bam ladies and gentlemen day 27
so it is right
yeah week twenty seven or podcast twenty
seven right we did two in a week once yeah
that was a crazy week
ladies and gentlemen welcome once again to the
weekly you stream podcast
really it’s been fucking weekly man actually it’s
twenty nine we’re way
we’re way late
podcast twenty nine
it’s amazing that we kept kept with it for this long
yeah and it’s also amazing that i
never did anything like this before
it is you know
it takes me so long
to get into a
groove with anything it took me so long to accept like
email lists and myspace and all that shit
like for the
longest time i was like i don’t want to get involved in
promoting myself fuck that
you know fuck
advertising shows just get on the
radio and just do it like normal
but then you see all these
other dudes that are doing it that way and they’re
doing so well with it what happened to your shit i
think myspace is the
first one that actually went crazy
that made you realize the
power of the internet like flashlight
well the myspace days that was the comedy
store days and we were using the
when we were
using the myspace
fucking comic
store were sold out like
every weekend
and it was just because of myspace
which didn’t
you know before then man you
could never have like
they would have to
drive by and
just know that you’re there because of the billboard or
just know that you’re there because of word of mouth
but you know we could
throw it up on myspace it was nothing now
or a schoolyard of
paper boys going
mister mister myspace
myspace is a fucking dinosaur
you know why
cause myspace didn’t adapt
i logged in last night
the first time in i
think like two
months checked
went through
three or four pages of people that were fake
people asking me to talk and
stuff like that
one new person going
hey dude here’s my facebook page add me
yeah every now and then i’ll go
and read a little bit of the fan mail but it’s just not
worth it it’s just that it’s a
graveyard it’s like you know it’s like
going to chernobyl
after the blast
and like talking to people that are
still there like god man get out of here why
are you here
what are you
using myspace for
pat and oswald use myspace
still though
ladies and gentlemen before we get going
our podcast is sponsored by the
flashlight i show it
every week and i don’t know if that’s like
i feel like one of barker’s beauties i’m supposed to be
demonstrating the product but
it’s what it is
is basically a masturbation tool if you
haven’t used it before
we talk about it every week
it’s fucking fantastic
it’s far as
beating off if you beat off and i know you do
it’s way better than just regular beating off
it’s not that much
money how much is the
money does it cost
brian it’s like i don’t know but you get 15
off your if you go on your way you don’t
know how much at all i
think it’s like 69 59
i did your tip though
this week and it’s kind of of course a
crazy thing happened
every time i do anything with a flashlight some crazy
warm water thing no i put it outside and
they let it heat up
of course my landlords
often go out in the back to smoke
and because they work
above me and
and they see this rubber
pussy out in the sun they saw it out in the sun
oh my god because
when i went to pick it up they were sitting out there
this if you go to the
flashlight says this website contains explicit
adult material
what how crazy
is it that you go to a website that has rubber pussies
and they have this
crazy fucking warning you’re
about to see explicit
adult material
i mean do they have porn on their site
okay they have a guy and a girl
not even nudity
those girls have clothes on
there’s a guy
and a girl in bed but the girl had a bra and panties on
and if you’re looking at all these
flashlights man it’s like
okay yeah it’s rubber body part
is that really
like something you need to have a little warning to
click through
you know those sites
where you see violence
you know you don’t see shit
like that yeah why can you just walk into a hustler
store without them stopping and telling you the same
thing so a lot of hustler
stores out there in the
world is there
and there’s stories just like it
like porn stores that is one of
those weird
things when we go on the road
and we see these
fucking towns like you know like
if you go to like
what’s a good example of one that had a
bunch of them
youngstown ohio
i was doing chosen
youngstown ohio and it’s like there’s a
bunch of those
little sad 24 hour neon lit
adult shops and
that’s just that’s just people that’s just like
reluctant body maintenance
like poor sad fucks and those
places just wandering around looking depressed
pushing those beads
apart it’s like
why do they have to use beads beads make fucking
noise right
when you push
those beads
apart and they
click and you go back into the
dirty dirty area
see all the
cock sucking
videos and shit
i used to work at a video
store that had an
adult room and it was open
24 hours a day
and it was kind of cool because
you’d walk you know somebody be walking up like a hot
chick and you’re like please let them go in the
adult room you
know of course they just walk up and goes
you know words
to designing women
season two you know or something
but adult room
the craziest
thing happened is
an old teacher of mine
first grade
teacher went in there a
woman and got
porn and i could only hope it was for like a
party you saw her yes
i waited on
her she probably didn’t recognize me because
i was like 20
and she was like
you know older lady so this is your
first grade
teacher yeah
first grade
teacher wow
so first grade is what seven six
what is that
six i don’t know
something like that
and because i rang
her up i also saw her last name was like miss ba ba ba
and i’m like oh that’s totally her
anyway she got the
that’s when i
found out that
sylvester stallone did a porn called
the italian
stallion and that’s what she had got
and so i don’t
think it was real porn though
i think it was one of
those like showtime
three o’clock
in the morning porns
right so i think that i
thought like oh this is for a gag this for a
party i accept this
but see i could also see her
whole history
and it was like
big black dick five you
know it was like
really only rented porn
wow sixty eight
seventy maybe she
was seventy
that bitch is a
freak that’s
crazy just keeping it
alive huh yeah
woo so you don’t
think that italian
stallion was a real porn i don’t know
i never watched
it talking out of my ass but i’m pretty sure it wasn’t
i’m pretty sure it was like some fake
three o’clock
in the morning shit we had it the porn side
i saw a chick
that i used to date in one of
those fake three o’clock in the morning porns
where a dude was fake boning her
it’s like to do just a little too low
right like she
was like a pie a little too high and who you know it’s
like you tell her they’re growing is it really touching
right one of
those you know
i know it was really freaky
i was by myself and i’ll slip through the channels
and it’s like whoa here’s
here’s a person that you know
i hadn’t seen her
he is a long time ago
so it’s like
i dated her over you know
twelve years ago thirteen fourteen years ago even
so seeing her it was like wow
this is kind of strange like i’m
watching someone
that i used to know and then they’re fucking in a
movie even though it’s not real
you know what do you
think it’s like if you like your high school
sweetheart turns into like
sasha gray or something like that i
could tell you
what it’s like i know what it’s like it fucking it’s
weird man i don’t even like
thinking about it
no no no you don’t know what
it’s like because in your situation the person that
if any person we’re talking
about is an actual real person right
these are people that
you met when you knew that they already did that thing
right it’s big
thing to have a girl
have it be your girlfriend
this is my girl
i check and then there’s some fucking brute just
doggy styling her yeah and
sweating and spitting on her and shit oh you fucking
bitch you like that you like whoa
that guy’s fucking the shit out of my ex
girlfriend yeah
that’s why especially real porn yeah
i’ve never found like
old porn of like a girl i’ve
dated have you ever done that like you’re
going through
like their old
photos and they
go i’m not a
snoopy motherfucker no
no i mean like around with them
i mean have
you ever done that like we’re like like they’re
going through
photos like oh this is my
old boyfriend oh don’t you don’t want to see this photo
and like no but i do always
get sad when girls try to make me jealous
like using i’ve always been sad like my
whole life i
always thought that was like one of the weakest
things ever
when someone
you can tell the only reason why they’re
bringing this up or
they’re talking
about their ex is to try to fuck with your head
like it never works
all that it makes you
feel uncomfortable but the uncomfort that i feel is oh
you’re not as cool as i thought you were
and yeah now
you’re creepy and you’re trying to fuck with me and
okay can i talk you out of this can
i tell you that this is not necessary and we’re just
you know two people that
are enjoying each
other’s company getting to know each
other you know we don’t have to play any
stupid games that we’ve already played in the past we
should all learn right
right i played some
stupid games when i was a little kid
you know i had to
learn that they’re dumb
so when someone
doesn’t know that games like that
are dumb like jealousy games from like fucking really
you know come on man
what am i fucking child
cut the shit
so another guy fucked you you that’s
crazy get out of here
i couldn’t i can’t believe it
you’re hot and you’re
twenty six and another guy’s fucked you already
jesus christ
was this recent was this with
that bitch is probably sucking somebody’s dick
an hour before she picked you up
you know she’s fucking crazy
it makes me wonder if that shit ever goes away cause it
doesn’t seem like it is like
does my mom get in a
fight with her boyfriend and just do
stupid shit like that
it goes away for sure it goes away
when with maturity
everything evolves
it’s the problem is when people get
they go from one shit
relationship to the next shit relationship and they
never get traction
as a human being
never get traction and
never realize
and if you have shit friends on top of that
which a lot of girls do man
especially pretty girls a lot of pretty girls
their friends be hating
you know it’s
tough man because for them it’s like
if you’re out with a pretty girl if you’re a girl
and you’re out with a pretty girl no one is
gonna pay attention to you everyone’s
gonna pay attention
to her and she didn’t even do anything to deserve this
she was just born this way
and you’re so much funnier
and so much cooler and you’d be so much better
girlfriend and you you will get
crazy for that
bitch and you’ll
try to trip her up you’ll want her to fail
your hope she falls and
breaks her fucking nose you know
like literally like you’re
tired she’s
stealing from you
she’s stealing male attention from you
you know that’s how a lot of
chicks feel
about hot chicks man
they don’t like it so
anything like that man if that if that’s your situation
if you’re around people like that they’re douchey to
you and you around ex boyfriends who are douchey to you
you just you can get into a bad
grind where you just automatically get douchey
first cause you
think they’re
gonna get douchey
first and you
wanna get the upper hand
you know you ever get in those
where you could
tell that someone’s fucking with you just to get the
upper hand and oh yeah
expecting more
oh it’s so annoying what
worse is when you go with it
just to see
where it goes
the worst for me is if i get involved in it and i
haven’t been working out
especially when i was younger
dude when i was younger i did not have
such a good
judgment and i
still don’t sometimes
about when to
argue and when to just go
without fuck am i arguing over
back then i
just argued automatically i’m like you’re not
gonna stop me from arguing fuck you and it
would just turn ugly
every time every time i got an argument with somebody
would turn ugly
but as i got older
you know any kind
of relationship like that when shit comes up now i just
i try very very hard now to just look at it and go
what is the purpose of all this
who gives a shit if you’re right
who gives a shit if you’re
wrong who gives
here’s what i want
i want to be around people that i
enjoy talking to and i know
there can’t really be this many problems that we
fight all the time
if there’s this many problems that we
fight all the time
where is that coming from that’s
gotta be a personality
thing cause i don’t have
that many problems in my life my life’s pretty smooth
most of the people in
my life are very nice
most of the people in my life
we enjoy each
other’s companies
very few this
i mean everybody has like
here and there there’ll be issues with any
human being
where someone
sees something totally differently but you
can talk it through and if you’re really good friends
you work it out and
everything’s cool and nobody ever gets ugly
you know but
the real keyman is finding
other people that go
along with that because as soon as you go with someone
who’s used to douchey shit
and is used to insulting you
and is used
to playing games as soon as you go into that
and dive into that world man
you’re fucked
no progress
yeah no fun
and then it’s so hard to get out of it so hard
and then once you get out of it you’re so sad because
you got out of it you have to get back in it just
cause you felt
so sad for getting out of that well being
alone man when
you just got out of a relationship and then all of a
sudden you’re
alone and lonely
those are the darkest
emptiest most hollow moments as an
adult human being
that feeling is a terrible terrible feeling
most people just aren’t
equipped to
understand rationally what’s really
going on like why are you so
upset how much of this is just
how much is this it’s been designed into the whole
human mechanism
to feel dreadful
every time you’re left
alone to feel terrible
every time you’re rejected
being rejected
by someone you don’t even know is brutally painful
why is that
why would you even care
if it was a dude who didn’t like you
if you had no desire
to fuck that person if you just came up to a dude and
dude was like look at you you’re not even good looking
be like what fuck you faggot
you know you like
you wouldn’t care at all
it wouldn’t change your opinion of yourself at all
but when a chick does it to you it’s like
oh totally especially if it’s a
chick that you’re attracted to
that’s all but it’s all evolution
it’s all set up that way
to try to get you to be as
attractive as possible
and to make very stringent standards
at what people find and don’t find
attraction attractive
it’s to make you operate at a higher level
i think it’s all just
designed to make you work harder as a
human being to become more
impressive as a mate
and in doing so and in
becoming more
impressive as a mate you get to
contribute more to society you’ll create more energy
you’ll create more money
you’ll create more whatever you do whether you’re in
technology you’ll
innovate more if you’re in
art you produce more art
you want to
prove your worth
and so that that craziness like
allows people to
shine you know
i can’t find that girl though you know
i can’t find that partner was on the same
level as me it seems like they
always act like the same
level but then once you get into it
they were just
like kind of
mimicking what they thought that
level it is that
too but it’s also that
they want you to be something that you’re not it’s you
know they want you to be not even a real person you
know they have this
a lot of people have an idea in
their head that’s really almost kind of
based on movies
you know what was it like before the 1800s
based on movies totally better
yeah everybody but that’s how it is
you see movies and
everything works out fucking awesome in the
movies and you go well that’s
what life is like
right life is like this
this is my model of life
sandra bullock
movies you get
trapped in your head
thinking well
maybe this isn’t
maybe he’s not the one
maybe there is another one
god damn what is this crazy
what about you are you the one
right you’re probably not the one
it might be you
the fucking problem
might be you over and over again
with everybody it’s kind of like the
fight club relationship
where the whole time it actually is you you
know yeah right
well dude i’ve been that guy
i’ve totally been that guy
start arguments and relationships for no reason
just cause i was
frustrated with my own life
especially when i was really
young like i was like 20
when i was like 20 and 21
i would start
stupid arguments with girls i was dating over nothing
but it wasn’t really
them that was the problem
it was really me
it was really me like being
frustrated all the time with my life
trying to like being like
hyper ambitious and trying to like get
ahead in my life but really
terrified that i was
gonna be a loser
so i would you know always be like
under stress and if you
anything annoyed me
about a check i
would like been
like why do you even talk like that
meanwhile that’s
such a douchey
thing to do
to take your frustrations out on someone else
but when you’re doing it
when you’re
wrapped up in it man
especially if
that’s like everyone in your family that’s
everyone you’re friends with
you know that’s
like the only way you know it takes a long time to
learn to not communicate shitty to people
if you’re stuck
in like a shitty communication pattern
fuck that’s hard to snap out of man
it’s very hard
very hard to recognize how
other people are seeing you like so many people don’t
think that they come off as assholes
they think they’re just playing around and everybody’s
like oh this guy’s such a douche get him away from me
so what do you fuck you can’t take a joke
it’s not a joke if i don’t
think it’s funny
you know it’s not a joke if no one else is
laughing but you that’s
not a joke that’s you being a douchebag and laughing
about being a douchebag
what the fuck
brian how do we fix the
world definitely
not alcohol because it seems like more
fake the anti fixture
vegas really
taught me a lot
about alcohol you know like just
just seeing
people in alcohol is just
weird alcohols
it does terrible
things for your judgment i
enjoyed myself so much more saturday
night i had
water drank
water all night we went to that party
smoked a little weed
it was fun you know
the problem with alcohol is everybody else is
drinking too
wind up getting in
stupid conversations over nothing and
we got to hang out with doug benson
and i’ve never
really even talked
to him before you know i’ve seen him a couple times
but hanging out with doug benson
stoned with a couple beers in us
fucking had
dance off with him for what two
hours me him
me and him were dancing i mean
that that’s i
never fucking did he’s a good
dude we really
enjoyed hanging out with him he’s a real good dude
i’ve never really i’ve done his podcast before you
know i’ve seen him like
here and there clubs i talk to him
every now and then but this is the most time i ever
spent with him by far
who went to dinner with him and
talked to him a lot he’s just cool man
really cool guy and
you know i always questioned how much he really
enjoyed pot and i will
never question his
hot likeness
again he fucking
questioned it
that’s so funny the
stoners are always doing that he ain’t legit
yeah you know why
and i’ve totally felt for something that happens to you
every day almost is where
you go up to him like dude come on
smoke weed you want to
smoke a joint
right but i mean it’s also like you know
hanging out with
other comics and stuff
so it’s a little different but
still that happens to me how
often every day
every time we’re out at a club
it seems like
every time everywhere and like you don’t know who
these people
are right like they could have
crazy shit in
their weed dude
like a gyrogan
eye on acid
and i gotta
drive home and you know
double rainbow
what he’s talking
about double rainbow look up double rainbow on youtube
have you seen the
remix yet no i don’t want to see the
remix oh no no i just i saw by
too much i even watch the whole video
i watched like half of the
video and i shut it off i get it i get it he’s
freaking out over rainbows
the remix they did the robot
voice what you know with the
voice and they edit it real
quick kind of like
oh eric tune
and they edit like tim and eric
style that auto
tune shit catch on what the fuck happened i got
t pain on my iphone
do you yeah
do you like that
stuff it’s good
it’s kinda cool just
like singing something that you thought of
and then just
changing the lyrics and next thing you know you
could actually make it into a real song
like even if it’s like you’re going hey dad
that song that
drake song it’s over does he use that shit auto tune
cause i kinda like that song dude i
think everyone uses auto tune
in the pop industry right now
the pop industry like
lindsay lohan should be using pot
the potter to a
lot lindsey’s gonna do some time now huh yeah
and if you don’t know ladies and gentlemen
brian says where’d you read this off of i
watched it live on cbs live
you know they put it on video
i’ve courtroom
she’s gonna do 90 days in jail that is
crazy she has to turn herself in two weeks
unless she suicides but she
still has to wear
the bracelet
so she can’t
drink every
day and they made it like a big deal like we want to
switch to a
blood a blood
thing instead of you know the scram
and the reason why she wants to do that because if you
drink alcohol at midnight
like by 4 a
m it’s not in your
blood anymore
and that’s why lindsay wants to do that
so it’s so funny that
the thing that really got to me was
where the judge like
heard lindsay crying and
stuff and the
judge finally goes
all right you
did lied here you lied here you lied here you lied here
next case you lied here you lied here you
went through like four cases of like
seven i don’t know if locking someone
up in jail is like the best way to deal with this but
this should all be a bright example to people
really a prominent example to
people how you shouldn’t make your fucking kids famous
how many kids
have to become
incredibly fucked up
from being famous
child actors
before we look at it and go
this is nuts there’s no way you
should be doing that to a
child there’s no way you should be
developing as a
human being getting your shit together
getting your ego together is hard enough as it is
but to have that developing and
getting your shit together and then mix it with fame
dude can you imagine like 10 years from now will
smith’s kids
gonna jump on your back and
slice their necks
i know he’s probably just
gonna be sad or who knows man will is a
really brilliant guy
he’s a very
smart guy he
might figure out a way to
raise his kid correctly through this but
what an incredible fucking chore
and what an incredible responsibility and
the amount of pressure you put on the kid because
kids you know
they can get
spoiled so easy
their perspective can get fucked up so
quickly they
haven’t really developed character
and to have a kid really be in a position where he
never really has
to overcome the same adversity that the rest of us have
he just doesn’t have the
opportunity to develop the character that the rest of
us are going to have
the regular
people that have to go through life and make
their way as an adult and
evolve as an
adult and be an
adult without
money where you’re in a situation
where you’re like wow i
gotta figure out a way
to get through this and
to not have any fame whatsoever
you have to get by on your
personality instead of get by on the fact that you’re
famous when you were six i
heard that the first
eight years of your life you learn 88
of what makes you who you are today
the things like
from walking all the way to how you
react to certain
things and the rest
is what you have to deal with
ram almost right
right right
yeah i’ve read some
stuff about it up to two years old
i didn’t read up to
eight but it makes
sense i mean
a lot of who you are as a
human being is
based on what kind of
input you got when
your mind was developing
it only makes
sense your mind is
going to prepare for a certain world
you know they say that
babies born
into really high stress violent families
where there’s a lot of
shouting and yelling and you know too many people like
if you’re in a really
bad neighborhood and you know too many people in your
house there’s a lot of stress all the time
babies born
literally are
wired different than
babies that are born into calm households
babies that are born into calm
households like
the less stress you have
the more chilled out the baby can be
but if you have like a really really
tense mom that kid’s
gonna come out just
ready to snap
that kid’s gonna come out recognizing danger
i had this long talk on a
plane with michael irvin
michael irvin
was on a plane to australia we were all
going to the ufc
he was going there to do some football
things russell crowe
and i had met him because i did best damn
sports show
period and he was
on it and he said real cool guy man and very down to
earth normal dude
and so he and i were talking and we’re just talking
about kids getting involved in martial arts
and kids getting involved in
sports and he was talking
about like what he was like
when he was young
that you know he’s trying to like
teach kids you know
about controlling themselves
teach kids about keeping
their shit together and this was
right after that dude that
i don’t remember the football player but he was chasing
after his girlfriend he jumped in the back of a
truck and he fell out and died
remember that
i don’t remember the guy’s name yeah
he was talking
about that guy that that guy that was not
thinking he was just
reacting like you don’t
think you don’t do shit like that when you’re
thinking but
these guys aren’t
thinking they just
react and he’s trying to
teach them how
to put some steps in there to
consider things
before you act and recognize that there’s a reason why
you’re so quick to behave like that
and that these people
these reckless
type people
are the ones who are always involved in like really
strong competitive athletics like
fighting and football and shit like that
it’s because they’re so much more quick to
react they’re so much more explosive
and a lot of it is just stress based
we do so many
fighters are born from shitty
households so many
yeah i mean it’s not a prerequisite
there’s guys from
strong families that
still are great fighters
because they just accept that you
know they just love the challenge like george st
pierre is a perfect example of that very
close with his dad
but a lot of guys come from fucking broken homes man
and there’s something in that there’s something in that
the fury is just a little more intense
from a dude who grows up without a dad or a dude
who grows up in like a real shitty situation you know
fucking crazy man when you really stop and
think about it
it’s crazy that anybody would want
their kid to be
famous the lindsay lohan
thing this should be the last draw
yeah well there should be some kind of laws
about it definitely but i
think most of the people that have their kids
it’s because they’re broken
dreams and they’re using their kids you know to
do you think that’s it or is just a lack of
awareness their lack of
real real consideration you see nobody
thinks it’s an offensive thing
like you know if you
if you tell them you know all my
daughter’s acting she’s in a commercial they
go oh good for you nobody ever goes wow what are you
doing like why are you putting your kid on tv nobody
nobody ever says that nobody ever says it like whoa
you’re putting you’re
gonna fuck your kid up you’re
gonna get your kid famous
you know what the odds are
if you got your kid
famous what are the odds your kids
gonna grow up and be a mess
it’s like ninety percent
why would you ever i mean yeah there’s a few that get
through it and they’re okay the jodie fosters of the
world that seem to be
adjusted but they’re fucking rare dude
what do you do you making a
what the fuck is that i forgot to his video
it’s making him
yeah he forgot did you really forget
i thought did
he really did
so fucking silly
he made the
lesbian lick the hand thing
yeah i mean what the fuck man
to develop and to
think that you’re special
right from the beginning
i mean lindsay
lohan was famous from
she was one of
those disney hookers
right mm hmm
so many disney hookers there is they
breed them they make
these little hot little hookers
let’s count them off who are the disney hookers
christina aguilera she had disney
well timberlake made it through
timberlake is he cool
he’s got it together dude that dude’s
got it totally down
really yeah that
super successful
right handed guy
well he’s still
super successful too though there’s
never a drop off
way to drop off it’s one of the
top guys he’s a mariah
carey you know whatever
when they drop off that’s when they get nuts
right right
it’s hard to rebound
and people want to see how far you fall and
crash so they kind of support you
dropping right
you know they turn
their energy on wow he’s really failing
you have to hit rock bottom
and then they’ll let you come back up again but
you have to britney spears it
you have to fucking
just ride that boat
right into the rocks now do you
think britney has snapped back or do you
think she has
just a new person that protects her non stop
you know like
i am hired to make sure you don’t fuck up ever
again i think
you don’t fix that kind of crazy
you don’t fix it that shit is not fixable
that’s that’s
crazy to the bones man
just you know no
she’s fucking nuts she’s
they’re not fixing anything
that’s a real simple case to me case closed
they just they’re just handling her
or they marry
brian austin green
what the fuck happened oh what’s her face
megan fox you
think she’s she’s wacky too
well she married
brian austin
green actually i don’t tell young
was she when she got famous
she probably is a really cool
chick if she
married brian austin green
yeah right think
about that that guy’s not even right
he’s not even working anymore
right that’s
probably the coolest chick ever
well either that or
brian austin
green is like a pimp of
he might be a pimp
you know doesn’t she have
his name tattooed on her yeah
i say he’s a pimp dude it
has to be you know you can hate all you want about i’m
not hating i’m
sorry you know anybody can
you know you people out there
you wanna hate
what if that was you
i don’t know
if you’re at the
peach pit which guy
would you choose you know
peach pit the fuck
you always have to take it to some dark dark place
this brian austin
greenfeller isn’t he like a rapper now
doesn’t he rap
does he really yeah does he
i don’t know i didn’t
think he did
i think we need to find out
right now this is the beautiful
this is beautiful what a beautiful time to be alive
and the internet
if you have a question
he just throw that
bitch into google so simple
brian austin
green rapping we are
about to find out
ladies and gentlemen
we don’t have to go to the fucking library
we don’t have to
you know go to a college and meet some experts
oh brian austin
okay that was on tv that wasn’t
no see that’s what i
think it is i
think it’s i
think it’s just
that he had it
was going to his wiki
a moment in rap history as that’s
around the same time his character on 90210
david silver started rapping hmm
among his lyrical stylings
you’re so precious to me am i precious to you
the answer brian is yes
okay that was so pointless
we missed the very beginning of it it was
still pointless i think
we didn’t have his rapping i mean they had some of his
lyrics i think that they’re just saying
that he was a rapper but it was wack but we can’t
play it because then we’ll have to pay him something
oh really you know something like that that was on vh1
well they they were also saying that he’s wack
i mean they
quote his lyrics yeah
that’s pretty wack
that sucks that’s just like
those lyrics were so wack like you don’t even have to
pass a judgment on them you just playing for people and
raise your eyeballs and go hmm
it’s like you ever see that
movie jesus camp
yeah crazy crazy fucking
movie and the best part
about the movie is they didn’t cast any judgment
they just showed you
these nutty
that are out there raising kids to be christian
jihadists you know
you don’t have to you
don’t have to cast anything and the people are so nutty
that they’ll approve it you
could show them the fucking
video and they
would they would they
would say yeah that’s our that’s our message
you got our message down sir
that’s a good documentary
meanwhile anybody saw that
thing was like a fucking horror movie
taking little kids and
the best part is when they make them talk in tongues
did you see that part
they would say everybody now talking tongues
so the kids would go
it’s like god talking through them in tongues
it’s hilarious they’re five years
old man five years old it’s nonsense they love nonsense
five years old
love to talk nonsense all five year old kids do
so you give them like a time of the day at school
alright kids time to go nonsense
so they just go full fantasy
and they’re talking in this made up language
and it’s obviously not a fucking language
because you’re not saying anything
i can tell when i’m listening
to someone talk even if they have a foreign language
i could tell if it’s a real language
you know you hear someone talking in
chinese like they’re saying a bunch of
crazy shit but
there’s a flow to it
where you know they’re not saying the same
sounds over and over and over and over again
which is what you do because
you have to invent all these
sounds on the fly if you’re making a fake language
like to have them vary to the
point where it looks like it’s like an actual
language that’s difficult
so you start going
which is what they all do they’re all uncreative fucks
and they’re
talking in tongues and they’re just making nonsense
noises that’s all they’re doing man
and they’re getting little kids to do this shit
and they’re telling
these kids that you know
you’re warriors for christ and
this woman was comparing them to how
hamas and all these
terrorist organizations raised little
jihadists she was
literally comparing them
she’s comparing them
like why don’t we do that with christianity like this
would be a good thing
the reason why
these people
wanna blow themselves up is cause
they indoctrinated them into the
world of radical
islam we can do the same
thing but for good
she’s like but we’re good
not seeing the irony
you know in the
brainwashing kids she’s talking
well they’re getting
with the wrong
thing but if we
brainwash our kids with the
truth and jesus and like whoa
joe how to raise kids i had two guys
knock on my door
today that were both my age
dressed up in the white
shirts and the
ties and stuff like that is that a
scientology or a mormon
thing that’s a mormon
right mormons i just i
laugh mormons are some of the nicest
fucking people
i have to tell
you it might be but they’re so nice but
i can’t stop
laughing at them you know it’s like it’s ridiculous
it’s completely
ridiculous the
whole look it’s all
ridiculous though it’s not that
you know being a
muslim isn’t
ridiculous but being a jew is
everything’s ridiculous
being a catholic
is ridiculous being a
protestant is
ridiculous being a baptist
being a buddhist is ridiculous
being in anything is
ridiculous you’re a fucking
human being and if
you attach yourself in your mind to any
ideology you’re
going to be on a road
and that road
may or may not lead you in a good direction
but you’re going
to stay on that fucking road if you’re attached to an
ideology and it
could be a terrible road
it could be a road of
circumcising your
daughter’s clitoris because that’s a fucking tradition
i mean these fucking
crazy bitches in africa that
cut holes in
their lip and stretch them out to put
plates on why is that
because they got on a fucking road and
they stuck with that road
regardless of rational
thinking they didn’t use rational
thinking at all
they had just
adapted a predetermined
pattern of behavior that makes life so much more simple
and that’s what
every fucking religion is
the problem is no one knows
you cannot know
you can have your own beautiful personal
experiences you
could have been the person that was actually
touched by god
but when you
start yelling and ranting that
other people have to follow your lead or the fucking
world’s gonna end and christians are
gonna be taken away
i know you’re full of shit
i know you’re
full of shit and you know you’re full of shit
and the real
problem is that we can’t say it because everybody’s
got this freedom of religion freedom of religion
religious freedom the freedom to express yourself
even if you’re expressing yourself with nonsense
nonsense that helps scared lonely sad people
lock onto that
nonsense so they feel like they’re a part of something
i mean that’s
what it is it preys on people whose lives fucking suck
so it’s all nuts
it’s not like
your shit’s cool and my shit’s not
and it’s not that
you know yoga’s
the answer or fucking mushrooms are the answer
there’s just questions
and until we’re honest
about that we’re
never gonna evolve
the human race is
stuck in a giant quagmire when it comes to our behavior
and our thinking
about our behavior
yeah totally
and i you know
one thing is like they all look like from
the geek squad these are
these mormon guys
like on ten
speeds can you imagine though if they just like
mixed it up and like showed up with like you know hairy
chest and necklaces and like rave
clothes on and sunglasses how
scary that would be if the mormons came to your
house like that they
started rocking it yeah like they pull up
like those yeah pull up in like a
you know what says new chevys
yeah man i don’t i don’t
think the world’s
ready for like a hip
religion yet
there was like some work
they were doing
with rock and roll churches remember that yeah they
still have those
do they have
those yeah that is
still popular
totally popular mine
had starbucks in it
there was a girl
that used to work at fear factor she’s a very nice girl
and she was you
know trying to find her
place and she
started going to
a rock and roll church saying how much i
would really love this rock and roll church
and even though
those guys are
talking about god he’s really all just
about being positive and that’s the
vehicle that he uses
for a lot of people man religion
can give you some inspiration but there comes a certain
point in time
where you have to pop the
training wheels off
and you have to recognize that all this
morality that you’ve developed is good
because it’s good to
treat other people good
it’s good to
treat other people the way you
would like to be
treated yourself it’s like a fucking golden rule
and there’s
a reason for it and that reason is that we’re connected
in some strange way that we don’t totally understand
unless you are good to
other people around you
unless you are kind and friendly
and warm and loving you’re not
gonna fucking
enjoy this life
you’re just not
you’re gonna be problems
everywhere you go you’re
gonna have problems
everywhere you go
you gotta figure out a way to
enjoy this fucking life it’s not because of
jesus it’s not because of
moses it’s not
because of anybody that may or may not have ever
existed it’s
because that’s how you fit in better in the world
that’s how you stay positive
and it doesn’t have to be some shit that was written
5 000 years ago on fucking animal skins that
doesn’t have to be
the golden rule because it’s old you know that’s dumb
we need to figure out like now
today what is
the best way to live your life what is that
there’s gotta be ways you can be putting forward the
most positive energy i mean we know objectively what’s
causing pollution we know objectively what’s causing
birth defects and
we’re taking in too much chemicals and
not enough vitamins we know objectively all this stuff
we know how to
organize our
world and yet we don’t do it we know how to
organize our health and yet very few people do it
we know all
these things
the right path to being
a happy healthy person
is to do all
the shit that we already know you’re supposed to do
take care of your body
take care of your health
take care of your mind your stress
meditate be kind to people we all know that
you ask anybody they know how to get by and to be
the most evolved version of you that you can be i mean
it’s not like a magical
checklist if you talk to people
about it you said okay
you got a person you want to improve them what are the
things you’re
going to do to them
okay well if i was a life
coach the first
thing i would say is
this guy’s got to get on a diet that makes him healthy
i don’t mean a diet just to lose weight i mean just
healthy foods in your body
many many vegetables vegetables
a lot of good good quality protein
a lot of water
stop the sodas
stop the bullshit
start working out your body and get a better
sense of how this machine feels
when it’s moving
it’s flowing
better there’s less tension in it your mind feels like
relaxed and you enjoy
every single moment
of the day better
step one everybody knows that step right
but step two
be cool to people be nice to as many people as you can
smile as many people as you can have them
smile back at you tip well when you go to restaurants
just do the most you can be as nice as you can
and just still
manage to not have people walk all
over you just get through this life as nice as you can
what else do what you
wanna do with your life
right don’t don’t go be doing something you don’t enjoy
don’t do something that’s
don’t get locked into you know
a car that you can’t afford and doing something
crazy because you need the
money don’t don’t do that do what you
wanna do do what the fuck is it that you really
wanna do cause if someone else is doing it
you can do it you know
i mean everybody makes
their own path through this world
but a lot of people don’t follow the
path that they really fucking feel pulled to you know
for whatever reason they got negative programming
you know when they were kids someone told them
they couldn’t do it or told them to take the shortcut
or take the
shore route
that’s a sad
thing man when you talk to dudes
especially like talented dudes and
they don’t follow up with what they want to do you know
you know anybody like that
i don’t know but i was just
thinking to your list that
i think you
should never stop tickling people and i don’t know why
it’s looked down upon
because i enjoy i don’t make
people laugh in
i don’t like
including tickling
forcing them to
laugh i don’t like people tickling
why are you ticklish
yeah ticklish yeah
i think tickle you know do you know
where ticklish
this is an interesting subject do you know
where this comes from
what no it’s an
trait and it’s from
being freaked out instantly and immediately
about spiders and insects
crawling on you
really cause
if you’re sleeping on the ground yeah
cause if you’re
sleeping on the ground
and something’s on you and you fucking move like that
that’s what ticklish is you’re trying to avoid
these instant reactions
to these weird sensitive areas of your body especially
things where
things can crawl
like under your armpits
you touch my armpit i’ll jump through the fucking roof
i fucking but that’s
what it is you know i’m saying it’s like this is all
it’s an evolutionary thing
it did not know that makes sense
course why else
would you have this extreme reaction
on the bottom of your feet
that are stepping on things
not ticklish at all though i mean like
the dopes and
they’re supposed to die because you know i
dated this girl that i even went to
their let you know that
you have your answer
she was willing to date you so you know
that’s a b she’s
ready to be bitten by a spider
right i always
go for the butthole as the last move though like
if you’re not ticklish you’re ticklish in the butthole
then wow i usually gets them
you ever watch a porno
where a girl’s
got a rubber butthole and you’re like this is
ridiculous how is this
chuck taking this the ass
it’s getting
pound in the ass yeah
how do they do that i don’t know
you seen the belladonna one
yeah dude she’s
crazy and so it’s talked
about them the podcast before
where we we looked it up and then we
found out there was like
we looked up
baseball bat porn
because we thought it
would only be the one belladonna
video no there’s like a
bunch of videos of
chicks with bats up
their ass i
think it’s once a girl puts a bat up her ass
then the other poor guys
they come to the
other chicks and go see look she’s willing to do it
what you don’t want to do it you don’t want to
work you just can add it to your resume that’s an extra
job that you
would get that you
wouldn’t have got before
you know to dark road son
that’s kind of
weird i would like to see like the resumes of some of
these girls like we’ll do baseball bats we’ll
eat donkey ass here’s a fucking
funny story there was a dude that was
friends with
a friend of mine i didn’t know the guy that well
but he was dating a porno star and he was
trying to be cool with it because he didn’t have any
money and she was
paying the bills and shit and he was i
think he was a
musician and
she came home
with a contract and it was just you know
it’s just sex man so big deal yeah i’m a lot of fuck
other girls i’m on the road to you know we’re just open
it’s no big deal and she
doesn’t fuck any of
those guys when
she’s not working with them you know the
whole deal he had this
whole rationalization thing
and then he got a contract
and he’s going over the contract
and he goes
what’s this what’s this
what’s this airtight what does that mean
and she goes
airtight is one of my
mouth one of my asshole one of my pussy
and he goes this this relationships over
that’s it he
just fucking
threw in the towel right there in there
he’s like what what what what what what
at the same time
one in your
asshole one year and they have a name for it
okay and you’re
about to go airtight yeah
done that’s it
put a fucking fork in it hooker
triple rainbow damn
first of all you know any girl that
would let you do that
any girl whoa
any girl that wants to do that
and any girl
that is in a relationship
with a man is like cool with her doing that
you got a whole lot of problems
there’s there’s this girl who was
there’s this guy i’m not einstein
salami was his name
i think he lives in seattle
now cool dude
he was a porn producer
didn’t like it got out of it he said the
whole business is just fucked up it’s all
crazy and everyone’s a mess
he just wants to be a healthier person so now he’s
teaching jiu jitsu
super nice guy so anyway
he tells us
hey man come see me we’re doing a porno shoot come
watch it it’s pretty fun
so i was with
tate and we’re like all right fuck it we’ll go we just
got back from the road we just landed from some gig
and this is when
tate was staying with me
so before we went to my
house we just
drove to this guy’s fucking porno
shoot me right out of the airport right
we walk in the door
we walk in the door and there’s this one guy with guns
tattooed on his body
he’s got like guns
like yeah one of
those dudes
and then the
other guy is just this regular muscle looking dude
and they are ruining this bitch
they are ruining her one guy is
pounding her asshole with his dick
and one guy is fucking her mouth
and every couple seconds
they pull her off off the dick and spit in her mouth
so this girl goes to this terrible day of
all this spitting fucking her asshole fucking her pussy
and then when it’s all over
she goes into the shower
and she wants everyone to piss in her mouth
so these porno stars
start peeing in her
mouth and she sits there with her
mouth open and
then she wants a director to do it you get over here
so the director goes over and he pees in her
mouth and i am
watching this
whole thing i’m like this
might be the
saddest shit i’ve ever seen in my life this girl is
on her knees in the shower
okay the water’s pouring all over her she’s totally wet
she’s been pounded in the asshole in the
mouth all day
two dudes have
taken turns spitting in her mouth of
three dudes because the director did it too
he spit in mouth
to everybody was spitting her mouth
and now she’s
on her knees and there’s a dude pissing in her
mouth and they’re filming it and i’m like wow
so then she goes
my boyfriend’s
gonna pick me up at
block me for something like that
and we’re like your boyfriend
oh man that’s
ridiculous and i didn’t
want to talk to i didn’t want to be mean i didn’t
want to be judgmental i didn’t want to say anything i
introduced myself hi joe nice to meet you
i’m gonna watch you fuck
me and my friend
tate here we’re
gonna sit and
watch you get fucked
so we were sitting like
maybe fucking ten feet away from this
standing standing like
maybe 10 feet away while
these two dudes were
pound on this
chick and then
these guys peed in this girl’s mouth
and then she
starts talking
about her boyfriend
what does your boyfriend do he’s a cook
so like a short order cook
at some like
danny’s or some shit like that oh my god and
you know and i go is your is your husband
cool with all
this yeah he’s cool with it long as i keep
bringing home
checks he’s cool with it
and so take goes does
he allowed to fuck anybody else goes
you better not i’ll fucking kill him oh my god whoa
he better not
i’ll fucking kill him like what did i just watch
this is just
this might be the nuttiest fucking
scene i’ve ever been a part of in my
whole life like this is so strange
that’s awful do you remember her name like
no her name or anything no idea
i wouldn’t remember her face or name anything i’d
never seen her before again
there’s so many of them dude
there’s so much porn
going on out here
there’s so many dudes that i know
i know so many guys from jiu jitsu
tyler knight
i know him he’s a porn dude
very cool guy he’s got
a really awesome blog too he
writes about gang bang
scenes and shit like that
and jake steed used to train it
machados and then
there was another dude that used to
train the machados
tt boy and then
john the four
well that’s his real name
not supposed to
vince voyer
vince for is another fucking male
porn star just like a gang of a man there’s like all
these porn guys
there’s so many so much porn
going on out here
it’s ridiculous they all girls come out here
with like you know
whatever issues and you know looking for a
dream and a lot of them it
doesn’t work out and next
thing you know they’re doing porn
and then this girls that just
have always wanted to get into porn and then they just
fucking like
sasha great type chicks
they come here when they’re eighteen
like good to go
ready to suck dick on film
mm hmm whoo
it’s kind of depressing actually
but it makes
you know the grocery
store at 2 a
m a lot better you know
cause you’re just walking around and there’s some
porn chick wasted trying to get cantaloupes
it’s way worse when you have kids dude and i bet yeah
i have a hard time beating off to porn these days
yeah i have to like
shut off the
compassionate part of my brain
really yeah
compassion part of my
brain wants to go okay what if this is my daughter
with you know my daughter was
doing this and
guys were holding her eyelids open and
jizzing in her eyeball
you know i’ve watched that the other day
and i’m like what the fuck is someone’s
baby someone’s little baby girl you know someone’s
fucking her
mouth like that
maybe she likes it you know
some girls do like that
so you can’t can’t say always that it’s terrible but
you know for a point
chances are if you’re getting
pounded in a porno
film that’s not really what you want to be doing you
should try to figure
out something else that you can masturbate to like
start like getting attracted to something on purpose
to try to someone’s
gonna come up with
anime porn yeah just go
with some fucking awesome cgi
you know use the
quake four engine
yeah you know
once it gets to the
point where
pornography can be
artificially created
then it’ll be way better it’s
karma free porn
today’s the day that doc
set the time
machine to go back to and back to the future
really yeah
wow that’s hilarious
yeah how do you know that
somebody tweeted it
earlier today
i didn’t research it so it
might be fake
could you imagine if they really do invent
a time machine one day
cause the real thing
about time machines that people aren’t
aware of there’s like scientists that actually
try to like
study time travel whether or not
there’s a guy is in fucking awesome story
his name is
ronald mallet
dr ronald mallet i believe from connecticut
see if you google that shit see if that’s his name
but anyway the guy has a fantastic
story he’s he’s like the leading
scientist when it comes to
models for time
travel what was his name
ronald mallet from i believe
university of connecticut and he
he has like a working
model yeah it is ronald malin
he has a working model of
m a l l e t
t or one one two or two t’s
tt who else
ronald m a l l e
t t look them up on google and there’s some videos
about them but
his dad died it’s a
crazy story
his dad died when he was a kid
and he was so hurt he
loved his father there’s all those
photos of him
and his father and his father smiling and he’s smiling
he was so close to his father when his father died it
crushed him
and so he dedicated his life
to creating a time machine
he dedicated
his life to creating a time machine so that he
could go back in time and save his father so his father
would be with him
again so that was the entire
focus of his life
and he got to a certain
point where he realized that you can
someday it is possible to
travel back in time
but it’s not something
that you’re
going to be able to go back to any
point in history
you’re only
going to be
able to go back in time to the moment that the
first time machine was invented
so what will be able to be possible is
you’ll be able
to the moment there is a time machine invented you’ll
that day from that day on you’ll be able to go to any
point in history that you want
so you can go to
assuming there’s
human beings around
you know assuming though the
world hasn’t been hit by another planet or some
crazy shit you’ll be able to go to
you know one million years from now let’s see what the
world looks like one million years from now because
there will be time machines functional back then
or in that future
but the problem is then
this is the this you know this is all
theoretical but the problem is that any moment in time
could also go back to the moment the
first time she was invented
so if you can
travel back in time from any moment in time that’s like
millions of years in fact
infinite if people are still
alive of time of years of people
going back to the moment of the
first time machine being invented so it’s
literally like
the whole notion of time gets broken there’s no
real future it all kind of happens all at once
so it literally
fucks with the entire fabric of the universe
everything can come back
to the moment that the
first time machine was invented
it breaks everything
so this is like real shit they’re working on like this
guy is like really convinced that this is a possible
thing that’s craziness beyond
here’s something else
back to the future 3
if you look at the very end of the
movie when docs
has his kids and he’s like telling like see a
mighty everything’s
gonna be good you know
look at one of the kids
the kid starts
going like this
like come here or put something in my hand
and then he
points to his dick
what it is so ridiculous
and just got
snuck through somehow it
snuck through but i’m talking
about like a six year old
dude people were so
stupid back then
didn’t even know
so yeah you
could find on youtube like back to the future three
points to package
is that one of
those movies that you go
watch it today and it
would disappoint the shit out of you
yeah not so good huh
not so good i mean i saw the
first one the
other day and it was okay but then i saw the
third one and it was just so
dumb i didn’t even want to
watch it yeah man the
evolution of
movies has been pretty fucking
pretty obvious
you know the
evolution of what we accept
you know yeah
like people talk
about avatar being
silly and ridiculous but
still you see toy
story three yet
no i heard it’s awesome
is it yeah doing the best
all that animation stuff just
freaks me the fuck out i was reading and wired that
there’s some insane amount of time for like
every frame
for as far as like
rendering some like
seven hour fucking time for each
frame to render
isn’t that insane
which movie though this can’t be there’s a
picture now
really yeah
that’s crazy
hmm it seems like it
would be better than
i could go into the living room and go get that uh
that magazine but i don’t know exactly
where it is and i want to get up
but the idea is that it’s
still even into this day it’s very difficult to do
the whole even if my time frame is
wrong the whole
why don’t you just go look
under wired hmm pixar
sorry not pixel um
but it’s still not quite
there yet as far as like the technology
that’s going to
exist one day
where you can create instant
artificial people
you know you
remember like the editing that you’re doing
right now just with final cut
you know i’m just doing on a regular home computer on
apple i mean that this is the kind of shit that
ten years ago it’s like fucking
dreaming right now you’re
dreaming bitch like you know what you’re
gonna be able to edit and how fast is it
gonna render
you gonna put shit together it’s that easy 20 years ago
science fiction
right twenty years ago science fiction
thirty years ago
super crazy science fiction that’s like
ridiculous you’re
talking you’re talking
about something that’s just like people
would look at in the
movies and go wow
you know like
minority report type shit yeah
where they make
it look like you can do it now but it really is not
gonna exist for another you know
hundred years or so what did you say how many hours
i think they said
seven yeah that’s what they just
seven hours right at
seven hours
seven hours per
pixel yeah yeah
what the fuck man and that’s like
that’s like a
supercomputer to
right don’t they use like a
server i’m sure
they use yeah a huge
cloud of computers
definitely that’s
ridiculous those
movies took a lot of fucking time
but goddamn they’re cool as fuck so
seven hours now
so in ten years
that means we
could do pixar
movies on our phone
yeah yeah that’s inevitable
right it’s gonna be awesome hey dude
check out toy
story 80 huh if they don’t
break the universe before then yeah
right that’s my latest theory right
the human beings create the big bang and
i’ve been talking
about on that stage
i think that’s what we’re doing
i think that’s why the big i
think 14 billion years ago plus
was the big bang
i think it was a lonely dude in his basement who
figured out a way to
break the universe and he had a
switch and he wanted to see what happened and he
clicked it and the
whole thing i just want
i think that’s what happens and then
people get curious and we develop to a certain
point in time where we
repeat the process
isn’t that possible
i mean nobody knows what the fuck created the big bang
right but when you see scientists
working on shit like the
large hadron collider
large hadron colliders this
crazy experiment that they’re participating
right now in europe
where they’ve got this
22 kilometer
long machine and it spins
these atoms around and collides them it’s just just
slightly slower than the
speed of light
and they’re trying to recreate a
thing called the
higgs boston particle now they believe there’s actually
five different
higgs boston particles are trying to figure out like
what existed they called the
god particle for lack of a better word and it’s what
existed just a
you know a fraction of a
millisecond even
right after the big bang
so when they
get that when they figure out how to do that and if
they do recreate the higgs boss and if they do really
find out it’s
not just a theoretical particle but it’s real
when they do that they’re not
gonna stop there
they’re not
going to stop there they’re
going to keep going
what’s the next thing
they got 10 000 scientists
working on that this is the biggest project in
scientific history
and it has nothing to do with making our lives better
technology at one
point in time was all
about making your life better
technology was about
hey we need to get
water and we don’t want to
just have to
drink it out of the
river every time
we need to get it and
bring it back
to camp what do we do we figured out how to make a jug
i mean that’s technology
technology today
the shit like the higgs boston particle
shit like the
large hadron collider
shit like making time machines like what are you doing
like what the fuck are you doing
you’re not fixing the hole in the ground in the
gulf that’s making the oil pull out
shouldn’t they pull all the scientists off
everything and go okay we
gotta fix this
before the whole
ocean gets poison i’ve always
wondered why they don’t do that anyway so with cancer
because there’s anything i
just like all
right all you guys we’re gonna
you know take
all the sciences
at once cancer
one year do it
you know these guys aren’t
experts in their
fields obviously you mean
i can’t know
everything about
everything it’s a
silly concept i mean what i’m saying but
it would be
great if they took all the top scientists from
all the different disciplines that
would be involved and they immediately allocated
funds to get them to work on the project instantly
and just the government step
i mean i’m not in
favor of the government stepping in but in this case i
would say this is
not just a natural disaster
this is a fucking catastrophic disaster
where apocalyptic
disaster where they need to step in and do something
about this immediately
they need to impose
almost like a martial law
type of a thing
take over the
whole but then
again who’s
going to be good
that’s doing that for the government the government
would have to involve the private sector
and then the private
sector would try to make a lot of
money from it and they
would try to fuck people over and it
would be a big scandal and it
would be like halibut and they’d
find out billions of dollars are missing from the yeah
whatever my fucking idea sucks you see that baby in
china was born with a
second dude i did and i didn’t want to look
i saw it and i shut
it off that shit depresses the fuck out it’s pretty
amazing now
it’s i mean it’s a
second face and it kind of looks like what is that
movie phantom of the
opera or whatever
but it’s i mean
did you does it say if they were
gonna be able to fix the kid or
no dude i didn’t read
it depresses the shit out of me
just like the one that i saw the
other day where there’s
a baby that was born there was like a fish baby
and like the skin had this very strange disease
that shit so depressing to me man
you know fucked at birth
and especially man
it’s depressing when you find out that it’s due to
birth defects because
of chemicals people that worked at factories and
you know people that were
given chemicals they shouldn’t be
given while they were pregnant
man china china’s a
tricky place
right now man
china has some of the most
polluted cities in the
world have you ever seen the
videos on that
is that the same
where they’re dropping
all our old computers and cell
phones are all
going there is that china
i don’t know do they go to
china yeah there’s somewhere they go and it’s just
cities that are
kind of like was that wall e movie
where it’s cities of just old computers and
stuff like that yeah let’s find out
where they go let’s find out because i never
heard of that before really i
know but i do know that you know
china has terrible
pollution problems
and there was one city
where they showed it was it a vbs tv doc
some doc that i
watched on the most
polluted city in the world
and just one day in this city
just breathing
the air is like smoking
three packs of
cigarettes a day wow
so every fucking day you’re there you’re smoking
three packs of
cigarettes a day that the sky was
brown man it was
crazy like you couldn’t see shit
like it took
smog to la’s
nasty dude when
you come over like when you’re coming from the valley
and you come over that hill
and you see everything
brown and you can’t even see the fucking mountains
outside like pasadena you can’t see the mountains
and you look at it and
you go what the fuck are we doing to the air that ain’t
shit compared to
china right
china’s five times
worse than that it is the nuttiest
shit you’ve ever seen in your life
i don’t know what kind of laws they have i don’t know
how they get away with shit like that but the factories
just pump shit out
what is this
so we have a photo you
found the dangers of old computers is a computer
wasteland does it say what country
china china
woman in every
china is about to smash
yeah i mean everybody keeps going off about how
great the economy is in china and china’s you know
becoming like a capitalist economy and you know
chinese people are
you know the whole country is it’s
changing and flourishing and we owe america owes
china so much
and then you look at what
china’s really doing like con cam
you know or a foxcon rather
right is then the name of the company foxcon
foxcons where all those guys who are working for
apple keep killing themselves
they help make iphone
speaking of how do you like your new iphone
how to get a new one yeah
how to get a new one what happened
wouldn’t accept the
sim card kept saying i didn’t have a sim card oh yeah
crazy i don’t know what happened
i just kept doing it
kept saying no sim card no sim card and so
finally eventually had to
bring it back to him yeah so do you want to see live
me going from
three bars to zero service
okay this is the
thing where if you
touch the bottom it says
it does something
first i show it
okay if you don’t know
nobody could see this man this fucking web camera sucks
you can see i have bars
okay you can at
least see i have a couple bars
right well just
just do it and tell us what’s happening okay
it’s going it’s
going from i just went to
three it was on four actually
it’s now a two oh wow
and it’s now going to go to one any second now
so just slowly drops yeah
you know what
apple says they say that it’s an error in the
phones while drop down to one that’s
crazy it’s gonna go to no service now
they say that it’s a an
error in the phones computing and that it is
it’s not an error wow saying
no searching
wow okay let it go now
and then it’ll go back up and so
apple’s trying to say that it’s not a real problem
they’re trying to say that what
you’re getting is just a more accurate representation
of the signals wow now it’s got a signal yeah
which is whack that
doesn’t make any
sense yeah because if
they’re saying what they’re saying is like if this is
wrong if you don’t have
three bars right now you actually have one bar and
covering up the antenna will make it go down
i said it’s a
stupid thing to say because
okay so you’re saying that the
phone just calculates the bars incorrectly
and really when you
touch it a certain way
then it calculates them
right what is that the
truth button the fuck are you talking about
you have a button and
it’s a part of the
phone and if you touch it
it makes the phone
honest with you
that’s stupid that’s a hardware problem you cocksucker
right it doesn’t do it with the case
which is good because i
never used my iphone without a case
anyway you get signal here man
yeah you should get signal yeah i got
and when you had no signal that’s not normal right
but but the problem is what are they
gonna really do
about it is this software update just
gonna make all the everyone
that just not happen you’re just gonna
always have
lower signal than normal
i don’t know i don’t buy it somebody just made up a
whack excuse
right because if they didn’t make up a
whack excuse
they would have had to have some massive fucking recall
yeah people
would have gone nuts this
class action lawsuit in the works
yeah but they said it’s
it does it on the 3g and
yeah yeah the 3s
but i tried on the 3gs i couldn’t do it really
i tried video bottom
right i tried
doing top oh really yeah i couldn’t do it
maybe they broke
theirs or something
maybe maybe was
older models
yeah i don’t know man
it’s a stupid way to deal with the
issue though tell people they have to buy a bumper
especially when you’re selling bumpers for 30 bucks
which is kind of douchey in and of itself
yeah you know
yeah how come
if i drop it it’s fucked
right so you get that bumper
so you give me this little
thing to put around it oh how much is this little
thing 30 bucks
this is 30 bucks
right and only
apple makes it and it
should have came with it fucking you got a
blackberry the
other day it came with a
leather case yeah
i can’t get a little
piece of rubber
i know you know so i went to best buy and i bought
two of the only cases that best buy
cells you know that
cover the back
so the first one i put on
it was so tight and
poorly made i
think was belkin
that the top button just
automatically was always pushed down so it was just
resetting my
phone over and over
so i had a second one that i was
going to give to you and i opened that one and
tried it again
same thing went online
found out that’s the problem with the case
so then i bought this
other one from griffith that had
plastic back to it
and every time you took a
photo it would
flash and hit the plastic
and flash back into the camera and
every photo looked like shit
and it went back online
same exact thing
across the board
so the only case we can
it right now
is this one that won’t protect
the bat but they
not fix that
how do they not have cases for an iphone come on
apple where’s
all right so if i
break this you’re
gonna replace the back because there’s no
other fucking case
and what is the deal with this
glass on the back why do you have
glass on the back for
reception issues
does that mean
is that what
it is yeah it’s what it’s supposed to be for but it’s
supposed to be for a better
reception wow
i mean come on you’re
carrying a piece of
glass in your pocket
what are the odds that
thing’s gonna
break and stab your fucking leg
cut your dick wait for the
first person to sit on the back of
their phone and get
those up their asses
when they die
what do you think a
month to imagine if that’s how you died
you sat on an
iphone that went up your ass and that killed you yeah
what was that guy that used to
30 ways to die or whatever 99 ways to die he put
glass things up his ass and sat on em
remember he had like this fetish of putting a ugh
whatever dude that was a bad
story was that one of
those episodes yeah
really yeah that show is disturbing as fuck i like that
all the way
different people have died
spike’s doing good with
their shows that’s a good one
yeah that’s a good
short attention span show
you just flip in
you know anytime you flip it through the channels
and they’ll
start like a real kind of like a
what’s the word
just a hokey
sort of a reenactment
you know where it’s there’s like
a certain amount of
humor to it you know
and they know they’re
gonna show you a fucked up way some guy died yeah
it’s kind of creepy to
watch but it’s interesting to me because then i
think about all
these i have that
extra thought
every time you know i want to
shove something up my ass i know i
might die from it you know
show me now i do know
i do know it’s a hard
urge to resist shoving
things up your ass sometimes it just overcomes you
or just crossing the
street with my eyes closed you know whatever the
story is you
showed me one guy one cup didn’t you somebody did
one guy one cup i
think you showed it to me man i don’t look for
those things anymore
that was the one
where the guy put a jar
up his asshole
right and then he sat down and his asshole
crushed the jar
and chunks of
glass and blood
start falling out of this guy’s body
and he doesn’t even
freak out that’s the most disturbing part
about you know i
still don’t know if i believe
everything anymore oh i believe that one
i don’t know if that’s a fake
glass anymore that guy if that’s
not fake someone needs a goddamn academy award the bme
pan olympics was fake no it’s not yeah
a lot of that is not fake no it’s all fake
people say it’s
fake i don’t believe a person that knows the most
about it i have it on my website do
some parts of that were real wasn’t that one
wasn’t one of them that
cut its finger off
huh wasn’t that the bme no no no
they’re just
chopping their balls off and
stuff like that
worry to me man they’re all the same yeah
that’s sad why yeah
they’re all the
other all the violence
videos go together i know there’s one
where guy cut his finger offwards
absolutely real
yeah i’m sure that
might be real there’s fucking
crazy people
this guy with the jar up his assholes real dude
it’s really pretty
pretty obvious it’s real
you believe
didn’t know we made it on the moon to don’t you nasty
i don’t know what the fuck
happened to that dude when he was a kid it made him
want to shove
bottles up his asshole
and have him
crush inside of them and then drop out
what happened
what is it lindsay
lohan’s your mom
do you think that will do it
fuck yeah can you imagine lindsay
lohan as your mom
and fucking the dude from jackass
steve o as your dad do you
think she can get pregnant uh
now she’s probably so big
like you said
we just saw that she was 24
i thought for sure she was like over 30
i forgot all
about her being a
young girl right yeah
i don’t know
i wonder if i
could hard action man that
chicks out there doing it
every night yeah
you’re the one who told me that she
got a tooth pulled just so she can get back on viking
well yeah supposedly when she got that scramble
bracelet on
or whatever it’s called that she immediately
had a dentist appointment like the next day that was
supposedly priorly you know
prior to this whatever and she had like a
tooth pulled or she had something that she had done
but it was like oh now she’s allowed to have viking
and that’s really
that’s nice
for her so that
so she’s got this
crazy bracelet on and says she has to stay sober
right and the dentist gives her viking in
first of all
she don’t need to get fucking viking in i’ve had
teeth pulled i’ve had shit happen
right you just deal with it it’s not that
bad i have a knee surgery didn’t take pain medication
i took viking in when i had my
first acl reconstruction it made me feel so stupid
it just made me feel so dumb
and i sold him some dude at the pool hall
this dude named jeff
you did not do that yes i did you
sell them i sold them to my friend
jeff and jeff sold them all throughout the pool
people gobble
those vikings up they love them
i had a friend
who was a guitarist he used to say that it made him
more creative
what that’s the opposite
effect it does to me to me it makes me feel
fucking useless and dumb that’s all it does yeah but i
think everybody’s
brain is working differently man
i mean slightly i
think we all have different
levels of different chemicals and different
you know his
music was probably fucking retarded then well
no he was a
classical guitarist he was really good
he was like
you know he
went like competitions and shit it was fucking badass
worst song i ever competition
no man he would
play songs that already existed
you know like spanish
flamenka songs that
kind of shit he was just
he’s a brilliant guitarist
and he said we take
vodka dance it
would make him more creative i don’t know
but you know everybody’s
brains he’s a fucking crazy dude
who was a former
taekwondo champion my friend dimitri
and he was a
big fucking burly
manly giant dude from the ukraine
you know his
his family is a
bunch of fucking savages
bunch of russian
fucking animals
and maybe the viking in just helped calm his
inner monkey
enough so that he
could you know he
could tune into his creative spirit
you know yeah everyone’s different right
this this dude is the only
dude that i’ve ever talked to that said viking ends
made him creative
that’s that
could easily been it you know
everybody’s got
their own fucking
thing man i mean how many people have you come across
where you go this guy’s just broken
his brains just not wired
right his body’s not wired
right he just he got the wrong
levels of all kinds of shit when he was in the womb
totally poor lindsay
that’s our message for lindsay
hang in there girl
you could you are
gonna get out in three
months and i
think that’s when lil
wayne gets out to
and you can get together and make a fucking badass cd
how about that as brock
says put some
underwear on how
about if lindsay
starts fucking rapping
while she’s in the
in the pokey
and comes out
like some badass
bitch rapper dude she’s gonna get
fucking laid so much
it’s probably she’s probably
gonna in jail
yeah she’s probably who’s
gonna fuck her in jail chicks
dude she’s in
heaven she’s
gonna come out with lesbian
hell yeah she is how do you know this
what she used to
date samantha
ron ronson or whatever
really sweet dj
you know djs i know
sam i know one dj
and i don’t know why i know because everybody was talks
about that guy
ties though
craig bursari one of the dudes who works for the
ufc i think he was one of
those telling me about this
the guy sells out
these gigantic fucking stadiums
not even craig i’m not sure
but he’s like this huge huge
huge fucking dj
where he sells out like
just gigantic events all over the
world man they
come to see this guy do dj and he makes his own like
electronic music
it’s huge i love it
but how do you know how do you find out
about these guys
i used to do myspace but now
pandora pandora yeah
just put in more
myspace if you want to
start off slow just put in fatboy slim
and then make a
radio station
based off that or something like that
yeah we talked
about this pandora’s pretty badass yeah
i like the idea creating your own
radio station
mm hmm good
stuff so brock
brock lesnar
and shane carwin that was crazy
brian was there
yeah on the
floors what on
i’m so glad they didn’t say about
man oh yeah
brock is one of
those people that that they don’t have to
worry about stopping it’s
gonna take a few
trains until they
really stop the guy
so glad that
you know i mean
you know trains to the head
but i mean that
he they didn’t stop it so i was
happy i was just
i was so scared they’re
gonna stop it
yeah well you know
it looked like they’re
gonna stop it i mean he was just
covering up and
shane carne was bombing on them and props to referee
josh rosenthal
because it wasn’t for josh rosenthal
that you know someone easily
could have pulled the
trigger earlier
right you know there’s a few guys that i
wouldn’t have
trusted in that situation but
josh saw that he was okay he was
going to get through it and he saw that
chains punches were coming slower and slower
and chain unfortunately just blew his wand
he had an adrenaline
dump i’m sure
the excitement of the fact that he had
the champ hurt and on his back and that
he was on top and he’s like this is over this fucking
thing is over
and he’s pounded him and
pounded him and
then all of a
sudden he’s
like fuck there’s two minutes left to go in this
round you know
and then he’s got to keep
going and by the end of
those two minutes there was nothing left
he got back to his corner and literally
could barely get up his legs were barely walking
and he was fucked he said his legs seized up
and he said he just went out there and he
tried to do
whatever he
could but his body just was not responding
he just completely adrenaline
dumped and completely blew out all of his energy
but goddamn did he hit him hard before that
holy shit that fucking
shane carwin can punch
he hits so hard he’s so big
but i think he’s too big
i think maybe like
he had to lose like 17
pounds to make
265 so he’s
walking in like
like somewhere around 280
ish you know on the day of the fight
so i think that
might be too big for his frame
you know i think
he might be better off if he was like 250
you know just a little
lighter but with more endurance
his punches are
still going to be
powerful nobody could
stand up to the way that guy hits
his punches will
still be ridiculously
powerful but
he’ll have a little bit more cardio
brock is just physically a bigger guy man brock
brock really has a 270
pound man’s body i mean he’s so wide
he’s just a big
giant freak
carlin’s not as wide you know he’s
still big as fuck got big
giant hands and shit but
you know i think brock
maybe can carry a little bit more weight
naturally than shane can
these guys when they
train really hard with weights and
power lifting and shit like that yeah makes you
stronger gives you a lot more muscle and that muscle’s
gotta get fed
it’s gotta get fed by blood
but god damn it was
exciting as fuck before it was
before it was over
how do you still have his mouthpiece
yeah i got brock
lesnar’s mouth
put in yet tasted the
taste of the
taste of a warrior
it’s right over there
he stuck it in my pocket
after was over i said i’m gonna sell that shit on ebay
but i’m just
gonna hang out to it yeah that’s cool
fucking i’m a fan
it’s a trivia moment
plus it was what a comeback
when he came out for that second round
his hands were
up high and like you know you just knew like this
motherfucker’s not going away
he got hit with some bombs and he was
still there and
still in really good
shape and that was really the big difference
he took shane down
gone shane’s half
guard passed
got on top of them
got him in an arm triangle and put him to
sleep it was fucking sweet
or put him you
know to tap
he would have gone to
sleep he really
cranked it tight and
brock is so gigantic he
they also call it a side choke
there’s two
different versions of it there’s one like this you do
it like this and that’s why it’s called an arm triangle
but the way
brock did it i
think he did it with a gable
grip where you do it like this
where it’s more it’s really more of a side choke
but brock is so big and so fucking strong
that when he just
crushes down like that like
you really don’t have any options man you’re
gonna go to
sleep he’s just got much too much
power he’s just
gonna crush that
whole area between your arm and your neck and
gonna get smushed
and there’s not
gonna be any air
that was one of the best
ufcs i think in a long time
right that was
dude i was standing up during the
lesnar fight
it was so exciting i couldn’t fucking sit down i
stood up that’s awesome
when car went hit him and
he went to the ground it was like
the whole thing there was so much energy in the
arena it was so unbelievable
and then when
brock took him down at the end it was like
the whole thing was just
so and then when he tapped like it was just
fucking craziness man there was so much energy i
stood up like
three or four times
i don’t do that man
that’s the only
fight i’ve ever had to
stand up in the middle of it because it was so crazy
like as far as like sheer
entertainment value
what a fucking fight
there was a
bunch of sheer
value fights
that were just off the charts
like lieben and akiyama
holy shit yeah that was
crazy man god
for sheer entertainment
that fight was better than any fucking
movie that’s ever been made i said
we’re gonna need
photos of his face
since then leaving
yeah dude leave is probably fine probably looks
today like nobody hit him really yeah he’s
tough as fuck damn
he can take
a shot dude he got nailed his legs went rubbery
he bounces backwards for a
second and then
starts walking forwards
again like a fucking zombie
it was incredible
he was he was like
literally like
right out of
twenty eight days later
it was fucking crazy
he can take bombs man he takes them
right on the chin and keeps going
the only persons been able to put him away is anderson
anderson’s just
way too fast way too technical way too fluid
just way too
gifted anderson’s just on another level
but for a lot of
other people man
you know it’s like arturo
gotti couldn’t
fight with with
floyd mayweather he got in there with
floyd mayweather he just
couldn’t compete he couldn’t compete with the style
he couldn’t compete with the technical superiority the
speed the reflexes the training
everything was superior and he just got lit up
but when he fought someone like
mickey ward who was like in his ball
in his range
he put on some of the most incredible
fights ever
it’s just a matter of getting on the
right opponent
and leven keeps getting better and better you know
he’s like you know he’s beating like high
level guys you know
aaron simpson
the guy who beat before he beat this guy is a bad
motherfucker man
aaron’s a serious fucking wrestler
strong as shit incredible endurance
i mean he’s just
his fight with tom lawler
he got nailed from pillar to post in that
first round
and then the
second round
you know he came back and he fucking
started taking
lower down and the
third round he came back and won that
round too and
wound up getting the decision when
it looked like he was a dead man in the
first round he was getting battered so
this guy’s tough as fuck
so when lieben
put him away it was like wow like that’s that’s
strong that’s a
strong statement
you know and then the next
fight to go
right from that two weeks later to
fight akiyama
you know akiyama is a fucking bad dude man
knocked out dennis
kang’s fastest fuck
awesome judo real
solid grappler you know
he’s a good dude so leaving
two fucking
sweet wins in a row
and how about that
kristoff suzinski stephen bonner fight oh
that was probably
one of my that’s my
second favorite of the
night dude a man
are just attacked like a man
possessed yeah of
he knew that like it was
do or die time he had lost to coleman
he had you know had the
fight with suzynski like he was fight
look that guy will always have a home in the
ufc because he’s a part of the biggest
fight in the history of the
sport the most important
fight the fight that got everybody to pay attention the
fight with him
and stefan bonner
when they were on
spike tv when it was the
finals of the
ultimate fighter the very
first season
people were
so many people were
tuning in while the
fight was on
that i think
the amount of people viewing the fight by
the time the first card
started but the
first fight of the card
started to stefan
bonner and forres griffin
boris griffin’s fight
they’d like double tripled quadrupled
at one point in time some insane number like six to 10
million they estimated
forget what it was
but something
crazy was watching that
fight where nobody was watching
spike tv before that
just people were calling
their friends and they were like dude
you gotta fucking
turn this on turn on channel whatever it is
these two guys are beating the shit out of each other
and forest griffin and stephen bonner had like a
movie fight
it wasn’t even real it was like a goddamn
every which way but
loose clint eastwood
movie it was him
fighting tank murdoch
they beat each
other all over the fucking
place and kept coming
they just went after each
other for 15
solid minutes nobody backed down for a second
you know so he’ll always have like
a strong place in the organization
they’ll always
have love for that dude
but he also knew that he wants to be
back in the heat
at 205 he wants to be
fighting up to his potential and he knows
he’s had some
good outings and some not so good outings that john
jones fight was a
tough loss he had
three tough losses in a row
so he stepped in
like a fucking wild man felt like his life was on the
line i was actually surprised to see him back since the
last one yeah
but i’m glad
cause i always liked that guy well you know
he got through when coleman
got caught man
coleman fought couture
he got caught but
right before coleman
beat couture or lost to couture
rather he beat bonner
you know so are you surprised that like kimbo is not
given an extra shot or
yes and no i see the point
you know really
if he wasn’t kimbo
you would have to cut him
matt metreone
beat him down and it looked like he was you
know it didn’t look like he was in the
right kind of condition
it looks like he got really
tired his technical prowess wasn’t up to the
level of metreone
metreone and improved much more
from his time on the
ultimate fighter
and you also have to wonder
about kimbo’s body
kimbo had some real knee problems on the show
and the knee problems that he had on the show they
weren’t fixable
things it’s like bone on bone type shit
he’s worn out the cartilage in one of his knees
which means
you can’t train as hard you can’t sprawl
and you can’t
do the kind of wrestling
training that you need you can’t get
your legs kicked the way you kind of need to get kicked
you know he’s got a
pretty serious problem
that problem kept him from
fighting in the main event or
getting another
shot at getting back in the heat of the show remember
he got eliminated and
then they offered it to him they offered him a fight
and he passed on the
fight because of his knee
that’s not something that gets better
so it’s like
unless he’s
got some sort of a cartilage replacement surgery
or i don’t know what they’re even able to do these days
he’s got a problem with that knee
and that knee is
gonna keep him from being able to
train the way
the way gsp
trains or tiago
alves trains or
any of the killers
so it’s you know
i don’t know i i
think you could
still make a lot of
money off the guy and the guy
still wants a fight
i look at it as like you know butterbean
member and butterbean was king of the four
rounders you know
doesn’t mean
you don’t use butterbean on your car just because
it’s not gonna beat
larry holmes all right
you know get butterbean
out there fuck it you know put them out there
it’s it’s it’s
it’s still entertaining
you know it’s like chris
lieben i mean
chris lieben
is you know he’s battling it out with the best in the
world he’s beating akiyama beat you know he’s
he’s starting to move up in the chain
but the end of the rainbow for him is always
gonna be anderson silva
you know anderson
i mean look anybody can beat anybody on any
given day a zigguin you
should have zag you run into one of chris lieben’s
punches you
could be in a lot of trouble
the two are so far apart
anderson is in such a different
level athletically
his ease of movement
it’s just like
what do you do you’re not
going to cut lieben
why would you cut him he’s one of the most
fighters in the world
so even if he can’t beat anderson
got to keep him around even if he can
never beat the best guy in the
world which i’m not saying he can’t you
never know you
never fucking know and
he’s improving and shit happens and
weirder things have taken
place in this world
but if even if he doesn’t if
never if he can
never beat anderson he should
still be around because he’s awesome
you know he’s fucking fun as shit to watch
so i think that
about kimbo too i
think kimbo’s fun to watch
and even though he’s not like
the at the level
that you know
gino santos is or kane
velasquez is he’s not at that
level i mean
you just got to
match them correctly
just just accept the fact that this guy is
never going to be a
title contender and
even though that’s not really what the
ufc is all about the
ufc is the very best guys
fighting the very best guys
and those may be hurt
throwing a young
gun in there with a gatekeeper make kimbo a gatekeeper
you know make him a guy that you test
young guys with i
think that’s
that makes it kind of interesting
as long as kimball wants to keep doing it
and if he keeps losing and then you know gets to a
point where nobody wants to see him anymore
then maybe stop using them
what do you have a chance
what do you think dana
white would say
about having a ufc
bar that was
just in the middle there was an octagon and
every night you just go there and there’s just people
fighting constantly
couldn’t do that
you can have that many people
fighting now
no you know it
would be too hard to sanction it
it’ll be too hard to
ensure that everybody had the proper medicals
it’d be too hard to find qualified
fighters because they can’t
fight but you know
i mean lieben fought
aaron simpson then two weeks
later he fought akiyama
very unusual and
for most people there’s a few
months off in between
fights and a
lot of that is because you get beat up and you got to
relax and rest
and heal up
if you have any injuries they have to
be fixed some guys
break their hands some guys
ligaments they have to get operations you know
shogun just got an operation on his knee
can you imagine
if they did that in vegas
or something i
think a better
bar solution
since the ufc has this gigantic library of 116 events
the best idea is to
serve good food
have a cool bar
and have the
ufc planned
state on all
these different fucking
televisions yeah
a steak bar with ufc
everywhere and then
during live shows they have like huge movie
theaters yes
or they have it on
every goddamn tv
in the room
doing a live show they have it on
every goddamn tv in the room and you have to pay 20
bucks to get in or whatever it is and
damn they would
clean the fuck up now
we’re going to the ufc bar
because really it
would be it’s it’s really there’s a cool
thing about
watching it live
i love watching
fights live because it’s
crazy and you’re
right there when it’s
going down it’s really
nothing the
experience is
nothing like anything you’ve ever had before
if your seats are good
right but if your seats aren’t that good
you know if you’re in the bleachers you know
it’s kind of cool being there still but
it’s pretty fucking badass to go to a
place with a bunch of
other people and
watch it on tv
you know like having a
ufc bar where people
you know if you can’t afford to go to
vegas you know you’re living in another city
everybody all your friends
gonna go to the
ufc bar and
watch the fight
totally i think it
would be for
mma fans alone
and everything i
think dana could have
his own little menu like
david’s desserts brock’s
members davis
desserts pinkberry
joe rogan’s
ravioli ravioli
why do i have ravioli because you italian hey
that would work that would work but having live
fights i don’t think that
would work i think that would be a little too much
yeah but no seriously that ufc gym
you know that yeah
i’m sure that’s doing good too
i don’t know i don’t know anything about it
pretty crazy
some dude facebooked me
from a ufc gym
like i’m the manager of
ufc gym if you’re in town you wanna work out
alright buddy i think that sounds like a
great idea fucking do some squats at your ufc gym
take a goddamn tybo class
right i wonder what kind of classes they’re gonna have
what kind of
liability do you have
if you let dudes actually beat the shit out of each
other i know
because if you have sparring
the bottom line is you’re not
going through
extensive medicals when you have sparring like
when dudes sparr
in kickboxing
classes i’ve
never taken a
blood test i’ve
never taken a fucking cat scan
i’ve never never taken shit
but that’s like any workout any gym has no
yeah just sign here
we’re not responsible good
dude you don’t even sign anything at boxing gyms
most of them you know
shit damn the
places i’ve worked on they’ll just slap
gloves on you and you
climb in the
ring with another dude that you don’t even know
and you say
okay so you
know just go easy go easy let me see what you can do
and you’re fucking
throw punches with some
dude that you don’t even know and you know who knows
most of time dudes are cool but
every now and then dudes will try to take your head off
they don’t know you
might have an aneurysm just
ready to pop
right behind your eyeball
and he touches you in the chin your legs go
you fall you
hit your head on the back of the mat and that
thing burst and just fills your eyeballs with
blood and you fucking die
right there
that’s possible i need to go to
when i went to get my eyes
checked a while back they were like
there’s something
in the back of your eye it’s probably nothing but you
should take it to a doctor and like yeah
oh you’ve got a
brain tumor
i know that was like ten years ago though
i would know it
right now you gotta
smoke a lot of weed
lose weight yeah
and where can i eat a lot of vegetables 15
pounds today get
drink my kombucha
you’ve lost 15 pounds
over the course
of how long
since the 18th
wow june that’s that’s a lot of weight
how the fuck you losing that much weight
crack cigarettes
hookers now
i modified weight
watcher the weight
watcher diet
which is modified meaning you taking less calories
well weight
watchers is you have this many
points you use them based on
this is the food like an orange is two
points you know
a sandwich is six
points whatever
so what i’ve been doing is
doing the weight
watcher diet but only eating zero to one
point shit so mostly vegetables mostly do you um
do you eat like little
small meals to keep like your metabolism and
eat small meals throughout the day
that’s like it’s all like one
point zero point shit and i’m not
going anywhere
close to my allowed at 35
points a day i’m probably doing
seven seven
points a day yeah
you’re like a little
chick that’s just like chicken you’re like a goddamn
chick bro you like lindsay
lohan you’re
starving yourself to
death totally
it’s great no but i’m making sure i’m getting all
the nutrients and proteins and all that stuff
since i’ve done brian
just for fyi
since i’ve known why is your
phone on that’s not me is it
alerts you getting alerts
since i’ve known
brian he’s done this like five times
where he got
heavy and then he got
skinny he got
heavy yo yo dieting is one of the safest
ways to to long
jiviate your life longevity
he went from you were up at like
how hot was the heaviest you were ever at two forty
three two forty
three and by the way he’s
how tall are you five
eight five eight okay 243 that’s
giant he was a fat guy
his legs used to
touch together in the middle
he had to wear
crazy pants
his pants were always way too long
because his
waist and his butt were way too big for
pants that were that long
so they had
his pants were always like
shuffling and then
this guy got dumped by his
girlfriend and went fiance
fiance sorry
it’s much more devastating
than just a
girlfriend right
seven years
they were together for a long time it’s very
devastating and he went on a goddamn weight watcher
elliptical machine rampage
and over the course of how long
three months
you lost like 70
pounds right i was 1
63 was the lowest i got then i
decided to and that was in
three months
yeah that’s so unhealthy
that’s so unhealthy dude
you basically
starved yourself
do you have
pictures of yourself
when you were that skinny
do you have anything that would
shock the people at home yeah i do
actually i have something really just pulled that up so
i can take a look at that because it was really strange
it turns out
brian has a weird head
we just don’t know because it’s always like
it’s always like
embraced in
a row of soft tissue
and you don’t get to see the true
shape of his head
but when you just see
skinny brian
skinny brian is a strange dude i don’t even know what
nationality he is he looks like he’s a fucking alien
i’ll find it
where’s kenny bryant
what we got to do is we got to make your neck
build up this to
match your head
it’s very important
you know you can have a big head
as long as you have a big neck to support that big head
right you got
a big head son and you don’t have a big neck
and that shit looks strange
well that’s because
that’s because
your head is used to be your body being gigantic
right so what you got to do is
you got to build
your neck up you know that’s one of the most popular
things in hollywood though for actors to
make exercises they want you to have a big head
what is that about
i don’t know it’s a
thing where
maybe it’s a more more
brains thing
but it can’t be true
cause i know some people with big heads are
stupid as fuck
here’s a picture of me
holding my old
pants up wow
well this is not helping the people at home now
now i might find a better one i’ll post on my twitter
later today well
when you do i’ll retweet it
cause i know people are fucking
excited to see
what you look like when you look strange there’s one
picture i have that’s just so scary
but what was interesting is when you became
went from being a fat guy to a
skinny guy you also
found out that
you’re attractive
and you started getting girls
girls were liking you man
it was like
you know like
chick should be into brian
and brian was like wow
like this is
crazy look at what this like
but then what happens
and i settle in and then you get a
girlfriend got a
girlfriend i gained it all back
never gained it all back no i didn’t i’m probably
one i’m one ninety five right now
one ninety five well
so at least you’re
still forty
whatever pounds right
away from what you were
right i don’t
wanna get back to one
sixty five that was way too low
i look like i had aids no you didn’t
i thought i look
like what you’re supposed to look like dude
you just so used to see yourself gigantic
you did not look like you had aids i
swear you never looked
like scary skinning you
never did it looked weird
because like all the
sudden you were looks like the tiny person
you know that’s you that’s
ridiculous isn’t that
ridiculous i thought
that looks like a healthy person really i hate
to say that that looks like a healthy person
your problem is your head’s too big for your body
you gotta start working out
if you started working out dude you’d be a sexy
bitch right there you’re looking sexy as fuck yeah
there’s a dude that i know that has the
tiniest head
and it always trips me out whenever i talk to him
he has it backwards he has the
tiniest head ever it’s a very small head
and all i can
think of when i’m next to him is
would it be like to
punch him in his little tiny head
i mean i don’t want to do it and i
would never like do it
but i just think man if you
punch this guy and not even me like
if a person did
punch this guy in his tiny little head
like you could just
crush his head he’s got a bird head
that’s weird
i’d rather i’d rather have a way big to head
way big to way big to
filled with
smarts my fucking
stupid head is
smart as fuck
so um your um
that’s another
skinny photo
that’s crazy
these up on
twitter i’m telling you dude that looks healthy
i think i look like i
think i look like a gay
lesbian right
brian that’s what you look like god damn it you’re gay
lesbian underneath it all
that’s that’s what you look like when you’re thin
that’s hilarious but i don’t want to be a gay
lesbian but
how come you can’t stay
the same way
don’t you like
monitor your weight and you see it go up and what
do you do what’s the process when you see it going up
what keeps you
from just recognizing
that and cutting back on your food
well it’s not even a cutback at food it’s
i have the metabolism of a
small goat where i
eat small goats are
skinny as fuck
dude what are you talking
about they’re lean
that’s a terrible example
i meant backwards
you have a metabolism of
fat person yeah that’s what i mean i fucking eat like
two pieces of
pizza again
so if you just gave up
and just were a
sedentary fuck and had a normal nine to
five job we
ate shit at the office and
ate shit for lunch
and then you came home you were too
tired to work and you
ate and then
watch tv you just be a
giant fat huge i’d be
crazy huge i wonder how many my
grandmother was like six hundred pounds
on my dad’s side really yeah she was humongous diabetes
everything that’s
scary yeah my dad said
yeah i wonder
how many dudes who are like that have like a hormonal
imbalance a thyroid imbalance or something that
could be corrected well it’s so
why he’s got mine
checked and
i’m supposedly fine whatever the
thyroids fine yeah but
check your testosterone
no i don’t know
non detective
i saw this not saw i was listening to
sirius satellite
radio the other day and one of the
things they were saying about
guys who gain a lot of weight
is a lot of
times it’s just some sort of a hormone imbalance
and that it’s
maybe a testosterone imbalance
they could cure it with like some
cream yeah but when i just get more hairier
i don’t need that anymore listen
bitch what are you
gonna take care
and have some fucking energy
and and not
become fat i
should get that
checked honestly
cause i bet you i’m fucking no you
tired all the time i’m
tired from when i wake i wake up in the morning i’m
tired guarantee you and
especially because you don’t do anything that
forces your body to produce it
you’re not involved in any
heavy lifting or anything
i think that’s one of the most important
things when you’re maintaining your health as you get
older you have to do strength training
you have to do
training that makes your body constantly regenerate
tissue keep your glands pumping
when i wake up i really feel
tired like i
never have woken up and like wow
i have sleep
apnea to man i probably have
you snore yeah
chicks tell you snore
yeah you ever
like gag in your
sleep i don’t do
well you should get tested man
i got a new
mouthpiece that i
started wearing you know because i got diagnosed with
sleep apnea a few years ago
and when the
doctor created this
mouthpiece it’s got dr coropian and tarzana
he created some
a mouthpiece
that keeps your tongue down and the problem is
i have a big tongue and
my my neck is big from working out all the time
and my hold that i have in the back of my
throat it’s not so big
and so when i lie down my tongue falls back as i
relax and covers over the fucking hole
and i gag and cough
like a lot of times it’s fat people fat people have it
but athletes have it a lot too
anybody who has
like a big neck if you have a big tongue it’s probably
gonna happen to you
so this mouthpiece kind of keeps
your tongue down well he just invented a new one i just
started using this new one
dude it’s incredible
i wake up i feel so fucking rested
mrs rogan says i don’t snore at all anymore
and i feel so much better and my dreams are
super vivid man my
dreams are really intense
they’re really like very very lifelike to the
point where sometimes my
alarm goes off in mid dream
and i’m like wow that was a
dream cause it’s not even
they’re not even like
crazy dreams they’re
dreams like life dreams
it’s very strange they don’t have a
dream like feel to them they feel like
dropped another
level below
in my depth of my sleeping
you know and so i’m having these
maybe i’m reaching a rem
level that i wasn’t
reaching before
because i was snoring all the time because i
would choke and i have this
sleep apnea
problem because even the
mouthpiece didn’t totally cure it it
definitely made it better
right but i
still snored
this new one i don’t snore at all
is that a picture of you and jenna
jameson yeah
when she was what
when we were in arizona yeah
so what’s the goal now you’re at
195 and what’s your goal trying to get to
165 yeah you
should get your hormones
checked out son
you might have problems i should
you know they can
one thing you can do
things to cure it but one of the
things that works is
squats squats and
heavy lifting
makes your body
produce more testosterone
makes your body produce more growth hormone
it’s very good for you but
you gotta not be a pussy
you gotta actually do em yeah
you don’t seem like the type of dude that’s really into
what straining i just
seem like the energy i have per day
is so small that
you look at it yeah
like i feel like i am
i’m barely trying
i’m barely trying not to go back to sleep
damn dude you really need to get yourself
checked out yeah what if you have a real
issue that’s probably
do but if i had it it’s been i’ve had it my
whole life hmm
if i’ve had it
what do you think
i don’t know what
fucking goddamn kids get off my lawn
we haven’t looked at the photo
the the questions on
on twitter and forever oh
here’s the other
thing that i did last week that i forgot about
i actually gave my phone number out on twitter yeah
what’s going on with that
i fucked up royally i gave my
phone number out
i gave it to doug benson cause doug was gonna come to
vegas this weekend
and he wanted to come hang out with us at the
house of blues
and i said yeah man i said i can even get you into the
ufc here’s my
here’s my phone number
me and i put it in the main twitter box
instead of the
direct message box i thought i was sending a
direct message
so i tweeted my fucking number to the whole
world so i was like god damn it and then it just
started vibrating
and vibrating and the calls were just coming in like
they never stopped it was like one after the
other cause
you know when you have
i’ve got 130 something
thousand twitter friends and who knows how many 10
maybe 10 000
might have seen it i
tried to delete it but it was too late it was out there
and so then as i was driving to the verizon
store to go change my number
i just started answering
phone calls like what’s up
is this joe rogan
like yeah man what’s
going on what are you doing
might come on my way to the verizon
store i’m just turning in my phone
i have to i
would answer it here for you guys and show you
but i have verizon
and verizon
doesn’t work here
where i live you know
but i did it all week i accepted as a family you
did act very nice though you could have
told all those
morons who called you and ruined your
phone number you
could have just posted all
those online and fuck them
you know but you were nice
about you took the high road
well what are they doing they’re just look
i fucked up it’s out there
right it’s not you’re not
gonna take it away it’s like
everyone’s gonna be so cool
that no one’s
gonna call you on that
would not be
great though if everyone was cool
no because some of the people just want to call to
say hi why not if you were eighteen years old
and you you’re a fan of some dude and also he’s got his
phone number online
and you call him and he actually answers like holy shit
that’s most of the
calls most of the calls were people saying holy shit
and they were all cool
what do you think
about fader or losing is he out of the
ufc managers
never gonna
bring them in now
and all these conversations about
fucking had conversations
about comedy
i conversations
about about
mma i had a
bunch of different conversations
about all kinds of shit and i was like i’m
gonna keep this
phone fuck it
so i kept it
as a fan line you want to call it i really do answer it
not all the time
but i pick it up
every now and then
eight one eight five one
seven two seven
seven four that’s my
phone number that’s my fan line now i
agree with that number
i know that was like a real number right
like shit he’s giving out
the real number
i thought that
would be kind
of cooler too to actually give out the real number
instead of getting
another number and making it my fan line
it’s like actually
kinda cool that
you actually have my real number i mean that’s like my
legit number that i’ve had for fucking a decade right
so that’s my number and
that’s the deal this weekend
i’m gonna be at the ontario improv
with the one and only joey coco
diaz and that’s
gonna be a lot of fun
ontario is a badass club it’s selling out quickly so
if you want
to get in i know a lot of people got shut out in irvine
i talked to a lot of people that were
disappointed and i’m
sorry i didn’t get in but
you know these clubs they only seat like 300 people so
if you want to come to a show
especially like the fridays
shows and the saturday shows you
know sunday sometimes a little easier because you got
less people are out doing
things but friday and saturday
those fucking tickets so quick
irvine was awesome irvine
last weekend
every show sold out
every show was
cool people were cool as fuck it was awesome
and then house of blues was awesome too
although i did get a todd too
drunk just a
touch yeah what happened one shot over the line not
too bad cause i didn’t actually
nothing it was nothing bad the show was
great but i
definitely got too drunk
and i told the
second half of a joke twice
is because i didn’t tell the
first half of it
right the first time
so i tried to like redo it and i
and then i realized
as i was saying it i was like i already said this
isn’t it does that suck to you
it does but i just
admit it you
admit it like i immediately
just stop and
admit it i just
said what happened
you know and
eddie’s going to
point it out i go
yeah i know
but i did it because i fucked up this part of it
but it’s not a good enough answer
it’s the answer really is i was
drunk that’s the answer i mean i’m saying what i did
wrong but the only reason why i did it
again is because i was
drunk right
i just i didn’t have anything to eat
and i had like
three shots in a row on stage
which is two shots too many
but still it was a
still fun fucking
fun like really
happy crowd they were cool sam tripoli was hilarious
yeah sam was awesome he crushed it it was really good
yeah that place could go either way you
know sometimes the ufc knights that place is
you know the
house of blues is just a madhouse well we fixed
it we fixed it we fixed it when we got real
standing only that
changed the vibe of it so much
because people were uncomfortable
before and you felt that uncomfort from them
because the fact they had to
stand and watch a show
and i made a lot more
money than on
those shows but i don’t care i don’t want people to
stand up i think it sucks
when we saw
stand up we saw
stand hope rather that shit cured me
no more stand up shows i’ll
never make someone pay to see me
stand up ever again
we fucked up in memphis
joey and i did a show in memphis and
it had to be
stand up because it was a really tiny place and
if it wasn’t
stand i would only seated like
100 people and all
these people were
standing up by the bar
so half the
crowd was standing
and they were
all talking at full
voice like bar
voice like no one was like
paying attention to the show
when joey went on
stage no one
was like maybe 10
of the people in the bar
weren’t talking
it was just a low rumble
and then i was like okay this is the
final straw i’ll
never have a
standing room show ever it’s not fun to watch man
the part of what is good
about a show is you can kick back and relax
what would be awesome is if
every fucking
place you went had real comfortable seats
if you could sit on a
couch like this
if that’s how you watched
every comedy show
kicking back and
chilling on a couch
how fucking it
would be way funnier
because you be feeling
relaxed you have no tension it’s like
you’re more likely to
laugh at shit
when you’re
standing your fucking feet hurt that sucks
first person i ever
heard say that was
jimmy norton
and i heard
jimmy talking
about it he was
promoting one of his shows
and it was talking about
you know people were calling in and saying that they
heard there were
standing tickets in the back and
jimmy was like no no no it’s
going to be
my show is a
standing show
and i was like wow he’s like real adamant
about that but i didn’t
think it was that big of a deal i’m like well
maybe he’s just
you know he’s more
rigid with his
style or something and he wants to make it like that
but then i you know
i realized that’s the
right thing to do
those standing shows the stanhope
shows i mean they’re fun and
everything but it’s not as fun
yeah to me i don’t know it was my
age or what the
whole time i’m just
focusing on the pain of my
standing like
how uncomfortable it was it’s not an age
thing man i didn’t like
standing up with a concrete
floor when i was 10 yeah
you know it
doesn’t feel good
when i worked at gateway i had to do it
eight hours and
weren’t allowed to sit down
throughout the day so you
would find the thickest
shoes and then you put the best
inserts in that shit’s not good for
you it’s not
you know your body’s supposed to be moving around too
cause that’s
when i do stand up and i’m on
stage for an hour and a half or whatever i’m on for it
doesn’t i’m never hurt
i feel fine i get off i get off i feel
energized but
standing in one
place and not
moving at all for an hour and a half that sucks
that’s terrible
you’re carrying your weight you don’t even
think about it but
you’re not even
moving you don’t even get
blood flowing through it and you’re
right next to
other people
so you can’t
stretch your arms out
move your body and
touch your toes and shit
like if you don’t do that man your body feels like shit
i think it’s very important
that’s one of the reasons
why i don’t like doing comedy too much in bars anymore
i don’t like
i’ll do it every now and then just for a goof just to
experience something different get to get a different
taste of comedy you know do like a little
shitty little hollywood gigs
every now and
again but i
think it’s very important the right
atmosphere has to be set
you know the same
atmosphere that’s good for
music it’s not the same
atmosphere that’s good for comedy
you know music you
could go up and people
could be talking like how’s everybody doing out there
and then you
play your song man you don’t you don’t require
their attention
a hundred percent
their complete interaction
you don’t require that you don’t require a response
a definite response you know from them
comedy though
it’s tricky very tricky
setting up the
atmosphere is so tricky
it’s why it’s important
i always go on the road
with dudes who i
think are funny
i always go on the road with friends it’s so important
the worst thing you
could ever do is go on the
road and a guy opens for you and the guy fucking sucks
he doesn’t just suck he like sucks like
and like it’s like
bad material
and it’s like badly done
and like the totally different
crowd that you
would have you know that he
would have normally
yeah most of them
would never have a
crowd at all yeah
really bad ones yeah
and i’ve been one of
those really
bad ones by the way i’m not shitting on them
i’m i mean it’s part of the development process
i’m writing this book that i’m writing
about a lot of my
early comedy days
it’s making me rehash
old bombing
stories that i forgot of
terrible fucking disastrous tales of the road
and they’re fucking crazy
you know but a lot of it was just
cause i sucked
i was just terrible i didn’t know how to
relax back then i didn’t know how to
do comedy yet i was really just fucking feeling it out
which is fine and good you know and it’s a
thing you have to go through but i don’t want people
going through it before i get up on stage
because if they do it
right before you it’s like it
taints the whole room
it’s like someone just came on
stage and just shit into
their minds you know
then you’re forced to like
clean everything up and
start from scratch
you know it’s
you have to like do damage control you know yeah
so weird at
this comic i know he’s
i think 20 years old
and he’s just the nicest
guy little kid ever you know
he’s always you
know asking for advice to like ari and me and
stuff like that just
a really nice guy and
he’s just you
can’t tell him
how just how nice this guy is
did you fuck him
what did you
say no no well
he just said that told me the
other day that he’s
gonna be like lead role
in like a real
movie now and
he’s going to go from this nice
nice little open mic
young kid now he’s
gonna be like lead role in a
movie and it’s just it’s a big
movie or that
kind of well i
think it’s a
it’s a think it’s a big
movie it’s like
what it is it’s supposed to be like a cloverfield
but it’s it’s like at a
party with like
generation x guys or whatever
generous and it becomes a
monster movie
no no how it’s like recorded like it’s
like like cell
phones cell
phones like that
you know what man i’m not buying that anymore
i bought that shit with like the
i thought it was kind of interesting the blair
witch project
how they did that i thought that was a good movie
i mean it was really like for what it was
when we saw the blair
witch project the
first time i saw it
was we were in houston and
chris mcguire and i were working at the last stop
and this was way back in the day
whenever it came out
and this dude
who worked at the
movie theater across the street
came to the show
and after the show we’re all hanging out and
smoking weed
and the dude goes hey do you guys want to go
watch the blair
witch project
right now we can all
watch it like
we’ll set it up i got the keys we’ll turn it on
i’m like get
the fuck out of here are you serious he’s like yeah
so it was like a midnight show okay
so we went over there at two o’clock in the morning
and this dude had the keys unlock the
place we got popcorn and shit
and it was just
him the dude
he worked there a couple
other people that worked with him like a guy and a girl
and me and chris maguire
says five of us and we
watched the blair
witch project and was badass yeah
was the perfect way to watch it
freaked me out the
second time i
watched it it was terrible did not work
not only did it not work
there was some dude who brought his baby
and this fucking
mexican dude and his baby was making all this
noise who’s like two
you know and
you know so a
bunch of people like shush
dumb and he got
aggressive with the people fuck you
bitch don’t fucking shush me bitch
and i was like okay now i have to fucking
think about this guy and his fucking inconsiderate
ways and he’s got a baby and people trying to shush him
and he’s you know fucking
yelling at them
and threatening them i’ll fucking kick your ass
bitch and that kind of shit
so now you gotta think
about him for the fucking
movie or so it was a bad experience
you know i don’t really like
going to movies anymore
so roll the dice
yeah i mean
especially when
nowadays it’s like i can get a blu ray i can wait
i can wait six
months and that
the experience at my
house now is better than
i think going to a
movie yeah if you have a nice good size tv
and you know you got a good size
sound system plus
you don’t have to
worry i can
get pee breaks
i can fucking smoke weed
yeah you can have whatever food you want you can
have a comfortable
couch to watch on it’s a way better experience
people like the event of being out there with
other people
you know people like that’s what one of
things people like
about a concert
you know a fucking
ozzy osbourne
was playing just to you and it was just you and ozzy
alone with his band in a room
you probably
wouldn’t even want to be there
right you know maybe like
maybe listen to a song or two you be like this is
crazy he’s looking me in the eyes and singing fucking
you know you’d
have to look at you you’re the only one there
but if you’re you know
one of 15 000 in an
arena then it’s cool
then it’s fun that’s crazy but
i think movie theaters need to reboot man
i think they need to stop going hey
we’re charging you 14
for tickets 8
for a popcorn 5
for a pop i think they need to it
is kind of fucked that you have to pay that much just
to watch it
whereas if you want to own it
like 30 bucks in a few
months not even
that you can get a best buy for 14 99 on dvd
you know 12 99 not blu ray though
right blu ray
30 bucks sometimes opening week or first
week you know
they’ll have it on sale for like 17
yeah if you
watch something blu ray it’s so much better
so much more comfortable
watching shit at home yeah
this i watched the wolfman
the other day
again yeah i
watched it again
i don’t even like it it’s a terrible
movie but i
think it’s dope
when it’s at home
when it’s at
home i like it yeah it’s not bad when i saw in the
movie theater i’m like i paid for this fucking
stupid movie this
movie’s retarded yeah
what do i say that was pretty good oh
the crazies
crazy dude the crazies
this good goddamn
horror movie really yeah
i don’t wanna tell you the premise
cause i didn’t know a thing
about it i’ll
give you the blu ray i got it up here oh cool
i didn’t know a thing
about it i knew nothing
but someone had said this is a really
scary movie someone twittered it so i
might check it out
because i don’t know
i love when i don’t know anything
about a movie i didn’t
know nothing i didn’t i hadn’t seen a single preview
i saw a photo
with a guy with a
pitchfork that’s it
that’s all i know
so like okay some
crazy shit obviously
guys killing people with a
pitchfork right
great movie
i mean not the best
movie in the world but
a good goddamn horror
movie good solid
holy shit horror movie
then i’m like why wasn’t this
movie popular
why didn’t this
movie go somewhere in the
movie theater
it’s pretty fucking good
i didn’t hear
a thing about it did you hear anything about it
i just remember the advertise
or the advertising
how they advertised it
the last airbender i have not seen it you know why
cause you’re not fooling me
again you fuck
m night shamalama ding dong
your movies are
goddamn terrible sir i
think it’s done
i think the
happy internet
internet sat there when he had zero percent of rotten
tomatoes is like yes this is hilarious i
know he had 0
of rotten tomatoes for a long time
like six now or
seven or something
yeah he’s got
a few percent now there’s a few fools out there
or some staff members from
tonight shamalama ding dongs fucking
but what makes me even
more angry is that the fact that the opposite
is happening with toy story 3
because that’s a
movie i don’t care
if you’re the most
angriest person in the
world you’ll sit there and you’ll go at least
yeah that was a good movie
those pixar
movies are always good man
they’re so good at it one bad one i
think there
was one or two bad ones and it was just like
really i wanna meet
these people and go
what the fuck is
wrong with you
are you really
that angry of a person or
are you somebody from a different
movie studio just being a dick you know there’s a
lot of that
a lot of espionage and fucking double
crossing online
for sure a lot of positive comments as well by paid
shills you know people accuse the
ufc of doing that all the time on the
underground people are saying how many of you guys are
paid ufc shills
as far as i know there are none but there
might be i might just not know
about them it
might very well be that they hire people to
get online i mean it’s effective
marketing if you
think about it
get online you hype up a
fight you start talking
you instigate comments you know
do you think that you know
shane would have been
knocked out by brett
rogers you know or that i don’t
think it’s but
i bet lesnar
would have been
knocked out by brett
rogers like
sometimes it is
i know it is
i know but i
know in the
pride days they
used to do that there’s
just a lot of people also that’s all they think yes
that is true but but
as far as like
as far as like putting together threads and pushing
positive threads and talking
about how excited you are for something
it’s a good move
you know it’s a
smart move you know if you get a good thread together
amazon’s reviews are that
yeah well i pay attention to amazon’s reviews
half of it could be
total bullshit
i even try to read it to say okay does this
sound like something like a publicist made or
the company made
no one can stop you from doing that you
could review the shit out of your own stuff
i’ve never done that with anything i’ve ever done i’ve
never done that but
i was pleasantly surprised at how
many cool fucking comments i got on the itunes thing
i thought when i was
going over the podcast i’m like there’s
going to be a
bunch of douchebags that don’t want to hear us
yapping about
things because this
is kind of a free form podcast a lot of times we talk
about the same subjects we’ve talked
about before
they’re relevant to the current conversation i can’t
i gotta assume that each one of
these two hour
things is its own thing
i try not to repeat
things as much as possible but
and it’s also just hard to remember
you know what was 28 times two
you know how many
hours is that of trying to
but i also think that we get into subjects a lot deeper
than you can if you’re just doing an hour podcast
you know i like the hour podcast format but i
think there’s something
about really intense conversations or
we have these cool conversations you
gotta let them kind of take
their fucking path
you know and sometimes
it’s like well this is it we’re just
gonna stop it now
but you know there’s more shit to be talked about
but so many fucking people who said
things on the itunes
were cool there’s
a bunch of complaints
about the sound
which we did have problems with the
sound but we
fixed all that shit and if you
think it’s too low stop listening it on your iphone
speaker phone it’s low for everything
brian’s very
upset with this
well some guys said
how low it was and so today i
recorded myself
going on like
adam corollas
you know a couple of them and then ours i
think we got the
loudest this is good now
we mean and i
think this is the
right way to do it too because i’ve
heard things
where people talk on live mics
and it’s not
quite as loud or clear
the reason why
radio stations use
these kind of mics and
stand up comedy use this kind of mics and
this is the
right shit to use
so this is the way we’re
going to keep it
as far as like
putting up this
green screen i kind of gave up on that shit
i think it’s distracting
i might put up
a banner or something
maybe put up a big
flat screen and
have a constantly
changing logo
make you you can put together some nutty
video and i’ll be playing in the
background we think
good move just
show ideas on a toilet but i
think i’ve given up on the idea of us being in
space looking like a
cable access show
you know the
flashlight is our only sponsor
and like i said before that if if it wasn’t a
sponsor i would still tell you to use it
things the fucking bomb diggity me too it’s awesome
gigs this weekend i will be at the ontario improv
friday saturday and sunday with joey diaz
as we said tickets are selling quick
so if you want to come
come the next time i’ll be if you’re in la
and you want to go somewhere closer i’m
at the universal
city john lovett’s
has a comedy club up there the john lovett’s comedy
club and that’s
next saturday
it’s like the
17th or some shit something like that two shows
next saturday two shows i
never been there before i
heard it’s good
and john lovetts
is a nice guy i like that guy love that
shopping center i love her that
whole universal
place i love that
place yeah that’s a cool
place it’s like being a disney road
so that’s it
ladies and gentlemen for this week
thank you very much for
tuning in we
appreciate the fuck out of it as always and
much respect
much love and we will see you all
next week same bad time same bet
not this is not even the same time it was next week
we’re gonna keep doing it though we will
not stop we will not end and we do this all because
of your support and because of fact you guys are
enjoying it and i
appreciate the fuck out of it
thank you very much
i love you bitches later