and get that big yeah i
guess i don’t know what his condition is do we know
that’s kind of no i don’t know
i have no idea i have no information it’s kind of a
weird situation man when you become that big fat guy
that everybody loves
because people love big fat guys that don’t give a fuck
and also joey
diaz so what happens if you lose weight does that mean
not to be funny anymore
your persona goes away joey’s lost a hundred
pounds joey diaz
lost a hundred
pounds and he’s funnier than ever
he’s still a fat guy joey diaz
joey diaz is just he’s such a character he’s so great
one of the greatest
human beings i’ve ever met one of the coolest
most interesting
finds ever as far as like
people to hang out with yeah you know you know what man
he’s a guy joey
diaz is a guy who’s so
colorful and so
i see so many people who have
these friends
and you end up hanging out with a guy and you’re not
laughing once
you hang around joey
diaz constantly
and you just
stare at him and listen to his amazing stories
our friend eddie bravo had a
wristband on once it was a
leather wristband
that he was wearing
in his rock and roll
man transformation
and he had this
leather wristband
on joey looks and goes
what are you
waiting for a fucking falcon to land on your arm
eddie got so pissed off
he was really
upset how is
eddie and he’s good
he’s good fucking
building a jujutsu empire
every time i see those
wristbands i’m always like wow that’s cool
what are you wearing i
can’t find out
and that echoes in my
head that’s one of my jokes i always talk
about if you’re
gonna wear a cape you
gotta have a falcon
not a penguin
that’s true right
accessory yeah
i’d love to i
think you can get laid into when
did the cake
totally fall
apart when was the last time someone
could rock a cave actually
have made a comeback i don’t know
if you’re the pope
and you can
bless a billion people like this you can
a cape other than that
maybe johnny depp
but when did it
go out of style
in the 1800s
1800s along with the
coach and buggy
and those crazy blonde wigs yeah dude because
nowadays you can’t wear a cape
tape is very
handy you can doubles as a wrap
if there’s like a
bee swarm people like bees find
water you can
just be like whatever and just you know they’re not
gonna sting a red tent
it was a mexican fear factor it was a
they made their own
stunts like really
dangerous low budget
and there was
a mexican host and the mexican guy wore a cape
really yeah
there was one
that i saw well i don’t know if you wore them in
every episode but mormon one that i saw
the guy was wearing a cape
and he was he had
these people go through
this burning
building and we did the
exact same stunt
but when we did it
they had fire suits on and helmets and shit and we had
people waiting with hoses and
people on standby but we lit this fucking
building on fire and they had to go in and rescue this
dummy and bring it out
it’s very difficult and hard to see
they did in shorts
they rebooted
people in fucking shorts
they were getting
third degree burns and shit running
through fire with shorts on
they’re nuts
mexico doesn’t give
a fuck dude they
don’t give a shit they don’t give a fuck they’re tough
even the boxers like by the time
they closed down
they closed down a big part of arizona
national park in arizona because it’s too much
too much mexican
gang member violence
from the drug cartels
beating over
in arizona well
the mexicans are very very much
like when you
watch the boxing
style they’ll
stand in a hole and just bang it out
there’s no like moving out of the way just like
let’s take the punishment
and see who can
punch each other
well sort of
they enjoy vista
cuffs and brawls but
guys like chavez
even though
he took a lot of shots he was very hard
to get he was very elusive for a guy that
would stay on top
of you mayweather
is always staying out of the way it’s the
whole deal before he even
learns how to fight it
mayweather is the most cautious
of all the boxers
even when he
hurts a guy and
doesn’t pour it on
what would happen with him in
pacquiao who knows
it’s a fascinating
fight and i think
a lot of people want to see it it’s a dangerous
fight for him
for mayweather it’s dangerous is that why you
think he was saying
but pacquiao
could get fucked up to man mayweather is awesome
mayweather yeah he’s so sharp
his technique is so good he has such a
deep knowledge of boxing he’s also bigger than pacquiao
he’s bigger
his technique
might be a little
cleaner a little less fat to it
he’s a very
smart guy too
pacquiao is a wild man dude if you’re looking like his
knockout of
ricky hatton
the way he took apart koto
dude he’s a
monster that little dude is so fast
his technique is so good too yeah
you know apparently
with kota when he was i was at that
fight and i was pretty
close to the ring and you could
i didn’t hear this but
freddie roach
afterwards was saying that you know i was telling to
knock him out and
he didn’t say this in so many words but i
heard this from somebody else
third person
paco kind of likes kota and didn’t want to
knock him out you
could see he
clearly had figured his number out he
could figure he got his whole game
and he didn’t
put him he didn’t put him away he was just
hitting them but he he actually liked him and knew he
could really hurt him but didn’t on really yeah
and before that
fight i was with some
people who were friends with
him like like jeremy piven who was doing a documentary
about his life
he looked over
you never see a
fighter do this
he looked over and went
how are you and it was doing and like
he was like had walked into a club he was that relaxed
wow and then just went in there and i remember
watching when
as soon as code i
think realized
that pacquiao had figured his game out
like his whole jig was up and all he had was just
cover and he just jab and cover
that must be pretty frustrating fuck
yeah when you see a guy all of a
sudden just get lit up
like you remember when pacquiao fought
oscar de la hoya
and you could see like somewhere in like the
second round
oscar de la
hoya had this look in his face like what the fuck what
just happened
like i can’t even hit this dude like
this dude is just
levels above
me and i just got to go into a shell here and survive
you know he
fights a little bit like duran did
yeah a little bit yeah a little bit
but you know
he’s really a
style of his own you know
his leg movement
is like he’s ability to leap in and leap out
you know how fast he is and how mobile he is
and how hard he hits too he’s a bad little
motherfucker
yeah it’s almost as hard as monogamy
but anyway what what the
fuck are you talking
about so you have a two and a half year old
right i have a two and a half year old we
still haven’t gotten our kids together this is
ridiculous i know we
both have two year olds yeah
they’re almost exactly the same
chuck e cheese’s
we’re both so similar
in the fact that we’re always so fucking busy we
never get anything
done that we’re supposed to be doing yeah i know
we gotta do that though man it’s always so
much fun yeah you’re like one of my best friends that i
never say i know it’s terrible
it’s terrible
sad how far is always
the same where do you live
venice you still live in venice
yeah i’m thinking
about moving out though yeah you
gotta get out of gangland
that’s on an episode of gangland this
month is it
know i’m sure it has been
they have fucking tampa
is on gangland they find
gangs in tampa there’s a lot of gangs
everywhere man
that’s a dumb show boy you ever
watch that gangland no
it’s scary it makes you
think that there’s gangs
everywhere and everyone
shoot everybody i like the
first 48 you ever
watch that show yeah
that’s my new
favorite show
i love that show
those shows are all educating
criminals now and they know what not to do you know
but you know
a lot of crime though is passionate
and you’re not
thinking and you
leave a trail
and with technology
the other thing is
about that survivor guy do you know the guy who was
one of the producers of survivor
and his wife
turned up missing in mexico
and then they
found her in a sewer
and he’s back
over in america and they’re trying to figure out
where they’re
gonna charge him deport him to mexico and what’s
gonna happen
really yeah
killed his wife
fucking arguing
screaming and yelling the people
heard screaming and yelling and then all of a sudden
she disappear
a little too hard
fuck what do i do now
how scary is
that people that are involved in relationships that are
they hate each
other so much they just resort to killing each other
in a marriage like
you gotta know why
you’re killing someone like oh my god my life is over
i’m fucking killing
this i gotta be honest
i’ve had girls
bring me to that list level
you have i’m not saying
i’m not saying it’s good i’ve gotten out of that but i
have been in some awful
just i’ve been outside of myself
watching myself just behave like a huge
a hole we’re both similar also in that we have
we were both taking chances on a lot of really
crazy chicks just because it was fun yeah you
you know and
they are fun by the way when we
first came to hollywood we both did the
exact same thing because we used to talk
about it all the time
we would date someone that was just like fucking
completely insane but it was like
eh no big deal it’s fun
that phil hartmanship
cleared all that up
for me for good
when phil hartman got murdered
by his wife
i was like okay no more
that’s okay i just figured this out
i thought it was fun
this is not fun yeah it’s not fun
this is crazy what you bring into your life man
yeah and you see dudes do it
all the time it makes things more
exciting and it’s a good distraction too
because especially in the stress of hollywood and
the stress of
trying to make it it’s like
sometimes the stress is so overwhelming
you just want to get lost in something else so you end
up having a lot of sex
or you say you call it
voodoo punani but
you know dove
davidoff says you know if love was a drug
people would be like dude stay away from that
stuff you could lose your house
that’s true
that’s funny it’s the wrong kind of love
it’s true it is it’s totally true well
it’s not even just a love
you can call it love but really it’s
the weird connection that people have to each
other where they need each
other you become connected like
there’s a bridge
between you and this person
and you literally need them in your life
you can shake yourself of it but it’s very hard
getting out of a relationship i mean
twice how many dudes
have you seen that
their girl breaks up with them and then
starts dating someone else that they know and they
literally go insane
it’s insane
it’s like someone
stealing happiness from you
right in front of your eyes
you can never accept the fact that this is just a
human being
that doesn’t like you anymore and likes this
other human being well it also comes down that a
lot of people i believe get into relationships just so
they can control someone else with
their emotions and with their
you know that’s the
other thing
a lot of it really is what you learn from
watching your parents and if your parents are
fucked up and a lot of people’s ours it takes a lot to
a lot of people’s parents are really fucked up
right it takes a lot to overcome that
early programming
absolutely man
i think a lot of
i don’t know what you think
about this but i was
thinking about i
think a lot of making a relationship work is just
first of all having very low
expectations
and then also coming to the equation
and staying in the equation
as a very independent person
yeah you have
to be independent and you also have to grow together
and you also have to be really honest with each
other and you also have to
find one who’s not nuts and you have to not be nuts too
in order to find one who’s not nuts
you have to not be nuts as well
absolutely in
order to find a nice person you’ve
gotta be nice you gotta be
worthy of a nice person
i had the best
advice someone ever gave me to make a relational
board goes he said
he had been
married for
25 years ago what’s your
secret he goes dude
i know we learn how to fight
we learned that there are
boundaries and
places you don’t go we
learned how like when we were
frustrated or
angry with you
never get shitty with each
other don’t insult each other
don’t get violent
don’t throw
things don’t break
my stuff don’t fucking
don’t call work and be a cunt
don’t get nutty don’t interfere with
things there’s a way to
fight and if you
learn how to how
to you know
release the tension or whatever you’ll you can
make it work for a long time are you listening my son
yes what’s weird
is i was in a relationship that was so bad at one
point that i had to
start recording her
you know as evidence and i’m like i remember thinking
going you were mel
gibson’s mistress i was
thinking like this
is it’s so bad
that i am recording people for evidence i need to get
out of this relationship
and do you have
those tapes yeah
can we do something with
those well be
about names
perhaps it depends
yeah maybe maybe
about names
we could speed it up yeah let’s just change the
sound of the
voice just to we
just a wee bit
because i’ve
heard about
these i think
those would be interesting
it would take me a
while to find them but yeah
that mel gibson one that boy whoo
there’s another example what we’re talking
about actors being fucking
crazy and thinking that you know that they’re much more
important and interesting than the arm because they’re
successful and he
might people kiss
their ass yes
yeah i think so too
well he’s an alcoholic and you
know dr drew was talking
about him and
he was saying that it seems like he’s probably relapsed
like if you listen to the
way he’s talking
he’s like and
he has some sort of a mental
issue a bipolar
issue or something but yeah
but you know how much
maybe that came from being an actor
maybe they came from
people kissing your ass on the set you
start believing it
i did and then the part of rational part of your
brain just stops working
just like a guy who takes
roids and his balls
shrink man i also
think that acting when you’re on a set all day
it gets so boring
cause real acting on a
movie is waiting around all day like i did this
movie with nick nolte
in pittsburgh
and nick’s been
is this the
mixed martial
arts yeah and he’s been doing this is the one
where you play me yeah i play you oh yeah yeah oh
by the way by the way there’s a movie
coming out called warrior
that just tested through the roof for lions gate
it’s got tom hardy and nick nolte
and and and
this guy this
australian actor joe lettrich
and and some really
great actors but anyway
it’s gonna be a
great movie
but i i play joe rogan
i i to prepare for the role
i literally
watched about 5
50 hours of you
and i’m not kidding
on ufc remember i called you
about it and i
said you know and you said just take yourself
out of the equation
as an announcer
anyway i watched you and
watched you
and i’ve gotten some rave reviews for my performance
ladies and gentlemen
thank you to
my friend joe rogan i can’t wait to see it i
literally played you i was like how
would joe do this and then i just was you
give us an example like
were you real technical
or did you i used i used words like wow
and that there that’s a huge move
cute you know just that like joe gets
joe really gets huge with his words
and by the way he loves the game
and i’ll tell you and i’ve had
other people say this who really know sport
you are as good as it gets
at what you do when it comes to calling those
fights you’re so knowledgeable you’re so passionate
about it and
and i don’t
know of anybody who can call a fireplace well
thanks man but
you know what honestly
i’m just a professional fan it’s easy because of
stand up because
stand up is so difficult
and you get
really good at communicating and you get really good at
understanding
economy of words and
how to set things up
and really self
aware of how you sound
you’re amazing stand up
so much harder that
doing commentary is
way easy but you know who else is
great as goldie
gold’s great he’s
phenomenally the poetry he
uses like he’s a poet man
he’s a poet he’s so impressive
well he’s very
smooth you know
and people give him a hard time
about saying
stupid shit what you don’t
understand is how much of that he’s just winging
he’s winging
a big chunk of the
stuff that he’s saying
and sometimes
when you wing shit it does always come out
right and then
you’re stuck in a bad spot and you got to
correct yourself a little bit
and we goof on each
other every now and then if we say
stupid things
what he does
is very hard to replace you know i
tried doing his job once and i was terrible at it no
he’s it’s a very specific
skill it is it is it’s a very specific skill
but you know
you’re the best there is at it so it’s pretty fun
you are you
spent like two
months in pittsburgh doing that yeah
and you know i
think it’s gonna be
worth it at the end of the day it’s a
great movie so when does it come out
well they were
going to release
it september but it tested so high that i
think lionsgate wants to push it toward the oscars
from what i’m told so
maybe december or something
do you feel like it’s that good did you like it i
haven’t seen it yet i just saw clips
but what kind
you like the
movies that you’re in are you one of
those dudes that even know that
you what you
i watch the
hangover once
right i’m almost
never nobody believes me but i
never watch what i do
because i’m too
critical of you hate
those guys though that if they do something all the
sudden it’s awesome and they love it
like you can’t admit like
bob your show sucks yeah it goes back to being
not honest with
yourself and not having perspective i mean you know
i don’t watch
what i do because i’m already critical enough and
for me it’s not even
about the movie that comes out as the
experience it’s fun
sometimes you have a really good time having a
laugh on a set and doing
and acting or making believe that’s fun for me
i don’t do it
i do it cause it’s fun i think
where i feel artistic is when i’m
with stand up
where i’m writing my own
stuff and i’m kind of expressing myself that’s a
a different
there’s a different
motivation for it yeah fuck yeah that’s the most fun
thing and by the way
you know the
thing about
stand up is you can
never lie to yourself because
you get up on stage
they either
laugh or they don’t
and it’s pretty brutal if it
starts going
south man and you’re in the
middle of nowhere and somebody’s can’t be faking what’s
funny that you
think you have to really be connected to it in
order to be good
and let me ask you this about stan
about not to pretend
it’s the new
standard thing but the
other thing is
i thought about this somebody
asked me some
advice i go well just write with
your what you
think is funny but
in a way if you’re trying to be funny
as opposed to
just expressing
yourself honestly in a way that makes you laugh
when you’re
trying the audience kind of feels you manipulating them
they feel the lie
and it’s never as funny
do you know what i mean
by that and it
might work a little yeah it does if you’ve
been doing it for you did you see for a long time
comedian i did
see comedian yes i did
so then you saw
orney adams performing
yes i did and that’s the kind of comedy i’m talking
about that’s the kind of it does work
it’s possible
i don’t believe it
well you know and
and when people don’t believe it
yeah it’s like
but there’s like that that sort of
style is like a style
you know there’s a
style that will work in a crowd
but will not work one on one
like joey diaz can tell you something one on one
and it’s just as fucking
funny as if you
stand in front of 300 people saying it
there’s a lot of comedy that’s like rhythm
and premise and
enunciation
but it’s a song i can
hear the punch line coming but it’s not
funny as opposed
to honest expression but they
still work it’ll
still work but then that’s the difference
between a hack and a real
comic in my
opinion not
to be too much of a purist that way but yeah
like when someone is like on
stage and they’re getting
angry at something that they’re not really
why do i get
two receipts
what is this it kills
you crazy like are you really mad it’s a
piece of paper you put in your pocket and you leave
somebody said i walked in
and i heard a guy like that and i went like
this i walked in i went oh i can’t i can’t stay here
yeah and my
buddy comes
you can’t be that judgmental and i go
dude i know that song
i can hear two bars of that song and i know exactly
where it’s going i’ve been doing it too long
you know and it makes you feel unfunny
the thing is when you
watch someone who
sucks it’s uninspiring it takes all the energy out of
me exactly i worked with this guy
and i my opener couldn’t make it like on a last minute
and so i work with this
local guy and this
local guy not
only did he suck he went on for 45 minutes and he did a
bunch of my shit
no yeah he did like reworked
bits that were like
from my old cds and he did this before he brought me up
and i don’t know if he was doing it
to be a dick and step on my material if he
doesn’t know i don’t even do
those anymore he’s like years and years old
or if he was trying to
fuck with my head or if he’s so retarded that he just
this is what he does he just
steals shit
everywhere and he forgets
where it came from and
so i went on
after him and i had
to jolt myself to be funny
like i had to listen to
it because i wanted to know what the fuck he was saying
once i heard some of my material i’m like
now i have to listen to this guy because i don’t
want i mean what if he does something that i do do
right i don’t
wanna repeat it
so i have to listen this fuck now
so i’m listening to this guy
and it’s like
sucking all the inspiration out of my brain
nothing he says he believes
everything he says is just
angry and stupid and
somebody said
they said how do you know this
woman asked how do you know gene
hackman’s a
great actor what’s your criteria and she goes
cause i always believe him
you know it’s the same kind of
thing yeah he’s the
same thing with the
comic that you go
oh i always believe you like daniel day
lewis you don’t have to go into it
do you believe him or not you know
yeah i mean and you know yourself
when stuff connects and
stuff is real
and there’s a process in
developing material
where there’s a lot of times you
go down a path and there’s
nothing there for you you thought there was you’re
fucking around with it but for whatever reason it
doesn’t come out
that is a part of the process
but there’s a big difference between that
which is just like
you know someone trying to find the comedy
and someone forcing it
someone like well
you know and
i’ve written plenty of
things where i know
people would
laugh i’ll come up with
a thing and it’s like a
trick and you go that’s a
trick i can’t do it though because it’s not me
that’s a trick on the audience that’s just there to be
funny it’s like a surprise like a
magic trick like oh here’s this like
man i wanna be that
guy and that
that sort of
takes you out of who you are when you’re on
stage cause then you’re
aware of that
and when you’re
aware of that then
it takes away from the
muse whatever that
weird connection is
where you feel like you’re a passenger exactly
you had sex with christie
alley right whoa
i did not what the fuck
might have stepped up but at the hell
brian i did the show this is
great i didn’t know i’d be
is this the
whole point i thought
i’d be an ambush man it’s all
i’m being ambush
trick oh can i
plug that i’m
gonna be yeah
where you at
i’m gonna be at the irvine improv tomorrow
headlining 8 o’clock irvine improv
oh the irvine improv is the shit i just had a
whole weekend there that
place is awesome i love it
irvine is awesome
that’s another good
place you might a little
go family man
joe did you
see the nick diaz response to last week’s podcast
yeah he was
upset at mayhem
yeah good you know what nick diaz
he’s saying also that mayhem
is too big that he wants
why does it mayhem come down to one
seventy why you picking on me i’m you know i’m
smaller than you
which is true
you know mayhem can
never make one
seventy i mean
he made it a long time ago when he fought
gsp but he had to starve himself and get down there
you know me
think diaz is a natural one seventy
what what is
your call if i don’t put you on a spot but if gsp
fought anderson’s over
well if he gained weight the correct way
you know it
would be very
very interesting because will they do that anderson
is definitely the best
wrestler that
or gsp rather is
definitely the best
wrestler that anderson has fought
but physically he’s a
smaller man you know
anderson is really tall
he’s tall i
think he’s 6’3 6’2 or 6’3
and he’s really long man he’s really long with his
limbs that’s one of the reasons why he can go up to 205
and then down to 85
i don’t think he
could make 170 though he’s thought
about it he
might be able to but it might be
too much of a
strain on him
but at 185 man he’s hard to fuck with
he’s so fast
is that what it is yeah and if he
stand in front of gsp and gsp you know
can’t take them down or if he decides to
trade with them and gets caught
and anderson
catches you he’s so fucking accurate but
he’s got a big test in
chael sunnin
because chael sunnin
the fight that he’s having on august 7th
that is the biggest guy
at 185 that’s a wrestler
chao’s a big
motherfucker is he really well you saw him
manhandle nate markquart
anybody that can do that to
nate markquart
nate markquart is no joke he’s a
beast nate markquart is a fucking
beast but you know
chelsea and handle
this wrestler i
think greco
roman guy yeah
he’s a beast too
and he is his double
his power double
he runs through
guys it’s like impossible to stop almost
but he’s gonna sum
up if he tries
to if he tries to
trade with yeah he’s
gonna be intrigued
everybody who
tries to trade with anderson gets fucked
yeah he’s too accurate he’s too
slick he has
an athletic ability
that’s very rare he
has this ability to move in and out so fast
if you look at the damian maya
fight like how
quickly he can
launch an attack
and move forward and spring at you and tag you
the knee that he hit maya with
was like no wind up
he just leapt through the air and
smashed him with a fucking flying knee
there’s very few
humans that
he looks like he’s got springs in his
body the way
he handled forrest griffin nobody’s ever been able to
do that to forres griffin is huge huge huge and a good
punch a kicker
yeah he’s a real
solid 230 before he cuts down at 205 he’s a
giant light
heavyweight
and anderson just
ate him up he’s just
he’s a freak
but the other
thing would
be can you stop the shot that
would be the
thing the other guy like that is
fedor i’d love to see him
fight brock i know
i know he got caught in that and nothing
to take away from for doom but i mean he kind of
that’s something
that anybody can get caught in but as far as
just timing and being able to connect
and counter i mean he’s just
ridiculous i
would like to see him fight live
i think he’s
definitely a special athlete but he’s also a
small heavyweight
it was 2 30 or something
and he showed a big hole in his game with the
verdoon fight
he said he just got overconfident
which i could see
i mean why wouldn’t he get overconfident
you haven’t lost in 10
years everyone’s fucking terrified of you
but he just you know he fucked up in verdun’s
guard and verdun’s just too
nasty off of his back
i would like to see him
fight again though he’s
gonna fight alstar over him
which is an even bigger test really i
think yeah what
about brock
that’ll never happen
it’s probably not
gonna happen
you know why it’s not
gonna happen because
the m1 guys that control him
unless they all get hit by a meteor
it’s like they just want too much
why wouldn’t dana pay him
that much well
first of all
they’re all involved in some sort of a lawsuit
right now that i can’t talk
about but it’s not that dana
wouldn’t pay him
it’s that there’s a
thing called co
promotion and that’s what
these guys want they want to be able to co promote
ufc events and that’s what they were offering
they wanted to give you phaidor
and they wanted all the
other russian guys that they handle
to fight in the
ufc as well so we
would take on a
bunch of guys that we didn’t necessarily want
and then on top of it they
would co promote so it
would be ufc
with m1 or m1 global presents
ufc or whatever the fuck however they
would set it up
they would literally like
share 50 of the revenue
which is like the year
she’s like what the fuck are you talking
about fifty but it’d
still be cool like in a marvel
is a capcom
no it’s not
marvel vs capcom because
m1 global is its
they don’t have enough to
bring to the
table all they have is one
fighter ufc does
not like even
dream if it was a co
promotion between
ufc and dream
well at least in dream
you got aoki you got
a lot of high
level guys over there it’s not
quite as high
level as the
ufc but a lot of really good guys
they all rest
over there dan
ouedt’s genius has been he’s kept the
ufc the superstar and no one fighter
he’s so good at that yeah they’ve made a
bunch of guys
famous stars but there’s so many of them
whereas with
boxing the unfortunate
thing about boxing is
there’s really only interest on a few weight divisions
you know there’s an interest whatever pacquiao’s
fighting whatever
lloyd mayweather’s fighting
whatever the clitschkos are fighting
and even the clitschkos not so much you know there’s
when was the last big time
pay per view
super fight with the clichskos i can’t remember
yeah exactly it’s
never been anything i wouldn’t
watch it anyway because i
never thought they were
you know yeah well
he’s really
good vladimir is a very good technical boxer but
the deal is that people
don’t really care enough there’s not passion like when
tyson was fighting
or when lennox
lewis is fighting even or riddick
bow was fighting
there’s passion
a holyfield
title fight was a big deal as well
it’s like there was passion to those guys
personality yeah
i mean it’s
not that vladimir is not a fucking awesome boxer
it’s just for whatever reason people aren’t passionate
about watching him
you know there’s just not that mean
i mean people love hopkins i mean he’s a
throwback is an awesome
fighter but
you know but
you know like there’s not he’s 44 i
think and and took you see what he did to
kelly pablo
oh dude this
is unbelievable we
should get past hopkins who you got
you know you’ve got you
pacquiao you’ve got
you know roy
jones jr when he’s
still fighting at
least people are interesting
yeah i mean but roy john
once he lost the steps yeah
another guy who you know
once he lost that
speed that crazy
blinding speed
isn’t that crazy to
watch dude the
thing about hopkins is that hopkins was always
very tight by the way
in the upper
pocket you know we’re probably
gonna stop and
let’s just stop right now
it’s five minutes before we’re
gonna stop because
brian has to pay and we
stopped with
boxing talk
but that’s not the best
thing for a comedy podcast but i don’t
think this is a comedy podcast anymore it’s just
interesting shit
flashlight com
or go to joe’s website and
click on the
flashlight link and you can get yourself 15
off it feels better than your hand
flashlight flashlight
flashlight this saturday
night i’m at the
house of blues in san diego
one show 10 pm
with joey coco
diaz cocksuckers
i’m coming down playing
trains and automobiles
get ready bitches
and then sunday is the
ufc on versus so we’ll be there for that too as well
i hope you guys enjoyed it
thank you very much for
tuning in we always
appreciate it as as always
and see you
dirty bitches
next week thank you later bye