chord to server music
that’s not the right song
where the fuck did it go
are we broadcasting
that’s not the song either
wait what was that song called
again it’s called Fish Paste
oh yeah the haters out there
jealous of us because I guess
you pronounce it d and word it’s die ant w o o r d
comes out today
in fact the shit it is the shit
they’re so original man
I love that chicks voice I love
everything about her I love that fucked up haircut
I fuck the shit out of that crazy bitch
dudes are like debating whether or not she’s hot
oh there’s no debate
there’s no debating
she’s weird looking yeah but she’s hot as fuck you
could fuck those little bangs out that crazy bitch
how crazy is that bitch on a 09:59 uh
dude she seems like a 7 7 8 fucking a strong 7 yeah
I bet she’s a lot of fun
she makes up for it since we’re off air dude
you’re off air you’re off air
oh yeah we’re on
takes a while
took a while
for us to show up
so that’s so that album came out
today yeah cool comes out today they’re from
South Africa and I don’t know what the whole
story behind them is
it’s like you hear that it’s manufactured
that they were part of other bands and this
whole like you
know there’s supposed to be like Cape Town
white trash
right but this is sort of manufactured I also
heard that one of their main songs
was actually released
early prematurely like the footage got stolen or
taken from somebody that worked on it and released it
early and that actually
made them become popular really yeah so
well man the first the Zefside one
um do you have that load that up
yeah that’s the
first one that I ever saw
from then it’s so strange you have to see the YouTube
to really get an appreciation for what these
folks look like
because the dude is like really tall and really
skinny and he has
these crazy gold
teeth and these tattoos
that looked like they were just
scribbled onto him
you know I don’t know if they’re real
tattoos are those real
tattoos probably
I mean is that really his real deal yeah
maybe he’s just a thespian I keep here
I heard he was an art
I heard he was like an art
they were art
school dropouts okay like this
might be like alternative art
whatever it
is it’s badass I don’t give a fuck if it’s real he
doesn’t have to be really be dumb and crazy
you know I I Whatever
he’s doing that character is fucking brilliant yeah
you know but do you got it you got
stuff side yeah if your wifi
or see if it loads up
cause it’s um
it’s fascinating
you have to see the YouTube
they’re like all just
standing outside
with his granny
and then I live with
my mom and dad on the road and then your landing lives
this is the
most ghetto way of showing something you guys
been friends for how long all times
you gonna get people motions like this bro
you guys have internet
yeah just get on YouTube and look up
die antwoord
zeph sides yeah
gangsta skin
here’s my favorite part you rap yeah okay so
do me a rap
do me a rap DJ Hawk deck
drop the motherfucking beatbox dog
this was the one that was stolen by the way
talking about check it out
it’s fucking dope
I love it I love his accent I love
I love the whole
thing guys he’s dancing with boxer
shorts in front of her and swinging
his dick and their fixated his dick
it’s fucking great man
yeah it’s interesting it’s new it’s something you know
it’s some real
you know in this
world of packaged
bullshit you know over and over again some of these
fucking bands that they just keep pushing it’s like
what is this fucking bullshit on the highway fuck
speaking of bands oh by the way we’re sponsored by the
we got off to a bad
start here Avatar are
not not yeah it’s alien
fuck a blue
flashlight I remember talking
about this on the podcast like
could this be real
I think it’s
right next to your chair
sure it’s right here
and we were talking
about the podcast
after we saw Avatar because
I told you I totally wanted to fuck that blue chip yeah
she’s badass who doesn’t
right I’m like why don’t they make an Avatar
flashlight well they don’t
they don’t make an Avatar
flashlight this is
definitely not
I mean it is blue and it’s an alien
pussy but those are
coincidental circumstantial
type things Chris actually said that
they released that a couple years ago before Avatar
yeah totally
yeah it’s on the books
well either way it’s awesome
yeah it’s not Avatar it’s alien
you know what it is it’s
gonna be a Smurf
flashlight next year
you don’t feel guilty fucking that too because
it’s not really a vagina
you know what I mean like you look at like the vagina
flashlights like why would this
vagina be in a tube
right well it
doesn’t make any
sense I fucked a regular non
flashlight pussy and it was just an ass
like a piece of ass like
it looked like a
piece of Dexter meat
that you were fucking
and it was not as good no because
that was actually
weird to me no they know what they’re doing man
um so anyway we’re sponsored by them and
what we’re talking
about before we got into that was this
thing on the highway
today in Los Angeles
there was a band and was the band called
Imperial Stars
imperial Stars now I didn’t know
about this I
lucky I missed this
I didn’t leave the
house today but um
what happened
apparently was these guys
got on the highway
and they turned their
their stop their
truck and turned
it sideways so that the created traffic jam
and then they
started singing yeah
the biggest
piece of attention whoring
maybe anyone’s ever done they
stood on the
truck playing
music by the way
like they had like you know
these dumb motherfuckers probably
thought that this was like this is like the opening
scene in our movie man
this is it it’s like
they were so wild
like this is
how they got discovered they got on top of the
truck and they stopped traffic
and the fucking
music was so good
people didn’t care man
you get it yeah and the
crazy thing is is they actually
I listen to the song I don’t know if you’ve
heard it I have not
heard it and if I
wanna hate them I know if it was really good
it would have been like damn there’s no way it
could be really good cause
it was really good they
wouldn’t be willing to do this now it just makes you
have to be a douchebag you have to be a douche bag to
wanna stop traffic and get on the news
and do all this at
other people’s expense
because you want
to be known
for your fucking
music fuck you
especially in this city
where that fucking
is yeah bro what
about people who are on the way to the hospital what
about people who were
on the way to
serious emergencies
what about people that lost
their job because
of you that was the one day they were late
again over the Mark
and they you know
you know maybe they had a fucking
thing if you’re late
again this month you were you’re fired
and they’re
fired because you fuck you dude yeah
even if the song is all
about traffic on the 101
that’s the bad
thing that the song is all about
and what sucks is that
every news place is
going to talk about this
I know there’s so many dumbasses out there that’s
going to like fall for this whole
trick and they’re
gonna become
their Twitter account went up
today how am I
gonna bet that I
maybe I’m sure they did I’d probably follow em
see listen I
would have hoped for they’ll say something really
stupid but I mean
we just have to
discourage that kind of shit you can’t do that man
you can’t you know it’s one
thing if you
wanna do something for publicity
and it doesn’t fuck with everybody else’s life
but when you
wanna do something like that in LA and you
wanna stop traffic just so that you get attention
like this is how we’re
gonna make it man
this is it’s a
brilliant publicity
style like you guys are
idiots I know that’s an
idiot move man it sucks
and look maybe you
bounced back from it and
maybe you fucked up and
maybe you guys were all high on coke and
it seemed like an awesome idea I’m not
saying you’re shitty
human beings you fucked up though you
wanna hear this song
you fucked up huge
let’s hear this fucking song
are we going crazy
I like this all right now actually hold on a second
I forgot I can’t do that on this computer remember
that’s right
can you do it on the iPad yeah hold on a second so uh
talk about some Joe haha
listen man I totally
understand the appeal for all
these reality shows
where all these people become
famous for no reason
and then people go fuck man it’s all just
about getting eyes on you
and then once you get eyes on you you can be a business
and you can even use that for good you can go all Oprah
style and fucking save the
world with all the
money maybe Kim
Kardashian is
going to do that so
maybe all this will become a good thing but
because of that people are trying to
find ways to get attention outside of the normal shit
outside of being recognized for something
recognize for what you do
you know this fucking D ant word is perfect
however you say it die Antwoord
die Antwoord
die Antwoord
that rap band that we’re playing out we don’t
there’s no publicity
stunts there’s nothing
they didn’t fucking
start a fire in a mall
all they did was make badass
music and it got on YouTube
and everybody’s like dude this is the shit
check this out this is fucking cool
it’s real smart they did it the
whole clip is like 2 minutes long
is this the song yeah
dude and it’s really poor
green screen effects
okay so it’s a
this is really low can we turn it up
make it be for another to rolling up down
like I got your number
it’s Imperial rocking the stereo
and you know we shut down the scene
stuck in traffic it’s awesome
so it sounds you know what it
sounds like to me is like a fake
video used inside a movie
you know like Tropic Thunder like dude
look at this new video it’s on it’s
funny you know that’s what it
sounds like to me that’s a perfect way of describing it
dude that is the perfect way to describe
that fake videos
they’re playing musicians right
yeah exactly they do look like he even had a wig on too
boy’s got fabulous hair don’t hate
I think yeah
they sounded like they’re playing musicians I just hope
they’re trying to get famous it wasn’t bad
I mean it was I couldn’t say it was terrible
I just hope there’s no copycatters you know like
Mike Acoustic people you know putting
their bikes in the middle of the highway
mmm fuck people
that guy might have
started something
I know the economy is bad but what the fuck people
yeah you know
damn what if that does happen what if people
start doing that all the time now I
think they’re
gonna make an example out of
these guys they’re probably
gonna charge them a lot of
money yeah well what if it’s nothing
what if it’s like no it’s
gotta be something it’s
gotta be something big because they
block traffic that’s like a felony
I think what they did
for publicity
is I think it’s fairly serious
right I think
I think they
could go to jail
that because it’s
possible they
go to jail for something like yeah like unlawful
restraint you’re
not for sure yeah
but like a kidnapping charge
on danger to you put
human beings in danger you
close off the highways you make
make it tough for people to get around
ambulances you know someone’s dad
could have died because you know there’s a
heart attack and they rush them to
the hospital and they can’t get there in time because
you fucking decided to sing in the road you cunt
right fuck you
you know that’s just dumb
and everybody you know
everybody should
react the same way to them even
if you like them it’s like there was a dumb move man
there’s just something
so not cool something should
start from this like it’s
a new tradition
every time you see
these guys in public you have to
throw a tomato at them
they should charge them
for everybody that was late
think about all the people that were
late thousands and thousands of people that were late
their employers
have to pay the person for the time that they
weren’t even at work
because they were
stuck in a traffic jam because
these assholes
they should like they
should stack all that up they
should like find out okay what do you get you get 50
an hour all
right this guy gets 20
bucks an hour
and this guy okay oh this guy
45 minutes and we’ll calculate it up and
you know and
oh you owe $1,000,000 you fuck
yeah this guy was auditioning for Iron Man 4 he
could have made this much money got
it yeah yeah you get
crazy yeah you
could get crazy
like I had a vision in a dream
I knew it was
going to happen for me
everything in my vision was
absolutely perfect and true except
you decided to sing on the fucking freeway
what would have been
smart if they hired
these guys that
these guys were
homeless guys and they were they made like this fake
video up just to make it
look like they were the ones singing but the real band
hired these people to get in
trouble to go to jail
so they wouldn’t get in
trouble I think and
the problem
with the band like that is that anybody that
would come up with a
stunt like that
it’s not gonna be good
right it’s just not
gonna be good
right cause
they obviously aren’t
famous yet what’s not
even not that you’re not
famous yet obviously
there’s a lot of good bands that aren’t
famous it’s up being
famous in the
music business is a fucking
weird thing
it doesn’t really make sense
it’s not that easy
it’s tricky
you know it’s
like but with the Internet like look at this
D and Word thing yeah you can get
famous you just have to put something together and
their show is
cheap I mean it wasn’t there was nothing no
high tech nothing to it from
South Africa we know
about exactly
man I mean they did they did it right
you know it’s but it’s it’s
tricky like to try to like get record sales and shit
and get in the door and get played on the
radio and everything it’s like man it
it’s a it’s a fucking
funky business
and it got gutted
because of the
MP threes online
yeah like the
music business is in a
state of shambles you know
it’s interesting with something like this
d ant word comes in and
shakes things up
but it’s annoying when you see the
other manifestations of it like
these assholes with
their fucking bus on the highway right
it’s just sad that someone
would decide to do that that you
would be so fucking
selfish and
stupid you would want to
block off a main
route just so that you
could you know
we can make it man
we can fucking make it wow
what are the odds
those guys aren’t
annoying as fuck here’s a
quote the band describes themselves
as rock stars living on the edge they’re
known for getting
crazy and hanging out with
their friends
that’s a real quote
shut the fuck up I
swear to god fucking LA times com I’m reading it
right now shut
the fuck up the band
the band this is a
subtle comedy wait a
minute I’m starting to like them
I’m starting to become a fan
I think I just became a fan
no way I just did a
180 degree turn around
this is a subtle comedy my bad internet
this is a subtle comedy dude no I think
we’re missing out we’re missing out I’m on LA Times com
where’s this fucking quote it’s about 3
sentences band members arrested
after blocking one on one freeway okay
that LA Times blogs and
I want you to read it now
but I want you to read it how they
wrote it too oh my God
where’s where’s yours
is it the same way I emailed it same I
email it to you here you want to look at it
right here yeah okay
the band describes itself as
rock stars and this is in all caps
with an exclamation point
oh living on the edge they’re known for getting
crazy and hanging out with their friends
okay it says they
debuted in 2010 with
a hardcore hip hop
album but wait a
minute are they rock stars
or are they
hardcore hip hop artists they can do anything
that is crazy
is that a new
thing that’s
going on now like hip hop and rock it’s all
together it’s just a setting in garage band nowadays
so they can do anything they want to
right is that what it is yeah
hmm the band described itself I’ll say this
again for those of you who haven’t
crashed your fucking cars
in furious white
knuckled anger at
these cunts
the band described itself as
rock stars living down the edge
you’re known for getting crazy
and hanging out with her friends
that’s a real quality have you seen the
truck to that that was pulled over that was like
it looks like
wayne’s World yeah just
fucking picture them it looks like something from
wayne’s World it looks fake it doesn’t even look real
I hope this is not a movie
it might be they might be brilliant it seems like it is
yeah like I said like I said it seemed like a fake band
inside of a movie what
thing is a fake
I bet it is
I bet it is yeah
there just is no well if they are come on man
then they’re really fucked because
cause if they make a movie and they
close the highway down for a movie
like that yeah no
I don’t believe that
because first of all you would have cameras everywhere
you’d have real cameras you wouldn’t have fucking
little YouTube cameras
they’re gonna do a
stunt like this
they’re gonna have to have like real
permits but look how good that photo is it’s
crazy photos perfect
they turn the car sideways turn sideways it’s perfect
lighting it’s perfect
it even looks like it kind of god damn it if this is a
movie I’m gonna be really mad
I’m already mad
this is double mad
I’m hoping that these guys are like Andy Kaufman
they just he’s brilliant no they’re
informers artists you know you’re not like that
but maybe the
quote is so bad I’ll
say this band describes itself as
rock stars this is all in caps
living on the edge
they’re known for getting
crazy and hanging out with their friends
right that’s what they’re known for
is this guy in my neighborhood
this guy gets fucking crazy
he hangs out with his friends
that’s how he’s
known that way say it
say it like you
lived in Glendale though it totally changes the
whole sentence
you’ll remember rock
stars we’re living on the edge you know they’re getting
we like to get
crazy and hang with a bit of friends
is that an Armenian
guy you’re doing what is that accent
that was Swedish Swedish wow
um listen I
think that these guys
if this is a scam
and if this is just a hustle
then I don’t know
I’m on the fence
I’m on the fence now it’s not like
if they decided to make a bad band on purpose I might
think this is pretty fucking
funny if the song was good that’s what
I was saying you remember when we went to see that band
Steel Panther
yes that was good
music fucking awesome good
music if you
haven’t seen
those guys Steel Panther or this they do this like 80s
thing where they play like
all the like the best 80s rock and
the dude does the most insane
Ozzy Osborne
impression round
and it’s all like hair metal
stuff it’s all like you know
and it’s good man it’s good
music but it’s like this
hilarious good
music parody
on but you love it because you know they’re a fake band
but they’re good
these guys what if they are fake band too
but they didn’t do the good part of the
music so it
doesn’t go together
doesn’t work it has to actually
because because
if I like these
guys and I respect them I actually have to get into
their music
and I’m not what am I
gonna hang out with
these guys and become friends
with them what if it’s just this brilliant performance
piece let’s just make the
worst most cliche
to bland dumb rap
and we’ll do it with like a lot of
confidence and let’s see if we can sell it
what if they just want to make friends
maybe this is just a friend thing like
you won’t like their
music but they
just want to be your friend well they do hang out with
their friends they’re
known for that right
known for getting crazy
and hanging out with
their friends
right so it’s a big friend thing
how many people
right now are
gonna change
their Avatar
their fucking signature on
their Avatar on the wrong
board now to
he’s known for getting
crazy and hanging out with his friends
you fucking dummy
you shut up dummy
god damn it everybody’s dumb
yeah and because of this band Joey Diaz
wasn’t here today
yeah this fucking band these cut holes
when they decide to do that Joey Diaz is
he was filming something today and he wasn’t
gonna be able to make it over in time with traffic
so we flew solo because of you you twats yeah way to go
speaking of dumb
there’s a guy who is running well he is
the Democratic nominee for Senate for I think it’s
South Carolina
and his name is Alvin Green
and this guy
he won okay he won the Democratic nomination
and a lot of people were thinking that he was a plant
they were saying there’s something
going on here because this guy is so bad
like it almost seems like the Republicans
must have paid
to get him in as the Democrat therefore
they would run opposed for the Senate
like there now
this guy who is just like so bad it’s impossible
and he seems like a troll
really seems fake
the guy is a military veteran okay and he
he did no campaign speeches
he had no campaign events and he won what
yeah I mean
he won and a lot of people are saying he won
cause he’s black
because they
saw that he was black
and black people just said well you know hey
he’s a veteran
I’ll vote for him so
people were into
veterans voted for him but
when it comes to the guy talking
dude it’s one of the
weirdest things ever
it’s almost like he’s like
it’s like something’s wrong
it’s not just that he’s dumb
it’s like there’s like a weird
disconnect like he’s retarded what
if it’s something and like you’re not allowed to say
anything on this interview
like the people that pushed him into no no
no there’s no
there’s a sheer pure idiocy
to this guy really that’s
shocking I’m
gonna hear this and
this guy is uh
he goes on this
talk show and they ask him some questions
plug it in I’ll play this because
it’s so trippy
turn your speakers up
it’s so hard to believe that this fucking guy
is so hard to believe that this force got a little
whoa you mute your year stream
okay it’s so hard to believe that this guy
actually running
this guy for anything you have to see this
it’s very trippy here I play it
it’s very trippy yeah I’m doing anything Brown
the primary over a long
time Democratic activist with 59
of the vote even though green
you still have a u stream somewhere open no
it has to be
how’s it why can’t you play it on yours
if you send me that
is that YouTube yeah send me that link oh Brian
thought you’re gonna be able to do it through this
I can’t it’s you have a you
stream playing it that’s why that echoing
sound is going on right now well it’s
this this this is what we’re playing
no no no there’s a
second window somewhere where your you stream is
playing oh it’s probably this
yeah it’s us
this is the fucking saddest
shit ever you people shouldn’t have to listen to this
answer this year
and that is of course
are you a witch
no first I want to remind everyone that
Dement started their recession
there you go you’re on your talking
points not a witch and the mint
started the
men is the guy he’s running
against now you’re
saying to Mint
started the
reception turtle
does that tell us you have to
see what this guy looks like does that tell us anything
about how this race
might end up
dement started the recession
dement is responsible for the
recession and
I’m the best candidate
that defines
where we at
right now in this country
now I know people tell you you know
no matter what the question is just do your talking
points and all that sort of stuff but
seriously Alvin
your nickname turtle um
where did that come from
no no like I
said dement
started the
reception and
I’m the best candidate
that defines
where we at in this country I’m a
United States officers
United States Army veteran
what’s wrong
the concentrations on
those efforts
and an unemployed
military veteran
currently and
and we’re losing this country is losing
100 000 jobs a month and
Dement is responsible
for the recession dement
dement started the recession okay
let’s go to some different positions and see
if the white guys get this with him fake ass
reporter voice
should be allowed to be
school teachers in South Carolina
yes that’s their private life and
as long as their private life
doesn’t interfere with how they do their job
so could you imagine if this guy was your boss that’s
crazy that can’t be real
it’s real as fuck son any
effect on how they do their job so
that’s that’s that’s fine
it’s just did he won
he seriously won
one Democrat
nomination what but that has gotten
us into this recession
so we just have to keep that in mind that Dement
started the recession and
how did Dement personally start the recession
good question good question irresponsible spending
record cuts to education
supporting the Bush Tax plan and
mismanagement of federal resources
look at the wars in the Middle East and I’m just out
the wars are managed
in Iraq and
Afghanistan and
so we just see this irresponsible
spending and this mismanagement of
government resources federal government resources and
just mismanagement of resources
it’s destroyed this country and
you see that he’s responsible for and that’s fact
started the recession
he’s responsible for the recession
and it doesn’t make any
sense sending someone back to Washington
is messing things up
every day wow
well I gotta tell you I don’t
think Jim Dement
personally started the recession but
I do think Alvin Greene
still better
than Jim Dement
Alvin Green
Democratic candidate
sent for Senate for
South Carolina
thanks for joining us he said he
thinks he’s better really he’s
yeah he’s charming Joe
did they ever
do I didn’t know they did that
did dudes do that what
they just say I
think you’re better
I like you better
obviously probably if you hate somebody
like anyone’s better than this guy
so anyone’s better than the
other guy the
other guys that bad I
guess I guess this dementia real asshole wow
dement you you
might have fucked up son
if this guy beats you
this guy just gets all the way through
fuck we don’t know man
so you know that’s what I’ve always said
about Sarah Palin
when you know people talk
about Sarah Palin
stupid like she’s
stupid to you
okay but if you’re
stupider than her you don’t even know she’s
stupid right
and there’s a lot of people that are
stupider than her
most people I think are
stupider than her
it’s like how many people are
stupider than this guy
this is the big question that’s
right because if they are
stupider than this guy they’re
gonna go for him
I like that boy
that boy speak the truth
I won’t go NASCAR
with that boy
yeah it’s like
no those people
guy I meant
what guy I’m in
boy boy yeah but
those people the NASCAR people I
think those are
white people I
think that’s a different thing
is there a lot
of well Daryl
right who’s
black is a NASCAR fan
really yeah yeah
yeah Daryl like
Daryl loves NASCAR that’s
weird yeah you don’t usually see that
South Park had
their last episode was all
about NASCAR
and the stipulation was that like any
to be getting to NASCAR you have to be poor and dumb
that was the
whole episode and cartman’s like I could
never be a NASCAR driver and they’re like you
could do anything
you want to and he goes no I’m not poor and dumb so it
starts taking vagisil
and eating tons of
vagisil because this is
slight memory loss I know
it’s one of the things
she’s just fucking taking she’s trying
to get dumber
oh my God you
gotta check out
southparkstudios com
to try to get dumber yeah
those guys are brilliant
yes South Park
Studios thank God they’re alive
thank God they
exist cause if
they didn’t
exist there’d be nothing like this
this week’s
about Jersey
Shore tomorrow
oh I can’t fucking wait
I watched a
whole episode the
other day yeah
jersey Shore
Stephen never
watched the
whole episode
I watched the
whole episode wow
I was like this is fucking fascinating
this is Wild Kingdom
that’s what this is
this is just like
watching Wild Kingdom I hate that shit
I can’t even
watch more than 5 minutes of that show
it’s fascinating
it’s fascinating can’t help it
it is what is the reason though why do we fucking get
glued to train wrecks
you know like why is like the Flavor Flav
show remember
those girls who are trying to
marry him or Brett
Rogers you know
watching the Poison dude
on the Bus of Love
right what the fuck is it
about those shows
that would just
suck up all your time there’s they just fixate
you just can’t
completely fix it on
these idiots in
their lives the problem knows lots of
those shows even the Bret Michaels one that
been told us
completely fake yes you know
they set it up and there’s
even a channel isn’t Brett
right isn’t Bret
Michael like
married or something he has a
person that lives with him I don’t know if he’s
married or it’s just his long term
girlfriend that lives in the
house that they had the show on so this is
it’s all just
all fake a plot
totally it’s like a
reality sitcom sort of
it’s gotten so
bad that there’s actually a channel now called True TV
which even has the word true in it and all
their fucking shows are fake
like there’s one about
what’s that
where you pawnshop
pawnshop something
the whole fucking show is fake
then there’s one
about guys that take cars when you owe
money on a car
what’s that called
repo Man repo
it’s like a Repo
Man show and
they always get in
fights but if you watch it
every time they get in a
fight not one punch
it’s always pushing
hugging grabbing
throw you know no punches or
every throw
it’s like come on it’s all
total horses
total horses you could
smell the acting with
these guys too when you
watch it it’s just pure acting
so all these reality shows aren’t
really reality shows they’re not anymore man it’s crazy
even there’s you know what it is that is that
production like
people get in and say listen there’s only one way
to make this work okay we can’t just follow you around
while you go to the mall
where you have to make
things happen okay we have to create some
drama do you
understand this there’s an art to this okay sit down
and then they get them into
some fucking conversation this is what we’re gonna do
like I remember Duncan
was involved in the Polyshore one
the one they were doing at my store
mind you saying
like create
things like
this is what you’re
gonna do you’re
gonna go out and you’re
gonna try to get all
these different foods for lunch
and eventually you’re
gonna get Mexican food
everything’s gonna go
wrong then you’re
gonna get Mexican food
I think the simple
thing is that you have to do that because
unless you had something like
where we went to
I used to film you
every single weekend
3 days in a row
tons of hours of video
every couple
months would get like this really cool 10 minutes yeah
exactly you can’t have a
reality show I
just like an hour every week
right yeah you just not
gonna be that you know what happened oh we had a show
was really good then we got some need then we went to
sleep right
because that happens and look
and then we played pool and
Brian got bored and we went to
sleep right
look at The Hills I mean look how
successful The Hills is and that’s
completely scripted
even now there’s
whatever 16 and pregnant and
teen mom and stuff
and I always thought that was real I’m not 100
on this but I
watched it the other day
but I imagine the formula of The Hills in it it’s just
like The fucking Hills with
teen moms and babies
and I almost want to
think that that shit is all
completely fake
here’s my problem with any
teen mom show
is that if you have a show
where you have some girl and she goes on and
you know and she talks
about how you know she
doesn’t want to give up her baby
and she’s like 16 or
17 years old and just
I’m gonna do the best I can and you know together we’re
gonna be fine
and then you have people
going you’re so
strong I’m amazed
you I’m so proud of you
this girl’s on TV
do you know how many girls are
gonna get pregnant
cause they wanna be like that girl
that’s real
that is real totally
I mean this girl
is irresponsible yeah
you know for People
magazine these that
teen mom girl I
think if you you
should have something like
that if you want to do something like that responsibly
you should do
it in like a DVD you want to do like a documentary
on teen moms
where you haven’t you know you see this
is what it’s like it’s very difficult and now you see
but to have it on a TV show
the problem the TV show is then it’s on
all the time they’re on
every week it becomes a part of your
programming right
you know when you find a
show whatever it is Dexter whatever it is you get into
it’s like oh it’s fucking
Monday night it’s time for my show it’s Tuesday
night it’s time for my show
you get excited you get like into a little rhythm
you get into a
rhythm with this
fucking teen pregnancy
thing and you’re 15
and you want to be special and you want to be like
these girls that are getting all this attention
for for being
strong and having
their babies and showing how hard it is and
seeing all the
drama and all
the you know come on man what the fuck is that yeah
it’s fucking
crazy it’s weird if you look at what your own TV shows
cause I’m I’m addicted all the time like I got addicted
to that little
midget show I’m like why the fuck am I care
about a little
midget show
small world or not
small room but uh
the one with
the dad and the wife and they have all the kids
I’ve seen the ads but I’ve
never seen the show big people little
world or something like that
I mean it’s obviously I’m sure it’s a very challenging
thing to be like that
you know have you
heard the show
what is it 19 and
Counting or 21 and
Counting no
this is a show where
this husband and wife have like
19 kids or 21 kids and they all are homeschooled and
stuff like that and
the whole show is
based on it
the title of the show actually goes up
every couple years
cause they have new
babies like they just had a new one so they
changed the
title of the show to like 21 and
counting oh
right okay I know what you’re talking about but
this family is so fucking
crazy I mean they’re positive nice people so I don’t
wanna bash them they’re
super nice yeah yeah yeah
but it’s so
crazy they won’t let
their kids outside wearing shorts
like you can’t
have really religious yeah like you can’t show
parts of your skin and
stuff like that
oh really you sure
about that 100 sure of it
that’s one of
those shows I got addicted
to watching
cause I like the positive vibe of the show so they’re
super Christian
what are they
Norman yeah
super Christians
super Christian
the worst kind they seem really
happy though
you know it’s like I
understand that it’s what they’re doing is
loony but and I
understand that it’s like
a type of programming but even when you get like you
watch like real
super Christian programming in action like
the real shit
they got to go
wow look how positive it is you know they’re happy and
you know I mean
look I mean they’re fucking they’re making babies
all right if
you know there’s a lot of people that
haven’t fucked
their wife 19 times ever
totally this guy’s got 19
babies right you know I mean for real
there’s one way of looking at it like that you
could look at it like
you know religion is just some sort of a way to stay
sane like some
sort of a path that you can follow some people need it
I think some people do
I don’t know man 19 kids is a
famous for that though
yeah you know I mean do they do
drama on their show do they create fake
drama oh yeah
it’s totally fake like it’s not fake to the
point where they’re
talent like acting it’s
like today we’re
gonna go horseback riding you’re like you know
they just create events create reality yeah
well that’s kind of reasonable as long as it’s not
scripted I don’t mind if they give them
things to do
you know but I don’t
wanna watch you just
cause you have a
bunch of kids right
yeah I’m sure it sucks
looks like it’s
crazy like I used to
watch John and Kate plus 8
you know what I
would think
there’s fucking
8 kids that aren’t getting enough attention
right you know that’s what I
would think
I would get sad I was like you know this
should be like
you know Daddy
should be able to
spend some time just with you
you know Mommy
should be able to
spend some time just with you
and when there’s fucking
7 other kids around all the time
screaming and gawking
how often do you ever get to sit on your mom’s lap
what do you get
once every 5 minutes
you know they
switch people
what do they do
you get a 4
minute spot on mom’s lap yeah what do you have to like
reserve like laying on the
couch with your dad like
watching TV
for you know
the iPhone genius store
well genius
counter and you have
to give your name up when you want to get your iPhone
fixed like what I have to make an appointment
can you just fix this
that would suck
it is yeah man it’s
gotta be brutal it’s
gotta be hard for those kids
it’s good I mean
and much harder that they were publicly
humiliated like
they were all together as this family and everybody’s
happy and then all of a sudden
boom there’s
pictures of
Daddy with another girl in
these magazines
and daddy’s gone
right daddy is live mommy
or and boom
now Mommy goes to
California and she’s on some fucking
crazy dancing show
you know and she’s not home for like 2
months you know
why is everyone making fun of my dad’s
clothes fucking
you know they’re just constantly just needy
that’s sad K
8 now that’s another name
is that the new show that’s
changed the name
does he he’s not in it at all anymore no
I think he’s like a bartender at the
applebee’s now they shut him down man
it’s crazy that he was
gonna try to
say that he didn’t want his kids on the show
it’s really
quite tragic
like if you look at that the whole
story of them getting on that show
their marriage
you know the whole deal
it’s really
tragic it’s very
tragic on hit from his
point of view
it would be a fascinating fucking
movie if he got real with everybody
about what it was like
because when
people first saw them on the show like when I saw
the very first episode I only
watched I think the
first one was like a special
and then it was so well received they decided to do a
series um and so they’re
the you know they’re together and you know she’s this
giant stomach and
I mean it’s
crazy it looks
like some sort of an animals inside of her
I mean she had like
6 babies in there it was just
enormous insane
and when they
showed them like taking care of the kids and everybody
she’s like always
bitching at him
like always yapping
at him always John
she’s just conte
she can’t even
help it like with the cameras on it’s just like whoa
and I think that so many fucking
chicks must have seen that guy just seen him on TV
and saw how she’s
treating them
and must have been like you know
I think it’s bullshit the way she
treats you I
think you’re really awesome
I love the way you are with your kids and I
would never
we cheat you that way
well you know
me and my wife it’s not really working out so good
right now and next
thing you know he’s making out with her in 1bar get all
sloppy cigarette face on her
oh the guy just
started balling man he was just like chubby half Asian
goofy looking dude
you know it wasn’t very handsome I
think most of us were
ever too on top
of that well he went straight at Hardy out of the box
once the show became
successful he went
crazy at Hardy
where it was like come on I get it
right I get it the pain you wear clothes
you can wear something else
every now and then dudes
they have Ed
Hardy water
at my side that the
store by my
house and I’m just
thinking like I hoped
Ed Hardy dunked his balls
yeah bottle
I hope he did you fucks
if you go out of your way to buy
Ed Hardy water
I hope you’re getting the the salt from his sack
is dipped into
every fucking bottle can you imagine if you only
drink Ed Hardy
water like you
really were that big of a fan do you remember
what was that other
brand von Dutch
remember von
Dutch and douche
you remember that yeah that was like the Ed
Hardy of the well the Ed
Hardy is the
Ed Hardy of the past
ed hardy’s gone right
pretty much gone yeah they
still have Ed
hardy’s stores
yeah but people aren’t really into it anymore
it’s like von
Dutch it’s like it’s like this
burst that just got in everybody’s face and I’m like
yeah right it’s like everybody gets
excited yeah
it’s a weird
thing about
like really
trendy things like that like the Von
Dutch thing to me was very strange because
people just love this logo that just says von
Dutch and they
would wear it and I
would be like
okay I get it sort of like
what is it does it look cool does it look old timey
like what is it what is it
about that logo that makes you want to advertise
this person’s
clothing company
you’re just wearing a regular
shirt it’s just it’s shirt
it says von
Dutch on it like in
these like big
you know it’s like proclaiming von Dutch
like this is
weird and the hats everybody was wearing these
trucker hats that said on them like
I know I’m missing something here like what do you
why are people
fixating on a logo
I don’t know look at Old Navy remember when Old Navy
first hit the
street and everyone was like Old Navy
and now that’s embarrassing
can you imagine being wearing an Old Navy shirt to
weigh in at the UFC
bad you can’t wear this old Navy really big oh like I
never wore those but yeah I know
what a logo
shirt yeah gap was
like skin because I You know
yeah but that’s cooler than
fall into the gap with me in a logo
that wasn’t
yeah I don’t
think I’d wear a Gap logo either
I mean I only wear logos if it’s like
dudes I know their
shirt companies or something
that include
chicken oh higher
dash primate is open
and then there
yeah I got them they’re in the other room
there and I
should have brought
out for the podcast yeah totally but so that
it’s higher dash primate
is that what it is yeah
higher dash
in the middle dash I believe it’s not one of those
underscore dashes it’s a regular dash yeah higher
dashprimate com
and this is my
clothing company
you know what my favorite one is
what it’s the one with the face
that looks like a
like some crazy
Tron type video game
I don’t know if
you know which one I’m talking about
oh the crazy
monkey yeah it’s hired
primate com
and it’s all like
psychedelic inspired
monkey stuff yeah
it’s called
Head that’s the one I like which is
what fascinates me more than anything
psychedelics and
monkeys I really like the art
yeah it’s the guys who did it
are fucking badass
they did an awesome job they they put together site too
it’s pretty sweet
I wonder who
these people are that are
modeling your
shirts though
freaks freaks are
crazy tattoos that’s what I like
I told him get somebody that looks like someone I
would hang out with
dirty bitch with a
crazy tattoos I bet she’s got some good stories
yeah but people like shit on them like on the
underground like people like
these fucking faggy fucking
tattoos this
chicks got on her
people are so negative man people are negative
I’ve been experiencing much more negativity lately I
think something’s going on
really I think there’s a shift in the axis
I think the Earth is
going through a change Brian
I think that’s what
2012 is all about
it’s all happening right now I’ve been hanging out with
happy people lately and it’s just
happy and life is the best
the people I’ve been hanging around with have been very
happy but I’ve
been noticing a lot more negativity online oh yeah yeah
it’s a lot of
angry cut faces online
totally it’s
unnecessary folks
on those T shirt
Jim this T shirt
out that you made
are they gonna make more or is this is just like
yeah we’re selling them now it’s like a
clothing line cool I’m a businessman now
Brian that’s cool I’m
involved in business business
I’ve already sold hundreds
and I haven’t even advertised
hundreds I tell you
we should bring up
Nick Swartzen
has a show coming out tonight that’s hilarious you
gotta check out
why my friends are in it nick
swartzen’s brilliant
he’s a great guy too and
what’s the show called nick’s Silly what
playtime I Playtime something like that yeah
something playtime
nick Swardson
nick Swardson
I love that dude they have this one skit it’s all
about a cat
that was in a
that’s in a
wheelchair it’s called
trust Fund Kitty
and he just
drive around with like
what’s that guy’s name
that has the
robot voice that
Stephen Hawking
yeah Stephen
Hawking style
where he has like
hello how you doing and
stuff like that and it’s Nick Schwarz into
In the Fucking
Strange yeah
pretend time
is what it’s called next words and pretend time
that sounds like a good idea
yeah for him that’s a fun vehicle
he actually has been busy as fucking
I think you film like 4
movies this year
so bad motherfucker yeah
he’s a bad motherfucker
he’s a good dude too
he’s a great guy to hang out with he’s a lot of fun
so here’s another
thing I want to talk
about there’s this guy got busted in Ohio
and he’s a Tea
Party candidate
and it turns out homeboy likes to
dress up like a Nazi
it’s described as millionaire rich IoT
a Tea Party back candidate
he’s been outed as a warrant actor
and he plays the part of a Nazi
and he’s been doing it for years
and he takes his son
and he and his son dress up like Nazis
listen they call him on it on CNN
and when they call it on they call him on it
he is very nervous it’s very obvious that he’s nervous
and it’s very obvious that he’s trying to like make
paint this in the best light possible
but there’s something wrong with this dude too
okay I’m gonna play this okay
Ohio Republicans
learned something new
about one of their congressional candidates
he has had a habit of dressing up
as a Nazi this is him that old
hobby in the Nazi uniform his
3rd from the left you can
count over with me his name is Rich Ayot
he is running in ohio’s 9th congressional district
and this Nazi
thing not something he mentions
on his website we checked
the Atlantic
Monthly reports that Ayot has done this for years
dressed as a member of the Waffen
SS and take part in Nazi reenactments
republican Rich Ayot good enough to join me
to get the story straight from him here in
Toledo Mr Ayatt
thanks for coming on
let’s get straight out of the
gate here sir
meanwhile the dude looks way Indian dress up
as a not doesn’t
he like a white haired Indian
yeah well you know for years going back to
my college days I got involved in historical reenacting
doing Civil War
and over the years I’ve done
Civil War and
First World War and
Second World War and both sides
Union and Confederate
and been involved
on both sides
in historical
reenactment now the purpose of historical reenactment
is not to glorify war necessarily or the sides
but it’s to educate people to
learn about
what happened
and to keep
those memories
alive so that
we don’t let it happen again
now let me interrupt
if I was interrupting part of the reason
I would tell that dude you got a weak
voice son yeah and seriously
what’s wrong with just
pictures of Hitler
and reading
about Hitler
why do you have to reenact it you know like
it’s not that we’re
gonna forget
I don’t like the way you talk either
you don’t talk
very confidently sir you don’t talk like a man right
talk like a weak
bitch we have
schindler’s List why don’t you just let somebody
watch it if they if they
start forgetting
just put on shinner’s List there you remembered
well I’ve been involved in reenactments I just
picture him with
black socks on and nothing else
are holding his dick in his hands doing something
crazy guys that do reenactments just gay hunters
gay hunters
how’s that work you know like like the
Civil War guys like what do they do like
the gay ones like
do reenactments or
who does these reenactments
it’s not gay people it’s just people are war nuts
what do you
think why do you
think they’re gay because they’re
dressing her
yeah they’re
dressing up in makeup and
stuff like that
hey let’s all
right this time let’s go around this side and
it’s kind of
funny that they do wear the outfits and
everything they get so
silly they bring their
they’re like
like actual like oh
this is a power
bag that they
would have used
he sewed actual
dimensions I sewed it myself
see they’re
sewing shit I made it sure I got it only with natural
leather a lot of times
you want to use chemically
treated leather but that won’t be authentic exactly
they’re wearing wigs
and fucking sewing
and hanging out in the middle of a forest
playing Play
Ri yeah I can
understand being fascinated by history I’ve had a
bunch of friends that were history
majors in college and
they get into like
you know like some people went to
Greek history it’s fascinating history man a lot of
crazy shit went down
you know it’s really interesting
stuff to think that this was like
you know civilization being born
but getting into it I totally
understand getting into the
civil war it’s fucking fascinating
but dressing up and acting it out
what’s that all about
gay hunters
what is that all
about this is what we did
maybe you doing it for your kids
so they could see well
this is what it must have been like back then yeah it’s
called Call of Duty let the kid play Call of Duty
yeah what the fuck and they
people are all falling down holding on their
chest and shit
how nutty is it that America likes to
fight so much
we’ve only been around for like a couple of
hundred years we’ve already fought ourselves
you know that’s how fucked up we are
we have only been around for like
250 years or something not even what was 1776
come on man we’ve been around for that long
and we’ve already fought ourselves
we fought ourselves
that’s funny
we’re constant
we’re still fighting ourselves with shit oh this Tea
Party bullshit I don’t even know
what they want I hate them
because I hear them all the time
and I see them in interviews I don’t even want to know
their position I think you’re all cunts
where did these guys come from I
haven’t heard about the Tea Party since like
like elementary school
I saw people who don’t like
black people that’s really what it is they don’t want a
black guy at office they’re freaking the fuck out
look there’s a
bunch of extenuating
circumstances of why this economy is fucked up and
Obama is neither to blame
nor to you know
he’s not like
he’s a one part of a
giant fucked up
system you know and
yeah he’s not doing a perfect job but who the fuck
would this economy is fucked
there’s a lot of
crazy shit going on
the guy got into office there’s 2 wars
going on I don’t
understand it none of it makes
sense to me
it’s all chaos and you know
people like he’s not qualified he wasn’t even born here
and blah blah blah blah blah they talk all this
crazy shit about it but the bottom line is
nobody can handle this
who the fucking handle this you know you
think someone’s
gonna come in and fix this
and having like this idea that they’re gonna like
take back all
these you know
these these tax cuts and
in and start like
that what do they start
trying to do they try to
like give the middle
class a chance to rebound that’s the idea right
is that the idea I don’t follow this shit we’re
loose in the middle ground
you don’t follow it at all
no of course not
I barely follow
fucking my favorite TV shows
well I know that there’s a lot of issues
about taxes they
definitely feel there’s too much
taxes and they
definitely feel there’s too much spending
and it’s irresponsible and that’s what’s
caused the economy but you know
I don’t know if that’s true
you know I know that
that’s a part of it I know that for sure people being
shitty with
money has been a problem in all governments it’s always
there was always corruption there’s always
money fallen
but that’s not exactly why this economy
is fucked up this economy is fucked up because it was
based on bullshit
this economy is fucked up because there was a gigantic
housing bubble
that didn’t make any
sense it’s fucked
up because we don’t make anything anymore
it’s fucked up because we’re
going to Detroit
we’re going to do
ufc in detroit
do detroit’s like
thirty something
percent unemployment that seems like the scariest
ufc in the whole entire
world detroit’s crazy
when this is what’s
wrong with the economy the united
states you know
putin said this once
before the economy hit the shitter
he said i don’t
understand the united
states economy
it seems all they do is buy and sell each
other’s houses
so you know all
these tea party assholes all this
crazy we’re
gonna do it you know we’re gonna
fucking i mean i’m not even
standing there at
their positions
i don’t even know what the positions are i know that
you know the
whole idea is the same
thing is what happened in the tea party of
way back when
they want to
overthrow the current government they want to put
you know a better government in
place they wanna
whatever the fuck
they want to do what do they want to do i don’t know
why are they so concerned
about well anyway
whatever the fuck they want to do this guy
this guy wants to be a nazi
that’s ridiculous
let’s let’s hear more of them
because i’m not making any sense
if i’m wrong part of the reason you
chose to do this is more of a
teaching moment with your son it wasn’t just
you participating with this group this weaking group
it was also your son is that right
that’s correct we did
civil war together and we also did
world war ii reenact look at these crazy assholes brian
so has your son dressed up as a nazi in addition to you
he’s participated
as well yes
follow up were you wearing
pants big question
let me ask you this how do you then
explain to your son how old was your son when he was
dressing up like this
when he first got involved he was 15
so in his teens and how did you and explaining
why you would want your son
dressing up in nazi uniform and
ss uniform how did you explain
nazism to him
it’s very erotic
he from an early
age has been interested in history and because
i’m very involved
in history and in teaching history
and learning more about history
he had always been
nervous as fuck and on many many occasions we talked
about the horrific things
that happened during world that’s why we dress up like
these horrific people one of the low points
of i think in human history there’s
photos are showing of them all dressed up as nazis
smiling together
with boners
did happen but
if it is very very much we can’t
sweep it on the right if it is a low point
which i think probably many people many people who know
their history would agree with you was there any ever a
point mr ayatt where you said
i think this isn’t such a great thing to do
you know what’s the best
thing this chick is hot as fuck
look at the
chick that’s
asking that question let me back that up a second
she’s like she’s like weatherman in la
once she gets down she can’t
she’s not that hot when you blow the picture up big
on regular use
stream she has
her skin is so compressy
well i think that’s just that
history would agree with you was there any ever a
point mr i at where you said
you know she is hot as fuck
yeah she’s hot as fuck
that was just a bad angle
it was frozen in a bag
i think that
she’s saying maybe this isn’t such a great thing to do
and she’s saying it with this
beautiful face
about the tragedy this is nervous
creepy closet nazi fuck
is education
a lot of times historically that
skirt that dude’s wearing setting up exhibits
and giving the public a chance to come in ask questions
and learn learn history
listen this
certain shit
you’re allowed to get away with in this life
dressing up like a nazi
ain’t one of them
or is kilts
i am tired of seeing
grown men wearing kilts out at
the mall and i’m supposed to just take it as oh it’s a
cultural thing
no you look like you’re fucking wearing a
dress and you
should not be
wearing what do you care if he’s wearing a
kilt i don’t care if guys
wear kilts yeah but when you’re at the mall hanging out
you know i can see
where you’re
like playing a german bar and you’re like you know
singing or something or
but just walking around a mall why
couldn’t you why not because it’s a
dress but so what why can’t a dude wear a
dress no it’s fine
but just letting you know that i’m
douchey is douche
because he’s not wearing the
chosen garments yes
the garments
we all agreed on i don’t i will allow
us kilt you will i will
allow kilt so you and you would go with on them you
would go to a ufc with a guy wearing a kilt
i don’t if you wanted
if doug stanhope wanted to wear a kilt and go to the
ufc i would go with him
for sure and you guys sat next to each
other why not who gives a fuck it’s kilt really
what is it it’s kilt it’s like a dress
would you wear
a kilt what’s the difference between that in
shorts man would you wear a kilt
i would wear a kilt
for what what’d i have
to do with it yeah if a wind blows up then you’ll see
everyone see your
underwear i’ve seen my dick yo
did you wear a
kilt you’re not supposed to wear underwear
no if you’re
gonna be the fucking man
be walking around with a
dress you gotta go you
gotta frame
you gotta be free i just there’s some
things i just
don’t buy that to me is like look at me attention to
me certainly is you know it’s certainly not what i
would choose
you know i would choose to
blend in but
you know i mean
if i had to wear it i’d wear it
would you wear capris
what are capris
capris are where
they go down
right below your knee like
right here like pants
those don’t fit me
dude they don’t make them my size i’m felt like a troll
male capris
they don’t fit
dudes that are
built like me
i’m troll like
very chimpanzee
like i can’t wear
skinny jeans
oh really they don’t fit
i can’t get anything that fit me yeah
you like those huh
skinny jeans now i just
tried to have
jeans that make me look skinny now
are you still rocking weight watches yeah
well yeah yeah
um yeah i’ve been eating
vegan lately yeah yeah well
vegan is how
many cocks you suck today
that was truth nine
i get i’m gonna get so many emails that are
angry at me for two reasons
for one this tea
party thing you don’t even
know the position you have a problem with tea party
of course i do
you guys have glenn beck talking for you
you guys have fucking
sarah palin and glenn beck giving big
speeches and
of course i have a problem with you you
sound like idiots
i don’t know the position
i’m not really that interested
to be honest with you
so people are
gonna be upset at me
about that and the
vegan sucking cock thing
why cause i’m just joking
but people are so goddamn sensitive
you know somebody sent me an
email this dude sent me an
email you know
about how he was
very upset because i
somehow another
equated vegetarianism to
in quotes faggotry
but i don’t really mean that you know when i
say that it’s just i’m saying that you know like you’re
upset enough that you’re gonna
write something down
you’re a vegetarian you’re offended i used to be a fan
and like what are you on team vegetarian
you’re upset
that i’m shitting on vegetables
shit why is that something that’s
crazy like i
would not be pissed if you hated
lasagna and made fun of lasagna but i’m just joking
you know if i say you know you’re
vegetarian that is sheer faggotry
boy you need to get a
steak in you
do you think i really give a fuck what you eat
right you know eat whatever you want man
i’m just joking around
i went on a
vegan kick just because last week the grocery
store i went to they had new york
strips usually for 15
each and i was like
once in a while
treat myself i’ll go get a steak
they had this
crazy sale like 75
off all their
stakes that’s
never good i bought six
stakes i fucking had
six like i had
lunch one day and ate
steak and then
had dinner and then you
ate some nuclear meat boy
i just couldn’t get a
giant sale and murdered animal meat did
you how much they got left over
i don’t know man it was last week but i
ate them all is that what you’re talking
about yeah yeah do you do you
think there
might be something
wrong with it maybe
some reason
there’s no not at all
they just had a
crazy sale on new york strips
so they just had too many of them
but that 15
steak was like 4
so i was like i
spent 20 bucks or 25
bucks or something
ridiculous on steak
where the fuck
would we be without
supermarkets have you ever thought
about how difficult it
would be to go hunt and get your own food totally
be eating so many cats and dogs dude you have to
cats and dogs
would be you’d keep them around like like chickens
you know right
i might have to eat you stay right here
get a lot of meat off of a good dog totally
i was looking
it’s funny you said that
i was looking at my dog’s leg the
other day i was just like petting his stomach and i
started playing with his leg and kind
of like massaging his leg you know just nice dog stuff
and i looked at his leg and i’m like this
looks so much
like a chicken leg you know like if you go to like
then i was like wait a second i’m
thinking like elmer fudd now
you know like
these old cartoons
where they look
at it like an animal and they turn into a turkey
i was doing that with my dog
i was like what the fuck’s
wrong with me
and the turkey always had like the bones
sticking up out of
the legs and there’s
steam coming off
of it right yeah
i guess that’s really
funny is we all grew up with
those hyper
violent cartoons right but
today that you you can’t
make a cartoon like that now they’re so pussy down
the shit that we used to watch like
like donald
wouldn’t know who is it daffy duck
who used to get shot in the face all the time
donald no daffy daffy duck
daffy duck used to get shot in the face all the time
and his fucking
yeah his beak
would be around the back of his head
and he would have to turn it towards the
front and it
would be funny
it would be
funny when you were a little kid i love
those shows
the fucking road runner
and wiley coyote wiley
coyote was always getting fucked up dude
he would always
try to blow up bridges and shit he was a terrorist
that fucking coyote was a terrorist
all to get this one bird
he was dropping anvils but it
would always fuck up and
crush him always
and pepe pelopi
always got laid
even though he
smelled that’s true pepe
was always hitting it
totally he was always
sexual deviant
yeah he was he was like a fucking pervert
he was a little date raper fucking french he was
right he was like get all up in them and
climb all along
yeah imagine
if that was your fucking your cat you know and this
skunk trying to
fuck your cat that’s fucked up well back off dude yeah
wrong but you can’t have a cartoon like that
today any of
those cartoons you can’t have
bucks bunny
we have toned
back on what we
allow kids to
watch and see
but does anybody really believe that
watching daffy duck getting shot in the face
is gonna make people want
well mike obviously they have
cause they’ve edited and censored
a lot of those
looney tunes
that doesn’t mean it makes people do
things do you
think anybody’s ever done
violence cause they
watch daffy duck
that’s what i’m saying well i
think that you know they edited out cigars and
cigarettes out of the old bugs
bunny cartoons and i
could kind of see that because that’s how i
learned what a
cigarette was back in the dayz
you learned from bugs
bunny probably that’s probably my
first introduction to
cigarettes would
you imagine yeah i
watched bugs
bunny like non stop
for when i was a kid
i didn’t know bugs
bunny smoked a lot of
cigarettes they always had
cigarettes and gags
really yeah
like there was
i don’t know exactly
which episodes and
stuff like that but there’s been
tons of cigarettes and bugs bunnies
and even like that
one dog the bulldog used to always have a cigar and
stuff like that
you know why is it that
those cartoons are not offensive even if you
watch them now
like if you
watch donald like
if you’re watching a
looney tunes cartoon it’s kind of fun to watch
yeah they’re
still kind of fun to
watch right
you know but like
i guess it’s
cause it’s animals
you know it’s not people for the
well elmer fudd but
the worst he got was
blackface after getting shot
no what i’m saying is why are they
still entertaining
you know do you
think the cartoons of
today means anybody
could be watching dora the explorer when they grow up
i don’t know i
think it’s just because we grew up with it
you know i don’t
think our kids are
gonna be as big as
bugs bunny fans you know are they allowed to show like
all those violent
ones like the anvils falling on people’s heads yeah
do they show all that show that it’s mostly like the
cigars that they’re
cigarettes they’re taking out so
when can you
watch looney tunes
like is it on
cable or something
a cartoon network during the days really
stuff like that and so they’ll
play all the violent ones gunshots all that crazy
shit yeah but they’ve censored it so much that they
definitely have a pile that they choose from
and a pile that they don’t really show too much anymore
you ever see the commercials
where fred flintstone and
barney rubble are sitting around smoking winston yeah
totally there’s a lot of
those commercials there’s a lot of them there’s
a winston what was
this yeah it was winston’s
it was like
maybe six episodes they did
where they used to
do commercials like hey barney is that a winston
ultra light
so strange did you
know they had to take out i don’t know if it’s just in
california or no
i think maybe not but they took
lights out of
cigarettes so now there’s no more marlboro lights
no more camel
lights because they’re not allowed to call it
lights anymore
yeah the light
thing was ridiculous
yeah fucking
cigarette so now it’s like
marble silver or something
stupid like really yeah
so what was the difference in
light is it
light tar is it less strong no
it was actually just
more holes perforation into the filter so what they are
saying that you’re sucking more air in and it kind of
diluted it but the
problem is the sums everyone
smokes different so if i if i uh
wigger lipped it
you know like i’m a
white guy if i weird
lipped it and
covered up all the holes
then the light part
doesn’t work you know so it’s the same tobacco same
exact cigarette
with just more perforation in the filter
wait a minute
really yeah that’s hilarious
yeah how many people
buy it like because they just feel like it’s not so bad
well yeah it’s
must people it’s like diet coke yeah i do it
so there’s no difference the amount of nicotine oh
no between the
light and the regular cigarettes
yeah mostly not supposedly tobacco’s tobacco’s
i’m not 100 sure but i know that’s what made it a
light cigarette was the holes
the perforation
the scariest
thing to me
about cigarettes is the 599 different
things that they’ve
added to the tobacco yeah
the cigarette company natural
spirits is the one that
brought that advertising campaign to it
where they just have this list of
every single
extra chemical inside a
cigarette and they’re like we only have tobacco
period you know they don’t use
chemicals to grow
their tobacco they do it like is that what you smoke
that’s what it used to
smoke when you
would say like
i’m quitting
cigarettes you know i’m gonna
smoke natural
spirits and stigs
you do smoke less
cause they’re so
strong yeah
but the problem i had with it was that
after smoking
those i felt like i was just coughing up
black shit like it was bad
it was just like the 599 chemicals keep you
alive yeah they diluted
what if that’s
you know listen if you were
smart and you were owning
a cigarette company you
would want to create
cigarettes to keep
these fucks
alive right
you know some
give them some shit that they need they’re
addicted to we got two problems we want to keep them
alive but we want them addicted as fuck what can we do
this is what we got i got this
thing right here this is
gonna preserve them this additive
is gonna kill the cancer this additive is
gonna rebuild the
tissue surrounding it okay i like it i like it
and this add
is gonna make it
stronger it’s
gonna make it
a bigger nicotine rush and
more addictive
bigger dick filters
bigger dick filters
if you just called it bigger dick filters
like those extends
tablets that they sell
you know those
tablets are
you know they have them at the gas station over here
you go to get gas and right in
front of you is just like do you want your dick bigger
that’s what it is i can fucking
they don’t do anything
it doesn’t do anything it’s like tribulous and a
bunch of other
stupid shit
but it doesn’t make your dick bigger
there’s not a goddamn pill that makes your dick bigger
makes your eyes smaller
brian oh brian
so california
the deadline is the 18th which is what is
today so six days from today the deadline
is next monday
for registering to vote
in california is gonna be they’re gonna
the number one thing for you know
a lot of people is the
legalization of marijuana yeah and you
could actually registered online to vote for it
let me see if i can find the website
so you don’t even have to leave your
house if you
need to register well there’s that and there’s this
crazy meg whitman and
what’s his name brown
yeah his name
brown ebay versus
what is his name
jerry brown yeah
you don’t even
you don’t even pretend to give a fuck about
politics now
which is hilarious
yeah you can feel like an adult do you
do you ever feel like an adult no
no i like being as young as possible
but what happens when you’re fifty
that’s great and
still took like that that’s very awesome
yeah jerry brown was running for president back
back in way in the in the diss a
back when i was a young lad
hmm and now and he was at one
point time i believe he was governor of california
hmm and now he is
trying to be governor again but he’s a interesting dude
he’s a fucking strange guy
so the website to go to is
sos dot gov backslash
stop that no one’s gonna remember that shit you asshole
people trying to scrambling to
write that shit down just google it
what are we googling
to register to vote online for prop nineteen
yeah just figure it out man you can figure it out but
but do it by
monday if you’re in california
because you have to vote
you got to do two things one
you got to vote for jerry brown
because you don’t want this crazy meg whitman broad
being the governor of california although
mean some salty language in the race from
california governor
it’s difficult to hear but
it’s a voicemail recording that this is what’s really
funny jerry
brown meg whitman
was called a whore
and jerry brown
phone message
a flattering word to describe republican meg whitman
we’re gonna have it
wow an insult to the women of
california an insult to the women of
california no it’s an insult to you you fucking whore
how ridiculous
an insult to the women of california
i called her a whore it’s ridiculous
how could she
stand up for all the
women in california because that’s what kind of
power she has i can’t vote for you just
based on that
alone on that alone i can see that you’re crazy
that is not an insult to the
women of california you’re silly
that someone called you a whore
because they think you
have very whore like instincts
this jerry brown character i’m pretty sure he
smokes weed
yeah i’m looking at him i think he smokes weed
i’m not sure it’s just guesswork
it’s california so that’s the only thing i
should listen
to vote on for
whatever the fuck you want but i’m voting for
jerry brown
and i’m voting
yes on the weed thing
are you really gonna nineteen fuck yeah
voting on this even i think
yes of course i have
i think state voting is probably pretty real
you know i think when you
start vote you know voting for president and
that’s when the mad
crazy corruption is in place
you know but i think
you could really get things changed in
states i mean even bad things like the gay marriage
thing you know they really did get it
so that gay people couldn’t get
married anymore they really they
did it they organized they put it together and they
fixed it they
changed it in
their opinion
you know you can get
things done like
legal basically in
california already
right matt just decriminalized it the
other day that’s awesome
decriminalize it and because it’s on the road
to being legal it
should have been
legal a long time ago we don’t have to get over this
story again
go over the story
it’s a ridiculous law
it doesn’t make any sense and anybody’s
fighting against it like meg whitman
this meg whitman broad thinks they should shut down all
these medical marijuana dispensaries god
exactly so i got a vote for you
against you
on that too you crazy
bitch one of
those girls like who brought that chick to the party
well she’s really
rich too she had something to do with ebay right yes
she’s so she got that
paper and she just want to be running shit she got that
paper and she’s like i’m
gonna fix the
world for my
babies just
gonna go out there just
gonna we don’t need medical marijuana we need hugs in
jesus yeah how much
money do you have i have a billion dollars
the most important
thing though is if
california passes this medical marijuana
law excuse me the
legalization of marijuana
if they pass it what’s
gonna happen is you’re gonna be able to get pot
everywhere in california
it’s gonna be something
where you can get it responsible
adults over 21 just like drinking
just like it should be anything else
you know once you become an
adult you can take responsibility for your own
self we hope
that you were raised enough so that you can
you know well enough rather so you can
understand what happens when you have too many beers or
too much to
drink and you know we hope you fucking
conduct yourself in
a gentlemanly fashion
keep your shit together you
should be able to do that with pot too
yeah there’s
gonna be problems there’s
gonna be problems with
everything there’s problems with starbucks
i drive by starbucks i go damn i go for a coffee
right now i don’t even want a coffee
i’m not tired
there’s nothing
wrong with me
but that shit’s addictive it is it’s delicious
that burnt deep
like hot liquid and you pour the
cream in it and
you know what
tate said best
tate fletcher yeah
he goes when i get a coffee it’s like a hug
and now he’s like it’s a hug in a cup
he used to drink fucking four
ventis a day
dude tate did not fuck around
well he did
some serious
training too
you know that’s
one of the reasons why his body was able to take that
giant jolt of
caffeine every day he went
who’s in such awesome shape
what is this shit that gene simmons at wants to sue all
mp three downloaders yeah gene simmons is apparently
saying that all people
that steal music online he wants to sue them all and go
after them all
doesn’t his son go hey dad dad dad come here
his son seems pretty i
don’t think
his son has the the ability to talk to him i mean i
wouldn’t let my son tell me what i can
and can’t say if i made a billion dollar empire out of
music i would say i know what the fuck i’m doing dude i
guess just relax
this is part of my character
part of my character is that i’m a businessman asshole
and then i go
after people
you know i’m saying
i mean he’s always been like that i mean gene simmons
they’ve been selling
kiss merchandise from the get go
back when no bands were doing it they had kiss army
and you get into the
kiss army and you fucking i was in the kiss army dude
i had a kiss army
t shirt and shit and you got a
sticker and a
patch and shit
you become part of the kiss army
you know he’s just been
one of those guys it’s always been very business minded
which is kind of rare for artists right
so i understand
where all these guys are coming from understood
where the metallica
dude lars earl rich
i understood
where he was coming from
he’s saying people are
stealing people are
stealing people are
stealing yes
but here’s the problem
yeah it is technically they
shouldn’t be able to do it but they can so they will
and it’s that simple
they can so they will
and it’s your job all you can do
is put out great
music and if you cannot be legally protected like
in the sense of the internet i don’t
think you can
they’re gonna go
after a few people here and there and they’re
gonna sue them but people are always
gonna download your shit just
form a relationship between the artists and the fans
form a relationship
where these people
appreciate you
and if they
enjoy your shit
they’ll go and buy it
but go and buy
it once they download i have a lot of friends
who will download either a
movie or songs
and always not just buy the
cd on itunes
but tell everybody they bought the cd because
they’ll say
i downloaded
it dude it was so good i went out and i bought it on
itunes i’m telling everybody go buy this it’s the shit
it’s like you get more fans
it’s just gonna expose more people to your shit
yeah it’s gonna fuck up record
stores but they’re already dead
tower records is dead
there’s a place
right down here i used to
drive and i used to go there’s a cd
store that shit is
gonna be like
we’re talking
about buffalo
skinning factories you know what i’m saying
that’s gone
there’s no cd stores
you used to be able to go like there was a
giant store
you would walk through the rock section
oh look at this they got judas priest
greatest heads
you know and you
would go through this
store that had all
these physical cds anymore
that’s dinosaur shit
yeah the only
thing that i
think there’s
money for is
ucd stores you know
cause i still go into ucd
stores i’ll buy like 10 dollars worth of
ucds listen man it killed it yeah
the downloading on the internet killed
those cd stores
guess what they were
gonna die anyway they were
gonna die anyway because the internet they have to die
they’re silly
when i can have
everything in your fucking
store on my phone
okay you have a
store you have a
giant store
everything in your
store is on my phone
you need to quit what you’re doing
cause you’re doing something stupid
right that’s a dumb way to do it you have a
giant store
where it’s all fucking
in boxes and
these little plastic
crates and like this a
waste this is all wasteful stuff
it’s must go to the clouds yes
it’s crazy like
a lot of things are
going fucking digital like
google tv of
course you know and people are like you know
like that’s the argument that
you know in genes he
said this too that it
crushed the
music business
because they were asleep at the wheel
and then the
digit i don’t think it
crushed them because they were
sleep with the wheel it
crushed them because they were irrelevant
they didn’t need to sell it like that anymore it was
too readily available
too easy to access too easy to get
so now it becomes more artist based
it becomes more
about seeing live performances
and supporting the artist by buying
and shit like that it becomes more of like that
and making it a
legal avenue that’s very convenient like the itunes
store i buy all my shit on the itunes
store because it’s super easy
it’s very rare
i ever have to look anywhere else to find some songs
the best is when you’re driving down the
street you just open up itunes
while you’re driving
search and do that you file
you could totally do it
and then you
just find the song you want and download it
while you’re
driving and it automatically play it within 30 seconds
yeah it’s pretty fascinating it’s pretty fascinating
that this is all happened inside our lifetime
yeah you know so
the itunes the
way they got it i like it because it’s nice and easy
and you know you don’t have to go searching
you know i’m like it’s
right there what i want
james brown
bam or what i don’t even know he’s on there
i’m sure he is
right probably
anyway the point is that
as long as it’s
if people can they’ll always support the artist man you
gotta you gotta
appreciate that the only
reason why you’re able to do all this is because people
enjoy what you do
and yeah there’s
gonna be some people that get your shit
but that’s just because that’s what
technology is all
about today
it’s all about easy access to information and
music is basically just information just ones and zeros
you can’t stop that shit
but you can damage the way people
like look at you and like you don’t appreciate
you know the fact that sometimes people don’t have
money you don’t
appreciate the fact that you know there’s
gonna be people that need
know to support
their families they need to like
spend money on important shit
and they really don’t they can’t really
make room for another 12
bucks for your fucking cd
you know so they just download it for free but they
still love you
and then like a year
later they come see you in concert like it all balances
out i think i
think so too
i mean i don’t know i’m not a fucking
tower records
executive because if you were a
tower records
executive or warner brothers or any of
these big labels that got fucking crushed
by all this
mp3 business
i mean what do they do now
how are they even making money
you know mostly itunes mostly that kind of shit
selling it to tv shows and
movies and commercials and
you know i think instead of selling it
to a record you’re now selling it to all
these other things
that’s why i don’t
understand how much
money cds and records used to make
because back then they
weren’t selling it at you
know like fucking you know you can
watch all in the family and then have you know
the black eyed peas playing in the
background you know so
things like that you know
itunes and it seems like they’re
everywhere there
so you think
licensing is
where they’re making
their money
that’s has to be
where they’re making their
money you know
i mean they’re
licensing fucking ringtones
their licing
singing music and
video games and
movies and fucking commercials
it just seems like
all that shit didn’t
exist back in the 70s when
when supposedly that
that right but
back then there was zero piracy
back when there was
vinyl albums
that’s what you get
you got a vinyl
album if i have
you know you
could there’s no piracy
fighting to do
1980 there was why i’m not sure actually
would even then
what do you mean
1980 there was
one second that
when fucking
cassette tape came out when i’m sure but it was
never as good didn’t
sound as good
will cassette it made
a pretty good copy of you got a good maxwell in there
really yeah set the
second cassette
the cassette was good yeah did you do that all the time
and the cassettes
that they sound really good like good quality
stereo i think pretty much as good as the
copied as good
as it was if you bought a quality cassette
did a cassette ever
sound as good as a cd or cds better oh cds way better
way better really a
sound quality
yeah yeah yeah
so there was
album was number one and cassette
was number two
but cd is not as good as
album right
so the people
say yeah there’s like an analog quality to
music yeah i
guess there’s like whatever deeper
sounds that but you also don’t have
like every 30
seconds you know yeah but
sometimes i like that man yeah oh yeah totally
sometimes i like that
you know like the hisses and pops and shit
right you know there’s something cool
about old music if you listen through headphones oh
absolutely i don’t have
the patience to be sitting there with headphones on
while a record spins around with
a needle on it i don’t have that kind of patience yeah
you know i’m not that into
music fucking changing
those needles was a pain in the ass to remember
that shit you had to buy a new needle barely man
i barely remember it
but i do remember being a kid being
absolutely fucking fascinating
that they were able to somehow
get all this
music into this
i thought it was like
magic to me you
know lines yeah
my parents left one day they left me
alone and i had a
stack of their records
my parents just
leave me alone i’m like
eight and they
would go places
that’s cool
no it’s not cool
i could have been
sticking knives into
electrical sockets and shit
but i was fucking around with
their record player and
i remember just being
absolutely fascinating
i was doing a
bunch of shit i shouldn’t have been doing like
going backwards with it
fucking with the needle i’m sure
but i was just
thinking how
insane it is that somehow i another this needle
interacts with this surface and it
brings this incredibly rich
music out of this
black plastic thing
like how did that come
about that is some
alien shit right there
right that is nuts
that somehow another they figured this out a long
time ago like in the 1940s like when did they have cd
or records final record
time ago yeah used to be on the wet
metal plates or something like that
the old days
what was it
ever on wax
or what does that mean by put it down on wax
doesn’t that mean like the yeah well i
think the records consider well
yeah i don’t know how the fuck they did it but
it’s pretty amazing
you know it’s almost more amazing to me than than
what we can do today because we do so much
other cool shit today
you know there’s so many
things you could do today like you know cell
phone messaging and you know fic
watching youtube videos on your phone
there’s all sorts of fascinating
shit you could do today
so the idea of storing
music on some
piece of plastic doesn’t seem insane at all
but goddamn
back in the forties i must have been the craziest
thing ever like there was nothing like that
like there’s a ghost
inside this disc
and you just rub a
pointed piece of
metal on it it lifts up and comes through the speakers
it’s incredible
you know like
whole lot of love
and just a needle scratching on a
piece of plastic and the
small ones had to be played at a different
speed for some reason
which made no
sense to me how different
would life be if we didn’t have that
how different
would life be if there was no
music if they
never figured out a way to record music
which if you and i were
alive back then they
never would have figured out a way to record music
right you’d just have that
one friend that was really good at singing that you
would invite to at parties
if you like really for real it feels like
you and i were responsible for
coming up with a way to record
music it would
never happen
it would never take
place never
there has to be like a gigantic
evolution of people who are science minded
and understand
technology and recording sounds and
they have to
put it together and just figure out a way to
get it onto this
piece of plastic and make it
sound realistic
and they did all this shit before there were internets
before there was the internet before there was
like cell phones before anything
the computers were gigantic
computers that
would fill up entire rooms
that was the computer that they had in the 50s what
they have yeah it was just like
buildings was a computer yeah
and it’s nothing compared to your iphone
doesn’t have nearly the processing
power that your iphone has
and back then
they figured out how to put
music down on
these plastic discs
craziness if they’d ever figured it out man
life would be so strange
we would always have
music but if you had no
music in your car you what
no music in
movies you just
have to have a friend come with you in the car
yeah what if there was no way to record
music there’s no way to actually record sounds
what if what if king kong fought godzilla
and they were both in outer space and neither one had a
speed advantage because they were weightless
we might have
smoked too much pot before we did this podcast
that’s gonna be my new song
i’m gonna play that back and we’re
gonna take that as a
chunk that’ll be a little blip that we gonna use
whenever we get on one of those
little strange conversations that
doesn’t seem like it’s
going anywhere
just play that
we might have smoked too much pot
before we did this podcast
definitely smoke too much pot today
yes you have brian
that’s why i’m out here
trying to explain to you
about meg whitman
so i’ve been doing a lot of
stand up lately
and i know you have been one of the hardest
things i’ve keep on for
catching myself doing is doing cheesy one
liners that
sound like jay leno
the next day like you know the next day i’ll read
him like it’s so jay leno
really like what
like hey my name is
brian and i do
stand up comedy when
i’m single so
ladies if you don’t like my comedy
date me the
ten times hey
now now how much of what are you willing to explain um
that you’re getting out of a relationship and that like
doing comedy is a new way to
spend your social time
oh it’s awesome
like at first
you know getting
in a relationship you have nothing to do you’re
lonely you were like devastated
without going into details
for folks who don’t know my
buddy brian okay
it was crazy
hot and heavy
and then gone right
in a whirlwind fashion yeah it was
literally a head fuck
definitely well
i mean it was a head fuck to the
point that your list like i give up this is
ridiculous and then it got to the
point where
i was just at home all the time and then i was like all
right i have to get out of this fucking
house so i started
going on like binger drinking
you know for like a week
and i was like
that’s binger bingers binger
drinking whatever that means
that sounds like
binge drinking yeah
so you went on benders benders you got fucked up son
every day and then
every day you getting drunk
no for like five days i did it straight oh
god i just went off
because i didn’t have anything to do
so then i was like all
right this can’t
continue because that’s that’ll
kill you fucking
gross and so i
started doing
stand up comedy and then immediately you get put in the
stand up comedy
world and you realize
all right there’s a
bunch of people
that are on the same team as you all at the same
level as you and
everywhere you go they’re at the same mics as you and
stuff immediately you just
become like
groups with
these people it’s pretty awesome so you just found
about your friends
found a bunch of friends so
um it’s so it
started out as like a social
thing like yeah go out and do something
about fucking let out my anger on
stage and meet some
people it’s pretty cool are you telling jokes about her
i have one joke
it’s not even finished yet it was just that
yeah my girl my ex
girlfriend has a fake vagina
and it’s crazy because on the box this is
you know ultra realistic
which is bullshit
because fake
vaginas don’t have mom issues or hiv scares
brian’s just
starting out folks
you know it’s like comedy
is not for everybody
as i say it turns into a
job it turns into jalen well listen you got to
learn how to be yourself up there that’s
the hardest part
the hardest part of comedy is learning how to relax and
you get these
crazy spots where it’s
like it’s much more difficult because you get like five
minute spots or ten
minute spots like
right yeah it’s like ready go
like you don’t know you have all
these ideas that you
maybe want to talk
about maybe i
should do this bit no i’m
gonna try this one
none of them are totally proven to you
it’s very tricky you know
i did molly the
other day and i
think it really opened up like this
whole thing on stage
for me though because i was having a hard time being on
stage being myself like how
i just did that joke it’s not how i say that you did
molly is that what you said yeah molly
what is molly
pure ecstasy
oh well we didn’t
expect us to know that you fucking
junky you don’t know listen to
this shit he just goes
so i did molly
they all like casual and shit
and i was like
do i need to stop this
and find out what
molly is i’m like yes i do he’s not
gonna explain it
what the fuck is
molly i thought i told you that
well even if you did tell me
we’re doing a podcast right now
fella and there’s a lot of people listening so molly
molly is pure
ecstasy it’s called like mdmt
this is the
stuff you got from that russian scientist the
russian scientist chick
yeah with the red hair with really long legs hot shot
don’t get the details man
give her up
don’t give her up
you want to molly okay
so the russian scientist gives you this
stuff called molly yeah
and i’m like well what is it
ecstasy and she goes well no it’s just pure
pure ecstasy it has no idea
their chemicals it’s just so you said is it ecstasy
she said no it’s pure
ecstasy well
meaning it’s not like the typical
ecstasy you buy it like a club or you you
know get off a gentleman and behind
7 11 so that
stuff’s like got
like meth in it yeah it has like
straight nine
usually and
crazy shit in it
i mean it’s bad for you
supposedly this is actually good for you not really but
what it does though is
it comes in a
capsule form
and there’s like a powder in it by the way we
don’t do this shit
don’t listen to him
yeah so the russian
chick was like hey
you know you want
to do it and i’m like you know i’m kind of scared you
know i’ll just take a little so she just took open the
capsule and put a little in my
drink and i
drank it and then
within like
30 minutes it felt like
every single pore of my body was vibrating
it felt like when you’re half asleep
you know when you’re in that first rem
sleep or whatever it is
your mind’s
awake but your body’s not
that’s what it felt like
but i was being able to walk i was being able to talk
and it wasn’t like the ecstasy
where you’re just like
you know kind of out of it
this was just like pure
fucking orgasms it was amazing
so anyways after that
a couple days
after i went back on stage
and i felt this
weird groove
and on stage of that i was just like hey
like really
relaxed like i was kind of like
still kind of feeling kind of like a
looseness or
a comfortability
and it was weird because ever
since then totally
changed how i so something comfortable
from the ecstasy
experience that it was so loving and
right loose and fun
right maybe
more loving and
loose i guess
for some reason on stage
well relaxed
you it puts you all in perspective too it makes you
understand what
ecstasy did for me i only did it once and
i don’t know what was in
it because i was jacked the next day dude i was jacked
the next day i felt really bad
like i felt really dumb
see i didn’t have that
that’s one of the good
things about it
cause it’s pure you don’t have the next day shit
i woke up fine as fuck
and i went to bed easy as hell
yeah i don’t know what was in the
thing i mean i know there was
definitely some
ecstasy in it but when i got out of it when
the experience was happening
was that so much of the way we interact with each
other is based on insecurity
and when no one has insecurities
you know and everyone’s just hanging out
like it’s like
people can be so much more friendly to each
other so much more loving to each
other and so much more
i mean it sounds so hippie
faggy bullshit but
you know i was like wow like
could you imagine if this state
could be recreated all the time i was like look at
look at the way we’re interacting like now like
this is really
the best way you
could ever enjoy a
bunch of people’s company
but if we were like this all the time nothing
would get done
you would have no reason
you just need enough food to stay alive
and we’d be living like indians
out there in
tents and shit i
could see myself
getting addicted to that drug and that was the
first time where
i mean i don’t know if i
could do it
every day but it felt so good that i wanted to do it
again where most drugs i’m like
that was good you
know yeah it
feels like you want to hold people’s hands and shit so
like you don’t even know why give people a hug
it just like radiates
it’s very strange
you know why does that
exist in our
brains you know i mean
basically what we’re doing is
we’re hijacking our reward
system right
and we’re injecting
all these new
chemical rewards into our
whole system that
our brain has to process it
and it’s not making any of its own
while this is processing it and then
after it’s over that’s why you have like this drop off
you know and
the next day they tell you you’re supposed to take
things to try to re
stimulate your
brain’s production of chemicals
dopamine or
serotonin whatever the fuck it is
you experience a drop off
after the big flood
and the drop off for me the next day whatever it
was whether it was because of the crystal meth in it or
who the fuck knows what was really in it backed
our hairline
but the drop off was too much for me man it
was just it was too
crazy i was
too dumb the next day i was like this is like
brain damage dumb like imagine if
i had to go through the rest of my life being this dumb
right this is like a lot of people
do you know a lot of people go through the rest of
their life you know just
they’re just not there anymore
that’s fucked up you
know yeah you
get hit in the head with a fucking fastball
things happen
all sudden you’re not the same
right you could have been smoking meth the
whole time well
you know i knew the dudes who had it had this
stuff and they’d done it a
bunch of times and so i knew it
wasn’t gonna kill me
but i didn’t really know it’s all i
busted out a fucking phd
kid and start
testing it with saliva
let’s see what we got here do you
think you ever do that
again or any kind of
mushroom i didn’t yes
definitely you
definitely yeah
i’ve done them certain recently
but um yeah but the the
mdma is too much oh
i don’t know then the next day is too hard
i’m so freaked out
about mushrooms now
and like i’m more
freaked out
mushrooms than
that just from like molds and
stuff because it’s illegal man that’s all it is
it if it was legal it
would be so easy to control and grow
it would be so fucking easy
and all they have to do is
you have all
these pain management centers that
you have set up all throughout florida that they have
these oxycontin
problems you
know i mean we have chiropractors everywhere
we have all sorts of people that deal
with all sorts of different various health issues and
even in the chiropractic
sense a lot of people
think that’s
quackery a lot of people don’t even believe
it yeah they do they don’t even believe it you
never heard that word never
it’s a really common word
they don’t even believe in chiropractic
well another
thing that is
different cultures have used to try to heal people
try to get people straight for
thousands of years is psychedelics
you can’t say that all these
cultures that have used this thing like oh they
used you know
acupressure or
these acupuncture or they used
various tantric methods okay you can practice all of
these oh these are all ancient
things that people find relief from stress in
i see i see i see
well we also use these mushrooms
nope nope nope nope nope
well no they’re okay we’ve been
using it for 10 000 years no no no no no no no
no don’t break them in
it means like they’ll stop
at a certain thing
you know they’ll go through all these other different
things that
you’re allowed to do that ancient people have done
and you can practice all
these shamanic rituals as long as you’re just
blowing tobacco
smoke in the air and
chanting like a retard without the ayahuasca
when you add the
ayahuasca then
things get strange then they want to lock you in a cage
for doing something that people have
found relief with for thousands of years
if mushrooms were
legal they would sell them all over the place
and people in the community
would set up shamanic
centers they
would set up centers where
people who have already had these
experiences can talk you through it and help you out
and even go with you on the
first time you do it yeah
so you’ll take like
you know to
start you off slow we’re
going to take one
gram today and this is what a one gram
experience is like and
there’s a guy
who’s done it for fucking a thousand times
and he knows what he’s doing and he’ll
make sure they’re
not creepy and they’re not trying to date rape anybody
and you just set up
these centers
because that does happen even in the shamanic community
there’s a lot of dudes who are just in it for posing
you know they want to be thought
of as like the main wise man and they try to bang all
these chicks it’s really
trippy it’s kind of funny
because even inside this
whole psychedelic community there’s a
bunch of people that are
still kind of like
lost halfway pretending you know
they’re halfway that guy
but they’re also halfway full
of shit because they’re really just trying to get laid
and come off like some like enlightened guy
but if they set that up man if it was
legal if that’s the next step if this marijuana
thing passes and then next
thing let’s go
after mushrooms man because mushrooms
have only helped everybody that i know the only
problem with mushrooms is that actually takes you out
does take you out
you’re not gonna be driving on half on mushrooms you
know eddie bravo did that
did you know that you know that story yeah
so crazy i don’t
know if you want this tell told totally
but let’s say
this is what he
heard from somebody else okay okay
it’s not really
i think you can
do that now yeah i can i can yeah
so i’m just i’m
gonna tell you different
story now so
he goes to the zoo
okay they take five
grams of mushrooms
and they go five
grams is what terrence mckenna
would call a heroic dose
that’s a line from a bill hicks
cd but it’s also what terrence
mckenna really called it he called it a heroic dose
and anything
above 5 grams because you just dissolve you don’t
exist anymore when
you hit that apex at 5 grams
you become a part of some fucking
much larger
mosaic it’s like
there’s like this
incredible amount of
artwork that you see
incredible amount of visuals that connect
activity the communication
it’s like you feel like you’re communicating with some
super ultra intelligent life form that’s explaining
everything and it all makes
sense i mean it is a fucking
mind blower of an experience
so he takes this five
grams this is what five
grams does to you
and he goes to the zoo
i mean it’s like
classic bill hicks
bill hicks had a joke
about doing that
about going to a fucking amusing park
so he goes to the fucking zoo and gets
super depressed i would too
like he’s like
the negative energy so it was overwhelming
cause they get all these
monkeys man they can think
and they’re all in
these cages i went to one in
colorado where this monkey was
screaming like a mental patient
like screaming like in agony
he was in a
small cage and it was a corner cage
so it was around this bend so everybody just walked in
front of his cage
back and forth back and forth
and he was like
it was dark dude it was dark
i was like you cannot make any argument for keeping
monkeys in cages
after this guy
that guy’s being tortured
this is an intelligent little animal
stuck by itself in a
metal box and he’s been stared at all day
by bigger monkeys
and he’s freaking the fuck out
so eddie is
tripping out he’s in a five
gram full blown trip feeling
just waves of negative energy
you know just
splashing into him constantly
every time he goes by all
these different
animal cages and sees their
the reality of
their miserable
existence there
so he’s like we
gotta get the fuck out of here
so he takes his girlfriend
and they get in the car and
start driving
and as he’s driving it’s a full
blown mushroom trip
he said the ground in
front of his car became
pedals of roses
rose petals
and it was like
everywhere they were
splashing all up and around the car
he said the entire he was on the highway
he went on the highway son
i think he got off and went on la
siennago eventually
but he was driving on the fucking
on the highway and seemed like rose petals in
front of his car that is not cool man that’s really not
cool he’s lucky
or she whoever
holds that person’s talking yeah
whoever this guy is
that russian lady
yeah man it was a dark moment
in his existence wow now i’ve driven the
first time i tripped on acid i drove
on the way home but
it was like
eight six hours after i dosed and so i wasn’t really
still though but i was having sex at the same time
i think i talked
about this on one of the
earlier podcast i went to go see
i don’t remember
tell me what happened
you’re on acid
having sex and driving what
weren’t you doing we were at a nirvana concert met
he gave me a cheeto
were you cursing god at the same time
no no i remember it was i had a big station wagon
lump the wood on the thing we had to
drive back to columbus the show is in dayton okay
and so you’re dosed up with acid
right so with your girl driving and she
starts like rubbing me or doing something like
dirty bitch she climbs on me oh my god
the back of the car
and i’m facing the
front of the
car that’s real good for your peripheral vision on the
right side yeah
can you see past her hair
i don’t what
if someone’s trying to change
lanes she was a very tiny girl very
tiny yeah very tiny girl she was eight
no no no no means she was just a
small girl how old
she’s a woman
yes let’s say
woman how old was she
i think we were about 17
so she was a girl
sure how old were you 17
okay so my class
yeah there’s mike
who is letting you
drive at 17
on acid yeah i know with a girl on top of you you
crazy foot yeah
it’s crazy and then what was so
crazy it was like the sex got really
good so then we decided to pull off
into a church parking lot off the side of the highway
and finish it the
parking lot
take got busted in a church parking lot
who oh that’s
right i remember that
my friends got busted smoking pot well
maybe we should
don’t tell a
story who got busted smoking
pot in the church parking lot my friends from high
school when they were 17
used to always go to
this church to
smoke pot and they got arrested
and they had to do community service
and it was like something
crazy like 60
hours of community service at the columbus
zoo just for smoking pot yeah at the columbus zoo
and their job is
shoveling shit wow
that’s a fascinating thing man
it’s fascinating that people can
force you to do
things because
you got caught doing something that you wanted to do
right so oh you do wanted to do that and we
say you can’t do that so now you have to do this yeah
community service for smoking weed is the most
ridiculous thing ever
if you give someone
community service for smoking weed for sure you need to
smoke weed for sure totally
that should be your reward
you know you
should okay
i’ll do the community service but you have to
smoke some pot too
now don’t you feel bad
you smoked the pot yeah
how do you feel
about me in this orange jumpsuit
picking up garbage you fucking douchebag
you ever had to do just
cause i wanted to get high no
i’ve never been arrested
brian i’m an outstanding citizen
i pay my taxes
no that seems so crazy
why i don’t know
i keep it together
you’ve been a good boy i’ve keep it together
i’m very good at keeping it together
that’s great it’s very hard
i have crazy instincts
my instincts aren’t so good
my instincts aren’t so good my
my brain the very last time goes don’t
no no no this is
gonna put you in jail
don’t do anything
stupid yeah
i think if i tape it really
close to my body i can get through the customs
right ralphie may
ended up on getting a hundred dollar
ticket by the way from that guam
that was actually an accident yeah
ralphie told yeah joey
could have been
fuck if you don’t know what this is we’re talking
about ralphie
mega busted with pot
but you know in some
countries you
have like a marijuana seed in your prison for
eight years i
think guam is
america oh it is
i don’t know what
guam is i don’t
think it’s america but i
think it’s like so cool
closely related
standard like
puerto rico’s america i don’t know
where guam is
i think it’s more
than pacific i
think it’s more near
i think puerto rico is the atlantic side
right because that’s
where so many puerto ricans
east coast yes it’s
below florida yeah
and guam are rather yeah i
think guam is near
hawaii i think it’s on the way to hawaii oh
on the way like from the other side
cool you know i
think it’s near hawaii
pretty sure
but i think it’s like
it’s the whole idea that hawaii and you know
puerto rico that
could somehow and
other be a part of the united
states like that’s so
silly like you’re way over there
yeah like how do we fit in
well i do understand that we must take over as many
countries as possible so we can destroy everybody you
know kind of
thing like we have
alaska way over here just as a
retreat just in case of the country blows up we’re all
going to you
think that’s why they
got alaska you don’t even know your history son well
doesn’t it seem like they
would do that like they they have
you know to keep us protected from the soviet union
i don’t know
doesn’t that what
sarah pamela
used to say that she
could see alaska right yes
yeah i don’t
think that’s why they got alaska
brian no no
i don’t think so
i would be buying all the shit
you can’t buy
countries anymore do they stop doing that
you know that
north america used to be
under a one
sheet of ice
that was a mile high
that covered like
half the country just ten thousand years ago really
ten thousand fucking years ago
ten thousand years ago
north america half
covered in ice
that’s crazy
woolly mammoths and fucking
saber toothed
tigers running around
they all died
they all died off
they don’t know why
i’ve been watching all
these documentaries on
meteor impacts
is without a
doubt the scariest
thing that could happen any second any time
they literally have no idea how many are up there
they have no idea
which ones are coming towards us
every now and then somebody spots one
it’s usually amateurs
these amateur
astronomers are just staring at the sky all night
they’ll notice there’s like a
light in the
sky that wasn’t there before and then they’ll notice it
again like they take
photos of it and they’ll take a
photo of the
next day and they go okay this is moving and it’s
moving in this direction and they contact someone and
they start tracking this
thing what’s the coordinates in the sky
oh shit this is a fucking asteroid
you know and that’s how we find a
lot of them there’s like hundreds of thousands of near
earth objects between mars and jupiter
and every now and then one of them will collide
with another one and it’ll just go rocketing towards
earth 45 000
miles an hour some of them are just
solid iron and they’re like a mile wide
dude do you have any idea
how fucking crazy that would be if we were all
standing outside and all the sudden
you could see in the distance
the fireball that was gonna kill you in three days
could you imagine
you could see it coming you see it
rounding mars and you definitely
think you’re gonna just start fucking like
crazy what would you i
think it would just start crying
i think you’d fuck like i’d just
start fucking like crazy i think everyone
would just go
crazy or g mode because i know i’ve talked
about this with many people before what
would you do
and it was just like if you saw it like an
asteroid you had like one hour what do you do you just
start fucking
start going like alright it’s time to do it
that’s what everybody says
are you gonna
are you gonna be the
catcher no no no no i mean to your girl like all
right you can finally do it i
guess i’m not
gonna feel anything later
wow you’d want to fuck her in the ass no no no
of her life you
selfish bastard no
but i’m saying everyone has that that same
thing i think
the last moments of your life and you want it to be all
about you no taking it
no i’m just saying though everyone says that they
would go fucking if there was like one hour left
don’t you think of turning this huge ball of
bodies on the streets and everyone’s just jizz
everywhere just become like a catamari of fucking orgy
sex going down
i don’t think it’s possible for everyone to do that i
think everyone i don’t
think i don’t
think it’s possible i think
most people are
gonna panic
most people are gonna
they’re not
gonna be able to
yeah they’re not
gonna be able
to keep it together
i don’t think they’re
gonna be able to just get hard ons and
start banging you know
hard ons require like
you know the feeling the need to
breed like the
need to be comfortable you have to be like secure
you know a fucking rock is
gonna come and slam
into the earth
you know within
the first second
that the meteor impact the one that
hit the yucatn
and killed the dinosaurs
within the first
second it was
five miles deep into the earth
within the first
second dude that’s crazy
dude stop and
think about that
within the first
second it was five
miles deep into the
earth it killed
everything it killed
everything on
earth it’s like
some rats and shit survived some bugs a few
bugs and some rats and they had to rebuild from scratch
it killed everything
65 million years ago
and it’s happened many
times there’s been several extinction events on earth
they know there’s another one from
250 million years ago
there’s another one killed everybody
shot boom hmm
and people will
try to tell you like there’s a way they’re
gonna be able
to deflect them they don’t even know they’re coming man
some of them come from behind the sun
and you can’t see them some of them come from
weird places that no one’s
watching they’re just they’re all out there man
if they hit
i think i would go
right to sex
still i think i
could get it up
i think i would like go over to my neighbor’s
house and ask the girl like hey do you want to join us
i think i would
i would want to find out when they
were thinking that it was
gonna hit and then i’d do mushrooms
yeah that would be good mushrooms i
tried do something faster though
full blown when it hit
if i do something faster yeah but
mushrooms seems like the right thing to do
i understand
about doing something faster but
it seems like if you could get the timing right
right mushrooms might have been
a badass yeah
just keep eating them
you know get
to like you know the hour and 20 minutes in and if it’s
still like the size of the moon in the sky
i would shoot up
heroin that would be the only time i would
shoot up heroin i would just go right to heroin
fucking do a shitload of it
have sex it’s very fascinating
to me that we have this horrifying fear of of
dying something like it
something like that
any sort of a natural disaster any big
crazy thing a
tsunami a meteor crash or
but we all know that we’re
gonna die right
it’s like for some reason we don’t
wanna address that we don’t
wanna think about that
we we wanna
think like how
crazy would be if it’s
gonna die catastrophe
is that worse somehow than
dying slow because your body stops working
right right or getting cancer yeah or being
you know you look at some old people that you know you
every now and then you’ll be out
like i was in
i forget what city
i think it was montreal maybe
and we were
outside and there was a lady that was walking by
i think it was montreal and
she had the
the worst posture i’ve ever seen ever
she was literally
bending at the waist
like she was doing it like an exercise
her upper body was
touching almost her legs and she was walking forward
and she was walking around i was like man
that’s a tough way to
die slow where your body just
starts giving out
things start
going wrong and you have all
these health
issues and your organism is barely keeping it together
wouldn’t it be cool to die in a meteor impact
dude if you’re there
where it hits
five miles into the ground
that the last the last ten
seconds would be so
cool oh god you didn’t fuck
out you feel like
you probably just burn up
first or something i don’t know i
think the impact
is like a billion nuclear explosion there’s
probably a lot of suction
too when it comes at you so fast there’s probably some
weird vacuum that happens and then you just
start flying away
you know maybe
yeah maybe i don’t have
to be something
weird like that whatever the impact
would probably kill everybody
the impact i mean
they said that that one in nevada have you ever
seen that one you fly over it it’s like a mile wide
right you know that way yeah
that one was like not that big it wasn’t a big thing
and it killed
everything within 800
miles wow everything
that’s crazy
everything 800
miles away from that
thing just was evaporated
could you imagine being 800
miles away from a meteor impact and you
still get jacked
like you’re
watching it in the distance
where is it
gonna hit it’s like 800
miles from now we’ll be fine
eight hundred
miles away it hits boom and you just disintegrate
what the fuck
it seems like something that
you would talk
about more often
it seems like something that we
would be addressing but i
guess people just feel helpless
and it hasn’t really happened
while we’ve been here and there’s no reason
to stress on it you know because if you stress on
anything too much it’s just you know why stress on that
it’s true there’s no reason to stress on it but it’s
still you would
think that more people
would want to discuss it
you know another one hit jupiter recently
really recently like within
the last couple of years a huge asteroid hit jupiter
there’s probably
groups of people that you know meet at
places that can talk
about asteroids if you’re you know i
can do i can do some doing for you i
wouldn’t why
would i go to
groups when i
could just talk to him online
sure you know you
could go to any
these a billion websites for guys were
famous for finding
but they might make it fun they
might get pizzas i
bet they do make it fun
staring at the stars is fun as fuck
don’t get me wrong
i’m not an asteroid aficionado
you should be
brian i’m gonna hit you
crazy asshole
kind of podcast you try to present here boy
you just too fucking
weird man you weird people out whatever
and now that you’re on the hunt again
weirding out all the bitches
are you weirding out the bitches or
no they take your style
i’ve been seeing you
and i see i
see what you’ve been doing and i’m very impressed
you doing good work
how’s that working
great do you like being single
i feel like having a
girlfriend what
do you know you know i i like having both
i think being single is fine i
think dating her
you want honey bun
right now i’m just having fun because my i’m so
motivated with
stand up comedy that i’m just
excited about that
right now so i don’t even
where can the
folks here go stalk you
when you gonna do
stand up again
well i on my twitter i always announced
if i’m usually doing twitter is red i
actually have a show
october twenty
seventh yeah
have a part of this competition
at flappers
comedy club in burbank it’s called like clyde’s comedy
dude we’re gonna
stack the deck
yeah we’re gonna
stack the deck
yeah couple two for one will
stack will stack the audience
with people listen to the park that
would be awesome
yeah but eighty percent will be haters yeah they
would all fucking
you every time you say something jay you ruined the
whole show ruin the momentum
we’re trying to talk
about some mma
you had to put your gay shit in
oh yeah you better
start talking gay shit boy
i love the hate
so have you bombed yet
in your return
no not really
i mean it’s really hard to bomb when there’s only like
five people in there you know it’s more of just like so
these are like
sort of like open mic
night shows there was a lot of open
micers in the audience well yeah there’s shows that
i do there are like five people or this show supposedly
i don’t know how many people are
gonna be at it but this is
gonna be like a
legit show i did like a show the
other day in
front of like
40 people or so fucking destroyed dude
i destroyed that was the
first time i destroyed ever like i came off
and people were like yeah
so did you say
october 22nd
october 27th i believe what day is that
i believe a wednesday
if it’s the
right date that i did right
that’s a flappers comedy
which is an awesome
comedy club in downtown burbank they took an old
27 it’s a wednesday
so i’m gonna be there too
i’ll be supporting brian
in this endeavor
and and even
you gotta clap and
cheer at all my gay jokes
and act like they’re really cool i can’t do that yeah
you have to be fake if
it’s not good i’m not
gonna laugh
i’m not gonna lie to you
i can’t treat you with kid gloves
you need to
but i go if i get
super high i’ll probably think most things are probably
so i’ll just go there
so i completely inebriated
and laugh just try to remember your jokes
i saw joey diaz
he did a cd recording the
other day in hollywood he didn’t want us
going there yeah
i was actually
going to go on a date there and i snuck in man i heard
how was it um
well he was really good you know
it was interesting he told a
bunch of stories that i hadn’t
heard before
which i didn’t really
think was possible
yeah oh that’s cool yeah it was the craziest thing ever
he told some
crazy fucking stories
you know i don’t want
to give it away but one of them was
about mug and a hooker
about how bad he felt
about it for years later
it was really fun remorse
it was good though
it was a good bet it’s
funny how he lives
like guilt and i have the same kind of
guilt but my shit
was like throwing rocks at that cardinal
you know when i was a kid and i
threw a rock at a cardinal yeah like this little
injured bird and i
was a kid and i
threw rocks at
it and i think
about that shit all the time
and then his shit’s like
a mug to hooker
do you know that they just pulled the miners out of the
shaft in chile
are they alive
last minute worked and look
this is cnn cnn is getting crushed
this is cnn com look at it it’s getting crushed
they cut all they
changed their whole page
because they’re getting so many hits i
think cremate
everything smaller
look at their
image of refresh
look at all this
it’s a browser
thing that’s just when
i’m not ever hitting
refresh i got it
right here well the
browsers fucking up because
they’re getting hit so many times because the last
minute work done
ahead of chilean mine rescue yeah
the descent capsule
the descent of the
capsule that will
carry 33 miners
trapped what are
these guys doing
for poop down there are they just shit in a corner
probably eating it
it’s probably like a
never ending
cycle of eating your own poop
just to stay alive
drinking your own piss and eating your own
poop because
i had corn before i went into this mine well you can do
you can eat
your own poop indians used to do it they call it
second harvest
i actually had this is
100 true story i had to
write a paper
about ways to help
like it was like africa or something like that
and i was seriously
wrote a paper that was like we just send them a
whole bunch of corn
and they could wash it out
and then re eat it
twice probably
and it was completely i
tried to be completely
legit i was in
fifth grade
and i got in
so much trouble for that fucking report because
i thought it was just being an asshole and gross and
stuff like that i was being serious i was being
completely serious like i
wrote it all
fancy did you ever see that
movie the yes men
no yes men was a
movie yes they did that parody where
they said they were
gonna take you know make
burgers out of poof
that came out of the toilet they’re
gonna filter it yes
no i didn’t see it it was like a parody
they did well they did
they trolled people
and they pretended that they were
gonna open up this
plant and they were
gonna make cheeseburgers
that are made out of poop oh wow
yeah seems familiar but
well you know what man
it’s it’s a it’s a brilliant
movie you gotta
watch it a brilliant documentary i
think they’re doing something else too
but you know
think about how hard
life has to be before you
start eating your own shit
you know the american indians
that was the
roughest way to live ever
you know before the europeans came and think
about what it must have been like before there was even
horses these fucking people were all on foot
they’re eating
their own poop
are those minors
alive though
yeah they’re my i was
33 of them man
that’s just jacked
nobody died now and i wow
yeah i don’t know i don’t
understand what they were doing down there
i don’t know why
i mean i understand what
they were doing that’s not what i mean i mean i don’t
understand how they were staying
alive they must have been in some sort of a
they might have
places down there like
where they can go
in case there’s some sort
of a collapse if it’s not a collapse of the whole mine
you know it’s
collapse a part
of the mind they have like a rescue center
right because it seemed like there was some
place they were
going that was like
set up for you know
if something like this happened there’s a
movie that came out that is kind of on the subject that
recently came out that you should i
heard is disturbing as fuck it’s called the
human centipede and it’s
it’s based on
i guess real
scientific experiments have you
heard of this no it’s not
based a real
i thought it was
no all right
so that part the
trolley yeah i
heard it was actually
based on facts
well maybe the nazis
might have done something
like japanese some
crazy experience
world war ii they did some crazy shit
right where they
transfused horse
blood into people and
there’s a lot of they did
amputation exercises
and trying to you know put people’s heads on
other people’s
bodies and share they did
a lot so you know what the
centipede yeah
they connect people’s butts to
their mouths
right and they
see if they could
make it alive
it’s a horror
movie bro yeah
it is a horror
movie yeah it’s supposed to be a terrible horror movie
it’s all based on
scientific i
swear to god that
that shit was real no so they’re pulling people out man
wow they lowered the capsule
i wonder how many people gave in and fucked each
other like let’s have some minor sex
might as well you think
those guys fuck you
too down there
dude i’ll give you black lung
with my i wonder how long it takes before people
start doing shit like that
you know i think
some people have
at different timetables of me like to me
i would be happy masturbating i
would like forever for life
i would look at
a canary or what if you went to jail for life for life
i would totally just be
happy masturbating really what if this is like some
sweet sweet boy wants to suck your dick dude
unless it was like justin bieber
style or something like that so you
would do it if it was a little boy
so you do if you looked
under it no no i was just kidding
no to me i’m
happy with masturbation
i think masturbation is
great i have no problems now if i’m in jail and i have
nothing to look at i’d probably have to draw my own
women and stuff like that you know that
would draw you
just go from memory you
would go for your own
after a while you won’t have memory anymore
would you would
you kind of
be too foggy i have some memories from my childhood
i would draw
right when i got in there i’d draw vagina
and boobs and
stuff just so i have references
remember what they look like
yeah you would
think that at least they
would get them some fucking porn
jail man that shit was fake right like
where you’re allowed to have
sex dates or is that real no
in some prisons they they have it set up like that they
would they would
allow them to have conjugal
visits were they allowed to have sex
yeah yeah they do that in some places but
i don’t know if that happens anymore
is that still
going on i see i
never knew he
existed begin with
yeah it was a real deal
i don’t know i’m not a
not hip to what’s
going on in prison these days
there’s a lot of goddamn prison shows on tv though
have you seen the one with the booty bandit
guy talks about booty mm hmm
one of the most frightening things ever
i’m gonna load it up because
you need it
to know that this this guys like this waiting for you
there’s guys like this guy waiting for you and present
you fuck up
i could only
yeah the booty warrior okay
the war i’m gonna load this shit up
wasn’t it
a very different kind of homosexuality here is
you have it on
twice somewhere
no i only have it on here
you have two
youtube windows open yeah but it’s not the same
thing this is something else
that’s something else
i only have it in here
what’s this one
this is it why is it playing twice
i don’t know
you’re the fake tech supporter
i bet that police told us
was about the place that police told us
you have the use stream up that’s why
oh is that what it is
you have the use
jesus this is the most unprofessional setup ever
toe free call you cunt toe
free they trying to sell me real estate you
should order that answer that live
no but when lockup visited kentucky state penitentiary
we met police johnson
a long time inmate
who practices a very different kind of homosexuality
well we have sexual desires right
so you got a bunch of man locked up you can warn
all of them get whore
all i’m calling all of them that safe to desire
so what are they gonna do won’t let them have one
somebody is going to keep us moving
and it is simple the most
memorable story that fleece
told us this is was david hale one of the producers
and i met this dude he talked about this
with maximum security penitentiary
he went on about it and on about it in his prison booty
booty was more important
a man’s foot
it was more my job sir
it was more booty average of booty
what’s more important than drinking water
now is that guy projecting like is
that his personal
feeling and he’s just like everybody likes it more than
water i don’t know whether he’s just trying
to be sensational for the tv show and just like really
freak everybody out or if he
just likes fucking people that much he just loves
booty that much i
think i think he
personally liked
ass more than anything well he’s talking
about how that’s how they rock it in jail
i mean you got he’s the only one in jail you got to
think there’s a possibility that he’s telling the truth
that everybody’s just running
around fucking everybody probably is if you have
probably like a life sentence there’s probably a good
seventy percent of people
that just flip over i i don’t yeah i don’t think i
would but i don’t have not put in that situation what
if you were in jail with this guy though
that guy you got to give up the booty
you think you can
fight him off
he’s got a weak chin i don’t like that
you think you can
fight him off or no you don’t like the way it looks
like if he attacks
me he wouldn’t give up the
booty if he attacks me
raped you ah
fuck that guy
i could that guy
really you think you
could beat this big
black dangerous rapist
dude if he likes ass that much i
could totally
beat that guy well let’s see what this is how he
would take the
pussy tells guys how he takes the boy pussy
i like booty
johnson went on to tell our crew
how he used to satisfy
his sexual desires
especially during the 1970s and 80s
when he was most active
and prison security
was more lax
when i see one
and he looks good to me when i go see him i say
as i’m telling you what
i like you i want you
i want you and
all we can do is the easy way out the hallway
some of the charts
we can do this the easy way or the hard way
the choice is yours
right what’d you do brian if he said that to me
i’d take it i’d be like
alright but let me go down on you first and then
you take his pants off
and i would just fucking start karate
chopping his dick as hard as i
could do you really think that’s gonna work
first of all you’d probably be
hypnotized by it like a cobra to a
flute i would you probably look at that big giant
black fucking
snake in front of you
you know what i would probably just get out of fear i
would probably grab it as hard as i
could and run as fast as i
could you would run and see if i could
snap it off
dude you would teach the worst krav maga class ever
you would be the
the worst self defense
instructor of
all time i probably okay this is what we want to do
i probably would do some dexter
and probably
could you imagine if you had this is your fucking plan
imagine if somebody hired
someone to do
like a rape prevention course and you were the guy
and you would come in you were totally unqualified i
we’re gonna grab the dick
we’re gonna run as hard as we can
we’re gonna try to rip it off
you definitely
see people practicing
like if he’s got his dick
and it’s on the
floor do you
think he’s gonna be worried
about hurting
you or getting his dick attached back to his body
he’s not gonna
spend the time to kick your ass
trust me if you pull his dick off the
fight is over
i called this move picking up the phone book
take the grab
grab the balls as hard as you can and just pull it
up as fast as you
can phone book yeah
imagine that imagine
if you were to do that like if you were like all
right let me go down on you and you
take his balls and both
of your hand take two handfuls as hard as you can grab
and you just dig your claws in
and just like
pull and and rip as fast as you can well you
might be able to rip someone’s testicles off
might be possible
someone’s test
you have a good grip
if you knew you’re
gonna get raped in prison
wouldn’t you do something like that what if
his balls were all
sweaty though and they
slipped right out oh that’s why you have to dig your
nails markquart’s
ankle slips
right out and then you go what are you
gonna do now he’s
gonna beat the fuck out of you try to grab his balls
your nails in man go for the
nails put your finger
underneath the vein
as well so that
would be your
self defense
would always be attack the balls attack
the deck off
with two hands
that dude imprisoned
baseball bat style
yeah what if he
punches you first
i don’t care about you
first i’m going
right for his
he punches you in the
face before he even makes you suck his dick just but
blame just to let you know this is how it’s
going down well i probably
wouldn’t wipe
my ass too much when i was in prison so even if he did
knock me out
and she went for you like oh this shit
stinks i gotta go
you would you
would sacrifice you’d be itchy
get used to it
probably get used to it
this guy scares the fuck out of me
that guy is
crazy he’s fucking
crazy half of me
thinks it like half
of me thinks he’s just all fucking fake
i don’t think so dude
i think it’s true
you know i mean i don’t
think there’s a
whole lot of raping he looks
like cee lo
green though
like he’s like i’m
gonna rape you
johnson also had a warning
for the new generation of inmates
they might be asking for trouble from old
timers you know they got this thing
what they say big pain
past they put
it’s a style they call it some sort of gangster
style if you know it’s sexy to us
right and see what they were prepared for
this right so
you said your
pants and her man somebody be up in your but
you know it is it so
he looks like
randy from american idol not scared of that guy
when he was in his prime
they wouldn’t be safe from his advances either
the cameraman you say is ripping
and as much as i like booty i probably
felt one of y’all but
and i was wrong compared to
and dared you to say
i got no shame
in my game this is nothing that i’m ashamed to admit
i am what i am
i’m a warrior
too you know
some warrior
let that be no
i’m a warrior
i’m a booty
stealing warrior see to me i see
the gay in that guy
and to me it just
sounds like he’s just like i’m
gonna get him i’m
gonna get his butthole
we and i’m like that doesn’t
scare me that guy’s in jail for life are you
crazy he’s probably murdered a gang of people
and he will fuck you up
if you were
alone in a cage with that guy and he pulled out his
black digging we
gonna do this the easy way all the way
and started
dropping fucking
knuckles on your face
thank you jack
rip his balls off so you’ll be willing if
i can get this guy paroled you be willing to do i cage
match with him
no no i’m not saying cage
match i’m just saying if i’m in a cell with him and he
approaches me i’ll be
out i’ll go for it dude
oh i will totally suck your big
black dick and then i’ll go down like i’m
going to do it
just start ripping shit up
and you think that would
work totally work
fucking snap his dick in half
and ever get
it what he’s
still in the cage with you and now he’s hurt yeah
you started doing it
gonna keep on doing it he’s
gonna start crying
when he comes to your rescue
then we start
kicking his little
ballhole wherever his balls were
fucking he’s little ball i will
murder him from the dick up so
yes totally but
what if as you’re
going down to
go to his dick he needs you in the face no because he
doesn’t know he
thinks i’m going down on him to suck his dick
and i’m a good actor yeah i’m a totally good i don’t
think you’re
gonna come off
at all never ask
you’ll throw on a gay voice
oh totally i’ll tell they
break out and everything
fuck as an analyst of altercations
which i am i’m an altercation
an altercation analyst
i think you’re fucked in this one i really don’t yeah
i think he’s
gonna be looking for you to do something like
that no cause probably
other guys try to grab his dick before
you think you’re gonna be the first person
to fight drag him
if i look him in
the eyes he’s
gonna punch you in your face
a few times if i look him in the eyes and be really
sincere with my
voice and like look
i really think we
should do this
cause we’re
gonna be in here what if
he only likes rape
huh what if he
doesn’t get hard look the normal way i’ll be like look
first i wanna lick you off
you know i’ll say something i can
he’s obviously not a bright guy i could
trick him with my words and my eyes well he
doesn’t seem that dumb he just seemed to fuck he’s in
fucking prison he got caught
well he’s a criminal brian
a lot of them were just they’re doing so much
crime they just will get caught
gotta be smart dexter didn’t get caught
oh brian i think he
would rape you
all right okay
i don’t think you’d rape me i
think he’d rape you i
think we’d have
a problem though if he and i were in jail together hmm
i don’t think you
would not try to rape me
i think he definitely
would really
i think yeah i
think he probably
tries to rape
everybody smoking
cigarettes so
i got a question is gas tank
why are we always talking
about gay sex on this shit
because we’re retarded
how many people are like man the only dudes talk
about assholes
and dicks well this is a fascinating fucking guy man
this isn’t just talking
about gay sex what’s fascinating to me is
about this guy being so brazen about it
where he’s just talking
about it and like he’s
obviously loving
the attention that all his cameras are putting on him
so i’m trying to figure out how much of this is true
i’m trying to figure out how much of it is just
he’s you know
everything to seem even cooler for this tv show
cause he knows they’re
gonna air him i mean
he’s probably a fucking star now they have tv in prison
right so they probably have seen this show
and so i’m saying that he probably went out and
tried to rape somebody that
night just to fucking celebrate right hmm
i don’t know
what if you
can probably listen to this podcast and he’s sitting
there fucking like if i get ever get out here i’m
going to show this boy
you i’ll beat
that dude’s ass
don’t worry
about it bro
hey get him
get him before he comes near you thanks
that would suck
there’s no way we can end the show this way
but yet we are doing it
i would buy that guy a
flashlight like do wait calm down a
second that’s not what he wants
your asshole
maybe he likes it
they have butthole
flashlights no
doesn’t feels good
holding a person down the whole you being
panic and your butt
sweat and all that
he probably that’s what he probably looks forward to
probably looks forward to the
whole domination aspect of it
we’ve officially
crossed the line
and talked about way too much gay shit
on this podcast
no more gay shit the entire next podcast yes
next next podcast has to be
all gay humor free
yes um brody
rody stevens
you guys are great
thank you for
tuning in this was a very strange i like this podcast
more strange
well i think we did get a little bit too high
yeah because when i
started talking about the
the tea party i
started talking
about i was like you
know what i don’t really even know what they like like
i started talking shit about them
and i’m like i don’t even know what’s
annoying me
about them they
might be delightful people
no they’re definitely not delightful people
they’re ridiculous
they’re fucking
ridiculous idiots
maybe they’re just gay voters
they’re all crazy
i don’t know what their
stance is but i know they’re
crazy personally
we got glenn beck and fucking
sarah palin talking farm
so i wouldn’t have even gone down that road i don’t
think if i wasn’t so high
but since i’ve
been high i’ve been forced to take a position
my position is they’re crazy
and that guy who
dresses up like a nazi
for sure he said nigger somewhere in his life
for sure right totally he
doesn’t like jews do you
think that he has ever touched a child
it could be
could be he’s touched a child
wrong with that dude there’s
definitely something very very
wrong with him
um you know you don’t
you don’t go around
dressing like the most evil fucks that ever
existed when people
still alive were
you know detained by
these people and
their families were killed
that’s like people that are
alive right now
it’s one thing if you want to
dress up like a fucking barbarian
you know and put a big bearskin
fucking thing on and
crazy bone like teeth
like necklaces and
stuff and you want to
dress like somebody looks
like who was the enemy
10 000 years ago but
not 1945 right
stop right right
can you imagine in the future when they have
browser reenactments
like reenactments from
companies like
all right i’m
gonna play the role of microsoft
i’m gonna play the role
of you know
and we’re gonna
mildly bore each
other for the next two
hours to teach our kids what happened
that’s fine
could you imagine if someone who wants to play
steve jobs i’m
steve jobs and i’m
steve wozniak and we created
apple right
and they’re dressing the part
yeah all reenactments are retarded
doesn’t matter what you’re reenacting whether
it’s software wars or civil wars
like what are you doing you’re
getting together and play pretending
don’t you have a family you fuck
don’t you have a life don’t you have things to do nope
no no we don’t either that’s why we did a podcast today
that’s right and you’re going to be
going to london for ufc
yes going to london
and we’ll be back
next tuesday with bobby lee
bobby lee wants to do it next tuesday
and maybe joe diaz will join us
again if he can break free
of his other
commitments joe diaz is a wanted man
these days though he’s got a lot of shit going on
he you know did the cd taping the other night
right but i think he’s gonna do more of them
there was only like you know it wasn’t like the biggest
crowd there they
weren’t sure whether or not they were gonna record
they weren’t sure whether or not they’re
gonna have the room because it’s um
it’s all it’s
the the south comedy
hall has they lost
their liquor license or some sort of occupancy problem
because something the
landlord did so they’re opening up a new club so he’s
gonna have a new club in like a couple weeks
and if you live anywhere near
santa ana in 10 days you’re
gonna be at this
sweet ass theater
called the galaxy theater it looks badass oh yeah the
santa ana galaxy theater is
that is october
22nd and yeah i
think there’s
still some tickets available for that
and that’s gonna be a good time
i don’t even know who i’m doing it with probably joey
if joey’s around if he’s
free that night
and that weekend is the
ufc so there’s
two ufc weekends in a row this one’s in london
i got two shows at the
leicester square theatre
and then of course
the 16th it’s on spike tv
and then ufc
121 is the 23rd and that one is
on pay per view it’s
gonna be fucking crazy
so that’s it
let’s see another program
thank you very much for tuning in
ladies and gentlemen
we enjoy you all we
appreciate you all
we wish we had
something to end the show with let’s do that that that
the antwood song yeah
okay hit me with that
cause it just came out
today right
so next tuesday
bobby lee and um
we’ll definitely do another one next week too
for you know
i don’t know who will do it
for duncan i don’t get duncan back on this
shit well duncan was supposed to be back but he had a
problem with buttholes poopy
see ya later everybody
fuck every single one of your wack tracks